#how am i supposed to live in these conditions

[samijey]

between lyra and tatum breaking up, ilja getting called up and the draft likely separating samijey i'm about to be in the mud

[leitereads]

Kuroshitsuji: an analysis on "fagging" and a change of power dynamics between characters

I know how disappointed some fans are regarding the "politically correct" presentation of Ciel and the overall "fagging" culture that was common back then at elite boarding schools in the UK. From what I have heard from people slightly older than me, this was a thing that carried on into the late 90s in certain private schools. As of now, I am sorry, I don’t know anyone rich enough to ask them regarding those things.

However, what I can say about this matter is that a) this practice is can be found almost anywhere in the world (mostly in universities), b) it is about power exchange and how it leads to respecting tradition and bond with other students, c) I am part of it in my own university and d) it’s deliciously represented in Kuroshitsuji, in a way that somehow gives us a different perspective over what Ciel can and cannot do, limiting his actions, something that he, as a powerful noble, is not used to.

Fagging

In many countries and cultures cross the world, "fagging" has many different names, and many different forms. In the US you have fraternities and sororities, here in my country you have the "Praxe". In the UK you have (had?) fagging, in which consisted exactly on younger students doing most part of domestic tasks that were supposed to be made by older students. The older the students were, the more power and status they gained inside the institution, and therefore the more privileges they had. In consequence, although these fags didn’t have an easy life, they still had some sort of protection and status themselves for serving someone older. This creates an hierarchy based on age, more specifically just academic age.

Ciel, as being someone young is, of course, at the base of this hierarchical system. Someone who is used to be at the top of the hierarchical ladder is going to struggle to adapt to a new environment, one in which he simply cannot understand/agree with the traditions imposed. This will create a certain obstacle at first, because he needs to learn how to navigate in a different society so different and, at the same time, so similar to the one he belongs to: the only difference being where he stands. And we see Ciel, for the second time in his life, working himself from the the way down to the way up.

In the first time, his birth condition (well, let’s assume we are speaking about Ciel’s condition, and not o!Ciel’s one at least) gave him a kickstart in life: a manor, monetary goods, a title. In this case, he is a mere 1st year student, and he must subjugate himself to the desires (sometimes sadistic) of older students, especially Clayton at first.

Psychological Implications

It may be complicated from Ciel, even more taking in consideration how prideful he is, to swallow that pride and abide by traditions he a) doesn’t relate to b) finds useless and c) seeing himself without a lot of power to swiftly surpass those obstacles. Ciel is not there in order to live the academic traditions that are present around him, nor to make friends, of course. And, in the end, fagging and these other academic traditions open the door to just that: when people suffer together they usually stick together. This is the meaning of fagging, Praxe, and all the other academic traditions listed. And this is not what he is searching for. Which puts a little bit of strain on him, and he ultimately might think they are extremely childish and ridiculous.

Another interesting aspect of this overall power exchange here is that Sebastian is in a higher position of power than Ciel, as opposed to their base situation. This is, of course, extremely debatable, and the power that each one of them holds in their master/servant (no, I am not talking about that sort of thing… eww) is quite mutable, and, at times, one may hold more control over the other, and that is changing. Here we have a third factor contributing to that mutable power exchange: a different environment, where Sebastian’s position allows him to be seen as more respectable. And this is extremely delicious to see when he lets Ciel undergoing the initiation ritual with the bedsheets and being thrown: Sebastian is, obviously, enjoying himself at the expense of his master’s suffering, since in normal situations he simply cannot do that, at least not as frequently. To Sebastian this is cathartic, and to Ciel (Sebastian’s master) this must feel extremely insolent. Especially because Ciel is someone who likes to always be in control, having in consideration all he went through.

Undergoing this traditional upbringing will, hopefully, provide Ciel either the necessary tools regarding being more self-reliant and independent when it comes to Sebastian because, even if the demon is able to help him out with all the domestic tasks that he needs to do, who knows what will happen when Ciel loses (even if just temporarily) Sebastian one day (which, as another post explained, it might happen sooner than we think).

By being a fag and by navigating a position in which he is in a lower position, Ciel can’t find many shortcuts to success, and he will need to a) rely on his interpersonal skills, b) make connections with other students, c) be aware of what’s going on, socially, around him (read the room) and d) use his insight more than the sheer force and threats of Sebastian.

[girls-of-the-dead-poets]

how am i supposed to survive school if i know very well that my english teacher won't tell us to carpe diem and make our lives extraordinary and yell quotes and kick footballs to classical music and rip pages from our books and start a secret poetry society with all of my queer-coded friends and-

[wen-kexing-apologist]

I'm so deep in my Our Dining Table Bullshit that I'm not sure I'll ever come out of it.

There was

So

Much

SILENCE

Seriously, the pauses in this episode were pregnant with twins.

There was always just enough silence for Yutaka to think but not speak and just enough silence for Minoru to spiral deeper in his fears about making Yutaka uncomfortable and interrupting whatever words Yutaka would ever possibly try to say. For those who have read the manga, the way that Minoru is so scared about making Yutaka uncomfortable, so scared about ruining this safety that he has built with Yutaka (thanks to @isaksbestpillow for ruining me with that translation in her subs), so scared about losing all this warmth and fullness that Minoru has finally been able to feel after losing his mother that he tries to break his own heart is such a phenomenal set up to the parallel we will have with Yutaka's fears later on. Minoru tries to distance himself from the potential heartbreak that comes with Yutaka's silence. He tries to break his own heart while the wound would not be too deep, where the relationship they had in maybe salvageable.

And the only thing Yutaka ever says to Minoru this entire episode is "Minoru?" and "No, I'm fine," And he is fine, he is completely fine, but even though Minoru is looking at Yutaka, he is so caught up in his fears about everything he has possibly just lost because he couldn't contain himself. Because he altered their relationship by kissing Yutaka that MINORU. CAN'T. SEE. IT.

When Minoru says "I wasn't going to tell you any of this. I knew you would be uncomfortable" he can't see all the words that are spinning around Yutaka's head when Yutaka inhales. He can't see Yutaka fail to find the words he needs to say, fail to figure out where he needs to start in all of this, and he fails to see that with Yutaka's exhale, Yutaka is giving up everything he wants to say.

gif by @laowen

Minoru is so focused on getting that last touch of their hands, so busy promising Yutaka this is the last time they will ever touch, so then they can be friends, and they can go back to how it was, and Yutaka won't have to feel uncomfortable knowing that Minoru likes him, THAT HE FAILS TO SEE HOW MUCH YUTAKA'S THUMB IS TWITCHING.

gif also by @laowen

Yutaka wants to reciprocate physical touch, physical intimacy with Minoru so badly. But Yutaka has to process everything. Yutaka is a) in shock and b) having so much trouble figuring out what he wants to say, what he needs to say, that he can say nothing. Minoru says he wants to go back to the way they were before, and so Yutaka's thumb will twitch with the impulse to stroke Minoru's hand but it will not make contact with Minoru's flesh.

And god

God

GODDDDDDD

I need someone to gif the moment that Minoru pulls his hand away because there was a millisecond of time where Yutaka reaches back out like he's going to try to take back Minoru's hand and he STOPS HIMSELF. And I have not stopped thinking about it. I have not stopped thinking about it.

FOLKS, I HAVE NOT STOPPED TALKING ABOUT IT. LIKE LITERALLY @waitmyturtles AND @lurkingshan AND THE REST OF THE ENTIRE CLOWN SERVER HAVE HAD TO HEAR WAYYYYY TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS STUPID FUCKING SHOW, AND YUTAKA'S STUPID FUCKING HANDS, AND EPISODE 8'S STUPID FUCKING GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT PREGNANT FUCKING PAUSES.

[discluded]

today in Mile's IGS preview of the Song Wat video, he shared a drink with Apo like this...

...Sharing one cup.......

I can't believe they refused to give me this in Paris to deny me a bingo and then did it like two weeks later... the disrespect...

[nazurabbit]

how much joy do you have to be missing in life to disband double face and give us a mam hiatus

[longstoryshqrt]

IM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS I CANT STOP SCREAMING AAAAA

[chronicowboy]

[liverpool-enjoyer]

so disgusting and twisted how i dont have a cute boy with brown eyes and fluffy hair in my lap right now

[constant-stateofdenial]

do i have fics saved on my phone i can read: yes

am i gonna continue to be dramatic about ao3 being down: also yes

[jamiesfootball]

WHEN FICS UPDATE MINUTES BEFORE I AM SUPPOSED TO GO TO WORK IT IS THE WORST THING ACTUALLY

[celestetalkstoomuch]

im trying to write another chapter of fate but zhongli being soft while fucking you :(((( zhongli gently holding your hands and asking if you're okay and if it feels good :((((

[screamsinlatin]

I was literally in the middle of re-reading a fic and was getting to my favorite part when

What do I do now?!??!? 😭😭😭

[seoafin]

[urmomsfavmailman]

the fact that nobody I know is even slightly interested in good omens is killing me, I need other heartbroken queers to cry with, what am I supposed to do?? move on???

[internetwerewolf]

CATEGORY 27 AUTISM EVENT (can’t find my favorite shirt)