#how mad would you guys be if i started rambling about everything i dislike about kuvira because i love you my kuvira stan mutuals

[wilcze-kudly]

My fascination and love for kuvira as a complex character vs my absolute and utter disgust for everything she stands for and represents

[drefear]

Sister's Mister

Summary: You and your sister are having issues now that Miguel and her are official. Your friends have some opinions, and things finally get heated.

TW: drinking, heartbreak, cheating, family issues.

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

Peter had begun bringing Miguel around more and more, to whom the only person who seemed to dislike this was Miles, but they didn’t interact much. Miles always just kept Gwen close by when Miguel was around, not trusting him around his girlfriend. 

Something about Miguel made MIles uncomfortable, and he tried to tell both you and your sister, but it was no use. Your sister was in love, and you were too visceral to everything now to even comprehend what he was saying. The situation had made you into a shell of who you were. 

One person who found this all very entertaining?

Hobie Fucking Brown. 

Hobie saw you in that nightclub and knew you were the one Miguel had mumbled to him about a few times while he was drunk. Hobie and Peter took Miguel, Jess, and Lyla out a few times since they’d all become friends freshman year and got them all drunk. 

But in the recent few months since Miguel’s summer classes started, he would mumble about some girl under his breath when he was drunk, talk about her like she was a figment of his imagination. 

When Hobie saw you sitting alone in the nightclub, sipping your drink and awkwardly looking around as if searching for an escape route, he knew you were the one Miguel was fixated on. But the poor big bastard was too busy grinding on a girl who could be mistaken for a hooker, so much caked on lipstick and ass almost hanging out. 

Chaos was Hobie’s specialty and when he started dancing with you, he saw a crimson fire burn in Miguel’s eyes. Over your shoulder, he kept winking at the larger of the two, seeing something itch Miguel on the inside of his throat, giving Hobie the idea that he was in for it once they spoke again. 

And then the floozy was dragging Miguel over to you and Hobbie, and this made the alternative boy smile. How perfectly everything was falling into place. 

Hobie pulled you closer, something that had gone unnoticed by the females of the group and had Miguel’s hand almost twitching. 

Weeks had gone by, then he saw you at that party and heard you drunkenly venting. 

“Big and fuckin… stupid, ya know, Gweny? And like… my sister tells me about the sex, Gwen, the sex!” You were barely coherent as you rambled and this made Hobie laugh. He walked off to find his own fling of the night and a few hours later, he saw the big guy carrying out your passed-out body. 

The next day was the pool party and after the heat interaction between you and Miguel, he clapped his hands and laughed. 

“Time for grub, innit? How bout the food now?” He stood and walked to Peter, who hurriedly started passing out food. 

He just sat back and watched, waiting to interfere when he might be needed most, which he had a feeling would be soon. 

Meanwhile, Miguel walked around and finally found Gianna in the upstairs bedroom. 

“Gianna?” He asked and she turned, hugging him. 

“There you are, Miggy! Did you two talk? She still seems really mad.” Gianna bat her eyes and poured a bit, and Miguel felt sick to his stomach. The guilt of wanting you made his mouth dry and his hands freeze. 

“We need to talk.” He took her hand and led her to Mile’s living room. 

“Oh my god.” She covered her mouth and sat down, moving away from him a little. “I guess this was inevitable.” She let her shoulders sag and stared at the ground. 

“Well, I don’t think I’d say it was inevitable. It just started before us, and if I never-“ he looked up once her heard her crying, big tears streaming down her face as she hiccuped a bit. 

“I’m so sorry, Miguel. It’s just- I couldn’t help it!” She gasped and Miguel stopped dead in his tracks. What?

“What are you talking about?” He leaned backwards, frowning a bit. 

“This is about me and my ex, right?” She looked up, eyes glassy and red from crying now. Miguel stood up and furrowed his brows. 

“This- I didn’t even know… did you cheat on me?” The words felt sour in his mouth and like razors on his lips. He stepped backwards and watched as she stood up, reaching towards him. He moved from her hand and glared at the girl. 

“I thought you already knew, wasn’t that what you wanted to talk about?” She looked up to him in shame, then squeezed her eyes shut. “It wasn’t anything much, just a hookup.” 

“I came out here to tell you this wasn’t working because I want someone else.” He blurted out and a hurt expression flashed across Gianna’s face. 

“Who?” 

“Does it even matter now? You’re the one who cheated, I was going to cut things off before anything happened with her.” He started walking away from her. 

“Where are you going?” 

“To go fuck someone else, so I don’t have your taste in my mouth anymore.” He growled and stormed out. He needed to find you. Now. 

But you went home. You snuck out of the bathroom and went home, too embarrassed and hurt to see everyone again. 

How could you face your sister? Ben? Miles and Gwen? Everything was so screwed up, so messy now and you didn’t want to deal with it. You drove home and locked yourself in your bedroom, afraid of the world. 

Days had passed and it was the last class of the semester. You’d been watching your classes online so you didn’t have to leave your house, wanting to avoid everyone and everything. The only time you had to see anyone is when you had to eat, but your mom mainly brought your food to your bedroom. 

Walking onto campus, the sun beat down on you so hard and blinded you behind your sunglasses. You hurried into the lecture hall and bent your head down behind your laptop screen. You needed this final grade, it was an important class for you, but there was only one issue.

A looming presence made you scrunch your eyes shut and curl over your computer more. 

“We need to talk-“

“Class is starting.” You cut him off and fixed the darkened lenses on your nose. 

“Fine.” He yanked out the chair beside you and plopped himself down, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest. 

“That’s not what I meant.” You sighed, giving up and letting him sit there. “Did you study?”

“No.” He answered, as if your question was stupid, “Did you?” 

“I tried, but I couldn't focus.” You slumped, to which Miguel bit his lip. He felt responsible for your distractions. 

“Cheat off of me, then.” 

“What?” You blinked in surprise, uncomfortable with how this sentence made your morality feel. 

“It’s the final, and you know your shit, so if you need to look over to me at any point, just check your answer. I know I’m gonna get an A anyway, this is my whole job.” He rolled his eyes and scooted closer to you, making you suddenly very conscious of the heat of his body near yours and how you looked. 

“F-Fine, but only if I need to, ok?” You stuttered and looked away from him. 

“Only if you promise to talk to me after.” He raised a brow and practically trapped you with just the look in his eyes. 

“Ok, but not here. We’ll get food or something.” You stammered nervously and heard the professor start talking. 

An hour and a half later, you finally finished the test, only glancing at Miguel once through the whole test. A lot of the source material came back to you every time you read the question, only one part stumping you briefly before Miguel held up three fingers and instructed you that it was the third option. 

Walking back out into the sunlight, Miguel grabbed your jean loop and stopped you from running away. “We’re taking my car, since you’re basically an escape artist.” You gulped, seeing how intent he was with speaking with you seriously. Every bone in your body was hesitant and afraid of what he might say, you knew him and Gianna broke up shortly after the fight you had with him and your bathroom excursion. She didn’t want to talk about it, and you didn’t particularly want to talk to her. Everytime you two even made eye contact, bile rose in your esophagus and you choked on the stifling shame of how you felt for her ex-boyfriend. 

Miguel followed you to his car and had you in the front as you watched everything pass by, thinking about how badly life had crumbled the past few weeks. 

Miguel’s hand gripped the steering wheel tighter as he saw you so quiet and upset. He hated this side of you, sad and hurt, but it seemed that this was the only side he brought out of you. 

He finally parked after the silent ride and walked around to get the door for you, waiting for you to jump out and also grabbing the door for you as you both entered the coffee shop. You’d never noticed him being a gentleman before, maybe because you’d never even given him the chance. 

You sat at a table inside and leaned on the wall beside you, too tired to even sit upright. He stood on the line and ordered coffee for you both, as well as a breakfast sandwich. You stared at his tall frame as he took the seat in front of you and sighed. 

“We should get some things out of the way.” He started and you nodded quietly. “I’ll begin with what happened . Your sister and I broke up because she cheated on me and I like you.” 

He spoke like this was obvious but your eyes widened in shock. 

“She cheated? With who?” 

“Some guy in her honors biology class. It wasn’t a big deal, we weren’t that serious and it was only two months.” He shrugged, sipping his black coffee as you milked yours with sugar and cream. 

“But still…” You trailed off and bit your lip. You felt his hurt, but he seemed so indifferent that it made you think again and then remember what else he said. “You like me?” 

His eyes found yours and he nodded.  “I liked you before I knew her, I’ve thought about you since the summer classes started.” He rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip, like he was thinking, and the movement had you mesmerized. “Never knew your name, and when I met Gianna, I liked her because she resembled you, but then I was always around you and I would get angry and bitter because I had gotten so close, yet it wasn’t you.” Miguel rambled, running a hand through his brown hair and sighing in frustration from trying to explain his emotions. You grabbed the hand from his hair before you even realized what you were doing and held it on your own, then dropping it and blushing. 

“I uh-” 

Without waiting for your response, he grabbed that hand again and held it. You sat in silence for a second and stared at where your bodies now met. “You run through my mind like you have no idea.” his hand brushed yours once more and you realized something. 

“You were the one who helped me when I was drunk at Miles’s party.” 

“Yeah.” He nodded, smiling a little. 

You two sat there for hours, talking and laughing as you shared stories and feelings, as if a weight was lifted from both of your shoulders and you could be open to the other now. 

As you threw your head back from laughter to something he said, you heard someone call your name from behind you as you turned and met the eyes of the one person who wouldn’t understand. You both froze, fear chilling the entire area around you all. 

“Gianna?”

Tags: @ihateuguys @spontaneousleo @ginger23 @y2cade @alex110370000 @winteringfalls @neverlandlostchild @haileycannotcometothephonern @loser-alert @idk-sam@bunnyrose01 @minalovesyoubabes @thedevax @arquiiva @freehentai @vonev @rue-ting @darkfairy102190 @iamv1n @teresalesbian @killykstudio @topreice @artyanimi@hrlzy @mikotoguilty @ceoofmiguel @jotarossshark @i-want-to-be-your-dreamgirl @arquiiva @loonalockley @spiderwriter2099 @mikotoguilty @scaleniusrm @angel-xx-1 @siidmm @tayleighuh @zaunsin @imheretoread @lazyotakuofficial @callmeurslxt-pls @angelaut0matec @vonev

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[harkermylee]

driving anon here again!! lowkey been having brainrot about jealous!lee and what she'd be like bc I feel like she'd be so shy in doing/saying anything direct but her body language would be SCREAMING jealousy or smth hehe

DRIVING ANON I ADORE U😭😭.

soooo, lets say you’re having a get together at your house. took a lot of convincing for lee to agree and have to be in the presence of other people who aren’t her girlfriend.

RAHH okay! you invited some old friends over, one of the friends being.. a guy who used to have a crush on you in high school (yuck!) lee knew about this guy because of everything you said about him when you guys would talk about childhood. she IMMEDIATELY disliked him.

when she saw him walk into the house, her demeanor changed. she didn’t greet him (to be honest she didn’t really greet anyone), but i mean NO EYE CONTACT with this man at all!!

you noticed this but didn’t say much, just assuming she was maybe already getting overstimulated. but she sticked by you at all times, not leaving your side whenever he was there.

this was odd to you since most of the time she would be trying to find a way to escape the party, so you knew something was up -_-..

NOW, lets say lee has to do something and has to leave your side for a bit. sure fine! that’s great! but this is where that dirty whore of a man comes up to you and tries to strike of conversation, obviously (and miserably) flirting with you.

you obviously didn’t want to seem rude! you haven’t seen him for years and you couldn’t just ditch him! do you talked to him until lee came back.

so, she comes backkk. she sees you guys talking, at first she didn’t think much of it. staying quiet and just watching, that was until she saw him place a hand on your shoulder.

oh this angered her. was she gonna show it or let you know? absolutely not. but the look on her face was different, and she seemed more tense as she walked next to you.

she fumbled with her fingers and the turtle neck she was wearing, slightly rocking on her heels while staring at the two of you. you glanced at her a few times, noticing her behavior and how she was acting.

you wanted to question it but you knew she wouldn’t answer, so you just placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. this calmed her down a bit, but her mind was RACING with thoughts.

“why did he touch her?” “doesn’t he know she has a girlfriend?” “why didn’t she say anything?” “what if she doesn’t like me anymore?” “AHHH-“

the party ends and you send everyone home, you were tired and walked to your bedroom. lee was already there, still looking tense and a bit shaky. she looked at you as you walked in.

“lee? you okay? you seemed off baby, talk to me.” you said as you crawled into bed with her.

now, she was like a ticking time bomb and your words made her burst.

“i-i mean! he was basically all over you!! and he looked like he wanted to fuck you and it made me so mad! didn’t he know that you have a girlfriend? g-gosh! and when he put his stupid hand on your shoulder god i just wanted to take out my gu-“

“LEE!!!” you shouted at her, your eyes wide as you watched her just ramble all those words. to be honest you lost her at “all over you!!”, she just started to sound like gibberish after that..

you hugged her side and pulled her close, “lee, calm down. it’s okay. he’s a friend, i dislike him as much as you do, but i would never leave you or even think about leaving you. especially with him, let alone a man!!”

she was silent, her doe eyes looking up at you (sorry she’s just so deer coded i wanna kiss her). she frowned gently and laid her head on your chest, “i’m sorry.” she whispered, sounding small.

you shook your head and placed a kiss on her head, a soft chuckle leaving your lips. “don’t apologize, it was cute. seeing you all riled up over a stupid man. i love you.”

she felt slightly embarrassed and nuzzled into your chest, muffling a small “i love you too.”

the rest of the night was full of cuddles and reassurance :3 giggling over the situation later in the mornin <3.

—-

i enjoyed writing this sm i’m gonna sob!!!! jealous!lee rahhhhh. i made her a bit fluffy here, sorta sorry if that’s not what you wanted😭😭. i will def remake this with a moreeeee spicy lee HISDKEJHFNF.

[starrylayle]

"Don't get me started on jegulus" actually please get started I'd like to hear your thoughts on it because your take on wolfstar and the oc-ification of some characters is so refreshing to see (tbh my first reaction to jegulus was just confusion on how it started and how quickly it got popular lmao)

ahh this makes so happy to hear that my post resonated with some people!! Was worried i was in the minority lol.

Anyways, abt jegulus -- i acc had a reaaally long post about how much i hated the dynamic (in canon compliant ish works -- Jegulus in aus is fine ig) but i deleted it lol.

I think the core reason why i dislike the pairing so much is that I feel like it the ship goes against everything James stands for. We don't know a lot about James' character in canon, but what we do know is that he had a strong sense of justice, and fierce loyalty to his friends and his cause, which ultimately led to his doom. I just can't imagine that James would associate with someone even a little bit bigoted. This is not to say i think James is a saint, i think he could be an ass sometimes (snapes worst memory lol) but i think he'd draw the line at someone who was associated with 'evil'. James had a very black and white view of good and bad and i just don't think it would make sense for James to date reg, esp as he is becoming a death eater. James may be a dick but he is also the biggest ally to ever ally !!

The only jegulus fics I have read are 'Just Lovers' and 'Choices'. Just lovers is a non-voldy au so i don't really have a problem with their dynamic there but choices on the other hand,, oh boy.

Spoilers for 'Choices' by MesserMoon btw (TW for talk of SA):

Regulus' friends rape Mary. And instead of feeling disgusted on the victim’s behalf, (who has been his friend for 5 years) James instead feels upset because it tarnishes the ‘good’ image he has of reg in his head. Thing is when a similar situation happened (The Prank ™), James was upset that Sirius would do such a thing but he also felt disgusted on behalf of Remus. Where was that energy here, huh?? I’ve even seen comments villianising Mary (the rape victim).

The thing I also hate about their dynamic is that it is basically an ally of the oppressor and ally of the oppressed. The problem with that is that when you are allied with the oppressor, you become an oppressor yourself (and reg does; he does terrible things) and that subsequently makes the so-called ally of the oppressed in cahoots with the oppressor as well. This brings so many parallels to real life where people say that they are an “ally” but become friends with/date a racist/rapist. “Oh but they’re nice to me”. its just a little ew.

And in other jegulus canon-compliant-ish fics, sometimes instead of James' character being watered down its Regulus' character. Like, he's not as morally grey, not as complex etc so it makes sense that James would agree to date him. I feel like jegulus as a ship ruins the core of what made their characters so interesting in the first place.

That being said,,, i do love me some canon-compliant unrequited jegulus. Regulus goes to hogwarts, gets so mad at Sirius for ditching him or whatever, but falls in love with the very guy that stole sirius away. He also has internalised homophobia because he's a Black brother so imagine the angst. James potter goes against everything he stands for,, sirius betrayed him,, but perhaps they're right abt smth?? Perhaps he needs to do smth. alone.

sorry for rambling but these are my thoughts on jegulus !! Anyways I feel like I should reiterate that this is a personal preference!! I think it ruins core of these characters, i prefer jily and i love me some unrequited gay pining for the boy who you're brother replaced u with. But this is just a personal preference !

oh and just a side note if it ever led to a decision where james had to choose between sirius and regulus -- no matter how much he 'allegedly' loved regulus, he would choose sirius, no questions asked.

[ucannotkillmeinawaythatmatters]

who’s your fav yuri on ice character???

oh gosh, it's toooo hard to choose just one!! hope you don't mind me cheating, but here's a quick rundown of my top favorite characters (in no particular order):

k yuuri: now it's actually not very often when the main character of the anime is actually my favorite, but yuuri is just so great!! his anxiety and insecurities are so relatable, I just can't help but root for him. he works so goddamn hard to achieve his dreams, and he's so unbelievably kind and caring. I rly like how he can be selfless at some points and selfish at others. he's just so agfjsnaj. I adored being able to follow him as he worked and succeeded. like he's just so captivating, I literally can't not pay him attention. my heart would ache every time he struggled with his issues, and I couldn't help but cheer every time he had a success. I just love him a lot!!

Viktor: god there's just so much to him. he's too interesting. I'm not eloquent enough to give a good character analysis, but I have read plenty of them and loved every second of it. he chases after what he wants til he gets it. he always succeeds. he's super contradictory in that he's mad calculating, but he seems like an airhead. he's super intelligent, but he gets lots of ppl to think he's dumb and unthinking. he's also so so tragic bc he was depressed and stagnant for so long. I feel like it's also hard to get a good grasp on who he is bc of the way he molds himself to be whatever is needed. until yuuri showed him how to just be himself ofc. but yeah he's just rly interesting!!

Chris: I rly don't have much to go on with him bc of his side character status unfortunately. he's just a funky lil guy and I like him!! he's got that supportive friend energy and he seems like a major instigator to me, which is super fun. and I crack up every time he does a routine with "sex appeal" which just makes me like him more

yuri p: my like of yuris character has changed over the years interestingly enough?? when I first started watching YOI, we were around the same age. so I was pretty in awe of him, and looked up to how cool he was. despite his unfortunate love of cat prints (which I personally dislike). but yeah, he was majorly inspiring cuz here's somebody my age whos so angry and proud, pouring out blood sweat and tears into achieving his goals. as I got older, it got a lil different?? bc here's somebody so young sacrificing his soul to get everything he wanted to get. but he's baby. he's just a baby. must give him support, must give him protection. but yeah, I love him!!

otabek: again, not that much to go on with him. but there's just smth so endearing about him being notoriously private and quiet, looking at Yuri in all his loudness and anger and just. choosing to be friends with him. bro had the perfect set up to be angry and jealous over the difference in their careers, but instead he just wanted to be friends!! which Yuri definitely needed, so that gives him extra bonus points

thanks so much for your ask!! I hope you don't mind how this ended up being pretty long and rambly

[d3adp00ls]

(Totally didn't accidentally delete the ask)

Definitely

Fandom: Stranger things

Pairing: Robin Buckley x reader

Word count: 1,115

Warnings: Curse words, steve is a stalker, Enemies to Lovers, not proofread, the ending was kinda rushed.

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You had first seen Robin in 5th grade, but you officially met her in 8th grade, you guys had to do a project together, even though you didn't want to, the thing is, you hated the blue-eyed girl, everything she did irritated you, the way that when she was nervous she wouldn't stop rambling, the way she would bite her lip when she was deep in thought, the way she laughs at Harringtons stupid jokes. it all made you hate her more, she was just annoying, but what you hated most was the way you would feel every time you saw her and Steve Harrington together, you were supposed to hate her, you did hate her, yet you can't stop yourself from being jealous, so every time you saw her you would start an argument with her each chance you got. So when you find yourself stuck with both of them, Nancy Wheeler, Dustin Henderson, and Max Mayfield in a house where a family died looking for some monster named Vecna that was killing teenagers like yourself, you aren't very pleased for numerous reasons, especially when Nancy makes pairs and sets you up with Robin Buckley herself, you tried to object but Nancy only shook her head.

“This isn't the time for arguing with who and who you don't want to go with, this is no place for that, just go with Robin,” she says before going to look around.

To be honest you believe she just did this because she herself didn't wanna be paired up with her after they went to go speak with that Creel guy.

You mumble something before going to follow Robin upstairs.

You both entered a room and began looking around for any clues.

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After a little while, you gave up and sat on the floor waiting for Robin to finish.

When she finally finishes she walks over to you and sits down next to you.

“Hi,” she says looking over at you with a small smile.

You respond with a small smile before going back to playing with your rings. 

“Y/n?” you replied with a hum.

“Why do you hate me?” she asks and you froze at the question.

“What?”

“It's just, you always seem to be so mad to be around me and you always start arguments with me and just a few minutes ago when Nancy paired us up you tried to argue and say no, I'm just wondering if I did something that hurt you?” 

“I..” You don’t know how to respond I mean why did you hate her, why did you hate everything she did, honestly everything she does is normal, you even do some of the things she does, do you dislike yourself? Well, kind of…but that doesn't have anything to do with her, it's not her fault, so why the hell did you-

“I dont know..” You mumble and she looks at you before turning to play with her own rings.

“So you just argue with me for no reason?” she mumbles.

“No… there's a reason..” 

“Then what is it?” she asks eagerly, your heart starts to beat faster and you groan.

“Why do you care? It doesn't even matter. Just leave me alone” you say before standing up and trying to walk away, but she follows and continues to speak.

“Yes it does matter, I want to know why you seem to hate me so much that you can't even stand being around me, why you always roll your eyes even if I only breathe, why you start arguments with me over small things that even matter, why-”

“BECAUSE I'M SCARED!!” you yell making her stop speaking and moving.

“What?”

“Because I'm fucking scared!” you say turning around to face her.

“Of me?” 

“What? Hell no, I'm scared of my feelings for…” you stop speaking looking away.

“for? “ she says which your only response is a gulp.

“Y/n, for who!!”

“FOR YOU DAMN IT!!” you yell.

It takes a moment for her to react but I didn't wait I just continued.

“I fucking like you and I can't help but think about you all the fucking time, and I fucking hate it because I know it's wrong to like the same gender in a place like Hawkins, but I can't help it, everything you do just makes me fall for you even more, and I just get angry and jealous when I see you and Steve together, And I know you guys aren't a thing or anything but still its just…your guy's relationship makes me jealous the fact that he can put a smile on your face or make you laugh its just…I dont know…I guess I just wish it was me instead of him..” you mumble the last part looking down towards the ground.

“Whoa-” she finally says and you let out a dry chuckle in response.

“I know it's pathetic, I'm sorry for bothering you all this time I just-”

“Nonono it's not pathetic at all I…you really like me? Like for real? Me?” she says lifting her hand to point at herself.

you nod.

“Holy shit,” she mumbles while running her hand through her hair.

You only stand there staring at the ground with my hands stuffed into your jean pockets.

“Y/n…if I had I known that you…Shit- this is crazy I...I dont know what to say” She mumbles

“You dont like me back. It's cool, I-”

“No! No… I definitely like you… a lot, it's just…why didn't you just tell me? I didn't even think you were gay.”

“I didn't think you were gay, plus I can't really just go around telling girls I like them, who knows what'll happen, this is a small town, word gets by quickly,” you say scratching the back of my neck.

“So you like me?” you ask and she nods.

“And you like me?” she asks and nods.

“Wow…thats crazy,” she says with a laugh, you laugh with her.

“FUCKING FINALLY!!” 

You jump at the sound of Harrington yelling and coming out of know where.

“Holy shit steve-” you mumble.

“I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOREVER!!” He yells grabbing Robin's arm and going to grab yours but you back up before he can touch you.

“Were you listening to our conversation the whole time?” Robin asks him looking at him questionably.

“YES!!.. I mean…no?... It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you guys are finally together!!” He says with a toothy grin looking at both of you. 

“Together?” you ask.

“Yeah…didnt you guys make it official?” he asks.

“I dont know…did we?” you ask looking at Robin.

“Definitely,” Robin says with a nod.

“Definitely.” You say with a smile.

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Ok, so this is my first request yayy.. I know I kind of changed some things if you don't like how it turned out you can just ask me to try again I guess but uh until next time .

bye, simps.

[undertale-writing-times]

"There's nothing I would change about you" for Inferno, please?

First prompt of this! Thank you for sending it in :) It was a lot of fun to write for this boy. He seems to be my most popular out of my Grillby’s... interesting? I wonder why. 

Living in the underground, you didn't have the time to feel bad about yourself. At least, you shouldn't. You had other things to worry about. That's what Inferno always told himself, at least.

He didn't look in the mirror often, he didn't look at his reflection and whenever he saw it, he would get a little mad. He hated seeing himself, it reminded him of a time before all of the... bad stuff started to happen.

He used to be such a nice guy. He would help anyone that needed it but then the war started, and he got colder to everyone around him. It was because he didn't want to be used or hurt anymore. It was just... tiring. Do you know how annoying it was to wake up every day, worried that you're gonna get killed?

See so many of your friends dying or feeling their dust against you? He hated it! So he decided he wouldn't have friends anymore. If he didn't have them, then there was no way for him to be hurt anymore.

He became mean to everyone around him, lashing out and threatening them. He often butted heads with Edge but then there was Red... Red was everything he thought that he would hate. Like, look at him! Yeah, he sometimes fought back but he was too weak to normally do that.

2 HP? Weakest fuckin' monster in the game! Plus, he never paid his bill and always said 'put it on my tab' ugh, as if that asshole would pay anything... Yet he never did anything against Red. He would give him food, and send him out when it was time for closing or even sometimes take him home if he had too much and got a 'stomach' ache or whatever. Maybe it was because he made a deal? He couldn't remember but that's what he had in mind.

Now that they were above ground though, there were a lot of things that he would need to get used to. I mean, being around so many humans and knowing that they weren't gonna try to kill you? Tsh, as if. Some of these guys still hated him, and he hated them all.

Well... almost all of them.

There was this one human, their name was Y/n. They met for the first time a little while after the monsters got out of the underground, he was still trying to get used to the idea of being up there when they helped him out.

It started to rain, and as everyone knew, fire monsters weren't the best with rain. He was so mad! Why the hell did it start to rain today? He looked it up! It said that it wasn't supposed to rain. Ugh, damn liars... So, that's why he's being forced to stay under this edge, watching the water pool down. Puddles on the ground... This was full and complete bullshit.

He continued to grumble and groan where he was sitting, lost in thought until someone had come over. It was Y/n, a human, offering him the use of their umbrella "you look like you need it more than I do," they said, with a tiny smile on their face.

After that, he thought that they'd never see each other again, bit of course, they did.

They kept meeting up, sometimes on accident other times, he went to where he figured that they would be... It was nice. They never seemed too bothered by the fact that he shouted so often, or snapped at them sometimes. It wasn't that he... wanted to? More just it was a force of reaction. And normally, he wouldn't care.

Until... Now.

It was a day where he was hanging with Y/n. He snapped at them for something dumb, and he knew it wasn't something that they would take to heart but then, he heard others talking.

"What a mean monster, yelling at his friend like that" "I wouldn't even talk to him if he treated me like that" "Me either..."

Inferno clenched his jaw, and kept walking with Y/n, listening to them rant and ramble. Yet... even with who he is, he couldn't help but let his mind wonder. Did Y/n dislike him? Were they going to stop talking to him? With a sigh, he looks over at them.

"Hey"

They pause, likely confused on why he interrupted them, but say, "Yeah Inferno?"

"I know that I ain't the best person people can have as a friend, don't even know why you decided ta be mine" he rubs at where his neck would be, looking off to the side "So uh-"

Y/n holds up their hand, making him stop talking going still, and they say, "There's nothing I would change about you"

He blinks at that, going silent and reaches up, fixing his sunglasses. Well damn... okay... fuck what the hell is he supposed to say to that? His mind rushed and he felt... embarrassed. "Ugh, stop being soft" he reaches over, lightly pushing them while making sure to be cold enough to not hurt them. They laugh, rubbing their arm.

Damn this human...

Making him soft.

[sparks-joy-imagines]

Howdy! I absolutely love the works you guys have done so far and cant wait to see where it goes

May i request sanji with a s/o whos absolutely horrible at cooking and at night they try to secretly improve it but one day get caught by sanji

thinking hes gonna get angry for using his kitchen without permission, and for not even making something good, they start apologizing immediately but instead of getting angry, sanji is actually very supportive and helps teach them how to cook better and boosts their confidence?

Thank you! Have a good day!

hey love❤ I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE ENJOYING OUR WORK TT^TT it’s been long since I wrote for Sanji so I hope I could channel his sweet essence good enough~ Hope you can enjoy this imagine as much as our other stuff and please have an amazing day✨ - mesu. Vinsmoke Sanji x reader It hadn’t even started on a whim. You simply wanted to take an interest in Sanji’s passion as much as he was in yours. But ever since you were a child, anything involving food has been a struggle for you. It was like the ingredients were volitionally working against you.

Still, you were adamant to improve your skills so you could show Sanji how much you cared for him and so that he wouldn’t feel embarrassed by your lack of skills. How could Sanji, the master chef, have a significant other who was bad at cooking after all?

You had no doubt that Sanji would be willing to teach you but given your history of turning anything you touched inedible and Sanji’s experience with starvation you thought it no good idea to exhaust your supplies for a likely lost cause, especially in front of him.

Instead you made it a habit to pick some ingredients up on your own whenever you made port. Once you accumulated a decent enough amount to work with, you waited till everyone but the night watch was fast asleep. Then, you would sneak into the kitchen and try your luck, albeit you didn’t quite know how to.

Tonight, too, you stood in front of the pantry and tried your best to get the yeast of your dough to work. It was half past four in the morning and even if your eyes were burning, you wouldn’t stop until you either got one of the doughs you prepared to rise or the sun crept over the horizon to signal you that you had to scurry away.

Sulking you glared at the two trial doughs of which neither had risen. You had tried everything; mixing according to recipe, not mixing according to recipe; adding chilled milk, adding warm milk and yet it still didn’t work out. This was a disaster. Again…

Lost in thought as you were, you didn’t notice the footsteps approaching. Only when a warm pair of arms wrapped around your torso and a face buried in the crook of your neck to inhale your scent, you winced in surprise.

“You’re up early, (Y/N),” Sanji muttered against your skin with his raspy morning voice, stifling a yawn.

You couldn’t help but tense up in his hold. Once Sanji realised what you were doing here, he would surely get mad and scold you about wasting supplies and desecrating his kitchen. Your eyes started to burn when you felt Sanji press a kiss on your neck and turn his head to peek at the bowl.

“Working with yeast, love?”

“Please don’t be mad.”

“Huh?”

You started shivering in his hold, yet didn’t resist when he turned you around so he could face you. Sanji’s hands found their way to your cheeks and cupped them as he searched for your gaze, “What’s wrong darling, mh?”

Looking down you nibbled your lip, clearly hesitating to offer any explanation.

“I’m so sorry I used your kitchen without your permission. I know how you dislike ingredients being used in vain and I really just wanted to become a better cook so you could be proud of me, but I’m just horrible and I don’t deserve being in-…”

Before you could continue your ramble Sanji had simply shut you up by pressing his lips against yours lovingly. Unravelled, you simply sank into the kiss.

After a moment you mumbled against his lips, “Why aren’t you angry?”

“How could I be when you’re trying your best to learn about what I’m passionate about?” Sanji grinned sweetly and lightly patted your head, “Also, don’t worry about the ingredients too much. Just having something not turn out as it is supposed to doesn’t mean it’s inedible after all.”

You didn’t hesitate when he took your hand and pulled you over to inspect the trial doughs you had deemed failures.

“These for example,” – Sanji took one of the bowls which habited the dough in his other hand and paid it a close look – “Sure you may have mixed different amounts of the ingredients but that’s an easy fix. See the one here is sticky so it needs more flour; the other one is too floury so it needs more liquid.”

Amazed, you looked from one bowl to the other and back, “…so… it’ll be fine if I just put those two together?”

Sanji beamed at you, “Precisely!”

He put the bowl back down and loosely wrapped his arm around you, giving you a little nudge closer to him, “Wanna try it?”

You nodded, took a deep breath and put the two doughs in another larger bowl to mix them. While you were busy kneading through you what soon looked like a decent enough product, Sanji marvelled at you from the side, “That’s it, (Y/N). Look at you applying the perfect amount of pressure! You’re so good at this.”

Even if his words spread a warm feeling in your chest, you were still conscious about one more thing.

“Thanks, Sanji-kun. But it still doesn’t explain why neither has risen, though.”

“You see, yeast is a tricky ingredient. It’s actually alive, if you will, and needs food and warmth to thrive. If you give it a little bit of sugar and warm milk, it’ll love you. Just keep it away from salt and you’ll be fine.”

Still busy with your hands you shot him a surprised glance which seemed to tell That’s all?

Sanji smirked softly and chuckled, “Don’t tell me you always mixed the yeast with salt first?”

Your expression was more than telling and after a moment both of you burst out with light-hearted laughter. Maybe asking your boyfriend for advice in the kitchen wasn’t such a bad idea.

[barbecuebabybackribs]

Dating Rosalie Hale Would Include: (Male Reader)

It was a normal day for Rosalie

It felt like the millionth time she went to college, she couldn’t go to ivy league colleges every time- although she wished she could since now she was at an underfunded local college, she was just glad she didn’t need to suffer within the dorms which were- less then hygienic

She already had taken this course dozens of time so her mind was else where, that was until the smell hit her

Something so alluring, it almost drove her mad, suddenly an intense urge to go find something consumed her, she knew what this feeling was, she knew it was her mate- the stories the other told her about described this feeling- she was about to get up and follow it when the door creaked open.

She looked over and saw a young man walk into the room- he looked confused and somewhat embarrassed- it’s him, is all she thought.

Everything about her drew her in, she wanted to run up and embrace him that very second but she knew she couldn’t

She looked around the room, there were a few open chair around the room but most of them were around her- the other humans could instinctively tell something was off with her, that she was a predator even if they didn’t consciously know it- she prayed he would choose a seat next to her

As the younger boy gave a slip to the teacher and then made his way up the aisles to find a seat- they locked eyes for a moment.

Your entire face ran hot as you made eye contact with one of the most beautiful women you’d ever seen, she quite literally took your breath away

You saw nearly half the aisle she was in was empty.

You weren’t quite ballsy enough to sit right next to the beautiful girl in your class- this wasn’t some cheesy romance movie and you didn’t want to make it obvious

so you sat two chair away from her, your palms sweat slightly when she looked at you and smiled- something about her made you nervous but you still wanted to get to know her.

You spend the whole class trying your best to pay attention but being distracted by the fact that Rosalie keeps looking at you- looking strangely excited

Which was accurate, she was practically over the moon, you didn’t sit right next to her but you were close enough- for now.

She had been desperately searching for a mate for her entire life- even her human one.

She has so desperately wanted to be loved, she died because she trusted the wrong man with her love.

She just wanted to be held by someone she loved, to feel a loving embrace, to simply exist in the presence of someone who loves he unconditionally

That’s why she brought Emmett to Carlisle, she thought she finally found someone who would love her.

And Emmett did, but not the way she wanted. He loved her as a Sister, a Friend- but that wasn’t enough

She was so excited but also so terrified of messing up her one opportunity at love- she was ultimately going to leave it up to you whether or not you would date, she didn’t want to pressure you into anything because of how she felt.

So that’s how it went on for almost a week, casting a shy glance at Rosalie and meeting her sweet smile.

You laughed sometimes at how cold she looked whenever anyone else interacted with her but when you so much as looked at her she looked as if she couldn’t hurt a fly

You wanted to say hello but you were so terrified that you had misread the signs and she just wanted to be alone.

So you decided you would simply sit down in the seat next to her but not say anything- you’d leave that up to her

You nearly jumped out of your skin when she said hello.

You looked over and almost got lost in her strangely color honey eyes- they matched her hair, it was beautiful

“Hello!” You snapped out of it, “Uhm, I’m new, I don’t think we’ve ever actually talked.” You hadn’t that why you were so nervous and your heart was beating a mile a minute.

“I’m Rosalie,” She smiled, “And your Y/N, right?”

“Uhm yeah, how’d you know?”

“I heard you talking to the teacher once, don’t worry I’m not stalking you.” Which was true, she always looked down on how Edward would handle the situation with Bella, so she let you have your space

“Oh,” You said slightly embarrassed at how loud you must’ve been talking

“Well it’s nice meeting you Rosalie, we should talk more often, I don’t know many people around here.” You sucked in a nervous breath, almost dying on the spot when she didn’t respond immediately 

“Oh, I’d love that.” Her voice was soft but sweet

From that day forward you two would chat before and after class- about everything.

Simple things like what your favorite things were, what things you disliked, to more complicated things like family. You both could talk about anything and everything and even if you disagreed it was okay, you both accepted it.

You found yourself constantly getting lost in her voice as she told you about her life, her family, literally anything and you were in-captured

You started hanging out, outside of school

First place you went was your favorite cafe- which she was reluctant by but agreed. She ordered a cappuccino

“Rose, you don’t need to drink it if you don’t like it”

“I’m not much of a... coffee person.”

“Then why did you- you know what it’s okay.” You laughed

You decided to find things other then cafe’s to go to

You go to the movies

To parks and just talk, or to goof around

She takes you shopping when your one jacket get’s damaged and she learns you can’t afford a new one with your student loans and student housing debt

Girl wants to cry when she learns how crappy your dorm room is- constantly has leaks from the rain, loud obnoxious dormmates, light’s that constantly flicker and give you headaches.

She makes a vow to try and make your college experience as pleasant as possible.

After a month she finally asks you out

You choke on you drink but manage to wheeze out a yes as she pats your back

She takes you to a cafe- opts to not order anything- and then to the park where she planned a cute little picnic

She’s been planning this for decades and she’d be damned if she didn’t spoil the hell out of you

She ends up rambling about cars when you compliment hers.

Is so happy when you respond with your rudimentary knowledge of cars

She’s so elated the entire day

She drives you to your dorm.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay getting home, Rose? It’s after dark and I wouldn’t mind taking you home.”

“I’ll be fine Y/N... thank you for worrying.”

“Alright... just please be safe alright?”

“Same goes for you.”

There’s a moment of pause and you work up the courage to halfly do what you’d been wanting to all day.

You kiss her cheek

Then rush inside as you almost hyperventilate- was dating supposed to be this nerve-wracking?

You almost don’t go to class the next day

She’s smiling ear to ear when she see’s you

“So about last night-”

“Uh- sorry i should’ve asked- I don’t know what I was thinking, heh, I understand if-”

“No, I liked it.”

“oh”

You blush for the rest of the class

Practically skip back to the dorms

She texts you later that day and asks if you’d want to come to her house during the weekend

You agree although nervous to meet her family so soon

She picks you up in her convertible.

You both find out you have similar taste in music- you sing the songs with her and both laugh at how poorly the both of your singing was

When you pull up you gawk at her house

“Rose your rich.”

“Only slightly.”

“Women- you have a mansion and a convertible- I have a whole in the wall and not even a tire to roll in.”

She laughs and leads you inside

“Y/N!” You almost get tackled by a small pixie like girl,

“Alice!” Rosalie practically hissed yanking her off you

“Uhm- It’s okay? Hi?” You were confused but didn’t want to hurt anyones feelings by being mean

“Sorry, Rosalie.” The pixie girl giggled as a blonde man appeared behind her- are all these people like insanely attractive?

“Y/N! I’m so glad to meet you, I know we’ll be great friends! This is my husband Jasper!” She gestured to the blonde man who smiled stiffly at you.

“Well, Hi. It’s nice meeting you finally, Rose told me a lot about you guys.”

“All good thing I hope,” A kind woman looking in her mid twenties called out from across the room, “Alice why don’t you let Y/N take two steps in the door before you nearly tackle him to the ground.”

You have an awkward but pleasant meeting with everyone before Rosalie swiftly drags you to her room- obviously embarrassed.

“So your family is nice- little odd but nice.” You say when you enter her room.

“Don’t tell them that, it’ll go straight to their heads.”

You end up inspecting her entire room, lots of books on cars- but a lot of other things as well, Medical books, mathematical books, Shakespeare, scientific books and collectibles

“Uhm Rose?”

“Yes?”

“Are you... a genius?”

“No, but I am smart.”

“Rose, your rich, pretty, nice, smart- why the hell are you seeing me?”

You said it in a joking manor but when you looked over you could tell she was taking it very seriously

“Don’t ever say that Y/N.”

“I’m sorry- I didn’t know it’d upset you.”

“It’s okay- just please don’t joke about that sort of thing, your the only person I want to be with.” She breathed out before putting a smile on her face, “Anyways, What do ya wanna do?”

You end up spending the day talking and she shows you around the house, then shows you the cars she’s working on- You also talk to her family some more- Alice and Esme adore you, so do the others they’re just more quiet about it

You end up staying way later then intended,

“I should probably go back to the dorms, I’d hate to keep you guys up to late.”

“Ah right.” Rosalie said awkwardly, “You’re probably tired.”

“Slightly but considering I always stay up to finish paper I’m fiii- Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I HAVE A PAPER DUE TOMORROW AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED- I GOTTA GO.” You said practically sprinting out the house,

“Y/N- I drove you here!”

You turn around and grab her hand- not even thinking about being embarrassed- “We have to go!” You announced, hurrying out of the house.

You end up speeding home with her and she spends the night helping you with the paper- finding it cute how stressed you got over a relatively easy paper

She ends up spending the night- your dorm mates don’t mind since they’ve had done much more inappropriate things with women while you were in the room then sleep

Rosalie ends up pretending to sleep until you fall asleep, loving it when you- while still asleep- throw an arm around her and cuddle up to her

“I’m really glad I met you.” She said softly letting you sleep in her arms, knowing your safe helps her relax and she gets as close to sleep as a vampire can get

Loves how you look when you wake up- hair disheveled, cheeks flushed , eyes droopy.

“You’re so handsome.” She said kissing your nose- smiling when she hears your heart beat quicken.

“That’s rich coming from the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”

“Would you guys stop it with that sappy shit!” Your dorm mate said throwing a shoe at you- Rosalie somehow cached it and chucked it back at him.

“Sorry about them.”

“It’s alright, it’s worth it to spend time with you.”

You guys are pretty sappy 94% percent of the time- the other 6% of the time you are on some crackhead shit

“Rose look at this!” “Y/N DON’T GO ON THE CHANDELIER--”

She basically is the only reason your alive

She loves when you pick her up- like loves it more then life itself

She finally gets the loving and comfortable embrace she’s been longing

Will leap into your arms so your guard is always up

Your first kiss is simple but amazing, she doesn’t want to stop  but knows she has too

Once you share that first kiss the damn has been broken

Long make-out sessions, quick kisses goodbye, sloppy kisses, french kisses, Eskimo kisses, butterfly kisses- you guys do them all.

One time she  bit your lip and pulled on it slightly- you let out a moan and that girl had to physically restrain herself from going further

When becoming more intimate comes up she decides to tell you

She just straight up comes up to you and says it

“Stop panicking-”

“I made out with a vampire- why don’t you have fangs?”

“That’s a myth.”

“Oh wow- that’s a myth but what about the blood thing- cause I love you but I don’t know if I’m into that.”

She explains everything to you calmly- answering all you questions

You end up getting pretty excited and rambling about all sorts of things

“Omg, can you turn into a bat because that’d be sick.”

“No- You’re taking this very well.”

“I’m dating a gorgeous, strong, vampire woman- I couldn’t be happier.”

Rosalie loves you so much

From that day forward there are no secrets

She tells you everything- even about Roy.

You hold her when she starts to get emotional, stroking her back softly 

“Thank you for being... you.” She mumbles into you chest.

“It’s my pleasure.”

On a happier note, she loves kissing your neck

Kissing your nose

Kissing you just about everywhere

Holding your hand is a must everywhere

You watch her work on cars and talk to her

She teaches you a few things

Stroking your hair

She spoils you with gifts- you ask her to stop because it’s overwhelming you

You guys don’t wait to get intimate.

In her car or in your dorm is your go to places- the thought of her family or your roommates hearing you makes you skittish

All I’m gonna say is she like’s having power

She only turns you because you get sick- extremely sick.

Treatments aren’t working and Carlisle know’s you won’t make it

He pumps you full of drugs so you don’t feel as much of it as possible

Rosalie holds you and is on the verge of tears that won’t seem to spill

Want’s to take your pain away when you clutch at her blouse and plead with her to make it stop,

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. But I can’t loose you.”

She knew you wanted to be a vampire- she let you make the decision- and the pain was just taking over, but it still killed her

Hold’s you in her arms for day’s waiting for you to wake up

When you do she doesn’t let go

“Rose- Can I get up please?” You rasp out- your throat unbearable dry

“Oh of course.”

Rosalie can’t help but smile when she see’s you smiling at her

She’s about to speak when Alice bursts in the room carrying a mirror “Oh. Y/N you’re so handsome you must see!”

Everyone is somewhat sympathetic but also excited

Rosalie drags you away and swear she’ll be the only one who teaches you about being a vampire- and she does

You guys are an iconic and powerful duo

You insist on carrying her around bridal style since you obtained your newfound strength

She isn’t complaining

Speaking of bridal

You guys get married a few years after your turned

Alice want’s to plan it all and go all out- but you and Rosalie want to plan a smaller arrangement

It’s cute- Alice could’ve made it cuter but it was cute

Wanting to cry during the vows

You guys can break it down on that dance floor- she gave you lessons

You guys go to Paris for your honeymoon- and let’s just say the wedding night does not disappoint

Although the others in the hotel who wanted to sleep are disappointed

You guys are so unbelievably happy together

You’re so glad you found each other, so glad you got to be with the other.

You don’t know what the future holds but whatever happens you know you can get through it together because you have each other.

(Opinions? Also techinically I didn’t lie it did come out when I said it’s just kinda late lmao) @iiconicsfan25 i hope this was okay

[experimental-failures]

Diovus Eesket: Introduction

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I'm not sure why I'm actually writing any of this. It's hard to bring back these memories and I don't like to bring them up unless it's for a purpose. So I guess I do have a purpose with all this.

I'm just rambling so I don't have to think about it. So I'll get to it.

My name is Diovus Eesket. I'm a purple blood with voodoos that can allow me to do a few things to those that drink anything I have poured for them. The activator is annoying to deal with when you want it used quickly, but my voodoos let me take temporary control over an individual, usually only for a quick movement. There is also the ability that I have been developing, the ability to use my voodoos to shatter someone's mind, often driving the individual mad or leaving them in a comatose state. I don't like using that ability, but that didn't matter to the group that kept me.

That group, it was made up of ten purples counting myself. I'm not sure how it all got started but when I was..... "taken in" their goal was attempting to create their own church, one that was going to give the Messiahs more praise than any others and delve into sacrificial territory. I'm glad that never came to be since all of them were piss poor at advocating what they wanted and never drew anyone in.

I was brought into this group simply because I had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and I'll leave it at that. I didn't want to be there but I could never find a way to escape from them. So after awhile I simply did what they wanted and hoped that their dreams would shatter and they'd eventually disband.

Neither happened.

What did happen was that they began to have rivals, church trolls that didn't like what they were doing for whatever reason. I never cared but hoped they would kill eachother.

Instead that was left to me. When the group found out about my ability to shatter a person's mind, they decided to use that to send a message.

There were atleast five separate occasions where they would have me use that ability to shatter a persons mind and send them back to whoever was giving them trouble. That's where I found out that my voodoos still work if the drink is forced.

I never wanted that ability to be used like that. I never wanted to use it in the first place, it was just something I found out about in a fit of rage sweeps before any of this. But I developed the skill and it got me here. The reason they gave for using my skill for something like that? Because there were things worse than death and that was one of them.

I still couldn't get away from any of it, but I did find a silver lining at some point.

That silver lining was named Mikrim Eigret. Mikrim was one of the guys that had been with the group longer than me and he didn't talk much at first. Honestly after awhile of watching him, he seemed uncomfortable about everything that was going on. When they started using me to shatter people's minds I could tell he was just as upset about all of as I was. Though he would also look at me with an intense glare after that first time, he would later tell me that he didn't know how much I disliked doing it.

I never approached him about it, but it must have been obvious enough when I stopped eating. After enough times of being forced to mentally destroy someone, your appetite tends to fail and unfortunately for the imaginary people who will never read this, I eventually couldn't handle it anymore and gave up eating all together. Some of them tried to make me eat and more than once I would have my arm twisted in an attempt to make me open my mouth for them to shovel food into. The only reason they kept me around at this point was to hope I'd get over myself so they could use my ability again.

I was surprised one night when Mikrim actually came to check on me, by then he must have known what my refusal to eat meant. And, feeling like I wouldn't have the graces to be around anymore, I told him everything and how much I hated being with these people.

He completely agreed.

Then he told me about an idea he had, a modification of what these idiots wanted to do. Start a church that would be simply for the people who are suffering from cruelty of everything that this planet throws at them. A place to just forget your issues for awhile and be around those that shared your opinion. Not having to worry about being anyone's play thing or having to stick to social structures in place.

In my hazy starvation, I agreed with him and even told him it was an idea to actually strive for. I knew it probably never would have worked out, he'd get crushed by any church for doing anything to rival them. But it was a nice idea to think about. Kinda wished someone had done something similar before any of this had happened.

I don't remember much of what he said after that, my hearing was starting to go I think, but I could have sworn I had heard him ask if he I wanted to help him with it. That surprise ended up knocking me back to attention! I had missed part of him explaining why he asked it but what I did hear was along the lines of it being easier to start if he wasn't alone in his goal. I could see the reasoning, even if it was flawed from the start. I was the only one in the group that seemed to also dislike what was going on so I guess that made me his only choice for this.

It took me awhile to get my head straight and even longer for me to figure out an answer. Though thinking back, I don't think I'd have ever said no.

I agreed and Mik stated a fact, if I was to help him with his goal I would need to start eating again and get back to my former "Glory".

No one can see it but I'm laughing at that still, it was his words, not mine. I don't know what glory he had seen but my sad current state wouldn't even be good for walking a mile. So I started eating again and healing what damage had been done from my selfish act of defiance.

I knew the others had noticed it, but Mik and I started spending most of our time together. Mostly he was making sure I was still eating and keeping up my strength, but sometimes we would try to talk about an actual plan of what to do once we got away from the group. Hindsight is a bitch, we didn't put as much time into thinking about how to get away.

Once I was back to my old self, we decided to wait for an opportunity to get away. The others were more fighters than we were and Mik was actually the smallest of us so we thought it impossible to fight our way out, not even mentioning the difference in numbers.

We waited for a few sweeps, a decent chance never really showing itself. During that time the group went back to using my skill to break people as a show of what they can do, trying to keep rivals at bay through just fear. It still troubled both me and Mik, though we ended up helping eachother as much as we could, me calming him when the guilt would become too much for him and Mik snapping me out of my hazes when it seemed like I was starting to not eat again. We got better at it over time and I eventually learned that some of the victims were actually able to put their minds back together. It showed that my skill wasn't as final as we had initially thought, so the group decided to start doing attacks on any rivals that got too close.

Unfortunately for Me and Mik, that actually lead to our opening for escape.

I'll skip our planning the escape because in the long run it didn't matter. We got unlucky and we paid for it.

One night the group decided to split in half, one half going to attack a group that had been giving them trouble for the past couple weeks, and the other half staying where they had made camp to keep watch incase the others tried something similar. Since Me and Mik weren't much good in a fight, we were relegated to staying with the half that would watch camp.

We waited while the raider half went out and it had been a long time since they left when one of the others finally spoke up about getting tired. So they came up with the idea to sleep in shifts, like ya do in that situation. And I volunteered Mik for being the first to keep watch.

The others agreed cause no one actually wanted to do that job but you did it cause you had to or you looked like the asshole. Anyway, rant aside. This was actually perfect, we could just wait for them to go to sleep and slip away. And that's what we did, once the last one was actually asleep, we made our way as far from the camp as we could.

Unfortunately that's where the good ends.

We ran into the raider group, coming back from having demolished their targets. We weren't smart, we panicked and we-

We ran away from them as soon as we saw them and we knew they had seen us. I'd find out later that they knew we were unsatisfied with what they were doing, mostly because of my obvious spouts of depressive starvation and Mik's inability to ever develop a poker face.

They eventually caught Mikrim and me. They took us back to camp and woke the others up and told them about what they found. Mik tried to give some excuses but ultimately they fell of deaf ears.

The group tried to think of what to do with us, some wanted to try and use their voodoos to control us so they didn't lose any members. The others felt it would be too much work for both of us and as soon as they said that, I could feel the blood hit me when they killed Mikrim. One if them had shoved their spear through his pusher from behind and another had cut his head clean off. They tossed his body to the side and then moved to me.

I don't know what was said or done after that. My body was frozen, my mind in a deep haze, and a horrible ringing in my ears that threatened to drive me mad. All the energy I had built up from attempting our escape and the excitement of trying to actually do something with Mikrim, had all disappeared leaving not an ounce left. Everything felt heavy, I really wanted to just go to sleep and not wake up.

The only time I was able to hear anything was when they began to shake me. I had apparantly fallen to my knees and they were trying to ask me something.

What they had decided on was just killing me. If they couldn't just control me and my ability, they didn't want to have it bite them in the ass later. But since I had helped them so much they were going to let me atleast have a final request. This was surprising for many reasons to me but the only thing I could think of was a simple yet stupid idea. I didn't even know if it would work.

I simply asked them to let me pour myself a drink. They agreed since it seemed like a simple thing that couldn't hurt them. So they gave me a bottle and a cup after reinforcing that I wanted to pour it. I drank the water that I had poured from the bottle into the cup, and then poured the rest of the water out on the ground. One last stupid sign of "fuck you" that likely wouldn't even matter to any of them.

Then I started. It was a weird feeling, like I was forgetting things but not quite. Like my mind was being fragmented into millions of pieces and shuffled around until nothing made sense and everything looked like nothing. It's very hard to actually describe. Mikrim might have done a better job of it cause he had written in his free time and at one point had wanted to be a writer apparantly. He'd help me water some of the more interesting plants around the camps we made when it seemed like they hadn't had anything to drink in awhile. I'm rambling again huh?

Anyway, I had shattered my own mind with my voodoos, something I wasn't even sure could happen. Didn't know if voodoos would work on yourself and all that.

It was hard to do anything like that, again, nothing made sense and I had no conscious string of thoughts. But somehow my mind slowly repaired itself, eventually I noticed the passing of time and could even understand what that meant again. As more pieces fell back into place I realized that I wasn't dead yet, but alot of time had passed. I couldn't think straight enough to figure anything out, not until I had my senses back. Slowly each one came back as I consciously was fitting the pieces of my mind back to a working order.

Then, when everything was almost back, I realized that the group that was about to kill me had instead been killed by the surrounding plant life. Vines and roots had penetrated the bodies of a few of them, spreading throughout their body until no life remained in their mangled bodies. Some seemed to have just been wrapped in the plants and crushed by their squeezing. Everything was a mess and I wasn't sure what to think. All I knew was I had to get out of there. And so I did.

I don't even remember where I went but it was away from there and that was good enough for me. The shock of everything still wreaked my body and mind, but the fact parts of me were still fragmented meant I wasn't getting the full brunt if it. I atleast used that to help calm myself. I would later figure out that my voodoos apparantly works on plants since they can "drink" what I pour for them. Essentially I could control plants if I wanted to. Mik would have loved that because of how ridiculous it was!

Eventually I did go back, feeding the bodies of the group to the local carnivorous plants, then using the plants to make a grave for Mik.

I had my time to mourn him and I'll skip the stuff that came after, alot of those stories should be for another time.

Mik would have liked to know that I did end up founding a group like he had wanted. We're too small to be considered a church, maybe a cult at best. But we are slowly growing and generally keeping to the idea of forgetting all the pain we've all been through. The main rule we have is no killing without good reason and while things aren't quite like what we thought it would be like, it seems good enough for the few that we've found that want an escape.

We have parties every now and then, some organize a big pailing party but that stuff gets kept separate from the main group since we try to allow any and all who want to join.

Whenever things get bad and events get alot of us down we all sit around and have a group feelings jam or just listen to someone ranting or complaining. Letting out that negative stuff helps and not many like to listen so that one seems to help alot.

But it's actually funny, when you give alot of people freedom to do what they want to do in a world that's constantly crushing you under its weight, they start acting like grubs again or the grubs they never got to be.

Hell, as I'm writing this they all are gathered around eachother and doing a show and tell thing!

Well, that's all of what I think I wanted to write.

Mikrim was the one to come up with this stuff but now I'm the one founding it.

It's a weird situation.

I hope I'm doing all this right.

---------------------------------------------------

A tall troll sitting by himself, away from the nearby group currently showing off their hobbies and skills, hesitates a moment before crumpling up the paper in his hands and tossing it into the small fire he had made.

He watches patiently as the paper burns, turning to ash.

Once the paper had burned completely away, the troll waited acouple more minutes, his back towards the others as one was currently showing off a guitar they had made by hand from the wood of a fallen tree.

When he had felt he had enough, the tall troll snuffed out the fire and buried the ashes under some dirt in hopes of it not causing problems for the nearby plant life.

Diovus turned, to the friends he had made, returning to them after an extended absence. Wanting to listen as the current teller played their hand made guitar for their first time.

[cryptid-crusader]

Don't mind me, just a casual nitpicky rant about Yowamushi Pedal under the cut lul

OK I am going to preface this by saying that I love Yowamushi Pedal. It’s one of my favorite animes, let alone favorite sports anime. Also everything I am about to say is completely my opinion for (what that’s worth loooooooool) so please don’t take it overly seriously it’s just my dumb rambles.

Anyway I AM VERY DISAPOINTED BY SO MANY THINGS IN YOWAMUSHI PEDAL SEASON 4 (that I finally watched after literal years) AND I AM UPSET.

· First things first, I just really miss the seniors. Even though I love Teshima and Aoyagi, and ofc I love Onoda, Naruko, and Imaizumi, I personally feel like Kaburagi and Danchiku are kind of lacking. I don’t dislike them (Kaburagi did take a while to grow on me tho) but compared to the characters we lost they just aren’t as good. They do not fill the hole in my heart.

· Speaking of Kaburagi, I get it’s for the lolz but it low key pisses me off that he doesn’t realize how much Aoyagi sacrifices for him and helps him. It’s frustrating. Give my boy the credit he deserves >:(

· And speaking of Aoyagi, though I adore him, I am so sorry… His inflation power is just really really bad. It looks dumb as hell. I get that it’s paying homage to Tadokoro but like… It’s just SO stupid looking. :( And I know Yowapeda is full of tons of silly and bizarre things (it’s one of the things that endears me to the series) but that is just bad.

· I am not upset about Sohoku not winning the first days sprint. I think it makes sense story wise, Sohoku won the first day sprint last year yadda yadda. I also get that with Hakone losing last year, they would be even tougher and more formidable this year, so I am not mad about that either. What I am mad about is how much the author is SHITTING ON SOHOKU. TWO WHOLE DAYS GO BY. THAT IS THREE RACES A DAY AND THEY DON’T WIN ONE OF THEM. IN TWO DAYS. WHO IS THIS SERIES ABOUT AGAIN??? Like I get it Hakone is out for blood but like, SOHOKU HAS BEEN WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF TOO TF???

· I was heartbroken over Teshima’s loss. It was so fucking frustrating. Like, you spent all this time focusing on him and his struggles, how he is surrounded by all these team mates with natural talent and sport super powers, but he himself is just a normal guy who had to bust his ass to be worthy of his position and riding with his team mates. And he DID work his ass off! He sacrificed so much of himself to be in the inner high!!! And instead of it being like this uplifting moment of ‘hard work paid off, I won!’ HE LOST. And not only did he lose, he poured so much or himself into taking the mountain that he totally wore himself out, almost passed out until Onoda caught him, and was just like useless for the rest of the day. And then, at the start of next day’s race, he became a burden weighing down the team a bit because he was still worn out from day one. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

· And did you have to have hit us with the ‘is it really so wrong for me to want to win once?’ dialogue??? Bro… :(

· Then after this we have fucking Imazumi working with Hakone to get back to Naruko and Midousuji, and he like… totally helps Hakone by pulling for them and shit in hopes of ‘using’ them to get to Naruko, but he ends up being used and Sohoku loses that ending line as well to HAKONE. WHO HE ACTIVELY HELPED. :) It’s fine.

· SPEAKING of Midousuji I just… Don’t understand why his team puts up with him? At all. I really liked him first inter high (especially talking about his childhood and getting a glimpse at the more ‘human’ side of him) but like… Bro is straight up running his team like he’s a dictator. And he’s not even the captain, but he gets to make all the shots? He’s mean as hell to everyone on his team, uses them, and treats them like shit. I’m sorry, but if his rude ass was on a team I wanted to join I would a. not join at all, b. kick him out, or c. start a new team without him. :) I get that he is super talented and the main reason Kyofushi does as well as the do but like goddamn… He sure as hell isn’t making this fun at all. Or rewarding. Why would you want to help HIM win? At this point that’s what it is, not the team winning, just this stank ass who treats you like shit and calls you a Zaku. No fucking thanks!!!

· On that note, why the fuck would the audience react the way they did when Midousuji gave his winning speech??? Again, he was just being a mean bitch and rude af on the stand to the other competitors. If anything, everyone should have been uncomfortable or the MC should have taken the mic away. No one would go to this highschool race, see this kid acting like a total fuck to his competition and be like yeah! He’s right! Only winners matter and everyone else is trash! Fuck sportsmanship and being a team player!!! Like NO. As my boyfriend said, “This must be the same group of people that go to Trump rallies” asdfghjkl

· While on the topic of rude, Yuto is a far cry from Hayato ell oh ell. Sorry kid, but Running people off the road with your bike is not showing how superior and talented you are. It just shows that you are acting like an ass.

· I am not mad about Ashikiba becoming the mountain king because I love him and he deserves it, but I am mad that Onoda had to put up with Yuto’s bs during that whole race.

· And then, we get down to the end of day two. Sohoku hasn’t won shit, but it’s on Imaizumi, the ace, so there is a good chance for success FINALLY. It’s his time to shine. He’s in perfect form. He’s riding on the hopes of his team, up against Midousuji. This is the perfect opportunity for redemption. After all the prev years long bs Midousuji has put him through. After all the pain and loss Sohoku has gone through. After Naruko, my darling bean boy who has never done anything wrong ever, gives his ALL and fucking drags the team and Imaizumi to the finish line to get the win…

· You guessed it! He loses! To Midou-FUCKING-Suji!!!

· I just… Like was this fun to write and draw? Because I am not having a fun time watching it. > : (

· I get that they should struggle. I get other teams are super strong. But why the fuck does Sohoku, our boys, have to be the only ones struggling WITHOUT any payoff??? Not one win???

· Also I had the tiniest bit of hope that hey. Maybe Aoyagi and Teshima will take the final win and trophy for the final day??? Maybe??? Please???

· Then Aoyagi gets hurt so… Highly doubt that

· (I am still praying by some miracle Teshima wins overall because HE DESERVES IT but I am not holding my breath… Any manga readers do not spoil but please pray for me lul)

· So I just watched all this, and was like wait… The season is almost over??? The race isn’t finished and Sohoku hasn’t won anything! When does the next season come out???

· Not until Oct 2022. Which is already MONTHS away, but MAJOR condolences for my squad that watched this when it aired in 2018 and just had to wait for YEARS with this burden of loss on them, I am so sorry. :((((

· And my final major complaint is Kishigami. He makes me uncomfortable and honestly someone should have reported him for sexual assault and groping. Look, you can touch whoever’s muscle’s you want but why do you have to be so weird about it??? And please, just get consent first damn.

· (He should have copped a feel on Andy and Frank tho come on bro he was letting you and they are celebrities at this point)

This is nitpicky I know but I just wanted to vent because again… I love Yowapeda and I am only upset in the first place because my heart hurts. :,)

Let’s end on a happy note tho! Things I loved about this season:

· Any time I saw Naruko. Love him.

· Any time I saw Teshima (even when it hurts). Love him. So proud of our captain!

· Anytime I saw Makishima. Truly the best boy.

· Koga!!! I wish he could be more prominent and I wish he got to race, but I love him!

· Tsugimoto, who I used to not like at all, has become very charming. He and his brother are very cute together.

· Mrs. Sakamichi coming thru with the BEST BOY hats and giving one to Manami, which he wears and loves. Adorable.

· Ashikiba as a whole. I love everything about him. His attitude, his looks, his pink bike, how he’s ditzy, his love of Mother Nature. Just an all-around great boy. And I loved the scene with him and Yuto with Yuto coming into his own, it was very nice.

· But the BEST moment was my boy Aoyagi bringing back Kaburagi with the power of Love Hime’s first OP. Singing his lil soul out, not giving two fucks that everyone was laughing, dead serious the whole time. What a fucking champ.

Anyway forgive this conniption fit I just have a lot of feelings and want the next season to come out. TAT

(Also, as always, all the openings and endings both songs and animation SLAPPED heavily.)

[harringrovetrashrat]

 “I’m telling you, Maxine, this guy is a total bitch! His hair smelled all flowery and he was in the dumbest windbreaker all day—“

“Who?”

“Keep up, Maxine,” Billy sneered. “Harrington! Steve Harrington!” He smacked the wheel, rings clinking as he did. “Former King of Hawkins High. He definitely carries himself like he thinks he shits gold,” Billy mumbled. Max stared at him, eyes half lidded and unimpressed.

“So? Like you ever let that kind of thing stop you before.” Billy smirked, tongue poking out between his teeth. His smirk faded, switching to another scowl as they turned onto Cherry Lane.

“I’m definitely gonna be King,” Billy said. “But I’m sure as hell gonna make him notice.” Max raised a brow, but Billy didn’t even look at her, staring out the windshield, one hand pressed to his lips in thought.

Looking back, that was the beginning of it. Max really should have seen it coming.

—

“—and then I knocked him down, ‘cause he has no idea how to plant himself,” Billy rambled. Max was glaring at her fists, tired of the Party and their stupid rules. Billy’s rambling about Steve Harrington was a welcome distraction. “God,” Billy smacked the wheel. “I fucking hate that guy! I swear, he just bats his lashes and gets what he wants!”

“I doubt that,” Max said, just to be contrary. Billy scoffed.

“You got no idea, shrimp,” he said. “Boy could get outta burpees with a well placed blink.” Max looked at Billy from the corner of her eye.

She wondered if he even noticed.

—

Max eyed Billy, quiet in the driver’s seat. He stared out the windshield, face carefully blank, not bothering her. His music played, loud, and Max stared at the volume knob. Sure, he was an asshole, had deserved the wake up call, but Max missed his bitching. Missed him complaining about dumb shit.

She just kinda missed Billy.

Max reached out and turned down the music. Billy glared at her, furrowing his brow.

“Uh, you know the rules, Maxine.” She just rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to ask you something.” Billy rolled his eyes, but didn’t say no. “So like, now that I know Steve, I totally get that whole yuppie prep thing you mentioned. Did you know he has all of Madonna’s tapes?” Billy’s face morphed in pain and he let out a groan.

“Seriously? Harrington’s more of a girl than you!” Max glared, slapping at his bicep. Billy just snickered, eyes narrowing slightly in worry and distrust. But he let it slide, so Max took what she could get. “And he listens of his own free will? Not to impress the princess?”

“Nancy doesn’t really care about Madonna. Doesn’t dislike her, but doesn’t love her the way Steve does,” she said. Billy let out an annoyed squawk, finally breaking the silence and going on a tirade about why Harrington sucked because of his taste in music.

Max smiled to herself.

--

“So,” Max said, wiggling her eyebrows at Billy, who just shoved at her shoulder lightly, frowning. “Saw you and Steve chatting before we came out.” She didn’t miss the light flush in Billy’s cheeks.

“No one else even remotely cool to talk to. I had to make do,” he replied, not convincing her one bit.

“Oh yeah, sure,” she agreed, over the top. Billy just scowled at her. “It’s just, you know, you always say you hate his guts.” Billy gave a one shoulder shrug.

“Maybe I spoke to soon. He’s still the worst, still a prep with horrible taste in music, but yanno. He at least doesn’t needle me with annoying questions.” Max scoffed at his tone.

“Whatever.” Billy gave her the side eye, lips pursing.

“Why?” He asked, tone lightly accusing. “What’re you getting at?”

“Just wondering when I can expect you to start playing Wham.” Billy made a retching noise.

“Don’t speak that name in my car! Not my sanctuary!” Max cackled, tossing her head back. It came deep from her gut, deep down, and she couldn’t remember the last time she laughed this hard with Billy. Judging by the small smile on his face, and the light in his eyes, he was thinking the same thing.

--

It was quiet in the car, tension oozing off of Billy as he drove, cutting corners too close and too fast. Max gripped the seat, eyes darting over to Billy occasionally. He was staring out the windshield, jaw clenched so tightly a nerve was jumping clearly against his skin. Max bit her lip.

“How was I supposed--”

“I’m not mad at you, Max,” Billy grit out. Which was a lie, but Max understood what he meant. He was mad at both of them. The car was quiet again and Max had never, in her life, wanted to hear Billy yelling. Wanted to feel the brunt of his anger instead of the building, seething energy that was radiating off of him.

“They all had to sign something,” Max said, keeping her voice as even as she could. Billy didn’t reply, just took a sharp turn and exhaled sharply through his nose. “The government made them, Billy. He wanted to tell you.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t,” Billy replied. And, oh, that wasn’t just anger. It was barely anger. Max looked at him again, mind racing as Billy’s nostrils flared again. His posture was all anger, all rage, but his voice was pure betrayal. Pure sadness.

Max had no idea what to say. She picked at a loose thread on the ripped knee of her jeans.

“They thought it was done,” she tried. “That night--”

“Max,” Billy rasped, cutting her off. “Just. Shut up.”

“But--”

“I trusted him, okay?” Billy finally snapped. Max leaned back, well and truly shocked. “I trusted him, and I really thought--” Billy cut himself off, giving Max a fearful glance. She tried to convey everything she was feeling into one look. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Billy sniffed, feigning nonchalance, but Max could see his eyes watering. “Whatever. It doesn’t fucking matter, ‘cause obviously he doesn’t trust me.”

Max had no idea how she could convince Billy he was wrong.

--

“Are you ever gonna talk to Steve again?” Max stirred her sundae, mixing the remaining hot fudge in with the vanilla ice cream. Billy shrugged, biting into his Dilly Bar with more aggression than was strictly necessary.

“Dunno,” he replied curtly.

“Are you ever gonna stop being mad at him?” She stirred more, swallowing thickly. Billy just shrugged again.

“Dunno.” Max felt her heart beat a little faster, felt her eyes and cheeks get hot in the way she hated because she hated crying.

“Are you ever gonna stop being mad at me?” She wanted it to come out stronger, but her voice could barely manage a whisper without cracking. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Billy pause. Heard him shuffle a little.

“Listen, Max,” he said, voice low and serious. “I don’t like being lied to. You know that. I get why you did it. I do. I don’t like it, but I get it.” He was quiet a moment, cracking off some of the cherry shell to eat. “It’s different with Steve.” Max sniffed, rubbing harshly at her eyes. Billy sighed, leaning across the console to pull her into his side. She leaned, tucking her head into his armpit, leather jacket warm and comforting.

“So you don’t hate me?” She asked weakly.

“Could never hate you, shitbird.” Max snorted. “Get annoyed by? Oh, for sure.” He laughed as Max shoved at him, scowling, but she wasn’t crying anymore. “But hate you? Nah, you’re too cool for that.” Billy shot her narrowed eyes and pointed at her, taking another bite of Dilly Bar. “Tell anyone that and your ass is grass. I got a reputation to keep.” He spoke with his mouth full and it was disgusting, but still, Max smiled.

“You’re so gross, I don’t know why Steve even misses you.” She meant to be teasing, but Billy shut down, face closing off. She looked away, chewing the inside of her cheek. “Sorry.”

“He misses me?” His voice was carefully blank, everything about him screaming indifference, so Max knew he cared a lot about her answer.

“Keeps asking me to tell you he’s sorry and wants to talk since you keep avoiding him,” she replied, voice just as carefully neutral. Billy was a fight risk, a flight one too, and she wasn’t going to fuck things up for him. Not after California. Not after they had to move. Billy didn’t say anything, just shoved the remainder of his ice cream in his mouth and tossed the stick out the window. “That’s littering,” Max said, on reflex. Billy rolled his eyes, but opened the car door and picked up the stick. He turned around, glancing from her unfinished sundae and back to her. She held it out and he took it, tossing both items in the trashcan outside the Dairy Queen. He got back in and closed the door, but didn’t start the car up.

“You know if he’s gonna be home tonight, or has the geek squad taken up all his time now that he’s got no one cool to hang with?” He was playing for normal, but Max knew he needed to talk to Steve now, or it wouldn’t happen. She’d have to walkie Dustin and get him to drop his Star Wars Marathon, which would be a fucking nightmare, but it was worth it for the way Billy relaxed when she answered,

“He’ll be home. We’re all busy anyway.”

--

“You can’t say anything.” Billy’s voice was shaky, breath short and shallow. “You can’t.”

“I won’t, Billy, I swear,” Max promised. He was staring out the windshield, hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. His nostrils flared and he bit his lip.

“Max--”

“I fucked up last time,” Max said. Billy’s breath was sharp and he pressed his palm to his eye quickly, gritting his teeth. “I didn’t-- I didn’t get it,” she said, voice getting quieter. She looked at Billy, who was still staring out the window. He was trying so hard, but she could see his chin wobble and the tension around his eyes.

It made her breath hitch.

“And now?” Billy asked, voice barely above a harsh whisper. Max wasn’t sure what to say.

“He doesn’t need to know anything about either of our lives that doesn’t comply with his ideals.” Billy licked his lips slowly mouth a tight line. He gave a sharp jerky nod and let out a laugh that seemed more like releasing a noise so he didn’t scream.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah.” Things were quiet again. Billy seemed to be calming down, but Max needed to say it. It was the time.

“I’m sorry, Billy, for that. I really am.” The car jerked to a stop as Billy pulled to the side of the road. Someone behind him honked and he gave them the finger. Things were quiet in the car, so Max pressed on, nervous in the silence. “You’re an asshole like, all the time, but you--” She let out a shaky breath. “You never deserved that. You don’t deserve what Neil--”

“Max.” Billy’s voice broke and Max snapped her head up, shocked when she saw he was crying. He had an arm pressed to his eyes as he took a gasping breath, trying to calm himself down. Max swallowed with difficulty, taking a deep breath. Finally, Billy’s breath slowly evened out, though it went through him in deep shudders, controlled and cautious.

“Just. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do it on purpose. It’s-- It’s not your fault.” Max felt tears welling up in her eyes and she hated it. It was ridiculous. Both of them, in the car, trying to not cry while talking about their feelings.

She couldn’t say that even a month ago she could have imagined this happening. Maybe in California, someday, if things hadn’t happened the way they did, but after the move? She didn’t think she’d ever be close to Billy again.

“But--”

“I put a lot of my shit on you, Max,” Billy said. “I put almost all of my shit on you, and you didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve what I did. Neither did Steve, or Lucas.” Max stared at him, hot tears falling down her cheeks because she just couldn’t stop them. Her emotions were swirling around inside her, and she could feel them trying to bubble out in any possible way.

“Thank you,” she mumbled after a moment, sniffling. Billy shrugged, wiping aggressively at his eyes.

“What’s up with you and him anyway?” Billy asked, changing the subject. It was an olive branch, telling her he couldn’t talk feelings anymore, but that they were okay.

“He’s being a total dorkus maximus again, so I had to break up with him.”

“Yeah, right, of course.”

“Shut up!”

--

Max had her feet up on the seat as she sat across the backseat. Her seat belt cut into her weird, but it felt good having her back pressed against the side as the wind ruffled her hair. It came in through Billy’s open window, cool in the summer morning breeze. Billy had picked her up, promising to take her to the mall today, and when he had arrived, Steve was in the passenger’s seat.

“My car won’t start, so Billy’s giving me a ride since you guys are going this way anyway!” Max had chatted with him a bit, but it had quickly died down. She knocked her knees together anytime there was a significant bump in the road, occasionally looking up and out at the boring cornfields, that weren’t too boring, maybe, when they were all green like this.

Movement drew her eyes forward, and she watched as Steve slowly reached out, resting his hand on top of Billy’s on the gear shift. He pulled Billy’s hand away, turning it over to thread their fingers together and rest them on his thigh. When Max looked up, she saw a glimpse of the smile on his face as he turned to look out the window. Max’s eyes darted over and caught Billy’s in the rear view mirror. He looked scared, nervous, but also so happy and carefree. She hadn’t seen him this happy in such a long time.

Max smirked, making mocking kissy faces at him. Billy’s eyes widened before they rolled. He stuck his tongue out at her before looking back at the road.

[silverducks]

Game of Thrones - Jaime Lannister

A rambling character study of Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones.

Part 1a – Jaime’s Character Arc

This post is going to look at my thoughts on exactly how I see Jaime’s character arc in Game of Thrones, based on just the show. But it’s also to set up my future posts where I explain why I find it so darn hard to understand why he had the ending they gave him. At least beside the obvious - because the writers wanted to.

Yeah I know; I’m late to the GoT train wreck of a final series. But I have a lot of thoughts and hence why I’m here typing away.

(And this is where I start to really go all English Lit exam analysis on you, so a warning for anyone who actually might be reading this post, LOL!)

My Intro to this series of posts btw, is here.

So, spoilers be below.

Ok, so to help explain why Jaime’s ending makes no sense, I firstly need to explain what exactly his character arc is in the show, or at least how I perceive it. As mentioned in a previous post on honour vs loyalty, for Jaime I see his character arc being about two, interconnected things – redemption and identity.

In series 1 and 2, he’s not a nice character – he’s a self-righteous, proud, full of himself, snob. He’s arrogant and cocky and says pretty cruel, snide things to characters we do like. And as we see him through the PoV of characters like *Mr Honourable Eddard Stark, Jaime is pretty despicable to say the least. And that is before we even get started on the whole pushing a boy out of a window because he caught Jaime having sex with his own twin sister. Oh and just as an FYI, Jaime is also called the Kingslayer because he killed the King he was sworn to protect. So yeah, most people watching the show don’t like him at the start, and neither do most of the other show characters we do like.

And from a story telling perspective, Jaime’s character can either get worse, better or stay the same as the show goes on. And in this story, he gets better, with a few slip ups along the way, and it’s fascinating and glorious!!

Like, I can think of nothing that even comes close to the amazing way Jaime Lannister’s character develops in Game of Thrones and how we as a viewer change in our perception of him.

But that only makes his ending so much more frustrating and disappointing…

Before I start rambling away though, just as a point to note; I’m using terms like good and better person and right and wrong quite loosely here. Obviously the world, even in a fictional world, isn’t all that simple. As that would be a whole other massive thematic and philosophical thesis, and it’s not really that relevant, just take the “general” meaning of the ideas, but with the understanding I know it’s a bit more complicated. Where I think it does become more relevant, I’ll expand on the ideas in that particular context. If I sound a bit flippant at times, it’s because of the whole black vs white vs grey, and how there are “rules” in storytelling that wouldn’t necessary apply to our own, real life reality. There are things that we need to take into account when we analyse characters in stories vs actual, real people. And on a side note, this is one of my favourite things about Game of Thrones, the complexity and moral ambiguity of both its characters and its story themes. But yeah, that’s a whole thesis in its own right.)

Redemption Arc

So, redemption. In order for us to start to like this character, and see him as a good guy, he has to go through a redemption arc. Like pretty much rule number 1 of storytelling. That means we have to watch him and believe in him becoming a better person. Conversations like the whole oath vs oath issue, or his chat with his father about his nicknames in series 1 makes us take notice of a character, maybe even be more invested in a character and their shades of grey, but it’s not really redemption. And considering how far in debt he is in the good vs bad guy department, he has a lot of work to do.

And my goodness, he does it. Like, I mean, this guys’ redemption arc is astonishing! He goes through so much, rethinks and challenges everything he once thought/knew about himself and his world, faces all his past wrongs and bad character traits and becomes not even a better person, but a hero! He goes from a bad villain who kills kings and pushes kids from windows, to becoming one of the main heroes we’re rooting for by the end of the story.

(A quick disclaimer here, like I’m not saying Jaime is ever, or ever will be perfect, heck, he’s human and this is Game of Thrones and Jaime’s more messed up than most. But when you think back from where he started and where he’s been, it sure is impressive – if we ignore his actual ending that is, LOL!)

And his glorious redemption arc all pretty much starts around the time he starts his fun road trip with Brienne in series 3.

So, just to give a few of his finer redemption points (and just remember his series 1 and 2 actions and our opinion of him in contrast):

He stops Brienne from being raped and gets his hand cut off for the trouble (Ouch! But suffering, especially from doing something good, gives lots of redemption points.)

He risks his life to save Brienne from being mauled to death by a bear. Like, he’s recently lost his sword fighting hand and has no weapon, but he jumps in the bear pit anyway and puts himself between the bear and Brienne. He then helps Brienne out of the bear pit first and then only just makes it out alive himself. Oh and if that wasn’t enough, he basically tells the bad guys that he’s leaving with Brienne, or they will have to kill him. Like he says this to the guy who not so long ago chopped his hand off. (Just think on that one a minute ok.)

He keeps to his promise/oath to Catelyn Stark and continues to help her daughters by giving Brienne a priceless sword and some stunning armour so she can find and help them. (This also helps Brienne, because he knows she’s not safe in Kings Landing, and gives her a purpose, because he knows that’s what she needs.)

Firstly offers to sacrifice his own life needs and goals and those vows he’s now starting to hold more dear to save his brother. When said brother then screws up that opportunity, Jaime then also helps said brother escape from being killed, going against his sister and father, who want his brother dead. (Yeah, the Lannisters are an interesting family… And you wonder why Jaime is a little messed up?)

Takes RiverRun without any bloodshed. (Like pulls off the perfect bluff in GoT siege history so that he can make sure his army succeeds, but no one is killed. (I don’t count the Blackfish, who chose to fight to the death rather than escape/get taken prisoner.)

Joins the fight for the battle against the dead, even if it also means renouncing his entire house and lineage and putting himself at the mercy and judgement of pretty much all his enemies and all he has wronged. (One of which has a habit of roasting her enemies alive with Dragon fire)

Oh and also risks his life in above mentioned battle against the dead.

A pretty impressive list imho, lots of redemption points there and that’s not even including everything else he does. Following the general storytelling themes of forgiveness and redemption, Jaime basically ticks all the boxes by all the good deeds he’s now done. And that’s one of the major reasons why we as viewers now love him so much as a character.

But that’s not all, of course. As we discover also in series 3 (a pretty important series for our Jaime), it’s not even just about him doing good things, but we realise as an audience we’ve (intentionally by the show) completely misunderstood him! Yes, he did kill the King he was sworn to protect, but only because said King was mad and was about to blow up the entire capital city where hundreds of thousands of innocent people live. And not only did he do this incredible honourable thing, but because it did go against his vow as a Kings Guard, he’s ever since been derided as the Kingslayer, Oathbreaker, Man without honour. A horrible set of nicknames that he’s borne, because he doesn’t think people would care or understand anyway. (Of course, I want to add in here that it’s partly the negative trait of pride too, thinking himself as the Lannister Lion, above having to explain himself to the sheep.)

Anyway, all this has worn him down a lot over the years and it’s messed him up good and proper. It kinda makes your own initial dislike of Jaime through *Mr Honourable Eddard Stark’s eyes seem a little unfair. Especially when the guy was barely more than a kid at the time (16 or 17 I think). And his defence mechanism to deal with this is one of the reason’s he is so cocky and arrogant – he uses his dry, often cruel humour, to mask that he does actually still care. In fact, it’s worked so well, I think at the start of the show, Jaime believes it himself; that he is a horrible, hateful person. But he did have that honour inside of him once; he did care and try to do what was right. And when you think back to his scenes in series 1 and 2, they take on new meaning now. He’s no longer such an evil arrogant, cocky knight we all pretty much immediately hated.

And as this revelation happens around the same time as he starts doing all those good deeds, it all helps work together to make us re-evaluate Jaime and grow to love him and become invested in his redemption arc even more.

(*I feel the need to add a disclaimer here, I do like Ned Stark a lot as a character. But it is interesting that as the show goes on, he almost does the opposite to Jaime – we see he actually isn’t always as good as we thought, that perhaps honour tripped into bitterness and prejudice a few times. That perhaps Ned, as much as we like him, is less full white and more speckled in shades of grey after all...(which makes him a more interesting and nuanced character imho, so rather than undermine him, it makes him more human.))

And when I rethink Jaime’s scene with Robb Stark when he’s captured, where he gives Robb the choice of ending the war if Robb can beat him in single combat, well, it adds even more depth to his character. Of course, Jaime knew he would likely win, as did Robb, so Robb refused. And as a viewer who was all Stark=Good, Lannister=Evil (except Tyrion) at the time, I was glad Robb wasn’t stupid or arrogant enough, like the Kingslayer Mr Jaime Lannister, to fall for that.

But then I remember the parallel in series 6, when Jon Snow (Stark=Good) gives exactly the same choice to Ramsay Bolton (Bolton=Spawn of Satan). Ramsay can either fight Jon in single combat, or they can all send their troops to die in their war. And as a viewer now, NOW! I think Ramsay is weak and awful for not agreeing (because he knows he can’t win too) and so sending all these soldiers to an early grave. Which is like 100% opposite for pretty much the same scenario of its series 2 counterpart. Of course, we HATE Ramsay and he has no, I mean literary NO! redeeming qualities, unlike Jaime, who we never, ever hated in the same way. But it does make you think about the whole idea of perception as well as actual deeds here. And that actually Jaime, you could argue, was doing the honourable thing by asking Robb for single combat, to spare the lives of both of their armies… I mean, obviously he wants to win the war, but maybe, he also wanted to spare as many lives as he could, too – like Jon in the series 6 equivalent. Maybe not so arrogant a request from our Jaime after all…

And another point to add in here, which further adds up to Jaime’s redemption arc, is Lady Brienne of Tarth. Yes, I’ve saved her to last for a reason, as she is, imho, THE catalyst for this amazing change we see in Jaime. If you’ll notice, a lot of Jaime’s good deeds involve Brienne and start happening around the time the two characters meet. And that very fact further proves that Jaime was and can be a better person.

He does not like her at first and she’s not quite your typical maiden. Not only is she a “beast” (to quote Jaime), but she’s a fighter, full of honour, self-sacrifice and steadfast in her purpose, and more than a match for him. Oh and she’s also his captor, dragging him to Kings Landing with a rope around his hands so they can trade him for the Stark girls.

So yeah, not the most cordial of first meetings. He pokes fun at her, trying to get her to snap, to prove she’s not as good as she seems. But she doesn’t, because she is that person, she is true to herself and not pretending. Unlike so many people Jaime knows, she is genuine.  

And he’s impressed by her skill and courage as a fighter as well. She is able to best him in the sword fight (granted when his hands are tied and he’s been sat in a cage for over a year, but he is like renowned for being one of the best sword fighters in the entire realm). Also when she fought the men who had murdered the women they found hung along the road – both as justice and to give the murdered woman a proper burial. She isn’t all talk, she can, and does fight. I bet Jaime wasn’t expecting that! And as sword fights are his thing, what he pretty much defines himself by and is most proud of, that’s a pretty big for tick from Jaime for Brienne right there.

Basically, she is a) an honourable person b) sticks to her oaths c) also able to fight (and therefore protect people) and d) refuses to let him get the better of her. The perfect, chivalrous embodiment of a brave, honourable Knight. A true Knight in all but name, whilst Jaime is now a Knight in nothing but name.

Now, I’ll discuss this more in the identity arc bit, but basically all this challenges Jaime, makes him rethink his own bitter images of himself and his world. She reminds him of his younger self, when he wanted to be that honourable Knight. And seeing this reflection of his younger, naïve and less world weary version of himself in Brienne, it helps to trigger this change in Jaime. It makes him remember who he once was, what he once stood for and believed in; that ideal that Jaime once believed is actually possible - of the brave, worthy Knight people sing songs about. And it started to make him want to be that person again. And this in turn, makes him want to start to do the right thing, to start to put honour first, which paves the way for his redemption arc very nicely.

I won’t talk too much more about Brienne here, because I think her relationship with and influence on Jaime deserves its own post. But I do think it is the specific personality of Brienne, together with the very fact that she is an ugly, “beast” of a woman, that triggers Jaime’s arc in just the right way and enables it to be so profound.

One last note on his redemption – I’ve said before it was partly his Lannister Lion pride that caused some of his suffering in relation to his nicknames. And indeed part of his arrogance is because he does think he’s better than everyone else (although not to the extent we first thought). He is the Lannister’s golden son after all and the Lannisters are basically the most powerful and wealthiest House in Westeros. It is a bad trait, yeah. But even this, even this! gets sorted out in series 8. From my list of redemption points, see the second to last point above – he faces judgement. Like a guy who had too much pride to admit he actually killed a King to help save hundreds of thousands of lives, actually, of his own volition, faces his enemies to be judged and to atone for what he has done wrong. Yeah, he also offers excuses at said trail, but if I’m honest, they do sound quite genuine to me. Is it any worse than what your typical soldier would do in a time of war? Fight in a battle and kill people? Try to capture the person (Ned) who’s wife captured your brother to avert a war? And we already know now he was justified in his killing of the mad King.

So, all in all, with this new insight into Jaime’s character, especially also seeing him through the increasingly positive eyes of Brienne (more on that later), who we know really is good and honourable, we have both a better understanding of his past actions, see his ongoing internal struggles and conflicts as he strives to do what is right and along with all his good deeds as the show goes on, we see him slowly (with lots of unfortunate set backs as well) become a better person. So come series 8, his redemption arc up to THAT scene, is glorious and basically complete.

And then there’s his identity arc. The other side of his character development, which is just as important for me and very much interconnected with his redemption.

(Like, seriously, there’s so much going on with this character that I could write essays, no a whole thesis I bet! I seriously can’t wait until I get to read him and Brienne’s chapters in the books and discover even more sides and shades to this character.)

But I’ve rambled on for far longer than I intended on his redemption arc, so I’ll save his identity arc for another day. (And hopefully it won’t be as long). Then we can get into the fun stuff like that hand he lost, that famous bath scene and his, how to put this, interesting relationship with his sister…

#If you were brave enough to get this far #Thanks for reading #And hope this made sense #Just my rambling thoughts #Yeah, I have a lot

[pocket-void]

Some Stuff About Marcus Pt.1

Alright, I’m finally gonna talk about Marcus in more depth for a lil bit because honestly the more I think about him the more I want to talk about him. So I’m gonna do just that! Both for fun and to get some stuff out of my creative system. ^///^

So let’s start with the man himself, shall we?

Marcus

Marcus is my personal version of the mysterious Orange side, and he’s more of an OC than a theory and I just really enjoy talking about him sometimes. So I do! I talk more about what he represents in this post (there’s also other miscellaneous scraps of info about him in the orange side tag), this one is gonna focus more on his exact relationship with each of the other sides (I always welcome more specific asks if you ever wanna know anything else! Since I’m very rambly and believe me when I say that I have answers to basically everything >///<). These are longer than I thought so I’m splitting it up...but if you’re still here, then strap in folks! u///u

Roman

Marcus doesn’t dislike Roman, but he’s not a big fan of him either. Theoretically they could have a better relationship but it’s hindered by a perception of Marcus that someone else had set a long time ago. (We’ll get to that)

One of the bigger reasons why Marcus and Roman don’t quite get along is simply due to their completely opposite levels of self respect. Roman is insecure and often unsure about his accomplishments and how others feel about him, while Marcus is too sure about his skills and how others perceive him. There are clear flaws to both.

In Marcus’ case, it’s made him incredibly stubborn and bitter as a result of being seen as a problem and not being able to do anything. It’s very difficult to convince him he’s wrong, and while he’s not dumb enough to think he’s right about everything, he gets more aggressive than necessary in the face of opposition at times. But more than anything Marcus is honest. He’s blunt and isn’t afraid of just stating how he feels to people, and Roman’s reluctance to do so really bugs him at times. In fact, he’s sometimes angry for him.

The fact that simple phrases can shatter Roman’s entire ego drives Marcus up walls, because if he were in his position he’d probably deck someone in the face right then and there. Being insulted? Getting what he fears most spat at him like venom? Marcus would never stand for that. Beyond that he’s also mad for the people who care about Roman. Why can’t he believe them? Can’t he see how much he’s cared about? How worried people are? Does he really? Marcus thinks that distrust and insecurity feels like an insult to them.

The thing about Marcus is that he’s been through being branded bad and evil. He’s still the bad guy in a couple of ways. He’ll play the bad guy if he has to. He’s over it, though not quite over it as he’d like to be... In a way, he’s also envious of Roman. Roman is important. The others do actually love him. And deep down, Marcus also respects the things he does and doesn’t want him to be crippled by his self doubt because what the two have in common is passion. A drive and determination to do the things they want, and to achieve the goals they aim for. It’s just a shame that their relationship is soured by their general perceptions of each other.

Marcus also just isn’t big on theatrics, but that’s because he uh, can’t see. He likes to make fun of Roman just like anybody else in casual conversation and only ever refers to him as “Red”, “Princey”, or on occasion “Ruby”. He jokingly takes Roman’s threats seriously when they quip, and while they never actually get into fights, Roman is aware that Marcus will actually throw down.

At the end of the day, Marcus wants Roman to consider himself his own hero. He doesn’t understand Roman’s need to keep up an image because he’s never had an image to live up to, let alone anyone who'd look to him for inspiration. Whether Roman likes him or not doesn’t really matter to him, he doesn’t care about people who’ve made up their minds about him and are too set in certain ways of thinking.

Which is hypocrisy at its finest, but we’re not there yet.

Janus

Right off the bat, they do not get along. Which you might find kind of odd, considering they’re both under the umbrella of “dark side”. The truth is, they’re tentative colleagues at best. Hilariously Logan probably gets along with Janus better than Marcus does, and there are a couple very fair reasons behind this.

On the one hand, they both agree on doing things for the “self” (Which in their case is c!Thomas). They both agree that the self should be the most important person in one’s life, and will do whatever it takes to protect it. However, the biggest difference between them is the methods they go about doing so. And it’s here that Marcus’ righteous anger often clashes harshly with Janus’ need for self preservation. Marcus doesn’t lie, he doesn’t see the need to. If he wants something, he’ll do it. If he believes something, he’ll say it. He does it because he knows he’s right, and that’s what matters. Obviously this would cause a lot of problems in real life if you actually are that blunt 24/7, and in those cases Janus has to reign him in quite a bit.

Marcus is fundamentally reckless, brash, and prone to getting carried away if not kept in check, which makes him kind of a danger to Thomas’ wellbeing at times. The thing is, both of them are aware of this. Which is actually why Marcus isn’t as spiteful about stepping down as he could be. He knows that he can do more harm than good if he ever steps out of bounds. This won’t stop him from feeling like his input would infinitely accelerate certain debates, and on a personal level he does still feel like he has the right to fight for that recognition, but he doesn’t because he’s not dumb enough to actively cause harm to others for the sake of himself. It’s not what he wants. What he will and often does do however, is do things that end with him getting hurt in the end. Maybe the reason he disagrees with Janus so much is because his own sense of self preservation is surprisingly poor.

A mildly exaggerated analogy I like to think about is that: If under any circumstance the two of them would have to plot revenge, Janus would focus more on personal safety and Marcus would focus more on personal vindication. Marcus has zero qualms about actually throwing hands, no matter the resulting physical consequence (If his scars were any indication) which Janus would 100% be against. Imagine the consequences of a physical confrontation! Absolutely not. Snake man would prefer more subtle and manipulative tactics, and would probably prefer to frame someone without being implicated himself if possible. They usually compromise, but always butt heads one way or another.

In casual conversation, Marcus is more snarky to Janus than anything. They trade sarcastic remarks often and tend to be a lil snippy, but they often agree on similar points? But also insist that they don’t get along, which is pretty funny. Marcus calls Janus “Yellow” or “Snake”, and sometimes a few yellow flower names like “Tansy” or “Marigold”.

Remus

Would it come as a surprise if I said these two actually get along ok? Think about it: They’re both blunt, forthcoming with their ideas (As wild as Remus’ are), and are at times prone to violence. They’re both seen as “bad” and both have experienced being forcefully repressed one way or another. They kind of just vibe on a similar plane of existence if I’m honest with you. More than that however, both are relatively accepting of themselves, Remus more so than Marcus actually. There are some things Orange unfortunately still has to come to terms with.

On a casual level, they probably can do some pretty reckless and dumb things together. Marcus respects anybody with self confidence really, and the way Remus just owns being the garbage man he is definitely gets a pass in his book. It doesn’t mean they never disagree though. In a lot of ways, Marcus is still tied to logic, and Remus’ chaotic nature isn’t always suited to how he works. They conflict the most when it’s time to put the chips down and actually get things done. Remus totally does his best to bug the hell out of him too, much to his chagrin. He makes it pretty clear how he feels about it, but the duke isn’t fazed. Tackle the blind man, he dares you.

Marcus isn’t exactly good with creative input, it’s not his function. In fact, he himself is actually locked in a very specific type of world view from his experiences over the years. It’s not intentional, he just tends to grow irrational when he gets too heated. Sometimes he forgets to take his hand out of the fires that burn him, and it inevitably comes at a detriment to himself. Remus has the capacity to make him incredibly furious under bad circumstances, and if they aren’t careful he might actually act upon dangerous suggestions that Remus just casually suggests. If Remus is the voice behind intrusive thoughts, Marcus is the impulse that actually acts upon them. He won’t, obviously, but spite and anger can push people to do rash things. They both know better than that of course, but it’s a possibility that will never go away.

Marcus calls Remus “Green”, though he also refers to him by odd green things sometimes like “moss” or “seaweed”. I like to imagine the two of them going off and smashing up random things to blow off steam/just for fun. But that’s just me. u///u

---

If you’re still reading then thank you??? This is honestly more self indulgent than anything, but I just have way too much stuff I could talk about and it needs to go somewhere akjbefkaefk.

I shall talk about the rest in Part 2 perhaps. o///o

[zevzevarainai]

Hey! You ever end up doing essay on the kazumaji gifs? (I'm highly interested because it's always majima o' clock where I live)

it’s always majima o’clock here too; maybe we live in the same area... but lmao i didnt write the essay on my kazumaji gifs because i didnt think anyone would want to hear it so i meant it more as a per request kind of deal. and you’re requesting. I want you to know you did this to yourself, my friend

below the read more for everyone’s well being. welcome to my first official majima analysis essay

ok so in those tags i said something like majima is softest with kiryu because it is absolutely the truth (unless you count makoto, which i love them too, but majima has moved on or at least is making an effort to. and that was pre-tacky snake skin jacket and pre-mad dog persona.) 

the prompt for the gifset was “maybe something about majima being stupid and unhinged but like, in a sweet way” and the whole point of this rambling is that kiryu is really the only one we see who causes the mad-dog persona to slip. kiryu says he can never get a read on majima but just because he is unpredictable doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand that he isn’t just batshit crazy. he trusts majima, and finds comfort in his lack of predictability, keeping kiryu’s life exciting and providing distraction from the insane amount of tragic shit that happens to kiryu. and majima has a similar experience of idolizing the yakuza lifestyle as teens/young adults only to have the yakuza drag them through hell. But this is supposed to be about Majima.

ANYWAY what GETS ME is again that mad-dog vibe slipping around kiryu. the only time we really only see it again is with Saejima when he comes back from jail. i’m gonna talk about that later too. LET’s GET TO THE GIFS i’m going in chronological order not the order i put them in

1)

Ok so as an audience, we don’t really know what happened between Kiryu and Majima between Yakuza Zero and Yakuza/Yakuza Kiwami. Yes, we get that tiny ending scene of Majima going KIRYU-CHAN for the first time and Kiryu smiling at him. But we are given nothing as to how they met or why Majima started calling him Kiryu-chan. It is left completely to the audience’s interpretation. Because then it goes straight to the first scene with Majima in Yakuza/Yakuza Kiwami after Kiryu gets out of jail. It implies that they already knew each other, and arguably that they were somewhat close -- close enough for Majima to “miss him.” (What was majima doing for those 10 years, i don’t know, but he clearly wasn’t in a great place, missing both kiryu, makoto, and saejima, we ignore y5 lore in this household or make up shit to fill in the giant gaps) You could argue that Majima missing Kiryu is just Majima being “crazy haha woah” but his character is so much deeper than that, and it’s proven in this gif’s scene. Yes he is fighting Kiryu with all his men. But if you are reading this you understand that them fighting physically all the time is a secret love language. They never intend to severely hurt each other. Fighting is how they know that they have an equal, someone else who was modeled into a weapon because of the Tojo Clan.

And yes, “He belongs to me!” is an extremely gay thing to say. He doesn’t even need to say that, though. One of his men didn’t understand that he doesn’t actually want to hurt Kiryu. The guy picked up Majima’s knife and tried to actually hurt Kiryu. Majima willingly gets stabbed so Kiryu doesn’t get hurt. That’s a handful of gay subtext right there. Majima’s first scene in y1 is about how the world is a horrible, shitty place that will chew you up and spit you out if you care. Then he goes and gets stabbed. Self-sacrificially. He cares about Kiryu, even if it hurts. 

2)

This one isn’t as deep. It stems of the same concept of them fighting each other as equals. Majima explicitly says more than once that strength is the most admirable trait, Goromi says that it only matters that a man is strong. Kiryu is the only person who presents a challenge to him. He admires him. 

3)

(As a disclaimer, I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with Goromi. I’ve also seen a lot of non-binary, gender-fluid, etc. people project on Goromi and Majima, and I feel like that can only be a good thing. Obviously they deserve more and more quality representation. I think the people who dislike Goromi are valid as well, but for the sake of this argument we are going to see Goromi as the people who project on her do and I’m going to use she/her pronouns when talking about Goromi.)

Regardless on your stance on this whole little side quest, the player has the choice to go along with Goromi which creates actually a lot of subtle connecting between the two of them. Even in just talking to her, we see the mad-dog mask slip. She talks about how much she cared about the girls at Club Shine and wonders how they’re doing. Literally says “all part of my tragic-ass backstory.” And Kiryu sympathizes with it. Says he sees through the “i hated it” bullshit and sees Majima/Goromi’s true self, which is that the cabaret job was hard for Majima because he cared about the women and didn’t like using them as a source of income and knew it would be his fault if they got hurt. 

Also, Goromi says that "When I’m with a guy, it’s all about if I’m having enough fun. That’s why he’s gotta be strong.” Sound like someone we know? Someone who we are talking about in the last gif with i-just-got-the-shit-beat-out-of-me-and-it-was-awesome bliss on his face?

Anyway, the scene in the gif is near the end of the session. Kiryu is talking about how he’s been in prison for 10 years, and Goromi says that now that he’s out he should try to relax and and a little fun. Arguably, “since you’re so lonely right now, I’m gonna give ya a hand!” is most of Majima’s role in YK1. Kiryu gets out of prison. Majima wants to fight him all the time and says it’s because he’s gone soft and needs to train. Majima Everywhere presents excitement in his life when everything else is hard and shitty and traumatizing. Yes, Majima kidnapped Haruka. But there isn’t a lot of info on that. Majima says he did it so they could fight but it very likely could have been an order from the Tojo Clan or even Nishiki. Until he develops a bond with Haruka, Majima is, in a way, all he has. Nishiki is mean now. Yumi is ???. Kazama is i don’t even remember but he certainly isn’t any emotional support. He’s lonely. Majima is the only person he has from before prison, and quite possibly the only person who understands what he is going through. 

4)

YK2, Kiryu has yeeted out of Majima’s life as Kiryu does, but he’s trying to protect haruka so I’ll let it slide. And what does Majima do now that Kiryu’s not there? Leaves the Tojo Clan. Yes it’s because he doesn’t like the 5th chairman’s style and to make up for Kawamura, but the point is he’s bored. The use of “MY Kiryu-chan” is obviously written there because “haha majima he’s crazyyy” but come on. Majima left the Tojo Clan after Kiryu stepped down as the 4th chairman. Because he was bored. Because he couldn’t trust his own men. The only person he considered an equal just wasn’t there anymore and he found it difficult to adjust. (That’s YEARNING, fellas)

So yes, HIS Kiryu-chan came home, but what is home in this context? It clearly isn’t the tojo clan, so I guess it could be Kamurocho in general. But if the clan doesn’t make it home, what does make it home? Perhaps a certain triangle shaped man??

5)

Oh boy silly Majima wants to fight Kiryu again hahaha weeeeeeeee NO listen, LISTEN, he does want to fight kiryu again, because 1) the man has been bored for a year 2) FIGHTING IS THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE 3) Majima is once again surprising Kiryu in a world where nothing surprises him anymore, where kiryu expects people to be vile and only want him for gain. Every single goddamn game it’s “Kiryu plz save the Tojo Clan plz” and Kiryu NEVER gets anything in return unless you count, i don’t know, Daigo and Haruka’s safety? But Majima doesn’t give a shit about any of that. Majima is one of the only people who consistently does things for Kiryu (even if they’re presented in an abnormal way). Majima is really the only one who makes sacrifices for Kiryu. But this fight, it kicks off YK2 of “hey, i missed you but i won’t admit it because we’re manly yakuza, please let me try to make you smile.”

6)

THE kazumaji scene. Going off of Majima being the only one to make sacrifices for Kiryu, here’s a perfect example. Majima first aids the Tojo Clan which he swore to leave literally only because Kiryu asked him to. Then, here, he get beaten within an inch of his life because he promised Kiryu he would protect Kamurocho from Ryuji. Majima does not give a shit about the Tojo Clan at this point. Yes, Majima LOVEEESSSS beating people up, but he’s fatally wounded. This is not a Majima who would die for the Tojo Clan. This is a Majima willing to die for Kiryu. After warning Kiryu about being to trusting, too.

And of course, we get the Majima collapsing on the pavement and Kiryu rushing in to CRADLE him in his arms like a damn fanfic. You’ve even got the “I did it for you” which everyone knows is basically an “I love you.” Look at Majima’s face in the gif. Bless the Kiwami 2 graphics, first of all. He’s looking at Kiryu like he wants him to be the last thing he sees, like he wants him to know that he’s going out for Kiryu, that despite the fact that he’s about to cough up blood he needs Kiryu to have the information he needs to save the clan and Kamurocho. He’s telling Kiryu all this with labored breath because he promised. Kiryu “One-Expression” Kazuma is viably worried as hell, the little nod in the gif kills me because Kiryu needs him to know he’s touched and he’s so grateful. The only reason Kiryu left him was because there was danger elsewhere and he trusts Kaoru enough to take care of him. (Side note: I love Kaoru Sayama, but I still feel like she’s good enough a character on her own and doesn’t need to be a romantic interest for Kiryu. Like it was like oh... she’s Girl so she needs to fall for the Big Strong Male Protag.... If Majima was a cis girl they would have made out in this game, maybe even y1.) 

7) Speaking of sacrifices, Yakuza 3, the game where Majima literally joined the Tojo Clan again because Kiryu wanted him to protect Daigo. That’s a huge lifestyle change, Majima.

Yes, this scene is funny because Majima is riding in a Barbie-ass truck like a 15 year old driving on a learner’s permit in a downpour (yet proves he can drive stick seconds later) and thinks he hit Kiryu while he purposely hit everyone else. Look, Majima needs this ok y3 he looks like he’s been crying since kiryu left no one No One is going to hurt Kiryu now

That truck is likely stolen, he’s driving erratically as fast as he can because Kiryu is in danger, how did he even know that Kiryu was in danger is it like some kind of 6th sense... If you didn’t already know, I would take a bullet for Majima’s voice actor; his delivery of “Kiryu-chan! Where are you?!” could have just been like haha oops kiryu did i hit you ;3 but instead it’s this raw cry of genuine panic, like did his actions get kiryu hurt, Majima could not live with himself if he was the reason Kiryu got fatally hurt

8) Ok I’ve hinted at the fact that I have beef with the Hot Mess that is yakuza 5, wasn’t huge on Y4 and Y6 was fine but it was heavily based on the events of Y5. In my head I’ve got an entire fix-it fanfic in which Majima yeets out to Okinawa with Kiryu after Y3 I could write that upon request too ANYWAY here’s another sacrificial majima...

Despite not caring for Y5, THIS SCENE is RAW. Maybe he’s not super “unhinged” in this scene but it’s just so much. Majima, who Kiryu brokedown in his taxi bc he thought he got killed (because Kiryu made him stay in the tojo clan haha we’re out here crying), chooses Kiryu over Saejima. Saejima, Majima’s oath brother, Saejima. We love Saejima, Majima loves Saejima, but 25 years is a long ass time. Majima changed. Saejima changed. For awhile he had Makoto, but then Kiryu was all Majima had for a good chunk of Saejima’s time in prison. This is the man Majima got his eye stabbed out for defending. But the BaD GuYs that arent memorable enough for me to even look up the names of are like look, we want to watch the world burn because we are Bad Guys, so either you are going to fight your brother to the death or we are going to snipe Kiryu’s daughter in the fucking head. Obviously he doesn’t know that Baba is going to betray them, so he has to pick between Saejima and Haruka. He chooses to potentially kill Saejima for Kiryu’s happiness. I’m sure if things didn’t change, Majima would have held back and let Saejima kill him. Majima would rather die than see Kiryu in pain. Majima would rather kill Saejima/let Saejima kill him than let Haruka die. If that’s not a giant declaration of unconditional love and devotion, I don’t know what else to tell you.

Anyway, thanks so much for indulging me and listening to my yakuza opinions if you made it this far you the mvp :’’’’)

[shadowhuntertrash]

High Notes

I own nothing

Chapter Six

  The day went by quickly and Thomas didn’t have much time to ponder the almost kiss he had with Alastair or the girl's from the coffee shop’s words until dinner that night. Lucie and Cordelia had gone and had an early dinner with Alastair and the other boys had decided to have a late dinner and go ahead and knock the rest of their rehearsal out. 

   James and Christopher were in a deep discussion about dress rehearsal they had tomorrow and Thomas found himself, once again, under the scrutinizing gaze of Matthew. Thomas moved the fry around on his plate, his hamburger long forgotten. He was too anxious to eat anyway. “Who started it?” Matthew asked in a quiet voice. Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Math I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.” He said innocently shrugging, Matthew just glared.

   “Stop it, we both know you do.” They held eye contact for a minute and Thomas was reminded vaguely of a dominance match between dogs. Thomas gave up with a huff and looked back down at his fries again. “I honestly don’t know. I had a panic attack and then we were just walking and then it just kind of… happened. Lord, that sounds dull.” Matthew smirked at him and Thomas groans, burying his head in his hands. Matthew laughs softly and James looks over at them. “What are we talking about?” James asked, propping his chin on Matthew’s shoulder so he could see Thomas. 

   Thomas had sat in this booth first, Matthew had sat next to Thomas and then James, the social anxiety impersonation he is, sat next to Matthew instead of sitting in the booth with Christopher. Which led to Thomas, Matthew, and James being squished together and Christopher propping his legs up in his practically empty booth.

   They had to sit in the back because most places they go they get noticed by fans and won’t get any peace. It was a habit now (for their band and Alastair and the girls) to ask for a spot in the back or off in a corner somewhere when they went out to eat.

   “We’re talking about Thomas and Alastair almost kissing.” Matthew said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Christopher choked on his drink and James looked at Thomas with wide eyes. “When did that happen!” Christopher said when he had stopped choking. Thomas was sure he resembled a tomato at this point.

   He hit Matthew, who was still laughing hysterically, in the arm and slumped further in his seat, hating his height more than anything at the moment. “When we found them, they were about to kiss and then we stumbled upon them and they didn’t.” Matthew frowned and slumped against James. “What a bunch of cock blocks we are.” Matthew said as if it were him that didn’t get to kiss someone he wanted to. 

   Thomas found himself laughing at Matthew’s forlorn expression and James’s still too wide eyes. “Nothing really happened. We were just walking and talking. We were actually trying to find you guys because I told Matthew twenty minutes and then I realized I was late because I didn’t have my phone on. Sorry about that Math, I know you worry. So I was trying to-”

   Matthew cut him off with a raised hand. “Stop rambling it’s okay. I was just picking and James was just a little shocked.” Matthew finished with a shape jab to James’ ribs which seemed to snap James out of his daze. James nodded enthusiastically before looking at Matthew with a wide smile. “Oh my god otp Matthew OTP!” Matthew and Christopher burst out laughing and Thomas slumped impossibly further in his chair. Why did they always have to pick on him?

   Matthew dropped his hand on Thoams’ shoulder and Thomas looked at him. Matthew was looking at him with a look that was strictly reserved for James, Thomas, and Christopher. A soft look that was often off putting since he was constantly annoyed or making a joke out of everything and anything.

   “You know Tommy we only pick on you because it’s easy with how embarrassed you get. We love you and as much as I dislike Alastair I think you two would be good for each other. Plus,” He added a wink that made Thomas blush before he even heard the next part. “I think you could teach him some well needed manners.” Thomas laughed softly and gave Mattew a pointed look. 

   “You really shouldn’t make fun of my pining, saying as it is not nearly as bad as yours was.” Matthew put his hand to his chest in mock hurt. “You wound me Thomas. Anyhow even if that was accurate,” He turned to James and stuck his tongue out boyishly. “Which it wasn’t,” He turned back to Thomas who was smiling at his friends. “It isn’t my fault you’re too nice and didn’t pick on me when you had the chance.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

   It was common knowledge that Thomas was nice, it was why the fans had dubbed him the ‘Kind One’ or ‘Gentle Giant’ as some others called him. He hated that one thought, gentle giant made him sound dull. They had dubbed Matthew as the ‘Sexy One’, James the ‘Mysterious One’, and Christopher, well Christopher was his own category.

   Thomas pushed Matthew playfully and Matthew fell back dramatically accidentally falling on James, causing him to fall out of the seat. “Jesus Math, be careful.” James said taking Matthew’s outstretched hand and getting back to his feet, Matthew was too busy laughing to listen to him.

   Thomas sat back watching them, his brothers by all means but blood, and smiled. How did he get so lucky?

   When it was time to go back to the hotel rooms, which they were staying in when they weren’t on the road, they all split ways smiling and wishing each other goodnight. Thomas followed Christopher to their room. There were two beds so Thomas knew he could stand staying with Christopher.

   Thomas showered as soon as they got to the hotel. Some people thought it was weird but Thomas showered twice a day and washed his hair at least once a day. Matthew always picked on it but Thomas just shrugged it off he didn’t feel clean if he didn’t wash his hair.

   Thomas took his time feeling the hot water wash off the stress of the day. As soon as he had got to the quiet hotel room the fans from the diner’s words came back to him. He knew he would spend too much time thinking about this.

   He got out of the shower about 40 minutes later and ran his towel through his hair shaking it out. He flopped gracelessly on the bed and groaned. Christopher was fast asleep on the bed next to him, the sound he was making strongly reminded Thomas of a lawnmower.

   Thomas grabbed his phone, turned the brightness down, as he began feeling the beginning of a headache, and read the texts he had received. 

Matthew Unfairchild:

Sleep well dream of your knight in shining armor <3

   Thomas scoffed and replied,

Tommy:

We all know I’m more into Prince Charming. <3

   He opened a text from Lucie and smiled at her picture. It was a picture from the first time they went to Disney World. No one else would go with her, Cordelia didn’t like it because she couldn’t stand the lines and decided it was no more magical than Six Flags. James and Matthew had claimed too manly (however it turned out they went two months before without telling anyone), and Christopher, bless his soul, wouldn’t stop going on and on about the mechanisms in the rides and that just made everyone untrustworthy of the shaky rides.

   So Thomas had gone with her and they had stayed for two days, riding rides and meeting characters. The picture that made her profile was of her in front of Cinderella’s castle with a bunch of fireworks going off in the background. She was mid jump and a look of pure happiness plastered on her face, she had an ice cream cone in her hand however the ice cream was mid fall.

   It was Thomas’ all time favorite picture of her and he was quietly proud of his photography skills. Lucie’s parents, Tessa and Will, had taken one look at the picture and demanded it be framed and hung on the wall of their house. Thomas was proud of that too.

   

Luce <33:

Matthew told me what happened. I'm so mad at myself. You two were finally gonna kiss and I messed it up I’m so sorry Tommy.

   Thomas laughed and shook his head. It seemed everyone was rooting for them and Thomas was quietly pleased. Thomas just hoped he wasn’t going off of false hope.

Tommy:

It’s fine sweetie don’t worry about it. I wasn’t thinking anyway.

   Thomas checked his other text to find pictures of Barbara’s engagement ring and a video of her telling our parents about her engagement. Thomas smiled slightly and watched the video with the volume on low knowing exactly how his mom would react. He did however have to turn it up when he couldn’t hear the video over Christopher’s snoring.

   He watched as Barbara casually, without words, held up her engagement ring for them to see. Sophie’s hands automatically came up to cover her mouth as her eyes started watering dangerously. Gideon however stared at it not comprehending yet. “He did not!” Sophie all but screamed. He listened as Barbara and Oliver started laughing. 

   Gideon’s mouth fell open slightly, understanding brightening his eyes. He walked over quickly and hugged her, Sophie joining quickly. The video ended then and Thomas sent his sister a text.

Tommy:

Aww! They’re so proud! I’m proud of you. It was about time Oliver took the next step! Love you tons miss you more!

   Thomas opened the last unread message and furrowed his eyebrows, it was an unknown number. Thomas opened it and felt a smile stretching across his face. 

Unknown Number:

Hey I asked Lucie for your number hope you don’t mind.

Unknown Number:

It’s Alastair btw lol

   Thomas let out a happy sound that immediately made him blush even though Christopher wasn’t awake to hear it. Thomas took a few calming breaths cursing himself for acting like a little girl with a crush.

Tommy:

Oh hey I don’t mind sorry for responding late

   Thomas stared down at the message, that was cool right? Not too eager, not too pushy. Thomas sighed roughly and put his phone on the nightstand by their beds. Thomas closed his eyes and replayed the events of the day, the practicing, the boys trying to convince him to sing at a concert, the girls words which were still ringing in his ears much to his dismay, and Alastair. 

   Daring Alastair with his stupid dyed hair and his face that lights up constantly. Thomas shook his head as if he could physically fling the thoughts from his head. He got up knowing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep yet. Christopher was making sure of that. Thomas knew in the back of his mind that he was probably going to end up in James and Matthew’s room.

   Thomas got up and picked up his guitar. It had been a long day and he had written a song but he didn’t want to play it for anyone yet. It was deeper than his normal ones, it was more just words he needed out of his head. Thomas huffs loudly the girls words playing on repeat in his head, he could tell he was getting a migraine but he bit back the pain and started strumming.

I don't know why I just feel I'm better off

Stayin' in the same room I was born in

I look outside and see a whole world better off

Without me in it tryin' to transform it

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind, yeah

Listen, I know

This one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds

But the lyrics are so down

It's okay though

Because it represents, wait, better yet it is

Who I feel I am right now

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Oh, don't you test me, no

Just because I play the piano

Doesn't mean I, I'm not willin' to take you down

I'm sorry

I'm, I'm out of my mind, oh

I'm not seein' things right, oh

I waste all this time tryin' to run from you

But I'm, I'm out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

You are out of my mind

You aren't seein' my side

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

   Thomas sighed and sat his guitar down rubbing his forehead with one hand. He got migraines when he had stressful days, which in all honesty were more often than not. Maybe he could ask Matthew for migraine medicine, he was sure to have some.

   Thomas got up and jot down a message telling Christopher where he went in case he woke up, which wasn’t likely but he didn’t want to risk it. He put some sunglasses on because the yellow lighting in the halls made his head worse and walked down to James and Matthew’s room which was only three doors down.

   Everyone knew where the others were sleeping in case of emergency or if they just wanted to hang out. 

   Thomas was about to knock when he heard some noises coming from inside. He furrowed his eyebrows wondering the hell they could be doing to make that racket. He could hear the bed hitting the wall and realization dawned on him. Crap.

   Thomas whined softly knowing that he couldn’t get Matthew’s medicine now. He blushed furiously and walked away from their door quickly trying to erase the noises he had just heard. He sighed and shook his head stopping for a moment when a sharp wave of pain hit him and he stumbled slightly.

   Thomas put his hand on the wall and walked slowly to Lucie and Cordelia’s room slowly, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He cursed when he stood in front of the door. He knocked sharply not wanting to be too loud in case they were asleep. He stood there for a few minutes before he turned to head back to his room deciding to wait it out.

   The door opened as Thomas took his second step. Thomas let out a noise of relief. “Lucie-” He started softly before realizing that it wasn’t Lucie standing there, it wasn’t Cordelia either. It was Alasatiar.

   Thomas looked at him for a while trying to wrap his head around why Alastair was there before slowly realizing that this wasn’t the girls room it was Alastair’s. Thomas groaned loudly and stumbled slightly. Alastair’s eyes, normally playful and joyous, were now darkening; he was practically scowling and Thomas shrunk away.

   “Lightwood please don’t tell me you’re wasted.” Alastair said glaring Thomas shook his head and promptly sat down when the room spun too fast. Thomas let out an exasperated laugh. Alastair was now looking at him with concern, all annoyance gone. “Lightwood what’s wrong with you?” He said squatting down so he was eye level with Thomas.

   Thomas looked at him in confusion before shrugging trying to ignore the pounding in his head. He hadn’t meant to be here and it was quite embarrassing to be a stumbling, collapsing mess in front of someone he cared so much to impress or at least not embarrass himself in front of. Alastair’s eyes narrowed, not a glare, but a look that said stop lying.

  “Thomas you all but collapsed in front of me and you’re saying there’s nothing wrong?” Thomas let out a small noise. “James and Matthew are shagging.” Alastair’s eyebrows shot up. That was obviously not what he was expecting, Thomas laughed. “And this affects you and I how?” I close my eyes, the pain radiating and pulsing in my head. 

   “I needed his medicine.” I explain quietly trying to show him he needed to be quiet. He seemed to take the message because the next time he spoke it was significantly quieter. “Thomas what medicine?” Thomas furrowed his brows trying to think of the name giving up quickly when that just made the pain in his head worse. He really really hated migraines.

   “Thomas,” Alastair said, now kneeling in front of Thomas. He looked slightly desperate and Thomas took a moment to appreciate that he had never seen Alastair look like that before. “Thomas come on what medicine.” I pat his shoulder and stand up shakily. “It’s alright I actually meant to go to Lucie’s room.” 

   Alasatir gave him a serious look and took his hand gently leading him inside the cold hotel room. “Thomas just come here and what medicine do you need?” Thomas didn’t even try to fight him, knowing Alastair was too stubborn to let him go easily. He was attempting to ignore the fact that his head was steadily getting worse and how his stomach was flipping dangerously. “Migraine.” Thomas said simply, answering Alastair’s question as best he could. Alastair looked at him wearily. 

   “Is that what’s going on? You have a migraine?” Thomas nodded and that was all it took to push him overboard. Thomas gasped and stood up quickly stumbling to the bathroom and barely making it in time to empty out his stomach in the toilet. He felt a hand on his back and soothing words but the burn in his throat and throbbing in his head was all he could think about.

   “Thomas, I’m going to go get some medicine okay? Do you want me to stay or are you going to be okay for a minute?” Thomas just groaned in response and continued emptying his stomach contents. He honestly didn’t believe he had much in his stomach because he hadn’t eaten much that day but he was being proven wrong.

   He felt the hand leave his back and he threw up a little more before sitting back and resting his back on the bathtub. Thomas groaned in embarrassment when he realized that not only had he accidentally come to Alastair’s room, collapsed in front of him, and was dragged into his room, but he had also thrown up in front of him.

   Thomas didn’t get much time to ponder that thought because Alastair came back with pills and water. His face was calm but his eyes were slightly panicked. Thomas wondered if he was the only one who could see it or if Alastair just showed it obviously.

   Thomas took the water gratefully and drank it quickly, onl stopping when Alastair put a hand on his and carefully lowered it, taking the glass with it. “I brought you some medicine too. It’s not migraine medicine but it should help a little.” Thomas nodded, head still throbbing and took the small pills Alastair had offered him. He threw them back easily and swallowed them dry, taking the drink back from Alastair’s frozen hand.

   Alastair was watching him with a dark look in his eyes, something Thomas couldn’t place but he knew it wasn’t bad. Not the kind of look Alastair had when he thought Thomas was drunk. Thomas shuddered and finished the water. Alastair helped him up and put his arm around Thomas’ waist to keep him steady.

   Thomas flopped on the bed, not unlike he had earlier that night and sighed. His stomach didn’t feel as bad but his head was still pounding. Alastair sighed and sat up against the headboard, holding his arm out, inviting Thomas closer. 

   Thomas didn’t have to be told twice. He all but collapsed on Alastair’s lap. Thomas hummed contentedly as Alastair ran his fingers through his hair. Thomas grunted when he couldn’t find a comfortable position with his sunglasses off. Alastair gently tugged his glasses off and Thomas groaned as a new wave of pain hit him when his eyes saw the light. Alastair quickly blocked the light with his hand and leaned over to turn off the lamp.

   The room was plunged into darkness and Thomas just cuddled deeper into Alastair’s lap. He could vaguely remember that this wasn’t his room and he shouldn’t be doing this but need to sleep, most likely due to the pills, was overwaying his ability to freak out properly. When Alastair started humming he couldn’t keep himself aware of much anymore. 

   One thing Thomas was aware of was the fact that Alastair’s fingers felt good in his hair. Thomas wondered what it felt like to run his fingers through Alastair’s hair. To bring his face closer. To kiss him. 

   There were so many things he wanted to do and a massive inability to do any of it. Thomas was decidedly ready to tell Alastair how he felt. If he were any more awake he might have even done it right then, but he knew he was far too gone to do it.

   Thomas listened to Alastair’s quiet humming and decided that he would tell him over a song. Thomas shifted slightly so his head was resting more on Alastair’s thigh and smiled tiredly. “Alastair?” The man in question made a noise in place of an answer. “I’m going to sing my song.” He realized too late that that probably made no sense whatsoever but it seemed Alastair understood because he beamed at Thomas and ruffled his hair slightly. “I’m glad. I love hearing you sing. I’m proud of you for deciding to do it.” 

   Thomas hummed non-committedly. “Only for you.” He mumbled before his eyes slipped closed against his will and his mind gave way to dreams. He could have sworn right before he fell asleep that he felt someone kiss his head, but he chalked it up to sleep and want.