#how many times can i make janus say pet names before getting sick of it? the answer is i will never get sick of it

[logically-asexual]

Hold me like you mean it

summary:

Logan’s feelings for Virgil and the fact that now Virgil barely notices him are stopping him from getting any work done. Janus offers a way for Logan to cope, by disguising himself into Anxiety. but is this really what Logan needs? and what’s in it for Janus, anyway?

Alternatively, an angsty story about rejection, denial, and manipulation.

warnings: (for the whole fic) unrequited love, rejection, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, gaslighting, dependency, dubious consent and non consent for kissing, sad ending, depression (vaguely described), angst in general, nightmares, self harm. let me know what else i should add.

taglist: @gummibearbullet @chara-07 @the-sympathetic-villain @whatishappeningrightnow

Read on AO3

Chapter 7

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words: 1007

Janus’ room was as dark as usual. From where they stood, Logan could discern a bed, a nightstand, and the other Side with him, who was still looking at him with pity, and now had his palm resting on his cheek.

“I’m fine, Janus.” Logan tried, but the trembling of his voice and the tears building up in his eyes betrayed his intentions. Logan turned his face upwards, hoping to both prevent the tears from escaping and get out of the other’s hold. However, Janus quickly caught his head and pulled it back down with his other hand. Its thumb moved to press against the corner of his eye, coaxing the drops of fluid to fall. Logan winced from the pain, but relaxed slightly when the same thumb soothingly wiped the tears away.

“Tell me the truth.” It wasn’t a question.

Logan swallowed, and avoided Janus’ intense gaze. “You heard him. They don’t care about me. I made the greatest effort, tried the best I could, drawing upon all the knowledge I have about them, and I still made things worse. I always do. They don’t want me... Virgil doesn’t want me, and it’s my own fault.” He attempted to stop his voice from cracking again, but it was becoming harder with every word. “But I knew that already, and I got what I wanted, didn’t I? They never invite me in, but they listen when I speak. I have less work to do now, since Thomas gave up on following deadlines or a schedule, I don’t even have to try to participate in their games.” He began to feel the pain of his nails digging into his palms. “They don’t need more of me, I can spend my time on my own without dealing with the others’ antics. I wanted this. Isn’t that enough? Why isn’t it enough?!” He looked pleadingly into Janus’ eyes, blurred by the liquid in his.

“Because you’re stupid, dear.” The contrast of his words and the soft caressing on his cheek was confounding enough to stop his sobs. “We’ve been over this so many times. You don’t need them. You’re better than that, and you already have me.”

Logan exhaled, pondering what Janus said. He was right, he had helped him more than anyone else.

“If they don’t want to reciprocate your efforts, then why try?” Janus’ sweet voice almost made him dizzy. “If what you provide for Thomas without being there physically suffices, then why go out and exhaust yourself like this? It’s not fair to you.”

Logan sniffled, turning his head back again towards the ceiling. This time, Janus let go of it and moved his hands to his shoulders instead. He breathed shakily for a moment, letting the other’s words sink in. Then, he sniffled once more, and fell into his arms, crying freely against Janus’ shoulder.

He didn’t remember the last time he cried, not like this, but he was grateful to have Janus by his side now. Such a display of vulnerability was hard to bear, but he felt relieved nonetheless, and trusted Deceit to care for him.

Janus gently moved them to sit on the bed, with him leaning against the headboard and Logan still on his shoulder, and took his glasses from his face to set them on the nightstand. They stayed like that for a while, Janus petting his head as Logan let go all the tears he had been holding back.

Logan thought about the list of effects he had noted from Deceit's room. There, Janus could control lighting, sounds, his own appearance and voice to make disguises even more convincing than outside, and even the others’ movements, turning them to look where he wanted them to or stopping them from talking. But he couldn’t control Logan’s feelings. He knew. He knew this was all his own.

Eventually, his sobs died out, and he was able to breathe steady again, feeling too weak to move. When Janus noticed this, he cradled his face in his hands once again, and guided it to meet his gaze.

“You will be alright, sweetheart. As long as you’re here, you are safe.” He punctuated the statement with a cold kiss on Logan’s forehead.

After a pause, he shifted his position to get a little closer, and pressed his lips delicately to each of his cheeks. The cool touch was a strong contrast to the warmth of Logan’s face, but in his dazed state, he made no move to stop him. Another pause. Logan closed his eyes, letting the last teardrops fall as Janus finally sealed their mouths together.

Logan tiredly kissed back, the way he had learned throughout the past couple months, and barely flinched when he felt Deceit’s forked tongue lick his lips. Without thinking, he opened his mouth, and felt his mind fog as he let him continue.

Janus wasn’t wearing a disguise, he reminded himself of that, but he found that he didn’t care. It had been a while already that he had wanted Janus more than he wanted the original object of his attraction, seeing through his mask, no matter how convincing. Logan just hadn’t fully accepted it, but it was evident. He liked his sarcasm, his determination, his sweet words, the way he would gently take Logan’s glasses off and tell him he didn’t need them when he was with him. The real Virgil he had been pursuing was nothing like that.

He raised his hand to carefully brush his fingers against Deceit’s scales, the sensation just as eerie as it was comforting. Without breaking the contact, Janus pushed him slowly to lay back on the pillow and kept kissing him, stealing his breath with every movement of his tongue.

Logan couldn’t tell how much time had passed when Janus finally pulled away, but he was too drained of energy to mind. He opened his eyes, and was met with complete darkness, now only able to feel the bed underneath him. He took a deep breath and gave in to slumber.

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notes: i had been daydreaming what happens here for months and it's what inspired me to write the entire thing lol. i hope you guys like it.

also check out this little drawing i made of this chapter 👀

[stillebesat]

Christmas Eve (5/5)

Sanders Sides: Janus, Patton, Roman, Virgil Pairings: Past Roceit (was toxic), Familial Moceit (Dad Janus, Son Patton) Blurb: Of all the barriers that Janus expected to have to overcome in order to get his son a pet for Christmas, encountering his Ex, Roman, working in the pet store had never once crossed his mind. Fic Type: Christmas!Eve Fic, Past Lovers to Enemies to ??? trope, Dad!Janus, Kid!Patton, Frogmin!Virgil, MythicalMin!AU, Frogmin!AU Overall Fic Warnings: Past Toxic Relationship Talk, Manipulation/Lying Talk, Human-ish Creatures kept as Pets Taglist in Reblog

To Catch Up: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 

I’m sorry. 

Janus hadn’t missed how Roman had reacted to the words. How he’d tried to brush them off like it was nothing.

It wasn’t nothing.

It had taken him a long time, with the encouragement of his therapist and Patton’s unwavering love, to grow comfortable admitting when he was at fault. To apologize. To say those two little words and actually mean them without trying to use them for his own gain. 

He hadn’t even realized he’d even said ‘I’m sorry’ until he saw his Ex jolt like he’d just gotten electrocuted. 

I’m sorry. 

Two little words.

Two little words that he’d never said to Roman while they were together, but had made him, his Prince, say constantly back for every little slight or wrong doing Janus had accused him of. 

Two little words.

Two little words that he needed to say sooner rather than later to his Ex in a far more meaningful way.

I’m sorry.  

The phrase whirled in his head relentlessly as he half listened to Roman’s spiel about the store’s guarantees and return policies for their Min while also listening to Pattey’s excited chattering to the little Frogmin nearby as the two new friends looked through the shelves of Min clothing for a ‘gift outfit’ for Virgil to wear home. 

Apparently it was part of their Christmas package this year for their Mythical Mins...and quite considerate of Roman to bring up as Janus hadn’t realized, even with all his research, that the Mins would need clothing. That they would want to wear anything. 

He would have to keep that in mind. That Virgil should be treated less like a frog and more like a person. And people liked clothes. 

“What about this one!?” Pattey asked, pulling out something that was bright blue, though at Virgil’s hiss, quickly put it back. “But blue is so pretty, Vee!” 

“No.” 

“A little blue?”  “NO.” 

Their chatter in the background was comforting, and yes, semi distracting, but with his and Roman’s heads nearly touching as his Ex pointed to various key lines on the multiple forms he had him filling out, it helped to keep him grounded enough from his own thoughts to nod and hum at the proper moments as Roman spoke and not look like a completely besotted idiot.

Janus couldn’t stop the smile from tugging at his lips though as he tapped his pen on the counter, watching his Ex from the corner of his eye. It almost felt like old times. Back when they’d be up until four in the morning, a single desk lamp illuminated between them as the two of them desperately tried to hammer out the final details in their latest project. Roman even emphasized the important points the same way. Triple circling the return policy with a black marker as Janus dutifully initialed and signed where his Ex indicated. 

That didn’t mean he didn’t notice when Roman skipped over the line stating that he could call the store anytime if he had any concerns about the Frogmin. It was a slight enough omission, done so smoothly by his Ex, that If he hadn’t been reading along to keep himself semi-focused on what was being said, Janus would never have known.

He bit back a sigh, ignoring the ache in his chest as he signed his name to the bottom of the page. If they’d actually been back in college, he wouldn’t have hesitated to point out that Roman had skipped a line. Teased him about being careless with binding documents and surely he didn’t mean to imply that Janus couldn’t call. 

But he’d grown enough to recognize that this was a sign that Janus shouldn’t call. Not that he couldn’t. Roman was discretely setting a boundary for him not to cross and he...well he would recognize and respect it. 

“Is that all?” He asked, placing the pen on the counter. 

Roman’s eyes flickered as he straightened. “Well...you still need to pay.” He said turning for the register to ring up the Frogmin. “But yes that’s all the forms to say that Virgil is yours now.” He gestured to the pinpad before grabbing the papers flipping through the pages to separate out the copies that the store needed to keep.

“YAY!” Patton cradled Virgil, now wearing a black and purple hoodie, close to his cheek, beaming up at Roman. “Vee can come home and eat all the Spiders!!” 

“Maybe not all of them tonight, Pattey.” Janus said, giving his son a wink as he tried to push away his own gloomy thoughts and the pressure he could feel building in his chest. 

Stupid conscience.

He recognized he needed to apologize. To try and make amends for those two turbulent years he’d put Roman through. But it hardly felt like the right moment. It was Christmas Eve for crying out loud! How much more cliche could he get?

“We wouldn’t want Virgil to get a stomach ache and be sick on Christmas now would we?” He remarked, pulling out his credit card.

When would he ever have another moment though to tell his Ex he was sorry? He lived far enough away that a casual visit was out of the question and more than likely not wanted. Not unless something happened with Virgil...and even then...it would suck to have to face Roman again under well less than ideal circumstances.

Tonight was hardly ideal. 

But their conversation had gone civilly enough that maybe...maybe this was the best moment. 

The only moment.

It was two little words.

He could say them.

He just needed to prove to Roman that he actually meant them. 

Patton paused, frowning as he turned his head to Virgil before his eyes lit up again. “One spider as a treat.” He whispered. “Then you can help me put out the cookies and milk for Santa!” 

Virgil frowned, pulling his hoodie over his head. “Santa?” He asked at the same time Roman spoke up.

“What kind of cookies are you putting out for the big guy? Sugar? Snickerdoodle?” He asked, scooting the paperwork over for Janus to take.  

“CHOCOLATE CHIP!” Patton placed Virgil on his shoulder before spreading his arms out wide. “Daddy made thiiiisss many! That way Santa has lots and I can have lots too!” 

“Oh?” Roman raised an eyebrow to Janus. You bake? He mouthed.

Janus rolled his eyes, folding up the forms and placing them in an inside pocket. “Surprise. I finally figured out how to work an oven.” 

“Without starting the dishwasher on fire?”

Janus flushed, fumbling to put his card back into his wallet as the machine beeped at him. “Yes.” 

Crofters, why did his Ex have to remember that particular incident. It had hardly been his...proudest moment. Definitely one where he should have apologized, but instead had managed to convince the landlord that faulty wiring was the cause and he and Roman wouldn’t need to pay damages. 

Virgil snickered as Pattey looked between the two of them. “But Daddy...dishwashers only use water. There’s no fire there!”

Roman smirked, handing him the receipt. “Exactly.” 

Patton turned to him, tugging on his pants. “Daddy? Dishwasher’s aren’t for food. Don’t cook in them!” 

He reached down ruffling his son’s hair. “I know, Pattey. I only did it once. Don’t plan to do it again.”  

“Good! Because soggy cookies are not yummy. Not at all--oh! Mr. Prince Roman!” Pattey whirled to Roman. “Can Virgil eat cookies?” 

Roman flashed him a smile, eyes alive with laughter that made Janus’s heart skip a beat. “Yes, though not your usual cookies. Virgil needs a higher protein diet with less sugar than you do.” He grabbed a package hanging from a peg nearby, holding it out for Pattey to see. “These are Cricket Crumbles. Kinda like your no-bake cookies, but made from crickets instead.”

Patton lit up as he spun back to his dad, eliciting a squeaky hiss from Virgil as the poor Min clung to his jacket as Pattey grabbed onto Janus’s sleeve tugging it. “Daaaaddd?” 

Yah….He had seen that coming a mile away. “Mmm?”

“CanwegethecrumblesforVirgilsohecanhavecookieswithustoowhenwegethome? Plleeeeaassseeeeee?”

Janus raised an eyebrow to his Ex. “Is it too late---”

Beep. 

“Oops.” Roman said, not at all sounding apologetic as he pulled his hand away from the bag he’d just scanned. “That will be $7.89” 

 “Right.” He pulled out his credit card again, chuckling at Patton’s excited squeal as Roman handed the bag over to him. 

“YAY! Look Vee! Cookieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

“...I see that.” The Frogmin said in his low tone, tilting his head at the bag, his nostrils flaring.  

His Ex laughed, moving from behind the register, gesturing them to the door. “You always bend that easily to your kid?”

Yes. Janus shrugged, ignoring how his heart had leaped at hearing Roman’s booming laugh. “It’s Christmas.” 

Roman raised an eyebrow, amber eyes bright and sparkling and just perfect as he pulled open the door. “Mmhmmm. You spoil him rotten don’t you?” He said, lowering his voice as Patton and Vee darted past them into the night. 

“Look, look Vee! See that’s our car over there, and ooo look! All the stars are out!” Pattey cried pointing upwards, thankfully stopping on the curb without Janus having to remind him not to run out into the parking lot--a shockingly empty parking lot considering how busy it had been just twenty minutes earlier.  

“Not as much as you’d think.” He wanted Pattey to be better than him. To grow up realizing he couldn’t get everything he wanted with a well placed pout or scream. 

Speaking of being better.

Stomach twisting in knots, Janus placed his hand on the door before Roman could shut it and physically and figuratively lock him out. “Roman…” He drew in a steading breath, mentally crossing his fingers that Patton wouldn’t interrupt the moment as he looked him straight in the eyes. “I know it’s not the best timing.” Horrible timing. Who apologizes on Christmas Eve except the protagonists in a stupid holiday Romance Movie? “But I don’t know if I’ll see--I’m--I just want--It’s not worth much all things considered but I--well--” He’d probably never get another opportunity to do this.

Roman’s eyes flashed as he raised an eyebrow, his fingers going white as they gripped the door.

“I’m sorry.” Janus said, forcing himself to maintain eye contact as he spoke. “I don’t expect you to accept it.” He really wanted him to though. “But...I am sorry. Truly sorry. For how I treated you, our relationship. I--I was in the wrong and I shouldn’t have--”

Roman raised his hand, a single finger pressing against his lips, shutting up Janus entirely, breath catching in his throat.  “You’re right.” He said softly, eyes glittering in the faint lights from the parking lot. “It’s rather cliche timing.” He dropped his hand, taking a step back. “And...I don’t…” He exhaled, turning his head away to look back inside the store. “I’m not sure I want to hear it just yet, Dae.”

Janus flushed, feeling his cheeks heat up despite the rest of him feeling like he’d just got dunked in freezing water. “Because it sounds fake right?” He always sucked at apologizing when it actually counted. It never sounded real to him either. 

Roman huffed a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “No, you actually sounded genuine. But Dae--” He shook his head. “You put me through a lot. A lot. In college and I--I’m--I can see things are...different. I’m just...not ready yet. To accept your apology. I’d like to think I would at some point. But right now? Here?” He made eye contact once more, amber eyes surprisingly still glowing with warm. “I can’t. It’s hard enough to believe that you’ve actually changed despite what I’ve seen tonight.”

I only ever knew Liar Dae.

Right. Janus slumped, chest aching as he nodded. “I understand.” He’d known a fifteen minute conversation and an apology couldn’t erase those two years of toxic manipulation that easily. But he’d---he’d hoped--

“Good.” Roman searched his eyes before visibly relaxing. “And I can’t believe I’m saying this...but have a Merry Christmas, alright?” 

It wasn’t the ending he wanted. But all things considered. It was a good enough note for their unexpected meeting to end on. Janus nodded. “Merry Christmas.” He said softly, watching as his Ex locked the doors and disappeared deeper inside without a looking back.  

“Daddy?” 

Janus jumped, tearing his eyes from the door as his son grabbed his hand. “Mmm?” 

His little LilyPatton squeezed it tightly, looking up at him. “You should get two cookies tonight.”   

Janus chuckled, squeezing his hand back. “You think so?” He asked, glancing back to the doors one last time.

“Yes!” Pattey tugged at his arm, pulling him towards the car as Virgil crouched on his shoulder, head swiveling between the store and the car. “Dragon Witches always get cookies after working with the Prince! It’s the rules!”

“Oh? Well then, I can’t argue with that.” Janus pulled out the car keys, jangling them as he offered his son a small smile. “What do you think? Should we let Virgil drive us home to get those cookies?”

“DRIVE?!” Screeched the Min, mismatched eyes growing so wide they seemed to take up his entire face as he tried to bury himself in Pattey’s jacket. “ME?!” 

Janus laughed, purposely putting any further thoughts of Roman on the back burner until after his son and new friend went to bed. 

No use wishing for what could have been when he had his family right here in front of him. 

“No, I’ll drive.” He said unlocking the door, helping Pattey hop inside, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead before buckling in his son. “Lessons will have to wait until you’re older, Virgil.” 

Or until tomorrow morning when Patton unwrapped the remote control car Santa would be bringing him.  

End. 

[exhaustedfander]

One shot request intruality, Patton and Remus having a conversation about their insecurities. Mostly focusing on how they both have times of struggling to understand the other sides ex. Making some changes

This isn’t exactly what was requested, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I had a lot of fun with this one! 

Word Count: 3,322

Summary: Recently, Patton and Remus's relationship has begun to change. When Patton lets a pet name slip by accident, a much-needed conversation takes place.

ao3 link

Sweet Pea

To say that Remus hadn’t been expecting any of this would be a gross understatement. He is by no means the kind of side to have too many expectations; when your whole thing is being unpredictable, you learn to stop expecting things and simply see what life chucks your way. Even so, having a relationship with Patton of any kind has thrown him for a loop like very few things can.

It isn’t as though Remus has a vendetta against Patton. Sure, the guy is a lot more clean-cut then his style, which is to say, not a rat-man, and he indulges in far fewer of life’s pleasures than Remus does, but he doesn’t hate him. For a while there, he’d been real fun to mess with, knowing Patton was so afraid of him. So much as walking into a room could set the fatherly side on edge, and wasn’t that just the best? He adored messing with any of the others, but Patton was by far the easiest.

The only problem is, it’s become a hell of a lot less fun with Patton since the massive shift that’s occurred between them. When Janus got accepted into the “good guys,” Remus was convinced that his role likely wouldn’t change – which he was totally fine with! He’s been the same old Duke for years, even if Thomas hadn’t known about him for almost the entirety of his life, and that was okey-doke. But… after Janus found himself a seat at the table, so it seemed, did Remus.

It isn’t as though he’s been given the green light to try and convince Thomas to do absolutely anything he wants to do, as fun as that would be. But the weird thing is, Patton had apologized to him. Morality, who’d been so wary of him for so long, had told him that he had been judging him too harshly and that surely, there was a lot of good in him. Remus isn’t one to have expectations, but that had struck him as odd. Why the fuck would Patton want him to be around, considering all he represented? Why would morality want anything to do with him?

As weird as everything is, Remus had been under the impression that Patton was merely tolerating him, maybe in an attempt to make the others believe he was making nice with everyone. At first, Remus kept up his usual behavior, obnoxious and crude, but it didn’t rattle Patton like it used to. Sure, he’d get a surprised shriek or two when he dangled from the ceiling from one of his tentacles or rose up unexpectedly, but then Patton would simply smile at him and say hello.

 Patton isn’t scared of him, not anymore, and Remus doesn’t quite know what to do with that.

He’s used to others being unnerved in his presence, considering who he is. But since Patton has been alright with him hanging around them more and more, he’s noticed them doing more to tolerate him as well. Roman is, well, he isn’t complaining about him quite as much as usual. He’s even stopped chastising him every time he comes into the imagination claiming he’ll “Ruin everything!”, even if it is their shared domain. Virgil still seems fairly irritated with him, but that’s nothing new and Remus doesn’t mind. Logan is being far more considerate of him then he’d think, considering he’d chucked throwing stars at his face before. Janus has always at the very least tolerated him, so that’s just peachy-keen. The other sides are being considerate enough not to complain every time he’s near, but Patton has gone above and beyond in welcoming him lately. And that… is decidedly very weird.

He's invited him to come to dinner, even encouraging that he can eat whatever he wants, no matter how seemingly inedible it is. It’s certainly amusing to see the looks on the other’s faces when he sits down at the dinner table as if he belongs there; he doesn’t think he belongs there, but that’s beside the point.

Patton does everything he can to keep things civil at the table, to a point where Remus is almost impressed if he weren’t such an agent of chaos himself. He nips blossoming spats between Virgil and Janus in the bud as quickly as they arise and he tells jokes and puns that Remus can’t help but find a little endearing, in a silly, dad way. Remus decides to tell some jokes of his own, and while they are on the harsher and more disgusting side, he elicits a few chuckles from Patton while the rest of them simply roll their eyes.

It doesn’t make any sense; Patton has just stopped being terrified of him, and now here he is, morality, giggling at Remus’s mention of cannibalism. Has the world gone mad? Has he gone mad? Quite possibly.

Things only grow stranger from that point on. Patton speaks often with Remus, encouraging him that they are getting to be “real good friends” and Remus is even invited to movie nights (“I’m afraid your birthday suit is not an acceptable outfit for movie night, kiddo).

It isn’t hard to tell that the others are at least somewhat displeased with him being there, for the most part. Sure, Janus doesn’t have any problems with him, and Logan doesn’t seem to hate him, but Roman is clearly very agitated and Virgil seems to be doing everything in his power to ignore him. And yet Patton, of all sides, continues to provide so much warmth and joy his way it almost made him want to puke.

Remus isn’t used to this kind of treatment. Even with Janus, someone he considers his closest friend, there is very little affection between them. Remus is used to being the gross one, the nuisance, the “problem child.” Being fawned over is a completely new experience and one he can’t decide how he feels about. Patton isn’t scared of him anymore, and that was kind of a bummer at first, but now? Well, now Remus isn’t quite sure what the hell is going on.

After movie night of a few Disney films, everyone else had decided to hit the hay, yet Patton and Remus remain. Remus is sure any moment now Patton will rise from his spot and declare that he is going to sleep, too. Except… that isn’t what happens.

Instead, Patton asks Remus if he has any movie recommendations, something they could watch, just the two of them.

“I don’t think my kind of movies are really your style, Pattycake,” Remus insists, thoroughly shocked that Patton would so much as ask. The fatherly side shakes his head.

“Well, that doesn’t mean we can’t give it a try. I’d like to watch something you enjoy for a change,” Patton says, smiling kindly, “If it’s really that bad, I’m sure I could just let you know.” That seems okay, Remus supposes.

“Yeah, alright. But don’t complain to me when you get sweet little nightmares,” Remus warns, though in actuality he doesn’t plan on showing Patton anything too intense. Before, the idea of giving Patton nightmares was positively delicious, but now – now it made him feel kinda sick, and not in a good way, either.

Remus decides to pop in The Cabin in the Woods, seeing as it is a comedy as well as horror and fairly silly, despite the gore. He’s sure Patton won’t be too much of a fan of it and bail out early on, and yet here he remains, sitting close to him on the couch and looking intently at the screen.

Remus realizes maybe he doesn’t know as much about Patton as he thought he did when he giggles a bit at a scene of people being mascaraed by a large group of monsters running amuck, laughing particularly hard when a character meets a gruesome fate at the hand of a less than conventionally attractive merman. All the while the movie has been going, Remus notices that Patton has been inching closer and closer until his head is resting on his shoulder. The thought of Patton willingly being so close to him sends a strange feeling of contentment through him. For most of their lives, Patton has been so wary of him, and now he’s almost as close as he can get. Why would something as silly as Patton laying his head on his shoulder make him feel so strange?

Remus is almost positive that he is going to burst into flames when Patton smiles at him once the film had ended and says: “I don’t know what you were worried about. That was a really fun movie, Sweet Pea.”

Remus jerks away, scooting to the edge of the couch while Patton shoots him a look of concern.

“Remus, are you okay?”

“What… what did you just call me?” Patton blinks.

“…Huh?”

“You called me Sweet Pea. Why – why the hell did you do that for?” Even in the fairly dark living room, Remus can see the blush that’s spread across Patton’s face, meaning his own flushed cheeks are visible as well. Patton wrings his hands, apprehension present in the action.

“W-well, I dunno, I guess it just kinda… slipped?” Patton offers weakly, praying Remus will accept the answer without fighting it any more than that. Of course, that’s not to be the case.

“It slipped?” Remus asks incredulously. “Why in the world would you use a word like that to describe me?” Patton doesn’t respond for a moment, his eyes settled on his lap, refusing to answer Remus’s burning question. After a minute or so, though, Patton speaks.

“Things have been different between us lately, haven’t they?”

The question hangs heavy in the air. Remus barely knows how to respond. Of course, things have been different; Patton’s actively professed he enjoys hanging-out, to say things hadn’t changed would be a blatant lie.

“I mean… yeah. You’ve been all sweet with me, I guess. Which you get is weird, right?”

“Why would it be weird?” Patton asks, so genuinely it hurts.

“Because,” Remus says as though Patton’s a lunatic for asking the question, gesturing vaguely to himself, “I’m me! Intrusive thoughts, remember? Everything nasty that’s been shut away for the last thirty-years; everything you hate.” Patton’s mouth creases into a frown.

“I don’t hate you, Remus. I… well, I never have. I was just scared of you, once, but I just didn’t understand you then.” Remus scoffs.

“And now you understand me completely?”

“I never said that. But…” Patton hesitates, biting his lip before extending Remus his hand, “I want to. I want to know you better. I was so lost in the belief that I knew best for so long… and I’ll always be sorry for that. I’m sorry for the way that I treated you and Janus; it wasn’t right of me. Not at all. But I’m trying. I want to know you guys. I want to know you, Remus.”

Remus retracts his hand, the warmth in his chest bursting into flames, a fire that’s sure to burn down everything that it touches.

“You don’t want that,” he insists, his eyes training on the wall, eager to avoid the heavy weight of Patton’s gaze.

“But I do!”

“No, you just think you do,” Remus grits through his teeth, the fire bathing him in a horrible warmth, “You – you just think you want that. But you don’t. You’re too sweet for that. Too sweet to know me that way. You’ll quit while you’re ahead if you know what’s good for you.” Remus rises to his feet, positive the fire is enveloping him now, positive to burn him to the ground. With each passing second, he burns a little brighter, skin melting and bones turning to ash. The feeling is something horrible, he realizes, more abhorrent than anything he could possibly conjure.

Remus is falling in love with Patton.

Remus shivers as Patton grabs a hold of his wrist, keeping him from feeling. Doesn’t he get it; Remus is trying to keep him from perishing in the fire as well. He’ll die alone, go up and smoke if it means Patton is safe.

“Patton – let go,” Remus says, the request a beg more than anything else. Patton shakes his head, determination brimming in his eyes.

“I won’t. I’m not letting you leave, Remus.”

Remus pulls harder, shocked by the sheer strength Patton is exhibiting. If it were anyone else, he’d do anything to escape, biting, scratching, and clawing his way out, if necessary. But Patton isn’t anyone else and he’s been stupid enough to develop dangerously strong feelings. Patton calling him something so soft and painfully domestic has awoken something fragile in him, and he intends to put an end to it.

“Why not? Why the fuck are you trying so hard to be nice to me? Why do you care?”

“Because…” Patton swallows the lump in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut as he lets go and admits it, “I like you!”

“Wh-what?”

“I said: I like you. I’ve been spending time with you because I want to. I want you to feel welcomed, I want you to know you have a place here. But also because I like you. A lot.” Finally, Patton’s released him, and yet Remus can’t find it in himself to run away.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“But I do!” Patton maintains, his eyes burning with a sincerity that’s scaring the hell out of Remus, “Lately, I’ve seen you light up and… I like that. I like seeing you so much happier, I like seeing you and Jan joking in the commons and at the dinner table. I like it when you greet me in silly ways when you hang from the ceiling with your tentacles or jump from behind the couch. I like the time we spend together; I like that I’m getting to know you more.

“I like you, Remus. And if you don’t feel the same… then I understand. If I’ve made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry… again. But I need you to understand that I want this, I want to hang out, I want to watch movies that you pick out. I want you to be real with me because you can! I’m not afraid of you anymore, and I never want to be ever again. Liking you is much better than that.”

Remus doesn’t know how to respond. The fire is incasing him now, but he’s not sure if he’s going to be reduced to a pile of ashes anymore. Patton is offering so much, more than he realizes. He’s offering the kindness he’s already shown him, offering understanding unlike he’s ever known, offering intimacy unlike he’s ever experienced. And he could turn away and forget this ever happened if he so desired. Patton’s giving him that option, too, no matter how much it’s clear that he doesn’t want to. All because of some sappy nickname being said accidentally, Remus is being extended an opportunity he never envisioned for himself.

Remus has the chance to get to know Patton for everything that he is, faults and all, a chance to see the moral side down to his very core. And, in turn, he’s being given the chance to be known himself, in a way he didn’t think anyone would ever truly be interested. It would be a major understatement to say he’s a little overwhelmed.

“Do you… do you mean it?” He hates the vulnerability in his wavering voice, threatening to break. He hasn’t felt so overrun by emotions of this caliber in years, used to being brushed aside and ignored. Patton smiles, so genuinely Remus is almost positive the heart he wasn’t aware of owning is about to burst.

“With all my heart,” Patton says, and that’s the straw that breaks the Camel’s back.

Remus launches himself forward, throwing his arms around the moral side and burying his face in his neck. Patton stiffens for a moment, caught off-guard before returning the embrace with nearly as much vigor.

“Me too,” Remus says, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he clings to Patton, the fire no less lively but dying down in terms of threat, “I like you too, Patton. A-a lot. More than bugs, or blood and guts, or all the deodorant in the world.” Patton laughs at that, the sound bright and so full of joy as he runs a hand through Remus’s frazzled hair.

“Well, what a lucky guy I am,” Patton says, though his tone is nothing but serious.

After a moment they part long enough to sit back down on the couch, though Remus is quick to place himself right in Patton’s lap, his legs wrapping around the moral side’s waist. Remus has never known much in the ways of personal space and Patton is almost always eager to hug the nearest person to him, combining to an unlikely but very cuddly pair.

“Hey, Remus, how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?” Patton asks. The smile that’s crept onto Remus’s face and refused to leave grows.

“I dunno, Pattycake, how many?”

“Ten tickles!” Patton says before unleashing an onslaught of tickles onto Remus, earning a trail of giggles Patton is sure is one of the loveliest things he’s ever heard.

“Sta-stop it! knock it off, Pat or I’ll-I’ll claw your eyes out!” Remus warns jokingly, peeling off into another peel of laughter before Patton stops.

“Hey, Sweet Pea?” Patton asks after a moment. The nickname surprises Remus, but this time he’s a little more prepared for it.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?” He asks softly, his hands cupping Remus’s face gently. Remus nods quickly, smiling as Patton leans in and closes the gap. The embrace is gentle, perhaps gentler than would be expected of Remus, but it’s nothing short of incredible. Remus relishes in the feeling of Patton’s soft lips, his hands burying themselves in Patton’s curls.

“Hey,” Remus says as they break apart, already intent on kissing Patton senseless the next chance he gets. For now, though, he’s drowning in the warmth that’s surrounding him, in the softness he’s suddenly been allowed.

“Hi,” Patton responds, his smile just as wide as Remus’s.

“You’re a damn good kisser, Cookie.” Patton turns three shades redder in a matter of seconds. “Aww, you got all embarrassed! You like me calling you my cookie?”

“Stop it, Remus!” Patton says with a giggle.

“What? You’re so sweet, I can’t help it.” “Remus.”

“Oh, so you can call me sweet pea, but I can’t call you cookie. How’s about my buttercup? Honeybee? Cutie Pie?”

“Remus,” Patton says, before pressing his lips to the intrusive side’s again, effectively silencing him.

Not long ago, Patton was terrified of Remus. Terrified of what he represented and what that could mean for Thomas. But that isn’t the case anymore, not nearly. Affection has grown between them without either of them realizing. They still don’t entirely know each other, not yet. But they will. Patton’s grown so much, accepting the faults in his thinking, and with Remus’s help, he’s sure he’ll continue to change for the better.

Remus never counted on intimacy, not seeing how it could possibly be in the cards. And yet here he is, embracing someone he hasn’t always understood but is now so desperate to now. Remus doesn’t entirely know if he’s built for this kind of tenderness, knowing that it wouldn’t be impossible for things to shift back and for Patton’s fear to remerge. For now, though, Remus doesn’t focus on the nagging thoughts of what could go wrong, simply embracing what’s right in front of him.

They put on another movie, going to bed at a reasonable time out the window, though it takes very little time for them to fall asleep in each other’s arms, the TV still playing some long since forgotten horror movie.

=+=

Taglist:

@nadiestar 

@unoriginalgayboyalex 

[loganisanobody]

@badthingshappenbingo

Tags: unsympathetic Janus, unsympathetic Remus, human au

Based off a fic I can't find now, if anyone could help me - Virgil runs away from Remus and Janus and has a panic attack on the train, so Roman, Patton, and Logan take him home and take care of him. There's a car accident? Plz help so I can credit the original author ;v;

*****

Virgil walked slowly along the sidewalk, taking in the evening. It was a nice night, as the sun setting cast pink shadows on the clouds, the birds chirped, the fallen leaves crunched beneath his feet.

He looked around at the empty street, looking at the different houses he passed. Then something caught his eye: a familiar red car. His heart rate sped up, but he shook his head and kept moving. There was no way.

But he glanced again, and there was a familiar white dent in the car, and he knew.

He broke into a run, with only the thought of getting home.

He sped around the corner. He could see it. Home. He was five houses away. Four. Three. Tw— Someone jumped out in front of him.

Before he could cry out, they had grabbed him, turned him around, and slapped a hand over his mouth. He struggled, but the taller man was stronger.

"Look, I found my guinea pig!" Remus said with the glee of a six-year old whose beloved pet had finally emerged from a hole in the wall.

The familiar car pulled up, and Remus started to push Virgil toward it.

"Get in without a noise, or your boytoy will be my new guinea pig," Remus whispered harshly in Virgil's ear. Virgil froze. Roman.

Remus gave another push, and Virgil allowed himself to be led to the trunk of the car. Remus let go of his mouth to open the trunk, but Virgil didn't dare make a sound. He looked up at the house, hoping Roman would glance out the window and come to his rescue, but Remus pushed him into the trunk and slammed the door over him.

A few seconds later, with the rev of an engine, the car started moving, and Virgil's hopes quickly died.

No one would save him now.

*****

Roman would have been more aware of what was happening, if he had been awake to be aware of anything.

He woke up moaning, his head bursting with pain, in the grass behind their house. He sat up slowly, taking in the hose still gushing water on one side, and then the shovel thrown on the ground on his other side.

Virgil.

He scrambled to his feet, grabbing the shovel.

Whoever hit him over the head would likely not do anything less to his boyfriend.

He searched the house, but nothing seemed out of place. Except that Virgil wasn't home.

Wouldn't he have gotten back from his walk by now?

Roman went back out to the backyard as he tried to think. He turned off the hose and sat on the step.

Someone had attacked him, but then left him alone. There was nothing missing, except Virgil.

He felt the blood drain from his face.

Virgil had had abusive caretakers, and he had run away from them.

Would they have been searching for him all this time?

He hurriedly pulled his phone from his pocket as he rushed to the front of the house.

"Logan? I think Virgil's been kidnapped."

*****

Virgil woke up feeling very stiff. He turned, and realized he was on something rough, not soft like his bed. And he was cold. Where was his blanket?

He blinked his eyes open, then shot upright.

He was in a bare room, on carpeted floor.

Suddenly, he remembered what had happened.

He scrambled to his feet and rushed to the door. Of course, it was locked. There was no window in his room, so the only way in or out was through the door. He was trapped.

He shook his head and took a step back, looking at the door. How strong was it?

He took a few more steps back, then ran at the door, throwing his shoulder against it. He rebounded and fell, pain ringing through his arm and shoulder.

The door hadn't budged.

*****

Roman paced back and forth in Patton and Logan's living room.

"What do I do?" he repeated for the millionth time.

"You wait and let the police do their job," Logan answered calmly, as though he hadn't been saying that for the past few hours.

"I can't just sit here!" Roman turned to look at Logan. "They could be hurting Virgil, killing Virgil, as we speak!"

"There's nothing that we could do. We gave the police all the information we have. They'll be able to get more using their own resources. They're better equipped to handle this. And anyway, Virgil's abusers already hurt you, they obviously have no qualms against it. Going after him, even if you could, would just lead to more trouble."

Roman growled and clenched his fists, and went back to pacing.

"Why don't we play a game? Or go for a walk?" Patton tried. He looked so worried, but Roman could tell he was trying to be brave.

Roman shook his head. "I need to go after him."

"How?" Logan asked simply.

"I… I could… I could go to the station where Virgil got on the train that day."

"Okay, what then?"

"I… I'd comb the streets, looking for anything suspicious."

"Suspicious?"

"A-a sketchy looking dude? Or! Or a sight of Virgil through a window!"

"I doubt they'll let Virgil near any windows anytime soon."

Roman growled again.

"Roman, the police are probably doing just what you described, and more. They'll find him."

*****

Virgil didn't know how long it had been, and he really didn't want to know how Remus came up with so many ways to "experiment" on him without taking him out of the room.

He huddled in the furthest corner of the room, knees drawn up to his chest.

Then the door burst open and Remus was in front of him, yanking him to his feet, slapping a hand over his mouth again.

Virgil struggled, but he had no more strength than he had the last time.

"Shush," Remus said. He seemed to be straining to hear something.

Virgil stopped and listened.

There was a knock on a distant door.

"Hello?"

"Yes, hello. Is this the home of Janus Orion?"

"No."

Virgil furrowed his brow in confusion. Why was Janus lying?

"Do you know a Virgil Orion?"

It clicked. They were looking for him. He could have sobbed in relief.

"No."

Virgil tried to scream, cry out, do anything past Remus' hand.

"What was that?" he heard.

Remus kicked him.

"My son, having sex."

"At three in the afternoon?"

"Do I question your sexual activities?"

"No, sir."

There was a pause, and Virgil tried yelling again.

"Sir, can I see your ID?"

"Do you have a warrant?"

The man grumbled.

"Good night, officer," Janus said pointedly.

Virgil heard the door shut.

No, no no no…

Remus held him for another few seconds, then shoved him to the floor. Virgil still tried to scramble past him out the door, but Remus kicked him.

As Virgil recovered, Remus walked to the door. "You'll have no food for two days, one for each time you screamed. Next time, I will drive down to Florida and take a friend for each time you struggle." He left, locking the door behind him.

Virgil let out a sob, out of some combination of pain, fear, and hopelessness.

His one chance at freedom, and Remus and Janus had been too smart to let him have it.

*****

Against Logan's advice, Roman had taken to staying in a hotel near the station Virgil had first gotten on the train, spending the day at the station watching, spending nights wandering random streets, hoping to catch any sign of Virgil, only going back to the hotel room to charge his phone or let himself finally sleep.

His phone rang, and he scrambled to pick it up. "Did they find him?"

"No, Roman. You know they have your phone as first contact."

"Then why are you calling, Specs?"

"To try, once again, to get you to come home. You're not going to find him, and you're going to make yourself sick." He paused. "Patton's worried. For both of you. And… I am, too."

Now Roman paused. It wasn't like Logan to admit he had feelings.

"Please, come home," Logan continued. "There's strength in numbers."

Roman rubbed his face. "I… I can't just… not do something, Logan. I feel like I'm at least trying by being out here."

"That is commendable, Roman, but Virgil would want you to be safe and to take care of yourself."

Roman sighed. "Maybe you're right, Specs. But, if the police give up, I'm coming right back out here."

"That sounds like a plan, Roman."

Roman chuckled, then sighed and started toward the hotel.

*****

Virgil sank down against the wall after Remus left. Everything hurt. He inspected his arms, covered in scratches and burns, new and old. He couldn't even put his sweatshirt back on for fear of aggravating the pain.

He curled his knees up to his chest and hung his head in his arms.

Then he heard a knock.

His head flew up.

Just a couple seconds later, Remus flew into the room, grabbing Virgil like he had before. Virgil gulped behind Remus' hand. Would he dare try to get the police's attention this time?

"Janus Orion?"

"I told you, that's not my name."

"Background check says it is. We have a warrant to search this house."

There were footsteps, first from downstairs, then ascending the stairs. With every step, hope made Virgil's heart beat faster.

Finally, someone appeared in the doorway, holding a gun.

Remus' hold on Virgil tightened.

"Remus Gaines?"

"Go away or I snap his neck," Remus hissed.

Virgil's heart seized.

"I can't do that," the cop slowly stepped closer.

"I'll do it!" Remus' hold shifted on Virgil's face.

Virgil stared pleadingly at the cop.

"Remus, let him go."

There was a terrifying moment of silence, then suddenly Remus pushed Virgil into the approaching cop and swerved around him and out the door.

The cop caught Virgil and yelled out, "Runner!"

She then looked down at Virgil. "Virgil Orion?"

He nodded.

"You're safe now, Virgil, we've got you."

*****

Roman was pacing in the bedroom, unable to sit still, when his phone rang. He dove for it.

"Hello?" he asked breathlessly.

"Roman Prince?"

"Yes, yes, that's me."

"We've found Virgil. He's safe and coming home now."

Roman heard a ringing in his ears. The next thing he knew, Patton was in front of him, waving a hand in his face. Roman also found he was kneeling, when did he do that?

"Roman? Roman? Are you okay? What happened?"

Roman looked around dumbly. Logan was standing next to him, talking on the phone.

"Roman, what's wrong?" Patton prodded.

Roman turned to look at him, mouth turning up into a smile. "Nothing," he said. "Nothing's wrong."

*****

Roman was sitting on the couch next to Logan and Patton, his knee bouncing anxiously, when finally there came a knock at the door.

Roman was at the door in two steps and swung it open.

His eyes immediately fell on the black-haired, pale emo he fell in love with, and he gathered Virgil up in a bone-crushing hug.

Though Virgil winced in some pain, neither of them let go until well after the police had left, and Patton and Logan reluctantly pulled them apart to drag them inside and close the door, securing them all back safely together.