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#how the fuck it been 4 years already
lythecreatorart · 6 months
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“Where’d all the time go~?”
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Happy Birthday Tommyinnit
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sanchomps · 10 days
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doom eternal being so obsessed with face reveals they forget the captivating mystic of leaving the helmet/hood on and letting people fill in the gaps with their imagination
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dont-offend-the-bees · 4 months
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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tw vent
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sundial-bee-scribbles · 3 months
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hai guys :3
#my video lol#my audio lol#vocaloid cover#synthv cover#synthesizer v cover#genbu#genbu synthv#evil food eater conchita#i am forcing everyone to look at this. look at my guy ehehehhkjnjkhgmlb AFTER TWO WHOLE ASS YEARS FINALLY#i couldve probably put more effort into this but ITS BEEN IN HERE FOR 2 YEARS i wanna be done w/ it already 😭#so regardless if it kinda sucks a little bit; its wayyy better than the covers i made like ~4? years ago when i was first starting out#was the iku drawing i posted before this foreshadowing?? not necessarily but its rly funny to think abt in hindsight#also rip genbu in a dress that i was gonna draw for this originally 😔✌️ i'd really love to draw more stuff for these covers i make#but it usually never comes out the way i want it to and i figure editing some sorta visualizer like this is better#than keeping some things trapped in my files for so long purely bc my extra ass wants a cool pv. some day maybe but not now#some sick fuck unsubscribed from me after i posted this BYE BITCH i dont miss you at all. live laugh love genbu in this house /j#im not the most obnoxious genbu stan i'd say but you WILL respect him in my house i do not tolerate genbu slander i love that man your hono#yes im extremely based bc he (and eleanor) were THE very first vsynths i ever actually fucked around w/ programwise#but WHATEVER!! idc he is so dear to me i do not regret buying his full version at all (it was impulsive)#the only synth i'd actually consider myself kinda good at tuning LMAO ik people hate how he sounds and have issues w/ him but not me...#these tags are too long girl stfu. anyways tldr; look at silly thang i made w/ my silly man#i love genbu and i love songs about cannibalism <3#Youtube
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toastsnaffler · 10 months
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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dogearedheart · 6 days
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🏞🏞🏞
#the thing is I'm not proud of many things I've done. It's actually the exact opposite.#I kinda suck most of the time if I'm honest. but getting sober and doing it all on my own...#it's one of the only things I'm proud of when it comes to myself. sure.it's my third attempt but 1 year and 3 months...#it's the longest time I've ever managed to not try and deal with myself in a way that slowly but surely fucked me up in a very different way#I still struggle. some days are easier than others#but I'm still doing it.#being sober doesn't magically solve all my other issues but I don't spiral as much as I used to.#i don't think I'll ever be someone people can be around. which is like i don't blame people. i know how i am and how fucking difficult it is#to deal with that. the fear of abandonment that makes me push people away until they leave. the self-fulfilling prophesy of it all#the way i push and when i get the result i was expecting the immediate pull the fear and irrationality#the emotional disreggulation the self-pity#it's gotten better since i stopped drinking. less frequently and all that... but it's never gone not really#sometimes i think about the what could've beens.#what if my childhood went a little differently. what if my dad was there for me when i needed him. what if i wasn't me.#my ex best friend once told me that I'm to desperate to be saved. that nobody can do that anyway.#I'm not sure if I'd deserve it anyway. i have dreams in which I'm still me still dark and ugly and selfish and cruel at times#but i am trying i like to believe that i am already trying. i am. I'm just scared that it'll never be enough.#I'm not proud of many things but I'm 1 year and 3 months sober#only a few days and it's gonna be 1 year and 4 months#i didn't achieve much in my life but I'm here and i am trying every day i am trying and i hope on day it'll be enough#i hope one day i won't cause pain but build something good#sorry... I've just been thinking about it lately#because it is an achievement and i didn’t let myself be proud of how far I've come#alex talks#I'm still scared that people will look at me differently when they know... sometimes i feel like they can see the my rotten core anyway#to delete
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triglycercule · 15 days
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guys i havent written since may (for killer's birthday) but stupid silly swapinverse has been on my mind for a little bit and i threw together this silly (he has a panic attack and throws up) little short draft 4 swapinverse horror!!
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“hah… ah… oh god… no, no, nonono…”
he ran. sprinted through the forest like a frightened deer, his demeanor that of prey, although his previous actions aligned more of a predator. panting and shaking, his mind cycled through countless variations of how to react to what just happened, what he just did.
how should he react? how could he react? it was impossible to tell for him in the panicked state. and as the trees in snowdin slowly began to surround him (but weren't they always doing that?), paranoia couldn't run anymore. he was surrounded, he was blocked off, he couldn't escape. not from horrortale, not from snowdin, not from the dusty graveyard he had just left it, and not from the blood smeared across his mouth.
“no, i- what did, what did i do? paps, snowdin, even-undick, no, it-”
paranoia’s incoherent rambles brought his hands to wander across his face, tugging at the massive hole in his skull spanning majority of the left side of his head. picking at the chipped bone didn't help, it never did, but a nervous habit was unbreakable, and he was more than nervous in this moment. in fact, quite terrified. everything was terrifying. he was terrifying. and as the slightest hint of red blood touched his sleeve, the once red, now magenta eye quickly locked onto it, and he couldn't hold it back anymore.
“fuck- oh god, no, aliza-!”
falling to his knees, a disgustingly gorey mess of red, pink, and black spilled from his mouth. sounds of retching and hurling were all that filled the empty forest, and paranoia couldn't bear to look down and see the mess he’d made. the mess he’s caused. wasted food, he would've said. but that statement normally only applied to others. he never imagined using it on himself. choking on his spit and certainly not his blood, tears fell from his eye, joining the vomit and blood seeping into the snow. strange. paranoia didn't think he had enough magic to even shed tears anymore. just for the bare necessities. he managed to surprise even himself, after all this time.
but could it be could be considered surprise, or rather terror? he fit up to his name, certainly horrified at his own actions. forcing out as much of the grossness he could that he’d just consumed, paranoia couldn't help but look down at what he’d done.
red. a lot of red. too much red. he’d never been queasy before, never. he had to adapt to it, being the one to hunt down humans that ran or sneak up on those when times got desperate. there was no time or need to be queasy at what he even considered his job before. a duty he had to do.
but now, there was too much red. far too much red. and he didn't know why, although he totally knew, but paranoia couldn't stomach it. he just threw his guts out (shouldn't they be aliza’s guts, or no?), and here he was, wanting to throw up until his SOUL shattered. his SOUL cycled through those strange 4 shapes, unsure of which to settle on. he couldn't blame it. paranoia himself was unsure of what was even going on anymore. he wanted to run, but was frozen. he wanted to scream, but didn't know who at.
everything was contradicting. everything was going on, and not enough was given for paranoia to understand how to deal with it. and with a muttered curse, he flopped on his side onto the somehow dry snow, losing consciousness in the haze of fear now intermingled with his SOUL.
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ik theres probably grammar mistakes i wrote this on my phone,,,, but like idk. had idea for a little moment in paranoia's lore and i sure as hell didn't wanna draw it so i wrote it as an easier media! god this is so much easier compared to drawing idk why i dont do this more often (because youre lazy silly!) anyways swapinverse silly i love swapinverse. i've only thrown up like never so i dont know if this works. also never had a panic attack (i think) and AGAIN i dont know if this is accurate but whatever i dont write to be good i write for expressing my ideas. like everything i do
#i might do another 4 savior and mania??? who knows#i feel like i cannot talk about the others in swapinverse unless i fully finish viceser and crash#and also thalia and melpomene are just too intertwined with multiverse lore that if#i make stuff about them it must be after i finish the swapinverse multiverse and lore and stuff#but mst are kinda seperated from that thing. none of the murder swap trio have anything to do with multiverse#so i can write about them just in their sole universes ans itll be ok#since ive already finished everything about them and their aus#aside from figuring out how theyll join the mv wifh the rest of the swapinverse fellas#i only had swapinverse on mind because i wanted to draw mst poly#i think thats the first time i've ever uttered that phrase. mstpoly. murder swap trio poly#damn...... i really should work on swapinverse more#this is ngl sooo not so ugh i feel like idk. could be cooler could be better#just that it feels kinda like word vomit. not really anything of substance#but ngl thats kinda just how i write sooo idk what i expected#i just get myself into the mindset and mind and write everything i think#my shitty form of method acting! 😇😇😇#guys i made a new friend are you proud of me. it wasn't in school tjo#it was in my art class. i feel like they dont use she/her but idk anything else so ill just stick to they from now#object show fan. also phighting whatever the fuck that is. like an alternate universe version of me#i really shouldnt say that when we've only been friends ish for 2 days. but like theyre kinda similar to me#i think? i dont know. ngl i havent even asked their name yet in case they have another they'd prefer#or pronouns or anything like that i just havent gotten a chance to do so#for some reason we talk like we've been friends for years which is really weird to me. is it just a them thing?#bc ive never spoken to someone like that so openly before its kinda weird ngl. i actually got to speak about my utmv interest which was coo#i think. idk they dont seem that interested which fair. but i sent a paragraph about the mtt and they said tldr and it made me feel ngl sad#because like.... idk..... i tried watching some of the object shows they recommended and they seemed to enjoy that#but then when i recommend underverse or talk about mtt they don't really match my enthusiasm.... which ok thats fair i dont mind that#but it does make me sad. whatever..... whatever ill deal with it. maybe ill keep watching some of these shows they recommended#so i can have something of interest that they like that i can bring up incase they get bored or me or something#tricule write
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fuzzyunicorn · 1 month
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Have the lil Satanists reached their breaking point yet? If not read my tags below
#hahahahahaha prepare 2 reach n re-reach it again & again & again in my Forest as I heal n resurrect u 2 b tortures some more#is the suspense too much??? HAHAHAHAHAHA#do u dumb fucks wanna know y the waiting period keeps getting dragged out?? it’s bc u stupid cunts have subscribed 2 the logic of our hole#we dug is so deep there’s no way @fuzzyunicorn can get us in anymore trouble than we’re already in so let’s keep digging we’ve come this fa#HAHAHAHAHAHA oh noooo no no that poor logic won’t do at all the ante not only ups n ups w the more crimes u lil running dumb scared Satanis#commit#but u also get punished 4 ur ill thoughts so we the Divine r using absolutely everything agaisnt u all there is no cap to ur punishments we#up the severity as u dumb cunts keep doing so we’ll follow suit if u all truly wanted to not increase ur punishments stop#the only way to stop racking up ur karma is to stop not buy keep blowing it out the wazoo in my Forest unlike Hell I don’t have to do manua#labor 2 tortue u like the demons have to I have real Magick & know how to harness & wield it so for instance I can make a decapitation last#4 literal eons & each second that goes by it gets more n more painful & my magick prevents u from passing out unconscious from the pain it#just keeps climbing & I also have magick to mute ur cries of agony so u can’t do nerfin while I can do literally anything I please so pleas#keep giving me more n more reasons 2 up my ante bc I can’t up my ante until u stupid fucks do#so hmm think lil Satanists if everything u do comes back to u at least times 3 & u’ve been using this planet that u think is yours 4 nigh#300 million years so multiply that by 3 & to after that we have to factor in each tiny detail of ur crimes so my oh my ur gonna b swaying#in my Forest for at least the multiplied amount u’ve fucked around here + all of ur crimes & the crimes ur fellow Satanists committed yep u#all like in the military will answer not only 4 ur OWN crimes but also each n every single one of ur brethren (gender neutral) so @ the lil#Satanists who only did one thing hahahahaha guess whatie?? u will answer for every misdeed & ill thought committed n thought by your#comrades so no ur not safe bc u did 1 thing by our logic u did not just do one thing & if this Satanic mess has been playing out 4 close 2#300 million years on this planet alone uhhh that’s a fuck ton of crimes committed & guess WHAT ELSE?? since this isn’t the only planet u#lil Satanists quote on quote conquered & there’s 40 not 9 planets in this solar system alone & there’s more galaxies u did the same thing t#is all being factored into the tally of ur punishments 😭😂 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOO WHAT A TIME 2 B ALIVE
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seventh-district · 3 months
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i ​also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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martinskiseyes · 3 months
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i wish my only response to a conflict wasn't giving up
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topaziraphale · 11 months
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dear god my last post is NOT getting the reception I thought it would butttt maybe that's on me I guess I didnt clarify a few things. and I messed up at the very end. oops. I'd be replying already if I didnt feel like I got run over by a truck for pulling an all nighter and then not napping🧍‍♂️
#nooooooo the point of my post was just to let crowley change his behavior due to the circumstances not to#demonize aziraphale and play Trauma Olympics and compare his experience to crowley's#they both went through a completely different kind of pain it's literally so not fucking fair to compare that#idk how to make it clear that they BOTH went through DIFFERENT traumatic experiences that has caused lasting psychological damage#to the point that it has completely warped and distorted how they view/treat themselves#let alone how they'll allow themselves to feel for each OTHER#trying to leave a cult that has damaged you to this extent is already difficult enough - but aziraphale found the#strength to do it#what DIDN'T he get that's so crucial afterward?#security#what's 4 years to 6 thousand?#he barely had a moment to breathe before heaven was intruding into his safe home he made for himself AGAIN#what was he supposed to just automatically heal? was he supposed to just not go through the withdrawl of#leaving the group that had convinced him that he was only safe and truly good with THEM?#i gotta retract my statement in the post to be fair - actually‚ we CAN blame heaven for the most part#they preyed on aziraphale's moment of vulnerability and he got sucked RIGHT back in. full relapse.#withdrawl from leaving a cult has been shown to be eerily similar to substance use withdrawl#''TELL ME YOU SAID NO... Aziraphale... We're better than that‚ YOU'RE better than THAT!''#literally the exact words you say to someone who has just succumbed to a relapse bro.#aziraphale is regressing. gah.#i'll add more to the post tomorrow probably#inb4 someone goes ''noooo you're excusing aziraphale treating crowley like shit!!''#dear god no i am not. i am EXPLAINING WHY he does it and why he has been conditioned to believe that that behavior is okay#i literally WANT crowley to be upset with him i made that so goddamn clear fkdkdjskfkskfk#alright night night i'll be back later#derpy speaks#not queued#might delete later
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melissa-titanium · 1 year
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group oroject im on with two people i wanna befriend really bad is almost over. sits down pat;ethically
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arcaneyouth · 5 months
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it is So Weird how working on my comic makes me feel like i have more free time. and gives me more free time. logically, working on 3 comic pages a week would mean i have Less Time. but no. despite everything, i'm getting more done and able to use my time better now that i'm working on comic pages again. what the hell is up with that.
#it's probably the structure and routine tbh i've been doing this for 6 years#i feel way less stressed about all the stuff i have to do than the 2 months i wasn't working on the comic#and arguably i have more to do now!!!!!#there's just so many little things that working on my comic helps me with. vital part of my daily and weekly structure#1) gives me a Main Goal to focus on every week and it's a goal that i know is achievable#2) gives me things to do almost every day that i am able to get started on right away and then will have free time later when i'm done#3) on days i'm not working on it i feel more comfortable doing things for fun or completing smaller tasks#4) because it's a weekly schedule i actually know what day it is now. completely lost track of the days before. made me really scared tbh#5) actually allows me to relax. the way i make pages means it's a lil bit mindless half the time. which is nice#i spent most of the last 2 months when i wasn't making comic in bed. because i had nothing else to do#now i am not doing that! because even when i'm not working on pages i have the motivation to do things!#this is an ironic post to make when i've spent like 6-7 hours today just playing fathomverse#but that's the thing!!!! instead of hating myself for doing that i still feel like i can get shit done!#also i already knew all this about making comics and how i function but. man idk how to put this#i spent the last 2 months struggling to do fucking Anything#and it was after i was so sure i could handle taking a break from the comic#and it was after lots of people have told me i need to put the comic down and get a job#or do anything that isn't making a comic#i have been working on the comic again for 9 days. and already everything feels more manageable#i literally Need to have projects like this. if i dont i will lose my mind. nobody tell me i need to do other things with my life ever agai
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iiscpr · 6 months
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more bullshit
#this is such a good way to spend my time Im so fucking busyyyy#this also actually made me realise that its the second time ive drawn denmark as patrick/christian bale and its like. well its true but im#insane also#ive been wanting to do the fernanfloo meme for 50 years though because that most litearlly is already his outfit#but well anyways i got to give him a spiffy alternative fancy outfit that im kind of obsessed with#it may be that he doesnt have his stupid headband for 5 minutes or the bullet wound swagger but well i like him#litearlly no body is going to understand the context of the first meme until like. 6 volumes of my comic come out im crazy#well whatever. its for me ok.#i should have been working on my berserk drawing but instead.#my ranting#do you guys understand how long it took me to find the christian bale image without the goth bugs bunny i wanted to kill myself#then all i had to do was google ''christian bale so cunty'' and the second image on google was the fucking post...like goddd#''why is denmark in heaven'' well because the inbetween is all clouds so the backgrounds always are white please pleaspelaplseplease#i know i backed myself into a cornerrr thereee but pleaseee#Pleaseee#with that logic he should also be wearing completely white clothes unless theyre his normal outfit but i figured that would look Really Wei#Weird so i didnt do it#im aware no one cares and im inflicting these rules upon myself ok well the illness#...which is why i also tried to fit kyles binder beneath the dress which he would never wear bc of the dysphoria but i figured ok well. idk#the binder was built into the dress or something idk idk dont think about it too hard#''dont think about it too hard'' is the hardest thing 4 me. well i will think about it soo hard unfrotuantely#its 5 am#my art#kyle batillo#denmark newman#kar#it feels really weird to draw the 2 of them without ilya there. its like going to a hotel without the cuck chair.#like wheres my beautiful third wheel scowling in the background#cady will you tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back OK SORRY i should rewatch meangirls. for the millionth time#sad you cant see his giant gauges bc hair is covering but just remmeber theyre there k drew them.....
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daffypsyduck · 9 months
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#i fucking hate always being the one who has it worse than others#it alienates on so many fucking levels#you don’t have the energy to meet up with people bc you’ve had to solve already seven different life altering problems that week#as if you’re on a magic quest#oh and four of those you can’t do anything about bc world politics or finances or societal problems etc#the other three resurfaced some other things you already felt bad about four years ago and could never get rid off in your head#and then of course when people ask you how your xyz was and you either just shrug and lie and give the expected answer#or you tell them the truth how horrible this holiday was or how that thing everyone is supposed to enjoy was actually not possible for you#bc see above#of course ppl will also tell you their problems#but you won’t be able to help thinking ‘okay and…?’ bc quite honestly ppl are complaining about wild shit#where either the solution is ‘do something about it’ or it’s not actually more than a minor complaint in the first place#which leads to the dreaded gap of me thinking ‘i can’t believe you are complaining to me about that when you know i struggle w xyz’#‘and have been for 4 years. it has no future of getting fixed btw itll just always be like that why are you complaining about this bs to me’#or the other person finally remembering like. compatibility of certain issues and they just finish with#‘of course that‘s not half as bad as it is for you’#which they will start hating you for at some point definitely btw#bc they never get to complain about their little life which i understand#but like. i didn‘t choose this y’know#oh and btw they will still hold you up to their standards always#didn‘t clean your flat? didn’t fill out those documents in time? don’t have your life on track?#well that is clearly your fault#and has nothing to do w the circumstances that keeps them from rightly complaining about their own little problems to you#i’m so tired of it it’s so tiring i’m so exhausted#like girl i wish it was easier for me too y’know i’m not doing this for fun#barely holding on as is and then you have to take everyone’s little hurt feelings into account too#bc they’ll also judge you as negative nancy if you have nothing good to say when they ask you how it’s going#‘no one likes a negative attitude’ yeah i’m aware. i live this daily as i struggle to get by. thanks#.txt
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