#how to make training fun: the Jake and Amy edition

[amydancepants-peralta]

Jake getting adventurous and sneaking a vibrator into Amys underwear and she has to sit through an interview as he toys with her

Ok so I tweaked this a little and this came out of nowhere but I really love the idea of this so ... find it under the cut! 🙊

He waits until she’s well into reciting the third paragraph of Subsection Eight before running his thumb over the button in his pocket, pressing once to keep the device at its lowest speed.  

To her credit, there is only the slightest falter in her voice, short enough to be considered a tickle in her throat by anyone other than him, and he takes great pleasure in knowing that while the tickle does exist, it is actually much further down.  

He keeps the vibration on low for the rest of her speech - subtle enough for Amy to be aware of its existence, not quite strong enough to gain anything more than heightened senses.  Alternates between the on and off button once her part is over, tampering the urge to smile as she keeps her gaze steadily focused on the boardroom in front of her, clearly refusing to break the facade that everything isn’t Completely Normal.   

Her hand lands with a quiet slap on his inner thigh fifteen minutes later as the vibrator begins moving steadily at full speed, and he’s pretty sure he’s got this win in the bag.  

It had all started out as an idle bet (admittedly, like a lot of their shenanagoogles do) - an attempt to make what had threatened to be a boring day into something far more interesting.  The dangling carrot of a glowing evaluation had led to Jake signing up for the next HR seminar - this one being held at another precinct downtown - and Amy, after such a stellar display of preparation at the nine-nine’s turn, had been invited back to show off her ‘impressively professional portfolio of knowledge on the topic’.

(He’s pretty sure that detail alone had turned Amy on before their bet had even started, but that was just an added benefit.)

The Lock-n-Play panty vibe was a relatively new addition to their repertoire - among the few items recently purchased from their preferred sex shop - but one that was quickly becoming their favourite, if only for it’s handy magnetic tabs that kept the vibe in place (because really, is there any universe where Amy Santiago isn’t a massive fan of a well-placed set of tabs?).  

She had been halfway through casually mentioning (read: straight-up bragging) her quoted professional manner as they got dressed this morning when the idea had come to Jake, the toy’s remote still sitting on his dresser from it’s weekend workout and catching his eye as he reached for his watch.  He hadn’t ever thought that she’d actually go through with it - which is on him, really, because his wife rarely steps down from a challenge - and mentioned it merely as a passing joke until he noticed the spark of interest in his wife’s eyes, and realised that there was a chance that this could actually happen.

The conversation was quick: their terms clear.  Amy would wear the vibe in her underwear, with Jake having sole possession of the remote.  He could activate it anytime he liked, as long as he adhered to the kill sign (three quick squeezes of his wrist) if actioned, and the only thing Amy had to do was not break her Professional Sergeant at a Seminar role.  If Jake won, he got to choose their movies for the next two weeks.  If victory went to Amy, he had to eat a salad for lunch every single day for a fortnight.

(There would also be the added benefit of nightly foot rubs, but given the baby that was currently growing in his wife’s uterus, nightly massages were kind of a given.)  

The stakes weren’t necessarily high, but both of them loved to win; and Jake would be straight-up lying if he didn’t admit that just the idea of his wife secretly being buzzed to climax in a boardroom full of strangers didn’t turn him on more than a little.  

From his position at the front of the room, Andrew The Presenter switches over to non-verbal communications, and for no reason other than sheer curiosity Jake switches the vibrator into it’s highest mode, biting the inside of his cheek as Amy’s shoulders jump in surprise.

It only takes a minute before she shifts forward in her chair, resting on her elbows before wriggling slightly in her seat; and to anybody that cared to pay attention to her and Jake’s position at the back of the room it would have looked like nothing more than a restless woman waking up her limbs.  But Jake knew better - knew that the tip of the vibe raised slightly, ergonomically designed to cup a woman’s clit in all the right ways - and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Amy was maximising the opportunity for pleasure while it lasted.  

He gives her another twenty seconds, waiting until the wriggling seems to have stopped before pressing the off button once again, not even pretending to ignore the exasperated look she throws him from over her shoulder.  He gives her a wink, to which she responds with a roll of her eyes, and he is always going to be in love with what they have together.  

She pulls him aside during the coffee break, leading him down an unfamiliar hallway into a stationery supply cupboard (her knowledge of its presence, he assumes instinctual); pulling him in for a hungry kiss as soon as she hears the lock click into place.  Their makeout session is hurried and passionate - the kind of teeth-gnashing, body-pawing kisses you give each other when you know there’s not enough time for what you really crave - and as they move to return back to the group he offers her the chance to call off the bet, no questions asked.  (The foot rubs after all, were already a given, and he’s pretty sure that stack of green stuff they put on top of nachos counted as a salad.)  But she stops in her tracks, eyes blazing as she presses a hand to his chest and gives her answer in no uncertain terms: 

Don’t you dare stop.

It’s the clear arousal in her voice that keeps Jake from activating the vibrator again for another forty minutes, waiting until a slideshow on Something Boring begins playing before sliding his hands back into the pockets of his hoodie, sliding his thumb casually over the power button and slowly working the vibe back up to it’s previous level.  

Her hand lands back on his upper thigh after another few minutes, the grip tightening slightly when he presses the button again, and he takes his hand out his hoodie, grabbing her wrist and moving it towards his own - a silent reminder that he’ll stop in an instant, if she only asked.  But she wriggles her hand out of his grasp, returning to the previous position, leaning back in her chair in what completely fails to be a casual pose.  Her fingers creep towards his inner thigh, a movement that undoubtedly brings his growing hard-on to her attention, and she leans forwards again to let out a shaky breath.   

The high level buzzing is quietly audible through her uniform now, perhaps more noticeable because his imagination wants it to be, and her ribs begin to expand and contract at a steady pace.  

Jake knows that if he keeps this up, Amy is absolutely going to climax - perhaps too far into the sensations the vibrations were giving to realise that she would be doing so in the middle of a seminar - but he also knows that his beautiful wife is not quiet when she comes.  It’s one of the many (many) things he loves about her; the clear display of unbridled passion that courses through her, the way her voice tends to shake a little as she calls out his name - or yes, or fuck, or a combination of the above.  

But she hasn’t given the signal, and there is a good portion of his blood that is most definitely not pumping through his brain anymore, and so he obeys the silent instruction, and keeps his finger on the increase button.

She excuses herself a few minutes later, standing quickly and offering an apologetic smile, pointing to her growing baby bump as the reason for nature calling.  Her boots tap quickly across the tiled floor as she exits, head ducked down low to convey the urgency of her steps (a movement that he is certain is not an act).  

He waits another couple of minutes before switching off the vibe, hoping the remote holds enough range; and his phone buzzes shortly after, the notification on his locked screen telling him that Babe ♥️ has just sent him an image.  And while he’s absolutely bursting at the seams to unlock and look, he also knows that it will most certainly lead to a wet patch on the front of his jeans, and there really is no coming back from that.

And so he trains his attention back to the Manual of Boredom in front of him, reading through various scenarios involving Employee A and Colleague D, all the while trying desperately to get his mind to focus on arithmetic … asparagus … Scully’s foot fungus … all the genuinely unsexy things in life.  His phone vibrates again, another text from his wife causing his mind to nearly implode, and time has somehow completely come to a standstill.  

Amy leans in to kiss his cheek when she returns, using the closeness of her position to whisper in his ear just how hard she’d just come, and Jake absolutely needs this seminar to end now - right now, please oh god, end now.  

It takes another hour before they have a lunch break - a solid hour of Jake running through a breakdown of all Transformers - Autobots, Dinobots and Decepticons inclusive - and when Amy finally stands, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the parking lot he follows willingly, by now completely unable to contain a gigantic smile from taking over his face.

She drives their car up to the very top of the garage, parking in an empty spot right at the edge of the otherwise abandoned section before sliding over the gears and settling onto his lap.  Her nimble fingers find the lever to the side, dropping the seat’s backing towards the rear, his zipper descending just as quickly.  

It doesn’t last long - both of them way too close to the edge for it to be anything but quick - but by the time they need to head back to the seminar it’s fairly safe to say that Jake no longer has a hangup about having sex in a car in a garage.  

She packs a salad for his lunch the following morning, pulling him in for a longer-than-normal kiss as he lets out a defeated sigh, and while Jake knows that while he technically lost the bet, they both got to have some pretty great orgasms yesterday and really, how could that ever be considered a loss?

(and when he receives an email a year later, reminding him of an upcoming refresher course on HR, he absolutely sets up a plan to raise the stakes for Sexy Seminar, version 2.0.)

[haztobegood]

11/11/11 tag

I was tagged by the amazing @pattern-pals who had the most lovely questions 💗 my answers and new questions are under the cut.

I tag @runaway-train-works @jacaranda-bloom @forreveries @nauticalleeds @nympholouis @lightwoodsmagic @thebearsring @always-aqua @allwaswell16 @reminiscingintherain @13ways-of-looking

1. When do you use memories in your writing and when does that feel too fragile or dangerous?

I use personal experiences very sparingly in my fic. Most of the time this is just because my fics are crazy AUs. The only time I’ve put a lot of my own experience into a fic it was a more serious story and it really difficult and painful to write. But the relief of finishing it and being happy with the result was rewarding.

2. I’ve stopped writing a WIP because I realised that I’m still processing the main theme I’m writing about. Do you find it easier to write about what’s on your mind or about something you’ve already had time to reflect on?

I could never post wip fics. I’m constantly jumping around and developing the plot as I write and tend to add a lot of the connecting details while editing a first draft.

3. Which of the five senses is most important to you to describe in what setting?

I love playing with sound in stories. I use a lot of onomatopoeia to set the scene. It adds more depth and reality to the world that the characters are living in.

4. What scene would you love to go back to and change?

I would try to rewrite some of the banter in Fixing to Thrill. I was really trying to capture a cheeky suggestive mood between Louis and Harry in one of the scenes but really struggled with it. I am happy with the way it ended up, but with more writing experience now it might have turned out better.

5. What scene are you most proud of? Why?

I am really proud of the scene in Making Waves where Louis starts to remember. I had a few different options for how to write this scene, including the way it’s done in the movies, but I managed to put my own spin on the story and allowed me to create the ending I wanted for the characters without being a carbon copy of the movies.

6. What story of yours would you most like to read as a graphic novel?

Fixing to Thrill has the most beautiful scenery in my mind. I didn’t spend a lot of time developing the scenery because it’s a shorter fic, but in my mind it’s very warm and summery with saturated tones. It takes place in the countryside at an old farmhouse while Louis fixes up a car. There’s a lot of details in the story that would be fun to see drawn out.

7. Is there something you feel like you can’t write into fic? Whether you fear others would find it #problematic or it’d be too personal for you?

I don’t pay much attention to what others might read, as I’m mostly writing for myself. But there are some squicky things like huge age differences or power imbalance that I wouldn’t want to add to my fics.

8. What have you learned about writing or yourself since starting your latest story?

I love developing original characters in long fics. My current wip is the second long fic I’ve ever written. The first one was the Overboard au so the characters were pre-defined. The new wip is original and I was able to build the characters into the story based on the prompt. It’s been really fun to explore their motives and backstories as the plot develops and I can’t wait to see where their stories end up!

9. What would I have to read to understand the way you think about love?

These aren’t books, because for some reason I’m drawing a blank on every book I’ve ever read but I’d say New Girl and Brooklyn 99. Nick and Jess and Jake and Amy are both couples with relationships that stared with friendship and are really caring.

10. What fic has made you cry recently?

Promise in the Sky by @hazzabeeforlou

11. Which fic would you want to write fic of?

I’d go with probably WAU or LIARB. I love both fics because they have such unique characters and situations. It would be fun to see what happens Also, I once wrote a headcanon for TMITS and how I hoped the fic would end since it was never finished, which kinda counts.

Here’s 11 new questions:

Do you find it hard to write the first sentence of your story?

Do you prefer to write in past or present tense?

What tools and programs do you use while writing?

Has one of your characters ever surprised you?

Is there any story you want to write but feel like you won’t manage?

What is your favorite thing you’ve learned while researching for a fic?

What is your normal planning process for new fics?

How do you choose fic titles?

Do you prefer to post wips or complete the fic before posting?

Describe one of your wips that you’re excited about.

Which one of your fics that you think deserves more love?

[hotelsweet]

HI and thank you so so so much if you got involved in this!!!! I’m so excited to be celebrating 1.5k w you guys and can’t wait to dish out some of these lil prizes <3

u guys I’ve had so much fun doing this and I’ve legit sat here for HOURS going through everyone’s blogs and tags and I’m just so,,,, in love,,, this fandom is amazing and u guys are so gorgeous and amazing! I’ve been whining at @peraltiagoisland​ all day about how much I want to include everyone and shower u all in compliments and just!!! I’m so blown away tbh  A QUICK REMINDER OF THE PRIZES WINNERS:  - a big personalised playlist from me to u (u kno how I love my tunes) - a follow from me if I’m not followin u (duh) - a mention here!! - a b99 fic from me if u want it!!! any prompt ya like - hugs and love obvs

RUNNERS UP: - a lil personal playlist from me to u - also a follow if I’m not already - also hugs and love - and a lil mention here <3

if you’ve won/are a runner up please message me so we can talk and I’ll get started on your stuff! i’m so excited to talk to a bunch of you and give u music and writing agh <3

OKAY WITHOUT FURTHER ADO (I have added notes in italics bc I am just so excited and amazed by u guys)

BEST SMALLER BLOG (a very important category bc I actually do not understand how these people don’t have thousands of ppl following them??)

WINNER: @the-pontiac-bandit​ OKAY let me tell you about carrie and her blog. I spent a solid 60 mins reading her amazing writing and admiring her theme and then I checked her reblog and she had the #under500 tag and I yelled. not kidding. like an actual noise left my mouth because HOW THIS GIRL DOES NOT HAVE A CULT FOLLOWING I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. FOLLOW HER RUNNERS UP: @theartofdreaming1​ aka Vicky who is the sweetest person and SUCH a talented artist!!! @khwabonkeparindey​ anna’s blog is so adorable and maybe it’s bc I’m type A but the layout of her navigation actually turned me on a little bit oh my LORD it’s beautiful and so well-organised @two-drink-amy​ I was only gonna have two runners up for this category but nicole and everything about her blog is so sweet!!

BEST URL WINNER: @jake-purealta​ not only does tash seem incredibly lovely BUT this url is so perfect and well-fitting!!! I feel like, given her obsession w Tswift, it fits beautifully well with jake’s obsession too??? everything about it clicks I love it RUNNERS UP: @roscoesantangelo​ because I mean!!!!! you’ve scored the perfect url of jorma taccone’s character in parks and rec!!!? like damn good on u my guy  @amysantiagone​ okay I wont lie this one is for personal reasons- although I happen to absolutely love Nate’s blog- bc for some reason the url reminds me of when u get super drunk and describe urself as “gone” (a v popular phrase here in the UK) and as a result I just picture drunk Amy whenever I see ur URL

BEST EDITS WINNER: @juliadorable​ RIGHT OKAY SO JULIA (julia) is one of these people I’ve always wanted to chat to bc she seems amazing but what I absolutely love about her edits & gifs is that she picks/ creates posts for some of the most underappreciated moments in the show!!! I love em and this blog is a blessing thank u sm RUNNERS UP: @jakeperallta​ aka @deepshadows​ !!! look at these edits immediately oh my god they are actually incredible and so creative!!! i’m not worthy!! fam I love ur edits so much thank u for providing me w this goodness <3 follow alexa immediately on both blogs seriously @brown-aces​ I won’t lie I’m not sure if these count as edits but I legit couldn’t not include you because of THE INCORRECT QUOTES TAG. this is legit one of my fave things and ur posts never fail to make me chuckle

BEST GIFS WINNER: @fourdrinkamy​ okay so not only is Emma gorgeous, talented, super clever and just all-around marvellous BUT her gifs are like... so good they’re satisfying? like I spent a good half hour just scrolling and admiring ‘em RUNNERS UP: @amesantiagos​ okay this girl has such an eye for colour and aesthetic I’m not kidding everything just looks so Good!! like I adore her stuff to the point where I followed her on insta too (hi Amy I’m darcey_wm if ur wondering where I am) bc it just looks so damn good @sergeant-santiago​ I’m just.... like.... shooketh..... I’ll get back to this later

BEST FICS (oh my god what a category I legit could NOT pick someone lol this was painful bc u guys write the best shit)  WINNER: @elsaclack​ this feels a little obvious/predictable of me bc I’ve rambled about em’s stuff before but Dear Fucking God can this woman write. her fics and the way they had me laughing/crying/glued to my phone are the reason I  RUNNERS UP: @peraltiagoisland​ MICHELLE aka the love of my life KNOWS HOW TO KILL ME NO MATTER THE TIME NOR PLACE dear god I recommend so hard,,,, jump in and give the drama club au a spin trust me u won’t regret it  @jakelovesamy​ oh my god okay so let me tell u. let me TELL U i did not realise that this gorgeous girl was on AO3 but then I clicked over from her blog and it all came flooding back once I recognised her handle!!! I recommend u go and read ‘and all my world is losing light’ bc it’s gorgeous @oceanvirus​ again I didn’t mean to have three runners up but I had to bc I’m just..... a piece of shit lol BUT ANYWAY please please go and read Bella’s stuff I love it so much

BEST ICON WINNER: @brown-aces​ GIRL THIS ICON FITS THE THEME SO WELL AND ALSO IT’S THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE ROSA LOOKIN FIERCE so obvs I’m obsessed  RUNNERS UP: @jakelovesamy​ bc it’s adorable and I adore it @three-drink-amy​ bc it’s my beautiful, smiling boy,,,, grinning at this wonderful blog

BEST DESKTOP THEME WINNER: @smolsamberg​ okay kara’s blog is gorgeous anyway (go follow!!!) but this theme is fuckin funky as shit??? navigating it genuinely felt like operating the sexiest lil website on earth and for that I am grateful RUNNERS UP: @bastillebananas​ this theme is FUCKING ADORABLE not kidding I love it omg I had so much fun w it (also hi fellow fan of bastille!! I’m seein ‘em this summer at a festival exciting) @amesantiagos​ this theme is so cute oh my lord (almost as cute as the wonderful Amy who runs this blog!!! seriously it’s just so wonderful and satisfying and Good Choice my guy I love it (and u)

BEST MOBILE THEME WINNER: @swansongcas​ MATE omg your blog is so satisfying and blue and just like.. sexy to look at so well done my guy!!! also helps that I adore ur blog in general but omg is it aesthetically pleasing RUNNERS UP: @oceanvirus​ bella your mobile theme is almost as sexy as u ;) x (I’m sorry if that was creepy I promise it was well-intended) @two-drink-amy​ okay this is partially bc of the adorable icon but mostly bc of the theme and I just... it’s so bright and sweet and honestly just reminds me of my joyous response to every b99 episode ever WHEW OKAY SO BEFORE WE DO THE BEST OVERALL BLOG,,,, I WANNA JUST THROW A FEW SURPRISE SUPERLATIVES / FUN CATEGORIES 

this is also gonna include some honourable mentions bc I am supported by some brilliant people and also bc not everyone I wanted to put in on here I could??? which is crazy so:

A big round of applause to the X-drink Amy crew who I see all the time and firmly believe should all be led by the adorable @full-santiago​ ?? like a little clan of Amy-themed URLs: @two-drink-amy​ / @three-drink-amy​ / @fourdrink-amy​ / @fourdrinkamy​ / @fivedrinksantiago​ / @six-drink-amy​ (I’m sure there’s more of you out there but these came to mind and I want u all to form a band or something)

A big fat shout out to emily aka @jakefreakingperalta​ who!!! made these valentines cards that I used this year for my friends but never knew the source of!!! another example of the funny and amazing ppl I follow here

an honourable mention for the amazing @tiadorable​ whose comments on my first works on AO3 (and my more recent stuff, too!) made me smile and motivated me so much <3 now for some superlatives!! follow these people rn!!! and if ur here please feel free to come ask me to write or make anything for u ever I love u 

most likely to lure me onto the sin train and never look back: my girl erica aka @startofamoment.... can u believe.... the creativity and the happiness/giggles this lady brings me 

most likely to literally ruin my fucking life thru writing: obviously em?? aka @elsaclack. I appreciate this is a fairly harsh title but dear god the things u could make me feel?????? also a brilliant woman i love u

most likely to always have complete faith in me, chat to me constantly, make me smile, & constantly be a complete angel w a heart of gold and amazing writing: @peraltiagoisland. need I say any more????

OKAY so the big 1:

BEST OVERALL BLOG RUNNERS UP: everyone who reblogged my first post. not a cop out. not kidding. u guys are amazing WINNER: @sergeant-santiago​  okay okay okay let me tell u about this blog. everything from content to quality stuck out to me when I was looking through everything for the blog awards and I was just completely blown away and in awe??? this girl is perfection and if you’re not following her blog then I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY get ur late ass over there bc u are missing the fuck out. I can’t stress this enough!!!!  alright!!! I think we’re about there!! thank you so much (again) for 1.5k. u guys are wonderful

[amaizemag]

17 Films That Are Turning 10

By Jessica Cabrera.

Happy Tuesday you guys! Hope everyone enjoyed their first week of May. Let's start with a movie list. More specifically movies that will be turning 10. It's crazy to think that 2007 was ten years ago when it feels more like 3. Gossip Girl premiered, Spice Girls had a reunion tour, Prince performed at the Super Bowl, the iPhone debuted and the final installment of Harry Potter hit bookshelves. It was a great year for pop culture and movies. So here are 17 films that are turning 10.

For those serious film-watcher who don't mess around with selecting a movie

Zodiac

The acting from the ensemble cast, Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr, is superb alongside David Fincher's direction with the film. It follows journalists and investigators on the hunt for the Zodiac Killer.

There Will Be Blood

Daniel Day Lewis. Paul Dano. Paul Thomas Anderson. If that's isn't enough to convince you then I suggest looking up “I drink your milkshake scene” and see how captivating Lewis can be.

No Country For Old Men

This has to be my favorite film on this list. NCFOM is a slow-paced film that features very violent scenes. Javier Bardem plays the most intimidating villains I have seen in a very long time. Did I mention he has a bowl cut. Regardless of his hair his performance is one you'll never forget. Many will call this film overrated but to each their own.

If you're into Fantasy films check out

300

THIS IS SPARTA!!! 300 is a fun film to watch for the slow-mo action scenes as well as the visuals. Having the cast in impeccable shape doesn't hurt.

Pan's Labyrinth

Guillermo Del Toro scared the heck out of me (and most likely you) with the creature who has his eyes in his palm. He's tall and naked and just creepy. It's a Spanish film so there will be subtitles.

For those looking for a good laugh

Hot Fuzz

How do I put this. It's a very British movie with British humor. Which is what makes this film work and a must-watch. The scene where our main character is reassigned to a country town in the middle of nowhere is my favorite scene. You feel like you're with the character at the train stop, in the train, feeling impatient to get to the location. It's good and quick editing.

Superbad

Everything about this film I love. The cast. McLovin. EVERYTHING!

The Darjeeling Limited

Ah Wes Anderson. How much I respect and love him and his films. Wes Anderson was the first director I remembered discovering on my own. Pretty much the same actors from his previous (and future) films but this time it takes place in a train to India.

Juno

Who would've thought that a comedy about a pregnant teenager would’ve work?!? Ellen Page does an excellent job as Juno. Ellen Page is the reason why this film works. Also the burger phone. Classic!

Knocked Up

My first Judd Apatow film I was introduced to. Another film where a female gets accidentally pregnant. Who knew pregnancy was so funny?!

Ratatouille

If you haven't seen this film then you're in for a treat. I remembered watching a sneak peek of this film before it was due out in theaters and was in love. It's a rat in Paris who can cook better then a chef. How original!

For those wanting to sing along

Enchanted

Amy Adams can do no wrong. She plays Princess Giselle who lands in modern day Manhattan due to the evil Queen Narissa sabotaging her wedding to Prince Edward. If only I could sing like Amy Adams.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

We go from a happy friendly musical to a dark and gory one. Sweeney Todd is the complete opposite of Enchanted. Violent, bloody, and dark Todd features a cast that Tim Burton usually casts- Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter as a murderous duo, Todd kills as Mrs. Lovett(Carter) bakes the remains into pies. This film features a young Jamie Campbell Bower as Anthony. My favorite song to sing along to is Bowers Johanna.

For those who are not afraid to cry

Under the Same Moon

From start to finish you will not stop crying. This movie made me realize how all the things I'm fortunate to have are due to my mothers hard-work. This films follow a young boy who lives in Mexico who runs away, after his grandmother dies, to reunite with his mother who migrated to California. This film is a Spanish film so be prepared to read subtitles.

Bridge to Terabithia

This film devastated me. Starring a young Josh Hutcherson and AnnaSophia Robb and Zooey Deschanel as a school teacher, this film made me realize that being a girl doesn't make you any less then a boy whether that being in sports, school, the arts, etc. Watch the scene where they have a race and Robb's character won first place. Also one of the character's death was one I was not expecting, I didn't read the book before watching this film.

Last but not least, the guilty pleasure films

Nancy Drew

The main reason for watching this film back in ‘07 was due to me having a crush on Max Thieriot. This film also features a young Emma Roberts. As a kid I read all the Nancy Drew books and while it didn't live up to my expectations, it's a decent film to watch if you want to escape for 90 mins.

Bee Movie

Yes this movie I would consider a guilty pleasure. The premise of this film involves a bee that plans on suing the human species due to us using their honey. Thankfully Netflix just released this film this year so I had to rewatch it due to not seeing this film in years. Go see it and see why the internet loves this film.

[krokodile]

movies watched in 2017:

the neon demon - a rewatch, and i loved being able to not have to try and figure out the story and just enjoy the movie with all its glorious beauty.  it’s throwback horror done flawlessly, while still being totally unique and impressively creative. 

roman - i love angela bettis as an actress, but less so as a director.  still, i don’t think this is meant to be the next great american classic (...wait, is lucky mckee actually canadian?)  i think it’s more of an experiment, and a successful one.  it held my interest and kept me guessing, and that’s enough.  editing could’ve cleaned up some things with picture and sound but maybe the roughness was intentional.

into the forest - such garbage.  emotionally manipulative dreck.  and make sure you shoehorn your anti-abortion message in there somewhere.  i always thought evan rachel wood would grow up to be a great actress, but whatever potential she had I’ve never seen fulfilled. 

arrival - remember how they remade the day the earth stood still a while back and it was utterly moronic?  THIS IS THE MOVIE THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE.  the sheer beauty of amy adams interacting with the creatures left tears in my eyes many times, and despite being equally heavy with the message, it left plenty of time and space for interesting, well-drawn characters.  throw in some fucking impressive storytelling and amy adams being her usual luminous self and there’s just nothing to not love in here.

the girl on the train - disappointing.  maybe my hopes were too high after seeing how great the gone girl adaptation was, but this story just didn’t work as well in a visual medium.  emily blunt tried her hardest, but this was the weakest performance i’ve seen from her to date.  

the 9th life of louis drax - i hated every single character so much, i couldn’t get invested in the story.  and even if i had, the resolution was glaringly obvious from the first voiceover.  oliver platt was the only tolerable performance. 

get out - i was expecting to like this movie, but i wasn’t prepared for HOW MUCH i liked it.  the 99% on rotten tomatoes made me expect a “message” film, and the more critics love those the more boring i tend to find them, but i was still pretty optimistic.  holy shit though, best movie i’ve seen in a LONG time.  people have already talked about what’s so great about it, far more eloquently than i could, but it’s pretty close to perfect.  and the performances are going to go down as some of the most immediately remembered and recognized in the horror genre.  a lot of the film’s success comes from daniel kaluuya’s utterly brilliant performance - he’s the easiest horror protagonist to love and root for since sharni vinson in you’re next. 

we’re the millers - not really my taste in comedy, but i got a few laughs out of it.

nocturnal animals - i hate that i didn’t like this movie, because i so wanted to.  and the frustrating thing is, i can pinpoint exactly what went wrong for me.  the screenplay is fantastic; it looks gorgeous (i love how the “book” segments actually LOOK just ever so slightly fake); amy adams knocks it out of the park and the supporting cast is terrific.  my problem is jake gyllenhaal.  and i don’t think he’s a bad actor; i like him just fine.  but he was a terrible fit for this role.  (and tbh i didn’t need the flashbacks to his and amy adams’s relationship.  the movie would’ve worked just as well without them and they derailed the narrative quite a bit.)  all his screaming and crying and raging just seemed incredibly calculated, and i don’t think it was intentional.  he was just out of his depth here.  i’m also not sure why the opening sequence went as long as it did.  and no i’m not whining that i had to look at naked obese ladies.  but it just felt like someone trying to be david lynch and came off very pretentious student film.  i also think it could’ve been half the length and still accomplished what it set out to do.  but really i can let go of everything but jake gyllenhaal’s performance. 

i know there’s been some controversy about the violence against women portrayed in this film, but i’ve noticed that people by and large have no problem with extreme violence against women being portrayed as long as there’s no nudity; the fact that we saw their bodies nude (and that tableau was absolutely beautiful, by the way; that got the most genuine emotional reaction from me out of the entire film.  so softly devastating; especially since isla fisher and ellie bamber had used their few minutes onscreen to get me to completely fall in love with them) is what people find horrific and unacceptable.  the sexual violence, nearly all of which took place offscreen, was not used for shock value or as a cheap device to give a picture “depth” or “tragedy.”  i can only assume i’m not the only audience member whose guts just ripped in half in sorrow seeing mother and child laid out like that.  i actually think it was one of the best done moments in the film.  i understand not wanting to see that, but to call it unnecessary or exploitative seems to me like the point has been greatly missed.  (it also involves totally not understanding the film’s structure and jake gyllenhaal’s character but i won’t go into that.)

i am not a serial killer - pretty good little movie.  i usually hate it when things go supernatural, but this was one of the rare occasions where the movie was no worse for it.  mostly some parts lagged for me; otherwise no complaints.

psycho - a partial rewatch since jenna was watching it.  still a terrific movie.  and it was fun picking out all the little things bates motel has referenced over the years.