#hslot23

[delicatepointofview]

LOVE ON TOUR — Barcelona, Spain

[styles-edits]

Love On Tour, Amsterdam 2023. © bethandbono

[bonesandchalamet]

welcome to the final show - h.styles

masterlist

pairings: harry styles x reader!

warnings: fluff

a/n: in my depressed era now that tour is over ☹️

it’s over. it’s somehow a bittersweet ending that for some reason, you never saw actually coming to an end. he’s exhausted, but his heart has never been so full seeing his fans send the love right back to him night after night, and this one seems to get to him more.

family, friends, team members, band members, and even celebrity guests all approach his sweaty body first. fist bumps, high fives, and hugs are all he knows for the next couple of minutes, until the crowd of loved ones part like the sea to reveal you. a kiss would be nice, he thinks to himself. after all, it’s the second most magical thing he could experience after his final performance.

“you did such a good job, h.” you launch your body into his. the smell of his heightened body odor doesn’t bother you in this moment. you just press yourself further into him before pulling away and giving him what he wants. a kiss.

“you enjoy it?” he asks like it’s a ever question. every moment of each show was more than enjoyable, so when he sees you roll your eyes he knows. he knows you loved every second until it was over.

“go get changed.” you point in the direction of his dressing room, and it hits him. the emptiness in his gut appears once again attempting to swallow him. this was over. the performing would actually stop and he could have a break. you can already see the wheels turning in his head, he’s wondering what he’ll do with his free time. he’s never had this much of it since COVID.

“what if I want to stay in this?” he gestures to the gold fringe suit he’s wearing, the vest showing off his beautiful abs and butterfly tattoo. one of his best outfits, you thought to yourself when you saw him enter the stage.

“I won’t mind that.” you smile, cheeks hurting so badly from the whole night of doing so, but you still press on watching his eyes light up at your approval.

you know why he doesn’t want to take it off. it’ll be like admitting the best thing thats ever really happened to be over. that him hearing his fans scream when the lights drop, sing his lyrics back to him, and dance to his songs will be over. the joy he brought to millions upon millions would finally stop. for the first time, he could fly home and have no where else to be later.

“I bet he’ll sleep like a baby tonight.” Anne wraps her arms around your shoulders, a tight smile on her lips and tear stained cheeks that match yours. she’s proud of her sons accomplishments, but she knows he’s ready to go home. she knows he’s ready to sleep in your arms for hours upon hours.

you nod in agreement watching him trot off to Lloyd, his camera hung around his neck showing the band members his photography of the night.

“I got this picture of you, y/n.” Lloyd’s eyebrows wiggle in a mischievous way, harry taps his shoulder with his index finger begging to show him already.

“calm down!” Lloyd laughs, his thumb clicking through the photos until it stops and settles on, what you believe, is an image of you.

harry takes the camera in his hands, a small smile forms on his lips as he stares long and hard at the picture. it’s like if he blinks the image of your visibly tears streaming down your cheeks, bright smile, and pink boa would all go away.

“I love this picture, can you print it out for me?” harry taps the small screen, and he talks with Lloyd like you’re not there. the camera gets passed around to band members again, and your image fades with the millions of other ones.

“was it a good picture?” you ask him when he’s finally moved on from the group and back over to you.

“darling, the best picture ever. going to have it framed forever.” he presses his lips against your temple, arms wrapping around your body, and once again you’re pulled into his sweaty body.

“going to have this night framed for ever as well. it was one for the books.” you watch him nod, arms wrap tighter around you for a second, “now let’s go home, h.”

“I couldn’t have agreed more, let’s go home.”

[letsmakesomeonehappytoday]

Barcelona, 12/07/2023

[grapejuicestyless]

What A Waste

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: You and Harry swore that you would one day marry each other if you were to grow up and not already have a lover. Yet, when the time comes and the two of you are wed, Harry cannot let himself enjoy it.

ANGST

I’m standing at the alter, hands clasped together and eyes looking towards the door at the end of the aisle. Yet my hands do not shake, and my cheeks dk not ache with the pain only a genuine smile can cause. My heart does not pound out of my chest because I am not in love. The girl coming down the aisle is nothing more but a pawn in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe once, I would’ve held those feelings towards her, but our blood has since ran cold. Any fond memories tainted by our final goodbye.

She wasn’t very interesting to look at. Maybe, at least if my heart couldn’t love her, I could have something nice to look at. Something delicate, pretty. But her lips were pouty and her eyes held clouds over them. There was nothing attractive about the solemn face that hid her beauty.

When her hands hold mine, and her face is just inches from my own, I find it within myself to recite the vows I’d written for her. Carefully constructed to sound like a true loving husband, but with no true emotion that not even she, in her most oblivious state would ever have accounted for.

When she read hers, I saw her hands shaking. Her lip trembling and the furrow in her brow as she stumbled on her words. How embarrassing, how nervous she was. Acting like it was all real. Finding a way to make theater into reality.

How softly, she told me she would. Love me forever, take care of me and support me from the sidelines. Even softer, she mumbled about how even when she was riddled with arthritis, sick and tired, she would still twirl my hair the way I lived when we were children. When I kissed her, I felt nothing. When I pulled away, her smile could have fooled me. How genuinely happy she looked. But I remember the way she left me, and I remember how it could never truly be real. And I remember why I hate her, how I could never love her. Not even a little bit, not even at all.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“H?” She calls me by the nickname she gave to me when we were younger. I don’t realize that even now, twenty years later her mind had still clung to it as if it would be any importance to her anymore.

“Don’t call me that.” I’m bitter, I hate the way it sounds so sweet on her tongue. I hate the way her smile falls when I reprimand her, and most of all I hate the way I’m forever bound to her. With all the money in the world, nothing could separate us, no matter how hard I tried.

She rubs her arms, wearing her fluffy pink pajama pants and a shirt thats reads, “We think Harry had the X-Factor” so cracked, it almost doesn’t even read correctly anymore. The words die on her tongue, look at what I found? I see her enthusiasm melt away. When her eyes drift to the unmade bed and her feet start to move, I speak again.

“No.” Her confused face infuriates me. How could she not understand the justification of my cruelty.

“Your room is down the hall.” The one with the squeaky mattress and dusty floorboards. The one with photos of my old house, with the old garden and the old cats. It’s empty and the heat doesn’t work very well. But the cold from her heart wouldn’t mind it, truly.

I hate how her hair lingers on every surface. I hate how her perfume wafts into the bathroom while I shower. And now, more than all, I hate how she looks at me with rounded eyes glossed over almost too innocently.

But she is not an idiot. We both know it. Silence speaks volumes, I know she pieces together the puzzle as she walks away. The shirt hanging loosely off of her shoulder and her face hidden from my view. She never looks back. She doesn’t say goodnight.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“Do you think we’d be soulmates in another universe?” I ask, tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. The fresh England summer air hot and humid. I say it with dirt on my skin, grass stuck to my knees. I pull at the ribbons in her hair and watch how she smiles. We were only children then. Fourteen and convinced we were all grown up.

“Why not in this one?” She asked honestly, looking at me with so much truth in her eyes, I believed her. And the way her hand fit into mine, I could feel my heart pounding. And I knew then, she was the one for me. The way my body reacted, how quickly my heart pounded so violently, I thought it might burst from my chest. Too young to be kissing and too old to not think about it, we stare at each other in the wet grass in the backyard and wait for the final sunset to disappear into the horizon, my eyes looking into hers and her hand in my hair.

For a long while, I believed what she did. We were soulmates, we were bound together. Always by my side, always encouraging me. She makes shirts for my family while I start my career. She helps me rehearse my songs and her voice makes me believe that it should be her on stage, not me.

When the band is formed, and One Directions fate is sealed into greatness, I spend the last summer of normalcy singing in the fields and holding her hand like real good friends would. Her hand in my hair again, twirling it between her finger and her thumb. I want to kiss her, but the smile on her face makes me too nervous to. I think she has the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. I think she is the prettiest girl I’ll ever see.

“When we are twenty eight and not married yet, will you marry me?” She asks me in the last week of that August. It confuses me, it’s such a random age. It’s so young. But the idea of getting to be with her forever makes my cheeks flush.

“Why twenty eight? Why not forty?” She laughs, says something on how I’ll find it silly. For a girl with as much potential as her to wish for something so silly.

“I want to have a warm house with a soft bed. A dog and two cats and children. I want two boys and a girl. I want a white fence to keep them in from the street and little family trips where we can all laugh and be happy. And with all of that, I hope I am a writer still. I hope I have critically acclaimed novels and a Nobel Peace Prize.” And I don’t think her dreams are stupid. And even though her dreams are so hard to make real, the way she dreams about it out loud makes me believe it will happen to her.

When we leave the grassy field that night, I have no idea it will be the last I’ll see of her for a while. All I know is in the morning my mother has a solemn look on her face and a letter in her hand. When she sits me down to read it, all I hear beyond the violent ringing is my mother telling me she is gone. She left, only leaving behind her empty promises and a tainted memory of what I once believed to be something so pure and precious.

I don’t see the letter. Maybe if I had, I would have known it was in her father’s handwriting. And my dear Y/n hadn’t left me because the beating of her heart lost its rhythm in me, but because she was forced away into a house that would never be her home.

…………………………………………………………………………………

“God, you are a self-righteous prick.” She huffs, quickly untying the apron from her waist, letting the blue and yellow fabric fold over her hips and be discarded on the shiny tile floors. Not yet scuffed from the lack of dancing. Never truly loved. But I wouldn’t know what the difference was. I stopped learning how to love when love walked out on me.

“And you must be a victim!” She sticks out her tongue and groans, rolling her eyes and walking down the hall. The lights are dim, candles burning. It’s her own touch. She claimed she hated the big lights. The smaller ones made it much more homely. I didn’t care enough to fight her then, but as I stumble around I wish I had.

“I gave you everything! I gave you a roof to live under. All the money on the goddamn earth and all the glory! And yet you are ungrateful!” I spit at her with venom I don’t even know I possess.

“Oh my god, you don’t even know me!” She turns, and her eyes are crazy, hair wild. “My own husband doesn’t even know me!” She says it like it hurts her.

“Don’t call me that.” I tell her firmly. I try not to look at the rock on her finger, how it taunts me.

“What does it embarrass you? I hope it does. I hope all of your friends tease and taunt you for marrying the girl you never wanted, but had to have!” She laughs then, stepping closer to me, her finger in my chest.

“I will not let a loveless marriage strip me of my heart and my soul. You can hate me, but you should know better than to think you would have any power to strip me of my humanity.” She said it with such power, her voice shook with the same fierceness she felt in her bones. And yet, her anger didn’t lead me astray. For the first time in our loveless marriage, I felt a twinge of guilt for the innocent girl who I let bleed so gruesomely on the floor of our own home.

“Believe it or not, I am not the cruel witch you make me out to be. I am a woman, the same woman who loved you all those years ago. I still dream of having children and cats and a dog. A damn white picket fence! But, what a waste! Our agreement! If it could have at least given me that, or god forbid it had brought us together! I am still the same woman who loved you, and it is clear to me you are not the same man. You are bitter and I pity you because you must be so unhappy to feel the need to be that way.”

“And what else? Do you still dream of a medal in your honor for your writing? Or has that woman finally grown up to smell the roses and see that the world isn’t always built just for her.” I should’ve backed down, the moment she showed vulnerability, but for some reason I could not shut my mouth. I needed the last word.

“I outgrew those dreams the second I married you.” If my heart wasn’t shattered completely then, it had been now. And why? Over some words a girl I claimed to hate had to share?

“What a shame too. A book full of stories of us destined to the fire on our wedding night. And even if I were to write again, who would read about how you broke my heart? And how I continue to let you stomp it out until there is nothing but the dust that remains.” When she leaves, her dress sways behind her. She’s wearing my sweatshirt and she has the same white ribbons in her hair she had all those years ago. She never really did lie to me, did she.

She was only a girl. Ribbons tied into her hair and a white dress with lace so frilly, it resembled her wedding dress. A dress I never appreciated. I wondered if I looked into the old box of photos of the day we were destined for failure, if I would find any photos of her in all her innocence. Or, if that same smile she greeted me with before she knew me would be tainted with the same hate I bred inside of her through my own negligence.

I regret every feeling I’d ever felt towards her. How I called her plain, uninteresting, unlikable. The realization of this guilt hits so hard, it is undeniable. I feel this way because I have succeeded. I have crushed the heart of a girl who continued to love me through my greed. And I know I have succeeded through the look in her eyes and the frown lines by her lips. The lines that once represented deep smiles gone in an instant.

She only solidifies what I know when I see her suitcase by the door. Practically empty, nothing in this house is truly hers. She has gone from one loveless house to another, not yet finding her home. Not yet living her dream.

“You don’t need to divorce me, but I can’t stay. Not now. Not when I still love you. I can’t come back until every piece of you is gone. Maybe then, your insults won’t hurt so much, and we could get along.” She smiles softly, but it’s so fake it hurts my heart.

I don’t stop her, but I wish I had. This house isn’t a home without her. If I could change it, I would. I still loved her, and thats what makes it all sting so much more. The tormenting, the pain and the tears. All a result of two soulmates bound to be together, yet one of them refused to let it happen.

I hope she’ll come back soon. Sooner than last time. And I hope her heart still yearns for me. I’ll propose to her for real this time, not just under circumstance. And when she walks down the aisle, I’ll shake just as badly as she did the first time. And we can laugh about our experience in our first try at rekindling our flame, and we can finally have a house with a fence and two boys and a girl, a dog and two cats. And she can write about how wonderful her life is and win every award there is to win. And I will stand beside her like a good husband because I love her.

I will spend each hour she is gone wishing for her to come back. For the ache to ease itself. And what a waste. If only I could write a good song about it without ranting and going off into small tangents. If only I could’ve done it right. If only it could have brought us together.

[2tiedships2]

Harry’s ‘Muppet Face’ series  37/50 (x)

[hslwt91]

2021 2023

the end is near...

[acesofspadess]

Currently Working

a/n: forgot to publish this again.....

“Y/N?” Harry confirmed making you drop your camera cautiously. “Y/N.” he repeated again before coughing into his fist. You as well as Harry were ready to catch a moment of this girl asking her crush out. The big screen flipped to you casted in a red light and even you had to admit you looked good. You smiled knowingly, chewing your gum, as anytime the camera was on you, someone was thirsting.

“You tricked me Anna. I've been had. Rats!” He joked and you brought your camera back up quickly to take another pic of him. “Oh i'm just seeing your t-shirt.” he laughed and walked away, you were now very interested in what the shirt said. “I mean… she’s right there.” he giggled and you laughed with him shaking your head as you were, right there. 

“I don’t know what more I can do. She’s right there.” he pointed to you while looking at Anna, “Hi she said,' he teased, ‘Hi Y/N” he mimicked high pitched and you laughed again. “That’ll do it, yeah.” Harry was ruthless. You were going to her picture before Harry stopped you, 

“Um Y/N, just a reminder that you are currently…” 

working, yep, ah hah

working, yep, ah hah

You said exactly with him with a head nod.  “You know, people need to work all the time don’t they?” he giggled roughly walking back over to Anna. “do whatever you want.” he said under his breath and you just looked at him like he was stupid. “Make some noise for Anna, and Y/N everybody.” you shook your head at him and made the two step trip to take a picture of her and her sign. 

View comments

User4 i could have sworn they were dating

User7 i thought so too

User3 so y/n is on the market????

[shyswiftsworld]

My Barbie & Ken

[delicatepointofview]

KIWI Love on Tour 2023: Barcelona, Spain

[peppermiint]

Rainbow project 18.05.2023 in Munich

[styles-edits]

Love on Tour: Düsseldorf, Night II © Lloyd Wakefield

[jalboyhenthusiast]

bubbaaaaa

[loveofmylifeh]

Harry Styles | Love on Tour | Reggio Emilia | 22 July 23

Photo : itsjustharry

[letsmakesomeonehappytoday]

Love on Tour | London, June 2023

[grapejuicestyless]

You Are In Love

Harry Styles x Fem!Reader

Summery: The one where Harry's going away on tour and promised y/n a souvenir.

(Not my GIF)

Waking up was my favorite part of my day, or it had grown to be. 

The moon had never shinned so bright in the foggy London winters, nor had it ever seeped so deep through my skin, tickling the buds I could feel the warmth spread. It had never stretched so far to reach my eyes, peeling the heavy blanket laying peacefully over them late Friday evening. No, it had never really gotten that far before. Never that intense, but here I was, feeling the total contentedness of it all, wrapping my body in a cocoon of blankets and pillows, feeling totally at peace I let the clock tick by rhythmically.   

My eyes rid themselves of their sleep, clear as day I saw everything in high definition, the walls paint shining off the cracked beams of light, the curtains swaying so elegantly against the wind, the dust laying a thin coat across the warm toned floors, a homely sense to it all.

But trailing around the room, my eyes met to my right, silky h/c roots draped messily over the wrinkled pillow cover. Her skin was porcelain in the snowy downfall, cool breeze sneaking up on her pores, little bumps and chills shivering down her spine quickly and so smoothly it nearly looked like she had only shifted positions. Her lips jutted outwards, little puffs of air escaping freely past her lips, brows furrowed together intently, focused on her one track pace in her beautiful mind. 

I couldn't help it when I reached up, thumb placed between her brows to smooth out the creases, watching with such deep focus as her features softened and her intense focus bubbled over into a dozy huff escaping in salty morning breath, I winced. Yet she laid perfectly still, cuddled up against her pillow, holding it tightly, attached to the cottony whiteness stuffed between her fingers.

My eyes traced her features from afar, face surely mush by now. My lips were upturned, cheeks round and rosy, eyes scrunched and gleaming, relaxed and shifting to inspect her. I looked at her adorningly, admiring every inch of her face, how her lips sucked into lick the dryness covering them. Absolutely infatuated with the simplest things she did with no memory of even knowing she'd done it. Hopelessly devoted to the girl, I watched sleepily, besotted over everything in that memory I held close, a snow day for us, I felt awestruck and love sick. Doting over her, I ignored how her hot breath tickled my neck, or how her knee had pressed up so tight against my thigh I broke a sweat between our heated bodies. I barely noticed how her baby hairs stuck to her forehead in curls or how her eyes leaked with the mornings tears for no reason, bottling up nothing but the wetness they held comfortably all day. Barely even saw how her lips parted again, drool stringing onto the pillow. Everything about her felt like I home, I looked to her for home.

One look, dark room Meant just for you

Maybe that's why I couldn't help but hold the sigh falling between my lips, or how the air came out too quick or harsh, blowing against the curl in her eyelashes. Maybe that's why her eyes dared open this late, and I'd forever blame myself for not turning away for even a moment, admiring her for a little longer, quieter, softer. Something so magnetic drew my gaze to her, making the bonds too heavy against my iris I couldn't force myself to look away while she laid in front of me so peacefully. But I would never forgive myself for ruining that moment I got with her without her even knowing, a stolen memory.

Time moved too fast You play it back

"H..?" She mumbled, eyes barely open, they fell closed against in a blink. One long blink, she licked her lips again, head lifting shakily against the weight of her feeble arms.

"Sorry lovie, didn't mean to wake you." My hand laid perched under my ear, head leaned into its side, a pocket formed between my palm and untamed curls.

I took my left hand again, raising it flatly against her forehead I laid her down gently into the mattress, her eyelashes fluttering shut with the spreading warmth from my fingertips, nails dug into her hairline carefully I praised her with a relieving scratch to her scalp. 

"Harry, hun, why are you up this late? You need your rest, big day tomorrow." She coaxed me into her arms with her words, body leaning over to her chest, I rested my head in her hands, looking into her eyes body hovering far enough to only feel a sliver of heat come off of her tangled body beneath me. Her hands tangling through the dark sea of chestnut browns and golds swirling like cinnamon, sweet and strong.

I sighed contently against the smell of her lingering perfume, vanilla pastries and fresh strawberries mixing with my borrowed body wash that we now shared, soapy bubbles of dove tracing her skin delicately with the clean smell against her sensitive skin.

"Couldn't sleep. Just, can't stop admiring how peaceful you are. So beautiful against the moon it's unreal." I flirted, though, every word came off more as a confession than a flirtatious move. 

She smiled though, she smiled tiredly, drooping eyes staring back at mine with so much admiration and appreciation, her hands removed themselves from the patterns of swirls and rubs against my scalp and stretched outwards, inviting me silently, an offer to become closer, body pressed to body I couldn't decline. 

"Silly boy waking up a silly girl. Now bot of us are awake, wide awake." She added lastly, yawning and stretching out around my body, we lay tangled in each others limbs. 

And the room fell silent, comfortable silence, I let my breathing stop, forced it to stop. Only to match my breaths to hers. Silly, I felt it, but it made me feel so much closer with just a simple action. And so we breathed, heart to head, breath to breath, her eyes looking down on me, I could feel it.

"Harry?" She whispered softly, shaking my body gently against her ribs.

"Hm?" I hummed contently.

"Lets go out." She spoke softly, almost unsure of her words.

"Okay." I agreed, barely moving.

So we stood at the door, bundling up for the snow, she hadn't brought a coat, insisting she didn't need one, I knew she did. I knew how the bitterness would eat her up, nip at her nose, turning a vibrant pink, hurt the lobes of her ears and the back of her throat, and I only wanted to keep her safe. Or that's what I told myself. No, I was truly selfish, thriving off of being, feeling close to her, her arms hanging short in the sleeves of my long coat. She struggled with the buttons, much like me, but I would never admit it; bulky and stiff against the thick fabric, I couldn't help but suppress a laugh at her efforts. 

"Need some help buttoning up that prom dress of yours, hm?" I teased at the length, down to her knees, just a bit longer than where it fell at my thighs.

Buttons on a coat Light-hearted joke

"Shove it." She pointed towards me, a warning of a million deaths, shooting ice at my heart, only to melt it with the smile that followed and for a second in that smile. The very same smile that held a million hearts, a million frowns, millions of possible lovers, but she was with me. The same smile that made her cheeks perk up a the slightest angle out, like mine, made the skin gathered with freckles crinkle into a thin line, made her cheeks fluster a redish-pink. The smile I loved. And for a moment in that smile I felt something more behind it. Something growing, a warmth, a fuzz, some connection that grew nothing more than an unspoken agreement between the two of us. 

No proof, not much But you saw enough

The car fell quiet, soft humming like a melody in my ears from the rocks beneath the sleek blackness of it all. The moon was out, shining still just a bright down on me, if not even brighter on her. My eyes drawn to her complexion, enraptured in how perfect she always looked through his eyes. How even the hip dips and the bloating couldn't look bad on her. No, it never did. Nothing ever did, she looked stunning, a perfect painting from Van Gogh, brush strokes so small, even close up you couldn't see them. So detailed, so hyper-realistic, so easy to study. 

But her voice, her voice was so sweet. Each syllable dripped like honey past her plush pink lips, so sickeningly sugared I licked my lips every time my name fell past them. 

"So, where are we off too? Just driving or..?" I spoke clearly, graininess and rasp leaking with the tiredness in my throat.

"I dunno'. Coffee could be nice." There it was, dripping from the wand, plunging and scooping out handfuls of smoothness into the air, I could taste its syrupy contents. The honey that came from her voice soothing my aching ears.

"Coffee?" I repeated back, lacking the melody she had in each line she spoke. I turned my head to face her, eyes repeating the short motion of looking to her.

"Could be nice. You know, since you woke me up I don't see a point in sleeping anymore, do you?" She testified, pleading her innocence to me. She looked at me so sweetly, so gently, so homely, my bones turned to jelly. 

"Sure. Sounds sweet." 

Small talk, he drives Coffee at midnight

"One large black coffee and uhm..." I looked over to the girl on the window, palm pressed to her cheek, she leaned further into the window, forehead pressed against the coolness of the glass. 

"Actually can I get two?" I corrected myself, lips tugging upwards, I melt again, a puddle at her feet, a rope tied tightly around her finger, yet she didn't know. She never would, never could. She had so much power over me, so much and I adored every moment of it. Every second she was with me was something I held close, and this moment didn't weigh any less than the rest, something fresh to doddle over while she was away from my touch, my love. 

The crackling of the speaker pulled me from my winding thoughts, my trance shaken off, not far forgotten yet, I held the wheel firmly to get closer to the sliding windows, plastered with tired smiles and friendly faces. 

Still, I looked over to her every so often, making sure she was okay, just for a bit, she rested very still, breathing controlled and steady, she laid on the brink of sleep and consciousness. The drowsiness had lumped her shoulders, relaxing her muscles; she wavered from side to side with each little bump and movement. She almost fell, fell deeply into a sleep to be woken up from, from a sudden stop at a stop light. 

The coffee scent burned her nose, I could see it. I could see how it scrunched and shifted under her furrowed brows, I smiled through the rear view, tapping my fingers on the wheel delicately. 

"You weren't planning on sleeping, were you?" She asks delicately, as if I'll break though I know I'm so far from it. So desperately, madly, suffocatingly content with everything in this moment, I knew how the sheepish smiles I gave her looked. Scared, restless, sad maybe. But maybe I was just tired, or maybe it was her because I knew I had only been looking at her with admiration all night. Looking at her like the last sight I'd ever see before going blind. Seeing nothing but her in my memory. 

"Hm?" I hum back, peering over my shoulder to see her body stretched across the middle consul, resting her chin in the curl of her fingers, slowly rubbing her chin, thinking.

"You never took your rings off. You never wear those to bed, I know it. I've seen you try to sleep with them on, stresses you out too much you told me." She motioned towards the bright crimson red radiating off the golds and silvers of my rings, the shine  of the expensive bands wrapped tightly around my fingers, sliding on and off my like butter.  She motioned towards the repeating tune, fingers tapping at the black fabric covering the wheel, thumbs rubbing up and down the leather leisurely. 

"Oh. No, I must have forgot." I scratched my brain mentally, wondering if I really did plan to sleep tonight. I wondered if she hadn't woke up, would I have been able to pull myself from my state of conscious dreaming, eyes glued to her.

She laughed, I know she laughed, I heard it clear as day and my heart flipped. I felt all funny, hearing the breathy chuckles directed at my mindlessness, carelessness. I raised a brow, smirking in confusion, though I didn't seek an answer for her entertainment with my answer. 

"I don't think I've ever seen you forget before, except once. Always tossing and turning. You get so restless with them on, its like its own reminder." She breathed out.

"Oh, really?" I countered, side eyeing her just a few times while our conversation carried.

"Positive." She looked to me, the road becoming nothing but a distant memory while I looked to her for a stolen second of her time.

The light reflects The chain on your neck He says, "Look up"

"You know," She started, "I still remember the first time I slept over, first time after we'd moved in." She sighed happily.

"You were so restless, I thought you were uncomfortable around me, being so close in a home to call ours for once. I got so nervous, I couldn't sleep that night knowing you had been sleeping like shit." She looked into my eyes, lulling me in under her spell. 

"Sorry love, didn't mean to startle you, I had no idea, really." She brushed my concern off, picking back up her smile to continue her perspective of that night, a memory she held close, a memory of us, I was so infatuated with the way she remembered it so clearly I almost missed how she called it our home. Ours, like we were more than just a couple of kids who dated for a couple months then moved in. More than just a pair of twenty year old's with dreams too big for the both of them.

"God, I remember it so vividly now. You, you looked like a mess. I remember thinking how pretty you looked still, how I envied how perfect you were even in a state of lousiness. You-you had woken up with such tired eyes and a droopy frown. You had scooped me up so tight I couldn't breathe, I remember it, I adored it. I found it so cute how clingy you were to me, my back pressed against yours. I was sweating but you wouldn't let me move. So I started to twist the rings on your fingers, back and forth and you shot up. You sat up so quickly and practically ripped the rings off of your fingers, eyes blown wide. You made this whole speech about how stupid you felt too not have know. I found it so funny. You were so frustrated the whole day and slept right through your alarms the next morning." She though back on the memory, grinning from ear to ear, hiding behind her hand shyly. 

"I remember that. I was so stressed when I woke up, almost forgot my shoes out the door." I joined her, reminiscing over the memory just as she had been. 

"Didn't have the heart to wake you. You looked so at peace I didn't want to ruin it. I could only watch the clock from afar, listening to your snoring." She admitted honestly, and I could tell. Everything about her was honest, I liked that about her. Loved it even.

I smiled at her consideration. 

"Well, thank you." I joked.

"You're welcome." She tilted her head, craning her neck back to meet her eyes with mine, eyelashes hanging low over her bright eyes. 

Stopping at a stop sign briefly, I took the moment to lean down, eyelashes tickling mine, she pulled me in close by her cool red fingers, taking my chin between her hands and pressing a delicate kiss to her warm lips, spreading a wildfire through my body, it traveled down my spine and back up. I had never felt more loved, or happy to have forgotten my rings. So caught up, I almost didn't pull away. 

But her lips tugging on mine, teeth caught between the glossy skin pulled me from my thoughts, and my eyes opened slowly. The first thing I saw were those sleepy eyes, those tired eyes I fell totally head over heels for. The eyes that could mend every promise or break them. And I felt nothing but pure bliss and comfort for it. For everything she'd done in that moment. For kissing me when I didn't ask for it, for no reason even. And I felt loved.

And your shoulders brush No proof, one touch But you felt enough

Driving home, coffee warmed the back of my hand, pressed delicately against the dorsal side, my fingers curled gently around hers, a strong hold squeezing them between the cracks, forced to intertwine them by only ourselves. I held her there, upright with my grip while she continued to doze off, eyes growing tired and sleepy again, we didn't speak a word but instead relished in the perfect silence spread between us. The melodic puffs of breath escaping past her lips in an even, slow pattern. She began to sink further into the black indents of the slippery leather seats, a shining string falling from the corner of her settled face. Her seatbelt tugged on her chest, holding her in place desperately, hair pushing up against her neck, her eyelashes batted open again. 

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you

"Almost home, love." I assured her dozy conscious, knowing more would be too hard to translate into more than a jumble of words put together, so she only nodded, feeling the wave of exhaustion taking over her, only rambles being formed. 

Still, she wiped the corner of her mouth of the thin trail of drool, letting it shine while it dried slowly on her skin, settling it down by the crook of her thumb that rested now, against the apple of her cheek. Her palm pushed against her skin, letting it tug up with a push to the rise of her brow. Her hand found its way to her lap again, sleep covering the pinks of her hazy eyes she took her dry hand, snaking it above my hand gripping the gear shifter. I watched her unsteadily tether our hands together, holding my heart with an invisible sting with each brush against the whites of my knuckles.

Smiling to myself, I kept my eyes on the road the best I could, the wildness encaptured in the greens of mine reflecting off of her capturing e/c ones. My hand slipped away from the sun-swallowing gear shifter, the creases in the warmth of my palm holding the cool pinkness of her skin so delicately in my never loosening grasp. I smoothed over the creasing on her knuckles, thumb tracing the tiny hairs settled on top of her skin, my lips pressed against the backs of her fingers, curling so tightly around the bend of my fingers, the faint mark of the gesture stuck to her skin like a temporary tattoo applied to her skin. 

And she held it there, just like that, hand wavering with every bump, I felt her eyes land on the outline of my face, our voices silenced by nothing and everything at once. I watched her watch me from what felt like a distance, and I felt her hold me, enjoy this moment. Enjoy us. 

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you

The blow away gravel from the wind had crumbled and rumbled under the rubber of the wheels as we pulled in, the car falling again, silent except for the muffled sounds of her staggering breaths in an attempt to warm her skin and the sipping of the stinging coffee. Hers was almost gone by now, mine untouched, hand remained in its place against my lips for the whole ride I didn't dare to remove her touch I had longed for while I had been admiring her all night through the beginning of the morning, the blackness of the early morning filling the space around us with a spotlight of moon dancing across her skin. I had never been more thankful to had been swallowed by the dull dark, the blush heating my face in a rush of heated pinks and reds. The moon painted her like Da Vinci, hair falling around her hunched over shoulders, legs bent up in a crossed position against the seat and my jacket, my jacket I wish I had now, the goosebumps rising on my skin from the heartless coolness of the London winter, I watched her body become engulfed in the largeness of the thick article, fingers peaking out of the sleeve, the other bunched up to hold her hand in mine.

"Home sweet home." She whispered to me, the look on her face endearing and genuine. It was like the dark circles pulling at her eyelids didn't bother her at all. All she cared about, all she focused on was studying the way my expression changed, she lowered her hand from my face and let it fall to see how my lips curled at each word she spoke. Each word dripping with honey as she spoke with silk and velvetiness it played like a new lyric with each sentence. I sighed deeply, looking back to the now dark garage, headlights dimmed to a dark death, the shine of the buttons of the car gone, the rumble or the engine silenced. The car came to a stop. I was home.

"Our home." I whispered back, looking over to her, our eyes met and all I could want to do was admire her just like earlier in the evening. From when she laid there, sleeping peacefully as little puffs of air fell past her lips with each appreciative sigh for her tired eyes, moon beaming down on her cheeks, highlighting her dimples and apples on her face. How her face scrunched, casting shadows along her soft skin. Now, the moon shined just as bright on her, if not even brighter. Her lips did not push out sighs, but instead curled into warm smiles and toothy grins. Her skin remained creaseless, shadows dancing carefully around her frame, moonlight admiring her silently, for our eyes to share. 

You are in love, true love

I watched her slip up the stairs silently, afraid to make any sound too loud in the silence of the house. Nobody was disturbed in her presence, figure slipping between the creaky stairs and sinking into the plush carpet scattering between the creases in her socks. And I watched her slump further into herself so peacefully, lulling herself into a daze between sleep and restlessness. The coffee stung her tongue now I could tell, observing how carefully timed each time she jutted her lips out in a soft pout, lines forming delicately on her youthful skin, they bounced off as her tongue would push past the barrier of her raw lips, bitten away by the crisp cool air.

Her eyes pulled down just a little bit further, sleep gathering in every pocket between her eyes and the deepening hood she covered the dimming light with, blacks turning purple and purple to a deep blue resting faintly into her sunken bags. I watched her hands tug at the corners of her eyes in an attempt to rub away the sleep gathering. And I watched her fingers slip under her curled lashes, sweeping them away for a moment to brush away the crusting pieces holding her down from the darkened hallway, a siren luring her into the messed about sheets.  

She sat in the bed, tucked away in a ball on top of the covers still wrapped tightly into my large jacket, pockets serving a home for her trembling hands. She was tired, kept up for far too long but fighting her drooping eyes and lazy smile was the caffeine she'd sipped slowly on just moments ago. 

Smiling I reached for her elbows, my large hands hooking around her much smaller elbows and lifting her hands free from the coat to free her body of the outside smell and cool breeze lingering in the material. A chuckle left her mouth, smile wide and dazed as her eyes searched mine. My fingers working against those stubborn buttons, I was determined to hold her eye contact to mine do matter how much longer this took. 

Finally the last button slipped through the hole almost too small for it and the coat slipped from her shoulders leaving her arms bare once again. The air stilled around her, cool air not to be found anymore, she felt confident in throwing the clothing on the floor for tomorrow, sure enough she wouldn't need it any longer tonight. She patted at the bed next to her, allowing me to crawl up next to her with my knuckles popping softly at the pressure. She grimaced and stuck out her tongue, silently begging me to please stop making that sound.

"Come on H, don't ruin it now. Just got us back into bed." She smiled, allowing herself to become engulfed in my arms as I pulled her frame into mine with everything I could. her cheek pressed against my shoulder and her feet curled under themselves, digging into the mattress as we stared off into the room, admiring the home we'd made. 

"What time do you leave tomorrow?" Her question hung in the silent air, breaking it in half. I felt slightly tensed at the question. A reminder of everything he tried to prolong. 

"What time do you want me to leave?" I tried. 

"Never. Oh, never!" She pushed against my body, folding us backwards until our backs hit the mattress and all that was left was out hands intertwined. We stared at the ceiling, lips curled into a gentle smile. barely there, but presenting itself enough to see it even in the half lit room. She huffed out a breath.

"Be serious with me, H. How long?" She tried again, wanting the truth, the answer she dreaded.

I pondered my answer for a moment, not wanting to ruin what was built around us in the moment. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and I swallowed nothing but dryness.

"My flight leaves at 7. Should be out of the house at 5:30, hopefully." The words were direct. The answer she wanted, but wish she didn't. I saw her nod her head out of the corner of my eyes, her lips twitching into a frown but quickly holding a smile again, smaller but upturned still.

"But you'll be back, right? We'll make it through this?" She was turned to me now. My attention pulled from the roof to her eyes. they were watery, much more leaky than before but I wouldn't point it out, nor would I point out the shakiness of her voice and the fear from her tone. It would embarrass her more.

"Always." I promised. She smiled at that. Bigger than before and she trusted me. She believed it, allowing herself to rest her head closer to me that before, hair scattered across my chest messily as her eyes finally closed.

"Always." She repeated, holding it close as her breathing steadied.

How could she even question it? She was the only one I ever wanted to spend my nights watching from the same bed. Who else would request coffee at such late hours of the night, technically day by this point. No, no one else could even hold a small amount to how cute she looked in my clothes, or how she made my heart swell by just being in the same room. She was the only one I had been able to promise this to, anyways. I was always left unsure before tour. I can always tell someone something, but it would never last very long. I was never sure if I was truly meaning what I was saying. Everything ended and I was lifted out of my heart broken state in weeks. But her, I was sure we would work. If she ever even mentioned how cold the bed was without me to fill the space beside her curled up body I would fly the damn plane home myself to hold her myself. I would walk the ends of the earth to see her happy and I couldn't be more sure of the fact that I didn't want to lose her. I couldn't. 

Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt He keeps his word And for once you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much But it said enough

The next day came too quickly. Way too quickly for what I wanted. Secretly I hoped that it would be endless and we could stay cocooned together for longer. Just holding each other and whispering little jokes and promises to each other. She fell asleep in my arms where she laid when our promises were made. Her head on my chest and her arms draped around my ribs while I held her close on her side against me. Her soft snores broke out every so often when it got too hot or too stuffy and she would stop to wiggle her nose subconsciously. Her hair tickled my nose and so five minutes later it was tucked beneath my chin enough to keep the wisps from tickling my skin anymore but not enough to inflict enough feeling that her eyebrows bunched together in a sour thought. 

It was hard to move form the warm position but it was already much later than I had wanted to leave by, or told myself I would. I knew I wouldn't have been able to leave her so quickly. So I was up only twenty minutes before I was set to leave instead of hours ahead of time, playing with her hair while she gently stirred, tired and foggy in memory of what was happening. I whispered sweet nothings into her ears and ghosted my fingers over her curves to wake her from her sleepy state. Her smile was dropping but still bright as she crawled out of bed, ready to make a quick breakfast. 

She kissed my forehead longingly before slipping out of the room with a small mumble of what she could make in such short time before I left. She said something about complaining about eggs, fighting with herself on how easy they should be but how they always turned out slightly runny or too cooked to the point where they were too crispy and burnt tasting. I watched her shuffle along to her own voice without her realizing yet again, head turning to face her more and more. I let her slip away into the darkness until we were separated. Her from the darkness of the stairs and me the brightness blinding my vision from the bathroom lights. 

You kiss on sidewalks You fight then you talk One night he wakes

Though I had a ride, she insisted she drove. The car ride there was silent. Not the kind of silent that hung between us last night in the car. That was a light, comfortable silence that was created by the loss of topics that hung from our mouths. No, this felt more eerie. Like a darkness was waiting to encage us into it any moment. It felt like something was weighing the laughter and comfort down by a ball and chain. I was so busy analyzing the awkwardness I almost missed the tears forming in her eyes and her hand wiping them away just as quick as they came. I almost didn't see the airport just out the window. It was like the hangover or discomfort silenced the sound of tires stopping into a parking spot. 

She was quick to get out of the car, grabbing my bag from the trunk, not daring to take another step without me. I followed her like I always do, always will. My hand rested heavily on her shoulder, letting her lead me to the correct gate and sit us down. My hand stuck to her palm like superglue. I held it there, knuckles brushed against my cupids bow, eyes brows relaxed and eyes fluttering shut from the early mornings and late last nights. 

God, I'm going to miss those late nights and early mornings.

"Harry, baby." Her voice still dripped with sweetness and candies. Honey still soothing the burn in my throat. It woke me from my thoughts with a gentle shake.

"You're boarding. Don't want to miss the flight." She smiled at me, her hand not dropping from my lips I curled my lips into a smiled and stood with her. 

My arms were quick to engulf her in a bear hug. I swallowed her whole in my jackets and hats, swaying from side to side in an embrace that turned into a kiss. I leaned into her first, lips messily clashing with hers while steady our movements from the swaying. I kissed her hard and passionate, a kiss that begged her to come with me, or tell me not to go. To kick and scream until I had to stay. But she never would. this was my job, we both knew I had to go. I signed up to be in a band, I signed up for this. For tour. I signed up, not her. She didn't sign up. I felt wrong. Why did I feel wrong? 

She pulled away first, holding my biceps with a firm grip and a sparkle in her eyes. Her lips were bitten raw, from this morning. She tried to make me eggs. Sunny side up, my favorites. They became scrambled but at least she tried. But she didn't see it that way. She wanted to send me off with a good breakfast and worried about it the entire time spent over the stove. But they were pulled into a smile now, eyebrows not furrowed in anger or sadness. She was staring at me in pure admiration, holding me. But I felt sour about it all. 

"What's wrong, H?" She was quiet, not wanting to alarm anyone else who could recognize us. "Don't you want to go? Remember how excited you were a couple months ago? Used to always talk about how you would get to go to the states and bring me back the biggest snow globe you could find. Remember?" She questioned, making herself smile at the memory of us sitting drunkenly on the couch at the beginning of the year. My arms outstretched telling her to make room and get rid of her couch so she could replace it with a giant snow globe. It was the first time he'd realized it fully. But he was in love with her.

"You better...you better call someone to get rid of this couch be-because when I get back I'm bringing you the biggest snow globe I can find and it's going r-right here baby!" I slurred, falling back into the arm rest.

"N-no! I like our couch! We can get rid of the dinning table!" She giggled, covering her mouth to muffle the loud sounds escaping her lips.

"How about I just buy us a snow globe and we can live in it!"

"Yes...oh my god H, are you sure you didn't go to college?" She leaned closer, smelling the alcohol radiating off of both of their shared breath. 

"Let me tell you something y/n, flatter works on me and it's working!" I leaned in closer to her, our noses touching as we shared drunken giggles, feet tangling and eyes fluttering from the hot air below. 

"I know! I know you so well!" She had slurred, eyes looking into mine so closely they almost merged into just one eye in my intoxicated state.

"I know! I know!" I yelled louder than I meant to, y/n quickly pushing her finger to my lip and shushing me in a drawn out "Shhh!" sound making us fall into a fleeing giggle that quieted down after only a moment.

I let a beat pass before the words on my mind finally slipped. 

"Can I tell you something?" I smiled. She nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay but its a secret so you can't...you can't tell anybody!" I drew out my y's to add emphasis. 

"Okay I promise! I promise just tell me, H!" She had giggled. My face fell serious.

"Y-you're my bestfriend." I managed, hiccupping at the end of my poorly put together sentence.

She smiled at that, letting the silence take us over as we shared a knowing smile and began to laugh again at the silence, finding everything and nothing funny.

Strange look on his face Pauses, then says "You're my best friend." And you knew what it was He is in love

You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence) you You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home) you You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out) You are in love, true love

I smiled, tearing up in the corners of my eyes, laughing with ourselves quietly at the stupid memory.

"I'm just going to miss having my bestfriend around everyday. Love you so much, can't be without you." She admired my face for a moment, pausing to think of what to say, she bit her lip again, catching blood from the ripped skin between her canines. 

"I'll miss you too. Everyday for the rest of this stupid tour. And I'll call you every chance I get and make you answer. Keep calling until you do. Keep asking when you're gonna come home with that stupid snow globe." We shared a laugh again, my lips capturing hers softer this time, not as rushed or needy but in an acceptance.

"Better get on that flight then." I broke this kiss with a breath, smiling against her forehead.

"I guess if you have to." She joked, handing me my bags. "Call me when you land, need to know you're okay." She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, holding her palm to my cheek for a second longer, trying to find the words she wanted to say. There were so many running through her head in this short moment, so many with not nearly enough time. It was hard to filter through the ones she needed to say and wanted to.

And so it goes You two are dancing in a snow globe 'round and 'round And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words

"I love you."

"I love you more."

'Cause you can hear it in the silence You can feel it on the way home You can see it with the lights out You are in love, true love You're in love

I kept my words, but I still felt sour without her. She had only been with me for such short amounts of time. Barely three years but still so long I felt I knew her for longer. I suddenly forgot how to eat, sleep, breathe without her around to lean on or to hold. So I am stuck clinging to the pieces I'm left with until I can see her again. I'll fill my time with her voice on facetimes that rack up the phone bills and I'll search everyplace I go to find her the biggest snow globes there are. And I'll fill the silence with her voicemails before I go on stage and I'll circle the days I get to see her again with red pen on my calendar. These are things she'll never see, but when I come back I know she'll know.

You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence) you You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home) you You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out) You are in love, true love You are in love

AN: I wrote this one about a year ago on my old wattpad account.(We don't talk about it) but this was one of the very few writings I have on there that I still like so I decided to post it here.