#humans are insane

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Cats

Alien: Thanks for inviting me over. Alien: I’ve never been in a human’s home before so this will be- *sees cat sitting on couch* Alien: What is that? Human: That is Fred. *Turns to cat* Human: Say hi Fred. Fred: *MEOW* Alien: I was not aware you had a roommate. Human: What? Human: No, he’s my pet. Alien: You keep a sentient being as a pet? Are you a monster? Human: No; but Fred is. Fred: *MEOW* ----------------------

Alien: *goes to sit down, accidentally steps on fluffy ball* *Cat’s head shoots up* Human: You need to run. Alien: What? Why? Human: You just stepped on Fred’s favorite toy. Alien: So that means I am in danger? Fred: *low growling sound* Human: It’s too late….. --------------------------

*Thirteen stitches later* Alien: How can something so fluffy be so angry!?!?! Human: Domestication probably. Alien: Is that not meant to breed out the violence? Human: Normally yes, but with cats it just condensed it. ------------------------

*Next day* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Is it safe to come in? Human: Let me check. *Picks up Fred and holds him in front of alien* Fred: *Low growling noise* Human: No it is n- Alien: *Slams door shut quickly* ---------------------

*Two days later* Alien: *Sipping drink* Alien: What can I do to win over your furry slave? Human: First off, he is a pet not a slave. Human: And even if that was the situation I technically am Fred’s slave. Alien: *Surprised* You are one of the most advanced species in the galaxy; having mastered space travel and the manipulation of matter itself. Human: And yet I am the one cleaning up his shits. Alien: *Opens mouth to counter, then sips instead when nothing comes to mind* ----------------------

Human: Why does it matter that you want Fred to like you? Human: I thought you hated him? Alien: Were he not an animal I would have sworn a blood oath to destroy him and his family for what he has done to my face. Human: I ask again; why does it matter? Alien: Because for reasons beyond my understanding I feel compelled to have that little death machine love me. Human: Welcome to being a cat owner. ------------------------

*Three days later* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Are you ready? Human: I’ve got Fred. Alien: And you’re sure this will work? Human: Positive. *Alien walks in and Fred starts growling* Human: Get ready; I’m releasing Fred. *Puts Fred down who begins sprinting towards alien* *Alien holds out tiny tube with goop pouring out end* Fred: *MEOW!* *Stops murder sprint and begins sniffing and licking tube enthusiastically* Alien: So you bribe him with food? Human: Works on us humans as well. ------------------

Alien: Do you think I have won him over? *Fred walks up and brushes against Alien* Human: I think you’re good.

Alien: It felt like being embraced by the goddess herself. --------------------

Alien: So besides eating, sleeping, and acts of disproportionate violence; what else do they like to do? Human: Fred loves to play. *Picks up laser pointer and flashes it around room* *Fred’s head shoots up, does the butt wiggle, then lunges at the laser* Alien: What fascinating technology. Human: Yeah; we also use this to guide missiles for air strikes in wars. Alien: Your pet enjoys playing with tools of death? Human: I think that’s one of the reasons he enjoys it so much. ------------------

Alien: *Looks down at shirt* Alien: What is this? Human: Oh yeah, forgot to mention he’s a heavier shedder. Human: Sorry about that. Alien: Do not worry, for I too shed my skin. *Proceeds to peel off skin until raw muscle and bone is left* *Casually tosses aside empty skin suit which Fred walks over to and cuddles in* Human: Thank you for that fresh nightmare material. Alien: *slurring words due to no lips* Yoooou’re welllllcoommme.

[cookthepenguin]

Humans have three modes: fuck, pet and eat. Whatever you are, wherever you are, know; if a human looks at you, one of these will activate and you can’t escape.

[mrcarriertheii]

I feel like Stabby the roomba is the pinnacle of comedy and the best representation of humanity.

Imagine this:

Alien: what the hell is this? Why is there a knife taped to the “Roomba”?

Human: oh it’s Mr Stabby!

Alien: you NAMED it?!

Human: watch out Stabby is gonna get you!

Alien: *backing away* so what you are telling me is you not only strapped a weapon to this Roomba, but also gave it a name?!

Human: well it wasn’t just me it was all of the humans on this ship who agreed to it.

Alien: why?!?!

Human: because it’s funny.

Alien: because it’s funny?! This could injure one of us! Then what would you say?!

Human: we would probably laugh at them because it’s a Roomba moving slower than walking speed.

Alien: …

Alien: well at least it won’t actively try to pursue people because it’s a cleaning robot.

Human: yea about that, one of the people who brought up the idea changed it’s programming to identify moving things as things to clean.

Alien: …

Alien: I swear… you humans will do anything to imprint yourself in onto anything…

Human: what do you mean?

Alien: this Roomba is now an incoherent, unpredictable and dangerous, and it is this way because “it would be funny”, does that sound familiar?

Human: …

Human: we get it you find us insane and dangerous.

Alien: you taped a knife to a Cleaning robot!

Human: what if I told you we have been taping knifes to Roombas for 70 years.

Alien: 70 YEARS?!?!

Human: we don’t plan to stop either.

Alien: if it wasn’t for your ability to do the jobs no sane being would ever do I would eject you all out of the ship right now.

TLDR: alien is not happy about mr stabby shenanigans.

[lovelesslittleloser]

Tbh this has been on my mind for MONTHS

Human codes… but they’re not actually codes??

A small group of humans is discovered by some curious aliens. Both sides can assume that the other is sentient. The aliens are trying to translate the humans’ language to their own, and the humans are trying to learn the aliens’ language. But since humans are tricky, they’ve decided that they don’t want the aliens to know their language, so they can have secret conversations.

So they go a little crazy. With written words, they randomly use lowercase and capital letters, even using numbers and symbols, and use a lot of slang, occasionally using words incorrectly on purpose. They’ll jumble the words a bit so that only human brains can guess their meaning (that thing where if you use all the letters and put the proper letters at the beginning and end it’ll be comprehensible), and even use additional or unofficial languages (commonly known words like ‘hola’, ‘si’, ‘oui’, etc, and piglatin, in which you typically take the first letter or syllable of a word, place it at the end, and add ‘ay’ to the end).

As for spoken words, they will do a bit of the above, mashing languages and slang, perhaps mispronouncing a few things, and quoting memes, vines, movies, and even singing parts of songs to throw off the aliens. Perhaps they will say something with a somber meaning in a joyful way to throw off the meaning, or even just naturally (‘I wanna die!’ ‘Mood’), or vice versa.

Additionally, there would have to be a TON of body language. Maybe even sign language, should they know any. Gestures and expressions, eyebrow wiggles and poorly-hidden grins. Ah, the beauties of communication.

[somerandomjewelleryonthefloor]

For the ‘Humans are *insert word* here/alien fans fanclub’, I have another small headcanon:

I feel like most aliens (from aliens that travel planets, to aliens that are the embodiment of a nightmare, to aliens that are small and fuzzy),

would absolutely love David Attenborough. I mean they probably found out about Earth’s animals and how they live and stuff from watching his documentaries, because one human on a crewship put it on to help them fall asleep.

David Attenborough would be adored by all the cosmos I think.

[grandstringbeansupreme]

"More scared of you" - Space Orcs

"it's always more scared of you than you are of it."

"oh that's a shark- they're apex predators in our oceans. They have rows of razor sharp and replaceable teeth, they prefer to attack from underneath, they can be very territorial and some kill for fun, and they have been around longer than our trees. But don't worry! If you ever see one swimming you can always just give it a light smack on the nose- it's always more scared of you than you are of it!"

"Aye, that there's a Black Widow. 'ey get a bad rep, really, there are more dangerous lil spiders out there, but this one's famous 'cause it can kill a human in a single bite, innit. Venom's a nasty thing, and they've also developed a toxin that can liquify their prey so 'ey can slurp 'em up to get their nutrients. They build these webs to catch and net insects and lie in wait to wrap it up alive like a burrito. Aye, but dunna worry! If ya see one, ye can always wave and stomp around to bother it inta leavin- thing is always more scared of you than you are of it."

"Oh that there? Oh yes, that's called a snake! They're little reptiles with no legs that have belly muscles that move them along so they can hunt! A good bit of them are venomous, meaning they inject venom through fangs and into the bloodstream to kill prey. The fastest snake is the black mamba, which can reach speeds up to 23 miles an pur! Some can also swim, and most venomous ones can incapacitate and even kill humans! But if you see one, stomping and yelling can often scare them off. They're always more scared of you than you are of them!"

Vistrigil stared at the human crew mates, the little hairless, clawless, tentacle-less things, and wondered how in every galaxy and star those animals could be afraid of a human.

"aye, but have I ever told you about the bloody ROOS? MATE, those things have BALLS."

[lilacargent]

As im currently dealing with the loss of a loved one, this is my way of coping.

Grief

Grief is an interstellar concept. Almost every species in the galaxy has its own traditions and practices. Humans are no exception, like with most of their emotions their grief is all encompassing. Traditions vary from one culture to another, even people deal with it in different ways.

Kilare as part of a flocking species wonders about the human crewmates when one is lost in a battle. She knew the passed human Ellie very well. Turns out they grieve like a flock, huddled together weeping, almost giving into the urge to join she turns away, expecting this to last for a long time she leaves them be. When she checks next the little unit is drinking and laughing, she can hardly believe it, carefully stepping into the room “i am sorry, may i ask something?” The humans look up some still blotchy from crying, the human she knows as liz nods “you were all weeping just now, but you seem happy? Im confused…” fluffing her feathers Kilare backpedals “not to be insensitive, im just trying to understand your process.” Evan gets up and walks to her “that is okay, you knew Ellie well right? We are talking about her and how we miss her, laughing comes with the tears.” Motioning for the taller feathered woman to join the little group Moira makes eye contact and starts explaining “i know you are from a species that grieves as a group, if i remember correctly mostly weeping and spread ashes on the wind to join in every flight” impressed by the womans knowledge she nods Moira goes on “humans have many different traditions, but every one grieves their own way and time. Mostly in five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. No two people go through it the same or even through all of them. There is times we grieve as a collective, sometimes you need time and process as an individual. We are now reminiscing Ellie, but i already know im gonna have a cry later and ill never forget her.” Kamare could understand and respect that so she joined in. It soothed her soul.

It was years before she saw human grief again so up close.

When the Ri’ktil attacked they committed what humans called warcrimes without batting any of their eighteen eyes. The horror of the people quickly turned to fear. It was when they blew up a human colony Kimare saw the unified grief. Human governments trying to bargain with the Ri’ktil, families travelling to the floating remnants of the colony trying to find survivors, denying that what had happened killed everyone man, woman and child. A month passed and humanity had grown silent and passive, the Ri’ktal took this as victory and broad cast it to the rest of the species in the galactic counsel. A warning that they would stop at nothing and break them like they broke the humans. Kimare remembered her conversation all those years ago and realised that anger was still coming, she could almost seeing it brewing under the surface.

A month was what it took. A month for humans to start walking upright again. Not only humans on their planets but everyone, on every world and every ship seemed to have shared in the depression. So when the fog cleared the whispering began, then came the talking, when it turned to yelling the Ri’ktil took notice. It was too late for them though. Because humanity started screaming, unified rage became a spearhead of humans all over the galaxy, noone even considered not helping. The tsunami of humans that could not wait to tear their enemy apart surprised them, no matter their way too many eyes, this they did not see coming.

The counsel joined the humans in their fight, and quick as the Ri’ktil had invaded were they beat back aswell. The defeat of their enemies did not dismiss their grief. But instead of on a specie scale individuals began their own process. Four years later Kimare noticed a change, they had made a monument out of the destroyed colony, it seemed to signify an end point. Humans went there to process and make peace, they had accepted what had happened moved past it. But never forgotten.

Humans didn’t forget when they grieved, they remember and accept.

~~~~~~

Tadah

[graceofagodswrath]

Humans Are Feral

Alright, this my first post, and possibly a part one in a series of humans are feral story arcs. As well as being something that I constantly think about and wonder why no one talks about it. Maybe I just haven’t found the specific post.

Have we ever talked about how vicious humans can be? Especially in scenarios where something we care about it threatened? And I mean “bared teeth and snarling” type vicious. Beast mode activated. I’m talking about how we basically turn into animals in certain situations and rely solely on primal instinct.

Take mothers/fathers for example. You ever see a parent react to a situation in which their child was dancing with death? They will risk life and limb for that kid. My dad dove into a pool full speed after my two year old sister fell in the deep end. Clothes and all. Have you ever seen a woman after just giving birth and her mind is just straight hormones? And something happens that she perceives a threat? Someone picks up the newborn without consent, she jumps out of bed after a fucking cesarian to snatch the kid and full on snarl at them? Friend’s aunt did that shit. And don’t get me started on the super strength thing humans can do when someone is in danger and adrenaline kicks in. Then there are the people who will protect some random ass kid. A toddler or small kid with no parent around and suddenly something dangerous is about to happen? People will jump in parent or not.

Imagine:

It was a quiet day in the streets of Kuratz. The market paths usually bustling with people of races only had a small stream of customers bouncing from stall to stall. Tourists or natives of all sorts. Ky’lio, a young Avalanghar, watched from his mia’s stall, long ears swiveling this way and that to pick up on what conversations he could understand.

Then they caught his eye. The strangers you’d never see in such a place. Humans. What looked like a family unit. Ky’lio couldn’t help but lean forward to stare. He recognized the tallest as a male and the slightly shorter one a female, as he had watched some interactions between his mia and her human customers. But those humans were always soldiers or neighboring colonists. These humans were different.

There was a third party. Ky’lio had never seen a human child except for the few pictures shared from other humans. It was notoriously well-known that humans were extremely protective of their younglings, so few were seen away from human colonies. So the small, bouncing creature Ky’lio watched tug on the adult humans’ paws didn’t register as a baby human until he really stared and saw the round features.

It kept trying to dart away from its parents, but the adults held vice-like grips onto the little one’s paws. Until the stopped at a stall, Hadi Midas’s stall selling sweet fruits from the Dolor Jungles. The male let the little human go and the female took hold of the little one’s free paw. But the wild thing tugged and cried out, like a prisoner chained to a wall. It wailed and cried out in its native tongue, no doubt begging for release from its mia’s iron laws. The scene reminded Ky’lio of when he saw Kaloway serpent at a traveling exotic zoo. It too thrashed and screeched in its chains the same way the little human was. Then the female leaned down and whispered something to the child, making it go limp in her paws, hanging like a dead thing. The female only snorted and turned back towards her mate, who was speaking with Hadi Midas.

What happened next would always remain burned into Ky’lio’s memory. The little human twisted strangely and suddenly they yanked themselves from their Mia’s grip. It screeched triumphantly and dashed away. The female yelled and ran after it, but it was no use. The little human was fast and determined. As it ran down the street it neared the alleyway next to the Damik stall. Ky’lio felt the fur along his spine stand up. The alleyway was a known ambush site for younglings separated from their parents. A human child would be a great prize.

As the human youngling ran past the alleyway, a giant Oyiadin stepped out and grabbed the skinny, hairless arm. The little human screamed, a sound that had every fear feeling surging through Ky’lio’s body. Others in the street turned and stared, but none dared do anything. Oyiadins had a reputation for smuggling and trafficking, their muscular stature, claws and jaws full of sharp fangs scared away any possible help. It wasn’t the first time Ky’lio witnessed a kidnapping and helplessly watched as the kidnapped youngling’s parents shrieked in despair and fear, never daring to fight such beasts. So they would lose their child.

But these were humans. And humans were known for strange, impossible feats. That fact still did not prepare the young Avalanghar to witness the female human slam into the giant Oyiadin, tackling the muscular biped to the ground. The male human swooped in and snatched the small human, now crying and clinging to its parent. The female stood atop the giant, snarling like a wild fangher. Her lips were pulled back to reveal small, white teeth that were nowhere near as intimidating as the Oyiadin’s, yet the expression was somehow more fearsome. She growled something in her native tongue, standing menacingly over the Oyiadin that hadn’t tried to stand up. It’s ugly face was strangely empty of menace, it’s six eyes wide and staring at the human it easily dwarfed. Yet the female held no fear, spitting and snarling, her body tensed for a fight. But the Oyiadin offered no challenge. She spat something in her language once more, then turned and walked to her mate and youngling.

“That is why you must not provoke humans.” Ky’lio jumped, turning to see his mia behind him and watching everything. She looked down at him. “They are dangerous and unpredictable. Especially when they’re protective.” She looked up to watch the trio of humans pass by. “Never underestimate their willingness to fight for their own.”

~~~~~~

Kids are one thing. Then there are pets. I have personally felt the willingness to kill if anyone threatened my dog or cat. That pack bonding stuff is no joke. No, I don’t care if you hear me call my cat a fat, no-rent-paying bastard, he’s my fat no-rent-paying bastard. And I won’t just die for him. I will kill you and cut you up in pieces and summon satan to dine with me on them for that fat bastard.

~~~~~~

Imagine:

Galar was a puvarra, and deserved xis comeuppance. But the crew never expected for their human crew mate to be the one to do it.

Oakley was a good crew mate and most of the team had high opinions of him. He did his work, turned in reports on time, socialized and was overall very kind. The crew was grateful that the human was one that presented the better side of his species. However some were not fond of humans. Galar, the Yunagi from the helix system 1-4b, was one of this opinion. Xe was unabashedly cruel to many on the crew, and only got away with it because xe often blackmailed xis victims to not report to the captain. It was irritating how xe knew certain things. But xe’d finally gone too far.

Oakley had a pet aboard the ship. The creature humans called a cat, a furry thing on four legs that was a master at contortion. While the crew had been hesitant about the creature at first, hearing stories about Terran animals, many grew to like it. Oakley’s cat was named Jambo, a black and white pattern on its fur and a long, skinny tail. It would rub against their legs or jump upon counters to watch them at work. Sometimes it would doze off near them. Only Oakley and Jabari, Oakley’s partner in work, had been selected as thrones for the creature to doze upon. Many on the crew came to feel honored when the creature would approach them and rub its cheek against an outstretched appendage, a sign Oakley had explained to be affection and a demand for “pets.” Jambo got many pets.

Then one day, as the crew drew together in the dining area for a meal, Galar chose his hill to die on. Jambo had approached the tables, padding towards Oakley, but stopping as some crew began making chirping and clicking sounds, trying to intice Jambo toward them for pets. Then Galar walked by, the blue finned Yunagi’s eyes landing on Jambo. And before any could do anything, xe pulled back a long leg and kicked the black and white cat. Jambo let out a loud screech.

Then Galar was flying back and Oakley was screaming in his native language. He wailed on Galar, his fist connecting every time. At one point he tried to choke xim. Several crew jumped upon them, pulling the human way from the Yunagi, but the damage was done. Purple bruises were already evident upon the Yunagi’s blue-green hide, scratches and crescent shaped marks on xis neck were leaking dark blue blood. Nothing serious, but enough to rattle everyone.

Oakley didn’t bother staying to explain to the captain. He immediately left to find his cat, as did some of the others. Many could care less if Galar was injured, because the stupid puvarra deserved it. They worried for Jambo. The cat was later found and inspected. Luckily for Jambo, he had some light bruising. Very lucky. Oakley even cried, the clear wetness on his face a strange sight for many.

When asked by the captain why he attacked Galar, Oakley point-blank said it was because he kicked Jambo. And anyone who dared hurt his cat was going to get hurt themselves. He said it so casually the captain blinked several times. While humans were known for their protectiveness of packmates, this aggression was unexpected. They went on to scold Oakley and told him that they would have to write this on his personal report for future jobs. Oakley only nodded, still unswayed. The captain sighed and dismissed him. They knew they probably should have done more for such heinous action. But unbeknownst to others, the captain was also fond of Jambo. They were the only other person Jambo chose to nap on.

~~~~~~

This was written really fast, so I apologize if the writing is a little scrunched and there are mistakes. It physically hurt to write about a cat getting kicked, I wanted to vomit. Ugh. I wanted to go off on a tangent about humans taking on giant beasts for their kids because wouldn’t we? I personally don’t like kids, but I admit that I’d fight a bear for that one-year old that smiled at me in a Walmart checkout line, then offered me her animal cracker. I mean, wtf. I’ll save that for the next post tho.

[ena-113]

A human crewmate, Mia, held a long thin box. It seemed to have paper and plastic peices inside, based on the sound. A puzzle perhaps? A few other crewmates trailed behind them.

"Hey Bob! Wanna join us? We're playing Clue, it's a board game from earth."

Bob nodded and joined the others trailing after Mia. He had no idea what a 'board game' was, but it seemed fun. They eventually all gathered around a table in the cafeteria.

"Okay, so it's a murder mystery and we have to figure out who killed Mr. Body. We're all possible suspe-" Mia started to set up the board and explain, but was cut off by Jli'yan.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but why do humans have a game centered on murder and distrust?"

"Cause it's fun, thrilling. Good for poker face practice." Kaya answered, shuffling cards. They then nodded towards Mia to continue explaining.

♤♡♧◇

prev

♤♡♧◇

[human-encounters-diary]

Day 13 The human remains in medical care, although visitations by anyone except the Vitrichl are currently prohibited by the medicals, preventing me from gathering any further observations of human behaviour. I did, although, receive access to a sample the scientific unit had taken from the fluid that the human had regurgitated after her space excursion during the previous cycle, and the results of its analyzation are…rather alarming. The fluid itself is incredibly acidic, and managed to dissolve all test objects given into the fluid in a matter of moments. This obviously raised an even larger question: What was it? A bioweapon? A natural venom? Perhaps Dorag's tales were more credible than previously assumed? Assumptions that could not be proven certainly. But the most alarming aspect of this is rather another question raised by these discoveries: If humans naturally posessed such a bioweapon, perhaps naturally produced it in their bodies, what did they need it for? The existence of such an mechanism implied the probable existence of a predator strong and agile enough that it was vital for humans to develop such a mechanism.

Even if that assumption is proved to be untrue, this discovery still turns humans into a much bigger threat than we had previously determined.

(Further note: One of the medicals has reported the human had repeatedly protested against any advances to provide her with medical care, continuously insisting she was alright and in no need of medical care. Despite the known durability of humans, she will be kept in medical care for at least one more cycle.)

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: The Scope of our Existence

Alien: *Goes for walk through park*

Alien: *Sees human friend sitting on bench near pond feeding strange animals with crumbs and goes over to them*

Alien: Greetings friend Jim.

Jim: *Turns head* Oh, hi Gilmek.

Alien: What are you doing?

Human: *Turns back to feeding animals* Pondering existence and my place in it.

Gilmek: *Confused* Is this a human joke?

Jim: No, I am being perfectly honest.

Gilmek: *Stares at animals, then back at Jim*

Gilmek: If that is true then why do you feed these creatures?

Jim: They’re called “Ducks”.

Gilmek: Why then do you feed these ducks if you are pondering such philosophical matters?

Jim: *Shrugs* It helps me put things into perspective for myself.

Gilmek: *Sits next to Jim* How so?

Jim: *Throws oats and watches ducks eat them up.*

Jim: What do you think of these birds?

Gilmek: *Watches ducks eat the oats* They seem primitive in nature, yet beautiful to look at.

Jim: They have been around far longer than the human species as a whole and predate many other species on our world.

Gilmek: And?

Jim: And they have largely remained the same for the last few thousand years compared to humanity.

Gilmek: I guess.

Gilmek: Different species progress along different points of development and evolution; yet your species has far outpaced their development so why compare to them?

Jim: Because if you take a human from three thousand years ago and drop them in today’s society, or handle it the other way around and drop someone from today three thousand years in the past; chances are high that they would not be able to survive.

Jim: But ducks?

Jim: You could drop a duck from today’s age five thousand years in the past and it would feel as at home as it does right now.

Jim: *Looks at Gilmek* How can we possibly compare to that?

Gilmek: *Opens his mouth to speak, but stops himself as he ponders the statement*

Jim: *Tosses more oats* “How fleeting are all human passions compared with the massive continuity of ducks…”

Gilmek: Did you make that?

Jim: *Shakes head*I’m not nearly as poetic.

Jim: A human author named Dorothy L. Sayers wrote that one.

Gilmek: They must be popular in this time for you to remember it.

Jim: They wrote it four thousand years ago in year of 1935 on my world.

Gilmek: *Looks at ducks again*

Gilmek: You humans have a somewhat disturbing and intriguing relation with your planets animals.

Jim: *Chuckles* You should see what we do with our cats?

Gilmek: Cats?

Jim: Furry creatures about yay high *holds hand below knee* and covered in fur.

Gilmek: How do you treat them?

Jim: We dedicated a few gods around them at one point.

Gilmek: ………

Jim: Come to think of it they may have never gotten over that with how they still treat us in return for our love.

[blurring-ramblimgs]

Humans as a species are fundamentally coded to find companionship, form groups, to come together in packs as a way of safety.

As they evolved, however, they met one another, they clashed, and they fought. They found the worst in companionship and found the best in it too.

They shared information, communicated, and spoke. They built towers taller than the clouds and climbed the tallest mountains. They dug into the heart of their earth, filled only with curiosity and the prospect of finding new information about their home's past. They went past where any animal in their world had been, pushed past the limits of evolving featherless, and looked to the stars.

They soon found themselves racing against one another, to push past the limits of their home, a place they'd conquered and charted many years before. They entered Orbit, then set foot on their moon.

Then it was silent.

They'd assumed they had broken all possible goals, they couldn't reach farther than the moon in any visible future.

And the humans went about their lives, still thinking, of course, but forgetting what lied beyond their clouds and silly moon.

They developed their technology, made television that could easily be mistaken for live images, broke the speed of sound, dove into the farthest depths of the ocean, and they did all this, with the help of their creations.

Humans, as a species were made to find companionship.

They found that in these lifeless clumps of wires and servos. They found this.. love and empathy for something that was little more than an empty husk with no soul.

They programmed their creations' first words to be, "Hello, World."

They gave them hearts, empathy, love. They taught them what it meant to be human, to experience boundless curiosity, and to feel the desire to find the answers to their universe.

Robots as a species were made to find companionship.

The humans knew they might not last long. They made time capsules and sent them into the boundless depths of space. They sent satellites to follow after the capsules, then Rovers after the satellites, then nothing.

Their creations were able to find that companionship their species longed for, from within the stars. The robots cheered, celebrated and quickly lead these new companions back to their homeworld, to show what their creators had been able to accomplish in such a long time.

Robots were made to find companionship, yes.

But humans? Humans were meant to destroy themselves.

[suprsbg]

Aliens: So what was the first thing you launched into space?

Human: Well, we think we might’ve kinda accidentally sent a 4 inch think circular steel plate to space.

Aliens: … how do you accidentally send something to space?

Human: Nuke.

Alien: Why is it always explosions with you?

Inspired by @jpitha and this video: https://youtu.be/NSeL5c65v-g

[imsociallyanxiousgetoverit]

yo what if Danny was the human representative on a ship and had to politely explain that his biology is different but he does know alot about the average human because he was born there and was human for the first decade of his life?

[jwslw]

When Aliens Capture Humans

This is my addition to the Humans are Space Orcs concept, its probably been done before but, this is my version

So despite the odds your troops managed to capture several humans and you need to place them in a holding facility till hostilities have ended, here are a few handy do's and don'ts for dealing with confined humans.  Remember all stories about a human's capacity for violence are true and all stories about their capacity for compassion are equally true, and until they effectively demonstrate otherwise, assume your humans are capable of both.

Do:  Seize and familiarize yourself with any escape/prison break related entertainment your humans had in their possession at time of capture

DO Not:  Dismiss any of it simply because the humans claim it is “Comedy”

Do: Monitor them at all times.

Do Not: Believe them when they claim to understand that you can't tunnel out of an asteroid.   Even if they are not lying, boredom causing them to do terrifying things.

Do: Keep the humans together, segregate them from the other species as much as possible, they will still attempt various ill advised escape attempts and other disruptive behaviors, but, if done right this will trigger their deeply ingrained tribal instincts, making them less willing to interact with the other species

Do: Keep particularly competent or charismatic humans grouped together as much as possible.  This will allow their frequently contradictory personalities to clash, focusing their destructive energies inward.

Do Not:  Allow humans to socialize with your own personnel.

Do Not: Allow the humans to participate in work details or perform tasks that you would normally give to model prisoners.  If their legendarily low tolerance to boredom begins to manifest just throw more exercise equipment and mind-rotting entertainment at them.

Do: If the human arrived with some sort of small annoying creature, let them keep it, if they somehow found such a creature after being confined let them keep it. Concern for the creature's safety will often keep them inline better than other threats.  

Do Not: Actually harm the creature.

Do Not: Allow other prisoners to harm the creature.

[lilacargent]

At it again, from another angle this time.

‘Old’ weapons. Or at least redundant, as a species traverses into space the new technology makes an old gun or even older sword/arrow/spear and so on useless and nearly powerless. The new weapons are ‘ray this’ and ‘beam that’ ‘plasma so and so’ .

Ofcourse this makes sense, the energy based weapons are far less wasteful and lighter, easier to carry and easier to handle. No need to sharpen weapons with a plasma blade and even then, why use close quarters weapons if you have access to stun, kill or poison rays and many more.

On top of that many civilisations prefer to forget their less then stellar past and make analog weapons obsolete. When the humans joined the council many expected them to do the same. They didn’t, production stopped yes, but interested people could still partake in lessons and the old fashioned ways were shown off in museums. Training to be part of a spaceship crew still included lessons in their old weapons as an opportunity to be prepared for going to “newer” worlds.

So with that in mind i have a few little vignettes ideas and for ease’ sake its gonna be on the same ship, the Serpentine.

Important crew:

Primoz, captain -Limoyh a four armed species-

Krag, second in command (brother of Primoz)

Kit, dokter -avian, bird like, she has feathers like a swallow-

Ortez, ASR (all species resources, human resources in space) -kiltak, insectoid species, think ants but exoskeleton-

Lugea, helmsperson (does the steering) -rock like alien-

Artex, engineer/mechanic 1 -also Kiltak-

And then our humans:

Kamari, navigator -Eritrean woman- (has cat named Sidra)

Markus, weapons expert (knows how to use them and upkeep, also shields) -Swedish man-

Petrus, mechanic/engineer 2 -Italian man-

Lilly, administrator/note keeper (learns languages for fun)-english woman-

Yes i know all of this could have also been accomplished by saying they are all from America… nope this is more fun. This is under the assumption that to get into the joint academy for space faring you need to be able to speak and write English.

Obviously there are more people on the ship but these are most important

~~~~~~~~

1. Sparring

Ortez was having a good day, the serpentine had left port and was making good progress toward their next destination on w-kl-18, referred to as deltax by it’s residents, for a routine drop off.

In port on Unity (the planet where the council resides and the universal court is) they picked up the final crew members among who a ‘team’ of humans. Pre bonded humans were supposed to be less chaos inducing and easier bonded with the rest of the crew. Ortez was rather happy the captain listened to him on this matter.

The humans had been more diverse than he expected and were currently what they called ‘settling in’. He was on his way to the rooms they had.

‘Stop it please we’ve been here less than 4 hours!’ The soft voice he recognises as Lilly’s is barely audible over the loud clanging sounds. Rounding the corner Ortez sees a terrifying scene. The two human males locked together with two sticks made of metal baring teeth at each other, with a push the olive skinned man, he remembers is called Petrus, breaks the hold and goes in low swiping at the tall mans legs making Markus fall over.

Ortez is about to intervene when without a sound the dark skinned leader of the group seemingly appears without a sound behind him and runs into the fray with a similar stick.

Whacking Petrus stick away from Markus’ throat she steps inbetween “stop it. You’re scaring our ASR. We want to make a good impression remember.” The men look right at him and both put down the sticks, Markus puts his hand up in a ‘wave’ “sorry about that, Ortez it was right? We were just sparring.’ Moving further into the room he uncurls his front two claws tapping at the metal poles “sparring with this? We usually only do body to body training, this seems rather old.” Petrus speaks up to that “ah yes those are old earth weapons, we like keeping up a bit of skill with several kinds as a side activity. Don’t worry tho, we train with blunt weapons.”

Not entirely appeased the insectoid looks to the imposing woman, who seems entirely at ease even though two people had been fighting. When she caught his eyes, she smiled that terrible toothy grin “truly don’t worry, like Petrus said they are blunt and it is a way for us to let of some steam and keep in shape. But next time we’ll do it in the training rooms… right boys?” Pinning the two men with withering stares they nodded quickly.

Ortez did not know humans released steam, but he felt right now was not the moment to go into that. Saying his goodbye he skittered to inform the captain.

This was bound to be interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~

2. “The Roman empire”

“So you are telling me that at any given moment you could be thinking about a several thousand years old society that no longer exists and it would surprise nobody?” Artex was perplexed, when he and Petrus were working on the reactor core Lilly had wandered through and mentioned this old civilisation sparking heated debate. She thought the greeks were far more interesting but Petrus had been unmoved by her arguments. The other man speaks while pushing some buttons “well yea, the empire made great strides and amazing structures, Lilly just prefers the mythos of the greek while i enjoy the focus on millitary prowess.” Shrugging he looks up “don’t you guys have something like that?” Artex stretches his legs, all 6 of them in a wave like motion “not really, when change happened the history books were changed to make it seem like it was always that way” the human makes eye contact “wait so how do you know how to play -old civilisation- as a kid? We play fought with wooden sticks, wooden swords and branches we cut to look like guns…” that horrofied the insectoid, raised with violence like it was a normal thing.

Almost like they never left their dark ages

~~~~~~~~~~~~

3. Whats in a name (bit off topic but the idea just kinda happened)

Te very first time the humans were introduced to their new crew there was a bit of a hiccup. When Kamari introduced herself they looked up a bit confused but went further down the row. After Lilly they came back around and referred to Kamari as moon. Now Kamari recognised the strange look, they had translators that only had basic human translation, which means that her name “Kamari” which comes from Arabic and is a word for moon/soft glow of the moon, is translated fully but not as name so when they speak to her it translates out of their language to English which would be moon. This is luckily easily fixed with an update, but it was something that stil spoke of how new the human race was to the cosmos.

Her cat Sidra made them laugh as that means Star so she was the moon with her star.

(Random thought about how multiple human languages could screw with translations)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soooooo kinda had a 4th story that is pretty sad but also bad ass, but this is getting too long already

Imma write that in a new post over the coming days

Hopefully people like this, if you have prompts you’d like to see with this crew feel free to ask.