#humorous anecdote

[thetetra]

Alright so I was reminded of a story which I call "Librarians bite"

I tried college on for size 4 or 5 times before it really stuck and I went all the way towards a major (I accidentally got a double major, on accident, but that's another story).

My last go at it I was pretty good at it and I was very enthusiastic about the library and how it was a no judgement zone. You can show up a complete moron and the help desk will help you IF you go in early enough. I always told people "Its okay Librarians don't bite!"

So due to my many attempts at college my required courses were all screwed up. So my last term I had to take "how to write a research paper" after I had that shit on lockdown. So I decided to have fun with it and research "A medieval technology that hasn't changed even to this day". Which was harder than I thought.

Horse tack! how to harness a horse has to be something they mastered in... oh in the 1800s they figured out a better way. Okay well how about .... oh umm no. Finally I gave up and decided to write about soap because it went ALL THE WAY!!! till the 50s and 60s then got replaced by detergent. Sure there's technology that hasn't been replaced at all but none that was distinctly medieval and not upgraded since then. So fuck it soap it is.

I get to the library and I find plenty of books on the first instances of soap (Romans wrote down that the Gauls had this red hair product that looked like blood... due to all the blood in it) the original uses (man this shit really softens up fibers for weaving!) and then I started looking for books that talked about the switch to detergents. Nope, 1960 is too recent. BUT there are industry magazines that talk about detergents between 1950 and 1960.

So off to the microfiche collection!

I looked the appropriate section up, pulled the editions I wanted and... its perfume. Lovely article about how pheromones are too delicate and break down so we can't actually put human pheromones in perfumes (uhh wat?). So I go and look it up again. Same section same problem. I googled the Dewey decimal system and made sure I had it right... according to my best reckoning I did.

Okay off to the help desk. I show up with the microfiche in hand and immediately have to explain "no no I can operate the machine that's not the problem" and start explaining my issue. The help desk clerk does all the double checking I just did and eventually decides "yeah you didn't fuck this up" (paraphrased).

So I get to talk to the help desk librarian and... it just so happened that she was the keeper of the microfilm and microfiche collections. We confirmed that I had 2 weeks till my paper was due, that I had looked for other sources and found them and then we finally went al looked at the microfiche.. we again confirm that I have the right Dewey decimal system spot. And then the change happened. She was skeptical, ahe was stern, but she was helpful and respectful.

Then she (a 5'2" 100lbs woman) grabbed my (6' 300 lbs man) arm and dragged me along like I was a kite in a storm. a tiny scared kite in a big scary storm.

I am a large guy. I have always been larger than my peers. I have learned that I have to take steps to not appear scary. I am respectful of boundaries and rules, I don't raise my voice or show any extreme of emotion. So when I got dragged into the back room STAFF ONLY rooms of the library I was uncomfortable. I was then dragged into offices, disrupted phone calls and breaking up meetings. these calm Clark Kenteon librarians became an ironic barbarian horde who were going to ransack the world till their archives were restored to good order. Minime Logos Minime Pax ( pardon my poor Latin).

Once they were assembled, me still held firmly by the wrist, my librarian told the tribe of my tale of academic woe. Looks of anger and shock made homes on everyone's faces. I can still remember my librarian being so angry that she bit the air with every word. like she was devouring the fabric of existence itself in an attempt to sate her hunger.

Then a very precise and orderly pecking order of people spoke up. First a librarian who was in charge of usage statistics spoke on how the information I was requesting had not been looked at in more than 20 years. Next a librarian who was in charge of what was on the floor and what was in storage spoke up and expressed how the perfume trade magazines were supposed to be in storage and the chemical industry available because we had an active chemistry department.

Thusly in short order the storage location was put on the conference call phone and queried about what was in the box that was supposed to hold the perfume trade magazine microfiche. 5 minutes of rummaging on the phone and we had confirmation, my chemical trade magazines talking about detergent were directly swapped.

a courier was immediately dispatched to bring me my requested study materials and I was finally unhanded, guided to a study room and sat down while they brought me print outs of everything I asked for... printing fee waived.

So now I tell people that you should go to the library and to have plenty of time before your paper to find and checkout needed study materials... but I no longer say that librarians don't bite.

[fishareglorious]

introduce a knight to lucy and after he introduces her to the world of dad jokes the suitcase will never know peace again

[b-lessings]

Sisterssssssss !! GREAT NEWS: After 2-3 months of me saying everyday " don't forget to take out the trash " and him forgetting to take out the trash, today he took out the trash WITHOUT ME SAYING SO ! ALL BY HIMSELF I SWEAR !!!!!!!! Point is: they do learn eventually lmao.

[bistec-37]

Being a creative person is so weird sometimes because I met up with my cousin recently and we were talking about The Tortured Poets Department and we were discussing the song Fresh Out the Slammer and I said something like this

“It gives me post-western vibes. Like the Bonnie and Clyde Smoky and the Bandit energy. That type of movie in the late 60s early 70s where it still has the themes of a western but modernized with more of an edge. I can totally picture driving in a long ass car in the desert with smoky yellow camera”

“…what? What are you talking about are you ok? Like I genuinely don’t understand you sometimes ”

And I have no idea why but that just hit me and that’s the closest I’ve gotten to being the “weird kid” since middle school.

[historynerdj2]

History Memes #7

If anyone is confused about the part that is a different font, it’s probably because the original creator didn’t note that while Huseyin is Algerian, he was a Pasha for the Ottoman Empire, which Algeria was a vassal state of.

[quackityquackquackquack]

I have read Homestuck. My sister has also read Homestuck. We both know this about each other, and we both take psychic damage anytime Homestuck is mentioned.

Every once in a while, in casual conversation between the two of us, a clear opportunity to drop a Homestuck reference will rear its ugly head, and suddenly the tension in the room will raise from 0 to 100, as we try to continue our normal conversation while both dreading that either one of us could invoke cursed knowledge at any moment.

It is as if we are two dangerous criminals with a complicated history of ups and downs together sitting at a table with a gun between us, both knowing that at any moment, one of us could take the gun and shoot the other, but instead of dangerous criminals, we're socially awkward nerds with autism, and instead of a gun, it's Gamzee Makara.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Workforce Tuvok is my cringefail babygirl

[vladimir777sk]

👥👤 Каждый третий житель планеты страдает от той или иной формы психического заболевания. 📍 Подумайте о двух ваших лучших друзьях. Если они в порядке, то это третий - вы ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

© Джордж Карлин

[orcelito]

Less than an hour before the mcelroy selfie & signing

I'm a little nervous

[marshmallowwitharubberband]

My life has been full of dark humor moments but I think the best/worst one was when my dog had to be "put to sleep" and the vet offered to do it in our garage —bc it was the middle of the pandemic and going to the clinic was risky—, and the noisy neighbor who was always blasting music on his speakers decided this was the best moment to play Seasons in the Sun. So we got to say goodbye to sweet Lola while

🎶Goodbye, papa, it's hard to die

when all the birds are singing in the sky🎶

blared in the background.

Nice one, universe.

[bogunicorn]

some people truly, desperately need to learn that not every conversation - in fact, a majority of conversations - are not a call to action to them personally, and in fact do not need their input, especially if that input is to be needlessly contrary or make something about themselves

[eye-of-the-purricane]

Dave Grohl CRAZY Nirvana Story - 1992 MTV - Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain, Queen

[wickedfiction81]

Book Marketers

Tips on how to approach an author:

Know their material! DO NOT approach an author unless you've read at least one piece.

Know the Genre of their work! Figure out how you would best place their work before you message them.

Do not approach an author whose work you don't like or don't respect. You're putting bad fiction on the market and putting yourself out of work! How? Because you need a portfolio to show your potential clients, and if your promoting work that sucks nobody will want your services!

When you're ready to approach an author, give them respect! Have your credentials ready! What are credentials? A website with YOUR fuckin' picture on it. Oh no! I'm not an attractive person! Yeah, you're a book marketer not a model. No one cares what you look like! In fact, its better if your ass-ugly because then people might think your real and not a BOT! Where were we, oh yeah, Testimonials! I don't care if it's your mom and your pet cockatiel! Get somebody to vouch for you! Next, take the best quotes out of the books you promote and slap them on your website.

Always open with a piece you've read, what you liked about it (and when I say liked I mean know the theme if it's literary, how it made you feel if its romance, how you almost shit yourself if its horror or how wet it made you if its erotica. Kidding on that last one. Unless you're the type who can talk about sex in a sterile manner, if you can, you're probably a sociopath and that's ok. Sociopaths are usually really good at their jobs. Just don't scare your clients away.) and recite your favorite quote. I don't care if its cheesy. It just on messenger anyway!

And Lastly, and most Importantly, know your Trade! You need to be able to craft beautiful, poetic emails about what it is you provide that is so so very valuable. Remember, you're dealing with authors which means you're dealing with writers, which means that you're dealing with lovers, which means that you're dealing with dreamers. The good ones are a hard sell because they know what dreams look like! They write them every day!

[nothots-headempty]

Alright, cavemom 🙄

Wonder if we'd habitate volcanoes if we couldnt create fires

[bistec-37]

Happy Passover bitches:

I know this is a weird Passover and I have a lot of conflicting feelings about celebrating it this year but just remember that the Israeli government does not speak for all Jews across the world, so just keep calling for ceasefire.

Now, in order to lighten my mood in a Passover related story, when I was in 8th grade, I successfully convinced my English teacher to excuse me from all of my assignments over not just Passover, but all Jewish holidays. Even Hanukkah, which means basically nothing. I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of myself than that.

[caucaxican]

it's so funny to me how dipshits on the internet think that if shows like king of the hill and golden girls were shown now, The Youth™ would ~cancel~ them because they'd find them "too offensive"

lmao ok... meanwhile just about every young (which even late 30s bitches like me get treated as) person i know loves both of those shows