#hurt myself

[sa-dnesss]

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

my edits

[connedcohn]

[aloneaasf]

i haven’t self harmed in 4 years and the urge to relapse is overwhelming right now. i’m so numb. i need to feel something… or i can just leave. right now. i done deserve to even breathe.

[lebloser-stil]

Lieber geh ich an mir selbst kaputt, als an anderen.

[imonlyherewhenimsad]

the call of addiction

hello again, my old friend doctor bloodletter simply so wrong how long it’s been since you’ve heard my swan song I truly never wished to say goodbye your siren’s call I cannot ignore aspirations and dreams to reify a waking nightmare screaming for gore I’ve ran away so many times always to fall beneath the tides drowning until you swam to me you are my lifesaver my muse and my savior angels are not found in heaven but in a box of straight razors yearning for blood

[sicksadgirlworld]

[nxdjxcxxpxr]

Ich ertrage mich selbst nicht mehr.

[svd-slvt]

After 4 and a half years clean, I’ve never had these cravings so damn strongly..

[silverspleen]

Every time I see that G--gle phone photoshop commercial my heart is filled with infinite sadness, like, yeah it's cool you can have a good family photo, it's cool you can do that, but god, there is something to be said for the honesty of a family photo where you're blinking, or crying, or have ugly wrinkles.

What is too unsightly for you? Would you swipe-click-replace out the image of my cousin crying on our Florida trip family reunion photo? Would you remove the plastic snake I have clenched in my grip, which I still have to this day? Would you scoff at the wrinkles around our eyes and the strands of hair on our faces as we squint into the wind, the day before the massive storm? Would I remember it if I didn't have these reminders, if the picture was perfect and clean, all children in a row with perfect gleaming white tombstone tooth smiles? No tears. No plastic snake.

Everyone is beautiful and no one looks genuine.

[sa-dnesss]

I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how to get better. My head is a dark place and it only gets worse, day by day. and I have no idea how to stop the darkness from coming in. I have no idea how to save myself anymore.

[versautejugend]

want to hurt myself

[connedcohn]

~Radiohead

[shvt-in]

I've recently come to terms with the fact that I have anhedonia. From what I understand, it's when the dopamine receptors in the body fall into such disuse that they become non-functional. The parts of my body that are meant to process wanting, desires, happiness, pleasure; they've literally shriveled up and died. My nerves are shot, I'll never feel anything again, nothing good at least. I'm numb to everything I don't want to be. I can't socialize, I can't love, I'm unlovable. I can never recover from this.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[slrmagazine]

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