#i act like everybody's friend cause that's what i want my role to be

[cantsaythetword]

Somehow everything that's gone pear shaped ATM is linked back to it being my fault and I'm realising holy shit I really need to be better

[sexlapis]

Ho! I loooooooveeee your actor toji fics! Is it possible to get added to the taglist? Thank you ~

Also an idea: a bts scene of reader getting sick on set(perhaps even collapsing) due to fatigue and toji taking care of them- I feel like that'd be such a hit ship moment irl :D

thank you for liking my fics <3 you can be added to the tag list 🩵.

and omg yeah i love that idea of reader overworking themselves and toji looking after them :’). and yeah i didn’t make it a behind the scenes clip i made a short fic abt it bc i do not know when to stop.. like give me an idea and i will fly away w it like a bird liek..i don’t even think this is what you asked for srsly…i hope you don’t mind (but i’ll add it to my tojiyn headcanons hehe)

cw: actor toji x actress reader, hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, swearing, petnames (‘kid’, ik people don’t like this one but i think it’s so sweet & so toji :)), collapsing, mentions of skipping meals/not eating, poor sleeping habits, feelings of loneliness & inadequacy, crying, toji taking care of reader, i made this way more angsty than you asked sorry :(

wc: 2k+

you dragged yourself through the doors of the studio, immediately bombarded by directors, stylists, scrip writers and other cast members on your way to the dressing room, only fuelling your fatigue and stress.

sleep was a foreign concept at this point. five hours at most. so were healthy, filling meals - the last time you ate was yesterday at noon, and for breakfast today all you had was a cup of coffee, not helping your nervous, exhausted state.

admittedly, you were not doing very well. you felt that your acting was subpar and you felt lonely and isolated on set. while everyone went with their friends for a break or lunch, you sat by yourself in your dressing room, your only company being the silence.

sure, toji was also on set too, but he played a very minor role, so he wasn’t always there. and even when he was sometimes, he would hang out with the other crew members, which wasn’t a problem of course, but it did sting a little when he chose them over you.

you just felt so lonely, anxious and quite frankly upset at yourself and the circumstances you find yourself in.

there are a few knocks at your dressing room door and you weakly tell them to come in.

toji peeks is head in. “hey, kid. we start in five..” he takes a look at your weary face, dark eye bags prominent even through the makeup the stylists caked on and the frown on your lips and just knows something is wrong.

“are you ‘right?” he asks quietly, like you’re a deer who’s about to run away at the slightest of sounds.

“yes, i’m fine.” you lie, a voice in the back of your mind wishing he’d just ignore you like everyone else on this damn set does.

“‘you sure? ‘cause you don’t look-”

“i said im fine! just get out.” you snap, heart beating and breathing heavily at your own outburst.

fuck. you didn’t mean to say that.

but toji doesn’t look offended. he just nods and walks away footsteps fading as you put your head in your hands and sob.

so there you are, acting in front of the camera with your colleague in a scene where toji appears in too and you just seem off. everyone assumes it’s just not your day today and they’re not exactly wrong. you lines were slightly forced, tired and you were jittery and clearly apprehensive, like you didn’t even want to be here.

“cut!” the director calls out, more than annoyed with your behaviour. it was the sixth take and you’re really trying to make it believable, but it’s futile.

“this is the sixth take _____. this is ridiculous. get your act together. let’s take five.”

you look down at your shoes, face hot and chest thudding with embarrassment due to the director calling you out in front of everybody. tears well up in your eyes and you sigh, blinking them away as everyone starts talking again, walking away leaving you standing there like an idiot.

it all becomes too much for you. your empty stomach, oncoming headache, exhausted body, dry mouth, furrowed eyebrows, sweaty palms-

you let your script fall out of your hand as you stumble off the green screen, trying to get to your room before a hand is grabbing your arm. you turn around and it’s toji again.

“hey..” he leans down slightly to your height, scanning you over once. “you don’t look so good, _____-”

you shrug him off, vision becoming blurred with black static and limbs heavy and shaky. “i-i jus’ need to go. to my..uhm-” you stop, rubbing a hand down your face harshly. “i just-”

and then there is black.

౨ৎ

you come to and realise that you are laying on your dressing room couch, staring up at the ceiling. reaching up, you feel a wet, cool cloth on your head. you take it off. still fuzzy and body essentially lethargic, you try to sit up.

“hey, hey, hey.” toji whispers.

oh, toji’s here.

“take it easy.” he helps you sit up on the arm of the couch. he hands you a bottle of water and you drink it like a god.

“wait, what happened?” you ask, still confused and disoriented.

“you fuckin’ fainted that’s what,” he states bluntly. “scared the fuckin’ dogshit outta me.”

“oh.”

toji sits beside you on a chair, looking at you closely. you look down.

“the med team checked you out.” he tells you. “said you fainted, collapsed-whatever the fuck. ‘cos of stress and exhaustion. they even checked your blood sugar and said it was low as fuck.” he pauses. “not dangerously low,” he adds at the sight of your worried expression, “but.. low enough.”

you sigh, falling back on the couch. you think back to how the director shouted at you, how annoyed he was, and how humiliated you felt. tears start to form again and you cover your face with your hands, not wanting to cry in front of toji. you felt like you’ve had enough embarrassment for today.

toji leans forward. “what’s happening with you?”

the way he said it, so soft and concerned, makes the tears fall down and cause sobs to escape your mouth, hiccuped breaths falling from your mouth.

“hey, hey, hey..” toji coos. he reaches to you and makes you sit up again so he can take you into his arms. you let him, sobbing into his shoulder and sucking up all the comfort he gives you. toji’s big hand strokes your hair and the other caresses your back softly.

“shh, sh, sh…” he calms you down a little, you sobs turning into sniffles. he leans back and gives you space but his hands stay planted on your back. “tell toji what’s wrong.”

you hum sadly, looking down and gulping. “i’m..i’m tired. i wanna sleep..”

toji waits for you to continue. he can see you want to say more so he doesn’t hurry you along, he just rubs your back and nods to let you know you’re listening.

“i..” you take a breath, “i dunno what to do..i can’t do this fucking role.. i’m fucking tired half the fucking day and my so called colleagues don’t even like me!” you try to calm yourself down, taking another shaky breath. “and i just feel..lonely all the time..” you cry out the last few words, feeling another sob session coming up and toji pulls you close, letting you ruin his shirt with your tears as he rocks you back and forth in his arms.

“it’s okay, it’s okay..” he coos, resting his face in your hair.

you both stay like that for a few moments, you weeps dying down before toji talks.

“you can play this part, _____. ‘you have any idea how good your are, huh? you can act circles around half ‘these guys.”

you scoff, pulling your lips together. “i dunno about that..”

“‘m serious. _____, you can act, okay? ‘wouldn’t have made it this far if you couldn’t.”

“yeah but..this one’s hard..” you sigh, voice cracking but toji doesn’t let you start again.

“yeah, acting’s hard. but i can help you,” toji cups your wet face with his hands, wiping the tear streaks that paint you face, “we can all help you. the crew, your friends, that bitchass director. i’ll put a gun to everyone’s head to make them fuckin’ help you with this.”

you giggle at his seriousness and he huffs, relieved that you’re relaxing a little.

“they don’t hate you, y’know. everybody on set. the cast. they just think you’re a little shy and quiet. they don’t hate you, okay?” toji reassures you. you nod absentmindedly and he shakes your head from side to side to make you pay attention, making you smile, eyes crinkling even though they’re still tear stricken. “there she is..who the fuck could hate you, huh?”

“ugh, toji.” you roll your eyes, sniffling and rubbing your face. you pull away from him. “ugh..i just want my bed right now.”

“yeah..i know it ain’t my place but told the director that you’re taking a few days off. you need a break, kid.”

you didn’t even argue with him. you couldn’t.

“yeah, i do.” you agree.

suddenly, a loud rumble from your stomach erupts, it was like an earthquake.

toji laughs. “someone’s hungry.”

you groan. “‘m starving. haven’t eaten since yesterday.”

“we’re getting you something to eat.” he states, leaving no room for objections.

toji stands, holding his hand out for you to take. you do, his large, calloused hand dwarfing yours as he helps you stand up. “can you walk?”

“i will if there’s food involved.”

“that’s good.” toji chuckles, “how’s takeout sound?”

a/n: had to write a whole fic abt this i apologise 🥸 will add the tag list later i just keep forgetting the users </3

[lueurjun]

slytherin boyfriend sunghoon

request: Hi, Can i request a Slytherin Sunghoon x a Ravenclaw reader? Thankss <3 — you certainly can. hope this is alright for you my love. you didn’t specify a trope so i just improvised, i hope that’s okay<3 slytherin bf!sunghoon x ravenclaw!reader. @vickys-witchylife

ps. i apologize for how long this is… i got carried away- no but really this is really long like i didn’t intend on this but it just happened 💀

everybody pause because this makes so much sense

like sunghoon gives off major slytherin vibes

remember his blonde hair? draco malfoy could neverrr

and could you imagine him decked out in green and silver?

lord have mercy im about to faint

anyways before we get into the whole you guys love each other, cutesey vibes

let’s start with how it all came to be

how my man sunghoon managed to pulled YOU

yeah he’s fine but i have 3 galleons in the bank so #rollinindough #icanbeabetterboyfriendthanhim

now we’re not gonna go down the route of ‘all slytherins are bad’ because they’re absolutely not

but sunghoon wasn’t exactly the warmest at first

bro is not 🙅‍♀️ the sun

not in the sense that he bullied you or anything

me and the homies would jump him if he did… the homies being my demons 👹

he just didn’t see the point in befriending you because naturally the two of you were so different

you were just the ravenclaw smarty he was forced to do his prefect duties with

ravenclaw smarty 🤓 my delulu self would be flattered because to me that’s a nickname- you’re half way to marriage already

ah yes you read that right

prefect duties

more specifically: hallway patrol

paw patrol, paw patrol, we’ll be there on the double 💃

so the two of you spent the majority of your evenings together

being a prefect wasn’t a huge deal to sunghoon, it was just another gateway to his parents approval

not him thinking he’s too cool 😎

but you took your role very seriously and that was something that annoyed him about you

because you never allowed him to slack off

him slacking off could get you both in trouble and you weren’t going to let him take you down with him and potentially jeopardise your chance of snatching up the head ( whatever you identify as bae ) position

just because he didn’t want to be head boy didn’t mean you didn’t desire the position

needless to say it was a little frosty between the two of you at first

aimless bickering would echo off the walls as you demanded he stay on task and not stray off to go cause mayhem with his friends

personally i would take on all of his duties just so he could have fun- DON’T look at me like that, you’d be a pick me for him too smh

he wasn’t just put off by the fact that you ruined his fun and actually made him do his job

you’re a ravenclaw, one of the smartest people in your year and naturally, he assumed you wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like him

not bro having a victim complex

but that wasn’t the case at all

you weren’t one to judge, you didn’t care about houses, the only thing that mattered to you was principles

in fact, you were actually looking forward to befriending sunghoon at first

he just pushed you away all too soon and started acting like a rebellious idiot for the sake of his ego

what an idiot

things remained at a stalemate for several weeks

you’d both show up for your perfect duties, he would try to slack off or cause trouble, and you would scold him until the two of you walked side by side in silence

him sulking and you scowling

then, he’d stomp back to his dorm and talk crap about you to his friends

and you’d go to your own friends and express disappointment in the lack of progress made with him

don’t worry bae, you don’t need him. come put your head on my shoulder, mines comfier than his 🤭

things didn’t take a turn until a week before the winter holidays

one evening, sunghoon was over an hour late for prefect duties

you tried not to worry because why should you care? Without him, things would probably be much easier

but alas, something niggled inside of your heart and you found yourself abandoning your responsibilities to find him

you searched high and low, but to no avail. sunghoon was absolutely nowhere to be found

hide and seek in hogwarts is wild

eventually, you headed down to the slytherin common room—perhaps he hadn’t even left his dorm

but when you arrived, a crowd of people stood outside of the door whispering rather loudly

“how do we get him out of there?”

“i don’t know but he can’t afford to step another toe out of line, you heard his dad. one more detention and he’s being yanked out of the school.”

as you cautiously peered around the corner, your eyes settle on a distinctive group you recognize all too well — sunghoon's friends

they remained oblivious to your presence until you muster up your courage and break away from the shadows, facing them head-on

“where’s sunghoon?”

that’s right, you show ‘em who’s boss! hellos and how are yous? never heard of them 💅

“what’s it to you?”

jay fixed his gaze on you, analyzing you with careful scrutiny

“he hasn’t shown up for prefect duties.”

you square your shoulders and cross your arms, exuding an air of forced confidence

not that you were scared, they were hardly anything to fear. it was more the embarrassment of admitting that you were concerned for the safety of sunghoon

‘hardly anything to fear’ NOT YOU VIOLATING UNPROVOKED

lord knows that if it was you who hadn’t turned up, sunghoon would have most definitely thrown a party

this time, heeseung breaks the silence with a deep and weary sigh

“look if you’re here to get him into trouble—“

“who said i wanted to get him into trouble?”

“well—no one but he’s told us all about how you’re on his ass about following the rules. it’s not far fetched to believe that you’d use this as a chance to finally get him out of your hair.”

so he talks about you??? 🤭🤭

you try not to let that hurt your feelings

but it does a little because is that what they really think? is that what sunghoon thinks? that you just want him far away from you?

“look, i don’t want to get him into trouble. if anything i’m ‘on his ass’ to save it from getting kicked off the prefects. i even abandoned my own responsibilities to make sure he was okay, so can you just tell me where he is?”

the group of wizards looked perplexed for a moment, their eyes darting to each other with specific expressions before falling back onto you

and after a silent debate, sunoo spoke up

“he snuck into snape’s office to try and get back jungwon’s special quill. it was a gift from his grandmother, it’s got an unlimited ink charm on it. snape accused him of trying to cheat and confiscated it.”

jake continued next, looking desperate:

“it means a lot to jungwon, so sunghoon snuck in to try and get it but snape entered and now he’s stuck in there. we don’t even know if he’s been caught but he’s in a lot of trouble if he is.”

you eyes land on jungwon, who looks at the ground shamefully

me to snape rn 🤺

the expression on his face caused your heart to ache, but the thought of sunghoon getting into trouble had an even stronger grip on your heartstrings

i sense a crushhhhh 🤭🥰

which is how you find yourself outside of potions classroom, after instructing the boys to stay where they are, you formulate a plan

with your heart racing and your body filled with trepidations, you hurriedly entered the classroom, only to find sunghoon missing and snape seated at his desk

“sir-sir! i was on night duty when a slytherin and hufflepuff got into an altercation. they started hexing each other and i didn’t know how to stop—“

snape was already to his feet, the long black cloak sweeping against the ground as he hurried out of the room to find the ‘altercation’

“feel free to make a run for it!”

you call out, keeping your voice low in hopes that sunghoon can hear you from wherever he’s hiding

and then you follow after snape, leading him aimlessly around until you’re sure sunghoon could have escaped

oh you perfect mastermind you 🤭

“where’s the altercation?”

snape speaks with a snide drawl, his penetrating gaze fixed on you as impatience radiates from his every word

“they must have dispersed. very sorry to bother you, professor.”

you: 😬 snape: 😒

snape snarls, glancing around the dark and empty corridor one last time before turning around to make the gruelling walk back to his classroom to finish his evening work

once he’s out of sight, your shoulders slump in relief and you can only hope that sunghoon had gotten out okay

and you find out the very next evening, when he meets you for the night shift

you’re waiting for him anxiously, when he rounds the corner with such haste that it startles you

he doesn’t slow down until he’s right in front of you, gripping your shoulders

“i know i haven’t been the nicest to you, but what you did for me last night… i can’t thank you enough”

calm down bae they saved you from detention not a burning building 🙄 ( i’m bitter. you should be mine )

prefect duties for the next few days are a lot smoother now the two of you are actually getting along

the silence is replaced with genuine facts about yourselves, or you telling him things you had read and found interesting

every now and then, your fingertips meet in an unbidden caress, but neither of you pull away; instead, both of you savouring the warmth of the moment

it’s giving awkward crushes

finally, winter break approaches and sunghoon meets you on the platform

“i’ll write to you.”

you’re kinda surprised at that, but you beam up at him anyways

“i’ll write back.”

and you do, the two of you write back and forth for the entire of winter

friendly letters turning into awkwardly cute confessions that neither of you are brave enough to say in person

that’s actually adorable shut upppp

by the time term starts up again, the letters have transformed everything between the two of you

you’re no longer ‘just prefect buddies’, nor are you friends… but something more

sunghoon’s last letter highlighted that for you

‘i’ve never been the best with words, especially not in person. i find it much easier to hide behind a piece of parchment and confess that i’ve always found you rather endearing…perhaps when we return to school we could explore the spark between us?… man that was cringe, sorry.’

and explore you do

awkward hand brushes on prefect duty turns into gentle hand holding with matching rouge cheeks

if you see me on the road tonight, mind your business

sunghoon pushing your head away affectionately when you peer over his shoulder at the book he’s reading to pass time

the two of you avoiding your friends at all costs because they all do that annoying thing where they wiggle their eyebrows and make hearts with their hands

horrible flirting attempts

“you have really nice earlobes.”

“thanks? i like your knees…”

“thanks.”

me tryna flirt ^

you still have to stop him from slacking off, but you’re less irritated by it and more amused

because everything sunghoon does amuses you

you’re all surprised at how loud he can be

he always seemed quite reserved, like the normal one in his friend group but you come to realize that he’s just as mental—if not worse than most of them

and your first kiss is just so… you guys

sunghoon had tried to kiss you three times and every single time, you accidentally moved away

the embarrassment- i cannot 💀

it finally happened on the fourth time

the two of you had just finished up for the evening, and sunghoon insisted on walking you back to your common room

things weren’t verbally official yet, but it was an unspoken agreement that you were basically together

you paused at the door, ready to turn and bid your farewells when you were suddenly met with his face mere inches away

taken aback, your immediate reaction was to...

headbut him

even the portraits were absolutely mortified because that could not have gone worse

me and the portraits rn: 🫣

sunghoon recoiled, hand reflexively covering his face in shock. you couldn't help but gasp in surprise, one hand instinctively flying to your mouth

“oh my gosh—i’m so sorry. are you okay?”

his ego wasn’t the only thing bruised, now his head too

“yep. fine. don’t worry about me, though a simple ‘please back away’ would have sufficed”

“i didn’t realize you were going to kiss me! i’m so sorry, sunghoon…”

it takes several moments for everyone to recover

but eventually, the portraits stop hiding behind their hands and sunghoon can finally face you again

the way this would keep me up at night

“i’m really sorry…”

“no it’s totally fine. i should have asked permission first.”

you nervously clasped your hands together in front of you, your gaze drawn to the tender spot on his head where a bruise was already beginning to form

the guilt consumes you and you don’t know how else to make up for it

“i mean…you do have my permission now, if you still want to kiss me that is”

sunghoon looks unsure at first but takes an attentive step towards you

he hesitantly rests his quivering fingers against your delicate jawline, one thumb tenderly pressed against your rosy cheek whilst the other gently wraps around your hand

sunghoon leaned in until he was but a whisper away from your lips, his gentle breath grazing your face and making you close your eyes in anticipation

“you’re not gonna like punch me are yo—“

overcome with impatience, you closed the gap between you and sunghoon, capturing him in a timeless kiss.

those damn portraits are whistling, causing the two of you to pull away shyly

“well go on, make it official.”

“didn’t you see that kiss? that sealed the deal! i would’ve swooned had they not given the poor boy a concussion first.”

“personally i think they should’ve ended up with lueurjun” oh would you look at that! the portraits hey ship us too 😌

this is so long but anyways onto the actual relationship vibes

you have a habit of fixing sunghoon’s tie and robe whenever you see him

and he responds by fixing your hair for you

don’t ask why but sunghoon gives off ear scratches vibes like i just feel like he would like them

so you scratch behind his ear lot and he relishes in it

once the two of you get more comfortable with each other, he sees how unhinged you actually are

and he loves it

biting his lip during makeout sessions

now that is scandalous 🤭

his parents adore you because you keep him on track

you tying his laces because he’s prone to just letting them hang loose and almost tripping himself up

sunghoon getting cuteness aggression over your existence and just having to squeeze your cheeks

bickering like there’s no tomorrow

“i didn’t say i hate you, you just annoy me”

“next time, i’ll let you rot in snape’s office”

harmless shoving of each other

though it wasn’t harmless once ‘cause sunghoon miscalculated his strength and accidentally shoved you into a random classroom

this happened to me once but it wasn’t romantic-

he then ran off and left you to deal with the awkward conversation with your professor

you being more lenient and sneaking down to the kitchens 15 minutes before your duties end to feed each other snacks

which then turns into a mini food fight

drinking each others drinks when you go to the three broomsticks

like you both have your own drinks but end up drinking each others

listen that probably didn’t make sense, i’ve been writing this for days AND IM EXHAUSTED

you helping him study

studying usually ends in makeout sessions in the library

you putting little notes in his books to remind him that you’re thinking of him

and him drawing a penis on yours

he’s so real for that

overall, the two of you are a pair of awkward cuties who can’t get enough of each other and i love it so much

even tho you should be with me but i’ll allow it 🙄

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hallo again! I am the one who asked about Val, it wasn't a request I was asking if you write for him so here we go!

Could it please be where reader is Valentino's son ( or just child if you don't write for male reader ) and Valentino can't find someone to trust-worthy to babysit his son so he just take him to work since reader is non-verbal anyway and won't be much of a bother?

So reader now comes regularly with him and see the other Vees as family. Perhaps Vox as another dad/uncle and Velvette as a big sister ( or any family role for them ).

Thank you for giving a look to my request!

Ooh! Right! Okay, okay. I can try this out. To be honest, Val is a monster but something tells me he wouldn’t be THAT bad with a kid of his own and yes, I do write male readers. Female, male, transgender, genderfluid(if that’s possible, idk how but I would do it anyway), nonbinary/GN! But anyways. Let’s try Val out as a dad!

Valentino- Silkworm Caterpillar

Everybody who knows the director of the Pentagram City’s Porn Industry, Valentino, is aware how much of a bastard he is; cruel, abusive, exploitative but nobody had ever suspected that he would actually one: have a son and two: treat that son better than he’s ever treated anybody, even his on-and-off boyfriend, Vox

Your dad’s an insufferable man-child but yet, he is actually pretty good with you. He doesn’t really like much things, other than you. He is awful but he feels kinda soft and fluffy whilst he is around you. You’re basically his soft spot

Valentino needs hugs and he will get them, no matter what may step in his path. You are non-verbal and mute so he cannot communicate with you properly, he just acts on his affections for you since he believes it’s fine

Valentino is that type of wingman-father. He always encourages you to get out of your comfort zone and boosts you up to look even better. He’s a close friend to you and you can hang out with him in casual settings where it almost seems like he is just your uncle, not your father

Valentino always offers to get you what you want, he is a father that spoils his seed rotten. Want a drink? He’ll get it. Want a phone? He’ll get it. Want more hugs? You’re getting them rather you want ‘em or not. He likes it when you smile and he does very much have favouritism towards you, where he almost never raises his voice to you

Valentino is actually protective, believe it or not and he is defensive over his son. Rather said son be above ten years old, he doesn’t trust a single being in Hell. Not anybody in Vees, not any under their luck bum he picks up for hire, not any one of his assistants. Nobody. He doesn’t ever want to leave you with somebody who can cause a threat

Valentino doesn’t really want to resort to this but after some more time. He decides to stop leaving you in the Vees Tower. You’re alone and you need him so he begins to bring you to his porn studios but what he does is that he glues you to other devices so you don’t have to be uncomfortable with watching pornography

Valentino is relatively soft and gentle. Even somebody as deranged and sick as him has a moment of love and affection and it’s in his son. He could be the most pissed off and at his absolute worse but when he is greeted by his offspring, he swallows back everything to be doting to you

Valentino calls you his silkworm because you’re a little caterpillar to him. He’s the moth, you’re his caterpillar and he’d pop you on his back and spread his wings for you if he had to. He enjoys your reaction of surprise and awe at his rather beautiful moth wings. He can understand where it comes from, it’s incredible. Isn’t it? He likes it when you’re proud of him or in awe of him

Valentino is aware of your deafness. You’ve been deaf since he had you… back in human life. Believe it or not, but he did and he actually cared to get you hearing aids but after you two died, he lost a hold of hearing aids and he has literally no other methods to help you

Valentino also much prefers you like the Vees themselves and the effort proves worth it since you end up viewing his on-and-off boyfriend, Vox as a stepfather and Velvette, their close friend, as a surrogate big sister. Valentino finds your point of views on his fellow rulers rather adorable and will playfully tease you about them

Valentino is learning sign language, since now of this time, sign language has been fully developed but he is struggling and his temper makes him go from trying to giving up to trying again. He’ll get there eventually, all for you

Valentino out here doing aggressive sign language and failing a whole lot

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

The thing with Alastor is that I think he genuinely does like people. I don't think he cares too much about many individual persons, but when it comes to people as a collective he likes and wants to be liked back.

You don't go into entertainment if you don't want some kind of validation from it, and Alastor got so into radio in life that his soul was moulded around it in death.

And that's fundamentally the source of a lot of the conflict in his character.

Alastor wants to be the feared and hated Radio Demon. But he also wants to be ‘Al, that charming guy from the radio!’

Alastor wants to be treated with respect and terror at all times. But he also wants to have fun and joke around with people.

Alastor wants to keep the reasons for his disappearance a deadly secret. But he also wants to go to the Overlord meeting and have everyone dying to know where he was and what he was doing.

(“And when Alastor's not in the scene, all the other characters should be standing around like ‘hey, where's Alastor?’!”)

This is why Husk, up until he touches that particular sore spot, gets away with so much more in his relationship with Alastor than, say, Angel gets with Valentino.

Val wants Angel to be a tool or a toy he can control. Alastor kind of wants the same from Husk, but he also wants to be able to play the role of the cheeky but charming boss who can talk Husk around with a wink and a bottle of cheap booze.

(A role that Husk, for his part, goes along with because it allows him to keep some of his dignity. He gets to snark at Alastor and act like he still has even the slightest control over his own destiny. Alastor gets to laugh it off and act like he's a good employer. They both know it's a lie, but Husk clings to it because the alternative is even more humiliation, and Alastor finds it too much fun to give up.)

This is also I think the real reason he and Rosie are such good friends. Because Rosie is also 100% playacting.

Cannibal Town is a fucking dangerous place. Given that Charlie considered the “sights to see en route to my hotel” a selling point for joining her army (a hotel in walking distance) I'm guessing there are some restrictions preventing the residents from leaving. People eat corpses in the streets.

Rosie is clearly a fearsome and vicious Overlord in her own right. Even Lucifer's daughter is twitchy around Cannibal Town.

But, at the same time, when the streets aren't covered in blood and viscera, they're gleaming. The people are all well dressed. There are quaint little shops. Everyone is smiling, all the time.

It's clearly a stage play, but it's one that Rosie and the residents seem to enjoy acting out, and one that they let Alastor have a role in when he visits. In Cannibal Town, Alastor gets to be the charming young man about town whose smile brightens up the place and who everybody (except, ugh, Susan) is pals with.

And I think it's this conflict of personas that is ultimately going to be the biggest factor in whether Alastor ends up being a hero or a villain on the show.

Cause like, Alastor the altruist is obviously an act. But, so is the Radio Demon.

Alastor isn't an all powerful killing machine. In most of the scenes he's in, he's not even the most powerful person in the room. (Albeit

primarily because he's usually accompanied by Charlie.) And he's not acting purely on his own whims, he's on someone else's leash.

I don't think Alastor is necessarily capable of feeling remorse for the stuff he's done in the past. Or caring about other people more than he does himself. It's just not his character.

But I think he is capable, given time to get attached and a lot of positive reinforcement, of deciding that playing 'steadfast hotelier' for Charlie and co is more fun than playing the evil Radio Demon for everyone else.

Picking other people over himself is probably not something that's going to happen for Alastor any time soon. But picking one persona over the other? That I could see.

[halogenwarrior]

This is somewhat of a continuation of the post I made recently: but I think Marco and Cassie’s relationship dynamic is a very interesting one. They are on the surface of it the advocates of opposing ideologies, and the closest emotionally to Jake so that he is always feeling the contrasting pull of both. And by connection they are the resident “smart ones” of the group, the ones that tend to notice things others don’t and make the most cogent intellectual arguments. Except that (in a running theme of the series of the contrast of how each character is viewed by others vs. reality, and how those roles they are stereotyped into in the pressure cooker of war affect them) only Marco is really acknowledged and named by the others as “the smart one”, as an appellation constantly referred to them when they are being introduced (Rachel is the brave one, Jake is the leader, Tobias is the one who is a hawk, etc.). Yes Cassie will sometimes get a shout out as being deep or emotionally understanding, but never “smart”, even if she has about as many moments of finding the intelligent solution or realizing something as Marco does. And I think this speaks to how Cassie’s ideas seem too out-of-left field, she thinks “differently” and is likely to be dogpiled by everyone as a result, while as noted in one of the books (can’t remember which) Marco’s complaining and cautiousness (and by extension his ruthlessness) says what everybody thinks but doesn’t want to say, just on a more intelligent and insightful level, it’s the same “genre” but with more insight. Even Cassie herself internalizes it, referring to Marco as the smartest one and herself as a dumb tree-hugger.

Interestingly, the only time I can think of she is referred to as “the smartest one” the way Marco often is by Marco himself in #45. In this book, Marco wants to rescue his mother but, from his position of logical ruthlessness, thinks it would only harm others for his own personal benefit. And then Cassie is the one who is able to come up with an objective reason why saving her would benefit them and their cause, and Marco responds by thinking that “I just wouldn’t again forget that, in some ways, Cassie is the bravest and smartest of my friends”. He appreciates Cassie and her intelligence because when someone else, like Jake, tries to tell him do act with his heart, there’s not much of an argument to it and it is something he can easily debunk, it’s all just foolish and not pragmatic. But Cassie is smart enough to actually make him believe, by his own logic, that he can dare to hope for himself.

There’s also the dynamic between them of selfishness/personal gain vs. selflessness, where it quickly becomes unclear who is supposed to represent what. But just a recap if you haven’t read that: I talked in my earlier post about how Cassie’s fundamental drive/motivation is that the animal world is cold, running on just survival, of oneself and those genetically close to oneself (as she realizes in #9 and has a bit of a breakdown about), and to prove there is something more and the world is not senseless, every sapient being has to use their ability to morally reason (as she articulates in Megamorphs #2) to do whatever an animal wouldn’t. Marco starts out as the opposite, the one out of all the Animorphs who is most associated with personal “survive and protect one’s family” goals. In the early books, he is the most concerned about the risk of death they run, for himself and how it would emotionally crush his father, and often points out that the people they are helping are not people he personally knows or is related to, so why should he risk his life for them? When he decides to fully commit himself to the war, it’s not out of some far-reaching altruism but because he now knows his mother is a Controller and he might be able to rescue her. Contrasting Cassie’s desire to transcend the reasoning of an animal, the ruthlessness that Marco desires is “animal-coded” in #15, where he loves the shark morph for giving him the simple and ruthless animal instinct that allows him to escape his uncertainties and insecurities. 

But something strange happens along the way. Step by step, Marco transitions from using the shark’s logic, the animal ruthlessness, for its typical purpose of survival of one’s genes to expanding it to the whole planet, being willing to appropriate that animal instinct for the benefit of all of humanity even at the expense of his personal benefit (being willing to sacrifice his mother no matter how much it emotionally destroys him) – appropriating the logic of selfishness for a selfless cause, and taking the same risks even though he’s given up on saving what personally matters to him from it. And Cassie’s fundamental driving principle of avoiding that self-serving logic also means avoiding the “animal’s action” even when it would have a great utilitarian benefit, which gradually starts to look an awful lot like selfishness. In #19, Cassie is willing to risk her friends’ torture and death, and in the long run the enslavement of humanity, so she can convince Aftran that there is another way besides parasitism. This makes perfect sense with her convictions, as the animal logic would say the Yeerks are biologically forced to be humans’ enemies, and humans for their own survival must see them as enemies to kill, but her beliefs means she must try to find a way that they can use their sapience to transcend that, otherwise what would be the point of living and winning in the first place? But it’s still a different kind of selfishness; not a selfishness for one’s own preservation, but that of potentially causing much suffering of others so one can personally feel morally sound and avoid despair. And I just love that dynamic where it quickly becomes unclear within the character foil relationship who is supposed to be the selfish or personally driven one and who is supposed to be the selfless, caring for everyone person. Just a fascinating dynamic.

[soulc-hilde]

The Bear

If there’s anything more frustrating is doing a series for a show that has writers who don’t properly go about their job. For example, for my series Bear in the Wild which is based on and follows The Bear tv show, Storer and whoever else is co-writing the show - probably - don’t know how they want to go about the show or what to do.

Cause what I remember reading, is that the show wasn’t even supposed to go on for this long which is a congratulations well deserved. However, I don’t think Storer was ideally prepared to take the show higher. Hear me out…

The viewers are split between those who want Carmen to find the light within his life and heal, those who wish to see him be in a relationship with Sydney, and some who may want him with Claire or any BETTER character that can be added in.

From my perspective, I can see how Sydney and Carmen can be a couple. For those who are too hooked onto the fact that they work together - Carmen’s ENTIRE family is heavily involved with the restaurant since he was a kid. That separation is non-existent.

However, the point of this post isn’t about ships. It’s about the writing and the caring of the show. The first two seasons were killer, amazing. The pacing was perfect, the plot of each season was explored within their episodes consistently, and there’s obvious chemistry between Sydney and Carmen.

Romantic or Platonic, who gives a fuck. It's there, that's material that they can work on.

Season 3 fails because it’s inconsistent, it removes our deuteragonist Sydney and replaces her with tertiary characters like the Faks. THE FAKS??

If this season’s theme, its plot, was to dive into each character’s background and how they’re tied within one another, GO FOR IT. Even better, do that but stick to your focal cast which consists of Carmen, Sydney, Richie, Natalie, Tina, Marcus, Ebra, and… maybe the Faks.

Tell us about our seven fishes, how’d they come across Michael? What was his role in their life, outside of being the boss? It’s The Beef/The Bear. Everybody is family. Tell us how The Beef became a home. Talk to us about Sydney’s family, hell Marcus’ mother died at the end of Season 2… let’s dive into that.

Instead, I’m staring at John Cena as a Fak and I’m learning about Thing 1 and Thing 2? I’m receiving vague hints that Claire’s best friend can’t read red flags to save her fucking life and got associated with a Fak? Why would anyone to do that to themselves?

How does this contribute to The Bear? Or to the Season in general?

Claire is the type of girl in reality where you have to tell them to shut the fuck up or else you’ll punch the shit out of them. She pushes and she pushes until you give her the answer she wants.

In the eyes of a WOC, she acts like a typical white woman that was never told no because she was too pretty or talked so soft when in reality, she looked like everyone else and talks as if she’s being stalked and needs saved. Claire ain’t no different than any other plain jane.

So, what makes her so special in Storer’s eyes that she gets to be Carmen’s love interest?

Can’t say that it’s the nostalgia that holds them together cause I’m pretty sure that while they were both acquainted, she wasn’t an actual friend of Carmen’s. She was the out of reach girl who he had a crush on and knew of. Instead of initiating that bond during those times, she initiates it through his family.

Specifically, Michael, Richie, The Faks, and Donna.

Instead of understanding that the fake number meant he didn’t want to talk to her, she goes through Fak and proceeds to keep calling him. He doesn’t owe her shit, not even the toilet paper he used to wipe his ass and yet, we’re watching this grown ass woman hunt this man down when he didn’t want to talk.

If this was the other way around, it would immediately be an example of harassment against women. But Claire? Oh no, this is apparently supposed to be her fighting for her chance at love or getting close to his heart.

Girl, you're a damn pest. Get sprayed.

And let's not even get into one of the promotion interviews. Why is the cast split by the comedic reliefs, the siblings, and the Blacks?? Um... Tell us how you really feel, say that shit with your chest whoever set that up.

Storer was not prepared to create another season and that happens to all shows. I mean, how many shows you've start strong but then there was either a change on staff or it received crazy hype and decided to add seasons to follow the momentum but things went to shit?

There's ways to recover from that. However, here's where Storer really fucked up.

In recent years, the generation of BIPOC have been wishing to see themselves as characters who do the things that the most overhyped white character does.

Cook? Farm? Paint? Rich? Anxious? Depressed? Happy family?

After so many years of "progression" within the industry, we receive these characters that are supposedly in these non-stereotypical roles and won't be used for the plot (especially if they're a woman of color) but then when the final product is out...

Where was that regular-degular character you had?

And thankfully, there's some shows who have been successful with giving us that representation. And it's not about us wanting white directors and writers to tell our story as people. Y'all already had that control and look where we're at now.

We want y'all to get your head out of your asses and realize that there's more to the world than Ashley with the blonde hair, pale skin, and blue eyes.

In The Bear, we get that with Sydney, Ebra, Tina, and Marcus. Now, with Sydney, as I said, she's the deuteragonist. Both her and Richie. Where the fuck was she this season? Why is her role being pushed to the back and the likes of the Faks and the Pest being pushed to the front?

They're for damn sure not on the promotional posters. Especially, Claire. They're not one of the main characters. If anything, they're foil characters and/or tertiary characters.

They are either to help further the plot to reach our ending destination, especially if they surround the main character(s), or add little substance here and there before disappearing.

Storer fucked up. He knew what type of audience he had, he saw the reception that both Sydney and Carmen (Ayo and Jeremy) received for their roles and yet when it came to this season, he played in their faces and with their time. And that's fucked up.

[ravioligobbler9000]

Finished Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier last night and oh my god how do I even begin to describe this book... It is SO good.

The way our perception of Rebecca is completely changed by what Maxim says and what he says is basically the only insight we have on what actually happened, and the way he is really unreliable so we will never know who is actually the bad guy in this story.

How the main character has no name cause this story isn't really about her, it's about Manderley, it's about Rebecca.

I love that Manderley itself feels like a character and how it seems to have control over everybody... When Manderley ends, the story ends.

And the fire is a curse as much as a liberation, Rebecca's last victory, her last curse, liberation from all of her schemes, liberation from the pressures to maintain a historical family estate, freedom from memories, from the past and from the ghost of Rebecca.

I must confess that at first I, like many, thought this was a romance book, our main couple being haunted by the memories of Maxim's ex wife and her beauty, but upon thinking further, this book takes a situation so bizarre, our main character stuck in this really weird marriage, Maxim acting cold and distant and never telling the narrator what she did wrong, while also not giving her insight into his past for her to understand why what she did was wrong, treating the narrator like a child, which she basically is, the insane 20 year age gap, and I absolutely love that at first glance and not thinking much about it, the author makes us think this is normal, even after the revelation towards the end of the book, Maxim is the good guy, and Daphne du Maurier makes such a great job of making the reader irrationally root for him, cause after all we want what the narrator wants. But then you think about it and, is Rebecca really the bad guy? Is Maxim really the good guy? Did Rebecca really deserve what she got for what she did? At what point does Maxim turn from a tired man who just wants real love and someone faithful, into a murderous manipulator who just hated the way Rebecca stood up to his lack of emotion by doing what she wanted, so he made up all this story about how she was a sociopath to justify what he did to her??

Also Mrs. Danvers.... Oh my god Mrs. Danvers who was insanely loyal to Rebecca, who knew of Rebecca's insanity and disgust towards men and embraced it and loved it, who had a sort of weird one sided psychosexual relationship with Rebecca and who makes the narrator's life a living hell because of her loyalty to Rebecca, the chokehold Rebeca has on the world even after she is dead, and the fact that her whole life was devotion to Rebecca, and it shows by that ending, if her Rebecca can't own Manderley, no one can. All the scene's with the narrator and Mrs. Danvers in Rebecca's room, especially the window one, that were just perfectly written, perfectly suspenseful, show us just how Rebecca was the mastermind, she was pulling the strings even after her death, she bended everything to her will, even the weather, how can someone else ever possibly be the Mrs. de Winter of Manderley?

Just as a final thought, I love the gender fuckery of it all, the main character is a sort of Haruhi from OHSHC, she couldn't care less if she looks like a boy or a girl, cause frankly it isn't even important for the story, she asks Maxim not to love her, but to treat her like a companion, a friend, "a sort of boy". And I think that's really cool, after all, gender doesn't matter in this story, only Rebecca, and we also know Rebecca wasn't big on gender roles either haha ("should've been a boy" as said by Mrs. Danvers)

I cannot squeeze anymore thoughts out because I also haven't had breakfast yet BUT I absolutely loved this book and I will so absolutely read it again, I'll shut up now, I've rambled enough :)

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 25, 2021 9:00 p.m. seoul

**TW: SUICIDE MENTION**

[grant] hey, not to bring up the previous conversation, but uh, i wanted to say i'm sorry you had to deal with me the same year you were going through so much. it wasn't fair.

[henry] it's okay, grant. i don't think your motivation for being an addict and attempting suicide that year was, "yeah, fuck henry, i want to make his life so much worse right now. his dad's dead, he may not have enough credits to get his degree this may, and now me!"

[grant] it doesn't matter what it was. the fact is that my problems hurt other people. i didn't just harm myself. and i was not a pleasant person that last year when you really needed pleasantry.

[henry] yeah, i'm not going to lie to you, that very last year of college, i thought the version of you i knew and loved was gone.

[grant] i was insufferable.

[henry] correct. you were an asshole.

[henry] for the most part. you did try to be good again and be there for me when my dad died.

[henry] it was weird. i hadn't seen you sober in years, but when i called you for the first time in a few weeks because there was no one else besides soobin i wanted to talk to about my dad dying, you showed up to my place kind of normal again.

[henry] i don't want to say "sober" because you probably weren't, but you were at least on fewer substances than i was used to at the time, so you seemed sober.

[henry] you weren't in a place to show up for people long-term because you were suffering, too, but you tried. you checked on me every day for a few weeks until finals hit and everything got crazy for everyone. well, no, until we threw that intervention for you right before finals. nonetheless, i appreciated the effort.

[henry] it stopped me from cutting you out, so there's that.

[henry] i'm not trying to sound rude either, please don't take it that way. it was just a lot. i would have regretted it if i cut you out, and i didn't want to at my core because i do not want to do life without you, but i didn't think you had it in you to get out of that spiral you were in for years. i really did not. i thought you were done for.

[henry] i'm sensitive, even if i never sound like it. i was mad at you for bad behavior, but i was also, um, really sad to see you like that. i love you. i've loved you as a brother and a best friend for almost my entire life. and i did not think i could stomach watching you die at your own hand. it made me sick.

[henry] and it probably makes me a bad friend to have felt that way. one, to have thought about cutting you out, and two, to have had so little faith left in you. you deserved more faith from me. if the roles were reversed, you'd never give up on me.

[grant] don't say that. everyone has their limit, and it's hard to know where it is until you finally hit it. i would have one, too.

[grant] and man, you were meant to feel that way. i meant it when i told you i pushed people away purposely.

[grant] whatever conscience and consciousness i had during that time always reminded me that i was terrified of hurting other people. i was very well aware i was probably causing, like, terrible amounts of pain to my friends and family, and i didn't want to do more damage when i killed myself, so...

[grant] yeah, i always meant to kill myself. i thought about it every day for years, honestly all the way back into high school, and i got super close to trying it about a billion times, but i only ever went through with any of my plans once.

[grant] and i'll regret for the rest of my life that you and my grandparents had to see what i did to myself on graduation night.

[grant] but anyway, i chose to have those awful behaviors because i felt like if i ran everybody off and made them leave, they'd be glad i was dead and wouldn't hate me for what i did and just forget me.

[grant] terrible, terrible strategy! like holy shit! i also entirely regret acting out like that, the much happier and stable version of myself from the last, like, eight years realizes that made everything worse and wouldn't have fixed anything anyway.

[grant] trying not to hurt people by hurting them upfront is a fucked up strategy. just entirely fucked up and counterintuitive.

[henry] no, it wouldn't have worked. you'd have left everyone traumatized by not being able to repair things with you.

[henry] so, whether you like it or not, people do like you. people tend to really, really like you. you have a very magnetic, charming personality that very few other people in the world share.

[henry] and people do want you around. i want you around.

[henry] i know what i just said, but i really do want you around.

[henry] but also, wow. i guess you did a great job at trying to run us off since it almost worked on me.

[grant] it was easier than acknowledging people care about me or worry about me. i'm not good at that.

[grant] oh, and in those rare early moments where i thought that i needed help, i was scared everyone would only ever see me as a fucked up shell of a human being. like if i got better, i would still be reduced to the guy with problems.

[grant] i'm glad that i regret trying to kill myself. there's a lot i would have missed out on, including the chance to be nice to myself. but i do worry that some of those things are true, that fucked up is the only way people see me, even strangers.

[grant] i feel like glass sometimes. like everyone looks through me and sees the worst in me and only the worst.

[henry] i'm sorry you feel that way.

[henry] it's a little ironic, though. the more you hold back from telling your loved ones these things or try to push us away so we never see you struggling with anything ever, the more we worry you have the same exact problems that almost killed you before.

[grant] i've really backed myself into a corner, eh?

[henry] there's about a million things i could respond to that with, but here's the most important one. you're worth worrying about.

[henry] you spend your life looking after people and telling everyone to care about others, like you just told me to worry about my future kids, but you seriously do not believe you deserve that in return, and i don't get it. no, i do, but i don't.

[henry] yes, your parents taught you that you don't deserve love, but then again...

[grant] i'm trying to believe. and i have gotten at least a little better. my birthday, you know? i handled that pretty well.

[henry] everyone has flaws. we could and should try harder to not emphasize yours so much. but i don't see those flaws first. and if i do think about them, it's because i don't want them to take you away.

[henry] you don't see my flaws first, do you? clearly, you don't. right? you don't act like you see them.

[henry] the person i see you as is the kid who became friends with me two decades ago. some random nice kid who approached the one new kid at the park sitting by himself and played with him even though they couldn't talk to each other yet. some random kid who learned the basics of my language on the internet to write me a sweet letter saying, "hi, i'm grant, i'm six years old, and i want to be your friend." it didn't even matter it was written poorly.

[henry] i see a lot of good things in you. remember, i was just telling everyone about how nice you were to help me save the first dinner i hosted for soobin. a day ago, you helped me get over failure, one of my lifelong biggest fears, for an hour or two.

[henry] but i think our beginning sums you up nicely. i don't know anyone else who would have gone to such lengths for some nobody new kid. you didn't owe me your time or your respect and yet you gave it to me. and that was a weird time in my life. everything turned upside down when i moved. to have a friend like you then was...

[henry] and of course, nothing's changed. you're still a kind person. you're funny. you're smart. you're just you. you're one of the only people on earth who isn't fake. the kid i remember isn't gone. i'm glad he survived. i'm glad i didn't lose him.

[grant] despite everything, it's still me?

[henry] yes. but so we're clear, you don't have to do nice things to be worthy of being liked. you're likable on your own. i'm only saying that your kindness stands out to me, and i know that you value that trait, so it bears mentioning. you've been very good to me. i can forgive the times when you weren't. i've been a jackass before, too. i've probably been a jackass to you.

[grant] i feel like we've said thanks a lot today but thanks for sticking with me. don't feel bad that you thought i couldn't get better. that was my fault. but you're still here. and you showed up on graduation night for me. i'm beyond sorry that you had to see any of that, like i cannot repent or apologize enough in my lifetime, but thank you.

[grant] i owe you my life.

[grant] i owe you a lot but that first.

[grant] i've said it before but it should be repeated, you know? i definitely would have died if you didn't come that night. aside from my uncle, you're the only one i know who can pick a lock.

[henry] just do not make me do it again. i would show up a second time, but it would be better on my psyche if that was unnecessary.

[grant] it won't happen again. i've been good for a long time, but i'm great now and most of all, appropriately medicated for bipolar disorder. it's all going to be okay.

[grant] we're going to go home, continue being best friends forever, you're going to be a great dad one day.

[henry] and you will get your job back!

[grant] great minds think alike! now, how much longer until the arcade? i promise i'll let you win a game of air hockey for once.

[majaloveschris]

Maja I think I understand why some people believe this marriage is PR but from my point of view it's just people's way to try to cope with the fact that Chris is not the man they thought he was, so they try to paint it like he was "forced" to be in this relationship like he's not a millionaire who can do whatever he wants with his life...see I could write an entire essay about "why this makes sense" but I honestly think it wouldn't matter 'cause people will believe what they want to believe, I guess once the rose colored glasses are off people will finally see the obvious reality in front of them which is, he married a younger woman just like most man in Hollywood and he's happy with his choice otherwise he wouldn't have married her, and he's talking about his marriage and showing off his ring at every opportunity because he wants everybody to know that he is a married man, that's why all the articles about the wedding and so on...now I don't know how long this relationship is going to last due to the big age difference, only time will tell.

I see where you are coming from, and I agree that one of the reasons why it's so hard for some people to believe in this being real is because it would be hard to accept that he is okay with their behavior or that he is just like them.

However, I find it simply impossible that he would've been able to keep his true side hidden. And I don't care how good Disney's PR team is; there is now a way, in my opinion, that he would've been able to act like a whole different person for the last 20+ years, every time, in every situation. I know we don't know him personally, but I think his being racist or antisemitic would've made quite a buzz. And he wouldn't have friends or wouldn't have dated someone if he despised something in them; that is a really determining attribution to the person they are.

If there is a contract, he is indeed "forced" to be with her if he doesn't want to have its consequences, and I'm not talking about paying a certain amount of money, but other things too, which I won't mention since I don't want to give ideas. He could've been, however, pressured into this PR shitshow by his team for whatever reasons. If it's PR and if there is a contract, then yeah, he was stupid to get involved, but that is Hollywood, and people have done way worse things for roles or money than being involved in a PR relationship. So yeah, if it's fake, he was stupid to sign anything or to think it's a good idea.

What you don't understand is that most people have bigger problems with her than her age. See, their age when they met (23; 39) is problematic since she was in her early 20s, and if there wasn't any other problem with her, maybe I would also be fixated on their age gap. But the biggest problem, and why a lot of people don't support their relationship, is her and her friends' behavior. Their antisemitic, Nazi-supporting, fatshaming words and their immaturity are the biggest problems. People (women and men both) get married to younger or older people every single day, and while I don't agree with most of those, here we have much bigger problems.

But why does he want people to know it this much? Why? Why does a relatively private guy need this much buzz around his relationship when he hasn't felt the need for it for years? What are they trying to prove? That they are legit? Or that they are happy?

Considering everything that has happened and how they look when they are around each other, I'd rather believe this is fake than that they are happy together or that he is like them.

[holdmytesseract]

Against the odds

Chapter Five - In Vino Veritas

a/n: Oop... 👀 @ladycamillewrites

Word Count: 4,2k

Warnings for this Chapter: alcohol, a few swear words, mentions of past trauma, breakup, toxic relationship, nudity

Masterlist

"Aaand cut!" The director yelled, causing everybody to switch out of their roles, including you and Tom. The participants of the last scene for today came all to stand in a circle around the camera team. "Great work today, guys! We'll see you all on Monday! Have a good night's rest and weekend!" Anne announced, smiling brightly in the round, before she started to clap. Everybody just joined in, applauding and motivating one another.

After everyone bid their goodbyes to the others around, you and Tom parted ways to get out of costume and make-up. "Hey Tom! Finally wrapped up filming for today?" Lydia - one of the lovely costume designers - welcomed the actor with a smile in the costume trailer. "Good evening, Lydia." He gave her a kind, friendly smile as well. "Five minutes ago, yes. I think this was the longest day of filming so far." Tom stated with a small laugh, before he vanished in his small changing booth to get out of costume. "Yep, I think so too!" Lydia responded, popping the p. Tom changed within ten minutes, while small-talking with the friendly woman. After that was done, he was finally ready to go home and enjoy the rest of the evening. He handed his costume over with a smile. "Thanks, Lydia. See you on Monday." "Sure thing, Tom. See you. Good night!" "Night!" Now, clad in a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt, he made his way over to your trailer. Tom, being the British gentleman he was, waited of course for his co-star - and the lovely woman which was slowly but surely taking over his heart. Okay... Who was he kidding? The little sister of his brother-from-another-mother had already stolen his heart. That was at least how it felt like - and Tom knew that feeling. He knew how it felt like to be in love. And how could he not fall for this wonderful, kind, smart and talented woman? It was literally impossible. Inevitable. Actually, Tom had decided to wait, take some time for himself, before he was going to strike up a new relationship after all the shit that happened with Taylor. But well... His heart seemed to ignore what his head was saying and just decided to act on its own, throwing Tom over the edge and into a new abyss of love. What was it his mum always said? You can't choose with whom or when or how you fall in love, son. It just happens. Tom had to smile at the thought of his mum.

"What got you smiling like that?" A voice suddenly interrupted his train of thoughts. Your voice. The Brit breathed out a small laugh, baby blues meeting Y/E/C ones, as his cheeks turned red; embarrassed about the fact that the woman, which was on his mind almost constantly 'caught' him literally in the act. "I was just thinking about my mum." It wasn't a lie. He did think of his mother - in connection to her, but Tom wasn't ready and way too shy to admit it. "You were thinking about your mum?" He nodded, still smiling. "Yeah." You started to smile as well. "How cute. My brothers also always make me smile when I think of them... Especially Chris, that goofball." Tom had to giggle at her words. "Ehehe, well yes. I can relate. He's always up for a little fun." "Oh definitively!" You and Tom shared a laugh, before you got quiet for a moment. "Are you finished?" Tom asked his co-star. You looked down yourself, were now dressed in jeans and a hoodie as well. "Yep. Ready to go. You too?" "Yeah." "Perfect. So... I'll see you tomorrow then." You wanted to lean in to give your 'friend' a hug and say goodbye, but he held out his hand, politely refusing her hug - which left the woman in slight confusion. "No, absolutely not." You furrowed your brows. "What...?" "Y/N... It's quite late. London can be dangerous at night and I refuse to let you walk to your hotel alone. I live five minutes away from the set. Why don't you just stay at my house for the night?" Your eyes widened at the Brit's suggestion. "T-Tom... That's super sweet and kind of you, but... I-I don't know... I really don't want to be a burden." Tom immediately shook his head. "You are everything Y/N, but not a burden." You bit your lip, weighing your options. "I've got a really great Chardonnay, waiting at home..." Tom smiled, trying to persuade you. "And I am going to cook for you the best Spaghetti you ever had in your life." "Wine? Spaghetti? Tom... Don't tempt me..." You said with a giggle, causing the Brit to chuckle as well. "But what if I do want to temp you, darling?" He noticed how your cheeks turned into a soft shade of red. "Okay, okay, fine!" "Yes!" Tom cheered like he had just won a bet. "But if that Spaghetti is not even close to my mum's Spaghetti, I am leaving!" You joked and teased Tom, making him chuckle again. "I promise, darling, you won't be disappointed."

About an hour later, you sat in Tom's fancy dining room, at the wooden dining table, waiting for him to serve the 'world's best' Spaghetti. No five minutes later he appeared with two dishes of steaming hot Spaghetti - and oh lord did it smell delicious. "Dinner is ready, milady." The Brit announced with that sexy accent, causing your knees to turn into jelly. "May I serve you this delicious meal?" You giggled at his words, nodding. "Please, Sir. I'm starving." With a smile placed Tom the dish in front of you, before he sat opposite you. "I hope you like it." "We'll see." You teased and twirled the Spaghetti around your fork, before popping the sauce covered noodles into your mouth to get a taste. Only now did you realise, that Tom had slightly changed his look. The sleeves of his pristine white shirt were rolled up, exposing his strong, muscular arms. The top three buttons of his shirt were undone, giving her a glimpse of the exposed skin on his chest and the fine, dark hair lurking out from beneath the fabric. The woman swallowed hard. It wasn't something she hadn't seen before. After all, she had been filming a sex scene with that man not so long ago, and yet the sight left her speechless. Breathless. Right here, right now, in this situation, it felt much more... personal and private. Almost intimately. It was a whole different situation. And then there were the pair of glasses, which sat upon Tom's nose. That was new - and lord have mercy was it hot. You never saw Tom in glasses before, but now that you did, you never wanted him to take them off. "Do you not like it?" Tom's voice - laced with a bit of sadness suddenly cut through the air, causing you to snap out of your haze. You blinked, needed to process his words first. Once your brain had caught up, you quickly chewed on the Spaghetti and shook your head, trying to tell him that this was absolutely not the case. "No, no! Gods, no! I love it! It's amazing! World's best Spaghetti, indeed!" Tom luckily didn't seem to notice the way your mind went blank for a short amount of time. He smiled a boyish smile. "Even better than your mum's Spaghetti?" The man asked sheepishly, adjusting his glasses. You smirked, took another bite of the Spaghetti, before you started to nod. "Yep, yeah, definitely." The Brit chuckled and placed a large hand on his chest. "I feel deeply honoured. Thank you, darling."

After dinner, you helped Tom to clean up - even if he didn't want it, but you insisted. While Tom put away the last dish, you leaned against the kitchen counter, steadying yourself with your hands. "You were talking about a Chardonnay earlier, weren't you?" You asked with a cheeky smile. Your words caused Tom to snort out a laugh. "I mentioned it, yes. Would you like some?" His gaze met yours. You bit your lip. "Only if you drink with me." "If you wish, milady." That boyish smirk reappeared on his lips, as he nodded towards his living room. "Make yourself comfortable, darling." You didn't let yourself tell that twice, of course and sat down on the comfortable sofa, while Tom fetched two wine glasses and his expensive Chardonnay. Plopping beside you on the sofa, he poured the French wine into the two glasses. "There we go..." Tom announced, lifting his glass, in order to clink it against yours. "Here's to you and your first movie!" The Brit said with a charming smile on his face, causing your knees to weaken even once again. "Thanks, Tom." You clinked your glass against his and took a sip. After sip, after sip, after sip.

They say alcohol lowers the inhibitions. It makes people more talkative and bolder. Perhaps, this was also something which happened to Tom and you... Especially, after the bottle of wine was almost half empty... "Now tell me, darling..." Tom started, feeling the alcohol slowly overtaking his system. He still knew what he was doing, but he definitely was tipsy - and that tipsiness caused him to be way bolder than he usually was. "Why is the beautiful little sister of my brother-from-another-mother still single?" The now cocky, but yet incredibly charming Brit asked, taking another sip of the wine. You snorted out a laugh, being just as tipsy as Tom. "Welllll..." You said, drawing out the l. "Because I seem to have the talent to only fall in love with assholes." Tom frowned. "Why's that?" You shrugged your shoulders almost over dramatically. "My high school boyfriend - if you can even call him that - was a prick. My first real boyfriend was a cheater - so was the second; and my ex-boyfriend Nate is all of the above..." The happy, wanton mood suddenly turned, became serious and rather sad. "The relationship was... toxic. Unhealthy. Guess I am still kinda suffering from this..." Tipsy talk was now deep talk, after those words had left your lips. "I saw through Nate's toxic behaviour way too late... It would've spared me a lot, but well... In the end, I did see through his behaviour, and that's what matters, I think." Tom's expression turned sad as well. Eyes filled with compassion and sorrow. "What... What did he do?" The Brit asked carefully. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, for sure." You shook your head. "I do want to talk about it. It's kind of therapeutic to me, so..." Tom nodded, gently taking your hand in his, giving it a soft, encouraging squeeze. "At the beginning of our relationship, everything was fine. Dreamlike, really. I loved him, he loved me. It was almost picture perfect. Almost. After a few months, he started to become more... clingy. It was nothing bad at first, but at some point, Nate's attachment turned into obsession. He was always complaining that I spent too less time with him - even if I did. He hated it, when I visited my family or friends." You sighed, taking another sip. "Nate loved to manipulate me. He fucked with my mind; made me believe that I always was the one to blame... He may have not physically abused me, but... Maybe psychologically." You swallowed hard; vivid memories running through your mind and reminding you of your past. "T-There was a lot about sex as well, but... I-I don't want to dig deeper into this topic." And another sip, while Tom just listened patiently and attentively. "Hey, that's okay. You don't have to tell me everything. If you're not comfortable with this, it's okay." You just nodded, trying to hold back the tears. How could this man be so... perfect? He was understanding, kind, compassionate and above all supportive and a real gentleman. Tom gave your hand another soft squeeze. "Man... This guy really sounds like the biggest asshole around." "Precisely, yes... I never met a bigger asshole." Tom sighed. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this. No woman ever deserves such a man - and certainly not you. You deserve a good guy. A man who knows how to treat a lady. Someone who loves you just the way you are and respects you and your choices..." A man like you, you mean? You thought, as Tom's words urged to your ears. Exactly a man like you. "A gentleman." You. Your cheeks reddened at his words - and it wasn't just caused by the alcohol. "Thank you so much for listening to me, Tom - and for your kind words. Really. Thank you." The man gave you a small smile. "Of course, darling."

There were a few moments of silence, in which both of you took a big sip of the Chardonnay. The alcohol caused you to be braver and bolder as well. Not just Tom. "And what about you, Mr. Hiddleston? Why is such a charming man like you single?" Said man lowered his head with a chuckle. "Well... I guess I just didn't find my soulmate yet." He quickly lifted his head once again to look you directly in the eyes. "I'm still waiting for the right woman..." You took another sip. "So... Taylor wasn't the right woman?" The Brit shook his head, "No, she definitely wasn't." and nursed his wine glass as well. "Taylor was... She was..." Tom paused. "I don't even know what she was, to be honest." "Did you love her?" He thought for a moment, then started to nod. "Yes, I did, but... I guess it was too rushed. We both kind of jumped into that relationship. One minute, we were on cloud nine and the next, we hit the harsh ground of reality. We were looking for something - but not the same thing. Taylor needed a getaway and I... Well, I guess I just wanted to find true love." Your expression saddened, as you listened to Tom's not quite picture-perfect love story. "I'm sorry, Tom." You sighed. "Seems like we are both falling in love with the wrong people..." "Seems so, yes..." A long beat of silence passed, in which you and Tom just looked at each other, lost in each other's eyes - until Tom cleared his throat. "It taught me something important, though." "Yeah?" "Yes... If I ever find myself in a romantic relationship again, I am going to keep it as private as possible. I think that was another reason why our relationship failed. The publicity, press, social media... It was too much." You nodded sadly. "Yeah... I know exactly what you mean..." You felt how Tom took your hand in his once more, causing you to meet his gaze again. "Let's not talk any further about our shitty and fucked up love life." Tom smiled and went to refill the wine glasses. "We got each other, don't we? And a huge movie project, which is going to be - without a doubt, astonishing." He lifted to clink his glass against yours for the second time that night. You smiled broadly. "Absolutely."

Needless to say, the rest of the evening was very cheerful. In between funny jokes, embarrassing college stories and casual small talk was every topic present. You and Tom really had a blast - and a whole bottle of Chardonnay; causing you both to get wine drunk and facing the consequences the next morning...

Tom awoke quite early on that Saturday morning. Blinking his eyes open, he adjusted to the early morning sun. He shifted and searched for his phone to check the time. That was the moment, when he realised that he ended up on the sofa the previous night; still clad in his jeans and shirt. The good thing was, that he remembered what happened last night. It was a bit hazy, but he still remembered... Eating Spaghetti with you. Talking the whole evening to you - and well, getting drunk with you. Slowly, he swung his legs over and sat up. His head throbbed immediately at this movement, causing him to hiss at the sharp pain. Fuck. Tom thought and looked around in search for you, but the only thing he found was his phone, laying on the floor beneath the sofa. He picked it up to check the time. Eight o'clock. The actor had probably never been more relieved before, that he didn't need to work today. Yawning, he stood up and wanted to find you first. So, he looked around his house. Luckily, Tom did find you. Deep asleep, literally knocked out in- He swallowed hard at the sight in front of him. In his bed. Tom had absolutely no idea how you got there but... It sent his heart almost skyrocketing. The Brit had to admit, that this was a sight he could definitely get used to. With a smile, he left his bedroom again; decided not to wake you and take a shower now. That was exactly what he did. The hot water managed to somehow wake him up, but he was still quite woozy and definitely out of it; the alcohol still coursing through his veins, fogging his brain. With not a single care in the world, he exited the shower. Lazily, Tom brushed his teeth, when his stomach growled, reminding him that it was probably time to eat something.

After he was finished, he closed the bathroom door shut behind himself and made his way towards the kitchen - when his body suddenly collided with another body, causing him to stumble back a bit. His eyes landed on the person he had just almost ran over. You. She must've gotten up while I was showering, the Brit thought. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Y/N, I... Good morning." He smiled, scratching the back of his neck. "No, I'm sorry. It's my fault, I should've been more care... ful..." You trailed off, when you noticed Tom's appearance. It was obvious that he had just taken a shower. The scent of his shampoo and bodywash wafting through the air and hitting your olfactory nerves. It was intoxicating. You looked up at him, blinking; overwhelmed by the sudden situation you were thrown into. You desperately tried to not get distracted, but of course you couldn't help yourself. It was too tempting. You just had to ogle the handsome man standing in front of you...

Your eyes started their journey at his gorgeous face. Wet, short blonde-brown hair was curling itself on top of his head, causing a few droplets to run down the side of his face. Past those baby blue eyes, which were shining in the early morning sunlight. Over those razor-sharp cheekbones, shaved cheeks and defined jawline. The droplets dripped onto his bare chest, hungry eyes following them, as they grazed those strong pecs, pushing their way through the fine, curly hairs on his chest and down those delicious abs. You shortly feared that his cute belly button would stop the droplet you were particularly fallowing, but no, it didn't. Your eyes and the water droplet were able continue your journey. After passing his belly button, the droplet got a bit slowed down by the defined and trimmed line of dark hair - Tom's happy trail, before it disappeared beneath the fabric of the tow- Hold on for a second. That didn't look like a towel- Oh shit... Your eyes widened, before you quickly averted them; cheeks turning beet red. Tom didn't wear a towel. He wore nothing, was completely naked. Your brain was a mess; moments away from just short-circuiting. Your co-star, friend, crush - hence, probably the man of your dreams, was standing in front of you, without a single piece of clothing. Tom noticed the change of your facial expression - and suddenly had a very bad assumption... The actor blinked, trying to get his thoughts together. "I-I sincerely hope and pray to god that t-there's a towel covering m-my..." Tom trailed off, still in some kind of haze, entirely starstruck. You swallowed hard, trying desperately not to look. You shook your head, completely tensed up. "N-No... There, uh... There i-isn't a t-towel..." Tom squeezed his eyes shut, cheeks turning deep red in sheer endless embarrassment. "Fuck..." His brain, which had suddenly been kickstarted, due to the shocking realisation, that he stood in front of the woman he had more than likely fallen in love with - butt naked, told him to react and to just do something. Preferably cover it. Eyes widening in shock, he quickly moved his hands in front of his crotch, covering his most private parts. Fuck, fuck, fuck, the Brit thought. He felt not just utterly embarrassed of his stupid, headless behaviour, no, he also felt idiotic for probably messing up the miniature chance he had to somehow conquer that beautiful woman's heart. Well... He more than likely just forfeited that chance. "I-I'm so sorry, I... I-I'm g-going to..." Tom stuttered, gesturing with his head towards his bedroom. You understood, of course. "Y-Yeah..." Still with cheeks as red as a tomato, he walked towards his bedroom, closing the door quickly behind himself. He leaned against the cool wooden surface, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Fuck.

Little did Tom know, that this little incident didn't forfeit his chance. Not at all... It rather increased it. Sure, it was an awkward situation, but you would lie if you were saying that you didn't enjoy this little... show. Tom was more than just handsome; hotter than a volcano. Ten minutes later, after getting his shit somehow together and dressed, he reappeared, immediately apologising for his behaviour. From that point on, everything seemed to be... not quite the same. The incident definitely changed the relationship. Although, neither you, nor Tom could point a finger on what it was exactly.

Breakfast was... awkward, to say the last. You and Tom ate in quiet; both of you trying to play off what had happened twenty minutes ago. In the end, you both decided to just pretend it never happened, although it affected you and Tom.

Later on, Tom decided to accompany you back to the hotel in which you stayed. "You really don't have to do that, Tom, really." He shook his head, giving you a soft smile. "I insist. It's the least I can do, after getting you wine drunk yesterday." You stifled a giggle. "It was my decision too, you know." "Yes, but nevertheless. Please." "Okay."

Said and done. You and Tom got ready to go out and headed for the hotel you were staying in. It wasn't a long walk, probably twenty minutes, stopping a few meters away from the big, fancy entrance. "Thanks, Tom." You stated with a smile. "For everything. For dinner. For listening to me. For breakfast. For walking me 'home'..." A boyish smile tugged at the Brit's lips. "Even for getting you wine drunk?" You laughed, "Even for that, yes." causing Tom to chuckle as well. "You're welcome, darling - and uh..." He nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Sorry again for... You know..." You waved him off, felt the blood rush into your cheeks. "It's okay, really. Such things happen after getting drunk, so..." The man nodded, although still felt like a total idiot. Before the awkward silence was able to get even more awkward, Tom cleared his throat. "Alright, um... I'll head back now. Enjoy the weekend. I'll see you on Monday." "Yes, sure. You too. See you on Monday." Both of you leaned in to embrace each other in a friendly hug, before Tom turned on his heels and walked back to his home.

Unbeknownst to them, didn't stay their little walk and hug unnoticed... A man with curly red hair had witnessed the scenes in front of his eyes, from where he stood across the street of Tom's house. He was of course quick to draw his camera to snap pictures. Y/N Hemsworth leaving her co-star Tom Hiddleston's house? That piqued the journalist's interest, of course. He followed them secretly, witnessed the hug and snapped another few pictures. For him, the situation was obvious. Smirking at the seemingly new discovered secret, he fished his mobile out of the pocket of his jeans to call his boss. "Hello?" "Well, good morning to you, too, Kate." "Why are you calling me this early on a Saturday morning, Pete? I hope you've got a good reason for that." Pete's smirk widened. "Oh indeed, I have. I just snapped a few interesting pictures of our British sunny boy with his so-called co-star." "Hiddleston and Hemsworth?" Pete nodded, although Kate wasn't able to see it. "Exactly. Take a look at the pictures I sent you." "Alright, give me a minute." A beat of silence passed, before Kate's voice echoed through the line once again. "Ohh, Pete, Pete, Pete... Those pictures are a game changer!" She exclaimed, "Well, well, look at that... Is Y/N now into London boys? Barely four months separated from her football sweetheart and now that... Angling herself Britain's hottest actor, my my..." and chuckled maliciously. "Pete, you're my golden boy! This headline is going to be terrific!"

Tagging: @crimson25 @kikster606 @huntress-artemiss @123forgottherest @lovingchoices14 @ozymdias @vbecker10 @coldnique @lokixryss @simplyholl @peaches1958 @lokibadguy @jennyggggrrr @stephenstrangeaddictions @holymultiplefandomsbatman @gigglingtigger @mischief2sarawr @mypsychoticlove @mochie85 @muddyorbs @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @simping-for-marvel @lady-rose-moon @goblingirlsarah @kats72 @vickie5446 @buffyfan2833 @12-pm-510 @ladymischief11 @somewiseguy @woooonau @cabingrlandrandomcrap

[cannibalismyuri]

coming out as a passive jopper hater bc the insane level of capitalist pandering they did with s3 (with ERICA who is like. one of the worst, stereotyped portrayals of a black girl ive ever seen, bless her heart) was truly crazy. combine that with the copaganda and the general attitude of hopper in s3 which was played off as 'awkward loser guy doesnt know what to do with Feelings more at 8' was a bit .... Eh :/ to me. because it is so obviously a fictional character and show but like. disliking hopper/jopper bc of the ideals st is perpetuating and the fact that they arent compatible at All in s3 (to me, atleast) is valid. some ppl might just think that jopper is unhealthy and/or 'overrated'. because they do sort of pay a disproportionate amount of attention to jopper, compared to the other canon romantic ships (afaik, bc of the screen time counter) and that can be Weird, esp with the... how should i say this? balancer/savior role hopper takes in the relationship (we constantly see him placating joyce, sometimes even being slightly patronizing, and also they place a lot of importance on him saving joyce from a lot of stuff, which is cool and sick if it wasnt for the fact that it directly correlates with him being a cop, yk). and the general power imbalance bc he's a Cop and abuses his position of power constantly, and that is exactly Why anything that joyce does is seen as a #insane girlboss category 5 woman moment because she simply has the short stick in the power race and when she does manage to make an impact DESPITE her economic/social/'general uselessness in say in Major decision-making when it comes to authorities' shortcomings it is seen as an amazing win. hopper on his own is extremely fleshed out as well, because we get to see his arc play out with his relationships with his daughter and ex-wife and el and re-learning how to be a parent and how to not let love allude him, and that is lovely! it's so great to see the adults in the show being focused on! but joyce is absolutely disregarded and underdeveloped as a character of her own right outside of her relationships with hopper or her kids. we see that she is determined and a force to be reckoned with and that she cares very deeply for the people she loves and would go to insane lengths for them but all that doesn't Mean anything, because we never see a backstory for her. we never figure out who she is without her family or hopper, or what her motives and aspirations and emotional shortcomings and stumbles and mistakes are. for a character to be fully fleshed out, they need to be an interesting, refreshing and palatable character On Their Own without their relationships with other characters, and we just don't see that with joyce. like u have Thee winona ryder on ur show, and u forsake developing her character in favor of developing hopper's character with /not the best taste/ and causing her to be a blank slate of a mother, lover, woman and friend, but not a PERSON. all she's been reduced to is a Mother and Hopper's Girlfriend, and honestly, that's the worst decision they could've made in relation to her and her relationship with hopper.

anyway, all this to say; these are my thoughts on the matter, but i'm definitely not hating on people who enjoy jopper passively and DEFINITELY not any by/ler (the most predominant fandom im part of in the parent fandom of st) who enjoys them as a ship with their own dynamic separate from canon. because the by/ler fandom is NOT a monolith and nobody is obligated to agree with me or change their opinion if it doesn't align with mine or be forced to look at my opinion and feel bad for shipping anything. im not going to act Holier Than Thou for expressing my opinion and u should definitely continue shipping jopper if it makes u happy! as long everybody recognizes the copaganda and capitalist mindset grind propaganda shit in st (which is Pretty Obvious) and respects that while shipping what they want, i have no problem with it. all that is to say; peace and fucking love. can we (the by/ler fandom) stop fighting abt jopper we all have our own opinions this is bc we are Not a hivemind or a monolith and not obligated to have the same opinions relating to all aspects of st just because we happen to ship one thing. i am a hater and a lover

[ittlebitz]

10 QL People That I Want Carnally

I was tagged by @sunshinesanctuary

Thank you, bebe, this was fun! I know the original call is for 10, but I never saw a limit I didn't want to challenge. Whatever, whatever, I do what I want. So, in no particular order:

1. Inspector M - Manner of Death (Great Sapol)

Look at him. LOOK. AT. HIM. Absolutely adorable and also hot as hell. He can slap those cuffs on me any time he pleases. If he stands still long enough I will most definitely climb him like a tree (and that goes double for Great himself tbh).

2. Jang Jaeyoung - Semantic Error (Park Seoham)

Yeah, yeah, he's cocky and a bit of a slacker, but he is also smart, talented, and let's be real, a grade A simp. Don't get me started on that lip piercing...

3. Choi Jun - Jun & Jun (Ki Hyun Woo)

Like, they gave me this man's bare back within the first 30 seconds of the first episode, was I not supposed to get thirsty?

4. Yi Phayak Chatdecha Chen - Naughty Babe (Max Kornthas)

Ah, Hia Yi. Wealthy, handsome, super overprotective of his beloved. Bit of a control freak but not ashamed of giving up control in the bedroom. Love that for him (me).

5. Phaya - The Sign (Billy Patchanon)

Look, I am a simple woman. I just want him to put his hand around my throat, pin me, and call me a good girl. I don't think that's asking for too much.

6. Patts - La Pluie (Pee Peerawich)

My beloved. He was just so good, you know? He has a good job and loves animals. He dresses nicely and charms the parents. And then a total lover in between the sheets. Let the rain come down.

7. Payu - Love In The Air (Boss Chaikamon)

I'm pretty sure this man was singularly responsible for the meltdown of several of my brain cells. His looks, his demeanor, his dominance, his *gestures vaguely* everything, you know?

8. Jeng Kittiphong - Step By Step (Man Trisanu)

I know for a fact that I was not the only one who had their brain short circuit during this scene. I am willing to hold a towel for him and even help him wipe down after working out. I am also willing to work him out (wink wonk).

9. Fighter - Why R U (Zee Pruk)

Oh my god but he was so cute. The hot guy everybody wanted who had no idea how to act when he had a crush on a pretty boy. You just KNOW he kisses like an absolute dream. Also, when he was crying during the breakup scene I was ready to fly to Thailand and start throwing hands, I don't even care.

10. Bai Zongyi - Kiseki: Dear To Me (Taro Lin)

My guilty pleasure entry. Yes, I know he's a young'un and I should be ashamed but he has those giant yaoi paws (that scene where he is holding both of Zherui's hands with just one of his absolutely makes my teeth sweat) and obviously likes manhandling his crush/lover at any given opportunity. Plus he is a professional baker? Sign me UP.

11. Pisaeng- Be My Favorite (Gawin Caskey)

This is a guy who will cherish you with everything he has and will be a romantic sap about it. (I knew Gawin would be on this list, I just had to determine which role I chose...honestly he could have been on here multiple times)

12. Maya - Laws of Attraction (Silvy Pavida)

She can sing, she can dance, she can be a double agent performing espionage, and she is sooooooo hot it almost hurts to look at her. All I am saying is she can step on me and I will thank her profusely.

13. Neur - Cutie Pie (Tutor Koraphat)

This man showed up fully intending to Cause Problems On Purpose and ended up simping for the quiet, shy, devout member of the friend group he inserted himself into, and we were all of us better for it. Satu. 🙏

14. Babe - Pit Babe (Pavel Phoom)

He's the top (ha!) racer, an alpha, and also 100% babygirl. One smirk from him and I am on my knees. Don't worry about me, though, I'm doing just fine. (I will say that I never thought I would see omegaverse on my screen and yet here we are in this year of our lord)

15. Vegas Theerapanyakul - KinnPorsche (Bible Wichapas)

My problematic meow meow. He's a gangster. He's a killer. He's a sadist into whips, chains, and torture, not necessarily in that order. He's got a bit of a case of little brother syndrome. And I adore him, faults and all.

Aaaaannnddd okay! So, I could likely absolutely keep going, but I think I am going to tap out while I still have at least some dignity left after exposing myself as the thirsty bitch that I am. I've lost track of who all has already done this, so I am not tagging anyone in particular. If you decide to do this, tag me and let me know so we can thirst together!

[system-of-a-feather]

[@A -- if that's still a thing]

Um, is it still ok for people to send advice requests? The post I found about it was 4 years old so I'm not sure if that's changed at all (but the fact I was searching deep enough in the persecutors tag to find a 4 year old post probably tells you something).

Like it's great and all to see people talking about how to help hosts connect with persecutors but I never see any advice for the actual persecutors.

I don't want to talk to the rest of my system. I don't want to talk to our friends or our therapist. I don't trust anybody. I hate everybody.

The others keep telling me the "bad stuff" is over and I don't have to keep being a persecutor. But I know better. There are always people just waiting for us to let our guards down. I hate them for being so vulnerable and then when it comes back to bite them, they act like they have any right to be hurt by it.

And they never listen to me. They act like I'M the pathetic one and feel sorry for me, and keep telling me stupid lies. The more they're nice to me the more I don't trust them, same for our friends and therapist. No one is ever nice without an ulterior motive, especially not to people like us who don't even deserve it.

But I feel kinda miserable. I don't really like when I hurt the others. Today I made my in-system big sis cry and she never cries. I feel stuck. I don't want to open up to anybody but I can't figure out the answer by myself.

Don't worry about it, it's cool XD We kinda just float on here to chat about things and are basically always open for casual advice and two cents on things, especially (but not exclusively) related to DID which is / was the obvious original premise of this blog. (also damn we've been running this blog for over four years damn)

Honestly, in our experience persecutors vary greatly related to the specific stuff they've been through, what sort of dynamics are being played with what parts, what situations trigger persecutory behavior, etc so I don't think there is really any "one size fits all" sort of thing I can particularly share.

Instead I can give some food for thoughts from our experiences in our system and you are more than welcome to send another ask if you have any comments or questions or anything on it - cause again, we are just here to sit and chat for the most part.

We have a good few "persecutors" but we also don't really use that as a role label anymore cause in our experience, persecutors just tend to be labeled that as a result of perspective and the direction that life is going which comes with an inherent bias to the host and prominent protecting parts. And due to that perspective and bias approach to the label, it kind of paints one side as the problem and the other side as the victim when really... its just a toxic breakdown of communication and missunderstanding between parts. I'm of the opinion that almost any part in most persecutor/persecutee dynamics (there are exceptions I've heard, but they're not standard) can be framed to be the persecutor OR the persecutee.

As a result, in our system, we comment on a part having "persecutory behavior" or "behaving in a persecutory manner" because it's a common issue a lot of parts in our system have. Some have it more than others, but in our experience, almost all parts have been in a position that could be considered a "persecutor" and that shift in language has honestly helped foster a lot more open dialogue and understanding between parts.

With that said - most of this is going to be things XIV has talked to me about as he actually is an ex "persecutor" part and one that talks and deals with persecutor parts the most as of the last two years - a lot of discussion on both ends tend to focus on the dysfunction and what the persecutor hates about the system or what the system can't stand / cope with regarding a persecutor and while that is TOTALLY fair and valid (shits hard to look past especially if its a large scale safety thing and a frequent thing that comes up), it's often not the most productive approach to the internal conflict

Typically it's a lot more productive to step aside from the surface level "this is dangerous" "this is stupid" "this person is an idiot" "this part is annoying" and the long list of things you hate about the system and specific parts and all the varying-levels-of-based criticisms / complaints and try to figure out and understand what exactly it is that you WANT - what are you looking for - what is driving and motivating your feelings, behavior, thoughts, and stances to all of that.

It's hard to address and satiate a list of the things you Don't Like when you have trauma cause - lets be real, the list is endless and its very easy to find more and more issues. Often beneath that list though, there is a core need, drive, interest, etc that means a lot to you that ties together a lot of why you feel and think the way that you do. If you can identify that core need, drive, and interest, it can really help communication and compromising between parts because more often than not, that core need, drive, and interest is likely compatible with the other part's core need, drive and interest - at least superficially.

If that same grounds can be made, then it can help really get parts hearing each other out because it forms a base of good faith.

It's hard to talk to one another when one part wants - for example - to have a person to love and to be loved and wants to seek out a relationship and ANOTHER part wants to keep things the way they are and wants to keep others away because its safer that way. Those two parts are arguing for incompatible demands and the conflict is not going to really go anywhere

Instead however, if we are talking about one part wanting to be loved and another part wanting safety - well there is a lot more discussion that can be done as to how the system can approach BOTH being loved AND safety.

Of course that requires all parties to be playing with an open mind to some modification to their initial demands and expectations, but it's a general approach that XIV tends to take with parts that are prone or actively behaving in persecutory manners cause it's how he tends to navigate it.

Also this advice isn't really meant to be directed at persecutors or "the other parts" cause again, we don't really see those as clean cut roles and generally think this is a sort of approach and philosophy and methodology that is something that all engaged parts would benefit from reflecting on.

Cause even if you don't like other parts, even if you HATE other parts, if you can clearly identify what it is you need in life and what it is you are driven and motivated by - it is very hard to deny some level of cooperation if the other party is actively offering to help you get the very thing that motivates you. You don't have to like someone to know that - due to sharing a body - having them on your side to get what you want / need is very helpful and important.

So I guess if I had to say any form of advice, I'd kinda want to ask what it is that you want from your life and what does that mean to you and just kinda think on it for some time.

It's more productive to stand for what you care for and need than it is to fight against what you hate.

Anyhow, thats my two cents on it, feel free to follow up if you like. We just like chattering online

[yezzyyae]

The Bear: Sydney is really the villain.

I can write about Sydney’s character being so annoying allday. I know Ayo Edebiri executive produce the show so she okay her character so I blame her. Sydney is came in with a chip on her shoulder she never ran a restaurant wasn’t in the best restaurants like Carmy but she came in like she did. She is soo impatient and that’s not a great trait. Sydney is the real villain in this show even my mom said so as she watched. And I’m black but I don’t root for everybody black esp if they are a rude person. Sydney never apologized she owes Richie an apology she owe the whole business one because Tina, Richie, and Marcus worked with Mikey and he was chaos she didn’t even give Carmy enough time he only been there like 1 month. Sydney is very impatient and it annoys me plus she is an asshole. I know hurt ppl hurt ppl and she was mad she back in her dad’s house but that weird always stuttering act she do is annoying.

Plus Sydney asking Carmy to help her on the expo when it was getting busy was so selfish you are the CDC it’s your job Carmy have other things to do. She messed up the vibe that’s why Carmy go upset and stuck in the fridge. It’s always Sydney but she play this role like everybody are assholes but her. She came right in judging the restaurant like Carmy who worked the best restaurant in the world couldn’t see that. When the staff stole her onions she acted like it was the end of the world she is sooo emotional and it sucks. She was a mad the executive chef Carmy went out the his gf’s table I am lost because how would Carmy being back there next to you make your life easier. Smh she always need reassurance which is def “Only Child Syndrome”. Carmy can’t okay everything that’s why he made Sydney his #2 & why would he call you when he tore the wall down Sydney can you help gut the walls out or have the money to pay to get it fixed. She is just in the restaurant acting like this is her life when she don’t have anything invested in it. She can easily walk away it’s weird cause how is she a partner. Sydney and Carmy only work in the menu together which Sydney don’t get anything right as they practice.

It’s so much for me to write about Sydney. I bet in season 3 they start exploring her asshole ways more. She is the only one who never accept when they are wrong she rather quit. When Carmy told her to cook the 7 fishes over or get another chef too she really was arguing with him then waited until Carmy signed her “I’m sorry” I was screaming like wtf Syd do what he say she always questioning Carmy when it comes to food when she can’t because he is a way better cook then her! I’m screaming now in my head over how much I hate Sydney’s character.

[morally-grey-girlbosses]

Nana Daiba Propaganda Post

Okay this got so very long so tl;dr: Local girl decides to engage on overprotective bs for an entire franchise, and goes from causing a bunch of time loops in the base series, trying to destroy a whole play in the game and both beating all of her friends in combat to lead them to their symbolic deaths so that they can symbolically be reborn also trying to get her roommate to be symbolically dead without that second step. Also she has two swords so she's automatically a girlboss.

Okay so this is going entirely off my knowledge of the anime, mobile game/ReLIVE and movie. If she did anything silly in the stageplays I do not know about it. So Nana is a funny little girl with so many issues. If you like anime girls in time loops, you'll love her, because she chose her time loop herself. She has abandonment issues like no other and she's so scared of her friends all growing up and going their separate ways that she decided to keep winning the auditions (/a series of funny little stage battles. Also there's swords. She has two of them which I think qualities her as a girlboss because lesbians with two swords are inherently cool) and choosing to repeat the same year and few months over and over. She kept doing this for decades, winning against even the top stars of her class, people more visibly talented than her, over and over. She did it partially because she wanted to protect everybody but also she was the only one with her fears so it was ultimately super selfish on her part. Not that she actually grew up or learned anything other that period of time, because so much of her character relates to how she's largely a tall child who did not consider letting go once. Eventually the childhood friends to lovers trope (Hikari and Karen) made it impossible for her to keep going with this, since they both beat her in the auditions.

Anyways now that we're done with that overprotective nonsense, let's move onto ReLIVE, where she does it again in a different form. This is the storyline to both introduce students from other schools and the Arcana Arcadia arc, which I'll be talking about now. So in this arc, what was known as Play A was causing all of the students to reach for the Unknown Lead. The problem was that this was fucking up peoples dynamics with each other, but in a way which was the pathway to change and growth. Nana is very anti-change when she sees it as harmful so of course she's back to her shenanigans. Aside from a brief talk with Junna early on, her first big appearance in the arc is when she's having a chat with Mahiru, and the hill Nana decides to die on is that there's not really any point in a lead role if anybody will have to be hurt at all by trying to get it. Mahiru points out that getting hurt is something they're all prepared for, and that was all of their choice. Almost like denying her friends and everybody she loves the choice or chance to face Nana's own fears/get hurt in any way is becoming a theme. Anyways, they have a revue over this, and Nana wins. After this, Nana ends up switching her attention from protesting the idea of plays having lead roles (as one done) to destroying this play as a whole, resolving to take everybody down and free them from what she sees as the madness the play has driven them all into, when they're all just passionate about a role and not really under a spell or being held captive like Nana says in her little monologue. Anyways, this is a bit short lived, because in her next appearance an act later, Maya, a fellow classmate and the top star Nana took down each time she began another reproduction/time loop, decided to invade her stage to fight against Nana. Nana takes this as a chance to talk about how much she thinks the play is hurting everybody, and reaffirms her viewpoint of the play being a source of madness. Maya points out how flawed Nana's viewpoint is, since she's once again selfishly denying everybody the chance to face any sort of hardship and grouping them all together as one thing she needs to protect. Then Nana says something strongly hinting at her reproductions and Maya simply decides not to unpack the implications there in favor of stepping on every moral which was driving Nana and leaving her with the realization that she messed up anyways.

And here's the movie. For context, at the end of the recap movie, which was the anime from Nana's POV, the symbolic deaths of the cast were strongly hinted at, and Nana knew about this. So naturally the next step was for her to beat all of her buddies in a 6v1 and restart the revues so that they could all reach their symbolic rebirths. Except Junna, her roommate/friend/the character she's usually paired with, was, in her eyes, incapable of recapturing her spark, so she ended up offering Junna an opportunity to choose her own end with one of Nana's weapons instead of trying to be symbolically reborn and just dying out pathetically as a result. Junna naturally was not really approving of this, so she ended up taking her sword to instead fight against her while making the point that her stage wasn't something Nana could make for her. And she won and the two of them promised to reunite but all of my emotions about that (which are very positive but are also just painted screaming) don't give her more morally gray or girlboss points while the rest of the revue at least gives her that first variety.

Anyways this girl keeps doing overprotective but very selfish things and also has two swords and the ability to use them so she is my funny little morally questionable girlboss. she also has girlflop traits but that coexists with the girlboss part because she is just a silly girl who has beaten 6 (maybe 5 technically) in combat singlehandedly