#i actually enjoyed today even though im still scared and anxious every time i go out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

Text

Crash Course - Bucky Barnes

a/n: this one? im in LOVE with this fic and im not even ashamed of it. there is just something about the MC helping him get used to living in the new century and im a sucker for it. so please enjoy this fluffy piece!

pairing: Bucky X Reader

word count: 3.6k

summary: Bucky is a regular at the café where you work at and seeing him struggling with technology, you offer to help him, teaching him the basics while you are both thinking about taking it a little further than just a crash course.

masterlist

The time between the morning rush and lunch time is always quiet, the café is almost completely empty, that’s why Bucky prefers to go out during that time, tuck himself away in the corner of the small but cozy place, a black coffee steaming on the wooden table in front of him, his laptop or a book or his phone reserving his attention, whatever he decides to put his energy into that day.

Today has been a rainy day, therefore the morning was a lot quieter than usually, not many likes to make an extra trip for a coffee in the pouring rain, so you’ve been enjoying the calmness, the soft jazz music playing through the speakers as you are putting away the freshly washed cups behind the counter. As if he has an appointment, Bucky walks into the café with a laptop under his arm, his cap hiding part of his face, but you can still see the shy smile on his lips as he closes the door behind him, the little bell chiming for a second time at his arrival.

“Welcome back, the usual?” you ask as he heads to his spot.

“Yes please,” he nods, shooting you a thankful smile.

You try to ignore the little butterflies in your stomach at the sight of the man, it’s almost ridiculous how you still get nervous when you see him, even though he has been showing up every day at the same time for the past about two months. You just can’t help it, there’s just something in those ocean eyes and perfect manner he always treats you with, something you don’t often get these days. Not many take the time to ask about your day or wish you a good one after you hand them their coffee, but Bucky is different. The same question falls from his lips every time you appear at his table with his order.

“How has your day been going?” he asks when you place the cup next to his laptop that’s loading.

“Pretty quiet, the rain keeps people away,” you chuckle, hoping your blush is not as apparent as it feels. “What about yours?”

“Just the same as usual,” he smiles softly and you nod, though you have no idea what’s usual for him. He might be friendly and quite welcoming when he is sitting at the café, he often chats with you about anything and everything, yet still, you know near nothing about him and his life outside of this place. It’s clear he is the kind of person that prefers to keep things to himself, but sometimes you are so desperate for just the smallest crumb of information about him. With the lack of details, you often find yourself making up things about him, like what his favorite dish is, where he likes to shop, what shows he watches on the TV. You might be entirely wrong about all of these, but it’s all you have.

Moving back behind the counter you busy yourself with cleaning it off as Bucky’s attention shifts to the screen in front of him. There are only two more customers in there and they are quite locked away in their own world as well, a college student working on some kind of assignment on her second espresso and an old lady solving Sudoku at the table near the window, sipping on a nice latte.

You can’t help but glance in his direction every now and then as you move the muffins around on the counter. He seems deeply focused, eyebrows knitted together as he is clicking away on the computer. From the looks of it, he is solving some kind of enigma, but when you walk past his table you see that he has an email open on the screen, his cursor moving around kind of aimlessly.

“Not finding the right words?” you ask, stopping to clean the table next to his that was previously occupied by a young couple. His eyes snap up to you before he huffs shaking his head.

“No, I’m just… terribly bad at IT stuff and I’m supposed to “CC” someone on this email,” he explains, using his fingers to air-quote as he glances back at the screen. “But if I’m being honest I don’t even know what it means,” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

You find it amusing, even cute that he is like an old man with these stuff. You’ve seen him struggling to type in a text message before on his flip phone that’s from the last century for sure and now this.

Placing the tray of cups down on the table you move over to him, taking the free chair next to him as you reach for the laptop, but you stop before touching it.

“May I…?”

“Go ahead,” he gestures with a nod.

You turn the device towards yourself as you click a few times, bringing up the option to send a copy of the email to another receiver.

“CC means that more people get the same email. You can put their addresses here. But you can also BCC people, in that case, the original receiver won’t see if the email was sent to others as well,” you explain patiently. Bucky tries his best to focus on the screen and what you’re saying, rather than the way your lips are moving and how badly he wants to taste them.

You haven’t been the only one feeling flustered and like a giddy teenager and Bucky didn’t choose this café as his usual spot for nothing. He spotted you the first time he stumbled in and the way you smiled brightly at everyone and the sweet chiming of your laughter made him want to come back the moment he stepped out that day. So he returned the next day and then the next day again… and now he couldn’t even imagine a day without seeing your eyes light up when he walks in while he can only hope you are just as happy to see him as he is to see you.

You help him send his email and you cheer in victory once it’s done and sent.

“See? It’s not as hard as it seems,” you smile at him gently, patting his arm that’s covered by a hoodie and your eyes fall onto his gloved hands on the tabletop.

“Yeah, I just have a lot of catching up to do from the past seven decades,” he mumbles under his breath, though he immediately regrets not keeping his mouth shut.

Your eyes flicker to his hand once again, then up to meet his gaze and he knows he just outed himself. He is expecting the usual: disgust, disappointment, even fear. That’s how most people react when they find out who he really is. But as he stares back at you, scared like a little kitten, you just smile back at him softly.

It’s not that you haven’t heard of the Avengers, because it’s impossible not to know who they are. You were just not expecting one of them to become a regular at your working place. The few times you saw him on TV he had long hair and his face was covered with a mask, so you’re not surprised you didn’t put the picture together. But knowing now who he is, you don’t see him in a worse lighting. If anything, you feel a little sad that he had to go through so much in his extremely long life.

“Well, feel free to ask any more questions. I’m not an IT guy, but I can help you with everyday stuff,” you tell him and he is in awe at your very normal, very sweet reaction. All he can do is nod as you stand from the table and grab the tray you abandoned not long ago, moving back behind the counter.

When you glance up your gaze meets his as he is still staring at you, nervous, a little anxious, but definitely relieved by your smooth reaction to finding out his identity. You shoot him a bright smile before moving to the table of the old lady who asks for another latte and as Bucky follows your frame move across the room he can’t help the small smile that tugs on his lips.

Your offer doesn’t stay unused. In fact, Bucky shows up at the café the next few days with a handful of questions for you, genuine ones, and a few he already knows the answer to, but wants to hear you explain them anyway. And you help him with anything, sitting at his table whenever you have a few free minutes between customers. He asks you about the internet, social media, online data bases and sources, going through a list from the little notebook he always keeps with himself.

The times spent with him are your favorite part of the day. You always look forward to whatever issue Bucky is going to bring up, fearing that one day he might run out of questions, but that just never comes. And you don’t know it, but your little sessions are the highlights of his days as well, listening to your smooth voice as you explain even the smallest things to him with so much patience, he is convinced you should become a teacher.

He thinks about asking you out every day, the question is always on the tip of his tongue.

What are you doing tonight? Would you want to go out with me? Do you want to grab a bite with me after your shift?

However he just never gets to actually say the words out loud. He is growing impatient with himself, he used to have no problem with asking girls out, but seven decades and another life as a brain-washed assassin later, this task feels way too impossible.

You’ve been telling him to get a smartphone for the past couple of days and though he seemed adamant, one day he shows up with a brand new one, still in the box.

“Oh my God, is that what I think it is?” you tease him with a dramatic gasp. Chuckling to himself he nods as he places the box to the counter while you are making the order of one of the customers. Today has been a little busier than usually, probably because of the special offer of 10% off from the new Cuban coffee beans your boss ordered in.

“I need a teacher to show me the ropes though.”

“Oh, Bucky, I would love to, but today is a bit crowded,” you pout as you put the lid onto the paper cup and hand it over to the customer, another one already walking in, eyeing the offer written on the black board behind you.

He didn’t even think you wouldn’t say yes, it never occurred to him that the timing might not be the best. You see as his smile slowly disappears from his scruffy face and your heart breaks seeing him like this.

“Yeah, sorry. Don’t want to keep you up,” he mumbles feeling defeated, but before he could grab the box from the counter, you put your hand on it, your fingers brushing against his gloved one, the tiny touch making both of you flustered.

“But how about after work?” you suggest and his eyes immediately light up. Spending time with you without any customers interrupting? That sounds like heaven to him.

“Y-you sure? If you have something to do, I—“

“Nothing to do,” you smile at him. You grab a napkin from the counter and a pan from near the cash register, quickly scribbling down your address before handing it over to him. “I’ll be home by seven,” you inform him as he glances down at your handwriting, noting how well it fits your personality. He then looks back at you nodding, as if he was just handed the best Christmas present ever.

“I’ll be there,” he smiles gratefully before stepping away from the counter and letting you work.

Five minutes after seven, Bucky is standing at your front door with a bag of Chinese food in his hands as he is trying to build up the courage to ring your doorbell. He found out that you live just a few corners away from the café, so he found your address easily.

“Come on, dude. Don’t be such a loser,” he mumbles to himself as he circles his shoulders before finally pushing the button. A short, buzzing sound is heard from the other side of the door and he stares at the 6B sign in front of you as he hears footsteps from inside. A few moments later the door swings open and there you are, still wearing the same clothes from earlier, a bright smile adorning your face as you beam at your guest.

“Come on in!” you gesture for him as he steps into the small apartment. “Tried to clean up a bit, but if I’m being honest I’m starting to grow out this place,” you chuckle as you push a box out of the way. It’s a small studio apartment with everything cramped into one space except the bathroom. You have a double bed pushed up against the wall in the corner, a small sofa with your wardrobe next to it, a TV, a tiny coffee table, a bookshelf and a dresser, a little dining table near the kitchen with three chairs and a pantry right next to the fridge that stands where the hardwood floor changes into checkered tiles. It really is a tiny space that holds a lot of stuff, but all the gadgets and clutter makes it cozy, lived-in, a place that’s so much like you that he feels like he is peeking inside your head as he walks farther inside.

“I brought dinner,” he shyly holds the bag up as you lock the door.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have!” you smile at him gratefully, because you didn’t really have time to buy anything on your way home since you had to make a quick trip to the post office after your shift, leaving you no spare time before his arrival.

“It’s the least I can do for all the help,” he smiles as you take the bag from him and bring it to the designated living room area of the place. Bucky joins you on the sofa and he thanks all higher powers your place is so small that you only have a loveseat, giving him the chance to sit close to you. Your thigh brushes against his as you hand him a box and make yourself comfortable as well, starting your feast while he asks you about your day, listening to your every word intently.

When the food is gone and you’ve grabbed two beers for the two of you, he pulls out the phone that’s the reason behind his visit. He bought a simple one, not at all one of the latest versions and it’s going to be the perfect model for him to learn the ropes on.

You help him put his SIM card into the new phone and then you set his account up before finally gaining access to the phone. You start with the basic features, showing him how to make a call or send a text before moving onto the different apps and possibilities while he listens to you as if you were talking about rocket science, but in a way, it feels like that for him.

“And here you can switch to the front camera,” you explain as you push the button and suddenly, the two of you come into picture on the screen. “Perfect for taking selfies,” you add with a chuckle.

“Oh, selfies. I’m not too good with those,” he huffs shaking his head.

“Because you probably haven’t found your angle!” you smirk. “Everyone has a good angle.”

“You think so?” you knits his eyebrows together.

“Mhm, look!”

Opening the contacts you go to yours, choosing the option to add a picture that will show up on the screen when you call him, and open the camera to take one instead of choosing from the empty gallery. Holding up the phone you position it so your good angle is in the picture before snapping the photo and saving it as your caller ID.

“See?” you smile at him before handing the device back to him. He just nods, even though he can only think about how all your angles are perfect to him and that now he has a picture of you in his phone. “Let’s take one together!” you beam and moving closer to him you take the phone once again, holding it up in front of you, trying to fit both of you into the frame.

Bucky tries his best to focus on the picture, but he can’t ignore how close you are to him, he can smell your shampoo and your cheek is almost pressed against his as you smile into the camera. The corners of his mouth curl up as his eyes fix at your reflection on the screen before you snap the photo. Opening up the camera roll you take a better look at it and it’s probably your favorite photo that has ever been taken of you. Mostly because he is in it as well, smiling so sweetly.

“It’s a good one,” you say and as you turn your head to the side you realize how close you really are to him.

“Yeah?” he breathes out, definitely aware of just the few inches separating the two of you.

“I-if you had an Instagram I would tell you to post it…” you stutter as your eyes flicker down to his lips, the urge to lean in and kiss him growing with each passing second.

Feeling a little dizzy, one of your hands fall to his lower arm, the one that’s made out of metal and your gaze drops to where you are touching him, a panic filled look flashing through his eyes.

He thinks that this is where the moment is ruined, where you realize the monster he really is and decide you don’t want anything to do with him. He almost starts to apologize for God knows what reason when you reach out and your fingers start to work on the straps of his gloves. It takes a few moments for him to realize what you are doing, and he tries to pull his hand back, but you grab it stopping him from doing it.

“It’s alright,” you smile at him softly, your eyes meeting his as you finish what you started and pull the glove off his hand revealing the metal underneath the leather. Then you move onto his other hand and do the same, dropping the pair of gloves to the floor as you take both his hands in yours, thumbs running across his knuckles, feeling the difference between his own hand and the artificial one.

You see his jaw flexing at the touch and reaching up you cup his cheek in your palm, making him to look you in the eyes. The strong and confident man you see sometimes is gone now, fear and hesitation taking over his expression as your other hand keeps holding his vibranium one.

“I’m sorry,” it falls from his lips as he closes his eyes for a second.

“For what exactly?” you ask with a soft chuckle. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to hide yourself around me.”

“You don’t find it… scary?”

“Not at all,” you assure him. “You can’t be held accountable for what happened to you. Anyone who thinks differently is just an ignorant asshole,” you add grinning and it finally breaks his fearful expression, planting a smile on his handsome face.

Keeping your hand on his cheek you lean closer, your nose touching his but you stop before your lips could meet, giving him the chance to pull back. But he never does. Instead, he closes the gap between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours, finally making the fantasy you both have been daydreaming about reality. He starts off slowly, savoring each other gently, getting accustomed to the feeling, but it doesn’t take long before the kiss grows hungrier and your tongues meet in the middle.

Your hands rest at the base of his neck while his find your waist, pulling you closer until you swing a leg over him, sitting on his lap as you smile against his lips. His kisses feel delicate and soft yet very passionate at the same time, you love the dynamic you create, tugging and biting each other playfully, it feels like kissing him is the sole purpose of your life.

When it gets hard for you to breathe you pull back, eyes opening and finding his flushed face as he stares back at you with bright, joyous eyes, his lips slightly swollen, already making you want to go back to where you were just a moment ago.

“Who knew selfies could be so much fun,” he jokes making you laugh, his heart fluttering in his chest at the sound that’s so dear to him.

“I’m glad you liked my crash course on smart phones,” you grin down at him, your fingers tracing the sharp line of his jaw. “Do you have any more questions?”

Smirking his hand, his flesh one, moves up your back as he presses you closer, your lips almost touching his.

“Oh, I’ve got plenty,” he chuckles before kissing you again eagerly.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes one shot #bucky oneshot #bucky one shot #bucky fluff #bucky blurb #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws

511 notes · View notes

sword-brainrot · 3 years

Note

Oh, um! May I request a matchup? I know these can be draining to do so feel free to skip me if you want!!

So, um hi! Im a 19 yo translation student! Everyone uses she/her when talking to me, but you can use whatever you like, I dont mind pronouns! Im really shy and kinda anxious when talking to people, but I'm completely see-through ;; cant tell a lie to save my life haha Im super curious abt practically anything and I love to learn new things! When I have to get work done, I make sure it looks shiny and perfect! (even tough I procastinate on it until there's almost no time left,,,,) I prefer indoors because loud sounds make me somewhat panicky??;;;; and in my free time I play games, learn useless stuff and sleep... y'know, the usual ^^;

As for what I'd like in a parter.... I want someone who cares about me ;; I know it may be a bit too much but I guess I can dream right? :') As for myself,,,, idk id be a completely mess ;; Im good at listening I think! but when it comes to affection Im at a loss and I just get embarrassed,,,, I blush at everything and when Im put in a spot I try to laugh it off ;;

Um, also... Im sure you already noticed but I have some self issues so you may want to take this into consideration???? maybe???? Im sorry I had to bring this up;;; i tought it could help you get a better picture of myself haha???? uuu;; (um also i apologize for this huge wall of text, i know its all over the place.... dont know how to organize it;;;;)

Oh, and I don't care about sword types nor I have a preference! I love all the slashy boys equally ♡

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it 💖💖

Oh I would never skip your request! If I ever get drained, I would take a small break. I wanna do your requests dear! Feel free to request as much as you want, I have a blast whenever I can write and make someone smile because of it. Don't worry about bothering me or anything, seeing requests always makes me smile and excited to write 💖🌺

I Match You With...

🌸 Ishikirimaru 🌸

♡ Ishikirimaru is a very calm and friendly guy, he would understand very well how scary social interaction can be for some people. He would never push you too far and make sure he knows your limits. He would offer you to have tea with him or help him clean just so you both can bond together and let you know what he does want to be around you. He doesn't mind if you don't talk much because you are shy! Ishikirimaru doesn't talk too much in general but doesn't mind starting the conversation and having a short discussion about things that may interest you or your thoughts on things.

♡ Don't worry about ever making him angry or annoyed, it is very hard to do that. He is very easy going and cares a lot about other people. The only way he would ever get actually angry at you is if you say something insensitive about how people's lives in war don't matter or something along those lines. He was a sword kept in a temple that often got prayed to for healing the warriors who came back from battle with deadly wounds. That is the only thing that would actually get under his skin. He cares a lot about the people around him and even the people he doesn't know, he prays for all of their well beings. Even yours. He cares about you a lot as well and will tell you often that you matter to everyone. He is aware that you would never say something to upset him on purpose. As long as the two of you talk it out and apologize to each other, he will forget it even happened. He wouldn't let one slip of the tongue to ruin the relationship.

♡ He tries hard to make sure he never upsets anyone and thinks over his words carefully, but even he makes mistakes and words don't come out how they planned. He will make the most effort to apologize and make sure his words didn't hurt you badly. If they did, he would spend hours on end talking it out and making sure you know that he would never mean anything that would hurt you. He cares about you a lot and your smile is his favorite.

♡ Ishikirimaru might be a little pushy when you talk badly about yourself. He loves everything about you and it hurts him when you think you are lesser than everyone. He will often try to stop you before you go too far with talking down upon yourself and give you plenty of compliments, even if they embarrass you. He wants you to know that you are deserving of love and that you are much better than you give yourself credit for. You have your own talents and people cherish you for being you. They want you in their life because you are you.

♡ "Aruji, I haven't been human long but I understand that being human is a complicated task. The mind can be a cruel one and the deadliest thing to our souls. My words may not mean much but please trust me when I say that you like you for you. You will see things you do not like about yourself because you are stuck with yourself constantly so you will pick up things that others will not. We are all hard on ourselves. Life is even worse on us. So take a deep breath and let yourself receive a little kindness. You deserve it. You give out so much to everyone so you need to know that it is okay to love things about yourself and be proud of who you are. You will make mistakes and not everyone will be your friend but that is okay, because you are human and you have your own life. Surround yourself with people that will love and appreciate you for who you are now. I love and appreciate you for who you are, aruji. So.. Don't be so hard on yourself, alright? It hurts my fragile heart when I see you beat yourself up for small mistakes. It's okay to stumble at times, just get up again... okay? I'll lend you my hand as well."

♡ As you can tell, Ishikirimaru is a very good listener. His whole life as a sword was to listen to those of the pained and give guidance. Even if he couldn't exactly do that in his sword form, he can do that now! He will listen to everything you have to say. Don't be shy to ramble to him. He will give you a happy smile as he listens. Tell him about the things that make you happy, what make you angry, what makes you laugh, and what makes you sad. Ishikirimaru will be right by your side, offering tea and a shoulder if you need it. You aren't alone and he will make sure you know that you don't have to face these thoughts alone.

♡ Just as how you are see through and can't lie, Ishikirimaru has a similar issue. He has a very hard time ever lying and chooses to never lie. The only time he will lie is if it is to protect others. He will often put himself in the painful position in missions so others don't have to face the hardship. He tries to not do it often because he knows that people care about him and he doesn't have to face things alone, but he would rather not see anyone sad if he can help it!

♡ He finds your embarrassed face the cutest thing in the world. Don't be scared to tell him to stop if the compliments become too much for you to handle! He will laugh it off and apologize for going too far with his comments. As stated above, he doesn't lie. So just know that every compliment he gives you is a very sincere comment that he means with his whole heart. Ishikirimaru doesn't need much affection, as long as you show that you simply care about him, he is happy. He would like to hold your hand from time to time but otherwise, he wouldn't force you to do anything you don't wish to do. Go at your own pace in the relationship, he won't rush you!

♡ Ishikirimaru will tell you anything you wish to learn! He might not have a library of knowledge of the past due to being stuck in a shrine for most of his life but he had also studied and learned about the history he came from. If you take an interest in his prayers and religion, he would gladly tell you all the tales he is aware of and teach you the cleansing sermon he often does to give positive spiritual energy. It is something that brings him peace of mind and makes him happy to talk about, so if you are willing to learn about what makes him who he is today and what makes him happy, he would be overjoyed to share all his knowledge to you.

♡ He understands very well the appeal of getting work done to the best of your ability and making it look the best you can. He wouldn't label himself a perfectionist but he does want to do the best he can. Often with cleaning. You will often see him stuck in a room all day because he wants to make sure it is spotless before he comes out and continues work else where. Though... by the time he is done... It is dinner time. Perhaps the two of you could work together and get work done to the point you are both happy with it.

♡ Ishikirimaru is also someone who happens to stay inside for the most part. The only time he goes outside would be to enjoy tea in the sun or if he has to work the field/horse keeping. Ishikirimaru is a very soft spoken and gentle man so you don't have to worry about him every raising his voice and scaring you. If there is ever a loud noise, whether it is other swords or a storm outside, he will gently hold your hand and try to calm you down. He will assure you that it's okay to not like loud noises but he will make sure that nothing hurts you. He will even try to lead you away to somewhere that may be a little more quiet. Giving you a distraction to get your mind off the noise. He wants nothing more than you to feel comfortable and safe.

♡ Depending on the game, he may want to play with you! He tends to like card games even though he is very easy to read and often loses. He tends to laugh about it after when he realizes that he was accidentally showing his hand every time he set down his cards to get a sip of tea. If it's video games, he would prefer to just watch you play and talk to you while you enjoy the game. He isn't the biggest fan but still enjoys to watch! Ishikirimaru is a pretty good teacher! So if you wish to study with him, he would be flattered that you wished to study with him out of everyone. He is very understanding that some material is hard to memorize out of no where. He would just softly correct you and tell you to work on it a little more. He rewards you with sweets every time you do really well on any test he gives you to test how much you remember.

♡ Ishikirimaru would be the most understanding and gentle partner. He wants nothing more than you being comfortable and happy. He would work hard on you slowly forgiving yourself when you make a mistake and love yourself a little more. He would never give up on you and be there if you ever needed.

#Matchups #Touken Ranbu #Touken Danshi #Tourabu #Touken Ranbu Headcanons #Touken Ranbu Imagines #Touken Ranbu x Reader #TKRB #TKRB Headcanons #TKRB Imagines #TKRB x Reader #Ishikirimaru #Ishikirimaru x Reader

8 notes · View notes

supergirl-writingz · 4 years

Text

Kidnapped Part 2

B!D deals with recovery.

Note: the doctor being named dr grey isnt actually like mer or lexie i literally just watch too much greys and couldnt think of another name haha also THANK U FOR BEING SO PATIENT W ME im really proud of this fic tbh and i hope u guys like it:) remember requests are always open

Warning: trauma, anxiety, therapy

It’s been about one week since you were rescued. You were doing okay. Everyone was trying to convince you to see someone, to talk about what you went through. You didn’t get why. You realized you have been through something tragic, but wouldn’t it be easier to just put it in the past?

Physically, you still had a long way to go. You were still cooped up at the DEO and you would be for a little bit longer. You had bruises everywhere, 2 broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken bone in your foot. But Lena assured you that you were healing properly. You trusted her.

Your least favorite part about everything, was the way people were treating you. They treated you as if you were glass, and if they spoke to loud or even held your hand, they would break you. You didn’t feel broken and you didn’t get why everyone wanted you to be. Lena was the only one who would tell you things how they were, straightforward with no holding back. You appreciated it.

Lena walked into the room, “Hey hun can we talk?”

You nodded, “Of course Lena what’s up?”

Lena sat at the edge of your bed, “Darling I think you need to see someone, you-”

“Not you too” you interrupted rolling your eyes, “I’m fine, I don’t need to see anyone”

Lena was patient with you, with a calm voice she said, “Y/N you can’t keep bottling up your emotions, it’s not healthy. If you don’t let this out you’re gonna have a breakdown. You’re not fine and thats okay.”

“I am fine” you snapped at her.

“Y/N, you are scared to sleep without sedatives and you haven’t talked about what happened to you at all. Let me help you, please talk to me, or Kara or Alex or a specialist. Please”

You turned your head away from her. You were embarrassed but it was true, you were scared of going to bed without them.

“Don’t sedate me tonight, I’ll sleep just fine”

Lena sighed, “Okay”

As she walked out she turned around and said, “You know we’re all just trying to do what’s best for you right?”

You didn’t answer. Lena walked out looking sad and defeated. You felt bad, she’s helped you so much. But you were tired of people saying you weren’t okay. You thought about sleeping tonight without the sedatives, truthfully you were nervous but you didn’t tell anyone. Tonight was Kara’s turn to sleep in your room, and she always made you feel safe.

Later that night, around 11, you finally fell asleep after tossing and turning for a couple hours.

All of the sudden you woke up with a start not knowing where you were. You were screaming and your heart rate was through the roof. Kara instantly got up and rushed to you.

“Y/N baby it’s just a dream! You’re okay!” she said calmly but loud enough so it would get through to you.

It didn’t help. You were starting to hyperventilate. Kara put her face directly in front of yours.

“Look at my sweetheart, breathe like I do” Kara said, breathing in and out slowly for me to follow.

You looked Kara in the eyes and started following her breathing. 5 minutes later you were breathing normally. Lena and Alex came rushing in, someone must have called them.

“Baby what happened?” Alex asked with a concerned tone.

Tears were building up in your eyes, “I- I was back there.. in my dream”.

“The room where it all happened?” Lena asked. You nodded, tears starting to come quicker

“It was so real, I could feel every punch, every kick. It was like I was back there.” you said, at this point you were sobbing.

Alex came close to you and put her hand to your cheek, “You’re safe now Y/N, he can’t hurt you anymore”

You pulled Alex closer and cried into the crook of her neck. While Kara was strong and comforting, there was something about Alex that made you feel powerful and in control. She was such a good directer at the DEO, even if things in her life were bad. Even when everything was going wrong, she had control. You needed that. You needed to be in control of your emotions, but you didn’t know how. You realized now everyone was right, you weren’t okay. But you still didn’t like the idea of seeing a therapist of any kind. You just couldn’t imagine talking to a complete stranger about things you can’t talk about to the people closest to you.

You started to calm down and stopped crying. You looked up at Lena.

“I’m so sorry Lena”, you said.

“Darling you have nothing to be sorry for” she replied softly.

“I was so rude to you, you were just trying to help” you replied guiltily.

“You’re struggling little one, whether you know it or not, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After what you’ve been through, we’d be more concerned if you weren’t struggling” Kara said.

“We just want you to feel better and we want you to know you have our constant support” Alex said.

You looked down and smiled softly. You didn’t know what you would do without these people. You didn’t think therapy was for you, but it seems like it would make them feel better, and who knows maybe it would make you feel better too.

“I’ll see someone”, you said quietly, “if you guys really think it will be good”

Alex smiled and said, “We’re only asking that you try”.

You got in a couple more hours of sleep before day time had come and it was too bright to sleep. You heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Lena and another woman you didn’t recognize.

“Hey hun, this is Dr. Grey, she works with people who have been through trauma” Lena said, trying not to overwhelm you.

She smiled a bright smile and said, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you”

You took a breath and remembered how you told Lena and your sisters you would give it a try.

You reached out your hand and said “Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you too”

Dr. Grey shook your hand then told you that Lena or your sisters could stay in the room, or it could be just them. You decided to give it a try alone with Dr. Grey. Lena understood and wished you good luck before leaving. You took a deep breath, talking to this stranger was making you feel anxious. You and Dr. Grey started talking, and quickly you felt more comfortable. You guys didn’t talk much about the kidnapping, she mostly just wanted to know your home and social life. You told her pretty much everything, from your sisters, your friends, Lena, and school. Dr. Grey was pretty easy to talk to. The only time the kidnapping did come up was when she suggested that you talk to your sisters or Lena about what happened. She said if it was out in the open, you might feel better. She made it very clear though that you should wait until you were ready. And just like that, your hour session was over before you knew it.

“Thank you Dr. Grey” you said.

She smiled warmly, “So we’ll be meeting again?”

You returned her smile and nodded.

About 2 weeks later, you were sitting in your bed at the DEO. You have been seeing Dr. Grey daily and it was helping a lot. All of the sudden Kara walked in and you smiled at her asked her to bring Alex and Lena into the room. Kara smiled and nodded, walking out of the room to get them. A few moments later, the three women walked in.

“So Dr. Grey thought that I should talk to at least someone about what happened, other than her. And I trust you guys more than anyone, so I want to tell you guys” you say, starting to feel a little anxious.

“That’s very sweet darling but we don’t wanna push you into talking about something you’re not ready to talk about” Lena said concerned.

You smiled, “I’m ready”, and they nodded.

You told them everything, from you walking home from school, to the guy grabbing you, to your surroundings, and on and on. You told them how they wanted to know who Supergirl was, and you shot Kara a warm look almost saying, ‘This isn’t your fault’. Kara gave you a small yet guilty smile. You took a deep breath as you started to talk about the torture. Your hands were shaking so Alex grabbed them into hers. You didn’t even realize you were crying until Kara wiped a tear from your cheek. You told them everything... you told them the beatings, about the whips and taser. You told them about the hunger, and how cold it was. You told them how you were so hopped up on drugs, you couldn’t even remember how you got there.

“The scariest part was when I lost hope, I truly thought I was gonna die there” you said. You finally looked up at them, Kara was crying just as much as you were. Lena and Alex had some tears too, but you could tell they were trying to be strong. You grabbed Kara’s hands and looked her in the eyes.

“But you saved me Kara, you’re the reason I’m still here” you said softly.

Kara pulled you into a hug and you felt her warmth and comfort, which then turned into pain from your ribs.

“Kara.. too tight” you said chuckling.

“Sorry” she laughed immediately letting go. The four of you sat there in silence for a while, enjoying each others company. Dr. Grey was right, you did feel better putting it all out there.

A few weeks later, you were making great progress. You were still having nightmares, but not every night. The anxiety meds you were taking were starting to help with the panic attacks too. You were still at the DEO, but you were starting to walk around though, with a boot and crutches. Your ribs were almost healed and your concussion was all gone.

You were doing great with Dr. Grey too. The only thing she was concerned with was that you didn’t want to leave the DEO. Of course you wanted to be at home, but you couldn’t get yourself to step out of the building. You felt safe in there. You had this fear that the man who took you would be out there, even though you knew he was in custody. Everyone tried to get you just to go on a simple walk outside, but your anxiety would kick in before you even got the chance. Today was going to be different, today you were determined to go outside. You haven’t been outside since Kara flew you to the DEO the day of the kidnapping, and you were barely conscious.. but today was different.

You asked Kara, Alex, and Lena if you could all go on a walk. They gave a little surprised look but didn't say anything, they probably didn’t want you to overthink it, but they realized how big of a deal this was. You guys were having a normal conversation, walking through the DEO. You stopped when you reached the exit. You felt Kara give your hand a little squeeze, letting you know that it’s okay. You took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked outside.

You were surprised as you felt the fresh air in your lungs. Everything looked greener than you remember. You spent so much time in the DEO, that you forgot there was life outside of the grey and dark building. You looked around at all the people, talking and laughing, and you were amazed at how good it felt. You quickly started to cry and turned back to your sisters and Lena.

“Oh baby why are you crying?” Alex asked softly, “Do you wanna go back inside?”

These were happy tears.

“I’m finally free from him” you said smiling, wiping the tears from your face.

They all smiled at you and were so proud of your strength and perseverance. You had a lot to work through still, but this was a break through. This was the first time since the kidnapping, that you were 100% sure that you would make it through this. You pulled them into group hug, silently thanking them for never leaving your side.

89 notes · View notes

musedblues · 5 years

Text

Always Something There To Remind Me [Part: 5]

summary: Home is where the heart is. You’re working on finding yours. After a handful of misfortunes, your old friend Joe helps to unravel life’s greatest mystery while adding a bit of extra grief to the mix.

warning: Angst central! But a truly happy ending?

w/c: 4k

a/n: Well well well... enjoy this chapter lovies! There's only ONE final update to go. I have far too many feelings, I'll leave it at that. But DO let me know how you lot feel!

taglist: @im-an-adult-ish @mrsmazzello @lettinggosthehardestpart @the-moving-finger-writes @imtheinvisiblequeen @joemazzmatazz @sherlollydramoine

Part 6

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Enough time had passed that you began to wonder what was next, in life. Where were you supposed to go, now? What were you supposed to be doing? There were still tendrils of sadness and uncertainty keeping you glued in place, without a clear view of your future.

But like always, you had Joe. And like always, you had plans with him. After romping around the city, you decided to invite him over for a classic movie night, the very next weekend.

As you sat in the flower shop all week, willing customers to show up and save you from boredom and longing for Friday to come closer, your wishes half came true. That day, Joe showed up on the other side of your counter several hours earlier than planned.

"You know I have to finish my shift before we start movie night, right?" You joked as he rested each palm on the opposite side of your counter. Joe wasn't smiling, and he was dressed up way too nice for a casual night of ranking your favorite films.

"I'm so sorry. But I have to cancel movie night." Joe lulled his head, a moment of silence for the plans he just shot dead.

"You came all this way to let me down, huh?" You jeered once more, hoping you didn't sound half as crushed as you felt. It was just movie night, you could reschedule.

"I totally forgot I already promised Lacy I'd show up at this super fancy thing tonight."

"Ouch." You remarked, regretting your tone for real now. Lacy hadn't been around to greet you since she'd spotted Joe outside your shop last week. And you knew she was never really your friend, but it still stung to know you'd been used.

"I'm really sorry I spaced it. But I felt too bad about letting her down last minute." Joe explained.

"Why? Might help to knock a bit of air out of her head." You countered. Because while you knew you were unimportant enough to let Lacy walk all over you, Joe deserved better.

"She's not that bad," Joe added, pointing out that Lacy was at least a little bad.

"She's not that fucking great either." You were now officially angry that her claws were deep enough in your friend that he hadn't taken notice of the fact that Lacy was using him, too.

Once the floodgates opened, you couldn't go on acting like you didn't have something to say. Thank God the flower shop was empty and your boss was out with deliveries...

"You're just a trophy to her, she just takes you out to show you off!" It seemed you were stating the obvious, but it felt much scarier.

"Whoa, where is this coming from?" Joe shifted away from your counter, furrowing his brow as if this was really news to him.

"I just can't believe you don't see that you're a prize for Lacy to win. I've never once heard her tell me what it is what you do when you're together, just that you score her a few hundred new Instagram followers every time you come around."

"Yeah well, I'm about to be late for another appearance." Joe shrugged, speaking low in your direction. Maybe he liked the attention, you thought, heart sinking to the floor as you realized that this life had yet to make sense.

"I really wish you could hear what I'm trying to say." You spoke up, desperate for Joe to stop moving toward the door and away from you.

"Call me when you learn to say it better." He bit back just moments before disappearing into the crowded mall and leaving you all alone.

///

That night, you never turned the television on. Instead, you held a book in your hand, pretending to turn the pages. All you really focused on was playing the scene with Joe from earlier over in your head, wishing it could have happened differently.

When your mother got home she was raving about the day she spent photographing some reality star’s wedding. You pretended to listen, keeping your eyes on the book and your mind far far away.

“Where’s Joe? I thought he’d be here tonight.” Your mother wondered, kicking off her shoes and bustling toward the kitchen.

“Hell if I know.” You sighed, realizing you still didn’t know what he and Lacy might have been up too or why he was wearing his fanciest suit jacket.

“So… dinner for two then, I suppose?” Your mother rang from the kitchen, clearly trying her utmost not to irk any further.

“Actually I think I’m just gonna call it a night.” You decided, sitting up and heading straight for the stairs. You shouted a half-hearted goodnight to your mother, longing for this day to just end. But as you shut yourself into the bedroom that hadn’t much changed since you were in high school, you couldn’t stop letting your mind wander.

So, you called Tegan, jumping straight into filling her in on everything that happened since the last time you spoke to her. She listened, adding in quips that meant she was paying attention. When you finished letting it all out, Tegan seemed to think over her response.

“I understand you’re upset, but you haven’t really said why.” Your friend pointed out, an ocean away. Funny how she was still your light in the dark, you thought.

You realized you just told Tegan the story of your whole week, ending with how shitty you felt for snapping at Joe over a girl who didn’t matter that much; but never gave your true feelings away.

“I guess I’m just a little jealous, huh?” You huffed a laugh, basking in the flicking amber light coming from the lamp on your desk. “I’ve always been used to Joe’s attention. Ever since I got back home… I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should tell him all that, y/n.” Tegan suggested softly, after a long understanding pause. You wished she was closer so you could hug her and remind her what a damn good friend she was. So you told her just that, and went to bed even more confused than before.

///

A couple of days passed as you tried to think up what to say, and when to say it. Joe coldly suggested you call him, but that felt far too impersonal. You realized that since coming home, since Kris died, and Joe’s dad passed, and since spending time together again; you and Joe never really talked much about any of that.

Your phone was blank of text messages from him. Even though you wanted to ring Joe, you knew that the second you got his attention that all you’d want to do was make things right. And he deserved much more than a cellphone chat.

So one very cloudy afternoon, while your mother was over having lunch with Mrs. Mazzello, you left a note and hopped in the car. While just thinking zooming down the freeway made you nervous, the thought of going much longer without Joe made you absolutely sick.

You held your breath behind the wheel, minding speed limits and thinking of nothing but what you had to do. The city streets were jam-packed, but even through all the traffic, you seemed to end up in a parking spot in the blink of an eye. You made it. This was it. Now for the hard part...

When you passed through the third-floor entrance and stood outside Joe's door, you were still holding your breath. But you had to knock. You had to get this over with. Much quicker than you expected, the door opened and Joe was standing there in a fancy leather jacket, expectantly gazing into the hall. But his expression morphed into confusion when he saw you, and you wondered who else he might have been hoping to see.

“Hi.” You shrugged meekly. Joe stepped to the side wordlessly offering for you to come inside. You took the opportunity to speak up once more as Joe shut the door behind you.

“I know you said to call, but I think we have too much to talk about.” You started. Joe moved back in front of you, listening.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you at the mall last week I shouldn’t have said most of that.”

Joe shifted in place and looked away from you, just before saying, “I really can’t do this right now.”

You felt a distant rumble in the grounds of your universe and wondered if this was it. If you’d waited too long and showed up at the wrong time and ruined everything on your mission to make it right. Then Joe went on…

“How are you so good at pushing me away and then showing back up like nothing ever happened?”

Just as you were about to ask what the hell he was talking about, he spoke up again.

"When I went along to drop you off at the airport before you moved to the UK, do you remember what you said to me?" Joe asked in a pitch that stung your heart. You were so anxious back then to rule the world that it was hard to recall past all the fresh wreckage. So you shook your head and prepared for Joe's answer. You weren't expecting to be greeted with a smile today, but Joe's upset was scaring you.

"I told you I was going to miss you. And all you said to me was 'try and remember what it was like before we met.' That's how you left me." You'd never seen Joe's eyes so piercing. He was angry, but he was talking so calmly that you couldn't understand what to do. Had you really dismissed Joe's feeling like that then?

"But then you just kept calling me. And of course, I answered." He scooted a little closer as you drew your arms around your middle.

"Then you move back here, and we get on like no time has passed. You stay with me and you sleep in my bed and I wake up to find you've left it." He stopped, chuckling in a small breath as your stomach fell away.

"And now whatever this is about.” He waved a hand to you. “You push me away and then come back and I don’t get it. So maybe you should just- wait... how- how did you get here?"

"I drove." You said with a tiny smile. A rush of pride swooped deep in your chest, but the nerves dancing on your skin were the only thing you could feel. "And... I know. I came here to apologize. I'm sorry for a lot of things and I-" Joe was staring at you, searching your face while you started in on your monologue, there was a knock at the door.

"Queen is in town" He huffed. "And so is everyone else." Joe offered an exasperated explanation as he took a few steps to greet whoever he’d actually been expecting.

A happy looking Gwilym Lee bound into the room, and Joe smiled for the first time since your interaction.

"Oh, the gang is all here! I didn't know you were coming along." Gwilym looked at you with a hundred-watt smile that reached his eyes. Your heart didn't know whether to flip or plummet to the floorboards.

"I've just got to change if that's alright." Gwil shrugged to Joe, holding up a small tote of clothes, you presumed. The boy's plans must have been minutes away from happening. Why was your timing always so shit?

"Yeah of course." Joe pointed to the bathroom even though Gwil already knew where to find it. The guy disappeared behind the door and you were left alone with Joe without much time to make things right. You began to fear that your poor timing had left a permeate scar on your friendship with Joe forever, but then he spoke up.

"You can either come with us, and you and I can talk about this later tonight... Or you can go home now. And I really don't think you should do that."

His voice was quiet for the sake of Gwilym happening to hear, but there was a softness in Joe's tone that wasn't there minutes ago. He was giving you a chance. You felt like a kid who'd just weaseled their way out of detention, one folly dismissed, but the rest of your actions being closely monitored until further notice. You had to accept his offer, even if you weren't dressed as well for the occasion.

“Okay.” You nodded, unsure how you were supposed to act, barely processing where you were off too.

The tall Welshman reappeared from the bathroom in record time, sporting a striped mint green shirt and wild eyes.

“Let’s go have some fun!” Gwilym announced, leading the way to the front door. This was like an optical illusion, a fever dream version of the weekend before where everything was the same but so much different all at once.

///

The next thing you knew you were sat in the back of Joe’s car, one seat away from Gwilym, who went on wishing he could stay with Joe again but how there was some hotel in the city paying for his room, hosting some fashion show he had to attend. You wished you could have such worries, but teetered in the middle of feeling excited to see Gwil, and totally afraid of where you and Joe stood.

Just before your thoughts consumed you, the car pulled into the backstage lot of a huge arena. Through a break in the gates, you could see hoards of fans peppering the sidewalks on the horizon, racing to the front doors. At the sight of a couple of young girls and their parents decked in Queen merch, you realized that this night was probably going to be the long-awaited best experience ever, for some of these concert goers. And here you were, an undeserving drag along. You tried not to appear as out of place as you felt while you got out of the car and followed close behind the boys who knew right where to go.

On the way, without a word or a moment's hesitation, Joe grabbed your hand. You couldn't at all be sure if he could tell you were out of your element, or if this was a step in dissolving the divide between you, but you were glad for it either way. You gripped back and took a deep breath, listening to Gwilym ramble about how excited he was for everyone to be together again.

Oh shit, you thought. Of course, everyone was going to be here. Tonight of all nights, when you couldn’t be sure what was going on between you and Joe, he pulled you alongside him through the back halls of an arena. Roadies and techs hauled heavy equipment down side halls, while the one you walked through remained empty and hollow. Your heartbeat was heavy and low, you swore you felt Joe squeeze your hand. Why was he still holding yours?

You didn’t have much more time to worry before you were upon a green room, where several strangers mingled around craft tables hardly looking your way.

The group who did turn around with a cheer was made up of Joe’s former co-stars and dear friends. You knew their faces and remembered their names. Joe made sure they all knew yours.

Lucy was made up of perfect features and a gentle disposition and she hugged you like you’d known her for years. You didn’t know Ben but you’d go so far as to say his smile was genuine and he meant when he said he was glad to finally meet you.

Then there was Rami. You’d learned his name before all this, back when he worked with Joe before. The handsome actor crashed a few facetime calls with Joe and was always nice to you during those virtual hangs. You never really imagined you get the chance to say hello again, and wondered if the superstar even recalled those days at all.

You watched Rami break away from a happy hug with Joe, who started to introduce you. But Rami spoke up first.

"I always wondered when this day would come." Rami let a knowing smirk turn up at the corner of his mouth when he locked eyes with you. And something happened, as you looked at him.

You'd been coping with the fact that everyone kept disappearing. But as you looked at Rami for the first real-time, you realized that some people came back. Rami hugged you without another word, and you hugged him back hard, and it lasted a while. It was as if he knew what you were thinking, how profoundly this meeting altered your perspective.

You spotted Joe watching on with a soft expression that nearly broke your already confused heart. He caught your eye and closed his in a slow blink, silently communicating that for now, everything was okay. When the hug ended, you smiled at Rami and he told you he was glad you were here. If there weren't a mess of other people excitedly chatting around you, you might have just cried.

And of course, that’s when two members of the world’s coolest fucking band bopped into the room, casually greeting new faces and kicking around the lounge as if they weren’t royalty.

Roger and Brian were happy to see Joe and Gwil, and the boys were happy to see the band. You felt all too much like you were invading Joe’s space, but he still looked happy when he reached over to introduce you to Roger and Brian. The rockstars cheerfully acknowledged you and you had no time to process what was happening as the group moved from the green room to the hallway. It was time for the show.

How did you end up here, at the bottom of a spectacular risen stage, watching Joe latch on to his friends who you’d only just meet but made you feel apart nonetheless?

Joe mingled among his friends who seemed to truly adore him, but kept floating back to you, filling you in on inside jokes and old stories. And when you started to tell some of your own, it seemed Joe had already beaten you to the punch, having already told his new friends about all your old adventures.

When Queen took the stage, your world was enveloped by the boom of multiple speakers and songs you’d loved forever. Brian and Roger were masters of their craft. You lost yourself in the spectacle, watching fans raise their fists in the air and sing along to familiar ballads. It wasn’t long before someone tore you from taking it all in, though.

"A ydych yn cael amser da?" Gwilym was leaning toward you, a beer at his chest and a nervous grin on his lips

A smile bloomed across your face as your brain worked at super speeds to piece together what he'd just asked. Living so long in Wales and serving drinks to grumpy old men who had a lot to complain about was the best way to pick up the langue; alongside Tegan who translated stories to you after hours. You didn't know everything, but you knew enough to realize Gwilym had just asked you if you were having a good time. You hadn't heard a thing like it in ages...

"Bydda! Wyt ti?" You laughed, turning to look at Gwil with glee.

"I just texted me mum to ask how to say that on the ride over, I'm sorry I don't know what you just said," Gwilym admitted over a flaming guitar solo, a little tipsy.

"We'll have that secret langue down one day." You laughed.

Everyone had been so lovely and welcoming to you, but Gwil seemed to officially be your friend now, too. You realized that the interaction with him was the first time you’d ever addressed your time in Wales without mentally spiraling down the path of the tragic backstory you scored there. You almost missed the place, now.

As you considered the rocky way your day had started out, you realized that the night had been made of tiny stitches of really good things. You weren’t foolish enough to understand how lucky you were, but you felt undeserving all the while.

Rami kept giving you winks and nods that you somehow understood.

Lucy kept pulling you in for sweet selfies.

And the band played their hearts out. But when they eased into Who Wants To Live Forever, you were sent floating back to earth, cursed by trauma you didn’t even feel attached to any longer, but that still haunted you all the same. The song only sent you deeper into your own thoughts, and luckily when you turned to look for Joe, he was right by your side.

“Thanks for letting me tag along.” You spoke to Joe, leaning in close so he could hear past the song.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Joe leaned closer, and while you didn't know why, you knew he meant it.

///

You were in the backseat of Joe’s car against before you knew it. Gwil had slipped in the front to help find directions to his hotel, planning to get lunch with Joe before he headed home for London at the end of the week.

A part of your heart had been left in that arena, on the stage where two musical icons put on a killer show. In the place where you met some of Joe’s closest confidants, a place you’d been invited too. Your ears rang, and the bright lights that flickered as Joe drove through the city caused you to doze off.

You only caught bits of Gwilym leaving, barely registering when he promised to see you both again. You only really came to when Joe parked in a lot of his building.

What now? You didn’t know. You only followed behind Joe as you noticed him watching to make sure you were close by. Neither of you spoke on the trek up to his place, and even as you passed into his apartment there was a lingering silence. The calm before the storm, you decided.

You stood in his kitchen a few feet apart, knowing that you had to finish what you started here, earlier.

“I know I didn’t give you much of an option showing up unannounced but… why did you invite me to the show?” You asked slowly, trying to reason why Joe would have been nice enough to let you tag along if he was so upset with you earlier.

He stood leaning against the island, staring at you as if he’d forgotten you'd been at odds the last time you stood here.

“Because even though sometimes I don’t understand you, I still want you around. I still want you to be a part of things. It just makes sense.” Joe looked at you through his lashes.

“I’m sorry I’m so good at fucking everything up.” You said, tears stinging your eyes. You didn’t deserve Joe, and he didn’t deserve you and the shadows cast from the cloud that seemed to follow you around these days.

“You don’t fuck everything up,” Joe spoke assuredly. “You might make shit a little difficult sometimes, sure, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you.”

You had been trying not to cry since you got here, but nothing could stop you from bursting into tears, now. Yeah, this was definitely the backward path to making things better. And you were so confused that it was hard to see if things were better or not. All you could do was cover your face in your hands and hope for the best.

And when Joe spoke up to nervously ask why you were crying, all you could say was,

“Because I love you too.” You explained in a frustrated cry. This was another example of how unnecessarily stressful you had to make things, and that only made you cry harder.

But it wasn’t long before you felt Joe approach, cautiously reaching out to calm you down. He pulled you closer and you dared to close the gap, falling against Joe as you struggled to stop your tears.

He held onto you there, letting you cry until you couldn’t any longer. There was an exceptional weight lifted from your shoulders in the midst of letting out everything you’d been trying to push deep down for so long now.

As you steadied your breathing, you wished you didn’t have an excuse to release your latch on Joe. But when he slowly let go of you, he remained just as close. Joe brushed back your hair and wiped away some of your stray tears as you stared at him in awe of his unwavering care.

Then, he kissed you. Joe kissed you. Like the cameras were rolling and you were meant to appear crazy about each other. It all happened so quickly that your brain seemed to short circuit. You came to your senses enough to give into kissing him back, hardly thinking of how you got here, lost in the fact that it was happening at all.

But as the kiss died down and you both parted to catch your breath, you remembered why you came to Joe’s in the first place. And even though his eyes were still locked on your lips, you regretfully had to snap him out of it.

"Don't you dare kiss me again until we figure our shit out," You demand, wagging your finger and spinning over to the couch. It was time to stop pretending you knew everything about each other and ask a few questions.

“We’ve never really talked since I got back. I think we’d better.” You crossed your arms as Joe chuckled, at your demeanor but nodding as if he just realized this was true.

Together you sat facing each other in the middle of his big comfy couch, and seamlessly delved into a conversation about all the bits that made up your complicated life long relationship. You talked about how sorry you were for so many things and how grateful you were for others.

Joe apologized for getting so upset with you when you showed up, today. You apologized for not calling him as often as you should have and missing his dad's funeral. You started to apologize for letting your jealousy get the better of you last week, but Joe stopped you. He admitted that he'd only kept Lacy around so long because he did, in fact, like the attention. Then he apologized for making you feel like you had something to be wrong about.

The conversation lasted for at least an hour or more, until you caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall. It was suddenly three in the morning. There seemed to be so much more left to discuss with Joe, years of conversations had been left unfinished, and you were just getting started on picking up the pieces.

"Hey, remember when I used to joke about you and I swapping places for a day?" You suddenly recalled with a smile. Joe's eyes sparkled with recognition while he barely lifted a brow, suggesting you go on...

"I really believed no one would notice. Because you were always over for dinner and I was always over for breakfast."

"And we were gone together most of the day, anyway." Joe chuckled, eyes blinking slowly like an old trusting cat. You let yourself smile, considering everything all at once. Not much had changed, it seemed...

“What the fuck are we gonna do now, Joe?” You asked, like there was a war outside and no time to find shelter.

“What we’ve been doing. What we’re doing now.” Joe shrugged. “Figuring shit out together.” He stressed that final word with a micro nod and a gleam in his eye.

"Can I stay the night?" You whispered, not out of shyness, just respect. Besides, you already knew the answer. You could tell Joe wasn't going to let you out of his moonstruck sight for the rest of time and you had no plans of straying.

As soon as Joe started to give a nod of approval you slouched closer to him, slinking your arms around his shoulders and nearly falling asleep the second you melted against him.

Joe held you, not too tight. Just warm and precious. His fingers lightly scratched your shoulder blade as you both seemed to sigh in relief.

"I missed you." You muffled against his skin. Joe let out a contented mewl then, pulling you ever so slightly closer against him.

"Do we have all our shit worked out now?" Joe asked in a way you knew was serious. And because for the most part, you did, you said,

"Are you just asking so you can kiss me again?"

You both laughed, just like always. And for the first time in a long time, you weren’t worried about what happened, what was currently happening, or what might. You just felt happy. You were happy.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

#joe mazzello #joe mazello x reader #joe mazzello fanfic #joe mazzello imagine

47 notes · View notes

i-writeandread-blog · 5 years

Text

Halloween (originally a one shot) Chapter 1

This was published as a one shot through @echelonlab but I needed to make an edit to the characters name (as it was originally Cat, and we can’t have that, now can we? Lol) I will change the title once I can come up with something clever. I’m open to suggestions. Anyway, here’s the new updated version. Enjoy!

"Delilah, you have to come. It's Jared Leto's party. You love him. Just say yes. I know it's last minute, but you can't turn down this once in a lifetime opportunity." Angie pleaded with me.

My friend Angie had just moved to LA and somehow managed to get invited to Jared's Halloween party. I couldn't figure out if she was just lucky or if somehow she stalked the right people. She didn't care about Jared or his band, but she knows this is a dream come true for me.

"I can't figure out how you did it, Ang. Of all the people, you get invited to my absolute favorite humans place. But as much as I want to come, how could I? Flights are expensive when they're last minute and in case you didn't know, I'm not loaded with cash." I proffered.

"Delilah, you get on a plane and you come and you meet your idol, I don't want to hear anymore excuses. Do you understand?" She isn't going to let me decline, if I don't show up she'll be mad enough to go months without talking to me. I have no choice. Scared as I am, I am going to LA and I can only hope I can be in the same room with Jared and not fangirl, faint, or make a complete fool of myself.

-~~-

Three days later I found myself exiting LAX airport and into the most welcoming of weather and arms. LA from what I could tell was going to be amazing at every vantage point. Except maybe the few sketchy areas we drove past. I was glad Angie's apartment was nowhere near those places. My eyes were wide and I felt child-like taking it all in.

Angie had been an extra at the film studios back home and when she decided to take a chance and try for bigger things in LA, everyone, myself included, thought she was nuts. But in the 5 months since she arrived she had already been cast in a tv pilot. It was anyone's guess as to if it'd actually be picked up by a network, but she seemed to think it would.

Her apartment was the size of a shoebox, but it was in West Hollywood where she assured me was the "place to be." We didn't stay there but to sleep, so it wasn't that cramped. The next two days we shopped for my Halloween costume and I finally found pieces that would make the perfect one, much to Angie's dismay.

-~~-

"Today's the day! Are you excited?" Angie bounces on the bed. "Go away. It's too early!" I begin throwing pillows at her head. "Not a chance sweetheart, I didn't barter with the devil only to miss out on my favorite girl meeting her celebrity crush. Get. out. of. bed. now!" She is tenacious as ever.

I am nervous and anxious. Time feels like it will stand still, but I know it is just my imagination.

'What will I say to him if given the chance? How will I keep my cool? Will he even notice me?' A million questions and thoughts start running through my head.

"Oh for Heavens sake, get out of your head! Drink your coffee and start getting dressed. It's already 1 in the afternoon, thanks to your laziness. If I didn't know any better I would think you're trying to get out of going." Angie screamed. "I am not! I'm just scared. Look you go get ready and I will do the same." I say even though a part of what she said is right.

I lay out the tights, shorts, and vest of my costume on the couch as Angie showers. As soon as she is done, it's my turn. I work out all the kinks in my neck and let the water massage my tense muscles. I get out and begin the process of making myself into the silliest of characters.

"I don't get your costume. It's so weird. I don't think anyone will know what or who you are." Angie says as she puts on her slutty Little Red Riding Hood outfit. "Yes, but HE will know. That's all that matters. Sorry I couldn't be cliché like you!" I joke. I put on my hat to finish the look and we leave.

We still have several hours before the party but she insists we go out already dressed. We go to eat at a diner and then since we are in Hollywood I request some light sightseeing on Hollywood Blvd. Some people stop and give me a puzzling look. I smile and offer no explanations. To my right I hear a child say "look mommy it's Robin Hood." I have to laugh because I can see where they would think that's what I am.

Time rushes by and it's now 8'o clock so we make our way up into the winding streets of Hollywood Hills and to the Wonderland compound. I get out of the car, blowing out a breath I am holding, grab my props and repeat a mantra in my head, 'I am here. This will change your life, let's do this!'

"Cmon. Let's go have some fun and meet some crazy rich celebrities!" Angie grabs my arm and pulls. "Wait! I'm not ready!" The words rush out past my lips.

Angie is trying to get me moving by saying, "It's go time, the time is nigh, now or never."

"Do or die." I whisper.

"Huh? Yeah whatever. Let's just go in. If it becomes too much for you, just squeeze my arm and we will leave, okay?" I begin squeezing her arm. "Not now dork! Give it at least 20 minutes."

The music is louder the closer we get to the door, people are arriving in droves, but I don't recognize anyone yet. We walk in and follow everyone else towards what I think is where Jared recently did a private concert for radio winners.

I notice Jared instantly. He's standing in the shadows apparently aware of everyone around him, his eyes darting around, but he's talking with Jamie and Jordan and laughing. I look away feeling a pang of guilt for staring in the first place. I can't help but think he looks gorgeous in his Jon Snow getup.

Almost immediately I find myself separated from Angie. Panic starts to rise up and I try to calm myself with breathing in and out. I don't know anyone here aside from her. I turn toward the entrance we walked in from, then back to the other garage-like door which opens out to the pool. There's people everywhere. I look back to where Jared was, but he's not there anymore.

"Oh no no no." I blurt out. Then directly behind me I hear, "I'm the only Bart Cubbins in this house." It's Jared's unmistakable voice. I gulp.

I turn to find myself face to face with Jared. My breathing hitches in my throat. He gives me a sly smile and licks his lips. I'm fairly certain I am going to pass out. He stands back and gives me a once over look. "This is perfection! I don't know why I didn't think of this."

I curtsy and almost immediately regret it. "It was the only thing I could think of to wear once I found these hats at a costume shop. But I could never try to be the real Bart Cubbins." I explain to him. "Oh I don't know about that! Looks pretty spot on to me. I'm Jared." He offers his hand.

Of course he has to know that I'm aware of who he is, after-all it is his party, but even if there were questions as to whether or not I knew it was his party and in fact him, the mere fact that I am dressed as his favorite Dr. Seuss character should be a good indicator.

"I'm Delilah. It's nice to meet you Jared." I shake his hand. "Delilah, how did you come to be at my party? I don't recognize you?" I begin to freak out. 'Am I not meant to be here? I'm gonna kill Angie!' The look of panic must be evident on my face because Jared laughs and says, "don't worry, I'm not kicking you out or anything, just didn't know why I've never had the pleasure of meeting you before."

"Im umm..." My throat is dry and I look around to see where the drinks in people's hands are coming from. Jared notices. "How about I get you a drink and we go sit somewhere quieter where we can talk?" As much as I'd like to take him up on his offer I wouldn't dare dream on acting upon it. "No, I don't want to take you away from your party and your friends." He shakes his head, not letting me say no.

He leans in close. "I'll tell you a secret, half the people here I don't like. The other half are either friends or employees who won't even miss me if I leave." I can't believe what he is saying. Under different circumstances I would miss him if he left the room. "Come. I'll give you the grand tour." He takes my hand and leads me into the house. I notice several eyes on me as we make our exit. He really has no idea how wrong he is about being missed. Or I'm wrong and the people staring are looking for gossip fodder.

We enter the kitchen and he asks if I would like something to eat. I shake my head no. I'd throw up instantly from all the bundled up nerves inside of me going crazy. He hands me a glass and asks what I would like to drink. I tell him water to which he replies, "you're at a party, live a little." I think about it for a second. "You don't drink, and you're at a party." He steps back closing the fridge. "Touché. But I think you need some lubrication, you're too stiff." He emphasizes the words lubrication and stiff. It almost makes it sound sexual. "Okay, I'll have whatever you think I should have, you're the boss." He quickly makes up a gin and tonic and hands it to me. I swallow it down quickly. The corners of his lips curl up. "I'll have another please, less tonic though." He makes the 2nd one and then guides me to the next room of the complex.

There are a few people scattered around but as if they know something I don't, they scurry off as soon as we walk into each room. He points out the living room, some office space, and a bathroom. Then we go back to the stairs and I follow him up watching his ass the entire time.

"I feel your eyes on me little girl, do you like what you see?" I blush. "Yeah, it's quite the view." I reply. The alcohol has opened up my self confidence, otherwise I'd have never said that aloud.

He turns around quickly and looks me over once again, almost as if he's seeing me for the first time. Or maybe he is undressing me with his eyes. I can't handle it so I keep walking past him.

"Mmm, now I have a nice view." He states matter of fact once I'm in front of him. As soon as we both reach the top of the stairs he pushes me against the wall. He's much stronger than I think anyone gives him credit for. "What's going on inside of your head?" He asks while tilting his head this way and that. "You're quiet now, what happened to the bold little girl from 30 seconds ago?" I giggle. "Oh for fucks sake, it's just a number." But I'm still giggling. He releases me and opens a door to the right of us.

"This is a guest room." I peek in and see a bed and some artwork. He closes the door and steps across the hallway. "This is my moms room when she comes." He points to a door but doesn't open it. And then he walks a few steps and opens another door and shows me the upstairs guest bathroom. Directly across from the bathroom door is another room and down the hall at the end is one more door. He opens the door next to the guest room and walks in.

"This is my bedroom. Come in, I'll show you the view." I walk in and see his bed made up in white linen. There's a door on one side of his bed leading to a closet which he opens. I see flashes of color everywhere I look and can tell most of it is designer, and almost all is Gucci.

"What's the other door down the hall lead to?" I ask since this appears to be our last stop. "Ohh that's just storage." I let it go because he clearly didn't want me to know what it could be, but I couldn't help but wonder why there was a light on in there. It was hardly visible through the crack in the door, maybe a lamp was on.

"Well, I'm impressed Jared. It's very nice. But why am I getting to see all of this?" I can't help but wonder how I became so lucky.

"You wear a costume to a party I am hosting-that only I would know what you are dressed as, and you didn't think my curiosity would be peaked?"

"I wore this yes because it was your party, but also because I didn't want to be like everyone else. I'm not made for wearing sexy nurse costumes." He starts laughing at my revelation. "Oh Delilah, you are most definitely made for sexy nurse or sexy anything costumes. You don't even realize how sexy you are. Even dressed this ridiculously." He reaches towards my head and takes the hat and wig off. He takes off the cape he is wearing and sits down on the bed.

"Sit down with me. I want to know more about you. Who is Delilah?" He slides back towards the headboard and pats the empty space next to him. I sit down but just on the edge, not sure how comfortable I should get, but he grabs me by the waist and guides me back. "So?"

"Well I lead a fairly boring existence, I don't want to disappoint you. Let's talk about something else." I can tell this wasn't the right answer so I continue, "okay well let's see. I am 32, I started an online store about two years ago selling homemade candles, incense, and soaps. Umm, I have a dog named Sorcia- you know from the movie Willow..." he nods. "I just bought a condo in Myrtle Beach, SC. Nothing special." Then I mumble almost inaudibly, "oh I also have a twin who I killed. Anyways, what about you."

Jared shakes his head and laughs. My face however remains deadpanned. "Wait that last bit... it's true?"

"Yeah, so anyway your turn." I try to change the subject. I don't even know why I felt comfortable opening up and telling him that.

"Oh no, you don't get off that lightly. What the fuck do you mean you killed your twin sister?" He stands up and walks towards the window which overlooks the pool. "Should I be worried, should I kick you out?"

"No, Jared. I'm not a psychopath, I'm not crazy, I don't even know why I told you." I stand up and walk towards the door, but somehow even though he was further away he catches me and stops me. His eyes are glaring at me and daring me to tell him more. "Okay, I'll tell you the whole story. You're gonna want to sit for this." He sits back down at the foot of the bed as I begin my story, pacing back and forth.

"Three years ago my twin Penelope was in an accident. Somehow she survived but she was changed. Like a switch in her brain had been triggered. She became depressed and angry. Then that turned into doing really odd things. She'd offer people things, like for instance, my aunt had come over and she asked if she wanted ice cream... after she ate it my sister laughed and said she had poisoned it. Or she'd bring people a book but the pages would be torn out. Just really weird and vile things. She just wasn't the same. After months of doctors not knowing what was wrong and being tormented by her we thought it best to send her away. Before we could she attacked me." I show him the scar on my stomach where she had stabbed me. His eyes go wide. "She said I would never put her away, never separate us. She intended I think to kill me and then herself. I don't know how I overpowered her, but I did. I got the knife and stabbed her several times. I couldn't believe what I had done and I was so scared. I had an anxiety attack and blacked out. When I woke up there was so much blood. Her body wasn't there, but when the cops came they said no one would survive that amount of blood loss. They searched the woods and followed a trail of blood. It ended at one point or another, but they never found her body. They figured an animal must have found her and dragged her body away. They thought maybe a bear. Oh God, this is the worst thing I have ever done and no one here in LA apart from my friend downstairs knows this. I'm so sorry Jared. I'll leave now." Jared rubs his hands up and down his thighs and shakes his head no.

"No, I don't want you to leave. You're so brave. Thanks for telling me. We all have hidden skeletons in our closets. You weren't charged with a crime, were you?"

"No, the police said it was in self defense." I explained.

"You're hardly a murderer, Delilah. You're a survivor and to me that is the hottest thing about you." He stands up and closes the distance between us. He stares into my eyes asking for permission and then crashes his lips on mine. The room instantly goes from ice cold to boiling. His hands are wrapped in my hair and he stops only long enough to take a breath, until we hear a noise.

It's coming from the room he said was just storage. It sounded like something fell, maybe a box. He laughs nervously and then leans forward to attack my lips again with his, but then there's another noise and it sounds like footsteps. Annoyed he steps back and says, "hold on, someone from the party must have come upstairs. Let me go tell them to fuck off and leave, okay?" I agree and sit down on the bed.

He walks out. I try to catch my breath. I bring my fingers up to my lips and smile. It was everything I'd have ever hoped and imagined. My thoughts were broken when I heard a scream followed by Jared saying "what the hell is this? Who the hell are you?" And then another scream, a scuffle, and footsteps running towards his bedroom door. The last thing I hear before the door opens is Jared yelling, "Delilah , run!"

#thirty seconds to mars #jared leto #30 seconds to mars #jared leto fanfiction #jared leto fic #jared leto fiction

15 notes · View notes

istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 6 years

Text

Tomorrow Never Came PT. 4

You have one job - travel decades into the past and save your mother from a horrible future. You can’t fail or you’ll have to start over again completely, and you have to act on your own. Already having broken rule number two, a new revelation forces you to reflect on how much impact you’ll truly have, not just on your mother’s life, but on other’s as well.

Read PT. 1 here | Read PT. 2 here | Read PT. 3 here

(a/n: i wish i could have put more deacon in this ksdkfjsd i love him but it felt forced if i put too much in there. anyways big things happening here hehe ok not huge but still wild. im gonna go to a basketball game now pray that the nacho cheese is good bc im craving a walking taco)

“So you were just working and you heard this loud boom? That’s terrible!” Brian exclaimed, leaning forward from between you and John. His abnormally long legs were spread out, leaving you scarcely any room to sit comfortably as the six of you chatted away.

“Yes, it was quite terrifying, really,” Mary practically gushed, leaning over Freddie’s lap as they lounged on the floor together, Freddie’s back against the side of the chair Roger was casually seated in. “There were hundreds of us in there, I’d never learned any protocol on how to handle a bomb threat. Closed us down until a few days ago, the back room was in shambles!”

“Who did it?” you questioned, genuinely curious about who would have a beef with Biba in this day and age. That being said, you also knew this day and age almost purely in textbook definitions and whatever the limited scope of your world had to offer you in the last two months – so basically, you only knew 70’s Kensington.

“Wasn’t it the Angry Brigade?” John chimed in, rifling through a magazine lackadaisically as he spoke. “I think I read that they claimed it in IT.”

“What have they got to be so angry about?” you asked, Roger snorting and letting his head fall back against the chair as he rested a leg on Freddie’s shoulder, quickly getting it brushed off. Giving Freddie a sour look, he hooked his legs over the armrest instead, lazing back in the chair and getting extra comfortable as he began to speak.

“I’d be angry if I had horrid taste in clothing too. Imagine wanting to bomb Biba and thinking ‘Wow, I’m really letting those fashionable fuckers have it! Anarchy!’”

Freddie toyed with Mary’s hair as she draped herself over his lap completely. Smiling at the sweet gesture, you hugged your knees to your chest and rested your chin on your right knee, looking down at the couch in front of you and tugging on a frayed fabric.

“Well, at least you’ve got a job again,” Freddie directed at Mary, who nodded and smiled as she leaned into his hand that was running through her hair.

“And you’ve got a place to come pester me besides my flat,” she added, laughing when Freddie retracted his hand and gave her a resentful glance before crossing his arms. “I’m joking, I love when you come see me at work, lovie! Don’t stop playing with my hair, I like it.”

Rolling his eyes playfully, Freddie sighed before going back to running his fingers through her hair. You were observing their conversation all the while, so when they quieted, you looked up and found that Roger had also been watching them. He looked up and met your gaze, pretending to gag himself with his middle finger and making you laugh as you turned away from him.

“What’s so funny? Surely, it’s not Roger.” Brian’s tone held a sort of faux innocence, but he was clearly prying at Roger’s patience – what was new, though? In the handful of times you’d been around this rag tag group of friends for the past two months, they had tested each other’s patience in every way possible. Yet here everyone was, laughing and having a good time with each other over a couple bottles of cheap wine. You regretted that you didn’t get to spend more time with them – you used overtime hours at the café as an excuse, but you knew that it was mainly because you really didn’t want to cry any harder than you already were going to when you had to return to your actual reality.

“I’ll have you know, Brian, I’m a regular comedian!” Roger protested, taking a sip of his wine as he glared over the rim at the curly-haired giant next to you. “Y/N was laughing at me, in fact. Or maybe it was your pants, who knows?”

Brian looked down at his admittedly hideous trousers, a shitty shade of brown that did not compliment his skin tone well at all. On top of that, they were a horrendous pinstripe pattern, and they didn’t match the striped green jumper he had on. “I’d rather accept that than even entertain the notion that you were remotely funny enough to make anyone laugh.”

“Salty today, Brian?” you asked, giving him a gently nudge with your elbow and receiving a nudge in response as he chuckled, crossing his arms.

Suddenly, Roger was giggling gleefully to himself, playing with a kerchief he’d had around his neck as he seemed extremely amused by it. “Brian,” you thought you’d heard him mumble, and you raised an eyebrow as you watched his snickers intensify, making him squeeze his eyes shut for a moment. He was clearly enjoying something, and you were eager to know what was so funny about what you’d just said.

“Rog, what in the hell are you going on about over there?” Brian asked, doing the dirty work for you as you watched expectantly, Roger’s eyes raising to meet the gazes of both of you.

His cheeks reddened a bit and he nervously let his eyes fall back to his kerchief, fiddling with it. “Nothing, I just thought of something funny.”

“Let’s hear it then,” you encouraged, giving him a smile as he chuckled and glanced at you quickly, giving an almost ashamed smile while he tried to decide whether he should say it or not. He felt anxious, like he was under a microscope suddenly, and he knew that the joke he’d said in his head was cringe-worthy at best. But you looked so insistent and so supportive of him that he finally grumbled and dropped the kerchief to his lap.

“I was laughing because I thought you called him Brine.”

The look on your face faltered as you struggled to comprehend what he was saying. “You thought I called him Brian? Isn’t that his name?”

“No!” Roger whined, Brian cocking his head to the side and making Roger groan as he pressed a hand to his forehead. “I mean, yes, that’s his name! But I thought you called him Brine, like salt water brine, and I laughed because it’s salty and so is Brine. I mean, Brian. Damn it! It’s fucking funny, okay?” He quickly shot up out of his seat, stomping towards the kitchen as you watched, still just as confused as ever, but Brian was laughing.

“You ever notice how much faster he moves when he’s wrong?” Brian noted, and you couldn’t help but laugh as he rose from his seat, following Roger into the kitchen as he refused to pass up an opportunity to keep giving him hell. Today, and only today, Brian seemed to have time to keep up with Roger.

Keeping up with Roger any other day? Now that was a chore. As much as you tried to focus on the sole reason you were here in 1970’s London, you couldn’t help but be intrigued by Roger as an individual. He was an enigma, his motives, knowledge, and way with words completely baffling to you. With people like Brian, it was easy. Brian, although reserved, was very much an intellectual when he spoke, and he always had a sort of predictability to him. Sure, he was a wild man when he’d had a few pints, but not like Roger. Roger was a wild man every single day, and it excited you so much that it simultaneously exhausted you.

You were lulled out of your thoughts by the feeling of the couch sinking down next to you again, and you found that Roger was now seated next to you instead, in the midst of an argument with Brian.

“Brian, you’re just upset because you’re so clearly up your own arse that you can’t understand anyone else’s humor! Get a grip, mate.” Watching Roger, you observed as he glared at the taller man, who sunk down into the chair that Roger had been in just moments ago.

“Or you just have an unrefined sense of humor?” Brian suggested, his voice laced with the slightest bit of animosity as he tried and nearly failed to ignore the “up your arse” comment. When Roger rolled his eyes and began mocking him in a high-pitched, feminine voice, Brian scoffed and looked down at Freddie, who’d been watching the exchange quietly. “What a pathetic display. I’m genuinely ashamed God made me a man.”

“Yeah, well I don’t think God’s doing a lot of bragging either!” Roger spit back, fire practically shooting out of Brian’s eyes as his head whipped up so he was staring at Roger.

“You fucking wanker! You’re just showing off and trying to be all funny because Y/N is here,” Brian accused, his usually gentle hazel eyes brimming with hostility. Your eyes widened at the tension that settled between the two of them, a heavy weight in the air as you desperately looked at Freddie for some help. Freddie just shrugged, though, offering no assistance and pretending to ignore the petty argument as he braided a small section of Mary’s hair.

“Um, should I go?” you asked, pointing at the door as you glanced between Brian and Roger. Obviously, this tiff had something to do with you, and while you had no idea how, you figured it was best for you to just let them figure it out. Rising to your feet, you tugged your pajama shorts down before grabbing your glass of wine and padding off to Roger’s room as Roger yelled at Brian once again.

“Now you’ve done it, you big moron. You’ve scared our roommate out of her own room! God, you’re really something, Brian.”

Snickering at the fiery words, you shook your head and entered Roger’s semi-messy room, crossing over to the window and curling up in one of the two beanbags situated next to it. Tucking your legs underneath you, you sipped your wine and stared out at the twilight sky, a creamy semidarkness to the horizon that framed the city’s buildings. You could just see the outlines of the church across the street, which made you scowl as you imagined your mom’s haggard face, her head leaning back against that damned rocking chair, just sitting there motionlessly. “Fucking prick,” you muttered, the fleeting thought of your father and the two men from the church poisoning your thoughts, a bitter reminder of your current purpose.

“Yeah, Brian can be a bit of a headcase, but he’s alright sometimes.” You jumped as you suddenly heard Roger’s voice behind you, and you turned to look at him as he crossed the room and stood opposite of you, leaning against the window frame.. “Definitely a fucking prick, though.”

“Oh,” you breathed out softly, furrowing your eyebrows as you pushed all of your previous thoughts out. “Yeah, he’s mental. Funny guy, though.”

“Don’t say that,” Roger groaned, giving you a small grin before he looked out the window as well. “Fred wants you back out there. Says he’s got an announcement.”

“I suppose I better bless the room with my presence then, huh?” you teased, Roger chuckling and pulling you to your feet before letting you lead the way. As you exited his room, he tried and failed to ignore the way your pajama shorts were riding up, just revealing the curve of your ass beneath it. Catching his tongue between his teeth, he had a brief ‘Lord help me’ moment before it was ended all too soon by your hand reaching down to tug the shorts back into their original place again.

Following you out to the main room again, Roger resumed his spot on the couch next to you as Deacon chatted with Mary politely, quieting down when he realized everyone was there again. Brian shifted uncomfortably in the chair, avoiding looking at you or Roger as he waited for Freddie, who was now in the kitchen, to speak.

“Now that we’ve decided to take the band more seriously, I figured I should start taking myself more serious now too.” Freddie walked out with an envelope of things, pulling out what looked like a passport and handing it to Brian, then pulling out a few sketches and handing them to Deacon, who marveled at the artwork as Brian looked up at Freddie. There was an amused look on his face, and you listened curiously as they spoke while you sipped your wine.

“Mercury? Like our song?”

“Freddie fucking Mercury. Doesn’t that sound delightful?” You choked on your sip of wine, turning beet red as they all glanced at you. This was news. Freddie Bulsara was actually Freddie Mercury, standing right here in front of you, your roommate and closest friend for two months, and you’d had no idea. “Well, if you didn’t like it dear, you could have just said so!” Freddie laughed, handing you a paper towel so you could wipe the wine off of your nose.

You laughed nervously with him, cleaning yourself up as you stared up at him, still floored at this development. “Just went down the wrong pipe,” you replied quietly, in awe at the living legend who’d just handed you a paper towel because you were a moron who didn’t put two and two together for actual months. If that was Freddie Mercury, then this must be Queen. It had to be Queen.

Your suspicions were confirmed as Deacon handed the sketches over to Roger, who ooh’ed and aah’ed at them as he eyed the details. There was the Queen crest, and you felt dizzy as you realized how blind you’d been all this time. You were casually rooming with two rock legends and you thought you’d just been slumming with a few students that had side gigs as musicians.

“Mercury seems like a bit much, but then again, you are a bit much,” Brian taunted, Freddie tossing a pillow at him as he sat back down again, chuckling.

“Well, as some illustrious person once said, ‘You can tell a lot about a man by his name.’”

“You just made that up, didn’t you?” Brian asked, raising an eyebrow at Freddie, who laughed once again.

“Maybe. But I do stand by it, honest!”

It all made sense now. Your mom had been a huge fan of these guys – you, not so much, for you were admittedly out of touch with the 80’s and 70’s. But you very vaguely knew about them, and of course, the two remaining members were still bigshots as far as your country was concerned. John Deacon, the bass player who’d dropped off the face of the Earth in the 90’s, lounging at the end of the couch. Brian May, the guitar legend who’d once played on top of Buckingham, squinting at Freddie’s passport and turning it in his hands. And next to you, ogling at the newly designed logo for his band, Roger fucking Taylor, a legend as far as drumming was concerned and one hell of a singer from what your mom had said.

You’d never asked him about the band or about the name. You really had thought they’d just been playing in pubs for fun, which at this point, they might very well be. And you’d never been around to hear them practicing or talking about the band – you’d been too busy in your own little world of the café and the church that you hadn’t paid any mind to their musical work. Now, you realized that you very well should have.

“You want to have a look?” Roger suddenly asked, grabbing your attention again as he offered you the papers, which you accepted shakily. It felt like your head was spinning as you stared down at the iconic crest, the two lions that framed the crown and letter Q, which was topped by a crab. Two fairy women stared up at the Q from below, and a phoenix stole the show at the top of it all, encompassing the entire work and bringing it all around into one big individual crest.

“Don’t hog it, I want to see,” Brian complained, and Roger rolled his eyes as you took a deep breath and handed it to Brian, who switched you for the passport. There was Freddie, long hair, clean-shaven face. This was not the iconic Freddie photo you knew. You only knew Freddie from the mustache, from the unique voice. This was a young Freddie, an inexperienced Freddie – this was not the same rock legend that your mom adored back in the present.

Oh, God. “I need some air, I’m getting a bit overheated,” you murmured, handing off the passport to Roger, who glanced at you curiously before looking over the document with Deacon. Excusing yourself, you tiptoed back to Roger’s room and opened the window, leaning out as your heart sank in your chest, heavy with the weight of what you knew.

Freddie Mercury was dead long before you’d even been born. AIDs had prematurely ended his life, his career, and that was something that even you knew. A man you considered to be one of your best friends as of currently would be dead in 20 years, and there was nothing you could do about it. You couldn’t stay here for a whole two decades, monitoring Freddie, keeping him out of harm’s way. Who knew how he’d contracted the horrible disease? It could have been anything at any time. And that killed you inside.

On the other hand, you had to watch yourself. This was literally Queen you were talking about here - if you meddled any more than you currently were, who knows what kind of shit could happen to the band? How big of an impact were you going to have here? Anything you say could alter their path irreversibly. If it was bad enough, you’d have to restart your mission completely, setting you back months in your progress already. God, this is some Butterfly Effect-type shit. I miss Brooklyn 99 and not having an existential crisis every time I make a choice.

“Freddie asked me to bring this to you, I figured you’d be in here again.” Roger’s voice once again interrupted your train of thought, and you sighed as you waved listlessly at the floor next to you, leaving your head resting on your other arm in the window frame. “You alright? You’re not gonna keel over on me, are you? ‘Cause I’d prefer if you bit the big one in Freddie’s room.”

“Fuck off,” you laughed weakly, sliding back into the room and dragging yourself onto one of the bean bags as you picked up the refilled wine glass that he’d brought you. When you looked up at him, he shrugged and took a seat across from you, his legs tangled with yours in the small space. “Sorry for being a party pooper. Just have a lot on my mind, and I’m tired.”

“Well, you are working a lot,” Roger remarked, a worried expression crossing his face as he crossed his arms. He was undeniably gorgeous, even in the dark. The streetlights coming in from the window highlighted his face in a way that made his cheekbones seem even more prominent, his jawline sharper than usual, casting an angular shadow on his neck. Light played around in his eyes, making them paler but just as striking as he observed you with a concerned eye. “Maybe you should take some time off, you’ll catch your death if you don’t relax a bit.”

His words were sinfully calming to you, and you beat yourself up inside as you sipped at your wine glass, tearing your eyes away from his irresistible gaze to look out the window at the now-night sky. “No, I need to focus on work,” you murmured, an uneasy look passing over your face as you avoided his piercing gaze, refusing to falter. You had to focus. Your mom’s livelihood was in your hands. “It’s too important.”

“Are you not important too?” he questioned, making your heart race. You couldn’t help yourself – you met his gaze once more, chewing on your lip as the intimidating stare seemed to try and pick you apart, piece by piece. He was worried about you - this meant he was genuinely attached to you, and that terrified you. But you couldn’t help yourself once again - you had to pry.

“I don’t know. Am I?”

PT. 1 PT. 2 PT. 3

taglist - @sitonmyhot-seatoflove @crosmopolitan @just-ladyme @rogerfxckingtaylor @fourmisfitz @shae-is-not-ok @moreinfinite @fruityfreddie @poachedhazontoast @strawberryfields-forever @imladrs @psychoticobsession @ladylannisterxo @rebelrebelyourefaceisamess @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @wanderingsami @stardvstial @iminlovewith-rogers-car @glowungeyes

message me/reply to this to be added to the permanent taglist!

EDIT: HI IM SORRY I FUCKED UP THE LAYOUT ON MOBILE I LITERALLY HATE TUMBLR MOBILE WITH MY WHOLE BEING HAHAHAHAA FUCK

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #queen imagine #time travel #time travel imagine

51 notes · View notes

rogsclogs · 6 years

Text

Some Day One Day (Brian May x Reader); Part 2.

taglist: @brighter-thanthe-sky @im-a-sheerheartattack @fruityfreddie @discodeacygotmorerhythm (If you want to be added please message me)

If you still haven’t read part 1 just look up ‘Some day one day’ within my tags, I tag every fan fiction under the name of the series

Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy :)

Y/N probably would never admit it to anyone else other than her own subconscious, but she soon started finding the coursework more demanding than she’d initially expected and things started getting a bit out of control for her, making her doubt her choice of a lifetime. At first everything seemed to be going great, she’d made a good impression on Mr. May who knew just how far to push her and the rest of the class so that they could learn new things without tiring them out, but at some point Y/N started losing track of her progress and falling behind unexpectedly.

She didn't even know the reason for all of her mental confusion, but she assumed it was just stress due to all her other classes and assignments and trying to keep up with her social life as well, which is something that most students struggle with, but she was probably just suffering more from it.

All of a sudden the numbers on her papers got mixed up with letters from ancient languages that she struggled to give meaning to and her grades kept dropping like never before, leaving her an anxious mess on her apartment floor every Thursday and Friday after class, wondering why she couldn't just get the fucking answer right and why the fuck it all seemed so fucking fucked up (her own words). Truth is, she wasn't used to failing. She’d been the best pupil of the bunch ever since third grade and, while she truly didn't care too much about being the best at everything, she was used to doing the bare minimum and still getting great results, this simply wasn't the case and she didn't know how to handle the truth of the situation, nor did she know how to break it to her parents that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't meant for astrophysics.

She’d never hear the end of it, they would assume she was giving up on life altogether and she’d be in deep shit.

Mr. May (he’d told his class that his first name was Brian, but he still expected to be addressed properly in the formal environment of the college campus) had noticed a shift in her attitude, she had always had a sparkling personality in class, raising her hand and proving all the annoying geniuses wannabe wrong when they thought she couldn't figure the answer out and she provided the right one each and every single time. And Brian was so happy with her, he really was, because he’d started to like the girl, he’d started to like the way her eyes lit up when they approached a new topic in class and she wanted to know all about it within the first half hour. He’d sometimes laughed at her enthusiasm, but as the days went by and it started to wear out and be replaced by hollow looking eyes, he realized how much he really missed it.

Every student was struggling, that's just the way it was meant to work and he knew it. He'd been assigned this course five years prior, so he wasn't new to the job or anything and he was aware that even the smartest of students were bound to have issues, that's what the tutoring sessions were for, but although some of them had quit and given up on the subject altogether, none of them seemed so torn by their grades as she did.

It literally broke his heart to have to give her another bad grade after each test, especially when rewarding her hard work was so much more enthusiastic, but there was close to nothing he could do about it so he just let the look on her face get sadder each day, wondering where he went wrong. Was he really such a bad teacher? He wanted all his students to succeed but maybe he was doing something to prevent that.

“Okay class, good morning and welcome back. So, today you were supposed to hand in your quantum physics assignment, which I hope you all found reasonable enough to finish. I expect it on my desk by the end of class, is everyone good with that?” He spoke while fixing his glasses back on his slim nose and pushing his long curly hair out of his face so he could see better, something he tended to do whenever he started his lecture.

His big and attentive eyes scanned the room as he softly smiled at his students and their barely awake faces that he had grown so accustomed to. His eyes lingered a bit longer on a certain person though, he’d been keeping an eye on her for some time after all and he watched her from afar, trying to understand what was going on inside her beautiful mind. Y/N wanted to disappear as soon as the words left her professor’s lips, as she realized she’d completely forgotten about that one assignment, too busy trying to finish the one from the week prior, which she still had to hand in.

Mr. May had been kind enough to give her a pass for once, considering she’d always been on top of her game with handing things in and such, but she was sure that this time around he wouldn't be as understanding and she was admittedly quite scared of talking to him. The lesson went on as normal, they were covering the topic of interplanetary dust and learning all the basics about it since they were then expected to do a whole research about it as part of their final exam.

Y/N was trying her hardest to focus on the enormous blackboard stuck to the wall in front of her, but a little voice inside her head kept reminding her that she was a failure and she absolutely did not deserve to be in the same class as some of the smartest people from her college. She was just another average girl who’d gotten lucky and who had never developed actual skills for the subject, she didn't even know why she was aiming so high-

“Miss Y/L/N, is everything okay?” his voice had managed to catch her attention fully and she sat up straight and just nodded back at Mr. May, hoping he’d let her get away with her lack of concentration once again, but apparently he had different plans.

“Will you stay for a while after class, miss? I want to talk to you briefly” his eyes were stern as he let her know that she was in trouble, and understandably so. He probably wanted to kick her out of his class at that exact moment.

She deserved to fail. She couldn't think of anything else and she spent the last hour of lecture fidgeting with her own fingers and trying to take some notes on whatever it was that was written on the blackboard, while harshly scratching her face with her nails every once in a while out of frustration and nervousness. Time went by faster than she’s hoped, and while everyone stopped by the professor’s desk to hand in their work before leaving the hall to finally talk about something that didn't involve physics, she slowly walked over to him and waited for him to say goodbye to all the other students.

“Where’s your homework, Miss?” He was talking directly at her this time and she knew she couldn't hide anymore.

“I’m sorry Mr. May, I completely forgot about it until you mentioned it earlier today, it won’t happen again”

“But this is not even the first time something like this happens to you, if I’m not mistaken I gave you a pass last week for the same reason, what is going on with you?” He couldn't help but raising his voice a little towards the end, she’d begun the semester so well and here she was, throwing all her hard work away.

“I’m sorry, it was just distraction and nothing else, I don’t know where my mind is lately” Y/N tried to joke although it came out a bit choked since she was holding back tears from all the anger and frustration she was going through, but Brian could tell that something else was up with her and he couldn't just ignore it and let her get back to her self destructive means.

“I can see that something is bothering you and taking a toll on you, I don't want to intrude, but I’m truly worried about whatever it is that’s making you behave this way Miss. You used to be one of my best students, what the hell is going on now?” He was getting carried away and although he could hear it in his voice himself, he was coming from a place of care and wasn't able to stop himself to think about the consequences of his harsh sounding voice, so it took him by surprise when the girl in front of him bursted into tears.

#Brian May #Brian May x reader #queen fandom #queen #queen imagines #queen x reader #borhap #bohemian rhapsody #fanfiction #writeblr #some day one day

36 notes · View notes

evaninepercent · 6 years

Text

Lin Yanjun ( Harry Potter AU)

Lin Yanjun x OC au!

In which Lin Yanjun is a Slytherin and you are a Hufflepuff, but you both fall in love despite your differences

You’re a reserved hufflepuff and he’s a sarcastic flirt, but, oh well.

here’s the hp au i’ve been waiting to write forever

bc im a sucker for hp aus

anyway let’s start the story shall we

let’s just say lin yanjun left the biggest impression on possibly everyone on the very first day all of you shy first years stepped into Hogwarts

everyone of you were huddled together, terrified and robes sopping wet bc the giant squid was having a bad day

and the atmosphere was tense and silent

until Professor McGonagall snapped

“ Please be quiet, Mr Lin!”

bc Yanjun was helluva excited on his first boat ride and wouldn’t stop chatting to his newfound friend which you would later know as You Zhangjing

you would expect him to clam up and duck his head in shame

but instead he lifted his head higher and flashed the most charming smile at the older lady and said-

“ you look absolutely gorgeouuss today, professor!”

fyi he would’ve have drained his house from their hard-earned marks if he wasn’t unsorted

but you were pretty sure he was the first student in Hogwarts to use the flirting technique on a professor bc you swore you caught a hint of flush on Professor McGonagall’s pale cheeks

thus everyone immediately dubbed the pretty dimpled asian boy as a Gryffindor

so all of you were shooketh af when the Sorting Hat screamed ‘Slytherin’ at the top of its lungs the moment it touched his head

fast forward to the present

you were a bashful daydreamer of the house of Hufflepuff

and Yanjun was the hopeless flirt of Slytherin

you didnt like Yanjun bc

ugh

he flirts with everybody

his friends, the professors, every single girl he makes eye contact with

you even saw him flirting with Moaning Myrtle once

granted, she probably enjoyed it, but still-

it was also a well-known fact that the first resort to getting him and his gang out of shit was with his flirting

and you even don’t know if its because he’s actually convincing or its just his handsome face doing the work

but it works almost every single time

though, you didnt have personal experience with his flirting until your sixth year

bc you were doing your best to avoid him lmao

but alas

guess who got paired up with you in potions

booM

the one and only lin yanjun

you can only look tearfully at your best friend Linong as he paired up with somebody else

anyway the first few weeks were absolutely terrible

he wouldn’t stop flirTING WITH YOU

“ did someone cast expelliarmus? because you got me completely disarmed.”

as much as Hufflepuffs are known for their cinnamon roll traits

you really wanted to strangle him so he can stfu

cue Linong shooting you worried glances everytime yanjun opens his mouth

and one day you just lose it

“ can you please just shut up? you’re irritating the heck out of me!”

which is really an ouch, but a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do

the whole class falls silent bc you?? the shy sweet hufflepuff?? is yelling at the Lin Yan Jun?? gasPP

you were half expecting yanjun to retort with some snarky ass rebuttal but he just stares at you with his wide round eyes and for the first time in history, looks ashamed of himself

“ im sorry, y/n.” he said, twiddling nervously with his robes. “ i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.”

and the guilt kicks you hard in the stomach bc you didn’t have to be so harsh omg

anyway one Potions class and a deduction of marks from Hufflepuff later ( bc of your misconduct) you dashed out in embarrassment without even waiting for Linong so you can hide in the deepest parts of the library and drown yourself in shame and self-hate

how are you going to face your Hufflepuff friends?? your parents?? lin yanjun??

anxiety at its finest

but just when you’re about to literally entomb yourself in the library you glance up and meet eyes with the person you were abt to avoid your whole life aka yanjun

like holy shit how did he know you were here

he gives you this anxious look before he scooted closer and sits down right next to you

then he gives you a handful of sugared butterfly wings

his sudden act sorta rendered you speechless and he mistook your silence for anger so he started to grow frantic and was like “ linong said you liked this candy and i just happen to have them but if you don’t like it i can always get you something else-”

you had to spend a whole five minutes convincing him that you were really just shooked bc who knew the flirtatious troublemaker could be so considerate?

and because you were pretty rude too, you gave him a small note of apology and a packet of your favorite toffees from the muggle world

you swore you’ve never seen him smile brighter

after that things turned out for the better between you and yanjun

he didn’t flirt with you anymore and he was actually really nice and soft?? which you didn’t realize before bc you were too blinded by your prejudice

and you even started to like yanjun and the both of you would even hang out occasionally after classes

you even found out that both of you had similar interests, like a passion for trying out new sweets and reading poems

cue you and yanjun scaring the living hell out of everybody when yall consumed pepper imps that one time in the cafeteria

both of you are the power team at potions bc who knew polar opposites could get along so well

you became one of his closest friends and even got along relatively well with his buddies

but ofc how could you forget you best friend linong, who has been by your side and cheered you up since childhood

and because you and linong have known one another for almost your whole lives you were just naturally affectionate with each other

and it just so happened that Yanjun caught Linong and you being really close and his heart just shattered when Linong reached out to squish your cheeks while you grinned up at the taller boy

the next time you had Potions you notice Yanjun being abnormally quiet so ofc you prod at him to tell you why

“ its nothing, really.” he mumbled, busying himself with cutting the ingredients.

“ oh c’mon, yanjun. just tell me!” and after much cajoling from you he finally gives in

“ its just that,” he said slowly, avoiding eye contact, “ you never told me that you and linong were an item.”

you gape at him for like 3 seconds straight before letting out an uncharacteristic snort bc no Linong is like a brother to me and besides?? he ald has a Ravenclaw girlfriend

yanjun is half relieved and half flustered bc there goes his efforts on hiding his 3 year long crush on you that stemmed and only bloomed ever since he first saw you comforting a first year who got nearly got hexed

so he can only just stare at you as he lets the blush creep up his face until you added-

“ besides,” you said, getting your courage from nowhere, “ I like guys like you.”

later on linong would tell you how yanjun’s grin was the literal epitome of the sun and swore to you up and down that he has never witnessed someone’s eyes sparkle so bright

anyhow for that day onwards you both were officially a couple

you relationship= forehead pecks, cringey but appreciated pickup lines, debates on the best Bertie Bott’s Jellybeans flavor,warm cuddles and soft passionate kisses in the library

also you both constantly friendly battle one another on who gets the better score in potions and if any of you are lacking in a certain aspect you would help each other out

throughout your relationship you would find out more endearing things about one another, like how yanjun flirts mainly bc it makes him more confident and also gives him a certain sense of accomplishment and how you cannot really hate someone bc its just in your nature

which really makes you both love each other more

ever since you both started your relationship yanjun stopped flirting as a whole and although Moaning Myrtle would be a little upset she’s actually pretty glad bc she’s lowkey done with all his starry-eyed gaze whenever he looks at you for the duration where she might have stalked him

count on linong and yanjun’s gang to support your relationship from the sidelines

yanjun is there to speak up for you when you lack the courage to do so yourself and you’re always there to have his back when he starts to doubt himself

a couple that would fight for each other

couple goalsTM

#nine percent #lin yanjun #yanjun #nine percent scenarios #harry potter au #if only this happened to me irl but oh well #self written fictions for my soul #i love yanjun ugh

52 notes · View notes

buckisthatyou · 7 years

Text

A Little Too Late

Pairing : Bucky x Reader Modern AU

Word Count: 1736

Summary: you think by giving him his personal space might make you the best girlfriend but he might take it for granted

Warnings: angst, cheating

Masterlist

Author notes : THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THE FIRST FIC IM SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE WILLINGLY SPENT YOUR PRECIOUS TIME FOR A SIMPLE FIC OF MINE!! THAT MEANS ALOT TO ME THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU 🙌🙌❤️❤️❤️ so here is a new fic from me. sorry for bad grammatical error :') hope you guys enjoy it and please dont mind to give me feedback :)

You and Bucky have been together for so long. The relationship is great until he started to befriend with another girl. He always comes back home late night saying that he got work to do. While the truth is he spends time with the girl.You think it is the right thing to let him does what he wants. Besides, as a girlfriend you want to give him his own personal space.

But things get worse. You guys spend less and less time together. Him skipping dinner due to how late he comes back home. The lack of intimacy as he is rarely at home with you. Until one day you can’t take it anymore.

You are going to tell him about what you feel today or better you are going to show him what he missed for these past few weeks. As usual, Bucky get ready after shower to go out to God knows where with God knows who.

“Buck baby” you call to him.Your legs slowly approaching him, the love of your life. He hums acknowledging your call.

“Do you really have to go again tonight?” your hands snake around his broad chest from behind. Your head lays on his shoulder, taking a deep breathe of his aftershave smell.

“I have to. You know that, y/n” he moves both of your hands away from his body.

“You’re going to meet her, aren’t you?” you snap at him. “Buck, I am your girlfriend. Do you realize how you treat me these past few weeks? You neglect me. You are away to spend time with some other girl that is not me, your girlfriend. I don’t mind you to socialize. Hell, you can be friend with anyone on this earth but I want your attention. I want to spend time together as a couple and be happy like we used to.”

Hearing those words coming from your mouth cause anger to take over Bucky’s body. He yells at you.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Trying to control my life and everything. Just because you are my girlfriend that doesn’t give you any rights to fucking control me. You are not that special”

He pushes past you and stomps to the door. He slams the door before he is out. He leaves you and gets out from the house and all you can do is staring at the door. His words. Those things he says hurt you. "Am I really not that special to you Bucky?" you keep on saying that to yourself with tears streaming down your face.

After hours of crying, you start to calm down. You want to fix this. You have to fix this. Bucky means the world to you.There is no way your relationship will be over because of stupid fight over stupid girls. So,you wait for him that night but he doesn't come home nor he does for the few days. You try to call him but it goes straight to his voicemail. Hey you’ve reached Bucky Barnes. I’m sorry but i’m busy. Call me later. You miss his voice and God knows how worried you are about him. You two have fights before but he always comes back to you. No matter how many days it takes for him to have some space he will always comes back home.

You know there’s only one place he will go to when he is not in the mood, it is his office. So, you go to the place. Hoping he’s there and doing fine but to your surprise he is super fine, spending time -laughing with the girl who is comfortably sitting on his lap. The moment his lips meet her you feel like the part of you are dying. The way their lips moving together in such a perfect way makes you want to puke. You just can’t believe it. After all these years he just decided to just let it go away. You never know he could do this to you. With every strength left in your body you walk to him

“I figured we are over Buck.” You take out the ring he gave to you as a symbolic of being his world.

The look on his face is shocked but it changes to serious face and he just nods. Part of you want him to get up and chase you, crying and begging you to forgive him. Part of you want him to say sorry and this is just a mistake. Part of you just want him to say that he will work this out. But you know it is over because he does not even flinched or sorry when you caught him. There is no look of guilt on his face when you return the ring back to him. It is over. You know it is over. There’s no need to fight and save this relationship. It is hard but you will do it anyway. You need to let him go.

After a few weeks of the break up you realize that you’re pregnant with his baby. You know it is impossible to tell him that you’re carrying his baby but then all your friends ask you to tell him “At least he knows about the baby” they say. You meet him up and you are feeling scared and anxious. You miss him.

As soon as he arrives at the café, he still looks like the man you loved. The man who would hold your hand. The man who would hug you and protect you. He sits in front of you.

“What do you want now? I thought we are over?”

You could sense the annoyance in his voice.You heart breaks. He doesn’t sound like the man you knew for 5 years.

“I.. I’m pregnant Buck. It’s yours.”

“This is bullshit. Are you just making this shit up so we could still be together? Are you crazy? Me and my girlfriend are happy and we are expecting our first baby too. So please fuck off. Stop making shit up.” He gets up and leaves.

Furious written on his face. You see him leaving you. Again. He doesn’t even give you a chance to explain. You do not want to get back (actually you want too. you miss him and still love him). You just want to let him know that this baby is his and you want to keep it. You don’t expect him to say that you’re lying. You don’t understand why he acts like that ? what’s your fault ? Why he hates you ?

After a few years, you are coming back to pay some old friends a visit. They never mention his name though you know Bucky is still living in the city. The same city where you and him first met each other. The same city where you and him fell in love. Oh and the same city where you and him fall out of love too. There are too many memories and secrets of you that this city knows. Perhaps this sacred city knows the deepest secret of yours that you still couldn’t forget him. But then again how is that your fault? He is the father of your 5 year old son. On top of that, your son looks a lot like him. The smirk, the eyes, the lips, the brunette hair and the endless love for pancakes. Basically everything about your son reminds you of him. So someone please tell you again how could you forget a man named, James Buchanan Barnes.

That evening after you spend your day with your old friends you let your son play at the park. Somehow in the windy day the park is empty. But you don’t mind as it is pretty relaxing for you. You’re too busy reading to notice that there’s a man with your son. You run to them while hoping your son is fine and the man is not a creep. Though from afar it does look like everything is all right as your child is happily patting what you assume the stranger’s dog.

“James” you call your son.

Both of them turn to you and you swear to God that your heart stops when you realize who is the man the minute he lifts his head up.

“Mommy!” your son, James runs to you. “This puppy is so cute! You gotta see it” your son tells you enthusiastically.

You just nod and grab his small hand, “Yeah I bet it is but I think we should go home now. Playtime is over, baby. Come.”

Just before you could go, Bucky stops you. “y/n.. I need to talk to you for a few minutes."

You almost say no and walk away but his eyes are pleading and you give in. “Sure.” you say.

“He is a great kid though. You take a good care of him. I know you will be a great mother.“ Bucky starts the conversation while looking at your son who is too busy colouring the book you give him earlier while the dog is casually laying next to him.

Bucky’s eyes focus back to you. “y/n, I know I was wrong. I hurted you. I am sorry for that. I am sorry for being the man I promised to you that I will never be. I am sorry for leaving you, raising the great sweet James alone. I am sorry y/n”

He keeps telling you how sorry he is for leaving you but you just stay silent. You don’t know what to say. He also says that the girl is just using him for money. The baby isn’t his. Its belongs to other man.

“Me and her broke up a month after you left.” He takes your hands. ” (y/n), if you could…., if we could…“ Before Bucky could even finish his sentence somebody walks to you while holding your son and kiss you on the cheek,

“Missing me babe? I know I will find you here” The man smiles to you and Bucky before he casually introduces himself to Bucky,

“I’m Alex, the fiance of this beautiful woman”

You could see that Bucky’s face, it changes to disappointment, broken, sad? But nothing you could do about that. You have decided to start a new life the moment you know he is no longer yours to love.

#angst #cheating #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #sebastian stan #moonwrite

716 notes · View notes

kyunsies · 3 years

Note

MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3

#asks #💥 anon #WE ARE WRITING NOVELS HERE BABE LOL !!!!

0 notes

im-reddie · 7 years

Text

Not Me Without You: Chapter 2

summary: Today is Richie Tozier’s 16th birthday, he is assured today will be a good day by Eddie, but as he watches a speeding car heading straight for Eddie in the middle of the street, his thoughts on how his day would go quickly changed.

Pairings: Ben x Beverly, Stan x Bill, Richie x Eddie.

Warnings: Talk of suicide.

Chapter 1| Chapter 2

Once the candles flame was extinguished by Richies exhale, Mike pulled the candle out and threw it away from them. Beverly then shoved the cupcake in Richies face and then proceeded to smear the pastry all over his face, being sure to spread the icing as far as possible.

Richie backed up in shock while the whole group busted out in laughter, even Eddie who managed to let out a small chuckle. Richie laughed after realizing what happened and licked the icing around his mouth. The others laughed with each other while it looked like eddie was laughing alone. Richie went over to eddie with icing on his face and jokingly said “you want a lick?”

To this statement Eddie replied not with words but with actions. He scooped up a mix of cupcake and icing from the right side of Richies cheek and stuck his finger in his mouth.

“mmmmm” was all Eddie said.

RIchie wiped the cupcake off of his face with the napkin that came with it. After the little prank his group of friends pulled, they all undressed until they were in their underwear (bev in her underwear, bra, and shirt on). They all held hands when jumping into the water beneath them. Richie held Eddies, Eddie held Bens, Ben held Stans, Stan held Bill’s, Bill held Mikes, and Mike held Beverly’s.

They played a few games in the water like seeing who could hold their breath the longest and who could do a better handstand, marco pollo, chicken, and a few others.

They played until the sun went down and the sky beamed with hues of orange, pink, and purple. Their fingers and toes wrinkled up like grapes left out in the sun for too long.

Richie felt pure bliss that evening. When they got out of the water they wrapped themselves in towels and started a little fire to keep them warm. They dried off and then changed back into their regular clothes, hair still damp and smelling like lake water. Stand, Bill, Ben and Mike sat on the ground in front of the fire and Bev sat on a small flat rock, while Eddie and Richie sat on a larger rock together

“Im gonna go to the bathroom really quick, I’ll be back.” Eddie stated. The group said ok or nodded their heads in approval.

After Eddie left, Stan spoke.

“Are you happy with how today went Richie?”

When Richie looked at him, he saw stan leaning his back against bills shoulder while facing him. He had always been so close to Bill. He kind of wishes he and eddie were like that towards each other.

“Yeah, this has gotta be one of the best birthdays in a while.” Richie said.

“Well it was Eddies turn to decide what we would do for you this year.” Stan said. “He thought you would really enjoy just spending time with us today.” Richie gave a small frown, Eddie had given him one of the best birthdays ever and he couldn’t even enjoy it with him. Eddie arrived back shortly after the conversation had finished and sat next to Richie.

“Hey Eddie spaghetti, did you have fun?” Richie asked.

Eddie nodded his head and made an “mhm” sound.

“Eddie are you ok?” Stan asked. He had noticed that Eddie seeed off ever since him and Richie arrived at the quarry. Stan and Eddie always had an unusual bond. They could read each other really well and they always knew when the other was lying or needed help out of a situation.

Eddie looked up and around at his friends, they were all staring at him wondering what could have gone so wrong today that he wasn’t enjoying himself.

He put on a fake smile and tried to reassure his friends.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Everyone was still staring.

“My Mom was yelling at me this morning for no reason and it kind of bummed me out because she’s probably gonna be pissed that I stayed out this late.” He said. The rest of the group nodded with an “oh” expression and moved on except stan. Stan kept looking at him and gave him a “what’s really wrong” expression and Eddie gave him a “not now” look.

Richie, who was looking right at him, didn’t believe a word he said. He had almost watched him die today. It had made him teary eyed every time he thought about what his life would be like if his best friend died on his birthday. He would hate everyday that went by, especially his birthday and he would never forgive himself for putting his untied shoelaces before his best friends life.

Eddie noticed Richie staring at him with watery eyes and begun to worry. He understood why he was upset today but not richie.

*whispers* “Richie are you ok?” He whispered low enough that only Richie heard.

He wiped his eyes “yeah I just yawned, sorry”

Eddie scooted closer to the birthday boy while their friends were talking amongst themselves.

“Are you sure you’re ok? Is it because I’ve been kind of down all day? I’m really sorry Richie I didn’t mean to r-” Richie cut him off.

“No ed’s…you didn’t ruin…anything.” he said in a reassuring tone. “I’ve just been worried about you is all.”

Eddie felt a sense of guilt wash over him. He wanted today to be perfect for Richie and all he did was worry about Eddie.

“Don’t be…” He said with an undertone of resilience. “I’m fine, really Rich.”

The night went on and the group of friends went home one by one.

First was Stan. He went up to Eddie and gave him a hug while whispering “tell me later ok?” And Eddie nodded when they pulled away. Stan gave the rest of the group hugs so it wouldn’t seem off. Stan rarely touches anyone just because so when he did there was a reason. Everyone guessed it was because it was Richie’s birthday. Before he left Bill got up and offered to walk him home and stan smiled for the hundredth time that day.

After stan and Bill was Beverly.

“Welp. im gonna head out too you guys, Richie I hope you had an awesome birthday, I will see you all tomorrow.” Before she could leave, Ben got the courage from Bill to ask Beverly if he could walk her home. Her response of course was a smile and yes because she had secretly hoped that he would ask her. Mike was the last one to leave Eddie and Richie.

“Will you guys be okay by yourselves?” Richie looked up and nodded.

“Don’t worry about us Mikey. We’ll be fine.” Richie responded. MIke nodded and ruffled Richies hair.

“Happy birthday Rich, see ya tomorrow.” Eddie and Richie smiled and Mike’s action and watched him walk away.

The crackling fire in front of them substitutes the awkward silence between them. Both of them completely silent, staring at the small fire in front of them. Richie is the first one to speak.

“Talk to me Eddie.” Was all he said. He didn’t give Eddie much of an explanation as to what he wanted him to say but Eddie knew what he meant. He wanted Eddie to tell him what was on his mind all day. He wanted to know why there was an undertone of sadness in his voice all day in every word he said.

“I-…” Eddie had a hard time speaking to Richie about exactly what was going on in his head that day.

“I died…Richie.” Richie looks at the boy astonished. Eddie still has his sight set on the warm colored fire. Richie noticed Eddies eyes becoming glossier by the second. Reflecting the orange and red hues in front of them.

“Eddie you didn’t die…i pushed y-” He was interrupted by eddies small, cracked voice.

Eddie looked down and played with his fingers. “Not here …somewhere else.” Richie stared at the boy in wonder.

“In another universe Richie…I died. You didn’t push me. You tripped over your shoelace and watched that car take the life out of me…” Eddie finished and a tear had streamed down his face in the middle of his sentence. His bottom lip quivered and he struggled keeping himself together.

“There was so much stuff I wanted to do and tell you guys…I wanted to leave derry…I wanted to leave my mom and live…” Richie didn’t let Eddie finish, He couldn’t. It scared him to think that eddie actually thought he was dead all day.

The boy was speaking as if he was never going to be able to do these things. Like he was held back by the loss of himself in another universe. He wanted to calm his friend down and tell him that he was here next to Richie, no matter how dead he thought he was.

“Eddie…” Richie got up and kneeled down in front of the boy so they were staring right at each other. He placed his right hand on Eddies left leg as a form of comfort.

“All those things you wanted to do, you can do! You’re can tell us things, you can do things you still want to do. And you’re going to leave your mom and Derry even if I have to drag you out of this town with me. You’re ok right now and you’re going to be ok later.”

Eddie gave richie a weak smile and looked down at his fingers again.

He gave a small pout before looking Richie in the eyes again.

“Rich…I wasn’t planning on telling you or anyone else what i’m about to tell you for a very very long time. I didn’t even want to believe it but after today i realized it was the only thing that made sense to me.” Richie was getting nervous. He didn’t know what his friend could possibly be talking about and it scared him a little bit.

“Well should we wait until tomorrow for the-”

“No…I want to tell you first…” Richie kept his focus on the boy while Eddie was thinking about what to say next. “only because you’re my closest friend and you’ve become so much more than a friend to me today Richie.”

So….much more. Eddie thought.

“Richie…you saved me today.”

“Eddie don’t worry about it, it’s not a big deal.”

“No it really is. To me it is. You’re my hero Richie…”

Richie swore he felt his heart skip a beat. His best friend just told him he was his hero. That meant the world to Richie even though all he did was give a little smile to Eddie.

“That’s why I need to tell you this. I know we have been best friends for a long while RIchie but I honestly just realized this today.”

Richie waited anxiously for Eddie to finish his sentence. But it seemed Eddie was having a tough time getting it out. Richie thought he’d give Eddie a slight nudge.

“Realized what, Eddie?”

Eddies voice was shaky and he decided to look above the boy kneeling down in front of him, trying his best not to allow any tear to fall.

I can’t be weak He thought. Not now.

“I-….I like boys…the way i’m supposed to like girls…”

Eddie didn’t look down to look at Richie’s face. Instead he kept looking a little higher every time he felt an overwhelming sensation to cry. But despite his efforts, tears fell anyway. The first tear he shed fell right on Richie’s hand. Richie was used to feeling Eddies tears on his body. Sometimes they would fall on his shoulder, maybe his chest, but most of the time it was his hand that wiped his best friends tears away. “Liquid pain” as Richie thought of it.

Richie was so used to comforting eddie that this time seemed no different despite the information recently given. Richie had noticed that Eddie’s tears were warm this time. Sometimes when eddie cried in front of Richie it was because he had hurt himself by falling off of his bike or87uhy n falling off his roof trying to sneak out or even getting a really bad splinter. For that type of pain, Eddie’s tears were cold.

Cold tears and physical pain was easy for Richie to ease. He just did whatever health precaution eddie would have done on him and then told a joke or two to make the boy laugh, it wasn’t that hard.

It was the emotional pain, the warm tears that were a little harder to make go away. He would spend all night, if he had to, holding eddie and letting him cry on his shoulder or into his chest before he would say anything. Some nights, Eddie didn’t say anything. All he did was cry warm tears, warm tears that Richie soon grew accustomed to.

Richie brought his hand up to wipe the tear stream that would soon guide other tears in the same motion. Eddie was not surprised at the familiar gesture from Richie, instead he was comforted knowing Richie was his rock. He wouldn’t choose anyone else to wipe the tears from his eyes.

Eddie placed his hand on Richie’s arm while he wiped away his pain.

He brought his hand over Richie’s and they locked eyes and for a second both of them knew just how much they meant to each other.

Taglist: @asgardiantrash @stenbroughbros @istanstantheman @elesbianna @sten-bros @musicalfangirla113 @little-miss-hellraiser @1justnikkine1

#IT #IT 2019 #IT 2017 #IT fic #Reddie #stenbrough #Benverly #Angst #my writing #my fic #losers club #RIchies birthday #RIchie's birthday #reddie fic #stenbrough fic #Not me without you #my post #my posts

25 notes · View notes

belarath · 7 years

Text

so I've finally figured out how to vent on here again without falling into a panic spiral which is lovely : and I’m just going to spam myself here cause I really need to let something out : I’m dying, I'm just straight up dying in here : I’m so empty, in many ways : I’m wrecked physically, I couldn't walk up a hill 2 weeks ago without sitting down halfway though, and I don't mean a big hill I mean the side of a lightly inclined large road : I barely can make it to eat anymore, sitting up is a challenge, any you can forget any kind of maintenance : I got better yesterday only just so I could wash my hair enough that after washing it again today its not riddled with dandruff enough to clog up my comb anymore : I finally shaved which I like, but i’ve only been able to enjoy that at home. I step outside and its not good for how anxious I am. I had a fake lining of protective masculinity that I relied on to convince me I’m safe. I still felt uncomfortable going places especially at night but it wasn't to bad. now though I’m double as certain every person I see will shank me. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder which panics me cause every time I do that I'm certain that makes me look afraid which makes me a better target : though shaving has made me feel better physically : I hate my body so much, but shaving makes me feel a bit better which is a relief, the constant loathing of how I look is very very draining : you'd think that like after alllll this god damn time it'd get a little easier to live with such a retched self body image but its just so heavy feeling still : I worry : I’ve always been a very sad person : and like I acknowledge that Its probably not healthy how sad I am all the time but : I’ve been like this my entire life : I’ve never felt happy for longer than like, maybe more than a month or 2 straight : I’m so confident in how well I can endure the deathly long expanses of numbness and hyper draining lack of energy : the lack of passion for anything the tastelessness of food : the contentment to not move the endless wishing for god damn peace and quiet : I have that thing where you really just don't want to exist, I just don't want to have to live in this body and be this mind, I acknowledge I don't have a fear of death because I day dream about not being alive in the sense that being alive is very very very heavy : not all the time but,, so much of the time and that not needing to feel the desire to not want to feel heavy anymore is lovely : like I’ve lived like this for my entire memory and so just continuing to live has been my jam : I know that if I did die, my Mum would not cope, she’s die : I’ve watched her claw her way through things, I swear she doesn't know how hard she’s had it, and I cannot take any joy she's gleamed from this life she's sacrificed so much to reach by selfishly dying : death is out of the option until my Mum dies : and its likely that death will be out of the option until my close friends either drift away or die as, well, they’ve gone though too much, one specifically I worry about, and I think that dying would be rude to say the least : and again its just very selfish : one of the virtues of having been programmed to treat myself as lesser is that this instinct has prevent my death which is cool : it does make for some suffering though : but anyway i’ve drifted : I wasn't worried about myself and my sadness until this week : I think wednesday? I think I had a moment, I’m certain I had a moment where I fantasied about self harm, and the thing about this is that fantasising about it made me feel better, which really is the part I’m scared about : funny thing is though that I have a friend who did self harm but they used like a cutting tool and in my head I was like “ugh no thats just not the way to do it stabing is a way better idea!” : my friend told me about their experience and they said they knew it was dumb thing to do cause they had people they knew that did it but they still did it, I forget the reason why. but they regretted it and for some reason it made me thing that I’m way more reasonable because I learnt from them and decided that using like cork board pins seems like a way better idea XD : I didn't self harm because the pin I had on me I’m sure wasn't clean and I didn't have the energy or the free break to go get a clean one, and going through the rigamarole of sterilising and then trying to hide it was just,,, to much for my stamina to think possible. : luckily again another piece of programming “gifted” to me by good old paterna saved me from this moment of self harm as I believe everything has to be done by the book! not by like a real book but the book he taught me to make for myself. what a lovely instinct! to have half my brain assigned to making rules to punish and contain my self which is completely SELF SUFFICIENT : I’m being sarcastic btw : to the core of me tip to toe I hate it with a fucking passion : one of the few passions that I do have XD : but again I drifted though : the moment passed and I haven't wanted to self harm again since then which is good but I’m still unnerved : I’m so scared : I’ve been dying on the inside for a little bit now : I think i have anxiety, and i think I may have a little paranoia though I haven't googled it so I may not : but gosh its been put into perspective how self destructive I am : there was a post which listed a bunch of self destructive behaviours 28 in total, I had 21 of them and the other 7 involved sexuality which I don't have much of being mostly ace : I remember thinking “its a fairly good list” but it kinda highlighted somethings : it made me think : maybe dressing in wet clothes because you couldnt be bothered to keep your body clothed cleanly and then going out in cold windy weather even though you know you’re going to shiver and probably chafe a bit and then be super hungry cause your cold so you decide to eat out and berate yourself for spending or get home and eat and berate yourself for not making something better and getting fatter or not eating just cause who cares. MAYBE THATS SELF DESTRUCTIVE : or maybe staying at public dnd games which a bunch of people who unnerve you and sap you of energy for sometimes chunks of 3 to 5 hours because you “don't want to offend people” or “don't want to mess up anyones schedule” while also not eating or drinking enough MaYbE ThAtS SeLfDeStRuCtIvE Too : maybe its knowing you will get horrific migraines or want to throw up from lack of sleep and maybe that will spike your anxiety about being fired from your work because you can't shake the feeling everyone wants to fire you but you don't mention anything because you'd feel bad about leaving or something and because some of these people you actually like you'll degrade yourself more because they are worth it and you’re not MAYBE THATS FUCKING SELF DESTRUCTIVE : I WANT TO SCREAM BUT I DONT : I NEVER FUCKING HAVE AND IM DYING INSIDE : god I get so mad and I scream so loud in my head my head hurts : I’m so broken in so many intricate ways and I know I could feel so much better but, theres so much in the way! and most of its me thats in the way! I’m so close to not even just like help Im so close to comfort! I just want be held by people I like, I’m sure I could ask for like more hugs or to cuddle or to hold hands or for people to play with my hair or for just in general human contact of any kind but, theres so much social anxiety to even begin to ask something like that and that even if I were to get consent how the hell could i learn to initiate!? I”M SO FUCKING SCARED to like ask for physical contact from yet another trauma as a kid. If it weren't bad enough that I’m hyper petrified about getting consent for any kind of physical contact but I also believe that if i were to touch people it would be automatically labeled as predatory because I’m male. I’m starting to think maybe sexual trauma as a kid has had a bigger effect on my psyche than I think? which in all honesty is just, its just exhausting to hold in my head that idea.

#I'm just venting here #pls feel free to not read if y'all uncomfortable pls don't #tw #abuse #probably i don't know how tw tags work #me #unpleasant content #ill feel better soon don't worry #i just desperately needed somewhere to vent #v badly

2 notes · View notes

onkeywritings · 7 years

Note

Onkey pls. One of them wanting a night in, but the other wants to party. Somehow along the way please involve stars, ramyun, and coffee. Random items to get you thinking~

this is really cute uwu im sorry it turned more depressive than loving~

Bad Headspaces

“Can we please just… stay at home?” Kibum asks in a small voice. Jinki eyes him suspiciously before he sighs.

“But I wanted to go out to celebrate,” he says and Kibum curls in on himself in the couch.

It’s not that Kibum doesn’t like partying, it’s just that today feels more like a day in. If Kibum is to be completely honest, it may also have to do with his social anxiety and how he just can’t deal with people right now. He feels suffocated in the presence of the SHINee members and if four of his closest friends are too much to handle right now, then a club full of strangers will undoubtedly send him into a panic attack at best.

He just doesn’t want to admit that he’s having a bad headspace day. He feels so guilty every time he has one of these days, every time he prevents the other four members from doing what they want to do because they decide to take care of him instead.

He closes his eyes and buries his head in his knees, unable to see Jinki’s frown turn worried and exhales deeply.

“You can go,” Kibum says in a whisper and feels the couch dip beside him and a hand on his back, rubbing soothingly along his spine.

“Are you okay?” Jinki asks and Kibum nods, head still buried in his knees. Jinki’s hand stills on his back for a moment before it starts moving again.

Kibum bites his lower lip and tries to force himself to show a more upbeat facade. He doesn’t want to go to the club but he can always send Jinki away, can always tell him to have fun with other friends.

“Yeah, just … not feeling the club today.”

Jinki doesn’t believe him. It shows in his eyes when Kibum looks up to get eye contact with him.

“Bad headspace?” Jinki asks bluntly and Kibum whimpers and buries his face back in his knees.

There are many things he shows to the public, confidence, trust, colours and independence, but behind closed doors, Kibum is mostly just alone. Loneliness and anxiety has been clouding his life for far too many years but he’s too afraid to really do something to change it.

He knows people worry about him; Jonghyun has suggested therapy more than once, Minho tried to convince him to go to the hospital and Taemin tried to trick him into one but none of it works because Kibum is not stupid.

Somewhere above the rainbow is the faint promise of no more anxiety but by now he has grown so accustomed to his life that he can’t imagine not having these periods of anxious loneliness.

Kibum is brought back to the darkness of the living room by Jinki’s humming. He hasn’t confirmed his bad headspace but Jinki doesn’t need the confirmation, not really. His reactions are enough to prove that he is indeed in a bad headspace.

They sit in silence for Kibum doesn’t know how long. His back is starting to ache in his odd position and he somehow wishes he could get up, leave the living room and hide under his blankets and forget about the world, about Jinki and SHINee and about himself.

With Jinki there besides him, however, he’s too scared to leave. It feels like it’s a disappointment if he is to get up and leave, like someone will judge him for being unable to stay with one person as well. His anxiety is silently telling him how incompetent he is and Kibum would do anything to just shut it out, but he knows that there is no way to do that.

Instead he sighs and lifts his head from his knees. The moon is shining in through the open window and Jinki is still sitting beside him, hand caressing his back in a soothing way.

As he turns his head and gets eye contact with Jinki, Jinki sends him a small smile.

“Do you want me to find a blanket?” Jinki asks and Kibum nods a little, movement restricted by the way his cheek is resting on his knee cap.

When Jinki gets up from the couch, the room turns completely silent. Kibum can almost hear his own heartbeat and it’s a bad thing. He doesn’t want any sound to obscure the silence because the silence is safer than the sounds.

The weight of the blanket falling on his back has him groaning a little and Jinki hums a small sound before he leaves the living room. In the minutes Jinki is away, Kibum hurries to reposition himself.

He drags the blanket around his shoulders, leans against the back rest and pulls his knees against his chest. It’s very like his former position, but better for his back with the support from the couch and it feels safer with the blanket. He doesn’t need to be hunched over when he has the blanket.

Jinki returns a couple of minutes later with two cups of something steaming hot. Kibum’s first guess is hot chocolate but when he’s handed the cup the liquid is too black to be hot chocolate and the scent of coffee is too strong for it to be anything else.

He warms his hands on the cup, the warmth more needed than the actual caffeine but he appreciates that Jinki has taken the time to make him coffee nonetheless.

They sit in silence while Kibum soaks up the warmth and slowly accepts that tonight he is in a bad headspace but he’s not alone. The moon dips behind a few clouds and the living room darkens for a moment. Kibum is too focused on his coffee to notice that Jinki turns around to look at him with worried eyes.

“When did you last eat?” he asks and Kibum almost drops his cup of coffee at the sound of the words spoken out loud. The silence has become such a welcome companion that Kibum had almost forgotten Jinki was even there. Jinki just takes Kibum’s cup from him and puts it on the coffee table in front of them, making sure that more words won’t cause Kibum to actually drop the cup of now lukewarm liquid.

Kibum tries to think of when he last ate but he wasn’t eating lunch because everybody was at home during lunch and he couldn’t deal with the loud voices and the presence of people at that time. He didn’t have breakfast either because he was too anxious in the morning to eat when he realised he was in a bad headspace today and he obviously hasn’t eaten dinner either, not with how he has lost appetite throughout the day.

The only reasonable answer is that he ate some time yesterday, Kibum isn’t even sure what meal he did eat yesterday, but he decides yesterday is the better answer.

“Yesterday,” he whispers and keeps his voice quiet. It doesn’t matter much, though, because Jinki’s stomach growls a little with a sound far louder than Kibum’s voice and Kibum covers a little and sinks against the couch. Jinki concludes today must be really bad.

“Do you want me to cook ramyun?” Jinki asks and Kibum shrugs a little under his blanket. He doesn’t care. He’s not hungry. He never is when he’s in a bad headspace. Food just matters less.

Jinki’s stomach growls again before he gets up from the couch again. Kibum can hear him in the kitchen, can hear the electric kettle boil the water and the ripping of paper when Jinki uncovers the ramyun-bowl.

The scent of food spreads across the apartment 10 minutes later and Kibum’s stomach twists in disgust. He’s not hungry. The scent becomes stronger when Jinki takes the food with him to the living room.

There’s only one bowl of ramyun like he already knows that Kibum won’t be able to eat a full bowl. Jinki slurps while he eats and Kibum sinks further into the couch, this time more relaxed. The sound of Jinki eating is comfortable and familiar.

“You should eat something,” Jinki says after a while and grabs a noodle with his chopsticks before he points it in the general direction of Kibum. Kibum doesn’t want to uncover from his blankets, however, so instead he leans forward, grabs the noodle and eats it.

Eating again after a day of no food makes his stomach twist uncomfortably in a desire to eat more and not being big enough to support the amount of food it really wants and Kibum tries to suppress the small smile on his lips.

If he’s honest, he’s happy Jinki is here. A bad headspace is difficult enough to deal with but had he been left alone he would have been the victim of his own mind, self-hatred would have clouded every breath he took and he wouldn’t have been eating. With Jinki here, it’s like it becomes just a little easier to breathe, the self-hatred is a little less.

Jinki continues to eat his ramyun while he feeds Kibum a noodle or two every 30 seconds or so. Kibum eats what he’s given but not more than that but little is better than nothing.

When the bowl is finally empty, the clock strikes midnight. Somewhere throughout Seoul, young people are partying away, mingling with strangers and enjoying their life like tonight is their last and Kibum knows that he could have been a part of that.

Except tonight this is far better for him, cold coffee and strings of noodles from ramyun means more to him than strangers in a night club ever will, even if it’s as mundane as things can be.

As time ticks by, the moon shows itself from behind the clouds again and the light streams into the living room. Kibum doesn’t know what time it is when he stands from the couch and stretches his legs from their awkward bended position as he walks towards the window. He can hear Jinki following him but he doesn’t care.

He’s staring at the moon. The moon that is usually Jonghyun’s comfort brings a comfort with it, a reminder that even though the world scares him there are people out there that he can trust.

Jinki’s arm breaks his view when the other man points towards a star constellation.

“Look,” he says. “It’s Cassiopeia!”

Kibum follows his line of sight and connects the 5 stars that make up the constellation.

“I don’t know what it means,” Jinki admits. “But it’s the only constellation I can identify.”

It has Kibum snorting a little and Jinki turns around with a big smile. Kibum quickly looks towards the sky again, watches the stars blink at them.

Kibum hates his life when it’s filled with anxiety and loneliness, but somehow, the man beside him understands him just like the rest of them. But unlike Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin, Jinki just accepts without trying to heal. It may mean nothing to Jinki, but to Kibum it means the world.

Tonight is not perfect, tonight is not what it should have been, but given the circumstances, Kibum is positive tonight could have been much worse had it not been for Jinki.

#onkey #mine #fic #prompt #anon #onew #key #shinee #lee jinki #kim kibum #anxiety #sociophobia #social anxiety #angst #fluff #platonic probably

8 notes · View notes

swearronchanel · 8 years

Text

6.08, my last commentary™ R I P to me

I wanted to post this right away but my phone died and I broke my charger so I had to handle that but now I’m finally able to. I’m literally dead, I STILL can not process how amazing it was. So I’ll just get on with it post my earlier thoughts

¡¡TODAY IS THE DAY AHH!! IM FREAKING LATE KILL ME

BUT HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE? IM NOT READY FOR THIS SERIES TO END BUT I NEED TO SEE SHELGAH *SAFELY* GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY. ANYWAY IM LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AFTER THIS EPISODE SO ENJOY THE FINAL THOUGHTS OF MY LIFE, LETS GET IT ..

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE ITS BEATING SO FAST

TBH I MIGHT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

SCREW THESE CREDITS BUT I NEED THEM BC IM NOT READY OMG

IM SCREAMING

aw baby! & hey val

Does this mean Delia had No letters from pats this whole time??

MY BBY SHELAGH OMG HER BELLY

SHE CANT REACH HER SHOE OMG SO PRECIOUS THOUGH

Sister MJ I love u 😭😂

Family planning clinic!

YES VAL! they’re women not criminals !!

YES TRIXIE THANKS BBY FOR SPEAKING UP

aww poor Barbara

“..There are tales of missionaries served for luncheon in those climes” LMAO OMG SISTER MJ THATS NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS TO HEAR RIGHT NOW

It’s so sweet that Babs really wants her dad, I feel. My grandfather officiated my parents’ and brother’s wedding, I hope he does mine. If someone wants to marry me one day ofc lol 😂😭

SHELAGH IS ACTUALLY YELLING .. WHY DO I LOVE IT?

All the shit she’s been through/delt with and pregnancy sets her off huh..

BUT TRIXE AND SHEALGH INTERACTING YESS NOT THE WAY I WANTED BUT ILL TAKE IT FOR NOW

AWW MY BBY CRYING SOMEONE HUG HER 😭😭💕💕

MY BBY TRIXIE IS SMIRKING AT MY OTHER BBY LOL STOP 😭😭💔

“Hot and bothered” 😭😂 Violet having hot flashes. That’s not funny but i giggled I’m sorry immature of me

I can’t imagine being around when the pill was just coming out(or antibiotics even) like that must have been so wild ? you really would think they were magic *remember Vanessa Redgrave saying that in series 2?*

my mom is a nurse at a gyn/fertility office and she informed me of so much at a young age lol maybe that’s why I’m so curious idk?

lol I remember being like 13 and my friends didn’t know there was more than just the pill when it came to birth control and I really felt I was an expert😂 but *a judge’s voice* irrelevance moving on.

Needing your husbands permisson for a bank account? *sucks teeth* Vete ya!

Aw my bby shelagh 💔💔😭

“And I’ll warrant you’ve never felt more scared” I AM! AND THIS ISNT EVEN MY FICTIONAL PREGNANCY

“Oh lass“😭 PHYLLIS COMFORTING HER OMG I AM CRYING ALREADY, I NEVER KNEW I WANTED THIS

"Phyllis you’ve been a real friend” IM NOT OKAY OMG, THEY’VE COME SO FAR I CRY

OMG SHELAGH BEING SO CUTE WTF OMGGG 💖

PROTECT MY BBY & HER BABY AT ALL COSTS 💕💕

THE NONNATUNs CHEERING SO PURE 😭

“What if something goes wrong?” stop tempting fate Patrick !!

“I’ve made up my mind” MY BBY I CANT DEAL .. once upon a time she couldn’t speak up and was so timid 😭 my bby has grown

Her lipstick is a nice color, wait what’s this lady’s name?

The nurses all together makes me so happy omg why is this so adorable, even Phyllis is there !! SO PURE💕

Lol poor Fred tries his best !

Damn secondment to st Cuthberts, I guess Trixie couldn’t even be considered for to be Shelagh’s midwife

SHELAGH IN THE CARDIGAN >>

OF COURSE SHE CHOSE SISTER JULIENNE WE WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED IT ANY OTHER WAY

“‘MY DEAR” BRB DROWNING IN TEARS

but omg was Phyllis disappointed 😭 no don’t be hurt that’s her basically her mother! (sister j and Phyllis would’ve been a good tag team though)

this montage just reminds me brb #irresponsibleme

Future Hereward’s take a note from the Turners, find out about each other sooner rather than later

LOL TOM’S AWKWARD FACE BC BABS IS GETTING CONTRACEPTION

it’s Wilma! her name is Wilma, noted.

Lol what does she sell? Is the company like Avon ? 😂I’m confused but also screaming too much internally

poor Babs is so nervous and feeling awkward 😂

Her face while on the bed😂 I feel

LMAO BABS TAKING OUT THE DIAPHRAGM & DROPPING IT HA

BUT WAIT THAT WAS THE TURNERS BATHROOM WTF ??

Patrick putting on or tying Shelagh’s shoes my fucking heart is melting

She doesn’t want him there .. for now?

“..We’re a team” 😭😭💕💕 marriage goals

“The minute I look at you I’ll give you everything you ask for” BRB I AM INDEED GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

I CAN NOT DEAL

Phyllis exercising 😭😂

“I have chosen one of my friends” OMG MY HEART

PHYLLIS BE MY BRIDESMAID !??

why does she only have one though? is it more like a maid of honor?

HERES COME MORE TEARS

THE SPANISH AYE DIOS MI CORAZON

Aw good for Wilma being happy with her job! Does everyone call the sofa the settee?

There’s that babycham! Still was never sure if it was alcoholic or nah? sparkling cider maybe?

OMG I HAVE A BOTTLE IN MY BAG THAT I BROUGHT FROM FLORIDA

new drinking came, shots every time the show makes you cry lol jk i’d be on the floor 20 mins in

that sports car aye

My bby looking good 😍😍

she knows what it’s like to be hurt Christopher😭

You’re not supposed to take 3 at a time Wilma, I’ve been scolded enough

Okay so Babs just fell asleep and that’s all?? Preview made it seem more dramatic

Now is Val going to listen and not touch anything? lol probably

Violet always rocking blue eyeshadow haha

Is that a silicone faja?? that looks hella uncomfortable

TRIXIE’S FACE OF DISGUST HAHA

OMG THE FAM HELPING OUT WITH FUNDS MY HEART

I WANT TO BE APART OF THE NONNATUS FAMILY!

PHYLLIS AND BABS DRESS SHOPPING I LOVE THIS

“.. she’ll have me to reckon with” TE QUERIO MUCHO PHYLLIS

I NEED A PHYLLIS IN MY LIFE

SHE HAS A FAV DRESS OMG I LOVE HER

HER FACE OMG I NEED THAT SCREENSHOTTED

SHELAGH MY BBY😭😭

Their new bedroom is so 60s I love it

She still didn’t read the pamphlet !! I love her omg, such pure intentions

OMG SISTER J REMINISCING, AH FINALLY SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE WAS A NUN, I AM SOBBING BYEE IM DYING. MY HEART RATE IS SLOWING DOWN

POOR DEELS AW OMG she doesn’t deserve this, she barely has screen time don’t hurt her

Shealgh’s got another nightgown! 1962/2017 is apparently the year of nighties #thebrinylonforthewinthough

I love pink waffers 😭😂

SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH WILMA IM SCARED, IS IT A HEART ATTACK?? BLOOD CLOT??

poor vi!! aww she misses reggie too!

AW FRED HUG HER

and he’s fanning her omg so pure

SHEALGH’S GOING IN TO LABOR ?? AHHHHH OMGG IM NOT READY

but also she has a housecoat how cute

SISTER J SAID “HIS SPINE” OMG HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALREADY

“I knew it” bless u bby😭😭 she is a GEM. WHY IS SHE SO LOVABLE?

omg Wilma don’t die, Trixie can u save her 😭

shit not looking good, maybe this was the death they meant

shelagh throwing up yikes

“She’s smiling and waving” yea we know that smiling and waving😂😂 but omg doesn’t this remind anyone of when you’ve been partying too hard but you’re trying to convince your friends that you’re not ready to tap out yet😂😭

if not nevermind I’ll feel trashy lmaoo

PASS THAT GAS AND AIR SISTER J

AW BBY YOU ARE BRAVE!!!!!!!

IM CRYING BUT RUNNING OUT OF TEARS

HOW TF DOES LAURA LOOK GORGEOUS ALL SWEATY AND IN TEARS WHILE PRETENDING TO BE IN LABOR?? & i’m still a creature?

Poor Patrick! He must be going as crazy as I am!

I DONT HAVE ASTHMA BUT I NEED AN INHALER BC I CANT BREATHE IM SO ANXIOUS OMG

IM NOT A SMOKER BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED A CIGG BC IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT

Trixie is doing Wilma’s makeup omg I can’t take this 😭💔💔

“I can’t believe I used to dream of this” OMG SHELAGH & SISTER J

“Every woman alive is the sum of all she ever did, and felt, and was.” ..“and how do you know that?” ..“ i wasn’t aware that I did until just now”

¡¡¡IM A W R E C K!!! l o v e that

SHE IS SINGING DORIS DAY’s SECRET LOVE AND I AM F*CKING DEAD GOODBYE

PATRICK SINGING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR SOMEONE SEND H E L P IM DYING I BET IT’S “THEIR SONG” & YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED TO MY FUNERAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS EPISODE

I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT

“We can’t just be like any other couple.. because we’re us”

MY HEART WTF I SWEAR IT IS ABOUT TO BURST BUT IT’S NOT BEATING

IM DEAD INSIDE AND MY BODY WILL FOLLOW WHEN THIS IS OVER

Get in there Patrick!

“The children are here” .. to say goodnight omg no😢

OMG PATRICK HOLDING HER I AM FUCKING SCREAMING

“YOU CLEVER GIRL” OMGG WHO CALLED IT

I CANT SEE WHATS HAPPENING TOO MANY TEARS IN MY EYES

IT’S A BOY I KNEW IT WELL I HAD A FEELING !

BABYTURNERLAND 2.0!!!! QUE LINDO DIOS TE BENDIGA 💖👼🏼

WHAT IS HIS NAME???

THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF MY LIFE WOW I CANT PROCESS IT ALL

“May the lord bless you and keep you” OMGGG, JESUS HEIDI WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME ??!! I’ve never been so invested in a show or fictional characters’ lives like this 😭😭

I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE THIS DAY AND IM HAVING SO MANY FEELS, I BARELY HAVE ANY THOUGHTS I AM S h o o k, I AM NOTHING IN THIS WORLD. JUST USELESS TRASH FOR CTM

WELL, ALMOST 19 YEARS OF LIVING WAS GOOD ENOUGH RIGHT?

HONESTLY JUST PUT ME IN THE GARBAGE BC I HAVE NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE TO SAY IM JUST GUSHING AND DYING

BUT SERIOUSLY LAURA MAIN IS I N C R E D I B L E AND DESERVES EVERY AWARD SO PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER @ THE EMMYS, THE SAGS, THE GOLDEN GLOBES & ALL OTHER AWARDS OF ALL PRESTIGE!! STOP PLAYING GAMES & GIVE LAURA + CTM THE RECOGNITION IT DESERVES !! & no excuses it happened for downton!

NO WILMA IS DEAD NO

The pill is so great and useful and miraculous in a way but I’m glad they showed some of its issues but DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO KILL THE FIRST WOMEN THEY GAVE IT TO? I’m still here tho, I’m rolling

NO TOM DONT SAY THaT WTF? TRIXIE IS OVER U AND U ARE OVER HER don’t ruin the moment

why did I think bab’s dad was the rev Applebee Thornton 😭😂😂😂?? where’s Jane lol

My bby trixie serving looks as always 😍😍

Aw his daughter is cute

CHRISTOPHER LOOKS GOOD TOO UGH😍

What are knickerbocker glories?

lol Boots! lowkey want to go there to satisfy my 15 year old self who liked to watch British youtubers affordable makeup videos (tbh I still do when I’m bored)

REGGIE! OMG HE CALLED VI MUM I DIE

OH YEA THE WEDDING OMG LOL I DONT FORGOT FOR A SEC

IM STILL SCREAMING, MY FREAKING BBY JUST HAD A MIRACLE BABY !!!!! I LEGIT RAN OUT OF TEARS WHAT DO I DO

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME MY GOD

THE GIRLS SINGING “HAPPY WEDDING DAY” TO BABS OMG THAT WAS GREAT, I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT

I NEED TO WATCH THIS AGAIN AND IT DIDNT FINISH YET

LMAO TOM AND FRED HUNGOVER, relatable AF😂😭

SO IS TOM’S SURPRISE IS MONEY? Or is he going to buy her something!?

Barbara’s cape reminds me of Phoebe’s from FRIENDS

The stain glass !! love it

PHYLLIS LOOKS SO ADORABLE OMG HER BOUCLE SUIT AW

WHY A HEADBAND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY BABs? BUT good for them lol 😭 I don’t care enough at the moment but let them be happy they’re so great for each other !

HE GOT A FUCKING CAROUSEL OMG

damn. Nice one Tom. I’m a little jealous, someone needs to love me like that.😭

“At times, the present seems most perfect when it seeds lie in the past. And others, life is rendered flawless when we look towards future, glimpsing from within one golden moment all the joys the days to come might hold” 💕😢😭

THE TURNERS, NOW A FAMILY OF 5 OMGGGGGGG 😭😭

THE NUNS SO PURE ❣️ lol obviously

“We can not stand still because the world keeps turning. Every year must give way to the next and it’s stories must be folded, tucked away like children’s clothes outgrown, cherished and never quite forgotten”

VANNESSA ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS UGH

Aw Angela with Tim!

My BBY SHELAGH IN HER BLUE OUTFIT WITH UNNAMED BABY TURNER ID CRY IF I COULD

“1962 was a year of great change at Nonnatus House, but there’s always change, everywhere, there are always new faces, new tears to shed, new joys to invest in , yet the circle of love is not broken, it expands.” YOU GOT THAT RIGHT🙏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻😭😭😢😢💖💖

I NEED THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL LIKE TOMORROW PLEASE

lol Val screaming it’s snowing 😭 same

PATSY!!!

SHE AND DELIA KISSED OMG

GOOD FOR THEM 😭

ALSO GOOD FOR ME bc I was tired of the same complaints that BBC broke them apart and Patsy was “sent away” nah man Emerald was busy!

“Love bares all things, love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and love never ends”

THIS WAS INCREDIBLE WOW IM A MESS

IF I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE COMMISSONED FOR 3 MORE SERIES I’D THINK THIS WAS THE END??

BUT UGH NOW WE MUST WAIT

ANYWAY I SEE THE LIGHT FOLKS

IDK IF THIS IS HELL OR HEAVEN BUT I AM DEAD, I SEE THE EARTH BEHIND ME

TBH ITS PROB HELL

Someone throw me in the damn ground already!!

In loving memory of Gabby Nuñez (1998-2017) taken far too soon because of the emotional toll brought by call the midwife, she didn’t choose to get so emotionally invested it just happened. She is grateful for her time on earth, you may leave comments, flowers or send money. Thank you for putting up with her nonsense and foolishness *now someone give my eulogy & someone else may come up and sing a hymn to conclude*

#call the midwife #I am certified TRASH FOR THIS SHOW #IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL #MY GRINCH HEART GREW BEFORE IT DIED #lets get it 1962 #MY BBY HAD A BABY #ILL NEVER BE OVER IT #masterpost #my commentaries™

50 notes · View notes