#i also think the people who think he’s untouchable are. nuts.

[larsnicklas]

another funny thing about m.arner discourse is that one side thinks everyone hates him because they themselves feel that way (false) and the other side thinks that only weird old men hate him and everyone else thinks he’s a darling bc he’s their precious hockey blorbo (also false) and it’s just me eating popcorn as these two sides duke it out on my twt timeline

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Words: 5,355

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Reader pronouns: she/her

Era: the Whisperers

Warnings: language, blood and gore, injury, typical TWD violence

Summary: Hilltop must cope with the disastrous events outside the walls and Michonne asks Daryl to try and find the mystery woman who saved him and Dog to find out what she knows about the people she calls 'The Shepherds'.

A/N: This is the second part of a series! Find the first part linked below!

Previous Part

“Daryl!” Tara was running up to him and quickly grabbed him into a hug before he’d hardly passed through the gate. The hug was tight and long and Daryl pulled back abruptly to look at her with a question on his face. “We thought you were dead,” she said grimly. It was then that he noticed how pale she looked and that there were dark circles beneath her eyes.

He gulped. “The others. Did they make it back?”

Tara was about to answer when Carol was there also throwing her arms around him, her expression equally grim. When she pulled back, her pale blue eyes were teary. “Did she tell you?” Carol asked. Tara ducked her head.

Daryl’s stomach clenched into a tight knot. “Tell me what?”

“It’s Jesus,” Tara barely managed. “He was killed out there.”

Daryl’s heart dropped into his gut. “Walkers?”

Tara shook her head. “No. Something else.”

Daryl’s hand strayed over to the side of his vest and he felt the bulk of the skin mask there. He withdrew it and held it up, his nose wrinkled in disgust. “One of these fuckers?” he asked, throwing it down on the ground. Dog nosed and pawed at it before bristling.

Tara and Carol stared down at it for a long moment until Tara nodded. “Yeah. One of those, .”

“Yeah, I had my own damn run-in with ‘em. Almost took me and Dog out.” Daryl caught sight of movement over her shoulder and looked up as Michonne stepped out with several strangers at her side.

“You better come in and tell us what happened,” Tara said.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Daryl was seated on the edge of his chair. Carol had thrust a big glass of water into his hand and set a tray of food down in front of him. It sat untouched, except for the egg that Daryl had fed to dog.

“Next thing I know, a damn rope ladder dropped down out of the tree. And I didn’t have much choice,” Daryl drawled, turning the glass absently in his hands.

“A ladder?” Aaron asked, incredulous. Daryl nodded.

“Mhm. S’gonna sound nuts but—there was this—this woman. She had platforms built up in this huge oak. I didn’t see anythin’ except the lowest one which was empty, but I think she was livin’ up there. She saved me and Dog by droppin’ that damn ladder down and shootin’ all those walkers and skin freaks besides….”

“You’re telling us a woman living in a tree saved you?” Carol said.

“I said I knew it sounded nuts,” Daryl drawled, sitting heavily back in his chair. “Ain’t even the half of it. I watched her climb up a damn tree branch like it was a set of stairs. No hand or foot-holds, nothin’. She sheltered us there overnight during the storm and then in the mornin’, she came down and gave me food and a thermos full of hot tea,” he said, casting a glance around to read all the perplexed faces.

Michonne’s gaze was intense on his face. “Did she try to question you? About where you came from? About the settlements, our group?”

Daryl shook his head. “No. And she wouldn’t even tell me her name… But she guessed that I had people. And—” he hesitated, thinking about whether or not he should convey that he thought you’d been watching the area and certainly had seen him, but likely others from Hilltop as well. But Carol made the decision for him.

“Wait—your knife,” she said suddenly, the realization striking her. “Was this the same area?”

“What about your knife?” Tara asked, confused. Michonne only seemed more rigid, on edge.

Daryl quickly relayed what had happened in the previous days, about losing his knife and then finding it when he returned to look for it, hanging up and presented for the person who had dropped it. “The arrow it was hanging up on was identical to the ones she used to kill the walkers and the people wearin’ those masks. It had to be her. It wasn’t exactly the same place where I lost my knife but the distance ain’t far.”

“So, she’s been watching the whole area,” Michonne said. “You’re sure she didn’t ask you anything about—”

“No,” Daryl interrupted. “In fact, she seemed pissed off ‘bout the whole thing. Told me off for endin’ up at ‘her tree,’ like I’d had a fuckin’ choice. Said she was gonna have to move. She seemed—I think she knew more ‘bout these Whisperers than she said. She called them ‘The Shepherds’ and told me they walk with the dead. She said they can control them somehow. I tried to ask her more about ‘em but she would hardly talk.”

“How do we know she isn’t one of them?” Michonne said.

Daryl shook his head. “Why would she risk revealin’ herself to me and kill all those walkers and Skin freaks if she was one of them? That dun make any damn sense. No,” he shook his head. “No, she wasn’t with them. If she was, I’d be dead.”

Michonne’s face was stony. “I think we need to find her, question her. If she knows more, she needs to tell us.”

Daryl’s brow furrowed. “And what if she won’t? We gonna make her?” He looked around at the other stony faces in the room. “My gut says she ain’t the enemy here,” he said emphatically. “She just wanted to be left alone.”

“So do we. But if there’s a threat, it’s better that we know everything we can about it. Jesus is dead. We need to know before someone else dies.” Daryl sighed and his eyes closed for a moment, a grimace passing his face as he thought about Jesus. “’M sorry I wasn’t there with ya’ll,” he gulped in a failed attempt to clear the lump in his throat. “Maybe if I was, if I had been then—”

“We all know the risks of going outside the walls,” Aaron interrupted. “Jesus knew them too. And he made his own decisions like the rest of us. He died making sure the rest of us got away.”

There was a heavy silence for a long moment.

“Look, I can probably get us back to the area Dog and I were at. We can try to talk to her if, and tha’s a big if, we can find her,” Daryl said. “But I ain’t gonna be in on any kinda plan to hurt her in order to make her talk to us. Not after she saved me and Dog. She didn’t have to, and for some damn reason she did. I ain’t repayin’ her for that with anythin’ but askin’ nicely.”

Michonne sighed and straightened up. “Fine. It’s a start.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

Michonne and Daryl were on edge as they moved through the forest, constantly stopping to listen, straining their hearing, checking behind them. Jesus’ death sat heavy on Daryl’s chest like a concrete block, making moving and even breathing harder than normal. It was a tremendous loss and Hilltop was reeling from it. Tara would do what she could to step up in his place, but there was no replacing him.

Finally, Daryl picked up some tracks that were clearly from part of the large herd that had trapped him and Dog, and not long after they began following them he thought the area looked familiar. His eyes searched the trees. He remembered the silhouette of the large trunk of the oak as the lightning had flashed and tried to hold it in his mind’s eye as he tracked, checking every large tree against this mental image. They never would have found it if it weren’t for the walker tracks…

“This is it,” he said suddenly, putting his hand out to touch the tree and revolving in place. “Yeah. This is the one but—” Something on the ground nearby caught his eyes and he paced over to it as Dog pawed at the corner; a large sheet of plywood. It was far too clean to have been laying on the ground for long and Daryl knew what it meant. You had moved.

Michonne stood beside him, looking down at the find. Daryl stood again and shook his head. “She’s gone,” he asserted.

Michonne glanced up at the canopy overhead. “We have to be sure. Boost me up,” she said, approaching the trunk again.

Daryl joined her and boosted her over his head. She struggled to find a hold for a moment and then her weight left his shoulders. She climbed higher until Daryl could no longer see her among the leaves and branches. “Anythin’?” he called up, as loudly as he dared.

“There are some—some supports left but… nothing else,” she called down. Eventually, her feet reemerged and then she dropped down lightly to the ground.

“She wasn’t kiddin’,” Daryl drawled. “Said she was gonna have to move,” he said.

Michonne hummed an acknowledgement but was distracted, scrutinizing the ground. “You said she had at least a couple levels up there?”

“Mhm,” Daryl hummed, glancing back up toward the tree. “I only ever saw the first one, but she climbed higher up.”

“Maybe you can find her tracks again. She would have been moving all her things, maybe multiple trips,” she said hopefully.

Daryl ran a hand back through his hair thoughtfully. “Yeah, maybe… I can try, but with all the rain we had overnight, just one set of tracks might’ve already been washed out. Only reason we even got here was followin’ the trampled ground from that herd. Besides, I have a feelin’ she’s good at leavin’ no trace. I mean, she didn’t even leave the bodies here,” Daryl commented, gesturing to the area around the base of the trunk.

“Yeah,” Michonne sighed. “I’m just worried… If there are more of these people out here, we need to know everything we can about them. Alexandria needs to know, and Hilltop too. The Kingdom…” She broke off, thinking back to their last war and hoping there wouldn’t be another.

“I know,” Daryl agreed. “’M worried too.” He paused, wondering if the others had been able to retrieve Jesus’ body yet. “We can at least look around a bit. Maybe we’ll get lucky,” he said.

It was maybe twenty minutes later as they searched the ground for a trace of the mysterious woman when they did, in fact, get lucky. A small group of walkers, maybe six or seven, moved toward them out of the trees. Daryl and Michonne exchanged a glance, both drawing their weapons.

“Let’s see if any of these fucks are the fully conscious kind,” Daryl growled. “Watch their hands.”

“If we find one, keep them alive if you can,” Michonne growled, flicking her sword. “We need to question them.”

The first two fell as regular walkers but the third screamed as Daryl’s bolt pierced its leg. It was immediately fallen upon by others and quickly died under clawing hands and snapping teeth, a dark pool of crimson blooming beneath the bodies. Daryl noticed two more of the figures stumbling toward him suddenly reversing their direction to move away from the feeding zombies. Behind him, Michonne was putting down more of the dead.

One of the figures trying to turn away from the carnage pulled a knife from his sleeve and lunged, but fell quickly with Daryl’s bolt in his head. At the sight of that, the final figure dropped to their knees and pleaded for their life, throwing their knife aside as both Daryl and Michonne advanced on them. Daryl ripped the mask from their face and looked down in surprise at a young teenager, by his guess no more than fifteen or sixteen years old. She trembled and cried behind Michonne’s blade.

More walkers were inbound, and a hasty decision had to be made. They needed answers more than they needed anything, and someone had to be held responsible for Jesus’ death. “We ain’t got time. We’ll take her with us.”

As they hurried away from another approaching herd, a raven called a raspy croak overhead and Daryl saw it streaking away into the woods.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m telling you, man. Your pipes and my accompaniment… we’re gonna be a two-man band at that festival,” Luke said, nearly bouncing on his toes. Alden couldn’t help but laugh. Despite how worried they were about all the others, Luke was a jovial traveling companion. Most of Luke’s group had gone outside the walls and had not yet returned, and the two of them felt unable to just sit around and wait... Surely, something had happened and their friends needed help.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Alden said. “You haven’t even heard me yet. For all you know, I’m terrible,” he joked.

“No, no, no… I don’t think so,” Luke smiled. “I’ve got a good feeling about this collaboration!” He glanced ahead. “There’s another one of Yumiko’s arrows,” he remarked, nodding toward a tree up ahead, an arrow shaft clearly visible protruding from the trunk. The two men moved closer but stopped short when they caught sight of a figure up ahead, a lone walker. Both of them readied their weapons. “I’ll get it,” Luke said, his weapon in hand.

But the ambling walker was suddenly… not. It froze. It stood completely still. Luke and Alden stopped too. They exchanged a perplexed glance. “That’s… weird,” Luke commented softly. He was about to ask if Alden had ever seen a walker not moving before.

Then, a stick broke to their left. Another figure appeared. Another crack on their right, then behind… More figures emerged through the brush and they all stood still. It was then that they realized the first was holding a bundle of arrows, the same ones Luke had assumed were Yumiko’s. They’d walked right into a trap and they were surrounded. There was no escape.

With no other options, Luke and Alden were forced to drop their weapons. Held in place by several men, the initial figure approached, masked in a sickening skin with scraggly white-blond hair. When she spoke, her voice was soft but dangerous.

“Bind their hands. Gag their mouths,” she urged, swaying slightly on her feet. “We keep them alive until we know about the girl. I’m going to see the others. I’ll return. Do not let them escape or your blood will be spilled.” Her tone was commanding but also matter-of-fact.

“Yes, Alpha,” the other masked figures replied. Alden and Luke watched as she disappeared into the trees again. They were bound and gagged and shoved to the forest floor to sit uncomfortably against a couple trees, able to only exchange fearful glances.

Dusk fell and the shadows lengthened. They were watched through the eyes of grotesque masks as the figures paced around them keeping guard. Their hands and fingers were cold from the tightness of their bonds and their shoulders ached and burned.

Two of the figures stopped next to each other and whispered for a moment before one of them disappeared farther into the brush. Bathroom break, Luke thought wryly. And despite his fear, he registered his need to do the same soon, but he didn’t dare make a sound. He glanced toward Alden who seemed to be staring straight ahead into the gathering darkness. Luke tried to work his hands up and down, trying to loosen the bindings on his wrists, but they were too tight. The backs of his hands burned from the friction. He let out a heavy exhale and tried to stay calm. Maybe the others were still out here… or maybe they were now looking for him and Alden. If they could just stay alive long enough, surely they’d—

Swoosh and then a dull thunk.

A muffled sound of surprise escaped him and Alden at the same time. Luke recoiled farther into the tree behind him as he watched the masked Whisperer who’d been guarding them drop to the ground with a thick arrow shaft in their head. It was tipped with inky black feathers.

He and Alden looked at each other with wide, shocked eyes. What the hell?

There was a rushing sound as the other guard returned through the brush. Before they could even reach the body of the fallen, they too were struck with a deadly shot in their forehead. Luke’s chest was heaving with confusion and fear. Alden was trying to push himself forward so he could get onto his knees and perhaps stand up. Suddenly, a strong hand gripped his shoulder and began to hiss in his ear.

“Move again and I’ll stick a knife in your knee.” Alden retracted from the breath on his ear and the bony fingers gripping him. “What—no!” the voice gasped. They had noticed the bodies.

They pulled a knife and straightened up, glancing around frantically, baring their teeth inside the mask like an animal. They grabbed Alden’s hair and pulled him to his feet, placing their blade at his neck. “Come out! Come outtttt! Or I’ll slit this one’s throat!” Somehow their voice still had the raspy quality of a whisper but it seemed to echo in the trees. A thick silence fell. For a moment, the was neither call of a bird or hum of an insect. The wind in the treetops was still. The trees seemed to be listening. The leaves held their breath. Then, in the distance, Luke and Alden heard the flap of wings and the rush of air beneath them clearly as if magnified by the silence that had fallen over the woods. The throaty croak of a raven called three times.

Swoosh and thunk. The figure’s grip on Alden disappeared and he jerked backwards away from it as it fell with another black-feathered arrow. This one, however, had struck in the neck, too low for an instant kill. The figure writhed and rasped in agony on the ground, the echoes of their cries bouncing off the tree and sounding deafening in the previous calm.

That’s when you dropped down from your perch in the trees above. Luke and Alden watched in shock as a figure, cloaked and hooded in black with a bow in one hand, produced a knife in the other and swiftly stabbed the struggling Whisperer in the base of the skull, silencing and stilling them.

You quickly threw back your hood and looked at Alden first, heading toward him and untying and pulling the gag down from his mouth. He gasped in hurried breaths. You could feel him shaking as you cut and untied the cord around his wrists. Luke looked on, dumbstruck. Alden rubbed his wrists and glanced around, expecting more of those masked freaks to step out from the trees at any moment.

The same thing was clearly on your mind as you rushed to Luke, saying, “That last one was loud. You better get out of here before more show up.”

You cut Luke’s bonds and he pulled the gag down out of his mouth, his jaw dropping open as he turned to stare at you, still dumbfounded. “Who—who the hell are you?” he asked, watching you quickly collect your arrows. They made sickening squelching noises as you pulled them from the skulls of the fallen Whisperers.

You ignored the question and hastily wiped the gore off the arrow heads onto your pants, glancing around anxiously. Stowing your arrows, you looked back at Alden. “You need to go,” you said again.

“Go where?” Alden said. “We don’t even know where we are.”

A raven called again overhead and then in a dark blur came fluttering down to hover over you. Looking up, you held your hand out and it dropped something into your palm before taking off again with a peculiar bubbling sound. Alden and Luke exchanged yet another mystified look.

“Great,” you murmured to yourself, tossing what the bird had dropped into your palm down onto the ground. It was an ear, clearly from a walker. “There are more dead coming. Probably with Shepherds.” You spun your knife skillfully in your hand and glanced at the two men. “I can get you to the old highway, but that’s as far as I go. Come on.”

“Shepherds?” Luke repeated, but you simply plunged off into the trees, drawing your dark hood over your head again.

“Wait—” Alden urged, hurrying after you. Luke was on his heels. “Wait! You aren’t even gonna tell us your name?”

“No,” you said in a hushed voice, “and be quiet.”

Luke took a succession of quick steps to come to your other side. “Listen, uh—you just might’ve saved our lives back there. I’m Luke. This is Alden,” he said. “That’s—that’s a neat trick you’ve got there with your—your crow pal,” he said, laughing nervously. He could feel the adrenaline and endorphins rushing through him, making him anxious and jittery.

“Raven,” you corrected him with a mere sideways glance.

“Oh. Right. Raven,” Luke said. “Sorry.”

You charged ahead into the brush again and the two men struggled to keep up. It seemed that walking through this landscape and the dense vegetation, rife with obstacles, was second-nature to you.

The feeling was still coming back into his fingers, but Alden looked around for a makeshift weapon. He seized a dried pine limb with a sharp, broken end and tested its strength over his knee. Good enough. Luke followed his lead and selected a sturdy branch as well.

You’d barely been leading them toward the highway for more than two minutes when you heard another sound overhead; a shrill alarm call from your raven that you knew all too well. You froze. Luke nearly ran into your back from the sudden stop. You strained your hearing for a long moment… There. You heard rustling to your left and growling. “More here.” you said. “The dead and maybe Shepherds. Get ready,” you said.

You readied an arrow on your bow and charged forward toward the sound, crouching behind a fallen tree to conceal yourself until the moment was right. Alden and Luke followed more clumsily and far less silently.

Peering between the branches, you finally saw them approaching. Alpha was at the lead, followed by maybe six or seven others. She was unmistakable in her gruesome mask with scraggly pale hair. The rest of them? Dead or living, you couldn’t be sure. You pulled in a slow breath, stood, and bent your bow. Alpha was obstructed behind a large pine trunk. The first arrow dropped a figure to the ground and several of the dead stumbled over it before bending to feed. Alpha and two Whisperers wearing masks withdrew knives. Her followers huddled around her. You bent your bow again and let an arrow fly. It struck one of the living in the chest and they screamed as they fell in a heap. Alpha turned and thrust her knife into their throat, silencing them. She stared into the dark trees ahead, swaying slightly on her feet, her large blade glinting in the low light.

She gestured to the other Whisperer and they began to move forward again. You were readying another arrow when there was the distinct sound of many moving through brush to the left. Alden turned and saw more dead inbound. “Fuck,” you swore under your breath. You had to take your eyes off Alpha and fired a shot at the walker in the lead. More stumbled forward… many more. “Get ready,” you said again to Luke and Alden. As you glanced back toward the other group, there was no sign of Alpha. You fired shot after shot into the advancing dead, not missing your mark once, but finally, when you reached back for another arrow, your hand grasped at air. Your quiver was empty. You withdrew your knife again and nodded to the men. Alden leapt forward and thrust the sharp end of his pine branch into the face of the walker in the lead. “Watch their hands!” you cautioned the men, thrusting your knife into the forehead of another. Luke swung his branch like a baseball bat and knocked another to the ground before smashing it’s head in with the blunt end.

You were about to lunge again at a snarling dead one when another behind it suddenly stepped forward with a blade raised. You ducked their thrust and kicked hard at the side of their leg. They crumpled to the ground with a cry and the dead fell on them. You stabbed your knife into two more of the dead, wincing as a spray of blood landed across your neck as you withdrew. Alden and Luke were both still fighting behind you. You turned to join them but were caught off guard when someone kicked you hard in the center of your back. You fell forward onto the cushion of pine needles and your knife tumbled away into the litter.

Hurriedly rolling over you saw Alpha standing over you, one of her followers at her side. She cocked her head and you saw her smiling behind the mask. “Looks like you dropped your knife. That’s a shame,” she said, her voice sweet like poisoned honey.

You scrambled back on your hands, glancing over your shoulder, hoping to see your knife reflecting the moonlight, but it was too dark. The shadows swallowed nearly everything. Your right hand groped for a stick, anything, to wield as she advanced on you slowly, calmly.

Your fingers hit something cold and hard; a stone. You grasped it, your chest heaving.

You jumped to your feet and waited for the right moment. Alpha and her follower were still fixed on you, but behind them you saw Alden put down the last walker. Luke nudged him and the two of them began sneaking up behind your adversaries.

Suddenly, Alpha sprung toward you with her knife. You reflexively jumped back and it barely missed your stomach. She swept it toward you again and you dodged, but she was relentless. You threw up an arm to block another quick attack and felt the blade cut deeply into your forearm. You let out a cry of pain and stumbled to the side, away from her.

“Hey!” Alden yelled, raising his pine branch.

Alpha didn’t even turn to look, her eyes still fixed on you. “Take care of those two. This one is mine,” she growled. Her follower spun to face the men and was soon engaged in fighting with them. Alpha continued to advance and you stepped back slowly, the stone still in your hand. You could feel the warm wetness of blood running down your arm and soaking your sleeve. Alpha lunged again, raising her knife and you deflected the blow to the side, taking the opportunity to smash the side of her face with the stone, knocking her to the ground but smashing the tip one of your own fingers at the same time. She fell sideways and was stunned for a moment as you straightened up, staggering backwards. You felt your boot hit something and you looked down to see your knife underfoot.

“Yes,” you gasped, reaching down. You fingers closed around the handle and then—something sharp and cold pierced your side and sunk in. You let out a pained gasp, all the breath leaving your body in a rush of air. You were suddenly on the flat of your back again and looked down to see her knife sticking out of your right side. She’d thrown it as you bent to retrieve your own.

You heard her laughing and looked up to see her stumbling toward you, still somewhat unsteady after the blow from the stone but determined. She was within two feet of you when a streak blacker than night hit her in the head from behind and clawed at her mask. There was a raucous screeching and flapping as your raven divebombed her and struck her on the head. The shiny black peak pecked into her mask, reaching her face with the sharp bill.

While she was distracted by your bird, you gritted your teeth and stood with a tremendous effort, the knife still protruding from your side. As soon as you were on your feet, your raven disappeared again into the trees. Behind Alpha, you saw that Alden and Luke had dealt with the final Whisperer and were both advancing on her from behind and you smiled through your pain. She didn’t have a weapon now and it was three against one, despite the knife in your side. “You’re surrounded,” you said. You adjusted your grip on your own knife. The handle was slippery from the blood running down your arm. You blinked to clear the slight blur in your vision.

Alpha glanced back over her shoulder briefly before meeting your eyes again. You were hunched over from the pain and she simply smiled. “You’re dead,” she said softly. “And I’d really like to have my knife back.”

“Fuck you,” you growled, suddenly throwing the stone from your non-dominant hand and hitting her hard in the chest. She gasped and staggered back slightly and you rushed forward, raising your knife, aiming for her chest. But you were weak from the pain in your side and she grabbed your wrist as you tried to bring down the blade. The two of you struggled with it overhead. You cried out as the effort sent white-hot jagged bolts of pain through your body. Alpha was stronger than you in that moment and she redirected your struggle down to her side. She thrust a knee up into your stomach hard, paralyzing your lungs and stunning you. You still had hold of your knife but before you could respond, you felt another searing, blinding bolt of pain as she gripped the handle of her own knife and tugged it, ripped it from your body. You fell forward onto your hands and knees and then pressed a hand over the wound on your side. You felt that your clothing as soaked with blood and your hand came away wet and sticky, the crimson appearing black in the low light. Where were Alden and Luke? Why weren’t they helping you? Your gaze lifted to see that they were fighting with another wave of the dead that had wandered in while you were all distracted.

You gasped again as Alpha kicked her boot into your ribs and sent you rolling to the side. You came to rest on your back, trying to pull in air. You looked up to see her rushing you and you summoned the last bit of fight and effort you had and threw all your bodyweight behind your knife and sunk it into her thigh before she could bring hers down on you.

She let out a scream of agony followed by a low growl, whirling and staggering back. The look she gave you through her mask was utter contempt and rage. You tried in vain to get your muscles to hold your weight, to get up, to do something…. But they wouldn’t cooperate. Alpha was standing over you again, limping on her injured leg. The last thing you saw was her boot aiming for your face. You managed to turn your head to the side just before it connected but then everything went black…

[satorubrain]

I am such a hypocrite , I will defend Hawks from mha who was fantasized as a cheater from that 2020 trend, that he doesn't have a shitty personality and won't cheat meanwhile when it comes to Gojo I usually agree to people that he would cheat on the girl he is in relationship or married , when both of them are characterized as playboys , womanizers by the fandom

Lmaooo😂🤣

ANONNIEEE WHAT?!

Okay I'm obliged to defend my man actually. Because he would NEVER, like never EVER cheat on this s/o.

Look at him! He's still not over his ex?? And it's been like what? TEN YEARS? Literally there's much canon material that this man is beyond loyal (look at him and suguru). His loyalty towards his ideals, friends and students is already high enough, I'm sure it'll be more than doubled with his s/o.

Suguru and him is such an easy example because Suguru was the first person Satoru ever opened up to and we all have seen how this man acted when Suguru betrayed him. All of his rationality left him. Ten years later? Still the same thing. He saw Suguru for a moment and all he was filled with memories of 3 years and his rationality left him causing him to be sealed. HE COMES BACK and the first thing he wants to do is mourn over Suguru.

He thinks and feels deeply about betrayals. He's been betrayed, by his best friend, by his one and only and that thing broke him. He knows the pain of betrayal and he feels it everyday.

Plus he is the Gojo Satoru. The strongest sorcerer. The honoured one. His name is widespread and famous throughout the entire planet. There are bounties on his head. People and curses, alike, want him dead. But his powers, his infinity makes him untouchable. He relishes in the fact he's the strongest and he does NOT tolerate ANY threat to his powers. Toji who almost killed him? Dead. That whip from movie zero what negated/ignored cursed techniques? He made sure to get RID of that thing THOROUGHLY!! He doesn't even drink/can't drink alcohol.

It's absolutely impossible for him to turn off infinity for a quick nut and allow a person to see him in the vulnerable moments of sex. Like no that's NOT Satoru.

Also this bitch is probably ridiculously busy. This man has missions, 5+ kids to handle, busy eating sweets and an ungodly amount of food WITH an overcooked brain.

So in my opinion.

He doesn't or cannot open up his heart to anyone but if someone does manage to do the impossible, he's doomed.

If you come into his life, make your way through the walls he built up, give him all the love he deserves and never got, be there for him and understand the kind of person he is without judging him and letting him be himself with you. If you see through the facade of the strongest, being rich and handsome and see the kind of person Gojo Satoru is, love him for who he truly is.

Gojo Satoru will worship the ground you walk. You will be in the center of his world. Sometimes, he'll even treat you like a delicate little butterfly who he can't hold on to tightly but also who would fly away, fly away from him, never to return. He knows you're a human but he nonetheless still treats you just delicately and with full of love, hoping you would never leave him.

Also, if you manage to win his heart, he can only see you. No one, absolutely no one in the world compares to you. All other people seem so uninteresting and bland to him. Other than his responsibility, he really could care less about the other people.

Oh- by no chance I'm saying he's flawless. He's absolutely flawed, perhaps he has way too many flaws. He's also an attention whore who is ridiculously arrogant. But he's still not a cheater, never a scum who would break someone's trust. Never.

[nanami-is-nanamean]

I like playing hsr-- as my irls say, im a bit of a grind/build player. I can attest to that, because no joke-- i spent an entire year just grinding and farming for materials for my characters. So you could say that im a bit well versed in how these characters work and run and tick. Of course, when you have two obsessions, its kind of inevitable that youd smash them together like dolls so--

Here's JJK characters typecasted as HSR characters

Please note that im more well versed in the characters as units so im gonna typecast them as such— i know jack about their plot and stories so i may or may not make a part two or more lmao

Lets go-- everything is under the cut

OH-- quick note!! Ill be doing the 06 class first because im more familiar with them, and most of my info comes from my own experience playing, and Prydwen my beloved lmao

- - -

Gojo Satoru:

For Gojo—as a unit, i wanna say that hes either the strongest unit currently or some kind of nuts shielder. Its an either or because duh. Bruv is Quite Literally The Strongest and Quite Literally Untouchable.

If were going with the former, aka the strongest—id say that he would be what is currently considered the meta, which is Acheron. I dont have an Acheron, but my friend does and she lent me her account so i can build her Acheron and other units and LET ME TELL YOU. HOLY SHIT. Even unbuilt, Acheron hits like a motherfucker dawg. Its genuinely crazy. Her Technique as well (heh) also lets her oneshot almost anything which is also inline with how he works. Jeez, i should probably go back to building her account...

If were going with the latter, aka nuts shielder ala Infinity, i was thinking either Fu Xuan or Aventurine—but settled on Fu Xuan as it filled out more of what Gojo could do. While she does actually take damage, as she directs damage to herself, she heals it all back which honestly?? Amazing symbolism for Gojo tbh—considering the fact that hes the most important figure in Jujutsu society, everyone would be fucking gunning for him man. And he'd just as easily bounce back and brush it all off with a quick smile and Purple. And speaking of purple—esteemed colleague, that is Just Her Ultimate.

But yeah—Gojo would be either Acheron or Fu Xuan, depending on what aspect of him were focusing on.

Geto Suguru:

I'm gonna admit—this one was a little hard for me because who tf uses summons. And then it hit me.

Dear lord, my boy is just Topaz. Or Jing Yuan. LMAO—

Makes sense tho mechanically—Geto's technique is all about summoning curses to fight. Either for him or with him. Its just that the choice between Topaz and Jing Yuan capitalizes on what sort of fighting styles Geto wants to use. Topaz is more reliant on Numby doing damage, while Jing Yuan can do damage on his own without the help of Lightning Lord. This means then that Topaz is if Geto wants his curses to fight for him, and Jing Yuan is if he wants to fight with his curses.

Also the fact that I considered Sushang for him just because she summons a giant fucking chicken for her ult is. W o w .

Shoko Ieiri:

Dawg. To be honest with you. I think this is gonna be the hardest one for me to typecast unit wise. Because like—Shoko is a heal bot fr fr. And like—thats literally all the Abundance characters man. I CANT JUST SAY "shes every Abundance character" AND CALL IT A DAY. I mean I CAN but I WONT because I have STANDARDS. So I suppose I'll knock off the ones she can't possibly be unit wise.

Bailu is an Instant No. If she can bring people back from the dead Bailu style, JJK would be a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. and YEAH YEAH the Gojo/Yuuta thing is different—Gojo was already super dead, she just transferred Yuuta to Gojos body my guy. Not Gallagher, since w've never seen her in a combat situation and we have no idea what pure RCE can do to a curse—and before you say im wrong, nuh uh dawg—youre thinking about Reverse Cursed TECHNIQUE. I'm talking energy. The two are very different. Thats like saying putting the car in reverse is the same as using diesel instead of gas. Luocha is also a no go since, if she can just cast a Simple Domain that heals everyone in range, JJK would be a completely different story. And, as much as this pains me to say it—she cant be Huohuo either, because if her healing people would also replenish their CE, JJK would be a different story—at the very least with more people alive in it lmao

And so. This leaves us with our F2P basic units. Lynx and Natasha. Which... honestly? Its weirdly fitting and cathartic in a strange sort of way. Its guaranteed they'd be there to help because you receive them as units early on in the game—just as guaranteed that Shoko would be there to help and heal any and all sorcerers who come to her. All units need healing, in any way shape and form—without em making sure our teams our alive, we quite literally cannot get thru half the content of the game. I would know, that friend DID NOT build any of their sustains. Constantly fighting for my life until I built Gallagher lmao.

But yeah—unit wise, it does fit. They both mainly are there to give healing and basic support to the units, without drastically buffing them or debuffing their opponents. Theyre just there to make sure the team is alive, and honestly? 🫡 you go babe. heres a free cigarette, on me.

Nanami Kento:

Immediately I knew what the fuck I wanted him to be. Break effect character. Aka, current meta. So, obviously he'd be Boothill and Robin right?? Well—not exactly...

He'd deffo be Boothill thats for sure, but not so much Robin. Nanami's powerset is pretty simple—he focuses on a target and then, depending on his goal and/or amount of cursed energy, proceeds to put a weak point on them of which to hit. He can't be Robin because of how she works—she needs to transform via Ult to deal that optimal break damage and strike weak points despite whatever shes facing not having a fire element weakness. Whereas Nanami can just hit, without needing to transform into something else or needing a cursed tool or something.

For a little bit there, I considered Xueyi but ulimately said no because of her follow up and her being able to attack multiple enemies at once. While yes, I can flavor the follow up as a black flash or something (even though i really shouldn't since black flashes are based off luck and "being in the zone"), the multiple targets thing I really couldn't ignore because we've never seen him attack multiple targets at once—the closest thing we have is him being fast enough and strong enough to one shot curses back to back.

I was left with Sushang and Luka at this point, and ended up with Sushang. I was already settled with Sushang, when I remembered that Luka existed lmao—but decided to give him a shot anyways. I shouldn't have given him that shot because he doesn't fit Nanami as a unit. He's a Nihility "charge" unit—charge in the sense of, he needs to build up a certain stack to properly break and deal damage. When you relate that to Nanami, it doesn't work. Like I said, Nanami is simple and straight-forward, no muss and no fuss. There's a lot of mussing and fussing around with Luka that doesn't mesh well, along with the whole debuff thing Nihility has going—Nanami doesn't do that kind of DOT damage in the series, and doesn't deal too much of a handicap that I could consider it.

Nanami being Boothill and Sushang makes sense to me too. Nanami is a relatively fast person, being able to kind of run on water, fend off dozens of curses at the same time whilst taking minimal damage, and keep up with a Mahito that transformed himself into being really fast, and hits hard—both with the boost and assistance of his technique and without it. Like—he canonically killed Haruta 6 times. Were it not for his Luck Technique, his skull would've been pulverized by the first punch.

Boothill and Sushang's entire deal is to hit hard and hit fast—or at the very least, stay ahead of their opponents in the turn order via Break—Weakness, Super, or otherwise. Boothill's mechanics are a little more complicated than Sushang's but they're relatively simple and tracks with how Nanami works—he can force element weakness (Nanami's CT), hits really good and really hard to those he's focused on/appiled weakness on (nanami's CT again), and is able to clear out multiple enemies at once/inquick succession despite being a single target focus due to how strong and fast he is (nanami's CT and fighting style in general). Sushang's mechanics are much more barebones—she hits hard and she hits fast, which is basically the essence of Nanami in battle.

Haibara Yuu:

Motherfucker dude, this one is EASY—my boy is OBVIOUSLY Pompom. BUT NO WAIT IM BEING FR THO—we barely see him in both the manga and the anime, and I even looked up whether or not he's a playable unit in JJK Cursed Clash or JJK Phantom Parade. He's not there dawg. He's literally just the mascot—😭😭😭 UGYFHBKSFSBHVDVKFHKSD

And as much as I'd love to make assumptions abt his technique and how he works—aka theorize abt the meaning of his name, make educated guesses with the short screentime he had, I don't think I can make a good guess or assumption on how he works.

So yeah. He's Pompom, he's an NPC KHDFJHGSIDKFX—

Rip Haibara, even in death, you don't due nothing other than change the trajectory of everyone's lives via dying BUKJRNLDFJXB

---

Thanks for reading...??? Genuinely feel like doing a cont to this but like—them as HSR character lorewise, or turning them into actual HSR units, or doing the other characters. Its p fun!! Also let me engage with HSR in a diff way other than me logging on, grinding Robin's domain, getting a bunch of shit artifacts and ignoring the main quest LMAO—

[neiptune]

congratulations on your one year bb!!! excited to watch you keep growing.

for your event, if you aren't too overwhelmed with requests, i'd love to see love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right with one barou shouei to give you some good bllk practice. okay love u !!!! thank u!!!! also the red theme of this event is giving me life as a red girlie through and through!!!

barou shouei x love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right

Honestly, you’re not annoyed by Isagi’s sudden intrusion: Shouei doesn’t really have many friends he invites over or hangs out with so, even if you definitely had other plans for the afternoon, you’re kinda happy you’ll get to peer into his closed off social world a little.

Shouei, on the other hand, isn’t really making an effort to hide just how irked he is. Which means the hosting part in a house that’s not even yours, soon becomes your responsibility.

Isagi is all friendly smiles and genuine appreciation as you brew some green tea and lay different snacks on the coffee table, careful to only bring the ones Shouei’s sisters don’t deem as their favorites. Come to think of it, it’s kinda funny, the amount of details you have memorized by now. But then again, it’s probably what being in love feels like for normal people in normal situations.

“Ah, thank you! M’sorry for showing up unannounced, you guys were probably busy but Barou wasn’t picking up my calls and I was just nearby and I really wanted to discuss this strategy I came up with last night—”

“Isagi, it’s fine! It’s not like we had anything special planned” you ignore Shouei’s grunt “besides, I’m really glad I can finally meet you. The man who changed Japan’s football”

The man sitting next to you on the couch tenses up right away, his thigh flush against yours feeling like concrete. What you’re willingly disregarding Isagi chooses to acknowledge instead, stiff smile splitting his face as his eyes dart to Barou.

“Uhm, yeah, thanks” he clears his throat, cheeks already tinted with a pink so pretty “it’s nice meeting you, too. I didn’t know Barou had a girlfriend”

“Oh, I’m not his—”

A big hand, far too warm and rough, closes around your knee and you know that’s your cue to shut up.

“Tell me about the fucking strategy” he growls and you wish you were sitting on his lap, back pressed to his chest hard enough to feel the rumble of his voice. Your legs instinctively clench ever so slightly but you’re certain he notices, because his grip grows tighter.

So you just sit there, listening to Isagi’s new interpretation of the verrou system, one his team seems to have already tested out back in their blue lock days. It’s surprising, really, how compelling he can make it all sound: you’re genuinely invested in the way his mind works, the general idea he’s explaining consisting in players switching not only positions but also roles, depending on the game’s pattern. You know Shouei is still annoyed but, as you glance at his hardened profile, you can’t hold back the small smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He’s listening attentively and sharing his unfiltered opinions, soon enough engaging in a full on debate on what kind of players they’d need for a team to successfully apply Isagi’s tactic, all while his other hand casually reaches for the bowl of corn nuts but only after slightly pushing the still untouched cup of tea towards his nemesis, it’s gonna get cold grumbled under his breath.

You pretend not to notice how he glances at you, too. Just to check if you’re drinking your tea as well, just to make sure you’re not too bored while they keep rambling athletic nonsense.

“Pair this shit with total football” Isagi’s face lights up at Shouei’s suggestion.

“With the 4-3-3 sequence? That’s it, Barou! I was missing offensiveness in my scheme!”

“Damn right, you were. Sucker”

You hold back your chuckle and bask in the comfort of something you almost never get to experience: being there, just being there as the man you’re desperately smitten for has a casual discussion over the one thing he loves more than his sisters. It’s nice, feeling like there’s a little corner of everyday life for you to squeeze in for once. It could so easily become routine, it could so easily feel right. It already does.

Isagi leaves shortly after and you say goodbye with a smile and a gentle wave of the hand he reciprocates, enthusiastic promises of updating Shouei on the results of the scheme they have developed swallowed by the door slammed in his face.

You’re leaning forward as he returns to the living room, keeping yourself busy by tidying up the coffee table, two empty cups and a chocolate bar wrapper in your hands as rough fingers grip your hips to abruptly pull you back.

You let out a yelp he almost finds endearing as your butt lands on the firmness of his thigh, arms caging you against his body as treacherously soft lips press to your shoulder blade.

“Shouei, I’m gonna drop these!” you try to wiggle your wait out of his embrace but he tightens his grip, warm breath fanning over your neck.

“What was that little stunt you pulled?” his voice is so deep it sends a shudder down your spine. But you’re not gonna let him win this, not today.

You inch forward enough to place cups and wrapper back on the coffee table and then manage to turn sideways, so close your nose almost brushes against his.

“The man who changed Japan’s football. You wanna fuck him or somethin’?”

“Don’t know” you bite back “maybe, if I did enough times, he’d call me his girlfriend”

A deep chuckle rumbles in his chest.

“S’that what you want, pretty?” one of his hands rises from your hip to your neck, thumb pressing to the column of your throat “thought we’d started this as a game”

“Well, you know what else can be a game? Love. Love is a ruthless game” you drop your had to escape his crimson gaze but he’s quick to tilt it back up by gently grabbing your chin.

“Unless you play it good and right. Pretty girl” he coos with a smirk “you already know how good of a player I am”

[hockeychatstea]

K, so some burning thoughts on Daniella & Vince

1. All their fights have to be about Instagram. The whole nuts emoji was done retroactivelyon a post that was posted WAY BEFORE they got together and stans started hate following her. Fight- you never comment on my posts. Proceeds to comment on a post before they got together that very few people who gossip about him ignoring her will go back to look at. Fight - you don’t post me. Posts video of her ambling down the beach like a drunk person wearing a hat and sunglasses. He seems to want to humiliate her.

2. She’s pitched him on being a social media manager — maybe even creating his personal TikTok. The fan insta account was definitely her. (Though, any thoughts about how some of the captions sounded like they were written by someone who spoke ESL — like calling her posts of events “registrations” and other weird wording?) The new Tumblr is her. She tags clothing brands in hers and he’s started doing it in reverse on old posts. Her content is boring af and she’s edited beyond recognition. (Literally don’t know how she hasn’t untagged herself on those hair salon pics. She’s very cute, but not this itty bitty nosed, high cheekbones gal on her insta.) She’s young, and Instagram creates dysmorphia, so I feel bad for her here. She’s not below him or any crap that tries to put her looks down. I am not bashing her actual looks. Fellow strong nose, baby faced woman myself. Just over the top editing. Anytime she posts, I think of that beyonce song “to the left, to the left”, like look at the camera and just be yourself! She has friends with decent followings, who do blogs, but she just has no self-identity and personality besides drinking, eating out, being a pro gf and taking photos for the gram. I also think she just doesn’t get why her followers don’t keep going up.

3. She doesn’t want to work, and never planned to. I don’t know if her mom did the same thing, and whether she worked before marrying rich and if this is just the family way, or what. She will keep trying to do some influencer/social media to pretend she has a “job”. Check out her old influencer profile trying to get brands to hire her taking about her skills in editing. lol.

4. The video from his interior designer says it all to me on how much he thinks of her. She mentions that he wants to entertain, have a game room, pretty much that’s it. The designer specially calls out that bathroom goes relatively untouched, no mention of closet overhauls. Two things any live-in girlfriend would definitely would have wanted to have done — room to get ready/a nice vanity and custom closets for girl stuff. The bathroom they showed was dark and would be awful to do makeup in. He updated his bachelor pad for single guy stuff. Period.

He also seems genuinely terrible, and I am not into him like when TikTok pretty much forced me to think he’s hot. But this is a train wreck and I just can’t look away for some reason. Vapid attracts vapid, so maybe they are perfect for one another.

I agree with you anon their relationship is just so fucking weird to me 💀

[yukidragon]

If the MC has interest in Shaun do you think Jack would hurt or do something to moonpie just mess with him mentally. Cause I really don’t want him to hurt the fluffy baby! 🥺

Considering Jack's method of violence is to convince people to hurt or even kill themselves, rather than do any direct harm to them himself, I think that's very unlikely. His strength is his ability to convince others to do what he wants after all, which is why he can be a pretty scary antagonist to the player.

Also, it doesn't make sense for Jack to harm Moonpie in order to get to Shaun, or even Pico and Cheese in the Nick route. He can't be seen by Shaun, Nick, or anyone besides MC after all. He can't exactly hold a knife to a pet's throat and threaten that he'll kill their fur-baby if they don't disappear from MC's life forever.

Plus we need to consider how Jack is trying so desperately to stay in character as Sunny Day Jack. Why would Sunny Day Jack ever harm an innocent animal? They haven't done anything! And a disabled animal at that! How monstrous. That's why Jack has to convince others to hurt themselves, since Sunny Day Jack would never hurt anyone.

Moonpie, Pico, and Cheese are innocent parties in all of this. Jack might be a yandere and innocent people are in danger when he feels threatened, but from what we've seen in teaser artwork and in the demo, he only goes after those who he believes might steal his sunshine away from him. While his definition of "threat" is a bit skewed, it's unlikely that he could see those little bundles of fluff as anything remotely close to threatening.

Yes, if something bad happened to Moonpie, it would screw with Shaun's mental state, but it could just as easily backfire by making MC feel the need to support Shaun during such a dark time. It would especially backfire if they found out Jack had anything to do with it. It's also not necessary, as nightmares are a perfect way to mess with anyone's head, as we've seen him do to Nick at the end of the demo.

There's also the fact that Moonpie is pretty much untouchable by the fanbase. As we've seen in this unforgettable piece of fan art by @kurocantcommunicate, the fans will absolutely end Jack if he dares to even so much as make empty threats against Moonpie. Snaccpop Studios is very mindful of its fans comfort, and this backlash has shown clearly that this is a hard limit for the fanbase. So, from a meta standpoint, it's doubtful that sort of narrative where Jack harms or uses Moonpie or any other pet as a hostage by putting them in danger will be explored in the game.

Jack's strength is his silver tongue and how he can use it to convince people to do what he wants them to do. It makes far more sense that he focuses on convincing Shaun that he's unworthy of MC, and MC that they shouldn't waste their time on Shaun or any of the other rivals. There's no need to drag unrelated third parties into this.

It's possible, at worst, Jack might take Moonpie and put her someplace else to lead Shaun on some wild goose chase to keep Shaun preoccupied while something else was going on that would be advantageous to him. However, even in that scenario, I don't think Jack would put her in a situation where she could get hurt.

For example: Jack could take Moonpie someplace and leave the front door open. Shaun goes out to look for Moonpie, not noticing Jack slipping back in after he's gone to place Moonpie back in the apartment. Shaun gets to freak out that his baby might've gotten outside into the city and could get hurt, while Moonpie is perfectly safe. Jack could even repeat this to drive Shaun nuts if he was so inclined, and Moonpie would never actually be in any real danger.

Ultimately, hurting Moonpie or any other pet just doesn't seem like something Jack would want to do, and he won't really gain anything from doing it anyway.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[f0point5]

HELLLOOO IM IN LOVE W YOUR SMAU and also how you see the drivers is very similar to how i do too!

disclaimer: i do not know these people. how i perceive them is strictly my own opinion and the image of them in my mind is something built from what i’ve seen them say/do in public. i won’t ever pretend to actually know them. what i think of them are probably two dimensional characters in comparison to the real people. i just like profiling/psychoanalyzing people sometimes but i won’t actually say how i see them are how they truly are.

im a max and charles girlie (and oscar too, but i digress) and the way you’ve portrayed them or spoken about them is so much like what i’ve been thinking. what was it about charles you said? something along the lines of ‘he shows enough of himself so that people won’t actually know him’ and that the way people see him is how he wants them to see him. also how he stays neutral whether from his own need to stay ‘good’ or from self-preservation (or both). i’ve just never seen many (if any) people other than myself (and you) point it out. because to me it’s so very clear that he’s maintained this sort of image that’s so likable and lovable that it’s easy to buy into it. he’s a tough nut to crack i think, other than the other points you’ve mentioned (not being able to stay alone, etc). the way he approaches things, it’s actually so difficult to know what goes on inside his head when not in very obvious situations (ie disappointment/anger/sadness after a race). his perpetually ‘good’ and neutral persona makes it nearly impossible to see what he thinks about certain things. yes, he has his tells, but again he’s very self-aware and in control of how he presents himself, and he’s great at reading people too to top it off, and so he can decide which words best to use and which way to best avoid certain conversations. of course that is not to say he is manipulative etcetc, just that he knows what he has and he knows what people want.

this is a stark contrast to max, which is interesting because he’s much more private about his personal life than charles is. with charles he’s so lovely all the time that one might think ‘you can’t possibly be this way all the time can you?’. not in a way that doubts his kindness, only that he comes off as surreal and therefore untouchable/unattainable.

max on the other hand, while pr trained (bc ofc they all are) is very transparent, in a way charles can’t (or won’t) be. he’s venomous when he’s pushed to the limit and he bites his tongue constantly from holding back (which you can so clearly see when he does, because there’s an energy that surrounds him that makes you want to take a step back even though he says/does nothing to show agression). his kindness and the way he shows his love is equally as palpable. have you seen his hugs? the way he smiles and looks at other people right after telling a joke before he can laugh too? when he shows this side of him he gives it so freely, so openly, there’s no room for question whether it was genuine or cordial. when he shows love he gives it wholly. i don’t think i’ve seen it any other way. i sometimes think maybe that’s the only way he knows how to.

that charles, who spends more time in the public eye than max ever did/does/ever will, is more unpredictable than max, is all that more interesting to me.

about oscar, i think he’s so similar to max. they’re both direct and cheeky, they’re very witty and sarcastic in a lighthearted tongue-in-cheek way, they’re not caught up in any stories of legacy or image (next schumacher, next senna, next hamilton, etc). there’s no dream to be realized other than their own. and this separates them from quite a number of the drivers on the grid. they want to race and they want to win; anything outside of that like politics, media, well, they can all piss off. but while they don’t appreciate the extra elements that come in the formula one package (being in the spotlight, having to do activities that have nothing to do with racing, etc) they know how to have fun with it. they don’t gaf and that’s what makes them so entertaining. of course this is only oscar’s first year in f1, so we haven’t seen much of his personality when in circumstances that are less than favorable (which… i have to say max has had plenty of) and i’ve seen how he was during f2 and he’s pretty much stayed the same, coolheaded silly guy. we might just get to see him be more and more agressive though, because after japan, and also the several other times he’d ended up losing out on a podium. idk i mean how patient can one be before thinking ‘hey, enough of this now,’ (no hate to lando ofc thats the bff i love him). i’ll be seated for that day is all i’m saying.

oh and they have similar preferences too in food and neither likes to dance and it’s just so funny to me bc they’re such an unlikely pair?? the way they do media activities too for content is hilarious they obviously don’t want to be there, but the differing quality is that max probably thinks ‘okay, i don’t want to be here, so let’s get it over with and have fun with it too’ (ie. make the people making him do these things regret it. the menace.) while oscar just wants to go home or go racing. there may just be a change in that though, because we’ve seen lando help him get used to the environment and be more open compared to the start of the season when he was still quiet and came off as shy/boring.

okay that’s it i’m done sorry for writing an essay in your anon asks have fun reading.

i also have a blast just going through your answers bc you’re always so articulate with them and it’s easy to tell you spent time thinking it through!

I agree with you about Charles, except for one tiny caveat. I don’t think he comes across so nice that no one could be that nice all the time. I think they probably could be, I just think he probably isn’t. He is a pretty aggressive driver, has been all the way through, raced Max hard in karting and very hard in cars, no way that guy is the type to just say “it’s like this” and breathe heavily and go home and do the same thing there. And that’s not a bad thing at all, he should be allowed to have his work face and go home and be himself. The funny thing with Charles is that it seems like he doesn’t want to acknowledge that that’s his work face. He seems to want people to think that they’re engaging with his whole personality. As I said, I think he just feeds the para social relationship, which is partly why his fans are so passionate but also so entitled to his time and personal space/life (not all, but I do feel that his fans find him more accessible than other drivers eg. Touching, grabbing, crowding him, turning up at his home etc).

I agree about Max. He just seems like he won’t bother to hide how he feels unless he feels there’s a proper reason, PR or media be damned. And good for him, but I think he can do that because he is so used to shutting out everyone’s opinions except his own. In order for criticism not to completely break you, you have to shut yourself off from other’s people’s opinion of you, which means neither their dislike nor their praise will make any difference to you. I think you can see that’s Max’s survival mode, because a father like he had will crush you if you don’t start compartmentalising really fast. I think Max knows the he knows what he’s doing and everyone else can pull up a chair or exit the theatre, he doesn’t care which.

I feel like maybe Oscar is similar, but it comes from a different place. I just get the feeling that Oscar has been on his own a lot. I don’t know why I think that, but he carries himself like a kid who flew on his own at 8 years old. I think he went to boarding school as a teen as well which would make sense to him because he does have boarder vibes to me. Like, he’s used to putting all his ducks in a row in his own, he doesn’t need or want much attention. I feel like he doesn’t lap up the attention from Zak the same way Lando does because he almost doesn’t need that mentoring that most young men would. I just feel like he’s fully cooked as a personality. And I think his personality is just a straightforward, funny guy, probably the type to only come out of his shell with a few people, and those people are definitely not the Instagram followers lol. I’m interested to see if his racing personality becomes more outwardly aggressive, but I also think he/McLaren might know the game they’re playing and he’s just biding his time. If they’re still undercutting him in 2025 I think the gloves will come up but I also don’t think they will be. I think he’ll become a more spicy wheel to wheel racer in time but I also think he’s doing the right thing not making enemies (except Carlos) in his rookie season.

I hope you enjoy going through this one!

[bethagain]

Thinky-thoughts incoming! Today’s topic: Musings on relationships and The Mandalorian, from someone who doesn't get it. AKA, What’s the deal with shipping Din and Bo-Katan?

Friendly chats about the following are welcome! But, please ignore if my ramblings are going to upset you.

I didn’t get the Din/Luke thing at first, but I have to admit there’s some potential there. And I can see why the Bo-Katan/Armorer thing has its fans. But I do not get the Din/Bo-Katan thing. At all. And because I feel like writing and my fic ideas are absolutely refusing to happen, I’m gonna pontificate about it.

Ok, so: Din and Luke, they’ve got stuff in common.

They both love a hotrod. Luke’s gonna swoon over the N-1 starfighter. Din’s gonna ask if he can try out the X-wing. They’re gonna bore the crap out of everyone but Peli, talking specs over the beer that Luke’s drinking and Din’s got untouched in front of him (because, helmet).

Yeah, Din’s a reluctant hero while Luke’s been a willing one—but by now, Luke’s seen a few things and I bet he’s starting to feel the weight. Bet you they have their moments of commiseration: Oh come on, not me, not again.

Once they’ve committed, though, they’re both reckless as hell. Luke might jump in faster while Din takes a minute, but once they get going neither one of them has much of a sense of self-preservation.

We’ve seen Din be a stone-cold killer, and people like to think of Luke as the gentle one. But Luke didn’t get his Tumblr reputation of “sunshine and tempered death” for nothing. Do not threaten something he cares about, or someone he loves.

Din’s more deadpan and Luke’s more likely to burst out laughing, but I think we’ve seen they each can appreciate the absurd. They’re going to get each other’s jokes.

Bo-Katan and the Armorer? We know less about each of them, I think, but still:

They’ve taken different paths, but their end goals are the same. The Armorer chose stealth and secrecy, keeping the people away from the world that would hurt them, while Bo-Katan chose guerrilla warfare. But they both gave over their lives to preserving what was left of Mandalore.

They’re both extremely skilled fighters, and they both fight with economy and grace. They’re well matched to train together, even if their skills are different.

They’re both intentional leaders. They’ll be able to share notes on the challenges of authority and how to overcome them.

But Din and Bo-Katan? What are people seeing, that makes them think these two should be together?

Bo-Katan obviously cares a lot about her people, but she’s irreverent and sarcastic about Mandalorian culture, too. Din takes it all extremely seriously, to the point of risking his life (more than once) for a point of protocol. They try to get together, they’re gonna drive each other nuts. Especially if they’re trying to raise a kid together.

Bo-Katan plans and strategizes, as she did with building the fleet. Impulse is not really her thing. When have we ever seen Din have a plan that he didn’t make up on the spur of the moment? Imagine them trying to organize a vacation together. Or dinner, even.

The getting-each-other’s-jokes thing. Do they have the same sense of humor? No idea. Does Bo-Katan even have one?

And then there’s the fact that Din promised to serve her. I know a lot of folks thought that was romantic, but I don’t see it. That was a pledge of deference and duty to a military and cultural leader. When Din speaks, he's generally got one of two settings: He's either utterly serious or offering up dry humor. Sure, he's capable of double meanings, but we've only seen him use that against people. It's not a trick for someone he respects. Plus, we never see Bo-Katan offer anything like a pledge to him in return.

Of course, there’s also the fact that my non-shippy heart wants to see more of Din and Grogu’s adventures together, and Din’s development as a parent and as a Mandalorian—and I don’t see any real need to hand him a canon romance. I mean, sure, he’s a bit of a blorbo for me and I want him to be happy. But from a storytelling perspective I just don’t think it’s missing.

[90363462]

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OPINION: Kanye let his antisemitism DESTROY his net worth

OPINION2 WEEKS AGO

OPINION: Kanye let his antisemitism DESTROY his net worth

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Started: “I can say anti-Semitic s—- and Adidas cannot drop me,” said Ye (his legal name now) on the Drink Champs podcast earlier this month. Ye had worked with Adidas since 2013 on his Yeezy line of super expensive, super popular sneakers, and thought he was untouchable like most overpaid, over-indulged “artists.”

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Going, as of Tuesday:

“Immediately” in adidas-speak translates to “a couple of weeks of silence after we originally said we’d review our relationship with Kanye because we had a whole lot of money numbers to crunch.” Karma comes in various guises, and she often travels with her equally stealthy pal, schadenfreude. What you put out there WILL come back to you, even if it does take adidas a full nineteen days to make it happen.

It’s been reported that adidas got an estimated 4% to 8% of its sales from Yeezy products, according to investment bank Cowen. For Ye, it was an even bigger deal, accounting for $1.5 billion of his net worth. But I mean, what’s a Jewish life worth to a sneaker company founded by anti-Semites?

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We’d been seeing accountability for Kanye’s hate speech from plenty of others before adidas finally made its announcement Tuesday morning. Gap, Balenciaga, and Vogue Magazine all announced they were cutting ties with Ye. And now Forbes joins them by dropping him from their Billionaires’ List.

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Hopefully, more artists and sportsball people will end their own relationships with adidas. They only did right by themselves, and the last time I checked, there are other companies that make sneakers and track pants. BYE, YE!

Tara Dublin is a woefully underappreciated and unrepresented writer currently shopping a super cool novel that has nothing to do with politics while also fighting fascism on the daily.

Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks.

Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.

TARA DUBLIN

TARA DUBLIN IS A WOEFULLY UNREPRESENTED WRITER WHO THINKS MORE PEOPLE WOULD READ HER COOL ROCK & ROLL LOVE STORY INSPIRED BY DAVE GROHL THAN ANY GHOSTWRITTEN GOP CRAPBOOK, AGENTS & PUBLISHERS. FOLLOW TARA ON TWITTER @TARADUBLINROCKS

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OPINIONOPINION: Kanye let his antisemitism DESTROY his net worthOctober 25, 2022

Kanye West lost his adidas contract and his spot on the Forbes 400 on the same day due to his very public bigotry.

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3' 

NEWS ANALYSIS

TRUMP HOPELESS: House Select Committee interviews Hope Hicks

TARA DUBLINOCTOBER 25, 2022

Former Ralph Lauren model Hope Hicks, who served as Donald Trump’s communications director, was meeting with the January 6th House Select Committee, CNN reported Tuesday morning. NBC also confirmed the meeting, although the panel hasn’t yet released a statement regarding her cooperation.

Hicks, who was one of Trump’s closest confidantes in his White House, previously refused to answer questions about working for Trump when she testified before lawmakers behind closed doors in 2019.

New: Hope Hicks, a former top Trump White House aide, is scheduled to sit for a transcribed interview with the House Jan. 6 committee today, per person familiar — Luke Broadwater☀️ (@lukebroadwater) October 25, 2022

Hicks, a personal favorite of Trump’s, served in multiple senior roles in Trump’s White House for most of his lone term but left the White House six days after the January 6th insurrection. She had previously served as White House communications director as well as director of strategic communications. Prior to her roles at the White House, Hicks worked for Trump’s presidential campaign, the Trump Organization, and Ivanka Trump’s fashion brand.

Trump blamed the military and law enforcement for giving Hope Hicks covid pic.twitter.com/LxPkRZskQA — MeidasTouch (@MeidasTouch) October 2, 2020

Throughout its investigation, the January 6th Committee conducted interviews with numerous key Trump officials and cronies such as former Attorney General Bill Barr, former Chief of Staff aide Cassidy Hutchinson, and Virginia “Ginni” Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. The Justice Department, which is in the middle of its own January 6th investigation, has also sought the cooperation of Trump aide Kash Patel and Trump’s former “Diet Coke” valet, Walt Nauta.

If you missed it, I wrote a short Thread about Walt Nauta the Diet Coke Man of Trump and Kash Patel. What is this 'news' about them being squeezed? That story is obvious SPIN. Do not fall for spin. We have seen this movie too many times… https://t.co/eRldHaxnTe — Tomi T Ahonen Standing With Ukraine (@tomiahonen) October 25, 2022

Trump and his legal team have yet to announce whether he will cooperate with the January 6th Committee’s subpoena, with the Dhillon Law Group set to mediate his interactions with the committee. Meanwhile, the panel has cited precedents to argue it has the authority to subpoena Trump, and Vice Chair Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY) has already said the Committee is prepared if Trump refuses to comply.

.@CheriJacobus .@glennkirschner2.@B52Malmet .@JudyPete.@BadBradRSR .@jennycohn1 When asked if she thought Trump would honor the 1/6 Committee subpoena, Nancy Pelosi's response, 'He's not man enough." pic.twitter.com/5FXMY4zn8x — ChattJazz 🇺🇦 ☮️ 🌻 (@ChattJazz) October 24, 2022

Other witnesses such as Steve Bannon and Peter Navarro who have defied committee subpoena demands have faced contempt of Congress charges.

#HopeHicks “shaking hands” with Chester the Molester. #TawdryTraitorspic.twitter.com/CfPVO7RbOR — Dave • 🇺🇸🇺🇦🇵🇱🇩🇪🇬🇧Veterans for Joe (@dave911rsr) October 25, 2022

[This is a developing story, please check back for updates on Hope Hicks and her testimony in the days ahead]

Follow Tara Dublin on Twitter @taradublinrocks.

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[geeky-politics-46]

Deserve Better

Smut - Explicit content - NSFW - 18+ only!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Another blow to your confidence tips you over the edge when a guy ditches you. Bucky is determined to show you that you derserve so much better.

Warnings: Smut (NSFW) - 18+ ONLY - oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk, pet names, language, alcohol use, negative self image, general filth

More of this story than I would like to admit is based on real experience, at least all the crappy stuff. Alcohol was involved while writing. I suck at spelling & grammar but correct things as I find them. Hope you enjoy the results of my shitty evening.

Well this felt really pathetic. If you started crying could this count as a temper tantrum not a breakdown? You didn't really get stood up or dumped. Your friends with benefits bailed on you... Again.

You weren't mad. He had given you good reasons. Granted you had no idea if they were true or not, but if they were they were reasons you would have cited too.

You were diaappointed though. You had pretty much given up on dating, it seemed the only guys who were ever interested were nut jobs or people you would have to be paid to touch, & you didn't do one night stands. They just didn't feel safe. So this had been your last chance to get laid for a few months. You had also passed up the chance to go to a Rangers game to meet up with your FWB.

You sat waiting for your to-go order running through the options in your head, quickly realizing your best option was once again your vibrator. You inwardly sighed as you threw down the rest of your gin & tonic way too fast. You realized you were actually sick of fucking yourself, the thought of another night with your own hand & even your favorite toy made you groan, & not in a good way.

The waiter dropped your bag next to you & you paid for your drink. You tipped an extra dollar since he was nice enough to ignore that you probably looked like you were about to cry when you had ordered it.

As you were pulling a couple ones out of your wallet a cute-ish seeming guy came in by himself. Clearly from out of town with a slight European accent. You figured what the hell? & said hi pulling out your flirty yet coy smile. He totally ignored you.

Well that was close enough to 3 strikes you're out. You tilted your glass as far back as you could, hoping for even the tiniest amount of gin, & grabbed you bag of food. You headed back to the tower with your tail tucked between your legs, pity tears pickling at your eyes, & your new lingerie you had bought just because feeling like it was an irritant on your skin.

At least it was windy. You could play off the stray tear as being caused by that or picking at your mascara. Your only stop was a drugstore where you grabbed a bottle of wine.

As you stepped into the elevator you opened the twist top on the glass bottle & let the first couple real tears fall. All your life you had never felt good enough, pretty enough. You were never anyone's first choice. Now you weren't even good enough to just screw & leave.

You didn't think you were asking a lot, you really didn't care if this ever became anything beyond sex. But for the first time in your life, at nearly 32, you were finally having good sex. The thought of going another 4 years, your longest dry spell, untouched made you want to throw yourself off the roof.

Thank God the elevator doors opened & pulled you from your own destructive thoughts. There was no one in the living room or the kitchen & it was basically silent, because of course it was. It was a Friday night & everyone had their own things to do. So you wandered into the kitchen grabbed a fork from the utensil drawer & the new pack of AA batteries from the junk drawer.

Sinking into the couch you displayed your sad little picnic on the coffee table in front of you. Burger & fries, screw top wine bottle already part way empty, & batteries that were now your date for the night. You collapsed forward onto your own thighs letting your arms wirelessly drape over so your knuckles brushed the floor & sighed in complete defeat before muttering a "just kill me" into your leggings.

Sure you wanted a relationship, not necessarily with your FWB, but you were also very aware that beggers can't be choosers. You were a begger & you always had been, which is why you were where you were now. Horny, a little drunk, & on the verge of tears.

"But what if I kinda like having you around?" A deep but light hearted voice answered you softly from the hallway. Clearly trying not to startle you. Ending his statement with a chuckle, seemingly to apologize for eavesdropping.

With a groan you lifted your upper body back up to a seated position before flopping back into back of the couch. Looking up at the man who had spoke you felt your heart lift slightly. You should have guessed Bucky would be there. He wssn't a big fan of going out on the weekends, there were too many people out.

He cautiously moved forward, not 100% sure if he was welcome or not. You noticed his hesitancy & moved a few inches to your right signalling it was fine to join you. To reinforce your comfort with him joining you you told him "sorry Buck, if I knew you were here I would have gotten you food, but you can have mine if you want. I'm not that hungry anymore. Just don't touch my wine."

You forced a small laugh past your lips & tried not to come off too sad. As he sat down next to you, Bucky wasn't buying it. He could see the pain in your eyes. He wanted you to tell him what was wrong. He wanted you to tell him everything.

He knew you had plans tonight with that guy, the one that he really didn't like, but now you were here with tears in your eyes. He wanted to punch him for putting that look on your face. You had told Bucky you had no intention of getting serious with this guy, that you were friends from forever ago, that it just made you feel good someone was actually interested in you that way. You said you were so sick of dating & heartbreak, you just wanted to have fun. Well you didn't look like you were having much fun, & it didn't look like you felt particularly good. That tore him up inside.

You curled your legs up underneath you & pulled the blanket off the back of the couch onto your shoulders. You tried to ignore the way Bucky kept glancing at you as he picked at the fries. Every couple minutes he would hold one out to you & you would accept it. Eventually you softened enough that you finally said with a little bit of a shaky breath "he bailed on me at the last minute, again."

All Bucky could do was nod in understanding & turn to look at you. You were still staring at your hands, tears sparkling at the corners of your eyes. Finally letting them fall as you spoke again.

"I'm now consistently getting blown off by my friend with benefits. I can't even keep a guy interested when the only thing I'm asking him for is sex. How pathetic is that? I'm not even good enough to just be a regular fuck buddy for someone I guess."

You choked back a small sob. It wasn't about that particular guy, it was about all of them. How they had all beaten you down & made you feel worthless.

You had confided in Bucky one night after a particularly terrible date how you hadn't even gone on a date until college. That you had spent so much time watching all the other girls in high school get asked on dates, go to dances, & fall in love. While you were left to wonder what was so wrong with you. It's a wonder you had managed to lose your virginity at 19. Especially considering only one other guy had even so much as kissed you before that.

You had spent all your life being the girl who felt passed over, so when the opportunity of having a friend with benefits opened up you jumped at it. Not that you were overly attracted to the guy, which in a sex only relationship was a good thing, but you felt desired & that felt great. It was also the best sex, & really the only good sex, you'd ever had. So you put up with all the little inequalities & things.

Bucky wanted to grab you & hold you. Tell you how much time he spent thinking about you. Wanting you. How you deserved so much more. How he wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to give that to you.

The straw the finally broke the camel's back was when you stood up to go to your room. The wine bottle now mostly empty but most of the food still untouched. You shrugged off the blanket as you got up & started to wiggle your shoulders & reach back behind you with Bucky watching on in confusion.

"You wanna know the really pathetic thing? If it weren't for the fact that he's the only guy who's ever made me cum I don't think I'd put up with it... Or spend the money. There's $75 I'm never gonna see again." You chuckled in absurdity as you pulled your bra out through your sleeve & let the metallic maroon lace dangle from your fingers.

You said goodnight & shuffled away to your room dragging the see through bra behind you, leaving Bucky a jumble of emotions. On one hand he genuinely cared for you. In truth he was head over heels for you, & he didn't want to leave you feeling so down on yourself. You were kind, & smart, & funny, & my god you were so sexy.

He was also furious that not only had all these other guys treated you so badly, apparently they couldn't even mange to please you either. You were overdo probably at least a couple thousand orgasms & Bucky would happily give his right arm to be the one to remedy that.

Between your admission that none of your worthless ex's could make you cum & pulling your bra off like some dirty magic trick Bucky was also now really turned on. He didn't want to seem like he was taking advantage of you, especially since he really wanted you to be his girl, but he wanted you so bad right now. He looked at the table trying to formulate what to do.

The batteries. You had probably meant to take them with you. He could bring them to you. Although if his plan didn't work & he had to listen to you play with yourself with that fucking toy tonight thru the wall he might just explode. His hand lingered over the packet, it was now or never.

Before he could second guess himself he snatched the packet & quickly walked down the hall to your door. Knocking on the door before his brain could register the sound of the shower from the other side. He cringed as he heard you sniffle fumbling toward the door, cursing as you tripped over something before opening it

"Sorry for interrupting. You... You forgot these." He extended his vibranium hand & you noticed the batteries. Truth be told you had forgotten about them completely. You had been wrapped up in thinking about the man that now stood in front of you. You adored Bucky, but you didn't want to jeopardize your friendship when you were sure he didn't feel the same way. Secretly you dreamed of him whisking you off your feet like your very own Prince Charming, but you wouldn't take the risk of losing him completely. 

Now here you were, with your dream guy standing at your door. In your grungy sweatshirt, fancy new very tiny lace panties, & mascara tinted tears on your face. You moved back from the door & sat on the edge of your bed pulling your hands into your sleeves & staring at your fingers. You let the dark thoughts take over.

"Thanks you can just throw them on my nightstand. Umm.... Can I ask you a question Buck? As a guy... What's wrong with me? Why am I so unwantable? What makes me so unsexy? It's not even about him, I just..."

You finally broke. Dissolving into sobs completely forgetting the shower running. You held one hand to your face, trying to hide, & wrapped your other right around your waist.

Bucky's heart shattered & he scrambled into the room shutting the door behind him. Dropping to kneel in front of you, sliding your legs apart to slot himself between them without even thinking. He grabbed your hands away from your body & cradled your face in his hands. Quietly shushing you & kissing the tears away from your cheeks. Trying his best to soothe & calm you.

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me sweetheart. There is not a god damn thing wrong with you, y/n. It's all those fucking guys that have something wrong with them. Okay? I wish I knew what to tell you to make you believe this, but you are so fucking sexy & incredible. Any guy that doesn't spend every moment of everyday wanting you is insane or stupid. I can't stand to hear you talk like this, watch you feel like this. I wish you could see what I see."

He pulled you flush to his chest & let you wrap your arms tight around his neck, fingernails digging into his shoulders. He let you heave & squeak out a few more sobs into his neck, complete with several hiccups & hurried anxious breaths. He rocked you side to side, gently kissed your head, & tried to hold back his own tears. His heart ached for you, to love you, & he had let you down by even letting you feel this way in the first place.

Your breathing slowly leveled out & your arms released their death grip. Bucky let you pull back from his chest & pressed his forehead to your's. Your eyes puffy & your cheeks red. He had to tell you how he loved you. He had to show you how amazing & beautiful you were. Hopefully you would let him. Even if it was only for the night, he was determined to make you feel like the goddess you were to him.

Your soft sniffles continued & your eyes were still closed, but the tears had now subsided. He let his hands slide from your waist to the outside of your thighs rubbing his thumbs up & down against your soft skin. He suddenly became aware that he was on his knees between your bare legs, a place he thought he would only dream of ever getting to be. He started to speak & he knew there was no stopping.

"Listen I know that you are in a bad frame of mind right now, & I need you to know that I would never take advantage of you. If you tell me to leave I will. Just say the word. But... I want you to know that I mean every word okay? You are the sexiest woman in the world & you drive me absolutely insane. You have no idea how bad I want you. All you have to do is smile at me & I turn to goo. You can be dressed up or in this ratty sweatshirt & all I want to do is take you to bed & worship you. When you pulled that trick with your bra out there, oh my god, I nearly passed out with how fast my blood left my brain."

That statement made you giggle. It was only then that you realized you were holding your breath. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. This couldn't be happening. It was too perfect. You let your hands rest on the back of his neck & play with his short chestnut brown hair. The muscles of your stomach clenched & your heart jumped when his fingertips pressed into your hips just below the thin waistband of your panties.

"It's not just physically either. I mean you are fucking gorgeous but God I love all of you so much, y/n. Your sense of humor, the way you think, the way you get along with everyone. I can't believe I'm actually telling you this, but I love you & I have loved you for so long. It has killed me watching you be with all those idiots. The fact that they made you feel this way, & didn't even put your pleasure first, makes me want to rip them limb from limb. You deserve so much better than them, you deserve so much better than me. You deserve the entire fucking universe at your feet. Right now I don't care if I'm making the biggest mistake ever & if you never want to even look at me after this, but please even just for the night, let me show you how much I love you & how incredible you are. Please just let me make love to you. Let me make you feel good. Let me try to give you what you deserve."

Your eyes had opened at some point during his confession & you were now staring deep into his gentle blue eyes. You bit your bottom lip as you gazed at him looking for any hint of hesitation or lies. You found none.

"Please y/n, just say something. You're killing me here." He pleaded, trying to steal his feelings. Now fearing the worst.

You moved your face just a little bit closer to his & began to pull his body into you. "Yes please Bucky. Make love to me."

Your mouths finally met in a soft but passionate kiss. His plump lips running over yours slowly caressing your skin. His tongue slow slid against your bottom lip asking to deepen the kiss, to let him in. You quickly obliged & he began to massage your tongue with his.

As you pulled apart you both panted out of breath. Pressing light kisses on each other & nuzzling your faces together it was your turn to confess.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I love you too Buck. I just thought there was no way you could love me."

He moved his hands to grip your ass & yanked you forward on the mattress. Groaning as he felt your bare ass cheeks separate by the delicate lace g-string. "I'm gonna spend all night showing you how much I love you, y/n. I'm gonna make you cum so many times you will forget anyone else exists."

He smashed his lips to yours & began clawing at the plush flesh of your hips. He pulled your sweatshirt over your head leaving you in just your panties. He dropped his gaze to look down at your body & inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of your warm body & your now apparent arousal for him. The sound of him making you nipples stiffen in anticipation.

Bucky began placing hungry open mouthed kisses up & down your neck & throat as you wrapped your legs around his waist making his hips start to grind against you. You could feel his large hard bulge through the rough material of his jeans & the feeling of it only spurred you on. Your hands scraping up his side's to pull his shirt off.

"You are so sexy Bucky." You marveled at his body as you ran your hands up & down his chest. He smiled & sweetly kissed your lips.

"You're sexier baby. Now, since you've already got the shower running, why don't we go clean up before we run out of hot water. Plus if we keep going like this I'm gonna rip these tiny fucking panties right off of you, & if I remember right you said they weren't cheap."

Moaning at his suggestion you looked at him through lust heavy eyelids, now blissfully unaware of your smudged makeup. You nodded enthusiastically & squeaked in surprise as he effortlessly hoisted you up off the mattress, his hands under your thighs & carried you into the bathroom that was now clouded with steam.

He gently lowered you to your feet. Taking his time as his hands caressed slowly up your body. He looked at you like you were a precious piece of art. Your mouth fell open & you stood speechless at the man before you who in a single moment in a single touch had nurtured your heart, your mind, & your body in a way no one ever had.

He softly pressed his lips to yours as he pulled your hair loose & brushed it back. He started making his way down your body. Pressing kiss after kiss to your skin that was now buzzing like a live wire.

First he kissed your neck & whispered in your ear how beautiful you were. Then your collarbone, the top of each breast & between them. He let his lips ghost over your nipples without providing direct stimulation. He chuckled as you whined in protest & tried to angle a nipple back towards his mouth.

He pressed his face to the center of your ribcage & gently scolded you, "not just yet babydoll. I wanna take my time with you." Once he had reached your hips he kissed the top of each hipbine before placed a kiss right onto your mound over your panties.

Hooking his thumb under each side strap he gazed up & you for permission to take them off. You let your hands thread through his hair & whispered "please Buck".

He gave you a lopsided slightly goofy grin & said "as incredibly sexy as these are doll, & I definitely want to see you in the whole set sometime, I think you will be fucking delicious with them off." With that he slowly slid them down your legs, pausing momentarily as the wet fabric separated from your slick pussy. A groan was pulled deep from somewhere in his chest as he got his first good view of your sex. You were soaked.

"So wet doll. Can't wait to taste you later. All this really for me?" He inhaled your sweet scent & had to fight the urge to devour you right then & there. He dropped your panties to the floor & you stepped out of them as he stood back up bringing his hand to pop the button & pull down the fly of his jeans.

You took his hands & moved them to your waist before taking over where he had left off. Sliding your hands inside the denim fabric at his sides & catching your thumb in the waistband of his boxer briefs you tilted your head up & whispered into his throat. "All for you Buck. Just for you."

Placing a wet sucking kiss on his Adam's apple as you pushed the fabric of both layers down his muscular frame. Feeling the resistance of his hard cock against the elastic band of his underwear, you dropped your head down to see him as he sprung free. You both gasped in unison, him at the delicious bit of friction & you at the magnificent sight of him bare before you.

Dragging your fingers across his low belly you let yourself run your hand along the underside of his thick cock before stroking him up & down several times. As if reading your mind he leaned down to whisper in your ear "All for you babydoll. All because of you." & placed a kiss on the sweet spot under your lobe. 

Relishing each other's touch for a moment longer you stood on the balls of your feet & sunk into his kiss once more. As an anxious as you were for him to take you straight to bed you did want to wash the lingering stress from your body. So you reluctantly pulled apart & stepped into the shower under the warm water with Bucky's firm body pressed up behind you.

Between the heat of the water & the comfort of Bucky's arms around you, your muscles melted & you immediately felt even better. You grabbed your face wash & proceeded to scrub the remainder of ruined makeup for your eyes & cheeks.

Bucky's lips had yet to stop dragging along the skin of your neck, shoulders, & upper back. One flesh palm & one vibranium held tight against the curve of your soft stomach. If this was any other man you would cringe & move his hands away from your most insecure spot, but with Bucky it felt right. You extended your arms backwards to give his thighs a squeeze, telling him to soften his grasp momentarily so could reach to grab the body wash.

He gladly obliged & grabbed the bottle from your delicate fingers. He deftly flipped the cap & squirted a line of gel down the center of your torso. Your hands met & spread the slick substance over your frame in tandem. The heady scent of berries, patchouli, rose, & amber quickly enveloped you both adding to the eroticism.

His large hands groped & kneaded your breasts. For the first time his fingers began to toy with your nipples. Swirling the pads of his fingers around them before gently pinching them. The sweet sudden pressure caused your hips to buck back grinding your ass against him. His now leaking head making contact with your low back & his shaft sliding between your cheeks.

The touch of him so needy against you sparked a flame in your chest & you spun around in his arms to face him. You spent several more minutes running the fragrant suds over each other, seemingly trying to memorize the curves & planes of each other's bodies. Lips locked in heated contact.

It was you who reached the end of your rope first, pulling him under the stream to rinse you both as you began to beg him for more.

"Please James, I can't wait any longer. I need you to fuck me."

Between hearing you call him by his real name, & your desperate plea for him, his own resolve snapped. Quickly turning off the water & grabbing a towel to hurriedly dry you both. He picked you up once more, your legs wrapping around him & your dripping cunt pressed to his abdomen, & he carried you to your bed.

He laid you down on the soft blankets like you were a priceless piece of porcelain & gingerly lowered his large frame to rest on top of you. Your legs spreading open to slot his body flush against you.

He let his weight balance on his vibranium forearm & ran his flesh fingers over the curves of your right side. Cutting across the crease of your hip he stopped just short of where you body was screaming for his touch. He locked eyes with you one more time to confirm that  you still wanted this. That you still wanted him. As if there was any stopping the cascade of need for each other that had been set in motion.

You brushed your thumb across his cheek & grinned with a single nod. With that his fingers finally slid past your mound & down to caress the supple wet lips of your pussy. Initially ghosting over them with a single digit, but on feeling how drenched you were Bucky moaned a breathy "fuck" & pressed 3 fingers firmly to your slit.

The pressure he finally made against your cunt caused your back to arch & your eyes to snap shut. You legs pulled back farther to grant your soldier even better access to your sex & your hips were starting to rut against his fingertips. Bucky couldn't help but smile, never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought you would react like this to his touch.

He gently slid his long middle finger inside you as he brought his thumb to dance along the edges of your clit. He wanted to memorize every noise you made, from the whimpers coming from your plush lips to the wet suctioning against his finger each time it plunged back into you.

Without any warning he added his index finger to action, feeling your tight hole stretch to accommodate his second finger had his own control hanging by a thread. His vibranium hand gripping onto the pillow beneath your head.

"Fuck so tight babydoll." He praised under his breath as he bit his lower lip trying to keep focused on the pleasure he was wringing from you.

He quickly added his ring finger to his assault. Dragging all 3 three fingers in & out of your fluttering heat as he let his thumb draw more direct circles on your now throbbing clit. He could tell you were quickly hurtling towards the point of no return as he added a flick upwards in his wrist.

"Oh god Buck! Gonna cum, don't stop. Fuck yes James. Please don't stop!"

You now gazed slack jawed back into his sparkling blue eyes that were entirely focused on seeing you fall apart beneath him. Eyes that belonged to the sweetest man you had ever met, who was now responsible for the filthiest noises falling from your lips. You couldn't help but plead for him not to stop as your body began shaking & squeezing his fingers even tighter. Letting the wave of your orgasm crash against you.

You let him coax you back down slowly, stroking your hair with his metal finger tips as his flesh ones began to still inside you. Placing small kisses on your lips as fingers slipped from your wet depths, teasing along your now swollen sensitive pussy feeling how your orgasm had left you dripping. The thought that he was responsible for your wrecked state made a pride flourish in his chest.

Making sure you were watching his movements, he pulled his fingers to his mouth & took his time licking your juices from each one. It may only be his first real taste of you, but he knew right then that he would never get enough.

The sight of Bucky savoring the taste of your cunt on his fingers was almost too much to take. You felt empty & the only thing that could possibly make you feel full was Bucky's cock. You slid your hand down his sculpted abdomen & trailed a finger around his swollen leaking head working to spred his pre-cum around his ridge before closing your hand around his thick shaft & starting to pump him.

The feeling of him made your mouth water & your walls clench in anticipation. His cock was perfectly veined & silky to the touch. So solid & thick your fingers barely touched when wrapped around him. He began to needily thrust up into your fist when you added a twist at the end of each stroke. When he started to whimper you released his shaft & started to roll his balls between your fingers.

He eventually pulled your hands away from his cock & pinned them to the bed beside your head. He pressed his forehead to yours in between slow deep kisses as he tried to gather his composure. Panting as he looked at you laid out under him.

"I wanted to take my time with you doll, make you cum over & over before I let myself fuck you. Make you see stars with my fingers & my tongue, god so many times with my tongue, before I let you have my cock. But, fuck, you & this pretty little pussy are driving me nuts here. Don't think I can wait any longer."

You wrapped your legs around his hips & pulled his pelvis down to yours, managing to angle your hips just right so the tip of his cock was slotted just inside your opening.

"Then don't wait Bucky. Fuck me." Your expression softened for a moment, from one of passion to one of love, & you added, "wanna be your girl Buck."

Without a moment's hesitation he plunged his cock all the way inside of you. Eliciting a moan from both of you. Bracing & holding himself in place while your body adjusted to the stretch of him. While he waited he cupped your cheek with his left palm, the coolness of the vibranium a sharp contrast from the rest of his body.

"I've dreampt of hearing you say that. My girl."

Bucky placed one last sweet kiss on your lips before he started slowly thrusting in & out of you. Each push & pull dragging deliciously against your walls allowing you to feel every milimeter he gave you. Slowing all the more as the top of his cock head slid against your g-spot.

"Oh god Buck, you're so big. So fucking deep! Fuck me harder baby!"

You were gripping onto his shoulders, burying your face into his scar where his metal arm connected to his body. Making a conscious effort to place extra licks & kisses along the mared skin to show him how much you loved even the spot he sometimes hated.

"Yeah? You want it harder doll? Here I wanted to be all soft & sweet with you the first time. Should have known you were really a dirty little girl. Let me hear you baby. Tell me how my princess wants me to fuck her tight little pussy."

He punctuated his statement with a bite your neck & started thrusting harder into you, but he purposely kept his pace slow to let you get your words out. Even though he wanted to plow you into next week.

"Soft & sweet later James, right now I want it hard & fast. Been teasing me all night. Turning me into your little slut. You know what you're doing to me. Fuck me hard."

Bucky moaned loudly into your neck the moment he heard you call yourself his little slut. It took every ounce of strength he had not to cum right there. You were an absolute minx & he was the luckiest son of a bitch alive.

"Well if you're my little slut then why am I doing all the work?" He quickly rolled so you were on top of him & before you could react he brought his right hand to slap your ass.

"Now be a good little slut & ride my cock. Take what you want baby. Make yourself cum & let me watch. There's my good girl."

Bucky had been so incredible to you already, even though you knew your night was no where near over, you wanted to give him a good show. You sat up nice & straight as you started to bounce on him. Letting your breasts jiggle up & down as the sound of you ass hitting his thighs richoted around the room.

You rolled your hips forward & backward as you rode his cock creating an extra friction on your clit. When that friction started to build & throb you let your head drop back & your eyes squeeze closed. Your hips thrust faster & shallower as you chased your orgasm.

Little squeaks & grunts coming from your lips as you fucked yourself on Bucky's cock. Your body was thrown over the cliff's edge as you felt his hips buck up from underneath you & your weight fell forward onto his chest as you shuttered & wailed.

He kept fucking you through your orgasm, thrusting into you from below. Each time his tip brushed your sweet spot a new firework burst behind your eyelids. Your mewls & whines pushing him right to his edge & he was chanting "so close baby."

As you started to come down you wanted to feel him even closer. Knowing his orgasm was just around the corner you wrapped your arms under his neck & pressed your lips to his ear as you whispered "Cum in my pussy James. Want you to fill me up."

Something snapped in Bucky's brain when you said that. Something animal took over & he threw you hard on your back before frantically rutting into you like his very life depended on it. His face was pressed into your neck & his teeth clenched when you heard him growl as he came.

Feeling his thick warm cum fill you spray by spray you sighed in pleasure & wiggled your hips to milk even more from him. Cooing in his ear about how good it felt being full of his cum, & it did.

He slowly leaned back & pulled himself from your body much to your reluctance. Watching as his cum began to trickle from you. He grabbed his shirt off the floor from were you had thrown it earlier & quickly wiped you down. It wasn't the best job but it was good enough for now. He wanted to hold you for a bit before either of you did anything else.

He dropped the shirt back to the side & pulled you tight to his chest. He knew what you said about being his girl, but his mind kept telling him maybe you just said it in the heat of the moment. So as you snuggled into his chest eyes closed with a content smile he began to open & close his mouth like a fish gasping for air.

From your comfy spot you said with a chuckle "I smell the gears starting to smoke Buck. Stop worrying. I meant it. I wanna be your girl. It took you long enough to ask."

You lifted your head up & kissed him. Staring into his eyes once more. Both full of passion & boyish charm. He couldn't help but a sheepish shrug & replied "well, I thought you deserve better than me."

Tilting his chin up slightly with your index finger you answered, "James Buchanan Barnes, there is no one better for me than you. I love you Bucky."

A genuine smile crossed Bucky's face & after so long the feeling of being honestly happy & in love felt brand new again. It was a feeling he could get used to.

"I love you more, y/n."

[trickfootpike]

OKAYOKAYOKAY now that i've had a few nights to Ruminate here are way too many thoughts from 9/16's show -- fair warning that they aren't *super* coherent as a lot of this i just tried to loosely organize from dms i threw at folks night-of, but it is most of what i remember sticking out to me!

GENERAL THOUGHTS --

last saw the show in august of 2019 - back then i saw it up in the mezzanine, this time i was 7 rows back dead center in the middle of the orchestra. watching the show from the mezzanine feels like a god's eye view of the show while sitting up close in the orchestra is much more like being in the world of men, and how it hits in hadestown particularly is just nuts bc you really do feel like you're on the factory floor.

back in the London production i remember eva playing eurydice with more youth and hope to her, and when the show came to Broadway eurydice hardened. in a world with a pandemic eva seems to have actually shifted this back! Eurydice is still holding tightly onto Orpheus Knowing that the world is unlikely to be kind enough to let them have each other for long but she starts off less faithless than she used to, I suppose I would describe it? she's definitely played more open with others from the beginning rather than having it be something she has to really work towards!

WAIT FOR ME IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT FEELING FROM THE ORCHESTRA THAN THE MEZZANINE AND NOT JUST THE LAMPS. the lamps really only swing out to over the first 2 rows, speaking very generously, anyway. what i remember being most impactful from last time was how the whole theater rumbled as the walls of the set split to reveal hadestown. what i couldn't see and afaik no boot's been able to pick up is the the set ALSO SPLITS AND STRETCHES OPEN AT THE TOP. that awning that covers the balcony lifts and the wall of hadestown is revealed to stretch floor to ceiling and it is just so much, so fucking much oh my god i could not stop hysterically blubbering to myself watching hadestown stretch open like it is absolutely here to devour you whole. it makes you feel the immensity of The Wall. I've linked ig videos of the set pre act 1 and post intermission to give like the best perspective on it i can and tried to film them so they were zoomed as closely as to what my eyes were seeing as I could, but here are also some pictures!

PRE ACT ONE

INTERMISSION

after our lady of the underground when eurydice comes back from hades' office and Persephone is finishing with her show, me being closer this time i was actually able to see amber's face during way down hadestown ii and flowers. and how she portrays seph's feelings re eurydice, it's like : genuine concern and watching over her when she first starts on the line, Quiet Seething and Jealous Rage as the fates' tattle "Hades put his hands on ya" that sticks for a While including the first half of flowers, but as soon as eurydice remembers the meadow her and Orpheus visited her heart just b r e a k s and you can see her wiping away tears. seph's just so caught in her own feelings of helplessness in hadestown. when hades tells her to stay out of him dealing with Orpheus all the fight just deflates out of her and the direct accusing look Orpheus gives her at the end of if it's true mixed with seeing his effect on the workers makes her physically rear back like she's gotten the fight slapped back into her

even with this audience who almost for sure has all seen ht before, there was still the loudest heartbroken gasp when orpheus turned. i know everyone calls this out but it still hit me hard that with a greater percentage of previous viewers in the audience it still hit us all like a fucking brick

and ofc. road to hell ii. it's a millions times more impactful than it already was what with the pandemic, making it through hard times and how they could be hard again but making the best of them even if it doesn't turn out well this time either. i was crying so hard last time but this time i was crying harder but also feeling like a huge weight was being like, very softly cradled in my chest to take some of the burden away

TOM'S HADES/HADES AND PERSEPHONE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS --

Tom's Hades whole tl;dr could be that Hades is a Performance. all those descriptions of him beign "jazzy" and "egodriven" are correct, but there is also this massive vibe he gives off that all his showmanship is there as a cover up for the very pessimistic man at the core of him. when him and persephone are getting along the jazziness is there for genuine playfulness with her, but apart from seph it is a purposeful exaggeration on hades' part to get Whatever it is that he wants. he is playing up aggression as king (see papers) and what he thinks as being suave (see hey little songbird) to maintain his throne and his marriage, and Epic III is the Destruction of that performance. Tom's Hades at the end of Epic III isn't trying to sell anyone anything, you just get to see the suddenly very scared and unsure heart of the man behind the performance of foreman and king. And oh boy is Tom's Hades at his heart unsure. He is so fucking pessimistic; back in Act 1 when Orpheus starts to sing Epic I he turns from Persephone even before she gets reminded of the world above and starts longing for it, because he already expects to see it coming and he doesn't turn back to her Ever Again, literally until he comes to get her in Way Down Hadestown. Not even when she gives him a kiss on the cheek goodbye. His Kiss, The Riot is him trying to figure out how the hell he's gonna be able to rebuild his performance after his whole kingdom saw through it, but he also ends it being so very certain that the deal he figures out for Orpheus Will end with Orpheus failing somehow. There is no doubt in this very pessimistic Hades that doubt will come in, whereas Patrick used the end of His Kiss The Riot almost like he was desperately trying to justify that his doubt came to him only in Persephone's absence

road to hell i: tom's hades loves cheering on the band so much he is Part Of The Problem that Hermes has to get to chill out and it makes so much sense for this jazzy dramatic motherfucker

balcony time (road to hell i until livin' it up on top): when they were upstairs playing dominoes they kept laying their tiles with these overexaggerated movements.. Like when they actually getting along they are so damn flirty and trying so hard to make each other smile and laugh and it is TOO CUTE

way down hadestown: Once Again "I missed ya" gives me no rest, mostly because Tom delivered it with this super coy and cocky grin and Amber immediately smiled back at him like Persephone couldn't help herself

chant i: is spent with him looking up proud into his creation while persephone is looking down with heartbreak and disgust seeing the workers as people in suffering and the ugliness of hadestown. as the song goes on he gets increasingly frustrated like a child who's super proud of the drawing he brought home from school that Persephone has nothing but terrible things to say about. when eurydice starts singing about her suffering seph throws out her arm and points to her like "see! See what you're doing!!" while hades is more in himself processing his disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, but over the next minute you start to see him Formulating A Plan as he watches eurydice. but he doesn't look entirely sold on going through with it until seph throws out her last verse in disgust. it was absolutely the straw that broke the camel's back.

hey little songbird: THO IT SOUNDS SO SEDUCTIVE ON AUDIO. OML DOES IT LEAN INTO EURYDICE'S "STRANGE MAN" DESCRIPTOR. HADES IS LIKE THE CREEPY SALESMAN ON THE CORNER WITH WATCHES AND A TRENCHCOAT. BUT HE'S SELLING HIS SHIT WELL, HE'S JUST ALSO A WEIRDO

Why We Build The Wall/"Behind Closed Doors": That followup on hades' threat when eurydice arrives in hadestown. as hades goes to the stairs he like not whacks, but definitely nudges seph's arm harder than Patrick does to get her attention. when he did she Startled and laid her hand over her arm where he'd tapped her like she was overwhelmed by just that touch........ but then she turns around and watches him take Eurydice up and when he opens his coat and she Realizes you see her whole body go slack. once eurydice goes past the office doors hades turns and lingers staring pointedly down at seph, for *seconds* whereas with patrick i remember it being more of a pointed glance. it drills home that hades is doing this specifically to spite seph and he wants her to know it. and you can see amber discreetly wipe her face before she turns back to "does anybody want a DRINK." there's less direct seduction between hades and eurydice but more explicit threat between hades and seph about eurydice

papers: actually isn't too much Bastärde as it is his Performance. HOWEVER, the way he directs the workers to beat Orpheus is chilling. Like patrick he hangs around, but he's watching until the last 10 seconds so it's way longer. And he makes like the smallest gestures with his hand to direct the workers to the different stages of beating Orpheus, fuck it was twisted

how long: how long actually starts with seph and hades seemingly coming to each other on a similar page - hades came out pensively fiddling with his wedding ring and Amber delivered "I know" like seph was already past the eurydice situation. this also could have been a product of time and seeing how actually little he did "seducing" eurydice lmao

chant ii: very much Hades Sees Orpheus As A Threat™️ (more on this further below) , also dare i say it but tom kills I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY

epic iii: oh man oh man. he looks so untouched until Orpheus starts the lalas and he goes from completely passive unimpressed face to like. his body unfolds on his stool and his hands go slack and he looked between Orpheus and Persephone when he asked where Orpheus had gotten his melody. he asked it a lot softer than I expected him too as well. a big part of the audience actually laughed when Hades sang his lala because Tom cracks his voice during it but it petered off into sniffling when they realized why and then we were all just crying together as persephone placed the flower in his vest.

lovers desire: SOME VERY CUTE STUFF. hades' performance is broken but tom's hades is still a Jazzy Jazzy Man at heart and they're like 100 times more playful with each other - they're both giggling and grinning their asses off while they dance together and give each other these like nudges to the next series of steps and it was adorable and I was discretely sobbing. they both played it like they knew how to do this dance with each other better than they knew anything, the little nudges were like..... them playing inside this dance they already knew so well? Like more overexaggeration to make each other laugh and just revel in this wonderful thing they've rediscovered- specifically I remember that Amber raised her skirt soooooo high when she was doing the curtsey and Tom was like waggling his eyebrows at her and adding extra flourishes with his hands and widening his eyes super big everytime he pulled off a move (the funniest ones were when they do like the two-step where they move one after another in sequence and he's copying her moves in reverse and oml it was just adorable). When Seph had the move where she pulls their linked arms over his head to tuck him into her I remember that was the one part where he wasn't doing this goofy act but his expression straight up melted and he looked so smitten. and when it's the last bit of the dance and he spins her across the stage, seph's face breaks open with tears his expression responds with like this mix of heartbreak and "ohhhhh no baby please don't cry" as he moved across the stage to quickly take her into his arms for the dip at the end

AFTER this when orphydice has finished promises and right before Orpheus turns to ask Hades if they can go, they come out of slow dancing to the side but are still super wrapped up in each other - seph wraps herself around one of his arms and presses herself super close and Tom leaned down with this little smile like Hades was gonna try and steal a quick kiss, but then he hears/sees out of the corner of his eye/senses or something Orpheus approaching and pulls himself up and formal to be the king. When he says I don't know and seph wrenches herself away from him to the other side of the stage to firmly stand behind Orphydice he gets this look of Extreme Frustration on that she's still not standing with him and these damn kids are still more important, bc even with character growth he still is a petty selfish bitch who does not like to share lmao, he's just getting that he Has To now

wait for me ii: Hades stays onstage by the microphone stand to the left to watch Hermes deliver his judgement to orphydice/seph/the workers and watching Tom during this was a Treat. this is the first time he's seeing how orphydice and esp Orpheus function when he's not involved to terrify them. they're so sweet and so good, and they have what looks like so much unwavering faith in each other unlike him and seph, maybe they really could... so when he delivers "i let them try" that last word is stretched with so much wonder. he's getting this first glimpse into feeling how everyone else felt when orpheus sang of how the world could be that isn't just focused in about how he feels about persephone, which always drives him - now he's having to deal with the Greater Implications and orpheus' seemingly unbreakable faith in a better world rocks him to his core. that certainty that orpheus would fail gets shaken as he watches them and when Seph asks him if he thinks they'll make it, his I Don't Know is 1/2 defensive and 1/2 actual uncertainty. he still hates to be wrong but he's wondering if his beliefs about doubt will turn out differently this time. he isn't optimistic about it by any means but orpheus, eurydice, and the workers' response to them both does give him pause

meanwhile in hades and persephone's section, on a personal level they deliver their lines to each other like they're a great deal more nervous about what next fall will bring than i've seen and heard before - something I'm thinking stems from hades' worldview being so suddenly shaken and seph too being a little more vulnerable?

MISC THOUGHTS

Tom seems to be leaning into Hades not having done anything with Eurydice other than tempt her down - once she's in Hadestown even during Why We Build The Wall he drops the salesman croon entirely and when he does rarely speak to her/about her it's commanding as a king who sees her just as another object under his possession, with very little interest in her for anything at all beyond that. he was just going after the goal of making sure Seph knew he had Options whether or not he actually pursued them

tom is super dedicated to how power-hungry hades is. I remember when I saw Patrick during chant ii he was playing hades as more affected by how much seph seemed to care about the workers now and desperately trying to get her attention back (even negatively), Tom was more consumed in seeing Orpheus as a threat because of how effectively he had turned his "children" on him. He knocks Seph down in those "shackle her from wrist to wrist" less as a personal petty attack to her like Patrick does and more like to try and destabilize her as someone backing Orpheus up. Tom's Hades perceives Orpheus as a Threat no matter how much he plays up his Performance as Nonchalant Jazzy King. he really emphasizes Hades' relationship to Orpheus whereas Patrick played more into his relationship with Eurydice, which makes so much sense what with Tom's Hades being a pettier more egotistical messy bitch obsessed with his kingdom and Patrick's Hades' obsession being his wife and Hadestown being like, this side-effect of being a god that he just couldn't help, he Had to build and strive for power whereas Tom's Hades reveled in it and wanted it. Instinct versus drive I guess. one of my buds put it super well as: "Patrick!Hades sees everything as a threat to his power Tom!Hades is so certain of his power that he can afford to be somewhat nonchalant but the fact that Orpheus alone is his main genuine threat is fucking brilliant"

and ok for now, that's what I've got! if anyone wants any clarification or wants to ask details about specific moments I didn't put in here feel free to shoot me an ask!

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Memories of 2020 - Initial asks and a small discussion

*cracks knuckles* Here we go.

If any of you have spent any amount of time today on any ARMY sns platform, I’m sure you’ve seen the mess which, as seasoned ARMY, I can tell you was the exact same mess we see...every single time. I can’t particularly say I’m surprised by any of it, especially when watching the entire process, as in the first clips hitting the TL and then the rest slowly following suit like a flood building steadily as the hours went by.

From anon: be ready for insecure vminies 😂

I’m pleased to report it wasn’t actually as bad as I expected, though now that I’m typing this I probably jinxed my own luck and the flood of asks will come soon enough, but maybe not. I’m holding on to the latter.

Based on the cycle in which these things happen every time, as in that the first clips that hit the ARMY spaces are Xkook ones, followed by vmin and other ships, and lastly more OT7 content, I expected our asks to go haywire after that clip, you know which one I mean. But we’ve only gotten two (?) about it, kind of, so I guess most people understood that it was just for laughs and nothing serious that anyone would have to get insecure over.

From anon: Sigh. This is my first memories of bts as army and i'm already tired of how all of twitter seems to be about 1 j*/k*ok moment now. There were so many j*n/kook m*ments and hugs and a sweet h*pe/k*ok backhug moment and a good number of vmin moments including slow dancing so why is the focus always on that one ship?

Here’s the thing, maybe my TLs are just well curated, I don’t know, but on mine no one really focused on that moment? Even non-shipper OT7s just briefly had a chuckle and then moved along to other things, awww’ed at vmin moments, there was lots and lots of talk about J*nk*ok being super cute and there being so much content when it comes to their interactions, there was a lot of chatter about basically every duo and OT7 moment. I know ship specific spaces went nuts, Xkookers butting heads like their lives depend on it, but outside of them?

“All of twt” is an exaggeration and I know, believe me I do, that Xkookers have the ability to make it seem like everyone just cares about their moments because they themselves (the shippers) are loud and seemingly everywhere, but when you look past them, that isn’t the case. Shippers have a tendency to generalize, especially those who follow a lot of their fellow shippers, but when you step outside of shipper spaces, things look very differently.

Like anon said, though I’d like to preface this by saying that I haven’t seen the entirety of Memories of 2020 so I can only go by what I have seen though I’d say I’ve seen nearly everything that was posted on twt or at least as much as I could find (including Xkook things), there were a lot, and I mean a lot, of amazing moments between basically all the members, regardless of who your favorite duo might be, I’m sure there was something for you there. Even those who are supposedly a rarity. And even as vminnies, this time around we had a feast with so many amazing vmin moments, some funny ones, some random ones, some super cute ones, whatever you want, there is something there for you to find. And the same can be said about so many other duos, we even got Yoongi and Hobi FaceTiming each other, and Yoongi saying they look like a couple while looking at the pictures Hobi chose for the coffee truck he sent to Yoongi’s Daechwita MV filming set.

There’s one discussion I’d like to get out of the way below the cut, but after that I will have another post very, very soon in which I want us to just have some fun and look at vmin, namjin and the other moments because there is just so much to find. And this is just day one of people having the DVDs, these discussion will continue for a while because, like I mentioned before, Memories are a treasure trove for OT7 content and fun stuff, and there’s more than eleven hours worth of it to be watched, discovered and discussed.

But, okay, let’s get into that moment since anons wanted to talk about it and know my thoughts on it, so let’s do just that. And yes, other anon from a while ago, I remember you once mentioning how I shouldn’t talk about other ships and shouldn’t “debunk” them and their moments, though I’d hardly call this debunking, but as I said many times since our first post, I’m ARMY before I am a vminnie and namjinist, and our blog is called thoughts on Bangtan and, as far as I’m aware, both JK and Jimin are part of Bangtan, so I don’t see a reason why I can’t show my perspective on it and also voice my grievances with shippers when it comes to that moment. And, before anyone comes into our asks to yell at me for being toxic/problematic or only doing this to make my ship look better or whatever, no, that isn’t the point, like at all. 

“Debunking” moments makes literally no difference whatsoever in the grand scheme of things and doesn’t affect reality, all I am doing is having a chat just like everyone else. I’m not even asking you to agree with me, you’re more than welcome not to, I can’t and won’t stop you. Also, just so you know, my initial reaction was just to laugh amused by it, no hard feelings, so I’m not the bad guy.

That being said...the Xkook moment.

Here’s the thing, when it first surfaced many hours ago, the moment itself was cut down to show just the moment of Jimin leaning close to JK and JK leaning back and turning his head away so his cheek faced Jimin...and cut, some even cutting off the video before JK turned his head. That’s it. People, as in shippers, freaked out, and everyone else had a good laugh and moved along to other things, even vminnies were joking about it and everything. I saw none of my fellow vminnies getting angry or insecure about it. Then, as time went by, someone else posted that scene but this time also showing the things leading up to it, so putting it into context instead of removing it. With the context suddenly the whole thing looked and felt completely differently since moments prior Jimin was pretending to stab JK with the pointy end of his mic and then acted as though to check if he was d*ad, as in the end of the scene. Turns out it was just for giggles and not some grand romantic moment in a room full of people and a camera close to their faces.

By that time, of course, those who cared most about that moment had long decided what meaning this holds and didn’t care once context was shown. Gifs and art had already been created, the yelling was loud, and the fights between Xkookers were reaching levels of toxicity I hadn’t seen in a while, which was disgusting and fucked up the say the least. But, the thing is, I don’t think the moment itself was the issue. In context and as rational ARMY you know it was just Jimin playing around with JK as they usually do, things we’ve also seen other members do in similar (though not quite like this) fashion, and after eight years since debut and nine of knowing each other, this isn’t shocking or new in any way. No, the issue were Xkookers and the way they treated this moment, some even going as far as taking screenshots and editing them to make it seem like they were about to kiss, as in they changed the placements of their heads to fit their narrative, as well as others making gifs where they play the moment backwards (leaving out the part where JK leans his head away and to the side) and thus they created their own version of the moment which was different from what had actually happened.

That is my biggest issue with this whole thing. The blatant manipulation of moments to create narratives that don’t match reality, twisting them and using them in stupid pointless fights. But imagine vminnies were to do any of that, all hell would break loose and we’d be attacked without mercy because how dare, and yet they don’t follow their own “logic” and “rules”. It’s more than okay to find any and all moments cute, we all do, to make jokes and whatnot, but twisting context, manipulating it and basically creating your own version of it goes too far. 

Take what we are given as what it is, instead of what you want it to be.

So, now that that’s done, please fellow vminnies and ARMYs, don’t be insecure or let people ruin your mood and fun over it. It’s not worth it. Instead let’s check out and have a talk about some of the fun vmin and OT7 moments we got, along with other ones, including my reply to another anon when it comes to namjin. Of course what I will mention in the post (HERE) is basically just the tip of the iceberg since tumblr has a limit on pictures and everything, so just know there is so much more still left to see than just that.

Before I’ll go, for those who still feel a little insecure/doubtful/whatever else, while I was working on this post and the other one, another anon sent in this well timed vmin ask:

From anon: I have to say this as a Vmin supporter. Whatever is going on with Vmin we can rest assure what they is special/untouchable. They graduated HS & college together, going for Bachelors together. Jimin-ah I like you the most. I want to live with my lovely Taehyung for the rest if my life. Their future is together, friends/soulmates or more they said it. I won’t tear down other members closeness (good for them) their bonds don’t erase Vmins. I’m just happy with the moments Vmin allow us to see.

[linkspooky]

HI! I love reading your metas! They're really insightful and they make me appreciate series I love a heck of a lot more. Especially JJK and MHA. Could you talk about what some of the characters cursed techniques may represent in the story, im super curious on what you could say on that.

Sure, but I’ll just do the main four characters for now because that’s easier. I’m also going to simplify the cursed techniques because that’s easier to show how they’re symbolic in story.  Gojo’s two main techniques are “the infinity” and “unlimited void”. They each serve as symbolism for the central flaws of his character. 

The infinity is something which makes it impossible for any techniques to reach Satoru. It makes him untouchable at all times.What is Satoru Gojo’s greatest difficult as a character? It’s getting closer to other people. 

Gojo has it in his head that the only person who can stand next to him is someone equally as strong as he is. Which is why he allowed Geto in for a long time, until Gojo became “the strongest” alone. In the year after that moment, Gojo and Geto grew further and further apart because Gojo was now strong enough to handle every mission on his own. When Geto just leaves, Gojo is shocked that he can’t reach him. Gojo is an untouchable person, and, someone unable to reach the person he truly cares about in time. He can’t touch Geto, at least not in a way that matters, not in a way that would save him. 

This is also something Kamo Sr. complains about later, specifically referring to this scene. For Gojo, other people will only ever be something that gets in his way, specifically because of his cursed technique.

Gojo’s second technique is the unlimited void. He specifically says this to Jogo when using it against him for the first time. 

Here’s thes skinny, the real irony here is he’s talking about himself. Gojo is someone capable of anything, and yet he’s incapable of affecting the world in the way he wants. He wants political reform,but the way to do that is to bow your head and play politics, the two things Gojo is terrible at. 

Gojo is someone who can do anything, and yet at the same time fails at everything he sets out to achieve. His great power doesn’t really enable him to do anything he wants, because he’s just one person like everybody else in the world. He could kill all the higher ups but that wouldn’t change things. Gojo is bad at politics so, when he fails in Shibuya, he’s the one who ends up exiled and blamed for letting himself get sealed by the elders who hold all the true power in the situation.

His domain is the perfect metaphor for his character, someone who simultaneously holds all the power and is ultimately powerless. 

These other ones are going to be a little bit quicker because we haven’t gotten as many details on their cursed techniques. There’s some serious foiling going on with Yuji and Megumi’s cursed techniques. Yuji and Megumi both revolve around the concept of the shadow. The shadow is the other self, or the repressed self. Both of these characters deal with a lot of themes of repression. 

It’s commented several times that Megumi has way more potential, having inherited what is most likely the most powerful technique in the Zenin arsenal in the ten shadows. However, at the same time he’s someone who ignores his own potential my repressing himself. 

Megumi is someone who continually represses himself by saying that there’s no way he could ever be as strong as Gojo. He pretends to be weaker than he really is. However, repressing himself is what makes his shadow grow even more powerful. 

Megumi and Yuji are both characters who are built around the idea of repressing themselves until they go nuts. They’re both embodying this jungian idea of the other self, the repressed shadow. They both, flip, for lack of a better term. 

Megumi is all silent brooding until he goes crazy with power. We don’t know what Yuji’s technique is, but not only does he show the same behavior, all smiles on the surface until he flips out into a violent rage. Yuji also specifically has two sides to himself. The other side is Sukuna, a violent murderer. We’re also shown gradually, over the course of the story, the two sides coming closer to one another. 

Both Megumi and Sukuna repress themselves, so their selves are split. Megumi has a shadow based technique, as a metaphor for his true potential being much, much more than he says it is. Sukuna being the flip side of Yuji, shows how Yuji divides himself betwee his “violent self” and his “friendly, nice guy” normal self that he uses mainly to interact with others. Megumi suppresses his potential, Yuji his violent side. 

Nobara’s main technique is using pins into a straw doll, to hurt others in the same area on their bodies. (Simplifying, for the sake of time). Rsonance inflicts pain on another person using an effigy, like a hair, or blood, connected to an avatar like the straw doll, or even in some cases her own body like in Origin of Obedience. 

It’s actually a pretty common place way to curse others in japan, like you could buy a doll, tie someone’s hair to it, and then stick pins in it. It’s like ouji boards are for us, it’s like a curse that’s in the common popular knowledge. A teen girl might try to curse someone if their boyfriend cheats on them. It’s like how people in america can have witchcraft phases when they’re teenagers (not talking about like, actual practicing wiccans and whatnot). There’s also a commonly used phrase in japan, “When you’re cursing someone prepare to dig two graves.” It means, that in the decision to curse someone else, the curse might rebound and affect yourself too. Like, how revenge won’t just hurt the person you want to avenge yourself on, you might end up hurting somebody else, or even yourself in the process. 

Not only does Nobara physically experience this once, she curses herself using resonance in order to harm somebody else by using her body as the straw doll proxy. Nobara’s central character trait is her complete lack of sympathy for other people. 

If you try to get Nobara to sympathize, her usual response is “I don’t care.” Nobara being low empathy doesn’t mean she’s a good or bad person, it’s just a facet of who she is. However, she is a very self righteous person. Which factors into her cursed technique, she’s the kind of person who could curse, inflict pain on another, without thinking about how it might rebound and affect her or someone else. Which is exactly what the straw doll proxy does, it inflicts pain, one nail at a time. Nobara doesn’t like it when good people get hurt, same as Yuji, same as Megumi, but when she sees herself in the right she has no problem at all punishing what she calls a “bad” person. 

[pixiedoodlein]

I’m so fucking mad that a year and a half into this pandemic I am back to 11th hour debating another year of homeschool. The first stretch of homeschool, in NYC, when the toddler was a baby, and husband was home on unemployment, was good, nice even, a quiet piece of something good when the world outside was falling apart. The next stretch, the Oklahoma stretch, with a particularly climby toddler, husband working 10 hour days, me doing remote contract work, somewhere we had no family around to help w/ childcare, was challenging. I was not always my best self. Some days were delightful, muffins and math games. Other days I was more Miss Trunchbull than Miss Honey, fractions were squeezed in between crying (usually mine) and netflix (way too much of hers), and I held on to any shred of sanity by telling myself “just a little longer, just until the vaccines.”

Well here we are. Husband & I have been vaccinated for months, but the kids aren’t yet. The upstate NY town we moved to is a very small town (pop: 838), was mostly untouched by previous waves. When we got here, I couldn’t understand why everyone was so lax about it- no masks, no panic. Our first day here, when I came home from the market and saw through the window a gaggle of unmasked kids in my living room (the neighbors coming to welcome us, they heard a kid moved in) I almost had a heart attack. In fact, I was so tired from the drive from OKC that for a moment I actually thought I was at the wrong house, that I was hallucinating, because how in the world could there be unmasked bodies in my living room.

Then I started talking to people here. And I realized that the way I thought they were insane for not being deathly afraid of covid, they thought I was insane for being petrified. Because the disease hadn’t hit here; their businesses were destroyed and their kids were out of school (in a rural area with barely functional internet, remote school = a lost year) and their lives were totally fucked up, for a disease that never arrived at their doorstep. I came to understand why they weren’t worried, why here life looked (almost) normal. I told them about what it was like to live somewhere covid tore through, the freezer trucks of bodies on the FDR Drive and my previously healthy 27yld brother so sick with it the first spring he thought he was about to die (but too scared to go to a hospital), my dad’s relative in the next NYC wave on a vent for months and lucky to be alive but may never walk again, the doctors in OKC pleading on the news to please wear a fucking mask because the hospitals were fucking full, and the neighbors stopped thinking I was psycho when I carried extra masks for their kids, and made them put them on, when I took them to town for ice cream. I never stopped masking. But we did indoor dine here (once, BBQ, it wasn’t delicious enough for how anxious I felt) and I did bring all the kids, including my toddler, to a fairly crowded children’s museum in the big (small) city an hour away, where the rest of us were masked but the one with his hands in his mouth, who was all up in other kids’ faces, the one who really should be masked, wasn’t because he won’t leave it on for more than a minute.

Actually it’s a lie to say that I never stopped masking- I have dashed into little stores here, without one, because I’m vaxed! It’s safe here! Covid felt done. We had friends come here to visit this summer. Friends who are vaxed, but that doesn’t seem to really matter enough anymore. We had the neighbors over for meals, indoors (you see, more indoor dining! A minute ago I was just thinking restaurants, but why would plagues only spread in restaurants?). They had us for meals. The girls are a crew, new best friends, making my daughter’s life here so, so much happier, constant sleepovers (their kids were at our house this afternoon; my kid is at their house right now). The parents and grandparents are wonderful, making my life here, and husband’s life here, so much easier, so much better. We help them with stuff, they help us with stuff, there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t see each other, unmasked. Some of the adults in their household are vaxed; some of the adults in their household are not. The kids are all too young to be vaxed. But it (living, doing shit again, seeing people again) really stopped feeling scary; it really felt like everything was fine, normal-ish, normal-er. The end of the pandemic felt in sight.

I signed my child up for school here. Real school, not mommy school, school with a school bus. She was a little anxious, I had to talk her into it, I sold it hard, I bought her whatever pair of new sneakers she wanted for her new school (she hasn’t had gym class in a year and a half; for a phase in Oklahoma she wore one boot and one sandal every day, why not). She wasn’t anxious about sneakers or covid; she was anxious that maybe she hadn’t learned enough in homeschool (I am not a teacher! I did not homeschool because I am good at it or love it or wanted to, I homeschooled because I was scared of her getting covid at school and dying), that she would be behind. She isn’t behind. I followed the real school curriculum as best I could (as in: sometimes totally and sometimes not at all), and somehow, when I gave her the standardized “real school” test “at the end of the year” (aka the day I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to focus on my work or I wasn’t going to have an income, the day I’d decided we’d done as much as we could and it was time to be done), she sailed through it, this kid is smart. Smart as in needs to be in actual real fucking school to stay smart and learn and reach her potential.

She got excited- one of the neighbor kids is in her grade. The other kid is older- but the school is small, she’d see her tons. She was excited; I was excited. I registered her for school. Her new teacher sent a nice note. We all were excited. She’s never taken the school bus before but the neighbors take it and she’d be fine on the bus with her besties, the bus would pick her up in front of their house since there’s nowhere to turn around up our hill (we are VERY rural), they’d all get on and off the bus together. She has been backpack shopping. We have been discussing what she’ll have for breakfast (honey nut Cheerios), what she wants me to pack for lunch (she says just Goldfish, I say turkey sandwich, we’re working on it).

But now, 18 days before school starts here, I am thisclose to pulling her out, to embarking on another lovely (not), gratifying (not) year of homeschool, because of covid, delta. When we got to our new home in our new tiny town in June, there was no covid here. Now, our county is listed by the CDC as a high transmission area (is there anywhere in the US that isn’t?). 80% of senior citizens here are vaxed; 50% of the total population is, well below the national average. 15 cases per 100,000, in a county of 100,000. I guess this is less rampant than our previous pandemic locales, NYC (currently 25/100K), OKC (49/100K). This is splitting hairs, everywhere is bad. This is what panic does to me: are we better or worse for every decision we’ve made in the past year and a half, every decision that got us here? There are fewer cases here but fewer people and fewer vaccinated people and fewer ICU beds. We aren’t safe even here, but at least we are happy (happy aside from fear of delta death).

I don’t know whether to send my kid to school in 18 days. There will be masks but masks aren’t enough (how many masks do I make her wear? two, ten, a thousand?). This choice feels crazy— in March 2020, when that covid was mostly sparing kids, I yanked her out of school. Now, this covid does hurt kids. How much longer, how many more years, can parents be in this position to make this nightmare choice? What will hurt her more: school or no school? There are vaccines, more than enough in America. We shouldn’t be having to make this choice.

As it is, because of toddler— not because of toddler, because of being a parent to children in a pandemic— my work life, and husband’s, will be severely impacted this year, again. I can’t send him to daycare because he’s too little to leave a mask on (he won’t even leave his pants on!) in a room full of other unmasked toddlers, whose families may or may not be vaxd, may or may not wear masks (there has been a noticeable increase in supermarket mask wearing since we got here, but still not enough, is any of it enough?), may or may not be going to parties and weddings and funerals, daycare providers who may or may not be doing all the same. This means I can only apply to remote jobs, so I can be home with him. Husband has some flexibility, more than he did in OKC, but god forbid he has to work while I have a work call or meeting or work due I didn’t manage to get done at 4am or 11pm when the house is quiet. He can’t bring toddler to work with him, his work is up on scaffold, stenciling ceilings. This will be another year of me muting myself on Zooms while toddler pulls his diaper off and hurls poop at the cat. Would it really be so much harder to also be trying to teach parts of speech to our daughter at the same time? Yes, it would, but I don’t know if I can send my kids back out into the world until they’re vaccinated. I am counting the days, holding my breath, until they can be.

I used to believe in personal choice. I don’t anymore. I want this shit to be mandated, I want the government to line us up and force mRNA into holdouts’ arms, I want it to be required, to be able to function in and interact with and benefit from society in any way, shape, or form. I have been very lucky in the pandemic. Privilege stacked on privilege on privilege, to be fussing over my Zooms in my hamlet. I had been pretty pandemic perky, baking my pies and playing with my pandemic pets and (thinking about) doing puzzles, but I’ve reached my breaking point. This shit could be done, but it’s not, and I’m scared it never will be.

[something-very-special]

In the original Nier, Weiss and Papa muse about how the shades are slowly "becoming smarter" and better organized. Through the lore, we learn that some Gestalts have relapsed into mindless monsters, while others retain their sentience. Of the bosses, field enemies and sidequest shades, which Shades do you see as being sentient and which ones have relapsed?

According to the lore, all Gestalts before the Shadowlord underwent relapse, so there was actually quite a broad swath of mindless monsters out there (the ones that attack during the prologue are all therefore relapsed). After he pacts with Noir he’s the first stable Gestalt, and his body is harvested for the maso particles that he generates, which are somehow distributed to the other Gestalts as they are made in order to stabilize them. There are still a lot of Gestalts that aren’t given this treatment and thus result in the ‘feral’ Shades, but I believe that by the time the game happens most of them have gone extinct. The stable Gestalts were put into stasis to wait out the destruction of the Legion and Red Eyes monsters, to be carried out by the Replicants. The feral Gestalts were still out and about during this time, presumably also engaged in an incidental war with Legion (that is, they’re mindless and violent and these other things are mindless and violent, let’s you and him fight). The prequel game long ago proposed by Yoko Taro involved specifically a small squad of Replicants led by their android overseer going in the kill Red Eyes and end the scourge once and for all. This was basically a sentence-long pitch but my read on the full context was that Legion was the monster du jour and whatever relapsed Shades were out there had largely been eradicated already. There are, of course, still relapsed Gestalts in present day. It’s fairly clear before the game starts that Shades are considered very dangerous, to the point that settlements must be kept small and far apart and walled for their own protection... but they’re still pretty uncommon. That rarity is in part what leads to them being so feared, and that fear is probably stemmed from the main encounters with Shades being with violent, relapsed Gestalts that would randomly attack humans. The stable Gestalts mostly kept holed up in their homes waiting for the promised conclusion of Project Gestalt. There are indications of Shades that are just seen wandering around minding their own business and people retreat and shutter up in fear, but active attacks from Shades are uncommon enough that all of the settlements leave their gates wide open and, other than the Aerie, and there are plenty of conversations about how Seafront and the Village in particular are pretty much untouched by them-- even the three hanging out at the northern entrance are considered ‘concerning’. All that said, I think, over the course of the game, you don’t actually encounter any relapsed Gestalts. The violence in the game starts with an attack on the three child Shades outside the Village. The attack on the bridge crew the next day is likely in retaliation for this act. The next level of Shade activity comes after you free Weiss from the Lost Shrine and indicates that unification will be occurring soon. Some Shades start appearing in the Northern Plains-- they’re hostile but not significantly aggressive unless you attack back (or you’re carrying a fragile package); contrast to later in the game where your appearance on the map basically causes any currently-spawned Shade to start charging your position. The ones in the Aerie are doing their own thing but under a unified goal of trying to forcibly reunite with their bodies-- violent, but still sentient. There are a few out on the Southern Plains as the game progresses, including that big guy who’s killing the deer and is pretty much guaranteed to one-shot you the first time you see him, but if my theory about the sheep killing transfers over this is also a resource deprivation tactic. Seafront has significantly greater resources than anywhere else with its direct access to the ocean, but even they by the second half of the game are talking about the difficulty in getting food. There are a few Shades mentioned in specific sidequests that seem to be acting in peculiarly violent ways, but the two I’ve re-encountered so far -- the bridge Shade and the Seafront postman-eating Shade -- are positioned at choke points where they can easily disrupt trade and correspondence. Their methods are noted as being peculiar, but they’re still intelligent tactics, not random violence. I admit I might simply not be remembering other Shades from sidequests, but by and large, I don’t think so. There are some random Shades just chilling in some weird locations like the Barren Temple-- not really accomplishing anything there-- but if relapsed Gestalts are inclined toward violence it wouldn’t really make sense for them to stay somewhere that nobody actually goes. It’s certainly a possibility, but their behavior is overall consistent with the aggression we see from Shades in the second part of the game, where the Shades are acting under orders and organizing their attacks. The bosses are pretty well confirmed to be stable given the revelations of the Route B, with the only possible exception being Hook-- and I think Hook would be less ‘relapsed’ and more -- to use the scientific vernacular -- ‘bugfuck nuts’. (Tyrann isn’t relapsed -- although he’s kind of a weird case overall -- and he just really likes killin’ people so it’s not out of the realm of possibility for certain Shades to just really like killin’ people.) It has the intelligence to try and trick Kaine into embracing death, and carries out an active conversation to that end so it’s not just mindlessly parroting words even at that point. The only other consideration I might make is the Shades in the weapons facility, less because of their tactics and more because it feels like that would be one of the few places in the game where relapsed Gestalts could theoretically survive. But that also could have been a major location for Gestalt stasis, and either read leaves them all understandably pissed that nobody could figure out how to open the front door, so the difference between ‘relapsed’ and ‘stir crazy’ is negligible at best. So overall, while I believe there are still relapsed Gestalts in the world, I think the game only ever has you fight against any during the prologue (and, technically, during the flashback dream with the fortune teller).