#i am educated and experienced

[mergaliscious]

it's interesting how every trait that ppl use to demonize narcissists (except for the ridiculous ones to demonize that are actually harmless) is also very prevalent among the general population, especially among untraumatized and privileged individuals

like yeah, *some* narcissists are assholes, but the traits that make them assholes are extremely common among people who don't have NPD and were simply never told they have to care about other people

it's like neurotypicals/egotypicals will accept this sort of behavior *unless* it was developed as a coping mechanism. Like it's only bad if it's a symptom of mental illness. And fuck that.

[helioptilie]

very interested in some of the talk around the new pjo episodes 

‘censoring a story to align with a predetermined family friendly model is not only a disservice to the original work but to the audience it claims to protect. allowing children to engage with difficult content in fiction can help them to process difficult experiences in their own lives.’

and 

‘reading about something and seeing it happen have a different impact, things that are appropriate for a book could be triggering when depicted on screen. it is important for production to consider their young target audience and the well-being of their child actors when adapting sensitive content for the show’

are not contradictory statements and we should discuss 

[nachosncheezies]

Something that I have observed, in life and in fandom spaces, is that vast cultural and linguistic differences are often unknown, and this has become especially apparent as social usage of the internet has grown worldwide. It's no one's fault. Nobody is "less than" or unintelligent or whatever else for not recognizing it. It's simply something that you can't really know, I think, without being directly exposed to it either by education or personal experience.

I've been lucky to have been something of a nomad, but that comes with its challenges which go way beyond the practical or homesickness. I can say that even within the English language there are VAST regional and cultural differences in modes of expression. Interestingly, the folks I've known who MOST seem to recognize it are linguists and especially professional translators - professions where a recognition of the importance of localized metaphor, unspoken nuance, idiomatic expressions, etc, are absolutely KEY to success. But I digress.

Based on my own experience, I believe that internationally common tongues sometimes fail us to a degree because of this. In some places, culture is more "individualized" - a sort of "what can I do" which often includes a sort of "me against the world" outlook. (I do not mean selfishness. Not at all. I mean it's a starting point, not a goal.) Presenting one's thoughts can best be accomplished by conveying strong, even absolute conviction in one's position, which - "me against the world" - can lead to generalized and sometimes forceful statements. At home, that would be a starting point for discussion and debate, and would be returned in kind. In other places, discussion takes more of an "improv comedy" style, wherein "yes, and..." is the mode of debate. In still others, the places and types of silence can convey just as much about someone's position and can be just as persuasive as words themselves. Sarcasm is especially regionalized, and conveyed differently from place to place. Body language is universally important in adding nuance or clarification to any statement in any place. Put these sorts of things in a blender, and you can easily find misunderstandings where some come off aggressive or as "talking down" to others, others unusually meek, still others appearing to agree when actually, they are not agreeing at all, etc.

I have also observed that in real life situations, differences in regional accents afford a certain amount of grace toward these differences, even when we're not actively conscious of any of the above. (This, I can say with absolute certainty, because I have also lived in a few places long enough to have taken on a floating accent, and when I'm visiting any of these places for more than a day or so, that grace if I stumble back into other modes of expression disappears with whichever accent I got off the plane with 😂)

Unfortunately, online, we don't have this constant audible reminder that a person is something of an "other" coming from some other place where modes of communication may be different. Even people who deal with language as their professional bread and butter can easily forget in online spaces. We tend to hear whatever we read in our local accent, and things such as metaphor and sarcasm may be misconstrued, "individualized conviction" modes may come across as shocking and rude, or the many and varied uses of silence may go completely unnoticed, etc.

Anyway. If you have read this whole novella, thank you. 💕 I have debated posting something like this for a looong time, because I wonder sometimes if conflict I see within fandoms (and educational groups, and professional groups, and and and) might arise, fundamentally, from these sorts of misunderstandings. I do not intend it as a callout to any person or group of people. Perhaps, hopefully, simply food for thought.

[chemblrish]

x

[localtopegg]

Shoutouts to @polwigle for taking me through Pikmin 4 and teaching me things that would cause me great anxiety to attempt on my own.

Here are some highlights Part One: Featuring @veemochi and some liveblogs I made at @fullmoonfireball and @sludge-wizard:

Pregame -

Prolouge -

Actual Game -

[medicasino]

This isn't directed at anyone specific to be clear, but I did want to say; "we should fight the notion that being transmasc is inherently internalized misogyny as that is NOT true and is just transmisic bullshit" and "trans men and male-aligned transmascs in general are not exempt from being misogynistic + (knowingly and unknowingly) perpetrating misogyny, and we should actively strive to support and uplift women and unlearn our actual internalized misogynistic beliefs and actively combat misogyny" are statements that Can and Should coexist.

Obviously, having dysphoria related to being afab and disliking being referred to femininely is 100% valid! But also being transmasc doesn't excuse or exempt you from being misogynistic, you know? These aren't contradictory statements.

[forensicated]

Smiffina Episodes - Episode 384

Last episode, Smithy was found unconscious behind the wheel of his car that had crashed down a bankside. There was a bottle of vodka on the dash and Louise had died in RTA.

This episode, Smithy slowly comes round not knowing where he is or what has happened. Yvonne supports his neck and tells him to keep still as Tony urges the ambulance to come quicker.

June calls Adam and gets him to come back in, telling him what has happened. She says Smithy was found unconscious at the wheel of his car by a man out walking his dog who saw nothing else. The accident was logged at 6.15pm - when he'd still be on duty - and he was in 'half blues' (his uniform shirt with his coat over the top). Adam asks June to let him know as soon as Smithy is able to talk as thankfully it looks like it's just cuts and bruises at the moment.

At the hospital, Yvonne whispers to Tony that Smithy doesn't yet know that Louise is dead. She has to get him to take a breathalyser and the hospital say he can be released as he's got minor cuts and bruises and is drunk/starting to hang. Smithy asks Yvonne what's happening because he's got a banging headache and feels really sick and she gets him to take the breathalyser. Smithy is literally stunned that he's over the limit and struggles off the bed to grab the machine to do it again himself.

Smithy panics, not knowing what is going on or how he got to the hospital or why he's there, begging them to tell him what is going on. Yvonne has to arrest him as Tony gently breaks the news that a woman was knocked down by his car. Smithy is clearly stunned and asks if she's okay.... Yvonne has to tell him not only that the woman has died... but that it was Louise. Smithy passes out - only stopped from hitting the floor by Yvonne and Tony holding him up.

June has to book a clearly shell-shocked Smithy in at the station, asking Yvonne to go see the Superintendent. A silent Smithy shakes his head to refuse a solicitor or a fed rep and Tony literally has to propel him across the floor to get him to move for an official breathalyser test. He blows a 47 which is over the limit of 35.

Adam asks Yvonne what happened and she tells him that Louise was hit at speed by a car that drove away. Smithy's registration plate was found at the scene and he was found at the wheel of his car a short distance away. Yvonne tells him she doesn't know if Smithy could have knocked Louise over - but the evidence points that way.

The FME tells June Smithy isn't fit for interview so he's bailed until 8.30am the next day when the DPS will interview him. Smithy tells Yvonne there's noone to contact for him as he can't face anyone else so she tells him he's coming back with her. He tries to resist but she won't take no for an answer as he needs someone there for him whilst he comes to terms with the entire situation.

Adam arrives takes him aside, asking him why he left when he was still on duty. Smithy tells him he wanted to speak to Louise and tells Adam he doesn't know why, he just had to see her. He almost passes out again and Adam helps him to a chair as he cries. "I don't understand, I don't know why any of this is happening to me." Adam comforts him and strongly advises him to request both a solicitor and a fed rep - not just for the sake of his job but also for the chance he might go to prison. He tells him to go home with Yvonne and try and sleep and hopefully things will start to come back to him.

Smithy does exactly that and Yvonne goes to put the kettle on, leaving him alone for the first time since he found out what had happened. Smithy glances mournfully around the room before breaking down heavily in tears as he struggles to process the last few hours.

Yvonne has to tell the relief that Smithy has been arrested over Louise's death. She also tells them the DPS is running an investigation internally over it. Roger and the rest of the relief mock that news whilst Emma looks strangely uncomfortable.

"Looks like we're leaving just in time, the DPS have arrived." growls Roger. "How can you tell it's him?". "The smell, Lewis. The smell and the look on his face like his mother couldn't run fast enough away from her cousin if you get my drift." Good job that the DCI talking to Adam isn't any of their fathers on the quiet, hey Emma?

Frank Keane isn't overly popular in Sun Hill. This is not least because he's investigating Smithy, that he's part of the DPS... but he's also the man who investigated Jack when he was accused of taking backhanders (Episodes 378/379). "He's the best man for the job." Adam assures Jack. "If you're sure, but if you ask me, he'd be knitting at the foot of the guillotine." Jack mutters.

Zain asks Jack what they're going to do about Smithy. Jack says the DPS are handling it and they're not allowed to. Zain isn't impressed and insists that they don't know Smithy and they won't be able to solve the case correctly. Jack tells Zain he feels exactly the same way but what can they do about it? Zain fixes Jack with a Paddington Bear Stare. They can work it of course!

Jack relents and agrees to let Zain make some discreet calls. "I've had enough of Keane to last me a lifetime."

Frank asks Adam what Smithy's account was. Adam admits he couldn't remember much. Frank scoffs unsympathetically and suggests now he's sobered up he'll remember more. Frank asks if he knows Louise and Smithy were having an affair. Adam admits that he knew and that Smithy had told him it had ended. Frank points out that it clearly hadn't and berates him for lying to which Adam insists it was probably to keep his private life private and that noone at the station thinks Smithy had anything to do with it. Frank just shrugs, telling Adam they now have a witness that they're tracing and to hope that he is singing from the same hymn sheet. The witness has been spotted on the CCTV from the area. Admittedly it's not clear but he can be seen in the telephone box - it's the man who rang 999.

JT tries to get Yvonne's attention to the front desk but she's too busy to come through and hurries off so Adam has to be contacted . It turns out it's Smithy at the front desk, having to be signed in and 'collected' for his interview.

Zain comes to Smithy and tries to reassure him that he is doing everything he can to clear his name. He offers to talk it through with him and they go into the front interview room whilst Smithy waits for Adam and Frank. Smithy tells Zain he thought he could get to Louise and back within half an hour. He wanted to say a final goodbye to Louise before she went to enter Witness Protection. This was about 10 past 4 but the accident has been timed at just over 2 hours later at 6.15pm when the phone call was made to the emergency services. He asks Smithy what happened in those 2 hours. Smithy doesn't know, he doesn't remember drinking, driving or anything... but he knows he did not and would not kill Louise. "I've been set up." Zain nods. "First thing I thought of. Pete Larson." Smithy confesses that he also thinks he was drugged as he's had a few of the symptoms of GHB or rohypnol poisoning.

In an interview room with the DPS, Smithy is still refusing legal representation or a fed rep. He tells Frank he wants to try sort it out between them if they can without any official legal involvement. Silly boy! He tells Frank he still can't remember much but he's sure he's been set up by Pete Larson. He'd tried to kill her before (and had attacked Smithy!) and this time he's succeeded because she's the only one who could put him away. He thinks that he didn't kill him because he needed someone to pin it on, and that it's also a way of punishing Smithy for 'taking' Louise. Smithy fights back tears and tries to compose himself repeatedly. He admits they tried to stop the affair but couldn't... his voice breaks as he allows himself to start to say that if they had stopped... but he can't complete the ending that - Louise would/could still be alive if they had.

Smithy confesses their plan for the future, that Louise was going to fly to Australia after the trial and set up a new life. Smithy was going to hand in his notice and fly out to join her so they could be together. Frank scoffs that Pete couldn't set up all this from inside, but Smithy insists his influence is all over London as he is a powerful man with all sorts of contacts. "I was drugged! I was set up!" Smithy tells a disbelieving Frank. Frank wonders aloud if Smithy is pointing the finger at Pete to divert attention from himself. Smithy gets worked up as Frank insinuates that he's the guilty party that they argued and he 'accidentally' clipped her as he drove off in a rage. Smithy refuses to hear a bar of it. "I didn't kill Louise, because I couldn't." he chokes out. Frank cuts off the interview, saying they'll have the forensic results soon.

Jack asks Zain for any updates, he tells Jack that there was a room booked in that hotel under Smithy's name. The staff don't remember seeing Smithy but they do Louise. Zain continues that it ties in with Smithy's theory that he was drugged and can't account for the missing 2 hours.

Frank tells Adam that he's had an update on Smithy's phone and that a text was sent to Louise's from it at 6.10pm saying: 'Meet me at the Bestborough Hotel. I've got a surprise for you.' "This means his story doesn't hold up." Frank insists with Adam nodding. OR IT COULD MEAN THAT HE WAS, Y'KNOW, DRUGGED AND SET UP AND IT WASN'T HIM THAT SENT IT?! Fucks sake, Frank and Adam!

Frank agrees that Smithy should be bailed for now and Adam goes in to tell him. Smithy is blaming himself after his realisation earlier... he tells Adam he should have finished it and that it's 'all down to me'. Adam appears to be regarding Smithy differently and seems rather standoffish compared to the day before, telling him only to go home and sleep and nothing about the alleged text. (It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't come quite so soon after Adam's own set up problems with Isaac Collins in episode 329!!)

Adam and Frank attend the scene where the traffic officer confirms that it was Smithy's car that caused Louise's death after the forensics had been completed. The tire tracks proved that she was hit at speed and that the car mounted the kerb to do so and then did a U turn and came back on itself to drive at her a second time. It was no accident.

Back at Yvonne's Smithy has managed to fall asleep finally and the TV quietly plays a film to itself. At guns are fired on the screen, Smithy's brain helpfully replays some of the day before - specifically being taken hostage at gunpoint. He then goes to pour himself a drink of vodka but before he can drink it the smell causes another flashback, being force-fed and almost waterboarded with a bottle of vodka. He rings Zain and updates him.

Neil returns to Sun Hill on attachment from MIT at personal request of Jack and Adam. (Background: If I remember rightly, he took a sabbatical when his paedophile father in law was found out and murdered in 344 and it turns out in 366 he's with MIT for a change of scenery/get away from ghosts when he returns for a short while to investigate the serial killer targeting gay men ending in Lance's death. He then returns again for a short while in 378/379 when Jack is accused of taking backhanders. He returns for this and then when MIT are dicks, he refuses to be involved with their investigation into Smithy as he knows the man and knows he wouldn't do it and so transfers back properly in 387. )

Frank presents Yvonne with CCTV picture of the man that they want to trace as a witness. Roger glares down the corridor as he watches with some other uniform officers... but Emma can't escape this time and when Frank says hello the others wind her up for being on first name terms with the DPS and she has to confess that he's her father...

Neil updates CID with what has happened and that it is now a murder case and that it was a deliberate murder. Zain insists that it was a set up by Pete Larson and Smithy was drugged. Jo adds that Smithy's symptoms - amnesia, nausea, loss of consciousness - do back this up. Frank just insists that it 'could' be a convenient cover. Sun Hill are not happy - literally glaring back at him after a group "WHAT?!"

Frank insists that Smithy is a copper and he would know how to play the game and that he could be making it all up. Jack quickly jumps in to stop them lynching Frank, saying they have to check everything that could give them a lead. They also want to interview Louise's friend who let her stay at her place over Christmas whilst she was away to see if she can tell them anything about her and Smithy.

Smithy comes in to speak to Neil and Frank, telling them he's remembered that he arrived at the hotel as usual, parked in his usual place and the next thing he remembers there's a man with a gun in his face telling him to get back into the car and drive. He remembers being ordered to drink vodka or be killed - or watch Louise be killed. He was wearing a balaclava so Smithy can't give a description. Neil asks about the man's voice and Smithy says he can't remember if he was young or old or if he had an accent and FRANK LITERALLY ROLLS HIS FUCKING EYES right in front of him! He clearly doesn't believe any of it. Thank god for Neil being so calm and helpful for Smithy or I'd need to replace my monitor by now... Smithy can't remember the gun - which given his knowledge and history is a big fuck off sign too! - and insists he was drugged.

Frank takes over and asks what happened in the missing two hours of his life. "I was out. cold." Smithy repeats. "Then how was a text message sent from your phone at 6.05pm to Louise?" (that's changed considering it was 10 past earlier...) HE JUST FUCKING SAID THERE WAS A MAN IN THE CAR WITH HIM WHO FORCED HIM TO DRINK AND DRUGGED HIM. That is an answer for BOTH OF THOSE.

Ahem.

Frank doubles back to knowing that it was a deliberate killing now and not an accident and that his theory 'could' be right that they did argue. (so could Smithy's, not that you believe it Keane!) and that he loved her so much that he'd risked his life for her and that rage and fury took over. Neil is clearly not happy with Frank's methods.

Emma tries to talk to Roger about her father. Roger's still not happy, telling her that Smithy is innocent and that if her father condescended to talk to any member of the team he'd know that. Emma storms out when Roger tells her that it'll take as long as it takes for the evidence to come forward because it will be found and Smithy will be cleared, whatever her father thinks. She returns with a list of telephone numbers to all the shops and churches etc in the area that the telephone box was in and she splits them with Roger. They appear to track him down as a landlord says it sounds like one of his regulars.

Jack is in the Sgt's office with a shell-shocked Smithy who can't believe that Frank thinks that he killed Louise. Jack reassures him they'll clear his name and asks him about Pauline Burton. Smithy tells her that she's an old friend of Louise's. When she and Pete got together the two women fell out but they've patched it up and Louise has been staying with her. Smithy admits that if Louise would tell anyone that she was going to leave the country for Australia it'd be Pauline.

Jo and Zain have to tell Pauline that Louise has been killed in an accident. Pauline is gutted and slowly explains that she and Louise had patched things up. She says that she'd met a new man who had made her see Pete for what he was and that he was called Dale Smith. Unfortunately though she can't say that she'd ever met Smithy as the relationship was over just before she moved in. Noone thinks to ask her if she'd been around for the entire fucking time though - they don't see that she's been away for Christmas... or even consider that Louise was a known private person used to keeping secrets (this is why them staying at hotels doesn't make sense when Smithy has his own place and Louise was staying in a 'safe' place away from Pete!) Oh no...Frank just angrily demands from Smithy why Pauline is telling them that the relationship was over. Smithy explains that the less people who knew the less risk there was of Pete finding out.

Also? Smithy already told them before that the man had black gloves and a balaclava on but Frank's all 'yours is the only dna in that car' which is literal bullshit anyway because what? Smithy's never given anyone a lift? He brought it absolutely brand new? It's a GG51 reg! It was a 5 year old car by that point! There'd be loads of DNA in that car that would need testing and no way fibres from the man's clothes wouldn't be amongst them too!

Smithy's blood results show that there's no sign of GHB or anything else in his system but GHB is only detectable in his blood for up to 8 hours. He didn't have blood taken at the hospital! And given that if it was administered at say before 5 (it works for 3/4 hours after) to make him pliable to get everything set up if the drinking didn't work and to get the vodka in too he'd need it taking before midnight/1am to show it up! (The others would last longer but urine samples are a more common test for Ket/rohypnol according to google as they're more reliable). Neil reassures him and tries to gently jog his memory again.

Roger tells Emma that the landlord is pretty adamant that the witness is a man called Carl Caplan who is an insurance clerk in the day and a delivery driver at night. Sounds like a man with money issues no...? Two jobs? and one who frequents a pub often enough for a pint before doing his delivery driving job (...!) to be recognised?

Neil is concerned that the evidence is stacked against Smithy and MIT are working to that. Jack insists that he's still innocent and they will prove it.

Caplan is approached by Emma and Roger and brought in. Jack and Smithy think it's going to be good news. This is The Bill after all... how can it be? Frank praises his daughter and tells her she's too good for Sun Hill and that she should take the fast track option. She's adamant that Smithy is innocent as her team tell her. "If it's good enough for them...."

Caplan tells them that he is working two jobs because he's struggling financially after a messy divorce with maintenance, a house mortgage and rent for his bedsit. He tells them he was too scared to come forward because 'the way that man was driving, it was obvious that he meant to hurt that woman.' Carl seems shocked that Louise is dead and insists he was scared that the man would find out who he was and go after his kids. He seems awfully detailed on exactly what they should be told too. He tells them that he saw her as he passed the hotel, she was getting out of a car whilst reading a text message. There was no one else around and then a car came from nowhere and charged at her. He shouted look out to her and she ran but the car hit her. He says he got a good look at the driver and can identify him. He picks Smithy out of a WADS line up. Jack has to tell CID who clearly can't believe it either. Zain instantly points out that he's clearly a plant. Jack agrees - and tells Jo to set up financial checks into Caplan. "I don't believe this. Only one witness, who just happens to ID Smithy who just happens to be involved with the wife of one of London's biggest gangsters. Caplan has been briefed and placed at the scene!" Insists Zain. "Let's prove it." Jack adds.

Neil tells Yvonne that they've got the ID, Caplan identified Smithy... and Yvonne has to charge him as duty Sergeant - despite not agreeing with it. He's charged with Louise's murder in front of Frank, Adam and Neil in the Sgt's office...He remains silent for the entire time, even when he's lead to a cell, simply handing over his warrant card to Adam.

[britneyshakespeare]

Another Thing Wrong With The Former Gifted Kid Discourse, Since I Can't Stop Thinking About It:

people have such an unhelpful tendency to universalize their own experience when talking about the plights and struggles about Gifted Kids™—and what they are talking about is not necessarily invalid, but they're more often talking about their individual responses to their particular schools' policies. This Is Not A Systemic Analysis. it's helpful; i sympathize with you. But You Are Not Dismantling The Inequities by saying this or that happened At Your School when you were a child, and it affected you this or that way because of Who You Are.

example. i always see people talking about neurodivergence in this conversation, which is actually helpful in spotlighting how the Gifted Kid discourse often glosses over such complex intersectional issues. you can talk about how you were Gifted & Neurodivergent and how those experiences lead you to future disappointment. this is, i must stress, valid. but your analysis of your own life Is Not A Systemic Analysis. your experience alone will never speak for how the educational system and trends in policy among schools across the united states affect ALL neurodivergent people negatively because there are neurodivergent people who are Different From You. not to mention that when people point out that very often "Gifted Kid" usually correlates with some degrees of privilege, people push back and go nooooo I'm neurodivergent. people across all other marginalized identities who are systemically disadvantaged by the educational system can be neurodivergent. this does not make you, initially, when you were as a young Kid determined to be Gifted, NOT also in fact privileged.

if you are not ready to discuss experiences that were different from your own growing up, you aren't really engaging in the discourse of how to improve public education in the united states. it's a diiii-verse country we live in. not only in the ways we traditionally think of. when we think of "marginalized" or "oppressed" people, some specific and historically significant groups come to mind. when it comes to advantages that set up a child for future educational success, these broad categories often leave gaps because they lead people to generalizations, and ultimately, fatalism.

but there's really so much hope in early childhood education if we were to make things more equitable, ie like i always say UNIVERSAL PRE-K. these kids who are determined as "gifted" more often than not were just from more enriched home environments that prepared them for learning how to read, write, and do math. it's often not special innate abilities that leads to differences in outcomes for different students, but That's How The Kids Interpret It When Some of Them Are Called "Gifted." they're more often than not, not doing something that's truly exceptional or precocious for their age. they're displaying signs of age-appropriate development, when often, the kids who may be lagging behind them skill-wise just Haven't Practiced Those Skills As Much.

so yes, that's why there's a correlation in things like upper- and middle-class white kids being seemingly more successful in school (and more commonly deemed "gifted") at a young age. it's from privilege. it's not even just the implicit biases of their educators already working in their favor for their race and class. it's the fact that being more privileged, generally, means their family and parents had all of their basic needs provided for. they had more time to read with you. they could buy more development-promoting toys. they probably had better mental health to cope with the demands of child-rearing. if they suffered chronic or sudden physical health issues, they were insured. privileged children are usually less exposed at a younger age to the harshnesses of this world, as every child should be. ALL of these little advantages build up, in terms of what a child can be provided with before they go to school. anything that's going wrong in a child's family system can negatively impact them without them even being old enough to understand it.

you may not think of yourself as Privileged. you might prefer to think of yourself as Gifted. Gifted is so nice, even if it's demoted to Former Gifted. at one point you were told you were superior and it felt really good. and You, reader, i do not know You. i'm not calling You privileged, even if you are! hell, everyone's privileged in some way. i am at the point in the post where for transparency's sake i think i should say I Could Be What Some People Call "Former Gifted". i was called smart as a kid and given special homework sometimes etc. i'm not calling any Former Gifted people stupid for not realizing this either. what i mean is that this kids Are Not Usually Actually Gifted. this is a compliment given overwhelmingly to children who were just simply not deprived. when people say they were once Gifted, they're more often than not saying I Had The Early Opportunities To Learn Everyone Should Have, But Doesn't. this doesn't make you an outlier. It Might Just Be A Sign of Privilege.

[jayteacups]

Don’t you just love it when you have a complete crisis over every tiny aspect of your life???

[abstractmishaps]

Lower

You seem to think that I am one of you, seem to understand that because of your thoughts about me you stand at my level.

I am lower.

You dance around the words you want to say, faggot, tranny, cripple.

I am lower.

I am waiting for it to slip, it always does.

Because I am lower.

You mock my preferences because all you have ever known is fucking your wife.

But I am lower.

You let it slip finally and I am too focused on how I might need your help to tear you apart.

Because I am lower.

I feel the silence as I look into your eyes, I see that you know what you've done.

I am above you for this brief moment, but I am merciful.

I do not tell you that I have met dozens of men like you, that I know what is in your heart.

That I see the veneer of progressiveness, I see your shallow gloating of allyship, I see the way you talk about queerness, I see the way you lance subtle jabs at your partner, I see the way you crumple the second I look at you.

Because you know that I am above you.

I am lower on the food chain.

But a boar still gores the human, a cow crushed their skull, a raven feasts on the carcass.

I know what you are.

[aroacecatto]

i've been watching heartstopper, haven't finished yet but i wanted to say-

MAN. those scenes, those shots, depicting nick's genuine confusion and struggle with his identity & figuring out his sexual orientation? god man i am aroace, not bi, but that hits so close to home.

him realising he likes a dude as well sends him into a confusion about his hetero identity. and my confusion was around if i have even experienced a crush before, confusing aesthetic and platonic attraction and being genuinely confused!

and i didn't really know what asexual meant, so i spent some time half knowing i wasn't straight but not knowing what i was then. i had a moment thinking i was bi or pan cuz i felt equally the same to everyone

either way, heteronormativity, amatonormativity and all that has instilled expectations in all of us to the point that when something diverges from the norms. it's confusion time- like how can something i've grown up believing not be true? but identity is so much more fluid than that and those norms harms everyone

you gotta accept and love yourself no matter what, you gotta back yourself up or who else will? gotta remember that it's okay to have these feelings.

just figuring out and navigating and accepting your feelings... a whole 'nother journey

[cavefairy]

my day be so fine. then boom. edit ideas.

[jimmystrudel]

Sometimes I see rich, privileged Americans with eds getting tons of care and feel slapped in the face. Like the only Canadian (or maybe just Ontario?) neurosurgeon to perform CCI surgery is in prison for murder. The sole genetic clinic within 6 hours only sees eds patients who, either they themselves or a close relative, have had an aneurysm or hollow organ rupture, the clinic 6 hours away has a 2+ year waiting list. There are only 3 pts, a naturopath, a plastic surgeon and a peds ER nurse in my big city who know what they are doing without you having to bring your own research binder.

[smellovisionstatic]

I don’t think I’ll ever do traditional therapy mainly because I leech off the advice of the therapists my friends go to, but also because I can’t explain my current mental health situation without saying “gifted kid burnout” which I know isn’t the mental health issue of the year anymore but god if it isn’t still a cliche.

[a-shade-of-blue]

Hi everyone. Mohammed Khalil (@ahmed0khalil) has asked me to share his story, and I’m writing on his behalf. Mohammed created the donation campaign for his little brother 6-year-old Ahmed, and he aims to raise funds to evacuate his family of 8. You can see in his blog how much he loves and worries for 6-year-old Ahmed. Mohammed is only 19 years old. This is not normal. He should have been in school, not begging for our attention to try and raise enough funds so that they can buy food, water, medicine, and a chance to evacuate to safety.

In Gaza, where the sounds of bombing blend with the cries of children, Mohammed and Ahmed's family experienced days they never imagined they would endure. Mohammed (19) and Ahmed (6) have four other siblings: Fathi, Aya, Anas and Abdullah. Aya (21) is a uni nursing student and Anas (15) is also a school student. Neither of them can study anymore with the current genocide. This war is especially hard on Fathi (23), who is blind and suffering from coronary artery disease, Abdullah (11) who is autistic and does not understand what is happening, and Ahmed (6), a small child who had barely started kindergarten before his education came to a halt.

The destruction that struck the area left them with no place to live. The sounds of explosions fill the horizon, and the homes that once sheltered them have become piles of rubble. They suddenly found themselves outside their home, homeless.

The bombing not only destroyed their home, but also severely injured Mohammed. Mohammed was sitting at the entrance of the school his family was sheltering in when three bombs were dropped in front of him. The bombs destroyed a residential tower in front of Mohammed. Dust filled the air and the resulting rubble and shrapnel fell on Mohammed, injuring him in the leg. Mohammed was so severely wounded that he could not walk, and he had to lie there, hurt and bleeding, for 2 hours before the Palestinian Red Crescent came and carried him to the hospital.

The bombing shattered the glass in the school Mohammed and his family was staying at, but thankfully the children sustained no serious injuries. Soon after, they were asked to evacuate the school immediately as there were news that the IOF were going to bomb the Abbas prison near it. And so even though Mohammed was wounded, he could not rest and wait for his leg to heal, but had to leave again with his family.

Now they are living in a small tent in a refugee camp. Mohammed told me that they had to bathe in polluted water and the place smelled of sewage and corpses. Camp life was difficult not only because of the scarcity of food, the infectious disease, and the polluted water, but also because of the psychological torture they endure. Looking at all the devastation, and how the world seems indifferent to their suffering, Mohammed told me that they, including young innocent 6-year-old Ahmed, had begun to lose hope for a better future.

Internet is unstable and often lacking in the refugee camp. Mohammed is using the precious time when Internet is available to tell me his story. I hope you will not turn away their calls for help. They urgently need donations to provide for shelter, food, and medicine, as well as to evacuate out of Gaza. Donations are coming in really slowly for Mohammed’s campaign, and I beg all of you, please, don't turn a blind eye to his story. 

Mohammed’s campaign has been shared by 90-ghost and I’ve also been talking extensively with him. He is a very nice person and he just really wants to help his family survive. Please, please, help Mohammed evacuate himself, his 5 siblings and his parents! Little 6-year-old Ahmed does not deserve to live in fear of falling bombs every day, and neither does Mohammed and the rest of his family. 

Really low funds! Only €1,185 raised of €50,000 target!!

Please share/reblog and donate to help a family of 8! These are children we are talking about, and my heart breaks for what they have to endure.

Please follow Mohammed and Ahmed on @ahmed0khalil to get updates on their situation!

[b0rtney]

Wow u can just SMELL a persons proximity to privilege based on their X-men fanfic huh