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#i am not even sure if i had allowance to use internet at that age- i was allowed google at like 10 i think-
hero-israel · 28 days
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Last week, in my Discord group of about 60 lifelong friends (and I mean really lifelong, danced-at-the-wedding, phone-call-for-the-divorce friends), one person posted a "from the river to the sea" meme they'd found on Twitter. I made clear that it was a huge problem, that person apologized and deleted it, everyone else seemed supportive and understanding.
And surprised.
Because none of them - not ONE of them - had ever heard the term before, nor knew what the river or the sea were, nor had any clue it could possibly be seen as threatening. That included the person who posted it in the first place. These are all college graduates, some of them with post-college degrees, all liberal Democrats who agree with everything John Oliver ever said.
The discussion went as well and as supportively as it possibly could have, but I am still floored by how.... remote the topic was from all of their lives. Including how remote it was for other Jewish members of the group (though I can't help but notice that those other Jewish members are unaffiliated and don't have kids).
I bring this up because it shows that social media really can exaggerate the scale of threats we perceive and experience. And if you had told me that more than a week ago, I would have cut you off and said "Of course, I know that, I'm not naive" - but it still would never have occurred to me that it could reach such a degree. How constantly reading updates on war and hate and protests and threats really can give a distorted and inaccurate picture of the world.
One time on Reddit, I noticed a pro-Palestine account that was positively obsessed with the "boogaloo boys," a purported sub-set of white supremacists. This person mentioned "boogaloo boys" probably 80 times a week, in the context of how their racial civil war was about to begin and would target Arab-Americans first. And it really began to look weird - a focus beyond their importance. I'm sure nobody would ever want to meet a "boogaloo boy," of course, but I also think this person made more posts about that group than the number of members there are in the actual group.
Has anyone outside age 18-23 and outside a college campus ever met a member of SJP? They're pretty horrible people, but they go tabling right next to all sorts of splintercranks who dissolve once you graduate.
There is a real perceptual, emotional downside to seeking out hatred and threats so one can announce "Aha! Look at all this hatred and threats!". It is not only privilege that allows people to avoid some problems and conflicts - it can also be demographic, political reality. It is important to know who hates and threatens us - and also to remain members of "the reality-based community." Internet discussions are not real life, college campuses are not real life, internet discussions among college students are the least real of all.
Scott Alexander touched on this - how certain political beliefs can be avoided even without conscious effort:
According to Gallup polls, about 46% of Americans are creationists. Not just in the sense of believing God helped guide evolution. I mean they think evolution is a vile atheist lie and God created humans exactly as they exist right now. That’s half the country.
And I don’t have a single one of those people in my social circle. It’s not because I’m deliberately avoiding them; I’m pretty live-and-let-live politically, I wouldn’t ostracize someone just for some weird beliefs. And yet, even though I probably know about a hundred fifty people, I am pretty confident that not one of them is creationist. Odds of this happening by chance? 1/2^150 = 1/10^45 = approximately the chance of picking a particular atom if you are randomly selecting among all the atoms on Earth.
About forty percent of Americans want to ban gay marriage. I think if I really stretch it, maybe ten of my top hundred fifty friends might fall into this group. This is less astronomically unlikely; the odds are a mere one to one hundred quintillion against.
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dapg-otmebytheballs · 4 months
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SAY THE PARASOCIAL THING SAY IT
Aksjfhk okay
This got super long but basically I was thinking about that post about Phil being more open in his boundaries and I think he actually always has been! More under the cut
I think Phil has actually always been more self-assured in his interactions with the audience and I have some idea(?) of why that is. Phil has been around forever on YouTube, he is kind of a performer in a very classical way. You can see this in like how he carries himself in his liveshows, using very basic tenets of performance that we're taught like face the audience always and fill up any lulls in the conversation. There is always a screen between the creator and the audience, of course there is. But the culture we see now of internet celebrities and their audiences having very little boundaries because of how accessible creators have become to audiences wasn't as prominent back then. You understood as a creator that your audience will make whatever they want of what you're saying and you can't account for any bad faith readers. Phil always came across to me as someone who knew how much he wanted to put out there and was self assured in it. He doesn't feel the need to clarify stuff, and likewise engages with fandom in a similar good faith. What goes on in his life and what informs his thoughts, beyond what he shares, is none of our business, that was an understood thing and he's left it at that. And what fandom talks about, how we interpret stuff, how we do our parasocial shit is also not meant to be more than a performance, it isn't supposed to Say Something Serious about the creators, which is also understood. And though of course audience interactions started getting wildly out of hand some years after Phil started posting, he still is a product of a time where that wasn't how things are meant to be and he maintains that distance with ease. Thinking about stuff like draw Phil naked where he engaged with it in good humour, or how he didn't mind having sponsorships and clickbait titles because there's an implicit understanding that this is All A Performance so he doesn't have to try and "act authentic". There's a confidence he has in his role as an entertainer, and that informs how he interacts with us. (also I had expressed this all much better earlier but Tumblr ate it up so now I have to type it again sorry if this reads weird ;-;)
On the other hand, Dan seems to worry about all that stuff a Lot More. (And I was apprehensive about saying this so I thank anon here for allowing me to say my parasocial shit XD) And the thing is, the reason I notice that is Because I am literally like Dan about that stuff when interacting with an audience (I did some videos as well yeah, but also when I've organised events that I had to host, or presented poetry somewhere, etc etc) where I constantly feel the need to qualify everything I say and do very worried I'll come off as being maliciously bad, or even perceived as being a certain way or having a certain tone when I don't. I find it in rather positive ways with Dan too (like correcting language in old videos or pulling them off when there's something in there that aged badly or could be seen in bad taste). But other times I see reflected in him my own tendency to overcompensate (self referencing how he is making Easy-Content a la 'some shit a youtuber would do', making sure he doesn't come across as having the wrong political opinions by stressing on his principles when something like that comes up 'don't settle for neoliberalism' ((also he is totally correct and I actually do love those clarifications just fyi)) )
You can see this play out so well that time when Phil accidentally says 'cockies' instead of 'cookies' and Dan makes a 'cut that out' motion and Phil just laughs about it and corrects himself and Dan goes "Are you keeping that in??"
There's probably a lot of factors to why they have those particular styles of interacting, and really there's merit to both. Phil knows where the boundaries are and ever since him just speaking random shit hasn't had the extra issue of possibly outing Dan before he's ready, Phil has just gotten even more open with how he speaks, but I truly think he doesn't care as much what we think about him. It's like, what's going on in his life is none of our business and what we're making out of our parasocial relationship with him is none of his business, which is a great way of approaching being a creator and unfortunately something that is becoming less and less of an option as the culture shifts completely with generations that have been within this internet creator culture since they were born.
Dan having entered the scene later on when this kind of culture had started (plus of course his own issues that did Not help the situation) means that it made sense for him to approach us with that bit of hesitancy and that he continues to do so. I know I have that hesitancy about how I word things because I've also seen people be taken out of context and treated in really bad faith and that is a completely understandable thing to take into consideration.
But yeah Phil being the "quiet one" has never really meant that he is less certain/more shy to me, personally, I think he is an incredibly professional entertainer is the thing and I love love love that about him because he's of a dying species in the current climate.
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flutteringphalanges · 10 months
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The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Adam Warlock x Star Lord!Sister Reader
Prompt: All babies get sick. You knew that. And yet, when yours caught a cold, it was the worst feeling in the world. If it wasn’t for Adam, you’d really be a mess. Just another bump in the road of parenthood--but also another sign of how great of a father he truly was. 
Word Count: 1,613
A/N: Hello, hello! Another one shot installment to my Adam Warlock x Star Lord!Sister Reader baby series! Here is the LINK to the master-list of all of the one shots! Requests are open! To those who have sent some in, I promise I will get to them! I also plan to do more with Aydith being different ages besides a baby so please send some suggestions in if you’d like! Thank you guys so much for your support! Here we go! -Jen
                                   The Lion Sleeps Tonight
It was just a cold. A simple runny nose accompanied by the occasional cough and low grade fever. Something you had personal experience with in your (age) years of life. It was nothing. A mere inconvenience. But now, sickness played a different role since you became a parent--or, rather when your child fell ill. The feeling of helplessness brought on by not being able to take it away at once and give them comfort. It was just a cold, but it was your baby’s. That was one of the many awful feelings you felt. 
You watched with exhaustion as Adam paced around the room, lightly bouncing Aydith in his arms. She had been crying for what felt like an eternity now. It didn’t help that the damn cold hit right around when she had begun to really teeth. You were at a loss of what to do. Mantis had offered to put her asleep, but you didn’t want her to use any powers on your daughter. Not when she was so little. Not when you didn’t know how it could impact her. If you hadn’t brought her to Earth to visit your grandfather last weekend, this wouldn’t have happened. How were you supposed to know the bug was going around? 
“This is all my fault.” You exhaled, shaking your head. Gods, you just wanted to cry with her. “I exposed our baby and now she’s infected. I’m a horrible mother.”
Adam made his way over to you, Aydith’s cries only amplifying. At this point, you were quite sure that all of Knowhere had been awakened by them. How such a little thing could be so loud was a question you didn’t have an answer to. Just like how you didn’t have an answer as to how to ease your daughter’s distress. 
“This is no fault of yours, Y/N. And it is impossible for you to even be remotely considered a below average parent. Please don’t ever think like that.” He tried to assure you, his tone sympathetic. “I’ve done a great deal of reading and it is quite common for human infants to contract it. Our child is half Sovereign, I am more than certain that being so lessens the chances of this developing into anything serious.” 
He had done research. A lot of it. As soon as Aydith let out her first cough, Adam had gone into protective parent mode and scoured through the entirety of what felt like every medical file in the galactic internet in search of answers. Meanwhile, you had reluctantly allowed Nebula to run some scans knowing full well that your baby was more than safe. That the Luphomoid would never do something that would put her in harm’s way. Still you worried, even after your partner was relatively satisfied with what he found. 
“She sounds so miserable, and it’s like nothing I do makes any difference.” You looked over at Adam as he took a seat beside you. “I hate this. I hate this more than any of those assholes we’ve ever had to fight--and I’m not trying to be dramatic, but this is my baby and she is upset and nothing I try helps! I…” You inhaled deeply, trying to reel yourself back in. “When I first met you, I didn’t think it was possible to fall so deeply in love again--and even though this is a different kind of love, I just feel like I’m failing.” 
Adam’s cheek rested against the baby’s as he maneuvered her so he had a free arm to put around you. “Your feelings are more than valid, my love. I wish I could ease your stress equally as much as I wish for our daughter’s recovery.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to your temple. “You need your rest. I can tell you are very tired. Let me take care of Aydith.” 
You shook your head, fighting back a yawn. That would’ve only proved his point. “I’m fine.” You told him firmly. “I don’t need sleep. Not when she is like this.” 
“But you do, especially as you’ve had the same exposure as her.” Adam countered, gazing straight into your eyes. “You becoming sick like her won’t do either of you any benefits, my love, so please, I implore you to sleep. Please don’t make me call upon Mantis to assist you.” He really had an odd way of saying things sometimes. “Deal?”
Adam was right. You really needed to rest. All of your energy had been spent long ago worrying and taking care of your daughter. As much as you hated to admit it, you weren’t any use to her if you were out of commission yourself. Frowning softly, you gave in and nodded. 
“Okay.” You responded reluctantly, but finally agreed. “But if she seems like she is getting worse, you’ll get me up. And you won’t let me sleep too long.” 
“I suppose that is reasonable enough.” He accepted as Aydith whined, wriggling in his grasp. Adam shifted her to his other shoulder and gently patted her back. “I shall take her in another room so it is quieter for you. We’ll be fine, won’t we, my tiny comet?” 
Your mouth curved into a small smile, the first you’ve had in awhile. He was so good with her. So amazing that it made you love him that much more. You couldn’t ask for a better father for your child. And Gods did he adore her too. Talk about you hitting the jackpot. 
You leaned in, kissing Aydith’s flushed cheek. “Only a nap, nothing too long.” You reminded Adam, taking a moment to kiss him. “And if she gets worse…” 
“You have my word,Y/N. But I assure you, all will be well. Aydith is strong like her mother.” He hummed, glancing over at his daughter. “Now we will step out so you can sleep. I love you dearly and, though she cannot talk yet, I know Aydith shares my feelings too.” 
“I love you both too.” And you wished there was a more powerful word to convey that. 
Lying on your bed, you didn’t expect for you to fall asleep as quickly as you did. You honestly thought your body would fight your mind over remaining conscious. But you were gone. Floating in a dreamless state. A dark void enveloping you in a tight embrace. If it wasn’t for the distant sound of rhythm, perhaps you would’ve stayed there.
Your eyes opened, mind still fuzzy from sleep as you sat up. The music you heard was definitely there, not something you had dreamed up. And something about the tune felt so familiar. Adam and Aydith were nowhere to be seen--but what was more surprising, you couldn’t hear the softest of whimpers. Slightly worried, you forced your body up and made your way over to the doorway that led to the small space that served as your living room. The music grew louder as you quietly peeked in. 
The Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens. That’s why you recognized it. You didn’t remember much from your childhood on Earth, but you had the vaguest of memories of your mother playing that along with a few other songs when she was trying to coax you and Peter into falling asleep during a long car ride. You noticed the clunky radio Phyla had gifted to you--or rather, Aydith, as a present. The thing was pretty old and banged up, but that kinda gave it character. You looked away from it, your attention suddenly drawn to the figure standing right in the center of the room. 
What Adam was doing, you couldn’t exactly call it dancing. It was more so like a bobbing, rocking sort of motion that kinda gave off the impression of someone having literal ants in their pants. Sometimes he’d sway back and forth before immediately stopping in his tracks to do knee bends. It was the strangest and yet, oddly cute thing you’d ever seen him do. And when you listened closely, he was even singing under his breath. Until that moment, it hadn’t even clicked in your mind that he was still holding Aydith. Nor that she was finally asleep. 
“Hey.” You whispered, trying your best not to startle him. “Whatcha doing?” 
Adam’s head snapped in your direction. “Oh! I’m sorry, did I wake you?” You shook your head and he sighed in relief. “Good. I have successfully aided our child.” “I can see that.” You smiled, making your way over to him. “You give Peter a run for his money with those moves.” 
Adam beamed. “I call it The Dad Disco--I’m not quite sure what disco looks like, but I really liked the sound of it.” He looked down at the baby and you could’ve sworn his eyes sparkled. “I must admit, I was growing concerned but then when she finally fell asleep…well, I feel very accomplished now. I’m glad she’s out.”
“Me too.” You replied, admiring your daughter in his arms. “You’re an amazing dad, you know that?” 
“I certainly couldn’t do it without you. We make quite the team, don’t we?” Adam smiled at you.
“Yeah. I’d say we’re pretty great together.” You reached out and lightly touched her small hand. “She makes it all worth it, huh?” 
“Every millisecond.” He fell silent, eyes fixed on her before focusing on you. “If she stays asleep when I put her down in the crib, would you care to have a dance with me? I promise that we don’t have to do The Dad Disco. That’s more reserved for Aydith.” 
You gave him a grin. “I think I would like that very much.”
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jewishbarbies · 7 months
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Forgive me but I have so much I can say about this that it physically hurts that her fans believe this nonsense…
“she has always been on the frontlines of change in the industry and setting trends”
When?
“she literally changed the demographic of country music from just being for/about older women to teen girls”
There were female artists before that those “older women” listened to when they were teens. When Taylor’s fans are older women there will be a new singer that teens listen to. It’s how the music industry and freaking aging works. 
“she was one of the first people to really centralize social media in marketing”
She’s literally not. The singers that came up in the early 2000s are. They think 2006 is when the internet was being utilised for promoting singers because of Taylor. Google was invented in 1998. Social media & the internet was being used for almost a decade before. JLO is the reason google images was created for goodness sake.  
“she left RCA because she felt that even if they gave her a good deal they would diminish other writers on the label.”
Do they really think she’s the only so singer to leave or stand up to their label. Britney Spears stole her upcoming song from her label and released it to a radio station in 2004/05. 
“she unabashedly writes about her feelings as a young girl and a woman despite getting shit for it at every turn.”
Most female artists who came before her have struggled with this. Dolly Parton would win awards and get up on stage and not be allowed to speak because her MALE partner spoke for her. Even though Dolly was doing all the work. 
“she's one of the first artists to successfully transfer genres from country to pop.”
This is just false. It happens all the time. Not to mention it happens with different genres and artists all the time. 
“she stood up against streaming when literally no other artist did, got them to change some of their policies”
Because she’s the only one that is selfish enough to publicly pick a fight with someone and pretend it’s got nothing to do with her own bank account. Even when I was a fan of hers I knew she was doing it for herself. 
“yet now the exact thing she was worried about has happened.”
Because she was greedy and arrogant and didn’t buy the masters when they were offered to her because she thinks she better than everyone. 
“her move into pop music was completely different than the type of pop that was being made at the time and it influenced pop for years to come.”
Am I deaf? She stuck to the pop model created by those before her to make sure she was successful. Madonna, Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, Billie Eilish they all took risks with their music and careers to push the envelope and change the sound of pop. Not Taylor “stick to the formula” Swift. 
“all before the me too movement.”
The act TS did herself was admirable but this sentence. This belief that this Swiftie (and potentially other Swifties too) have is a slap in the face to what this movement initially represented and what it meant for women who had endured this. 
“her rerecording process is the first of its kind to be this successful and others are now following suit.”
Wtf does this sentence even mean. They don’t know sh*t about her recording process especially in comparison to other artist. Are they seriously so deluded to think no artist was successful before Taylor. How can they compare her to anyone if they believe this. This statement alone makes it sound like she is the reason music is successful. 
“the way she publicized her fight to own her masters”
Yes for public sympathy cause she’s a narcissist. 
“she also basically started the crop top set trend of the mid 2010s”
One quick google search and this is what I found. “Although the crop top first gained prominence in the fashion industry during the 1930s and 1940s - the latter in particular due to fabric rationing in World War II” I’m sure if I spent more time researching I could find more. But I also know it became very popular in the 1970s with men and carried in through to the 80s and 90s for men and women. Then the 2000s was when the trend reignited. 
“heavily influenced the twee fashion of early 2010s”
This is not the compliment they think it is. This fashion trend is layered with the issues. Her racist fans probably love it because it’s a style that is deemed acceptable by those Hampton holidaying rich white mothers and fathers that got sent to boarding school in England when they were young (I hope that analogy makes sense). It was also equated to thinness particularly at the time it was popularised. Not to mention you google Twee and the pictures you see are if Jess from New Girl, Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (a character from a 2000s show) and Alexa Chung. 
Also such a bizarre way to end their long winded rant. 
They are all so blatantly ignorant and stupid. I wasn’t going to say stupid but it really is all it is at this point. They are stuck in this cult they can’t even make reasonable arguments anymore. It’s exhausting constantly being bombarded with them all in every facet of life. I see so many videos of Swifties singing her music in public settings like that video of them on the plane, if I was on that plane I’d have jumped out of it, and it’s just infuriating the lack of respect they have for the rest of the world. Yet they expect everyone to respect and worship their cult leader. It’s disgusting and exhausting. 
Sorry this was so long. I don’t have many followers and I know you’re a safe space for people who don’t like her. And I feel like this is something others might agree with. 
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canmom · 6 months
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i was a very online teenager. i struggled with in-person interpersonal relationships and spent a lot of time on a much less sanded down internet than the one we have today. and my peers at school were on that same internet.
so of course i saw porn of various kinds, from goofy flash videos to the standard catalogue of shock images (goatse, meatspin etc.). like most kids my age, we took it mostly as a big joke. it was exciting mostly only because it was forbidden, like swearing. so people would talk about something like 2girls1cup, and whether you'd seen it, in much the same way you'd talk about having seen gory shock horror films like Saw. none of this was particularly upsetting or shocking. (i found gore way more discomforting, in general.)
even so, the whole environment was rife with repression. and frankly, 'imply someone is gay' ('batty boy' is one especially goofy slur i remember) being a default category of joke did way more damage than knowing some people are into scat or playing a flash game where you can see a drawing of some boobs. implicitly sexual insults would be common, often playing on someone's naivete. i got very used to 'do you have ginger pubes'. tricking someone into saying something 'sexual' without understanding, and then laughing at them, was another one - i suppose it functioned a way of showing your proximity to the mysterious adult world of knowing about sex.
so after a few years of that, i went through a whole period of just... trying to distance myself from having anything to do with sex. we didn't have 'asexuality' language back then, but i probably would have jumped on it if it had been available. 'sex is gross' was the only frame i had to distance myself from how my classmates talked about sexuality, because i didn't have a handle on what was really up, just that i didn't like it. projecting 'i am above it all and find it disgusting' was a form of armour that calcified around me and ultimately did tons of damage to my ability to understand my own feelings. as i got older, this got mixed up in the moralistic rhetoric of online 'social justice'.
when i got to university and finally started to knock down that wall, i had to speedrun figuring out "how to do relationship". (i dived into polyamory head first, and of course that all went as badly as first relationships usually do.) it's been messy.
i reckon if i'd been willing to approach subcultures as a teenager that had given more room to experiment with like, desire and expression and so on... like if i hadn't let the background contempt get under my skin, for the emos and furries and whatever other 'having too much of the wrong kind of fun' social group we were all supposed to hate... i would probably have been a lot happier! if i'd had any out gay people around me before age 17!
the idea of trying to make sure people never see anything ever related to sex until they're 18, outside of whatever the government deigns to allow to be said in sex ed class, is so hopelessly arse-backwards. it's not going to work - a generation that grew up on the internet is going to be way better at getting to what they want to see than the censors are at blocking it, so the main function of the censorship is to reinforce the idea that they're looking at something shameful and secret. it's not going to protect kids - if anything i suspect it's going to make them more vulnerable to exploitation and mistreatment, either by adults who can offer 'access to the forbidden secrets of sexuality', or by their peers by producing this dumbass hierarchy. and tbh i think knowing about all the weird fetishes there are in the world is actually a really beneficial thing, in the same category of 'seeing your grandma's tits at the spa'.
unless, i guess, what you really want to do is teach everyone how to bypass censorship and distrust authority figures? i think there might be better ways to do that, though!
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cillmequick · 9 months
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Now that we know what Mrs M thinks about that look, maybe she can share how the boys felt about it? I bet they're embarrassed by their old man trying to be fashionable 🤭
How did I forgot to include this in her last answer?! In fairness she was pretty distracted by The Shirt. Alright, let me see if she can join us again to tell you all about it…
Note: this seemed to go down well yesterday, so here we go again! If you have any other questions you would like Mrs M to answer, send them in! And as before, if you have no idea who she is, check out The Lockdown Sessions, xx
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Muffled voices
Alex: Tumblr has more questions for you, are you busy?
Mrs M: What, already? What about?
Alex: They want to know about the boys reaction to The Shirt.
Mrs M: *cackling* Oh yeah, ok, I’m definitely free to talk about that!
Microphone feedback screech
Shit, why does it always do that?! Sorry everyone. Hello again! I didn’t expect to be allowed back so soon. And luckily Cill has no idea I’m doing this 🤭
I realised afterwards that I didn’t fully answer Ava’s @moral-terpitude question because she asked me what I thought of the photos and I got over-excited just talking about his outfits. And I think it’s safe to say that the reaction to the coverage of The Shirt ™️ has been… mixed in the Murphy household.
I, obviously, think it’s great and honestly, I every time a new photo of him appeared on Friday it seemed to get better and better. Though I never realised he had such trouble keeping his tongue in his mouth… food for thought girls.
The boys however…. let’s just say that being almost 18 and just 14, and having your dad posing in public and to huge internet interest in a sheer shirt, is not quite as cool as you might think 🙈 Though thinking about it, I’m not sure that would ever be cool… 😂 Though my dad definitely wouldn’t have had the skills to pull it off like Cillian did.
Finn has now reached the age where he’s beginning to find me and his dad generally disgusting (actually I think he’s been like that for a while now, encouraged by his big brother). Apparently after seeing the coverage coming through on Thursday afternoon, he tried to convince his auntie Orla to let him stay off school on Friday because, and I quote, ‘how am I supposed to go in when dad’s being so embarrassing’.
Eoin on the other hand has surprised me completely by leaning into it. He’s still disgusted by any sign of affection between us but he’s growing out of being mortified by his dad’s general existence and has discovered that being the son of (and who looks a bit like) a famous actor that girls fancy means he gets a lot more female attention than he might have otherwise. (As an aside, I do find the whole 16/17 year olds calling my husband ‘daddy’ troubling, I have to be honest. But live and let live I say). Anyway, he’s been glued to his phone even more intently since we got home on Friday afternoon and judging by the smirking, it’s not his mates he’s texting. Or tiktoking… I’m officially too old to understand that shit.
Of course, to his face, he still told Cill that it was mortifying for a man his age to be getting half-naked (his words, though I feel like there’s still a long road of nudity that he could walk down if he wanted to.. and that I might encourage 🤭) in public. Which may or may not have reopened the discussion about what else his darling father has been recently doing in public too 😂 Which Cill took really well… which is to say that he sent Eoin to his room (I intervened, it was fine but let’s just say Friday night dinner was slightly more intense than I’d expected!).
Anyway, I’d best go because it’s Sunday evening and you can guarantee Finn hasn’t done his Spanish homework. Which means I’m learning Spanish by proxy of making him do it.
Have lovely evenings everyone! Oh, and Scout says hello, he’s been trying to sit on my lap since I started this, like he’s not a fucking enormous brute 😂 Byeee! xx
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Tag list: @runnning-outof-time , @zablife , @gypsy-girl-08 , @look-at-the-soul , @buttercupsandboys , @notyour-valentine , @valentinabloom , @elliotshelbyjones , @shelbydelrey , @theshelbyclan , @theshelbyslimited , @pintofsweets , @flyingjosephine-blog , @christinasyellowflowers , @midnightmagpiemama , @l1-l4 , @allie131313 , @star017 , @lespendy , @heidimoreton , @dragons-are-my-favorite , @raincoffeeandfandoms , @cillianmxrphy , @alessioayla , @lyarr24 , @dumb-fawkin-bitch , @forgottenpeakywriter , @kittycatcait219 , @cybernuttragedy456 , @babaohhhriley , @watersquirtpewpewboomm , @stevie75 , @padfootdaredmetoo , @moral-terpitude , @shaddixlife , @peakyscillian , @majesticcmey (unable to tag) , @rangerelik , @guenievresworld , @margew76 , @camilleholland89 , @woofgocows , @cilliansangel (unable to tag) , @cljordan-imperium , @elenavampire21 , @elk96 , @esposadomd , @grapejuiceblues , @throughgoeshamilton , @polishcrazyone , @shjjpm , @duckybird101 , @maeleeme
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my-autism-adhd-blog · 6 months
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Hi! I really like your blog, and I hope this ask isn't insensitive in any way. Apologies in advance for the long ask, and it is totally fine if you choose to ignore.
I have ADHD, and recently my psychologist and I have been discussing I might also have autism. I meet all of the diagnostic criteria in social deficits/interactions, and I also have strong sensory issues.
The thing is, I also have some severe childhood trauma which I won't dump here, but the gist of it is that I was extremely, totally isolated as a kid (I was pulled out of school when I was 11, and my internet access was very limited, so ages 11-18 I had almost no interaction with anyone except my shitty parents) (I'm in my mid 20s now). From what I can remember before that, I didn't have any of the autistic social traits/symptoms that I do now, and I can connect a lot of my social traits back to that trauma (eg. I don't always understand social interactions because I went years without social interactions; I speak overly formally because I didn't have anyone to talk to and got most of my language from books; I have strong interests in some things because they were a comfort during that traumatic time period; I struggle with eye contact because I either wasn't allowed to or was traumatically forced to make eye contact during that period). I am also pretty sure that sensory sensitivities can be a symptom of ADHD (which I've definitely had since a kid).
But... I do still fit all the diagnostic criteria for autism. I've spent years in therapy since moving out, and massively improved my mental health. But many of my "social deficits" remain, because they don't bother me- even though they may have come from trauma, they don't feel like a trauma response now if that makes sense, that's just who I am.
All of this is to say: do you know if there is any evidence or resources on autism coming from childhood trauma? I'm almost scared to ask, because I feel like that might frame autistic people as all "traumatized" or who need to be "cured of trauma" or something. But I know I wasn't always like this, even though I fit the diagnostic criteria now. Reading about autism has helped me better understand myself and develop helpful coping mechanisms, which has in turn genuinely improved my mental health. I've wondered if it might be useful to just tell some of my close friends that I'm autistic, to help them better understand the way I think and function. Even though I'm like this due to trauma, I relate so strongly to everything I've read about autism and do fit the diagnostic criteria. (I scored a 140 on the RAADS-R, if that helps.) However, I also don't know if that would be a rude thing to do if I might not actually have autism.
In summary, do you know if there are any resources relating autism to childhood/adolescent development? Is this something that is even possible? Finally, would it be damaging in any way to autistic people if I told people I'm autistic when it might actually just be trauma?
Thank you and I'm very sorry for the long ask. I hope you are doing well and I really appreciate your blog, it has been an amazing resource. I do hope this isn't insensitive or an ableist way of thinking at all.
Hi there,
Unfortunately trauma and autism cooccur together. Many autistic people experience PTSD, myself included.
TW: Suicide/Trauma Mention
(I’ve been in two car wrecks, lost my uncle and biological mother, and even tried to commit suicide in 2019).
I found some information from Neurodivergent Insights that has an Infograph about this:
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According to the article:
Autism and trauma co-occur at high rates. Despite how commonly trauma and autism co-occur, there is limited research on this, and it is rarely talked about in clinical training. ⁠Autistics are more at risk of PTSD due to several factors:
• We have more vulnerable neurobiology (more reactive nervous systems)
• Increased risk of victimization
• Sensitive sensory profiles that encode memory with more intensity
•The stress of navigating an allistic world.
Women and genderqueer people are particularly vulnerable to PTSD (Haruvi-Lamdan, 2020). Following is a summary of the research cited in the above image:
• Rumball et al. (2020) study found that approximately 60% of autistics reported probably PTSD in their lifetime (compare this to 4.5% of the general population).
• Haruvi-Lamdan et al., 2020 study found that 32% of their Autistic participants had probable PTSD compared to 4% of the non-autistic population.
• Fenning et al, 2019  research demonstrated that autistic children had more reactive nervous systems. This aligns with similar research that has identified the autistic nervous system to be less flexible (Thapa and Alvares, 2019). Less flexible nervous systems have a more difficult time coping with acute stressors and may contribute to increased hyperactivation of the nervous system following trauma.
• Neurodivergent (ADHD/Autism) neurobiology is more vulnerable and reactive: (Beauchaine et al., 2013)
• We are more vulnerable to social victimization and marginalization. In the Haruvi-Lamdan et al., 2020 females with autism (but not males) reported more negative life events, particularly social events, than typical adults.
• Brown-Lavoie et al., 2014 found that 70% of Autistic adults reported experiencing some form of sexual victimization after the age of 14 (compared to 45% of the control group).
I hope this helped answer some of you questions. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️
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swallowerofdharma · 25 days
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Over Casca’s naked body
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Part one: A long premise
We can’t escape from our geopolitical context even when we are reading manga. We have internalized a good amount of beliefs, values, practices, even regulations from our lived experiences and various simulacra we have been exposed to, especially those in an audiovisual form.
If you grew up in the US, you know that freedom of speech is a core value there. But, while you can say mostly whatever you want within your own country, the US constitution has given the government the right to regulate what comes in from abroad. [1]
And that power has been used. Idealistically, greater access to common technologies even before the internet should have seen a redistribution of the media-creating capacity to many foreign countries outside of the US, so that people could tell their stories. But that hasn���t always been the case, with some exceptions, especially if we consider the biggest narratives that reached global popularity.
During the Cold War, anything that might be considered “communist propaganda” could be seized by the Post Office and never delivered. Books or even souvenirs from communist countries, for instance. Pamphlets criticizing US foreign policy. (…) Obviously it wasn’t totally like North Korea, plenty of foreign movies and music were allowed into the US. But the media that caught on was either already Americanized, or so plastically exotic that it doesn’t really say anything about the culture where it is from. The Beatles were British, but they got their start covering American rock and roll musicians. When John Lennon stepped out of the line, the American government made sure that he knew it. Movies imported from Japan were mostly samurai flicks, with very few movies set in the modern day. The film Ikiru is widely considered the best Japanese film ever made (…) but this existential drama about a depressed lonely man was only given a limited release in California, and the poster was edited to feature a stripper who is only in the movie for one minute. The narrow stream of European movies that made into the USA came in the form of the French New Wave cinema, movies that were stylistically inspired by American films, but also so stuffy that few audiences would ever want to watch them anyway. This was further stifled by the Hays Code, a set of extremely strict regulations that were in place from 1934 to 1968. (…) Some things that were completely banned from ever being shown in any film included: bad guys winning. All movies must end with the police outwitting the evil criminals, or the criminals causing their own demise. Any nudity. (…) Blood or dead bodies. (…) Interracial couples. White people as slaves. Criticism of religion, or of any other country. Naturally this prevented the more artistically liberal European films from being shown in American cinemas and when they did get a release, they were usually edited (…). At least until the rules were abolished in 1968 and replaced by the age rating system we have today. [1]
Even after several decades of access to the internet and foreign cultures, some attitudes have been internalized and carried on. For example, I had direct experience of the ways my own culture has been perceived and stereotyped or interpreted in terms not dissimilar from the exotic. And the same happens to me probably if I don’t keep in check my own personal beliefs about cultures that have been presented to me in similar ways. And I was surprised to see by how deeply rooted and spread are certain attitudes towards punishment or violent retribution viewed as necessary, the policing and self policing, and the expression of judgments or condemnation, and all this can complicate the understanding of different forms of narratives and the acceptance of different cultural attitudes and norms, without the expression of any opinion about morality or legitimacy.
I am reminding you that this is a long premise because I evidently don’t have the gift of brevity but this article is about Berserk and Casca.
In 1956 Anna Magnani won the Academy Award for Best Actress for her first English-speaking role in the American movie The Rose Tattoo. In 1958 Miyoshi Umeki was the first Asian born actress to win an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in Sayonara, a movie that despite its title was an American drama starring Marlon Brando. It isn’t hard to see in these decisions from the Academy, or the ones that followed in other categories, the willingness to build relationships between the US and specific foreign countries where the American army had a massive presence and that after WWII were ideal places for American investors, considering significant rebuilding necessary after the loss in the war. The movie industry and everything around it had instrumental roles. When it comes to the Academy Award, it is very interesting to notice that the women were the first ones to be nominated, becoming ambassadors and facilitators of the reshaping of the images of Italy and Japan from enemies to new essential strategic allies in the Cold War. And here comes the problem of the exotic, because after several decades I still see similarities in the American perception of those foreign cultures, Italian and Japanese, to those easy and friendly and intentionally constructed imaginaries of that time. Take the press around Anna Magnani or Miyoshi Umeki for example. Terms are so widely used and repeated that they are still in their Wikipedia pages in English today. For what interests me here, I am going to quote or summarize parts of the video essay listed below as [2] but I really recommend watching it entirely. It really helped me understand some of the issues I am talking about here, but it is much more than just this. And there is footage worth the time. [I know that many people here on tumblr really dislike YouTube videos. I understand why, when it comes to manga and anime, written articles have still better quality and content, in my opinion, but there are also many video essayists doing their due diligence on several other topics. And when I am busy cooking I put them on].
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In the 1950s one of the problem with the new alliance with Japan was the widespread hate and racism towards Japanese people.
The government stepped in, producing educational films meant to endear Japanese culture to Americans (…) They showed off Japanese industry, introduced Americans to sushi and sumo wrestling, explained the country’s new democratic system et cetera. (…) A lot of [musical] acts that were popular with American soldiers, specifically exoticized Asian girls bands, like the Kim sisters and the Tokyo Happycoats, come over to the US and appear on television as both entertainment and a sort of cultural ambassadors, not only demonstrating America’s cultural power and dominance by performing recognizable American tunes, but also signaling to white Americans that those cultures didn’t pose a threat. (…)
It’s worth looking at this film [Sayonara] as part of a larger theme in a very specific post war moment. Gina Marchetti points out in her book Romance and the yellow peril: «Between June 22, 1947, and December 31, 1952, 10517 American citizens, principally Armed Services Personnel, married Japanese women. Over 75% of the total Americans are Caucasian». Meaning, Japanese war brides and the concept of interracial marriages was very much a conversation. (…) Sayonara must be seen as one of many films which called for a new evaluation of Japan as an enemy nation. (…) Much of the way [Miyoshi Umeki] was discussed is probably exactly how you might expect. The language journalists used to describe her was unambiguously racialized and often condescending. In the aftermath of her Oscar win, for example, Louella Parsons called her «a lovely little bit of Japanese porcelain», adding: «What a cute little thing she was in her native costume». Still, her Japanese identity also seemed to serve as a symbol, an embodiment of the new friendly Japan. In Miyoshi, Americans would find an idealized portrait of reconciliation, a woman who bore no resentment over the war, a woman who brought homesick American troops to tears by singing White Christmas, who adored American pizza, who learned English by listening to American records. She was accepted because she actively appreciated and participated in American culture. [2]
The roles offered to Miyoshi Umeki are significant in many ways. After Sayonara, she was cast to play other Asian characters besides Japanese ones. One recurring theme in those movies in particular is the contrast between modernity and tradition.
William G. Hyland writes, Flower Drum Song is a «clash between the Americanized lifestyle of the young Chinese and the traditions of their parents». (…) Miyoshi Umeki plays Mei Lee, a Chinese stowaway who arrives in the US for an arranged marriage. The more Americanized she becomes the more independent, the more willing she is to strike out on her own. [Chang-Hee] Kim writes: «[Flower Drum Song] flamboyantly shows that Asians in America were ready and willing to cast off their heritage and become real Americans in repudiation of the pre-war racial consideration of Asians as permanent aliens». I mention this not only because it’s one of Miyoshi’s major roles, but also because this theme, a supposed enlightenment via westernization, occurs again and again in her filmography, particularly in her work on television. Han [?] writes «Umeki’s representation on television is in constant oscillation between her status as a subservient Asian woman and her transformation into an assertive, modern female professional who has achieved independence through American cultural influence». [2]
Bear with me for a little longer if you can, because we are at the point where, watching the video, I experienced that sensation better translated visually in a lightbulb being turned on. I am skipping here the presentation of the story and footage from Miyoshi’s first appearance on television in The Donna Reed Show, but I once again invite readers to watch the video, which features high quality original footage. I was really struck by the “sensitive way” the American woman - Donna Reed I presumed - approaches the character played by Miyoshi, as the writers back then were well aware of the sensitive racial implications, and nevertheless a certain mentality pushes thought. Watching still, it is easier to avoid the presumption that in the 1960s “they didn’t know better” or that contemporary attitudes have improved greatly, just because we are more careful about the language we use.
The thesis statement of this episode is not subtle. The rejection of traditional Japanese customs allows her to live more fully in a democracy. Of course it isn’t really much of a choice, is it. Maintaining the customs of your culture or risking alienating your entire community. She changes her clothes, puts on a hat and goes shopping because she is an American now. Obviously these stories are told from the white American perspective, where this rejection of tradition and culture is portrayed as unambiguously positive and relatively tension free. This was not the case in Japan where the relationship between modernity and tradition were richly explored in cinema, particularly in women’s films. [2]
I would like to add that the independence that Donna’s character shows is only possible because of a series of factors, including the fact that her husband secures her a higher level of comforts, in comparison with lower classes or non-white Americans, and that domestic work is presumably done by home electrical appliances or other women, especially when you add child care and looking after the elderly to the equation. The unwillingness to consider those types of labor, traditionally carried on by women, as of equal importance to any other jobs is rarely discussed when it comes to the issue of women’s emancipation. Not to mention how, alongside this idyllic world shown on television, in the same country large numbers of women have to deal with continuous push backs in the name of different traditional values that all the same prevent many of them from achieving true equality. Those types of conversation and conflicts between traditional and modern happens at the same time in many countries and in most cases translates to continuous negotiations and compromises carried by men and women in real contexts and real situations, without necessarily white American women being aware of it or of all the necessary nuances.
Let me add this last element of conclusion about Miyoshi Umeki’s story.
In 2018 her son told Entertainment Weekly that in the 1970s she etched out her name on her Oscar and then threw the trophy away. Although he isn’t sure exactly why she did it he said: «She told me, I know who I am and I know what I did. It was a point of hers to teach me a lesson that the material things are not who she was». What Miyoshi Umeki achieved is pretty remarkable but one can’t help but feel that she could probably have done a lot more if she’d been allowed to move beyond her identity. [2]
Part two: Are we reading the same manga?
After considering all this, and more that I can possibly include in here to avoid this being even lengthier, I can’t help but wonder about the generalizations I have seen repeated vastly about portrayals of women in Japanese media, as well as misunderstanding of cultural attitudes towards nudity or the treatment of sensitive topics like sexuality and rape. There is a diffuse certain sense of entitlement, sometimes you can hear a condescending tone even, and this isn’t limited to the US. But why approach a foreign culture with a patronizing attitude instead of trying to understand the context more deeply? So many manga readers are willing to ask for clarification on translations, but not many ask about the context or the visual aspects involved in manga writing. I like to read analysis about different topics, so I look for them in English too because they are very numerous and easily accessible, but when it comes to the critique about the portrayal of women in too many cases I have to click away because of too many bias or that subtle sense of superiority of judgment. Berserk has become easily accessible and more and more popular but it is so greatly misunderstood at various degrees by a lot of its western readers - me included - and I really wanted to understand what is preventing, in most cases, a textual and contextual analysis.
The Hays Code hasn’t been around since 1968 but the sentiment that the only proper conclusion for every story is the triumph of the good guys and the punishment for the wicked is very much alive and well. There is this conviction that the only clever readers are those able to separate the heroes from the villains, or the good deeds from evil, and root for the right side to achieve retribution and satisfaction. The Hays Code hasn’t been enforced officially but it’s there in essence and every counter narrative has been rendered almost ineffective or judged poorly. As for the treatment of women, I don’t feel like we can honestly and surely compare or scrutinize Japanese media under special lenses. Nudity in comic books seems to me to be very common outside of Japan too, depending on censorship rules. I certainly notice how frequently Casca is shown naked or has been threatened with sexual violence, but I also notice that she isn’t the only one. The exaggeration of Guts’ muscles and the mutilation of his body are largely put on display. Griffith is intentionally shown fully naked, or completely covered by an elaborate armor, and he is subjected to many threats of physical and sexual violence as well. Charlotte is shown naked, but always in her bedroom, in a private environment or with a transparent cloth or a sheet of some kind to make her nudity different from the occasions when Casca’s body is publicly displayed. I am careful with my own thoughts when I read Berserk, I take the time to analyze my reactions and what I am feeling in these situations. I think that this is the reason that certain books or media are intentionally aimed to adults. I don’t feel a necessity to call to censorship or to give guidance of a moral kind but rather to make the necessary reflections. And I can’t imagine how someone can understand the story without taking their time with it. Part three: Casca’s rape
In 1973 the animation studio Mushi Production released a film called Belladonna of Sadness. I haven’t seen it yet but I know a little about it and I am planning to watch it when I feel like I can do it without being affected in a bad way. It is well known that Miura remembered this film when he designed the Eclipse. In 1975 Pier Paolo Pasolini directed the film Salò or the 120 Days of Sodom, which I strongly don’t recommend to the casual viewer or anyone who felt even slightly offended by Berserk. Suffice to say that in a particular political climate and in the context of the sexual revolution of the late 1960s, in the 1970s nudity and sexuality were at the forefront of the debate and human bodies were exhibited in a symbolic way that can be misunderstood today without knowledge of the context. Gender expression was questioned and men grew their hair or refused to wear suits or to follow rigid dress codes regardless of their sexual orientation. Sexual acts were considered political acts in ways that aren’t comparable with today for many reasons. The languages, the words and the visuals we use are ever changing and actual for a moment and gone the next one or misunderstood. Many words used by queer people in the 1970s wouldn’t be received well today, because the context has been transformed. For what I understand, in films like Belladonna of Sadness and Salò rape and cruelty are preeminently used as symbols because rape and cruelty presented in a direct visual form effect greatly any type of audience and can’t go unnoticed. The sociopolitical climate in the 1970s, in the middle of the Cold War, was particularly violent, both in Italy and Japan, and the art of the time can be remarkably bleak. [Go Nagai’s Devilman was published between 1972 and 1973, Osamu Tezuka’s MW was published between 1976 and 1978, Takemiya Keiko’s Kaze to Ki no Uta was also published between 1976 and 1984].
Kentarō Miura was born in 1966, he breathed the air and grew up in that same climate and was influenced and informed by it, especially later, when he finds himself as a young man in the renewed bleakness of the 1990s. It is likely that he saw Belladonna of Sadness when he was old enough, when he started to develop the story of Berserk, and after being greatly influenced by Nagai’s Devilman. The number of sources of inspirations that Miura used for Berserk is vast, varied and multidimensional and includes books and novels and films of various genres (historical, fantasy, horror, sci-fi in particular) manga, foreign comics books, and traditional art. It is often pointed out among fans that he was also a big fan of Star Wars. Pop Culture Detective released a very interesting video essay called Predatory Romance in Harrison Ford Movies [3] that brought to my attention many things that I didn’t notice or thought about when I was seeing those films myself as a young girl [I am more or less a decade younger than Miura fyi]. Analyzing Star Wars, Indiana Jones or Blade Runner with particular attention to the relationship between the male lead, Ford, and women is an interesting exercise and helps to re-contextualize our judgment about the treatment of women across different media with arguably less reach than Star Wars. I am not inviting anyone to make comparisons and ranking which is better, or absolve Miura because he was influenced by the context around him as everyone else, but I am asking to let go of the presumption that Japanese media in particular presents problematic attitudes towards women by default. The problems are much more generalized than we’d probably like. Better analysis or methodologies are needed to make a proper assessment, and we really shouldn’t assume by default that manga (for boys and men) equals bad treatment of women.
I hope that someone is still reading after such a long time. I didn’t know how to make my point on Casca without at least presenting some of these considerations. I must say I have understood myself better, having questioned why I was feeling uncomfortable when reading Casca but not offended. I understood that Miura wanted me to feel that way, uncomfortable, horrified, and I can appreciate Berserk better [in particular as a person that wasn’t permitted to live in a female body without a certain type of violence].
As stated previously, I noticed that Casca is more exposed and shown in all her vulnerability in much extreme situations: to multiple men in very public displays, like on the battlefield or at the center of the circle of Apostles in the Eclipse. She is also shown naked and vulnerable in other moments, especially alone with Guts. Those intimate moments with Guts, during the Golden Age, are instrumental for the readers to see her in all her humanity, without the armor, or the female dress, in order to build an emotional connection with her. In the cave, Casca makes herself emotionally vulnerable in front of Guts for the first time and tells him her story, exposing her past, her goals and her true self. She tells him things about Grittith too, things that are meant to show Guts/the readers Griffith as much naked, vulnerable and human as she is. Let’s pay attention and try to recollect Guts’ reactions to her story: he is listening to her, but he is embarrassed, distracted and attracted by her nudity and he fails to see Griffith as a human being, potentially fallible and not much different from Casca or himself. Guts also fails to take away from the story the original message, something more than Casca’s infatuation with Griffith as part of her being a woman. Comparing Guts’ reactions to Casca’s nakedness, his recollections or focus on the conversation, what he takes from it and what he doesn’t: a big part of the male readership of Berserk is probably in his same situation. It isn’t till later by the waterfall, that we see Casca alone with Guts again in an intimate way. This time he is naked and vulnerable and completely exposed too. This time through the physical connection between the two, within the sexual act, Guts can’t hide himself anymore, can’t deflect from his past and his fears. I assume that that is an important moment for the male readership to start to feel emotionally invested in the connection between Guts and Casca. That emotional connection and the investment in the relationship helps them to see Casca as a human being through the Eclipse and if that didn’t work then they still can see and feel the horror of the rape of Casca through Guts. Because Miura didn’t want anyone to enjoy that scene or to be sexually aroused without at least the horror and the moral objection to it.
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Casca is a woman of color, born in a disadvantaged family and community, that ended up in a mercenary group without achieving the things she wanted, never fully belonging and constantly threatened by groups of men on the enemy side with forms of violence specifically targeted and unnecessary cruel. And everything she goes through culminates or goes back to the Eclipse - before and after - and that should be taken as completely symbolic. Like the multiple instances of rape in Pasolini’s Salò, the innocent, poor and exploitable youth is violated by those in power or those who are in charge. Gambino decides that Guts is expendable or due a lesson in humility, he takes the money and coldly facilitates Guts’ rape. Gennon is rich and powerful and pretends to recreate his fantasy, a sick version of Greek ped*philia. And all he does is using money and power to horrifically exploit the youth and Griffith offers himself up and loses a fundamental part of himself in the process. But the most cruel thing in Berserk is Griffith surrendering to the call of power and doing the same thing to Casca, in the absence of lust or desire: the corruption that has been in him - and has reached Guts as well - has spread. Griffith’s surrender to the call of power, and his intolerance for more of his own pain, silences all empathy in him.
In conclusion, nudity has various narrative functions, beside the suggestion of the erotic: through each character’s naked body, male or female, we see their vulnerability and their fundamental humanity [and if I remember correctly in contrast the rapists are always dressed or covered]. And rape has a symbolic meaning, beside the literal one and the psychological exploration of trauma. Violence but in particular sexual violence is one of the most estreme and powerful tools that can be used in stories [especially in visual media], but unfortunately the overuse of it in an edulcorate format, or as a tease, or devoid of any meaning, has ceased to call for disgust and challenge us to think, has perhaps lessen the impact and the gravity around it. In the 1970s Pasolini saw the dark side of the sexual revolution and how the rich and powerful were willing to build economic empires just to have access to the youth and to the most beautiful women. But he wasn’t the only one. We should reconsider Belladonna of Sadness and the original meaning of those themes in films or later in manga like Berserk and think about it deeply and seriously and not approach every piece of art as entertainment.
Videography:
How America got so Stupid [1]
Miyoshi Umeki: The First East Asian Woman to Win an Acting Oscar [2]
Predatory Romance in Harrison Ford Movies [3]
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southshoretides · 6 months
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Type of Guy Who Fears The Void
On the object level, I think this DeBoer piece correctly identifies a certain type of person (aging white man who self-consciously and showily hates all aging-white-guy pop culture in favor of trying to stay hip), but as the commenters implicitly/explicitly point out, that type of guy is concentrated among the east-coast-grad-educated-tastemaker-social-media-part-time-writer set, i.e. Freddie's milieu, which he often tricks himself into believing is the only milieu in the world. Go to any bar in the Midwest and poll the natives on BTS-vs-Pearl Jam and you'll get different results. (Freddie is of course interminably contrarian relative to whatever his local milieu is, and if fate had brought him to Kansas instead of Brooklyn, he'd be the most red-tribe-hating, pining-for-Brooklyn's-loving-embrace guy on the internet.)
But the meta level of "People recognize that the world naturally puts them in stereotypical boxes and either fight to escape that or wholeheartedly embrace it" is something I think about a lot. That first paragraph was all about different Types of Guy, and that's all it is these days, isn't it? Type of guy, type of guy, type of guy. A whole generation of internet-raised autists can pinpoint your political beliefs based on how you dress or what kind of car you drive. "Guy who makes youtube videos while driving his SUV and wearing wraparound sunglasses" is a different type of guy than "Guy who insists that Carly Rae Jepsen is the best songwriter of the 2010s" but they are politically and culturally opposite Types of Guy, even though there's no rule that says Democrats can't drive SUVs or Republicans can't like Carly Rae Jepsen. But the trend-lines are strong enough that people notice anyway.
@max1461 occasionally gripes about how quickly and thoughtlessly people transpose is-statements with ought-statements, or in other words, take objective factual data about something and try to force it into a prefab narrative. And it certainly is annoying, but to an extent it's like making fun of cavemen for thinking every rustle of grass is a tiger. That's what their environment is giving them, and it's what their brains adapt for. What our environment is giving us is an endless parade of people who eagerly and effusively promote their political and cultural opinions, and eagerly and effusively identify those opinions with such and such group, so no wonder it's so easy for even an amateur to unearth a Type of Guy. No wonder you can look at someone with a Roman-statue avatar and predict with reasonable accuracy his thoughts on young women who dye their hair. And I think this is something the internet makes worse, not better.
I think any objective accounting of the situation would have to conclude that it's easier to be an eccentric in 2023 than in 1993. The internet has allowed weird people to find each other, talk to each other, understand each other and themselves in a way that simply didn't exist before. At the very least, you don't get that "Am I the only human on earth who's like this?" feeling. And the cheap, Hallmark version of diversity/eccentricity is still a popular cultural value: those wall-hangings and birthday cards your aunt buys say "Be Yourself: Everyone Else is Taken", not "Yourself sucks, Be Someone Else." No one wants to be seen as the stodgy, bitter old fart. Part of it, I'm sure, is a cultural thing--Americans seem to obsess over individuality and being one's truest self more than others.
And yet...there's also this ambient sense that eccentricity-in-itself has been devalued in 2023 relative to 1993, at least in my circles. Everything from eccentric tastes in art ("What are you, some kind of hipster filmbro?"), sex ("Of course I'm sex-positive but weird creepy shit doesn't count!") or politics ("You don't really think that, you're just being edgy.") People who value weirdness and eccentricity for its own sake feel hemmed in by people who either openly see it as a threat to their own culture's local hegemony. A lot of the internet really does seem to live by the 'nail that sticks out gets hammered down' and sees that as a good thing. Seems paradoxical.
(For the record, I'm not laying the blame here at any particular subculture. Conservatives blather on about freedom and liberty and then say anyone who refuses to lick an HOA's balls is a dangerous subversive. Progressives say everyone is valid and beautiful and then plaster their spaces with various 'freaks DNI' equivalents, 'freak' status being determined by vibe-centric whisper campaigns. Liberals will Celebrate Diversity up to and no further than the point where it damages quarterly profits. No "name" group is immune to this, really, but certain subgroups are.)
A theory: the normie-weirdo ratio isn't particularly different than it used to be, but the way they interact is different. In the pre-internet days, the weirdos were well aware they were weird, and in having to navigate normie-land with psychological armor on, at least they might come to understand it somewhat. Now, for those who want it, there's an unending stream of validation and insistence that you're perfect the way you are. Without shading into the "can suffering be a good thing if it leads to change for the better?" argument, I think even people who are all-in on the answer being "no" have met at least one person defined by their self-actualization curdling into selfishness and narcissism, to the point where you can't understand how they function, in a way that is directly attributable to a having a stable of pseudonymous online enablers. That's a real phenomenon the way that "Shut up and repress, you freak" is a real phenomenon. They can both suck. They can even both suck in ways that make the other one worse.
The post-mainstream, pre-social-media 'Golden Age' of the internet was when it was basically a playground for weird people. Now everyone's on it by necessity, the weirdo-in-a-small-town dynamics are back, but now the whole world is the small town with the added "no one can ever really escape for good" dynamics of the internet tracking and recording and monetizing every aspect of human interaction.
The weirdos who are old enough to remember when the internet was their turf close ranks and start watching each other for the first signs of Turning Normie--itself something that's antithetical to actually following one's own star and drawing from whatever cultural tradition you find satisfying. The weirdos who aren't old enough grin and bear it because "you're constantly being judged by everyone" is just normal life for them. The stuff that's so popular that liking it puts you in the biggest box possible will benefit; stuff that was never gonna be popular under any circumstances will keep trucking. It's the cultural middle class, as usual, that suffers the most. Again, as I keep emphasizing, this cultural panopticon being both unending and global is unprecedented in human history.
I really think a lot of current cultural neuroses are due to this, although I can't really prove it and don't have the resources to research it. This sense of modern technology revealing to people how fundamentally uninteresting they are and rebelling against it explains a lot to me--the tendency of people to ideologically self-sort to narrower and narrower levels, the uncanny ability of observers to categorize even the relatively-novel versions of those self-sorts, the tendency of some people to just give up and openly embrace everything the hivemind says about them, "be yourself" as a zombified and omnipresent cultural meme when millions of people are struggling existentially with exactly that, every culture absorbing ambient victim-mentality and thinking they're the only right-living people in a world gone mad, the 'cultural class' getting deeper and deeper into objectively-adolescent pop-cultural obsessions and lashing out at the idea they should try something more challenging, the aging-out-of-relevance hipsters Freddie discusses being mortified by the idea of being perceived as exactly that.
The problem, for me at least, is that I understand there is a way out, and if anything it feels worse. I may be a bit younger than the type-case Freddie describes, and am not in an industry where I have to constantly prove my relevance to myself and others, but I am doing the opposite of aging gracefully. Instead of constantly trying to convince my social circle (I don't have a social circle) that having the political, cultural, and artistic preferences of a 21-year-old means I still am one at heart, I engage in the much-healthier practice of spending every waking moment fantasizing being 21 or 18 or, shit, even 14 again. I know nobody really likes getting older. I also think that if everyone was as obsessive and self-loathing about it as I am, society would cease to function. My regrets and pining are definitely unhealthy, obsessive and all-consuming, but I don't really talk about them because there's no way it ends other than "Yeah, that sucks."
But a lot of the people in Freddie's comment section are saying things like "Once I realized I was fundamentally unimportant and my opinions didn't really matter, I could get down to raising my kids/doing my job, which matters more than my feelings." And maybe ten years from now I'll be OK with that. Hell, maybe I'll actually have kids, unlikely as that sounds now. Right now that mindset sounds like a self-administered lobotomy. Maybe I'd be OK with it if I'd actually lived it up in my teens and twenties, tried to become an actual person and discovered what I like about myself, instead of just vaguely Following Rules and assuming there was a payoff to that. Maybe I'd accept that there comes a point in life where my destiny is to be a good parent/worker and that necessarily implies shaving off the hard bits of your personality. Or maybe even the people who were good at being young struggle with getting old. Maybe our cultural/technological moment is just making that a struggle for everyone. Guess I'll never know.
But as we creep closer to no one's parents, then no one's grandparents, remembering a world without the eternal and all-consuming Now of the internet, I suspect I won't be the only one aging with a complete lack of grace, and I suspect we as a culture are completely unprepared to deal with it.
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redux-iterum · 2 months
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My elementary school taught us the 'dangers of the web' and that being private is 100% the way to go: no name-sharing, VERY MUCH NO LOCATION, no ultra identifying info...had the school libarian come in at least once a year to talk about internet safety, and that was back when most homes didn't HAVE a pc.
Honestly wonder if that's still a thing nowadays! I would hope so, but with how all of the younger folk around me act (surrounded by late teens/early 20s, very open to airing their 'triggers' etc) I just have to sit there and wonder when that flip into oversharing being commonplace happened.
I have young cousins that gave their kids tablets and phones at 6, and while I got my own electronics early (first used flip phone at 12, in case of emergencies, fam pc when allowed!) I think giving your child a new phone/tablet/etc and NOT teaching them internet safety is absolute batshit. They don't see the issue with oversharing, and while at that age I had a 'idgaf' personality, too...the one grooming sitch I almost fell into I recognized what was happening, dipped accordingly, and chose to modify how I spoke to others online.
I still haven't made a linkedin for that purpose. I really, really don't want my info online. It's kinda scary how much we 'have to' share nowadays.
You. You get it.
I am very glad y'all agree with me, because I was sure I just sounded like an old curmudgeon whining about "the good old days". Privacy is one of the most valuable things a person can have in any aspect of their life, and now that EVERY aspect of their lives are on the internet, they have nothing.
I know the argument exists of "if you're a good person, you have nothing to hide, so why bother". I find that a very silly argument, as someone who doesn't even like being recognized as a regular at restaurants, let alone by my face online. Just because you have nothing to hide doesn't mean you should have to forfeit your rights to hide whatever you want about yourself. You're a human being, not a piece of media to be scrolled through and examined at every angle.
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this is more of a vent about how endos fucked us up, so there's no pressure to read or respond, but:
endos are the reason we have so much denial about being a system. we've researched plenty, have had very clear switches, very clear struggles and issues, and yet every endo system we've interacted with has no idea what we're going through. they act like they understand and then get frustrated when we can't do the things that they do, and when being a system does actually get in the way of our functioning. when host first learned we were a system, he was in a lot of denial, sure. but with the research and an eventual tentative diagnosis (one we want brushed up on at therapy for certain reasons, when we can go back) he was eventually able to even enjoy being a system. but then we had joined a server because there were times we had more intricate questions that can be difficult to find on the internet, and everything went down the drain. others felt pressured to front more, we started to get more hazy and unclear about who was who, theyd constantly force alters to throw out name age etc mere seconds after fronting, to the point many get pissy or refuse to front at all, and we even suffered more and more memory issues since most of us do not share fucking memories and passing front so often kills our damn functioning. it was awful, we're finally recovering and things are starting to settle. we really wanted to not invalidate others' experiences, and while we certainly won't actively attack people or even tell them off, we really really don't like endos. we should be allowed to not like them, we should be allowed to not want to interact with them after all of that. it's not like we're out there hurling death threats. we should be allowed to cultivate for ourselves a space for us to find and connect with others who share our woes, but because of endos, it feels difficult to create that kind of community without them dogpiling on us and calling us heinous things
host is struggling so much, and we used to be able to help, and even when he found out about us, we still could. he accepted us. but now we're farther back than ever, and when we turn for support, we find the same group that makes a mockery of actual systems
i am not host, and haven't been here a long time, so this was all news to me. and frankly, its just baffling. this is the first place i found, and i'm thankful that there are people who are trying to create a spot for us to be frustrated with endos lol
while i'm definitely going to be crawling for more places and groups, not only so i may find more information about this debacle, but also to assuage hosts current predicament, i was wondering if you knew of any good spaces to seek out that are free from this bullshit and can actually help, not harm. if not, that is okay
I'm so so so sorry you guys have had to go through this. That's one of the worst situations you can go through.
Hopefully you guys can heal from that time with them, they're sadly good at making it known what they think and when they think a system isn't good enough to their areas.
You are never forced to like anyone. Hell there are several systems who are anti endo who I can't stand, you never have to like anyone
Well welcome to the account, anon. This account is alawys welcome to help people who are frustrated with endos. There's an anti-endo masterlist (https://www.tumblr.com/plague-hybrid/744281808395501568/traumagenic-only-community-blogs-a-masterlist?source=share) which is full of areas. If you guys use Discord, there are several anti-endo servers for just systems or are system accepting and are still anti-endo.
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shayberri789 · 1 year
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In honour of Ace Week, I'd like to talk about my experience with growing up ace.
Many, many of my fellow aspecs talk about growing up feeling broken, to the point where I almost felt "fake" because I didn't share this apparently universal experience. (No slander to them by the way, I can recognise myself for being the oddball that I am, and the reason I escaped the self-hatred and broken feeling is. Actually kind of funny)
(Also sorry this is very long and rambly, editing is a bitch on mobile.)
I've always known I was aromantic and asexual. Not the terms, but I know I have been like this since before I can remember. The most important aroace memory I have is the one that saved me over a decade of grief, one I made when I was seven.
I was in grade one, and in a tiny, tiny school with literally only 4 people in my grade. My best friend, Jess, had just broken up with our classmates Thomas (they had been dating the way all 7yos do, and Jess has always been boy crazy). She was ranting to me about him, and I was a bit bored with it, playing about on the patio wall. I distinctly remember saying to her: "I'm never gonna get a crush! Dating is too much drama." And that was that. I promised myself never to get a crush.
And for years, I thought I was fantastic at keeping promises to myself. I was a pretty child, and I've always been kind, and many of my guy friends developed crushes on me, or felt pressured to have a crush and decided I was the best option. I don't know. I turned every one of them down, and said I wasn't going to date because I'd made myself a promise not to. I never developed a crush on anyone myself, and I thought it was because of a promise I made when I was seven. I never felt pressured to have a crush because of that promise, and all my girl friends accepted it too as an answer when they asked if I had a crush. We were like, ten, we didn't know better. None of us even knew what the lgbtqa+ was. Same-sex marriage was only legalised in 2006 in South Africa, and I didn't have a phone or access to the internet until I was 13. We also weren't as steeped in the amatonormative bullshit that comes with growing up, or fandom, or the internet.
When I was around 11-12 years old, we went to the coast to celebrate one of my childhood friend's mom getting married. Both his parents (his mom and later adoptive father) were close family friends, and while we were there I met up with an old friend I'd lost contact with.
I found out Dune, the lost friend, had had a crush on me since pre-primary school. He'd put a ring on his finger and declared that he was going to marry me when we grew up. I think He'd given up the notion by the time we reunited, but it made me feel weird. I started actually thinking about crushes, and my promise, and I worried that maybe I'd been repressing feelings. Did I accidentally close my heart to love because of my promise? But... not having to deal with crushes made my life so much easier, I wasn't sure if I wanted a crush. But I was worried I'd broken myself. It didn't help that when I brought this up to my mom (who is, by the way, an amazing woman and completely supportive of me now and my very queer brother and is bi herself) she said that closing your heart to love was unhealthy, and I should let myself feel things.
In retrospect, that's solid advice. I wish I'd listened to it more before I developed repression of emotions and memories as a coping mechanism to deal with immigration and a new country. But at the time I took it as confirmation I'd broken myself because again, I was eleven, and while I've always been mature for my age I still was lacking a lot of knowledge and growth.
Fortunately, I've always been a stubborn, genuine thing. I only changed parts of myself I didn't like, or thought hurt others, and no one else was allowed to decide that for Me. And I liked the peace not having crushes gave me, and I saved myself many years of grief and worry with that decision. It was three days of worrying about having broken myself, compared to an almost lifetime of many other aspecs.
That conviction was admittedly hard to hold onto though. I had several squishes in my childhood and the following yesrs, or maybe they were actual crushes but I doubt it; and I started becoming vaguely aware that saying I'd made a promise to stay single and unattracted to anyone was a weird reason for turning someone down when you're like 13/14yo. I stopped talking about my promise, but I never got a crush, never wanted one, and never wanted to date. I just kept living my life, even when I immigrated and said family friend's child from earlier, a boy I had been friends with since I was literally three years old, told me he'd been in love with me for five years the day I landed in my nee country. Thanks Vin, that's totally something to drop on your childhood friend when she is busy feeling like she'd lost everything. I spent a week analysing the last couple years of our friendship to figure out if he even cared about me the way I did about him. We're not very close anymore.
A year later, in Year 10/Grade 9, my new best friend invited me around to her house to tell me "something important". When I got there, I found our other friend we'd been growing closer too over the last couple months there already, and they were holding hands. Tess said to me, very gingerly, "Shay, I just wanted to let you know that I'm pan, and Saph and I are dating."
Three things you should know: I was barely aware that "gay" and "lesbian" was a thing at this point, I had no gaydar or ability to predict romance, and had quite frankly forgotten that crushes were a thing. I wasn't even looking for chemistry in my friends. I was caught completely off guard. I had no fucking clue was pansexual was. I'd only just started learning about the queer community and did not know how to react to this, and was suddenly, horribly reminded that my friends were at the stage where they cared more about finding someone to date than plodding on happily with the friendships we had. Tess later told me I "was a bit homophobic because of the way I recoiled with a slightly disguisted look on my face."
Honestly, I think it's because I was disgusted by romance in general and was unprepared for the confession, and was suddenly re-evaluating the entire friend group dynamics. I'm gonna forgive myself if I reacted badly, but I honestly wasn't aware enough of heteronormative culture, had forgotten amatonormativity existed, and didn't know enough about gay people to even be homophobic.
That night, I spent four hours researching the lgbt community to understand as much as I could, to find out how to support my friends and be a good ally. I still thought I was straight, back then. It got to the point where I knew a good deal about the queer community and experiences, enough to help my brother figure out he was pan and trans, and yet I still did not come across any aspec identity. Not in Tumblr screenshots, not on the wiki pages I read, not from word of mouth from the queer people I met irl.
I even went through about a month or so where I thought I was bi. I had enough common sense long before then to realize that a promise made when you're seven should not affect who you crush on, just what you do with those feelings, but it was the only explanation I had, so I quietly stuck with it. When I found out more about the queer community I thought to myself "... am I gay?" And critically evaluated myself, and came to the conclusion I felt the same about guys as I did about girls, and I must be bi, surely? But that didn't feel right, and It honestly made me feel uncomfortable to label myself as that, so I never mentioned it.
Fortunately soon after that, I was talking to one of Tess's old South African friends, who told me he was "asexual" (in hindsight, and seeing how he grew, I think he was actually aromantic. But, it's not my place to tell people how to identify). I didn't know what that meant so googled it, and realized... hey, this covers a lot of how I feel (or rather, what I don't feel). It wasn't quite right, I didn't really understand sexual attraction either (I still don't, really, but I do on a rational level), but it fit me better and explained a hell of a lot more than bisexual did, so I claimed it. Plus, pretty flag.
I tried to come out that pride month. I made an ace flag-coloured version of my profile picture, looked up the pride days for June, and decided I would change my pfp and bio on ace day to come out. Which I did! And many people congratulated me on figuring myself out, even more were confused as to what it was, and the rest didn't notice. But before all that, I'd accidentally come out on aromantic's day, first, much to my fear and embarrassment. I didn't realise I could be both aromantic and asexual. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to be 'special' to fit in with my friends (I value genuineness greatly, and never wanted to appear like I was presenting myself falsely, especially for something like a trend or peer pressure). I quickly changed my pfp and bio before anyone noticed, and did it on the correct day at the end of the month.
Fortunately, it did make me look up aromanticism, and realize this identity fitted the rest of my experiences. But, I still didn't know I could have two identities, because I didn't know about the SAM model. I decided to stick with asexual, because I liked the flag more.
I still felt a bit like an imposter, though, like I wasn't really welcome in the queer community, and I always knew I didn't fit in the cishetallo one. I didn't know any other ace people except for the guy who told me about the term, and he was far too interested in sex and hot people for my comfort. I dedicated myself to learning more about the queer community as a whole, the lived experiences and politics, so that I could continue to support and be with my friends (who had, one by one over the year or so, come out as queer in some way, as one friend group does after the first one bites the bullet) even if I "didn't really belong".
It took me a while to feel fully comfortable as asexual, and to internalise I could be aromantic too and accept that (I called myself Grayromantic for a time because I thought the squishes had been crushes, and I almost wanted to hope I wasn't completely locked from love. I've since learned better and honestly, I'm really happy as plain aroace). I went through a period of trying on all kinds of micro labels to explain my experiences, but I've come to settle on the plain old aroace label. I'm happy, and I'm happy with myself. I also found the sunset aroace flag last year and fell in love with that, too 😂
I'd like to give a huge thank you to @fuckyeahasexual for all the information and support their blog gives, and the experiences and constant acceptance and reassurance that we are all ace, and for the info they give on aromanticism too. It played a huge role in my coming out and being proud, and then being loud and proud for the remaining years of high school. It's allowed me to meet so many more aspec people, and help people figure out their own aspec identities in my real-life community.
So yeah, I am, very extremely aroace. I swing wildly between sex and romance neutral to outright repulsed, and I have no interest in a qpr or any other relationship beyond family and friendship. (Shout out to my brother for getting into a qpr and then telling his actually aroace sister about it last out of everyone!).
I've been aroace my entire life, and I've never wanted to be anything different. I've dealt with my fair share of both microaggressive and straight-up aphobia from strangers, loved ones, fandom and society in general.
And I've never related to those posts about people growing up feeling broken, and for every single aspec out there like me who skated on through life and to their identities without that trauma as well, I tip my hat to you. We are valid, we are no less aspec than those with different traumas to us, and we are no less important or alone or isolated than they are. We're all in this together, and we should all take pride and care in one another. For our similarities and shared experiences, and for our differences. Happy ace week.
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romanarose · 1 year
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Steven helping when you're stressed over a bad friend
Steven Grant x gn!reader
Summary: You are having issues with some friends during finals week and need Steven's assurance.
A/N I literally am having issues with some internet friends right now. Unlike many of my scenarios in my life I turn into fics, I didn't have to deal with this alone. After our last final (yay!!!) me and my friend met up and she talked me to. A lot of Steven's lines are what she said to me, in a more Steven way. I won't go into details, just a few things I think a lot of people can relate too. Anyway, here you go. Not event agging anyone bc this is literally just for me to vent out my feelings.
Warnings: toxic friendships, manipulation (not sure if that's clear here but just incase), brief mentions of anger issues and I wouldn't call it relationship problems, but normal couple stuff the system had to work through together. References to a friend who says concerning stuff, you can take this to mean threats of harming one self, comments about excessive drinking or drug use, or any other harmful behavior. Point is, said person is known to say and do things, and uses it to manipulate reader.
*********
"Love, are you alright?" Steven watched you watching Community from the other side of the couch, instead of your usual spot next to him.
You scoff, a little meaner than you mean. "No, Steven, I'm not" You said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
Steven simply waits, trusting you'll realize you were being rude. And you did. You sigh, turning to him. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. That was unnecessary. There was no need for me to be sarcastic." Steven and Jake had been working with you and Marc about regulating your high emotions. They allowed you grace when you went too far, as long as you recognize when you were being mean. As you requested, they didn’t let you or Marc get away with being rude, and the two of you tried to ask for space when you needed time to calm down and the others were coming on too strong.What had started as mediation between you and Marc, who both were prone to anger outbursts, had turned into general work that you and Marc, Jake and Steven had to put into for the sake of everyone's relationships. It was working out well, and the four of you were finding the way to manage things together, as a team.
"Can you tell me what you are feeling right now?" Steven asked, ever patient.
Of course, you knew the next part, naming your emotions. "I'm feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and maybe a little unseen."
His brow furrowed at that. "Unseen by who? Us? I mean, me?"Steven’s work involved not trying to speak for the others, unless asked to.
You shake your head, smiling a bit. There had been a time where maybe you had felt like Steven didn't see you, didn't get you, that only Marc in his anger and Jake in his chaos were the only ones who ever got how you felt, but as you worked through the bumps with Steven, you came to realize that he didn't have to know exactly what you were feeling or had been through to see you. "No baby, with my friends. Between finals and the recent... I don't know if I can even call it drama, I just feel like a lot is going on right now." You last final was tomorrow, and Jake had convinced you to put the books down and take a mental break. The best cook in the house, he made you diner, you ate with Marc, and now were winding down with Steven, hoping a good night's sleep would benefit you more than staying up all night studying.
Steven nodded. "You hadn't mentioned anything was going on with your friends, love, can you tell me what's going on"
"Yeah" You pause a bit. "Can I lay on your lap, Steven? I'm tired"
Steven's warm smile reached his brown eyes "Of course, sweetheart" He reached out for you and you lay down on his perfectly thick thigh as he plays with your head.
"It's Jenna. She's saying that stuff again. A lot of us have reached out to her, but she won't really reply. She'll make these concerning posts for days and not talk to us." You had your phone to Steven to read the things she's said. You've known Jenna for years, but recently as a friend she hasn't been the best, but whenever you try to distance yourself from her, she'll start making these threats, concerning you, drawing you back in.
Steven handed you your phone bad, looking upset. "That's a lot, I see why you're worried. And no one can get a hold of her?"
You shake your head. "But she'll post other stuff on snap chat where she's fine. I don't know what to do anymore. She does this so much and I'm exhausted. She won't accept my help, and I know, I knooooow it's not that easy but I don't know what else to"
Steven leaned over and kissed your head "I know you want to help, you always do, but she's an adult, she has to make her own choices."
"I know, I just feel responsible. She keeps calling me her best fiend so everyone keeps looking to me for answers with her but I just don't know. I don't want to be friends anymore but everyone sees her as this precious, perfect person and can do no wrong, but she's mean, Steven. And I know I can be mean but-"
Steven gently shushed you. "You don't try to be mean, you always apologize, and you always try to do better. I remember her making fun of your phone background, even after you tried to change the subject"
You had interests that some people considered niche, like a damn near obsession with James Dean, who you changed to your phone background to. When Jenna had seen it, she relentlessly teased you for days every time your screen lit up, until you changed it back to you and Jake.
"Yeah... and she said I have a giant forhead. Which is technically true, but she didn't have to say it." you agreed, exhausted from this week.
Steven continued playing with your hair. "I know it's hard, because I know you want so badly for everyone to like you, but it's just not realistic. She might just need to get mad and stop talking to you"
"What if she turns my other friends against me?"
"Well, then maybe they weren't that good of friends in the first place"
"Steven-"
He raised his hands in mock defeat. "I know! I know, I know it's easier said than done, but just do what you can to separate yourself, and me and the boys will be here to help you in whatever way we can, alright love?"
You nod against the skin of his leg, feeling the hair tickle your face. "Okay, I'll try, thank you Steven" You kissed his kneecap.
Steven pulled a blanket over you, and you feel sleep pulling you in as the Community paintball episode opened "And for what it's worth, love, we think it's very hard not to like you."
"even when I'm being a bitch?" You mumble, already half alseep from exhaustion.
"Even when you're having a bad day" Steven clarifies, never wanting to feed into your negetive self-talk.
"I love you Steven"
"I love you too, darling. Go to sleep, I already set an alarm, I'll take you to bed in a bit"
Whatever you said next was incomprehensible as you fell into the first goodnights sleep you'd had since thanksgiving break.
***********
anyway, there we go. As you can see, I've had a bit of a time with a friend, needed to get this out.
on the brightside I finished my last final today, so now I can go stress about this friend who refuses to answer my texts or messages.
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Podcasting "How To Make a Child-Safe TikTok"
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This week on my podcast, I read my recent Medium column, “How To Make a Child-Safe TikTok: Have you tried not spying on kids?” The column was inspired by one of the most bizarre exchanges during the Congressional grilling of TokTok CEO Shou Chew:
https://doctorow.medium.com/how-to-make-a-child-safe-tiktok-be08fbf94b0d
If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/17/have-you-tried-not-spying/#coppa
If you heard anything about that hearing, it was likely this. Rep Buddy Carter, Republican of Georgia, demanded to know whether Tiktok used “the phone’s camera to determine whether the content that elicits a pupil dilation should be amplified by the algorithm?”
https://www.c-span.org/video/?526609-1/tiktok-ceo-testifies-house-energy-commerce-committee-hearing
Chew replied, “We do not collect body, face or voice data to identify our users. We do not.” Carter pressed him, asking “How do you determine what age they are then?”
Chew said, “We rely on age-gating as our key age assurance.” Carter assumed tuckercarlsonian expression of perplexity and asked for more information. Chew explained: “It’s when you ask the user what age they are.” Carter was clearly baffled by this.
Chew added, “this is a real challenge for our industry because privacy versus age assurance is a really big problem.” Carter interrupted him: “you keep talking about the industry, we’re talking about TikTok here.”
This was a remarkable exchange, even by the standards of Congressional hearings on technology, a genre that includes “a series of tubes,” “Senator, we run ads,” and “Will you commit to ending finsta?”
Chew was completely and terribly correct, of course. The way that the entire industry complies with COPPA — the law that prohibits data-gathering on under-13s without parental consent — is by asking every used to tick a box that says “I am over 13.” This is such an inadequate and laughable figleaf that the Congressdunderhead from Georgia can (possibly) be forgiven for assuming that “age verification” involved some kind of digital phrenology by way of facial scanning.
But beyond being yet another entry in the annals Congressional Pig-Ignorance On Tech, the exchange reveals a massive blind-spot about the entire business of kids’ privacy, and the legislative intention of COPPA, a law passed in 1998, before the age of ubiquitous commercial internet surveillance — but not before people understood that this would be an important subject.
One thing to note here is how rare COPPA is. The US has very near to zero federal privacy laws. There’s the Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986, which is about as up-to-date as you might imagine given that it was passed in 1986. Then there’s the Video Privacy Protection Act of 1988, which bans video-store clerks from revealing which porn you (or more to the point, Members of Congress) have rented.
And then there’s COPPA, which requires parental consent for data-gathering on pre-teens. And that’s basically…it.
COPPA’s got a checkered legislative history; a lot of the “parental consent” language is about ensuring that kids can’t get access reproductive health information and services, but as with any contentious piece of lawmaking, COPPA passed due to a coalition with different priorities, and part of that coalition just wanted to make sure that companies weren’t spying on kids.
Because — as both Buddy Carter and Shou Chew — can attest, it’s really hard to get parental consent at scale. Like, how do you even know if you’re talking to a kid’s parent or guardian if you’re not allowed to gather information on that kid? And how do you know if you’re talking to a kid or an adult when you gather any information, on any user?
Even if facial recognition technology had been widespread in 1986, I think we can all agree that Congress’s intent wasn’t to “protect kids’ privacy” by subjecting every child who used a computer to an invasive biometric scan. How could you comply with COPPA, then?
Well, one possibility is to never spy on users.
OK, not never. But only in very special circumstances — situations in which users would be willing to go through a reasonably thorough identification procedure. There are some situations in which it would be relatively straightforward to do this for parental consent, too: schools, pediatricians and libraries typically encounter children at the same time as their parents or guardians.
And for the rest of it, companies could just not spy.
The truly bizarre thing is how bizarre this suggestion comes across. It is essentially beyond the imagination of both Buddy Carter and Shou Chew that Tiktok could comply with COPPA by not gathering any user-data. After all COPPA, doesn’t prohibit providing web access to under-13s without parental consent — it prohibits spying on under-13s.
It’s not just Congressdunderheads and Tiktok CEOs who treat “don’t spy on under-13s” as a synonym for “don’t let under-13s use this service.” Every tech product designer and every general counsel at every tech company treats these two propositions as equivalent, because they are literally incapable of imagining a surveillance-free online service.
Which is funny, given another part of the Congressional interview. Chew says, “The only face data that you’ll get, that we collect is when you use the filters that put, say, sunglasses on your face, we need to know where your eyes are.” Carter interrupts him to say, “Why do you need to know where the eyes are if you’re not seeing if they’re dilated?” (my god this guy is horny for pupils).
Chew finishes, “and the data is stored locally on your local device and deleted after the use, if you use it for facial” (emphasis mine).
The Tiktok app could store the list of accounts you follow on your device, and send requests to the Tiktok servers for their updates, and the servers could fulfill those requests without logging them. Your device could analyze the videos you interact with and ask the Tiktok servers for suggestions based on those criteria — again, without Tiktok logging your info.
There’s no millennial prophet who came down off a mountain with two stone tablets circa 2002 and intoned, “Nerds of the world, thou shalt stop rotating thine logfiles, and lo! Thou shalt mine them for actionable market intelligence.” There is nothing intrinsic to the idea of letting people talk to each other, or search the web, or look at videos, that requires surveillance. The surveillance is a choice, which necessitated hundreds of billions of dollars in capital expenditures, and which should have been understood as illegal under COPPA.
But COPPA hasn’t been meaningfully enforced for a quarter of a century. That’s because the ad-tech industry mobilizes some of the hundreds of billions of dollars it gains through spying to block privacy law enforcement and the passage of any new privacy laws. David Cohen, CEO of the surveillance lobby group IEA, told his members, “Extremists are winning the battle for hearts and minds in Washington, D.C., and beyond. We cannot let that happen.”
His co-conspirators at the anti-privacy lobbying group Privacy For America (yes, really) told Congress that commercial surveillance saves every American $30,000/year — in other words, they value the data they steal from you every year at $30,000:
https://www.privacyforamerica.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Privacy-for-America-Letter-in-Support-of-Preemptive-Comprehensive-Privacy-Legislation.pdf
But as Julia Angwin points out, this figure is as absurd as the name “Privacy for America.” The number is pure fiction:
https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1815663116#abstract
It doesn’t matter how much the data caught in the ad-tech industry’s nonconsensual harvest is worth — all that matters is that it produces the surplus needed to keep privacy law enforcement and expansion at bay.
Tiktok shouldn’t spy on our kids. Neither should anyone else. America doesn’t need a law banning Tiktok, it’s needs a law banning Tiktok’s surveillance — as well as the surveillance of all its rivals:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/30/tik-tok-tow/#good-politics-for-electoral-victories
Because the Chinese state doesn’t need Tiktok to spy on Americans. In the freewheeling, unregulated privacy “marketplace,” all that data is for sale — Chinese spies can just plunk down their credit-cards next to everyone else who buys our data and mobilizes it to compromise us, market to us, and stalk us.
Here’s the podcast episode:
https://craphound.com/news/2023/04/17/how-to-make-a-child-safe-tiktok/
And here’s a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive; they’ll host your stuff for free, forever):
https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_443/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_443_-_How_To_Make_a_Child-Safe_TikTok.mp3
And here’s the direct RSS link for my podcast:
https://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast
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THIS IS THE LAST DAY for the Kickstarter campaign for the audiobook of my next novel, a post-cyberpunk anti-finance finance thriller about Silicon Valley scams called Red Team Blues. Amazon’s Audible refuses to carry my audiobooks because they’re DRM free, but crowdfunding makes them possible.
[Image ID: The exterior of a corporate office building, with the TikTok logo and wordmark over its revolving doors. From behind the revolving doors glares the hostile red eye of HAL9000 from Kubrick's '2001: A Space Odyssey." In front of the doors is a 'you must be this tall to ride' amusement-park cutout of a boy with a bow-tie, holding out his arm to indicate the minimum required height.]
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yukidragon · 1 year
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Okay so uh. I know I mentioned in the comments of a post of yours a couple days ago that I had an idea, except idk where to go with it other than I just have a "what if" thought. So I'm figuring I'd throw it back at ya to get your thoughts on it, because you are incredibly good at this, like holy carp, I am in awe.
The "what if" thought I had, was since we're pretty sure Jack some times hangs around the apt while MC is at work, what if MC had a computer at home and taught him how to use, say, more anonymous based forum sites as well as maybe more basic games like solitaire or point-n-click adventure games. Do you think he would actually feel compelled to use the tech at all, and if he did join a forum site, what would he do on it and how well do you think he'd do to keep his identity hidden? (He reinvented himself once and yet he still had an untimely demise- no need to make anyone think he survived somehow and put his Sunshine in any actual danger...)
Gosh, you really flatter me with such kind praise. Thank you! 💖
Given how quickly Jack managed to pick up how to behave as Sunny Day Jack despite his concerns towards doing the part justice, I think he is pretty good at adapting and learning new things. While the modern technology is going to be pretty shocking - practically the stuff of science fiction in his eyes - I’m sure he’ll start to get the hang of it, with his sunshine’s help at the start of course.
Once Jack starts getting used to learning the internet, I can see him using it as a tool to help him out. After all, he needs to understand the modern day society and technology in order to be of any use to MC and take care of them. It would be useful to look up all the references that MC might make that seem like moon speak to someone who hasn’t experienced pop culture for 40 years.
At first, Jack will no doubt be clumsy on the internet, not quite getting how dangerous it can be. MC is going to need to teach him about the importance of anonymity online, as well as the general climate of the online space. After that though, I’m sure he’ll catch on pretty quickly.
When MC is around, I can see Jack mostly looking up innocent things, like recipes, news articles, or cute animal videos. Totally wholesome things that don’t ruin his brand safe image as Sunny Day Jack.
When MC isn’t around... the more Jack learns, the more he’s going to snoop. I can imagine he’ll figure out how the search history works and look into MC’s search history for what they like looking up and what interests them. The more he knows about them, the better he can take care of them after all!
Then, Jack can advance to learning how to use private internet searches and erase traces of his activities if it’s something a bit... questionable. Not that he would have reason to do it that often of course. At least... as long as nothing is threatening him and his sunshine...
Given how clever Jack is, I can see him learning pretty fast how to hide his online presence. That’s not even going into the possibility that his ghost(?) powers might allow him to do things normal humans can. While he is an analog-based supernatural entity, his existence is attached to a piece of technology that affects video screens, and computers still require monitors to see what’s going on...
I think it’s possible Jack could make an online alias for himself and join a forum or social media, but I think it would be with some particular goal in mind. He didn’t grow up in the internet age, and he’s more physically active. Spending hours wandering around the internet would be a relatively new thing, and the dopamine hits he might get online would be nothing compared to the rush of love he feels from his sunshine... especially when he’s showing them his love~
Though if Jack does have plans of making a big public return as Sunny Day Jack, then perhaps the internet could be useful to that end...
@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur  
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alligatorjesie · 9 months
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Man. You’re right @driversfavtwink , I should go outside and touch some grass.
Hey wait a minute.
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I’m already outside.
This reminds me of that time I made a whole post involving an anti and how instead of telling people in this fandom to kill themselves, a thing they had done repeatedly in the past, how to go outside and touch exactly the right type of grass and to spend some fucking time doing that instead of what they were actively doing,
Which was telling people in my fandom to kill themselves.
youtube
You don’t even fucking understand just how much grass I regularly touch just to deal with anti shitwads.
And you know what this anti told me after I took all that time to record them a personalized video with extraordinarily detailed explanations on how to take care of this incredibly invasive plant?
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because that’s fucking normal.
Let’s not forget how a few years ago a furry convention I go to every year was chlorine bombed by a nazi fur who was disgruntled when con staff told them we don’t allow nazis into the fucking con.
A very real thing that happened to me and over 7,000 other furries in the middle of the night in winter in Chicago.
Then a few weeks ago I counter protested with the same invasive plant info at a drag show in an attempt to block visibility to a death cult church who regularly pickets any pride events in my town like our own personal westboro baptist church.
They spent the evening telling me and everyone there how we was all gonna burn in a lake of fire.
This is were they set up and spent the next 5ish hours death proselytize a drag show.
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Unlike @miguelsdumbass, I actually don't mind people knowing I'm a real person doing real things like the person I say I fucking am.
I'm not asking a child to show me proof of who the are by the way. They can tell me there the queen of fucking France for all the fucks I don't give. I just want them to fix their fucking tags and get the fuck out of this fandom space. It's the first thing I said to this chucklefuck and it'll be the last fucking thing I ever say to them.
You know, it just seems like hateful people keep encroaching on the spaces I should be safe in but for some reason assholes like you seem to think I'm overreacting when all I'm fucking doing is telling them to Leave if they hate it so much. I don't want 'em here, and the entire fucking fandom/drag show/pride event/convention don't want this hateful shit either.
It seems like I'm having a lot of trouble just going into spaces that were designated for us being interrupted by assholes who can't read the fucking room.
I’m noticing a pattern is all I’m saying.
@Miguelsdumbass here isn’t even the worst one. They’re just a child and really fucking stupid.
Which by the way @miguel-o-haras-rp, whats it like living a total lie? I remember when I was your age I lied about working for disney’s animation studios. And people fucking believed me.
The internet and fun and full of stupid people.
@miguel-o-haras-rp is not Jewish because this wasn’t even a thing on their bio until I dared to bring up nazis and that’s all this pee brained moron could think up when being compared to the same group of people who regularly tell me and my friends to kill themselves, which antis do. Telling a whole group of people they should eat shit and die for participating in a thing, that’s some nazi shit you know? The trans thing is new by the way @miguel-o-haras-rp, what argument lead to this one? Are you gonna identify as an attack helicopter next? Who knows what new personality you’ll invent in the coming weeks. A better one we can only fucking hope.
Not until you finally figure out the horrible history of antis and abhorrent anti behavior that's for fucking sure.
Antis, which shitass here openly says they’re a member of;
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have been telling people to kill themselves since fucking time immemorial.
‘Anti’ is a new term but the act of being one isn’t fucking new.
nazis are anti Jewish.
Straight white conservatives are anti anything that ain’t a straight white conservatives.
@miguel-o-haras-rp is anti using common sense genetics to realize multiracial people can look multiracial.
I’ve been around the block. I know hateful people when I see them. The fact you’re defending this person says more about you than me @driversfavtwink.
I do see the irony in being told by a Adam Driver superfan, historically really fucking weird people into some weird shit but whatever you do you boo I ain't a part of that drama, are more normal than the reylos who are just enjoy a fictional canon vanilla fandom and ship, but go fucking off I guess.
I ain't never doxxed anyone. But I know a few adam driver superfans who have.
Daivers are the weird fucking people who obsessively ship Daisy and Adam, the real people and not their fictional Star Wars characters, are not to be confused with "Reylos".
We are not the same fucking thing.
No one is white washing a half white character by stating the half white character looks a little white.
Ya'll are real fucking stupid.
Also:
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Antis ain’t your fucking friend.
Antis are fucking scum who tell people the most horrible shit. They’re not any fucking better than that church who pickets my local pride events or that nazi who chlorine bombed a bunch of furries because we didn't like his shitass racist opinions.
and they’re not any fucking better than real nazis, a group of people so passionately hateful they just went straight to killin’ the thing they hated.
I can and will make that comparison because
much like how nazis kept actually killing Jewish people, antis keep telling me and mine to fucking die in just about every group I'm in.
Not just in the reylo fandom, but in the furry fandom, and in the LGBTQ community too.
And that's some nazi shit and it's getting really fucking old.
And if you’re gonna act like one you can leave too shitass, fuck
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