#i am not immune to his little guy-isms

[hawberries]

adeptus xiao… 🤧💕

[image is a digital drawing of Xiao floating against stylised blue clouds, hefting his spear and glancing over his shoulder at the camera. Followed by a chibi drawing of Xiao sitting with a bowl of almond tofu in his lap, eating solemnly.]

[randoreviews]

RADIO ON A FRIDAY

“Oh my god... You guys?... Guess what... IT’S FRIDAAAAYY... WHO’S GOING TO THE CLUUUUUB... Yes... Got my man Billy Bojangles right here with me, Billy, what’s good with you?” “What up what up what up.” “And you know it’s ya girl, Tiffany Jam. Billy B, what’s goin on though?” “Chillin chillin chillin.” “Wait a minute though, hold up... How do you feel about the fact that it’s FRIDAAAAY.” “It’s crazy, it’s crazy. I feel blessed right now.” “Riiiiiiiight? Ya girl Tiffany cannot WAIT to get a little white wine spritzer in her, what have you, get my little, you know, dance oooon. You know what I’m saying, Billy B.” “Hahaaaa.” “To see what I get up to this lovely Friday evening, you already know, follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and TripAdvisor at xTiffanyJamBadBitchx. Billy, what’s up, can I get a little help with the plug?” “HEY, LISTEN UP RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE OUT THERE FOLLOW MY GIRL X TIFFANY JAM BAD BITCH X.” “Aww, thanks, boo. You’re the best. Real quick, shout out your own handle!” “You already know, people, flippin stories like I’m flippin pies, my handle is billybojanglessnowflake43, and I am most active on Zillow.”  “You ain’t even telling a lie, Billy, I checked out your Zillow the other night and I was like, daaamn, Billy’s getting it iiin. Look at how much fun Billy Bojangs is having.” “People know the daily.” “But maybe follow me first because, duh, Friday, maybe one or two or three or four crotch shots... what?... in my IG stories cuz what does it matter, goes away after twenty-four houweeeerrrs.” “True true true.” “We have the latest hits burning up the charts for you to help you get ready for the weekend, here’s one from Zayn and Lil Ruh Roh called ‘Slave 2 the D,’ only on KISS 104.7.” ... “Oh my god, don’t you just want to mess Zayn’s hair up and then straddle him and take inappropriate Instagram stories to get your followers up and make people jealous and then drain him of all his sexual essence, don’t you want to, Billy?” “I mean, not me personally cuz I don’t get down with other dudes like that...” “...” “But I gotta admit the guy has a sexy voice.”  “Riiiiiiight? Ruh Roh does his thing too on that one, let’s not forget Ruh Roh.”  “Oh, definitely, definitely.” “You guys. Guess what? Look at the calendar. It’s the day we’ve been working towards all week, just counting every SECOND until we get here, not one enjoyable moment during the week, just every millisecond a soul-sucking grind and an extended slow death, for the majority of our lives, IT’S FRIDAAAAAY.”  *sound effect of a bomb exploding* “Billy Bo Baggins, what will you be sippin on on this LOVELY Friday evening? Are people even gonna be ready for what you’re about to tell them?” “For real? Probably not. But you know I gotta go with that Laphroaig... mixed with Dimetapp... mixed with some echinacea for my immune systems.” “Daaaamn... Is that why your Zillow is so abstract and thought-provoking but also healthy at the same time?”  “No doubt.” “All right, hashtag Friday, we got a little question for our WONDERFUL listeners out there... Do women prefer a guy with a six-pack... or an eight-pack... or just, after one drink do you lose your morals and does it not matter? We’ll take your answers after this absolutely litty banger by Nicki Minaj and Willie Nelson called ‘Stick It in My Eye.’” ... “Two words for you... one syllable... FRI... DAY. You guys. How do we feel about that new Nicki/Willie banger? Billy, how do you feel about it?” “Honestly? That little banjo over that 808? That sound right to me.” “Nicki and Willie, killing it. Okay, our question before the break was, Ladies, all you ladiiies out there, do you prefer a guy with a) a six-pack, b) an EIGHT-pack, or c) doesn’t matter, morals out the window on a Friday after one drink. Jill in Point Springs, what’s up, girl?” “Oh, hello, yes, first of all I had have to say, a), morals out the window.” “Is that a breeze I feel? Okay, girl! Like they say, girl, honesty is the best policy. Unless you’re trying to mindmess him and mess him over. But us ladies have to do what we have to do. Zoozoo in Rockwell, six-pack, eight-pack, or no-pack but some Parrots Bay?” “Please someone help me! I’m old and I’ve fallen and hurt my hip! I live at...” “Ayyye, okay, we keepin it fresh today, please disregard that last call... Billy, I know you got, like, minimum eighteen-pack. I’m seein your stories and I’m like, okay, okay!, Billy’s really putting in the work right now.” “Yeah, you know I like to live record my whole workout for people to see, try to be an inspiration to others.” “I’m like, daaaamn, I gotta do my little crunches and lunges and drink my little booty-building detox tea.” “As a man, you know what I’m saying, I can say, I appreciate the work you put in.” “Aww, thanks, boo. Who’s better than you? We’re in the Friday mix, peopaaaaaaal. Friday Friday Friday... Friday Friday Friday... Parrots Bay and bad decisions. The quiet desperation of living. Whaaaat? Billy Blanks Bojangs! There is a new survey... done by the Peabody Parks Association... that says ninety-five percent of women would choose to be with a total a-hole who makes five hundred k a year... or no money a year... over only five percent of women who would choose a nice guy who makes somewhere in the sixty thousand dollar range.” “Woooooooow. Woooooooow.” “Men, keep your paper up. We don’t want no scrubs. I have no respect for myself. Here’s a new track by Selena Gomez featuring Chumbawamba called ‘Liquid Starburst,’ oh, but, illy-ism, I almost got ahead of myself, let’s take one more caller to see how they feel about this new song on a Friday.” “Please someone help. I’m terribly old and scared and confused. My dog Biscuits isn’t here anymore. I’m afraid I might die alo...” “WEEEEEKEEEEEEEEEEEEND.” “Oh baby, the way you touch me is like liquid starbursts in my mooouth”