#i am obsessed with the antichrist AND this ship

[s-aint-elmo]

digging out the eah content i created in a frenzy during last year’s summer of obsession part 1: my personal sapphic multishipping guide (created to explain to my friends which of these dolls i think should hold hands)

(more in-depth discussion of the ships below the cut)

the polycule that will take over ever after

kitty/lizzie; kitty/maddie; maddie/lizzie

self-explanatory. frequently purchased together do not separate. bonus shoutout to maddie canonically giving kitty a little kissie on the cheek and getting off scot-free in the books though. a wonderlandiful world was a banquet to me

cedar protection squad

once again a wonderlandiful world and once upon a time i owe you my life. kitty ESP being so adamant abt not giving a shit then turning around and fucking up those boys who were mean to cedar...... i love friendship

kitty/cerise

also self-explanatory. she was a catgirl she was a wolfgirl can i make it anymore obvious. also doribuki’s phenomenal fake dating fanfic....... transformative foundational transcendental

cerise/raven

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND. i entered eah a rapple shipper and exited the book series ready to burn at the stake for cerise/raven. book two was SO MUCH. it had everything. raven befriending cerise despite her attempts to isolate herself. texting in class. winking at each other. raven meeting the parents and hearing embarrassing baby cerise stories. cerise putting it all on the line to save raven. i’m ambivalent about shadow high but cerise gets literally one (1) mention and it’s in raven’s internal monologue wherein she equates cerise’s hood w feelings of warmth and safety. like how was that in any way necessary. i rest my case 

raven & maddie

self-explanatory as well. dabesties. the ride or dies. it means so much to me that raven always has a friend in maddie no matter how many clowns and jokers (derogatory) treat her like the antichrist. maddie the character ever

raven/apple

WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN. the gelphie dynamic is a classic and i am EXTREMELY vulnerable to it. they are THE ship and i will pay my respects to the end of time. i am a big fan of how they trade their roles throughout the franchise and how rich the drama and history are between them. it’s pure fucking poetry.

raven/darling

TBH. a serve. the only thing juicier than evil queen/damsel in distress is evil queen/princess charming. big big fan of darling giving raven the five star princess treatment after a lifetime of being feared and shunned and vilified. equally big fan of raven’s momentous act of rebellion giving darling the courage to be true to herself. ALSO. the absolute archetype-subversion slay of the Pure-Hearted Hero(TM) confronting the Mistress of Evil(TM) and dropping their sword. looking through the smoke and mirrors and the will of Fate itself to see the girl who has wanted nothing but to be kind beneath. swearing their heart and soul and sword to the one true good they have found. picture it. i can almost see the 100-word drabble

raven/apple/darling

now THIS is just THE fairytale couple. the evil queen, the damsel in distress and the princess charming ALL holding hands and riding off into the sunset together. dappling on its own doesn’t do it for me but raven in the mix just makes everything gel perfectly. she’s the tomato in the ratatouille the cornstarch in the spring roll water, etc etc

darling/holly

this is one of those ships where i read a really convincing fic and the more i thought of it the more it just made sense. like they'd read swashbucklers and tales of courtly love together. holly would 100% write a darling placeholder in her self-insert romance fanfic pre-relationship as a way to express her feelings. darling would 100% find out and gently pull her out of the pit of sheer mortification she drilled into the ground to escape. also the height difference is a thing of beauty

safe from the polycule

duchess/poppy

they have one singular episode to their name and it was enough. it was Everything. the dynamic you can extrapolate from that one single interaction is so incredibly appealing to me. duchess’s bitchiness belied by her palpable air of vulnerability coming up against poppy’s spine of steel tempered by her skill in gaining perspective. poppy can challenge duchess into being a better person and duchess can be poppy’s character flaw like idk she just has shit taste in women that was the price she had to pay to be moisturized and unbothered by destiny. i just think they have the potential to be the unexpected, inexplicable power couple of eah

briar/faybelle

do i even need to say anything they had a whole movie to make their case. they’re rapple if rapple got their shit together before armageddon, with the bonus of a potential curse-breaking true love’s kiss for the fanfic authors to thrash between their teeth. truly unlimited. also unlike rapple where raven is 100% against being a villain and therefore it’s apple who has to do the mental gymnastics to open herself to the possibility of a relationship w raven, faybelle is just chomping at the bit to make her momma proud and presents a compelling perspective for the whole “falling in love w your fated nemesis” thing

blondie/cupid

they are icons, they are legends, and they ARE the moment. these two are so chaotic individually, what with blondie’s criminal skillset and habit of menacing innocent woodland creatures and cupid’s matchmaking powers combined w her shitty aim, that putting them together can only mean good things. there’s this whole element of their shared passion as public figures who at their best seek the truth and guide others through matters of the heart respectively that’s always interesting as a point of irony/obstacle when they start catching feelings and have to decide what to do with them. their joint youtuber/podcaster slay can level nations

[emsuemsu]

Tag game

Thank you for the tag @mycupofrum 💕💕 it's always a beautiful day to talk about oneself and also as the curious girlie I am to read about other people!!!

Fave colour: black baby

Last song: according to my spotify history my last played song was on Thursday and it was Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton. That is the only song I listened to that day. It is a banger

Last film: we went to see First Omen a few weeks ago with my friend, absolutely shooketh from it, it was only us and a couple in the last row and they shushed us at one point. Never in my life have I felt more like a teenager in my LIFE. It was mortifying. I’m so embarrassed. We weren’t that loud though, just scared of the movie??? It was a good movie, enjoyed it, next Tuesday we’re going to see Immaculate, this spring is giving antichrist apparently

Currently reading: I have a few fics I’m in the middle of reading (one of them is A Violet Kind of Spin by @cassiaratheslytherpuff which I’m DYING to get back to!!!! jfc it’s so good!!!!! I feel so bad for taking such a long break from it but not a day goes by that I don’t think about it 🥹) and one book (Swimming in the Dark by Tomasz Jedrowski) but my reading vibes have been off for a good few months now!! I’ve read some shorter fics and listened to some podfics but reading in general feels super hard right now. I can’t wait for my summer vacation, maybe I’ll have some peace of mind and will be able to slam some words down. My tbr list is diabolical.

Currently watching: I’m going to be boring and say that I’m still on my Grey’s Anatomy grind. I’m on season 9 episode 10, 10 seasons to go. I’ve been watching s20 as it’s airing right now but it’s just not… it. This show should be taken off life support already 💔

Currently craving: a cigarette, uv index of 7, the beach and a crispy coke zero 😩

Coffee or tea: coffee, I never drink tea

Three ships: Drarry, first and foremost 🙂‍↕️ drarry has caused my brain to rot for almost two decades now and god knows when it’ll stop. I’ve been on and off the fandom, mostly off, but drarry is just a part of my goddamn DNA at this point it’s ridiculous. Next idk man. I have to say it’s a duel between prongsfoot and jegulus, your honor I love them both. Jegulus is a new acquaintance and like I don’t even know if it makes any sense at all (like where did this ship came from???) but jfc I am sat, I am folded I am silenced. But prongsfoot is the love of my life out of these two, I know for a fact that one of the first fics I ever read at the ripe age of 10 or 11-ish was Sirius/James and ever since that they’ve been in my heart, in my soul and in my mind non-stop. Prongsfoot is such a niche ship and I can’t believe it’s not more popular!!! Like they’re soulmates honestly. Funny enough I haven’t read that much of prongsfoot fics, always up for recs 👀👀 I know that was three ships already but I have to mention Kingsley/Charlie and it’s all because of @squintclover and their recent little microfics that just SLAP so hard I’m bruised black. I’m beyond obsessed.

First ship: I mean it was drarry. The one and only.

Currently working on: getting my goddamn ass off the couch and start to clean and do laundry 🥹 I have a few school deadlines as well but that does not spark joy so whatever

Thank you for coming to my ted talk once again!!! I’m tagging @valoale @cassiaratheslytherpuff @lemonlimelea @soliblomst @kk1smet @lucifergraced no pressure spill the tea if feeling like it!! 😌

[beastsovrevelation]

TAG GAME

Tagged by @islemeadow . Thank you so much! ❤

Last song: Sparta by Sabaton

Fav colour: Hard to say. When it comes to clothes, black of course. But, in general, black, dark reds, dark greens, golden, silver, white, grey, some shades of pink, purple and blue... I appreciate then all for different reasons, in various contexts.

Currently watching: At the moment? A video about Biblical monsters. For the record, yes, the random comment in Greek letters is mine. As for shows, I'm in the "wondering what to watch" situation right now.

Last movie: The Nun II, I think. I've re-watched it a lot lately.

Currently reading: The Iliad. And, St. Augustine's Confessions. Both for uni. I had also picked up Livy's Punic Wars, but set it aside for now.

Current obsession: The Antichrist, demons, and Biblical Mythology in general (especially everything to do with Eschatology). Yeah, that's... Not a soothing hobby in the current times. AHS: Apocalypse, which I recently, finally, watched for the previous reasons. And, Warrior Nun. Archangel Michael x The Antichrist ship dynamic. In my original work, and fanfictions. Michael is usually male, and the Antichrist is female, but I've developed a couple of ideas where it's the reverse.

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: Savoury, and spicy.

Current game: I've never gotten into gaming. Does Gardenscapes count?..

Relationship status: Single

Last google: Something about 3rd declension latin nouns.

Currently working on: Fanfiction-wise? I have a few WIPs, too many for my own good. Sanguis Tenebrarum and Age of Angels are my only WIPs currently published (and I am picking at Ch3 of Sanguis). But, I've been also working on my Warrior Nun Biblical AU. And, my AHS ideas. One, is the Millory arranged marriage thing. The other, is Michael Langdon x OC. Her name is also Michael. You know, the Archangel. You guessed that by now, didn't you?.. They are supposed to marry in the end, if only for the punchline.

Tagging: @horror-blog-78 , @nocakesformissedith , @tisdae , @warriorgay07 , @onceuponaweirdo . No pressure, only if you want to!

[honeysuckle-ships]

𝒱𝒾𝓃𝑒𝑔𝒶𝓇 𝒟𝑜𝓅𝓅𝒾𝑜

source: jojo’s bizarre adventure: golden wind

tag: romanza parte a

songs: ? 

oc: illaria 

𝒟𝒾𝒶𝓋𝑜𝓁𝑜

source: jojo’s bizarre adventure: golden wind

tag: romanza parte b

songs: the world we knew (over and over) - frank sinatra // middle of the night - loveless

oc: illaria 

𝒦𝑜𝓊𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑜𝓊 𝐵𝑜𝓀𝓊𝓉𝑜

source: haikyuu

ship tag: ace of hearts

songs: christmas in june - ajr // superstar - marina

oc: naoki 

𝑀𝒾𝓇𝒾𝑜 𝒯𝑜𝑔𝒶𝓉𝒶

source: my hero academia

ship tag: love times a million

songs: kiss goodnight - i don’t know how but they found me // marry you - bruno mars

oc: kiryui

𝑀𝒶𝑔𝓃𝒶 𝒮𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔

source: black clover

ship tag: arson

songs: i don’t want to miss a thing - aerosmith // take a chance on me - abba

oc: corsica

𝑅𝓎𝓊𝓈𝓊𝒾 𝒩𝒶𝓃𝒶𝓂𝒾

source: dr. stone

ship tag: noble desire

songs: the lotto - ingrid michaelson ft. ajr // kiss - prince

oc: ichigo 

𝒦𝒾𝓃𝑔 (𝐻𝒶𝓇𝓁𝑒𝓆𝓊𝒾𝓃)

source: seven deadly sins

ship tag: faeted love 

songs: would you be so kind - dodie // winter winds - mumford and sons

oc: endora 

𝐻𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓃

source: naruto

ship tag: holy love

songs: black wedding - in this moment ft. rob halford // hatef--k - the bravery

oc: hayuma

𝒢𝓇𝒾𝓂𝓂𝒿𝑜𝓌 𝒥𝒶𝑒𝑔𝑒𝓇𝒿𝒶𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓏

source: bleach

ship tag: amor de mi vida

songs: animal - the cab // nfwmb - hozier

oc: corazon

𝒮𝒽𝓊��𝒾 𝐻𝒶𝓃𝓂𝒶

source: tokyo revengers

ship tag: beautifully batshit

songs: undisclosed desires - muse // want - taemin

oc: miki

𝒱𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓂𝑜𝓀𝑒 𝒮𝒶𝓃𝒿𝒾

source: one piece

ship tag: delectable romance

songs: atlas:two - sleeping at last // photograph - cody fry // (bonus: ma belle evangeline from the princess and the frog)

oc: dolcetta

𝒟𝑜𝓃𝓆𝓊𝒾𝓍𝑜𝓉𝑒 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒

source: one piece

ship tag: you are my heart

songs: two oruguitas - sebastian yatra // we’ll meet again - she & him

oc: maravilla

𝒞𝒶𝑒𝓈𝒶𝓇 𝒞𝓁𝑜𝓌𝓃

source: one piece

ship tag: love potion no. 17

songs: aikido! (neurotic/erotic) - will wood and the tapeworms // high enough - k.flay

oc: valencia

𝒟𝑒𝓃𝒿𝒾

source: chainsaw man

ship tag: chainsaw heart

songs: the bidding - tally hall // add it up - violent femmes

oc: ayaka

𝑅𝒶𝓃𝓅𝑜 𝐸𝒹𝑜𝑔𝒶𝓌𝒶

source: bungou stray dogs

ship tag: world’s greatest romance

songs: ?

oc: sylvia

𝒱𝒶𝓈𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓂𝓅𝑒𝒹𝑒

source: trigun + trigun stampede

ship tag: seeds of love

songs: strange magic - electric light orchestra // two birds - regina spektor

𝒢𝓎𝓊𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑜

source: demon slayer: kimetsu no yaiba

ship tag: gore, grime, and obsession

songs: psycho - red velvet // black out days - phantogram

oc: tsuru

𝒮𝑒𝓉𝑜 𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶

source: yu-gi-oh!

ship tag: the heart of my cards

songs: into you - ariana grande // paralyzed - mystery skulls 

oc: emiko

𝒮𝒶𝓈𝓊𝓀𝑒 𝒰𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒽𝒶

source: naruto

ship tag: ai o sagashite

songs: the moon will sing - the crane wives // just like heaven - the cure // (bonus: i am the antichrist to you - kishi bashi) 

oc: ryoko

𝒜𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒶𝓀𝒾 𝐼𝓉𝓉𝑜

source: genshin impact

ship tag: my one and oni

songs: cloud 9 - beach bunny 

oc: adzuki 

𝒱

source: devil may cry 5

ship tag: love’s star

songs: ?

𝒱𝒾𝑒𝑔𝑜

source: league of legends

ship tag: lovers of the mist

songs: ? 

𝐸𝒹𝒹𝒾𝑒 𝑀𝓊𝓃𝓈𝑜𝓃

source: stranger things

ship tag: roll for romance

songs: separate ways (worlds apart) - journey // tear you apart - she wants revenge

𝐿𝑒𝑔𝑜𝓁𝒶𝓈 𝒢𝓇𝑒𝑒𝓃𝓁𝑒𝒶𝒻

source: lord of the rings

ship tag: le annon veleth nin

songs: would that i - hozier // somewhere only we know - keane

oc: astra 

[phoebehalliwell]

i don't know if i'm the only one but i've often wondered exactly how hard it was to convince julian mcmahon to stick around for season five. they took his character, a feared powerful half demon and made him into the butt of the joke and the whole joke was basically ha ha look at this lovestruck fool obsessing and suicidal because he's got nothing to live with but can't die. ain't that funny? like how the fuck did the writers sell that to julian is my question

i find the entirety of season five just so goddamn insulting to cole's character. hell the fact that he got possessed by the source and this was treated as him turning evil instead of a shitty situation that got out of hand. like it wasn't bad enough he was villified for something that he wasn't even in control of half the time they couldn't even just vanquish the dude, they dragged it on and ridiculed him. i hate it here

lol. i mean. yeah. i really. like. it's like. like okay we all know cole was a fan favorite right and he & phoebe were really meant to like. be the sex appeal to the show no one else was really filling that role they were charmed's Sexy Couple tm. so like. in a sense i get the notion ab wanting to keep him around. because everyone loves him! he's bad boy! he adds this dangerous edge love balancing on a knife's point stuff like that. so like. that being said. u wanna keep him around. i just like Do Not Get how you opt to keep him around Like That. tbh. as w all things. i am blaming brad kern. i think it all really started to tank s4 (well, with mortal cole, but like) with source cole. that was bad, but i know it was part of the push to have like long form season drama character driven plots conflict between the sisters themselves it just like. sucked ass and balls imo. like i mean the fact they had to do the source as a possession just so they could get demon cole and lover cole,,, i mean it speaks to how stupid it was. the fact that u wanted cole to be a villain So Bad but the only way to do it was like. possession? sign that u should not do that like. like. like. i don't know how we're supposed to feel ab that.

and then. the vanquish. not sticking. i think like. i think they probably had the vague idea that cole having a mortal soul would not be able to be vanquished properly right? like. demons get destroyed into nothingness, but the human part of him lives, so i think they probably knew that was what they were going to do, that's what they sold to jmm and like. we sowed those seeds in the s4 finale w his ghost whispers and materialization. so i think like. they knew they wanted to Not Kill Him because he was such a fan favorite. maybe there was an intention to do a will they won't they variant of phole? and then. of course. there was the whole idea of paige cole, which, as the rumor goes, was meant to kick of in the s5 pilot, but both julian and rose shut it down. but i feel like. assuming that's true (which i 100% do assume that's true absolutely and i'm not endorsing it i don't think it would have been good or well written or whatever but like. 👀. you know?) but yeah. assuming that's true, i feel like that piece really speaks to what their designs for cole were: man meat. he was meant to be their male sex appeal and they weren't going to be picky about the narrative itself as long as he was still kicking.

but like honestly? i mean i shouldn't have to say this it's a given: it's not enough to just put your sexy man in front of a camera and call it a day like imo even a man who is not sexy can be made appealing through the power of the narrative. like, to level with you, i never really ever shipped phole nor found cole attractive at all like ever, but i can see like the fucking support beams you know i can see the infrastructure on which this whole thing can you know take on a life of its own in the earlier seasons because they very consciously put it there!! people shipped it for a reason n not just because they were two people standing next to each other on a tv screen i mean hello almost sinking a dagger in her heart but can't do it sends her away back to her sisters because he can't act out on his evil plan!! that's something!!!! that's so very something and they gave us Nothing they gave us nothing in the later seasons. and still expected it to fly. like. tbh julian was probably just like unwittingly duped like dragged along for the ride s5 which is likely why he was vanquished halfway through because i'd imagine roughly three episode in he went okay! um. what's this? guys? what's this? and then they said cole<3 you know he like knew he had to get the hell outta dodge.

anyways. if i were to resuscitate phole in s5. which like. to level w u. i wouldn’t. because they would need a lot of one-on-one screentime and we already spent so much of s4 splitting up the sisterhood in the name of phole i wouldn’t really want to continue with that per se But. if i were. this ask is getting long it’s under a cut 

something something demon of the week something something realms the point is cole is there when he very much shouldn’t be and like. he and phoebe get knocked into a different plane. so their bodies are fine and at the manor, but their minds are elsewhere and they need to solve whatever it is in order to get back. and we’ll say there’s a fuckin deadline because the girls need the power of three and right now they are sealed off from accessing it. and you know phoebe’s pretty fuckin pissed with cole because you know. he dragged her down to hell and she almost gave birth to the antichrist. actually source’s heir might be fun to keep around in this au idk. the point is phoebe’s pissed at cole and cole’s pissed at phoebe because phoebe’s pissed at him but he literally didn’t have control over himself in that era and he’s not getting the space he needs to justify himself because phoebe keeps stepping over him. but they gotta work together to get out of here. and were kinda doing enemies to lover 2.0 but like now they have History. of course we’ve gotta do a moment where cole has idk done something normal and phoebe’s so riled up that she does something rash and almost dies cole saves her like catches her bridal style or something faces inches apart breathing heavy and there’s a moment. like a we’re back in early s4 moment. which phoebe immediately breaks from and like walls going flying up but just for a moment there we see it it’s obvious: she’s still in love with cole. which then segues into an argument because like. cole wasn’t sure. right? he wasn’t sure if phoebe now just genuinely hated him. but now he knows right he knows better now so why are you acting like this? why are you taking every opportunity to shut me down to shut me out? why are you acting like you hate me when you know that’s not true right that whole thing to phoebe who gets the Classic because i do hate you. i hate you for what you did to me for what you did to my family and i hate you because i loved you so much and you destroyed me and i hate you because no matter how hard i try that love is still there and i know that for a second if i stop hating you i’m going to love you just like before and you can destroy me again and i hate myself because i’d let you because i love you. you know? big speech. big reveal. i have No Idea what piper and paige are up to right now. the point is. after this big confession we get the lull the cards are on the table what the fuck do we do now which is when cole Finally gets to opportunity to say he was actually possessed by the source and manipulated by the seer and the only thing that kept him holding on was his love for her and after she became queen of hell after he saw what the source had done to her he knew it had to end he doesn’t hold it against her for vanquishing him right this is where we exonerate all wrongs we’re just saying anything bad that has happened ever? scrub it. it’s the source’s fault. cole has no resentment against phoebe. he loves her a healthy, normal, non-possessive amount, so much so He Loves Her So Much he let her kill him and like honestly would probably do it again. idk and then they make out or something. and then they’re out of whatever plane they were in by the end of the episode. And Then we get a buddy cop episode with paige and cole where they bond and also sort through everything that happened there. slowly but surely. and then we do a real phole wedding a super small affair in the manor lowkey bc i hated their wedding episode it blowed we give them a good one. wallah <3

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I think people who complain on your Tom Riddle/Lily Evans might not understand just what kind of Tom Riddle you wrote. He is very human or, otherwise, inhuman in a very human way. I've read a lot of fics with Tom Riddle, including a lot of shipping fics, and lots of time the relationships are somewhat unhealthy - and dramatized, and somehow special and fated. But (in October) Lily and Tom aren't star crossed lovers. It just happened, like things do in life. Or am I completely wrong about this.

I mean, to be perfectly fair, I am the odd one here.

JKR intended Voldemort to be a Palpatine style villain. Someone who is pure, unadulturated, evil inside and out. There’s to be no humanity in him, nothing good, and he was that way from his very sordid birth.

I think most people try to stay in line with that or at least some version of that. I see a lot of Tom Riddle being a sociopath or else a psychopath, or else he’s just mad. He’s often noted by authors of being incapable of real love, and he ends up in these toxic, abusive, BDSM relationships with the character of your choice. The fic may end with the relationship trying to convince us it’s love, that Tom Riddle has redeemed himself in some way, but the toxicity is part of it.

And a lot of people really like this character archetype. They like the sexy, dangerous, horrifying male romantic lead who whisper’s in his innocent lover’s ear, “Darling, I will never let you go. I have seen your heart and it is mine!” 

I throw all that out the window and I think it leaves a lot of people out of sorts.

I get a couple of common complaints. Not from everyone, but now and then, one that does come up is I write a very human Tom Riddle. He’s generally very messed up, has a very shitty life, but he’s more than capable of strong romantic love. To me, his great failing is falling into nihilist despair and giving up completely on the world and mankind. 

But yes, Tomarry especially, people like the starcrossed, fated, lovers aspect. They like Tom not understanding what love is and being this dark, obsessive, lead. They like the unhealthy toxic relationships and...

Well, I don’t, at all. I don’t think I could write a standard Tomarry story if I tried. Well, I did try, it was called “October” and look how that turned out. (Seriously, in the planning stages I went “I should try my hand at a slash fic” and this is what we get.)

But anyways, so right off the bat I’m breaking a lot of assumptions of Harry Potter fandom regarding Tom Riddle and romantic relationships with him. That sends a lot of people scurrying out the door.

The other is that the pairing itself is apparently so mind bending it actually makes people feel sick. First, it’s one of those things where it feels like two completely random characters I shoved together. I get that, completely, I look insane. More than that though, there’s just something about this pairing that reads a lot like me swearing in church.

There’s just some things you don’t do.

I don’t know what the others are but I can tell you that one of them is Tom/Lily.

Granted, I think a lot of it was because I introduced it in a primarily Tom/Harry fic in which Harry has now dumped Tom’s ass for twenty chapters and several decades, which made people very very very upset but that’s not all of it.

I often make decisions that greatly upset my readers (I really don’t know why you all stick around so long). I kill off beloved characters, I have bad guys win, I have my protagonists make mind numbingly stupid decisions, I have plot twists no one agrees with, I have the main pairing fall apart into a mess and hook up the lead character with somebody else. For nearly every fic I’ve written there is at least one chapter where I’m told what a moron I am, that my story is stupid, and that obviously x, y, and z should have happened and I as an author am just lazy/angst wanking/insert your derogatory term of the day here.

To this day I have never received the same kind of vitriol and hatred that I did over Tom/Lily. Really nasty terms were bandied about, I received some impressive insults towards me about how Ao3 was a better place specifically because me and my dirty ilk weren’t there (the joke being I infested Ao3 eventually like a plague), and I was certain I had lost every single reader (and somewhat surprised to find I somehow hadn’t).

Tom/Lily, on some fundamental level, just seems to disturb people. I think part of it is they picture a Tom Riddle very different to mine. Part of it though is that seeing Tom/Lily is like seeing the antichrist, you just know that thing is pure evil and must die when you lay eyes upon it.

Which is, of course, why I am a heretic.

[sweetlangdon]

And Baby Makes Four (Michael Langdon x Reader)

Notes: Roommates ‘verse domestic fluff! There’s also a hint about a future Roommates fic in this one (future as in it’s yet to be written, but in the ‘verse timeline, it already happened). 

Word Count: 3.2k+

Warnings: Brief mention of vomiting. 

 A cloud of dust blossoms in the sunbeams on the floor when Michael drops another cardboard box at his feet. It immediately triggers a sneezing fit. You look up from where you’re unpacking a box of bathroom towels and laugh as Michael loses his composure. He’s indignant when it’s over, a little red-faced, a deep frown forming creases between his eyebrows. It makes you laugh harder, bent-double over your folded legs, your stomach aching. You can’t help it—the move has you running on a sleep schedule that isn’t worth mentioning, and it’s so rare to see Michael like this. He’s gotten as much sleep as you have and yet, frustratingly, it doesn’t affect him in the same way. You think it’s got to be the damn Antichrist thing.

He grumbles something you can’t quite make out, but you’re sure it’s full of swearing and mild grievances.

You sneeze when the dust drifts over to you. “You’re human,” you tell him. “I know you only hate it when it’s an inconvenience.”  

Like when his appendix almost burst. Or when he sliced his hand open on a broken glass. (Though that one didn’t require a trip to the ER, just some Antichrist magic.) You’ve been with Michael long enough to know he doesn’t get sick. And although it’s easier to forget he’s not completely human these days, there’s always something inane to remind you.

“We can clean this place up once I find the broom and dust pan,” you say, rising to your feet. It’s precarious, maneuvering around the piles of boxes that have taken over your new living room. But you aren’t used to all the space. “You know, this would go a lot faster if I helped carry in the boxes.”

Michael holds up a hand. “No.”

You notice the dust and lint that’s speckled his usual all-black attire. It’s more casual than what he normally wears—jeans and a dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up—but you’re baffled by how it still makes him the most ethereal person you’ve ever met.

You’ve been married for a couple years and he still has that effect.

“We have…a lot of shit, Langdon,” you answer. Married and you can’t help the affectionate use of his last name. Even though it’s yours now. It’s a habit you’re not looking to break. “Who knew? All this shit crammed into that tiny ass apartment. I mean, half of it is your wardrobe, but…”

A smirk, barely there, finds its way through Michael’s fading annoyance. “I’ve got it,” he insists.

“I’m perfectly capable,” you reply. You kick lightly at a box labeled Kitchen. “I did pack them and load them into the truck.”

“Well, then, you can unpack them,” he says. And you know it’s because he’s shoving the chore on you, because you both really hate the whole packing and unpacking part of this whole exhausting deal.

“Sure.” You exhale and cross your arms. “Give me the fun job.”

“You say that like you think I’m having fun.”

“Aren’t you?” You arch an eyebrow.

You know you both really, really hate the actual moving. You just want to mess with him.

Michael brandishes his arms at his sides, all sarcasm and mischief. It’s hilarious, you think, because Michael looks practically regal since he’s grown his hair out. Like he belongs anywhere but here, standing in the middle of your spacious, albeit dusty living room, beads of sweat trickling down his temples from the exertion. Unloading boxes off the U-Haul truck while looking like a fucking GQ model. It’s really fucking unfair. The hair that now brushes his shoulders, like gold silk, makes him even more attractive and otherworldly. It’s distracting. And you think the neighbors have already started eyeballing him.

But he’s the one who chose this. Who chose you and this life. He chose it.

There isn’t a day that goes by that you’re not a little stunned by it all.

Michael closes the distance separating the two of you and leans in to press a kiss on your forehead. You turn up your face to catch him before he tries to move away, a soft press of your lips to his, a grin shared between you.

“I hate it,” he says, slightly breathless as the words are whispered against your lips, mischief still flashing in the bright blue of his eyes. You don’t believe him, not completely; you know he’s playing the same game you are. He nudges your nose with his. “But I can handle it. You should rest.”

“I’m fine.” You roll your eyes when Michael pulls away. “I’m feeling better already. This move is just stressing me out.”

But he stares at you a little too long, and you think that he doesn’t exactly buy it. “Take a break and find the cat,” he suggests, voice drifting in before he shuts the front door behind him.

“He doesn’t want to be found,” you shout back. “He’s mad at us.”

And it was true. You set the little hell beast free in the house—probably against your better judgment, in hindsight—so he could settle into his new home. The two of you are sure he isn’t pissed off enough to run away, and you’ve been keeping close watch on the only door that’s been opened and shut all afternoon. But you haven’t seen him for hours, not even when you shook the pouch of cat treats and the rattle of them echoed through the empty rooms. He’s hidden himself somewhere good in a show of protest. For uprooting him from the comfortable, quaint city apartment he’s known all this life to this massive old Victorian in the suburbs.

He’ll come around. Eventually.

You were the first to fall in love with the house. Right before you realized it bore a passing resemblance to the house Michael was born in, the house that had caused him so many night terrors. And you let go of it because you didn’t want to do that to him. You couldn’t. It didn’t seem right, to have him try and make a place like this home. But then he surprised you, assured you that the past was firmly behind him and this house was nothing like that wretched Hellmouth. That there was nothing evil to be found here except a few repairs that the realtor warned you about. No bones buried in the backyard. No vengeful ghosts roaming its halls. Not even a death on the property. It was all sunlight streaming through windowpanes and dusty hardwood floors and stained glass and vintage charm. It was, in a word, perfect.

The cat would think otherwise.

Standing in the middle of your living room, hands planted on your hips, you consider the overwhelming task ahead of you. There’s brief moments where you miss the cramped apartment, if only because you’re sick of unpacking. New furniture sits in the boxes they were shipped in. The few pieces you took with you from the apartment have been draped in old sheets. Michael refused to part with the couch—his couch, but he claimed the cat wanted it more—so you’ve agreed to put it in the den at the back of the house. There’s boxes on top of more boxes and you’ve been sorting them for a fucking eternity.

Maybe it is time for a break. You’ve been assuring Michael that you’re fine since yesterday morning when you started moving things into the house. He worries about you endlessly (and, given your shared history, you think he has every right to) but you don’t want him to be anxious over nothing. Moving house is stressful enough. It’s worn you down, made you anxious and restless and tired. A little fatigue and a queasy stomach isn’t something that’s worth obsessing over.

At least, that’s what you tell yourself as you’re uselessly shaking the cat treats throughout the house and calling your cat every terrible nickname you’ve collected for him over the years. You wind through the kitchen to the den, then backtrack upstairs, down a hallway lined with vacant bedrooms. You don’t get a response, not even a half-assed, angry meow from a closet. The nausea you’ve been fighting off for the past few days rears its ugly head again. It’s happened in waves, at random, disrupting your busy schedule. You know stress makes your stomach unsettled, makes you feel like absolute shit, so you haven’t thought much of it except irritation.

This time, it hits you like a goddamn truck, sends you running for the upstairs bathroom. You make it—barely—and you’re left feeling more like shit once you’ve lost the contents of your stomach in the toilet. The antique tiles under your knees are cold. You lean over the toilet bowl until you’re sure it’s passed, until you don’t have anything left in your stomach. Catching your breath, listening to the loud flush of water, you sit on the chilled floor with your back against the wall.

You tilt your head back to lean on cold, outdated tile. And you’re left with a few scattered thoughts. You haven’t thrown up like that, aside from the occasional hangover, since you caught the flu a few years ago. But this doesn’t feel like the flu. Panic rising, you start going over dates in your head. Counting. The move has thrown everything off; you haven’t even realized that your period is late. Absurdly late. Uncharacteristically late.

“Shit,” you mutter to the empty room. Your voice echoes. “Am I that oblivious?”

You dumbass, you think to yourself. How could you not notice?

Things have been so hectic lately. You try not to blame yourself too much. But you can’t help the rush of anxiety that seizes you on your way back downstairs. You forget the cat treats in the hallway and decide to leave it, hoping it will lure him out. Michael passes you in the doorway, arms laden with a couple of boxes labeled Clothes. You’ve already grabbed your purse, and you kind of hate how you dash past him without meeting his eyes, your cheeks flushed.

“Did you find the cat?”

“Nope,” you answer. Quick, short, and completely suspicious.

Michael stops in the threshold. “Going somewhere? What did we forget?”

You turn around, halfway down the path that winds up to the front porch. “Nothing,” you tell him. “I’m grabbing lunch. Any requests?”

You try so hard to appear calm and nonchalant about the shitty excuse you’re giving your husband, who definitely knows when you aren’t being honest. It’s that preternatural intuition he has, sniffing out lies. You realize before you say it that he’s not going to believe you, but you’re surprised when he doesn’t question it.

“Whatever you want.” He shrugs one shoulder and disappears inside the house.

You’re shaking the whole way, hoping that you don’t have to throw up again. It’s not that you dread the news, exactly; the two of you have talked about it. You want kids. It just seems like it would be horrible timing—two huge life changes within a span of months.

The trip to the nearest convenience store is an adventure. No one knows you here, yet you look over your shoulder as you’re contemplating pregnancy test brands like you’re a teenager being caught by their nosy parents. It’s ridiculous. But the paranoia’s already set in and there’s not much you can do to stop it. Michael still has enemies lurking. There’s a reason beyond the myriad of other reasons why you carry around pepper spray and took some self-defense classes.

Even though they’re miles away in New Orleans, the witches still freak you out. Actually, after the last encounter you had with them, you fucking hate them. What if they wanted to take all of this away from you before you even had it? They’ve tried before. What’s stopping them now?

It’s not fucking easy being the wife of the ex-Antichrist.

You sigh and push four different tests into the plastic basket. You’re jittery the whole time you’re waiting in line, steal glances around you as the cashier rings them up. You’re so damn preoccupied with your own frantic thoughts that you almost forget about lunch entirely. And by the time you get back to the house with takeout and the bag from the store shoved into your purse, you’re not even hungry. Michael notices you wandering into the kitchen in a daze and pokes his head around the corner before he leans against the doorframe.

His eyebrows pull together. “Are you all right?”

“Uh, yeah,” you answer. “Just tired. I’m…not really hungry. Think I’ll take a nap before I start unpacking the kitchen stuff.”

Michael takes your hand when you meet him in the threshold of the kitchen. His long fingers lace between yours for a moment, then his fingertips brush across your knuckles, skipping over the sapphire on your wedding band. His gaze flickers from your hands to your eyes, and you try to avoid his look of concern.

“Are you sure?” His voice is deep and quiet. At your nod, Michael is reluctant to let go. “I’ll unpack them—get some sleep. Take care of yourself.”

He kisses the top of your head and you lean into him for a few seconds longer; he’s all warmth and rich cologne and soap, a balm for your unsteady nerves.

Whatever happens, you know you’ll be fine.

***

The wait is unbearable. You pace around the upstairs bathroom—which is about twice the size of the one in your old apartment—with enough nervous energy to power the whole house for at least a year. It’s so quiet up here, even with the door cracked open slightly, that you can hear your own pulse rushing in your ears.

Still no sign of the cat, though.

The timer you set on your phone makes you jump out of your skin. Once you’ve eased yourself down on the edge of the bathtub—one of those vintage claw foot ones, peak luxury in your opinion—you have to remind yourself to exhale. It takes a minute to calm your racing heart and another two or three to summon the courage to actually look at the results.

And when you do, the test is positive.

It’s all right there, clear as day, spelled out for you in bold, black letters. Positive.

“Okay,” you whisper to the empty bathroom. Your stomach lurches and you’re surprised it’s not nausea. It’s excitement and joy and fear and love all at once, so overwhelming that your hands start to shake. Blinking away a few tears, your palm settles on your stomach. A reflex. Maybe some instinct. “So, there’s that. Let’s just make sure…”

Three tests later, you line them up on the counter and study the four positives staring back at you. You’re sure, at this point, that they’re right. There’s no mistake. You can feel it, even—you know it’s true, now, once you’ve had time to process everything you’ve overlooked. You’re pregnant. Everything is still and quiet, except for distant chirping of birds somewhere outside, as you stand there gawking at your future. It terrifies you, but the fierce, protective love that’s suddenly surging through you is so much more powerful.

Fuck it, you’re going to be okay.

A soft knock on the door interrupts your scattered thoughts, the immense quiet. You feel Michael step into the bathroom before you turn around to face him; everything is always so much warmer with him nearby. And when you look at him, you’ve got silent, overwhelming tears spilling down your cheeks.

“I came up to check on you.” He moves closer, fingertips grazing your elbows lightly. You uncross your arms to trail a hand down his arm until your fingers stop at his wrist, your fingers finding their way between his. You don’t even have to look. “What is it?” His words are a low, rumbling whisper and you’re so close that you feel it in your ribs.

“I’m…sorry for getting all weird on you earlier,” you reply. “I guess now I have an explanation for that.”

He reaches out, eyes narrowed a little, and brushes your cheek. There’s a grin somewhere on his lips but he’s holding back. “And that would be…?”

“Well, four tests later, and,” you’re crying still but there’s a smile on your lips, “I’m pregnant.”

You watch the slow, radiant grin that illuminates Michael’s face, the tears that make his eyes shine in the dim overhead lights. And it takes you all of twenty seconds to understand that it was there all along, he was just waiting for you to finally break the news. For you to catch up.

You laugh. “You knew.”

Michael’s head tilts to one side, golden hair spilling over one shoulder. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you to him. “For about a week and a half.”

“Fucking hell, Langdon.” You brace your hands against his chest. Not so much an accusation as it is a surprise. “And you didn’t say anything?”

“I didn’t want to scare you,” he says. “I wanted you to find out yourself, tell me when you were ready.”

“How in the…how did you know?”

He stares at you. Pointedly. But that grin is there. “You should know by now not to ask.” He holds you, forehead resting against yours, and his gaze wanders down to your stomach. “I felt it—sensed something that was barely there. But I knew it then. It was sudden, one day while we were still packing up the apartment.”

“I can’t believe you kept it a secret,” you tell him. “That must’ve killed you.”

Michael presses his lips to your temple, leaves a soft kiss. “Every day.”

“And that’s why you insisted on moving the boxes yourself,” you realize. “Which is ridiculous.”

“Can’t be too careful.”

This time you kiss him, untangling your fingers to loop your arms around his neck. He’s gentle with you, maybe too much, but you can’t fault him for it. You notice how light his touch his, how he holds you against him like he doesn’t want to hurt you, like he won’t let anyone else harm you or the baby. But the kiss isn’t exactly gentle—it’s fierce and simmering and then blazing hot, just like his skin. You can feel every single fucking thing in it; Michael’s intense love for you, the love he has for your child, the fear and excitement thrumming through his veins, all of it fighting against whatever this world told him he was supposed to be. Whatever he was born for, whatever fucked up purpose he was going to serve, that’s all in the past now.

It’s only you and him and your baby.

And the cat.

The kiss is only broken, the heat tempered when something soft and furry winds in between your legs. Michael groans, all dramatic, as you’re left to catch your breath. He glares down at the pitch black lump rubbing against his pant leg, electric green eyes upturned to you both.

“Well, there’s the fucking cat.”

You snort a laugh. “Figures.” Sighing, you comb your fingers through Michael’s slightly disheveled hair. “Hey there, you little shit. Guess what? You’re going to have to share us in about nine months, and you’re probably going to hate it.”

The little hell beast blinks at you slowly and offers an indignant meow.

Michael’s laugh reverberates in your chest. You feel warm and loved when his hands settle on your stomach, when his nose bumps yours. “He hates us.”

You put a hand on top of his. “Oh, yeah. He’s pissed.”

***

@lastregasolitaria @mylippo @zeciex @lvngdvns @langdonsdemon @wvntersldr @sojournmichael @gabnelson98 @antichristlangdxn @keavysmithxoxo  @batgirlbride  @dead-witch-boy @boofy1998 @gentianea @cryptid-coalition  @kinlovecody @yuriohoe04 @electricurie @marvel-rpdr-and-ahs @gallxntdean @jcshadowkiss-blog @frozenhuntress67 @sebastianshoe @dixmond-taurus @bookobssesed99 @sassylangdon @queenie435 @holylangdon  @angsty-otters-blog @denaexr @mr-langdonn @micheallangdons @lostin-fern @crazedcatcuddler @michaelsapostle​ @wroteclassicaly​ @monsucre @ritualmichael  @queencocoakimmie @bluelancesredswords @theharvestgirloffire @punkysouls @sevenwondr @prettykitten123 @zoebensvn @kylosbabe @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @readsalot73 @americanhorrorstudies  @tiny-ruby-seeds @confettucini @xavierplympton​ @kaetastic

[umbraastaff]

I’ve just been thinking--it’s about time I make a proper index for my TAZ fics, huh? Also contains: mini-series, ficlets, goof posts, and lyric comics.

(All of the fics are rated G, or T at most for McElroy-appropriate language.)

FICS

I Saw Seven Bounties | Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends, Complete | Mostly lighthearted, episodic recounting of Kravitz and Barry’s rivalry throughout those first twelve years on Faerun. 24K. -->Extras: Lich Eyes, Fantasy Starbucks, Alt POV for Chapter 1 & Chapter 5, Sorry

They Say Fire Took Phandalin | Small-town supernatural/sorta-haunted-house AU |  Fresh out of grad school, Barry Bluejeans takes a job and a house in the rural nowhere-town of Phandalin. And it’s not like he thought fitting in would be a walk in the park, but the people there all act really weird, and it’s almost like they’re expecting something of him, too. 11K/~20K.

What Can’t Be Done Alone (Detective Squad) | Canon Divergent, Found Family, Fluff | AU where the voidfish works a little better, and Angus never finds the Bureau. Instead, he finds a strange lich in a cave, and he most certainly continues to work this case and not gradually get adopted instead. 18K/~22K. -->Extras: Drangus AU Oneshot

If I Wanted to be Funny I’d Name This Fic “The Time Belt” | Futuristic sci-fi AU feat. time travel | Taako meets the only people in years who recognize the Institute’s name. Known time criminal Barry Bluejeans continues to evade law enforcement. 2K/??.

Overgrowth / Undercurrent | Roleswap AU, Johnchurch, Pining, Twoshot, Happy ending optional | Overgrowth is a oneshot that follows John, the Starblaster’s chief diplomat, through a series of parleys with Merle, the center of the plane-consuming mass of plants that’s been chasing his crew. Undercurrent is a sequel about their post-canon reunion. 4K + 6K. --> Extras: PLAYLIST by @merle-casts-zone-of-truth

Davenport Remembers | Post-canon, Oneshot | Davenport meets with his crew members to try to reconcile his anger with Lucretia, or to decide whether he should. 1.5K.

MINI-SERIES

AU Where Taako is a Lich - Pretty much what it says on the tin here, folks!

Baritz (ask series) - A fusion of Barry and Kravitz, who took over my blog and answered asks for a while. (He originated in the Gallows/S&S lyric comic.)

Good Adventures (Good Omens crossover) - The Antichrist’s wishes summon the wrong boatful of aliens. Thankfully, it seems they’re apocalypse experts. [with plot-ideas help from @avijohann​.]

Omen Zone (Good Omens crossover 2) - Barry is a demon. Kravitz is an angel. Kravitz probably won’t ever admit that they’re friends.

Pokémon: Century Version (Pokémon crossover) - Stolen Century AU where they’re all pokémon trainers. Faerun spin-off: Double Trouble

Till Death, Don’t Let’s Start - Barry fucks up. Kravitz is present.

Very Normal Blog Posts (ask series) - In which Garfield is not at all dangerous, and I am perfectly fine. <alt: chronological link - desktop only>

COMICS & ART

Gallows/Steady and Stronger (Double lyric comic) - Canon-divergent AU where, as the world is ending, Barry gives up to Kravitz. [Image description version]

[Lyric Comics] - Other, shorter lyric comics based on single verses of songs.

Dear Scientist’s Log (series) - Illustrated ship logs from Barry J. Bluejeans.

Movie Madness (Comic) - Barry obsesses over the unforgivable.

Palette Prompts (Arts) - Art from art meme prompts.

Pregananant (goof comic) - You know the one.

REAPER (Comic) - Baritz fuses with Lup.

These Jeans? (Animatic) - Barry advertises jeans.

They’re Both Tessa Thompson (Comic) - Lucretia has a nightmare. Barry reassures her.

War (Goof comic) - prompt: "taakitz with CAT”

What’s bigger than this? - The Red Robe.

FICLETS

Back Soon - Kravitz leaves a note with unfortunate wording.

Bodyswap: Barry & Davenport - During Wonderland.

Casual - AU where the red robe talks like a normal person.

Command - Barry misuses his magic.

Davenport - There’s something unsettling about that butler.

Hangin’ Out - Lup and Magnus.

Harvest - Roleswap AU: Barry is the Hunger.

Healing Necromancy - Merle tries to teach Barry some tricks.

Hope - Barry knows she’s still out there.

How Long? - Taako is frustrated.

In Pieces - The staff.

Liches Forget Too - AU.

Lucretia Forgets - In which there was a mistake with the voidfish ichor.

Lup’s Robe - Gifts from Taako.

Mourning Glories - The flowers in Merle’s beard.

New Years - Celebrations and fears.

Parole - Barry and Kravitz bonding hours.

Phone a Friend - Baritz (the fusion from Gallows/S&S) meets Angus.

Raising the Dead - Barry has to use his crew members’ corpses. [sequel]

Robbie...? - Magnus breaks into the brig immediately after Petals to the Metal.

Second Apocalypse - Based on that one party liveshow. What was the rest of the crew doing, again?

3 Sentence Fics - Pairing + AU prompts.

Smartstone - Lup gets stuck in a Stone of Far Speech, instead.

Stir Crazy - Barry waiting for a new body to grow. Thoughts of Lucretia.

Writing Things Down - In case you forget (again).

You Remember - Taako remembers.

PROMINENT GOOFS

Barry’s Dead - But he’s fine! Calm down!

Character Development - Joke’s on you, DM!

Crystal Kingdom - An absolutely bonkers arc.

Dealer - Merle pun.

Decapitate Me - for making this post

Don’t Care - Taako during the finale. [bonus]

Epilogue - Bracer struggles. [bonus: 1, 2]

Explain the Hunger (Good Omens crossover) - Magnus explains the hunger to Aziraphale and Crowley. They react in varying ways. [with cursed art contributions from @avijohann and @mspainttaz]

Fifteen Dollars - Plus interest. [Bonus]

Fullmetal Kingdom - They’re the same, right?

Gender - And lack of roles.

Gnomes Don’t Exist - They’re all aliens, actually.

Hot Diggity Shit - Been a while.

Icon Confusion - The saga of people thinking my icon is a carrot. [chrono link - desktop only]

Incomprehensible Denim - Jeff Angel’s illegal pants.

In Case it Changes Anything - Taako, Kravitz, and lies.

Irresponsible Teens - Magnus and Lucretia get into trouble.

I Saw Seven Nerds - That’s the post.

Gogurt - Taako’s crimes.

Learning to Drive - i.e. Barry & Davenport Bonding(?) Hours.

Live Shows - The general mood.

Lucretia’s Efforts - A proper meme? On my TAZ blog?

Lup Said No Thanks - That time Magnus was in a tree.

Magnus’ Death - So many close calls.

Nearest Middle-Aged Woman - Clint’s characters’ friends.

Necromancy? - You must be mistaken!

Ned’s Aliases - The Truth.

Pirate Debt - Davenport during that one liveshow.

Punch Squad - SQUAD!

Reaper Cloak - Thoughts.

Relic Names - She probably changed them.

Responsible Necromancy - Good and bad ideas.

Resume - It’s not like they thought it would be relevant.

Schools of Magic - And the Sash was what, again?

Self Care - Respect the dead, please.

Server Shenaniganry (art) - TAAKO THE CAT, NO!

Soulmate AU - Where your soulmate’s greatest enemy is on your wrist. [alt]

Stern’s Truth - You Know.

Taako’s Last Name - Taako’s last name.

Team Composition - The post where everyone wants to argue with me about what qualifies as a wizard.

Third Option - Taako saves the day.

You’re Laughing - End of Suffering Game.

THEORIES/MECHANICS/THOUGHTS

Aloof - Holes Taako refuses to fill.

Barry’s Lucky Possessee - Graphic novel theory hopes & dreams.

Catpiling - Stolen Century thought.

Davenport’s Deaths - Sucks when you always wake up driving.

Death Leaves a Mark - Stolen Century AU concept.

Everyone Else - Some people didn’t get perfect endings.

Fantasy Nonsense - lore about the word “fantasy,” as in “Jesus Fantasy Christ.”

Fragments - Magnus’ memory.

Forgiveness - Old post about the crew’s thoughts on Lucretia’s actions.

Forgot to Erase - Lucretia’s errors.

FULL TIMELINE POST - the Balance timeline.

Gauntlet - (disproven!) Theory about the final relic, from before it was confirmed in the show.

Gnome Nicknames - Thoughts on Cap’nport.

High School AU - Some old headcanons.

Home World Names - The pattern in surnames (or lack thereof) on the IPRE’s homeworld.

Hour - This isn’t a thought so much as an Actual Thing That Magnus Said before the time loops had started, which is absurd.

Idiots in Love - The IPRE’s collective braincell was lost for all of Legato. [2]

Liches, Alone - Being stuck as raw emotion for an awfully long time.

Losing Julia - And subsequent developments.

Love - What was remembered and forgotten.

Love Without Fear - Thoughts on bonds during the Stolen Century.

Memory - Barry actually shouldn’t have remembered anything.

Nickname - Memory of Lup.

Paladin Barry Theory - Converging evidence on Barry’s multiclassing.

Paradox AU - blueprint for 8th, 9th, 10th, etc. Bird AU of your choice(s). (Extra)

Phylactery Mechanics - How liches differ.

Produce Flame - Mechanics of John killing Merle.

Recklessness - THB’s actions recontextualized.

Relic Schools of Magic - They don’t have them!!!

Relicswap AU - Where all the birds get swapped out.

Seven Birds as Gods - Ask-prompt thoughts.

Staring at the Sun - The birds and their light sensitivity.

Story, Song, & Sorcery - Effects on the young population.

Sword Tornado - Magnus Mechanics. [bonus: Time Warlock]

The Good Place AU - A series of crossover thoughts.

Tree Climbing - Davenport shenanigans.

Unique Magic Types - [and combo styles]

What Killed Maureen - hint: it wasn’t Fisher.

[veliseraptor]

time for another one of these things because I’m obsessed and bad at making decisions! send me a number (or up to three) and I will write 150 words in that project. 

eleven up for grabs this time. I have to keep it narrowed down a little.

1. The others introduced themselves until Loki was the only one remaining. “You already know me,” he said. Gamora studied him for a long moment.

“I met your brother,” she said. “Our ship found him floating in space.”

Loki flinched, his already closed expression closing further. “And did you tell him we’d met?”

“No,” Gamora said. “He was grieving. I did not see any use in adding to his burden.”

It was impossible to read what Loki was thinking. With her powers, she might have at least had a sense, but as it was… 

“How altruistic of you,” he said. (Dead Superheroes Walking)

2. “They are your brothers,” Odin said, his voice a little harder. “Your family.”

“One of them,” she said. “The other is–”

“Choose your next words carefully, my daughter,” Odin said lowly. Hela glanced at him. 

“Adopted,” she said, leveling the word with all the scorn she could put in it. Her father’s eyes snapped with a trace of the Battle-Crow. She felt a little thrill in spite of herself, some part of her bracing for battle.

“And no less your brother for it,” he said, his voice hard. “You would do well to remember that. Whatever your personal feelings, I expect you to set them aside. Asgard’s royal family should stand united, and when they are older I will expect you to serve as a mentor to them both.” Hela met his eyes squarely. 

“You are my father,” she said, “and my ruler. But I am your heir, and your Executioner. Not a wet-nurse.” (swords into plowshares)

3. “You’re making this up as you go along, aren’t you,” Valkyrie said, though she sounded more resigned than accusatory.

“Do you have any better suggestions?” Loki’s voice was caustic. “I have a plan. A loose one. That leaves us room to maneuver if anything...unexpected...comes up.”

Carol’s eyebrows were halfway up her forehead and she looked profoundly skeptical. “I’m starting to regret letting you take the lead on this,” she said.

Loki’s nostrils flared. “If something needs a photon blast to the face you shall be the first I inform. Until then, perhaps let someone with diplomatic training deal with this?”

“You have diplomatic training? Wouldn’t have guessed,” Carol said. Steve saw Loki’s eyes narrow, but he just sped up his already quick stride. (we live until we die)

4. He slid his fingers into my hair then and pulled my head back until my neck hurt and then said, “do you know what I am going to do to you now, darling?”

I swallowed and shook my head. 

“It is an old piece of magic,” Malkar said, and his voice was like velvet, but velvet with a knife under it or something, and I’d’ve sworn I could feel it all the way down in my bones. “It is called the obligation d’sang. Do you know what that means?”

I shook my head again. 

“It is also known as the binding-by-blood,” Malkar said, still in that voice, and he let me go and stood up. “You are my student now, Felix. Do you know what that makes me?” 

“My master,” I whispered.

“Yes,” he said, and I could hear him smiling. (Pygmalion)

5. “Not that - not that our Lo is forthcoming in general, is he? Talks so much but doesn’t say a thing. Not really.” 

Loki’s stomach sank. Thor’s eyes darted toward him, narrowed slightly, then moved away. “You think so?” he said. 

The Grandmaster cocked his head. “You wouldn’t agree?” he asked. “You don’t - mm, you don’t find him...uncommunicative?”

“Grandmaster,” Loki said, “I’ve always been perfectly open with you.” 

“Ha,” the Grandmaster said. “Haven’t you,” and waggled his eyebrows. Loki flushed, and the Grandmaster grinned at him and then said, “but - not what I meant, sweetheart.” (Speak every man the truth)

6. Somehow, Aziraphale found that he’d begun visiting Crowley’s flat weekly to tend the plants.

Aziraphale had never met flora as anxiety-ridden as Crowley’s. Of course, he wasn’t certain that he could claim he’d met any other anxiety-ridden flora, but that was beside the point. 

“Heavens,” Aziraphale said. “What do you think I’m going to do to you?”

Naturally, no one answered. Aziraphale sighed. When Crowley got back, Aziraphale was going to ask him to explain how he had managed to traumatize a room full of plants. (Out of Office)

7. Lymond was quiet. He propelled himself to his feet, turned, and walked a few steps away, long-fingered hands folding behind his back. “Kuzum is not my son. He is Joleta’s. By her brother.” 

Richard took a sharp breath. “You are certain?”

“Yes.” Lymond’s voice was level, empty of feeling. Richard waited, but he said no more.

“Does Philippa know?” 

“Perhaps. Perhaps not. I haven’t told her. She loves him, and he her.” 

Richard stood slowly and approached Lymond. “And what of your son?” he asked quietly, almost against his own will. Lymond was silent for a long while, but Richard did not press him, sensing that to do so would be a grave mistake.

“Not oats, but wheat of blood...he died,” Lymond said. “In a chess game.” (haec olim meminisse iuvabit)

8. the Lymond/Jerott/Gabriel fic set during Disorderly Knights (A Well-Adorned God)

9. “Muspellheim,” Loki said, incredulous.

“Yes,” Thor said.

“You want to go to Muspellheim,” Loki repeated. Not so much hoping that he’d misheard - he was certain he hadn’t - as hoping that he might pull some ounce of sense out of Thor and make him realize the absurdity of what he was suggesting.

“Is that not what I said?” Thor said, a trace of irritation entering his voice. 

“Why?” 

Thor looked taken aback by the question. “Why? Why not? We have never gone before. The land of the fire giants, Loki. Of Surtur the Ever-Burning. Dragons and fire demons-”

“You are not making this more appealing.” (with ash in your mouth)

10. “If your resources are strained,” Loki said desperately, “I do not want to be - a weight on you. I wouldn’t take offense if you needed to leave me behind.”

“Don’t be silly,” the Grandmaster said. “Turn you out on your ear like that? Loki. It’s like you think I don’t care about you.” He twisted toward him and turned Loki’s head in his direction with one finger. “Besides, where do you think you’d go, kitten? Who else in the universe loves you like I do?”

The first thought that surfaced was Thor, but then he thought of him saying maybe it’s for the best if we never see each other again, of him walking away as Loki thrashed on the floor, leaving him behind at the mercy of the Grandmaster. No, if he found Thor again - if Thor was even alive - Loki didn’t think he’d be welcomed with open arms. (no good doing what I’m told)

11. Aziraphale opened his mouth, and she said, “can you explain why you think Lucifer would want to hurt Mr. Crowley?”

Aziraphale seemed to slump. “Just Crowley,” he said. “And it’s…” He gave her a sidelong look, and then said, “there was supposed to be an Apocalypse. The Apocalypse, really. The Antichrist rose, the Four Horseman rode, Above and Below had their armies ready to go, the Last Battle and all that-”

Chloe stared. “I didn’t hear anything about this.” 

“It was in Tadfield,” Aziraphale said, as though that explained everything. (Meet Me On the Other Side)

[thanksjro]

Eugenesis Part Three, Scene Three: The Eighties Weren’t All That Great, Actually

Nightbeat, Sunstreaker, Hoist and Grapple come out on the other side of the wormhole in 1984, on the Ark, just as according to plan. Nightbeat reminds everyone to not touch anything, lest they alter their present, only for that rule to be broken literally immediately.

Luckily, we seem to be working on Elegant Chaos time-travel rules, so things are working out okay.

But how do we know that? We haven’t been in the past for two minutes, surely the current state of the present is still up in the air.

Turns out Optimus never actually intended for any of the robots aboard the Ark to ever wake up or be found. He made sure that would happen by activating the Sidestep Drive- a molecule wiggler that renders the ship completely invisible.

So, Hoist just turned off the Sidestep Drive. He was always intended to, since Optimus had no intention of letting anyone out of the Ark crash alive.

That’s some dark shit, Optimus. I can’t believe this is the same guy who tells dad jokes and shoots hoops with the kids.

The gang splits up to look for clues, leaving Nightbeat all on his lonesome, as he reflects on when the Ark had gone missing. There’d been a lot of propaganda, some of it getting outright bizarre- think along the lines of cannibalism- but at the end of the day, all they’d known at the time was that Optimus Prime and a majority of the Autobot’s finest warriors just weren’t around anymore. He remembers how he’d not been picked for the fated mission, and retroactively feels incredibly grateful for it, despite having been incredibly disappointed at the time.

On a lower level of the ship, Grapple and Hoist are poking around looking for Optimus. Hoist wanders off to make sure his mind crystal didn’t get broken in the crash- Hoist was one of a group of Autobots who had their minds copied and placed onto the Ark in secret, just in case extra troops were needed after launch. It’s fine. Which is good, because it keeps the time-stream from getting too terribly convoluted.

Sunstreaker, on the other hand, is having a horrible time. He’s just found his own mangled body, his face having been more or less erased by an acid pellet that had been fired at him millions of years prior. Nightbeat apologizes, having not considered the fact that Sunstreaker had actually been on the Ark when he’d picked him for this mission. Yeah, that’s kind of a massive oversight, my guy. I can’t believe nobody said anything.

They find Optimus in the same room.

I guess it’s just physically impossible for anyone to write these two bastards without any Undertones™ bleeding into it at some point. “Journeys end in lovers meeting”, indeed.

Nightbeat, he’s a FUCKING SEMI-TRUCK.

While Nightbeat’s busy fat-shaming the robo-messiah, everyone else is busy trying to get him unstuck from Megatron. He makes the call to bring Optimus back online in the future, so he doesn’t have to see how thoroughly wrecked the Ark crew is.

The team carries Optimus back to the future, pall-bearer style. There’s a brief moment of panic when Grapple realizes that they haven’t found Optimus’ trailer, which is also a part of him and shares space in his mind? Weird to think that Optimus’ detachable butt shares his consciousness. Luckily, the reformatting hasn’t taken place yet, so his trailer doesn’t currently exist.

It’s not everyday you gotta kidnap your dead leader from the past to fight a bunch of tentacle monsters. I think I can forgive Nightbeat for being a little short here.

Meanwhile, Sixshot is watching the cleanup of his fellow Decepticons’ corpses via Laserbeak’s surveillance footage. It’s looking grim for the ‘Cons; at least sixty percent of their forces are now dead or imprisoned by the Quintessons. Soundwave’s definitely dead.

Still got my doubts about that, but will see if those doubts bear any fruit.

Sixshot sends everyone away, so he can focus on how scared shitless he is about what’s currently transpiring.

The birth and pregnancy theming is ratcheting up in this Part to an alarming degree. Roberts, you’re obsessed.

Sixshot recalls the last time the Quintessons had invaded, where all of his friends- very powerful, nigh-indestructible friends- had been reduced to crumpled cadavers. He himself had hidden under their bodies, shellshocked to the point of considering self-terminating to save himself from a similar fate. He’s still shaken by the experience, hiding two miles underground in a steel silo, with no intention of ever coming out. He can still hear their screams.

That’s some pretty severe PTSD, Sixshot. Maybe you should make an appointment with Rung to work through all that trauma.

Up on the Conquest, General Quantax orders for his troops to get ready to bring the heat to the Autobots.

Roberts is really over here using the nonsense time units from the comics. This was before they had the Wiki, so he probably had some unofficial guidebook, or his own notes, to work off of. Good on him; that’s dedication to the craft right there.

A breem isn’t even ten minutes. Nightbeat better hurry on home.

Speaking of home, Prowl’s running in the halls like a hooligan, getting everything set up for the impending attack.

This just in, local jackass would rather have all of his friends murdered than face any sort of criticism. More at 11.

Quark comes up to him and asks if they can walk together to the munitions room. Prowl says yes, except no, because he’s already where he needs to be. Prowl, I think he asked because he’s scared, so maybe do the guy a solid.

It seems even the OCs know that Prowl sucks.

You want to be a good leader, but don’t want to put forth any actual effort in making people want to follow you. Maybe you should get a WWOPD? bracelet.

Prowl closes the door on Quark. He goes over to the desk and takes a look at the message First Aid’s left him.

That’s right, I’d nearly forgotten that Rodimus was possessed by the robot devil. Prowl’s pretty irritated by the pronoun game, seeing as Rodimus banned the name ‘Unicron’ from the Autobase lexicon in fear of it rousing the embodiment of evil living inside the Matrix.

If the climax of this book is Rodimus Goddamn Prime giving birth to the Antichrist, I am going to lose my fucking mind.

First Aid goes on to state that they still can’t get Unicron out of the Matrix, so whoever gets it next is going to also be subjected to this unwanted demon pregnancy Roberts what the fuck with this parallel. I know that Unicron basically haunting the Matrix was established in the comics, but come on.

That message ends, and Prowl, like any sane person, thinks long and hard on whether he’s ready for that sort of responsibility. Bold of you to assume that the Matrix would even be interested in your slimy ass.

The next message brings more great news- First Aid informs him that Rodimus had a massive seizure, and more than half of his brain’s been effectively turned to mush. He’s calling for High Command to pull the plug, before they pour all of what’s left of their energon into someone with a eight-percent chance of survival.

You’re really doing this, aren’t you Roberts? You’re going to kill Rodimus Prime. Astounding.

Chromedome calls. The Quintessons are on their way. Lots of them.

[giantchasm]

HEATHERS

Send me a fandom and I’ll tell you… 

Character I first fell in love with: Veronica… Veronica… VERONICCCCAAAA. How could it not be her? She’s the very first character you meet, and she’s charming, cute, and funny right off the bat. A very good girl! She’s so brave and fucking blue.Character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Jackass Dinglenuts. Juggalo Draincleaner. Jurassic Disestablishmentarianism. Jimbles Dontronbo. Justifiable Divorce. At first I like. Was legitimately forcing myself to not let myself like his character? But you know what fuck that noise. I’m allowed to like a character who’s a piece of shit as long as I admit he’s a piece of shit!Character everyone loves but I don’t: I know I just said I “never expected to love him as much as I do” but JD again. People love him for all the wrong reasons. People romanticize his toxic as hell actions and his abusive relationship because “Uuuu Christian Slater hot” and “Aaaaa I Am Damaged is so sad!”. He’s. He’s supposed to be the exact DEFINITION of like. The highschool antichrist. Guys. Guys. We’re not supposed to like him. He’s a creep and a sleazeball. We’re not supposed to like the nasty, sick, vengeful, and cruel man he became. We’re supposed to feel bad he became that way, but we are NOT supposed to like the person he is.Character I love but everyone else hates: Heather Duke. Dammit guys. She’s just a teenager. People give her so much shit for what went down with Heather McNamara. But first things first: Shine A Light Reprise was not actually her singing ya dumbshits. It was Heather hallucinating! It’s! A! Metaphor! And yeah Duke is a JACKASS but everyone in Heathers is. I see so many people saying she should have died but what the hell you guys. A HUGE point in Heathers is “HEY HIGH SCHOOLERS SUCK AND PEOPLE ARE CRUEL BUT THEY DONT DESERVE TO DIE YOU TWATS”Plus like let’s pretend for ONE (1) minute she DID know McNamara was gonna attempt, and even that she DID sing Shine A Light Reprise legitimately. Abhorable! Disgusting! Morally repulsive! But… Nearly getting one person to kill themselves, while absolutely messed up, is still not as bad as actually killing three people and framing it as a suicide. Then emotionally abusing your girlfriend and trying to bomb the school. Yet ya’ll still kiss up to JD’s overzealous, oversized, emo ass. Stfu for like ten seconds and realize how hypocritical you’re being you sexist weirdos.  🐸☕️Character I used to love but don’t any longer: Jokes on you I love them all.Character I would kiss: Veronica. I guess. Lil smooch on the cheek! I’d also gladly kiss McNamara’s hand if she’d let me. Cutie…Character I want to slap: Jason Dean. PEOPLE DIE WHEN THEY ARE KILLED ASSHOLE. Also the Jocks. Drink your respecting women juice before I fucking castrate you.A pairing I love: McNamawyer,,, Good. I also have a real soft spot rarepair for Chandlmara… Idk man. You never see Chandler being MEAN to Mac. That’s. That’s enough to give me the indication she cared. Because that bitch is mean to EVERYONE. Give… Give me McNamara losing her shit over Chandler’s death and breaking down and sobbing (And then fucking a ghost? Let her fuck a ghost)A pairing I hate: Romanticized or “pure” JDronica. Guys. Guys. When it’s “pure” it’s not JDronica anymore. It’s erasing the entire dynamic of them and their character and their toxic-ass relationship. That’s not Veronica and JD. That’s Veronica and JD’s identical twin who has a goddamn soul. Like JDronica both as a ship and as an aspect of the plot are so interesting BECAUSE it’s so messed up. They see each other in such different ways. Veronica wants someone to protect her. And the part of her that sees an inherent good in everyone wants to naively “save” the bad boy. Meanwhile JD… Unpopular opinion here: But he didn’t really love Veronica for Veronica. He loved her because she loved him. Nothing more. Nothing less. He’s never been LOVED before. It spirals into an obsession and it’s not healthy. That, combined with how unstable he is makes the whole thing super dangerous. It ends up with JD dead and Veronica traumatized. It ends with three murders, two suicide attempts, a faked suicide, and a terrorist threat.It’s. It’s not #Relationship Goals. If. If you wanna have sex with young Christian Slater, just ADMIT you wanna have sex with young Christian Slater. If you think Ryan’s voice sounds like honey, then just ADMIT his voice sounds like honey. If. If your own relationship reminds you of JDronica, then please, please reevaluate it. I’m legitimately begging you. JDronica as a ship and part of the story and part of their LIVES is so fascinating. But it needs to be done in a certain way.

[purple-possibilities]

Tagged by @bluefurcape

rules: answer the questions and tag nine people you want to know better.

relationship status: single and semi-consciously sabotaging any efforts otherwise

lipstick or chapstick?: my lips are always chapped even though I am constantly applying chapstick. I have chapstick everywhere. I apply chapstick before my lipstick (although tbh I use lipstain more. Does that count?)

last song i listened to: “Not No More” by Cocaine 80s (off of Ghost Lady not The Pursuit EP, and to the uninitiated, the versions are totally different)

last movie i watched: John Wick, with my bro, who has given me the “YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED JOHN WICK YET?!” speech every time I mentioned that I still haven’t seen that movie.

top 3 shows: rn, or of all time? Because rn I’m watching Agents of Shield, Vikings, and Designated Survivor (although I’m so behind on episodes that it’s a joke to say I’m watching tv at all) but of all time I’d say True Blood, Mad Men, and those shitty History Channel documentaries on the antichrist/bible secrets or whatever. They’re hilarious. I will rewatch those episodes; they’re just so dumb it’s amazing.

Top 3 characters: rn, (because of the all Naruto diet I’ve been on) I’ll say Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Gai. Of all time? Godric (True Blood), Joan (Mad Men), and Lagertha (Vikings)

top 3 ships: ooouuu this is hard because I multiship, buuut I have to stick with my baby, MadaKaka. And then (in terms of what I’ve been reading lately) KakaSaku (although I’m getting a little bored of the repetition, I need some good AUs where their age dif/student-teacher relationship isn’t the main thing being talked about all the time. Throw me some age-swap, gender swap, or same-age AUs and I’ll love you, but I’ve prob read them all lol). Finally, to go outside of Naruto because I’m too obsessed, let’s go with Tomione, with a Time-Travel AU, because I have too much of a thing for time travel. If I had to choose a super power, that would be the one for me lol!) I do like OC fics tho, it’s interesting to see what sort of characters people create and wonder why they made that person a certain way.

I tag: @cassandrasdreamworld, @letliv3, @padlocked-quintus and @kunoichi-ume (if you’ve already did this sorry I didn’t notice/remember. I’ve been seeing this all over the place lately and I can’t remember who’s done it or not)