#i am pleased with the results of my hee hoos

[blacksunradiance]

Nurarihyon no Mago Sennen Makyō Character CD Series # 4: <Special Drama>  Welcome Baby! (おいてやす☆ベイベー! Oiteyasu☆beibee!)

Summary: In-between breaking seals, Hagoromo-Gitsune finds herself bored, but perhaps Kyokotsu has found a solution...

Translation was a commission done by @kairosity!

Translation below.

Special Drama: Welcome, baby!

Kyokotsu: Excuse me, Onee-sama. Hagoromo Gitsune: (yawns) Ah… Kyokotsu? Kyokotsu: Onee-sama. You were resting in bed? Hagoromo Gitsune: I was merely nodding off with nothing at all to do. I do find it fun to undo the seals one by one, but… How bored I am. Kyokotsu: Then I bear good tidings! Hagoromo Gitsune: What is it? Kyokotsu: The other Kyoto Youkai commanders and I all gathered some things that we thought you might like! Please, use these to stave off your boredom! Hagoromo Gitsune: Oh? For me? How considerate of all of you. Kyokotsu: (giggles) Hagoromo Gitsune: Go ahead and tell me what they are. Kyokotsu: Yes! First is this – recommended by Kidoumaru! Eyebrow trimming scissors! Hagoromo Gitsune: What? Kyokotsu: Well, according to what Kidoumaru wrote in his recommendation, “Outstanding scissors used to trim one’s eyebrows. After I switched to these, I was able to make mine as delicately curved as I liked. I also use them to keep my moustache neat and tidy.” …Is what he said. Hagoromo Gitsune: That man… I did think his eyebrows were quite unique, but to think that they take so much time and care to maintain. Kyokotsu: What do you think, Onee-sama? How about using these scissors to while away your boredom? Hagoromo Gitsune: Kyokotsu. Do you think I should adjust my eyebrows? Kyokotsu: Eh! Hagoromo Gitsune: Do you think there is a need to lay scissors to these eyebrows – these black as dark crescents like the moon? Kyokotsu: Not at all! You’re beautiful just the way you are, Onee-sama! Hagoromo Gitsune: Wouldn’t you say? Then you understand what I am saying in that case, yes? Kyokotsu: Ah, uh, yes! Then…! Onto the next item – recommended by Ibaraki Douji, the “Denden Taiko!” (TN: A type of Japanese drum.) Hagoromo Gitsune: Hm…to think he likes the taiko that much. Kyokotsu: According to what he wrote in his recommendation, “My taiko is one whose sound resonates deep in your chest. Both your hands and your ears will enjoy it. Like killing two birds with one stone, you damn insects.” …Is what he said. How about this, Onee-sama? Hagoromo Gitsune: How dull. Next. Kyokotsu: Ah, yes!! This is from Shokera! It’s a compact mirror that comes with a bromide! In his recommendation letter, he says, “This is a compact mirror that I never go without, day or night. It is a first-class item with, of course, a beautiful sheen devoid of any flaw. I have specially included a bromide of myself with it – ” Hagoromo Gitsune: Putting on airs like an idol? Next. Kyokotsu: Recommended by Hakuzouzu!  A collection of one hundred haiku – Hagoromo Gitsune: Next. Kyokotsu: Minagoroshi Jizou’s stomach wrap! Hagoromo Gitsune: Enough. Kyokotsu: Onee-sama… Hagoromo Gitsune: Sigh. When I look at all of this, it’s nothing but junk. Kyokotsu: My apologies… Hagoromo Gitsune: Hm? What did you prepare, then, Kyokotsu? Kyokotsu: Uh, well… Hagoromo Gitsune: I may as well ask, seeing how we’re already here. Kyokotsu: Uh…I…prepared this. Hagoromo Gitsune: What’s this? A book? “You Will Probably, Definitely Feel At Ease With This: On Your First Birth”? Kyokotsu: It seems to be a book on childbirth. I hope it can help you while away some time. Hagoromo Gitsune: Oh…? (rapidly flips through the pages) Were there any pages that you found particularly interesting, Kyokotsu? Kyokotsu: Yes! There was a part on how you’re supposed to count your breaths when giving birth! By going “hee…hee…hoo!” Hagoromo Gitsune: Hee…hee…hoo? What does that even mean? Kyokotsu: It seems like people in these modern times say that when they count out loud during childbirth. Hagoromo Gitsune: How strange. Hee…hee…hoo, you say? I feel like “hey…hey…ho” works better for such counting, but… Hee…hee…hoo, indeed. (popping sound) Hagoromo Gitsune: Hm? What was that sound just now? Kyokotsu: I feel like it came from your bed. Hagoromo Gitsune: Really? I wonder if I left something in it… (rustling noises) Hm? What’s this? Kyokotsu: Onee-sama… Is that an egg? Hagoromo Gitsune: It would appear so. It’s still warm. Why is something like this in my bed? Perhaps…! Kyokotsu: What’s wrong? Hagoromo Gitsune: Perhaps…I laid it? Kyokotsu: Ehhh!! Hagoromo Gitsune: Maybe I did so earlier due to having recited that counting procedure, unconsciously… Kyokotsu: Unconsciously!? Hagoromo Gitsune: Indeed. I can’t think of any other explanation. The knowledge of modern man is truly to be feared… Kyokotsu: No way! This will confound so many of our arrangements! What will you do about Nijo Castle and everything else!? Hagoromo Gitsune: Be that as it may, what else can be done now that this egg has been laid? Kyokotsu: I guess so… Congratulations, Onee-sama! What we Kyoto Youkai have long hoped for has now come true! Hagoromo Gitsune: Yes. Think of it as an honor. Though having said that, I must keep this egg warm so that I may hold the resulting child in my arms. Kyokotsu: That is true… Then, Onee-sama, use this! Hagoromo Gitsune: What is this? Kyokotsu: The stomach wrap recommended by Minagoroshi Jizou! He said that using it would even cure any lower back pain, guaranteed! Hagoromo Gitsune: Oh…? To think that it would be of use here. How does this work? Try putting it on me. (rustling noises) Hagoromo Gitsune: Well? How do I look? Kyokotsu: Perfect! That horizontal strip of white wrapping on top of your black school uniform looks so beautiful! Hagoromo Gitsune: Of course. There is nothing that doesn’t look good on me. Then I’ll put the egg within the wrapping like so… There. Now I’ll keep it warm and wait for its birth. Kyokotsu: I do look forward to when it will hatch! Ah, I know! Onee-sama, what about prenatal education? Hagoromo Gitsune: What is that? Kyokotsu: There’s something on it in that book. You do things for your unborn child like talk to it, play music for it, and the like! Hagoromo Gitsune: Oh? Talking, at that… Ah, then Hakuzouzu’s… Kyokotsu: Yes! Let’s read to it his haikus! And I’m sure it will be happy if we play Ibaraki Douji’s Denden Taiko for it, too! Hagoromo Gitsune: What a nice idea. Then, do hurry and start reading those haikus? Kyokotsu: Okay! (starts beating the taiko) Beauty, ah beauty, Hagoromo Gitsune-sama. Tonight as well, one verse, forbidden. Hagoromo Gitsune: Mm.  It’s mysterious that when one pairs a poem lacking any flavor with a sound that is just as lacking, one ends up with something that does taste of something. Kyokotsu: There’s nothing to worry about, then, no matter when the child decides to come out of that egg! (cracking sound) Hagoromo Gitsune: Oh, my! There’s a crack in the shell! Kyokotsu: I’m sure the Denden Taiko urged it on! Hagoromo Gitsune: Indeed. And it may be fond of Hakuzouzu’s haiku! …That in itself makes me have cause for concern, but…no matter. If the egg will hatch sooner, then… Oh, my dear child, I have been waiting for you for so long – (popping sound) Kyokotsu: Ahhhh! The egg hatched!!! Hagoromo Gitsune: My!! …Hm? Kyokotsu: It’s…a… Hagoromo Gitsune: Why…did a snake emerge from my egg!? My child is...a snake!? Why!?!? Kyokotsu: Wah! That is a good question… Ahh! Maybe this is… Hagoromo Gitsune: Why are you looking under the bed, Kyokotsu? Kyokotsu: So it was your doing! Get out from under there! Hagoromo Gitsune: Whose? Kyokotsu: I was thinking how I hadn’t seen you for a bit…and this is where you were? (slithering sound) Hagoromo Gitsune: Hm? Why is your Dokurou coming out from under my bed? Kyokotsu: What? Try telling me that again. Hagoromo Gitsune: My – you can understand what that snake is saying, Kyokotsu? Kyokotsu: Yes. We’ve been together for many years. (slithering sound) Huh? Oh… Uh huh. I see. Eh! No way! Hagoromo Gitsune: What? What did that snake say? Kyokotsu: Uh…well… I’m sorry, Onee-sama! Hagoromo Gitsune: What is it all of a sudden? Kyokotsu: Everything is this snake’s fault, it seems. Hagoromo Gitsune: What do you mean? Kyokotsu: Yes, well, actually… When you were doing the counting technique earlier, this snake began going into labor, so to say, and just so happened to burrow into your bed and lay her egg then. Hagoromo Gitsune: …What. Kyokotsu: She tried to tell me as soon as possible, but she was fatigued from having laid the egg, causing her to fall off the bed and lose consciousness… Hagoromo Gitsune: Then…this is what happened? That egg…is your snake’s? Kyokotsu: …Yes… Hagoromo Gitsune: Then…that means it isn’t my child? Kyokotsu: Yes… Hagoromo Gitsune: Well, I never… What a farce this has all been… Kyokotsu: My deepest apologies! Hagoromo Gitsune: I was overjoyed to be able to hold this child in my own arms, and yet…! How empty I feel right now! Kyokotsu: I am so very sorry! I didn’t think something like this would happen! Hagoromo Gitsune: Kyokotsu… What will you do, now that I have become so excited over nothing? Kyokotsu: Well… If I may be so bold as to suggest something, how about burrowing back under the sheets out of boredom? Hagoromo Gitsune: Are you telling me to go be bored!? Kyokotsu: Ahhhh! Please forgive me! Hagoromo Gitsune: Sigh… Even an illusion will do if you could but show me one… …Hm? Why not? Kyokotsu. Take responsibility. Kyokotsu: Eh? Responsibility? Hagoromo Gitsune: For that which your snake has committed… I’ll have you make up for it with your own body. Kyokotsu: Wh…what!?!?

Hagoromo Gitsune: (hums happily) Kyokotsu: Uhm…Onee-sama? Hagoromo Gitsune: How many times must I say it, my daughter? You should be calling me “Okaa-sama”! Correct? Kyokotsu: Eh!? Ah, uh… Okaa-sama. Hagoromo Gitsune: What is it, dear? Kyokotsu: Is this really enough? Hagoromo Gitsune: By that you mean…? Kyokotsu: How we’re pretending to be mother and daughter, Onee-sa- ah, Okaa-san… Hagoromo Gitsune: Do you dislike it? Kyokotsu: No, that’s absolutely not it at all! It makes me happy, actually! …But, well, is this enough to take responsibility for what happened earlier? Hagoromo Gitsune: Yes. Sometimes acting as a mother with a daughter is perfect for staving off boredom. (sound of a comb being brushed through hair) Kyokotsu: …Oh. But…if I had to say it, I feel like this is more like a reward for me than anything else… Hagoromo Gitsune: There. It’s finished, my dear. I tried plaiting it in this style. You may use that compact mirror to check your reflection. Kyokotsu: Ah, yes! Whoa, Shokera’s bromide…wait, not this! …Wow! You look completely different when your hairstyle changes! Hagoromo Gitsune: Do you like it? Kyokotsu: Yes! Thank you very much! Hagoromo Gitsune: (giggles) Then, why don’t we go out shopping just this once? Kyokotsu: Eh!? Hagoromo Gitsune: Mothers do enjoy walking with their daughters. Kyokotsu: Shopping with Okaa-sama…! Hagoromo Gitsune: Shall we go, dear? Kyokotsu: Yes, Onee-sama! Hagoromo Gitsune: …Onee-sama? Kyokotsu: (gasps) Okaa-sama! Hagoromo Gitsune: What would you like? Kyokotsu: A new string for my obi would be great! Hagoromo Gitsune: Then I shall find a good one for you. Kyokotsu: Yes, Onee-sama!

[brawltogethernow]

Neutral Element - Outside the Castle

Installment Masterlist

Characters: Rescue Party, Gil, Klaus, Lucrezia, Agatha; Relationships: Wulfenbachs, Agatha/Lars and Agatha/Gil; Length: 2k. Immediately after no bless obli cheese.

The Jägers are definitely going to go after Agatha, so Zag jumps them before they’ve even started conferring. Because he knows Jägers well from working with the ones crashing with the Empire, and once they decide to plot the turnover rate from plan to action is functionally nonexistent. He sneaks up where they’re listening in from a wagon roof like creepy gargoyles and leans over the silent trio. “You’re going to get her, yeah?” he says. “Take me with you.”

They exchange looks. “He iz hendy,” says Oggie.

“He iz Miz Agatha’s friend,” says Maxim.”

“Yah, you iz coming, keedo,” says Dimo.

“Ve couldn’t schtopp you enny vay, yah?” says Maxim, grin fierce.

“Come on den,” says Oggie cheerfully. “Toot-sveetie!”

“Nobbles and wobbly cheese, honestly,” Dimo mutters to himself for some reason.

 *

Circling the castle doesn’t tell them anything good. Zag scouts around and then shares the rundown of what people are saying, and what they aren’t, and how no news is bad news.

“And I’ve heard things around,” he adds, nodding up at the Keep of Storms. “About that place. Things I do not like.”

“Hyu mean like, in repports from somevere, mebbe?” says Ognian, trying for sly.

“Yes, alright, I get news from damn reports to my father,” says Zag. If they’re asking leading questions, they already know. They smirk at him sharply, but it seems approving. “That doesn’t matter right now. Right now we have to get her out of there. And that means we have to get in there.”

“Hm,” hums Dimo, looking through the arcs of lightning barring the way to the keep. “Hyu know, ven she was out-like, the other day, Miz Agatha met op with a pretty gorl — hoo, she looked like she could rilleh fight! — mit a verreh pretty little airship.”

“No, Hy dun tink dat vould be enny good,” says Oggie.

“Dot ting, hit looked pretty small, yah?” adds Maxim. “How many pipple you figure it fit?”

“Hy dunno, brodder,” adds Oggie, doing a show of looking Maxim up and down speculatively, “mebbe if ve start cotting bits off uf hyu —”

“Hoy dere!”

“She could get in, though,” Dimo reasons, demonstrating seasoned experience ignoring tomfoolery. “Hy think ve should be tellink her habout dis, before ve go in. Hyu know, in case she vants to help Miz Agatha, like.”

Zag stares up at the sky above the castle. “Hm. I think they would still notice a dirigible, even a small one. It’s dark out, and the lightning moat is going to kill visibility a bit, but this is a town square. It’s not that dark.”

“Iz not a dir-rigy-bill, zo much,” says Oggie.

“Hyu’s be growink op in de sky, yah?” says Maxim. “Mebbe hyu will like it.”

 *

“They have Agatha?!” says Gil, looking overwrought, and Zag thinks, Hmm, to himself, quietly. His friend should have options, is all. Lots of options. Lars is a real sweetheart, and the wild woman Agatha apparently found in the Wastelands does not look like a sweetheart, but she’s a spark, and Agatha is giong to need someone who can keep up with her….

Zag regards Agatha’s friend (hee) as she waves her hands and explains that her flying machine definitely would not get off the ground carrying five people and a lobster. “But I could make modifications,” she says, staring at it speculatively like she’s considering ripping it apart then and there. She was patting it earlier, so it’s kind of unsettlingly like watching someone turn that look on a baby. Sparks, amirite. Sparks in ~love~, possibly. Zag is assessing.

“See, the vertical blades spin to get it off the ground straight up, and then I basically drop it and then it stays airborne.”

“Iz dot…safe?” Oggie asks, goggling.

“So!” Zag cuts in before Gil can find some acceptable-to-her way to say, Well, no. “I’m glad you’re going to help us help Agatha! Apropos of nothing, how do they feel where you’re from about having three or more people in a relationship? Good? I’m asking for a friend.”

Gil drops the wrench she was gesturing with on her foot.

“You don’t have to answer!” Zag calls back to her when they finally take their leave. “Just think about it!”

 *

“Huh,” Gil says to Zoing after the odd party of Agatha’s friends starts  back the way they came, getting into some sort of scuffle that involves a lot of gentle elbow-checking, as she starts to prep her ship. “I didn’t think you got that hair color around here.” She looks at the Jägers. “Uh, in humans.”

 *

The way back is a trudge, but Dimo seems pleased with the results of their detour. “She iz definitely good beckup for Miz Agatha to keep hendy,” he says. “En mebbe also odder things.”

Oggie leans over into the green Jäger’s personal space. “Hyu tink she can help her vit dot vagon she kept svearing at de odder day?”

“Dot vos some spicy language, dot vas,” muses Maxim. “Vere hyu tink she learn dot?”

Dimo shoves at them both. “Hy am sayink —” He breaks off into a gusty sigh. “Zott, hyu are so dense.”

“Hy am not dense!” says Oggie, dramatically offended. “Hy am very schooled in matterz of luff! See? Hy even knew vat hyu vas tokking about. Hend you thot hyu vas beink schneaky. Heh.”

Dimo rolls his eyes. “Yez, yez, hyu heff shown me op. Woe, woe.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate the free entertainment,” says Zag (the Jägers shrug, sheepish at being caught at it), “but when did you three see that ship, anyway? She was explaining it to you like she’d never met you before.”

Dimo rubs the back of his neck. “Oh, hyu know.”

“Ve vas in de neighborhood,” says Maxim, eyes on the sky.

“Hy vas not op to ennything!” Oggie insists, distressed. “Honest!”

“…So you were following Agatha,” says Zag.

Maxim shifts, uncomfortable. “Vell…mebbe.”

Zag meditates on this, then reasons that the wild Jägers are pretty good guys and are also turning out to be surprisingly adorable about their real master. They were spying on Agatha on her dates. “Take me next time,” he settles on.

“Ey, vusn’t very interestink,” says Oggie, trace readings of shame gone. “Dey mostly tokked science schtuff.”

“Dot type, dey tink de interestink part iz de science schtuff.”

Everyone present groans.

 *

When the assembling rescue party gets back to the middle of Sturmhalten, again, they practically miss Lars. Also again, apparently.

“Been following you,” he says, breathing hard. “You keep moving around.”

Yeah, Zag can’t imagine an actor, capable point man or no, moving as quickly as three Jägermonsters and him, especially since he seems to have acquired a furry legwarmer, hooked into his leg for dear life. “You brought Krosp.”

Lars shrugs, a stage gesture. “He wanted to come!” Then he grimaces with his whole body when Krosp responds by flexing his claws. Also a stage gesture. Zag loves the Circus people, he honestly does. He thinks he could be at home in their “the world is a stage, so why not mug for the audience” mindset.

“So if you grabbed the Jägers because you knew they would come after Agatha,” says Lars, shaking out his cat-burdened leg (no joy) “— Uh, how did you know that?”

They’re Jägers, and she’s the Heterodyne. “They seemed to like her!” Zag says. He grins (leers, he leers) and nudges Lars with a playful elbow. “You like ‘er too, don’tcha?”

“I — !”

Tormenting Lars is a delight. Zag hasn’t known him very long, but he’s certain the guy isn’t normally this easy to fluster. Except about matters of life and death, which, whatever Agatha obviously privately thinks, is perfectly reasonable.

Krosp groans. (Krosp trying to make traditionally low human noises always sounds adorable, and this is no exception.) “I thought catching up with all of you might be better than being stuck with this genius, but I was wrong.”

Zag looks down at him. “…You’re gonna have to tell me what happened on your way here sometime, buddy.”

Lars and Krosp exchange a look of mutual, recent horror. Which is just the look of a half-decent story, so no regrets.

“Sewers,” Krosp whispers to himself quietly, his expression haunted.

 *

The Baron is framed by a brightly colored circus wagon, and it only makes him look more menacingly enormous. His swathe of silver hair is a chin-length version of Zag’s fluff without the two strands that frame his son’s face like thick ribbons. His gaze is riveted on Agatha and Zag, cutting out the rest of their crowd of allies. The Jägers finger their weapons; Lars looks like he’s on the edge of panic; Gil landed on the field nearby earlier but hasn’t approached. Krosp’s flicking tail detracts from the severity of his expression, and the Sturmhalten Sewermen look like they’re only still on the scene because bolting just then would make them the only moving things around, and if they were that dumb they wouldn’t have lived to be Sturmhalten Sewermen. To a one, they all stand around awkwardly. Gil hovers awkwardly to the side, and everyone else hovers awkwardly in the center. It’s not a brave day for rescue parties. The Baron’s speech to Agatha swallows up impetus for action.

“My son trusts you,” the Baron says meaningfully. His eyes cut back and forth between the swordsman and Agatha at this point, but Zag has always responded to Klaus’ allusions toward his romantic prospects by upping the ante and making the conversation as awkward and graphic as possible, so by this point Klaus is too subtly well-trained to ask about his motivations in running off with Lucrezia’s daughter. “If you both come back —”

Zag shakes out his shoulders, tense. “…You talk like it’s a given that I’m coming back with you, father.”

“Oh, no,” says Klaus. “The Lady Heterodyne, should she agree to talk terms, has her own responsibilities, but you will return. It’s time we had a long talk, young man.” The Baron looms forward, expression forbidding, and wraps his massive hand around Zag’s wrist.

And then chokes on something.

Agatha springs into action before anyone can blink. “Why are you all standing around?!” she shouts. “He’s choking! Let me through, I can help him!” The footsoldiers confer frantically and okay her, and she darts in.

“I’ll help, I’ve got medical experience!” says Gil, leaping forward.

“Oh, great!” chirps Agatha. Turning, she elbows Gil in the nose. “Oh, sorry! Here, I’ll just deal with it,” she says as the princess reels away, clutching her face.

She kneels to the ground, pressing a hand to Klaus’ chest.

“Stay back!” shouts Agatha. “He’s, uh, fructivorous!”

“Wot’s dot mean?” Oggie asks Gil, leaning over to consult her.

“Fzzrk,” says Gil, possibly trying to set her own nose. Her inarticulate response has a whistle in it.

Then the tide of the entire negotiation flips over in a breath, and everyone is moving.

 *

There’s a storm of motion. Lars and Agatha form its eye. The Jägers have leapt into the fight. The Sewermen  have vanished. Gil, her nose purpling, is bent over her ship ranting, and appears to be trying to refit it to use as an impromptu crowd disperser.

Klaus has given up on subtlety and negotiation, grabbing for his son. “You cannot stay with her!” he shouts at Zag, who grimaces and barely dodges. “You do not understand how dangerous — !”

“Hey!” says Gil, abandoning her ship and lunging forward with something she grabs from its backseat gripped in her right hand — it looks like a big fork with electricity dancing on the end — and one of her swords fisted in her left. “Get away from him!”

“Do NOT interrupt — !” starts the Baron, only half-turning from Zag. Gil darts into the space Zag has put between the two Wulfenbachs, fork thing aimed at the Baron’s torso, sword up to defend. Klaus raises his sword arm, his greatsword dripping crimson, then hesitates, eyes snagging on Gil’s snarling brass circlet, then darting to the bifurcated blade of her katar. His complexion turns from a red fury to an only arguably better putty color. “You — Djorok’ku Skifandias von?!”

Gil looks like she’s been smacked. “What — S’vek? Zur bakken Skiff?!”

“Kar!” The Baron presses a hand to his chest, greatsword mostly forgotten. “Mor bakken Skiff!”

“Morbukinskif vok!” says the blue coat by the Baron’s leg, which really puts a cap on Klaus’ day.

“What —” he says, and then is interrupted when the entire battlefield is overtaken by an upset like someone has picked it up and shaken it. The Baron and the Skifandrian dodge debris in opposite directions.

 *

The debacle with the chicken house and assorted other circus wagons ends with the Baron’s son, the Heterodyne Girl, and the mysterious foreign spark all unaccounted for.

Gil: What — What? You speak Skiff?! Klaus: Yes, I speak Skiff! Zoing: I speak Skiff too! Klaus: Augh what the shit

I do not feel bad about adding more pointless doubling back to the Rescue AT ALL, because the Rescue Party mostly runs in ineffective circles and facilitates a lot of really great comedy.

Lars’ arc is not significantly impacted by this AU. Unfortunately? I tried to scootch events surrounding “Showtime!” around to save him, but it didn’t work out.

Why did I structure this so I have to make up Skiff and then render it in Zoingspeak. @ me: What is this. Oh, right, Zoing is present and color-inverted, I’ll get into it later/earlier. Learlier.

When asked in an AMA whether all Skifandrians had green hair, both Foglios answered differently. For the purposes of this AU, the answer pretty much has to be no.

[ourreferences02]

16 Days of Mafia - Day Four

16 Days of Mafia - Day Four - February 7th, 2017

Less formal than normal writing, but more formal than the typical emoting.

Set back when Richard was eight.

All of the neighborhood kids were sat on the sidewalk, playing with jump ropes, chalk, or whatever they could get their hands on.

Marissa left her house with a big bowl of watermelon. “Who wants some?”

Wednesday grabbed a piece and plopped it in her mouth.

“Good, right?” Marissa ate another piece herself.

Tyrone was clearly eyeing the watermelon but made no move to get himself some. Tanisha grabbed one and looked over at Tyrone, who LOVES watermelon.

“What’s wrong, Tyrone?”

“I don’t want people to think I like watermelon just because I’m black.”

Richard got Tyrone a bowl and handed it to him. “No one’s gonna think that.” He said with a smile.

Down the sidewalk came Tiffany, in her red mini skirt and tank top.

“Hi, Richie!”

“Hi, Tiffany.”

Wednesday frowned. Who the fuck would like this girl. Marissa, however, didn’t mind Tiffany being around and offered her a bowl of watermelon, and then left.

“Can someone hold the jump rope for me?” Tanisha asked, looking specifically at Tyrone.

“Sure. Richard, help me please?”

The two boys got up and each grabbed an end of the long jump rope.

“3..2..1″

They started spinning it and Tanisha jumped in the correct rhythm.

Meanwhile, Wednesday drew little figures and swirls on the sidewalk, bored. She watched as Tiffany jumped in too, and the two girls laughed while the boys sped up the pace. Then, a kid one year older than them with a mop full of hair and some muddy khakis sat down next to Wednesday.

“Yo bb mama I’m JJ.” He put out his hand for her to shake it.

Wednesday took one look at his hand and was immediately disgusted. His hand was covered in mud, beetle juices, and other foreign liquids.

“I’m Wednesday..” She said, pushing his arm away.

“Fine, be lik dat. Oogly.” He sat up, and his buttcrack was clearly visible.

Richard saw the opportunity to stop helping with the jump rope and handed it to JJ.

“Here you go, JJ”

“Tanks.”

Richard walked over to Wednesday and sat down next to her, grabbing a large purple piece of chalk.

“JJ called me ugly,” Wednesday stated.

“He calls everyone ugly.”

Just then, JJ decided Tiffany was not ugly.

“MM look at dat fine hunny Tibbany lemme getcho numba,” JJ said, looking at Tiffany up and down to see literally nothing special.

Wednesday gave Richard a look.

“Well, maybe he has bad tastes.”

“Or maybe I’m just ugly.”

“You’re not ugly.”

“Yes, I am.”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“So you mean it?”

“I did say it, didn’t I?”

Running down the street came two boys, one with brown hair and one with a sandy blond head of hair. Trailing behind them was another girl.

The one with brown hair walked up to Richard and bowed. “Sir, it is I, Prince Benny, and this,” He said, motioning to the blonde boy. “Is my servant, Little Timmy.”

This resulted in the two boys tackling each other.

“I’m not your servant, and I’m not little!”

“Yes, you are!”

“Am not!”

The two boys were play fighting, so Richard brushed them off. The girl behind them, Chloe, sat down next to Richard and Wednesday with a frown.

“My mom said I have to get glasses soon.” She whined, wiping some drool off her chin.

“Glasses aren’t bad,” Richard assured.

Wednesday continued to use the chalk while everyone else calmed down and sat down.

Tiffany pulled her tank top up and grinned. “I’m growing boobs!”

It was clear to see she was, but all she had were little nipple buds. Once again, Wednesday frowned. Whether she was jealous or not, who knows.

“Wow, Tiffany! You’re hitting puberty early!” Chloe, exclaimed, trying to take a closer look at Tiffany’s chest, along with JJ and Tyrone.

Tanisha sighed. “Mine are going to start growing soon, and they’ll be really big like everyone else’s in my family.”

“Aren’t all black ladies curvy?” Benny inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Tyrone groaned. “See this is what I mean, all you white people are so racist.

“it’s not racist, it’s stereotypical,” Wednesday mumbled, dusting chalk off her fingers.

Timmy continued looking at Tiffany’s nipple buds but found no interest in them.

“Anyway, my uncle said they’re going to be well-developed and a prize for any man,” Tiffany stated, pulling her tank top back down.

Benny coughed. “Creep.” He coughed again.

“Why don’t we play a game?” Timmy suggested.

Richard shrugged. “Okay, what game.”

“Hid and sake.”

The kids all split up and decided JJ would be the seeker since he was the most scary-looking.

“Can you hide with me, Richard?” Wednesday asked, looking up at him.

Richard nodded.��“We need to find a good spot then.”

The two kids hid behind a stone wall in the woods, under a great oak tree. Wednesday was tracing her finger through the dirt and snapping twigs.

“Are you annoyed by Tiffany as much as I am?” Richard asked her, turning his head.

She looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you kidding? I hate her.”

Richard flinched. “That’s a strong word.”

They sat in silence for a few moments.

“I’m scared, Wed, ”Richard said, looking up at the sky through the trees.

“Of JJ? He’s pretty weak.”

“No.”

“Of the woods?”

“No, I... I learned a new word today.”

Wednesday cocked her head. “Well, what is it?”

“Incest.”

“That means...?”

“It means that I can’t li-”

“YODEL-EY-HEE-HOO!” JJ shouted, jumping through the underbrush and painting mud on his upper cheeks. He pounded his chest like a gorilla and pointed at the two.

“I FOUND YOU!!”

Blah, blah, blah.

Laziness.

Forever and always.

[gardenglowswithdesign]

It’s time for the next game-plan here on our little slice of heaven – food season!

The grandson started school this week. Therefore I now have more time to spend on/in the gardens (can you hear me jumping for joy?!).

First thing I am working on is revamping the greenhouse.  It’s been going well for the last five years, but it’s time for some improvements, at least I hope they will be in the long run.

Tomato Racks: We have tried a number of ways to work with our tomatoes to get the best results:

Wire tomato cages – not good in the greenhouse. The weather in there makes the cages fall apart after only a couple of years.

We took an idea from our local Corp. Hydroponic Tomato Plant. They “hang” their tomatoes on long lines.  Once I understood the necessity of trimming off lower branches and useless branches, hanging seemed like a great idea.  Nope, the ropes disintegrated, and wires cut the stalks.

Let them lay where they will. VERY WRONG IDEA!  Yes, we had tons of tomatoes, but we could not find most of them until too late.  Either they would rot or get stepped on.  Unless we could see them, we would lose them (and we lost too many for our liking!).

Now we think we have a solution – a wooden rack:

  So far, so good!  The only issue we have is that I thought of it too late.  The tomatoes in the background (pic on the left shows best – the walkway disappeared – hee hee), are how long and bushy we are already.

We had to go on one row/side of the plot and flip all the branches over to the other side.  Then we installed the rack.  Once in place, we very delicately found each vine and hung it on the rack.  There is a metal field fence (has 4”x4” squares to it) piece attached to the wooden rack for us to build the vines on.

They went into a bit of shock right after propping up; however, it has been about two weeks now, and they are starting to bounce back.  During the whole time, we had plenty of tomatoes.  We had enough that we can begin our barter time:

Eggs for tomatoes.

Squash for tomatoes

Fruit for tomatoes

Even got a new thermostat on the truck for a loaf of bread and a bunch of tomatoes (tiny eaters and large sandwich type).

We hope to have the three racks installed in that row by the end of the month (mid-September at the latest).  The front faces west which is our most intense heat.  This leaves the east side in full to partial shade by mid-afternoon.  Carrots, lettuce, spinach are going in there.  We are also building frames to go over the racks for extra cover on really cold nights.  One other year we had tomatoes through Christmas. Hope we can do that again this year.  Fresh tomatoes make such a great gift!

Happy gardening!!

(If you enjoyed this bit of humor, please feel free to visit my latest blog: Life Lessons Lived  to get more laughter in your life!)

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SEASON TWO – WOO HOO!! It’s time for the next game-plan here on our little slice of heaven – food season!