#i am simply passionate and autistic

[astralmarionette]

reading a fic and the premise is sooo good but the characterization does NOT fit MY autism characterizations + adding a bit more of real life aspects to the characters and I almost cried /srs i had to literally tell myself "you're okay. its okay. they're okay. the author probably wouldnt even care! (he would care alot which is WHy I'm so sad. BOTH OF THEM woULD ACTUALLY THATS wHAT MADE ME SOOOO SAD)

[goldiipond]

yes i do have anger issues but ray also has anger issues and hes cool as fuck. so its fine

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[damagedcoda6669]

okay so i am. so confused! are you a system/plural after all?

you made a post on your twitter about being the "original host" which is. a plural term of course but ALSO i'd like to say that the idea of there being an "original" is veeery misleading and not actually possible in DID/OSDD

the reason DID/OSDD exists at all is because a child's identity was unable to fully form in their developmental years, so the identity splits off and fractures into several parts necessary to keep the child safe. because of this, there can be no "original host" because there was never an identity formed that could be considered the "core," in a way, at all. it gives off the idea that there was one set identity that split off others later on in life, which isnt how DID/OSDD works in terms of alter formation

also, the disorder can only be developed in your early formative years, so its mostly unheard of for a system to go through life with a single part only to split off later on. your brain splits off alters in response to stressors or traumatic experiences, and so when the disorder is formed there would have to have been a fracture from the beginning where your identity wasnt able to come together to form a single one. multiple alters can be "original," in a sense, but there is not one sole original

i suppose that other alters could have simply been integrated and so they arent a part of your system anymore (leaving you as the "original host"), but thats probably not my place to explore and its all a bit too complicated for a tumblr ask

there are parts that have been around longer than all the other parts and there are parts that identify with/as the body or the head of the system, buuuut i just wanted to share that tidbit of information because misinformation can be very harmful when it comes to healthy plurality!!

in any case, dont let this cause you to spiral into more self-doubt because — surprise! DID/OSDD is supposed to be hard to understand or identify within yourself. its a trauma disorder formed to make you as functional as possible, so generally the disorder tries very hard to hide your other parts from you as to protect you from those traumas. being confused is a major part of plurality, and most long-term hosts do have the misconception of being "original" because there was no reason to think otherwise.

its also fully possible that you have been the host for the majority (or entirety) of your life, so dont get me wrong! im just trying to share that the idea of an "original" alter isnt possible.

regardless of whether or not you're plural, i wish you the best in exploring yourself and the way that your brain functions. you're doing great, truly!

and if i misinterpreted anything, im deeply sorry for that too. i'm just a stranger on the internet trying to provide input using the information i was given, and i genuinely dont mean any offense by this ask. DID/OSDD is also something i'm very interested in and passionate about as an autistic individual, so... im very sorry for the essay

THIS IS SO HELPFUL U HAVE NO IDEA. I KNOW NEXT 2 NOTHING ABT PLURALITY AND SYSTEMS. dont apologize 4 the rambling, its much appreciated!!! i get the same way abt bpd and autism so i get it!!! psychology and mental disorders r one of my special interests so im the same way!!! ^_^

i guess my post moreso came from the concern that i only have vry vry spotty, fuzzy, sometimes FAKE memories of my childhood, if any at all (id say i remember less than 1% of it, and most of what i "remember" is only becuz of photo evidence or testimony from other ppl) and my identity only rlly formed when i joined the internet at maybe 12 yrs old. so i sometimes have doubts that i formed when the body was born, but rather that i was created and that im a product of the internet inparticular, but that might also be a delusion??? its confusing, whenever i get ideas abt my identity they turn out 2 be fake sometimes. its hard 2 pinpoint what i am. so i was trying 2 say that i dont think ive been here since the birth of the body and that i spawned later on. idk if im explaining myself correctly, its hard 4 me 2 understand. but i appreciate u correcting me and explaining it 2 me in a way thats easy 4 me 2 digest!!! i dont want 2 spread misinfo evr.

i think im plural??? ive had liek 8 headmates (and a headspace at one point) that ive been able 2 identify, but nobodys rlly taken me srsly abt it until vry vry recently. ive always been told that im making it up 4 attention, or that im faking DID, and i was even told by a dumbass doctor that it was just my autism and that they were all imaginary. i nvr rlly claimed 2 be plural either, i always just got shot down whenevr i introduced the possibility of there being other sentient ppl in my brain. but i think that i am, probably. im not sticking 2 any labels atm becuz im confused and uneducated abt my headmates and im not diagnosed w anything, but i feel comfy with plural as a label becuz its a vague umbrella term. i nevr claimed 2 have DID becuz ive always known that my headmates cant front and take over my body (ive even asked one and she told me she couldnt LOL) ALTHOUGH. they MIGHT be able 2 front simultaneously as me, ive had edgy (whos currently dormant) finish art 4 me if i got tired, back in 2020 when he was still active. and i know alters fronting is a diagnostic requirement for DID (i think???) but i dunno. theres SOMETHING up w my brain.

i tried 2 post abt it on twitter actually, that i thought i was plural (a handful of ppl asked me so i wanted 2 confirm) but i deleted the post like an hour later becuz i wasnt getting any comments or likes and i was scared that i did something wrong and didnt know, or that im not actually plural and other plural ppl were mad at me 4 using their label. it made me so anxious >n<

i am such a yapper.. 4give me

[chronicbeans]

Human Illustrator Wally x Reader (part 5)

Circle time! Yippee!

TW: Mentions of Hallucinations

🐻 You can't help but grin as you watch Mr. Darling sitting with all of the children, talking about the most random of things. From bears to apples, the conversation flings itself from topic to topic. When Mr. Darling starts to take out random items he has brought for the children to play with, it almost feels like watching Mary Poppins. His little bag of items seems to fit an endless amount of luggage.

🐻 He looks around, being sure to make sure everyone understands what he says. He is careful to assure every child's needs are met. It might've taken a lot of planning to get him here, but it was all worth it. The kids are happy and feel cared for. You are happy to have finally found someone else with a passion for making every child feel appreciated. Mr. Darling seems happy to make others feel happy.

🐻You watch as he talks to Amelia, one of the numerous children circled around him, before he lets her touch his hair. You chuckle at her shocked reaction, hearing her say something along the lines of "It's like a shell!", with Mr. Darling saying "It's from the stuff I use to style it. I need my hair to look the absolute most!"

🐻 You turn your attention away for a moment, noticing that one of the kids is sitting alone at the table, simply watching the others. It's James, the kid that you were talking to Howdy about the other day. As in, the one who had the head injury. You sit next to him, smiling "Is there something you need?"

🐻 James looks up to you, before whispering "I... I want to talk to Wally... but I feel like he'll think I'm weird. Umm... I am also worried for him. The scary monster is behind him." You smile, nodding. "The scary monster won't hurt Mr. Darling. How about I go ask him if you can talk to him outside, in the play area? That way, he will be away from the scary monster, and you get to talk with him. I am sure he won't think of you as weird." "Only if you go with." "Alright. I'll go ask him now."

🐻 You stand up, grinning as you approach the group of children. "Mr. Darling? Can you come over here for a moment?" "Sure thing! Just a moment!" He picks up Amelia, who giggles and waves her arms, then stands up. The kids watch as he leaves, only for him to turn around and say "Oh! Just in case I take long, you can go through my bag. I didn't bring anything important. It's just stuff I brought for you all to play with. Be sure to share, though!" Needless to say, the kids swarmed to his bag like birds to breadcrumbs.

🐻 He turns back around, walking over to you as he asks "What is it? Do you need something?" You nod, bringing him over to James. "Yep! Mr. Darling, this is James. He wants to talk to you, but feels a bit anxious to do so. We both were wondering if it would be alright if the three of us went to the play area out back to talk privately." He grins, clasping his hands together as he says "Of course! That will be no problem at all! Just lead the way, (Y/N)!"

🐻 The three of you all walk to the play area in the backyard of the daycare, James looking behind you all from time to time. The play area is small, with a little playhouse, a sandbox, and a swing set connected to a slide. Once outside, Mr. Darling crouches down to his height, shaking his hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you, James! Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?" James nods.

🐻"Yeah... umm... I was wondering, do you umm... Are you like me? I mean... I am a bit nervous to ask." James looks down, fiddling with the hem of his sweater. Mr. Darling smiles, tilting his head. "It is alright. Take your time. How about this? I'll ask you some questions to ease you into your own! Did anything particular make you curious if I have anything in common with you?" James nods "Yeah. I saw how you and Aubrey related in being autistic. As well as how you and a few of the others talked about loving art."

🐻 James looks around, which Mr. Darling seems to notice. He begins to look around, too. He then smiles, as if catching on. "Okay, I'll ask another question, since you don't seem to be ready, yet. Do you like to draw?" James, once again, nods. This time, it is much more enthusiastic. He reaches into the pocket of his shorts, pulling out a tiny notepad. "Yeah! Let me show you some! It isn't anything close to what you can do, but I hope to get that good someday!" James shows the notepad to him, revealing drawings of cute bears, rainbow swirls, and dark monsters. Mr. Darling nods, staring at the images as he says "This is amazing work! Believe it or not, but when I was your age, I had this exact amount of skill. I believe you and I have more in common than you think."

🐻 James' eyes gleam, before he then looks down to his feet. "Hey, Wally...? Umm... do you see the odd things others don't? Or hear things others don't?"

🐻 You watch them both closely. Mr. Darling seems to think over his answer, before finally coming up with one. "Yes, I do. I mostly hear odd things, but I do see them, sometimes. Is that what you wanted to ask about?" James looks up to him, nodding. "Yeah... can I... can I ask some more?" "Of course. Anything you want." "Do you see the shadow man? The mean guy that says mean things? I believe he is quite mean. Have you met him?"

🐻 To your shock, Mr. Darling's smile falters for a brief second. It returns as soon as it left, however, before he hands James his notepad. "I don't see the shadow man very often. I do, however, have a pesky neighbor of my own. Do you want to know who it is?" James hesitates, before responding "Yeah. I feel like it might help you to talk about that mean neighbor."

🐻 Mr. Darling leans in, speaking very quietly to James. You still hear what he says, though, you are not sure if you were meant to. "The walls of my very own home say mean things to me, sometimes."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending my original fictional characters are my "friends" for the purpose of asking questions online?

Alright, so hear me out: I'm a writing hobbyist, I run a long-term D&D campaign, I like writing characters a lot and sometimes do it even outside of any stories, you could even say that it's my passion. Whenever I create a character that would have experience with something that I don't, I try to experience that thing myself, or if I can't, I ask others online about their experiences to make sure I can write my character accurately.

Here's the problem: back when I used to ask questions online from a writing/creative perspective, I felt like a lot of them concerning more controversial topics were getting dismissed and I got a lot of unsolicited writing advice unrelated to the original question. The most infuriating were always "You shouldn't write a character like that." or "You should change this integral part of the character to remove the issue that you're having."

Now, you can have whatever opinions you want about writing certain aspects of characters, but I would kindly ask you to shove them up your ass. I firmly believe that you can't judge a character accurately merely by their character traits written down in a vacuum, the execution is what really matters. One trait that could be seen as problematic when written badly can really enhance the character, story and it's themes if incorporated correctly. I'm not going to remove integral story-relevant characteristics of my OCs, and I sure as hell am not gonna delete them entirely just because an internet rando didn't believe that I could do them justice. Literally the entire reason why I'm asking these questions in the first place is because I'm trying to be as respectful/accurate to your culture/ethnicity/sexuality/gender/religion/disability/anything else. I GENUINELY want to learn and understand, so why don't you at least try to give me the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming it'll be done terribly?

Anyway, to give some examples of the questions that I've asked that were met with this kind of response:

"How would you write an autistic character who uses ASL but doesn't like to emote with their face?" (Was told to simply "make" the character like using their face even though it would go against how their other symptoms interact with each other, plus it would change how other characters view them and thus the story itself)

"What kind of slang would a black character raised in Brooklyn use?" (Was told to not write a black character using slang as a white person.)

"How would a Muslim character go about leaving their religion after losing their faith?" (Was told that the mere idea of an ex-muslim person was offensive)

I don't know if other writers also struggle with this, or if I'm just the unluckiest and always attract those kinds of people somehow, but after having to deal with it way too much I simply started lying and pretending that my characters are real so people would stop questioning my writing choices and just focus on answering my actual questions. For example, instead of the three questions above nowadays I would ask:

"Me and my Autistic friend are learning ASL together, but she doesn't like making expressions for sensory reasons. Is there anything else she can do?"

"What are some examples of actual slang used by black people in Brooklyn? My friend is from there but he likes to mess with me by coming up with fake words and pretending like they're slang, at this point idk what to believe."

"My friend lost their faith and is planning on leaving Islam. They don't have access to internet due to their parents so they wanted me to ask about what could be the possible consequences and how go about the process, or even where to start."

Also, obviously, I do way more research than just these questions, but I also really want to know the opinion of people in these communities about these topics and the discussion that develops from it. That's not something that simply reading a book or an article on a topic can give you and I believe that interacting with the community itself is an important part of properly portraying characters that belong to them as well. Still, a few of my friends told me that it's kinda shitty of me to lie in this way, especially when the end goal is to be respectful about certain traits yet me lying to these people is a sign of disrespect in their opinion. Personally I don't see it that way, I simply want people answering my questions to treat them seriously and if presenting them as real scenarios is what gets them to do it I feel like I have no choice, it has nothing to do with the respect I have for the communities in question.

Also, if this matters at all: 90% of my writing is entirely personal and will never be published in any way at all, the other 10% being the writing that I do for my D&D campaign which only my players get to witness.

So, with all of that out of the way, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[ominous-feychild]

✦ Writer Questionnaire 2 ✦

Thanks for the tag, @the-golden-comet! (And @the-letterbox-archives tagging me when I was almost done here, haha)

Heads-up! Long post!

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr? A fast and loose estimate is fine!

Two months ago to the date actually??? Or, at least, that's when I first uploaded a story here. My first actual Writeblr post was me hopping in on an open tag on the 6th of June, haha. I thought it was just a month, but looks like the summer's gone by in a flash! 😭

What led you to create it?

So, I'm a writer on Tapas! I'd been attempting to social network on other social medias (twitter and bluesky) but wasn't getting anywhere, didn't like the general formats, and uh... I'm sure I don't have to explain why I don't want to touch Twitter with a 10-foot-pole anymore. Let's just say, if you haven't seen, it's just as bad as (if not worse than) everyone says. Anyhow, I'd seen lots of Tumblr short stories on other platforms and started investigating what it's like here. Didn't know what "Writeblr" was or that it even existed, but eventually stumbled into the field after posting my short story. Thanks, @darkandstormydolls! ❤️

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

How supportive everyone is??? Like omg you guys are so sweet, idk how to take it. Also I love seeing how much passion everyone else has for their writing, haha.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

Uhhhh, I think I'm pretty open about the things I'd like people to know about me, haha. I never mean to offend, so if I accidentally say something wrong, please tell me! I'm autistic and very dumb.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I'm ngl I keep meaning to build out my followed tags for my fandoms, haha. The only fandoms I really see things for are TMAGP (10/10, TMA is my obsession. I am obsessed. It is one of my Special Interests and I love it with all my heart) and House of the Dragon??? Except I'm not even a fan of HotD??? So that's kinda annoying, haha. (Aka, my fandom stuff, but that's on me.)

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

Rising From the Ashes, tragically. (Because it's one of the LAST things I should be working on right now, haha.) Otherwise, I'm of course always obsessed with the Arcane Rifts. Then I force myself to be obsessed with Sun and Shadow, though it's slowly growing on me, haha.

How long have you been working on them?

Haha, so I've historically jumped around a lot in working on different things, so these are approximate guesstimations!

Rising From the Ashes has likely had 3 or 4 years put into it/the characters. If you include the Calamity Crew (which overlaps with it in the timeline and originally ended up merging with the cast of RFtA), I'd say definitely 4 years!

The Arcane Rifts has had 5 years put into it.

Sun and Shadow is very new; I'd say it probably only has about 4 months of work in it? It's part of why I'm less interested in it, haha. Less I've put into it and less I'm attached to.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

Oh... oh dear. How could you ask me this??? 😭😭😭

Rising From the Ashes has existed since, I think, 2016. It started (tragically) as an RP starter on Google+. I wish I was kidding.

To those unaware of how it worked in that space (and likely similar ones to this day), you'd post a starter and people would join in with their own characters. 99% of the time, they'd drop out before long. However, I'd work out details of the characters in the process and carry that info over into the worldbuilding. I eventually stopped RPing with the masses and settled down with a single "partner" who I'll call Kris.

She's the one who stole my docs.

The Arcane Rifts technically originated as another RP starter? It never got attention, though, and instead my ideas for it simply carried over into the worldbuilding in general.

One of the characters of the original starter was important in the worldbuilding. It was not a character you see in the early books of tAR, though, so don't bother trying to figure it out. But, since he was so important, his origins were also important.

The Arcane Rifts started in 2019, as I wanted to make a story building out said character's origins. It was originally going to be a duology, the first book being Gene's backstory and the second being how Gene and The Other Guy's lives intertwined. (No, they were not gay for each other! 😂) It's since changed a lot, and focuses basically exclusively on Gene, haha. The last book in the series will probably be focused on the other character, though!

Sun and Shadow started for a romance novel competition on Tapas which has since ended. I didn't get to finish it in time for a lot of reasons, but I primarily cite stress and exhaustion from working full time at a physically-intensive job. It grew shockingly quickly and I had some fans donate to me related to it, so I'm kinda forced to work on it, haha. Dw--I like it! It's just harder to work on for a number of reasons, haha.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Tragic, the questions you're asking me--

It depends, haha. I'm autistic and hyperfixate a lot. Also, for one, that's a suuuuuper vague question??? Like what do you mean "how much time"--how much time within the day? How often in general? Idk, man, haha.

I think about the Arcane Rifts a LOT!

I've put an incredible amount of time and effort into it, and I'm in love with 90% of the characters there. Even the background characters have had a lot of work put into them, getting relatively fleshed-out backstories to make their motives understandable (even if not agreeable!), and I love them all so much, haha.

Except Katerina. She's a bitch.

I also think about Rising From the Ashes a good amount, and it's invaded my brain again lately, haha.

I took a step away from RFtA and basically all of my other stories late 2021 when Kris (my ex-writing partner) and I had a falling out. It was incredibly difficult for me emotionally to look at anything I worked with her on, and obviously RFtA was a huge one (actually, tAR was the only thing of my early works she had nothing to do with). Since early this year, I've finally been able to work on it again and it's been incredibly fun removing her stuff, actually!

I think all that is a good part of why I keep randomly getting obsessed with it again, haha. It's like looking at old friends (the characters, not Kris) and being all "omg??? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER??? PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN UP TO!!!" except it's removing Kris's stuff, haha.

I think about Sun and Shadow a lot more than you might expect with how much I talk about not preferring it, haha. I love the characters! Crow and, actually, Valyarus especially. They're both super interesting characters, and I'll randomly find my brain working out scenes between characters interacting with them.

(The problem with SaS is that, as a book, it's incredibly different from my usual works. It's a small cast of Frey/Crow and technically Daleira, while most of my stories focus on larger casts. It makes for a VERY different experience, and so it's a lot harder to work on)

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

Actually, I've got a ready answer for this one! Until SaS, I was dedicating my time to the Arcane Rifts and had prepared the answer:

Percy Jackson meets Lord of the Rings in a steampunk fantasy world full of ✨mysteries waiting to be uncovered✨

(I'd say the "mysteries waiting to be uncovered" part ironically/accidentally mockingly most of the time, whoops, haha. I always feel awkward advertising my works.)

It was awkward when people would get actually interested in it from there and ask more questions, haha.

To clarify: that's my tagline for the Arcane Rifts! The story has gods and demigods messing with mortals, using them as their playthings and being REALLY immature babies because they don't really face consequences for their actions like PJ. Then, it's a lot more "grounded yet fantastical" like LotR, where magic is kinda infused with reality and yet you still have issues like starving to death and whatnot.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.  Side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

UHHHH THERE'S A LOT TO LIST???

Try this for a taste! These are just the guys I've gotten colors for!

Freya, Crow, Daleira, Valyarus, Grimnir, Soren, Gene, Tazin, Mislav, Adilzhan, Ludmila, Rada, Caspar, Nikolai, Gennadi, Oska, Rieka, Liesel, Carmin, Nora, Sammy, Kieva, Caron, Varik, Elazi, Riaan, Roman, and Tiberius! (Though Tib is getting a name change sooner or later)

Who’s the most unhinged?

Unhinged in which way? There's a lot of options there, haha.

I'm going to give honorary mentions to Valyarus, Gene in the later books, Tazin, Rieka, Gennadi, and Tiberius ! (Why does it not surprise me that most unhinged characters are from tAR? 🤣 Also I swear it's a coincidence most of the unhinged characters are red.)

(... Probably.)

In general, I'd say that, incredibly ironically, the Existence of Order is the most unhinged of all my characters. She's just incredible at hiding it.

(Tbf half of the Existentials probably belong on the "unhinged" list anyway but eh. They still don't compare to Order!)

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

I'm going to give this as a tie between Gene and Sammy!

Gene has my 'tisms and just about all of my trauma, so we have a lot in common, whoops, haha. Also there's a... very specific detail about his character that makes him easier to write in general. It's just a major spoiler. 👀

Similarly and actually identically to Gene in some ways, while Sammy has a lot in common with me, he's also incredibly perceptive! (Although we don't share that fact.)

Due to the way I write, their analytical natures allow for them to spit straight facts about the worldbuilding and the people around them rather than beating around the bush, haha. Both are highly investigative, try to learn and understand everything around them, and notice small details other characters wouldn't! It makes it much easier for me to write, because uh... well here's an example of what my outlines look like.

Long story short: I include a lot of detail which I then transfer into the POV's character narration, cutting out details which they wouldn't notice or think about, haha. In Sammy's case (which that scene has Sammy as the narrator/POV character), very little information gets cut out because he's so perceptive!

(Here, as a treat--have another example!)

(In this scene, Nikolai is the narrator. Even the outline gets "filtered" to mirror the characters' way of thinking--like it's Nikolai himself seeing Caspar as "doll-like". The crossed-out stuff is details I most likely won't mention, but noted for myself, haha. I do the same thing if/when including details about the motives and thoughts of non-narrator characters.)

Do you ever cringe at them?

Gene and Sammy?

A B S O L U T E L Y .

Gene is a wreck in basically every way and desperately needs help (that he won't get until he meets Dimitry). As much as I love him, there's a lot of moments where you just can't help but wince and be all "shit, did you REALLY have to do/say that?"

Sammy on the other hand? He's a terrified, control freak manipulator who panics the moment he feels like he's losing control of a situation. It can be painful to watch, even if simultaneously fascinating.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?  AKA, do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? To what degree? Are some less cooperative than others?

I explicitly go out of my way to add backstory to and develop each and every one of my characters until they "write themselves", haha.

I want my characters to feel like real people, so I do my absolute best to make them as real as possible. (That's part of why tAR is so massive...)

Special shoutout to Dimitry here, btw. Dude COMPLETELY screwed over the planned and intended from the earliest days path of the Arcane Rifts. I've mentioned before that Gene is villain-coded, yeah? Want to know why?

Because he was MEANT to be one! Then Dimitry had to come along, be the sweetest, nicest fucking person around to Gene while he was going through the worst part of his life, and keep Gene from slipping off the deep end!

MITRY, YOU PIECE OF--

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? And do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? For example, as Asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on AO3, etc.

I absolutely love, love, love!!! people asking questions about my characters!!! 🥰

I would absolutely prefer them as Asks sent to me, and especially would prefer if separate subjects/questions were sent in separate Asks! Like, say you were going to ask me about Gene and Dimitry. I'd rather two separate Asks, one asking for whatever you wanted to know about Gene and another for whatever you wanted to know about Dimitry, haha. However, if you wanted to ask a single question about both, that obviously is fine as a single Ask!

On writeblr engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account? Do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? Do you follow based on WIPs, or vibes?

I definitely scope out before I follow, yes.

I choose based primarily on the personality of the person behind the blog, but the WIPs/vibes can also have an influence on my decision, haha. I'd rather follow people with kind/supportive personalities, and I'll eventually start liking their stories even if they're not initially my thing!

What makes you decide against following?

Bigotry. Moment I see it, I'm on the lookout for even the slightest hint of more and, if I see it, I'm OUT!

(That includes things like: homophobia, transphobia, TERFs, ableism, racism, xenophobia, etc.)

Also, while I include angst in my stories, the people who are big on "I have nothing but bad stuff in my writing and I'm proud" are, uh... not on my "follow" list. While they can write what they want and enjoy it, grimdark is not my thing. Angst is best in moderation and I very purposely control the amount of it in my life.

(Also Kris's--my ex writing partner's--obsession with "grimdark-ness" is a good part of why I'm so ecstatic to remove her stuff from my writing. Yes, I've tried it. For years. I hated it. Please and thank you. Also note that I proudly call myself an evil writer, so it's not like I don't love angst, it's just--moderation. Seriously.)

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Yes! I think a good 50-30% of my interactions are with non-moots, haha. I go out of my way to try to support my moots, but I'll definitely share support with anything that catches my attention, no matter who it's from!

To be fair, though, I think a majority of non-moots I interact with are on my mental "probably going to follow soon" list. I can be slow to make decisions, haha. It doesn't help that I try being active with my moots, so I'm trying to avoid growing that list too quickly!

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

Haha, depends what you mean by that? My brain is definitely too full of my own characters to have any space for anyone else's, but I definitely do think of others' characters at times! There's plenty of y'alls characters I really like, haha.

Just... omg, my hyperfixated AuDHD brain refuses to focus on anything except for the Hyperfixation of the Moment™.

This was a huge one! Hopefully I'm not screaming into the void with this one, or you guys enjoy finding out more about me and my WIPs.

If you're curious about the reason this is labeled Writer Questionnaire 2... well guess what!

Tagging (gently! This is a lot, haha): @honeybewrites @yourpenpaldee @paeliae-occasionally @mysticstarlightduck @illarian-rambling @.darkandstormydolls (tagged you earlier in the post haha) + open tags!

Divider from @cafekitsune!

[musicalmoritz]

For the disorders, ngl I've kinda headcanoned Hanako with bipolar disorder / manic depression for a while? It's always seemed to me like he really swings between high-energy, very sociable, sometimes very disconnected and almost manic (for example the clock keepers arc where Yashiro's lifespan is revealed, the picture perfect arc, and the severance arc), to much more reclusive and quiet (such as after the clock reveal in the newer chapters, or right after the clock keeper's arc / chapter 29). I definitely get the excitable part could be just him masking, but seeing as we see him get excitable and a little concerning before he died (the whole "I'm not going anywhere" bit), I feel like it's not fully just a mask, I feel like there's some more goin' on...

then also ASD. am I projecting there? Yes maybe. But also. He struggles with social cues (genuinely seems to have trouble telling when he's upset Yashiro until she say, starts crying like the confession tree incident), has trouble making friends, is very passionate (special interest) with space, takes things very literally ("I want to live for 90 more years!"), notices patterns / little details (is very perceptive of most things, such as how no.6's boundary seemed off, where Yako's yorishiro may be located, etc), etc. also he does the hands thing haha

Also BPD Aoi is so real to me

Omg I never thought of bipolar Hanako but that makes so much sense! I always assumed the more “excited” part of his personality that you mentioned was him masking or simply having different moods but now that you mention it, his behavior does kinda shift with the arcs of the manga. I can definitely see it. I also write Akane as bipolar a lot tho that’s the type of headcanon where I’m adding smth to canon rather than interpreting, obvi his mood swings in canon wouldn’t be an accurate representation of the disorder. With Hanako tho I could def see his behavior being the result of alternating between manic and depressive episodes (and as someone who’s known kids diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it feels realistic to the way it presents in youth)

And as for ASD…I’m ngl I thought we all already agreed that was basically canon. I’ve read some good explanations for Hanako being autistic coded and Tsukasa being ADHD coded, to me it just makes sense. I’m sometimes hesitant when I see ASD headcanons bcuz a lot of fans use them to be like “haha this character is so silly,” but with Hanako that doesn’t seem to be the case. As I said, I’ve read a few analyses on it so people clearly put a lot of thought into the headcanon

And yes BPD Aoi is real

[mysticalsoot]

guitars and domestic bliss

a/n; this was an idea that I wasn't originally going to write. but lilly is like that and gave more ideas and so we're here. i actually really adore this fic alot and while I am not confident in my tickling or kissing writing skills, I think this turned out decently. (i also have three more fics I'm gonna finish to post soon, hehe)

summary(I forgot, wtf); reader and Wilbur (both autistic coded) like silently playing guitar together, and Wilbur uses that knowledge to help calm down reader during a storm! flirting, over guitar kissing and trampoline tickles ensue!

pairings; cc!wilbur x gn!reader

warnings; swearing (I think, honestly just assume my writing has swearing), kissing, thunderstorm mentions, Wilbur is flirty not entirely suggestive but that man is a flirt (not always a good one) so yk!

pronouns; none!

words; 2.4k exactly

masterlist

—★—

You and Wilbur had plenty in common, similar interests, habits—even similar functions of your brain. One thing that was the most similar, was your love for music and playing music. It was a common occurrence for the both of you to simply just be next to each other, playing whatever riff or song that came to mind for hours. You'd either be somewhere in your shared office, either sat in your chairs or on the floor—or standing opposite each other as you smiled and played anything and everything.

It was a mindless activity the both of you enjoyed, something tactile you could do without speaking or thinking. Fingers plucking at the strings, forming chords on the fretboard, heads bouncing a smidge at the sounds and rhythm. Wilbur humming lyrics incoherently, but he knows exactly what they are and somehow, so do you.

His face would contort in this concentration, eyes shut and mouth smiling as he would listen to the sounds of the music. It was peaceful to be here, it was peaceful to watch him. And you came to the conclusion that this is what domestic bliss must be like. Watching your lover enjoy something he loves, see the smile curve up on his lips as he throws himself into the lake of passion. Butterflies would flutter and erupt in your heart escaping the confines of the muscle and into your chest.

These moments of calm felt like home, like safety. That's something you knew, something you felt.

Today was no different, it was quiet and dark. A storm had been passing over for a few days, sheets of rain falling from the sky and hitting the roof over and over. Thunder and lightning erupting in an anger only a god could muster. And sure, it spooked you, you'd jump at every sound and your heart raced in panic. It had been going on for a few days, and Wilbur decided to drown out the sounds. 

He grabbed his favorite guitar, the greenish blue one he liked to call teal but you liked to call seafoam. And he sat on the bed opposite you, beginning the usual habit of strumming a tune, but this time to comfort you and him too.

It wasn't long after he started playing that you joined in too, grabbing your own guitar and playing along. You watched as his fingers danced on the fretboard, moving to each different chord and note while his other hand plucked at the strings as he bounces his head in joy. It was nice to watch him so in tune with the music, so in love with it.

You played along with him and then he switched to playing Call Me What You Like. Your face fell and you stumbled over chords as you tried to play along with him, but failing.

Wilbur looks up from his guitar at you, eyes boring into yours through the stray curls on his forehead that dip down over his eyes. His lips curve up into a soft but mischievous smile, "You alright there, darlin?"

You pull your lips into a thin line, looking down at his guitar and then at yours, "You only taught me the beginning, I can't play along," You frown slightly as you do your best to scour your memory for what the chords looked like and what strings he plucked.

He chuckled lightly and put his guitar flat down on the bed, near the pillows and he scooted closer to you, "Then let me show you," He grabbed your hand gently and moved it lower on the fretboard, by the eighth fret. He moves your fingers to the right strings, "Now strum down," He smiles when the note rings out, nearly perfect and your face erupts into a mirrored smile. "There you go, love," He smiles, moving your fingers to the next chord, and nods, signaling for you to strum again. A different tone of sound rings out, but this time it sounds broken and you cringe.

"Ouch," You chuckle shyly, trying again and Wilbur looks down at you with a soft gaze. You strum down again and this time it sounds much better, and closer to what the song sounds like.

"Good job, love," Wilbur's smile is steady and only grows in size, his eyes shining with love and care.

This continues for a while until you can play the entire song on your own. Wilbur grabs his guitar and holds it back into his arms, going back to playing yet again. The two of you continue playing various riffs and songs you both know, for a good while. Occasionally your eyes would glance up at him, watching him as he played. His eyes were now open, glinting with love and his mouth curved into a soft grin. 

He mumbled the lyrics and as he did so, he'd glance up at you. He'd smile when a particular line came up, I'll go through every doorway and doorframe you see suitable for us to go through, he'd smirk and you knew with that stupid line he had intentions of poking at your height. But he didn't and rather continued on through the verses and lyrics, singing softly as he strummed along. You followed with your own strumming, adding to the calming noise that nearly drowned out the sounds of the storm. Calmness washed over you when you realized you had forgotten about the storm in its entirety. You suppose Wilbur deserves more credit than he's given, he's good at this. At calming you and helping you. 

The storms quieted down not long after, but you both continued playing. His attention was locked on his guitar and every movement of the chords, but yours kept deterring from the music, and the guitar held in your hands, and your eyes locked on him. It baffled you how someone could be as pretty as him, as perfect as him.

He was perfect with how his hair falls over his eyes when he looks down, how he smiles so soft and small, and how he breathes a laugh when he fucks up whilst playing. It was beautiful to you, serene to see him in such a domestic setting.

He looked huggable—kissable.

You waited for a moment to catch him off guard, the gears in your head turning as you watched him continue playing, moving on to a different song. He hummed instead of quietly singing, and you put down the guitar on your lap. You watched him for a few moments, and he glances up briefly, just enough to give you a sly smile before readjusting his eyes to land on his own guitar.

You waited for a moment where he looked up while playing and you were quick with your movements, grabbing onto his collar gently and pulling him down to meet your lips to his. A screech could be heard from the strings of the guitar along with a squeak from him. His eyebrows went up in shock for a moment before his face relaxed. He let his hands fall to your waist as your lips connected with his, soft and sweet. He chuckled against your mouth, smiling and pulling away a moment later. Your hands still grasped his collar as you looked up. Wilbur's face was tinted pink, and he set his guitar aside before pulling you closer. 

A smirk curved upon his lips and he chuckled again, "You should do that more often, maybe on stage?" His head dipped down close to yours, and a kiss pressed to your cheek.

"Wilbur!" You smacked his shoulder and your face turned a dark shade of red, your lover laughing lightly at the sight.

"What? You should! That'd be a great clip, don't you think?" He's cocky with his delivery and he sighs as he lets his forehead fall to rest on your shoulder. Wilbur's hands rest on your sides and he pulls you closer and onto his lap.

"You're horrible," You grumble to him, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, and your arms snake around his back.

"You didn't say it was a bad idea," He presses a soft kiss to your jaw, pulling back from where his head rested on your shoulder. He reaches up to hold your face in his hands, thumbs running over the soft skin of your cheeks. You hum and melt into his touch and his eyes sparkle with love as he watches you, your eyes closing and your hands resting on top of his.

"I didn't say it was a good idea, either," 

"I still think it should be on the table," Wilbur counters, pulling your face closer to his and he places a gentle kiss on your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment. His breath fans over your face, past your eyes and it tickles you. A giggle falls past your lips and you can't help but let a soft smile curve on your features.

"How about…no," You pause, and your eyes glance up to meet his, and your soft smile turns into a smirk, "Ask one of your bandmates to kiss you instead," 

He's taken aback for a moment, pulling away from leaning his head on yours and he looks down at you. His mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water and then he shuts it closed a final time, mouth forming a thin line. He doesn't answer you and so you giggle.

"That isn't a no either!" You wrap your arms around his neck and he brings you in for another kiss, this one less rushed and slower than before and you pull back, "You'd kiss Ash, wouldn't you?"

"I didn't say anything so you can't incriminate me!" He nuzzles his face into your neck again, arms wrapping tightly around your middle and he grumbles at you.

"I'd kiss him too," You press a kiss to the top of his head and the only response you get from him is another grumble.

He pulls away again, and looks down at you, eyes boring into yours with an uncanny seriousness to them, "Who wouldn't?"

"Mm, an insane person," A peck to his lips.

"Correct!" He chuckles and pulls you back against him, before falling back onto the bed with you in his arms, "How are you feeling now?"

"Much better," You mumble against him as you nuzzle your face into his chest, your arms wrapping around his middle as his hands find their way to rub circles on your back.

"Is my amazing guitar playing the reason?" Despite not being able to see his face, you can still hear the smirk through his words.

"Fuck you," You smack his chest playfully.

"Hey!" He giggles, "I'll tickle you!" 

"Nooo! What a horrible punishment! Aaaah!" You giggle through the entire string of words, your tone so painfully sarcastic and playful, but you sneak out of his grasp before he can even think of tickling you. You jump off the bed and run out the door into the hallway. 

"Hey! No fair!" He yells after you, making grabby hands as he follows you through the hall and down the stairs, "I'm gonna get ya!" You both giggle as he follows you, the house isn't big enough to get out of his reach and so you go through the living room and through the backdoor.

"You'll never catch me!" You jump down the stairs and through the yard, avoiding any puddle the storm left behind.

"I'd like to see you try!" You're both out of breath by now, giggling and laughing as you run around the yard. 

You find your way to the trampoline stuffed in the back corner of the yard. Two 20-somethings don't need a trampoline, really but it was in your childhood home and your niece and nephew really liked it. So you and Wil kept it and sometimes used it yourselves. get your head out of the gutter, you jumped on it like little children, it was fun!

You hopped up on it, and Wil was quick to follow, hopping on and plopping next to you. His hands found purchase at your sides and tickled, you bent over giggling, holding your stomach as you swatted at his hands. 

"Stop!!" You let out through giggles, and you were somehow able to get your own fingers on his neck, tickling him back which made him retract immediately.

"Hey! No fair!" He was giggling and managed to pry your hands off his neck and you took the opportunity to jump up out of his reach before he could process and tickle you again.

"It's entirely fair, Wilbur!" You giggled as he too got up and stood on the trampoline.

"Nope," He jumped forward towards you, gently and grasped onto your sides, pulling you down onto the trampoline with him. You squealed at him and tried to wiggle out of his grasp before he could tickle you again.

"Wiiiill!!" He wrapped his arms around your middle, pulling you closer as you both giggled, not yet noticing how the wet trampoline has dampened either of your clothes.

"Whaaaaat?" Wilbur smiled as he did his best to breathe normally again, giggles not interrupting it anymore.

Your own giggles waivered out, and you turned your head on its side to look at him. You reached your hands out to grasp his face, "I love you."

His cheeks are dusted a light pink and his smile becomes soft, he leans up to kiss your nose and then he pulls back, "I love you too," He chuckles as he looks around, "Our clothes are wet now."

"Oh, I know. I was just ignoring it," You shrugged and kissed his forehead.

"Alright, whatever," He chuckles as he nuzzles his head against your chest, and you run your fingers through his hair. His hands snake up underneath you, onto your back and you both lay there silently, the only sounds are of nature and your breathing.

You both lay there on the trampoline, in domestic bliss before the rain begins pelting down again. It was nice while it lasted, and you both hurried inside to get warm and dry off. But you both gazed at each other and without saying anything, you both agreed that it was worth getting soaked if it meant you got to hold each other.

taglist; @lvrboysoot @lillylvjy (if you wanna be added just send an ask!)

[actual-changeling]

Look, I love a good discussion about a topic, it can be fun, it makes you think and reconsider your opinions, it's a good mental exercise in general, and I enjoy it.

But sometimes everyone has their point of view and that's fine. Unless it is a moral issue, triggering to me, or squicking me out too much, I don't mind seeing it! I can agree to disagree. and I will gladly do so.

You have your hill to die on, I have mine, and we can both meet on other hills that we both like or just wave at each other from afar. I genuinely do not care.

I follow people that talk about fandoms I didn't even know existed (I still have not figured out what exactly taskmaster is but it looks like y'all are having a fun time) or that hold opposing opinions, and I still like seeing them on my dash. If someone would rather block/soft block me or otherwise prevent themselves from seeing me, that's fine, protect your peace, curate your blog.

What I DON'T like, however, is people being assholes or starting discussions on posts that are headcanons, ficlets, or anything that isn't meta/speculation/theories.

What I don't like is getting anons pressuring me to 'prove' something; you're not my inorganic chemistry prof, I don't need to show you proof for shit.

What I don't like is passive aggressive vague-posting or openly bashing people, keep that in private circles and DMs.

If I ever come across as angry/upset/too intense, 90% of the time it's simply me being autistic, shit at tone, and passionate about a topic—and you're always welcome to tell me if I am making you uncomfortable/you don't want me adding to your posts/to asks how I meant something/etc.

Thanks.

[paper-mario-wiki]

imo (as someone who has played A LOT of sniper in competitive highlander) although sniper is oppressive as hell in the right hands, I simply don't believe it's overpowered, the class is just unfun to play against and is simply not fun to die to.

Sorry for adding more to this topic, but it's something I'm genuinely passionate about so it was hard to not at least say something, especially considering I am ALSO very autistic about this game I've been playing for over 6k hours (over 1k hours of those on sniper alone)

i will take a dissenter seriously when they include a single line of reasoning to refute my several paragraph analysis other than saying "he's not unbalanced he just makes the game worse by being an unfun class to fight against and so you THINK he's unbalanced".

i wonder why it feels so shitty to die against sniper no matter who you are or how many hours you have...

[castielslostwings]

Please help me tell people about my book!

Hi! I'm publishing a book! It's HERE, just in time for Christmas!! It's GAY!! It's romantic!!! It's HOT! It has firefighters and background sapphic romance, and is exciting AF!!!

I'm very excited, too!

Both U.S. domestic and international friends can order shipped Paperbacks from me directly via my Ko-Fi shop (retailers take less of a cut): https://ko-fi.com/castielslostwings/shop Or you can order on amazon directly, this is the only way to get the KINDLE ebook option: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1945687126

Standard EPUB format is available to download directly from me for $1 cheaper than Amazon: https://ko-fi.com/s/2a82c64d56

And WILL be available at other retailers soon!

Here's the thing: I had a pretty solid platform on Twitter, but since Elon took over, a lot of my followers left, the algorithm crashed, and the whole thing might go under. I don't have the same reach on other platforms, so I need some help! Please share this post if you like GAY SHIT and BOOKS and helping indie content creators be successful!!! Please follow me or check out my ko-fi for updates! Thanks!!! Here's my pitch, hope you like it:

"Fire & Ice": The flaming hot queer romance novel where a foray into BDSM helps two best friends find themselves, each other, and what it really means to burn. Summary: "Firefighter Tripp Truett has somehow tumbled into a whole new kind of relationship with his quirky paramedic best friend, Lee, but mutual relief from their high-stress jobs quickly develops into something more. With all the missed signals and crossed wires, can these two ever figure out that they're so much closer to being on the same page than they think?"

**************************************** About the author (info dump ahoy!!!!) :

I'm Robin, sometimes known as Wings! I'm a 36-year-old, queer, autistic, disabled mom of 2 humans and 5 senior rescue dogs, former R.N. & paramedic. I'm a hardcore fangirl and a proud fanfic writer (and reader), and while I know some people will judge me for that, I am not ashamed! I started writing as a hobby after becoming physically disabled and unable to work as an RN. Fanfic gave me an audience and an outlet, gifted me purpose and hope again. Transformative fiction is FUN! It fosters creativity and passion, heals wounds, and makes people happy. If someone wants to discredit me for that, then perhaps they aren't the audience I'm seeking.

Ultimately, I know I'm taking a risk, but since people seem to enjoy my fics, this book is my attempt to try and make ends meet through original fiction! I know some people WILL discredit me. But I'm always about being myself and speaking on what I feel matters: Fanfic should be legitimized as a creative medium. I assure you, friends—the thousands of hours I've spent on my fanworks are as REAL as it gets. The intersection of disparaging fanfic + sexism/misogyny can't be overstated—women (esp queer women)'s unpaid work is often treated as a "hobby," not worthy of uplifting. I'm here to uplift! The risk is worth it—I would have nothing without fanfic & I'm proud. Younger creators shouldn't feel shame about writing/reading fanfic. We should ALL approach it as a legitimate medium. In fact, MOST new media these days is transformative "fanwork" of SOME kind, whether it's inspired by, based on, or outright rebooting existing worlds.

Plus, we queer folk simply deserve to see our stories in the mainstream media and to see the characters we fall in love, identify with, and root for to get their happily ever afters.

TL;DR: I'm keeping my name and history. Hopefully, I'll be successful in original fiction, but if not, I'll still be a fangirl. Please consider supporting me + other creators attempting to dip into original works. Follow or subscribe to my ko-fi for previews, updates, access to my discord community where I share exclusive content, and more: https://ko-fi.com/castielslostwings FIRE & ICE IS NOW AVAILABLE THROUGH MULTIPLE PLATFORMS! Ko-Fi subscribers will have the option to buy signed copies & merch bundles! The link to purchase will also be posted there first.

A MAJOR thank you to my friends, editors, and to everyone who in my server for supporting and encouraging me to put myself out there and try something new. Love you guys so much. <3 Thank you to @chaoticdean for the beautiful cover. Many more thank yous to come. P.S. If you are reading this and know anyone with a platform who might be interested in receiving a free copy in exchange for promo (only if they enjoy, ofc), please holler at me, I can use all the help I can get!

<3 Wings

[turingtestedblog]

I HAVE SPENT THE LAST FEW YEARS (THOUGH I HAVE MADE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT PROCESS IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS) LEARNING HOW TO UNMASK AND UNLEARN WHAT RULES SOCIETY HAS SAID I NEED TO CONFORM TO AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON.

AND GOD HAVE THESE LAST FEW MONTHS BEEN AMAZING.

I HAVE GONE FROM MASKING 24/7 365 TO LEARNING HOW TO UNMASK IN PRIVATE TO UNMASKING IN PUBLIC.

I HAVE ALWAYS HATED MASKING BUT BEEN UNABLE TO UNMASK JUST BECAUSE OF THE EFFECTS GROWING UP AS AN UNDIAGNOSED AFAB AUTISTIC PERSON WILL HAVE ON YOUR ABILITY TO DO SO.

AND I AM UNAPOLOGETIC FOR ALL OF THIS.

I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR PUBLIC STIMMING, I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING CRINGE ABOUT MY PASSIONS, I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING HYPERVERBAL AT TIMES AND NONVERBAL AT OTHERS, I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR ANY OF THAT.

THIS DOESN'T MAKE MY AUTISTIC EXPERIENCE ALL SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS, BUT I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.

RIGHT NOW, I AM CONCERNED ABOUT THIS DELICIOUS FUCKING PIE I AM EATING, THIS AMAZING MUSIC, MY COMFORT ITEMS, AND MY SPECIAL INTEREST WHICH I AM SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH.

AND I THINK THAT IS ALL ANYBODY CAN EVER HOPE TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT FOREVER. SO TO PUT IT SIMPLY, LIFE IS GOOD.

[dysfunctional-doodle]

i love that they have an autism groupchat. like of COURSE they would make one. i don’t even really know what they’d talk about but like. lmao

(also an adhd chat that’s 99% mikey and most of what is said is just spamming memes. some related to adhd some completely irrelevant)

also referring to bay mikey as their DOUBLE AGENT I CAN’T

i’d love to hear some neurodivergent headcanons you have (i am very passionate about neurodivergent headcanons i have so many it’s unreal)

I hc that most of the Donatellos, if not all, are autistic with varying levels. I also hc that 2003 Raph in particular has autism due to the mannerisms he has in the show and I will die on that hill.

My hcs also revolve around every Mikey having ADHD (Bayverse, 2003, 2007, 2012, Rise - which was basically confirmed anyway - 2019/Batman vs the TMNT) /ADD (1987). They simply are not Mikey without it, in my opinion.

As for mutant mayhem (I’ve done a post about this) but in concept art Donnie and Mikey both have autism rep stickers - Mikey on his nunchucks and Donnie on his laptop (? I can’t remember where his was too well oops).

Other than that, I don’t particularly hc many other neurodivergent behaviours in any of the turtles notably, though I do see a lot of hcs for 2012 Raph having IED which is interesting, but I’ve not watched enough to know much about his mannerisms. Obviously I’m not a professional, these are just my thoughts and completely understand if people don’t see it or disagree! I just am quite fond of the Mikey ADHD hc the most :)

(Also, I hc Bayverse Mikey as ADHD and Autistic due to @brightlotusmoon ‘s Bayverse fanfics and tumblr posts, which are all amazing and you should check them out!)

[meefy]

Some thoughts on Lata's little cameo in Chapter 134!

I know we love to joke about Lata being grumpy and difficult but I honestly do not believe he hates people (at least, not in the way it's hinted Count Jiran does). I think Lata is disillusioned with people. I think he came to Lyrias excited to have people to share his favourite thing (rocks!) only to get scorned because of a title he did not ask for. I think he's tired of people coming after him because of said title - he assumes the reason Shirayuki wants to talk to him in the first place has nothing to do with his research, and later assumes she brings him lunch as a bribe, which tells me he isn't used to people genuinely being interested in him (as a person) and his passions. And while this might delve more into my personal headcanons than canon material, as an Autistic person myself I can't help but see SO many autistic traits in Lata. Which makes me believe that, as hurt as he was by his fellow scholars' reactions to his status, he is simply very content with his own company. Parties and huge crowds and small talk probably drain his social battery way faster and way more than he can handle; he even blatantly states to Shirayuki that their initial conversation (about crystals, i.e. his favourite topic in the world) was the best he'd ever had, likely because nobody at any of the events he'd ever been forced to attend discussed what he actually found interesting. And I think the reason why he says he didn't mind the knights circle is because even though he wasn't in his preferred environment, there were the rules and structure and routine that many of us Autistics find a great deal of comfort in.

I am getting off topic, but a final point I want to make is that I don't think Lata was being completely honest when he initially told Shirayuki he was only helping her and her colleagues to get them off his back; I think he likely really, really enjoyed having a group of people to actually finally discuss his love of mineralogy with, people who actually cared and didn't just see the fancy title and money attached to his name. And I believe he is the type of person who cares far more about others than he would ever let on; he is just very, very selective about who those people are.

So no, Lata doesn't hate people per se...he hates social expectations and all the gossip, backstabbing and baggage that comes with them.

[goodbyeapathy8]

Departure letter

As mentioned in this post, that outlines why I needed to let this be my last message in the Kindergarten Mafia Discord server... here is the Scathing Letter™. ------------------------

It is time for me to go. 

I absolutely loathe having to do a departure announcement because this is not an airport and I’m sure not a lot of people care. 

But as someone who has spent 10+ years of their life actively decolonizing and liberating my viewpoints, it would be absolutely remiss for me to not leave final remarks here expressing my utter disappointment and feelings of not being safe in this space. Not just as POC but someone chronically ill and autistic. Y’all have not made it kind for someone who has any sort of marginalized identity, as evidenced by the public dogpiling in this thread as well as the now deleted messages in clarifications.

I’m not going to address the majority of the drama except for what started it all : someone refusing a Native person’s (well-deserved) call out for a culturally appropriative phrase. 

It is devastatingly clear to me that a large portion of folks in this server have a poorly curated personal life extremely lacking in diversity. 

The defensiveness and elitism (really? Dictionary definitions?). Refusal to actively listen and instead attack others about lacking critical thinking. Self-claimed expertise. I could go on. 

So I revise what I had posted previously. Everyone is a little racist and this server is full of white supremacy tenets. 

https://rrapp.hks.harvard.edu/the-culture-of-white-supremacy-in-organizations/

This is my last attempt at educating some of you, which will go poorly, I’m sure. 

I spent an inordinate amount of time/energy/spoons to provide coherent context the last time but to find the entire thread deleted with no respect for the effort I spent there, has been one of the final straws. 

Frequently mentioning your volunteer status is frankly laughable. I have volunteered for quite a few places, including mutual aid organizations, and across multiple timezones and never have I seen so many excuses to say that y’all do not care about POC. (1/2)

I don’t care how old anyone is, what their job IRL is, what works you’ve posted with how many kudos, etc. I *do* care about the fact that multiple people, when speaking up, are treated with callousness and hurtfulness. That is a larger indication of your mental age and capacity than any other words you can type. 

That I felt safe enough to be so vulnerable in this space for a while was an illusion. There are continued indicators that POC words are ignored, especially calling out that I know both Jynx and William have requested their labor be deleted in the server but have not been. 

Last, but not least, I’m sure people will read this and think oh it’s Phoenix banding together with their friends. I say this with as much passion I can muster : I would have the same amount of disdain for the actions seen in this server without any personal friendship ties and emotions. That is how the social justice aspect of my autism works. 

You all have so much work to do when it comes to respecting other human beings that have different experiences than you. If I weren’t so consumed with the feelings of my actual divorce, recent termination, and the continued trauma of world events like that in Falasteen, I’d feel bad for you. 

As it stands, I believe my energy is precious and I simply cannot spare any more in spaces where I (and others) am not welcome or given respect to. Let it be noted that I’ve actually gone viral on social media before and I still have not left THOSE spaces and yet am choosing to leave this one. The troll comments I received on Tiktok can be ignored because they are from complete strangers that I do not give a single fuck about. The ones here, purportedly from those who claim it’s “safe”, are even more insidious in nature. 

Whatever race or ethnicity you are, to take people who have shown you their vulnerabilities and turn around to show your entire behinds in the least sexiest way ever, is not a good look. Ever. 

Leave the ass scenes to KinnPorsche.