#i am so dissapointed and impressed by myself

[thestirringpot]

that dumbtruck is just too real to be true!

[rocohen20]

For those of you who follow ColeyDoes Things on youtube may have seen her latest update "The BIGGEST fandoms on AO3". Getting the pleasant surprise of seeing Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin on the tumbnail got me so excited.

I always pictured the fandom of Hockey RPF as a niche on AO3. This fandom got me into tumblr, AO3 along with reading fan fiction all together. I've been part of this fandom for the last 8 years. Hockey in general is a big part of my life. I had so many thoughts, so much knowledge and for years it was the only fandom I read fanfiction for.

I am so excited to see it part of the 20 top fandom on a site like AO3. I didn't expect seeing this fandom so high up, and I'm honestly so excited seeing the video beacuse right now I'm 28 minutes in the video and she's going through place #15 and she still didn't get to HOCKEY RPF and I'm astounded and so excited. I can't wait to find out their placement on the top 20 fandoms. And all through the video I can't wait to see her reaction to the top ships and tags.

Seein in #12 SPORTS RPF and knowing that technically HOCKEY RPF should be under this umbrealla but in actuality HOCKEY RPF usually tagged only under HOCKEY RPF I'm shocked. I know how technically in the last year or so there was a booming in the romance genre of Hockey Romance Books, but I'm not quite sure what it did to the popularity of Hockey on AO3. Plus, hockey is well known as the least popular sport out of the major legues of North America so I am so surprised to see how popular it actually is.

Now after RAVING about the superiority of HOCKEY RPF VS. SPORTS RPF, apparently I was fundementally wrong and got dissapointed.

I was sure that AO3 seperated each and every "sport's field" RPF as a seperated entoty and not logged them together. Through the whole video I was waiting for the moment of the fandom I was so excited about being talked about. With each fandom she would look at the top ships and characters. Through watching the video I was debating with myself about the top 10 pairings. It's been a while since I looked up the exact list. So I was under no impression that Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin would be the number one pair. But as for the others I debated with myself. Just for the fun of it the list I had in my mind who is based on my personal experience and on various post about the top main paieings of Hockey are:

Sidney Croaby/Evgeni Malkin

Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews

Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin (I know fhat it used to be their place, and I am well aware how they are barely any new fics about them, but I still want to believe they are on the top 10 pairs).

Danny Briere/Claude Giroux

Alexander Ovechkin/Nicklas Backstrom

Nolan Patrick/Travis Konecny

Leon Driasytel/Matthew Ktchuk.

Connor McDavid/Leon Driasytel

Sidney Crosby/Claude Giroux

Jeff Carter/Mike Richards (a girl can dream).

After getting it out of the way. What happened in the video was- she read a bunch of pairing from different sports. Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin was in fact the number on pairings. Which was extra impressive when you take into account the different feilds of sports. But in fairness it seemed like Hockey RPF was one of the OG Sports RPF with continued audience. And as for those two they had the benefit of playing with each other close to 20 years.

Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews also made the list, at around number 5. It made me so happy. As someone who was a big reader for 1988 it made me so happy. Also Coley didn't know how to read Toews so she read it as TOE-EZ, and through my mind I thought "Patrick Sharp would be so proud". Also it rather fitting to accidently hit a major theme in many of the 1988 fics, especially the older ones.

She also had a big surprise to see Omegaverse as one of the main tags. As someone who adores omegaverse and specifically reading it with the context of sports RPF it didn't surprise me in the slightest.

It also made me really happy to see the second most kudoed fic being a Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin wedding day fic. Especially because I know I put it in my marked for later list and there is a podfic version of it with 5 hours lengh.

Even though it wasn't to the extent that I wanted to, I still enjoyed the video and seeing even the mention of some major pairings who I read many fics about, gave me joy.

[azureflamesideblog]

Okay SO I guess I am gonna throw my 2 cents in here. Cause I think it's something that should be put out their to be fair to this live action adaptation.

Yea...not a good look when you erase a large chunck of a characters arc. I don't know how they would consider Sokka's behaviour iffy if it was never once condoned nor did he stay that way. In fact, he begin to change that attitude within just the first few episodes. I am just as unhappy with them kinda omitting that as anyone else.

HOWEVER becasue I am stubborn about giving new adaptations/shows/things the benefit of the doubt and being willing to see them and judge for myself...

The biggest thing they've been telling us is that things are being changed and remixed and all of it has a reason. An arc or two for even the main characters being tweeked shouldn't be that much of a shock, imo. And if it's a change and they promise all changes were done with intention and planning, I'd put out there that we should not completely write it off as bad YET. This story is gonna be different that the one we had in the OG series and that should mean this new version should be not be written off before it's seen.

If they take Sokkas arc and are changing it (and I am sure they are changing it...I don't know how they'd justify having him there without an arc) that they had better put something GREAT in it's place.

We've heard mention that Sokka may be having to look into and contend with being a non-bender while with the Kyoshi Warriors. That, perhapes could be something they used in place of the arc they wrote out. Or maybe something else entirely! My point being that whatever they do with Sokka, something seems to be there. And that's worth seeing before we say it's doomed.

Not to say I am not in agreement this is dumb. It's very dumb, and I understand the reaction to it. I'm just willing to hope and be disappointed if it means I could also be impressed. You can all laugh at me if we all are, in fact, dissapointed XD.

[0dnznd0]

Okay so exactly about 2 years ago, i got an amazing idea for a comic book. I've literally spent the last 2 years of my life basically doing research, questioning people and everything, listening and reading all about the contents that will go into this comic since its based on real life historical events and they are pretty complicated.

and in 2020 while i was just starting research i came across "bandırma füze kulübü" (translation: Bandırma missle club).

Long story short: in 1959 this club was formed by Bandırma highschool kids to make missles, they first made a small missle on their own witht the resources they had at that time and the club expanded over time with new kids joining. Then they presented their missle projects to İstanbul Technical university then they presented their project to the Turkish military. Now its already hella impressive that bunch of Turkish highschoolers created a club related to such a cool idea but also expanded upon it to even reach the militarty but sadly for some unkown reasons, a fire basically destroyed all of the plans and the projects. The investigation is said to be nearly nonexistant to even begin with and the whole project was put to the shelves.

when i first came across this i was both sad to hear the way that everything ended and the way that it was handled.

like even in 2022 Turks are pretty far behind when it comes science stuff let alone space stuff, (due to reasons i cant talk about the reason why we buy missles from other countries instead of making our own, the reasons why are pretty politic and i dont want to get in trouble for saying anything. For legal reasons i am gonna mention that this post is about NO ONE but the bandırma missle club!!!!!!!!!!) like there was a whole weird ass situation with Turkey trying to buy s-400 missles from Russia and america then gettin on our asses about it since we are in nato (again for legal reasons i have to mention the fact i have nothing against both nations pls i swear to god) but like what if we MADE our OWN missles?? we are like the ball in a strategic football play, you know?? and thats why like this club was so interesting to me cuz for the last whole year all of the news were about these god damn s-400's like anyways im gettin too off topic here damn

I already had a bigger comic project idea so i had to put this comic idea to onhold due to that. But yeah i had the idea of writing about this club for a few years now.

today while i was stuck in a weird writers block for my main comic project i thought to myself "oh you know why dont i revisit this highschool missle club thing and write the script for a little comic about it maybe that will help my writers block" and i decide to do a re-research on them before hand as always and BAM-

i saw that there was a movie coming out about them this year????? you can imagine my shock LMAO

i have to say that in the trailer the visiuals, costumes, sets and set design already looks pretty good. The dialog and the editing of the trailer kind of gives me hope that this might be an actual good movie made by Turks. I'm a pretty harsh ciritique when it comes to Turkish cinema/Turkish entertaintment industry cuz like there is so much potential in it but its wasted most of the time. a lot of the things produced by the Turkish enetrtaintment industry are mid at BEST so thats kind of why. but this movie, you know might give me hope, i really hope it doesnt dissapoint man.

anyways i might not write the comic about this club im not sure. should I????? idk

[alternateanonymous]

So.... 06/24/2024

So. This is where I am.

I am in a weird place where i am alone. And i am like kinda ok with it, working on it, but the other part im not ok with because im dwelling and thinking of the past and the future. I need to learn to be more in the present.

I am not happy with the person I am. I am kinda dissapointed in myself for a lot of different reasons and I am not in a place where I can find love at all. I am in a dwelling and reflective place. i've needed to write an entry for a while but haven't because i lack the energy and ambition. Same thing with school and working out and the club which makes me sad.

Relating justin: there are a lot of emotions here. I don't think we'd work out, i just have a gut feeling. But i might be down to try if i was more healed but i am not but i could feel myself getting attatched. I was selfish and a little deluded when it came to you and that was at your expense because I just said i wanted to have fun. which was true but not the full truth. The truth is, i am very much not where i want to be and not in a healthy position to even be pursuing any type of relationship even if it's not even on my end. even if someones says they are waiting for me because i do not need that pressure. so, don't wait for me. i would still love to have you in my life as a friend who witnesses my transformation and i would feel like it would be sad to let you go but i understand if it's to akward and difficult for you.

Relating ryu: fuck dude, i know you really like me. but i fucked up, i had "too much fun" and crossed some boundaries I really shouldn't have and i am sorry for that. You don't deserve that and are probably very confused. I need to be more clear.

so basically, here is a life update. Starting with the break of no contact. Didn't talk with him much. talked with him here and there, went on a late night drive with him. Went to anime con with him. It was weird, could tell bro was feeling weird. everything was chill, i started missing him seriously. went on a whole ass walk, Darius came up, made out in my apartment, he met the roomies. Then he professed his love for me and i told him no and bro went all sad boy. i ended up walking around campus for like 3 hours by myself missing stefan and being sad about the darius situation. I ended up blocking him and kevin in a valient effort to move forward and create boundaries. muhsin helped me through that. That went well for about a month and i worked out, other guys told me they were intrested in me. i started getting clloser with freddy. Hung out with freddys in boston and met all his friends, and others. I dropped a whole ass albumn, one that was supposed to be for stefan but they were all bangers and i still wanted to release it but changed them all and then did. by the way. this is all in the same phase era, i don't remeber exactly which came first or what not. hosted ulaunch.

then i went to a car show after pulling an all nighter and driving around in my car. found a really cool spot and sang into the nature. I met abunch of new people, i was a yes gurl that day in my most authentic self. I ended up hanging out alot with the friends I met that day. we got close. i started hanging out with will alot more, did some real date type shit like photoshoots and getting high. p sure bro caught feelings but ended that p quicjly.went to a party with muhsin, amelia and will. Mushin did some fucked up shit and invited stedan there. really dumb. i invited them to my apartment for a party. One of them got close with me and we hung out during that party alone. He got the wrong impression, told me he liked me and i caved for the plot. I told him, no expectations but he said aight. me and that group went to a fire car show. it was fun. That's when shit really got all fucked up. I started talking with another dude about exploring my sexual side, as a purely platonic thing and because I was curious. I created an account where i posted things and got a lot of responses. then I asked him if he wanted to hookup in light of the situation for comfortability purposes, he took it the wrong way and started treating me romantically which made me feel weird but i just brushed it off when i should've addrresed it. It happened and i was super intoxicated and realy didn't want to but said fuck it imma just let it happen because im intoxicated and had a little bit of a panic attack during it. the next week passed, i didn't say anything about the occurence and he didn't either until he called me at 4 in the morning after work telling me his concerns. He felt used and betrayed because I didn't reciporcate any of those feelings or discuss the matter. He told me he didn't want to be friends. I said, i did all i could and said all i could've said. Then he texted me later saying he revokes that statement and wants to be friends. I didn't respond to him. Then that guy that told me he liked me from the party found out. Oh, by the way during all of this i was still hanging out with him and getting super close, same thing with Will, and i was also distancing myself from my previous best friend because of the breakup. Justin asked me about will and i told him. He doesn't know about the site thing. That became a whole thing as he told me Will was back talking me to his friends Shreesh and dominica. I also went to a party with justin. I didn't make out with a girl but said i did. Ya, that was dumb and shitty and i didn't think it had much weight to it but it did end up having weight. it was a whole thing trying to figure that situation out. We kinda did. Me and will hung out a lot less. Me and justin kept hanging out the same amount. Me and justin hooked up because i was super intoxicated and had it in my mind that this is just the way it;s gonna go basically doing it for the plot in a negative and toxic way. I feel like i put myself in a position to be raped, mentally and physically. Also, i hooked up with this other guy named connor. We got stuck in a field and had to be towed. he is hot but he doesn't have the vibes im looking for. also, me justin shreyas and tony all went to worcester for demo ride. it was fucking awesome. also went to a party with the club, jd was playing drums it wsa cool. went to hang with biker group after. Super fun, met a lot of people was super extroverted. Made dp dough in my party fit was fun.

Then my brithday party happened. hung out iwth freddy, julian and justin and syka. Legit one of the best hangouts ever. Brought the club and the biker gang togetyer. Oh, also throughout this period I had some of the best college expereinces with the biker group that i've ever had, so super complex. but brithday happened, i was late to my own birthday and got to wasted and emotional and then justin and ryan almost fought eachother. Both sides didn't like eachother and i was in the middle confused and sad. Also, ryan's gf pulled out of the lease which was a big fuck you and they both lied to me and saxon saying it was cheaper. I didn't trust or like ryan cuz he wanted to hear all of your woes and sorrows but didn't do shit to be there.. I feel like he has no respect for me and verbally talks down on me. But i'm still chill with him. Also, will says a lot of out of pocket and rude things to me about justin and the biker gang like, don't make out with justin, oh was the person that tried to kts from the biker group. anwys, i digress I was then told to talk with everyone about it and to distance myself from justin. Also, told julian about the site. Ended up doing sexy stuff with him too.

Then, I crashed my motorcycle. Almost died. high sided, landed on the other side of the road face down in a pile of blood. went to the hospital. parent's super mad, justin stayed with me the whole time. i got out. went to six flags a few days later, went to a 21 savage and jid concert. went on a boston trip and hiked up a rock mountain. healed, kept gettnig closer with justin but now more in a friend way. Started realized i only wanted him as a friend. hung out with will, went to boston. Had a lot of fun. Hung out with feddy and justin. They got close we went to the zoo and drove around boston. legit had a fire ass day. had them over to the apartment again, went to a brewery and got pulled over. got a massive ticket for like 300 something. went to boston, to see justin like 2 times. paid 40 for parking and then second time got a parking ticket cuz im retarted. paid 90. went to the aquarium with justin. hung out with ryu, went to fan expo. We fake proposed for fun and i kissed him. bro caught feelings. really i shouldn't have done that.

now we are in this phase, started working. now im super reflecting on the fucked shit that happened in the last... what, 3 months. bro and i broke up right before spring break which was in march. like march 17th is when it started. Holy shit bro. my job is being super insecure rn as fuck police details. Im being super reflective. im loving the cyberpunk astehtic. I'm thinking alot about my ex's, myself, watching shows, feeling super lethartic. i want to get out of this mindset but i don't know how. I can't force myself to because then i won't really do it. im lacking who i used to be. how do i change that. 5 crazy changes in the last 3 months is crazy. but yea. so basically. im also thinking about stefan and realzing how much i really did love him. i loved him a lot. the beginning was perfect until it wasn't and idk how long it's going to take for me to get over that. it's so sad. i failed myself and him, and so did he. did i loose the love of my life? no way, no way because the love of my life wouldn't do those things to me. but i lost a very very very imporant person in my life. All i can do is to keep doing better for me, because the love of my life is going to be stefan and more. much more. But i am scared that he was the love of my life and that i am not going to find someone else, and i am also still very unhealed. and if i don't heal myself and be ok then i won't find my love. so i've tried to do other things like like fictional men and etc. ya man, shits crazyyyy. but yea. im scared he was the love of my life because im super unhealed. because im super unhealed i also can't let anyone in to love me or deal with situations properly. i need to learn boundaries and learn how to truly love myself and heal myself through the peace of mind of being confident in me.

wrote this song today.

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or  was i the last love that you had 

I think of the memories,

 that we both shared

Filled with exactly what i wanted and all i wished for, but those good time can’t be spared 

Because i think of the torture, the horror, the pain 

I think of the future and the way I couldn't stay 

I think of the failed pursuit of love where I tried so hard, and so did you

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or  was i the last love that you had 

And i’m sad because now i was just another stepping stone 

For a broken boy to get to his goal

Of working to fix himself for his one true love 

And now i can’t get the sadness out of my mind

Of all the wasted efforts, emotions, and time 

Because now im here, and all i can say is so…..

And I tried to pick myself up from the ground

Found someone who was right and could hold me down

But because of the past, i wasn’t able to allow 

And im screaming inside cuz theres no way out 

We could’ve been so good

Instead you hurt so bad

And now im wondering, if you;re still loving, or  was i the last love that you had.

so yea mags. you got this. take this time of reflection. its ok. after this period of reflection. use it to slowly boost yourself to become the person you want to be. you want to be reia. be her, it's ok. yea, i have 3 sides. reia, vali and mags. lol, it's cringey don't judge. I have made Neo the love of my life right now lol. it's ok to have fun with thinking about love, just don't dwell on it to much. you are also deeply connected with the sun, eternal sunshine baby. you got this. keep reflecting, it's ok. Know that you have the energy in you somewhere. it's just harder to access right now. so accommodate to that and adapt. you got it maggie

[marmutgembil]

18th May 2024, And today I am exactly 24 years old, 1 Month and 1 Day

To celebrate, here is the list of everything that had been going on since the day I finally turned 24. The age that never once in my life thought going to reach. Ever since I turned like, 13 years old, the urge to end my life always there, the feeling of shameful of myself always in the back of my mind. But nevertheless, surprise, despite despite despite, I've reached this age, at the prime of 24, ready for more adventure of life.

So I'll stop yapping here, and here is the list!

I left my uncle's house first thing in the morning on 17th April, Jogja had pretty much clear sky at first, but suddenly it started raining so briefly. I remember thinking, well that was weird, right? Only when on the way to Stasiun Tugu, a double rainbow greeted me. LIke a full, bright rainbow that's really clear right in front me, as like as I walked into the the portal under the rainbow. I remember the joy, and I took that as a sign, that I was meant to reach that age and all the pains and struggle took me to that moment. A brief moment of clarity.

My fiance bought roses, red roses to be exact while picking me up from the airport. It was really romantic, and dear god I missed him so much after a week being apart. I cannot be apart too long from him!

He also arranged a mini birthday celebration for me, even though I was so tired and ready to pass out, I loved that he really cares and do his best. I love him.

I finally went out on and trying out a new restaurants, one that have all you can eat option. That restaurant also happens to be a nightclub, so it is also kind of fine dining restaurant. I really love the food, and coudn't even stop eating. The beef menus left a deep impression to my heart and definitely worth the money

I bought one bottle of perfume, and my sister gifted me one. I love both, but I think it would take me 2 years to finish it! I always quickly got bored, and definitely is already on the hunt for next favourite scent

I made mistakes at work, for more than several times a week, and then the last mistake was really put got my manager really dissapointed and maybe jeopardize the company. That was the hardest Friday of my entire life, and just for the background, i was fired once, and this felt even worse. My manager wasn't even speaking to me directly!

But my coworker is really nice to me and she comforted me. Also of course my fiance really being my rock for the entire time it happens.

Me and my fiance got into a big argument about the wedding ring. I was being greedy, ungrateful and definitely the love I have for him wasn't show up. I was really sad over a ring where it's already his best maximum to give at this moment, since he also prepared something extra nice to me on side. I let my intrusive thought win and trying to left him

Another big argument ignited, the final. He told me his side of the story and really wake me up to the reaity, where I am in fact, an ungrateful and greedy. He still loves me, despite everything, I don't even know why. But I take him for granted anymore. That night, I know I was being really cruel, but his love doesn't flatter, even for a bit.

I made up my decision to make my own ringbox, one that I painted my self. I want to be able to create something personal and memorable for our wedding.

With the help of my sister, I reached out to my online friends to 3D printed the box. And it was perfect, just like I wanted!

I finally reachout to a psikiatrist after the big fight, becasue at that time I felt like I want to cry all the times, as opposite of wanting to be angry and lashing out. Instead, it manifest into crying and self destruction, especially when things go south. I also keep have paranoia that everyone doesn't really like me, and everyday I have to fight the response to left everyone before they left me. I need constant affirmation, which I know would be so tiring to my fiance. I went, and was diagnosed with Bipolar.

And finally, finally, I am on meds for mood stabilitor. It made a world difference to me. No more procastination. No more unable to focus. I actually have energy to do everything, from as simply as doing laundry and keeping my space tidy, to watch movies and working on my side job without procastination. And at work, I no longer feel afraid and like everyone hates me secretly. I feel more positive and certainly not always awkward and on tension. I can do my commute to work every morning and evening, without being angry or sad after remembering random events.

That's 13 things so far, and after I look back to the entire list, the whole thing isn't a bad thing to start my 24th :)

[myrealitymyfuture]

get the matcha first

6/18/23

Serenaded with music & oysters.

Feeling a bit discouraged today. My feelings are mixed and I am validating myself that I can feel all of them.

I am okay even if everything is not okay.

___

Things at the house are starting to get to me. my patience is somewhat tested everyday and I am not sure if this is the healthiest environment to grow but I feel tied to a few things:

hitting 90 days of sobriety

purchasing a car

Trying not to move to fast...again. *

I did decide to not tell anyone next time I am moving.

*Getting oysters hold on, I have had a long week okay *

Lesson to take into consideration:

-Being cool has NEVER gotten me anywhere but trouble, doing things for other people to impress them, which leads to dissapointment, mostly because people change and cool changes.

cool gets your foot in the door but not too cool for school. Not too cool for longevity and long term gratification.

& so I meditated on the car ride here.

Things have to change.

[stealforreal]

Midoriya Izuku - Future kids I

Midoriya Izuku's day just got turned upside down. MIdoriya is slightly ooc, and I'm dissapointed with the quality of this work. I lost inspiration sorry, but here you go anyways.

Midoriya Izuku x f!reader

Warnings: none, maybe slight cussing

It had been a normal day, so far. Class 1-b and 1-a had a joint training session, and everyone was giving it their all. Iida was using his recipico burst against their team's opponents, giving Midoriya time to think up a new plan now that they had been discovered. They had previously planned to use Aoyama's navel laser to lure their opponents to a specific spot, before using Iida to get him away so Midoriya and Todoroki could apprehend them. The plan had unfortunately backfired, since they had captured Aoyama before Iida could get to him. The solid air user from 1-b had gotten him in his hold, and only after Todoroki had gotten him back did they realise how much the rest of the plan would fail. So now Midoriya was tasked with coming up with a new plan.

Todoroki was occupied with holding the others at bay, and Iida was running out of fuel so they wouldn’t be much help. Aoyama was on the brink of his usual stomach ache that followed with overuse, so he was also pretty useless. Even if he wanted too Midoriya knew he was out matched, a 4 v 1 would not end well for him, besides he had to look out for Monoma and his copy quirk. He was so in his head planning that he didn’t see the Copycat sneaking up on him, not before it was too late. He should have felt an impact, Monoma had pointed one of Bakugou’s explosions towards him. But the impact never came, instead he felt himself float in the air hovering over the remaining smoke from the explosion. “Don’t you dare hurt my daddy” A loud girly voice proclaimed, effectively gaining everybody nearby attention.

Turning his attention towards the girly voice, he felt himself freeze up. In the middle of their training field stood a girl around the age of 10, if he had to take a guess. But that wasn’t what caused him to freeze up, no not the fact that this young girl had somehow managed to bypass UA’s security. Which should have been impossible, considering all the improvements that had been made to it after all the villain attacks that had happened. No, what caused him to freeze up was the fact that before him stood this girl, who looked like a carbon copy of him. It seemed that way from this distance. “Who is responsible for holding Midoriya in the air?” Aizawa’s gruff voice rang out. “Oh right, I forgot about that,” The curly green haired girl exclaimed, catching the attention of the slowly increasing crowd. Slowly Midoriya could feel himself being lowered to the ground again, once his feet hit the cement the quirk that had previously held him in the air deactivated making him feel 10 times heavier.

“Who the fuck disturbed the exercise, I’m gonna kill who ever did it” a familiar angry voice yelled out, making Bakugou’s presence noticeable. Everybody was a little on edge, they had enough experience with villains to not foolishly blindly trust anybody. It didn’t matter that it was a 10 year-old girl, or that she looked like a carbon copy of the resident green haired cinnamon roll. “Man, Uncle Katsu you really were loud back in the day” This statement from the green haired girl left everyone speechless. ‘Does she have a death wish’ was the thought on most of 1-A’s minds, nobody was so casual with Bakugou because it was a serious health hazard.

Well everyone except maybe his two best friends, Kirishima and y/n. It was common knowledge in class A that Bakugou had a soft spot for his two best friends, they had honestly been shocked the first time they met her. She had walked into the classroom, blank faced, walked over to Bakugou’s table, smacked him upside the head with a book before leaving it on his desk, and walked out the door with only a quick “don’t forget it next time, Idiot”. Miraculously she had lived, and Bakugou hadn’t even begun yelling. An impressive feat in itself. Not long after Midoriya had begun noticing you around school, and found out you were a part of the support course. He came to know you a bit, his observation skills made that almost too easy. Slowly but surely he began falling in love with you, the way your hair frames your face, your sharp tongue that never held back. How you would stand up for anybody, it didn’t matter if you knew them well or not if they were in trouble you would help them.

“Hah, what was that you brat?” Bakugou’s loud yelling and heavy footsteps approaching snapped him out of his thoughts, and back to the situation at hand. “ W-wait a minute Kacchan, I’m s-sure that there is a logical explanation” He found himself saying before he could even register what happened. Midoriya was hit with an immense feeling of protectiveness, similar to when they had rescued Eri, but stronger. Without knowing he had subconsciously stepped in front of the girl, pushing her behind his back. “Don’t worry dad I can handle myself, besides it’s only uncle Katsu” she spoke up behind the protective cinnamon roll. “Explain now” Aizawa cut in before they could get side tracked again. It was like the fact she hadn’t introduced herself, only hit her now.

“ Right, allow me to introduce myself” Bowing slightly she continued. “ My name is Midoriya Izumi, I am 10 years old and from the future” Aizawa sent her a raised eyebrow, wanting an elaborated answer. “ My friend was being teased by the others in class about how he was quirkless” Izuku tensed slightly but continued listening to Izumi “ Since my friend’s parents each has a quirk related to time, his mom could speed up herself for only a couple of minutes and his dad could slow down others a bit. This made it really hard for my friend to know if he had a quirk or not, so I helped him research and test different theories. Our last one must have worked, which is time travel by the way, but I have no idea how long his quirk will last” Izumi rambled slightly, reminding them of another curly green haired individual. Difference is Izumi talked loud enough for them to hear, and a bit slower making it understandable.

“Wait, you said your name was Midoriya Izumi. Does this mean that you are Midoriya’s daughter” The ever stoic, conspiracy theory thinking, dual haired boy pointed out. “ Yep, sure am uncle Sho, Don’t tell me you don’t see the resemblance.” She stood next to Izuku hugging his waist with one arm, before continuing” I’m dad's younger copy but female, mom always says there is more wholesomeness in him than there is in her. I remember her asking dad one time why his genes were so damn strong. Luckily for her Haru looks a lot more like her, he’s her younger copy but male” The people present looked between the two Midoriyas, it was true nobody could deny that she was her fathers daughter. The only thing that was different was her eyes, they had specks of y/e/c instead of being fully emerald like Izuku’s were. Also she talks a lot, just like their classmate. They shared the same green hair, both were curly in texture and the classic Midoriya freckles. Though it seemed that she had gotten more of her mothers personality, at least they assumed so. I mean she stood up to Bakugou, without even flinching at his tone.

“Oi, squirt what’s your quirk. And quit rambling like shitty Deku” Bakugou asked, interest evident in his tone. “ Right, my quirk is called Telekinesis, so I can move stuff with my mind. It was also how I was able to keep daddy in the air” Izumi responded, puffing her chest out comically in pride. “Huh so it skipped a generation, and your quirk is stronger than my mom’s. But you also have a different approach so maybe that helps. I wonder why yours is stronger, is it because of your mothers quirk. But then again my quirk is also powerful maybe an aspect of it ties to the genes maybe that’s why your quirk is stronger than moms” The older green haired individual began mumbling on, and he probably would have continued if he hadn’t been cut off by his lowly daughter hitting him in the head. “ Daddy stop mumbling,” Izumi stated sternly.

Bakugou grinned, he liked this kid's spunk and she seemed to have a strong quirk, even if she was shitty Deku’s kid. “Oi squirt fight me” He loudly proclaimed, earning all his classmates attention. Almost everyone began yelling over each other, what the hell dude and she just a kid another one was so not manly bro. Instead of being happy her dad’s old classmates were defending her, stopping her uncle from fighting her she got annoyed. So what if she was a child, this wouldn’t be her first time fighting her dad or her uncles. Before everyone could attack Bakugou even more a voice piqued up “ Sure, if that is alright with you sensei” she directed her attention towards Mr. Aizawa.

It wasn’t rational to challenge a child to a fight, but he couldn’t deny she had a great fighting spirit in her eyes. So he allowed it, he was curious himself to see how it would end. The control she displayed earlier was phenomenal, and she was only 10 but she had a lot of potential in his book. He shooed everuýone a bit away from the hothead and the young Midoriya, and so then created a ring of sorts acting a the line of confinement.

3…..2…...1…...GO!

Bakugou charged straight in with his usual right hook, only to have it swiftly caught by Izumi. She grabbed his right hand, squatted down a bit, then swiftly pushed her shoulder into his rib. The momentum of that allowed her to, even with some difficulty, flip his much larger body over her shoulder and into the ground. There was a small second of silence where Bakugou just laid on the ground in shock, a girl over 5 years younger than him just flipped him over her shoulder like it wasn’t even that hard. However Izumi didn’t give him time to think as she sent metal bars towards him. They had been fried earlier, before her arrival. Bakugou used his explosions to evade the metal projectiles, sending another one straight towards her face. Die squirt die, his colorful vocabulary re-entered the scene. She used her Telekinesis to command the explosion to change course and hit Bakugou square in the face instead. Slightly dazed Bakugou didn’t have time to move before a heel connected to his temple, effectively knocking him out.

Everyone who bore witness to this fight was shell shocked, Bakugou lost. The fight lasted only around 8 minutes before the winner of the 1 years sports festival got knocked out by a 10 year old girl. “Huh, that was easier than expected,” the panting girl exclaimed. Izuku could feel his chest swell with pride, that was his daughter. Strong and smart just like her parents. She walked over to Izuku and slumped against him “ I’m tired daddy, carry me” She looked up at him with those doe green eyes, and how could he say no to his little warrior princess. Blushing, he picked her up, and she let out a sigh of contentment. Using her quirk to command things on a molecular level, like Bakugou’s explosions always took a toll on her.

“Midoriya take Izumi to the dorms to let her rest, the rest of you come with me for our next exercise” Mr. Aizawa commanded the frozen teens and teacher. Izuku then began making his way to the dorms, asking his sleepy daughter a tornado of questions. Do you know about my quirk, how does your quirk work, how old is Haru, am I a good dad, who is your mom? Even in her sleepy state Izumi answered his questions to the best of her abilities, though she refused to reveal who her mother was.

When they arrived at the dorms he put her on the living room couch, and went to leave to grab her some old All Might merch that could fit her. Before he could leave she grabbed his cheeks rather harshly, looking him straight in the eye she said “Don’t worry about who mom is, she loves you for you so it's gonna be fine. Also don’t screw this up so I’ll still be born.” Izuku sweat dropped nervously, before getting out of her hold to go find that old merch of his.

When he returned to the living room after finding what he was looking for, he looked around only to find that it was empty. He walked over to the couch and coffee table where he found a note, picking it up and sitting down on the couch to read it. Dearest daddy, I felt tingly so I think the quirk is gonna wear off now. I just wanted to say that you are awesome and the best daddy out there, I love you so much. I’ll see you again in the future - hugs Izumi Midoriya. Izuku’s heart fell, she had only just arrived an hour or so ago and now she was gone. He didn’t get to know his daughter better like he had hoped, and he didn’t get to see her adorably dressed up in his old All Might merch. He read the note over and over again, trying to satisfy his heart. He would see her again in the future, and then it clicked. his heart swelled, yeah he would see Izumu again some day.

Yeah he would see her again when he was married and happy. Yeah he could wait for that, as long as he has too.

@rainypeachbakerygoth

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Hi! So, why BTS? And why now? I want to follow your blog, but may I speak openly?

Writing about BTS through the lens of various critical theory is amazing. You are so smart. I am going to be honest about my own biases here, so feel free to trash me for it. I am anonymous after all so trash away as is your right. I understand.

There is often a supposition from critics, both professional and amateur, that the fandom- frequently presented as an immature, undifferentiated mob of cultists- is unable to think critically and must have basic things explained to us so that we don't throw stones at the free speech warriors of truth and standards (not saying that this is your attitude). I find that a little alienating. This fandom has existed for eight years. We have seen blogs and empires rise and fall.

I also don't think that it is an accident that the desire to project these more critical ideas into the public sphere usually comes after a year of being a full on ARMY (judging from my friends experiences). I have read peices about BTS's work referencing Lacan, neo-marxism, post-structuralism and other such stuffs. (My friend used to have an analytic blog that she chose to shut down a few years ago). I am going to be a bit blunt again, so trash if you must, but I think what was being exposed in those pieces was not only "critical thinking" but an excess of emotional investment in BTS, and the desire to intellectualize or justify it.

BTS got a lot of people through 2020. Those long content dives kept people sane. But now, based on a lot of the dissapointed PTD criticism, it feels like some people are waking up hung over and kind of bitter. Emphasizing the three English singles and ignoring BE, an album they worked on for months, seems like a symptom of this. Removing BE from the narrative seems to advance theories of BTS's 'Americanization', lack of creative agency and homogenization into some inferior or less Korean form of pop. BE should not be dismissed as irrelevant to this discourse. Many western artists take an average of 2 years between albums. BTS put out a lot of work. Maybe some of the distrust of criticism that we plebes have comes from the suspicion that critics may use art and events to construct a story. As a person of Asian heritage, LGO going #1 on Billboard meant a lot, emotionally.

I hope none of this caused offense. If it did please just ignore. Thanks for your great thoughts. Wishing you success in your goals.

Hi! Your ask did not cause offense, I'm more than fine to talk about this.

There's a lot to unpack here, so I'm taking it one by one.

Why BTS and why now? I chose to write about BTS because it's been an interest of mine for quite long. I mean, I didn't expect more than a year later to be here. My past obsessions usually lasted between 2 to 3 months, max, and everything felt so intense, but then it faded for a few years. (The last band I really focused on was Pearl Jam back in my first year of college while I was going through a bit of a difficult period in my life).

Yes, I have become a fan during the pandemic. It was sort of inevitable for it to become such a huge focus (escapism from the world outside and from writing a thesis). If I had started this blog a year ago, then you're right in one way: it would have been emotional investment and my desire to intellectualize and justify it. Basically that's what I did in the first few months (when I was on my own, in no community whatsoever). In order to explain myself and others why I'm spending time on this, I used to read research articles. But that's not the full truth and that's because to me such practice comes naturally, just as when I was 16 I couldn't just watch and enjoy movies, I had to read about them every day, or how I'm surrounded by pop culture just as everyone else, but I want to read books about it so I'm willing to do that for months. It's how I'm wired, so in a way, of course it had to happen with BTS as well.

The reason why I decided to make a blog now it's not necessarily because I ''woke up'' or that suddenly I see ''the truth''. Perhaps you may have had that impression because of my first post where I talked about PTD and the recent talks about ''Americanization''. I touched on that subject because I was closely following it, but that is not to say it was my only purpose on making a blog. I feel that, a year later, I'm more secure with my general knowledge and that of BTS. I couldn't have done it before that. I also plan to talk about other topics as well, not just what's ''hot'' at the moment. If I didn't have any other ideas, I wouldn't have made a blog.

And I'm certainly not here to teach anyone or ''plebes'' as you said, anything. And I also know that I'm not going to be the last to have a blog, write a think piece or publish something about BTS. People are allowed to engage in all types of discourse, depending on what they like and what they feel comfortable with. There are countless blogs with countless topics and perspectives. Some last, some don't, that's just how it is. I don't have huge important plans to teach the fandom, my ego is not that big and this is just a hobby for me. It's also not the first time I'm publishing something, but it is the first time on my own blog, despite being on tumblr for 10 years now.

But you are right when you talk about people forgetting about BE and I may add, Film Out which is more recent. I too thought that LGO going #1 on Billboard was incredible. It was a song in Korean that really reflected how people felt during the pandemic. Not just LGO, but the entire album is a true reflection of current times on top of being just simply good music. The album was promoted as well, different versions of the MV, the logs that preceded it focusing on production, it really made me look forward to it and it did not disappoint. The last few months of 2020 have been really good for what BTS has delivered. To go back to your argument, I don't think it's about constructing a story. Yes, in a way people could be accused of ignoring BE, but what's the problem with focusing on what's been going on at present? We shouldn't be surprised about that, PTD was released not too long after Butter. It was full of promotional material ever since May.

I stated in my blog introduction that I'm in film studies, so I will end up making a lot of references because I can naturally make my point across. Let's say I'm a fan of Xavier Dolan. I've watched his first films, fell in love with his aesthetics and his stories. Then he releases something that I don't really like, doesn't work for me. Then another. And then another. I'm thinking, ok, this is the direction he's going with, it's not as daring as what he used to do before, but so what? He gets the awards at Cannes, but I'm still writing a negative review of his film Mommy. Doesn't mean I'm wrong, doesn't mean the Jury at Cannes is wrong, it certainly doesn't mean that I don't like Xavier Dolan anymore. We're just looking for different things.

We write about things that are happening at the moment and how see them now. We make judgments of value based on our current knowledge. Who's to say that in 10 years people won't look back and think: those critics had no idea what they were saying about BTS (Antonioni's L'Avventura was booed at Cannes when it was released in 1960 and now it's considered a masterpiece and even taught in schools). But that's just a possibility right now and if in 10 years I'll remember that I used to write about this, perhaps my opinions could/would change. Maybe less than10 years :)

[nagiscap]

nice to meet you - chapter 117 review!

im adding the chapter name to the the title i think it is an important addition. i just wanted to give a quick update on what im working on so there are two requests im churning out rn and i am close to hitting 100 followers so i am planning on doing some type of 100 followers drabble, ficlet or smth like that event! okay without further ado let’s get into this chapter WARNING!! there will be SPOILERS AHEAD!! 

rin is giving me very ignored brother energy rn. the sae copycat behaviour is quite sad but i would love an explanation for why he is the way he is because this was quite comical to me and i was trying my best to contain myself bc i was reading this chapter in my photo class 

so basically the key to their success is practice makes perfect and itoshi rin’s awakening hmmm idk if i love it or hate it but it makes enough sense where i am not thinking wow what extreme plot armour so i am okay with it 

this mf is crazy and i love him like he really is going leaps and bounds to protect the goal which is impressive and oliver also i rlly like this panel and this chapter in general with the ball movement it looks extra good this chapter and idk why 

he is a bit of a meanie a little bit of a trash talker and i like it i like the zest 

kinda reemphazing my point from before (practice makes perfect mantra) i mean the blue lock bois did work rlly hard especially compared to the u20 team which rlly just seemed to beef bc of sae’s and shidou’s crazy asses so in a sense it does make sense that practice is a factor that makes blue lock “better” than the u20 team idk if i explained that well lmao 

the defense on the u20 team is crazy the keeper doesn’t even have to do shit oml but fr claps to them holy moly they are sacrificial 

YUP I AM BACK ON MY BS LOOKS WHO IS BACK GO BOYFIE GO DO YA THANG

ok subtle nagi evolution like i am feeling this rn as a nagi stan like yes we love a little technical development i am curious if this will occur for everyone on the team especially bc imo i think blue lock will end with a team and not just one striker this is just my opinion tho lol 

YOU TELL EM KING EXACTLY SPEAK UR NAME INTO EXISTENCE LET THEM MF KNOW WHAT NAGI DO LEGEND BEHAVIOUR YUPPPPPPP OFC NAGI THE ONE TO BRING BLUE LOCK BACK INTO THE GAME OFC NAGI IS SUPREME DUH 

i just found this to be vvv funny and a lil cute

YUP YUP YUP THIS AINT THE END OF NAGI SUPREMACY AS NAGI SAID NICE TO MEET YOU THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING AHHHHHHHH 

japan is shook to the core bc nagi did what a king do they couldnt handle it loser behaviour displayed in 4k nagi is dissapointed but i got his back lmao anyway i love seishiro nagi he is a king icon legend god etc. this chapter like others proved it again this is the nagi content i needed and i was waiting for it too because it’s been a bit of a drought and the last time we saw him it was lowkey loser behaviour but he bounced back cuz thats what legends do 

[layanasstories]

Part 18

As I walk trough the hallway to our room. I see Jake from the oth walking my way. He holds something in his arms. I unlock the door and keep it open so he can walk in as well. "What do you got there?" I curiously ask. "Our laundry, I only packed two sets of clothing and underwear when I rushed to you. So it needed to be cleaned. I hope you don't mind, but washed yours as well." He answered. "Are you capable of reading minds?" I pull out the laundry detergent from my purse. "No I am not? Why?" He turns around and starts laughing. "You had the same idea I see. Next time it's your turn". "Thank you Jake!" I take my clean clothes form him and put them away inside my backpack again. "How was town today? Any luck?" He ask me. "Unfortunatlly nothing. The lady from the pharmacy didn't know anything and Ms. Sully didn't show up. But I did manage to get us two seats at Aurora for tonight." I look at him, not sure if he still wants to join me. "Mmh.. good". "Good? As in good you got seats? Good I had a very unproductive day?" I say a bit annoyed. "Just good, like. Okay, now I know. And you do know what I think about that Phil guy" he answered. "Sure." I look at him a bit longer. "I am going to get a quick shower and make myself presentable. I want to make a good first impression" I giggle a bit, when I get my outfit and make my way to the bathroom.

We park the car in a side street near the Aurora. It's almost 7.30pm. I suggested we should go earlier than I said to the group to meet, so we can question Phil one more time before they arrive. When we walk into the Aurora we both are startled by Phil. "NO WAY!" He shouts. "No way. Jake my man!! That's a such a long time ago! What the hell are you doing here?!?". I look at Jake and he looks just as shocked as I am. It took him a few more seconds before his shock dissapears. But my shock is only getting stronger when I see Jake walk towards Phil and both guys hug each other thight. "Phillip?! How long has it been? Ten? Fifteen years maybe? Good to see you man" I hear Jake say. "U..Uhm.. guys?" While I step forward "Care to explain Jake?". "Wow you got yourself a pretty lady I see" Phil says, as bold as always. "Yeah, I do. And from what I heared you called her a cutie?" Jake rises an eyebrow. "Jake, If I knew she was your girl. I would have never tried to hit on her. We both have learned our lesson." I am more confused then ever, although I try to hide it. "How about those two seats you have for me Phil?" I say with a smile hoping for a confused look on his face. And I am not dissapointed. "Two seats?" I see him digging in his memory "Layana? For real? And this (pointing at Jake) is the 'other' cute girl you would bring?". "I never sad it was a girl, I only asked for an second seat" I wink at him. "But I believe it's a good moment you two explain to me how you know each other!"

----

[determined-magi]

Arcane-archives

*The tactician's eyes widen in gleeful surprise, another light chuckle escaping him. He's thoroughly fascinated with the king, and can't hold his curiosity back.*

Zephyrus: Majesty it is then! You're rather sharp too. I'm glad I can skip over the explanation regarding my appearance.

*He waves a hand at himself and his ghostly robes.*

This "curious spirit" goes by Zephyrus. Zephyrus Yuen. I'll cut straight to the point, since we both don't seem like the type to enjoy wasting time!

I hail from another land. Another world. One where the war between humans and monsters has long since ended. I was my homeland's most formidable Perseverance mage, and now I am a fragment of my former self. A wandering soul.

*He hums and looks about the grim room with great interest.*

It seems that my world is a bit...Unstable, at the moment. I've crossed over to yours rather unintentionally. Oh, but what a great find it was!

A former "kindness" mage with such an impressive body count? A king nonetheless? And a mage with magic resembling that of dragons? Why, you put the royal family of Cielar to shame!

*He frowns in disappointment, teeth gnashing and fists clenched.*

Why didn't we get someone as interesting as you!? Bloody hell, I've been born in the wrong world!

“ Oh you didn’t lose much durning my upbringing, Zephyrus... ”

“ As a prince I was damningly too take I fear. Too caring, mindfull... passive. I was denying myself. Far too letting and eager to leash and cage myself in the name of others, you didn’t miss much... I would dare say you would be as dissapointed as you are with them. “ The king rumbles, eyes narrowing lightly. However softening to his more impassive gaze. He did, however not ignore the compliment given his way. it, at least, did feel nice. and his magic settled in his chest with a pleased rumble as well. before returning to his seat to lazily let his body rest for the duration of the exchange... he supposed he could afford this curious happenstance some time. “ Seems our worlds differ quite strongly, I suppose I would, too, be dissapointed in such a world, I assume they kept a status quo within your lands as well? I would not be surprised, I took that role until father brought SOME sense to me... Shame there won’t enough time to explore all there is to hear... “

“ As for the sharp sight, it doesn’t take much for a deadman to recognize a dead man, truly. Even less for mages... they do speak of us of your ilk. I used to feel nervous... but at this point I am more nervous of not dying. “ The mage makes a flick of his wrist and sends a fireball at the corpse, setting it ablaze with ease with little more atention given. “ Hm... it seems monsterkinds incompetence is a universal variable, from the looks of it. It is not surprising. their royals were thoughtless weaklings incapable of appreciating what they had infront of them. “

“ The one thing I regret the most is wasting my time with them. “

“ Unstable you say... hm... what a unfortunate situaton, as well as a fortunate one. Truly a shame it was made durning such a poor moment. Ah, what a find indeed, what things could be learnt from such experience, I am envious of your condition. You must certainly be having a field day then. “ Oh if only he could do the same, paralel worlds? universes? That was the dream for a mage. How unfair life had cut his life short from just the right moment. So much wasted potential from being re-discovered at the wrong time. At least he could have some time for a small chat and record what he could,  even if it ended being naught but a small record. “ Tell me more about your world, Zephyrus, I am quite curious myself too... And I will in turn share of mine, a fitting exchange, wouldn’t you think so? “

“ Such an opportunity few times is given in a lifetime, if it is ever given... I think I can just squeeze the right time for this, but we must hasten. I still have much too do, and I am sure you will desire to see more... “

[spell-card-fusion]

Neurotoxin

Admittedly I was acting way too calm about this.

It was a simple meeting after all. After how unprepared we were to deal with The Nine I made a point to actually finish those costumes. It was relaxing actually, if I ignored the discussion that would come after I revealed them to the team. Their agreement to turn on Coil also came as a relief.

There was this feeling though, this feeling that I should feel a lot more tense than I actually am. It wasn’t hard to pinpoint where that feeling came from.

Amy-- Neurotoxin hadn’t stopped staring at Tattletale the entire time.

It made sense that even with her joining the team that there’d be some tension there. I couldn’t tell if they were both dancing around it to have the conversation in private, or if they were trying to move past it. I got the sense however that they NEEDED to talk about it. The last thing I want is for us to fall apart at the last second because Amy and Lisa are bad at actually talking to each other.

Tattletale seemed to catch on to that, because as everyone left she stayed behind.

Maybe it wasn’t the best move not letting me ask her to stay in the first place, because Amy caught on as soon as I did to the use of her power.

The atmostphere in the room was deadly serious. Anxiety so palpable that the single buzz of a fly could threaten to take everything apart.

Not me though. I was calm. Maybe it was the death of the nine, maybe it was the fact that I was finally settling into the role of someone who couldn’t afford not to be calm, but I was. 

I spoke up, as softly as I could manage.

“Do you want to talk about it, Amy?”

The way I talked to her didn’t seem to catch her so off guard anymore, just slightly this time. I’d started to think the whole rumour was a blessing in disguise, it had to be if it helped her stay comfortable around me. Had to be if it lead her to joining us.

I felt scared all of a sudden, that I didn’t feel bad about manipulating her like this. It didn’t last long.

‘I’m doing what I have to do.’ I told myself, and I bought the lie.

“Yeah, okay,” Her reply sounded Aceptant enough. She knew this would have to happen. “Should I start or..?”

Lisa was probably trying to give me a signal, but I didn’t need it. Amy believed that if Tattletale spoke first she’d gain the advantage of the situation, just as she believed that if she spoke first she might give away something Lisa could use. It wasn’t a game she could really win, so she stayed around me whenever she could if Tattletale was involved.

She was starting to depend on me for a lot of things actually, and it started to feel natural. Her living with me like this, sharing a territory. 

I liked being in control.

‘Stop that.’ I told myself silently. ‘Stop thinking like that’

I settled on the easiest answer. “Go ahead.”

“I don’t- I don’t think- I just don’t-”

“Deep breaths” Somewhere in the conversation we had all sat back down. I lightly squeezed Amy’s hand, and she squeezed back in a far tighter manner. I start to wonder when we got so attached, or why it felt natural.

‘You know why’ 

I didn’t let go of her as she spoke.

“I don’t feel comfortable around you,” She says, and she sounds so meek for someone who I’ve seen commit murder before. “I don’t know how anyone does.”

I hadn’t been paying as much attention to Lisa I realized. But now looking at her her expression seems unreadable. She has that smile on her face that wasn’t quite genuine, but wasn’t quite fake either. 

“If we’re being honest, I feel the same way about you.” 

“Don’t- Don’t do this-”

“I won’t,” Her voice comes out sure, steeled I might say if I wanted to sound like a pretentious prick. “Listen. I get it, I really do. I took some sensitive shit and used it agaisnt you, and now you’re in a place you’d never thought you’d be.”

“You said-”

“I’m exercising empathy right now, not picking you apart.”

That gives Amy some pause. “...It still feels wrong. I don’t think it ever will feel okay, talking to you”

“That’s a problem...” Lisa glanced sideways, I turned to see what she was looking at. There’s nothing there. “Because we’re gonna have to deal with each other, a lot. We’re gonna need to be able to communicate without thinking we’re going to fuck with each other’s head permanently.”

“...Yeah.” Amy looks back to me,I realize she’s been doing that a lot. It doesn’t take a genius to take what Amy’s trying to convey to me, even without saying a word.

I spoke

“I’m sorry that there’s no way around this,” Dissapointment, as expected. “And I’ve been where you are before, really. When I was still trying to impress my dad.”

No blood pressure rises this time, I was getting better at rolling with this.

“Lisa’s a good friend, she just did what she had to do so we could get out alive. She’s the reason I’m alive today, you can trust her...”

“You can trust her, but it’s okay if it’s too much to ask to be friends with her.”

More silence, unreadable expressions. Shit, had I fucked up?

“Okay,” Amy starts “Fuck me, guess there’s no way around it. I have to try at least, if we want everything to go as planned.”

Lisa’s smirk broadens a bit. “If it helps any, I look forward to having an actual conversation with you.”

Amy’s quiet..But then she manages a small, fake smile. “Yeah, me too.”

We wave our good byes, and Lisa leaves with a smile on her face. Amy and I are left to our home. 

There’s a period of time where we just sit in silence there, holding each other’s hand.

She’s the first to let go, which was weird to me. That was never the case.

“Do you want me to work on your power again?” She takes the initiative to ask first this time. The sound comes as pure sweetness to my ears. There was something addictive about the process, something soothing. I don’t think I could say no. 

“Yes,” It comes out way too eager. “Let’s.”

“I’ll be in your room. Don’t leave me waiting?” She spoke with the fear of someone who hated being alone. Again, I couldn’t say no.

It was quiet without her when she left. I’m not sure why I sat there for so long when I had my best friend waiting for me.

I noticed something in my hand, the one that hadn’t been holding onto Amy. A crumpled up paper, how did this get here?

I unfold it to find a note.

I read it.

[kendrixtermina]

I am convinced that a huge percentages of all those articles where ostensibly cishet female USA columnists go on about how they get next to nothing nothing out of vaginal penetration & regularly endure discomfort & pain  are in part caused by the prevalence of male cicumcision in the United States. 

Like I used to be confused by it to the point of wondering if I was deluding myself or something. Sure, it’s not the be all, end all, but generally i experienced intercourse as ...pleasant ? & only rarely encountered a dissapointing experiece.   And I read lots of naughty ffs by female authors where you get the distinct impression they like it too. 

I didn’t put two and two together until that one encounter where everything else was perfect in terms foreplay, conversation, makeout, chemistry, the guy’s appearance etc. but then the actual boinking did next to nothing & I had to stop it due to soreness before the guy came. It was like no sex at all exept now you’re sore & frustrated. 

That is just how it was though I feel kinda bad saying it this like in this crappy society that attaches self-worth for dudes to sexual experience, that sounds like I’m just insulting him or calling him a loser or something which is really NOT my intention. It’s not his fault, his parents decided it, and I certainly wouldnt want to come off like im insulting ppl’s religion or culture.  I really liked him but I never called him back because of how super duper awkward and depressing the whole fiasco was.

  Then I realized the the common denominator in a lot of inexplicable meh encounters was circumcision. 

But when I googled it there was statistics to back it up. Apparently the typical gap in t he receiving partner’s experience is like going from 8/10 on average to 1.5. A lot of the reported experiences where the same as mine:  there’s a conspicuous absense of most pleasure unless you hit certain specific  spots & discomfort & soreness can start within a few minutes. 

In fact the only time I had actually good P-in-V sex with a circumcised dude involved copious amounts of lube (we were using it because it was one of the first times I did it at all, to prevent pain/bleeding etc). 

So maybe in the future I’ll just have to do that & use lube every time. Why did no one tell me that? Worse, why did no one tell this to the dudes who will need this knowledge every time they have sex...

The basic gists of those articles like  “if doesn’t get you off for whatever reasons he should do extra stuff to make sure you’re happy too” and “You should never endure discomfort or pain out of politeness” are certainly still true & sexism & co certainly don’t help with it, but I feel like this is a factor that ppl should bear in mind that gets lost when ppl just chalk it up to to poor technique or uncaringness on the dude’s part.

Obviously those are sometimes the reason if even in countries where that isn’t common not everyone has perfect sex, but it might not be his fault. 

Maybe it should just become common knowledge/ettiquette that you should use lube in that case just like you do for butt stuff. 

It’s probably also a factor in condom use compliance & why dudes say they “feel nothing” since the procedure already reduces their sensitivity pre-condom (Safety & responsibility should obviously still go first )

Often when you say you don’t think it should be done on babies ppl think you’re against their religion but I’ve got nothing against you doing it for your religion when you’re old enough to understand both sex & religion. 

You should probably still use lube/ toys/oral, & be mindful not to go too hard on ppl’s orifices etc... But still. 

Lots of voluntary body modifications require some after care like making sure piercings don’t get infected or that tatooed skin is sensitive to sunburs etc. these days there is special tatoo sunscreen, and we’d all agree that if you tatoo or pierce someone without properly telling them the risks, or don’t educate them about such precautions you’re doing them a disservice...

[lunanoirre]

Episodes 6, 7, and 8

Episode 6 and 8 have my spotlight for this post, as 7 wasn’t really full of many things to talk about. The one thing of note about 7 (in my opinion) was seeing the focus shift to Sam for the ep, and that was great!

Now, onto the other 2.

I’ll start with 6, as I honestly have a little bit less to say when compared to 8. This episode is a great example of why I believe, that a group of people defending the ending are bullshit.

Now, despite not seeing any Supernatural episodes before any of this, I witnessed November 5th. I followed the tag until the finale was aired. While I was laughing at the memes and the utter CHAOS of the fanbase, I was seeing a small group of people defending the way this show ended. They were proposing that Spn had ended the way it started, with Sam as the focus. Some even suggested that this entire escapade is Sam’s story.

Now... I’m only on episode 9, but from what I’ve seen, this show SO FAR... is about Sam and Dean equally. I—...

When I got to episode 6, I hadn’t picked up on any real developments for Sam, for his past or present, but I had picked up on a LOT for Dean. The moments involving Sam bantering with the Shapeshifter, were a really clever way to (potentially, as I’m not 100% sure if the creature actually was reading Dean’s thoughts) explain some of Dean’s insecurities, when we know that he would never do so himself.

At this point, I still hadn’t really picked much up about Sam at all, aside from his immense guilt for the death of his girlfriend. And that sort of thing is obvious. Meanwhile, Dean... he’s been explained much more by this point, which doesn’t really make too much sense?? Sam appears to be the more honest and openly sensitive of the two, so why wouldn’t he be given more characterization in the first five episodes? All I had really learned about Sam by this point was that he is... very good with traumatized women, lol.

Sam’s lack of deep dives into his brain ended with episode 8, though, and I... am kinda mad at it?

I mean, throughout most of this episode, I wanted to smack Dean, TBH. That whole “respect your family over everything” rhetoric SERIOUSLY HURTS people, and I found myself truly empathizing with Sam’s plight regarding their dad.

I mean, his retort to Dean about their dad’s sEcReT fOnDnEsS when it came to Sam really punched me in the gut:

“Then why didn’t he tell me any of this?”

THAT’S A VALID POINT!

Love doesn’t really matter, if it is not reciprocated and seen by BOTH parties!!! Their dad could have loved and cherished Sam more than anything else in the world, but since Sam only saw dissapointment and scorn directed at how he wanted to live his life, I seriously cannot blame him for being under the impression that his dad didn’t love him.

But! My anger at Dean did not last long, as it clicked with me very quickly when I was given the chance to directly compare the boys’ tactics when it comes to problem solving.

So far, it seems as if Dean’s only their dad’s star child because he learned how to hide and lie.

And suddenly I saw two responses to the same trauma.

Sam’s anger and hurt at perceiving a neglectful and paranoid father, and Dean’s jealousy of Sam’s ability to break away from their father’s teachings. The reason why Dean has no one aside from family right this moment, is because he gave up everything to devote himself to spending time with his dad, learning from him, and adopting/mimicking his paranoia.

Of COURSE Dean sees blood family as gold no matter what, that is all he was forced to want.

From what I’m seeing, Mr. John Winchester hurt his children in two distinct, opposite ways. Causing one to completely pull away and escape to normalcy, and the other to become completely dependent and opposed toward the idea of a healthy life.

Capping off this long-winded analysis:

I hated that the Sam/John parallel when it came to the bug kid and his dad.

Having the kid be TRAUMATIZED out of his ostracizing hobby so he could finally be liked by his dad was the WORST move... And seeing Sam come to the conclusion that he must apologize to John made me want to scream.

It’s either a really toxic message, or it’s actually a genius parallel of DEAN’s trauma and relationship with their dad.

oh. And... ew?

this episode had a wincest joke?

The... same one, twice.

IT WAS FUNNY... until I remembered that it’s actually a popular ship....

Anyway, this rage just makes me more excited to continue! It shows that I’m already attached to these boys, lol.

[thatwasnotsupposedtohappen]

your skwisgaar impression especially entertains me immensely and i feel like you have a really good grasp on the type of character banter that happens in the show 🥺 your skits with the band and charles are so cute.

out of curiosity (and i'm sure someone's gonna ask at some point), do you ever think you're gonna try your hand at impressions of characters like the metal masked assassin or magnus hammersmith? also, do you (or your girlfriend) have any metalocalypse ships or artists you particularly like?

it's always nice to see more people in the fandom bringing new fun stuff to the table, so i hope you enjoy yourself 😊

Aww, thanks for the comment, first of all! Prepare for a list of dissapointments following that though ;P I might try Magnus but I’m not sure there’s enough content of him talking out there for me to learn how to do his voice properly. As for the assassin, he’s likely too deep and growly for me to learn considering he’s voiced by a star guest known for his especially good deathgrowl. I could still try my best, doubt that’s gonna go far though lol. Surprisingly enough, I myself am not that huge on shipping canon characters most of the time, although when it comes to fanart anything with Charles, Nathan or Pickles in it gets my instant thumbs up. I really just like those boys a lot. I know... not a single Metalocalypse fanart artist by name. I’ve only looked at a few handfuls of images to begin with, I’m mostly just in it for the show itself and the funny voices, and then the musical which slaps way too hard. As this kinda Tumblr thing goes on I might get far more into it, but for now I’m just one big fraud con artist in Tumblr hell.