#i am so extremely heartbroken over this

[ihavetoomuchhomeworkforthis]

So I found this on Google, and I accidentally ended up having a megabrainstorm session with my dad about if Vulcans were actually photosynthetic, or really just how photosynthetic humanoids would work in general and how they'd function on a Starfleet ship? It was more like me ranting excitedly at my dad for a few minutes, but there were some cool ideas in there. (I mean I think they're cool, hopefully you guys do too)

Warning: EXTREMELY long (and nerdy) bullet point list follows under the cut

green skin because chlorophyll

possibly even leafy skin, which might end up looking more like scales, but with patches of softer more leaf-like areas where we'd have more body fat and/or body hair

(they can still have that Vulcan hair though, since it's sort of a defining trait/style of the species in Star trek)

This means they have to absorb sunlight through their skin, and convert it into energy in the form of glucose, like trees

Therefore they'd have to have glucose (not copper) based blood (but the melting point of sugar is really high? Hadn't quite worked that part out)

Their blood would be white then? Amber, like tree sap. Wait actually don't some flowers/green stemmed things have white sap in the stems? (Maybe their blood would change from white to amber as they age? I know flowers aren't younger versions of trees, but it would be cool)

and they'd have to drink water just as much as humans because plants need water (as Chekhov is panicking about) but maybe since Chekhov is worried about "watering" spock, their hair can function like roots or something to soak up extra water as well. Idk if it rains much on Vulcan but when it did they'd all be going outside like the worms do on Earth lol

They wouldn't really have to eat if sunlight is their primary energy source. Their mouth would be just for water, breathing, and speaking. In which case they'd have ALL different organ systems, seeing as our digestive system takes up a good chunk of space in the torso, what would they fill it with? Being humanoid, they'd still need lungs, as well as a heart to circulate the (glucose based?) blood. They can still have a liver as a toxin filter and whatever else livers do (trees have to deal with not-so-clean water, so the photosynthetic Vulcans could probably deal with pretty muddy/questionable water as well. And maybe that connects to a very basic digestive system (liver-filters > short and singular intestine > rectum) which is mostly just for getting rid of the mud (yes, pooping.) And the liver can also deal with dusty/sandy air probably. Oh they might not need to eat (maybe even CAN'T eat since they wouldn't need or have the organs to deal with it) but they could drink liquids other than water, and it might be helpful/necessary to drink sugary fruit drinks if it's been cloudy for a few days, because humanoids expend a LOT more energy than plants probably do. They probably have a "stomach" which acts as a storage and distribution-into-bloodstream area for water and sugar, a little like how a camel's hump works, so it might not only be "OMG did anyone water Spock today!?" But also "OMG Spock fainted, somebody get him fruit juice!" *frantic running to the mess hall* *20 ccs of sugar* "I told you to drink more sugary stuff, our artificial light here just can't give you as much energy as your THREE ENTIRE SUNS back home, you ****ing idiotic hobgoblin!" *definitely not crying over Spock's wellbeing*

Idk what would make up the rest of their torso since they don't need as much space for organs. Heart, lungs, liver, one intestine + waste management, storage stomach, and the rest of ours is primarily taken over by about 15 feet of scrunched intestines, so maybe for them it's all leg, or they could maybe have a redundant extra pair of lungs, and/or another heart, especially to lessen the workload since tree sap is significantly thicker than human blood? Or maybe all the water would thin it out? Or one heart is more connected to the skin where they absorb light energy and cycles the glucose-based blood (which goes from white to amber as they grow up) and the other heart connects more to the water/fruit juice storage stomach and cycles water as well as somehow sends old water off to get peed out? And they should also have an organ that somehow counters sunburn and helps then deal with their world's elevated levels of radiation.

So: two pairs of lungs (for no real reason), two hearts (and two circulatory systems?), one for water and one that's more for the nutrients of glucose from sunlight, a storage stomach, a liver, an organ that deals with radiation and sunburn, a short intestine for the undrinkable parts of potentially muddy/contaminated water, the rectum to poop out the mud, the kidneys/bladder/urinary system for old water, and I think that's it.

I've been occasionally researching (googling) during the process of writing this, and I found that trees actually do have 2 different kinds of sap! Phloem is the "more nutrient rich form, and flows from the leaves bringing sugars and hormones to nutrient-hungry parts of the plant," while Xylem "consists mostly of water" so it's perfectly reasonable for them to have 2 hearts, one for each kind!

But how can we design starships to be more Vulcan-friendly then, if they need so much light? Well first of all, having sugar as an option for hyposprays in the medbay/sickbay, as well as plenty of sugary drinks available in the replicators, and the sugary fruit drinks shouldn't "cost" as much in rations since the Vulcans sort of need it as much as they need water when they aren't able to access direct sunlight. Speaking of which, all the hallways should have strips of light off to the side (one on the floor and another shining down from the ceiling above it) that the Vulcan crewmembers can walk through, and there should be a solarium room which does its best to replicate at least the lighting and radiation conditions of Vulcan (the planet). This solarium should have the light panels be able to slide away to reveal actual windows, and starships with any Vulcans in their crew should be required to spend a minimum amount of time every so often in orbit of an actual sun or star system so that the Vulcans can have genuine sunlight. It would be really funny if Spock just had a spotlight that follows him around like Olaf's snow cloud in Frozen, but it would be more practical if his station on the bridge just had extra light panels which are positioned in some way so as not to shine in his eyes. Also, this photosynthesis sort of depends on their skin actually being exposed to light, so the uniform would probably be modified for Vulcans to be short sleeves and shorts despite how weird that would be, or it would be designed like tinted glass somehow, or... some other way of letting the light in without being immodest, idk

And now for a very important question: some trees are deciduous, yes? Oh dang it I just googled whether Vulcan has seasons and the answer was no. Scrolling down pointed out that Vulcan is a desert planet and so they'd naturally be able to go without water for longer periods of time than humans. That second one is okay, that's why they have a water storage organ sort of like camels, and I guess maybe they wouldn't need so much water after all. More like cacti than trees. But the no axis tilt / no seasons thing sort of cancels out what I was about to write :(

I'll write it anyway. Let's pretend for a second that Vulcan has seasons, because this whole thing can really apply to "photosynthetic humanoids" in general, not just photosynthetic Vulcans in particular. So, I was about to talk about deciduous trees :) When the seasons shift towards winter, the sunlight is weaker, trees go red before losing their leaves and sort of hibernating, right? Well what if Vulcans start going pale, then yellowy, and eventually taking on a pale reddish hue, and since they can't lose their skin to conserve energy, they consume as much sugar/fruit juice as they can over a period of a few weeks, before going into hibernation like bears?

This means that your Vulcan crewmate is kind of useless for at least a quarter of every year, which isn't really a problem unless they're a senior officer, but if they ARE a senior officer, they better have an apprentice or someone who can cover for them while they hibernate. Maybe another Vulcan from the opposite side of the planet, who would naturally hibernate during the opposite half of the year.

Would this Vulcan and their opposite-side-of-the-planet counterpart be best friends, or bitter rivals? Who knows!

Now, starships do not actually have seasons, so the hibernation cycle wouldn't be technically necessary. The Vulcan has two options: either slowly adjust to the year-round availability of sunlight over a period of multiple years so that they don't have to abandon their crew for a few months out of every year (and be SEVERELY messed up if they ever retire and go back to the hypothetical version of Vulcan which has seasons), OR, make sure that the availability of light mimics the seasonal cycle of pretend-Vulcan-with-seasons so that they can have their hibernation cycle properly. (Clearly the better option if they aren't a senior officer, especially if they don't plan to spend the rest of their life on the ship.)

Also it would be really cute to see what kind of pillow fort nest Spock would probably end up making in his quarters to hibernate in. I wonder if they'd visit him.

DO NOT WAKE THE HIBERNATING SPOCK. Google says waking up an animal from hibernation too early can have fatal consequences. On the other hand, it also said bears can wake themselves up immediately to protect cubs if necessary or if they're startled awake, so maybe he can respond to red alerts. However going based off the first point, it might be necessary to completely soundproof his quarters and make sure he remains undisturbed. And yet another possibility is that photosynthetic Vulcans wouldn't need to hibernate at all if they come from a part of the planet which is mostly friendly year-round (which would technically be true, since it doesn't actually have seasons at all, and they would choose to have civilizations in the most habitable areas. Maybe civilizations closer to the poles would have Vulcans that are naturally paler or more reddish, like how the Aenar on the Andorian homeworld are blind and paler.)

Animals coming out of hibernation can have lost up to 30% of their body weight (over a QUARTER), so Vulcans coming out of hibernation would look so sick and weak, and they'd probably take a while to get their full green color back, and the more soft leafy areas of higher body fat would have shriveled into just the small scale-like leaves that make up the majority of their skin, and their uniforms would be all baggy on them, and the human crew would probably be so so so worried for them, especially the first few hibernation cycles

*Spock stumbles onto the bridge for the first time in several months, pale orange-red and extremely skinny* "Oh my god, Spock!" (overjoyed at his return) -- "Oh my god Spock you look like crap, are you alright?" (softer and full of concern upon actually noticing what he looks like) -- "This is perfectly normal, I'll be fine, you need me on du-" *faints*

[robertsbarbie]

my brother: probably is going through the worst thing he’s ever been through in his entire life

me: how can i make this about myself and my sadness

[strawbebyjam]

realized i am uncomfortable admitting to people close to me if i’m feeling pain on more than one dimension GDJDHDH

[serpentandlily]

Lost in a Labyrinth - Azriel x Reader

Lost in a Labyrinth Part II - Azriel x Reader

Summary: Lonely and heartbroken after his near kiss with Elain, Azriel finds himself at the door to the most exclusive pleasure house in Hewn City, The Labyrinth, taking Rhysand’s cruel advice. What he expected to find was a pretty girl to warm a bed with him for a single night. But instead he finds something he never thought existed—his mate. A mate that is tangled up in something far more sinister than he could ever imagine. 

Warnings: smut (minors dni), reader is a prostitute, uncomfortable situations (nothing extreme)

a/n: thanks for all the love on the first part! Hope y'all like this one just as much!

➻❥ Part I

───  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅  ───

Part II

───  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅  ───

“You look well rested.”

Cashmere winked at you from her seat in front of her vanity. She was brushing out her long hair, getting ready for the evening. You let out a sigh and plopped down at your own vanity in the dressing room. 

“I am,” you replied. “Someone bought out all my nights this month but no one’s shown up. It’s…strange, don’t you think?”

Cashmere shrugged, going back to looking at her reflection in the mirror. “Seems to me like you’ve got yourself a secret admirer.”

You began putting on your makeup for the night, not that you’d have any clients. But you were still expected to be in the Courtyard for a bit. “Secret, maybe, but they're definitely not an admirer. If they were, why wouldn’t they come get what they paid for?”

“Some of these Lords just throw their money around to impress us. I wouldn’t think too much about it, Serenity,” Cashmere said. You fought the urge to cringe at the fake name. “Consider it a vacation of sorts.” 

“Until Lydia finds out,” you snorted. “Then she’ll probably double book me.” 

“Just rub some kohl under your eyes,” Cashmere suggested. “Make it look like you’re still having sleepless nights like the rest of us.” 

“Not a bad idea.”

More girls walked in and you fell silent. Telling Cashmere about your current situation was one thing. You trusted her as a friend. But some of the other girls would likely pass on the information to Lydia and that’s the last thing you wanted. 

You finished your makeup before shrugging on a new lingerie set with a dark pink silk robe over it. You followed the girls to the Courtyard, ready to perform your nightly duties so you could retire back to your room for another peaceful night alone thanks to your mysterious donor. 

───  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅  ───

Your vacation was short lived because the next day, Keir showed up and requested sixteen specific girls, your name included, for a party that was being hosted in Hewn City with some elite nobles. Even the High Lord and Lady would be present apparently. Not that you’d be allowed to approach them. Every time you worked these kinds of events, all the girls were given strict instructions on how to dress, what to wear, and what Lords to entertain. 

A dress was waiting for you in the dressing room. It was a long black dress that fell to the floor with two slits on the side to show off your legs. It was backless with a few thin straps that criss crossed on your lower back. Sitting beneath it was a pair of silver heels and on your vanity sat a matching silver jewelry set. 

You had to forgo your bra for the dress, likely the reason it was chosen. You did a sultry smokey eye and dark red lip for your makeup before you pinned your hair into a pretty updo to show off the back of the dress. 

By the time you were finished getting ready, the other girls were too. It wasn’t long before you were being led into the throne room. During parties like this, only the elite and those invited had access to this room in the castle. 

The ebony floors were polished, the carved pillars spanning so high you could hardly see where they connected to the ceiling. Various nobles mingled together, sitting on settees, smoking cigars, with glasses of wine and whiskey in their hands. 

The High Lord and Lady sat on their thrones on top of the dais at the front of the expansive room, dressed finely in all black with their crowns on their heads. Standing next to the High Lord was the General, the big, brutish Illyrian. Next to the High Lady stood the Shadowsinger, his eyes scanning the room. You’d seen the Shadowsinger plenty of times during the occasional trips your High Lord and Lady made to Hewn City. But that night he had walked through your doors in The Labyrinth, you had been taken aback by how beautiful he was. 

Memories of your night with him flashed through your head and you tried to fight off the blush and heat that started coursing through your body. Azriel had been a generous lover. Far more generous than your other clients, that’s for sure. He had actually cared about your pleasure. Not to mention he was the hottest male to walk through your doors.

It was a pity that he had disappeared so quickly and never returned.

“Alright, girls, you know what to do,” Lydia hissed at the group of you. “Do not embarrass me. Anyone who steps out of line will receive a new mark.” 

That was the last thing you wanted to do. You looked down at your hand, at the small tattoo on the inside of your ring finger. You only had two more marks left. Two marks and then freedom would be yours. 

You started mingling with the various Lords, pretending to eagerly listen to them brag about the most mundane things like their latest hunt or new investments. Servants meandered around, filling wine and whiskey glasses. 

When you were younger, you had accepted them like most of the other girls. Having a little alcohol in you always made the night easier. But you were going to steer clear of it—not wanting to jeopardize your progress with Lord Keir and Lydia. 

You started making your way towards the front of the room. You had to steer clear of the High Lord and Lady but the wealthier and more important males always sat near the front. And if you caught the attention of someone Keir wanted gone, that would be just an extra bonus to the money you’d be making off them. 

You were used to eyes trailing after you everywhere you went, but something else was tugging on your senses, making you feel not like you were being ogled at like always but watched. 

Your eyes darted around until they landed on a familiar pair of hazel ones. Azriel hadn’t moved a single step from his post but his eyes were on you. Your steps faltered for a second, taken aback by how intense his stare was. 

Was he scared that you would out him? Address him in front of his High Lord? He should know that you couldn’t. The same way he couldn’t mention anything that took place in the Labyrinth. 

Your name being called shook you from your thoughts. 

Your attention was pulled to a handsome male with long, white hair that matched his equally pale skin. Lord Thanatos’s golden eyes were running up and down your body as he sat sprawled in an armchair like it was the High Lord’s throne. He beckoned you to him with two fingers. 

Your heart dropped to your stomach as you had no other choice but to go to him. He was your least favorite client but he had a weird obsession with you. It was rare for him to choose any other girl in The Labyrinth besides you. You gave him a seductive smile, slipping into your role for the night. “How may I help you, my Lord?”

You let out a small gasp as he latched onto your wrist and pulled you onto his lap. The Lords around him all snickered. He brushed your hair to one side before whispering in your ear, “You’re going to be helping me a lot tonight, sweetheart.” 

Your insides shriveled up. Lord Thanatos was your least favorite client because of how rough he was with you. But he paid a lot of money so Lydia and the guards often looked the other way, only sending a healer into your room once he left. 

“I’m looking forward to it, my Lord,” you purred, resting a hand on his chest. You weren’t, of course. Not even because of the pain he’d inflict on you but more so because Lord Thanatos was Keir’s secondhand man and closest confidant. Which meant those two lines tattooed on your finger would still be there when you woke up tomorrow morning. 

Lord Thanatos went back to chatting with the various nobles seated on the couches and settees around him. If it wasn’t for his wandering hands on your body, you would’ve thought he was ignoring you. His hardening cock that was pressing into your backside had you shifting as much as you could to his thigh. You glanced around the room only to find Azriel’s eyes still on you. His fists were clenched, his face frozen with a hint of anger. Anger and something else that seemed suspiciously like longing. 

You shifted again in Lord Thanatos’s lap for an entirely different reason now. 

Cashmere happened to be walking by when Lord Thanatos grabbed onto her wrist and yanked her down to sit on his other thigh, forcing the two of you to share the small space. 

She giggled. “Two of us? Don’t tell me you’re getting greedy, my Lord.” 

You exchanged a small look with her. It didn’t happen often but sometimes clients wanted to take two girls at once. You preferred when you were chosen along with Cashmere, because you two were close friends which made it less awkward. 

“I think Serenity wants someone to play with,” he smirked, his thumb brushing the underside of your breast. “Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” 

“Anything for you, my Lord,” you smiled. “You know how much I love to please you.” 

He leaned back in his chair and tossed his arms behind his head like he commanded the room. “Go on then. Kiss.” 

You glanced at Cashmere who gave you a dip of the head so you reached forward and hooked some of her ginger hair behind her pointed ear before kissing her lightly. She tasted like cherry wine. You pulled back after a second and for some reason, your eyes caught Azriel’s. He was closer now, leaning on a pillar, wreathed in shadows—watching. He twirled his dagger in his hand with ease. 

“Oh come on, Serenity. Don’t play coy,” Thanatos laughed. “I know that mouth can do better than that.” 

Cashmere grabbed your face lightly, her eyes shining with a look that urged you on. You kissed her properly this time, caressing her face. This time the two of you gave the Lord what he wanted. But you could feel Azriel’s overwhelming stare still on you. 

It wasn’t until your lips were swollen and you were panting that you finally let up. You could feel your lipstick smeared all over and wiped it with your hand. 

“Oh, she’s made such a mess of me, my Lord,” you pouted. “Will you excuse me so I can fix myself up?”

“Sure, sweetheart,” he said, pulling Cashmere closer to him. “But don’t keep us waiting.” 

“Of course,” you said with a nod, rising from his lap. 

When you glanced at the pillar Azriel had been leaning on, he was still staring. It was a bit unnerving. You let out a shaky breath and quickly hurried out of the throne room and into one of the bathing chambers down the corridor. You rested your hands on the edge of the sink, staring down at the basin. You just needed a breather. Just a second to collect yourself. 

Not a moment later, you felt a prickling sensation on your skin and the hairs on the back of your neck rose. Your head shot up and you left out a gasp as your eyes met a pair of hazel ones in your reflection. 

Azriel stood behind you, his shadows swarming him. 

You whirled around, backing into the sink. 

“What are you doing here!” 

Azriel took a step forward, out of the darkness. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he stated in a low voice that had goosebumps rising on your skin. 

You crossed your arms, staring up at him entirely confused both by his appearance in the bathroom of all places and his remark. “Shouldn’t be where? In the bathroom?”

“No,” he growled, stepping closer. “You shouldn’t be here, at this party.”

“What do you mean? You know what I am. We were hired—” You cut yourself off as you had a realization. “It was you, wasn’t it? The one who booked up all my nights?” 

Azriel said nothing, gave no reaction other than his large wings twitching. You swallowed thickly and turned back around, away from his daunting stare, finding it easier to stare at him through the reflection on the mirror. You summoned your small clutch with some magic before pulling out your tube of lipstick. 

“Look, Azriel,” you began, starting to apply your lipstick. “You’re not the first male to feel ashamed after sleeping with me. If you’re doing this to absolve yourself from whatever guilt you have, consider it forgiven.”

Azriel stepped closer, his face darkening. “I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood my actions. I do not feel ashamed because I slept with you, angel. I’m ashamed that I made you sleep with me.” 

You shoved your lipstick back in your purse, turning around to face him. “You didn’t make me do anything. I knew what this job entailed when I signed up for it, okay?”

“But is it…is it what you want?” 

You shrugged your shoulders. “I can’t say it’s been a dream of mine. But it's a hell of a lot better than being sold off to some male and having all my freedoms taken away.”

Azriel ran a hand through his dark hair, tousling it. “Those shouldn’t be your only two choices.”

“Well, take that up with our High Lord, Azriel, I don’t know what to tell you,” you sighed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, my client is waiting—”

You went to brush past Azriel to the door but he grabbed your wrist to stop you.

“Don’t,” he breathed, “Don’t go. I know you don’t want to be with him. I could see it in your eyes.”

“I don’t have a choice, Azriel,” you snapped, trying to pull your wrist free. “So let me go.” 

“Sounds like you’ve already had all your freedoms taken away,” he bit back, his grip unrelenting. 

“You know nothing,” you argued. “If this is the one thing I have to sacrifice to keep all my other ones, then so be it. Besides, I’m almost—”

You cut yourself off, cursing in your head at your slip-up. No one could know about the deals the girls at The Labyrinth had with Keir. If word got out because of you…

“Almost what? What were you going to say?”

Azriel’s eyes were pleading with you, like he was hanging off every word that came out of your mouth. You let out a shaky breath and shook your head. “Nothing. Nothing, forget it. Now, please let me go. You’re going to get me in trouble with Lydia.” 

You tried to leave again but Azriel pulled you back. “I can’t stand to see you look so miserable with him. Please, let me help you. I paid for you tonight; I’ll go tell Lydia that I’m taking you back to the—”

“She won’t care. She’s just going to give you your money back,” you cut in. “Lord Thanatos pays a lot of money to have me. More than whatever you gave her.” 

“Then I’ll pay twice as much as him,” Azriel stressed. “Or whatever I have to in order to make sure he doesn’t end up in your bed tonight.” 

“I take my orders from Lydia. What she says goes.” 

“Fine, give me five minutes,” Azriel said with heavy resolve. “Just avoid him for now and I’ll sort it out.” 

You looked at him closely. “Why do you care?” 

“Don’t…don’t ask me that,” Azriel murmured before he disappeared in a whirl of shadows, leaving you stunned and confused. 

You left the bathroom finally, making your way back to the throne room. Your mind was screaming at you to go back to Lord Thanatos before you got in major trouble, but something else in you wanted to listen to Azriel. You had no idea why. You grabbed a champagne flute off a tray from a server and made yourself look busy near a pillar that concealed you from Lord Thanatos’s view. 

Five minutes passed and you were beginning to lose faith in Azriel, resigning yourself to the night with Thanatos when he stepped out of the shadows behind you. You let out a gasp of fright, spilling your full glass of champagne. Azriel grabbed the empty glass from your hand and set it on a table before taking your hand in his and guiding you away from the pillar. 

“I sorted it out,” he whispered under his breath to you. “But Lydia seemed…suspicious of my interest in you.”

“What do you mean?” You hissed back.

“She’s wary of you being a spy for the High Lord,” Azriel answered, quickly. 

You held back a laugh at that. “Then I guess we’ll have to make her think you’re interested in me for…other reasons.”

Azriel stopped and pulled you close to him, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “Don’t get me wrong, angel. I am interested in you for all those other reasons, too.” 

A chill skittered down your spine and you looked up at him with a coy smile. “Good, that’ll make this easier than.” 

“Make what easier?”

“The show we’re going to put on for her,” you whispered.

Azriel’s cheeks turned a bit pink and you just knew you were going to have fun with him. 

───  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅  ───

Azriel found an armchair next to some empty couches in clearsight of Lydia and sat down, spreading his legs apart in invitation and patting his thigh. His face was unreadable as you sat in his lap, tossing an arm around his neck and throwing your legs over his thigh, leaving them to dangle. He placed an arm around your waist, his hand lying flat on your stomach, and pulled you closer to him. 

Azriel leaned in, whispering, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“You won’t,” you replied, honestly. 

His eyes searched yours for a second before he nodded. You placed a hand on his chest, running your fingers over his leathers. “Aren’t these a little constricting?” 

His throat bobbed as he swallowed harshly. “I’m used to them.” 

You hummed, your eyes darting towards Lydia to see her watching the two of you. “Well, I much prefer you out of them, shadowsinger.” 

Your words had their desired effect. Azriel’s chest rumbled with a quiet growl, his hand caressing your waist. You giggled, pressing a few kisses to his jaw. His scent of cedar and night-chilled mist seemed to envelope you. He gripped your dress in his fist, his entire body tense. 

“Tell me something about yourself,” he whispered, lowly. “Anything.” 

“What do you want to know?” 

Azriel nudged his head into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply. His breath ghosted over your skin, causing goosebumps to spread. “Something real.”

You were never very forthcoming with your clients, always keeping your personal details secret and making up stories and lies to feed their curiosity. But something made you not want to lie to Azriel. 

“My name is Y/n,” you started, shifting closer to him so no one else could overhear anything said. His hand that was on your waist slipped to the exposed skin on your back, his fingers lazily trailing up and down. “I was born to a low-ranking noble and his bitch of a wife, my mother. I was going to be sold off like cattle to some Lord who had already gone through three wives—you can guess what happened to them—but my friend, the one you saw me with earlier, helped me escape.” 

Azriel’s grip on you tightened, pulling you flush against his hard chest. You melted into the heat of his body, the thin dress you had on did nothing to keep you warm. The hand that was on your back slipped to your thigh, parting your skirt so he could touch your smooth skin. Your heart jumped in your chest.

“Tell me their names,” Azriel growled into your ear. “Tell me their names and consider them gone.” 

You laughed, darkly, twisting your arm around his neck to stroke the hairs at his nape. “No need for that. They’ve been…taken care of.” 

Azriel’s other hand drifted up to your throat, grasping it lightly and tilting your head back so he could pepper his own kisses along your jaw and neck. Your breath hitched and you found yourself grinding down on him, gasping as you felt his hardening cock. Suddenly, none of this was pretend. Had it even been pretend in the first place? No…no, it hadn’t. You had been burning and burning for him since the night he had stepped into your room. 

“I’m sorry—” 

You turned to look at him and kissed him firmly before he could finish his sentence. He groaned as your lips met his and you pulled away entirely too soon, lingering only centimeters away. 

“I’m not,” you purred.

Whatever resolve Azriel seemed to have, whatever dignity of yours he was trying to preserve, all of it was forgotten in the moment. He lurched forward and kissed you again, his hand on your throat angling your head to his liking—the rings on his fingers were cold against your heated skin. You moaned at the feeling of his soft lips, at the taste of him. 

His tongue swiped your bottom lip and you gave into the subtle request, parting your lips for him and deepening the kiss. The hand that had been rubbing circles on your thigh slipped dangerously close to the place between your legs that seemed to be begging for him. You’d never been so turned on in your life. The thrill of knowing eyes were on you and the feeling of Azriel consuming you caused your brain to numb all thoughts. 

His hand on your throat slipped down your side, his knuckles running along the side of your breast. You arched into his touch with a mewl and he answered with a small huff, his wings twitching. Meanwhile his tongue was still exploring every inch of your mouth, claiming you in a way that had you throbbing in his lap. 

Azriel pulled away, leaving you panting for air as he began to trail kisses down your jaw and neck again. His wandering hand landed flat against your stomach, pushing you farther into him until you were flush against his body, your legs falling open to either side of his thigh. Your half-opened eyes darted around the room. 

It seems Lydia had lost interest in the two of you but another set of eyes were on you. 

“The High Lord’s watching,” you murmured as he tugged on your earlobe with his teeth. 

“I don’t care,” Azriel growled, his mouth moving to nibble on the delicate skin of your throat.

“He’s not going to get mad that you're allowing yourself to be seen with Hewn City scum?” 

“Fuck him,” he snarled, biting down on your skin and causing you to gasp. He soothed the mark with his tongue before kissing his way up to your mouth again. “Stop talking about another male while you're sitting in my lap.” 

“Yes, sir,” you smirked before he kissed you again, his hips thrusting up into your backside. You groaned, your core rubbing against his thigh with his movement and causing a strike of lightning to flash through your body. The need for him was overwhelming. You’d never felt this way towards anyone. 

His hand drifted higher on your thigh, until his thumb traced the inner junction between your thigh and hip and felt the wetness that had started to spread there. A small whine came from the back of his throat that had butterflies fluttering in the pit of your stomach. You pulled away from his kiss to stare up at him with lust filled eyes, his own full of hunger and craving. 

“Azriel?”

“Yes, angel?” 

“Get us out of here.” 

Azriel didn’t need to be told twice. His shadows engulfed the two of you and transported you to your room in The Labyrinth. You were on your knees before him not even a second later, overcome with the need to taste him, to touch him, to devour him whole. You pulled at the laces on his pants, your fingers working quickly. Azriel’s hand slipped into your hair, fisting your locks in between his fingers. 

“Angel, you don’t have to—”

“Azriel,” you cut him off, staring up at him with hazy eyes. “Shut the fuck up.” 

Before he could reply, you yanked his pants down causing his large member to spring up, already hard and leaking. You nearly groaned at the sight. He was so big, so big and thick. You leaned forward and pressed a kiss against the head of his cock and he hissed, his fists tightening in your hair. 

You stared up at him as you took his cock in your hand and licked up his entire length. He let out a loud moan, tossing his head back at the pleasure. You smiled at the sight, your other hand sliding down your body between your legs, hoping to relieve some of the throbbing.

But Azriel growled and yanked your head back.

“Don’t you dare touch yourself,” Azriel commanded. “Only I get to touch you there.” 

If it had been any other male saying those words, you would’ve laughed in their face. But it coming out of Azriel’s mouth only made your throbbing intensify. You whined, but listened, grasping his cock with both hands and finally taking him in your mouth. 

“Fuck,” Azriel hissed, guiding your movement with his hand in your hair. “Fuck, your mouth feels so good.” 

Your thighs rubbed together at his praise and you continued to bob your head back and forth, swirling your tongue under his cock and running it along his veins. His hips began to thrust in time with your movement, his hand guiding you to take more and more of him in your mouth until he was fucking your face. 

“You’re taking me so well,” he moaned, thrusting into your mouth. “Good girl.” 

You choked, tears beginning to slide down your cheeks. Normally you would hate a client treating you like this but with Azriel it felt different. Maybe because his rough taking of you was coupled with small words of praise and encouragement, urging you on.

“Just like that,” he groaned. “Fuck, angel, you look so pretty with your lips around my cock.” 

You whimpered, taking more of him until his cock was hitting the back of your throat. Your hands jerked the part of him you couldn’t take because of his unbelievable size. His groans and growls kept you going, kept the fire between your thighs burning. You needed him more than you needed air. 

Azriel yanked you away from his cock by your hair and you whined at the loss of contact. He pulled you up off the floor, his eyes nearly black with lust. “Take off your dress,” he ordered. 

You maintained eye contact with him as you quickly stripped yourself before him. The air around the two of you was intense, the need for one another so tangible. In this moment, you weren’t Serenity, the prostitute who worked here. But Y/n. The girl underneath the mask. 

“Get on the bed,” he demanded. “On your knees.” 

You scurried to the bed, doing as he asked. You were entirely exposed to him in this position, your arousal dripping down your leg. You could hear him taking off the rest of his leathers and waiting in anticipation until his hands fell on your hips, rubbing them softly. 

“Gods, you are so beautiful,” he murmured, one hand trailing up your back and gently moving your hair to one side so he could see your face. His cock rubbed against your folds, gathering your wetness. “Fuck and so ready for me.” 

“Azriel, please,” you begged. You could feel yourself gripping around nothing, needing to be filled by him and him only. 

“One day, I’m going to worship your entire body,” he grunted. “But I need you, angel. I need you right now.” 

“Please,” you begged again. “Take me. I’m yours.” 

Azriel slammed into you so quickly, it knocked the breath from your lungs. You moaned at the feel of him, at being stretched so thoroughly. He waited a moment, his breathing labored, allowing you to adjust before he slid back out and roughly thrust back in. 

“Say it again,” he growled, taking a brutal pace, slamming into you over and over again. 

You whimpered, “I’m yours.” 

“Again,” he snarled, his pounding into you causing the whole bed to shake. 

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head at the intense pleasure. Your whole body was tingling at his touch, at his words. “I’m yours, Azriel. I’m yours.” 

One hand stayed on your hip to help keep you in place while the other slithered up your back and into your hair, fisting it again. He pulled your head back, exposing your neck as he drilled into you. Your back arched as you cried out at the feeling. You had already been so turned on, your orgasm was quickly building. 

“More,” you groaned. “More, Azriel, please.”

He growled and yanked you up by your hair, pulling your body flush against his. The new angle felt deeper, his cock brutally hitting you in that sweet spot that had you seeing stars. His hand traveled from your waist to your breasts, squeezing and caressing them. Your head fell back against his shoulder as your body arched into his touch. 

He released your hair to rub circles on your clit, leaving you both breathless and screaming. 

Your body was entirely his in this moment. He controlled every ounce of your pleasure, every cry that came from your lips. You had never reveled in giving yourself up like this before. Not until Azriel came. 

“Azriel…I’m gonna….I’m gonna,” you panted, the lewd noise of skin smacking together the only other sound in the room.  

“Be a good girl and cum for me angel,” he whispered, huskily, in your ear. 

His words pushed you over the edge and your orgasm slammed into you. Your entire body clenched around him as waves and waves of pleasure crested through you. Your vision went white hot with it. Azriel’s name fell from your lips like a Devil’s prayer. 

“Fuck,” he hissed, fucking you through your orgasm. Until you finally came down from your high, your body slumping in his hold. He let you fall to the soft bed, your face smashing against the cushions as he held you up by your hips. His rhythm became desperate, feral until he finally came, burying himself in you with a loud growl. 

You were both still panting as he slid out of you with a hiss and fell to the bed next to you. He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled your body on top of his, letting his wings stretch out. You laid a cheek on his chest, feeling safe as he wrapped both arms around you. 

“Don’t leave this time,” you whispered. 

Azriel kissed the top of your head. “I won’t.”

───  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅  ───

Three days later, you were sitting in Lydia’s office, your nightgown covered in blood, a numb look on your face. Keir was standing before you, leaning against her desk with his arms crossed as he sneered down at you. 

The burning on your ring finger was lingering, one of the tally marks gone. 

“Lydia tells me that the shadowsinger has taken a special interest in you,” Keir said, stroking his jaw. Your eyes remained distant, staring past him to the wall. 

The blood was still warm on your skin and you knew the body lying in your bed hadn’t even stiffened. You knew better than to talk during these meetings, allowing Keir and Lydia to converse with each other while you sat there. 

“Show me your hand,” Keir ordered. 

You lifted your arm, holding it outstretched to him. He took it, twisting it to see your ring finger.

“She only has one mark left, my Lord,” Lydia added from behind her desk. 

“I see that,” Keir said, letting your hand drop. “Your last target is the shadowsinger. Kill him and you will have completed our bargain and will be free to go.” 

Your heart dropped into your stomach, your eyes going wide as you finally looked at the male standing above you. “W-what?” 

“You heard me, girl,” he snarled. “Kill the shadowsinger and you’re free to go.”

Kill the shadowsinger and you’ll be free to go. Kill the shadowsinger and you’ll be free to go. Kill the shadowsinger and you’ll be free to go. Kill the shadowsinger and you’ll be free to go. 

Keir’s words played in your head over and over again as you made your way to the bathing chambers to finally wash the blood of your latest target off you. 

Kill Azriel and you’d finally be free to leave this place. Finally free to take all the money you’d been saving up and leave this damned court to build a new life for yourself. The dream you’d had all along. Kill Azriel and your dream of being free would finally come true. 

Kill Azriel.   

Kill Azriel or…don’t and end up stuck here, lost in The Labyrinth forever. 

───  ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅  ───

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[thatacotargirl]

Hiiiii I love your writing!! May I request Azriel x Reader, where reader gets amnesia. She’s Illyrian and was hurt by Illyrian men, so she’s scared of Az because she doesn’t remember him. Then wonderful angst because he never thought she’d be afraid of him, so he avoids her and is heartbroken. Then something happens, maybe he’s forced to interact with her or he says something specific, and her memories come back, so happy ending! Feel free to ignore if you don’t want to write this, thank you!💙

Hi lovely! Thank you so much for reading my work and for your request! I hope you like the story! 💙

Divider is once again from @tsunami-of-tears, eternally grateful to you for your creativity!

Dazelroot Daze

An Azriel x Reader imagine

Warnings: angst, poisoning, swearing, allusions to abuse / previous SA.

"Rhys, I am not cut out for this kind of mission - why did you not send Nesta!"

You huff to yourself as you climb the uneven stairs through the prison, following closely behind Rhys. You hated coming in here, and hated having to interact with the Bone Carver even more. You patted your back pocket, checking your gifted bone for him was still there, before climbing yet another stairwell.

"Y/n, you know I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't necessary. I can't exactly send Nesta in here even if she's only early in her pregnancy, they would sense it a mile off and she'd be a target. Not to mention, I don't fancy getting pummelled by Cassian for letting his pregnant mate in here".

You knew he was right, but it didn't make this any easier. You struggled through another narrow doorframe, trying to avoid smacking your wings against the wood, and stood in front of a metal gate. You hear Rhys hum to himself.

"What's wrong?".

"I've never seen a gate here before, this should be an open walkway".

You begin to feel uneasy as you see Rhys take a step back.

"Rhys?"

Before you can get another word out, you feel a powder cover your face, filling your nose and mouth, causing you to choke. You try to call out for help, but you can't get anything out, breathing becoming harder and harder. You hear Rhys distantly calling your name but you can't respond, can't move, all you can do is drop to the floor, your legs giving out from underneath you.

"Get Madja, now!"

Rhys' voice bellowed through the River House as he winnowed in carrying your lifeless body and placed your down on the living room sofa. The rest of the Inner Circle descended on the pair of you, including Azriel. When he saw your pale body, arm hanging off the sofa, his heart sank. He grabbed Rhys by the collar.

"What the fuck happened?"

Rhys didn't have time to answer before Madja appeared in the room, pushing everyone to the side and leaning over your body. Silence descended on the room as she ran tests, took bloods, checked your vitals - all the while your eyes remained closed and your body limp.

"She has been poisoned with a plant known as Dazelroot. It is highly toxic and can only be found in some very remote parts of the Spring Court. Thankfully, it looks like this particular strain was either incorrectly handled or extremely dried out, as it hasn't taken hold quite as potently as it should have. She will be ok, in that she will live, but we won't know the consequences until she wakes up".

"The consequences?", Feyre asks.

"I have never seen a person be poisoned with Dazelroot and live to tell the tale. We won't know what it will do to her until she wakes".

Feyre sobbed silently, her shoulders shaking. Nesta joined her, the sisters holding each other through their sadness. Cassian could only watch in horror as Azriel fell to his knees next to your body and cried into your shoulder.

"Madja, what can we do?", Rhys asks, wringing his hands.

"There's nothing, Rhys. We have to let her wake, and see what happens next. I'll be on hand, as will my assistants. Call us as soon as she wakes up".

Rhys shook Madja's hand and allowed her to leave, his grief weighing down on his shoulders heavily. It was his fault that you were in the prison, that he hadn't seen the trap beforehand, that you were the one to be poisoned. He tried to reach for Azriel, but Azriel swatted his hand away.

"Don't touch me", he gritted, his face still buried in your shoulder.

Rhys could do nothing but watch as his family fell apart in front of him.

It took 6 days for you to wake. 6 agonising days of your family watching your chest rise and fall, terrified that you would never again open your eyes. But you did.

Your eyes opened, and fell on Feyre's face.

"SHE'S AWAKE", Feyre called to your family, reaching out for your hand. You let her take it, but she couldn't overlook the confusion she saw in your eyes, the hesitancy of your body to let her touch you.

The room filled with your family and your eyes settled on a pair of Illyrian wings. Male Illyrian wings. Trauma racked through your body, memories of your life at the Illyrian camps, wing-clipping, assault, and you couldn't hold back your scream as you pulled your body up the bed, as close as you could get to the headboard.

"Y/n?", Azriel said gently, attempting to approach you. He froze when he realised it was him that you were trying to get away from.

Madja burst through the door at that moment, having been summoned by Rhys the moment he heard Feyre's shouts. She saw the blankness in your eyes the second she looked at you, and her eyes fell pityingly to Azriel.

"Hi y/n, I'm Madja, a healer here in the Night Court".

Your family looked at each other in pure confusion. You knew who Madja was. She'd been the family's healer for centuries. Why was she acting like you'd never met before?

Madja carried out her assessment before providing you a sleeping tonic. Once your body settled back into the pillows, looking more at peace than you had when you had woken up, she turned to Rhys.

"The Dazelroot has caused amnesia. She doesn't remember anything after her life after the Illyrian camps".

Rhys shook his head. "Ok, but when will her memory come back?".

Rhys saw the look on Madja's face and his stomach somersaulted.

"Will her memory come back?"

Madja placed a hand gentle on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Rhys, there's no way to know".

She turned to Azriel, tears falling down his cheeks. He had realised that you had forgotten him, forgotten your mateship, the love you had shared for centuries. You only remembered the trauma you had faced at the hands of Illyrian males, males that bore the same wings as him. He had realised, seeing the look on your face, that you were afraid of him.

"You can try to offer her gentle reminders. It might break through the amnesia cloud. But there's nothing more we can do".

Madja departed, leaving your family to process the news. You didn't remember any of them.

17 months later

It had been 17 months since the incident, and your memory hadn't come back.

Feyre, Nesta, Elain and Mor had made it their mission to rebuild the friendship that you had had with them - regularly taking you out for brunch, shopping, and nights out at Rita's. Over time, you developed a new bond with them, and had started to trust them.

You had also re-kindled your friendship with Rhys and Lucien, the males giving you distance but engaging with you as often as possible, mostly through Feyre and Elain.

But Azriel and Cassian, you couldn't be near. Their wings reminded you too much of the trauma you had faced in the camps. Reminded you that your own wings had been clipped. Reminded you of the males that had used you for their own entertainment. Anytime they tried to approach you, their wings pinned as tightly as possible behind their backs, your body began to involuntarily shake and your eyes would fill with tears.

It had broken Azriel. He had become a shell of the former male he was. He started to withdraw from family dinners, he gave up his morning training. Azriel had slowly started to descend into a downward spiral, feeling the mating bond cold on the other end. His family had tried their best to help, but Azriel wanted for nothing but you. He locked himself in his bedroom most days and nights, seeking solitude in the shadows.

That was why, when his family decided to visit Sevenda's restaurant that evening, Azriel had ignored the inviting knock on his door. He didn't want to make it harder for you seeing him sitting at the other end of the table. He waited for the footsteps to pad away before grabbing a bottle of Whiskey from the shelf and pouring himself a generous glass.

-

Several hours later, Azriel was sat in bed with his book when he heard commotion. It sounded like crying, but it was pained. He sat up, listening out, when he heard it again - this time closer to his door. He thought everyone was out at Sevenda's, or maybe Rita's now, but there was unmistakably someone wandering through the hallway.

Azriel cracked open his door and peered out. At the end of the hallway, gripping the window pane, he saw your small frame huddled over. The scent of blood filled the air. Azriel panicked. He knew how bad your cycles were from the centuries you had spent together, that you needed help desperately, but right now he was the only one in the house with you, and you were terrified of him.

"Y/n?", he called out gently, trying not to startle you with his presence. He watched you turn slowly, your eyes wide in alarm.

"It's ok, it's just your cycle", he whispered, raising his arms to show you that he was not going to hurt you. You whimpered slightly, clutching the window pane so hard your knuckles had gone white.

"Can I help you?", he asked, not daring to move. You looked at him, his wings, your body shaking. But you knew you were helpless, not sure you could get yourself back to your bed even if you tried with all your might. So, you took a deep breath, and gave him a timid nod.

Azriel walked slowly towards you, his hands in front of him, and when he reached you he carefully put a hand forward to touch your shoulder. You shuddered, but didn't pull away.

"I'm going to take you back to your room, ok?". You could only nod as Azriel scooped you into his arms and walked you slowly back towards your room.

He placed you down carefully at your dressing table and silently walked into your bathroom, the sound of running water filling the room. Whilst the bath ran, you watched him strip the soiled sheets from your bed and replace them with fresh ones, putting a pair of your pyjamas neatly folded at the end. He then offered you his hand and guided you to the bathroom.

"Do you need some help?".

You didn't want to admit it, but you did. You could barely stand up under your own weight.

Azriel turned away from you to allow you to undress, holding a hand behind his back for guidance as you carefully lowered yourself into the bath. Once you were in, and hidden under the bubbles, you turned to look at him. At his wings. You had never known an Illyrian male to be so gentle. So calming. Even sat here alone in a bath with him in the room, you felt comfortable. You felt safe.

"Azriel?", you whispered.

"Would you like me to leave you be?" he asked, his back still turned to give you privacy.

"No".

You saw Azriel's shoulders sag slightly with relief, but he still kept his back to you.

"Please could you pass me that bottle over there, the green one?"

Azriel walked over to the counter to pick up the shampoo bottle and attempted to hand it to you behind his back, still not facing you. You giggled as he offered the bottle out to the empty end of the bath.

"It's ok, I'm hidden in the bubbles".

Azriel turned, his eyes not leaving your face, as he handed the bottle to you. You took it, pouring some into your hand, and he watched you wince as you raised your arms above your body to your hair, stretching your stomach.

"May I?", he asked quietly. You nodded, handing the bottle to him. Azriel knelt down behind your head, pouring the shampoo into his hands and massaging it into your hair. The moment his hands touched you, you felt a calming peace descend over you, and you closed your eyes to bask in it. You were about to ask him to rub it into the nape of your neck, your favourite place, when you felt his hands move there instinctively. A jolt went through your body, and Azriel jumped backwards.

"Are you ok?"

You turned to face him, his leathers covered in water, bubbles and shampoo suds, and looked down at his scarred hands. Visions flew through your mind of his hands in your hair, his hands offering to feed you grapes on your honeymoon to the Summer Court, his hands touching your body, his hands placing a ring on yours at your mating ceremony, his hands holding out your cup of coffee to you every morning - black, just how you liked it.

You reached out to take them, feeling every emotion come flooding back to you. A tug at your chest made you look up, as Azriel's filled with tears.

"My mate", you whispered.

"My mate", he replied, his head moving to rest on your forehead.

You held each other, the bath water turning cold and the bubbles melting away, allowing all your love and devotion to flow to each other through the bond. Forgotten, but never gone.

[aayakashii]

1 ❤️fluff Lyca Colt

1❤️ a kiss on the cheek

“Hey.” Lyca nudged you with his elbow as you two scarfed down the lunch you had bought at Sho's food truck.

Lyca was beginning to get used to using cutlery instead of his bare hands to eat, so you could finally relax and focus on your own food during lunch after a few weeks of fretting over him.

“Yeah? What's up?”

He scratched his cheek, looking a bit embarrassed.

“I gotta ask you something.”

You quickly turned to look at him, a bit worried about the serious tone of his voice.

“Okay.” you put your hashi down and offered him your full attention.

“But you gotta promise you won't laugh or think I'm weird!” he pointed at you accusingly, as if you always laughed at him (you did not, but he was still extremely worried about being laughed at).

“You know I don't laugh at your worries, Lyca” you rolled your eyes.

“I know but… I gotta be sure.” he pouted, nose scrunched at the mere thought of you betraying his trust like that.

“I won't laugh. What's worrying you?”

He fidgeted with the end of his hoodie's sleeve, pulling a stray thread from it. You lightly slapped his hand to make him stop so he wouldn't ruin the hoodie's sewing.

The little slap made him flinch and he managed to blurt out what he wanted to say.

“Am I… your best friend?”

You blinked slowly, wondering if you heard him correctly.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Am IIIIII. Your beeeest. Frieeeeeend.” he said it again, elongating the syllables for way too long.

“Where did this come from all of a sudden, Lyca?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I was in class and I heard some other people ranking their friends. And they all had a ‘best friend’. So I asked the blonde gigolo what it meant and he said it's the friend you like the most, the one you're always with and someone you like so much you'd help them with anything.”

You nodded, finally understanding his sudden question. “I see, I see.”

“So I asked him if the moth eaten Casanova was his best friend. And he made a face like this” Lyca scrunched his face and stuck out his tongue, imitating what was probably disgust.

“Yeah I imagine he would react like that.”

Lyca shrugged.

“So I wanted to know about you.”

“Did you ask Subaru too?”

“I don't need to” he huffed, puffing his chest “I know I'm his best friend.”

“Oh… but you aren't sure about me?” You crossed your arms.

“Well, you're always hanging out with a bunch of other ghouls and talking to them so I need to know! What if you prefer them rather than me!” he turned his gaze away from you, pouting. His ears and tail popped up as they usually did whenever he felt slightly distressed or nervous.

You stared at his slightly puffed cheeks and his curled down tail, doing your absolute best not to strangle him as the cuteness aggression took over your body. You sighed.

“I can't say you're my best friend, Lyca.”

His head turned quickly towards you, ears flat against his head. He opened his mouth to protest, but you raised your hand so he could let you finish.

“Calm down, I'll explain.” you cleared your throat as he looked at you with heartbroken eyes that almost broke your heart too.

Almost.

“You can't just be my best friend, Lyca.” You shook your head “That isn't enough for you.”

At that, his ears perked and he straightened his previously hunched back.

“What do you mean?”

You began to organize both of your leftovers once you were sure he had your full attention.

“I mean that you are the best boy in the whole world, so you aren't just my best friend. You're my favorite boy. You're leagues above being a best friend.” you winked at him as you finished wrapping up everything.

His cheeks were tinted a light pink, but his face still expressed confusion.

“But then this means I am your best friend, right?” he followed you with his eyes as you got up and stood in front of him.

You sighed.

“Yes. You're my best friend. My best best friend actually.”

His tail began wagging behind him.

“Your best best best friend too?”

You smiled at him and offered your hand to pull him up. “Yes, that too”.

Once he held your hand, you pulled him forward a little bit, making him stumble. His eyes widened as you leaned in and placed a kiss on both of his cheeks.

“My best boy.” you said, squishing his cheeks for a moment and then turning around to walk towards the main building. “Now let's go so we won't be late for class!”

Lyca stood there for a few seconds, dazed, watching you walk further away. His hands touched his warm cheeks.

He didn't really understand it yet, but maybe being best friends wasn't actually enough, just like you said.

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[tarotofzhivamoon]

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Pile 1

It took us a while to fall in love, to let each other open up to this possibility that maybe we are meant to be together because old habits kept coming back, they kept influencing our ability to open our hearts and they hindered this beautiful fresh start of a new beginning for us, as we came into this with suspicious and cautious eyes. I must say I lacked experience in relationships, it took me a while to understand how I am supposed to show up for you, how to actually be able to make you part of my routine, but it’s all so clear now that I can push past the limitations of my past. My heart is open to you, it is open to love and inside of me there’s a constellation of feelings that I feel for you because you just bring out the best in me, a part of me that I never really knew existed. I have tried to hide behind the shadows of my defense mechanisms, of every behavior, thought and action that I took with the idea that I needed to take care of myself and preserve who I was in case someone else wanted to conquer me, take everything and leave me with nothing but with you all of my defenses dropped. I can’t think clearly when you’re around, I can’t even describe the things I am feeling when your soft skin touches mine but I know that I am surrendering to you; you can have all of me, you can take over everything I am because I completely trust in you that you do not want to change me, I trust that you love me just for who I am and that whatever you’ll take, whatever I will give you, you will also give back to me so that both of us can grow beautiful gardens within us that are watered by our gentle, pure love. I want everything with you, I want to see the end of my days next to you, I want to start my mornings and end my nights with you here, with a kiss, a touch, a smile and other tokens that symbolize the absolute love we have for each other.

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Pile 2

I have walked alone for years and years, always leaving parts of me everywhere I went, something that people could remember me by or it maybe was because I had lost so much of myself in that relationship of place that I didn’t know what was mine to take. I have always been one to want this world to become a more loving place for everyone, I understood and observed others, saw their pain and I took it on me to the be the person that is always there for them because I thought they needed me, even though I was also hurting on the inside and no one actually really saw me. I didn’t want to fall in love ever again, I wanted to be on my own because I felt that I had a bubble of protection around me that no one would be able to break if I didn’t let them get too close to me, I just didn’t want to surrender to such a powerful, yet possibly extremely hurtful experience if it wasn’t meant to work out; I didn’t want to take that change at being heartbroken anymore because I felt like if it happened it would have turned me into this cold hearted monster that had no empathy, no understanding and no love to give, only madness at a world that seemed to be against me and never showed me the love that I needed and wanted in return. I have been in my own world, my own safe space, like a little scared rabbit I would hop in and out of relationships and places the moment I started to feel vulnerable and threatened, nobody was really able to catch me and to show me the love, show me the way back towards a part of me that I actually lost in the process of trying to protect my heart. You were able to make me want to stay next to you because you have been so gentle with my heart, you have actually a better understanding than me about the things that I was going through because you’ve been through similar experiences but you still turned out differently, those experiences actually transformed you into being even kinder, even more loving and your energy has showed me the way back to myself.

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Pile 3

I threw logic out of the window with you, I didn’t need it and I don’t think I will ever need it because I knew that I needed to let my heart guide me to you and guide me with my relationship with you. I manifested you, I spent entire days thinking about you and wanting you to find your way into my life so that I could experience this type of psychedelic love with you, one that lifts me up to the sky on soft clouds and makes me feel lighter than ever, like I have no other worry in the world. Your love is spiritual, I do think and feel as though you have a spiritual purpose in my life, this romance isn’t simply practical, it isn’t a simple “this is what I need to do, this person is good for me”, it’s more than that, it’s deeper and besides that feeling that you are the one for me, there is something that doesn’t really make sense. And it’s beautiful that it doesn’t make sense, because we are nothing alike, we see the world differently, but we want the same thing which is love and growth. My prayer has been answered when you came into my life, romance found its way into my life in the most elevating way and I knew right from the start that I was going to marry you because it was the only path our connection had as an option. I’m here to work hard for you, I’m here to work hard for our relationship because I know that the effort I put in matters and I know that it makes a difference towards actually achieving the beautiful things that we both want out of this connection. I know that both of us are going to be successful because everything we need is right in our hands. I know that sometimes these feelings can get overwhelming and sometimes too much, even if it is love, can do great harm if it transforms into smothering and being too present, I am guilty of that, I’m guilty of wanting to spend all of my time with you, guilty of doing everything with you but I also know that we should maintain this sense of independence for us to be able to do things outside of the relationship too because it’s healthy.

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Dividers by Kawaii-Lau on Tumblr

[cowboybarzy]

you’re losing me — mat barzal

ok so I definitely impulse wrote this after listening to the song one too many times! (still listening to it, still sobbing about it) definitely check it out although it may be a bit hard to find haha taylor pls just release it

spoiler: this is a HEA bc I am incapable of writing/reading sad endings. my life sucks enough, my fictional world doesn’t need to either lol so not all aspects of the song are used/it’s not exactly the same as the song, it’s just inspired by it

word count: 3.9k warning: angsty, with hea

"I need a break."

"From what?"

"Us."

—————————

When you started dating your boyfriend Mat seven years ago you thought you were going to get married. Even with his busy schedule he was the most attentive, caring, and loving boyfriend you could have ever dreamed of. When he moved to New York, of course you were extremely happy for him. Playing in the NHL had been his dream since he was a kid, so you were very supportive, but you couldn't help but feel heartbroken over him moving across the country and leaving you. But ever since the day he landed in the city, he begged you to come live with him and eventually he convinced you. You transferred university to one in New York, lived in the dorms for a couple of years until Mat and you got an apartment together. You finished your undergraduate degree, then started and finished your masters. Mat had always been just as supportive of you as you of him. He made living away from your family easy. He made living easy. Date nights in all shapes and forms, luxurious vacations, and just him making you happy with all of his little quirks. Your relationship was something straight out of a movie. It was perfect. Until it wasn't.

You don't know when things began to change in your relationship, nothing really caused it, but one day you started feeling unhappy. Mat changed. Or maybe you did. But you weren't the same two people you once were. When you came home from work, you got a 'hello' and a kiss but the passion behind his eyes were gone. He barely asked you about your day anymore or told you about his. Just enough before you fell back into silence. You didn't used to mind the silence. Sitting comfortably in silence was a sign you truly felt at peace with a person, but when the silence got uncomfortable for you, you knew something was wrong. The amount of times you two went out alone decreased to the point where you could count on one hand the amount of dates you had been on in the past two months.

He just stopped making an effort and any effort you put into the relationship was rejected or gone unnoticed. Like making him dinner or doing his laundry and him not at least thanking you for it.

His love language was most definitely touch, but even that had slipped away day after day. He kissed you in the mornings, at night, and when either of you got home, but the spontaneous make out sessions or random quickies throughout the day were basically nonexistent anymore. You had sex after his games or when he got home from a roadie, but somehow that had started to feel like an effort.

You missed the old Mat that always had some part of his body touching yours. At dinner, sitting next to each other, he usually intertwined his pinky with yours, only breaking to use his knife. Or he always held your hand or had an arms wrapped around you when you were out of the house, like he was afraid to lose you. That stopped and now you were the one afraid that you had lost him.

You had just gotten too comfortable with each other. You knew each other so well you could anticipate what the other would say or feel that you didn't need to tell each other anymore. You still wanted to that, you were still interested in what he had to say, in hearing his voice, but after countless efforts being rejected, it was easier to say nothing.

The worst part was that you couldn't even blame his schedule and just wait for the season to end. It hadn't changed. You had made it work that past few years before, even with you being busy with school, so why now? You were starting to question your self worth, because what else could it be?

The last few months had been hell for you, silently and lonely suffering. Because every time you brought up the subject of your relationship, he said everything was fine and that we'd just hit a little rut that would resolve itself.

You wanted to believe him so badly. You wanted to believe that everything would be okay. You didn't want to throw the last seven years away. You had worked so hard to be here. You had experienced so much together, made so many memories. Was it really worth throwing it all away?

But you were sick of waiting for it to stop. Sick of your efforts being lost. Sick of Mat not seeming to care. You hit your breaking point.

And that's how you found yourself on the verge of tears standing in front of Mat in your kitchen in which you had made so many beautiful memories. "I just can't sit around waiting for you do something anymore. I gave you so many chances for you to do something, say something, risk something for me, but you did nothing. You're losing me, Mat, you don't even seem to care."

He blinked. A blank expression on his face. Just like the last few months. Some part of you wasn't surprised, the other ripped your heart into shreds.

"I just– I need a break."

"From what?," he finally asked, already knowing the answer.

"From us." A tiny, very tiny, weight lifted off you when you said it out loud. You had been wanted to say it for months and although you weren't happy about the situation, you were proud of yourself that you did. "I'm going back to Seattle for a few months. I just need space from you right now."

"When? For how long?" That's probably the most he'd asked about you in a while.

"I haven't booked a flight yet, but probably tomorrow." He nodded, pressing his lips together. "At least until the end of your season. Until you have some free time to figure out if you still love me or not." You lips were shaking, tears threatening to flow freely. You didn't want to say it, but a part of you felt bitter.

"(Y/n)–"

"No!," you stopped him. You couldn't hear it. "If you tell me you love me right now I'll stay. And this wasn't an easy decision but a necessary one. I'm weak for you, Mat. I'd do anything for you, but I don't feel that from you. So, please, just stop. I made up my mind. This has to happen. Maybe in a few months we can work it out, but right now I need space."

He gave you another nod then turned around and left. You heard him rustling around in your bedroom and a few minutes later your front door slammed shut. He was gone. A part of you was angry at him for not putting up a fight, but then again you had asked him not to. But just once, you wanted him not to listen to you and tell and show you how he felt. You guessed you had your answer.

The next few months were rough for you. A different kind than the few months before, but still difficult. You missed Mat terribly. Countless of times you came close to booking a flight back home to New York and burying your face in his chest. But it wasn't your turn this time. He had to fight for you.

But you missed him nonetheless. You had almost called him when Anthony got traded just a couple weeks after you left, but you didn't. Then again when not shortly after he got hurt in a game against Boston. You wanted, but you didn't. Not until he did. But he never did.

It took a while, but you started to be able to breath again. You got a small job at a café, since you took a leave of absence from your big girl job in New York and still needed some money. You made some new friends, most of your old ones having moved away or gotten too out of touch with, and developed a new daily routine. You started feeling better, but the whole inside you was reserved for only Mat to fix and would probably take years to mend if he didn't make a move soon.

Weeks, then months went by and not a single word from Mat. You couldn't even see him on TV for his games (which you still watched) since he was injured and his social media was a bust too. Your friends and his teammates (also your friends) checked in every once in a while, asking how you were and telling you how miserable Mat was. But unless you saw that for yourself, you couldn't really believe it.

Then, by some miracle the Islanders made it to the playoffs and Mat was scheduled to be back to playing. You tuned in, but almost had to turn it back off when you saw his face. His beautiful face that you loved to kiss and touch and simply just look at. Now though, it was riddled with frown marks, dark under eye circles and his unshaven scruff that took you years to like. He fought more on the ice, too. He rarely took penalties for righting but during these next few games he collected them like trophies. He was short and snippy in his post game interviews, again, something usually unlike him. He was miserable, you could tell. But then why had he not made an effort to get you back? Had you pushed him too far away when you left him? Was that the wrong thing to do?

You fought with yourself day and night. You wanted to go back to him and fight for him, but then you remembered that you did. You did fight for him countless of times. In your head you used to screamed at him to do something, say something, risk something, but he never did. So stayed put, waiting for his season to end and see what he would do.

A couple weeks later, your parents were out for dinner, you were home watching a movie with a big glass of wine when the doorbell rang. You didn't feel like answering, but who rang the doorbell after six pm? Your ex boyfriend who just showed up without a warning from across the country did. Or current boyfriend?

He stood there, outside your door with his grown out hair, unshaven beard, and sad look on his face. You started at him, processing. He was here.

"Mat? What–"

"No! It's my turn to talk now! (Y/n), you left. You just fucking left me without a warning." When you opened your mouth to protest, he held up his hand silencing you. "I know, I probably should have seen it coming, but you left! That hurt like hell."

He rubbed his face with his hands, also combing through his hairs before he went on. "I don't know what happened. I swear. I felt something change, yeah, but I just got comfortable. I didn't fall out of love with you. Never. And I'm sorry. I just assumed you felt the same and I shouldn't have. I should have checked in more. I'm sorry for taking for granted what I had. You. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I totally understand if you're done with me, because no one should take you for granted. (Y/n), I love you and the way you care for people, for me. You light up any room you walk in, you make everyone smile, you're– god, you're so so beautiful."

He took a deep breath, fighting his tears. You had given up holding them back pretty much the second you opened the door. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I've been such a jerk and I realize that and take full responsibility. These past few months have been hell for me without you there. Our apartment feels so cold without you. But it gave me some time to think about everything I fucked up and everything I will do better if you're willing to take me back. Please take me back, (y/n), I don't know how to live without you." He shook his head and tears away, collecting himself. "No, wait. I came here to apologize and give you time to decide whether you'll forgive me. The 'I want you back' speech will come later. If you'll hear it."

You were speechless. All these months, even before you left, that's what you had been hoping and begging for to hear. Why couldn't you speak? Or move?

Moments passed with the two of you just staring at each other. Mat hesitated to say more, but he couldn't read your face. Did you want to hear more or slap him in the face and tell him to leave? "Alright, uhm, I'm gonna go. Don't really know where, but I'm sure there's a hotel open around here." He got ahold of the suitcase next to him. "Uhm. I guess, text me? Or call? Whenever you're ready."

He waited a few more seconds for you to move, but when you didn't he slowly turned around and walked out of your driveway. Seeing his back turned, him walking away from you again when he had just come back made you snap out of it. "Maty!"

You sobbed running up to him and into his arms that had opened for you the second you yelled his name. You buried your face in the crook of his shoulder, inhaling his scent while you clung to him. He held onto you just as desperately. His hand I'm your hair at the back of your head, the other around your waist holding you tight to his body. You felt like home again after months and months of searching for it. You heart expanded and pounded swiftly for him and him alone.

"Fuck, baby, I missed you so much." He had let you down, but now both of his hands held your cheeks as he looked at you. He dropped his forehead against yours. "I'm so sorry."

You weren't ready to forgive him just yet, but you were so ready for him to kiss you. "Kiss me." And boy, did he. His mouth attacked yours with that intoxicating passion you had missed so much. Your tongues danced their dance without a hitch as he claimed you as his again.

You must have stood out there for minutes before breaking apart and coming up for air. You pulled him into the house, you had given your neighbors enough of a show. You settled on the couch, but put a pillow in between the two of you so you could talk things out before you did something you'd regret. That didn't stop him though from reaching his hand out to you. First, he took your hand then let it wander up to your face. "Come back home with me," he whispered. His sad green eyes were begging, too, a look that was very hard to resist.

"I want to," you whispered back, your voice starting to shake with emotion again. "But I can't just go back like nothing happened. Mat, those few months were extremely painful for me, I can't just ignore that. I'm so happy you realized it now, but I need to see some action. Your words, as happy as I am to hear them, aren't going to fix it alone."

He nodded, then dropped his forehead against yours. "I'm sorry. I'll fix this. I promise."

"We'll fix this. I don't want to throw us away, I want to work on this, but we need to do it slowly."

He nodded again and brushed his lips against your nose. "I have to go back to New York tomorrow. I have a few meetings and exit interviews and stuff, but after that I can come back here or you come back and I'll live with Wally or something for a while so we can work on this."

You nodded and threw the pillow separating you to the floor. You'll hash out the details later, but right now you just needed his big, warm hug. You sat like this for hours, not saying much, just enjoying each others company after you had been away from each other for so long.

The next day, he really did leave to go back to New York but he came back just a few days later. He stayed at a hotel, which did feel weird, but it was for the best. You needed to trust him again and doing it slowly would result in the best outcome. You spent a few hours together every day, catching up and talking about your plans to rebuild your relationship. At the end of the day, he'd bring you home and kiss you for a few minutes, then leave. Every time you wanted to run after him and go with him, but you could already feel the hole in your heart fixing itself, so you didn't and just trusted the process.

The day you told him you were ready to come back to New York was one you'd never forget. He spun you around in the middle of the park you had decided to have lunch at and kissed you like nobody was watching. It felt good, like the beginning again.

You celebrated his birthday a few days later and the day after he left to go visit his family in Vancouver for a few days while you tied up some loose ends here in Seattle. You'd meet back in New York in your apartment.

After an exhausting cross country flight, you were surprised Mat had sent an Uber to pick you from the airport instead of picking you up himself. But when you finally walked through your apartment door and the lights were off except for a few lamps and candles that you had carefully collected over the last few years, you knew why.

Mat, dressed nicely, stood in the middle of your living room surrounded by flowers and lit candles. Little Polaroids and pictures of the two of you were laying across the floor and furniture as well. You approached him slowly, taking his outstretched hand until you stood directly in front of him. His other hand slid into his pants pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box.

"I promise I'm not doing this out of desperation to get you back. I've had this ring since last year. I've been thinking about doing this for a long time. I've just been waiting for the right moment. I didn't want to propose during the season because I wanted to celebrate and do it right. And I had planned on taking you to Africa or the Maldives or somewhere more fun than our apartment but, you know... And I can't wait any longer." He smiled, then chuckled. "But, I'll still take you wherever you want to go."

"Maldives sound good." Why that was the only thing you were answering to you weren't sure, but with a chuckle he kept going.

"Good. And that probably also means you're not going to say no to my next question, but I'll ask anyway." He lowered down in front you onto one knee with his hand still holding onto your left. "(Y/n), for the past seven years, there is not one second that I haven't loved you. I know I haven't always shown that, but I promise you that won't happen again. You are the most important thing in the world to me and I promise there won't be another day where you will question that ever again. There's no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's you, babe, it's always been you. Will you marry me?"

You dropped down to your knees and grabbed his face to kiss him. "Yes," you repeated over and over again between kisses that tasted salty due to the tears running down your face. He got emotional, too, when he finally slid the ring on your finger. It was exactly the one you wanted and had dreamed of getting your entire life. It was perfect and so was he.

And he did keep his promise. Now and every single day there after.

*******

a few years later

"... the end."

"Again!"

"No, it's bed time now, honey."

"No! No sleep! One more book." Your three year old son jumped from your lap and dove towards the bookshelf to pick out another book to read. You checked your phone to see if your husband would be home any minute and in fact he would be, so you agreed to one more book.

"There you guys are." The door opened and Mat walked in with a big smile on his face.

"Daddy!" Your son, again, jumped from your lap into his fathers arms.

"Hi, buddy. I missed you." They hugged dramatically while your son told him all about his morning. Mat eventually put him down and took the couple steps need to get to you.

"Hi, princess. I missed you, too." He picked up your almost one year old daughter, who was also sitting in your lap, and hugged and kissed just as dramatically as he did with your son. Her sleepy eyes lit up with excitement and she filled the room with adorable baby giggles.

"What about me?," you pouted as you stood up.

"You have no idea." His arm wrapped around your shoulder and his lips gently touched yours, but with two children demanding your attention, the kiss was kept short.

You all hung out in the room for a bit, catching up on what Mat had missed while he was away for the last few days on his hockey road trip. Then you put your kids to bed, although putting an exited toddler to bed was no easy task, but eventually he did fall asleep.

"Hi," Mat whispered after you finally closed your sons bedroom door. You turned to face him and his messy hair made you smile. He aged like fine wine and you were thankful every day that he was yours.

"Hey." His hands took ahold of you and slowly pushed you against the hallway wall.

"I missed you," he whispered against your lips before claiming them. His hands roamed your body to find all the places to squeeze and touch while shoving his tongue in your mouth for an amazing kiss. How he went from fun goofy dad to horny teenage in a matter of seconds, you didn't understand, but you also didn't mind.

"Mat, not now. It's the middle of the afternoon," you said between kisses when you could tell this was going to be more than just a make out session.

"So?" He sucked on and kissed your neck. Yeah, what was the problem?

"So? They're both asleep. Hurry up and take me to bed." He didn't need to be told twice and a second later you were up in his arms and enjoying some much needed adult time.

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

The Babysitter (25)

Beach House Shenanigans

MILF Wanda Maximoff X Reader 18+

Summary: In need of money and a way to escape the problems at home, you get a job babysitting two lovely boys named Billy and Tommy Maximoff. What happens when you start to feel things you shouldn't for their mother? Will it bloom into love or leave you heartbroken?

A/N- I would just like to say that there will be some sensitive issues in this story such as alcoholism, homophobia, anxiety as well as more mature content such as smut so, if you continue to read this, please consider this warning.

The Babysitter Master list | General Master List

Chapter 25- W/c 5.1k- This chapter contains 18+ Smut

Tag list- @natsluttt @cerberus-spectre @dorabledewdroop @bibliophilicbi @hopelesslyfallenninlove @simpform1lfs @get-the-fuck-outta-here @natashaswife4125 @marvelwomen-simp @supercorpstan97 @aliherreraaa @aru-son (Comment if you want to be added)

Beach House Shenanigans

Keeping to your promise to Wanda, you quickly and thoroughly coated your body in sun cream, ready to spend a length of time in the blaring heat. Your feet sank slightly into the soft sand, the small grains moving under you as you walked towards the sea where the others were. When you could feel the sand become wet, your face scrunched up a little at the weird sensation of it on the soles of your feet, swiftly making your way into the water, a sharp intake of breath leaving you as the water was a lot colder than you expected.

"Y/n's here!" Tommy shouted, swimming over to you while you slowly walked towards where he was, his arm going to your shoulders as he held onto you for support, the water not relatively deep yet.

"I am," you chuckle out at his enthusiasm, "And I'm ready to play," your tone was excited, matching his overwhelming amount of energy, another exclamatory leaving him as he gains his mother, brother, and uncle's attention. Your gaze meets Wanda's, the striking green softening when you swim with her son towards them, her lig tugging into a smile at the joyful expression on your face.

It was a lot harder than you anticipated to keep your gaze on her face, the exposed skin on display enticing you to look, her swimsuit not too revealing but leaving enough to the imagination and oh you were imagining many things. She seems to catch how your gaze drifts down to her neck, watching the water droplets slowly trickling down the slightly tanned skin, following them as they trail lower, across her collarbones, almost at her-

"Let's play a game," Billy cheers eagerly after Pietro mutters something in his ear, his eyes turning to you, mischief etched onto his face as he raises his brow at you in a knowing way. It's quickly decided from there on, Wanda going on Pietro's shoulders as the twin's take turns on yours, trying to push their mother off Pietro but not doing too well at succeeding. You chuckle when it's Billy's turn, the twin significantly less emphatic than his brother as he shyly climbs onto your shoulders, holding on with a death grip as he seems to be nervous. You hold his hands, now in the shallower water, not too shallow that if anyone fell they'd hit the floor, but not as deep as where you were swimming, Pietro having to crouch to allow Wanda to meet Billy's height.

"Come on Dorogoy," Wanda encourages, Pietro walking them closer as she softly pushes the twin on your shoulders, your body keeping you both upright. She senses his nerves and goes to grab his hands, gently playing with him that way, a timid smile on his face before he asks to come down, Tommy extremely excited to have another turn.

He practically climbs onto you to get onto your shoulders, his legs loosely pressed against you compared to Billy's secure grip, his arms already reaching for his mother, a competitive glint washing over in her eyes as Tommy tries to win. Despite being the caring and loving mother, Wanda doesn't let him win, far too competitive to do that on this occasion, Tommy's face scrunching up into concentration as he uses all his strength to try and push Wanda off Pietro's shoulders. You can tell Wanda still goes a little easy on him though, her pushes soft and careful until she decides it's time to win, her push taking you by surprise, both you and Tommy falling back into the water, a loud splash indicating the older twin's victory.

The angelic laugh of Wanda reached your ears as you reemerged to the surface, Tommy groaning in defeat, a massive smile still engraved onto his and Billy's, who was with his grandfather sat in the shallow bit, face at the fun they were having. The gentle sound you loved so much soon turned to a surprised yelp, Pietro standing up suddenly, a low and taunting chuckle escaping him as he walked further into the water.

"Don't you dare Pietro," she semi shouts, holding onto him as he shakes his shoulders, trying to knock her off balance.

"Don't what Sestra?" he says innocently, wrapping his arms around her legs and securing a grip on her.

"nay bud mudakom (Don't be an asshole)," she grits out, not wanting to be a part of whatever her brother was scheming.

Before she could utter another irritated phrase at him, he dropped down into the water, taking Wanda with him, and held her under for a bit before emerging from the water, both gasping for breath, her hand slapping him at his annoying, but amusing to you, actions.

"Cyka," She huffed out, catching her breath and pushing back the soaking strands of hair in her face, glaring down at her brother who just looked at her with a triumphant smile that soon turned mischievous again. Out of nowhere, Pietro practically threw her off his shoulders into the water, a loud, unapproving noise escaping her before she splashed into the cool sea, her appearing at the surface again with a dangerous look aimed at her brother. The look quickly softened at the sound of the twins in a fit of laughter, an amused chuckle escaping you helping calm her nerves as she swam past her brother, purposely kicking her leg out at him before coming up to you, her arms wrapping around your waist.

"He's so lucky the twin's are here," she mutters before pressing a kiss to your lips, the twins busy playing with him now, giggling about what their uncle just did, Wanda now entirely yours.

"Don't kill your brother please," you murmur softly, her arms snaking further around your waist as she pulls you closer, guiding you both towards the deeper part of the water to be alone. You have to control yourself as you feel her hands against your bare back, your eyes flickering back down to her neck as a few more drops of water trickle down her skin, glistening in the sunlight.

"My eyes are up here Detka," she teases, lifting your chin with her finger, pressing her lips against yours once more, pulling back with an indecipherable expression, her annoyance quickly fading in your presence. "What were you and Pietro up to earlier?" she asks, her hands drifting a little lower, knowing no one could see you both. You swallow nervously, her eyes peering through her lashes into your own, her eyes flickering between your lips and eyes.

"What?" you manage out, guilt written all across your face as Wanda pulls you even closer, her breasts pressed up against yours as she smirks at you, her tongue swiping over her bottom lip to wet it.

"Detka," she sighs out, purposely lowering her voice, "I know you are both up to something, so you might as well just tell me," her mouth gently bites down on your ear lobe when she finishes speaking, her lips then pressing against your neck ever so softly, before trailing across your jaw, lips then ghosting yours. "Come on Detka, be a good girl for me," she chuckles at the small, needy groan that leaves you, your eyes significantly darker at her teasing.

"Wanda," you murmur out, losing yourself in the various shades of green that were swirling with lust. "We're not-I'm not," you stutter out, unsure of how to form words at the way she was staring into your eyes, your body practically burning as her hands drift even lower, cupping your ass and pressing you against her body.

"Are you sure Dorogaya?" she rasps out and it's sinful that she's teasing you like this. "Think about it, Moya Lyubov, you don't want me to punish you again, do you?" her tone borders a mocking and condescending one, further causing arousal to pool between your legs at her dominance.

"I..." your mouth parts but no more words form, lost in thought when you focus on her fingers drawing random patterns onto the skin of your inner thighs, her smirking sultrily at you as she awaits a response, "Pietro wants me to be a distraction so he can dunk you again." The words are blurted out when Wanda's mouth hovers mere millimetres away from yours, her smirk turning into a teasing smile as you gave into her wishes, her eyebrow raising at her brother involving you in his plans.

"Oh did he now?" she mutters out, pressing a soft kiss against your lips, letting her tongue swipe your lips teasingly to earn another desperate noise before pulling back, revelling in working you up. "Such a good girl for me Detka," she praises, your cheeks instantly turning red at the husky voice, "I think you deserve something later, don't you?" The suggestiveness isn't missed by you, wild and lustful thoughts flickering through your mind at her promise.

"Yes," you sigh out and it's needy, the tone making Wanda smile as well as the way you were currently staring at her like she was the only thing in the world you needed to live.

"I thought you'd agree," she chuckles out, making you smile shyly as her hands return to your waist, actions now innocent as you bury your face at the crook of her neck, trying to keep your thoughts pure to ease the throbbing heat between your thighs. "What's wrong?" she asks teasingly, knowing full well why you were hiding your face.

"Stop it," you grumble, her hands sliding up and down your sides softly while she presses a kiss to your wet hair.

"Come on, we need to get Pietro back." You laugh against her skin, the older twins never passing up on an opportunity to mess with the other.

***

"When do you want me to distract her?" you ask while swimming up to Pietro in a hushed voice, Wanda subtly watching your movements for the signal. You swim up behind the man, forcing him to turn around and face you, his smile widening at your words.

"Now would be a good time," his tone excited, his gaze remaining on you as you push your arms out, seemingly trying to keep afloat to the man, Wanda making her way over quietly at the signal. "I think she's gotten over my earlier dunk," he snickers out, laughing to himself at his antics, an amused smile sneaking onto your face when you can see Wanda getting closer, her body slipping deeper into the water, ready to terrify her brother.

"What's the signal going to be?" you ask, his brows furrowing a little, "So you know when to come over."

"Well, you could-" A scream interrupts his words as he's pulled under the water, Wanda splashing out of the water, laughing to herself once she's let go of her brothers leg, the silver haired man glaring at his sister who swims over to you, wrapping her arms around you from behind.

"You cyka," he mutters towards you both, Wanda smirking from over your shoulder, pressing a kiss to the side of your head as he pushes back his wet hair from out of his eyes. "This starts war," he grumbles, furthering Wanda's fit of laughter, Natalya's voice interrupting the moment,

"What shenanigans are you up to?" she asks her children from the beach as they swim back, your brows raising at her pronunciation of the word. To say she butchered it would have been too kind, an endearing smile on your face though at her attempt, her accent making it difficult to say.

"Shenanigans, Mama," Wanda corrects softly, thinking back to how they would watch sitcoms in Sokovia to learn English, her mother rolling her eyes before saying something in Sokovian, shutting up the teasing comments that were about to leave Pietro's mouth, his father unable to stop his laughter at his wife's words, the twins and you looking at each other in confusion.

You catch Wanda's stare as she tries not to laugh at her mother's rambling, her playfully pinching her son's ear making him groan at her, Wanda explaining to you and the boys vaguely, "Mama said a bad word," the twins laugh at that, going to save Pietro while you simply smile at Wanda, her arm wrapping around your waist as everyone leaves the water, ready to shower and get clean for dinner, the plan being to go to the local restaurant soon.

You were currently laying on the bed, waiting for Wanda to finish showering, your fingers playing with the stray threads at the end of your shorts while you day dreamed, unaware of the ensuite door opening.

"Where did you put my stuff Detka?" she asks, your body jumping slightly at being knocked out of your pointless thoughts, your head lifting to look at her, going blank at the sight of her. 

The towel was haphazardly thrown over her body to cover herself, the top of it slowly creeping down as she tried to shuffle her arms to keep it in place, the movement causing her breasts to be pushed up, your gaze remaining on the enticing skin exposed. Your mouth merely parted, no words leaving your lips as your eyes blatantly raked over her body, unable to hide the enamoured and awed glint in them, the lust and desire soon swirling in them as you finally met her gaze.

"Stuff?" you ask, not entirely sure what was going on, your mind completely out of order at the moment. She chuckles a little at your state, walking closer to the bed, towering above your body, your eyes peering up at her, submission written across your face.

"My suitcase Detka," she explains, your cheeks blushing at the obvious answer to the question. When you don't respond, still struggling with the gay panic, she continues, "I can't exactly go to the restaurant like this Dorogaya," she smirks before adding the last part, "I'm sure you wouldn't want people staring at me." 

A wave of jealousy hit you square in the face, the thought of others gazing lustfully at her not something you would want, your mind getting its act together before getting up from the bed and retrieving her case, her quickly taking out some clothes before returning to the bathroom, winking at you playfully before shutting the door, a groan leaving you at the heat that had built between your thighs once again.

Eventually, everyone was ready to leave, the entire family soon seated in the restaurant, Billy and Tommy being entertained by you while the others talk, mainly Natalya gushing over how her children were both going to be thirty tomorrow, unable to stop herself from telling more embarrassing stories from throughout their lives. Pietro mentioned the table story, trying to bring it up, catching your attention, but it was quickly shot down by Wanda, her going up to order more drinks for the adults, dragging Pietro with her, not trusting him with you.

You were talking to Tommy when you looked up, seeing that Pietro had returned with most of the drinks balanced in his grasp somehow, a small impressed expression taking over your face before it turned to confusion, looking behind him to still see Wanda at the bar with the drinks for you and her. There was a tall man with her, his hand slicking back his brown hair while he leaned against the bar, a charming smirk engraved on his face as he spoke to Wanda, a polite smile on her face as he continued to talk to her.

Pietro caught your stare, making a teasing comment that only you could hear about being jealous, your gaze immediately flickering away from the captivating woman, dismissing his comments and focussing back on the twins. After a considerable amount of time had passed, the minute lasting a lifetime, your gaze went back to her, Wanda seemingly interested in the man's words as she laughed at something he said, jealousy coursing through you.

You ignored the feeling, knowing that Wanda wouldn't do anything to hurt you, but it still gnawed at you while she was over there, the man blatantly looking at her in a lustful way when she'd turn her face away.

Soon, she returned with the drinks, your gaze remaining on the twins as her body slid next to yours on the end of the booth seats you were in, her arm wrapping around your waist.

"I could feel you staring, Detka," she whispers teasingly in your ear, her lips softly pressing against your cheek, her arm pulling your body closer to yours, a shy smile on your face as she caught you. "I'm yours, there's no need to be jealous," she mutters gently, your shoulders shrugging against her.

"I wasn't jealous," you reply back, the twins and other family members engrossed in conversation while she hums teasingly in response, pretending to agree.

"Of course you weren't," she laughs out, going to press a kiss against your lips when Pietro and the twins make a disgusted noise, you and Wanda rolling your eyes at their immature antics.

"I was just thirsty," you say, as if it were obvious, before taking a sip of the drink she brought you, her laughing at your excuse before placing a kiss to your forehead to avoid any more disgusted noises erupting from the three childish figures.

Before you knew it, you were stuffed to the brim, your body leaning against Wanda's as you all digested the delicious food served in the restaurant, Tommy and Pietro looking as if they were about to pass out from how much they managed to eat. Billy teased his brother, the other twin groaning, complaining how his stomach felt like it was going to explode making you all laugh, Pietro muttering in agreement and refusing to move for as long as possible.

Despite their current state, the two trouble makers were the first to suggest dessert, Wanda and Natalya rolling their eyes at their children's behaviour, you smiling at Billy who was also interested in having some dessert, asking if you wanted to share something with him. You and Billy shared some ice cream, wanting something cool in the still warm air, the other adults deciding against it besides Pietro, who ordered two sugar filled treats to share with Tommy, the smaller twin definitely going to have a sugar rush soon.

As predicted, Tommy suddenly buzzed with excitement on the way back to the house, Billy the complete opposite as he tried to keep up with his brother's energy, clearly not succeeding. You knew how the boy found going out exhausting, sensing he had some sort of anxiety as he tried to stay as close as he could to you, Wanda and yourself finding the action endearing as he grew attached to you.

You helped the tired boy out of the car, Tommy jumping out before running upstairs to change into his pyjamas, wanting to join the adults on the deck for the 'adult talk' as he was still experiencing the sugar high. You smirked when you made it into the twins' room with Billy, him deciding he was going to sleep instead, Tommy seemingly starting to deflate as he slowly pulled on his shirt, fatigue suddenly kicking in. Wanda soon joined you upstairs in their room to say goodnight to Billy, watching in amusement as Tommy trudged downstairs, wrapping himself in a blanket as the air was much cooler now outside, flopping dramatically onto the chair next to his grandmother who wrapped her arm around him, her free hand holding onto her drink that was almost knocked over by the boy's actions.

You didn't even bother sitting down, instead helping the boy back upstairs into bed, telling Wanda to stay with her family while you helped him get into bed. It only took a few minutes to get the boy to brush his teeth and get into bed, his brother flat out in the other one, small, quiet snores already leaving him making you smile while tucking the other boy in.

"Goodnight Y/n," he tiredly murmurs, whispering back to him the same before silently leaving the room, making your way back to the deck to enjoy some time with Wanda.

She opened her arms and the blanket she stole from Tommy up, letting you slip in front of her body as you shared a seat, your back flush against her front as she wrapped her arms around your body from behind, your head leaning back against her shoulders as you relaxed into the embrace.

You watched with a smile on your face as Natalya moved closer to her husband, leaning her head against his shoulder as casual conversation mixed with the quiet sounds of nature nearby, the sea just about audible as small waves gently crashed over one another. Pietro seemed to be more relaxed and less mischievous now, seemingly reaching the end of his own sugar high as he relaxed into his chair, putting his feet up onto the small table nearby to get comfy.

The conversation was pleasant as the time passed, Natalya asking you about Natasha and Yelena once finding out you knew Melina, also asking how her old friend was and amazed at how small the world seemed to be. The talk then turned to your exams that were going to be soon, then your university choices, Wanda saving you as she knew you were stressing over the amount of pressure you were going to be under soon, you thanking her by squeezing your interlocked fingers under the blanket, her head resting against yours as the conversation soon moved elsewhere.

Around half an hour later, Pietro called it quits, deciding to go to bed which then inspired his parents to follow suit, you and Wanda deciding to stay out a little longer, enjoying the view of the night sky. Everyone bidded each other goodnight, Erik reminding Wanda to lock the door before coming up, leaving you and the older woman alone, your head tilting back to gaze into her eyes.

Her lips softly pressed down against yours, her hands wrapping around your waist and pulling you impossibly closer, a smile sneaking onto both of your faces as you parted from the innocent kiss.

"I think I promised someone something earlier," she rasps out, gazing into your eyes while a smirk replaces the pure smile, her hands slipping under your shirt, warm fingers meeting your skin.

"Oh, did you?" you sigh out, trying to act nonchalant as her nails scratch against your abdomen softly, her fingers trailing lower until they reach the end of your shorts, tracing random patterns against the exposed skin of your thighs, the blanket covering all of her movements.

"I did," she hums out, pressing a sensual kiss to your neck, a low groan escaping you when her hands inch high up your inner thighs, caressing the skin she could get to with your shorts still on. "You were such a good girl for me Detka," she purrs into your ear, a small whimper escaping you at her words, the praise causing arousal to pool between your thighs, her touch burning into your skin as her lips meet your neck to litter it in hot, open-mouthed kisses. "Always so good for me," she lets her fingers move to the button of your shorts, her fingers toying with the waistband to tease you before deftly unfastening the item, a ragged breath escaping you. "Do you want me to take care of you Detka?"

"Here?" you whisper out, tilting your head back to meet her eyes, groaning quietly at how her eyes were completely darkened with lust and desire, nothing but hunger evident across her features. You weren't sure whether you would get caught here, not wanting for anyone to catch you both.

"Don't worry Dorogaya, no ones going to see us," she whispers, easing your nerves, allowing the thrill of the situation to kick in, the heat between your thighs incessant. "Is this ok?" she murmurs softly, ensuring that you were alright with the situation, her lips still pressing against your neck in a manner that was driving you insane.

"Yes," you sigh out, her tongue licking a stripe up the column of your throat, feeling you groan at the sensation and smirking into the warm skin of your throat.

Her fingers slip back under the waistband of the fabric, pushing the item down your legs so you could part them for her, her words further causing you to throb and clench around nothing.

"That's it Detka, spread your legs for me," you groan once more at her words, doing as she asks and spreading them, her finger brushing over the wet patch of your panites, a low moan escaping you. "Fuck Detka, you're so wet," she husks out, mouth at the shell of your ear, a slightly louder moan escaping you. Her hand slides up your neck, her hand covering your mouth and guiding your head backwards to lean against her body, her eyes meeting yours. "As much as I love your pretty moans Dorogaya, we have to be quiet," she whispers, you nodding in agreement but moving your hand to keep hers pressed against your mouth, enjoying the idea of her keeping you quiet.

Her fingers go back to teasing you through the soaked fabric, her index finger circling your clit slowly through the material, your hips trying to grind against her while her hand muffles the lewd noises that escape you, your eyes admiring her as she gazes at your submissive state, dominance radiating off of her.

"I love you," she rasps out, another noise being ripped out of your throat because fuck that was hot. Normally when she'd say the words, your heart would melt a little, warmth filling you but as her fingers slid your panties down, her voice low and raspy, you couldn't stop the gush of arousal that settled between your thighs, desperate for her touch. "I love you so much," she purrs out, her fingers swiping through your folds, gathering the abundance of arousal there and coating her digits in it, slowly sliding them up and down your entrance to tease you. "I love this body so much," she moves her mouth to your ear, whispering in a sultry tone directly into your ear, your mind fogged with the thought of her.

"Please," the plea is muffled by her hand, the older woman still hearing it and smirking to herself at how needy you were for her, your hips trying to move up in search of more friction.

"I love how it reacts to my touch," she continues her torment, you groaning against her hand as she brushes the pad of her finger over your clit, your hips bucking up suddenly, emphasising her point. "How it gets so desperate for me," she moans lowly against the shell of your ear when she slides a finger inside you, the warm and wet feeling surrounding her digits so hot to her. You moan against her palm at the feeling of her long, slender digit filling you up, teasingly pulling it back out at a leisurely pace before thrusting it back in and curling it against your g-spot, Wanda being patient with you and trying to drive your body mad with her slow, deliberate pace. "How you get so desperate for me," she can feel your hand pressing against her side, holding onto her as if your life depended on it.

She lowers her mouth to kiss your neck again, her sucking gently on the skin, not hard enough to leave a mark but enough to have you whimpering at the feeling of her mouth on you, another finger effortlessly sliding into your soaking core.

The feeling of her fingers stretching you, pumping into you a little faster caused pleasure to wash throughout your body, a desperate noise leaving you when she curled them both beautifully inside you, hitting a spot you didn't even know existed.

"Fuck, you like that Dekta?" she sighs out sinfully, her tone low and raspy, accent lacing her words in the best way possible and fuck you were lost in the thought of her, nothing but the feeling of her inside you floating around in your mind. "You take my fingers so well," Wanda murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before moving her mouth back to your ear, knowing how much it turns you on, taking a risk with her next words. "I can't wait to fill you up with a strap on one day."

A broken moan escapes you at her filthy words, the idea of her fucking into you flashing across your mind, clenching down hard and desperately around her fingers, back arching against her body.

"To take you from behind, have you begging me to come," she can tell how much you like the idea by the way your hips move frantically against her hand, her palm brushing your clit with each buck of your hips, driving you closer towards your powerful release. "You'd love that, wouldn't you?" she teased and its condescending but you love it, nodding against her body as her dirty talks continues, both of you enjoying this new dynamic "You want me to treat you like my little slut," A loud moan is ripped from the back of your throat, Wanda's hand only just muffling the lewd sound, her fingers mercilessly thrusting into you as she can feel you're teetering on the edge of pleasure. "Come on Detka, come all over my fingers, make a mess on them," on command, your body tenses against her, a string of moans muffled by her palm as your legs tremble against her hands, thighs closing around it as you ride out of your aftershocks, body still shaking a little at how powerful the release was, pleasure and euphoria coursing through your veins, body slumping against hers.

She carefully moves her hand, pressing her lips to yours softly, your body still trying to recover as it still trembles ever so slightly. The older woman murmurs sweet, soft words to coax you back to reality as your head rests at the crook of her neck, panting against the warm skin before pulling back, meeting her softened gaze and claiming her lips passionately but gently. Your hand cups her cheek, deepening the kiss to make it even more intimate, the moment becoming tender and slower.

"Wanda," you sigh out and it's just about audible, your eyes fluttering open as you pull back from the kiss, gazing lovingly into her eyes, the pools of green overflowing with care. You hesitate a little on your words, building up the courage to say what you've been wanting to for ages while admiring her. The moonlight gently illuminates her skin, her green eyes watching with a tenderness as her fingers caress your cheeks, her lips tugging up into a soft smile that adorns her features perfectly. "I love you," you whisper, honesty and passion lacing the words, her smile widening before she leans forwards to claim your lips.

It's soft, it's passionate, it's intimate, it's different from every other kiss you've had and it's addictive. When she pulls back, you surge forwards to claim her lips again, needing to feel them pressed against you, your body turning so that you were straddling her lap, making it easier to claim her lips over and over again. Only when air becomes necessary do you both reluctantly part, both of your chests rising and falling with ragged breaths as you lean your forehead against hers, eyes fluttering shut.

"I love you Detka," she whispers in response, a smile engraved on her face at hearing you say the words, knowing that you were ready and comfortable enough to say them, making her heart melt even more. "Say it again," she whispers playfully, a small laugh escaping you, lips pressing against her briefly.

"I love you," you murmur, her lips stretching into an even bigger smile, "I love you so much Wanda Maximoff, you're all I ever want." She presses her lips back to yours, smiling into the kiss which causes you to as well, the both of you just smiling against each other, your face moving to the crook of her neck, her arms snaking around your waist to pull you closer, savouring the soft embrace.

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

I was exactly halfway into my second pregnancy, and up until that point, we were so ecstatic to be expecting again — a baby we’d been praying for. We kept talking about and imagining the joy it would be to bring our new baby home to meet our 2-year-old daughter. But at my 20-week ultrasound, a day that is supposed to be full of excitement and awe, we received devastating news. Our baby, a second daughter, had many severe and insurmountable skeletal and organ issues. Fetal specialists told us that it was extremely unlikely she could survive because all her major organ systems had significant development issues. We were blindsided and heartbroken, and yet somehow clear-minded. We chose to do what we believed was best for our unborn daughter as well as for our family; because that is what you do as parents. And we saw the choice we ultimately made as an act of love for her. We respect and honor that other parents have chosen — and will continue to choose — the only other option our doctor suggested to us — to let the pregnancy take its natural course and provide specialist or palliative care as needed. And that is the point. Individuals and their families — no matter where they happen to live — must be able to make the best choice for them. They need to be free to choose their own act of love. I believe now more than ever that anyone’s reason for seeking an abortion is valid. Who are we to say it isn’t? What we didn’t know when we made our decision was that in addition to being so difficult emotionally, it would be made so much worse by the abortion bans recently enacted in Idaho. Because of these cruel laws, my Idaho doctors could not provide me with an abortion — something they could easily have done before Roe v. Wade was overturned — in my own community supported by family and friends. We had to spend the following days cold-calling countless clinics in nearby states where abortion is still legal, but found out that because of all the other new abortion bans in states across the country, many clinics had closed, most had no open appointments for several weeks, and still others considered my pregnancy, at 20 weeks, too far along for me to receive care. The thought of waiting out this pregnancy, possibly for weeks, or however long, while trying to get through the day working as a chiropractor and still being active and present for our toddler was more than I could handle. All I could think about was whether the daughter I was carrying was already suffering; my anxiety and sadness were overwhelming. We both felt hopeless and heartbroken until we reached a Seattle clinic with a last-minute cancellation. Although relieved, there was so much we had to do to get there in the haze of our grief. There were flights to make, hotels to book, a car to rent and medical care our health insurance would not cover because we were going out of state to access and receive it. One of the most tragic — and degrading — parts of our situation was knowing that people in my home state of Idaho believe this is acceptable, denying me bodily autonomy. We will always be grateful to the clinic and team in Seattle for offering us professional, compassionate care. I am a person of faith and for months after my abortion, I kept telling Brandon there had to be something positive that would come out of this experience. Several months later, I learned that the Center for Reproductive Rights was putting together a challenge to Idaho’s abortion laws, and I knew immediately that moving forward as a plaintiff in the case was something I had to do. I’m proud to be one of the many women and doctors challenging and broadening these laws. Physicians in Idaho must have greater discretion over when abortion exceptions are warranted, and the decision should be the patient’s in consultation with their doctors.

[koqabear]

I don't know, but I'm so excited for manipulative gyu.😩 is this a fic you're really writing??? I'm so excited!

IT IS ‼️‼️ i am also really excited, i can’t tell if it’s the extra burst of inspiration talking or if i’m fr gonna stick with this (the latter, i pray.)

anyways, here’s a sneak peek no one asked for !

___

You’re stuck with Beomgyu hours after that— even though your mother was able to calm you down, it seemed as though you were afraid of the boy for the rest of your time there; hiding behind any object that was able to cover your frame, hugging your bear tightly and using it as a shield to peek at him— averting your eyes frantically when he’d glance at you and meet your weary gaze. 

Despite your mother’s attempts to get the two of you— or rather, mostly you— comfortable around each other, you both seemed dead set on not wanting to interact with the other, resigned to stay in separate sides of the room and turning your back to him when your mother had to leave to fetch a toy Beomgyu insisted he left on the couch of one of the main rooms, not bothering to specify which one; you attempted to follow her, but she prevented you from doing so, a reassuring smile stuck on her face as she asked you to wait on the beanbag. 

If Beomgyu didn’t know any better, he could’ve confused you for a mannequin; frozen still, small hands gripping onto your stuffie and wide eyes keeping watch at the door— the sight was both parts intriguing and irritating, and the boy reluctantly found himself watching you, observing you carefully— even then, it seemed as though you didn’t even blink. 

“You’re such a scaredy-cat.” Beomgyu says loudly, point proven further from the way you flinch and snap your gaze over to where he sits on the bed; arms crossed petulantly, eyes narrowed and watching you intently, “Are you scared your mom left you here?”

The very thought is enough to have your eyes widening; only a year difference in age, Beomgyu ponders to himself, yet you seem extremely attached to your mother, and are quite gullible too— he frowns at the way your mind visibly seems to wander, thinking of scenarios that only cause you to panic— and though Beomgyu knows he should feel bad, he can only find himself wondering just how far he can take this. 

“You might just be stuck here forever,” he muses, pushing himself off the bed and walking over to you, standing before you and watching the way you try to deny his claims, albeit a bit hesitantly, “I think she got tired of you.”

You refuse to believe him— but it’s been a while, and your mother still hasn’t come back. The way he looks down at you makes you feel so small, his expression so sure and serious that you’re beginning to wonder the truth of his words; beginning to wonder if your mother really left you. 

“She abandoned you.” Beomgyu finishes, watching with cold eyes as your mind slowly succumbs to the possibility.

And after a moment, it happens. There it is again, he thinks to himself, watching your eyes well up and your expression screw into one of sorrow so effortlessly— he drinks it all in with fascination, never having seen someone who can spill tears and get so heartbroken on a whim; your fingers dig into your plush and your body shakes with hiccups, continuing to defend your mother weakly and saying that she will come back. 

“No she won’t,” Beomgyu says apathetically, watching the way your face twists into a frown and you attempt to fight back— but you’re believing him, and his interest is piqued, whispers telling him to see if he can get you to give up your fighting entirely, “you’re such a crybaby. She doesn’t like that. My mom says that kids like you are annoying. That no one wants a whiny kid.”

Through your messy sniffles and shed tears, you stop to think— could this be true? Beomgyu’s expression is blank even as your eyes finally meet his, solemn and unshaken, as though what he said is nothing but a universal truth— and the more you look at him, the more he looks at you, the more you believe it. 

Beomgyu can almost see something shatter within you; his lips upturn in a small smile. 

“I like you,” he suddenly says, bold and innocent as he reaches out to offer his hand; you blink, dazed, unsure of what to make of his words as you remain silent— blindly, you take his hand. “You’re weird. Let's go find your mom– she’s downstairs.”

He pulls you up before you can protest; he’s just a few inches taller than you, and you find yourself looking up as you trail after him, hugging your plush tightly with one arm— through shaky sniffles and stutters, you’re finally able to ask him a question. 

“You mean she didn’t leave me?”

Beomgyu scoffs. 

“No. I was lying. Couldn’t you tell?”

You shake your head petulantly, your stare burning into the boy’s side profile; the light that bleeds in from the floor-to-ceiling windows that line the hall almost casts a glow onto him, like a halo of sorts. You feel an odd sense of comfort.  

“No.”

For the second time today, Beomgyu’s lips quirk up into a miniscule smile. He nods. 

“Cool.”

___

[mylight-png]

Hello. I have been really depressed these past three weeks. In over twenty years of my life I do not remember seeing as much antisemitism as I have in the past month. I am deeply disappointed in the world. I had a higher opinion of it, especially places like Europe, Britain and America. I had believed that when we said "never again", we really had meant "never again". But I was wrong.

It turns out, that our history, and history of Israel has been lied about and twisted into something unrecognizable in universities and mass media, and the world just allowed it to happen. It turns out, that when Jewish people are massacred, people still rejoice in our deaths, using new lies to justify their hatred than the ones they used in WW2. It turns out that the world hates the idea of a Jewish state, it does not want us to have a country of our own, and so will look for any excuse to disparage our state, holding us to an impossible standard that cannot ever be realistically achieved.

We were not given the chance to mourn October 7th. We were not allowed to do so. Almost immediately the world rejoiced, came out in these "Pro-Palestine" protests — even before Israel had retaliated. Called the horrific massacre "resistance". Victim blamed us with the fictional fairytale of "75 year old oppression". Dismissed our grief with "Yeah well but the Palestinian deaths—". Screamed "From the River to the Sea". These were the words we heard on the 7th and 8th of October as news of our people's deaths were reaching us in real time. How can anyone support this so-called "Pro-Palestine" movement after that? Are we still hated this much?

I have already lost someone I considered a friend over this. She started reposting antisemitic lies, calling us "colonial settlers", parroting the Khazar conspiracy theory about Ashkenazi jews (which I am), making absurd claims about how we weren't indigenous, and how Israel does not have the right to exist and how we should cede control to the Palestinians and then live in "their" state, under "their" government. Yeah, we have already seen on the 7th how that idea would go. I was especially disheartened, because she is a person of color, as a fellow minority, I thought she would know better and would know what it's like to be hated over something you can't control...

I still may lose another friend. Recently, she has written me "It looks like Israel is enjoying this! They used this as an excuse!" I have tried to educate her and she seems to have listened, but I doubt my words will be enough. I know where she has gotten these lies, with the mass media continuously airing unverified statistics posted by Hamas controlled institutions all the while sneering at every shred of evidence Israel publishes. I'm tired. I do not believe I can fight against this continuous stream of lies. I'm tired and heartbroken that this is happening to us again.

I always wondered how the world ever bought these lies about how we were responsible for Germany's economic crisis and how we controlled world governments. Now I know. Because it's happening again. Just with new lies. And everything we've seen in WW2: the marking of Jewish homes, the pogroms, the persecution - it's all happening. Again.

I'm sorry for this extremely depressing message. My father, my grandmother and I no longer feel safe in this world. And we feel silenced lest we become victims as well.

I have nothing to add to this, it is as if someone wrote out my thoughts and feelings for me.

I wish and pray for safety for you and your family in this time when safety is an uncertain luxury. We have outlived them before, we will outlive them again. We meant "never again" when we said it, and I know our community well enough to know we follow through.

Am Yisrael chai

[venusbby]

hii! what would the reactions of bllk boys be if they found their s/o being insecure about their body? you can do scenarios or hcs or anything! :D

my first request i am absolutely sobbing .

since it wasn't specified which characters, i just wrote for the first bllk characters i thought of when it came to this idea. thankyou for requesting! <333

♡ characters: isagi yoichi, itoshi sae, kunigami rensuke ♡ warnings: mentions of insecurities, crying (not too detailed) gender of the reader isn't really specified, not proofread.

ISAGI YOICHI ☆

this man is heartbroken

and also very very confused

though isagi is always so understanding, he kind of does miss the point of your insecurity at first

because to him you are genuinely so beautiful and he doesn't fully get the whole image that you don't see yourself the way he sees you

but thats just what happens initially when he randomly comes into the room to find you staring at yourself in the mirror

he's so lost but it won't stop him from getting straight to the problem and carefully questioning you about what's bothering you

and once he hears you out, he just feels extremely stupid for not being there when you went through all of that alone

after that he's not going to ever leave you alone lol

he's a natural when it comes to comforting even if he does need a little push at the start

talks to you so softly and don't even get me started on how hard he tries to make you feel better about yourself

it almost makes you cry tbh

isagi is the best boyfriend ever

he sits you down, palm soothingly rubbing your back while you guys talk

ugh. i want him. sorry. back to it

he'll always reassure you in the most endearing ways ever

he doesn't even need to say anything actually. you can see it in his eyes how much he loves you for who you are and how much it hurts him that you feel this way

this man will be your footstool if he has to, but he will definitely not let you be insecure because you're literally his hardcore crush and he's in love with everything that is you. (you've been in a relationship for years idk what he's talking about but anyway 💀)

also he is such a lovesick idiot that he won't tolerate any nonsense from you about your appearance

"shut up, you look beautiful."

and then you're like "but my-"

"nO, be quiet. you're fucking beautiful"

he's aggressive with it but in an adorable way lol

it obviously takes time to get over your insecurities, but with a sweet lover like isagi yoichi, you're going to be just fine in some time.

and also if you're insecure about your thighs specifically.........

you probably know what the deal is with isagi and thighs. goodluck <3

ITOSHI SAE ☆

ah, this guy

he's very lowkey about it but does try to make you feel better

more than anything he feels shocked to discover that you're insecure about your body

in his perspective its like "i love your body. what's wrong with it"

when you open up to him he feels more in sync with your feelings

it is pretty unusual to see your boyfriend being this affectionate

but you're not complaining 😭

he really wants to help and is kind of shy at first (doesn't show it; typical sae) but when he realises that you're staring at him with this immense amount of love, he's gone

you know him so well and its obvious that since you're in a relationship with him, you are used to how he is

so when you see that he really does not want you to deal with this by yourself, you can't help but feel so lucky and yeah basically you just want to kiss him until he can't function

but let's keep that to the side and focus more on how he handles it

sae prefers physical stuff more than having to say stuff

not sure if i make sense.

he's so much more confident in what he can do than what he can say

he just holds you. yup.

if you feel like just staying silent and clinging to him, u got it

or if you want to cry, u got that too

he's going to be like your personal pillow

and this is just for helping you get your emotions out (if needed)

he's gonna do it all fr

doesn't matter what you're insecure about

sae is going to make sure you know how much he is in love with you lol

as unbelievable as it sounds he's ready to get on his knees and tell you everything and anything he loves about you both physical features as well as your personality

but he's itoshi sae and he isn't very good with his words (unless he's shit talking on the pitch)

so get ready to be held and kissed

you might get caught off guard but again, seeing him trying his best to show how much he loves you and how much he adores your body makes your face heat up

not to mention how he looks at you like you're the most important part of his life

im being fr he is in love and he is not afraid to show it

once he gets to know about your insecurities he's going to kiss them away (LITERALLY) hope you're not ticklish—

don't forget to kiss him too :') he may be itoshi sae but still, he deserves some love

he'll always casually compliment you on the most simple or the most tiny things (whatever it is you're not feeling too good about) as if he's totally forgotten that he spent all day yesterday leaving lil kisses everywhere (ahem get your mind out of the gutter but don't do it if you dont want to ig 😰)

i love him. so should you.

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE ☆

again, another confused baby

not for more than 4 mins tho

he is smart. he figures it out pretty quickly that you're spiraling when he sees you scrolling through your pictures with an unfamiliar expression

big big sweetheart

he hesitates to approach you about it at first because from what he thinks, you're not showing him any signs that you're troubled

he just doesn't want to hurt you or anything like that by bringing it up because he thinks that you don't want to talk to him about it

he gets why

but still

he's your boyfriend and he wants to help :(

eventually he finds a solution for it by speaking his mind

which means that when you walk into the room, regardless of where you are or who is with you, he's gonna compliment you

he's not making them up just to make you feel better— he's actually just saying the things he thinks every time he sees you

[crying, screaming, screeching]

soon after, he quietly talks about it when you guys are just lying in bed all warm and cozy, caressing your cheek and testing the waters to make sure he won't overstep boundaries

[crying continues]

once he asks you, you're just letting go of your emotions and talking to him about your insecurities while he just listens— he doesn't want to interrupt you

after that he will definitely make your eyes sting with his gentle words lol it totally depends like.. if you're a person who cries a lot or not. he's so good with his words and he didn't even know that until he was speaking to you and falling in love all over again watching your face slowly bloom

saying the right things, doing the right things, that's kunigami for ya

physical touch is also his thing so don't be surprised if he just hugs you and reminds you that he's in love with how you look today or how pretty your outfit looks or just anything that will let him see you smile and shove him away playfully

be lucky you have a kunigami because whew he is so cute

sigh. can you tell im in love with them?

[hellosweetart]

Oh wait! I have another idea for the asylum ending.

Even though Nacha and Anastacha were traumatised after Francis kidnapped them, they go to the mental institution to see him one last time for closure. Once they reach the asylum, they see Francis at his lowest. Completely disheveled, his mental stability declined tremendously and way more delusional than ever. Francis would be ecstatic to see them again, even banging on the glass doors to touch them.

Nacha finally has the courage to tell him that she doesn’t love him anymore. Anastacha stand up to her father. She calls him a monster and never considered Francis her father anymore. Upon hearing this, Francis was extremely heartbroken. It brought back a really painful memory when his hysterical mother threw hot water at him, called him a monster and yells that she could never love him because he looks too much like his abusive father. As Nacha and Anastacha said their final goodbye, a frantic and hysterical Francis kept screaming and crying at them as he bangs on the glass door, “WAIT! COME BACK YOU TWO! HOW DARE YOU BOTH BETRAY ME!!! NACHA HOW COULD YOU DO THIS ME!!! I’M YOUR HUSBAND!!! YOU SHOULD LOVE ME!!! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!!! ANA!!! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE YOUR FATHER LIKE THIS!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU’RE HURTING ME!!! HOW DARE YOJ LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!! LOOK WHAT YOU’VE BOTH DONE TO ME!!! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU BOTH!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO MEEEEE!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!! COME BACK!!! NACHAAAAAAA!!! ANASTACHA!!! PLEASE!!! I STILL LOVE YOU…!!!

The medical assistants restrain Francis as he tries to escape as he cries out for both of them, sedate him then lock him back in his white room, where Francis spends the remainder of his days in a catatonic state until he dies.

Or! The next idea I considered is that Francis cleverly escapes the asylum without or after the two girls visit. He tracks them down after so long because Nacha and Anastacha had moved far away and changed their names to protect themselves. Then Francis kidnaps them and holds them hostage. He makes them fully dependent on him until they develop Stockholm syndrome. Finally Francis can have the happy family he always dreamed of, in a twisted sort of way.

Another way that I can spin this is after Francis kidnaps the two girls, Anastacha calls him a monster. Once again, it reminds him of that traumatic memory with his mother. So he finally snaps, screams at the girls for being like the rest of the people who hurt him and dismembers their body. In his extremely delirious and deluded state, Francis in the midst of his mental breakdown realised he can just start over. He’ll build his own happy family. He’ll make them love him.

So Francis stitched up his ex wife and daughter’s body together in a Frankenstein manner and sits together with their rotting bodies, happily watching tv together. In another morbid way, Francis still got his happy family.

“I love you both so much. You both love me too, right?”

On the part where he's been calling Nacha and his daughter to come back while the medical assistants are restraining him, he is like this:

I may sorry feel for him for what he has gone through, especially with his history of abuse, but at the same time, I can't blame Nacha and Annie to leave him after the trauma he has inflicted on them.

But of course, if he is able to escape the asylum and tracked them both, well.... He is happy again, in a dark, twisted way.

"Now...we can always be together."

(Nacha is looking through you, as if she is asking for your help.)

Sadly, I can't draw the two corpses with him. Lol, I am too weak for that.

[bubbipond]

OK but why am I seeing on Twitter and Tumblr people saying that Tonkla did not love Korn as much as Korn loved him?? Did we watch the same show? Let’s not act like Korn was boyfriend of the year. Tonkla didn’t just wake up one morning and decided to be a murderer. He also didn’t force Korn to also cheat on him??? Korn was choosing his family and the life he lived his whole life over love the entire time. You can argue that love wasn’t more important than revenge to Kla but you can’t argue that he didn’t love and care about Korn or vice versa.

He literally took a bullet for him. He did not have to do that. He knew his time was running out. You don’t do things that Tonkla did in this show and expect to live happily ever after. In my opinion, they had the most realistic end to a dark series. You can love someone and want to be with them, but fate not be in your corner. They were both in retrospect too deep into their individual lives to not die and I find that extremely heartbreaking. To be honest if two people deserve a happy ending it was probably them because their issues were not entirely made by them. Their situations were directly influenced by other people (technically so was Greats but he ended up happy so).

But I feel like deducing everything between Korn and Kla to just a revenge plot is a lack of critical thinking. I know that’s a buzz word and I’m not just saying that because throughout the airing of the series I have been like, “I support Kla’s wrongs and his rights”. But instead, I am saying this because he and Korn are not their actions. They are who they are because of other peoples actions. Kla couldn’t move on with his life after his brother died because there was no justice. He definitely needed therapy and he should not have been going around murdering people or attempting to. But that was a direct Issue stemming from his brother’s death. Korn didn’t want to be the head of the family. He didn’t want to be a crappy brother or a crappy boyfriend. He didn’t want to marry that girl whose name escapes me.

And at the end of it, they were both willing to look at each other and be like you know what!? We are Thelma and Louise, we are Bonnie and Clyde. In the most tragic ways possible. I think that’s the reason they kind of stole the last episode. All of their shit was out there. Neither one of them were cowards and neither one of them were good people. Maybe they were at one time but life and the choices they made changed that. I think their end was perfect because they both succeeded and failed at their motives at the end of the day. Neither one was where they were in the beginning at the end of it all.

Marrying that woman wasn’t going to miraculously make Korns life easier. In the end, she cut her losses anyway. The marriage didn’t help her at that point. So where did he have to go? The revelation that Kla was the one to shoot Great and that Great was part of his brother’s murder didn’t diminish how they felt about each other. It just complicated everything. Attempting to murder the people responsible for his brother’s death didn’t bring Kla solace. It didn’t bring his brother back and if anything it just made life shittier. At the end of the day, there was no out for either of them. They would both still have to pay for things they did and did not do. So even though their story ended, they still had a better ending. They still love each other despite the tough situation they were in.

My favorite part of that last scene is Bas’ facial expressions when he hears everything from Kla. He’s not heartbroken, or angry, he’s not bewildered, Or jealous. He’s all of the above and you can see it written on his face so perfectly. Bas really knows how to show emotion on his face and I love him for that; especially the mix of feelings between the revelation and him pointing that gun. He wasn’t questioning whether or not Kla loved him because what did Kla have to gain from keeping him around at the point of him running? This man was exhausted. He was tired of everything and everyone he was tired of the cards that they all have been dealt up until that point. He knew pointing that gun was a bad idea. But their backs were against the wall and there was nothing left to lose. Until there was. He had to watch the love of his life take a bullet for him. So I will not sit here and let people act like Kla was this master manipulator who only wanted revenge.

Because the saddest part about all of this is, it was just a very unfortunate circumstance that intertwined Great and Dome.

[statelysapphic]

Made for Me

Alex Blake x Reader

Summary: After risking your life to save a victim, Alex shows you the comfort you need. Soulmate AU. Covers a square for @prentiss-theorem’s bingo!

Warnings: Typical BAU case talk, mentions of violence. Hurt/comfort. Slight angst.

A/N: I just thought Alex Blake deserved her own Soulmate AU, so I wrote one. I’d absolutely love to know what yinz think because I got SO carried away while writing this. But, I am happy with how it turned out. As always, feedback is always appreciated! Thank you<3

Word Count: 3k

Ao3 Link

“What were you thinking?” Hotch gritted through his teeth, clearly trying not to lose his temper entirely. You knew he was more frustrated than angry, and you supposed he had every right to be. Instead of heading back to the precinct to wrap up an excruciating case, you were sitting on the back bumper of an ambulance, nursing a fresh oxygen tank, drenched and freezing. “Well?”

“Oh, that wasn’t rhetorical?” You quipped, moving the mask away from your face. “Figured it was a nice evening for a swim,” dripping in sarcasm.

“This isn’t the time.” Hotch snapped, rolled his eyes, and shot you a stern look. You weren’t having it, though, wishing until you were at least dry to reprimand you. You looked at him, disgust washing over you.

“Well, I was thinking about the unconscious, tied-up, redhead Nichols tossed off the dock, when none of the women in the county missing reports had red hair! He abducted her this morning, Hotch, she hadn’t even been missing long enough to file a report!”

“You unnecessarily risked your own life to ‘rescue’ a dead body from fourty degree water,” he barks back, not thrilled with your response. “The ME said she won’t be able to verify it until the autopsy, but she’s almost certain the victim was dead before she hit the water. Your decision was reckless and uncalc-”

“And what if she hadn’t been?” You interrupt. “What if she had still been alive and she drowned, huh? What then?” You knew you shouldn’t have been pushing his buttons like you were, but then again, he came in swinging. “I watched him toss her in the river and reach for his gun, Blake and I fired, and when he went down, I dove in after her. You may disagree, but I would do it again without hesitation.” You stood firm, reminding him that you were not the inexperienced agent you once were.

“I’d rather have river rescue only looking for one body as opposed to two. Get some rest. Wheels up at 8.”

You watched Hotch as he walked away and stopped to talk to Alex. Alex. She witnessed everything. She was still somewhat new on the team, but the two of you clicked instantly. You could listen to her talk about everything and nothing, for hours on end, and be simply enthralled every second. And though she was older than you, you had a lot of mutual interests. You also thought she was beautiful. For a moment, you wondered if she could be your soulmate, but that thought was quickly forgotten when you reminded yourself that she was married, and that almost no one actually finds their soul mate. You knew you weren’t lucky enough to be the one in a million. Besides, you and Alex had been working in tandem for the past month, and though you can’t recall specifics, you’re certain the two of you have touched at some point in passing, and you lacked a soulmark.

Dylan Nichols, the unsub, had been one of the lucky ones. His luck, however, ran out when his soulmate had an affair, left him, married the other man a few months later, and moved to Prague. Heartbroken and enraged, Nichols began abducting and murdering surrogates. Six of his seven victims had similar physical features to his estranged soulmate. The seventh woman, Anna, fell victim to his very rapid and extreme escalation. It was an exhausting case, and though you don’t enjoy having to play the role of executioner, you knew this was probably the best outcome.

“You look cold,” Alex said, catching your attention and breaking your train of thought, raking her eyes over your visibly shivering figure. Without another word, she held up a blanket, unfolded it, and wrapped it around your shoulders. “Here, I found this in the back of the SUV. It won’t dry your clothes, but it should help keep the wind off you until we get back to the hotel.” She smoothed out the blanket where it was lying on your shoulders, allowing her hands to linger for just a moment. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t struck with terror when you jumped into the river to save the victim. Even though it was spring, the water temperature was still near freezing. It was close to midnight if that hadn’t been enough, meaning the ordinarily murky water was pitch black.

“Thanks,” you said, grinning, trying not to focus too hard on Alex’s lingering hands. She was gentle, but firm. Possessive, almost. You examined her face as she took a seat beside you. She was trying to hide the worry, but you could see right through her. “You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?” You asked, preparing for her to lecture you just like Hotch.

“I think your dedication to your job is admirable,” she said, her gentle tone did not falter, “Just don’t make a habit of scaring me like that, okay?” She grinned, one hand still on your shoulder. Whether or not Alex would admit it, the physical contact was grounding her after the intense showdown with the unsub. She cared about you, she reminded herself that you were okay. “I’m going to go start the SUV, get it warmed up for you. Finish up with the paramedics and we can head back to the hotel.”

“You’re too good to me, Blake,” your chuckled, cracking a small grin, “Thank you, seriously. I’ll be there soon.” She smiled at you for a few seconds longer before she stood up and made her way to the car. You smiled as you covered your face with the oxygen mask, thinking only of the warm SUV (and Alex Blake) that awaited you.

~

The paramedics released you shortly thereafter. Alex drove you back to the hotel, but not before she stopped at the convenience store a few blocks away. You had been so lost in your own thoughts that you hadn’t realized you stopped. You didn’t even realize the car was in park until Alex closed her car door and walked into the store without a word. When Alex returned, she placed two small, styrofoam cups in your respective cup holders.

“What’s this?” You asked, picking up the cup and soaking in its warmth.

“I figured we could use some hot chocolate. You especially. It’s shitty convenience store hot chocolate, but it’s what I have to offer at the moment,” she said, “When we get back to Virginia, I’ll make you the best coco you’ve ever had.”

“Be careful, Blake,” you joked, “You may end up stuck with me at this rate. Thank you, I didn’t realize you were a world class hot chocolate chef.” Not that that was the worst thought in the world, spending the rest of your days with Alex. You imagined they would be filled with domesticity: Sunday grocery store trips, evenings in bed reading the same book (you’d buy two copies, of course) and comparing notes along the way, and people watching on the front porch together while you had your morning coffee. It felt easy, existing with Alex. She brought you a peace that only existed with her, and it was unlike anything you had ever known. Such a stark contrast from the day to day chaos of your job.

“You think I’d mind?” She asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking. “And I have to keep you on your toes somehow. The recipe is from my mother-in-law. Apparently James used to love it as a kid, but lost the taste for it as he grew older.” James. Right. The husband. Jealousy washed over you, and you quickly reminded yourself that she wasn’t yours. You didn’t understand how you formed such a connection with Alex in the month she had been with the BAU, but you felt drawn to her from the moment she walked into the bullpen. She was, undoubtedly, the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, and when you heard her voice, you thought you had died and gone to heaven. You wouldn’t say you were in love with Alex, but you were falling for her. There was no denying that.

You wondered if James was her soulmate, if she had a soulmark that beautifly painted her skin. It wasn’t something people talked about very often, many not even believing in such a thing, because of it’s rarity. You weren’t sure if it was appropriate to ask either, so you opted to stay quiet.

The ride back to the hotel was silent. You were too lost in your own thoughts to hold a conversation, and Alex could tell. This was a behavior you hadn’t exhibited before. She hoped you were just exhausted and that you hadn’t been traumatized by the evenings events, though she knew it was fueling your thoughts. She didn’t want to pry, but she was worried, so she parked the car and spoke up. “What’s on your mind, Agent?” She lightly teased, hoping it would help you open up, “And you can’t tell me nothing, because I can tell it’s something.”

“I guess,” you paused, wanting to provide a coherent thought while still being vague, “It’s the whole soulmate thing. I guess I just think it’s a little fucked up the universe handcrafted the perfect other half for every single person on Earth but couldn’t even make the bond between them unbreakable.”

“I supposed I’d have to agree with you,” she replied, pulling into the hotel parking lot “I also think it’s a bit cruel that the chances of finding ones soulmate is as low as it is. At least give people a chance.” You chuckled at her sentiment.

“Is James your soulmate?” The words are out of your mouth before you can even begin to debate asking her. Your eyes go wide and your stomach twists into a knot. Panicking, you manage, “Fuck, you don’t have to answer that. That’s super personal and I shouldn’t have asked.” Alex didn’t seem to be phased by your question, though.

“No, he’s not. And that’s okay,” she smiled, “But, secretly, there is a part of me that hopes I do someday.”

“Me too,” you replied, “Ever since I was little. I’ve always remained realistic about the odds of it actually happening, but I allow myself to dream a little.” You chuckled for a moment before lifting your styrofoam cup and pushing it towards Alex, “Here’s to dreaming, cheers.” Alex lifted her cup, bumping it into yours with a laugh.

“Cheers.” You both take hefty swigs of your now lukewarm hot chocolate before heading into the hotel for the night.

~

Conveniently, you had been bunked up with Alex for this case, so she was able to ensure you made it to bed safely. She walked you into the hotel room, her hand at your lower back, guiding you forward.

“Go take a warm shower and get out of those wet clothes. You’ll feel much better, trust me.” She took the blanket from you as you unwrapped yourself, and placed some fresh towels in your hand. You felt your eyes begin to well up and burn; the care she was showing you was unlike any you’ve received before. You felt safe and loved. You quickly turned your head to try and hide your emotion and made your way to the bathroom.

“Thank you again, Alex. I hope you know how much I appreciate your kindness.” you said before closing the bathroom door and clicking the lock.

Finally.

You were alone. Tears began to stream down your face as you looked at your reflection in the oversized bathroom mirror. You looked like hell. You were damp, muddy, and cold to the touch. Your lips, though returning to their normal pink, were still a light shade of blue around portions of their perimeter. All in another days work you think to yourself. You open the door to the walk-in shower and turn the water on to let it heat up. You inhaled deeply and closed your eyes as you began to remove your soiled clothes. Once your shirt and slacks were off, you made your way back over to the mirror to check for any cuts or bruises. Amongst your dirty form, however, sat two golden yellow and orange hand prints on either shoulder.

It can’t be. You stop dead in your tracks, unsure of what to do next. Instinctually, you rubbed your hand over your shoulder, trying to clean the print off, but it wasn’t working. Then you jumped into the shower, thinking the hot water and cheap hotel soap might do the trick. Of course that didn’t work, ruining your hopes it was just a sick prank or some sort. They were your soulmarks, and Alex was your soulmate. You knew instantly, remembering how she covered you up earlier. There was no denying it. Now you were faced with the task of telling her. You know it isn’t something you can hide forever. Panic takes over you. You know she wants to know who her soulmate is, and she deserved that, but you also know that she wouldn’t choose you. She said it herself, James wasn’t her soulmate, but she was okay with it. A knock at the door grabbed your attention.

“Everything okay in there?” She yelled,” You’ve been a while. I just started to worry, that’s all.” You hadn’t realized how long you had been in the shower, and now you felt guilty for keeping Alex up so late.

“All good, sorry, I’ll be out in a few.” You quickly turned the shower off and grabbed a towel to dry off. As you walked from the shower to the bathroom sink, you realized you forgot to grab your pajamas, so you were going to have to face this head on and nude. “Fuck,” you whisper to yourself. You looked back at your now clean reflection, admiring the marks on your shoulders. You couldn’t help but smile. Though you knew it would hurt like hell, you knew Alex deserved to know the truth. You took a deep breath and made your way into the room.

Alex was sat on her bed, hair pulled back in a clip, glasses hanging low on her nose, reading the book she usually saves for the plane ride home. She looked beautiful. You enjoyed this image of Alex for a moment longer. “Alex?” You said softly, drawing her attention away from her novel. She looked up at you and smiled. Her eyes flickered to each of your shoulders and then back to your eyes. Wordlessly, she placed her book on the nightstand, followed by her glasses, and stood from the bed. She slowly made her way over to you, never breaking eye contact. You were frozen in place, thoroughly studying her face. She didn’t seem to be upset in any capacity, nor was her emotion negative. She seemed curious and, dare you say, excited? The tightness in your chest loosened and your face flushed red.

Once in front of you, she paused for a moment before slowly raising her hands and placing them on your shoulders, perfectly covering your soulmarks.

“I knew it,” She whispered, smiling softly as tears prickled her eyes. “I knew you were made for me.” She moved one hand to cup your cheek, while the other remained on your mark. Alex had thought once or twice that you might have been her soulmate. There was no denying the connection she had with you, nor the attraction she felt towards you. And though she didn’t talk about it, she knew her marriage to James was over before she even started at the BAU. She cared about James, yes, but the two had grown apart over the years. She loved him, but she was no longer in love with him. You, however.

“I’m not sure what to say,” you replied, your smile wavering slightly. She was everything you wanted, but she was a married woman and your colleague, no less. You knew what you wanted, but you weren’t sure she would want the same. Would she think you were worth it? Alex noticed your hesitation, and pulled you closer. Her grip on you was possessive, as if she feared you would vanish from her arms.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, sweetheart.” You melted at the sweetness in her voice

and her choice of nickname. You would do anything she told you to, and that was a fact. “I need to know what’s going on in your head so that I can help.” She was so gentle. You knew if she rejected you it was going to hurt like hell and you didn’t want to risk losing a great friend.

“I don’t want to lose you, Alex. I know this changes things, but you’re too good of a friend to risk losing. You don’t even have to tell James. If you don’t have a soulmark already, I just won’t touch you and it’ll all be okay. But, I would be lying if I told you it wouldn’t hurt me. I care about you so much.” As you choked out your thoughts, you felt yourself begin to cry, but you didn’t stop yourself. Alex felt her heart breaking. “I wasn’t even going to tell you. I was going to try and hide it, but then I remembered what you told me in the car, and I didn’t think it would be right. I’m so sorry, Alex.”

“Sweetheart,” she says, interrupting your rambling, “Hold me.”

“What?” You weren’t sure you heard her correctly.

“I said,” she enunciated, closing the already small gap between the two of you, “Hold me. Please.” She grabbed ahold of your wrists and slowly wrapped your arms around her body. Your hands settled on her back knowing her soulmark would appear, and you pulled her close anyway, not that she could get much closer. You relaxed at her touch, as her hands returned to your shoulders and she rested her forehead against yours. “I want this,” she said, “Us. You and I against the world.”

“Alex,” you paused, “Are you sure? You have a husband and a stable life. I’m just me. This doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to.”

“I’ve been falling for you since the first case we worked on together.” she jumped in before you could get another word out, “I don’t think I’ve been more sure of anything. Besides, only an idiot would pass up a life with their other half.” She smiled and you followed suit. You were shocked that she felt the same, considering it seemed all odds were against you. The two of you stood in each others arms there for a few minutes, basking in the love and excitement of the moment, before you broke the silence.

“Alex?” You asked.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Kiss me,” You said. And without hesitation, Alex cupped your face and her lips were on yours. They were soft, like the fluffiest pillows money could buy. You fit perfectly together. No other kiss had ever felt anything like it, and you could tell Alex was pouring her heart and soul into it. You knew she was trying to tell you that this was real for her. You didn’t need much convincing though. Breaking the kiss, you smiled at Alex, and she smiled back.

“Let’s get some rest,” she whispered. And you did, better than you probably ever had before, thanks to Alex. She had fallen asleep laying on your chest with an arm around your waist. When you woke up the next morning, she was still in the same spot. You felt whole knowing that you had she wanted you just as you wanted her. Though you didn’t like to think about the future too much, in that moment, you knew there wasn’t anything you couldn’t do with Alex by your side.