#i am. enjoying this little routine ice shoved myself into

[watch-out-it-bites]

Made so mucb preogress with the picrew...

[holidaywishes]

It’s Just A Scratch

  Summary: Mat gets into a fight at a game and ends up a little worse for wear.

  Author’s Note: I hate myself. For writing this. But, at the same time, I don’t. I felt like writing it, so I wrote it. Mat Barzal is not typically who I write for but after seeing him in that GIF, I just couldn’t help it. I hope you enjoy it and I wanna shout out @imbennguintrashbaby​ for introducing me to the “whumper” world lol.

  Warning: Smut, violence/hockey fights, maybe some fluff, a little bit of angst

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  It seemed like this was a game like any other. Not a playoff game, not a qualifier, just a regular season match against Pittsburgh. But as you sat there, surrounded by angry hockey fans, you realized how different this game felt from others. There was something in the air that you couldn’t ignore and it only became more apparent when Mat began shoving different players; only to be stopped by the whistle.

  “This isn’t like him...” you said to your friend, Grace, who was stress-watching the game with you, “do you think they’re saying something to him?”

  “Probably just typical game trash talk” Grace said and you shrugged to yourself. It was possible that’s all it was, The Islanders were down three in the final period and it didn’t seem like there was much more they could do with as little time as there was left in the game; a fact you were all too sure Mat was aware of by now as well. That being said, Mat was never the most aggressive player on the team but he seemed to be the one creating a lot of the tension, which made you feel like something was going on to irritate him. Once Mat overreacted to a seemingly routine penalty, you knew there was more going on so, you rushed down to the ice to try to get him to see you, in hopes that he would somehow calm himself down; it didn’t work.

  “MAT!” you yelled to him as he yelled at the ref, “MAT!!” When the puck finally came into the corner where you were standing, you thought you’d finally have a chance to get his attention. You were wrong. You understood, because he was focused, but at the same time you just wanted to get him to take a breath so he wouldn’t get hurt. Another whistle blew and you noticed Hörnqvist push Mat after saying something pretty pointed at him, forcing Mat to drop his gloves. You gasped when you saw Mat’s fist collide with Patric’s jaw and the two of them hitting each other as hard as they could as blood flooded the ice. It wasn’t long after that the final buzzer rang and the game was officially over, leaving you to decide whether you wanted to give Mat some space or meat him by the locker room

  “He’s probably gonna be pissed,” Grace said and you scoffed, “I’m serious. Let him just have the night. He’s got a giant cut on his lip and his eye is all bruised. I really don’t think he wants to deal with his girlfriend’s concerned face right now.” You scowled at her before biting the inside of your cheek and sent Mat a text

  “Wanna Netflix?” was all you could think of to say without getting too annoying

  “Maybe.. maybe it’s just better if I’m alone tonight” he replied and your heart sunk

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, (Y/N), I’m sure. That’s why I said it”

  “Fine. You don’t have to get all grumpy about it”

  “I’ll talk to you later, I have to see the medic”

  “Mat... I’m sorry. I love you”

  “I love you too.” You could feel his anger through the screen so you let him be for the rest of the night but that didn’t stop you from thinking about the entire game. You found yourself glued to YouTube videos that showed all the blood lost from Mat and Patric and the cameras zoomed in on your boyfriend’s bruised eye and cut up face. ‘Fuck it’ you said to yourself before grabbing your keys and phone and heading to see your boyfriend

  “What?” Mat yelled before he answered the door to find you there with worried eyes

  “Oh my god, Mat...” you said, reaching out to touch his eye

  “It’s nothing,” he sighed, pulling his face away from your touch and walking away from you, “it’s just a scratch”

  “A scratch?!” you shouted, closing the door behind you as you followed him in, “Mat, you’re bleeding and your eye is bruised and your lip is cut and--”

  “Yeah, (Y/N) I get it. Thanks for the recap” he said snidely

  “Why won’t you just talk to me? Let me help you!”

  “How are you supposed to help me? The damage is already done!”

  “Fine, I can’t help you.” You threw your hands up in exasperation before sitting on the couch

  “Babe...” he said quietly, letting out a sigh before coming to sit next to you, “I really am fine”

  “I know,” you sighed, head in your hands, before turning to him, “but why won’t you just talk to me?”

  “I don’t want to relive what happened during that game”

  “What was he saying to you?” you finally asked, “I’ve never seen you that agitated before...”

  “He was just chirping me the entire game and I.. I dunno, I just got fed up with it”

  “Was it all just typical game chirps? Or was it personal? It seemed personal...”

  “It’s always a little bit personal...”

  “So..” you tried, placing your hand on his knee, “what did he say?”

  “Can we not?” he sighed, falling back against the couch and you nodded to yourself, knowing you were starting to annoy him

  “Does it hurt?”

  “Not so much anymore... I took an Advil before you got here.” You pursed your lips side to side as you tried to think of what to say, lifting your legs up onto the couch to tuck yourself into his side

  “I don’t like you fighting” you said and Mat leaned in to give you a quick peck on the lips before smiling at you

  “That’s why I don’t do it very often” he laughed

  “I have to admit though,” you smirked, “seeing you fight like that? Made me feel... probably some way I shouldn’t have”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck and tangling your fingers in his hair, “absolutely primal.” You snickered before kissing him and he pulled you into his lap. Your lips attached themselves to his and they moved in tandem with Mat’s as his hands snaked their way down to your hips

  “Your lips taste sweet tonight” he smiled and you laughed

  “Do they not usually?”

  “Just more so today I guess” you giggled at his response before moving your lips to kiss the sensitive skin behind his ear, hearing his moans as your hands began to roam his body. He pushed his fingers under the hem of your shirt, lifting the fabric slowly up your skin as your lips found his again; the feeling of his hands cupping your covered breasts leaving you wanting more of his touch. He seemed to read your mind by the way his hands found the clasp of your bra, unhooking it easily and letting his warm hands cusp your breasts once more while your hands pushed the fabric of his t-shirt quickly over his head so to not lose any time with his lips, caressing his body gently as your fingers traced the curves of his ab muscles. When he flinched suddenly, you stopped what you were doing and pulled away from the kiss

  “What’s wrong?” you asked, panting slightly as your eyes bounced across his face

  “Nothing, I’m fine” he dismissed his pain, leaning in to try to continue the kiss but you stopped him, pushing him back until you finally noticed the bruise on his ribs

  “Oh my gosh...” you cooed, gently placing your fingers on the purple and green mark covering his skin, “why didn’t you say something?”

  “It doesn’t hurt...” he lied and you scoffed

  “Then why did you flinch?”

  “Fine.. it hurts a little but not enough for me to stop this” he smiled as his hands crept across your skin. You looked at him for a second before returning his smile, his eyes following you as you leaned down to lay a soft kiss to his bruise

  “That hurt?” you asked and he shook his head so you continued, stepping off of him so you could trace down his body easier, pushing down his shorts when you reached the elastic waistband. You teased him a little before standing up to push your own bottoms off, leaving you in only your underwear and you slowly straddled him once more; Mat’s lips trailing your chest as you lowered yourself onto him. Your tongue danced with his as you took his member in your hand to prepare him for your entrance and, as if your moans were your only language, you pushed him into you. He moaned at the feeling, wrapping his arms around your body and pulling his head to your breasts, nipping at your hardened peaks and you giggled at the sensation, riding his length slowly to make sure you weren’t causing him any pain

  “You’re not gonna hurt me you know?” he laughed

  “What?” you breathed, continuing to rock slowly up and down

  “You can go faster” he whispered

  “What? You got plans?” you joked as you stopped moving entirely

  “Hey, come on!” he groaned

  “What’s your rush, Matty?”

  “Nothing... I just like going fast” he smirked before crashing his thrusts up so you would continue riding him

  “Fuck, Mat!” you screamed, “slow down!” He leaned in to kiss your neck as your panting overtook the sounds in the room

  “Shit babe,” he cursed, “you look so good, fucking me like this.” You wanted to speak, to match his dirty talk, but it was like the wind had been knocked out of you and all you could do was whine. 

  “Hmm” you hummed pathetically, but it was about all the sound you could muster before you dropped your head to his shoulder as his fingers dug into your hip bones to push himself deeper into your core

  “Fuck” he moaned

  “Mat...” you breathed, kissing up his neck, your body beginning to shake

  “Cum for me,” he growled, “cum on my dick, baby.” His words were quick to make you come undone, biting his shoulder to muffle the sounds slightly and Mat laughed

  “Just don’t move for a second” you heaved, your chest rising and falling harshly against his

  “I love fucking you on the couch” he said, laughing at the shocked look on your face, “I love fucking you...”

  “Gee, thanks” you rolled your eyes before finally climbing off him and grabbing the blanket he’d had strewn across the back of the couch to wrap yourself up

  “I love you” he finally said, a honey smoothness to his words, before kissing the crown of your head

  “I love you, too,” you smiled to yourself before you decided to tease him a little, “but I like fucking you more”

  “Oh so you can say it but I can’t?”

  “You’re a good fuck, Barzal, what can I say?” He poked your sides and you jerked your body straight, laughing uncontrollably until Mat was hovering over you. You found yourself staring up at him, pressing gently at his bruised eye before he kissed you gently, “I really did hate seeing you in that fight. I hated opening the door and seeing you like this...”

  “I know, baby” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple as your hands settled on his chest

  “The sex was great though...”

  “Maybe I should get into fist fights more often?” he joked but you could only scowl at him

  “Please, don’t.”

  “Okay, okay, I won’t,” he smiled, “but I can’t promise I won’t end up with any more bruises.”

  “Fine. Just.. try not to okay?”

  “I’ll do my best.”

[egcdeath]

secret santa

pairing: ransom drysdale x f!reader

a/n: this is so self indulgent. SO SELF INDULGENT. more self indulgent than anyone will ever be able to comprehend. before u all read this, i want u to know it was originally supposed to be about training ransom at a job, but then i realized that i nothing about 1. working at a coffee shop and 2. training an employee. also, i am the worst at writing dialogue. so i didn’t write a lot of dialogue LMAO enjoy :)

also, half of this was written at 1 am. just a warning

warnings: coffee shop au, enemies (kinda) to lovers, a lil fluff, not really angst but bitter feelings, kinda slow burn and then all the sudden a fast burn i’m sorry 😭

word count: 2.6k

You woke up to the sound of your alarm rumbling your bedside table sometime around the asscrack of dawn, and rubbed your eyes with a groan. Sometimes, you really couldn’t stand your job, but bills didn’t really pay themselves, did they? You rolled out of bed, and began your dreaded morning routine before heading out to start your opening shift at your local café.

Somewhere between warming up the espresso machine and taking out last night’s trash (which you shouldn’t have had to do in the first place), an older, yet expensive looking car pulled up to the front of the parking lot. You were a bit confused, as you’d never seen this vehicle, and it was quite clear that you weren’t exactly open yet. You watched as a tall man hopped out of the car, wearing a large peacoat and very unnecessary sunglasses. He approached the door, gave it a knock, then waited for you to come open it for him. Reluctantly, you made your way over, and in order to keep yourself safe, began to speak through the glass.

“Can I help you?” You asked in an annoyed tone, then gestured towards the piece of paper that labeled your hours on the door. There was no reason for any customer to be here this early. You looked up at the mystery man and made a rather intense eye contact with him. If this was any indicator of your crowd today, work was going to be far from pleasant.

“Yeah, I was told that I’m starting today?” He had a wicked smirk on his face, like he knew he was getting under your skin already. You hated people like him, and couldn’t believe that he could possibly be your coworker. On the bright side, he probably wouldn’t last long in the first place.

“Well, are you sure you’re here on time? I can’t see any situation where Melissa would schedule to open for your very first shift.” You commented with a furrowed brow.

“Eh, I kinda just figured I’d come in whenever. The girl in my bed was an early riser, so I thought to myself ‘Why not just come in now?’” He said casually.

“Your name?” You inquired, trying to keep your annoyance to yourself, and put on a customer service smile.

“Hugh, or Ransom,” he responded. You turned around, allowed yourself a huff and eye roll, then walked through the kitchen, and into the break room to check if he truly was a new employee, or just some random creep. Sure enough, a bright pink post-it note in very neat handwriting confirmed this man’s existence. You made your way back to the door, unlocked it, and let him in.

“Since you’re here, you should… set down the chairs,” you told him, less than entertained by his presence. You could just tell he was bad news. This Ransom guy was like the textbook definition of a red flag. He talked your ear off while you tried to get through your opening routine, some casual remarks about his last hookup, complaints about how he only got this job because his mother was a regular and good friends with your manager, and how he was threatened to get cut out of his grandfather’s will if he didn’t get employed soon, and what better way to spite your family than to mess up their daily coffees.

Eventually, a few more of your coworkers, along with your manager, Melissa, made it to the café before the morning rush began. You were sitting down at your typical barstool spot, and sipping an iced Americano when Melissa broke the news to you that you would be training the new employee. Upon hearing the news, you audibly groaned, and rubbed your forehead. There was no way that you could handle this man.

-------

During his first week, Ransom not only managed to offer (and successfully give) six customers his phone number, break two mugs, mess up more orders than even Euclid could comprehend, and spill straws a multitude of times all over the floor, but he began to flirt with you relentlessly. You had no idea why you’d become his new target of choice, when it was clear that he could have literally anyone he wanted. Maybe he liked that you were playing hard to get.

If you were being honest, you had to accept that he was handsome. And rich. And the definition of a fuckboy. And since you were being frank with yourself, you had to acknowledge that you were attracted to that ‘toxic and will treat you like shit’ kind of guy. You had a roster of ex boyfriends to prove that for you.

---

It was a pretty slow Tuesday afternoon, which meant you were sitting on your phone until a customer placed an order. Eventually, the little bell above the door chimed, and an older man came through, ordering a dark and bitter drink, then standing by the counter to wait. You began to restock lids while Ransom took care of making the drink, and once it was ready, you passed it over to the man. The man in question took a rather large sip, then promptly spat it out.

“What the fuck is this!” He roared, barely giving you time to react before he proceeded to toss the drink at you, spilling most of the hot content on your apron.

You gasped, gawking down at your scorched and ruined clothing, then up at the customer, who’d turned around with a huff and left, leaving a stream of strong language on his way out. You bit back tears at the whole fiasco, and cringed as both the steamy drink, and your salty tears stung different parts of your body. You turned to look at the barista, who had passed you along the drink, and were met with no other than the white devil himself. It seemed that all the blood had drained from his already otherwise pale face.

“Oh my god, this is all my fault,” he began remorsefully. “Let me make it up to you somehow.”

“Whatever,” you huffed, running a hand through your hair, and shoving Ransom angrily while you more or less stomped into the staff bathroom.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and frowned before bringing up your bundled apron to your face and screaming into it. Stupid fucking customers. Stupid fucking job. Stupid fucking Ransom. It’s like he came to your job just to make it hell. You were tired of cleaning up all these messes for him, and honestly, you wish he’d just quit already. The longer you worked with him, the more tempted you were to pour sugar in his gas tank, then take a club and break all the windows in the Beemer.

------

For the next month, your brain was completely elsewhere at work. Your brain was constantly going back and forth with you between finding Ransom hot and horrendous. While the pair of you finished up closing one night, you heard your coworker begin to speak to you as you placed your hand on the keys in your pocket.

“I know you hate me, Y/N. I get it. What that guy did to you was awful, and yes it was my fault, but what else have I done to hurt you?” He asked, seemingly out of the blue. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Ignoring the man and demonizing him in your head had become almost a second nature. “I mean, I think we could’ve been good friends. Even though you seem to think I’m devil incarnate, I think you’re a pretty cool chick-“ he continued before being cut off by you.

“Why do you even care?” you burst out, “Ransom, you just don’t get it do you? You’re just.. a douchebag. I get it, you have your moments where you’re candid and open with people, but half of the time you’re talking, you’re objectifying someone. Or bragging about something you own. Don’t get me wrong, I could get past what you did to me on accident, but you seriously have to work on yourself,” the words just seemed to pour out without your control. “Goodnight, Ransom,” you said simply before leaving the café for the night.

——

Since that day, the tension between you and Ransom had evidently become more thick. Since he was finally finished training with you, you made sure to only speak to him if you absolutely needed to, and even then, you only communicated with him in brief and straightforward answers. Sure, it seemed like a small thing to be upset about, and sure, he’d apologized, but something told you that any excuse to stay away from Ransom was a good excuse.

Though he appeared to be an immoral and selfish man, he seemed genuinely sorry for all that he’d put you through. Occasionally, you’d be sitting in the break room and look up from your phone to see him watching you. When you’d make eye contact, he would look like he wanted to say something to you, but your petty ass would leave, or look back at your phone. He was bad news anyway.

Your boss quickly caught onto what was going on between the two of you, and usually, Melissa didn’t like to participate in petty drama, but your new sour mood was such a stark contrast from before, and it seemed to shift the whole mood of the café.

That afternoon, Melissa called for a team meeting a bit before closing, and suggested a family dinner along with a Secret Santa. She’d said something along the lines of ‘It’s been way too long since we’ve done a team bonding activity, and a gift exchange is perfectly fitting for the Holiday season.’ This did make you perk up, as Melissa had a great taste in restaurants, and you were always down for a good gift exchange.

Melissa then told everyone to write their names down, then put them in a decorative Santa hat. You and your coworkers obliged, then began to pass around the hat once again in order to draw a name. You really hoped to get Xavier. You had the perfect idea of something he’d love. As you drew a piece of paper from the hat, you imagined the matching pair of fluffy socks for a human and dog that you’d passed by during your last trip to Target. You began to unfold it, thinking of what color he might like the most, when you looked down and saw ‘Ransom’ drawn out in chicken scratch.

You tried your best to mask your annoyance at who you received, but on the inside, you were seething. You mentally cursed the universe out while you pulled on your coat, and grimaced to yourself once you got out to your car. How were you supposed to get this asshole a gift?

—-

The week leading up to the exchange went fairly well for you, although it was getting a bit exhausting to be so mad at Ransom all the time. You tried to be less harsh with him, considering you needed to learn more about him in order to get him a somewhat decent gift for your exchange.

He’d seem to have taken your conversation with him to heart, and began to talk less and less about other girls when he was working with you. He didn’t comment on how well your jeans fit you, and you noticed that he’d often overextend himself in order to help you with (pretty basic) daily aspects of the job. Ransom would ask you questions about yourself, and your family, and speak less about himself. If you were honest with yourself, he was becoming a better man. And the best part was, he seemed to be doing it just for you. The thought of which brought heat to your face.

—

On the night of the exchange, you threw on a hideous and scratchy Christmas sweater before picking up your neatly wrapped gift for Ransom. You truly hoped that he’d like it, even though it certainly wasn’t the most expensive item. You bid farewell to your cat, then went on your way to the restaurant. You had to admit, you were a bit late. So it should’ve been no surprise when you arrived, and found that the only seat left at the table was next to Ransom. You gave him a cordial smile before sitting down and ordering yourself a glass of Merlot.

Something about being so close to him was kind of riling you up. The strong timbre sent coming off of him was making your whole body feel slightly warmer than normal, and you tried to ignore this strange sensation while you talked and joked with your coworkers. At one point, Ransom leaned in nice and close to you, and began to speak to you.

“Jesus Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hideous as Karmen’s sweatshirt,” he whispered right into the shell of your ear. Maybe it was the wine talking, but that simple action sent a whole chill through your body, and made you flush even harder than you’d flushed before. You let out a little giggle and nodded in agreement, looking across the table at her very ugly sweater.

“To be fair, the whole point of this was to wear something really ugly,” you turned your head back to where it was before, only to find that Ransom had somehow moved even closer to you.

“I just don’t know where you find something like that,” he commented, gazing much too deep into your eyes. You swore you felt the room shift after he began looking at you like that. There was about a 20% chance that you’d be able to keep your panties on after this kind of exchange. Luckily for you, a waitress broke the tension for you, setting down a few plates for everyone, then bidding them farewell. Damn.

The food was amazing, and didn’t last very long, meaning that it was time to pass gifts around sooner than later. You watched as Amy received a gift card from Sophie, Emily opened a plethora of chocolates gifted to her by Melissa, and Xander whiffed a candle given to him by Kennedy, then, it was your turn. You glanced around the table before you felt the arm next to you reach down, then hand you an oversized gift bag.

“I hope you like it,” Ransom said with a shy smile. You casually felt your cheeks on your way to pull out the very large item. You found it was a very large, and soft, hand knit blanket. It looked like it could’ve cost a small fortune, and you immediately found yourself embarrassed.

“Oh wow. This is perfect! Thank you so much,” you grinned over at your coworker, who seemed to be blushing himself. “Well, I guess I should probably give you this then,” you chuckled awkwardly before passing him your wrapped package. He tore it open barbarically, then began to laugh. Of all the gifts in the world, you two had gotten each other somewhat similar items. Sure, it wasn’t hand knit with the love of some grandma who ran a small business on Etsy, but it was the thought that counts.

“I love it, Y/N,” he exclaimed, looking deep into your eyes once again. He ran his fingers through the soft fabric, then set a hand on your arm. In that moment, it felt like time stopped. It was just you two, sitting in a quiet room, enjoying the presence of each other. You don’t even know what had gotten into you, but before you knew it, you felt a nose pressed up against yours, and a billion butterflies erupt out of your stomach. You heard a few grimaces from your coworkers at the sappy, Hallmark-like moment but what could you say.

Maybe Ransom was not that bad after all.

[berjhawn]

The Mask Stayed On ~ 1/2

Batman / Bruce Wayne X Reader

Summary: reader and batman have been in relationship for a while without knowing who each other really are. Is this relationship really enough for Reader?

Warnings: Love, pain, conflicted feelings, some weird kinks, thoughts of not being enough, evil siblings, ETC

A/N: So This is technically my first Batman fic so I hope you all enjoy it. I’m doing little flics here an there as I try to figure out where my Series are going. I want to spend a lot of time on them to get them perfect, so for now enjoy these little one shots. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t really know how it started, but after a rather difficult mission one night, I ended up in bed with Batman. Then that one night, turned into another, and another; until it became routine for us to sneak around and meet up after a mission. We did have a set of rules though.

1.)    Never remove our masks.  

Batman and I were very secretive. Only a select few League members knew what his true identity was, and the only one who knew mine was Connor.

2.)    Do not tell anyone what we are doing.

I feel like this one was more implied than enforced, and lastly.

3.)    Do not get attached. If we do, it is over.

This one. This was the one that was now the cause of my turmoil. I mean, how could I not get attached to someone I was having sex with regularly. It was inevitable. Now, here I was lying next to him in bed completely naked, save for my mask, and he was fast asleep. As I stare at his profile, I couldn’t help but want to take his cowl off. I wanted to know who was beneath the mask. If things were going to end anyway why not sneak a peek?

Yeah right, I couldn’t do that. I sigh to myself as I climb out of bed and looking around find my uniform. Spotting it in the corner I grab it and quickly put it back on. Then opening the window, I take a deep breath and run. I usually didn’t leave before him, but tonight I had too. I was not going to be able to sleep next to him and not wonder what it would be like if we showed each other who we truly were.

Finding the nearest boom tube, I type in the coordinates for the Cave, or Mount Justice. I lived in the living quarters along with a few others. I wasn’t a member of the Young Justice, hell I was older than all of them, but I frequently went out on missions together with them. It was just nicer to be with a group of super kids, rather than a group of moody adults. Even though I was a moody adult myself. Reaching home, I quickly take a shower and then climb into my own bed.

~

Waking up the next morning, I found I was no closer to figuring out what to do. All night, I had been plagued by the what ifs. What if he found out I liked him and ended it? What if he secretly harbored feelings for me and was happy, that was the least likely result. Letting out a heavy sigh, I pull on a pair of sweats and a comfy hoodie. I pull my hair up into a messy bun before I put my mask back on.

Walking out of my room and down to the lounge I am surprised that it is still quiet. Maybe they were all out on a mission. Shrugging my shoulders, I sneak to the fridge and opening it, grab a pint of ice cream, I also grab a spoon from the drawer. Since no one was here, I move over to the couch and grabbing the remote turn on The Nanny tv show, the one from the nineties. It always seemed to boost my mood when I was feeling down.

I sit there for so long I do not even notice when I run out of ice cream. Now I had a stomachache, and I was no closer to figuring things out.

“Well, this just sucks.” I say to myself as I set the empty pint on the coffee table and leaning back on the couch let out a heavy sigh. “Dear Lord, how many times am I gonna do that today?”

“Do what?” I hear a familiar voice ask from behind me and I turn to see Connor searching the fridge for food.

Connor was the only one who knew who I really was. The reason behind that was because during a mission with the Young Justice members, Connor and I had become trapped under some rubble and my mask had fallen off. After that, the two of us bonded. We became best friends. I was able to be myself and not the superhero everyone expected me to be.

“Sighing like the emotional wreck that I am.” I joke as I dramatically turn and lean against the back of the couch making him snort.

“No, you’re not.” He replies grabbing a jar of Queso out of the fridge.

“If you bring that over here, I will steal it from you.”

“You’re not strong enough.” He retorts making me furrow my brow at him.

“Just because you have super strength doesn’t mean I can’t take it from you.” I counter making him shake his head.

“Why didn’t you go on the mission this morning?” He asks and I cock an eyebrow at him.

“Didn’t know there was one.” I reply laying my head down on my arms. “I was tired… and stressed.”

“Why were you stressed?” He asks and I shake my head.

“I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” I add making him shake his head as he grabs a bag of chips and walks over to sit next to me on the couch. Setting the bag of chips down on the coffee table he twists the lid of the queso off and tossing it on the tabletop grabs the bag and leans back into the couch. He holds the queso up in between us so that we can share, and I smile. He really was a good friend.

“How do you feel about going out later? You know that way we can talk about some things.” I ask making him cock an eyebrow at me in confusion. “Plus, there are cameras here and I’d rather not air my dirty laundry out for the League to see.”

“Sure, as long as there’s not a mission.” He replies shoving a queso covered chip in his mouth. “Your treat though.”

“Fine,” I concede making him chuckle.

~~~~

I stare at my reflection in the mirror and bite my lip. I was in a pair of black skintight leather pants, a baggy white blouse, my favorite black leather jacket, and a pair of black high heel boots. My hair and makeup were so on pointe, I would have asked myself out. I quickly slip my mask on and grabbing my purse, I head out the door and down the stairs where Connor was waiting with M’gann. I liked M’gann, but I did not like that she thought she could enter my mind whenever she wanted. So naturally, I would fill my mind with the most annoying sound in the world so she would not read it.

“Hey M’gann, what’s up?” I ask as I near them.

“Just wondering where you two are headed off to tonight?” She asks and I shrug my shoulders.

“Not sure yet. Depends on whether the bar is full or empty.” I answer honestly making her let out a heavy sigh. “You’re more than welcome to join us if you’d like.” I offer but she shakes her head.

“No, you guys go out and have some fun.” She turns back to Connor and says something with her mind to only him and I try not to roll my eyes.

“Okay, if anything comes up call Connor, because you know, I don’t have a phone.” I add making her nod.

“I’ll see you later then.” M’gann adds at Connor making him nod before he leans forward to gently kiss her lips.

“Be back soon.” He replies before turning from her and meeting me at the Boom Tube.

“Ready to go?” I ask and he nods.

“’Let’s go.”

~~~~~

“So, what you’re telling me is you’ve been sleeping with…” He pauses lowering his voice. “Batman?”

“Yeah,” I answer downing a shot of whatever was in front of me.

“Why the fuck would you do that?” He asks and I shake my head.

“I don’t know. I mean I have always admired him. He is human and yet he is one of the greatest superheroes out there. Plus, he’s hot. So, you know, he’s got that working for him.”

“Does he know who you are?” He asks and I shake my head.

“Nope, he’s never seen my face. The masks, never come off.”

“That’s weird, please tell me you know that.” He replies and I nod.

“I know, but what can ya do. The first time was an accident. But all the other times? Those are the ones I do not understand. I mean I’ve heard of him having one-night stands with girls before, so I thought it was just a one-time deal; but then he started searching me out after him missions, so I did the same.”

“You ever think about telling him who you really are?” He asks and I shake my head.

“Not gonna happen.” I reply downing another shot. “Then I wouldn’t be able to stay on the team anymore.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh, I do, I mean what superhero league would willingly employ a relative of a villain.” I pause my brow furrowing. “Especially the one I’m related too.”

“They’d understand.” Connor adds and I shake my head.

“No one ever does.” I say sadly as I motion for the bartender to bring me another drink.

“(Name),” Connor starts but instantly stops not sure what to say.

“I didn’t come out here to feel sorry for myself. I came out to have a little fun, and also to get some clarity on what I should do.” I say letting out a heavy sigh. The Bartender returns with my drink sliding it across the bar towards me. I give her a wink as I reach down and pulling the glass up take a swig, I feel it burn as it slides down my throat.

“About Batman…” Connor starts making me nod, “I think you should tell him how you feel.”

“Okay? Why?”

“Think about it. If you tell him and he is okay with it, you two could get together.”

“But if he’s not?” I ask running my finger around the rim of my glass.

“Then that will give you the boost you need to end everything.”

“You’re right, however, if he says no, you know that means I’m going to leave the league right.”

“What? Why?”

“Well not permanently, just long enough to get my thoughts together.” I add and he nods.

“That’s understandable.” He adds and I nod. “You’d deserve that time.”

“I may even go back home.”

“Now that’s just fucking stupid.” Connor raises his voice slightly making me meet his gaze. “Do not do that.”

“I don’t want to ever go back there, but I’m afraid that if all this goes south and it gets revealed who I am, I’ll have no other choice.”

“You’ll have another choice, even if I have to find somewhere for you to stay so you don’t go home.”

“You’re a really good friend Connor. Even after you found everything out, you never turned against me.”

“That’s because I am you friend. I would never do that.”

“Alright, that’s enough of me being a Debbie downer, let’s drink, dance, and have a little fun, shall we?”

“Sure thing, (Name).” Connor replies a smile on his face.

~~~~~~

Dick heard the commotion first as he was sitting in the mission room running over some old files for a mission. It sounded like singing mixed with people laughing. Furrowing his brow, he walks toward the boom tube to see Connor carrying a woman on his back while she sang out loudly that she was bad at love. Her voice surprisingly sounded familiar, but he did not recognize her face.

“Connor, you are the best!” she cries out as she hugs tightly to his neck making him smile.

“Woah, Connor, who’s this?” Dick asks as he nears them his eyes looking her up and down.

“What’s the matter Dickie, you don’t recognize me?” She asks making Connor’s face turn white. He had forgotten to put her mask back on. “I’m king of the world!!” She yells throwing her hands up into the air.

“That’s (Name),” M’gann says in disbelief as she moves to stand beside him. “So, this is what she looks like.”

“She’s hot.” Wally says from nearby earning him an elbow to the stomach from Artemis.

“Okay, Connor, I hate to say this, but your muscles are amazing.” (Name) says as she starts to admire his shoulder muscles. “Put me down, I wanna play!” she yells out wiggling in his grasp.

“What the hell is she on?” Dick asks as Connor sets her down on her feet.

“She was stressed, so we went out and she got a little drunk.” Connor replies as (Name) pulls her coat off and tosses it onto a nearby chair.

“That was fun.” She announces a bright smile on her lips.

Suddenly she was all over the place. Bouncing up and down as she jumped from one place to another with surprising agility. I mean they knew she was a meta-human, but this agility was something new entirely. I mean she was walking on the ceiling for heaven’s sake. Letting out a chuckle, Dick pulled out his cellphone and decided to record the whole thing. Jason would get a kick out of this.

“She gets hyper when she’s drunk.” Connor adds shaking his head clearly used to this.

(Name) continued her little acrobat show for a while before she hopped back down and noticing Dick ran over to hug him. Letting out a laugh he let her hold him tight. It was finally showing how drunk she really was. She smiled bright at him for a moment before leaning up to his ear and whispering, “I know how big Batman’s dick is.”

And then she passed out.

Dick instantly shut the recording off. What the fuck just happened? Catching her in his arms, he lifts her up carrying her bridal style and turning to Connor says, “We need to talk.”

Will Continue

[almostkoo]

Destiny | Park Jimin

pairings: park jimin x oc

summary: having a green thumb is a blessing that you didn’t seem to have, the working theory was that plants hated you and tending to your aunts garden seemed to prove that but maybe the handsome young man that keeps finding his way into your aunts garden can help you whip it back into shape

word count: 2.9k

warnings: unedited, language (of course )

author’s notes: it’s another portion of my spooktober story collection, i was kinda of excited to write this one but still and yet very nervous as always i hope you all enjoy it :)

You trudged on your worn out boots ,letting out a sigh you ran back your plan you set up for your day. Weeding out the garden, checking on the hydrangeas, and planting the tomatoes. You thought back those three things over and over again. Feeling like you were forgetting something. 

Over the few weeks you had been watching over the garden, your aunt's garden to be exact it seemed like everything managed to go straight to shit. Your aunt had fallen sick and with you two being each other’s only remaining family you went back to her house to watch over her until she got better and watching over her meant her house also… and the garden. It just seemed as though the soil underneath you hated you. Trying everything you could find on the internet, talking and singing to the plants, using special growing techniques and tools that promised growth, but nothing happened. When your aunt finally gets better and sees that her beloved garden had just about washed down the drain you didn’t know how she was gonna react.

You had to figure out something and figure it out fast.

Resting back on your knees you wiped away at the sweat above your brow. Something was wrong with the hydrangeas, something new that you couldn’t exactly place what it was. Or even where to begin attempting to figure out the problem at hand. Letting out a breath in frustration you chucked the small gardening shovel out of your hands. 

“Fuck!” you shouted, shaking your head. You dropped your head, when you heard a small “ow”. You looked up and you were faced with one of the most beautiful men you had laid eyes on. You jumped up to your feet quickly, you realized the man that seemed to have a glow around him (most likely from the sun) was a few inches taller than you, soft brown eyes met your own and a cute button nose and plush full lips curved around his smile. He was a slender young man dressed in all white, the dirt from the shovel you threw caused a small brown scuff mark to appear on the toe of his fresh white shoes.

“I am so sorry I didn’t mean to hit you at all. I didn’t even know you were standing there.” you quickly apologized. The man threw his hands up, causing you to pause your rambling. 

“It’s okay.” his voice came out smooth and deep. “It’s nothing that can’t wash away with a little bit of soap and water.”

“I just..I didn’t see you there. I’m getting so frustrated with these flowers and this garden I just don’t know what to do.” you rambled, dropping your hands down to your sides. The man took a step closer to you, tilting his head to the side examining the purple hydrangeas that seemed to wither further the way you stared at them. 

“I’m sorry how rude of me I didn’t even introduce myself. I’m Jimin, I live next door. I’ve never seen you around here before.” he stated. 

“Oh I’m just here watching over my aunt while she’s on bedrest. I have to take care of the house” you threw your hands up gesturing to the various plants that surrounded you two. “and subsequently the garden too. I’m convinced the flowers saw me coming and just decided to die on the spot just to do something different besides growing nice and pretty for my aunt.” Jimin let out a cute laugh, eyes crinkling up into crescents.

“You seem very frustrated as if the shovel against my foot wasn’t enough indicator.” Jimin said.

“I just” you sighed. “I have no clue what I’m doing and my aunt loves this garden so much that I just don't want to let  it fall apart in her absence but I’ve tried everything to get this garden together.” Venting your frustrations to this stranger, Jimin came easy and made you feel better in the process. But still and yet the garden itself was a hot mess. You loved a challenge but hated feeling incompetent. Tending to the garden made you feel dumb as a rock. As if the garden was trying to communicate to you but you both were speaking two completely different languages.

“Well I have a garden of my own that I tend to and I think it’s coming along pretty well. I usually come over and sit with your aunt while she works around here. We have many of the same plants too. I can help you if you want.”Jimin offered, smiling again. You thought about it briefly. Your aunt hadn’t mentioned Jimin to you before and she normally told you all of her daily happenings and people she ran into. But Jimin seemed to have an air of comfort around him, maybe he knew what he was talking about.

“Sure, but my phone is in my pocket so no funny business or I’ll call the cops.” you stated sternly pointing a finger in Jimin’s direction.  He smiled, kneeling down in the dirt in front of the hydrangea. He didn’t seem to care about his white slacks getting dirty. You watched as he examined the tools and Miracle Gro you had sitting out and then the flower. He held one of the flowers from the bush in his hands, softly rubbing his thumbs over the petals. Jimin seemed to be talking to himself as he looked the flowers over. He picked up a handful of soil, leaning in and spreading it around the bottom of the bush. Then reaching for the watering can, sprinkled water over the top. Then back to the soil at the bottom and patting it down, he sang as quietly as he seemed he could. He stood up dusting his hands clean of the soil.

“All done!” he exclaimed. You made a face of disbelief at him. 

“That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna do? Really?” you put your hands on your hips.

“Didn’t you just see all that? The hydrangea is gonna prosper and grow now.” Jimin pouted.

“You didn’t do anything more than I did!” you shouted.

“Well you just wait. Give it a few hours and when you come out here in the morning, you’re gonna see all of what I did. I just have a certain touch and a language that speaks to the plants.” Jimin said.

“Jimin, I’m not gonna lie to you this seems like a crock of bullshit in all honesty.” Jimin’s lips parted.

“Alright, I see. I’ll be back in the morning. If nothing happens then nothing happens. But if my methods worked. I want a glass of iced tea.” he stated.

“A glass of iced tea?” you asked, cocking up an eyebrow. Jimin made a face as if he was thinking

“You know what?” he snapped his fingers. You waved your hand signaling for him to continue. “I want it sweetened. Extra sweet, with sugar cubes on the side. Maybe a lemon if I’m feeling a little zesty.” he said, turning to walk away. 

“I mean it,” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” You looked down at the hydrangea that remained in the same screwed up condition you found it in this morning. The nerve of that guy. Never trust a stranger, you thought to yourself, returning to examine the floral bush in front of you.

The next morning when you woke up, repeating the same routine you had been settled in for the past few weeks. You trudged out to the garden again completely ready to accept defeat against the flowers and various vegetables in the garden. Morning sun beaming down at you, forcing you to pull your floppy hat down further. Walking up to the hydrangea bush your lips parted in shock. The bush that was there yesterday, browning and withering instead, was lively, the purples and whites bright. You knelt down on hands and knees staring at the bush as if you were attempting to find a hidden camera of some sorts. 

“What the fuck?” you mumbled under your breath.

“Well I see it worked.” immediately recognizing the voice from behind you belonging to Jimin. You hopped up, dusting off your overalls. Jimin stood cocking his head to the side with a slight smile on his face. The outfit he wore was different than yesterday, all blue instead of all white he wore a soft baby blue, his brown hair framing his face perfectly, parted down the middle. 

“I.. I don’t know how you did it, this is crazy. What’s your secret?” you asked. Jimin threw his head back, shoulders shaking from his laughter. 

“I can’t do that. There’s no way to.” Jimin smiled. You felt your brows furrow in. A look of confusion was probably making itself home on your features at this point. 

“What do you mean? You literally didn’t do anything I didn’t do.”  you sighed. 

“That’s what it seemed like?” Jimin feigned like he was thinking. You shoved him playfully. 

“I guess I owe you some iced tea.”

“With the sugar cubes on the side please.”

You and Jimin returned to your aunts back porch looking over the garden placed in the far left corner of her vast backyard. He sipped on his iced tea that turned into sweet tea after he dumped half the container of sugar cubes in it. Taking his first sip inside at the kitchen counter, relaxing into a closed eyed smile. While your face turned up in disgust at the sight. 

“So what are you?” you questioned, breaking the silence. Jimin choked on his sweet tea, spluttering and ending with a cough. 

“What are you talking about?” Jimin squeaked. 

“You must be a botanist or something. Right?” you asked, confused about Jimin’s reaction. He hesitated before answering, as if the cogs were turning in his head he snapped his fingers.

“Right! Sorry about that, the tea went down the wrong pipe. I own a flower shop with my best friend. I just love plants so much. They’re so easy to maintain and care for. It’s so easy to pour love into them and reap the benefits of it. It’s the best way to physically see love you know?” Jimin smiled yet again. His smile was pretty, it seemed to make him glow, you almost felt like you were being spoiled by getting to see him smile so much. 

“I get it. Plants seem to hate me, but I remember once when I was a child my aunt took me to these botanical gardens and the flowers were just so beautiful. I wish I had a green thumb like she did. I feel like it would better my appreciation for them.”

Jimin scoffed, placing his glass down on the bannister. “The plants don't hate you. Look I know this may sound crazy but plants sometimes can be selective to who they bloom for. You have to be able to understand them and them understand you. It’s a hard language to speak, but everyone has to learn it. You have to have a certain touch” he reached out gently grabbing your hand that was resting at your side. “You have to have the correct amount of gentleness and a subtle warmth to your hands. It’s having a good balance of peace and harmony. They have to feel that.” You looked down at your intertwined hands, a slow heat creeping up on you as you looked up catching Jimin’s glance. Your phone started ringing loudly from your pocket. Jimin broke his hand away from yours first as you stammered trying to reach for your phone. Your aunt was calling you, asking you if you could bring her a snack. 

“I’m sorry” you apologized to Jimin. “I have to go real quick, my aunt wants me to get her something. I’ll be right back if you can wait.” Jimin threw his hands up, waving them. 

“That’s alright. I have something I want to give to you. I’ll be back this evening with it.”

“Is it a diamond?” you joked. Jimin looked at you confused. “It must be a big diamond.”

“I can assure you it’s not a diamond. But something worth that if not more.” he grinned. 

“Well now I don’t know what to expect but it must be something grand. My hopes are up now, Jimin. Just so you know.”

Instead of it being later that day Jimin ended up returning a week later, with you seeing him but without him returning with whatever it was he wanted to give. With a wheelbarrow in tow hauling a small tree in the soil. You stopped the rocking chair you sat in, jumping up out of it you ran over to Jimin, who had pulled the wheelbarrow into the right corner of the backyard. 

“What is that?” you asked, walking around the wheelbarrow. 

“A cherry blossom tree. I just loved them so much, I had to give you one from my shop.” he stated. 

“Jimin a cherry blossom tree can’t grow here. You have to do so much work before planting them. I thought you would’ve known that. It’s gonna die.” you said with a frown.

“It’s not. I promise it won’t. Don’t worry you’ll see.” he smiled. You glanced at Jimin feeling worried. The garden had seemed to start coming back to life with Jimin’s help but the tree? Far away from the soil of the garden had you feeling anxious. You didn’t want your aunt to see the tree failing either.

“Cherry blossoms take forever to grow.” you pouted. Jimin walked over to you wrapping himself around you from behind, rocking back and forth.

“Y/n” he said in a sing-songy voice. “I said don’t worry.” You could hear the smile in his voice, it felt contagious you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling.

“What are you gonna do? Work some more of your Jimin magic?”

“Something like that.”

You sat back and watched Jimin plant the tree. Moving slowly with patience. Every so often he would hum a tune or sing a little bit as he worked until he was finished.

“So that’s it?” you asked as Jimin stepped back to look at the small two foot tree in the ground.

“That’s it!” he clapped. You looked at the tree sideways, then up at Jimin who had his arms outwards pointing at the tree, the glow that settled around him seemed a little brighter than the last time you saw him.

“I-“ you hesitated. “you’re very odd. You come around here with your crispy clean monochromatic outfits and glowing skin and gardening secrets. I don’t get you and I don’t think I will.” you sighed. Jimin looked at you searching your face for any trace of emotion. Then you broke out in a big smile that he returned.

“Actually I have a confession to make.” Jimin admitted with a drop of his shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” you perked up, sitting up straight.

“I’m gonna be going back.. into the city permanently. This might be the last time I see you. That’s why I wanted to gift you the cherry blossom tree.”

Your lips parted into a “o” shape. “You’re leaving?”

“Business is booming and Taehyung can’t handle it all alone.” Jimin spoke as if his words were rehearsed, coming off a little flat. “the tree will always give you something to remember me by.”

“Jimin” you scoffed. “if you’re just going to the city this shouldn’t be goodbye. We can visit one another and you can give me more introspective gardening tips.” Jimin shook his head.

“It’s much deeper than that. It’s far too much to explain. I’m sorry.” he said. You looked into his eyes and they seemed glassy almost as if he was gonna cry. You didn’t understand why Jimin didn’t want to visit you anymore. The city was only a 45 min drive away. It didn’t have to be permanent.

“I- Well- Maybe-“ you stammered. “I guess, Jimin. If you say so. Never say never our paths can intertwine again.” you smiled. Jimin gave you a solemn smile, before looking back to the tree.

The next morning after Jimin’s departure you woke early that morning, like there was something tugging you out of your deep sleep. You groggily headed down to the kitchen preparing your coffee. You glanced out the window briefly, something huge and pink doing a double take you looked harder out the window squinting at the sight of the cherry blossom tree Jimin planted the evening before. It now stood tall and huge, blossoms covering every branch as if it had been there for years. You ran outside to the tree, running your hands along the bark as you walked all around it. It just didn’t make any sense. It was actually quite impossible that the tree grew that rapid overnight. You were shocked, no proper thoughts coming to mind to wrap your mind around the tree. How was you gonna explain this to your aunt? You stood back from the tree before noticing a folded sheet of paper at the base. Bending over you picked it up unfolding it.

“Hopefully destiny will cross our paths again

-Jimin”

[ihatetosayitoldyouso]

august

masterlist

pairing: spencer reid x reader

content warnings: none? i’m pretty sure

word count: 3,153

a/n: i changed the ages of spencer and reader to 26 and 20 just because i didn’t like her being 19. in case anyone gets confused :)

chapter 2

I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you.

I woke up groggy and absolutely exhausted. I had gotten maybe an hour of sleep before I needed to get up and ready for my 8 am. I dragged myself from my sheets and pulled my feet one in front of the other. I made it to my closet and opted for the comfiest outfit I could manage without looking completely busted. A sweatshirt and leggings it is. I combed through my hair with my fingers and pulled it into a tight messy bun, trying my best to control the frizz that came from the sweat and humidity of the night before. I walked into the bathroom I shared with Amber, quickly brushing my teeth and performing the quickest skincare routine I could without feeling absolutely disgusting. Thank god I don’t have Criminology class today, I would not want Spencer seeing me like this. Spencer? When did I start calling him Spencer? I shook my head at the thought and threw all of my things into my backpack and made my way into the lounge area. I saw Amber’s things thrown onto the counter and the door to her room shut, hopefully she would feel okay when she woke up later. I filled up my water bottle, not before downing as much water as I could, and proceeded to shove it into the pocket on the side of my bag. Checking my watch, I ran out the door and closed it quietly so as to not wake Amber.

I bounded down the stairs and quickly walked to campus. The apartment complex where I stayed for the semester wasn’t too far from the majority of my classes, but the anxiety of possibly being late always drove me to walk at an accelerated pace. I walked past the trees and the grassy knolls that littered the campus. The atmosphere of the land combined with the old, beautiful architecture of the college buildings made it feel so… romantic. Well, that’s something to keep me distracted from this wicked hangover. Fuck, was I still a little drunk? Maybe I should’ve skipped class this morning. No matter, I was already on my way and I knew that I would’ve felt incredibly guilty if I hadn’t gone. As I briskly walked to class, I passed by other students and faculty members along the way. I got lost in thought about what they might be like. It’s incredible that we all have our own intricate and complicated lives. It’s impossible to completely understand that everyone else has a life just as complex and detailed as my own. 

I finally made it to the main campus building in which my Journalism History and Cultures class would take place. I’ve never been completely sure what I wanted to major in or what I wanted my career to look like, but I randomly picked Journalism last year and I actually really love it. I’ve always known that I wanted to do something important with my life and I’ve always enjoyed writing, so I guess it just kinda made sense to me. I walked down the long hallway decorated with doors and windows and bulletin boards. I made my way to the classroom I required and pushed open the door with a deep breath. I was early, but not so early that I beat my professor there. I looked down at the ground as I made my way to the front of the room, taking a seat in the third row, as usual. I looked up and smiled at my professor to say hi and he smiled back politely. I began taking out my things and more students filed into the classroom. Before I knew it, class had started and ended in a hungover (and maybe a little drunken) haze. I took a swig from my water bottle before standing up and placing a hand on my desk to steady myself. I threw my bag onto my back and trudged out of the classroom, into the hallway, and out of the building.

The rest of the day seemed to go incredibly fast while simultaneously going excruciatingly slow. See, this is why I don’t party. I always feel like absolute shit the next morning and it affects my entire day. I wonder how Amber’s holding up. I realized I hadn’t really talked to her all day so I made my way back to our shared space in order to catch up with her. It was almost a guarantee that she would be home because during the day, she’s either in class or asleep in our apartment. I looked down at my phone to text her and ask if she wanted to do a girl’s night in, but before I could type anything I ran into something- wait, no, someone. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry I-” I began to fluster immediately before I looked up and noticed who it was that I ran into. I took a shallow breath and my eyes widened before I gained whatever composure I could. “Dr. Reid, I- I’m so sorry I was just-”

“Spencer, please, and it’s okay,” he brushed it off, “don’t worry about it.” We both stood facing each other for a moment. Why didn’t we just say our apologies and keep walking? “Um, how are you, Y/N? Did you end up getting any sleep last night? Or should I say this morning.” He laughed shyly as he spoke. 

“Oh I, um, got like, maybe an hour of sleep. Coffee is a godsend, honestly,” I replied.

“Don’t I know it.” He said. I looked at him meekly, not sure what to say. He looked back into my eyes and I swear, his gaze could bore a hole through my skull. I could get lost in those eyes forever and I wouldn’t bother trying to find my way out. Y/N, stop it! I couldn’t stop it. Because as long as I looked into his eyes, he looked right back into mine. My spiraling thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his voice. “Are you okay?” He questions.

“Oh!” I jumpstart back into reality. “Yeah, I’m fine, I guess I zoned out from not getting enough sleep. I’m hoping I can catch up tonight.” I laugh and I look down, hoping that if I stare hard enough, I could bury my face into the pavement. 

“That’s probably a good idea. I hope you don’t regret staying out so late though.” He says quickly, so quickly I almost missed it.

“No! I don’t, it’s just always hard the next day, you know? But it was nice to go out, for once.” I try to match his pacing, which isn’t too difficult, considering that the anxiety of the situation sped up my speech significantly. 

“Yeah, I get that.” He says and we begin to just… Stare at each other again.

Not wanting to make the situation more awkward, I hear myself beginning to talk again, “Um, I should probably get home, I haven’t seen Amber all day and I want to make sure she’s still among the living, haha, um… It was nice seeing you again, Dr. Reid.” I begin walking away, in a similar fashion to last night.

“Spencer.” He corrects me. 

“Spencer.” I say. I start walking away but not for long. I hear footsteps behind me, a voice yell “Y/N!” and a hand grabbed my arm. I turn around pulled by the force exerted from the hand. I’m sure I looked shocked because the hand quickly let go of me. Spencer’s face looked apologetic.

“I’m sorry, it’s just-” he rings his hands, “I was wondering if you would want my number? Um, I listed my email on the syllabus but it’s actually a lot easier to reach me through my personal cell phone, if you had questions about class or homework or… something.” He flustered through his words, why was he flustered? I’m the one who gets nervous here. His words put goosebumps along the back of my neck and the sides of my arms. I take a deep breath before answering, in hopes it would calm my nerves and steady my voice.

“Um, sure! That would actually be great because I already had a few questions about some of the material and I was going to email you but I haven’t had much time today and I guess I probably could’ve asked you now but I should probably get home so-” Is it possible for me to speak any faster?

“Y/N.” He stops me before I can embarrass myself even more. “Here, I’ll put it into your phone for you.” I pause for a beat before unlocking my phone and extending my arm to hand it to him. He types the letters and numbers necessary into my phone and I can’t help but linger on his hands. How were his hands so attractive? Is that normal? He gently hands my phone back to me and I smile and say “Thank you, Dr. Reid,” not before he looks at me expectantly and raises his eyebrows. “Um, Spencer. Thank you, Spencer.” I smile as he looks into my eyes one more time. 

“You’re welcome. See you tomorrow?” He questions.

“See you tomorrow.” I confirm with a tight-lipped smile before turning and walking away. I try my hardest to walk at a normal pace, but as soon as I can be sure that he is no longer watching, I nearly sprint to my apartment.

“Amber!” I yell as I cross the threshold into the apartment’s living room and nearly slam the door shut. “Amber, are you alive?” I call out, jokingly, before I hear movement coming from her bedroom.

“Yes, I’m alive and not deaf. You’re far too loud for the morning.” She groans and rubs her eyes, walking toward me.

“Amber, it’s 3 pm.” I state bluntly.

“Are you fucking serious?” She hurtles across the room to dramatically grab my phone and confirm the time. “Goddamn it, I have so much work to do.” She rubs her face and flops onto the couch. “Whatever, I’ve waited this long to do it, I can wait a little longer.”

I look at her with what I’m sure was a ridiculous look on my face and say “Girly. You-” I stop myself before telling her what to do. She always knows what works best for her when it comes to school, so who am I to question that? “Nevermind.” I sit down, cross-legged, on the opposite side of the couch. “Hey, do you want to have a girl’s night? I was gonna text you earlier but I- um, got distracted. I could go out and grab us some snacks and we could watch Clueless? It’s on Netflix now!” She knows Clueless is my favorite movie of all time and I think I’ve forced her to watch it enough times now that it’s her favorite too. I looked at her with as innocent a face I could and she rolled her eyes and nodded. 

“Okay, sure. That sounds really good actually. But only if you buy the snacks! And get me my favorite ice cream?” Her voice raises the inflection at the end of her question and now it was my turn to roll my eyes. 

“Of course, dummy. I’ll head to Wawa and I’ll grab a bunch of stuff. Text me with what you want.” I bend down to kiss her on the cheek and quickly turn, grab my keys, and head out the door. 

---

“So,” Amber begins as the end credits of the movie begin to roll, “Who was that hot guy you were talking to last night?”

I nearly choked on the popcorn I was eating. “What? Oh, um, it- I-”

“He seemed really into you. I could feel the tension all the way across the room.” She takes a spoonful of her pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

“I thought you were dancing with what’s-his-name across the room, how did you see what I was doing?” I try to throw her off.

“I am much more perceptive than you think, girly.” She pokes my thigh playfully. “Now, spill! The guy I was dancing with was not really anything. Once I sobered up even the slightest bit, he wasn’t that cute. Or that good of a dancer. It was a little bit of a disappointment but I don’t care, I wanna know what happened with you!” She pokes me a few more times, which I will admit, was not a bad interrogation strategy on account of I am extremely ticklish.

“Okay, okay!” I swat her hands away and secure my pint of ice cream in my lap. “He, um, he is actually my Criminology professor.”

“Excuse me? What was your Criminology professor doing at a student bar in the middle of first week parties?”

“That’s what I asked too! He said his coworker dragged him there or something. I don’t know what they were doing beforehand or why he wanted to go there, but,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“What were you guys talking about? And don’t think I forgot about you going outside with him later! I was blackout but I always remember everything.” That was true, Amber had the memory of an elephant. But like, an elephant who also has a photographic memory.

“I don’t know we were just kinda talking about nothing! I was still pretty drunk so right now, I’m just hoping what I said made sense and wasn’t too embarrassing.” 

“Lame! Next time you talk to him, and I know there will be a next time because that was too interesting for there to not be a next time, I expect there to be a lot more juicy details!”

“Well, uh,” I begin again, “I actually talked to him today.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I ran into him while I was on my way here earlier and we talked for a little bit. It was kinda awkward but I don’t know, it was weird. He gave me his number?” I say it like a question and watch Amber’s eyes widen.

“He gave you his number?” At this point, Amber was eating popcorn and looking at me like I was the movie.

“Yeah, he said it was for if I have questions about class, do you think that’s weird?”

“No, it’s cute! Wait, how old is this guy? I thought he was a student when you were talking to him last night and I can get behind a hot professor but a huge age gap and predatory behavior is not cute.” Her tone turned serious and I quickly dismissed her concerns.

“No no, he’s 26! Don’t worry about that.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “Isn’t it like, against the rules to date your professor? Not that we’re dating! And not that I was thinking about us dating! I’m sure he sticks to the rules I doubt he would ever do anything like that and it’s not like I’m one for breaking the rules I-”

“Slow down, speed racer!” She says as I try my hardest to figure out how to breathe at a normal rate “I’m pretty sure it’s not technically against the rules, but yeah, I guess it’s frowned upon and pretty taboo to date your teacher. But I mean, you two seemed to really get on last night. And it doesn’t make sense to stop something that has the potential to be great just because some people don’t think it’s ‘acceptable,’ whatever that means.”

“You think it has the potential to be great? I mean, I just met him yesterday. We barely talked, I barely know him!” I feel myself beginning to freak out a little bit.

“Hey, hey, I mean, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want, but I know that I saw something between you too. Maybe it’s just a friendship or maybe it’s nothing! I just want you to be happy, you know that, right Y/N?” She puts her hands on my knees in an effort to comfort me. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” I smile softly at her, “I guess I just, I don’t even know what our relationship is right now. I mean, he’s definitely attractive, I’d have to be blind to miss that. But he’s my professor, you know? I guess I’d have to be completely positive that he feels the same way for me to ever initiate something.” Amber nods her head. “You know what is kinda strange though? He insists on me calling him Spencer. Is that weird? I guess I just feel weird because I’m most comfortable calling my professors by their titles or something more formal. I don’t know, I don’t know. It’s not that big of a deal I’m sure I’m just overthinking this.”

“Hey,” Amber has always been good at comforting me. “Whatever you are feeling right now, is totally and completely valid. You know I tease you because I love you, but I seriously just want what’s best for you. You seemed really excited last night and I just want you to be happy. I expect to be updated on this regularly, okay?” She laughs and raises her eyebrows at me.

“Of course,” I giggle and spoon a mouthful of ice cream into my mouth. “Now, I think it’s time we watch Legally Blonde, huh?” Amber laughs and I grab the remote and turn the TV to the timeless classic we both adore.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what Amber said about the potential of something great. Did it really seem that special to Amber? I trust her judgement, but as of right now, there’s nothing happening between me and Spencer. He’s just my professor and I’m just his student who happened to run into him twice outside of class. And who couldn’t stop staring into his eyes as he spoke. And who could barely breathe when he said my name. And who couldn’t focus when he talked because his hands moved with his words. And who now calls him Spencer, apparently. Do I even want something to happen between us? Sure, he’s handsome, like, really handsome, but he’s my professor. I’ve never really been one for dating anyways. 

I take a deep breath and try to focus on the film playing in front of me. I mean, he did give me his number. That’s gotta count for something, right? I look at my phone and the clock reads 12:43 am. I take another breath and do my best to leave those thoughts for tomorrow. It’s too late to be thinking clearly anyways. I grab the blanket that was hanging on the back of the couch and throw it over mine and Amber’s laps. I relax my shoulders and melt into the couch as I let the sounds of Reese Witherspoon and Luke Wilson take over my senses.

taglist: @pumpkin-reads @haylaansmi

[mirkwoodshewolf]

My #1 fan; Ben Hardy x child sister reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well here I am with yet another BoRhap boy story, this time it's of Ben Hardy (god it's been FOREVER since I wrote a story of Benny boi) but here it is. Now this is a Big Brother!Ben fic so unlike the last time there is NO ROMANCE, JUST FLUFFY PLATONIC GOODNESS THAT I CAN DISH UP!!!! Also in this fic I would like to point out that I do NOT OWN WORLD OF DANCE!! IT BELONGS TO J-LO AND NBC and all the people involved with the making of this amazing dance competition (if you haven't heard of it, go check it out the recent season is out NOW!!) Also watch the video links (from actual previous competitors on the show) to get a feel of what I'm seeing for the dances cause I am NOT  dancer so I do not know all the moves that you dancers do out there, but I hope you all still enjoy this fic :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@platawnic

@queendeakyy

@geek-and-proud

@kairosfreddie

@iambambi5

______________________________________________________________

God it feels like it’s been forever since we’ve seen each other.  From the time I got my first real American movie role in X-men Apocalypse, everything just seemed to fold right before me.  From my biggest success of Bohemian Rhapsody (where I became best friends with probably the three greatest guys in the world), followed by the Netflix movie 6 Underground with Ryan Reynolds (and yes he’s just as hilarious and humble as he presents himself).

My life has just exploded from there, I try to be home whenever I can but when I do, she’s just as busy as I am.  

Now that things have calmed down on my end and she’s preparing for an upcoming audition on a dance show, I can finally take the time to go see her (especially now since I’m in LA where she’s to audition). God I haven’t seen her in years, I wonder how she’s been?

“BENJAMIN!!!” Joe’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned to him.

“Hmm what?”

“Geez mate you were really out of it back there. We’ve been trying to get your attention for like 10 minutes.” Gwil said as he sipped his beer.

“Oh sorry guys, I was just—thinking.”

“And just who was it that had your attention so badly that you tuned out from the rest of the world?” teased Rami.

“Benjamin Hardy are you cheating on me!? Oh my god you’re cheating! Who is it! What’s their name!?” Joe accused me.  I rolled my eyes as I shoved him.

“Is it a girl?” Rami asked.

“Oh great. Now I gotta get breast implants just to get you to notice me.” Joked Joe.  We all looked at him strangely and I said.

“Not in that way, but yes I am thinking about a girl. My sister actually.”

“Your sister? You—never mentioned a sister before.” Gwil said.

“I kinda like to keep her separate from my name.”

“What you guys don’t get along?” asked Joe.

“No, no we get along amazingly. We’re each other’s #1 fans. But ever since Bohemian Rhapsody everyone now knows my name. I don’t want people comparing the two of us and making her feel like I’m outshining her. That’s one of the other reasons why I changed my last name from Jones to Hardy.”

“Is she an actress too?” Rami asked with a head tilt.

“No, no. She’s a dancer actually.”

“A dancer? Fancy.” Joe said in a posh accent.

“What kind of dancing does she do?” Gwil said.

“Mostly contemporary. But she also does ballet and a bit of Hip-hop. This one competition she was on, she actually combined ballet and hip-hop together. Got 1st place for it, and was the youngest winner to ever win the Glasgow dance competition.” They all whistled.

“She must be good then, how old is she?”

“She was 7 years old.” They all gaped at me.

“You’re joking right?” Joe said with wide eyes and a gaped mouth.

“No, not at all. In fact in her ballet school where she trains, she’s actually the youngest student to have been chosen to get a full run scholarship to the London Academy for Dance. Once she’s 12 years old, they’ll give her the full ride.”

“Wait, wait, wait. How old is she now?” Gwil asked.

“She’s nine.”

“So they’re gonna hold onto her scholarship for another three years?” Rami said.  I nodded.

“Damn she must be good for them to do that.” Joe said with a sigh.

“She is. Fell in love with dancing at 2 years old and did her first pirouette within the first three months of joining her ballet school.”

“Geez, and my sister couldn’t do one till she was about 9.”

“Guess my sister’s got yours beat.” I teased to Joe.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah don’t rub it in.”

“So Ben, when was the last time you saw her?”

“Five years.” I said as I sipped my beer solemnly.

“Wait what? You haven’t seen your sister in five years!?” Joe gawked.

“I told you guys, ever since X-men it’s been one project after another. And even when I did have a break, she was out of state doing a competition either with her school or as a soloist. But—hopefully that’ll change in the next few weeks. She’s actually here in LA.”

“She is?” Rami said.  I nodded.

“Yeah. She’s auditioning for some sort of dance show they film here.”

“So you think you can dance is doing a junior competition now?” asked Joe.

“No not that one. It’s a recent one. They’ve only done like 3 or 4 seasons of it. I think it’s called Dancing world…..no World of Dance. That’s it.”

“Oh that show is awesome! I’ve auditioned for that show.” Joe bragged.

“No you haven’t.” Rami exclaimed at Joe’s lie.

“I’m serious I auditioned during their first 2 seasons. Couldn’t commit cause of obvious reasons.”

“I’m calling BS on that.” Gwil said as he leaned back.

“Uhh excuse me; who got the part of the Disco Deacy? Me. Who perfected the BAB dance? Me. I’m perfectly qualified to be a dancer. In fact why don’t we go see your little sis and she can be the judge!”

“What?”

“You heard me, right now! Let’s go see her!” Joe said as he downed his drink and stood up.

“Hang on guys……”

“Well besides of Joe’s reason, I think it’d be fair for us to meet your little sis. I mean we’ve practically seen each other’s siblings. You all met my twin Sami and my sis Jasmine.”

“I agree with Rami, and you all met my older brother at my engagement party.”

“And of course you all met John and Mary at the BoRhap premiere.” At this rate I knew I wasn’t going to win this argument.

“Fine. I—guess I’ll call up my mum and ask her where she’s rehearsing at.” I just hope (y/n) doesn’t mind having my friends come and see her rehearse.

Cause when she’s in rehearsal mode, she can be quite the little jumpy bug.

*My POV*

Two days.  I had two days till the Qualifier rounds for World of Dance.  I had my routine down to the T and my mum says it’s perfect (but she has to say that she’s my mum), however I’m still doubting myself on some of the moves, or if I’m not showing enough emotion (cause J-Lo loves herself some dancers who can convey emotion).

I was sitting in the rehearsal room having myself a break after rehearsing my dance for the past half hour.  I had this studio slotted for a 45min. rehearsal so I had about 15 minutes left to practice.

“I swear each time you dance your routine, you get more graceful every time.” Mum said as she came in with some lunch.

“Thanks mum, but is it good enough for the judges?”

“I know it is.” I chose not to respond to her. Like I said she has to say these things, but I know there are some flaws to my dance.  I didn’t stick the landing hard enough, I tripped up on the landing from the 540, my leg wasn’t straight enough with I lifted it outward, so many flaws. “Oh I forgot, there’s a little surprise waiting for you downstairs.”

“Mum I—I don’t know. I mean I haven’t even found out if I’ll make it into the next round.”

“Trust me love, you’ll like this surprise.” She raced over to the door and opened it and soon coming in my brother and his three friends from his film Bohemian Rhapsody.

“Benny!” I cheered as I hopped off my seat and raced right over to him.  A huge smile spread across his face as he extended his arms out and caught me as he picked me up and spun me around.

“Hey kiddo oh it’s been forever! Oh you’ve gotten so big since I last saw you.”

“I missed you Benny.”

“I missed you too kiddo. God you have no idea how much I missed you.” he said as he repeatedly kissed the top of my head.

“Your brother happened to be in LA so we planned a little surprise visit for you.” mum said as she closed the door.

“And I hope you don’t mind that I brought a few friends over.” Ben said as he gestured towards the three actors who starred with him on Bohemian Rhapsody.

“I don’t mind. I’ve heard so much about these guys that I figured it’s about time I met them in person.” He set me down and I walked up to the actor who played the legendary Freddie Mercury. “Rami Malek, right?”

“That is correct, and you must be his famous little dancing sister.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself famous yet, but I hope to be one day.” We shook hands with each other.  I then moved onto the next one, the tallest out of all of them who even looked like Brian May even without the wig. “Now forgive me if I pronounce your name wrong, my Welsh isn’t that great. Is it—Gwilym.” I pronounced the “I” like I was saying “ice cream”.

“Close, it’s pronounced Gwilym. Think of the “wi” like will.”

“Right, sorry.”

“No worries—(Y/n) right?”

“Yeah.” We both shook hands with each other and I told him, “Can I just say, I thought you were phenomenal as Brian May.”

“Well thank you love, I take it you’re a Queen fan as well?”

“Yeah. You can thank Benny for that. He introduced me to the band when I was a little girl. I even did a dance routine to White Queen when I was around 4-5 years old.”

“Wow, if you remember it, we’d sure like to see it.” Rami said.

“I think I might remember it. Again it was a while ago so I might improvise something if I don’t remember the whole routine.”

“No problem there.” Rami said with a warm smile. I then moved on to the last actor who played (my personal favorite member of Queen, John Deacon).

“So you’re the famous Joe Mazzello that my brother won’t shut up about.”

“Sure am kid. And you’re the world time dance champion and scholarship holder for the best London dance academy ehh?”

“You could say that.”

“Well little missy I happen to be a dance champion too, and I challenge you to a dance off!” Already I could see Ben, Gwilym and Rami either shaking their heads or rolling their eyes as Joe’s proclamation.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with my brother would it?”

“And if it is?” questioned Joe in a challenging manner.

“No reason.” I shrugged. “Just hope you’re prepared to lose.” The guys all oooh in a challenging manner and that’s when Joe nodded along.

“Okay, okay little one. But I’m giving it all I got so you better watch out.” I gestured that the dancefloor was all his.  Gwil went over to the stereo and went through my Spotify app till he found the song that Joe wanted to dance to.

He chose Wham’s ‘Wake me up before you go-go’. I’ll admit he has some pretty good moves—for an amateur.  After doing a minute and a half of his little on the spot dance moves, he posed as he panted heavily.

“It was okay.” I shrugged.

“Okay?”

“Yeah I mean—it was…..cute. It was cute. For like an Instagram or TikTok video.”

“Okay then little miss Prima donna. Show me your little ballet moves.” Challenged Joe.  Oh he don’t know me very well, do he? I first took off my ballet shoes and put on my sneakers.

I told Gwilym which song to play and he nodded to me that he would wait till I was ready before he played the song.  I now stood in the middle of the room and took a deep breath before turning to Gwilym.  He nodded and pressed his finger on my phone to play the song and soon YG’s “One time coming” began playing.

Play video

With this song I unleashed my Hip-hop background. Poppin and locking my body when needed, going in time with the beat, even doing things with my limbs to which no one had ever seen (like this one move where I had my right arm out and only by moving my left index finger, either the upper or lower portion of my arm would move up).

The guys and my mum were amazed and just in awe at my dancing.  And when I did a little patterned tip-toe strut with my arms tucked in like duck wings, did I hear the guys exclaim and just flip out.  When my minute and a half dance break was over, I flipped my hair towards Joe telling him that he got owned.

In pure defeat, Joe collapsed to the ground and lay there dead while my brother came up and hoisted me onto his shoulder.

“The winner and undefeated champion of the dance. (Y/n) Jones!” I bowed and thanked the guys and my mum as they cheered. Benny set me back down on the ground just as Joe finally came up and revived himself.  I stood before him and he said.

“You surprise me kiddo. I accept defeat. Benjamin is yours.”

“Well he is my brother. But—we can share him.” At hearing that, Joe took me in his arms and spun me around thanking me repeatedly.

“Do you think whenever we get some free time, could you show me some stuff. I really liked that little tip-toe strut.”

“I learned it from a friend of mine whose into Hip-hop back at my school. In fact he competed on the first season of World of Dance he and his group. They didn’t win but they got to the Semi-finals.”

“That’s awesome. You really are the dance master. And I can’t wait to see what you bring to the World of Dance stage.”

“In fact (Y/n), can we see your routine?” asked Ben.

“Yeah I was just about to ask that. Ben’s told us that while you can combine certain genres of dance, your main focus was on contemporary. I’ve always been intrigued anytime someone says they’re a contemporary dancer.” Gwilym said.  I turned to my mum and asked her how long did I have for rehearsal.

When she told me five minutes, I knew I could show them my audition routine that I had planned.  But after that we had to leave cause the next group to come in had to set up their things and warmup.  

The guys all took a seat along the mirrored wall while my mum handled the music.

Once my song began playing, I did my entire routine before the guys.  Showing Ben’s friends that while I can unleash the beast in Hip-hop, I can be as graceful and elegant as a swan.

After the routine was done, I got a standing ovation from all four of the guys as they applauded and whistled.  I gathered up my stuff and as I did, the guys all swarmed around me telling me what an amazing job I did, and that for some of the *cough*Joe*cough* I had them crying by the end of my routine.

We then left the dance studio and Ben’s friends allowed us to have our own personal family time (since Ben and I hadn’t seen each other in literally five years).  We said our goodbyes and soon our mum took us out to eat as sorta a family reunion/congratulations on all of our combined successes.

It was time.  The World of Dance qualifier rounds.  Today was my filming date and I knew in several weeks they would soon air it on TV worldwide.  Now I have performed in front of crowd before, but this—this was something else.

And not to even make me twice as nervous, I have seen what people comment on the show or the specific dancers.  Most of them are nice comments but then again it’s the Internet so there’s bound to be haters out there.

This one girl from last season just a few years older than me got so much hate in fact, that she ended up shutting down her Twitter page and I’m told she gave up on dancing all together.  I don’t know what I’m gonna do if that ends up being me.

I was running my routine through my head and stretching myself out.  With me to support me was my mum, Ben and Ben’s friends of Bohemian Rhapsody, Rami, Gwil and Joe.  With each dancing group or person that went up, I got more and more nervous.  Soon a producer came up to me and said.

“(Y/n), you’ll be on up after The Jumperz.”

“Okay, thank you.” I told him.  He nodded and walked away from me, at that moment I felt like I wanted to puke.

“Hey kiddo, how’s it going?” I looked up to see Ben standing over me.

“Good, very good.” He sat down beside me, his brow furrowed with concern.  Crap he knows, he always knows.

“You sure?” at this point I knew I couldn’t hide it anymore.  I tucked my legs into my chest and curled myself into a ball.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore Ben.”

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. Can we go home? Yeah, yeah let’s go home.” I said as I stood up.

“Now hold on, hold on love.” He took my hand into his stopping me from even walking away. “Let’s just sit down and talk about it real quick.” He stood up and we went outside of the room and stood along the hallway.

I leaned up against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest protectively and my leg bouncing with anxiety.

“Talk to me sis, what’s going on?”

“I just……I’m scared Ben. I don’t know why I am, I’ve performed in front of an audience before, I don’t know why I’m this nervous. It’s stupid I know.”

“Hey, hey, hey. No it’s not.” He said to me gently as he cupped my face, trying his best to not ruin my makeup. “You’re human, you have every right to be nervous. I’ll bet not a single one of these dancers you’re competing against isn’t feeling what you’re feeling now. And some of these guys might’ve been with well-known performers and are still feeling the nerves.”

“Is it always this nerve wracking for you every time you film something?” he nodded.

“Of course it is. I’m always worried about people’s reactions to me on screen. Even with all the positive feedback I get, I always keep my eye focused on that one negative outlook, no matter how many people say I’m good in a role.”

“I just don’t want the haters to pull me away from my dream like they did to that one dancer that came on the show last season.”

“Come here, have a seat in my lap.” He sat down on the floor and guided me till I was now sitting on his lap, holding me like a teddy bear. “There will always be haters and trolls out there in the world. That’s just what they get off of, is by bringing other people down, especially kids who go on shows like this. It’s wrong and vile but I won’t say you won’t encounter some hate. But the one thing you must keep in mind; is to never, ever let them dictate on who you are as a person.”

“Do you think I can do that?”

“Absolutely. You’re incredibly talented, you’re smart, kind, the most talented person I’ve ever met. I mean yeah I can dance but nowhere near to the level that you can. Hell you even beat out Joe in that little dance competition when you first met him a couple days ago.”

“I did do that, didn’t I?” he chuckled.

“You schooled him.”

“Ben no one says that anymore.”

“Whatever I’m a 90’s kid that was the lingo back then.”

“Back in the ancient times.” He scoffed.

“Alright miss smart-aleck I guess since you’re feeling well enough to sass me off you don’t need me anymore.” He plopped me off his lap and went to stand up but I gripped his shirt and begged.

“No Benny please!” all I could hear was his soft laughter.  I hit his arm and pouted. “You are so mean!”

“Aww sissy, you know I can’t help but be a little cheeky with you.” he teased as he playfully nudged my shoulder with his arm. I smiled and nodded.

“Yeah I know cause that’s your job.”

“It is my job. Well one of the many qualifications of being your Big Brother. The most important one though, is to be there for you when you need it.” He stroked the top of my head and I hugged him.

“Thanks Ben. I’m glad that you could be here.”

“Me too. And hey, accepted or not. I’m proud of all that you’ve done in your dancing career.” He whispered in my ear as he gave me a snug embrace.  

After our little bro-sis cuddle, we separated from each other and he asked me, “Do you still feel nervous?”

“A little but not as much.”

“Okay so there are two options we can do here; we can shake out the nerves, or my favorite—I can tickle them out of you.”

“No Ben you’ll ruin my costume!” I whined out as he chuckled.

“Okay, so we’ll shake them out then.” We both stood up and did our nerve shakeout.

Which was basically what he learned in theatre which was just shaking out your hands and feet counting backwards from 10, but each time we’d count, we’d go a bit faster.  Once we got one, Ben picked me up and spun me around before setting me down.

“Better?”

“Better.”

“Good, oh wait one last thing before you go out, gotta shake out those negative thoughts in that brain of yours.” He cupped my face in his hands and playfully shook my head around as he growled out in an angry tone, “Get out of my sister’s head you dirty rotter’s!”

“Ben!” I laughed.  He stopped as he grinned down at me.

“Had to make sure. You look beautiful, and I know you’re gonna wow everyone out there, especially the judges.”

“Thanks Benny. I love you.”

“Love you too kiddo.” He gave my nose a peck before escorting me back into the dance room.  A producer was calling out my name, I looked up at Ben and he nodded to me before I went racing off towards the producer to tell him I was here.

When he saw me, he guided me towards the corridor where I would walk down, go up the stairs and racing across towards the stage. I could hear the chanting claps of the audience and their cheers and soon I heard the announcer say through the speaker.

“Give it up, for (Y/n) Jones.” I raced across the corridor, took the steps two at a time before racing across the catwalk towards the stage.  As soon as I came on stage, everyone cheered and soon I was standing before Ne-Yo, Derek Hough, and Jennifer Lopez.  They greeted me with waves or nods and I waved to them.

“Hello sweetie.” Jennifer greeted me.

“Hi.” I waved back to her.

“Why don’t you tell us your name?”

“My name is (Y/n) Jones and I’m from London, England.”

“Oh a British Dancer. Finally someone from the UK.” Derek proclaimed.

“So how old are you?” Ne-Yo asked me.

“I just turned nine last month.” At that the crowd cheered for me and that’s when Ne-Yo said.

“Well happy belated birthday.”

“Thank you Ne-Yo.” He winked at me and said to me.

“Let’s see what you got (Y/n).” I nodded and handed my microphone to one of the assistants before racing off towards the back of the stage as the lights went down.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in before exhaling slowly.  This was it, make it or break it.

*Ben’s POV*

From backstage, my mum, the guys and I along with the other dancers could watch and see what was going on stage.  I pressed my hands together in a prayer motion as I had them against my lips, c’mon little sis I know you can do it.

*Play video*

Her song routine, Ashes by Celine Dion soon came on through the speakers and she began her routine.  The lights softly lit up in a sunrise color of yellow, orange, and purple.  She truly shined as her dance went on, going slow when she needed before finally sticking the landing or going with the beat of the song.

That entire stage was hers to command and she used the entirety of that stage for her routine.  I could hear the judges voices sound impressed with my sister’s routine, especially once the chorus struck and the hard drumbeats of the song kicked in.

The crowd was just in awe and applauded my sister, dazzled by her grace yet strength she was giving them in her performance.  Doing her 540’s, leg lifts, front flips, she was like the Freddie Mercury of dancing on that stage as she showed her true colors on that stage, especially as it lit up with her as the song got more powerful.

By the end of it when she stood up and just gave that pleading face of help as she reached out towards J-Lo, the lights went dark and the entire audience went nuts.  

“That was even amazing with the lights.” Said Joe.

“Agreed, she really lit that stage up.” Rami agreed.

“That’s our girl.” Mum said as I wrapped my arm around her.

“Alright, alright, alright, alright (Y/n). Now remind me how old you are?” Derek said.

“I just turned nine.” At that point Derek stood up from his chair flipping his pen which made everyone laugh. “Girl you look like you’ve been doing this for 20 years.” Everyone laughed.

“How old were you when you got into dancing?” asked J-Lo.

“I was 2.” (y/n) responded.

“Well it shows that you definitely have a passion for this. And you literally have been doing this your whole life. Just seeing you being able to do moves that—I couldn’t even do at your age till I was much older, that to me…..shows you have true love for dancing. And you already gave me goosies little missy and we just met you.”

“Uh-oh Jennifer with her goosies.” Ne-Yo said.

“She gave them to me, the goosies do not lie!”

“No they do not.” Derek said before he continued, “But just like Jennifer said. I mean my sister and I we did some contemporary a bit as kids but nowhere could we master it down just like you’ve done (Y/n). And that final move where you just landed right on your knees. I literally jumped from my seat.”

“Yeah it was like you had no bones little miss.” Ne-Yo said as my sister smiled and laughed. “Besides from what both Derek and Jennifer has said. Your timing is what really stuck out to me. Like it was like you were a part of the song itself. Like first you’d be like all smooth and fluid when the beat was gentle. But when the drumbeat kicked in hard with boom- boom boom-boom. That right there is what really stuck out to me.”

“I completely agree.” Derek said.

“Alright we’re gonna lock in our scores and we’ll see if you make it to the duels (Y/n).” J-Lo said with a smile. (Y/n) nodded and that’s when the lights dimmed down on her and we watched as the three judges locked in their scores, while making their silent commentaries to each other.

“Okay (Y/n), you need an 88 or above to qualify for the duels, let’s see what you scored.” The host said as he came out and stood beside my sister.  The lights shown down (like those game show lights whenever something gets suspenseful).

First up was Derek’s score; he gave her an 90.

At that my sister made a face of shock as her smile widened and she covered her mouth in shock.  The crowd cheered and up next was Ne-Yo’s score.

He gave her an 89.  Finally J-Lo’s score was a 92.  When the scores rounded up together was 90.3.  Her score shined up on the ceiling scoreboard and (Y/n) couldn’t believe it, poor sissy was even crying.

“Congratulations (Y/n) you made it to the Duels. How’s it feel?” the host asked as he held his microphone to her.

“It feel just—absolutely amazing. All three of you have been an inspiration to be in wanting to become a dancer and this just means so much to me. Thank you for letting me get this opportunity.”

“We can’t wait to see what you bring us, cause already little Miss, you’ve got the competitive edge. It better only get better from here on out.” Ne-Yo told her.  She nodded and thanked the judges one last time before running off the stage.

As she came running towards us, I had to be the first one she saw.  I cheered for her as I opened my arms out for her and she raced towards me before leaping right into my arms.  I spun her around as the two of us laughing joyously.

“You did it kiddo! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks to you Ben. I kept thinking about what you said, I dedicated my performance to you.” I felt myself tear up as I buried my face into her ponytailed hair.

“I would’ve been proud of you either way.” At this point the rest of the guys as well as our mum came up and congratulated her.

That night we celebrated her victory on making it to the next round of World of Dance.  Drinks for me and the guys, we danced, sung some karaoke, and just partied all night long.

[legolaslovely]

Surprises

A/N: Happy Fili Friday! I immensely enjoyed righting this. I hope you guys enjoy. For @patchworkideas Thank you for everything! <3 

Pairing: FiKi

Word Count: 6,100

Warnings/Tags: Modern AU, Cop!Fili, Artist!Kili, they are not related, angst, comfort, non explicit smut, fluff! 

Summary: For most of his life, Fíli didn’t like surprises and did his best to avoid them. Then he met someone who taught him to savor both giving and receiving anything unexpected.

Fíli never liked surprises. It’s not that he couldn’t handle any unexpected thing that was thrown at him with tact, it was just that he never enjoyed spectacles or too much effort or attention. His coworkers down at the station learned that about him the hard way when, after painstakingly planning and decorating a lovely surprise party for their newest and most dependable recruit, the birthday boy himself didn’t even show up for the celebration. It wasn’t until the next day they all learned Fíli had taken the day off from work to fish at the lake where the only birthday phone call he answered with more than a text was the one from his mother. 

For most of his life, Fíli didn’t like surprises and did his best to avoid them. Then he met someone who taught him to savor both giving and receiving anything unexpected.

***

September

Was he really this predictable? Fíli sat on his usual stool that was left open for him in the busy bar. Already there waiting for him was a cooled glass of the same lager he always ordered. He clearly had to change up his routine. After he drank his beer.

He took a sip, licked the foam from his mustache and as he went to set it on the ring already sunk into the coaster, his arm was jostled. The man who caused a splash quickly apologized.

“S’okay,” Fíli said.

It took him less than a minute to size the stranger up. Six feet, mid-twenties, broad shoulders, though not as broad as his own. The man waved to the bartender, lean yet strong muscle leaving a thick shadow over the bar. He was fit, probably a runner. Not a weightlifter like Fíli, who was in the gym every morning before his shift despite his hatred of getting out of bed any time before 10am. 

"Can I just get a...” the man trailed off as the bartender walked by, not even stopping to glance at the stranger in his bar. The man gave his head an entertained shake, freeing a stray curl that bounced over the center of his forehead, just above wide winged brows that were as dark as his eyes. Eyes that Fíli had barely gotten a glimpse of until they landed on him. They were glittering and not just with the old lights above the bar.

“Busy in here,” he said, running a hand through his hair that did nothing to restrain the leaping lock.

“Bartender takes care of his regulars first,” Fíli said with a shrug.

“Ah. Now that you say it, I think I read that in the handbook somewhere.”

He’s funny. Fíli shifted in his seat, turning to the side. Someone in this bar should welcome the stranger, why not him? Wasn’t it his duty? “Let me buy you a drink? I might have better luck with the bartender.”

Those dark brows shot up, uncovering a brighter, fresh looking face that had Fíli rethinking his age estimate. “Yeah. Sure,” the man said. He pointed over his shoulder. “I’m driving tonight so I’m just drinking soda. Uh, a Coke?”

“You’re a good friend,” Fíli said, hint of a smile peeking through his thick beard that he hoped hadn’t been soaked in beer foam. 

He pulled his eyes from the man and yelled for the bartender. “Dwalin! Can I get a Coke?”

“With what in it?” Dwalin yelled.

The stranger laughed, a higher pitch than Fíli thought would come out of him, but it was heart gripping all the same. “Uh, Ice?”

When the glass landed on the bar, Dwalin asked Fíli if he wanted another beer but Fíli shook his head.

“Why not? You’re off duty aren’t ya?”

“Of course I am,” Fíli said.

“Then I’ll getcha another.”

“No, no. Here,” he said, digging cash out of his wallet. 

Dwalin scooted away and snapped the towel from over his shoulder at Fíli’s hand. “Nah! Nah, nah. Save it, kid. On the house.”

Fíli slid the soda to the man by his side and waited until Dwalin was busy with another customer before shoving a twenty into the tip jar. 

“Thanks for the drink,” the man said .

“Fíli.”

“Yeah?” He scoffed. “Small world. My friends call me Kíli.”

The crowd seemed to settle and Dwalin’s Saturday night playlist easily descended to true background music as they talked, trading stories and small pieces of personal information. There was no prodding involved, it was just comfortable. Fíli couldn’t remember the last time he’d enjoyed a person’s presence more.

Kíli asked “off duty from what?” which launched the conversation of their individual careers. Fíli was waiting for the side eyed look he usually received when he let it out that he was a cop, but Kíli only smiled. He thanked him for his service. Fíli almost fell off his stool.

Kíli was an artist. When he mentioned he’d taught six classes at the college that day, Fíli stood, insisting Kíli take his chair. Only then had he noticed how crowded the bar had grown.

“No, please,” Kíli said. “I don’t want to take your seat.”

“You’re not taking anything. Sit.” But Fíli backtracked, leaving an escape path wide open. “If you want. Don’t let me keep you from your friends.” 

But Kíli sat. “I’m fine here.”

Even sitting, he was big. Fíli was not the kind to shrink from anyone or anything, but next to Kíli, his confidence and airs (an occupational hazard and necessity) deflated. Every coherent thought melted and simmered to god, he’s pretty. No one had ever affected Fíli this way and each time he straightened his shoulders or shifted on his feet and tried to expand, Kíli would smile and Fíli decided that maybe it was all right to be affected.

Kíli was chatty in an endearing and engaging manner. He had walked into the bar a stranger and now Fíli knew him better than some of the cops he’d met ten years ago. Kíli had recently moved from across the country. He had graduated from the college and fallen in love with the town, so when his parents passed away a few months ago, as a single child, he sold the house and moved back to his second home as he always wanted to. In an old but cozy house this time, instead of a dingy dorm. He started teaching painting lessons and in no time was hired as a professor in the arts department of the college. Dreams fulfilled.

He had an artist's hands. Thin but strong, calloused around the fingertips from brushes and tools and pencils. The veins and tendons popped as his hands waved, never sitting still as he spoke. He was mesmerizing, a moving painting that changed colors and concentrations as the night passed, customers left, and last call was announced. 

Someone behind them hollered Kíli’s name, but it was followed by shushing and giggling. Fíli turned around to see a tall red haired woman whispering loudly for all to hear. 

“He’s at the bar! Leave him alone, he’s with that hot guy.”

One of Kíli’s kinetic hands finally stilled over his eyes, rubbing his furrowed, unbelieving brow. Fíli knew his own cheeks were turning red, but he couldn’t give it another thought as Kíli looked up and grinned at him.

It was a thing of beauty really, reaching his eyes, smooshing them into glowing little slits with round cheeks and a heart shaped chin that curved his lips into the sweetest, smallest triangle.

“My friends...”

“Are having fun,” Fíli said. He sighed. The night had gone quicker than he’d wanted it to. “Will I see you here again?”

Kíli hopped off the stool. “Take my number and you can be sure of it.”

He watched Kíli type into his phone. Fíli had rules. He never kissed on a first date, he never kissed at the bar his boss frequented, he barely kissed in public at all, but this man made him want to change every rule he knew. Even the laws of gravity seemed to be changing because when Kíli gave his phone back and his hand lingered there, Fíli was sure he was floating. He wanted to kiss this man so badly his chest swelled with it, his mind swam in it, his fingers tingled with it, and then the decision was taken out of his hands. 

Kíli kissed his cheek. Just beside his lips. It was quick and unexpected but Fíli’s skin burned with Kíli’s touch long after he’d winked, said goodbye, and led his friends out of the bar. 

***

October

To say that Kíli was excited was an understatement. He was buzzing, trembling, vibrating in anticipation of Fíli’s arrival. He had only been in town for a little over a month when he met Fíli in Dwalin’s bar and it had taken longer than expected for Kíli to unpack from the big move and make his apartment suitable for visitors. Fíli often said, “I don’t care if it’s messy, I want to see your place,” with a very persuading kiss, but Kíli wanted everything to be perfect the first time Fíli came over for dinner.

Which is why Kíli had spent a good chunk of his week and paycheck preparing for this meal. Coaxing Fíli’s favorite recipes out of him- something that should have been sweet and easy and fun, turned into what Kíli imagined yanking hundred year old tree roots from winter turf would be like. And though he welcomed the chance to search through cookbooks and shop for the ripest, most delicious ingredients at the various markets, it all took time. But Kíli didn’t mind. This was important to him and he truly enjoyed pampering Fíli. The man wasn’t spoiled very often.

Kíli was sitting on the floor, staring into the clear oven window when his phone rang. 

“Fíli, it’s five of seven and I know you don’t talk on the phone while you’re driving which means you’re either on my doorstep or you haven’t left yet and it better be the former because if you’re late I will drink this entire bottle of wine without you.”

“I’m on my way, Kíli. I’m sorry, work... work held me up a bit. I’m getting in the car now. Do you need anything else from the store? Want me to stop for anything?”

“If you stop somewhere I’m going to drink both of these bottles by myself.”

“That would be entertaining.”

“Fíli.”

“I’m on my way. Ten minutes.”

Kíli slid his phone onto the counter and stirred the bubbling sauce, tasting it one more time to make sure it was perfect. He gathered a pinch of salt, held it over the pot, then flicked it all into the sink, unused.

“It’s fine,” he said to himself. “It’s fine.”

He heard the rumble of Fíli’s car a few minutes later and pulled the top few buttons of his favorite shirt open. Fíli would never say it out loud, but Kíli knew the black curls that traveled up his neck from his chest drove the man wild. Kíli decided Fíli deserved a little shameless torture and distraction for making him wait an extra eight minutes.

The doorbell rang as he was twisting a corkscrew into the first bottle of Merlot. “It’s open!” he yelled.

It didn’t take long for arms to wrap around his waist and a grumbling to sound in his ear. “Stop leaving your door unlocked,” Fíli growled.

“Yes sir,” Kíli said in time with the pop of the cork.

“Something smells good.”

“Wait until you taste it,” Kíli said. “I ate so much of this as I cooked it- for tasting reasons- and honestly, I don’t even think there’s enough here for you.” He turned around in Fíli’s arms and almost dropped the full glass in his hands. “Fíli.”

Fíli took the wine out of Kíli’s hand and put it on the counter out of reach. He let Kíli stare.

The bruise around his eye reached up over his brow and down to his cheekbone. It seemed to grow darker by the moment, as if every wince of pain and pity turned his blood black. One soft, blue, undeserving iris was surrounded by red clouds.

“What happened?”

“I’m all right. I got called in for a domestic and I took a hit while cuffing the guy.”

Kíli didn’t speak, only stared while his grip on Fíli tightened.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I had to do some paperwork.”

“Don’t apologize.”

Only then did Kíli realize Fíli was still in his uniform. He’d seen the dark blue before, cinching and gaping in all the right places, suiting Fíli beyond measure, but now Kíli despised every inch of it. 

“I’ll grab something for you to wear-”

“I brought clothes,” Fíli said. “I’ll go change.”

Kíli released him hesitantly. “First door on the right.” He clicked off the burners and the oven and shoved the cork back into the wine bottle. Instead, he carried two glasses of bourbon to the couch he’d brought from his parents’ house. Ice cubes clicked together as he laid the packed towel on the small table and sat, sinking into the well used cushion and resting his arm over the back of the couch. 

He chuckled when Fíli came down the hall in his dress shirt and pants. “I thought you were going to change into something more comfortable.”

“What, am I getting too handsome for you?” Fíli asked, smirk only reaching one side of his face.

“It’s close.”

Fíli made a show of unbuttoning the top of his shirt. 

“Getting closer,” Kíli said.

When Fíli sat, he scooted down into the couch until the old thing almost ate him whole. With his eyes closed, he couldn’t see Kíli watching him, but he could feel it. He sensed the routine emotions, the ones that come when you’re dating an officer. Constant concern that, like Kíli’s watercolors, mixed with splashes of ire and exasperation. Wonder was the crucial canvas that held it all together while remaining steady in the background. What went on in those squad cars? Would he always be safe? Always come home? Would Kíli want to stick around, stay in this budding relationship long enough to find out?

He jumped when he blindly felt Kíli’s fingers running through the ends of his hair. The towel had grown heavy and sopping from the melted ice and Kíli took it from him.

“Have I told you how great this apartment is?” Fíli asked, tilting his head to look at Kíli.

“No.” Kíli said, giving his best frown. “You came in, used my bathroom and ruined my best towel.”

Fíli laughed, soft, deep, and rumbling. Comforting. But it was brief. “Don’t forget I also ruined your dinner, our night, and everything we’ve been looking forward to.”

“Nonsense.”

“Kíli, I’m so sorry.”

Kíli scooted closer. “Don’t apologize.” He leaned down and kissed Fíli’s temple, caressing the sore spot with soft, warm lips that seemed to have their own healing powers. When he drew away, Fíli was watching him.

“You always surprise me,” he said, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Kíli who buried his face into the crook of Fíli’s neck. 

“I’m sick of being surprised,” he murmured against Fíli’s skin.

***

November

Kíli’s hand found Fíli’s as he drove home from the restaurant. The dinner had been nice- glowing candles, red wine, snobby yet over-polite waiters and dainty portions. It was clear they were both a bit out of their element in the dark, very quiet dining room. Even Kíli seemed a bit shy, but slowly, his small smiles lit their corner of the room- a beacon for Fíli to fuel and admire.

Though their meal together had been enjoyable, it was the farthest thing from Fíli’s mind as Kíli’s fingers intertwined in his. Practiced digits danced, looped, caressed, tickled, until his first finger broke loose and slid up the inside of Fíli’s thigh. Kíli’s focus remained on the road, but the very corner of his lips tweaked upwards. Soft and ever pink, surrounded by a scratch of permanent black stubble, pulled and bent, letting Fíli know their minds were on the same subject. 

They’d been dating a few weeks now. They’d talked and planned, then those plans were ruined when Fíli took a black eye at work. It was the new arrangement that led to this night. Their night. Which is why Fíli held Kíli’s hand- every finger- far away from any part of his leg. His breath had already grown quick and heavy and he refused to ruin their plans once again by losing control and fucking Kíli right there in the front seat of his own car. He took a deep breath that broke and shook halfway through and rolled a thumb over Kíli’s knuckles, forcing himself to think of something else as they managed to stop at every single red light in the entire damn town. Kíli only chuckled. 

Fíli was a patient gentleman as he followed Kíli to the door and they stepped inside. However, he would never know if Kíli had planned nightcaps or coffee because as soon as the front door was locked behind them, Fíli kissed him. His fingers dove through black hair, circled the nape of Kíli’s neck, down his chest, around his waist and into his back pockets. Kíli moaned in his mouth and that was it.

He picked Kíli up and swallowed the deep growl it caused. (He’d think more about that later and revel in the fact that Kíli liked to be manhandled by him.) Kíli wrapped his limbs close around Fíli, coiling like a serpent, as if he couldn’t get close enough. As if he were trying to climb under Fíli’s own skin to share the same blood rushing heartbeat. In turn, Fíli clawed at him and balled the evil, offending shirt- the layer between them- into his fists, sucking in a sharp breath as Kíli’s already hard erection ground into his.

After mumbled directions, elbow slams and palm slaps against the walls, Fíli found the bedroom. Next step: the lamp. Fíli wanted to see. Every line, every crevice, every hair, smile, lip bite- everything that was finally allowed to be his, he wanted it. He was greedy. 

He laid Kíli on the bed, hovered over him, tore off his shirt, kissed, nipped, and traveled down the warm, gorgeous body below him. He lost himself in the swirling southern wind of desire, couldn’t cherish each precious moment as he’d dreamed of doing. It was all too fast but he rode the storm, unable to stop until he could feel and hear and see everything.

It was only Kíli’s gasped “Wait!” that had him sitting back on his knees thinking Please, please don’t change your mind about us. Please don’t ask me to leave. Please-

But his thoughts stopped completely as Kíli sat in his lap and held his face. “I want this to last,” he said. He smiled and Fíli was sure it was brighter than any light he’d seen. Kíli went on. “I’m excited too- more excited than I’ve ever been. I want to touch you and pleasure you.” Hands fell down Fíli’s chest and up his thighs. “But I want to take my time about it.”

In all the nights spent imagining sharing Kíli’s bed, Fili hadn’t ever thought of going slow. He could hear Kíli whining and screaming his name, begging for more and harder. He saw strangled bed sheets tear and felt nails leaving divots in his back as reminders of uncontrolled passion. Slow never crossed his mind, but now that it did, he couldn’t imagine it any other way. 

Kíli only smiled and kissed him. Slowly. Deeply. Pouring every ounce of devotion and admiration into Fíli’s body and mind with tender touch, soft lips, and warm caresses of his tongue.

“We do have all night, don’t we?” Fíli asked.

Kíli hummed against his lips. 

So they took their time. Each charted every breath, discovered tender corners, mapped wide plains and lapped at warm waters. They took all night and long into the morning before finally falling asleep after a well deserved breakfast of Fíli’s apparently famous pancakes. 

As Kíli curled into his arms and fell asleep against him, Fíli wondered if he had ever felt as loved as he did by Kíli. Kíli had watched him, eyes forever open, no matter what Fíli did. Kíli treasured every inch of his body, took him to soaring heights that left him trembling in long lean arms and reaching for soft, short kisses that never lacked emotion or affection. Had Fíli ever snorted with laughter while inside someone? Definitely not. But he wanted to do it again with Kíli. Always with Kíli.

***

April

It didn’t take long for Fíli to learn how much Kíli loved the unexpected. Their second date was Fíli’s plan and as soon as he casually said the location of their night was a surprise, Kíli erupted like pecans in a food processor. His wide eyes shone in the headlights from across the street as they took note of every street sign. Despite his best intentions, he asked nosy questions like “How long will it take to get there?” and “Will I need my jacket? Are we even going inside?” and when Fíli played the game and said, “I’m not telling you,” Kíli only grinned as if that in itself was a hint. That amount of fidgeting and finger tapping and ankle crossing may have been annoying to anyone else, but Fíli found it extremely endearing. And on the drive home, Fíli was already thinking of other things that would exercise Kíli’s excitement and curiosity.

This surprise, however, was a big one. It was a big step, a big decision. But the best part about it, the part that made Fíli push ahead with this plan in the first place, was that Kíli was completely unsuspecting. Completely.

“Isn’t your spring break coming up next month?” Fíli asked late one morning after pouring his third cup of coffee. “Do you have any plans?”

Kíli hummed while he thought. “Nnnno. Not really. I was going to clean up some paintings and frame them for the collection at the college at the end of the semester.”

“Landscapes?”

“Some of them,” Kíli said, distracted, not seeing Fíli’s point. 

“How would you feel about adding some beach landscapes to your selection?”

A slow, but wide grin- wider than any horizon Kíli had ever painted- stretched over his face. “I could do that.”

“Good.” Fíli turned, clicking off the coffee pot and pulling the mug to his lips to hide his smile. He wasn’t at all shocked when he felt Kíli’s arms wrap around his waist, as comfortable and snug as an old sweatshirt.

“Wouldn’t you rather a cabin in the woods?” Kíli asked, running his cool nose up the crook of Fíli’s shoulder to his ear. It was well mapped territory. “I could also paint landscapes of the lake.”

“You love the beach.”

Kíli hummed and Fíli could feel his chest reverberating against his back. He leaned into it. 

“But you love the quiet,” Kíli said. “Cool nights under cozy blankets…. Crisp mornings watching the fog lift from the lake…” His hands were wandering.

“I also love the beach when you are wearing nothing but a very small swimsuit.”

“Then I’ll go buy an even smaller one,” Kíli said, pushing and pulling and grabbing all the right places because he loved his surprises that much.

The new swimsuit Kíli bought for their vacation was indeed smaller than any he had ever owned and Fíli couldn’t decide if he appreciated how the other beach goers admired what was his or if he hated the jealousy it brought out in him. Either way, Kíli basked in Fíli’s gaze always and he made sure any feelings of envy were washed away with the tide.

Kíli truly catered to Fíli’s needs while they were away, meaning the only time he wore a shirt was when some kind of dress code mandated it. They didn’t spend a lot of time in restaurants for that reason. Instead, they went to the store, sandals clapping against the tile floor and Kíli wrapped up in Fíli’s warmest but also saltiest sweatshirt, shopping for sandwich supplies and cheesy pretzels, iced teas and beer. 

After the first day, Fíli bought a beach umbrella the size of their car because he didn’t care if Kíli only tanned and never burned, he wanted to enjoy Kíli’s semi nakedness without worrying about his health. He’d also purchased an untold number of sunscreen bottles to empty and massage into Kíli’s skin multiple times a day. It was hard work rubbing the white out of a dark chest pelt, up over muscled shoulders, down a tapered  waist, around a furry belly, and down thick legs. It was a burden only Fíli could bear. Kíli felt well taken care of and made sure Fíli never noticed the cans of spray sunblock at the store.

Their third day on the coast, Kíli managed to drag Fíli from the bed and out to the beach for the sunrise. The early hour benefits outweighed Fíli’s grumbling: they escaped the crowds, the parking passes, and the heat, able to simply cherish each other’s company as they sat with their toes in the surf and their arms around one another. As the morning went on, sleepiness transferred from one man to the other and Fíli was able to get his revenge on his morning loving lover. He pulled Kíli through the sand, diving into the frigid high tide, giggling, splashing, and shoving until Kíli’s cold fingers stroked Fíli’s beard and pulled them face to face. That was the moment Fíli decided he loved Kíli’s salty kisses the best.

The sun flew across the sky that day and clocked out early like it too was on vacation. Tourists left and there were still a few hours before the night beachcombers would arrive. Similar to that morning, Fíli and Kíli had the beach to themselves and they used the public privacy to curl into each other under their now unneeded umbrella. 

Fíli rolled over top of his love. White specks of sand made Kíli’s curls even thicker and the salt water left the tresses heavy between Fíli’s fingers. A soft, content hum escaped the one beneath him and his heart swelled. He tried to tell Kíli how much he loved him. I want to share every moment of life with only you. You’ve enriched my life from the moment we met in that bar and I’ve been drunk on you ever since. You turned a lonely and alone man into someone loved and cherished and worth your time. You are so important, you are everything.

“I love you so much,” was all that came out.

Kíli’s thumb rolled over his cheek and tried to dislodge the clear line of tears that seemed stuck in blue eyes that matched the day lit sky. Fíli always welled up from toe to crown when he tried to tell Kíli how much he loved him.

“I know,” Kíli said. “I love you too, Fíli.”

***

August

Fíli drove too fast to Kíli’s apartment. He’d texted, he’d called, and yet he’d heard nothing from Kíli all day. Usually Kíli would shoot back messages fairly quickly, writing something on the spot to make Fíli smile or laugh or even blush and shift in his chair enough for his partner to ask who he was talking to. Kíli would always answer when Fíli called, picking up on the second or third ring no matter what he was doing in case Fíli needed him. Today, every line of communication went unanswered. 

When Fíli pulled in the driveway he could see the low light from the lamp in the front room through the curtains that Fíli had helped Kíli pick out last year. Other than that square of yellow, the rest of the house was dark. He took the chance that Kíli was still awake and though he had a key to the house, he knocked on the door.

He listened. No tv, no music, but soon footsteps. Kíli answered the door, half full glass in hand and waving around. 

“Oh. Hey.” He walked back into the house, leaving Fíli in the doorway.

“Hey. You didn’t answer your phone all day so I wanted to make sure you were all right.” He locked the door behind him, but Kíli was still standing in the middle of the room with his back to Fíli as if he wasn’t there.

Fíli was fit to burst. The words were on the tip of his tongue: Why haven’t you answered my calls? You couldn’t have even said ‘talk to you later, I’m busy?’ Do you know how worried I was? I thought something was wrong!

But as Fíli watched Kíli, unmoving, fingers hooked around the top of the glass, shoulders hunched like he’d never seen them, it was clear that something was wrong. 

Fíli’s hand found the small of Kíli’s back, the little divot made just for that purpose, and Kíli turned and blinked sluggish and heavy lidded eyes. “Sorry,” he said. “You want something to drink? S’on the counter,” he said, waving his glass and spilling a splash on the floor. “Shit.”

“I got it,” Fíli said. “You wanna sit?”

He watched Kíli fall into the oversized easy chair in the corner of the room. It rocked and creaked, not used to being sat in. Whenever Fíli was over, the two would pile on the couch so they could tangle their limbs and fill each other’s space and share everything. Now Kíli sat alone in the chair and nothing could be shared. 

Fíli wiped up the liquid that almost burned the inside of his nose and threw the towel on the small table. By then, Kíli had leaned forward onto his thighs, holding his head in his hands. 

“This is a new spot for you,” Fíli said, settling on his knees below Kíli on the floor.

A grin spread across Kíli’s face that pushed his eyes closed. “Not for you though.” He pulled Fíli’s hands to his thighs and leaned down to kiss him. The half empty bottle on the counter was enough to tell Fíli his boyfriend was sloshed, but it was the taste of him that let Fíli know it hadn’t been the first bottle opened. He could get tipsy himself from just kissing Kíli. 

A word made its way between them and disrupted their embrace.

“Mee-mm- need a new couch.”

Fíli glanced at the perfectly good piece of furniture he’d spent plenty of time in. “You think so?”

“It’s too old. Doesn’t match any of the other furniture.”

“I can take you shopping this weekend.”

At the mention of actually following through with his plan, Kíli turned to the offending couch with a threatening glare. The plush cushions sat pitifully like a dog saved from the shelter who had peed on the floor and chewed the bed while left alone.

“I’m just sorry I spent all that money driving it across the country.”

“It’s still in good condition,” Fíli said. “You could sell it and make the money back. College students are always looking for good sofas.”

Fíli would talk about this fucking couch until Kíli finally came out with what was really bothering him. He knew every one of Kíli’s emotions even better than his own, and right now, he knew just because Kíli had a cover over his passion, didn’t mean the fire wasn’t still raging underneath. Fíli knew he only had to wait. He watched the deep brown eyes he’d fallen in love with grow laser focused, staring without seeing.

A thick thumb dragging over a knee was what blew the cover off the inferno and added gas.

“I fucked up, Fíli. I fucked it all up. I shouldn’t have sold the house. What kind of person sells their parents’ house a month after they die? But I couldn’t look at it anymore and now I can’t go see it even if I wanted to because someone else lives there now! And all I brought with me were some photo albums and this fucking couch! I want it gone! I wanna fucking burn it but I look at it and half of me sees my family, watching movies and eating dinner and talking about me coming here to go to school and the other half of me sees you and all the time we’ve spent here.”

All of Kíli’s strength and energy flew out on his words and he slumped to the floor, falling into Fíli’s arms that were ready to catch him. Fíli pulled him into his lap. As his lover’s chest heaved and hiccuped and his hot tears slid down into the hollows of Fíli’s neck, Fíli let his own tears fall. His job was to protect people, most importantly, to protect Kíli. He thought he’d been doing well, but he couldn’t exactly keep grief in custody.

“And I don’t want to be a teacher!” Kíli pulled his face from the crook of Fíli’s neck, revealing his pink cheeks and swollen eyes. He rubbed his nose on his sleeve. “I don’t want to be a fucking professor, I want to paint. I don’t want to teach five classes a day and have office hours and be too exhausted to come home and make something for myself. I want to go to classes and be as inspired as my students are-” His breath caught in his chest as more tears flew down his face. Fíli caught them with his thumbs, swiping them away- blending and shading as Kíli taught him as if he could turn Kíli’s pain into something more beautiful and comforting. It didn’t work.

“You’ll call tomorrow,” Fíli said. “Reduce the number of classes you’re teaching, have fewer office hours. It’s still summer, you have time to make these changes before the new semester starts. Hey,” he whispered, making Kíli look at him. “We’re in this together. We’ll fix everything that needs to be fixed.”

Kíli relaxed in his arms. The drink had been washed from his eyes and they once again focused in on Fíli. “You are all I have. I want you to move in here. With me.”

Fíli thought of the key he just had the hardware store make. He thought of the dinner reservations for this weekend when he was going to ask Kíli to move in with him. 

“My dream was to move back here and paint. But even when I have the time for my art, there’s still something missing. It’s you. I want you here with me. All the time, I want you to move in.”

Fíli nodded, running his fingers through black curls. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”

They did talk about it and Fíli found a guy from work who needed a place to stay and was glad to take over the remainder of Fíli’s lease. That weekend, he moved his stuff in, crowding his favorite books and old CDs into Kíli’s endless bookshelves, piling plates he’s had since college into the cabinets, figuring out which side of the closet belonged to whom and watching Kíli struggle to donate some of the shirts Fíli had never once seen him wear. When the bed was covered in boxes and bags, they made love on the floor, too impatient to move piles of clothes, but never too impatient to tease one another and make each other scream. Kíli said that the neighbors would have to get used to the more frequent noise.

Sunday afternoon, Fíli took Kíli furniture shopping, but they came back to their home empty handed. They weren’t able to find a couch that was as comfortable and perfectly worn in as the one they already had. No new sofa in the warehouse smelled of Kíli and the beer he’d spilled on his seventeenth birthday and the blanket Fíli brought from his apartment and the clean sweat that had managed to sink down deep into the cushion from many rounds of vigorous, furniture creaking, lube leaking sex. That was their couch and would be for a very long time.

***

After a year spent together, Kíli still surprised Fíli every day. Sometimes it was as small as making the perfect cup of coffee in the morning. But the one thing that never bewildered Fíli was how his ardent love for the painting stranger from the bar seemed to grow with every moment they shared together.

[cozykhaos]

A New Sun Part 13

Saturday morning I woke up to my head throbbing, my vision blurred every time I moved. My stomach lurched if I moved too quickly and my mouth tasted and felt like I had licked the field from one end of the farm to the other. After brushing my teeth several times and many cups of coffee I started to feel normal again. I spent the rest of the day in the Community Center writing lists of what I need to find. I realized I would need help. What was a Fiddlehead Fern? Where would I find an Eel? I obviously needed animals on the farm. Did someone have 25,000G laying around? I sure didn’t. How the hell do you grow a pomegranate?

I laid back on the floor, the ground underneath me groaned with my weight and the carpet squished against my body. I dug my palms into my eyes, what had I gotten myself into? Asher put his head on my shoulder and sighed.

“You’re telling me,” I looked at him. He had spent the days chasing the Junimos, every time he was close enough to catch them they would disappear in a cloud of sparkles. My dog would stare at the spot in confusion, once they reappeared they would start the game over.

I frowned at the list, if I had checked the mail sooner I would already have two bundles done. At this point it would a year before I finished. I pinched the bridge of my nose and headed out. Tomorrow was the first day of Summer and I wasn’t prepared at all. I would have enough money to buy seeds but until my first harvest it would be tight. Sitting on the front porch of my house I looked across the fields, the sun was starting to melt behind trees, the crickets started to chirp.

I remembered coming here the first day of my Summer vacation. Grandpa would always buy corn seeds, telling me how they lasted all the way through Fall. The fields would be blossoming with life.

Blueberries, melons, sunflowers, peppers, radishes, tomatoes. It was a lot of work, but now I was starting to realize that grandpa didn’t make me do that much. He would always let me go off and hang out with the others. Letting me enjoy my Summer.

Eos Farm wouldn’t have half that life this Summer.

Next year. The little voice inside me said and I agreed with it. With that in mind I went inside and rested up for the next day.

I made sure to be waiting outside of Pierre’s when it opened. I had a long day ahead of me and I was ready to get to work. As soon as the door unlocked I pulled it open, Asher darted inside, Pierre looked at me, shock written across his face.

“Good morning Kit!” He said.

“Morning!” I shoved a to go cup of coffee at him.

“Oh, thank you,” he took the cup. Ash had found a bone on one of the lower shelves, he marched up to me, drool already all over the bone. I frowned. “Not like we can put it back now.”

I picked up the seeds I needed, remembering the bundles I pulled out my list. My frown deepen.

“Everything okay?” Pierre asked from behind the counter.

I looked at him from over the shelf and gave him a thumbs up. I needed tomatoes and hot peppers to complete the bundle, I hadn’t considered budgeting for them. I put back a couple of corn seed packets.

I went to the front and paid.

It will all be worth it. The voice encouraged as I walked back home, bag in hand. Ash paraded in front of me, bone in mouth. My footsteps came to a halt as I noticed a black pick up parked outside the farm gate. Ash was now at my heels as I ran the rest of the way.

“Hey there Sunshine!” My dad waved from the front porch. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. “What are you standing around for, let’s get to work.”

We sat on the porch the sun was melting behind the trees. We drank water infused with mint and lemons and ate cucumber and ranch sandwiches. The was valley was still, a few birds nested on my fence post, chirping.

“You know, this farming thing is hard,” my dad spoke in between bites of his sandwich.

“Yeah it is,” I nodded. “I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, helping grandpa out all those years. Turns out I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”

“I don’t know, it looks like you have some fucking idea,” Dad nudged me with his elbow, shoving his chin towards the field. We had planted in neat rows, each mound damp with water. I had made little signs for each row and carved the name of the crop then shoved them deep into the soil.

“I wish I would of paid more attention when I was here. I wish I would of helped him more,” my voice broke.

“Sunshine, you were the light of your grandfather’s life and he appreciated you so much. He lived for these summers.”

Then you stopped coming.

Then he died.

Then Eos died.

I shook my head and focused on my fields, my farm.

“You’re going to be alright,” Dad said.

I looked at him and smiled. “Yeah, yeah I am.”

I slept that night in my old sleeping bag, Ash betrayed me and snuggled up to my dad who snuggled the pup to his chest and kissed his forehead goodnight. I don’t blame him, the bed was way more comfortable than the floor. One day I’d need a guest bedroom and a bigger bed.

My internal alarm didn’t fail me and woke me up before the actual alarm did. I woke dad up by pulling the pillow out from under his head. He bolted upright, Ash fell to the floor, scrambling under the bed. Dad had his gun out and was aiming it at no one. He blinked up at me. “Why would you do that!?”

“Power hour!” I yelled and started squatting, my knees popped loudly in protest.

His eyes went wide before he burst into laughter. I did my morning routine and met dad outside, he was  sitting on the porch with Ash, coffee cup in hand.

“Sunrises are something else here.”

I looked towards the horizon, it was ablaze with golds and burst of pink.

“There is something else about the Valley.”

Dad left that afternoon, deciding that I had everything under control. His fair Irish skin was burned, his red hair disheveled and red beard was already grown out. I called him a pansy and hugged him goodbye. I finished weeding the field, and broke down more stones adding them to the pile next to my house. Sweat dripped down my forehead and into my eyes, stinging them. I pulled my boots off and set them by the front door. Ash stuck his head in one immediately pulling it back out and rubbed his nose on the ground.

“I’m gross, why would you even do that?” I asked him. He responded with a sneeze. I headed towards the mountains, barefoot. I’d search for the Foraging bundle that I needed for the Community Center. It was just the start of Summer and the heat was overbearing. The dry heat pressed down and very little of the ocean breeze reached the farm.

I passed in front of Robin’s house, I hadn’t talked to Linus since the Egg Festival and still wasn’t sure about the older man. I paused spying my dark haired friend in front of the mountain lake, looking out over the still glassy water. I thought back to when we would spend the morning in that lake, then running to the beach in the afternoon, ice creams in hand. I started running towards the water, passed Sebastian and canon balled into the lake. I heard a cry of surprise as I plunged downward into the crisp, cool water. I let myself sink to the bottom of the lake then kicked back to the surface. Sebastian was kneeling down, cigarette between two fingers. “A little warning next time?”

I beamed at him and swam to the edge of the lake. Ash and Asha were just off the shore playing together.

“Next time I scream while I’m running through the mountains.”

“Oh yeah, really set off the small town murder vibe,” he took a drag off his cigarette. “You know that water is gross.”

“Yeah, I heard fish pee in here,” I scrunched up my face in disgust. Sebastian cocked an eyebrow at me, but let out a little chuckle. “But seriously, I was disgusting just a few minutes ago, my stench alone probably killed a few plants on the way over.”

This time he snorted and shook his head. The dogs stopped at the sound, observing us then going back to their play time.

“So you came all this way to swim?” Sebastian asked. He was still kneeling down, his face hovered right above mine. I could easily grab him by the front of his shirt, pull his face down to mine..

STOP IT.

I shook the thoughts from my head. “I was actually looking for some things.”

“Ooh, scavenger hunt.”

“Not an exciting one.”

“Can we go into the mines?” Sebastian asked.

“Maybe later,” I thought back to my list that was in my bag at home. There was a lot I could use from the mine, slime, solar essence, quartz, a copper, iron and gold bar. “Right now I just need a grape, spice berry and sweet pea.”

Sebastian furrowed together in confusion. “What?”

I raised my voice. “A GRAPE, A SPICE BERRY AND A SWEET PEA.”

“Damn woman I heard you, I’m just confused.” Sebastian rubbed his ears. I chuckled, letting go of the side and floated backwards.

“A girl has to eat.”

“Can you even eat sweet peas?”

I thought back to a show I had watched the other night, ‘Living off the Land’ sweet peas were edible, but had no benefits. I shrugged then swam back over to the side and pulled myself out of the water. My clothes clung to me and water puddled around my feet. “So, are we going on this adventure?” I asked Sebastian.

He didn’t answer. I felt his dark eyes drag over my curves, roam over my body, ending at my bare toes.

“Bash?” My voice was barely a whisper, suddenly gone under his gaze.

“Kit,” my name coming from his lips caused a zip to run up my spine. “Kit,” he echoed and his eyes snapped to mine. “Towel?”

“Oh uh,” I looked down at toes, wiggling them in the puddle. Ash came over and licked at my legs. I glanced up and noticed Sebastian swallow and suddenly become extremely interested in a near by plant. “I can just go home and change, I probably should before I catch a cold.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian let out a nervous laugh. “We have to go by Marnie and Leah’s any ways. Best place to look is in that field.”

I was surprised, I expected him to back out. We walked back towards Eos, in silence but a comfortable one. At one point our hands bumped together, Sebastian withdrew his and buried them into his pockets. My heart clenched. Rejection. My greatest fear.

[purplesurveys]

1014

What snack food could you not live without? I feel like “can’t live without” is pushing it too far, but Pringles is my favorite and I imagine I’d be pretty miserable if they hypothetically suddenly disappear or stop production. Can never get enough of those.

What/where is your favorite restaurant? And what do they specialize in? Yabu. It’s Japanese, but they mainly specialize in katsu so they don’t have sushi or ramen or sukiyaki or other types of Japanese food. I haven’t had my usual since February or March, so I can’t waaaait until I can finally order for myself.

How do you waste time when you are procrastinating? Looking for anything I can watch on YouTube. Once I’ve found a video it usually is able to send me into a black hole of other videos, so it’s been quite the effective way to avoid tasks or things I’m worrying about.

Do you follow any celebrities on social media? Who? I don’t, honestly. I never understood it about myself lol; I’m fascinated by a number of celebrities but the idea of being constantly updated about their personal lives just never seemed appealing to me. I guess I just like them for what they do and the celebrity that comes with it. The only one I follow on Twitter is Hayley Williams.

Who do you admire for what they have accomplished? Probably Arlan. Dude had like 10 orgs while in college, was in the college student council, and he got accepted to Columbia’s graduate program for journalism for the next school year. Idek how he even finds the time to sleep.

Would you like if you never had to work again? Lately I’ve been learning about myself that work gives me a sense of purpose, so even if I was offered all the money in the world, I’d take it but I would still want to work (assuming I’m in a job I like and care about). I never want to go back to how shitty I felt in September when I was neither studying nor working.

Are you a big sports fan? What team and sports? I like watching basketball and volleyball games, but only the ones played in our local university league – that said, I obviously root for my school lol. I like pro wrestling too, but they don’t work in teams.

Do you believe in following your dreams? Yes, but the way there is vastly different for everyone in that some people may have the connections and resources early on, while some will have to work and claw a little harder. The playing field isn’t always level, unfortunately.

Do you like to play board games? They’re fine, but I typically prefer to watch from the sidelines mostly because I’m terrible at following instructions and retaining them in my head as I play.

What were your favorites games as a kid? Does it have to be board games? I played outside way more often and my favorites were patintero, 10-20, and a game we called ‘ice ice water,’ which is really just freeze tag. I also liked pick-up sticks.

Would you like to be a “stay at home” mom or dad? I dunno if I would enjoy that, honestly. Like I said, I like the idea of working as it makes me feel productive...but who knows? I’m only 22, literally a fresh graduate, I don’t have kids, and it’s a long way before I can possibly become a mom. But my priorities could always change; I could wind up being a mom who is content with being a housewife. I really have no clue, and I’ll never know until I get there.

How are your “direction skills” when you are driving? Yeah, they’re nonexistent. I need Waze all the time if I’m the one driving, even if it’s going to a place I routinely travel to.

Do you need to be in charge or are you happy to let someone else take charge? It depends on how confident or familiar I am with the task at hand. I can handle being either a leader or a follower; but I do think that, for all tasks I’m involved in, I do like to help call the shots and decide on things on some level, no matter how little it is. I never just follow, if that makes sense.

Would you rather “talk it out” or “let it go” and hope it’s forgotten about? Talk it out. Communication is really important to me.

What celebrity have others told you that you look like? Anna Akana and Lucy Hale.

Do you like to dance? What kind do you enjoy the most? Only either when I’m alone or have had a lot to drink. I don’t actually know any types of dance.

Do you feel anxious right now? Eh, not really. I’m a little sad, but getting out of bed to sit at my desk has slightly fixed that for the meantime.

Do you like to eat breakfast for dinner? What are your faves? Sometimes my dad will make breakfast food for dinner, yeah. I’m never enthusiastic about it lol, but I don’t complain.

Do you feel like you will ever have enough money to make you happy? Sure, I think so. I know I definitely don’t want to end up being extremely selfish about money.

What is more appealing to you: a pub crawl or a wine tasting? Pub crawl, for sure. I hate wine anyway.

What classes or courses would you take to learn more about? International relations, biology, and anthropology.

Would you ever get a tattoo? What kind would you get? Idk if I would ever get one, but one of my ideas is to have Paramore’s lyrics “For all the joy that is to come / Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal” on my wrist, kinda like as a reminder that there are brighter days ahead. That’s not the correct sequence of lyrics, but combining those lines together was what spoke to me the most. 

How much time do you spend working out a week? (you can fib a little) I don’t work out.

Do you dress up for Halloween? What was your best costume? Only if my friends have something planned. I’ve mentioned this several times lately but my personal favorite costume was going as my old best friend, Sofie. It was so low-effort but everyone understood who I was and had a kick out of it.

How often do you like to shop online? I never really did it regularly before since I had been on a tight allowance throughout college, but now that I’m earning on my own I could see myself ordering stuff online 1-2 times a month.

Have you ever spent time “online dating?” No. I had Tinder before, but just to people-watch. Still not interested in it now.

Do you ever hang out with your parents? How about your siblings? No. We don’t do one-on-one bonding; we’re all emotionally unequipped for that lol. I hate that I missed out on family things like that; and my future kid/s is/are definitely getting a lot of solo dates with me.

What is the number one way that you like to spend your time? Probably going on YouTube. There’s always something to watch over there.

Is it easy or hard for you to be lazy all day? Easy for the most part, but if I know I have work to do I also like getting my ass up to wrap that up as quickly as I can.

How similar are you to your zodiac sign characteristics? Based on what’s been shoved down my throat from social media, Tauruses  love their food, hold grudges, are fiercely loyal, resistant to change, and annoyingly stubborn. Those things are all me.

What are you addicted to? I don’t have any addictions.

What is the last song that you saved to your playlist? Haven’t been using my playlists lately.

If you could listen to only one artist, who would that be? Paramore.

Who would you like to be president right now? We have a dictator of a president at the moment and the list of potential candidates for 2022 isn’t looking too great either, so...who the fuck knows. I’m hoping someone capable – and someone preferably younger – steps up to take the challenge before 2022. I look forward to the day we take to the streets to celebrate the same way America did today.

Were you popular in school? I mean in high school I was kinda on the radar, but I still liked staying at the sides and let my more popular friends take the spotlight. Besides, I was already linked with Gabie and I didn’t want teachers and staff to be on our asses. 

What is your favorite place that you have ever visited? Locally, Sagada. Outside of the country, probably Shanghai.

What places do you want to travel to before you get too old? Ideally I’d want to travel to as many countries as I can, to be honest. Doesn’t matter where. But if I can only afford to do so a handful of times, I’d spend that money on Morocco, India, Thailand, Egypt, South Korea, Iceland, Peru, and Spain (and then maybe go on a European road trip from there).

What is the perfect work schedule that you would love? I’m happy with my current 9-6 shift.

What was the best party that you have ever been to? Rita’s sister’s org’s Halloween party from last year.

Did school come easy for you or was it hard? High school was easy, but I purposely didn’t put much effort into it. I didn’t see the point, considering a) teachers have their established favorite students early on and I knew I wasn’t one of them and no matter how well I did I knew I wasn’t going to get recognized, and b) workplaces could not care less about your high school record. College was also easy, and I found balancing my academics, org life, and social life to be fun and fulfilling.

What language do you enjoy listening to? English or Filipino.

Would you take the time to learn a new language? Sure. I’ve done that with Spanish and Korean before.

If you had a personal assistant, what would you have them do? Make them do the phone calls whenever I would have to at work.

Who is the funniest person that you know? I have several people in mind, honestly - Andi, Kate, Jum, Aya, JM, Hans.

Who is the worst pain in the ass that you know? My mom. Sometimes Cooper.

Whose life do you look to as a “model” of what you would like yours to ultimately look like? Anna, one of the moms from the Korean reality show I watch. Her amazing attitude towards life, her parenting skills, cooking skills, aesthetic, and overall life is all I want.

How much money do you save from your paycheck? I have no idea how to budget yet. AAAHHHHHHHHH

Which is a stronger emotion, fear or joy? I think both can be felt strongly.

What types of people do you follow on social media? Athletes, Influencers? Mostly irl people. The only famous people I follow are AJ Mendez (though she’ll always be AJ Lee to me) and Hayley, like I said. OH WAIT I also follow the entire GMM crew! Idk why I missed that.

Would you ever like to work remotely and travel? That’d be nice, sure.

When were you the poorest that you have ever been? Quarantine.

[spotsspeciall]

Tulips little sister

There is not enough Cassidy fanfic out there so I had to write one!

This is my first ever fanfic! I hope you like it!

Pairing: Proinsias Cassidy x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2,530

Warnings: Swearing.

Summary: (Season one)

Y/N O’Hare is Tulips little sister and is working at the bar at Toadvine, the whorehouse. Y/N is seen as the innocent and “weak” little sister, and Tulip is very protective of her. Y/N meets Cassidy while at Toadvine.

Authors note: English is not my first language so sorry if there is any mistakes! I also wanted “Y/N” to be as vague as possible, so she could look like what you want, but I just had to give her freckles! Sorrynotsorry. But I hope you enjoy either way!

It’s a normal workday at Toadvine, the whorehouse, and the usual guys from Q.M&P were there to gamble, drink and sleep with whores.

You spent most of your time refilling drinks to the gamblers, so doing your normal routine you walked up the stairs into the room where the gambling table stood, you heard a couple of “hey Y/N” from the usual guys, and Tulip who sat there gambling most nights. You put on your usual innocent smile and asked if anyone wanted anything to drink, and everyone ordered their usual drinks.

You thought everyone had ordered what they wanted until you looked around the room and saw a ruff, skinny man you had never seen before, actually, he was incredibly hot, you even felt the blood rush up your neck to your ears and cheeks.

You tried to hide the redness in your cheeks while you asked him “do you want anything to drink mister?” he answered, “I could use a glass of whiskey, lass” while he was talking you almost choked on your own spit. It was the most beautiful accent you had ever heard.

You didn’t notice you were staring until you heard Tulip speak up from the other side of the table. “Hey! Keep your eyes to yourself and stop staring at my little sister like that” you snapped out of your trance and turned your head to look at Tulip, if looks could kill, the Irishman would be brutally murdered by now. You turned to look at him when he said “Come on now! How could I keep me eyes to meself when she looks that beautiful” he looked up at you when he called you beautiful, and you could swear to God that your cheeks were burning up and you looked as red as a tomato.

But you knew you had to say something or else he would definitely be killed by Tulip any second. So you tried not to focus on the Irishman and turned to look at an angry Tulip, you knew she was very protective of you, so you tried  to calm her down by saying “Tulip, it’s okay, he was just fliting a little” she turned to look at you, and you could tell see was fired up.

“Yeah he was flirting with my little sister! He just wants to fuck you cause he thinks you’re a whore Y/N!” Now you were fired up. You couldn’t believe what she just said, you have had enough, and you raised your voice “I can’t fucking believe you Tulip! You’re calling me a whore? Jesus, I am a grown woman and I can take care of myself!” she opened her mouth to say something, but you cut her off and figured it was easiest to move on and not fight with Tulip now “well I’ll get ya’ll drinks, and you wanted whiskey right?” you asked the Irishman.

You could see he was a little stunned by you and Tulips outbursts, but his look softened and answered a simple yes, you offered a simple smile and turned around and walked out the door.

You were so focused while pouring the drinks that you didn’t notice that the Irishman had come down to the bar and introduced himself. “Cassidy” he said, you jumped and turned around.

He realized he scared you “Sorry lass, didn’t mean to scare ya, me name is Cassidy”, “Oh it’s okay, my name is Y/N. Sorry ‘bout me and Tulip earlier, she thinks I’m still a kid and can’t take care of myself” now he had a smirk on his face and answered “no problem Y/N, you looked cute while you were mad anyway” now it was your turn to smile and feel like your face and insides was on fire.

You looked down at your hands and muttered a small thanks, then you found a small glass and filled it halfway with whiskey and handed it to him. “here is that whisky by the way” he took the glass and held it high while toasting “thanks love” you just tried to keep yourself under check while smiling back.

He downed the whole glass and slammed it down on the bar while wiping his mouth, you just kept staring at him until you got interrupted by one of the guys upstairs screaming “Where are the drinks Y/N!?” You snapped out of it and smiled at Cassidy while finishing up the drinks.

You and Cassidy returned to the gambling table together and he went and sat down while you handed out the drinks, you could see Tulip was mad, but at least she kept her mouth shut you thought. The last glass you put on the table was for Clive, that gross asshole of a man.

And of course, he just had to creep his hand up and cup your ass while you bent over to put the glass on the table. Tulip had seen the whole exchange and was ready to cut off his hand, and Cassidy was ready for some beating.

But before either of them had even stood up, you had already slapped his hand away and you had knocked your fist right in his nose “don’t you ever touch me” venom was laced in your voice, and Tulip had never seen this side of you, she was sure you weren’t capable of hitting someone in the face, you surprised her.

But as quick as your voice was laced with venom, it was gone the next second when you turned to the rest of the people around the table and said “just call me if you need more to drink, I’ll be at the bar” then you had that same old innocent smile on your face and headed out, down to the bar.

Cassidy was speechless and even a little bit turned on, he didn’t even hesitate and followed you down to the bar. You didn’t even notice that Cassidy had followed you to the bar because your fist was hurting like hell.

While looking at your knuckles you heard that Irish accent coming from behind you say, “you never punched someone before, have ya?” you chuckled and turned around “no I haven’t, didn’t know it would hurt this much” he offered a kind smile and said “ let’s get some ice for that hand yeah?” you nodded and smiled while you followed him to the back.

You guided him to where the freezer was in the back of the room, and he opened it and searched for something to cool your fist. Eventually he pulled up a frozen bag of vegetables and held it out for your hand.

When you took it from him and put it on your fist, you thanked him, he just nodded and smiled. There were a few seconds of silence, but it was a comfortable silence. You were both lost in each other’s eyes, until Mosie, the owner of Toadvine came through the door.

She was a sweet woman, always kind to you. She looked at the both of you and said “Y/N, you should get back to the bar, there are costumers” “Sorry! I’ll be right there!”. You looked at Cassidy and gave him a sad smile “Sorry! I really need to get back to work”.

He smiled back and said “Of course, I should get back to the game” he nodded his head towards the gambling room and chuckled. He started to walk out, and you said “see you ‘round” he winked and said “yeah, see you ‘round” then he was out the door.

You got back to work, it wasn’t that busy, but you liked it. When you had nothing to do, Cassidy kept drifting into your mind, and you could feel yourself smiling each time you thought about him.

He did the same, while playing poker he kept thinking about you, but the longer he did, the sadder he became. He thought he wasn’t good for you, you deserved better. Even if you liked him back, he would lose you, lose you to time or worse. He thought it was best to just let you be, you were still young, and you had your whole life ahead of you, and he was a 119-year-old vampire. So, he decided to just let you be.

So, when Cass got the offer to spend the night with a decent looking woman, he said yes. He could have average sex while thinking of you, he thought that at least was good enough. But he did not expect to get beaten and fall out the window.

You were putting some glasses on the shelves when you suddenly heard that there were lots of people in the “living room”, you slowly made your way to the crowd and listened to what was being said for the back of the crowd.

Of course, it was Tulip fighting with Clive, you listened to the whole fight, but when they were done you just shook your head in disappointment and made your way back to the bar. You didn’t really pay any more attention to your surroundings while you started cleaning the bar.

You got startled when you suddenly heard a window break and then a bang. Without thinking you sprinted up the stairs to see what had happened. You shoved Clive and that woman out of the way to see Tulip standing by the broken window.

You asked her what happened, she just answered “I-I thought it was Clive”. You didn’t understand what she meant so you went over to the window to see what she was talking about. That’s when you saw a man lying face down on the car with glass around him. You couldn’t see who it was at first until you realized it was Cassidy.

You turned to Tulip and said, “we need to take him to a hospital right now!” Tulip didn’t say anything, she just ran downstairs and helped you get Cassidy into her car. She drove to the hospital while you had Cassidy’s head in your lap in the backseat.

While Tulip was driving, you were panicking in the backseat. Cassidy had a huge glass piece lodged in his throat. You kept saying please, please don’t die. It seemed like he was drifting in and out of consciousness and you kept trying to keep him alive. Tulip was also panicking.

While trying to keep Cassidy from losing consciousness you heard her pray to “God”. You knew that she didn’t exactly believe in God, but she asked him to keep Cassidy alive, and if he did, she would be good.

You kept trying to stop the bleeding from his throat while you were freaking out and repeatedly saying “please make it” and “please don’t die”. From your lap Cassidy could see you were freaking out and couldn’t control your breathing. He actually thought you were cute while worrying about him.

You looked down at him again and you caught Cassidy looking up at you with a lazy and crooked smile. Without realizing you were smiling too.

At that moment it was as if everything was in slow motion for Cassidy, maybe it could be the blood loss? Either way, he was looking at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and he had already lived for 119 years. You looked so beautiful while the wind was blowing through some of the hair that was loose from your ponytail, you even had some blood on your face and neck, and your t-shirt was covered in his blood, but you looked breathtaking.

From the streetlights he could really see your features, your beautiful eyes that were looking right at him, he could easily get lost in them, he already had once. Your cute nose, and the way it was covered in small freckles. And, of course, your lips. Wow, he really craved those lips. He could kiss them all day long.

So, when Cassidy was looking at your lips, he couldn’t help himself when the words “kiss me” came out of his mouth. You thought that you heard him wrong, he looked you in the eyes again, and you softly muttered a “what”. He couldn’t help himself again when he repeted himself and said, “kiss me”.

When he said those two words, you crashed your lips to his. It was wonderful, euphoric even. It was like a new high for Cassidy, a drug he had never had before. Cass was out of his mind while you kissed him. He had kissed a lot of women in his time, but not like this. You felt like your lips fit like two puzzle pieces, they were meant for each other (you were meant for each other?)

The kiss felt like an eternity, but you had to stop so you could both catch your breath. When you opened your eyes again, Cassidy was looking up at you like an adorable puppy, you had such a grin on your face that you had to try to stop it by pulling you bottom lip between your teeth.

Without realizing, you were now at the hospital. You didn’t know it Tulip had seen what happened, or even heard it, but right now you couldn’t care less. She helped you getting Cassidy out of the car and into the hospital.

You and Tulip both sat him down in a chair and went to talk to the lady in the window. She tried to hand you a form to sign, and you and Tulip both said at the same time “are you crazy?!” Tulip started to explain that he needed to see a doctor now or else he would die. That’s when she asked “who”. You both turned around to look at Cassidy when you saw that he no longer sat in the chair, you couldn’t see him anywhere.

But you could see his blood trail, you and Tulip just looked at each other, then started to follow the blood trail. When you both got to the end of the trail, you were at a door. Tulip was the one to push the door open, and that’s when you saw him.

Cassidy was covered in even more blood than before and was sucking blood out of a blood-bag like it was a nice refreshing drink. You just stood there looking puzzled while Cassidy said “you were right love, I think I’m gonna make it”

- I think i’ll right a part 2 if people like this one!<3 

- Also if you want, you can of course give me feedback if i should improve something or do something different!

[sian22redux]

A Puppy in the Family

So yes fellow crazy baseball fans, I know you’ve been watching closely--have guessed that my Cleveland’s loss to Boston means @theycallmebecca gets a fic. This time I didn’t need to ask for a prompt--I know what she would like:  a sequel to He Followed Me Home.  

So here it is.. more adventures of Fenway and Dodger and Chris and Y/N..this time from a slightly different point of view. Grin. Hope you enjoy.  This is part 1 of 2.. no warnings--just tooth rotting fluff.  Shout out to Twitter’s Thoughts of Dog for inspiration.

----------------------------------------------

March 2020

 Today is a wonderful day.  

 All days are, of course-- even the ones that are wet and drizzly, forcing us to sit patiently inside watching the raindrops race down the windowpane.  But today is a particularly extra super specially wonderful day.  

Because Chris is coming home.  

Our ‘dad’, our protector, chief Frisbee tosser and best roughhouser is finally coming back.  That thing that happens in hoomans’ ‘wurk’ had come round again.  A ‘script’ arrived.   I do not know how this pile of wonderfully new smelling paper can magic Chris away, but it does.  Almost every time it arrives.  After the pats and hugs and snuffles Y/N will pour a glass of wine and mope, snuggle with us on the big white couch, marking little x’s on the calender (that evil thing with V-E-T scrawled across it) and then she will go about our usual day routine: breakfast kibble and a quick walk on Lorel drive, her leaving us to go to ‘wurk’, long snoozles for Dodger and I, then staring at the door til my eyes go wobbly; more snoozles after we play fight a bit and then finally she is back!  

Y/N is home!  Dinner kibble comes and then pats and play time and then bed.  

This has happened for three lines of x’s before this wondrous day arrived.  

Y/N is so excited.  She has primped us both.  Brushed me til my coat shone glossy black, trimmed Dodger’s nails and brushed the dust out of his fur, even sort of brushed the house.  She wiped and tidied and walked around with the noisy ‘coom so we knew it was important.

(Dodger doesn’t like it—he hates the loud whoosing noise-- but I stood and waved my tail because she said “Good boy” and “Chris is coming home” and I don’t want to look less than my best.)    

We wait while Y/N primps herself (her dress and shiny lips are nice) and then it happens.

We hear a big engine car and the door whines open and he is there!  Chris! Chris!  I am so happy I can’t help but bark and not mind that Dodger is always faster than I am.  He leaps up to put his paws on Chris’s chest, barking “Hi, Hi, Hi,” leaping like a kangaroo, and Chris is answering ‘Hey there dude,” and laughing at the licks and I am very careful not to knock them over and so proud when I get the big strong pats.  

“Good boy, Fenway.  Good boy. Missed you too. big guy!”

Chris sees me! I wiggle my whole body in ecstasy until it knocks over the umbrella stand and his suitcase.  Oopsie.  sometimes I forget that I am BIG.  

Then it is Y/N’s turn.  She gets kisses and duper hugs..the ones that lift you right off the ground because our Chris is super strong and super excited to be back with his partner once again.  

There’s a bit more of greet time for us and then it’s greet time for them, though as welcome rituals go it’s kind of odd.  There is no sniffing of tushies, or zooming around for play or licking muzzles but there is lots and lots of talking and kissing and talking and kissing and sprawling on the giant couch and glasses of wine on the low wood caw-fee table that I have to be extra careful to not bump over.

“Fenway, pal..watch out!”  

Oops—sorry.  I was only showing off my new squeaky hotdog.  

Dodger and I sit at their feet and send happy thoughts their way and eventually Chris stands up, and carries Y/N into the bedroom and I start to rise but Chris says ‘Stay.”

Whine.  

I want to be with them too.  

<No you don’t,> says Dodger, flopped over on his side and heaving a contented sigh.

<Why not?>

<They’re doing it again.>

<Doing what?>

<Mating.  They’ll be there a while.>

Oh.  Right. Dodger has explained this.  Hoomans, unlike dogs, do not usually joyously couple underneath the sun. They’re shy.  And slow.  They take ages with it and honestly sometimes I worry that it must not work because they do it all the time.  

Sometimes Chris and Y/N aren’t that shy and do it where we are.  On the couch. In the kitchen. In the swimming pool.  Dodger takes this time to snoozle more but I usually just lie there and thump my tail to be encouraging.

It must be tiring for Y/N to be in heat so much.

<You’re not a bitch.  What would you know about that?>  Dodger chuckles at me, tongue lolling and pale eyebrow raised.  

I frown, puzzling it through.  < Jenna the Bichon at the park said so.  And I think it is right because sometimes they sleep right after.>

<Good point.>  Dodger lazily scratches at his chin. <And Y/N doesn’t run around as much as Chris.  She must be tuckered all the time. 

I stare at the blond wood of the latched and bolted door (it’s firm, I checked), alert to intruders or harm but nothing seems amiss. A few high-pitched giddy squeals come from the bedroom but Dodger just rolls over and goes to sleep.

<They’re fine, Fenway.  Get some sleep yourself.>

I do, and dream of pats and empty laps and ice cream cones.

----------------------------------------  

<Gooob morning!!> I bark to Chris and Y/N the next day when they drag themselves blearily out into the super toasty sun streaming through the windows.  

Dodger as usual is silent but stretching ready for a race.  Me--my toes are a tippy tappin’ and  I am jumping, so excited to see them there, so unable to contain all the love the world inside one BIG but furry body.   All I can do is bark <I love you.>  again and again and again, while sending all the happy thoughts.  

“Hey, hey.. hold up Fenway.”  Chris opens the backyard door.  I bounce outside.  The air is clean (no fires) and the sun is warm and Chris is back! Oh happy day! I snap at a yellow moth and almost catch it; mark my tree after Dodger goes on his, and trot around the yard, sniffing all the whiffling smells—grass and pool water and leafy moldy goodness.

Y/N comes outside with sleep shirt on and two cups of coffee.  Chris tosses Dodger’s new red ball far as the fire corner  <Goob morning> I bark again hoping the ball will come to me.  Yes!! Chris notices!!  I Proudly Catch it and trot over and drop it at his feet.  Y/N comes back out with a little pot of honey, a jug of coffee cream and two cross-haunts.  Mmmmmmm. Flaky buttery goodness.  I want really bad but I am trying to be extra good, so I make myself join the chase.

We fly back and forth and back and forth until Chris says “Enough!”  and so I stretch out on the cool patio, lay my head on Y/N’s bare feet to keep them warm. This gets a tummy scritch (my mastery plan has worked) and so Dodger noses in, leans against Chris’s legs. <Pat me, please> he yips, twice, then Chris laughs and calls him jealous—scritching him perfectly behind the ears.

Chris’s big strong hands are good at scritching.

For a little while we all snoozle just there in a heap (Chris is ‘still jet-laggy’ says Y/N) but when I open one eye there is more kissing going on.  

<Dodger, do you notice it?>  I whisper quietly.

<Notice what?>

<She smells different.>

Dodger, more experienced with the world than I—he is a whole year older--turns over on his back, ear drooping crookedly, looking up to the ‘ounge chair and taking an experimental sniff.  “Nope. What does it smell like?”

I do a deep long sniff, just like when we ride in the car with the windows down and I am eating the wind. “Happy.  New kind of.  Sugary good.”

He turns toward Y/N and tries again, holding longer on the in.  <Oh,> he yips. <She’s expecting   Good nose Fenway.>

Expecting?  As in PUPPIES?!  I sit right up in shock.  <You can smell it?!>

<Of course,” says Dodger, rolling over to keep his patch of sun.  <It’s like when Suki  smelled Mrs. Wilson’s cancer.>

 Oh.   Suki is a very pretty Maltese who lives just up the street.  She knew her mom was sick and was very sad and brave before she was happy again because Mrs. Wilson is ok.

I think it was all the helping hugs that Suki gave.

I give another whiff, luxuriating in the Happy and then the kissing stops.  Chris pulls Y/N up---says the magic words ‘More BREAKFAST’ and so I leap--follow them inside- sniffing carefully toward Y/N’s back.  Happy definitely.  New and Sweet and Rainbow Magic Sprinkles.  

I excitedly wag my tail and bump her leg but she laughs, puts her hands on her hips and misunderstands.  “Fenway you are not getting another breakfast.”

<No> I bark, <Expecting!!>

I jump in my excitement, tapping my feets but she just laughs and reaches for more cross-haunts and jam (Jam!!!).  I have to be extra good behaviour and not jump up to steal. Sometimes I can’t help myself—I am technically still a puppy too: Dodger says its no big deal so long as I am mostly good.

Speaking of Good, I inch close to her chair and take another sniff, resting my snout in her lap.   Still Happy. Still New.  This is good, very good, and so I burrow deeper, thumping my tail on the floor, super happy for them both.  

“Fenway, I can’t eat with you there.”

I put a paw upon Y/N’s leg, trying to get closer to that wondrous smell!  HAPPY!   She holds her pastry high, laughing as I take another whiff, but then I’m taking too much room, too excited to remember I am BIG.   

“Fenway? What is up with you?  Go sit!”  

I don’t listen.   I am too happy (and inches from the Jam!).  I miss Dodger’s warning bark and then Chris is there, frowning down, shoving my nose away and in the hard voice he says.  “Fenway, No!! Bed!”

I have a sad.  I follow his finger to my bed and flop down on cushy foam, tucking my tail as far under as it can go.  Sorry dad. Sorry.    

Dodger comes and waits patiently until I am released.  

<I don’t think they understand,> I sigh mournfully.

<No,> says Dodger, <but they will when she changes shape.  Be patient.>

Patient!?  That is the hardest thing of all.  I sigh and watch them eat.  There is talking of parks and parties and ‘pearances, all the usual breakfast stuff.  Tick tick tick.  Finally a walk is called and I am on my best behaviour; carrying along my leash because outside is larger than you think and I don’t want them to get lost.

<Y/N is expecting puppies!>  I bark excitedly to Chris (who still doesn’t seem to hear) as we turn right at the gate.   This takes us to the Bermans.  Their little hoomans are my frens—they like to play with rainbow spheres and mark the road with chalk and give me water out of the green garden snake.  Dodgers trots at full speed and I waddle on behind,  past the scary blue mailbox (are there cats lurking there?), past the red STOP sign to the Kindle’s yard.

Oh boy.  My little brain is whirly with anxiety.  First I think hooman puppies would be good but now I wonder if they will be like Mrs. Kindle’s.  Running and shrieking and pulling tails.  Trying to jump on my back.  Yikes.

<Will the puppies be good?>  I yip to Dodger when I catch him up.  

He cocks his head and Thinks. <Puppy. Hoomans mostly only have just one. It will be busy and smelly at first but eventually it will be like being in ‘Chussets. 

My ears perk up.  ‘Chussets.  <Really?>  

I have been three times.  The plane ride is kinda scary but there are miles of trees and a giant green.  An extra Lion for Dodger and squeaky hotdog for me.  Chasing ball with cousins and extra special Pats from MomLisa.  She’s the alpha alpha female.  

Very fair and kind.  

(She didn’t even scold my excited piddling when Chris and Y/N came back from their ‘moon trip.)

<Not the moon Fenway, honeymoon,> grins Dodger, <The party after The Wedding.> 

Ah The Wedding.  I was so proud.  Y/N and her friends got cleaned and dressed and buffed all sparkly. Chris got nervous but then sleek and clean.  Even Dodger and I had a groomer come.  The feathers on my tail were so very shiny. Carly looked pretty and Shanna too.  Ethan was super proud to walk between us and hold the fancy leashes.

I was very, very good.  

I walked between all the smiley happy people remembering to not steal, not jumping up because it startles them when I put my paws upon their shoulders.  Once, in the long, boring talking part, Chris cried a little and I stood up to go rescue him but Dodger woofed <stay> and explained it all.

<Hoomans sometimes cry from happiness.>  

They do?   I think this is weird but then I think it must be like when I piddle joyously.  They can’t help it--it just leaks out.

There was music and people and Snacks.  So many, many Snacks.  Our Secret Mission worked. Dodger and I convinced nearly every single guest that we had not eaten in several weeks.

(I didn’t like the salmon.  I barfed it into a handy pot.)

Even if Chris and Y/N didn’t have a lot of time for us so many others did. Ardeejjj, Chris’s good good fren knows exactly where to scritch; Miles and Stella and Ethan chased us through the chairs and out onto the lawns.  Tara took me for a needed walk (I can only cross my legs so long).  It was perfect.

On the ‘moon afterward we stayed in ‘Chussets for 4 rows of x’s.  So long, soooo long,  but we were at Carly’s house and it was super fun as always.  Miles and Stella and Ethan made sure we weren’t too sad.  Played tag and toss and chase until I had to flop down in the sun and bake.  

(My coat shines more if I am careful to bask enough.)

I guess a new people puppy in the family will be fun but still I worry.  Y/N’s smell gets stronger and stronger but strangely they still don’t understand.  It’s xasperating.   I have a huge snootful of Happy-New and I worry if I will be good enough.  

Will the puppy like me?  Will I knock them over even when I am duper careful?  

<Relax.> says Dodger and I am sure he’s right (year older!) but this morning I feel so angsty I steal a yogurt lid from the trash.  Chris doesn’t quite understand and so I have no choice but to evade him spectacularly.  

It works.  When we are done both of us are smiling.

------------------------

Tagging: @nomadicpixel @arizonapoppy @heather-lynn @pegasusdragontiger

if you want to be added just message me.....

[likethetailofacomet]

On Location

A/ N: So. this is a thing that happened. I...I don’t really even know. Well, that’s not true. I do know. It happened like this. Yesterday I posted a list of ten words that had to do with my most recent WIP and @ooo-barff-ooo Chaos Queen that she is, decided to take all ten words and come up with scenarios about each one. OBVIOUSLY I have to do at least 5 of them now. This was one. And then it snowballed. Literally? It did snow today so... ? 

Pairing: Seth x Emma, Emma x Ben (F R I E N D S) yeah I went there, ya’ll. I DO NOT KNOW.

Warning: Just hang in there. and some light Ns*w. and i think this might quench a few thirsts for things like crinkled eyes and scrunchy faces, so I’m counting it for Thirsty Thursday. YOU CAN’T STOP ME. 

Word Count: 2813

OKAY I WARNED YOU. 

New York City was in the middle of a deep freeze when Emma was fortunate enough to be there on location for her latest project. She was no stranger to cold, growing up in the mid-west, but the last few years of living in L.A. had warmed her blood enough to make her miss the temperate climate that she’d grown accustomed to, and she found herself shivering on set on more than one occasion, causing teasing laughter and good natured jokes from her co-star.

“Someone get Emma some cocoa, quick, before she turns into an ice pop!” Ben would laugh and crinkle his eyes in that way that made all his fans swoon but just made Emma swat at his arm with the back of her wrist.

“Can it, Barnes,” she’d say, “I can’t convincingly stalk and murder you if my fingers are shivering too much to hold the guns, can I?”

 He’d laugh more and shake his head. “No, see, because you’re a West Coast softie, not a fortified Brit like myself,” he gestured proudly at himself but she could see the sarcasm in his eyes.

“Yeah, okay, enough of the tough guy routine. You’re not in character and you’re not fooling me, I saw you shivering earlier Mr. Fortified.” She rolled her eyes and he laughed again.

“Okay, yeah, you got me, its freezing.” He finally admitted through a smile, hugging his arms across his chest and rubbing his own biceps. I just like teasing you.” He’d returned her playful smack with a big-brotherly shove.    

 They had to cancel the shoot today, again, due to subzero wind chills, and she was grateful as the scheduled scenes all had outdoor settings, and while she was incredibly excited to be on this film, it wasn’t worth the frostbite. It was an action thriller- something new for her- and she was checking a major dream role off of her bucket list getting to play a villain. Hours in hair and makeup to get all the scars and burns right for the fight scenes, incredible costume changes from sequined ball gowns and masquerade masks to tall black leather boots equipped with gun holsters and even designer lingerie for the…adult scenes. It was her first big budget film, and she was loving every minute of it.

Emma got the text from the P.A. that they had another day off, and she sighed, snuggling back into the fluffy whiter -than- white hotel blankets. As much as she was enjoying her time in New York; enjoying working on a film that was stretching her resume and her abilities, enjoying working with an incredible director and incredible co-stars, enjoying the easy friendship she was forming with Ben and the other cast members, she missed Seth. She missed his arms around her and his warm breath on her neck and the laughter that he easily pulled from her on even the toughest, longest, and most draining of days. She missed his snores and the way he talks in his sleep. She missed his burnt French toast. She even missed his absence. At home they would sometimes be separated for work for weeks at a time, but at least she’d be surrounded by his things; his shoes, one on the she rack and one on the floor, his spare keys, “lost” in the kitchen junk drawer, his sweatshirt that had been thrown on the chair in the corner of the living room for five days. She just missed him. As if on cue, she received a text picture of his goofy grin, the lighting dim and his eyes just barely opened. It was 4:30 am in California and she was sure that he was closer to falling asleep than waking up, but he made sure to text her when he knew she’d be waking up. Good morning, Iowa. Give it Hell today xxx Good Lord do I love this man or what? She thought to herself as a goofy grin of her own appeared.

Mornin’ sunshine (or goodnight?) Not shooting today, too cold. Brr. Wish you were here, love you ooo She dropped the phone on the bed and headed to the shower to get her day started. No filming didn’t mean no work. She knew Seth would fall back asleep, or maybe just fall asleep in the first place- he’d been hitting the comedy club circuit again as a way to keep his material fresh in between projects, and that meant very, very, very late nights. When she got out of the shower and checked her phone, she was right- no more messages from Seth. She smiled, imagining him sleeping, wishing she was there raking her fingers through his dark blonde curls.

She made herself a cup of coffee and was just about to sit down to go over the script and the schedule for the rest of their time in New York, when her phone buzzed again. Guess he is awake, she thought, absently entering her passcode to open her phone. She expected another goofy photo, and she got one. But not from Seth.

She nearly spit her coffee onto those fluffy white blankets she loved so much as she opened the text. It was Ben, gritting his teeth against the cold, hat pulled so low all you could see were his eyes, and scarf wrapped so thickly his chin had disappeared into it. He was standing outside in ankle deep snow as if to prove a point. You win, Em, it’s cold. No shoot today, drinks and script review?  

She quickly typed back a reply. Sure thing, how’s noon? Get inside! What are you doing you weirdo?! She shook her head and laughed, thinking about how she’d love to get Ben and Seth together because the goofiness would simply be off the charts. When noon rolled around Emma grabbed her script and checked her hair in the mirror on her way down to the lobby bar where they had decided to meet. She found him already at the bar, one long leg bent, his foot tapping against the footrest on the bar’s underside as he chatted amicably with the bartender who was clearly trying to pretend that she wasn’t completely starstruck by him. Emma caught him doing the eye crinkle thing again and though she hadn’t known him long, she knew him long enough to know that the eye crinkle thing was only a result of genuine smiles. Maybe he was a little struck by that bartender, too. Yes! Fuel for the teasing fire! She made her way over to the bar and pulled out the stool next to his. “Hey, Ben, I see you’ve warmed up.” She smiled as he passed her one of the two drinks that were in front of him. Whiskey, neat. Not her usual cup of tea, but then again Pinot Gris wasn’t the most bracing of beverages for the wintertime. “Thanks,” she knocked her elbow into his and they clinked their glasses together each taking a sip.

“Oh my god, it’s you! Emma Nailor! You’re like, my favorite actress, like, oh my god!” the bartender’s jaw dropped as she looked from Ben to Emma. “Tender Nothings is seriously my favorite movie! Oh man, are you two working together on something?” she looked from Emma to Ben expectantly.

Ben chuckled. “Yeah. Sweet innocent Emma here is playing the bad guy and she’s been kicking my butt all over the city.” He took a swig of his drink and narrowed his dark brown eyes over the rim of his glass.

“Bad. Ass.” The bartender gave Emma an approving look. “Hey, I know this is so super lame of me, but can I have a picture with you guys?”

“Not lame at all, here, give me your phone.” Ben took her phone and stretched his arm out in front of him to take a selfie style picture with Emma and the bartender. The young girl smiled brightly with her lips and teeth and cheeks and eyes, a look of joyful disbelief on her face. Emma leaned in and gave a relaxed, effortless smile. But Ben went and did what Ben does- he pulled a goofy face right when he pressed the button and Emma burst out laughing when she saw it.

“Send that to me,” she snorted as he handed the bartender her phone back and she proceeded to pour them another round on the house. He sent her the photo and she forwarded it to Seth. Hard day’s work over here, lemme tell ya! ooo

The bartender, whose name they learned was Lexi, had left them to their work, glancing over every now and then, still in disbelief over meeting two of her favorite movie stars. After an hour or so of running lines and trying different approaches and bouncing ideas off of one another, Emma's phone buzzed against the bar top. “Do you need to get that?” He asked her, motioning to the phone with his glass before bringing it to his lips to finish it off.

“Yeah, let me just,” she grabbed her phone and opened it, a smile already on her face, fully aware of what she'd done. Her smile grew into a full on grin and then a laugh as she opened his text. EMMA ALEXANDRIA NAILOR SOON-TO-BE-LEVINE! IS THAT? ARE YOU? REALLY? I mean I know you're co-starring but like are you friends now because that's like...i mean...oh boy is this? Yup. I'm jealous. Of you, not him. Sorry, love you. *little guy shrug emoji* She closed her eyes and let out a genuine guffaw, slapping her knee and setting her phone down momentarily.

Ben nearly choked on the whiskey that was still in his throat at her reaction to whatever text she'd just received. He placed his empty glass on the bar and coughed, lips scrunched to the left, that cheek lifted up into his eye. “Okay, what's so funny?” he asked, leaning his elbow on the bar.

Emma downed the last of her drink. “Well, I told you my fiance is a comedian, right?”

“Yeah, Seth...” he snapped his fingers and squinted trying to recall Seth's last name. “Seth Levine!” his eyes brightened as he smacked the bar. “Yeah. Seth. I googled him, saw his sets. He's really funny. And he writes screenplays, too, doesn't he?”

Emma nodded, smirking. “Yeah that's the guy. Well, turns out, he's a big fan of yours and he's jealous.”

Ben immediately sat back, putting lots of space between them and holding his hands out in front of him, fingers splayed like he was under arrest. Emma burst into laughter again, reaching towards him and tapping him lightly on the knee. “Relax, Barnes,” she shook her head. “He's jealous of me not you. He's just a big fan. Everyone gets star struck by someone, you know? You two would actually get along really well.” She pointed at him almost accusingly. He ordered them one more round as she responded to Seth's text and the snow began to slow to a stop outside the window. Sure is, Levine. Jealous, huh? Maybe I should be jealous? *pouty face emoji*

She hadn't put the phone down before it was buzzing again. Nope. No need. BE RIGHT THERE. She laughed and sent him a video of her blowing him a kiss...with Ben photo-bombing her in the background, of course. The two of them finished their drinks and he walked her back to her room, thanking her for killing time and running lines and hanging out. It was fun, and easy, being friends, and she was thankful yet again for getting to work on this project. She headed inside and sank into the bed, flicking the television on. It was 4pm and there was nothing to do and it was too cold to go out and she missed Seth. She missed his hands on her skin and his lips on her mouth and his chest pressed to hers. She was a little...no let's face it, Emma, she was buzzed. And horny. And she missed Seth. She fell asleep dreaming of him. Of his teeth grazing her inner thighs, of his tongue tracing along her core, of his fingers gripping her ass. She dreamed of his body and his heat and the way he made her feel like she was the only woman in the world, like she was Iowa, not Emma Nailor, like she was his.

She woke up to a loud knock on the door, shocked that she'd fallen asleep in the first place. The clock read 8:45pm. Wonderful sleeping habits I've got. She stood from the bed and the room spun just a bit as her eyes widened and she caught her balance on the bedside table. Woah. Drinking with Ben is a doozy. Duly noted. She righted herself and blinked a few times as the knocking on the door turned to a familiar pattern. “Seth?” she muttered out loud as the pattern repeated and she jumped, her bare feet springing from the carpeted floor in pure, unadulterated excitement. “Seth!” she ran to the door, her smile growing into her eyes as she ripped it open and there he was. He grabbed her around the waist with one arm, closing the door with the other, and fused his lips to hers. He walked her back into the room as she gave in to the kiss, sighing against his lips and feeling light bursting from her chest. His tongue delved into her mouth as his fingers gripped her side, and she responded, finally, grabbing a fistful of his hair with one hand and pressing the other flat against his broad back. When they parted they were both panting and grinning and laughing.

“Hey, Iowa,” he whispered, eyes twinkling as he laid another quick kiss to her lips.

“Hey yourself, Seth,” she said, kissing him back. “I missed you. I missed you so much! I can't believe you got on a plane just like that! And in this weather!”

He chuckled. “Well,” he kissed her deeply again, drawing another sigh. “I had to show you that you had nothing to be jealous about.” He scooped her up and threw her onto the bed.

“I like where this is headed,” she smiled at him and he smiled back at her knowingly, thanking his lucky stars for giving him this incredible, wonderful, fun-loving, smart, sexy, funny, compassionate, genuine woman to love.

Twenty minutes later, the fort was built, using all the available pillows, sheets and blankets. They'd even used a few of the hand towels. They had both secretly always wanted to build a giant pillow fort in a hotel room-those big white fluffy blankets are just begging for it, Iowa- I know, right?. And now seemed the best time- it was cold outside, they had missed one another, and they'd had an afternoon of laughs. They crawled in the tent and left their clothes behind them, warming one another with their breaths and their bodies and their love.

Seth fell asleep first, his head resting in the crook of her shoulder against her chest. They'd cleaned up and she'd put his shirt on before they crawled back in the tent to hold one another and catch up on the little things they'd missed. She scrolled though pictures on her phone showing him behind the scenes photos of her and the cast and crew; he'd filled her in on details from the last few comedy shows. Before long the travel had caught up to him and he gently dozed off, Emma left looking at the man she had promised her life to and wondering how she'd gotten so lucky. Her phone dinged an incoming FaceTime call and she had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing as she answered Ben's call.

“Shh,” she greeted him with her finger pressed to pursed lips that were just dying to smile. She panned the phone down to show Seth asleep and snoring on her shoulder. “Don't wake him up!” she half whispered, half laughed.

He squinted his eyes and covered his own mouth when he realized he was looking at two full grown adults- one of them asleep- in a pillow fort in one of Manhattan's nicer hotels. “Are we in a pillow fort right now?” he asked quietly on the verge of a laughter meltdown.

Emma nodded. “We are.”

Ben shook his head. “Wonderful. Well, I won't keep you. Just wanted to say thanks again for today. I had fun. But looks like fun follows you around, huh?”

Emma looked from the warm smiling face of her new friend to the sweet sleeping face of the man she loved. “Yeah, guess it does. G'night, Ben.”

He smiled, hoping he'd find his own pillow-fort-girl someday. “G'night, Em.”

tagging: @ooo-barff-ooo @zaffrenotes @sleepwalkingelite @brightpinkpeppercorn  I LITERALLY DO NOT KNOW OF A SINGLE OTHER PERSON WHO WOULD CARE L.O.L. but like, now Ben and Emma are friends so I guess he’s a regular? 

[lovelybones81]

Unthinkable *update 11/5*

Summary: Seven years, three movies, two people, one story. But before they can get their happily ever after, Sebastian Stan and Camille Solis must learn to trust in each other and in themselves, before allowing the unthinkable to happen.

Warnings: Fluff, future smut, Language, Angst, mental health, WOC lead character

Rating: NC-17

Again thank you for reading and commenting! It keeps me motivated! xoxo

Chapter 19

Ex-Factor

 Halloween 2010

 Studio City, CA

 Camille hummed along to the music as she ripped open the chip bag and tossed into the big plastic festive bowl in front of her.

 “Alright, I’m still stumped.” Came a familiar deep voice behind her.  

 “Stumped about what?” she asked without looking up from her task, but taking a chip into her mouth.

 “Your costume! I have no idea who you’re supposed to be.”

 Camille smiled to herself, grabbing another chip bag and dumping into the next bowl. She felt him next to her a few moments later, shoulder to shoulder. Pretending she hadn’t notice him yet, she took another bite of a chip. But burst into a fit of giggles when he began shaking his shoulders from side to side with the music, bumping purposely with hers. “I hate to break it to you white boy-but you can’t dance.” She teased with a side-eyed look.

 “You know, I would be insulted, but…sadly I know it’s the truth.” He said with a small pout.

 With a shake of her head, she snorted back her laughter at his goofiness and finally turned to face Sebastian. Her heart did a little jump when she realized that he was already looking at her with those blue orbs she had come to care and rely on. He grinned widely, before reaching for a chip himself.

 “Need help with anything?” he offered.

 “Yeah, can you grab the extra plastic cubs from the pantry?” Camille replied.

 He gave her an offended look. “I didn’t actually think you were going to make me help…” he scoffed. “I am a guest after all.”

 Camille rolled her eyes, pointing in the direction of the panty. “In there Ojos Azules.” Ignoring his whining.

 He squinted in a glare, but walked back blindly toward the pantry. Without taking his eyes off her, he pulled the door open, a slight smirk on his features. Camille’s gaze didn’t falter, instead she suppressed her laughter again. It had been almost 4 weeks since their goodbye at the airport. It almost seemed a lifetime ago to her now. After he had left, she had sat in her car for a good 15 minutes, and found herself crying again. A combination of everything that was going on and the fact that Sebastian was gone hitting her. After getting herself together, she drove to meet Liz. After that, most of the month had been a blur while she got back to her routine in LA, mostly with work.

 And even though she had been fearful of the unsureness of her relationship with Sebastian, they managed to talk and text every day. Which had eased her insecurities. Now he was back in town for a few days, making Camille happier than she was willing to admit- especially to him.

 Particularly since her birthday was only 2 days away, but were celebrating it a few days early with Sam’s. Throwing a Halloween/birthday party for both of them, since their birthdays were a few days apart. Hence the party favors/music/snacks and even costume! It had become sort of a tradition to share their birthdays and it was easier than celebrating two. Plus it gave them and their friends a chance to dress up for Halloween. And Samantha loved decorating the house all up for the holiday/birthday.

 “Seriously, who are you supposed to be?” Sebastian asked, breaking her out of her thoughts.

 “If you can’t figure it out then I’m not gonna tell you.” Camille responded with a frown. 

 “That sentence doesn’t even make sense Camille.” 

 She couldn’t help but giggle. It really hadn’t. Oh well. She grabbed another chip and shoved into her mouth. Wow. She really needed to eat if she planned on drinking for the night. She had been running around all day, helping get everything ready for tonight that she hadn’t sat down to eat. 

 “You know what does make sense?” Sebastian asked, standing next to her and handing her the cups. 

 “What’s that?” Taking them out of his hand with a grateful smile. 

 Resting both of his hands on the edge of granite countertops, he leaned his body forward, but tossed his head back, giving her a once over unhurriedly with a shake of his head in admiration. “Those spandex…”

 Camille narrowed her eyes. “What about them? And watch your words carefully Stan.” She warned, but felt her cheeks warm up. Not sure if he was teasing or complementing.

 He absently licked his bottom lip, gazing back up at her. “They’re…spandex.” He said lamely, his cheeks turning red all of a sudden, letting go of the countertop to run his fingers through his hair.

 “Uh huh.” She uttered, opening the bag with the cups.

 “I mean…” with another shake of his head, blowing air from his lips. “They fit you...perfectly...” He muttered, his eyes lingering up and down her body again, settling for a few extra seconds on her ass. “And what you have over them-.” 

 But stopped talking when Camille put her hand over his mouth. “Quit while you’re ahead.” She cautioned. Sebastian playfully glared, Camille daringly stared back. For a split second, it looked like he was just going to pull away, but her eyes widen in surprise when she felt a small sting on her palm. “Sebastian!” she squeaked, quickly pulling away.

 Tilting his head to one side, he raised an eyebrow in satisfaction. “That’s what happens when you put things in front of my mouth. I bite.” He sassed with naughty smile.

 Camille frowned, rubbing her palm with her other finger. “That hurt, you jerk.”

 Rolling his eyes, he took a step closer. “Let me see, you big bebelus.”

 “No.” she grumbled, pulling her hand behind her back.

 “Oh stop it. Here.” He said in an exasperated tone, reaching out to grab her hand. “I’ll kiss and make it all better.” He teased with a wink, assessing her palm.

 Camille glowered at him, trying her best to at least pretend to be mad at him. In reality, she was feeling a bit relieved at the moment. She had been scared that even though they had been keeping in contact every day through phone calls/text, that it would be awkward when they were back together. But so far- they had picked up right where they had left off. It felt as if no time had passed between them. If anything, their flirtatious nature had been picked up since he arrived the day before when they met up for dinner with Natalie and Samantha. Maybe it was because they hadn’t seen it each other in weeks, she wasn’t sure.

 She broke out of her thoughts when she felt him lift her hand up back to his face. “What are you doing?” she questioned.

 He blinked and repeated. “Kissing it to make it all better.”

 Swiftly, she jerked her hand away. “Nice try. I’m not letting your mouth anywhere near me-.” Yet quickly stopped herself at the realization of her words.

 “Hmm…you sure about that?” he questioned, taking another step in her direction.  

 Camille didn’t miss a beat. “Pretty sure.”

 “Hmmph.”

 “I mean you did just say that you’ll bite anything that’s put in front of your mouth.”

 “And that doesn’t sound like something you like?”

 Tilting her head to one side, Camille pretended to think about her answer, as she reached out and playfully tugged on the end of his tie, biting on her lower lip before speaking. “I never said that. I just enjoy other things that are done with a mouth…” Shrugging nonchalantly, before looking up at him through her lashes.

 His tongue slightly stuck out of the corner of his mouth, licking the top and bottom lip as carefully watching her speak. Camille pretended not to notice, and only continued to blink harmlessly at up at him.

 “Seriously?” Came another a voice a few steps away from them. “You two are ridiculous.”

 “What are you talking about?” Camille asked at the same time Sebastian blinked out of his trance, stumbling backwards at the sudden interruption. Camille only gave him a weak smile before taking a step back herself.

 “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

 “You invited him?” Sebastian scoffed, quickly recuperating from their little moment and trying his best to change the subject.

 “Yeah, because I bring the ice.”

 “And I’m so grateful!” Camille said in a sweet voice and a huge grin. “Thank you Charles!”

 Charles pretended to give her a disgusted look but asked. “Where do you want the bags Jessie?”  

 “In the freezer.”

 “Jessie?” Sebastian questioned in confusion.

 “Yeah, as in Jessie Spano.” Charles explained, placing the bags in the freezer. “From Saved by the Bell?” he stated, looking at his best friend in disappointment for not knowing who he was talking about.

 Sebastian wrinkled his forehead in concentration, obviously still unsure of what Charles was talking about. After a few more seconds, he tossed his head back and laughed. “That’s your costume?” he asked, looking back at Camille with an amused smile.

 Camille gave herself a once over, with a hand on her hip. “What? You don’t think I pull it off?” she mocked. She wore a pair of tight black spandex, with a one piece bright pink bathing suit G-string over it. She had exaggerated her curls by fluffing them late 80’s style with a big black bow on one side of her head. There was also a towel she plan on carrying around as an accessory, but she wanted to get everything ready before everyone got there.

 “Never said you didn’t darlin.”

 Giving him a flirtatious wink, she tossed the empty plastic bags into the trash can. “Natalie is dressed as Lisa and Sam is Kelly.”

 Sebastian lifted his nose up in the air before nodding in understanding. “Now those outfits make more sense…” he murmured to himself.  

 “Yup. The last few years we’ve tried to do theme costumes. Last year we were the Sanderson sister from Hocus Pocus.”

 “Ooh I would love to have seen that!” Charles piped in with a wicked smile.

 Camille beamed widely at him. “It was pretty good if I say so myself.”  

 “Which one of the Sanderson’s where you?” Sebastian asked with a light smirk.

 She sassed back. “Wouldn’t you like to know...”  

 Charles groaned. “Oookay and on that note I’m going to go get the rest of the ice out of my car.” He indicated loudly for the both of them to hear. “Because I swear to god, it physically hurts me to watch you two right now. …” trailing off with a shake of his head, leaving them alone again.

 Once he was out of sight, Sebastian snickered. “I knew that would get him to leave.”

 Camille’s jaw dropped open. “Now why would you do that?”

 “So I could give you your birthday gift.”

 Her eyes grew wide in surprise at his revelation. She hadn’t been inspecting anything from him. “You didn’t have to get me anything-.”

 Waving a hand in the air dismissively he interrupted. “I know, I know, me being here is gift enough-.” Camille rolled her eyes and gave his chest a playful slap. “Hey! You want the gift or not?” he teased, moving both hands behind his back.

 Camille shrugged pretending to disinterested. “My birthday isn’t for two more days-“

 “So you don’t want the gift?” She glowered at him. He smiled sweetly, and Camille watched as he maneuvered his left hand to the front of him, a small ocean blue box wrapped with a white ribbon in his hand.

 She felt her heart begin to race, glancing between the box and Sebastian. Was that a Tiffany’s box? He got her something from Tiffany’s? She had never gotten anything from there before. Not even her old engagement ring was from there. In fact, she was not sure where David had gotten the ring from…

 But back to the present, Sebastian stood in front of her with a Tiffany’s box. Blinking a few times, she met his gaze, he stared back with a knowing smile.

 “Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to marry me.” He joked, but nervously ran his other hand through his hair, before placing the small box on the counter.

 “Oh thank goodness.” She said mockingly, but curiosity took the best of her, giving the box a few more stares.

 “Stop looking at it and open the box.” he softly ordered with a light shove of his hip.

 She hesitantly reached for it. Not sure of what to expect. It was just a birthday present Camille. Just like the one you gave him back in Manchester for his birthday. Don’t be stupid.

 She tugged at the ribbon and it slowly became undone, then took the top off. For the next few moments, neither one said a word. Camille kept her head down, blinking back a few tears when she realized what it was. Only Sebastian would think of a gift like this.

 “Listen, if you don’t like it, we can return it for something else.” She heard Sebastian say in a panic voice.

 “What?” Finally lifting her head to meet his gaze. He looked almost frighten. “NO!” she exclaimed with a shake of her head. “It’s-it’s beautiful.” She barely whispered with a sniff, taking the silver necklace out of the box with the music note pendant. Was she really crying? Oh geez.

 “You sure?” Rubbing the back of his neck nervously. She smiled at him and only nodded. Her nod was like an invitation, and he stepped in closer. “I saw it and it reminded me of the story you told me about your parents.” He explained with a shy shrug.

 “Yeah.” Was all Camille could mustered at the moment, not breaking from his gaze.

 It had been months ago and they had been having a conversation about music and she mentioned to him about how her parents had met. Her mom had been a music teacher and to make extra money she decided to start tutoring on the side and one of the little girls she happened to be teaching was her dad’s little sister. It hadn’t been anything extraordinary, just something Camille had mentioned in conversation and then they had continued on.

 “You sure you like it?” Sebastian asked uncertain.

 “Y-yeah. I mean yes.” She stammered, sniffling again.

 He raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Then why the tears? This was not supposed to make you cry.” he muttered.

 “I’m fine.” She insisted with a small smile.

 “Oh yea? You’re crying Camille.” He insisted, his cheeks turning red. “Birthday presents aren’t supposed to make you sad. Unless it’s not what you want-.”

 But before he could get another word out, Camille wrapped her arms around his neck, inhaling his cologne. God the way he smelled was always so intoxicating. It always made her head buzz in appreciation. “Shut up.” She whispered. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” Not sure of what else to say.

 She felt him wrap his arms around her waist, nuzzling his nose into her hair before giving her a light squeeze and whispering in her ear. “You smell good.” Camille only hummed in response.  

 “Oh for fuck sakes. I swear you two...!” 

 They broke their embrace and both looked in the direction of the voice. Charles was giving them a look of dislike before shaking his head and settling the two bags of ice on the floor. Turning on his heels. “You guys can take of the rest of this. You two need to figure this shit out…I swear to god…” He muttered over his shoulder, still shaking his head.

 Sebastian rolled his eyes, walking toward where the two ice bags sat and called out after Charles. “Stop being such a drama queen!” But turned to Camille with a sheepish smile. 

 Shaking her head she composed herself but let a slight giggle, meeting him half way. “Help me put these in the freezer before Sam comes back here.”

 *****

 “Why do you have to be the one to do it?”

 “Because,” Camille grunted pulling her gray sweat pants over the spandex. “They called me-.”

 “They couldn’t call someone else?” Natalie snapped, arms crossed in front of her chest as Camille walked out of her closet.

 “Look, I know you don’t like it-.”

 Natalie furiously shook her head and interrupted. “This isn’t your responsibility anymore Camille.” Giving her sister a long stare. “It’s not.” She repeated a bit more softly. 

 Camille shoved her arms into her sweater, zipping it up before letting out a long sigh. “I know.” She agreed, nervously placing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll be quick.” She promised. 

 “I’m not going with you.” Natalie stated, her voice raising again over the loud music in the living room. 

 “And I’m not asking you too. I can go by myself.” Reaching for her phone on the end of the bed. 

 “I don’t want you going by yourself either.” 

 “Nat-.” Camille started with a short laugh. “I’ll be okay.” Absently putting her phone in the hoodie pocket. 

 It was a few hours into the Halloween/birthday party and everyone had been having a good time. Dancing, drinking and even singing Karaoke. (Sam had bought a karaoke machine and had it out in the backyard with a small stage where people were free to use). Camille had been having a good time, drinking, laughing and catching up with Sebastian. It had been a nice distraction after the last few weeks of nonstop work.  

 Sebastian and Charles has been making her laugh for most of the night. Sebastian had pretended to be upset that Camille and Charles had lunch and dinner a handful of times since being back in Los Angeles. And had even exchanged numbers and texted as much as she talked to Sebastian. That only made Charles add fuel to the fire by giving Sebastian the full play by play of their “dates” as he had been calling them. It had all been in fun of course. 

 Camille had been ready to drag them to do karaoke when her phone had rang from a number she didn’t recognize, without thinking twice she had answered it.  

 “Hey! There you are!” Sebastian exclaimed, sticking his head into Camille’s bedroom. He looked directly at Natalie. “Sam’s looking for you. She said you know where the extra vodka is at...” but trailed off, obviously feeling the tension in the room. He glanced between the Solis sisters. “What’s up?” Furrowing his eyebrows. “Where you going?” 

 Natalie opened her mouth, but quickly shut it when she caught Camille’s warning look. 

 “I’ll be back.” Camille said, avoiding his question, trying to remember if her car keys were still in her purse. She felt Sebastian’s gaze on her and it was making her uncomfortable, because she knew this was not avoidable. She closed her eyes for a split moment before opening them up again and meeting his blue orbs. “I got a phone call from a bar...about David. Apparently he's been there since this afternoon.” She finished, hanging her head down, not wanting to see Sebastian’s look of disappointment. 

 “So Camille is driving to the bar to pick him up.” Natalie added angrily. “Even though I keep telling her it’s not her responsibility!” 

 Camille abruptly lifted her head up, giving Natalie a long stare. “I’m not gonna let him drive like this!” 

 “Let his drunk ass get a cab!” 

 Camille sucked in her breath. “Look, we know the bartender. That’s why they called me. Apparently he’s not carrying his phone.” She tried to explained, looking back at Sebastian for the first time. He had stepped into the room and stood a few feet away watching the exchange. 

 “He really knows how to fucking ruin everything.” Natalie murmured. 

 “He isn’t ruin anything. I will just go pick him up, drop him off and come back.” 

 Natalie shut her eyes, as if trying to calm herself down. After a few moments of silence, she opened them back up. “Fine.” Her voice sounding dejected. “But I’m not getting out of the car.” She stated, nose up. 

 “I can go by myself. I don’t need you running out of the car to kick his ass.” She tried to joke, grabbing her favorite pair of sandals from underneath the bed. 

 “I don’t want you going by yourself.” Natalie repeated. 

 “I can go with her.” They both heard Sebastian offer. 

 Both sisters turned their heads slowly to Sebastian’s direction. Camille quickly shook her head in protest. 

 Sebastian gave her a small smile. “I promise to stay in the car.” Raising his hand up and bringing three fingers up. “Scouts honor.” 

 Camille raised an eyebrow. “You were never a Boy Scout.” 

 Dropping his hand, he shrugged. “Okay, fine. But I’ll stay in the car.” 

 “You don’t have to. I know you aren’t his biggest fan either. But I just can’t leave him there in good conscience.” 

 “I don’t mind.” Sebastian said. “Listen, he drove right?” Camille only nodded. “Well someone’s going to have to drive his car back to his place. You can drive it and I’ll follow behind.” He reasoned. “Okay?” 

 Camille bit her lip nervously. That did make sense. She hadn’t broke her gaze from him since he started speaking. She couldn’t read what he was thinking, but knew that it was probably a good idea to have some there with her. After a few more seconds of trying to rationalize with herself, she finally spoke. “Okay.” With a small nod. “You’re right.” 

 Sebastian smile grew a little more at her words. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that again?” He teased. 

 Camille narrowed her eyes at him. But let out a silent sigh of relief at his teasing. So maybe he wasn’t that disappointed in her. 

 “You should have gotten that on record.” Natalie piped in. 

 “Ha-ha.” Camille said sarcastically. 

 ~~~

Unfortunately Camille had been wrong. Sebastian had been sitting in the driver seat of her car for 20 minutes before deciding to get out and stretch his legs and smoke a cigarette. He was now on his 3rd one. Leaning up against the car door he puffed one more time before flicking the cigarette butt on the driveway and stomping on it with his shoe. He glanced down at his watch, frowning. It had been almost 45 minutes since Camille had walked into the house with David.

 Lifting his face up to the night sky, Sebastian tried to push the nervousness and displeasure he was feeling away. He was here for Camille, not David. She needed support and he wanted to be that for her. He had to keep reminding himself of that. It had definitely been important to repeat it to himself when they had arrived at the bar and watched from the car as Camille and some tall bulky guy (who Sebastian assumed was the bartender who had called) held up David from each side to maneuver him into his car. Sebastian had followed behind to the house that Camille once shared with him.

 Once they arrived at the house, Camille quickly got out of the car and made her way to him and said it would only take a few minutes to get David settled inside. Sebastian had offered to help, seeing that he could barely walk. But Camille had decline, informing him that David had sobered up enough to make it inside.

 With his face still up to the sky, Sebastian let out a large sigh. This whole thing was fucking ridiculous. Natalie was right, this was no longer Camille’s responsibility. Hell, even when they were together it should not have been a responsibility. They were supposed to be a couple, not Camille playing the part of a mother. He glanced back over his shoulder at the front door for what seemed the hundredth time in the past 45 minutes, tempted to go and knock and make sure Camille was okay.

 If she needs you, she will let you know. He reminded himself. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake like in New York. Camille had to figure this out on her own. Regardless of how much he and her sister wanted Camille to drop his ass, she would have to do it on her own terms. Not anyone else. Even if it killed him.

 Sebastian was about to take out another cigarette when he heard a door open and close, hurriedly he turned his attention to the noise. Letting out a silent sigh of relief, he watched Camille make her way toward the car, looking a bit frazzled when she reached the passenger side. Sebastian walked around toward her with concern in his eyes.

 “I’m so sorry.” Camille started rapidly. “I know I said it was going to be quick-.”

 “It’s okay.” Sebastian murmured, cupping her face in between his hands.

 Camille looked up at him skeptically. “No it’s not. I know how you feel about him.” Nervously running a hand through her hair.

 Sebastian gave her a guilty smile. “Okay, no it’s not.” He answered truthfully. Recognizing it was better not to lie.

 “Thank you.” She said with a grateful smile, which Sebastian took as ‘thank you for not lying to me.’ about the situation.

 “Ready to go?” he asked after a few moments of silence, gesturing toward the car. Camille pressed her lips together before giving him a small nod. “Good. C’mon.” dropping his hands from her face to open the passenger door.

 Camille followed, but stopped abruptly before getting inside car. “You got a cigarette?”

 It took a few seconds for her request to register in his head. But Sebastian chuckled lowly. “Darlin’ you don’t smoke.” He reminded.

 “Ooh right.” She mumbled with a small smile, sliding into the passenger seat. Sebastian shut the door after her, shaking his head in amusement as he walked to the driver’s side.

 “I’m glad you still have your sense of humor.” He observed, turning the engine on the car.

 “Oh, I wasn’t joking about the cigarette.” Camille said, sliding the seatbelt on, leaning her head back against the headrest, turning her attention toward him. Gnawing on her lip for a few moments before speaking up. “I’m sorry again.” Her eyes filling with regret and remorse.

 He leaned over the center console of the car, squeezing her knee. “Stop.” He ordered softly. He wanted to engulf her in his arms at the moment. Blinking a few times, she only nodded. He gave her another squeeze. “You okay?”

 “Hmm? Oh yeah.” She said in a not so convincing voice, reaching for his hand that sat on her lap. 

 “Camille?” He questioned, tangling his fingers with hers before tugging it up to his chest. “Talk to me.” He almost pleaded. 

 “We should go.” She whispered, looking out the car window and ignoring his previous comment.

 Sebastian knew better than to push. So instead he let go of her hand to put the car in ‘drive’, slowly hitting on the gas pedal, pulling up to the end of the drive that lead to one of the main streets. “Which way?” Reaching back over for her hand to get her attention.

 She jerked her head in his direction when they touched again. “Left.” Gently placing her other hand on top of his. 

 Following her directions, he made the left. And for the next 10 minutes, the car ride was silent. It was pretty late now so the roads where emptier that usual. Every few moments, he would give a side glance, as she absently stroked the top of his hand but her attention was elsewhere. He had a feeling she was trying to collect her thoughts.  

 They came to a red light and Sebastian couldn’t help but let his eyes linger a bit longer on her. In spite of everything that was going on at the moment, one thing was true- he was glad to be in her presence after almost 4 weeks. Just like he had predicted, it had taken him almost a week to get back to his routine back in New York, especially with Camille not being around all the time. His fears about their friendship only working in Manchester had been wrong-thankfully. They had managed to keep in touch daily and that had been a great weight off his heart.

 “I-I told him I couldn’t do this anymore.” She stammered in a barely there whisper.  

 Sebastian only continued to stare, unsure of how to respond. Mostly because he thought she had more to share. 

 “The lights’ green.” She said with an amused smile, letting go of his hand to point ahead. 

 Clearing his throat and shaking his head slightly, he mumbled stupidly. “Oh uh yeah. Of course...” at the same time stepping on the gas pedal.

 “Natalie, Tia Yolanda, you...everyone was right...” She said with a bitter laugh. 

 “Whoa- it’s not fun to be right when you agree with me.” He tried to tease. She brought one knee up, tilting her head in his direction with a knowing look. Sebastian shrugged and let out an exasperated sound. “Okay-fine. It’s still a little bit fun.”

 “So that means I’m right.” She concluded, a small smile tugging on her lips.

 He didn’t say anything for a few moments, but watched as she anxiously twirled the music note pendant around her neck between her fingers. “Was he sober enough to even know what you were talking about?” He asked a bit more bitterly than he intended it to sound. 

 “I made sure he drank plenty of water and had ibuprofen just in case.” 

 Camille would be the type of person to do those thoughtful things for someone even after all the shit they put her through. Sebastian gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter when he thought about how much David had made her cry in the last months. “You’re too good Camille.” He blurted out. 

 “I wasn’t feeling too good when he was begging me to stay and I told him I couldn’t.” She confessed, but the tone of her voice sounded different this time. There was a hint of resolve in it. “I told I couldn’t continue to be his go to person anymore. And that he needs to stop calling me.” Pausing for a split second to gather her thoughts again. “That there was nothing else to work out or work through.” 

 Sebastian felt something inside fill with hope as she spoke. 

 “Something just clicked Sebastian. Maybe it was seeing him literally sprawled on that table in the bar... or having to drag him out of there as people stared. I’m not sure. I just realized that this isn’t healthy. And I know I’ve been saying it, but now I think I’m finally ready. I’m tired of randomly crying and feeling like I’m not good enough. I know it’s going to be fucking hard. But I know there isn’t anything I can do to change what happened or change him for that matter.” 

 By then they had stopped at another red light, and Sebastian could stare with what he assumed was a smile on his features. 

 “Go ahead, say I told you so.” She quipped with a slight wrinkle of her nose. 

 “I’m not going to do that.” 

 “Oh? Why not?”

 “Because sometimes you have to figure it out on your own. And I’m sorry if I pushed.” 

 She continued to play with her new necklace. “You didn’t.” Then added. “Shit, we need to turn left here.” She instructed.

 Glancing into his rear view window, he quickly got to the left lane, turning once the light turned green. “How did he take it?” 

 “He just kept saying he could change. And he was sorry for everything. That he loves me. I told him he needed to get shit together because he was going to be a father soon. Because this isn’t just about us anymore. There is a child involved now. I’m not going to be the reason why this baby doesn’t have an attentive father.” She finished firmly. 

 These were the words Sebastian had been hoping to hear for the past 2 months. 

 “He kept begging and begging for me to stay. By this time he had sobered enough where he couldn’t blame the alcohol.” She licked her bottom lip. “I was scared. For so long he’s been everything and the idea of not having that anymore is scary and overwhelming.” She confessed. Then gave an embarrassed laugh. “I’m just blabbing all over the place.” 

 “I don’t mind listening.” Sebastian stated. It was a satisfying feeling to have her share her thoughts with him. 

 “Yeah?” 

 “Yeah, talk my ear away. I’m used to it by now.” 

 “Thanks.” She said sarcastically. After a long pause, Camille spoke up again. “Can we not go home yet?” She asked meekly. 

 They came to another red light and he finally looked over at her with a furrowed of his eyebrows. “Where are we going to go?” 

 Camille had an almost offended look on her face. “The beach?” 

 “It’s almost 2 in the morning! I thought they closed?” 

 Camille lifted both feet and settled them on the passenger dashboard of her car. “Ah that’s what they want the non-locals to think. But there are ways around that.” She said mysteriously.  

 “If we get caught, I’m leaving you behind. I’m a fast runner.” He warned. Camille shook her head but with a small chuckle. “Alright-which way to the beach?” He asked instead. 

 The need once again to soak as much time with her as possible, hitting his gut. Realizing he didn’t want the night to end just yet. And he knew that’s what was going to happen if they drove them back to Natalie and Sam’s house. 

 “Make a right at the next light.” Camille ordered without hesitation. 

@thewintersadie @mydragulesebastian @its-daydreamer23 @janeyboo @peaceinourtime82 

[inifitywar]

she is perfection //james march

pairing: james march x mute!reader 

word count: 2324

warnings: self-deprecation, low self-esteem, mention of cheating, sexual assault, swearing, mention of alcohol, light choking, physical violence, angst. 

a/n: this is a collab with the lovely @ahswitchy. our parts are separated by a simple insert line, starting with her. we hope you enjoy! x

i took one last place in the mirror before nodding my head to myself and spinning on my heels to leave mine and james’ shared room.

the dress i was wearing was pretty simple. plain, black fabric with long sleeves, the skirt resting by knees length. on my feet, just flats. even though my friends liz and elizabeth would try their best to persuade me into wearing more fancy and revealing outfits, i simply couldn't. catching people attention had always made me feel anxious, and the thought of so many eyes staring right at me made me feel sick to my stomach. 

that would be my first time joining devils night. at first i didnt want to go. but, still, james insisted so much that i ended up just accepting it. he’d always done everything for me, so why couldn't i? 

knowing i stil had 20 minutes or so left until devil’s night actually began, i decided to make my way to the bar, knowing liz would hound me later if she didn’t get to see me all dressed up. anytime i wear anything dressier than jeans and a sweatshirt liz practically coos over me because, “sweetie, with just a little lipstick and some heels, you could just about sweep any man off his feet.”

making my way through the halls, i turn a corner to find james and elizabeth. quickly, i duck behind one of the walls, hoping i wasn’t seen.

you see, despite james loving me no matter what i wear, he especially adores when i get dressed up, even if it is just with a simple dress. knowing this, i informed him that we would meet at the dinner instead of just going together, wanting to surprise him so i could see him get all flustered. unsurprisingly, he refused, insisting that we greet the guests together, with me by his side. but he also knew that he was already walking on thin ice, considering that i had barely agreed to attend in the first place, so he reluctantly complied. 

although james would never admit to getting flustered around me, i still see it. when his voice gets caught in his throat and his eyes drag up my body to meet mine. but of course, he never lets his composure fall for more than a moment before he’s already gathered himself and greeted me with a compliment that would make any woman blush. although those moments are quick, the look we share says that we both know it won’t be long before my dress and his trousers are tossed upon the carpet. 

dragging my attention back to the two, i let out a sigh relief, praising whatever higher power there is that they hadn’t spotted me. more importantly, that james hadn’t spotted me. elizabeth seeing me wasn’t really a concern. given, she’s wasn't exactly the lover i was trying to woo. 

watching them quietly, which is a routine i seem to have mastered. no doubt, owing it all to the time i’ve spent toward perfecting my body language and movement, as they are the focal points to my communication. 

seeing james and elizabeth together had never bothered me much, for elizabeth has always been one of my closest friends in the hotel and i knew she wasn’t interested in james. and don’t get me wrong, i wasn’t second guessing her intentions now, but i couldn’t help but feel something in the pit of my stomach as i watched them. 

i wasn’t close enough to hear the two but i could see them just fine. james was already dressed for devil’s night, he switched out his usual formal attire for something a bit darker and more crisp. he looked utterly handsome, even more so than usual, which is saying a lot. 

elizabeth was adorned in one of her many stunning gowns. i couldn’t help but glance back down at my dress and compare the two. sure, my dress was simple, but i had thought it was elegant. but looking at elizabeth’s gown was starting to make me second guess my choice of attire. i mean hell, she wasn’t even trying. she wore prada on her lazy days and here i was, thinking i went all out, wearing a plain black dress and flats to james’ most important event of the year. even james was taken with her gown, or rather, what was underneath. 

an unfaithful man was something james would never be, i knew this as a fact. but that didn’t stop his eyes from roaming about her figure. i could see elizabeth roll her eyes at him, clearly uninterested, confirming what i already knew to be true. 

they continued to talk and although i couldn’t hear them, i had no doubt her voice sounded like honey. i mean, the woman could quote a book about politics and still make it sound sexy. how is that even possible? 

taking a deep breath, i leaned back against the wall, letting myself slide down until i was finally just sitting. thoughts filled my mind, some were of betrayal, but mostly just insecurity. my thoughts of betrayal were immediately followed by thoughts of guilt. after all, it wasn’t like he actually cheated on me or did anything wrong. all he did was look at her, and how could he not? she was alluring in every aspect, the way she looked, the way she smelled, the way she moved, the way she felt, the way she talked. she was, in theory, his perfect match. 

“dearest? what are you doing on the floor in a dress?” 

suddenly, my thoughts froze as i noticed james’ black dress shoes planted in front of me. 

i could feel my cheeks burning at the awkward sensation of getting caught in such a...humiliating position.

“darling, how come you are not ready yet? the guests are about to arrive, and you are still not dressed properly!” james mumbled as he reached a hand out to me.

i felt my heart drop as his words roamed about my mind, replaying over and over again in a cruel, twisted form.

how come you are not ready yet?  

i thought i looked better than usual, but my temporary self-love had been crushed into pieces and now everything was scattered all over the floor. my feelings. my heart.

my gaze remained locked on his shoes as the unshed tears started to fill my (y/e/c) eyes.

“dearest?” james called again and gently touched my arms, frowning when i flinched away from his touch. “what is this nonsense!?”

he sunk his fingers in my skin and forcefully pulled me up so i was properly standing in front of him with my back pressed against the wall.

“now now, head right back to our suite and change into some lavishing, elegant dress.” he smiled and pointed his chin towards the countess. “perhaps, you might wish to use elizabeth as a reference.”

i felt my breath hitching, as if i was drowning myself in a damned mix of feelings. bitterness, hatred, sadness, jealousy…my body reacted as soon as my husband had finished his sentence.

my muscles tensed under his touch and the tears drifted down my cheeks like an overflowing sink. james’ eyes got wide as he tried to understand the situation, for he seemed lost. and that's probably what had hurt the most.

he just didn't know he'd said something hurtful…

james leaned forward and hugged me tightly, resting his chin on top of my head. my lips contorted in anger, and almost instantly, i brought my fists to his chest, frantically shoving him away from me, my hands colliding with his aimed wall of muscles.

he backed off, startled, his head slightly cracked to the side.

“my de-” as he tried to approach me again, i lifted one hand to stop him, which worked.

“fuck you.” my hands trembled in emotion as i signed.

james furrowed his eyebrows and straightened his broad shoulders. before he could say anything to protest, i started to sign again.

“take your queen with you, then.” i pointed my index finger at the countess, who held her chest as she witnessed our fight. “i am not good enough for you, anyway.”

i pushed him out of the way and scrambled out of the lobby with my face hid behind my hand. i quickly got into the elevator, instantly pressing the button to my floor.

before the golden doors were closed, i could hear the conversation between james and elizabeth…

“you fucked up, james. you really did. she was actually already ready. she just wanted to hear a compliment from you. you should hear yourself...what you said to lovely (y/n) was mean.”

“oh my goodness...what have I done?”

---

i stumbled out of the elevator into the dimly-lit hallways of the sixth floor, the tears staining my eyes turning my vision blurry, as my body shook with the cry emerging from my soul.

i brought my small arms to wrap around my pathetic frame out of instinct, as i suddenly felt the cold hitting me.

suddenly, i felt a large hand grasping my bicep and pulling me into a big wall of muscles. i gasped out of shock, my eyes unconsciously shooting up to meet bright blue orbs.

john lowe.

i could tell he was drunk by the way his eyelids were hanging slightly, and a little smirk was plastered across his lips. unconsciously, i tried to pull my arm away, but his grip was too tight.

“why are you crying, [Y/N]? has someone hurt you?” john reached his free hand to hold my other arm.  

i hung my head and shut my eyes. he shook me slightly to get my attention, making my heart race.

“it's nothing.” I sheepishly signed, hoping it'd convince him.

john shook his head and pulled me into his arms, tightly wrapping his arms around my waist. i tried to squirm away, but he simply put more strength into the embrace.

“shhh, don't waste your energy, [Y/N]. i gotcha, and i won't be letting you go…” john’s voice had gained an incredibly dark tone all of the sudden, which caused the hairs on the back of my neck to raise. “you are upset because james keeps chasing after his former slut.” i gulped, trying my best to hold back the tears, that i am positive he knew i was holding. “hmm?” he tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. “you're hot, [Y/N]. you being mute...it kinda turns me on, you know?” a single tear had slipped down my cheek. “it means I can do whatever I want with you…”

right after he finished his sentence, he turned on his heels and shoved me, causing me to trip and hit my back against the hallway red wall, ripping a gasp out of me. john was quick to pin me there by grabbing my throat.

“you squeak, huh?” he whispered in my ear, seeming unfazed by my countless attempts at kicking him or shoving him off. “it’s not beautiful when they squeak, [Y/N]...”

when i tried to kick him again, he looped his arms underneath my thighs and lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. the tears were now dropping freely from my [y/e/c] as he forcefully grinded his clothed bulge against me, placing disgusting sloppy kisses on my neck.

his hands were everywhere...

and i knew, that no matter how many showers i took after that, they'd never be enough to wash away all of the remnants of john lowe’s putrid.

“fuck…” he grunted as he dug his filthy nails in my breasts.

he was implacable. he was like a wild animal, yielding to the profane and animalistic carnal desire, which was only being increased by the absinthe running through his veins, intoxicating his system.

though john was not the most ferocious predator…

i gasped in surprise when he was suddenly yanked away from me. i wrapped my arms around myself as i stared at my savior.

it was james…

“ja-” john started, but he was cut off by my husband’s fist colliding with his jaw. john instantly brought his hand to hold the spot.

“what was this nonsense!?” james practically howled, his shoulders tense, his jaw clenched, his face red...john was in a lot of trouble. before he could answer, james grabbed the collar of his jacket and slammed him against the wall.

“you. shall. never. put. your. disgusting. hands. on. my. wife. ever. again.” with each bitter word, james gave john a punch on the face. by the time he was done, the detective was lying unconscious on the floor.  

james punched the wall in front of him, still completely outraged, causing me to flinch. i forced myself to walk towards him, because suddenly all of the rage i held towards him had melted. hesitantly, i placed my hand on his broad shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze to catch his attention.

as he let his gaze wander down my baffled frame, his eyes softened.

“darling, forgive m-”

i pressed my index finger against his lips before he could finish his sentence. i wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his chest. james didn't hesitate to hug me back. i cling to him, digging my nails into the black fabric of his suit.

“dearest, i am taking you back to our suite,” he whispered as he stroked my hair.

to his surprise, i shook my head and pulled away. heading towards john’s limp body, my lips trembled as i took in his defeated form. i shot james a quick glance over my shoulder. my eyes had acquired a sinister darker shade.

i turned on my heels so i was facing my husband.

“i need rope.” i coldly signed. “and a sledgehammer, please.”  

as his brain processed what was roaming my mind, a devious smirk broke through his face. clearing his throat, james bounced on his heels with his head slightly cracked to the side.

“splendid, darling! splendid!”

[angstmatsuscenarios]

Angst scenarios about Todomatsu struggling with his effeminate side in high school and being supported by his brothers?

Hopefully this is something along the lines of what you were wanting! Under the cut:

“Todomatsu, what’s that on your hands?”

“Hm?” Todomatsu glanced up at his friend Tadashi, who was leaning against his desk and giving him a peculiar look. He scrunched his eyebrows in confusion as he glanced down at his hands. “What are you talking about? There’s nothing on my hands.”

“Yes, there is–your nails are all shiny. Are you wearing nail polish?” Tadashi asked incredulously.

Ooooh. Todomatsu examined his nails again, the almost iridescent sheen of the clear polish reflecting the light overhead. “Yeah, I guess so. Why?”

“Oh…I mean, it’s just that, I thought that nail polish was against the dress code?” Tadashi shrugged as if it were nothing, but Todomatsu had a sneaking suspicion that more was at play here.

“It’s just clear polish, Tadashi. I doubt anyone else would even notice, it’s not like the teacher is going to send me to detention over it.”

“Yeah, but…well, why are you wearing it in the first place?”

Todomatsu shrugged passively, drumming his fingers against the desktop and secretly admiring the way his nails caught the light. How was he supposed to explain to Tadashi that he liked the way it looked and felt on him? He wouldn’t get it…or worse, think it was strange.

“I read somewhere that’s it’s good for your nails,” he finally answered. There, hopefully that answer would suffice.

“Hmm.” Tadashi raised an eyebrow. “You’ve sure been into things like that lately, haven’t you?”

“Things like what?” Todomatsu asked warily, regarding Tadashi cautiously.

“You know…nail polish, things like that. It seems like you’ve gotten really into beauty products lately.” There was an almost accusing edge to Tadashi’s tone, though Todomatsu wasn’t quite sure if he was misinterpreting it. At any rate, he didn’t like it.

“So?” Todomatsu tried not to sound defensive, but it was a little hard not to. “What does it matter if I’m into nail polish or face masks or any of it? I’m just taking care of myself. I like it.”

“Well, it’s, you know…girly.” Todomatsu doubted Tadashi meant to spit the word out so venomously, but it sure felt like he did. “Actually talking about doing these beauty routines, and hanging out with girls so much…you even like the color pink now. Don’t you think that’s kind of weird?”

Todomatsu felt his cheeks flush red, stung by the “weird” statement. “No, I don’t,” he said tersely, trying to mask his hurt. “I don’t think it’s weird at all. Why should I? I’m just expressing what I like. There’s nothing wrong with having friends who are girls, or liking pink, or…or any of it! So I don’t need to defend myself to you.”

Tadashi just shrugged again. “If you say so. Just telling you my opinion…I’d rather you hear it from a friend than someone else who might not be as considerate.” His tone was too condescending for his words to mean anything.

“Well, thank you,” Todomatsu responded coldly. “But I don’t need your opinions, so you can just…go.”

Miraculously Tadashi backed off, retreating toward his own desk. Todomatsu didn’t miss seeing him shake his head slightly to himself as he departed, though.

Todomatsu cast one last glance down toward his hands, at his shiny nails…then slowly curled his hands up and rested them palms-down on the desktop, so no one else would see the polish.

———-

“Hey, isn’t that Todomatsu?”

Todomatsu’s ears perked up at the sound of his name being mentioned, and he glanced toward the other end of the aisle of the drugstore. He’d been standing in the cosmetics aisle for awhile now, perusing the selection of lotions and trying to decide which one he liked best, when he realized he wasn’t alone. Several feet away he could see two girls he recognized from school, two of the more popular girls in his grade whom he didn’t talk to much but certainly knew a lot about. They were the ones whose opinions mattered the most, whose approval everyone within their right mind tried to obtain. Todomatsu wasn’t sure what his standing with them was, but if they knew his name already…well, they must know something about him.

He pretended to continue studying the lotion bottles, waiting as casually as possible to see what they would do next. Were they going to approach him and say hi? His heart fluttered in nervous anticipation at the thought. That would be a definite seal of approval on his part. Maybe they’d strike up a conversation, and he coul wow them with his knowledge of Korean beauty products and even give them some recommendations on what to get. He did know a thing or two about that, after all….

But they didn’t come closer. Instead they seemed to be keeping their distance, speaking in hushed tones to each other. Todomatsu picked up a bottle of lotion and examined the label, secretly straining to hear what they were saying.

“Yes, that’s him,” said one of the girls, who had long black hair tied in a sleek braid and finished with a pink bow. “Why, should we go up to him?”

“I don’t know,” the other girl, whose own brown hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, remarked. “He’s kind of odd, isn’t he? He’s so into cosmetics and stuff…I’ve never seen a guy so obsessed with it before.”

Todomatsu’s stomach clenched up at that, his breath catching in his throat. He forced himself to keep listening.

“Yeah,” the first girl noted. “Come to think of it, he is. He’s always chatting with the other girls about things Iike that…like he really knows a lot. And I’ve seen him shopping here before.”

“He buys more beauty products than I do,” the second girl quipped with a giggle. “It’s weird for a boy to like this stuff so much, isn’t it?”

There it was again...weird. Used to describe him. Todomatsu felt like he’d been punched in the gut, like all the air had been sucked out of him.

The first girl nodded, giggling now too. “I think so. He’s so feminine. Anyway, let’s hurry up here so we can go get iced coffees at the cafe.”

With that the two girls started off toward the next aisle, still snickering to themselves, probably unaware that Todomatsu had heard every brutal word they’d said.

Or…..maybe they knew, but they just didn’t care.

Todomatsu drew in a deep, shaky breath, his vision suddenly blurring. He quickly shoved the lotion back onto the shelf, not bothering to try putting it back in its proper spot in his desperate haste, and walked briskly toward the front door. He hadn’t gotten what he’d come here for, but so what? He didn’t care anymore.

Weird, weird, weird….why does everyone think I’m weird? Is it really so “weird” for a guy to like things like this, too? Am I really that feminine?

He peered at his nails again, the polish glimmering slightly in the sunlight. He felt cold all of a sudden, sad and alone.

Maybe I really am…

His thoughts were an awful, muddy mess as he raced home, trying to get there before the tears started falling for real.

—————

“Oi! Todomatsu, is that you?” Osomatsu hollered from the living room as soon as Todomatsu arrived home. “Did you remember to get me some chips from the drugstore?”

Todomatsu kicked off his shoes and stumbled into the living room, barely holding it together. He was already sniffling, arms wrapped around himself as he shook.

His three oldest brothers, already all gathered in the living room, glanced up from their homework the moment Todomatsu made his less-than-grand entrance. As soon as they saw him—his red-rimmed eyes and quivering chin—they forgot all about their textbooks.

“Todomatsu! What’s wrong?” Choromatsu asked, alarmed.

“You look horrible, dear brother!” Karamatsu lamented. “Did someone hurt you?”

“If they did, they’re gonna be the ones hurting next,” Osomatsu vowed, his hands involuntarily curling into fists.

“N-no…not exactly.” Todomatsu had been hurt, just not physically. Though as bad as he felt emotionally, maybe a punch to the face would’ve been a welcome alternative. “Guys…can I ask you something? Do you…am I too feminine?”

The question was met with a mix of surprise and confusion. They shared a look with each other, one Todomatsu couldn’t read and that made him feel even worse. He slumped to the floor, unable to suppress his tears anymore.

The second he broke down sobbing Osomatsu was at his side, gently rubbing his back, and the others brothers quickly joined the huddle.

“Todomatsu…what’s making you ask this?” Osomatsu asked, lightly caressing Todomatsu’s hair.

“Some people at school…they were making comments to me,” Todomatsu explained, sniffling and fighting not to blubber. “They were s-saying that it was g-girly of me to like getting my nails done and doing facials and all that…they said I was…w-weird.” The word practically burned his throat, it hurt so much to say.

“What’s weird about it?” Choromatsu frowned slightly. “It’s all just self-care, isn’t it? You have every right to enjoy it as much as girls do.”

“Indeed! I like it quite a lot myself,” Karamatsu added. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of in taking pride in one’s appearance, after all.”

“I guess…but it wasn’t just that,” Todomatsu sniveled. “They…they said it was weird that I was friends with a lot of girls, too. And that I like wearing pink. And I guess…I’m not sure, but maybe I really am sort of feminine. But…I like myself this way. Is it wrong to like that?”

“No way!” Osomatsu exclaimed. “Absolutely not. You should never feel like being yourself is wrong. Even if other kids are jerks about it.”

“So like…you guys don’t mind it? That I spend my allowance on cosmetics and like having spa days? You don’t think that’s…?” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word again.

“Nope! You’re our little brother, we’d support you no matter what,” Osomatsu affirmed. “Even if we can be jerks too sometimes.”

Karamatsu and Choromatsu nodded their agreement. Todomatsu rubbed his teary eyes and smiled just a little, feeling a bit better now that that was out in the open.

“Thank you,” he said huskily, pulling his brothers in for a group hug. For once no one resisted, squeezing him back just as tightly. Todomatsu caught a glimpse of his nails again, but this time didn’t give it a second thought.

This was part of who he was. He didn’t want to hide it, no matter who else tried to hurt him or call him weird in the process.