#i an guilty of this but ive just been thinking how often the nice fun guy is spider-man in spidey aus

[pbnmj]

i feel like people are misunderstanding spidey aus sometimes and grabbing the closest golden retriever guy trope and pushing them into the spidey role when in fact peter parker is possibly the worst adjusted teenager in the world

[css1992]

Guilty Pleasure

Summary:  Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM. 

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V /  Part VI /  Part VII /  Part VIII  / Part IX / Part X /  Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

Almost two months after moving out of Beck’s place, Peter was able to rent an apartment in the same building as Ned and MJ. It was tiny, of course, but pretty inexpensive, compared to other options he found around that area. Besides, with the money he made with Just4Fans over those few weeks, he would be able to afford it comfortably for at least a few months – largely thanks to YKWIM. He still planned on saving up as much as possible, so he put a lot of effort into making his account grow and it was working – by the end of April, he was up to five hundred subscribers.

He didn’t check to see what Beck was doing, he was too afraid to look and see him with his new boyfriend, but he got lots of comments from his old fans, who still followed Beck, telling him that the new boy had nothing on him. Again, he didn’t dare to check, but the ego boost was nice, even if he didn’t really believe them. Also, he was down to crying once every two days instead of every other day, so he was counting that as a win as well.

His apartment was still pretty empty, specially because he spent most of his time downstairs at his friends’ place, but he decorated the bathroom and his room to the best of his ability, since they would be the background of pretty much all his videos and pictures. He also bought some new lingerie sets, a few costumes and sex toys he wasn’t even sure how to use, but he was slowly figuring them out.

Aside from decorating his room and the bathroom, he also bought an armchair and placed it by the  window with a couple of pillows. It was a nice spot to spend the afternoon reading or working on his computer. The light in that apartment was great, sunlight streamed right into his living room and warmed it up nicely. As they approached the end of April, the weather was getting better everyday.

Some days, he felt happy. He felt okay with the fact that he was still doing porn and that it wasn’t a terrible crime. Sure, it wasn’t what he had planned to do with his life, but he was young, he would eventually figure things out. For the time being, he needed that gig and he couldn’t beat himself up for it. Also, it wasn’t so bad now that he was only doing solo stuff.

Some other days, though, were just – hard. He remembered all the videos that were still online and he felt awful for the sole reason that they existed. Not so much for the ones he filmed with Beck, he was somewhat okay with those, the guy was his boyfriend after all, they had sex anyway, the only difference was the camera in the room. But the other ones…

When he started filming with other men, it quickly turned into an unpleasant experience for him. He hated every second of it and always ended up feeling guilty, used and disposable at the end of the day. Beck didn’t make it any better with the way he looked at him afterwards as he told him to get in the shower.

He wasn’t entirely sure of the reasons why those videos bothered him so much, sometimes it felt like it wasn’t even him in them. It was like he was watching a different person, he looked at himself and felt completely dissociated from that boy – at the same time, he looked at him and he knew – he knew – exactly what he was feeling when those were shot.

But that was a lot to unpack and he just wasn’t ready for that particular crisis.  

So in short, sometimes he was still a little unsure about how long he would be able to keep his Just4Fans account, because even though most days he didn’t feel too weird about it, sometimes it reminded him of things he preferred to forget. But that was fine, he was usually able to work around that. Also, most of his subscribers were great and didn’t make him feel like a cheap whore, so he had that going for him as well.

YKWIM was one of the good ones. They chatted almost daily, and Peter always sent him exclusive pictures and videos just because. He never posted those pictures on his feed once he sent them to him, it was their little secret. In return, he got his own collection of short videos of YKWIM finishing himself off. He didn’t know much about the person behind the videos, he’d taken to calling him daddy because most of his subscribers seemed to like it and YKWIM never complained, so it stuck.

Peter did know he lived in New York – which made him shiver – and that he was a businessman of some kind, but he also always talked about a workshop, so Peter wasn’t sure and he avoided asking personal questions. He worked most of the day and into the night, they usually talked when it was late, always around two in the morning.

He traveled a lot, too, and sometimes sent Peter small clips of his hotel rooms or the view from his balcony. In return, Peter sent him pictures of his messy bedroom and the horrible view from his window as a joke. It was nice talking to him, he always made Peter laugh – and then it often ended with a very satisfying orgasm that put him right to sleep, which was awesome.

Peter estimated YKWIM was older than Beck, but not by too much. He clearly had a fit body, which at first led him to believe he was in his thirties, at most; but he noticed YKWIM sometimes talked about the 80’s like he lived them, so he had to be at least in his forties, but Peter couldn’t be sure. He really wished he would show his face, though, it would be nice to have one to fantasize about. But then again, maybe it would ruin the whole thing.

One afternoon, after Peter spent hours taking pictures, shooting videos and editing them so he could post them over the following week, he got a message from YKWIM. He hurried to check it and was shocked to see that he had sent him yet another tip – forty thousand dollars this time.

“For you to buy pretty things so you can show them off to me.” Said the message that came with the money.

Peter almost dropped his phone when he saw it. It had been only five weeks since his last insane tip, so that made fifty thousand dollars in just a little over a month. For, like, thirty nudes. Who even was that guy?

“Wow, daddy, that’s way too much!” He added a flushed face emoji, for lack of something better to say. He was honestly feeling a little overwhelmed, even if the guy had millions to spend, there was no way just giving someone that amount of money was normal.

“That’s not nearly enough for what you’ve given me, baby.” Peter’s cheeks burned.

“I’m very flattered, but please, I really don’t think I deserve all this.” He was pretty sure he sounded pathetic, but that was how he felt, so. Yeah.

“Oh, but you do. Trust me, you really, really do. You’re worth every penny.” Peter bit his lower lip, a little unsure and still a little shocked.

“At least tell me what you’d like to see from me, please. Do you have any kinks that you’d like me to perform? Don’t be shy.” He asked, even though it always made him nervous to offer that kind of thing. Sometimes people were just waiting for the perfect opportunity to make the weirdest requests.

But, to be fair, he had been talking to YKWIM for over a month, so he somewhat trusted him not to ask for anything too absurd.  And then again, the guy had just paid him forty thousand dollars.

“Well, if you insist...” Here it comes, Peter thought, bracing himself. “Red and gold are my favorite colors. I’d love to see you wearing them.” Oh. Not what he was expecting at all.

“Done! Anything else? Come on, there’s gotta be something else.” Again, risky move. But again, forty thousand dollars.

“I’d love to hear you. You’re always so quiet in your videos. If you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear you call my name.” The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end at that request. It sounded… almost sweet? It obviously wasn’t meant like that, it was completely sexual, but out of all the wild things he could have asked for, he wanted to hear Peter call his name.

“What’s your name, daddy?”

“Tony.” Tony. Peter tested the word out on his tongue, saying it out loud once, twice. Tony. It suited the image he had created in his head. Tony.

“I can definitely do that, Tony. Anything else?”

“Buy yourself something pretty and send me a picture wearing it. Nothing sexual. Something you’d wear to a date with me.” Peter’s breath hitched. He supposed it was probably just a weird, rich people kink or something, but his mind went wild anyway. Very, very wild.

“I don’t know what I’d wear to a date with you, daddy. Any advice?”

“I like expensive and beautiful things such as yourself, baby.”

Normally, Peter wouldn’t appreciate being called expensive, like he was a thing to be bought, but he felt weirdly flattered by the answer. He promised YKW – Tony – he would send everything he requested over the next few days, and he was actually excited about the whole thing. And of course he knew that feeling was trouble, there were warning signs flashing like crazy before his eyes, but he ignored them and convinced himself that he was just having fun and he was allowed to have fun if he was going to keep doing porn. He didn’t have to feel miserable and guilty all the fucking time. He could – and should! – take some pleasure from it. He deserved it.

So the following day he asked MJ to go shopping with him, but he still didn’t tell her the whole story, he just said it was for his Just4Fans and she readily agreed to go. They went to Victoria’s Secret and Peter told her what he had in mind.

“So, how’s the job going? You’re doing okay? Not too overwhelmed?” She asked coolly as they searched through the panties section.

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s different when I’m in control, you know? Like, I know my limits and I don’t need to count on other people to respect them. Well, most of the time. So it’s cool.”

Some subscribers were a little pushy sometimes, asking for things Peter wasn’t willing to do and then getting really aggressive after being told no. But it didn’t affect him as much as it did when Beck ignored his boundaries, because those pushy subscribers could be easily blocked, whereas with Beck, well. It was a different story.

“Don’t ever feel like you need to push your limits, okay?” Michelle stopped what she was doing to grab him by the shoulders and force him to look at her. “If you ever feel like stopping, for whatever reason, just do it. No matter what, you’ll always have me and Ned, understand? We’re family, we’re here for you, we’d never leave you alone. If you want to stop, we’ll figure something out together, you hear me?” The way she looked into his eyes made him understand that she really meant every single word of it.

Family. He had a family with them.

Peter felt silly tearing up in the middle of Victoria’s Secret, so he pulled her into his arms and hid his face in her neck.

“Thank you. I needed to hear that,” he muttered, as she squeezed him a little tighter, before pushing him away.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get all teary-eyed on me, come on, you’ll ruin my reputation.” She looked around, sniffing, then stuck her hands in her pockets. Peter laughed halfheartedly, drying the corner of his eyes. “C’mon, there are panties to be bought.”

They spent a couple of hours searching the store, but in the end he found the perfect set. He bought some other pieces, too, for his feed, people had been asking for lingerie a lot lately, after a slightly weird phase of cat ears and tails. Once they left Victoria’s Secret, Peter was nervous because he had to tell MJ at least part of the truth to get her help with the second part of Tony’s request.

“So, listen,” he started and she turned to him, happily sipping her large coffee as they walked down the street. “I have this subscriber. He’s, like, a rich, old dude who always sends me tips and stuff. Anyway, he gave me some money and asked me to buy something nice and pose for him, but like, not in a sexual way. He wants to see me clothed.” She frowned, staring at him suspiciously. “Um. I was wondering if you could help me with that?”

She was silent for a few seconds, just looking at him with narrowed eyes. He looked away discreetly, trying to avoid her mind-reading skills.

“Should I be worried?” She asked, finally. He shook his head and chuckled nervously, waving a hand dismissively.

“He’s harmless, just some lonely, old dude. So, will you help?” He looked at her expectantly. She was still frowning and definitely knew something was up, but she nodded anyway, to Peter’s relief.

“What do you have in mind?” MJ asked and resumed her stroll down the street, Peter had to jog a little to keep up.

“Something expensive and beautiful,” He quoted Tony, like an idiot, because he honestly had no idea what that meant.

“That’s oddly specific and somehow not helpful at all.” She lifted an eyebrow and looked around the busy street. “How expensive are we talking about?”

“I’m not sure. Very?” He answered nervously, and, yet again, she looked looked like she wanted to rip the truth out of him, but she also knew that was not the way to go with him.  

“How much did this guy give you?”

“Um. for – five thousand dollars.” He stuttered. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the actual amount, because it sounded absolutely insane and she would worry unnecessarily.

“Holy shit!? Fuck, why aren’t I doing porn?!” She screeched and Peter hurried to put his hands over her mouth, because at least three people turned around to look at them.

“Don’t even joke about that, you hear me? You have a bright future ahead of you, don’t fuck it up,” he told her seriously and she looked like she wanted to argue just for the sake of being annoying, but something in the way he looked at her must have made her realize he meant it.

“Chill, I’m joking.” She patted his shoulder and looked away. “So. Five thousand dollars? We can work with that.”

He was a little scared of the weird gleam in her eyes, but followed her anyway.

They spent the rest of the afternoon shopping, it was a lot of fun and he even got her a pair of shoes she kept staring longingly at. She was worried they would go over the budget because she wanted him to save some of the money, but he assured her he could afford it. They managed to put together a great outfit that he was very confident about and then called Ned to meet them for dinner in the evening.

Later, they took the subway home and, for a while, he felt like a normal 20-year-old guy – happy, weightless and just a little heartbroken, like everyone was bound to be at some point in life. He was going to be okay, he realized. That thought hit him like a punch in the face and it felt fucking awesome.

He rested his head on Ned’s shoulder with a sigh of relief, feeling the warmth of MJ’s hand on his thigh.

It was around midnight when he got home, which for him was still a little early, he had developed the terrible habit of going to bed well after two in the morning – he blamed Tony, but to be fair, many of his subscribers were mostly active around that time as well. He debated whether or not he should start working on Tony’s requests, he was a little tired from a long day of walking around carrying bags, but also surprisingly eager to show the older man what he got for him.

He took the Victoria’s Secret bag and displayed the new outfit on the bed. It was a simple, but beautiful lingerie set. What Peter loved most about it was the fabric – it was made of deep red satin, smooth and glossy, and it felt simply amazing on the skin.

He decided to try it on, just to make sure it fit properly.

The top was a delicate bralette, two little triangles only big enough to hide his nipples and a little bit of his pecs. It was the perfect size for him, it sat flush with his skin, no unflattering cup gaps. The panties were tiny, Peter wasn’t too sure about those back in the store, he was worried not everything would fit in it. It did, but just barely, but it actually worked in his favor, in his humble opinion. Lastly, he put on the garter belt, which was just a thin piece of fabric that went around his waist, with two straps that hung down to clasp onto two elastic bands that went around his thighs.

Since Tony said red and gold, he also put on a thick, golden choker, just to see how it would look.

Once he was dressed, he went to check in the mirror. He bit his lower lip, running his hand over the fabric that covered his chest. It felt really smooth, and the way it brushed against his nipples sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Tony’s hands on his body. They looked strong enough to hurt, but he imagined they would be gentle with him, as they traced a path from his collarbone to his neck, to wrap themselves around his throat – but not tight enough to choke him, just a promise.

He sighed, as if to check that he could still breath under the pressure, and slowly slid his hands down from his neck, brushing his hard nipples on their way down to the front of the panties – God, it was so smooth...

For some reason, he imagined Tony would be a gentle lover. Maybe it was the way he talked to him, always so charming, all sweetheart and baby, all praise and compliments. Maybe it was the way he never demanded anything, only asked nicely, all please and thank you.  

Tony wouldn’t ruin him, like he promised so many times in those last few weeks, he would fuck him long and slow, raspy voice whispering sweet praise in his ear, rough hands holding him down, hips snapping with each unrelenting thrust.

He bit his lips, knees buckling as he felt the front of the panties getting wet, while his leaking cock struggled to get free.

Well, then.

He grabbed his camera from the closet and positioned it on a tripod in front of the bed, just a few feet away, and programmed it to take pictures every five seconds. He sat on the bed, facing the camera, feet still on the floor, and just closed his eyes for a minute, letting a sigh escape his lips as the fantasy from before filled his mind again.

He spread his legs and his fingers reached down to the front of his panties again. His cock felt impossibly hard, straining against the delicate fabric, dark pink tip peeking out of over the top of the tiny underwear. He touched himself slowly, hips rocking lightly to match the pace of his own hand, as he listened to the clicks of the pictures being taken.

He had to force himself to stop, before he lost control, and moved to kneel on the bed, with his side facing the camera, and lowered his chest until it was touching the mattress, letting his back curve in a sinful arch, head turned to the side, staring right at the lens. At Tony. Imagining what he would do if he were there.

He sat back on his heels and turned his back to the camera, spreading his knees, each of his hands grabbing one ass cheek, pulling them apart, only a thin, barely there strip of fabric hiding his nakedness. He looked over his shoulder and waited for the camera to take at least a couple of pictures.

Next, he laid on his back, side facing the camera again, left hand rubbing one nipple over the silky fabric, as the right one reached down the front of the panties, to finally give himself some sort of relief. He let out an almost pained moan as he wrapped a hand around his cock, pumping it slowly, once, twice, but all that teasing was driving him a little insane.

He knew he should probably take a few more pictures, but he also knew wouldn’t last much longer.

He got off the bed and went to the dresser where he kept all of his “work stuff”. He grabbed a tube of lube and a vibrator that was neither too small, nor too big, it was a size Peter was comfortable with.

He switched the camera to video mode, pressed record and resumed his position on the bed, knees on the bed, holding his lower body up, and chest resting on the mattress. He squeezed a generous amount of lube onto his fingers, pushed the panties a little to the side and circled his hole gently, slowly, because that was how he imagined Tony would do it. Those big, rough hands would have grabbed him by the hips, put him in that exact position, before teasing him mercilessly.

He moaned quietly and closed his eyes, rubbing slow circles around his rim, pressing a little against his entrance, but not hard enough to breach it. He felt his cock pulsing, begging for attention, but he didn’t dare to touch it, not yet.

“Tony, please...” He whined, pushing his hips back against his own hand, he was so lost in his fantasy he almost forgot he didn’t need to beg. Almost. “I need you...”

Gently, he started pushing one finger inside, knuckle by knuckle, he was so aroused he barely felt the burn, just delicious pressure that made his eyes roll to the back of his head. He started fucking himself on his finger, feeling the muscles around it slowly make way.

“’Been thinking about you, Tony…” he rasped out, hips pushing back against his hand. “Can’t stop thinking ‘bout you...” When he felt loose enough, he pushed another finger inside, the stretch becoming a little more noticeable as he slowly scissored himself open. He got on all fours and turned his back to the camera to give Tony a better view, all spread out for him, and kept fucking himself, picking up the pace once just those two fingers weren’t enough. “Fuck, daddy, need you so bad...”

He eased the fingers out of himself, sighing at the loss, and reached for the vibrator that was sitting on the bed and turned to face the camera again. He knelt on the bed and, with one hand, he propped the vibrator up on the mattress, holding it down from behind him, as with the other hand he guided its tip to his already abused hole.

He flicked the switch and it vibrated to life, nudging against his hole before finally slipping in. Peter’s breath hitched at the intrusion, feeling the delicious burn on his lower back, as he moved his hips up and down slowly, trying to push more of it inside with each painful thrust.

“Fuck me, Tony,” he begged, as his free hand finally reached for his neglected cock, pumping it hard and fast, matching the maddening pace his hips set. He lost all sense of rhythm when he felt the tip of the vibrator finally – finally – reach his prostate and he pushed it even further in, until the pressure against the bundle of nerves became too much and he exploded in one of the best orgasms he had had in a long, long time. “Oh, f-fuck!” His vision went dark for a second as he let himself fall back on the bed, wasted.

He spent almost ten minutes just lying there, trying to catch his breath and regain consciousness. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like that, he was boneless, floaty, completely satisfied. It was honestly the best he felt in months.

When his legs stopped shaking, he got up and headed straight to the shower, still feeling a little dizzy and weak, but he wasn’t complaining.

Once he was finished, he debated whether he should just go to bed or send Tony what he had, but with the way he was feeling, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep so easily. So decided to send at least the pictures right away, even though it was nearing 3AM. Peter knew Tony was probably up, the man did say that he was an insomniac and that he sometimes went days without any real sleep, so it wasn’t a surprise when he answered just a few minutes after Peter sent them.

“Holy fuck, Peter!!” Peter bit his lower lip, burying his face in the pillow to hide his blush, even though he was alone in his room.“What the fuck, baby, it’s three in the morning, are you trying to fucking kill me?!”

“So you like them?” He asked with feigned innocence.

“I fucking love them, you little tease, these are hands down my favorites yet. I swear I’m gonna have them framed and hung in my workshop and I’ll spend the rest of my fucking days just writing odes to you.” Peter giggled into the pillow, turning on his side to get more comfortable on the bed.

“I bet you say that to all the boys.” He joked lightly, blushing again, which was stupid, but he couldn’t help it.

“Fuck no! You’re something else, kitten, and you don’t even know it.” Peter suppressed a smile, biting his lower lip.

“Are you touching yourself right now, daddy?”

“To be honest, I’m so fucking hard I think I’m gonna come instantly if I even brush my fingers on my cock. I’m literally just staring at the pictures right now and worrying I’m gonna come untouched just from that.” Peter laid on his stomach and bit the pillow, gently rocking his hips against the bed.

“That’s so hot. Can I see it?”

Seconds later, there was a video in the chat. He played it immediately and, sure enough, Tony wasn’t kidding. His cock was rock hard, throbbing, the head was an angry purple, already glistening with pre-cum. Tony was just holding it at the base, not daring to touch it, and the whole thing almost made Peter hard again, but he was really exhausted.

“Fuck, daddy, I really wish I could help you with that.”

“Oh, you don’t even know what I wish.”

Tony didn’t say anything for a few minutes and Peter figured he had gone to sleep, but then his phone beeped, alerting him to another message from him. It was, of course, a picture of Tony’s spent cock, resting against his belly, which was covered in come, so much of it Peter’s mouth watered.

“Was it good, daddy?”

“The best, sweetheart. Thank you. I’m gonna sleep like a baby today.” Peter chuckled. Tony always said that was high praise coming from someone who hardly ever slept and the younger man took his word for it.

“Goodnight, Tony. Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Looking forward to it, Pete.”

He knew he was fucked the second he tried to suppress a small smile, but couldn’t.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Dark”

Welcome back, everyone! Can you believe it's been six weeks already? I can't. Something something the uncomfortable passage of time during a pandemic as emphasized by a web-series.

But we're here to talk about RWBY the fictional story, not RWBY the cultural icon. At least, we will in a moment. First, I'd like to acknowledge that shaky line between the two, growing blurrier with every volume. A sort of good news, bad news situation.

The bad news — to get that out of the way — is that we cannot easily separate RWBY from its authors and those authors have, sadly, been drawing a lot of negative attention as of late. This isn't anything new, not at all, but I think the unexpectedly long hiatus gave a lot of fans (myself included) the chance to think about Rooster Teeth's failings without getting distracted by their biggest and brightest production. There's a laundry list of problems here — everything from the behavior of voice actors to the quality of their merch — but as a sort of summary issue, I'd like to highlight the reviews that continue to pop up on websites like Glassdoor, detailing the toxic, sexist, crunch-obsessed environment that RT employees are forced to work in. A lot of these websites requires a login to read more than a page of reviews, but you can check out a Twitter thread about it here. 

Now, I want to be clear: I'm not bringing this up as a way to shame anyone enjoying RWBY. This isn't a simplistic claim of, "The authors are Problematic™ and therefore you can't like the stuff they produce." Nor is this meant to be a catch-all excuse for RWBY's problems. If it were, I'd have dropped these recaps years ago. I'm of the belief that audiences maintain the right to both praise and criticize the work they're given, regardless of the context in which that work was produced. At the end of the day, RT has presented RWBY as a finished product and, more than that, presents it as an excellent product, one worth both our emotional investment and our money (whether in the form of paying for a First account, or encouraging us to buy merch, attend cons, etc.) I'll continue to critique RWBY as needed, but I a) wanted fans to be at least peripherally aware of these issues and b) clarify that my use of "RT" in statements like, "I can't believe RT is screwing up this badly" is meant to be a broad, nebulas acknowledgement that someone in the company is screwing up, either creatively (doesn't have the skill to write a good scene) or morally (hasn't created an environment in which other creators are capable of crafting a good scene). The real, inner workings of such companies are mostly a secret to their audiences and thus it's near impossible for someone like me — random fan writing these for fun as a casual side hobby — to accurately point fingers. Hence, broad "RT." I just wanted to clarify that when I use this it's as a necessary placeholder for whoever is actually responsible, not a damnation of the overworked animator breaking down in a bathroom. Heavy stuff, but I thought it was necessary (or at least worthwhile) to acknowledge this issue as we head into the second half of the volume.

Now for the good news: RWBY has reached 100 episodes! For any who may not know, 100 is a pretty significant number in the TV world because, when talking about prime time programming, it guarantees syndicated reruns. Basically, networks don't want audiences to get burned out with a show — changing the channel when it comes on because ugh, I've seen this already, recently too — and 100 episodes allows for a roughly five month run without any repeats, making it very profitable. RWBY is obviously not a television show and doesn't benefit from any of this (hell, modern television doesn't benefit from this as much as it used to, not in the age of streaming), but the 100 episode threshold is still ingrained in American culture. Beyond just being a nice, rounded number, it is historically a measure of huge success and I can't imagine that RT isn't aware of that. Regardless of what we think of RWBY's current quality, this is one hell of a milestone and should be applauded.

All that being said... RWBY's quality is definitely still lacking lol.

Our 100th episode is titled "Dark" — keeping with the one word titles, then — and I'd like to emphasize that, as a 100th episode, it definitely delivers in terms of plot. There's plenty of action, important character beats, and at least one major reveal, everything we'd expect from a milestone and a Part II premiere. The animation also continues to be noteworthy for its beauty, as I found myself admiring many of the screenshots I took for this recap. There are certainly things to praise. The only problem (one we're all familiar with by now) is that these small successes are situated within a narrative that's otherwise falling apart. It's all good stuff... provided you ignore literally everything else surrounding it.

But let's dive into some examples. We open on Qrow starting, awoken by the thunder outside. Robyn has been watching him and makes a peppy comment about how none of them will be sleeping tonight, followed by a more serious, "Sounds bad out there." Yeah, it does sound bad, especially when they all know — thanks to Ruby's message back in Volume 7 — that this is due to Salem's arrival. I think a lot of the fandom has forgotten that little detail because people often discuss Qrow as if he is entirely ignorant of what is going on outside his cell. Even if we were to assume that he's forgotten all about the pesky Salem issue (the horror of Clover's death overriding everything else, perhaps) he still knows that Tyrian is running loose in a heat-less city with a creepy storm going on and, from his perspective, the Very Evil Ironwood is still running the show. So it's bad, which begs the question of why Qrow (and Robyn, for that matter) hasn't displayed an ounce of legitimate worry for everyone he knows out there. Thus far, their interactions have centered entirely around Qrow's misplaced blame and Robyn's terrible attempts to lighten the mood, despite the fact that a war is raging right beyond that wall. It's another example of RWBY's inability to manage tone properly, to say nothing of balancing the multiple concerns any one character should be trying to juggle. Just as it rankles that Ruby and Yang don't seem to care about what has happened to their uncle, Qrow likewise doesn't seem to care about what might be happening to his nieces. When did we reach a point where these relationships are so broken that someone can be arrested/chucked into a deadly battle and the others just... ignore that?

So Robyn's otherwise innocuous comment immediately reminds me of how badly the narrative has treated these conflicts and, sadly, things don't improve much from here. We are thankfully spared more of Robyn's jokes when Qrow realizes that what he's hearing can't be thunder. A second later, Cinder blasts through the wall — called it! — and Qrow instinctively transforms. 

The only downside to this moment is that the whole ceiling falls down on Qrow and the others because APPARENTLY these cells don't have tops on them. Seriously. As far as I can recall we don't see the stone breaking through the forcefield somehow and this looks pretty open to me.

If it is... you're telling me these crazy powerful fighters who practice landing strategies and leap tall buildings in a single bound —

— can't just hop over this mildly high electric fence to get out? Qrow can't just fly away?

We're, like, two minutes in, folks.

We transfer to Nora's perspective as she wakes up, seeing Klein giving her the IV. He tells her not to worry, that "you and your friend are going to be just fine." What friend? Penny? Klein went upstairs prior to Weiss hugging Whitley or Penny crash landing outside. I had thought them bursting through the door with another unconscious friend was the first time he learned what the big bang outside was, but apparently not.

Penny is, obviously, a mess. While I now understand the choice to make her blood such an eye-catching color when that's crucial to the Hound's hunt, I still think it looks strange visually. Like someone has taken a copy of RWBY and painted over it. It doesn't look like it fits the art style. More than that, it implies some rather complicated things about Penny's humanity, especially in a volume focused around her being a "real girl." Real enough for Maiden powers, but with obviously inhuman blood that isn't even referred to as "bleeding." Penny "leaks" instead.

Toss in the fact that she's literally an android who is made up of tech — recall the running gags about her being heavy, or it hurts to fist-bump her, to say nothing of keeping things like multiple blades inside her body — yet Klein says that her "basic anatomy" is the same and he can "stitch up that wound."

I'm sorry, what? Whatever Penny looks like on the inside, it's not going to resemble a human woman's anatomy, and Klein might be able to stitch the outer layer of skin she's got, but that won't do anything to fix whatever metal bits have been broken underneath. Penny isn't a human-robot hybrid, she's a robot with an aura. Penny has knives in her back, rockets in her feet, and a super computer behind her eyes. When our clip introduced that Klein would be the one to help Penny, my initial reaction was, "Seriously? He's a butler and a doctor and an engineer?" But RWBY didn't even try to get away with a Super Klein explanation, they just waved away Penny's very obvious, inhuman anatomy. Yeah, I'm sure "stitching up" an android wound is just like giving Nora her IV. I hope the surgical sutures he used are extra strong!

In an effort to not entirely drag this episode, I do appreciate that Whitley is allowed an "ugh" moment about the non-blood covering his shirt without anyone calling him out on it. That felt like the sort of thing the show would usually try to make a character feel guilty about and I'm glad that, for once, he was just allowed to be frustrated without comment.

Then the power goes out and May calls, which raises questions about what state the CCTS is in and when scrolls are available to our protagonists vs. when they're not. But whatever. She's checking in because she just "saw another bombing run light up the Kingdom" and —

Wait. Bombing? Salem is bombing the city? I know we've seen explosions in the sky, but I'd always just attributed that to evil aesthetic. Why does this dialogue sound like it's from a World War II film and not a fantasy sci-fi show about literal monsters launching a ground attack?

May looks pretty against the sky though. I like her hair color against that purple.

I'm admittedly grasping at positives here because we finally return to her "You have to choose" ultimatum and — surprise! — May has pulled back completely. Ruby says that once they've helped Penny, "We'll...we'll do something!" which is once again her avoiding making a decision. Ruby still refuses to choose, instead falling back on generic, optimistic pep talks. They'll figure out how to stop Salem later. They'll think about the impact of telling the world later. They'll choose who to help later. Ruby keeps pushing these problems into the future where, she hopes, a perfect, magical solution will have appeared for her to latch onto. When that continues to not happen, others pressuring her to actually do something and stop waiting for perfection — Ironwood, Yang, May — she panics and continues stalling for time. Wait an episode and the narrative supports her in this.

Because initially May was forcing Ruby to decide. Now, May enables her desire to keep putting things off. "Don't beat yourself up, kid. At this point, I don't know how much is left to be done." That's the exact opposite of what May believed last episode, that there was still so much work and good to do for the people of Mantle. This is precisely what the show did with Yang and Ren's scenes too, having people call Ruby out... but then return to a message of, 'Don't worry, you're actually doing just fine' before Ruby is forced to actually change.

None of which even touches on May calling her "kid" in this moment. That continues to be a convenient way of absolving Ruby of any responsibility. When she wants to steal airships or Amity Tower, she's an adult everyone should listen to, the leader of this war. When the story wants to absolve her of previously mentioned flaws, she becomes a kid who shouldn't "beat herself up." I said years ago that RWBY couldn't continue to let the group be both children and adults simultaneously, yet here we are.

So that was a thoroughly disappointing scene. Ruby gets her moment to look sad and defeated, listing "the grimm, the crater, Nora, Penny" as problems she doesn't know how to solve. Note that 'Immortal witch attacking the city I've helped trap here' isn't included in that list. Ruby is still ignoring Salem herself and no one in the group is picking up where May left off, challenging her to do more than wring her hands over things others are already trying to take care of: Ironwood is fighting the grimm, May has gone off to help the crater, Klein is patching up Nora and Penny. Ruby, as one flawed individual, should not be expected to come up with a solution to everything, but she does need to stop acting like she can come up with a solution to everything when it matters most (office scene) and rejecting others' solutions when they ask for her help (Ironwood, May).

If it feels like I'm dragging the flawed, traumatized teenager too much, it's not in an effort to ignore those aspects of her identity. Rather, it's because she's also the licensed huntress who wrested control from a world leader and violently demanded she be put in charge of this battle. Ruby, by her own actions, is now responsible for dealing with these problems, or admitting she was wrong and letting others take the lead, without purposefully derailing their plans. She doesn't get to suddenly go, "I don't know," cry a little, and get sympathetic pats.

But of course that's precisely what happens, courtesy of Weiss.

During this whole scene I kept wondering why no one was celebrating Nora waking up, especially when Ruby outright mentions her. Have they just not noticed given all the Penny drama? Because Nora absolutely woke up.

Aaaand went back to sleep, I guess. What was the point of that POV shot? No worries though, she'll wake up again in a minute.

Willow arrives and announces that they can fix the power (and Penny) using the generator at the edge of the property. I'm convinced RT doesn't actually know what a generator is because the characters are acting like it's some super special device that only richy-rich could possibly have. Whitley says that it's the SDC executives who have their "own power supply" and that it's "extremely unfair." Now, don't get me wrong, a good generator powering large portions of your house can run you 30k+, but you can also get one that plugs into your extension cord and powers your fridge for a couple hundred. There's absolutely a class issue here, just not the one Whitley and Weiss seem to be commenting on. They make a generator sound like the sort of device that only a politician-CEO could possible have and it's weird.

Likely, it sounds weird because it's a choppy way of getting Whitley to bring up the wealth disparity so he can then go, 'That's right! We're crazy rich with a company housing tons of ships! We can use those to evacuate Mantle.' Awkwardness aside, I do like that the Schnee wealth is being used for good purposes, but... evacuate where? To the city currently under attack by a giant whale? In a RWBY that wasn't determined to demonize Ironwood, this would have been a great plot point during the office scene instead, with Weiss offering her services to Ironwood, even if the group decides that a continued evacuation still isn't possible.

Instead, we get it here from Whitley. Do I need to point out the obvious? That Whitley is the MVP of this episode? He's done more good in an HOUR than the group has managed in a year. Give this kid some training and make him a huntsmen instead.

We're given a (very pretty!) shot of the shattered moon because it wouldn't be RWBY if we weren't continually reminded that gods once wiped out humanity before destroying part of a celestial body... and absolutely no one talks about that lol.

Blake's coat might not make any sense for her color scheme, but it does make her easy to spot as she and Ruby run across the grounds. Oh my god, they're actually doing something together! It only took eight years. They even get a lovely talk where Blake admits how much she looks up to Ruby, despite her being younger, and once again I'm struck at how much more I would have loved this scene if it had appeared elsewhere in the series. It is, indeed, as sweet and emotional as all the RWBY GIF-ers are claiming... provided you overlook that this is the exact opposite of what Ruby needs to hear right now. She doesn't need to hear that she's more mature and reliable than her elders when she's functioning under a "We don't need adults" mentality. She doesn't need to hear that not knowing what to do is totally fine, not when that led to her turning on Ironwood, despite not knowing how to stop Salem. She doesn't need to hear that "doing something" — doing anything — is a strength, because Ruby keeps avoiding the big problems for smaller ones she's comfortable with, like standing by Penny's bedside instead of deciding between Mantle and Atlas. Blake's speech is heartfelt, but it's a speech that suits a Beacon days Ruby who is having some doubts about her leadership skills, not the girl whose impulsive — and now lack of — actions is having world-wide repercussions. Everyone is babying Ruby to a staggering degree. It's like if we had a med show where the doctor is standing by the bedside of a coding patient, fretting between two treatments. 'Don't worry,' their colleague says, patting their shoulder. 'I've always looked up to you. You'll do something when you're ready' and then they continue to watch the patient, you know, die.

Also: who does Ruby look up to? Everyone talks about how much they depend on and trust Ruby, but who does Ruby look to for guidance? A number of her problems stem from the fact that she has rejected the advice of everyone who has tried to help her improve: Qrow, Ozpin, Ironwood, even Yang. Ruby is presented as the pinnacle of what to strive for in a leader, rather than a leader who has only been doing this for two years and still has a great deal to learn.

Anyway, they get the generator on and the Hound shows up.

I am begging RT to just make RWBY a horror story. All their best scenes the last three years have been horror I am bEGGING —

Anyway, while Ruby waits to be eaten we cut to Willow and Klein, the former of which is reaching for her bottle, pulling back, reaching again, all while her hand shakes. This is good. This is what we should have gotten with Qrow. Which isn't to say that their (or anyone's) addiction should be identical, but rather that this is a far more engaging and complex look at addiction than what our birb got. Willow tells us that she doesn't drink in the dark despite bringing the bottle with her; tries to resist drinking when she's scared and ultimately fails. Qrow just decided to stop drinking after decades of addiction, seemingly for no reason, and that was that. Why is a side character we only met this volume written better than one of the main cast?

Blake manages to call Weiss about the Hound and she asks if Whitley can handle the airships without her. I mean, I assume so given that Weiss is looking at the bookshelves while Whitley does all the work lol. He makes a teasing comment about how he can if she can handle that grimm and she comments that they still need to work on his "attitude."

No they don't. Weiss stuck a weapon in her kid brother's face. Whitley made a joke. Even if Weiss' comment is likewise meant to be read as teasing, it's clear that we've bypassed any meaningful conversation between them. That hug was supposed to be a Fix Everything moment even though, as I've laid out elsewhere, it didn't even come close.

We cut back to Ruby getting thrown through a wall into the backyard and the Hound creepily coming after her. She's freaked out by this clearly abnormal grimm and Blake is weirdly... not? "It's just a grimm. Just focus!" Uh, it's obviously not. Have we reached the traumatized, sleep-deprived point where the group is sinking into full-blown denial? I wouldn't be surprised. They've been awake for like... 40+ hours.

Because the Hound knocks Ruby out with a single hit. Just, bam, she's down. "Focusing" is not the solution here.

Weiss calls to warn the others about the grimm, telling them to stick together. Willow (understandably) starts freaking out and flees the room (classic horror trope!). Klein is left alone when Penny wakes up with red eyes. Oh no!

Don't worry. You know nothing meaningful happens.

She shoves Klein before (somehow?) resisting the hack, her Maiden powers going wild in the process. Just when it looks as if Penny might cause some serious damage, Nora wakes up, takes her hand, and says, I kid you not:

"Hey... no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do... It's just a part of you. Don't forget about the rest."

Okay. I want to re-emphasize that I love hopeful, uplifting, victory-won-through-the-power-of-love stories. Istg I'm not dead inside, it's just that RWBY does this so badly. I mean, what is this? It has similarities to the character shouting, 'No! Resist!' to their mind-controlled ally, but this is not presented as a desperate, last-ditch effort by Nora. She just speaks like this is the most obvious truth in the world. If you don't want to have your mind taken over... just don't! It's that simple. The problem definitely isn't that Watts has changed her coding and has implemented a command she can't override, it's that Penny has forgotten about the "rest" of her personhood.

And this works. Granted, not for long, but we leave Nora having successfully calmed Penny down and until her eyes unexpectedly go red again scenes later, we're left assuming that this is a permanent solution. That, imo anyway, is taking the Power of Love too far, overriding the basic reality of Penny being hacked. It’s not a personal failing she must overcome, it’s an external attack. I would have rather had Nora react to the scars she saw on her arm, or have a moment with Klein, or get some love from the group. Not a wakes up, falls asleep, wakes up again to save Penny with a Ruby level 'Just ignore reality' pep-talk, then back to sleep again.

So Penny isn't attacking her allies, or mistakenly hurting her allies with wild Maiden powers. Not that the group doesn't have enough to deal with, but still. Weiss arrives to help with the Hound and attempts a new summon, only to fail when two minor grimm burrow up into her glyphs. I really enjoyed that moment, both for the wing visual and the knowledge that Weiss' glyphs can fail if you break them somehow (which makes sense). Also, I just like that she failed in general? Weiss is, as per usual now, about to demonstrate just how OP she is compared to the rest of the team, so it was nice to see her faltering here.

The Hound tries to make off with Ruby and Blake does an excellent job of keeping it tethered. Ruby finally wakes, only to realize that the grimm is actually after Penny since it's staring at her power up through the window, no longer trying to escape. Moments like this remind me that there's someone on RT's writing team that knows what they're doing, at least some of the time. The assumption that the Hound is after Ruby as a SEW, the surprise that it's actually Penny, realizing it holds up because Ruby is covered in Penny's blood and Blake is not... that's all nice, tight plotting. More of that please!

The Hound drops her and Ruby's aura shatters when she hits the ground. I want everyone to remember this moment as an example of how strong the Hound is. The group may be tired, but unlike YJR they've been sitting around in the Schnee manor for a number of hours, regaining strength. We saw the Hound hit Ruby twice — once through the wall and once to knock her out — and then she falls from a not very high distance for a huntress, yet her aura is toast. That's the level of power and skill the Hound possesses. Decimating YJR, knocking Oscar out, same for Ruby, avoiding Blake and Weiss' hits, soon to treat Penny like a ragdoll. Just remember all this for the episode's end.

Blake tells Weiss she'll take care of Ruby, you go help the others. Yay breaking up the duos more! Bad timing though as the new acid-spitting grimm pops out of the ground and Blake is now left alone to face it.

Weiss re-enters the mansion, knowing the Hound is somewhere nearby, but not where. Suddenly, Willow's voice sounds through her scroll with an, "Above you!" which... doesn't keep Weiss from getting hit lol. But it's the thought that counts! Willow has accessed the cameras she's set up throughout the manor, watching the Hound's movements, and I have to say, that is a WAY better use of her separation from Klein than I thought we were getting. I legit thought they'd have Willow run away in a panic, meet the Hound, die, and then Weiss could be sad about losing her mom.

It does say something about RWBY's writing that this was my knee-jerk theory, as well as my surprise when we got something way better.

The Hound runs off, uninterested in Weiss, and she asks Willow to keep tabs on it. It heads for Whitley next (also covered in Penny's blood) and very creepily stalks him in the office with a, "I know you're here." Whitley is seconds away from being Hound chow before one of Weiss' boars pin it against the wall. He runs, then runs BACK to finish deploying the airships, before finally escaping assumed death. Goddamn this boy is pulling his weight.

I assume all these ships are automated then? I hope someone takes a moment to call May. Otherwise it's going to be super weird for the Mantle citizens if a fleet of SDC ships just show up and hover there...

I don't entirely understand how Weiss saved him though. She's nowhere to be seen when Whitley leaves and he runs a fair distance before he and Willow encounter Weiss again. We know her summons don't have to keep right next to her, but are they capable of rudimentary thought, attacking an enemy — and an enemy only — despite Weiss being a couple corridors down and unable to see the current battlefield? I don't know. In another series I'd theorize that this was a deliberate hint, a way to clue us into the fact that Willow, someone who we currently know almost nothing about, had training in the past and summoned the boar herself. Weiss and Winter certainly didn't get that hereditary skill from Jacques. Hell, we might still get that, Weiss reacting with confusion next episode when Whitley thanks her for the boar, but I doubt it. That scene with Ruby and the Hound aside, the show isn't this good at laying groundwork and then following up on it.

Case in point: Weiss says, "I didn't forget you" to Whitley after he gets away from the Hound, the moment trying to harken back to her promise to Willow. Key word is "trying." Because she absolutely forgot him! Weiss threatened and ignored Whitley until he proved his usefulness. I also shouldn't need to point out that, "Don't forget your brother" does not mean, "Don't let your brother die a horrible death by abnormal grimm." Weiss acts like her saving him is a fulfillment of her promise, rather than just the most basic of human decency. And also, you know, her job.

So that part is frustrating. The entire Schnee dynamic is a mess, from Weiss making a joke of her father's arrest, to Willow (presumably) fixing their relationship by putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder. Okay.

Then Weiss cuts off the Hound by summoning a giant wall of ice. My brain, every time this happens:

YOU COULD HAVE FIXED THE HOLE IN MANTLE'S WALL.

Moving on, Blake's fight against the acid... thing has some great choreography, including Blake using her semblance which we haven't seen in AGES. 

I really like the fight itself, just not what Blake is shouting the whole time. "I need you, Ruby! We all need you!" This has really gotten ridiculous. Ruby is presented as everyone's sole savior despite failing time and time again. It's not that I don't think Blake as a character should have faith in her leader, it's that I don't think the writers should be crafting a story where everyone puts their unshakable hopes in an untrained, disloyal, impulsive 17 year old. I mean, Ruby is currently unconscious, yet Blake is acting like if she doesn't wake up — she, as an individual, if Ruby Rose does not re-join this fight — then all is lost. If Ruby doesn't save them, no one can. Which is, of course, absurd on numerous levels. Blake doesn't need the passed out, aura-less Ruby right now, she needs the still very healthy Weiss pulling out multiple summons and an ice wall! Use your scroll and call for backup again.

But of course, Ruby wakes up and kills the new, terrifying grimm with a single hit. It's a preview of what's to come with the Hound and it's just as ridiculous here as it will be there.

Speaking of the Hound, am I the only one who thought this was... cute?

I can't possibly be the only one. That head-tilt is exactly what my dogs do and my brain instinctively went, "Aww, puppy!"

Murderous puppy.

The Hound realizes none of the Schnees are who it's looking for and runs off. Penny, meanwhile, has been fully taken over because, well, that's just what's convenient now. She resists long enough keep Amity up, then succumbs, then resists to apologize to Ruby, then succumbs, then resists because Nora asked her to, then succumbs once it's time to knock her out. If RWBY was willing to commit to consequences, Penny would have been taken over and that was that. The characters would need to deal with whatever outcome happens as a result. Instead, the show very carefully avoids any of those pesky consequences by having Penny successfully resisting at key moments, despite no explanation of how she's managing that.

She shoves Klein again (Klein is having a Bad Time) and starts walking down the main steps. When Whitley wants to know where the hell she's going, Penny mechanically responds that she must "Open the vault, then self-destruct." I suppose the change Watts made was the self-destruct order? Ironwood obviously wants the vault open, though not necessarily Penny's death. Think what you will of his moral compass, she's a damn powerful ally — a research project, perhaps — and a Maiden to boot. At the very least, her death may give the powers to someone even worse.

God, please don't let them have brought Penny back and made her a Maiden just to kill her again.

The Hound arrives though and, as said, knocks Penny out. We're back to square one with her, then. Note though that this attack is near instantaneous. She grabs its hands one second, is hanging limply the next. Wow, the Hound sure is a terrifying antagonist!

Not for long.

"That's enough," Ruby says and one-shots it with her eyes.

Now, I want to talk for a moment about the implications of that line. "That's enough." Obviously Ruby is #done with this situation and emotionally unwilling to let the Hound kidnap Penny (congratulations, Nuts and Dolts shippers), but there's a meta reading here as well. Not intentional, but glaring to me nonetheless. Basically, the idea that the Hound has, from a plot perspective, done enough. It has served its singular purpose. It kidnapped Oscar and now it dies. Never-mind how insanely powerful we've established the Hound to be, never-mind how Ruby's eyes also work or don't work according to whether anything of actual import is on the line. From a plot perspective "that's enough" and the Hound can be disposed of instantly. It got Oscar and gave us an episode of filler creepiness. Move along now.

The idea behind Ruby's eyes isn't bad, but the execution absolutely is. RT has undermined a huge portion of the stakes by giving their protagonist an instant kill-shot that always works precisely when she needs it to. Starting with the Apathy, we have yet to get a moment where Ruby's eyes fail to save the day when she really needs them to, no matter how incredible the challenge. The Hound was very intentionally written to be a grimm outside of the group's current power level. It thinks, it talks, they literally can't touch it. This creates the expectation that the group will need to grow stronger — or at least become smarter — in order to surmount this new obstacle, yet Ruby's eyes undermine all of that. The group hasn't grown in years, the show just makes enemies weaker as needed (Ace Ops), or has Ruby pull out her eyes as a trump card. It wouldn't be that bad if we'd at least gotten a good battle out of it, one where the group gets close to defeating the Hound on their own, but needs Ruby's eyes to finish it off. Instead, she literally walks up without any aura, announces to the audience that this antagonist's time is up, and blasts it out a window.

Granted, Ruby's eyes don't completely finish it. The Hound pulls itself to its feet and we see this.

Yup, that's a guy and yup, those are silver eyes.

I would like to issue a formal apology to the "It's secretly Summer!" theorists in the fandom. I mean, I still think it would be ridiculous (and at this point highly improbable) that Ruby's dead mother has actually been a grimm mutant this whole time, just hanging out in Salem's realm while she waits for the plot to start before attacking the world, and then sends some no-name faunus dude after the group instead of their leader's mother for extra, emotional torture... but you all were definitely right about the “It's a person” part! I... don't know how I feel about this. Admittedly, it seems to be a logical continuation of the other grimm-human hybrids we've seen — namely Cinder and Salem herself — and it finally explains why Salem wants Ruby alive (even though it actually doesn't because WHY did she want more SEWs for Hound grimm when she wasn't even attacking back then? And already has all these other insanely powerful tools??), but at the same time, it feels like it's complicating a story that doesn't need further complications. The group fights monsters and has an immortal enemy. You don't need to add 'Some of those monsters are secretly human' to the mix.

It doesn't hurt that this twist is giving me Attack on Titan vibes, which, ew. A dark time in my fandom life, folks.

The Hound staggers a few steps before Whitley and Willow dump a suit of armor on it. That's all it takes to kill the most dangerous grimm we've ever seen: a single flash of silver eyes and some heavy metal. This also wreaks havoc with the implication that Salem wants SEWs alive because they create such powerful grimm. Obviously not. I mean yeah, normal huntsmen are going to have serious  problems, we’ve seen that this volume, but any other SEWs nearby will take a Hound out instantaneously. For a villain with so many other powerful abilities — immortality, magic, endless normal grimm, her nifty soup — Salem would be much better served just killing SEWs straight out. Clearly, creating Hounds isn't worth the effort.

The Hound leaves some bones behind and Ruby collapses to her knees, overcome with the knowledge that this was once a person. Again, uncomfortable Attack on Titan parallels.

We finish our premiere with Cinder clearing away rubble to reveal Watts. Honestly, I like that we ended on this because her rescue is hilarious. She just slings him over her shoulders like a sack of potatoes and blasts off with her magic fire feet. Fantastic.

Note though that with this scene we've seen almost everything from the clip and the trailer. What's to come in the rest of Volume 8? No idea. Outside of Winter leading the charge with the bomb, we got it all here.

Time to update the bingo board!

I'm crossing off "Introducing new grimm that are quickly abandoned." Between the Hound and acid-dude both falling to a single blast/cut from Ruby, we've more than earned this square.

It doesn't look as if we'll get another Watts-Jacques team-up now that he's left, but you never know.

Maria's got me worried. I feel like her Yoda fight against Neo is the one thing she'll be allowed to do this volume, but given that we didn't see anyone except Ruby's group this episode, we don't yet know whether the story is now ignoring her and Pietro, or if they'll re-appear in another episode like YJR.  

Qrow is free. Will he get a drink before trying to murder Ironwood? Perhaps.

Still no bingo :(

All in all, the episode was by no means horrible. I think there were lots of horrible parts, but also some legitimately well executed moments, fun action, and scenes that I can easily imagine as squee worthy if you lean back and squint. Everything is comparative and in the growing collection of bad RWBY episodes, this one isn't securing a top slot. Which doesn't mean I think it's good, just... not as bad as it could have been and primarily only bad due to long-running problems, not things this specific episode has done. That's my bar then, so low it has officially entered the underworld.

Still, RWBY is back and a part of me is eager to see where this volume takes us, for better or for worse.

Until next week! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[du0tine]

well, fuck.

this isn’t great. frankly its horrible.

it’s never fun being suspended so high in the air with the harsh winds blowing roughly in your direction forcing you to seek shelter against the icy and snowy mixture of rock that sits atop the towering mountain.

to be honest, had it been any other day this would’ve been thrilling. being up here in harsh conditions, struggling to hold on and testing my mental and physical capabilities would’ve been so much fucking fun.

but there are days where you just imagine the rope that holds you up so high, snapping and slicing against a sharp piece of rock as you plummet to your death. the sky is the last thing you see, the butterflies in your stomach going mad from the sudden drop and you can’t help but think, “im going to die.”

most people, in this case: climbers that is, don’t want to die. they understand the risks, they know that given what they do things are bound to happen and im someone who understands that concept very well. but some of us are just so desensitized to the point that death feels like nothing, we’re used to losing team mates, friends and lovers. i just didn’t understand why i wanted for it to happen to me so much.

climbing is a large part of my life amongst other things; friends, family and other significant factors. all pieces both large and small that factor into what i call my life, something that i can’t help but be grateful for. but sometimes i realize life is fleeting. i realize just how short it is and sometimes i realize that, you know what? im okay with dying. whether it be today, tomorrow or the day after, i understand that death is inevitable and sometimes i just yearn for it to happen a little faster.

it often comes and goes, starting with tears and ending with cold, blank and rather monotone eyes gazing into the emptiness. i don’t know what it feels like exactly, the physicality is easy to understand but when i have to put into words its too hard. but it feel freezing cold, isolation hurts, solitude is pain. im all alone with nothing and no one and in fact, i do think im alone despite everything.

i just know im alone.

i have so many people in my life but it’s hard for me to understand why they’re here, it becomes difficult for me to keep them in my life. i find it hard to continue to speak with lifelong friends, keep in touch with cousins and other family. my parents and siblings (my brothers only being 3 & 5) being the only people i can speak to without feeling so choked up.

i speak to people ive met here (tumblr) but it never goes past a few conversations that occur from time to time and to those i do talk consistently with i can’t help but feel like i annoy. sometimes people reach out to me for advice, for guidance and of course, i aid them. it only pains me a little to never be asked if im okay in return but whatever right? as long as the people are happy, then im happy.

here in nepal, it’s been nice. people are nice. the way of life is one that no one takes for granted and it makes me feel out of place, like a spoiled brat who just yearns so much to escape but i try my best to just take a deep breath and indulge. the buddhist culture here makes me understand the ways of life, living alongside other climbers and watching sherpas dance to the tune of death, twisting around and just barely sneaking past almost every time.

despite how beautiful it is with the towering peaks, glaciers and fields of luscious green grass. death holds a strong presence here, one that’s covered by the tourism and clusters of climbers. but one that’s never ignored, everything being worshipped. pooja ceremonies being held for safe journeys and honouring the beautiful land, the mother of it all with offerings. mother nature is honoured and yet, she still plucks us one by one.

last year on my winter expedition i met a boy, well a man. someone who was 12 years older than me, someone i grew to have feelings for that in fact were reciprocated. despite seeming inappropriate, it was all consensual, it was positive and perfect. there was no dirty intention behind it and despite the large age gap it quickly flourished into a sweet, relationship but i found myself growing distant.

we were both sponsored by the same company which is how we met, the both of us being skiers and climbers. people who understood the dangers of venturing out into the wild, knowing what it meant to leave it all behind and pursue your wildest dreams.

he was perfect for me and yet, i broke up with him while living in nepal. i didn’t know why i did at first and it took me a lot of thinking. a lot of time being alone and realizing that throughout my whole life id been accustomed to supporting myself, knowing that there was no one else for me but me. perhaps it was the mixture of dreadful trauma id faced when i was younger, things i never told anyone, things that i only now realize just how bad they were.

regardless, the past is the past and i know i can’t let it hold me down and yet it’s just so hard to keep living when you know just how gravely you’ve been damaged. but i always tell myself that there’s someone out there who’s got it worse, someone who hasn’t stopped suffering from the day they’ve been brought into this world and until this very day.

like them i also wander the earth and yet i have an advantage, one that i should never take for granted and that being that everything that had happened, is over. i shouldn’t let it bring me down and ruin all the good things i have now.

so anyways, what lead to me ultimately breaking down was when i found myself like i mentioned before climbing upwards, fifteen pitches ahead in the air with my team around me. belayed upwards as i find myself freezing momentarily when the snow from above comes falling down, raining down on me as the wind whips me in the face.

it felt so cold, i couldn’t help but press my forehead against the wall and look downwards at my dangling feet. my hands were numb, my ice pick wedged into the snow and ice, my toes just barely warm. i just found myself observing how far away the ground was from where i hung. the distance from where i spiralled about to the ground was like how disconnected i felt from the earth. physically i am here but mentally im lost. where am i? i don’t know, maybe ill know someday? but what if i just don’t try anymore and let it all go, the place im in isn’t a bad place to die in fact, it’s beautiful.

but i can’t let myself plummet to the ground in front of people i know, i can’t traumatize them. i can’t be selfish and hurt others, id already done it once and that was to the man i loved.

pushing forwards we finished climbing, taking in the air at the top and looking down at everything. feeling like we were in fact on top of the world when really this was only one of the peaks we decided to acclimatize to in preparation for the everest/lhotse push that would happen in the next two months.

the feeling was the same as always, a feeling of satisfaction. you feel unstoppable at the top of the mountain, like there’s nothing and no one in your path and yet for the first time i felt anxious.

i felt like i was going to throw up. it didn’t feel great to be up here, i didn’t know why at that moment but when we began rappelling downwards i couldn’t help but think about how cold hearted i was for breaking up with him. there was no reason for me to do so and yet, i just did. it wasn’t right and it took me sometime to realize why. i needed to make sure i could at least put in the effort to do something.

the trek back to base camp was agonizing. i felt like i couldn’t breath properly, falling out of tune with my surroundings and just marching forwards. my team looking like blobs of colourful parkas. silently i felt myself weeping and just feeling like shit. i hated this.

it was embarrassing, i always made sure to peel myself apart and cry when there was no one around and yet here i was crying with people i knew and got to know around me. one of my leaders, who was a single mom that was a total badass in the mountains and one of the best ski mountaineer ive met (she’s also my team lead) spotted me falling apart and staggered behind to talk things out with me and i began to find comfort in consolidating in someone.

this was something i never even did with my own mother. this was the first time i looked for guidance in someone who’d lived longer than me and understood how grief, sadness and just a clusterfuck of emotions works.

with every step i took i slowly pieced the answers i needed for my puzzle piece and now here i am sitting inside my tent typing this foolish rant. my fingers lingering over the call button of the contact id for my ex boyfriend.

i think ill call him and apologize.

it’ll be a good first step.

update: things have been solved (relationship wise) but i don’t feel too good mentally nor physically. unfortunately, i received heartbreaking news that my bestfriend passed away and i feel lost. i don’t know what’s going on, what’s going to happen and i just feel guilty and pathetic. despite that comment, the less people see this the better, it’s not good energy and it’s just negatively going to affect others but i can’t dip without an explanation.

things are on a queue.

[02kt]

so heres the breakdown after a week and some change... i now have 12 characters; 9 excluding freebies, and almost all of them are ascended

kokomi: i dont really use water characters unless im in the abyss trying to freeze enemies. shes cute but kind of slow and i already hate catalyst users by default but shes alright. also i wanted her from the event but reflecting i shouldve wished for xingqiu because hes a sword style. anyways, goldfish girl

sayu: i got her the other day... another anemo/wind character, which im fine with. shes fun enough to play with and i like her personality. her attacks are fast and i like her special move too. didnt expect to like her but i do.

rosaria: my would-be main if jean wasn't so all around fucking great. she is my everything!!!! i love her attack style, weapon, elemental bursts, characterization, storyline... i could go on for fucking hours, pls stop me. i will commit sins for this woman. this pixel woman. so blessed to have rolled her

jean: oh look my main. my first main at that! also my first five star i rolled with no effort whatsoever. what do i have to say, acting grand master just fucks ok? shes my go-to for climbing, running, and fanning out my elemental attacks. shes extremely fun and a staple character imo!

sucrose: i hate you. i hate you so fucking much. being a catalyst was enough but this bitch is so fucking useless... ive actually watched genshin players before say that shes a venti equivalent or better than him... i have no fucking comment. she does nothing, she dies everytime i pull her out, maybe i just dont know how to play with catalyst characters but she just sucks all of the fun out of fighting enemies for me. i hate you, please delete yourself <3

noelle: i would have created a similar rant for noelle before having played with her some more today. shes extremely helpful in the liyue region at least. everything geo, i go to this girl for. i feel guilty when i dont use her there since she breaks everything so easily and fights decently. i have a big four and it shows. anyways shes been very helpful so i wont say anything too bad about her. she is a little slow though whereas i enjoy more fast paced attacks and overall speedy characters

beidou: ah, my eyepatched queen. at first i didnt like her playstyle when i tried her out for the event but she grew to be a favorite go to. i have rolled 3 beidous by now in my career. highly unrecommended but at least i get to make progress on her constellation. (no xingqiu, i cry) nevertheless, i totally enjoy eletro characters so i feel very blessed to have her on board and paired with my beautiful one and only rosaria

xiangling: i have a very soft spot for her character wise. her story was entirely endearing and i think of her everytime i go to liyue to buy from her father. i was extremely excited to get my hands on a new pyro character as amber with her bow can be pretty limited as fighting goes. her attacks are swift and beautiful. i also enjoy goubas addition to the team. throughly a nice character, part of my big 4

barbara: youre entitled to love barbara if you love jean/rosaria. which i do love both entirely. so, yes. i REALLLYYYYY love her despite her catalyst weapon. her healing abilities make up for a majority of my hatred for catalyst characters. also i just believe that her hydro quality is very helpful when necessary. i would easily put her above kokomi.

lisa: love/hate relationship. i love her in the story with jean and her librarian whimsy but character-playability wise... i dont use her very often no, but when i do shes pretty fun. still i have my grief with catalystic characters. she dies too quickly but ive recently learned how to combine elements (i dont read the fucking instructions im sorry) anyways shes fine i guess but i can quickly say i hate her instead

kaeya: oh my pretty boy. pretty icy boy. if you knew how many times i have killed him during commissions, quest missions, the abyss... you would never let me main him ever again. i DO keep him out of my 4 BECAUSE of this. unless hes paired with rosaria, im fucking hopeless playing with him in hopes of doing cryo damage. its not like i dont like him!!! I FUCJING LOVE KAYEA ANSHHSJDJFJFJ ... but um yea i dont exactly know how to play with him so hes just my baby boy i keep stored away

amber: you are the one to hate! but i do not entirely hate you. i love your characterization, your design, BOBA????? pls, ok im sorry i dont hate her. shes my girl. i get excited everytime she pops up in the story. her bow attacks suck but at least shes useful for killing animals. i kill lots of birds with her. fowls are hard to come by ok??? anyways i love her even if i dont totally use her in battles

also the last character i got was sayu/xiangling 3 days ago so thats fun... (im stuck and i cant get another character, girl help)

[zinnia-the-rabbit]

    Bakudeku oneshot: "I'll love you for a thousand years." "And I'll love you for a thousand more"

Uh,idk what this au is called.. probably soulmate au???? Idk,man. I found the concept on twitter and I needed to write about it.

Pretty long story because I'm so invested in this au. It makes me happy and sad and i love it so much. I hope you guys do to!

💮Fluff💮

🔞 smutty implications🔞, but nothing actually happens.

Sad ending, trust me. I teared up,and I'm the one writing it. I had it all planned out and I still wasn't ready. So, good luck.

Summary: The gods cursed our little wonder duo. They are soulmates,but in every lifetime that they find each other, the gods separates them. Basically-

Enjoy!!!!

🧡💚🧡💚🧡💚🧡💚🧡💚🧡💚🧡💚🧡💚

Third person bc I wasn't bothered to write in first person today)

    No matter how many times they've met, they are always taken from each other,no matter what. They always fell in love, and it always pained them when they were forced apart.

    The first time it happened was thousands of years ago, back when dragons roamed and knights saved princesses from the evil clutches of their wicked mother.

    A time when fairies and nymphs danced around deep in the forest,hidden away from the unforgiving eyes of the humans who wanted nothing more then to captures and sell them for profit.

    This, is where we meet our our beloved boys.

    Katsuki had stolen from a mighty god's shrine, taking some of the offerings to give as his own to a certain little witch, wishing to finally win the greenette over.

    He never believed in the gods. No,they were just stories made to scare children straight. Make sure they followed all the rules to a 'T'.

    Well,not Katsuki.

    He thought of himself as a god, really. Tall, strong,fierce  red eyes that could kill a bear with a single,deadly gaze that was as sharp as a dagger. He was the perfect picture of godly.

    "If you don't get off your high horse and show our gods some respect,they will surely smite you!" ,His mother would scold him, smacking the side of his head with a bruising force.

    He would only scoff in annoyance, and go about his way.

    Silly,silly little Katsuki..he didn't know the gods were watching,and were most certainly unpleased with his disrespectful behavior.

    Katsuki stepped over yet another large root that descended out of the mossy,wet earth below his feet. He kept his bag of offerings slung over his shoulder, grip tight just in case some fairies tried to steal the bag. The little sparkly pests.

    He had grabbed anything he could without getting caught; rich herbs good for creating spells, jewelery lined the only the most expensive stones, rubies,perls, diamonds, emeralds.

    He took several of the finest cloaks he could find. Some velvet and lined lined with the fluffy coat of a grey wolf. Some silk with flowers beautifully sewn into the comforting fabric.

    He had a smaller bag attached to his belt, just next to the sheath in which his sword was placed neatly and securely.

    This bag was filled with food, sweet things for the smaller,green haired male. Honey buns, cinnamon rolls, many, many handfuls of green tea mochi that he knew the witch loved more then life itself. He grabbed moon pies, macaroons, super cubes, and a couple of regular little meat buns.bHe even made sure to get at least two or three of those adorable little tudor cheesecakes.

    Did I mention this man was head over heels for our little Izuku?

    He was soon standing in front of a small cottage, smiling as he could see little puffs of grey and white smoke erupting from the chimney.

    The witch was home.

    Good.

    He walked up to the old mahogany door and knocked firmly, yet gentle,in a way.

    This cottage was old, you could tell from miles away. Long winding vines overtook an entire wall, and,in the spring, would bloom with small flowers.There were sprouts of plants peeking their way through the small cracks in the roof,and he had half a nerve to climb up and pull them out. But, Izu liked them,so he wouldn't. It's not like the roof leaked anyway, which amazed him, really.

    Some of the stones that made up the comforting little home were chipped,and others had chunks missing from the years spent unprotected from mother nature's rath. He still loved it all, though. This was like his second home.

    The door slowly creeked open and a head full of green, unruly culrs poked its way out of the safety of the home, big emerald eyes meeting Katsuki's ruby ones.

    "Kacchan!", The little witch smiled, swinging the door open and running into the taller males arms.

    "Hey,there my darling little spell caster. I brought you some things.", Katsuki hummed, smiling warmly.

    Izuku pulled away, looking at him sceptically.

    "Are you still trying to court me?", He asked leading the man inside.

    He was very much aware that the blond liked him, and he felt the same..he just wanted to tease and reject him just to get on his nerves.

    It was a fun little game they liked to play...Cat and mouse,if you will.

    The blond just chuckled, pulling the door closed.

    He could tell the little witch had been busy before he had arrived. His large black cauldron was hanging over a live fire and filled with a purplish blue liquid that was bubbling quietly.

    It smelled of lavender and citrus, maybe from a-

    He was quickly shook from his thoughts as the greenette bent down to pick up a few loose papers from the floor before standing up straight and placing them on his desk.

    Damn..

    He was always getting distracted by those wide hips whenever the witch was around, and he just couldn't help it. Katsuki wanted nothing more than to grab at his slim waist and grip his green culrs tightly, as he bent him over his desk and mark up his neck.

    He thought about that often.. maybe too often..While he's at it,he could probably convince Izuku to bounce on his-

    "Kacchan? Hellloooo?" A sweet little voice snaps him out of his little day dream and he has to look down to see the small male standing right in front of him.

     "Did you hear a word I just said?" Izuku huffed, crossing his arms.

    Katsuki almost zoned out again when he saw the little heart shaped freckle that was delicately placed on Izu's right cheek that he just loved so much.

    "Uh,no, sorry. I was trying to figure out what that other smell is. I can only pinpoint lavender,and I think orange?" Katsuki tilted his head to the side.

    "Well, you'd be correct." Izuku had hummed, smiling, "Ive been trying to change up a few potions and make them smell lovely so anyone who passed by won't know they are potions."

    Katsuki let out a small hum back before walking into the kitchen and setting the bags on the nice wooden table. Izuku followed behind him, humming.

    The blond man opened one of the bags and pulled out a necklace, carefully putting it around the smaller's neck gently. He kissed the greenette's forehead gently,which caused him to blush deeply.

    "You're adorable." Katsuki smiled.

    They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, Izu sitting on the table and Katsuki standing between his legs, cuddling each other close.

    "I accept.." Izu says gently, nuzzling his nose against the blonds jaw lightly.

    Katsuki paused, looking at him.

    Was...was Izuku finally accepting his feelings...?

    The blond haired male gripped Izu's shoulders and pulled him back, looking him right in his emerald eyes.

    "You do know what you're getting into, right?" Katsuki smirked, grabbing the wide rim of Izuku's pointed, black hat and places it on the table.

    "Of course I do."

    That's all it took for the taller man to lean in and capture the witch's lips in his own in a sickeningly sweet kiss that the greenette happily returned.

    Alas, that fateful kiss was just what the gods needed.

    That moment of pure love is what the gods would use against them.

    They pulled away, and just as Katsuki went to speak the mahogany door slammed open. Izuku gasped and clung to the taller, a fearful expression as several knights rushed inside.

    "So, it was true! There is a witch!" One of them shouted and Katsuki pulled the male in question close.

    "Ah-ha! And the little non-believing thief!" Another exclaimed as the men in the mental armor came twords them.

    How..how had they found them...?

    Katsuki kept his lover held tightly in his arms and growled as a few of the knights pulled them apart forcefully. He thrashed and kicked, trying desperately to get away and protect Izu.

    This wasn't supposed to happen...

    The knights pulled them outside despite their objections and thrashing.

    "O-ow! You're hurting me!" Izuku cried out as he was forced to kneel down.

     Sure enough,there were deep purpling bruises starting to form on his exposed arms,the men holding him way to tightly.

    "Let go of him!" Katsuki growled, but his demand fell on deaf ears.

    The two were facing each other with their wrists bound behind their backs. Izuku had tears rolling down his cheeks and he was shaking.

    This couldn't be real.

    "How did you find us?!" Katsuki shouted, trying to free himself. Our blond boy was beyond pissed.

     "Easy. A little fairy told us." A knight said, amused as a little fairy with spikey black hair, and sharp blue eyes fluttered over. He had deep blue wings and purple markings across his body.

    "D-dabi?!" Izuku gasped out. That little fairy was his friend...well,he was supposed to be.

    "I'm sorry, Izuku.." The tiny raven haired male sighed, acting sad. He smiled widely, though, as a knight handed him a mochi.

    The fairy gave Izu a small part on the head before flying away, humming a little tune. Katsuki couldn't believe his eyes. They little fairy was always around.

    He always helped Izu with his spells. He helped Baku find his way at night with his vibrant blue glow. Then he betrayed them..? That little bitch.

    "This is why I hate fairies! You're nothing but scum!" Katsuki growled, thrashing around violently.

    This was bullshit.

    He's gonna stomp on that fairy.

    He's gonna eat him whole.

    He's gonna tear his little wings off.

    He's gonna-

    "By order of the king, you are both to be put to death."

    Katsuki stilled.

    "Both of you have been proven guilty of several crimes, including witchcraft and stealing from the gods."

    No. Nonono! He just got Izu to be his for real, he..he can't die. They can't die!

    Izuku let out a loud sob at the sound of a sword being pulled from its protective sheath,and the distress in his voice caused Katsuki to tear up.

    "I-izuku, my little spell caster, close you're eyes." Katsuki instructed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against the smaller's. Izuku did as told, letting his eyes flutter shut as he tried to calm his breathing.

    They both couldn't contain a yelp when a tip of a sword touched each of their backs, the duo staring to tremble.

    This couldn't be happening.. This was all too surreal.

  "We aren't heartless,so you may say your goodbyes." One of the men hummed, sounding sincere.

    Katsuki didn't know what to say...how how do you sum up years of love and admiration into a bitter goodbye?

    They opened their eyes to look at each other, Izu giving his lover a smile,a smile that held so many emotions behind it.

    Katsuki gave a small smile back, letting out a broken chuckle. Their last words to each other were those of truth, a promise they'd keep forever.

    Those knights returned to the kingdom with sour faces. They felt bad for having to end the lovers in such a way. They were mad at themselves.

    No matter how many times they meet, Izuku and Katsuki are always tragically separated.

    No matter how many times they fall in love, they can never experience each other too long, because it could all end in the blink of an eye.

    But, no matter what, they always depart from their beloved with the same words tingling their tounges;

"I'll love you for a thousand years."

"And I'll love you for a thousand more"

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

Oh boy that post I reblogged about Todoroki and Iida understanding memes & pretending not to got me INSPIRED so here r some Izukrew groupchat/meme headcanons:

Everyone thinks the bakusquad chat is crazy and while they’re right, the izukrew chat is just as wild

They have probably planned acts of vigilanteism in here I mean what?

The chat has definitely made at least 164 different plans to kill End**v*r, just in case. They aren’t gonna actually use them they’re just a precaution & a way to vent (probably. End**v*r better watch what he does tho). Someone in the squad had a bad day? Make a plan to kill End**v*r, you’ll feel better. Todoroki doesn’t always contribute, & they always ask him before they make a new plan to make sure he’s still okay with it, but he appreciates the support & knowing that his friends love him and have his back

[Achey Breaky 🅱️ones]: Hey Todoroki, can we make a plan to kill your dad? [Elsa But Better]: ya sure go wild [Running in the 90s]: Can Uraraka float the bastard into the sun? Discuss. [You’ll Float Too]: ive never tried to make anything go that high but for todoroki definitely!! [Elsa But Better]: ...thank you” [Kermit With A Gun]: (flamingdumpster.jpg) it is He go wild Ochako

Uraraka talks in the chat the most, followed by Todoroki (if sending memes counts as talking), Midoriya, Iida, and finally Tsuyu who lurks a lot but doesn’t respond as often as the others

They have a “days since Midoriya last injured himself” counter that they update daily. The record was 15 days. The average is 3.

They change each other’s nicknames often. They have free reign as long as it’s not too mean, and chat rules say they have to keep whatever their name was changed to for at least a week. Sometimes they match names/ have a theme. Sometimes they bring their name changes over to the main chat too.

There is a designated “Iida Appreciation Day” when the chat is especially nice to and appreciative of Iida that happens in the chat every few weeks because they realize that they as a class are a Lot to deal with & even tho Iida is way more chill in the chat with his close friends than he can be in the main class chat they know he still feels responsible for them & does a lot for them. Iida does not know about Iida Appreciation Day (but when he finds out he is super touched & maybe cries a little bit)

Todoroki is king of the really weird, really abstract memes. The rest of the squad has no idea how he finds them & is kinda too afraid to ask

He also has a reaction image for everything and like,,, he just HAS them he doesn’t look them up, which the rest of the squad realizes cause he replies way too fast to have looked it up on the internet. They are in awe of his power

Besides the izukrew gc, only one person knows that Todoroki memes, and that’s Kaminari, because Todoroki likes to t-pose & do other meme things while Kaminari is looking at him & then as soon as anyone else is about to see what he’s doing he immediately stops. Kaminari is going crazy because nobody will believe him that stoic Todoroki, who has the greatest deadpan expression ever, memes. “Todoroki? Are you sure? Kaminari maybe you’re sick, he doesn’t know memes remember? We yelled ‘this b*tch empty’ in front of him yesterday and he just stared blankly at us.” “BUT MINA I SWEAR I SAW HIM DAB!” Ashido and Sero tried to catch him doing it but gave up after a while, stating that nobody is that good at hiding their meme knowledge. The rest of the izukrew knows obviously but feign confusion because 1) it’s funny and 2) Todoroki is genuinely having fun. When Todoroki eventually reveals to the rest of the class that he can meme, he apologizes for pranking a very vindicated Kaminari.

Iida likes those memes that combine several memes. He sends reaction images that are just memes without text bc he knows his friends will understand exactly what he’s talking about

He’s also king of photoshop & totally uses those skills for evil - he’s rly good at putting Lucky Luciano into pictures, making his friends break into a cold sweat as he sends a picture to the chat that is seemingly the exact same as the one the last person sent. Since they’re so competitive they have an ongoing competition to see who can find him first (Iida keeps the score. Right now Tsuyu is winning, but the ranks change often)

He, like Todoroki, pretends not to know memes, but takes it a little further & pretends not to know teen slang either so he can misuse it in front of people & laugh at his classmates cringing (Iida: Seatbelts are important. As Ashido might say, they are “totes yeet, yo!” Ashido: //crying// IIDA NO! Iida: Does that not mean that it is very important? Ashido: //crying louder// NO!!!). Some classmates attempt to “teach” him but he “just does not get it”. Again the izukrew pretends not to know because it’s funny.

Uraraka is queen of wholesome memes. She has so many “I love my friends” memes & always has cute images ready to send in case anyone is sad or stressed. Everyone in the chat would die for her no questions asked (she will use this to her advantage one day probably).

She also really likes spongebob memes and uses them often. Her favorite is the one where spongebob is wearing those pink frilly glasses

While she is queen of wholesome memes, she’s not afraid to tease anyone & often sends smug/teasing reaction images. Nobody is safe, especially if they tease her first, & if there’s a competition in the chat she goes all in. When she wins anything it’s like “[You’ll Float Too]: (dignitylaugh.gif) whats this? it seems i have won our little competition...” (But then immediately after she sends her first victory message she’s like “lmao jk good game”)

Midoriya sends links to random ass YouTube videos to the chat at 3 am. Sometimes the videos aren’t even memes they’re all might documentaries or something he thought was interesting or thought one of his friends might think was interesting or videos someone made about how they trained their quirk that he thinks might help someone but sometimes they’re completely nonsensical. It’s like a roulette wheel every time someone clicks a link Midoriya sent. Sometimes the chat makes bets about the contents of the video before anyone opens it. Most of the time they’re all wrong.

He doesn’t rlly have a favorite style of meme, but he always has a million specific variations of whatever meme is popular at the time and all past popular memes. His phone camera is like a meme record. He’s rlly good at finding vine comps with good but not rlly well known vines.

He also infodumps in the chat sometimes bc they let him & he is really grateful that his friends are actually interested in what he has to say

Tsuyu sends memes that roast the sh*t out of everyone in the chat. When one of her friends is doing smth stupid she totally calls them out in the form of memes (she’s really good at finding those tiktoks that feel like they are roasting you specifically). She’s a comedic timing genius and knows just when to send things (& because she doesn’t use the chat as much that makes it even funnier). She also is, rather predictably, fond of frog memes

She also loves making those alignment chart type memes (& the ones with like the triangles or the four quadrants) & makes them for/about her friends & classmates often. She is scarily good at reading people and hits the nail on the head 99% of the time. Sometimes she sends them to the main class chat too and the rest of the class is like ?!?!?!?!?!?!

Because she’s a big sister, she often sends reminders to the chat to take care of bthemselves (Iida does this a lot too, but sometimes she has to remind him because he’s so caught up in caring about others he forgets to care about himself. Actually everyone in this chat is guilty of that including Tsuyu smh). Since the others make sure she takes care of herself in return, she’s really grateful for her friends

Bonus hcs:

Aoyama, once he is added to the chat, become the expert at sending selfies of himself looking directly at the camera while a member of the chat is distracted in the background, not seeing him. The chat makes it a game to try and spot Aoyama before he can get a picture, but Aoyama always wins. When asked how he can escape the detection of even those who are always on edge/have been trained to notice every little movement, he just smiles and says “it’s a secret~!”

Shinsou, who eventually replaces M*n*t* in 1A bc this is my city & grape boy is gross, does a thing called “insomniac hours” where he will send a random question to the chat at like 3 am & Midoriya, who is almost always awake then (or sometimes Todoroki Tsuyu or Uraraka if they’re up, and very very occasionally Iida), will give him a super detailed answer. Sometimes during the day the chat plays a version of this where Shinsou asks an obviously nonsensical question and the rest of the chat has to come up with long, nonsensical answers & then votes on the best ones. Many inside jokes were borne from this game.

[megalodon-writes]

Misunderstandings

Pairing - Akaashi Keiji x F!Reader

Word Count - 1.8k - Part III

Warnings - slight unwanted physical contact

Synopsis - Reader asks Bokuto for advice and decides to take action against Tozen.

Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV

a/n: huh I guess I don’t have anything to say here except that for the 6 days of writing and editing I had one sentence constantly going through my brain. “None thoughts but for Akaashi Keiji” so I mean n i c e 

Thankfully, you hadn’t been scheduled with Tozen in a while, but every time you had a small chance to say something, you would chicken out. You would text Bokuto about it and he was as supportive as ever, but he always recommended you say something sooner rather than later. He became a best friend, and you would go over to their place all the time to hang out. Through seeing so much of the two of them, you had quickly developed feelings for Akaashi. He was so kind and every time he looked at you, your heart beat so fast you wondered if it was going to explode. 

Bokuto had invited you to go to one of his games, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t excited. You didn’t really know what to expect from watching a professional volleyball game, but you threw on your favorite blouse and pair of high waisted jeans. You passed by your mirror and had to do a double take because you thought you looked so great. Hyping yourself up quite a bit, you couldn’t help but laugh as your front door opened.

“Hey, it’s me. Are you ready?” Akaashi called. You rounded the corner and actually had to catch your breath from how great he looked with a simple black t-shirt on.

“Yeah.” You grinned and grabbed your keys. Because you were distracted, you missed the fact that his eyes raked over your body. However, when you turned back to face him you did notice the slight pink to his cheeks. “Hey, are you feeling okay?” 

“I feel as great as you look.” He muttered.

“Well in that case we should go. Bokuto probably wants to see us sooner than later.” You laughed, not really hearing what he had said other than he felt great. 

The game was really entertaining and you loved seeing Bokuto's face every time he scored a point. You could see how people enjoyed his presence on the court. Not only that, but his teammates were all extremely talented as well. Every so often, Akaashi would look over at you. You thought it was sweet he kept making sure you were having fun. During one of the set changes, you stood up and yelled at Bokuto, who grinned and waved frantically. You turned around to face Akaashi and leaned against the bar, welcoming the feeling of how cold the metal was.

“Do you miss playing?” You asked. He looked at his hands and stood up, leaning on the bar so you were facing opposite directions.

“I miss playing with Bokuto.” He sighed. “We still play sometimes, but it’ll never be exactly how it was in high school.” His smile was so soft it made you wish you could have seen some of those games in person. Both he, and Bokuto always spoke very highly of their time at Fukurodani Academy.

--

Good morning, Y/N 

You smiled at the text from Bokuto and responded with ‘It is indeed a morning.’ Tucking your phone into your back pocket, you smiled, remembering the night before. You had gone over to the guy's apartment and had a movie marathon of Disney movies. It started with Finding Nemo and ended with Oliver and Company. Of course, in between those two movies you watched several princess movies, including Tangled, in which Bokuto sang every single word of all the songs. It wasn’t very beautiful, but Akaashis laughter made it all worth it. 

You turned around to make your bed, but as you did you smelled the most comforting smell in the world. Grabbing your shirt and holding it up to your face, you inhaled the scent of cedar wood and oranges. You had fallen asleep during one of the movies and about 2 am woke up to discover your head resting on Akaashis shoulder. Since you had been pressed against him for so long, his smell lingered on your clothes nicely. You had left their place around 3 in the morning and was glad that neither of them had noticed you cuddled up on Akaashi, or if they had they didn’t mention anything about it.

Looking in the mirror at yourself, you wondered if you should talk to Akaashi about how you felt. Your phone buzzed and  you pulled it out to see Bokuto send a smiley face. You still had about an hour before you needed to leave for work, so you debated whether or not to ask Bokuto for thoughts he had about the situation. Tozen flashed across your mind and you shook your head. You had decided today was the day you were going to confront him. Biting your cheek, you typed out a quick message, hoping that it would take your mind off of your manager for a while.

‘Hey, can I ask for some advice?’ Your phone buzzed almost immediately in response.

Always. You looked at the text and took a deep breath. He was so calm when you guys texted, unlike how he was in person.

‘What if I really like this guy and I want to tell him?’ The response wasn’t as immediate and for a moment you wondered if you were wrong in asking.

If that’s your way of telling me you like me, it was horrible. You laughed out loud and shook your head.

‘I don’t like you, ya dummy.’ You typed. This time, the pause was longer than before. You brushed off any negative thoughts and started curling your hair. After you were completely ready for work, your phone buzzed and you let out a small sigh of relief.

Who do you like? You stared at the four words and wondered if you should really tell him. 

‘It’s just someone from work.’ Your fingers hovered over the send button before pressing it.

Just tell them. Your brows furrowed together at the response. Before you could type out a reply, your phone buzzed again. I can’t talk anymore right now, but have a good day at work. You huffed and threw your phone into your pocket. 

“Best advice ever.” You said dryly.

--

The end of the work day was approaching rapidly and you started to get more nervous with every passing moment. You had seen Tozen earlier and told him you wanted to talk after work. You felt like a robot, giving random information out to the children and families. No one seemed to notice your mind was somewhere else, but that probably was because you had so many useless facts stored in your brain from years of study that they came out naturally.

You gathered your things and sat in the break room, waiting for your manager to join you. Without anyone else in the building besides the janitors and Tozen, you contemplated whether this was actually a good time to talk or not. You pulled out your phone hoping to miraculously see a text from Bokuto but before you could see, you heard footsteps up the stairs. Once Tozen appeared in the doorframe your heart stopped completely. Your hand started shaking again but you were thankful you had the support of the chair beneath you. He smiled and went to close the door after him.

“Please leave it open.” You squeaked. He looked surprised and furrowed his brows before sitting down next to you. Scooting a few inches away from him, you looked at him in the eyes.

“What’s this about, Y/N?” He asked.

“I think there are some undiscussed feelings we need to address.” You placed your hand on the table, but immediately drew back when he went to grab it.

“You’re looking more serious than I thought you would be.” He mused. Your insides churned and you bit the inside of your cheek.

“I am very uncomfortable with how you treat me.” You said flatly as his eyes grew wide. “I’ve had several friends say that I should report you for sexual harassment.” He laid a hand across his mouth and looked at the floor. Saying all of this to him had your entire body shaking and you felt tears pricking at the edge of your vision. “Before I did that I wanted to talk to you to let you know my side of the situation.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry.” He muttered, making you gasp slightly. 

“Are you just saying that because you were caught?” You said quickly, almost regretting your words. He looked up at you and after seeing the look on your face he shifted farther away from you. Your palms were sweaty but him moving made you feel a little less nervous.

“No. I am genuinely sorry.” He laid his head in his hands. “I feel so guilty right now, I actually thought you liked me. I had no idea you didn’t.” He said quietly. Hearing that made your mouth drop slightly open. “I read the situation so wrong.” You both sat there in silence for several moments. “I respect you as a person and as an employee. I had a friend get sexually harassed at work a few years ago and I saw what happened to her first hand so I know how uncomfortable it can be. I am so sorry that I put you through that.” He spoke with such pain in his voice that you had no idea what to say. After a deep breath you folded your arms.

“I want to continue working here.” You said. He looked up at you and nodded. “But I need some time away from you so please schedule me as opposite from you as you can.”

“I’ll make the changes immediately.” He said seriously. “I will respect your space and if you need to talk to me about work things, I will make sure there is another person present.” You exhaled and could feel your throat start to tighten up. “It’s going to take a while for you to forgive me, and I understand that. Please take all the time you need.” He thought for a moment. “In fact, don’t feel like you’re required to forgive me, because you’re not. The way I acted was not okay.” He stood up and headed towards the door. “If you need more parameters or anything please let me know.” 

“Thank you.” You said. You felt like there were cotton balls in your mouth and tears definitely were threatening to spill out.

“Thank you for telling me. Again, I apologize for my actions.” He left and you waited a few moments before quickly going out and getting into your car. You sat there, your mind buzzing with what had just happened. You grabbed your phone and dialed the person you had texted last. When you heard the tone of the answering machine on Bokuto's phone you squeezed your eyes shut.

“Hey, I hope you’re home right now.” Your words came out a bit shaky so you paused before you continued. “I - I need to not be alone.” You hung up and before you knew it, you were standing on their porch.

taglist: @doctorcelina @my-neighbor-todoro

[wherearemyglassesbro]

So uhhhh lawyer au. Who's locked up and why? (like Prussia) Also are there any characters who have side jobs that come into play even if they're not regularly in the office or court? (like how N. Italy(?) was in charge of suits)

Yes....lawyer Au again... :D I’ve missed it

Inmate 44671-E-8: Alastair Kirkland is the eldest of the Kirkland brothers. As they grew up, he set a terrible example for his brothers. He still gets himself in trouble but is slowly trying to better himself. He’s in the middle of a four year sentence for an armed B&E, where he also injured three officers while resisting arrest. Prison isn’t very fun but he’s learning to mellow out and control his inner rage. He tries to keep in contact with Arthur but he usually refuses to see him. Ali also tried to hire Art to defend him in court but he refused then too. Ali was prosecuted by Natalya Braginsky two years ago. Arthur sat in the public viewing area with a coat and hat on so he wouldn’t be recognized. Alastair has a girlfriend who he met through a prisoner dating site but when he gets out, he plans on dumping her and moving far, far away.

Peter Kirkland: Peter’s a freshman in highschool who’s been to juvie twice, both for assault. He thinks Arthur is a kiss-ass and he thinks his delinquent brothers are awesome. He goes and sees Alastair in prison every other week and calls him from home if Ali’s alllwed to have phone time. Arthur rents a car to drive up to his family’s house every month or so just for peter, to check in on him. Peter’s an ass though. Last time Art went to see him, he hotboxed Art’s rental car and left burn marks in the car seats...on purpose. Deep down, Peter is afraid of being sent to prison for real but he craves attention. So he acts out. He’s gonna get a taste of reality soon enough...cause once he turns 16 he can be tried as an adult...Uh oh. Arthur is very worried but he doesn’t show it, instead he just yells at Peter or lectures him endlessly with his lawyer talk. Lammmeeeeee

Łukasiewicz, the magician: Feliks ‘Ken Ka-Dazzle’ Łukasiewicz is a traveling magician who won an American talent television show. He travels around Europe and the Americas to perform his act with various circuses or (occasionally) a cirque show. He had his own show in Las Vegas for a summer and performed in another casino for a few nights in the fall while another act fell ill. Feliks was suspected of robbing and killing another magician! He hired defense attorney Herdarvey(did not spell that right lmaoooo) to defend him!! His case was all over the news and people still believe he committed that murder despite the judge and jury ruling him ‘Not Guilty’ after a gruesome full three day trial. Because Eliza defended him so greatly, Feliks pays the rent for her law firm and the rent for her house! He also sends her flowers and cards often despite her husband hating it.

Firefighter Oxernstina: Tino is a firefighter! I talked about him a bit before! He was a firefighter in Finland before moving to LA with his parents! He went though the fire academy there (again) and was quickly hired by the Los Angeles fire department! He was welcomed in without a hitch!! His coworkers love working with him. Tino loves his job too, he works seven nights a month and gets paid very nicely. He loves saving people, it just!!! Makes him feel so good. He met Berwald at a city worker event and married him about a year and a half later. They’ve been married for a little over six years now and they’ve got an adopted son, Oscar, from Sweden! Tino’s side job is coaching the highschool hockey teams! He loves those kids! Berwald comes to every match he can to be supportive. He also brings Oscar to hopefully spark an interest in hockey for him

Eduardo Sousa-Carriedo: Eduardo is Antonio’s step brother. The two do NOT get along but when they’re forced to go to a family gathering, they act very friendly. Eduardo is a private investigator who works out of San Francisco. He lives there but he isn’t around much, he spends a lot of time in Brazil working for big businessmen there. It’s all under the table of course! He makes a pretty penny doing that but he doesn’t live like a rich guy. He has an average house, a nice car...he flaunts his wealth subtly. Diamond earrings, expensive watches, custom briefcases, sleeve tattoos, designer sunglasses. That kind of stuff. He has a handful of clients in Los Angeles so he’s forced to go sometimes and avoids his brother like the plague. And speaking of avoiding, he also has his ex-wife to worry about. She isn’t really tbag important though. After their bitter divorce, she’s been after him trying to get more and more money. Ugh. What a pest. Eduardo plans on moving to Brazil eventually, disappearing without a trace so she can’t find him. That’s how badly he wants her out of his life.

Angelique Dieudonne: Angelique is a casino chain owner! She has multiple locations, the biggest being in Monaco, Vegas, LA, Madrid and NYC. She’s never in one place for too long, she hops locations constantly. Many believe that she’s hosting a huge money laundering scheme but no one talks. She’s practically untouchable. She’s got a team of lawyers, social media managers and advisors on her side. She strikes down videos about her, she refuses on-the-spot interviews, makes employees sign contracts to keep them quiet. All kinds of stuff!!! She’s very powerful. She buys out casinos in popular areas and makes them her own. Her casinos are large and glamorous! Casino goers are usually too busy being drunk and feeling like royalty to realize how much money they’re REALLY spending on games. But that’s all a part of her plan. The prosecutors have a blast talking conspiracy, Ivan gets especially heated about it. He can’t wait for her downfall and claims that he’ll throw a party when she goes to prison

Gianni Vargas: Feli and Lovi’s younger brother. He’s a highschool student who works at the shop with Feli on weekends! He is not allowed to go to work with Lovi because he’s ‘hazardous’ and ��inattentive’...which may be true. He has little interest in Lovino’s job cause he thinks working with dead people is gross. He looks up to Feliciano though! He wants to be stylish and suave like him! He plans on going into art school after he graduates. He wishes he could drop out of highschool to work in the clothing store with Feliciano but that would never be allowed!!! He goes with Feli to deliver suits so he’s a familiar face at the prosecutors office!! Francis is especially kind to him when he comes around “Awww! There’s my favorite style icon!!” It’s embarrassing but he thinks that Francis dresses cool so he puts up with it. When he turns 18, Gianni’s gonna get his own custom suit from Feli and their grandpa!! Only four more months!! He dreams of his soon to be suit every night!! The fitted pants...the padded shoulders....the fancy buttons...oh boy!!

((There are spelling errors but I am too lazy to fix them lmao sorry :) and there is more to add but I have fake nails on and it’s a muricle that ive managed to type this much haha

[acaciapines]

tagged by @mattieandmatter! thank youuu <3

1. why did you choose your url?

i picked it when i was super into the transcendence au and acacia was my favorite triplet. now i keep it ‘cause i like the name acacia and it works as a url and i dont see any reason to change it, except on those random days where i feel guilty for stealing someones oc. but like. acacia is a tau oc at this point and if people ask who she is i explain, so like. eh. its fine.

2. any sideblogs?

no. everything i like goes on one blog. i dont really post enough to need a separate blog, and i have a tag system for me to go through and find posts so. no need for a sideblog!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

way way too long. like 7 years i think?

4. do you have a queue tag?

i dont even use the queue. posts are reblogged and made as i feel like it.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i think a friend of mine had a tumblr and told me to join so i did, but now i havent talked to that person in years and she doesnt even use tumblr anymore, so.

6. why did you choose your icon?

its a margay, and they’re my settled form! but literally neither of my daemons take margay form so at this point it’s basically just my fursona.

7. why did you choose your header?

no idea. when i joined i was super into gravity falls and i think that was just a picture that fit okay as a header, and i dont feel like changing it.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

this one back from the cipherhunt days.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i dont know. i think somewhere between 6 or 8? if people wanna talk to me its not like we need to be mutuals, i dont follow many people.

10. how many followers do you have?

222. a nice even number! i like that.

11. how many people are you following?

103, and i’d guess maybe half of them are active? i dont follow that many people ‘cause i dont want my dash to be unusable since im one of those people that scrolls all the way back to where i left off the night before.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

i mean. ive been here for so long im gonna say probably?

13. how often do you use tumblr every day?

like, 3-4 hours a day? maybe more. i dont know i dont keep track.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

i think the closest ive ever come is disagreement over the interpretation of fanfic njrfdg so not really a fight, or at least i didn’t consider it one and im pretty sure (and hope!) the other person didnt either. but man do i interpret daemorphing differently than the people who talked about it on my daemonfic trends post. for the record im now on the 20th fic in that series and i stand by everything i said in my trends post. but also i can now add that actual main plot of daemorphing fucking rules if you like stories about war and what it does to a person, many different aliens learning about each other and how to live together, and literally amazing yeerk content go read it.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

dont care for them, they just make me stressed for no reason.

16. do you like tag games?

theyre fun! if im tagged in one i’ll do it.

17. do you like ask games?

a bit, but i dont really do them ‘cause i’d rather talk about like. daemons n stuff. i like answering all the asks people have sent me about daemons bc i adore talking about daemons.

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

uhhhhhhh idk. theinternationalacestation? talked to her through her tma fics and i feel like if youve read tma fic youve probably read at least one of hers. is that fame? i guess on some levels. also here is my monthly talk about hope etc go read hope etc please read hope etc i need everyone to read hope etc so i can talk to people about it.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah.

20. tags

ah yes the most stressful part of any tag game. including other people. i’ll tag @mackerelgray if u wanna do it and anybody else who feels like answering some questions about their blog, like. youre free to do so as well.

[thermaflute]

I saw a message in my inbox that dissapeared??? I think it was about transfer credits, time management, and art school advice.

I'd call the school you want to go to and ask about credits, ask specifically about what your major requires. If you go the art program route you'll probably have way more credits transfer than art school. A lot of the gen ed classes at art school are art related, so it'll only take off like 4 classes and then you still got a ton in whatever you specialize in. But that still depends on the major. Like for me, I only had one drawing class, but 5 design classes and they all count as gen ed. Someone in Illustration or Architecture will probably have to take more. If you find out you do, see if the credits can transfer from your college and knock out what you can in regular classes and drawing.

I've never been good at time management and I often have done my work last minute but I've been somewhat taking care of everything and I'm proud of myself. My free time is like 15 minutes a day now, but im not rushing to do everything before 11:59 so its an improvement. What helped was setting a work time, but also knowing where my breaks were. Its easier for me to say ill work at 3 when i know ill have free time at 4:30. If you're a schedule person, that can be nice, if you're like me and you can't then just make a general to do list in order of when things are do, whats the hardest, etc. There's some people who are gonna say "if you manage your time its easy" and like yeah but let's be real thats not gonna happen akwjejdjsnwbs. Its a big commitment, and if you're depressed or have executive function issues its A LOT. Its not impossible though, you just have to be honest in advance about what you need to do to get by.

Don't be afraid to drop that class during add/drop. You're paying all that money don't convince yourself you gotta suffer through a professor youre getting bsd vibes from

Utilize rate my professors, but don't be super fearful of the ones with mid-tier ratings, they're often really nice but a little confusing.

Talk to your professors about any difficulties you have, your mental state or disability isn't an excuse so don't make yourself feel bad for needing to do things certain ways to be successful.

Use all your resources, you're paying to use that giant poster printer, you're paying for the fancy library, use it!

Make as much friends as possible because imma keep it real with you,,,,,its all about who you know. Yes skill and talent is great, but it honestly comes second to connections.

Don't buy supplies before class, I'm a 3rd year and like 2 of my professors have genuinely used the textbook on the supply list. They're required to put a book there, wait until class to see if you genuinely need it.

ALSO DON'T BUY THE FUCKING SUPPLIES FROM THE SCHOOL STORE. THEY'RE ROBBING YOU, THOSE COLOR PENCILS DO NOT COST THAT MUCH. That is all 😊.

I'm gonna be real, there's some wildly rich people here that are very flippant with school and they're fun to be around but don't kick it with them too hard unless you know how to manage yourself. Don't put your scholarship, money, and GPA on the line to go partying 24/7 and don't feel guilty about telling them no. If you can't afford to go to the fancy restaurant, they'll change plans if they really want you there.

On the subject of rich people, don't feel bad if you're not. Theres more people like you that are middle class or poor, the really loudly money people make it seem like you're not but trust me there's a lot of us lol.

I know I'm hypocritical because I just said I don't have free time and its hard but please make time for yourself. Ive seen so many people kill their mental state and sleep cause they're constantly working. My school has a mad high suicide rate, so please please PLEASE put yourself before school. The job will come, the people will come, that momentarily loss in a grade is not worth your mental state or life.

Im sorry that it somehow deleted?? I think that's it, send me another message if you wanna know more.

[vexedtonightmares]

last dance (elu ballet au) chapter treize

Lucas is in his final year at the Paris Opera Ballet School and he’ll be damned if he lets his former friend-turned-rival Eliott steal the lead role in their production of Swan Lake.

aka- lucas and eliott are rivals who are forced to room together for their final year of ballet school before they try to enter the company. we can all see where this is going.  

i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi. vii. viii. ix. x. xi. xii. xiii.

ao3

tw: eating disorder, brief discussion of past manic episode, depressive episode, very brief mentions of depression/self harm, internalized/self imposed ableist thought patterns, discussion of bipolar disorder 

Mardi 6:45

Eliott still wasn’t there. Lucas had stayed up practically all night waiting, seeing if Eliott would come home, come back to him, but he hadn’t, and Lucas didn’t know what to do about that. There was still time though, and before they’d gotten together Eliott had been chronically on time to class every day, which meant he was late by ballet standards. Lucas was able to kid himself into thinking that would be the case that day as well.

He ran his spoon through his bowl of cereal, debating between taking another bite and throwing it out. Maybe Eliott had left him for this reason, that he couldn’t just get it together and force himself to function like a normal human being. 

The door was unlocked, so Lucas barely looked up when Manon walked in, knowing from the way she did so that it wasn’t Eliott. She sat down next to him at the counter and looked at what he was eating. 

“Cereal, fun,” she said conversationally. 

He shrugged, bringing another bite to his mouth, forcing it down. It tasted fine, if not a little bland. “What’s up?” he asked after a moment of awkward silence. 

“I should be asking you that,” she said pointedly. 

He forced out a laugh. “What makes you say that?”

“Lucas, you’ve been in a daze since last week. No one can get through to you. I know that Imane came and hung out with you on Sunday, but even she won’t tell me why you’re acting so strangely, and I know you told her.” Manon sounded a bit hurt and Lucas felt guilty. He didn’t want to be hiding things from Manon, really, it was just hard especially when things were so up in the air at the moment. 

He’d been trying to convince himself so much that nothing bad had happened to Eliott and talking about it would only convince him otherwise. The hard thing was that Manon would probably have great advice, but he wasn’t sure he wanted it. Sometimes toiling in his own misery was better than searching for a way out. He knew it probably wasn’t the healthiest way to cope, but he was quickly realizing none of his coping strategies were very healthy. 

“I love you Manon, and I’m really sorry, but I just… I can’t.” She said nothing, eyeing him carefully, so he continued, “I only told Imane because I was having a full on breakdown, I would have talked to anyone who showed up at my door, even Chloé, but now I need time to process things on my own before I discuss them. Is that ok?”

She sighed, biting her bottom lip. “Does it have to do with Eliott?”

“Why would you say that?” he asked nervously. 

“Well… he’s disappeared once again and you look ten minutes away from passing out again either from stress, lack of sleep, or both, so I just figured… Did you guys fight again?” she asked seriously, and oh, right. She was asking because she thought they hated each other. 

“Something like that.” It was the best he could give her, and thankfully she was willing to accept it for the time being. She folded him into a hug that he reciprocated readily. He tried to communicate with her through the hug more than he could through words, to tell her that maybe he wasn’t ok, but he was trying to get better. The only problem was that he wouldn’t be better completely until he knew what the hell was going on with Eliott. 

She released him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Off to class we go?”

“Off to class we go,” he agreed, throwing his bowl into the sink and grabbing his bag before following her out the door. They prepped for class in silence, running through various parts of the pas de deux between Odette and the Prince just in case Lucas had to stand in for Eliott again. He felt bad for ditching Imane another day, but at least she didn’t seem to ruffled by it all, able to practice on her own when Lucas was Eliott for the day. 

He’d also noticed her and Sofiane spending a lot of time together during practices when Lucas stood in for Eliott, not that they didn’t hang out usually but the air seemed charged between the two of them and Lucas found it in himself to smile at the fact that his instincts had been pretty spot on regarding the two of them.

When eight o’clock hit and Eliott wasn’t there, Lucas felt his heart sink even further into the pit of his stomach than it had since he woke up Sunday morning and Eliott wasn’t in bed beside him. 

Madame Rigaux obviously noticed he wasn’t there, as they all did, because his spot at the front of the barre remained empty and, for the first time since Lucas had started attending the school, she walked out of class. 

Imane turned to Lucas, intuitive as always, and Lucas couldn’t keep his concern from showing on his face. “He’s not back?” she asked in a hushed tone as everyone else whispered around them.

He shook his head, and Imane swore under her breath. “This really isn’t good Lucas, you have to tell someone about what happened. He could be a danger to himself or others.”

“He’s not some fucking psychopath, Imane, and he’s not on drugs. I don’t know what’s going on but there’s a logical explanation, I know it.” He could hear in his voice that he was pleading, and that she was probably right, but he didn’t want her to be. 

Madame Rigaux entered the room once again just as Imane was about to speak again, director trailing behind her. 

“M. Lallemant, can you come with me?” he asked, back straight, voice emotionless as always. Fuck. Why him? He figured it was common knowledge the two of them were rivals of sorts, even to the instructors. They didn’t think he’d done something to Eliott, did they?

He nodded, swallowing his unease and following the director out the door and down not to his office, but to Lucas’ suite. “Um, Sir? Have I done something wrong?” he asked nervously. 

The director looked down at him as if he were a nuisance. “No, but M. Demaury is your roommate, you should be more responsible for him.”

“In what way?”

“You’re aware this is the seventh class he has failed to attend this semester? We should have pulled him at three, but he was physically ill that week, and had a doctor’s note, so we let it slide because he is so pivotal to the performance and to this school as a whole,” the director explained boredly. Lucas might have been offended if his worry hadn’t outweighed his desire for the director to see him as more than second best to Eliott. 

“But now,” he continued, “Two more unexcused absences, we’ll have no choice but to put him on probation.”

“But Sir—” Lucas started.

“What? Aren’t you glad to take his place? Pitying M. Demaury only shows me that I’ve been right about you all along. You don’t have the drive, the passion. It’s why you’ll always be an understudy, that and your unfortunate physique.” Lucas staggered on his feet, feeling the heat rise to his face and having that sensation in the back of his throat that told him tears were imminent. If he cried he’d only prove the director right, so he swallowed them and put on as brave a face as necessary.

He cleared his throat. “What I was going to say, Sir, is that while I am grateful for the opportunity, I think Eliott might be physically ill again, so he might come back with a doctor’s note.”

The director’s gaze snapped to his. “Come back?”

“Yeah?” Lucas shrugged, brows furrowing. 

“You mean to tell me he’s left school grounds?”

“Um…” 

“Open the door to your suite, M. Lallemant,” the director said sternly. 

Lucas pushed it open. “It’s… not locked, Sir, just in case he came back. He left his keys here.”

The director stepped into the room, surveying it. Thank god Lucas had cleaned up all of Eliott’s nonsensical scribbles. “How long has he been gone?”

“Well…”

“How. Long.”

“Since Sunday, possibly Saturday night,” Lucas replied miserably. 

The director shook his head in disbelief. “And you’re only now telling me?”

“I thought he’d be back by now!” Lucas knew it wasn’t a good excuse, but he also hadn’t been expecting to have this conversation with the director. He knew he should say something regarding how he’d left, but he still couldn’t bring himself to. 

“Have you had contact with him since then?” the director asked.

Lucas shook his head. “No. He, uh, left his phone here too. I don’t know where he went or who he’s with, so I don’t know how to contact him.” 

“Did you try his parents?” There was some concern in the director’s voice now and Lucas nearly laughed. Of course he’d be concerned now, because it was Eliott who was missing, not Lucas. He was certain that if he’d been the one to disappear, the director would pack up his things without a second thought and bar him from the school should he ever try to return. 

“I don’t have their contact information,” Lucas said truthfully. There was a time he had, but that time had passed years ago. He missed the Demaurys often, actually, and he sometimes wondered if they missed him. Probably not, given what Eliott had likely told them about him over the years. 

The director sighed. “I have to do everything myself, then?” 

“I’m sorry, Sir—”

“Just go back to class, M. Lallemant, I daresay you need it more than most. I’ve always thought you’re more trouble than you’re worth.”

“Yes, Sir,” Lucas answered, hating how small his voice sounded, hating how he let the words get to him in such a way. The director had never really been nice to him, especially not when he filled in for Eliott, but he could take it when they were corrections about his dancing, not when they were corrections about himself in general.

He turned on his heel and walked out of the room, making a pit stop in the bathroom and locking the door behind him. The tears came out all at once and he leaned over the sink, sobbing with every breath. It was times like these when he wondered why he was even doing any of this in the first place. Why he’d chosen ballet if it was only ever going to hurt him. 

Still crying, he caught his breath enough to stand up straight, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked a mess, and he hated how he looked, even when Eliott had spent so much time telling him how beautiful he was. Beautiful in one person’s eyes didn’t mean good enough to everyone else. 

He flinched away from himself turning towards the stall, toilet beckoning him, reaching inside his head and pulling out his worst thoughts about himself. He’d never done this before, what he was thinking of doing now. His brand of disordered eating included restriction, never purging, but all he wanted to do at that moment was to let it out, empty himself of all the feelings of worthlessness, anger, even love, empty himself until there were no feelings at all. 

But then he thought of Eliott. Of what Eliott might think if he saw Lucas there, kneeling in front of the toilet hating himself and his situation so much he hadn’t felt he had anywhere else to go. Eliott would understand, that was the problem, he wouldn’t judge him but he’d show concern, making Lucas feel like as long as he was there Lucas never had to feel like that again. That was why he stood up, drying his eyes one last time before marching out of the bathroom, determined to be the version of Lucas that Eliott saw, not the one who needed to feel nothing at all to feel something. 

Mercredi 19:12

Eliott hadn’t shown again, but Madame Rigaux hadn’t stormed out of class, instead ignoring Eliott’s empty space, so Lucas wondered if there had been some sort of communication between Eliott and the school. If so, why hadn’t Eliott found a way to contact him yet? 

Arthur was coming over to study with him, against Lucas’ wishes, but Imane had agreed to it for him, telling him that he needed a distraction to take his mind off things. Honestly, Lucas was surprised that Arthur was studying at all. 

The door remained unlocked, just in case, so Arthur barged right in just as Manon had done, but with more of a flourish. “Hello my fellow gay child,” Arthur said, swinging the door open. 

Lucas looked up from his laptop. “Hi?”

Arthur didn’t say anything more, merely smiled before plopping down next to Lucas on the couch and looking at what he was doing, which happened to be that week’s French homework.

“Aren’t you bi? Have there been new developments I’m unaware of?” Lucas joked, setting his laptop down beside him. It looked like Arthur hadn’t brought any homework with him to study, so Lucas assumed they were really just hanging out. 

“I am bi, but I’m gay enough that I can refer to myself as such.” 

“Is that how that works?” Lucas asked

Arthur grinned cheesily. “Do any of us know enough to know how anything works?”

“Fair enough.”

Arthur suddenly frowned, and nodded towards Eliott’s closed door. “He still sick or whatever?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas said. It was the truth.

“You don’t know?” Arthur asked incredulously, “Listen, I understand you don’t like him, but as a roommate, you have to at least have common human decency and make sure he’s all right. I was his roommate for years, I know the deal.”

Lucas was about to interject that the reason he hadn’t spoken to Eliott was because he wasn’t even there, but he paused. “Know the deal?”

“Yeah.” Arthur frowned even deeper. “You know, like, obviously I know he isn’t actually ‘sick’ or whatever, he’s at another low.”

“Anther low?”

Arthur sighed. “Seriously, Lucas? Eliott’s clinically depressed. He has been for years, and sometimes it hits harder than other times. Sofiane and I have been covering for him for years, because we know the director would cut him faster than you can snap your fingers if he caught a whiff of neurodivergence.”

Lucas was gaping up at Arthur in wide eyed shock. It explained some things, explained his behavior that one week where he didn’t even get out of bed, but it didn’t explain his behavior this time, he definitely hadn’t been depressed. “I didn’t know,” was all Lucas could think to say.

Arthur must have felt bad, because his expression grew sheepish. “I mean, it isn’t your job to know, or to do anything about it, I just figured he’d told you about it because it can impact him pretty heavily.” 

Lucas felt like a horrible person. Somehow Eliott had been the only one to see him when he wasn’t ok, when he needed help, and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought he hadn’t seen when Eliott was hurting. Or that he had, and he’d ignored it. 

“But wait… he was only ever depressed? Did he ever seem weirdly happy, or anything?” Lucas asked. 

Arthur thought about it. “No. I mean, Eliott’s a generally happy person, that’s why the depressive cycles were more noticeable. You can ask him, he’d know better than me.”

“He’s not here,” Lucas said at last, which he probably should have said first.

“What? Where is he?”

Lucas put his head in his hands. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t—” Arthur broke off, taking a breath. “Lucas, I get that you hate him, put damn it call him or something! I didn’t know he was missing, Lucas something could be seriously wrong, he’s had a history of self-harm and shit, fuck!”

Lucas thought back to the things he’d ignored, feeling worse and worse with each word Arthur said. He’d never noticed anything of the sort when he and Eliott did things together, but he admittedly wasn’t paying much attention when Eliott’s mouth was anywhere close to his body.

“He left all his stuff here, I didn’t know how to contact him!” Lucas yelled, wanting to prove to Arthur he wasn’t a bad person and prove to himself that he wasn’t a bad boyfriend.

“Did you try his parents?” Arthur asked.

Lucas shook his head. “I don’t have their contact information, Eliott and I haven’t been friends since we were ten.”

“But you told the director, right?” Arthur pressed, and Lucas nodded.

“I also told Imane, because Idriss knows him better than most of us do.” A lie, Lucas knew Eliott better than most at this point, at least he’d thought he did, but Lucas did hope Imane had said something to Idriss about it all. “The director must have gotten contact with him somehow, because Rigaux wasn’t foaming out of the mouth at his absence and the director told me in rehearsal today to not get comfortable substituting for him. Though, that may have just been because he hates me.”

“First of all, the director is a dick and as soon as we graduate I’m keying his car, and second of all, that’s a good sign, I guess. Good as we can expect for the time being,” Arthur shrugged, leaning back against the arm of the couch.

“I guess,” Lucas said, doing the same. It wasn’t his intention to sound so detached, but it was probably a good thing, considering what Arthur thought Lucas thought about Eliott. 

Lucas flexed and pointed his feet aimlessly, glancing up at a silent Arthur every once and awhile. Arthur seemed completely content, but Lucas still wasn’t sure why he’d come over in the first place, since they both knew it wasn’t to study. 

“How’s Von Rothbart treating you?” Lucas asked at last. There were never usually uncomfortable silences between them, so he didn’t know why there should be now. 

Arthur raised his eyebrows over his glasses. “The day I actually get to stand in for Sofiane is the day this school burns to the ground.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Lucas said with a laugh.

“I’m not!” Arthur argued, reaching for a pillow and hitting Lucas with it. 

Lucas blocked the pillow with his forearms, still grinning. “I thought you didn’t really care, anyway.”

“I don’t care because I stopped allowing myself to care years ago. I used to care a lot really, but I know now that if I ever want to make a living in ballet, it’s not going to be here. I don’t even know if I want a living in ballet anymore, and it used to be all I dreamed about.” Arthur looked at his hands in his lap, traces of his small falling to something more serious. “I guess that’s what this place does to you, crushes you and your dreams until you have to find a new one.”

“That’s dark,” Lucas said, and Arthur merely shrugged. 

“That’s life.”

Maybe it was, but Lucas never liked to believe it to be the truth for everyone. If he gave up on his dreams now, even when the world was telling him that might be the best thing to do, was he still himself? Letting himself believe every horrible thing every instructor had said about himself over the years was a pattern he couldn’t allow himself to fall into, he had plenty of other problems without having to face the idea that maybe he didn’t quite have the level of talent he hoped he did. 

“Maybe so,” he said, “But if you love it don’t you find it hard to give it up?”

“Of course. And maybe I won’t give it up, but I’m learning to broaden my goals and narrow my expectations.” Arthur said it so simply, like he was resigned to it all. It made Lucas kind of angry, because Arthur had that same natural talent as Eliott and Manon and Sofiane, but he always acted so flippant about it that it was hard to tell whether he was serious or not. 

“I guess I just still don’t understand. You have so much talent, more than Yann and me for sure. Probably more than Sofiane, maybe even Eliott, but you never give yourself a chance,” Lucas said, because he still wanted to understand. 

Arthur bit the inside of his cheek. “The problem was that I was as good as Eliott, and I did give myself a chance. I… I don’t really want to talk about it, but I did give myself a chance, and I’m still recovering from it.”

Lucas’ heart stuttered and he reached for Arthur’s hand. He didn’t know what had happened, but he had his own fair share of childhood traumas so he could only imagine. “Well, it you ever want to give yourself another chance, know that I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”

Arthur looked down at their joined hands, then up at Lucas’ face. He stood abruptly. “Thanks. I should go, though, it’s getting late.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course,” Lucas said, a little taken aback. Had he said something wrong? 

When Arthur left, he cast a glance back over his shoulder, almost like he was hoping Lucas would ask him to stay. But then he was gone and Lucas was confused again. 

Lucas went to bed shortly after, leaving the door unlocked just in case Eliott or Arthur came back and helped clear up the mess going on in his mind. 

Jeudi 13:00

That morning had been the first he’d woken up with the expectation of Eliott not returning, hoping he’d be surprised. He wasn’t, and Eliott was still gone. Imane had shared worried looks with him as class started for the morning that he’d only been able to return with a shrug, past the point of hoping any more.

Yann joined him for lunch that day, but Arthur left to go by himself off school grounds. Lucas wondered if it had anything to do with him, but he decided instead to focus on Yann, it had been way too long since the two of them had hung out one on one. 

“Should I even ask if you know what’s up with Eliott?” Yann asked, taking a bite of his pizza. He’s brought Lucas a slice as well, but Lucas had yet to conquer it. He was determined to, but kept stopping himself before he could. 

Lucas sighed. “No, because I’m as clueless as anyone is.”

“Fuck. I hope he’s ok? Like, I know you’re not his biggest fan, but I really hope nothing bad happened to him,” Yann lamented. 

“Me neither,” Lucas said, then quickly amended, “Can’t have a rivalry if my rival is missing in action.”

Yann quirked his lips into a small smirk, ruffling Lucas’ hair. “Let’s not talk about him then.”

“Good idea.”

Not talking about Eliott was one thing, not thinking about him was quite another, one Lucas was in no way prepared for. Yann wiped his mouth with his napkin and Lucas realized he’d already finished eating, and Lucas hadn’t even started. Fuck. It was so much easier to eat when he wasn’t the only one. 

“Do you know what’s up with Arthur?” Yann asked, just as Lucas worked up the nerve to take a bite. 

He faltered dropping the pizza back on his plate. “What do you mean?”

Yann shrugged. “Maybe nothing, but I just feel like he’s been acting weirdly closed off. You know Arthur, he always talks about everything all the time, even when we don’t want the details. Recently he hasn’t been talking about things as much, hasn’t been sneaking out as much. I mean, that part’s probably good, but I don’t know if he has some secret or something he doesn’t want us to know.”

Lucas had been wondering the same thing, actually. “I don’t know what it could possibly be, but we had a conversation last night that kind of made me wonder the same thing.”

Yann hummed, clearly not finding anything else to say about the matter. Lucas didn’t have anything else to say either, at least not without Arthur there to confirm or deny their suspicions, so he waited until Yann launched into a new topic, something about some new superhero movie the two of them just had to watch together. Lucas found himself laughing, and he found himself eating, the action easier when he was talking mindlessly about something that didn’t cause him worry. 

Lunch ended far too quickly and it was only then that Lucas realized he’d gone almost an hour without thinking about Eliott once. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. 

Vendredi 20:27

He was lying on Eliott’s bed when he got the first text. It hadn’t been purposeful, but he’d somehow wandered there, finding it exactly as he’d left it when he’d cleaned up some of Eliott’s things. It wasn’t like he’d expected anything to have moved, but he was somehow still surprised to see Eliott’s phone laying on his bedside table, dead now that it had been almost a week.

Unknown: Is this Lucas?

Lucas didn’t normally respond to unknown numbers, a lot of times they ended up being spam or his friends taking the piss at him, so he didn’t take the bait, dropping his phone back onto the bed and burying his face in Eliott’s pillow. It still smelled like him. Then his phone buzzed again, twice.

Unknown: Lucas Lallemant? 

Unknown: If it is you, Lucas, this is Caroline Demaury.

Lucas sat up faster than he would have thought possible, hands shaking. Why was Caroline Demaury texting him? Something must have happened to Eliott, something bad. 

Lucas: Mme. Demaury? Yes, this is Lucas. Is everything all right?

Unknown: Hello, Lucas, yes, everything is all right, but Eliott has been talking about you, so I wondered if you might come pay him a visit.

Lucas: Eliott is with you?

Unknown: Yes. You didn’t know that? We informed the school. 

Lucas: All due respect Mme. Demaury, but the last I heard from Eliott was Saturday night, so no, I had no idea he was with you.

Lucas: Is he ok? What happened? I didn’t know how to contact you but he said some things that made me really worried

Lucas: I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner I was just so scared

Unknown: No need to apologize, Lucas, none of this is your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. 

Lucas: What wasn’t anyone’s fault?

Unknown: I think it’s best if Eliott gets to explain himself. I can have Harold pick you up at school whenever you’d like.

Lucas: It’s ok, I can walk. I still remember where you live

Unknown: Lucas, it’s no trouble, I’d prefer to know you’re safe with Harold than out wandering the streets alone. He can pick you up in a half hour?

Lucas: Ok. Thank you Mme. Demaury 

Unknown: It’s ok to call me Caroline now, darling.

Lucas: Thank you, Caroline

Unknown: Let me know when Harold gets there, I’ll tell Eliott you’re coming. He hasn’t been very receptive to guests, but we’re hoping that he might want to see you.

Lucas: I want to see him too

Vendredi 21:21

Lucas didn’t know what to expect. The car ride to the Demaurys house had been slightly awkward, but Harold Demaury still treated him like he’d been best friends with Eliott for years, which was nice. He could only imagine the things they’d heard about him from Eliott over the years, and was thankful they didn’t appear to hold a grudge. 

Seeing Caroline Demaury for the first time in almost eight years was also a shock, and his throat got tight the minute he stepped into their home. This home, that felt more like his home than his actual home to him for so many years. It still looked practically the same. 

She folded him into a hug without a word, and Lucas wondered if maybe Eliott had let slip the nature of their falling out, all the problems Lucas hadn’t known how to face at ten years old. He waited with her in the kitchen for a little bit, because Eliott was sleeping. She didn’t say whether or not he’d been receptive to a visit from Lucas, so he could only hope for the best when he opened Eliott’s bedroom door and saw Eliott lying with his back to Lucas, bundled up under the covers. 

His bedroom was the only part of the house that had changed. It looked so different from what Lucas had known, but it was so distinctly Eliott that it was hard not to feel at home. There were drawings taped up on all the walls, an impressive collection of vinyl records that Lucas was both stunned and repulsed to see included dubstep. Dubstep. On vinyl. Leave it to Eliott to still have the absolute worst taste in music. There were old ballet shoes strewn about the room, just like in Lucas’ room back at his flatshare, and Lucas saw a few notebooks and folders labelled “Polaris” on his desk.

He sank down onto the bed next to Eliott, who didn’t move an inch. Lucas was beginning to wonder if he might still be asleep. 

“They told you, I suppose.” Eliott’s voice came muffled and broken, startling Lucas.

“Told me what?” he asked softly. 

Eliott buried his face further into his pillow, refusing to look at Lucas. “That I’m crazy.”

Lucas sank down next to Eliott, attempting to carefully fold his arms around him, but Eliott flinched away from his touch. “Eli?” he tried. 

“You don’t want this, Lucas, trust me.” He finally looked over at Lucas, eyes dead and empty as his voice. Lucas nearly cried, seeing him like that. He wanted to see Eliott full of life again. 

“I can decide for myself what I do and don’t want,” he said adamantly, waiting for Eliott to explain. 

Eliott sighed, closed his eyes. “I’m bipolar.”

Something clicked into place and Lucas’ head and he sighed in relief, realizing that made sense. He didn’t know much about bipolar disorder, but he knew that people sometimes had depressed and manic episodes, so that explained last weekend. “Ok,” Lucas said.

“Ok? That’s all you have to say?” 

“Sorry, um, I guess I don’t know what else to say? You could have told me sooner, or Arthur and Sofiane. We understand, though I’m sorry if we made you feel like we wouldn’t,” he amended. 

“I didn’t know,” Eliott said.

Lucas shifted to look at him better, and Eliott opened his eyes. “You didn’t know?”

Eliott shook his head. “Not until this week. I’d been diagnosed with depression previously, because I’d never had a manic episode before, but after last week…” He took a deep breath, “The police found me Sunday morning, and they got in contact with my parents somehow. I don’t remember the details, I was still manic during that time, but I guess my parents took me to the hospital and voila. Here I am. They told me that I would crash into a deep depression soon, but I didn’t believe them. I felt so good, I felt like nothing could ever knock me down again. But then I guess I crashed, like they said. It feels awful Lucas, worse than any depressive spiral I’ve ever had.”

“Oh,” Lucas started to understand, though he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to give Eliott pity, because he knew Eliott would hate that, so instead he said, “Thank you for telling me.”

“Why are you acting like this? Shouldn’t you be running by now?”

Lucas squinted his eyes. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m fucking crazy! I could hurt you, or myself, or anyone and I don’t have any control over it and I don’t know what to do because my head is either empty or full and I can’t function like I’m supposed to and—”

“Eliott.” Lucas placed a hand on his cheek, and Eliott didn’t pull away. “You’re not crazy.”

“Tell that to the rest of the world,” Eliott hissed.

“I don’t care about the rest of the world, I care about you,” Lucas said.

Eliott blinked up at him, eyes so flat and gray when they usually brought as much life into the world as humanly possible. “Why?”

Why? Because Eliott was everything good in the world. He was the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening. He was the stars shining through Lucas’ window and making him feel less alone, less afraid of the dark. He was Lucas’ promise of a better life than the one he’d been living, he was the most beautiful person in the world. His mind was so complex and Lucas wanted to get to know every bit of it, even the parts that Eliott felt were shameful. Lucas didn’t think they were shameful at all, not if they made Eliott who he was. Eliott had shown Lucas time and time again that he wasn’t alone, and now it was time for Lucas to do the same. 

“Because you see me, and somehow still love me,” Lucas said, inching closer. Eliott didn’t back away, and he placed his hand on top of Lucas’, still resting on his face. “I’m the broken one, not you. You don’t deserve to be dealt this hand, you deserve only the best the world has to offer.”

“You’re not broken.”

“Neither are you. You’re not alone, either. Not anymore, never again.”

Eliott bit his lip. “How do you know?”

“How do any of us know anything? We don’t, but we have to have trust and patience and believe that the best is yet to come,” Lucas said, surprising himself. He’d never ever been the one to preach positivity in the face of darkness, but he could learn if that’s what Eliott needed from him.

“I’m going to be a burden to you.”

Lucas sighed. “So am I. Remember? Daddy issues, eating disorder, possible abandonment issues I’m only now realizing definitely exist. It’s a lot to deal with, for anyone. Including myself. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you ran for the hills. But you didn’t, and if you think I’m going to you’re dead wrong.”

“Lucas I don’t deserve you—”

“Me neither.”

“Lucas I’m serious—”

“Me too.” 

He was finally close enough that he could see every inch of Eliott’s flawless face, and he pressed their foreheads together gently. 

“I’m going to have to start taking medication, and I don’t want to. I’m going to lie to you about it and you’re going to get mad at me for lying, and then I’ll snap again and I’ll hurt us both,” Eliott said, and Lucas listened. “I’m going to have extreme highs and extreme lows and sometimes I won’t even be aware of it. I’ll yell at you, I’ll insult you, I’ll make you feel like shit and I won’t be able to help it.”

“I’m going to have to start eating again, like a normal person would, and I don’t want to. I’m going to try to lie about it and you’re going to get mad at me for lying and then I’ll snap and I’ll hurt us both,” Lucas said, and Eliott listened. “I’m going to have days where I shrink into a hole inside of myself because I don’t believe I’m worth it and nothing you say will help at all. I’ll yell at you, I’ll insult you, I’ll make you feel like shit, and I won’t be able to help it. You’re not alone in this either, Eli.”

“Lu.” It was a soft, hushed breath. A whisper, a promise. 

“And I don’t care about any of that stuff either, you know why? Because we don’t even know where we’ll be an hour from now, so why worry that far into the future? What’s the point of that? We’ll play a game, Lu and Eli, minute by minute. The only thing either of us has to worry about is the next minute, no time to dwell on the past or the future,” he proposed, meeting Eliott’s gaze again. “You in?”

Eliott took a deep, rattling breath. “I’m scared.”

“I am too, but I was scared of the dark and you brought all this light into my world and now I never have to be afraid again,” Lucas said, putting every ounce of honesty into his words.

“Lu and Eli, minute by minute,” Eliott repeated.

“Minute by minute.”

“Ok. I’m in.”

“Good, because I’d rather have you annoy me than not have you at all,” Lucas whispered with a smile, folding them closer into one another. Eliott laughed at that. It was small, almost indiscernible, but it was there. “You’re beautiful when you laugh,” Lucas said, because Eliott had said so when he was at his most vulnerable and he wanted nothing more than to return the favor. Plus, it was true.

“You’re still it for me, you know,” Eliott said, and Lucas’ heart soared. “If I couldn’t have you I don’t think I would ever have anyone else.” 

Lucas pulled his hand from Eliott’s face and laced their fingers together, pressing them to his heart. “You’re still it for me too. In this universe, in every universe.”

Eliott said nothing more, but he allowed Lucas to place a kiss on his brow bone, resting there a moment as if Eliott would disappear should he move away. Eliott didn’t even give him a chance to move away, tangling their bodies and legs together in that jigsaw way they always did, breathing synching up as they each held the world in their hands and tried not to ever let go.

Maybe they’d both been dealt a poor hand in this life, but was it really a poor hand if they’d found each other through it? Lucas would go through all of it again if they found a way to end up at this exact moment in time, this one where it felt like all peace had been restored in the atmosphere. They may have still had a long way to go before they could find that peace all the time, but Lucas knew that they would get there eventually. They were both fighters, and the thing they’d fight most for was each other. 

They deserved to live a soft, sweet song, not a tempestuous melody, and Lucas was ready to write it for them.

[foxyotomelady]

It wasn’t supposed to be, Chapter V (JuminxOC/Reader)

Author’s notes:

Wow, this chapter came out quite long :o

The slow burn continues~

Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V (You are here) | Chapter VI | Chapter VII |  Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X | Chapter XI | Chapter XII | Chapter XIII | Chapter XIV | Chapter XV | Chapter XVI |

Buy Me A Ko-Fi Have a nice reading!

It's been several days since Riyu joined RFA. During this time the girl seemed to cheer up somehow, she was not so tense, less often he saw her motionless in deep thought. Something has changed. Like every morning, they ate breakfast together, and the girl pampered Elizabeth the 3rd, giving her scraps of her food. "You seem less stressed lately," Jumin said. Riyu blinked, "And I seemed stressed before?" "Yes." "Maybe it's because I finally have something to do." "Ah, yes, how are you dealing with inviting guests?" "Very efficiently, I've already convinced a few. Others help me a lot, they send me suggestions."

"I see," Jumin took a sip of coffee and tried to focus his eyes on the magazine. Recently, he found himself staring at the girl too often and he trying to fight it. "Besides, everyone is nice to me. And they are funny." "Funny? Yes, I understand why you can see them as funny." "But you rarely log in. Is this my fault?" Jumin raised an eyebrow, refusing to show any emotion, "Why do you think so?" "Because I suspect it must be embarrassing for you. But no one is making fun of our situation since I asked for it." "Believe me, jokes will start as soon as I get back there." Riyu rested her cheek on her hand, with an elbow on the table, with a sigh, "What a pity. Have you even seen my profile?" "I didn't pay attention. Is it important for some reason?" "Do you remember when I told you I once had a dog?" The girl put down her coffee cup, got up from her place, walked along the table and stopped next to him, "I set his photo on the background." Jumin's heart started beating quickly when Riyu leaned close to him, wanting to show him the screen of her phone. He heard her quiet breathing, felt the warmth of her body, the smell of her shampoo fell into his nose. "I thought you might want to see him. I know you love animals like me." "I-I see," He whispered, adjusted his tie, and examined the photo. It was a small dog, a mongrel, with a short mouth, clapped ears and protruding teeth. "What was his name?" "Hige." "That's a weird name." "Not at all!" Riyu was outraged and lightly hit him on the shoulder with an open hand. This gesture completely dazed him. "Have you ever watched Wolf's Rain anime?" "I haven't watched any anime. It's a waste of time." "What? You've got to be kidding me! I have to show you a few, then you'll change your mind. Hige is one of the characters from this anime." "Your favorite, I guess. Oh... your avatar." "Ah, yes. I just wanted to show everyone how lucky I'm to hug this beautiful cat." The girl returned to her place and tapped something on the phone. For some reason, he became interested and worried about who she could write with. "Maybe I'll actually start logging in more often," He wondered aloud. "It would be nice to talk to you there sometimes," Riyu smiled charmingly. Jumin looked away, massaged his temple, "Tell me, do you really care to get along or is it just your game?" The girl's face immediately took on a sharper expression. Her sweet smile disappeared, "Listen, someday, you want it or not, we'll be family in some way. So yes, I care about getting along." "Family..." Jumin frowned. "Are you really ready to marry my father?" The girl apparently swallowed, "Yes." "Why? Do you really want to torment yourself for money?" "I don't care about his money. And no, I don't torment myself." "Do you know that you are really bad at pretending and lying?" "So you should see when I tell the truth. So you should see that I really don't care about money." Yes, that was the strangest thing... He was really starting to believe that money wasn't her goal at all. But he had no idea what could it be. "If you don't do it for money, why?" She did not answer him, so he continued, "Just don't say you actually have any feelings for my father. You despise him. You even loathe talking with him." "That's not true," The girl shook her head. "I like to talk to him." "So why has my father recently complained to me that you rarely pick up calls from him?" "I just rarely have my phone with me." "From what I understood, you like to write on the messenger with others. So you must have your phone in your hand quite often." The girl narrowed her eyes, she was angry, "What is this? An interrogation?" He looked up at her and had to not control his cold eyes, because Riyu backed away, shuddered? Then her phone rang. They both looked at the screen. What timing! His father just called. Riyu stiffened. "Won't you answer?" Jumin asked. The girl looked at him furiously, then grabbed the phone, and when he heard this artificially sweet voice, he immediately regretted that he provoked her to pick up. "Good morning, Mr. Han! Ah, I'm just eating breakfast with your son. How are your business matters?" Jumin barely swallowed bites of food and sips of coffee when he heard her babbling to his father. He felt sick, his throat tightened. Their conversation on the phone lasted about fifteen minutes, so quite a long time for them. As if the girl wanted to prove something to him.

When she finally hung up the phone, she didn't look at him. In silence, she returned to eating her leftover breakfast. Jumin felt uncomfortable... He felt... guilty.

"I'm sorry," He sighed. "You don't have to do this anymore. Don't force yourself to talk to him."

"I don't force myself," She answered gruffly.

"Why can't you be honest with me?"

"I'm honest," Another lie. "I want to marry your father. I may seem uncomfortable with him, but it's because we still have to get used to each other. In time, I will feel at ease with him."

Jumin put down his coffee, put the magazine away, and got up from the table. Riyu eyes followed him, "Won't you finish your breakfast?" "I've lost my appetite." Jumin headed for the exit, but before he left he heard a quiet 'Have a nice day at work' behind him.

[Jumin Han has entered the chat room]  Riyu: Seven, the weird hacker you suggested as a guest  Riyu: want my IP -_-  Riyu: I don't think it wise to give it to him 707: Give him my IP  707: I will send it to u thro message  707: if he tries to break into my phone 707: I'll just 707: destroy him 707: 

Riyu: hello, Jumin.  Jumin Han: yes, hello.  707: JuJu!  707: You finally appeared! 707: I missed you! 707: 

Jumin Han: The feeling is not mutual  707: so sharp T-T  Riyu: hehe, don't be sad Seven, he's kidding  Jumin Han: I'm not 707: lolololol Riyu  707: you're acting like a mom  707: oops! it wasn't right  707: since soon you will actually be Jumin's mother 707: lololololol  Jumin Han: 

Jumin Han: you see, Riyu?  Jumin Han: I told you what would start as soon as I came back here Riyu: Seven -_- 707: sorry T-T 707: I couldn't help myself 707: it was stronger than me! 707: this huge urge to make a joke T-T 707: it's just painfull T-T Riyu: you know what else would be painful? Riyu: me smacking you straight in the face 707: Oooh~ 707: I get excited just now~ 707: 

Riyu: sigh... -_-' Jumin Han: 

707: but Riyu I want to ask you something  Riyu: don't 707: you can 707: choose between two rich guys 707: and you decided to 707: go after Mr. Chairman? 707: do you have a thing for older guys? lolololol Riyu: no, I don't and it isn't funny, Seven  707: but when I think about it 707: Jumin is also older than you 707: so why Mr. Chairman? Riyu: seriously Seven, it's not funny Jumin Han: yes, stop this Luciel Jumin Han: don't you see she's uncomfortable? 707: oh, you get so protective over her again lololol 707: but what about u JuJu? 707: aren't u jealous that she prefers your father over you? lol [Riyu has left the chat room] Jumin Han:... 707: oh.... 707: it was too much? 707: I'm so sorry T-T 707: I didn't mean to offend you, Riyu T-T Jumin Han: Seven, Jumin Han: you're supposed to be a genius Jumin Han: so how is it you don't know how to use your brain? [Jumin Han has left the chat room] Jumin regretted that he decided to log in to the chat room. He just wanted to talk to Riyu and from all of people, she was accompanied by Seven. He thought for a long moment, tapping his fingers on the desk surface, and finally dialed the girl's number.  "Yes?" Her voice was washed of emotion when she answered.  Jumin didn't know what to say, "Is everything... Are you all right?"  "Yes."  She was definitely not all right. And Jumin felt a great need to change it somehow, "You said in the morning that you would like to show me some animes."  "Yes, what about this?"  "I think I would like to see some. Maybe at the evening? I'll try to left from work earlier today."

Jaehee was not happy that he had left work earlier because he had left her extra paperwork, but for some reason he wanted to fulfill the promise he made to Riyu. When he returned to the building and entered the apartment, he felt a strange smell. Did Riyu order dinner for them? But she wasn't in the kitchen and the food wasn't waiting for him on the table.  "Riyu?"  "I'm here," Her voice came from the living room.  So he headed there and before his eyes, an unusual view appeared. Riyu had already prepared several DVDs, probably with those animes that she wanted to show him. A blanket lay on the floor in front of the sofa. A box of pizza next to it - the strange smell coming from it. "I'm ready for our movie night," She said with a smile and sat back comfortably on the blanket, "If you need to refresh yourself after work, I'll give you only a moment. Be brief while the pizza is still warm."  Jumin was completely stunned, "Shouldn't we have dinner first?"  "This is our dinner!"  "Pizza? It's rather unhealthy." Riyu rolled her eyes, "Once in a while you can let yourself eat junk food. Come on, hurry up, or I'll start without you." So he went to refresh himself quickly and allowed himself to take off his jacket and stay in his shirt, he also took off his tie. When he returned to the living room, Riyu was already turning on the movie, "Hurry up, it's starting!"  A little hesitantly he sat down next to her, on a blanket and leaned his back on the sofa behind him, "Why are we sitting on the blanket?"  "It's better this way."  Jumin raised an eyebrow, "Is it? It's not good for your spine."  "Seriously, Jumin?"  "You also forgot to prepare plates and cutlery." "We don't need them for pizza!"  "So how are we supposed to eat?"  "Using our hands?" The girl reached for a piece of pizza into the box, dipped its tip in the sauce, then tilted her head back and directed the piece of pizza to her mouth. She bit off a fragment and began to chew it.  "It doesn't look very elegant," He stated at this view but couldn't help smiling. In fact, it didn't look elegant. It looked cute. The girl handed him a piece of pizza, "Eat, watch and relax. Apparently, you need it more than I do."  "Do you think that I don't take time to relax? That's not true, I think that relaxation is a very important part of life and work. When I need to relax, I go to a grape farm."  "It must be a very pleasant way to relax, but I promise you that the ways of the commoners also have their charm." So for the next hour, they watched anime, ate pizza and sat on a blanket. For Jumin, it was a completely new and unexpectedly pleasant experience. He actually felt relaxed. He stretched one leg forward, the other bent at the knee and put his elbow on it. The girl was sitting cross-legged next to him. They watched intently, sometimes exchanging comments. When they watched a few episodes and took a short break before the next, Jumin felt the need to say something. "I don't understand why this Hige is your favorite character. He is clumsy, irresponsible and only thinks about food and women."  Riyu chuckled and then shrugged, "When I was younger I thought he was cute." "Do you still think so?"  "Hmm. I still appreciate him because when he fell in love, he remained loyal to one woman for the rest of his life."  "If you really want to marry my father, you must be ready that he is not like that. He is not loyal. He has problems remaining faithful." The girl looked away, "You don't have a good opinion about your father." "On the contrary. I value him very much. But I know how he is when it comes to women."  Suddenly, Riyu's phone rang. The girl twitched, suddenly turned pale, but reached for her cell phone.  "You don't have to pick up if-"  "It's Seven. Ha! Let's see what he has to say." Riyu picked up a call in hands-free mode. "Riyu~ You picked up! I'm so happy~!" "What do you want, Seven? I'm busy watching anime and eating pizza."  "Whaaa? Do you value pizza and anime more than me?"  "It depends how sorry you are for your jokes."  "I'm terribly sorry, I am begging you on my knees for forgiveness!"  "I think you should also apologize to Jumin. That matter concerns him as much as me."  "I will certainly apologize to him!"  "You can do it now. He's here with me and you're on a speaker." Jumin barely suppressed a laugh. This girl... She was really something.  "Whaaa? Jumin is there with you watching anime and eating pizza? I can't believe it! You have to take a picture!"  "Where is your apology, Seven?"  "Huh?"  "I'm counting to five. If you don't apologize at that time, I'll hang up and never forgive you. Five... Four..." "Wait!"  "Three... Two..."  "JuJu, I'm so sorry! I'm on my knees now! I swear!"  Riyu burst out laughing and this time he couldn't stand it either. Agitated by her good mood, he laughed softly.  "Did Jumin Han just laugh ?! What a pity I'm not recording this because nobody will believe me!"  "Jumin," Riyu turned to him. "Do you think we can accept such an apology?"  "I think so, exceptionally."  "You're in luck today, Seven. Bye ~!" "I think he got his lesson, but since it's Seven, I doubt he'll ever stop fooling around," Jumin concluded.  Riyu sighed, "I know."  Suddenly something white flashed past them. The girl looked at the pizza box, "Oh no!" Then she jumped to her feet and ran somewhere, "Elizabeth, you can't eat that!"  Jumin got up quickly and hurried after the girl, "Did she steal a piece of pizza?"  Riyu just squatted and picked up a piece of pizza from the floor. She breathed a sigh of relief, "She must have dropped it along the way."  "She hid under the furniture. Your scream must have scared her."  "Most importantly, she didn't eat that." Suddenly Elizabeth ran out from under the furniture and fell straight into Riyu's legs. The girl stepped back so as not to stop on the cat, as a result of which she tripped over its small figure or maybe over her own legs.  Jumin reacted faster than he could think about it. He reached out one arm and the girl fell on it with her back. His fingers reflexively pressed around her waist. Riyu looked up at his face, slightly dazed. Her skin was soft, her eyes deep, her lips slightly parted. Jumin felt he was getting hot, and a strange thought flashed through his head... but he quickly chased it away.  He helped the girl stand straight on the floor and took his hand away. "Um... Thank you," She said, apparently embarrassed. He wasn't looking at her, "No problem. It wouldn't be good if you'd break your arm or something like that." "Yes, your father would not be pleased." "I wouldn't be pleased either." The girl was silent for a moment, then snorted softly, "Is this your way of saying that you care about me?" "I never said I don't care about you," He slowly turned to face her again and it was a big mistake. Now he could see that she was blushing and it make his heart race once more. "Will we go back to watching..?" Riyu suggested shyly.  Jumin nodded stiffly. He didn't even think about checking if Elizabeth the 3rd had been hurt. They just came back in front of the TV, sat down on the blanket and Riyu turned on another episode. At first it was awkward between them, but eventually, they both relaxed again. They watched anime till late at night. The ending was surprisingly brutal and sad.  Jumin noticed Riyu's lips tightening and her eyes sparkling. Was she stopping herself from crying?  "Are you all right?" He asked.  She sniffed loudly and rubbed her eyes, "Yes, yes. I just feel sad..."  Jumin raised his eyebrows, "Because of the movie?"  She nodded.  Cute. Incredibly cute.  "You shouldn't worry about it. It didn't really happen."  "I know, I know... But it's stronger than me." Jumin looked at his watch and only then realized how late it really was, "Ah, I should go to sleep now."  "I hope you won't be late for work tomorrow because of our movie night."  "Today, actually. It's past midnight. But don't worry about it. That was a surprisingly nice experience. I think I would like to repeat that sometime."  "All right, but next time you choose a movie."  Jumin nodded and rose from the blanket. The girl followed in his footsteps and started cleaning up, but he stopped her immediately, "Leave it. The Maid will take care of it."  "Ah, yes," She replied and straightened up. "I'm still not used to it."  They stood silently facing each other for a moment. Finally, Jumin broke the silence, "I have to admit I was wrong about you."  "What?"  "Someone like you - loving animals and crying at movies - cannot be a crafty gold-digger. Even if you can be quite bold and fierce at times as well."  "Uh... thank you?"  "Riyu... If you don't care about my father's money... Why are you doing this? You can be honest with me."  The girl's face narrowed instantly. She looked at her feet, "I'm honest. I just want to be with him." After these words, mumbled faintly, she moved towards the guest room. As she was passing him, he grabbed her wrist and stopped her. Why? Why did he do that?  "J-Jumin?" Her voice shook slightly.  "I'm sorry," Jumin released her hand or rather force himself to release her. "You should go to sleep now as well. Goodnight."

[kpopfanfictrash]

Angel (IV)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jackson

Rating: 18+ (mentions of sex, depictions of medical trauma)

Word Count: 4,466

Summary:  You’re a medical intern, always a perfectionist and used to being the best at everything you do. Jackson Wang is the male nurse beloved by everyone and constantly on your nerves. When you two are brought together, it could be the best or the worst thing that’s ever happened. [ THIS IS A REPOST ]

You laugh at his expression. Twining your fingers about his neck while pressing his body to yours. “I don’t,” you admit, voice lowering. “I don’t see you as just a friend – I was scared. Scared you were avoiding me. I thought maybe you regretting taking care of me.”

Jackson’s eyes widen. “What? No,” he counters. “I thought you were mad at me, that I took advantage of you somehow. I wanted to give you space, I wanted … Ah, shit.” Jackson exhales, closing his eyes. “I did this all wrong.”

When you poke at his cheek, Jackson opens both eyes. “It doesn’t matter,” you smile.

Jackson smiles back at you, slightly dazed. “It doesn’t, does it,” he murmurs. Nudging your nose aside with his own when he kisses you.

You melt into him, skin tingling as for the first time in a long time – you allow yourself to be happy.

“It’s just mind-boggling.”

“What is?” you muse, adjusting the IV drip with one hand.

Mr. Ronstein smiles at you from his bed, eyes bright. “That you’re not yet married.”

You snort, grabbing a pillow from the couch. “Mr. Ronstein – I’m only twenty-five.”

“Nonsense,” he huffs, as you readjust his position. “People younger than you get married. In my day, you would have been considered a spinster.  A beautiful one,” he corrects, grinning at your expression.

You arch a brow, trying not to laugh. Mr. Ronstein is one of your favorite patients. He came into the ER about a week ago with a mild stroke, and is now just waiting on final approval to go home. He’s older but not old, at least not in your terms. Early sixties, fit and healthy – no reason he shouldn’t fully recover. He had an Ischemic stroke, like most strokes are – meaning a blockage in his arteries, not a rupture. Not even a full blockage, so the important thing now will be therapy and lifestyle change.

Mr. Ronstein fully agrees with this, although he likes to wriggle his eyebrows when the doctor’s not looking and say, “Except for the occasional cigar.”

That’s when you groan, saying no. Then Mr. Ronstein nods, pretending to be serious while simultaneously throwing a wink. It never fails to make you smile, mostly because despite the situation, Mr. Ronstein is always positive. He talks about this entire thing as a wake-up call, an order to de-stress his life. Eat better, drink less, see his kids more. That sort of thing.

It’s one of the best parts of your day to check on Mr. Ronstein – which is why you’re here, taking a break between patients. “People younger than me are not in medical school,” you remind him, grinning over your shoulder.

Mr. Ronstein looks up suspiciously. “Your next retort is usually that you aren’t even dating. Does this mean you are seeing someone?”

You remain silent, but a blush creeps over your cheeks as you grab his chart from the couch.

Mr. Ronstein starts to laugh. “You are! You’re dating someone! That was fast,” he chortles. “Come on, tell me who. If he’s not up to code, I’ll snuff the guy.”

You shake your head, about to retort when Jackson pops his head into the room. “Greg!” he grins, slapping the door frame. “I hear that you’re going home! Thank god, we need some actual sick people up in this place.”

Mr. Ronstein chuckles. “Jackson Wang,” he shakes his head. “I will miss seeing your face.”

Jackson looks your way. “How’s your car?” he asks, managing to keep a straight face.

You blush, remembering the fervent make-out session of last night. Jackson’s hands in your hair, hips pressed to yours, lips on your throat – your cheeks must be tomato-red.

Mr. Ronstein looks suspiciously from you to Jackson, then back again. “Jackson?” he repeats, startled. “You’re dating Jackson?”

Freezing in place, you find you can’t say a word.

Mr. Ronstein starts to laugh. “Well, I’ll be. You two have been mooning over each other for long enough now. Good going, man,” he stage-whispers at Jackson.

Jackson grins back at him, giving a huge thumbs-up.

“Hello?” you glare, watching both adopt guilty expressions. “I’m standing right here.”

“Right.” Jackson blinks innocently. “That’s why I’m saving all the dirty bits until you’re out of the room.”

Groaning, you grab the charts from the couch. “There haven’t been any dirty parts, Jackson. You only kissed me yesterday.”

“And whose fault is that?” Jackson complains, eyes wide. “I would have asked you out sooner, if you hadn’t been ignoring me.”

“Okay, I’m leaving,” you announce, shaking your head. “Rounds.” On the way out though, you gently brush Jackson’s elbow. “See you later.”

“Well, aren’t you kids cute,” Mr. Ronstein deadpans.

Jackson looks indignantly back. “I am not cute,” he frowns, placing a hand on his heart. “I am chic and sexy.”

“Yeah,” you snort before leaving. “Okay, Jackson. Bye, Mr. Ronstein!”

Jackson is still protesting when you go, smiling as you move down the hall. Last night was – well, the word amazing comes to mind. You kissed until you couldn’t breathe, until your lips were numb and you forced yourself to pull away. Then you just stood there, leaning against your car and staring at Jackson.

He asked you out on a date, asked you out for this Friday – the first night off the two of you happen to have at the same time. One of the perils of working at the same hospital. Despite this, Jackson manages to find ways throughout the week to let you know he’s thinking about you. Sending texts, grabbing coffee or lunch.

The strangest part about dating is Jackson seems genuinely interested in getting to know you. He flirts, sure – but then asks you questions about your day. Listens to the words that you say, remembers them later. It’s a change from your previous relationships. Guy after guy who just wanted an accessory. Someone to point at and say they’re dating, all the while not caring about the why’s or how’s.

Admittedly, this is one of the main reasons you haven’t dated anyone in so long. When you’re in a relationship, you want things to mean something. You want to be with the person, just that person – a feeling which doesn’t happen often, for you. It’s nice, having someone who takes care of you, who asks about you – it’s nice, having someone to do the same. The more you get to know Jackson Wang, the more you like him.

An entire week passes, with your nerves growing and growing the closer Friday gets. It’s been a long while since you went out with someone you cared for. With someone you liked and wanted to impress. It’s enough that come Friday, you spend a half an hour that morning picking out your outfit. Trying on and discarding dress after dress in a heaped pile on your floor.

That one is too girly. That one too serious. That one is yellow; it doesn’t work with the shoes you want to wear. That one has a weird bow, a rip in the hem. Slowly, the pile grows – along with your nerves. It’s around the twenty-fourth dress you fall down on the pile. Staring blankly into your closet and spotting your skirts. Yes. You scramble upwards, pulling out one you bought weeks back, in case you had a fun night out. The price tag is still on, but it’s perfect. Fun, flirty – sexy enough to make Jackson’s eyes widen.

You place it in your gym bag, along with a top and heels. Slinging this over your shoulder, you head out the door only a few minutes late. From the moment you enter the hospital, it’s chaos. People are rushing back and forth, a sense of urgency in the air while you hastily throw on your scrubs.

“What’s going on?” you ask, skidding into place beside Marie.

She turns to look at you, lips white. “Accident,” is all she says – but you understand.

Your heart races as you nod. “Where are we short-staffed?”

Marie glances down the hall. “I think Dr. Banshin could use help, in room 211.”

You glance to where she’s looking. “Dr. Banshin?” you repeat, wishing she’d said anyone else. You haven’t seen or spoken to Dr. Bashin since the incident. Not since you botched that lumbar puncture and were sent awkwardly away. All the feelings of that day come flooding back. The embarrassment, the inadequacy, the sure, sinking feeling of not being good enough.

But then Jackson’s speech enters your mind. The words he reassured you with, his rather high opinion. He thinks you have what it takes to make it here. Everyone messes up, you remind yourself – it’s what you do after, which counts. Thinking this, you square your shoulders. “Alright,” you say, taking a deep breath. “I’ll go help.”

Entering the room, Dr. Banshin looks up. His gaze flicks briefly over you, before adopting an expression of neutrality. “Y/N,” he nods, looking back down. “Are you just going to gape, or will you begin the procedure?”

You smile, remembering the last time he said this to you. Then you square your shoulders, shutting the door behind you. “Yes,” you nod, hastening over to the sink. “I’m ready.”

The day is a small miracle.

Everyone involved in the accident manages to pull through. It’s one of those rare good days, where everything seems to come together at the right time in the right place. The accident itself was brutal – a slippery road, sudden mudslide and a driver who spun into oncoming traffic. It was amazing no one died upon impact. Instead, one car was clipped to be sent careening into the forest. It broke through several fences before eventually colliding with a tree.

The other car wasn’t so lucky, hitting the median straight-on. A family was in that car – mother, father, two teenage daughters. The daughters were lucky enough only to sustain minor injuries. Bruised ribs, light concussions, external cuts and bruises. None of which necessitated surgery. The father and mother though – one had a punctured lung, the other internal bleeding. After emergency surgery, twelve hours later, things are finally starting to stabilize.

The man who hit the tree was trickier. Broken femur, severe concussion and a fractured shoulder. Made all the more difficult by the fact that he was anemic. You’ve spent all day running between various rooms, helping in whichever way you can. Doing paperwork, watching over people’s shoulders and holding instruments. Watching as one by one, multiple doctors’ faces fell in relief. They stare down at their charts, hardly daring to believe when they see everyone will make it.

Everyone got here in time. There was nothing so life-threatening you couldn’t help. You end up staying several hours later than you mean to. The place is just so chaotic, you barely have a moment to breathe – let alone think about your night out. You’re trudging towards the on-call room, pulling your hair out of your ponytail when you see Jackson rounding the corner.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasp, eyes widening. “I – Jackson, I’m sorry. Our dinner reservation,” you pause, down glancing at your watch. “It was now,” you wince. “Wasn’t it?”

The two of you meet in the middle of the hall and it’s then you notice that Jackson, too, looks exhausted. “It’s okay,” he offers, smiling feebly. “I’m late as well.”

You exhale, glancing up at the changing rooms. “Okay. Just give me twenty minutes. I’ll wash my face, put on a dress and,” you pause, tired just thinking about it. Today has been satisfying, but draining. If you’re being honest, you’re completely wiped.

You look up, as Jackson’s hand touches your arm.

“What about,” he raises an eyebrow. “You come to my place. Or I come to yours. I’ll cook, we can order pizza. We can watch a movie and relax.”

“Well,” you pause, then nod. “That sounds amazing.”

A grin lights up Jackson’s face. “It’s a date,” he announces. “Let’s change and then – my place?”

“Okay,” you agree. “But Jackson – there’s no way you’re cooking. You’ve been here just as long as I have. Let’s get that pizza.”

“Okay,” Jackson pushes open the door to the men’s changing room. “Not that me cooking was going to be fancy, Y/N. Just two really spicy ramen packets.”

The door falls shut behind him, and you hurry to get your things. On the drive to Jackson’s, you lean your head against the window. Stomach fluttering at the thought of what him driving means. Jackson said he can drive you back tonight to get your car, if you wish. Or you can stay, and he can drive you back in the morning. The second option is the one giving you butterflies. Just the thought of spending the night, with or near Jackson.

You’re wearing your skirt and heels, slightly out of place but unfortunately, you didn’t bring anything else to change into. Not that Jackson seems to mind – he keeps glancing sideways, shaking his head before looking back at the road.

“I’m glad we’re going to my place,” he mutters, one hand firm on the wheel.

“Oh?” you turn your head. “Why is that?”

“Because,” Jackson smiles, profile lit by the streetlights behind him. “If I had to sit across the table from you wearing that for two hours – I might have gone crazy.”

You laugh, facing forward. “It is fairly uncomfortable. Do you have sweatpants I can change into?” Jackson shifts, quiet for so long you poke his arm. “Is everything okay?” you ask.

He groans, one hand tightening on the wheel. “I can’t decide if that’s better or worse,” he admits. “You in that skirt, or you in my clothes.”

You laugh, pushing him gently. “Get over yourself,” you snort. “I just want to wear sweatpants.”

“Fine, fine,” Jackson nods. “But I’m not responsible for how often I kiss you, then.”

“What a line,” you grumble, glancing out the window – but your reflection smiles back at you. From far behind, Jackson sees as well and smiles back.

His apartment is cleaner than the last time – Jackson grins, ushering you inside.

“Did you do this thinking I would come home tonight?” you ask, eyebrows raised as you lower yourself onto his sofa.

Jackson flushes, moving into his bedroom. “No!” he calls, voice growing further away. “I would never, ever think that!”

When he comes out, he tosses you a piece of clothing. “Thanks,” you murmur, brushing past to go change in his bathroom.

“Pepperoni?” Jackson calls out, already dialing.

“Yes!” you yell, shutting the door and leaning your forehead against the frame. Exhaling deeply, you turn to strip from your clothes. You fold them into a neat pile, pulling on Jackson’s sweats and t-shirt. They smell just like him, cozy and warm while you take a long breath. Feeling only slightly creepy as you sigh, pushing open the door to the living room.

Jackson sits on his couch, also dressed in sweats. He peers from over the top of the fabric. “Come here,” he demands, patting the seat next to him. “I saved you the best spot.”

“What,” you joke, coming around front. “Your lap?”

Jackson winks. “If you like.”

Snorting, you settle beside him. “You wish.”

Jackson just smiles, sliding his arm around your waist and pulling you close. You lean into him, even while he turns on his TV. “What do you want to watch?” he asks, flipping through channels. “I have to admit – I was a sucker and bought the most expensive cable package. Name a show, I probably have it.”

You nestle into him. Pleased, when Jackson tucks you closer. “What about Chopped?” your eyes light up. “I have a weakness for cooking shows. I love to work out and watch them.”

“Masochist,” Jackson mutters, changing the channel anyways.

When the pizza arrives, he turns down the sound. Sitting cross-legged while your conversation winds and turns. Jackson finds a bottle of wine from somewhere, pouring you both a glass.  

“I knew you could do it,” he grins, taking another bite of pizza. “You nailed that lumbar puncture – er, so to speak.’

You snort, nearly choking on your soda. “I have you to thank for that. Before I went in, I reminded myself of what you said. It really helped.”

“Mm?” Jackson chews, looking thoughtful. “Which part?”

“The part where everyone messes up. That I likely would again – and that sometimes, there might be no one able to help me.”

Jackson stares, setting down his slice. “That part helped?’

You laugh at his expression, nodding. “Yeah. It made me feel like I’m not alone. That everyone has been in my shoes – which was comforting, hearing my thoughts voiced out loud.”

Jackson stares for a long moment, before then smiles. “I feel the same way.”

A long silence passes, one where you draw your knees onto the couch. “Jackson,” you ask, gaze flicking to the TV. “What made you get into medicine?”

Jackson is silent for a long moment. “Do you mean – what made me want to be a nurse, and not a doctor?”

Your gaze moves sideways. “No. Well – maybe. You’re smart, talented, well-liked. Not that nurses can’t be all those things, but it is a very specific job to choose.”

Jackson exhales, looking down. “I did my Undergraduate at Stanford. Did you know that?”

Your eyes widen, shaking your head. “No. I didn’t.”

“Yeah,” he admits, gaze finding yours. “I thought often about applying to medical school, I really did. Every time, I just couldn’t. Ever since I was little, I’ve wanted to be a nurse.”

You set your wine down, before quietly lacing your fingers with his. Jackson smiles at the gesture.

“Why?” you continue. “Why did you want to become a nurse?”

Jackson’s eyes are dark. “When I was young,” he explains, voice soft. “My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went through intensive chemotherapy and radiation,” he sighs before falling silent, remembering. “My dad worked a lot. My parents were both immigrants, it was hard for both not to work at the same time. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals with my mom.”

Your hand tightens, lump suddenly rising in your throat.

“It was hard,” Jackson admits. “But the part which made it bearable, the part I really remember are the nurses. They took care of me. They explained things, in the best way they could. I remember thinking when my mom got discharged, that I wanted to do the same. I wanted to offer people, especially children, the same kind of hope I was given.”

It makes sense – so much. It explains Jackson’s demeanor, his strong desire to help. His selfless personality and when your lift your gaze to his, he’s looking back.

“What are you thinking?” Jackson asks.

Shaking your head, you lean closer. His hand slides to your hair, pushing strands away from your face. “I was thinking,” you say, letting him pull you near. “That I think you’re wonderful.”

Jackson’s face softens, thumb brushing your cheek. “That’s funny,” he murmurs, dropping a kiss to the side of your mouth. “Because I feel the same about you.”

He kisses you fully, sinking backwards and drawing you on top of him. Wrapping himself lazily around you, nudging your lips with his own. Your hands wander softly as his own trace your back. His hips finds yours, cupping you to him. You arch upwards, letting his mouth open beneath yours. The touch of him is hard, his motions soft and you don’t protest when he turns you over.

Drawing both your hands over head, Jackson slowly tugs his shirt from your body. This hits the floor, along with his own. You see then, that all his time in the gym is paying off, since Jackson’s body is just as perfect as you thought it would be. The way he stares though, makes you feel like maybe he’s as excited as you are. His gaze traces, followed by his hands, unable to stop himself.

He groans when you lift your hips to his, eyes dark with desire. “Y/N,” he murmurs, voice hoarse.

You don’t respond though, pulling him back down. Not objecting when he lifts you up, obediently wrapping your legs around him. Jackson brings you into his room, lays you down on his bed to tall quickly beside you. You arch into him, barely registering how the rest of your clothes disappear. Jackson asks you a question, one to which you nod yes. Nod again, when he drops between your legs. Groan out loud, as your head falls into the headboard.

You say yes again, when he covers himself to thrust into you. Jackson gathers you close, stilling as he kisses you softly. Moving his hips again, pace increasing with each thrust, hands finding yours to come apart at the seams. You hold onto him, since he’s the only thing solid. The only thing you can think about. You hold on to him, even after he pulls away. Even after he falls, happy and exhausted, beside you and lies with you in his arms.

The two of you sleep that way.

Your next shift is Saturday evening. You arrive happy and buzzing, still on a high from last night. Memories of the morning cloud your thoughts – Jackson making you breakfast, driving you to get your car before changing his mind mid-drive and taking you on a walk by the river.

You move slowly, almost dreamily entering the hospital. It’s so unlike you, but you can’t help how you feel. Every time you think of Jackson, you smile. His touch, his laugh, his eyes – it’s impossible to think of anything else, with those thoughts in mind. Jackson doesn’t work until tomorrow morning, so you’ll probably only see him again when you leave.

As you grab your clipboard, you quickly scan the names of your patients for today – and freeze. Reading again, then a third time. It makes no sense. Squinting closer, you shake your head before looking back up. Walking quickly, you grab the arm of first person you see.

“Hey,” you ask, wincing when you recognize Jordan.

She seems tired, as though nearing the end of her shift. Her eyes flick to yours, then away, clearly disinterested. “What?” she asks. “What do you want?”

“I,” you pause, gritting your teeth. “Why does my sheet have Mr. Ronstein’s name on it?”

For the first time you can remember, sympathy enters Jordan’s gaze. It’s this, more than anything which convinces you this is not a mistake. That you haven’t been given last week’s chart in error, haven’t received a misprint of some sort.

Jordan swallows. “He’s back,” she explains. Her hand tenses, as though to touch you before lowering it. “He – well, he had another stroke.”

The hallway grows fuzzier. “What?” you repeat, ears ringing. “No.”

She nods. “It was worse, this time. Hemorrhagic. He’s in a coma right now, Y/N. He probably won’t make it, probably will be taken off life support before the night is over.”

You just stand there. Stand there staring down the hall, struggling to process. No. This is all wrong. Mr. Ronstein was getting better. He’s supposed to be at home, living out his wake-up call. Seeing his kids, eating better, enjoying the occasional cigar. Your throat tightens. Men in his condition, the kind of stroke that he had – he should have had years, at worst. This kind of thing, it – you exhale, shaky.

Jordan is still standing, arms folded across her chest. “Y/N,” she says gently, bringing your attention back to hers. “I need to finish my shift.”

You nod, absent-mindedly. “Yeah. Okay.”

She walks away, leaving you standing there. Staring down the hall, then at the clipboard in your hands. You need to move. Need to keep going because there are other names on this list. Other patients to check in on. You take a hesitant step forward, unsure why your vision is suddenly blurring. No – you know why.

This isn’t right. It’s not fair. But what’s right or fair in life, you think. Stopping midway down the hall to take a deep breath. Pressing fists to your eyes, struggling to contain your emotions. This happens. You know that it does. You send someone home, you think they’re okay – and then something worse occurs. Sometimes the thing is avoidable, sometimes it’s not. This will keep happening, over and over.

You exhale, hands pressed so tight that it hurts. Then you swallow. You can’t let this consume you. Can’t let this destroy you because if you do – you’re no use to anyone. If you do, you’re not a doctor. It’s this which forces you to open your eyes. This, which forces you to take another step, to continue to walk. You place one foot before the other until you round the corner and enter Mr. Ronstein’s room.

His family isn’t here. Likely somewhere else, while they talk things over with the attending. You stare down at his bed, at the tubes and medicine running through while you manage a watery smile. “Hi, Greg,” you say softly.

In the morning, nothing is better. The prognosis is still bleak and Mr. Ronstein’s family decides to take him off the life support. You’re the one who delivers the news. The one who stands there while they debate. You handle their paperwork after, a tiny measure of relief in your body because it means you don’t need to be in the room when he dies.

Immediately following, comes the guilt.

As you leave the hospital the next morning, everything is dazed. You barely see Jackson as you exit, standing before his car in the parking lot. When you do see him, you hike your backpack higher, walk in his direction. Jackson is standing there, looking as though he’s lost in thought. His phone he holds loose in his fist, expression confused looking out at the cars.

“Hey,” you murmur, coming to a stop beside him. “Morning.”

Jackson’s gaze flickers, before meeting you own. He looks surprised, and you notice with some shock that his eyes are rimmed in red. “Hi,” he breathes, zeroing in on your face. “I – hi.”

You tilt your head. “Is everything okay?” you ask, since he seems off. “It’s been a pretty crappy night at the hospital. I hope the day shift goes better.”

Jackson lifts both eyebrows, opens his mouth to speak and shakes his head. “Yeah,” he breathes, sounding lost. “I hope so, too.”

His voice is wrong, though. It’s too tight, his eyes are without focus and you take a small step forward. Forgetting your night, forgetting everything that’s happened to place both hands on his arms. “Jackson,” you demand, waiting for him to look at you. “What’s wrong?”

Jackson looks your way. His eyes find yours, for only a second. “My dad just called,” he manages.

“Oh?” Unsure why, your heart starts to pound. “What about?”

“My mom.” Jackson can barely get out the words. His mouth tightens around them, and he swallows. “They found a lump in her breast. They’re doing a biopsy but Y/N,” he half-breaks, needing to look away. “They think she’s re-lapsed.”

[Master List]

[winnipegpatty]

to all the boys i’ve loved before [pt. iv] | s.m. series

a/n: catch up through the link in my bio! i’ve heard tumblr doesn’t put posts with links on dashes as often, so i’m going to see if more people see these if there’s not a link attached! Love you! Also this is really filler, but hey whatever. 

Fake dating Shawn was getting easier and easier. I always ate lunch with him and his friends in the cafeteria. And I was even becoming friends with some of his friends. They were nothing like my old friends. But it was fun to be part of a group. Of course, there were still moments when I wanted to disappear. The moments when Josh walked down the hall staring at me like I was someone he’d never known before. He’d shake his head at me, almost like he was disappointed in me. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. He’s my best friend. Well, he was my best friend. Really, I don’t think I remember what it was like to be best friends with Josh before Ari. It was all so different then and even more different now.

“Hey, can we talk?” Josh had asked one late evening in November.

Despite being next door neighbors, Josh hadn’t been over since Ari left. With Ari off in England, well, Josh just vanished.

“I guess,” I answered him. We stepped out onto the porch and stood against the wall.

Everything with Josh was so uncomfortable now. I hated it. They were weird when he was dating Ari, but at least I could still talk to him. Then Ari left and it was odd but manageable, and now with Shawn in the picture it was just uncomfortable.

“I can’t believe you’re dating him, Y/N. I mean, Shawn Mendes? Come on. We used to make fun of that guy.”

He used to make fun of that guy.

“Is it so unbelievable that someone like Shawn could like me, Josh?” It wasn’t supposed to hurt. I wasn’t in love with Josh after all, the letter was old and forgotten. Besides I was with Shawn now, at least to Josh I was. So I couldn’t make this seem like it affected me.

“No, that’s not what’s unbelievable.” Josh stuttered to find words, “You’re like, well you’re just this completely innocent, sweet, kind, perfect girl, and he’s….he’s a complete dick!” He practically spat at me.

If he even knew Shawn, knew him like I knew him, he’d know he wasn’t a dick.

“You make me sound really boring, Josh. It’s not like I’m some innocent girl just waiting around for the right guy.”

Josh scoffed, “Okay.”

“Okay!” My response laced with sarcasm, “Well this has really been a great chat, Josh. Thanks for coming over to talk to--”

“No… wait, just wait, Y/N.”  It wasn’t until this moment that I really saw Josh. Really noticed how frazzled he appeared, how unkempt his hair was and the way his flannel wasn’t even buttoned properly. “Look...just, did you mean what you wrote in the letter?”

Yes. “Josh, that was a long time ago.”

“Not for me. For me this is brand new, you gotta hear me out. I’m just trying to understand.”

“There’s nothing to even understand. It’s simple. The letter was meant for me and me only. You should have never seen it. Never read it. Never got it. Forget about the letter, Josh.”

“But I did see it!” Josh screamed, completely unraveling at the seams. He pulled at his hair as he paced on the porch. “What am I supposed to do about that?”

“I don’t know, not tell Ari.”

“Ari’s not even talking to me,” Josh spat. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I turned around trying to go inside. Running away from the conversation wasn’t always the best move, but it was the only one I had right now.

“That’s it?” He choked out, “What? Ari dumps me, you’re dating Mendes, and now we can’t even be friends anymore?”

“Josh, I don’t know how to be your friend anymore. We can’t go back to how we were before you and Ari were dating. And we certainly can’t go back to how we were while you were dating...what else is there?”

“If I had known,” He paused a moment, “If i’d just known I was going to lose both of you like this I--”

“Stop, don’t even finish that sentence.”

“You can’t just ignore me, Y/N.”

“I’m sorry, I am really sorry,” I mumbled as I finally went inside, leaving Josh alone on the porch.

Now alone with my thoughts inside, and it wasn’t much better than outside with Josh.

So, I did what any girlfriend would do...I called Shawn.

“Hey, Y/L/N, what’s up?” His chipper voice rang through the phone, and it felt good. Felt nice and calming, and like the world as you knew it just a month ago wasn’t completely unraveling at the seams.

“Hey,” I said quietly.

Shawn paused a moment too long and I knew that he had heard it in my voice, “Everything okay?”

I wanted to say yes, but instead, “No.”

Shawn didn’t respond at all. For a solid minute we sat on the phone listening to each other’s breathing. My anxiety skyrocketing, completely regretting calling him in the first place. I mean, what was I thinking any way? All of this was just pretend anyway. He wasn’t really my boyfriend. He wasn’t at my beck and call and here to comfort me when I was confused. Or to be by my side when I was lonely.

“I was getting ready to go out, actually was about to call you…” Shawn trailed off quietly, “Contract and all ya know? Do you want me to come over though? We can talk.” The way he said talk, warmed her inside. Like maybe he knew she just needed some company so that she wasn’t alone with her thoughts.

“No, no, Shawn. I’m sorry. Just go to the party, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”

“No, Y/N,” Shawn’s response was quick through the phone, “I’m glad you called. Just give my like ten minutes and I’ll be over, yeah? I don’t need to go to another party anyway.”

It felt odd, having Shawn drop his plans for me. It felt like something he really shouldn’t have done, or really even wanted to do. But he did for some reason, and all I could do was whisper thanks to him.

___

Shawn and Sof were sitting across from me at the table, an intense game of monopoly under way. Shawn and Sof were neck and neck for winner, while I was trailing behind with a measly three properties.

Shawn currently had two hotels on Boardwalk, and I was only one wrong roll away from bankruptcy. So naturally, fighting words were coming out. Sof was at his throat for trying to bargain with me on one of my few remaining properties.

“You know, babe,” Shawn batted his eyes at me, “I’ll give you the money you’d need to survive a roll on Boardwalk, for your last pink property.”

“No! You can’t do that!” Sof screamed out of frustration.

“I think I can,” Shawn winked at me. “So, what do you say, cariña?”

Sofia scoffed, “Sure just pull out Spanish pet names to win her over. Ay Dios míos,” Sof mumbled.

If I giggled into the back of my hand like a fucking idiot, I’d deny it until my dying breath.

Shawn tried again, after I hadn’t responded right away, “Listen. You’re one roll away from bankruptcy so you either do this and maybe live to see another couple turns, or you lose in like two minutes.” Shaw shrugged as if it was the most simple reasoning.

“Triple it, and you have a deal, cariño,” I shot back at him with a devilish smirk.

“Double.” He countered.

“Double, and you give me a free pass on the next one of your properties I land on.”

“Deal,” Shawn reached across the table and shook my hand, “Nice doing business with you.”

In the background there were signs of Sofia’s continuing distress at the situation, but I wasn’t paying any attention. I just hoped Sofia doesn’t get too attached. In fact, I wish we could have kept our families out if it all together. Family felt too real. Having Shawn over felt like when Josh was over with Ari. And that’s not what this was, but everyday it got a little bit harder to remember that it was different to begin with.

There was a look that Shawn gave me every time there were moments like these. Moments that felt real. And the look that he gave me, it felt real too. Like he was looking into my eyes wondering where I’d come from and why he hadn’t found me sooner. Sometimes I think I gave him a look right back.

____

“Hey, I’m really sorry about my mom. I swear, I told her about it all before you came over. I thought she’d remember,” Shawn mumbled quietly as we roamed into the kitchen with our dishes in hand.

Shawn’s parents were nice. And his sister Aaliyah was really fun. She reminded me a lot of Ari, which was nice since she wasn’t around right now. The dinner at their home had been lovely, and Shawn’s family was picture perfect in pretty much every way. It’s something I would have found annoying months ago, but now it seemed almost endearing that he had the privilege of growing up in such a comfortable life.

“No, it’s okay,” I said looking towards Shawn as I handed over my cup, which he placed in the dishwasher.  I hopped up onto the kitchen counter. “It’s nice getting to talk about my mom, like it’s normal. Like I’m normal...without my life seeming like a complete tragedy.”

“What’s it like living with only one parent?” Shawn asked quietly, as he inched closer to me.

“It’s not as weird as it used to be. I mean, Sof hardly remembers her. And as time goes on, I’ve lived longer without her than I ever did with her. But I’m used to it now. Sometimes it’s weird not having a mom to talk to, but it’s not too bad.”

“I bet you really miss her,” Shawn whispered.

“Yeah,” I whispered back, looking over at him with a sad smile. “Every day. But it’s just been so long that sometimes...” I trailed off, looking away from Shawn, off into an unknown headspace. “Okay, it’s like this. Like, I’ll be doing homework or cleaning my room, or something, and I’ll just be thinking about my family...and I’ll forget that there was even a time when it wasn’t just my dad and my sisters. And it only happens for like, a quarter of a second, but then….then I just feel really, really guilty about it. I’ve never really told anyone that before,” I said shocked. I looked at Shawn, his eyes staring earnestly at me.

Shawn nodded, “I mean...I get it. It makes sense to me, yeah?”

“You know, it's kind of nice having someone to talk to about this stuff.”

Shawn smiled at me, nodding his head and looking kind of shy.

“You’re a good listener,” I spoke softly.

“Yeah?” He bit his lip a bit, “Why thank you.”

____

Being with Shawn was so easy, that sometimes I let myself believe it wasn’t fake.    

“Okay, so tell me again, why we’re eating lunch...under the bleachers?”

“We can’t have our Subway contraband out in the open,” Chris responded like it was the most obvious concept. “Don’t want the powers that be, catching on to my truancy vibe. Then I’d have to back to cafeteria food, and that is a total blow.”

“I don’t know, Shawn. It’s like you don’t have time for me anymore.”

The voice, clear as day, belonging to Gen spoke directly above you on the bleachers. Chris stilled immediately pointing up. “All you do is hang out with her.”

You looked up, and sure enough Shawn’s signature black jeans and boots were sitting next to Gen’s classic hideous Ugg boots.

“What, like I’m supposed to just wait around for you? Gen, you left me for a college guy.”

“We should get out of here,” I whispered to Chris.

“Are you insane? That’s your boyfriend! And they’re talking about you.”

I didn’t really want to eavesdrop, but at the same time I did. The nosier part of me, the part wanting to know what Shawn was saying to Gen behind my back, won out in the end.

“He’s not a good listener,” Gen whined.

“That’s because he’s not at your beck and call, like I am. Gen, you can’t keep doing this to me.”

“Wait she’s not coming on the ski trip, is she? That’s our thing!” Gen’s voice rising to a panicked yell.

“What does it matter? You have a boyfriend. An upgraded boyfriend, supposedly.”

“Yeah, but...maybe by then...I won’t.”

Shawn scoffed before Chris said to me, “Dude, Gen is after your man.”

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