#i bet the neighbours think we're fucking mental

[cyberspaceoddity]

Just had a fucking category 5 cat moment

[jpoaulransahl]

#9

had a football match today. call it a friendly. played for my college against a neighbouring one. i bet you wanna know how it went. it was bad. i came home very angry at myself. this was just a friendly and in a while we're supposed to play in a tournament.

let's start by discussing my faults. i was positioning myself very well. but when recieving the pass my first touch let me and more importantly my team down. i think we conceded two goals because of that. the second fault is that i am too weak. no just mentally, but also physically. kept getting shrugged off the ball. i gotta be stronger, gotta be able to resist the pushes and the shoves and gotta maintain my balance if i want myself to play well. lastly, i hate myself for not being vocal at all. i am standing in the best possible position but the guy doesn't pass to me; not because he's selfish but because he doesn't know i'm there. it is important not to go down a spiral of self hate here. can't keep pushing myself down again and again. here's some of the things i did okay. one, i set up two or three assists. i've a knack of setting people up to score and i can find gaps in defences. two, my pressures. i won't say i'm the best in the world when pressing but, my pressures helped turnovers. third, i scored twice as well. i've still got to work on my finishing but scoring the first one helped me feel that i belonged on that pitch. no luck, only merit.

on my best i can wreak havoc and terrorize defences but today was not all that. i did show glimpses of course but messed up as well at times. our team needs cohesion. the squad's always rotating. we don't take it very seriously and there seems to be no discipline. i reckon some practice will iron some of these issues out. because at times, we seem clueless on the pitch. we also can't last half as much as the other team. we always start strong, but by the end of the time period, we die. perhaps i should work on my stamina as well.

my anger, few hours after getting home, evolved into a fire inside of me. i will strengthen my body, upper body in particular, so i don't get pushed off the ball like a fucking weakling. it's not like this fire's never been inside of me but this time it's different. this time, it won't wane over, at best 3 days. this time i'll be consistent. i'll be better in a few months. and even if the tournament goes crappy, i'll know that i did the best i could.

i'm giving me a deadline. 17-6-2022. on or before this day i have to improve my physical condition. i'm banking on you to me on this task.