#i can't tell if this was bait or a genuine question

[kandyrezi]

Do you have some immoral shipps?

define "immoral". where does the general degeneracy start and where does it end? is it more like a scale, or a slide, with the most grimdark on one end, and pure fluff on the other? how do you measure them, anyhow? because one man's trashy, "amoral" ships are probably another man's unproblematic, most generic 'enemies to lovers' ships imaginable.

[antiquarianfics]

Accidental pt. 2

What happens when you accidentally kidnap the exact man you were looking for?

pairing: mob!bucky x reader

warning(s): canon level violence, kidnapping, profanity

a/n: the comments on the last pt. were so affirming, omg. thanks, guys. anyway, here's a second part. ig the same idea stands: if this does well, maybe i'll do a pt. 3?

part 1

»»———-———-———-———-———-———-———-««

"You're looking for a man by the name of Barnes, James Barnes. He's the owner of the bar you took me from, and he's the head of the Barnes Family. He'll have the answers you're looking for."

"Where can I find him?"

The man grins, a dashing smile.

“I’m right here, Doll.”

—

Somehow, against your instincts, you manage not to take a step back. You keep your feet planted in front of the man, eye twitching a little, jaw clenching.

“You’re James Barnes?” You say, voice devoid of any real emotion.

“Disappointed? Looking for someone less handsome?” He shoots you a cheeky grin.

You scoff. “More like I wasn’t expecting to kidnap a mob boss.”

James laughs, a genuine laugh. “No, I bet you weren’t. However, I do have to say, I’m impressed. Not just anyone can take me by surprise.”

“How long?” You ask, ignoring his praise.

“What?” He raises an eyebrow.

“How long until your men come looking for you? I expected more time, but with you being in charge…” You trail off.

“Ah, yes.” He glances down at the very expensive watch on his wrist. “Well, if it’s 11 now, I’d say… ah. 7 hours before anyone notices.”

You raise an eyebrow. “That long? Really? Are you sure you’re important?”

He grins at you, a dashing grin. You shake your head slightly. You shouldn’t be thinking about his smile right now--you shouldn't be teasing him.

“Very. But my people know not to bother me at night. What I do on my own time is my business. You’re in the clear as long as I show up on time to my meeting. If I’m not there... Well, then people begin to worry.”

You let out an involuntary laugh. “In the clear? You're telling me I’m going to get away with kidnapping you? Actually, don't answer that. You're baiting me, and distracting me. I need answers. Back to my sister. Where is she?"

"I was wondering if you'd forgotten about that."

"Answer the question," you say, stepping forward and putting your knife back up against his throat. It seems to do the trick.

James' face grows serious, as if the man in front of you was no longer playing around with you and had switched into his regular business persona.

"She's alive."

You let out a relieved breath. Alive is something. Alive is good.

"Where are you keeping her?"

"Well, doll, I can't just tell you that."

"Sure you can," you say, repeating your words from earlier.

He smirks, "Why don't you just take the knife away from my throat first? I'm precious goods."

You roll your eyes at him, but you pull the knife away. You hold the knife up to him as if to say I will pull this out again and set it down on the table a few feet away, and as you turn around, you pull a chair from the same table up to James, placing it right in front of him. You sit, an expectant look upon your face.

"Look, doll, why don't you just go ahead and untie me now that you've put that knife away, and we can have a friendly talk about this?" He asks.

You scoff, yet again. This man, you think, is insufferable.

"Try again, pretty boy."

"So you think I'm pretty?" He smirks.

"I think you're annoying, and I think you know where my sister is. So, how about you stop wasting my time and tell me what I want to know?"

He sighs dramatically and lets his head roll to the side as if he's bored before lifting it to look you directly in the eye.

"Like I said before, she owed me something she couldn't repay."

"What's that?"

"That information's gonna cost you, sweetheart."

"You're in no position to be negotiating right now," you say indignantly.

"Sure I am. Don't forget I'm the most powerful man in Brooklyn."

"Don't forget you're tied up and I have a gun."

"You wouldn't shoot me."

"Fucking try me, doll."

He laughs, a real, genuine laugh. "Agree to my terms, sweetheart, and I'll tell you anything you want to know."

You huff. "What are your terms?"

"'Atta girl!" He exclaims cheerily.

You grab your pistol from its holster at your side and aim it at the man in front of you, resting the gun on your thigh. He glances down at it before raising his gaze back up to you. He clears his throat, but something tells you it's not because he is nervous.

"Go on a date with me."

Your eyebrows shoot up. He's joking, you think. A date?

"A date?"

"A date."

"You want to go on a date with the woman who knocked you out, dragged you to an unknown location, tied you up, is demanding information from you, and is currently pointing a gun at you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons."

"How do I know you won't just kill me when I show up?"

"Because that wouldn't be very gentleman like of me. My mama raised me better."

"You're a mob boss. You extort and kill people for a living."

He shrugs. "Well, what do you say? Do we have a deal?"

"No," you say.

"No?" He asks, confused.

"I have my own conditions." James tilts his head slightly as a signal to go on.

"You've already confirmed that my sister is alive which confirms you have her locked up somewhere. You will let her go and forgive her debt for whatever the hell it is that she owes you. Do that and once she is safely at home and I've laid eyes on her, you can have that date. Do we have a deal?"

James is staring at you, and as much as you hate it, you can't read him. Your heart is pounding, and you're hoping, praying even, that you've not pushed too far.

"Deal."

You blink once, twice before it registers that he has accepted the deal. Damn, you think, he really wants that date.

"Have her home by... What time was your meeting again? 7? Have her home safely by 7 tomorrow," you say, standing up from where you sat in front of him. You begin to move around the basement, picking up your things that you had brought with you in the whole kidnapping ordeal. Once you've collected your things, you start walking towards the stairs to leave. "If she isn't there, the deal's off."

"You're just going to leave me here?" James asks, pulling at his arm restraints.

You look over your shoulder at him and smile at him. "You're a mob boss, doll, I'm sure you'll get out of there in time." Then, with that, you ascend the stairs.

»»———-———-———-———-———-———-———-««

@cjand10 @vicmc624 @mostlymarvelgirl @livingoutsidethetardis

[alwaysshallow]

hey babes, for the drabbles in the inbox post all I can think of is price with a breeding kink so upset he's "too old to give you a baby" only for him to end up with a wife pregnant with their 2nd baby

Fifth time, sixteenth test, and he's fuming. He doesn't even look at you, and you feel bad, when he's pacing back and forth around the house, deeply in his thoughts. Normally, you'd try to hug him, like the last times, but somehow, you can't do it now. There's something wrong with his mind, and you just can sense that, even if he's not telling you anything; being with him prepared you enough for moments like these. He's a captain, the head of the team, usually stressing about things himself.

"John, could you finally talk to me?" you ask after another ten minutes, when enough is enough; he suddenly turns around in your direction, like he finally acknowledges that you're here. Apologetic look on his face makes your heart break even more.

"'m sorry, missus." He's quick to sit next to you on the couch, kissing your hand a few times, with hope you're gonna forgive him for ignoring you.

It's what he usually does, and it always breaks your facade, but now you're not mad. Rather, confused, but you don't talk about it with him, when he smiles into your lips and drapes a blanket over you. You two just cuddle on the couch, watching some ridiculously old documentary about war, when he decides to pop the question.

"Why aren't you with someone younger?"

To say you are shocked, would be an understatement; completely bamboozled, you look at Price, your eyebrow cocked. "The fuck are you on?"

He sighs, as he looks down at you; it feels like he doesn't want to fight, but he genuinely asks, which makes you feel weird even more. "Simple question."

You prop yourself up a little, to take a better look at your husband. "Because I love you, and that's settled?"

"Someone younger would give you a baby," he mutters under his breath, as his eyes are on the TV again. John's implication shoots right through you, like a bullet, sharp and hurtful, but not that much for you, as for him. You're quick to sit on his lap fully, to bring his attention to you.

"It's definitely not your fault, John. It might be as well something with me, you know?" you frown, your fingers tracing his bearded jawline, as he still doesn't look at you.

"I waited too long, and now there's the consequences of it." His tone is hard, like he didn't hear your explanation before, and he continues to blame himself for it. Your heart sinks. "'m failin' you, love. If I'd meet you earlier, it would be different. Or if you'd be with someone else, maybe he would give you kids."

"None of that," you say, grabbing his face, to make him look at you. He opens his mouth to say something, but you're quick to put a finger on his lips to shush him; he already told you enough to make you want to do a monologue on him. "We're gonna have kids, even if it will take years, do you hear me, John Price?"

"Affirmative," he replies, kissing you a few times. On lips, cheeks and nose – you learned that doing it this way soothes him. Makes him less nervous than he already is. "I wouldn't blame you, if you'd want to—"

You don't even try to talk to him this time; you just kiss him, interrupting his intrusive thoughts with hope that he'll focus on something else. It's not a surprise when he takes the bait, and he's quick to pick you up in his arms, while you just giggle, knowing that he takes you to bedroom.

Three years later, he's off at deployment, when you learn that you're pregnant again, with your second child. 9 weeks, your gynecologist says, when you look at the scan, thinking how happy you are right now. Tears pricks in the corners of your eyes when you're in your car, taking deep breaths before you'll call your husband.

A lot of thoughts are going inside your head; should you tell him now? He's on the mission, probably doing important things, maybe he doesn't want to be interrupted? Yet, it is an important thing, something that he waited to hear for the longest time, having doubts if he's ever gonna be a father— and now, he's about to be a father for the second time.

"Love, are you okay?"

You blink twice, when you hear him through you phone; you don't even know when you called. "Yeah, baby. I'm okay, why?"

"Been askin' you how's your day, and you tell me nothin'. Got me worried for a second," he laughs, and for some reason, his laugh completely calms you. Before, you were a little scared to even call him, interrupt whatever he was doing.

Now? Now, you're more than excited to tell him the news, since you have time, and your firstborn is with his grandma.

"I'm okay. I promise," you reply warmly, smiling to yourself, as you take a peek at your stomach. You don't have a bump yet, but you smile nonetheless at the thought that, if everything will go well, in following months you're gonna have a bump. "Are you busy?"

"Just got back to base. Will be there for a while," he hums. "What is it, missus?"

"You should sit."

"…everything's alright, yes?"

"Yes, but you should sit. And, turn the camera on, please?"

He doesn't even question your request; in a minute, you see his face – happy and confused in the same time, while you grin the widest you possibly can. You felt joy this big back when you were just a kid, getting your Christmas gift.

And, now you're the one who delievers the gift.

"You're in the car? Thought you're gonna be home," he speaks up, and you have to hold back a laugh.

"I had to see a doctor, and—"

"—you had to see a doctor? You told me you're okay, love. Is it our little man? Baby, I'm—"

"—I'm pregnant, John." Words fall from your mouth.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant," you laugh, as you show him the ultrasound on camera, the closest you can. "Nine weeks. I'm back from my gyn, that's the doctor I needed to see."

"You're not pulling my leg, are you, love?" he asks, and when you shake your head with excitement, he laughs. He laughs so happily, and he even stands up for a few moments before sitting again. "A week, and 'm gonna be back. Is it okay?"

"A week?" you raise your eyebrow. "You're supposed to be another two weeks on the mission, and—"

"—I'd like to spend it with my wife, and my two babies, alright? A week won't harm anyone," he whispers lovingly, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "We have to talk about so many things."

And the fact you had to try so many times for the first baby, is just a faded memory.

[daistea]

I love love love the scenarios of Kabru with a person who is oblivious, but what about someone who is hyper aware of how other people feel towards them as a defense mechanism? Someone who is constantly aware of everything that's going on and it's something they can't turn off but as a result hates guessing games and won't act unless the other person is genuinely forward. They aren't bad and are polite but will blatantly ignore hints. I think there's another layer of hilarity in that one.

Ya! I don't know if I captured what you're looking for, to be honest. But I tried my best, and I hope you like it!

1600 words !

no tw or spoilers I don't think

Cracks - Kabru x reader

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Your heart was a fortress. There were moats and ballistas and canons aimed straight at anyone who dared approach. You weren’t sure when the fortress walls raised, but you knew when another stone was added, when they grew higher. 

And Kabru’s charming smile only piled more stones atop the wall. 

That smile was intended for another purpose, you knew. He’d realize that soon enough, but until then, you would maintain eye contact and nod along with his conversations. He didn’t talk about himself often, but he had stories to tell, anecdotes, theories. And he wanted your opinion on every single one. 

“What do you think?” Kabru asked. It was a line cast into the water with bait on the hook. It was the sliding of a chess piece across the board. And he didn’t mean to play these games, you also knew that. It was just how he was. 

“I don’t know,” was all you gave him. 

Kabru nodded to himself. He was good at covering up his disappointment, but you could practically see the gears turning in his pretty head. The only thing you weren’t sure of was why, exactly, he had wanted to see you today. 

Finally, he returned his attention to you, “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

You felt yourself tense. Your shoulders slumped a little and you uncrossed your arms— he was probably reading your closed-off body language, but that was all simply habit, not a result of discomfort. 

“No, you don’t,” and you meant it. You weren’t about to inform him of why you never took the bait, but you’d throw him a bone. “You really don’t. I just… Wait, that was a very straightforward question, Kabru. How uncharacteristic of you.”

“I can be straightforward when I want to be,” He sent you another brilliant smile, though the look in his eyes told you that it was genuine. 

“Why do you want to be at this moment?”

Kabru looked away. He stared at his barely-touched mug of ale, doing his best not to shift uncomfortably on the bar stool. Yet, you saw it; the slight bounce of his knee, how his nose wrinkled. 

Finally: “I’m figuring something out,” he said. 

“Aren’t you always?” You teased. 

And he sent you another genuine smile with a hint of something, you weren’t sure. How annoying. Was it affection? You decided to push the thought aside for the sake of your sanity. 

“Yeah, you’ve got me,” he put his hands up and laughed, then took a sip of his ale as if needing something to do with himself to ease the tension that was slowly seeping between you. Tension: a noxious, invisible gas. It was about to give you a headache. 

You turned on the stool to face him, “What’s on your mind?”

Kabru’s smile turned wry, “Now you’re the one prying.” Your heart clenched. That was another stone on the wall. He knew you and it made you want to run away as fast as you could. 

“I guess,” you said, “Yeah, I do that sometimes.”

“I don’t mind,” Kabru murmured. 

What a lie. 

˚ · • . ° .

“Why are you two like this?” Rin asked. Her eyes were narrowed and her hands pressed down on her hips. Both you and Kabru took in the sight and began silently reaching conclusions. 

Kabru was the first to answer. “What do you mean? What’re we like?” He wasn’t confused in the least but made a good show of it. 

“Like this!” She gestured at you both, how close you were sitting with thighs and shoulders brushing. “You’re constantly dancing around each other and, frankly, it’s obnoxious.”

She was right. One step towards each other always resulted in two steps back. Kabru would create a verbal maze that you would instantly get lost in. You knew the general layout and that you should go a certain direction, but you never did find the exit. 

“Sorry,” you offered, hoping it would quell Rin’s annoyance. (It did not.)

“Are you two aware that…” Rin paused. She seemed to choke on her words as her cheeks slowly went pink. You and Kabru both stared. And stared. And Stared. Finally, Rin groaned, “Nevermind! This is your problem to figure out. Not mine.”

True enough. 

“She’s right,” Kabru murmured after she left. He lowered his head and looked at you, trapping you beneath his spotlight. Unfortunately, you had stage fright. 

“Right about what?” You asked, standing up to create distance; that spotlight was uncomfortably warm. But the lack of that warmth from Kabru’s body next to yours only created a gaping hole in your chest. (You'd have to fill that hole with sweets and distractions later.)

Kabru pursued your attention, “About our feelings, of course.”

Your feelings? At that moment, you were feeling quite shaken as cracks began to run up your fortress walls. 

“What feelings?” You asked flatly. 

His hopeful little smile instantly fell and he started to shift uncomfortably, “Our feelings.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“I’m not making you say anything,” you corrected, taking a step backward, preparing your retreat. 

“Yes you are,” Kabru began to argue desperately, “I’ve spent months trying to give you hints! I told you ‘the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?’ and you started talking about how the craters kind of looked like Laois’s face. I compared our hand sizes together as an excuse to touch you, and all you said was that I have girlish hands!”

“You do.”

“You know me,” he grit his teeth, standing up from the bench, “you know how hard this is for me. I’ve given you so many hints, so many opportunities, but you’ve ignored them all!”

Hints. Even the word made you frown. Kabru wanted to play guessing games all day, while all you wanted was a simple game of truth and dare where everybody only picked truth. 

Sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder why you loved this man. He always banged at the walls of your fortress and, recently, some stones had begun to crumble. You added more, but they would only fall when he decided to say something outright on rare occasion.

“I don’t like games,” was all you said. 

“I know,” Kabru exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes, “I know. I’m trying, really. Usually, I’m pretty adaptable, but this is just… Different.”

“And… You don’t like it?”

“I–” his mouth opened and closed before he looked at you straight on, “I don’t hate it, honestly. It’s different in a good way, as if it’s forcing me to be better with my words.”

“You’re already good with your words. You’re too good with them, that’s the problem.”

Kabru watched you for a moment. You allowed him to analyze you despite how it made your skin tingle. After a bit, he nodded to himself. “Do you want to get a drink?” He asked. 

“...I brought my water canteen with me, so I really don’t—

“You’re just blatantly ignoring my hints, aren’t you?” Kabru announced. His eyes widened and he threw his hands into the air. Whirling away, he gripped his hair and groaned. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight. 

“Maybe you should try a new method,” you offered, patting his back, “one that doesn’t involve implications and guesses.”

Slowly, he lifted his head. He looked a bit dead inside, and his jaw tensed. You felt as if you were watching him force himself to eat a monster out of a sheer need to please. It endeared him to you, but at the same time, you couldn’t help but feel sympathy for the guy. The things Kabru put himself through simply to maintain good graces were endless and difficult. 

“I…” he paused, blinking a few times before he finally looked at you, “Would that work?”

Probably. “Think of it like therapy,” you said as you led him back to the bench and sat down beside him. “Try to be blunt with me. Practice.”

“Practice,” he echoed under his breath.

“Come on.”

His eyes narrowed, “Fine. Where do I start? Give me a prompt.”

Good question. You gave it a moment of thought, “Alright, try asking me on a date.”

“I just did a few minutes ago.”

“No, be blunt about it.”

A heavy pause. Kabru slumped forward a little, an intense look in his eyes. “Alright. Fine. Will you go on a date with me?”

“...Why?”

“Why?” Fear and horror and exasperation filled his eyes, "Shouldn't you already know?"

“I don't. So, why?”

“Because—” just like Rin did earlier, Kabru choked on his words. His hands went up and he made meaningless gestures with them as if that would assist in the process of being blunt. “Because I would like that?”

“Good job!” You patted him on the shoulder. “Now, bluntly tell me how you feel about me.”

The horror on his face, you wanted a picture of it so you would always have something to laugh at. “Really?”

“Really,” you sang. 

“Fine. I—” another meaningless gesture as he cleared his throat, brows furrowing, “You really want me to be blunt?”

“Yeah. Tell me the truth, the whole truth, don’t dance around it.”

“Okay,” Kabru snorted, “Okay… I want to kiss you, I want to hold you, I want your attention, I want to pin you down on the couch and—”

“That’s enough,” you put up a hand— your cheeks were burning— and smiled, “we’re in a public place. But I get the point, thank you.”

Kabru sighed in relief. He closed his eyes and fell forward, burying his face in your shoulder. You couldn’t help but laugh and pat his back. 

There was a lot of work to do. He still had another layer of walls to break through, but he’d learn how to defeat and conquer. He’d learn how to stop building mazes for you. And it would be good for him, if it didn’t drive him insane first. 

You buried your nose into his hair. He groaned, slack in your arms. Part of you wanted to run, retreat. The other part of you rejoiced in the moment. You weren’t sure which one to listen to, but you and Kabru would figure it out with time. 

You and Kabru would figure a lot of things out together from now on. 

[pesky--dust]

Do you believe Will orchestrated the escape? Was he intending to flee with Hannibal or was he genuinely planning to kill him?

First of all, I think that Will is a character whose behavior we cannot predict - just like Hannibal said.

In the first season, Will was vulnerable, but in the second season, he started manipulating people to get what he wanted, and he told Alana and Hannibal that he was an unreliable narrator of his own story. And I believe that this is true throughout the series, to a greater or lesser extent.

In The Wrath of the Lamb Dolarhyde attacked Will in a motel. Will was aware that Dolarhyde wanted to meet Dr. Lecter, Dolarhyde himself told him so! And this scene, according to the script, ends with the following words:

CABAL. The synonym for this word is intrigue.

So I believe that Will decided to use Dolarhyde to free Hannibal, knowing now that since Hannibal loves him and Will plays it right, Hannibal will do whatever Will asks him to do.

So yes... I believe it was orchestrated by Will to some extent.

However, was he intending to flee with Hannibal or was he genuinely planning to kill him?

That's a good question! And I will repeat what I have already written: I think that we cannot predict Will's behaviour. In Mizumono he called Hannibal at the last minute and was not sure what to do until the very end and in The Wrath of the Lamb Will tells Bedelia, "Decisions are made of kneaded feelings. They're more often a lump than a sum". It is what actually drives him.

I think he wasn't sure how this escape would turn out. Would Dolarhyde kill Hannibal? Both of them? Or would Hannibal kill Dolarhyde and him? Maybe just Dolarhyde? Or maybe he'll just leave the FBI's dirty work and not get his hands dirty in the process?

And so, another pillar of this series is curiosity. I believe that apart from his feelings, Will was also guided by his curiosity about what would happen. In my opinion, there was no grand plan. "Everything that can happen happens. Has to end well, and it has to end badly. Has to end every way it can", "If everything that can happen happens, you can't really do the wrong thing. You're just doing what you're supposed to do" (Primavera).

[EDIT, because I forgot to write about something I find important]

In ... and the Beast from the Sea, Will tells Hannibal, "I'm not Fortune's fool, I'm yours". "I'm Fortune's fool" comes from Romeo and Juliet. It's about acceptance of the fact that you have no control over your life, because everything is up to fate; Will tells Hannibal that he is his fate and so he accepts it. And in the very next episode Will finds out that Hannibal in fact loves him.

In The Wrath of the Lamb, when Will comes to Hannibal to ask him to be a bait, in his memory palace, he stands on the skull engraved in the floor, where years ago Hannibal left him his broken heart. Will accepts Hannibal's heart now and chooses him, with all its consequences, not knowing what would happen.

[END OF EDIT]

And in The Wrath of the Lamb, Will tells Reba that Francis couldn't watch her die. When Dolarhyde shot Hannibal, Will reached for his gun. I think that both curiosity and his own feelings made him want to protect Hannibal and kill Dolarhyde in this very moment.

His feelings after killing Dolarhyde caused him to throw himself and Hannibal off the cliff (personally, I think the fall didn't happen at all and is just a metaphor, but that's a topic for another post), knowing that he would never feel better.

This answer turned out to be longer than I thought, so tl;dr:

Yes, Will orchestrated the escape.

Will is driven by his feelings, curiosity and whims (as Chilton said in Hassun), so I think that he didn't have any bigger plan than freeing Hannibal and see what would happen and then ended up being driven by his feelings. So I would say that he neither planned to run away with Hannibal nor to kill him. He was acting on the spur of the moment. If Hannibal killed Dolarhyde? Great, one serial killer down. If Hannibal had killed both Dolarhyde and Will? Okay, they're finally free from each other. If Dolarhyde had killed him and Hannibal? Finally it was all over. But Dolarhyde killing Hannibal? Oh no, Will couldn't bear to look at it.

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

hi hi!! saw the list of wips and was curious about the keegan ones :3c

also pls don’t put me in the basement i have finals next week and like three pieces i gotta work on!!!! and ig the petri dishes gotta be in the right conditions

no, no finals. only basement. mine now. <3

keegan number 1 for the wip ask game: soulmate keegan-- takes place during the mission "clockwork," for the cod: ghosts enjoyers!

It burns where he's gripping you. Sears your neck at the throat. It hurts so bad you white out for a moment. The man's arm tightens across your shoulders, pinning you to his chest, and you grab his forearm. He hisses in pain. Instantly, you both know what just happened: he soulmarked you; and you, him. He burned his handprint into your throat--the first place he touched you. You burned yours into his arm--singeing him through your gloves and through his disguise. Keegan knew his soulmate probably existed in the world somewhere, but never thought much about what it would be like to know her—if he ever had the chance at all. Still, finding his soulmate here and now--a Federation soldier in a Federation base, of all things--triggers an instinct in his mind that compels him to keep her from harm. That instinct wars with the need to carry out the mission at all costs. But his grip doesn't lessen. Instead, he tightens his arm around you, trying to keep a cool head. He drags you past his teammates--Logan, Hesh, and Merrick--and into an adjacent empty room. You can barely see anything, but you hear shouting and the exchange of gunfire. You struggle against his hold. "Let go of me!" "I'm not gonna let go." He shifts his grip to pry your head back, exposing the glowing soulmark formed at the base of your neck. His breath falls over the mark, and it glows hotter. Neither of you can ignore this. You're his soulmate. But here? Now? You're supposed to be an enemy; you're part of the Federation. He's not even supposed to let you live. But he's definitely not gonna let you die.

and keegan number 2: keegan in the cold-- with medic!reader. warning: keegan is mean.

"Why would you say that?" "Because I want you to understand who you are," Keegan hisses. "You can't handle using a gun because you're scared. You can't tell Hesh how you feel because you know he'd reject you. You'd be dead if I hadn't pulled you to safety. You're nothing without me. You're pathetic." You keep your mouth shut until the sting from his words fades. What he's saying isn't true. He's pissed and looking for control wherever he can get it because that's the kind of bastard he is. You will your voice to soften from anger into condescension. "Do you want that to be true, Keegan? Would it feed your ego?" "What I want is for you to admit that I was right," Keegan retorts, his tone growing more aggressive as you refuse to rise to the bait. "Admit that you rely on me. That without me, you'd be dead. That you're weak and pathetic and need me to be your shield. It's the truth, isn't it? Say it." "It sounds like you want it to be true." ”It sounds like you're avoiding the question.” "You want me to tell you I'm worthless?" “I want you to tell me I'm right." He leans closer, invading your personal space. "I want you to show me some gratitude for saving your life. Maybe treat me better than the dirt on the bottom of your fucking shoes." That takes you genuinely by surprise. Anger still simmers in your gut. But you tamp it down. You keep your head cool and your voice even. "Thank you, Keegan, once again," you bite out, "for saving my pathetic life. Happy?"  "Thank you isn't good enough," Keegan growls, his tone dangerously low. "Keep talking."

wip ask game / more Keegan / masterlist tag

[sysmedsaresexist]

Psych Critical

This post is highly related to this post, and I hope you'll read both. This was written second.

I've sent a couple asks to anti psych blogs talking about my own situation.

My goal isn't to change their minds, but to see what options they think are available to my family. Not every attempt at communication is an attack on a stance. I have real questions.

If there are other options, I'd love to hear them. I want these options to exist. I want more than what my family is going to get.

However, no one has responded to my asks. Maybe they think it's bait and I'm trying to catch them in a trick, maybe they don't know the answer, maybe they don't care (if you're one of those blogs, you've forfeited an opinion on my life).

So I'm going to post, under my own name, and ask again.

This isn't bait. This is my life, my every day normal. This is my father's life, every single day.

Psych Critical is a stance that I don't have a choice in. The psych system is only one thing that my family will turn to for help, and if we don't approach it first, it'll approach us on less kind circumstances. And that's genuinely what we're looking for.

Help.

And I think blanket generalizations like the above are about as useful as trash. I shouldn't have to hate myself and my family for needing help and seeking it out.

My father has something called NF (Neurofibromatosis). You might know this as "elephant man disease," though these are distinct disorders that are different from each other. It's the easiest way to describe it, though. He has tumors all over his body, inside and out, in his case. Visible lumps all over his body.

Unfortunately, these tumors are also on his brain. This causes him to have seizures, strokes, hallucinate, and have bouts of violence towards anyone and everyone. Specifically concerning is the voice of God telling him to punish his (now adult) children, and threatening to harm people based on the colour of their skin and religion. These hallucinations likely stem from the fact that he was raised as an orphan in the church (yes, it's exactly what you think).

There was a time when he could have gotten treatment, but we're past that. Initially, he refused. He was scared, I'm sure he didn't think it would end up like this. Now, he's unable to consent to treatment, and it's so progressed that surgery isn't an option. Chemo never was. To make matters worse, he's an alcoholic, to the point that not drinking will cause seizures and will likely result in death. Not to mention the damage to his liver that's slowly killing him. It's not functioning well these days.

There is no POA or will, and he's not able to consent to signing either. He will not go to any doctors at this point. You can't even have a conversation about this with him. Every plan he's set up on, retirement, pension, disability-- he calls them constantly to fuck around with it, cancel it, take his children's names off it, tell them he doesn't need it. They've stopped talking to him and will only discuss with my mother, despite there being no POA in place.

He is only going to get worse. He is going to die, and he doesn't understand.

My father is already dead. The man that raised me is gone, the man that cared isn't in that head anymore. It's a cruel soul using his body like a puppet until it finally gives out.

At this point... my siblings, mother, and I have had to cut him out of our lives. He's mean. He's so goddamn mean and cruel. His words cut harder than his fists, only because there's nothing left to him. He's skin and bones.

I don't know how much longer my cousin can let him stay there. Then what?

At some point, he will need to be forcibly committed and treated, if only to make him comfortable during his final... years? Months? Days? Because of the unique circumstances, there's likely not a drug that can help curb any of the symptoms. Drugs might be able to get him off the alcohol, but he's not going to like that at all, and that's not what's causing the hallucinations. His memory only gets worse by the day. Simple daily things like using the stove are becoming more of a danger, because he keeps walking away and forgetting.

I have about as much choice in this as he does, and the sooner he's committed, the better for everyone, including him. I mean, he can continue to stay out, and pass out on the streets trying to get home from the bar after getting kicked out for starting fights or getting angry when he's cut off. I don't know if or when he's going to forget the way home, and even if I try not to care... I'm scared.

I fear the day he's picked up by the police. I want him in the legal system even less than the psych system, and I think he'll fight any police that try to approach him. This is a man that, I promise you, would rather be homeless than denied alcohol.

This is not my biological father. He came into my life when I was only 1 year old. My biological father was, surprise surprise, also an alcoholic. He was in a drunk driving accident before I was born that killed other people. He was the driver.

My step dad, the only dad I've ever known, scares me sometimes.

I don't want to be the child of two murderers.

So I ask again, what do you suggest? How is this ableist? Your focus is psychotic people, but that's not the only people in these facilities. That's not the only disease that they treat. I read a couple posts from a linked resource (it's tumblr posts, let's not lie), and one of them mentioned something akin to outpatient treatment. @trans-axolotl because I'm using your post. I actually appreciate the "I don't know" of your answer.

It's a lot better than, "you're ableist for even thinking about this."

Friendos, I don't have a choice but to think about this.

This seemed silly to me, though, because psych wards already act like that. Many of the patients leave during the day to work, shop and visit family, and return at night. Rinse and repeat for them, every day. There's a surprising amount of individualized treatment, freedoms, and steps for each patient.

But not everyone can adhere to that. If my dad got out during the day, he would be drinking, and this would exacerbate the symptoms. He's a dick when he's drunk on the best of days. It's why my mother divorced him originally, before the hallucinations started.

A dry house wouldn't work, either. The places this man has hidden alcohol... he's like a squirrel, it's just everywhere, and he comes across them like,

Inside the WALLS, my guys. Hidden in the basement, the wall goes up to uncovered beams and there's a gap, and he hides them down behind those walls.

Do you know how many spiders are in there? He can fucking drink them, he wins that battle. Touché, dad.

When they tear the house down in the far future, I'm willing to bet they'll find a full liquor store down there. And again, the first time someone says, "you can't bring that in here," he'll turn around and say, "then I'm not going in there, diddles," because his fucking language part of the brain is broken and no matter how many times you explain that "diddle" is a CSA word that you can't just use randomly like that, he forgets.

When I first got married, I had him over to my apartment to spend a few nights. The amount of alcohol that got into my house... I don't even think he brought boxers, just alcohol, and it ended in a fight, and I made him leave. After that, he refused to come visit me. He's never been to my sibling's homes. It was the final straw for me, the things he said to my husband are unforgivable. I keep watch from afar now, talking to my cousin about him.

I said a few paragraphs up that the man that cared is gone. Sometimes, I look back, and I'm reminded of all the doubts growing up that he ever really cared. But I still care, and loving him is painful. The fear of what he's going to do next is even worse.

I want to finish this off with one of my... I don't want to say favorite, but this documentary was one that helped me, a fair bit, when it came out. I'd genuinely like the opinions of anti psych people on this documentary, and the true extent of violence and self harm that some patients display. Heavy trigger warning for severe self harm and violence toward others. Obviously.

For some of these patients, do you see another option for treatment? If not psych wards, what do you suggest happens to some of the patients in the video? What role did the staff actually play in some of the events portrayed?

As a general reminder, this isn't to change minds but open dialogue.

"Psych crits are ableist," is a pretty harsh statement considering the number of people in similar positions to myself. I feel like there's a huge disregard and ignorance for the violence that real people are experiencing.

Again, I'm psych critical, I don't accept the system as it is now, I think there's many improvements to be made. I think there is a need, in a very not small number of cases, for this type of system. I understand and appreciate the intersection of race, poverty and mental health that leads to anti psych sentiments, and I agree. There is a large number of people in psych wards that shouldn't be. This needs to be addressed.

But how do you reconcile both? I can't figure it out. I don't know.

[d3sertdream3r]

I've been loving trop this season!! I am wondering how the whole SauronxGaladriel thing is going to play out though I'm nervous it won't be very satisfying with everything they've built up and all the marketing hype it's gotten. I'm worried they're baiting shippers to get more people to watch. Thoughts?

Oh boy, I have MANY thoughts!

I am absolutely DEVOURING this season, anon! The first episode in particular really blew me away. As a Saurondriel/Haladriel shipper, I thought all the direct parallels shown in Sauron and Galadriel’s journeys were PERFECT! 

I was worried they were going to retcon Sauron’s genuine feelings of despair and questioning if he should “repent” or not due to the amount of hate and toxicity from the usual suspects on the internet. Instead they really leaned into it, and I loved seeing The Dark Lord having nightmares. It’s a side of him we’ve never seen explored before! And that Annatar reveal… holy moly! Celebrimbor and I were both like: 

Galadriel has been breaking my heart in each episode. Elrond and Gil-Galad need to give my girl a break! Morfydd Clark’s acting is stellar. She is so heartbroken over not recognizing Sauron for who he truly was and even worse… catching feelings for him! She’s really going through it and it hurts, but it’s also brilliant on the writers’ part. 

Everyone else’s acting and stories are great too. Arondir was a favorite of mine last season and continues to be this season. Disa is FANTASTIC and I love her and Durin so much there aren’t any words to describe it. Isildur and Estrid are cute and I’m interested to see how their story plays out. I hardcore ship Elendil and Miriel, and his daughter needs to take a seat before she helps Pharazon destroy their home! I know the story, but MAN was it killing me to see how Eärien is contributing to its downfall in this show (in a good way… I think having her be involved with the opposite side of her father makes for great drama). 

As to the second part of your ask… I have been involved in many online fandoms for about 13 years now, and I gotta say that 98% of the time fans come up with way more interesting storylines than the creators of any show. A lot of the time they just don't deliver. I’ve been burned over and over again, so my bar is pretty low at this point. 

They’ve done a fabulous job with the Saurondriel dynamic so far, and I’ve seen some really interesting fan theories about Galadriel briefly joining Sauron or being taken prisoner by him. As truly fascinating as that would be, I’m not holding my breath. I think it’ll be a rehash of season one’s ending with more violence since they have swords this time around. After that, I’m guessing they’ll focus on Sauron gaslighting, gatekeeping, and girlbossing his way to the throne of hell while Galadriel and company work together to stop him. They’ve hinted at Celeborn a bit, I’m sure we’ll see them reunited at some point. 

I’m sorry if this isn’t very reassuring! I wish I could be more optimistic about Saurondriel in season 3, but I honestly don’t think Tolkien’s estate would go for Galadriel falling to the dark side in any capacity. Sauron taking her prisoner could happen, but I highly doubt it simply because as I said before, fans tend to have better ideas than a lot of creators in my opinion.

I could be completely wrong! I have just learned not to trust creators to handle things the BEST way, but that doesn't mean it won't be handled in a GOOD way. Hopefully that makes sense, lol. I think some people will be satisfied and some people won't, just like every other story. The shippy photoshoots and marketing have been delightful! I can't tell if they're baiting until I see the last episode. I think they were just having fun, but some comments from cast and creators would definitely seem a bit baity if the payoff is underwhelming. We'll see!

I really hope the season goes out with a bang and we all have something to love about it; especially Saurondriel shippers!

[sbk-zgvlt]

Twisted wonderland au the only change being that, instead of meeting Ace on the first day Yuu meets Sebek.

HE GOT LOST 💀💀💀

He was trying to find Malleus through Lilia's directions ("He's probably admiring some marble and stone during these hours." "???? I DONT UNDERSTAND.") and mistook Lilia's cryptic comment referring to gargoyles to be about the statues of the Great Seven.

Of course, he was surprised when he happened upon a human with their monster-cat??? familiar???? When he was expecting his young master

He immediately provokes them on sight, shouting why they're here. Yuu says that they were just passing through!!! Before Grim asks him about the statues. Sebek's jaw drops because??? These guys dont know who the Great Seven are??? PREPOSTEROUS (Proceeds to info dump to them)

Things actually go smooth from there!!! Sebek is pleasantly surprised that Grim is genuinely interested in the Great Seven and Yuu butts in with their own insightful questions. It all crashes to the ground when Sebek makes an offhand comment of how he can't believe that the school allowed a human walk around, especially with a CLEARLY not trained pet.

Cue Grim scorching the statue of the Thorn Fairy instead!!! Sebek is AGHAST. He is wailing on the ground begging for forgiveness, even before Crowley happens upon them. Crowley sighs and orders them to wash the windows, things go the same once more!

You might think: Oh, Sebek would NEVER ditch Yuu and Grim like Ace did, ESPECIALLY since its a punishment given from the headmaster himself. Consider the fact that Sebek has not seen nor heard from Malleus ever since he entered school premises, was trying to find him and is STOPPED from doing so because a human and their cat who probably has rabies scorched the THORN FAIRY'S statue.

He's going to try and find Malleus, ditching Yuu and Grim.

Now this is getting too long. So.

They actually catch Sebek without any help since Grim was unable to ditch Yuu 🫶

This Yuu is a bit more...wild (They fling Grim at the chandelier so that the chandelier could LAND ON SEBEK)

Crowley threatens expulsion and Sebek WAILS

The crying was so pathetic that Crowley told them to bring a magestone within the day, not before the sun sets/lh

They get to the mines, and Yuu and Sebek are BICKERING the whole time. "I CANT BELIEVE A PATHETIC HUMAN LIKE YOU HAS DRAGGED ME INTO YOUR MESS!!!" "WHO DITCHED THE PUNISHMENT THAT THE HEADMASTER HIMSELF GAVE US, HUH??? I CAN STILL SEE THOSE TEAR TRACKS" "SHUT UP!!!!"

Grim tried to butt into the conversation but Sebek and Yuu literally couldnt hear him over their shouting 💀

They encounter the ghosts 🔥🔥🔥 Sebek SCREAMS. Yuu makes fun of him as they run away and theres a slight hint of Sebek being scared of ghosts because of someone who "liked to dress up for halloween" (Lilia)

MAGESTONE SPOTTED 🔥🔥🔥

BLOT MONSTER ALSO SPOTTED 💀💀💀

They run away again, but not without Sebek saying bullshit about telling Yuu to run away WHILE IN THE WAY OF THE BLOT MONSTER. "STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE" "GET OUT OF HERE HUMAN, BEFORE BOTH OF US DO!" "ID LIKE FOR BOTH OF US TO STAY ALIVE ACTUALLY"

Yuu is able to convince Sebek to retreat and confronts him about his self-sacrifice bullshit. Sebek says that he's more durable than a human anyway. Yuu's concern is replaced with frustration, not knowing that Sebek is...technically right (THEY DONT KNOW HE'S HALF-FAE LMFAOOOO)

THEYRE STILL ABLE TO GET THE MAGESTONE!!! They distract the blot monster by making GRIM bait ("WHY CANT THE HENCHMAN DO IT" "YOURE SMALL AND YOU CAN BREATH OUT FIRE, YOU WANT TO SEND A HUMAN OUT THERE!?!!?!?" "Should i be offended") and Sebek uses his magic to defeat it. Yuu grabs the magestone and theyre OUTTA THERE

Grim eats the blot stone, except Sebek Heimlich maneuvers the fucking stone out of him. YEAH. THATS RIGHT. WE'RE GOING CANON DIVERGENT BABY (The stone reminded him of Lilia's cooking he not letting a bro go through that by a fucking STONE)

They get back to Crowley's office only to find him sleeping. Better be glad Sebek didnt find him with the expulsion papers he wouldve bawled

Yadda yadda, Yuu and Grim become one student, yadda yadda, Sebek and Yuu agree to NEVER speak about this experience ever again. They both expect to never bump into each other ever again

...Sebek finds out its past curfew and he's been locked out of Diasomnia (He would sleep in the courtyard but its so fucking cold no way in hell) (He knocks on Ramshackle's door looking like a kicked puppy) (Yuu lets him in out of pity)

Then ACE busts down the door, expecting NO ONE inside Ramshackle

Book 1 baby

yeah this shit long lawl uhhh id say ill continue but ill most likely forget send me an ask for each book about this if yo have low faith in me remembering 🙏🙏🙏

[pralinesims]

the real question I have, is how many of Maggie/Aaron's followers on social media spend their time shipping the two of them together/assuming they're secretly dating/waiting for them to get together?

I've noticed people do this on tiktok with people who make content together all the time, and I want to know if people do, and how Maggie and/or Aaron feel about it if that happens lmao

LMAO you know how people are on social media, humans do really reallyyy love to speculate & project on such things, so I would say that yes, just like you've assumed, a big amount of their followers think they're actually a couple, but just hiding it + another portion hoping for them to become a thing one day. Like, if one of them would say they're not actually are a couple, it simply isn't believed, or follows with people rooting for them lol.

BUT!!! THEY'RE TOTALLY AWARE OF THAT ASPECT and also like to bait people into thinking they have a thing for each other, as after all, they REALLY like to farm for reactions. Like look, these are the kinda pics they post??? You can't tell me they don't enjoy the rumor mill.

Which doesn't much help their allegations, or what I'd also like to say in Aaron's case, it kinda benefits him, as online he does mostly like to either hide or rather cryptically talk about the fact that he hasn't been much involved in relationship stuff yet (+ another relating fact, but Maggie DID offer him privately in a semi-joking manner to take his virginity, not because she is extremely interested in him, but bc she likes to believe this aspect is a small burden on him and she'd genuinely help him with her generous favour LMAO).

Their personal feelings? Well, Aaron usually loves the attention ofc, and Maggie thinks it's fun & hilarious to stretch it out this much.

[true-illusion]

So, I finally got round to watching the new Doctor Who season.

I had lost interest since Clara became the companion and after Peter Capaldi was the Doctor. I only watched two episodes of Jodi Whitaker - the first episode and the one with John Barrowman and Jo Martin. I thought both episodes were rubbish. Plus, it took effort to find and download the show, so I stopped watching. I haven’t gotten round to the Tennant specials cos I thought they were just nostalgia bait.

So, I was very sceptical, going in to Ncuti Gatwa’s era. I worried it would be another snooze fest that was more interested in being PC and box-ticking than telling a good story. But I had nothing else to do, and it was on Disney, so I turned it on.

IT WAS SO GOOD. I binge watched the whole thing in two days.

I could definitely see Russell T. Davis’ hand in it. It felt like the Eccleston and Tennant era episodes. It was exciting and fun and funny, but not too silly. They made a social point without being too preachy. Ncuti Gatwa is growing on me - I think the binge watching format made it harder to sink in that, "yes, he’s the Doctor". But I’m getting there.

But, I think it was Ruby that carried the season. There were quite a few Rose-type moments. But she was different enough to be her own person. I liked Ruby overall. She was sweet, she felt genuine, and she was not forced into that “sassy/arrogant” characterisation. I was invested in her story.

Her mum was not bad - Jackie Tyler was still better, imo, cos though she had a heart of gold, she still had her flaws. Ruby’s mum was just too perfect. Gran was hilarious though. I want more scenes with Gran just waiting for someone to finally give her a cuppa.

[ALERT: SPOILERS AHEAD]

Some episodes were better than others. Episode 2 “The Devil’s Chord” was AMAZING; it is the episode I want to go back and rewatch. They should have incorporated “American Pie” into it at some point. Haha! Jinkx Monsoon as the Maestro was brilliant. It was so larger-than-life and over-the-top, it was fantastic. Only thing I hated was the twist song at the end. Cringe.

Episode 5 “Dot and Bubble” was also amazing because of how disturbing it was. How people cannot function - cannot look at the world, can't even walk - without the devices, how Lindy sacrificed Ricky to save herself, how they refused to let the Doctor save them in the end. It felt like a reflection of our society and the trajectory we could be on.

Episode 1 “Space Babies” was pretty lame. If I had seen that first instead of the Christmas episode, I might have not continued. The babies were just cringe, and the snot monster… ugh. Plus, with the space station and giving Ruby universal roaming which she immediately called her mum with - it was a bit too much like Eccleston’s Doctor and Rose’s first outing.

The Christmas episode itself also wasn’t great, but it introduced the characters and the season's central mystery well, and got me interested in them. The episode reminded me of Labyrinth. “Magic Dance” kept running through my head. The bad-luck goblins were funny. Unfortunately, this Goblin King is no David Bowie. Also, no sinister robot Santas or killer Christmas trees that were a staple of past Christmas specials. It irked me a bit that the entire season’s central mystery might have been solved if the Doctor had just went up to Ruby’s mother then. He knew she was looking for her mother. He knew they couldn’t go back cos he couldn’t cross his own timeline. So why didn’t he go to her?? (Ok, then there wouldn’t be drama for the rest of the season. Lol!)

Episode 3 “Boom” was also weak. It tried to deal with strong themes - war, family, faith. It introduced interesting technology. But the story itself doesn’t hold up too well. The way the war started and continued was just too far fetched. I thought it was cool that majority of the thing took place just in that one crater though.

Meanwhile, other episodes left question marks. Episode 4 “73 Yards” was good (I loved the Welsh landscape), but a bit too much of building up to something and then it’s an anticlimax. Eg the people at the pub building up to some horror movie scenario, and then it was just some delivery person at the door. Roger just running away and giving up politics just like that? Maybe I just wasn’t paying full attention, but it was a bit too timey-wimey and weird. What was it that the woman said to all those people to make them run away screaming? Was she really Ruby all along? Where was the Doctor all that time?

And episode 6 “Rogue”… silly story with the cosplaying aliens, but it was a nice bit of fun after “Dot and Bubble”. It made me laugh the way they kept referencing Bridgerton, and how the characters were all about the Drama, with a capital D. The resolution of Ruby pretending to be the Chuldur was very disappointing bait-and-switch. But I love Rogue. I want to see more of him. Why couldn’t he stay? He could be the new Captain Jack Harkness (not that anyone could replace Capt Jack Harkness). Rogue and the Doctor together was something special (and not just in the sexual way). I want him as another companion. But the way it ended, I don’t think we’d see him again.

I don’t have much to say about the last two finale episodes, “The Legend of Ruby Sunday” and “Empire of Death”. It was a rollercoaster. It was intense. It was a bit too “Bad Wolf”. There was a lot going on but I’m not really sure what was happening. I liked seeing Kate from UNIT and the old companion Mel. Kate’s “sign out” line made me emotional. Unfortunately, she didn’t stay dead in the end. I also never watched the old episodes with Sutekh, so I don’t think I got it. The scale of the destruction was just too big in this story. The Doctor just randomly going down to that planet to get the spoon… why? If Sutekh could track dead skin cells then why couldn’t he get to the Doctor instead of through Mel? And just conveniently, the DNA test law pops up. Did Ruby find her mother in the database or not? The end resolution with the magic rope and thingy felt, again, like more bait-and-switch. I was intrigued about the concept of how Ruby’s mother is not actually important except that they had placed importance on her, thereby imbuing her with more worth. But I don’t get why Sutekh couldn’t see her or why he cared. But again, maybe I wasn’t paying full attention. The end ending was sweet - how the Doctor didn’t think Ruby should go talk to her mother but Ruby did it anyway and it worked out well. And then more questions at the end. Who exactly is that neighbour woman?

I hope Ruby returns next season. Honestly, I watched this season more for her than for the Doctor. I'm glad I gave this season a chance. I’ll watch next season, for sure.

[stepfordgoth]

Alright I'll talk about it once just to sort my thoughts, and then I'll be done with it. That debate last night was infuriating. Not to be dramatic but I think the american people lost that debate. Like did we actually come away from it having learned anything new about either candidate? Did any undecided voter that watched the debate make up their mind? I really doubt it. It was all just more of the same shit that American politics has been made of for the last decade.

I feel like the most frustrating part is that it just kept going in circles. I didn't watch all of the debate so I'm sure someone will tell me if I'm wrong, but it seemed like Kamala didn't really answer most of her questions or talk about her policies and plans, she just kept saying things like "remember what a monster that guy is? Remember [this bad thing] and [that bad thing]? My opponent is such a bad person. We can't let him back into office." Etc. And for someone who otherwise kept talking (abstractly) about moving forward and not backward, she sure seemed to only talk about things trump has done in the past, and not what she's planning for our future. For me, that's a big mistake on her end because other than the things she's said about refusing an arms embargo on Israel, and her most recent comments about fracking, I literally, genuinely, have no idea what she stands for. And instead of talking about the change she wants to make and the way she'll do it, she rested on the default democrat strategy of "let the idiot speak and let the people hear him", (even telling people to go to his rallies! Are you fucking insane????) which has been tried SEVERAL times over the last decade as a strategy against trump specifically, and really should be put to rest because it keeps failing. And of course, trump can't not take the bait, so he spends all of his allowed time defending himself and throwing in little insults every chance he gets. So it was back and fourth arguing about things that have already happened, that literally everyone watching the debate was alive for. Rehashing old shit. Really nothing about moving forward, other than the phrase "moving forward" itself being repeated several times.

It's just tiresome, you know?

And when Kamala wasn't talking about Trump's past, she was proudly name-dropping notoriously hated warhawks and republicans who are endorsing her this time around. And fracking, she apparently loves fracking! Very pro fracking! I gathered that. As if either of these things are what people want to hear! Once again the blue candidate campaigning on positive emotions really isn't all that different from the red candidate, and the whole blue strategy is to just focus on how the red candidate is already associated with a lot of negative emotions and coast from there. It almost feels manipulative at this point. She's supposed to be the "lesser of two evils", isn't she? It's just such a frustratingly circular thing.

How the fuck are these two people the best we have? That's so depressing.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Oh, look, more Ted Lasso 3.1 thoughts

So many. Let's go to the bullet points:

Rebecca thinking she's fine about the whole Rupert and Nate thing and clearly NOT being okay with it to the point of wanting Ted to be an asshole in response to Nate, but then, when Ted is Ted, Rebecca's realization comes from Keeley PRAISING her for a decision she didn't even make. But Rebecca realizing through Keeley's genuine praise (because Keeley wasn't there) that the best decision is to let Ted be Ted was just a really great, layered Rebecca moment.

Keeley's office doesn't look like Keeley. The neon sign does. Her wardrobe does. Those people in that office? The couch furniture in her own office? None of that is Keeley. That is Keeley thinking this is what it looks like to go into corporate PR with investor money. I look forward to watching furry pillows and glittery accessories take over the office as Keeley finds her confidence in a different phase of her career.

We all fucking know Roy is the one who decided they needed a break, and Roy, you fucking walnut. I get it. I look forward to the story of it. But the story is Keeley saying, "If I put this off again," and trying to comfort Roy, and Phoebe, smart nugget that she is, knowing stupid when she sees it. Keeley has agreed to this break up because Roy thinks it's needed, and she has no doubt spent a lot of time trying to talk him out of it. They deserve each other wholly, and I can't wait for Roy to get slapped in the face with that.

The himbos are doing great. So proud of all of them. But, yes, especially Jamie but also Richard making clear that a fine wine is not an expensive wine. But also also, all of our boys.

I love you, Jan Mass. You keep up being Dutch, kiddo.

Beard being proud of Ted for learning soccer shit and also knowing how long to wait before getting back on the bus with a toad venom-addled driver is just the perfect dichotomy of Beard.

I have a lot of thoughts about Ted's actual relationship with Henry (clearly positive and happy and healthy) and what he thinks the relationship is (distant and unhappy because he's not physically there), but if I go down that road, I'm never coming back. In short, I hope that part of Ted's journey this season is realizing he is a great fucking father and that physical distance doesn't change that.

Ted calling Sharon for a clearly planned session right after dropping off Henry? That is fucking PROGRESS my friends. And not just that, but also he doesn't question Sharon setting time boundaries OR setting personal boundaries.

I LOVE that Sharon allows him to ask personal questions because the personal connection is absolutely what Ted needs. And I love that she refuses to give him clear answers and doesn't rise to the bait he tries to set out with 'You usually say no'. The way he asks the team and the sport then asks the number of Australians, then guesses rugby, and Sharon confirms NOTHING? That's top-tier therapist shit. And we all knew she was that good, but now Ted clearly knows it too and TRUSTS it, more importantly.

I didn't notice until gif sets, but they named the stadium after Earl. Which. Shut up.

Higgins having matching Keeley mascara on his shirt makes me SO HAPPY. Because it tells you without showing you that Higgins and Keeley are still close and caring about each other. And Rebecca and Higgins having a moment about it is so NICE. Just NICE. It's fucking NICE.

I mentioned Sharon's boytoy in another post, but I want to repeat it because 1) she deserves it, and 2) he shows he deserves HER because he's wearing headphones while she talks to a client, and he doesn't take them off until after she walks in the room, clearly off the phone. He respects her as a professional. This is very important and excellent.

I am going to find Rupert and kick him in the balls as many times as I can in one minute, then I'm going to take a five minute breather and start again.

The isolation of Nate at West Ham (alone on the escalator; not answering to a polite hello; standing far away from his co-coach on the field; working far away from the locker room) is intentionally uncomfortable for us as an audience. We're used to a very collaborative coach in a close-knit environment. But that's not Nate's story. Nate's story is one of thinking isolation and arrogance will save him from his worst self-fears. We all know that shouldn't be his goal, but it isn't about how WE know he's wrong. It's about NATE figuring out he's doing it wrong.

There is no fucking way Rupert didn't know it was Nate's car when he towed it. New guy. New car in the fancy lot. Does he ask, though? No. That would be healthy. Instead, he sets it up so Nate can see he's disappointed in him without him saying it (a common abuse tactic), and then lovebombing him with a new car as a way to tighten his control (another common abuse tactic). He also encouraged Nate's worst tendencies to build a sense of safety that isn't actually there because Rupert will absolutely use those same groomed instincts at a later date against Nate (more abuse tactics).

I hope Rupert gets him by a team bus is what I'm saying. And I want Nate to be driving it and do it on purpose, frankly.

I don't want it to be Rebecca only because she's beyond that point of her anger. But I def want her to be a character witness for Nate.

I want Ted to stay in England. He's talking a lot about how he doesn't know why he is where he is or doing what he's doing. And I know a lot of people hope he goes back to Kansas. But that's not my hope. My hope is that Ted will realize he's doing great stuff with these boys and that he's a great dad even with physical distance, and he finds a new love and appreciation for himself that is directly connected to making this huge, confusing, and messy leap to go to England.

You can do something dumb (run to England to escape your failing marriage) and learn that while your instincts may have been dumb, the overall result is positive and good for you.

Which, also, could be Nate's arc this season. He made several dumb decisions about being a source and going to West Ham, but the end result could be, "Oh, shit, I don't want to be this shitty person." and then he can grow and change on a similar but different path to Ted.

Okay, that's enough. That's very long. I get a lot of feels.

[whattraintracks]

13. Worthless - TMNT 1987

Some thoughts on Raphael, master of disguise.

There's this scene in "Raphael, Turtle of a Thousand Faces" (s05e16) that I think about a lot.

So Raphael is taking a remote class on undercover detective work, and the other turtles make fun of him practicing disguises for an assignment. Splinter checks on him after he storms off, and it's such a short conversation, but I think there's more going on under the surface.

First of all, Splinter's reaction to learning about the class is hilarious. His face is fun to watch and he's so baffled he literally gasps. But then you can tell he tries to be patient and understanding. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Is it, why would you want to be anything other than a ninja? Or maybe, you've never expressed interest in this before, where is this coming from?? If you've ever worked for a while with the same group of kids or adolescents, you may be familiar with this thought.

At first glance, Raphael's response breaks my heart. He tells Splinter he's taking this class to make "more of a contribution to the mean green team! You know, something special." My immediate thought is that he's feeling a little worthless. But then I step back and wonder if I'm reading too far into it. Taking the time to learn a new skill to better support your teammates is a worthwhile endeavor. This is not, on its own, necessarily an indicator of low self-esteem. But what bothers me is that nobody knew he was doing this. Again, not explicitly a bad thing, but it seems weird to me that he wouldn't involve the other turtles or at least let them know about it so they can support him.

So Splinter, of course, immediately reassures him they're all special. Also not sure what to make of how he says this because it sounds some combination of fond and amused but also just conciliatory. What's interesting is what Raphael says next, and how he says it causes me to question that initial assumption again. He agrees, almost genuinely? Like he says "maybe" but not in a "yeah, I guess" choosing-not-to-argue-but-feeling-otherwise kind of way, he sounds sincere. Now, this could be him saying, well, duh, we're special, how many other crime-fighting turtle men do you know? This would line up with stuff he's expressed throughout the series. But he finishes very showy and cheerfully with, "But I'll be the only master of disguise!" So maybe that first impression was wrong. Maybe this is just a teenager branching out and discovering other interests. Maybe the secrecy was because he was worried the guys would make fun of him—which they did. Or maybe, he wants to distinguish himself from the other turtles, wants his own thing. 

And I wonder why he might feel like he needs his own thing or specialty. One of my favorite parts about the team dynamic in this series is that they don't really have designated roles. Leonardo is the leader in that he keeps them rallied and on task, but they all take turns offering plans and solutions, serving as the distraction, playing bait, or, more practically, just driving or flying. But since Leonardo has a defined role as the leader/master ninja, Donatello as the inventor/the one who gets them out of trouble (see one of my favorite Raphael lines at the end of "My Brother, the Bad Guy"), and even Michelangelo as the chef/pizza guy, maybe he's feeling some anxiety over his own ambiguous role.

But I can't get rid of the feeling that he thinks he's not enough and the others are brushing it off. Especially after their weak apologies—"We didn't know you were actually serious about this disguise thing." Especially as he tries so hard to prove his dedication and skill and ends up in a lot of trouble in the rest of this episode. Especially when he gives up private investigation but immediately throws himself into chemistry at the end of the episode, once again on his own and without help.

This happens in one episode, and as far as I remember, they never talk about it again, but he's my little guy, and I worry, okay! I just want him to be happy and know he's loved and valued.

[quandaryqueen]

Since requests are open again, could you perhaps do some headcannons for Yandere! Young Justice Riddler?

White knuckle jerk

Yandere Young Justice Edward Nygma X Reader

Yandere? YJ Eddie? Oh my god my loves 😍💕 oh lordy labacamoo, I love you for requesting this. I am so sorry it took too long, I just really needed the time to think about how I can do this request justice and I really hope I did

Also, I'd love to try something new for the Reader's role. You'll see.

CW: Yandere Content, Toxic Relationship Dynamic

💚 Yanderes are a different kind of breed, aren't they? Just the absolute worse, to think they are entitled to a person just because the object of obsession looked their way once and now the Yandere won't stop until they're satisfied on how they have their darling in their grasp.

There are myriad classifications of Yandere. There's the sadistic, protective, delusional, laid-back, vouyeristic, etc etc.

Then there's Edward Nygma, the Riddler, the pathetic one. The one who tries to hold over control over his darling in a way that's degradingly cute of him to try and cuff you to the bed, only to apologize, kneeling, crying, clinging, pleading for you to forgive him, as he kisses your feet for forgiveness.

💚 You were caught as object of obsession, the hot topic among circles of villainy, you've made a name for yourself, an instant terror struck upon the masses and a threat to be snuffed out... All he ever wanted.

And so he set out to watch you for his pure fascination. How does one person in which a calibre like yours operates?

Well for one, he kept a record of your agenda and had managed to track footage of you through various security cameras from wherever you go. It was difficult at first but it's certainly a tell of his determination. From the direction of your headquarters, the bank you recently robbed, a construction site you rigged with explosives as bait for the heroes, your life as a civilian as well, wherein he'd observe you go on about your alter ego where you managed to hide your identity very well. It's simply laughable how you aren't cuffed by the police yet with this amount of footage.

Seeing you go from the cold, masked monster to a warm face that smiles back during encounters was jarring, but fascinating to him. And he can't even tell which one was an act and which was genuine.

💚 Now, the tricky part was making himself known... Wait... Isn't he already known? He has to be, he's been trying to establish himself as one of the greatest threats of Gotham, of course he'd be known! You'd know who he is! Who doesn't?

Anyways... He has pinpointed your latest agenda, striking up a deal with a little known rogue who has yet to make a name for themself. It would be easy to acquire access of their contacts, plus he thinks his reputation would be a great addition to be considered when he plans to make himself known to them as an ally and as a result, get to meet you.

💚 A crush? No. Fascination is the correct word. He isn't above admitting he looks up to you, that he admires your way of doing things and would like to emulate that.

💚 When the time came, he establish himself as an ally of the team, he finally met you.

"V/N, I presume? Your reputation precedes you,"

"Ah, I forgot. Y/N, this is the Riddler." Edward glances at the third person, who is apparently on a first name basis with you. And not to mention, how they sound more at ease around you.

"Riddler... I've heard of him. The one with the question marks," You merely looked over your friend with disinterest as if he weren't there. "And what other help can he offer our cost? Other than being utilised for a... Questionable bait." You paused, trying to find a word less offensive.

"I can assure you-- I'm quite effective in wide ranges of cyber-related needs, strategies, techs--"

"I suppose we can make use of you. Now, if you were to excuse us for a moment, I'd like to talk to Gaslight alone."

Edward practically shrank under your intensive gaze, before wordlessly excusing himself.

💚 One would think he'd be turned off after your display of decorum (lack thereof), he was not. For one, this treatment wasn't particularly new for him and second, he expected this. He has been watching you after all. What's more, he was compelled. How it will all feel worth it once he has done the unthinkable, the impossible. Little ol' him.

He was on the team. That, he can tick off the checklist. Now all to do was to get along with you or Gaslight, the rogue who has agreed to work with him. You seem to get along with them very well and perhaps through a mutual friend, he can develop a bond with you.

It was no easy task, he was prepared from the mount Everest of a research, you would be the most difficult person to conquer in any way. There was nothing you find more repulsive, like submitting under someone. Let alone someone like him. But he felt in control.

He knows what to do, what to expect.

💚 Everything about you wasn't easy. You are irritable to anyone you don't like, save for a few people you tolerate. You also pick up one of the myriads of masks and use it for your own benefit, building a beguiling reputation for being a soft-hearted, thoughtful angel to some, not so much when they turned around.

He was aware of just how you are when you're at your worst, striking unprovoked and ruining someone's life for your benefit without much an ounce of regret and how you can do that to anyone, including those who you seem to have deceived that you have bond. By the looks of it, you might do the same thing to him. But he doesn't care. If that makes him more to you, then take whatever you want from him.

💚 Stupidly persistent, determined, willing to take damage if it means pleasing you. Everything he takes from you, from the verbal hits to the bruises and welts, he was going to take it. Somehow, someway, he is going to have you under his control soon, pull the rag from under your feet...

And in his delusions, he sees himself as this soon to be dominant, in-control, ever so merciful Yandere who will be your everything. In his head, that's his conclusion. In reality, he couldn't hurt you, he couldn't bear the thought of making you cry, let alone lose all the things you want... But if he had to do that, then so be it. It would have been for a better cause, he justifies.

💚 It just so happens your second-in-command, best friend, Gaslight, first name Gayle and last name Ilaw happened to have failed to escape an exploding building from one of your missions... But don't worry, Edward was there for you, he will be your new best friend... Or more, if you'd like.

"What did you not understand about what I said?" You utter coldly, sparing no glances at the hindrance that is Edward. "Don't make me repeat myself."

"I am so sorry for your loss," Edward approaches your slumped figure standing by the balcony. He felt as though he was in your good graces to be excluded from the goons you've yelled at to leave after receiving the news of Gaslight's death.

Gaslight... Long time friend, someone you considered as family. Second-in-command, confidante... An important piece of you Edward had to yank out in hopes of filling her role. It was a massive gap to fill, but you should know by now, he would do anything.

"If you need someone to talk to, I am always a call away."

Edward could not help but to smile as he exit.

The normal you would have barked at him... This development was just what Edward needed, to see the cracks form and soon enough he'd be there to pick up the pieces for you. It will only be just a matter of time until he reduce you into nothing but broken shards of what used to be you, needing to be made whole again with him by your side.

[syscourse-confessions]

sorry this is VERY long but i have to get it off my chest

the idea that you have to have DID/OSDD-1 to be any sort of multiple/plural really fucked us up and led us to misdiagnosing ourself. it led us to such a horrible place in life

i remember my anti-endo friends used to call us "the only good endo" before convincing us to self-dx. i didnt even consider myself endogenic but that didn't matter to them, anyone different from them was an endo. they wouldn't let any headmates other than our host speak anywhere except for their own dedicated channel, while every other system's alters could speak anywhere they wanted. a lot of us felt so isolated

we were pressured by our anti-endo friends to take on the label of an OSDD-1 system, despite us barely knowing a thing about the disorder. this is not how self-diagnosis should go, but we felt like we would never truly have their support if we didn't follow what they wanted us to do. they celebrated this decision and for a long while, we thought that we really did have this disorder

i remember when i found out that those friends had made a discord channel to talk about me and my systemhood behind my back, speculate about my trauma, try to pick apart our words to find any hint of amnesia, and liveblogged what i thought were private conversations i was having about my trauma and questioning systemhood. i felt so mortified and violated but i said nothing

they did this because they thought my headmates sounded "too genuine" to not be DID alters

the anti-endo community sent me down this deep spiral of shame and dissociation, life felt even more like walking through a thick fog. i was being told who i was/wasn't allowed to talk to. what experiences i did/didn't have. what words i was/wasn't allowed to use. if i did or said the wrong thing, it would make me a bad person, so i better have stayed in fucking line

communities that were supposed to be focused on trauma recovery always focused so heavily on making fun of and bullying endogenic systems and suicide-baiting. even back when i was anti-endo, i felt so uncomfortable with the extent it got to, but i was not allowed to speak out against it

i started to question my self-dx and the anti-endo community when, based on no evidence other than the types of headmates we had, some people we knew started to tell us that we must have been through a very severe type of abuse that we just... never did, in reality. they told us that we must have very severe amnesia (which we don't), so we can't trust what we know about our own experiences - they wanted us to trust THEM with what has happened with our life and what hasn't

i know. "not all anti-endos". but enough anti-endos to hurt me. and enough anti-endos to be present in every single online community i'd been a part of. and pro-endo spaces are far from perfect, but at least there's people actually fighting

when i started learning more about DID, OSDD (as a whole, not just -1), DDNOS, and UDD, and when i started learning more about non-DID/OSDD-1 experiences of plurality such as endogenic plurality, i shed the anti-endo label. i lost friends and my old communities, but i gained freedom and trust in myself, and i'm slowly starting to heal as i find newer communities who will accept us for who we are, as a non-DID/OSDD-1 adaptive plural

i'm sorry this is so incredibly long. i just..really needed this. i feel like my experiences were maybe not that bad or at least not bad enough but i was already in a very bad place so it all just affected us very much

💙.

💙 - Vent

DISCLAIMER: Posts may or may not reflect accurate information. More info here: https://www.tumblr.com/syscourse-confessions/728819621058232320/disclaimer-treat-posts-here-like-you-would-any