#i cant believe it fuck im going to cry
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You're fucking telling me that according to Ubisoft, the nuke that destroyed America in Far Cry 5 was, in fact, Pagan Min's nuke that Ajay would had to have launched? Or, maybe someone else got access to it, Amita or Sabal, and they decided fuck it lets nuke Montana. Either way this is the most insane way they could have possibly explained the nukes and I don't know if I think it's really funny or really stupid or both
#like#im simultaneously like oh im just going to ignore that fact but also its so funny that i cant just ignore it either#its absurd as fuck like no way but also you know what? ajay/amita/sabal/whoever nuking america why not#i just cant believe that i only found this out now#i completely forgot to check pagans special ending lol#far cry#far cry 4#far cry 5
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MAC OHHH MY FUCKING GOD. ONE OF THE EPISODES OF A SHOW EVER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL AFTER THIS???? HOW???? how long is he going to be FUCKING DEAD FOR!!!! the ashe & mark argument that i felt deep within my soul & miserable on behalf of both parties about them!!! dakotaisms!!! the fucking like. genre conflict of their sillygoofy teen titans shenanigans with a real world where there r men with guns who will simply kill you!! THEYRE WEEKENDING AT BERNIES WILLIAM WISPS PURPLE MORPH SUIT COVERED CORPSE. kicking down your door with a loud bang & then just standing there wild eyed kind of shaking and trembling like a chihuahua
DUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE HEAH. FUCK. s1e19 definitely one of my favorites of all time. i listened to that one during the back half of my shift this afternoon and got to the ashe/mark argument just as i was starting pm checks.... standing in the cramped laundry room in the basement washing my filter socks like
i think about them so much dude. AND THEYRE BOTH RIGHT. WHICH MAKES IT HURT MORE. LIKE. BOTH THEIR SIDES ARE SO REAL. i cannot wait for u to learn more about them pleaseeeee i need 2 talk winters family analysis with you when you get to . certain parts. season 2 is gonna fucking wreck u i know it.
BUT. THEY BALANCE IT OUT WITH THE SILLIES SO VERY FUCKING WELL. GOD. good fucking show dude. good fucking show !!!!!! williams ghost throwing ice cubes at mark while his fucking. rotting corpse sits in the bathtub!!! what thefuck man
#ITS REALLY FUNNY LIKE. JUST HOW FUCKING EMO THIS SHOW MAKES ME. AND LIKE. SEASON 1 IS TAME. IF U CAN BELIEVE IT.#i know i keep hyping up season 2 but genuinely i have not full on sobbed at a show like i did at pd season 2 in so long.#like. could not listen to the show at work bc i fully could not stop myself from crying#and didnt want to do that outside the safety of my apartment type episodes.#ughhhhhh#HEY. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. ONE OF MY FAVORITE MARK WINTERS MOMENTS HAPPENS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT EPISODE. ITS SO FUCKING SILLY.#also i have an animatic of it so i cant wait 2 send u that when u get there hehehehehe#im strategically not answering any of your questions about wiwi because if i start talking about him rn ill go crazy .#literally always thinking about wiwi wisp at all times every day#u come stand in the doorway of my room shaking like a chihuahua#and i am sitting here on the couch like. a fuckign . grizzled old pyrenees who has spent his life battling coyotes#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#UGHGHGHH GOING CRAZY ABOUT PRIME DEFENDERS FOREVER.#OH I CAN SEND YOU TRIVIA NOW. YIPPEE
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i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.
i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please
i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light
#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them#i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow#so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday#i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day#its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad#he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that#im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it#wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser#that shouldnt be normal!!!!#but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships#bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year#so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again#i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be#but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are'#but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔#and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into#my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing#not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes#its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters#but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight#and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock#vent#ptsd#sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again#i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself#im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can#theres only so much i can do#when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal#i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything
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CHSBCJX I THINK WE'RE FINALLY GETTING A JUNSUNG SUNGHO DATE NEXT WEEK "ITS FINALLY TIME" ITS WHAT WE DESERVE!!!!:
#I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK FOR THIS THIS IS A CRIIIIIIIME AGAINST ME.#JUNSUNG IS GOING TO BE SOOOOO HAPPY SUNGHO LOOKS SO HAPPY TOO IM GONNA CRY#sorry seonwoo but like PLEASE fuck off lmao i DONT care about him at all anymore i just have 2SUNG VISION SORRY NOT SORRY.#god ALL THE LITTLE MOMENTS THESE 2 HAD IN EPS 3 AND 4 AND 5 .... THE NOTES THEY LEFT EACH OTHER#THE WAY JUNSUNG SAID 'I MISS YOU ALL DAY' AND SUNGHO WAS SO FLUSTERED OH MAN I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#U KNOW WHAT FUCK IT IM REWATCHING EPS 3 AND 4 AND 5 AGAIN BC THEY WERE SO GOOD IN THEM.#his man 2#faiza talks
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[Through grit teeth] Healing is not linear :)
#Im so disappointed in myself Im going to cry I cant believe I relapsed after being clean for over a year#I need to go the fuck to sleep. Long and shitty fucking day#God I casnt believe I did that whyu did I do that I dont even feel better now I just feel worse#malhare.txt
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#never got to say goodbye#i need distractions but i feel awful about it i feel horrible abt thinking abt anything other than him#i wish i believed there was something out there#some kind of afterlife anything#little me did. she believed she could fix anything with magic#whats the fucking point of believing in magic if it cant bring people back#mum wouldnt stop crying and saying the same thing in hindi over and over#and idk what it was because i never bothered to learn#i never bothered to learn about him either#was she praying?#i wish i could pray#i hate hearing her cry and ive never heard anything like that before#maybe if id wished harder when we got the call this wouldnt have happened#and ik thats irrational#but its all im thinking#sat in the garden in the rain bc i couldnt stand the noise#and called my granddad#and all i was thinking was whens it going to be him#whens it my mum or my dad#i hated them i hated both of them but the thought of anything happening to them makes me sick#i hated them so much#and her little brother is dead#and i cant help her#i cant help me#idk what im feeling anymore#i couldnt breathe earlier#if theres anything out there#i hope there is#if i see him again i'm going to scream at him for leaving me#focus on that
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#i cant fucking believe im crying public#i hate this so much#hoping so hard that no one pays me any mind#i just want to go home
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I hate how even in asexual communities, it's still so hard to find other sex repulsed aces. Like idk it feels like no matter where I am, I'm the one who has a problem and I hate it. I never asked to be like this but at the same time I don't want people to keep treating me like I'm just damaged and need to be fixed. Or like it's fine as long as I don't impose it on other people...
idk how to explain to people that I'm not just internally tolerating things, I'm actually in a lot of pain over it. I'm not just disgusted, I'm panicking and upset over the fact that I feel disgust sometimes toward people I like very much actually. Idk I just feel like it's never talked about and it's extremely upsetting.
And the worst part is, if I tell people, everyone has their own assumptions about what "made me this way" and tbh that is just not something I'm comfortable with. My only choices are to either be uncomfortable because I'm panicking and being excluded from a lot of things (usually conversations but sometimes other things too) or to be uncomfortable because I set a boundary and asked people to stop and now everyone is either mad at me or making assumptions about me that I quite honestly don't think I'm okay directly addressing.
I don't know. I just wish there was some non-judgmental recognition that this makes so many things really really hard for me I guess.
#usually the assumptions are that i was sa'd and need to be 'fixed' in therapy#which is just. i dont even know how to explain how fucked up that is if you dont already see it#i dont want to talk about that with pretty much anyone. the only person ill talk to that about is my gf#and only when were alone and i know no ones going to judge me or see me breaking#i start shaking and crying and i cant stop and everytime i hear people making this assumption it puts me back in that headspace#where im so vulnerable and terrified and panicking#and i just hate it. i hate that other people can openly talk about their sexualities but mine is too personal#i do in a way want to be fixed but not with the outcome that other people would want#i just want to be okay. that is literally all i want. i still fully believe ill always be asexual#but when i tell people im sex repulsed its like they assume im secretly not asexual#i kinda think if they think that they probably also hate other asexuals but its just disguised better but idk#im just so tired of being uncomfortable all of the time. i hate it and i dont even know if its me that i hate or everyone else#id just like it to be neither someday#oh yeah also resources as in research and published studies and actually knowledgeable doctors are realllly hard to find#the majority is still overwhelming biased and believe that its a mental disorder and the result of sa too#and i just wish they would actually conduct studies without polluting them with their own biases all the time
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well. first day back at school was a fucking disaster
#i made a kid run crying out of the room because i said i didnt like them#ALL I SAID was that im not making a moral judgement on them. i dont think theyre a bad person. i just dont like them personally and i dont#think me mesh well together#i EMPHASISED that part#keep in mind this is after they randomly started extoling the virtues of cryptocurrencyto me#and how theyve made alot of money off it#and how it can be healthy for the enviroment because of solsr panels or whatever#and before that the class was doing a task wrong and i TOLD them they were doing itwrong and i POINTED OUT the evidence of that#and they were like. No. We’re doing it right. really shortly to me#so once the crypto thing started i was like. ok i cant take this anymore#and i just told them that and they burst out fucking crying??????? idk what i did wrong??????#i SAID i wasnt passing a moral judgement but idk if they believed me??? why would ilie about that?????#also why do they care what i think???? its just easier to get everyones emotions to the forefront right?#i. idk what i did.#also the class only has 3 other people so yay. going to have to deal with that#yeen rambles
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i just finished good omens and. what the fuck just happened. im in shock
#i was meant to go to sleep after this but the fixit fics are calling to me.....#im devastated but also i cant believe they actually confirmed it!!!!! holy fuck!!!#crying because WHAT A BREAK UP TO END ALL BREAK UPS but also crying because my queer little heart really got everything this season#good omens
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I miss Starscream. I miss when TF wasn't a goddamn trigger
#looking at RID references for someone's commission#and crying my eyes out :') i want my starlight back#i want my fucking joy back#fuck my abuser how can you give someone ptsd and feel absolutely no remorse#how do you abuse someone relentlessly when you know they're at their worst and not give a shit#how do ppl like that exist. i can only hope karma hits u like a bus ❤#3 years!!! of loving stsc!!! and i FLINCH at him??? i CRY when i see him?? he used to feel so safe and loving#i never felt safer with anyone else!!! and now it's like that safe feeling is so foreign. i just want to get better so bad#im so fucking empty without my special interest i dont know how to function day to day#looking at my loved ones and genuinely wholeheartedly believing they'd betray me and hurt me for my abuser#is the fucking worst feeling in the world and i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from meeting my abuser#i wish i listened to my gut i had such a bad gut feeling abt her CONSTANTLY#and yet i stayed bc she kept insisting she was gonna off herself if i didnt cater to her every emotion#over and over and over and over#i wish i could go back in time and change everything#its so hard!!!! you dont know!!! you dont know how hard this feels im struggling every day!!!!#TF was all i had and now it's gone and self shipping is supposed to be my escape#i just want my life back#i dont care what bad things happen to me if i just had stsc i know i'd get thru it but i cant anymore#everything hurts so bad all the time and im so scared im never gonna feel okay again#vent#delete later
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WOW my day gets worse when i thought it was better !!
#— rambles with cadie#that vinyl i got was warped so fucking bad dude#and i took it backto the store and was like ‘its warped can i like exchange it or get a refund or something’ and the woman#was sooo fucking rude to me the entire time. she told me there was nothing i could do about it. i couldn’t exchange nor could i get my money#back so i was like damn. okay then. and so after i take the vinyl off the counter and put my receipt back in my pocket#she follows me to the front door and yells at me ‘im going to report you for assaulting me.’ and i just. i blinked at her a few times like i#couldnt believe she had just said that. i didnt even make contact with her and i was very nice and mainly confused the entire time#and she just kept yelling at me as i left so i flipped her off and went back to my car and now im like.. what#the fuck do i do with a vinyl thats warped and skips so much throughout songs that i cant even sing along lmfao#yeah im gonna go cry i cant handle being yelled at by some bitch
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man i'm rereading s3p2 from the manga and actually crying rn
#the part where erwin pours his heart out to levi#and and levi tells him to give up on his dreams and charge to his death lead those crying children straight to hell#everybody forgets that last (badass) part of the quote#bc bc bc levi will take on his burden#levi knows all erwins sins and secrets and loves him anyway#im gonna throw up#the way erwin smiles#'there were so many times when i thought death would be so much easier'#bro the shock on levis face#like he cant believe this is happening but then he steels his expression when he looks up at erwin again and swears to him#fucking eruri man#what the fuck#kane says#....OKAY NOT TO MENTION LEVIS FIRST PLAN WAS for erwin and the survivors to escape using erens titan and HE'D go after the beast titan#bc as long as erwin and eren were alive there was hope in his opinion#and erwin IMMEDIATELY said no#levi barely finished#FUCKKKKKKKK#im cryign
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Im ashamed to say im back on my naruto shit
Hes my son your honor, hes just a little guy
Id die for him
#naruto#help i cant believe im about the hyper fixate on naruto for the 4th time#watching the first show reminds me of everything wrong with boruto especially art and animation wise#god I fucking hate boruto#anyways naruto so silly i love him so much#thinking about team 7 found family....#thinking about if sakura was well written...#so much potential.. wasted :c#I hc that shes actually not a boy crazy idiot and simply has a crush like a normal person and that she ACTUALLY HAS MUSCLES BC YA KNOW#HER WHOLE FUCKING THING IS STRENGTH CHARACTER DESIGNERS WERE YOU HIGH????#and I hc that she was actually used well in fight scenes like the one against puppet guy and she didn't cry for naruto to solve everything#and that she didnt fuck with his feelings in that one episode when she 'confessed' to get him to go home#and that sasuke wasnt a lame piece of edgy shit and was a better written antagonist#and that naruto didnt have an absolutely unhealthy obsession with him#sorry but people who ship naruto and sasuke are gross#its already abusive and unhealthy as all get out and now you want to add r o m a n c e???#im sure narutos crush on sakura got weird too#oh yeah like when he transformed into sasuke to trick her into kissing him#naruto writers be normal about romance for once please#shikamaru and temari and naruto and hinata were pretty good#idk personally I ship naruto and gaara and naruto and shikamaru#oops im rambling in the tags what can I say I fucking love naruto and have a lot of opinions on it
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YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHOS GOING TO SEE HOZIER IN AUGUST
#I CANT BREATHE#AFTER SHIT SHOW THAT WAS HIS EAT YOUR YOUNG TOUR TICKETS I CANT BELIEVE I GOT THESE FESTIVAL TICKETS#IM GOING GO SEE THE LOML WITH THE LOMLS#IM SO FUCKING EXCITED#if i cry it’s justified#hozier#hozier eat your young
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