#i cant speak without feeling selfish

[kidfoundonstreets]

this is exactly what i hate about myself

[batslinger]

im kind of wondering if i have like. depression or something. i dont want to self diagnose either (not that theres anything wrong with self diagnosing its just for some reason even if i do my research on a topic im constantly certain im wrong or some shit and i shouldnt do the thing... its like the everyone is genuinely doing great except for me and only me mindset. its weird and discouraging and it affects my ability to research as a whole)

majority of this is in the tags

[the-s1lly-corner]

If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?

I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.

TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !

oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me

CAINE:

if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too

POMNI:

as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence

JAX:

similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so

RAGATHA:

stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.

KINGER:

it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident

ZOOBLE:

zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.

"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security

GANGLE:

she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form

[dreamsandimagination]

Wish rewrite with Amaya as the villain (spoilers)

While I love Chris Pine as the narcasistic King Magnifico, I feel like they wasted a opportunity to have Amaya as a villain.

Instead of a confident narcissist, Magnifico is a timid yet sweet wizard who stays in his lab, waers ragged servant clothes behind closed doors, and doesnt come out that often, except to grant wishes. Think of him as a male version of Elsa and Snowwhite.

the pressure to grant everyones high expectations and his own introvert nature causes him to often screw up the wishes he has to grant at the ceremony. Note that the wishes that he grants are all materialistic yet harmless, like, "I want a puppy!" or "I want a house!"

Amaya, who serves as Mother Gothel/Evil Queen to Magnificos Rapunzel/Snowwhite, married him solidly because of his sorcery and has been secretly breaking his self-esteem over the years. She installed the dogma in Magnificos head that only SHE can judge wishes accordingly and that people cant be trusted with them because they are all selfish (which is true, to a extent). Not only that, but she also keeps Magnificos OWN wish - to be a great wizard - to herself as a means to control him.

Then, enter Asha, who sees this emotional abuse by accident and boldly speaks her mind to Magnifico about this, planting the first seed in Magnificos head that Amaya is using him, much like the town is using him for.materialistic wishes. Magnifico doesnt believe Asha because of denial - the wishing ceremony is the only time his subjects actually pay attention to him and his sorcery is his only means of value to the community - and so, he banishes her from the castle.

The movie could then still follow the same broad lines with Asha meeting Star and convincing the townspeople to rise up.

Unlike the materialistic wishes that Magnifico can grant with his staff, Star's magic can actually do wondrous things - like, grant an infinite number of wishes, make people magically fall in love with you, bring people back from the dead, etc. Once Amaya gets Star, she plans to dump Magnifico for the better option. As her methodes become more and more extreme to quell the revolutionists and find Star, Magnifico keeps the fragil peace between the revolutionists (who want all the wishes returned to them) and patriots (who are on Amaya's side and believe wishes should be governed). his popularity skyrockets, as people start to respect and see him as more than just a genie in a bottle. in turn, Magnifico becomes more confident.

Amaya becomes furious that the balance in their relationship has shifted. Fearing Magnifico becomes too comfident and will free himself from the abuse, she locks Magnifico up in the highest tower, steals his staff and absorbs the bad/selfish/harmful wishes that Magnifico keeps contained in a seperate vault.

The final battle/climax would then play out almost the same as in the movie: Asha and Star lure the "Queen" in a wild chase scene while her friends free Magnifico.

Magnifico is at his lowest point as Amaya forces all of Rosas, including himself, to its knees with the bad wishes. He is powerless without his staff and equipment to stand up to her. Asha reminds him that "he is a Star!", not because of his magic but because of his good heart.

Magnifico is freed from Amayas magical grip thanks to the belief of Asha and his people. He fuses with Star (think of Rapunzel in the Tangled series, when her eyes and hair glow) to fight Amaya in a sorcerous duel that pays tribute to Merlins duel with Madame Mim. He wins, imprisons her in the Mirror, stores the bad wishes back into the vault and revives the good wishes.

rin the ending, Star grants Magnifico his wish to be a great wizard, giving him the ability to grant powerful wishes like Star. Magnifico then rules as the King of Rosas with Asha as his right hand.

[ludinusdaleth]

re: your post about xerxes' innocence and optimism being seen as flaws or almost made into a joke. i think both the outside knowledge that asmodeus is a lying opportunist the internet's borderline hero worship of brennan also adds to this; they believe xerxes is meant to be /punished/ for being stupid and selfish enough to trust a devil.

i think you've hit the target pretty well, anon.

i do want to clarify i dont think zerxus is "innocent" in nature about the gods. he knew who asmodeus was; he read about him often, feeling kinship. but i think that speaks to how fundamentally empathetic zerxus is that he turned his anguish over being lonely, isolated from his son, his husband, even his own party, and turned that to feeling almost.... kindness. and it came pouring out, all these feelings of projection and wishing to care for someone again, onto asmodeus. i deeply sympathize on that front; he wants to believe that anyone can be saved because he doesnt know how to fix himself and the broken pieces of his life. is that arrogance, to seek some shred of kindness to prove that it exists?

what bothers me is labeling zerxus arrogant (and all the other traits people detest him for) came from asmodeus's mouth. at the time, the fanbase would not trust a word he said - not his canon past with divine family, not his anguish over losing that family, nothing that zerxus saw and empathized with - but they did all think asmodeus wasnt lying when he said zerxus was arrogant. when what is significant about asmo calling him that is hes projecting as much as zerx is. and the thing is, in canon we know zerxus's belief isn't fruitless (and i think asmodeus knows it deep down too). we know the gods struggle with emotion as much as mortals do (see literally the same scene, zerxus saying asmo hates so purely because he hates himself and asmo biting his lip in fury knowing he cant respond back without proving him right), and can even be swayed to listen (asmodeus is having to help the other gods and mortals right now). we know folk like jester who saw kindness where there genuinely wasnt and still managed to help others find it anyway. it was simply the wrong place at the wrong time. it was the age of arcanum. it was cruel. and zerxus's flaws, while fascinating and many, were not hubris or arrogance. id say his fatal move was being blinded by love that was marred by projection, and he could not see (between his low intelligence score and his desperation) how his love specifically was so important to be weaponized.

as for the brennan point, i do enjoy his dm'ing, but any time he dms for cr you can feel people act like hes here to.... punish? straighten out the kinks? especially right now. somehow fans expect a man they obsess over being a leftist to justify aeorian genocide, "fix" matt & aabria's very long standing interpretations of gods as complex individuals who canonically colonized exandria in such a way that even mortals call it out. i think a large part of that is why they interpreted zerx as "arrogant terrible man righteously suffers under his choices". but.... even brennan gave zerx a chance because he chose to unwaveringly redeem. even he said that his love & hope was not wrong. luis likes & replies kindly to posts on twitter about people who relate to zerxus for being manipulated & abused for choosing to love. matt has said asmodeus is so aware of how fundamentally good zerxus is that he wont let him leave his side. you may choose to read brennan's interpretation of the devil as a christian one punishing sinners, but cr wouldnt be cr if every story did not come down to unending hope & empathy & belief in others even if it took a thousand years for it to come to fruition. and brennan is part of the enduring of that idea.

[ravenromanova]

Is It Really You? Pt.1

Parings: MoM Wanda x female reader Other universe Wanda x female reader

Warnings: None?

Summary: Wanda wants to find billy and tommy but y/n tries to stop her with the help of Dr strange and America. Y/n gets transported to another universe in the fight. Where will she end up? Will wanda get her way and get the darkhold? or will y/n stop her?

your pov: 

Im currently running for my life desperately trying to find somewhere to hide while i figure out my next step. As im running down the streets of new york looking on each side of me trying to find somewhere to go i see what looks like an abandoned house. I run into the house and find a chair to put underneath the door handle... not like that'll stop her if she tries to get in. I sit on the what looks like 200 hundred year old dusty couch and try to recollect myself. thinking back to the events that just took place

* flashback*

" you don't need her power! she's a kid please try and be reasonable here, i know you wanna be with them i know you want to find them but this isn't the way to get what you want. if you do this you'll kill the poor girl! please! just think for a minute!" i scream at the woman in front of me trying to reason with her

" (y/n) this is me being reasonable, darling please you have to understand that i just want our boys.. thats all i want and i will do anything in my power including taking the child's power if that means i can be with billy and tommy." she spits out and i just stare at her in disbelief. i cant believe she's really thinking about doing this.. well not even thinking more like just letting me know her plan.

" Wanda please... don't do this." i plead tears swelling in my eyes. i know she wants our kids. i know she wants us to be a happy family but i cant let her hurt an innocent child. i wont let her do this. even if that means i die trying i love her more than anything but i wont help her kill a child.

" (y/n) if you don't get out of my way i will have no choice but to make you get out of my way. you might be the love of my life but if you wont let me see our children then i cant be held responsible for my actions." she says turning her attention back to the dark hold and i gasp in utter shock. those words couldn't have just come out of her mouth thats not possible. no she- she loves me she wouldn't hurt me theres no way... right?

  i stay silent for a few minutes racking my brain on how to stop her. eventually she walks away for a few and without even thinking about it i grab the darkhold and run for dear life. probably wasnt the best choice but its the only one i had at the moment. i didn't know where i was gonna go all i knew was i needed to get the darkhold away from wanda. 

I assume she realizes i took the book when i can feel the ground underneath me shaking and the buildings trembling. i see flashes of red hitting things in front of me flipping cars, trash cans and anything else flippable attempting to make it to where i was stuck. But i just dodged and jumped over and passed anything she threw my way.

" GIVE ME THE DARKHOLD (Y/N) I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO HURT YOU!" wanda screams at me from behind i turn to look at her and stopped to speak to her

" NO! i will not let you hurt a child for your own selfish reasons. i wanna be with the boys too! i wanna be a family too! but this isn't the way wanda! and you know it you cant kill a child and i wont let you even if that means you kill me in the process i don't care anymore. i tried to reason with you. i tried to love you. tried to help and no matter what you were always more obsessed with getting what you want no matter who you hurt! even me..." i yell back at wanda as she floating in the air. i can see my words hurt her but at this moment i don't care. the woman i loved is gone and isn't coming back and thats very clear now.

  Wanda is about to say something when right before she can she is blasted out of the sky by what looks like a gold/orange blast. i turn to look behind me wanting to know who or what that was and i'm suddenly met with a man in a very strange get up with a cape and a big ass golden eye around his neck. he looks at the book in my hands and gestures for me to hand it to him. for some reason right off the bat i trust him. even without talking i knew he was on my side. i handed him the book and he nods and walks away from me going to grab wanda. i hear her screaming for them to let her go as i get running ears streaming down my face.. i really lost the only thing i have ever loved. 

*end flashback*

I start to tear up at the events that just happened letting my head flood with all kind of thoughts. How could she do this? Why is she doing this? I know she wants our boys but she knows they don't exist in this universe she knows that we aren't meant to have them in this life. If i can come to terms with that so can she. I thought she loved me enough to stop... but she didn't. I wasn't for her. why wasn't i enough for her... I lay back on the dusty couch as my mind drifts off and i eventually fall asleep.

I'm woken up by a sudden loud noise filling the house i'm in. I quickly shoot up from the couch and  look around me to be met with the same man from earlier along with a girl that looks familiar. I look at the both of them stunned.

" Who are you? are you following me?" I ask them both backing away as i feel my heartbeat quicken with each step i take. 

" i'm Dr. Stephen Strange and this is America Chavez." The man says pointing to himself then the girl.

" i'm-" He finishes my sentence for me 

" you're (y/n) Maximoff Wanda's wife..." He says looking at me with sorrow in his eyes almost as if he's saying sorry for everything thats happened within the past couple hours.

" Yea i am even though at the moment i'm not very proud of my relationship with Wanda.. I'm so sorry she's trying to hurt you America. I tried to reason with her but she's no longer Wanda. She's no longer the woman i married, The woman i loved might as well be dead. The scarlett witch has fully taken her over and i don't think theres any chance of saving her... She wont stop til she gets our kids.. I'm so so sorry." I say as the tears that i fought so hard to stay away finally fought their way out. i fell to my knees and started having a panic attack. The girl comes and sits next to me and puts an arm around me and pulls me close.

" We don't blame you for what's she's doing. Pease don't blame yourself (y/n) we know you tried to stop her. we know you tried to help me. Dr. strange locked her away in a place called to sanctum sanctorum she cant reach us at the moment til they know how to stop her-" Americas sentence is cut off by a large red blast knocking strange over. America and i get up and run to the nearest thing to hide behind. blast after blast things are flown around the room. 

" WANDA STOP PLEASE" I stand in front her despite America trying to stop me.

" Please baby don't do this" I beg as she comes down to the floor and looks at me she puts her hand on my cheek and runs her thumb up and down my face.

" My dear (y/n) i love you more than life itself before you i never knew what real love felt like... that was until i found out about Billy and Tommy.. And now i will do anything i have to to make sure i am with them. And since you want to try and stop me at every turn i have no choice but to remove you myself."  She spits out her voice dripping in hatred. She uses her powers to life me by what feels like my neck and throws me against the wall as hard as she could causing me to hit my head extremely hard. 

" (Y/N)!" America screams and runs to me as strange is trying to fight Wanda off.

" i-i'm okay i'm okay" I say rubbing the back of my head. Before i knew it Wanda was coming at the both of us at full force. Before i knew what was happening i saw a blue flash of light and i was sucked into the light. As i'm falling i look around me seeing all kinds of weird stuff. I think at one point i was paint? Before i could make any kind of sense of what was going on i hit a hard surface hard causing knocking me out.

I don't know how much as gone by when i wake up. I try to look around me despite my very blurry vision. I try to stand up to walk around trying to get a better understanding of my surroundings but i fail as i fall back on my ass. I rub my eyes and sit for a minute before standing up again and walking around. I walk up and down the street taking in everything i see. i'm exactly where i was when i met strange the first time except the fact that theres no damage done. I furrow my brows trying to understand what the hell is going on. After a minute or two of not having a damn clue. I get a feeling i should go check and see if Wandas at our house. So i make my way towards our house since it was only a five minute walk from where i was.

I make my way up the driveway towards the front door as i hear laughing. I decide to not go in right as i get to the door. I decide to peak in through the window wondering who the hell is in my house right now. But nothing could have prepared me for what i was about to see. Wanda... with our kids.. happy.  I swallow the lump in my throat and make my way inside. All three of them stop and stare at me like they've seen a ghost.

"(y.n)? is that really you?" she says.

To be continued...

part 2

i do not give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on other sites

series masterlist

masterlist

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

🐞🦗🪳

hehe someone stepped into my trap mwahaha

🪳 recommend a great AU!

falling til four in the morning by phnelt. MDZS, The Untamed, modern au, wangxian, T. 90s AU where lan zhan and wei ying meet through analog media. its been a while since i read it but i have a weakness for analog media, especially tapes, and these things really get to shine here.

widow‘s weeds by travelingneuritis. MDZS, The Untamed, modern cultivation, wangxian, wlw, comphet, E. very fun AU about wei wuxian being engaged to jin guangyao, and lan wangji, the landscape gardener wei wuxian hired for her wedding, suspecting that wei wuxian has been killing her former husbands (plural). jin guangyao has only a small role here but i liked how the author has written him and his incidental cahooting with wei wuxian!

but the wind keeps blowing by morwen. WOH pre-canon/canon divergence, wenzhou, amnesia, ghost valley, M. a man without a name wakes up in a place without a yesterday. on his travels to find out who he is, he picks up two interesting companions with their own agendas. a really cool stab at zhou zishu’s and wen kexing’s and gu xiang's pre-canon selves, and a look at how wen kexing‘s coup for the throne of ghost valley might have been like, now with zhou zishu thrown into the mix. i especially loved how the department of the unfaithful plays into this. this fic is written in german!

the remains of summer by nirenhuang. WOH modern AU, wenzhou, fluff, T. zhou zishu and wen kexing are students in the Berlin of 1920-30. this is a bilingual fic (german, english). due to the time this is set in, some of the places that show up here dont exist anymore, they were destroyed during the third reich or ww2. i loved how the author interweaves these aspects and creates this rich tapestry of culture, identity, language, queerness, and finding your crowd, in the years just before hitler comes into power. (politics have no impact, though.) this is a rewrite of a similar fic by the same author in mandarin, and there is a sequel! predominantly written in english with some german phrases!

🐞 recommend a favourite fic or several from one of your friends OR a fic author you really look up to!

how to be ravenous by caffeineaddict94. WOH modern au, Ride or Die AU, wenzhou, wlw, E. zhou zishu and wen kexing reunite after years of not speaking with each other. their complex relationship is unravelled over the course of wen kexing comitting murder for zhou zishu and their subsequent escape from the authorites. a story about want and yearning and these hidden things lodged deep inside that even if u dont acknowledge them, still have the power to ruin your life—or change it for the better.

one of the moments i cant stop thinking about:

Her fingers fit perfectly around Zishu‘s throat, right against her windpipe. Zishu studies Kexing‘s flushed face and vicious eyes with no reservations. Serenity washes over her like a deep ocean as her pulse beats rabbit quick beneath Kexing‘s fingertips. “You didn’t have to get my hopes up,” Kexing seethes, grip tightening just enough to make it difficult to swallow. “I was over all of it. I was over you but you had to pop up again, you selfish asshole!” “Kill me then.” That throws Kexing off balance.

written by my wonderful, talented friend!!!! read it!!!! if u want to feel, like, a little gutted!!! for fun!!! read it!!!

🦗 recommend any fic, wild card!

so pretty but your heart‘s got teeth by livinginaworldofnoise. WOH modern au, wenzhou, crack, G. zhou zishu‘s terrible and chaotic neighbour wen kexing devises a masterful plan to woe zhou zishu, much to zhou zishu‘s chagrin. that plan includes feral kittens and lots of atrocious ignorance of boundaries. nothing at all goes wrong (lie). i reread this one recently and it was great :D

bug me for fic recs!!!!!! seriously im begging u

[f444keitflowers]

Yellowjackets characters as Boygenius songs !!

Taissa Turner - Souviner

Always managed to move in / right next to the cemeteries / and never far from hospitals / I don't know what that tells you about me / pulling thorns out of my palm / working midnight surgery / when I cut a hole into my skull / do you hate what you see? / like I do.

Vanessa Plamer - Emily i’m sorry

Headed straight for the concrete / in a nightmare / screaming / now i’m wide awake /spiralling / and you dont wanna talk / just take me back to montreal / i’ll get a real job / you’ll go back to school / we can burn out / in the freezing cold / and just get lost / Emily i’m sorry baby / you know how I get / when i’m wrong / and I can feel myself becoming somebody i’m not / I’m not sorry

Jackie taylor - Cool about it

I came prepared for absolution / if you’d only ask / so I take some offense when you say “no regrets” / […] / once I took your medication / to know what it’s like / and now I have to act like/ I cant read your mind / I ask you how you’re doing / and I let you lie / but we dont have to talk about it / I can walk you home / and practice method acting / i’ll pretend being with you doesn’t feel like drowning / telling you it’s nice to see / how good you’re doing / even though we know / it isn’t true.

Shauna Shipman - Letter to an old poet

I said "I think that you're special" / you told me once that I'm selfish / and I kissed you hard / in the dark / in the closet / […] / you don't know me / I wanna be happy / I'm ready / to walk into my room / without looking for you / I'll go up to the top of our building / and remember my dog / when I see the full moon / I can't feel it yet / but I am waiting

Lottie Matthews - Not strong enough

Always an angel / never a god / always an angel / never a god / I don't know why I am / the way I am / There's something in the static / I think I've been having / revelations / Coming to / in the front seat / nearly empty / Skip the exit / to our old street and go home / Go home alone

Laura Lee - Without you without them

give me everything you’ve got / i’ll take what I can get / I want to hear your story / and be a part of it / thank your father before you / his mother before him / who would I be without you without them? / speak to me / until your histories / no mystery to me.

Natalie Scatorccio - Revolution 0

If it isn't love / then what the fuck is it? / I guess just let me pretend / I don't want to die / That's a lie / But I'm afraid to get sick / I don't know what that is / You wanted a song / So it's gonna be a short one / Wish I wasn't so tired / But I'm tired / If you're not enough / Then I give up/ and then nothing is / I used to think if I just closed my eyes / I would disappear.

Misty Quigley - Stay Down

I wasn’t a fighter til somebody told me i’d better learn / to lean into the punch / so it don’t hurt as bad / when they leave / there you were / turning my cheek / i look at you / and you look at a screen / i’m in the backseat of my body / i’m just steering my life / in a video game / similar accent / a different name / it’s a slow down / so would you teach me im the villain / aren’t I / aren’t I the one / constantly repenting for a difficult mind

[sucker4sixx]

Raising hell

Pt.2

PLOT: you and nikki shout at eachother some more and nikki spreads some shit..

WARNING: drug misuse

The next day you lay in bed hungover, its a saturday so you have the weekend off but that doesnt mean your going to do anything productive. After hours sat whining in bed about your sore head and the night befores events the bands go out once again.

You head straight to the bar and order yourself shots, you go almost the whole night without seeing nikki untill you go to the bathroom, you walk in to him snorting cocaine off the bathroom sink “shit!” He jumps up but his ‘caught’ expression drops to a smirk “fuck sake, you again! Cant you fuck off!” He rolls his eyes “your always so fucking dramatic, you know that? Such a fucking whiner” he moves closer to you. “Well atleast im not an asshole”

“No.. your worse” he narrows his eyes

“Just fuck off so i can take a piss”

“No. Im busy.” He speaks straight “fine then” you close the door and sit on the toilet, not giving a shit if he was there, you watch as he sets out another line, not caring that you were literally pissing beside him. You gasp “whats that!” You make him look away and snort his line, flushing the toilet and heading for the door. “Hey! You bitch!” You flip him off and leave.

While dancing you feel someones hands gripping your waist and you start dancing on them, looking back and seeing nikki who stood in shock as you danced on him “oh fuck! Nikki what are you doing!” You try to pull away but he pulls you back against him “i wanted a chat” he growled into your ear, you roll your eyes and stop grinding on him, feeling your cheeks go alittle red in embarrassment “what is it?”

“I wanted to talk about last night”

“Ohh, last night when you confessed then left me for a hooker?” He growls against your ear when you say this, pissed off “she wasnt even a hooker, she didnt even fuck me she pussied out” you laugh bitterly “thats karma” nikki walks off to the bar and you feel obligated to follow.

He orders himself a jack n coke and turns to face you, scanning your face, his gaze drops to your dress and he smirks. “Dont” you stop him “dont what?” He says genuinely, tilting his head “dont call me fat, im not in the mood” you order yourself a jack n coke, nikki going alittle quite “i was going to say your dress.. its nice” you shake your head “dont be nice, dont try to be nice, its weird”

“So what? You want me to be a dick to you permanently, fine. Your a real bitch, your selfish and needy and you dont know when to stop”

“Sounds alot like your explaining yourself”

Nikki growls “do you have to always be so god damn negative? Its not often im nice but when i am you tell me to be rude”

“Dont make me feel bad nikki.. ive never liked you, youve never liked me so keep it that way” he downs his drink and slams it down “fine by me” he storms out the bar.

The guilt eats you alive the whole night and you try to drink it away but only find it growing like a monster standing behind you with its hand wrapped around your neck. You drunkenly stumble to the hotel and knock on his door, he opens up with a powdery nose and only his boxers on. “What?” He mumbles

“I-im.. can i come in?” You slur alittle, nikki sighs

“Why?” He leans against his door frame, he wanted to let you in but didnt want to give in. “… i dont know..” you speak quietly and he sighs, letting you by, you stumble into his room and lay on his bed, he cant help but let out a laugh. “What are you doing?” He sits beside you and watches “getting cosy” you roll onto your back “stop trying to act cute, its not going to work”

“You think im cute?” You giggle and he rolls his eyes “maybe just alittle” he gets up and heads to the mini fridge in his hotel room and gets two beers for you two. “Here” you sit up and open the bottle with the bottle opener you keep on you at all times. You drink the beer quietly, nikki watching you “why are you actually here” you gulp and put the beer down beside you “guess i missed you” you shrug, instantly regretting it “missed me? You? Bullshit..” he shakes his head “i missed being annoyed i guess” you laugh and run your fingers through your hair, you both make eye contact and you try to crawl forward to him “no.. no, dont do that” he leans back, a smile still on his face “whyyy?” You whine and giggle “because its not right, we know that, get off” he tries to swat you away as you crawl onto his lap.

“Cmon nikki, i can feel you.. your hard” he groans as you sit down onto his lap “get off…” he huffs, grinding up onto you, your hips grinding down onto his clothed erection “god.. your so hard” you moan but he grabs your hips to still you “stop.” He says firmly and you stop, looking into his eyes. “Stop.. your too drunk, i cant let this happen”

“Nikki please-“

“No, get your shit and go” he pulls you off his lap, his erection straining against his boxers as he looks away, you get your stuff and head to the door, you glance back but hes already busy rolling a joint.

The next day you wake up to your door being knocked, you, in your hungover state stumble to the door, you open it to your manager with a furious look on his face. “Stu? Whats up?” He sighs and looks around “why am i hearing that you broke into nikkis room and tried it on with him last night?”

“Stu i didnt-“

“I dont care if you did or didnt, sort your shit out, me and doc have planned a show where you and the crüe are playing together and i swear, if you fuck this up-“

“You what?!”

[cogbreath]

if i live i gotta make life changes let me be honest with u guys ive not been drinking alcohol meant for humans consumption ive been drinking dilluted cleaning alcohol because i really do need substances to ease my pains in life but i cant drive no license and i ran out of the shared weed supply me and my mom use and im really too shy to confide in her like "yeah so basically i cwnt live without drugs" which IS stupid because she is a former addict herself she would understand and not be mad at me but tbh im a very private person irl i dont like to verbally talk to people about things at all because it causes me a lot of struggle and distress to and irl im not really a verbal person. im not NONVERBAL entirely but i genuinely do struggle with speaking as an act so yeah. its a lot of shit. anyway cuz of all that i resorted to drinking dilluted fucking chemicals sbout it. fuckigng stupid i promise you guys if i survive this i wont do it again or if i do out of desperation it wil be because i tried rlly elly hard not to but needed an escape. idk if u guys entirely understand these sorts of circumstances i feel like the wider tumblr userbase isnt intimate with this kind of thing but i also know you guys generally want to be good ppl and i understand your lack of familiarity with this topic doesnt mean u hate me. nd we all have been taught awful things about drug use and addicts. pls kno that when shit like this happens it's not cuz we r selfish or stupid or anything like that its because we are fuckin desperate and whatever it is in our life be it mental illness physical illness etc, is hurting us to make us resort to this shit. yes it was a stupid act i i feel bad as fuck right now for what ive done to myself and my body and i worry also that if i survive it , that it migut fuck up my future, cuz the liver damage may jeapordize my ability to transition. and idk maybe this is sxary for you guys too maybe you feel uncomfortable hearing about it at all but honestly i dotn have anyone else you guys mean a lot to me and im including you guys because i care about you and i feel you care about me.

[kalinara]

Just saw someone call Ted's kindness/attitude selfish and for himself,not others as a trauma response and sth about that view, which isnt entirely wrong, really bugs me but I cant articulate why, maybe cause it's a narrow view of the character or the idea that actions have to be purely selfish or selfless is a little simplistic? What do you think?

I get immensely annoyed by that kind of read.

Honestly, I think it's just a symptom of overly cynical people who don't want to admit that kindness is a good thing and that we should all try to be better people to each other.

Because, in the end, I think that's the point of the show.

Obviously, Ted has his own issues. He's got a lot unaddressed, and sometimes he uses his kindness as a mask to hide his own negative feelings behind. It's clear that not addressing these feelings is a major problem for him, keeping him from being able to move beyond them.

If you don't acknowledge your anger, you can't address it, you can't move past it, and you can't forgive it. It just stays with you and causes more pain.

But in this past episode, we actually got to see Ted do a good thing and finally express some of his anger. And how does he do that?

He does it kindly. He speaks to Michelle respectfully. He doesn't attack her. He expresses his feelings, while owning that they are his feelings. He acknowledges that the situation is complicated, but that her behavior hurt him. He articulates why.

And Michelle is kind back to him. It's pretty clear that she's surprised and a little hurt by what he said. Certainly, she could respond with anger and defensiveness. She could argue with him and criticize his own behavior and turn it into a fight. But she doesn't. She knows how hard this is for him to say and her slight sad smile at the end seems to appreciate that this is progress for him.

It's not going to fix everything, of course, and they may not agree, but now they can have a real discussion about it. (Later. When the time is right.)

I think Ted maybe has spent most of his life believing that being angry and being kind are incompatible, and he chose to be kind instead. In that sense, the kindness is a detriment, I suppose, but that's only because Ted thinks that he has to make a choice. It isn't until Doctor Sharon: when he lashes out at her...definitely UNkindly, and she gently, firmly and kindly calls him out the next appointment, that he realizes you can be both.

Hurt people hurt people is a theme in the show, but so is the idea that we can be better than that. Rebecca's not wrong to be mad at Rupert (or Bex, for that matter), but she doesn't get anywhere when she sinks to his level. It's only when she stays above it, when she firmly tells him that his wife and daughter deserve better, looking out for his family in a way that he never did - that's when we see Rupert, for the first time, actually seem nonplussed. She won that encounter without ever meaning to, because that wasn't the point.

So, sorry, this is a big tangent. Is Ted's kindness selfless or selfish? Yes. But does that mean he shouldn't be kind? Nope. He's just got to figure out how to be everything else that he needs to be too.

[slutsukio]

transient bonds. ( aki hayakawa x blk!femreader )

he casually ignites his cigarette, the flame casting a fleeting glow on his features as he remains indifferent to your presence. leaning back on the porch of his apartment, aki exhales a plume of smoke, fixating his gaze on the clouds lazily drifting across the sky. besides him, you sit, draped in his shirt, a garment he seems content to let you keep─ a momento that, in his mind, is far better off with you than as a reminder of a connection that is inevitably reaching its conclusion.

"we should just end this," he states, his words hanging in the air with a sense of resignation. the atmosphere is thick with the unspoken acknowledgement of the impermanence that defines his relationships. it's a truth he cant escape, especially given the nature of his work. to him, being in a relationship is akin to embracing a fleeting moment, a temporary respite from the harsh reality of his existence. it's like dating a living ghost, a man haunted by the shadows of his own profession.

the admission is not a surprise; rather, it's a long-anticipated recognition of the transitory nature of your connection. aki, in his pursuit of normalcy, has clung to you for as long as he could, seeking refuge from the chaos that defines his life. yet, as the smoke swirls around him, he articulates what both of you have likely sense for a while─ there's no reason to delay the inevitable, no point in prolonging a relationship destined to fade away. in his world, here permanence is a rare luxury, he suggests embracing the reality that any attachment is fleeting, and the only constant is change.

you could sense the gravity in his words, a seriousness that resonated deeply within her. aki, known for his candidness, wouldn't utter such statements without a purpose. as he spoke, a tidal wave of emotions crashed over you, the weight of his words feeling akin to a metaphorical building placed squarely on her shoulders. it was a moment where silence held more significance than words, and you chose not to speak, allowing yourself to be enveloped by the intensity of the situation. in that stillness, the weight of the unspoken hung in the air, creating a palpable atmosphere that spoke volumes.

"i didn't want to end this," he finally says, breaking the heavy silence that hung between them, still avoiding direct eye contact. "i didn't want to hurt you," he adds, a weight of remorse evident in his voice. “it has to end at some point,” he continues after a contemplative pause, his words carrying the resignation of someone who's reluctantly accepting a harsh truth. “this isn’t how I wanted it to go, but it’s not like I planned any of this.” the complexity of emotions lingers, as the inevitability of parting ways becomes a bitter pill for both to swallow.

you expressed your frustration by audibly sucking your teeth, a clear manifestation of your evident frustration. "no, you didn't hurt me," you asserted, dismissing any notion of mental harm. "don't ever say that you've hurt me, because you didn't. it's just disappointing to realize that I spent nearly eight months with someone who was only with me for their own selfish needs," you continued, your disappointment palpable. as he attempted to speak, you responded by walking back into the apartment, your own visible distress reflecting the emotional tension in the air.

aki's hands instinctively tightened it's grip around the slender cigarette, the ember casting an intense glow as he draws in another drag, before flicking the cigarette from his fingers and following after you. his lips contort into a discernible frown, the profound anger within him overpowering any lingering traces of sadness. "selfish needs?" he challenges, breaking the stare-off between you two. after a prolonged moment of contemplation, he continues with an edge in his voice, "i dedicated eight months of my life to you. it wasn't just about using you, y/n, i genuinely liked you." the words hung in the air.

"then, why, aki? why are we going through this painful breakup if you never truly desired a committed relationship? it feels like a betrayal, like you should have never entered into this connection with me, if your heart wasn't in it!" her voice echoed through the emptiness of his apartment, tears streaming down your honey-hued skin as you stood in the emotional turmoil that now surrounded them. the weight of disappointment hung heavily in the air, and the echoes of shattered expectations reverberated within the walls of their shared moments.

"because we wouldn't have lasted anyway!" the intensity in his voice resonates with a raw emotion that seems to stem form a deeper understanding. it's a moment where vulnerability clashes with harsh reality. he locked his eyes with you, as if imploring for you to grasp the gravity of his revelation. "don't you get it?" aki continues, a sense of frustration lacing his words. "i'm not like other people, my line of work─" his gaze momentarily shifts to the world outside the window, as if searching for answers in the distant landscapes.

the unspoken complexities of his profession and the inherent risks are laid bare in those words. it's a poignant moment where the clash between personal desires and the harsh demands of reality becomes palpable. aki's internal conflict spills into the conversation, leaving an indelible mark on the fragile connection between you two. each word seems to carve a deeper trench, exposing the intricacies of a life entangled with uncertainty and the inability to promise a conventional future.

aki's unspoken words and thoughts were like fragile glass lodged in his lungs, a puncture leaving him momentarily breathless before the internal bleeding of his truth spilled from his chapped lips. the room absorbed the silent shards of his turmoil, each one a testament to the complex emotions swirling within him. he observed you with pleading eyes as you gathered your belongings, an unsettling calmness accompanying your actions. the palpable sense of abandonment hung thick in the air, starkly contrasting the shared journey of emotions they had once navigated together.

the words that escaped aki's lips were not an anguished cry, but a piercing inquiry, "how can you just act so goddamn calm? don't you care?" the weight of frustration, confusion, and a profound sense of injustice reverberated in his spoken truth, creating ripples of tension in the room.

the dissonance between their emotions created a painful rift, leaving him grappling with the unfairness of the situation. it was evident that he didn't want this to end, and the realization that you were leaving hit him hard. the complexity of emotions played out on his face, reflecting the internal struggle between his desire for the relationship to continue and the apparent absence of alternatives.

as you continued to pack with a nonchalant demeanor, the stark contrast to the emotional storm in the room became even more apparent. the silence persisted, an unspoken dialogue that highlighted the challenge of finding common ground when faced with the inevitability of separation. the room stood witness to the fragments of a relationship, each piece a silent testimony to the complexities of love, loss, and the unanswered questions that hung in the air.

in the end, as the last item found its place in your bag, the room seemed to exhale a heavy sigh, acknowledging the closure of a chapter that had once held the promise of shared dreams and emotions. in the midst of the heavy silence, you finally found the strength to speak, your voice carrying the weight of love and pain. "aki, i want you to know how much i've loved you," you admitted, your words holding a bittersweet resonance.

'this hurts more than i can express, and i never wanted it to come to this. but sometimes, we need to find our own paths." tears welled up in your eyes as you continued, "the love we shared was real, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. but staying might only bring more hurt, to the both of us, and i can't bear to see you suffer," you continued.

as aki stared at you, a palpable sense of regret draped over him like a heavy shroud. the room seemed to absorb the gravity of the moment, as if acknowledging the complexity and difficulty that underscored this farewell. his gaze, once filled with shared laughter and tender moments, now held a somber weight. breaking up with you, he had thought, might be a straightforward step to take, a decision that offered a clean break. yet, reality had proven harsher, and the act of parting ways became an arduous journey.

silence lingered in the air, carrying the weight of unspoken words and unresolved emotions. aki's struggle manifested in the furrow of his brow and the hesitancy in his movements. this wasn't merely a separation of two people; it was the dismantling of a shared history, a chapter of intertwined lives that had once held the promise of a future together.

the room, witness to countless shared joys and sorrows, bore witness to this poignant moment of dissolution. aki, grappling with the inner turmoil, found himself confronted with the undeniable truth that saying goodbye to you was, in fact, the hardest thing on earth. in those moments of prolonged silence, the unspoken words reverberated between you. aki's regret, etched on his face, mirrored the complexity of emotions that accompanied parting ways. the decision to end the relationship carried a heaviness that transcended the mere act of walking away; it was an acknowledgment of the profound impact you had on each other's lives.

the somber sanctuary enveloped you both in a heavy silence, the emotional intricacies of this farewell unfolded like a tapestry, woven with threads of love, regret, and the undeniable pain of separation. taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself and approached aki with a mixture of resolve and vulnerability. as you drew in a deep breath, it felt like inhaling the remnants of a love that hung thick in the air. your steps toward aki held the weight of a journey, a journey that transcended the physical space between you.

despite the jagged edges of hurt, you embraced him, the tenderness of the hug a fragile bridge spanning the emotional chasm. his arms enveloped you, a sanctuary built from shared laughter and whispered confidences. in that moment, the embrace became a cocoon, shielding you momentarily from the harsh reality that awaited. a soft kiss planted on your temple was a fleeting promise, a delicate brushstroke on the canvas of your shared history. "i love you too, y/n. take care," he uttered, his words echoing in the room like a melancholic melody. each word, a note in a song of parting, resonated with the depth of emotions you both grappled with. the door, now a portal to an uncertain future, stood ajar, and you took hesitant steps away from the warmth of his embrace.

walking out of his door, the closing creak of it seemed like the final punctuation in a chapter that had unfolded like a beautifully tragic novel. your tears, flowing freely, painted a mural on your ebony-hued skin, each drop a brushstroke expressing the intricate pain of letting go. the outside world greeted you with its own palette of emotions – the cool breeze carried the whispers of change, and the distant echoes of life continued, indifferent to the upheaval within your heart. your tears, now akin to a river, mirrored the tumultuous flow of emotions that had breached the levees of your composure.

his words lingered in the corridors of your mind, becoming a haunting melody that intertwined with your thoughts. the love, once a vibrant tapestry, now bore the stains of farewell. as you navigated the solitude beyond his door, it felt like stepping into an uncharted realm, the path ahead obscured by the mist of uncertainty.

in the aftermath, you grappled with the weight of those whispered words. they were not merely spoken; they were etched into the very fabric of your being. the love that had once flourished within the walls of shared dreams and emotions now became a compass, guiding you through the uncharted landscapes of a life reshaped by parting.

❁ suki speaking — after procrasinating for WEEKS, i FINALLY finished!! congratulate me. me finishing also factors into the fact that neso woulda KILLED me if i haven't have finished in a timely manner...hell im alr on thin ice. but, enjoy!! :3

[moonysimp]

flowers and rain –mick schumacher.

short story i wrote a while ago <3

pov: you and mick took a break, but he shows up on your birthday to talk to you.

you hear a knock on your door. "did you guys order anything?", you ask your friends while you walk to the door. you open it and your heart starts jumping on your chest as you lock eyes with the last person you thought would be standing outside of your apartment. mick gives you a shy smile, holding on for dear life on the flowers he bought for you.

"happy birthday, sunshine", he says, and you can't help but want to wrap your arms around him and never let him go. all the emotions you have been pushing away for the past 4 months come at you like a wave, drowning you. your eyes water and you give in, closing the distance between the two of you. you wrap your arms around his neck and hug him, closing your eyes, allowing yourself one moment of selfishness. you feel his arms quickly wrap around your waist and you inhale his minty scent, one that you never seem to get enough from.

"thank you, micky", you whisper against his ear. god you've missed him. the hug ends as you both separate from each other, although the minute that is over you are already missing the feeling of his body close to yours. you need to pull yourself together as he gives you the flowers. of course they have to be lilies, mick never forgets how much you love them. you accept them and you extend your arm and signal him to come inside. he does and you close the door, but he quickly stops and turns to look at you.

"i'm sorry i'm here this late", he says. "i just- really needed to see you, and wish you a happy birthday".

"it's fine, we stayed up chatting and all", you say. "mom and the girls came and we had a little party here".

speaking of them, angi calls out to you from your room. "y/n who is it? hurry up or we are gonna eat all the ice cream".

"i'm coming!", you yell at her.

"if you don't mind, i'd really like to talk to you", mick glances at the door and then at you again, feeling nervous. "but if you're busy i'll just-"

"no, don't go", you blurt, hating how needy you sound. but you cant stand the idea of him going away again. you are familiar with the pain that causes. "let me go tell them you're here and we can go to the rooftop and talk privately". you search for a vase to put the flowers on before going to your room. you open the door and put your hand on your mouth, still processing the fact that the boy you love is right outside waiting to talk to you.

your friends all give you confused looks.

"what's wrong? who was it?", mom asks you.

"mick is outside. he brought me flowers. and told me he needed to see me. and talk to me. and oh wish me a happy birthday like he doesn’t know that the best present i could receive is him standing outside of my door", you tell them as you simultaneously see them all open their mouths to form a perfect "o". "so i'm gonna leave you here, and i'm gonna go outside to talk to him, so behave", you say and you don't give them a chance to say anything as you slip away from the room and come back to mick. you both leave the apartment and take the stairs to the rooftop in silence.

what does he want to talk to you about? has he missed you like you've missed him? does he also want to get together because he finds that the world without you does not seem as colorful as it was before? is he gonna tell you he met somebody else and your break is more than over? thousand of questions swirl in your mind. you get to the rooftop and you take the both of you to the pair of chairs that are always in here but he shakes his head, as you hear thunder from afar.

"i would rather not sit. since i've been sitting during most of my trip", he says, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. he always does that when he's nervous.

you let out a sigh and decide to get this over with and finally know what's going on. "why are you here?"

"you know i've never been able to lie to you, even if i were, it would never be possible for me to hide how much i miss you. because i do, y/n, so fucking much", his blue eyes look sincere, and you feel the sudden need to cry. because it is obvious the break has affected you both the same way. "i understand why we decided to take a break, and it honestly seemed like the right call at the time, but it clearly wasn't. not when i can't seem to stop longing for you at every moment of the day. so i am here now, willing to put my heart out for you but most importantly willing to listen how you feel. and finally end this doubt that eats me alive every day.", his hands grip mine as he gives me a sweet look. "do you miss me too?"

"of course i do, micky. and this break has caused more pain than good. i know we were not in the best position when we decided to part ways for some time, but it was nothing compared to the hollow feeling that is not having you with me." you feel the first drops of rain on your skin, you let go of his hands and take your hands to cup his cheeks. "i love you, mick schumacher, and not even a hundred breaks could make that go away".

rain starts falling from the sky as he closes the gap between the two of you. he kisses you with a burning passion, trying to show you just how much he has thought about this moment. your hands go to his hair and his hands grip your hips. the rain keeps coming down on you. not all the words in the world could describe the kiss, and all the magic it came with it. you break the kiss breathless, and you can't help but to smile at the beautiful boy in front of you, with his red lips and his hair soaking wet.

"this kiss? and under the rain?", you murmur against his lips. "best birthday present i could ever receive". he laughs as you hug him, your head resting on his chest, and his head resting above yours.

"i love you. promise me you will never forget that." he says, closing his eyes.

"i promise", you vow, thinking you couldn't be more in love with him.

[p3answer]

i dont get why people hate sakura but i also dont get why some people really like her its all just so confusig to me

short answer i think she fucking owns and is funny and its hilarious that she is qualified enough to do surgeries on people at like age 15.

long answer basically i dont know how kishimoto did it but somehow he didnt give sakura any justice and yet was forced to write a woman just enough for her to have a deeply compelling character trait (which never gets any real resolution or development because again kishimoto hates writing women and does everything in his power not to), which is her selfishness born out of insecurity and just wholehearted self-loathing. like sakura fucking HATES herself, it is continually shown how insecure she is in herself even during childhood up until the very end of the series. her whole arc revolves around trying to prove herself, and while i think a lot of it is due to kishimoto just not bothering to resolve her character arc, the fact that she never seems to be happy with what shes achieved despite how much of it she has really speaks to that insecurity. she genuinely cares about her friends and yet she cannot feel confident in herself without proving to them that she is useful which leads to some extremely questionable decisions on her part. she and sasuke, on some level, do genuinely care about each other in part 1, but the romantic side of her "love" is, according to kishimoto himself, completely arbitrary, and more than anything is built on wanting to make herself feel more secure. her and sasuke are friends but it never goes deeper than that because she cant and wont try to understand him, which leads to the talk right before sasuke leaves konoha where trying to convince him to stay revolves around how SHE would feel about him leaving, which sasuke obviously disliked. by the end of the series this hasnt changed because despite caring about him, she has failed to try and understand him enough to help him in any real way- and like, what i have described here is why a lot of people hate her, because theyve decided to blame it all on some sort of inherent malice she posesses (i dont feel like getting into how most of the people who do so also would not act like this if she was a male character, we all know this i wont make this into even more of an essay). but like, its not! none of it is malicious! its shown time and time again that she genuinely cares about team 7 and the rest of her friends, but her unresolved self-hatred gets in the way of going about it in a healthy way. and thats WHY i think she is so compelling as a character, and WHY i get so angry about how badly she was robbed. again i think at least a chunk of this is genuinely accidental on kishimotos part because he couldnt bother to write sakura, but accidental or not it doesnt make it any less compelling to me. sakura my fucking oomf forever and ever until the day i die

[devondespresso]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @museumgiftshoperaser

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

technically 2, but its a sfw and nsfw version of the same fic fhajklfjdalfjk

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

...6,357. i promise i write.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

just stranger things so far, but i have seriously thought about writing about Fender's gender from Robots (2005) and I promised my friend a Shark Tale fic for their birthday fjalhfdjkalfdj

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Never Again

Never Again (sfw)

fascinating statistics arent they

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

never gotten comments on ao3, i do reply to what i get on tumblr tho because it literally makes my day

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

(including my unposted work) Never Again, tho i think its more bittersweet than unrelenting angst

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

tho its technically not finished, We'll Be Alright (Steve Henderson AU) has a very happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

im gonna say no? despite writing something spicy at the beginning of Never Again it was not a good time (for me or Nancy)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

haven't yet, and while i wont write them off entirely itd have to have really strong potential for me to want to do it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and i dont know how well id go. on the one hand im usually good at group stuff but im also an annoying perfectionist with my writing

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

platonically stobin 100%. i dont get nearly as attatched to the romantic ones so i kinda just bounce around the fandom. Really love a lot of the steve harrington rairpairs floating around, plus robin and vickie

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I dont realllly have a writing wip i know i wont finish cause i've just been posting those vague ideas instead of actually writing them becuase i know i wont. My only active wip is the steve henderson au and im hoping praying to god that i dont suddenly loose passion for it

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue probably, coming up with how different characters are saying things, what theyre saying, what they mean, all the little differences in their voices, I love it. that and having characters interact with the environment

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

overthinking and underthinking, stopping myself from making something happen or a character do something because theres this pull in my chest telling me its wrong. even just standard selfishness or saying something without the express intent of making sure it wont hurt someones feelings. i also start sentences with verbs djaldjdjaf

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

makes sense if characters are speaking multiple languages i guess. depends on pov and how limited it is to the pov character. like if the pov character doesnt speak spanish it'd be better to write "and they said something in spanish they didnt understand" instead of writing the spanish out assuming the audience doesnt know it either

19. First fandom you wrote for?

stranger things

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

definitely my steve henderson au. i wish it was shared already but at the same time i've editied and changed so much im glad i havnt officially yet. its helped me work through a lot and has even caused noticable improvement in my relationship with my family even if they dont know it exists. i cant promise itll be fully posted soon, but i am so exited for when i do

tagging @stobinesque @marvel-ous-m @eriquin @itsthestrangestthings @findafight @fag4dykestobin (no pressure ofc 💕)

[bizlybebo]

ok idk whats gonna happen next but like...imagine whats goign through william's head rn? i mean, like..

There's a hot sort of fear in his stomach, watching Vyncent struggle with a choice that could mean goodbye. Here is Vyncent, who he loves, maybe, and he's looking at him, and it could very well be the last time they ever speak to eachother.

(Ashe's possession and departure is almost a year gone by now, but right now it feels closer than ever.)

And yet. And yet, Vyncent's been searching for a way home for as long as William's known him, and likely longer. Vyncent was always going to leave, eventually. Maybe that's why he got so attached so quickly.

Dakota just looks confused, in the background.

I just thought we would have more time, William thinks. William knows death intimately, moreso than anyone else, but he doesn't know endings. Not like this. Mostly the endings he knows were drawn-out things, friendships fading, the slow but pernicious work of decomposition, of decay.

I didn't know it would be this soon, he thinks.

William Wisp has never been without his fair share of selfishness, or pettiness. But he can't in good conscience ask Vyncent to stay. Not when he's been searching for this for so long.

He tells him as much, and it hurts more than anything he's ever said.

GUAHHHH DUDE. DUDEEEE HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING FLOORED ME OUGGH. OW ??? OW OW OW OW OW

god again there’s so much more i wanna say that i cant because of obvious spoilers. but GUAHH.

early s2 vyncent fucking gets to me because it becomes more poignant than ever that he was always searching for a way home— he held that lie, that deal he made with mal in s1 ep13, close to his chest for over a year. he spent ten months in that base with william and never told him— he told himself he planned to, but he willfully ignored it.

and of course, he values and loves william and dakota more than anything— they’re his rock, they’re his only pillar of stability in the unfamiliar and ever changing world of prime, but in that moment, william probably doesn’t see that.

vyncent returning home to fauna has so much more impact because prime grew on him, emotionally, mentally, and physically. it’s that whole thing about how, at what point, does a place, a person, a team, become a new home? he grew up in fauna but he grew as a person in prime and the roots have now stuck in both places.

all william and dakota see in that moment is another friend leaving. even though vyncent isn’t entirely certain himself, even though vyncent is still committed to finding ashe. all they see is another friend leaving, too soon.

“William knows death, intimately, but he doesn’t know endings”— THISSS. DUDEE. guahh williams refusal to let go fucking kills me every time. he’s so used to being the one gone, the one leaving, and he can’t imagine somebody else getting to leave him first.

guahh this is so much more jumbled than your ask but dudee. you have such a fuckinf way with words holy shit