#i cant take lovin on me seriously

[geraskier]

"you got some pretty toes"

"my nail tech knows how to keep a lil secret"

yeah sorry jack harlow you have a thing for feet. "i'm vanilla baby" my ass

[prettynhot]

12.01.2024 Fri the start of something? maybe?

2024 has been an amazing year so far! with the whole discovereu thing and the overall feeling,i’ve been doing good mentally! i feel and know that 2024 is going to be great!

i watched a vid yesterday about how our habits create our identity which goes hand to hand with our present moment. the girl on the vid was talking about the people who say “oh i used to be so skinny yet i thought i was fat, i was so skinny back then wish i knew!” she was making an analogy about how theres no end to a downfall. just goes and goes and goes until you decide to take things up a bunch of notches.

so i want to.

i love me,i love the girl i am,i love everything about me but not fulfilling my potential makes me feel unplesant.so i geniunely want to change. i’ll see how that goes. but i want to treat myself like a loved one again.

theres not so much ive achieved academically though yet.the reason for that is me. no bs. its me who didnt study hard and as much as i shouldve did and fell of my tracks. thats my fault and i know. just as i messed up though,i know im capable of getting everything back together as they were and maybe even better.with the whole huge exam thing i felt like i needed to push n push myself, not to care for myself and such. i thought that was the way it had to be.but no its simply not. im okay as i am. i have time. i have time for this and i have time for that. im good and on time.

lovin and caring for me has been a long journey and am not willing to give up just yet.

on that note and to take an action, i started getting help from one of my teachers. hes been great for this little time. i know thisll help me so much academically.

one other thing about that is the fact i have developed a crush on him.

and i know.

okay

i know!

but it was inevitable eventually.

hes a good and young looking man,who is quite fit and tall,knows how to dress, incredibly intelligent,mean to everyone else but me.

it was inevitable.okay.

i couldnt help but melt at all those times he made a joke and looked at me first to see if i was laughing,looked at me the most while teaching,always protecting me from other students.

plus considering all the di i have and my little tc history before,its not shocking. however i cant say that im not disappointed in myself a little. i thought my tc era had fully ended n i was recovered,healed,past that.appearently not. it does feel like going back a bit,like i’ve came back to an old self which shouldve been far far behind. however im not judging me cuz i know i had every single reason to and tbh,having a crush is very very fun. but anyway! theres that.

and actually,for some time i had noticed the little signs of me developing a crush,but i tried to ignore them signs and push them back time n time again,however they didnt magically disappear as i truly hoped they would.

and one other thing about all this is, after i realized i seriously had a crush on this man, before i started taking special academical help from him,it showed up in my behavior. and yes obviously thats very immature and childish for an 18yo. i know. im supposed to be an adult now and here i am going to my teachers office asking him “why are you working in the dark?would you like me to turn on the lights for you?” OUT OF NOWHERE.🤦🏻‍♀️ EMBARASSING UGHHH. i dont know what came over me truly. guess i want just behaving instinctively. but that was a dead giveaway from me and it sucked. he literally laughed when i did that💀cuz even he thought that was certainly absurd💀very embarassed.done with this.

anyway,ever since then i did have some little moments of instinctive behaving which were little giveaways. since then he has not been acting the same, which was what i loved the most,him being mean to everyone but very soft on me.

ever since these incidents, he has been incredibly mean to me. to a point where i was just about to cry once.

that one day i was about to cry,the one he really hurt me,he was dropping me off at my house since it was quite late. and it’s actually a nbd because he always drops students off and im always at seated at the back,for everything to be appropriate. yk,teacher student boundaries etc.whatever that means.

anyway he was quite chatty despite playing on me n being mean to me the whole time of both his classes but i was actually hurt. i had to keep myself from bursting tears in front of the whole class so i focused on my breathing n posture in order to not cry. and i did not since i made great efforts.but i couldnt help but feel like clown since i had dressed prettily,done my make up prettily just for him to maybe look at me more. notice me more. for him to be even nicer to me.i just wanted to be pretty for him to look at okay. i liked his validation i still do. so maybe i wanted that more i genuinely dont know. now writing all this maybe(probably) i was desperate n it showed. whatever the case maybe he was too mean. wayy too mean. yet still on the way home,he’s on his best behavior trying to talk to me,while we are alone in the car. he asks me questions about class,i answer them as they are.he did notice i was upset. he asked me about it. i told him nothing happened. he kept asking and asking. finally i told him how he hurt me so much during class. to this he got on full defensive mode, explaining himself quite ambitiously yet somehow mainting to stay relaxed and being able to laugh. going on about how teachers could be hurt from students but students cant from teachers and how just messing with students was the only thing he liked about being a teacher and i was trying to take that away from him?

honestly? bullshit to me. after he was done i explained i wasnt mad, i wasnt acting weird towards him or anything like that and i wasnt accusing him,i was just telling him how i felt upset by his behavior. to that he stayed silent for a while. then went on to say that i should focus on my studies no matter what and shouldnt care about what he says that much. then i told him we’ll see about that, thanking him while getting out of car.

and that day i had actually promised i’d go to see him for an academic review the day after but i decided not to go because i had a far more important thing to do.

today we had a class together.i intentially did nearly no make up,dressed slightly below average and avoided eye contact as much as i could, just cuz tomorrow ill go all out,so i wanted to create that contrast. im not trying seduce him nor am i willing to date him in any way, i just like his attention very much and i like the feeling of “winning someone over”. so i will. i believe in no time he’ll be doing his best to not like me so much. hes a strong minded man of principle so i know he certainly wont even get close to passing any lines in the teacher-student relationship,however id like to see him struggle :)

so thats all about him and my little crushing.

after im done writing this,i’ll get back to my house and study for tomorrows big big exam n pick out my outfit n make up for that day. then making myself some hot milk foamed coffee and resting is also in my plans.

thats all i can say for today. my friends didnt come to attend any classes tdy so i dont have any updates on that part,other than one of my friends texting me they have ripped the blouse they borrowed from me n could repurchase the same thing ‘if i’d like them to’ 🙂 obvi i said that wasn’t necessary because i know she wouldnt be able to get her finances right to afford that but im still upset because that blouse made me body look incredibly amazing:( but it’s okay ig.

well:)

all for now. see you tomorrow? ;)

[insanebirddog]

Tw for brief mention of selfharm.

And this has talk about knifes/weapons in it

This is a bit of a rage ramble, lmao.

My roomate [she/they 20 somethin age], not blood related or even my friend, keeps randomly doing shit without even consulting my mother and its reaaaaallly pissing me off! Heres what she did today!

Im a very weapon-lovin guy, a good gift to give me if you cant think of anything is a weapon. And two of my brothers recently passed [7-ish months ago] before they were unalived they each gave me one of their knifes [different times] theyre clearly VERY important knifes to me.

I have two other knifes, a diving knife, and a box cutter. All four of my knifes were on the same table, right next to eachother and the ONLY knife she took was the one from my older brother, not any of the others. Now she dated my second oldest brother, left him & a while later started dating a real close family friend. Her and said family friend are my roomates and are super close to my oldest brother, they both said if a couple things were different [sexualities & relationship status] both of them wanted to date said brother, which is why i think she only cares abt that brothers things. That and she couldve just not known i also had one of my other brothers knifes. But she took it claiming "you cut yourself with it and you broke it" months before that happened? I broke it after they died and idek how that happened cause i dont use it for anything, but she also left my OTHER THREE KNIFES I ALSO USED FOR THE SAME THING??? "U'll use it for stupid shit-" cool, my brother gave it directly too me so you can just give that back or [m not gonna finish that bc i shouldnt.]

Now, i think shes just lying and stole it from me thinking i wouldnt notice, cause bitch didnt even fess up to taking it to me OR my mother before i texted her asking about it. Its been missing for a few days and i just thought i misplaced it somewhere in my room where you can barely see the floor, so its easy to loose shit but NO my roomate just TOOK THAT SHIT. And didnt even take the other three knifes, either of my tazers, or my brass knuckles [that also belongs to one of my older brothers] [2nd oldest if ur curious] LIKE LADY IF UR REALLY THAT WORRIED ABT ME HARMING MYSELF TAKE IT ALL AWAY??? AND FUCKING TELL ME UR CONFISCATING MY SHIT? Also, she didnt have my mothers approval to do that and shes no fuckin parental figure or guardian of mine. I met her last year and they've got ZERO hold over me yet keeps pullin stunts like this. My brother told me i HAVE to be nice to her, which is one of the biggest reasons i am but she is seriously pushing her dwindling luck.

[transgaysex]

honestly i try to give my parents some credit bc they have maybe sorta slightly improved (though not by choice but bc they were threatened to do so) but the truth of the matter is that they have really just been cruel to my siblings and i and the only way they ever do change is when i pull something drastic which i dont have the will or energy to do anymore

[two-gays-in-a-trenchcoat]

Obey Me! Brothers as Hozier songs

songs that would describe your relationship with the seven brothers

because im a gay little nerd

Lucifer: Take Me to Church

you cant tell me you didn’t see this one coming. This song talks about a love that the church disapproves of, that to them is shrouded in sin. It’s deep with an intense rhythm, and filled with yearning.

“The only heaven I’ll be sent to is when I’m alone with you”

“I’ll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife”

“There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin”

Mammon: Jackie and Wilson

god I love this song. The POV is from someone who had a one-night stand and promptly fell in love with them, going as far as to plan out their entire future together. Mammon falls for you hard and fast, and he’s definitely picked out names for your future children.

“She’s gonna save me, call me baby, run her hands through my hair”

“With my mid-youth crisis all said and done, I need to be youthfully felt 'cause, God, I never felt young”

“Happy to lie back and watch it burn and rust; we tried the world, good God, it wasn’t for us”

Leviathan: Like Real People Do

a cute little love song for the cute little snake boy!!! But seriously, it’s canon that Levi feels like less than a person, isolated and locked away. And yet, here you come; finding him hiding in his room and loving him for who he is.

“I will not ask you why you were creeping. In some sad way, I already know.”

“I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither should you”

“Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do”

Satan: Shrike

Y’all know I had to pick the most romantic song for the most romantic boy. This song starts off by saying he couldn’t tell you he loved you earlier, but is ready to do so now. It also has a lot of lines about him giving his entire being to you, as you’ve made him a better person.

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted. Ah, but I’m singin’ like a bird about it now”

“I had no idea on what ground I was founded...then when I met you, my virtues uncounted, all of that goodness is gone with you now”

“I was houses by your warmth, thus transformed”

Asmodeus: Would That I

This song is about leaving your past lovers/heartbreaks behind and focusing on your current love. I think that fits perfect for Asmo and you; he’s never really been in love before, but he’s not afraid of being tied down to you. He’s ready to leave his escapades in the past and give himself wholly to you.

“With the war of the fire, my heart moves to its feet....feel it soft and pure as snow, fell in love with the fire long ago”

“I was fixed on your hand of gold, lay in waste of of my lovin’ long ago”

“Oh, you’re good to me, baby”

Beelzebub: Work Song

This song is so wholesome, so domestic, so genuine, so Beelzebub. It’s all about love and adoration, how he doesn’t need anything but his lover, how he’s devoted to them forever. Also the line “I’m so full of love, I could barely eat” is literally JUST HIM.

“My baby’s sweet as can be; she gives me toothaches just from kissin’ me”

“I swear I thought I dreamed her; she never asked me once about the wrong I did”

“When I was kissing on my baby...heaven and hell were words to me”

Belphegor: From Eden

God. This man. This song. This was made for Belphegor; it’s about atonement and forgiveness from sin, about being in awe of the one you love... you should look this up just to read the lyrics, I’m resisting the urge to copy & paste all of it down and go line-by-line explaining how this song is HIM.

“There’s something lonesome about you, something so wholesome about you. Get closer to me”

“Innocence died screaming. Honey, ask me, I should know.” dont @ me for this line it’s TRUE

“I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door”

.

.

.

might fuck around and do a lumineers + twst version

[dddainuhsoar]

someone must have already said it but idc im saying it again for the girls at the back!

hetian has some kind of obsession with guanshan's neck and sheli mangled it so we all know hetian is going to go absolutely batshit!!

im sorry to guanshan but im actually excited that it's cannon and confirmed that sheli has put a permanent ring - even more permanent than the earrings hetian has given guanshan - that marks his sore existence in guanshan's life on his skin like a fucking scar amdi;os im excited it actually happened because the floodgates of fanart and fanfiction of guanshan with a collar of red and hurt around his neck....... i welcome thee!! seriously send it to me

and hetian going batshit a;dfoiajsd; hes going to kill sheli aaaa i cant wait. yes guanshan can take care of himself, CLEARLY. it was 1 vs 3 when he fought with sheli and his goonies and he still got a bite in?? ugh my love!!

but it's a strength and not a weakness to ask for help and guanshan has asked for help from hetian so hetian is going to give it!! and then give guanshan all the lovin' T_T this is so good, guys, this is s good. im ok.

[sailorvinus]

15. On tumblr. + 16. On roleplaying in general.

✨ anonymous. meme. still accepting!

15. listen it may be because im a retired troll. from 4chan to be specific. and that's my internet dwelling from the 2000s and kind of in the earliest of early 2010s in its worst, most horrific form. ive met the worst of the worst, ive been one of em. i cannot gel with some of the crying i see on this site over the dumbest shit. ill be piddling round yonder tumblr whether it be on my rp blog or my personal ill read someones ' about me ' because apparently i dont love myself in that moment and ill see a ' do not interact with [ person ] because they were mean to me, they talked shit bout me on discord ' and is like. shut up that beef is between you and the person you beefin with, dont bring everyone else into it cuz ur dumbass feelings got hurt on the internet. shit like that makes me go follow the person they hate out of spite.

fandom is a plague and people take it too seriously. i will never understand people who are so close to a piece of media that they are willing to get into fights over it. its not like playful pop music girl stan wars that can be ironic and fun and fresh and all good for the jokes. i mean people really be like. lovin media like that heavy and its like...

cant u just enjoy the thing, critique it where it needs to be critiqued because no media is perfect, and then ship whatever dumbass dumb thing you like? and leave it at that? go get another hobby other than watching junk on netflix? and most of the time shit aint even that deep. in this time of our society critique does not equal discourse. critique is needed. discourse is a jerk circle of nonsense. nonsense!!!

but that’s the internet in general. my opinion on tumblr is the same opinion i have on the internet. if people wanna wild out and be embarrassing, fine. im over here, listening to kpop, and eating xiaolongbao. probably making fun of you for being sensitive in this wild wild west.

16. its something to do!  ive been here for the livejournals and the xangas and the freewebs blogrings. geocities. etc, EHT SEH TER UH. it’s a creative outlet for me and a social outlet for some. its not social for me. i have the people i know and i literally dont care about going beyond that. people wanna kno ya birth name and ya home state and ya mamas name before u get a productive thread out of them and its like ok?????? please get out of my house??

i got this number in another ask so im kinda saving the rest for that one but heres an appétizér.

[wincestismyguiltypleasure]

okay so have you ever considered dean being just a lil bit more angry in his teens/early twenties and analytical little psychotic!sammy slowly figures out its due to deans feelings for him, realizing the anger started when dean hit puberty, and then got even worse when sam hit puberty and began filling out his lanky stature? (1/2) 🐢

have you considered sam using that knowledge against dean? using it to his advantage? knowing that if he bats his eyelashes and bends over just a little too far he can get anything he wants out of dean? consequently deans anger gets even worse, becoming even more frustrated with himself, and he starts taking it out on other people because they cant find the monsters for him to take his anger out on fast enough. and little sammy getting off on his brothers pain as well as others. (2/2) 🐢

My lovely turtle anon! 🐢 You are speaking right to my sweet little psychopath Sammy lovin' soul. 💕 And self-loathing, trembling with violent rage Dean who loves his baby brother far more than he should? The air I fucking breathe. 🙏

I seriously live for guilt-ridden teenaged Dean, who has a compulsive need to break pretty things out of anger. Like the throwing arm of an all American quarterback who's gaze lingered a little too long on Sam. Or the teeth of that cute waiter that gave Sam a flirty smile and a pat on the shoulder.

And hates himself more and more every day because the one pretty thing in his life he hasn't broken is the one thing he wants to break the most.

"Dean."

His little brother is pressed close to his side. Too close. Too close for Dean to think, or even breathe without his senses being flooded with everything Sam.

It makes his jaw tic.

"Get off me, Samuel," Dean grits out, but he doesn't push his little brother away. He doesn't have the strength, he never has. And Sam knows it.

"Did you see the way that guy was looking at me?" Sam asks, his voice so sticky sweet that it makes Dean's stomach turn. He can feel the younger boy nosing at his jaw, toying with him like a kitten that just cornered it's prey.

It makes his hands shake.

"You know I did."

Sam smiles against Dean's stubbly cheek, little hand slipping between his big brother's legs before he can stop him.

"What are you gonna do about it?"

Dean squeezes his eyes shut and tries with everything he has not to rock himself against Sam's palm. His face is flushed and his chest hurts. A sharp pang of guilt and anger and something else he never wants to admit out loud aching deep in his gut when he feels teeth nipping at his throat.

"Nothing," he lies, finally maning up long enough to lean away. Those sinful lips of Sammy's leaving his skin tingling and wet with forbidden kisses.

"I see." Sam is pouting now and Dean wants to scream. "So you're just gonna let some creep think all sorts of nasty things about your baby brother?"

"Don't, Sam. I mean it."

"I bet he's got some pretty twisted fantasies, big brother."

Maybe not as twisted as yours a voice inside Dean's mind whispers cruelly.

It makes him see red.

"You should beat them out of him."

Sam's breath is warm against his clammy skin. God, he practically moans the words in Dean's ear. The soft, needy little sound nearly driving him insane. "Or," Sam adds, clearly amused by his big brother's anguish, "you could just take what he wants. I'd let you, Dean. You know I'd let you do anything to me."

"God damn it, Sam," Dean growls before shoving his little brother all the way off of him. Rage burn white hot in his chest as he gets up from the booth, still half hard in his jeans.

"You gonna let me watch? Or are you feeling particularly self-righteous today?"

Sometimes Dean forgets how cruel his baby brother can be. And these little reminders make him want to break Sam in half. They make him want to take all the frustration and resentment that's been eating him alive for as long as he can remember out on that cute little ass.

But the worst part? The thing that drove Dean to drink? That was knowing Sam wanted it too.

Dean was a ticking time bomb of shame and unbridaled rage and Sam knew the timer started counting down the day he turned sixteen. Sam knew Dean needed an outlet for his anger. And he wasn't going to stop until his big brother's slip knuckles finally found the pretty face they were longing for.

He was going to keep pushing him closer and closer to the edge. Until Dean loses that last bit of self control he's been holding onto for dear life. Until he finally puts Sam where he aches to be. On his back beneath Dean, bruises being dug into his writs, with the taste of blood on his tongue.

Of course, Dean knows it's only a matter of time until he takes the bait Sam's been dangling in front of him for years. Because it's clear from the situation at hand that he can make Dean do whatever he wants him to. After all, Sam knew firsthand that using a Winchester's anger as motivation was easy as taking candy from a baby.

"Yeah, whatever."

Dean doesn't bother to look back as he follows the latest victim of his rage outside.

He knows Sammy is right behind him, wicked smile on his beautiful face.

[kellykadesperate]

Pick up the pieces

The bitterness between them is there, it howls in this way that can only make Robert want to disappear. He wants to hide away from the way he’s hollowed Aaron by it all, from the way there is this darkness that he placed there.

For Seb, for Rebecca, for himself in so many ways and that is what hurts the most. 

That and Aaron hardly meeting his eye.

He’s nowhere to be found, had just walked slowly back into the flat to grab his coat and then left again like he had turned deaf, like suddenly Robert begging him to listen didn't have any effect on him.

The bed’s cold without him, that much is clear and the moonlight shines on Aaron’s side of the bed like it’s just trying to mock Robert. Like it’s trying to punish him or something, show him that there’s someone else he’s lost.

Something raises in his chest at the thought of that, the thought of having lost Seb in some way. He hasn't, he knows deep down that he hasn't really lost his son and just thinking about little Gracie is enough to settle that. But hes lost what they had, hes lost the way things were for those precious fleeting months. 

And he cant take it back now.

The sound of feet making him sit up and he’s waiting for Aaron to come in, grab the spare blanket and sleep on the sofa or something. Which is exactly what they need, to be separated in their grief about everything. 

But the sound passes the room and Robert knows suddenly where Aaron is. So he follows him, sees him standing about Seb’s cot, holding Jeff the Giraffe in one hand and the baby monitor in the other like he cant put them down. 

He’s sniffling, back towards Robert and the blinds opened wide enough so that Robert can see how long and drawn out his husband’s shadow is, it makes him sadder for some reason.

And then he gulps, breathes out. “Aaron?”

He can hear Aaron take in a breath before he turns slowly and then stops, just looks at Robert over his shoulder and then turns back again.

“Shout at me, blame me, do -- do what you want okay? But just know that I tried to do what was best, I tried to --”

“He doesn't get off to sleep without him.” Aaron says slowly, almost whispering as he turns around and waves the giraffe in front of Robert’s face. He has a ghost of a smile on his face and then it fades evenly. “He smells like our bed, like us, ‘cause you were sleepin’ on it the other night without knowing, your back still hurting from that?” Robert doesn't say anything, just feels his heart beating out of his chest. “So he knows to get off to sleep ‘cause it smells like us, like -- like the people who see him every single day, who love him --”

“So does Rebecca.” Robert says, because she does love, he wouldn't have let Seb leave with her if he didn't know that.

“So did my mum. But it wasn't enough, just lovin’ your kid ain’t reason to get to ignore everything else.” This, the way Aaron pushes his chest out, waves a hand in the air as he speaks, is what Robert was waiting for. 

That terrifying sense of betrayal.

“You can hardly compare.”

“But you were. You were comparing how important your mum was to you to -- to how important Rebecca must be to Seb but that’s different. He’s a baby, you were old enough to --”

Robert scrunches his eyes up, shakes his head and sees his mum. He sort of hates Aaron with all he has for bringing it up, that massive giant elephant in the room.

Seb can’t lose his mum. 

It drums through his head and aches and aches and aches.

“Please don’t.” He says, head hanging, eyes watering again. “Aaron, it was an impossible decision. Whatever I said, someone would have got hurt by it.”

Aaron scoffs. “But you made it without me anyway didn't ya? You and Rebecca. Fuck what Aaron thinks about Seb, he hated him this time last year so --”

And sometimes, just sometimes things are always bound to come out in arguments that make Robert feel like there is absolutely nothing he can do about what Aaron allows himself to think.

Allows his mind to go.

It hurts, stings so badly as he shakes his head. “No.” He says. “It wasn't like that at all, we -- I knew you’d --”

“Convince ya otherwise yeah?” Aaron shouts, blinks out tears that fall down his face and make Robert want to hide. “You selfish prick.” He says, in this way that makes Robert’s heart sink because he’s heard that voice, he’s heard how deflated and crushed Aaron has sounded because of what Robert has done to him, and yet heard that love still there. 

It’s the most bittersweet thing in the world.

But it’s always been there, that hate and love mixed up in one, love almost always trumping that hate until --

“Please don’t hate me for this.” 

But Aaron just clings onto the giraffe and suddenly Robert sees Chas and he feels sick.

“I didn't even get a cuddle.” Aaron’s shaking his head and trying to catch his breath as he cries and Robert hates himself for thinking this would be easier, letting Rebecca go, letting her be happy, giving Seb all the family he has, not letting Aaron let everything else make him so adamantly against Seb going anywhere.”You waited until you let him go, until you left him with her, until they were driving away happily ever after to let me know what you’d done.”

Robert blinks quickly, waves a hand over his face. “I didn't want you to get --”

“What? Upset? I suppose I ain’t meant to am I?”

Robert scowls. “That’s not fair, that isn't fair. Stop makin’ me the bad guy.” He shouts back but Aaron just scoffs, ignores him.

“Or Liv, God, did you have the decency to tell her or did she work it out herself?”

Robert bites his lip, she’d been upset, he’d seen her try and hide it by making them both a cup of tea, running the water a little longer than usual and whilst the kettle was already boiling. He’d seen her cry and told her he was sorry but she was quiet, like she knew it wasn't her place to fight for Seb. 

And that hurt even more.

Because he was her family, he still fucking is.

“I told her.”

Aaron nods, blows out a breath and stares down at the giraffe again. “How could ya, really, how could you just give him up like that without even letting me know?” He says. after so many seconds of nothing. 

And Robert just sighs, feels something get lodged in his throat as he speaks. “It wasn't easy, you have to know that okay? But she’s his mum, and she loves him, and I couldn't --”

“Let your son go without a mum.” Aaron whispers, strokes a hand across the soft fabric of the giraffe. “I thought we were great with him though you know? Didn't you? Do you think she could have done a better job, is that it?”

Robert suddenly moves forward, tries to reach out. “Aaron, you -- you’re the best daddy in the world, it wasn't you okay?” 

“Don’t say that to me. Don’t you fuckin’ dare when you've let him go.” Aaron shouts, frowns. “’Cause it doesn't matter now does it, not to him. Ross’ll be more of a dad to him than I ever will. Ross.” He almost chuckles and Robert’s jaw tenses.

“No way.” He says suddenly, shaking his head. “Aaron, he loves ya.”

Aaron looks up. “And I love him, like my own, but at the end of the day it didn't matter. And I wish he was mine but he isn't is he?”

“You’re his dad Aaron.” Robert says seriously, chin trembling. “He’s yours.”

Aaron winces. “Not when it mattered.” He says, so finally that Robert nearly trips over how much it aches him. “And I never will be.”

He goes to leave, places the monitor down like he has to remind himself to leave it behind, break the force of habit. Bur Robert places a hand on his chest. 

“This, it doesn't change how much we love him or he loves us. I should have told ya but I was so scared and I didn't -- I was just tryna make it all okay. I was really trying to be a good person for once in my life and --”

“I hope you feel like one.” Aaron says drily, pushes Robert’s arm away from him. “And I hope you can live with yourself.”

Robert shudders, frowning, confused and hurt and --

“With you I can, without you hating me I could. Aaron, please tell me you don’t hate me.”

Only Aaron just leaves, and he watches him disappear downstairs with the spare blanket.

--

He doesn't sleep, just keeps looking at pictures of Seb on his phone and re-reading the text Rebecca had sent hours ago.

Apparently all is well. 

He wants it to settle something in his chest only it doesn't. 

He shuffles further down on the bed and sighs, this sudden awareness setting in, the one that says he’s alone.

But the door goes, the hall light comes flooding in and Aaron stands there with the blanket over his shoulder. He doesn't say anything as he sets it down and climbs into the bed, hesitantly pulls the covers over him and looks at Robert with these heavy eyes. 

“I could never hate ya.” Aaron says, and Robert’s whole body liquefies as he hears him speak. He gravitates towards Aaron without warning, buries his head in Aaron’s chest and shudders a little. He feels Aaron tentatively press a kiss to his head, feels his anger, his pain, but that love is there too just like always. 

Robert keeps saying he’s sorry, repeats it as Aaron holds him and then he pulls away. It makes Robert panic a little, and then Aaron is holding Jeff again, squeezing at the little Giraffe and then placing it between them both.

“So we’re both not alone in this.”

This day, this feeling, this sadness.

Robert nods, can’t help but drift off now that Aaron’s right here.

[yifanskris]

 I like mpreg (ehem) and wolf au so much,so here’s the recommendation list no one asked LOL (long list ahead bye)

(Disclaimer: Just kaisoo (ks), chanbaek (cb) and krisho (kh))

(mpreg + wolf au )

(ks) Knocked Up  (Knocked Up series) by jjokkomi - seriously who hasn’t read this? I couldn’t find the 1st part, but you can read the ficlets. I have read this for 5 times already. That’s just how I love it.

(ks) With You by jjokkomi - my love.....urgh can’t get over this

(KS) eventually (i fall into you) BY  jjokkomi - MU NEWEST ADDICTION TBH I FEEL SO HAPPY WHENEVER I GET NOTIFIED

(cb) Décalcomanie by  yuni3010 - roller coaster kind of fic

(ks) Baby (Shower You With My Love) by   kafkaiesque - they’re making babies yup that’s it

(various) The Obligations of Love by  numnum - read the tags first.  T^T

(ks) First Comes Love by  memefucker69 - jongin is smitten huhuhuhu

(cb)Complete by  kumo_is_kumo - ahhhh so cuteeee

(kh) i have something to tell you. by  applemyeon - jm wants to have a baby and urgh too much fluff

(ks) Revert by kumo_is_kumo - broken!kaisoo but happy ending

(ks) One by  kumo_is_kumo - god kumo

(ks) Meet Me Halfway by  flowergirl - this is still ongoing but i love idol aus too

(cb )  Dreamer by  flowergirl - this is such a masterpiece. beautifully written

(ks) Good Graces by  flowergirl - srsly hands down to flowergirl u go girl. this is one of my fav fics of all time istg, THIS IS GOLD.

(cb) Mated with Moonshine by  ALWrites - istg while reading this, i pictured moana’s grandma as chan’s grandma but that’s just me but i srsly love this bc it isn’t ur usual wolf au  

(kh) you and me, forever. by  applemyeon - hello bye bye 100 urgh mah heart my heart pls

(cb) Not a Fairy Tale by  chanyeoloving - i read this before taking my examinations and yeah, truly worth it.

(cb) Until Kingdom Come-  baeconandeggs - The ending is too cute i cant

(cb) And Then There Was You  by ToffeeCoffee - ksoo as chanbaek’s child. my heart is screaming for ksoo mygahd this fic definitely hurts me so good like im not complaining, this fic is so.......urgh love it

(ks) Familiar by  writingblankspaces - kadi’s journey to make babies urgh so cute

(ks) Monochromatic Hearts by  greensooshi - another idol au that i love, makeup plus ksoo is perfection, it is not yet finished tho

(cb) The Domino Effect by  nionxdirection - iconic. one of the first cb fics that i’ve read

(kh)Family Planning by  writingblankspaces - bAby fever hahhaha but srsly tho i love domestic krisho

(ks) My Dearest by  kumo_is_kumo yup bunny ksoo byeeee

(ks)  Push and Pull by  psydog- i cried

(cb) Raised in Love by  tinkerklang i hated chanyeol in here. y u making my baek cry????

(ks) Dark Shadows (Are Woken Inside of Me) by  indigomini - yup totally woke me up jk 

(kh) 엄마야! (Oh My God!) by  latesleeper - implied mpreg here but i wish there’s a sequel tbh

(kh)  it's only just begun by  seafoamblues - yup i love smut

You’re my home by  kumo_is_kumo - royal au plus mpreg equals LOVEEEE

(ks) Life's a Beach, Enjoy the Waves by flower_girl  i wish i could write as beautiful as this

(ks) My Alpha by  Sehun8gfat - yup going to hell

(ks) An Itch to Scratch by  ohdyoskai - pretty new but it looks promising

(ks) and (cb)  Croquembouche by Babygunsho - chanyeol as kaisoo’s kid and the last part is so sweet

(cb) Let's make it for(ever). by chanmosphere- so sweettttt

(cb) Here goes nothing (Chanbaek version) by chanmosphere - there’s a kaisoo ver of this but it is still good

(kh) Mood Swings and Stuff by ditsidits - sehunnie as krisho’s kiddo huhuhuhuh short but still fluffy 

(kh) Irreversible by  akaipenguin - the angsttttt

(kh) Blessing by   akaipenguin - so touching

(kh)First step ,  "You little―" , Midnight Snack , Waterbag ,  Ignorance , Crush  by  awkwardloser - cute wu family with jongdae, kyungsoo and twins sekai

(ks) No buts, just beauty by flower_girl - one of my fav, tbh everything that flower_girl wrote is my fav

(cb,ks)Lovin' You Mo' by BigDaddyTaemin - still ongoing but it’s so cute. i love chanyeol here and also kaisoo’s backstory is kinda sad

(cb) Harder Than Confessing a Crush by happyendingexo

(kh) Roses after Rain by MachineWired - read this pls

updated as of 5/14/18

[blueshipstealstars]

You’re Amazing, Don’t Forget That

First off, a shout out to @emmieships @angel-the-self-insert @sugarmilk-ships @selfinsertheaven @musical-selfshipper @tired-tactician @hinatas-wife @heartstringsymphonies for taking the time to mention me and say such kind words? It’s amazing???? You’re awesome??

Secondly, as mentioned before, time to throw my thanks into the ring!

@myseaofstars, you know why you’re on here. You’re one of the people I knew outside this community, one the ones who FINALLY after years of saying no self shipping to finally, finally get me to do it. You are an amazing person and incredibly kind and lovely and my day gets brighter hearing from you because you are just wonderful, Azure.

@insomniasqueen, you’re a gem?? And one of the earlier accounts I followed here/interacted with and it’s been a total pleasure talking to you. It’s awesome to have someone to cry to about DGM finally??? Also I’m loving the trend of us having similar tastes in characters it’s really funny and I am forever in love with your ship with Ichi <3

@ilovemyfos a sweet adorable good gal who I love watching talk about her fos and her art is adorable and wonderful and FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE READ KHR I WAS SO LONELY THANK YOU DEAR

@salty-kira I will never not be shocked how friendly and nice you are? Like I was in shock when we started talking??? Like what??? Me??? You’re so talented and I’m blessed (also you got me to make a fe insert finally thanks LMAO)

@sludgge another shocking encounter which I enjoy. You have a crazy cool energy about you and I adore it and also I’m super biased because I love your ships and art and also I love your kid with Mic and just aaaaaaahhhh TF and loud man are my favs about your blog alongside your art is which AWESOME.

@anotherselfshippingsideblog A good and valid person who is making a really neat trend of works with your Voltron AU. It’s been so cool to see where you’ve been going with that as well as the other wonderful ships you are in!

@screechingbuutti Always a pleasure doing trades with you I cant describe how you have such good tastes in ships? Like yes? Your art is super nice and I get excited seeing it on my dash~

@mindless-self-pudding Youuuuuu are such a wacky lil nugget? I love it? I LOVE you and mondo and would die for you ok and remember to leave you a side of mondo tiddy when I pass on for you yeah? 

@sirnighteye One of my MVP of reacting to my dumb content that also feels validating to see your cute responses to my nonsense.

@musical-selfshipper Let me just, shove you and Shooks closer?? Yeah??? Gotta validate the valid ship??? Also its a blast talking to you as always and lastly: umu

@0-055 a sweet bab who listens to my wild Fate nonsense and of course you gotta give thanks for making and working so hard on Insertia with the other wonderful people. Also I followed cause Ike and stayed for other cool ships like wow I love you and Karna? So nice

And lastly, a larger shout out to @manta-star-ships @honeyshipping@swervesselfinserts @magicalfox-shipper @millizines @hinatas-wife @lilacindulgence @demonlordbiker @cottoncandyships @heartstringsymphonies @selfloving-shipper @selfinsertheaven @sugarmilk-ships @queenieships @tinseltina @self-ship-on-main @stubbornselfshipping @curvy-roses @atomic-shipping @self-ship-martian @tired-tactician @selfinsertdio @limey-blue-arty-do @bad-blue-moon-rising @lildreamysoul @alotta-lovin @star-platinums-wife and many more!

Seriously I cannot repeat myself enough about how amazing this community is. I really enjoy every second of it so thank you! And of course, I feel all your ships are valid and amazing and I wish you the best!

[xanams]

For the salty ask meme, how about 4 and 5?

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*hmmmm, i dont think i do in any of my current fandoms! I mean I really don’t like any of the ships that are (debatable, somehow) adult/child pairs in the kh fandom (yes, including That Popular One), which makes finding good sora/riku fics hard if i dont just sit and gloss over the sideships, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*...does it count if i cant look at my old main fandom and otp with the same fondness any more bc of my ex?as for rn, kinda. i love sora/kairi, but in the context of what their dynamic is actually like in the games. playing them, i really appreciate all their interactions and find them absolutely adorable, but except from a few trusted ppl, i can’t enjoy fandom content of the two of them (unless riku is also dating them both at the same time) at all, be it fanart or fanfics. the sora/kairi fandom seems to suck in general and makes them ooc, gets sora completely wrong both in looks and in personality(seriously, why tf do they make him so tall and kinda buff, did they start drawing riku and forget halfway through smh), and it kinda takes away from what makes them a cute couple in the first place. tbh though, i didn’t fully snap with the fandom for this pair until That One Popular Artist showed their true colours, continued to be shameless about it, and then the fandom leapt to their defence. that was the moment i decided i was done with them. when someone’s fandom space is just Too Het, i get suspicious now, which sucks when i love a lot of m/f pairs in kh.so tl;dr: they aint gonna stop me lovin this ship. but im not gonna love it with them. im gonna do that all by myself.

[the-taintedtruth]

‘13 Reasons Why’ Season 2 trailer - a frame by frame analysis (long post)

First of all the song is eerie as f

The school is going to be a big factor again

Clay is still pretty mopey and looks exactly the same (but the cut on his head has finally fucking healed thank GOD)

And he is possibly being threatened by dickhead Bryce who shouldn’t even still be walking around school!!!!!!!!!!! get the f out

Someone got pretty snap happy with their new Fujifilm mini. Polaroids are the new tapes, watch this space

Something tells me we’re not gonna find out who the other one is/ones are until the last episode and I’m gonna be calling in sick to work to find out immediately

Hannah’s sticking around in flashbacks and in Clay’s head (obvs cus how else can she lol). Oh and her hair grew back

I love these two together even if it’s all PRETEND

This pair are possibly working together like child detectives so everyone better fucking watch out. And Tony’s still rocking that leather jacket, you go girl

Almost forgot about this guy

What is this????? I don’t remember a letter in S1 except for the one Zach didn’t throw away, but why would Tony have it and why would he burn it? hmmmmm

“Who would believe a drunk slut” erm me actually????? I got u Jessica

Who’s this idiot living with now, he should be in jail too

Jessica’s made new friends (probs for the best)

Who the fuck is this imposter, I’m done with him already

Clay is losing it and clearly needs some therapy

What’s this and who is Picasso????

Lol just Ryan. Fuck off Ryan with your shit drawing

Tyler is still being pushed the fuck around yawn

More Polaroids. The photographer must be rich, do you have any idea how much film costs for those things

Also this is Clay, Sheri and who????? maybs Justin but why

Clay is done with ur shit Sheri

HE. So the Polaroid snapper is a he????? interesting

Justin seriously needs a shower, he used to be kinda cute :(

Someone’s whacked Bryce, congrats whoever you are

Also he says “we’re all in this together now”. REALLY who made u king of the world

Ok then Zach, traitor

HEREEEE he fucking is. Someone tell me he ain’t still a counselor

Sheri got a makeover and looks like she should be in Bratz the movie

I hate this motherfucker

Jess also had a makeover, lovin the hair

“This is proof of who they all are” i swear if this season focuses on a bunch of newbies who had fuck all to do with the tapes ill lose my shit

Possibly the door to Bryce’s pool house?????

Who’s dis running with Tyler

Omg no someone save my baby Clay!!!!!!!

However it looks like they’re doing this in the boys locker room at school and thats just stupid someone could easily walk in

Feel like Montgomery is gonna be a big part of the cast in S2 and i’m not sure how I feel about that. (He is cute tho)

Aw jess its all gonna be FINE

YESSSSS its what he deserves

“STOP THE SPIN” what does that even mean........

Momma baker got a new hair cut and its gross but i am excited to see daddy baker he was super cute

Now THIS is exciting, love a courtroom drama. he’s obvs gonna lie his fat ass off tho

U cant tell but Tony is shaking his head here like “youre a right piece of lying shit bryce ill run u over with my sweet mustang”

I’m 100% certain teachers cant do this to students but im FINE WITH IT

So Justin finally took a shower and looks pretty dapper here

“YOU TALK YOU DIE” whatttttt who did this????!!!!!!!!

(Also the music vamps up here and i live for it)

Angry clay getting angry slamming doors when im pretty sure his mom always tells him to leave it open

This is like the worst squad ever

Ffs who is THIS!!!!! I zoomed and think it’s a female but dont quote me

And who is this with Clay, he looks sketchy as f

Baseball is the new basketball

Who who who!!!!!! i need answerssssssss

Ugh bryce is such a gremlin get OFF HER

Tony getting ready to do serious damage

Possibly to ex bf Ryan?????

GOOD you should be crying (also get some new sweaters)

I don’t trust this bitch already

Clay and who???? And WHY put that down clay you’re like 10

Like seriously he cant ride a bike but he’s popping bullets?

Looks like Clay’s been beaten up AGAIN. seriously where are your parents (no for real where are they, i really like his mom)

Justin working with Clay??????

Feel like this scene is gonna leave me SHOOOOK. The way he says “no one’s gonna get justice for her” tears into my actual soul

Seriously clay put it down, who do u think u are

Oh my sweet angel. This breaks my heart every time, you should be resting in peace baby

IS THIS BRYCE TAKING THE PHOTOS

This makes me super uncomfortable but i enjoy her top

Detective Olivia Baker has had enough of your shit, ready for justice

Totally forgot about some of these people - Skye, ALEX, Pratters, COURTNEY!!!! where u at bitch

Someone fucked up Baker Drugs omg

I’m loving this friendship for some reason?????

More baseball ugh (also I don’t recognise anyone here and its making me sad WHERES THE ORIGINAL CLAN)

There they are lol and UGH there she is!!! And hold the fucking phone----- IS THAT ALEX????????? YAY HE’S ALIVE AND WITH NEW HAIR

Also this looks like they’re in a police station omg whos confessed to what

Who are u GET JESSICA’S UNIFORM OFF

This was super hard to screenshot, it could be Ryan and Tony but I dont think so

***Updated: It’s possibly Tyler and a newbie or two newbies

Looks like Bryce is getting an award for some sports shit again even though he’s raped half the people watching, no big deal

(Fun fact - his mom is Brenda Strong who played Mary Alice Young in Desperate Housewives and thats exciting to me. But anyway)

Tony punching Monty. I approve

What’s jessica running after!!!!

Ok this is a shit screenshot but it’s someone falling off their bike. it’s gonna be clay let’s be honest

AWWWWWW KISS HER

Or just scream in her face, whatever suits u xxxxxx

NOT LONG GUYS

[bobowhooo]

Potent Savages

Chapter 1 Part 2 : Disruptive

genre : Thriller/Angst/trigger warningsss/smut/exo, oc, and blackpink gang au

Summary : This fast paced kind of life style isnt for everyone, but for these young rich savages this stuff is second nature.

I told you i would catch you up, and im a girl of my word when i want to be. So imma take you back, Back before the drama with jiyong the dragon. Back before i even knew baekhyuns weird ass was a member of the notorious exo gang. Before he knew i was a member of the infamous blackpink gang. Before we all started to hate eachother.

“I am so gonna make a virgin cry tonight” jennie spoke to herself while looking in the mirror as if she was taking a selfie, which i love watching her do for some reason, but in my defense she does look really hot. Looks like tonight is going to be one of those nights that we put on our less expensive clothes and act like we’re regular teenagers, i hate these nights, i’d much rather be at the club in balenciaga, sitting in the vip lounge with jiyong, but my girls wanted me to go and if my girls want something from me the word no always goes into hiding.

“Ayyye lit wayyy.” lisa sang out as she took a picture in the mirror with jennie

I looked over to the room that jisoo and rosé share in our three bedroom condo,  I wasnt getting a good enough look at them so i decided to go inside of the room, i know i sound like some kind of crazy smother but the relationship between me and my girls is not normal and probably never will be. I cant be away from them for too long and if im not close to them i have to atleast be able to lay my eyes on them or i just might kill someone. Yes i do tell you alot but i dont know if im ready to talk too much about that, so lets change the topic.

Snapping out of my thoughts, i realized that jisoo and rosé still werent ready at all. Instead of intervening or saying anything, i decided to just do something else, guess ill call my mans.

“jiyong?”

“honeyy, how is the party going?” 

“Haii oppaa” i said with a higher voice than usual you know the one you use when you talk to the boy you like? yeah that one. “im not there yet oppa”

“Aaahhh okayyy i seee” judging from the way he was using that sly sexy voice of his, i think he wants something from me.

“What is it oppa?”i said, i dont know why im getting an unfamiliar feeling about this.

“babyy?”

“yess”

“babyy, at that party tonight....”

what the hell does he want with this dumb high school party, i should be the only thing in his mind that has anything to do with high school... okay im kidding....alittle.

“Some of my associates will be there i want you to keep an eye on them.” his voice switched up this time.

“What the fuck jiyong, who the hell are these “associates”?”

“exo.” well he never was one to beat around the bush for too long, i could already hear it in his voice he was getting impatient.

“First of all, fix your tone, and second, boi you know i know most of all that the whole damn exo gang hates you and all your men, dont talk to me like im just another one of those dumb skanks you like to play with.”

What did you just ask? oh, well let me tell you alittle more about him. Jiyong the dragon is the top dog the ultimate big man in this business. He was one of those get down or lay down type of guys, of course that shit didnt work on me and my girls, which was the reason why he took such a liking to me in the first place. Does that cure your curiosity? what do you mean you didnt ask that!? 

“Hahahhah” hes laughing at me.

“ugh, oppa im supposed to be relaxing at this party.”

“i know babyyy, all you have to do is keep an eye on maybe three of them and...”

“And!?”

“Aaand make sure they dont leave until my men get there.”

“What!?, jiyong are you seriously going to try to kill them at a highschool party!?”

“Who said anything about killing themm...babyy come onn for mee?”

“You know that type of shit dosent work on me oppa.”

“please baby? ill owe you one big time.”

That caught my attention “ owe me huh?” thats what i like to hear. I could care less if those exo guys die or get kidnapped or whatever jiyong is gonna do with them, and the mention of him owing me sounds so delicious “hmmm....”

I hear a little laughter on his side before i make my decision,

“You got yourself a deal oppa” i say with a sinister smirk. And with that we say our goodbyes and i hang up.

My girls are so quiet.......shit.

I whip my head around quickly, with my anxiety building up, getting ready to run to where ever they are, whether it is in the house or not. 

“Cha cha?” jisoo called out. My real name is park bong cha, aya is just a street name. Not alot of people know my real name, and i like it like that.

My girls were standing in the doorway of my room which i share with no one due to the fact that all of the extra space in the room is filled with all of our weapons and money. 

“Damn i wish you saw the way your head turned just now” rosé said with a small giggle. She and jisoo looked like they were finally done getting ready. 

“Lets dip girls.” i said, actually feeling alittle excited to go now, which is such a first.

“AND IM LOVIN ALL RACES HELL NAW DONT DISCRIMINIZE AYYY WE LITT!”

I was posted up on the wall with some concoction lisa had some girl she was macking on make for me. It tasted good though. I had already informed the girls about the little deal i made with jiyong, they took it well thankfully. i have been occupying my eyes with this cute guy who is dancing his ass off. And just when the song finally changes and he notices, the entrance door swings open and some heads turn, and mine follows the others.

Just the boys i wanted to see, i think to myself while smiling.

I let my girls know by text and we all, being on the same floor of the house, exchange looks. 

shall we?

“IMMA MAKE YOU MIINE TONIGHT!”

I watched the exo gang walk in all together, some were rubbing their hands together like fuckboys, and others just looking around observing the party and the people, easily you could tell they are a close-knit group like me and my girls.

“JUST ONE TOUCHH AND ILL MAKE MY MOVE!”

I decided to keep my eyes on the linky big eared one, the one who looked like he wanted to scream in someones face, and the one-

“omg” I said under my breath as I watched one of the exo members slightly bite on his beautiful index and middle fingers.

Lisa quickly slapped my shoulder with a grin “aye, you thirsty girl?” she said as she tilted her drink towards me with her adorable smile, “shut the fuck up.” I said with a dead expression.

The other girls came up to us in three different directions. “So whats the plan?” rosé asked while referring to my end of the deal I made with jiyong oppa. I wasn't listening though, still stealing glances at the exo members mouth and fingers.

“Stop bitching guys, I will remember what she looks like, trust me, damn.” chanyeol stated as he scrunched up his face a little. All I can think is that its such a damn shame chanyeol is the only one who saw jiyongs girl, putting all our eggs in chanyeols fucked up basket is really fucking annoying. “Baekhyun, I know what your thinking, and no im not stupid enough to put all our eggs in chanyeols fucked up basket, just know that.” Suho spoke while he squeezed my shoulder as if he was trying to make me feel his words,  what the hell is he? a fucking mind reader!? 

We already know what jiyong the fucking snake is going to try to pull tonight, we heard from a mole hes going to have some girl hes been fucking to watch us all night, but we came here tonight in spite of that to do our usual rounds, because not a lot of things are better than money and confrontation.

“Alright split, chanyeol stay with Baekhyun” Suho said with an exhale

Chanyeol puts his arm around my shoulders as we walk towards the crowd of dancing teens. “Anybody lookin familiar?” my voice giving off my bored and annoyed mood, I spoke with a quick elbow into his stomach. “Nahh, just lemme go get a drink real quick. want one?” chanyeol asked and got a nod yes in return.

I start looking around, eyeing all the girls in the room.

“ERRBODY GETCHA MUTHAFUCKIN ROLL ON AYYY!”

“Girls really love this song huh?” I said to myself as I watched a swarm of girls running to the impromptu dance floor as they screamed and giggled.

My eyes automatically land on two girls that looked like they just jumped off a runway stage or some shit, “damn” I said out loud on accident, could they be jiyongs? 

“Damn is right.” chanyeols deep voice crept from behind me, “all the girls in the kitchen were uggos.” he tilted a red plastic cup my way.

I took it from him and stole a quick sip, “those two girls right there ring any bells?” I asked as I brought up my left hand to wipe my mouth and used the index finger of the hand holding my cup to point in the direction of the girls I was talking about.

Chanyeol licked his lips, “I don't know I think I need a closer look.” he voiced as he rubbed his hands together, his fuckboy mode starting to kick into gear.

I smirked at the possibilities.

“Okay I guess we can have some fun then.” 

“You know if you don't make this shot im going to make you strip right?” the guy I now know as Baekhyun spoke to me sexily with a sharp smirk on his face while he held a ping pong ball that had earlier been cover in cheap beer.

“Well maybe I want to strip.” I stated, readying another ping pong ball. Hopefully I can finally make a shot.

Baekhyun, and his friend who is also an exo member, chanyeol came up to me and jennie a little while ago, the convenience being too perfect, we've been talking to them ever since, and somehow I ended up in a game of beer pong with Baekhyun, while jennie and chanyeol decided to look through each others instagrams on the couch next to us.

I finally flick my wrist with hopes I get it into one of the cups on baekhyuns side.

“Yess.” I said as my ball landed in a cup on the left of Baekhyun.

“aahh noo” Baekhyun spoke playfully.

my phone buzzes at that. I quickly look at jennie, Jiyongs men might be....

“What is it?” Baekhyun speaks. I don't answer, instead I remove my phone from the back pocket of my jeans to see if my earlier thought was right.

oppa

  my men are there baby where are you

“Aye jennie the girls are looking for us we should go.”

“awww already?” chanyeol said, his voice giving off a new dangerous tone.

They know.

I saw ayas face change after chanyeols comment.

that's right bitch, feel it. 

chanyeol told me she was the one three minutes into talking to her. I have to admit shes good. I totally would have fallen for her act. too bad I didn't.

“Jennie lets move now!” aya yelled at the other girl as we heard screams coming from all around the house.

“Grab her chanyeol!” 

The moment I jump on the ping pong table and take out my gun, jennie jumps off the couch, chanyeol grabs her, and Baekhyun pulls out the gun hes been hiding so well. 

Jennie struggles in the hold of the huge man, while I stare Baekhyun down. Both our guns pointing at each others head. aiming for an instant kill.

“You don't think im about to just give up do you?” 

I quickly shoot at the gun in Baekhyuns hand and roll off the table, about to shoot at chanyeols foot, he kicks the shit out of me, and jennie took the chance to get out of his hold, all of a sudden a crowd of people fill the room. 

Jiyongs men come running in like the CIA.

“Shit!” 

I start shooting the men coming at me. suho and d.o run into the room probably getting ready to carry out plan b.

Me and chanyeol somehow end up back to back in the middle of jiyongs men, this isn't looking to damn good.

I grab jennie and run to the exit of the room in full panic mode because I don't know where the hell my other girls are. 

A exo member with bushy eyebrows comes out of nowhere and stands in front of us looking like satan himself, looking calm despite all the chaos going on. 

I don't have time for this.

I push jennie backwards getting ready to jump out of the next window I see, until I turn around and see another exo member staring us down with one of his eyebrows lifted, as more of the exo gang pile in the room to help with jiyongs men. fuuuck meee.

I charge in the other direction gripping jennies wrist, and my girls come out in front of us rushing to get to the men chasing behind.

Me and jennie continue running with intentions of getting the car ready, hating the fact that I have to leave the other girls here. 

We reach a window and I look for something in the room I could use to break it. I find golf clubs in the closet and take a hard swing at my target, breaking it in one go. we both jump out and sprint for the car we came-

“AYA! AYA! AYA!”

My eyes feel like led but I finally start to open them, looking around to only find darkness. shit I must have gotten knocked out by one of the exo boys.

“aya?” 

my eyes widen. jennie.

I feel her breathe on my neck as she tries to get closer.

“same plan as usual?”

“ Yeah.”

These exo assholes should have fucking killed me when they had the chance, they should know never to cage wild beasts.

When the car finally came to a stop I realized my eyes were closed in anger the whole time.

I heard muffled voices and doors opening before closing right back.

My eyes shot open in anticipation.

Open the trunk, I dare you.

as if on cue the trunk door pops open and the exo men look down on us laying in their trunk, this isn't all of them though, where are the rest? I look up at them wishing looks could kill.

“awww you are such a good girl, I didn't even have to gag youu.” a dinosaur looking exo member said as he bent down to get me out of the trunk.

This time, this time when I shoot I wont miss.

The moment my feet touch the ground I feel a rush of adrenaline, I keep my composure until jennies feet does the same.

I close my eyes again readying myself for the moves im about to make. as they start walking us to what seems like a rundown hideout.

They are circled around me and jennie as we walk towards the destination and I look at the men in front of me, eyeing them up and down in search of a knife.

Bingo.

Spinning around as fast as I can in the direction of the knife in the mans pocket on the left of me, jennie quickly backs up planning on distracting atleast two of them.

I get my hands on it and move swift and fast cutting myself loose, cutting up an exo members leg and whatever else is in the way of jennie,

I cut her loose and spin again, always trying to use my speed as an element of surprise, I grab hold of a gun in someones hand and start shooting at everyone around us, as jennie follows my actions.

my shoulder takes a shot, as jennie grabs my hand and makes a run for it. 

we keep running into the dark forest for our lives as we try our best to avoid the bullets the are flying from behind us.

What a fucking night.

We spent the rest of night running through the woods and making sure I don't bleed to death. When we got back to condo, the sun was up and the rest of the girls were crying and loading machine guns. 

“We thought you guys were never going to come back!” they cried at us. I couldn't help but feel like shit, I wasn't on my a game last night and because of that my girls suffered. 

After that my shoulder was tended to by jisoo and we made our way to jiyongs place to talk about everything.

“I cant fucking believe this shit!”

“Jiyong what the hell are you talking about?” I said as I walked into his office with my girls

“im never gonna trust you with shit ever again.” oppa spoke in a vicious tone while walking towards me.

“Chill the fuck out jiyong!”  jisoo said about to step in front me, I put my arm out in front of her and walk into his personal space.

“Got a fucking problem?”

“Its your fault they got away, you unprofessional piece of trash. Do you know how much that night cost me!” well look at the balls on this one.

“I tried my best you fucking asshole don't do that to me I held up my end of the deal all you said I had to do was keep them there!” 

“Get the fuck out of my face aya, you and your girls are making me sick to my stomach, and don't even think for a second I was serious about me owing you!”

Ah shit my hands are gonna misbehave. suddenly my fist made their way to his jaw and accidently on purpose clocked the shit out of him.

“SHIT” 

My girls start giggling at the scene and I back away from jiyong as his eyes become wild with anger.

“Do you have a fucking death wish you bitch!?” yes.

“Nah, not really.”

He starts walking towards me again and I can finally tell that he’s not sober. He takes a slow swing at me and my face scrunches up in disgust.

I push his head backwards and he falls completely over. What a pig.

“Jiyong stop come on your better than this.” I said with a frustrated tone.

“DIGGIE” he screams for his body guard who does all his dirty work. Truth is jiyongs actually a little bitch, but hey gotta fake it till you make right?

“Do you really think that guy can kill our crazy asses?” rosé speaks with a raised eyebrow to jiyong, who is on the floor looking completely distressed.

“DIGGIE KILL THESE SLUTS”

“DIGGIE”

“diggie” his cry for his body guard becomes soft as he starts to sob.

“Come on, lets get outta here girls, he’s obviously really fucked up right now.”

“Don't worry jiyong, we’ll leave diggies head at the door for you.” 

All caught up?

AUTHORS NOTE : woooo! im doneeeee ayyy I had a lot of fun with this chapterrrr. I hope you guys enjoyed it! its like 5 30 right now sooo imma go to sleep nowww but thanks for reading! kisses <3 ~ laila

[tumblunni]

HEY I LOVE POKEMON TRAINER BLACK

this boy is literally me what the fuck

Has anyone headcanoned him as autistic? Cos seriously SO many relateable moments! Or another neurodivergence/mental illness or just social awkwardness in general. He's every relateable everything!!!

But seriously tho there are so many ADORABLE moments of him being awkward and super enthusiastic and AAAAAA! like he's literally introduced appearing out of the shadows stuttering so quietly that the postman thinks he's a stalker and judo chops him into a pond. And then his idea of a logical way to prove his identity is to take the postman to his house, ask the neighbour if its his house, and then WALK BACK TO THE POND WHERE THEY WERE ORIGINALLY TALKING INSTEAD OF GOING INSIDE. Like even 'here's the package back, lets start over from scratch'. And then in contrast to how shy he was earlier he's all BOMBASTIC when he meets the other two heroes, he appears out of nowhere on a Braviary screaming about justice and dreams and then vanishes again just as quickly after he's saved everybody. So he's so relateable to me cos he's both shy and loud! Im like that, im so MAXIMUM 110% POWER when im with people im comfortablw with but thats only like 2% of people. And the autism relateableness really comes from the part where he cant control his loudness when he's talking about his hyperfocus? Like literally its treated like a SUPERPOWER in-universe, and the justification for the games being called black and white. "Black can't focus without his Munna eating his dreams, because he gets carrried away thinking about becoming the Champion and cant see what's right in front of him. He needs to turn all those blinding white thoughts back to black!" So seriously he's literally written having a problem that gets in the way of his daily life and using a support pokemon for it, and its literally a problem about hyperfocus and ALSO on top of that he has difficulty talking to people. I'm not just being nuts seeing autism relateability, right?

Also this manga made me appreciate Tepig more! They gave a lot of personality to the starters, showing them fighting each other while waiting to meet their new trainer. Tepig is exactly what you'd expect so far, a reckless shonen hero type who's a glutton for food and gets into trouble because of it. And then Snivy is the snooty beauty queen/king who gets all cold fury at Tepig whenever its stupid antics end up splashing dust or berry juice ln its beautiful tail. So they fight, and then oshawott is the shy pacifistic one who tries to break it up. BUT also it has kind of a demonic temper when you push its patience past the limit! Ten minutes of "but guys you should calm down hey maybe lets just talk about this over a nice cup of tea"and then "SHUDDUP AND DRINK YOUR GOD DAMN TEA" *instant kill samurai technique*

I LOVE THEM

And its so cute how Black befriends Tepig?? It got into trouble cos its shonen heroness made it depressed about losing the fight, its always all "i have to be the best" even when its not relevant or when its causing trouble fpr its own life in the process. So Black can instabtly understand and relate to how it feels! And then Tepig ends up wandering into an angry Sewaddle's food source and stabding on a precarious branch, comfort-eating the last leaf it was saving for winter. Again, hyperfocus letting you get so carried away you mess up! Relateable! So Black swoops in to save it and now he's yelling in full hyperfocus mode ABOUT HOW TEPIG IS THE BEST AND THEY ARE KINDRED SOULS AND I WILL HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS MY FRIEND!! and tepig cries because its personal dreams to be the best are sort of a self hatred thing where it starts these fights just cos its scared of being laughed at for being weak. And this is the first trainer who thought it was the best??? *sniff* And i like to think that even the artwork was kinda playing into it, cos it says that Black needs to have munna take away all of his dreams in order to focus, but the visual representation shows a mix of black and white tiles with the single solution tile in the middle of all the white ones. So its like in this situation his special interest actually helped him, once he was able to unfocus a little and realize the similarities with Tepig. If he'd conpletely stopped thinking about it he probably couldbt have solved the problem! So maybe his character development would involve learning to manage his focus more effectively instead of trying to magically remove all of it at once? I guess maybe that could be a metaphor for using heavy potentially-dangerous medicine on neurodiverse kids to get them to act "well behaved" but depressed, versus actually getting them the therapy, correct medication if necessary, and coping strategies to manage their condition and retain a full quality of life.

OR, AGAIN, MAYBE IM READING TOO MUCH PERSONAL EXPERIENCE INTO THIS

Oh also and i like that prof juniper is written as a bit of a longsuffering only-sane-person in this world of goofballs, who's not afraid to get sassy and sometimes strict when needs be. She kinda felt like she didnt have much personality in the games beyond being generically nice in all ways and having possibly the least dialogue of any professor. Same issue as elm but at least elm had one npc state he was messy and disorganized even if it wasnt a trait they really showed that much of. Anyway i'm glad to see a juniper that stands up for herself instead of just being all 'oh you kids tee hee' to everything 24/7. Its really like the barebones necessary for a professor character, they dont even actually bother to write a good kind character! Kindness doesnt have to be boring!! (Tho i also like this different sass version too!)

Anyway im lovin this so far so im gonna keep going! Favourite scene: "Knowing Black i bet he's either screaming off a clifftop about his dreams or curled up in the library hogging every book about Tepigs." *cut to him curled up in the library, also screaming*

[mogitz]

ugggggh. Your story is stupid addicting. I can't get it off my mind. No pressure but... next update? I'm already impatient. also thank you for updating so much so fast. I know you've struggled with that in the past so thank you for keeping us bugheads well fed during the hiatus. you and @lazydaizies are seriously goddesses and superstars.

lololol note to anons: don’t use stupid in your first line. I about had a heart attack til I re-read it.

Gosh, thank you! And i will be updating: TONIGHT! :) :) and yes, @lazydaizies is one of the best and we don’t deserve her so always leave her some lovin’. It takes a lot to get a chapter cranked out but all of this response/interaction/support is 100% what has made me stay so current on valentines day is for suckers. We cant/wouldn’t do what we do without you.