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#i chose this quote because THEY ALWAYS HAD EACH OTHER AND THEY GENUINELY GOT ON <3
delicatepointofview · 2 years
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12 YEARS OF ONE DIRECTION
"We were always lucky that we had each other to share the experience with. I think we were the lucky ones. We could have all lost the plot because of all the madness that was going on around us. But we were all very good at calling each other out and we genuinely got on, were able to know each other's boundaries and suss each other out" — Niall Horan.
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mediocreauthor · 2 years
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The Tale of Sweet Summer Children, through songs
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for Nana Week Day 1 -  dreams / Ai shiteru (愛 してる, “I love you”)
I've prepared a playlist for the most bittersweet couple of the series. And I want to explain how this playlist is constructed while giving my two cents about Hachi and Nobu's relationship.
First of all, here is the playlist:
Act I - Sweetest Summer
I adore Hachi and Nobu individually and together. I keep calling them 'Sweet Summer Children' because... their romance gave me that taste. Somehow how I feel about their love perfectly aligns with what they think about it too.
To quote Todd from Bojack Horseman; "it was nice while it lasted."
But make no mistake, even though it was short-lived Hachi and Nobu didn't share a superficial, forgettable bond. They really had chemistry, genuinely liked one another. They wanted to live up to each other's perception, Nobu wished to be more courageous, Hachi craved the innocence Nobu saw in her. This doesn't mean that they didn't actually know each other. One take I don't agree with is 'Nobu didn't actually know Hachi.' Or 'Hachi wasn't her true self with him'; when you love someone, the desire to be seen as more than you are comes naturally.
Nobu did idealize Hachi but the traits he loved was still authentic to Hachi. Her wit, kindness and beauty, Nobu was taken by these and if he failed to perceive Hachi clearly due to being mesmerized, it doesn't make his love any less meaningful. This is every relationship at the beginning.
I share the same sentiment for Hachi, she wholeheartedly loved Nobu. I think if things didn't get out of control so fast, Nobu was going to be the relationship Hachi was going to put most effort into. Not like 'I have to make this work' but 'I will stand by your side despite the obstacles because that's where I want to be' kind of effort.
So the first act of this playlist opens with My Favourite Fish because... if you listen to it, you will see the melody is exactly how Nobu and Hachi's pining friendship felt to me. That sweet, giddy, airy energy, like eating watermelons after a long day at beach. THE VIBES WERE IMMACULATE
The First Taste to Champagne Coast is for their first night and some days before, when Hachi chose Nobu. And I think the lyrics of The First Taste perfectly describes their rush, how they were irresistible to the other.
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Act - 1.2 - Doubt Comes In or It Never Really Left
I added Normal Girl because first of all I never got over CTRL but also for Hachi's inner turmoil and insecurities. Nobu was and will always be the epitome of 'The Right Guy' to her, the guy who'd treat her right, carry her grocery bags, take her on dates however Hachi constantly felt undeserving of that kind of love. Nobu developed an inferiority complex towards Takumi and buried that deep in his heart but these eventually became the doom of their relationship. Insecurity and doubt walk hand in hand and when a surprise pregnancy joins: cue Without You and When am I Gonna Lose You.
The first act ends with Say Something (thanks @komatsunana for the suggestion 💖) and I think... yall know what scene I'm referring to.
Neither Hachi nor Nobu acted wrong that night.
Things could've of course a million different way however their entire world was turned upside down, existing insecurities paralyzed their hearts and the love they nurtured so quickly slipped out of their hands.
Act II - Gray Winter
aaaand then they are left with raw wounds of different kinds. Betrayal, disappointment, confusion, anger, pain of losing someone and the pain of losing the version of yourself when you were with them.
I picked Why Didn't You Stop Me? and Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart back to back to show... how different Nobu and Hachi's initial reactions were.
Nobu believed Hachi betrayed him, didn't 'choose' him, his feelings of confusion and anger were jumbled together. At Reira and Shin's birthday, even though Hachi explains she never cheated on her, it has no impact on him. He says: you still chose Takumi. You didn't stop me. The song is reproachful and confused, a perfect reflection of Nobu.
We move onto Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart; showing utter acceptance. I am sorry I am not better, I don't know how to be else. I am sorry I'm not the way you saw me, I really liked that version. I hope you remember me well because to me, there is nobody better than you. I believe it worked out for the best because you were too good for me anyways. Doesn't make it hurt less though. Thank you.
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I will continue with 'Glimpse of Us' and 'It Should've Been Me' for Asami and Nobu's... entanglement. Asami - although deserved to be much more, was merely a band-aid. A band-aid that can't serve its purpose because you can't put it on a wound that is actually in need of stitches and time to heal. Asami and Hachi are both social, good looking women exuding joy. Imo, it's very purposeful Nobu was drawn to opposite type of Hachi first but still ended up with Asami.
But with one difference, Nobu doesn't put Asami on a pedestal or perceive her as 'innocent' because of the stigma around sex workers. Just like how Takumi accepting Hachi's 'flaws' comforted her, Asami's 'flaws' being so visible did that to Nobu. He was also trying to prove he wasn't idealizing women or playing hero. Can't say he did a very good job at that.
'Be My Mistake' is for when Hachi and Nobu eventually gravitated back towards each other, after Ren's demise. The demon lord didn't grace them with a proper goodbye or closure, from a relationship they were hopeful about. Both had to bury every feeling, tragedies happening one after another therefore all the pent up pain, love and anger resurfaced at the slightest scratch.
But what could've been a closure only refreshed memories, they still couldn't get over each other. Because they don't want to. They loved loving each other and losing that feeling would've been unbearable.
Act III - Late Spring
The never ending reminiscing of Nobu and Hachi. It's different than the break up, when everything was felt vividly. This pain is muted down, both understanding- hell, even agreeing with one another. They aren't the same as that summer, doesn't necessarily want to return either. But there is yearning and there is friendship.
I tear up when I think of future Nobu and Hachi, still lending a shoulder to each other, cracking jokes and choosing to maintain a connection. I love Nobu asks about Ren, buys gifts for Satsuki.
I find their - i assume very worked on - friendship more precious than their love. Because you did it. You wanted put every effort to cherish this person and even though the life didn't allow you, you found a way. You fought for your friendship instead.
The Act III begins with the 1 and you can count this also as third part of relationships in NANA as Taylor Swift song series because that was the song i was gonna make.
Let's go thorough the lyrics.
I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "yes" instead of "no" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though I hit the ground running each night I hit the Sunday matinée You know the greatest films of all time were never made
I want to make things clear: Nobu and Hachi aren't unhappy with their life and all the sadness is for Nana. They are missing her and feel her absence. But as cliche as it is life goes on, even without their best friend.
I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now
miss taylor, you did it again. you've described an emotion from NANA perfectly. The second line applies to both and I bet they think exactly this. To Nobu, Hachi went to Takumi. To Hachi, he let her go by immediately assuming she was being unfaithful. A break up so forceful that it shook them to the core and who were seen as most childish ones among the characters became the voices of reason.
But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you i tried to create the energy of this verse with the playlist. if they were the ones who got to live under the same roof, as a family, the life would contain so much more joy. But the life they built separately brought so many other amazing, irreplaceable things. Their love is nothing more than a 'what if' anymore but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one
While we can't estimate how things would've played out, if Hachi waited just a bit longer to be with Nobu... maybe some things could've been avoided. It's a big possibility that Hachi'd believe that but also... even getting that small amount time was precious.
I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You'll meet some woman on the internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now
Manga ended with Nobu about to clash with Asami. In the future panels we see no indication he is with someone. i'd like to state that I am single. I think Hachi'd wish love and joy for Nobu no matter how bittersweet it would be. But here, last line is where it hits me.
You know the greatest loves of all time are over now
Ren and Nana was THE couple for them. Their devotion, natural harmony, how they fall back to each other with ease. They were soulmates, meant to be and now their story is a tragedy. The aftermath damaged their life so harshly, everything was changed.
And they are mourning for Nana and Ren's love more than their own.
I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?
How can you not? How can you not go over the possibilities over and over again? I dedicate this more to Nobu because there is also the possibility Takumi is the father of his child. That can't be something easy to swallow, to watch some bastard having the family, the life you might've had.
We were something, don't you think so? Rosé flowing with your chosen family
they had so much fun. treasured so many memories together with BLAST. what made their love so unforgettable was that sweet joy of belonging to a family.
A bunch of people who are yours, on purpose.
And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time But it would've been fun If you would've been the one
I close the playlist with 'Can You Remember the Rain' so that we think of these scenes and cry:
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ladychlo · 2 years
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They’re making fun of 1d and Liam the boybander while riding Harry Styles the real musician’s dick, and it’s just another form of bashing boybands misogyny that’s always surrounded 1d. Harry wouldn’t like it and it’s not going to help Liam at all, he knows that he’s not the most famous/wasn’t there front man, he’s just not living in the real world rn because he’s having a mental health crisis. Seeing 100000 people tweeting about how shit he is and how amazing H is isn’t going to make him snap back to reality, he needs help.
Mhmm genuinely some of them taking quotes out of context and some reacting out of other's reactions....twitter is just too much with the obsession of preforming correctness.'...and I just know the way they talk about it, just off putting and litteraly ruminating random opinions that can be a perfect SUN's article title back in the days. Like please, they talk about "front man" "jealousy" "more talented" as if it was the actual dynamic of the boys and I just know they know nothing about the band and about the boys, ... They want Harry to separate himself so bad from the boys, to shit on his boybander days and look at him still singing wmyb and showing so much gratefulness and appreciation to that time. They really just want the boys to hate it so bad and I remember once a great man said: "Biggest load of bullshit I’ve seen in a while. Typical unprovoked venom ..... Couldn’t be further from the truth"
They act as if they just got Harry as he is today out of nowhere, just popped out to be a great songwriter and performer out of nowhere. Each one of the boys had their growth as musicians in the band, its because genuinely they were all talented, some seriously forgot how big one dee was, and how the boys worked out to bring their own influence on the music. If they shit on liam's talent than they know nothing about the band. And the boys might have different visions about success and shitty managements on different levels so why compare??? i said this once to my friend, I dont want five Harry styles or five nialls or something like that ,no thank you I didn't even want that when they were in a boyband lol, like people who knows the boys respect their artistic individuality and genuinely respect whatever they chose to do, and somehow this is a hard thing for some to grasp on!
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clairecrive · 3 years
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"Bookish talks"- Billy Russo x reader
A/n: again, not requested but the idea popped into my mind after reading @faulty-coding piece. (I think)
Warnings: a bit of angst, misunderstandings but fluffy ending
Word count: 1.5k +
Tagging: @thefictionalgemini , @tarkanelima-blog , @pansysgirlfriend , @acciorudolphx (if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist by filling this form)
My masterlists are here.
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"Yeah, she's been going on and on about this book. I've got five more minutes to go."
Well, the things you find out when you turn up where you're not supposed to be.
To be fair, you didn't mean to eavesdrop. When you got out that morning you had forgotten to take your wallet. Here explained why you had returned not even ten minutes from where you first walked out. You didn't even think that Billy would be still at home, so you didn't bother with announcing yourself.
And look what a surprise you were met with.
Taking your wallet, you hurried out of Billy's apartment set on not hearing anymore.
*+* *+* *+*
The day passed as it normally would. You had pushed back Billy's words in your mind because you had work to do. It wouldn't be smart to unpack what it meant so early in the morning when you had so much to do.
You weren't mad per se. You were rather hurt that he had never told you that he didn't enjoy your talks about the latest book you were reading. So yeah, let's add "stupid and guilty" under your current mood. You didn't want to put Billy in a position where he had to bear with something he didn't like. But how were you meant to know if he didn't talk to you?
This is not the moment, you reprimanded yourself with a shake of your head.
Coherent with your routine though, at six, Billy's call came. Of course, he acted normally, nothing had happened for him, after all.
"So, you coming around tonight?"
"Nope, book club meeting tonight."
"Oh, right. Was kinda hoping you'd ditch them."
"They're my outlet for my book nerdiness, Billy. Wouldn't want to annoy anyone with my craze over books."
"Who said you do?"
"You did."
It wasn't your intention to confront him on the matter over the phone. It was an instant reaction.
Billy didn't gasp but the silence you were met with was more than enough to show you that he'd been taken aback.
"Y/n-"
"It's okay, Billy. I don't mind if you don't like listening to me talking about books. I just wish you would have told me. I wouldn't be feeling so stupid and guilty for all the time I've made you waste now if you had."
"You didn't waste my time."
From that moment, things between you had Billy went back to normal. Sort of. He hadn't confronted you on the matter anymore and of course, you wouldn't bring it back up. So you settled in your usual routine, without of course any mention of books.
"Mh," looking at the clock on your desk you noticed that if you only have half an hour to finish your last assignment and before you need to leave, " I've got to go now, Billy. I'll talk to you soon." You ended the call without waiting for a response.
*+* *+* *+*
You were currently on Billy's sofa, leaning on him while you watched a documentary on Ancient Rome. It was interesting and it made you think about a book you had read on the subject a while ago. You opened your mouth to share your thoughts with Billy but a flashback of his words stopped you.
What if he hated it when you did that too?
"You're awfully quiet tonight." His voice startled you from your thoughts.
"A bit tired."
"Haven't got any anecdotes for me tonight?"
"Nope."
Your eyes didn't leave the tv screen. Yes, the documentary was interesting but you also didn't want Billy to know that you were lying. He had the uncanny ability of sensing whenever you weren't being genuine.
Out of the blue, the documentary stopped and the sound of the control hitting the coffee table told you that it was Billy who had paused it.
His hands grabbed your arms and pulled you away from him so that he could look you in the eyes.
"You're holding back."
"You're holding me back." Was your witty yet unnecessary reply. Billy's jaw clenched but the grip on your arms didn't tighten.
"Is this about the book thing?"
"We're watching a documentary, Billy. Why would it be about the book thing?"
"You always have something to say when we watch this stuff. Something you've read somewhere, some time ago." He explained, quoting you.
"I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me stuff," he added more softly when you didn't speak.
"Oh, I know I can. You just bitch about it with your friends whenever I do though."
His eyes squinted lightly, if his hands weren't on you, you probably would have missed how his shoulders tensed too.
"So it is about the book thing," he murmured releasing your arms.
"Well, Billy, you've basically fallen under the category of the white man who complains about how annoying his girlfriend is to his friends."
"I've not said you're annoying."
"You might as well have," you huffed crossing your arms, turning away from him.
"I know I sounded like an asshole but that's not what I meant. I really don't mind when you go off for ten minutes on some book you're reading."
"Spare me the bullshit, Billy. You don't have to lie to not hurt my feelings. It's too late for that anyway."
"I'm not lying." he insisted offended by your accusation but you didn't bother responding to him.
Billy sighed, one of his hands wiped over his face as he, no doubt, was trying to think of how to make this right. But maybe it was your time to speak.
"I realise that me sharing every thought or little thing that happens can be overwhelming." Fiddling with the fingers of your hands, you tried to find the right words.
"When me and Karen chose our university major, I was sure that our friendship was going to end. It happens, you take different paths and suddenly you go from best friends t someone you say hi to whenever you meet them around." You stopped to look at him. Bily's eyes were solely focused on you, so you continued.
"To avoid that, we developed a sort of routine where we would tell each other about our days, what we did, the things that happened, people we had met and stuff like that. We'd usually met once a week if not more often and this way we managed to strengthen our relationship and here we are after ten years, still best friends."
"Even if we went our separate ways, neither of us felt left out or behind from the other's life. I knew her friends even if I hadn't met them and since she told me everything I felt like I was as part of her life as I was when we shared every class together."
"I'm a rather introverted and reserved person, Billy. I'm sure you gathered that by now. I guess sharing this kind of things, books I read, things I do and stuff is my way of making you an active presence in my life. Because I care about you and I wouldn't want you to feel left out. Also because I don't feel the need to filter myself around you." A pause. "Well, did."
During your soliloquy, you didn't meet Billy's eyes. It felt deeply personal to share this with him but you hoped it would help him understand. Not necessarily make him enjoy your bookish talk but to make him at least not think of you as annoying.
Billy didn't speak. He had let you have your moment because it was clear that there were things you had been keeping to yourself. You hadn't been dating for long, only a couple of months, so you were still getting to know each other.
Yes, Billy wasn't exactly a bibliophile but he enjoyed the thought of being someone you trusted so much to the point where you're not afraid of opening up.
He really wanted to kick himself for having ruined that. For making you feel like a burden.
Leaning towards you, he gently turned your face to him.
"What you've heard the other day was me explaining to Frankie what I was doing." His voice was soft as if he was afraid that he'd ruin the intimate atmosphere by speaking louder.
"I was listening to your message about that book and yes, it was seven minutes long and yes, you were going on and on about a character's motives and his psychology but I didn't mean to imply it was annoying." His eyes flickered between yours and he seemed truthful enough but you were still hesitant.
"It's okay if you don't enjoy it, Billy. My father hates whenever I do that but that doesn't mean that he loves me any less." You offered him another way out.
"Well, I guess this is why you told me you're not looking for a man like your father."
"Are we good?" He murmured, eyes flickering between yours. You nodded leaning into his touch.
"Trust me, you're nothing like my father." you chuckled, accepting his words for what you knew knew they implied.
Smiling at you, Billy's hands reaching to cup your cheeks.
"Do you promise to talk to me if there's something wrong?" You asked him, needing the reassurance.
"Don't I always talk your ears off when you leave your stuff hanging around?" True enough but you needed him to say it.
"I promise." He conceded, nose bumping into yours before kissing you softly.
"So, got any fun fact to share?" He asked you again, pointing to the tv with his head.
"I've got a few, yes." You shily smiled at him.
"Hit me." Leaning back on the sofa, he got comfortable as he encouraged you to speak.
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hella1975 · 3 years
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BANANA FISH SPOILERS!!! like big ones don’t even THINK about reading if you haven’t watched it
So i’ve recently been going through the banana fish extra content stories (angel eyes, garden of light etc) and it led me to Max’s memoirs, and i can’t stop thinking about this extract.
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The thing with Ash is that his death is so agonising that it’s easy to lose sight of the impact on those around him. We have this teenage boy who has suffered so much pain in his life, and the moment he is finally given a chance at happiness, a chance at this freedom he’s always chased, it is torn from him within seconds. And i do think it was this reminder that led to Ash doing what he did. He didn’t have to die that day. The knife is said to have missed all his vital organs and we have seen him survive worse wounds before; he could have been saved. But he chose, instead, to die, because he thought it was genuinely what he deserved. He saw himself as a killer, a monster, ‘the devil himself’. He thought he didn’t deserve Eiji and would only bring him pain. And Eiji’s letter, as much of a declaration as it was, reminds me a lot of that quote from On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous in reference to its impact on Ash; “sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined”. Eiji’s relentless love and admiration and faith in Ash only made him realise all that he thought he couldn’t be for Eiji, and in that moment, it was enough to just know the other boy loved him, even if he thought he could never be worthy of loving him back.
He thought he was doing the right thing by removing himself from Eiji’s world, but we see from Max’s letter here a new angle on it, one not from Ash’s perspective, but on those around him. Eiji literally never gets over it. All the innocence and childishness that made Ash fall in love with him to begin with is gone, and years later, he is still waiting, because whether Ash asked for it or not, Eiji gave him forever.
Ash died, and that was a tragedy, but what makes it worse is that his death was completely in vain of what he hoped to achieve. Eiji was better off with Ash, because for how dangerous it was, he was happy with him, they were happy together. If they had just been able to work it out, just been given more time, then they would have been happy. They would have got their forever.
Instead, they ruined each other.
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radiantmists · 3 years
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so i was thinking about this post i made some more and i feel like looking at the way the stories of evan lukas, agnes, and gerry are told to us is really interesting.
all three of them have this commonality where they were created to carry a legacy, to serve (or in gerry’s case, take advantage of) these entities; and each of them found at least some way to rebel against this, to take back their own agency and self-definition. agnes dated jack and chose the end of her life, gerry burned books and helped strays, evan completely broke from his family, made friends, fell in love.
but in the end, all three of them have their agency stolen again in death. gerry is bound into the book; evan lukas is buried at moorland house by relatives who take the chance to prey on his beloved. and then we come to agnes, who on some level did choose her death, but it also seems related to her connection with hilltop road and gertrude, which she had absolutely no control over. 
and deeper than that, for agnes, comes what arthur nolan puts into words:
“Never really knew what she felt ‘bout any of it, not really. Not in her own words. Guess that’s the thing about being the… chosen one, or... at the end of it, you’re always just the point of someone else’s story, everyone clamoring to say what you were, what you meant, and your thoughts on it all don’t mean nothing.”
(Episode 145, Infectious Doubts)
One thing that I know frustrated some people is that we never got to hear Agnes on podcast, but in the context of the above quote I think that was absolutely an intentional choice. Agnes never got to tell her own story; the closest we get is the story told by people like Arthur Nolan or Jack Barnabas, who claimed to love her. But the stories they tell are all mired in what they wanted her to be far more than who she was. The final loss of agency is that who she was was forgotten, replaced by what she could do for others, what she meant to them.
And, to a lesser extent, the same happens to Evan Lukas. He had friends, loved ones, and Naomi, but he was buried, the ceremony intended to memorialize one’s life, as a Lukas, on some lonely stretch of moor. And even looking at Naomi’s statement... it doesn’t tell us much about him, really, how he got out or what he felt about the whole thing beyond that he didn’t get along with his family. She loved him, but at least to the listener, his story is lost in favor of what he meant to her and what she lost when he died.
Gerry, we can see, was headed the same way. We get a lot of bystander’s statements about him, about how he saved them or creeped them out, and we get the statements of both his parents (though Mary barely mentions him). And in death, he’s sealed into a book for some inscrutable purpose of Gertrude’s, and then reduced to his utility as a monster manual for Trevor and Julia, and then for Jon.
But meeting Jon changes everything, because even though Jon desperately needs the information Gerry can give him, he insists on treating Gerry as a person. The big example of this is him burning Gerry’s page, fulfilling his wishes rather than treating him like an object, of course, and that’s an incredible moment. But even before that, in episode 111, Gerry tells Jon about the storage unit immediately after his page is ripped out; Jon could feasibly just dismiss him and move on. Instead, they have the conversation that fed all us shippers, and then Jon asks if Gerry wants to give a statement.
Obviously Jon does get some fulfillment out of people giving statements, but he doesn’t compel Gerry, and it seems pretty clear at least to me that he wouldn’t have pressed the issue if Gerry said no. What Jon does here, instead, is give Gerry the opportunity that Agnes and Evan Lukas never had: he gets to tell his own story.
And I think that it’s genuinely lovely that Jon is the one to make this change. Obviously the tapes have taken on a sinister cast with the final revelations as far as the Web, but I think it’s worth viewing them in light of what they meant to Jon, back then. He doesn’t want to be-- refuses to be-- another goddamn mystery. 
Because Jon, with all his struggles with the Web and Elias and his own transformation, also engages heavily with this question of agency. And above all, he doesn’t want to be defined by whatever incidentals someone pieces together about him; he wants his story to be preserved, and he wants, as much as possible, to write it himself. 
And he wants other people to have the same; he doesn’t want them to be forgotten.  He has everyone record their thoughts before the Unknowing in Testament; he listens, over and over, to the scraps of recording he gets of Gertrude, Gerry, Tim and Sasha. And when he finally stops Jonah, he does it-- at least partially-- in their memory.
Whether you believe Jon succeeded in defining his own story or not, I think there’s beauty in his desire to remember the stories of the people around him, as they were and as they wanted them to be told. 
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theunreliablewriter · 3 years
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Always On Your Side
Parings: Loki x Fem!Reader, a tiny bit of Natasha Romanoff x Platonic!Reader
Warnings: Sibling Fight/Rivalry, Cussing, Self Doubt, Very Minor Threat of Violent, Fluff
Word Count: 2.5k
Request: Could you do a Loki comforting you after you've had a fight with someone important in your life/everyone important in your life is fighting and you're caught in the middle? I feel like Loki would genuinely understand this most and would be the best supporter ever for anyone who's going through it <3
Author’s Note: This is so self-indulgent, I’m disgusted, and I profusely apologize. I also am sorry if this sucks because I’m still trying to find my footing in this whole writing thing again. Please comment, like, and share, if anyone enjoys this! Thanks! :)
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Your childhood—it was normal, you supposed, but once you got older, there was always some level of strain inside of you. You were one of the youngest of the entire group, meaning you watched your sibling and cousins grow up and begin their own lives in whatever manner they chose. Some stayed close to home; some moved thousands and thousands miles away.
You weren’t unhappy for them; you were quite the opposite, actually. You believed everyone should be free to make the decision on what to do with their futures without a single drop of guilt. And that is where your issue lied because that is what everyone else in your family got—guilt free freedom.
So, unhappy? No. Envious? Yes.
You had more of a friendship with your parents, which you cherished beyond words, but that only made it indescribably harder when college rolled around the corner and it was time to begin making a life for yourself. Of course, they encouraged you and said their only wish is for you to do whatever makes you happy.
Their famous line was, “If you’re happy, we’re happy.”
But, at the same time, they also would make comments about how sad they were going to be when it was time for you to go. They’d quickly say they were just joking, whenever you’d express how you wished they didn’t them because of badly they made you feel.
When you finally moved out the house, you lost count of the number of times you mentally repeated that quote to yourself—desperate to find comfort in the midst of making your parents empty-nesters.
The issue was, only a fraction of you truly believe in that line. The rest always feared they just said it in order to not make you feel so bad.
Thankfully, with time, being away from them became easier. You called often. They would come visit you. You would go stay a couple nights when your classes permitted and for holiday breaks.
No issues arose until a handful of years after graduation, when your degree and field experience landed you a place on the universally famous Avengers.
You had no powers. You had no supersoldier serum. You had to work your ass off, mentally and physically, to get to where you were. But you absolutely loved it. You loved everyone on the team—even Steve and his constant, grandfather-like reminders not to cuss. There was even someone in particular who you had developed a significant bond with.
There always has to be a downfall, though, doesn’t there? Or at least, that’s what it felt like.
You knew you were away a lot. Hell. You were away from the country a lot, let alone your parents. That didn’t mean you didn’t call as often as you could. And to you, they sounded fine. If anything, they were exceptionally proud of you.
But, soon, you would learn that was not the case with everyone in your family.
You and your sister had an immensely complicated relationship, to say the least. Since you could remember, it was either hot or cold. You two would go through periods where you were each other’s greatest friend. Then, like a light switch, it would all change, and you couldn’t stand even the sound of each other’s name.
When she called you on a day off and insisted you meet her in the city for coffee, you couldn’t help but wonder which would be the case today. On your way inside the bustling New York cafe, you silently pleaded it would be the former.
The second you approached her small table, anticipating her to greet you with a smile, you knew your pleads had fallen upon deaf ears. She barley looked up at you, and for the few seconds that she did, it was an obvious glare.
Hesitantly, you forced yourself to sit across from her. “What’s up?”
“‘What’s up?’” she repeated incredulously. “I haven’t seen you in months, and that’s all you have to say?”
“Well, it was meant in the sense of a conversation starter, not as an entire conversation,” you replied, trying to hide your signature smirk that went along with your sarcasm.
Your sister scowled. “I’m not the mood to put up with your smart ass.”
Immediately, your thoughts flashed to someone who not only put up with your said smart ass, but actually loved it since they were one themselves. For a split second, you felt to urge to smile at the thought of him, but it ended quickly.
“You need to put an end this ‘I’m off to save the world’ crap,” your sister told you. “You are killing mom and dad.”
Your brows rose at her ridiculous over-exaggeration. You’d be lying though, if you said her words didn’t sting. You loved your parents, and for anyone to say such a thing hurt. “I’m killing them? If you insist my job is me saying ‘I’m off to save the world,’ those two things don’t really go hand in hand, do they?”
Again, she glared. “You are killing them by never being around.”
“Just because I’m not with them every single day, doesn’t mean I’m never around. I work; I’m busy. They understand that.”
“You work? That’s what you call what gallivanting around with a bunch of freaks, reeking havoc wherever you go?”
“I would watch your tongue,” you warned. “They are not freaks; they are my friends.”
She released a laugh loud enough to earn glances from the surrounding table. “‘Friends’?!” she mocked, making your jaw tighten. “You really think you’re one of them, don’t you? You—a random girl from a small suburb—thinks she genuinely fits into a group of spies, superhumans, geniuses, and gods? You are spending so much time with them—desperate for their acceptance and approval—that you are sacrificing the relationship with your family. It’s sad, (Y/N). Pathetic.”
“I’m pathetic?!” you snapped. You didn’t care if eyes of strangers were still on the two of you. “You know what’s pathetic? You coming here, lying about mom and dad in order to guilt me. And I know why.”
“Oh, do you?”
“Because you’re jealous. You’re fucking jealous. I don’t know why; you have your own job you are great at, but this how you’ve always been since we were kids. Anything I do—anything I have—that you don’t, you’re jealous of. You don’t even have to want it for yourself; you just don’t want me to have it.” You stood, as she could only blink in shock. Before, you would defend yourself, but only long after reaching a breaking point. Your mother hated conflict between the two of you, so too often you bit your tongue, even at your own expense. But, now, after not only insulting you, but your friends as well, you decided you would take it no more.
Without another word, you stormed out of the cafe with rage pumping through your veins. You were so infuriated you felt as thought you could knock a building over with a single punch.
But, eventually, we always have to face what the rage is masking. In your case, that was hurt and even betrayal from your sister because of how she could never be happy for you—how she could never let you have anything without tainting it in some way. And above it, was the guilt sparked by her accusations involving your parents.
You mulled over the short, yet weighted conversation for hours, including the drive back to the compound. You weren’t sure what time it was when you got there; all you knew was that the sky had gone from a bright blue to a cloud covered black.
“You good?” Natasha—one of the night owls of the group—questioned with concern as you moved through the common area.
“Yeah…just thinking,” you just barely muttered.
“Let me know if you want me to beat someone,” she offered with a half smile.
Knowing she was serious usually would have made you laugh, but there was too much on your mind. “Thanks, Nat.”
You dragged your feet the rest of the way to your room. You wanted to be alone, but you were also dreading spending the night with your anxious thoughts.
When you opened your door, all was forgotten because a sudden burst of fear shot through your nervous system.
“Good God!” you exclaimed after seeing a figure sat in a dark corner of your room.
“Your taste in literature is quite…odd,” Loki nonchalantly stated.
“You scared the hell out of me!”
He chuckled and stood from the chair. “I noticed.”
It wasn’t a surprise to find him in your room, nor you in his. After he reluctantly joined the team, it was you who he quickly took to. You were the only one who didn’t judge him without getting to know him. With that being said, it was a surprise to find him in the dark. “Why are you reading without any lights on?”
“My sight is exceptional in the dark, of course,” he spoke proudly, making you roll your eyes. “You are also late for our film night, so in turn, I wanted to give you a bit of a start.”
Even now, the pleased grin on his face made your heart flutter. But that wasn’t obvious in how you flatly said, “Well, you succeeded.”
Loki’s expression abruptly fell. Your voice, how you careless tossed your jacket to the side, everything about you revealed you weren’t okay. In his mind, after how close you two had become, if you weren’t okay, he wasn’t okay. And there was literally nothing he wouldn’t do to rectify that.
“What is the matter, (Y/N)?”
With a sigh, you sat on your bed. “I made the mistake of meeting my sister for coffee today…or at least, it was supposed to involve coffee.”
“What did it involve instead?” he asked, gently lowering himself beside you.
You scoffed. “Arguing.”
“Over what?”
The two of you were far beyond the point of tiptoeing around each other. Whenever either of you sensed something was wrong, you’d give each other space if requested, but otherwise, you were there in an instant.
“She insists I’m hurting our parents because of how I’m not around twenty-four seven. But, I think that was just a coverup to be mad at me and start a fight.”
“Of course it is. You are in contact with them several times a week,” Loki said, supporting you. “What was her true reason for being angry?”
“Pathetic” and “sad” echoed in your head, as it fell to look at your hands. The loudest was “desperate” because it was tied to your sister’s belief that you weren’t a part of the group. Before, you viewed the Avengers as a found, second family, but, now, you couldn’t help but worry you had been lying to yourself.
“Be honest with me.” You glanced up to meet his unwavering gaze. “Does everyone view me as an outsider?”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, his confusion obvious. “No one does, nor have they ever. Why would you consider such a thing?”
“My sister…she pointed out that I’m not anything special, while everyone else here is. I don’t have a special ability; I’m not the world’s greatest spy; I’m not a god. I have always thought of myself as one of you, but in reality, I’m just…me.”
The sadness and disappointment in yourself evoked pain in the Frost Giant’s chest. Until he met you, he could have sworn what lived inside it was as frozen as the planet he was born on.
“And what if I really am killing my parents by not being around enough?” you continued. “What if I have been lying to myself about all of this—about them being perfectly fine and happy for me, and about me being an essential part of this group? What if my sister is right?”
No one more than Loki understood what it was like to be belittled by a sibling. For his entire life, he lived in Thor’s shadow. No matter what he did, he never seemed to be enough to even come close to comparing to the God of Thunder. Eventually, that pain and self-hatred lead to him breaking and, ultimately, taking it out on others. And to see you experiencing something so similar hurt him to the core.
“She is not right, (Y/N). I’m certain your parents miss you, but they knew when had you that you wouldn’t live with them forever. You have accomplished so much that it would be impossible for them to not be proud of you. You speak so highly of them, so I know they would not be the sort to wish you home for their own selfish reasons. You need to trust them when they tell you they are happy in their lives, even if you aren’t present every minute,” Loki said to you. His blue eyes bored in yours, as he went on to say, “And you are an Avenger. There is no one more dedicated, more caring on this team than you. No, you don’t have any preset advantages such as powers, but you should find extra pride in that. What you have accomplished, you have done entirely on your own. You have worked for your knowledge; you worked for your strength. Everything you have, you earned, and that is more special than anything. You being you, (Y/N), is what makes you special.”
For the first time that day, you smiled. It was the type to make your eyes crinkle from how broad it was. In turn, it caused Loki to smile as well. Early on, he hated how he had no control over the response, but it wasn’t long before he came to terms with it since it meant you were happy.
Although the weight on your shoulders felt much lighter, you still had to say, “But she has never been happy for me. Whenever something makes me happy, she always has to mess it up, even if it’s in the smallest of ways. I don’t do that to her. She’s gotten things I have wanted, but I’ve always tried to keep that to myself and be her supporter. Never has she wholeheartedly done that for me; never has she entirely been on my side… And all I’ve ever wanted was someone to be entirely on my team.”
“I am,” Loki said immediately. “I am on your side.”
So slowly, as though he would scare you away if he moved any faster, his hand reached for yours. The beating in your chest became rapid at the sensation of his long, cool fingers lacing with yours.
“You mean it?” you asked softly.
His stare held you in a near trance as his brought your hand towards his face. Your breathing hitched in your throat as he left the gentlest, most reassuring of kisses on your knuckles.
In a near whisper, the God of Mischief, your best friend, and now, possibly something much more, promised you, “Always on your side.”
| Masterlist |
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calliecat93 · 3 years
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Okay, I know that the Spones content in Bread and Circuses has been talked about before, so I’m likely adding nothing new. But heck with it, I’m talking about it anyways cause it’s just too good not to!
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The episode has Spock and McCoy somewhat saltier towards each other than usual. From the second the episode resumes after the opening credits, they’re snarking at each other almost immediately. It goes on for so long that we have the guest character outright ask Kirk if they’re enemies, and even he isn’t for sure. It’s almost like one of the writers anticipated the fact that some would legit think that the two genuinely hated each other, and decided to ask the question. For the most part, their banter is mutual and they’re clearly trying to rouse a reaction from the other.Even when at gunpoint, McCoy just HAS to snap at Spock for “[being] so blasted honest?’. Spock’s raised brow to me almost came across like ‘really doctor? must you be like this now?”. It’s got some amusing stuff, like the banter in the beginning and McCoy of all being being the one to suggest illogic regarding sun worshipers has Spock giving some utterly hilarious facial expressions. But still, the banter goes enough that event he audience has to ask: are these two truly enemies.
The rest of their scenes answer the question.
During the gladiator fight, McCoy’s still so pissed off that even fighting to the death won’t stop him from yelling at Spock when he asks if he needs help. Stress and you know… trying not to die is a factor, but still. But since McCoy’s a doctor, not a warrior he’s about to be killed… until Spock takes out his own opponent and nerve punches McCoy’s before he can be harmed. Doing this breaks the rules and Kirk chooses to take what would be their death sentence upon himself. Spock acted on pure instinct in that instant. Or even more bluntly, it was an emotional response. He interfered because he didn’t want McCoy to die, and he was the only one in a positon to save him. He even seems pretty started that he did so. But because of i, now Kirk is going to die in their places and neither he nor McCoy can do anything about it. He outright pulls at the cell bars, according to McCoy, fifteen times. Logically it’s pretty clear that it’s not working.
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With this, McCoy’s now cooled down enough that he legitimately tries to thank Spock for saving him. It’s awkward, neither one are very good at having heart-to-hearts with each other. Spock pretty much acts like it’s the usual banter and kind of condescendingly before telling him to get to the point, which causes McCoy to just snap it out at him. Spock tries to go into the usual ‘I’m a logical Vulcan’ spiel, saying quote:
Spock: Oh, yes. You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. You're welcome, I believe, is the correct response. However, Doctor, you must remember I am entirely motivated by logic. The loss of our ship's surgeon, whatever I think of his skill, would mean a reduction in the efficiency of the Enterprise and therefore-.
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Which is what finally gets McCoy pissed off enough to directly confront him about it. Why? Because he knows that Spock’s spitballing here. He’s trying to deny his emotional responses, despite having demonstrated it at least twice with McCoy right there for both of them. Saving McCoy despite knowing the consequences of doing so was an emotional response. Trying to escape the cell due to Jim’s life being in danger despite all efforts failing is an emotional response. He tries to say it’s just due to professionalism, but at this point there’s been enough episodes that the audience knows that that’s not true. McCoy absolutely knows it. He knows how Spock tends to keep his emotions suppressed and deny that he even has them, even though he very clearly does. It is a factor that has continuously frustrated McCoy. He’d never force Spock to be outwardly emotional, Plato’s Stepchildren made that VERY clear. But when it DOES happen and Spock tries to act otherwise? And after having dealt with this for nearly two years now? Yeah, McCoy decides that he’s had it as he grabs Spock, turns him around so that they’re making clear eye-contact, and makes his opinion VERY clear.
McCoy: Do you know why you're not afraid to die, Spock? You're more afraid of living. Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip and let your human half peek out. That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling.
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Which… he’s not entirely wrong. Even during this, Spock turns away from him like he doesn’t want to talk about it. But McCoy’s right. Spock’s been at war with his Vulcan and human halves for his entire life. He chose to suppress the human half, and it peaking out does concern him. He isn’t able to settle two sides, hence why he’s always insistent about being a logical, unfeelign Vulcan. Now we all know that Vulcans DO feel things. Very strongly in fact, hence why they suppress it to begin with. But I do think it’s safe to say that Spock is afraid of expressing or even talking about his emotions. Whenever he does, he needs to get his grip back on the Vulcan side as quickly as possible. Even though he knows that McCoy knows otherwise. McCoy is pretty damn good at picking up on Spock’s emotional state and Spock knows it. And I think to at least an extent, he knows that McCoy’s correct. McCoy might be being too harsh admittedly, but the point is there. Spock is afraid of letting his human half slip out and the constant struggle of keeping it in check.
I think this is what makes their relationship so important. McCoy’s really the only person who can provoke Spock like this. Sure Kirk can normally reach out to Spock, but he’s not as likely to directly confront Spock and be blunt about it the same way that McCoy can. Spock’s also really the only person who’s ever been able to provoke McCoy and get him think past his own perspective the way that he does. It’s vitriolic in many ways. Like I said, it’s hard for them to really be civil with each other most of the time. Even here when McCoy did try to start off as civil when he tried thanking Spock, it ultimately devolved into another argument. Even McCoy expressed that he isn’t sure why it’s always like this when he says “ I know we've had our disagreements. Maybe they're jokes. I don't know.” But I do think that the episode demonstrates the answer to the queation of if they’re enemies. The short answer is no. The long answer is that they have a very complicated relationship that on a surface level, comes across as hatred. It gets to the point where even they aren’t fully sure. But the truth is they do care about each other greatly. They understand each other a great deal. They’re the only ones who can reach out to the other. The way that they show it is unorthodox sure, but it’s how it works for them.
And even when they are particularly heated, it always ends with them coming down from it and finding a point of unity. In this case, there is absolutely one thing that they can agree on.
Spock: Really, Doctor?
McCoy: I know. I'm worried about Jim, too.
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While their concern for Jim is true, I think McCoy brought used that more as a way to bring them both back down after the exchange. Jim and his well-being is very much the one thing that they can agree on. I serves as a calming down point for them n this particular instant. After this while they don’t have anymore direct interactions, they seem to be on good terms and even enter the Bridge together at the end. They still have their heated moments in later episodes such as The Paradise Syndrome and The Tholian Web. But I think that for those who really do think that Spock and McCoy hate each other, I’d say watch this episode again and give their interactios a closer look. Especially the prison scene. Because it shows that for all their banter, for all their differences, there is a strong connection that is very much uniquely them.
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seyaryminamoto · 3 years
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As someone, who's favourite character is Zuko, let me just say that your analysis about the Southern Raiders is spot on. Something about that episode (especially the way Zuko acted) always felt a little... off to me. And I could never figure out what it was exactly and considering the fact that discussion about this episode centered around the Kataang vs Zutara, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. So, I guess thanks for putting my thoughts into words.
Oh, I really feel ya, anon. If you actually don't look at the episode from a shipping point of view, which seems to be the focus of most the fandom, a lot of unpleasant things really start sticking out. I'm personally neutral to the Kataang vs. Zutara debate, I see good points and drawbacks to both ships, and no one's going to convince me that this episode proved the superiority of either pairing, especially when the shipping interpretations have never been important to me when analyzing this episode. People can say Aang is right in the end, they can say Zuko understands Katara's plight better (which, considering Aang has lost even more people he loved than Zuko has, he certainly should have understood Katara's suffering quite well too), but focusing on whether Zuko or Aang are the angel or the devil on Katara's shoulders practically blinds everyone to the very glaring and mindboggling flaws in this episode's writing, imo.
In general, the concept of Zuko's life-changing field trips with the three Gaang members he'd wronged the most is fine and fun for most people, but from the first time I watched the show it felt like the production team knew they were pressed for time and needed some veeeery quick and effective solution for Zuko to gain acceptance in the Gaang ASAP despite all the bad blood there. I can imagine a lot of people love these episodes, but admittedly I wouldn't rank any of them among my favorites because, as interesting as some of their concepts could be, if executed right, my immersion certainly wasn't as strong as with the rest of the show due to the nagging feeling that this was all for the sake of redeeming Zuko in the eyes of each Gaang member... and not necessarily in the eyes of the audience.
They get away with it, of course, because by this point in time, the audience is 100% conditioned to love the Gaang and Zuko, and if you see them getting along, you should be rejoicing in their team-up... but if you put some emotional distance between yourself as a viewer and the events of these episodes, their writing leaves a lot to be desired, especially in the concept of giving Zuko a quick whitewashing in the eyes of Aang, Sokka and Katara, one after the other, so they can genuinely accept him as a teammate and friend. If we'd seen similar trips frequently or occasionally in the rest of the show, with two specific members of the team taking off on an adventure by themselves, it might not be so glaringly obvious (and even... artificial? I guess?) that they're trying to quick-redeem him for each of them here, but on top of it happening thrice, it's literally happening one after the other, too. There's no episodes in-between, it's just literally a four-parter arc of "let's help Zuko become friends with these three".
The plotlines to be dealt with in these episodes are basically catered to each Gaang member, tailor-made life-changing field trips based on whatever they'll value the most, all of it conveniently possible and doable in the span of time they have between Zuko's joining of their group and the show's finale. Aang needs to learn firebending, Sokka needs to save his dad, Katara is permanently grieving for her mother's death. And so, Zuko to the rescue! If he helps them with their personal character quests, he gets 50+ approval points! :'D Honestly, I'm absolutely not against the notion of Zuko befriending them, obviously not, but the methods through which they chose to make it happen simply might not be the finest...?
Zuko loses his ability to bend because he "lost his rage", but he's still angry pretty often, the show even spoofs its own writing by showing him losing his patience at Sokka... while at the same time trying to sell that Zuko "isn't angry" anymore? Zuko helps break out random prisoners from the Boiling Rock without taking a single moment to actually learn who they are, why they were locked up, and without pondering if they deserve to be helped or if perhaps they're genuinely dangerous? Zuko gives Katara every possible tool and information she needs to take revenge on Yon Rha, because, loosely quoting his own words, he "cares what she thinks of him"...?
How about if we'd seen Zuko trying to connect with Fire Nation people, to help his fellow Fire Nation citizens, especially the ones who were living in dreadful conditions, like the ones in the Jang Hui river village? How about if we'd seen Zuko saving lives rather than threatening to take them? How about if we'd seen Zuko actually reasoning with his anger, and either working his way out of it, or repurposing it consciously, or making legitimate, personal efforts to find a new source of strength for his firebending through self-reflection, above all else?
We didn't really need sudden one-on-one field trips to teach Aang, Katara and Sokka to trust Zuko: we needed Zuko to prove himself worthy of that trust, to show how much he has changed, to literally contrast his new behavior with the old, to actually see that the guy no longer jumps into violence-mode 24/7, that he's willing to listen to other people's opinions or wisdom, that he wants to learn better when he knows he's misguided or misunderstanding something or another. Would he have become BFFs with any of them in four episodes if this had happened? Well, it definitely would have happened with Aang, the other two would have been trickier, but they definitely would have been more willing to accept him if they actually got to SEE that the changes in Zuko weren't skin-deep. Katara can be as thick-headed and stubborn as she may want to be, but I have no doubts she wouldn't have been able to hate Zuko as much as she used to if she'd seen him helping people, much like she often wants their group to do. But instead, they don't get to see the actual changes and growth... they just get their biggest goals and wishes satisfied, and that's enough to decide Zuko's trustworthy, no matter whatever sketchy behavior he displays in later episodes.
I absolutely appreciate the worldbuilding context we gain for the raids on the Water Tribe through The Southern Raiders, but I don't think this was an organic way to tell the story of how Zuko became friends with the Gaang. If pressed, I'd even say that Zuko's overt desperation to be their friend is OOC, to a degree: if this guy actually knows how dangerous his father's plans are (and he's supposed to :'D), how isn't he focusing on that side of things, when he's always been such a go-getter? It's not like he grew out of this sort of ends-justify-the-means behavior, seeing as he's absolutely obsessed with stopping his father ASAP, by any means possible, in the finale, when there was no such urgency to be found ever since he joined the Gaang. How isn't he more worried about stopping Ozai than about becoming best friends with the Gaang? Immediately sharing everything he's learned about Ozai's intentions of destroying the whole world might not make them friends instantaneously, but it would certainly get someone like Sokka to take his information seriously and immediately begin strategizing how to counter Ozai's plans. Instead, Zuko spent all those weeks, over a month, even, teaching Aang firebending, going on field trips and hanging out with his new friends in Ember Island. Once you have all the cards on deck and you actually look at all of them at once, doesn't it feel like there were so many more ways to achieve what the show was going for, far more effective ways than through the "let's be friends with Zuko" arc?
Ultimately, there's very little display of growth, in my opinion, in this small arc, on Zuko's side, despite the most obvious and reasonable way to earn the trust of the Gaang would be by outright showing them how much he's grown. I won't deny I appreciate that the writers respected his personality and didn't just warp him into the perfect good softboi the way the fandom apparently interprets him, but even if Zuko was going to be cranky and speak one-liners like "I'm never happy", it wasn't impossible to write better situations for him to connect with the Gaang's members and gain their trust. Even if the writers were set on having these episodes happen exactly as they did, they absolutely could have been written in a much better way, to create an explicit and direct contrast between Zuko's early behavior and the new Zuko's behavior when it comes to things that matter (most the parallels I've seen the fandom drawing are things like "oh look he hated tea before but now he brews it for his friends! So much growth!"... would've been nice to see the growth when it came to a lot of other things, too, if the growth really was there? Am I rite...?).
I may just be influenced by other redemption arcs that focus mainly on characters having common goals and working together to achieve them, then becoming friends in the process... but I really don't see how Zuko's character benefited from these episodes. Yes, bridges were built... but they absolutely could have been built in a more organic way that didn't make people like myself (and a few others) question if Zuko had learned or grown at all, considering the way he behaves isn't all that distant from the Zuko we've seen and known throughout the rest of the show. And the fact that he really seems to have learned nothing in The Southern Raiders once you reach the show's finale... you're basically asked to take for granted Zuko did learn a lot of lessons because he says he did, to assume he's going to put them into practice sometime in the future despite he has chances to do it during the show itself but never does, simply because they drop the ball upon every opportunity to show how much he's changed.
I really don't blame his character at all, when it comes to these shortcomings... it's seriously, genuinely, a problem with the writing department. Take a look through the fandom and you'll see thousands of people who claim Zuko's character arc is the most touching, complex and beautiful writing they ever have seen... and why? Because we're in the face of tell-don't-show :'D most people's perception of Zuko's character are based not so much on HOW Zuko displays his growth, it's strongly based on him stating he made progress, even if there's too many instances where the growth simply seems to have fallen to the wayside or gone forgotten for the sake of a plotline or another. Zuko absolutely could have been written far better than this, he could absolutely have the redemption arc his fans are sure he does have, but for me... there's way too many gaps in logic, too many missed opportunities, to truly think his growth was as extraordinary as a lot of people are hung up on saying it was.
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Meeting and Dating Andy Cavenaugh
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(My shitty gif)(Requested by anonymous)
- Living in the middle of the desert was an interesting experience. You’d lived in the same home since you were born and yet there were still occupants of your town that you’d never seen or met; even though there was only a meager population of under 50.
- It was the sheer size of your state that did it. Everyone lived miles away from each other and any shop that was considered to be “nearby” was still at least a thirty minute drive so you only ever went into town a couple times a month. Which is how you met Andy.
- You’d driven into town with a list of supplies you’d needed and a wallet full of that months savings, ready to get your stuff and go as quickly as you could; hoping to get home before the sun rose all the way and baked you alive.
- Coincidentally, Andy was in town at the same time, loitering around the store you were attempting to shop at. You paid him no mind and went about your business until you were ready to check out.
- Once the shopkeep had rung you up, you found that you didn’t have enough money for all the things on your list and reluctantly told the man to keep something as he helped you pack up what you could afford.
- Andy watched the entire interaction from somewhere behind you as he pocketed whatever he felt like. Once you headed towards the doors of the building, he picked some cheap thing off the shelf and went to the checkout, watching you as you packed up your car.
- While the store clerk was preoccupied with the cash register, the boy snuck whatever you’d left behind into his jacket and waited another few moments for the man to hand him his actual purchase before he made his way outside.
- You were just about to get into your car when he came up to you, greeting you casually before he held out his hand and offered you the thing that you’d left behind. You looked at him in surprise before you thanked him and took it, shifting it to your other hand so that you could offer him yours in a handshake.
- The two of you introduced yourselves and he asked if you’d be interested in going out sometime. Since all you knew about him was that he was attractive and sweet enough to “buy” you the thing you couldn’t afford, you agreed and wrote down your number for him, telling him that it was nice meeting him and saying goodbye before you drove off. 
- He calls you a couple days later while out with his friends, a little liquid courage in his system and a bit of peer pressure from his buddies leading to his wonderful decision making. 
- You’re clueless and he thinks his friends will stick to their word of “heading out before you show”, which obviously doesn’t happen. You arrive and they’re still there, almost immediately inviting themselves to what was supposed to be your first date and making the night rather uncomfortable at times. 
- You can tell that your date is just as uncomfortable as you, but that doesn’t exactly make things any better. By the time the night ends, you’ve already decided that you’re probably just gonna count your losses and find a potential boyfriend elsewhere. 
- But fate seems to be on Andy’s side because the two of you find yourselves face to face a few days later. He gives you an apology, explaining everything before telling you that he’d like to see you again.
- It takes you a minute to decide but you finally agree and tell him that you’ll give it another shot, bringing up your own idea for a date in hopes that you won’t be bothered by his buddies again. He gives you a wide smile, asking when he should pick you up and thanking you genuinely just before he leaves.
- So, for your second date; though you like to consider it your first, the two of you go to whichever place you chose and wind up having a really nice time. He seems to be on his best behavior but his real personality shines through as well; and it’s one that you really enjoy.
- You probably give him a kiss on the cheek as a goodnight but the two of you share your first real kiss on your next date. You’d spent pretty much the entire night together and wound up parking off on the side of the road to stargaze for a while. 
- You were leaning against the hood of his car with him, looking up at the sky before your gaze shifted to the man beside you. He was preoccupied with watching the stars, leaving you to let your mind wander. 
“I’m glad we gave this another shot.” You said and watched as his focus shifted to you instead. 
- He gave you a smile and told you that he was too before he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. 
- Congratulations, you caught yourself a firebird in the middle of the desert.
- Andy really doesn’t give a shit about how other people feel like 80% of the time, and he’s just a fan of affection in general, so there’s going to be a lot of Pda in your relationship; if you’ll allow it.
- Handholding. He likes keeping you close to him and making sure that you aren’t getting into any dangerous trouble; especially if you’re around his friends. Although he does wear his gloves a lot so; even though he gives you the occasional reassuring squeeze or strokes his thumb across your knuckles, you’ll most likely be feeling leather more than his skin.
- If someone’s kissing a face, it’s you. His lips are for your lips only, he doesn’t bother touching them to anything else; though he does enjoy when you kiss him on the cheek or jaw.
- Deep, slow kisses.
- He calls you honey or baby more than he calls you by your name. And as tough as he likes to pretend he is, he’d love to have you call him by pet names too.
- Cuddling is one of his favorite pastimes; he absolutely loves it. Most of the time, he’ll pull you in, pressing his cheek/jaw to your head and letting you lay right up against him, your head resting against his shoulder or in the crook of his neck.
- A lot of the time, he prefers to be loving in a more reserved way. He tends to show that he cares through his actions and by doing little things to make your life easier. Things like waking up early to put gas in your car or picking up things that you need from the store whenever he’s in town so that you don’t have to go.
- Sometimes, he’ll set up a sentence like he’s about to say something really sweet or you’ll ask him something expecting a cute response and he’ll just say something crude or lewd instead.
“How do I look.” He turns and looks at you, a smile gracing his face.
“Your tits look great.” He replies, barely holding in his laughter.
- He indulges you more than he cares to admit. He might occasionally act like he’s too cool but he’s too in love with you to say no and potentially make you sad.
- Tv dates. There ain’t shit else to do.
- Cruising around in his firebird; and sometimes parking somewhere to makeout.
- Going on road trips or long outings. There isn’t a whole lot to do in your town so you’ll occasionally take the long ride over to the next town in hopes of finding something fun.
- He’ll never tell you that he does but he always dodges potholes and bumpy areas during these trips so that he doesn’t wake you up while he’s driving.
- Driving out to the middle of the desert with a bundle of blankets to watch the sunrise; or stopping on the side of the road during one of your trips.
- Sitting with him while he works on his car.
- Going out into the desert to shoot or smash random junk. Vases, porcelain, tin cans; stuff like that.
- Playing pinball and other convenience store arcade games.
- Every now and again, he’ll get some money from his pops and take you out to a nice dinner; especially if it’s after the two of you are pushed into doing something you dont like and he can see that you’re upset. It’s usually because of Sam but he still feels the need to try and make it up to you and make sure that you aren’t gonna ghost him.
“Hey, why don’t we go and get some dinner,” he’ll say, a hint of nervous desperation in his voice as you walk out to his car. “You can get whatever you want. Dessert too.”
- It isn’t clear exactly how rich Andy actually is but it seems like he’s sort of embarrassed to have wealth in such a poor town. Because of this, I feel like he probably wouldn’t mention it and would try to dodge questions that would lead to him exposing the truth, maybe acting like he’s less wealthy than he is until Sam “outs” him and causes an awkward situation.
- Him stealing things for you. You’d much prefer if he just bought them but at least he doesn’t tell you whether or not he’s stolen it most of the time.
- Likes to fool around a lot; he’s rarely ever fully serious and he’s always trying to make you laugh.
- Can quote just about any western film you can name and does impressions of all the characters. He grew up on those sorts of things so he’s practically an expert by now.
- He likes messing with your stuff: putting on your clothes, using your mirror for random stuff, picking things up off your dresser and toying around with them, etc.
- My god, the change of character he has when he’s with his friends and you, compared to when he’s with his parents gives you whiplash. It’s hilarious seeing him lie and act like an angel during family dinners.
- His dad probably lectures him about manners whenever you’re with them: things like putting his elbows on the table, saying grace, how he treats you, etc. Its pretty amusing to see.
- He seems like a good guy who got mixed in with the wrong people. Sure, he enjoys a little chaos and trouble making like the rest of them but he doesn't like hurting people and you can tell from the way he acts afterward that he isn't proud; especially when you give him a look in the middle of the situation and sober him up.
- You’re dragged along with him and the boys a lot; or he’s forced to ditch you to hang out with them whenever Sam calls.
- Sam flirting with you. You know damn well that he’d make you compliment him or get you to agree with his praise of himself; and Andy would be miffed but unable to do anything besides listen to him while his knuckles whiten on his steering wheel.
- There aren’t a lot of people in your town for him to get jealous of but whenever there is, he does. Most of the time, it’s Sam or some flirtatious traveler but other times it’s your celebrity crushes or old boyfriends. He usually just bites his tongue or makes some kind of sarcastic, passive aggressive comment; it depends on who it is and how you’re reacting to them.
- He’s always looking over at you and making sure you’re alright whenever he can; especially when you’re out with his friends. He knows that getting into the trouble that they do can be dangerous and he doesn’t want anything happening to you just because Sam doesn’t know when to stop.
- The two of you get into a lot of arguments but they’re rarely ever serious. You mostly just bicker before the two of you give up and decide that it’s a pointless fight.
- Whenever you do have an argument, one that he causes and upsets you with, he always feels guilty and finds himself unable to stay mad at you. He might not verbally apologize but he will try to make it up to you in some way and tell you that he’s sorry.
- He’s not big on saying he loves you but he does say it on occasion; and definitely shows it more than he says it.
- The two of you probably get engaged on a whim a bit too early into your relationship but he’s promising to take you out of that desert city and along with him to Hollywood so the ring is a nice symbol of that oath. 
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Theory/ long post time :D
Hello again! I am back with a brainrot stronger than ever because of that one conversation Dream and George had about valentines, I am certain we all know what that is.
First I want to mention that Dream indeed started the conversation as a joke, the continuation of the “haha George rejected me” bit, as we can tell from him slamming his desk. What was far away from what Dream intended was George’s reply, which was quote, “You didn’t mean it though”
I would assume Dream was probably expecting George’s usually relaxness as the answer, a chuckle? Him being sassy? Rejecting him even harder? These are the possible replies, but George chose to go with an half-confrontation about his shipbait/joke.
“You didn’t mean it” from his voice tone and rushness of it all, I would guess he meant “you aren’t genuine when asking me that, its all just jokes.”
Why? I ask myself, I remember us discussing how Dream doesn’t enjoy others making fun of dnf, or making dnf jokes a lot. Examples can be seen in jackbox streams. The reason we all throw was because dnf was essentially the core of his friendship/chemistry between George, others making fun of it would be like downgrading their bond, so he seem to got defensive, protective.
What I got from this is George is the same, except he’s fine with others milking the dnf jokes, he’s a laid back chill guy, he doesn’t let jokes get in the way of their bond, because he knows and trusts his best friend. What he may dislike, is Dream making dnf bait, well lately at least.
Let me explain, George may be getting a little frustrated about these type of jokes because he wants Dream to mean it, on screen, he doesn’t want Dream to compliment him, speak to him in his sweet voice with him just because the entertainment purposes, he wants Dream to actually put the meaning behind his words, his actions. Understandibly he wants confirmation, he said you didn’t mean it for the valentines bit, but I felt like he was speaking for the general, “you don’t mean it when you do these things”, it’s normal for him to think this way.
And Dream says, he “means it” completely, and I have the feeling George doesn’t believe it, the breathy chuckle he let out while repeating himself saying “he doesn’t mean it”, proves it to me. So he asks, what does it mean to be Dream’s valentine? What does that mean if he even meant those words? Well, to his luck our romeo over here doesn’t seem to thought that far ahead, getting this outcome of the silly little bit. So he logically says nothing, “maybe next year” . End of rhe conversation. I indeed felt like that conversation they had was definitely should’ve been handled in private.
But what I think George doesn’t realise Dream is, in fact, meaning what he says or does. Well, not the valentine bit as romantic as someone might perceive, he meants it. You can’t fake the fondness of someones voice, you can’t fake the obvious smiles they have when talking to eachother, you can’t fake the fact they synced their sleeping schedules, despite living an ocean away from eachother. You can’t fake the giggles, you can’t fake how they are their favourite person in that room. You can’t fake it all.
They are platonic soulmates, i don’t care or cannot know how their relationship with each can grow or develop, but I can know their bond goes beyond their friendship. As their own words, they just “link”. Like two puzzle pieces, a perfect match.
I’m just still cannot believe they had such a conversation live on stream. They need to communicate asap.
Well, this was it from me, I’d love to heat other peoples opinions! Writing this was lots of fun :]
-⚜️
Hello! I always enjoy reading your big brain analysis’! It’s definitely a very interesting clip. 
Dream not liking the dnf milking jokes in games like Jackbox and George being fine with it, even participating himself, but not liking when Dream lies/baits/ makes the jokes himself is a great point that I had never thought. These two are perfectly opposite as always. 
I think you’re definitely right that Dream started joking with the slamming of his arms, but when George started to say “you didn’t mean it” Dream’s voice  definitely changed. I think above all else, he wanted George to know that he wasn’t lying or making fun of him. Truth is very important to Dream - see the Detective Dream stream - and he wants George to know that he isn’t lying, that he cares about George without all the joking. He wouldn’t mess with George or embarrass George in that way. 
You’re right they can’t fake their soft voices when the other joins the call or Dream just randomly mentioning George when he isn’t around or Dream joining the calls almost immediately to take George’s attention off Quackity. Especially if you compare it to how Dream reacts with Sapnap, it is just different. All of it cannot be faked. 
They are definitely platonic soulmates, two halves of the same whole. I definitely think that if they ever drift apart - which I don’t see happening but if - I always see them finding each other again and being just a great as friends as they were before they drifted. I believe they were always meant to find each other. We are so lucky to be able to view such a bond. 
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fumingspice · 3 years
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i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky
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Pairing: Cordelia Goode x Reader
Prompt: “I just wanted a happy ending.” “I’m drunk in love with you.” “If you quote a Taylor Swift or Fleetwood Mac song one more time I’ll slap you.”
Warnings: slightly drunk delia, angsty, mentions of ill mental health. happy ending
A/N: I don’t even know. I think I’m just projecting at this rate. I wrote this instead of doing another of my five history essays due for Friday so if my teacher kills me in my sleep you know why <3
and when you can’t sleep at night; you hear my stolen lullaby.
Madison Montgomery grunted in frustration. Then again when she was ignored the first time.
You kept your head in your book, knowing she was desperate for attention.
“Lord almighty,” Madison groaned dramatically, sitting against the arm of the couch and then throwing herself back over your lap. Visibly irritated by the fact that you still handed looked up from your book she almost shouted; “Oh, how I wish someone would acknowledge my presence.”
You met at her eyes for a split second and returned them promptly to the book.
“That’s it,” she muttered. Madison gripped the book from your hand and threw it across the room. You clenched your hands into fists, doing your best to maintain your calm composure. That’s who you were in the coven. The calm one. “Look at me when I’m goddamn talking to you!”
Your eyes darted up to meet Madison’s steel glare. “What the fuck is the matter with you, Y/N?” she exclaimed.
You genuinely had no idea what she was talking about.
“Don’t yell at me, Montgomery,” you replied, biting your tongue hard.
Madison had no patience for playing games when she found something serious. Which although wasn’t often, it was almost always about something as superficial as a wrong glance at dinner. “You’ve been giving Cordy the cold shoulder for the past three months. I want to know what’s going on.”
You raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re kidding me, right?”
Madison threw her hands up at you. “Yeah, Y/N. I’m kidding I don’t actually care.”
“Typical,” you muttered. You gave a wave of your hand and your book came flying from the other side of the room. Madison turned around in one swift movement and punched the book square, sending in hurtling to the ground.
“I’m being sarcastic, you dumb fucking bitch!” She yelled. If you weren’t so pissed right now you would probably have been impressed with her reflexes.
“What do you fucking want, Madison? You’ve getting on my tits every fucking day for the entire week,” you started yelling unintentionally. “So, what is it? What exactly do you want me to fucking say? Do you want me to fucking tell you- yet again- that Cordelia has a fucking boyfriend? You want me to reiterate it to you that I can’t fucking look at her in any other way?”
Madison smirked, knowing she was getting you exactly where she wanted you. “It’s not my fault that you couldn’t keep your shit together after you broke up with her. The least you could do is grow a pair of balls and be happy for her.”
You felt your face go red with anger. “Are you fucking insane?! Do you actually hear yourself right now? Madison, I told you fucking everything! I told you it was a mutal decision. I told you that it was the last fucking decision that I fucking wanted to make!” You screamed. The anger had been building up for weeks, and sweet jesus did the release feel good.
It was late at night and you knew that if any girls weren’t asleep they would be hearing exactly what you had to say. Cordelia wasn’t in the building after all. You could say anything you liked.
“I fucking love her, Madison. Every time I see her smile at that knock-off Lindsey Buckingham I want to rip his fucking face off! I know you can’t see that because the boy you brought back from the dead chose your best friend over you and then strangled you to death!”
That’s where your words got Madison.
Within a second, you found your hand striking your face hard.
Composure was the last thing on your mind now as your fist went straight for Madison’s nose. A crack and screamed followed as the blonde launched herself at you.
A scrap insued, knocking each other into furniture, punching, kicking. You fell to the ground as Madison’s boot was launched into your stomach. Once. Twice. Three times. You pushed yourself off the floor and kneed her in the crotch, sending her down to the ground with you on top of her. Your fists had found a mind of their own as they gave blows to her face, chest and stomach.
Your body was thrown from Madison’s, pinned to the wall by some invisible force. Madison crawled from the floor and punched you hard in the stomach. Then the face. You could feel blood dripping from your nose and mouth when the force dropped you on the ground. Madison sulked off, seemingly satisfied as you curled yourself into a ball.
Tears fell slowly from your eyes for the first time in months. You’d finally released every pent up piece of energy that you had held in and there was nothing left in your walls to keep you together. Madison had taken a physcial and verbal fist to everything keeping you together.
It was true; the decision to break up was mutal. Although, it seemed slightly more mutual for Cordelia. You whined too much, you thought, for her to be happy as your friend. Now, months since, you found yourself in a false mask of calmness and serenity about the situation.
The tears were almost temporary as you lay facing the ceiling. Blood dried on your cheeks making your skin feel tight but you didn’t care to move. You almost fell asleep until the front door unlocked at some ungodly hour in the morning. You didn’t care who it was nor did you care to move at this rate.
You saw your reflection in the mirror. The lines of blood on your face struck nasty images from long ago of blood on your limbs. You had recovered now. You were strong and you knew in your heart of hearts that you would never allow yourself to ever feel worthless again. You weren’t disposable. You are not disposable. You were a beautiful soul in a soaring tide, although struggling to see that.
Familiar footsteps clacked down the hall into the parlour. 
"Jesus Christ, Y/N?" Cordelia's voice sent a pang of dread coursing through your body.
"Leave me alone, Delia," you groaned, your body still ached for Madison's assault.
Cordelia fell to her knees beside you. "Oh, sweetheart what happened?" There was a pleading in her voice as she lifted the top half of your body onto her lap. She dabbed your blood with her sleeve.
You could smell the alcohol off her.
"Can you stand up for me?" She asked, helping you to your feet. She brought you to the kitchen and began tending to the mess that was your face. "Please, Y/N. Tell me what happened."
You brushed her off and tried to leave to go to your bedroom. With a flick of her wrist, Cordelia brought furniture to block the entrance.
"You're not leaving here until you tell me exactly what happened, young lady."
You chuckled meanly. "You're fucking kidding me." You turned to face her. "Madison beat the shit out of me."
Cordelia's face dropped in disbelief. "Why?"
"I'm still trying to fucking figure that out!" You shouted. Cordelia's face flinched. 
There was a silence that you hadn't felt with her in a long time, shortly interupted by Zoe walking into the kitchen.
"Cordelia, go to bed," she said. She was going to bring the calm, apparently. "I'll take care of Y/N. I think I know what happened."
"Well, then could you please explain that to me?" Delia asked defensively. Zoe motioned for her to leave.
Zoe approached you slowly and took one look at your face. "Your nose is broken," she muttered. "I know a spell, it'll hurt like a bitch but it'll save the process."
You shrugged and let her do her thing, regretting it almost immeditely as your shrieked in pain.
"Cordelia still loves you, Y/N. I don't know how you haven't seen that yet," she told you, pressing a wet towel to your nose.
"She sure as hell has a weird way of showing it," you replied. All the talk about Cordelia for the first time in months was hitting you like a truck. You dealt with things by ignoring it and although it probably wasn't efficient. It still worked.
Zoe glared at you. "She broke up with Sylvester. I can sense it," she told you. "She misses you more than anything in the world."
Tears threatened to make themselves known once more. "I can't keep doing this, Zoe. I can't keep thinking there's another chance when there's just not."
Zoe tugged you into a warm hug. "Please talk to her, Y/N. Maybe it'll do more good than not."
You nodded in agreement and heaved yourself up the stairs. Cordelia's bedroom door faced you as you mustered up the courage to knock. You could almost hear the echos of memories you shared in her room.
"Police Officer knock," the girls often joked that you had. The door opened itself and you walked in.
"Cordelia?" You spoke, glancing around her room. You could see her outline laying across the bed, a glass of scotch in hand.
Cordelia poked her head up as you walked to the bed. She had clearly been crying.
"I'm sorry I yelled, Delia," you said softly. Her reached under yours and the pain hit you hard.
"It's okay, Y/N. But can you please just be honest with me? What on Earth happened down there?" 
Tears ran down both of your faces as you explained everything. Every word of your altercation with Madison, everything that happened, everything that you had felt over the past few months. Cordelia pressed her forehead against yours and you cried harder. How could her lips be so close yet so far away?
"Why have you been drinking lately? You barely touched it before?" You asked innocently. Cordelia pursed her lips.
"I missed that warmth," she choked. "I missed that warmth that I only ever felt when I was with you."
Her words shot daggers of guilt through you.
"No matter what I tried, no drink could ever match the feeling of being drunk in love with you," she sighed. "Time was taking its sweet time erasing you, so I thought I could do it myself. The drinks. The power. The men. Nothing got close to you."
You placed your hand over hers and squeezed it. "This is so, so stupid, Delia."
The Supreme nodded. "I know. All I ever wanted was a happy ending. I wanted to grow old with you. I wanted to marry you and adopt a child. I don't even know why I'm saying that I did want that. I do want that."
You dropped your head back. "Cordelia, I would give anything to call myself yours again but I cannot go through the heartbreak of losing you again."
Cordelia paused, you saw the reflection of your hurt in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I knew you didn't want it. I didn't want it. I just thought I was doing the best for you."
"This entire time I've felt like an open wound, Delia."
There was another silence.
"Y/N, what would I need to prove to you for another chance? One more shot to make this work. I want that chance to grow old with you," she said. The Supreme was begging for you at this point.
"Cordelia, I want you to understand that if it doesn't work out this time then I'm done."
Cordelia nodded solemly, her whiskey brown eyes darted to your lips. "Can I?"
You pressed your lips to hers before she could finish speaking, your soul ravaging for that piece of Cordelia that you had hungered for.
You found it in her lips. Finding yourselves giggling. Tears of relief, joy, happiness fell onto each other's skin like drops of nectar from the Gods. All was right when you were with her.
Warm lips, warm skin. Your hands weren't cold when you were with her. 
Your lips danced together in rings of bliss as she enloped into you, it was like a battle of nature.
Cordelia broke away, her body shifting slightly under yours as her eyes sobered.
"What is it, sweetheart?" you ask. Even placing your cheek on her hand gave you relief.
"I don't want to wait anymore," she whispered. She breathed in sharply as she motioned for you to get off her. You complied and sat on the bed, watch as she walked over to the dresser and pull something out of a box at the bottom of a pile of paperwork.
You grinned, tears flowing down as she presented you with what she'd dug out.
"What do you think?" she asked, her voice hopeful. You clasped your hand to your mouth and nodded hard.
The next morning at breakfast, you couldn't bring yourself to talk to Madison. 
Not after what she did.
At least, not until you noticed her smirking in victory at the sight of the engagment ring on your finger.
taglist: @sarahp-stan @jumpoffabridge-t @sarahpaulsonsoftie @definitelynot-a-writer @bottom4delia @delias-bitch-craft @creepingwolfberry​ @thesapphictimelady​
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allegra-writes · 3 years
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���Heartfelt”
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Bar musician! Harry styles x Bartender!Reader
General audiences
Warnings: None
Just some Valentine's day fluff with our favorite green eyed boy. Dedicated to @gaycinnamonrollgirl for giving me the idea, and @tomsrebeleyebrow for patiently listening to me endlessly gush about Harry Styles and still being my friend. Happy belated Valentine's day 💖
"You don't have to say you love me
I just wanna tell you somethin'
Lately you've been on my mind..."
Adore you - Harry Styles
...Oh, she looks so good, oh, she looks so fine
And I got this crazy feeling that I'm gonna ah-ah…
"Bartender, my good friend! I'll have my usual and a plate of your finest chips, if you would be so kind"
It was closing time when Harry, the local musician, sat in front of you, elbows on the bar you were wiping down while humming to Patti Smith's "Gloria".
You raised an eyebrow at him, but the willowy man could see the slight tremble at the corner of your lips, a tell that you were suppressing a smile.
"I'm afraid the kitchen is closed, mister Styles. Sam left an hour ago."
"Yes yes, but I have it from a very good source he left you a big pile of leftover chips before he did," He accused, "you know, as he does every night..."
You frowned in confusion,
"I thought you hated cold fries. That you found them to be, and I quote, soggy and disgusting" 
"I guess you can say I acquired a taste for them" He shrugged, mischievous green eyes sparkling, "Just like you did for this lowlife songwriter in front of you and the heartfelt conversations you share with him" 
"Did you now?" There was an edge of scepticism in your voice, but you were already disappearing inside the kitchen. 
Harry's heart did a little jump as you didn't immediately deny liking him.
"Hey, Joe" he called out, "why don't you go home? I'll help Y/N close when we're done…" 
There was a deaf noise as a young waiter, the only person left in the bar beside the two of you, set the last chair on top of a table. 
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I got this" he reassured him, "did it dozens of times. Go home to your girl"
"Thanks, mate!" The second brit practically skipped on his way to the backroom, but turned around just before reaching the door. "Listen, you know I like you, but if you hurt y/n in any way…"
Harry smiled, genuinely. He could never get mad at anyone that protective of you.
"You know where I live. Pick my sister on the way, though. I think she would like to join you."
Joe rolled his baby blues,
"I know you're not a creep. I meant her heart"
"Yeah, me too…"
Whatever your friend saw inside Harry's eyes was enough to convince him. He nodded and left, as the musician got up to lock the front door and turn the "open" sign off. 
If you noticed Joe's absence at your return, you didn't comment on it, simply setting the giant pile of chips and two cans of cherry cola you were carrying, down in front of Harry, who had returned to his seat. 
"Ah, you always have the good stuff!" the sigh that left his lips as he took the first sip of the soda was not unlike the one any of your regulars made after the first taste of something strong after a hard day. 
"Rough night?" 
"Kind of. Good show though, so at least I have that going on for me…" 
"It really was, I'm actually impressed" You had to confess, "And surprised too, it was a bold choice going acoustic on a night like this, with such a big audience," So many people had gathered to see the show that the bouncer had to start rejecting people so you wouldn't have trouble with the fire department "but it definitely worked" 
There was a slight blush on the singer's cheeks when he replied, far more humble than you were used to,
"Well, you know, Valentine's day and all that. The band, all have boyfriends and girls they wanted to spend the evening with…"
You tilted your head,
"And you didn't?" It was hard to believe, when almost every night he played there you would see him leave with a different, always sculptural, painfully perfect girl. Or man. 
Harry didn't reply, choosing instead to stuff his face with stale fries.
"Alright then" You raised your shoulder in surrender, "keep your secrets…"
He squinted in disbelief,
"Did you just quoted The Lord of the Rings at me?"
"Did you just recognize my Lord of the rings quote?" You countered.
"You are such a nerd!"
"Look who's talking, chicken little!" You gestured at his powder blue sweater with a yellow baby chick at the front and herringbone pants. 
"Oi!" His manchester accent popped out, like it always did whenever he lost his cool "I'll have you know, this is Gucci"
You scoffed,
"That doesn't make it any better, it just means that you spent a shit load of money to look like my third grade teacher, mister Harrington!" 
"Ok, first of all," he countered, "your teacher sounds awesome and second-"
An inelegant snort escaped your mouth. Harry's emerald eyes pinned you down. 
"Second of all, you're no one to talk either, kitten hoodie" 
You could feel the heat creeping up your cheeks. Praying he couldn't see your blush in the dim light, you took a mouthful of soda to cool you down. 
For a moment, none of you said anything, the sweet notes of Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" the only thing filling the silence.
… Players only love you when they're playing
Women, they will come and they will go...
"Listen, y/n-"
"If I'm being honest-" 
He chuckled,
"I'm sorry, ladies first" 
"Now I'm not sure if I wanna tell you…"
"Come on" A grown ass man pouting should not be that cute, "I want to know"
You feigned a long suffering sigh,
"Fine, if you must know- If you must know, I actually like your new style. It's way better than that... rock and roll cliche... thing you had going on when we first met" You gestured vaguely in the direction of his body, "You know, the long hair, black clothes, doc boots…" 
He flinched, 
"Ugh, Don't remind me. I was trying too hard back then. And not only with my clothes, with my music too"
"Oh, yeah, I remember. All you used to sing about was" You chose your words carefully, "frisky girls and being horny…" 
"Well, to be fair, I still sing about being horny"
"Yeah, but now you're…"
You trailed off, unsure of how you could explain the difference, the change in your feelings towards his music, without explaining the change in your feelings towards the man that made it.
However, Harry would not let it go that easy. He was used to you being sharp, opinionated, guarded. Now there was a crack on that armour, and he wanted to see what was underneath it. 
You hadn't even realized how close you had leaned into each other until his hot breath fanned over your face.
"Now I'm what, y/n?"
More real. More mature. More emotional, as if he had finally found the link, made the connection between sex and love. 
"More open"
Harry smiled,
"Open. Yeah, I like that…"
So close. He was so close now, his malaquite eyes were out of focus. So close you could feel his magnetic field, the gravity of his atoms pulling in yours.
"Harry…" 
Never in his twenty seven years of life and over ten as a musician, had he heard a more beautiful sound than his name, breathlessly falling from your lips.
"Yes?" He murmured, lips ghosting over your soft, perfect ones.
"No"
"No?"
"No" You repeated, more firmly, taking a step back, putting as much space between the two of you as possible, "I know what this is"
"And what is this, y/n" To your surprise, he didn't sound mad, or demanding. He sounded confused and sad. Dissapointed but unsurprised, as if he had expected it to go south or… never had dared expect it would actually happen at all. 
"A bad idea" You explained, "with guys like you, is always the same: You have beautiful women throwing themselves at you every night. And you take them home with you cause why wouldn't you? You are young, and free and hot. There is nothing wrong with taking what's being offered" 
"Y/n-"
"I'm not saying it's your fault" You went on, ignoring him, "And I'm not saying you don't fall in love, sometimes. But that's the exception, not the rule, and I… I'm the kind of girl that's the rule. Not the exception"
Harry had always thought the worst that could happen to him was losing your friendship. Finally making a move, a real move, and getting rejected by you. He thought that was the definitive pain, the one that would obliterate him, if things were not to work out. And he was almost certain they would not work out. 
But sitting there, in front of you, separated by a wooden bar that might as well have been the great wall of china as you stood there, arms around yourself, small and defenseless as you explained to him all the reasons why you wouldn't allow yourself to love him… that was way worse. 
"What if you already were my exception?" He blurted out, before he could stop himself, "What if I was in love with you?"
You laughed, bitterly.
"Harry, I'm not even your type. I've seen you leave night after night with models and socialites and actors, each one more surreally stunning than the last one…" You didn't have a bad self esteem, you didn't. You considered yourself attractive, but the people Harry usually went for were on a whole different level.
"Yes, but that's only because the most absolutely perfect woman in the world for me, keeps me at arm's length!" He rubbed his face in frustration, "And it's so maddening, so fucked up, the way I can't even get away from her long enough to get over her, because even the pain of seeing her every night knowing I can't touch what I see, that I will never have her, is better than the pain of being away from her. 
So I keep on taking home the hottest people I can find hoping they will keep me distracted long enough to fill the hours until I can see her again… until I can-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Never, in all the time you had known each other, had Harry given you a single signal indicating he had any kind of feelings for you. Your relationship had always consisted of friendly banter and quip battles. Sure, you could get flirty sometimes, but you were a bartender, flirting was pretty much your customer service voice, and he was a musician, he would flirt with his own shadow if he could.
Harry opened his mouth to explain, but a familiar melody started coming from the still working speakers.
Walk in your rainbow paradise
Strawberry lipstick state of mind…
"Hey, this is my song!" You didn't quite understand why he seemed so marveled, "You never added any of my songs to your playlist before!"
Oh. Oh.
"Yeah, well" Harry could now clearly see your darkened cheeks as you stumbled over your words, "I guessed I never liked one of your songs so much before" 
This time, he was the one blushing and avoiding your eyes.
"What would you say if I told you-... If I told you I wrote this one for you?"
"I'd say you're full of shit" You scoffed, "Didn't you tell me you only ever wrote about girls you had dated?"
"No," he corrected, "I said I only ever wrote about women that had broken my heart…"
"How did I break your heart?"
Harry sighed. Your walls were back up, higher than ever, and he didn't know how to break through them. It wasn't your fault -and had it been your fault, truth was he could never blame you either, there was something about you that made it physically impossible for him to get mad at you- you spoke from experience, he didn't need to unlock the secrets of your past, didn't need the details. It was obvious you had been burned before, and though he hated it, hated them for whatever they had done to you, he couldn't fault you for trying to protect yourself.
Not when he wanted to protect you too. 
"You didn't like me, back when we first met"
"Harry-"
"No, it's ok. You didn't like me, and you were right not to like me. I know you probably didn't realize it but, that first time you rejected me, when I flirted with you that very first night and you rolled your eyes at me… you changed my life"
"What? How??"
"You weren't wrong, I was a cliche. And I was trying way too hard, to be cool, act like a rockstar… but you took a look at that guy, at that though, playboy, sex, drugs and rock 'n roll guy… and you hated him" Harry snickered. You didn't understand what about all that was so funny, "I had created that guy so that everyone would like him, and you hated him. And the funny thing is-" He finally met your eye. No, he caught your eye and imprisoned them, "The funny thing is, you hating me for what I wasn't, somehow allowed me to start being myself a little bit more, because if you already disliked me… then I had nothing to lose" 
You didn't quite know what to say to that.
His bright green eyes were unable to face yours, choosing instead to focus on the palms he was picking at,
"Is that why you… uhm…" You pointed at his sweater.
"Yup" He admitted, "I showed up here one day, on laundry day, in one of my old nerdy sweater vests and you smiled, when you saw it"
"I remember that!" You chuckled, "It was the brown striped one, it almost looked like a crop top, cause it obviously didn't fit anymore"
Harry nodded,
"I may have had a couple grow spurts since I got that in high school" 
"Ok, but, you made it work somehow…" 
"Thank you. The point is…" he turned serious again, his deep, rich voice even more hypnotic than usual. Or maybe it was just you, for the first time allowing yourself to enjoy it without reservations. "The point is, you didn't like cool Harry, but you liked the real me. Even if just a little bit, and that meant the world to me. I… I adored you because of it. So I wrote a song for you, cause even if I couldn't say it to your face, I had to get it out. Just like I had to get this out tonight"
He opened his arms wide, in his typical ta-da gesture, sad, resigned smile on his face, before getting up from his stool, grabbing his jacket and guitar case.
"You don't have to say anything, I don't expect you to love me back" He declared, "I just- I thought I'd let you know. Valentine's day and all that."
He turned to leave, his own voice still signing in the background,
I'd walk through fire for you, just let me adore you
 Oh, honey…
"Harry, wait!" You almost fell on your face, trying to jump over the bar, but managing to stop him right before he reached the door. His poorly concealed smirk told you he might have seen your little show, but you didn't care.
"Did you mean it? That you'd do anything for me?" 
"I did" He confirmed, earnestly, "I still do. Anything you want, just say the word"
"Well then," you took a step towards him, that he mirrored without even noticing, "what about a date? A daytime date. At a public place." You clarified. Harry did smirk at that.
"What's the matter, afraid you won't be able to keep your hands off me?" He teased, leaning closer. 
"Don't ruin this, Styles" You warned, raising to your tiptoes to meet him eye to eye.
His smile faltered, replaced by the most sincere intensity you had ever seen on his handsome face,
"Wouldn't dream of it, bartender" He whispered, before capturing your lips with his.
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nightswithkookmin · 3 years
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RE: JUNGKOOK CHANGED IN RUN
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Anon:
Why did Jungkook not want to be on Jimin's team in the last run episode? He has changed a lot from before. Thoughts.
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My first thought is, you don't gotta interpret everything in a negative light.
Not every strong reaction is a bad reaction.
I'd be a phony ass fraud if I sat here and told you with my two thumbs that I didn't raise a brow at that moment. I did.
Especially when you contrast that episode with run 112 which falls on all fours with this current situation- ok may not all fours.
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But in that video, like many others, RM had suggested they form teams based on the sunglasses they wore, just as he had suggested they form teams based on the seating arrangements.
Of course he'd meant it as a Joke just as we discussed in a previous blog post. Personally, I expected they make a draw, rock papers or even dance in circles like they did in the other episode to decide who got who in the competition.
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But it seems in all the times he's been paired with JM he's been supper thrilled about it. He even warned the members not to underestimate him and JM when they'd unanimously concluded they were the disadvantaged team in the game- Jin not even bothering to ask them what their scores were on Korean.
He reset the timer to 10 seconds when Jk pointed out he wasn't good at reading fast
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When the time stopped and they were asked to make a team of four, he turned to find JM almost immediately as if to make sure JM was part of the four, he held on to his arm to prevent RM from breaking the link.
He was supposed to pair with Yoongi and Jimin with Tae but he didn't even try to find Suga. At least V did try to find Jimin. He moved towards JM and when he realized JK was hugging him he went for Suga.
Throughout the episode he was giving JM tips on how to cheat and shot when he wasn't sure of the answers.
Yet in the last run, he didn't seem as enthusiastic about being paired with JM- or so, he'd have us believe. Smirk.
He ain't slick. Lol.
To me he seemed, on the surface of it, either really salty about the others having Jin or RM on their teams or upon reflection, just plain ass overcompensating for something.
I'd go with the later.
It's similar to how, Jimin got the Sauna card and he'd complained about not liking the Sauna but then swapped cards with Tae so he could be on JM's team.
Or how he'd make a theatrical show of wanting to win a competition but smirk satisfactorily to himself when he loses.
I really don't think it's a big deal.
Personally, I love watching them paired up and doing such activities. It's a great way to see how they work together as partners and as a team.
It's also a great way for them to spend time with eachother, enjoy eachother, nurture their bond and strengthen their relationship.
Fanservice or not, scripted or not, you cannot deny that spending time together doing activities together is good for building a relationship.
They spend a considerable about of time together off cameras but a lot of their time is spent on cameras and at work.
They gotta find a way to make their relationship work on the work as I keep saying. All that 'fanservice' people say they are doing? That's them making it work. They gotta find a way to go on dates, feed eachother, hold each other's hands, tell Jokes, laugh at eachother's jokes, express their attraction for each other, flirt, share eachother's interests and do things couples do without inviting public scrutiny to their every interaction and invasion of their privacy.
So where they see an opportunity they go for it. For JK it's the the little decisions he makes on their behalf like choosing where they will sleep, what activities they can do together, wanting the bigger room, making sure JM wins the presidential suite, or choosing a room detached from the other rooms.
He invests in his relationship the best way he can. Same goes for Jimin.
I keep saying this whole fanservice culture is a win win situation for them- for even any queer idol couple in the same band.
What seem like a challenge could technically be an opportunity for a date for them without dispatch breathing down their necks.
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A typical example would be this. Jimin said he wanted to go get Yoga with the others but ended up going with YoonKook on their brewery excursion.
The more time they spend together, on and off cameras the more closer they get and the more they get to know eachother on a deeper level.
But you have to bare in mind, they need their personal spaces too in order for their relationship to function properly.
Jimin used can be very needy in his relationship but for the most part he enjoys his independence too.
Jk has always had a strong sense of independence but he can equally be quote needy and over attached once he is in a relationship- especially when things are going great for him.
Spending time apart, persuing personal goals and interest is good for them.
If it helps, think of moments when they hang around eachother as Jikook dates and when they hang quietly in the background of videos do think of those as them having their me times at work...
Would they miss an opportunity to 'date' or hang privately with eachother? I don't think so.
It's in their dicks interests and the interest of whole production team and crew to allow them to be around eachother as often and as much as they want and can.
I for one, I'm not prepared to sit through yet another excruciating episode of Jungkook wanting Jimin- physically and emotionally. I'm still dealing with the PTSD from the last BonV four episodes.
Y'all buy me Ko-fi please. I don't intend to sit through that shit sober.
If Jk is pushing to be on JM's team and what not it's mostly because he feels he needs to spend more time with him. If he's not pushing for that it just means he or they are both allowing for space and room in their relationship for eachother to pursue other activities and interests or even connect with other members- unless of course they are having relationship problems which I don't think is the case.
Jimin is particularly good at this.
He goes out of his way to nurture his relationship with the others even on set.
He does this especially with Tae.
He'd take Tae to go see places he and JK had already been to, he'd request to take pirate rides with Tae- even though JK is available and won't hesitate to let him know, he often make plans involving Tae or even the others- in Soop when Tae asked him to go ride around the town with him he chose to stay and manspread on Jin and Yoongi. *I'm cackling. Lmho.
Jimin is a funny guy.
Now does this mean he doesn't like spending time with Tae or that he's changed? Hell no.
Hell, Tae does the same thing from time to time too. I mean when he found out he had picked a Sauna card he asked to swap it knowing very well Jimin had picked that card too. Soulmates coulda soulmated that shit in hot piles of steamy.
Sure JK lurks around sometimes. He is the resident intruder stepping on Jimin's other ships' neck. Love him for this. Lol.
Perfect Disney villian.
Tae had to drag his ass away from the kitchen for intruding when he and JM were cooking in the Kitchen. Let's not talk about him physically removing him from JM's car or all the times he's complained about JK raining on his Vmin agenda.
When V wanted to be on a team with JM this man literally sabotaged him, hugging Jimin first. It's his laughter afterwards for me. Lmho.
V needs to insure his Jimin cos at this point it's trademark infringement. Hashtag soulmates. Lololol.
Jk needs to go ahead and free Vmin.
But JM does this too, in much more subtle ways- I'll never forget the look he had on his face when he had to get off the bus and walk home as punishment. It was the most heart breaking thing I ever seen.
Then he had to hang off Hobi to get JK to leave his friends and come to him.
It's why I used an ellipsis the last time I talked about Jimin being very mature now. Old Jimin would have, clapped back, made JK pay for that outburst if he genuinely thought JK meant what he said or believed JK really wanted to be on a team with someone else.
Y'all don't see him when JK compliments other people? He stays kicking his feet under the table🤣🤣🤣🤣
I used to pinch a gurl I liked when other gals talked to her when I was little- In my defense, I didn't even know I liked her or that it was straight up abuse💀
Jimin can be pretty scary and petty when he's mad or offended.
If it helps you sleep at might, think of this moment as just another one of those 'we've been a unit for so long do you wanna be with someone else now' scene from February last year.
Jk answered yes when JM asked him that. But do you really think he meant it?
Jikook is complex, not complicated.
They love eachother.
We can't be looking at their interactions as either or. Grey areas exist and it's not a negative thing.
Signed,
GOLDY
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rhyrhy462 · 4 years
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Sleepover (G.D.)
Pairing: grayson dolan x best friend!reader
Warnings: bad writing, pining, one swear word, semi-sappines, self-indulgent because of the big mouth thing and the snacks
gif by @pinof
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Everyone knew that Grayson Dolan went to bed early. It never failed that he was turning his phone off and putting it on his nightstand at midnight.
His best friend, Y/N, was a night owl. She went to bed at 3 in the morning most of the time.
Grayson and Y/N tried to squeeze in sleepovers whenever they could. These usually happened on Friday nights and consisted of, in no particular order, eating dinner, watching a movie, begging Grayson to take you to a grocery store to buy snacks, listening to music, begging Grayson to get you ice cream, and sleeping.
So just like all the other Friday nights, Y/N knocked on Grayson and Ethan’s door at exactly 6:53pm. She knows it’s a very specific time, but Grayson always has dinner ready by 7:05. So if she gets there at the perfect time, dinner will be ready and Grayson can’t yell at her for getting there too early when she complains about being hungry.
“It’s open, Y/N” Grayson yelled through the door, right as she was turning the knob and pushing the door in.
“I don’t even get a hello? I brought you homemade almond butter and everything!” If there was one thing Grayson loved in this world, it was Y/N’s homemade almond butter. He knew she just got the recipe online, but every time he tried to make it, it just didn’t turn out the right way.
“I’m sorry babe. Come give me a hug” Y/N felt her heart flutter when he called her ‘babe.’ Yeah, they called each other pet names all the time, but he said it so casually, almost as if she was his girl-
“Come gimme a hug.” Grayson pressed again, just as she started walking towards him.
She wrapped her arms around him, just as he wrapped one arm around her, still pushing around vegetables in a pan. “I missed you.”
Y/N and Grayson hadn’t had a sleepover in about a month and a half. They had both been busy. Whenever they did get to see each other, it’d be for an hour or so, but they never got to have fun with each other. “Missed you more.” Grayson replied, right as he was dumping the vegan stir-fry onto their plates.
“Looks good.” She said, as she started putting dishes in the dishwasher. If Y/N hated anything, it was having to do the dishes after she’s gotten comfortable. Lucky for her, Grayson had listened to her and started putting dishes in the dishwasher as he went along instead of having 30 dishes in the sink. She put the five dishes that had been left in the dishwasher, picked up her plate, and looked at Grayson questioningly. She was silently asking him if he was ready to go eat in his room.
“Let’s go.” Was all Grayson had to say to have her following him to his room.
Once they made it to Grayson’s room, Y/N plopped down onto his bed as he picked up the remote from his desk and tossed it to her. Every sleepover they alternated who got to choose what they watched. This time, it was Y/N’s turn. She turned his tv on and went straight to Netflix. Grayson had a feeling he knew what she was gonna pick. She threatened him with it all the time, but she did actually want to rewatch the show.
Grayson groaned as soon as he saw that she was hovering on Big Mouth. “What’s wrong with Big Mouth?” She genuinely wanted to know his answer.
“You’ve seen it at least ten times and you quote the whole show.” Grayson complained. He wasn’t wrong though. Y/N knew Big Mouth like the back of her hand. The reason why she watched it so many times was so she could directly quote the show. She already knew most of the iconic lines, but there were some she was still trying to learn.
“It’s my night to choose, babes. I hate to break it to ya, but I choose Big Mouth.” She said, just as she clicked on Season 1, Episode 2 ‘Everybody Bleeds.’ It was one of her favorite episodes because it was funny, but also because she knew the quotes. It was also the first episode Ladybug appeared in. If Y/N was honest, Ladybug was probably her favorite character. Ladybug was also the only character that she could completely quote.
With food in hand, she got as close to Grayson as humanly possible, just as he was draping a blanket over both of their legs. They ate while they exchanged jokes and talked about how’d they’d been, all while Y/N still managed to quote the best lines from Big Mouth.
They had finished eating a while ago. Now it was 9pm and Y/N wanted snacks. From their cuddled up position, she looked up at him, to see him looking at the screen. She smiled to herself because as much as he hated to admit it, Grayson thought Big Mouth was hilarious. “Gray?” She questioned, because yes, they had had dinner two hours ago, but she was ready for snacks.
He didn’t even have to look at her to know what she wanted. The first thing he did was look at his watch to confirm what time it was. It never failed. Around 9 o’clock, Y/N always wanted snacks. So he untangled himself from her and sat up, rubbing a hand over his face. His eyes darting around the room trying to find something that Y/N is completely unaware of. “Grayson? What are you looking for? Where are you going?” She asked, rubbing her eyes.
“I’m looking for two hoodies. You want to go get snacks don’t you?” Grayson said, realizing that none of his hoodies were anywhere in his room and he’d have to go into his closet.
“You know me so well.” She said, grinning when Grayson came out of his closet, two hoodies in hand, and tossed one to her.
Right after she slipped it on, on top of her shirt, Grayson was asking her, “Ready?”
He didn’t even wait for her response, just started walking towards his bedroom door, to which she followed right behind him, all the way to the Porsche. After they got in the car, he turned to look at her and asked, “Where we goin’?”
“Target.” She responded, as he started backing out of the driveway. Y/N always, always, let Grayson choose the music. Grayson always said the driver got to choose the music, but she never put up a fight with anything he chose. Which is why when Grayson asked her to shuffle his Young Thug playlist, she did it. No questions asked, bobbing her head to the music, even rapping some of it, on their way to Target.
When they got there, Grayson parked in the closest parking space he could find. There were a few cars in the parking lot, but not too many. Even if Grayson hadn’t seen Y/N in a while, he always kept three masks in his car. One for himself, one for Ethan, and one for Y/N. They both put their masks on and started walking toward the entrance.
When they got inside, Y/N was grabbing Grayson’s hand and dragging him all the way to the snacks section. The first thing she grabbed was pretzels, one of her all time favorite snacks, but sometimes she forgets how much she likes them. She went on a search to find Nutella, which in the process, Grayson made a smart comment about it not being vegan. Then she grabbed two bags of Doritos, cool ranch and nacho cheese.
Immediately after she grabbed the Doritos, she thought about ice cream. Grayson was on this stupid health kick getting ready for this match with Logan, that doesn’t even have a date. Because of that, it had become 200 times harder to convince Grayson to get ice cream. He knew that if he was around Y/N when she was eating ice cream, he’d cave. Which is why right now, when he saw that look in Y/N’s eyes, he knew exactly what she wanted.
He didn’t even let her get it out, “No.”
“But I didn’t even-“
“Absolutely not. I’m trying to eat healthy.”
“You don’t have to have any. Just let me get some.” She pleaded.
“Y/N, no. Are you done?”
“Grayson, please?” She begged, giving him that look that she knew would make him say yes.
“Fuckin’ fine. Let’s go” Grayson said, giving in.
So they walked to the ice cream section. Y/N already knew what she was going to get. She picked up two jars of Talenti. She made sure to choose vegan flavors, so she chose Alphonso Mango and Roman Raspberry. Grayson groaned when he realized she chose vegan ice cream. “You want me to have some that bad?”
She just nodded and told him, “I’m ready to check out.”
They walked to self-checkout and put everything down. Grayson always let Y/N scan because it was one of her favorite things to do. She didn’t know why, it just made her happy. When she had scanned everything, she went to pull out her card. “Uh-uh.” This was a conversation they had all the time. Y/N could afford to buy her own snacks, but Grayson just wouldn’t allow it.
“Grayson, at most it’s 25 dollars. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“I invited you over, so I should pay for it.”
“I asked for snacks, so I should pay for it.”
“Let me pay for it this time and then you can pay me back later.” Grayson only suggested that because he knew she never carried cash and he didn’t have cash app.
“Fine, but I get to buy them next time.”
“Ok, fine.” Grayson just shrugged his shoulders.
“Promise.” Y/N said, holding out her pinky.
“I promise.” Grayson said, as he linked their pinkies together rolling his eyes.
The ride back to Grayson’s house was smooth, but it felt long. So long, that Y/N tilted her head back and closed her eyes for what felt like 2 minutes. It actually ended up being a little under 30 because when she was opening her eyes, they were pulling into his driveway.
Grayson didn’t say anything about her falling asleep. Every chance he got, he’d glance over at the sleeping girl beside him. Right now, though, he was running over to open the car door for her and help her out. Every time she fell asleep in the car she was always disoriented for a few minutes after.
When they got back to his bedroom, spoons in hand because they stopped at the kitchen to get napkins and spoons, Grayson dropped the bag in the middle of the bed while Y/N crawled right back in his bed. As Grayson was climbing into bed, Y/N realized that it was a little after 11pm. She knew once Grayson had some ice cream, he’d be out like a light and she’d be up all alone, but she just wanted to live in the moment. Turning Big Mouth back on, they snuggled, both holding ice cream and a blanket thrown over them because Grayson knew Y/N got cold when she ate ice cream, but refused to admit it.
It was closing in on 12am and she saw Grayson trying to keep his eyes open and converse with her about any and everything. “Go to sleep, babe. I can stay up on my own.” She murmured to him as she went to reach for the remote to turn the tv off, so Grayson could sleep well.
Grayson grabbed the remote before she could and sat up a little bit straighter, “Don’t be silly. I want to stay up with you.”
“Babyyyy.” She said, absolutely oblivious to the fact that he was in love with her and would stay up all night with her if it meant getting to hang out with her.
“I love you, Y/N.” And he meant it with everything he had.
“I love you more, bub.” She responded, as Grayson pulled her even further into his chest.
tagging: @blindedbythelightt​ @333dolans​ @foxglovedolan​
A/N: hi! if you read it, thank you!! this had no business being 2k words, but it’s my longest fic thus far. if you have feedback let me know. if you wanna be tagged, which idk why you would, but if you do lmk. this literally took like 3 hours to write becuase writers block 😭😭😭😭 anyway, this is so self-indulgent i- anyway, love you sm. peace ✌️
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Text
Day 23: Picnic
Read it on AO3 or read my whole Harringrove April Collection!
Jim Hopper never really expected to make it back to Hawkins from fucking Russia of all places, so he definitely didn’t expect to make it back and pretty much immediately end up with a second kid. It was just that Billy Hargrove had sacrificed himself to save El, and had somehow survived it, and Joyce was still a little mad at Hopper for not doing more about Billy’s shitty dad, and she had given him that look when it turned out that Billy didn’t appear to have anywhere to go once he got out of the hospital. 
Well, he had one place to go, but Hopper figured moving into Steve Harrington’s apartment could wait until they were both out of their teens. He told everyone who would listen that it was because while Steve and Billy were both technically adults, they were also dumbasses, especially when they were together. He said, loudly and often, that he simply didn’t trust those two boneheads not to burn down Steve’s entire apartment complex, if left to their own devices. 
What he said much more quietly, and only ever to Joyce, was that he remembered what it was like to be a kid with a shitty dad, and to cling to something simply because it was better than what he was used to. Billy might still end up with Steve—probably would, if the starry-eyed way they looked at each other was any indication—but Hopper wanted him to get there because he chose it, and not just because he needed a place to go. 
Billy, for his part, insisted loudly and constantly that he would much prefer to live in an apartment of his own, out from under Hopper’s tyrannical thumb—and yes, that was a direct quote—but he somehow never actually found one that he liked. No one ever called him on it.   
What Hopper hadn’t counted on, when he insisted that Billy move into the fancy house that he had bullied the government into buying for him and Joyce and the kids, was Billy and Steve’s commitment to fucking, just, all the goddamn time. Hopper had missed most of Billy’s recovery while he was in a Russian prison, but he found out later—from Joyce and Nancy and Jonathan and Robin and even some of the kids—that they had been caught at least half-naked by just about everyone before Billy was even released from the hospital. He wished, far too late, that he had chosen a house with fewer windows. There were far too many points of entry for him to manage effectively. 
“You know Steve thinks he’s stealthy?” he said to Joyce incredulously one night after he caught Steve—wearing what was obviously one of Billy’s shirts and the smallest pair of shorts Hopper had ever seen—sneaking out of Billy’s bedroom window. Billy’s second-floor bedroom window. “He’s going to kill himself falling off the damn house.”
“You didn’t catch him until he was already leaving, Hop,” Joyce pointed out, “so he’s not exactly wrong.” Jim wondered when Joyce had turned on him too. He considered nailing the windows shut, but he was pretty sure El would kill him with her mind if he tried it, so he didn’t. 
See, it turned out that “my house, my rules” only went so far with a kid who was technically an adult, and who had also sacrificed himself to save your other kid, so Billy got away with a lot. He got away with even more because both El and Will—and Max, who spent far more than half of her time at their house—were fully supportive of Billy and Steve’s ongoing shenanigans, and did their best to run interference with Hopper. 
Apparently, one of the things Hopper had missed during Billy’s long recovery was the day some under-informed nurse let Billy’s dad in to see him. Everyone agreed that it had been a very dramatic scene, but they weren’t very forthcoming about the details. Only Max and Lucas and Robin had been there to witness it firsthand, but the kids all still talked about it in hushed whispers. The only way they ever described it to Hopper was to say that Steve had gone “just completely feral, Hop.” Neil had never bothered to come back, so whatever it was that Steve had done that the kids didn’t want Hopper to know about had been pretty effective. Max’s grudging affection for Steve had given way to complete adoration on that day, and El’s affection for Billy was well-established, so she had been right there with Max. Hopper hadn’t asked why Will was so supportive of the two of them, but he could guess.
So Billy lived with Joyce and Hopper and Will and El, and Hopper did his very best to maintain at least some semblance of propriety, and every kid in the house did their very best to defy him at every turn. It was exhausting. Which was why he was so goddamn irritated when he heard the low sound of voices in the middle of a walk through the woods behind the house that was supposed to be an opportunity for him to get some damn solitude for once. They were voices he recognized, unfortunately. He sighed heavily as soon as he got close enough to make out what they were saying. 
“Harder, baby,” Billy practically moaned. “God that feels good.” 
“Are you sure?” Steve asked a little breathlessly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Yeah—ohhhhhh…” Billy’s confirmation devolved into an actual moan, and Hopper had had enough. He marched toward the voices, bursting into a clearing with his brow furrowed and an admonition on the tip of his tongue. 
The first thing he noticed was that they had chosen a beautiful spot—they were on a soft-looking picnic blanket in the middle of a pretty little meadow dotted with wildflowers. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the surrounding trees. The remains of a picnic were spread out in front of the two boys, next to an open picnic basket. 
The second thing Hopper noticed was that he had maybe slightly misread the situation. Billy was sitting cross-legged on the blanket, tank top and cutoffs firmly in place, and Steve was kneeling behind him, also fully clothed. Billy’s head was tilted to one side, and Steve had his elbow pressed firmly into the muscle of Billy’s shoulder. Both boys were staring at him with wide eyes. They recovered at about the same time, and Hopper sighed inwardly as Steve cocked one eyebrow. Billy’s eyes sparkled with amusement as Steve spoke. 
“You’re always so tight, B,” Steve said, completely deadpan, eyes locked on Hopper’s. Billy smirked and gave that same low moan again as Steve pushed down with his elbow. 
“You get so deep, baby. Feels so good,” Billy said, and Hopper had seen some shit in his life. Had fought literal monsters. Had spent months in a Russian prison, most recently. He absolutely was not going to blush in front of these two dumbasses. He refused.
Instead, he sighed heavily, resisted the urge to murder them both, and turned around, making his way out of the clearing. Billy waited until he was almost, but not quite, out of earshot before he spoke again, and Hopper was pretty sure he did it on purpose. 
“We’re actually fucking after this, though, right baby?” he asked, and Hopper, unfortunately, also heard Steve’s response. 
“Course, B. That’s why there’s lube in the bottom of the picnic basket.”
“You think of everything, pretty boy. Best boyfriend ever.” Hopper was tempted to turn right back around to yell at them, except that Billy sounded genuinely happy. And that, Hopper would never admit to anyone but Joyce, was a thing that he thought Billy Hargrove deserved a lot more of. He did, however, pick up his pace, before he heard something—again—that would haunt him forever. 
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