#i could have done way better but i cant. figure out WHAT bugs me and if i do i dont have the strength to change this

[pandorxxx]

Another man’s treasure

Neteyam x omatikayan fem reader (all aged up)

Warnings: cursing, oral (reader receiving), p in v, multiple orgasms, neteyam having a size kink, neteyam being “Mr. Steal yo girl” kinda, creampie, marking, scenting.

Listen to Mr. Steal yo girl by Trey Songz for the best experience 😊

Synopsis: You wanted lo’ak, and it was no secret. However, you were scared to talk to him. When you went to Neteyam for help, he made it known that lo’ak wouldn’t be interested in you because of your abnormal (among navi) size. But you soon realized, that what one brother didn’t like, the other one loved…

🔞mdni🔞

“Cant you find something else to do? I don’t have time for this today.” Neteyam chuckled, pushing leaves out of his path as he went to fulfill his duties. This was becoming an everyday thing almost. You’d follow Neteyam into the forest as he did his daily chores just to bug him about the same old shit.

You had a huge crush on lo’ak, and since you and Neteyam were…somewhat friends, you decided that the only way to get in good with lo’ak was with the help of Neteyam. Although he wasn’t much help.

“Neteyam come onnnn. I’ll leave you alone if you talk to lo’ak for me.” You whined, running behind him to keep up with his long strides. You were alittle younger than both of them, but that didn’t stop you from trying. Also, you were alittle smaller than the average female Navi, so you got made fun of sometimes. But you had a “Fuck you” mentality when it came to bullies, you couldn’t care less.

“Why don’t you talk to him, huh? Why are you bugging me about it? I’ve got shit to do y/n.” He spoke calmly, making sure to hold the leaves down for you to walk through. He was such a gentlemen without even trying.

“You know him better than I do. I just figured you could help me out…TEYAM!” You shouted his name, making him halt in his tracks with an irritated sigh. He turn to you, walking alittle closer.

“Y/n please. I don’t have time to get in the middle of this shit. And plus, I personally don’t think that lo’ak would go for this.” Neteyam confessed.

“And why do you think that? I’m pretty, no?” You asked with a hint of aggression, eyebrow cocked as you awaited an answer. He chuckled, crossing his arms.

“You’re very pretty. But you know that’s not what I meant.” He shook his head. Your eyes narrowed, picking up on what he was insinuating.

“Well what DID you mean, Neteyam?” You asked, anger radiating off of your skin. He eyed your small frame up and down in curiosity.

“Fuck, don’t make me say it. It’s very obvious.” He ran his hand through his braids with a loud chuckle. You were now visibly angry, tail swaying high in defense as you clutched your bow. Although you were smaller, you were one of the best warriors here. Some would even say better than the mighty warrior himself, so he knew you meant business.

With a loud sigh, he finally fessed up. “Y/n…you’re tiny as fuck.” He nodded with a sarcastic grin.

“Neteyam, what does that have to do with anything? Huh?” You asked with heavy aggression, shifting your body weight to one hip.

“If I were lo’ak. I wouldn’t even wanna touch you. Might break your little ass.” He joked, however you didn’t find it funny whatsoever.

“Fuck you. I can take any male in this clan, you and lo’ak INCLUDED. Size means NOTHING!” You snapped, poking his chest angrily as you peered up at him. He let out a loud laugh, placing his large hands on your shoulders.

“I promise you, and I mean this in the most humble way possible. You cannot take me, y/n.” He spoke passive aggressively, his tone becoming alittle serious.

“Neteyam, check my fucking stats. I’d have you crying when I’m done.” You growled, smacking his hands off of your shoulders. It was no secret that you’d been with other males before, what girl hadn’t? Though small, you knew exactly how to please a man. And men just like Neteyam would underestimate you all the time…until they got their feel.

“Oh y/n, please. I’ve heard about you, trust me. But I’m a REAL man. Those little boys you’ve been with have NOTHING on me. You hear me? NOTHING!” He growled, jaw clenching in restraint. You laughed in his face, taking a step back to scan his body from head to toe.

“Oh, ok there big boy. Calm down. Did lil ole’ me get under the mighty warriors skin?” You mocked. Neteyam was a man of great restraint, but you were really pressing his buttons today. He let out a deep sigh, before chuckling to himself.

“Don’t make me ruin you for lo’ak.” Was all he said, in that deep tone of his. The one that meant business. The one that created a pool of your own slick in your loincloth. The one that made you shift back and forth experimentally, trying to find some sort of friction.

“A lot of open ended sentences today. Tell me what that’s supposed to mean.” You commanded, arms crossed as you took a step forward.

“You know what it means, don’t act so innocent y/n. And DONT challenge me. I’ll snap you like a twig.” He trailed off, eyeing you up and down. You laughed in his face again, at his sudden sexual advances. It was always lo’ak for you, but Neteyam was just as hot, if not hotter. He was stronger, taller, sexier, and a lot more mature.

“So do it. You have nothing but space and opportunity to show me. If I’m being honest, this sounds like a bunch of bs. I can’t take you seriously in this light, Neteyam. You’re always so uptight.” You teased, hoping that it would make him angry enough to take you, right here…right now. But he quickly caught on to your antics. He stepped closer, until your plump breast met his stomach. Peering down at you with a crooked grin.

“Oh, I don’t know y/n. You’re too small to ride this ride. I don’t wanna hurt you. You’re better off finding lo’ak. He’s more your speed.” He nodded.

“But the things I’d do to you…it’s unspeakable.” He whispered, running his large hand down your torso, all the way to the band of your loincloth. You bit your lip, directing your attention to the scene.

“Tell me about it, I’m all ears.” You spoke sensually, eyes meeting his once again. “Well first…I’d rip this fucking loincloth off of your hips.” He spoke, simultaneously ripping your cloth off. You gasped, finding your balance again from the unexpected force.

“Then…I’d turn you around, and bend you over.” He spoke. His tone low and full of lust as he spun you around, bending you over into a 90 degree angle. Your hands immediately finding refuge on the bark of the tree infront of you. You let out a little giggle as you turned your head to look back at him, waiting for his next move.

“Mmmhm.” he groaned, smacking your ass as he watched your arousal leak out of you like a stream. You let out a small whimper at the impact, so desperate for more.

He kneeled down behind you, coming face to face with your dripping cunt. He licked his lips before diving in. His calloused hands holding your cheeks opened as he devoured you whole.

“G-God, Neteyam!” You whimpered, digging your nails into the bark. He didn’t say anything else to you, didn’t even bother coming up for air. All you could hear was nasally gulps, and squelching sounds followed by low hums of satisfaction from him.

You could feel his tongue flicking, sucking, and gnawing on your sensitive clit before licking all the way up to your ass, giving it a small peck. And then he would go back to work on you. Your legs were starting to shake as your whines increased in volume.

“I-Im sooo close.” You spoke in exhaustion from holding yourself up. He hummed in response, wiggling his head as you used the flat of his tongue to taste you completely. This in turn, sending you over the edge. Without much warning, you released into his mouth. You tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but his strong hands held you in place as he lapped up your juices. All of your essence dripping down his jaw and neck.

“This pussy tastes like heaven, baby.” He chuckled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before standing to his full height behind you.

“I want you to stay juuust like this for me. Think you can do that?” He asked as he untied his loincloth from around his his gently. You nodded in response, feeling his tip graze past your slit on the way up to slap his stomach.

He grabbed his cock, using the tip to play with your clit. “Mmm…” You hum, leaning your cheek against the bark as you watched him with desperate eyes.

With little to no warning, just a devilish smirk, he slide into you slowly. His cock was stretching you out more than you’d ever been, yet it felt like the perfect fit once he bottomed out. You let out a series of loud whimpers once you felt his tip probing at your cervix. That was a feeling you’d never had before.

“I know, baby. I know…” he moaned, thrusting into you slowly to get you used to his size. His large hands trailed all the way up your back, giving it a light rub before finding their way to the back of your neck.

“You’re s-sooo big!” You whined, knuckles turning white from the grip you had on the bark infront of you. He didn’t know what it was about your cries that turned him on so much. Maybe it was the fact that you were a tough girl, and seeing you so helpless at the hands of him made his head spin.

And as much as he loved to make fun of how small you were, he secretly loved it. The comparison of you to him had him aroused from the start. He was a relatively big guy, very strong, and muscular from his endless training. And although you were a warrior too, you simply didn’t look like one. You were very fragile…delicate to him. And he loved that he could have his way with you.

“Mhm, keep talking.” He growled, now picking up the pace. His warm sack smacking against your sensitive clit, creating the right amount of friction. On top of the constant pounding to your sweet-spot. You couldn’t even form a complete thought at this point. The pleasure was consuming you. And at that point, you realized that you’d never had sex like this. Neteyam had proven to you why he was the better choice.

“I-I can’t even….I-I d-don’t- FUUUCK!” You rambled. So flustered that you couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. He let out a breathily chuckle, rutting into you like he’d never see you again.

“Ok! ok! ok! I-I can’t take this shit. y-you’re killing me, Teyam!” You whined, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You were on the verge of such an intense orgasm, unlike anything you’d felt before. It was becoming too much for you to handle.

“But you’re so fucking close, baby. I can feel the way you’re squeezing me, sucking me in. I thought you could take me?” He spoke in a condescending tone, the same devilish grin plastered across his face as he watched your plump ass ripple with every thrust.

“I-I can’t take you! I CANT!” You whimpered, tears blurring your vision. He slowed down for you, just alittle, but not nearly as much as you needed. You began to gnaw at the bark in desperation, just trying to find some relief from your incoming orgasm.

“And why can’t you take me? I wanna hear this shit.” He spoke in a low tone, shifting his hands to your hips for more leverage. He began to thrust into you slow and deep, nearly knocking the wind out of you with every stroke.

Oh, how he loved this. He knew why you couldn’t, he just wanted to hear you say it. Hear you tell him how strong, and how big he was. It was an ego boost for him, and to have you completely drunk off of his cock was a huge turn on.

“Mmm t-oooo big. Way t-too big!” You spoke deliriously, legs beginning to shake as that knot in your stomach started to unravel. Your walls clenched around him before releasing your essence. You let out a series of loud moans, just like music to his ears.

“Thaaats right, baby. Cum on this big dick.” He moaned, smacking your ass with his bottom lip in between his teeth. His cock began to twitch Inside of you, signaling that he was about to cum. So instead, he pulled out of you quickly with a loud groan. He held your hips in place so that you wouldn’t fall as he caught his breath.

“Fuck.” He whispered under his breath. You managed to turn around in his embrace, leaning your back against the bark of the tree lazily.

“Y-You didn’t-“ you began, before he lifted his finger to silence you. “Don’t worry about me. I just wanted to give you alittle taste. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He confessed, planting a soft kiss on your forehead.

“What if I want you to hurt me?” You spat, bringing him flush to you by his hips. He cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but mostly curiosity.

“Give me your all, Neteyam. Give me everything, please. Even if we have to go at it all fucking night. I want more than a taste.” You spoke sensually, wrapping your arms around his waist before planting a kiss on his chest.

“Fuck, don’t talk like that. Please.” He chuckled, rubbing your arms lovingly as he stared down into your desperate eyes.

“And what about lo’ak, huh? I thought you had a thing for him an hour ago.” He asked playfully, already knowing that lo’ak was the farthest thing from your mind at this point.

“I want you now. Is that a crime?” You asked, not even letting him answer the question before you stood on your tippy toes, engaging in a passionate kiss with him. His hand found the back of your head, gripping your hair to deepen the kiss. The other hand snaking around to lift you up, pinning you to the tree behind you. You immediately wrapped your legs around his waist, and your arms around his neck.

“Mmm, take this off.” He spoke between kisses, referring to your top. You backed away from him slightly, leaning all the way back on the bark. He watched you intently, as you began to untie your revealing top. It popped open with the last knot, revealing your plump breasts. And just like a man, he licked his lips as his eyes locked to your chest.

“Fuuuck me.” He groaned before attacking your nipples. Gently gnawing at them to create love bites, and running his warm tongue around your areola. He nuzzled his head in your chest with low groans of satisfaction as he scented you. Everyone would know who you belonged to from here on out.

Without warning, he lifted you up by your ass, and slammed you down on his cock. You both moaning in unison. He immediately set a merciless rhythm, impaling you over and over again roughly.

“Oh great mother, yessss!” You praised, squeezing your eyes shut as your voice rippled through the forest due to his unbearable pace.

“Mmm, keep screaming like that.” He demanded, thrusting into you harder, knocking the air out of your lungs with every stroke. There wasn’t much else you could say, you were completely silenced.

“I-I..” you stuttered, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You let your head find refuge on the bark behind you, revealing your unscathed neck to Neteyam…big mistake for such a territorial male like himself.

He bent down to your neck, taking a deep breath before flashing his fangs. He grazed your skin, sending shivers down your spine. Without anymore hesitation, he bit down on your neck gently. Still hard enough to leave a mark.

“Oh my-“ you started, your head going completely limp on the bark behind you. You could feel another orgasm building deep in your stomach.

“B-Baby, Im so close. Sooo so close!” He moaned, watching your breast bounce from his hard thrusts. He was slowly loosing it, and he couldn’t contain himself much longer. He could feel his stomach muscles tense repeatedly, which is something that’s never happened to him. Beads of sweat began to roll off of his frowned forehead. His mouth was slightly agape, low whimpers falling from his lips. And at that moment, he realized he’d never had sex like this.

“FUCK!” He growled, his hand slapping against the bark behind you as he bounced you on his cock quickly.

“Give it to me, pleaseeee!” You screamed, wrapping your arms around his neck tightly, leaning your head on his shoulder. Your body began to tremble in his arms as your toes curled. You couldn’t hold it anymore. Your peak was nearing quickly.

“Ladies first. Cum on this dick again, baby.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the lobe gently. The act alone sending you over the edge. Your eyes rolled back, jaw slack as you released on him for the second time. Loud squelching sounds filling the forest as his cream coated cock slid in and out of you. He could feel your walls contracting around him, and he just couldn’t hold it any longer. “Ohhh, shit! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He chanted, releasing his seed deep into your empty womb with a loud groan.

“Don’t be sorry, I-I wanted it. Juuust like that!” You whined, rolling your hips into his to bury his seed deeper into your tight cunt. You both took a few minutes to catch your breaths before he pulled out slowly.

“Mmmhm…” He hummed, watching his excess cum drip to the ground beneath you. For a moment, you two stared at each other in awe, completely whipped by one another.

He had his mind made up, and it seemed as though you had changed yours. Neteyam was the only man you wanted from now on….

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @terrorthewolf @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @st-cass @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @xreadersstuff @sweetllamaparadise @lia-nath @sullymenrhot @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @slay-nt @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @skxawngmia @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @blueslxt-primary @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @taylormarieee @sweethoneycn @dollyloomis @luvv4j4ybe11

[stevie-petey]

oh also,,, whenever you wanna write. chap 6 steve & robin pov blurb because i am so sure steve would be going on and on about bug once she left so my soul needs that thank you <3

im kicking myself idk why i didnt include this scene in the chapter like its PERFECT for what i have planned later but ,,, for now all i can do is make it a blurb n tell people to read it lmao

enjoy <3

"it didnt matter that you were an ass. i was still... obsessed with you." robins confession hangs in the air. her back is pressed against steves as they lay on the floor, bound together. his eye stings and his nose is numb and crusted with dried blood. he isnt sure why shes telling him this.

"even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular. accepted. normal."

the rope around steves wrists tense. he clenches his fists and bites the inside of his swollen cheek. acceptance. he thought he had that, once. when he was sixteen with a crowd of people who wouldve done anything for his attention.

now hes eighteen and the crowds bruises still tinge his body.

"if it makes you feel any better, having those things isnt all that great. seriously." it took him a long time to learn that. to recognize that his acceptance was merely a precedence. it wasnt real friendship. he wouldnt learn this until he met you, until you taught it to him. "it just baffles me. everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, its all just... bullshit."

bullshit. nancy taught him that, too.

"its all just bullshit, it was so obviously bullshit. i was an idiot for not realizing it sooner," steve bites the inside of is cheek again. somehow, his lips remained untouched when he was being beaten by the russians. your lips still linger on his. "you know, the only person who saw through my bullshit was y/n. one day, before we knew about monsters and russian lairs, she said that she knew i wasnt a bad person. it... it stuck with me. here she was, y/n henderson, telling me i wasnt so bad."

"and then...?" robin is almost too afraid to press him further. shes never seen him like this, vulnerable and open. she didnt know that his history with you went beyond just a summer fling.

steve nudges his head back and sighs. "i messed up. i... i hurt people. people she cared about."

robin frowns. you wouldnt forgive someone so easily for that. theres more to what steve is saying, she just cant figure out what. "she must really love you, then. if she forgave you."

"i dont know if she loves me, but i know that she believes in me. sees someone worth putting up with." he huffs, he cant believe he will never see you again. he hates that he will never be able to thank you for seeing a version of him that no one else could. "it wasnt until i messed up that i realized she saw something in me. its ironic, isnt it? but i guess you gotta mess up to figure things out, right?"

he had to mess up to realize that he loved you, too.

"i hope so. i feel like my whole life has been one big error." robin admits. its the least she could do, offer steve a piece of herself in return for what hes offered her.

an unattractive snort escapes steve. he laughs, and his shoulders shake against robins. he understands exactly what she means. "yup."

"god, i wonder how y/n does it."

"does what?"

robin pauses, worries that she might reveal too much. but its steve. if theyre going to die together, he deserves to know. he has to know. "shes always able to see the error in people and love them anyways."

steve is quiet. he lets what she said settle over him. its what he loves the most about you. how youve always managed to see the good in people, even in someone as cruel as billy. he hadnt known that robin noticed this kindness in you, too.

she seems to understand you in a way only he and jonathan do.

"you know, i wish id known you in clicks class." its a peace offering. an extension of himself to robin for caring about you the way he does. no one really seems to be able, despite how easy steve finds it to be.

"yeah?"

"really, i do. maybe you couldve helped me pass the class." he breathes out, the thought of all he couldve done differently will always haunt him. king steve is dead, but the persona is a ghost he will never be able to get rid of. "maybe instead of being here, id be with y/n on some romantic getaway. maybe you wouldve given me the courage to do what i shouldve done sooner."

robin doesnt say anything. she turns her face away, presses her cheek against the concrete surface.

"robin?"

she swallows. "yeah. yeah, maybe. you wouldnt have been stuck slinging ice cream with me like some smuck."

steve shakes his head. hes worried hes said the wrong thing. "hey, dont get me wrong. i enjoyed being your smuck. it was fun while it lasted."

bittersweetness creeps upon robins face. she smiles, though its a sad one. shes going to die with the understanding of why youve fallen so hard for steve harrington. "yeah. it was."

then the doors burst open and the russian find them.

[littlestpetship]

you're under arrest! (selfship fic)

yae miko offers a challenge to my s/i for extra mora. the challenge in question? to flirt with a certain boy detective from the tenryou commission... (¬_¬")

"Oh, my! What a pleasant surprise we have here!" Yae Miko commented, "You're quite early today."

"It's better to be early than late." Valerie answered, holding a box filled with numerous herbs inside.

The lady guuji had ordered them directly from Valerie's locally owned herbal store, for reasons unbeknownst to her.

Valerie placed the box down in its designated area, thanking one of the shrine maidens for the payment.

"I'll be on my way now, Lady Yae. If you need anything else, you know where to find me."

"Ah-ah-ah," Yae stopped her, "I have something you can do for me right now, actually."

Valerie tilted her head to the side, like a confused dog.

"I know you pay for the Watatsumi Army's medical expenses out of your own pocket," The kitsune remarked cheekily, "Consider this task to be some extra payment, hm?"

With the sinister tone of Guuji Yae's voice, Valerie suddenly wasn't so sure about giving her the extra help. But, she was right. Valerie was in desperate need for mora... at this rate, every mora spent from her pocket was a close shave from going completely broke.

Alas, she swallowed her fear and gave Yae an awkward smile, "Sure thing. What do you need done?"

This was her first mistake. If Valerie had known what Yae's offer was, she would've thought things through more efficiently. But... she was a girl of her word, and desperate times cause for desperate measures.

A devilish smile appeared on Guuji Yae's face, a snicker erupting from her mouth.

"As I said, it is an easy task... but are you bold enough for it?" She giggled, "Think carefully, now."

Valerie fidgeted with the rim of her coat nervously. Just what was going on in Lady Yae's head...?

"I... think so?" She responded unsurely, "What are you making me do, exactly?"

Yae's smile only grew all the more sly, and Valerie suddenly figured out where she knew that look. It was the exact smile she would give to Gorou when teasing him about his ears and tail. Oh archons, what has she gotten herself into?

"I've seen the chemistry between you and a certain detective, and I've been dying for some entertainment lately..."

This cant be good, Valerie thought. She hates that detective. He's on the opposite side of the war, yet he always sneaks into enemy territory to be "treated by the herbalist", which just so happens to be Valerie.

He was annoying, and bugged her after her shift at the herbal shop; constantly asking to go to the tea house, or grab something to eat - and she hated it.

If he didn't work for the Tenryou Commission, he might've had the slightest chance at befriending her, but even then, he was annoying! And self obsessed! And never, ever serious! She could go on and on about her hatred for him!

"You, my dear, will be my entertainment for today. He'll be here any moment now... better get ready!"

What? Any minute now? Wait... what was she about to make me do, exactly?! The thoughts flooded Valerie's mind. And whatever it was, it was no good.

She was frozen in place when she heard a all-too-familiar voice behind her. No, no, no! This can't be happening!

"Hello, Lady Yae! It's been a while since you invited me here!"

It was him. Shikanoin Heizou.

"Ah! And Valerie, too! I didn't expect you to be here as well! My my, what are the chances?"

"My word... speak of the devil, and he shall appear! We were just talking about you, weren't we, Valerie?" Yae teased, sending a wink her way.

"Oh? Is that so? What were you two talking about? My charming looks? My pretty face?" Heizou creeped closer to Valerie, causing her eyebrows to furrow in annoyance.

Great, she thought, now I have two sly foxes on my tail.

Yae Miko bent down to Valerie's ear, giving her barely a whisper. By the second, you could see Valerie's face bloom into multiple shades of red.

"Lady Yae--!" She put a hand to her mouth, looking in the opposite direction.

"Hey! What are you two whispering about? Always leaving out the little guy!" Heizou put his hands on his hips, a pout creeping onto his face.

"Oh, nothing important. Valerie? Do you have anything to say?" Yae replied, giving Valerie a teasing look.

Heizou looked her direction, tilting his head as if to show he's listening, a cheeky grin on his face.

Thinking back to what Guuji Yae had previously whispered to her, she let out a nervous sigh. This is for the extra mora, she thought. Nothing else.

"Heizou..." She looked at the ground, embarrassed.

"You're, um..." Her face got redder, looking back at him and then back down at her feet. "...You're under... arrest..."

Heizou couldn't help a chuckle from escaping his mouth, his cheeks dusting a pink color. He gave her a confused smile, "Is that right? What am I under arrest for?"

Valerie's face was beet red at this point, and she couldn't stand to look at him. Meanwhile, Yae was trying to conceal her giggles.

"Um... theft." She awkwardly replied. This was not going smoothly.

"Theft of...?" Heizou pried, giving her a very teasing look.

"...My... heart..." She finished the cheesy pickup line Yae had whispered to her, covering her flushed face with her hands.

(This is so embarrassing! This is like... public humiliation!) she thought, (and they're laughing! At me!)

Heizou was frozen, like his cocky demeanor vanished into thin air. His mouth was held open wide, in disbelief of what he just heard. Was she... flirting? With him?? Is he dreaming???

His heart felt like it was going a thousand miles per hour - That had to be the cutest pickup line he's ever heard! To see Valerie so shy and embarrassed like that, it made him feel like his heart was beating out of his chest! Thank you, Lady Yae!!!

Yae Miko was laughing her tail off, getting some odd stares from the other shrine maidens. But this was all worth it, for the extra payment, right?

Valerie's legs felt wobbly, like they could give out at any moment. And her face felt so hot, she could get a fever! Why is she so nervous?! She hates the guy! She shouldn't care about this! What was happening to her?!

Heizou crept closer to her, a sheepish smile on his face. His cheeks were a soft pink from blushing so much.

"Ah... I've been caught red-handed." He smiled wide, "I'm guilty, so now what? Surely, you won't leave a criminal unpunished?"

Valerie looked up at him, her face still red with embarrassment, but now turning more red from anger.

"You... pervert!!!"

With that, she ran off to the staircase out of the Grand Narukami Shrine. Each step she took was an angry stomp. Not only was she embarrassed, but angry at his stupid, stupid reply!

He walked after her, "Me? A pervert?! A scoundrel?! Hey, don't leave!"

And so, Yae returned back to normal from her giggling fit, watching them run off together. They'll be together one day, she was sure of it.

She looked to where Valerie had once stood, and raised her eyebrows, surprised.

"Hmm..? She didn't even take her payment..."

[keefwho]

November 22 - 2022

8:29 AM

I’m eager to find more things to DO that are unique and engaging. Like fanfic reading streams or maybe some kind of event hosting group. Anything that isn’t me doing the same things alone in my room. There isn’t much to do in real life around where I am so I’m stuck with online connections but it should be enough to me. Maybe I could find things kind of naturally if I just put myself out there more like I used to. I used to advertise everything I did somewhere so I could fit into the right spaces but for awhile I’ve been keeping to myself. A good example would be my avatar work. Basically no one knows I even do it aside from friends and some shygal enthusiasts. 

I guess I already have some things to do, like work on my VR world or learn how to play guitar. If I do the VR world right, it should be a very social experience. Maybe I could get more people then I think to want a statue in the world. Maybe it could actually become a place people wanna hang out or put their art. It would be neat to maintain a world like that. 

The guitar thing would probably be a solo activity but very interesting to learn. I’d like to be able to play the songs I like just for fun. 

10:20 AM

Tummy is still fucky and it’s actually a little weird but no cause for alarm yet. My main concern is getting work done because I’d much rather let my body relax and heal. I am still a day ahead so I could do it but then I wouldn’t be a day ahead anymore. I figure I’ll try my best to get things done. It shouldn’t be too bad today. And hopefully I’ll feel better in a bit anyways. 

Unlike in the past, I try to deal with it and get cozy until it’s over instead of worrying about it getting worse and desperately trying to feel better. I accept I kinda feel like shit right now because I know it’ll go away and I’ll feel better eventually. Its a good excuse to shake myself of unneeded obligations and really cozy up. 

12:35 PM

I hate to do it but I’m taking a break today. I just physically need the rest. I don’t know why my tummy is acting like this right now but it’s annoying. Maybe I should start tracking these events so if I end up seeing a specialist, I’ll have something to give them. Might also help for my own knowledge too. 

1:13 PM

This fucking sucks. I cant even consider much happening to even be “abnormal”, Its just making me feel BAD. I want it to stop. Maybe I ate something off??? But what could it have been? Everything I’ve eaten has a very very low chance of being spoiled. Its also been gentle foods. Why the fuck is my body reacting like this? I guess it could be the cheese I ate but I never expect it to get THIS bad. 

11:41 PM

My stomach started feeling better around 5pm. I even felt genuinely hungry which is uncommon. I mean wholesome, tummy rumbling hungry. I ate a can of beanie weenies and some french fries. The beans were weird to me, they were way more bland than I remember which was kind of weirding me out. But is exactly the kind of thing I need to stop. I’ve made the conscious effort to not overthink this. The can was fine, the smell and texture were fine. My taste buds were probably just thrown off by the salty fries, especially considering the first bite didn’t taste weird to me. I guess I’m still overthinking it but the goal is to accept the truth and move on. I don’t want to stress over dumb shit like this. 

12:44 AM

Minor traumatic memory time. I remember age 5 when I was in a North Carolina courthouse while my parents were fighting for custody over me. I remember being largely alone for it, I was sitting outside the room they were doing it in. I remember it was high up and I would look out the window. My memory paints it as much higher than it probably was. I remember it like a skyscraper but realistically it might have been a 3rd or 4th floor. I remember looking at the brick ledge outside the window wishing I could be a bug out there, seemingly unreachable by anything else. Who would bother an insect tucked away in some bricks on the side of a wall so high up?

I remember wanting to be put with my dad which wouldn’t have been a good thing but I didn’t know that because I was a kid. I felt so helpless because I was told by him that all I had to do was go into the room and say I wanted to be with him but I was far too afraid. I know now it probably wouldn’t have done much considering the horrible case my father had, but my child mind made me think I was failing him and myself. I feel such sorrow at this memory and wonder how it might have shaped me as a person. I think when memories have such an important nostalgic feeling, it must mean they played a very big part in my mental development. I figure that the reason they still feel so strongly is because I still feel that way today about a lot of things. I still feel like I fail myself and others because of my fear of doing things that need to be done. I also feel like it won’t matter in the end since everything is outside of my control so why should I try anyways? 

Logically I know what’s in my control and what I should be doing to improve myself so there’s no real problem here. Just me talking to myself really. I just had this memory again and wanted to break it down a little. 

I still wish I could be that bug sometimes. Maybe with a friend there though. A couple little bugs high up someplace where no one will bother them. 

[randomwriteronline]

(I Missed You)

(WARNING for a long paragraph featuring depersonalization, derealization and mentions of medication. Begins a little after Ingo was home again. Medication mentions continue until the end.)

The desk across from him was dusty.

Emmet blinked slowly, grabbing the covers idly between his fingers. His eyes wandered about: Excadrill was curled up on her side, Chandelure sat on the pillow with her beady eyes closed; Crustle had discarded his own house on the floor in an unexpected display of vulnerability in favor of hiding under Durant’s steel exoskeleton as if she were a weighted blanket. Galvantula cradled Archeops in her front legs, mandibles nibbling ever so slightly at his feathers, while Eelektross had his tail wrapped around Klingklang’s core, pulling it down to hover closer to the bed; too big to lay on it without either taking up all of its space or breaking its frame, Haxorus and Garbodor sat at its ends, heads leaning on it no matter how awkward the angle might have been, their own vast bodies acting as mattresses for Gurdurr and Boldore respectively.

Well.

This was a brand new low.

Sleeping in Ingo’s bed.

He had managed to avoid doing something that pathetic until now. Even made it through the first year - arguably the worst one - without ending up like this.

The vivid dreams, the ones where he hugged a living man and the ones where he hugged a body bag, where he sank to the bottom of a bog with it and where a Zoroark lured him in its den through his own blind despair - those had happened. He could not control that.

(This had been such a long and pleasant one.)

What had brought him to scrape so hard at the bottom of the barrel, anyways? Emmet struggled to remember the date, but still he was certain it was not around the time of the anniversary of his brother’s disappearance. He drew a blank on whatever he might have seen or listened to that could have reminded him of his twin being there - a song, a movie, a piece of art of sorts… Maybe his coat. Yes, it had to be his coat, he could feel it under his fingertips, under his arm.

God, even worse than he thought.

Taking his brother’s coat and curling up in his bed, like a distraught Lillipup desperately trying to sorround itself with the scent of its trainer.

He raised himself to sit up; a handful of Joltiks clinged harder to his shirt.

He hadn’t even changed himself.

What a fucking joke.

Emmet removed the ‘tiks slowly, gently, one by one, sitting them next to their much larger, evolved sister.

(They had had two Joltiks, both little ladies; in Opelucid, another kid had traded a Spinarak for Emmet’s, and Ingo had gifted his brother his own electric bug. Haxorus had belonged to both of them when he was still an Axew, and so had Garbodor when she was still a Trubbish, but Ingo was the one more involved in their training, so without Joltik Emmet would have remained one Pokémon short - which was unacceptable. When they evolved into Ariados and Galvantula they began a courting of sorts; Emmet followed their relationship as intently as an old lady follows a soap opera, and kept every batch of eggs. His brother had noted they were lucky Emmet had only evolved one of those that hatched, or they might have been drowning in Galvantulas instead.)

(Which would have been much less manageable.)

Now he stared at the dusty pavement where a square block of rock laid, its inhabitant busy sleeping on clean covers.

Both their teams were there. The poor things must have confused him for Ingo. Not that he blamed them, far from it - they were more than allowed to grieve, to have their judgement clouded enough to believe such a poor illusion. He hoped they were having good dreams. Hopefully that would have sweetened the disappointment and heartbreak when they woke up.

His legs shook a little when he stood (at least he’d had the decency of taking his shoes off) and began wobbling his way to his own room.

He vaguely remembered crying so much he had no tears left. His body must have been trying to find an alternative outlet that wasn’t screaming by making him near incapable of moving his feet.

It was 3 in the morning, the alarm let him know with its dull glowing digits.

He thanked it by staring at it for a little longer.

Two hours and a half.

What was he to do for two hours and a half before opening time?

Going back to sleep would have been impossible. He had tried before and it did not work.

He could have just gotten properly dressed and sneaked into the station to do some early work, which on the other hand always worked, at the expense of his breakfast and lunch being forgotten and the blinds remaining closed for the whole day. See if the coffee machine was full, if maintenance had been properly scheduled. Check the lights, the trains, the routes, the timetable and shifts.

Make sure depot agent Jackie had not managed to once again get locked inside on purpose to sleep in the main room for the sake of validating the weird shit they liked to tell challengers about having never been out of the station even just once in his entire life - although that had stopped happening now that the substitute had made it clear through horrendous promises and examples of grievous bodily harm that she was very willing to physically remove him from the premises with a literal kick up his ass.

Emmet pawed at the nightstand to find his Xtransceiver; then, remembering he had not changed into his pijamas, he checked his wrist. The smooth plastic and glass had his fingers sliding over it.

He didn’t even need to look. He found the contact and called.

One ring.

One whistle.

Two rings.

Two whistles.

Three rings.

Three whistles.

Emmet covered the device, brows furrowed, to muffle the sound.

Four whistles.

Pause.

Five whistles.

Pause.

Six whistles.

Like a very insistent steam locomotive.

He turned around, quickly, walked like a fury back in the empty dusty room.

Ingo laid curled on his side under clean blankets, snoring softly, arms reaching out ever so slightly. He looked so tired, with his tattered coat strewn on top of him to keep him warmer somehow, with his Pokémon curling around him so protectively. Close to his legs the sheets were ruffled and pressed where the younger twin had been just a few moments before.

Emmet gazed at his older brother sleeping for what felt like an eternity.

Then the Xtransceiver gave a twelfth ring, and he hurried to close the call before it would wake up any of the resting bodies.

Was he still asleep? Dreaming? His eyes fell back onto the man in his twin’s bed. His hand shook a little as he approached him, fingers bent, arm completely paralysed halfway to the other’s shoulder.

Was this really his brother? So all of that - Elesa telling him the news, Burgh filling him in, learning about the amnesia from Cheren, making all those calls, the nerve-wracking wait, seeing him again, holding him, crying, crying, crying - all of that had been real, and not just an elaborate fantasy? His palm hovered above the body without even grazing it, a horrid thought sliding in his ears to clog his throat and tie it in a knot: would he have woken up, if he touched his brother? Would he have been thrown back into reality if Ingo stirred awake in this dream and found himself on the floor of his twin’s bedroom, alone?

His entire body trembled hard enough to give him spasms. He bit down at his finger to calm himself, almost shoving it whole in his mouth: his teeth gnawed at the bone and left craters on the pulled skin.

Should he risk it? He wanted to. So bad. So bad. The memory - or dream - of holding Ingo lingered at the back of his head. He needed to know he was real. He needed to know this wasn’t fake. And if it was? No. It had to be real. He had to be real. He had to try. He had to. Even if he was scared.

Fingertips grazed the sleeping limb. Then they pressed upon it some more.

Ingo kept groaning intermittently like a train, unbothered.

Emmet laid his palm on the shoulder, cupped it in his hand whilst making sure not to shake it. It was stiff, hard and bony, but its muscles were relaxed.

It was real.

He finally let go of a raspy breath that had lodged itself in his throat and let himself drop to sit back on the mattress.

He caressed his brother’s shoulder mechanically, slowly, softly, trapped in a sort of trance. It wasn’t quite like being drunk, the lightheaded feeling that had him almost ooze out of his own body, or losing his grip on reality – overwhelmed, that was the word: he was overwhelmed, with relief and with such a heavy kind of love falling in chunks out of his chest. Ingo was there. Ingo was alright.

Ingo was back with him.

His hair was longer. At least, it sort of looked like that in the poor lighting. Emmet reached out slowly and caught a white lock in his fingers, twisting and curling it around them. It was clean. A little soft. So unlike Ingo, to have hair like this.

He could have had a mullet now, like he wanted when they were kids. He was too afraid to commit to it fully back then. Maybe this was the right time.

Emmet blinked.

What kind of thought was that, he asked himself in what would have been a laugh if he had been present enough in his own head to muster one. His brother is back after years of being missing, and the first thing he notices is his haircut. If he weren’t aromantic he’d make for a good boyfriend, he assumed - wasn’t it a cliché, that of a girl cutting her hair to make a boy notice and failing. Not that he’d know if that really happened to real people.

He registered all that slowly, distractedly. His own words were white noise against the deafening silence of his senses as he took in his twin’s concrete existence piece by piece, as if composing a puzzle.

He was… Mostly well kept, unlike his clothes. Which was a relief, even if his cheeks seemed a bit too shallow, and his palms and fingertips were cut all over, and his eyes were circled by a faint purple shadow. Emmet cupped the side of his face in his palm, carding through Ingo’s sideburns in the process. His thumb stroked the pale skin softly, carefully; his brother let him coddle him as he pleased, continuing to sleep without a single worry to crease his brow.

The notable loss of mass and the beard made him seem much older. Not frail, somehow - but he still appeared so, to his younger twin; maybe it was how his knuckles peeked through the skin, or how he slept on his side half curled up on himself, as they had stopped doing a little after moving in with their uncle…

Emmet shook his head slightly. Maybe he was just projecting.

He wanted to lay down and fall asleep again, wrapped in a hug around Ingo, but for that he would have had to move Excadrill and he could not fathom doing such an awful thing to her.

She had missed him so much.

(That must have been the real reason she had taken care of him.)

(In her grief she must have convinced herself he was Ingo.)

(Poor sweet thing.)

(Emmet didn’t know that if Excadrill had heard him she would have jabbed him in the stomach with her claw and yelled at him to never think such a thing again.)

The lights from streetlamps outside casted bright shadows through the blinds, distorting colors into colder hues. It made their skin gain a cyanotic undertone, similar to the blue of veins snaking towards knuckles; but Ingo telegraphed each of his breaths by expanding his ribcage with every inhale and snoring softly at every exhale, and Emmet juxtaposed his own breathing cycle with his brother’s, and so he knew they were both alive, there, together.

Then Ingo groaned, whined, stirred; his eye opened and lit the room with how white it was.

Emmet felt his chest implode.

His brother’s scarred hand rose in the air in a clumsy manner: “Emmet,” he called, blindly, grasping at nothing until he was caught by another set of much smoother fingers. His elbow punted itself against the mattress as he tried to stand up: “Emmet – sorry, I’m late - no delays on, on the schedule, I’ll–”

He found himself getting pushed back down gently, with a long slew of hushed monotone no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no‘s almost lulling him back to sleep instantly.

“It’s early,” he heard his little twin say in that voice he had completely forgotten yet missed so much, “Verrry early.”

“Verrry early,” he repeated absentmindedly. It was so immediately familiar.

Emmet nodded, feverish, panicked: “Verrry early. I could not sleep. I woke you up. I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”

“It’s fine,” Ingo reassured him, “It’s fine…”

“Go back to sleep. I woke you up, I’m sorry. Go back to sleep. It’s early. It’s…”

He quieted down as his palm was squeezed intermittently. The fear of waking up from a dream now that Ingo was awake began to wobble, to shrink and wane like an image on distorted water.

“It’s fine,” his older brother repeated.

For a little bit, all they did was hold each other’s hand in the dark.

Then Ingo’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, and he looked up to Emmet from where he laid on his side, and held his hand a little tighter.

His twin felt a knot in his throat, a sudden shame coiling around him, and murmured sheepishly: “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright, really,” the older brother replied, “Don’t worry about that.”

“You should sleep. You’re… You were tired. Verrry tired. You should sleep…”

“You should too. It won’t do you good to lose sleep like that...”

“I - I’m not…” he didn’t want to lie to him - he didn’t want to worry him, either. “I can’t sleep.”

The rough voice came to him kindly: “Can I stay awake with you, then?”

Emmet nodded with a bit of difficulty. Ingo’s fingertips were rough and calloused on the back of his hand. Suddenly it felt like he was a teen again, and Ingo was their uncle (must have been the beard...), half dozing back off and grumbling but still listening to the night together.

The thought made his heart clench in guilt, and he held his brother’s hand a little tighter to get rid of his musings.

The older twin held his gaze on him for a moment more, swinging their arms slightly. Then his clear eyes turned curiously to look around the room, to the glimpses of furniture the poor lighting showed off through silhouettes and angles reflecting vague sources of cold light in a sort of fuzzy way.

“I don’t… Think, I fell asleep here,” he noted absentmindedly

“You didn’t,” his brother explained: “You were on the couch. I made you wait. I had to change the sheets. They were dusty. I’m sorry.”

His piercing stare returned on the face mirroring his, words soft with puzzlement: “For what?”

“Making you wait. But the sheets were dusty. You couldn’t…” Emmet played with his lined nails for a second or two, tracing them with the thumbs of both his hands. “You couldn’t sleep on that.”

Just for that? Oh, but it was no reason to be sorry...

“You didn’t have to fuss about something that small for me,” Ingo reprimanded him without bite, kindly, though it sounded more like a reassurance than anything else: “It wouldn’t have been a problem…”

“But they were dusty.” his twin insisted. He made it sound like it was an awfully important thing, that they were dusty. That Ingo could have never slept on them because they were dusty, like that would have been an insult to him.

He blew a huff through barely parted lips, like a complaint; Emmet gave an unamused stubborn hum in return.

They were playing with one another’s hands now - tracing and caressing fingers, tickling lightly the skin folding and creasing between index and thumb, circling knuckles, running along the lines carved along their palms, along thin scars, along what remained of the mending left by medical stitches, along thin crusts of punctures pierced open by teeth.

Ingo looked around the dimly lit bedroom.

“This is… My room?” he asked.

His brother nodded.

“You carried me here?”

Now he shook his head. He lifted his gaze a little, to direct the older twin’s attention to the dragon slumbering with deep breaths on the bed’s headrest: “Haxorus did.”

The razor sharp mandibles at the side of the beast’s head felt like smooth bone when he ran a hand over them. Haxorus grumbled lightly, shifting in his sleep so that his scaly head would bump against the pale knuckles; Gurdurr held a little tighter onto him with his own strong fists.

Ingo looked at him with a sweet sort of melancholic awe: “He used to be an egg,” he muttered.

Emmet wheezed a chuckle: “He did,” he nodded. “We saw him hatch.”

“A great honor,” his brother whispered. His neck strained a little trying to get a better look at the Pokémon held by draconic limbs: “And who’s that…? Tim… Con… Gur…”

“Gurdurr.”

Ingo snorted a bit, a stunted, sleepy laugh escaping him: “Could you say that again, please?” he asked  while failing to contain his amusement.

Emmet repeated, rolling his Rs as much as he could: “Gurrr-durrr.”

His brother’s hiccuping giggles were music to his ears.

So he pointed behind himself, to the dark blue and reddish amalgamate of rocks laying on a pile of literal toxic garbage: “And over there,” he said, and he stressed the letter as far as he could again, “There’s Bol-dorrre.”

Ingo laughed softly, hiding his mouth behind tthe back of his hand, muffling his voice as if he was afraid he was being unpolite when his younger brother so clearly was putting every ounce of his phonetic ability to vibrate the trilling consonant just to amuse him as much as possible.

“That’s the little one,” he remembered, “That’s him… And the big- the large one there - she is… Ah, I know it, I know it…Bo, bo… Odor...?”

“Garrr-bo-dorrr,” Emmet nodded, making him chuckle a little more. His thumb stroked his brother’s metacarpal bones through his skin while his chest jumped and trembled with mirth, and a sense of elation like he though he had never felt it before seized him right before adding: “She eats trash.”

“Oh!” at that his twin shook his head against the pillow, still giggly yet now murmuring with slight worry: “Oh, that cannot be good for her…”

“No, it’s fine - it helps her poison,” he was reassured. “And she eats normal things, too.”

“That’s a relief…”

His free hand dug into short, dense fur; with a quiet whirr similar to a purr, the enormous mole at his side shifted a little, removing metal claws to showcase the soft unprotected belly, immediately seized by vicious sleepy scritches.

Ingo watched her kick a little in her sleep as he tried to recall her name: “Drill… Excadrill,” he attempted, turning to Emmet to check if he was right. When his brother nodded he shifted his attention onto the purplish flames barely crackling in the dark, their master in deep slumber: “Chandelure…” he murmured reverently, overwhelmed for just a moment by her beauty.

Something with an exoskeleton rustled a moment as if adjusting itself, making him turn again. He squinted at the indistinct mass, recognizing a pair of bulbous eyes: “That’s - Crust, I think… Crustle... Ah - oh dear,” and now he covered his own eyes, embarassed: “He’s naked.”

Emmet raised a palm to contain the laugh leaping out of his mouth like a playful Tympole, but he could not keep it from spilling all over the covers in a shower of irregular pearls.

“No!” he hiccuped out, trying to direct his focus to the metal sheen above the rock bug: “No, he’s covered, see!”

His brother peeked through his fingers: “Not much…” he lamented, though his tone was delighted as he listened to the stunted chuckles still falling off of equally pale lips. The iron carapace attracted his attention, and he tried his hand at remembering the name attached to the fearsome mandibles glinting dimly in the dark: “That’s… Something about heat, that’s the one who eats her, right?…”

“Yup,” his twin nodded. He took in a breath to regain composure: “She’s Durant.”

“Durant, Durant… A bug,” Ingo noted. His finger rose all the way up to Emmet’s head, curling a strand of hair around itself and pulling lightly, to tease him - getting a silly grimace out of him: “You have an awful fondness for bugs. You have… A whole lot of them. Way too many, really... And they’re everywhere, all the time… In your pockets…”

“I do,” his brother admitted, “And they are.”

As if knowing they were the subject of the conversation at hand, a few weak squeaks arose from a yellow mass just behind Emmet, maybe vexed by a few bad dreams that dissipated once the crying bundle of static-y fuzz was wrapped in a warm palm.

He presented the quieted down pest to his brother: “You meant these?”

Ingo squinted to see the small insect in the dark: “Hmmm-hm, yes, that’s the one... It’s those - they are… Ah-” he clicked his tongue; his finger twitched a little to point behind the small heap, to the huge legs holding something between a lizard and a bird: “The big one’s called… Galvantula, I think. I can’t remember the... Hmmm...”

“Tiks?” Emmet helped.

His twin hummed and screwed his brow: “Tiks - tik, Jol? Tik? Is it Joltik?”

“Yup.”

He nodded, pensively: “We have so many of them… You have so many of them… They keep- they eat the, the… The lightbulbs.”

“Those are too big for them,” his brother replied. He very carefully placed the little soul-sucker on Ingo’s shoulder, picking another one to keep it company: “They like chewing cables though.”

“Ah, you’re right,” the older twin agreed. “They cost us a lot, don’t they.”

“Not anymore. They learned to behave.”

Ingo hummed approvingly as his shirt was nibbled slowly by little mandibles.

His brows furrowed now as he looked at the flying lizard gekkering in its sleep. He struggled to get something out of himself - a gaping hole in his memory swallowed the thin, almost snake-like head whole, leaving him only with a vague blunt noise - and he hated that.

“There’s...” he still tried, pointing at him: “There’s a hard sound in there.”

Emmet followed the clean line of his index: “That’s Archeops,” he filled in the blank for him.

That... Ingo furrowed his brows: “Not ‘chen’?”

“No,” his brother replied patiently, “Archeops. He used to be Archen, but he’s Archeops now.”

It sounded neither right nor wrong to him - though it was most certainly right, because it was Emmet who said that, and Emmet had not lost his memories. The uncertainty made him uneasy.

Now he was focused on a round mouth squashed on itself, fangs peeking through and slimy limbs sustaining the head, indiscernible from the rest of the neck and spine, upon which laid a long crest of sorts. It was huffing regularly in its sleep, eyes closed, with a slight gurgle like boiling water coming from the recesses of its throat. It was his brother’s, he believed.

And no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he felt like it was important to his twin, no matter how hard he screwed his face in thought, he could not for the life of him recall its name.

He detested that.

“Eelektross.” Emmet helped.

It could have been any other for as much as he knew.

“He is my ace,” his brother’s voice explained: “Like Chandelure is yours.”

Ingo nodded, apologizing softly for not being able to remember on his own. No matter - no matter, he did not want to worry anybody with a fould mood. His eyes fell on the complex metal creature hovering sleepily under the enormous electric lamprey, and he lightened up slightly as he gave a fond huff of recognition: “I know that one,” he said, pointing at it, “Its name is a bit silly - my brain makes that sound when I think… Kling-klang, kling-klang, kling-klang…”

That made Emmet snicker: “Does it?”

“Hm-hm,” he nodded as he repeated, overly amused with himself: “Klingkang, Klingklang, Klingklang…”

A long sigh filled Ingo’s chest and deflated him softly, and Emmet watched as that glowing semblance of happiness melted slowly off of his face, as his scarred thumb drew circles on the younger twin’s knuckles, almost mournful.

The distraction had not worked.

It- he was Emmet’s ace, and he had not remembered that. Had not known that. Not felt that - only barely, vaguely, that he had some kind of importance, but nothing more. Ingo should have remembered that. He should have. Just like he should have not needed Haxorus’ name to remember they had seen him hatch, or like he should have not needed any clues to figure out Joltik, or Durant, or Garbodor, or Gurdurr, or Boldore, or Archeops. It should have been easy. It should have been immediate. Instinctive. Like recognizing his own room, and the objects within it - another task he horribly failed at the more he took in his shadowy sorroundings.

“I don’t know enough…” he growled softly at himself. He sounded heartbroken.

His twin held Ingo’s palm a little tighter and brought it to his mouth, to press his lips on it.

“It’s fine,” he murmured against the bony phalanxes comfortingly, “You know a lot. It’s good. You’re doing good, trying to remember. It’s fine if it’s not all at once. It’s better. And you’re here. You’re right here. It’s fine.”

Ingo hummed. He wasn’t that sure of it.

But he remained quiet, stroking his brother’s index with his thumb. He felt the gentle grip tighten slightly and release, tighten slightly and release, to ease his thoughts. Ah - that’s where that quirk of his came from. He had not even noticed how he had squeezed the nervousness out of his little twin at first.

The back of his hand was kissed kindly again. It made the knot around his heart a little easier to digest, enough to think of somethinge else he wanted to remember in some way.

“Is it just us?” he asked quietly.

His brother hummed: “We live alone, yup.”

The silence was filled with the sleep-chatter of their Pokémon. It was comfortable, in a way; but not the point.

“And in our family?” Ingo continued. “Is it just us?”

Ah - of course, that’s what he meant, Emmet thought to himself, of course. He would word himself very specifically usually, to make sure Emmet had no trouble understanding what he meant - but he was so awfully tired, and he was ever so slightly careless when he was tired, so he would lose a little in the translation between thoughts and words, even though he never meant to be unnecessarily obscure or incomprehensible.

But, if this was about family, then he better get - sitting like this was fine, but not for this. He had to... Hold on--

“Hold on,” he murmured, placing his brother’s hand back down on the covers with a careful pat before untangling his own from it as he stood up: “Hold on, I need a chair. It’s not comfy like this. I’ll take a chair. Hold on.”

The older twin followed him with his gaze and immediately disagreed as he started dragging the swiveling chair closer: “Not that one - it’s dusty…”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.”

“No - it’s dusty,” Ingo insisted (he made it sound like it was an awfully important thing, that it was dusty, that Emmet could have never sat on it because it was dusty, like that would have been an insult to him). “You’ll get dirty…”

“It’s fine. I’ll shake it off,” his brother just assured him. A fleeting thought made it out of his mouth before he could stop it: “I need to dust your room.”

“I can do that later…”

“No. I’ll do that. You need to rest.”

Ingo grumbled in displeasure; Emmet replied by blowing a raspberry at him.

He never lets me help, they both thought. One day he’ll collapse from fatigue and I’ll have to tuck him in to sleep so tight he won’t be able to get out of bed for a month.

A scratched palm reached out once the chair was close enough; fingers still healing from self-inflicted bites caught it tight.

“I’m here,” Emmet assured Ingo as he took his seat next to the pillow: “I’m here. You’re here. I’m here.”

His elbows slid across the pillowcase until his chin was resting upon it as well, snug and comfortable as he leaned his whole back forward. He smiled for a moment, a strange huff leaving him, like a need to cough out a sudden unexplained giddiness, and his grin just grew as he took in the same silly excitement in the slight curve of his brother’s frown. They struggled a second more still with that sudden feeling of complicity, like kids sneaking into one another’s hiding spot in secret - trying to get as comfortable as possible - and finally, finally, Emmet hummed and hawed and bit his lip a little, trying to figure out where to start.

In the end, he decided the best way to do this was chronologically - from oldest to youngest. Hopefully he would not forget anybody.

“We have an uncle,” he began: “Drayden. He’s a gym leader, Dragon type.”

“The one in Opelucid city? Like Skyla said?” his twin interrupted him briefly.

“Yup. And we have a cousin, and a cousin-in-law too. They have two children. Half-siblings. We grew up with them.”

“We did?”

“Yup. The oldest is... uh... eight?” yes, that seemed right. “Eight years younger than us.”

His brother seemed very surprised at that: “We are that much younger than our cousin? Than our uncle’s-?”

“Yup, yup! He had our cousin early. Verrry early. And we were born... I think late. Not sure. But we have younger cousins too. The half-siblings. We’re not proper cousins, but we call them that and they call us that back. The older one is Marshal and the younger one is Iris. They’re both verrry strong. We should battle them again these days, if we can. It would be fun. They’re verrry serious in their battles. Iris was born when we were sixteen.”

“Ah... Then we--” Ingo’s eyes widened suddenly. He gasped quietly at an unspoken realization, and tried propping himself up on one arm as he whispered, leaning a little closer to Emmet, white irises breaking through the darkness with a sort of excited glimmer emphasizing their clarity: “Did we get to hold her? When she was a baby?”

Emmet popped his mouth: “Yup.”

“And how was she?”

“Like a little prune.”

His brother’s awe cracked a little when he snorted: “That’s not nice!”

“It’s the truth. She yelled a lot, so you would yell with her and she would stop. And then you’d stop and she’d start all over again. It was terrible.” and he pushed his nose against the older twin’s, making his head fall back on the pillow while he stared into his pupils with eyes enormous to the point where his expression was comical: “Terrrible.”

Their cackles caused quite the quiet commotion around the twelve sleeping bodies curled up with them, making them all turn and whine and hiss and grumble in a concert of varied calls, and the two men fumbled to reach out their hands and shut each other up, pressing palms to their amused mouths.

Fortunately, none of their beloved beasts awoke.

Emmet kept laughing softly for a moment more, a little stunted, in short bursts, and one of his eyes squinted as it was caught in a square of blueish light peeking through the blinds, another one missing the other eye just barely. He wheezed a little - he had a wheezy laugh, breathy and intermittent, and Ingo instead was prone to long snorts that rattled his throat and face, and in a way it was something they complemented each other in, one of many other little things.

It was a comforting thing to know. To remember.

Like having a family.

“And that’s all of them?” he pressed on. “All our relatives?”

“Yup. For us. Iris and Marshal, they have other cousins too, I think. Proper cousins. Not sorta cousins like us.”

“But they’re not our cousins as well, right?”

“No, not ours. We’ve never met them.”

“That’s a shame.”

His twin hummed in agreement. From what Marshal had vaguely explained a few years ago, the older seemed very serious about battling as well, and the younger was very eager to surpass him. A multi battle... Twins against brothers. All four, very serious. That would have been fun. Verrry fun. The idea curled nicely in his mind like a strand of hair tucked behind the ear.

“Do we have parents?”

Emmet hushed for a moment.

“They’re alive, probably.” he answered quietly.

Ingo understood, as he always did.

“They’re dead to us.”

“Yes.”

Neither were going to talk about this again. Judging by tone alone, there was no need for it.

“Was it our uncle? Who raised us?” he asked instead.

“No. But we lived with him.” a tug at his heart. “He’s a good man.”

Ingo’s hand slipped in his hair, and it felt so very real. He felt it scratch gently at his scalp, soon joined by its mismatched twin with a little difficulty, as the arm had to snake rather awkwardly out from underneath his body; Emmet let him play with his head, let him sway it in his hold and pull it a little closer to his own, until his brother’s beard was almost in his eyes while he pressed his mouth to his forehead. Despite the foreign sensation it felt comforting, it felt real. It felt good and heavy on his shoulders when those scarred arms wrapped around them. He closed his eyes as he embraced him back and soaked into the everything around him, the warmth, the texture, the weight. He smelled like nothing and held him tight enough not to hurt. The phantoms of bruises his brother had sunk in his back when they had first seen each other pulsed dully and sang, reassuringly, that all of it was alright.

“I’m sorry.��� Ingo murmured against his skin.

It froze his blood solid.

Like icicles injected in his veins.

“That this… That all of this happened.” he heard him again. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean for it to happen. I swear. I’m sorry. I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

Emmet held him as tight as he could.

“It’s fine. You’re here.” that’s what matters, he wanted to say, but something made it so that he couldn’t bring the words to leave his mouth. So he just repeated it: “You’re here,” he said, as his fingers dug gently into his brother’s hair, comfortingly, “You’re here. I’m here. You’re here. You’re here. It’s fine. You’re here.”

But it didn’t help: “I’m sorry…”

“You’re here. It’s fine. I know. I know. You’re here. You’re here. You’re with me. We’re here. You’re here.”

“I didn’t mean to forget…” you, he didn’t manage to breathe out. “I didn’t want…”

“I know you didn’t. You wouldn’t. I know. It’s fine-” a horrid doubt came to him - why was he apologizing? Why would Ingo apologize? There was no way for him to have cause his own amnesia and disappearance like that, so why? Was this really happening. Was this real. “Ingo - you’re here. It’s fine. You’re here. You’re here. We’re here. You’re here. You’re here. With me. You’re here with me. We’re here. You’re here. You’re here. You’re home. You’re here. You’re here with me. With me. You’re here. You’re here.”

Maybe if he said it enough times it would come true.

Ingo could not cry, but he tried. He tried as he held tight onto his brother’s back, like a child, as he felt Emmet kiss the side of his head and comb through his hair to assure both of them of something he could not vocalize.

“I love you a lot,” he sobbed for the both of them.

His twin tightened the hold around his head and laid the bridge of his nose on his temple. He did not say anything: his neck was tied in a knot; that horrible question spiraled further on its own.

“I love you a lot,” Ingo sobbed again. “I love you so much. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Emmet must have cried too hard the evening before, because he had no more tears in his eyes to shed.

His brother’s voice was muffled: “I’m sorry…”

He kissed his cheek in complete silence. I love you a lot too.

This was too good.

Ingo was there.

Ingo was in his arms.

Ingo was home again.

This was too good to be true.

He was going to wake up at any moment, wasn’t he? He was going to get up and fall off of bed, he was going to go out and talk about how happy he was that his brother was back only to be met with concerned stares and reminders that there were no news regarding his twin’s whereabouts – no, reminders that they had found Ingo’s body, just his body, just his lifeless body, and he was going to be put on medication so that he wouldn’t kill himself directly or through a slow decline into some kind of addiction, because a dream so good could have only come as a misguided attempt at comforting after something indescribably horrid  - he must have drunk, must have eaten something, consumed something, to have such a dream, or such a hallucination, he must have, he must have, and now it was making him spiral into the delusion that Ingo was there, that he had changed the sheets for nobody, that he had not been talking to thin air, that he was not pathetically hunched over his brother’s bed imagining to hug him like a madman – they must have already put him on medication, they must have done that a month ago, when they found the body, and yesterday he thought he didn’t need it anymore, that he was fine, and he didn’t take it, and now look at him, like this… Serves him right, serves him right, serves him right - he needs it, he needs the medicine, he needs it, he needs it, he doesn’t want to be like this, he doesn’t want to be like this, he wants to live, even if it hurts, he wants to like, he doesn’t want to be like this, he doesn’t want to curl up in the idea that his brother is there and solid and real and warm and breathing and sobbing and holding him and telling him he loves him a lot if it means he’ll drown in it and destroy himself in it – Ingo would hate that, Ingo would blame himself, he would be devastated, he would cry, he cannot give Ingo this grief, not when he’s dead, not now that he’s supposed to be sleeping peacefully for as long as he wants without any pesky schedule waking him up early every morning, he shouldn’t have to get up just to haunt his brother to make him function, he shouldn’t, he shouldn’t, he should sleep, he should be let sleep, he’s so tired… Life is so tiring, he should sleep… He should be allowed to sleep… Ingo is asleep… Forever, forever, he’s asleep… He should not worry him… He should not worry him… The medication, now, he needs it, he needs his medication - Ingo should be allowed to sleep… To sleep…

Emmet tried to stand, to pry himself away from the hold of warm arms that tightened ever so slightly when he tried to leave (it was not real, no matter how solid it felt, no matter how much he wanted to melt into it), shaking so much he could barely move.

“I need to go,” he muttered, struggling to get the words out of  his mouth. He needed his medication. Now. “I need to – get… Get ready. For- for work.”

“You said it was early,” Ingo murmured, worried, scared, holding him.

The hand squeezing his shoulder to calm his uncontrollable shivering felt real. It felt heavy, it felt comforting. He could not fall for it, he needed his medication, he needed to get himself back on track: “It’s- not- I- I need to-”

But Ingo – the hallucination, it insisted: “What time is it?”

Through some miracle, he managed to get his Xtrans to his face. It was barely 3:45. One hour and forty-five minutes.

He still had an hour and forty-five minutes.

“It’s early,” his - not his brother, said, and he- it insisted, reassuring, gentle, terrified of having done something wrong, of being alone, “It’s still early… It’s still early - Emmet, sit down, it’s early, you’re tired… It’s useless getting ready right now, you’ll have time later…”

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

He had to go. He had to. He had to. Before he drowned. His throat felt dry as he tried his best to think and hack out something that made sense.

“Wash… Face…”

Now he was in the bathroom.

His head hurt and his eyes were burning.

He had promised to go back once he was done.

He squeezed his eyelids shut and managed to cry just a little bit more.

His shaking hands struggled to open the cabinet, searched feverishly through whatever was in there. It should have rattled if it had the pills in it, right? It should have - this? No, no, no, bandaids, bandaids, tape, this...? He knocked something over and cursed at himself. This one - this one rattled, it must have been this one. He unscrewed the lid and blindly dumped as many capsules in his hand as possible; then he stopped.

No. Moderation. Safety first and foremost. Safety through moderation.

He counted the pills as he dropped them back into their container, as if the slow and repetitive motion coupled with his own shaking monotone could have helped steady his nerves, until he had only one still in his hand. Just one. Just one would have worked fine.

Most of the water he slammed down with it ended up splashed all over his face. It didn’t feel unpleasant. Even his shaking seemed to be slowing down just a little bit. Maybe the medicine was working already.

“Emmet,” called the voice from Ingo’s bedroom.

Emmet should have ignored it, should have waited for it to melt away with the chemical aftertaste. But he walked back anyways, exhausted; he sat back on that dusty chair, fell back in those arms that could never be real. He could allow himself this, he thought to himself, leaning into his brother’s hold, just this once... Just one sweet dream. Just one. Safety in moderation. Just one, and then he would have gone back to having lost his twin. Just one nice, sweet dream.

Ingo (if this was him) kissed his forehead. It was soft. It was so soft...

“Try to sleep a little more,” Emmet heard him murmur, almost with a tinge of concern: “It’s still early...”

He held onto that body that shouldn’t have felt as solid as it did.

“I will... Be, off. At work. The whole day,” he stumbled on his words, struggling as he chastised himself a little for warning a dream that he would have never had again anyways. His head felt heavy and light at the same time. “I will be back... Late. At night. Don’t wait up for me. Ok? You need to sleep well. Regularly. ‘s important. El... Elesa will come. At noon, to bring groceries.”

“Elesa?” the voice swam in his ears.

He nodded a little: “Our friend. Dear friend. Dearest. Like... A sister. Sweetheart. Verrry pretty. Verrry pretty... Verrry... She has... We gave her keys. So she won’t.... Phone. Or bother you. You need... To sleep. Skeep- sleep. It’s early. It’s... Go... Go to sleep. You need that.”

His face was sunked back into the crook of a neck: “You need that too...”

“Hm. Hm. Yes. I will... I will...” he should have gone to his own room. Distancing and all. But he felt so sluggish. So tired... Just one dream... Just one... “Can I... Can I stay here? With you?”

The hold seemed to tighten ever so slightly.

If Ingo said anything past that, Emmet wouldn’t have known. The single sleeping pill had him breathing deeply, calmly, wrapped tightly in his brother’s very real hug, in a dusty nest of clean sheets and their tangled Pokémon.

[lovelybarnes]

baby blue- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, tony stark bruce banner, steve rogers, sam wilson warnings: child bucky, language, this is long. why is this so long about: requested by @cherry-season (apparently can't tag you)! bucky turns into a baby/toddler and is clingy a/n: okay so i know virtually nothing about three-year-olds. can you tell? thank you so much for requesting!! I had so much fun writing this <333

[@tylard-blog1]

bucky’s day wasn’t particularly fantastic to begin with.

he was already exhausted when he woke up in the early lights of the morning, his nightmares had kept him up all night-- which you theorized was due to the mission the day before that took place in one of the same hydra bases bucky had been held in. you had frowned when you realized it the day of, turning your attention to bucky and making sure he was okay with it because if he wasn’t, you would make sure someone else took care of it. he had insisted it was fine, even though the next night proved him wrong. you had done what you could, running your fingers through his hair and humming lightly until you fell asleep and he refused to wake you up, resigning himself to a sleepless night.

his morning started with his flesh arm reaching out to feel your side of the bed, hoping to find your soft, warm skin to pull you closer, but instead being met with the unkind sheets that missed the gentleness of your body. he had frowned when he realized you had already left for a meeting with some important hotshot in space with carol (you couldn’t find a better excuse to go get breakfast at your favorite alien restaurant with your favorite aliens) and wouldn’t be back for a solid few hours too long. groaning, and with no real reason to stay in bed for any longer without the excuse of getting to feel you for a few more hours, he dragged himself out of bed.

it didn’t get much better from there, because he was greeted with the sight of sam eating the last bowl of the last box of cereal in the whole damn tower because everyone rejected to go grocery shopping. since bucky refused to eat any of the frozen breakfasts tony loved so much and the stark kid swore were “the best thing ever,” he grunted at sam and walked away without eating, knowing he’d regret it later when his stomach would growl and you would immediately know he skipped breakfast.

for some unknown reason, tony had found out about bucky’s lack of things to do, and with a few winks and manipulative large-worded engineering phrases, convinced him to join him in the lab, which bucky had only really been able to see through the clear glass that separated the lab from the rest of the tower, and from the occasions where he would take food and drinks to you while you locked yourself away inside, building something alongside tony.

being inside, so close to the various machines and objects bucky cant begin to figure out the purpose of, his memories of being in school and at the top of his math and engineering classes bubble to the surface, filling him with the pride he remembers having every day at school. the thought that he could probably understand everything if you or tony explained it to him passes through his mind and urges him to ask tony to do just that, but tony beats him before he can get the chance.

bruce is eyeing them wearily from the other side of the lab, attention mostly on the test tubes in front of him. he gives bucky a smile when he comes in, but seems to ignore him for the most part until tony shows bucky to bruce’s work station, pointing out a blue liquid in a test tube marked TESTING. bruce’s neck snaps to them when tony open his big mouth, “you know, y/n was actually supposed to test something out for me today,” tony begins innocently, a suggestion laced in his words that bucky catches but decides to ignore because of the high he feels from understanding the equations scribbled on the clear glass, “do you know where she is?”

bucky narrows his eyes at him, then looks up at the clock, realizing it’s still a while before you get back, “not even on earth,” he recipes blandly, slyly sneaking a glance at the liquid for any indications of what it could be.

tony sighs dramatically, his shoulders sagging, “oh no, how do i test this now?” bruce shoots tony a warning glance that is blatantly ignored.

bucky’s shrugging before he can help it, the reminder that since you were going to do it, what could be the harm if he did? “i could do it.”

tony claps, “great!” he gestures to a door behind him, “please go in there to sign non-disclosure agreements and wash your hands.”

bucky’s shoved inside before he can fully understand the implications of his stupid offer.

-

the thought of asking the basic questions he should have asked before he agreed to test an unidentified liquid comes to bucky nearly an hour later, when the small vial of weird blue liquid sits in front of him, waiting to be drunk. tony and bruce sit in chairs a couple of feet away, clipboards in both of their hands, and interested expressions settled on their features.

“what does this do again?” he asks, squinting at the vial that he doesn’t notice tony isn’t looking at, furrowing his eyebrows when tony waves him off, “something super smart. no side effects or anything.” bucky’s eyes flit down to the little vial again, before they nearly bug out of his head at the humongous laser that is rolled into the room, “what the hell is that.”

“ah,” tony grins, bouncing from his seat to stand next to his invention proudly, “this is what you’re testing out.” bucky cocks his head at the man, “i thought i was drinking blue water. y/n was going to drink blue water.” tony shakes his head, adjusting some dials on the machine, “yeah, no, it was this. pretty sure i told you.”

“you didn’t-” bruce is looking at tony in concern, about to tell him to slow down so bucky has a chance to think all this through again and maybe ask if there is any chance the laser will melt him, when tony clicks a large red button and a bright white light clouds bucky’s vision just as he sees the clock on the exact same time he saw an hour ago, realizing the clock in the billion-dollar lab is broken, and you’re probably getting home any second.

“tony!” he hears bruce yell before his vision goes dark.

it’s only a second until he can pry open his eyes again, a hand curling into a fist, ready to pound stark into tomorrow when he can suddenly feel the nails of his hand digging into his palm. the surprising feeling of it where his vibranium arm should be forces him to look down at a small arm, fully skin and thin. he looks around, noticing his surroundings suddenly have grown very large around him, and the sound of his voice is higher when he tries to speak again.

“what the f-” he mumbles, cutting himself off when a sudden memory of his ma yelling at him to wash his mouth out if he wants to talk like that floods his mind, and he stares down at himself, eyebrows furrowing when he spots his short stature and the tiny hands and feet that look up at him. realization floods him like a wave, raising his chin at the two, tall, gobsmacked men in front of. “was that supposed to happen?” bruce asks quietly, nodding slowly when tony shakes his head, “no.”

there’s a light knock at the door, your hand pushing it open before anyone can stop you, and your tired face peeks in, a glowing smiling adorning your face and your eyes searching for your boyfriend, “hey, do you guys know where bucky is-” your voice cuts through the stunned silence, pausing when you catch the little boy’s eye. at first, you stare at him, your eyebrows pulling together as you get a good look at the familiar cerulean of his eyes and scan the clothing you’d seen on bucky before. for a second, everything is silent, bucky’s eyes are wide and staring as yours bore into them, searching for something you’re nearly touching until you gasp, “bucky?” you choke, reaching for him when he nods, his legs already trying to reach you as fast as they possibly can but they buckle. bucky realizes just then how old he must be now. “oh, baby,” you murmur, gathering him up in your arms before he can fall to the hard ground of the lab. “what the hell did you idiots do to my boyfriend?” you demand, turning to the two scientists who are going over tony’s notes.

bruce glances at tony, tilting his head at him as if to say him. you roll your eyes, not having any more information than when you asked, “tony?” you growl, walking over to the man, not missing the way little bucky’s hand grabs onto your shirt.

“it didn’t- that wasn’t supposed to happen,” tony defends weakly, a lazy shrug pulling at his shoulders. your eyes flash with velvet red, and, without moving a finger, tony’s pulled in front of you, wrapped in red swirls bucky can’t help but gawk at.

“fix it.” you order. tony nods, pursing his lips, “we’ll do that.” bruce looks a little taken aback, looking up from tony’s scribbles and equations. “i don’t think it’ll last more than a day,” he offers helpfully, “whatever it was tony was trying to do wasn’t either.”

bucky’s eyes start to droop, which he assumes is an effect of the sleepless night he just had on his infant body, something that usually wouldn’t affect him in his one-hundred-and-six-year-old self. he hums when he realizes the irony, leaning his head against the welcoming crook of your neck and catching your attention. you turn to him for a moment, softening a little before turning back to tony and glaring at him, “fix it.”

-

steve catches you when you walk out of the lab, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head when he spots the toddler in your arms, “holy shit, that looks exactly like bucky,” he breathes, scanning the dark mussed-up hair and stepping back when bucky opens his eyes. from next to him, sam looks from bucky to you, “did you two have a kid and not tell anyone, because this-”

“is bucky. that’s bucky.” you interrupt, looking at the toddler, “tony messed up with something and… this happened, i don’t completely… bucky’s a baby.”

steve raises an eyebrow, squinting at his best friend, “ha,” he laughs, “wow, he looks exactly like his pictures. he must be about three years old.” bucky blinks at him. “his ma said he was chatting up a storm at that age, though,” steve informs, looking back up at you. sam grins, “has he said anything? i kinda want to hear if he still sounds old.” bucky frowns at him, his pout deepening when sam bursts into laughter, “his grumpy face is the same!”

you look at your boyfriend, tilting your head and smiling a little when you realize he’s right, “you’re cute,” you coo now that you get a good look at him, “you’re so cute,” you murmur, poking his nose with your finger. bucky can’t help the blush that comes to his cheeks. but he slaps away sam’s fingers, scowling at him, “no.” he argues, “no.”

sam frowns, “no old man voice.”

“i hate you,” bucky says to sam, and you laugh, “i think we should leave for now. i need to figure out what will make three-year-old bucky not as grumpy.” sam looks at bucky’s furrowed brows and the same two little lines between them, his eyes flickering back up to yours, “i think that may just be a bucky thing.”

-

you bring bucky to the living room, sitting him down at the edge of the couch and crouching in front of him, watching him and his little crossed arms, bottom lip jutted out against his own will. bucky isn’t used to the emotional control of a child who’s three and can’t control the frustration that’s coursing through him at the moment. the only thing he knows for sure is that he doesn’t want you to leave him again.

“bucky?” you start, looking deep into the wide blue eyes that let you know it is bucky you’re speaking to. “what do you want to do? are you hungry? d’you want to sleep?” bucky shakes his head stubbornly at you, “i want tony to fix this.”

you sigh, “i know, baby. i do too, but until he finds a cure to this, you’re gonna stay small for a couple more hours.” he pouts at that, and you smooth your thumb over his cheek, “no pouting. we can do whatever you want, buck.”

just as he’s about to reject any idea you have, his stomach rumbles loudly, directing your attention to the arms that guiltily cover up his middle. “bucky... did you eat breakfast today?” you query, a lecturing tone sneaking into your words. “sam ate my cereal,” bucky grumbles, crossing his arms.

“bucky!” you exclaim, standing up to turn to the kitchen, “that’s no excuse. i told you you needed to eat--” you’re barely three steps into the kitchen when you hear the pattering of his feet towards you, grubby hands pawing at your legs.

“don’t leave,” he whines, hugging your ankles and sitting down on the floor, “you left all morning,” he mumbles, smushing his cheeks against your calf.

“i’m sorry,” you apologize, bending over to brush away the hair that falls over his eyes. “c’mere,” you murmur, reaching down to pick him up again and bounce him on your hip while you head to the kitchen. “what do you want to eat?” bucky thinks about it for a minute, before smiling, “i want pizza and ice cream.” you frown at him, “i don’t think three-year-olds can eat that. actually, i don’t think anyone should.”

after consulting google on what three-year-olds should eat, you have bucky’s head resting on your shoulder, refusing to let you put him down even as you made him the mac and cheese he had agreed to, still a little upset over the fact you wouldn’t let him eat all the other things he wanted. the only time he let you not carry him was when he was eating, still insisting you sit right next to him to watch as he smeared cheese all over tony’s expensive table.

“okay,” you whisper breathlessly after watching him eat his third bowl of the meal, “i think that’s good.” you shove the dirty dishes in the sink, washing bucky’s hands and wiping at him cheeks with a warm cloth to get the mess he managed to create off. “did you forget how to eat?” you wonder aloud when you finally fnish cleaning him up, watching his small shoulders shrug.

“what do you want to do now? anything you want,” you propose.

“i want you,” he says, reaching his stubby arms out, “cuddles. ‘m sleepy,” he yawns, making grabby hands at you when you take too long to pick him up. “bucky,” you chuckle, complying with him and bringing him into your chest, where he leans his head on your shoulder. “you sure you don’t want to play or something? you don’t want to…” you trail off, trying to think of what three-year-olds do, “walk or read or something?”

bucky grunts in your ear, his eyelids already closing again, “cuddles,” he repeats, balling your shirt up in his little hands.

“okay,” you sigh, bouncing him gently while you walk to your shared bedroom. you pick up a stuffed animal you brought for bucky from one of your most recent missions, “did you sleep last night? is that why you’re so tired?” bucky hums, cuddling further into your chest when you lay down with him on top of you. you hand him the little dog plush, pressing a kiss to his head when he takes the gift, hugging it with you. “honey, i’m sorry,” you frown, gently threading your fingers through his short hair, humming the same song bucky sings to you when you can’t get to sleep. it doesn’t take long to lull him into the calmness of rest.

you only wake up when the weight on you is suddenly multiplied, completely taking your breath away, “bucky!-” you exclaim, rolling from underneath him to meet his closed eyes. you shake your head with a light laugh, drawing a strand of hair behind his ear before you press your lips to his cheeks, snuggling in with him again, “sweet dreams, darling,” you murmur, placing the stuffed animal he dropped on your dresser.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: ML Season 4 episode 14 Sentibubbler

(Spoilers for the new episode below)

-Okay so they are having dinner at Alya's place and Nino is there. Daww he is like part of the family

-Okay so everyone knows trixx is there and Marinette is ladybug

-Okay this is probably the dream in the trailer

-And there is shadowmoth, okay yea that explains that.

-AND OH S*** ITS CHAT BLANC, Did... did I write this? Cause I would totally do this bit with dream chat blanc. I already love this because i have been SAYING CHAT BLANC HAUNTS MARINETTE'S NIGHTMARES SINCE SEASON 3!

-Oh wow that is terrifying.

-Wow Wayzz just selling out Trixx like that. also THE LOCHNESS MONSTER WAS AN ILLUSION! Amazing. Trixx is officially my second fave kwami now. Bar none.

-Marinette is in panic mode right now poor girl. She needs a hug

-Oh they were looking for a big ass spider. Lol the Jukes this episode be throwing.

-Nino you adorable bean, get out here

-Nino trying to play it off. Honestly mood. (I would have killed it though, I should not be trusted to look for spiders)

-Marinette really wanted to talk with Alya about the dream

-I liked this alynette, It was cute. Also Trixx voice in the dub is much more feminine. Meh I can take it or leave it.

-Alya is me with the phone.

-OH SNAP IT IS SHADOWMOTH!

-Alya really thought Nino was akumatizable from being dismissed. Well if THAT AINT FORSHADOWING FOR LATER IDK WHAT IS.

-Shadowmoth could have totally messed with her more.

-THE SPIDER GOT ITS OWN BUBBLE I CANT!

-So props to Shadowmoth here.

-Aww Nora remembers chat noir

- Marinette seeing the phone made me laugh

-Alya really just done with shadowmoth

-Plagg complaining about cheese

-Chat noir sees his friends in danger and jumps into action

-Well its good to see that chat noir gets to actually act.

-Huh... with Shadowmoth's plan it is actually working out that Marinette gave her the fox miraculous early. Credit where credit is due, that is actually really smart episode.

-Marinette goes from "Alya will figure this out" to "Ah damn it now i have to use the Rabbit" real quick.

-Alya is playing this close to this.

-Chat noir is on standby right now.

-ALYA JUST DID THE LADYBUG PLAN THING! I am starting to think anyone can do that now.

-Shadowmoth with the coffee cup. "NOT NOW" like a grumpy teacher.

-TRIXX EATS GRAPES ADORABLE.

-Okay so gotta say Alya was pretty clever.

-WOW CHAT... ummm okay. That was a large over reaction. I think the frustration is boiling a bit, maybe the last episode hit him WAY harder than we thought. Easy there kitty. Cant blame him for being angry but damn that was a bit of a tantrum, hopefully he got it out of his system

-"Ladybug will fix that later anyway" I mean he is probably right... but damn.

-Marinette moving in the bubble was funny

-So we finally get Marichat! YAY. and its comedic. Chat noir is finally listening.

-Rena rouge is KILLING IT WITH THE IMPERSONATIONS

-Rena Rouge... THAT IS BRILLIANT!

-Shadowmoth fell for that. Dumb butt

-Chat noir fighting Sentibubbler, nice to see the cat able to finally participate.

-Also Shadowmoth you weak bitch. Chat noir destroyed a chimney in his frustration, you just dented a wall. WIMP!

-And Shadowmoth tipped the scales with a cheap back shot. Well chat noir fought well... ish.

-...Chat noir you are a himbo. I love you, but you are so dumb.

-Okay Rena Rouge really earning MVP today

-OMG THEY CAN MUTE THE BUBBLE OF CHAT NOIR

-Ladybug calling in the Kaalki

-Pegabug is a decent design

-I am gonna say it, She should have used the pot to cover Shadowmoth's head. Snagged the miraculous AND the cup.

-Sentibubbler now on team bug

-Yea seriously this was not played well Pegabug

-So Chat noir chilled out after all that. He told her he was feeling down and that she proved she knew what she was doing. Okay that was cute.

-The Alyanette is STRONG Tonight.

-Gabriel threw a tantrum and Nathalie had to try and make him feel better

-I JUST REALIZED! THAT CHIMNEY IS STILL BROKEN!

__________________________________________________________

Okay so overall 9/10

I really thought they were gonna go harder with the trust eroding between Ladybug and Chat noir. But outside of that I LOVED everything else. Rena Rouge killed it this episode.

Chat noir destroying that chimney was a bit unexpected but I think its a sign that he is starting to reach his wits end with all of this secrecy. He still doesnt know Alya is a permanent miraculous holder. I guess my only complaint is that they could have expanded on it more.

[thr-333]

Drastic Measures- Part 2

@daminette-december2019-2020

~Swordplay~

To summarise: I will have the love square one way or another!

Ao3

First >Next 

--------------

As far as homes go it’s pretty good” Adrien stretches out, Plagg curls up next to him.

“Don't get too comfortable we’re going to be on the move,” Marinette types furiously at her computer.

“I will try my hardest,” Adrien stares blankly at her, sat atop a pile of grubby blankets next to a broken window. Marinette loses connection to her computer and slams it shut with a huff.

“Get some sleep I’m going to find an internet cafe,” Marinette stuffs the cheap laptop into her bag, amazing how something she bought at a hole in the wall place for thirty bucks didn’t work well.

“Who needs sleep when you can have coffee,” Adrian stands up, ready to follow her.

“Sleep Chat,” She pushes him down by the shoulders, “I need my partner fully operational,”

“Yeah kid, take a break, we worked hard,” Plagg yawns, turning over.

“You also worked hard Bug,” Adrien lets himself be pushed back onto the blankets.

“I won't be able to sleep until I know how everything is in Paris,”

“Neither can I,” Adrien protests, already half asleep.

“Sure you can, night Chat,”

“Night M’lady,”

Marinette leaves the same way they came in, though the window. She has to slide down the gutter to get on the street, Tikki hiding away in her bag. She has to go pretty far in town to find a suitable cafe, too far from Adrien to be comfortable. Marinette pops in her earbuds before opening her computer to let her talk to Tikki freely.

She doesn't immediately search up missing person cases. Looking instead at Paris tourist destinations and guides. Switching to the dangers of traveling to Paris; the only mention of Akuma being on obscure question and answer sites. She looks at kidnapping potential and then moves onto missing person cases. Adrien's is the first to come up, obviously. 

There was lots of outcry among his fans. Many were throwing around accusations of foul play on Gabriel's part from abuse to locking Adrien away from the world. However, Gabriel was also fiercely looking for his son. Adrien hadn’t left behind any sort of note. Well only to Nino, which Adrien had told Marinette was asked not to mention to anyone.

Marinette then feels safe enough to look up her own case. It was smaller, although was gaining attention as Jagged proclaimed it to high heavens; more so asking what they did wrong and how they could fix it and asking for any sightings of her. That could be a problem if her picture was already around. Marinette pulls her hood up higher. They might have to get haircuts and wear disguises… on second thought wearing suspicious disguises in Gotham might cause more problems.

“Tikki they seem really worried,” Marinette watches the videos Jagged posted, her parents in the background running around talking with police.

“Of course they are Mari,” Marinette feels a light tap on her side, “But you're doing the right thing,”

“No I’m not,” not when she’s watching a video of her parents crying,  “I’m doing what needs to be done, this is my responsibility, no matter what a certain someone thinks,”

She spits with venom. Maybe Adriens rant last night rubbed off on her.

“He’s the hero here,” Tiki says non accusingly, “Imagine if another hero came to Paris without asking you… remember Volpina?”

“Ah now that was an actual villain,” Marinette hadn’t trusted her from the start,  “Plus she was akumatized,”

“Marinette,” Marinette can’t bring herself to feel guilty, even under tikis scolding.

“Right but that still doesn't give him the right,” Marinette huffs, “After all would he attack Marinette? No!”

“Are you implying you would attack Lila?”

“......... no,”

“Marinette,”

Marinetti smirks to herself instinctively looking around for Adrien to share her joke. Then Marinette froze. The cafe was empty, not even a barista. How had she not noticed!?

“Wait,” Marinetti says out loud before Tiki could talk, “I’m going to have to call you back, something just came up,”

Something was watching her from the kitchen door as if she couldn’t see them. Marinette tries to act normal going for the pepper on the table and putting it on her food. They move at the same time. The attacker runs towards her, Marinette throws the shaker at- Robin?! It hits him square in the forehead, with a curse he touches his bleeding forehead.

“I am so sorry!” Marinette panics, “That was meant to explode in your face!”

“How is that better?!” Robin runs forward, sword drawn. Marinette ducks behind the table grabbing her plate and frisbeeing it towards him, he manages to dodge this one, “Draw your weapon coward!"

“I don’t have a weapon!” She grabs the table cloth ready to take the vigilante down, “What is wrong with you?!”

He doesn't answer lunging at her again with the sword. Marinette kicks up the table then kicks it towards him in one swift movement. With the impact of the table he drops the sword, Marinette jumps up landing on the table which pins Robin down to the ground with its weight and hers, with the legs sticking up.

“I knew it,” Robin spits and she presses her weight into the table to keep him pinned.

“Excuse you,” Marinette catches his wrist as he tries to pull a dagger on her using the table cloth to tie it to the legs of the table, then does the same with the other, “You attacked me,”

“-Robin!” she hears a faint call, no one is around so it must be from his communicator, “-Robin report back to the cave!”

“I’ll take that~” Marinette sings songs ignoring how he growls at her. She rolls her eyes stepping off the table she needed to get out of here now.

She steps out of the cafe throwing the communicator and likely a tracking device too on the roof of a passing car then sprints in the opposite direction. She heads for the alleys looking for an area with no cameras as she runs. When she finds a spot Marinette transforms running back to their base with record timing.

“Adrien wake up!” Ladybug jumps through the window, barely avoiding landing on him, “Batman’s after us,”

“What?!” He sits bolt upright, Ladybug pulls him onto his feet.

“Move! Now!” She grabs their bags, Adrien transforms and they take off over the rooftops.

“What happened?!” Chat shouts as the runaway, “Is Batman chasing us?”

“Yes, well kinda-- Robin tried to kill me,”

“He what?!”

“As Marinette,” She adds, slowing down as they should have put enough distance between them.

“Did they figure us out already?” Chat Noir slows down into a walk then collapses on the rooftop,

"Probably,"

“This is the worst wake up call ever!”

“Well, it's about to get worse,” Ladybug cringes feeling the distinct trace of magic she was all too familiar with.

“Akuma?”

“Akuma,”

“Great, perfect,” Chat complains standing back up.

“At least we’re not at school,” Ladybug shrugs, launching herself over a roof.

“No you’re right being chased by a masked vigilante is a massive improvement,”

---

Wow

“Robin! Get your head out of the clouds and get over here!”

Damian breaks out of his trance, regrettably tearing his gaze away from Ladybug to the much less awe inspiring sight of Batman trapped under a car. They shouldn’t be wasting their time worrying about these established amazing hero’s and worry about that assassin on the loose. Who knows who she was after. She could be planning Batman’s demise at this very moment; if she was close with his mother then surely she knew their identities which was far far more dangerous.

Ladybug could handle herself as evidence by her going toe to toe with the newest villain. In a matter of minutes, the villain was down for the count with no help on their part. 

“Ladybug!” He calls before she leaves again, maybe she could help him convince his father that he was being an absolute buffoon.

“Oh it’s you,” She says surprisingly coldly, “What do you want now?”

“Now?”

“Are, you here to attack me again?”

“... I didn’t attack you?” He had spent all morning tracking down a dangerous assassin.

“... Oh! Of course, you did- haha I just ummmm-- there must have been an… Akuma! Yes! There must have been an Akuma earlier that looked like you,”

“An Akuma was impersonating me?” Robin growls.

“Yeah, they do that sometimes,” Chat Noir pipes up, “It’s annoying,”

“Yes and if you’re here, that uh… that means the Akuma is still out there so we gotta go deal with that so-bye!” Ladybug swings off closely followed by Chat Nor; off to go save his name and reputation.

---

“So you really think that was an Akuma?” Adrien asks as they transform back.

“Maybe- I don’t know it was just an excuse so he wouldn't figure out my identity,”

“Well at least he doesn't know it,” Adrien shrugs as they walk through the alleys in search of a new place to rest that night.

“If he doesn't know then why would he attack Marinette?” She asks, “And if it was an Akuma that means Hawkmoth knows my identity which is so much worse!”

“Is it tho?”

“Chat,”

“I mean back in Paris it would have been bad,” They both cringe, “But here we have no home, no family, no friends! He cant use any of that against us now!”

Adrien beams his contagious smile.

“You always manage to find a bright side,” Marinette smirks punching him in the shoulder.

“So that's why,” They both turn around, staring in shock.

“Batman?!” Turning back their way out is already blocked by mister boy wonder. Who, by the way he is glaring at her, was not an Akuma this morning.

“I can't believe Talia called me because some teenagers were eloping,”

I know that name- WAIT!

“Eloping?!” Marinette chokes, “We are not eloping!”

“As in not at all,” Adrien blanches, “And I mean no offense Marinette you are literally the sweetest person but I can’t imagine anything more horrific!”

“Oh god, same!” At least now, “I mean once when we were younger…-- it was a silly crush!”

“Wait you had a crush on me?!”

“Yeah, well, you had a crush on me!”

“... oh god… I did, didn’t I?!”

While Adrien is dealing with that little revelation Marinette looks around for an escape. There isn’t much opportunity since both have their eyes on them, partly out of morbid curiosity at their little freakout. Well if you don't have a distraction homemade is fine.

“AKUMA!” They both look, predictably. 

Marinette grabs Adrien and runs. She goes for the side Robins guarding, sweeping his legs sending him crashing to the ground.

“I’m not sorry!” Marinette calls as they sprint down the alley.

Marinette heads for the main street, enough of a crowd to camouflage. As they are walking through as casually as possible Marinette sweeps them both for bugs putting any she finds on random passerbys. They walk sometimes ducking into busy shops in hopes of losing their trail. They come across the mall which works perfectly for them. They stay until it starts to approach closing time, it’s easy enough to avoid security and so they get locked in for the night.

“So what do you want to do?!” They walk through the empty halls Adrien skipping along and looking at each display. Marinette stops outside an electronics store, the tv’s still on and displaying the news.

“Make a plan for a way to deal with that,” On-screen are the two of them, a video of Ladybug throwing a car at Batman, “This is taken completely out of context!”

“What’s the context?” 

“Batman was being a little bitch!”

“I’m sure that will hold up in court,” Adrien laughs taking a seat in one of those massage chairs, “Besides what's the problem?”

“The problem?!” Marinette yells, “The problem is that now all of Gotham is going to hate us!”

“So? Do we really need them to like us?” Adrien gets up to stand by her, rubbing her shoulder.

“They did in Paris,”

“We’re not in Paris anymore,” Adrien says quietly, leading her towards the seats, “We have a chance to start new again, everyday something we haven't done before, a couple of pals living day to day on the edge, isn’t that exciting?”

“I just--” want to go home, “I’m tired,”

“Take a break,” Adrien sits her down in the massage chair with a kind smile, “I’ll keep watch,”

“.. ok,” Marinette curls up in the chair Tikki coming to lie beside her. With not much strength to fight it, Marinette falls asleep while she can.

-------------------------

Taglist? nope don’t have one, horrible at keeping track of them sorry~

[wisteria-lodge]

exploded bird + lion secondary (badger model)

Good afternoon Wisteria! I was hoping for your input with my sorting. This MAY become a novel, and i apologize ahead of time for that. Hopefully its interesting, if nothing else.

I am having trouble with both my primary and secondary. Ive thought i had it figured out so many times and then i would reanalyze myself and get confused. So i guess ill start with primaries. I can tell you for sure that i am not a snake primary. I just cant love another person quite like that. I grew up in a very snake primary environment and never felt i really fit in. I really appreciate snakes and i understand them, but i dont think i am one. I also very much pride myself on my individuality and dont bond to groups so i believe that may rule out badger. I think ive narrowed it down to exploded bird or really confused lion.

Interesting. So far so good. Let’s hear what you’ve got.

Right now in life, with all the information coming at me, all the data, all of the twists and turns, media bias, conspiracy theories, rabbit holes and objective realities, i cant figure out the truth.

… sounds like an Exploded Bird to me.

I think all theories are worth investigating and rabbit holes are fun. But i hate hypocrisy. And its everywhere.

I mean, everyone hates hypocrisy… but I think Birds find it *unforgivable.*

I cant organize all of this information.

Exploded Bird.

Dude. Whats gonna happen if deep fake becomes the norm?

eh, Photoshop has been the norm for a long time and we do okay. Some fakes have always been better than others, and there have always been fakes.

I feel like the safest thing to do is to fully understand myself. Then i can analyze and understand the world.

I would agree with that.

I would say that hands down i was an exploded bird, but i feel very strongly about things right away. But then i learn about them more and if my feelings were wrong, ok. Whatever.

This is still Bird. It’s not that Birds can’t feel strongly about things right away. They do, they just don’t feel safe TRUSTING those feelings. Instead they do… exactly what you’re describing here. Learn more, and then if it turns out their initial feelings were wrong… that’s fine, actually. The feelings are of secondary importance.

BUT i also WANT black and white. I want right and wrong. Grey, though necessary and true, bugs me.

… there’s a reason why I call young Birds Black-and-White Birds.

Deep down i crave to just understand something as it is. But one persons truth is not anothers. I get that. But it still bothers me in my bones.

That’s a very Bird primary angst. Birds can have this *fantasy* that if only everyone had all the information and thought it though properly, that everyone would come to the same (correct) conclusion. And then have to grapple with the fallout when they realize things don’t work that way. As a Lion… I’ve never had to fight that particular monster.

I can also seem like i make snap decisions based on feelings to others, but i just know what i want. If something sounds good, i want to do it. At that moment. No hesitation… i think im meshing into secondary territory here

I agree. Improvisational secondary, sounds like.

so ill just go with it. So my bedroom walls are lilac purple and my kitchen is BRIGHT yellow, because those colors sounded interesting. At that moment. I tend to jump into a project having no idea what im doing. I just thought it sounded like fun.

Comfortable making decisions on a whim, just jumping in. Very improvisational.

But thats not really a way to problem solve. When i start said project and then run into a problem, usually ill read about it, or ask someone who knows more than me. The “i know a guy” bird kind of applies here. I know how to make connections within my community and i plan for that. I think about who would be useful to know, based on my goals.

You know, this could be Bird. But I’m kind of skewing more Badger because of the emphasis on community and asking for help. And keeping an eye on ‘who is powerful, who is useful to know’ is a pretty common Badger secondary model manifestation.

But i dont think i build tools like a bird. In fact, binge watching videos on how to do something annoys me. Takes all the fun out of it.

I still think you’re an Improvisational secondary - and a Badger secondary model is *more* likely than a Bird secondary model.

I am always honest with people and i like that about me, but its not out of some need to stay true to myself. Its just because i have learned that honesty works the best most of the time.

So not Lion *primary* then. This is all about method. You don’t lie, because you don’t find it to be a very practical problem-solving method. Being very direct does work, so at this point… Lion is more likely than snake.

Now, dont get me wrong, i am an excellent liar. But only if its on the fly.

Hmm. Maybe a Snake who’s in neutral all the time?

This conflicts big time with my primary, however, so i rarely ever do.

Interesting. Lying conflicts with your (hypocrisy hating) Bird primary, so you don’t do it. Instead you are very direct, and that works well for you. You *can* lie (on the fly) but you generally don’t. Neutral Snake? Snake secondary model? Depending on how you define lying, could even be Courtier Badger. (I am ruling out constructed Actor Bird.)

I feel like ive gone all over the place in a highly disorganized way, so i will state that now i am going to give some anecdotal data. One time, as an adult, i was hanging out with a bunch of kids on a hayride. A little boy killed a butterfly. I was outraged. I called him out. I told him that he just took away the only life that creature would ever have and that was cruel.

Very loud Idealist primary.

This somehow turned into a question and answer school session about human biology, mammals and why on earth is water in a cup clear, but when you dive into the ocean, its blue?

Some kind of social secondary… and I know the obvious thing is to say 'trotting out a lot of facts, that’s bird.’ But I’m seeing you defuse a situation by leveraging your immediate community (Q&A session)? Badger.

I like being the person that gets the scary bugs out of the house because i feel brave when i do.

Sounds pretty Lion secondary.

When in an emergency situation i completely disconnect and become a calm, knowledgeable person.

This is actually a pretty common just, human thing. When things get bad enough, your lizard brain takes over, and everything is very calm and dreamlike.

I suddenly magically know what needs to be done and work with my environment.

Improvisational secondary.

Im also very aware of how everyone else is doing in that situation and i have an innate need to make people feel better so im usually the first to lighten the mood. Ill focus on others before myself if im hurt. Im more aware of how they are doing than how i am doing and i will make an effort to help them first.

Ah yes, the 'tend and befriend’ threat response. Very familiar. And yeah, going from this description I’m going to say very social badger.

In video games… skyrim is best here i think. I want to be a sneaky mage thief. But when something attacks me, without thinking i run right up to it and hit it with my fists without armor.

lol lion. (The classic Badger secondary strategy is BUFF ARMOR. I always play tanks.)

But i get really sad if its an animal.Those wolf whimpers get to me every time.

No one likes the wolf whimpers.

Ok. Ok. Ive rambled enough. Thank you for reading! Any input is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Exploded Bird, easy. And probably a Lion secondary with a very social Badger secondary model that’s working well for you.

[boognish-worshipper]

Moonlight

the second part/continuation of Sunrise, Sunset!

this boutta get interesting……. it gets kinda messy but don’t worry, it isn’t over yet 🙏🙏🙏 also trevor can’t spell over text to save his life

//

Lamar didn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t. He just kept thinking the whole situation over, trying his hardest to connect the dots. Make some sense of it, or at least find some logical way to deny the truth. Had it always been Franklin? It’s not like Lamar ever had a long term girlfriend, or even a chick he was hung up on like his… friend. How long had he been completely naïve? He felt stupid for not noticing sooner. He didn’t even have anyone to confide in. He obviously couldn’t confide in Frank right now. Shit. How would he face him? Lamar screwed his eyes shut tight. What the fuck was he gonna do? He tried thinking about who to turn to. Michael was obviously a no-go, what with the dynamic those two had. Then he thought about Trevor. Maybe he’d help. Maybe. It wouldn’t hurt to just ask, right?

hey

crazy guy

wut leroy. u need smthn?

uh, yeah

sort of

wut iz it?

some complicated bs again. nothin new.

cant u go 2 frank 4 whtevr prblm ur having

not exactly

can i meet u somewhere private?

wut 4

u tryna fuk me leroy?

loco. no.

jus. meet me @ vanilla unicorn asap

Lamar sighed heavily, starting to wonder if this was gonna be a bad idea to try and talk to him about this. But Trevor was kinda fruity anyway, so at least he wouldn’t judge. His phone buzzed again.

alrdy hear bro

Lamar raced over to the strip club, going through the back entrance. Trevor was sitting on his desk, already waiting for Lamar’s arrival.

“LD! What brings you to my fine establishment at this time?” He stood up, but remained leaning against the desk behind him.

“Listen man, it’s.. it’s serious.”

Trevor’s faced lifted, looking surprised. Or.. whatever concerned looked like by his terms.

“How serious we talkin’ bro?”

“Ion know, just some stupid shit I’ve been tryna wrap my head around.”

“Uhh, elaborate on that?”

“It’s gotta do with Fr-…eaky shit going on with me.”

Trevor squinted at him, like he was trying to read Lamar’s mind.

“Like..?”

“Something to do with love, I think?”

“Oh. Well. Why’d you come to me for help?”

“Because I..” He said, the words deflating in his mouth.

“I think you’re the only person who could understand where I’m coming from?”

“…I’m not reading ya. Just say it, Lamar. Jeez.”

“I think I’m in love with someone.”

A long pause filled the air with tension.

“That it?”

“Well, not exactly.”

“Jesus bro, what is the matter with you right now? You look like you’re gonna faint.”

“It’s, it’s someone we know, alright? There.”

Trevor squinted his eyes again, but not for long. His eyebrows flew to his hairline, and he stood upright from the desk he was perched on.

“Wait a minute…”

Lamar looked down at the ground, embarrassment swirling around in his stomach. He felt like some child that had been yelled at for stealing some candy. He didn’t like it. He was a grown fuckin’ man for crying out loud.

“You don’t mean..”

He stood there, saying nothing and grabbing his arm protectively. The silence was back, lingering for too long.

“I fuckin’ knew it.” Trevor said, almost inaudible.

“Wh.. what?” Lamar spluttered out, looking up.

“I fucking knew it!”

Somehow hearing those words comforted and pissed off Lamar. Obviously Trevor wasn’t planning on judging him for it, but how did he know before him?

“What the fuck you mean you knew?!”

“Oh please, Lamar. You aren’t a very subtle person.”

“I am too!”

“No. You’re not. You’re really not.”

“Tell me. How, how am I not subtle as a motherfucker?”

“Hmm… I can think of a few instances to count, but honestly a perfect example was that conversation we had dropping those cars off for he-who-shall-not-be-named.”

Lamar cocked his head sideways, confused. Trevor shook his head before starting his sentence back up.

“Remember when you ah… inquired about Michael and I? Our past?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“You compared us to some.. I don’t know, divorced couple or something. Figuring it was romantic?” He averted his gaze, turning pink.

“Well, I mean after the whole rundown of our partnership, I asked you about how you and our boy Frankie met.”

“Mhm..”

“And you gave me some weird, uncomfortable story about you having a threesome with him- Which he apparently wasn’t even apart of to begin with. Didn’t know why he even appeared in that memory, but I guess it sort of makes sense now. It was also the fact you.. uh, deciphered my relationship, and tried to compare it to you and Frank. That’s how I started to catch on.”

“Shit.”

“I mean I… I was in the same boat as you, kid. You were right, y’know.”

“I was?”

“Michael and I… were never perfect. But back then I was,” His voice lowered.

“…Am.” He corrected, voice barely above a whisper. Coughing, he continued.

“In love with him. Or something.”

“Shit, for real?”

“For reals homie. I know what you’re going through. Only difference is Mikey uh.. was a little more repressed than I was. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

Lamar stood in shock, eventually flopping down on the couch.

“What the fuck am I gon’ do, Trevor?”

“Well, I know I’m friends with him but I’m not exactly as close to him as you or Mike. So I can’t exactly say whether or not he’s like Michael in that regard, you know?”

“Fuck, man…”

“Hey.. I uh, I’m sorry if I wasn’t much help. I never really knew how to deal with those feelings towards Mike. It’s like, even harder to manage when you have a bond like that.”

“No, no. I needed this I think.”

“Go home, Lamar. Try to get some rest or something.”

As he got up, he placed a hand on Trevor’s shoulder.

“Thanks.”

For the first time since they met, Trevor gave him a genuine smile. He patted his hand and scooted him out the door. Driving back, he still felt sort of restless. Even if he did sleep, it wasn’t gonna be enough. When he got back home and in his bed, he pulled out his phone.

So you’re back.

yup

i thought about what you said

Wait - really?

yeah. i’m a fuckin idiot

Doesn’t take a psychic to know that.

hey

that’s uncalled for lady

What is it you need? It’s very late you know - is what I said keeping you up?

bingo bitch

and uh yeah, i need to know what the fuck u said to franklin

what does he know?

All I told him was that I saw you at his house - very frequently I might add.

I might’ve mentioned you were there in his old room all the time, in his bed with someone he knew - an older woman, perhaps? He didn’t take it too well.

wait a minute

his auntie? i mean she bad and all but

i never.. like did anything with her. not like that

He thought differently. The implications might’ve been misread - why would you choose his childhood bed for something like that? Shame on you

and i might’ve picked the wrong fuckin person to speak to

lady, what the fuck? i never fucked his auntie!

i wouldn’t do that to him, even if she got a dumptruck ass

You are a strange man Lamar. All I saw was you two in his bed, very, very often.

I wouldn’t have known you felt anything for him had you not contacted me - and even now you still made a pass at her!

all we did was talk! n there’s nothing wrong wit admiring ass.

Whatever you say - oh wait…

I’m seeing something

goddammit

it better be good

I’m seeing you two again - and you’re right. You’re talking… about Franklin?

why else would we be in his room. if i was gon fuck his auntie we would’ve done it in hers or sumn

or in the livin room maybe.

I’m seeing something else now - he’s taken the place of his aunt. Oh. Wow…

what? what is it?

what do u see?

I… completely misinterpreted Franklin’s reading. It seems like it was supposed to be him in her place.

I’m not sure how he read it exactly - my best guess was that it wasn’t the latter.

And seeing as he no longer lived there, the vision got mixed up some how for both of us. You did have some connection to her though - don’t lie. That was most likely the problem.

i mean yeah. i hit on her a couple times

maybe thought it about it once or twice

More than that.

whatever. still, i ain’t do shit to her, ion stoop that low lady

Then I apologize. But I cannot fix this problem for you - you’re going to have to talk things out

Because right now, he’s assuming you’re acting weird because you actually *did* something with his aunt.

Fuck me man

this sucks

ur evil lady, u know that?

Hey, I’m not the one hanging out with his aunt. Now go to bed. I’ll deal with you another time.

hey wait

come back

SERVICE UNAVAILABLE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.

“God fuckin’ damn it not again!”

He chucked his phone against the wall, and began yelling into his pillow. He wasn’t gonna sleep right at all until he fixed this mess. Fucking psychic lady.

The next morning when Lamar passed by his mirror he audibly gasped. He looked like shit. He looked like he was definitely hiding something. And he knew he couldn’t see Frank today. His phone buzzed and as soon as he glanced down he felt the urge to throw it across the room. Speak of the fuckin’ devil. Franklin was fucking calling him. Taking a deep breath, he hit answer.

“Yo.”

“Hey L. How you feelin’?”

“Better. Thanks.”

“Yeah man. You know what was up wit’ you or…”

“I.. I think it was some sort of stomach bug man. Doin’ alright now tho.”

“Glad to hear.”

“So are you callin’ me for something or-“

“Actually yeah. I wanted to talk to you.”

“N-now?”

“Later. Sunset? That cool wit’ you?”

“Uh yeah, yeah. Heard it’s a full moon.”

“Dope. Been meaning to talk about this for a while anyway, and you always dragging me around to go see the sunrise.”

“Makes sense.” More sense than the shit he was in the middle of.

“See you then?”

“Of course dog.”

Click. Lamar dropped his shoulders, which had grown tense during the duration of the call. He didn’t have a whole lot of time to understand what he was dealing with better. He thought to himself that he couldn’t possibly be gay, because he loved himself some hoes now and then. But at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel the same around Franklin. Women and men… was that possible? Could you be into men AND women? He looked it up on his phone, and found a definition that fit him. Bisexual? That’s a thing? He thought it was just, gay and straight. That you couldn’t be both. But… at least that was accounted for. Putting his phone away, he moved on to the next part of the puzzle. What was he going to do when night time came? He couldn’t straight up tell Franklin. That would ruin everything. But how would he explain that he didn’t fuck his Aunt? He had to have a reason to back it up. Either way, he was screwed.

Night came too quick. Lamar kept pacing his room, not taking his eyes off his phone that rested on his bed. Any minute Frank would call him. Any fucking minute now. He still didn’t have a plan. What was he going to do? The phone lit up, buzzing loudly. Oh no. He practically dove to answer it, feigning a nonchalant tone. It wasn’t very impressive.

“Heyyy Frank. I was waiting for word from you.”

“Hey. I’m on my way, be ready.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“See you in 5 L.”

Even after Frank hung up, he didn’t lower the phone from his ear. Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, ohshit. He was panicking now, phone dropping to the floor. Not noticing how long he was standing there, he heard a car pull up, then honk. Oh, shit. He raced out the door clumsily, trying to shove his phone in his pocket. Opening the car door, he was hit with the now overwhelming scent of Franklin. Something along the lines of weed and the same cologne he’d be buying for years. He remembered how Tanisha had gotten it for him back when they first started dating as a gift. The detail only made him more nauseous.

��Hey LD.”

“Hey.”

“Get in homie, I got a good spot for us, real sick view n shit.”

“Ah.. aight.”

The car ride wasn’t entirely awful for Lamar, listening to Collard Greens play loudly through the speakers. Franklin had taken them to some secluded spot near Vespucci beach, where no one would bother them. As they got out of the car, Lamar got a clear view of the sunset. It was even better than a sunrise. They found a bench to sit on, and Lamar felt like there wasn’t enough space between them. Did it magically fucking shrink as soon as they sat down? Shit. He cleared his throat, trying to seem neutral and not like he was internally freaking the fuck out.

“So uh… what’d you need to talk to me about?”

Franklin sighed, and Lamar’s stomach was in knots.

“It’s.. just somethin’ I been thinkin’ about for a while. I really jus’ didn’t know how to bring it up or whatever. But let’s jus’ enjoy the sunset right now.”

In contrast to how every sunrise went, the sunset contained shades of pinks and purples. There were also mixed shades of green, from the combination of yellow and blue clashing together. It was a miraculous sight. Frank was right, why didn’t they see sunsets more often? He watched the light sink down past the water, replaced by moonlight not much later. The two sat in silence, as stars filled the sky. The view had grown darker, but he could see the moonbeam reflect in the calm waves. He turned to Franklin, who had a serene expression on his face. He was blue in the moonlight, and it made Lamar feel all kinds of things he never felt for anyone before. Franklin side-eyed him, sitting upright. Here goes nothing.

“Lamar… I just. I gotta ask. I uh.. heard from someone,” Fucking psychic lady.

“That you uh.. and my.. Denise. My Aunt. Were uh.. you were at my house or something with her?”

Lamar eyes were wide. Franklin looked anywhere but him, clearly uncomfortable bringing the topic up. He kept tripping over his words, not knowing how to ask.

“Are.. and I won’t be mad if you are, but are you… and my Aunt.. Are y’all foolin’ around?” He scrunched his face up getting the words out. He almost looked hurt, like he was betrayed at the thought of it all.

“What?”

“Are you fuckin’ my Auntie or what man?!” He forced out.

“Franklin. What.”

He knew the psychic lady had said he got the wrong idea, but hearing it out loud from him was just mind boggling.

“Jesus Christ Franklin, no. I’m not! Why would you even think that?!”

Now he felt hurt. Did he really think Lamar would do something like that?

“You say shit about her all the fuckin’ time! I don’t even know why, because she’s fuckin’ nuts man! I have heard a million and one remarks about her from yo bitchass self!”

“Yeah but I would never-“

“And in my fuckin’ bed man?! Are you for real?!”

“I’m not fucking her! I never was!”

“That’s not what I fuckin’ heard dog! And don’t think I haven’t noticed how weird you’ve been actin’, all guilty n shit. I knew you were hidin’ shit from me, I jus’ didn’t think it’d be my absolute worst fuckin’ nightmare!”

“Franklin! For fucks sake bro that’s not why I’ve been actin’ so weird!”

“Then tell me, exactly, what the hell your problem is!”

Lamar’s mouth hung open, looking for what the fuck to say.

“Homie. It’s not like that. I’m seriously, seriously not fucking her. I’m… just-”

“What, Lamar?!”

“I think I’m in love.”

Shock covered Franklin’s face. Complete, utter shock. His face then twisted into a furious expression.

“Are you fuckin’ for real right now? You’re not fuckin’ my Aunt, you’re in love with her?! Fuck you man!”

“Wait, no that’s not what was I was implying-“

Franklin shot up from his seat, throwing his hands up.

“You’ve officially lost yo mind dog. You two enjoy each other. I’m fuckin’ out of here bro.”

“Franklin, wait-“

“No, no. I.. I need to go. I need to clear my mind or whatever the fuck, because I am just… unbelievably pissed right now.”

“But I’m not-“

“Save it, LD. I’ll… catch you later. Or something. Bye.”

Franklin walked back to his car, abandoning Lamar. Some how, this was worse than confessing to him. He felt sick to his stomach. How the hell was he gonna fix this mess? He remained seated, watching the water lap at the shore. He needed to fix this. And he knew, although he wish he didn’t have to, that’d he’d have to come clean. He didn’t want to ruin his friendship, and some how still did by just not blurting it out. Soon. Soon, after Franklin was ready to talk to him again. He prayed to a higher being, hoping desperately it’d all work out.

//end of pt 2!!!!! i’m sorry this is kinda angsty or whatever :( but i am gonna write a happy ending for this!! lamar deserves the world i love his character sm *sobs* (also sorry this part’s longer than the last one LMAO)

[og-danny-dorito]

{ Some SFW Tamaki Headcanons For Your Daily Dose Of Somft™}

OKAY hi hello, I know I've been gone for a while but I'm kinda back now since ive had a burst of inspiration lately for no reason in particular. This is partially cause I actually just finished watching BNHA and good lord, let me tell you bro- I have WAY too many thoughts about this dude for it to be a normal infatuation so here we go! -w-;

- FIRST of all, I'm like 90% sure this dude listens to like really soft cute music like Lofi remixes or those rlly cute anime openings that give off Soft Boy vibes???

- he's like a soft person in general already so its kindof a given. he really likes pastel colors a whole lot for that reason cause they're more muted and subtle and aren't completely overbearing

- he actually owns like, 40 oversized pastel sweaters with various prints and designs on them for that reason. that and oversized soft sweaters are year-round

- most of his clothes are kinda oversized though?? like if you've watched the anime and can see how his shirt fits him I'm like 90% sure it's like a size bigger than it should be (his natural size is a medium in men's, I'm assuming, since he's like canonically 5'9" and not really muscular). his hero costume is also a little bigger than it should be in some areas and it fits around him like a big blanket

- there are MULTIPLE reasons for this imo, but the main two are that he's A) self conscious and therefore less confident in things that fit him better, and B) likes feeling like things aren't constricting him like tight shirts do

- on the self-conscious point, he already has issues with about like 500 other things that concern himself, so why not physical???

- let me explain- his form is naturally slim, which means that he hasn't really ever been as physically muscular as the other heroes (mostly cause his quirk burns up most of his calories and he has a naturally fast metabolism), and is consistently reminded of it

- he doesn't want other people to think of him as less or weaker in the general public because he doesn't look as physically strong as the other heroes, so he wears clothes that aren't very form fitting to hide this fact and therefore avoid the possibility of criticism of is physical features

- also, you're on tumblr, the land of people who are or have been physically self conscious for whatever reason, so it's pretty safe to assume that you've worn/wear oversized clothing. do you know how comfy they are??? it's like being wrapped in a formless blanket that makes it feel as if you arent able to be subject to criticism from others. it's literally the BEST

- his closet really just consists of things that are bigger than him really, but he does have some skinny jeans and a few formal outfits that fit him properly. his figure is actually kind of cute in a way since he's more on the slim/muscular side but if you EVER tell him he looks handsome in something that's more fitting than he ususally wears he will have a slightly boosted self confidence but amplified anxiety, no exceptions

- but he doesnt really like receiving compliments to be honest, and there's a few reasons for that

- as a kid not many people talked to him so he would occasionally be subject to being outcast by others. as a child he knew that when the teachers were being too nice to him by complimenting his work or talking too him too much that it was out of pity. he felt like he was being patronized out of personal obligation to be inclusive and not in personal interest, so he still has some remnants of that mentality due to having grow up with that

- being given a serious and genuine compliment isn't something he's used to and quite frankly he might be a little uncomfortable if he doesn't know you very well

- if, however, he knows you well and trusts that your comments aren't out of spite or ill-intent, his face usually turns a bright shade of red as he either A) stutters out a nervous thank you or B) hides his face in his hands and refuses to say anything until it's subsided

- he'll usually try to compliment you back, even though its hard to hear over his incredibly soft voice. it's usually something about how nice you are or how he doesn't understand how someone like you can think that way about him, but he secretly really likes feeling like someone cares and appreciates him

- speaking of soft voices, I'm almost entirely convinced that he can sing. since he doesn't really go out with friends in his spare time since he basically only has two close ones, he usually either trains or, alternatively, sings

- its more of a subconscious thing to him to sing along when his favorite song is on, but he only does it when he's alone. the thing is that he thinks his voice is horrible since he hasn't had any extensive formal education in music and generally doesn't try that much to refine his skills manually but his singing voice is like, literally angelic

- seriously, if you get this man to sing 'Heather' by Conan Grey its like listening to some sort of ethereal being trying to lull you to sleep

- its not like he'd ever do this in public because of his anxiety and insecurities, but asking him nicely and swearing you won't tell anyone about it usually gets him to do it, albeit kinds shyly at first. it takes some working up to really, from him nervously singing gently to a song while his back is turned to you to just starting to hum along to songs by habit while you're around

- the only time he really does it to his own violation can be when you're sick (he cant say no to someone who's injured, it makes him feel terrible), when you're about to fall asleep, or even when he forgets that he's around other people and is doing some sort of chore or task around the house

- mentioning it to others makes him even more embarrassed than physically possible, and he usually covers his ears to mask the sounds of your praise about him. he hates drawing attention to himself and simply cannot Deal™ with the compliments he's receiving

- this is amplified if you're in a romantic relationship with him since, lets be completely honest here, he's literally never been in a relationship before

- I mean like, if that one girl who was with him for a week in 5th grade counts for anything, then I guess he's been in one before but other than that he has no experience

- how does he accept compliments? how do you genuinely love him?? should he dress better when around you???? oh god, do you secretly hate a bunch of things about him and only like him because he's a good hero????

- there's literal pages in his search history dedicated to is panicked questioning about what he should do if you haven't told him you love him in more than a week, what he should do if he accidentally calls you the wrong name while making out/having sex, when it's acceptable to talk about getting a plant together without seeming like he wants to get married in that instant, etc.

- for this it doesn't matter whether or not you're experienced since its good both ways! someone who isn't experienced could help ease his nerves a bit since hey, you might not really know what you're doing ether, so you're both gonna mess up. if you're a little more experienced then you can help show him the ropes and probably might help him improve in future relationships if you ever decide you don't want him anymore. both win-win situations basically

-  it also doesn't really matter if you're male, female, or anything else since he's demisexual panromantic. your personality is basically the most important aspect to him, even though he still thinks you have the face of a god/goddess

- the first few weeks of the relationship are basically him figuring out when its okay to touch you and/or ask for you to touch him since he doesn't want to scare you off with how affectionate he can be

- and when I say affectionate, I mean like a full out cuddle-bug

- Tamaki is straight up touch starved so like jot that down. like high key he really didn't have much physical affection as a child and even now can’t really figure out how to do it since he doesn't have any experience with it. he still craves physical affection though, and consistently

- a good way to tell that he wants affection is that he sticks a little bit closer to you during the day. not exactly under your feet, but still in your space when he knows its appropriate. usually just giving him a long hug or hdoling his hand in private helps to alleviate it a little bit, but his favorite way to get affection is to sit down and either sit in your lap or have you sit in his lap

- the reason I say private though is because PDA makes him nervous. it already kinda draws attention to the two of you since the act of PDA is basically outing a relationship on display and that alone makes him nervous, so he usually avoids it unless its in a barely populated park, a quiet cafe, etc.

- so in public he's probably gonna stick close but not outwardly hold your hand by himself, but behind closed doors he's basically hanging on you wherever and however he can

- can you really blame him for liking you as much as you do? I mean you're patient with him, you genuinely like him, and you're so sweet that he doesn't even know what to do with himself. that, and you're super fascinating to observe

- not,,,- he doesn't mean that in a creepy way I swear. he means it like- he means that he likes watching you work because the way you move around catches his interest. part of his training is observing others and he already does it a lot due to being more of that type of person by default, so he can tell a lot about you just by watching you do simple tasks such as cleaning the floor or doing some work you need to get done

- his observance makes him a great partner when it comes to remembering small things about you like your favorite color, how you do your hair in the mornings, what your favorite band(s) is/are, and more! expect him to bring you small gifts that reminded him of you because of something you said four months ago at a very specific time and a very specific date and a very specific location

- this applies to anyone that he really knows or pays special attention to really, but you're one of those people that he subconsciously has encyclopedic knowledge of because he thinks about you so much all the time

- anyway, we're getting to the end so lets get to my favorite part of the list- miscellaneous headcanons! :

he really likes Conan Grey and Lofi remixes of songs that he likes since they're more on the calming side and less intense and help his nerves go down if he's feeling anxious

when he does get severely anxious he curls into a ball and pulls at his ears and cries. he's unresponsive for this time but usually just letting him calm down after a little bit on his own or telling him softly to listen to you helps

he likes insectariums a while lot, specifically the butterfly rooms where you can walk through and let them fly around you. for some reason they tend to be more prone to lighting on him than anyone else, even though he only really wears dark colors and doesn't make an effort to get them around him

he has some purple fairy lights set up above his bed in his room that look like glowing butterflies cause he thought they were cute

he's incredibly good at cooking complex and simple dishes since he usually has to eat large amounts of certain things for his ability, and almost always cooks for the two of you if you're staying long enough to eat with him. he's arguably one of the best home-taught chefs at UA besides Bakugo even though they specialize i different areas of cooking basically

- well, it looks like thats the end for this list! Tamaki is such a sweet dude, really. being his friend or lover is like having a cheerleader, an endlessly loyal supporter, and an eternally loving partner (and more) all rolled into one. once you've been nice to him like once he's automatically favoring you over others. it may be hard to try to help him get more comfortable with the things he's anxious with, but he's a fast learner and if it makes you happy it makes him happy too

- Be careful with him, and you've got a friend for life!

[ ~Thank You For Reading, and if you think I missed anything please let me know in the notes or in my inbox. Any feedback is heavily appreciated!~ ]

[beyoncesdragon]

title: a handsome distraction

→Pairing: Jimin x Female!Reader (Choi Yeonjun has a lil cameo but not really, just kinda)

→Summary: You hate math because you can’t do it and Jimin hates math because he can’t do you. 

→Warnings: just a few swear words, but other than that, you’re safe! It’s Fluff!! Except you have an allergic reaction whenever there is math involved, then I’d suggest you continue with precaution.

→Wordcount: 2.2k

a/n: Some Jimin fluff because I want a Park Jimin to annoy me during math class...but we cant always have what we wish for. Therefore we write it.  

Masterlist | BTS Masterlist 

You were having a hard time.

Harder than usually, and considering that you were currently doing math, that was alarming. Even more because it wasn’t even because of the subject you were being taught through another zoom class. It also wasn’t because your internet was lagging more than usually and now the video wasn’t always perfectly in sync with the audio. It wasn’t the fact that you hated math with a passion, and already gave up on the subject four years ago either.

The thing that was giving you a hard time was a lot more handsome than the bland equation you were trying to solve with the teacher. Or rather, you were watching her solve it whilst you just copied everything that appeared on the screen, not quite knowing why she decided to multiply this x with the other one or how in the hell she discovered a binominal in between this whole mess.

The thing that was distracting you also went by the name of Park Jimin, your boyfriend, talented singer, dancer, hardworking man and performer, song writer and fashion icon and current cause of the headache that was starting to form behind your temples.

“Jimin! Can you finally stop this?!” you hissed through your teeth, wiggling his foot off your lap before pulling the couch table a bit closer.

You were currently seated on the floor, back resting against the couch and all of your school stuff spread out around you. Your laptop was propped up on another stack of books because you had been too lazy to clear the whole table and there was a little pile, scribbled full with notes and terms and unsuccessful attempts of solving various mathematical problems. So far you had however only created new problems and instead of leaning something new, you felt like someone pressed the reboot button half way through the lesson without backing up the hardware.

Long story short: it was a mess and Jimin wasn’t helping at all.

“Jimin please! I’m trying to work here. I’m trying to pay attention for once.” Jimin just snickered, flopping down on the couch behind you.

“You’ve been on it for hours now.” Well, that was the point of classes, wasn’t it. Not that Jimin could relate anymore, since he already graduated (a thing he wouldn’t dream of letting you forget). “You’re shamelessly exaggerating again. It has not even been one and a half hour and you spent the first forty minutes sleeping anyways.” Jimin just shrugged, propping his face up on his hands, curiously peeking from behind you onto the screen. He reminded you of a curious cat and you had to hold back a smile (a calico cat, perhaps?). However, since the two of you had been ordered to keep the relationship as low key as possible, you couldn’t just let him do that. As cute as he might looked with his ruffled hair and baggy clothes.

“Get out of the frame, they will see you.” he huffed, flicking your nose before tossing around again and sitting up. “I bet I was the most interesting thing they got to see in those six hours you’re ignoring me now.” You groaned, attempting to throw a pen at him.

“I’m done in twenty five minutes Jimin. Can you please…”

“Are there any questions so far?” the voice of your teacher cut you off and you snapped back to the screen. It seemed like all eyes were on you (though you obviously couldn’t tell) and you felt the tinge of embarrassment tickling your cheeks. You shook your head and went back to taking notes.

In the meantime, Jimin took it upon himself to be as noisy as possible whilst preparing a cup of tea. He slammed the cupboard door shut with way to much force, banged the cup against the counter dangerously hard and had a dirty grin on his lips when you flinched.

“Jagi, where did you put the tealeaves again?” he then suddenly yelled, though there was no need to yell, you literally had an open kitchen and were in direct sight. You flinched again, looking up at him with a frown. “Bottom left drawer, like always. What are you even talking about.” All that could be heard was a chuckle. It took him exactly half an equation later to interrupt you again.

“Can you hold my cup please, I don’t want it to tip over.” You stared at him blankly. “Seriously Jimin?” He shrugged. “That, or watch the love of your life burn his fingers off.” You shook your head. “Or the love of my life finally gets a grip on himself and gets a proper kettle like every normal human being would. He just grinned smugly before shrugging it off. You twirled your pen in your hand, reaching for the laptop to unmute yourself and ask a question, when…

“Where is the honey again?” you huffed frustrated, sitting back. “Left, top shelf. Jesus Christ…no left…Jimin, left.” You repeated, taking your eyes from the screen completely.

“Miss Y/L/N is there something you would like to ask?” you cringed at the call and quickly unmuted yourself to reassure your teacher that everything was fine, when Jimin took it upon himself to answer for you.

“AH thank you Jagi, you’re too kind…is your math thing finally over? That one equation is taking you guys ages.” your eyes widened before you quickly mumbled an apology and muted your audio again. Over the rim of your screen you sent a Jimin a glare that made him choke up on his tea.

It however failed to prevent him from walking over and sitting next to you, clearly holding back his laughter. He reached out for your hand and pressed a quick kiss on your knuckles.

“Sorry Jagi. I miss you.” you just shook your head, eyes trained on the screen. “I figured Jimin.” That was all you said before pressing your lips back together. You could only hope the professor hadn’t picked up on what Jimin had been implying and wasn’t hurt. Goddess, this was so embarrassing and this little shit knew it.

“You know…it’s just because I don’t have many free days like this, therefore it just sucks to have you occupied the whole time if there is one…” you sighed deeply, shaking your head. “I said twenty five minutes Jimin.”

He managed to sit still for maybe five. Then he started to play with your unoccupied hand again, before he suddenly dipped down and settled his head on your thigh. “Can I?” you looked down on him eyebrows slightly risen. “Lay on my thighs? Sure, but don’t pull any stunts or you sleep on the couch tonight.” Jimin laughed quietly, innocently peeking up at you. “I would never. And if I would, I’m sure you would enjoy it anyways. You always do.” You left that uncommented and only briefly pressed your index finger against his lips. “Shush  Jimin.”

After just a few minutes you had your hands in his hair already, absentmindedly playing with a few strands. He sighed happily before starting to draw little circles against your hip, humming quietly.

“You must be the most noisy rice cake there is.” Was all you pushed out before dramatically flying backwards against the couch Jimin gasped in fake outrage. The call finally ended and you felt like someone had fried your brain and your nerves in those two periods. Jimin sat up instantly, grabbing his now empty tea cup, before strolling towards the kitchen.

“Yah, no need to get personal. At least I don’t suck at math.” He retorted with a cocky expression, and this time you threw the pen for real.

“Wow, but you tell me not to get personal?” You stretched your body with a yawn before giving him a firm look. “You know what? I in this case I liked TXT’s performance better than yours.” It was completely off topic, but you needed something to bug him with. After those two painful lessons of math and Jimin you felt like you deserved that. And, it worked.

“Wait what? Which one?”

“MMA.” Jimin almost tripped over his own feet. “I beg you pardon? Better than our MMA Show? 2019? Are we on the same page?” You had troubles holding back your laughter at his obvious outrage. With a coy wink into his direction, you confirmed.

“Why so surprised? Yeonjun can rap…and also he has super pretty lips.” You shrugged, a lazy grin appearing on your lips. “You like his lips? He is too young for you!”

“You’re only four years older, dumbass.” with those words you got up and walked towards the kitchen as well. As you passed him, you placed a firm smack on the dancers butt before reaching for a cup to fetch yourself a cup of tea too.

Jimin had his arms crossed over his chest, a frown etched on his face as he watched you wordlessly, a mixture of disbelieve and outrage on his face.

“Are you sulking now?” you asked, turning around to him whilst the tea was steeping.

“Can you seriously blame me? You just admitted to like a guy that started as a rookie when I already debuted for a whole year…” you rolled your eyes. “Jimin!” but he wasn’t done just yet. “And you said I can’t rap!” you gave him a pointed look, turning to stir your tea for a second.

“I never said that, I know you can.” Jimin just shook his head.

“You said that he can rap, as in; other than you, he can rap.” He pouted like a little kid and you were having a hard time taking him serious. He just looked a tad too cute and too cuddly in that oversized shirt of his. “Oh my god Jimin…”

He turned on his heel with a dramatic flip of hair and strutted away towards the living room area. You heard him mumble to himself in annoyance as he approached your laptop, opening the device with a quick motion.

“What was your password again?” he asked, not even looking up. “It’s the date of your debut…”

“In letters or numbers?”

“Numbers.” He just nodded, a firm scowl on his face. “I’m almost surprised it isn’t TXT’s debut date.” He remarked sassily, unlocking your laptop with a pointed click of his index finger. You only shook your head, grabbed your mug and walked over to him. “Damn, you really are going there, hm?”

“What? You started it. Freaking Yeonjun out of all people…I will hit him when I see him again.” You chortled at his response, shaking your head. “Would you rather have me gushing over Yoongi?” he immediately shook his head.

“No that would be weird…wait do you mean Yoongi is cute?” a new wave of outrage shook that tiny body as he whipped around to look at you.

“Do you not think that?” he halted for a second, tilting his head. “Well obviously I do, but I am not my girlfriend.” You couldn’t only laugh at that. “Are you not? Wouldn’t have figured that out.”

“And on top of all of that, you said that they had a better MMA Performance than we had! Speaking of, ours wasn’t just a performance, we blessed you with an entire experience. How can you even compare that.” You giggled helplessly at your enraged boyfriend, opening your arms for a hug.

“Relax, baby. I was only joking.” He huffed in response, turning away dramatically. “No can do. I can’t believe I’ve been backstabbed like that. By my own girlfriend.”

He had clicked on their performance video with so much vigour it made you laugh even harder. Especially because their own performance was recommended to play right after TXT and he hesitated not even half a second before adding it to the queue.

“If you mention anything about Yeonjun’s lips, I will skip all of his parts and we go straight to our show, I’m not even kidding.” You giggled only, pressing your lips against his cheek. “Jealous Jiminie never fails to make me laugh. This group debuted in march of 2019 the same year. They weren’t even a year old and still performed like this, that’s all I’m gushing about, basically.”

And with that you pressed the play button and started the video. You actually expected Jimin to wrap his arms around you any second, but the man was still a moping mess and refused to even spare you a glance. With a sigh you decided to take matters into your own hands and leaned against him.

“Jimin.” No response.

“Baby. Look at me.” For a second it looked like he would ignore you once again. Just when you debated about calling him again or just cuddle him instead, he turned his head into your direction. You couldn’t help the small smile that immediately appeared on your face.

“You’re still the prettiest man on earth Jimin. Don’t worry, I could never look at anyone else than you. This includes your lips, by the way.” He hummed, acting as if all of this wouldn’t even affect him the slightest.

“I know.”

You burst out laughing. “You do now? So will you stop sulking?” He shrugged only, giving you a sly side-eye. “Only if you admit that you did drool when you watched our performance because up to this point, I have not heard a confession coming from your lips.” You huffed unfazed, shaking your head.

“Park Jimin, you are too cocky for your own good.”

“I’m just right sweetheart. Very unlike that equation you just solved…might want to look over that again.”

“Oh will you shut up!”

— ✩ thank u for reading ✩ —

[wychive]

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic 

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn​ !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph)  sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol  im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:) 

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3 

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?  

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me.. 

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you. 

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people. 

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them. 

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog. 

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine. 

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were. 

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar. 

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio​ , @neo-shitty​

reply to be in my gen taglist!

[scoopsahoy]

i just read ur fic about getting pregnant with steve and was wondering if u could write one about the reader and steve struggling for a few years to get pregnant, and she has an emotional breakdown one night bc she doesn't feel like enough for him because it's been pushed on her that women's only jobs are to have kids and shes like "i cant even do that so how am i supposed to please you" and he comforts her and makes her feel better

ぺ  word count ⋰ 2.3k

✰  tw ⋰ none :)

❍  cw ⋰ swearing, mentions of sex

✐  masterlist

⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★

You sat on the toilet seat with your leg bouncing, anxiously waiting for the pregnancy test results to show up. This had become a new norm for you: getting pregnancy tests and anxiously awaiting the results. And you were sick of it.

It took a toll on you. Getting a negative result every single month for four years straight was stressful mentally and physically. You’d had a migraine for at least three and a half years, and no medicine helped. You were always nauseous and sick, which your gynecologist said was normal in your situation. You were always tired and sad, which affected your job and your relationship with Steve.

You knew he was just as tired of it as you were, and you knew he was probably exhausted from having to care for you all the time.

It had also taken a toll on your sex life. At this point, you two only had sex to reproduce. You rarely finished and always denied his offers to help you. You would always flip yourself upside down afterward to help the sperm enter your uterus.

You’d both been to the doctor multiple times to see which one of you was fertile. Steve was one hundred percent fertile, while you had less of a chance of getting pregnant that you should’ve had.

You’d been to multiple IVF appointments as well. It wasn’t Steve’s favorite thing in the world to go into a room alone and masturbate to porn to provide sperm samples.

At this point, he didn’t enjoy looking at other women to get off, so you had taken pictures of yourself to give him.

The first few times it was awkward for him afterward, but you assured him there was nothing uncomfortable about it.

You’d probably spent over ten thousand dollars on it, and it was heartbreaking each time it didn’t work.

At the end of the five minutes, you grabbed the test out of the sink, feeling a pain in your heart at the single line.

You tossed it back into the sink as you stood up, feeling tears slide down your face. Your back hit the wall and you slid down until you felt yourself land on your ass.

You pulled your knees into your chest, propped your elbows on them, and put your hands into your palms.

You couldn’t help but sob. You and Steve had been trying for four years to conceive. And, despite everything mentioned, none of it worked. This was one of your last straws, a wave of sadness washing over you.

You both desperately wanted kids, preferably two or three. But at this point, you’d be lucky to even have one.

Steve made it clear that in the end, if you couldn’t have children of your own, he’d be perfectly okay with adopting, or just not having any. And you agreed.

However, you had the longing to create your own child. Everything from the pregnancy, to giving birth, to raising that child from the moment they came out, until the moment they could care for themselves. You wanted that more than anything, but you’d be happy to adopt if you were infertile.

But sitting on the bathroom floor knowing that every effort you made — propping yourself upside down after sex, aforementioned IVF treatments, tracking your cycles, staying healthy, etc. — didn’t work, made your heart hurt.

You wondered if you were good enough for Steve, if you could really give him what he wanted. If he was genuinely happy with trying to have kids for years on end and being unsuccessful. You wondered if that was what he wanted, if he was still happy with you.

Your sobs filled the bathroom, making you glad Dustin wasn’t there.

Dustin was your younger brother, and currently, he was at the arcade. He knew about your struggle to have kids, and he usually tried to help, whether it was with the foods you ate, or getting you vitamins, making sure your mom didn’t keep her alcohol where you could get to it, etc.

You thought it was sweet how much he wanted a niece or nephew, always talking about babysitting them and allowing them into the party.

You always made sure he was gone when you took pregnancy tests. You loved him, but comfort wasn’t his strong suit. Sometimes it would work just because of the effort, but sometimes it would make you feel worse. So, you figured the easiest way to avoid that was to make sure he wasn’t there.

The rest of the party was also anticipating you getting pregnant. Max, Eleven, and Nancy all said they would help her with girl things like periods, dating, and other things boys didn’t understand.

And Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Will, and Jonathan all said they would indoctrinate him/her into their Dungeons and Dragons campaigns.

It made you cry the first time you found out how excited they were to have a new member of the family.

But you hated making them wait. Dustin and Robin were the only ones who knew how long you’d been trying, so the rest of them kept jokingly bugging you about them getting a new DnD member.

When Steve got home from work, he found you crying on the bathroom floor. He looked in the sink, seeing another negative test.

He sat on the toilet seat, placing his hands on your knees. He didn’t say anything, he let you talk at your own pace.

“Negative again,” you said, your voice stuffy.

He nodded. “I know.”

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Hey, look at me.”

You pulled your hands from your face, revealing your eyes bloodshot and puffy, your skin soaked in tears.

He stood up and held his hands out for you to take. You pulled yourself up and he cupped your face. He wiped your cheeks with his thumbs, before grabbing a dry cloth and cleaning your face completely.

“Come here,” he said, pulling you into a deep hug. You cried into his chest, leaving tear stains on his shirt. He gently pulled you to the bedroom a few seconds later. You sat against the headboard, resting your elbows on your knees. He sat across from you, only a few feet away.

He gripped your hands as you continued crying. It was silent for a few minutes before he continued the conversation.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Then why can’t I get pregnant?”

“You know that’s not your fault.”

“Is it enough for you? Am I enough for you?”

He furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”

“If I can’t give you a kid. If I can’t get pregnant, despite everything we’ve done, despite every effort we’ve made... will I be enough? Won’t you want more?”

“Don’t. Don’t even think like that. Don’t say that. Of course, you’ll still be enough for me.”

You softly shook your head. “I don’t believe that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you said that all you want in life is children. You want at least one son and one daughter. And you want to name one of them Dustin, and one of them Robin. And you’ve told me that you want to have a hundred grandkids so you can spoil all of them. And if I can’t give that to you-”

“Stop. Stop talking.” He gripped your hands tighter. “I don’t care. If you can’t give me that, that’s okay. More than anything, I want you. I want you, even if we don’t have a hundred grandkids.”

You felt more tears fall down your face, hitting your legs. He tilted your chin up to look at him.

“Why?” you asked.

“‘Why’ what?”

“Why wouldn’t you want someone who could give you that?”

“Because I don’t want just anybody. I want you. I’d live a thousand lifetimes without kids if it meant I got to be with you.”

“But you want a family.”

“Baby,” he chuckled. “We’re already a family. You and me, we are a family. We don’t need a child to be a family. Hell, we can adopt a dog or a cat if we wanted to. And that would still make us as much of a family as people with kids.”

“But we both want kids. I want kids. I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth, I want to hold the baby after they come out. I want to celebrate their first steps, their first words, their first birthday. I want to do that.” He didn’t say anything. “How am I supposed to please you if I can’t even get pregnant?” you mumbled.

He furrowed his brows. “What?”

“I mean, we’ve always been taught that in marriages, in order to be a good wife and please your husband, you should have kids.”

“Who the hell taught you that?”

You raised your eyebrows. “School, my family, everyone. I’ve grown up hearing that in order to be a good wife to my husband, I have to give him kids and that’s how we’re supposed to please you.”

He shook his head. “I’ve never been taught to only expect kids from my wife. They’ve been feeding you that bullshit?” You nodded. “For how long?”

“All my life.”

“I’ve grown up learning from my mom that, even if I don’t have kids with the person I marry, I should find someone that I can’t live without. That’s you.”

“Steve-”

“Y/N, you don’t have to bear a child to please me. I am so madly, deeply, stupidly in love with you. There is nothing you can do to make me not love you. You hear me?” You didn’t reply. “Why do you think I proposed to you and married you?”

“You wanted to start a family, but not outside of marriage. Isn’t that why every guy gets married?”

“Nope. Not even close. I mean, that’s a factor, but do you know the real reason I married you?” You still didn’t answer. “I married you to be with you,” he said as he poked you lightly on the chest. “I married you so I could spend the rest of my life with you. Obviously, I do want a family, but, like I said, I’d go a million years without kids if it meant I got to be with you.”

You were only crying harder now. “Steve-”

“I am so fucking in love with you, Y/N. Do you want to know how long it took me to get that ring-” He pointed to your engagement ring on your finger, which was joined by your wedding band, “after we started dating?” You shook your head. “Three days.”

Your eyes got wide. “What?”

“Yep. Three days into our relationship, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You know why I didn’t propose sooner?” You shook your head again. “We weren’t eighteen. That was the only thing holding me back. I had to wait two years to propose to you because we had to wait until we were adults.”

You looked down at your ring. “They let you buy an engagement ring at sixteen?” you chuckled.

“I guess so. I got it, didn’t I?”

You smiled. “I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too.” You squeezed his hands.

“Tell you what. Why don’t we take a break from trying? I mean, we’re only twenty-three. We have time. I know it’s stressing you out. Your head always hurts and you’re always sick. Let’s just wait a little while.”

You nodded. “That would actually be really nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe we can have sex just to have sex, not to make a baby.”

“Absolutely.”

You looked at him and he gave you a small smile.

“I don’t deserve you,” you said, your voice cracking.

“I think I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”

You laughed softly. “And if we can’t have our own kids, we can adopt,” you said.

“Absolutely.”

“Take a kid or two out of the system.”

“Absolutely,” he repeated.

You got on your knees and hugged him, the two of you squeezing each other tightly.

“Did I mention that I love you?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? Because I do.”

“I’m sure,” you giggled. “I love you, too.”

When you pulled away, he looked at you. “Don’t blame yourself, baby. Seriously. It’s not your fault.”

“I know.”

“Okay.”

You pulled him in for one last kiss before heading to the kitchen to start dinner.

—

You, Steve, Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, and Robin all sat in your dining room. For dinner, you made chicken burritos. The kids were all joking around and talking about the arcade when you decided to get their attention.

“So, me and Steve talked today,” you said, clearing your throat. They all looked at you. “I think... we’re gonna stop trying to have a kid for a little while.”

“What?” Lucas asked. “Why?”

“We’ve been trying for four years. I mean, we’ve done IVF-”

“What’s IVF?” Mike asked.

“In vitro. It’s artificial insemination.”

“We’ve done that about six times,” Steve said. “And it hasn’t worked.”

“Nothing we’ve done has worked. So, for now, we’re gonna take a break. I mean, it takes a toll on us.”

They nodded. “Okay. Whenever you get pregnant, that just means we can have someone else to play games with and invite to the arcade,” Lucas said. “Even if we’re older.”

Steve rested his hand on your thigh.

—

Laying in bed and being Steve’s little spoon as he slept caused you to start thinking again.

You didn’t realize it before, but you were more okay with waiting than you thought you would be. Sure, you’d be slightly older when you were pregnant — if you wound up pregnant at all — but you were fine with it.

Knowing that you were with someone like Steve, who didn’t care if you couldn’t have kids, was a relief. You knew you married the right person, and you knew your kids would be right about you two being soulmates.

[holicanth]

Hanging On Threads (2)

@shinoweek​ 2021 Prompt 3 - Sunset/Canon Divergence

Words: 3.7k

Genre: Angst. Drama. Shinohina. Tragedy

Warnings: -

Additional Tags: Shinohina, Kibahina, Naruhina, family issues, Konoha’s noble clans, nepotisme and collusion.

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry y’all. I’ve been extra busy :( Here’s chapter 2 (?) of my Shino week series. I hope you have a great day :)

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

It has been 3 days since Shino disappeared from the Aburame compound.

It has also been 3 days since the Konoha elders re-welcomed the Aburames and reintegrated them into society.

Ever since, Shino has been staying at ROOT, hiding undercover while waiting for Danzo's orders.

And with that, Shino is handed the dreadful task of explaining every little detail to Torune.

 "I just can't understand your logic, Shino." He says, clenching his fists on the table. "You should know better than to just run away from home like that!" 

"What do you think you'll achieve with this?" Torune grits his teeth, "You cant escape this--there's no way Danzo will let you out anymore!"

 Guilt that has previously bubbled inside him was now gone. Shino felt close to nothing as he stays cooped in ROOT. No fear. No anxiety. He was obviously feeling full of himself, believing to have won his side of the bargain. As such, none of Torune's words were ringing bells inside his head. 

Shino tries to keep his facade well-put.

"How is Uncle Shibi taking the news?"

"I've sent some beetles to Father. I can tell he's doing well even without me. Nothing else will change in the household." 

"Not until," Shino's words come to a startled halt. "Until I finish my promise to Danzo."

His brother bangs the table in a display of panic that Shino has never seen. " You don't know what he'll do to you. Shino, you don't know anything..."

His words cut off abruptly. In a split second, Shino senses a tremble in Torune. A slight quiver of his lips. 

 Torune used to live with them, and had expressed massive gratefulness towards his uncle. Shino didn't realize at that time (he was but merely eight), that more than anything, Torune's sacrifice was addressed more towards Shibi. The boy would do anything to protect his uncle—you can see it in the way he devotes himself to his work.

A kindred sort of regret rose in Shino. To think that  he had so easily thrown away the ideal life that Torune had bestowed upon him—and voluntarily at that. 

But both of them know that there is no safer alternative. 

(It's an inevitable fate, they console themselves. It is a necessary sacrifice.)

 "I had to do it for our clan." Shino repeats the fact to his brother. "We were to be killed soon enough. And it would have been Father first."

Shino's eyes flit nervously as he spoke. 

"And who do you think would pull the trigger, Shino?"

Torune didn't ask why. Like he knew all of the details already. 

Shino glanced around the room, thinking. He already knows the answer. Rather, he's trying to figure out how to word it in a manner that doesn't...offend Torune.

 (Shino could list all the names of the ANBU members that have been in contact with particular individuals. Journalists, Governors, Clan heads, people of high posistions. Their agenda was blatant. Shino knows because their names have been whispered in contemplation throughout the Aburame compound.)

"The jonins," Shino says, in a hushed voice. "The jonins will work together with the ANBU. The Sarutobi clan will be extremely involved too."

There is a pattern Shino notices in Konoha's history. It's that the types of people who reign over the village are identical and identifiable amongst each other. A teacher to their student, A blood relative to their predecessor. Lesser clans would do anything to grab ahold of that social circle. 

Replacing an unliked noble clan would be one of such tasks.

 Torune listens keenly, in a hum that neither denies or confirms it. 

 "Not only that," He resumes, "There seems to be equal participation from other clans. Such as the Nara. You know they've been looking to steal our research on bugs."

"They're especially interested in yours, Torune."

He doesn't oblige. Torune was aware of this well before he came to ROOT, too. Fear and suspense were not things Torune had to be worried about. But today, he finds that he had to face it--the abject horror of seeing his little brother in a hostage situation. The pure fear of knowing how hopeless he is engulfs him. Was there nothing that Torune can do?

 (A shinobi must constantly opress their emotions, follow a strict set of rules that they decide among themselves, and avoid extraneous conflict.

This was the first lesson Danzo had stamped inside Torune's memories. 

To disconnect oneself from the act of murder—it was the essence of a shinobi.

Or so Torune thought.)

 "I was to be sent as well, Shino." Torune looks down as he breaks the ice. "They want us gone because of our power. Of our potential. They'll take our knowledge and use it to their own benefit. All the research, medicine, poisons and bugs."

 (The Aburames are notorious for being mysterious. All done in order to conceal oneself, to prevent oneself from having their secret techniques outed in public. Ensuring, that they stay formidable, underestimated,

 and strong.)

 "You heard Danzo say it. They think we're weird. Unsanitary. Off-putting. That our secrecy is a form of betrayal, even when we've been constantly obedient to Konoha."

"And will you die as well?" Shino asks cautiously, "After you've killed all of us, will they dispose of you too, Torune?"

A sorrow smile lit up Torune's face. There was, again, no answer. Shino knows—No, he had plenty of ideas already. Torune’s predisposition was already a valid enough reason for Konoha to justify his death. Killed or not, there are many ways to make a man break. Danzo would have his merry time trying out which one of those methods satisfy him best.

What Konoha was capable of bringing unto the Uchiha was just as likely to happen to the Aburames.

(This exchange ended on a heavy note. Nothing Shino says will add or subtract from the issue at hand. Just a hanging air of dread, looming over their clan's future. Both of them did what they had to preserve their clans. To protect those important to them.

 But this sense of kinship—to protect those that they love. Is it not what Konoha preaches to their young, too?

Or was it the reason that Konoha wants to tear apart the Aburame family ties?)

A knock on the wooden door brings an end to the brothers' conversation. The Yamanaka boy comes in, head held high. 

"Lord Danzo has requested for you, Shino Aburame. Come along, now." 

Shino leaves Torune in the room. Torune knows best that he should not interfere lest he wants to live a day beneath the soil.

 It can be said that ROOT was an illegal form of bodyguards, acting as Danzo's personal squadron. A blatant display of political corruption, despite Danzo’s "fancy" position as Konoha's elder. The facility was well maintained, and there was never a shortage of child soldiers sent there. The clan leaders know Danzo as a demanding figure. 

 The Yamanaka boy—Fuu  Yamanaka stops to knock at a set of tall doors. Shino stops to ponder whether he was related directly to Ino Yamanaka.

An oddly lit room opens up by Shino, displaying machines, scrolls, and different books that are perfectly arranged inside the giant walls of bookshelves. Danzo stood in the center, on a throne chair that he does not deserve.

"You may leave now, Fuu." He spoke in a low tone. 

 Something in Shino buzzes as he watch the Yamanaka eye him begrudgingly while he closes the door. The buzzing didn't stop after he went out.

(His bugs were reacting to something. A feeling that Shino doesn't want to name)

 "You. You're the son of Shibi Aburame, aren't you?" Danzo sneers, "So the Aburames have a dojutsu now, huh? What a nuisance. What, is your dojutsu like the Uchiha's? Prompted by deep emotional pain?"

 (Shino feels the buzzing again. His bugs were on guard, but for what?)

 "Does Shibi have this ability, too?"

"No." Shino spouts a half-lie. 

"And how did you get your hands on this? Are you saying that it just appeared out of nowhere?"

Danzo was gauging for answers. Shino was never good at communication himself, but he was naturally gifted in speaking conspicuously

"It was always in the Aburame blood. Just forgotten through time. Nothing new."

"And you vermins have been hiding this to yourselves, haven't you? Yet you wonder why Konoha has no trust in you."

"The other clans have aces up their sleeves, too. It's why they call it a Hidden Jutsu."

Shino didn't mean to sound snark. But Danzo himself might not have the mental intelligence to understand sarcasm, so Shino thinks it's okay. 

"So this dojutsu of yours—The Senrigan—tell me how this is more useful than the Byakugan."

 Shino bit his tongue before answering. Once more, he'll have to cherry-pick his words exceptionally well. 

"I transfer my sight to my bugs. Depending on how many bugs there are and how they're aligned, my sight can reach other countries."

"The Senrigan requires one to be perfectly still, but the bugs can collect all sounds, sights, and other details without having their chakra traced. Hiding my chakra under the bug's natural chakra will make them unnoticed by sensors"

 Danzo squints his eye, thinking. "Quite the useful spying tool, huh." 

"Still, we need to make sure you're telling the truth. Take off your glasses."

Shino was taken aback from the sudden request, 

 "Now."

 He does as he's told. The sunglasses are safely kept in his pockets. Shino's eyes were dark under the sunlight, and an even deeper shade of obsidian indoors.

"Let's have you demonstrate your Senrigan, shall we? I've sent Fuu to loiter around Konoha's busy streets. Locate him using the senrigan, and tell me every word he's speaking."

And without further ado, Shino created some hand seals, took a deep breath, and a swarm of kikaichu flew out of his body, travelling through the doors and crevices of the ROOT headquarters before dispersing overground. The emerald hue of Shino's eyes looked stunning in the dark. 

 Even from a distance, Danzo can sense an intricate, huge web of chakra dispersing from the boy's body, Undulating, stretching outwards, and going back and forth between Shino's body and his bugs. Then, as if on command, the chakra fell silent and Shino lets out a long exhale. He's successfully established the connection. 

 As Shino stills his senses to callibrate himself to the beetles, he orders them to trace any signs of the familiar Yamanaka chakra signature. He steadily reduces his chakra input. When a preferable balance is reached, Shino waits in silence. Until a bug notifies him of any significant clues

 (Go to the streets. He instructs them. Hover around in small swarms and don't terrify the people. 

A short pause. Don't bump into anyone that I know, He commands again.)

 Danzo watches as the Aburame in front of hin froze into a lotus pose. The stare in his eyes blank, but definitely buzzing with intel and chakra. There is much to be studied with this new forbidden jutsu.

 Shino is notified of a sighting near Konoha's marketplace. He checks in with the bug, and once their visions link he can tell that the person had the same chakra signature. 

"I've located him." Shino said. "He's using a mask and brown cloak, performing jutsus to the local children."

 "And what is he saying?" 

 Shino tries to concentrate as hard as he can. The hand seals that Fuu was using was something he didn't recognize. Apparently memorizing while the Senrigan is activated proved to be more dizzying than he thought.

"Tori, Uma, Ne, Inu, Ne, Tori, Hitsuji, Tatsu, I, Ushi..." Shino recites slowly, making sure that he isn't wrong. "This is a variant of the Water-style technique. He's forming water spouts from his fingers."

 That's absolutely correct, Fuu signals to Danzo, who had been telepathically communicating with him all this time.

"Well done, Shino. You've proven to us that you and your clan can be of use."

And with that Shino scrunches his eyes shut. A little bit disoriented from having to memorize while using the Senrigan. His beetles swiftly fly back to him, bringing him a small amount of chakra they absorbed from the villagers.

 "I've done my part in reintegrating the Aburames. Give me a month and things will be back to normal. Are you ready to fulfill your side of the promise?" Danzo asked, as he stood up from his chair.

Shino gulps nervously. He didn't really plan out what to do next. But Shino was a master at lying, and with a countenance that no one can read, he was indecipherable.

 "Why did you want us gone in the first place?" Shino asks, not realizing that he had voiced the thoughts out loud.

Danzo Shimura was a man who took the Second Hokage's manifesto to heart. Perhaps a bit too much. Shino had suspected, backed with the evidence and observation of his clansmen, that Danzo was pulling strings that led to the Uchiha massacre. It was easy to connect the dots, especially with Shibi and Shino's ability (they were tasked to clean it up. Shibi was fast in doing so, while Shino tended to the unconscious Sasuke.)

From the very formation of Konoha, the Aburame clan was in charge of the most tedious work. Often times having to deal with the brunt of it while Konoha lives scott-free. Border patrols, cleaning up after crimes, interrogation. The Aburames are efficient, but this efficiency ultimately lead to their public consternation.

"You Aburames are skilled, I must admit." Danzo's croaked voice echoed through the chamber. "So much so that any village would want to use you as weapons."

"And that's all there is to it, really. You bunch are too strong. Too skilled. There's too many unknown factors. The higher-ups have agreed to eliminate these threats. After all, Konoha prides itself in being a friendly nation. Your blood brings filth to our soil."

 Shino knows that there is a lie slipped between those words. Danzo was not a friendly type of leader.

 "The Four Noble Clans of Konoha are in need of a change. The Uchihas have proven to be evil. It is in Konoha's best interest to discard the bad, and salvage whatever is left. Haven't you noticed? The only reason we keep the Akimichi is because they're dumb enough to be controlled by the Nara and Yamanaka. And the Hyuuga's reputation are held at our mercy. You're smart enough to figure the rest." Danzo says, walking to approach Shino.

What?

Did he hear his words right? The Akimichi clan? All along, Shino had thought that the lucky title of a 'Noble Clan' are given to clans who had body modifications that cannot be replicated by other ninjas. To think that his fellow team had such a scheme hanging around their backs...Shino wants to believe that Team 10's friendship is genuine.

"Tomorrow," Danzo says, patting the chuunin's back, "You will be promoted as Jonin and will be registered as a member of the ANBU. Of course, that's a lie. Because tomorrow I will personally have you run... special errands for me."

Shino gulped. He didn't like the close proximity.

"Make sure you say your goodbyes today. You'll be listed as dead for security reasons."

 And with that, Shino is let out of the facility. He finds himself pondering aimlessly on a nearby park bench. Autumn has turned the Konohagakure into a beautiful display of warm colors. The trees looked like they've been covered in a rich, velvet cloak and the air was sublime. Shino wonders how long it'll be till he can bask in this scenery again.

 First, he'd visit his father. Then, he'd visit his other family members. After that he'll visit...no one. How could Shino bear to look at his friend's faces after resolving so adamantly to despise them? After convincing himself that they've forgotten him. 

(And Shino still hopes. He hopes that somehow someone will notice eventually.)

But he supposes he'll finish his priorities first. Evade a civil war, restore his clan's honor, and the rest will be his secondary concerns. It is dire that he doesn't get emotional, especially in the current state Konoha is in.

 He looks at the children, playing games under a nearby tree. They were too young for the academy, of course, but if they were old enough to attend, would they all turn out like him? Cold and efficient? 

Shino thinks that he used to be a perfectly good student. A good ninja, but perhaps not so good as a friend. One can see plenty of differences between Shino and the rambunctious Naruto, but do they realize how much he envies his cheerful personality?

(And Shino envies him so much. He's taken the attention of the girl he favors. And now, he has taken everyone's attention away from Shino's disappearance.

 Naruto had outshined Shino. As if Shino was a shadow that should not exist.)

He's had enough of the pointless thoughts. It was almost noon and Shino has to hurry home if he wants to say proper goodbyes.

 But a shrill bark had frozen him to his seat.

 "Akamaru, calm down!" A familiar voice shouted.

 Shino jolted at the sound. It was coming from behind him. He senses two people walking by, and a dog beside them. Shino was already certain of who they were. 

 "Akamaru, what's wrong boy? You shouldn't be barking at strangers." The man—Kiba himself said, as he crouched to rub Akamaru's head.

"Maybe he sees someone, Kiba-kun? I don't think anyone's back home from missions..." Hinata replied, looking around the park.

 Oh heavens. If there was anyone who Shino would avoid the most, it'd be these two—Hinata  and Kiba. He doesn't want to face them. He doesn't even want to be near them. Alas, everytime Shino denies this thought his heart urges him more and more. To simply turn to them. To tell them everything.

(But who was it really who had decided to forget about him in the first place? No one had bothered to ask where he went after the Chuunin exams.)

 Akamaru's barking turned into a soft whine. The canine was visibly confused.

Shino has yet to move from his spot at the bench.

 "Come on now. No one is here. You've mistaken him for someone else, buddy." Kiba says, sounding a little harsh for someone who claims to be Akamaru's partner.

 (Shino wanted to burst out laughing. Doubting a ninja dog's nose? Especially one who has worked with Shino for years? Kiba was a bad liar.

See, even Akamaru notices! Shino thinks to himself, proud to have concluded that the fault was theirs all along.)

 Akamaru still whines when Kiba motions him away from Shino's bench. 

"Why are you being so difficult today?!" Kiba grunts, frustrated. "Come on Akamaru, you don't want to upset Hinata on our date!"

 Oh.

 Oh.

 So it’s like that, huh.

 "K-Kiba-kun! Please don't shout in public..." Hinata whimpers, fiddling her thumbs together.

And with a little nudge, Akamaru finally moves on with them. The couple enjoying the beauty of Konoha's Autumn, oblivious to everything behind it.

 It took minutes. Hours, even for Shino to compose himself enough to process the ordeal.  

 And those hours were filled with empty pondering. With words that were on the tip of falling out of his mouth. With feelings that he had not been brave enough to admit before. With the eternal, everlasting regret of not speaking up.

But there was nothing he could do.

A shinobi must constantly suppress their emotions, follow a strict set of rules that they decide among themselves, and avoid extraneous conflict

 This is for the best. he repeats to himself. Hinata would be better off without him, he thinks.

(But he could have made her happy too. He would've given everything for her.)

 A stroll to wash off these thoughts. Yes, Shino thinks that all he needed was to cool his head, shrug it off, and return to his obligations tomorrow. The warm glow of sunset was eager to mask his unease.

The sunset was particularly shy that day, and had swiftly sank to allow the moon to greet him instead. It's already past six o,clock. He knows that he needs to greet his family, but Shino's distraught conscience told him to look at the sky. The moon was still as luminous as usual.

 Shino had always known how beautiful the moon is. How beautiful its pearly shimmer is. 

(How gentle her eyes were, radiating such a serene, pure love)

 And like an opened dam, suddenly Shino feels his chest aching. Like a hole had opened inside him--one that he can't touch nor see. A hole that, no matter how hard Shino tries, would always engulf him in rain. In a downpour that feels like a thousand needles showering on him.

It feels like such a distant memory. Months ago they were still fine. Hinata was still his comrade. And now, she's floating further away from his grasp.  Was there no more space for Shino in her heart?

 (But Shino was a fool to believe—

 A firefly can't love the moon.

 Its language can't be heard,

Its wings can't reach the sky,

Its light can't compare to the sea of stars.

 It can only do what a firefly does best.

 Illuminate the night in its own glow. 

A token of a love that falls on deaf ears.)

 By the time Shino reaches the Aburame compound, his tears were already dry. Shibi waits for him near the estate gates, and without speaking a word, held his son in a deep embrace. A fitting greeting for a child who's always been forced to grow up before his time.

Shino was going to stay the night in the estate. Saying goodbyes and packing things up. Of course, no further information would be given—everyone was in a state of wary due to the constant supervision.

He had to console them the best he can. Explain the situation. Share his insights. Assure them that this is his job as the Aburame heir. And for that, he would do everything in his capacity to make sure his loved ones don't perish.

 A night is never enough to tell stories. By tomorrow morning, Shibi would have said goodbye to two sons.

[dirt-cup-draco]

Draco x Reader - Give Me a Chance

hi! could I request and draco x reader where draco has a crush on the reader and flirts with them but they kindly try to brush him off? Maybe one of the trio members intervene and drive him away? Then he asks them to the Yule ball and they accept because they don’t want to say no and end up having a great time despite it all?? sorry if this confusing I’m just in need of draco fluff lol. If you can’t get to it no worries!! Thanks :)

Draco glared at Ron with a hate he didn’t think possible when he grabbed your arm and dragged you away when all Draco had been doing was talking to you. It had been innocent! Mostly.  He had actually wanted to ask you out and you had been smiling at him, he hoped that mean that you weren’t opposed to it. Before he could work up his last bit of courage though you were being forcefully removed from him. You looked over your shoulder with an apologetic look but didn’t try to free yourself from Weasley’s imposing grip. 

“I don’t see what the problem was,” You muttered grumpily as Ron sat you down with Hermione and Harry as they lounged in your common room. 

“What happened?” Hermione asked absentmindedly as she thumbed through a textbook. 

“Draco was bugging her again,” 

“He was not!” You argued. 

“Y/N, he’s a snake,” Harry chimed in, “You’re better than that,” 

You felt like your parents were scolding you for bringing home a boyfriend they didn’t approve of. But Draco wasn’t your boyfriend! You weren’t really friends either, it was just harmless flirting. 

“Besides,” Hermione added, “Do you really want someone who doesn’t like your friends? It’s just weird how he hates us but likes you... What if he’s messing with you?”

Your heart plummeted. You knew it was odd but you didn’t think he was messing with you. It had seemed like he’d been genuine but maybe your friends were right. 

--

“Y/N, hey,” Draco called out to you before you walked into your shared class. 

You only walked faster, not even sparring him a glance. He frowned and followed after you, reaching to grab your shoulder. You paused at his touch and turned around with a blank stare. “What’s wrong?” He found himself asking and you were nearly surprised at the question but then you were reminded of your friends words. 

“Nothing, I just don’t want to talk to you Malfoy,” You uttered his last name and Draco found himself hating how impersonal it sounded. You had always used his first name, seeing him as Draco and not his family name, it was one of the reasons he liked you. It seemed he was wrong to. 

“Did I do something?” 

“No,” You admitted and Draco found himself confused until you continued, “but I don’t want to wait around until you do,” 

You expected him to be awful. You expected him to be angry and cruel and a bully. “That’s not fair,” He argued but you were shaking your head as he sneered at you. 

“It is plenty fair, if you treat my friends terribly what is to stop you from doing the same to me. I’m no different than they are. You should dislike me just as much as you dislike them and you probably do,” Did you sound sad or was Draco just being wishful? “I’m not going to wait to be the butt of whatever joke you are playing on me,” 

You got in the final word, gliding into class as Draco stared dumbly after you. He understood what had happened but he hadn’t thought you would let Harry and his gang get to you. He supposed you were right, you were no different than them. You were a part of that gang. However, Draco couldn’t seem to put you in the same box he had put them in. You were different. 

Since year one you had treated him like he wasn’t anything special and he wanted it to bug him but he had always been fawned over for his family name and all it had gotten him was shallow attachments. He wanted to hate you but you didn’t have any dislike for him, you just didn’t care what family he had come from. It seemed that had changed. 

With a scowl he sank into a different seat, deciding it was best not to sit next to you in case Hermione decided to punch him again. He couldn’t help it as his eyes trailed to you, watching you scribble notes and absentmindedly doodle when you found you weren’t interested in today’s topic. 

Kids were buzzing around him about the Yule Ball but it didn’t seem to reach your ears either as you continued to run your quill across the paper in front of you. Draco had thought about the ball, he had thought about asking you. Despite your now cold demeanor he still wanted to ask you. 

His mind began to race dangerously and he found himself determined to make you take back what you had said, to make you see he wasn’t always a snake. Draco was still a boy who wanted to ask out his crush, even if he could be a bully. 

You hadn’t been expecting the note that fluttered to your desk and you opened it, finding that no one had addressed the outside. You understood why though because when you were done looking at the question that made your cheeks heat up and heart race you found a neatly signed name. Draco’s signature stared at you as well as the question “Will you go to the yule ball with me?” that hovered above two boxes, one said yes and the other....also said yes. 

You scoffed, stuffing the note unanswered back into your bag. You tried to pretend it wasn’t cute and didn’t make you smile. You tried to pretend that you were offended he had asked you after you had told him to leave him alone. You tried to pretend you didn’t want to check both of the boxes, yes and yes I would love to go with you. 

Draco had known you wouldn’t say anything. It made him smile however. Weasley had ruined one chance with you but it seemed like you weren’t going to let them boss you around completely. He couldn’t have missed the slight blush on your cheeks. You didn’t hate him, you were just trying to figure out if he was worth upsetting your friends. He prayed he was. 

Two days later he had another plan as you sat in Herbology. “Y/N,” He said as he walked to your side of the greenhouse, knowing you had seen him but liking the sound of your name as he spoke it. You raised an eyebrow but didn’t dismiss him, probably because your friends were distracted with a wailing mandrake that Neville had accidentally knocked off the shelf, shattering the pot. Thankfully the both of you had already put on your earmuffs. 

“Well, go on then,” You prodded trying to sound bothered but you couldn’t quite manage it. 

“Go to the yule ball with me?” He asked again, presenting an odd arrangement of flowers he had sneakily plucked around the greenhouse.

You couldn’t help but smile, but didn’t take the makeshift bouquet from him. “And what makes you think I’d say yes now?” You asked, pointing out you hadn’t yet answered his previous note. 

Draco smiled, setting the flowers on your notes, leaning in and lowering his voice. “Because you want to say yes, I just have to wear you down,” He teased but walked away without another word. He felt optimistic when you kept the flowers even after class had ended, not throwing him away as he thought you might have. 

You were confused, not so much confused as trying to find a way to tell your friends that you liked Draco and he seemed to like you too. You wanted to trust that he liked you and you were beginning to think he did. Why else would he try so hard to ask you to the ball?  

“You were talking to him again,” Hermione noted as you walked out of class and you sighed heavily, sending her a glare. 

“And there is something wrong with that?” You finally snapped. You didn’t mean to be frustrated with your friends, you understood why they were hesitant to trust Draco but he had always been good to you and you liked him, you wanted to go to the ball with him. “Why cant I choose for myself who I talk to?” 

Hermione hadn’t expected you to snap back so she simply quieted down, nose pointed to the ground instead of in the air. 

“I’ll see you later,” You said moodily, parting from your group. 

Draco found you sitting in the hall when he noticed you weren’t in the great hall for dinner. This time you were the first to speak. “Sit with me?” You asked. 

“Thought youd never ask,” He teased but his eyes searched yours intently, looking for a reason you might seem so disheartened. 

“I should throw you a bone once in a while,” You tried to jest but it fell flat as you sighed, digging your palms against your eyes hoping to ease the tension there. “I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting recently, I shouldn’t let my friends sway my thoughts or f-feelings.” 

Draco stayed quiet yet his chest constricted. Were you saying what he thought you might be? “What was that about feelings? I didn’t quite hear you,” He prodded and you laughed, bumping your shoulder into his. 

“Don’t be a dick, you know how I feel. You knew before I did,” You looked to Draco and you were surprised to see a wide smile on his face. You had never seen him look so relaxed. It was a nice look for him. 

“Does that mean you know how I feel?” Draco asked. 

You thought for a moment. “I don’t know, I want to hope but I do wonder why you keep trying so hard,” You admitted. 

“Because I like you, Y/N,” Draco said with conviction. “Please give me a chance,” 

You moved to dig through the pocket of your robes and pulled out the note he had given you days ago. Despite not much time passing by the paper was thin and pliable as you had seemingly been fiddling with you, opening and closing it multiple times. 

“Well, go on then,” You said as you had earlier in the week but this time more gently. 

Draco opened the note and found two large checks on the boxes beneath the question he had been asking you time after time. 

“Yes and yes, I would love to go the ball with you,” You told him, finally able to be honest with yourself and him.