#i cried a) bc of the call b) bc my coworkers were being nice and motherly to me and c) bc i was humiliated

[depresseddepot]

.

[barrysjumpsuit]

the dark side - jj maybank x shoupe’s daughter (ch. 3)

w/c: 2.5k

warnings: underage drinking, mentions of other illicit activity, typos probably, but this is mostly just jj fluff

summary:  catherine shoupe has the perfect life. when she gets hired by heyward to run groceries, she has a new coworker - jj maybank. as the deputy’s daughter, she can’t help but hate him. but when jj decides to bring her to the dark side and woo her over, cat not only has to hide her activities from her father, but learn who her father really is.

a/n: i’ve been super busy and lacking inspo, so i knocked this out in about an hour and a half (and tbh i’m kinda proud of it).  this is definitely based on that time last week i drank 8 beers while swimming and was so drunk i fell off the dock then cried while making a pizza bc i started thinking about drew starkey  

side note, the tags weren’t working on the last two chapters, so if you could reblog this that would mean the world to me :)

get caught up on other chapters here! or check out my masterlist!

----

JJ’s words ate at Cat as she drove home. Leave it to JJ to put that foul taste in her mouth - was he trying to turn her against her own father? Or wanting her to come to the dark side with him?  Of course JJ didn’t like her dad. He was a troublemaker, flirting with all the punishments that were associated with breaking the law. 

Cat got home ten minutes later. Her dad was waiting up for her - it was later than she realized, and she was too caught up with JJ - and then flustered - to text him. “How’d it go?” he asked, seeing her face and pulling her into a hug.

“It was okay. I’m just tired,” she said quietly, her head pressed against her dad’s shoulder.

“You want any dinner?” he asked, and she shook her head. “Okay. Good night, sweetie.”

That night and all of the next day, she couldn’t stop thinking about what JJ had said to her.

Cat spent her day off with her best friend. They shopped before dropping their bags off at Cat’s, changing and going to the beach.

“Tell me about your new job,” Kya insisted, laying beside her. Her eyes were hidden by large, pink sunglasses, a smile plastered on her face.

“Well… it’s different, that’s for sure. I like spending most of my day on the water.” Cat threw an arm up to shield the sun so she could see her friend better. “The guys I work with keep it… interesting.”

“Heyward’s kid? What’s his name?”

“Pope. Yeah, I like him a lot. I usually work with either him or JJ.”

“Maybank?” Kya asked, pushing herself up slightly, and Cat nodded. “Woah, seriously? You haven’t killed each other yet?”

“Actually… we made up for everything last night. Got dinner and everything. He wanted to air everything out, and we had a good night.”

“You got dinner with JJ Maybank?” 

Cat sighed as her friend took off her sunglasses to look at her, her eyes wide. “Yes, Kya, why is that such a big deal?”

“You know he’s a total pothead, right? And his dad’s into all sorts of drugs.”

“Well, that’s a good thing I only work with him, then,” Cat responded cooly. “I just want to be friendly enough to make work not insufferable. I don’t care what he does in his free time.”

“Does your dad know?” Kya asked, and sat upright when Cat shook her head. “You’re kidding me, Cat.”

“He doesn’t need to know, he’d just worry.” Cat tried to ignore how worked up all of this made Kya. “Beside, I’ve made it clear to him I don’t want to get involved in anything he or his friends do.”

Kya sighed, laying back down beside her. “You better not. You’re the only friend I have that hasn’t gone all party mode.”

“That’s not gonna happen any time soon.” Cat tried to reassure her, but remembered JJ’s words. I’ll get you out of your bubble, he had said, a charming grin lighting up his face. Everything about JJ’s existence seemed effortless - he didn’t worry about what people thought about him, and didn’t particularly care for impressing people or following every single rule.

All throughout high school, like Kya had said, they lost friends until their once tight-knit friend group shrank to just the two of them. Everyone discovered alcohol, which was easily available at keggers and parties that seemed to happen almost every night. Some started smoking weed, others started doing harder stuff. People changed, and Cat knew that, but she didn’t like that type of change. Even if she did still want to be friends with those people, she knew it wouldn’t fly with her father, much less with Kya’s mother.

Kya Peterkin was the one person who had Cat’s back while they were growing up. Whenever their classmates adopted the we-hate-cops attitude, they were shunned together. They obeyed the same sets of rules, and since their parents worked so closely together, they were bound to become best friends as well. 

Sometimes, though, Cat wanted to break the rules. She was tired of being under the watchful, critical eye of her parents. Maybe JJ was what she needed - someone to be that person to get her out there. There was something about the way he spoke to her the other day, like he knew something she didn’t. About her, and about her dad. 

The next day, she worked with Pope. 

The day after, she worked with JJ.

It was the first time she actually enjoyed working with JJ. The talk they had eased the tension - JJ sat on the bow of the boat, his vape pinched between his lips, swinging his feet in the air while Cat slowed the boat as they approached the no wake zone. As she eased up to the dock to complete the last delivery of the day, JJ hopped off and tied the boat while Cat started readying the groceries.

Cat wanted to ask him, so, what are you doing tonight?, but she had been taught to never invite herself to things. Luckily, JJ seemed to read her mind, a cocky smile tugging on his lips as they loaded bags into the carts they would haul down the sandy paths to the McEvers’ house.

“You busy tonight?” he asked casually, passing groceries from the boat down to her. 

“Not at all,” she replied. 

“Wanna go for a boat ride?” 

“With who?”

“Me and my friends,” he replied, jumping down from the boat to be next to her. He had a red work shirt on, matching his backwards red hat. 

“What will be happening on said boat ride?” she asked, partly because she was curious and wanted confirmation, partly to annoy him.

“What, you turning into a cop?” JJ asked. “Your dad knows what we do, everyone on the island knows and everyone on the island does exactly what we do.”

“And what do you do?”

JJ raised his eyebrows before taking a hold of the handle of the cart. “Just a little booze cruise is all. Don’t worry, Pope’s the DD.”

“And you’re not worried I’ll rat you all out?” she asked, taking her own cart and starting to haul it down the path after him.

“No, because you would never let your father know you’re hanging out with me.”

JJ’s words and tone were cocky. Cat smiled, trying to wipe her expression blank as JJ turned to look at her, but failed. “Sure. I’ll come tonight.”

“You got a swimsuit on you?”

“I’ll have to run home and pick one up, just let me know where to meet you.”

JJ flashed her a thumbs up, and before long, they had completed their delivery. The rest of the shift was uneventful; they boated back to Heyward’s, ran through the closing procedures, and JJ told her how to get to John B’s house.

“Just come out back to the dock when you get there, we’ll be waiting on the boat,” he had told her. Cat quickly drove home, telling her dad she was going to treat herself to a night out at the movies, changing before driving south to the Cut.

Two cars were parked in front of John B’s house. Following JJ’s instructions, she walked around the side of the house, seeing the dock lit up with deck lights, hearing voices from a boat tied to the end.

The voices became hushed as she walked down the dock, and she saw someone shove JJ, while another threw a hat at him. As soon as she grew close enough to see JJ’s crew, Cat instantly regretted her decision of coming.

“Shoupe’s kid? Really, JJ?” she heard Kiara hiss, before plastering a big smile on her face. “Hey, Cat.”

She stopped hesitantly on the end of the dock. Just go back home, a voice inside her brain told her, and she was about to start back towards her car when JJ stood, grabbing her hand, pulling her onto the boat.

“Be nice, please,” he said in a sing-songy voice, knowing that Cat had overheard them. 

“Dude - really?” John B asked bluntly. He had dropped the hand holding a beer down in a subtle attempt to hide it.

“My lips are sealed.” Cat caught Kiara’s eye roll out of the corner of her vision, and Pope sighed, obviously disliking the conflict.

“Well, let’s go then,” John B said, tension still apparent in his voice. JJ nodded towards the back of the boat, and Pope moved to make room for her to sit.

“Want a drink, kitty Cat?” JJ asked, but before she could answer, Kiara was making a gagging sound and John B looked at him with wide eyes.

“The fuck you call her?” John B asked, and JJ grinned.

“Kitty Cat.”

“I thought I told you to never call me that ever again,” Cat said, leaning forward to look into the cooler. It was full of Pabst and White Claws. She started reaching for one of the latter, but hesitated.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Pope said quietly, but Cat could feel everyone’s eyes on her.

She looked up to JJ, who shrugged. “The black cherry is my favorite,” he said.

“You admitted it! You like them!” Pope burst suddenly, pointing accusingly at JJ, who just shrugged before speaking.

“There ain’t no laws when you’re drinking Claws,” he claimed, pausing as Cat grabbed one of the black cherries. “Atta girl, Cat.”

She popped the top and took a sip. It was okay, the sharp taste and the carbonation causing her to make a face. The second drink was easier.

As John B pushed the throttle, the conversation died down as they made their way across the water. Cat sat against the back right side of the boat with Pope, while Kiara sat on the back left side, JJ going off to stand next to John B.

“You don’t have to let him pressure you into doing this, you know.”

Pope’s words were sudden, almost lost in the wind. Cat pressed her lips together into a small smile before looking at him and responding. “It’s been a long time coming.”

He smiled back at her, and Cat reverted her gaze to JJ. He still wore his work shirt and that backwards red hat, but had changed into a pair of tropical patterned board shorts and flip flops. Leaning over John B, one hand on the dash of the boat and one on the back of the seat, he was talking with a serious look on his face, and John B was sitting, his jaw set.

After twenty minutes, they reached what Pope informed her was their favorite place to swim and watch the sunset. She had finished her drink, a slight warmness filling her body. 

A lime White Claw was next up. It sat on the edge of the boat, half-drank, as they all jumped into the water, the setting sun coloring the water orange, as if it were on fire. Swimming up to the boat, she finished it, tossing the can back into the cooler.

“Atta girl,” JJ praised from out in the water, just his head and beer visible. She burped in response, giggling a little. “Help yourself to another, kitty Cat, you’re off tomorrow.”

She grabbed a lemon before swimming back out to the group. Pope, Kiara, and John B were deep into a discussion about the skunk ape of Florida, and if there was a North Carolina equivalent. As the evening progressed, they seemed to relax slightly at Cat’s presence. 

“You feeling okay?” JJ asked as she swam up to him, cradling a life jacket in one arm while she held her drink with the other. She nodded and he took a sip of his beer.

“Can I try it?” she asked.

“You never tasted a beer?” She shook her head, and JJ handed it towards her. “Don’t judge it off this one, JB has shitty taste.”

“Hey!” there was a protest from John B’s direction, and Cat made a face at the taste of the slightly warm beer.

“Why would you want to drink that?” she asked, handing it back to JJ. He shrugged and took another swig, tilting the bottom towards the sky before crushing it in his fist and throwing it back towards the boat, where it met the other cans with a clink.

Before long, it was dark, and the group swam back to the boat. “You feeling okay?” JJ asked as Kiara heaved herself up, Cat putting her empty can with all the other ones and nodded.

“I feel… fine.” Cat was kind of disappointed; she felt warm, a little fuzzy in her head, but other than that, not how she expected to feel.

“Wait until you’re in the boat,” John B said, watching as JJ heaved himself up. “Better yet, until we get to shore.” JJ yelped as John B pushed him up with a hand to his ass, and John B pushed himself in easily.

Cat tried to haul herself in, but couldn’t. John B chuckled, and he and JJ each took a hand, pulling her up, and as soon as she was sitting on the floor of the boat, she understood what John B had meant.

“Come on kitty Cat, to the bow,” JJ was saying, his hands in her armpits. He helped her to the front of the boat, which was open and flat. 

“Can you get my towel?” she asked, the evening breeze cold on her wet skin. She knew it would just get worse as they started the ride to shore. JJ left her on the bow as he went to the back of the boat for her towel, and she felt him lay it on her shoulders as he returned.

He sat down beside her, and they were silent as Pope pulled up the anchor and John B started up the boat. As they started moving, Cat was unsteady, and JJ chuckled as she had to plant her hands on the ground to keep herself from falling over into him. 

“How many you have? Three?”

“Four,” she said, holding up four fingers in his face. “One of each flavor.”

“And it’s your first time? You’re seasoned already. If only your dad could see you now.”

“Don’ talk about him,” Cat said, putting a finger to his lips, telling him to hush. “I don’t wanna think about it.”

JJ laughed again. “Okay, then, we won’t.” He put his hand on hers, gently rubbing it with his thumb.

If Cat wasn’t drunk she probably would have noticed the way John B raised his eyebrows, the way Kiara rolled her eyes, and the way that Pope smiled softly. She would have noticed the way he caught her as she swayed unsteadily when they hit a wake, how he brought her towel back up on her shoulder when it blew off. 

She probably would have noticed the way JJ looked at her, his eyes devouring every inch of her, his body relaxed for the first time in who knows how long.

--

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[breanime]

Okay okay, since you are asking for drabble requests I have one for you in which one (Billy) of them ate the other(s)’s leftovers without asking, but the reader just starts crying bc she had a shitty day and Billy kind of doesnt know it would end that way.

This was also requested by my love @christinawxxx:  Hi! I have one for you one of them ate the other(s)’s leftovers without asking with Logan or Billy! ( I will shank a bitch if they eat my Mexican food just saying...) Thank you ☺️

And by the sweetest and kindest person ever @songtoyou: one of them ate the other(s)’s leftovers without asking with Billy Russo please.

Thank you all for the request--I hope you like it!

Everything was shit. You had the worst life.

Your boss was being an asshole, demanding more and more from you with each passing hour. You worked through your lunch and stayed after hours to finish your coworkers’ shoddy work without getting even a “thank you” in return.

Your best friend texted you to tell you she was getting back with her asshole ex, which pissed you off, and when you asked her if that was the best decision, she got mad. She texted you: “well, at least I’m not with a murderer!”, which prompted you to take a break from working your ass off to call her and let her know that what she was NOT gonna do was talk shit about Billy. Not to you. She started crying, and then she hung up, so… there was that.

And to top it all off, your train was late, so you were stuck at the station waiting for it to arrive, where you accidentally dropped—and broke!—your phone.

You were ready to cry by the time you finally made it home. Your feet hurt, wedged in your least favorite heels because you’d rushed to work that morning, your back and neck hurt because you’d been hunched over all day, and you were starving—

—but there was a silver lining to all of it: Billy and Mexican food.

Billy had taken you to a nice Mexican restaurant the other night, and you still had some left. You’d purposefully left it at home because it was so good that you only wanted to enjoy it in the comfort of your own home. All you wanted to do was eat your food and then sleep in Billy’s arms. You dropped your purse on the floor when you got home and kicked your shoes off. You could see the light from your room on down the hall, and knew Billy was probably in the back, reading reports or something. You limped over to the fridge, mouth watering at the prospect of your dinner…

…only to find it gone.

You froze, hand on the fridge door, staring into it. Your food was gone. You shut the door and turned, walking down the hall.

“Hey,” Billy greeted you, “Is your phone off? I called and it went straight to voicemail?” He was sitting in bed, wearing one of his comfortable sweaters that usually made you want to hug him, with a magazine in his lap and an empty container next to him.

Your food.

He ate your food.

“Y/N?” He sat up. “You okay?”

You opened your mouth, ready to say that you were fine, but what came out was just a sob. Billy jumped up, eyes wide and surprised—if not a little confused, but you held your hands up, keeping him at bay. You shook your head, the tears falling from your eyes quickly. You didn’t know what to say, so instead, you just let out another shuddering sob and walked out of the room.

“Y/N! Hey, sweetheart—” Billy was behind you, and he put his hand on your shoulder, making you turn around and face him. “—What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, closing your eyes and trying to stop the tears, but you couldn’t. You were just so… disappointed and frustrated and stressed and tired and hungry. “I—I—” your voice was shaking, and it occurred to you that this was the first time Billy had ever seen you cry like this before, and he was probably really confused. “—You ate my food!”

Billy blinked, pulling back a bit. “You’re crying because I ate your leftovers?” He asked.

You shook your head again. “I was looking forward to eating that,” you said, chest heaving, “I was—you just—”

Billy pulled you to him by the shoulders and wrapped his arms around you. You sobbed into his sweater, your tears soaking through the thick fabric. Your whole body was shaking as you cried, and Billy rubbed his hand up and down your back. He smelled so good, and he was so firm and warm against you… You hugged him back, your fists balled up in his shirt. You cried and cried, you couldn’t stop yourself, you were just so tired. But Billy didn’t seem to mind; he held you without complaint, softly humming in your ear to let you know that he was there for you. At one point, he leaned down and picked you up, carrying you to the couch bridal style and laying you in his lap. You turned and buried your face in his neck; you were all out of tears now, so you just leaned against him and let Billy hold you.

You took a steadying breath. “I’m sorry…” You mumbled, throat raw from crying.

“Shh,” he whispered into your hair, “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” He kissed the top of your head, and you felt tears in your eyes again. “Did you have a bad day, baby?” You nodded, and Billy’s grip around you tightened. “I’m sorry,” he said, speaking into your hair, “I’m sorry I ate your food…”

“No,” you looked up at him, and Billy’s frown deepened at how red your eyes were, “I overreacted, it’s okay…”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, hand on your face, “And when you’re ready, I wanna hear about your day, okay?”

You nodded, snuggling closer. “I broke my phone.”

“At work?”

“Mm mm… At the station. My train was late,” you explained, “and some guy ran into me and I dropped it.” You sniffled. “I skipped lunch. I worked through it, and no one even stopped to see if I needed any help…”

He made a noise, and you knew Billy was trying to stop himself from commenting—he wasn’t the biggest fan of your boss or your coworkers.

“My whole body hurts,” you admitted, sniffling once more.

Billy kissed the top of your head again. “Can I make some suggestions?” He asked.

You nodded.

“I’m gonna run you a bath,” he started, “and you’re gonna relax tonight.” He looked down at you, his dark eyes staring into yours. “I’m gonna make a few calls and get you somethin’ to eat…”

“Billy, it’s late.”

“The restaurant owner owes me a favor,” he shrugged, “Don’t worry, baby, you’re getting your enchiladas.”

You chuckled, and Billy grinned, happy to see you smile. “Okay.”

“I’m also gonna take the liberty of calling you off of work tomorrow,” he said, speaking quickly before you could object, “I fucking dare your boss to say no to me.” His grin turned dark. “Actually, I want him to.”

You leaned against his chest. “Billy,” you sighed, smiling.

“That sound good?” He asked, looking down at you.

You nodded, closing your eyes. You were already feeling better—all you needed was to cry in Billy’s arms, but of course, he was going above and beyond. “That sounds perfect,” you sighed. “But can I add something?”

“Anything,” he answered, kissing your head again.

“Can you get in the bath with me?”

He smiled, leaning down and kissing your lips, making your entire body feel like it was floating. “I can do that,” he answered.

A few hours later, after a bubble bath with Billy that turned into soft, slow sex, express delivery Mexican food, and lots and lots of kisses and cuddles, you were in bed with Billy, your head on his naked chest with his arms around you. Your eyelids were heavy, and you sighed happily as Billy pressed kisses to your hairline.

“I ordered you a new phone,” he said, voice low. His hand was trailing up and down your arm, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin. “And I already called your boss.”

“When?” You asked, eyes closing even as you spoke.

“When you were inhaling your food,” he said back with a low chuckle, “He was so impressed with the amount and quality of your work—and I’m quoting him here—that he’s ‘in talks’ to get you the promotion you ‘so obviously deserve’.”

“What?” You sat up, eyes wide. “Really?”

“Yup,” he gently pushed you back down, resuming his caressing of your skin, “He said you can have all the time you want,” he leaned down and kissed you—a long, soft kiss that had your toes curling, “So that gives me all the time I want to make tonight up to you.”

“Billy,” you laughed, “you don’t have to—”

“—I was gonna start with another round of orgasms,” he said, grinning.

“Oh,” you blinked up at him, “well then get busy, Marine.”

Billy laughed, rolling over so that he was on top of you, his body pressing down on yours. You spent the night like that, connecting with Billy as he made love to you until you fell asleep, completely full and sated and relaxed.

The day had started out shitty, but in a matter of hours, Billy had turned it all around.

You really did have the best life.

*******************************************************************************************

Thanks for reading!

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[shannaro-kamo]

Get to know me Tag Tagged by @sasukeuchihayas​ thanks gurlfran Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST: 1. Drink: beer 2. Phone call: my manager 3. Text message: my friend Lexie 4. Song you listened to: My Old Man by Zac Brown Band 5. Time you cried: like 3 weeks ago ish HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: no 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes 8. Been cheated on: no 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed : yes 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: green, blue, yellow IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes  16. Fallen out of love: no 17. Laughed until you cried: yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. Met someone who changed you : yes, pretty much anyone who’s in my life in a significant way—whether for better or worse—has an influence on me 20. Found out who your friends are: yes  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them, most are from my hometown or college 23. Do you have any pets: not currently, but I’ve had like 3 fish bc I have allergies lol 24. Do you want to change your name: no 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: went out to eat w/ my fam and 3 of my friends on my actual bday, went bar hopping in Boston w/ my bf a couple days later 26. What time did you wake up: 9:10 am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: in my bed on my laptop 28. Name something you can’t wait for: having more $$$$$$$ and going on vacation to Switzerland in August  29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 10 min ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: be more hard working, go back to being close w/ a friend I had differences with a couple years ago 31. What are you listening to right now: The rain 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes, my lil cousin Tommy 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the aforementioned friend situation and not having an internship  34. Most visited website: at the moment probably Pokemon Showdown lmfao 35. Mole/s: a few here and there 36. Mark/s: I have a scar on my jaw from when I had a pimple-looking growth removed from it when I was about 10, I have other scars and birthmarks, nothing interesting 37. Childhood dream: artist (ayyy still working on it)  38. Hair color: dirty blonde 39. Long or short hair: medium 40. Do you have a crush on someone: my boyfriend lol and also his cousin and also his brother because they look like him and I am trash  41. What do you like about yourself: I’m p funny and smart and I like my art talent, and I have a nice bone structure  42. Piercings: earlobes 43. Blood type: I don’t know 44. Nickname: Mads, Maddy, Madster (that one was coined by my friend’s problematic bf), Bugs 45. Relationship status: in an exclusive relationship 46. Zodiac: Capricorn 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show(s): Seinfeld, The Office, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Louie, Family Guy, Pokemon, Bob Ross 49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: just skin surgery to remove the thing on my jaw and a mole on my toe and a third nipple my mom was worried might be cancer and my wisdom teeth 52. Hair dyed in different color: just blonde highlights 53. Sport: softball 55. Vacation: In the US I’ve been to California, Florida, Texas, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Vermont, New York, Maine, and obvi my home state Massachusetts. Outside the US I’ve been to Canada, Bahamas, and Aruba. 56. Pair of trainers: like sneakers? one MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: I just ate pasta 58. Drinking: beer and watah 59. I’m about to: finish watching Louis CK 2017 on Netflix 61. Waiting for: when I join my work FB group message so I can find out if my coworker can cover my shift so I can visit my friend and go to NYC next weekend 62. Want: $$$$$ and to go to London for the spring semester for study abroad and a Graphic Design internship/job would b nice 63. Get married: hopefully 64. Career: Graphic Designer / employee in a museum WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: why not both 66. Lips or eyes: why not both 67. Shorter or taller: my bf is my height so apparently I don’t care lol 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms probably 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: either HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: yes 75. Drank hard liquor: yes I love 2 drink 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: sunglasses, yes 77. Turned someone down: yes 78. Sex on the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: probably my best friend’s when we got into a nasty fight, romantically idek my first bf was crazy 80. Had your heart broken: yes 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: yes DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: “a little yes and a little no?????? Idk??? I operate by pretending the future doesn’t exist so I don’t have time to think that way” - Ruby, my thoughts exactly 85. Miracles: yes, ish? 86. Love at first sight: no 87. Santa Claus: no 88. Kiss on the first date: probably not OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Lexie, Abby, Calli, Andrew :) 91. Eye color: blue-gray 92. Favorite movie: probably Grease I tag @sasu-thirst @gaara-nara @team7fangirl @sakuraharunocha @cornelia1992 @queenofkunoichis @omgsakuraqueen @sauce-cherry I’d tag more but a lot of ppl have already been tagged and I’m lazy lol 

[sumergosuigeneris]

April 18, 2019 Part I

I love the way The Kids are Alright talks about kids.

Yesterday was exhausting.

I got up early enough to make it to work by 8:15-ish am. Yay! Got all the food set up on time. The talk by boss1 and boss2 was kind of enraging. And I haven’t really been able to talk to anyone about it yet. Not completely. Thankful for here!

Boss1 talked first. He talked about what his new job was gonna be, and how he was still gonna be very embedded with our group, and his vision for the group, which is gonna be very much research-based. It sounded like a) he isn’t really leaving, and b) the group will continue to be his own personal research group, but with more research and more faculty. He did this by talking about how much research and stuff the group has taken on in the years since he’s been there. He talked research a lot. But I felt like he blew my peeps’ group off! And they’re the research group! Also, he talked about how they’re trying to start a department, in a few years, and he expected the dept to be a large part of it. Again, without talking about the research group. Boss2 spoke and basically validated everything he said. All of this is different from what Boss2 had me expecting, so I got pretty upset. What it seemed is there are competing visions for how this split is gonna go, and despite what the brass want, Boss1 was going to continue to push his vision.

The final reason I was genuinely upset - he never actually thanked the dept for what it’s done for him and his career. I talked to someone after and she said he sort of did. That’s not really acceptable.

Then the questions, a lot of which were stupid. Suck up communications person (who always puts her work on me ( I mean, not always, but def when I started, etc) asked about his job. Who cares? This is supposed to be about the dept, not him?

After the meeting, the girl I’m pro/con about immediately went up to Boss2. Suck up. I actually, in the course of all my upsetness, decided to interrupt them. A tiny powerplay (that could have backfired). But also, I was freaking out a little and wanted to talk to Boss2 while it was possible to have a chance. Anyway, she sort of walked herself back a little/validated the meeting. But I told her that while I know I don’t really have any say, he’s trying to keep me for realsy, and I just don’t think the split is tenable. I said I prefer to be 100% either way. So, she’s got the big meeting on Monday. I also freaked out a bit b/c their was a minor issue with the corporate credit card. Not actually my fault, but for a minute it made me feel like I looked bad. Luckily, I didn’t do anything wrong, so we were able to talk it out. Apparently, the proper settings for the corporate credit card aren’t automatic for anyone, including dept heads. We fixed it.

Oh, and I found out that the group, what did I call them? Oh well, I’ll call them J group, some of them found out even further in advance than the day before! From clients?!?!?!?!

I had my shrink appt today. I ended up with us getting some free food, so I was trying to take care of it, so everyone didn’t steal it without me getting any. But a student came in who was late for a meeting (his english was very bad, relatively speaking) and was in the wrong location and freaking out. So, since i had to pop across town anyway, I went with him to get him where he’s going. And was 10 minutes early for my appointment!

I did see milquetoast. He may not have seen me, but I suspect he did glance over me. That was weird. The appointment went okay. Shrink didn’t know about the drama of the therapy ending, and gave me a chance to tell her. And said we were good. And if I did want to go back, she’d make sure it happened (but she said it discreetly lol). That was kind of awesome. But I’m smart enough to know this was a good thing really. We talked about my suspicion that I need a different kind of therapy. We talked about the fact that I probably need to stay on the meds at the levels I’m at, and pursue therapy. I was able to talk about how I hate it, but given a) my insistence on no addicting meds, and b) the issues with experimenting with new drugs, and c) I haven’t gotten everything possible out of therapy, it just makes sense. It was my decision. I think she would have pushed back if she thought it was a bad decision. Or if I wanted something bad, she might have tried to get me to come around to this decision lol. Also, her year ends at the end of June, so...I got my announcement long enough in advance to process lol. I cried in there. So yeah, I’m not in a great place, but it is what it is. There’s no miracle cure.

I waited around trying to meet with the J team and see if their manager had any news. But I didn’t have my laptop so I couldn’t work and I put a time limit on waiting. Chatted with used to be almost friends coworker. She’s the one that thinks he said thanks. Eh. Some people are worried about their jobs. She’s on a grant, so the thing she was worried about was whether boss1 is staying on it. He is, so she’s happy - too many new people on their group right now for her to welcome change.

Then I went to a place I’ve been avoiding 6 months for fear of seeing anyone I know, with two of the group. The only thing they could say was that they weren’t concerned about there being a new dept without them, because a) it’s years down the line, and b)they’d have to hire faculty (said as if they thought the u wouldn’t). I disabused them of that. Anyway, they’re not worried.

Okay. Whatever.

Got back and work friend was finally out of the manager’s office. I had to get back to location 2, so we walked outside together. I had to tease it all out of her, but yes, they are not allowed to pursue their own research agendas any longer - which is a major impact on 3, maybe 4 careers. Hopefully I’ll get the rest of the scoop today. And hopefully better answers on Monday. She did touch me again, and it’s getting frustrating. It’s not hugs, but damn it.

No one touched the food at my desk, but as soon as they saw I’d put it in the fridge, people were freaking out! I was planning on bringing it over to location1 b/c they liked it and never get leftovers, but that was kaboshed.

I met a few deadlines. The latinx group thing was a piece of work! After everything we went through to get them to use the corporate credit card, they told us they wouldn’t use it. And we had to give them a ton of justification. It took me some time to get untired, and focused, but I got it done, and it was good. I overdid the hell out of it because it’s fucking ridiculous. OUR BUDGET WAS APPROVED ALREADY!!!!!!!!! Just to send 9 people to fucking (cheap) conference.

And trying to get a bunch of last minute shit done. I stayed until 5:30pm! I would have stayed later, but I was wiped. Also, I forgot to mention. The day started off overcast and chilly - and ended up kind of muggy and warm. So I was hot as hell with all the running around. I walked between locations 1 & 2 but I almost didn’t bc it was so warm. And after work, I wanted/knew i needed to go for a walk to physically process the day. But I also knew that if I drove home to go for a walk, I wouldn’t. So I walked at work. I’ve been meaning to for the whole 1 1/2 year I’ve been there, but never did. I finally did last night. It was different. The view was nice. But I’m not a fan for walking. Biking yes, and maybe rollerblading. It was too straight, so it always seemed I’d gone farther than I actually had, and boring outside of the view. And it’s right next to a highway, so loud as hell. But I’m glad I went. But boy were my feet TIRED.

I went back to work with pettiness on my mind. I had decided that since I couldn’t take all the leftovers to location1, I’d take some of the pastries, and eat the hell out of the fruit plate. And I did. I had an italian beer - yummy, and 1 pastry, and ate so.much.fruit. I made myself sick but it was a definite impact on the fruit lol. So petty. I’d wanted a hamburger, but I was so full by the fruit, I couldn’t do it. I got home, vegged for a few bit, and bed. I’m also bummed to say, none of my twits took off. Not even my bracket. :( There’s got to be an algorithm.

I got up today and actually made myself put in a load of laundry!

[forestgf]

i was tagged by @insert-teenage-angst-here and @willtostitos to do 85 statements!! thank u very much ❤️

i tag anyone who wants to do this! (only bc its a LOT and i dont wanna tag anyone & make them feel like they have to do it! do it of ur own free will)

1) DRINK? im stealing lily’s answer but water

2) PHONE CALL? depends on the person

3) TEXT MESSAGE? only w/ ppl im comfortable with otherwise i get really uncomfortable and nervous 

4) LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? i want you to know that i’m awake/i hope that you’re asleep by csh

5) LAST TIME YOU CRIED? yesterday

6) DATED SOMEONE TWICE? nope

7) EVER KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT? nah

8) BEEN CHEATED ON? i think so but i can’t be sure

9) LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL? yes

10) BEEN DEPRESSED? hooooo boy have i ever

11) GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP? nope

FAVORITE COLORS? 

12) green 13) pink 14) orange

in the last year have you…

15) MADE NEW FRIENDS? yes

16) FALLEN IN LOVE? maybe???

17) LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED? yeah

18) FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU? mhm

19) MET SOMEONE THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE? yes

20) FOUND OUT WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE? yeS

21) KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST? i dont have facebook but i havent kissed anyone period so... no :’(

22) HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE? none since i dont fuckin have facebook

23) DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yes i have a cat and i dog and i love them with my whole entire heart

24) DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME? hell yea i do i really dont like my full birth name

25) WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY PARTY? just went to the mall i think

26) WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP? like 7am but i was in a hotel w/ my fam normally i wake up at 12 pm

27) WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT? sleepin

28) SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR? my college tour so i can stop worrying abt it

29) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM? just like less than an hour ago

30) WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? nothing

31) HAVE YOU EVER TALK TO A PERSON NAMED TOM? yes?? my dad’s coworker is named tom

32) SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES? when ppl patronize me or talk down to me

33) MOST VISITED WEBSITE? tumblr or youtube

34) HAIR COLOR? currently brown

35) LONG OR SHORT HAIR? i like keeping it shorter but right now its not THAT short just sort of short,, im thinkin abt going back to really short hair though

36) DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE? i wish

37) WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? i have good ass legs and also (i think?) im a good person and i love being nice

38) PIERCING? just my ears

39) BLOOD TYPE? i dont even know

40) NICKNAMES? cass is technically a nickname?? also cassie and casper

41) RELATIONSHIP STATUS? uuuuuhhh

42) ZODIAC? sagittarius

43) PRONOUNS? they/them

44) FAVORITE TV SHOWS? mr robot, brooklyn nine nine, steven universe though i really gotta catch up on all of them lol (dont let me get involved in the su discourse for telling ppl this please @ god)

45) TATTOOS? theoretically yea but like... needles??? no thanks

46) RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED? right

47) SURGERIES? i had one on my hand to remove a growth and it wasnt anything serious but im terrified of hospitals so it was serious to me

48) KIDS? no thanks

49) SPORTS? no

50) VACATION? i like being at home better

51) PAIR OF TRAINERS? most of the time converse but my nike shoes from gym in freshman year if im feelin saucy and/or my feet hurt

52) EATING? i do it to live?? thats abt it

53) DRINKING? i drink so much water one day im gonna explode and all that will come out is water

54) I’M ABOUT TO? skype w/ ahna (i think)

55) WAITING FOR? my life to end

56) WANT? to go see ahna

57) GET MARRIED? initially i thought no but getting married would b cute and im a romantic so... grudgingly yes

58) CAREER? uuuuuhh something to do with science? thats all i got

59) HUGS OR KISSES? hugs i dont know fuck all abt kisses

60) EYES OR LIPS? eyes

61) TALLER OR SHORTER? both work for me

62) OLDER OR YOUNGER? most of the time older but not always.. just no major age gaps

63) NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH? i dont care when it comes to other ppl but for my own body personally i want both

64) HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP? relationship

65) TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT? i dont know if this is abt me or who i want my partner to be?? im hesitant but i would want a troublemaker partner to make me stop being so boring

66) KISSED A STRANGER? nope

67) DRANK HARD LIQUOR? once when my dad let me have a sip of his drink w/out tellin me it was vodka. that doesnt really count tho it was only one sip

68) LOST GLASSES/CONTACTS? yep

69) TURNED SOMEONE DOWN? mhm

70) SEX ON THE FIRST DATE? nooo

71) BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? maybe? i don’t really know

72) HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN? every day of my life (but actually.. A Lot)

73) BEEN ARRESTED? nope

74) CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED? yes

75) FALLEN FOR A FRIEND? yeaaaaah do you believe in…

76) YOURSELF? sort of

77) MIRACLES? not really

78) LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? in certain cases

79) SANTA CLAUSE? nope

80) KISS ON THE FIRST DATE? yes

81) ANGELS? no

other

82) CURRENT BEST FRIENDS’ NAMES? if u havent guessed already... ahna and lily (and keara!!! havent mentioned her on here yet tho)

83) EYE COLOR? hazel

84) FAVORITE MOVIES? the royal tenenbaums, my neighbor totoro (im aware im a basic bitch), kubo and the two strings

85) FAVORITE BOOK? dont really have one