So I heard that Tumblr is slowly being abandoned (they seem to be laying off a majority of their staff and keeping a skeleton crew) and we might be nearing the end of this webbed site. I don't think it's currently worth panicking over, but I'm definitely going to start making that neocities website.
I'll make a post soon about other places where you can find me. Unfortunately, I've spent quite some time these last couple years getting rid of a majority of my social media because most platforms were bad for my mental health. I do not plan on going back to these platforms, so if tumblr goes down, I'm going to be only on non social media.
Maybe if one of the new social medias being created, actually take off (like bluesky or pillowfort or whatever else these days) I might join, but if not I might be entirely on personal websites, patreon (I will start posting regularly like a blog and make more free posts), some old websites I deleted but not because I hated them (such as ko-fi, which I deleted due to inactivity) and possibly furaffinity. I'm still on the fence about furaffinity. I might also finally start using my toyhouse but that is an oc sharing website and not much of an art sharing website.
I really do hope Tumblr doesn't go down, this is my one social media and if it does go down I am going to lose nearly all of my audience. I can make do by creating a personal blog and using whatever I have left in terms of "can post my art there and people can find me", and it won't discourage me from making my personal projects. I can make do, and I will make do, but I don't really want to make do.
Anyways, that's all I have to say right now, I'll make a post later once I set up some alternative sites to find me at, but for now I want to give the heads up that if I'm gone, you're not gonna find me on twitter, Instagram, or whatever third option there is. I'm likely going to just make do, be offline more, and likely just become active on the discord servers I'm on.
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I know I just finished saying I like this fandom, but. We definitely still have our full quota of subtle fandom misogyny.
For example, the internet's two ~favorite~ characters are Astarion and Karlach, supposedly. But start a conversation about Astarion, and get six thousand pages of gushing essays about his trauma and his perspective and the subtle contradictions in his behavior and a universal acknowledgement that the way he sees the world is warped by his experiences and his perspective and what that means for him and endless pondering about what sex means for him and what violence means for him and when his decisions are right and when they're irrational and how he'd react to things and what he really means when he says or does this and and and and and....
Start a conversation about Karlach, who has every single bit of that complexity, and the best you'll get is "Muscle Mommy Hot 🥵💦" and the worst you'll get is "I've somehow taken every single word Karlach says in this game completely at face value and yet I confidently believe that you're the one who is wrong about her for thinking she has a shred of development or depth."
The default majority take on Karlach, in this game where she is the only ace-friendly romance option, is that she's the horniest character on the team. The default majority take on Karlach, in this game that is about trauma, and helping your companions not do stupid things because of the warped perspectives left by their trauma, is that when she says she'd rather die than go back to Avernus that's a simple, rational, informed, healthy judgement that should not be questioned. The default majority take on Karlach, in this game about murderers saving the world, is that she's a cinnamon roll who's never done anything wrong. The default majority take is that Karlach's entire character begins and ends with the things that she says to your face.
And then that same majority will turn around and write fifteen hundred words about how Astarion's fear is driving his desperation about Ascension at the drop of a hat, and not even notice the discrepancy.
And you know what? I do genuinely believe that people like Karlach. We've come a long way from the days of ATG fantasy where every single female character was a bitch or a harpy or a Mary Sue or a boring doormat getting in the way of the sexy white boys we were actually here for. We can be enthusiastic about them and say nice things and genuinely enjoy having them around. We can actually like them! It's just that "liking" a female character and "liking" a male character are still. Apparently. Very different things.
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sub bucky on a leash?? ugh torturing him w a vibrator as he calls you ma'am and begs you to let him come, using the leash to pull him forward so you can slap him and coo at your little puppy 🥺
I can’t get this fucking thought out of my head, why is this so hot?
Like subby Bucky who just wants to be totally dommed with a pretty pink collar around his neck that's attached to a matching pink leash. Maybe little dog tags that tinkle when he moves. Maybe they have your name engraved on them too, just so he remembers he's fucking owned.
And the way he'd whimper when you tug on the leash and press his face against your pussy. He'd lick you like he's starving, moaning with every sharp tug on his hair and thriving off the way you taunt him. "Stupid little puppy, aren't you? You just want to lick until you've had enough." You try to keep your composure as you're teasing him but God, it's too good. He's frantic, almost overwhelmed and he looks so beautiful like this.
"Yes ma'am." He pants breathlessly, looking up at you with tousled hair and blown out pupils. You know he's achingly hard. You don't even need to see him to know his cock is heavy and twitching between his thighs, begging to be touched but all his attention is still on you.
"You're fucking pathetic." You hiss, tugging his hair back so damn hard, making him look up at you before your free hand strikes his cheek. You don't hit him hard, just enough to sting pleasantly but it's enough to make him moan like a slut.
"Please. Fucking. Touch me." His voice is soft, barely louder than a breath because all that composure he usually has is gone. He's not far off begging but it's so much more fun when you get him all the way.
"Why would I touch you? You're my slutty little puppy, aren't you? You're just here to please me." The gentle reminder makes his eyes roll back in his head and he's humming nice and low because his resolve is slipping. "You forget that this collar means you're mine? Even with the pretty tags? Fuck, you go stupid when you're horny like this."
You're not far wrong and he knows it because he feels stupid. The only thoughts in his head are of getting you off and getting himself off and he knows that exact order will be the most rewarding.
"P-please let me cum." He sounds so broken, looking up at you with the gentlest eyes and oh, that's him begging.
You can't help but smirk at him, watching how he trails kisses up the insides of your thighs like that will change your mind in the slightest.
"No, baby. I want to cum first and I want to cum so fucking hard you make me see stars." You smirk, tugging his head back where you want it and while it's not exactly what he begged for, it's the next best thing.
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Sick of this shit so I'm putting this under read for yall to read. THIS IS LONG AND I'M SICK OF REPEATING MYSELF
I still find it funny these people are still lying to people and telling people I'm "this" and I'm not "this" and then saying I haven't apologised for my actions when I had my breakdown and shit when I did.
Stop. Lying. To People. I apologisesd on my Tsukasa account after I was finally able to get out of bed.
Stop telling people I'm using my BPD as an excuse when I NEVER DID SUCH A THING.
Just stop already. "You and your friends are seriously bunkers at this point.
I express my BPD experiences on my personal accounts. THEY DON'T ALWAYS BE ABOUT YOU.
Because, AGAIN, people demonise the fuck out of BPD. Like you are doing. You didn't ask me any questions. You are assuming I'm doing things because you're still fucking mad that I'm still mad about you literally DEFAMING AND DEMONISING ME.
I am allowed to be mad. I am allowed to have emotions and you can't just go around telling people that I'm doing this because of stuff like "attention". THIS IS THE PROBLEM.
And I was never looking at your profiles until after I accidentally clicked on akubegone's url and saw her reposting Riri's shitty take on the situation.
Your friends literally called me red flags in a server because I left the damn server and deleted everyone after having a meltdown. You, Riri, yelled at me right after your friend yelled at me to stop talking about you and said they were going to leave me.
TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS DELETED ME EARLIER BEFORE THIS BECAUSE OF ME WANTING TO KILL MYSELF. I was in a bad place for MONTHS. I was trying to grab your attention that day because you were like the only one I wanted to talk to about how I felt and you ignored me for days on end.
As someone with a LOT of trauma, I have been abandoned so fucking much! Feeling all that in a small amount of time was hurtful to me and made me want to leave everyone!
THEN YOU DECIDED TO TELL PEOPLE I BLOCKED EVERYONE? I only deleted everyone.
THEN YOU DECIDED TO TELL PEOPLE THAT I WANTED YOU AS A THERAPIST? I never said that shit to you nor have I acted like that to you. I was freaking the fuck out that day.
Do you know how hard it is to have so much on your mind from Aku to Star then to you wanting to kill yourself because of all the drama that happened in those past months? I WAS FUCKING STRUGGLING. I was trying so hard to help you with your thing because I am very dedicated to friends. So doing all that shit for you made me feel drained. Then Star and her friends putting me on her list and people avoiding me because I helped you made me feel like shit because again I SUFFER FROM SEVERE ABANDONMENT ISSUES.
That's when I thought about killing myself. That's when all this shit happened. That's when you decided to avoid me for days without even explaining yourself to me personally by the way.
Then after this shit your friend came to a post on my twitter that was me expressing my BPD experience as a whole and tried to say something to me there. I blocked them. I went to them on another site and told them something and that's when they were assuming more things about me like being unmedicated and not having a therapist and so on. I have medication. I have a therapist. IT'S NOT THAT EASY TO GET THROUGH LOTS OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMA.
Need I remind you that I don't just have BPD but a lot of other mental disorders and health problems, which fucks with me as well!
Oh, and before you say I turned into a drama blog, you told me that already. I didn't care when you said it. Nor do I care now. I did what I had to do with my goofwithmuses account and that was to call out Aku before I left roleplaying on tumblr for good. Then I helped call Star out. Then all this shit happened with you lying and vaguing about me as well.
And fyi, I am back on a childhood trauma site thanks to your bullshit. I still want to write but I can't with you spreading malicious false information in an area I love writing in; writing puts me in a mindspace where I am completely happy. So I had to resort to going back to roleplayer.me a site that started all my abandonment, paedophilic, and other trauma.
AND STOP ASSUMING I WANT YOU TO STRAIGHT UP DROP EVERYTHING FOR ME. But it would be great if you, I don't know tell me if you're leaving me. Like I have no problem with people leaving me, but if I'm struggling and shit and you just straight up go "woosh" with no sign that's just adding on to to a lot. COMMUNICATE PEOPLE. That's the damn problem. I'm fine when people tell me shit! I already know how obnoxious I can be. You can tell me if you don't want me around, but tell me in a calm way. Or you can like mute me, because, you know, that's a discord option. I like to send things that I believe people will like.
SIDENOTE: The people who left me as I had a sucidal breadown said NOTHING to me before they left. They just up and left. If you are leaving someone in a breakdown at least say something to the person. If you leave them without saying something you are an arse. Why I say this? Because this adds on to their trauma and mentality and makes their mind worse.
Riri would constantly ask me to "ask Lucifer". Every time that happened I told her to do it herself. If you worked with Lucifer you wouldn't be constantly asking me to ask Lucifer for your stupid questions about Star.
Friendly Reminder for myself: I met Riri's friends DURING all the drama that happened. That was within the 4-5 months. I don't really have any qualms towards them besides the invading my personal space bit and lying bit.
I had met Riri years ago through someone else and she was also avoiding me unless I had said something about Aku's new profiles. Plus there was her always making new accounts and deleting and changing her name constantly which bothered me as most people that do that tend to try and dodge something. I was going to delete her a long time ago before the stuff happened because of this.
I just remembered that Riri used her dead friend, and said she spoked to them, as a means to want to hex and get back at Star. And she hexed people a lot, claiming Lucifer told her to do so; which he he wouldn't enable people to do. So yeah, no I'm glad I'm not dealing with these people anymore.
Riri also misgendered me once and blamed it on Lucifer saying he called me he/him.
Anyway, fuck you and your friends. Props to my brother for being there with me through this shit and props to the rest of my friends to reassure me. And the fact that you guys keep misspelling my name says something; you never gave a shit about me. Especially when my name is just THREE LETTERS.
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My printer hates me :) (with many thanks and credit to @niennanir as before)
Gosh aren’t they gorgeous tho ♥ Especially the latest and largest, though I have to give all the credit to the paper on that one haha, it’s stunning IRL, I could almost stare at the gold lattice forever rather than read, but I’m so happy with how it turned out between the pages as well!
Quick showcase of the new additions! :D
My Drinking Game as another test run, I got the spacing how I wanted it! Yay! It’s so much handsomer and less cramped! Also I gotta say, if it wasn’t such a large usage of paper, this would be my ideal way of checking for typos - I found a couple after setting it down to ink lol, they’ve been fixed now at least ♪
Paired here with the emerge, transformed three-parter, one of my all-time-favourites <3 I reread it the night I finished it and cried again, a little bit of tender mercy always wrecks me hhhh ♥ There are so many beautiful evocative lines! I’m so happy to hold it ♪ And as you can see above, that was the one that got the cute little ghost dust jacket :D
Another test run of what I’m calling volume 1 of my Vargas Drabbles lol, so not including Have you lost your mind? since that one’s currently unfinished. I do fully intend to print it once it’s done tho :3c Hopefully that one will cause me fewer problems! I hate measuring, so I may have flubbed two covers before finally getting this one into good enough shape XP And my red yarn is still in storage so >.> Did I go purchase another ball of red yarn? I’ll never tell. You can’t tell me it doesn’t look great as a bookmark tho <3
And my current happiest! Ah!! It turned out fantastic on all counts! The cover paper obviously, as I couldn’t Not lead with that, but also the size of the spine and the way the pages settled against each other while glueing - I used a different type of paper for this one and I think I’m completely converted over, it feels amazing to work with. Whatever I was using before had to have been like 15lbs lol, I’m literally just using normal 20lb printer paper but it feels and looks and behaves so much nicer <3
The size of Helix also allowed for a slightly larger bookmark, which was perfect because we had this soft gold ribbon that was all of a couple millimeters wider than the other ribbons/yarn I’d been using, and it looks so so so pretty with the gold detailing!! I’ve put it between Ch. 1 and 2 and getting to see the actual physical size differences of the chapters is so fun ♥
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