#i did Not say that my ex-best friend kicks the dog because. i wasn't feeling that spicy

[agendabymooner]

SOMETHING UNEXPECTED !!! GEORGE R. X FEM!READER (18+)

summary: their friendship wasn't the only thing that took an unexpected turn. but it wasn't anything that they wanted to complain about.

content warning: smut under the cut (minors dni!), use of explicit language, best friends to lovers-ish, dom!george, brief degradation, overstimulation, fingering, p in v, brief impact play, mentions oral sex (m receiving), dacryphilia (???) aftercare, mentioned past relationship, filthy filthy george 🙃

song rec: outside by bryson tiller (i have a driver specific prompt written hehe)

note: so like... george got the dog in him, canonically. also, 20 smut pieces??? 😳 enjoy xx

something sinful (smut) masterlist

a - n masterlist

o - z masterlist

if you’d like to get on one of my taglists, check this post out

george russell had always known that her ex was a fucking prick. but to hear that her ex kept calling her, asking for forgiveness was another level of stupidity that george hadn’t expected. 

he had been her best friend long before he became a professional driver and he knew her all too well. he listened to her vent left and right— he knew her inside and out.

so george didn’t understand why she was still here, sulking in their booth as if the dance floor wasn’t calling for her. he had managed to get her out of her room and dressed up for tonight— she looked so amazing. so why was she here sulking over some man who wasn’t even worth half of her? 

“you ought to let loose, doll,” george leaned and whispered in her ear. her head immediately turned to look at him as he shrugged nonchalantly, “‘m just saying. that man is a prick.”

“i know he is, russell,” she huffed, kicking him lightly under the table. “there’s no need to tell me how much time i’ve wasted on him.” 

“well it’s not the matter of the time you’ve wasted on him before,” george told her with a smirk, extending his hand towards her direction as she grabbed it. 

he took her to the dance floor, standing behind her as they both danced amongst the sweaty bodies that wished for nothing but to let go of their worries and stress. 

the british man continued as he nibbled on her ear, “it’s the matter of time that you’re wasting on him now.” 

“george—“ she almost sighed at the feeling of his mouth, making him shush her. 

“don’t think about him now, love,” he murmured quietly, resting his hands on her hips as they both swayed their bodies to the club music. “it’s all about you and you're moving on from him.” 

“do you treat all of your friends like this, george?” she whispered back, leaning her head back to whisper in his ear. she was intoxicated by his touch and his words. it was hilarious how long before her previous relationship, she was willing to give it up for her best friend— and such feelings resurfaced now. 

she loathed george’s presence. his hilarious self, his blue eyes, his being. she hated him because he could make her feel things that friends shouldn’t feel.

his face feigned innocence as he asked, “like what?”

“like you want to fuck and love them more than their exes ever did,” she raised a brow and spoke bluntly. her bewildered feeling hadn’t stopped her from looking up at him with the same curiosity that she held as she asked him. 

he was just as shocked as she was, yet he remained where he stood. his eyes darkened at the way her words let those filthy thoughts out, unable to keep his thoughts contained as he answered truthfully, “only when i know their worth.” 

“you’ve spoken about how unsatisfied you felt with him,” he continued, his low tone sending chills down her spine as she looked ahead of her. “especially when he doesn’t listen to what you wanted to try in bed— those filthy thoughts of yours that he never listened to.” 

“i think about it a lot,” he hummed, his lips still fanning her ear as he spoke, “i think about those days when you overshared your thoughts and your fantasies in bed to me. and how you’d feel about him once that i fuck you the way you want to be fucked— if you’d ever think about him at all.” 

she almost whimpered at the words he let out, earning a chuckle from him as george laughed quietly. “you’re worth more than some daft bastard who wouldn’t even give in to your needs for once, darling.” 

“george…”

“hm?” he hummed again, both their bodies burning in desire, lust, and prolonged yearning as he held her closer. 

“fuck me,” she pleaded quietly, “make my body yours, george. please.”

“who am i to deny you that?” he chuckled again, nipping at her neck this time as he murmured, “don’t worry, sweetheart, i’ll make sure you’re so fucked out that you wouldn’t think of anyone but yourself and me.” 

she hadn’t expected this from george. 

she had always known that he had his mean streak, but to be on the receiving end of that behaviour was what she hadn’t expected from him. though she wasn’t sure if it was mean of him to keep her body overstimulated from the amount of times he’d given her orgasms just by finger fucking her. 

her ex hadn’t even given her any long before they’d broken up.

her legs shook violently as the room was filled with squelching noises, sobs escaping her throat while she kept her head down against the soft mattress. 

the white sheets under her contrasted with how he fucked her with his fingers. who would’ve thought that the sweetest bastard to have existed would even be this domineering in bed? 

she couldn’t even think right now; she was eager to have his cock inside her after she’d gotten a taste of it earlier. 

her pussy throbbed against his fingers as he curled them up inside her, george’s other hand holding her cheeks apart to watch her cum drip down her legs. 

“geo- ngh~ god,” she whimpered against the mattress, her head moving to the side to try and get a look at his lustful smile. he seemed to be enjoying himself, fucking her from behind like he hadn’t just given her multiple orgasms in two hours. “pleaseeee— want your cock so bad.”

“oh? you want my cock, darling?” george asked, his fingers still thrusting inside her slowly as she whined. “thought you just wanted to get off?” 

“go- no,” she cried out, her legs wriggling against his touch before she moaned at the impact of his palm against her dripping cunt.

“stop moving,” george muttered, “you’re makin’ it hard f’me.”

“george, please,” she babbled incoherently, “want your cock so bad— please, please fuck me.”

she almost cried at the feeling of emptiness when george pulled his fingers out, walking around to pull her up. 

george propped her head up against his hand, silently observing the mess that he had made of her.

she always looked so pretty without makeup, he thought to himself. yet there was a sinful part of him that loved the smudge of her mascara and lipstick after fucking her mouth and making her cry for pleasure.

she always looked pretty, but seeing her so desperate and eager to submit to him made him realize how neglected she was before. george could only pity her ex for missing out on her. 

“y’look so pretty, did you know that?” george murmured, wiping the stains off her face as he continued, “so eager to lose control of your body— did he ever make you feel like this?” 

she felt nothing but haze and happiness that she hadn’t realized he was asking a question. her head snapped when he gave her face a light slap and demanded, “answer me, princess.”

“wh- i—“ she stammered, leaving george to chuckle.

“you sound so pathetic, sweetheart,” he cooed mockingly. “you’ve always wanted to give up your control of your body and he wouldn’t give it— and now you’re so lost that you can’t even hear me. d’ya want my cock that bad?”

she nodded, the grip on her chin restraining her from showing her eagerness as she begged, “yes, yes— please. put it in my mouth— my cunt, please george.” 

she didn’t expect this from george— the way he manhandled her body like she weighed nothing as he pulled her to the edge of the bed and bent her over. she hadn’t expected him to bottom out inside her cunt in one swift move, earning a deep groan from him as he swore silently. 

buzz… buzz… buzz…

george thrusted inside of her, hearing her scream and cry for more while he slid his cock past through the sensitive spot until his tip reached her cervix. 

“oh- fuck,” george swore. “such a good fucking pussy. it’s like you’re made for me.” 

“yes, yeah- i— george, please fuck me harder,” she sobbed, her eyes shutting tight as adrenaline rushed through her body. her face flushed at the heat of their bodies as she felt his cock inside her. 

“this cunt is made for me, yeah?” george taunted her, “this is mine only?” 

“yes, i— god~ fuck— yes, it’s yours,” she moaned, “yours only.”

buzz… buzz… buzz…

george reached for her phone, too pissed off at the vibration. 

“good,” he heaved, his hips snapping against hers as she cried aloud. “because i don’t like to share what’s mine— ‘m gonna make sure you belong to me only, got that, princess?”

“yes! fuck! george,” she babbled, “hah~ ‘s yours only, i promise! wanna make you mine a- wanna be yours! god! fuck me.”

“i’m yours, sweetheart— oh fuckin’ ‘ell,” george moaned, “so tight around me. you gonna cum?” 

“yes, ‘m gonna— please cum with me, georgie,” she whined, her body slowly convulsing against him as he continued to thrust— his pace now speeding up as they both reached their highs. “gonna cum, gonna cum! ngh~ ah- hah cum with me please!” 

“let go f’me darling,” he murmured, letting out a choked sigh as his cock twitched inside of her. she let out a sigh as her body shook, whimpering quietly as she reached her orgasm. 

hearing her cry about the emptiness inside of her made george smile, pulling out slowly before gently laying her limped body down on the mattress.

she had only nodded when he pressed a kiss on her forehead and said that he’d be back with a damp towel, her eyes trained on her phone which laid on the mattress. 

funny, she thought with a puzzled look, it was on the bedside table earlier. 

she took it and saw the first text that she received.

max verstappen: already fucking your best friend after we’d broken up? 

max verstappen: i expected better from you. 

she scoffed haughtily, eyes finding george’s as he gave her a worried look. she texted her ex boyfriend back quickly.

💗: he knows more about what i want better than you did.

she then tossed her phone aside as george walked back to the bed and started helping her clean up. 

“‘m not lying you know,” she mumbled, offering george a grateful smile once he finished cleaning her up. she then said, “when i said i wanna be yours.”

“oh i know you’re not lying,” he chuckled silently, pulling the comforter over her naked body as he snuggled with her. “i also meant it when i said that i’m yours.”

it was safe to say that neither of them had expected to like each other like this, either. but it wasn’t anything that they wouldn’t welcome with open arms. 

after all, nobody knew each other as much as they did. not even her shitty world champion ex boyfriend.

♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @topguncultleader @enhacolor @roseandtulips @woweewoowa

♡   moony’s reminder 🅴 (explicit edition): @glitterf1

[vibeforce]

achievements of the day: woke up, still alive, did both steroid gargles, brushed teeth x2, took morning meds, took care of dogs in the morning and gave them goodbye loves, got my point across without getting hurt, got to see my babies again (!!!!!!!!!) and they missed me a ton, took a cleansing shower, called imaging place to schedule ct scan, cooked and ate a yummy dinner (and had a cocktail, i deserve it!), got to be with my girls all day, took night meds, flossed

[i-need-air]

Truthful mess.

Summary: Truth quirk shenanigans. HCs type with Bakugou, Kirishima, Shouto and Shinsou.

Note: Still don't know how to add "Read more" on phone, still need to make a masterlist. At least I have coffee. [I’M DOING BOTH RN, BE PROUD;;;LOOKATTHEReADMORE] Ty for reading! ♥

Bakugou Katsuki:

× well, shit

× he fucked up real bad and now he had to pay for it

× noticed something was wrong when he thanked Kirishima for saving his life instead of giving him the usual snappy attitude

× made the redhead promise to keep the secret or he'll kill him

× seriously kill and incinerate his body and was 100% serious about it

× Bakugou tried his hardest to keep his mouth shut and everything went okay until you just existed in the same room at him

× he'd just get the fuck out because all he wanted to tell you was how good you looked in whatever you were wearing or how beautiful your face was when kissed by the rays of sunshine and he was so confused

× he literally wanted to word vomit all of that

× thankfully the police arresting the mf that did this to him informed Katsuki about the effects of the quirk itself

× approximately 3 days of spilling truths

× he could handle that

× easy

× but not really; the less he talked the more he needed to spill out his mind

× he'd still snap at people, they were just dumb and he voiced that but

× well, hello there, [y/n]

× he prays you don't waltz around him

× life can be a bitch though

× it happened while training, Cementos made an area for each of you to improve your quirks and guess what? you're placed just by his side

× you just waved at him and he ignored you

× asshole much; until you kick-dropped and broke a big piece of cement in half

× "Fuck, that was so sexy..."

× your head turned slowly towards Bakugou because that was his voice, definitely, no doubt

× but it was raspy and low and it did some things to your, ehem, lowers and holy shit

× Bakugou looked like a deer caught in the highlights; he was full "step on me" mode and????????

× instantly turned the other way and yes, he is blushing

× he just couldn't hold it in, man

× so you're confused, blushing, Kirishima is near-by shook as fuck because he's ✨ realizing things ✨ since of course he's now Bakugou's self-proclaimed guard dog

× and Bakugou is back at ignoring you, his friend and the world

× you decide to keep an eye on him because that was not normal and oh my god why is that voice still affecting you? did he seriously say that??

× meanwhile you catch him looking at you from the corner of your eyes

× boy is staring real bad

× so you just go his way

× he panics as you approach him and blows shit up

× "Don't fucking come closer!" you freeze because what the hell? you thought you were getting along? yeah he's been snappy recently but it's Bakugou, he has mood-swings

× but not like this? at least with you?

× also what he said before just gave you hope??

× so you decide Fuck it all and get closer, noticing how Kirishima also approaches, looking like a bodyguard

× you raise your eyebrow because Excuse you?

× "[L/N], you should leave him be for now–"

× "Get out of my way or I'll break you, Kirishima."

× so you're having a staring match with the red-head, almost nose to nose when legit a growl shakes you to the core

× "[Y/N]'s mine, Shitty Hair, back down." he said between his teeth, his palms sparkling, quirk ready

× so his friend backs up, hands raised in defeat but a knowing grin on his face

× even in full shock you expected him to ignore you again but he just stomps towards you angrily, teeth greeted

× "You have a thing for him, hmm? You like Kirishima?" he was glaring at you, breathing heavily but suddenly locked his eyes in your lips

× and while he's throwing this fit or whatever it was, all the class kinda stopped whatever they were doing to see what's going on

× but Cementos ain't having any of that so parts you guys with a cement wall and orders you to keep training

× Bakugou was never more thankful because holy shit what was about to happen?

× you're full mind-blown, remembering his words again and again not even focusing on training; you decide to talk with his dumb ass to clarify what he said and wAs he jealous? i mean he literally said you're his so—... HE FUCKING SAID YOU'RE HIS????

× after that he went back to his grumpy old man form, you don't talk again until days later, although you did try to approach him again, many times, because YOU'RE HIS????????

× it's when he finally realizes the quirk is wearing off and he's relieved because it got to a point where he couldn't sleep

× so when you confront him in the common room the next morning he shrugs it off with a "I thought I'd accidentally confess that I love you and that would've been a problem."

× he freezes

× you freeze

× he wanted to call you a dumbass and move on until he figures his shit up but...

× that's when he realizes the effect of the quirk was dying off in waves

× save him from the mortification and confess too, please?

Kirishima Eijirou:

× he's normally a truthful guy

× but not like this, man, not like this

× Fatgum saved his ass but it was too late since he already got hit by a quirk, although none knew what it was about, so his mentor was having a full Panic moment

× later on he was informed about it's nature and was confused because nothing changed?

× he still compliments people, he's still his old self and is actually so happy that's the case

× thinks he's manly because he's honest about his feelings

× although he forgot about a tiny little detail

× his big fat crush on you

× like he'd blush when you came around, almost stuttered when responding to you, would try harder when you were around because pretty please, notice him, shows off more, all the I-need-YOUR-attention bag

× because he's smooth but in a Kirishima way, you know?

× felt he had zero (0) game [so not manly of him]

× will hands down not avoid you; thinks it's lame to run away from this

× who would've thought this was the best thing that could've happened to him?

× still had his boyish charm, cute smiles, blushes

× but now we add the honest "You look amazing today. Well, more than usual." with a wink because if he can't stop himself, at least he'll make it work big time

× and oh, shit that's doing stuff to your poor heart because his compliments are all over the roof? wth is going on?

× everyone knew about his feelings for you but now they really knew

× literally takes him half a day to spill all out

× he did try to clear his mind of those feelings in class because that would be so awkward and weird; he spent so much time daydreaming how to confess before and doing it there was definitely not the plan, but something more personal and meaningful

× when Kiri saw you in the common room though, alone and minding your own business, a grin broke on his face and had hearts in his eyes

× Bakugou had to hear a lot of shit about you, tho just rolled his eyes; "whatever, shitty hair."

× because you're so flawlessly beautiful and you're not even trying

× your head snaps up at him, blushing

× OOP–did he just blurt that out?

× so he's laughing awkwardly because not like this, man

× but goes with it because We die like men here 😤

× cue word vomit about how great you are and this quirk hit him and god you're amazing and it's not a lie because remember when you first met at UA? well he thought you were an angel and when you smiled at him? perfection and your blushing face is adorable and needs to see it everyday and ok this quirk needs to stop–

× meanwhile

× [Y/N].exe has stopped working

× legit tho, he won't shut the hell up and it's adorable

× all day he's been super smooth about his compliments to you and now he's the sweetest mess ever

× and you only notice yourself smiling when he points it out and says it's the single most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his entire life

× and even if that almost makes you 404 again you laugh and walk towards him

× which he follows and steps closer to you too

× smiling

× so he calms down when you're not freaking out about what he's spilling and goes back to being cha-cha-real-smooth again

× "I want to be able to call you mine"

Todoroki Shouto:

× another guy that doesn't really notice it at first

× he got hit by this weird blue-purple dust while on patrol with his dad

× and Endeavor went feral on this low-life villain deciding to attack suddenly

× low and behold, seems the guy wasn't a villain, just a civilian that sneezed and activated his quirk by accident

× quirk that landed on Shouto here

× which just stared confused because what?

× explanations happen, Endeavor is looking down at Shouto expecting something anytime now

× but Icy-Hot here just shrugs it off because it's okay, it's just 3 or 4 days

× funny thing is his dad asked him questions and realized pretty quick that Shouto has been really honest with him until now, which bummed him because Endeavor Is Trying™

× Todoroki Shouto was confident that nothing would go wrong so he forgets about it basically

× two days pass; class time happens

× is so fucking casual about it but it's so hilariously confusing

× he was honest before but he was quiet in general, that's why his honesty came in small dosages

× now he has no filter and won't shut up, he has this absolute need to share his thoughts

× my boy has opinions about everything

× but especially about [Y/N]

× oh yeah, he definitely tells you how that color enhances your natural beauty or how you're really smart

× is so casual and nonchalant, shooks everyone, leaves you full confusion mode while he just smiles and leaves

× legit doesn't realize it

× he complimented you before, that's the thing, but now he's really intensifying it but without changing the tone and execution and it's just a mess

× example:

× goes from "You changed your hairstyle. It looks nice." to "The way you style your hair now makes your eyes pop out more. I love it."

× lowkey proclaims his love about you; it's so obvious it hurts; you have to take it like a champ, man

× it takes Tsu to actually ask what's going on, in the first hour of class

× [even Aizawa is listening, pretending to sleep]

× explains why he's acting like this; "I got hit accidentally by a quirk that makes me speak only the truth."

× everyone just goes crazy while you're piecing stuff together in deep thought

× "Who do you think is the strongest in the class?"

× "Aizawa."

× lowkey a little shit

× "Between the students."

× "Me."

× big time a little shit

× it's until Mina asks who he likes that all hell breaks loose

× Shouto just turns to look at you, blinks and says your name

× just as everyone goes mental after a moment of silence, the bell rings signaling the next class, to which Aizawa [the mature man he is, acting as if this wasn't the best tea-spill he's gonna have at lunch with the other teachers 💅] wakes up, silences everyone and continues class

× every pair of eyes are on you all class

× Shouto is having an existencial crisis because he's actually realizing himself that he likes you

× a lot

× hands down he thought about how great you are, wondered deep in though at night why his heart beat so fast when you smiled at him, how come he got jealous???? when you'd pair with someone else to study or train... the boy didn't even know it was jealousy until now

× as in now he knew he wanted to hold your hand, have more inside jokes between you two, kiss you, marry you, wait what—

× you on the other hand are hyperventilating because Shouto likes you

× and you like him back and oH my god, wHAT just happened????

× lunch break comes, nobody moved from their seats while Todoroki just walks by, stares at you, slight blush on his face

× "I'd like to speak alone with you. About my feelings. Towards you. I like you."

× nice alone chat, Shouto 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

× legit nobody is breathing, not making a single noise, waiting for your reaction

× so through stutters and all, you have to grab him by his wrist and get the hell out, the attention being too much

× before you reach a quiet place to talk he just stares at your hand

× "I like it when you touch me. Your hand is warm and it makes my skin tingle–"

× so you're a blushing mess when you let go of his wrist fastly

× "Do you not like me back?" [insert kicked puppy face]

× [insert you telling him that you do, but all the attention in class was killing you]

× "Good. Now hold my hand properly."

× that day Shouto learned that being bold with you was the perfect way to get the sweetest reactions out of you

× it's called teasing and Todoroki Shouto will never stop

Hitoshi Shinsou:

× Shinsou had a Reputation™, ok?

× Calm, cool, collected, that's Hitoshi Shinsou

× so how come Monoma did him so dirty?

× it seems the blond borrowed a quirk from someone he knew and fled to school to just bring Hell on Earth

× but the only person he managed to throw the quirk at was at Shinsou

× it wasn't even intended for him, but for Bakugou to embarrass him

× so here he was, Mister Tired-of-this-fucking-world now having another reason to be done with everything

× the boy wasn't dumb

× made a strategy just as Monoma was apologizing for the mistake

× somehow the blond took a liking on him and even if he was now part of class 2-A, Monoma proclaimed he was a 2-B at heart; moving on...

× 3 to 5 days of not talking lies

× great, amazing, marvelous, incredible, fantastic

× Rule #1: Avoid [Y/N] at all costs

× which would prove rather difficult since you're part of the same group he was in

× and you were starting to be really good friends

× something he loved/hated because yes, he wants your friendship but he also wants much more

× so when you came to class, would you look at that! Shinsou is sleeping!

× when you went to lunch with the squad? he fled the scene, not opening his mouth

× asked to borrow a pen in class? didn't even look into your eyes as he just gave you one

× after 3 days of this you were starting to get annoyed

× and Midoriya was writing shit down in that notebook of his mumbling stuff every single time Hitoshi bailed

× what you didn't know is that the whole Dekusquad caught on to Shinsou's shenanigans and demanded answers

× well, Ochaco did and she instantly got them because she's terrifying when serious

× so Izuku is in deep fascination with the quirk, Iida is stiff as fuck and Uraraka has this really creepy I-know-something-you-don't smile on her face; Shouto was existing there too, minding his business 🍵

× you really tried to grab a hold of Shinsou but he wasn't even answering your texts

× time to make a game-plan

× and the easiest way to understand what's going on was through Deku and that suspicious notebook of his

× it wasn't even that hard to get it because you got the perfect opportunity basically thrown in your lap

× he was mumbling your name as he was writing down

× you literally demanded to see what he's writing about involving you

× the boy went full panic but before he could manage to escape the situation, the guy that's been avoiding you grabs you by your forearm and tugs you in the hallway

× there he was, purple messy head you wanted to smack, looking all uncomfortable, rubbing the back of his neck

× "Ok, listen, I have something to tell you and I want you to know through me, not through that notebook" he sighed, eyes avoiding you

× and while you're hurt and exhausted he just mumbles "Who knows what type of embarrassing stuff he wrote there..."

× hold up, he blushing?

× so while you're processing that he explains

× "Been hit by a quirk..." yada-yada, this and that

× "Ok, but why have you been avoiding me of all people?" you just go hard on him for a little bit, not hiding that you're hurting "Do you not trust me?"

× he's caught off guard

× "Because I love you and I'm scared you'll never look at me the same."

× longest silence of his life

× he never felt the need to fill a silent moment more than now

× so he mumbles

× oh, yah, he just blurts it all out while looking everywhere but you

× "I mean you deserve better than a guy with a quirk like this. I didn't want to make things uncomfortable between us so I thought avoiding you was the best, just so we can continue being friends and–"

× he's a fucking mess and it hurts you that he's saying stuff like that because holy shit you love this sleepy idiot?

× of course you kiss him to silence his rant

× and when you separate from it and start to reassure him he's just a m a z i n g, how dare he say stuff like that and how dare he avoid you for so long; now it's his time to kiss you back slowly and sweetly

× cue instant, lazy smile

× "You're adorable..."

[toomanyfandoms02]

Memories // Matthew Gray Gubler x Reader

Sixth blurb request! For @paniconthepitch Requests are still open!

I know this was suppose to be a blurb, but I got carried away soooo :) enjoy that.

I really like this one guys

Summary - Readers boyfriend breaks up with her and she heads to Matthews house, where she recalls all the times she knew she was in love with Matthew.

Word Count - 2.7k

Prompts - "Just shut up and kiss me." & "I need a place to stay."

You know those days where you think they are going so well, and suddenly, the worst possible outcome of the day happens?

That was today for me.

After such a great date night, I didn't quite imagine myself walking down my boyfriends street crying.

Or should I say ex-boyfriend.

I trudged down the road, my fists clenched at my sides and head held as low as it could physically go without detaching from my body. I knew that moving in with him was a risky move, but I didn't have much choice. I had been kind of couch surfing for a while and he offered to let me stay at his house. A stable roof over my head.

Or so I thought.

Now here I was, heading in no particular direction with only a small suitcase dragging behind me, a wallet in my hand and a phone in my pocket. I had been walking for about 20 minutes. Turning down random streets, not really paying attention to what was happening. Here's another question for ya.

Have you ever heard of the saying, 'When it rains it pours.'?

Well I have. And I am currently experiencing it. Just as I turned onto what seemed to be the first familiar street I had seen in the past 20 minutes, it started *raining*. But not just sprinkling, no, I wasn't that lucky. It was a total downpour.

I looked up at the green sign above me.

*Oakland Street*

That was Matthew's street!

See, Matthew and I had been friends for a long time. I considered him family. His mom and my mom were great friends, and still are. She visits Marilyn still. But I rarely see him anymore, he's always busy filming which is completely understandable. And now your probably thinking.

*If he was such a good friend, why didn't you ask him for help when you were couch surfing?*

Well the short answer is that I was embarrassed of being basically homeless. I look up to him and I didn't want him thinking I was a lost cause or helpless little girl.

But I had no choice now.

I trudged up to his door in my now soaked clothes. I was still crying, despite me *really* trying to hold it together.

It was 9:38 and I was hoping he was still up. Chances are he was, judging by the many sleepovers we had in the past where he would stay up until 4 am. I knocked softly on the door, backing up a few steps from it. I wiped my face a little, trying to dry it from tears and raindrops, but miserably failing.

The door opened slowly to reveal Matthew in plaid pajama pants and a white tee. As expected, he was holding a cup of coffee, which he quickly set down on a table near the door.

"Y/n?" He tilted his head, not coming out of the doorway. I was sure I looked like quite the mess right now. Soaked clothes, flushed face, messy hair, exactly what I *didn't* want him to see.

"I need a place to stay." I was now looking down, tears welling up in my eyes again from sheer embarrassment. I could feel my fists clenching together, nails sure to leave bruises in my hand.

"Come in, come in." He waved me in. I kept my head down as I walked through his door. "Are you alright? What happened?" I had a problem with Matthew where I just couldn't lie to him, it had been like that all our lives. He was so hard to keep things from, whether it was because he was my best friend or because it was so hard to look into those soft brown eyes and tell a lie.

"I've been living with Ben for a while, because I haven't exactly had enough money to keep up with rent payments... But he just broke up with me." I looked up to see pity written across his face. "Please don't look at me like that. I know it's pitiful." I leaned my head all the way back on his couch, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm not trying to show pity y/n, I'm just worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you were having troubles?" He put his hand on my knee, shaking it for an answer.

"Because I knew you would look at me like that!" I waved my hands around his face.

"Whatever you say. Just tell me what happened." As soon as I got a few words out, I was tearing up again.

*"I just don't understand Ben! I want to understand! You never talk to me anymore." I was gesturing wildly with my hands, something I had picked up from Matthew at a young age. I was trying to get my point across.*

*"I feel like I'm taking care of you y/n! I don't need a child I need a girlfriend!" His eyes held so much hate, much different from the soft green ones I had fallen for a few months ago.*

*"What are you even talking about? I just got a job Ben. I clean the house every week. I cook dinner for you, and I'm paying part of the rent! What more do you want from me?" I felt so confused and defeated, the longer I talked the quieter my words became. "If you want me to leave I will. Is this some sick, twisted way to say you don't love me anymore?" He went silent for a moment.*

*"I don't love you anymore." His arms hung heavy at his side. Are you kidding me?*

*"Did I do something wrong?"*

*"You're just, you're hard to love y/n." What the fuck is that suppose to mean?*

*"Fuck you Ben! I did nothing to you." I ran to our shared room, packing my suitcase and grabbing my charger and wallett from the side table. "You are a real piece of work." I could feel my body aching from mental exhaustion. "I'll be back to get the rest of my stuff another day." I stood by the door, grabbing the handle. "Hopefully if I'm so hard to love, I won't be so hard to get over."*

"And that was the last thing I said to him." Matthews thumb wiped a tear from my cheek. "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess."

"You don't have to apoligize for having emotions y/n. I'm here for you, always." He had first said this to me when we were in middle school, I thought that was the sweetest thing a teenage boy could say. "You can stay here as long as you want, I miss seeing you around anyway." He smiled, pushing some hair behind my ear. I set my head on his shoulder. It was really hard talking to him about this stuff. I think the real reason it was so hard to lie to him, was because it's hard to lie to someone you are *so* in love with.

Matthew seemed to be out of reach my whole life. It wasn't that he was massively popular, or that we were part of different cliques. It was really just because I thought he could never see me as anything more than a friend.

When I was 13, that's when I fell in love with him. I just didn't know it at the time.

*"Y/n this is so great! I can't believe I got the lead!" Spencer was spinning in my swivel chair that sat at my desk.*

* "I've always told you that you we're good at acting. Maybe you'll be an actor?"*

*No way! I'm gonna be a lawyer or something." He nearly fell from the chair laughing, as if the proposition of being an actor was so out of this world. There was a sparkle in his eye that I had never seen before. It was so refreshingly different from the days he had come to me after school, telling me that some assholes were pushing him around.*

*"I'm so happy for you, you're gonna do amazing! You better not leave me when you're famous." I shoved his shoulder playfully. That was truly a joke, but I could feel, deep in my subconscious, I was afraid that maybe he would.*

*"I would never!" And he didn't.*

But I couldn't do anything about how I felt.

"I don't wanna be a burden on you." I had stopped crying, but I was still slumped on the couch like a wet rag, *literally*.

"You could never be a burden on me. Here." He handed me a picture frame from his side table. It was of me and him when were were 22, it was a surprise party I threw for him. "Do you remember this?"

"How could I forget the first time I got you drunk?" And the night I realized I was in love with you *for sure*.

*Matthew had refused to get drunk on his 21st birthday. He was so responsible that it was nearly infuriating. So when he texted me telling me that someone came up to him on the street and offered him a modelling job, I knew I had to throw a party. Just me him and some of our friends.*

*I led him into my house with 4 of our other friends there. There was a seemingly illegal amount of liquor on my dining room table.*

*"Oh no! Y/n no, you're not gonna get me drunk!" He looked down at me disapprovingly. I stuck my bottom lip out, and gave him puppy dog eyes.*

*"Please Matthew? Just one time? I wanna know what kind of drunk you are." My puppy face turned into a slightly mischievous one.*

*"What kind of drunk I am?"*

*"Yeah! Like sad drunk, funny drunk, angry drunk, sleepy, reckless, philosophical. I wanna know!" I giggled, dragging him over to the table and already pouring him a shot.*

*"Fine, just one time."*

*And I did find out what kind of drunk he was.*

*A lovey drunk.*

*"Brian. You are the coolest person I know!" Matthew slurred, leaning over to our mutual friend. "And Katie is the funniest." He pointed to Katie. "And you! You are my favorite person in the whole world, you know that?" He was now laying in my lap, his head looking up at me.*

*"You are a mess." I laughed, patting his cheek.*

*"I am not a mess! I'm totally coherent! I love you so much! Look at you!" He sat up, kissing my cheek. I'm glad he was drunk because I didn't want him to remember the dark shade of red my cheeks turned afterward.*

*I loved this man, and it was kicking me in the ass.*

"A lovey drunk you called me." He chuckled as I gripped the frame.

"Do you remember all the things you said that night?" I half smiled, remembering the kiss om my cheek.

"Not really, to this day I live in blissful ignorance."

"Well today is the day you know." I giggled, crossing my legs on the couch and facing him.

"Wait! Before you tell me of all the dumb things I did that night, let me get you some dry clothes." He stood from the couch, heading to his room.

"Thank you!"

He came back holding and NYU hoodie and some sweatpants. I snatched them from his arms with a big smile and headed to the bathroom to change.

The only time before that I had worn his clothes was freshman year after an asshole from school pushed me in the mud while we were on our way to study at Matthew's.

*Matthew and I were walking side by side on the walkway, talking about random things.*

*"If you do get a cat, what are you gonna name it?" Matthew asked, keeping his eyes forward.*

*"I think I would name it Leo. After Leonardo DiCaprio, he's a dreamboat." He looked at me with an eyebrow raised.*

*"Really? That dork?"*

*"Says you! You're a huge dork!" I nudged him into the road with a laugh.*

*Just then I heard loud and fast footsteps coming from behind us. Suddenly large hands were shoving me into the nearest mud puddle. I gasped at the cold liquid that was soaking through my jeans and yellow shirt.*

*"Nice outfit y/n!" The asshole laughed, running down the sidewalk.*

*"Fuck you Ricky!" Matthew threw up his middle finger and helped me out of the mud. "Come on, I'll give you some clothes at my house."*

*When we arrived he handed me sweatpants and a Nirvana shirt. I changed into it and Matthew probably laughed for 10 minutes straight. I was pretty short around that time, and Matthew had just had his growth spurt. To make a long story short, I was swimming in those clothes.*

I was now staring at myself in the mirror, wishing I had the chance to get use to the feeling of wearing his clothes.

"Okay! Time to remember an embarrassing night Gube!" I shouted, feeling far better now that I was in warm clothes. I plopped onto the seat, scooting next to Matthew. "Alright. Now what do you wanna know first?" I set my chin in the palm of my hand.

"So, what exactly is your definition of a lovey drunk?" He mimicked my position.

"A drunk who is very kind. They are constantly complimenting everyone around them and expressing their love and fondness. Can even turn a sad or angry drunk to a happy one." I shrugged.

"Okay, fair enough. What did I say that night?" I smiled evily.

"Ok, well, you told Brian that he was the coolest person ever. And Katie was labelled the funniest ever. You gave Mallory ten bucks for all the advice she had given you in the past. And you hugged Alex for around 5 minutes straight." The image of Matthew swaying with Alex was clear in my memory like it happened yesterday. He threw his head back him laughter, his face reddening with slight embarrassment.

"Did I say anything to you?" He stared into my eyes like he was going to find the words there before they came from my mouth. I rubbed my hands together.

"Uh, yeah. You told me that I was your favorite person in the whole world." He smiled at that. "And then I told you that you were a mess. But you informed me, so graciously, that you were *not a mess* and *totally coherent*. Then proceeded to say 'I love you so much! Look at you!' And you kissed my cheek." I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, I was now looking down at my hands.

"Well you are my favorite person in the world," He tilted my chin up with his hand. "still. Maybe I'm an honest drunk."

"What's that suppose to mean?" I cocked my head to the side.

"Maybe I'm an honest drunk who was just sober enough to be too nervous to kiss you on the lips?" It came out as a question, I wasn't sure if he was genuinly asking a question or he was saying that that is *exactly* what happened. I'm hoping for the latter.

"What do you-" I was interrupted by his hand grabbing my chin.

"Just shut up and kiss me." He brought my lips to his, and of course I didn't hesitate at all to kiss back.

I ran my hands through those curls that I loved so much. His hands gripped my hips as I leaned into him more, I was so afraid that this was going to be a dream.

Like it was so many other times.

As he pulled away I kept my eyes closed, still hoping that it actually happened.

"Hey, are you okay?" He patted the side of my face lightly.

"Yeah, more than okay. How long?"

"Since we were 20. You?"

"Sometime in middle school." I snickered.

"Well either way, far too long." He put his finger under my chin again, bringing me into another kiss.

*Thanks Ben*

[thelazywitchgirl]

TW: depression, suicide, self harm

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It never really goes away. Thats something I had to acknowledge when I realized how severe my depression really is. When I moved at the end of my 7th grade year, my depression hit really hard. It was the longest I had lived anywhere, and I met a ton of friends, now I was just leaving them? It tore me apart. I was already getting therapy, and had been since i was 6, but at the time I didn't want help. I failed most of my classes my 8th grade year. It got worse.

I entered hs, and while nothing noteworthy happened, I felt like shit. All the time. I was on anti-depressants that made my head feel foggy and my body heavy. I had no motivation. I finally had enough near the end of the year, and took too many of the pills. It didn't kill me.

Sophmore year, while I was still at my first hs, I went a total of 3 weeks. I skipped classes and sat in a cafe for hours until it was time for school to get out. I lied about skipping classes.

I knew my parents would hate me for it. Lying made me feel worse.

I'd scratch my arms til they bled. Then scratch the scabs so they never healed. I tore up my legs. I didn't care enough to look across the street before bolting across, wishing to be hit by a distracted driver.

I changed schools. Life went a little better. I made new friends, but I was new. Everything I did was cautious. I didn't want to loose friends. I got more comfortable.

2016. I got a bad chemical burn+ allergic reaction on my face on my birthday. I laid in bed all day thinking about how best to kill myself because nobody cared enough to say happy birthday to me in my home. I checked Facebook. I saw that 3 people had wished me a happy birthday. I cried.

A few months later my mom left my abusive dad. Who then focused the abuse on me and my siblings. I had to stay strong for them. So I wasn't going to kill myself yet. Just until we were in a better place.

I suffer, but im surviving. November comes. I go to church. At the end of the service, we are told that one of my close friends killed herself 2 nights earlier. I find her sister and hug her.

I couldn't do that to my family i thought to myself. I decided to never try to kill myself again.

I failed. My dad got remarried and we were still living with him. I was back on anti-depressants. Somebody had sleeping pills. I couldn't handle it anymore. I snapped and took many of both. I fell asleep not expecting to wake up.

I did. My alarm was loud enough to jolt me. I thought about my friend. I miss her, and i still think about her. I get up to go to school but not before vomiting whatever was left of the pills up. I didn't sleep much.

I over dose on my anti-depressants again and am shaky all day. I know I look sick now. And I am.

My dad kicks me out. I'm harrassed by people for weeks because of it. But I don't want to die. I stood up for myself. And my siblings. If getting out of that house was going to take us to a better place, so be it.

My ex and I break up. It hurt. But now we realized we're better as friends. I started dating my current boyfriend. Life feels better.

I still crash to some low places. Less often than I did. I'm in a much healthier place in my life now, but I still have these thoughts. I still feel like shit a lot of the time. But I've learned how to keep those thoughts at bay.

Sometimes though, they're too loud. And I give in. But thats okay. I know i will always have these thoughts. And I know that I can never be completely fine because of it. Thats fine. I don't want to kill myself most days. And thats enough. I have people that love me. I know that. And I know when I hit these low places, that they won't let me fall.

It doesn't mean it's not difficult. I always feel like I'm working thousands of times harder than everybody else to get through my day. But im still here. I'm still alive. I haven't killed myself yet.

If i have these thoughts, that's okay. If I feel like shit, that's okay. Same for all of you out there who are struggling. Its okay to not like being alive right now. But stay alive.

Stay alive for the next season of a show you like. Stay alive for your dog or cat or frog, and whatever else people keep as pets. Stay alive for yourself if you feel like it. Stay alive to continue your art. Stay alive so you can vibe to good music. Shit sucks.

Even if you feel like you can't make your life better, know that I, at the very least am happy you are in this world. If you, any of you for real, are struggling and feel like you can't talk to anybody, I'm here. If you have questions or just need a friend, I'm here for all of you.

I'm happy we're alive. ❤

[fanfictionisvalid]

Next Door Mistake || Elucien

Word count: a little under 3k.

Sitting by the window on a lazy Saturday afternoon in soft comfortable pyjama shorts and a huge loose t-shirt with a pencil In hand and a sketch book open in your lap was the best way to spend the weekend. At least in Elain's taste it was. Elain pondered upon which detail to alter or add to make the sketch mimic the tree standing tall outside her window. Her brown hair was up in a haphazard bun, another pencil tucked in there to hold her hair together and away from her face. She scrunched her nose to push her broad framed glasses up the bridge of her nose, when the doorbell rang.

Sighing, she got up and stumbled her way to the door. She pulled the door open to see a middle aged man with a frown between his brows standing in front of her with a parcel in his hand and a clipboard in his other. He was tapping his leg on the ground impatiently, his lips pursed.

“Took you long enough! Here’s your parcel, sign this sheet here and I’ll be on my way,” he said impatiently. Elain timidly took the parcel in her hand and went to examine it. “Quick, girl! I don't have all day!” the man interjected. She was about to protest that she did not order anything, nor was she expecting a parcel but on seeing the impatient and frustrated look in the man's eyes and the incessant tapping of his leg on the floor, she reached for the clipboard he was holding out. She noticed there was another man behind the impatient delivery man; another delivery boy from the Chinese restaurant just around the block. He was waiting for the door across Elain's to open. Lucien's door.

Lucien, the redhead who lived across from Elain. Lucien, who was too cool to notice Elain. Lucien, on whom Elain was crushing big time. Its not like they didnt talk at all. Part of the reason why Elain fell for him was because even though he seemed to be rich and spoilt, and he was for the most part, he was also sweet, gentle and well spoken. He always greeted Elain whenever they met in the lift or in the parking lot. He held a decent conversation and often helped Elain carry her stuff when she had one too many bags.

But Lucien did not care more for fumbling Flower girls like Elain. A friendly neighbour was all she was to him. His kind of girls were those who wore stilettos and short skirts and frequented clubs and bars, face composed of sharply cut features, all eager for a one night stand with boys like Lucien. She knew because she had run into his shenanigans one too many times on late Sunday mornings in the lobby. But that did not exactly stop her heart from racing at the very thought of seeing Lucien.

Elain held her breath, waiting with the delivery boy for someone to open the door. She nervously wet her lips and blindly signed a scribble of her name where the man in front of her pointed to. The door unlocked and opened and Elain froze, waiting to see that beautiful face of his. Elain deflated in disappointment when it was not Lucien who opened the door. It was Tamlin, his best friend. He was often over so Elain knew of him. He accepted the parcel, drunkenness swimming in his gaze and met Elain's eyes over the boy's shoulders. The man with the parcel had left and Elain had not realised that she was standing by her door alone, looking as if she was waiting for someone. She flushed and gave him a weak smile. Tamlin mimicked her smile and gave her a small wave.

He went inside the house, leaving the door open, probably gone to fetch the money. Elain swallowed her disappointment and went to close her door when she heard Tamlin shout, “Pay up, asshole!” and then she saw him.

She took in a sharp breath as he came into view, shirtless, hair messed up, lazy eyes on his hands as he counted the money. His checkered pyjama was lying low on his waist, his precise abs and toned chest on display and Elain had to force her eyes away from his body. Lucien looked up and met her eyes before seeing the delivery boy. He froze, but cleared his throat and composure and handed the boy the money and absently said “keep the change.” His eyes kept darting to Elain and she forgot all about having to go back inside her house and not making a fool of herself looking like she was waiting to see him.

But even after the delivery boy left, Lucien didn’t make a move to shut his door. He stood there while an almost awkward silence stretched between them. When he cleared his throat, Elain snapped back into attention and her face flushed.

“Hi,” she offered weakly.

“Hey” he said. “What’s up?”

“Uh.. I was just.. I had a.. I was just signing off a delivery.” She said, while awkwardly waving the parcel in her hand. Get a grip on yourself. So what if this is the first time you’ve seen him shirtless. Just breathe and say bye and you can hyperventilate all you want later.

“Ah.. alright, alright. Cute pyjamas by the way.” He pointed out. Elain blushed. “Listen, um, what are y–“

Before he could finish what he was saying Tamlin called from inside. “Hey Fucker, come in here or I’m eating without you!”

“Right.. um your friend’s calling,” She said.

No shit, smarty.

“Yeah uh, see you later, Elain.” He smiled his smile and Elain's heart sighed at the beautiful sight and then she was standing alone. She sighed and shut the door, resting her back against it and closing her eyes. She relished in the image of a shirtless Lucien for some time before forcing herself off the door.

She sat herself down on her couch and opened the brown parcel. Inside was a violet colour rod like thing with a bulb at the end. Elain frowned in confusion. She picked it up to examine it further, turning it this way and that. And then her eyes fell on the brochure at the base of the box... And Elain froze.

It was a vibrator.

A sex toy.

Elain, with her eyes wide, dropped the vibrator back in the box. In shock, Elain opened her mouth to voice some thought but none of the jumbled mess in her head worded itself.

One thing she was sure of was that she had not ordered a sex toy.

Even though she was not a prude, she was fairly reserved with her own sexuality. Having had sex with only her ex, Elain hadn’t had much experience with sex toys. And she was definitely not frisky enough to order one for herself now.

Eyes widened, Elain stiffly reached for the flap of the box and turned it to read the delivery address. And if she was shocked before, she was stunned now. The package was addressed to a Lucien Vanserra.

Oh.

Elain didn’t know what to think. Surely, he takes one too many temporary lovers to buy something like this. What’s better than a guy who knows exactly how to pleasure a girl, right? But what was worse was that Elain would now have to go up to his house, knock on his door, face him and hand him his sex toy. Just thinking about it made Elain cringe with embarrassment.

Better to get it out of the way already, Elain thought. Walking out of her house with the brown package in her hand, Elain stepped up to his. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths to calm her nerves. She would just return the package as if she didn’t open it and see what was inside and walk away. Yes, perfect. She was going to do just that. Just act normal.

She rang the doorbell.

Two seconds later the door opened and Lucien stood before her, still very shirtless.

“Oh, Elain, uh hi!” said Lucien, clearly not expecting Elain.

“Hey, uh hi Lucien.. I- this package got delivered to me today, but it is addressed to you.. it must've been a mistake.” She laughed nervously and shoved the package forward. He took the box from her hand and said, “thanks.” He looked at the box and back at her face, still by the door as if he wanted to say something and Elain gulped nervously. After a minute of silence between them Elain smiled tightly and said, “okay so.. have a good day, bye bye!” and without waiting for his response she walked straight into her apartment and shut the door behind her.

Phew.

~~~

Lucien was never the nervous type. He was pretty sorted, if you asked him. Once he figured out what he wanted, he would just go and get it. He did not believe in beating about the bush. And last night sitting with Tamlin on their window, drinking beer, Tamlin had kicked his leg and told him what he couldn’t figure out on his own. “I think you might be crushing on your dear flowery neighbour. And before you ask me why I think so.. Every time you meet her you just cannot stop talking about her until you have given me a detailed description of how cute she looked, or how she blushed, or how flustered you got her and how proud it made you feel. Gotta face it, bro.” And Lucien saw sense in that. He did enjoy seeing a pink hue spread on her cheeks and the way she looked away nervously. He had an effect on her and it was obvious. What wasn't obvious was that the friendly flirting was more than just friendly for Lucien. So many times he went out of his way to help her carry her grocery up just so he could spend some extra minutes with her.

It was ridiculous, really, how Lucien literally felt like a dog rolling over to get his belly rubbed by its favourite person everytime Elain was paying him attention. But just because Elain paid him heed did not mean she would be interested in going out with him. She was naturally a timid and quiet girl, easily flustered and clumsy. Just because she blushed when Lucien talked too nicely with her did not mean she would want to go out with someone like Lucien. He drank, smoked, took a girl home every other weekend if not every one. Elain's type was probably guys who volunteered at shelters and spent their free time at the library or investing in their passion; someone with an artistic temperament and a polite disposition.

But Lucien could not just not try. Maybe the wind blew in the right direction and she said yes. Or maybe she said no and things just get so awkward between them that they only indulged in small talk and the-weather-seems-nice-today 's. Oh god.

But on Tamlin's encouragement, he decided to try and ask her out for something casual, like coffee. But since that day she did not have work, she would have probably spent the whole day holed up in her house. So whatever chance Lucien got, he tried to ask her but something or the other got in the way. Mostly his own nerves. When she handed him the parcel, he was looking for words to ask her for coffee but after he failed to find words, she left as if in a hurry to get away from him and shut the door with a bang. And now Lucien fell on the couch and threw the parcel to Tamlin. He had ordered something a couple days back so it must be his.

"The delivery guy made a mistake and delivered it at Elain's." Lucien said offhandedly.

Tamlin replied, "I dont even remember what I had ordered LOL, i must've been too drunk."

And as he opened the parcel with ease he fell quiet. Lucien looked up from his phone when Tamlin did not automatically tell him about what was inside. Tamlin looked at Lucien with a funny expression and burst out laughing. Lucien frowned. "Ooookay what's up? Why are you laughing like that?"

"You.. oh my god.. Elain opened this parcel, oh lord," Tamlin got out somehow between fits of laughter. Lucien snatched the parcel from him with a scowl. On peering inside, he froze.

Oh fuck.

~~~

Lucien stood in front of Elain's door later that evening. He had originally vowed to never leave his house again and hope to die of embarrassment soon. Elain, that poor innocent flower girl, probably thought it was Lucien's. No wonder she was in such a hurry to get away from him. Now that he thought about it, it was clear she must have been so embarrassed.

After Tamlin was done laughing, he asked Lucien to stop cursing him and making plans to slip into hibernation. Instead, he said, "Go to her place and apologise. This way you'll get a chance to talk to her; an opportunity you've been looking for since Morning." When Lucien protested too much, Tamlin kicked him out of his own appartment. And here he was now, knocking on Elain's door. Lucien did not understand how he could go from apologising for Tamlin's sex toy getting delivered at her place to asking her out. Ridiculous.

He softly knocked on the door, hoping that Elain didn't hear him and he never would have to face her. But five seconds later, the door swung open. Her hair was open and she was still in her pyjamas and it was clear by the way her lips parted that he wasn't expected.

"Hi, uh, what's up?" She asked.

"Uh.. I wanted to apologise..?"

SHIT, no, not a good starter. TRY AGAIN.

At the confused look on her face, he rushed out a, "C-can I come in?"

Great start.

"Uh, Sure," she said.

She opened the door wider and walked in, leaving Lucien to shut the door after him. "Tea?" She offered. Lucien politely declined. She gestured for them to sit on the light blue couch.

"So, you were saying?"

"Right.. uh.. I know you got a parcel today that was supposed to come to my place instead," he said and paused to watch the redness creeping up her neck as the realization came upon her. "I- I know it must've been really awkward for you, and I'm truly sorry for that," he finished in a hurry.

"Uh.. it was a bit awkward, I admit." She paused to wet her lips. "But hey, mistakes happen, right?" She offered a tight smile and looked away.

"For the record, I- uh, it wasn't mine..," he hurried to say. "I mean, it wasn't my order. It was Tamlin's. He and his new girlfriend are into all this.." he trailed off once he realised he was probably giving her unnecessary and uncomfortable details. Her eyes darted to his and then away.

An awkward silence stretched between them.

This is the window, Lucien, ASK HER OUT.

After a minute of palpable tension, she cleared her throat. He snapped to his senses and chickened out. Nope, definitely not the right time.

"So I should probably go."

"Is that all?"

They both said at the same time.

"Uh, okay yeah alright, uh, see you around, Lucien." She said. He jerkily nodded.

They both stood up and walked to the door. As Lucien walked through the doorway, he turned around once more to say bye. Elain stood holding the door. As Lucien turned around once more and walked two steps something got over him and he abruptly turned around again. Elain was closing the door when Lucien shouted, "Will you go out with me!?"

The door stopped in its spot and Lucien held his breath, waiting, as the door slowly reopened to show a wide eyed Elain.

"Will you go out with me, Elain?" Lucien said in more appropriate volume. "I would like to take you out for coffee, perhaps, tomorrow. Or the day after, maybe. Or whenever you're free. Of course, only if you wanted to." He rambled.

When Elain did not answer for a couple minutes, only stood there opening and closing her mouth like a fish, Lucien took a step forward with his hands spread out. "You don't have to worry about any awkwardness if you want to say no. We can just go back to being friendly neighbours. Just-" lucien sighed, "I realised I really like you Elain and I thought it wouldn't be nice of me to not even tell you it. I would totally understand if you said no, though, I mean, of course , why would you–"

"Yes." Elain interrupted him. "I would like to go out on a coffee date with you. I mean, out with you. For coffee. Something else is fine too, of course. Not that coffee is bad. Coffee is cool." She swallowed and shut herself up. Elain smiled and her cheeks glowed with a red hue and there was nothing that could have stopped Lucien from grinning like an idiot. "Coffee is cool," he repeated from around his grin.

"Alright," he cleared his throat, "I'll, uh, how about tomorrow? I'll see you tomorrow, eh?"

"Yeah, tomorrow sounds good. Alright, yeah." She shyly said.

"Alright, uh, we can go to the Cafe together?"

"Sure, yeah. Cool."

They both nodded, trying to hide their smiles like shy teenagers and Lucien unlocked his own door. He turned around one last time to see Elain still standing there with a brilliant smile on her face that melted his heart. He walked into his own apartment backward. As he shut the door after a final wave, a scream left him when he saw a smirking Tamlin waiting for him behind the door.

"I guess it went well, ha?" Tamlin teased and wiggled his brows. "You should thank my sex life for initiating your love life, ya know? If it hadnt been for this vibrator, you would've never grown the balls to approach her yourself!"

He couldn't deny that he was, in fact, thankful of the vibrator and the delivery guy whose mistake made it possible for Lucien to finally ask her out. And maybe Tamlin was to thank too. But Lucien was not going to tell him that. So he picked up his slippers and threw it at Tamlin's retreating back. But Tamlin knew even without turning around that nothing, not even the finger he was flipping Lucien, could wipe the smile off his face.

Tag: @asterinblackbeek

[goldbscurity]

So my last post here was on 12th Feb 2018.

Today is 14th Feb 2021, it's been 3 years.

Let me leave another digital footprint about where I've been, what's been happening, my life updates, and how many dark days I've successfully past to be here hahahaha

1. I'm 24. Well technically about to be 25 this year but hey, still 10 more months let me not think about becoming a quarter of decade first, ok?!

2. I've fucking graduated! Hahahaha yeah I have a BS now, B.Sc for sure. Bachelor of Science. On 2019. Finally huh? Twas some roller coaster of uni life. I kinda missing it now tho🙄

3. Currently working, on my second job!

Gotta say I'm lucky, blessed, whatever but clearly lucky enough to found a job right after I started looking for one, which is 2 months after the graduation ceremony. It wasn't a glamorous job at all, but I loved it. And I love my job now as well. I can say it's my life, my whole life😂😂 as maybe I can predict ever since I'm a child that I'll grow up into a workaholic kind of person lol #capricorn at its best quality ✨✨ And hey, I'm doing pretty great! Career ladder wise, salary ladder wise, I'm doing okay. Of course my current salary is far from my ideal salary if count based on my education background, my vision board and my stuck up personality, but anyway all good all great, considering I'm now living in the middle of a pandemic.

4. Yeah right, I should've mentioned this on the first update. It's pandemic year!!!! Corona now ru(i)ns the world, est.2020. Crazy, crazy year. People working from home, people got laid off, people got sick and dead, the world turns upside down. But let's be grateful that we all still alive and thriving and still have tomorrow to looking forward.

5. I'm still friends with my best friend, and I still like them as much as I like my dog or well I like them more and more every day ngl I love em and I feel lucky grateful to find em🥺🥺

6. I see the reason I started this tumblr initially was for me, a cold hearted, heartless, emotionless, denial-lover, avoidant person to LEARN to pour out my emotions for the sake of the mental health and to recover from...uhm, brokenheart hahah🙄 I see the last time I post here I said I've moved on but let me tell you that I still sometimes missed him and there was this never ending curiousity of what could've happened and what went wrong.

Now, 3 years later, let me tell you that I am now has been Ex-Free for a whole good year!!!!!!!! ✨✨✨✨ I think it's all started in the middle of 2019 and it continues til now.

I even met someone last year that I instantly feel connected (well, idk the other end I'm not responsible for their feelings) let's we all hope that this will end well, shall we? Because I really like him

See, it's a LOT OF WORK AND OBSTACLES I'VE OVERCAME to finally being an individual who recognises its own feelings and being okay with it. Proud of me💐

7. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, there were lots of bad days, especially those near my period days.

Called it PMDD, I now become very close with that bitch. Definitely has a strong effect on me, makes me 100x bitchier than usual. Not only that, but some times also kick me right at the gut and throw me into the deepest hole very near with borderline depression. But that's another story to tell. The last few months has been good tho, the symptoms is no longer worse maybe except this month lmao.

I started to think whenever I overworked myself, put myself in the middle of a very packed schedule with a messy sleeping pattern and unhealthy food, the symptoms will only getting worse. So I guess my homework is to balance it all out. No big deal..

8. Last but not least, I lost a couple of friends/aunties/grandpa this last 3 years.

Started in 2019, on April, suddenly a friend of mine from the secondary school died from lung cancer (may he rest in peace, we all really sorry for being such a jerk). Pretty shocking, kind of throw me off.

And then another friend suddenly got sick and he died on August, literally 2 weeks after we visited him in the hospital. Bone cancer. This one friend was closer to me, his house even just a couple metres away from mine. Last fun we had was when we were on a small reunion and he picked me up, and on the way home he told me and my other friend that his legs occasionally felt numb and weak. We joked that it was the age factor hahahah we had no idea that it was actually cancer. It was on May, if I'm not mistaken. We knew he had cancer by June/July. Consider him as a good friend, good human. Yeah anyway, his death literally surprised me and I was really really sad. Well, fella, I hope you both found a safe place in heaven and continuously play your music for God just like you did on your time on earth. We love you both, we will never forget you.

Lastly, my grandpa died on September 2020. Also two or three weeks after I visit him? Couldn't remember. Haven't paid a visit to his grave since it's pandemic season, I can only watch virtually the moment he was on the casket and buried. Hope you'll always watching us and guide us, grandpa!

Oh wait I hate to end my story with a sad shit, so...yeah just.......maybe........wish me luck with this...new person... I've found.... attractive..........cs I really...like him........hahahahhahahahahahahahahaha I'm soooo cheesy buh bye

[mylifeispatheticshouldinust-blog]

I was in love with a man named Jordan. I knew of him back in school and I didn't like him. One day when I needed to find weed I messaged him, knowing he sold it.

We drove all over trying to find it.

We then went to his friends house to feed his pet racoon. We fell in love...

We stayed in a dingy apartment with his two roommates who had a dog with puppies. They didn't take care of them. The puppies slept in their own shit and piss and I felt so terrible that I couldn't do anything- but, here's the kidker... I could have done something. I just felt so helpless and scared.

They kicked us out after I asked when they would be home to feed and water the dogs and puppies. It had been well over 12 hours and they didn't have any acsess to food or water. I did my best to try to make it easier while the roommates were out.

Well, after that we stayed at a friends place. The anxiety never ended. There were always people and my boyfriend [ex] didn't care how I felt. He just wanted to hang out with his friends... which would have been reasonable if he had given me quality time with him.

So... since he didn't give me the love I expected, I developed separation anxiety and it got worse and worse and I didn't want him to leave my side. I wasn't right in the mind, but the damage could have been minimized.

Soon enough, Jordan got a job offer. I had to beg him to take me with [he said he would then tried to ask me to stay behind] and so.. he did. We had to pay for everything out of pocket [hotel, food, ect] because he brought me and my boss couldn't support someone who wasn't working. He's a smart business man.

From the start of the journey, things were rough. My anxiety was through the roof from being in the car for hours at a time [bad experiences with cars], he ways wanted to speed [he said it was fine because he had a radar detector], and I was left in a hotel room morning till night while he worked.

After awhile of this, my boss hired me on. I worked really hard dispite my anxiety attacke and panic.

In vegas I had a breakdown. I was cutting and throwing myself around and he was trying to restrain me. He threatened to break up with me and threatened to take me to the hospital.

Ive been there. Done that. The hospital doesn't work for me. I need people and it made me feel even more isolated.

He had to deal with many breakdowns like that over the 6 months we were togeather. I cut. I hit myself.

I wanted to destroy myself because of how useless I felt. How stupid I felt. How deep my soul hurt. How hard my anxiety hit. I wanted to make it stop.

He never cared to understand why it was happening and he never cared to hear what would help. Our relationship was breaking down.

We started saying hurtful things because we were both hurting. He assumed I was out to get him when I really just wanted things to go back to when we started. Every day and night pained me to the core. Every awful thing that was said, every argument.. I was trying as hard as I could at the time.

We made it six months before he dumped me. He didn't care. He just wanted to get rid of me.

We were both kind of slutty so he suggested finding a guy on tinder to fuck us. So, I did. I wasn't comfortable with it, but I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to love me like at the start.

We did it, and two days later he went out with a friend and turned off his phone. I spent the whole night trying to get ahold of him, scared what could have happened to him.

He came back that night and I tried talking to him. He expected me to be angry but I was just glad he was okay..

We went to sleep and the next morning he said he had hopped it would have made me angry [it didnt. It just hurt]. He wanted to manipulate me into wanting to break up. He wanted things to go down easy and.. I didn't fight it. This asshole litterly was so happy. Helping me pack my things. He even tried to help carry my things into my mom's house.

I regret not making the breakup a little harder for him. I know I shouldn't but... with how he acted and how bad he hurt me.. I can't help feeling like he shouldn't get off so easy. He did though.

I tried talking to him on facebook. I was hurt so bad and frustrated.

I may have been able to let go a lot easier if he had been kind... if he had apologized for the pain he caused.

He said terrible things about me when I tried to talk to him. He said that he wanted the threesome to fix our relationship... then broke up with me two days later.

I'm left feeling worthless and used. I can't even touch myself without being reminded of the breakup.

I've barely been sleeping and I've started having hallucinations when I'm alone in the dark. I see things move and I feel bugs crawling on my skin. I've been getting paranoid.

One night I even asked the police to look around the area because I thought I heard tapping on the window and a chain saw at 3 in the morning.. the officer didn't come back so I should feel safe knowing he didn't find anything. I don't though. I'm still hearing and seeing things as I write this.. It's terrifying.

I really hope... I so dearly hope I'm not developing schizophrenia.

Once I tried to call him while we were togeather and... I really wish I was joking but a voice came over the dial tone and told me, 'I will take you into another life'. I know out of all my experiences, that one was real. That happened. I've never even truly believed in the paranormal and I still don't... but when things go wrong I wonder and think that maybe it is linked.

I am.. scared. I am so scared and I have no one to listen or help.