#i didnt even go here but now i do apparently | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ketzel · 1 year

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i literally just got into this an hour ago

#i didnt even go here but now i do apparently #corrupted by my friend i cant believe she'd do this to me #first one was a lil doodle to contain my feelings after watching the real person ending #and then something possessed me and i made the 2nd one in an hr #torturing myself and my friend with angsty hcs atm #stannarrator #the stanley parable #stanley parable spoilers #real person ending

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carcarrot · 3 months

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well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job

#maybe i should just become unemployed. maybe i should just suffer!#recap of todays further events .#that supervisor? who i kinda didnt already like but now absolutely hate?#she came down to confirm that i wasnt leaving. okay . and then she fucking tells me #oh we're going to get another person to help out from this other company. we were going to do that bc we thought you were leaving #but she thinks that even if im staying there should be another person on this floor. bc apparently more has to be done #and there are 'constant complaints' abt this floor . which doesnt make sense to me bc there shouldnt be #and so we're waiting to see what the manager decides but hes on fucking vacation and wont get back until. next week??#she said she was gonna email him and like right after she left i emailed and texted him explaining everything #and trying to very nicely say hey what the fuck are you doing you don't need to hire anyone else #and if im doing a bad job fucking tell me so i can do it better. bitch #and she had the nerve to fucking tell me when she was talking to me #that i wont find an easier job than this one #well if its so fucking easy why are we hiring someone else #by the way getting that extra person from this other company doesnt cost them anything which is why theyre doing it i think #which is making me not feel good abt my own future lmao. like why would they keep paying me when they can get someone for free #and she was saying all this stuff like oh you have it so good here we dont write you up i do all this stuff to help you like . ok #i didnt ask you to come downstairs w the coffee order and if you wanted me to i would come up . god #but the thing of me not being able to find a better job like wow! what if i killed you. for saying that to my face #and she talks abt how shes been w the company 20 years ok and that doesnt give you an excuse to treat me like a child. jesus #anyway im very pissed off and not enjoying my work situation lol. i dont wanna do this anymore #but looking at other jobs im so unemployable. sigh

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cerealmonster15 · 3 months

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the block button isnt enough i need to set things on FIRE

#SORRY. i just. jdskfjdskljfdskjlfjlk #someone reblogged a post. the post is a screenshot from [REDACTED]'s twitter apparently #so even tho i have [REDACTED] blocked here i will NEVER BE FREE #....but i didnt kow they had a twitter so i guess i gotta go block there too #it was YET AGAIN a situation of me going #oh thats a fun fanart- wait. wait i know that art style. is that [REDACTED]. god damn it.#UUGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHH #at least they have a really distinct art style [to me anyway] so i almost always catch myself if a stray post ends up in my feed #i had the same reaction a while back when someone reposted their art on insta #the thing is a lot of their art is fine but #i had enough like.... eyebrow raising suspicion that i dont think i ever followed them #and then one day they Posted The Thing I Blocked Them Over and i just cannot have that near me EVER #no shade to anyone reblogging their stuff tho bc i feel like most ppl probs wouldnt know #but i bear the burden of knowledge. i saw that singular post and it is all tainted FOREVER #oh i already have them blocked on twitter LOL ok. good lord they have a lot of followers #DO THEY KNOW..... HAVE THEY SEEN....#god. one day im gonna start thinking i hallucinated that post but i know what i saw. and it was Really Gross 😭#sorry to be a vague little bitch i just dont wanna start shit and i also dont want to give people The Mental Image Im Cursed With #it's ok i have seen cute fanart now and i am healed im calm im normal im moving on

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pawbeanies · 7 months

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in a horrible embarrassing no good turn of events i woke up today squirming and grinding against a pillow between my legs ..?? was i doing it in my sleep ..???? it will forever be a mystery to me...

#like i dont usually move much!! in my sleep!! or at all really #but i usually have a pillow between my legs bc of how i like to sleep #so like .? this is new. and perplexing. much to think about i fear #like woke up mid squirm and mid making a little noise(?????) i think ?????#which like. whuh. huh?? whuh???#even when i was doing leik. pk mn sleep where it tracks if u Make Noise it never picked up anything for me so like. thats New .?!?!#was i DREAMING liek i dont even dream!!!!!#it was also one of those liek. wake up at 4am go back to sleep type things so like. what !! what !!!#this is my diary im more embarrassed than anytjing like. i didnt know i could do that!!#now im sitting here at work like what if ive done it before and i just didnt know. what then. what is my recourse #unfair sick and twisted that im apparently squirmy and whiny but only when im not. AWAKE to be aware of it!! bitch!!!#i can never sleep w anyone again )like sleep next to them #because what if like were sleeping and i do THAT it's EMBARRASSING

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halloweendeity · 18 days

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#horrible awful no good very bad day #apparently last night the apartment below ours caught fire and we were out of town #and we didnt find out til several hours later from our neighbor who had to track me down on facebook- we didnt hear a thing #from the apartment in any official capacity until like? 10 hours after the fire?#anyway we rushed home supremely early from a friend trip that was like #meant to be very good and fun #anyway so we rush home because no one can tell us if our cats are okay #and they were but our whole apartment is supremely smoky and all of our possessions are extremely smoky #and we cant stay there or let the cats stay there because of the smoke and soot and particles it just doesnt feel safe #so now im in my partners familys house which is like #fine but its full of people and i dont feel fully comfortable and i cant fully relax and and and and and etc etc etc etc #and tomorrow i have to wake up early and go over there and find out what if anything the complex plans to do about it and how long its gonna #be until we can come back safely. or more likely get more noncommittal answers and be unsure #and i dont know how long i can stay here and be normal #AND to top it all off i paid like 60$ to go to an aquarium i didnt even get to go to . but yknow. all of my friends got to !#and like im happy for them but no one was excited as i was and now i get to ruminate on how everyone got to do the fun thing i love #while i was stuck doing 17 loads of laundry and bathing the soot out of my cats fur in someone elses house #certainly it could be worse and im glad my cats are fine and im glad its just smoke damage and not yknow. Burn damage #but im having a sad little pity party anyway because i was supposed to have an amazing beautiful day ending in a relaxing evening #in my own home #and now i have to cope with all of this instead. all i want to do is cry #and also like. im scared we will have to move #but im also scared we wont... because like #i think it was a gas issue. and knowing that that happened in my building? and also knowing how much landlords love to halfass #repairs and everything else #i just dont know how safe i will feel there #even if they tell me its fine #anyway sorry for the tag vent post again my old ways will never die #ghost posts

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alchemiclee · 1 year

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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)

#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now #that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end #ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes #youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused #more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that #aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better #please someone do this 😭#lee text #hsr #i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end #my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder #but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him #instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now #they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot #so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it #maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because #they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing #we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end #or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e #i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid #is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead #OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation #and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying #his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed #these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better #lee rambles

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sonknuxadow · 1 year

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are transgender sonic character polls just doomed to always have weird results. first lanolin won the transfem swag poll by a huge amount just because a popular blogs followers many of which are not even sonic fans flooded the poll and now the transmasc swag competition has come down to two of the characters with the least amount of transmasc swag in the entire lineup . what is going on

#also to make my opinion on the transfem poll thing clear im not really annoyed that lanolin won per se #i dont see metal as transfem and i didnt have an opinion on lanolins gender before but i can def see her as trans now #im just annoyed that people who dont know anything about sonic were mass voting on the poll like what are you people doing here #at least i think thats what happened i wasnt actually keeping up with this very closely but i looked in the notes of the polls #there were people going ''idk anything about sonic but vote for the sheep'' and apparently lanolin got a huge increase in votes #after a really popular blog reblogged the post saying to vote for her #actually whats up with idw characters sweeping polls like this and beating characters who are way more popular than them #lanolin is a very minor character barely anyone even cared about her until recently????#how did she even make it as far as she did

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sunbedo · 4 months

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Hey guys. gay rights

#i already made the sonic one a while bc yknow. kinnie stuff youve all seen my blog theme #but then i was wearing my Fearless Year of Shadow(tm) shirt along with it and my irl bff was like.#'why are you wearing a sonic bracelet with that shirt if you love shadow so much 🤨' *#(he doesnt know much about sth stuff but ive infodumped abt shadow and his backstory to him many times)#and i was like 😭😭 BECAUSE I DONT HAVW A SHADOW KANDI BUT I WANNA MAKE ONE. I WILL SOON #so. now i do!! taking my ad/derall on the weekends always make me want to make more kandi. its great!#and yknow what else it makes me want to do...... talk more on here >:3333 #me and my dad are gonna go to a local jazz festival this afternoon bc our jazz combo is playing at it!!#itll be fun. my dad said hes gonna get some food from this really good breakfast place on the way thwre #which is not the best part. the best part is outside the shop there is a wonderful kitty cat who hangs around the parking lot #bc hes owned by the ppl who own the bar right next door #its so great. everybody knows him (the cat) and loves him. the v/ape shop next door has a tip door set up for him even though the #bar owner ppl take care of him and take him to the vet nd stuff. my dad found a faceb/ook page somebody made for him #and apparently it just has pictures of ppl at the bar holding him. its so great and hilarious. this cat is so loved #by the v/ape shop people. by random people at this beachtown bar. by the breakfast shop people.#anyways uh. this post was abkut kandi wasnt it 😭😭😭 lol #cherry chortles #anyways the add/er/all also usually makes me want to look at and sort through my pkmn card collection. so imma do that #because my dads friend (and my friend too i guess! me and him exchange cat photos bc he has this adorable chunky cat named gremlin) that we #play bar trivia with on tuesdays (dw its not really even a bar. its mostly a restaurant) asked me abt my pokemon card collection #bc the final question was to put a few franchises (it was like. dora the ecplora and spide/rman etc. and pokemon) in order of revenue #and obvs pokemon was the top. bc of factors like the trading cards so thats how that came up #we didnt bet any of our points btw but we almost! got it right! the order was pk/mn dora spidamen friends (the tv seies) but we had spidman #as second. but we still won!! our team is on a two game winning streak!!! we always split the money so next week ill get another 8 dolla >:3 #wow i havent hit tag limit yert #lol. yall'll open the 'see all tags' thing and boom. do you love the color of the sky type shit 😭😭😭#sorry that sounds too much like aave. i (white baby) cant be sayin that #cherrys kandi #okay well i had a tag with a verse from the ultimarw showdown bc i didnt know what else to say #but with my kandi tag and these two tags i have hit tag limit. thank you folks ill be here all night

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crabs-nonsense · 1 year

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Holy shit! I just realized the reason I couldn't fucking see darker art on my phone screen is because I forgot I turned the brightness way down last night and never fixed it. I feel so stupid.

#i can now see the fanart id been looking at without it being mostly shadowed aha #crab says words #i keep my brightness pretty low but i had a headache last night so turned it almost all the way off #it was enough for it to be darker but not super obvious hence the being dumb and not fixing it #anyways i actually came here to talk about how i had a physical therapy appointment but they told me that actually im fine so uh #they recommended seeing neurology for my head issues and maybe pain management and to come back later when i knew more specific stuff #i didnt even know there was a specialized pain management department at the hospital #honestly i think i manage just fine *dramatic flailing that indicates that im both horribly offend and also lying*#anyways yeah still not diagnosed and still in constant pain lets go! i have another appointment next month for something else #its like rheumatology? i dont know what they do aha but apparently i need to see them to get diagnosed?#i am a perfectly mature and functional adult.... (my mother made the appointments and knows the information)#i am absolutely useless :D #and with all that said! sorry i was too lazy to make this two different posts lmao #the pt appointment left me with a horrible headache that i still have so im gonna go cry about it :)

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paradoxicalpaldeann · 1 year

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i don't know if i'll be able to post on here or ao3 much at all in the coming months. vent in the tags

#like real vent #i honestly think this is the worst i've ever felt #bordering on a fucking mental breakdown #i hate myself because my thoughts are so violent right now and i already snapped and talked back when i didnt mean to im scared im going to #hurt someone i fucking hate myself so much im geniunely such a stupid retard i cant even fucking do my schoolwork #i overheard my parents talking about how they might consider deleting all my writing because apparently i spend too much time on it #when i barely ever even get to touch it recently #if they do that i dont even know what ill fucking do that will geniunely be the last straw #my mother always talked about how she moved out young and how much it hurt her but she is not fucking helping right now #i dont even know anymore #im scared #i dont want to be here anymore #i shouldn't be this upset all the time #i shouldn't post this with all the tags and i know that but fuck i don't care anymore. i love you all so much and im sorry #im sorry that this shit is on your dash im sorry i made false promises about long fics im sorry i never update im sorry my writing is never #even any fucking good im sorry #i hope you're all having a better day than i am. you all deserve it #im sorry theres literally no other place i can vent and my therapist sides with my parents regardless #i love you all platonically. gonna go crawl up in a corner and fucking die

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imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 2 years

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i fucking hate the people who translated the owl house into my native language.

like, my language is very gender and i already half expected something like this. this episode with raine came up and i was so fucking scared of what they'd do.

and then raine spoke and... okay. so they had a male voice actor. no more androgynous voice, mostly. okay. i can deal with that. that means nothing.

and then they went and used "male" pronouns

and i. i'm kinda hoping i misheard. i am so so so hoping i misheard.

like, they just went and misgendered raine, badly (and also turning their and eda's relationship hetero in the process like no she's bi! she likes nb folks too!)

and now all the kids who only watch it in my native tongue - they'll think they're a guy. but raine ISN'T a guy.

and like. i sort of expected this. i was afraid of it. but now i'm just... i'm so disappointed. there was FINALLY someone like me in media, and it's not a big deal, like raine's nonbinary, they use they/them pronouns, they're neither a guy nor a girl, THEY JUST EXIST AND EVERYONE IS FINE WITH IT!!

and they erased it. they just completely erased it. i don't know what i expected, but.... fuck them translators. FUCK them.

#im sobbing so hard rn tbh #i didnt think itd affect me this bad bc i thought i was prepared #but i was still HOPING #and now...... im. im just. there was someone like me! someone super cool whom no one questions and hey we even share lots of traits!!#and they go and just cut all that out. like the translators just.... idk. it feels like a part of ME has been ripped away #like this was me. this was someone like me. but theyre apparently not allowed to exist. people like me are not allowed to exist in media #thats the message im getting #it feels like being punched in the face #actually it feels like being beaten up entirely #like i know there arent official genderneutral prns over here except 'it' which wouldnt be ideal in this case #but! just always say their name instead of pronouns! make up new pronouns! TEACH KIDS NEW RAD GN PRONOUNS!!#but dont. dont take this major part of raines character away. dont take their representation away. dont take people like me away #how can society as a whole ever accept people like me when were not even allowed to exist on screen. when were explicitly erased #i hate this i hate this i HATE THIS #yeah its been like 5 mins plus and im still crying isnt it sad. isnt it pathetic #not on my part im allowed to be up in arms about this. its pathetic of the translators. DO YOUR FCKING JOB #a biscuit's rambles #toh

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#sometimes u just gotta have a cringe fail weekend. is what i tell myself bc i let the fact that i forgot to check my new #email completely obliterate me. also i haven't been sleeping enough. also just the normal thoughts in my head #by which i mean the part of my brain that demands consequences for inattention by means of suffering. devine punishment.#which is irrational and annoying but knowing that doesnt seem to help. so ive just been laying here in the hopes i come unspooled and start #to disintegrate. which is annoying bc ive got stuff to do #specifically bc i am supposed to b a TA this semester. which is what i figured but also feared #so. thats gonna b a lot. tho not as much as my old school bc they dont make TAs do literally everything here apparently #but. itll b a lot. and also i have to finish signing up for classes. bc i didnt do that back in April by my brain was melting. also i have #to keep doing my job and dealing with my data. ugh. well. being a TA isnt so bad. i do like to help ppl learn even if im not very good at it #like. i struggle with thr talking to ppl part. like the transition of ny thoughts to something thst makes sense #oh well. hope i end up teaching something im not too unqualified for. i could do soils. Ecology. uhhh. maybe intro bio but i never even took #university level biology. i just skipped upper level courses. that's probably it. anything else would b a lotta faking it #ugh. im tired. i should go to sleep at 9pm. thr sun hasbt even set and i should sleep #tomorrow i have to get my shit together. but also i wanna email my new professor like hey bro like what do u want me to do???#like how do i start in this lab? when do we start talking. like just not to b pushy but whats thr procedure?#i like Structure but also its like weeks until the semester starts so we got time. im just a lil nuts #jesus. its gonna b an interesting semester. hopefully fun but uh it is sorta like taking a boat out when u can see big ominous clouds #like im sure ill b fine but also i might get dumped over into a watery grave. i just. i have a lot of papers to write #and its gonna b hard to b a student on top of that. partly bc what im gonna b doing now is almost completely unrelated #which is probably y ppl stick to the same track they stsrt on. that awkward moment when ppl ask u if ur gonna keep working with bi0crust #and ur like uhhhh no fuck that actually the work ive done in the past 4 years makes me hate myself✌️#so we r back at square 1. well not 1 bc its sorta related but its a pretty big reset #itll b fine once things start. its just thr anticipation that kills me #unrelated

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ff2-soda-pop · 1 year

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having. bad moment today alright-

#everything in class was too overwhelming to the point i couldnt even talk anymore and i couldnt leave and i didnt wanna stim because then #people would See Me and stuff so i just sat there suffering with that.#and then ig we're preparing for Finals but i barely have understood this whole class because it goes Too Fast for me and im scared im gonna #fail and i cant fail otherwise im gonna get the help w/ the financial stuff taken away and thats basically gonna screw me over big time but #idk what im doing!! and then the teacher said things about like 'oh if you say you're not taking this again next semester i'll take off #points' BUT IDK IF SHE WAS SERIOUS OR NOT?????? like shes generally pretty nice but like i cant tell if she was kidding or not at all but i #dont wanna ask because no one else seemed confused by it and i dont wanna stick out so i just. am confused #also im scared if i fail this class my mom'll get pissed because shes very insistent that i am the 'normal' one and so i 'have' to go to #school ad basically live life like a Normal Allistic Person which. is bullshit but thats besides the point #and my only class rn is japanese which until now ive been consistently GOOD at so if i fail that my mom'll probably get Extra pissed at me #for it because of that. also trying to ask for help hasnt worked so good so far because i tried and the teachers like 'you're doing fine!#dont worry about it :D' and im like 'i have barely understood anything for weeks on end but idk how to argue you on this and it feels rude #to try and be like No Actually Wrong' so then i just. dont say anything #also i still have no accommodations because i still havent gotten copies of papers i need and they wont let me do anything until i have #those copies of things from older schools before i went here. EVEN THOUGH IM LITERALLY DIAGNOSED AND AM STRUGGLING BUT APPARENTLY PAPERS #FROM OLD SCHOOLS ARE THE ONLY THING THAT CAN 'PROVE' I NEED HELP???? WHICH MAKES NO SENSE TO ME BUT ANYWAYS-#anyways everything is too much and i wanna curl up in a ball and just kinda stay like that forever #vent

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snekdood · 1 year

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people will be so terminally jealous of you that they’d rather you reexperience your trauma but somehow in a worse way than just let you live your regular happy life as it has been

#sorry i had privilege over you- real or imagined- but it is what it is #and taking it out on me instead of oh idk. the polticians who are to blame for your shitty situation. isnt gonna make your life any better.#i kinda have no control over your life and its actually not my personal job to give you shit #especially since you're a skeevy fuck who cant be honest about your wants needs and intentions and just pretend to be certain ways #so people stay around you and you get the beenfit of community rather than be the real skeevy fuck you are #like damn maybe if you were real i coulda helped you and we didnt have to go through all of this bs of you pretending you like me #just to get shit out of me #you saw how i looked. you saw how i express myself. you saw my confidence. and you did this out of some weird rageful jealousy #and then once you found out how bullied i was. suddenly im nothing. suddenly all the things you envied so deeply that you have to pretend #i dont exist and im not the reason you draw the way you do now. suddenly im nothing. in spite of apparently being the thing that made you #want to draw again anyways.#you really really do value might makes right even if you dont think you do. like if me being bullied is enough for you to decide im nothing #and you gotta go faun after my bullies then like idk what to tell you duder but thats might makes right lmao #how can i go from being *the sun* to you. from being all of your favorite ocs. to being absolutely nothing short of you having some deep #shame about me now that you know all the shit ppl put me through in hs?#i mean aside from all the shit you made up about me- lets put a pin in that right now okay- bc this is the real reason #lets be honest here.#and yet i know.#deep down. you still kinda envy me. because imma be myself no matter what any of yall do #and thats something you cant do ever. rip off your mask.

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kajiimotojiiro · 2 years

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Ugh

#im going to ramble in these tags for a bit so that the potentially triggering tags #are located way way way down and no one will look at them i just #so uh yeah hows the weather anyone else having insane sinus drainage #i actually had a patient call me today worried because her nose was running and her head hurt and im like #well if it isnt getting worse and its only been a few days and you have no other symptoms you probs have sinus issues like everyone else #in this state but if youre super worried and antihistamines dont help please contact your doctor i appreciate your faith in a pharmacist #being able to diagnose over the phone but i actually legally cannot do that #are these tags long enough yet #possibly but who knows anyway if youre here uhhh tw animal death ahead #im a petsitter and have been for like. 10 years now and i share sits with my mom sometimes bc i work full time and cant always get there #anyway at one of our shared sits today she went in and one of the little cats was just #suddenly dead. like she wasnt that old and yet she was just. stiff and gone and we're both just so fucked up over it #like i wish there had been some sign and we could have saved her even though it was likely an unfixable heart defect #and her people apparently had taken her to the vet LAST WEEK and didnt bother to tell us that she seemed to be feeling poorly last week #and theyre just like oh we'll get a new cat when we come back #meanwhile my ocd has been going insane since then bc i have really bad intrusive thoughts centering on keeping my cats alive #like half of my rituals are specifically for my cats #and i just keep think about poor sammie dying alone and scared bc we werent there with her and her people had been gone since friday #and it just makes me so fucking sad my heart is breaking but i cant stop thinking about it and no distractions are working #rip sammie you were such a sweet little cat and im so sorry you had to go alone and scared

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orcelito · 2 months

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There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.

I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.

#speculation nation #id love a good butch who can pick me up and help move my furniture #and who is so sweet and treats me like im someone valuable (& not immediately replaceable ...)#the bar is actually so low. god why do i keep ending up dating assholes?#ex before this ex wasnt an asshole. i was the asshole in that situation.#but that's where the whole. wanting to find someone right for me comes in.#god 'ex' really is such a vague term for me. i got bad ex goth ex uhh other good ex but still sucked #nothingburger exes 1 2 3 4 #and the gay awakening ex who i really shouldve given more attention to but unfortunately i was a stupid 16 year old #and broke up with her for my bad ex. alas.#and then theres milquetoast ex and uhmmm. well i actually dont know what im going to label my most recent one.#i dont think it's fully sunk in yet what happened. bc it really was so sudden.#i last saw her on thursday and everything was normal and nice. just like pretty much the whole of the 6 months with her.#and then she started hanging out with the coworker i guess. and the rest is history.#i think she lied about being busy spending time with friends to excuse why she was so distracted on the weekend.#she was probably busy spending time with that girl. who she apparently feels like shes suffocating if shes not in the same room as her #it does suck in a lot of ways. but also with her friends. i was trying rly hard to spend time with them and be liked by them.#one of them's moving into my building this next year. across from my unit. so i wonder how thats gonna go.#my ex mentioned how she'd be spending twice as much time here then just last saturday.#and now. well. like fuck she's coming in here anymore. but i wonder if i'll see her going to visit her friend.#id been kind of excited for it. looking forward to spending time with a neighbor too. but probably not anymore.#i do wonder what her friends will think. i hope she tells them the truth and they chew her out for being such an asshole.#literally breaking up with me over text. who fucking does that??? she didnt have the guts to hear me cry???#i'll make sure she sees the full force of my displeasure when she drops my gifts off tomorrow.#she used to like how rough around the edges i am. well she's gonna see just how rough around the edges i Really am.#i kind of. dont really want to see her. but i also do. i want her to look me in the face and talk to me #to see who it is she's dropping. to see how it has affected me. even if she didnt see my heartbreak as it happened.#i laid into her Hard so she knew just how badly she hurt me. so that she would feel even a fraction of my hurt.#so she would feel Guilty. she apologized over and over. said she knew she'd regret it. but she just Had to do it.#'this will be my life's regret' then why'd you do it? fucking impulsive dumbass. what bullshit.

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