#i didnt forget. i just forgot to mention it here. i like to document it ig

[microwavefood]

interesting development: patri seems to actually like the internet phrase "fuck nasty and kill yourself" because Of Course Thats The One Phrase He Takes A Liking To.

[sheepgirlmaidtummy]

oh yea. today is the day i hatched. its been 4 years babey

[yuvon-writes-letters]

To, Yu

Okay, I was gone, and the moment I came back, i [The sentence randomly stops]

I’m, not upset at the fact you lied, i actually had an inkling for awhile now while you were describing the rooms for the first time, it looked like you wanted to continue, but stopped yourself at the last second. I understand why you lied, seeing all of those things must’ve been hard, but Lis and I can’t help you if we don’t know anything, ok Yu?

It sounds like, you found ways out, but both are, not good for you? I don’t know, my brain’s all fuzzy and I can’t comprehend words right, maybe I’m getting something wrong.

My point is, when you build up the guts to, please please please explain to us, or at least me, on what’s in that North room, I don’t care if it’s bad we need to know everything we can about the realm so [The sentence stops again]

Sorry, I’m just, kind of on the edge. Of course you don’t have to tell me now, but

If, it’s not intruding on personal space, what the hell happened between you and Jake? I’m assuming that Jake lied about something, but I don’t think we would do any good if there’s bad blood between the two of you. I sent my Jake the letters too, and he agrees as well.

We’re both worried about you, so, don’t hide anything, alright? [The rest of the text is blacked out]

Rai and Jake

|Hello, real person behind Rai here, I wanted to clarify some things because I don’t think I made it clear before (I’m sorry about that). Rai is a complete OC, their not a self-insert at all, and they have their own life completely separate from mine. Although it is true that I’ll be busy on July and won’t write letters frequently, I wanted to give an in-character Roleplay reason as to why Rai is not as active as the first few letters, hence the panicking at the last letter.

I, the real person, am completely alright, Rai, is not, not at all :)|

Rai,

Thanks for understanding. I'll try to hide as little as I can from now on.

What I think are the two ways out are sitting still and looking pretty, which I despise the concept of, and killing the MWAF by paying an even price, which I hate the idea of even more. (Blacked out) I checked out the altar room a little more, and the phrase "An eye for an eye" (or something approximate because Google Translate) was on the back of the altar in Greek. Jake helped me translate it before we argued.

Mixing mythologies yet again. So far we've got Egyptian, Greek, and... Biblical? I think that's from the Bible. Sue me, it's been a while since I took World Religions.

Actually... no. I guess it hasn't. It just feels longer than it actually was.

I'll try to be a little more specific about what's in the north room. It's not... quite as bad as I made it out to be before, but I was already freaking out and in a bad headspace from remembering the freaky stuff, and I blew it a little out of proportion. I'm not sure how I'd even explain what it really is, though.

It's something similar to a hologram, transparent enough that you can see the trees through it. There's some text in white that doesn't seem to be addressed to me, implying that I'm stuck between the end of something and the beginning of another. Then there are a couple bars— five, to be exact —and two of them are filling with orange very slowly. The others are untouched so far. It's implied I'll be out of this place when all the bars fill up to full. I'm not sure this text was necessarily written by the entity, though. If it was, I think it'd address me a little more directly.

I don't think the argument Jake and I had is necessarily all that useful to the investigation, but since I'm trying to not keep secrets anymore, I'll say it regardless. The cause is tangentially related to the case, anyhow.

I asked him a little while ago whether he could find out if there was a missing person's out for me or not, so we could figure out the extent of the stasis. Then drama happened and I completely forgot all about it until two days ago. I asked him again then, and he sort of acted a little cagey while telling me that he was still in the process of investigating, and told me to wait another day. So I did. I don't think he expected me to remember, since I forget things all the time, but I don't forget things I'm really invested in and I REALLY wanted to know the answer to that question.

Jake made an excuse and went offline when I tried to ask again, which sort of made me think the worst. In hindsight, thinking that anyone who could've reported me missing was dead was pretty stupid, but you try being rational in the face of an unknown like that. In any case, I got anxious, and that sort of blew everything out of proportion, and then that made me more and more upset, and given all the other bullshit inherent in this place and the stress I've been through lately I just completely broke down. Had to sit down and put my head down so I was less likely to pass out from my hyperventilating. Luckily, I knew what was going on and I know breathing exercises, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

In any case, when I was back to being semi-functional, I unlocked my phone again, meaning to close out of the chat, but apparently my last few texts before I had to stop had managed to get across to Jake at least a portion of how freaked out I was. He probably figured it out based on all the typoes and the lack of punctuation or something, his "flaw" (if you can call it that) only seems to make him oblivious to tone and not to outright out of character writing styles.

So he finally told me that there wasn't a missing person's out for me, and not only that but everyone who might have put one out pretty much forgot I existed. He got my fucking parents to answer a "survey," and they only filled out that my half-sister existed, not me. Legal documents and stuff were still all in order, but literally the only people who seem to remember I fucking exist are the Duskwood crew and you and Lis and he had the nerve to tell me that he didnt want to tell me because it wasnt essential information and it would affect my judgement

Back now. I screamed abuse into the woods for a couple minutes, so I feel a bit better now.

I can see his point, logically, but for fuck's sake, there are some things that don't have much to do with the case that I do need to know regardless. This is one.

I'm not going to cut contact with him forever. To put it callously, neither of us can afford that. But if I talk to him now, I'm going to end up saying something or other I'll regret.

Right. Other topics.

Rai, are you doing alright? I know you've got personal issues going on, and I'm not trying to pry into them, but your writing is sort of disjointed and you mentioned being "fuzzy" and "not comprehending words right". Are you getting enough to drink and to sleep? I know weird shit happens to me when I get dehydrated. If you ever feel like you're about to pass out, sit down and put your head between your knees. If this continues, maybe you should see a doctor. Do you feel like your head is stuffed with cotton balls, at all? Any other symptoms?

Feel better :(

—Yu

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[slumberinglabyrinth]

a while back i did a review of the prison chapter in por and it was totally overblown and whatever but i kinda wanna do that again for (what remains of) radiant dawn so i guess i will

I'll be doing them in batches since this got long. In this post: 3-5 through 3-9

3-5: it's been two years and i forget why we have to defend this castle

this was a pretty alright map. the reinforcements were annoying but that's because I generally don't actually turtle all that much on defend chapters and as a result I was Right There whenever and wherever they showed up. I tried to grab the energy drop off the boss but the dude ran away from Heather the moment I created an opening and I didn’t want to reset so :^/

I moved provoke off of shinon and onto Brom for this and its... probably way too strong? like it wasn't a 100% draw rate but there were several turns in a row where he was the only person being attacked which is. insane. and also super fun lmao. I think it's a shame that the hostility mechanics in fe aren't as well documented; on some level it ruins the magic, but in cases like this where you're actively influencing it i think it'd be useful to know to what degree you're actually influencing it

disarm + steal is also a really neat/fun idea that would be a great way to counteract how i apparently will never have any money for weapons while playing as the greilgallia party crew 😔 (not to be confused with the greilgallia polycule, which disbanded around twenty years earlier) but I can also never get disarm to proc and half the things that i was able to get unequipped were too heavy for Heather to actually steal 😔

all around a decent map to ease myself back into playing rd with. I certainly could have played better, but defend maps tend to be easier and I appreciated that here

3-6: dawn brigade returns and promptly sinks into a swamp

god this map sucked. it's really hard to pick where to start with it but while i get that lore dictates that they need to only be fighting laguz right here it was probably the wrong gameplay decision with everything else that was going on. I think maybe making tigers have ~4 less str across the board would have been a nice start since I kinda needed to either never get hit by them at all or to kill them first.

several chapters later I’m also realizing maybe i should have like. started to use bexp lol

fighting laguz is also really weird in terms of like... because they have boosted stats while transformed so you can either kill them while they're untransformed (which is fairly easy but since they don't attack, you have to kill them during player phase which means one per turn per unit), deal chip damage (or none at all) to burn down their gauge so you can actually kill them, or try to power through their boosted stats and hope you don’t die in the process.

Because I hadn't used bexp and almost all my units were super weak, I mostly had to rely on the eff against beasts knife that you can buy in the bargain shop this chapter and also volug, who had enough def (even with halfshift) to not die in one round. Honorable mentions go to noland (a fitting name for this map), jill (with canto!), and zihark, who were able to help pick off untransformed laguz, and to micaiah, who could deal magic damage and actually damage transformed laguz.

this was also the first dawn brigade map! i know lots of people people dont like their maps after act 1 and while i was trying to go into this one with an open mind... yeah, they totally got shafted by this map design. it's not really their fault but this map sucked hard. I know that they generally did one of each class variant (fire mage, wind mage, etc.) and not have duplicates but I think that the dawn brigade would have benefited from another mage of some kind if only so you could have someone who could deal with all these goddamned cats

also bk shows up but since he's not a bonus unit i didn't want to feed him kills so i didnt really use him. maybe that was a mistake. also why couldn't he like. warp someone that wasn't the furthest away from the action.

3-7: hey so we heard you liked the previous map

Zihark is there? fuck this i'm reverting to a previous save and unrecruiting him

3-6: i forgot to mention that this map was a swamp map and also had darkness

I know I've mentioned that the similar map in fe6 (desert+fog) was actually kinda alright but this one isnt that at all. Playing through it a second time helped because i knew where enemies were spawning, but it was still more annoying than fun.

Swamps commit the cardinal sin of forcing everyone that can't fly (in this case: everyone but jill) to suffer massive terrain penalties. Deserts at least let mages move a little bit further (which admittedly wouldn't help much here since it's only micaiah and laura), but here everyone friend and foe alike (except Jill) moves slowly and it makes gameplay just grind to a halt which is never, ever fun level design.

Also Fiona just. could not move beyond the starting island. she couldn't even wade a little bit into the swamp like i did with ed and leo to attack at range and get laguz to untransform. they let you deploy everyone but it genuinely felt like i wasn't handed the tools to succeed at this map. always a great goal to have when designing a game

I don't know how to improve this map. unrecruiting zihark (by flying him up to the northeast with jill and having him talk to mordy/lethe) wasn't particularly difficult (battle saves make it easy enough to scout out where they were, and it's not like i'd ever feel bad about 'cheating' on this map) but... would a greater field of view actually help? would making it not a swamp actually help? would giving you more allied units that'll throw themselves in the face of danger with no regard for their own lives actually help?

I don't know.

3-7: but for real this time

Back to ikequest!

this map is... literally the same map as the previous one, but with a different map objective. and larger. and backwards. and not at night.

it's still a swamp.

Luckily, it's a survive map, and the vast majority of the enemy force does not have the time to actually reach you if you hide up in the corner.

Which is exactly what i did.

Here's the list of the optional units (ike and ranulf are mandatory, which sucks because i don't like using twinks cat laguz and ike's plot promotion feels miles away) I deployed and why I deployed them

Haar: to fly out and recruit Jill

Gatrie: to be carried by Haar and specifically to bait the single thunder mage in Haar's way (and help Haar clean out that area so Jill can be safely recruited). I gave him corrosion two maps ago and it actually fully disarmed a guy on this map! 🎊

Brom: stand near where the swamp ends and draw the handful of enemies that actually make it all the way there away from ike and ranulf and ulki and jaffar (who are auto-recruits in this chapter).

This map is. so incredibly easy to both beat and complete the (meaningful) optional objectives on. I missed a conversation between Ike and Micaiah (which requires you to travel all the way across the map that i just finished saying takes forever to traverse and do it in 12 turns), but as long as you unrecruit Zihark on the previous map (he's.... right in the middle of the main force so good luck if you don't) you can probably do this map first try with no deaths even if you haven't trained haargatriebrom At All

I think that kinda underscores a problem that intsys had with rd which was... it feels like they didn't really have a lot of time to fine-tune stuff? like you're going from the hardest (or at least most unpleasant) map to the easiest one this side of the tutorial and it just. doesn't feel good? like there's going to be some inherent difficulty in balancing a difficulty curve when you're shifting from party to party but. this was bad. really bad.

Also a side observation but it does actually say who units can talk to in battle prep which is pretty useful thing to have! you need to shift the stat spreadsheet allllll the way over, but it's there!

i promptly forgot about it by the time 3-10 came around and was like "hey i should just. have ike run up to elincia, see if they'll talk, and then reset" though lol

3-8: Less-than-Lethal Lava Land

A fairly standard lava cave map. My only real comment here is that it was kinda nice how they made the spots where you'd take damage fairly obvious while still making them appear as natural parts of the terrain. I think it was the durandal map in 7 but its "if you're on these at the end of the turn you'll take damage" tiles looked super out of place while the armads map on the other hand wasn't super self-evident and i'm glad they improved

3-9: still cant use lucia >:(

Another party shift (this time to Elincia), and there was some good use of ledges in this chapter!

Most of your units couldn't use them but it created alternate paths for the ones that could (Calill and Devdan). Previous maps tended to use them more as holes in your defenses than needed to be plugged, but it created ways to progress (and ways for reinforcements to catch up) that are usually reserved for flying units, except now you're interacting with the map instead of ignoring it completely.

I think I've yet to meet someone who genuinely likes ledges as a map element, though I think this map really drives home that the sole (inherent) problem with them is the accuracy modifications (which, as this map also demonstrates when the stairs near the end become a chokepoint, are actually present with all elevation changes). While the +2 damage dealt while on the high ground is reasonable, +50 and especially -50 to hitrate are insane and completely unnecessary modifiers. They should be half that if you even choose to retain both.

Anyway.

the absolute lack of a (player-controlled) healer in Elincia's party was also........ interesting. Annoying, but interesting. Why must allied clerics choose death?1

[dazaaaai]

Can you tell me about your bsd ocs and how you met them? I really enjoy ics and self-inserts and this blog is one of my personal favorites.

Oh!!! Yes yes, of course, I would absolutely love to! You’re very sweet ;w; it’s always so hard for me to imagine that tho like wh?! You actually like other peoples’ characters, even ones based on themselves??? I thought everyone hated that- so that’s why it’s a blessing to have you around, heehee! I’m glad to be one of your favorites

So I take it you know me! I will introduce you to my friends (and enemies…)

Daniel Fenton is not an OC, he’s just straight-up based on Danny Phantom because I like cartoons and that’s my second biggest fandom. It just felt weird not having him here, and he really fits in! Here he’s come to Japan with his family for work reasons, and his ghost powers are an ability instead - Going Ghost. They’re more limited here - none of that green energy blast stuff, just floating and being spooky. He saved Dazai from drowning in a river a lot like Atsushi! So Dazai set up a staged entrance exam (where he saved yours truly!) and he joined because the boy super needed money.If you’d like to read the story about that, I can share it later on! Anyways, he’s kind of always running out on his own little adventures, coming back with all the bumps and bruises he doesn’t want to talk about… Cool thing is Yosano can heal him any time with a snap of her fingers because he’s already half dead as it is! He’s a little protective of me, even from Dazai, but ah! We have real-world emotional history, so his connection to me there is strong. 

Theodore Sadau is an OC I’ve had for a long time but he’s very different here. He’s ordinarily the greatest hero but here he’s the worst villain… A Guild member who’s deluded into thinking he’s a prince and deserves to be treated as such, though he steps over everyone else. I met him in a battle and he hurt me so badly… Dazai came to save me but it was Daniel who beat him into the ground after that. His ability is Prince of Shadows, and it works exactly the same way as Danny’s, to our horror. The singularity of the ability was something that Dazai had not heard of in a long time until that battle…

Celil Memmedquluzade has a long and strange name but he’s based on an author from my country of Azerbaijan, and I’ve read all his works. The Disappearance of the Donkey, despite its title is the most depressing thing I’ve ever read and is what his ability is based on. In perfect contrast to mine (which can bring anyone to me), his ability can send anyone and anything away to any place he’s been with just one touch… But he’ll never know where. It could be back to his home country or just across the street. He joined Fyodor out of desperation even though he hates him, and is always trying to pull me away from the Agency,  find a way to leave, insistent that we don’t belong here… But I belong more in Yokohama than he ever will with the Russians. I can’t ever go back there even if there’s nothing more in the world that he wants than to return.

I have many more OCs based on authors (check them out over here or here!) that I just haven’t met in the plot, so I’m not putting them here! But the rest of the OCs I’m gonna list are all my friends, real friends who made characters for the BSD universe alongside me and have allowed me to include them in my storyline! You can see more of them here! There are many of them as well but I will focus on the ones that show up or that I mention the most!

My best friend is my actual best friend, @bishamn! Ioanna is in-universe a Greek ability user. We met when she came to Yokohama for leisure but the Mafia tried to steal her away! The Agency saved her and she ended up staying mostly because Dazai decided I needed a friend. Her ability is The Third Chance, which can turn anyone invisible and intangible (rendering them useless in a fight) for a certain amount of time, but it only works the third time she tries to use it. 

@theartisticintrovert is the Junichirou to my Naomi in a MUCH less weird and possessive way, but seriously! My surrogate big brother is Tyler, a Korean-American come to Japan, his ability Grudge sends everyone into deep and sudden anxiety which gets worse the longer he stays quiet. We met in Yokohama International School, shared a creative writing class. Then one day his ability went off super badly, and, well! Junichirou and I were sent to investigate. We ended up roping him in and he adopted Q at some point. It’s great, send him an ask about it!

Miss Momo-chan, an American come to Japan for work and having found it at the Agency, she’s the person to go to who knows everything about where anything is and how to help you with your emotional problems - and is remarkably good at putting up with Kunikida’s, er, strictness! I wonder why… @moreroads​ worked at the Agency before I was there and helped me a lot through all of my troubles!

@musical-selfshipper​ is someone you’ll never forget, and neither will I. An emotion manipulator, ability by the name of Ganymede. Chinese-Taiwanese-American, she’s Poe’s girl and it’s a wonder, he’s so shy and she’s so not, but you gotta love their love! We met when she joined the Agency straight forward, sometime after the mess with the Guild, but details about her exam are a little sketchy for now. 

Shelby is an American non-ability user clerk for the Agency who’s kind of a cryptid and a huge conspiracy theorist. Resident Ranpo lover @shelf-insert is another victim I’ve roped into joining the Agency! Nobody’s really sure if she was always in the Agency or not, but she’s for certain one of my greatest friends, and always has the greatest advice!

Millie is another clerk for the Agency! Beautiful dark skinned American friend not sweet on @minty-selfships, oh no…! :3 We met because she joined a short while after I did, but didn’t talk much until I decided that she and Atsushi were even more of a hopeless oblivious mess than me and Dazai ever were…! So the matchmaking and a great friendship began.

Let’s not forget @selfshipstation, the source of Sylvia Plath (that’s not her real name, she just forgot it and chose that one instead). Ability by the name of Amnesia, she ends up with the Guild after wiping her own memory and goes on quite a few dates with Mark!

There are MANY, MANY more (Nicole, Nezumi, Annie, Andrea, Rhiannon, Rue, Dante, Brianna, Simon, Cherri) and they are all amazing friends and great people who are definitely part of my story as a whole but for one reason or another I won’t elaborate on them!! Some whose self-insert I don’t know, some who aren’t as into BSD despite having a character, and some who I just haven’t talked to recently enough… If you’d like more info and my full ability user list tho, here’s my !! pride and joy, a document of all of them!!!

[saintkimora]

here is how my last date went w joel (once again i have mixed feelings about it) plus how things are going now

so i saw him the other night. i got there and it was him marissa and lindsey as usual but they also had their friends moshe and adiena there. so that was kinda awkward (for me at least). they were all just sitting around talking and moshe and joel were playing mario kart on the switch and then joel made everyone watch like category is, read u wrote u, the s8 and 9 finale lip syncs, and the alyssa edwards drop dead gorgeous mix. it was kinda awkward bc the others werent really into it after the first 2 videos (except marissa legend) so i was getting secondhand embarrassment but it was still fun i guess since i got to sit next to my man

BUT then things took a turn for the worst bc joel made some attempt to include me in the group conversation. i got so sweaty instantly and i was wearing a tank so i was like fuck! nothing to cover it up. so yeah eventually moshe and adiena left and it was just us the 4 sisters again

marissa started vacuuming and lindsey was showing us some books she has. then they both went to their rooms and it was just me and joel. he said chris was still in his room playing tekken 7 on his ps4 and he didnt wanna kick him out yet so we stayed in the living room and he made me watch the great british bake off with him and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring omg like this is what yall call a competition? it was not intense at ALL literally flop shows only

then eventually we went into his room and he kicked chris out (after playing one round w him) so it was just us. this is where the date got enjoyable

one of the things he did was he started talking to me about his opinions on like race and stuff currently in america. and his opinions were all p good except for a few so that was fine. it was nice i guess to have like a serious convo w him i guess

THEN he referenced something from his childhood and i didnt know what it was obv so he was like “ive never told you the story of my childhood??” so he told me and oh my gosh it was so SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD omg im not gonna put all his business on here but it was such a sad story and i felt so bad for him and i wished i met him years ago so i couldve been there for him through all of it. but yeah it was v unfortunate i was like shocked like he seriously could not catch a break and he explained to me how the things from back then affect him to this day w like his anxiety for example and yeah. like obv i wasnt happy to hear about all those sad things but i was happy that he told me bc it made me feel closer to him

now for the part i DIDNT like. so at one point he somehow tried to talk to me about what celebrities and porn stars we think are hot. i did not want to have this conversation bc it feels pointless for me bc i dont keep up w celebrities and plus like the guy im with is always the #1 hottest guy for me so i dont feel the need to lust after celebs and porn stars. but whatever he was insistent on talking about this so we did. and the part that made me feel :/ was that none of the guys looked like me. like literally all the celebrities and porn stars he listed literally looked NOTHING like me whatsoever. like i didnt have a SINGLE thing in common w any of these guys. so to hear him going on and on about how hot these guys are and how they could have him any day and stuff was just kinda deflating to me bc they were all like the complete opposite of me in terms of looks. like they were all super buff daddy types and i have like 0 muscles and i dont really have strong chiseled features either. like i know im prob being oversensitive/too competitive but idk it just made me uncomfortable

and then when i told him all my faves it was different bc he did have a lot in common w all the guys i mentioned. he was like “im noticing a pattern here” and hes right, like if i did have a “”type” he would probably be it. i personally dont like talking about hot guys w any guy im currently with bc for me its like if the guy im with is all heart eyes emoji about another guys looks then obv im gonna look at this guy and compare myself to him which is not something i want to do since most of the time the other guys have me beat. so i dont bring up guys i find hot for the same reason bc i wouldnt want the guy im with to feel insecure or inadequate or contribute to a negative body image or something. i know not all people think like this and lots of people are perfectly fine w admiring other guys w their s/o but for me its just not something i like to do

so that was the worst part. it made me feel kinda empty the next day (in the moment it wasnt as bad, it was uncomfortable but it wasnt until later that i realized that i really did not look like these guys at all). actually i think this convo happened before the childhood convo. but anyways after all those convos that is when we fooled around

so this time it was fun! first he had me teasing his hole w my dick. its mildy pleasant to me but he like loves it lol. then he did the same to me but his dick was like lubed up from when i was jerking him off beforehand and it really felt like his dick was THIS close to slipping into my hole omg i was nervous i was like if he moves his hips slightly too much im literally gonna lose my virginity LMAO but it was still fun! he ended up cumming on my hole which i honestly didnt mind bc it was easier to clean since its less surface area than say my stomach or something

then i jerked myself off while he kissed me and played w my nipples and stuff since thats still my preferred way to cum. it was nice and then we showered together afterwards. and i forgot to mention it but a few dates ago we showered together for the first time which was super fun!! that time i sucked/jerked him off in the shower until he came. this time we had already cum so we just cleaned ourselves 

then we went to sleep. we woke up and got ready and i got to see him eat breakfast! he had cereal and he looked soooooooo cute omg and then we left his apartment together, then parted ways bc i had to go to my car and he was going to the bus stop down the street. he left bc he is visiting his family back home bc he needs to get some documents to do something for fafsa and he wont be back until wednesday. and i leave on thursday so rip we just have one more chance to see each other 

so that was that! also on the date before that we played this really fun game together called lovers in a dangerous spacetime and i had so much fun! omg we were such gaymers

so yeah thats it! one more date before we have to be apart for a month. im really sad about it actually like ive been getting really emotional over it. like im gonna miss him but also hes kinda going through a difficult time in his life right now and it makes me feel really bad that i wont be able to be there for him in person when he needs me. and ofc im still worried he might meet someone else, like a month is a long time so its v possible for him to forget/lose interest and try to find a new man instead. and these gay apps are location based obv so he could be reinstalling grindr or something and i would have no idea since im so many miles away!!! i doubt he would but again i didnt think caleb would do that either and i was wrong on that so im not trusting my own judgment anymore

im gonna try to enjoy greece but im gonna miss him a LOT and i just hope hes able to hold himself together while im gone since i wont be here to comfort him since im gonna be on another continent. if he does meet someone else im gonna be really sad about it but i am gonna try to be optimistic about it and ill still be able to text him like every day so its gonna suck but it could be worse i guess

[grubhivemind]

JACE: -BREAK TIME. after doing his postal worker thing all morning, jace is parking himself outside the forest to unwind for his lunch hour with a nice little picnic set up. he's got his foodibles, and his tech, watching the video feed on his tablet for any signs of spirits dwelling within the forest, and their behaviors should he capture any. he's a little uneasy, wondering if kougah is around... but at the same time, he kind of hopes he sees him. he's not sure what he wants to say to him, if anything, but the desire is still there.-

KOUGAH: =He's always here. But he has been taking care of his usual rancher duties, having combed the entire forest twice with not a sign of Kikiyo he wonders what to even do. Something. Surely. The devices made to calm the spirits have, thus far, been mere bandages with numbing salve covering angry wounds.= 

KOUGAH: =There is a rustle in some shrubbery and Kougah approaches. Silent and hanging by the treeline, waiting to be acknowledged so to not disturb anything=

JACE: -flinches at the sound, like he always does at sudden noises, but his peripheral vision shows him that it's just kougah... he wasn't expecting to feel indigant at the sight of him, but here he is, lifting his head and huffing a sigh in acknowledgement. sometimes he forgets he has those petty strider genes. he doesn't want to look at him directly yet. but he will steal a quick glance... you know, just to make sure it really is him.- 

JACE: Hi Kougah.

KOUGAH: ... =This is an unusual greeting from Jace but he likely deserves this. Actually context clues from their last encounter gives him a good idea so he stays where he is= Hello Jace.

JACE: ... 

JACE: How are you??? -exchanges pleasantries in the most passive aggressive way he can manage. he's not very good at it.-

KOUGAH: ... 

KOUGAH: 1 am... Hm. 

 KOUGAH: =Eyeballs Jace= 

KOUGAH: Pard0n my g01ng 0ff the s0c1al scr1pt but, h0w are y0u. 1nstead.

JACE: Im fine!! 

 JACE: ... No Im not!!! -sighs and turns to look at him, but his expression falls to an imploring one.- 

JACE: Joel... He told me what you did... To Rammie...

KOUGAH: =Nods= 1 suspected as much.... 1 sh0uld've asked clearly up0n meet1ng y0u 1f y0u were 0f cl0se relat10ns w1th her. 

KOUGAH: 1 ap0l0g1ze f0r n0t d01ng s0. =deeper nod=

JACE: Yeah, you should have! 

JACE: Because you knew Joel was my brother, and you must have known they were close with the way you were acting around him...! I... -looks down at the ground, brows knit.- 

JACE: I dont know what to think now... I dont really understand.

KOUGAH: Y0ur frustrat10n 1s understandable and enc0uraged. 

KOUGAH: ...Anger. 

KOUGAH: 1 ap0l0g1ze f0r c0nfus1ng y0u.

JACE: -continues to avoid looking at him.- I really liked-- 

JACE: -covers his face with one hand. hhhh.- 

JACE: I like hanging out with you... And working on these projects with you! I want to be able to do that still. But I cant if... 

JACE: If I dont know what happened, at least...

KOUGAH: =Silent for a moment= 

KOUGAH: She wandered 1nt0 the f0rest, presumably t0 hunt. 

KOUGAH: She hunted and k1lled my br0ther. 

KOUGAH: I r1ghted the wr0ng w1th her 0wn bl00d.

JACE: -looks at him then with wide eyes. joel said it was a misunderstanding...- Your brother?

KOUGAH: Yes. 

KOUGAH: As alpha, as a fam1ly member, 1 refused t0 n0t seek 1mmed1ate vengence.

JACE: But thats--!! 

JACE: Thats not how that should work???? -starts getting more visably upset.- Shes a person! Not an animal! Its different! 

JACE: -immediately regrets his words and quiets, eyes downcast again. that's probably not a very sensitive thing to say.-

KOUGAH: =If Kougah was offended by it he doesn't act like it. His voice is still even though his expression does falter from stoicism. Inhales softly and exhales= ........ S0 1've been t0ld. 

KOUGAH: But 1 stand by 1t.

JACE: I just... I just mean... -rubs at his eyes.- 

JACE: I dont know what I mean...

KOUGAH: 1t's s0meth1ng y0u're n0t used t0. =He needs a tissue.... but Kougah is hesitant to approach still= 

KOUGAH: Y0u weren't ra1sed w1th the same bel1efs and standards as 1 was. N0r 1 y0ur standards and bel1efs. 

KOUGAH: 1 understand the an1m0s1ty t0wards me and 1 w1ll n0t deny y0u that r1ght.

JACE: -sniffles- Thats not how I feel. 

JACE: I want to be angry... Mostly Im just sad. 

JACE: I want to be your... friend. But I dont know if I can be if you think that kind of thing is okay! Or that its necessary, I guess.

KOUGAH: 1'm s0rry f0r that..... 

KOUGAH: ...Currently 1 am b0und by man's law. 

KOUGAH: G1ven my status t0... the t0wn. 

KOUGAH: All 0f the rangers are c1t1zens 0f Aval0n by law. Regardless 0f h0w 1 feel, what 1 bel1eve, 1 am unable t0 act acc0rd1ngly. =They made that very clear... he even has to change his pelt for roaming town. Closer to the knee. Bah.=

JACE: -now THAT is a crime.- 

JACE: -but no, that's hardly a reassurance, and he's upset all over again.- Well, thats great!! Id murder people if I could, but alas!!!

KOUGAH: 1 d0n't seek any0ne 0ut f0r any reas0n. =Murder is an ugly word.... that's something that happens without provocation= 

KOUGAH: My fam1ly was wr0ng and 1 avenged my br0ther. 

KOUGAH: Wh0 1s st1ll g0ne wh1le she r0ams. 1mpress1ve as 1t 1s 1 feel 1 had fa1led 1n s0me aspect.

JACE: You didnt fail!! She still died! She still had to go through that! 

JACE: Ugh... Were just going in circles now... -sniffles and starts to gather up his things. but even as he does so, he feels hesitant to leave, strangly enough. or maybe it isn't so strange, given what poor judgement he clearly has. but he can't help feeling like there's still something that can make this okay... though, that might just be what he wants to believe.- 

JACE: It doesnt make any difference to you, does it?

KOUGAH: 1t d0es. 1 adm1re her return... but. Truthfully. 1t st1ll makes me angry. 

KOUGAH: As 1 sa1d 1 d0n't expect y0u t0 understand 0r relate, but my br0ther's rest feels r0bbed. 

KOUGAH: The dues were pa1d. But... 1t's n0t fa1r. H0wever that's..... wh1n1ng. And 1 d0n't 1ntend 0n caus1ng m0re pa1in.

JACE: -turns towards him again once his belongings are tucked away.- ... 

JACE: Im sorry about your brother.

KOUGAH: =Watches him... then nods= ..Thank y0u. 

KOUGAH: 1'm s0rry f0r upsett1ng y0u.

JACE: -shuffles his feet, lingering still.- Its... All pretty complicated, huh?

KOUGAH: 1t 1s. 

KOUGAH: S0 1 d0n't expect y0u t0 c0me t0 any c0nclus10n 0ne way 0r the 0ther. 

KOUGAH: 0nly that 1 respect y0ur ch01ce. 

KOUGAH: =Watches Jace silently then grunts softly= S1mply d0 what y0u feel w0uld put y0u m0st at ease.

JACE: -wringes his hands together.- Truth be told, Im very at ease! So its hard for me to know what makes me feel... most at ease!

KOUGAH: ...D0 y0u n0t exper1ence var1ed levers 0f anx1ety when c0ns1der1ng y0ur 0pt10ns 0r be1ng 1n certa1n s1tuat10ns? =Sniffs the air a bit... he could've sworn he smelled it a few times=

JACE: Well... Sure... But something like this? 

JACE: Logic tells me I shouldnt... be your friend but... -pauses to glance away.- 

JACE: When I think about that, I just feel worse.

KOUGAH: Ah..... 

KOUGAH: Hm. 

KOUGAH: There 1s n0th1ng that can be d0ne f0r what 1 d1d...but. 

KOUGAH: 1n 0rder t0... make y0u feel. Better... ab0ut what 1t 1s y0u may want. 1 w0uld 0ffer t0. D0 what 1 can. 

KOUGAH: =Something shifts in the forest and he watches but it's nothing.= 1 w0uld, truthfully and self1shly, enj0y c0nt1nu1ng t0 see y0u.

JACE: -usually he'd be spooked by the noises of the forest, but he's too distracted listening to kougah. his heart is racing all the same.- Ill have to think about that. 

JACE: I guess Ill have some time to do that... 

JACE: Oh. I should mention, Im going away for a little while.

KOUGAH: ...0h? 

KOUGAH: May 1 ask where? =Looks back to Jace=

JACE: -nods- Sure. Um... Im going to study some temples on LOFAF. 

JACE: Do you know of it?

KOUGAH: N0. 1'm unfam1l1ar w1th 1t. 

KOUGAH: But 1 can read up 0n 1t.

JACE: -brightens up a little, taking this as an opportunity to explain the culture of the place.- Its a small consort planet... Its mainly seen as a pit stop on the way to bigger planets like Earth or Lauctis, but there are some tourist traps there as well... LOFAF as the abbrevation for the colloquial name Land of Frost and Frogs... Um, the technical, documented name escapes me... 

JACE: But anyway, it snows there almost all year long. So there are ski resorts and stuff. Theres a dormant volcano there though... And during the warmer months, when the snow melts, its easier to access these temples around that area. Theyre shrines dedicated to a legendary beast named Echidna. Shes supposed to be uh-- 

JACE: -stops suddenly and looks embarrassed about his rambling. he almost forgot he's supposed to be UPSET with him still.- Well... You can probably read about that yourself.

KOUGAH: =As Jace spoke and explained things Kougah watches with the same stern expression but his eye light a little= 

KOUGAH: 1 w1ll d0 that. 

KOUGAH: M0st def1n1tely.

JACE: Okay. 

JACE: ... Yeah. Okay. Um. Im just going to... Go back to work now. I should hurry and finish my shift anyway because I have plans tonight too. 

JACE: Kind of like a date thing. 

JACE: Or something. -why did he say that... he knows why... he wants to see his reaction... that's so shitty. or is it? he really can't tell in this situation.-

KOUGAH: =HE IS STONE. But the light does fade back to normal and he nods. He's not allowed to react it's not like he's even on the same tier as Jace though= 

KOUGAH: 1 h0pe that g0es well. Y0u deserve t0 have a g00d t1me. 

KOUGAH: Have a safe tr1p, Jace. =Disappears on a small tornado... only that's just him running back into the treeline and disappearing=

JACE: -HHHH. not much of a reaction... what was he even fishing for? STUPID STUPID DUMB!! he watches him disappear before heaving a sigh and making his way back towards his route.-