#i do appreciate the humor and then i went exclusively sad

[latibvles]

RONALD SPEIRS HEADCANONS

there is now the running gag that I’m the Speirs encyclopedia so who am I if not a person who takes things and runs with them. Anyways here’s a bunch of headcanons I have about Speirs that are like 99% of the time present in my writing under the cut. I may do this for the other BoB boys but I gotta get my main squeeze first and foremost, he’s got the priority pass.

You can usually tell where you stand with Speirs. If he doesn’t like you, it’s clear, and the same can be said of if he likes you but … another pretty good indicator is what he lets you call him. “Speirs” is pretty standard, professional, etc. “Ron” tends to be reserved for his friends and those he considers close to him (not many people fall here). Ronnie is exclusively for those in his family/are like family. His partner could also get away with this, after a certain amount of time. The only people calling him Ronald are Martha and Robert Speirs themselves.

Speaking of parents : Ron is a quiet and content momma’s boy. He was the youngest, so he was especially doted on as a child. His father was… a Man with Expectations, given all he sacrificed to get his kids to America. They don’t have a bad relationship. Ron was still crying for mother first when he scraped his knee.

Out of his sisters, he’s closest to Elsie, who was closest to him in age. He went to Mary for advice more often. He liked to copy his brother a lot, especially as a young child. Monkey see, monkey do.

He’s a lot more tactile than people give him credit for — reality is that no one who doesn’t know him well is asking him for a hug. But Ron prefers touch to convey what words can’t. Even being as direct as he is can have it’s limitations.

He’s a good liar, but isn’t partial to lying, at least not outright, to people he cares about. Given the questions he’s usually asked, lying almost feels like pandering, which he also isn’t especially fond of.

Ron’s sense of humor can best be described as smug. It’s dry, sarcastic, he gets a kick out of flustering people in one way or another without really having to do much — he can thank his reputation for that. He finds a sense of amusement in watching the people around him squirm, sometimes.

He has an ego and he can be especially spiteful when crossed by people he doesn’t like. Ron believes in the military hierarchy but only to the extent of respecting his superiors and doing his duties as a soldier and officer. If you try to pull your rank on him for something stupid, he’s going to get even.

He isn’t emotionally unaware, he just tends to keep a lid on things. Some aspects are easier to mitigate than others. He has a hair-trigger temper at times, but he can keep a lid on his sadness (something he gets from his father). He can tell if you’re flirting with him. Doesn’t mean he’s going to acknowledge it if he doesn’t want to.

He’s an acts of service person as well. He likes doing things for the people he cares about — whether that’s bringing them something or handling a problem they’re having trouble tackling. He’s a problem-solver. He doesn’t mind doing that for people he cares about and he doesn’t make much of a big deal about it.

As you can probably expect, he shows off through actions rather than words. He won’t brag about his achievements, he’s just going to show why he got them, which is considerably more embarrassing for whoever is trying to one-up him.

It’s not that… Ron dislikes reading, per se, but his line of work and all that he does really does require a lot of critical thinking and analysis and he has a really hard time shutting that part of his brain off to find it especially relaxing. His brain gets so cluttered that he will, ironically, completely miss the point of what he just read.

All this to say that Ron is great with numbers, unsurprisingly, and he can appreciate a good balanced spreadsheet.

He prefers playing sports, walking, running, in order to unwind because of this. Especially running, because it’s easy to shut his brain off and just move.

He’s also particularly good at housekeeping. In his teens he helped out his parents a lot — and he likes to be the best at things. Laundry, dishes, dusting, lawn upkeep — he’s good at all of it.

However, do not leave him alone with a stove if you aren’t going to give him step-by-step instructions on exactly what to do. Ron in University was almost notorious for his slightly-burnt eggs, but he will never admit to being subpar in the kitchen to anyone but his partner.

Ron is by no means a Shakespearean poet when it comes to compliments or any other romantic gesture. But he’s very direct about what he wants and what he thinks and that’s what’s so flustering about him. He has an unwavering confidence about the whole thing — when he does speak, that is, because Ron really isn’t the guy running around looking for a date on pass.

^ And either to his partner’s detriment or enjoyment, he really is not above making a sex joke every now and again. Remember what I said about smug humor? No one is spared.

He’s a dog person. He never had one growing up but he did want one. He likes walking his dogs as a pastime. Have you ever heard Ron babytalk? Catch him when he comes home from work to his dogs and you will.

[quite-actually-a-nacho]

I’ve watched the new Smurfs show based off The Lost Village movie with my little brother and even tho I think the art style is really cute, I always feel dissatisfied with the endings to episodes I’ve seen

certain issues or plot points are introduced at the beginning and are not handled very well, by that I mean not in a logical or satisfying way.

like this one episode where Clumsy and Dimwitty mess things up in the village while trying to be helpful and everyone is mad at them and they feel useless. so they decide they want to take on stuff that will prove to everyone that they’re useful. so Clumsy and Dimwitty are hired by Papa Smurf to babysit Baby Smurf, and the rest of the episode focuses entirely on hijinks of losing Baby and having to rescue him from constant danger.

by the end, the original plot point of “show the village we can be useful” (and maybe even a potential nice lesson of “you guys aren’t perfect but we still appreciate you for trying to help so much” or something) is completely neglected & left unaddressed. the rest of the village & the issue were never brought up again. it’s true that Clumsy and Dimwitty sort of end up proving themselves capable of babysitting Baby and bring him back to Papa Smurf unharmed — but their efforts are never shown to or recognized by the rest of the village, it was just some side quest to do for Papa Smurf. it was kind of completely pointless, because they never really solved what they were initially sad about. it went from “let’s show everyone we can be useful” to “this is now a comedic plot exclusively about babysitting Baby Smurf”. y’know what I mean?

I never got around to watching the movie so idk if this is just the style of humor and problem-solving but I just feel like there could be something better to get out of this 😫

[mrs-gucci]

Wedding Bells [REPOST] {Maurizio Gucci x Reader}

author’s notes: hellooo! I originally wrote this story as an ‘x OC’ because that’s what I was writing at the time, but I decided to change it into an ‘x Reader’ story since that’s what more people like to read!

**I used a translation application for the Italian in this story. apologies if there are any typos and/or incorrect sentences/grammar. Italian sentences/words are in italics throughout the story with translations after the sentences in parenthesis.

**This is MY OWN INTERPRETATION of Maurizio Gucci’s character, as portrayed by Adam Driver in the upcoming film, House Of Gucci.

warnings: smut. fluff. maurizio calling reader “tesoro”™️. some wedding shit. light aftercare. grinding. creampie. implied consent. dirty talk, name-calling/degradation but in italian ;)

(possible) tw’s: infidelity/extramarital affair. brief mentions of tobacco use. implied age gap (reader is over 21, no more than 10 years difference).

SMUT under the CUT!

“Tesoro” means “Treasure” in Italian (an affectionate nickname)

You can’t believe this is really happening.

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. You’re supposed to be the one in the white gown, the one set to marry Maurizio Gucci. 

He insists that this overzealous ceremony is just for the press, that he’s not truly in love with her, but sometimes you see him looking at her and you lose faith. 

You almost didn’t come today. You almost just stayed at the house and pretended that this never happened, but you know that even if this marriage is a sham, it’s still a big day for Maurizio. 

And I can’t say no to him.

The crowd cheers as they kiss up at the altar, turning to face everyone in the church with big smiles on their faces. You clap softly, forcing a smile upon your face as they walk down the aisle together. 

He looks so handsome in his suit, the striped pants and impeccably polished black leather loafers completing the look. Maurizio was always dressed to the nines, but today, he was dressed to the tens. 

His eyes meet yours, and his face falls for a moment when he reads the underlying sadness etched in your outwardly happy expression. 

Everyone starts piling out of the church and you go along with them, hopping into one of the cars to take everyone to the headquarters for the reception. 

The car pulls up to the building a few minutes later, and you walk in, taking a deep breath. 

You should just go home, Y/N. You went to the reception, and that’s enough.

You look around at the decorated walls, all the guests mingling happily, all here in support of Maurizio and Patrizia. 

You’re here too, sure, but you feel oddly out of place standing amongst the other guests.

Perhaps it’s because you’re the only non-native guest here. Perhaps it’s because you’re not here in support of the couple. 

You find my place at one of the front tables and of course, you’re sat facing Maurizio, practically head-on. Great.

The meal is served and the room goes essentially silent as everyone begins dining. You make some casual conversation with the people sitting around you, some of them your coworkers, but you can’t stop myself from looking over at the groom from time to time. 

As night runs into early morning, you’ve found some solace in the champagne and the company of Giovanni, someone you’ve come to really like spending time with. You both have a lot in common and you get on great; you’re always joking around the office. 

Each time you begin talking with Giovanni, however, you feel a particular set of eyes on you. And, when you look over, you’re met with the deep brown eyes of your lover. 

You show him no reaction, simply smiling sweetly each time your eyes meet, as if you were simply boss and employee. 

Soon, you feel utterly suffocated by the thick air of the room, so you decide to step outside for a short while. You hope to slip out unnoticed, and you do for a little bit, but then someone comes out behind you. 

You don’t even need to turn around to see who it is, and the familiar sound of a lighter gives all the confirmation you needed.

Maurizio walks out and leans over the balcony, a thin cloud of smoke passing through his lips as he looks out onto the horizon. 

“I…”

He begins, trailing off. 

“Have you gotten a slice of cake yet? It’s quite good.”

You huff with a drop of humor.

“No, but maybe I’ll do that now, since this balcony is no longer exclusive to just me.”

As you turn around and begin to walk towards the door, his hand snatches your wrist and pulls you back. Your body collides with his, your back pressed against his front. 

You can feel his smoky breath against your ear, and your skin erupts in goosebumps. 

“Please, stay. I want to speak with you.”

There’s a brief moment where you truly believe that you’re going to say no this time, that you’re going to walk away.

But I can’t say no to him.

He feels you relax and lets go of your wrist, allowing you to return to the railing. He stands behind you, taking another drag. 

“I guess I should begin by apologizing, for you having to sit through the ceremony.”

You take a sip of champagne. 

“As far as anyone else is concerned, I’m simply your assistant.”

“Yes, but I know that you’re more, much more, than that. I can’t imagine that sitting there the whole time was easy. But, I want you to know that I appreciate you coming, it would’ve been weird not seeing you today.”

You look over your shoulder, up at him.

“You know I’ll always be here for you, Maurizio.”

He smiles down at you. “I promise that it won’t always be like this for us, tesoro. Things will change, and we will be able to show our love to the world.”

His hand runs down your arm gently, then falls to your hip, where he squeezes lightly. 

“You look so beautiful tonight. I wish I could kiss you, touch you, worship you like you deserve.”

You blush, stepping back a bit, now fully pressed up against him. His breath catches in his throat as his hand comes forward and trails up, fingers teasing just below your breasts. 

He leans forward, lips leaving a series of open-mouthed kisses on your neck.

“It’s been nearly impossible to stay away from you, mi tesoro. I just want to have you right here, right now…”

A whimper escapes your lips as his trail down to your shoulder. 

“Potrei alzare il vestito e fotterti, climelo.” (I could just pull your dress up and fuck you, christ.)

He breathes, grinding his hips against you, growling lowly in your ear. 

“Piegati sulla ringhiera, ti fa urlare il mio nome…” (Bend you over the railing, make you scream my name…)

You’re breathless as you try to resist the urge to let him take you right here. 

But, you know you can’t, it’s way too risky. Someone’s bound to notice.

“Maurizio…”

You whisper. 

“We can’t, not here.”

Something seems to switch in his brain and he freezes suddenly, almost as if he’s been snapped back into reality. He stands up straight again, breath shaky as he takes a final drag of his cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray. 

“I’m sorry, I got carried away.”

He groans in frustration, running a hand through his hair. 

You turn around, resting your hands on his chest, staring up into his eyes. 

“It’s okay.”

“I need to have you tonight, tesoro, please.”

Maurizio says, resting his forehead on yours, lips mouthing at yours. 

You sigh.

“How? There are people everywhere, it’s too risky.”

A smirk suddenly stretches across his face.

“No one will be in my office bathroom…”

You bite your lip, holding back a smile. 

“Shall we meet in there?”

“I’ll have to sit with Patrizia for a little while, talk to some people, just to keep up appearances.”

He says, nodding. 

“But, how about we meet there in...let’s say an hour?”

“Saro li l’accordo.” (I’ll be there.)

You say, smiling up at him. 

He returns the expression. 

“Allora ci vediamo.” (See you then.)

One Excruciatingly Long Hour Later

You quietly step into Maurizio’s office, gasping when a pair of arms wraps around your waist, pulling you into the office. You look up and see him, immediately jumping into his arms, crashing your lips together. 

He carries you into the hidden bathroom, closing the door quickly behind him. His gaze is hungry as his darkened eyes rake up and down your dress-clad figure. 

“Bend over.”

He growls, head nodding towards the marble vanity. 

You bend yourself over, resting on your elbows. There isn’t much time before someone notices Maurizio’s missing, and you can tell he knows this as well, a sense of urgency in his fingers as he undoes his belt and pants.

You look at his reflection in the mirror, the sight of him in his wedding suit incredibly arousing, a certain sense of promiscuity surrounding us. Even more so than usual.

Maurizio quickly bends down and pulls the dress up over your hips, moving your panties to the side before rubbing his tip through your wetness. 

“We’ll have to be quick.”

He says, looking at you through the mirror’s reflection.

You nod, and he lines himself up with your entrance, chin resting on your shoulder as he pushes in, sighing loudly. 

Your eyes roll into the back of your head, his cock stretching you out deliciously. You whimper as he pulls back and thrusts back in, your body jolting with his forward motion. 

“Tesoro.”

He moans into your ear, picking up the rhythm of his hips. 

“You’re so pretty.”

“O-Oh, Maurizio.”

You whimper, walls clenching around him.

One of his hands comes up from your hip and wraps around your throat, fingers shaking your jaw slightly. 

“Guardati, tesoro, guardati ti scopa allo specchio.”  (Look at you, treasure, watch yourself get fucked in the mirror.)

Your eyes go wide when you look at the reflection, seeing Maurizio positioned behind you, hips jackhammering into you. His glasses are steaming up slightly and his brow is furrowed, a sheen of sweat glistening on his forehead.

Our eyes meet in the mirror and we moan together, the sight so erotic. 

“Per favore, fottimi di piu!” (Please, fuck me harder!)

You say, pushing your hips back against him. 

“Sono cosi vicino!” (I’m so close!)

A low growl rumbles through his chest and his back arches as he pounds you harder, turning his head so that his lips are right at your ear, breathing heavy.

“Si, tu sborra per me? Vuoi guardarti su tutto il mio uccello?”  (Yeah, are you going to cum for me? Are you going to watch yourself cum all over my cock?)

You bite down hard on your lip, trying to hold back the loud noises threatening to spill from your lips. 

“M-Muh...M-Maurizio!”

You cry out, hips jerking as you spill your release all over his cock.

“Ah, oh fuck!”

He’s close, too, now.

“Sto per sborra! Oh Dio, ti riempiro io!” (I’m going to cum! Oh God, I’m going to fill you up!)

“Fallo, ti prego! Lo voglio tantissimo!” (Do it, please! I want it so badly!)

His eyes go wide for a moment as his hips stop, pressed deeply inside of you. He cums with a long, low moan, hips rutting as he rides out his high. 

“Prendila, prendila dentro di te...” (Take it, take it all inside of you…)

You fall forward onto the cool marble, body limp for a minute after your climax. Maurizio stays buried deep inside of you until he regains control of his breath, pulling his now-limp length from you, quickly tucking it back into his wedding pants. 

He helps you pull your dress back down and straighten yourself out. 

You gasp when he spins you around and crashes his lips onto yours, holding you against him. Your lips meld together perfectly, your hands gently tugging on his hair. 

You two pull away moments later, panting softly. 

Maurizio looks sad as he reaches down to hold your hands.

“You’re amazing, beautiful, you’re perfection.”

He kisses your knuckles, which makes you smile. 

“Ci vediamo presto, tesoro mio.” (I will see you soon, my treasure)

You nod, lip quivering slightly when the reality hits. He’ll be gone for two weeks on his honeymoon. 

You reach up and wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him close, allowing a single tear to fall down your cheek. 

“I’ll miss you while you’re away.”

He buries his face into your neck.

“I will call you at some point, I promise.”

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the office door. It’s Giovanni.

“Maurizio, ci sei?” (Maurizio, are you in there?)

His eyes go wide as he pulls away.

“Si! Sarò fuori tra un attimo.” (Yes! I’ll be out in a moment.)

Maurizio looks down at you one last time, tears in his eyes.

“Addio, tesoro mio. Fino a quando ci incontriamo di nuovo.” (Farewell, my treasure. Until we meet again.)

[hopeswriting]

I meant to do a post about my thoughts on the Daily Life Arc now that I finished rereading it, but I can't seem to find the time and it's been a while now, and if I keep it up I'll forget what my thoughts are to begin with lol, so here's the long story short:

I know it's a long arc, as in it starts being boring and more or less unbearable past some point, because the "gag of the chapter" format only takes you so far, and not actually very far if Amano's humor doesn't work on you much, if at all. I don't think it's an arc you can reread right away/soon either, lest you feel that one flaw even faster.

And I felt it too, starting with the fourty-something chapters I felt like it was dragging on too much, though to be fair that probably had to do too with the fact I knew things much more interesting were coming after that.

Still, all that said, like, it's an enjoyable arc. Amano's humor happens to work on me, and she does it really well, and I liked reading the arc. There are some chapters where you're really asking yourself why they were written for lol, but even then you read it for the characters, and it somehow keeps you going.

And like, even though I think Amano could have seen the fact the comedy was going to turn repetitive and thus boring at some point, and try to diversify it or something, it's just how comedy/humor/gags works? Some jokes land and some doesn't, but for me at least a lot more of them worked than not.

The DLA is a good enough arc is what I'm saying.

------

On than note and on the contrary, of course it's fine if you think it's a bad arc, to each their opinion, but personally I really don't agree it's an unnecessary one.

I'm saying this because apparently it's not uncommon to advice new fans to skip the arc and directly start with the Kokuyo one? (Or so I learned on TV Tropes anyway, this might or might not be still relevent/accurate.)

Now don't get me wrong, the DLA does fail to hook the readers to the story for the reasons stated above, I agree with that, but it literally introduces the main character? And all the other characters, and gets us to know them, and establishes the dynamics between them and why they're the way they are, and, though only in a more or less superficial manner (and more than less) by design of the arc's purpose (not being deep in any way lol), it still gives us an insight into the characters and why they're the way they are. A glimpse into the core of their personality, the "stakes" of their characters, the flaws they have to overcome.

And all that in the context of their daily life, so if you skip it to go directly to the arc that challenges them, you can't appreciate fully how they rise to the challenge, how it shows their growth or reasserts their core values. You can't know how much or what it means, for example, off the top of my head, to have Yamamoto sacrifice his arm to beat Ken, when only a year ago he tried to kill himself over his broken arm. Or Hibari losing against Mukuro, thus telling us how much of a real threat he was. Or Tsuna screaming at Lancia for having hurt his friends, anger on his face, clearly despite himself, that Dame-Tsuna.

All these just wouldn't hit you the same, and it'd be such a shame? I mean I guess the ones who start with the Kokuyo arc go back to read the DLA, or you could compromise like the anime did by splitting the DLA between more serious arcs, but like I said I personally don't find the DLA that bad, so I still wouldn't advice it lol.

Even if, I suppose, it'd mean they might give up on the manga somewhere through the DLA, but like? Some mangas just don't speak to you, and that's fine, and it'd be a little of a shame from my POV as a KHR fan, but still, no big deal.

------

I'm still very impressed with how smoothly Amano went from a gag manga to a shonen one, and how she made it so the DLA still fits with the rest. I mean the sudden change in tone/stakes/etc is jarring, sure, but it's all based on stuff she introduced in the DLA, which she presumably came up with with no intention to ever make it something deeper/more meaningful.

It's easy to believe the foreshadowing, and generally speaking the worldbuilding was planned all along, which, again, probably not, and like? Super impressive.

(Though once more don't get me wrong, there are inconsistencies/plot holes in Amano's plotlines and worldbuilding, but not, like, at their seams, if I can say it like that? It's more often in the details, and it's fairly easy to fill in the blanks ourselves.)

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Finally it was a lot of fun to rediscover the characters in a new light, and a bit of a disbelieving surprise tbh.

For context before I started my reread of the manga, all this time I was going with the time I read/watched it years ago plus the times I skimmed it, but mostly by all the fanon I was consuming. And it's not to say fanon is wrong per se, but it latched on one to three character's traits, or slapped an easy character archetype on them easy to "relate" to within, and apparently never looked back lol. And also often dialed up those traits (good or bad) in a very noticeable manner.

What I'm saying is, fanon is, in fact, wrong sometimes zldnslsz, and the characters are much more nuanced even in the DLA! (Which still leaves us at a more or less superficial level, because, you know lol, but still!)

------

To name the ones that stood out to me the most:

Nana isn't abused by Iemitsu, nor is she unhappy in her marriage despite Iemitsu being an absent husband (which is not relevent in the context of the DLA, but still, you can tell). She isn't an abusive mother to Tsuna either, and she is literally never an airhead. She literally just isn't, she actually does react very normally to the crazy Reborn brings with him, but much like Yamamoto as long as no one gets hurt (or walks it off), she just brushes it off.

And she has friends she goes listen to piano recitals with, and tries to save on money by eating rests, and gets in two-way arguments with Tsuna, and raises his allowance if he gets better grades to push him to work harder, and all around is just your average mom that really didn't read as just The Mom, if you know what I mean.

She has her flaws, definitely, she's not a great mom, namely is apparently used to call Tsuna Dame-Tsuna, but she's not just that.

She takes care of him, worries over him, and seems to be the only one who hasn't given up on him yet when the story starts. She supports him (though sometimes in a tactless to hurtful way), praises him when he does well, and trusts him to watch over the kids.

She's not that bad is what I'm saying, and 100% redeemable (that is, if you think she needs to be redeemed to begin with, which I actually do think she does, calling Tsuna Dame of all things is just a really shitty thing to do.)

(Though it's interesting to note that she doesn't do it again after what happened with Kyoko iirc, even if she might very well still talk to him in a belittling way at times. I just wish Amano would have commit fully to acknowledge it and resolve it, what with already having made it Kyoko's Dying Will Regret.)

(Edit: I had forgotten but she literally forgets his birthday while preparing someone else's birthday, so I take back that she is 100% redeemable because it's being too nice. But my point still stands.)

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Haru is literally such a fun character, it makes me even more sad now to know what Amano did with her (nothing ansknslq 😭😂).

She's unhinged, has zero impulse control, does not reflect on the consequences of her lack of impulse control as Tsuna points it out, is ready and willing to throw hands at any given moment and is unapologetic of it, and is the one Amano actually calls an airhead.

The only problem she had with the mafia is that she thought Tsuna was forcing it on Reborn, and when she confirmed it was all true she literally didn't even blink at it, and immediately called herself the future Decimo's wife djosdkkd.

On that note she is literally mafia right from her first appearance, is more or less involved in almost all the mafia shenanigans, was right there with Tsuna & Co when they went to destroy the Tomaso's headquarters.

And like?? Amano could just have left it at that if she wasn't going to do anything else/more with it. Haru had so much potential, and not only Amano did nothing with it, she actually watered her down and took away all her distinct character's traits 😭.

------

Hibari is so much more feral and playful than his fanon cool, overpowered, quiet badass counterpart. Which I love too, don't get me wrong, but these two sides of him don't have to be exclusive!

He talks and smiles and jokes often, and shows off and casually insults you, and licks the blood away from his lips after having beaten bloody other middle schoolers who dared to defy him (I know this happens in the Kokuyo arc, but it illustrates my point the best).

Not much more to add than that, we should just acknowledge that and put it in our works more often.

------

Gokudera is a compelling character from the get go, and as far as the DLA goes, he's the most compelling character second to Tsuna. He's the only one to actually have flashbacks and a backstory. And what stood out to me the most that I don't see often in fanon, is that he's really a good friend.

Yes he has a short fuse and snaps easily and is easy to anger, but he's not always angry. And is seen having and being capable of positive exchanges outside of Tsuna (I'm thinking Yamamoto namely, who's made with Ryohei to be the one he gets angry with the most).

And yes he holds Tsuna on a pedestal and sees him through heavily tinted pink glasses, but even through that he's earnestly a good friend. And tries his best, and is hardworking and overachieving, so much so he messes up without meaning to, but he only ever has honest, straight-forward good intentions behind it all (well, maybe not always lol).

I love him a lot more now is what I'm saying.

------

And Tsuna. I'm not sure I'll be able to articulate my thoughts properly, but like... he's just your average teenager. Which of course is his whole thing, and I'm saying it in a very not judgy way whatsoever, but he's often made to be at least a little more than that, namely about his bullying.

Like, it's kind of dramatised in fics? And I'm not going to elaborate on that more because it might come out wrong and I don't want that, but it's just, like—canonically he is just bullied, simple as that. Like many other teenagers are.

And it's all in a "chill" way (for unfortunate lack of a better word, I don't mean to trivialize bullying at all, it's wrong and unfair and never deserved or okay, just so we're clear), and by the time the story starts Tsuna is used to it and has given up fighting against it, and actually finds refuge and a twisted comfort in embracing his Dame-Tsuna's monicker, because at least he's not gonna hit rock bottom deeper than that if he does.

And I'm not actually going anywhere with this, it's just? It hit me how differently canon and fanon portray his bullying.

Back on the note of him being a (below) average teenager, Tsuna is not an uwu pure cinnamon roll too good for this world.

He's literally so quick to judge and criticise, whether in his head or out loud when he knows more the person (namely Haru lol, poor girl), it was actually a bit of a shock tbh lol. He snaps easily, and is lazy, does not want to try even one bit, and is happy to run away from his responsibilities whenever he can.

And not only I'm not saying that in a judgy way this time either, but I'm actually saying it in a good way. He really felt like your average middle schooler, and it was so refreshing to see. That, plus the fact the narrative never holds it against him, let alone punishes him for it even if he's made to grow out of these traits, and it's literally part of his character arc, is kind of unique for the shonen genre (maybe, I'm not exactly a specialist of shonen mangas lol).

And I can see why you'd want to change it in fics, but personally I think it really makes his character's arc even more meaningful.

[hyucksong]

to all the boys i’ve loved before; huang renjun

Dear Renjun,

   I can’t believe you’re gone already. It’s only been a few months since I’ve known you, yet you’ve already become such a part of my routine. Or, were, at least. It felt so peaceful to be with you, and I loved it. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since I’ve met you that I haven’t seen you.

   I’m grateful for everything. This is probably the most calmly I’ve ever dealt with heartbreak -- or rather, instead of feeling like a heartbreak, this feels like a, “see you soon.” 

   Regardless of our short time together, I’m sure I love you. This isn’t some intense forest fire of love, it’s a quiet appreciation, a quiet affection, it’s sitting in front of couches on the carpeted floor and cuddling while reading, it’s just laying awake next to each other, fingers intertwined. It’s simple. It’s sure. I like it. I was sad to see you get back on that plane to China, but I knew somewhere deep in my heart that it wasn’t a goodbye. 

   Thank you for the goodbye kiss, while we may not be together, I’ll cherish it forever. 

Dear Renjun,

    Out of all my loves I’ve had these past few years, I must say, Huang Renjun, you were the most different. There was no firey chemistry between you and me, there was no life-long friendship, either. There was no drama and no insecure feelings with you. Everything felt natural and tranquil with you --  like our love would last forever. Almost like an elderly couple calmly rocking on their wooden chairs as people pass them by. I didn’t feel the need to prove anything to you. 

   The tranquility was something I really enjoyed coming out of my chaotic high school years, and I’m glad I met you. At first, I was sure you’d be a summer fling, but I quickly realized I was wrong. I don’t remember when I realized I loved you, but I know that it felt really natural when I said it quietly to myself. I can’t pinpoint what made me fall for you either, there are a plethora of options.

   Maybe it’s your bursts of energy, your argumentativeness, your dry humor and wit, your gentle smile and touch, the way you looked when you focused on a sketch or book -- the list is endless. But the trait that stood out the most was how you anchored me on days I was still hurting (from Mark, but you never asked who I was crying over or why. You just held me.) I’d never met someone like you. Someone who...loved me so unconditionally without saying the words. Our love may have been the most strange to onlookers; our kisses with no labels, our random inside jokes, our spending every day with each other. It was all strange. But I enjoyed every goddamn second of it.

   Then you got an emergency call home. And while you never told me what it was about, I could tell it was bad. Your face had never looked so solemn and dejected. I remember just rubbing your shoulder and whispering that you should go home because your family needed you. And I remembered you kissed me again, then.

   There were no extreme acts of love or affection, no shows, and no attempts to dig into my past. This love was present. you were in love with the present-me and saw no point in snooping about my past -- you figured I’d tell you one day when I was ready. Thank you. Maybe next time we meet, I’ll tell you everything. 

   Until then, please keep being that anchor to someone, even if it’s not me. But please, let someone anchor you, too. You deserve to float peacefully at sea, no storms on your horizon. 

Love, Y/n.

///a scene from the heart///

   Renjun sat next to you, his finger pinching his bottom lip unknowingly as his eyes trained on the words on the beige paper. You offered him the couch for his first visit to your humble home, but he insisted on sitting on the carpet, back pressed to the front of your couch. You’re a kind hostess, so you sat down next to him, your own book in your warm hands, not forgetting to turn on wordless music.

   Renjun was a simple boy; he was easy to read and open. His anger was upfront and honest, straightforward. His humor was dry and sarcastic, nihilistic even. His love was obvious, longing stares and gentle brushes of his hand against yours.

   Which was what he was doing right now.

   His hand right hand was laying flat on the fuzzy white rug, his pinky interlaced with your own. Your heart felt calm and steady, but full of happiness and serenity. A smile bloomed on your face, your eyes not really picking up the words on the page.

   “What’s up?” He whispers, leaning into you, looking down at your page, wondering what could’ve caused such a beautiful smile to erupt from your pretty lips. More of his fingers touched yours. Maybe it was all the heartbreak you had been through, maybe it was recklessness, but you confidently grabbed his hand, tangling your fingers together. You scooted closer to him, filling the space your barely-touching hands were taking up once before. “Hmmm, nothing.” Your voice was soft and dreamy, Renjun mused, his eyes turning into crescent moons. 

   Renjun let himself indulge in your aura and side profile, admiring the shape of your nose and the way your lips lulled open when you were too focused on reading. The music only made him happier. “What’s up with you?” You teased, giving him a side-glance before turning your head fully to him, not minding the close proximity and the clash of your loving gazes. 

   His gray sweat-clad knee was touching your bare one, your hands joined together in his lap, a book in his opposite hand. This was the routine for the past few months, and he wouldn’t ever want anything else. Renjun noticed how his eyes kept on falling back to your mouth and your small red tongue that periodically darted out past your plush and bitten lips. “I just really want to kiss you,” he sighed out, not thinking twice about his amorous language. 

   Red and shock crept across your cheeks and ears and you let out a small squeak, covering your mouth out of embarrassment from the strange sound. His hand was still in yours though, so really he just had easier access to take his hand out of yours and pull you closer to him. And he did.

   A light chuckle left his throat and he leaned in, his eyes staying open until he felt the cloud-like plush lips touch his; melting together like alloy. Sighs of content left your mouth repeatedly as your book went abandoned on the side of you, page unbookmarked, words not remembered. All you cared for was the way Renjun’s hands found their way to your waist and you found your hands tangled in his black-brown hair, legs straddling him and tongue tangling with his much like your hands did earlier. 

   Renjun was quiet ecstasy; Renjun was a warm summer love that lasted forever; Renjun was too good to be true. 

///a scene from a broken heart///

   Three months passed fast. Too fast for your taste, but you didn’t really mind at first, because you figured that three months was nothing compared to the indefinite amount of time you’d eventually spend with Renjun. But the red string of fate that was tied ever so loosely to his pinky was still tied to his home, China. 

   Renjun was supposed to stay in Korea until he wanted to leave, but a call from a disheartened mother and father caused him to cancel his plans. Normally, if this was Renjun three months ago, he wouldn’t have minded. Because he missed home. But present-day Renjun wasn’t; he had found his home within you. But blood was thicker than saliva, so he bought the expensive tickets begrudgingly. 

   You both were sitting in the front of the airport, two hours early, his suitcases resting by his feet, your heart resting in your stomach. You wanted to see him off and insisted as such despite his weary looks. “I don’t want to see you cry. It’ll be harder for me to leave you,” he whispered, hand stroking your cheek. “I love you Renjun, and I want to see you go.” He had complied after your passionate words. 

   “I don’t want to leave.” A tear escaped Renjun’s stable emotional facade, and you gave him a sad smile, brushing the falling tear off his soft cheeks. “I know. I wish you wouldn’t either, but,” you moved the hair out his face, hand brushing through his locks with a loving touch, “I know we’ll be okay.”

   “How do you know that?” He sniffed, rubbing his red nose. You opened your mouth before noticing the time; it was time for him to get checked into the airport. You stood up, wiping your clammy hands on your denim jeans. “I don’t,” you admitted, “but I’d like to think the feeling we have for each other isn’t something you can just get rid of.” A sincere smile caused his ears to flush. 

   “You’re right.” 

   “I know.” Cue his first giggles since you picked him up earlier that day. While there was no label put on your relationship, there was a mutual feeling of exclusivity, one that you maintained throughout your time of knowing him. But you both had to face the truth -- distance was the devil. There was no true certainty of love lasting thousands of miles. 

   That’s why Renjun cried in front of you, tears flooding his face, then yours. That’s why Renjun pulled you into the tightest hug you’d ever felt. That’s why Renjun cupped your swollen face and pressed his lips to yours, eyes closed and eyebrows drawn together as if he was trying his hardest to encapsulate this memory, this feeling, and to remember -- that this wasn’t an obligation or an intense, “I love you,” but rather a delicate and hopeful “see you soon.”  

   He boarded the plane, silent and with a surprisingly light heart. He, truthfully, wasn’t sure he was ever going to see you again. But as he took off, he swore with his entire being that he saw your little dot with his jacket in your arms, waving at him. He could basically see the smile on your face without actually seeing so. He had a feeling then, that you’d cross paths in your future. And who knows, maybe it’d be for forever that time. 

///

masterlist

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Truth To Be Told [Ashton One Shot]

Warnings: slight cursing

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Reader

A/N: this was supposed to be Anne’s @bringmethehorizonandpizza​ birthday present, but i’m the most awful friend, so i’ve finished it only now, hope Anne doesn’t hate me as much as i deserve to be hatedfor that  🙈 i also hope you’ll enjoy this cliche bff to lovers story. My prompt was “I wanna eat you up like a candy” 😈 Feedback is extremelly appreciated, as always! Happy reading!

You were rushing through the rain in the busy downtown, being awfully late to your date. You looked at your watch and cursed under you breath. You just couldn’t get how it all happened.

And what happened was you simply forgetting about the date in the first place. Unbelievable, but you did. It wasn’t like you didn’t like the guy, completely opposite for that matter. You and Nate had been seeing each other for almost three months now and everything was going great. He was smart, but not a snob, had nice sense of humor, normal job and usual interests. He was absolutely normal and you often thought you liked that most about him. And it definitely wasn’t like you didn’t wanna go on this date. Nate booked a table in that Greek restaurant you wanted to visit and you anticipated that evening. You just… forgot. 

It happens, right? Sometimes people forget things and there is nothing criminal in that. To be honest, it wasn’t even your fault. You had woken up with mild headache that morning and it really distracted you. You also had a really tough time at work, and by the time you actually realised it wasn’t just Friday but also that Friday, the Friday you had a date, you were already late. And yes, you felt awful. Because you liked Nate. You liked him enough to really wish for things to work between the two of you. So you were almost running. Cause you cared. You really did.

The restaurant was full, which didn’t surprise you as it was Friday night, but the waiter didn’t make you wait any extra minute. Nate smiled when he saw you and you felt the anxiety knot in your belly weaken. He wasn’t angry, he understood. He kissed you and helped with your chair and joked how he had some extra time to choose wine, so it was even better that you came late. He was a perfect gentleman, you wondered how you could even wish for anything more. And even though the annoying voice in the back of your head was nagging you about that ‘more’ you were wishing for, providing you with images and memories, you pushed it all back and focused on Nate. You didn’t quite know what was about to happen, but you had the feeling that tonight was somehow important for your boyfriend. 

The waiter brought you wine and you felt that was the moment. Nate coughed and fixed his watch, he was always doing it if being nervous. You tried to guess what it was he was about to say. You’ve met his friends already, but it was too early to meet his family yet. You never had the exclusivity talk, but from the beginning of your relationship you both understood it was implied. Was he about to hand you the key to his apartment? Or was it also too soon? Or maybe he wanted to suggest going on holiday together? You felt your insides tremble in anticipation.

Nate cleared his throat again and started, “Y/n, you look wonderful today.” You smiled. He lied. You looked usual, but you were thankful to him for this little lie.

“And you always look wonderful, I have no idea, how you manage to do that, but you do. And I just wanted to take this opportunity to express my feelings to you,” he took a pause and you felt ice cover your still slightly trembling insides. Good God, was he about to say the L word? But you sure as hell wasn’t ready for the L word, no no no, how could you stop this? “You’re beautiful, and incredibly funny, and you’re smart, and kind, and caring. Honestly, you’re picture perfect. And I’m even not going to say how you’re the most sensible woman I’ve met in my entire life,” he paused again. You were just looking at him, feeling flattered and scared at the same time. And then he said it. “And all of that only leaves me utterly surprised why we don’t work.”

You felt the air leave your lungs. You even thought about asking him to repeat, but there was no need, as he continued. “I mean, please, tell me if I’m mistaking, but there’s just no spark between the two of us, is there?”

You looked away from him, moving your sight to your slightly shaking hand on the table. He covered your hand with his and, suddenly, you calmed down. You looked back at Nate and shook your head. 

“No, there is no spark,” you admitted with a smile. “We’re more like a quiet couple with 15 years of marriage experience.”

Nate giggled. You liked his giggles, the sound fresh and light. But not as wonderful as your favourite giggles.

“This is unbelievably cruel,” he said. “I mean, we should be perfect together! We fit wonderfully and you’re gorgeous! What’s wrong with us?”

You shrugged, sipping on your wine. “No idea, Nate. To be honest, I haven’t felt so comfortable with a guy for a long time. So I’m just as confused as you are. And a little disappointed,” you admitted to your wine glass.

“Hey, don’t be, please,” he asked you, squeezing your hand. “If you think we need more time-”

“No, Nate, you’re right. I don’t think time will help here,” you forced yourself to smile again. Nate didn’t deserve your sad face, it wasn’t his fault after all. “What are we gonna do now?”

Nate laughed. “To be honest, I have no idea. That’s like, the most civilized break up in my life. Usually it’s scandals and tears and friends picking up your stuff from your ex.”

You laughed too, it was sincere this time, cause you knew that pattern just as well. 

“What people do when they just stop dating without all the drama?” he asked. 

“Well, I still have your sweater,” you reminded. “And you have my book.”

“Which I hope to finish by the next weekend.”

“So,” you started timidly, “maybe I could step by around the weekend and exchange your sweater for my book?”

“And we could then go and drink some coffee,” Nate nodded in agreement. He probably saw the slight hesitation in your eyes, as he added, “Don’t get me wrong, I just don’t wanna lose you completely. As I said, you’re one of the best people I know. Do you think we could still be friends?”

Of course, you could be friends. Obviously, you were a wonderful friend. And never a girlfriend. But, Nate didn’t need to hear that from you. So you agreed and smiled and you just spent a great evening enjoying the food and chatting about everything and nothing at the same time. When the night was over and Nate was paying the check (he insisted on doing it himself, as, technically, you were still dating while ordering) you thought, that the dinner went just as smooth and enjoyable, as you could expect. Only you weren’t a couple anymore. But it didn’t change anything, nor in the mood, neither in your feelings. And if what Nate said didn’t persuade you that breaking up was the best decision, that indifference you had now inside finally did. 

Nate waited for your uber with you. He hugged you and wished you good night and promised to text next week. And just like that another unremarkable relationship in your life has ended. 

***

Ashton started talking before he came up to their place at the counter.

“I do think we need to add more guitars to that song.”

Calum rolled his eyes. This conversation had been going all day long. And even now, late in the evening in a bar, where they decided to spend the night just to relax a little, Ashton couldn't let it go.

“You know what? You’ll tell that Mike and Luke on Monday. And now you’ll finish your drink and we’ll go home.”

“If you disagree, mate, you should just say so,” Ashton frowned. “No need to be passive aggressive.”

Calum chuckled, taking a look around the bar. He had no agenda, they weren’t expecting any friends, he just took a meaningless look around. And he wished he didn’t.

“Hey, Ash, isn’t it-” Calum started, but just as abruptly stopped. What reaction would Ash have? Calum knew about his feelings and wasn’t sure if it was so smart of him to show this to Ashton.

“What?” Ash looked at him quizzically. 

“Nothing,” Calum shook his head and downed his drink. “You ready to go?”

Ashton chuckled nervously and looked at his best mate. “No, I’m not ready. And what did you want to say?”

“Nothing. Just thought I saw a familiar face, but obviously I’ve mistaken.”

But that was enough for Ashton to start looking around.

“You haven’t,” he informed Calum, his voice dropped. He turned back and looked into his glass.”

“So it is Y/N’s boyfriend?” Calum stated, confirming his earlier suspicions. They both looked on their right to the further part of the bar, where the guy they’ve met only several weeks ago as Y/N’s new love interest, was sucking on some girl’s face who was definitely not Y/N.

Ashton nodded and finished his whiskey. 

“Come on, man, we should go,” Calum tried and patted his friends shoulder. But Ashton changed plans already. He beckoned the bartender and ordered one more round for him and Calum. 

“Ash, don’t think it’s a good idea,” Calum frowned. “We better go, mate.”

“Hey, we’re just spending an evening. Promise, I won’t do anything, just let’s stay for a while.”

Calum sighed and let his friend pay for his drink. He knew it was a bad idea. But he also knew he’d rather die than leave his friend in a state like that. They were stuck together even through the worst ideas ever. So he stayed. But no matter how hard he tried to discuss new songs or studio work or his sister’s life (for the lack of topics), Ashton kept staring at Y/N’s boyfriend.

“I mean, how does she manage to do that?” Ashton finally muttered halfway through his glass. 

“What?” Calum scrunched his face, looking away from his instagram feed.

“How does she manage to always choose such losers?” Aston turned to his friend. His gaze was already a little fogged by the alcohol.

“He didn’t seem a loser when we met him,” Calum shrugged. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel bad for Y/N, he just learnt long ago not to get into other people’s relationships. But Ashton was different, of course. They were much closer friends with Y/N and there were some other, well, pretty obvious reasons.

“He’s dating one of the most wonderful girls in the world,” Ashton started, looking at his friend like he was a complete idiot, “but instead of being with her and loving her, like she deserves, he’s in a bar cheating on her.”

“You don’t know everything, Ash,” Calum shook his head, while trying his hardest not to get into this argument. And pretty much failing.

“Like what? You think she deserves that?”

“Jesus, Ash, of course no!” Calum huffed in his glass. “No one deserves this. I just-” he threw another glance at the guy. “Maybe he has a twin brother.”

Ashton laughed, loudly and quite sad. He looked at Y/N’s guy again and his face fell.

“How am I gonna tell her that?” he asked.

Calum looked at his friend, thinking of a better answer. “You can keep it to yourself,” he finally said what he really believed in. Calum knew Ash would never agree on that, but honesty was one of the main principles of their friendship, and Cal wasn’t ready to break it, even for the sake of a girl his brother was in love with. 

Ashton gave him a long heavy stare. “Are you even serious right now?” “Dude, not all the people wanna hear such things, you know,” Calum tried to explain. “Have you had a talk with her about that? Are you sure she would like to know and to know from you? You won’t believe how many people would choose to live in ignorance.”

“No, you don’t know what you’re talking about, mate,” Ashton was fast to dismiss all his arguments. “I know her, okay? I know Y/N, she would like to know. I just need to figure out how to break it on her,” he sighed. Then he downed his whiskey and ordered one more.

“Hey, buddy, that’s not the best idea,” Calum tried to stop him, but it seemed like Ashton didn’t even hear him.

“I just don’t get it,” the drummer huffed and went on drinking. “She’s smart and funny and it’s so easy to talk to her. I can literally talk to her about everything. And she’s the kindest person ever, so supportive and thoughtful. How can they keep doing this to her?”

Calum sighed. He knew for sure what was gonna happen next. “She’s your friend, Ash, obviously for you she’s one of the best-”

“No, you don’t get it. She’s not one of the best. She is the best,” he stated passionately. “She’s the most beautiful woman in the whole world. And, god, I shouldn’t think this way about her, but she’s so sexy, Cal! It’s like-” he took another gulp of his drink. “It’s the hardest part of being her friend. She’s unbelievably hot. And he can have her, but chooses to have that,” he motioned to Y/N’s boyfriend. “Seriously, man, what’s your problem?” he exclaimed loudly enough. 

“Okay, buddy, let’s keep it low, shall we?” Calum cooed, patting his shoulder and turning him back to the bar counter. “We don’t need a scene.”

“I’m alright, I just-” Ashton stumbled.

“You just what, buddy?”

Ashton sighed and looked at his best friend, his eyes full of sorrow. “I just love her so much, Cal, how can I break her heart like that?”

Calum smile softly and answered, “Here’s a revolutionary idea, Ash. How about telling her all that?”

“Of course, I’m gonna tell her, did you even listen to me?” Ash rolled his eyes.

“No no no, not about her douchebag of a boyfriend,” Calum shook his head, smile still on his face. “About how you love her. And all the things you’ve said about her, how she’s the best, you know?”

Ashton sent his way another heavy look and indulged in his drink. 

“You know I can’t do that,” he mumbled couple minutes later. “She deserves someone better than me.”

***

You were sitting on your couch with a glass of wine in the shittiest mood ever. 

And what was not to be angry and upset about. You’d just been dumped after all. You huffed in your wine glass, recollecting on your most civilized break up. The worst thing was that you couldn’t even blame Nate. No, he didn’t do anything wrong. The only fault he had was not being the man you truly wanted to be with. 

You rolled eyes on yourself. How pathetic you were in this longing after your own friend. Each time you were starting a new relationship, you did everything to finish them as soon as possible. Of course, not intentionally. You truly wanted to be with someone, to love someone who could love you back. But each time you were too restrained, too closed off. And naturally your partners felt it. No matter how much you wanted your relationship to work, you just couldn’t devote to them fully. Cause deep down inside, in your subconscious, hidden from the light, there was a question. The question you’ve kept asking those long sleepless nights. If you ever had a chance with Ashton, how would it be? Would it be different? Would you feel different? Would he make you feel like you, real you, and not like you were playing a role you’d never bothered to learn properly? Whatever the answer was, one thing you always knew. If Ashton showed up on your threshold asking for a chance with him, you’d break any relationship in an instance. 

So every your breakup was your doing. It was your fault. And what was even worse, you wasted your partner’s time shamelessly. You wasted Nate’s time. And Nate didn’t deserve that. He was kind and caring. And he was always honest with you. You treated him ill, you knew it. 

You poured yourself more wine. Maybe you should have stopped dating for some time? At least till you could look at Ashton without lusting after him. You emotional status wasn’t healthy, obviously, so it was better to wait till Ash would be out of your system. You just needed a break. Just for now. 

Harsh knock on your front door startled you. You looked at the door, not fully getting what you had to do. But when the knock repeated, followed by muffled “Oh, fuck, don’t tell me you’re not home!”, you realized you had to open. 

“You’re home, great,” Ashton mumbled, basically falling into your apartment, as you opened the door for him. 

You fixed the bathrobe you were in and looked at the drummer, who managed to stumble twice on the way to your couch. 

“Are you drunk?” you asked wearily. Drunk Ashton always scared you a little. He was either super sad or super angry, and you weren’t sure yet which one you got tonight.

“Nah, just had a couple with Cal,” he answered and by how slowly he was speaking, you understood he had more than couple glasses.

“And where’s Cal?”

“He dropped me off here and went home,” Ashton yawned, slowly slouching down on the couch. “He’s been saying I should go home all night. But I needed to see you.”

You came closer, thought for a minute and sat on the coffee table in front of him. Ashton  smiled to you drunkenly and fully lied down, fixing a cushion under his head. 

“Need to tell you shit,” he went on explaining. “Bad shit. Really, really bad shit. You’ll hate me for it,” he added, his voice sad and low.

You looked at him with a smile. “I could never hate you, Ash,” you answered quietly, thinking he was already asleep. 

But then he opened his eyes and looked at you, confusion on his face. It looked so funny, drunk and confused Ashton lying on your couch, you even wished you had your phone with you to take a picture. 

“How can you be so sure? You don’t even know what I’m about to tell you.”

“Whatever you tell me, it won’t be enough to make me hate you.” 

It was almost sad how true those words were. You’ve loved him for years, let him call you his friend, saw his half naked one night stands leave his bedroom in the mornings. You were positive, nothing in this world could make you hate him, if even your broken bleeding heart couldn’t force you to do it.

“I was in a bar with Cal,” Ashton stated.

“Yeah, you told me already.”

“No no no, you don’t get it,” Ashton scrunched his face. “I was in a bar with Cal. And there was that wanker you’re dating, what’s his name again?”

“Nate?” your insides froze. Was it possible, that Nate actually knew about your feelings to Ashton. Did he say anything to him?

“Yeah, that wanker. How do you manage to choose such losers, doll?” Ashton asked you, but before you could come up with at least some answer, he already continued. “So he was there and he was kissing some other girl.”

You kept gaping at Ashton.

“There, you can hate me now,” he finished, yawned again and closed his eyes.

You stroke his hair and smiled again.

“I don't hate you.”

“But I just told you your guy is cheating on you!” Ash exclaimed.

“He was not cheating on me, we’ve broken up.”

“What?” Ashton opened his eyes again. You nodded in confirmation of your words. “That doesn’t matter, he could wait, show you some respect. Why do you always choose such losers?” he repeated his question. 

You sighed, not really knowing what to answer to that. Were they really losers? Or was it you, a loser in love with your own friend?

“You deserve so much better,” Ashton muttered, while you were thinking about your answer. His speech was getting quieter and slower, he was slowly drifting off to sleep. But then he added with sorrow, “If only I could love you, I’d treated you like a queen you are.”

“You wanna love me?” you shot back before you could think what you were saying.

“Of fucking course I wanna love you, doll,” he frowned, his eyes are still closed. “I wanna love you and care for you. I wanna come back home to you every night and call you seven times a day from the tour like Mike does to Crystal. And I wanna touch you and kiss you, wanna kiss every inch of your body. Hell, I wanna eat you up like a candy. But oh well, you’ll never know anyway, so what’s the point.”

He tugged himself further in you couch, let out the final yawn and fell asleep. Leaving you stare at him mindlessly. You felt like some part of your world, really important part of it, had just crashed down, but you had no idea what it meant for you or what you felt about it. 

You stood up, your limbs hardly moving. Looked at a six foot tall giant, crouched on your too short for him couch, and thought how he’ll be sore in the morning. You covered him with a blanket, which was thrown over an armchair, and went to your bedroom to spend yet another sleepless night because of Ashton fucking Irwin.

***

Long moan, full of pain and regret, was the first thing you heard from Ashton in the morning. You were surprised he woke up so early, it wasn’t even seven yet, but you were also extremely happy about this fact, as you didn’t manage to find your rest last night. You spent several hours staring at your ceiling and guessing if he really had said all those things, or you just imagined them. And trying to predict what it would mean for your friendship. You were angry and confused. You felt a newborn hope inside, starting to bloom from his drunk confessions, but were so scared to let it grow. He did keep all those things from you, obviously he had a reason. Judging by that, he didn’t want to be with you. But still he said he wanted to love you. So did he? Or didn’t he?

God, you were tired. Not only from the last night, full of discoveries and doubts. Standing in your kitchen and listening to his moans and curses, you realized you were tired of Ashton, of all the sadness and distress he brought in your life. 

Ashton appeared in the door frame. His shirt was crumpled, just as his face. He was rubbing his eyes, messy curls falling on different sides of his face. He stumbled over to the chair and gave you a hard look.

“Hey,” he muttered.

“Hey,” you echoed. 

You felt a change in your feelings. You had no idea how much of last night he remembered. And it wasn’t like seeing him made you less angry. If anything, your annoyance only got stronger. But at the same time you felt nervous, you were almost scared of everything that was about to happen. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad I woke up on your couch and not on the pavement somewhere,” Ashton said, distracting you from your worries, “but how did I get here?”

So he didn’t remember. Or was he just acting he didn’t remember not to discuss it? You shook your head lightly. The questions were endless, fueled by your fear of losing something you’d spent years dreaming about. You just had to shut your subconscious up and go with the floow.

“You came,” you shrugged, rushing to answer his question. “Said Calum dropped you off.” 

“Can’t remember a thing,” he mused out loud, hiding his face in his hands.

“So, why did you get so drunk?” you asked, your slightly shaking hands clenched in fists. 

Ashton put his hands away from his face and frowned, remembering what he could from the previous night. 

“You know, the day was hard, and the week even harder.”

“So it wasn’t because you saw Nate kissing some other girl in the bar you were with Cal at?”

He closed his eyes and let out under his breath, “Shit, Y/N, I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have found out like that.”

“Old news,” you dropped, examining his reaction. You’d know Ashton for several years already. Hell, you’d loved him almost all this time. You knew he wasn’t lying or acting. He didn’t remember last night. 

“How is that old news?” Ashton frowned, more surprised by your tone, than your actual words.

“We broke up, so he can basically kiss whoever he wants,” you explained and crossed your arms, feeling insecure under his stare all of the sudden.

“Okay,” Ash said, his eyes not leaving your face. “What else did I say?”

You chuckled, anger spreading over your face. “Well, after informing me about Nate’s dissolute behaviour, you went on how I always choose losers-”

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Ashton interrupted you, “I swear, I’m never drinking again. I-”

“But I think the highlight of the evening,” you kept telling him, not paying any attention to his apology, “was definitely the moment you stated you want to eat me up like a candy.” 

Ashton choke on his own breath. He looked up on you, eyes full of pure terror. He didn’t say anything, and neither did you.

“You-” he started in whisper, but hesitated. 

“Is that true?” you rushed him.

“What exactly?”

“That you want to eat me up like a candy!”

He winced. “You don’t have to repeat that.”

“Well I’m sorry. I kinda spent the whole night playing on repeat my best friend telling me he wanted to eat me up like a candy! Can’t get it out of my mind now!”

“You weren’t supposed to know. Especially not like this.”

His words were full of regret and that was what hurt you the most.

“Obviously, that was the only possible way for me to find out,” you shrugged. “Why?”

Your sudden question took him by surprise. Ashton looked at you, confusion on his face.

“Why wasn’t I suppose to know?” 

He sighed, and looked down on his hands. You waited. A minute passed, but he kept sitting there in silence, the lack of answers playing on your nerves.

“Why, Ashton?” you almost yelled at him.

“Because I’m not the one you need!” he threw back.

You gaped at him as he went on. “I’m out of the city seven months a year. You deserve someone who’d be there for you. Not the guy for whom late night calls and occasional facetimes are the only option. I have no idea what other shit I told you yesterday, Y/N, but I guess you could read between the lines, if I didn’t say this,” he took a deep breath and admitted, “I love you. I’m in love with you. And I know better than anyone, I don’t deserve you a bit.”

You nodded, looking at him. Then looked at the kitchen island, separating the two of you, picked up a mug you’d taken out of the cupboard earlier and threw it right in Ashton’s head.

He dodged by some miracle, not less, his reactions are naturally slowed down by his hangover. 

“What are you-” he tried to question you, looking back at the pieces of ceramics on the floor behind him, but had to stop, as the next mug flew in his direction.

He stepped aside, dodging from this one, and looked at you. You opened the cupboard, took the first piece you could find and prepared to the next throw, when he yelled, “Not this one, that’s your grandma’s set!”

You looked at the old china cup, put it down on the counter carefully and turned to the pile of IKEA plates.

“Jesus Christ, can you stop? What is-”

But you threw the plate, making him hide behind the island.

“You don’t deserve me?” you yelled at him. 

Ashton peeked from under the kitchen island, but instantly hid back as you send another plate his way. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Stand up and face me like a man, Ashton!” 

He stood up carefully, took a step to the side of the island. “I would love to face you, if you weren’t about to tear my head down, doll,” he chuckled cautiously while keeping moving.

“Well you fully deserve that, asshole!” another plate was smashed on the wall behind him. You were getting better at aiming with every other throw, and that was making Ashton nervous.

“Can you, please stop trying to kill me?”

“How dare you say things like that to me?” you shouted back, not even getting what he was talking about, your full attention on your own pain and fury. “I’ve been going crazy for years, Ashton!” you threw another one. “Feeling guilty for falling for my best friend! Getting insecure cause you’ve never even looked my way, brining all those models and groupies at my parties. Breaking up with normal guys cause I couldn’t get you out of my head!” you threw the last plate you had in your hands and looked around in search for the next shell.

“And all of these for you to spill your drunk guts one night? For me to learn that you actually had feeling for me accidentally?” you picked up a small pan from your stove and threw it. “Fuck you, Ashton!”

“Okay, this is too much!” Ashton muttered, looking at the pan flying past him. “Do you- Do you love me?” he asked, turning to you, realization creeping up him slowly. 

You stopped, breathing hard and met his eyes. “I don’t. I hate you. I can’t put into words how much I hate! Why haven’t you ever told me? Not even given a hint?”

“And why haven’t you?”

You felt a hole left in your heart by this question. You were standing in your kitchen surrounded by shattered dishes, both wide-eyed, breathless and shocked. You couldn’t believe the words he’d just said. He was afraid of the reaction they may cause.

“Get out, Ashton,” you whispered, feeling the lump in your throat. Your eyes burnt with tears about fall.

He took a step towards you.

“Get the fuck out,” you repeated.

He smirked, covered the distance between you two in couple more steps and pulled you into him. What he didn’t envisaged was that you had just enough time to grab a spatula and start hitting him with it.

“Can you- just- not-” he stumbled through his words, one hand grabbing yours with the spatula, and another trying to keep you close to him. You two struggled for some time before he bent down to you and covered your mouth with his. 

Even the kiss was a struggle. Your knees were shaking from the feeling, but you kept trying to bite him. Ashton huffed, let go of your lips and looked at you, his sight heavy, but you recognized little devils dancing deep inside his eyes. 

“Try to bite me or hit me again, and I won’t eat you up,” he threatened.

You froze. You were still furious with him, you really were. But not to the point of risking the prospect of being eaten up by this man. After everything that asshole put you through, you were positive you deserved some special treatment.

He looked you in the eyes and smirked, taking in your obedience. 

“Good girl,” he mused and kissed you again, this time deeper, with more passion and lust. “Now, how about moving this argument to the bedroom?” he asked, picking you up from the floor and turning around. “What do you say, my little candy?”

“Oh, gosh,” you chuckled into his neck, you face turning bright red. You knew the nickname would stick, but right now, in the arms of the man you’d been dreaming about for so long, you had nothing against it.

***

Taglist: @myloverboyash​, @bringmethehorizonandpizza​, @calumamongmen​, @lfwallscouldtalk​, @empathycth​, @calpops​, @talkfastang​, @cthoodsthetic​, @ariannawoodxoxo, @dreamer-loves-lyrics​, @fluffsshawn​, @cals-cigarette​, @easierfor5sos​, @outlandishnerd

[my-add-chronicles]

We moved again Feb 1st because the roommate was getting bizarre and toxic so that was terrible (like complaining about every small thing, no basic respect or benefit of the doubt despite acting like being a mellow person and being kind and easy to talk to- it’s so wild when someone’s actions don’t match their attitude at all.. the whole ‘don’t do business with friends’ concept applies here, what a waste of money)

Obviously the rent is going to kick my ass since my bf is physically disabled (really bad chronic pain from muscle degeneration from an illness he had, he does his best but can’t stand for long periods and is recovering from a lot of PTSD from his family and from a brief hired-military stint before we met because they told him he was dying [95% chance of death] so he wanted to make money quickly).. I’m sole breadwinner and the US is a nightmare to try to get disability payments in, although we are going to keep trying. Point is, money will be very tight.

BUT! Love the new space. Two bedrooms, so we have one as the TV room/ferret play room so I have my cozy book-reading living room without that overstimulation of a TV which is fantastic. Gas stove, which he’s thrilled by as an ex head chef. Our elderly rescue dog will appreciate the space (and the lack of toxic roommate- we adopted her in November when we were living with the crappy person and didn’t know yet that it was going to get weird).

It’s a duplex style (but it’s 4 units), it feels a lot like renting a house because we’re on ground floor and there’s a big wood layered back porch thing that has stairs that lead to a simple shared backyard, a lot of windows and just the right amount of space for my antique furniture and tons of space on the walls for art. One-year lease offers a sense of security too.

Boyfriend has been away because of a funeral of his dearest relative who raised him. It was cancer- She wasn’t dead yet when he left Washington state so I feel very sad for him that he didn’t make it in time to say goodbye. But there was peace in knowing we did everything we could- he got stuck in the snowstorm on the road to Arkansas but he was in the good hands of my trucker ex wife (I know, lmao) who is one of the best drivers in the company. (They got along swimmingly! Bffs now it seems- it makes me laugh). He made it to the (outdoor, social distanced) funeral for her so in a way it went as well as it could have for what was meant to be. He’s taking it well and the whole thing kind of unfolded a lot like a movie, there’s a weird amount of healing that happened for him during the trip, he saw a lot of old enemies who want him dead (as I said, some PTSD from family.... homophobic family for instance, he was exclusively dating men in his youth) but he also reconnected with the family that loves the hell out of him including kids he grew up with that are now adults and have their own families and so it’s like having new family who actually love him. But it’s almost like going back there with good company (trucker ex was an amazing support system- she’s trans and a very affirming warm and dark-humor personality, perfect company for the trip- we weren’t meant to be together forever as teammates but she’s still a fantastic person) really kicked some sort of healing into gear, his attitude has shifted vastly from the default constant anxiety he deals with and his grief is there but he seems at peace.

So he’s been gone for 3 weeks and my immediate family teamed up with me to help take care of the senior rescue dog and ferrets while I work my 12+ hour shifts (bless them) and the fun part is, we had hardly finished unpacking from the move when he got the news she was dying- so since he’s been gone, each ‘weekend’ I go back to our new place and unpack and decorate with my project-hyper-productive mom assisting me, and it’s going to be SO freaking fun for him to arrive back and see our new place looking beautiful and amazing with a new rug in the hall and everything put away and art on the walls. It won’t fully be finished but it looks beautiful already. So that will be lovely after 3 weeks apart. Also our dog will be over the moon to see him- she’s a daddy’s girl, absolutely adores my bf so I’m proud that she wasn’t more livid about his absence for this long- she’s doing a great job. She’s a Staffordshire Terrier (so under the pit bull umbrella) just got to 3 months living with us, and she was abandoned and left to starve in Texas and she was 10 years old already when the shelter found her on the streets. She spent 4 months with a foster family before we adopted her and she was sent to us. She’s a nice 50lbs now. She’s doing amazing with all these unintentional changes (the move, my bf going to the funeral and being gone for 3 weeks, being around my parents a lot and staying in their basement together so they can help me take care of the pets).. I’m training her a lot and I’m very proud of the progress she’s made. She learned ‘lay down’ recently and she gets very excited to train because she loves treats. She still reactive-barks when someone comes in the door, she resource-protects people via barking (aka she doesn’t want someone to ‘take’ me from her, so she barks when people come in or random noises) but she’s making a ton of progress redirecting her attention back to me and is doing it way less. We used to not be able to leave her alone at all because she gets VERY upset if closed alone in a room so we didn’t know if she could handle it. But she’s doing amazing when I’m at work and her separation anxiety is a lot lower now, she gets a little mad once I go into another room but she naps while I’m at work and behaves very well. I’m just very proud of her, she’s amazing. She’s learning to hit a bell to tell us when she has to go potty. I’m teaching her ‘touch’ to boop things with her nose and she did it for the very first time by herself recently and I was so freaking excited. So we’ll keep practicing to see if it sticks.

That’s a little life update thing.

[bearpillowmonster]

Persona 5 Review (Confidants)

You can increase relationships with characters, increase your knowledge, guts, charm, proficiency and kindness in your free time for various uses in the future, it’s really intricate and interesting because you’re seeing so many storylines at once and uncovering other characters’ pasts, it’s really engaging. I guess it's possible to not have maxed social stats but I didn't really have a problem with it. I know that there are some things you can only do before or after a palace but I ‘usually’ try to get it done in one run as early as I can, it’s almost like the palaces are the break from taking breaks. Though if you do leave a palace, it restores hp and sp so that’s cool. Also, finishing a palace early opens up a lot of relationship opportunities because they aren’t nagging “You wanna go to the Palace today?”

So, if you can spend time with only so many characters then which ones did I spend time with and which ones do I recommend spending the most time on? Well first off, you can dabble, like just start someone’s route and if you don’t like it then just ignore it and move on, I like how it gives you a chance to meet everyone before any major commitments. Also finishing one up sometimes gives you exclusive personas you can make. 

Let me start with Chihaya, I like the Chihayafuru anime so I went along with it but I really just wanted my money back, I’m not sure if the star actually did anything but the story was just average and that money wasn’t coming back. I didn't spend a whole lot of time with her though I kind of wish I had because I saw a rumor that she helps with something significantly, as long as you have the cash for it, which is very apparent around endgame or even if you had the part time jobs.

Ryuji’s story was average but I use him a lot in combat so I wanted to increase my bond. I’ve seen headcanons that these characters do really crazy stuff and go to prison for it but it’s not true, they’re just a band of misfits, the prison that you see in promos is a metaphorical one, a dream prison held inside their own mind, it’s in the very beginning of the game, just want to clarify that because it worried me going into this game. I finished his confidant.

Queen’s is rather decent, as I mentioned, she was...She acts way too attached to not like him, I mean look at the way she’s clinging to him during that house break in scene, she’s always the one to take initiative and be second in command. What I don’t understand is that if you go somewhere with her and see someone, she’ll immediately play it off “he’s just carrying my books”. She’s also the one that went straight to Alibaba when getting hurt, I like that motherly aspect. I ship my Joker with Queen for him but Kawakami for me (it would be kinda weird for him since she's older and his teacher). It’s the amount of growth we see her character go through, she seems the most genuine even if her side story focuses on her friend.

Panther’s is alright but she wants you to help her get mentally strong, O..k..? I’m not exactly one for Panther so I didn’t choose her romantic route because I think she has more chemistry with Fox. Though she seems to be the most connected to Ryuji for some reason, despite bagging on him all the time. DNF.

Fox, I will say that spending time with him made me appreciate him more and I like the rewards and art that goes with it. He’s actually hilarious, this game has a sense of humor and when it comes to him, it’s just gold, he’s so passionate and proper which makes for the best type of lines and delivery. DNF.

Kawakami, I obviously have a soft spot for but I see that her story is a real thing that bothers her, I’m not a big fan of what she reveals half way through, that seemed kinda pointless other than keeping that a secret but if you have a decent amount of money, I would up her confidant as well, it certainly wasn’t anything I expected. I finished it relatively early but by the end she enables you to go out at night even if you’re tired from mementos or a palace. Imagine my surprise when I instantly like her and then the way they introduce her route...I’ll leave it at that other than I finished her confidant.

Speaking of, quick break in the section to mention this. You would think something as in depth as this game would include a meter or consequence of sorts if you start neglecting people or duties but it’s not as stressful as that, you don’t have a sleep meter so you can do stuff in the evening (though sometimes sleeping will enable certain things like dreams which give you points with characters you spend time with regularly)

Mishima is actually one of the more interesting ones to bond with because his story seems very casual but it’s interweaving with the main one until the end of it and I like where it heads, I usually tried staying nice to him for the most part but making sure he doesn’t go “too too far”. The big thing you get is being able to increase your “other” party members stats as if they were equipped in your main party which can be useful. He was one of the first I maxed.

Yoshizawa is the new girl in Royal, so I tried to get on her good side, I actually met her and thought she was kind of robotic because of how apologetic she was but as time went on and as I grew her her confidant, she became more appealing. She was the first I finished because she only has 5 ranks but it was alright, as I said, she’s new so her story is going to be in there anyway but ranking just gives a bit more context is all. Getting all 5 ranks doesn’t finish it. However, it never seems like it's actually "finished", of course I didn't do the romance route so it might've been longer that way but for the most part, from what I see, the romance routes are mostly copy and paste with different characters outside their confidants. Other than a few dialogue options with different context but they’re the same events. The field trip in particular is the main one that I’m talking about. (I know I just revealed I played Royal, I’ll explain why this review isn’t about Royal towards the end though)

If you want, you can help Caroline and Justine experience human stuff but it isn’t a confidant, it just gives you items.

Sojiro. I only did his about half way because he gifts kindness and sometimes enables you to get coffee which gives you hp or sp. Which is cool but I wasn't sure how the confidants worked just yet and was scared I would drag him into the story unnecessarily but that's not the case for any of them, the consequences are a lot different than you might first imagine. He takes calls from multiple people, some who we figure out, some we might not and then he dresses in that sketchy outfit and says "dress for the job you want." and the way he's dressed makes him look like a pimp so...that's concerning. DNF.

Akechi is a bit questionable but every now and then I would spend time with him. He reminds me of a lion. There isn’t much of story though other than that one thing about his parents. Most of these are just spending time with the character and they start to build more substance about half way through. DNF.

Oracle actually has a really cool personality, I think of her more like a sister type to my character though. You have to have a good level of kindness in order to do a lot (which is the hardest to obtain) Once you do though, it seems to tie into a side quest and it’s really dumb because you change a gamers heart...for cheating. And that leads to...

Shinya. Why does this character even have a confidant? It easily could have been Iwai to help with that sort of thing. I didn't even rank him up, sorry, just wasn't really enough of a reason to.

Hifumi is cool, I like how she’s in a church and plays Shogi, it reminds me of Hunter X Hunter with Gungi. Her story is kind of sad too but not too much different from the “I’m on all the magazines but don’t really want to” she just wants to promote the board game. I waited until after I maxed out Queen to get past Rank 4 for her though because I was wary of giving some of the girls the wrong idea especially since that meeting between her and Queen. But once my character and Queen were official, then I decided to come back to Hifumi. DNF.

Takemi has an interesting take, I ranked her confidant up but wasn’t psyched about it, it provided a source for the guts attribute for a little while, it’s really sketchy in hindsight but the story is a little bit similar to Kawakami, with being shunned and all but Takemi seems to embrace it a lot more. I maxed her confidant, it allowed me to get discounted prices for health items.

Noir. She’s actually what I expected Persona to be like, she’s the neutral in my eyes, kind of bubbly but cute about it instead of overly obnoxious. She takes certain events way better than I expected which is good for her but I think the story would’ve packed a punch during that arc if they went deeper with how she takes it. It’s poetic how she’s acting healthy while her father is not. Not to mention that it’s like she’s planting the seeds for her new self both metaphorically and literally. You can gain some pretty good items if you do it right, SP is always a welcome in my book. DNF.

Iwai. I’m not going to recommend which thing you should prioritize, that’s up to how you want to play the game, you should keep it balanced but this guy requires a pretty high guts level. He can mod your weapons for you which comes in handy, the story is kind of mysterious because you go undercover. You also get discounts. DNF.

I love the idea of Joker bringing around a talking cat the whole time, it’s a total aesthetic, sneaking him some of his food, keeping him in his backpack, he’s as big a part of the team as any, if not the biggest. You don’t really choose to rank him up though, he’s intertwined, you can still choose to be nice to him though. Even though he doesn’t act like him, Morgana kind of reminds me of Daxter with the dynamic, wherever Joker goes, Morgana goes. I let Morgana kind of take free rein and he ended up being the strongest on my team, you don’t know how many “1-More”s I’ve seen this cat do, he was probably the one that was most consistently in my party.

I didn’t mess with that political guy or the journalist.

Also make sure to have figured out what gifts go to which person because once you get the option, it may be hard to get it back if you refuse. Ranking up people outside of the Phantom Thieves affects who is there for the ending so maybe keep that in mind.

Now you may or may not have noticed I missed a specific character, I have been writing this review since I started the game, accumulating different opinions and such, as I mention some in the Palace section of my review. The final days of playing this have pissed me off. From here to the end, I’m going to rant so if you don’t want to hear it and just want to take what I’ve said and leave, now’s the time, I’ve written everything else without this burden on the game hampering my score. However, you need to know this if you want to buy Royal specifically.

Maruki is far and few between, not much substance but I don’t mind sitting down with him once in a while. I only got about half way through so if you want to increase his confidant, do it early because it’s not always available but he helps with SP like the temple in Kichijoji. That’s what I wrote, then I finished the game and I was like “Wait a minute...something isn’t right...” So I looked it up and apparently Maruki is a new character to Royal as well. Alright, fine, so what? Well you need to rank him to level 9, there is in fact a reason and I completely missed it because I played this game BLIND. Biggest mistake and the game doesn’t tell you otherwise. So with Persona Royal, you get an extra semester longer than the original game with new story and new content that deals with Yoshizawa and Maruki in particular. The regular additions to the vanilla game hinted at it but I never knew there was more to it. So, I could’ve played the regular version of Persona 5 and had the same experience. Oh, but to put the icing on the cake. You need to rank up Maruki by November 18th. I only ever had two save files and you know what the one I didn’t finish was at? NOVEMBER FLIPPING 19TH. But wait; How do you play the new content if you can’t go back to the save file? And to that I say “HA” You don’t. I screwed the pooch unless I want to play the entire game again on new game+, has to be the same ending I had too so no finishing early with one of the other endings. Even if I played on the easiest difficulty, have all the stuff from new game+, use all the strats that I figured out afterwards, it would still take forever. The shortest speedrun of this game is 16 hours, that’s enough for a whole other game, I beat Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood in less than that. Why isn’t there a function to skip to a certain section?! I’M PISSED so for now F- this game, if I ever manage to play through those sections at some point then I’ll update this review getting rid of this and making its own review. I’m not just going to look up the cutscenes either, I got Royal instead of vanilla for a reason.

[jade4813]

A Lie, Told Often Enough, Chapter 20

Author Notes: Inspired by @fallinginloveinaflash‘s AU prompt. All credit for the idea goes entirely to her. I’ve loved this story so much, I’m sad to see it go! I hope everyone has enjoyed reading it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it - and stay tuned for the first chapter of my next Westallen AU, Sparks Fly, to be posted soon!

Title: A Lie, Told Often Enough

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Iris just landed her dream job at a PR firm and her first assignment is reforming the bad boy image of celebrity artist Barry Allen. He’s overly cocky and well-known for being a playboy, but Iris has never met a challenge she couldn’t handle.

Chapters: 20/20

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Blind Gossip – The recent breakup between this sexy rock star and his fashionable fiancée have made big news, but sources close to the couple say that it may have all been for show. Rumor is they’re closer than ever but trying to keep their relationship on the down-low. Dare we still hope for wedding bells in the future? Think you know the identity of our coy lovebirds? Sound off below!

“Where are you going?” Iris asked sleepily as Barry yawned and slid silently out from under the covers. “Come back to bed.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he murmured, bending over to press a kiss against her forehead. “I thought you might want some breakfast.”

She fisted a hand in his t-shirt and gave it a slight tug until he laid over her, his body pressing her into the mattress. “I don’t want breakfast. I want you to make love to me.”

“Make love to you?” he asked softly, brushing his lips against her cheek, remembering a time she would have phrased the request differently. He liked the way her words now felt on his tongue and in his heart.

Misinterpreting his repetition, she blushed. “Did that sound cheesy? It sounded, cheesy, didn’t it.”

“Not at all! Sweetheart, I’m always happy to make love to you. As long as you promise you won’t look away.”

She smiled. “So stop talking and hold me, already,” she demanded.

Barry laughed and started to tease her. “You’re bossy in the morn-” But her lips were on his, her tongue delving into his mouth, before he could even get out the words.

Royal Heartthrob? Barry Allen Lands Coveted Lead Role in Romantic Fantasy ‘A Royal Affair’

The lights were off when Iris walked through the front doors, and she looked around in surprise. She’d received a message from Barry to meet her at the cozy restaurant for dinner, but there seemed to be nobody there.

“Hello? Anybody there?” she called out, wondering if she’d gotten the day or time wrong.

“Can’t say how the days will unfold. Can’t say what the future may hold. But I want you in it. Every hour, every minute.”

She recognized Barry’s voice as soon as he started to sing and turned towards the sound just as waiters dressed in black unobtrusively stepped forward and lit candles until the entire restaurant was lit by a warm glow. Then they melted into the shadows again, leaving Iris and Barry alone.

“This world can race by far too fast. Hard to see while it’s all flying past. But it’s clear now, when you’re standing here now. I am meant to be wherever you are next to me.”

“Barry, what is this?” she asked, looking at the table, shrouded in white-linens and covered with rose petals. Had he rented out the entire restaurant?

“All I want to do is come running home to you. Come running home to you. And all my life I promise to keep running home to you. Keep running home to you.” As she watched, he got down on one knee and pulled his mother’s engagement ring out of his pocket. Iris caught her breath as he held it out to her, his hands trembling softly.

“And I could see it right from the start, right from the start. That you would be my light in the dark, light in the dark. Oh, you gave me no other choice but to love you.”

Iris didn’t realize when she’d placed her hands over her mouth, but she felt her smile against her fingertips. Seeing her expression, he stopped singing just long enough to say, “I told you. Every song I write is for you. And they always will be.”

“All I want to do is come running home to you. Come running home to you. And all my life I promise to keep running home to you. Keep running home, home to you.

“Can’t say how the days will unfold. Can’t change what the future may hold. But I want you in it. Every hour, every minute.”

As his song came to an end, she stifled her laugh with her hands. “You know, in a sense, we’re already engaged. We’ve been engaged this whole time.”

Barry grinned. “Yeah, but that was when I was pretending it was all an act. You deserve a proposal that’s real. Iris West, will you marry me? For real this time?”

She nodded. “Oh, Barry. Of course I will.”

Iris West and Publicist Linda Park Launch New Image Consultant Service, ParkWest Consulting

“It looks like our opening announcement was a big success. What do you think?” Linda cried happily as she looked around at the tables of friends, colleagues, and potential clients who had come out to celebrate their new venture. “Hold that thought. I should touch base with Eddie.” Eddie Thawne had become a good friend since their one pretend-date, and he had agreed to be their first official client. He had also been the one to suggest they set him up with Patty Spivot, if she agreed to engage in the ruse. She was still struggling to rehabilitate her image, and he’d thought they could solve each other’s problems. And since everyone had seen pictures of the two of them talking at the art show, the ground work had already been laid. “If we want to get people talking about him and Patty, making them the new It Couple, we want to make sure everyone sees them together tonight. No rest for the wicked, right?”

As she left the table, Iris breathed a sigh of relief. “You know, there were times I was halfway convinced we’d never get here. It’s still pretty scary when I think about it too long.”

Barry pressed a kiss against her lips and murmured, “Really? I never had any doubt. I knew you could do it.”

“Yeah, but you’re not exactly unbiased.”

He shrugged. “True. But I was also technically your first client, so I knew what you were capable of.” Seeing the nervousness that still lingered, he brushed his thumb along the curve of her cheek. “Remaking an image isn’t about selling a lie, at least not to you. For you, it’s about letting people show who they really are. And that’s why you’re so good at this. It’s why I never doubted you would make this a success.”

She chuckled, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, but if that’s true, why do I still feel like I have a million butterflies ricocheting around my stomach?”

“Ah, well. That just means you need a distraction, Princess.” Under the tablecloth, he slowly slid his hand between her legs, his fingers inching up the hem of her dress.

Iris’s eyes went wide as she covered his hand with her own. “You wouldn’t!” she breathed, scandalized and – almost against her will – getting aroused at the thought. And the memory.

Barry’s smile was a wicked reminder of the night their former charade all began, when he reminded her he wasn’t wholesome – and implied he didn’t want to be. “Wanna bet?”

His fingers started to stroke her through her panties and Iris had to stifle her gasp of arousal. “This is getting to be…a very bad…habit,” she moaned against his shoulder, pressing against him as he pressed his lips against the top of her head to stifle his responding laughter.

EXCLUSIVE IMAGES of Top-Secret West-Allen Oceanside Wedding!

“You seem lost in thought tonight,” Iris murmured as she curled up against him, her head rested next to his on his pillow. “Everything okay?” Stroking the line that had formed between his brows, she teased him, “You’re not regretting this marriage already, are you? It’s only been...what...six hours?”

“Of course not,” he replied quickly, though the frown line disappeared. “I was just…I was thinking about how we got here.”

“Ah, definitely a topic that should bring on grumpy face,” she said with mock seriousness, though the corners of her mouth twitched with a suppressed smile.

He chucked a brushed a kiss against the tip of her nose. “Okay, maybe not. But I was just thinking…earlier today, when I was standing up there, just waiting for the first glimpse of you. Halfway afraid you’d come to your senses and make a break for it. I realized that I made you a promise and I failed to live up to it.”

Her humor fading, Iris frowned, shifting her head on the pillow. “What do you mean?” she asked softly. “I don’t remember you breaking any promises.”

“I swore I would be there with you every step of the way, and then I just ended things. I hurt you, and I can’t forgive myself for that.”

Iris lifted a hand to brush his hair back from his forehead. “But babe, you said it yourself. You didn’t know –”

“I still broke my promise. I still hurt you.”

Pursing her lips, Iris thought over his words. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I broke a promise, too.” At his confused expression, she continued, “I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love with you and look what happened.”

Barry let out a surprised bark of laughter. “That’s not – Is that supposed to make me feel better? You realize that’s completely different, right?”

Her grin was mischievous as she threw her leg over his hips and lifted herself over him. “I thought it would make you feel better to know we’ve both made mistakes.”

Barry smiled in return. “Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you really kinda suck at this pep talk thing.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to spend the rest of your life making your broken promise up to me, and I’ll have to spend the rest of my life making my sucky pep talks up to you. Does that sound fair?” she asked, shrugging out of the straps of her nightgown, letting it fall to a pool over her thighs.

Barry felt himself grow hard again and lifted his hand to her shoulders, gliding one slowly down her body to stroke her breasts. He linked his other hand in hers, stroking the gleaming golden band that symbolized the lifetime of love ahead of them. The reminder that the man who once believed he could never have a normal relationship had found a love that would last forever. He wanted to memorize this moment and her beauty, to carry them with him for the rest of his life. “Yeah,” he agreed, rocking against her until her head fell back with a gasp. “That sounds fair.”

[leggigoesabroad]

we were staying in paris to get away from our parents

Lyric from “Paris” by the Chainsmokers.  We (Rach and I) used to love the Chainsmokers until we found out they were trash humans who cheated on their girlfriends with no remorse, and instead we’ve followed the ex-girlfriends loyally since the breakups.  Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARY!! It’s 11:23 am here in Paris on Cinco de Mayberger and I wish I was in Philly holding that muffin and celebrating our girl, but hopefully I can be soon.  

I really shouldn’t be blogging right now because I’m sitting in a super cool cafe that is meant for working and co-working and I’m paying to be here, so I shouldn’t waste my paid time on blogging... but hey, I’m waiting for my Adderall to kick in and also I think this is the coolest concept ever.  It’s a super cozy space and you pay for the length of time you’re here.  It’s a little expensive but I have no sense of responsibility anymore.  It’s 5 euro an hour and that gets you access to the wifi, convenient plugs everywhere, and an all-inclusive self-serve tea and coffee bar.  I think it’s kind of genius!!  There’s snacks, bread, nutella, all kinds of tea, coffee, etc.  Takes away all the stress of posting up at a coffee shop for hours and wondering how much you need to buy to make yourself feel okay about using their space all day.  Kitty and I are personally very passionate about rental businesses/unlimited concepts like this, and I’m making a mental note to tell her about this so we can open one at home.  There’s a chance Americans wouldn’t go for it, but I think at the right price it’d be dope.  Of course, it basically reminds me of a bottomless brunch, and I’m pre-panicked I won’t get my money’s worth.  What if we served mimosas at our place, Kitty?!  Interesting.  I wish it wasn’t 3:30 am in Breck right now so we could discuss this.  

Last I left off I was on the train to Paris.  Vienna and Prague genuinely feel like years ago.  Such a weird trip, start to finish.  Not the kind I’d design on my own, but not NOT... just odd to be here mostly alone without a plan and kind of figuring it out as I go.  Not my style.  I got into Gare de L’est in Paris and figured out the Metro to Angie and Adam’s place around 7 pm.  Their 7-month-old is very French and goes to bed around 9:30 pm, so we bonded right away and she instantly took to me.  They tell me she’s mostly like that with all strangers, but I feel I’m special to her.  She cries when I leave the room!!  I had to sneak out to the cafe this morning because she was bawling when I went to my room after saying good morning to her.  Sweet angel.  Her name is “Thea” but they exclusively call her “Doodle” and it reminds me of our muff.  We ended up just hanging out all night on their couch and catching up, and then they got some pizzas and pasta from the place across the street for dinner and I ate All Of It.  The French don’t fuck around with their food (she says, shoving a shortbread cake coated in Nutella in her mouth between keystrokes.)  Had a bottle of wine and we stayed up until 1 am or so, just so lovely.

I woke up Saturday morning and braved what was admittedly freezing rain to walk to the local bakery Angie suggested.  Since they live right next to the Luxembourg Gardens I also popped in there, as it reminds me of the photo Amy and I took sitting on the fountain mirroring each other, back in January 2011.  I captioned it “The City of Love and Weight Gain” and steel trap Amanda remembered that ever since and recently posted a pic with the same caption, smh, she’s incredible.  Learned on this morning walk that my right black boot had worn through the sole, so my foot got soaked and I felt that “squidge squidge” with each step... so fun.  Went to the bakery and had a panic attack leading up to the order as I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head a million times over.  Eventually spit out “Je voudrais... trois croissants....deux pain au chocolat... et un baguette....s’il vois plait....” and to the girl’s credit, she didn’t immediately transfer to English upon hearing how painfully transparently American I sounded, and gave me the total in French!  I obviously had blacked out and couldn’t hear her, but the total was displayed on the cash register, so I paid and survived.

After lazing around a bit the rest of the morning, we all packed up and went across town to a Scottish bar that was playing the Tottenham game that Adam was interested in.  I love sports so I was happy to go, but man, soccer is dumb.  At one point one guy got a red card for lightly shoving a player after the play, and I almost burst out laughing at how that move disqualified him from that game and the next game, whereas in hockey that’s literally encouraged and we tally how many hits per game a player has.  Our friend Aaron came to join us!!  So good to see him, I think the last time I saw him was December 2016 right after I had moved to Denver and he was passing through town.  I remember specifically because I showed him my apartment, that first one in Uptown next to Kitty, and it was completely empty.  Back when I glamped all day.  He’s near fluent in French now and I find it attractive.  

We all went to an ex-pat bar after that and met up with Adam’s English co-worker and her friend who I found enchanting.  They’re both from Brighton and were just lovely, interesting, funny women.  We talked a little bit about the differences between England vs. the States and they said, “one thing we’ve always wanted to know - why do you have those huge gaps in the doors between your public bathrooms? You can practically see inside!” I said “I honestly have no idea and we all hate it too.  Ask me something else I can answer!!!”  We drank there for a while until Angie took Thea home because she was starting to get a little under the weather and fussy, and Aaron had a weird reaction to his IPA and immediately lost his voice.  Adam went home to Angie, and Angie’s niece who had just come in asked if I wanted to get dinner.  To be honest, I did not want to get dinner.  She is a little odd for a 30-year-old female and I didn’t have any idea what we were going to talk about.  Spoiler: I was correct.  She’s the kind of person who just won’t respond if she isn’t interested in what you have to say.  So we’d be walking along chatting, and I’d say something, and she’d just be silent.  Laaa dee daaa... she also lived in Versailles in college and is also fluent in French, and knew her way around very well, so I unintentionally just felt dumb and patronized.  We stopped at a place she wanted to go to for “authentic French cuisine”, blech, and I just got an omelette.  The menu was all in French and luckily I mostly knew what I was reading, but she didn’t even lightly offer to translate. Ha.  She eventually got more approachable and bubbly when we started talking about dating and her boyfriend and the online dating scene.  After dinner, to her credit, she thanked me for agreeing to dinner with her and humoring me on the choice of restaurant and walking together.  So maybe she’s just one of those people who doesn’t emote well but is kind and appreciative on the inside.  Walked home and went to sleep, again in silence.

Woke up intermittently and kept checking the Phillies’ score in the middle of the night, only to see a very sad ending... sigh.  At least Rhys and Bryce looked hot AF.  Angie and Adam are Nats fans but admittedly love both Rhys and Bryce.  I showed Adam the press conference of Bryce thanking Ned as a part of his signing, and Adam was THOROUGHLY impressed, so that made it all worth it.

Going to stay at this cafe for several hours and try to give Angie and Adam some space, as Angie thinks she and Thea are getting sick and I don’t want to impose more than I already have.  I may walk to the 6th later to visit the Hotel Raphael, Hotel Majestic, and the Peninsula; as ER has places in each of them and it would be amazing to see them firsthand.  Usually people on-site are very kind to me when I just pop in and say I work for ER, because it’s in their best interest to show me good service so I highly recommend them to my members.  Maybe I’ll splurge and have a cocktail or a short massage at the world-famous Peninsula hotel!!  TBD, the day is young.  For now, hopefully I accomplish my freelance work so I’m not a miserable jet-lagged shrew next week.  Wish me luck!! 

[portraitoftheoddity]

Infinity War Reaction Post:  [SPOILERS]

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AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, this hurt.

It hurt, but.... it wasn’t terrible? I was genuinely worried it would gut me AND be a massive shitty clusterfuck of a movie. And while it definitely had a lot of balls in the air, and it wasn’t perfect, it handled them I felt with a lot more grace than say, AOU. On the whole, it was a decent movie, which I am grateful for.

Loki. Auuuuugh. Pain. His face is haunting me.

I went into this a tiny bit spoiled just from the emotional reactions of other people who had been spoiled, so I was 100% ready for him to die. Am I bummed that it happened in the first ten minutes? Yes. But. My ‘best case scenario’ at that point was that he died being heroic and didn’t just join the Black Order and then get nerfed as punishment. Fandom’s ability to retcon character assassination is harder than its ability to retcon actual assassination. And there’s a LOT of avenue for fix-it fics.

I am.... weirdly glad that Loki’s jotun heritage at least gets called out, if not addressed. We never get anything real about it, but.... in his last moments, Loki acknowledges all of himself. He is Odinson. He is Jotun. He is of Asgard. None of these things are mutually exclusive. And he is willing to give his life to try to end Thanos and save Thor. That look he gives Thor when he’s getting ready to stab Thanos... he never believed he’d survive this. But he was going to try.

Seriously, Loki just-- first trying hard not to give Thanos the tesseract, then giving in in tears because Thor is being tortured and then WE HAVE A HULK. THAT FULL CIRCLE. AAAAHHHHHHHH. 

Thor’s pain crawling over to Loki’s body. MY HEART. I’m glad that Thor is actually mourning and his grief for Loki specifically is highlighted later, with Rocket, even after jokey banter happens. That Loki was the last thing Thor had left to lose kills me.

Even without spoilers, I kinda suspected Loki’s death would happen as a motivating force for Thor. And for all that, I am glad that Thor got a more emotionally-fueled arc than he did in Ragnarok. They let him have his humorous moments to keep some tonal continuity, but let his emotional moments breathe too.

Thor being mostly sure Loki is dead but in a bit of denial to hold out hope... 

NIDAVELLIR. FUCK. YEAH.

Seriously, we got more nine realms worldbuilding in IW than in Ragnarok.

Thor willing to die to hold open the aperture to make the ax, because at that point whether he lives or dies no longer matters

Thor being A GOD. The sheer badassery of his weapon BEING A BIFROST and then fucking LAYING WASTE to Thanos’ army. FFFFFUUUUUCCK ME.

“Sweet Rabbit”

Groot’s arm as the ax handle was a nice touch.

Rocket. Oh god. “I have a lot to lose” -- and then he does.

We all fucking called Rocket wanting Bucky’s arm but I’m glad we got it anyway.

Seriously, that Rocket & Bucky teamup moment.

Is it weird I found Proxima Midnight hot?

The Black Order were not really developed at all, but I’m pretty okay with that considering how much development Thanos got.

Honestly, I’m surprised by how much they fleshed him out? His motivation is a far cry from what it is in the comics, and that nerfs a lot of fic, but... It worked. It made him a lot more interesting. And more scary, I think, than a big evil purple caricature. I didn’t ask for this, but I appreciated it. 

(Of course, now I’m imagining Ebony Maw torturing Loki with those glass scalpel things...)

I liked Tony in this movie. I think putting him with characters more obnoxious than he is was a good choice -- In past Avengers movies, he’s been the immature, off the wall one, and putting him with Quill and Spidey suddenly forced him to be the Adult in the room and changed up his dynamic as a team member to do something new. 

The moment when Quill is talking about how his plan is better and Tony’s face just shuts down: I imagine he’s thinking-- “Is this what it feels like to be Cap? This is what it must feel like to be Cap. Fuck.”

Peter Parker is, of course, adorable. 

Is Avengers 4 gonna have the most depressing and awkward interstellar roadtrip ever as Nebula and Tony find their way back to earth?

Gamora giving up the location of the soul stone to save Nebula, and then Nebula realizing Gamora is dead, hurt me deep in my soul. 

Gamora. Ffffffff. Did not expect that. O_O

WANDA. WANDA WANDA WANDA WANDA. SHE IS SUCH A GODDAMN BADASS. SERIOUSLY. I am so glad they finally showed her as the fucking POWERHOUSE that she is. Holding off Proxima and Corvus on her own, and then later just fucking laying waste to so much of the alien army, and then SINGLEHANDEDLY holding Thanos off WHILE DESTROYING THE MIND STONE and breaking her own heart.

I actually even kinda cared about ScarletVision, which I didn’t think was possible?

Seriously, Wanda getting a major emotional arc. <3

Rhodey and Sam friendship and teamwork.

Rhodey basically telling Ross to go fuck himself.

Sam: “This is awkward.” (thank you for letting that be the end of BruceNat’s acknowledgement)

Shuri at Banner.

Bucky: “I love this place.”

M’Baku being there and calling T’Challa ‘brother.’ <3

“Wong, you’re invited to my wedding.”

After he spent a lot of Ragnarok as Hulk, I appreciate that Bruce spent pretty much the whole movie as Bruce for once?

“You’re embarassing me in front of the wizards!”

NATASHA & OKOYE TEAM UP I AM FUCKING LIVINGGGGGG

STEVE. Steve being gorgeous and stoic and good and sad. Steve facing off against Thanos and STEEEEEEEEVE.

I am actually amazed Steve made it through; I was so braced for him to die. But then-- fuck. When Bucky collapses into ash. I gasped out loud. 

Steve falling to his knees with that utterly lost look on his face in Bucky’s ashes. I AM REALLY WORRIED THEY BROKE HIM. 

SAAAAAAAAAM.

Okoye’s face. *sobs*

Wanda’s look of relief when she goes to ash. 

Thor being SO CLOSE. SO CLOSE TO STOPPING IT. The guuuuuiiiilt he has to feel of not being enough to save anyone. 

Okay, so, obviously everyone who got ashed is gonna come back. They killed Peter and T’Challa, and those are golden goddamn geese for Marvel. They’re gonna wanna make a Black Panther 2 and another Spider-man, so we’re getting them back.

(still hurts)

Strange gave up the time stone for a reason. There’s definitely gonna be some time-traveling/reality warping plan here.

I’m curious to see just how much gets “undone” past Thanos’ final act there. I know there’s speculation that anyone who was killed directly and not ashed will stay dead (Gamora, Heimdall, Loki), but I’m not sure Marvel will let Thor suffer that much, where EVERYONE else gets someone back except for him. Resetting reality gives them an opportunity to undo the destruction of Asgard, and get back all those characters and that setting for future franchise opportunities -- especially since Ragnarok made a fuckload of money and Hemsworth would be willing to return. 

If they don’t bring Loki back, fuck it, fandom will. OVER AND OVER.

WHERE WAS CLINT???? 

I get not bringing Scott in since he has his own movie coming up which is probably set pre-Infinity War. But COME ON, MARVEL. You left us with 5 of the 6 founding avengers alive at the end but no Clint anywhere?

He had better be like, the main character of Avengers 4.

Oh shit-- what if his whole family got ashed??? What if that’s his reason for going all Ronin in Avengers 4??????

There is a plot point that I am really fucking angry about because it fucks with a fic I’m writing. I can’t say which plot point though. But I have had it plotted out since fucking 2015 so fuck. that. I’m doing it. 

CAPTAIN FUCKING MARVEL. (I may have shouted out loud in the theater.)

CAROL, COME FIX EVERYTHING.

Carol Danvers shows up 20 years late with starbucks, punches Thanos into the sun, takes the gauntlet, fixes the universe, then goes out for burgers with Monica Rambeau because punching someone into the sun works up an appetite.

Overall, I have a lot of feelings. There were a lot of things the movie did really well and a lot of things I absolute loved. I am also absolutely gutted. But I am trying to have faith that a lot will be fixed in Avengers 4 -- and if not, it WILL be fixed by fandom. Loki dying is pain pain pain, but it doesn’t destroy his character, and doesn’t destroy fandom’s love of him and his story, or all the other stories we’ll still come up with. A certain amount of status quo will be restored, I’m sure. And fandom is forever. 

[magical-awesome-kid]

Platonic Soulmate AU no one asked for

Soulmate AUs are almost exclusively romantic pairings but I give you the ultimate platonic right here and now.

Basically soulmates are still people destined to fit perfectly together but more in that they are reincarnations of the the same soul. They are the pair to you, salt to pepper, pb to j, etc; however, it’s rarely a romantic phenomena and more likely that the person or persons who are your other parts end up becoming closer then any other family or friends.

While only about a quarter of the population has soul marks, this number has increased dramatically over the years. It’s still being understood by science and, of course, there are people who think it should be romantic or is an abomination Blah blab blah.

Basics of soul marks:

Each soul is given a mark but its only visible on the skin of people who share a soul

There is one similarity between all the marks - there is a shape, usually a circle, encompassing the mark that is broken into line segments. The number of lines = how many soulmates you have

Most common number is 2/3 soulmates but there is one story of a group of 8 sharing one soul

They usually show up at birth or within the first five years of life

Soul mates can also share things - writing on skin, feelings, whispers of thought, what they’re listening to, etc, but it’s really random and the jury is still out on why

For the Sides:

Their mark is a rose that starts of as light blue and fades to dark blue, purple, and red. Its encompassed by a black circle broken into four parts

They first realize that random marks will sometimes transfer over when written on skin. Logan figures out they need to write in their associated colors to get best results, but even then they fade out or cut off at weird parts

Doodles always transfer though, and Patton and Virgil are stress doodlers

Patton is really in tune with the emotions thing while Virgil can tell only when someone is stressed or experiencing extreme emotions.

Logan and Roman can catch glimpses through the others eyes from time to time

These strengthen once they actually meet

Logan and Patton:

Logan and Patton met each other first. Logan transferred to Patton’s school district for Freshman year and, sadly, could not escape gym. He showed up in his blue swim trunks to the swim unit with a frown and had .5 seconds from the time he heard a gasp and was tackle-hugged into the pool

Logan’s mark is on his upper back by the shoulder while Patton’s is on his right hip, so as soon as Patton saw the matching mark he POUNCED

Logan gasped for air when he came up ready to give the person a talking to about proper safety but they’re crying and emotions and Logan can’t deal but then when they do get out of the water and he sees the mark he just goes ‘oh’

The next two years of high school they become the best of friends, filling in where the other lacks. Patton is the emotions guru and helps Logan understand other people better (he can do basic emotions but more complicated things go over his head) while Logan helps Patton focus when need be on his studies and bring him down to Earth sometimes when he’s basically on an emotions high (not helped by the empathy thing)

Virgil and Roman:

Meanwhile, at another school district, two utterly opposite boys have been in an unlikely friendship since middle school

Roman and Virgil met when Virgil’s mom told him he HAD to join SOMETHING at school because she didn’t understand his Anxiety and just thought he was sad because friend things. Virgil didn’t like it so he went for the easiest thing he could think of - stage crew. He could sill wear all black and he could paint set pieces and generally stay out of the way

But nope the best sixth-grade singer had a major fashion meltdown twenty minutes to curtain on opening night and Virgil managed to get it fixed with some careful staples and a few pins until intermission when he could actually fix it.

Of course now the kid named Roman likes him and won’t leave.

Roman is very Extra. He’s in a bit of everything but he loves stage the most. He’s always out there with dreams of glory and magic and all, but its really hard for him to put things in perspective sometimes, getting him into trouble he can’t get out of alone

Virgil and Roman just end up sitting together one day when Roman invites Virgil to sit with some of the other cast and crew kids at lunch instead of hiding... somewhere (Virgil often goes to a teacher’s room with a homework excuse). Virgil doesn’t at first but eventually he caves and does it ONCE to get Roman off his back.

It’s not once.

Even long after the winter show is over Roman and Virgil still hang out and seem to compliment each other. They are the sass kings so much so people think they hate each other but then Roman is just like “oh no this is just how we show our love” while Virgil rolls his eyes

Because Virgil almost always wears a pullover or hoodie (even in the summer), Roman has never seen his upper arm and, with the weird placement of Roman’s mark on his outer left thigh, it wasn’t likely that they’d ever show each other on accident

Roman loves his soul marks and soulmates and can’t wait to meet them even if he only knows snippets about one another though random images and lots of doodles. Virgil is, of course, anxious about it. They talk about their soul mates sometimes but because they don’t have the same experience (extreme emotions vs images), it takes them forever to put things together

Eventually Roman catches Virgil doodling little purple cats onto his inner arm one day when he’s really anxious - seriously anxious, hood up and earbuds and practically rolled into a ball. Roman is about to interact to try to distract when he notices little spots of purple on his arms.

Roman looks between the purple marks and the location of the cats. One of his dots gets whiskers

Roman screams, startling Virgil as the boy practically falls over and screams himself, and now everyone is staring as Roman and Virgil are screaming. Roman shoves his hands in Virgil’s face and it takes a hand comparison then more screaming before realizing yes, they’re soulmates, god dammit, and your stuck with me for life Sir Sing-a-lot

Bring it together:

Sophomore year of high school Roman tries out for the speech and debate team and, of course, gets a spot in the humorous interpretation team with his rendition of a funny play. He manages to convince Virgil to take a chance and try out as well, and Virgil gets a spot on the informative 4 minute speeches for his piece on anxiety and coping mechanisms

Virgil is just grateful that Roman sneaks into the room every time and that its only to five or six people. He kind of hates it but also enjoys it because he know a lot of people come away knowing more about anxiety

But then they have to travel to a nearby school for a competition, where a certain blue-tie-loving nerd is giving a four minute on the importance of hydration and a balanced diet (while his best friend is running the bakery table, of course)

Virgil and Logan (and Patton, who snuck away to watch, and Roman, who snuck in to support Virgil) end up in the same room. Logan sort of intimidates the group with his speech but Virgil appreciates it because theres a lot of things that overlap with dealing with Anxiety

Logan walks back to the refreshments with Patton but Roman and Virgil end up following because FOOD and eventually they begin to talk about their pieces. Roman and Logan start a debate on the balance of dream chasing in the mix of taking care of one’s self while Patton is all over Virgil’s jacket because its hand made and can you make me one but CAT???

Logan: You are allergic to cats. 

Patton: But CATS!

Of course, now when Logan and Patton come to the other school it’s like they never left and they’re all back to being besties and sharing stories from the time. Patton insists on needing phone numbers, and it becomes a thing

Junior year Roman invites Patton and Logan to the spring musical when he gets to be Hercules in the play (first major roll, one which is usually given to a senior). They, of course, come, and it’s all a mad house so Patton and Logan see Virgil and Roman for only a few minutes because Roman still needs to get his skirt thing on and Virgil has to fix a sword because some idiot (*Virgil glares at Roman*) broke it trying to impress a cute boy

Roman: But did you SEE him? 

Virgil: Yes, I have eyes, and he’s totally out of your league 

Roman: *offended prince-y noises*

When the play gets going Logan and Patton are enjoying themselves but when Roman comes on stage with his skirt thing both Logan and Patton are staring because right at the edge of his skirt a multicolored rose is peaking out.

Logan spends the rest of the act just trying to see if its a match but Patton’s ready to burst right then and there

At intermission, nothing stops Patton from running back stage and tackle-hugging Roman and, at first, Roman’s like “wow thanks Padre but you haven’t even seen the second act” but then Patton lifts his shirt and shows his mark and is screaming excitedly

Anyone who went to middle school with Virgil and Roman suddenly have deja vu

Patton’s screaming, Roman’s screaming, Logan is just so done with his crazy extraverted soul mates so someone grabs Virgil because he’s the only damn one who can calm Roman down

Virgil: What the HELL is the screaming about???

Roman, clutching Patton: SOULMATES!

Patton: *screaming excitedly*

Virgil, turning to Logan: Please explain.

Logan, adjusting his glasses: Well... it seems Roman is a third to Patton and I’s shared soul.

Roman, eyes blown: WE HAVE THE WHOLE BAND TOGETHER!!!

Logan: What.

Roman: VIRGIL IS MY SOULMATE WHICH MAKES HIM YOUR SOULMATE WHICH MEANS-

Patton has already released Roman to tackle hug Virgil and now Virgil is all flustered and Logan save me from the extroverts

Roman’s second half is more energetic then ever, and he gets a standing ovation. 

In college they end up at different schools but they’re relatively close so every weekend at least one person is visiting another. Patton and Virgil are in the same city, so they just room together after freshman year.

Roman’s moms constantly joke that their son sees his soulmates more then they see him, and he just gives them the most dramatic response by grabbing everyone and bringing them over one weekend. His moms did not sign up for this Roman (but they love his friends)

Roman tries to set everyone up with dates. Some work out but most don't, and that’s ok because he’s never deterred (much to Virgil and Logan’s exhaustion and Patton’s excitement - Patton makes so many friends instead of date mates most of the time)

Patton and Virgil are both together when the huge wave of heartbreak hits them and they instantly call Logan and Roman

Logan just got his heart crushed by a guy he liked, and it was one of his first big crushes so everyone comes in and makes him feel loved

When Patton breaks his leg, Roman and Logan see the hospital sign via Virgil and show up without being called, fearing the worst. Patton’s just sitting there with Virgil doodling on his cast, though, and they were going to call them when they got home if the two hadn’t freaked so much to rush over without all the facts (much to Logan’s embarrassment)

Roman and Logan, of course, stay the night to help (and sign the cast)

Virgil being very anxious about exams and everyone helps - Logan Skypes to help Virgil review and Roman is sending mix tapes while Patton offers sweets and hugs, and it really helps the kid calm down.

Basically even after graduation they’re still in one another’s lives to the point that when Patton get’s engaged he’s got them all there for the full wedding planning. When Roman gets his shot at Broadway, they all come out to see him. When Logan gets tenure, they throw him a quiet but no less fabulous dinner. When Virgil decides to write a book about Anxiety, everyone cheers him on, especially when it wins top of the New York Times.

Just them being there for one another through it all, and it doesn’t have to be romantic its just being them, feeling complete with one another there.

[yourchumchumblr]

OUR 2017 in a Nutshell!

12 months, 12 pictures of us! It was really hard picking only several photos when you have tons of pictures to choose (to be precised, 50+ albums of events), so I secretly spent my night (yesterday) choosing which one should I pick and so far, I think this was the best photos to represent my blog post for this one.

It’s been a year since I last touched my tumblr and a lot of setbacks happened this year which prevented me to create new posts but today (though it’s late) I decided to end my year with an optimistic post which will focus on us, especially on you. To start off the intro, we started our year in a not-so-good events (which was the worst part lol) but it didn’t stop us to look forward and hoped for things to get better. This is the year where we, or I, hoped that this happiness, excitement won’t stop anymore and there are times when I wished that sadness, anxiety, grief shouldn’t had exist, begged to get this over with as much as possible. This is a year where happiness is there, sadness is its back. BUT, He is always faithful and caring, He is gracious, his blessing is abundant and his comfort is reassuring. I’ve learned to love more, more unconditionally; to give more praise when it seemed unhappy. I gave not because I want to/or not but because He deserved it. Rather than hatred, lets pour out the love to each other, so here’s my 12 best months I had with you this year:

1. My tsundere and pabebe partner! Hayo~ still remember our first selfie this year? it’s Jan. 22! and terno pa tayo ng color hihi. I couldn’t get over that time, you know pero hindi ko matiis na magkaron TAYO ng 1st picture kaya ayan, I let you have a selfie with me. You looked so cute and irresistible when you make that face of pabebe and begging “bati na tayo, Chummy” ughh. This was also the time na you’re asking na ilibre kita sa Pares but instead, I brought you to Kenny Rogers to fetch that stomach of yours and you looked like a happy kid and surprised yet satisfied. You deserved it, baby KO. 💕

2. My Couple-shirt buddy! also, my Feb-ibig partner! - You’re my one and only favorite company mapa-birthday ko, Valentines days, songleading and kung anong event man especially yung #WorldPizzaDay 🍕💕 hihi. Perhaps, one of my favorite and best months I had with you! Might as well the ‘most expensive month” kasi andami NATIN gastos but it’s all worth it! Hm. Thank you so much for the unbelievable efforts~ you had me there on my special day, hindi man naging okay yung 1st attempt mo, but you never gave up to make me happy. Kinilig ako dun. And syempre comeback is real, I’ve had return that kilig twice on hearts day hmpf. That was the first time I gave a bouguet to someone, and I loved that reaction of yours when I gave it to you. Hays. I loved making you happy lalo na kapag kinikilig ka sa efforts ko. I really treasure all of your efforts and kung anuman mga binibigay mo sakin. I just love your smiles and the way you’re staring at me.

3. My food buddy! 🍴 🍨 🍩 🍱 🍔 🍝 💕 This is the undenying truth! We became more into food this year! I’d hope naka-gain ka this year😅 syempre, I’m proud na nagkalaman na si baby ko! Yieee~ may bilbil na siya nang konti. WE started to explore and eat more food than ever! Ang cute kasi we’re doing ‘give and take’, there are times that the meal is on you and times that the treat is mine. I’m starting to miss the times when we’re making homemade food, mapa-snacks or sweets! Mas na-turnon ako sayo this year kasi you’ve been doing great at culinary, you know, you can even make cakes already.. compare it to when I met you, you don’t even know how to fry properly. 😂 Thank you for being my food buddy and thank you for making me my favorite cake! I really appreciated it. I also really love these Sundays of March especially when we had the opportunity to listen to Miriam’s testimony.

4. My travel buddy! 💕 It’s more fun to explore places when you have someone you could dragged with, you know me, I’d rather stay and watch anime if I’m just alone. It’s just overwhelming when you passed your term and have planned agendas.. nothing beats ‘study then landi after’ 😉(you know what I mean eherm eherm..) Yung feeling na indoor muna tapos outdoor na~ Despite of not getting too much gala with you this year, I’m still glad and grateful (given the circumstances and opportunity) na we had these rare chances to travel alone. Hindi man ganun kalayo, pero as long as na ikaw kasama ko, super okay na ko. I wanna highlight our Tagaytay trip! There’s so much photos of us, ranging from kulitan sa byahe - to the places we went to - until to dinner, to the point that I wanna post it all but of course, I’d rather keep it private, especially your gorgeous and eye-melting photos hmpf. And as travel buddy, baby, it’s my job to teach you good angle and lighting and what do you/we want to portray on the photos that we’re taking. Afterall, we want the best moment to be perfectly captured and treasure it as a memory. So yun, I’m sorry if there are times that I scolded you for your bad shots, I just want you to learn. So ayun, looking forward for more gala this 2018!

5. My kakulitan buddy/partner in crime! And My ‘Kalandian’ 😉 Ugh ansarap-sarap asarin nitong babaeng ‘to. 😅 tapos kapag na-pissoff, dadaanin ko sa lambing. hihi. Ang cute cute niya kahit matangkad at stick siya jk! There’s a ton of photos to choose of and photos where it’s too cute and exclusive to upload kaya sinarili ko nalang (because I’m a selfish Chummy). I really love this young lady especially when you combined our sense of humor, it will be nothing but endless laughter, korni jokes and tons of fun. 💕 Na-inspired tuloy ako! And syempre hindi mawawala yung mga times na badass kaming dalawa hihi. Ehem. This is the time where I wished na sana ganito nalang parati but it couldn’t be, may oras talaga na malungkot and down ka pero the best part is, we’re here for each other.. kahit na hindi parati. Whenever she’s down or depressed, I tried to prioritize her as much as possible to cheer her up kasi naman, ganda ganda tapos nakasimangot, kaya Chummy to the rescue si acoe (me). Maybe that’s one thing I could do for her even though my thoughts sometimes lurked around and make me realized na it’s unfair for my side. I don’t know.. I don’t know how I went through.. those painful moments I’ve gone through.. that I shared alone, that she wasn’t able to be there for me when I needed her. I’m just grateful that He never leave me and I still continued life. Despite of whatever I went through, I’ll still be your Chumchum. 😊

6. My Ootd buddy! And yea, it’s her birth month! I really wanted to make this month extra special to her. From our kimonos - to black outfit - to stripes outfit! Gusto ko same kami ng suot ihh. 💕 Nakakabitin yung Aikido training namin since we had a short termbreak (especially me), plus the messups that we had midway. It really shortened our moments but hey, we’re able to pull it off! Meron kaming signature pose sa Angelus ulit and we’ve been consistent for 4 yrs! And yea, looking forward this coming summer (but I realized it’s my thesis na huhu but for sake of landi. XD kakayanin). This is also the month where I had a hard time thinking of what to do, what should I give, etc., for her birthday (syempre girlfriend ko may kaarawan eh dapat Bida at da best si boyfie). BUT I’m glad that she had more than enough fun on her special day since we had fights before the day. And why wouldn’t she be unsatisfied, after her actual 19th birthday celebration, may post-celeb pa but this time, it’s only the two of us! Ayun, we had..  💕 so much kiligs and wonderful time since we had our private moment ugh asdfghjkl first then we went to her birthday wish, to Dog cafe where she got so fascinated of. And it doesn’t end there! We watched Transformers: The Last Knight! Yeeeeeeey! and at the same time, I bought her a gift the day went to date. Hm. I couldn’t choose between photos in this month due to a lot of wonderful events that occupied your birth month, so I chose that photo of us.. I wanna tell them that you’re MINE, and inaangkin kita dyan hihi.

7. My Selfie Buddy! Of course! Our day (most of it) won’t end without selfies! There are times when I was so hooked up on you, to the point na “ikaw lang, sapat na” na feeling in terms of narrowing my vision kasi you’re entangling my sight too much, that I really felt enough. 😵 Same goes to whenever we and the others were taking pictures, my times na gusto ko rin magpa-picture sa iba kong friends (mga girls) but then I remembered you, that I should be fair with you and hindi naman big deal, kasi gusto ko rin na as much as possible ako LANG kasama sa pictures (syempre exempted mga girl friends mo). I realized that I can be that clingy and I felt so much affection being with you. But then, I also realized that too much wouldn’t be good for me, for us. This was also the time that you kept on leaving me behind and I thought of myself if I wasn’t that enough.. enough for you. The month of July implied a warning on me but I still chose to keep going and gave a push once more. 

8. My Ministry Partner! 😇 💕 Ughh. Kinikilig ako kapag nakakapag-worship and serve TAYO together! Back then, I was just thinking that it would be that great if meron nga and poof! I met you, and didn’t expect na we’ll be serving Him together. That’s one of best feeling I ever had. I always thank the Lord that I was able to invite you in our church and became a part of it!

9. Ms. Clingy~

10. 

11.

12.

PART 1.5

There’s 3 more remaining, any ideas of what kind of buddy you are? 😉

[yuzuria]

I-Z-U-V :P

Thanks~! :p

i - has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

If we’re talking about not liking fandoms anymore and not the series/franchise itself, of course, gintama fandom attitude drove me off its fandom and made me dislike a huge portion of content in the series because of a lot of toxic people, even people I had never talked to have me blocked for some reason, because I dislike their waifu then gotten me involved in their shit talking in their public platform which is hilarious if not I feel sorry for that deranged person, no bitter feelings attached personally but I dislike that person because of them attacking my friends but since it still has a special place in my heart as one of my favorite series, i still enjoy the content exclusively with my friends and I refuse to search for fan content anymore unless I happen to see it in my dash/timeline. Other than that I haven’t liked the series itself because of tumblr, gintama was the first series I became active in in fandoms and tumblrr, I was a lurker most of the time in my previous fandoms and didn’t get myself involved with drama or loud people so I just naturally stopped liking them.

u - three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Komaeda Nagito from Danganronpa: My ultimate favorite at this moment, to make things short he’s all in one package I’ve always wanted in a character: soft demeanor, sparkling fake that’s not considered charismatic by others ^_^✨, morally gray with idealistic view that eventually destroyed him, contrasting complex personalities that I never get tired of analyzing and each day I learn new things about him, has a tragic past that didn’t hinder nor trapped him forward but rather shaped him for who he was and moved on (he honestly gets little appreciation in this department, this boy had been through so much but smiles and accepts what was to come in full arms, in a way makes him so emotionally strong yet fragile at the same time) and ultimately, his death broke my heart the most, not because he died but his intention behind it made him capture my heart and crashed it literally with spear.

Toph Beifong from Avatar: My childhood sweetheart

Imai Nobume from Gintama: I fell in love with her even before I caught up the first episode she’s in. She’s so gorgeous and I love girls introduced to be ruthless and deadly, and her first appearance did that. She’s trained as an assassin as a child and had been cutting down people since then, even though she appears to be an emotionless killing machine, she has a sense of humor fitting to the series, has a childish streak and with that she gets along well with other (sadistic) girls (kagura and soyo), doesn’t give a fuck to senseless uninteresting things, and will bring down people she deems bad with no hesitation. Her story with sasaki is really emotional to me, the most this series has ever made me feel, I love them and their found father/daughter relationship. I love how her development went too in farewell shinsengumi arc, how of all people it’s kagura who understood her and saw her tears, telling her to stop fighting and live how she wants, that she can be more than assassin she grew up as and no one can stop her, not the organization who raised her to be a killing machine and not the promise she had with sasaki where she’s the one who’s going to end him as an assassin. I love the moment kagura told her too that earth is the star of freedom.

v - which character do you relate to most?

Ahh this is difficult, I never try to see myself in a character and ~relate~ to them, as much as possible I make myself disconnected to the characters, not associating them to myself. The only time I ever considered relating to a character was punpun lmao, I relate to his pathetic-ness when I happened to read oyasumi punpun during dark times.

z - just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (prompts optional but encouraged.)

okay, i haven’t considered making a fanfiction ever but there’s an AU i’m fond of, AU with no hpa and where Komaeda and Servant(Meshi) are brothers and kamukura and hinata are twins :D In this setup it’s focused to meshi and hinameshi with kamukoma in the sideline uuuuu anyway it doesn’t go well, i have no concrete plotline and ending, all i thought of are sad stuff. Komaeda in this AU still has his cycle of good and bad luck but with meshi’s presence as his older brother(a year or two, i’m pretty undecided), and not so good relationship with their parents, he swore to never leave komaeda’s side so he’s the one who caught all the bad luck komaeda’s cycle produced, marking him the “unlucky child” in the family while komaeda is credited with the good luck he brings, although it doesn’t necessarily means he’s treated much better. (Anyway it’s my hc komaeda doesn’t experience bad luck himself unless there are no people around him therefore the bad luck he experienced with the kidnapping and diseases was because he already lives alone in that time) So with that, it was Meshi who experienced and endured the terrible things to keep Komaeda and other people from harm. I’m undecided if I’ll also include the cancer and dementia...

Things are rough from here, I’m still contemplating how Meshi would act in this setting and how similar it would be from dr:ae so i could change stuff from here. izuru, hinata, and komaeda were high school classmates where they all met each other. all of them have their internal conflicts which is similar in canon but with no hpa presence, meshi has a complicated relationship and attachment with hinata who feel overshadowed by his twin, meshi doesn’t like izuru, izuru and komaeda kind of get along as outcasts and hinata is intrigued with the komaeda brothers. Four of them used to hang out though, meshi and komaeda can’t cook so the twins come over from time to time to keep the house from burning and feeding them. Sometime after meshi graduated, there’s a shift in his relationship with hinata and the two started going out, meshi told about him and komaeda and hinata wanted to change it but how? when the three graduated, komaeda and meshi moved out and disappeared with no contact. Time skip happens and few years later, and things get even messier, komaeda is in uni and part times as a librarian while meshi doesn’t and works as a bartender (possibly fools around too), i’m still not sure what hinata does besides being in uni but he stumbled upon komaeda one day and brought the news izuru is in coma for overdosing. Hinata and meshi tried (or not) to reconcile due to their disappearance for years, and later komaeda took his own life... aha...

questions meme

[bybyeblackbird]

Ok so I've seen PotC5 and for me the whole movie is appalling. Why do you think Johnny made the character so disgusting? His jokes just made me sad bc JD as a person has a great sense of humor so...??? What does that mean? Why is that all about fucking all the ladies who happened to be around? Why is he always so stupid when he was proven to be really intelligent in the original trilogy? Just... bullshit. And why did Johnny like the film???

Sorry it took so long to answer this, I wanted to watch the film before I responded. 

WARNING: SPOILERSDOUBLE WARNING: I wasn’t impressed, so if you’re looking for a glowing review please pass by, i’m sorry kids

Basically, I agree with most of this. And to answer your last question: Johnny would have liked this film because this is how Johnny wanted to play Jack.

Guys. I think we’re all trying to ignore that fact and blame his antics in the film on the writer exclusively. But doing that is ignoring that A) Johnny co-wrote the script and B) the MULTIPLE comments we all know Johnny has made, in the past AND on this very press tour, about how he believes Jack has no character arc or depth, and is just there to have fun. The directors ALSO said this.

Here’s the thing: I understand the defence about ‘the character was written that way in this film, he’s supposed to be down and then redeem himself.’ And I’m all for that! I would love to see that! The problem is, I didn’t see that at all. It’s set up perfectly to give Jack a redemption arc. That’s clearly what the script intended. 

But it’s not what Johnny intended. And it’s not what the directors intended.

Lottie put it so much better in her review, here. But what it comes down to is this equation: 

The main actor and the directors believing Jack has no arc nor depth + the script giving Jack an arc and depth = the mess we ended up with.

As Lottie put it: 

I could ultimately see what they were trying to do, and it kind of worked in the first half, but it was so poorly executed because ultimately they created a contradiction for themselves. the directors and Johnny have stated on multiple occasions that Jack is now apparently a character without arc or development, and yet they put him into a narrative where he is supposed to change in some way between the start and end point. I said this before when I remarked last week that it was ironic he had an ‘arc’ in this movie considering those comments: he’s meant to get somewhere, regain his rep, return to a ( mostly ) sober state – but they kept stagnating him in the narrative because he is this weird arc-less character at this point. it just didn’t make any fucking sense. if you’re going to put a static character into a narrative ( as Jack apparently is nowadays ), then you don’t put him in it at a relative low point, changed from the last time we saw him as an audience and apt to change/develop along the course of the narrative as he ‘redeems’ himself. you’re just writing yourself into a brick wall. he should have been FINE the moment the Black Pearl was restored, but they kept returning him to this earlier drunken, idiotic state without reason even after that point and it just made the whole thing really sloppy. you want to paint Jack at his lowest point? well by doing so, you’re giving the audience a stake in seeing Jack redeem himself and return to the character we know and love – and yet there was no obvious sign that had happened, no natural development that saw him slowly but steadily getting his groove back and taking control of his own narrative until the very end, when suddenly he was absolutely fine even though he’d been fighting plot convenient alcoholism for the entire movie. 

And that’s the truth of it. And you can’t blame it entirely on the writer or script (though he DOES have some explaining to do about just ignoring the trilogy completely *cough* compass *cough*). It was Johnny’s choice to play Jack with no obvious redemption arc, as the script set him up to do by showing us at what is obviously meant to be his lowest point.

And it’s not bad acting, it’s just Johnny’s character choice. With many movies you can say ‘don’t blame the actor, blame the script!’ But you and I all know that doesn’t apply to Johnny. Johnny doesn’t blindly follow the script. Johnny wants what he wants and Johnny gets what he wants. He WANTED Jack to be the humorous relief. He WANTED Jack to have no depth or arc - leave that to the other characters. It’s his choice and he chose. I’m not here to tell him he *can’t* choose something for a character he created. I don’t like it, but I’m not here to salivate over everything he does and everything he chooses anyways. 

He’s made lots of choices I don’t like. We all remember Private Resort. 😜

So anyways, clearly I had a problem with the way Jack was portrayed so I think you can guess my feelings about the content of the jokes he cracked. They were lazy and annoying, and I knew already how he described Elizabeth from all the comments I heard, but I still wasn’t prepared for how sick it made me feel, watching him descend to that level. It was disgusting. Johnny said he ‘really upped the stakes with the humour,’ and in my opinion he completely missed the mark and just made him so off-putting. 

AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS WITH ALL THE SEX JOKES???? not even just Jack but like… everyone???? Carina and Henry went on about his hand placement, the horologist thing was funny for about 5 seconds and then became stupid, MARTY JOKED ABOUT FUCKING SCRUM’S MOTHER like honestly i was so put off by seemingly every attempt at humour. The boat undressing scene was somehow even more disgusting in the film than the trailers, and that wedding scene??? fuck off. It added absolutely nothing to the plot, was put in for what I’m assuming was supposed to be comedic effect but wasn’t at all funny (to me), and used the tired old trope of ‘let’s make the leading man have to entertain the presence of this fat chick he refers to as an object so the audience can laugh at how gross she is.’ Johnny’s facial expressions were honestly great in that scene but I couldn’t even appreciate it because I was so repulsed by the whole thing.

THINGS I DID LIKE:

How protective Jack was of Henry, even if he didn’t show it overtly. Which is one of the only three moments where i recognized Old Jack (overtly sassy and pretends not to care about people but through actions shows he deeply does)

Second thing where I glimpsed Old Jack: The smile after the Pearl rose from the water. I saw that grin and I started grinning and Andrea looked over and asked me if I was crying LOL

Third thing where I glimpsed Old Jack: When his crew leaves him. That hurt look on his face tore me up.

CARINA. Seriously, can anyone claim that Carina did not carry this fucking film. I honestly kept thinking ‘Jack can u shut the fuck up so Carina can talk please.’ Carina was great.

Scrum. He fucking kills me, man. When he was trying to save Carina; man I was dying with laughter

Gibbs - there was one moment that for some reason was the funniest and purest moment of the whole movie? And I don’t know if anyone else even caught it and maybe it’s just cause I watched P1,2,3 all this weekend - there was a moment where they were on the Dying Gull while it was still on land and they didn’t know if it would even sail, and Jack bellowed some order like ‘prepare to set sail’ or some shit. and usually whenever Jack gives orders, Gibbs will repeat them and expand on them and give more details of what to do like ‘Prepare to cast off!’ ‘Prepare to fire!’ etc.; he’s the first mate obvs! But this time when Jack gave the order, Gibbs just goes, ‘Prepare to drown!’ AND I WAS DYING i was like the only one laughing but it was just so perfectly timed and delivered and sassed????

Barbossa - Geoffrey did well with what he was given and though i think the reveal of that whole emotional tie was super rushed and not well explained, I think Geoffrey did really well with what he was given to work with, and had my eyes watering in *that* scene

Anyways that was a novel but i started answering your question and then it turned into a full fucking review apparently - feel free to ask about any parts of the movie you want to know how I felt about, but be warned I’m in a very honest and unforgiving mood right now 😈

[billwerde]

#RIP Tommy Page

In its own unforgiving but meaningful way, life has taught that people I love or have loved, enjoy or have enjoyed, or even been people I’ve been challenged by and only later realized how that challenge made me better… these people leave my life, often unexpectedly. All I can find in these moments is acceptance. And some moments to reflect deeply on time shared.

Tommy Page left this world last night. I’ll set aside the unresolved, and focus instead on what was. Because the latter was pretty entertaining.

Tommy and I shared an important chapter, I think, in both of our lives. Lisa Howard was the publisher of Billboard while I was Editorial Director, and Lisa hired this crazily high energy guy I had never met before to drive advertising sales and partnerships for the magazine. And when Lisa eventually moved on, Tommy took over as publisher of Billboard and became my partner in crime.

Tommy and I surely had our differences, mostly in style, as any professional partnership does. But he loved Billboard. Put Billboard before his own needs. Worked his damned hardest for Billboard. That was my bar for respecting a colleague, and Tommy flew past it. Anyone who knew him or worked with him will tell you that if Tommy Page lacked for anything, it wasn’t enthusiasm for the task at hand.

I don’t know how long Tommy and I ran Billboard; I went through 13 different bosses and 6 ownership structures in 8+ years there, so the dates and eras blur now, into a mostly happy continuum of music, talented people and surreal moments, mixed with a lot of long hours and travel. But I want to say it was a couple of years.

I have two memories I want to share in this moment. They are the first two that came to mind when I heard the news. And I think each says something about Tommy I’d like to remember.

The first was connected to one of the very best memories of my time at Billboard. We relaunched Billboard magazine in January of 2013; this was part of our evolution from being a pure trade brand to one with elements for music fans to enjoy. We needed the perfect artist to grace the relaunch issue—someone with a story that would intrigue fans and the industry alike. Someone who, on their own, had the gravitas and credibility to carry a relaunch issue. To say I was overjoyed when Prince agreed to do it is an understatement.

It will not surprise you, educated reader, that Prince had a lot to say about the music business. The man who once held out on his Warner contract and appeared in public with the word “Slave” on his face to protest his relationship to his record label showed little signs of mellowing as he aged, at least on this topic.

Billboard’s longtime R&B writer Gail Mitchell flew to Minneapolis and was granted access to Paisley Park. We knew Prince allowed no recordings, but Gail was caught off guard when Prince told her she also couldn't take written notes, because “that’s pretty much the same as recording.” Gail eventually filed the story and we edited it and got it on page as time was expiring with our printer.

Now, we never published anything with the goal of making the subject happy, per se. But if you could print a great story and the subject liked it anyway, that was always a good feeling. And this was Prince, an idol of mine since childhood. His manager called after it ran to request a bunch of copies and to let me know that Prince loved it and may want to speak to me at some point about the music business and ways Billboard could help bring about more positive change. We shipped a bunch of issues to Minnesota, and I didn't give it another thought. It took us two months of phone calls and planning to almost not make the Prince cover story happen. I didn't expect anyone would ever take the time to make the logistics line up for a casual conversation.

Except that they did.

Two or three weeks later it was Grammy week. This was 2013 and Prince wore a hood and carried a cane and basically was peak Prince as he came out to present the Grammy for Record of the Year to Gotye and Kimbra. Tommy and I were in the audience. Billboard had a nice little afterparty that night,and I remember telling Tommy I was going to head to my hotel and take a nap, and would be by the Billboard party later. Grammy week was exhausting; I think I’d gotten a few hours of sleep the previous couple of days.

No sooner had I dumped my suit on the floor and drifted off did my phone start blowing up. Tommy was texting me.

“Bill”

“BILL”

“Where are you???”

“Need you here now!”

“Prince coming. Wants to talk to you.”

This got me out of bed.

Fast forward 45 minutes and I’m on the roof of some chi chi hotel rooftop. Pool, torchlights, cabana, the works. Our dear friend Marcie Allen, who throws the best parties, period, was organizing this one, and led me to a cabana in the back where we were instructed to wait until Prince arrived.

This story is already too long, so I’ll save the details of what went down for another time. But suffice it to say, Prince showed up. He came straight to the cabana, still with his sparkly cane from the Grammy stage. And after a sliver of pleasantries, got straight into explaining why the record business was still unforgivably corrupt, and why Billboard needed to be doing more to stop it. I pushed back. I wanted Prince to consider the possibility that because of his actions and the actions of others who dared fight the system, that the balance of power had shifted and was continuing to shift to the artist. I wanted him to consider the possibility that his justified anger might be keeping him from taking some small amount of satisfaction or pride that his efforts were showing signs of paying off.

It was a respectful but certainly intense back-and-forth. At some point, about 20 or 30 minutes in, Prince started quoting scripture to make his points. As he and I went toe to toe, I could see Tommy watching, head swiveling as Prince and I parried, getting increasingly concerned with what it meant to be arguing with our iconic party guest.

Now, Tommy and I have never discussed this night, and I know from a post he made about it when Prince died that he remembers it a little bit differently than I do. But his account and mine agree on this point: Tommy hated to see anyone unhappy, and so Tommy, perhaps misreading intensity for anger, wanted to lighten the mood. And, after a few of his attempts to insert humor were only briefly acknowledged, Tommy seized his opportunity the next time there was a pause.

“You have really incredible skin, Prince. What kind of lotion do you use?”

Prince Rogers Nelson crooked his head at Tommy, stood up on his cane, and said “With that…” and like a purple wisp of smoke, was gone as suddenly as he came.

Now to be honest, in that moment, I kinda wanted to pound Tommy. But the truth is, the conversation had run its course. And really, a back-and-forth that surreal deserved an ending equally so. And of course, in retrospect, Tommy just wanted everyone to be happy. To be enjoying the party. This was quintessential Tommy.

The other memory is much more personal and less Prince-like, though it does involve bright colors.

Billboard has a big Latin music conference and awards show each April in Miami. And setting aside all the very real strategic reasons why this was an important week for Billboard, it was also just about as much fun as a person can legally have and still call it “work.” Dancing to Latin music every night, and partying with the Latin music business and fans was always a real highlight of my year.

The thing about Miami, though, is that people treat “formal” differently down there. If you wear a grey suit, you stick out. Linens, pastels… these were a requirement. And for those that know me, linens and pastels aren't exactly a staple of my wardrobe.  Tommy loved fashion, and loved to talk fashion with me. I think he got a kick out of a straight guy who had a POV. Tommy decided he and I were going shopping on our first day in Miami, and that he was going to Miami-fy me.

There’s not much more to share than that, although I’m sure if you could have seen me and Tommy, bouncing around South Beach with all the muscle boys in Zara Man and Banana Republic, you’d have smiled. Tommy running up to me with skinny ties. Tommy getting other sharp-looking men to gather and share opinions when I came out of a dressing room. Tommy just being genuinely blissful in that moment to shop, to share time with a friend… to help me. I got some nice compliments when I wore the slightly-shiny, sky blue suit and the tie that Tommy picked out to the Latin Music Awards, and Tommy beamed like a proud parent. We’d laugh about that shopping trip for years to come.

Now the years have stopped coming for my relationship with Tommy. And I’m sad, tearing up, really, selfishly thinking about things I didn't get to tell him, and then thinking, with broken heart, about those he’s left behind who need him in more profound ways.

The older I get the more I see how life is exclusively about our experiences with other people and the world around us. Tommy and I shared a wild chapter full of parties and laughter, airplanes and restaurants, hard work and music, oh so much wonderful, blessed music, and a goddamned unparalleled team at Billboard that worked harder and better than anyone had a right to expect. I write this for those loved ones, and I write for Tommy. I accept that you’re gone now. I’m so appreciative we had the time we did. And I miss you, man.