#i do have a diary but writing takes effort

[cannibalspicnic]

I've been wanting to organize my thoughts and theories about the trial, so I'm gonna try writing through them here. Honestly, one of my favorite things about this show so far is the endless potential for speculation so, here it goes....

I think the trial itself was mostly Santiago's idea, and it was the perfect power grab for him.

Lestat's presence at the trial, however, I think is pretty much entirely Armand's doing and the main reason Armand involved himself as deeply as he did.

Santiago didn't know Lestat, didn't seem to particularly appreciate Lestat's presence at the trial, and moreover, didn't need Lestat at the trial. As Claudia pointed out, it was never really a trial. It was a stoning. Execution was the foregone conclusion, and the trial was just a piece of theater. All he really needed were Claudia's diaries and maybe Sam's more poetic extrapolations. The "jury" had no idea what was happening anyway and were just doing call and response.

But Armand's got this whole love/hate obsession with Lestat, and I think the hate and resentment part of that obsession gives cause for Armand to want Lestat to be forced to witness in person the execution of his family. As far as the love part of the obsession, I think Armand hopes that once Lestat is left alone, he'll have no choice but to stay with Armand. Possibly there's a part of Armand that genuinely wants Lestat to see him as his avenger.

I do not believe Lestat was there willingly. I think, like in the books, he was imprisoned and starved to keep him weak, but he wasn't as completely incapacitated as he was in the books. Lestat agreed to read the lines and rehearse etc. because if he hadn't, they wouldn't have let him participate in the trial at all, and the trial was Lestat's only chance to even SEE Louis and Claudia, much less try to save either of them.

And once the trial starts, Lestat repeatedly tries to undermine it, but he's still walking a fine line because if he fucks with the coven too much, he might be removed and lose any chance he has to affect the outcome. I think we also might find out that he tried and failed a few other ways to save Louis AND Claudia.

Which brings me to the question of Lestat and Claudia. I do not believe Lestat ever wanted Claudia dead, though it's understandable to believe differently from what we've seen in the show so far. I do think we're going to find out that Lestat made one last ditch effort to save Claudia after Louis was dragged offstage, even if it was only to plead with Armand for her life. Armand's being the only version of that moment feels too juicy to not come back to it. That being said, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that Lestat prioritized saving Louis first, and that's one of the things that continues to haunt him after the trial about Claudia's death. Especially after all she says about it never being about her.

What I find really interesting is that when Louis is recounting the trial, he repeatedly insists that Lestat was there for revenge and that he believes Lestat helped orchestrate it. But in the flashbacks from Louis' memories, we also see Lestat is not having a good time and is somehow weakened, that something is not quite right with him.

It's one of my favorite examples of Louis reaching for the truth he knows is inside of him, inside his memories. That's why the revelation that Armand had directed the play and Lestat had saved him made such a huge impact. Those were the missing pieces of the puzzle, and they are what led him to recontextualize everything he already knew. Namely, if Lestat had saved him, he was never there for revenge. And his genuine contrition about the drop, his attempt to take some of the responsibility for Claudia's making, his unsteady and unhappy demeanor...they make sense because Louis realizes that Lestat was a prisoner during the trial, not Armand. I don't think Louis would have ever gone to find Lestat if he truly still believed that he organized Claudia's death or even agreed to it.

So back to Armand. I do actually think that Armand loved Louis. I've said before, when it comes to Armand, it's best to let go of reason and embrace the gremlin to understand his actions. I do think some of Armand's initial interest in Louis is specifically because he is Lestat's fledgling, but he did come to love Louis himself. And I think Louis came to love him. I know this is not a popular opinion, but hear me out.

First of all, I think Armand never let go of the idea that he was going to have to kill Louis. I think he always kinda saw his time with Louis as delaying the inevitable. But he did want Louis for himself, and so he kept buying more and more time. So when the coven confronted Armand, it didn't even feel to him like he was betraying Louis, so much as he'd run out of time to keep Louis alive. I think in Armand's mind, he genuinely didn't feel like he could prevent it.

As far as how Louis feels about Armand. I know I've seen people mention that the reason he can tell Armand, "I love you," is that he doesn't mean it. And I agree. I do not think Louis loves Armand during the events of "I Want You More Than Anything in the World." But season 2 takes place over several years, and I think Louis was able to find love for Armand.

However, because I love it when things are really fucked up, I think Louis only really started to let himself feel love for Armand after Armand left the coven for him after Louis turned Madeleine. Which is unfortunate because Armand was obviously lying his ass off about that.

But when we see them at the café, and Madeleine says she can feel Louis' love for Armand, we see a different reaction from Louis than in 2x04. He is more uncomfortable with the idea of it. I don't believe that Madeleine was misreading Louis or actually feeling his love for Lestat. I think Louis is uncomfortable because it is true.

I also think it's the first time Armand actually believes that Louis loves him. And because of that, I think that moment just before the coven descends on the café is the first time he even realizes that he had a choice in all of it. That he could have tried to save Louis.

If I'm right, UGH, so fucked up. I hope I'm right.

Anyway, I've rambled so fucking much. I don't even have a tl;dr because even *I* don't wanna have to read all that to summarize it properly. And I probably forgot some stuff, but let's all just be grateful for that.

Just to reiterate, this is all speculation. I could be very wrong, and I know there's stuff the cast has said that might indicate that I am, but I take stuff like that with a grain of salt, especially in this show.

[wolpatinga]

[justabunchofdragons]

o... .. .,,, ! !!! i am very happy with where i am in this moment

[sensitivegoblin]

.....my sister read my therapy vent journal.

[elexaria]

dating simon riley wasn’t always easy. “i’m a bloody nutcase, eh?” he’d joke when he’d wake up in a cold sweat, taking deep breaths as his calloused thumb rasps against the soft cotton bedsheets, grounding him back to reality. “puts all my efforts to shame when i wake up like this. fuck’s sake.”

therapy is mandatory, especially given his role as lieutenant. the traumas of childhood, the torture. he thinks he’s good at dealing with his problems, thinks therapy is a waste of time. “what, it’s just a bloke sat there starin’ at me? hell, get me a piece of paper with some made up degree on it and even i could be a therapist.” he grumbles after you point out that, in fact, he’s not as good as coping with his trauma as he thinks he is.

“you need to actually give this a go, si. it’s..” you pause, biting the inside of your lip as you make breakfast. his hair is disheveled, wry strands of grey sticking up against the grain. his dark circles only exemplify just how tired he is, especially when he has his night terrors. you shake your head, sighing as you crack another egg into the frying pan. “how can i expect you to stay safe out there when you’re barely able to look after yourself when you’re home?” you sigh out as he grunts, taking a seat at the small dining table, his eyes skimming through the morning paper.

god, he’s such a stubborn bastard. it takes months to get him to at least consider finding a new therapist, to get him to actually care about his mental health. christ, if he can’t do it for himself, can’t he at least try for your sake?

and then, it’s like he has a lightbulb moment. you come home after a long day at work, only to find him sat at the dining table, writing scruffy notes in a ring bound notebook. “mission notes?” you ask curiously, keeping your eye on him as you make yourself a cup of tea. he grunts, shaking his head as he continues to write.

“it’s a diary. supposed to help with your mental health or summet.” he replies, settling his pen down to meet your gaze. you must have had a look of confusion on your face, and it makes the corners of his lips twitch up into a half-smile. “yeah, i know. a bloke like me with a diary, like i’m a bloody teenage girl.” he quips, now grinning as his fingers toy with the corners of the notebook. “writin’ about all the boys i fancy on the field.” he shoots a wink, before continuing to write some more in his notebook.

it’s actually surprising, a smile on your lips as you watch him in his own little world, actually making an effort in his mental health recovery. you come over, settling a warm cup of tea by him before pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of his head, still smiling as you make your way upstairs to give him some privacy. he comes upstairs after half an hour, chucking the diary into his bedside table drawer before sprawling out onto the bed obnoxiously with a deafening groan. you whine and complain when he purposely stretches on you, gently crushing you with his bolder-esque shoulders with a massive grin on his face.

there were still bad days, though. days where he’d hide himself in the garage to work on some of his projects. but you’re both trying, he feels his heart break when you gently knock on the door, holding a plate of snacks and a cup of tea for him, and fuck, it makes his bad day slightly better.

that evening, he curls up besides you silently on the couch, his journal and pen in hand as he clears his throat. you curiously peer down as he begins to flick through the pages of chicken scratch, gently tapping the page as he looks up at you. he clears his throat, and begins to read out the sweetest paragraph, one that makes your eyes well up with tears.

“no idea where i would be without you, love. you make the darkest days of my life brighter than ever. you make life worth it.” he ends his speech , the timbre of his voice cracking with emotion as he looks at you. and right there, you know that through all the trials and tribulations you two will go through, you’re the love of simon riley’s life and he would never let you forget that.

[stardust-in-your-eyes]

Well, alright, since everyone is doing this, let's try it, see how it goes. Mostly because I really wanna do the things on the list, yet always end up being my own worst enemy by not believing I'm worth it or sth. Mwell...

5 notes and I'll stick to going to the gym at least 3 times per week this month. <- got it! will do!

10 notes and I'll start going to bed at 1 am instead of 2 am <- okey dokey, will do ;)

15 notes and I'll give skincare another chance, a.k.a convince myself I'm worth the effort. <- wow, okay, starting tonight 😀

20 notes and I'll actually muster the trust to keep a diary to serve as some sort of semblance to actual therapy. <- gonna be a challenge, but it's needed. Thank you. 😊

25 notes and I'll start writing the story that's buzzing around in my brain for a while, simply for my own enjoyment, not being related to any fandom and all... <- uh oh. I guess i gotta start cooking it then 😉 thankiess for the push!

.... 200 notes and I'll love myself :D <- WEEE GUYS THANK YOU! 🤗🤗❤

Edit: i drastically lowered the last goal. Because some people on here (you know who you are, my lovelies) are showing me so much love that this goal actually seems feasible. I just have to work a bit towards it, and, even if it takes a bit of time, I'll get there.

[becomingthatgirl111]

become a disciplined person easily

it's not that you are lazy or don't know how to do it, you just don't know how to organize your time well, stop telling yourself that you don't have discipline or that's for other people and take action now!

start by organizing your current life

what are my goals? what would be my ideal routine? where can i start? what habits are stealing my time or are harmful to me? am i satisfied with my current life? what should i improve? what can i do now to improve?

after answering these questions yourself and having a clearer idea of what you want, write down your short-term goals (for example to become more disciplined in one month by creating small routines) and start organizing yourself, again ask yourself, what can i change right now? and for sure you can improve many things, you can start exercising, have a day and night skincare routine, go for a walk every day, write a diary, whatever you want! and propose to do these new things for at least a week every day, take it as a challenge, even if it is 10 minutes a day, but make a space in your agenda for this new thing you want to start, this is how you will start to create a discipline.

find your motivation

what are the long and short-term benefits you will get when you start this habit or routine? how will you feel when you get what you want, no matter how small? what improvements will there be in your life during and after this?

little by little

as i explained before you can take this as a small challenge, choose a new "harder" habit and another smaller one like drinking water several times a day, and to remind you of this you can carry a bottle of water with you (and i recommend this habit to everyone). if you want to start exercising and you always end up leaving it, propose to yourself the challenge of doing every day 10 minutes for a week and this way you will get used to it (it can be any task that you want to incorporate to your life) and enjoy the process, write or talk to someone how you feel, it may be hard at first but you have to get used to it, do not put too much effort during the first week, maybe there are days that you do not feel like it, but remember better little than nothing, but remember always do it for your well being and improvement, that is the biggest reason you will find.

it can also help you to keep a record of what you do during the day, you can write it down or use an app called daylio, by seeing your progress will keep you motivated.d

some ideas to train your discipline

wake up one hour earlier than usual and go to sleep one hour earlier

organize yourself every day with a planner as soon as you wake up

know your goals for the day

control the time you spend on social media or watching tv

don't give up!

after you have achieved your goal, for example, to lose weight, don't give up the habits you created, you have to keep them in your life so you have to create a routine that suits you and makes you feel happy and motivated at the same time. you will always have more goals to achieve. when you create a routine and a plan of action everything will be much easier for you.

[dokidokitsuna]

The Diary of Penny Polendina

The other day I was inspired to try working on a different NeverFell Projects installment, one that would probably be a lot shorter and quicker to write, because it's not like I care that deeply about Penny, right??

Well, I was incredibly wrong. ^^; So wrong that I'm actually having trouble with this story now...essentially, Penny goes through a bit of a 'rebellious phase' (gross oversimplification, but that's all you get for now) and there are, surprisingly, a lot of aspects of that character arc that I want to explore. Plus, a pivotal connection with Pyrrha, the climax of which I haven't quite figured out yet...

God only knows if I'll be able to finish, or if I'll just write the first 2/3rds of the story and leave it at that. But I figured I might as well warm up by talking about the designs. ^^

Penny's new look is basically 'Disney's Pinocchio, color picked from Arthur Watts' character design'~

I didn't necessarily want her to look evil, just...bolder. Like she specifically picked 'daring' items that maybe her father or Ironwood's PR team would rather she didn't wear, at least not compared to the more innocent frilly pastels she had on before. Between the chest window, midriff, and short sleeves, she's actually showing a lot more skin than before, despite still being 90% covered up. ^^;

Those multicolored wrist accessories are prototype weapons invented by Dr. Watts, that mix and pressurize Dust from the cartridges to cast "artificial magic". This way I get to do a bit of the 'Winter Maiden Penny' stuff in this Vol. 3-locked AU~

Penny's magic usage is one of the things that stumped me when writing this story...In NeverFell, magic isn't just glowy rainbow lasers or weather powers-- it essentially allows the user access to any conceivable semblance at any time; its potential is limitless. Being a beginner, Penny would probably just come up with one signature 'spell' to use in tandem with her Floating Array...but I can't decide what I want her to do. ^^; I think I'd like for her to do something connected to dance, because I feel like that's something unique to her, the way she dances with her weapons before striking. Nobody ever points out how the "robot" in the cast is the one who chooses to spend energy on unnecessary movements that aren't even used to maneuver around an enemy; they're just cute and fun. ^^ I think that's a great encapsulation of who Penny is~

Redesigning Pyrrha is always super difficult, because her original design is so perfect. But I like this end result a LOT. ^^ I may need to adjust the pant legs a bit, but overall it feels like a very believable alt outfit that keeps the spirit of the character.

Pyrrha is another one of the stumbling blocks in this story, because I'm now forced to create at least one malleable personality trait for her-- i.e. one that isn't intrinsically tied to Jaune and/or the plot. Something that she could actually take into a meaningful relationship with a different character... I had the idea to expand her "I'm sorry!" gag into a real guilt complex, where she has trouble letting go of instances where she's made mistakes or hurt someone. In this case, dismembering Penny 1.0 and essentially ending her life. :T She seeks out 2.0 in a desperate effort to make things right, and ends up helping her with ...things, and growing as people or whatever, and all that other stuff I have yet to write. ^^;

I just realized that Pyrrha could use her polarity semblance to pull Penny towards her in a situation where they need to reach each other...that's so cute. ^^ I gotta remember that~

[g1rld1ary]

overheard that she was nineteen - james potter x reader

wc: 1058

cw: nothing, one swear, reader is sad on their birthday, implied fem!reader but i don't think any pronouns

chat how many aura points do i lose for crying in the literal first 20 minutes of my nineteenth birthday :/ don't think about this fic too hard or you'll see it's more of a diary entry than work of fiction oopsie :')

You weren't feeling very special. To be quite honest, your day had been totally shit. It was your birthday, your nineteenth birthday and everyone had forgotten. Well, that wasn't true exactly, but nobody cared. Your parents had barely said 'happy birthday' when you called them, and only one of your friends had texted you. A sweet message, but still kind of depressing.

You knew it shouldn't have been a big deal, no one cared about nineteen, right? Eighteen was the big birthday and you'd had a good enough day last year, so you weren't really sure why this year had brought you down so much.

Maybe it was just because your love of birthdays was never reciprocated. A person's birthday could be the most exciting day of the year, and you were of the opinion that it should be, if possible. You were the one who showed up with a hand-baked cake on your friend's doorstep, without fail. It was something you enjoyed doing undoubtedly, you spent ages picking out which colour the icing should be and what edible decorations should go on top.

On top of that, you considered your defining talent to be writing cards. It was something you took pride in, penning almost-essays that encapsulated the breadth and depth of your love for your nearest and dearest. Proclamations of never-ending adoration, gratitude for years of friendship, the insides of your heart and soul sitting amongst fresh ink and scribbled hearts. You signed your name with a heart and a flower every time. Plus, you made particular efforts to come up with a creative pun or doodle for the front, just to keep things interesting.

So birthdays were things you held in high regard, and having yours seemingly mean nothing to anyone else was a bit of a mood killer if you were being totally honest. Still, what could you do? You picked yourself up, ate an uninspiring breakfast and went to uni.

You felt more anonymous than usual in class. With the semester having started only a week prior, you were in a sea of new people, none of them having any way of knowing it was your birthday, and you weren't quite at the point where you were begging for well-wishes from people you didn't particularly care about. And so you took notes, put your hand up for the participation grade and dreamed of your own cake and candles.

By the end of the day you were exhausted. The classes were long anyway, but carrying around your own personal grey cloud was taking a toll on your body and mind. It was at the car park when your phone dinged; James.

are you coming over tonight?

please

You smiled a little despite your sour mood. Even if James didn't seem like he was fully aware of your outlook on birthdays, being with him always made you feel better.

It'd already been dark for an hour or so by the time you reached the flat he shared with the boys, the winter weather making the sun disappear at four o'clock. You knocked on his door softly, unable to pluck up the strength to even make your presence easily known. James must've been waiting for you though, since you heard the heavy pad of his feet almost instantaneously.

The sight of him nearly took your breath away, though nothing was out of the ordinary. He was still the same old James, his glasses slightly askew on his nose, but he was looking at you with such softness that you felt the tears spike behind your eyes. You tried to push them down.

"I thought we'd have a bit of an early dinner. I know you won't have eaten at uni." He took your bag, setting it by the entry table softly. You managed to nod, hopefully not giving away all your awful feelings. You tried not to be cut up that he hadn't wished you a happy birthday yet.

All of your melancholy had been for nothing, you realised, when James led you to the dining table. He'd gone the full mile, with a cheesy red tablecloth and single candle as the centrepiece.

"Happy birthday, my love," He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your temple. You couldn't help it, the tears rolling down your cheeks before you even realised. Once they started you had no chance, sobs wracking through your body as James stood beside you, bewildered.

"Is this not okay? Do you not like it?" He fretted as you cried, and you rushed to reassure him.

"I love it, Jamie, promise. It's just," You managed a half laugh through your bout of tears, "I thought no one cared. I can't believe you've done this for me." James' brow furrowed deeper than you'd ever seen it before as he pulled you into a tight hug.

"I would do anything for you, love. I mean it."

Once your tears had subsided you had a lovely dinner, James making you double over with laughter as all thoughts of your previous shit day dissolved under the weight of the homemade pasta sitting in your stomach.

Just before the night died down, James presented you with a small box, wrapped in the most beautiful silky ribbon. You glanced up at him curiously, untying it slowly. Inside was the most beautiful bracelet you'd ever seen. Connected with a heart-shaped clasp and decorated with a single charm, a love letter. You were embarrassed by the tears working their way back up to your lash line, but James looked delighted by the reaction, he lived to make you happy.

"Thank you," You whispered, "I love you."

James didn't have to say it back for you to know, but he did anyway because it made him happy.

Maybe your birthday wasn't the flashy event you might've wanted, however deep down, but you were strangely okay with it. Despite the fact that no one showed up to your door with a hand-baked cake or essay-length card, you had James, and James would've pulled the stars down from the sky if he thought it would boost your mood. That was enough.

[supercap2319]

do you remember the scene in season 1 episode 3 where Elena catches Vicki in the bathroom brushing her teeth implying that her and Jeremy has spent the night together? Can we get a male Gilbert reader story where instead of Vicki it's Matt and Mel Gilbert reader, and Elena gets judgy and tells Jenna on them but she already knows.

Elena awoke with the sense of dread. If last night was any indication of where the source of her uneasiness came from, it was how she and Stefan left things. How he was keeping something from her, and the more she pushed, the more he pulled away. Not to mention how Stefan's older brother Damon was abusing Caroline. Like, what was that all about?

She slumped against her pillow and looked at the stack of books on her nightstand. One of them was her diary. Elena reached out and grabbed it as she sat up and had every intention of writing down everything that she was feeling in this moment. Her pen touched the page, but no words were written. Seems like she just couldn't write. No matter how much she wanted to, there was something keeping her from doing so. Looks like Stefan had a hold of Elena more than she originally thought.

The thought of Stefan instantly made her feel numb and sad as Elena shook thoughts of the handsome boy out of her head and headed to the bathroom to wash her face. She opened the door that she shared with her younger brother, Y/N. Elena was surprised not to find Y/N nor Jeremy using all the good toothpaste to brush their teeth, but the shirtless and muscular form of Matthew Honeycutt Donovan.

Elena was no stranger to Matt and his physique. They dated throughout their high school careers, but after the death of her parents, Elena just couldn't be with Matt anymore. They were still best friends, and Elena loved having Matt over, but why was he here at 7:00 in the morning? Matt looked like a deer caught in headlights as he's not sure if he should cover his bare chest or his blue boxers with bunnies on them. "Elena? I-I'm sorry, I'm almost done."

Elena looks confused. "It's fine, Matt. Take your time." She closed the door and blinked. What the hell just happened?

A few minutes later, Matt enters Y/N's room with a smirk on his face, a bounce in his step. "I think you might be in trouble." He said, jumping on the bed and wrapping them both in covers and comforters.

Y/N raised an eyebrow. "What did you do?"

"Oh, Elena saw me."

"I'm a horny teenage boy with a hot jock in my bed. I'm pretty sure there are worse things that I could be doing." Y/N smiled. Matt smiled and kissed Y/N on the lips as they wrestled until Matt was on top and kissed Y/N into the mattress as he reached down into his boxers and tugged.

Elena walked downstairs to find Jenna in the kitchen. "Jenna! Are you aware of what's going on upstairs?"

"Uh-huh." Jenna says nonchalantly.

"And you have no objection?" Elena asked. How could she act like this wasn't a big deal? How Matt could be here and from his body language, he was definitely sleeping with one of her brothers, and it wasn't Jeremy.

"Y/N could be craftier about it, at least make an effort to sneak him in and out. Oh, and just so you know, I won't be home for dinner." Jenna smiles.

[screechingsandwichtriumph]

Billy Loomis x reader x Stu macher

Billy loomis and stu macher? Ik they aren't on ur list but it would be fun to see a male nerd reader x billy and stu (yandere ofc)

Someone asked this and somehow I deleted it , so I'm sorry but I will write about them

Also , I am infact a girl , and this is the first time that I am writing for male reader , so if this is a bit not good sorry://

Summary: you are Billy's and Stu's obsession. How they are before you get together and after you do

Warnings: yandere , implied murder , implied stalking, that's all

You are literally so perfect and handsome and beautiful and smart , they can't even properly function around you

You had not been part of their original plan who was more about revenge , but you now definably were

People who flirt with you? Well they are instantly befriended and added to the friend group

The plan is to kill all of them , along with Sydney and her friends

You were in one of Stu's classes since forever and he always thought you were super cute when answering questions

But his obsession with you started later on when Billy talked to him about you

Billy had officially met you when he was running of from class , and bumped into you causing all your books to fall on the floor

He helped you pick them up and you smiled at him and he knew

" he has the most beautiful eyes , and his notebooks are all covered in little drawings. Also have you noticed him in class , how cute he is??"

Billy was rambling on and on about you , a thing unusual for him

And then Stu started noticing you more. In class and in the breaks.

They are stalkers

My boys will be following you home , knowing everything about you

Billy very strategically plans about how to approach you

When you all do end up getting together(how could you say no to those beauties and even if you could, they'd threaten you ) it is a mix of amazing and horrible

They cater to your every need. Stu is very rich , so you will miss nothing

They study with you

Or at least they'd try until Stu got bored and now somehow you all are in the kitchen eating

Is anyone annoying you? No , not anynore

They are willing to take it to the extremes for you, killing , stealing, vandalizing, the whole packet

You will never have one moment of peace with those boys. Not. One

They will excitedly support you to your studies and let me tell you , the praise you get every time you do good on a test , makes it all worth it

Sleepovers at Stu's

Billy is willing to give effort to school work , so maybe sometimes he will ask you to help him with something

You end up making out

Every single time

All of you watch unhealthy amounts of horrors together

Even better if you are the scared type , since they have you nestling in their arms in no time , your head buried at their chest in fear

They would be the type of yanders to kidnap you , but they wouldn't really have to , since they are more than capable at flirting

Now ,the bad stuff

Extremely jealous, I don't think you can even speak to male teachers , without them fantasizing about killing the person

Super clingy and obsessed, you will not be going out on you own or with friends

Expect being constantly checked and spied on by those bitches

Istg they have no idea what personal space means

Diaries , assignments and all are not hidden from them

You will be desperately trying to pay attention to school and they will be right there , talking , laughing or touching you

Their presence is so addictive , you find yourself unable to concentrate when reading if none of them is there , and there is no way in hell you are sleeping without their touch/ voice

You're cooked. I'm sorry

[anne-bsd-bibliophile]

Retrogression by Dazai Osamu

Translated by A. L. Raye

"He was not an old man. He was only around 25 years old, but at the same time he was, undoubtedly, an old man. For every year that a normal person lived, this old man lived it three times over." - Dazai Osamu, "Retrogression"

"And so, through Dazai’s own efforts, I hope that a day will come to pass where Dazai’s work will be instinctively understood by a great many people." - Satō Haruo, "A Respectable Yet Tormented Soul: Regarding Dazai Osamu"

"Having been metaphorically torn apart by his critics, every time he finished writing anything - anything at all - regardless of public opinion, the wounds of his humiliation would ache more and more, so keenly and so painfully, that the unfulfilled hollow in his heart spread further and deeper until finally, he died. He was deceived by the illusion of a masterpiece, enchanted by an eternal beauty, carried away by a fever cream and ultimately couldn't even save himself..." - Dazai Osamu, "Retrogression"

"I’ll stab him! I thought. What an absolute scoundrel! It didn’t take long however before I suddenly felt the hot and twisted love you bore towards me, an intense love which reminded me of Nellie from Dostoyevsky’s Humiliated and Insulted, a love that I felt deep within my heart. No. No, how could this be? I couldn’t believe it, I shook my head but that love of yours, concealed behind that cold exterior, felt Dostoyevskian in its deranged passion and made my body burn feverishly at the thought. And of course, you were completely unaware of any of this." - Dazai Osamu, "Letter to Kawabata Yasunari"

"Don’t say behind someone’s back what you can’t say to their face. I followed this principle and for that I was thrown into the looney bin." - Dazai Osamu, "Human Lost"

"Somebody put a live snake in my letterbox. I’m furious! This must be the work of someone who enjoys making fun of unpopular writers who feel the need to check their letterboxes twenty times a day. I was in a strange mood after that, and spent the rest of the day in bed." - Dazai Osamu, "Diary of My Distress"

"I’m jumping at shadows. I feel like my body has been ground up and picked clean, right down to the bone." - Dazai Osamu, "Human Lost"

"It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It really wasn’t supposed to be this way. You of all people should be clearly aware that being a writer exists within a perpetual state of ‘foolishness’." - Dazai Osamu, "Letter to Kawabata Yasunari"

"The cicada realised in the afternoon that it was going to die soon. Ah, it would have been better if I had been happier! I should have fooled around more, with nary a care in the world. Oh, do forgive me, I just wish to fall asleep among the flowers." - Dazai Osamu, "Human Lost"

"He has the kind of romantic spirit of a selfish, good-for-nothing wastrel, but more than that, he has let this seep deep down into the very marrow of his being. The uninhibited yet fragile self flows out of control, and it is the lot in life of this particular variety of man to continually contemplate himself until his self-awareness becomes intertwined with his bones." - Satō Haruo, "A Respectable Yet Tormented Soul: Regarding Dazai Osamu"

"Now, within the limits I have allowed myself, I believe I have accomplished everything I set out to do. As for the rest, I calmly entrust myself to fate." - Dazai Osamu, "January Letter to Satō Haruo from Dazai Osamu"

From the Introduction by translator A. L. Raye:

"This book aims to piece together the fractured and disorderly lifestyle of one of history's greatest romantics and pairs it with a particular moment in his life; losing the Akutagawa Prize. The ensuing drama that unfolded through private letters, newspaper articles, diaries, obituaries, and fiction created a scandal that disturbed the early Showa literati with its coarse and indecent honesty. Dazai's fiction, fiction about Dazai, speculation and reality intertwined to create an explosive event that not only changed the desired trajectory of his life but also raised issues of discrimination within prominent literary circles and the treatment of mental illness in 1930s Japan."

"If we encounter Dazai without taking into account modern ideas of disability, there is a danger we might subject him to the same myth-making mindset that surrounds Van Gough; that of a tortured genius who needed to suffer for his art - or, perhaps more accurately, for our entertainment."

"Dazai was a complicated man, a man who couldn't even decide for himself who he was."

Retrogression also includes annotations and background information on every story, letter, diary, and eulogy, adding history and insights that are difficult to find available in other English translations so far.

You can find more information and free translations on Yobanashi Café. Retrogression is available for purchase in either paperback or eBook format on Amazon.

[ih34rt-lanceystrxlly]

Read Your Diary

table of contents/pairing: max verstappen x reader

summary: he needed to find a way to get inside of her, for ever and ever and ever.

warnings: obsessive behaviour, emotional manipulation, borderline stalking and an overall toxic dynamic with an oblivious Y/N, use of explicit language, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, kids), p in v, breeding kink if you squint. I absolutely do not condone any form of emotional manipulation or toxic relationships. This is a work of fiction and most definitely not a reflection of this person's real actions or personality.

message from A☆: Hey !! So recently I've been reading a lot of dark fics so I wanted to try and write one of my own. This fic has the same structure as Chewing Cotton Wool, and this (Read Your Diary) is one of my fav Måneskin songs, and I put A LOT of effort into it. Btw, I didn't use the whole song ! I only used the lyrics that I felt resonated with the storyline I wanted. (I fully went in and edited the smut part I AM SORRYYY) I hope you enjoy...

P.S, try and spot the song references throughout the fic !!

Brought you some roses, you didn't take them So I shed a tear

He was just trying to be nice. That's what Y/N thought. She'd been working as Christian Horner's secretary for only a couple months now, and his star driver had quickly taken a liking to her. But who could blame him? She was young, a few years younger than him, and absolutely gorgeous. Max would send her a bouquet if her favorite flowers every single race weekend, and in the beginning she'd never take them. How did he know what her favorite flowers were? He had his ways...but she always refused them. Little did she know, Max was watching from down the hall, sometimes he'd shed a few tears over it. After what was probably the millionth time he'd left her flowers, she finally took them. She figured he was just trying to be nice, make her feel welcomed, that's what she kept telling herself. And in that moment it was like something snapped in Max's head: he had to have Y/N, and when he did he'd keep her forever and ever and ever.

Pouring some champagne over your panties So that we can cheers

They were at a party after the race, she was getting absolutely shit-faced drunk. Y/N was wearing a short, sparkly party dress, the light catching every fleck of glitter as she moved. She danced the night away, downing drink after drink. That's when she bumped into Max, his glass of champagne pouring all over the front of her dress.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry schatje (little treasure)...let me help you." Max grabbed a napkin, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her in closer to wipe her off. He knew this was a bit risky, but Y/N wasn't refusing his touch.

"Maxie...hi!" She giggled drunkenly leaning into his touch. This was perfect. Max tried his best to wipe her off, but her dress was still sticky with the fizzy fluid.

"Y/N, darling, you should get changed...your dress is in no condition to stay on your body." He smoothed her hair over with one hand, looking into her eyes as she spoke.

"No, im fine Maxie!" She whined. She clearly wasn't, and Max wasn't going to skip out on the chance to be her knight in shining armour; even if in reality he was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Counting the hours, counting the seconds 'Till I can feel your bones

"Oh, but Y/N, liefje (darling), you're too drunk to think straight." His tone had the slightest hint of mockery, but she was too drunk to tell.

"No, Max...I'm perfectly fine to be alone.'' She spoke between hiccups, trying not to stumble over herself as Max led her back to her room.

"No you're not, come on...let me take care of you." There was a certain darkness in his eyes as he spoke. As he led her into her hotel room he had an almost malicious smirk on his face. He didn't want to take advantage of her though, even if he was counting the hours until he could feel her bones beside him. All he wanted was a chance to get closer to her, to get inside her head.

Dance in your shoes, read your diary to Get inside of you, you, you

This was Max's chance. As she peacefully slept he got up and began to go through her things. Her suitcase, her clothes, her purse, everything he could find. That's when he found it: Y/N's diary. He flipped through the pages, taking photos, drowning himself in her words. He knew it was wrong to read her diary, but this was perfect. It was all her emotions, written out in front of him. This was the way, he thought, the way to get to her. Infect her with his love, rot her mind with his sugary sweet lies. He needed her in the palm of his hand.

Forever and ever and ever.

I'm not a coward, I'm not a hero But I can be your toy I'll be the pill that you wanna swallow When you're looking for the joy

Reading her diary had been like dissecting her brain, he learned everything about her. What she liked, what he hated, the things that made her weak in the knees and swoon, and the things that turned her off. He knew just the way to have her at his will, have her wrapped around his finger. And that's exactly what was happening. After weeks of tedious yet discreet manipulation, he almost had her. Max was the one Y/N would go to first when she felt down, when she needed to get something off her chest, when she was excited about something. It was almost like he was her drug, little did she know it was all his fault. But she was too oblivious to realize it. Her friends tried to warn her, but it was no use. He was already getting to her, he'd already turned into her joy-pill.

Cried on your nudes, wearing your perfume Now I taste like you, you, you

This was wrong, so wrong. He knew it. But Max would go to the ends of the earth to even have a small taste of her. He sat quietly outside her apartment building, phone in hand. What a stupid, oblivious girl. She'd left the window wide open as she got changed, Max snapping pictures of her naked body without her knowledge. Once back in his own home, he pulled out his phone to flip through the pictures. Such a pretty, ignorant girl. He felt himself getting harder and harder as he looked at her body in each picture. Max could cry over her nudes, he needed her so badly. He grabbed a small bottle from him bedside drawer: a small travel-spray of Y/N's perfume. Max sprayed his pillow with it every night, craving her scent and body beside him. He decided to take a shower to get his mind off things, but now he practically tasted like her. There was no taking his mind off her now.

Forever and ever and ever

Oh, why don't you give a little love now, baby?

Alone, in the shower Using my left hand so it feels like you

Max had been alone in the shower for about an hour now, jerking his cock to the thought of her. The smell of her perfume still lingered, the mental image of her naked body driving him insane. He needed to have her, he couldn't wait much longer. But he almost had her, she was just within reach. He came with a loud groan, his release coating his own hand. He could only imagine how much better his cock would feel elsewhere; in her hand, her mouth, her pussy...but he had to wait just a little longer.

So please, I'm begging To feel something new

It had been like a predator circling its oblivious prey; she had no clue he already had her in the palm of his hand. She was under the impression that this was what she wanted, this was all out of her own volition. But that was far from the truth. Max was behind it all, meticulously puppeteering her feelings. But she'd never know, he'd make sure of it. As she entered his apartment, the feeling of his hand on her lower back was sending chills through her body, Max smilled maliciously to himself. But he had to make her think she was the one in control, that this was her choice. They walked to his couch and both sat down, their bodies mere millimeters away from each other. He had already brought out a bottle of wine and two glasses for them. They sipped on their drinks and just talked, but behind his blue eyes he was waiting for the perfect window to strike. About 4 and a half glasses in, she'd scooted closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder subconsciously. Now was the moment, thought Max. His hand slipped away to her thigh, slowly rubbing up and down and driving Y/N mad.

"Max..." she whined his name, it was like music to his ears.

"What, liefje (darling), what's wrong?" He had to hide his smirk, the slightest hint of mockery and possibly pity in his tone.

"Fuck...I think I need you..." She was too drunk to think before she spoke, her thighs rubbing together slightly as she yearned for some sort of friction.

"Aww...you need help darling?" He lifted her chin, pulling her in closer. All she could do was nod, letting him pull her in for a kiss.

One thing led to another, and they ended up in Max's bed. She'd practically been begging him to feel something new the whole way there, it's ironic how she thought she was the one in control. Max put her down onto the bed and reached under her skirt to remove her panties. He ran a finger through her folds, collecting her wetness.

"You're desperate me, huh schatje (little treasure)?" He brings his fingers up his mouth, licking them clean. All she could do was whine out a reply, she was desperate. With than Max knelt before her, leaving a trail of kisses up her thighs as Y/N squirmed with anticipation. The feeling of his tongue over her pussy, he ate her out like a man starved. Every moan that rolled off her tongue only riled him up more, he licked every inch of her center and sucked her clit like it was his last meal. As she begged him to let her come, her words caught in her throat with a squeal as he plunged two fingers into her entrance. She wanted to cry, it was all too much. "Aww, you wanna come liefje (darling)?" He smiled up at her and spoke in an almost mocking tone as he worked his fingers in and out of her and rubbed greedy circles on her puffy, overstimulated clit.

"Please, Maxie, please, please let me come...fuck!" She gasped out, her hands tangled in his hair.

"Since you asked so nicely, darling, I'll let you...come all over my fingers..." He sucked her clit and pumped his fingers even faster, pushing her over the edge. He came with a loud, straggled moan, her slick leaking out over Max's fingers and palm. He licked his fingers clean once again, then pulling himself back on top of her.

"You wanna taste yourself schatje (little treasure)? Hm?" He grabbed by the neck, with a rough gentleness, while taunting her with his patronizing tone. He kissed her roughly, Y/N whined at the taste of herself on his tongue and his hand gripping her neck, she needed more. Max was her drug, and she was too far into her addiction.

"Max I fucking need you...please." She reached up and pulled his face back down for another heated hiss.

"Anything for you, liefje (darling)." He smiled down at her, their foreheads touching. This was the moment Max had been waiting for for months, dreaming, fantasizing. He wouldn't wait another minute to make her his. So, he stripped himself of his clothing and Y/N removed whatever was left of hers. He cautiously got on top of her, like she was the most delicate creature on the planet, and aligned the hit tip with her hole. But he wanted to draw this out, so he slowly dragged the tip of his dick along her slit, rubbing it on her clit and then back down. Max could've died a happy man right there, his body hovering over hers as she begged for his cock and trembled.

"Please Max, stop teasing, I need it so fucking badly..." She said in a whiny, needy tone. Seconds later Max was pushing his cock into her, stretching her out as she moaned. He didn't waste a minute, not even allowing her to adjust. It's like a switch kicked off in him, he was feral. He thrust in and out of her at a fast, rough, yet delicious speed. Within minutes of him fucking her she was already a babbling mess.

"Aww, Y/N darling, already too fucked out to speak?" He mocked, deriving a little too much joy from seeing her at his will.

"Maxieee- fuck- 's too good...fucking fuck!" She moaned out, but Max was far from done yet. She felt her walls fluttering around him as his dick twitched, a tell-tale sign they were both gonna come.

"Need to come, liefje? Aww, I'm gonna fill you up so fuck- fucking good. Gonna claim this fucking pussy..." He groaned, feeling his climax reaching.

"Please, Maxie- fuck- need to come so bad, 's too much, fuck- please" She moaned out breathlessly, but she was already gone. The knot in her stomach had already snapped, spilling her slick all over Max's cock. He soon followed suit, his dick twitching inside her and the painting her walls with his come. He took a look down at where their bodies met, smiling maliciously down at the sight of the mix of his and her release leaking out on his cock. He then collapsed on to her with a loud groan, propping himself up on his elbows to look at her face.

"You're mine now...you get that? Or are you still too cockdrunk to understand me?" He spoke in an almost patronizing tone, running a had over her hair; all she could do was nod in her fucked out state. After catching his breath, Max got up and ran over to the bathroom. He came back minutes later, picking Y/N up from the bed. She whined into his neck.

"Come on, darling...gotta get you cleaned up..." With that, he dropped her down into the tub, and he practically worshiped her body. He ran his soapy hands over her whole body, washing off the sweat with the utmost caution. He used a washcloth to wipe the come off her sensitive center, she whined softly at times. But Max was extremely gentle, and when he got her out of the bath and sat her on the counter wrapped in a towel, he took a quick rinse. He then took them both back to the bed, giving her one of his t-shirts to sleep in. She drifted off peacefully in his arms, not knowing what she'd gotten herself into. Now Max had her, he was inside her head. He was going to keep it that way, forever and ever and ever.

[seat-safety-switch]

Lots of people are getting ready to write their first novel. It's a cool thing that the internet wants you to do. I'd never write a novel, me, because everything I write about is old as hell. Wait, it doesn't mean that? And you get super rich from writing them? I've changed my mind.

Here's the thing: if you're going to write a novel in November, maybe start by writing a couple sentences now. This is the closest thing I will ever provide to writing advice, because me giving it is roughly equivalent to taking tips from your dad's alcoholic college roommate about how to operate a pneumatic nailgun. If your ass is going from zero to 50,000 words in a month, y'all are going to end up like those guys who take up long distance running a week before a marathon and whose corpse gets eaten by a dog on a rural running path.

Now, I know what you're going to say: I run in the city, where people restrain their dogs. And great for you, if you can afford that "city running tax" of having to wear underwear and avoid the police, who assume that you must have recently stolen something if you're running anywhere. When you get home, you should write yourself a little diary entry. Maybe ramble about engine swaps for a bit, a topic that anyone can bang out a tight three thousand words on without putting too much effort into it.

If you still need advice on how to make writing work for you, ask someone else. Hemingway used to drink a whole shitload and had a ton of cats. That's not a bad way to start. I don't really know what happened to him, because the library kicked me out before I got to the end of his wikipedia page. I'm assuming everything went great with his writing career after that, and he got the car of his dreams. And so can you!

[azuresage]

It gets talked about a lot but I still can't stop nerding out about Link's characterization in TotK. It's done through his many creative dialogue choices and his expressions of course, but it's also done so subtly through what he *doesn't* say. Notably, he doesn't talk about himself. And this is why nobody recognizes him unless they've already met him. Because he doesn't tell them when they've got the wrong impression of him.

The meme about Link having Tony Hawk syndrome is so real. People will look at him and straight up say, "Wow, you look exactly like Link!" without a hint of irony. Lookout Landing has a detailed picture of his face in their watchtower and the search party still doesn't recognize him. Penn works with Link for a long time and thinks he's unlucky that the Yiga keep "mistaking" him for the Hero (granted, Traysi asked him to deliberately keep quiet, but Penn still didn't put two and two together himself). I think the reason for this, aside from it being really, really funny, is that Link just doesn't talk about himself. He doesn't feel the need to.

Characterization isn't just about what we see a character doing, it's also about how other characters respond to them. Link is so unassuming and humble that he doesn't match people's expectations of what "Link" should be like. The three Gerudo ladies hanging out around Outskirt Stable are one of many perfect examples. Link stands in front of them carrying the Master Sword, but they expect the Hero to be taller than they are, with a giant glowing sword, so they don’t believe it's him. Obviously that's not the reality, but they don't know that. Link doesn't correct them, either. Again, he doesn't feel the need to.

This is also why many NPCs from BotW don't recognize or remember Link. To them, he was just a passerby that did them a good turn once 6+ years ago. Nobody's going to remember a person like that for so long after. They had no way of knowing he was the Hero, unless it came up for story quest reasons. When they hear stories about the Princess's Appointed Knight who woke up from his 100 year nap, defeated the Calamity, and rescued Zelda, they imagine someone larger than life. Then when they see what Link actually is like, they can't put two and two together.

This is true even during the Hyrule Restoration efforts. Link always follows behind Zelda as her shadow, which she notes in her diary, but the people in the stable investigation quests and in Hateno don't recognize him either, even though he went everywhere she did. Link is just that unassuming. He resigns himself to being a shadow, allowing Zelda to take the lead and do as she pleases but always staying nearby to support and protect her. He doesn't need to be recognizable to do his job. And we know from both BotW and now TotK that he's wholly devoted to her. He's content with this. Many people more eloquent than I have spent many paragraphs elaborating on this. I just wanted to focus on what it says about his character.

Link is humble and unassuming, so much so that nobody believes that he's the Hero unless they already know him. He's devoted to Zelda, so much so that he's willing to do anything to chase even a glimpse of her. He doesn't talk about himself or correct people who have the wrong impression of him. He doesn't need to do that to chase his Zelda. He is a person of great humility in spite of his station. I think that's so interesting and neat how the comedy of him being unrecognizable also tells us all this about him. It's also cool how this is only one aspect of him; all the dialogue choices and expressions he makes during cutscenes and actions out in the world show a whole other, lighter side to him that meshes with this. It's all so good. I am in love with it. It always kills me inside when people dismiss his characterization as being nonexistant or flat just because it's not spoonfed to them or when they say Link being unrecognizable is lazy writing instead of a deliberate choice. I am biting and gnawing and gnashing over him and his relationship to Zelda. I love them so much.

[maluuustrawberry]

"My biggest treasure"

(Túlio X Fem!Reader X Miguel)

(The road to El Dorado fanfiction)

{Part. 1}

A/N: HOW NOBODY WROTE A FIC OF RTED?? Don't ask me why, but I really wanted to write a fic about them after watching again. (It's my favorite movie after The Emperor's New Groove) I was undecided which character to write (I love these two so much) so I decided to do both and you readers will decide, {Túlio X reader} will be a relationship between enemies to lovers and {Miguel X reader} will be friends to lovers. You who will decide, remembering that if there is any error, you can correct me. Good reading 🤗.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

It was just another normal day in Barcelona, Spain in 1519, and things weren't looking too good in the city, especially for Isaac, or rather Y/n. As we all know, we were still in the 16th century where theft and machismo were still commonplace. Y/n wasn't like the other women who accepted this quietly and whose only job was to serve her husband and look after the house. She liked to be free and not depend on anyone, earned her own money by disguising herself as a man to work on an export ship, it was her only way of earning money since women weren't allowed in jobs and especially jobs like these. She had to be a man to work and a woman to walk around quietly when she weren't working.

Today you'd find yourself at the market in the center of town, buying your things with the money you'd earned through your efforts, luckily in the eyes of others it was your "husband's" money.

You were at the fruit stand choosing apples to buy and take home, until a man bumped into you by "accident," he was thin, tall, wearing a blue shirt, his black hair was tied up in a ponytail:

“Sorry, Señorita.” The man said as soon as he bumped into her and continued on his way in a hurry.

You were a clever woman, and the way he bumped into you in such a hurry made you suspect what he was about. You quickly put your hand in the pocket of your dress where your money bag and your diary should have been, which was one of your most precious possessions, and unfortunately they were no longer there, the only thing that went through your mind was that you had been robbed by that man. It wasn't going to stay that way, you wasn't going to lose the money who had fought to get and the diary that belonged to your father:

“Hey! Come back here!”

You spoke to the thin man and he accelerated his steps. You had no choice but to go after him, passing through the crowd of people and not letting him out of your sight. As soon as you were out of the crowd, he started running and you ran after him. The brunette didn't expect you to react, after all he thought you were like all the women he'd stolen, little did he know that he'd messed with the wrong woman.

You kept running after him, turning corners and entering the streets where he passed, there was no point in calling the guards since there were none around, only the people around, but you knew that if you asked for help no one would help.

The thief had an idea to lose her. As soon as he turned the corner, he knocked over the barrel of fish when no one was watching, the ground was wet and sticky, as soon as you passed, you overbalanced because of the slippery ground, tried to hold on to the other barrel so as not to fall, but failed, the barrel containing dead fish spilled on you and making you slipped on the ground and fell. Luckily, no one was around, not even the vendor responsible for delivering the fish, the poor woman was all wet and stinking of dead fish. The thief watched the whole scene from seated on top of the wall and laughed:

“I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, lady. Looks like someone's going to have to pay for that...” The skinny brunette laughed and teased you by showing you the bag of money he had stolen in his hand. “...and you need a bath too.” He added, grimacing.

“You little fucking thief! You'll be dead when I get my hands on you!” She tried to get up, but slipped once again, drawing laughter from the man.

“Wow, I'm scared to death of a girl who stinks of fish.” He sneered as he analyzed the old diary in his hands.

“At least give that notebook back.” Y/n said angrily.

“There must be something very important in there for you to run after me and dirty yourself with dead fish over a notebook...”

He smiled and put the notebook in his pocket:

“Adiós.” He jumped over the other side of the wall, taking your notebook and your money.

You finally managed to get up, cursing that damned thief, you'd try to catch him next time, that's for sure. You were angry not only because you had lost your money but also your father's diary, in that diary there was a lot of information about the legendary city of El Dorado, your father was obsessed with finding that city and when you were little, before he died he gave you that diary, which has now been lost by that thief...

You were upset with yourself for that. As soon as got up, you quickly left the place before the vendor saw that you were responsible for the mess and made you pay dearly for it, probably more than half your salary for those fish.

Luckily, your house was nearby. On the way there, there were murmurs, ugly looks and disgusted faces about you, after all, you stank and looked awful. When got home, you immediately took a shower to get rid of the smell. While was showering, you cried with anger and sadness, but you tried to stay in a good mood, because you was going to work that afternoon. It probably wouldn't be so easy to get rid of that fishy smell...

~ {Pov} Tulio:

I couldn't stop laughing as I remembered that girl's fall after stealing from her, she was such a fool to think she could catch up with me. I went over to Miguel who was attracting the others to our bets, the blond was playing his mandolin to attract more people, he immediately stopped and his attention went to me when I arrived:

“Where were you? Did you get anything?” He asked and I handed him the girl's money bag and the diary. “Wait a minute, why the diary?”

“I don't know, I just stole it from a girl and it looked like something really valuable to her, maybe there's something in there.”

I know Miguel is curious, so he put the diary in his pocket and put the girl's coins in the pile of money on the floor:

“Why are you keeping that?” I asked.

“As you said, there must be something important, it's not every day that a girl can read or write.”

“I think it's a waste of time reading that witch's diary... It's probably just girly stuff.”

I helped him attract more people, we had a lot of money from the bets, and all thanks to our addicted data. Before Miguel could open that girl's old diary to read what was in it, three men came up and decided to bet, but in exchange for money it would be for the map of El Dorado. They're seriously going to bet on a map of a city that doesn't even exist!? Miguel soon became very excited about this, he always wanted to live an adventure and believed in these legends. Before I could say "no" to their offer, Miguel pulled me close to him to take a closer look at the map:

“Just a moment, gentlemen...” I said and joined the blond, analyzing the map with him.

“Tulio, look... El dorado! the city of gold... it could be our destiny! Our future!”

“If I believed in destiny, we wouldn't be playing with loaded dice!” I whispered to him, of course I thought this idea was ridiculous, I wasn't going to give up everything because of a map. Miguel made that sad dog face at me. “Don't make that face! No! No...”

“So, do we have a deal?” The man asked and Miguel kept looking at me with that face, I can't believe I'm going to do this...

“All right, let's start.” I started to shake the dice to play, there was no way we could lose that bet with our dice, but the man interrupted me.

“Wait, not with those, this time we use my dice...” Miguel, you pay me... “Got a problem with them?”

He showed us his dice. I had no choice but to accept or else they would suspect that our dice was loaded. I took the dice from him and turned to Miguel, making that sign by putting my index finger to my throat:

“I'll kill you!” I muttered between my teeth to him. He kept smiling and went back to playing his mandolin.

“That come on baby, papa need that crappy map” I said to myself as I shook the dice and blew a little for good luck. “Come on... Show me seven...”

I threw the dice that rolled across the floor, hoping to get the number I asked for. The first dice landed on four and the third on three:

“Seven!” Miguel and I celebrated happily, Miguel picked up the map and I bent down to pick up the money that was on the floor. “Well, nice doing business with you...”

My dice fell to the ground, giving the number seven. The man picked up the dice and threw them several times, but they gave the same number:

“I knew it!” the man exclaimed angrily and everyone looked at us suspiciously and angrily. “Your dice was loaded!”

Now was the time... I have to play the game. I held your mandolin, stopping it from playing and looked at Miguel:

“What?! You give me a loaded dice?!”

“You dare to impune my honor!?” Miguel got into acting, Also pretending. “The dice was yours! You were the one cheating and stealing from those men!”

The guards were close, Miguel grabbed the sword of one of the guards and I did the same, then we started to fake a sword fight, fortunately everyone was believing, it was a good opportunity for us to escape from that situation.

~ {Pov} Y/n:

I was at work, pretending to be a man and loading the export food onto General Cortés's ship, which was going on a trip in search of El Dorado as well. Fortunately, I was going on this trip to take care of the ship's cargo, at least one trip to make up for the horrible day I'd had. But now I have to be as careful as possible or I'll be discovered, since I'll be around men twenty-four hours a day... My back was already starting to ache from this, so I stopped for a while to stretch until one of the men called out to me:

“Are you tired yet, Isaac?” That was my male alias, sometimes it's hard to get used to being called by that name. “I need help with the apples.”

He pointed to the large basket of apples. Holy shit...

“Sure, I'll be right there.” I smiled and forced my voice to sound more masculine.

I helped him carry the big basket and we put it on top of the two barrels that were on the lower deck of the ship:

“That's all for today, we're leaving now.”

He spoke punching me on the shoulder and left the deck. As soon as he had left me alone there, I lay down on the wooden floor, tired, and took a deep breath. I felt the ship moving, we were leaving now and starting our journey. As I was going to be on deck for a long time, I decided to take a break and sleep, after all, I deserve a bit of rest.

I kept thinking about the diary that had been stolen, of course I know a lot of things in that diary from having read it so many times, but it was something of value to me, it was my father's. I felt quite down when I remembered that diary. I was looking forward to it too, after all I would get to see the city of gold, but something was bothering me, something was telling me that I didn't want it to be this way... I felt my eyelids getting heavy and the tiredness getting stronger, and it wasn't long before I fell asleep.

*****

I woke up a little lost in time, wondering how long I had slept, sat up stretching my back and yawning, until my attention went to two voices on the deck.

“One... two... three...”

“One... two... three...”

I don't recognize anyone with those voices, and they were inside the deck, but how? If I'm the only one here:

“Let's go again... one... two... three!”

The voices were coming from the two barrels, and I worried that they might be thieves who had sneaked onto the ship. I got my sword ready and went over to the barrels that were being covered by the apple box, they were trying to get out, but the big heavy box was preventing them from doing so... I was curious to know who they were, anyway I was going to report them to the captain and the general.

I helped, taking the heavy box off the barrels with a lot of effort. Hell, I've never picked up something so heavy... as soon as I did, two men pushed the lid off the barrels and came out, immediately startled to see me. I pulled out my sword and pointed it at them, the first man was a blond man with medium hair wearing a red shirt, the second man... my eyes went wide, I immediately recognized him, he was the man who robbed me!

To be continued...