#i do like learning i just can’t deal with the full time college thing…

[victorianboyfriend]

i don’t think i can do this anymore seriously

[copperbadge]

Before I left for vacation I did my usual “tidy for the petsitter” routine, and there was some paperwork that I thought should probably get put away, so I stashed it in a storage bin I had out. Because I know me, I put a note in my to-do list for when I got back that said “There’s important stuff in the bin, remember to go get it.”

So I did, but I thought I should deal with the other stuff in the bin too, and I’ve just been popping the lid and dealing with one or two things every time I go past it. Most of it is paperwork, and I’ve just hit some records from high school that my mother recently gave to me without either of us going through them.

There’s a bunch of report cards, which are heartbreaking and hilarious. I graduated a semester early and my last semester was cleanup -- two classes to complete graduation requirements and one to maintain status as a “full time” student. Two were math-based which I was notoriously bad at, and sure enough at the midterm I was getting a D+ in one and a C- in the other. We’d just begun digital grade recording, so the teachers would keep their grades in a paper book and then log into an extremely basic database and enter the grades, which would spit out on our printed report cards. They could put in a grade plus three “codes” which would print next to our grades as status updates, stuff like “disruptive in class” or similar. 

My English course, in which I was getting an A, said “Exceeding expectations” which was kind of Mr. G because I remember him and his expectations were exceptionally high for me. 

The other two have the same catechism: Missing Assignments, Does Not Pay Attention In Class, and of course...Achievement Not Up To Ability. Guess now we know why. 

Reading through these old cards with the cushion of time, it’s fascinating to see my young brain at work. My math and (math-based) science grades tank so hard, at the same time I was getting As or Bs everywhere else -- history, civics, econ, english, spanish. There are documented questions about whether I’m going to pass enough math to graduate high school, dated the same semester as my perfect Verbal SAT score and my fives in AP Comp and Lit. The first semester after I was put into the Gifted program, I failed Remedial Algebra.  

I did say at the time, to my mother and my teachers, there’s something wrong here. My mother, in her defense, had her hands full with my brother; my teachers just didn’t know what to do with me. The school district was broke and didn’t have disability testing available. By the time I got to college I’d simply internalized the idea that I was a neurotypical kid who got stubborn when asked to do something I found pointless and boring, and that was a personality flaw to be corrected, not a symptom of something bigger. My therapist for my last few years of high school agreed, and thought I should probably learn more anger management techniques. Although it turns out you can’t breathing-exercise your way out of undiagnosed ADHD. 

In any case, here in 2023, there’s no solution or tidy resolution or anything to be done about it, it just is what it is: a sheaf of paper from the late 90s about a smart fuckup who could have used a hand. I’m here now, alive and employed and medicated and a homeowner, so it’s a bunch of numbers that don’t mean anything. I’ll scan them into my digital archive, then toss the paper and never look at the archive again, probably. 

Achievement not up to ability. Boy, no kidding. 

[dairy-farmer]

In the UK the Public Schools (extremely prestigious private schools) had a system called fagging, in which young students would act as servants for the upper years. It was rife with sexual abuse.

Tim becoming the pet of the Wayne family at Gotham College, an extremely expensive public school in England. They’re in the same House, and Dick is head of his house, and he sees this kid join and just decides ‘he is mine now’ — and so Tim becomes his personal valet, he had to spend every moment outside of class with Dick, serving his every whim.

Can’t think do much more detail, just Tim being the free use boy of the Wayne family at this school, all of them using him — and when Dick graduates he’s still used by Jason, and when Damian joins and Tim’s one of the upper years now, he’s still Damian’s pet to be used however he wants.

Also maybe Bruce is headmaster? His sons bring Tim for them all to use at the same time?

👀👀👀👀!!!!!!!!

i LOVE the idea of dick having singled tim out, that he'd seen him along with all the other sweet and pretty cheeked new students and decided in that moment to make him his. more than a few other boys in dick's year had their sights set on tim but being head boy and the adopted son of the headmaster meant no one tried challenging him for the sweet boy that looked like a trembling rabbit as he stood beside his bed with red eyes, staring forlornly down at his trunk full of clothes.

by breakfast the next morning dick has learned everything there is to learn about the sweet boy picking at his breakfast. it's apparently his first time in a boarding school, his parents were businesspeople and his father had political aspirations that had been steadily growing over the past few years. all alone, no siblings, and having to make new friends at an entirely new school. no wonder he was such a trembling little thing. dick could see the misery that painted his sweet face all the way from his end of the table.

the poor thing. all alone. scared. far away from home. he looked like he could use a friend. a friend like dick.

dick is right.

the boy leaps at the opportunity to have dick's company. and his protection because a few of the other boys that were interested couldn't help pinching and cornering the boy- he was just too sweet. or at least that's what they said and dick had to admit- for once, those other boys were right.

tim is a soft, plush in all the right places. dick doesn't even mind kissing him on the mouth because tim tastes like candy. the best surprise of dick's life had to be when he worked tim's pants off and was greeted by a pink, peachy little cunt. dick didn't even try to hold back, shushing tim's whimpers and kissing his soft cheeks as he grunted and fucked deep into the hot, welcoming seam of tim. tim doesn't hold grudges and forgives dick easily when he apologizes to tim for his roughness but doesn't swear to not do it again.

not only is tim a nice fuck, he's obedient. he carries dick's books for him, follows him class to class like he's a honey bee and dick is a flower. he hangs onto dick's every word, believes everything he says.

you don't find a boy like tim everyday so dick is absolutely unwilling to lose him. even when he's set to graduate soon, dick is not willing to let a gem like tim get tossed away. he may want to come back to see him and that tight little cunt afterall.

thankfully dick has a brother. he's two years younger and in a different house because he and jason would fight like cats and dogs much to bruce's exasperation.

dick decides to introduce jason and tim to each other because its like adopting out a pet. you can't just dump it out on a stranger or else they'll start scurrying back to the original owner. acting out. peeing on the goddamn carpet and shit.

luckily for dick the meeting goes smoothly and he whistles, happy sipping on a can of contraband soda his sweet younger brother deals out of his dorm while watching timmy whine and arch and gasp under jason who is holding tight to his hips and fucking him with every bit of effort he has stored in his body.

dick goes away to university. of course. but he always makes time to return to his old school to visit dear old daddy, jason, and tim who is one of the small number of students who lives at the school even during breaks.

dick tracks tim down to the headmaster's office and is greeted by the sight of tim, laid out on the desk he's been yelled at across from endless times. bruce doesn't seem to notice or care dick's presence, too focused on fucking his cock into tim's wet hole, slamming into him with thick, wet, 'slaps' and playing with his little baby tits by squishing them in his hands.

oh sweet timmy doesn't look the slightest bit different. his head is hanging off the side of the desk, mouth open and gasping as he gets sharply fucked. he's making little whispers and moans that dick quiets up when he presses his cock to the open mouth, rubbing the head against tim's wet, twitching tongue.

when jason finally graduates their relationship has vastly improved. to the point they can both travel in the same car back to the school to visit bruce and their youngest brother.

their youngest brother who may very well be the most possessive of them all. tim is head boy this year (leaving your pussy open for the headmaster and his sons tends to earn you some privileges) and damian is just a puny little kid attending his first year at a boarding school.

its almost a comical sight. a teenager so much smaller and weaker than tim frantically fucking into his wet, twitching cunt. if damian weren't bruce's son he might very well be in tim's position.

but it seemd like poor sweet timmy would always be on the bottom of the hierarchy. not that he seemed to mind.

tim's hips arched and pressed back against damian, moaning as damian shot off in him again.

teenagers. tim was lucky damian came like a million time in two minutes because barely a few mintes later damian was cumming again, panting and squeezing both of tim's reddened little tits in his palms.

tim's pretty pussy just twitched around damian's cock, swallowing every bit of his load while dick and jason watched, each of them palming their own cocks because it had been too long since they'd fucked their sweet timmy.

their lovely timmy. their beloved little pet.

[hyperfocuscentre]

so following on from this post

more solangelo as parents!

Nico’s job would literally just be doing stuff for Hades. He doesn’t really get payed in the conventional way, but he has access to all Hades’ riches so they live a comfy life.

Will becomes a doctor. I don’t think he went to college or university, mostly because it didn’t appeal to him and the idea of learning something he’d been doing from a very young age felt belittling. Instead, he convinced Chiron to forge him some papers and with a bit of mist manipulation, he got straight into doctor training at a hospital or however that works (foundation program or something?).

They have twins, because I love twins. A girl named Bianca and a boy named Michael-Lee (shut up i think it rolls of the tongue).

ML (i’m not writing the whole name everytime) is trans so he wasn’t always called this, but he wanted a name that was important to his parents and he wanted them to name him so that’s what he ended up with. He loves it, he says it feels like a pop star stage name.

Nico definitely cooks the food, his signature dish is pasta. He makes it from scratch because he says the store packages are disgusting and processed junk.

Will is the one who kisses their injuries and tucks them into bed at night (although Nico obviously says goodnight and love you’s too).

I feel like they both deal with the nightmares but most of the time, it’s Will because Nico is harder to wake up. He sings them lullabies and has actually started to appreciate his voice a lot more because of this. However, Nico can be found sometimes cuddling one or both of the twins close, wiping their tears and even sometimes singing Italian lullabies that he vaguely remembers from his childhood.

I feel like Nico plays rough with them, things like violent pillow fights followed by lots of exhilarated screams and giggles. He’s never too rough though, and he’s never hurt them. He can easily tell when to stop and when it’s time to calm down and take a break.

Nico is the soft touch, he acts like he isn’t but he is. He’ll say snarky things and talk to the twins like they’re adults from a very young age (in a funny way, not a weird way lmao) but he can’t handle seeing them upset or crying. Both of them are very spoiled and any shopping trips with Nico end with them coming back, hands full of toy boxes and faces stretched into beaming smiles.

Will is the more tough parent, but honestly he’s a silly too. He may know how to discipline them when he has to, but he also jokes with them and geeks out over their favourite films and shows with them.

Apollo loves that they have twins, and often compares them to him and Artemis (mostly because Bianca has dark, auburn hair and ML is a blond).

I feel like they live in a white, picket fence area but none of their neighbors like them. They painted the white fence a soft yellow and have a giant pride flag wafting on the front. There’s exotic, brightly coloured plants everywhere and the only reason they live is prayers to Persephone and the fact the goddess herself sometimes visits.

Persephone has basically claimed those kids as her grankids, she loves coming over to play with them and loves that she can without breaking any stupid divine laws.

Hades acts unbothered but he’s been caught smiling softly at the twins or even simply at Nico and Will being disgustingly domestic. His Christmas gifts are always huge and the first thing the twins open.

They tried to take one of those professional family photos when the twins were toddlers; it didn’t go so well. Nico is blinking, Bianca is screaming, Will’s face is basically a blur and ML is growling at the camera but the glint in his eyes says he finds himself hilarious. The photo is hung up above the fireplace.

They join their names which means ML’s name is a mouthful. Michael-Lee Di Angelo-Solace. He probably has a middle name too, although i’m not sure what. Maybe Lester, for the jokes?

[positivexcellence]

‘Walker’: Jared Padalecki on ‘Hot & Heavy’ Cordell and Geri, What’s Next With The Jackal

Finally! You’re back. It’s been forever! And we’re still looking for The Jackal?

Jared Padalecki: Yeah. We had a little five-month time lapse just to allow for all the strike stuff, but it’s still the same storyline. We pick up in the same storyline, for sure, with some time passed. Obviously, Cordell and Geri [Odette Annable] are a little more, um, advanced, than they were. [Laughs] Stella’s [Violet Brinson] back to college, and Augie’s [Kale Culley] back to nearing the end of high school. But The Jackal has reared its ugly head once again, and we got to go figure out what’s going on.

And you’ve been going without Cassie for five months, so it’s you and Trey, which is a pretty cool partnership.

Super cool. Yeah, Cassie was on our FBI task force, and she comes back to let us know what she’s been up to and to kind of say, “Hey, there’s something we might need your help on.” We all love her and miss her and are wondering where she stands. Is she going to stay or go? But Trey and James and Walker have been running amuck in her absence. [Laughs]

And how is her return going to change things? She comes back a little different, too.

She does. She’s had a little different experience and has had a taste of what might be available to her. And she has a different set of expectations. Obviously, she’s welcomed back with open arms from our other characters, but it’s sort of like, “Okay, well, we don’t know where she stands.” We want to be respectful of what she wants and what she needs to do, and we all secretly hope that she’s going to stick around.

And we’ve got a full-blown relationship going on with Geri and Cordi. They’re living together. How’s that going?

Yeah, I think it’s going well. They seem to be hot and heavy, and I’m glad that nothing happened in the five months between the wedding and Episode 401 to kind of sideline that. But that’s not to say that something won’t sideline that within Season 4. [Laughs]

Of course! Because he’s taking on this case, dealing with a serial killer, and I’ve watched enough TV and movies to know that when the good guys take on a serial killer, serial killers tend to target the people their pursuers love most.

You’re too good at this, Damian. [Laughs]

So this is putting a target on a lot of people?

Oh, yeah.

And how will Geri factor into this? Because you can’t just have her hanging out at the house. What is she going to get to do?

Well, good point. She has some stuff of her own going on this season that she needs to care of. And let’s just say that Walker has never been the best about admitting what is going on in his head. Probably something that the astute writers have noticed about [me] and just weaved into Cordell. [Laughs] But we certainly see Geri as sort of a grounding force and guiding light who is trying to figure out things like, “Well, these characters seem to be different, and this person isn’t really responding the way I expected or when I expected.” So we kind of see her as the lighthouse that’s saying, “Hey, you seem to have stuff going on.” Meanwhile, she’s also juggling kind of new responsibilities with Augie and Stella. Stella’s an adult and Augie’s almost an adult, so she’s not overbearing by any means, and she’ll always be “Aunt Geri” to some degree, but she’s taken on a lot and is doing it very well.

We see Stella relying on Liam (Keegan Allen) during all the trauma that she’s dealing with following the home invasion. Will Geri help out with that? Because I feel like Stella definitely at this point needs a mom.

Yes, she does. And Stella has a great arc this season. Let’s just say that many times this season, people accuse Stella of being just like her father. [Laughs] Oh, yeah. Stella is great at keeping secrets as well and keeping struggles to herself. So just like Walker has a tough time reaching out for help, we think Stella may have unfortunately learned that from her dad.

And how is Walker going to handle the fact that his daughter has been counting on Liam with all this stuff that’s been going on and he hasn’t been brought into the loop?

I think he understands more. Unlike prior seasons, I think Walker understands that his daughter’s now an adult, even though he doesn’t like it. It’s new for him. He spent 18 years with his daughter as his child, and now he’s kind of a year or two in to his daughter being an adult and able to make her own decisions. She needs to be responsible, and so I think Walker gives Stella a little leeway, hoping that she’ll remain the kind of stalwart that she’s always been. And then I think he realizes that maybe even though she’s surrounded by friends and family who are there for whatever she needs, that maybe she has a little bit too much Cordell Walker inside of her.

And Augie going into the military? This is a big step for a young man, and as much as a father would want his son to follow in those footsteps, it’s also like, this is a very dangerous line that he wants to get involved with.

For sure. Augie is coming into his own and has some ideas. He’s always been the kid who wanted to grow up a little bit too fast. And frankly, with the passing of his mom and his father being a Texas ranger who’s been abducted and had the house broken into and kind of always been in danger, I think he grew up long before the prospect of turning 18. But he wants to prove that he is an adult in his own right and that he has these ideas about how to secure his future. So Walker is trying to walk that line between, “I know you’ve been through a lot, you’ve been through more than most 70 year olds have been through,” and “Let’s tap the brakes, buddy.” And this is not disrespectful. This is my job as a dad, but I think also Walker finds that, because his profession is in law enforcement, sometimes he can come across a bit more harsh than he intends to.

Understandable, since it’s his kid! I will say, at the beginning of the season, this is probably the happiest we’ve seen Cordi. He’s eating a massive amount of steak. He’s in love again. He has put the ghost of his late wife to rest. The kids are growing up, he’s kind of reclaiming his own life again. Can he have this all, can he be happy?

Oh, Damian, you know TV better than that! Hell no. [Laughs]

He can have a lot sometimes and some a lot of times, but one of the things that [showrunner] Anna Fricke and I talked about from the get-go was trying to make sure that this version of Walker was more similar to life than just a TV version of a [person]. We never sought out to go like, “Well, it’s the end of episode, I roundhouse kicked somebody and now everything’s okay. Let’s all high-five!” This is more like, “Well, what did I miss while trying to get the bad guy? Oh, I missed my daughter’s graduation. Oh, I missed her birthday. I missed this. Oh, I didn’t call back my live-in partner that I was supposed to.”

And so there’s no pure win and there is no pure loss. So I think with Walker, though happy now, his life happens in seasons and not like TV seasons. Walker’s had some hard times and now is an easy time, but life is difficult, and Walker finds that out.

Still, it’s nice to see him getting to enjoy being the hero he is more than usual. Especially with Captain James. This season, the drama is his and Cordi gets to be there for him and support him.

Yeah. That is very true, and it’s great. Yeah, I agree all around. I think Walker is going to find out who he is in good times, which he hasn’t had a whole lot of chance to explore yet. And as with anything, if you haven’t had a lot of experience, you might not be as good at it as you would’ve hoped. We’ve all seen that Walker can be great in times of struggle. He’s had some reps in the gym as far as that arena goes. But let’s see who he is when there’s no bad guy to chase right now — especially when that bad guy might be strengthening themselves in preparation for when the Rangers come after them.

Before you go, was there anything that you’ve gotten to do this season that you just are so excited for people to see?

Big time. We’ve had a lot of fun, fun stuff. There’s something, unfortunately it’s the finale, so I can’t talk about it—I’ll call you privately [Laughs]—but I will say, in the first episode, we have a really fun sequence. We got to do a car-chase sequence in the back of a big rig.

And funny behind-the-scenes fact that no one knows about: During the Longhorns playoff game on New Year’s Day, I was walking around barefoot, my brother and his kids were over, and they were all playing and stupidly, I grabbed a piece of pizza and tried to run back to the couch to watch the game and I kicked my coffee table on accident! So I had a broken toe for the first three episodes and before shooting that sequence and for a couple episodes after, I would have to ice my foot, throw a sock on real fast, shove it into my cowboy boot, and run around park garages and throw myself around. Yeah, so that was fun. [Laughs] We laughed about it afterwards, but it was just hard to get the boot on and off.

They couldn’t shoot around the boot?!

I didn’t want to complain. We’d all been out of work for nine months because of the strike and everything. So I was like, I got it. I’m not going to complain about this. The show finally can go on, and I’m going to go like “Ouch, my toe hurts”? No, thank you! [Laughs]

TVInsider

[ryuichirou]

If the twst boys go to a regular, non magic college in our world, what do you think their majors would be?

This is an interesting question, Anon, and it was surprisingly difficult to come up with majors for some of them. I���m not sure some of the boys would even be interested in getting higher education, and also spoiler alert we have a lot of business people out there lol But I tried to make it as interesting as I could.

I’ll also note that it’s a bit difficult to speak about this in English, because I don’t know what certain majors are called and what kind of options there are, so I’m sorry if I name some of these incorrectly.  

Riddle – this one is easy, he would go to medschool! This is what his mother and father want for him after all. But he wanted to study law…

Ace – something that he isn’t very interested in, something that’s like “I guess that’d be a good major to build a career in the future”. He is the type that either drops out or pushes through despite being super disinterested in his major and kind of annoyed by the whole thing. Business? PR? Management? Something that sounds impressive but that’s about it.

Deuce – honestly I can’t see him as anything other than a police school student. He wants to get a good education, but if there is an opportunity for him to go straight to action and prove himself to be a better person, he’ll dive right into it. Maybe Ace will join him?..

Trey – culinary school is an easy answer, but Trey really seems to love this field, so he’d probably study to become a pastry chef. Well, he would become one either way, but Trey would probably try to learn as many traditional and innovative techniques as he can to actually improve.

Cater –  I’d say PR, he just has the vibes of a PR student. I’ve seen those lol Cater isn’t really passionate about it, but hey, it’s a good place to make connections. Also!! Maybe journalism. Yeah, that makes more sense.

Leona – Public Administration or anything Politics related. He would do better as a Philosophy/History major, but he would go with the default option for his family.

Ruggie – he would google best majors for a lucrative career lol So maybe some kind of Business/Management, but also anything Tech related is super lucrative, so he might at least try to apply there. But also also, nursing is apparently on the list of good major options in that sense, so he might actually try that. To be a private nurse for some rich old fart seems like an easy deal for him.

Jack – I’m sorry, I can’t think of anything other than him being a skiing instructor, and I don’t think one needs to have a major for that career path… is there some crucial part of Jack lore that I’m missing?

Azul – oh, Business/Marketing. Specifically something related to owning and running a restaurant or a hotel. But at the same time he could also study Law and even go to the Culinary school… Azul is absolutely going to take all the extra courses that he possibly can.

Jade and Floyd – probably Business as well, both because they could hang out with Azul and because their pops actually wanted them to study there. But if they had full freedom to pick whatever major they want, Jade would probably either study Botany or Pharma. And Floyd would pick his major randomly, because he’d be equally good/bad at anything he picks, and he’d get bored by it in a week anyway lol

Kalim – also Business??? Since his family is a merchant family, there are a lot of things Kalim needs to learn. But he would rather study something that’s more easy and fun… something related to art!

Jamil – realistically, either Business or PR. But that’s too many business PR people woah, so ehhh I guess… you know what? Psychology. I can’t even explain this one, but Jamil would absolutely benefit from studying it + I think it would actually be interesting for him.

Vil – acting/film/theatre school sounds like a given, but I feel like Vil would avoid those for some reason (and if you asked him, he would give you a rant about his reasons); so instead it’s going to be either a Fashion major or anything Chemical Engineering/Pharma related. He wants to get better at his craft, but he also wants to learn new things.

Rook – this guy is full of surprises, he could go anywhere and succeed, he’s perfect in arts and in science. I feel like he would pick science though, so any kind of Science major, maybe also Chemical Engineering. But also? A part of me wants to make him a Sociologist because he is hella nosy like all the sociologists are (me included).

Epel – this one puzzles me… if you think about it logically, he might pick something that could be useful for his family, but then we’re entering the Business territory again and it’s way too crowded lol  Plus, I don’t think Epel would go for that one. I actually… have no idea?? Wow this is embarrassing… He’d go for something totally masculine though, like being a carpenter, but for some reason would end up in stuff like fashion without realising how hard it actually is lol 

Idia and Ortho – easy, IT or any other tech-related major. But they would also probably be too good for school, because Idia is a genius and Ortho learned from him (if he isn’t a robot in this universe…). That being said, Idia would probably finish a 6 years course in like half a year and get his degree almost instantly, and Ortho could drop out at some point and switch to the Film major instead. 

Lilia – my first thought is that “he wouldn’t go to school”, but actually? He could spend a couple of years studying anthropology, I feel like it would be a fascinating field to him, and not as upsetting as history.

Silver – whatever father picks for him. But also probably nursing and no it’s not related to the previous reply that we’ve just posted 😭 I just think Silver would be legitimately good at it.

Sebek – this one goes straight to the military school lol But if I have to pick a major for him, let’s go with Communications just because he has to learn some, please Sebek!

Malleus – I think he would either study fine arts/history of art or something vague like philosophy or any type of social studies. He is better at grasping concepts than understanding other human beings, so it might actually be interesting to him. Or he could go the history of art major route and just stare at gargoyles for 4-6 years.

[buckleysjareau]

i took the medicine, but i’m up in the middle of the night again

Here’s the thing, Buck has always been an anxious person.

or

An exploration of Buck’s anxiety, accepting help no matter how scary it is, and how the 118 come to help him in their own ways.

READ ON AO3 HERE

Here’s the thing, Buck has always been an anxious person.

Underneath his big, extroverted personality was someone who was constantly overthinking every little thing he said and felt. His mind was constantly a mess of why did I just say that, what did that look mean, where’s the closest exit in case something bad happens and can I sit there?

In high school, when he just could not get himself to focus no matter how hard he tried, those thoughts would slowly get louder and louder and louder until they completely overtook him, drowning out everything else around him until all he could hear and feel was his heart trying to beat through his ribcage. He never seemed to remember how he got to be sitting on the bathroom floor, only ever being able to recall thinking I need to get out, get out, abort.

That call definitely got his parents’ attention.

“You’re skipping class now? It’s that football team, isn’t it? What’s next, selling drugs?”

Maddie finds him that night on his bedroom floor struggling to breathe. She helps sit him up, pushes his head between his knees and tells him to match her breathing. When he’s finally able to breathe in sync with her, he tearfully begs her to tell him what is wrong with him and why this keeps happening.

Having a name to what he was experiencing should have made him feel better, but it doesn’t. Having panic attacks is just another reason on a whole list of reasons why his parents can’t love him.

He doesn’t tell them about his panic attacks and begs Maddie not to tell them either. He makes her pinky swear that it stays between them.

It only happens one more time before he graduates.

He gets accepted into Penn State on an athletic scholarship and finally escapes the suffocating expectations of living with his parents.

He quickly learns that even though he’s not under their roof physically, he still feels stuck there. It’s like his body is at Penn State but his mind never left Hershey.

It’s like he never left.

The overwhelming feeling of having to be perfect or hurt to keep someone’s attention. The constant pit in his stomach and the dread that follows him wherever he goes. The only time he feels even remotely like a functioning human being is when he’s too drunk to forget he has anything else to worry about.

The drinking affects his studies, and his poor studies affects his athletic scholarship, and he’s forced to move back to a place where he has to get himself hurt in order to not feel invisible.

A screaming match with his parents ends with his first panic attack since high school. It’s truly like he never left.

He enrolls in community college just to have something to do so he’s not stuck inside that hell all day. He meets people his second week there and soon enough, his partying habit is back in full force. His parents are beyond angry every time he returns in the middle of the night, but when he doesn’t come home at all for days at a time, they don’t notice his absence. Much like it was when he was growing up.

He uses the tuition money on modifications for his motorcycle and bankrolls a few of frat parties. He’s not surprised when he’s kicked out of that school, but he was definitely sick with anxiety. His parents were going to kill him.

He’s thinking that as a car pulls out and he has no time to brake before he’s crashing right into the car.

The medics bring him to Presbyterian to get checked out, but as soon as they discharge him he gets a ride to his only other option, his safe space, to his sister.

When she turns him away with sad eyes, he has to swallow back his panic. It’s not Maddie’s fault he’s a fuck up. She shouldn’t have to deal with his bad decisions.

He just about manages to stave off a panic attack by the time he needs to face his parents. Then Maddie shows up with a ticket out of here in the form of her Jeep and he feels the weight ease off of his chest.

He’s mad, and he’s hurt, so fucking hurt, when Maddie stands him up with no more than a note but it doesn’t stop him. He leaves in Maddie’s Jeep without her steady, supportive energy next to him. He sits with it for a while and then he starts living.

He still feels anxiety but it’s not consuming him the way it used to. He can do things and it wouldn’t matter because he’d be off in a new city in a few weeks anyway.

—

LA was good for him. The fire academy was good for him.

It was good for Buck.

His first four months as a probie were a little rough, but after his wake up call that came in the form of him getting fired, being fortunate enough to have a second chance, and meeting Abby, it all seemed to settle down again.

Bobby, Hen, and Chimney seemed to fully accept them into their little family and what a concept that was; he had a family.

A family who didn’t look through him as if he was invisible.

They saw him.

Which is why Hen can see through his half-assed ‘I’m fine' when his anxiety is too much to push away, he presumes.

A lot has happened within two weeks and it all seemed to be piling up, one thing after the other and Buck could feel himself slowly losing the tight grip he thought he had on his anxiety.

Abby stops responding completely. Their communication slowly dwindled down to nothing, a short phone call once a day, a text here and there, an update every time she went to a different country, and then nothing. He couldn’t help but obsess over what he could have done wrong. The dread that he somehow messed up, that he wasn’t enough to yet another person, keeps him up at night. He explains away the circles under his eyes by complaining about Abby’s loud neighbors. He thinks they believe him.

Then Eddie Diaz joins and the team treats him like he hasn’t just graduated from the fire academy. It took four months for the team to trust that he knew what he was doing, and it’s Diaz’s first day and they let him lead. He can’t stop from spiraling over the fear that the team won’t think he’s as good as Eddie and that’s all it will take to replace him. He reverts to old habits and lashes out. Fortunately for himself and everyone around them, Buck gets over it after he bonds with him over a live grenade but it does nothing to alleviate his anxiety.

In the middle of all of that, Maddie comes back. The sister he hasn’t talked to in three years. While he’s so relieved to see her, it brings up feelings he had buried deep down. He finds out why he hasn’t heard from her in three years and he has to try with everything in him not to have his first panic attack in years and make it about himself. Because it wasn’t about him.

Then the earthquake happens and he almost loses Hen.

All of the anxiety from the past two weeks starts to bubble over and it becomes harder to hide. He picks at his cuticles until they bleed and finds it hard to stop bouncing his leg even, even — especially — after a sleep deprived Chimney tells him to knock it off when they’re on the way to a call.

Hen notices, of course she does. She hands him a band aid, gesturing towards the cuticle around his thumb starting to drip blood at the look of confusion. He tells her he’s fine with the most convincing smile he could muster.

She lets him think she believes him for the first half of the shift, but after a particularly difficult rescue that leaves Buck shaking and carefully counting his breaths so as to not hyperventilate, she pushes.

He’s pacing back and forth, tugging at his hair with a grip so tight that his curls are messily on show, when Hen finds him.

She’s leaning against the door to the bunk room when he finally sees her. He’s startled enough to lose count on his breathing and that’s all it takes to slip into panic attack territory. His breaths immediately get faster as he tries to force out a lie.

Hen clocked it right away. “Don’t you dare tell me you’re fine right now, Buck. Talk to me.”

“I–I, uh, I ca–” As if that’s easy. “I–”

Hen seems to take pity on him as he starts to hyperventilate.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to talk. Just breathe for me, okay? Can you do that?”

“I can’t b-breathe, I c–”

“Yes you can, Buck. You just gotta slow it down. Just let me count and you follow, okay?”

Buck nods.

—

Hen gets him through that panic attack. He begs her to not tell Bobby about his weakness and no amount of reassurance that it wasn’t a weakness made him back down.

After that, it’s never talked about again.

Not until he finally decides to go therapy and Dr. Copeland suggests that he try medication for his anxiety.

An actual diagnosis. That his therapist highly recommends getting medicated for.

He’s stuck on that fact for days after that session and even Eddie has a hard time getting through to him. He keeps this diagnosis and his contemplation to himself.

Until his parents come to LA and blow up his life.

He has a panic attack in Chimney’s passenger seat and happens to spill his guts in the midst of it.

“There’s nothing shameful about taking medication, Buck. You take medications to improve your physical health, why is it so different when it comes to your mental health?” He gives Buck a pointed look. “And look, after everything this week, a mental breakdown or a panic attack was definitely due but you said yourself, it’s getting to be a frequent thing and it’s affecting your physical health now too. What’s stopping you from at least trying it out?”

“What if it doesn’t help? What if I’m too messed up for medication to cure me?”

What if all he is is just his anxiety and nothing he does will be able to fix it? What if living with this is his big punishment for not being able to save his brother? What if this is all he is and all he ever will be?

“Daniel dying is not your fault, Buck.” Chimney starts off, making Buck realize his spiral was spoken out loud. “And the anxiety you feel? That’s not who you are and that’s not all you’ll ever be. You’re Buck, a damn good firefighter and an even better friend. You deserve to get help, man. Accept it.”

As if accepting help is truly that easy.

“Thanks, Chim.” He mumbles instead.

—

All the medication does is make him more anxious. He feels like he’s going out of his mind and finds himself regretting letting Chimney talk him into getting help.

“That’s not who you are and that’s not all you’ll ever be.”

Doesn’t seem like it to him. Not as he’s on the verge of a panic attack even after taking the medication that would supposedly help him feel less anxious.

He’s halfway through his shift and it’s just past family dinner. He definitely doesn’t want to jinx it but the shift has been relatively not busy so far, however he feels the anxiety of a call gone wrong layered on top of a sense of dread that something will actually go wrong.

His eyes hover over Eddie sitting across from him, book in hand, seemingly immersed in what he’s reading. He tries to pull comfort just from seeing him, knowing that he’s okay, but images of Eddie on asphalt surrounded by a pool of his own blood flash behind his eyes. Blinking rapidly, he tries to pull his attention somewhere else and lands on Bobby at the sink, not paying attention to the glasses he’s washing, instead choosing to look over at Hen and Chimney who are laughing at something Buck couldn’t hear over the sound of his racing heart. All he can focus on is the knife Bobby is so carelessly washing off and what if it slips and hits something serious? What if something can go so horribly wrong just from washing dishes? It’s not the first time something’s happened like that. He can’t lose Bobby because of a simple slip of a knife he was washing. He can’t lose him at all–

He’s pulled out of his spiral by a sting of pain. He looks down at his hands to see his cuticles practically torn to shreds. His anxiety has never made him pick at them as much as it has right then and he’s on medication so obviously the problem was him, he’s not fixable. The anxiety is all he is. The medication isn’t helping. This really was just a perpetual punishment for not being able to save his brother. He’s always going to–

Buck stands abruptly, catching the attention of his team. The only excuse he can think of to not worry them is gotta pee, brb.

He’s too focused on getting somewhere safe he doesn’t have time to cringe at the lame excuse.

The second he’s down the stairs, he stops. He can’t go into the bunk room knowing Harmer is still in there, taking a nap before he loses the opportunity to. He thinks maybe the back of the engine, but someone would hear that door shut and realize he was lying. The only option he found was Bobby’s office.

The second the door is shut, Buck’s body seems to give out from under him and slumps down the side of Bobby’s desk and is powerless to the panic that takes over him.

By the time he’s not actively having a panic attack, he has no idea how much time had actually passed while he was curled in on himself. What he does know is that he feels completely spent and devastated that there was no fixing him. He was broken, cursed to a life full of sometimes debilitating anxiety.

The sob that leaves his throat is completely involuntary and he can’t seem to stop it. He tries to keep his cries quiet so as to not bring attention to Bobby’s office, but little did he know there was already someone right outside.

“Buck?”

He freezes at the concerned voice of his Captain. He can’t find it in himself to find a response so he says nothing at all.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Bobby’s voice is closer now and when Buck looks up, their eyes meet and all Buck can do is shake his head as more tears gather in his eyes.

“I’m not fixable.”

“What are you talking about?” The concern is radiating off of him.

He feels guilty, extremely guilty, for making Bobby feel like this, so much like when he told Chimney all of those weeks ago, he spills his guts.

He’s surprised to find out he feels a little lighter than he felt before and he lets himself accept the comfort of his Captain.

“You’re not broken, kid. We’ll figure it out.”

For the first time, he starts to believe maybe he wasn’t broken.

—

Bobby was a godsend when it came to his anxiety after that.

That morning, after they were done shift, Buck followed Bobby back to his and they came up with a plan and he was filled with hope for the first when it came to his anxiety.

Bobby convinced him to give the medication a little more time to even out before he gives up on it. He’d continue taking it and whenever his anxiety got to be too much, he’d text Bobby or let him know and they would work through it together.

The plan was really utilized the first couple of weeks after he continued his medication. So much so that Eddie started to ask questions. He can only assume that the only reason Chimney and Hen weren’t asking questions was because they already figured out what was going on.

The only answer Eddie ever got from both Buck and Bobby was that there was something Bobby was helping him. Though Bobby tried to convince Buck to confide in him as well, the fact that Bobby even knew was mortifying enough.

Eventually, the meds started to work and he started to level out and things were easier from there on out. Of course, the anxiety still got the best of him after high intensity moments. It was especially bad after Eddie had been shot, released, and recovered. He was still constantly anxious whenever it came to Eddie, but he’s aware that it would have been a lot worse if he wasn’t on them.

The grounding techniques his therapist and Bobby taught him gave him the knowledge on how to help Eddie with his. Even seeing someone else having a panic attack was enough to make him anxious, especially Eddie, but he was able to keep himself calm and help Eddie with his own.

Everything eventually settled down with Maddie and Chimney back in Los Angeles, and Eddie back at work. He often found himself calm and collected more times than not, and that’s enough for him to let himself get comfortable again.

Maybe he let himself get too comfortable.

First Bobby doesn’t consider him for interim captain, and then Len dies in front of him in the middle of telling him the secret to happiness, and then something that should make him feel good like helping someone out to have the one thing they want more than anything only makes him spiral more. He says yes, but then everything in the universe makes it seem like it’s giving him a sign not to do it. He finally makes it but now everyone knows, not just Hen. Bobby finds Wendell, and seeing someone he finds strength in so disconnected makes something hurt in his chest. Kameron and Connor are pregnant and he feels happy for them, he really does but there’s something there that Buck can’t seem to shake.

And then his parents come. Albert brings Chimney’s dad and step mom.

It all starts to feel a little too much to deal with.

He distracts himself by cooking and tries to get Bobby out of his head as well by asking him for advice on what he was missing. It makes Bobby laugh which makes him feel a little bit better.

The anxiety gets a little too much during dinner at Maddie’s when everyone starts fighting about him. It’s at this moment that he realizes with everything going on, the fact that he had to refill his prescription two days prior slipped his mind. He’d taken his last pill three days ago and completely forgot to call in a refill.

He slips out when Maddie comes in with Jee and goes through a grounding exercise. He thinks about calling Bobby but the exercise itself is enough to calm him down enough to reassure himself that it’s okay that he forgot, he’ll just call it in the next day and pick it up before work.

Except that doesn’t happen. He oversleeps and he rushes to work and man, someone must have said the Q word because they barely had a break. By the time he has any time at all to call in the refill, the pharmacy is already closed.

Then they’re called to an apartment fire. Everything feels okay. No sense of dread. Chimney and him start up banter and then he’s up the ladder. Everything is fine.

And then he dies.

For three minutes, apparently. He wakes up in a world that is so much like the one always wanted growing up. Until it isn’t anymore.

Maddie’s with Doug. Bobby is dead.

He doesn’t want to be stuck there any longer.

When he comes to, all he feels is relief to see his sister. His parents are standing over him next to his doctor crying, but all he can focus on is Maddie.

And then he sees Bobby alive and well. That’s enough to calm his racing heart for the moment and everything feels okay.

Until he’s home. His parents went back to Pennsylvania, not before buying him the most uncomfortable couch in existence. He’s carted to doctor appointments after doctor appointments, test after test, and still has no answer on if he’s medically cleared to go back to work. He feels dread about going back to work.

While he appreciates Maddie and everyone’s visits, he’s starting to go a little crazy.

He caves after Sudoku and heads over to Eddie’s.

Eddie’s place is always peaceful. It feels more like home than his own loft.

“Hey!”

Buck steps in as Eddie moves aside to let him. “Please don’t ask me how I am.”

“Kay.” He breathed, amused. “Want a beer?”

“Ah, probably more than one.”

Eddie chuckles, walking away as Buck gets himself comfortable and closes his eyes. “Guess all that company wore ya out.”

And that’s the last thing Buck hears before the exhaustion takes over.

When his eyes flutter open, he notices he’s at Eddie’s house and it’s night time. That’s enough to ground him and make him realize that this was real life, that he wasn’t back in that reality.

There’s something about the way he’s feeling that makes him feel particularly fragile though.

So fragile he almost breaks when Eddie finally asks him how he is.

When Eddie reminds him that he died, and that he’s going to feel a lot of different ways about it, it’s said in a way of comfort but the dread that comes back through his entire system seems to have the opposite effect.

“I found the best way to process it is to allow yourself to feel it.”

“But you, uh, you do eventually right? You process it.” He hopes he’ll get reassurance from his answer.

“Everyday you open your eyes in the morning you feel a little less surprised the world is still there.”

Buck is silent after that. He can’t understand why after all of this reassurance that he would eventually be okay, he can only feel this dread. Something is wrong.

It only hits him as he’s settling back in on the couch, Eddie next to him this time, that Bobby never answered his text from the afternoon.

He texts him again and then settles back as Eddie puts on the TV as a distraction. He’s so grateful for how well Eddie can read him at that moment. Simple, quiet company was what he needed after an entire two days of people coming to constantly check on him.

The distraction worked for a little while, but Buck notices that Bobby still hasn’t texted him back.

Hey Bobby, how are you?

Delivered.

Surprised you weren’t involved in Operation Drive Buck up a wall with visits. Haha

Delivered.

Hey Bobby, haven’t heard from you today. Is everything okay?

Delivered.

Fear floods Buck’s entire body as he begins to spiral about why Bobby wasn’t answering. He was positive he wasn’t back in that coma dream because he was at Eddie’s and it was night time but his mind couldn’t help but spiral there anyway.

Is he back? Is Bobby actually dead and he’s not actually at Eddie’s and it’s all just some weird elaborate dream inside of a dream? Is he out of the coma dream and there is actually something wrong with Bobby? What if the people that killed Wendell killed him, too? His call went straight to voicemail. He’s dead. Bobby’s dead in this life now, too. Why isn’t he texting him back? He always texts him back. Athena hasn’t answered either. What if they’re both dead? He can’t do this without Bobby. He’s panicking right now and Bobby isn’t alive to help him through it this time. Bobby—

“Buck!”

His eyes snap open to find Eddie sitting in front of him on the table and feels a hand on his. He can’t breathe again. His body is shutting down. Did he run out of time? He was stuck in this hell forever. He ran out of time.

“Buck, just keep your eyes on me. It’s okay, I promise, everything is okay.”

“Bobby–”

“Is okay. I’m not so sure about you right now though, so just try to breathe through it with me.”

“No, no, he died. He was dead. He isn’t answering me like he usually does. Something’s wrong.”

Buck felt like he was dying. He’s not so sure that he isn’t. It’s like he’s back there.

“Okay, okay, it’s okay. Hey, Buck, what’s your favorite flavor of Jell-O?”

Through everything, that makes Buck pause. What?

“What are– what are you–”

Dear God, this was the worst panic attack he’s had in a while. Why the fuck is he asking about–

“St–strawberry.” He chokes out.

“Okay, okay, good choice. Buck, I want you to close your eyes for me again, okay? Can you do that?” He shuts his eyes. He’ll do anything to stop this feeling. “I want you to think about your feet, okay, and feel them turn into soft, strawberry Jell-O.”

His eyes snap open. “Eddie–”

“Just trust me. Can you do that?”

He nods and closes his eyes again. Trusting Eddie was as easy as breathing…ya know, when he’s not having a massive panic attack.

“Think about your feet turning into soft, strawberry Jell-O.”

So he does. He doesn’t understand but he does. “You feel that?”

“Yeah.” He chokes out.

“Good, good. You’re doing so good for me, Buck. Now let that Jell-O go up your calves… now up to your thighs, up to your pelvis, and stomach.”

Buck can feel him lighten the grip he didn’t even know he had on Eddie’s shirt. Breathing starts to get easier.

“Your whole body is turning into squishy, bouncy Jell-O.”

Buck huffs out a small laugh at how ridiculous it sounds but thanks God that it’s working.

“Now let it run to your chest, your arms, your head…”

He takes in a deep breath and opens his eyes to meet Eddie’s. He’s smiling softly at him, pride in his eyes along with relief.

“You are one giant Buck Jell-O mold.”

That has Buck’s entire body relaxing, body collapsing forward into Eddie’s chest and keeps breathing.

It’s quiet for a little bit until Buck’s phone buzzes on the table next to Eddie. His head shoots up and grabs his phone with enough speed and force to almost knock Eddie off the table.

Bobby

Sorry I missed your texts, kid. It’s been a crazy day. How about I stop by with breakfast in the morning if you’re feeling up to it.

Buck lets out another cry at the sight of Bobby’s message. He ignores the look on Eddie’s face that means they’re going to talk about what just happened and focuses on texting Bobby back.

You know I’m always up for your cooking, Cap. Glad you’re okay :)

After he puts his phone down, he looks back up at Eddie and sighs. “Guess you wanna know what that was all about, huh?”

“I’ll admit I’m concerned but I’m not gonna make you talk if you’re not ready. That was a pretty bad panic attack, I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

Buck huffs. “Yeah, probably one of worst ones I’ve had since–”

Oh.

“Since?”

He never refilled his prescription.

“Since Bobby convinced me to stay on the medication they gave me for my anxiety.”

The anxiety he tried like crazy to hide from Eddie.

“Oh.” Eddie doesn’t seem surprised. “Can I ask what caused it this time?”

His voice is so soft and understanding that Buck can’t hide what happened in his coma dream any longer.

“Bobby was dead in my coma dream.” He starts to pick at his cuticles as anxiety starts to flood his system once more. Eddie doesn’t allow that to continue though, taking both of his hands in his and rubbing circles into the tops of his hands. “I have to text him every time I wake up so that I know I’m still here and not in the reality where he’s not alive.”

He hates that he can start to feel himself start to panic again. He feels like if he’d remembered to refill his medication that it wouldn’t be this bad. So, so stupid.

“You’re not stupid. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, anyone could forget to refill a prescription with everything that’s happened to you.” He needs to stop spiraling out loud and not realizing it.

“The psychiatrist warned me to not go off of these cold turkey. Said something like this could happen if it did.”

He bows his head in shame for the tears that well up in his eyes once again. God, he’s a mess.

“Not a mess.” Eddie states. Shit. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to get some real rest in a real bed and then in the morning, we’ll go to the pharmacy and get a refill of your meds.”

“What if I have to start all over again, Eddie? It took me nearly a month to stop having panic attacks because of how anxious they made me at first. I can’t do this again, I can’t.”

The grip on Buck’s hand tightened just the slightest and brought him back from another spiral.

“Then we’ll deal with it together. I told you, I’ve got your back. It’s going to be okay.”

And all Buck can do is trust that it would be okay.

Eddie has his back. Bobby is okay.

He will be okay.

[yakumtsaki]

Oh yay, our first thunder fire in the new house, wonder how long before someone dies again! Also love how you can see our old house in the background, a reminder you can run from your past but you can’t escape it. 

I am of course talking about this family’s past of semi-acceptable interactions between family numbers, because from now on is where things really go off the rails in this department. Allow me to introduce you to..

..Julian and Stacy’s daughter, Sunset Tinker-Union! (Because her parents wear pink and purple, get it? Get the name origin?) So the minute Bartholomew brought Sunset from school I knew it was over for me, as we’re now far enough removed from the other branches of the family tree that not even the extended family mod can save us from all those third cousins being fair game.. and you all know full well that if there’s one thing this family knows how to do, is be attracted to their distant cousins-

-I held out to one tiny hope that maybe Barflina will continue being socially incompetent losers and Sunset will hate them, but no, the minute a distant cousin enters the building it’s clearly time to turn up the charm. So first Bartholomew goes and smustles with Sunset, which, Barth, I didn’t know you were even like, biologically capable of having fun in any way-

-and then Felina (who I keep forgetting is SHY LOL WHAT) goes over to ADMIRE HER. BRO. I have never seen Felina do anything remotely nice her entire life, KILL ME.

But don’t worry, Sunset clearly takes after auntie June! She’s into it! She follows Barth to the toilet for no clear reason! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

So you at this point you might be like ya ok, calm your tits, there’s no guarantee anything will even happen. To which I reply go back and read, not even the whole thing, just our college runs, and then get back to me. We’ve been knocking on semi-incest’s door since generation 1 and now we don’t even have to knock, I mean the door is wide open! FML

ANYWAY, all this to say, it’s time to extremely focus on finding these two flops non-related-to-us people to date before we fuck off to college, and this is ALL I’m gonna be doing this update- 

-Like haha oh man Cyn and Sandy are starting a rock band, there’s def jokes here, NO. NO TIME, DON’T CARE, HAVE TO AVERT DISASTER.

-Failina, hold your goddamn notebook closer so I can copy, it’s hard with my eyepatch! -It’ll be even harder when I take your other eye out!

Alright you two.. uh.. awesome kids, let’s go out! 

-Go out where. -And WHY.

So you can have fun, meet people, maybe sing some karaoke or play bowling! You’ve seen how much fun your ancestors have had as teens out and about, driving drunk, being hoes, committing various crimes, you wanna miss out on that experience? It’s even how grandma Shajar met grandma Sophie and that marriage could not be stronger!

-Ugh ok, I guess I do need to get started on the spouse hunt. -And I would like to get drunk in a different setting than our library.

Perfect! Who knows, by the end of the night, you might even be besties singing duets like Jojo and Gunther!

Oh my- WE LITERALLY JUST GOT HERE. WHAT CAN YOU TWO POSSIBLY BE FIGHTING ABOUT

-SCREW YOU, DAVID OTTOMAS IS MINE -NO, HE’S MINE, HE’S THE ONLY TEEN SIM IN THE LOT AND I HAVE SENIORITY -THE HELL YOU DO

OK LET’S GO HOME

-SCREW YOU, I WANNA OPEN THE GARAGE DOOR -THE DOOR IS MINE, YOU CAN’T EVEN DRIVE YET

OMG LITERALLY STOP. I LEARNED MY LESSON, I’M NEVER MAKING YOU INTERACT AGAIN

Once again, I’m crawling back to Lakshmi! Finally she has returned to us! As you might recall I had to deal with her understudy, Margaret, and frankly she was better than Lak at her job but it just wasn’t the same. Lakshmi and I have HISTORY. We have a deep, dark, beautiful relationship-

-I’m not giving you a discount. 

UGH FINE. Take 5k of our last money (I forgot to mention the new house somehow cost 500K, we legit have like 20k left)-

-and hit us with your best shot!

-Oh, I will! 

Ok but you’ve said that before and I’m still not over the time I paid you 5k for June and you gave us iVan. 

-No, this time I mean it! The path is clear! 

The ‘path is clear’?? The path for FELINA’S love life is clearer than it was for June the literal model-hot genius???

-Indeed!

I gotta say, Lakshmi, your mouth better not be writing checks your crystal ball can’t cash.

-It is not, I promise! 

Alright, I’m waiting, do it to us-

OH

MY

GOD

IT’S MEADOW

THEY HAVE 3 BOLTS THIS IS ALREADY HILARIOUS. LAKSHMI YOU ARE FORGIVEN FOR ALL THE SHIT YOU’VE EVER PULLED ON ME

Bro this pairing is KILLING ME. Like I get it on paper since they’re both family sims and I guess their chemistry panels and zodiacs must insanely match too, but I thought Felina would get with someone like idk. Gvaudoin? Alegra Gorey? Klara Vonderstein? Maybe the Diva or a vamp NPC? Like you know what I mean, someone that makes sense with the whole dark queen powerful dynasty blabla she has going on. But no, she’s gonna start this house Lannister bs her LTW is about with.. MEADOW THAYER. I love it so much, Felina please don’t ruin this for us!

FELINA WTF DID I JUST SAY

-Sorry, but I don’t know you well enough to accept you touching my shoulder, huhu!🌞

-But if you want to tickle me again, that’s somehow more acceptable to me despite it involving way more touching!🌞

Alright, as I suspected, not a lot going on upstairs with dear Meadow, but it’s ok, I’m just glad to have a huhuing sim around again, Cyn is like 80yo :(

Ah, the tickling of love! Good job, Fel, now we can work our way up to flirting-

-Or I can just not be a turbocuck AND GO FOR IT

Man, the Sophie genes kicked in! Good for you, Fel!

Backyard karaoke time! Seriously what song could these two possibly BOTH like, please comment or msg me your guesses. 

So at this point I’m already 100% sold on Meadow as a spouse as I don’t think it’s humanly possible to come up with a funnier pairing than what fate dropped in my lap, but I’d also like to point out that Felina is so into Meadow that she’s already rolling fears of falling out of love with her, despite not even BEING IN LOVE WITH HER YET. Family sims are a fucking trip. 

CUTE. Alright Felina, you’re set, we got it in one, semi-incest avoided, yay us. Now I’m gonna leave you to your dream date and focus on Barth-

-who is gambling by himself. Guess I don’t need to ask who’s drunk again!

-That’s one safe bet, haha! 

Good Lord. Alright, get up, let’s find you someone while Lakshmi is still here, I’m sure our amazing luck will continue-

-OH FUCK IT’S TIAVE TEENS, HE HAS THE DON BROKEN FACE THING. ABORT ABORT

Oh good there’s nothing to abort, because it turns out Bartholomew is a COMPLETE FAILURE OF A ROMANCE SIM. Observe and keep in mind THEY HAVE 3 BOLTS:

-LALALA LALALA NOT LISTENING TO YOU INSULT MY SPATULA, FUCK OFF

LOL NO @ THE NOOGIES RETURN. FUCK. So clearly Felina has grandma Sophie’s chadly genes and Bartholomew has grandma Shajar’s noogiesexuality, except he’s a romance sim with a 20 woohoo LTW. College with this guy is gonna be UNBEARABLE. 

Alright, Barth, let’s try this again, don’t be discouraged! Ignore our lack of cash!

Ignore that Felina got it right on the first try and is still on her endless dream date!

PATRICK TEENS?! LMAO. Bartholomew is so committed to going through family trees, like if it’s not gonna be his own it’s gonna be SOMEONE’S, he doesn’t care! Unlike Don-clone Tiave, Patrick is cute tho, let’s give it a try-

-Ya, let me stop you right there, buddy, not into it but best of luck in your future endeavors!

Bruh. Let’s extremely call it a night, Barth.

-Oh hi, huhu!🌸 -Hi hi, huhu!🌞 -I feel like I know you?💗

Ya Cyn, if I didn’t have photographic proof that it’s not true I’d legit think she’s your long lost daughter. Man ACTUALLY how much sense does it make that like people tend to seek out partners that remind them of their parents and Cyn was always such a maternal influence on Felina??? Holy hell this game has so many layers. 

Clearly inspired by seeing her younger self in Meadow, Cyn finally finds it in her to woohoo again after Don’s passing! It’s legitimately crazy to me how loyal she was to him in death, like I can’t get over it, she never extended that courtesy to him while he was alive!

-𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙼𝚈 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝙴.𝙴𝚇𝙴

It’s ok, Barth, you sleep off the romantic flopping and that tray of whiskeys and we’ll try again tomorrow.

-Ya, make sure to call us over when he ‘tries again tomorrow’ cause we don’t wanna miss it HAHA -HAHAHA boy did I screw him over by passing down my personality points! -You sure did, my little turbocuck! Let’s sleep in the same bed tonight, I can’t get into this one anyway with this flop sleeping there! -That’s what everyone is gonna be saying to him in college HAHAHA -HAHAHAHA oh Shaj, I love you, let’s work on our marriage! -I love you too, we’ll overcome our issues!

Awww, see Barth? Love wins❤️

[optimisticallycyn]

Cyn's Turtle FanFics!

I've seen a few of these Masterpost fanfic clips and I feel like this might be easier to find and deal with rather than updating it chapter by chapter so, let's try this out...

Disclaimer: I DON'T own the turtle boys or any of their content. I'm just a fan that makes stupid stories where I get to have fun putting them through the ringer! Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Leo Having A Bad Time FanFictions

Welcome Home Brother

Summary:

Something's been feeling... off, to Leo lately. He feels like someone's been watching him even though no one ever seems to be there. But he's sure it's fine.

At least until a Donatello from a universe he's never seen shows up, calling him 'Nardo' and talking about bringing him home.

He's not sure what's going on, but he knows that he needs to get away from this unstable version of his brother before it's too late.

Trigger Warnings: Just adding this here because I’ve had a few people now message me that they can’t continue reading because they weren’t expecting the story to get as dark as it does, so I just thought I’d put this here as an extra bit of warning to further readers. This story is not for everyone, and it gets pretty dark and deals with dark subject matter. You are following the life of someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one and can’t get over it. It has mental, physical, and emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, body mutilation and violation (though not sexually obviously), murder, death, amputations, forced drug use and brain washing, ect. If any of that bothers you, please keep yourself safe and refrain from reading. Thank you!

If I'm Of No Use, Then Why Am I Still Here?

Summary:

Leo couldn't be happier that his brothers are really growing into themselves and expanding their social circles.

He's excited for them in finding new hobbies and interests that take up their time... a lot of their time... pretty much all of it.

It's fine that they're not as interested in training anymore, or running patrols because Karai's Foot Clan is doing very well to keep the streets of New York safe.

It's fine that he's finding himself spending more and more time alone because even April and Casey are moving on and getting ready to go to college and don't really have any time to spare.

He's happy that everyone seems to be moving on.

Even if there doesn't seem to be any room for him in their lives anymore...

Trigger Warnings: Depression, eating disorders, mild self harm, becoming nonverbal, isolation, loneliness, self-worth issues

TMNT 2012 September Challenge

Summary:

(Wish me luck o this one...)

This is a TMNT 2012 September Challenge from Tumblr.

Not all of these will be shipping ones. A lot of them will probably have nothing to do with that. But they will be labeled in the chapters. :)

Caseynardo Multiple Chapter FanFics (Casey Jones / Leonardo for those who don't know 😊)

Unless otherwise stated, all characters are anywhere from their early to late twenties.

Stranger From Another World

Rise Casey Jones Junior / 2012 Leonardo

Warning: This story is rated M! There will be mild scenes of M/M relations! Be aware.

Summary:

When random portals start opening all around New York, Casey and his new family have their hands full dealing with the fallout. However one of the portals doesn't drop a monster from some unknown hellscape, but an almost familiar face that's nothing like the one Casey knows. Intrigued by this stranger Casey can't help but want to be close to him and learn as much as he can, and yes, he's sure these new weird feelings in his stomach and the constant heat in his face has nothing to do with it.

Doll's Don't Talk! (But Apparently They Can Hear!?)

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

When Leo accidentally gets blood on the new doll Mikey gave him seconds before Casey stole the thing, he didn't think much of it.

At least... not at first.

Not until he starts to feel this weird pressure like someone's in the room touching him, even if no ones there. Sometimes it's little pets on his head, or an odd sensation across his hand like someone's holding it, sometimes it just feels like he's being... held. Surrounded on all sides in a comfortable heat and weight like he's snuggled under the worlds most comfortable blanket.

He doesn't think much of it until that pressure is joined by a voice. A voice that sounds a little muffled at first but that eventually comes through loud and clear. A very familiar voice.

A voice telling him all kinds of things he's sure he was never supposed to hear.

Mating Season Blues!

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

Casey and Leo have been dating for a few months now and Casey couldn't be happier! Leo's a great boyfriend! So sweet and thoughtful and cuddly... Very cuddly. Especially lately. But why does he keep stealing Casey's clothes lately? And why is he constantly biting Casey and hissing at the others when they get to close? And what's his deal with gifting Casey living animals and feeding him by hand? Meh, he's sure it's fine.

Casey and Leo go through their first Spring together and neither are prepared for how strongly Leo's urges to take care of his mate are going to be.

This is a no sex spring story because I just wanted it to be cute and fluffy. :) Enjoy!

Truth or Dare, and other dumb decisions to make while drinking

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

Leo's not impressed when he catches his brothers and Casey drinking, but he can't really so no when joining in means he gets to spend the night having fun with his 'secrete' crush. Besides, it's not like he'll even drink that much. Just a cup or two. It'll be fine. After all, no ones ever done something they regret with only a few sips in them right?

Caseynardo One/Two-Shot FanFics

Late Night Blues...

Rise Casey Jones Junior / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

Casey Jr can't sleep. An unfortunate side effect of living most of his life through an apocalypse. Or maybe a not so unfortunate habit after all when this undesirable trait leads him to finally having a little one on one time with with the Leo from another dimension. He's been dying to speak with him after all. But just because he seems like such a levelheaded and interesting guy... No other reason really.

Or, Rise Casey's awake, 2012 Leo's awake, and Casey stumbles through a basic conversation while trying to keep his thoughts straight...

How To Take Care of Your Stressed Out Boyfriend! By A. Casey Jones!

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

None of their missions have been going well lately, which is bad news for the rest of the team because bad missions means a grumpy Leo.

Casey's got it handled though. He knows just the remedy to cheer him up and get him relaxed. Movies, tea, candles and cuddles of course!

Or; Leo's stressed and Casey's done watching his boyfriend spiral and decides to step in.

Facepaint And Fun!

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

“Did you want to try it?”

“I’m sorry?”

Shocked by the offer Leo quickly returned his attention to the one at his side. Casey snickered at his reaction, swiping the tube from him all to easily and tossing it from hand to hand.

“If you want, I can paint your face up like mine. Let you see for yerself what it’s like.”

“Oh, um…”

He really shouldn’t. He wasn’t sure why he shouldn’t but…

“Y-Yeah.” …What? “Sure.”

Cavemouth

2012 Casey Jones / Leonardo

Summary:

Leo knows somethings off with his boyfriend when he shows up at the lair during school hours. Before he can ask to much on it though Casey gets recruited to help Donnie with some stuff. He lets it go until Casey storms out after an unusual shouting match with his brother. Wanting to get to the bottom of it, Leo follows after him to find out what's up.

Or;

Some kids at school say some things to Casey that they shouldn't have and now Leo has to comfort his boyfriend while trying to figure out how to make bodies disappear. As one does.

Turtle Pile Plus Four

2012 Casey Jones / Leonardo

Summary:

Leo and Casey are cuddling, his bros decide to join in, then, so do his sisters.

The World In My Hands And All I See Is You

2012 Casey Jones / Leonardo

Summary:

Raph makes fun of the fact that Casey's hands seem much smaller than theirs. Casey points out that he can still do the most important thing. Leo suffers by proxy.

These Bitches Gay, Good For Them (Bad For Me Though Damnit)

Female Casey Jones / Female Leonardo

Summary:

Raph has a crush on his new human friend and can’t wait to introduce her to his brothers and sister. At least until he realizes that there might be a reason none of his flirtations are returned outside of him being a mutant turtle once Cass sets her eyes on his sister Lea.

Set Lasers to Stun

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

Leo just wanted to enjoy his Space Heroes marathon in peace. Why is that so hard?

Caller ID: Babe is Calling

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

Honestly, Casey should know better than to use such a... suggestive picture for Leo's caller ID.

But its not like he knew his phone was going to fall out of his pocket and end up in the hands of one of his boyfriend's brothers.

If he manages to make it through the night, he's going to owe Leo big for this slip up. He's still keeping all his other pictures though. He'll just hide them better.

Trick Or Treat

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

Leo didn't give to much thought to his Halloween costume, figuring the trench coat he'd worn years ago during his vampire hunter phase was good enough. When Casey pouts over it however he decides to try another, equally last minute costume, but one he think his secret boyfriend will enjoy much more. Casey on the other hand very much knows his costumes going to be a big hit. At least, for Leo it will be.

Limited Addition Kitchen Princess

2012 Casey Jones / 2012 Leonardo

Summary:

“I’m pretty sure if you help me, it will be against the rules.” “So that’s what this is hm? You lost a bet to Mikey?” Deciding that Casey had been with them long enough it wasn’t surprising that he managed to figure it out that fast, Leo met his smirk with a flat stare. “No. I just thought I’d try out a new wardrobe.” Casey snickered at his sass, putting the hand towel back before joining his side at the island. “You should stick with it. It’s a good look for ya Blue.”

Or, Leo loses a bet which leaves him to be the one on cooking duty for the night, in the girlest apron Mikey could find. Casey's not complaining on the new look and is quick to insert himself in the role of helping out to make sure he doesn't burn the whole lair down.

[an-au-blog]

Can’t help but recontextualize Asylum!Chopper as just the friendliest but also most capable man you will ever meet in this au. He cares a lot for his patients, so much that some people sneer it borders on unprofessional, behind his back, where he can’t hear, because everyone also begrudgingly has to admit he’s probably amidst the best staff this asylum ever had. (And he knows. He knows about all the awful things people say about him behind his back but he actively decides it doesn’t matter and not to care for it). Type of doctor who’s delighted when old patients catch up with him. Has some more “”childish”” interests and still watches kids cartoons and reads comics to this day because they help him unwind. Also probably collects stuff like little mecha figures or Gundams or Funko Pops he displays on his desk. Routinely swaps them out every once in a while so he can showcase them to everyone and because lots of patients adore them. Is however keenly aware that people may infantilize him during to his dwarfism coupled with his “childish interests” (can you tell I loathe the idea of interests making you inherently childlike by now?). Do not, I repeat, Do. Not. He WILL remember that for the rest of his life and file you in his mental “people to distrust”folder (unless you sincere apologize and he can tell you are making an effort to educate yourself,but even then he will side eye you for another month or so just in case) and will make it clear that he’s an adult. Deceptively strong. Rumor has it he actually broke a man’s nose once in a bar fight after said drunken fool decided it would be hilarious to grab him by his armpits and swing him around like a rag doll (It’s true. Chopper will gladly tell you the full story when he’s off the clock and he likes you enough).

Oh absolutely.

In fact, Dr Chopper is one of the leading names in his field. He was a wonder child. Even though some people were intimidated by it.

He is the dream for every employer, even though, as you said, some of the other employees don't always share the same sentiment. He's dependable, responsible, cares about people and is an amazing doctor.

Everyone was surprised when he moved from a high paid job to dealing with the mentally ill. He used to work for a pharmaceutical company but after discovering a deadly poison that the company wanted to profit off of he quit. Ironically enough, the same poison sped up the death of he best friend and college at the time Hiriluk. No one other than Robin and Jinbei knows about that though. And of course, his other friend, who took an early retirement - Dr. Kureha.

He's still a general practitioner, and the kids love him, which also makes the mothers love him too... a bit more reluctantly, but still.

I love the idea that he watched cartoons and collects Funko pops, maybe even action figures. (I have a few friends who collect and it's so fun when they show me, so) I'd also like to think that Chopper's friends - Franky, Robin and Jinbei also like seeing and hearing about his interests. The others may think it's weird but he learned to only care about his friends's opinion.

I feel like Chopper would start going to the gym purely for health reasons, but then he'd get really invested in like a sports anime or hyperfixated on something that he feels more and more inclined to go more often. Him getting strong and or buff was purely an accident of circumstance.

[brandonaguja]

may I hear you speak about your ii oj alters hc?

I’m sorry it’s been 40 days and I’m only now getting to this !

Orange Soda (bro/he/any): I hc him to be the host before OJ, he was kinda like a frat bro but similar to oj in his interests in science and being a nerd. He just had sunglasses while doing it so he was cool. Crash and burned in college and ended up going dormant with OJ switching in as host and eventually dropping out 👍 will front again after years of OJ running the hotel and will be the catalyst for OJ finding he’s a system. Lol. He also really really reaaaally wanted to be a drag king but OJ took host before he could persue it. Does make it so OJ is already interested in drag.

Cherry Juice (they/them): angry alter. Can’t talk unless someone is in front with them but even think it becomes very difficult for the body to speak. Handles all the anger and kinda keeps it all from exploding on other people hence them being unable to speak. When in front or near front OJ will become frustrated very easily though and isolate since Cherry doesn’t really like others anyways. Has the same grudges OJ does and more intense. Isn’t a caretaker but spends time with Apple Juice bc she’s sweet. Would get along with Evil Paper.

Blood Orange (he/vamp): funniest fucking alter in there. He’s a vampire and split to deal with the insomnia in the body. He split on Halloween and it’s never been the same since at night time because if OJ keeps pushing through exhaustion Blood Orange fronts. Work gets done. Sometimes.

Apple Juice (she/her): she’s a little! She age slides from around 4-7. She’s a very smart kid and she’s a memory holder. She’s so full of whimsy and loves to learn things. OJ’s natural curiosity :) fronts when OJ is really stressed and age regresses. Doesn’t hold grudges like OJ does.

Pineapple Juice (no prns or any): was co-hosting with OJ right before OJ dropped out of college and was/is a persecutor. Is based off Steve Cobs (ugh) and basically just Really wanted them to succeed in life. To a fault. Was on that grind set and would belittle OJ and themself so is partially the reason that OJ didn’t keep any friendships that Orange Soda had. Kinda became a fragment/fused with OJ after OJ dropped out. But still stuck around enough to tell him he’s a failure for dropping out and going no where in life until OJ entered II. So OJ’s unhealthy work life balance is influenced by PJ 👍YAYY! PJ has mellowed out now though. She’s a caretaker to Apple Juice and is only nice to Apple Juice and no one else but that’s Something. Better than nothing.

Pink Lemonade (she/her): she handles a lot of the romantic feelings OJ has and most crushes OJ has does stem from her initially. Once she starts separating with OJ their feelings both separate so she’s able to have feelings and crushes on her own. She also indulges in femininity in ways that OJ is too scared to do outside of drag and probably very much enjoys drag and was an influencer for OJ getting back into it, tho as a queen instead of a king like Orange Soda wanted. Doesn’t do drag herself tho just likes influencing OJ to indulge in femininity like she does. Also she’s a lesbian 💖

[cursewoodrecap]

Session 24: Academic Alarm

As I return...yeah, one of the reasons I had trouble posting these were b/c they turned into huge long monsters, so I’ll be trying to keep ‘em a little shorter. This one was already partially written when I got back to it, so...I failed to do that this time, lol.

That said: Hey, remember the first time we went to Sturmhearst? There’s a lot you can learn at college!

Vigdor, staring directly into the void, takes some Staring Into The Void damage. Shosh whacks him on the back of the head. Jolted out of his wonderment, he carefully shuts the door to Macker’s lab and turns to her. “What the FUCK was that?!”

“I dunno! The void! If you figure it out, write a paper on it!”

“SO, THERE IS A REASON YOU SHOULDN’T WRITE A PAPER ON THAT-“ Gral blurts behind them, coming back with Valeria. Every eye on the Eyegis peers around for flesh-hounds, which thankfully seem to be absent.

(Vigdor immediately rolls to see if any of the eyes have tear ducts. Some do. None of the eyes match.)

Gral gives a quick explanation of the Key’s deal, and how telling Sturmhearst there’s portals will make them an easy target for the Key’s knowledge-peddling. We gotta close this thing!

“Can’t you just do a guitar solo about it?”

“Not one this big! And there’s definitely more portals around.”

Valeria and Gral examine portal; so does Vigdor (he rolls bad and takes 1 taint)

We all examine the portal. The last one, we disrupted the thing that was keeping it open, but now we don’t know what’s sustaining it. And last time we had to go THROUGH the portal to do it. At least this one’s less elaborate.  

Those of us less arcane-inclined search the room and find some Incriminating Documents. Like a boss, your humble writer searched the Discord channel and found ‘em. I could copy/paste, but here’s the tl’dr:

1. A project status update for research led by Macker, developing a medical procedure for “extracting curse-spawned infection of the central nervous system.” Notable: the brief mentions that a) the patients in question cannot be moved from their current location without the infection progressing; b) the patients are physically fit and have military training; and c) the infection is fungal in nature.

That’s….telling. Who is he trying to save from the Growth? Military training – could these be Crusaders?

2. A hurriedly scrawled note. “Eric- Prof vanished, must have taken the package with him, I can't find it. CoEth after us. I’ve grabbed what I can, will head to Prof. Merkam’s Lab to join others hiding there from White Coats. PS: Stay out of MM dissection lab.”

That’s where the research assistant must have gotten off to, at least.

3. A friendly letter in different handwriting than the other two. It’s addressed genially – “Dear Matty,” and it’s full of genial encouragement that the answer’s always out there, and how the writer’s found some things on their travels that just might be the key to solving Macker’s problem! The letter says samples and research notes are enclosed – as well as ways to get more. Best of luck!

Cheerfully ominous!  Clearly this is from whoever’s been leaving those oh-so-helpful care packages, like the one Bjork found. We STRONGLY suspect Professor Twombly.

….let’s go back to that second one. The rogue TAs have a secret hideout?

Vigdor remembers the legend of Professor Merkam, who died some 20 years ago, and was executed and buried under Gallows Hill in Mornheim. Yikes! She was disbarred from the College of Science for violating proper guidelines – dosing students with mind control potions, etc. She had a bit of a following, and fled to the vast network of tunnels under school when she was trying to escape authorities. The tunnels are usually used for storage, or extra labs – but there’s lots of stories about what’s lurking down in the catacombs. She hid out for like five years until the authorities hired some knights, led an expedition, and had her rooted out and executed for crimes. Nowadays, her old lab is where the sickest keggers are thrown.

We marvel at how intense one’s research must be to require a hit squad. Apparently, “professor” can also mean “serial killer mad scientist cult leader drug dealer.”

The tunnels are even WORSE than the campus for navigability. Vigdor’s only been down there once, and he was blindfolded and pretty drunk at the time. He’s gonna go back to staring into the void curiously, which is definitely a red flag about his impulse control and decision-making process. Congratulations, have a splitting headache and several more taint.

Anyway, where do we go next? Heated discussion ensues; what if we arouse the suspicion of the nefarious Ethicists? To be fair, it seems the Ethicists are taking draconian measures as an anti-Key protocol, so maybe they’re not that bad. But we DO like a good rebel hideout.

We slip out of the lab, past the silent owl-masked guard. Shoshana does finger guns at him behind his back.

Valeria has an invite to go talk to the Ethicists, which we’ll use as an in, but as we go we might as well check in on our botanist friend Professor Ulmus – who was mentioned by name in the research brief about the fungal infections.

We head to the lighthouse, which has been repurposed into an admin hub, where we knew she was headed. Holy shit, this was designed by an actual architect, it’s much more straightforward. As we walk past a dining hall, Shoshana cranes her neck to see if the bird-masked students peck their food. Disappointingly, they do not. Vigdor casually mage-hands himself a bread roll. Past the man-go club, the Sturmhearst U press office, and into a well-appointed waiting room-

SLAM. A tall woman with an ibis-like mask storms out, absolutely livid.

“WE WILL HAVE WORDS LATER. I WILL SPEAK TO THE DEAN! FIRST I WILL FIND THAT SNIVELLING EXCUSE FOR A SCIENTIST AND I WILL MAKE HIM WITHDRAW HIS RIDICULOUS REQUEST; I AM OUT HERE TRYING TO FIND REAL ANSWERS AND-“

(A sly perception check reveals Quercus’ boots sticking out from behind one of the decorative tapestries.)

Ulmus whirls, hearing our footsteps. “YOUUUU- oh, greetings Kyr! You haven’t happened to see a man from the College of Science, wearing a bit of green, portly, beak like this?” She gestures in the rough shape of a bird beak. “Answers to Professor Hubert Quercus? I would like to speak to him about an academic matter.” Despite her opaque lenses, we get the distinct sense of her eye twitching.

“Did he, uh, interfere with your meeting with the bursar?”

“He has…TENURE. He put in a request for expeditionary funding, made some rather astonishing claims. Such that I believe he may have been…exaggerating the aptitude and utility of his mission. Whereas I have a perfectly PRACTICAL mission I would like additional funding for! So I believe if the two of us TALK, we can come to a SOLUTION that would not involve escalating this to the Deans!!!!”

Vigdor regards her warily. “Does that solution involve bashing his kneecaps in?”

“It doesn’t have to,” she snips, pulling out a thermos and daintily sticking the tip of her beak in.

We inquire further, and she’s happy to expound. “Since you left Bad Herzfeld, the local clinical situation has deteriorated. The locals are either listless or rowdy. Meanwhile, the collection of flora is as miraculously high as ever. We could expand the annex - turn it into real proper research station and bring in more professors! We’d make great strides in medicine and other fields as well. Mr. Duu, I recall you expressed an interest in soil studies! If there’s something in the dirt – Curseborne or not, ther may be a rational and potentially reproducible effect we could use!”

Gral’s eye twitches behind his mask, because that’s not how orc names work, but. “Uh, it’s definitely Curseborne, and there’s a contagion-“

“Yes, obviously. But if it works by putting additional nitrogen in the soil, for example, we can recreate the effect on our own! In short, we will do science! There’s a lot we can learn! Even if what we seek is simply a way to destroy such fungus, I’ve created some antifungals, fungicides and such.”

Gral sees an opening. “Isn’t there already a study here about fungal curse-based infection? By...who was it...Matthias Macker?”

“Ah yes, I was hoping to check in with him while I’m here. He requested all my notes on eliminating the fungus from living tissue, especially in the central nervous system.”

This is a touchy matter and she’s hunting a tenured asshole, so we’ll talk in a more private space – the nearby man-go clubroom will do nicely. As we leave the room, Shoshana pops the curtain with a quick elbow right where she estimates a portly professor’s midsection to be. Ulmus turns like a hawk at the sound of his undignified squeak.

The well-cared-for man-go room has a floor patterned like a man-go board, and Valeria immediately takes a strategic position. On the wall, there’s a picture of a bunch of scholars with their masks off, in front of beautiful Aurentium harbor, for what was apparently the Drakes’ Tower Club Centennial Tournament. And yep, there he is – much younger, with a shorter beard and neater hair, but unmistakably the strange man we saw at the inn. Sure enough, the placard lists him as Professor Trevor Twombly.

Ulmus joins us, her palpable glower frightening off the last few straggling students. She uses her cinder quill to light a tea candle and fix herself a calming tea. She clearly hasn’t gotten the upgraded quill lava.) We hear someone sneaking poorly in the hallway, and politely ignore him.

We break it to Ulmus: We’re looking for clues about the disappearance of Prof. Macker. She didn’t even yet know he’d disappeared, so this is a shock to her. But she’s got details on that highly suspicious project of his.

“Yes, he was working on the viability of a rather extreme procedure; the combination of a fungicide and surgical extraction to cure a fatally severe infection. He’d been sent a cadaver with the condition.”

“From where? From who?”

“…I can’t say I know.” An insight check reveals that no, actually, she does not know who the client is or where the cadaver’s from, but she knows more than she’s letting on. With a few more questions and a high persuasion check, we find out: She doesn’t know who sent the corpse, but Dean Damrosch of the college of science does, and she was the one who put Macker on the project in the first place.

“The client was able to get a meeting with the Dean directly, so they were either already involved with school or had money. Could be both. She deemed it was worthy of Macker’s skills, and whenever he requested a consult, he was allowed to put her name on the request, which carries a lot of weight.”

More gentle interrogation doesn’t net us more useful info about the mysterious project, though she’s happy to help. She doesn’t know about the Ethicists’ quarantines, either, having been out of town for so long. She puts down her tea, and dabs the end of beak, where we’re pretty sure she’s hiding a straw. “Now I’m going to find my colleague and attempt to discuss things with him.” She strides out dramatically, her cloak billowing in imaginary wind.

Next, ethicists!

We grab a nice lunch at harbor market. We have a short rest as Vigdor recovers from his Looking Into The Void headache, and Shoshana Chill Touch snipes a seagull, after being assured that seagulls are acceptable targets. Across town, we find a whitewashed building: Sturmhearst College of Ethics, the door minded by two white-jacketed owl mask guards.

They’re pretty surprised to find a paladin marching up to them and politely requesting to speak to Professor Sorbus, you see, she has an Invitation. Turns out he’s still on the main campus, “supervising experiments for ethical violations,” but Dean Chidor’s secretary or the Vice-Dean might be happy to speak to you, if they’re free-

We’ll wait outside a bit while they find someone suitably kind-of-important to greet a Kyr. Meanwhile, we’re distracted by a cart full of long, heavy, corpse-shaped burlap sacks being discreetly taken in the back entrance of a building that looks like it’s been recently renovated. Vigdor goes over the the cart, trying to bluff his way into knowledge by looking like he works here. Except, y’know, he’s wearing black and they’re all in white, and he starts attracting the attention of burly guard-types until Shoshana goes over and drags him off.

After a while, and a few matches of man-go between Valeria and Vigdor, Professor Sorbus bustles up to us with a rather nicer demeanor than we’ve previously seen. “Ah, hello, yes! When I invited you, I assumed it would be tomorrow, my apologies for making you wait. Professor Quercus has mentioned meeting a silver dragonborn knight and her companions – though my colleague I do not recognize from the stories. What brings you to Sturmhearst?” he asks us, politely, though there’s still an edge of discerning analysis in his pleasant tone.

After we get through the pleasantries, Valeria gets down to business: “We’ve been seeking out places afflicted by the Curse, and it seems Sturmhearst is so afflicted. That’s what you’ve been targeting, right? That’s why you’re locking up labs?”

With an excellent persuasion check, Sorbus sees a colleague in the fight against the Curse from the highly trusted Order of the Rose, and doesn’t see the need to deny it.

“I see. We have…a lot to talk about. Yes, some aspect of the Curse – we were warned several years ago; the Dean of Ethics told us to step up our operations, that the Curse had come in new form. Not werewolves or zombies, like everyone is so quick to think. This happened around the time Headmaster Twombly went on sabbatical. The College of Ethics has always operated somewhat independently from the other colleges, and the Dean informed us we could not unreservedly trust the scholars of Sturmhearst.

“He was cagey on details, but we are to keep an eye on suspicious people and disappearances. Anyone discussing opening of gateways or arcane methods of travel is a high priority. When anyone disappeared suddenly from the labs, we would quarantine those lab rooms and question anybody who’d been working in them.”

Valeria nods. “That sounds very similar to what we’ve seen elsewhere. In the last place that had, uh, similar problems, we were able to question a painter who had disappeared like that. Is there anyone here who we might be able to talk to?

He glances toward the asylum. “We have managed to, er, acquire a few. Some flee to the catacombs or the countryside to avoid us. Some disappear entirely, and those are the most concerning of all. The unifying factor in all those who we’ve been tracking is an obsessive drive toward their research – and receiving mysterious packages.

“You’re Dr. Gavril, right?” he says, eyeing Vigdor’s highly visible prosthetic. “Have you spoken to Professor Hjalmar Bjork recently?”

We sure have. Why?

“That arm of yours is not purely Jotunn construction. On a hunch, I asked the librarians to report anything that came into their collection unexpectedly - sudden appearances that don’t match the records. One of the additions they flagged was a case of blueprints and arcane theorems, checked out by Bjork. Those blueprints served as a basis for that arm and that leg. I examined them myself and couldn’t make heads nor tails – they’re in a language none of our linguists have ever seen. Bjork had to use translation magic to read them. “

“Given recent events, I have concerns. So I have to ask: have you seen Professor Bjork recently, and how did he look?”

We tell Sorbus that he looked well, and was very troubled about having received such a package. In fact, he was the one who pointed us here to help.

Sorbus’ posture relaxes a bit. “He is a good person, and a powerful spellcaster. I was concerned when he left the University so suddenly. I am rather glad to hear he’s not corrupted.”

Do we trust Sorbus? Screw it, we’re gonna trust Sorbus.

Gral addresses the elephant in the room. “Uh, on our way here, we ran into someone interesting. He said he’s been traveling a long time, and, well, it’s a long story, but we saw a picture where he was the old Man-go Club President – Headmaster Twombly?

Sorbus looks up sharply, shoulders stiffening. “You believe you saw him, do you? But he is on sabbatical. Where, precisely, did you meet him? If he’s returned, I must tell the Dean at once!”

Returned? Not quite. We explain about the portals we’ve seen, and how one could shortcut all over Valdia with the map and route Twombly gave us. If he’s been using gateways, his “sabbatical” might be mostly into the portals, which tracks with how manic he looked.

Sorbus sputters. “I – I’m going to have to get you a meeting with the Dean straight away. Is there anything I can do for you in the meantime?”

“We want to talk to Eric Pelbort, if we can,” Shoshana says, remembering Macker’s teaching assistant.

He can do that for us. Pelbort’s in the asylum, and the Dean will meet us there. We go in, and – huh, it’s not a horrifying Victorian madhouse! We’re pleasantly surprised. There’s ethicists and black-coated medical doctors going around with files and charts.

Vigdor did a rotation here, once, but the vibe is way more hostile than the last time he was here. A lot of patients appear to be sedated. There’s a lot more orderlies present and a lot more people in secure cells. There’s locked doors. Shoshana is decidedly uncomfy.

An orderly escorts us to a simple room, with a bed, a chair, books and papers. The man inside has the same ashen skin, sunken eyes, and spindly fingers we noticed on the imprisoned painter back in Holzog, and his eyes are bloodshot red. He is drawing something.

“Oh, uh, hello? Yes? Am I being called back to work? I have some ideas,” he tells us eagerly the second we walk inside.

Everyone introduces themselves. “Dr. Vigdor Gavril, I studied under Dr. Macker many years ago.”

Pelbort immediately hands him the papers he’s been scribbling on.” If you can deliver this to Dr. Macker, he’ll find it very useful. I’m sure he’ll return soon.”

Vigdor takes it. At a glance, it’s gibberish, formulas scrawled on top of each other and crossed out and rewritten. Shoshana, intuiting that Vigdor’s gonna want to look at these with Twombly’s glasses, as he’s been doing with everything he can find and repeatedly taking taint about it, hides the glasses in her skirt pocket. If he wants to look at Key things he’s gonna have to get handsy with the Claws first.

We ask the ailing TA if he’s, uh, ~been anywhere else~ recently. “Just here, mostly. They took me here after Dr. Macker went away. We’ve been working very closely together here, but he certainly talked about going elsewhere to find answers to the problem we were working on.”

“Yes, your study. Word is you ran into a bit of a roadblock?” Gral asks gently.

“Yes. The patient’s survival, specifically. Professor Macker insisted on it. I had some ideas – there were so many things we could do AFTER the fact that would ensure quality of life, given a Revivify spell or something similar, but Professor Macker insisted they had to actually survive the procedure. That’s what he was working on when he disappeared.”

We ask about mysterious packages. “Oh, yes. We were quite stuck, and a package appeared on the Professor’s desk, with formulas, plant samples, a strange metal canister full of an odd goo the consistency of mayonnaise with restorative properties. Macker examined them, consulted with other professors – and then that was when he went missing. I was in the library, looking for potential leads, and next thing I knew these ethicists were informing me Macker was gone and that I was supposed to come with them.”

“D’you know where Macker’s other assistant, Greta Ruble, is?”

“No. Greta was less involved than I was, but she was quite diligent and useful. Does she still have library access? I’d like to requisition a few books.”

“Uh, maybe later. Can you maybe tell us more about what, exactly, the patient needed to survive?”

“He was developing a new procedure,” Pelbort volunteers. “It was a very invasive surgery to remove a Curse-based infection that was inflicted on a group of noble soldiers.”

“Which soldiers?”

“I couldn’t tell you what nation they were from – all sorts of races, human, elf, Dragonborn and more. We did suspect that they might be paladins – orders of the Rose and Hammer, predominantly. I mean, it was never officially confirmed in what we were told, but we can read between the lines. One cadaver they brought in had a tattoo of a rose-wrapped sword, for example.”

“Who brought in these cadavers?”

With a good persuasion check, we get better than just “the dean” again: “Oh, the client! Yes, they were an author. They’d worked with Sturmhearst University Press before; that’s how they got a meeting with the Dean. I don’t remember the name, but I’d heard of a couple of their books. They weren’t an academic author, just a popular one. I don’t really read a lot of popular fiction.”

Shoshana, chilling in the back of the room, waves Valeria over. “Hold on, I have a theory.” She rifles through Valeria’s bag until she finds her prize, pulling out the copy of Tales of the Peacock Knight.

“Oh! Yes! That’s the guy, that’s the book he wrote!” Pelbort agrees. “Knew I’d recognize it, everybody’s reading that thing. But I don’t have time for popular fiction.”

We look at the cover. The author is one Francis Dandle. (Yes, the DM confirms, the name implies he’s the Dandelion/Jaskier to the Peacock Knight’s Geralt.)

Huh.

Pelbort is rambling now, about specific applications of healing potions and magic during or after the procedure and why they would be difficult to apply, when there’s a polite knock on the door. An ethicist in a tailored white coat and a silver mask peeks in.

“Oh, Dean Chidor!” the Key-corrupted researcher greets him. “Have you received my petition? I’d like to leave, I’ve got lots of work to do.”

“They’re still processing it, I’m sure you’ll be out any day now,” the Dean says kindly. “Eric, are you remembering your art exercises?”

He grumbles. “They don’t help me think about the project at all!”

We leave poor Eric to his art exercises and head to Dean Chidor’s office to talk more privately. It has a nice balcony and everything. “I understand you think you saw the headmaster? Forgive me, but this is rather important: where was he, and how did he look?”

We give the town and the name of the inn. He looked human, played Man-go exceptionally well.

“Oh, good, he’s still himself. He’s always loved that game. I could never get the hang of it. Did he seem rational and lucid?”

“Lucid, yes,”  

“Hm. Did he give you anything?”

We explain the map, and the flesh-hound attack.

This clearly rings a bell for him – our insight says he feels deeply guilty about something, and is trying to figure out precisely how guilty he should be.

“Were you a personal friend of Professor Twombly?”

“Yes, all the Deans knew him well.”

“Do you know what happened, before he left? Before the portals opened here?” Gral asks gently, and crits his persuasion check.

The dean visibly crumbles. Like the last lock falling off a Phoenix Wright character.

“You – you understand. You’ve encountered them before, y-you say you’ve closed portals before – please, you must help. I don’t know what more I can do.”

He sends Sorbus out of the room. “You understand, I’m trusting you with something incredibly sensitive. But you say you’ve seen these portals before, and I’m so, so far out of my depth. I am a philosopher and psychologist, not an experimental researcher!” he cries.

The poor man shakes like a leaf, stress pouring off him in waves. Once he finally gathers himself, he takes a deep breath and begins to share his story:

“Several years ago, the top faculty of the Unversity had gathered to discuss mobilization towards the defeat of the Curse. While meeting in Twombly’s quarters, something spoke to us. I realize it sounds quite unbelievable, but I heard it, as did Twombly. As did all the other deans. A gust of wind blew through window, disturbing a ring of keys on a hook, and we could hear words – meaning – in the sound. Linguistically phonemeless communication. I’ve heard your Allsoul has been recorded to speak in such a manner,” he tells Gral.

“Whatever it was, it said it would give us the knowledge we so desperately needed. If we agreed to open our minds to it, it would guide the school in saving Valdia. Battling the Curses, it said. I have gone over every word of that exchange in my mind since, wondering how we were so easily misled, and why it referred to Curses in the plural. I should have known it counted itself among that number.

“But at the time, the Curse was only known to be werewolves and demons and undead and the occasional report of ents or living pumpkins. It was not jangling keys and mysterious voices, so you have to understand where we were at the time. We were one of the few institutions remaining in Valdia! We were desperate for solutions, and this one was offered on silver platter.

“We didn’t trust it; we did not achieve the highest academic ranks in the nation by acting like idiots. So we discussed the offer. It was a terrible idea, we knew it. But how often are you given chance to save a nation, maybe even the world?

“We reached a compromise. The Headmaster thought of it. The voice had made its offer to all of us, but knowledge can be shared. One of us would take the deal and then share the knowledge they were given with the others, who would distribute the information as needed. And the person who made the bargain could be kept closely watched, observed, monitored for any signs of corruption. …We didn’t know,” he sighs, regret in every line of his face.

“So we did it. We drew straws, and Twombly drew the short one. I approved of this plan twice. First when it was proposed, and again when our leader drew short straw. Dean Damrosch would become interim headmaster, and I would be responsible for reviewing every communication Twombly sent us. He went on sabbatical, and we kept him away from thaumaturgical supplies. All he had was chalk and paper.

“For a while it worked. He seemed himself! We chatted, we played Man-go - he stomped me, as usual. And he would pass along things he wrote. Formulae, equations that let us construct fascinating devices. His work allowed us to militarize. Those brass towers that have kept Penitents from our doors and so much more are all thanks to those breakthroughs. Honestly, we thought we’d outsmarted it.

“Then one day I walked in, and Twombly was gone. He’d left a note, saying he had exhausted what knowledge he could procure here in his room and that he was going to do further research in the field, stopping in when he found anything useful. And if I would please feed his cat. The balcony of his quarters looks perfectly normal from the outside, but that door doesn’t go to the balcony anymore. I think you can imagine what happens if you look out onto balcony from the Headmaster’s quarters.”

“Yes. Some of the beds in this asylum are taken by the ethicists we sent in there to find him, in fact.”

He shudders. Valeria reassures him they made the best decisions they could with the information they had. He is not especially comforted.

“It became clear after that we couldn’t trust the rest of the school. They had been working with his notes quite eagerly, after all. He has continued leaving those packages for different professors, getting them aligned with that Curse.”

We show him our map and glasses, which he refuses to touch.

“I’m not sure which other deans I can trust. The College of Ethics has had to take a far more stringent approach than ever before. The University is doing important work against the Curse, I couldn’t shut it down even if I wanted to. And if I did, I’d have a riot on my hands. But we’re trying to keep an eye out for any signs of corruption and get those affected to the asylum before it’s too late. Symptoms are obsessive devotion to one’s work, which is…generally encouraged among faculty and the graduate students, to be honest. So it’s not an especially great metric. And no one at the school trusts us. Though we’ve managed to get a couple before they went too far, like Professor Westman, who’s been making our guards-“

“Making guards?”

Immediate flopsweat. “Ah, er, one of our earliest projects after the Headmaster went on sabbatical, we made a formula, we call it the Green Stuff – er, it allows for a far more economical method of producing…flesh golems? Westman spends his days sewing body parts together, I try to stay out of it. I have a rather fragile constitution.”

Ah.

That explains a lot.

…Ew.

After a bit of waffling about Fun Uses For Flesh Golems, we ask about the escapees in the catacombs. Unfortunately, they’ve hit a snag: the ethicists, being on a separate campus and all, don’t really know how to navigate the tunnels. And the catacombs are traditionally place for shenanigans among students.

We’re gonna need to find the hardest-partying frat bro on campus if we wanna get down there.

While two foreigners, a hick, and a guy who actually studied instead of partying try to figure out how we’re gonna do that, we’ll cut session.

Fun Fact! The deans of the colleges – Dean Elana Damrosch (Medicine), Dean Javier Mendoza (Engineering), Dean Chidor (Ethics), and Dean Tahan (Science), are named after the characters of the Good Place. We couldn’t resist having Chidi be our ethicist. Dean Mendoza is, of course, a pyromancer.

[bamby0304]

She Howls III: Alpha

Summary: Angela had spent the last year growing as a person and a werewolf, learning how to control herself and manage both her ordinary and supernatural life. Finally, it seemed as if things were settling down, allowing her to have a moment to breathe. That is until a pack made entirely of alphas, and a mass-murdering stranger came to town and start tearing everything apart.

Ch.5 Hecatolite

Story Masterlist

Bamby

My eyes fluttered open, meeting Derek’s as he looked down at me, already awake. We were still in bed, the sun shining through the large windows of the loft. During the night we’d naturally shifted in our sleep, but Derek had pulled me to him again, so when I woke up I would be in his arms.

“Morning.” He offered a small smile which didn’t quite reach his eyes.

I didn’t return the smile. “Morning.” Pulling away, I sat up and stretched, before looking towards the window. He was right behind me, leaning over to press a kiss to my shoulder. “You got any plans today?” I asked him.

“No. Was hoping we could stay in for a change. Spend some time together,” he suggested.

Slowly, I nodded. “Yeah. That sounds good.” Though by the lack of enthusiasm in my tone, it was obvious nothing was good.

“Angela,” he sighed. “I know you’re worried, but there’s nothing we can do until we hear from Scott and Stiles.”

“I know.” I looked behind my, meeting his eyes again. “Just… thinking about Erica and Boyd… I can’t help but wonder what they’ve been through the last few months. What are they doing to them? Why are they doing it?”

“I don’t know.” He brushed my hair away from my shoulder. “But I know we’re not going to stress about it. Not right now, at least.”

“Easier said than done, Derek.” Tossing the sheets off me, I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and pulled myself to my feet.

Reaching for the ground, I grabbed Derek’s shirt and pulled it on before walking over to the dining table. The shirt was more like a dress on me, long enough to cover everything that needed covering. Isaac was still around, and the last thing I needed was for him to see me half naked- not that it would be the first time…

Grabbing one of the books off the table, I started to flick through it, skimming the words, trying to find something useful.

Sighing, Derek pulled himself up and grabbed his pants, tugging them on. Reaching for the bedside table, he pulled something out of its top drawer, and shoved it into the pocket of his sweats, before he started towards me. Reaching for the book, he closed and set it back on the table. We’d been through the books a few times now, they weren’t going to help us.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately.”

“You’ve had a lot on your plate,” I shrugged, “I get it.”

“Doesn’t make it right,” he countered. “I missed out on your graduation, your college orientation, your interview the other day… your birthday.”

During the last four months, I’d turned nineteen. There was no big party or anything. I did the same thing I did every year. Dinner with Scott, Stiles and mum. Then she went to work while the guys and I hung out. I never made a big deal about it. Derek not being there was okay considering what he’d been dealing with.

“I didn’t get the chance to give you anything.”

Turning in his arms, I offered a small reassuring smile. “You didn’t have to. I don’t need anything, Derek.”

“I know, but I still wanted to get you something.” He looked down as he reached into the pocket of his sweats. “Which is why I got you this.”

He pulled out a small black box. A small black jewellery box.

My eyes went wide. I was speechless. I hadn’t been expecting this. I hadn’t been expecting anything.

Slowly, he opened the box. Inside sat a beautiful, this gold chain with a stone pendant- a little smaller than a penny- hanging from it. The stone was gorgeous, a kind of pearly white colour, shiny, smooth… it looked like a full moon…

“A moonstone.” This time when I smiled it was more genuine.

Derek pulled the necklace out of the box and moved around me. I pulled my hair up and out of the way as he clipped the piece into place. He didn’t say anything, he just let his fingers lightly brush my skin, his touch speaking a thousand words.

Once it was in place, I turned so I could face him again before leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I love it. Thank you.”

He smiled in return, leaning down to kiss me again.

…

All day, Derek and I had stayed in. Just the two of us. Turns out we’d been right last night when we said Isaac was still recovering, because he didn’t get up once. I’d gotten a little worried and went up to check on him, but he seemed to be okay, so I left him and went back to Derek.

We spent most of the day just hanging out. I was going through one of the textbooks for college, while he surfed the net in the hopes of getting answers before Scott and Stiles finished school for the day. The longer the day dragged on the harder it was to ignore what we were going to do later that night.

Eventually I convinced him to go out and get some food, or coffees, anything, it didn’t matter. I just needed him to find a distraction, even if it was for just a moment or so.

I was sitting on the couch, still flicking through my textbook, when a distinctive scent hit my nose. Looking up with a groan, I prayed my senses were wrong, even though I knew they weren’t. A few seconds later the door was pulled open.

Peter stepped in, smirking in my direction.

Rolling my eyes, I turned back to my book. “Derek’s not here.”

“Who said I was here to see Derek?” He closed the door behind him before starting towards the couch.

I shrugged. “Well, no one else here has the time or energy to deal with your annoying ass. Go away.”

“Now, now, Angela, is that anyway to talk to a friend?”

“We’re not friends, Peter,” I countered.

He dropped onto the couch, next to me, so close we were almost touching. “We could be. I for one would love to be your friend.”

Shifting away from him, I shook my head once. “No thank you.”

“You know, I’m not that bad once you get to know me.”

Sighing, I closed my book and turned to him. “Peter, we’re never going to be friends. So, stop trying.” Pulling myself up, I started for the hallway, headed for the bathroom to get away from him.

…

Night had fallen a little while ago. The full moon was fast approaching now, we were running out of time.

Scott and Stiles had come over as soon as they could, bringing files, documents, maps and blueprints with them. They’d brought anything that could help us with the bank. The two of them now stood with Derek and I around the dining table in Derek’s loft, while Peter sat on the winding stairs, listening to the plan.

“Okay. You see this?” Stiles gestured to the blueprints of the bank that were laid but on Derek’s dining table. “This is how they got in. It's a rooftop air conditioning vent. Leads down inside into the wall of the vault, which is here.” He drew a red circle around it. “Okay?

“One of the robbers was lowered into this shaft. Now, that space is so small, it took him about 12 hours to drill into that wall, which is stone, by the way. Then throughout the rest of the night, they siphoned the cash up to the guys back on the roof through that one little shaft in the wall. Boom.”

Scott leaned forward to look at the space Stiles was talking about. “Can we fit in there?” He didn’t very hopeful.

“Yes, we can, but very, very barely,” Stiles noted. “And they also patched the wall, obviously, so we're gonna need a drill of some kind. I'm thinking maybe a diamond bit-”

Derek cut him off, “Look, forget the drill.”

A little annoyed, Stiles turned to him. “Sorry?

“If I go in first, how much space do I have?” Derek asked, still looking down at the drawings.

Shaking his head, Stiles gave Scott and I an exasperated look before turning back to the Alpha. “What do you what do you think you're gonna do, Derek? You gonna punch through the wall?”

Folding his arms over his chest, Derek turned to him with a sighed. “Yes, Stiles, I'm gonna punch through the wall.”

“Okay, okay, big guy. Let's see it.” Stiles gestured to Derek’s hand. “Let's see that fist. Big, ol’ fist. Make it, come on. Get it out there. Don't be scared. Big, bad wolf. Yeah, look at that.”

Derek lifted his fist, looking to Peter with a knowing and impatient glare. Peter shook his head, chuckling lightly.

“Okay, see this?” Grabbing Derek’s wrist with one hand, Stiles held up his other in front of it. “That's maybe 3 inches of room to gather enough force to punch through solid co-”

Derek pushed his fist forward and punched Stiles’ hand.

Stiles stumbled back from the force. “Ah! Ah! He could do it.”

I gave Derek a disapproving look. “Was that really necessary?”

“Yes,” he answered simply, moving to leaning his hands on the table. “I'll get through the wall. Who's following me down?” His eyes turned to Peter again.

Peter shook his head. “Don't look at me. I'm not up to fighting speed yet, and honestly, with Isaac out of commission, you're not looking at very good odds for yourself.”

“What, is he just supposed to leave them? Let them die?” I glared at Peter.

“One of them is already dead,” he countered.

“We don't know that,” Derek insisted.

“Do I have to remind you what we're up against here?” Peter looked to each of us. “A pack of Alphas. All of them, killers. And if that's not enough to scare your testicles back into your stomach, try to remember that two of them combine bodies to form one giant Alpha.” He sighed, looking away in mock sympathy. “I'm sure Erica and Boyd were sweet kids. They're gonna be missed.”

“Could someone kill him again, please?” Stiles asked.

“This is why we don’t like you, Peter,” I added.

Shaking his head at me, Peter than turned to his nephew. “Derek, seriously? Not worth the risk.”

Ignoring him, Derek turned to the rest of us. “What about you?”

Stiles shrugged. “Yeah, if you want me to come-”

Rolling his eyes, Derek cut him off again, “Not you.”

“Scott and Angela?” Stiles gestured to us.

“Yes, us.” I grinned at him.

Nodding, he stepped aside a little.

Scott shrugged. “I don't know about Erica. But if Boyd's still alive, we have to do something. We have to try.”

“But?” Derek pressed.

“Who's the other girl? The one locked in there with Boyd?” Scott asked.

“I don’t care who she is. They need our help, that’s all that matters,” I noted. “So, are we going, or not?”

Derek nodded, moving to leave, but he only managed to turn and take two steps before Peter spoke up, stopping him in his tracks.

“Do you really think taking Angela is a great idea?” Peter asked, not looking at any of us, his eyes set on the night sky outside.

Folding my arms over my chest, I glared at him again. “And why wouldn’t it be?”

“Full moon, pack of Alphas, and the chance of you getting your heat…” he turned to give Derek a pointed look, “it’s a recipe for disaster.”

Derek sighed, head falling and eyes closing as if he hated what he was going to say next. “He’s right.”

Looking from Derek to Peter, glaring lightly, I then turned back to Derek, shaking my head. “No, he’s not. We don’t even know if I’ll get my heat tonight. Or ever. I haven’t had it for four months. I might not get it again.”

“We can’t risk it.” Stepping up to me, Derek brushed my hair over my shoulder as his eyes met mine. He gave me that look, the one where his gaze softened, like nothing else mattered but me. That look that made me melt. “I’ll feel better knowing you’re safe here.”

“With Peter?” I pointed out, fighting the urge to give into his look.

“Hey, I’ll be here too,” Stiles assured me.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “and so will Peter.” I gestured to the older werewolf before looking back at Derek yet again. “You really want me here with him when there’s a chance I might get my heat? You trust him enough to do that?”

“I’m right here, you know,” Peter called.

Still choosing to ignore his uncle, Derek continued to focus on me. “I trust you enough to leave you here with him.” Leaning down, he pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “I’ll call you once we’re out of there.”

Just like that, he pulled away, turned and headed for the door. Scott was right behind him, offering an apologetic glance before the two of the walked out of the loft, closing the door behind them.

…

Much like Isaac had yesterday morning before Peter had come, Stiles was now pacing in front of the loft window. Chewing on his nail, looking up at the rising full moon, he fidgeted with nerves. “I can't take waiting around like this, you know? It's nerve-racking. My nerves are racked. They're severely racked,” he exclaimed. “Racked.”

“I could beat you unconscious and wake you when it's over,” Peter offered from where he sat on the couch, legs stretched out onto the coffee table, head resting back as he closed his eyes.

I glared at him from where I sat on Derek’s bed, legs folded underneath me. “Don’t be an asshole,” I told him as I fiddled with my necklace.

He opened one eye and looked at me as he cracked a grin. “I can’t help it.”

“You think Erica's really dead?” Stiles suddenly asked as he stopped moving for a moment.

“You think I really care?” Peter countered.

I shook my head, trying to ignore the jack-ass werewolf as I focused on my best friend. “I don’t know. But I hope not.”

Stiles nodded at my answer, pacing again. “I just I don't understand the bank, though, okay? Like, why wouldn't they chain them up in some underground lair or something? They're an Alpha pack, right? So shouldn't they have a lair?

“They're werewolves, not bond villains,” Peter countered.

“Wait a sec.” Stiles seemed to have an idea. “Wait a sec. Maybe they're living there. You know? Like, maybe the bank vault reminds them of their little wolf dens.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little at his naivety.

“Wolf dens?” Peter asked, eyes still closed.

“Yeah, wolf dens.” Stiles nodded as if it was that simple. “Where do you live?”

Opening his eyes, lifting his head from the back of the couch as he looked to Stiles, Peter answered, “In an underground network of caves hidden deep in the woods.”

“Whoa, really?” Stiles was impressed.

“He’s joking, Stiles,” I noted, shaking my head a little, still smiling lightly.

“Idiot.” Peter leaned back and closed his eyes again, clasping his hands together and resting them in his lap. “I have an apartment downtown.”

“Okay, fine,” Stiles shrugged, “but still, that just proves that there's something up with the bank. And why wait around for the full moon, huh? Why not just kill them whenever they want to?”

“Maybe they think it's poetic,” Peter suggested a little sarcastically.

“They've already had three full moons to be poetic,” Stiles countered.

“And here you've only had one full hour to be so annoy-” Peter cut himself short, sitting upright.

“No, go ahead, finish what you were saying,” Stiles pressed. “I'm an… I'm annoy… what were you gonna say there?” He clearly couldn’t see the concerned look on Peter’s face, but I could.

Unfolding my legs, I stood from the bed. “What’s wrong?”

“What are the walls made of?” Peter asked, getting up as well.

“What?” Stiles was confused at first, but he just shrugged, looking around the room to give an answer. “Uh… I don't know, like, wood and brick or-”

Moving to the dining table, Peter cut him off, “No, the vault. The vault, the walls, what are they made out of?” He started going through the documents on the table. “Where would it say that? Doesn't say anything.” Frustrated, he turned to Stiles. “Where… where would it say the materials, the type of stone?”

“Oh. Oh, hang on.” Stiles hurried to his bag. “Yeah, here, hang on. Here.” He pulled out a large file, handing it to Peter. “It's gotta be in there.”

I walked over, standing next to Peter as he began to flick through the papers. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know yet,” he mumbled, skimming the pages. “But if I’m right… Scott and Derek are heading straight for a trap.”

That had to be the worst thing you could ever say to me. Hearing that there’s a chance my brother and boyfriend might be walking into a trap made my stomach drop and heart stop.

Two of the most important people in my life were possibly in danger, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was stuck here, useless. They could be in danger, right not, with no help and no idea what they might be walking into,

“There, that's it.” Peter pointed to one of the pages.

Stiles and I leaned closer on either side of the Beta, looking at the word he was pointing at.

“’Hecatolite’,” I read aloud.

“Is that awful?” Stiles asked. “That sounds awful.”

Pulling away from the document, Peter turned to me. “Get 'em on the phone. Call them. You call Derek.” He turned to Stiles. “You call Scott. Now!”

Jumping at the urgency of his tone, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and started to dial Derek’s number.

“Okay, why?” Stiles asked as he pulled out his phone.

“'Cause Boyd and that girl aren't gonna kill each other,” Peter explained. “They're gonna kill Derek and Scott.”

…

They hadn’t answered right away. It took a couple of tries before Scott answered Stiles’ call- which he then put on loudspeaker so Peter and I could listen as well. I was relieved at first, until I heard the tone of Scott’s voice.

“Stiles, now is not the best time,” he noted, sounding as if he was going to hang up.

“Scott!” Stiles called out quickly, stopping him. “Scott! No, listen to me, okay? Look, you gotta get outta there. Look, the walls of the vault are made with a mineral called hecatolite. It scatters the moonlight.”

“What does that mean?” Scott asked, having no idea what Stiles was talking about.

“We're here to get you out, okay?” I heard Derek in the background.

“Look, it keeps the moonlight out, okay? They haven't felt the full moon in months,” Stiles explained.

“Think of it like the gladiators in the Roman colosseum,” Peter elaborated for him. “They used to starve the lions for three days, making them more vicious, more out of control. Deucalion has kept them from shifting for three full moons, diminishing their tolerance to it.”

“Scott, they’re gonna be a lot strong and faster than usual,” I added.

“More savage, more bloodthirsty…” Peter shook his head. “Scott, they're the lions. They're the starved lions, and you and Derek just stepped into the colosseum.”

“Derek, we got a problem, a really big problem.”

But instead of responding to Scott, something else must have caught Derek’s attention. “Cora?”

“Who?” Scott asked.

“Cora?” Derek repeated.

“Derek, get out,” a girl spoke up, her voice strained as if she was trying to hold back. “Get out now!”

When no one else spoke, Stiles called out into the phone. “Scott? Hey, Scott! Scott!”

“No.” Scott’s voice came through, but he wasn’t talking to us. “No! Wait!”

The sound of wild werewolves growling and roaring echoed through the phone, followed by the sound of a fight.

I snatched the phone from Stiles. “Scott? Derek? Guys, are you there?!” My heart raced as the sound of the fight got worse and worse. “Guys?!”

The line went dead.

Quickly turning, I started for the door without a word.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Peter hurried after me, grabbing my arm to pull me to a stop.

I spun on my heels to glare to him. “I’m going to help them!”

“Derek would want you to stay here,” he argued, grip on my arm tightening.

“Derek is my boyfriend. Not my keeper. Not my Alpha.” Flashing my golden yellow eyes at him as I gave a low and warning growl, I snapped my arm out of his grasp. “I’m going.”

“Me too.” We all turned to see Isaac standing halfway down the stairs. “They’re gonna need all the help they can get.”

Bamby

[first-only]

Saw the Earn it act was back and had to pour myself a Jack and Coke

It feels like everything is just getting worse, I'm not even American, but whatever effects them effects us all (especially when it comes to the internet), let's be honest.

You've been alive longer than me (I presume anyway) how do you deal with shit like this?

Back in college I had to do a pretty standard research paper on some personality characteristics, mostly to teach us the basics of statistics and gathering subjects and the like. What really surprised me back then was that on the Resilience scale, older people scored much higher than younger on average. I had to analyze my results for the prof so I actually turned to my parents for a clue how to interpret this – afterall all my life I had witnessed the absolute dramatic reaction to social change mostly from older people and the full acceptance from younger on average. What my parents accurately caught and I didn’t was that Resilience is not necessarily your reaction to /change/ but to /tragedy/. Younger people didn’t see queerness for example as a horrible social development so they had no trouble accepting it. While older people on average have lived through many more personal and societal Bad Times, so they had built up more Resilience and thus scored higher (while of course still keeping some moral outrage for *some* things lol).

Of course a key point here is that /correlation is not causation/. Not all older people are more resilient, not all younger people are less, resilience is not necessarily built through living through and witnessing tragedy. You can’t take these things as Law, more as likelihood.

My point here is that there will /always/ be some bad things happening around you, and some will actively affect you, some will even happen *to* you. Life is one thing after the other and sometimes they overlap as the tumblr post goes. At some point you just learn to live with it. This too shall pass, it won’t always be like that, etc. Key here is that.. life just. Goes on. Yes the internet has been changed drastically and it will change again. Politics, personal life, friends’ lives, family. It will always be something and life will always go on. Even if your mundane everyday life is marred by tragedy, you will still have to eat, and sit around, and see the sky, and have a moment to just look around. Those small mundane things make our everyday and carry us through any horrible background.

And I know, I *know* this sounds like a ‘you get used to it’ or desensitization, but it’s more of ‘we will live, and we will see’. If you give all of your mental energy to the current crisis, and the one after, and the one concurrent, you *will* burn out. I’m not saying ignore everything and bathe in apathy, activism is a noble cause and it actually helps a lot of people deal with the emotional crisis of tragedy. But even if you dedicate your life to helping, you still have to learn self-regulation and personal detachment skills. Throwing it all in one thing will you leave you empty for the next. Especially when it comes to grand and immaterial causes like net neutrality, that are fought less in the streets by common people and more in courtrooms by experts (that do need support still), emotional burnout will not let you deal with personal and smaller issuer where you can actually actively help and make yourself feel better.

Don’t forget the good things. Paying attention to everything means also seeing the good around you. Be it globally and internationally or personally, even the mundane everyday things, the building blocks of reality. Of course we can’t be unaffected, but the positive needs to counteract the negative or we’re headed straight for an emotional crisis. Have a jack and coke, complain and vent to friends, escape reality in creativity or games or media. But don’t drown the negative, just remember, *life goes on*. Even if the law passes, we will see tomorrow again. There’s a 12 feet ladder for every 11 feet wall. The ways might be different, might be more complicated, but there’s always a way. You will have another jack and coke some day, and then again. There will be a controversial law again someday, and then again. We will try our best to do what we can about it, and then we will sit down and have dinner with our families. Tragedies will always happen, but we need the good to feed our fight with the bad. We need the stepping ladder, the foundation, of the mundane to go on with the extra. Change is gradual and humans are adaptive. You get out of bed, and tomorrow comes, and you get food, and meet people, go to bed again. Day to day. Support this cause or the other, fight in what little way you can. Take care of yourself and don’t let fear paralyze you. Be aware and know where we’re headed but don’t let the road crumble beneath you even before you’ve stepped on it. One thing at a time but all happen all together in the great scheme of things. Step by step. It’s okay. We’ll be okay.

[feralgodmothers]

Hmmmm. I like Marty. I don’t like how the writing in season seven changed him. Although. I do kinda understand why he pretended to not know Rory. It’s the whole mars/venue double standard thing I hate. So really I’m just miffed that the writing fell back on a tired trope.

Mitchum had a point. And it didn’t really matter if he sugarcoated it or not. Either way. Rory was gonna spiral. Remember the incredible sinking Lorelai’s? She doesn’t like failing. However minor. So yeah. Mitchum had a point. And Rory was gonna go nuts however he said it

I agree about Marty. I liked him, and then s7 made him really weird for no reason. I kinda shipped him with Rory (because he came along when I was still watching the show with hopes that Rory would do what I wanted her to do, rather than just seeing how things played out). I remember thinking that the way they met was really cute, and would be a funny story for their hypothetical future children once they got old enough. Like “You know how we always said ‘we met at college’? Well, here’s what really happened…” 😂 But idk. I liked how chill and straightforward he was, but I guess that’s not Rory’s thing. I think he’s pretty underrated in the fandom. (Like how are there more people who ship Rory with Tristan than with Marty??? If you’re gonna ship her with somebody she’s not into, then the least you could do is ship her with the guy who didn’t bully her, lol)

I kind of agree about Mitchum too. I’ve seen arguments from every side, and I see where they’re all coming from - but my gut says that he was right, and maybe what drew him to that conclusion was wrong. Like - no, I don’t think he needed to sugarcoat it. He wasn’t even that harsh - it was just blunt and seemingly out of nowhere. I don’t know much about the journaling business, so I don’t know how likely it is that someone like Mitchum could discern the “it factor” in interns. Maybe there’s something to it, idk. Maybe it’s true that some interns do put themselves out there and shove their way into places they “don’t belong”, and that that’s a good indicator for success in the field. But I would think that - just like with most fields - there would be naturals, and there would be those who could train themselves to be whatever they needed to be to do the work. So yeah - maybe Rory wasn’t the naturally ruthless go-getter she needed to be for this career, but she had the potential to learn imo (if we ignore AYITL lol). Giving her a head’s up of what was expected might have been nice, but Mitchum’s not a nice guy. And that’s the thing - some people aren’t nice. She had to deal with Paris in school, who (at least in the beginning) actively tried to tear her down, and Rory persevered exceptionally through that. I can only figure that this was the first time Rory had to face someone in authority doubting her abilities, and I can sympathize with her to an extent on that, but… GIRL. Having a full-on crisis over it was insane, and watching her essentially prove him right for a period of time was disappointing. I was very happy to see her return with renewed zeal after she put herself back on track though. That’s what gave me hope that she could eventually become who she needed to be for this line of work. But honestly - the thing that had me doubting Rory’s journaling skills the most, and was never really addressed - was the fact that she would cave every time she was confronted about an article she wrote. Again - I know virtually nothing about being a journalist, so I can’t say whether the pieces Rory did on the ballerina or on trust fund kids were “good” from a journalism perspective, but if I remember right - the kind of journalism Rory wanted to do would have been very controversial, and would have had lots of people become angry with her (including powerful people in authority). So if anything, Rory really needed to develop a crazy-strong backbone, a clear head for what was right to report, and a readiness to stand by the things she wrote. And for me - that’s what she didn’t have, and I’m not so sure she learned it either. I would have liked to see her succeed, but it just… didn’t happen.

[bad-surprise]

For the writer ask game! (answer however many you want I'm just way too curious lol)

❤️💥🚀🥳🌻💛🔮(asking for a friend for that one 😅)🎨

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

again, i can’t pick a definitive favorite, but i’m really proud of this bit from chapter 4 of the shark in your water

If ever a need should arise for Galadriel to provide a full physical description of Halbrand— if he were to go missing or something— she feels certain she would struggle to provide a cohesive image. Her mind breaks him down into pieces, as though the sum total of the man is far beyond her processing capacity. Every attempt to consider him as a whole leaves her stranded in the same limbo she encounters when peering at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror for too long. He exists as a hand on her skin, the curve of a shoulder, a set of smirking lips, or, most frequently, varying shades of green.

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

i write a non-canon ship so i think i’d probably want to make that canon so we could end the silly arguments around it haha

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

up until a few months ago i was huge on outlining. now i tend to keep more of a loose, very flexible concept in my head, and i might write down key moments. i almost always know the ending before i begin, but so many of my favorite bits of my fics have come about well into writing them.

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

i abandoned a novel in 2019 and didn’t write a word for two years while dealing with some health issues that i still haven’t fully recovered from.

i really lost my confidence during that time and felt completely incapable of doing anything for myself, but decided i wanted to write again right around the time rings of power came out. i wrote a novel while reading other fics, then in december finally decided to take a chance and post my own work and now y’all can’t get rid of me.

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

in their entirety? almost never. as they get longer i find myself needing to go back more frequently to check that the general shape of the fic feels correct, but i find it really cringe inducing to read my own work until a significant amount of time has passed. i generally think everything i write is trash until i have at least a month away from it.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

i think i’ve found a lot more freedom in writing since i started writing haladriel. i remember sitting in college classes and feeling envious of my classmates because it felt like they had no internal censor. through writing this ship— and particularly writing dark content— i’ve really been able dismantle a lot of my preconcieved notions about myself and my writing. i don’t know if that’s a decent answer, but it’s the one i’ve got.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

oof. i really struggle with this. the biggest thing i would say is that it’s a lot easier to write if you’re letting yourself be a full person. i always say i’m too busy to read, but when i find time for it, the difference in my work is incredible. i also would say maybe try another creative pursuit that isn’t writing?

but more than anything? just remind yourself that it will pass. you will write again, even if it feels impossible.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

i answered this in the last ask i got, but honestly, the idea of anyone making fanart for my silly little stories makes me smile.