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justagalwhowrites · 10 months

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Halcyon - Ch. 1: Can I Buy You a Beer?

You run into someone you don't expect when out for a drink. A continuation of Halcyon, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Yes it's a Javi gif but we're gonna say he's Joel because Joel is in his 30s for this fic, OK?

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 5.7K

AO3 | Prologue | Next Chapter

Austin, Texas

September 30, 2022

You were going to strangle Alyssa.

It sure as hell hadn’t been your idea to go out drinking to celebrate the end of the first month of the school year. Definitely not your idea to do it at a bar that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned this decade. And it absolutely was not your idea to try to pick up a guy while out at said dingy bar.

But it apparently was Alyssa’s idea of a good time.

You sighed as you watched people go to and from the bar from your seat tucked in the corner. You tried to come up with stories for the people you could see in the dim light, like they were characters in a book you were writing. The biker in a leather vest, you decided, had been an accountant for 20 years when he bought a Harley during his midlife crisis. He’d become a mechanic when he became too obsessed with the bike to be satisfied behind a desk. His wife was pissed but his son thought he was way cooler now. The couple at the end of the bar were on a second… no, third date. She was deciding whether or not to fuck him. You thought it was going to go in his favor.

Alyssa had moved out of the seat next to the guy she’d taken up with and into his lap. You wondered if there was a world record for how far someone’s tongue could be down another person’s throat. It had to trigger her gag reflex at some point, right? Or maybe she didn’t have one. That must be nice. Maybe that was the key to being good at oral. Maybe you’d be better at it if you didn’t have a gag reflex. Maybe you’d still have a husband if you were better at oral.

You downed the last of your Shiner and rapped your fingers along the side of the glass. That was one upside to being back in Texas, at least. Shiner Bock on tap was a nice perk.

Next time you went out with Alyssa, you were driving yourself. If there was a next time.

But you’d probably cave before too long. You didn’t have many friends and you liked her. Even though this night hadn’t been much fun and getting to know her at all had been awkward at first. Alyssa was a few years younger than you and the first time she’d stumbled into your office she had your book in her hands and a wide smile on her face.

“I am so sorry if this is weird,” she said after a brief introduction. “But… I’m in love with your book and I am dying for you to sign it!”

“Sure,” you laughed a little and she passed it to you. You flipped to the title page and scrawled “Alyssa, Thanks for reading. With love, your coworker” before you penned the signature you’d practiced a million times with your agent below and handed it back. She squeaked, a little giddy, before offering to show you the best restaurants near campus. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that you’d grown up in Austin so you had plenty of favorites without any extra help.

Still, you had this strange drive to have Alyssa see you as a normal person. Award-winning author famous was, thankfully, not the kind to get you recognized on the street but it still made you uncomfortable. Book signings and readings were exercises in misery. There was the acute agony of being observed and noted, the strange knowledge that, for these strangers, this brief encounter was going to be something they remembered. They’d remember if you had a mustard stain on your shirt or if there was lipstick on your teeth or if the stress you were under as you traveled from city to city while your marriage fell to pieces around you made you snap at someone. You never realized how keenly you valued anonymity until it wasn’t an option anymore.

The very last thing you wanted was someone who was a fan with an office two doors down from your own.

So, you’d decided to have her be a friend instead. Make it so she saw you as a person and not someone from the inside of a book jacket. The two of you had gone to lunch a few times and out for a quick drink once, too. It had been nice and, ever since, it felt like she had stopped watching you like a pseudo-celebrity and started seeing you as a friend. Or, at the very least, a friendly acquaintance.

So when she’d asked if you wanted to get some drinks tonight, you’d said yes, envisioning the lounge she’d suggested the first time you’d gone out, one with jazz music playing quietly enough that you could chat over it.

That was not where she suggested this time.

But you were already here and edging in on tipsy and if you were going to spend the night alone at a bar and, eventually, at home with your vibrator, you may as well be drunk doing it.

You made your way to the bar and ordered a tequila shot and another beer, drumming your fingers on the bar top as you waited for your drinks.

“Well hey there, beautiful,” a man who had to have at least 10 years on you sidled up next to you at the bar. “What’s a pretty thing like you doin’ getting your own drinks?”

“No one else was volunteering,” you gave him a tight smile. “But I’m not looking for company so…”

“Don’t tell me you’re here all by your lonesome?” He smiled a lopsided, cocky smile, looking you up and down. The accent felt a little heavy handed and the cowboy hat put it over the top. You wondered, idly, if he was hiding a bald spot under there.

“I prefer flying solo, but thank you,” you said, peering around him to watch the bartender flirt with a girl who looked like she was newly 21 and probably here slumming it at this bar that was far from the school. You sighed and settled in to wait even longer for your drinks.

“Girl as pretty as you shouldn’t be all on her own,” he said, leaning against the bar and blocking your view. “No way someone hasn’t snapped you up yet, a face like that…”

“Oh my face has nothing to do with it,” you smiled, forcing your eyes to go wide enough that you looked a little crazed. “It’s because I’m a murderous sociopath with six bodies buried beneath my house.”

The man just blinked at you, a puzzled look on his face. You could practically see the wheels turning in his head and you considered, for a moment, timing him to see how long it would take to piece it together.

“She’s right you know,” a familiar voice from behind you made you stiffen. “There's a reason she's here alone. This one’s insane, she’d chew you up and spit you out, man. Best you find someone else to try n’take home.”

“Sorry, man,” he said. “Didn’t know she was spoken for.”

You watched the man shove himself back from the bar and prowl off to find another woman to try and bed before turning, slowly, to the man standing at your back. Your heart beat picked up in spite of yourself when you saw him, as tall and broad and somehow even more handsome than ever.

Joel Miller smiled, one of his cocky, lopsided smiles that made his cheek dimple.

“Hey, Goldie.”

***

It was you.

Here, in this shitty bar in his corner of Austin on a Friday night was you.

Joel froze when he saw you, sitting in a corner by yourself, watching the bar with a far away look on your face.

It was a look he knew intimately, even though it had been 11 years since he’d last seen your face in person. You’d get that look when you were thinking about something important, something you wanted to remember. You’d have that look and then you’d open up that gold notebook of yours and write furiously for a minute or two before stashing it away.

“You ever gonna let me read any of that?” He’d teased one day as you sat, curled up in the corner of his couch, your notebook on your knees.

“No,” you scoffed. “Trust me, you don’t want anywhere near this disaster area. It’s basically just the word vomit version of my brain, it’s a mess up there.”

Joel didn’t push you on it but, truthfully, he’d have killed for a chance to see inside your mind for a moment. He wanted to crawl inside your skull and look at whatever you’d let him see. He wanted to memorize you, carry you with him, wrap himself up in you at every opportunity. You felt like home, more than anything else he’d ever had. Of course he wanted to be close enough to you to see inside your mind.

But that was a long time ago. Yes, it had been 11 years since he’d seen you but it had been even longer since he’d seen you when you weren’t pissed at him. In fairness, he was pretty pissed at you, too, but you’d started it.

And he wasn’t even sure why. He didn’t know what set you off to begin with. One night it was prom and the next thing he knew, you were gone. Taking off across the country before graduation without so much as a goodbye. You changed your number and your mom wouldn’t give it to him and you were just gone. Like the two of you hadn’t spent every day together for the last three years, like he had all meant nothing at all to you.

Joel saved up the money to buy a bus ticket to your fancy fucking college, intending to find you there and demand an explanation, but that hadn’t gone as planned. He just settled into not knowing and not understanding why the most important relationship in his life had been ripped away from him without a word.

But it had been a long time. He’d moved past the resentment of it and now he was all but awestruck at seeing you again.

“Hey, do you want…” Tommy’s voice trailed off and his eyes tracked where Joel’s were looking. “Holy fucking shit, is that…”

“Yup.”

“Did you know she…”

“Yup.”

Tommy was quiet for a moment.

“Know she was gonna be here?”

“Hell no.”

Joel caught a glimpse of his brother nodding out of the corner of his eye - he wasn’t about to stop looking at you, he was worried if he did you might disappear again - and sighed.

“You gonna talk to her?” Tommy asked after a moment.

“No idea.”

“Shit dude,” Tommy clapped his hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Good luck with… whatever the fuck is gonna happen there.”

Joel glared at him for a second but kept his eyes on you. One of the other guys on the crew went to get the first round, something he appreciated because it meant he could keep watching you at a distance. He wasn’t sure what the fuck to say to you and he wasn’t about to just go talk to you with nothing to say.

But then you went to the bar and a guy was clearly annoying the hell out of you and, before he really knew what he was doing, he was heading for you.

“Hey, Goldie.”

You looked at him for a moment. You looked as surprised to see him as he was to see you.

“Hey, Joel.”

He smiled a little wider.

“Can I buy you a beer?” He asked.

“You’re a bit late, I’m afraid,” you said. “Already put it on my tab. But that’s assuming the bartender remembers I exist which seems like it might be aiming a bit high…”

Joel hung over the bar and hit the top of it a few times.

“Hey, Jimmy!” He yelled. The bartender whipped his head around. “Stop fuckin’ around, get my friend her shit, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, turning back to the woman he was talking to for a second before making you a shot first and then pouring your beer. He set both in front of you at the same time.

“Thank you,” you said, both to Joel and to Jimmy, and you did the shot, wincing as the tequila went down.

Joel whistled

“Shit, you lookin’ to get fucked up?”

“Well,” you coughed a little on the liquor before taking a sip of beer. “I already need to take an Uber home because the friend I came with is currently being devoured by that charming gentleman over there…” You nodded to a man at a table against the wall, a brunette draped across his lap who looked to be surgically connected to the man at the mouth. “So I figured, fuck it, may as well get hammered.”

Joel laughed a little at that.

“Since you’ve got no one else to get hammered with,” he shrugged. “Want to do it with me? Catch up a bit?”

You thought for a second, taking a sip of beer.

“Sure,” you said. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Joel got a beer, too, and followed you back to your table before he settled in beside you. Part of it felt so natural, being next to you, but it was so different, too. You were different, fuck knows he was different.

“So,” he said, watching you. “You’re in town.”

“I am,” you nodded.

“Visiting Anna?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. It had made news, the fact that you were coming to teach at UT.

“Work,” you said. “Moved back a few months ago.”

“So what do you do now?” He asked. “For work, I mean.”

“Teach, mostly,” you said. “I’m at UT now. Literature and creative writing.”

“Seems right up your alley,” he nodded. “Always liked that sorta thing. You ever write that book?”

You nodded, taking another sip of beer.

“Yeah,” you said. “Just one, though.”

“Ever publish it?”

“Yeah,” you nodded again. “A few years ago…” Joel laughed and you frowned. “What?”

“You really think I don’t know you wrote a fuckin’ book?” He asked. “Course I know you wrote a fuckin’ book. Jesus, Goldie, your name is on fuckin’ posters and shit! You think I live under a rock?”

You laughed.

“You dick!” You shoved him playfully. “Look, you’re basically illiterate, I didn’t want to assume…”

“Hey just because I do shit besides read does not mean I’m illiterate!” He laughed. “You’re just a nerd…”

“You only finished high school because I’m a nerd,” you rolled your eyes. “Pretty sure your coach was ready to make me an honorary member of the team since me hounding you about homework was the only thing that kept your ass grade eligible.”

“Oh, you were the MVP,” he smiled, watching you take another sip of your beer and you smiled that amused little smile, the one you had when you were humoring him, the same one you’d had since you were 15 years old. “No question about it.”

“Since you know all about me apparently,” you teased. “What’s been going on with you?”

Joel shrugged, taking a drink. Mostly to buy himself time.

Did he want to admit to you that he’d all but taken his life and driven it into the ground since he last saw you?

Not that he ever felt like he had much potential, anyway. You and his mom had been the only people who’d ever really seen anything in him. But then you left and she died and was he even failing anybody anymore? Certainly not himself. And everything he did now he did to make sure he didn’t fail his daughter who, for the last 10 plus years, had been the only thing in his life that made it seem like all the shit was worth something.

But he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell you about her, either. It seemed cheap, to bring her up in a bar to you of all people, one of the only reasons she existed in the first place.

“Kept busy,” he said instead with a shrug. “Workin’ construction. Roped Tommy into it about a year ago, too. His dumb ass kept getting into it with people, told him I wasn’t going to keep bailing him out of jail if he didn’t at least look like he was trying to get his shit together.”

You nodded and took another sip of beer.

“Do you like it?”

He shrugged again.

“Pays the bills.”

“Not what I asked, Joel.”

He looked at you. You were watching him in that keen way you had, your head cocked slightly to the side, your eyes looking at him like you could cut through everything, everything he ever had or was or would be, down into the lanky boy he’d been when he’d first met you.

“Not sure why it matters,” he said after a minute. “But it’s fine, I guess. Crew’s good. Work’s steady.”

“It matters because you deserve something that fulfills you,” you frowned slightly. “Don’t you think so?”

He laughed once, looking at you for a moment.

“Haven’t thought about shit that way in a while,” he said.

Since you left, he added silently. He didn’t say it. Wouldn’t say it, even though part of him wanted to. Wanted to demand an answer, wanted to yell at you, wanted to cry at you and make you answer for the destruction that you left behind you. Destruction that Joel wasn’t entirely sure he’d ever really recovered from, just found a way to live in the rubble of it all.

But you were here now, talking with him again.

“When was the last time we did this?” He asked.

“Did what?”

“Talked.”

You smiled a little.

“You mean besides the time you decided to yell at me about my romantic choices at my mother’s funeral?” You asked, brows raised. “Been a while.”

“Since prom?” He asked quietly.

He watched you clench your jaw before nodding and taking a drink.

“Since prom.”

Joel picked at the label on his beer bottle for a moment as you sat with your hands between your knees and looked anywhere but at him. Eventually, you picked up your drink glass again with your left hand and Joel traced your bare ring finger with his eyes.

“Thinkin’ I might have been right about the romantic choices,” he teased lightly and you frowned before he nodded at your hand.

“Ah, right,” you said, extending your hand in front of you and running your thumb over the inside of that finger like you would if there was a wedding band there. “Yeah, it turns out going on a book tour when your marriage is on the rocks isn’t the best way to handle things…”

“Shit,” he shook his head a little. “I’m sorry, Goldie, that…”

You scoffed.

“No you’re not,” you put your hand back in your lap. “You hated him. You said all of three words to Gale and you hated him…”

“OK first of all, his name was fucking Gale,” Joel cut you off. “And second of all, he was a fucking douchebag.”

You snorted into your beer, coughing and choking on it for a moment and Joel clapped you on the back as you held on to the table, trying to laugh and breathe at the same time.

“You alright there?” He asked, leaving his palm in the middle of your back.

“Fine,” you coughed, pounding your chest with your fist. “I’m fine, I just… It’s so funny, but Gale isn’t even his birth name.”

Joel gaped at you.

“You’re shitting me,” he said. “That asshole chose the name Gale?”

You nodded, still coughing and laughing.

“He did,” you said. “He did, he thought it made it sound him more authorial and academic, he changed it before he started teaching. His birth name is fucking Bradley - his mom still calls him Brad - and I only found out when filling out the marriage license.”

“What a fuckin’ dick,” Joel laughed, his hand still on you. He was touching you. He hadn’t touched you in so long and he was touching you. “Jesus Christ… Sorry if you’re still hung up on the guy but shit, you can do way better than that.”

“It’s fine,” you laughed, calming down a bit and nodding to yourself. Joel watched you, uncertain. “Really, it is. I’m not going to pretend like I entirely agree with you but… things look different once you’re outside of the marriage and not in it anymore… Anyway. You married? Kids?”

“Not married,” Joel said, still not sure how he wanted to tell you about Sarah. If he even should, if the two of you were going to just go your separate ways after tonight and never speak again it felt wrong to share her. “Not even dating, really. At least, nothing steady…”

You laughed.

“Christ, why am I not surprised?” You teased. “You always had a way with the ladies. Haven’t outgrown that yet I take it?”

Joel smiled a little.

“Why outgrow what’s fun?”

You smiled a little back.

“Fair enough,” you said. “Don’t you want that, though? Something stable?”

“Is anything stable?” He asked. “Shit, half the people we went to school with now are fuckin’ divorced, what difference does it make?”

“Yeah, I guess I am one to talk,” you said, polishing off your beer.

Joel winced.

“Fuck, not what I meant…”

“It’s fine,” you shrugged. “I just… it didn’t work out and that’s that, right?”

“Right,” he said, watching you closely for a moment. “Hey, since you’re lookin’ to get hammered and I don’t got shit else to do tonight… shots?”

You laughed a little.

“I don’t know that I want to get that hammered,” you said. “I’m not a teenager anymore…”

“C’mon, Goldie,” he teased. “It’s on me. Plus it was my birthday the other day, gotta do at least one with me for that.”

“Oh shit,” you said. “It was, wasn’t it? You turned 33 on… Monday? Monday, right?”

“Right,” he laughed. “So, you in?”

You laughed a little back.

“Alright,” you said. “You’ve sold me. But I’ve got the first ones, it was your birthday, after all.”

The two of you moved to open bar stools on the end of the bar and ordered the first two shots - tequila - and clinked your glasses together before downing them, slamming them down on the bar top when you were done.

“See?” Joel teased. “You still got it in you.”

“If you say so,” you coughed a little and then laughed.

“Another?” He asked.

You looked at him for a moment.

“Fuck it,” you said and Joel flagged down Jimmy and ordered another round.

By the time it was last call, your friend had come over to say goodbye, her lipstick smudged around her lips and the mouth of the man she’d been draped across, and the bar had gotten quiet, just a handful of stragglers left even on a Friday night.

It took a few shots but you’d given up on keeping any distance from Joel at all, your bar stool sitting against his, your body pressed against his side, your head on his shoulder.

“Hey Jimmy!” Joel slapped the bar top a few times. The man came over and leaned on the bar, looking at you tucked against Joel. “Think you can get me a cab?”

“Sure as hell not lettin’ either of you two idiots drive,” he replied, going to get the phone.

“Hey,” Joel nudged you. “Where… where do you live? Need an address, gonna get you home.”

You thought for a second and then devolved into half drunk laughter.

“I don’t know,” your words were slurred. “Oh fuck, I’ve only lived there like… a few… a few… fuck. When did I move?”

“Before the school year?” He asked.

“Right,” you nodded. “Prob’ly right, that’s… that’s when. S’not long. I don’t know where it is, oh shit…”

“S’OK,” he said, putting an arm around you. “Just… just come home with me, s’fine.”

“Yeah?” You asked, raising your head slightly. “You… you don’t mind?”

“Don’t mind, Goldie,” he said gently. “Never mind, not with… not with you.”

You nodded and dropped your head back to his shoulder.

Joel had to half carry you to the cab and you dozed off against him on the drive, pressing your warm, soft body against his, passed out enough that you were drooling on the shoulder of Joel’s t-shirt, soaking through to his skin. He didn’t mind.

“She gonna be alright?” The cab driver asked as Joel paid him and nudged you awake.

“M’fine,” you waved him off.

“You know this guy?” The man asked, watching you in the rear view mirror.

“Him?” You asked, brows raised. “‘Course I know him, this… he’s Joel, he’s my best friend, s’fine.”

The driver nodded once.

“Good,” he said. “Take care of her, alright buddy?”

“Sure,” Joel said, setting you down in the back of the cab. “Always have.”

He got out and went around to the other door, almost tripping on the curb, before tugging you out of the backseat and against his side. You laughed and then shushed yourself.

“Sorry,” you tried to whisper but failed. “S’late, I should be quieter….”

“S’fine,” he slurred. “The neighbors think I’m trash anyway, not gonna ruin my reputation…”

You snorted at that.

“Assholes.”

He helped you up to the front door and fumbled with the lock, the two of you stumbling in. Julie, Sarah’s babysitter, shot up off the couch, a groggy look on her face.

“Wha?” She blinked for a second.

You yelped and Joel shushed you.

“Sorry,” you failed at whispering again. “But Joel… there’s a teenager in… you’ve got a teenager on your couch.”

“Yeah, she does that,” he tried to whisper back. “S’fine. How’d it go, Julie? Everything OK?”

“All good, Mr. Miller,” she stretched and got up, meeting Joel in the entry way. “She went down at 9:30 after trying to talk me into watching Coyote Ugly…”

“Oh lord,” Joel sighed. “Last thing she needs is to get it in her head that she should be singin’ and dancin’ on a bar…”

“Don’t worry, I said no,” she smiled. “But I think one of her friends at school is obsessed with it, not sure how else she’d know about it… Anyway. How about you pay me next week?”

“Oh shit,” he said, going for his wallet. She laughed.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it,” she said. “Not sure you’d remember paying me right now and I’m even less sure you can count.”

“Thanks,” he said, grateful. “You drive safe, alright kiddo?”

“Will do,” she laughed a little. “Night, Mr. Miller. And Mr. Miller’s… friend.”

“Night!” You said, a little loud before clamping your hand over your mouth and laughing. Once the door was closed, you turned your attention back to him. “Ooooo you’re Mr. Miller now.”

“Yeah, I’m gettin’ old,” he said, guiding you inside. “Here, I’m gonna put you to bed and then I’ll take the couch…”

“You absolutely will not,” you snorted. “I’m… I can sleep on the couch, not… not letting you take the couch in your own house. ‘Specially not when you’re old enough to be Mr. Miller.”

“Goldie…”

“I will move and sleep on the floor.”

He sighed and started moving you toward the couch.

“You ever gonna be less stubborn?”

“Nope,” you popped your lips on the p as he set you down. He got the blanket Julie had been asleep under and draped it over you as you snuggled into the couch. “Hey Joel?”

“Hm?”

“Who was that girl?” You asked, eyes already closed. “Why… why did you have a teenager in your house? This is your house, right?”

“S’my house,” he said, tucking you in. “And don’t worry ‘bout it. Just go to sleep.”

You yawned.

“Thanks, Joel,” your voice was groggy. “For taking care of me. Missed you.”

He stopped and looked back at you for a moment.

“Missed you, too.”

He went to bed, trying not to think of the last time you’d fallen asleep on him.

***

The Morning After Prom

May, 2008

The pink and orange of dawn woke you up. You were on Joel’s chest, his shirt unbuttoned so you could feel his skin on yours and your dress was still bunched around your waist from when Joel had slid the straps down your arms the night before.

You enjoyed it for a moment. The feel of Joel’s skin, how his chest rose and fell with his breaths, how the early morning light caught in the curls that had broken free of the gel you were sure his mom had put in it the night before. He smelled good, like cologne - the kind that a man would wear, not the Axe shit that drenched the hallways of your school - and soap and a hint of sweat that just felt like the essence of him. You wanted to stay like this with him forever. Be this close, know him in this way. It felt right, it felt beyond just good.

And then you remembered, you weren’t supposed to be here.

“Joel,” you whispered, sitting up from him and shaking him gently but urgently. “Joel, wake up!”

“Hm?” He mumbled, groggy, his eyes opening slowly.

“We fell asleep,” you said, still whispering even though there was no one here to hear you. “We’re not supposed to be up here, we have to go!”

“Shit,” he blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked you over and you were suddenly fiercely aware of how naked you were, how the light of day was creeping in and casting over your exposed skin. Joel reached out and cupped your cheek. “Sorry, didn’t mean to pass out…”

“It’s OK,” you said quickly, clutching your dress over your naked breasts as you slid the straps back on. “But we should get home, we didn’t tell our moms that we were going to be out all night, I’m sure they’re pissed…”

“It’s prom,” he said. “Think they expected it to be a late one. But… you’re right, we should get going.”

Joel got up and offered you his hand, pulling you to your feet. It wasn’t until you moved your lower half that you realized how sore you were between your thighs, your skirt falling back down to your feet. Joel held your hand for a moment once you were standing and his skin felt hot against yours. You dropped his hand and cleared your throat awkwardly.

“You should button your shirt,” you said quietly, nodding to his bare chest. “And… um… Zip up your pants.”

“Oh,” he looked down. “Um… Right. Right.”

He moved quickly as you looked over as much of your dress as you could see and Joel used the glass of the press box as a mirror to adjust his hair.

“Do I look OK?” You asked when he was done, turning so he could see the whole dress. “Not like… not like we….”

“There’s… um…” he cupped the back of his neck awkwardly. “I think we made a mess of the back of your dress, I didn’t think… should have moved it, I guess…”

“Shit,” you twisted, trying to spot it. “Do you think…”

“Just don’t turn your back to your mom,” he said quickly. “Should… should be OK.”

“Right,” you said. “Yeah, that’s… right. OK.”

Joel led the way to his car and the two of you sat in silence on the ride home. You kept glancing at him out of the corner of your eye, his elbow propped on the door of the car, hand on his mouth, his face drawn.

What were you supposed to do now? You’d never done… this. You’d never been in this position and now you were here with Joel, the person who was your best friend, the person you knew better than anyone else in the world, the person that everything had felt so right with it had been impossible to stop.

But what did you do now?

He stopped in your drive way and sat there, staring straight ahead.

“Thank you,” you said. He looked at you, his eyes a little wide. “For taking me to prom, I mean. It was… I had… It was good. I liked it. It was good.”

“Yeah,” he nodded after a moment. “Yeah, I’m glad I… got to go with you. To prom.”

“Right.”

You looked at him. You wanted to kiss him. Wanted him to hold onto you and tell you that everything was going to be OK and that you were going to figure this out and it would be you and him together just like it always had been.

Instead, he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

“I’ve got church this morning,” he said. “And then we’re goin’ to help my grandma in the afternoon so I don’t think I can see you until tomorrow…”

“I’ve got that doctor’s appointment in the morning,” you said. “So… I guess I’ll just… I’ll see you at school?”

“Right,” he said. “Yeah, right. I’ll… I’ll see you at school.”

You smiled tightly at him and leaned in slowly to kiss him on the cheek, hoping that he would turn his head and press his lips to yours the way he had the night before.

He didn’t.

“Thanks, Joel.”

“Yeah.”

You went inside and got undressed in your bathroom, looking at the stain on your dress, hoping you’d be able to get the stain of your blood and his come out before your mother noticed and it ruined anything else.

Next Chapter

A/N: Eeeeeeee! I'm so excited now that this story is properly going!

I hope you enjoy exploring Joel and Goldie with me. I really love their friendship and the way they care for each other and I think there's so much to explore with the both of them.

I do have an updates blog. Follow it here and subscribe for alerts when I post.

Thank you for being here! It really does mean so much to me to share this story with you. Love you!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #halcyon

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ch3rryb0mb3rr · 4 months

Text

Tldr; please put warnings on smut and have it below the cut and stop sexualizing minors in media. Especially if they just came out of middle school thats weird. Write what you want but tag and put warnings when needed.

I get so pissed when im going to read something about my favorite character, and it's smut WITH ZERO WARNING.

No 18+, no NSFW, no MDNI and it isnt even in the fucking tags. I dont wanna read that shit. Put the damned warnings there for the love of all that is green on this earth it takes two seconds. maybe a bit more, but if you could pump out 3.4k words of pure porn, I think you can handle a couple of tags and warnings

I am a minor, and i use those warnings, so I dont read straight-up porn!! I also dont need to read about incest accidentally because there was NO warning, and it was NOT in the tags!!

(And for those of you who do put warnings, i thank you and wish the best in life!)

(I am also well aware that a lot of people dont listen to dnis like that, but it's helpful for the people trying to avoid reading stuff like that)

Also, while im on the subject, let's not sexualize minors in media. Yeah their hot, i can see that. But i dont want to see the start of an NSFW alphabet for a 15/16 year old. Aged up my ass. Just put the beginning below the cut?? And not after the first four letters??

I do NOT need to know a fav characters preferred body part is the tits thank you very much. I definitely do not need to accidentally read that they wanna suck on it like a damned bottle.

'This character as your friend is soo perverted he wants to steal ur panties hehehe' NO HE DOESNT. HE'S A TEENAGER AND LIKES CATS. TF?? theres adults in the majority of the show that are reasonably attractive. Write that shit about them.

'Oh, they have this list of kinks,' and its shit only someone who has read hardcore smut would have. They are 16 and most probably haven't had sex because the creator cant give them a fucking break from trauma.

'He would be soooo toxic and blahblahblah [insert romanticised assault and abuse and trauma]' NO. that boy is my age and is a nerd. Motherfucker wants to study at princeton and has absolutely no flirting ability. You're only saying that because he's black, most of that shit reeks of racism.

These characters are kids, CHILDREN, and you as an adult (if you are one) should not be writing smut about them, aged up or not. You should not be thirsting over a sophmore when theres PLENTY of good looking adults that you can be.

Theres a difference in growing up liking a character and having a crush on them and growing out of it when you're an adult. And being an adult thirsting over a teenage boy. It's not cute. it's not 'oh, it's fine because he/she's not real'.

Its really fucking gross actually.

At the end of the day just tag your stuff correctly. That way its easier for everyone else to find EXACTLY what they wanna read. Because at this point im just gonna start reporting fics with no warnings at the beginning.

Someome younger than me with no parents looking through their devices could stumble on that, and not know what it means, read it, and be scarred for life.

I was reading that stuff way way way too earlier and its fucked up my mental state a bit so if we collectively start putting in the effort to help prevent this from happening to another 11 year old or younger than we should do so.

Start gatekeeping fandoms like creepypasta from young kids, start tagging shit correctly

Another child does not need to end up somewhat hypersexul with very violent intrusive thoughts by the time they hit high school because their parents wouldn't look out for them, and the fandom did NOTHING to try to prevent it.

Its not your job to parent the kid, and to look over their should. Thats not what im saying.

It IS your job to, again, tag shit correctly, put warnings for gore, bluring violent images, saying outright that a certain game/book/story/etc your recommending is NOT for kids due to its violent nature/sexual content/etc. Reporting accounts of children under the age limit for social media (i.e., a 10 year old with discord or instagram) (it is breaking the T.O.S)

Act like that one lgbtq+ chat room website I was on for a couple weeks where all the adults kinda looked out for me a bit. And supported me figuring out who I was and collectively riped a guy to shreds after I blasted him at a failed attempt to groom me. (And told me I had done exactly the right thing in this situation. Also, hi, if you know who I am from there!!!) (Story time if ya'll want I look back and think its the funniest thing ever how I dealt with him 💀)

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pinazee · 5 months

Text

And down the stretch comes murder

I wanted to take this moment to highlight the adorable child actors they got- Liam James and Carlos McCullers II. They are so perfectly cast as Shawn and Gus and they do such an amazing job! Im so impressed by them 👏👏

The whole spitball incident really highlights the differences between Shawn and Gus’ ethics. Shawn feels guilty for thinking he got the wrong spitter and ruined Jimmys life while Gus actually did it and feels no remorse at all. Perhaps it’s because Jimmy tortured Gus more, but it’s also come up a few other times i believe, that Gus is not above revenge nor is always willing to do the right thing if it interferes with his safety or his own code of justice, whereas with Shawn it’s like he can’t rest until he’s made things right. This, in addition to the ways he looks out for people (helping Lassie solve a case without him knowing, helping juliet find some kids without getting paid, standing between Gus and a gun), I think is why i tend to be more drawn to Shawn. I love tender-hearted morally just characters. Im not saying he’s always riding the high horse (pun intended), simply that at the end of the day you know he’s going to do the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, i love a morally ambiguous character too, and if I’m honest Gus’s outlook is certainly more realistic, but if i had to pick a favorite, i want the reliably good and wholesome over the self-serving. Not that im saying Gus is selfish at all, but of the two Shawns more our hero, even compared to his own cop father. I think Juliet is the only one who comes closest to matching that above and beyond heroism. I think the only reason she’s a step below is because Shawn simply notices others more. Thats all. If Juliet had Shawns abilities she’d be just as on top of it as him, probably more so. Actually she might get overwhelmed by seeing it all and not being able to help everyone. I think it’d be really hard for her to ignore sometimes. Which, okay I’m going down a tangent, but do you think Shawn had to learn to shut it off sometimes or like, learn to walk away? Cause i imagine day to day Shawn’s seeing people dealing with grief, abuse, or pain and with as kind as he is, it must be hard for him to ignore. Like if you’ve ever seen Daredevil, I’m imagining a less dramatic version of that haha

Henry will take any opportunity to point out Shawns failings or try to make him feel less than. Shawn tells him he’s there for a case and instead of asking him about it, Henry goes right back into you never could be a good handicapper because you lack the patience and follow-through it takes to put the time in and research. Also, the line “i let him talk to me” just doesn’t sit right with me even if the guy did turn out to be a skeeve. This kind of stuff makes me think Shawn either learned how to respect people from his mother or refused to treat people like his father. Probably both, though i hate to give her credit for anything haha

Look at his smile when he sees Lassie feed the horse. He’s so warmly amused by him. I wasn’t a Shassie shipper originally (as i just didn’t ship ppl in ye olden days) but i think I am now. I see it guys, I get it haha

These scenes are what makes the episode for me! I love them! We get to see both Shawns interacting and how he utilizes his vast memory, taking a peak into his mind palace so to speak. Plus he literally answered that common question of if you could go back in time what would you tell your younger self? (“Think big!”) I know they never really intended for this to be like a deep scene (nor expected certain fans to overanalyze it haha) but i like how he approaches the kid version of himself with a certain degree of amusement. Like I imagine if i was seeing my young self I’d probably be rolling my eyes at my sheer stupidity, but Shawns a lot kinder to himself haha Also little Shawns line “I thought I’d be bald by 20” was fucking gold! I wish I had better words for why this works so well but all i have is that it does and its brilliant.

Nice try Psych, your Canada is showing ;)

Heres some completely irrelevant info. The difference between a dreamcicle and a creamcicle: both are orange flavored, but dreamsicles had an ice milk center while a creamsicle was ice cream. And dreamsicles are no longer made.

I like this addition to the background. Its so cute. (Sidenote: this screenshot makes it seem like Shawn is the babyfaced assassin)

P.S This is the second episode ive seen him hold this frog. That is all.

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sxmmerberries · 6 months

Text

"It is always the quiet ones"

Pairing: New Student!Reader X Kim Gyuvin

Summary: Gyuvin was assigned to Y/N as a school buddy to adapt better as well as have someone to rely on.Gyuvin is excited to meet her and become friends with her but Y/N is quieter than he thought.Gyuvin has no intentions of giving up as he found an interesting fact about his new friend.

"Ms.L/N,your school buddy will be here shortly" The receptionist informed you, handing you your schedule.

"I think I can manage on my own" You sheepishly smiled, fidgeting with the material of your new uniform.

"This is part of the school's policy to help new students adapt better"

"Joining a new school in the middle of the year is awful enough and now you have to ruin someone's day by depending on them constantly. They are probably gonna run away before the day even ends" You thought as you sighed in frustration.

"I am here!Is this her!?" You heard a cheerful male voice and turned to see a gorgeous,tall brown haired male.

"Ms.L/N,this is Kim Gyuvin. He is your assigned school buddy. Please ask him if you need help with anything" The receptionist introduced Gyuvin to you. Gyuvin smiled warmly at you as you followed him outside of the room.

"Hi,I am Gyuvin. Your name is Y/N,right?" He read your name off of your schedule as you two walked to your first class. You nodded on response.

"How old are you?"

"I am 18"

"I am 18 too!"

"When did you move here?"

"Last week"

"What is your favourite colour?"

"Uhm...blue"

"Do you have any siblings?"

"I have an older brother"

"I have two younger siblings and a dog. Her name is Eumpappa. She is adorable" He gushed about his dog.

You raised an eyebrow at the choice of his dog's name but decided not to say anything about it.

"Do you like dogs?"

"I like bunnies"

"You'll like Yujin then!" He exclaimed with joy.

"Is he a bunny?" You curiously asked.

"No silly.He is my son.He is 3 grades below us"

You stopped in your tracks as you heard his words and looked at him with a doubtful look.

"You're 18 and you have a 15 year old son?" Gyuvin rejoiced from within as you finally asked him a question.

"He is my friend. I just call him my son" He explained with a sheepish smile.

"Oh"

The day continued with Gyuvin showing you around the school, introducing you to his friends and asking you random questions.

"This is my number. Text me if you need anything" Gyuvin handed you a piece of paper and waved you bye for the day.

You couldn't help but sigh in relief when you saw him finally leave your sight.

You appreciate Gyuvin's eagerness to be friends with you but honestly your social battery was completely drained out after being with him the whole day.

~☆~

"Hyung,do you think that she hates me?" Gyuvin pouted as he thought about his new friend secretly disliking him.

"She did tell you that she is going to go walk her pet fish when you asked her to hang out with us today and the other day, she said that she was going out with Yujin but he wasn't even in town that week. That says something-" Gyuvin sulked as Ricky pointed put the obvious lies you had told.

As the days went on, Gyuvin noticed your tendency of just nodding your head and giving small answers to his questions. It got more frustrating when you kept rejecting his offers to hangout with him.

"Does she not want to be friends with me?" He thought with a frown formed on his face.

"Don't say that,Ricky.Of course not,I think she is just on the quieter side" Hanbin responded, patting Gyuvin's head to comfort him.

Gyuvin narrowed his eyes at Hao who hadn't taken his eyes off of his phone once after he got to his house. He peaked to see what was so important that his hyung wasn't paying attention to him.

"I am pouring my heart out to you and you are reading smut fanfictions?" Gyuvin deadpanned.

"Shh,I am at the best part-" Gyuvin snatched Hao's phone out of his grip and started to read the fanfiction out loud.

"The thoughts ran wild as he....wait a minute..isn't this Y/N's username?" He stopped reading, noticing the familiar username under the usernames of the people who liked the post.

"It is her.I noticed it too" Hao smirked as he yanked his phone out of Gyuvin's hands,leaving the younger male in shock at the revelation.

"Looks like my topics aren't interesting enough for her-"

~☆~

"Hey!Do you want to get ice cream with Yujin and I after school today?" Gyuvin asked as you grabbed your bag to make your way to your next class.

"I am sorry but I am a little busy today" You smiled apologetically, making your way out of the room.

"Busy catching up on the newest chapters of those smut fanfictions?" You froze hearing his words. You turned around to see Gyuvin giving you a smug look.

"There is nothing like that-" Your cheeks flushed red as you avoided eye contact with him.Gyuvin walked over to you, cupped your cheeks, and made you face him.

"You look so adorable and precious. Who knew you were into this type of stuff with that innocent look on your face?" Your face grew redder at both his words and the close proximity.

"I liked those posts accidentally" You fumbled out. He let out a chuckle at your excuse.

"I never mentioned anything about liking any posts now,did I?" He pointed out with a mischievous look on his face.

"Like they say,it is always the quiet ones" He teased, removing his hands from your face and walked away.

You placed your hands on your cheeks where Gyuvin's hands previously were,pondering about what just happened. You finally gained composure and decided to chase after him.

"I am not like that!" You exclaimed as Gyuvin laughed at your flustered reaction.

©sxmmerberries

more zb1 fics

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evelili · 1 year

Note

I know it’s been ages since I sent one of these, I’ve been busy and I’m still busy so I don’t have time to read the full chapter BUT!! Here’s some of my thoughts and favorite lines from the beginning of this chapter. The Final Trial.

I really love how you write the memory sequences in this story. They all flow really well and don’t feel redundant!! The reveal of these memories twilight has hidden of Luna are so good!! God!! Her devastation when she realized she had forgotten someone as important as Celestia’s SISTER her AUNT is AMAZING!!

her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her legs bare below the knees of a ridiculous pink-and-purple skort that she’d have been mortified to wear past puberty—eight or nine, then, she decided. It’s probably summertime, too.

God this mental image is so cute!! I had to google what skorts are but yeah they definitely fit Twilight and her character, especially as a kid!!

Twilight waited for her younger self to voice the familiar retort she thought she’d known her entire life—magic isn’t real; magic doesn’t exist; magic is fictional and fantastical and lies. But instead of a rational dismissal she heard her voice ask something completely wrong instead:

“You’re really going to show me how?”

And Twilight didn’t hear anything else after that.

DAMNNN this sequence is so good!! The way twilights world is just DESTROYED by this is fantastic!!

“Well, I wanted to check in on the two of you.” The door swung further open, and suddenly Twilight was face-to-face with the Celestia of her childhood—younger by nearly a decade and yet still recognizable in almost every way. She hadn’t ever thought time had changed her mentor much, but the contrast between present and past was far more blatant when not viewed as a gradual shift. No laugh lines. No grey hairs. No ice in her eyes.

Just a Celestia whose very presence made Someone bristle in response.

This description of her is DEVASTATING. She’s both somehow unhappier and so much happier with Luna in her life. The way you write her is stunning and I’m loving the conflict between her wanting Luna to focus on the future and Luna who is focused on enjoying the present. It’s a very cool conflict and I love how you’re handling it!! Them both caring more about twilights emotions than each other’s is heartbreaking

It did—to both the Twilight of the present and the past. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I get it.”

Fuck this line is FANTASTIC. The understanding twilight finds in her memories of Luna are fantastic and I’m very curious on how this will impact how she handles Nightmare going forward. Unfortunately I can’t read anymore tonight, but I love it so far!!

STOP THE CLOCK. I FORGOT THIS BANGER LINE: “You believe in magic, Twilight,” she said gently. “And so long as you do, that’s belief enough for me.” The way you write Luna and how much she and celestia both love twilight is DEVASTATING

(combined ur two asks together) WAHHHH thank u so much for the asks!!! and no worries abt taking ur time w the story, u only get to read once for the first time after all!

this chapter is definitely Up There in terms of how happy i am with how it turned out, im rlly glad u liking it so far! i dont know how much i can say without spoiling things, but a reminder to read on fimfic to get the Full Experience (epub missing images my nemesis), a rather important section will b missing otherwise!!

i think to me a big aspect of luna and celestia's relationship in the show that kinda got glossed over was that celestia may not have realized how her actions affected luna until too late. and, it's kind of the "road to hell with good intentions" thing, bc i dont think celestia is the bad guy (at least in tte) for believing that the best way to help someone is plan, prepare, try to think ahead and look forward, etc. but, this kind of mindset can clash with someone who, at that moment, finds the prospect of thinking about the future so impossible. writing from life helped a lot in this regard :)

also, completely unrelated but also related, have a meme :D and thanks again for reading!

#tte #mlp fanfic #my art #twilight sparkle #scitwi #celestia #princess celestia #luna #princess luna #my brain has so much serotonin rn skitty u dont understand #i appreciate u so much!!!

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slutouttanowhere · 5 months

Text

Pairing: Jeff Hardy x Leona French™️

Warnings: Randy being a dickhead, use of the insult “freak”

Word count: 5k

A/N: this will be the first installment of my nostalgia WWE fics, for me that would be early 2000s Ruthless Aggression Era. I’ve always been a fan of Jeff Hardy, and growing up I never knew how bad his “demons” were until recently. Don’t worry though these fics will have none of that, I think the man has experienced enough angst in real life I don’t plan on including any of it here. This fic references Beyoncé’s Freakum Dress, any and all lyrics used belongs to said artist. Leona French is my black!oc, her character bio is linked to my pinned post. Hope you all enjoy this silly goofy one shot, leave a like and reblog, follow me ✨

Monday Night Raw 2004

It wasn’t until we were walking through the arena doors that I had second thoughts about tonight. It’s not uncommon for my cousin to talk me into things. Probably why our parents didn’t want us hanging out a lot. “Lita, are you sure about this? I mean I’m not a wrestler, what if they throw food at me?” I turned to her, we walked side by side with our arms linked, but it was more so me holding onto her so I wouldn’t tremble out of my skin.

“Yes, trust me. All the WWE wants right now, are hot girls that can dance and put on a little show in between segments. And if someone throws something at you, it better be flowers or I’m gonna whoop their ass.” She reassured me for what felt like the fifth time in a row, the hallways were lined with WWE talent, some of them waving to Lita as we went. A few of the women’s eyes lingered on me, scrutiny settled deep in their gazes. I’m used to the heat of female competition, but this was something else.

My first Monday Night Raw as an “employee,” I usually only showed up as a fan in the crowd when Lita could get me tickets. I’m supposed to be practicing for my audition with the ballet company, yet here I am half naked about to show my ass for the world. I can only pray my parents aren’t watching. Soon we come to a stop near the end of a deserted hall, two guys who I recognize as Lita’s boyfriend Matt, and his older brother Jeff.

They were dressed similarly as usual, though Jeff’s clothes were more cut up than his younger brothers. His fishnet top was cut so the bottom of the shirt stopped just below his belly button, leaving his lower stomach, and v-line exposed. His arm sleeves coordinated with their all black theme, and were cut up as well. I always admired their edgy style, especially Lita. I knew she got a lot of heat for dressing the way she dressed, in combination with being a hardcore female wrestler.

“Matt, Jeff, you’ve met my cousin Leona before haven’t you?” Lita reintroduced me to her friends, for a moment I felt stupid, because why would they care to remember who I was just because Lita and I were related. I chewed my bottom lip nervously, catching Jeff’s attention.

He laughed sheepishly, “might have been concussed that night if I’m being honest.” He smiled playfully, he was a lot sweeter than what one might think, despite all his tattoos, and multi colored hair, from what I’ve observed. He’s diffident, and mostly to himself, not the misfit you’d think he was. The pictures in the magazines didn’t do him justice either, his eyes were greener in person, and has a much taller build.

“Me too.” I joked, Lita, and I all chuckled, though Jeff and Matt seemed confused by this. Now it was my turn to feel embarrassed.

I stumbled over my words at first. “I used to be a cheerleader all through high school, you’re not the only high flier around her bucko.” My lips curled into a tiny grin, Lita bumped my shoulder scoffing. Matt hummed in response, he folded his arms across his chest, and a tiny smile on his lips as he listened.

“Captain of the cheer squad, four time national champion.” Lita gloated, she looked at me proudly, hands in her hips, and chest puffed out.

“That right? So I guess that means I’ll be seeing you hit a Swanton Bomb tonight?” Matt suggested half heartedly, a humorous expression etched across his face.

“Four time national champion, we’ll be expecting you to jump off the titantron.” Jeff said quietly, one hand over his chin, his index finger pressed to his bottom lip, he grinned watching the look of horror on my face. I could never be half the daredevil he was, and there’s nothing in the world that would make me want to try.

He held my gaze, and I’ll admit I felt a little shy around him, it’s not like his poster isn’t on my dorm wall or anything. I for damn sure never expected to be talking to him this long. “Hell no, I’ll leave that to the stuntmen, besides this was just a one off.” I shrugged, I tried my best to be humble despite my talent. I loved being a performer, but I didn’t like the attention, such is the life of an artist.

“That right, Leo here actually has a brain unlike the two of you. She’s only here because she owes me a favor, and what’s a spring break without a little fun?” Lita smiled mischievously, Matt rolled his eyes at his girlfriend.

“Um I think you forgot to count yourself sweetheart, you’re pretty and…well that’s about it.” He chuckled, the two of them seemingly forgetting all about us, Lita’s hand shot out to swat Matt across the chest, but he dogged her, then ran off. Without a second thought Lita pursued him.

“Are they always like that?” I pivoted back to Jeff, who was shaking his head watching his brother act childishly.

Slowly his eyes lifted to meet mine, his head tilted to the side, “is the sky blue?” That sweet southern twang hitting a little heavier towards the end, and I swore I could drop to my knees right then. A giggle pressed past my lips, and his next words took me by surprise as he suddenly complimented me.

“Aw man, that laugh is so adorable.” Jeff’s eyes slid over my face taking in all my features, there’s not a magazine article in the world that could have prepared me for Jeff Hardyz charisma. The way he looked directly in my eyes, into my soul, as if he looked away he’d miss something spectacular. My shoulder leaned against the cool white brick wall as I stood next to him, he was slouching a little, but our height difference was still evident.

The corners of my lips tugged into a grin, “are you flirting with me?” I asked, perhaps a bit coy, this sudden confidence went against everything I previously knew myself to be. I typically avoided the male species at all cost, but he had such a warm, welcoming presence. His undivided attention made me feel like I could tell him anything, and that freaked me out a little.

“You won’t be here long, mine as well make it count this time.” He shrugged, he stood with his hands in his pockets, more talent would pass us. He barely looked their way.

“So you do remember me!” I shouted, I pushed myself off the wall unaware of just how close we were, and lightly slapped him on the chest.

His head fell backwards, “of course, even if I landed on my skull that night I wouldn’t have forgotten this face.” He chortled causing his whole face to light up, the butterflies in the pit of my stomach swarmed violently. After I took too long responding he spoke up again. “So why exactly are you dressed like you’re going out to a nightclub?”

“Do I not look good in this dress though?” I asked, letting out an airy laugh, and pulling my fur coat open to playfully show off my outfit. Jeff shamelessly checked me out, getting an eyeful of my cleavage, all the way down my curves to my legs, and my chunky heels.

His tongue flicked out to wet his lips, a hungry stare in his eyes, “I’m sure you look good in anything.”

He was saying all the right things, and looking at me in a way that was making my face heat up, my lips parted to speak, but I was cut off by Lita’s long arm hooking around the back of my neck. “They’re ready for you at guerilla, if you and Jeff are done eye fucking, I’ll walk you down.” My heart jumped at her accusation, the feeling of embarrassment settling onto my face.

“Oh that right, Lita is actually a rodeo clown between segments.” Jeff rolled his eyes, an unimpressed expression on his face, yet again taking the heat off me.

“Shut up Jeff.” she sneered at him, and took me by the hand dragging me away. I could still feel his eyes on me, peeking at him over my shoulder, and just as I thought he’s watching me be taken away. A tiny smile on his lips, he nods his head at me as a ‘see ya later,’ and I hoped it was a later.

Waiting at the curtain were my backup dancers, and Stephanie McMahon. I’ve met her a number of times, she’s always sweet, and comforting. Nothing like her tv persona. “Alright, it’s a packed house, and after that match with Rocky, and Austin they’re quite rowdy.” She explained, I tried to swallow my nerves, as someone who was typically a part of the crowds I knew first hand how nasty people could get.

“You’ve rehearsed a bunch of times, you’ve got this in the bag Leo, and then before you know it, it’ll all be over. Then you can go back to your prissy little dorm room.” Lita teased me, she pinched my cheek, but I cringed away from her.

“First of all, that prissy dorm houses your lousy ass more times than I can count. Secondly, don't ruin my makeup, okay?” I hated being talked to like I was a child, Lita and I were only two years apart. I know she’ll always see me as a baby because of the kind of life she lives constantly on the road.

“Yes! That is exactly the attitude you need tonight, now don’t waste it, save it for the audience.” Stephanie gripped my shoulder, and smiled at me encouragingly.

I turned to my other dancers, “y’all ready?” They seemed more excited than I was, so I tried to mirror their enthusiasm.

“Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have something special for you.” Lilian Garcia addressed the crowd, they were buzzing, and when I turned to Lita, she gave me a thumbs up.

“A one night only attraction of. Leona French, performing her rendition of Freakum Dress!” The lights dimmed down, and as soon as the music started I was handed a mic right before I stepped out. “To be, or not to be.” I sang sultrily as I sauntered out, at first the crowd didn’t know what to make of seeing me. I could visibly see some men were quite annoyed, instead of focusing on the crowd I looked right into the camera in front of me. When we got closer to the ring I shed my fur coat, and suddenly the noise began to pick up. I couldn’t help the grin that slid onto my face, I twirled my hips, and popped my ass to the bass of the music. I’ve practiced the routine so many times I could do it in my sleep. “Oh put your freakum dress on, every woman got one.” My body moved fluidly through the steps, I let myself get lost in the music, and soon I felt like I was actually having fun.

Improvising a little, I climbed out of the ring, and danced over to the barricade where a young man around my age was gawking. I made my way back to the steel steps putting one foot up, and pooped my booty back. Considering they weren’t throwing food at me, I took that as a compliment, but by the end of the performance everyone was on their feet cheering, and wolf whistling. We bowed, blew a few kisses, but then made our way to the back.

Lita wasn’t there when I came back through the curtain, but I think she told me she might have had some segments tonight. I would probably run into her later, “that crowd was jumpin!” Maddison, one of the dancers laughed, she chugged some water.

“It sure was, you girls were great! Leona your energy was incomparable, and just so natural. Good job tonight.” Stephanie placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, her kind words making me proud of myself.

“Thanks boss lady, we’re gonna go shower and change.” I thanked her, shaking her hand, and we all made our way through the arena. I was so busy blabbing to the girls that I didn’t even notice Undertaker when I ran into him. My eyes widened, I’ve only ever seen him from a distance, which he was big then, but up close he’s huge. The girls and I collectively quieted down upon seeing him, “I’m so sorry…Mr. Taker.” I said like a doofus, his eyes shined humorously, but that’s all he offered us.

“Just Taker is fine, you’re Lita's cousin aren’t you? That was a hell of a performance y’all had.” And this is where I realized I might have a thing for gothic southern men. Or maybe I was just a sucker for the accent. I recall a number of stories about Taker being the best person to ask advice, literally everyone would ask him his opinion.

“Wow, thanks, I’m a huge fan by the way, um any pointers?” Why not ask the most successful man in the entertainment business his thoughts on my performance. The girls looked at me like I had three heads, it’s what I expected none of them watched wrestling.

“We’re gonna go shower, we’ll catch up later.” Lisa patted me on the shoulder, I nodded, and let them excuse themselves. If anyone was ‘prissy’ as Lita put it, it’s definitely them. Never struggled a day in their lives, spoon fed country club for their entire lives. Only sports they knew were golf, and all American football. That was an excitable level of violence for them, however, I usually craved something a little more aggressive.

He pondered for a moment, “well…it looked like you were having fun, and that’s when you really started to connect with the crowd. That’s important, it’s not just you, and them. You’re in on it together.” He explained, his voice deep, but his tone ominous. A backstage official informed him that he was needed, Taker nodded his head, and turned back to me. “A lot of people are gonna try and groom you, make you out to be what they want. Especially because you’re a girl, and seemingly have a lot of talent that could make people a lot of money. Nothing is more important in show business than to do things by your own volition, and stand on it.” That may have been the wisest bit of information I’ve ever received, he held his hand out for me to shake. Without hesitation I took it, grateful for this moment, and to think I was gonna pass up the offer. He shook my hand surprisingly gently, then went on about his business. I watched him for as long as my eyes could see. I felt light, like I was no longer a part of this physical plane. I looked down at my hand in disbelief of what just happened, my whole body still buzzing.

I just performed for thousands of people, and then The Undertaker just dropped a wealth of knowledge on me. I’m just a girl, I’m just some kid, how did I get so lucky? “Are you gonna keep standing in the middle of the hall like an idiot?” I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of an arrogant voice, slowly I turned to be met with the last person I wanted to run into tonight. Randy Orton, Bautista by his side, the only one of the two who had some etiquette.

Bautista lips form a tiny smile, he had a familiarity to him, as if we’ve been knowing each other for a while. “Hey, I remember you, you’re Lita’s big brain cousin, what college was it you went to?” I could feel my face heat up, it was sweet of him to remember something so small.

“I don’t know about big brains, but I’m attending Tisch School of Arts in New York.” I said shyly, I tried not to make my accomplishments a big deal; I guess it couldn’t be helped when Lita is blabbing about me to everyone she sees.

“So an art school.” Randy didn’t sound too impressed, far be it for him to care about anything other than himself. I might have actually found him attractive if he wasn’t such a dickhead.

“Hang on there Randy, Tisch is no run of the mill dance school, their acceptance rate is pretty low from what I understand. I had some family that tried to get in a few years ago, they had to audition 3 times.” Bautista explained coming to my defense, while simultaneously shutting down his partner's rudeness. He did it in such a calm manner, I bet he’s great with kids.

Randy eyed me, when he lingered too long on my chest I rolled my eyes, and side stepped him. He’s exactly like the pricks that frequented the country clubs back home, the only way to deal with them was to ignore them. “Anywho, it was nice meeting you, I’m a big fan, Bautista.” He held his hand to his heart, touched by me saying this.

“You’re a wrestling fan?” Randy questioned, he looked gobsmacked by this revelation, I grimaced turning to him.

“Yeah…” I said lifting my eyebrow daring him to challenge me, but he scoffed. Folding his arms over his chest, a smug expression on his face, I regret even running into him.

“I mean, of course you are, who wouldn’t wanna watch me on a weekly basis.” The haughtiness in his tone made me want to throw up, I couldn’t even disagree which was the worst part. He’s so good at what he does it upsets me, if only all that talent came with a muzzle.

“You literally have zero shame don’t you?” Jeff came up from behind me, his face paint dripping off him, no doubt from a match may have just had. An unimpressed look on his face, his arm slipped around the back of me, and held onto me almost protectively. I could feel my face heat up from his touch, I wasn’t going to deny him.

“Meanwhile you’re dressed like some freak.” Randy spat venomously, I was taken aback by his sudden mood change, Jeff’s expression darkened, but didn’t have a verbal response. He took a step forward, Randy mirroring his movements. There’s no love loss between the legacy kid, and mister daredevil. Jeff seemed to get the best of Randy in matches most of the time by out sitting him, and stealing the wins. Which is really more so Randy’s fault by letting his emotions get the best of him.

Bautista pressed his hand to Randy’s chest. A warning glare in his eyes. “Cool it man, you can’t afford to get into another fight this week.” He mumbled, but Randy wasn’t hearing it. The grip Jeff had on tightening, his nails digging into me as if to hold himself back.

“Trying to show off around your little poptart, wanna be, girlfriend aren’t you? Please do Jeff, I beg you.” Randy pressed his palms together, goading Jeff into a fight, I looked to Jeff who was clearly thinking about it. He’d do it even if only to make a point, but before I could get a chance to interject he reared back his fist. Popping Randy right in the nose. My mouth dropped, and my eyes widened.

“Fuck we gotta go.” I grasped him by the wrist, and tugged him in the opposite direction. We ran until we couldn't hear Randy shouting, and bitching anymore. We rounded the corner, finally coming to a stop. We caught our breath, “you’re gonna be in so much shit.” I sighed once my breathing calmed, I slapped him across the chest. He barely flinched.

“What, you just wanted me to let him talk about you like that?” He seemed offended by my disappointment, his hand ran through his blue-violet colored hair.

“Randy is an idiot, being called a poptart isn't the worst thing, I mean he said you were a freak.” My lips pressed together, I could feel myself getting upset all over again, there was never a reason to be so fucking mean.

Jeff shrugged his shoulders, “yea so? If I had a dime for everytime someone judged the way I dressed, how I talk, or the clothes I wore, well I’d be a fat rich man. But you don't talk about girls that way man, what did you do to deserve that attitude anyway?” Yet again we were standing close to each other, I chewed my bottom lip trying not to say anything stupid, my eyes lowered to the floor. I couldn't understand why he would get himself into drama over something so stupid.

“Did ya see the look on Randy’s face though, I think I broke his nose.” He grinned, I couldn't help but laugh when I replayed the scene in my head, even Bautista was shocked.

I shook my head, “by the time he gets done bitching at Stephanie about it, you’re gonna get into so much trouble.” I reached for the bandanna hanging out of his pocket, and began to clean off the face paint. The sweat dripping down his forehead made it easier to swipe away, with my other hand I held him by the chin, he took a step back putting his back to the wall causing me to step forward. I tried to avoid his eyes, acutely aware he was staring me right in mine.

“It’ll be worth it.” He hummed, his hand reached out to play with my hair, gently sweeping it over my shoulder. His fingers caressing my skin on the way down, then finally rested on my hips. Once I was satisfied with the majority of the paint being gone, I sighed, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

My eyes dropped to his lips, his tongue flicked out swiping his bottom lip, ‘this is a bad idea right?’ I thought to myself, ‘oh well, what’s spring break without a little fun?’ As if reading my mind, Jeff leaned in meeting me halfway in a deeply passionate kiss. His hands slid up my back holding me closer to his body, I couldn't help but let out a moan as his hands slid down to my ass, and gripped me. I don't know how long we stood there locking lips, but by the time either of us pulled away I was out of breath. My lips were swollen, my heart was hammering against my rib cage, and my head felt a bit light headed. “So what now?” I pressed my forehead to his, I knew it was getting late, and I was gonna be no good tomorrow if I was too exhausted.

“Got any time left to get something to eat? I know a diner that’s open late around here.” He offered. A hopeful look in his eyes. I peaked at him from underneath my lashes, my fingers playing with his choker necklace. Voices could be heard in the distance, it sounded like a few of the guys, but neither of us worried about it.

“Sure, I got some time to spare, as a super fan I'd be honored to have dinner with Jeff Hardy.” I teased, he wrapped an arm lazily around my shoulder, some female talent we passed gave me a nasty look. Trish Stratus specifically did not like what she was seeing, our eyes watched each other as we passed by. I knew that her and Jeff were “involved,” but the extent of that? I was unsure about, however if this was her man she would have said something right?

Jeff, oblivious to this as he was talking, he snorted, “you’re a fan huh? Does this make you my groupie?” He asked jokingly, we were finally approaching my dressing room, Lita was further down the hall talking to Edge, and Christian. They were all laughing obnoxiously about something, but I turned my attention back to Jeff.

“Oh definitely, I’m gonna write about it in my diary later.” I chortled, one hand on the doorknob, and the pinky of my other hand linked with his pinky. Neither of us wanted to let go, but we both needed a fresh change of clothes.

“Well, I’m flattered…” He trailed off for a second, then said, “I wish I could just wait for you here, but I need a fresh outfit so I’ll meet you back here?”

“You’ll definitely be done before me, so you might end up waiting anyway.” I smiled sheepishly, my face heating up in embarrassment, I felt bad for making him wait after the long night he’s had, so I decided just then that I’d cut down time on my makeup at the very least.

He made no fuss about it. “That’s fine, see ya in a little bit.” He let go of my pinky, then made his way back the opposite direction, and turned down a hall disappearing. It wasn't till I was behind the privacy of my dressing room door did I let out a long, heavy sigh, the other girls were nowhere to be found, so I revealed in the alone time.

I didn't fight the dopey smile that grew across my face, “I kissed Jeff Hardy?” After I picked myself up off the floor, I locked the door behind me, and stripped down before getting into a hot shower. Getting dressed tonight has been the easiest task of my life since I was smart enough to pack only one other outfit. Had I been back at home I would have ended up overwhelming myself trying to decide what to wear. I pulled on my coat, then grabbed my duffel bag, and purse, throwing it over my shoulder. When I opened the door, Jeff was waiting outside like he said he would, his eyes taking me in, from my heels making sure to slow up at my legs, and thighs. Then finally landing on my face.

“Hey…” He greeted me, his eyes sliding over my body, and slowing up at my chest before he got to my face. When our eyes met our smiles mirrored the others, he took me by the hand and walked us out of the arena to the parking lot. The night was mostly over, so there weren't many people left. My phone buzzed in my purse, I fished it out to see who texted me. I clicked on my messages to see I had been left a few, but Lita stood out to me.

Lita: I nu u were w Jeff the whole time. ;)

Lita: dont do anything I wdnt do

I rolled my eyes, I don't know if I should be thanking her, or annoyed that she set me up, I scoffed, “freakin Lita.”

“Everything okay?” Jeff asked, opening the passenger side door for me, the fall time air blowing my hair around, I peered up at him nodding my head. He watched me with a weary look in his eyes, I enveloped his face in my hands, and pressed my lips to his. He relaxed into me, “I think I’m gonna get in the car now.” He grinned like an idiot, and walked around the other side of the car. The drive wasn't long, but Jeff requested that I talked about myself, so I did. Not once did he interject, and by the time we made it to the restaurant, I felt like I had told him my whole life story.

“I watched that little show of your’s by the way, you’ve got a lot more talent than you let on.” I was taken aback by this sudden compliment. We sipped on our pop while we waited for our food, and as I sat across from him, he seemed like the most normal guy in the world. “I could have watched that on a loop.” He said softly, his longing gaze making me shift in my seat.

My eyes dropped down to his hands, I just now realized some of his dark painted nails had designs on them, “do you paint your own nails too?” I asked curiously, it’s something I’ve always wondered, but never had the chance to ask till now.

“Most of the time, other time’s it’s Lita when we have some time off.” He explained, the image of them sitting together like two siblings painting each other's nails made me smile a little. Yeah that seemed about right.

“Don't tell me they didn't include that information in Tiger Beat.” He deadpanned, obviously no love loss for the magazine company, I cringed at the name, I hated them too.

I shrugged, “I wouldn't know, I’m more of a Teen Vogue girl.” I joked, that’s how the rest of our night went, we talked about anything that came to mind: wrestling, food, fashion trends, travel. Anything to keep the conversation going, Eventually it turned 1 am, I needed to get some sort of sleep before catching up with Lita tomorrow. She wanted to drag me around the mall before they headed to the next town. We sat in front of the hotel, I turned to him, I knew I could have invited him up. The look in his eyes told me all I had to do was offer, but he wasn't going to force it. Knowing I had a whole week to be promiscuous, I decided to prioritize sleep this time, slowly I leaned in, and he met me halfway. A kiss that started off sweet turned into something heated, and needy. We moaned into each other simultaneously, I pulled away first, Jeff was frozen in place. His eyes still closed. “I’m getting out of the car now doofus.” I giggled, then opened the car door.

He suddenly came back to life, “oh, let me get your bag.” He reached in the back grabbing my duffle bag, and brought it around to my side of the car. I stood patiently waiting for him, my lips still tingling where he kissed me, I took the bag from him, and kissed him on the cheek.

“See ya later.”I walked backwards in the direction of the hotel, we held onto each other's hands till we couldn't anymore. That night after I got ready for bed, as soon as my head hit the pillows I passed out. That night I dreamed about having a tag match with Lita and Matt, versus Jeff and I, and it was a banger. That might be long into the future, but as far as tonight I had the best time of my life.

#jeff hardy #jeff hardy fanfiction #wwe one shot #black!oc #—tokio #divas era

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pepa-brainrot · 1 year

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Encanto Oc Appreciation week two! Relationships ✨️

@encanto-extended-edition

It's my beloved sunshine trio! I finally drew all of them together (took me long enough I know)

Some more of Armida's relationships summarized below the cut 💛

(I am so terribly bad at summaries Im so sorry- If I could write out the extent of all of their relationships I would- sadly I dont have the time..)

Alma: Her relationship with Alma pre movie is strained- mostly because she fears the older woman. Armida is riddled with anxiety and intrusive thoughts over what her mother in law may think of her, and often fears Alma thinks she got into the way of her daughter's relationship- or that she isn't a "real" madrigal. Basically.. it's a lot of assumptions on how Alma feels about her.. but they are not always truthful.

Armida also tends to disagree with Alma's ways. But between her being passive by nature and having a fear of speaking up, she never says anything. Rather she does her best to help by being there for other family members the best she can be.

Julieta: She was the first of the triplets that Armida became close to. Armida had visited her stand often, and at first Julieta thought the younger woman was accident prone like Agustín.. Over time it became clear that wasn't the case, but Armida was always super polite- despite lying about why she needed to be healed. She always made sure to thank Julieta - not just for healing her but for everything she does. After that it was surprisingly easy for the two of them to talk- and making friends with Julieta naturally got Armida talking to Bruno and Pepa. Although out of the triplets Armida is the least closest to Julieta now, she still feels incredibly safe with the woman. Armida is set trying to lessen Julietas work load. The only issue being- she really can't cook- all she can really do is help with preparation when needed. So instead she settles with going out to town when Julieta needs anything. It's not a lot, but it's something at the very least, and it's appreciated more than Armida will probably ever realize.

Bruno: While obviously Armida is closest with Pepa and Félix, she also shares a really close bond with Bruno. The both of them being pretty bad insomniacs, they bonded a lot over sleepless nights- She'd tell him about the stars if the sky was clear enough and he'd talk about his rat telenovelas or sometimes about his gift- and she'd comfort him. She's a fan of his telenovelas- she loves the rats, and he's actually a really good writer. She offers to help make small costumes and even jokes about background music for suspense. All and all their relationship is very cute- I like to say they are like platonic soulmates. Obviously after Bruno disappears and comes back things aren't the same.. while he was in the walls some nights she'd sit and talk with his door instead, not knowing he was actually listening. Things are a bit awkward when he comes back- Armida having a lot of feelings about him "leaving" when he hurt his family so badly, but in the end she understands his motivation.

Isabela: When Isabela was little, the girl loved getting her hands dirty. so naturally - Armida loved taking the girl out with her in her nature walks, because even at twenty seven she herself still loved to explore. It was something they bonded over, Dolores never really being as interested. But of course fell apart after Isa was pressured into being the golden child. Now they aren't nearly as close, but the both of them still remember digging for worms near Casita, or going looking for different types of plants in the jungle. Sometimes Isa still takes walks- taking the same paths they used to when she was little- when she knows no one is looking for her. It helps clear her head. Of course after the movie the two begin to grow close once more, Isa being quite excited to show off all the new plants to her supportive tía.

Dolores: I think the majority of the fandom has agreed that Dolores is a daddy's girl- and I completely agree. However she of course loves each of her parents. Mida specifically doted a lot on her when she was younger- having been their first child. She'd often sing to her- writing her own little songs for her daughter. After Dolores got her gift it was a nice thing for the young girl to focus on- her mother singing. Unfortunately getting her gift, like with many of the madrigals, forced Dolores to grow up too soon. She's often a bit protective over her mother, due to things she's heard over time. Armida mostly dislikes the fact that Dolores feels the need to protect her- as she should be the one protecting her.

Little bonus- Armida despises Mariano at first. She disliked him when he was with Isa, not because she knew Isa didn't actually want to marry him (though she has suspected maybe something was up, if she had known that straight up I don't imagine she'd be able to keep quiet about it.) She's- in general- overprotective when it comes to any of the kids dating. She does, however, come around to him.

Luisa: With Luisa there isn't too much to say. Like Pepa and Félix, Armida treats each of Julieta's girls like her own kids,and Luisa is no exception. She used to read or sing to her each night as a kid, as she did with all of them. Each grandkid grew up with at least one song or story before bed, and sometimes even as adults or teenagers they still request it. But as with most of the kids, as Luisa grew up she stopped having time for things like that. Still Armida is always ready to sing or read to her once again- no matter how old she is.

Camilo: Camilo and Armida have very similar senses of humor at times, which means they make for quite the pair. The two of them sometimes pull little pranks around the house, nothing too much of course- after all she's still his mother and won't let him get away with everything, but he still gets away with more with her then he does with Félix or Pepa. Though being fifteen he doesn't spend as much time with his mom as he did at one point in his life- he still won't deny he loves her very much.

Mirabel: Pre movie, Armida would try her best to make Mirabel feel just as special as the rest of the family, but being busy and slightly stressed she could only do so much for the girl. Still, she did what she could when she could. She started to teach Mirabel embroidery after her failed gift ceremony to try to distract the little girl and make her feel better, she didn't expect her to pick up on it- but she's very proud of how far she's come. She's quite proud of the young woman in general.

Antonio: the baby of the family, he is absolutely Armida’s weakness. She has the hardest time saying no to him, much like others in the family. The fact that he looks so much like Félix really does not help- luckily Pepa and Félix are a bit better with saying no to him. She worried a lot about him, and his gift. Part of her had hoped that maybe he wouldn't get a gift, since she's seen how sometimes the gifts the family have can really feel more like curses, and he's only five- but luckily he gets a gift he really enjoys, one that she herself had wished for a lot as a child, one that doesn't seem like it will put immense amount of pressure on her baby boy. She enjoys learning what some of his animal friends are thinking, and reading them all to bed. (Sometimes she spoils some of his animals.. she can't help it)

#encanto oc appreciation #encanto oc event #strawberry art #encanto #encanto oc #pepa madrigal #felix madrigal #encanto x oc #pepa x felix x oc #oc x canon #art #armida madrigal

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thelampisaflashlight · 1 year

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Everything Goes On Pt. 11

[So let's pretend a little longer. Not suitable for younger audiences. Previous part here.] Below the cut.

"When did it start?" Cumulus asks, brushing her thumb over Cirrus' knuckles, "...And why didn't you tell me?"

"It was before New Year's..." Cirrus whispers, "...We were... I never meant for it to go any further than sex, but... but then we started doing other things together. Dates, talking more..."

"I was going to tell you after Aether told Dew, but then Aether ended things with him and..."

"Cir..." Cumulus sighs, "...If you told me back before things got more serious, we could have talked about making this work. I wouldn't have minded bringing someone else into our relationship. We agreed early on that we'd keep things open as long as we talked about who we were seeing, but we also said we wouldn't get emotionally involved with someone else without telling the other person."

"And, and that's why I'm telling you now." Cirrus says, looking at Cumulus, hopeful, "I know... I know I fucked up, but..."

"Cir, do you want to be with Aether?"

"I-I do."

"And you want to be with me?"

Cirrus nods.

"Then why..." Cumulus clenches the hand that isn't holding Cirrus', "I'm sorry, Cir, but... but I need some time to think about this."

"H-How long?"

"How long did you hide Aether from me?" Cumulus asks, "That plus a day. Maybe more, maybe less."

"That's..."

"A long time? Yeah. Yeah, I know."

A silence stretches between them for a time, but Cumulus' hand never leaves Cirrus'.

"I want to make this work." she says, "I want to make this work, but I need time to process whether or not I should."

"Lus..."

"I'm not going to tell you to choose one or the other, but if you love me -if you love both of us- then don't I deserve to have the right to choose whether or not this is something I want?" Cumulus questions, "Even if we work things out that Aether is only with you, I still need to know about that."

Cirrus nods.

"...I'm sorry."

"Are you sorry you hid this from me, or are you just sorry you got caught?" Cumulus cringes as soon as a words leave her mouth, cold and harsh, "...Fuck... I-I need a minute."

Cumulus gets up from her chair, looking between Cirrus and the door, "...How about we shelve this conversation for now?"

"Are... Are you sure?" Cirrus asks, reaching for Cumulus' hand, but missing it when she moves to hold herself, "Lus..."

"I'm sure."

"So, you and Cirrus, huh?" Dew wonders aloud, poking at his travel cup of coffee, "...Wow."

"Can we not do this-" Aether groans.

"We're not doing anything." Dew says, "You and Cirrus on the other hand..."

"You know that's... Fuck, you're impossible."

"Complicated." Dew sips his coffee, "I am complicated. Like math problem. You couldn't solve me, so you gave up."

Aether stirs his drink, looking out at the fields heading towards the lake.

They'd decided to take a walk to give Cumulus and Cirrus time to talk, to clear the air, and maybe attempt to do the same, but there's a wall between them now that wasn't there before.

A disconnect.

"I think, probably, that's where we went wrong." Dew says, "You saw me as a problem, so even when things were going good, if they ever really were, you could still see things you thought you needed to fix. But you couldn't, because I needed to fix myself, and I'm... I'm working on me, but it takes time, and I apparently took longer, I am taking longer, to change than you expected, maybe."

"But, Aeth, I was never going to be 'fixed' and you and I both knew that going into things."

Aether sighs.

"I... I shouldn't have said what I did." he admits, "It wasn't right to pin the blame all on you or your mental health like I did, and I shouldn't have said you didn't have emotions... I know it's hard for you to express yourself the way I do, and I... I'm sorry I said all of those things."

"I'm sure you are." Dew says, settling his coffee down on the bench between them, "But I'm not ready to forgive you, and I can't just sweep everything under the rug and forget it either."

"That's fair." Aether says, "So... what now?"

Dew shrugs.

"I go my way, you go yours, and we try to move on in our own time." Dew tilts his head towards Aether, "And maybe I hit you a couple times myself. Make the left side match the right."

Aether prods the bruise still forming on his face from where Swiss slapped him.

"You and Swiss-"

"Are friends." Dew shuts Aether's question down before he can even finish, "But that does answer my own question. Was gonna ask who hit you, and now I know... I'm gonna buy that man flowers."

Aether swirls his drink, glowering at the lake again.

"Do better." Dew says, standing up and picking up the paper travel cup in order to crumple it and toss it into a nearby trash can, "Be. Better."

"And maybe some day I'll actually hate you instead of just feeling hurt."

When Mountain wakes up, he is acutely aware of the ache in his back and the pool of moisture on his chest.

With a pained groan, he rolls, dislodging a still slumbering Swiss from his body, the trail of drool dribbling from his mouth spilling onto his chin instead of Mountain's skin now.

Casually, he lifts the blanket, humming when he's met with the sight of Swiss' still glowing junk, and pulls it over the other's shoulders, tucking him back in to continue sleeping if he feels like it.

The process of getting to his feet is a slow one, it always is, but once he's standing the rest comes easier.

After a quick smell check, Mountain decides to forgo taking a shower in favor of splashing a bit of cool water on his face and brushing his teeth, typing his hair up to make it look at least semi-presentable for he leaves his room, but before he can finish getting dressed, he hears a knock?

Not on his door but...

Another knock.

The wall between his room and Dewdrop's.

Mountain walks over carefully, not wanting to wake Swiss, and taps back, "Everything okay?"

"...You want to go for that walk?"

#lamp writes #nameless ghouls #cumulus ghoulette #cirrus ghoulette #dewdrop ghoul #aether ghoul #swiss ghoul #mountain ghoul #ghost band #the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost band fanfic

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sequinsmile-x · 7 months

Text

Just Like a Folk Song - Part 1

Part 1: Love You to the Moon and to Saturn

Emily and Aaron have been friends since they were children, what will happen when Emily realises she can no longer keep her feelings for him to herself?

A Young Hotchniss AU

Part 1/3

-x-

Hi friends!!

This is part one of a birthday fic for one of my favourite people in the whole world - @ssa-sparks!! It isn't her birthday until tomorrow, but I thought I'd get the celebration started a little early because she deserves it.

Lina - I am so grateful to have you in my life. You're an amazing friend and a true light in my life. I know you love young hotchniss, and I know you love my AU's, so I thought this would be the best of both worlds.

Speak to you in just a little bit <3 (probably.)

Part 2 will be posted tomorrow and part 3 the day after. Part 3 will have smut!

-x-

Words: 2.5k

Warnings: brief mentions of Aaron's childhood, no smut in this part but fic is rated M.

Read over on A03, or below the cut

She’s woken up by a hand on her shoulder, a gentle shake, and a kind voice.

“Miss Prentiss, we’ll be landing soon.”

She blinks a couple of times and sits up, smiling at the flight attendant standing next to her, “Sorry.”

The flight attendant smiles and shakes her head, “No need to apologise, I just wanted to make sure you had plenty of time to wake up.”

She smiles and nods, straightening herself up in her seat, “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“No worries, we’ll be in DC in about 20 minutes.”

Emily blows out a slow breath and looks out the window as the flight attendant walks away. No matter how many times she had done this, countless flights back into DC from all over the world throughout her life, she never got used to the nervous excitement she’d feel in her belly just before she landed. She knew it was in part because she feared what could have changed when she was gone, the very real reality that life carried on without her something she’d had to get used to when she was young.

She’d gone travelling around Europe for a few months after graduating with her Masters. Visiting old haunts from when she was a teenager, everything somehow more beautiful now she was looking at it through the eyes of a 24-year-old. She would miss it, she’d miss the freedom it had given her as she figured out what she wanted to do with her life, but she was excited to get a job, and she was excited to see her friends. She was even looking forward to seeing her mother, but she knew that feeling would likely fade within minutes of seeing her.

Mostly, Emily was looking forward to seeing Aaron.

They’d met when they were children. Aaron’s mother had worked for her mother as a maid, cleaning the house every other day, and she always brought Aaron, and eventually Shaun when he was born, along with her. For a long time, Emily hadn’t been able to figure out why Elizabeth had allowed it, the gesture seemingly at odds with what she knew about her mother, but as she got older she realised she must have known about Aaron’s father. About the violence he was capable of, and how she understood their mother’s desire to keep them safe.

Aaron was a playmate at first. He was a couple of years older than her, but was kind even then, seemingly not turned off by the idea of spending time with a girl a little younger than him. Their friendship grew as they did, and somewhere along the way, he became her best friend. A constant she could always rely on no matter where in the world she was, the letters and phone calls they would exchange a link to the world she left behind whenever she’d go away on one of her mother’s assignments.

He was her port in a storm, the very thing she relied on in her worst moments. When she came from Rome, fragile and still putting herself back together from what had happened there, he’d noticed something was wrong the moment he saw her. She’d considered not telling him, keeping what she still considered her deepest secret to herself, but he’d asked what was wrong and she’d fallen apart, confessing everything as he hugged her, his embrace firm even then when he was only 17.

She didn’t remember when she fell in love with him. When the feeling of friendship turned into more, the love she’d always had for him transforming into what she felt now. It had happened slowly, bit by bit until she didn’t remember how it felt to not be completely, heads over heels, in love with her best friend. There were moments when she thought he might feel the same way too, when his gaze would linger on her a little too long, affection that seemed to run deeper than friendship lingering in his eyes.

Emily wasn’t afraid of much. She’d been headstrong her entire life, something that seemed to be a compliment from everyone other than her mother, and defiant. Keen to always prove people’s expectations of her wrong, desperate to show that she was much more than just the ambassador’s daughter. One thing she was afraid of, was losing him. Aaron was important to her, so deeply woven throughout her history and who she was that the thought of not having him in her life was too much for her to bear. She’d rather just have him in her life as her best friend than risk losing him because she admitted that she wanted more.

She’d tried to find happiness in other relationships, flings that had never gone far enough for her to introduce them to her parents, but she’d struggled. She’d had one long-term relationship when she was studying for her masters, with an older man called Ian, but he’d turned out to be the opposite of everything he had pretended to be, her reality coming crashing down when his live in girlfriend came to her place and confronted her. Aaron had come over the second she’d called, furious for her and armed with her favourite snacks and her favourite movie that he’d rented. He’d confronted Ian for her, something she’d scolded him for afterwards as she held an ice pack to his black eye, but she swore she saw something in his gentle smile that evening. As if she could have leant forward and kissed him and he would have kissed her back.

After her flight lands she feels like she’s going through the motions, barely paying any attention as she goes through customs and collects her luggage. By the time she gets back to her apartment, she’s exhausted, dead on her feet as she abandons her suitcase just inside the door. She sheds her coat and walks into the kitchen, frowning when she sees two messages blinking on her phone.

“$20 it’s Mother,” she says to herself, pressing the button on the machine to play the message.

“Hi, Emily, it’s your mother-”

“Got it in one,” she says to herself as she reaches for the coffee pot so she can make some as she listens to the rest of her mother’s message.

“I know you only got back home today, but I just wanted to remind you that I’m hosting a fundraiser this evening and I’d appreciate it if you attended. Aaron will be there too so you can catch up. See you later.”

She rolls her eyes as she places the coffee pot back into its machine, “I had a great time, Mother. Thanks for asking,” she grumbles to herself and shakes her head. She checks her watch, she would have enough time to shower and get ready before she went out. “Welcome back I guess.”

The second message starts to play and she sighs happily to herself the moment she hears Aaron’s voice, any tension her mother had caused immediately seeping out of her shoulders.

“Hi Em. Just calling to say I hope you got back okay - can’t wait to hear all about the parts you didn’t put in your postcards. I’m sure your mom has already told you but there’s a fundraiser tonight. Can’t wait to see you.”

She hates herself a little for how widely she smiles, her cheeks aching with it as she places her finger over the button, contemplating listening to it again before she shakes her head at herself and steps away, grabbing the coffee pot to pour herself some now it was ready.

“Get it together, Emily.”

___

She feels immediately tense as she steps into her mother’s house.

This place had always had this effect on her. It had never quite felt like home, they’d never really been here long enough at a time for her to relax into it, her room never decorated to her liking - indistinguishable from every other bedroom.

All of the good memories she had here were from when she and Aaron were young. When they ran around the halls whilst both of their mothers worked their vastly different jobs that had brought them together. She could still hear their laughter sometimes, echoing around the meticulously decorated halls, an innocent echo from before life had got in the way, back when they were too young to understand what the world had in store for them.

“Emily!”

She smiles as she almost immediately walks into Dave. He was her mother’s friend, one of her advisors first and foremost, and, whether he liked it or not, a father figure for both Emily and Aaron. Her father had died when she was young, her memories of him hazy now, and Aaron’s had died when he was 15, his liver finally giving out. Dave was almost always around and always willing to hand out advice, however unwanted it might be.

“Dave,” she says, pulling him into a hug, chuckling when he kisses her cheek, “How are you?”

“I’m okay, nothing ever changes for me,” he says, shrugging as he pulls back, “More importantly how are you? Didn’t you only get back a few hours ago?”

She chuckles and nods, crossing her arms over her chest, “Yeah, I’m not even unpacked yet.”

“To be fair, Bella, you could be back for a few weeks and you still wouldn't be unpacked,” he quips, laughing when she sticks are tongue out at him, “Have you seen Aaron yet?”

She shakes her head, “No, I only just arrived. Is he here?”

Dave smiles, a slight tightness to it she doesn’t fully understand, “I was just talking to him,” he says, reaching out and patting her on the shoulder, “I should go mingle, but if I see him I’ll let him know you’re here.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you later?”

Dave nods before he walks off, already being called over by someone Emily recognises as one of her mother’s friends. She sighs as she steps further into the party and she immediately grabs a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing member of wait staff. She takes a big gulp, humming gratefully as she swallows before she goes on the hunt for her best friend. She isn’t looking for long, and she can’t help but smile when she sees him.

“Aaron!”

He turns at the sound of her voice and she waves at him, her cheeks warming as he smiles widely and makes excuses to whoever he is talking to before he leaves them, immediately joining her.

“Em,” he says, walking over, his smile getting wider as he walks towards her. She feels her stomach flip and she has to blow out a steady breath as he gets closer. She somehow always managed to forget how handsome he was, how the dimples in his cheeks always drew her in, a part of her always itching to see if they would fit her thumbs perfectly, a place to hold him close as she pressed a kiss to his lips, “I’m so glad you made it. How are you?”

“I’m good,” She replies, and presses her lips together to suppress a smile, “I’d rather not be here right now, but you know what my mom is like,” she says, shrugging nonchalantly, “It’s just easier if I came. Plus this way I get to see you.”

He looks her up and down as if he was reading her mind, and sometimes she worried he could. So in tune with her in a way no one else ever had been that it felt nothing short of a miracle that he’d never figured out how she felt about him.

“Are you sure you’re not tired?” He asks, concern bleeding into his tone, his eyebrows furrowing together as he reaches out for her, his hand landing on her arm, his touch burning her in a way she’s sure tinges her cheeks pink. “You don’t seem like yourself.”

“I’m fine,” She shrugs again, her smile turning into a smirk as she ignores just how tired she truly feels, “You know what I always say -jet lag is a choice.”

“Jet lag is a choice,” he says at the same time as her and she rolls her eyes. He chuckles and pulls her into a hug, “Maybe for you,” he says, squeezing her tightly before he steps back, “But for us mere mortals it’s very much a reality. “I missed you.”

She smiles, and she feels warm, love for him spreading through her body, her skin tingling under where his hands lingered on her back, his hands so warm she could feel it through her dress.

“I missed you too. A lot,” she says, and she bites her lip, suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to tell him how she feels, or to at least allude to it. She isn’t sure if it’s proximity after months apart, or the jet lag she’d denied the existence of, but any reason she’d previously had not to tell him disappears. She feels a spark of bravery, or potentially stupidity, and she finds herself speaking before she can stop herself, “Aaron, I-”

“There you are!”

She’s cut off by a voice she doesn’t recognise, and her attention is caught by a blonde woman appearing behind him, a slightly sheepish smile on her face as she steps next to Aaron. He turns and looks at her, his smile faltering ever so slightly as he looks nervous for a second before he turns back to Emily.

“Hi,” he says to the woman next to him before he turns to Emily, “This is Haley,” he says, smiling at Emily before he looks at Haley, “This is Emily.”

“I’ve heard so much about you,” Haley says, offering her hand out to shake Emily’s, who takes it, her smile never faltering as she looks back between the two of them, the political training she’d had ever since she could talk coming in useful as her gut churns, “Aaron speaks so highly of you.”

Emily takes a moment to look Haley up and down. She was pretty. Petite and gorgeous in a way that reminded her of all the girls she’d never quite fit in with at school. Her blonde hair came to just shy of her shoulders, and her smile was frustratingly kind. Emily feels a pit start to form in her stomach, memories of Aaron’s college girlfriend, Kate, who looked incredibly similar hitting her in full force as she finds herself coming to a conclusion that she hopes isn’t correct.

She chuckles humourlessly and releases Haley’s hand, looking back and forth between them, “Well, he’d better,” she jokes, “I’ve known him since he was 7 I have a lot of dirt on him.” They all laugh, Emily’s polite more than genuine, and she waits for a moment to see if Aaron will say anything, but he doesn’t, the nervous awkwardness he sometimes had that she’d usually find endearing annoying her. She looks back at Haley, “I’m sorry, who are you? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at one of these events before.”

Haley looks up at Aaron who clears his throat and nods, looking over at Emily, something in his eyes that she doesn’t recognise, and it’s enough to confirm what she’d already been thinking.

“Haley is my girlfriend.”

-x-

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#hotchniss #hotchniss fanfiction #hotchniss fanfic #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #aaron x emily #hotchniss fan fic #young hotchniss

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queenoffishingandcookies · 3 days

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Currently considering the level of trauma that Rosa suffered in her early childhood, and a really weird headcanon(?) that my brain came up with. Specifically, her trauma pertaining to Beatrice and her siblings.

Then weird kind-of parallels between Beatrice’s incident and the destruction of her stuffed rabbit, Uu-tan, at the hands of Rudolf.

Spoilers for Banquet of the Golden Witch (Ep3 of Umineko) below.

Starting point was wondering if Uu-tan was ripped up before or after the incident. I think it was before, since she looks younger in the manga panels of Twilight, and mentions fearing the witch of the forest, but I’m not sure? In the manga, beat up as poor Uu-tan seems, I think Rosa did try to fix them, though.

I'll try my best to be somewhat coherent. Going back to 1967 for this.

Rosa…literally saw this girl she’d just met, a girl who was noticeably naive and had little concept of danger, just a little bit older than her, literally plummet over thirty feet to her death.

The lines in the VN make it clear, too, that Rosa ran down to ask if Beatrice was alright. That she stayed by Beatrice’s side for a while, shaking her corpse and trying to get her to react, all the while watching as blood and brain matter seeped from the elder girl’s broken skull and wouldn’t stop.

Beatrice died with her eyes open, too - so Rosa would have been staring down at the unfaltering literal death stare of a young woman she had literally just been speaking to, and trying to get her to move and react to see if she was okay.

The manga panels of Beatrice’s body after the fall were horrifying to look at, the first time I saw them. It makes sense, considering just how far she fell, but - imagine a child seeing that? Especially the way her fingers were bent?

I...am not going to put a photo of Beatrice's body here, solely for peace of my own mind.

Rosa was in middle school at the time. At the youngest, she could have been 12. The eldest she could have been was 15. Her birthday falls in June, but I don’t think we’re ever given any indication when in the year the incident happened.

My really morbid thought was that, maybe Rosa grew more dependent on her toys - especially Uu-tan - due to the trauma of witnessing Beatrice’s death (this is probably more likely if Uu-tan had been ripped up after the incident, but my line of thought is that Rosa still clung to them some time after trying to repair them).

It’s noted multiple times throughout the VN, especially in Turn, that there is a sizable age difference between Rosa and her elder siblings. They didn’t get along with Rosa, because she was so young and additionally, their own trauma and aspirations - if anything, they took their trauma and abuse out on her.

Krauss used to take her toys as punishment for things she didn’t remember doing, Eva would lie and trick her, and Rudolf would do both but make it ten times worse for Rosa, because Krauss and Eva were just as awful to him, and he could take it on on Rosa. And this is just the simplified rundown of the situation, doesn’t even touch on the full complexity of the layers of abuse and trauma that eventually are brought to bear their weight on Rosa’s shoulders.

On top of being unable to reach out to her elder siblings, Rosa lives and is brought up on an isolated island. She likely went to school off-island and made friends there, but it’s a known fact that Rokkenjima could be a difficult island to reach, despite its small size, even if a small amount of wind picked up.

Rosa has no close neighbors, no easy way of conversing with friends from school or visiting their houses. The closest she might have had for companions were the servants hired to work in the mansion.

This is what, similarly to her daughter Maria in the next generation, led Rosa to be reliant on the toys she owned for friends and company. Namely, her stuffed rabbit Uu-tan.

I’m not exactly sure about the scenario, but I think that Rosa only ever mentioned what happened to Genji - and that was to tell him about Beatrice’s fall. I think she was even told not to mention it to anyone else?

She couldn’t talk to her siblings about it, definitely couldn’t talk to her parents about it, so who else did she have to turn to, but her stuffed animals and dolls?

In the manga, Uu-tan literally had their head and arm ripped straight off by Rudolf. Their stomach was also torn open. It's some hardcore gore, even for a plushie. Which is my brain must have tied then to Beatrice.

In Twilight of the Golden Witch, when Rosa and Maria are hiding in Rosa's old room, Rosa actually finds Uu-tan on accident - and this is what I meant when I mentioned it looked like someone had tried to put them back together. Uu-tan's arm and head were reconnected to the body, and the stomach sewn up a little bit. Badly, as stuffing was still leaking out, some several decades later - but someone had tried to fix Uu-tan. They even had a little bandage around a leg,

My first morbid line of thought was that if Uu-tan had been ripped apart after Beatrice's death, it would have been made ten times worse by the fact that Rosa had already seen another person die from brutal head trauma, and something like seeing Uu-tan's head getting ripped off just made me think about Beatrice's fall.

If Uu-tan was ripped apart beforehand, and Rosa had tried to sew them back together, I imagined the comparison of Uu-tan's damaged body - despite the best repair efforts - and the leaking stuffing to the appearance of Beatrice's corpse post-fall.

The imagery is stuck in my brain, I swear. don't know if this makes much sense, but my brain won't drop it, so I decided to post about it. Literally has no bearing on the actual story, except for additional trauma for Rosa which...isn't good for anybody.

I'd call this self-indulgent rambling, but really this is just very morbid thoughts rambling which came to haunt me at one in the morning.

#umineko #umineko spoilers #ushiromiya rosa #uu-tan the stuffed rabbit

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andsour · 14 days

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₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ... only friend

characters : mackenzie "kenzie" noh , mark lee

warnings : none i think! it's not necessarily angst , but lmk if there's something i should add

notes : this takes place in summer of 2017! it's more like a prologue. named after the song "only friend" by wallows <3

words : 881

“hey, remember the first week you got here—”

“oh god,”

“when— when we—” mark struggles to speak, cut off by his own obnoxious laughter. “and then you started crying—”

“not funny! you guys told me there was a ghost in the practice room and then left me alone in there!” kenzie defends her only somewhat younger self. it was two years ago, but the memory is fresh in her mind.

“okay, but dude, it was necessary,” he snickers, and technically, he’s right. would she have come out of the shell of shyness and nerves she’d formed around herself with time? probably. but scaring her out of it worked well enough, in the end. “i mean, look at us now.”

“i should’ve gotten you back,” she pouts, but it melts into a smile.

the chains make this horrible screeching sound as she digs her shoe into the mulch below her, twisting herself a little in the swing. they’re at this playground, deserted due to the late hour, that’s just a five–minute walk away from the sm trainee dorms.

this is something they used to do all the time— sneak out of their respective dorms when everyone else was asleep, walk to a nearby convenience store and buy soda and snacks, then come back here to hang out and talk all night. after mark debuted, it became their primary way of seeing each other, albeit much less often.

“you’ll never get to now, though,” he doesn’t mean for it to come out sounding as sad as it does, clearing his throat afterwards.

“yeah…” she mumbles, looking down at her half–eaten cup of instant noodles, poking around at it with the wooden convenience store chopsticks.

she really, really wanted things to work out as sm. after all, this had been her dream. she dropped her whole life— her family, all her friends, school, competitive dance— and came all the way to seoul just to train here. she thought she had it all figured out, so close to her goals she could taste them. then she went on tv and those netizens said all those terrible things, and the boys all debuted and herin left, and she felt so alone all of a sudden. her goals had started to taste bitter, rotten.

after a long discussion with her parents, they agreed to let her stay in korea with her aunt and uncle full–time so she can continue going to hanlim and hopefully try again somewhere else, so it’s not like it’s completely over. just an end of an era.

still, these past two years have been the best of kenzie’s life. she’s learned so much, made so many meaningful connections. she may have hated being crammed into a tiny dorm with all the other girls and having no privacy, but she’d still shed a few tears with them when she officially moved out a couple days ago. she’s always going to have a soft spot for the time she spent here.

“it’s gonna be really weird. it already is. like, i can’t just go downstairs and talk to you anymore,” mark says, his hoodie pulled up over his head and black face mask tucked under his chin. he’s not quite swinging, just rocking back and forth. “what am i gonna do without you?”

“i think you’ll live,” she scrunches her nose. “you still have your whole group, all our friends.”

mark shakes his head, a soft smile pulling at his lips. “nah, it’s different,” he pauses, looking over at her. “you’re my person, y’know?”

a familiar warmth floods kenzie’s chest at the words, flowing right from where her heart is.

she guesses now, more than ever, would be the right time to finally get this off of her chest. after tonight, mark’s going to be even busier with his career and kenzie’s technically going back to being a normal teenager. he’ll travel the world, meet all types of girls, all prettier and more interesting than she is. who knows if they’ll ever even see each other again.

but then she thinks again.

she shouldn’t risk ruining the night. and it’s not that even that big a deal, really. he’s just one boy out of millions in the world, crushes come and go faster than the winds change. even quicker than the speed of light. surely, she’ll sooner feel nothing but friendship for mark lee before the world ends.

“so, what now?” mark inquires. “any ideas where you’re gonna go?”

kenzie tilts her head at the question. she actually hasn’t given that much thought. “i dunno. i think i’m just gonna focus on school and dance for right now, then probably start auditioning later. or maybe i’ll go back home and become a professional clerk at whole foods.” she says sardonically, shrugging, and mark chuckles.

“and i’ll come buy frozen pizzas from that whole foods every time i visit— fund your career, y’know,” he promises, leaning close enough in his swing to nudge her with his elbow, and the sheer sincerity in his voice is enough to make kenzie giggle. “but for real, though. we’ll still get together and hang out and stuff. nothing’s gonna change. right?”

everything is going to change. kenzie knows this for a fact.

but tonight, absolutely nothing has to change.

“right.”

#* ⠀ ── ⠀ honeylemon ⠀ 、 ⠀ writing ⠀ !#* ⠀ ── ⠀ honeylemon ⠀ 、 ⠀ kenzie ⠀ !#fictional idol community #mark lee imagines #mark lee fluff #kpop oc #idol oc #fake kpop group #10 year slow burn incoming 😚😚

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fuji-sen · 2 months

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WUWA! Highschool Graduation memories mini-series

drabbles! and oneshots!

To all the recently graduated students! Congratulations! Here's a little dose of delulu.

🎓 Can be seen as platonic or romantic. [scar is flirty at one point, so maybe he's more romantic-- sorry I can't help it, i love the guy]

🎓 modern au.

🎓 graduation is based on my highschool graduation but this can be interchanged to a college graduation one.

୧⍤⃝💐batch 1

Sanhua, Jinhsi, Scar

note: I assume the characters above are young adults, which I've based on their character models. Scar is confirmed to be a young adult based on his character/personality description into WuWa fandom site. Others I based also on their appearance like in the case of Aalto, Yangyang and Chixia. I'll base it off on this post!

setting: The above characters have already graduated or are older years, and knowing you, they decided to go to your graduation to support you! isn't that just sweet? ❣️

Your palms felt sweaty as you stood up with your classmates, forming a line as the MC of the event called names and listed their awards apart from the diploma.

‘God I wonder if I have an award or am I just going to get a diploma..?’ you worriedly thought. You wore a well planned outfit under your toga that reached a few inches below your knees. Your hat was loose and would nearly fall every time you'd bow at the given time.

The tassel of the cap would sway, sometimes hitting your cheeks or getting tangled with your hair, it was beginning to be annoying at this point.

You were graduating and you were so very afraid to mess up. What if your toga wasn't ironed? was it wrinkly? were your shoes polished?

Hands reached to try and smoothen the nonexistent wrinkles of your toga you even looked down to check your shoes when you realize they were in fact not polished, but it didn't look bad at all, you were just too deep into your graduation blues and worries ‘am I underdressed? or maybe overdressed? do I look plain? or too extravagant-?!’

Your schoolmate that sat nearby called your name in a hushed manner, you stared at them until you realized they were motioning for you to move up the line so you quickly scampered.

"[your full name]" the MC announced as you robotically found yourself walking up the stairs and onto the stage where your principal and school director were there with your diploma and medals for your achievements.

"Woohoo!" Someone cheered despite the silence and the background music playing on repeat, your eyes glanced to meet theirs and your jitters washed away as they clapped for you enthusiastically, even much louder than the instrumental music.

Your Principal eyes your friend with annoyance before turning to you as he handed you your diploma.

You turned to the vast seas of students, teachers and watchers.

You were no longer worried or self-conscious and with a bright smile you bowed in front of them. Finally free from the shackles of your school, and ready to move on to the next stage,

knowing your friend was there for you.

(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ₊˚ʚ 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

❄️ Sanhua ⊹ ࣪ ˖

probably a year or two younger than you,

╰┈➤ Sanhua was there for even before the start of the ceremony. She was there when you were buying your outfit, or choosing from your wardrobe.

╰┈➤ She chatted you often in between your graduation practices and preparations. She made sure you ate, you slept, you had your things prepared and made sure you chose clothes that you'd be comfortable in.

╰┈➤ She came to the venue early to get better seats, and she'd clapped respectfully as she watched you.

╰┈➤ Sanhua was already in college, she was the secretary for her college's student council president. So she was skilled in preparation, meetings, and so on.

╰┈➤ The white haired beauty approached you after your graduation, greeting you with a smile as she was proud of you. She knew you worked hard to be able to graduate and you deserved your diploma and the medals you were awarded with.

╰┈➤ She didn't come alone or empty handed. Beside her was Jinhsi but that would be for another part. In her hands was a sentimental gift she known you'd appreciate and a bouquet of wintry bells wrapped in pure white floral wrapping, tied together with a ribbon dyed with the color of her eyes and of course a note.

As the ceremony officially ended and the faculty that was part of the graduation had left or more or less scattered, talking with their students. You relaxed, chatting with your classmates, hugging and congratulating one another.

"It's your friend" A classmate tapped you and motioned to a figure that was approaching you. You smiled at the older female as you quickly made your way, through the crowds and groups, to her.

You greeted her with a warm and friendly smile "Sanhua! Thanks for coming!" You'd say and looked at her, silently communicating if you could hug her or not.

The stoic yet kind secretary opened her arms and you quickly enveloped her in a hug. "Congratulations [name]." she said reciprocating your hug but you winced as her gift accidentally hit you wrong at your back.

"Oh sorry" she quickly released you and handed you your gifts, you smelled the subtle scent of the wintry bells and you could vaguely feel the coldness. "It's okay, thank you for the gifts you didn't have to."

"Just you being here for my graduation is enough but aren't you busy with your projects?" you questioned as you stood side by side at the corner watching the people interact with each other.

For someone like Sanhua privacy and alone time was what she had preferred and you didn't mind, you had already greeted your friends anyways and some of your teachers.

"It's alright, I'm on schedule for most of my deadlines." She told you and you believed her, it was Sanhua after all, she was always reliable, hardworking and straight-laced.

"Have you thought about college?" She suddenly asked you, turning her eyes on you as she watched you scrunched up your face. "Oh come on, I just graduated, I wanna have fun!"

Her lips quirked in amusement, her hand made its way to your back "All right then, why don't we go to the mall? get some food?" She suggested and on cue, your stomach growls.

"Sounds great, I had a light breakfast and now I'm starving" you sigh in relief as you both walk towards the exit of the venue.

You laced your fingers with her's and you hummed in satisfaction, your lips quirked to a grin as you told her "I'm thinking about going to Jinzhou Academy,"

Her eyes seemed to shine, that was her college too. "It's close, has a good reputation and my favorite secretary is right there."

"Just secretary?" she repeated her lips mirroring your own.

"An amazing girl, beautiful, talented, hardworking, one of my greatest friends" you listed up as she chuckled.

(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ₊˚ʚ 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

✨ Jinhsi ⊹ ࣪ ˖

a year or two younger / high position in a student council or at least student representative for her year.

╰┈➤ Jinhsi definitely made time for you in her busy schedule, and don't worry, it's no problem for her afterall it is her friend's/SO/[petname]'s graduation, a milestone meant to be celebrated.

╰┈➤ Definitely the one you come to with questions about the procedures when you're too shy to ask your teachers.

"yes you can wear that type of shoes or that color of dress"

╰┈➤ Would meet you up there at the venue considering you'd either get there by your parents or in a school bus.

╰┈➤ would make sure you are well hydrated and not hungry since she knows how long this ceremonies get.

"here I brought you your [fave drink], make sure you take care of yourself."

╰┈➤ She'll stand in a decent area, making sure she has a good view of you so she can take pictures and videos.

╰┈➤ Is the first one to approach you as soon as the ceremony has ended with a small present (definitely handmade and very personal between you two) and a modest bouquet of flowers.

"[name]" you turned around when a voice greeted you, and lo and behold you are met with Jinhsi, which wasn't really a surprised since you had already met her when you first arrived at the venue wherein she gave you some snacks and calmed your nerves.

You smiled at her warmly, thanking her for coming and saying that she didn't have to knowing her busy schedules considering her school year hasn't quite ended.

"You don't need to worry, I have already dealt with most of the urgent itinerary I have." She assured you and handed you a bouquet of flowers, and a small present. "Oh thank you Jinhsi! I'm sorry I couldn't get you anything. ."

She chuckled "you don't need to, why would I even get anything when it's your graduation." she told you and your cheeks flushed at the reminder, "it's just, you're one of my most cherished friends and you treat me well." you reasoned "you deserve a gift for all your hardwork too."

It was her turn to blush at your words, she usually didn't get flustered much but considering your sincere and genuine nature she couldn't help it.

And with that, the two of you left, you bid goodbye to your classmates and friends and even thanked your professors with Jinhsi, and then you went off, having decided that the two of you should go watch one of the shows at the Jinzhou Theater.

(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ₊˚ʚ 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

❤️‍🔥Scar⊹ ࣪ ˖

a year or more older than you, plus points if he had also graduated from your school and he was the #1 menace there.

╰┈➤ your teachers and some of your classmates give you a sour look when they find Scar there, clapping and shouting your name in his cheers as soon as he saw you.

╰┈➤ man would definitely be one of those loud participants, clapping loudly, hyping you up, it would amuse others while some would glare at him in annoyance.

╰┈➤ isn't even hiding the fact that he's taking pictures or videos of you, even doing weird poses for the 'perfect shot tm' or smth [probably for blackmail, scratch that, definitely for blackmail] despite your glares at him or signs of embarrassment.

╰┈➤ of course he'd also talk shit or throw boo's at students he either hates or knew they were giving you trouble.

╰┈➤ is almost kicked out of the venue but scares off most of the security.

╰┈➤ finally shuts up when your name is called, watching you intently as you stood up and walk to the platform, and when your eyes meet you are met with a soft smile as he nodded at you in encouragement, mouthing the words 'congrats little lamb.'

your cheeks were flushed in embarrassment as your friends from class giggles and tease you about your friend that came to watch you graduate. Scar was your senior here in school and he had already graduated in a grand way that definitely left a mark in your school.

He basically did a huge ass prank which nearly burned down the last venue.

It was honestly a miracle how he graduated with his track record, you had suspected the school had given up on him and just handed him to be his current college's problem.

"you should go to him before he ends up burning this venue" your classmate joked, playfully punching your elbow as you forced out a laugh, you wouldn't even be surprised if he actually did it.

And you find him with a few of your teachers who sent you a 'please take him away and far from us' look, iykyk.

"Little lamb!" Scar greeted you with open arms as he noticed your presence approaching him, [meanwhile your teachers leave quickly], "you dork" you laugh punching his arm and he simply smirked at your greeting.

"Is that really how you greet your favorite senpai/senior?" he asked suddenly pouting as you rolled your eyes, "thanks for embarrassing the shit out of me."

He cracked up a grin, bowing at you as if you were a king/queen. "anything for my little lamb." your cheeks flushed as he took your hand and kiss the back of it, he stared at you in a way that made your heart skip a beat and your cheeks instantly redden.

Scar offered you a simply gift, a bouquet of roses with a few baby breaths here and there, wrapped in black wrapping paper, and accompanying it was a cute plushie of a lamb holding a pink tulip, one that you had seen in pinterest boards.

You'd seen leave the venue, pulling scar along to make sure he doesn't cause anymore trouble as the two of you went to somewhere to have fun.

(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ₊˚ʚ 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

I procrastinated this too much to the point its not even graduation season anymore-- still belated happy graduation to you readers. I'm now a college student share ko lang hahahaha

comment who would you want to see next.

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jasntodds · 1 year

Text

Caving In [13]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 13,401

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, hurt/comfort, I’m messing with the timeline a bit because I can lol, this is the only chapter that’s laid out like this, nightmares, mentions of death, Jason and reader do not have the healthiest coping mechanisms, mentions of burns, mentions of injures

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: I made a little bit of a mess but I fix a lot of it next chapter lol I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Over the next two days, the three of you have been keeping your distance more from each other than usual. Gar is trying, of course, because he always tries to make sure everyone is okay. But, you and Jason aren’t feeling it. Jason has pretty much locked himself in the training room but Rose is keeping him company and you’ve been pacing from room to room here and there. You find yourself mostly in the room where all of the Titans used to keep their suits, the displays haunted of what used to be. And Gar lets you and Jason be, but he checks on you both every so often, offering a snack and something to drink. You might not want to talk, but both of you appreciate the effort. You alway take everything with a sweet smile while Jason reluctantly tells him to put them on a bench only for him to go for them as soon as Gar is gone.

You’re currently seated looking at the display that says “Robin” and you’re caught in your thoughts about everything. What could have been and what should have been. You didn’t have a big plan for your life. But, you thought you’d finish school and maybe you’d follow in your mom’s footsteps. But, you’d go out and you’d do things. You’d find a purpose in this life and it would be great. You’d have hard times because you can’t have the good without the bad, but you’d find a purpose and you’d be happy. You never expected all of this though. The fighting and the torture and the pain. The pain that bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. You think the wounds are turning into scabs but then the scabs fall off and there’s just more blood and pain. It’s just so hard and you swear it was never supposed to be this hard.

“Hey,” There’s a soft voice pulling your attention towards the hallway. “How’re you doing?” Kory has a soft smile as she walks into the room.

“I’m fine.” You give your the same smile and look back to the displays.

“We didn’t officially meet. I’m Kory.” Kory says as she sits down beside you.

“Y/n.” You nod once at her. “Heard a lot about you. Alien from Tamaran who’s a total badass.” You laugh softly, looking back to the display. “Very accurate. You can shoot fire which is, in fact, badass.”

Kory laughs softly. “Thank you.” She watches you who doesn’t crack another smile. You don’t know her but Dick is worried about you and Jason. Kory’s always been better about getting the younger Titans to talk. “Dick is pretty worried about you.”

You glance at her. “I was kidnapped, held captive again, tortured again, and almost murdered again. Yeah, I’d say that’s probably fair to worry.” You snip and then looks back to her and it’s kind of like talking to Gar. The kindness. “Sorry, uh, he shouldn’t worry, I’ll be fine.” You force a smile that should have been reassuring but lacked any sort of emotion.

Maybe you’re tired of always being fine. When your mom died, you never got to process that correctly. You were in a constant state of flight or fight living on the streets. In a way, it was nice because you never had to deal with that agonizing pain. And then you’d be fine. Then there was Jerry and you got to process that, and then you were gonna be fine. And now you’re here with all this new trauma, and you’re gonna be fine. You’ll always be fine but you’re tired of this routine.

In a weird way, being checked on, has the opposite effect that it should. Instead of making you feel better and loved and cared for, it makes you feel like you’re destroying a part of people’s lives. They’re worried about you and everyone should have bigger and better things to worry about. It puts this pressure on you to be fine. You don’t want to be fine anymore but if you crack, maybe you won’t ever recover from it. So, you keep your eyes on the Robin spot, wishing you had been smart enough to rob the Batmobile and get caught.

“Can I ask why you guys decided to go?” Kory asks, her brows knitted together.

You shrug, glancing to her before looking back to the Robin display. Everyone talks highly of Kory, even Jason. So, a part of you thinks you could tell Kory. At least at this point, you don’t really have a lot to lose. What is she gonna do? Tell Dick you and Jason just want to do something to help? And Dick’s gonna get mad? He’s already mad. It’s not like it matters very much.

“Jason,” You suck in a breath. “He just wanted to show Dick what he can do and I already fucked up and I figured that if we go with Gar, it shows initiative and responsibility because there were three us of against a fucking lightbulb. And if Jason got into some trouble, I could bail him out and maybe Dick would see that we’re…good enough, I guess? He already thinks Gar is.” You roll your eyes. “And Rachel is his lap dog.” You scoff and look to Kory who does not look like she likes that comment. “I like Rachel, to clarify, and I get why, but she is.”

“Dick knows you guys are all good enough. If he didn’t think so, none of you would be training to be Titans.”

“Yeah, but we’re just stuck here. I’ve been here for almost three months and we’ve done nothing. Jason, Gar, and Rachel have been here for four and you guys did all that other stuff. Jason is literally Robin for fuck’s sake,” You feel yourself getting mad. “What more does he want?”

“He just doesn’t want any of you to get hurt. I’m sorry, but you and Jason did get hurt.” Kory tries to reason with you and you know she’s probably right.

“Yeah.” You nod your head. “I guess.” You hang your head. “Thanks, by the way, for saving my life.”

“Of course.” Kory’s voice is so soft and gentle with the words. “Rachel’s told me a lot about you.” Kory changes the subject, getting the idea you don’t want to continue the conversation. She gains your full attention with the comment. “She said you’re really good with the fighting and knives.” Kory says and you smile softly. “She also said you’ve been a good friend to her since you’ve been here and she enjoys having you around.”

“Really?” You raise a brow. “I kind of thought she was annoyed by me, sometimes anyway, I spend a lot of time with the boys.”

“She also said that.” Kory laughs. “But, yeah, she said you’re good to talk to and you have her back with Jason a lot of the times. Gar plays Switzerland?”

“Yeah, he’s pretty neutral when it comes to them.” You laugh. “Jason can be….a little….harsh sometimes.” You let out a breath. “Rachel’s a good friend, too though.”

Kory gives you a sweet smile. “Well, you guys could talk. She’s going through some stuff, maybe it’ll help.”

“You and Gar always about the talking.” You let out a half-sigh, half-chuckle. “Yeah, maybe.” Your brows furrow. “Wait, what’s going on with her?”

“Probably best if she tells you.”

“Ah.” You nod once.

“Be careful, though, okay? From what I’ve heard, you’re a good kid. Last night was scary,” You eye Kory softly. “Maybe, don’t listen to Jason so much.” Kory laughs softly and you nod. “Dick is just trying to protect you guys.”

“Yeah, I know.” You chew the inside of your cheek. “I’m an asshole to him but… that’s because he makes it easy.” You let out a breath as Kory goes to get up. “Hey, Kory?” Kory turns to look at you. “It’s okay that I’m mad at him though, right? Dick, I mean.”

“For what?”

“Not saving me.” You state cautiously. “I get it, I-I do. But, I’m mad anyway.”

Kory nods with understanding. “Yeah, it’s okay. He’s mad at you guys, too.”

“He is always mad at least one of us.” You chortle.

“Don’t be too hard on him, though. He’s doing his best.”

“Yeah,” You nod. “Thank you.” You smile softly at Kory as just Dick comes into view.

“If you want to talk, come find me, okay?”

“I will, thank you.” You nod and look back to the display while Kory leaves.

When you asked about how Bruce was as a parent, Dick said Bruce did his best. Now, Kory is saying that Dick is doing his best. It’s what you thought. It’s a thing people say when that person isn’t going a good job but it’s supposedly their best. It’s the best they can do but it needs to be better. This was your fault and you know that. But, had Dick done a better of job of communicating the urgency of you staying behind or asking you and Jason for help, had he just let Jason help with anything, it would have been different.

Dick is really good at training all of you. He was Robin so of course he’s good at it. But, when it comes to the communication side of everything, he’s horrible at it. Anyone who has a ten-minute conversation with Jason about Robin, can figure out that it’s the most important thing to him. Then, if they just look at his upbringing which Dick does know, it’s not that hard to figure out it’s because Jason just wants to be good enough. Dick’s best is not good enough. You like him, but you think maybe he needs to try a little harder.

“I am fine, you don’t have to worry. It’s our fault. It was fucking stupid.” You ramble things off in a monotone voice as Dick takes a seat next to you. “It was really fucking stupid. We could have been killed, could have gotten everyone else killed. We can’t go rogue like that because you have rules.” You squint your eyes slightly before looking up at Dick. “Did I forget anything?”

The softest chuckle escapes Dick as he shakes his head with raised brows. “No, I think you got it all.”

You nod solemnly. “Yeah.” You let out a deep sigh. “You can still lecture if you want though.”

“Do you…do you want me to lecture you?” Dick laughs, confused by the comment.

“I mean no,” You scoff. “I deserve it though.” You hang your head.

“Okay, yeah, it was stupid.” Dick nods his head and decides not to lecture, but to ask. “You could have been killed, you and Jason almost were killed. What were you thinking?”

“I’m not speaking for Jason, if you can’t figure that out by now, that’s your own fucking problem, Dickolas. As for me though,” You look forward again. “Just wanted to prove I’m good enough and useful, I guess.”

“You are good enough and useful.”

“Mhm, but uh, doesn’t feel like it here. I mean, okay, sure Jerry was a bad idea. I acknowledge that and I apologized for it but,” You hold up a finger. “Had I not gone, he might still be torturing another fucking kid or worse. So,” You shrug. “Wasn’t too bad of an idea, right? And not once, did it ever feel like it because you were always so hung up on us going rogue. Not, the good part of that. Lecture, us, sure we deserve it. But, positive reinforcement tends to work better, statically.”

Dick nods his head. “You did save that kid that night, you and Jason. Jason calling me was the right thing to do.”

“See, not that hard.”

Dick pauses for a few seconds, trying his best to find some positive out of last night. How is he supposed to find something positive in that? He’s not even good at it. Bruce was not the positive reinforcement type.

“Well, thanks to you guys, we know Dr. Light was working with Deathstroke.” Dick states, deciding that’s about as good as it’s gonna get.

You let out a booming laugh. Of course, that’s what he’s going to pick to focus on. It almost hurts. “Okay, uh, me and Jason stuck together, came up with a plan to escape, we did have Gar, and you went to finding out Deathstroke was around. That tracks.”

“It’s true.” Dick defends.

“Oh, no, it is. I just find it funny. Yeah, guess that’s true.” You roll your eyes. “You know, we defended each other...like the whole time.” You eye him slightly. “Worked together, that’s a good thing.”

“Look, I know you guys….care….” Dick treads lightly, not liking that aspect of the conversation and you eye him with confusion and hesitance, unsure of where the hell he could possibly be going with this. “About each other.”

“You look like you’re gonna puke, dude.”

“I don’t do those talks.”

“You literally do not have to.” You let out a scoff.

The last possible thing you want to talk about is that, with anyone, but especially with Dick. You might get it, understand it, and agree with the reasoning Jason has. You have your own reasoning why it shouldn’t happen. But, it doesn’t make it hurt any less on top of the other night. You’d like to go back to living in oblivion. But, is does not look like Dick is gonna let it rest.

“I do, you and Jason are my responsibility.” Dick states. “But, the two of you following each other like the other night and with Jerry, even if that did not end poorly, can be bad. I’ve seen it.” Dick confesses but doesn’t give further details. “I’m just warning you to be careful.”

“I…I…r…okay. Uh, I am my own person and so is Jason. I mean, I could have talked him out of it, and didn’t. Honestly, if it weren’t for him, I still probably would have had the idea. The only difference is Gar would have been able to talk me out of it.”

“You’re proving my point. The two of you need someone who can be the reason of logic.” Dick’s expression turns harsh.

You want to fight back but you’re too tired. It’s exhausting. “Ah….” You nod your slowly. “Yeah, probably.” You sigh. “We are friends, by the way. We discussed it. It’s fine. You don’t have to worry, Dick.” You offer him a sad smile.

“I don’t think you’ve ever called me Dick without being sarcastic.” There's a hint of worry in his voice with the remark.

The more he talks to you and Jason, the more worried he gets about you both. Jason is more snippy than usual, taking the blame, putting the entire night on his shoulders. He won't stop training even when Dick tells him to rest. You, you aren't even putting up a front which Dick has only known you to do. You’re not telling him it was your idea. You’re being understanding. This is not gonna be good.

“Yeah, well, sometimes you happen to right about things. Not often, but sometimes.”

“Are you going to start listening to me then?” Dick chuckles.

“Oh, Dickolas,” You put a hand on his shoulder. “Absolutely fucking not. I will, probably, be more inclined to listen about not going rogue though. Did learn a lesson from the other night.”

“Learn anything else by chance?”

“Yeah, men are shitty who target people because of some weird ass vendetta against someone else which is fucked up. Oh, I would die for Jason and he would do the same for me. Combat clairvoyance is also super fucking cool when I'm not the one being attacked. Jason, literally, cannot shut the fuck up. Hank is surprising protective. Deathstroke fucking SUCKS. Dr. Light was a wimp.” You let out a scoff at Dr. Light’s name.

“W-what do you mean about your combat clairvoyance?” Dick blinks at you, not even sure he wants to unpack any of that.

“Oh, yeah, felt the throbbing and then it stopped. Deathstroke went after Jason but I turned before he could do anything. Pretty neat, right?” You raise your brows at Dick.

Dick chuckles softly. “Yeah, that’s cool.” Dick pauses for a few seconds as you look back to the Robin display, your eyes go distant. Dick clears his throat. “Can I ask what happened?”

“Uh…like…?”

“How you guys were kidnapped? What all happened? Any of it might be useful in finding Deathstroke.”

“Oh, um….Jason got Dr. Light down. It was going pretty well, actually. Jason didn’t need my help, really. At the beginning, I stepped in, but he was fine after that. I was watching and then the throbbing started and I went to turn around and Deathstroke was there with the sword. Dr. Light started laughing so Jason stopped. That’s when they attacked us, knocked us out, and brought us to a basement.” Sam shakes her head, furrowing her brows. “I don’t know, uh, at some point I guess he took care of Dr. Light. He went on a villain speech rant thing. Very dramatic. Something about you roping us in to get killed or whatever. He forced us to the roof and you know the rest.” You skimp on the details of the night. It might be helpful, maybe. But, you don't think giving Dick the detail of Deathstroke beating up you and Jason will be helpful. You’re reliving it enough without saying it out loud. And you really don't remember much of his speech, just that is was all Dick's fault.

Dick nods. “Thank you.” Dick sighs. “I’m sorry that happened to you guys.”

“Well, we are both nothing if not resilient, right? We’ll recover eventually…right?” You look at Dick and this time, there’s an actual sense of worry in your eyes.

“Yeah, of course you will.” Dick offers a soft smile. “Well, don’t pull that shit again.”

“Yes, sir.” You give him a thumbs-up.

“Maybe listen to Gar more, too, both of you.”

“Mhm, noted.” You scoff. “Kory’s cool, you should like….do something about that.” You’re tired of this conversation and you know this will get Dick to stop.

Dick’s voice contorts as you try to hold back a grin. “You’re not funny.” Dick sighs as he gets up.

“I’m fucking hilarious. It’s true though, like seriously, lecture me about Jason but you’re not like……..with her??? Dude, she’s hot, a total badass, came to fight Deathstroke with you. SAVED ME. AND SHE’S NICE??????? Seriously, man. Get it the fuck together.”

“Okay, I’m done here. If you want to talk about the other night, let me know.”

“Will do.” You salute him sarcastically before he heads out.

Dick is trying to help and maybe if you were in a better place mentally, you would appreciate it. But, you find yourself annoyed by it. He just does not get it and it feels like he doesn't even want to try. Sure, he's worried and he cares about the both of you but he's so bad at communicating it and understanding. It's difficult to open up and actually have a conversation about anything. It's frustrating and you know it does not help that you’re mad at him. So, you’re glad to be left alone where you can sit and let the guilt cloud your mind.

The night goes on and within two hours of falling asleep, you wake from a nightmare. This time it's not about Jerry which is not even a bit relieving. You thought maybe a change in pace of nightmares might be a little better. At least it's not about you getting tortured but you were wrong. Somehow, your new nightmare is worse than the Jerry nightmares. And normally, you'd go to Gar because he always makes you feel better but you can't find yourself able to do that. Not right now.

You woke him last night from a nightmare and this time would be the same. You'd go into his room, wake him up, he'd turn on the light, and you'd talk. Gar would ask about he nightmare and give you this look you can't say no to. But, the idea of telling Gar about this one, feels so wrong. And there's a part of you that thinks maybe you should suffer alone tonight. You’ve already made Gar and Jason suffer enough, it's your turn. You don't have to sleep tonight and that's fine with you. So, you turn on a movie that'll hold your attention just enough to keep you awake.

Twenty minutes later, you’re engaged enough in your movie but there's a knock at your door. For a second, you pause. You almost think you’re imagining the noise as you check the time on your phone seeing it read 3 am. You wonder if you’re imagining it because no one comes to your room this late but then the knocking continues and you decide to get up, just to check.

You gets up and walk to the door. Your hands shake slightly and you reach up to the doorknob. You suck in a deep breath and twist the knob. Deathstroke wouldn't knock.

"Jay?" You shake your head at the sight of Jason in a black t-shirt and matching shorts, his hair disheveled.

"Uh....hey." Jason sucks in a breath and you swear he actually looks...timid.

"Nightmare?" You let your voice go casual.

Jason said he'd come to you and he isn't going to let that be a lie. He figures going to you would probably be a little better than going back to the training room and having Dick find out, then badger him again. Plus, you do make him feel better. If anyone is gonna get it and not ask too many questions or think less of him for it, it'll be you.

Jason nods. "Yep." He let out a dry and straggled chuckle. "Can't sleep, ya know?" He dodges your eyes.

"Well," You offer him a sad smile as you open the door more. "Come in, then." You step aside to allow Jason inside. "You can have the side closest to the window." You state as you start the walk back to your bed while Jason shuts the door.

"Offering your bed, huh?" Jason quips.

"Well, I'm not gonna let you sleep on the floor." Your eyes widen as you sit back down.

Jason can't help the smirk that pulls at his lips. "Still hitting on me, huh?"

"You fucking wish." You let out a soft laugh. "Just can't help it, can you?"

Jason laughs softly. "Reflex, I guess."

"Mhm." You roll your eyes as Jason makes his way over to the side near the windows.

Jason gets into bed and he doesn't know how he wanted this to go. All he knows is that he doesn't want to be alone right now. He's been intentionally keeping his distance from you during the day. It seems easier that way. It's easier for him to let the guilt take over. It's easier to ignore the burning in his chest. But, you’re the only one that he can talk to or not talk to. You let him exist in ways that no one else has ever let him before.

You let out a breath and lay down. "Wanna talk about it?" You turn to face him, holding your head up with your palm.

"Fuck no." Jason lets out a scoff and follows your lead, mimicking the position.

You might have asked him to come to you, figuring he’d end up with nightmares. But, you never expected him to actually do it. You’re glad he did but you didn’t think he’d do it, especially after your discussion about the kiss. Maybe that’s what’s making this feel a little bit more difficult than usual. It hurts to be close to him and you actually hate that it does. But, you’ll never tell him that. As his friend, as the one person he trusts, it’s your job to make sure he’s okay and to suck it up.

"You okay?" You furrow your brows and Jason's eyes glance between your black eye and the cut on your lip.

"You gonna bug me until I talk about it?" Jason quips.

You laugh softly. "No, but, I want to." You let out a breath. "I also had a nightmare, that's why I'm even awake."

You want him to be okay more than anything. You suffering is fine. One day, you'll move on from it, get over it because you always do. As tiring as it is, you'll get over it. It's him you’re worried about. You care about him so much that it physically hurts. And you'll try everything you can to make sure he'll always be okay.

"What was yours about?" Jason asks, glancing to your bandaged hand holding up your head.

You smile and click your tongue because this what you do. The "show me yours and I'll show you mine" game. It works for you both though. If one of you is exposed, then so is the other. The both of you allowing each other to bare your scars and wounds, allowing each other to just bleed while the other joins you is so comforting. It makes it so much easier to bandage those wounds.

You let out a sigh. "You die." Your words are low and shallow but pained and you look to the TV.

"That's what your nightmare was about?" Jason huffs, almost a little too loudly. He can't believe that's what's keeping you up at night. The fear of him dying.

You shrug a shoulder. "Like I said, you're really important to me, Jay." You feel the ache in your chest return. The thought of losing him is paralyzing. "I was where Dick was, I grabbed your hand but you slipped and I couldn't save you. I woke up before you finished falling."

Jason's heart breaks hearing that. He lived it. It was real to him but you didn't even see it. He's so thankful you didn't see him fall, see the fear on his face that he's sure would scar you further.

"Dick didn't try to save me." Jason confesses, looking up the ceiling. "The bomb goes off and I just...fall." Jason shrugs, looking back to you. "Flying guy didn't come."

You cautiously put your free hand on top of Jason's free hand. The gesture alone warms something deep inside the darkest parts of Jason's mind. "Ya know, nightmares are fucking shitty. They, uh, they just play your worst fears for you in a time of vulnerability." You state and Jason keeps his stare on you, wondering where you’re going with this. "But, reality is that Dick tried to save you. Flying guy did save you. I was out there with you." You suck in a breath and let it out slowly, Jason's hand warm under yours. "And in reality, any other time, I'd save you from falling every single time or I'd follow you right to the ground if that's what it took to save you."

"I wouldn't let you." Jason shakes his head, his voice soft but defensive. "I wouldn't let you fucking die for me."

"I know." You nod your head. "But, uh, you don't control me so you're just gonna have to deal with it." You give him a cheeky smirk and something about it makes Jason not feel so broken.

"You always gonna be trying to take care of me?" Jason gains this devilish smirk that makes you laugh quietly.

"You gonna let me, Jay?" You raise the question, matching the smirk.

Jason laughs softly and he can't have this conversation. It's not fair. So, he deflects. "He talk to you, yet?" Jason asks. "Dick."

"Mhm." You roll your eyes. "I lectured myself so I wouldn't be lectured by him."

Jason chuckles quietly. There's something so warm about his smile when he finds something comical. "You lectured yourself?"

"Didn't want to hear it from him, knew what he was gonna say." You laugh quietly. "Don't do that again." You mock Dick's voice poorly. "It was stupid, you need to think because you do that stuff." You roll your eyes. "You?"

"Oh, yeah." Jason scoffs. "It's not your fault, but you should have thought that through. Bruce trained you better than that and if you have to trust me there's a reason we weren't looping you in. I'm just asking for you to trust me." Jason mocks Dick much better than you. "So fucking annoying."

"Ya know, at least he gives a fuck, I guess." You raise your brows before rolling your eyes.

"You think he gives a fuck about any of us?" Jason's eyes widen, the very corner of the right side of his mouth twitching up.

"You don't?" You raise a brow. "Hey, look, it was your hand he grabbed."

"Obligation to Bruce." Jason's voice falls flat.

The comment hurts. He can't possibly believe that's the only reason Dick saved him. Dick is really bad at communicating and showing that he cares like normal people. But, he was raised by Batman who turned Dick's grief into a weapon. Of course, he's bad at it. To you though, it's still clear that he cares even when he's really bad at showing it. If he didn't care, he would not lecture either of you about being stupid and reckless. He'd let you get yourselves killed. Obligation to Bruce or not.

You shake your head. "Do you really believe that, Jay?"

Jason shrugs. "No, but he doesn't seem to like me much."

Deep down he doesn't think it was an obligation to Bruce. But, he does know that taking him in to be a Titan is. Dick didn't want his help in Chicago. No one wanted his help with Trigon until they couldn't get Bruce to help and even then, he wasn't really wanted. Jason is Dick's responsibility, it doesn't matter how Dick handles it because it's still a favor for Bruce. And maybe that stings a little.

"Okay, but I don't think that's always true." Your voice is quiet.

"How the fuck do you figure?" Jason scoffs.

"Well, I mean, he does look out for you. He does let you help us train. You two do get along often enough. He drives you insane and we both drive him insane. Like it or not, you two are brothers...in a roundabout kind of way. You act like it. Like, remember when we hooked up speakers to blare the SpongeBob theme song through Dick's room at four am?"

Jason starts laughing, he almost can’t get the words out. "He was so mad."

"He was." You gush. "But, he also thought it was funny and really appreciated us going to bed early so we could be awake at three in the morning to pull it off."

"And then he got us back." Jason sighs. "Shut off the fucking hot water--"

"Mid shower." You almost yell. "Asshole." You and Jason laugh quietly. "Hey, look, if he hated you, he would not tolerate it all. Gar said you would do that shit to him before I got here. So, I don't know what his issue is but I don't think he hates you." You pause for a few seconds. "Honestly, I think the only one that hates you is Rachel which is a problem between the two of you."

"Didn't everyone warn you about me?" Jason moves his hand on top of yours and your heart nearly jumps out of your chest.

"Yeah, but it wasn't...like...bad. It was just 'oh, you get used to him' which, by the way, was very true. I think most people take getting used to."

"You really like kissing my ass." Jason chortles, starting to feel like this spotlight is following him around a stage.

"I do not." You state. "But, sometimes, I think you need to hear that you're important."

Jason does need to hear it. No one has ever told him he's important. His parents definitely never did. Bruce hasn't. No one who's ever tried to help him has. Even when people do show they care about him, he's never been told he's important and it is something he needs to hear, even if he doesn't always want to believe it. At least he's important to you.

"Yeah?" Jason nods his head once at you. If you’re going to expose him, he gets to expose you. It's what you do and it works. "What do you need to hear then?"

"Defeats the purpose if I tell you, Jay." You chuckle.

Jason pauses because similar to you, he knows what you need to hear to. He doesn't know about your breakdown. Not the dirty details of it. Gar, naturally, told him a bit of it because he's worried, too. Jason pays attention just as much as Gar does, he just doesn't show it often or in the same ways.

"You deserve to be taken care of, instead of taking care of other people." Jason's fingertips tap the top of your hand.

Your brows furrow as your heart stops. "What? I mean...what do you mean?"

"Looking over me, get the feeling you always do that. Look after other people that you care about and no one was there to look after you. I don't know, you deserve to be taken care of."

"I am, uh, not always easy to be taken care of." You clear your throat. "My best friend kind of tried, ya know? But uh..." You let out a breath. "I can do this on my own attitude."

"Look at who you're talking to, babe." Jason chuckles. "Yeah, so you should let someone take care of you because you deserve a break."

In another world, you quip back and ask if he'll be the one taking care of you. And he'd get this grin that always makes you feel like the world isn't out to get you, then dodge it. In another world, the conversation would be had and things would be different. Better maybe, less painful. But, you live in this one where you had the conversation already. Even saying it sarcastically, puts too much pressure on that. So, you bite back the comment that should have been.

"Thank you, Jay." You look down to your hands.

You don't know it, but Jason knows he'll always take care of you. It doesn't matter about him and Rose or you and Gar because someone has to take care of you, always. He gets you better than anyone so he'll do everything in his power to take care of you, even if it's from afar. He's important to you, but you’re also one of the most important people in his life.

"What're you watching?" Jason looks to the TV, seeing a black dragon try to fly but falling into the water.

"How To Train Your Dragon." You snicker softly. "It's Dreamworks."

"Never seen it." Jason laughs softly, knowing that'll get a reaction out of you.

"How have you never seen this movie? It's like one of the best film trilogies ever made." You whisper-yell at him with wide eyes.

Jason laughs again. "I don't watch a lot of movies. Why are you always so surprised?" Jason continues to laugh and he loves getting a rise out of you even over movies. "There's three?"

"Mhm, and all three of them are flawless."

"What's it about?" Jason asks, there's a softness in the smirk he's daunting.

"Hiccup is a Viking and it's a world where dragons exist but the Vikings hunt down the dragons thinking they're evil monsters. But, Hiccup isn't good at killing and he's interested in the dragons so he meets Toothless and he learns about dragons through Toothless. And he finds out that dragons aren't evil, they're just scared of humans because they're being hunted." You explain the movie with as much excitement as you can without getting too loud and Jason rubs the back of your hand with his thumb, not even realizing he's doing it.

"That sounds kind of cool, actually." Jason looks back to the TV as Hiccup gets the two-headed dragon back into the cage.

"It's sick, Jay. You gotta watch em all." You keep your eyes on the TV and the act of Jason rubbing the back of her hand makes you feel so at home.

"Yeah, maybe." Jason huffs softly, a sweet smile pulling at his lips as he turns so he's flat on his back. He props his head up with his right arm so he can watch the movie.

Jason glances over at you as you mimic his position. He sucks in a breath and extends his arm toward you. You raise a brow and he gestures his arm towards himself and back to you. You gain a smirk as you move closer to him.

"Uh-huh, still hitting on me, huh?" You let out the cutest laugh Jason has ever heard as your nose scrunches.

"Yeah, you fucking wish." Jason chuckles while you make yourself comfortable on his chest. "Just can't help it?" Jason quips looking down at you.

"Maybe it is a reflex." You smile against him with your voice light and airy, Jason's arm wraps around you and his hand rest on your waist.

The two of you go quiet as you watch the movie. It feels safe, wrapped in each other with a comfort movie playing. The nightmares might haunt you both but at least you're safe in this room together. You both might be scarred and traumatized, but when you're with each other, despite everything, it doesn't feel like you are. It's so casual and comfortable. It's easy together and the world doesn't feel so heavy anymore.

The next morning rolls around and you wake up alone. Jason woke up an hour before and he figured he'd go back to the new routine. Standing in his room, training, and hanging out with Rose. You made him feel better last night and it's great but he can't wake up to you because that makes it harder. It makes the whole thing with Deathstroke and choosing Rose harder. It shouldn't but it does. He knows it's all for the best but it hurts anyway. So, you wake alone and if you wanted to be honest, it's not all that surprising. You’re kind of happy about it because now you don't have to deal with that weird awkwardness that happens when you wake up together. That's too complicated to deal with right now.

You make your way to the kitchen where Gar is eating breakfast and Donna is sitting in the living room with Dawn. You offer Gar a tired but kind smile as you sit next to him.

"Good morning." Gar chimes.

"Morning." You nod your head once at him.

"How'd you sleep?" Gar's smile is so kind and sweet.

"Uh...didn't sleep much." You let out a sigh. "Nightmare, it's fine. Um...don't tell Jason I told you but he had one, too and came to my room. So, I wasn't alone and it's fine. Honest." You state and Gar isn't sure if you’re trying to convince him or yourself.

"You sure?" Gar questions and his expression switches to worry.

"Yeah, it's fine. Hey, um," You perk up, trying to look more alive. "Wanna play video games today? Your pick."

"Sure, yeah." Gar nods softly at you and decides not to push.

It feels a little wrong to you. Nothing happened, just like last time but it feels like something did anyway. It feels wrong and you can't tell him any of it because it's too much. You don't want him to know all of it. So, now you just feel like you’re lying even though you’re not.

It'll get easier, that's what you tell yourself. The more days that go by, it'll get easier because you’re also picking Gar. He's kind and good. Jason told you you deserve to be taken care of and Gar is really good at taking care of people. You like him and you swear you do. So, you swear you'll put more effort into him.

That night, you wake up from another nightmare. This one was a little different than the night before. This time, Deathstroke was actually there. He held the sword to your back and threatened you until you pushed the button of the detonator to make Jason fall. It was your life or his and Deathstroke was making you decide. Pain started right in your back because you refused to press the button as Jason was yelling at the glass, begging you not to press the button. But, you do anyway. And then you woke up.

Your heart is beating in your chest and tears sting the back of your eyes. You know it wasn't real because Jason was saved. You were out there with Jason. You knows it wasn't real but something about it felt real. It felt horrifying and you swear you can feel the pain in your back as you’re awake. It's almost paralyzing and normally, you go to Gar. But, this dream was about you making the decision to let yourself die or kill Jason. So, you get up and walk to the left instead of right and go to Jason's room.

"Can't sleep?" Jason asks as he opens the door.

"Nightmare." You nod, shifting your weight from your toes to your heels.

Jason nods and lets you inside. He can't sleep either. If he sleeps, he has a nightmare. If he has a nightmare, he can't fall back asleep for a few hours anyway. When he's awake, he feels like he's still falling. When he's alone, that's all he can see. Windows falling past him and his limbs feel limp. What's the point of sleeping when his nightmares are just his reality anyway? So, he decided not to sleep tonight.

"Thought you go to Gar when you have a nightmare?" Jason asks and he's more or less a big fan of self-sabotage.

"I said I'd come to you." You state. "Unless you want me to leave cause--"

"No." Jason cuts you off. "You don't have to."

You gain a tired smirk. "Exactly."

“Did you wanna talk about it?” Jason asks, leaning against the table near the door.

You shrug. “You gonna tell me why you’re awake?” Your eyes narrow slightly. Jason always has a look like an annoyed beagle when he’s just woken up. He does not look like that right now. Jason gestures a hand out as he tilts his head to the right. “Deathstroke, it was either I push the button to kill you or he kills me.”

Jason lets out a breath and dodges your face. It’s not fair you’re having nightmares about him. You don’t deserve it. And he doesn’t even know how he’s supposed to make you feel better about it because it’s his fault it’s even happening. They’re about him and he lived but that doesn’t matter because it’s happening to you anyway and it’s not fair.

“I pushed it.” You clear your throat and skimp on further details about it.

“Well, that’s bullshit.” Jason scoffs and offers you a smirk. “Deathstroke wouldn’t be able to get you to do shit like that.”

“Yeah, I know.” You chuckle softly and shake your head.

“You okay?” Jason drops the smirk and lets worry seep into his voice.

“Yeah,” You furrow your brows, looking to the ground and back to him. “Just...ya know, tired.” You scoff.

Jason shrugs. "Wanna train?"

You shake your head, taken aback. "I am saying this because I care about you," You watch him carefully. "I'm really fucking worried about you."

"I'm fine!" Jason defends and he's got that grin that you’ve learned means trouble. "Really, I said we could train if you can't sleep."

"Right, yeah, but it's two in the morning and you're still limping, Jay." You lack any form of banter or smile this time. "Notice, Dick didn't have training sessions for us today. There's a reason for that. You also did not tell me why you’re awake."

"You on his side, huh?" Jason scoffs looking the side and back to you.

"No, Jason." You roll your eyes. "But, you're hurt and awake at two in the fucking morning. You wanna train. Last time, you offered to read instead of train. I'm worried about you."

Jason steps forward and puts his hands on your shoulders. "I'm fine, Y/n. You're turning into Gar, you know that?"

You let out a sigh, looking at Jason. His lip still cut and a bruise still dawns the right side of his cheek. "I'm not turning into Gar but I don't believe for a second that you're fine."

Jason drops his hands and lets out a scoff. "Did you wanna fucking argue about how I'm feeling at two in the morning?"

You pause. "No." You say softly and you’re watching him, his hands are shaking at his sides. "Actually, yeah I fucking do." You straighten your stance. "Why do you have such a fucking problem with me trying to help you?" This is not the usual conversation you both have but you’re tired and scared of losing him. The nightmare felt too real.

The question catches him off guard. Jason takes a step back but he's ready to go. "If it's so fucking hard, then stop."

Your eyes narrow before you roll them and walk up to him, mimicking his actions from seconds earlier. You place your hands on both of his shoulders. "No, you don't get to do that, not with me." You shake your head. "It's not hard but you have an issue with it for some reason. Regardless of what comes out of your mouth, I'll always care about you and I'll always look out for you. But, what is it about me caring about you that you don't seem to have an issue with?"

Jason shakes his head. "I don't have a fucking problem with it, alright?"

Jason and self-sabotage go hand-in-hand but, you don’t back down. You call his bluff every single time. And telling you things to push you away is only going to hurt you more. Jason, for the first time, has to push the sabotaging away, just slightly. For your sake.

"Then what it is?" You drop your hands and crosses your arms.

Jason looks away from you. "Everyone who's ever given a fuck about me, gives up. You said you won't but everyone does." Jason lets out a dry chuckle that nearly shatters you. He's not having this conversation. He looks back to you, throwing his arms out casually. "Look, I'm fine, alright? It's not a thing."

"What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not them?" You ask. "Your hands are shaking."

Jason shakes his head and he knows what. He wants to tell you, despite what he said about the kiss, to tell him he’s an idiot and you wanna be with him anyway. But, that's not fair to any of you because you shouldn't have to prove it to him. Jason should just believe you because of everything that's happened so far. A part of him does believe you, it's hard for him and Jason swears it always will be. So, he brushes it off.

"Nothing, alright? It's fine, we're fine. It's good. I'm fine." Jason assures you and you can see the brokenness in his eyes. "Come on, come train with me." Jason jerks his head towards the door. "I'll read to you after."

You hang your head and this boy, he's gonna be the death of you. You’re so sure of that. You’re worried about him. You’re more worried about him than you are about anyone else. But, you try to swallow it because it's only been a few days. It takes time and if anyone knows that, it's you.

"You'll read to me again?" You raise your brows.

"Yeah, of course." Jason smirks at you.

"Yeah, okay fine. You've convinced me." You roll your eyes and walk towards the door. There’s no fighting Jason and maybe if you train with him, he’ll start talking. "But, like I said, I'm always gonna take care of you so I'll go easy on you." You hold your head and wink at him.

"You're not that good, babe."

"We'll see, shithead." You mock him and Jason lets out a laugh.

Over the next week, you and Jason continue to have nightmares that leave you not sleeping very much. Half the nights, you find yourself in Gar's room and every time you wake him up, you feel guilty. At this point, you’re pretty sure he's not sleeping any more than you are because you keep waking him up either by coming into his room or by having nightmares next to him. He's really nice about it and really good about talking you down from them because, while you hate talking about them, you’ve been telling Gar hoping it'll help. It hasn't.

The other half of the nights, you find yourself in Jason's room. You said you'd go to him and he's having nightmares every night, too. At least he isn't sleeping so you don't feel guilty for going to him. You both talk about your nightmares in the joking way that you usually talk about your trauma and you both think that might help. It hasn't. So, you train for an hour or two every time you come to his room and then he reads to you. Those are the only nights Jason actually gets some sleep.

Every other night, Jason stares out of his window and stands there for hours, just staring. He watches himself fall, he watches the windows pass him and he waits for the collision of the ground to suck the air from his lungs but it never comes. He wishes it would though. He doesn't sleep unless you’re with him and he's pretty sure he only gets some sleep to satisfy you. Or maybe it's because he's comfortable with you and he wants to satisfy you so you don't have to talk about him not sleeping. Sleeping is becoming just as much of a chore as breathing for him.

As for the days, you spend a lot of time with Gar. He keeps the thoughts away throughout the day. He asks just enough questions to make sure you’re okay but he's learning not to pester you because you'll talk on your own time and with the right questions. You’ve gone further in detail about the night and it breaks Gar's heart all over again. But, he lets you talk and he listens and reassures you over and over and over again that's not your fault. And you play video games together because that's Gar's way to get away from all the negative shit. It helps during the day a little.

But things are different. You can't put your finger on it but things are different. The other Titans whisper and have meetings. There's more going on than just them looking for Deathstroke. You aren't sure what the hell it is and you don't care much. Donna, Dawn, and Kory at least check on you and you’re thankful it's them and not Dick since you’re still mad. But, it's weird and it's different.

Gar is back to giving you that sympathetic look of worry and you hate it again. Rachel seems upset with you, probably because you didn't tell her you were going to hunt down Dr. Light and she wasn't included. And Jason is avoiding you during the day, not that you’re seeking him out much during the day either. It hurts being around him because you look at him and all you see is your own guilt staring you down. All she you is the pain he's going through and knowing it's your fault and there's nothing you can do to fix it. So, you let yourself be closer to Gar and you let yourself just be with him, exposed and maybe that's helping a little bit.

Jason spends a lot of his day either in the training room or in his room staring out of the window. He's intentionally avoiding you and Gar. Jason's been spending more time with Rose though and he is enjoying his time with her. She distracts from all of it, during the day anyway. But, it still feels like there's something sucking the blood right out of him, he's cold and his hands are shaking. He's tired and can't sleep and it's hard to breathe. And he wishes he could just turn back the clock to how it was before because right now, everything sucks.

Everything hurts. His leg is healing but it hurts still and his lungs hurt, his heart hurts. His head hurts and his eyes sting. The other Titans haven't really talked to him much. He feels like an outcast and while things weren't perfect before, he didn't feel like this.

Now, you’re asleep in Gar's room. You have your head on his chest, your hand on his stomach and his arm is around you. And it was going fine. You were actually getting some much-needed sleep but then, of course, a nightmare hits. This time, it's worse. Normally, when it's about Jason dying, you wake up right before he dies. This time, though, you get to watch the whole thing. From start to finish, you watch him fall onto the car below, you hear him scream just as you did that night a week ago and because that wasn't enough, Deathstroke still stabs you. Dick is sitting off the side just watching it, doing nothing while Jason lays lifeless fifteen stories below you and you bleed out. You scream in your dream only for Gar to be yelling next you, jumping out of the bed and that's enough to wake you up.

You shoot up and see Gar standing off to his side of the bed, face contorted in pain. "W-what happened?" You ask, catching your breath as dread fills your blood.

"You burned me!" Gar yells, his face turning a light shade of green as he looks at you with a sense of terror in his eyes and that's when you see it. His shirt is melted to his side and tears immediately brim your eyes as your entire being just shatters.

"I-I-I'm sorry." You spit out, trying not to completely lose it as you get out of the bed because you cannot look at him right now.

"Y/n!" Gar calls after you but you’re already leaving the room.

Tears start to fall down your cheeks and you can't believe you burned him. Of all fucking people, it just had to be Gar. The one person who never snaps at you and who has always been understanding. He's not dodging anything, he just listens and tries to help and that's just gotten him burned. You want to melt away right into the floor. You should have told him. Why didn't you tell him? You should have been more careful. You should have suffered through your nightmares instead of putting him at risk. You swear you’ve never been so selfish.

There's a rapid knocking on Jason's door, too loud and annoying for him to able to ignore. Normally, he might be annoyed or completely ignore it by putting on headphones, figuring it's just someone who wants to talk about what happened. But, it's four in the morning and the knocking is persistent, only one person is even up around this time sometimes.

Jason opens the door and there you are, cheeks wet. Swelling is setting in your eyes and they're bloodshot. There is something seriously wrong.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jason asks, looking you over without even realizing he's doing it. Just making sure you aren't physically hurt.

"I-I-I-I b-burned him." You sputter out, voice cracking and breaking.

Jason grabs your hand, pulling you into his room before shutting the door behind you. "Burned who?" Jason asks. "Gar?"

You nod frantically. "I swear I didn't mean to!" You let out a sob. "It was an accident but I hurt him and he's hurt and it's all my fault, Jay! It's my fault he's hurt!" Your voice cracks as your words are almost too fast to comprehend.

"What happened?" Jason asks, trying to keep his voice level and calm with you. He's never seen you like this and it's actually scaring him. He takes on Batman villains without a fear in the world, but you losing it? Yeah, that's terrifying. He wonders if this is how you view him.

"W-w-we were sleeping and-and I-I I had a nightmare and-and-and I-I guess I-I can't control--" You let out a cough as you try to get your words out.

Jason closes the distance between the two of you, putting his hands on your shoulders and squeezing. "I can't understand you. You need to calm down." Jason nods his head, keeping his voice stern to not allow the fear and worry to be revealed.

You suck in a ragged breath. "I had a nightmare." It's a sob that leaves your throat, tears falling down your face as Jason tilts his head slightly. "I can't control it sometimes." Your voice is so broken and defeated, Jason can feel the heartbreak in the marrow of his bones. "I burned him." Your head hangs as you let out another cry.

Jason sighs and he doesn't know what to do to make this better. You burned the person you’re in like with. You blame yourself and Jason hates that because it's not your fault. Sure, he's an asshole to Rachel about not controlling her powers but this is you and this is different because you can control your powers a lot better than Rachel can, at least it seems that way. You haven't tried to kill anyone with yours, on purpose or by accident. This is different and he just feels absolutely horrible and he's worried about Gar because Gar is his best friend. But, it's you who's in his room.

"Come here." Jason moves his hands away from your shoulders, pulling you into a hug, resting his hand on the back of your head.

You wrap your arms around him, your arms weak but you squeeze him as you cry into him. The last thing you want to do is hurt someone by accident but the fact it was Gar and because he's so nice to you, that's another level of guilt you’ve never felt before. It is soul-crushing to know he's hurt and the look of terror he gave you. It didn't matter that he tried not to be mad, you saw the green starting to tint his face. He's hurt and you don't know how bad because you couldn't face him. And maybe you went to Jason instead of Kory or Rachel because Jason is kind of mean when someone can't control their powers. Maybe you hoped Jason would be mean to you because you deserves it but now he's hugging you and rubbing your back.

"It's not your fault, alright?" Jason says, trying to keep his voice steady with you.

"Yes, it is!" You yell out in a sob.

"It's not." Jason says, you looking up to him. "I'd fucking tell you if it was."

"I burned him, Jay."

"Yeah, but you said it was a nightmare. It's not your fucking fault." Jason says and maybe if this happened before Deathstroke, he'd have a different opinion.

He'd probably agree with you and then tell you to make sure he's okay. But, this is after. This is the Jason after who suddenly understands what nightmares do to someone's psyche. Suddenly, he gets just how traumatizing and real the nightmares can feel, even an hour after waking up. He wakes up in a pool of sweat with a racing heartbeat, not able to fall back asleep until the following night. This isn't your fault.

"I never told him." You admit, your chin wrinkling and your voice is small.

"What?" Jason asks, his eyes widening. And now he's remembering that small conversation you had a little over a week ago when Rachel almost killed him.

"It-it wasn't a big deal b-because it never happened with Gar before. I-it only happened w-when I was alone."

"You should have told him!" Jason urges and now he's growing a little annoyed. You knew and while you told him, you should have told Gar. You spend more time in his room than Jason's. It's kind of a need to know thing.

"I know!" You let out another sob.

Jason lets out another sigh and he tries not to be annoyed because you show him patience even when you shouldn't. "Okay, is he okay?"

"I dunno, he was m-mad so-so I came in here."

"How mad was he?" Jason asks, a bit intrigued. Gar never gets mad but Jason doesn't blame him. Being burned awake sounds pretty infuriating.

"He was turning green." You whine.

Jason gains a yikes expression. "Stay here. I'll check on him." Jason pulls away. "Don't fucking go anywhere, got it?" You just stand there as Jason reaches the door. "Y/n!" Jason yells at you, making you look at him. "Sit your ass down. I'm serious, don't fucking go anywhere, I'll be right back." Jason states and you don’t fight him.

Jason watches you walk to his bed and sit on the very edge before he leaves. Jason checks Gar's room and doesn't find him there so he heads to the infirmary. That's where he finds Gar, addressing the burn on his side. He's wincing and groaning as he tries to clean it the best he can. Burns are the worst types of injuries. Nothing really helps them, they just burn.

"Hey, man." Jason walks in, standing a few feet behind Gar, watching in the mirror.

"What?" Gar asks, his voice a little snippy.

"You alright? Y/n told me." Jason says. sticking his hands in his the pockets of his sweatpants.

Gar shakes his head. "I'm fine."

Of course, you told Jason. Gar wouldn't have told anyone. It could have stayed between the two of you and you went to him. You bailed on him after you burned him to go to Jason. Maybe he shouldn’t be mad at that, but he is. His fuse is a lot shorter tonight.

"That's pretty bad." Jason can see the burn from where he stands. There are pieces of fabric glued to it and Jason winces at the sight.

"I know." Gar's voice goes quiet.

"She feels really bad." Jason states and he can't believe he's the one trying to fix something.

"She did burn me." Gar huffs.

He feels horrible for even being upset about it but it hurts. He knows it's not your fault, he knows that. But, Gar wants to know why it's always him in the crossfire of people who can't control their powers. Rachel almost took his hand off and now you gave him a third-degree chemical burn. Shit hurts.

"Yeah," Jason scoffs. "What happened anyway?" Jason asks walking over to him.

"I was asleep, next thing I know, I'm in pain." Gar huffs again, trying to pull a piece of fabric from the burn. He swears he'll never sleep with a shirt on again.

Jason winces as he watches. "She said you were turning green."

"Yeah." Gar states with hints of shame in his voice, getting the last of the fabric from the burn.

"I have her locked in my room."

Gar eyes Jason for the first time since he walked in. "Why?"

"Because she's fucking crying, man. She's losing her mind and I don't know what the fuck she's gonna do." Jason lets out a huff.

Jason knows what he would want to do if it were him so he locked the door from the outside. All the bedroom and infirmary doors lock from the inside and outside, likely some security measure type thing. It's a bit mean if you try to leave but it's better than the alternative.

Gar hangs his head, letting out a sigh. "I know it's not her fault." Gar looks back to Jason. "She's going through a lot and I should have..."

"Expected her to burn you?" Jason quips.

"No," Gar lets out a scoff. "I don't know, been prepared, I guess."

"Not your fault either." Jason states. He watches Gar try to be careful with the wound but it doesn't look like it's working. This is such a strange position for Jason to be in. It's normally you and Gar trying to help him but now he's gotta help the both of you. He owes you both. "I got an idea, you wanna help?"

Gar eyes Jason with suspension. "Depends, the last time you had an idea you and Y/n got kidnapped and dropped from a skyscraper." Gar snips, taking Jason off guard.

Jason rolls his eyes. "Thanks for reminding me." Jason snips back and he wonders if this is what you and Gar deal with with him. "It's about Y/n and you." Jason says.

"What is it?" Gar quirks a brow, his interest piquing.

This is Jason trying to help. Gar's said it a thousand times, Jason is actually a good friend. But, he is a little surprised that Jason is so willing to offer help with him and you. Gar isn't blind or stupid.

"She's cool, ya know? And you guys....are cool together, I guess." Jason swallows his pride and feelings about you and Gar almost chuckles at Jason struggling to talk. "So, I have an idea for her not to burn you....or anyone in her sleep."

"Because it's a matter of time before she burns you, too." Gar quips. Jason opens his mouth to argue but now he's just confused. "I know she sleeps in your room sometimes."

"I'm not overstepping, man." Jason defends himself quickly. "It's not like that." He wishes it were but he’s already that decision. And, you’re better off with Gar anyway.

"Right." Gar nods, not believing him.

Gar knows you and Jason aren't doing anything. Gar knows there isn't anything going on between you because neither of you would lead Gar on. But, he can see it. Everyone can see it. He knows something was going on before Deathstroke.

"Do you want my fucking help or you gonna give up on her?" Jason snaps and he knows what it's like to have someone give up. Gar isn't the type but it's sure seeming like it.

Gar's shoulders slump forward. "I'm not giving up on her." Gar's voice is small and has lost its venom. "What's your idea?" Gar lets out a sigh and goes back to cleaning his wound.

"My cape is fireproof." Jason states with a bit of pride and Gar wants to explode but he holds it together to find out what Jason means, specifically.

"Okay, and that has to do with what?"

"If it's fireproof, maybe it's Y/n proof." Jason suggests.

"Dude," Gar lets out a huff and he can't take it anymore. "What the hell is going on with you guys?"

It's not fair to him. He's waited because he thought that was the right thing to do. You were going through a lot and he didn't want to try and do anything if you weren't ready. But, Jason is always around and it's like he's in second place with Jason. Which, is fine, if Gar knows that but the two of you are so fucking wishy-washy about everything and Gar can't figure it out. This is the last straw. You burned him early in the morning and Jason is suggesting something involving one of his prized possessions.

Jason shakes his head and this is it. There's no turning back if he answers this how he needs to. Gar will tell you and that'll be it. He knows that's what's best. It's part of why he's dodging you both during the day. It's why he's hanging out with Rose. You should have someone who will protect you and you should have someone who's not going to ruin you. Gar won't do that. If you want him. It's up to you at the end of the day but Jason doesn't want to be a reason you don't choose Gar if that's what you want to do. It's your choice, but Jason doesn't want to be a reason for your choice.

"Nothing, man. We're just friends, that's all." Jason answers honestly. You are just friends but he bites down his feelings for you. "She gets me, ya know?" Jason keeps talking, trying to convince himself more than he is Gar. "And she was there last week so it's just different with her. But, there's nothing going on. I'm hanging out with Rose anyway." Jason gives Gar the fakest smirk he's ever had. "You should talk to her about it though." Jason chuckles. "She'll kill you if she thinks we're fighting over like a fucking price."

"It's not like that." Gar groans. "I'm the one who told you that!"

Jason laughs. "Yeah, but it's true." Jason defends. "She looks like she might bite me if I try anything with her."

Gar lets out a laugh. "Yeah, she does kind of look like she'd punch you." You absolutely do not look like you'd bite him or punch him if Jason tried anything, but Gar decides to agree with him anyway.

"Exactly, so if you wanna go for it, you should. Even though she just burned you." Jason sucks in a breath. "You're good together and you seem to make her happy."

"Thanks, Jason." Gar lets out a sigh. "What about your cape?"

"We're not using my cape, actually." Jason states. "But, if it's fireproof, maybe it's resident against chemicals. It's zylon so it should be. Bruce has access to the best materials and my cape is no different. It took blasts from that fucking lightbulb like it was nothing. Didn't even feel warm." Jason says as if he's bragging about it. "What if I call Bruce? See if he can get gloves or some shit? Test 'em out, just until her nightmares stop. She can still sleep with you and you won't get burned."

Gar's eyes are slightly narrowed as if expecting Jason to be up to something. This is most Jason has said all week. "That's nice of you." Gar keeps his eyes narrowed before he goes back to his wound. "Do you think Bruce will help?"

Jason shrugs. "Probably," Jason watches Gar before going to one of the cabinets and grabbing the petroleum jelly and a non-stick bandage. "Here." Jason hands them over as Gar gets the last piece of fabric. "Wash it first."

"Yeah...I know." Gar says slowly. "Who are you and what have you done with Jason?"

Jason laughs. "What?"

"You're being really nice right now and it's weird." Gar's eyeing Jason with suspicion and confusion. He’s never seen Jason this helpful before.

Jason shrugs. "Look, you guys have been there for me so I owe you guys." Jason says with a shrug of his shoulders. "You're my best friends."

Gar smiles softly. "Thank you, Jason."

"Don't mention it." Jason smiles. "You should check on her when you're done. I'll keep her in my room to make sure she doesn't lose it."

"I will, thanks." Gar nods and Jason leaves.

Jason heads back to his room and he feels a little better with talking with Gar. They had the conversation Jason didn't think they'd ever have or even needed to. But, it's out in the open now and he can't take any of it back. And he knows that he was able to help, at least a little bit.

Jason finds you sitting at the edge of his bed with tears still staining your cheeks. Jason sighs and sits next to you. You’ve been sitting and staring at the wall with a heavy chest. You’ve been thinking about how much you’re supposed to be able to handle before you finally snap. Something is bound to happen sooner or later and that will just be it. You’re dreading it and you’re terrified of what it'll be and how many more people you'll end up hurting because of it.

"He's fine." Jason assures you.

"I burned him so I know that's fucking bullshit." You huff with a scratchy voice.

"Yeah, like he's gotta fucked up burn but he's fine. He's not mad at you or anything."

"I don't believe--"

"He's fucking fine." Jason cuts you off. "I didn't tell him you knew, either. Don't beat yourself up for it, alright?"

"I deserve to though."

"No, you don't." Jason shakes his head. "Look, okay, he fucking cares about you and he likes you so just...let him." Jason nods his head and you turn your head slowly to look at him, wiping your cheeks.

"W-what?"

"Like, I said, you deserve for someone to take care of you." Jason swallows thickly before furrowing his brows. "Let him and stop beating yourself up for it." You shake your head. "You like him, don't you?" Jason lets out a scoff.

You pause and maybe that should tell you all you need to know about the two boys. Even with it being complicated, the question isn't. It's a simple yes or no question that you do have the answer to. But, you find yourself pausing anyway because it doesn't feel that simple. Jason is the one always telling you you like Gar and you agree with him. It's always been easier agreeing with him because it's true, than it is to have to admit anything else that comes tied with that. Admitting it fully, right now with this conversation, is closing the door on you and Jason. You don't want that door to close on your end, it can close on his, but not on yours. So, you’re willing to have the real conversation.

"Yeah, I do." You nod.

"Okay--"

"Not done." You shake your head. "But...I like--" You pause and you see this look Jason gives you and it's screaming.

It's like you can see him holding his breath, waiting for you to finish the sentence. For that second, you question if you should continue the sentence. Maybe running would be better. Maybe living in a state of what if could be better. And Jason is waiting for you to finish the sentence. He's torn between hoping you tell him you like him, too because despite everything said and done between the two of you, those words have never been said. And he hopes you change pace because if you tell him that you like him, he'll ditch everything he's thought about that and decide it's worth it. He knows he will and that might poison you. So, he's waiting and just a few seconds feels like hours.

And you pivot because you have to run from it. You and Jason could be good and work, it'd be fun and everything you’ve ever wanted. That seems too good to be true though. So, you run.

"Like, I burned him, ya know? And that's..." There's a brokenness that clouds your eye as you steer away from the conversation that should have been. "That's just a lot."

Jason nods and he acts like it doesn't hurt the very center of his heart. "So?" Jason scoffs. "It's always gonna be a lot." Jason shakes his head. "It was an accident. You call me out for shit all the fucking time, take your own fucking advice." Jason states.

You nod your head and the decision is sealed.

You always thought about Jason and Gar. You weigh them and you think about how wrong that is. But, every time you go towards Jason, think about him dying. How much it will hurt when he dies. It's inevitable. You swear it is because Jason is Robin. The Joker will kill him. Or the Riddler. Mr. Freeze. One of them will one day. Deathstroke was luck. But, he won't get that lucky forever and you don't want to be the one with a dead boyfriend. And you don't want to burden him if you’re the one that dies first. Jason's been through too much. And you’re just as reckless. One day, you'll die, too from some stupid decision you made and it'll destroy him. You won't let him be the one to hold that burden of the boyfriend who couldn't save his girlfriend. And you don't want him to ever feel like he should die for you because of your feelings for each other. Deathstroke was proof of that and you can't let him do that. At least as friends and no chance of anything else, maybe he won't die for you. Maybe when the day comes when one of you does die, it won't hurt so much.

And on top of all of that, Jason isn't what you need. You want him. Despite every reason you have to not like him and not want to be with him, you do want him. But, you need Gar and you want Gar. Because Gar is still safe. Gar can handle the world being thrown at him. You have no idea how that boy does it, but he does. And Gar makes you want to make better choices and not be as reckless. You need to learn how to have some self-preservation and Gar can teach you that.

Jason makes you want to burn a city down but Gar makes you want to learn how to put the fire out without destroying yourself. It's not as fun, you swear it's not, but maybe it's better for you. Maybe Gar is better for you even if you’re afraid you'll end up ruining him. Even if you’re worried you'll break his heart one day. Gar is a better option because you’re traumatized and Gar doesn't care about any of it. And he's safe and logical and fun in ways that aren't reckless. There isn't that adrenaline rush with Gar, but you do like him and you think maybe, if you try, you could love him one day. Maybe he'll be fun like Jason with time. Maybe he'll fill those things you like about Jason with time. So, you pick Gar.

"Alright." Jason nods and it's as if there's this silent conversation had between the two of you where you know. You both know how this would be different and you know it hurts the two of you. But, you both stick with it anyway because maybe it is for the best, for everyone.

"Thanks, Jay" You give him a fake but subtle smile.

"Yeah, no problem." Jason clears his throat as he jerks his head towards Gar who's standing in the doorway with a new shirt on. You turn and your heart drops into your stomach.

Gar hasn't heard much of your conversation, just the very end of it. But, the way Jason's looking at you, there was a lot more to that conversation. It's the look of pain and heartbreak on Jason's face that tells Gar he is not going to take Jason's advice. There's something between you and Jason and Gar isn't going to subject himself to it. If you want to, that's awesome but Gar isn't going to make that move.

"I'm going to train." Jason stands up.

"Jay." You groan.

"I'm up anyway, might as well." Jason forces a grin to his face before leaving before either of you can stop him.

"Hey." Gar greets, keeping his distance.

"I'm...I-I'm so sorry." You swallow thickly. "I-I never meant--"

"It's okay." Gar assures you. "I'll be fine." Gar gives you a soft and subtle smile. "Are you okay?"

"Are you?" You flip the question. This isn't about you.

"Yeah, it, uh, it hurts but I'll be okay." Gar moves to sit by you. "I'm sorry I freaked out."

"You should have freaked out. I should have told you." You hang your head. "I, uh, i-it happens sometimes. I-I've never melted anything or anything like that before. I-I don't know what happened but I-I should-should have you."

"Yeah," Gar nods his head. "Yeah, that probably would have been nice to know." Gar lets out a gentle laugh. "It would have happened anyway though. It's okay."

You shake your head. "It's all messed up."

"It'll get better." Gar assures you. "I'll heal and you'll get better. The nightmares almost stopped before, they'll stop again."

"You're always so optimistic." You shake your head but there's a smile pulling at your lips.

"Someone has to be. Everyone here has enough negativity." Gar chuckles.

"Thanks for not being mad." You sniffle.

"I can't stay mad at you." Gar laughs and his cheeks start to heat up.

"You're so understanding." You let out a scoff but you have a smile. "Are we okay?"

Gar nods softly. "Of course."

Now is not the time to bring any of this up. It's a fresh wound and in order for it to not feel forced or out of guilt, you want to wait before you have the conversation with Gar. You want a little bit of time to sit with your feelings on the decision. You want to make sure that you picking Gar, isn't an obligation or the wrong choice. If you’re going to pick him you have to be sure. It's not fair to him if you aren't. So, you do not take Jason's advice right now. You offer Gar a sincere smile.

"Want breakfast? I'm wide awake so..." You laugh softly.

"I'll help this time." Gar chuckles. "I'm definitely not going back to bed."

"Well, come on then, Gar." You stand up, sucking up the heaviness in your chest as you stick out your hand to Gar. "Let's get some food." Gar hesitates but just for a second before taking your hand gently in his.

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