#i do tend to have activities floating around in mind but i'm not really the type to plan stuff for off days

[diluc33rpm]

that last ask was the first one in this series to make me cry. i wanna go liter for this next batch to balance out but i only have seven questions left and they're all some flavour of sad except this one:

1/2 What are your plans for this weekend?

oh just these ones

[drdemonprince]

woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects

yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.

i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.

now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.

it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.

but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.

i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.

but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.

if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.

i say this as a reminder to myself!!

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

I feel myself having so much less patience these days, and I don't like it.

Patience and compassion and kindness are things that must be cultivated like tender plants - they grow by the inch and die by the foot.

Seeing into someone's heart is something that takes a little effort, but the way to do it is by reframing your outlook, like you might adjust your vision to see through water. There are layers to a person, and you have to look past what they say or do on the surface in order to get to their true motivations.

And it takes patience and holding space for people, because they are used to operating in an unsafe environment. It's like when you go to the pond, you're not likely to see frogs right away. You might need to sit quietly for a half hour before the frogs re-emerge and float to the surface. But once you see them, suddenly there are frogs everywhere! You just had to wait until your mind allowed you to take them in. People's vulnerabilities and intentions are the same way. You might need to wait a while until the person is sure you are safe to be around, or they might have been exhibiting all of those vulnerabilities and motivations pretty openly; you just couldn't tell until you knew what you were looking for.

This gets much, much harder to do when you yourself don't feel safe, especially when you aren't (or feel like you aren't) being seen as human. You also (obviously) must see the other person as equally human to yourself, or this doesn't work. Perhaps a broken, deeply flawed person; but a person nonetheless.

I work in the domestic violence field, and so I end up talking to a lot of abusers in my professional life on behalf of my clients. I've found that it helps a lot to be kind. Why? Not because it's deserved, but because it's unexpected. They come into the situation ready to fight and argue, and instead, I speak to them kindly and explain why what my clients are asking for is in everyone's best interests. This seems to deflate them pretty immediately. They come into the situation thinking I'm the boss level for "fights with my ex (or whatever)" and then I listen. I take them out of earshot of my client, I let them vent (which helps me figure out what they actually want) and then I patiently explain our position and how we're offering to resolve the situation. And you know what? It works. A lot of the time, they were expecting me to treat them like a monster. But they're not a monster; they're a person who has done some inexcusable and horrific things, but they remain a person. I think about both my abusive exes, and the truth is that they're both people I loved, and loved for a reason. I wouldn't want someone else to hurt them (even if it was in cruel words only) just because they hurt me. Sometimes, the abuser is the father (or mother) of the client's children. There is typically always anger, but what good does it do for me to vent that anger for my client? Who does it help? Nobody. If we can't agree, then fine. I will do my job of asking the tough questions without mercy. But before that? Far better to de-escalate if possible.

Another conflict resolution thing: you have to remove the aggressive third parties that are angry on one side or the other's behalf. They tend to aggravate the party and escalate the situation by talking in the person's ear and saying how unfair this is and generally making it about their own feelings rather than problem solving.

But here too, finding out where the third parties who have involved themselves in the situation actually want is critical to diffusing this as well. They are people who are righteously (at least in their mind) angry on behalf of one of the parties because they love them and this has activated their protective side. And sometimes people really do need an advocate, yes. But sometimes (a lot of times) these third parties actually get in the way of de-escalation and problem solving.

All of this requires patience, effort, cultivation. And I work hard to do that. But lately my patience has been worn thin by too many people seeing me as subhuman, and it's really starting to wear on me.

[katarh-mest]

7th time loop vol 5 thoughts

Just finished volume 5 of 7th Time Loop. I don't want to wait until September for the next book! Can't believe I inhaled them all already....

Anyway, stuck some heavy spoilerific thoughts below a line here.

The reveal that the current Emperor has a massive bloodlust presence and he doesn't even try to hide it... He really is being built up to be a monster, no?

What I suspect is that in every timeline, he's been the instigator of the war, and even Arnold killing him has never been enough to stop it once the gears are in motion.

He's priming the rest of the world for a takeover - doing stuff like pouring poison into Dietrich's ears to create a failed coup attempt in that kingdom as a way to knock them out of the picture, weakening Domana by killing off their last remaining priestess (not caring that she's the cousin of his oldest son, since he views his own children as political tools.) The whole counterfeit coin business too.

Every plot has been a long con designed to provoke all the other nations into either being weakened, or into holding a massive grudge against Galkhein, all for the sake of creating a world war that can't he stopped, not even by his death, and leaving the mess for his son Arnold to clean up.

Canon vs Fanon stuff

There's a bunch of things floating around in fanfics that seemed plausible considering the series has supernatural elements, but I was slightly disappointed to find weren't in Vol 5. Maybe they'll be in volume 6????? (Spoil me in comments, go ahead.)

Arnold can take off Riche's clothes with his mind (now wouldn't that be amusing!)

Arnold has super healing powers inherited from his mom (TOTALLY believable) - this one pops up and seems to definitely be in volume 6th so I'm saying this one is probably canon, but I don't know 100% for sure

Arnold is stuck in his own time loop (I'm seriously leaning toward this, it's just his loops have been stuck as a personal hell where he can't stop his dad no matter what he does.)

Wacky things that absolutely are canon:

Arnold's eyes glow sometimes

Rishe and Arnold both have super senses. Love the way the anime depicted her picking out Count Lavinne in the crowd. They're practically Force sensitive.

Rishe is a quick study and has an eidetic memory. In modern day terms, we'd call her gifted. She doesn't forget names or faces that easily. That's it's own super power.

Rishe did study a lot of her interests as a kid, so if Arnold sent Oliver to do homework on her asking "wtf how is my future wife so amazing" the mundane answer was "she actually did do stuff like archery, horseback riding, sword training, etc., but the prince of Hermity told her to stop every one of those activities because she was better than he was."

Fan Theories I've seen

Arnold in a Loop: The reason I tend to agree with the fan hypothesis that Arnold is in his own time loop is because 1. He seemed to be under the impression that she was slightly afraid of him up until the last chapter of volume 5 (I mean, he did stab her in the chest last go round) and 2. He's way too brilliant for even a determined, workaholic 19 year old. Like Rishe, he acts like got an extra few lifetimes of learning under his belt.

He's also several steps ahead of Rishe at every turn. He already knows what's happening, and he seems genuinely delighted at how fast she catches on. And he grabs her suggestions with two hands and runs with them because they're good and valid and often present the solution to the problems he himself wasn't able to find, like a way to make Coyelles an equal partner instead of his first target for invasion.

Was her 5th loop really the first time that he encountered her? He made the gesture toward his heart that she interpreted as "Shoot me if you can" but what if in a prior loop, say the 2nd or 3rd, he saw a cute scholar in Coyelles and wanted to try to encounter her again in later loops but didn't again until the 5th? What he he's bumped into her in every life before, but she only developed her own hunter's sense in the 5th life so never realized it? What it he's been crushing on a girl for 30 years and only by chance in the 7th loop did she choose a different escape route and bump into him?

Dream Vision Arnold: Another fan theory I've seen is Arnold having dream visions of all the wars started in all of Rishe's lives in the future. And that, too, would jive with him having inherited the blood of the goddess and having majority and some notion of events that haven't come to pass yet. (And also why he insists on calling Rishe his wife even though they aren't married yet. Probably saw enough visions of her that the moment he saw her jump off the balcony, he went "oh. That's the girl from my dreams I'm gonna marry. okay. get her. GET HER NOW.")

My own pet theories:

Arnold's mother and the Crusade Church - Fan theories center around the idea of Arnold getting his super powers from his mother's side. (Although his dad is a monster too.) What if the Goddess picked Arnold as her champion of revenge against his dad and that's why he's stuck in a loop (and Rishe is the one getting dragged along with him cuz she's a soulmate?)

Opposing forces: Arnold's father works for another god/goddess (maybe a war god or something) and believes it is his mission in life to bring the world war about, and that's why Arnold feels like he has to stop him

Possible prophesies: The fact that Arnold's father committed straight up infanticide and eventually killed or had all his concubines killed makes me wonder if there was some sort of oracle that told him that his death would come at the hands of his own child with hair of a different color. (Arnold kills him anyway in the six loops so far.) This opens the door for RISHE (daughter in law) being the one to get to murder him in loop 7, which frees Arnold of the sin of patricide but has her committing regicide instead.... Not that she'd care, she's already killed plenty in all of her loops, especially the last two. But since Arnold seems to be getting ideas of involving the Crusade Church, maybe having her take on the role of the champion of the goddess might absolve her of that crime. Especially if the new Emperor Arnold Hein forgives her.

Rishe actually is one of the chosen of the goddess, and Arnold is the only one that knows.

Final Thoughts

Rishe so worried about the public kiss during the wedding ceremony that she hasn't stopped to think about what comes after is kind of amusing. Granted, she trusts Arnold not to hurt her and that he won't do anything she doesn't want him to. But still.

(Also, getting kissed senseless is a pretty nice birthday present.)

Even if it's his first loop or his seventh too, Arnold is absolutely besotted with her. He's a lovesick fool and he's trying so hard to keep it together in public.

SEPTEMBER CAN'T COME FAST ENOUGH!

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: kermiekermie

today's interviewee is @kermiekermie, who ran "Friend or Host", was a part of the "Block Men Simps" group chat, and has generally been an active member of MCYTblr for a long time! below is a transcript of the questions and answers.

Q: What was your general experience in MCYTblr? Does anything stand out to you immediately?

A: I think my general experience on mcytblr was pretty positive compared to some peoples. The one thing that really stands out is how young I was- i was 11 when i joined mcytblr in early-mid 2020. That didnt really change the way people treated me aside from the occasional teasing and babying, but I did make it a point to say I didn't want to be treated differently. Mcytblr was not my first time in a fandom space and I knew how to avoid creeps already so I never really had any truly negative experiences, honestly the only annoying things that happened were being banned from discords and blocked by people due to my age (which was completely understandable). The biggest memory I have of mcytblr is of course the Block Men Simps group chat, and the original members of the group chat are really the only tumblr mutuals I still keep up with (snail actually has my snapchat!) I still kind of view them as a sort of family, and they were there for me in what I consider an extremely low point of my life and really helped me take my mind off things. During quarantine, I didnt have any of my irls numbers or socials and my mom had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, so I quite literally NEVER left the house and tumblr was really the only social interaction I got for a solid year. And while that definitely impacted my social development (i still cant start a conversation with someone irl without feeling nauseous and shaky) i'm very grateful I had people to talk to throughout that.

Q: I understand that you were the one who set up "Friend or Host". What was the process of organizing a fandom event like that like?

A: Friend or host . god. Like I said, I was 11-12 throughout the majority of my time on mcytblr, and I had ZERO experience organizing anything and I had very little help from anyone else. I tried to make it work the best I could and got creative, but overall I don't think it was a very big success. Funnily enough, not everyone who participated in FOH knew my age and one of the winners actually blocked me afterwards they found out, which I still giggle about today.

Q: How did Friend or Host go?

A: I don't think FOH necessarily went bad, but if I had a little more help and better organization skills and planned it out further ahead of time, I think it would've gone better. It was still fun and I had a good time either way, but I can admit it was a little messy.

Q: What major events in the fandom do you remember? (Either from the MCYTers themselves or fandom-specific!)

A: Honestly, my memory of my time in the wider mcytblr community isnt all that great and I tend to get timelines a little messed up, but i DO remember being there for the creation of the original dreamceler copypasta. In the BMS group chat we were having our normal conversation and someone oncest got brought up at the same time as dream somehow, and thus Ginger wrote the extremely cursed dreamceler copypasta. This eventually evolved into an entire universe (the dreamceler cinematic universe?) with various different copypastas that eventually had to be archived because of how out of hand it got. Sometimes I still see the copypastas floating around and it kind of freaks me out every time. I also have a veryyyy vivid memory of the time I made the 2020 mcytblr election discord read OmegaNotFound on wattpad (do NOT research. for your own safety) and it was really amusing seeing everyones reactions.

Q: Do you remember any of the "kinnie" blogs?

A: oh MY the kinnie blogs!! i actually have dms with a couple of them plotting little jokes and such and I got involved with them quite often!! i actually ran a justaminx one for a couple days (yikes) and it wasnt really that believeable looking back. me and ginger as well as a couple other mooties loved spamming the ask boxes of them with piss jokes and such, and I feel like we played a pretty big role in how widespread and popular kinnie blogs became.

Q: What was the "Kroger Anon"?

A: oh my dearest kroger anon how I miss you…. I still dont know who the kroger anon actually WAS, but they would send rainbow colored advertising messages about Kroger to various mcytblr blogs at random intervals. Funny thing is, I dont live near any krogers and have never been to one in my life, but the anon messages kinda made me want to go. I miss kroger anon…. kroger anon if youre reading this come home please..

Q: What were common in-jokes in the fandom of that time? (Copypastas, headcanons, rumors, etc)

A: Common in-jokes is a hard one!! like i said earlier, my memory of my time in mcytblr isnt all that great or extensive and I could probably better answer this if I went through my archive but alas, I do not have the patience for that. Obviously we had the good ole tapeworm and pregnancy posts, dreamceler, and various other cursed copypastas and memes. One inside joke between the block men simps gc was "thinkign 👽" which came from a typo snail made that just kind of caught on and we would use every once in a while to giggle at. Other than that, I can't really think of any specific inside jokes.

Q: Is there anything else you remember or would like to talk about?

A: Something I really want to talk about is how much lurking I did!! on the outside I was definitely a normal parasocial mcytblr blog but I lurked on pretty much every corner of the fandom you could really think of. Obviously I have a ton of critblr and other controversial mutuals but I never really openly interacted with that side of mcytblr since it was pretty heavily debated and I am nothing if not conflict avoidant. I also did quite a bit of truthing that no one ever really mentioned which I guess I sort of appreciate. I think being in a fandom that involved actual real people ar that age for that long kind of screwed with me, and ive never really been able to be in a fandom for a piece of actual fiction because theyve just never gotten my interest in the same way, I guess. Even now, i was in grouptwt for quite a while (tgc podcast) and now im active on kpoptwt, which again, both of those fandoms are for actual real people. I dont think its the parasocial aspect either, ive never been super parasocial and have never had a problem criticizing the content creators I watch. Im really grateful for all the people I met on mcytblr, but I think the actual dream smp and the way I engaged with content overall negatively impacted how I interact with things now.

[voxofthevoid]

Wait I— WHAT— 500k+ words for JJK? Alone? Oh my god. I’m one of your new readers, and I’m blown away by not only your word count but the wRITING LOGS?? How?? Do you keep track of your WIPs?? Do you write consistently, period?? Do you have any advice for someone who can barely squeak out a paragraph to describe a vision in their brain?? Please bless me with your skills, Vox-sensei 😭🙏

Welcome to my madness 🤣❤️

Okay, in all fairness, I'm usually not this unhinged productive. Last year, for instance, my total word count was only around 250k (iirc). I'm sure I wrote more than that from 2018 to 2020, but my logs from those are divided by fics/chapters or weekly.

... I've, uh, tried a lot of shit over the years.

Which is an important point! I've been posting to ao3 for nearly a decade now (not consistently, but I don't think I was away for more than a year or two), and I've been writing in some capacity for around 15–17 years now. There's been a lot of trial and error over the years, plus changing life circumstances leading to varying energy levels and writing time. The main factor is inspiration; if it's there, I'll write a lot, but if not, I'll be a potato.

So with all that in mind!

Logs

I do keep track of both my word count and my WIPs. I've got color-coded docs and spreadsheets even because I'm a fucking nerd. I've got pictures of it floating somewhere on this blog, but my fic folders tend to be nested, numbered little monstrosities.

WIPs

I call them WIPs sometimes because they're extensively detailed outlines mostly, but the more accurate term is ideas/plot bunniesdemons. I don't work on more than one story at a time. Typically, I start something and write it in narrative order until it's done. There are exceptions—my current fic was started in a post-236 frenzy, and I set aside the PWP I was working on for it. But usually, I only actively write one story at a time while everything else gets developed/outlined as inspiration strikes.

Consistency

You could say I write consistently, yeah! I don't do it every day because I take breaks whenever I finish a chapter (and of course, life throws curve balls sometimes), but typically, I write around 22–25 days a month. I set aside a few hours for it. Average daily word count also varies, but these days, it's 1.5–3k. When I'm really in the zone, it can reach 5–6k.

I'm a hobbyist writer with no aspirations of writing professionally, so my approach to the whole thing has been to wing it and see where it takes me. So I haven't really done anything with the concrete goal of improving. The best (and only) advice I have is very boring and cliche though: read and write.

Read widely if you can and narrow in on the kind of style and genre you like. Note down passages or turns of phrase that struck you and figure out why. You'll absorb a lot automatically, but I've heard people recommend emulating styles on purpose as a writing exercise.

Mainly though, the best and easiest way to improve is to keep writing. Technical rules can be learned pretty easily, especially with how many resources are available online now. Field/subject-specific reference materials are also abundant. But developing your own style and improving the flow of your prose are things that need practice. And it never really stops, especially because your writing will continuously evolve in more ways than one.

This got way longer than I intended. Oops? Thanks for asking though, anon. I did have fun replying!

[masquerade-v]

Ghost!Sheriff Thompson x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Contents: domestic fluff, brief mentions of violence (not towards the reader, don’t worry), height difference, mentions of his past.

Authour's Note: Happy Valentines Day everyone! I thought today would be a good day to post this so i hope you all enjoy this! As per usual, this is in no particular order, just writing some thoughts! Also might be ooc (definitely ooc, i'm just writing my interpretation of him (kinda turned him into an oc by accident but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)).

Tomás hasn’t really been in a proper, established relationship in a long, long time. He’d never thought he would be dating anyone again since he’s not all that… approachable for reasons.

But it was a pleasant, albeit strange, surprise when he realized that you weren’t scared of his macabre tendencies towards people he finds to be morally corrupt.

He will try to keep it hidden away from you still, but if you’re lucky or very unlucky, you might get a glimpse of acting very hostile towards them.

He’s a very affectionate lover, usually using his words to express his endearment towards you and to compliment you, both in English and his first language, Spanish.

He also shows it in other ways such as doing tasks for you, giving gifts from who knows where or trying to make you as comfortable as possible.

He most certainly doesn’t mind physical affection and he greatly welcomes it with open arms, it’s just that he is much more adept with words.

Like Nyx, he’s not used to the usual shows of physical affection such as hugs and kisses, and tends to get flustered and quiet if you choose to initiate it.

When sleeping however, it’s a whole new story. He’ll cling onto you, resting peacefully, while leaving very little space for you to move around.

The funny thing is, he doesn’t even need to sleep since he’s a ghost. He chooses to just because he wants to be with you.

He hangs around you a lot since he has all the free time in the world and follows you wherever you go.

He’s an unusually powerful spirit, so he can use one of his abilities to make sure only you can see him so no one will panic at the sight of an uncanny-looking, wild west sheriff floating beside you.

Being 6’2” and levitating most of the time, he is always towering over you even if he tries not to, but he can’t help it, he likes the height difference between the two of you.

For instance, he finds it amusing seeing you tip-toe to try and reach for something he’s holding. He’s only lightly playing with you when he does that but seeing all the emotions in your face, it's just so interesting yet delightful to him. To be with someone so expressive.

Annoying you every now and then is something he does well, but with no ill intent, just good ol’ banter, something that he’s used to.

He can get a bit jealous of people who try to start a relationship with you. It's understandable, being alone for so long and to have someone there is a wonderful feeling... but to have them taken away from you can hurt a lot.

If asked about his past, he will only speak of his surface-level life. His job and his day to day, normal activities during his time period.

He will not mention anything deeper than that so as to not terrify you of what he has done in the past.

If you bring up a certain, prolific name in his town of residence, he will speak of details that are known to the general public and nothing more.

Tomás will kindly ask you to not speak of it ever again, he has his history with that whole “ordeal” and those involved, and wishes to not open old wounds.

And that’s all for now! Hope you all liked it! I’m planning on posting a lil redesign for him soon (another one, i know, but it looks very different from his og design so I hope that isn’t a problem, might turn him into an original character with a new name and such if you all would be interested, might give me some ideas on to expand his character more and create new ones and add more info on already created ocs of mine too like Kathrine, Obi and Kate (last two’s gonna get a name change, I’ll explain soon)). But that’s all for now!

[realisticintentions]

AO3 (or past works) Fic Tag Game:

Rules: I'm not sure. But, then again, I've never been one for rules anyway.

Tagged by: @nonamemanga you mischievous little thing you...

1. How many works do you have/had on AO3/FFN?

1 on AO3 and probably like... 5 or 6 on FFN, I think.

2. Whats your AO3 word count?

1,543

3. What fandoms do/have you write/written for?

Presently: Wednesday (2022)

Previously: The Breakfast Club, Harry Potter, Ravenswood (2013 - 2014), and some D*sney projects (before I got older and it felt weird for me, personally, to keep writing).

In the coming future? I have a few in mind. Might revisit The Breakfast Club, to be honest. I tend to gravitate towards small fandoms half the time.

4. What are your Top 5 Fics by Kudos?

There's only one, standing at 133 Kudos currently: nix

5. Do you repond to comments?

Yes. Comments have always made my work feel validated, and they just make me excited to continue writing. I love responding and having discussions about my work and answering questions and teasing. As @nonamemanga is well aware.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have yet to write an angsty ending. It is something I have yet to explore within my work. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending; which is probably the most optimistic thing about me. Usually, most of my endings toe the line between a happy one and an ambiguous or open ending.

7. Whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics would have the intention of a happy ending, I would say.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Why, yes I have. The little fandom mentioned above? Ravenswood? This was a series connected to Pretty Little Liars that came out when I was 13. Pretty Little Liars was never a show I could really get into, but when Ravenswood came along, I was invested. And oh boy, did I get some comments when I decided to write about my two favorite characters from the show. I was having petty little screaming matches in my ffn inbox with other 12 to 14-year-olds before I finally decided to start deleting them.

9. Do you write smut?

No, and I don't think I ever will, personally. I've enjoyed reading the ones I have, but I don't think I could bring it in to any story I write without it seeming random and unnecessary. Kudos to those who are able to write it though.

10. Do you write cross-overs?

I have in the past, but I don't see myself writing any anytime soon. It can get convoluted.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I wouldn't mind working with someone in the future if I think people would be interested.

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No. As much as I would like to, my schedule does not offer much writing time. I feel like I would be getting someone's hopes up if I don't end up pulling my weight. Love discussions though.

13. What is a WIP you would like to finish but doubt you ever will?

HA! Here's the thing... I have yet to finish a WIP. Granted, the last time I was actively involved with a fandom and writing for it was when I was... 15? 16? So... Yeah, none of them were ever finished. They're still floating around on ffn, and because I know how to look for them, every now and then I'll re-read them. The thing is, my writing style and outlook of life, and my experiences have changed so much over the years that I can't really see myself finishing them.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

In terms of getting me to write for them, I will give you 3:

Weyler/Wyler. The one that got me back into writing after almost 10 years. They are just so dear to my heart, and the fact that I've made a few wonderful friends within this year alone because of them is just... Great. It's great.

Because I care deeply for my 13-year-old self's feelings, I will defend the ship that got me hate comments for writing about them. Which was the pairing of Caleb Rivers/Miranda Collins. It was 2013 and their storyline was intriguing, okay? I was unaware that the show was even related to PLL, but the spiteful comments I had received from that fandom just made me love shipping them more so... Ha!

I do have a special place in my heart for Allison/Bender though. My 80s detention babies.

15. What are you writing strengths?

Grammar has always been a thing I try to do my best on. I also think I'm able to come up with storylines that would be interesting for the audience to read. It's just a matter of getting them down on paper.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Welcome to my TedTalk.

Getting them down on paper. I am also my worst critic, especially when I re-read my work. I nit-pick over the details, whether there's too much or not enough. What to leave to the imagination and what do I want to pointedly get across? Writing is a hell of a process, and as I have mentioned a handleful of times, sometimes my brain is just like... Nah. There are times where I question if I just can't find the write phrasing to get my ideas out onto paper or if I just... Don't want to.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I am hesitantly dipping a toe into this. I'm just trying to figure out where to have my translations, while also making sure my translations are correct. One of the many issues with only knowing English.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

I don't remember. I think it was Harry Potter? I wrote a lot of Marauders stuff, I know that much.

19. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

nix. Yeah, it's the only one I have to my name, but it's the first to kick off one of my many WIPs and I think it's a solid start.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

None of them. I have no use for going back to the past when I have things that are more important to me as of right now. That, and those documents are long gone from my files. Besides, it's a sign of growth, y'know?

So yeah, I hope to continue writing. Not really going to add any ship tags or anything bc this one is a bit more personal to me.

Tagging: @therulerofallpotatos @writerrose1998 @lovepoison9 and anyone else. I didn't want to tag too many people just in case they've already done it.

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Special Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day brick!

Here's the story that goes with that picture I drew for you!

Word Count: 1.3k

The day typically would have been seen the same as any other, but on this particular slow morning a certain disguised hero was already having the time of his life. Like usual, he'd woken up way before his roommate had and was already in the kitchen tending to their breakfast and a secret snack he was making specifically for this day. He laughed to himself as he took and spun a few times while mixing the dough up, humming in delight at the particularly powerful strawberry smell. His ears stayed poised to listen for his roommate unlocking the door, hoping the smell of food would lure him out somehow. With that thought in mind, he sped up, moving quickly as he pieced together the treats out of that dough and got them on pans, then in the oven.

He dusted his hands off before sneaking over to the hallway the other's bedroom was in, standing out of sight around the corner as he heard movement from inside. He grinned and pressed his back up against the wall in an attempt to remain fully hidden, keeping his squirming tail behind him so it wouldn't give him away. The ambush was complete when the door clicked, pure silence followed as his roommate listened to the silence suspiciously, then the smallest sigh and movement. He found it strange that he could never hear them walking, but the slight shift of the scales on that long tail was enough to give it away.

The instant his roommate stepped to the corner, the cat leapt out at him with a playful roar and latched onto the much taller man. Like always, he was immediately growled at as the dragon, Irzayn, glared at him and started trying to pry him off. "Will you stop doing that?! Get OFF!" He was trying and failing to pull the smaller man off and it was only agitating him even further.

Varazae laughed merrily and eventually shoved himself away from Irzayn, narrowly missing the irritated swipe of sharp claws. The dragon never really hurt him even when it did connect, but he didn't feel like having another shirt torn. "But why not? You're not even awake when you come out of there! You are now!" His tail wiggled slightly from entertainment and he hurriedly spun around to dash back towards the kitchen after receiving a murderous look. "You can't kill me! I'm the cook!"

Irzayn narrowed his eyes but gave in with a grumble, lazily heading to the couch and sitting down, turning on the TV. It was immediately showing news of a recent bloodbath that ended with the hero's loss, and the escape of Voidshire. They both watched the TV, but with different thoughts. Varazae felt rather…depressed over that fight. He had also taken part in it but for some reason kept being the only one left unharmed against that villain. Irzayn, however, felt extremely annoyed that they were blaming the bombs on him and that he hadn't gotten that artifact without getting hurt. He was still sore from it, one reason he never liked being jumped on.

The two did their normal activities, Irzayn watching the news while Varazae fussed in the kitchen. He wanted this to be a masterpiece, and judging from the lovely smell floating from the oven and how the dragon kept glancing over impatiently, he figured he'd gotten it down pretty good. With a flourish, he got the treats out of the oven and set on the stove to cool down some. The especially strawberry flavored cookies sizzled further on the hot pan as they finished and the cat smirked, wondering if he should mess with them. He doubted Irzayn knew what day it was.

He gave a nod after a little more before he playfully called out, "I'm all done!" He had to hold back a snicker when he heard the other get up so quickly. Irzayn always did like strawberries, so he guessed this much was natural. Even so, he waited for the tall dragon to enter his kitchen before grinning up at him. That blank, tired, annoyed, and unbothered gaze was all he got in return, like usual. He hummed in thought as those strikingly unique golden eyes drifted towards the pan of cookies. "...do you know what day it is?"

Successfully, that yanked those amazing eyes right back to him. "...why? It's just Tuesday—" He was cut off when the tiny cat stood on his toes and his hand shot out, hooking Irzayn's neck to yank him down lower so their faces were closer. His eyes went wide and he yelped, "Vara—"

A finger touched his lips and the cat looked serious for a few moments, before the gaze softened and he gave a sweet smile. "It's Valentine's Day. I made you cookies, don't you have something for me?" He really didn't think the dragon would, but he wanted to mess with him some. He was met with a long stare before it turned more annoyed than anything. What he didn't expect was for the dragon to nod and reach into his pocket. "What…?" Vara's eyes widened when he caught sight of a little charm, one that you'd hang on your bag. It was a little kitten playing with a croissant and…to be honest Vara had no clue where he could have found something so weird.

But once it registered he gasped and dove for it, reluctantly pulling his finger away from Irzayn's surprisingly soft lips as he tried to get the charm. But Irzayn held it out of reach above his head as he stood back up, frowning for a long few moments before allowing a smirk. Varazae proceeded to growl, his tail flicking in agitation. "What? You expect me to give it to you after what you did? You haven't even paid me yet—"

Vara promptly shoved a cookie in Irzayn's mouth, watching the dragon double over and cough, having nearly choked on it. The cat snatched the charm from his suffering roommate and stuck out his tongue at Irzayn. "Thanks Irza! Hope you liked you're cookie~!"

Irza proceeded to give him a glare, still clutching the counter and trying to breathe, but pushing himself back up and finishing the cookie properly. Even he couldn't hide how his long scales tail wiggled happily. "Shoving it down my throat is not a nice way to trade."

Vara shrugged and grabbed a cookie before bolting so he could avoid being grabbed. "You're the one who started messing with me!" He always found it hilarious how angry Irzayn's face could be when his tail gave away what he was actually feeling. The motions were so similar to a cat's that he had no trouble learning the body language either. Now in the living room and out of reach, he spun on his heel and smiled brightly at his counterpart. "Thank you Irza! I mean it! Happy Valentine's Day!"

Irzayn watched him retreat and rolled his eyes, but when Vara spoke again, he couldn't help but stare at the joy on his friend's face, his heart feeling like it skipped a beat. A hand flinched towards his chest as his eyes went wide again, but he turned his head away. In a much quieter voice, he muttered, "...yeah. Happy Valentine's Day…" He didn't know what that feeling in his chest was, or why he felt it with both Quickvine and Varazae, but he'd never admit to it. Just like he'd never say how delicious these cookies were, and how much a precious friend he thought Vara was. Yep. Just another typical morning for the hero and villain pair.

—

END

Hope everyone has a lovely Valentine's!

(brick here)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EFSDJFSAFKDEWKSFDEWKSAFEWSAFC I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS TO BE IN MY ASKBOX ????? WHAAA 3D THIS IS AWESOME AND FUCKING ADORABLE !!!!! VARA JUST SHOVING THE COOKIE DOWN HIS THROAT AND ATTACKING HIM IS SO CHAOTIC I LOVE IT :DDD THANK U SMSMMFSNDFJDS FEWSD

[meili-sheep]

I hate it when authors go. 'People don't realize this character has good and bad personality traits, so I'm going to characterize them in such an ooc way and he's going to get villanized by everybody. Even though he is shown to have a good reason in doing these things.' And then they make the villain sympathetic by giving them a sad backstory, even though they murdered multiple people and destroyed cities.

So here is Kai's writing advice for today.

Write your villain as if they are the hero to themselves. Write them like if the perspective was changed, they would end up looking right.

And I'm even talking about highly immoral villains too. If you constantly think about your villain's motivations, even if it just boils down to them causing destruction for fun? It's going to make them more dynamic. And will even benefit your Hero.

Let me use my OCs as an example. (Kaeya and Diluc is at the bottom)

You might have seen them floating around here. But my hero/protagonist is a kid name, Landon. Landon is a person who likes to avoid conflict. He is constantly looking for a middle ground and looking just to be treated fairly. He doesn't want to suffer but he also doesn't want others to suffer. He want understanding and compromise.

Things he's considered very lowly by his society. He's magic and ranked at the bottom. He's uneducated. He's an orphan. He's only off the street because a person who wanted to research his magic abilities took him in.

His main Advisory? His main advisory is INCREDIBLY sympathetic to Landon. He actively denounces people's poor treatment of Landon throughout the story And Constantly stands up for Landon.

This Villian. He's highly educated and incredibly smart. He too, is magic but is ranked at the very top. And while his background is a mystery. People are acutely tolerant of him, and he lives off of using his abilities to entertain people. Often being called into soft-off for rich people. And He HATES this. And he is looking to totally upend this society. He thinks magic should be the dominant force. Finding anyone without ability as weak and useless. He doesn't want to compromise or find peace. He wants ruin, and he sees Landon's struggles as further validation for his ideologies to be the right path.

Not to toot my own horn, but I think that makes him and Landon both more compelling at the core of the story.

But let me circle back to more of a context That I think you were going for. Which is fanfic and, in particular, Kaeya and Diluc.

Look, in my work Kaeya tend to be an Accidental villain. Because he is doing what he thinks is right but it often clashes with Diluc's wants. Just because well Kaeya isn't thinking about those things. He focuses hard on Diluc's safety. So he's creating conflict, but you can always understand why it's happy and get sympathy for both parties

So they really even when going OOC for fanfic. Just keep writing your villain with their motivation in mind. Because it will keep it from feeling like a total misinterpretation.

[agirldying]

Thank you for your reply!

I don't think what I experience is dissociation per say because the numbness appears at specific times but I think I'm always overall aware of my own body/thoughts.

As for emotional amnesia I do relate to that. It made it really hard to get anything from therapy because I simply wasn't able to tell how awful I felt a couple of days prior our sessions.

I'll look into the self gaslighting a bit more but from what I've seen, the thing that might make me resonate with it is the fact that I always have the feeling that whatever happened to me is okay because it either wasn't really that bad or because I was just made to handle it. While my abuse was still ongoing as a child I did not show any sign that something was wrong. I was not carrying the burden around all the time, I just dealt with it when it happened and *almost * completely ignored it the next day. Even when I actually told my parents what was happening and a therapist asked to see me I just refused (and didn't see her as a consequence). I just wanted it to be done and now it was so why talk about it?

And I'm not sure how "healing" applies to me. What am I supposed to heal from? I'm not mentally ill. I'm not always dealing with pain either. Even things I do that are considered unhealthy aren't actively impairing me. I feel like trying to "heal" will just be a slap in the face that nothin was ever bad. By that I mean I might "try" and figure out that I really did not have to try hard at all, it would just be easy because I was never truly struggling with anything to begin with. I feel like when people talk about healing they're trying to escape from something (be it symptoms of mental illness or self destructive behavior), like (excuse the metaphor lol) trying really hard not to drown and actively struggling to stay afloat, while maybe all I have to do is simply not move and let myself float around. And maybe I should simply do that, but it feels wrong

Hey etoilause,

Dissociation can be momentary or take different forms other than a disconnect from your body or thoughts, but of course it's up to you how to describe your experiences.

The thing about enduring trauma is that often times we as survivors will act "normal" while we're actively being abused, because it's a survival mechanism. Sometimes our line of logic is that if we show we're distressed by what's happening, that could only get us in more trouble or escalate the situation. When we're in an abusive situation we do not give ourselves the time psychologically to actually process what's happening, which is why this tends to only begin once we get to a place that we can subconsciously register as safe. Instead of processing, we're focused on just surviving. I wonder if any of these things resonate with you.

But I also understand refusing therapy because you wanted to just be done with it. Even 6 months after I reached safety, I was already tired of rehashing the details in my mind. 8 years later I'm still battling it. I think sometimes we believe it's more efficient (like with avoiding escalation) to just carry on as normal and try to live as if nothing happened. But when you have trauma, that's not really possible, at least without professional help.

About the use of the word healing, I do hear what could be that internalized gaslighting, in feeling like healing almost invalidates what you've been through. I will just say that you don't have to be mentally ill to heal (and mental illnesses tend to be more... chronic? i.e you can manage it but it will likely be there indefinitely, though the same goes for trauma), and that you don't have to be always in pain to heal either. Even if you got a paper cut you can heal, you know? But that's not to minimize your experiences. Suffice to say, your pain doesn't have to be constant or debilitating to need or deserve healing.

And tied into the healing and internalized gaslighting thing is perhaps that idea that healing is to escape something. On one hand, yes absolutely, and rightfully so. But on the other hand, I think there's a certain implication attached to the word escape or even escapism, because it insinuates that it's bad to escape (not necessarily trying to say you intended for this implication, just bear with me lol). And that's maybe where I see that internalized gaslighting coming back in, because it's almost like (correct me if wrong) you think, on some level, that it's worse to heal and better to stay in the pain, however severe that is.

I hope I could help, and feel free to reply.

[temporarymoods]

first blog!

yay I'm blogging. I'm 21 and I made a blog! maybe this will be good for me, I think. maybe I can keep doing things that are good for me.

🎶 I want sweet revenge / I want him again 🎶

So not true! (I tend to start diary entries with the lyric of a song that's stuck in my head-- especially cool if relevant.) But no, I'm single, and I don't feel particularly wanting of either vengeance or re-coupling at the moment, though the moment tends to be short and infantile. That being said, when I talk of the recent, it certainly is the most important thing, and, wouldn't you know, it takes a quite specific form, seemingly out of nowhere, which surely plans on vanishing within a bit. There we have the reason for this blog (see: name.) Digging in: something we should all be doing more, scraping art and thus pleasure out of our lives; momentarily my sole commitment, while it lasts, while anything does.

It rained today, and thinking about the water calls my attention to how crystal-clear things have been in and around my little being as of late. I told my therapist on Monday (tonight is Wednesday's) that perhaps, the good, long days I've met over the past week are the result of another hypomanic episode, not unlike the one in April which got me diagnosed with bipolar ii. She told me that, frankly, she wished I had never come across the term; I'm doing well, and nothing's wrong with that, and I should be proud of myself. She's right, of course. Consider the heinous acts of socializing, self-esteeming, sweating, and getting shit done--- not bad things, just what I've been wanting for so long!!* So maybe I'm unipolar (aka it's just depression lmao.) Fruitless conclusion? Methinks. Moods, each and every last one, still dominate me (ooh la la), and I won't turn my focus away from them now, as I'm just starting to write the perfect cheatsheet. TLDR I'm sensitive, perhaps not clinically, but does it matter?

🎶 My baby loves me, I'm so angry / Anger makes me a modern girl 🎶

Real. And complicated. While patriarchy has been sooo top of mind, along with an atypically roaring orange feminist fire in my heart, roughly shaking 'gender ideas' have been floating around my head, too. I suppose one of them floated through my fingers and called a hair salon yesterday afternoon. The spirit of gender must have simultaneously took over the air in my lungs and let me schedule a cut for Friday. And I'm so mad, at everything, more than normal; I think about the shape of misogyny, and I've somehow become re-appalled at so much, because there is so much, and it hurts, very actively--- maybe it's that things have come so up to surface recently, like I said, clear. But?B/c?And? When I get ready to be out in the world, and I'm there, taking time with reflective surfaces, I look at my face and I see something different than usual--- someone more me, suddenly present, too. I greet them, haha, hello! Who are you? And what will you look like with short hair? Maybe more like yourself, whoever that is, whatever we've been dealing with. I'm sorry I may have pushed you away for so long, but I promise that I'll get to you eventually, through the brush. Avoidance is something I am great at.

Not all of the time, though. Last Friday--the one that ended up too good it got me shaking in my refusing-to-take-my-prescribed-mood-stabilizers boots--I strutted (strat?) into the Disability Resource Center on campus, before noon, and I did something that I had been avoiding for ~500 days, something that haunted me day-in and night-out for truly that long. Here, I will not disclose what that was. But what matters is that it was stupid, meaningful to me in a way I would not wish upon anybody, and I cried on the T home, with relief and joy and a puff of laughter. And I did talk to real people about it, and only let out a couple tears the second time. Now I'm writing on the web about it, really putting it out there: I make mistakes! I am capable! I'm going to fucking graduate college!

*I recognize that it's a little sad to be so startled by the presence of my own well-being. But it's a true picture, and I am quite comfortable with it. :) There's a story I tell myself, about my life (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this)--- when it comes to the past couple of years, it's...rough! And that's okay, if only because it has to be. It's left me with certain inclinations, sure: My therapist (who is awesome, if so much is not already clear) tells me I get anxious about becoming anxious. Yeah. She also says stuff like it's 'safer to blame yourself than eyeing the system' [my note] which I think is rad. I appreciate her and her help in dismantling my black-and-white thinking. Thanks, Andrea!

🎶 I've got sun in my muthafuckin pocket, that's for sure 🎶

SorryNotSorry for not being able to get enough of Olivia Rodrigo's new album--- sue me! Can you be surprised, dear critical Kate follower, when I've been pulling so much existential peace from rewatching Pretty Little Liars at night and flourishing notably within my oft-adored bedroom? No, you cannot! And it is with this activity in mind that I close out my first blog post. Part of me wants this to sit and collect internet dust. Another part of me wants it to get like, max 3 notes (that's what they call likes on Tumblr, right?) If you're reading this, hi. So silly, so so silly.

Tastefully, Kate 9/13/23

p.s. super duper into a specific kind of indie music recently. playlist titled 'rememba' is a cookie jar.

[whatanoof]

hello there mesh'la, i'm a major cal kestis simp and i absolutely adore your work! i don't know if you normally do requests but if you do, i had an idea! can you do one where cal and his girlfriend spend the night making love very loudly, and then the morning after the crew of the mantis teases them about it - and they point out that the both of them are covered in hickeys? xd

Pairing: Cal Kestis x Reader

Word Count: ~1.1k

Warnings: references to sex, swearing, rather cruel banter until you consider that they're family and it's all good natured teasing?

A/N: Anon this would totally happen, I'm not going to lie to you. Cal would get so lost in the sauce that he wouldn't think too hard about holding back in any way. The found family dynamics are high in this one guys, not gonna lie, but the prompt is so freaking funny in concept that I couldn't resist? Also, I've totally moved into just finding Cameron Monaghan gifs that really fit the vibes, because Cal Kestis gifs tend to be super serious

Greez snaps awake, scared and disoriented. What had woken him? There’s a rhythmic squeaking coming from the wall, and heavy breathing echoing around the tinny walls of the Mantis.

“Fuck, please!” Someone groans, long and drawn out and breathless and loud.

Oh. He rolls his eyes, grabs his pillow, and smushes it as tightly as he can around his head. It does the job decently well, he supposes as he drifts back to a fitful sleep.

---

Merrin was already awake when the noises began to filter through the walls of her quarters. Dathomirian Nightsister texts are scattered haphazardly through her quarters, half of them skimmed through tonight and another two floating before her.

“You feel so good, baby.” A strangled moan follows the words, someone keening rather high, enough to rival that of a shrieking bird that she had heard back home. “Fuck, can I move?”

It takes a few seconds for the words to pull her attention from the texts, but when she notices, all she does is huff a heavy sigh. Green magic spins around her before expanding to press to the inside of her room.

She listens carefully for a few moments, but no sound gets past the magic barrier. She curls up under the covers and continues to read. At least someone is having fun tonight.

---

Cere is on night shift in the cockpit. No physical sound reaches her, but her connection to the Force twinges. She lowers the noise of the comm chatter and magnifies the Force sensation, identifying increased pleasure and thought projection coming from the aft quarters of the Mantis. Not again.

She sighs and pushes the Force as far as possible from her mind. Turning up the comm chatter again, she continues to monitor the surroundings.

A high pitched groan pierces through the stillness, echoing from inside the air system and managing to be heard by Cere even through her headphones. Her temper flares, but she inhales sharply and calms herself. There’s nothing to be done about it tonight. There will absolutely be words in the morning.

---

“Good morning!” Cal all but skips into the kitchen towards the caf machine. “How close are we to Bogano?”

He is greeted with less than an equal amount of cheer. Greez sends a highly unimpressed look his way over a cup of caf. “Someone’s in a good mood.”

Merrin snorts, “I bet I could tell you why.”

Cal blinks at them, looking like a swampling caught in headlights. “What?”

Cere appears behind him and claps a hand on his shoulder, “I believe that they’re referring to last night’s activities. Very loud activities.”

Cal says nothing, but the expression on his face can only be interpreted as, ‘oh shit.’

You really couldn’t have timed it better if you tried, because you chose that exact moment to appear from the back hallway, blinking sleepily with mussed hair and a truly impressive array of blue and purple dotting along the skin exposed by the neckline of your pajama shirt. All eyes land on you the second your foot hits the threshold, and you freeze at the sudden attention.

“What’s wrong?”

Merrin breaks the tension, “You got a little something there.” She gestures to her own neck, and your hand flies to yours to mimic hers, trying to peer down and see what she is pointing at.

“And there. And there.” Greez pipes up, and you rub your skin a little more frantically. “And there. Oh, you missed the one there.”

Cere shoots them a look. “Behave, you two.”

Cal moves to your side, leaning to whisper in your ear, “Sorry, I should’ve warned you this morning when I got up, but you were still asleep and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Warned me about what?” You’re going to blame your sleep-addled brain because you are not getting anyone’s meaning at all.

“I--uh--I marked you up a lot last night.”

Your jaw drops when you finally understand. “Cal Kestis!” You hiss furiously, glaring at him while you try in vain to pull the collar of your shirt up to hide your skin better.

“Leave it. Everyone’s already seen it anyway.” Merrin calls from her corner of the table, an amused grin spreading across her features.

“Everyone heard it too last night.” Greez chortles, hands slapping his side in mirth. “You are a loud one,” he said, referring to you.

Now it’s the second time you’re confused this morning. “What are you talking about?”

“You were moaning very loudly last night. Impressively high-pitched too, maybe you should consider joining a choir.” The Latero laughs at his own joke rather explosively, but your brow only creases further.

“I wasn’t making noises last night. Cal gagged me.”

A shocked silence spreads over the group as everyone turns their attention from you to the redheaded Jedi trying to edge back to the hallway leading to the quarters. He stops when he notices that he’s been caught, raising his hands in the air with a guilty smile on his face, “Sorry about that?”

Greez cackles, hands slamming onto the table and nearly upsetting his cup of caf. “That was you?!”

Merrin’s laughing too, “I thought those sounds weren’t within the range of a normal human male. Congratulations on your excelling vocal chords.”

Cere’s chuckling too, “Maybe she shouldn’t be the one wearing the gag.”

Cal’s flushed bright red, and he turns and sits at the table with a defeated air. “Okay, eveyrone just get it out right now and we can move on.”

“Oh no, we are never going to move on. You sounded like that Shyyyo bird on Kashyyyk, pretty boy!”

You sit beside Cal with a modest smile, squeezing his hand. “I suppose we deserve it for ruining their sleep.”

“You’re damn right you do!”

“And now that you know, it better not happen again,” Cere interjects with a stern gaze on the both of you, causing you to shrink under the severity. “We have to get sleep if we’re to keep running missions of such a dangerous nature.” You both nod sheepishly. “But--” You look up at her slightly amused tone, “Cal you really should consider joining a nature group. I’m sure you could imitate most of the bird calls in the higher range. It’s truly a lost talent.”

Cal groans as he thunks his forehead down on the table, and you pat his hand reassuringly. If Cere has jumped on the train of ridiculing, then the subject truly will not get dropped for sometime. It may be time to consider getting Cal a gag as well if you’re going to continue.

Cal Kestis Taglist:@marvelassassin221b, @my-awakened-ghost, @katethecrazy, @gabile18

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

Unforgettable (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello, everyone!

Songs used: "Unforgettable" By Nat King Cole (1952)

Summary: Wanda is forced to delve into her past as you deal with some unexpected obstacles trying to get back to her.

“I know, she does look shocked to meet the real us, doesn’t she?” Agnes- Agatha said to her rabbit with a laugh. Wanda couldn’t help but feel frustration creep under her skin at the air of indifference Agatha was speaking in. It was clear she couldn’t trust a word that came out of the other woman’s mouth, so she decided to take matters in her own. She would just look into the other woman’s mind to get answers. The perks of having powers.

Except… Nothing.

Rather than being able to see into the other woman’s mind she was met with a wall. Even in the early stages of having her powers this had never happened and Wanda couldn’t help but feel unnerved. “Oh, that’s adorable.” Agatha laughed. “My thoughts are not available to you, toots. They never were. So, don’t wear yourself out. It’s a waste of time. We have much more… pressing matters to tend to.”

Wanda clenched her jaw, refusing to play into the game Agatha clearly wanted her to play. “Where are my children?” Her blood boiled when Agatha mockingly repeated her question back to her.

Again, Agatha laughed. “Do you have an accent or not, sweetheart? Make up your mind.”

“Where are they?” Wanda repeated, flexing her hands to manipulate her powers only to be met with the same resistance from before. Her blood ran cold. This had never happened.

A chilling smile crossed Agatha’s features. “Aww. Sweetheart. Don’t you know? Your magic is useless here. Much like yourself.” Before Wanda could even consider reacting Agatha flicked her wrist and Wanda felt her arms get pinned tightly behind her back along with her legs as she flew forward. The invisible vice like grip tightening as Agatha flexed her fingers. Wanda groaned in discomfort.

Agatha began speaking again but Wanda could barely process the words as she panted in pain. “Basic protection spells. Honestly, how dim are you?” Wanda finally allowed herself to look around the room, taking in the strange markings that littered the wall. “These are runes, Wanda. In a given space, only the witch that cast the runes can use her magic. Do you know anything?”

“Who are you?” Wanda demanded.

“Who are you?” Agatha countered. “I was so patient. Playing along with your twisted little fantasy. Waiting for you to reveal yourself.” She smirked. “I will admit, sending fake Anna and fake Pietro seemed to push your buttons. I thought Amelia- sorry, Ellie, would have sent you over the edge but you didn’t seem to care if your wife mingled with someone else. Just like I’m sure she’s doing now.”

Wanda’s jaw clenched tightly as she pulled at the invisible restraints. “Leave Y/n out of this.”

It was clear Agatha was amused by Wanda's anger. “Oh, sweetheart. How could I do that when she’s the easiest way to get to you? And Amelia was more than willing to be an active participant in all of this to get Y/n back.”

In response Wanda leveled Agatha with a hard stare, not giving her the satisfaction. “The silent treatment? Oh, well. Guess I’ll have to talk to myself.” Agatha mockingly pouted. “When I sensed such powerful spells cast all at once… I knew I had to see it for myself. Mind control is a classic… But having thousands of people under your thumb, each with their own complex stories? That’s something special, baby.”

“I spent years practicing to be able to create one believable illusion, but you, Wanda… Westview under your spell? Every little detail is in place. You’re even running illusions all the way at the edge of town! Magic on autopilot.” Agatha pushed a hand through her hair, her eyes deranged. “What’s your secret? I need you to tell me how you did this.”

Wanda’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t do anything. I’m not-” Before she could finish, Agatha flicked her hand and Wanda was sent crashing into the walls on either side of her. Grunts of pain falling from her lips before Agatha stopped her directly in front of herself once again.

“I tried to be gentle, I did. To wake you up from this stupid little fantasy you have but it’s clear you’d rather fall apart than face your issues, little witch. You left me no choice.” Agatha stepped closer to Wanda. “What was it you said to your fake brother? You felt empty. Like you were drowning. Endless nothingness… Let’s start there.”

Wanda wordlessly watched the woman pluck a hair from her hair and chant words she didn’t understand under her breath. The strand glowing purple as it floated over to the door.

“It’s been fun playing pretend, Wanda… But now it’s time to look at the real thing.” Agatha whispered menacingly. “Let’s go.”

Agatha waved her hand and Wanda went crashing to the floor. “No.” She gritted out, her eyes locked on Agatha, refusing to look at the familiar door. She knew what would await behind that door.

“Did you forget that I have your children lock in this basement? It wasn’t a request.”

Before Wanda could respond she could hear the voices of Billy and Charlie call out to her behind the door and she knew she had no other choice but to enter.

______________

As you were flying lower to the ground your eyes caught the sigh of someone waving their arms noticeably. You needed to get to Wanda though. You needed to see her. To tell her you were sorry. That you were there for her… That you loved her.

Begrudgingly you flew down, you would just check if this person was okay before getting to Wanda.

When your feet touched ground, you were practically knocked over by Ellie leaping into your arms. “Y/n! You have to help me!” She cried desperately, tears streaming rapidly down her cheeks.

The sight overwhelmed you as you tried to maintain your composure. “Ellie, what’s wrong?” You asked cautiously, placing your hands on her shoulders to hold her back.

“My names not Ellie. It’s me, Y/n. Amelia.” She grabbed your hands and tugged you forward slightly. “Wanda is trying to keep us apart.”

You stumbled back with her words, not expecting it. “No. I don’t know who you are, but I know Wanda. I know I love her and that I’ve always loved her. I’ve seen it in my mind.”

Almost immediately the tears stopped in their tracks. Ellie- Amelia stared you down. The sight sent a chill down your spine as your fingers began tingling with energy. “Oh, Y/n, sweetheart. That’s just not true.” You noticed she began playing with a small device in her hands. “Maybe you just need a little… encouragement.”

Your fingers sparked with nervous energy, as a pit began forming in your stomach. “What do you mean?”

Before she could reply, Anna and Pietro strolled up. “There’s something about music that messes with her head.” Anna said flippantly, as she picked at her nails. “Try that.”

Pietro smirked. “If that doesn’t work I can help you out with that little device you have there, hot stuff.” He added with a wink to Amelia.

Amelia tilted her head thoughtfully. “That won’t be necessary. Agatha taught me a little trick.”

With a small wave of her hand, a purple fog drifted from her fingers and disappeared into your mind.

“Hello, beautiful.” You looked up from your place on the floor of the training room, smiling slightly when you saw it was Amelia.

“Hi, doll.” You replied back, the term of endearment tasting bitter on your tongue. It felt out of place. You tried to ignore it. This was your girlfriend now after all.“Here to get schooled in some hand-to-hand combat?”

A laugh fell from her lips. “Oh, please. I could take you any day, Y/ln.”

You smirked up at her. “That’s cute that you think that. My mentor is Steve Rogers. I trained with Natasha Romanoff almost daily. Captain America and Black Widow. My skill levels are unmatched.” You said easily as you brushed imaginary dirt off your shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah. We get it. You were an Avenger. Blah, blah, blah. That’s really not as impressive as you th-” Amelia squealed slightly as you swept her legs out from under her, pining her almost immediately.

With a grin, you looked down at her. “You were saying?”

You noticed the way her gaze fell to your lips and you couldn’t help but smirk again. Before you could do anything, she flipped you over, pining your hands above your head. “I was saying, I would’ve thought Black Widow taught you better than that.”

Her grip on your wrists loosened slightly as you tugged her down. Your lips meeting in a kiss.

Blinking rapidly, you shook away the fog in your mind as you refocused on the world around you. “Do you see now?” Amelia called out to you. “It wasn’t Wanda. It was me you were with.”

All the pieces of memories you had seen the last few days flashed in your mind. The love you had for Wanda flashed in your mind. There would never be anyone else. “No, Amelia. I’m sorry, but it’s her-”

“-it’s always been her. I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything sooner, but I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” You winced at the tears that seemed to be forming in Amelia’s eyes. “I can’t love you when I have no room in my heart for someone else. Even if Wanda and I can’t be together. Even if I can’t forgive her.”

Your eyes widened at the memory that it seemed you were able to recall on your own. “I told you I was in love with Wanda. Why are you doing this?”

Amelia gritted her teeth. “Because Wanda didn’t deserve you, Y/n. I did. When Agatha approached me and told me this was a guaranteed way to win you back I knew I had to do it.”

You shook your head. “I'm never going to love you back, Amelia. I need to get to Wanda.”

“Ralph, now.” Amelia told Pietro, tossing him the small device. He caught it and sped over to you.

You felt the small prick against the back of your neck and then everything went dark.

__________________

The trauma of having to relieve losing her parents and experiencing the effects of the mind stone again weighed heavily on her. The pain was all fresh and Wanda wasn't sure she could take anymore.

Then she saw the familiar sight of elevator doors.

For a moment Wanda was sure her legs would give out underneath her. She knew that behind this door was peace. The peace she wanted her mind to remain in forever that didn't exist anymore.

The simplicity that was behind that door didn't exist anymore but it was something she longed to see.

Agatha made a quiet noise of surprise as Wanda moved forward on her own, rather than reluctantly as she had before.

The doors slid open as Wanda felt the cool breeze blow through her hair. The imagine of her younger self sat looking out at the city before her. “So, where are we now?”

“The roof of the Avengers compound.” Wanda said quietly. “It’s where Y/n and I fell in love. No matter how hard I tried to shut her out, she never gave up. Pietro was dead, and I was in a new country. I had never felt so alone… She saved me from drowning.”

Wanda’s heart thudded painfully in her chest she saw the younger version of herself open her mouth to speak. She knew what was coming next. “Y/n.”

You stepped in between Agatha and Wanda a small smile on your face as the younger version of herself never looked away from you.

Wanda’s breath hitched because looking back at it now, it was clear she had always been in love with you.

“Um, hi.” You began, bashfully rubbing the back of your neck. “I wanted fresh air and it’s such a nice day out and it looked like you could use company. I mean, not that you have to have company if you don't want it. I can go if you want or I can just sit here with you and-”

Wanda couldn’t help but laugh slightly as she interrupted you. “Y/n. You’re rambling.”

Your cheeks flushed, and the current Wanda couldn’t help but smile adoringly at the sight. Of how oblivious you both were. “Right. Sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

The young version of herself never let her eyes leave yours. A stark contrast from the girl who couldn’t even look at you for more than a minute when you first met. “You don’t?”

The redness on your cheeks darkened. “Well…” You winced. “I guess I did since I knew you’d probably be here and I just-”

“I like being around you.” Wanda whispered at the same time you said the words.

“Even if we don’t talk most of the time.” You finished shyly.

Her eyes shone slightly under the fading light. “What are your intentions now?”

You shifted slightly from foot to foot. “I think my intentions would be whatever you prefer.”

Wordlessly she pat the space next to her. You smiled as you took a seat next to her, looking out over the skyline, your shoulders brushing. “Wanda, I…” She tilted her head to look at you. “I don’t want to pretend I know exactly what you’re going through because we all fight battles that no one knows about… But if you ever need to talk or just have someone around I’m here for you. If that would give you even just a little comfort.”

Wanda’s eyes flashed with controlled annoyance. “What makes you think that talking about it would give me comfort?” You stayed quiet. “Or sitting here with you?”

Wanda flinched at the tone her past self used and watched the way you began spinning the rings on your fingers anxiously. You were nervous, she could see that now.

She wanted to yell at herself for all the time she spent pushing you away when she should have been pulling you closer.

“I just thought that-”

“The only thing that would bring me comfort is seeing him again.” Wanda cut you off sharply, her eyes shining with unshed tears and her voice thick with emotion.

Wanda could see the understanding in your eyes. You knew exactly what she was going through, and she had no idea at the time.

You nodded faintly, shifting your gaze back to the skyline. “Sorry.” You said quietly. You pulled out your phone to play music, the default to being around Wanda. A silent support.

“Never before has someone been more… Unforgettable. In every way, and forever more that’s how you’ll stay.”

The music made tears well up in Wanda’s eyes because this was the first song you had played that she had allowed herself to actually listen to. The silent messages you were sending her. The walls you were breaking without even realizing it.

“I’m sorry.” She eventually mumbled.

You turned to face her, your brows furrowed in concern. “Don’t be. It’s fine, Wanda.”

A pained smile spread across her lips. “It’s just… I’m so tired.” She inhaled sharply and the glistening in her eyes became more apparent. “It’s like this wave washing over me, again and again. It knocks me down and when I try to stand up, it just comes for me again. And I… It’s just gonna drown me.”

The defeat in her voice made your heart clench as you fought the urge to hold her, to take her hand. “It may feel like it’s all sorrow right now, but there’s more.” You said quietly. Wanda’s stared back at you with curiosity. “The pain you’re in is a telltale sign of the love you gave. Of the unwavering strength of your love… because what is grief is not love persevering?” For a moment you just stared at one another.

The abrupt sound of a loud ad startled you both as you jumped. A laugh fell from your lips because of the terrible timing. “I really should start paying for ad free. Sorry.” You smiled at her nervously.

The surprise on your face was obvious when she smiled back at you. “No, it was funny.” She replied with a chuckle.

You made a face. “It is kind of funny that an Avenger can’t afford ad free music, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.” Wanda hummed, her eyes twinkling in amusement.

The sound of her laughter faded as you both stared at one another, the intensity of emotions left unspoken making the air heavy with tension. Eventually you both turned your gaze back to the skyline, your shoulders still brushing.

A single tear fell down Wanda’s cheeks as she stepped further onto the roof, the image of you both faded away as she looked around.

“So, to recap… Parents dead, brother dead, Y/n pretty much dead.” Wanda’s face crumpled in pain as the tears fell down her cheeks more steadily. Agatha continued on. “What happened when she wasn’t there to be your life raft anymore, Wanda?”

Wanda roughly wiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“You’re right there! Tell me how you did it.” Wanda’s chest heaved with the weight of the emotions. “They tried to take Y/n, but you weren’t going to let that happen.”

Wanda’s eyes widened slightly as she thought back to the moment. “I wasn’t going to let that happen.” She repeated as she marched through the familiar door.

Anxiously she watched herself find your empty room, she watched the panic in her every move, she watched Hayward talk about you like you were nothing.

Her heart broke all over again as she watched herself hover over your practically lifeless body.

“I can’t feel you.” She whispered brokenly, the pain in her chest overcoming her. The sensation composing her entire being as everything within her collapsed. She was alone, and she knew she wouldn’t recover.

Her eyes glowed red as she waved a hand, all of the doctors in the room turning away from your body on her command. Hayward turning away as well before he could even react.

Carefully she made her way over to you and took you in her arms, her hands glowing as she carried you away through a back entrance where no one would see her leave.

Cautiously, she placed you in the passenger seat of her car and began driving. Her heart thudding heavily with each passing moment that you didn't wake up. The only thing that brought her a small semblance of comfort was the sight of your chest still weakly rising and falling with each breath.

After an hour or so of driving she pulled into an empty driveway. “This- this was supposed to be a surprise… I bought it when we were in Scotland... For when I was finally able to propose. For when we were finally able to start our lives together. Our happy ending.”

Tears began falling rapidly down her cheeks. “We were supposed to be a happy ending.” She whispered brokenly. “I just want you to be able to see it b-before you go. You deserve more than to have your last moments in that room.” Her words were shaky as if it took all she had to even get them out. Because it did.

Wanda made her way out of the car and carefully carried you out to the middle of the empty lot. “I love you, Y/n. So much.” She whispered, noticing the way your breath was becoming weaker and weaker by the minute. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Slowly she sunk to the ground, still holding you in her arms. The pain in her chest growing unbearable. She couldn’t breathe. All she felt was pain. Broken sobs fell from her lips as she watched the color steadily fade from your face. The steady thrum of your heart rate against her fingertips fading away.

With a scream of agony red burst from her chest and you began floating in the air, gently wrapped in the red. Quickly the energy expanded and expanded. The house appearing from nothing as your feet slowly touched the floor. The hospital gown that you were in moments before gone and replaced with an old-fashioned dress. Your eyes were still closed as the red energy continued to stream out of Wanda.

When the red faded away, Wanda was left breathless by the sight. All she could see was you. Her eyes watered when she met your eyes again. The eyes she had spent weeks begging to see open again.

You, standing before her with the same smile you wore the first time that you met. Your eyes looking at her with all the love you had before it all went wrong. That was all she ever wanted.

Tentatively she stepped forward, as if one wrong move would make you disappear. The outfit she was wearing transforming into an old fashioned dress as well.

The smile she gave you was loving as her eyes shone with feelings she hadn’t been able to feel in weeks. Happiness. “Wanda. Darling. I’ve missed you.” You said sincerely. “Should we stay in tonight?”

You turned on the radio before meeting her in front of the couch.

“That’s why, darling, it’s incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable too.”

As the music washed over you both, you took a seat on the couch wrapping an arm around Wanda, pulling her closer as her hand lifted to glide over your cheek. Her fingertips brushing along your jaw lovingly until they landed on the back of your neck and pulled you closer. Your lips met in a sweet kiss and Wanda happily gave herself over to the moment. To you.

Wanda watched the moment with an aching heart as the scene before her faded away. Suddenly she heard the sound of clapping in the distance. She cautiously made her way forward, squinting against the bright overhead lights.

“Bravo.” Agatha called sarcastically before snapping her fingers and disappearing into a haze of purple smoke.

Before Wanda could react, she heard the desperate cries of her children. “Mom! Mom! Help us!”

“Please! Please, help us!” Continued as she ran to the door and into the bright daylight.

Panic coursed through her veins as she ran down the street frantically trying to find the twins. Her chest tightening as her breathing became almost impossible.

A moment later she came to a stop before Agatha. The sight making her stomach turn. Agatha held the twins hostage as the purple force wrapped around their necks, preventing them from escaping. “I know what you are.” Agatha called out, but all Wanda could focus on was the pain her children were in.

Her hands began to glow as she made a weak attempt to reassure them. “It’s okay, babies. It’s okay. I’m here.”

“You have no idea how dangerous you are. You’re supposed to be a myth. A being capable of spontaneous creation and here you are… Using it to make breakfast for dinner!” Agatha’s lips curled in disgust.

The glow in Wanda’s hands intensified. “Let go of my children!”

“Oh yes, your children. And Y/n. And this whole little life you’ve made… This is Chaos Magic, Wanda… And that makes you... the Scarlet Witch.”

And we have concluded with part 8! One final part after this!

If you would like to actually read what happens in SWORD with Hayward its in part 13 of "Love Goes" which I will tag here. And a nice conversation that they had about feeling like drowning is in part 1 of "Love Goes" which I will tag here.

Ironically, I wrote that scene about drowning before episode 8 of Wandavision came out so it kind of messed with the flashback scene when I was writing it.

Anyway, that's all. As always, I hope you all enjoyed! Thoughts and comments always welcome! :)

Taglist:

@theofficialzivadavid // @tquick99 // @marrymemcgrath // @afuckingshituniverse // @pxterstrk // @aimezvousbrahms // @ensorcellme // @sapphicshots // @daisybri7

[anomander-dragnipurake]

Bowser's Castle Chapter 6: Phone Call

I've decided that before going on hiatus in September to begin focusing on Halloween stuff, I'm gonna go ahead and drop most of the backlog chapters I have written for this fic. For a number of reasons, one of them being putting this fic into a more comfortable break point (because we get there soon) before going on said hiatus. Also, no promises but there might be a Halloween appropriate interlude chapter that wouldn't fit in where we are in updates right now but would after a couple more. So expect that maybe sometime in October but for sure expect one more chapter after this one probably right before September starts and then probably nothing else until after New Year's because I just can't handle working on this and a bunch of holiday stuff at the same time. Which is what lead me to taking like a year plus to return to this fic initially, I'm gonna do my very, very best not to do that this time though.

~

The kids were curious and wanted to know everything there was to know about King Boo’s possession of Luigi and whether any of the rumors they’d heard floating around the castle concerning the situation were true or not. Most weren’t and a few had been exaggerated to quite a degree as often tended to happen with rumors. Somehow talking about it, correct the rumors, putting it into simple terms and laying it out almost like a story, helped Luigi feel slightly better. It cemented in his mind that that part of all this was done and in the past now; an event to be tell others about instead of something he was actively living through. Things weren’t entirely fixed yet but they were better.

That being the case coupled with the distraction offered by the kids’ general intensity made the conversation as a whole almost pleasant. Junior and all his siblings really weren’t so bad when they weren’t trying to be. Upon finally convincing them that the full tale was told – mostly the truth as Luigi had left out the worst parts for his sake as well as theirs – and that Luigi did really need to make an important phone call, they even not only told him exactly where to find a phone but escorted him to it.

It was just outside the main dining hall. In hindsight an obvious place for a phone meant for use by anyone in the castle. By some miracle there wasn’t much of a line for it, allowing Luigi to have it only a handful of minutes after wishing the kids farewell.

As he stepped up to it, he didn’t quite take it off its hook yet. Letting Mario and his friends know he was okay was important and something he wanted to do because they must be worried but… he was also going to have to say he didn’t want to go home yet. That he wanted to stay in Bowser’s Castle for a time until King Boo was dealt with because… he didn’t trust Mario, or Peach and her Toads, or even E. Gadd himself to protect him from King Boo’s inevitable return. That wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have but… he had to have it eventually so with a sigh he picked up the receiver.

First he dialed Mario’s home phone but got no answer. He probably wasn’t at home though so next was Mario’s cell but again, no answer. He had to try twice more before Mario finally answered with an annoyed, “What?” Even if he was annoyed and even if it hadn’t been that long ago since Mario had last spoken to him, it was still nice to hear his voice again.

“H- hey bro. It’s me, Luigi.”

“Luigi? Is that… really you? Or is this a trick? You’re really King Boo and you’re just…”

“Nope, not King Boo. I’m free of him.” For now. “And, uh, to prove it uh… hmm… I don’t think he speaks Italian, right? So here’s proof?”

A short pause on the other end before Mario burst into reply, also speaking Italian. “Luigi! It really is you! I’d give you a hug if I could. I’m so glad you’re okay. You are okay, right bro? You’re somewhere safe? I can run and jump in the car and rush over if you need me to. Just tell me where you are and I’ll be there as soon as possible, okay?”

“Uh…” This was Luigi’s chance to change his mind and escape the castle after all. Mario could come get him and take him home. … Then what? It was already proven that Luigi wouldn’t be safe from King Boo in his own home. Maybe he could live in Peach’s castle? He’d never felt fully comfortable staying there for any significant length of time though as he was seen almost exclusively as ‘Mario’s inferior brother’ by everyone there – not to mention the handful of Toads who treated him less than politely because of that. Something he’d be willing to put up with if it meant safety from King Boo but that didn’t feel very likely.

E. Gadd could maybe create something to protect the castle. But if he couldn’t contain King Boo for long, he probably couldn’t reliably keep him out either. And with his lab in shambles, he’d have trouble making much of anything for a while. Which was also why Luigi couldn’t stay with him or have him create something for Luigi’s home.

Kamek, on the other hand, had been able to contain King Boo’s magic. And Bowser had gotten him to leave. Maybe both of those things were due to King Boo underestimating them, luck, or a combination of the two but they’d still done it when the others had failed to help. Due to no fault of their own or lack of trying and Luigi would never...

“You okay?” The worry in Mario’s voice was disconcerting. Rarely was he ever that worried about anything.

“Yeah, I’m… okay. I’m safe. You don’t need to come get me.”

“Good, good. That’s good.” Obviously Luigi couldn’t see it but he was sure Mario was nodding as he spoke. “Glad to hear it. Now uh… how’d you do it? How’d you beat King Boo this time? I wanna hear the whole tale.”

Luigi squirmed, clutching the phone a bit tighter. Mario wasn’t going to like this explanation but well… “I didn’t...”

“Wait, before you answer…” Mario’s voice moved away from the phone as he spoke to someone else in the room with him. “Yeah, it’s Luigi. He says he’s okay.”

The reply sounded like Peach and probably was. Her exact words were indecipherable but her tone was pleased.

“Yeah, he beat King Boo again.” Mario actually sounded proud of Luigi.

A few more indistinct voices chimed in, indicating that Mario was even less alone than Luigi had hoped he’d be for where this conversation was going. Unfortunate but unsurprising; when not at home, Mario was most often with other people.

“All right, Luigi,” Mario continued, speaking into the phone properly again, “I’m going to put you on speaker phone. Peach wants to talk to you.”

Oh no, that was even worse. Before Luigi could even try to start voice an objection though…

“Luigi! It’s so good to hear from you,” Peach said, her voice much clearer now. “I’m glad to know you’re all right.”

“You really gave us quite the fright there,” Toadsworth added in that almost lecturing tone of his that meant he’d been worried. “We were really scrambling on trying to figure out where that dastardly King Boo might’ve run off with you to.”

“I knew you’d beat him again,” Mario said. “Not that I wasn’t worried. But I knew you was strong enough to overcome him. I didn’t doubt it for a moment.” A lie no doubt, he of all people knew Luigi wasn’t strong by any metric.

“It wasn’t me,” Luigi said before anyone else could chime and possibly agree with that idea. “I… didn’t beat him. Someone saved me. Two someones actually.”

There was a short pause before Peach replied with, “Oh! Who might they be? You being a close personal friend of the crown means we must thank them properly for helping you. I’ll send a limo to pick you and them up, bring you back to the castle for a celebration. I’ll bake some cake and we’ll have a grand time.”

“It was… it was… Bowser and Kamek. And uh, I’m still at their castle and I intend to stay here because when they beat King Boo they couldn’t capture him and he left, saying he was going to come back and that this wasn’t over. So I think this is probably the safest place for me right now. Kamek managed to seal his magic and Bowser got him to leave. And uh… they’re fine with me staying and even said I’d be safe if King Boo tried to come back to get me.” No need to add that he was now Bowser’s minion and maybe some kind of family member. “So… so, no need for a limo or a party or anything else. I’m staying for a little while until it’s safe to go back home. Sorry.” Luigi almost slammed the phone back into its cradle but stopped himself, clutching it tight in his hand instead.

“You can’t be serious?” Mario of course sounded confused and… maybe a little mad? “Bowser? Why would he of all people save you? And how?”

“Uh… remember the whole Cackletta, thing? Apparently, that affected him enough that he now has a thing about possession so he got mad at King Boo about it. And uh…” No need to mention the whole thing with the shackles and iron cage, “he broke the crown, King Boo’s crown, after Kamek used magic to suppress his magic.”

“It’s still Bowser though. Even if he did save you its not safe for you there. You can stay in Peach’s Castle if you don’t feel safe at home right now. E. Gadd will build something to keep you safe.”

“No offense to E. Gadd but King Boo has escaped from him every time he had him. So I don’t exactly trust him to be able to keep King Boo out of his lab or Peach’s castle.”

“That’s fair,” came E. Gadd’s voice out of nowhere. If Luigi had known E. Gadd was there too, he’d have tried to word it better. Too late now though as E. Gadd continued on, seemingly unfazed. “It’s difficult to keep someone like King Boo contained for long.” He sounded as if some of those times King Boo had gotten free weren’t at least partially his fault, typical. “I would say you probably are safest there, sonny. Especially since you said Kamek can seal King Boo’s powers, right? I’m gonna have call him later and ask him about that.”

“Who’s going to keep him safe from Bowser though?” Now Mario was for sure a little mad. Mad at Luigi though or just the situation?

“I don’t think that’s an issue. He seems like he has no interest in hurting me.” Of course Luigi couldn’t know for sure but that risk was far less scary than the threat King Boo for sure posed. “I will of course, uh, remain wary.” Over the phone probably wasn’t a good time to talk about his thoughts involving possibly spying while he was here in case the phone was tapped or something “I think, if he does try anything I can protect myself from him.” And Mario couldn’t argue with that, right? Luigi had proven himself capable of at least that much on several occasions.

“Luigi,” Peach said, her tone firm, indicating she was displeased. “I trust your judgment, especially given what I know about Bower and the people who reside in his castle but I feel this is unnecessary. You’ve beat King Boo three times before and now you know to expect him and what he might try to do. So I’m sure if he comes back and tries to possess you again, you’ll be able to best him again. If you want to stay with me for a while, I’ll tell my Toads to be on the look out for him or any other ghostly activity. And of course E. Gadd will build you something to help too. There’s no need to live in fear, cowering in Bowser’s castle, okay?”

A convincing argument that probably would’ve persuaded him if he’d heard it earlier. But he’d already had reassurance from both Bowser and Junior that he was safe here. It wasn’t guaranteed, King Boo was powerful and driven hard by vengeance, but based off his experience he had a better chance here than at Peach’s castle. So here he was staying. “Sorry, I’m a coward. I don’t want to risk it when he’s still out there.”

“So you’re planning on staying there forever?” Mario again.

“No. Just until something is done about King Boo.”

“Like what?”

“I… I don’t know. Just something. … I mean, Kamek could probably do something, right? His magic contained King Boo’s before so… maybe he can do it again and take care of King Boo more permanently.”

“Now that you mention it,” unlike the others, E. Gadd didn’t sound the least bit upset or even aware of the current tension, “I should’ve called Kamek up for help holding King Boo ages ago. He’s good at dealing with all things magical and whatnot.”

“How do you even know Kamek?” Toadsworth asked with a frown in his voice.

“Oh, we go way back. Went to college together, the two youngest there at the time. If you can believe either of us were ever young.” E. Gadd chuckled. “But don’t worry Luigi, my boy, Kamek will keep you safe, especially once I get there to help out. And I’ll bring along Polterpup and Gooigi so you won’t be without friends. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“See, guys? I’ll be fine. It’ll only be for a little while.”

“Well okay then. If you’re sure.” Peach’s tone was cold but at least she was giving in.

Mario on the other hand let out a loud huff that then turned into a heavy resigned sigh. “Fine. I’m just glad you’re safe. Please try to stay safe too, all right?”

“That’s what I intend to do. I should um, probably go now though. I don’t want to hog the phone for too long. I’ll call you later, like tomorrow sometime? Around the same time, maybe earlier.”

“Yeah. Sounds good. Hear from you then.”

With that, Luigi hung up and stepped back from the phone. That… hadn’t gone as bad as he’d feared. Not good by any means but far better than it could’ve gone. He was still shaking from it though. Part of that was likely just general exhaustion again but certainly the stress hadn’t helped. He really needed to go lie down for a bit. And then, the kids had told him dinner was held in the dining hall in like… two hours according to the clock on the wall above the phone. Yeah, a quick nap and then food seemed like a good idea.

[grimmradiance]

Sunlight/White Light: Thoughts on the "TPK is artificial light" theory

Hey, you know that theory that's floating around that the Pale King represents artificial light? (if someone has that thread please link me I've lost it) Of course, I love it on the immediate merits of artificial/natural symbolism, but it scans even better if you know about the physical properties of light and neuroscience. Let me geek out about how light changes the way your body works, and how this most definitely helps TPK seize control over the Radiance:

[Image descriptions: two screenshots from Hollow Knight. The first is of the Radiance in her Dream; her glow, and the world around her, are largely tinted in orange and gold. The second is of the closing cutscene of the Path of Pain, showcasing the Pale King and the light of his palace, which is pure white. End descriptions.]

The fact that the Radiance is yellow-orange is most definitely not a coincidence. The sun itself emits frequencies of light from infrared to ultraviolet, which means it also emits every frequency of visible light, from the reds to the violets. Not in equal measures, though! The sun's electromagnetic output looks something like this:

[Image description: a graph charting the sun's output in terms of Solar Irradiance against Wavelength. It indicates that the sun outputs a variety of wavelengths, with the largest amount in the "green" medium-length wavelengths of visible light. End description.]

You might look at this and wonder--if sunlight is more green than anything else, why do people say the sun is yellow? To make a long scientific story short, shorter wavelengths of light scatter in the atmosphere, which is both why the sky looks blue during the day and why the sun tends to look yellower than the light it actually puts out.

Artificial lights, on the other hand, often have a narrow band of wavelengths they put out:

[Image description: another chart of light output. The sun spectrum from before is plotted on a yellow line. Alongside it is a standard filament lightbulb (a red line), which has similar proportions of light but shifted more towards red. There's also a line for a fluorescent lightbulb in green and an LED in blue--both have several "peaks" in both reds and blue-greens, and have almost no infrared or ultraviolet light. End description.]

Note the blue and green lines--blue represents an LED, and green is a fluorescent light. Instead of an even curve of wavelengths, they have certain targeted frequencies that are far more common (which is why you might look washed-out under a fluorescent light--way less red!)

What does this have to do with the higher beings? The kind of light you're exposed to actually affects the way your body and mind function! There's a lot of ways this happens, but today I'm focusing on the action of the pigment melanopsin. In humans, it's found in ipRGC cells of the eye, which are clustered alongside rods and cones. Eye receptors (rods, cones, and ipRGCs) all contain pigments that break down when exposed to light; when they break down, that nerve cell fires. However, they each react differently to different kinds of light--cones have three kinds of pigments that respond to short, medium, and long (blue, green, and red) light wavelengths, rods take far less light to respond than cones (so they work in dim light), and ipRGCs and melanopsin react to long/blue light. What this means is that cells with melanopsin are far more sensitive in response to blue light, compared to other colors.

In humans, melanopsin triggers the suprachiasmic nucleus of the hypothalamus (just above the place where your optic nerves cross in your brain, in your midbrain where sensory information is relayed throughout the nervous system). This nucleus is absolutely vital in keeping the body on a schedule--your circadian rhythm, which coordinates hormones, organs, and cognitive processes around a 24-hour schedule. By itself, the suprachiasmic nucleus can keep a rhythm without any outside input, but information from sources like melanopsin-containing neurons helps to adjust this rhythm to things like changing seasons and social input.

Have you ever heard "don't use your phone at night?" This is why. Light that's especially bright or especially blue, like what you see in the sky during the day, or artificial lights, suggests to the suprachiasmic nucleus that it's currently daytime. Red-shifted, dimmer light suggests nighttime. Ergo, this is another example of "things that worked fine until technology started going really fast."

What does this mean for Hallownest? Well, one of two things. Depending on where in Hallownest you are, either the brightest light you'll ever see is the Pale King, white light extraordinaire, or you're surrounded by it, like in the palace. So either you have, on a neurochemical level, a king who lights you up when he comes around, or you're literally bathing in it non-stop.

So what does this look like? Sudden exposure to bright white light looks like the body's rhythm being thrown off, causing cognitive difficulties and fatigue. Constant exposure to white lights outside of expected times brings with it depression and the risks of allostatic load--the body kicks off the day with a burst of cortisol, to get the energy to get going; constant activation of cortisol taxes the body and contributes to chronic disease.

But most of all, artificial white lights encourage you not to sleep.