#i don't even see him like that but i'll support him blindly

[murkybu]

spreading the etho propaganda

[lunarfleur]

Sure! I don't mind requesting something new! So you write somewhere in your works how Miles 42 and reader met through location, "whether it be going to the same school or living in the same building or whatever"

I wanna' see a fanfic in Miles pov how he and reader met and how their relationship developed throughout the process! I wanna' know if he's going to make a move in interacting with reader or such. :))

Mr. Tambourine Man ~ Earth 42! Miles Morales

A/N: Many people will tell you this song is about a drug dealer. I, however, have always taken Mr. Tambourine Man as an analogy for youth. Take this as you will.

Tagging: @juneberrie @sluggmuffin @hiyaitssans @nagi3seastorm @luvjunie @milesmolasses @n1cole-ghost @kombuuuu

This is x fem! Reader

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to

Growing up, Miles had always been the dull kid in the corner of the classroom. It was his nature.

He didn’t really remember his dad’s death, but there was always a sort of emptiness in the Morales apartment that never got filled. The emptiness has always been there, in his home and in his mother.

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me

In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you

On the late nights, he hears his mother sitting in the living room all by herself lonesome. She sits on the couch, in the same spot she has been all these years; next to the spot his father would have taken up.

He can imagine it: his mother curled up under a blanket, her husband’s arm resting over her shoulders. He’d kiss her head and the spot behind her ear. She’d pretend to pay no mind and act as if he doesn’t still make her giddy like he did back when they were young.

Though I know that evening's empire has returned into sand, vanished from my hand.

Left me blindly here to stand, but still not sleeping.

But his father was not there. The late Jeff Morales did not get to stay up with his wife, watching the television as their child sleeps. He was dead, but it sometimes felt like his ghost was haunting the city. He’s gone, but it’s like he’s still there.

As he grew up, Miles did not get the joy his classmates did. He watched his mother work like a dog to support the two of them. He spent many nights alone, waiting for her to come home.

It was sad. Miles was sad.

My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet.

I have no one to meet, and the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.

So here he sits, in the corner of his studio art class, his last period of the day. Miles is behind an easel, dried paint covering his hands and table. There was music playing in his headphones, but he wasn’t really listening. It was to block out the other noises.

The door opens, and in walks a girl he’s never seen. It was an odd feeling, at first, a shred of nervousness he didn’t quite understand.

He looked around the room, at all the other students and seats, only to realize the one next to him was the only one open. Perfect.

She talks to the teacher, nothing he can hear, snd watches as she slowly makes her way over to the spot next to him. Miles turns away, picking up his paint brush to avoid and other contact.

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you.

Unfortunately for him, Miles looks unapproachable. He looks like he should be friendly and open. He’s got those big, brown, shiny doe eyes and dimples. His face is dusted with freckles. His lips are big and plush. His nose sits perfectly in the center of his face, blending together nicely with every other feature.

However, people avoid him. He’s quiet and keeps to himself. Miles is sort of a mystery, someone people don’t know much about. He’s got eye bags and an RBF, so people leave him alone. Sometimes it seems as if he’s invisible.

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirling ship.

My senses have been stripped.

The girl sits down, taking out her supplies as she was most likely directed. Tense hands moved shakily. Her breaths were harsh. Her eyebrows furrowed tightly against her forehead. She was nervous.

With a skip of his heart, Miles clears his throat. Her head snaps over quickly, eyes wide with anxiety as he stared her down.

My hands can't feel to grip.

My toes too numb to step.

“Uh..I’m Miles.”

She hesitates, biting the inside of her cheek before nodding.

“Y/N.”

Miles doesn’t look away. Y/N peeks over at his canvas. Her lips curve down into a smile, any trace of her previous fear gone. Her lips pressed together tightly, eyebrows raising. No tension, no anxiety.

“You’re really talented.”

“…Thanks.”

Her smile did not falter. She looked at him for a moment, and that one moment felt like an eternity.

Her nose, cheeks, and lips were a blend of heaven sitting on her face. Her hair was smooth and clean. Miles swore her eyes looked like stars.

Y/N was definitely beautiful.

Wait only for my boot heels to be wandering.

I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade into my own parade.

Cast your dancing spell my way, I promise to go under it.

“What, uh,” Miles spoke again, “what class was you coming from?”

He watched as Y/N fumbled with her schedule, a blue piece of paper crumpling in her hands.

“I have Spanish II, but I was in the office.”

Miles nodded, a small simper forming across his lips.

“I’m in there, too.”

Y/N grinned at him, eyes squinting slightly. It was almost bright.

Though you might hear laughing, spinning, swinging madly across the sun, it's not aimed at anyone.

It's just escaping on the run.

“I’ll walk with you, tomorrow?”

It came out as a question, and Miles would be lying if he said that didn’t surprise him. There was a fuzzy, warm feeling in his stomach that, for a second, made him question if he was getting sick.

Y/N chuckled, a simple melody that sent flowers blooming across his skin. It felt like goosebumps, but much more intense. The sensation matched that of bathing in the sun.

“I’d like that.”

And but for the sky there are no fences facing.

And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme to your tambourine in time

Y/N glanced over to a small group of kids sitting diagonally from them. They were watching intently, eyes wide with curiosity. As quickly as it came, Miles’s almost cheerful expression fell back into place. The corners of his lips dropped, so did his eyebrows. In less than a moment, he was tense once more.

It's just a ragged clown behind.

I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're seeing that he's chasing.

They turned away awkwardly, returning to their projects. Y/N sucked in a breath. There was tension within her chest. It was a sudden, sharp sensation in his fingertips.

“So did you just move here?”

Y/N smiled, nodding.

“Yeah, from New Jersey.”

Miles nodded along intently.

“How come?”

“Family.”

Questions and answers came as the two packed up their things.

And take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time

The loud and obnoxious bell rang, and every other student in the class shoved past one another to get out of the room.

Far past the frozen leaves, the haunted frightened trees.

They walked down the hallways together slowly. For the first time, he felt as if he could ask questions. For the first time, someone answered. She answered.

Out to the windy beach, far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.

“So, what’s Jersey like?”

“Well, it’s fun. The food is great.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Miles snickered.

Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky, with one hand waving free.

“Do you like New York?”

“I’m…adjusting.”

“Adjusting?”

“It’s easy to get lost, here.”

Smiling shyly, Y/N pressed her lips together firmly. Miles could almost feel the heat of embarrassment coming from off her face.

“You just need someone to show you around. It gets easy, after all while.”

Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands.

“What’s there to show?”

Miles smiled, looking at the girl next to him as they stepped down the front steps of Visions Academy.

“The sky.”

There was a sudden melancholy feeling that ran down Miles’s spine. It was the same feeling he’d felt on those late nights, waiting for his mother to come home.

Miles did not remember his dad’s death. He didn’t remember the funeral. He just remembered the day the apartment felt less like home.

With all memory and fate, driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.

“It’s the same sky as the one in New Jersey.”

“Different view.”

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

“You’ll show me?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll show you.”

I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.

“Good.”

“I’ll show you my mural, too.”

“Mural?”

“For my dad.”

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.

Miles nodded, smiling. She nodded back, humming in reply.

Miles had always been so much like his father. The same smile, the same attitude, the same wit.

Y/N looked at Miles curiously, and Miles became painfully aware of that fact. Birds sung in his lungs and trees grew in his mind. Fresh air.

“Let’s go, Miles. I’m expecting a tour.”

In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you.

[nymphie66]

God Bless America pt 3

Part One

Part Two

Description: Things are back on track between you and Ben, and you've found a sort of peace. Vought is determined to ruin that.

Author's note: This hyperfixation is really serving. This may be the last part of this mini-fic, as I've literally just been writing things as they've entered my mind and they just happen to be cohesive. But who knows! Uni starts up again imminently, hopefully I'll catch a break. Feel free to send in prompts or scenarios and I could probably bang something drabbley out. Also, thank you everyone for your support, I love each and every one of you motherfuckers.

Warnings: gore, darkfic -kinda, this came out slightly fluffy (don't know what happened there lol), mentions of pregnancy, mentions of sex, swearing, implied forced testing, cringey language

S/N : Supe Name

Suit: random office worker that I didn't bless with a name or description

---

You span in your desk chair in absolute boredom, hands on your swollen belly, the only modicum of joy you got was from the movements of your darling baby, only four more months to go now.

Which is why you were sat in said desk chair, in a Vought meeting room with a bunch of suits from HR and legal, negotiating over your maternity leave and, much to his horror, Ben's paternity leave.

He couldn't understand why he would have to take time off as well. As he put it "My part is done, I got my soldiers to your base, your turn to lead the charge." After saying such a thing he promptly had the nearest object in your vicinity thrown at him.

You tried to explain to him, that you would need help as the pregnancy progressed, that there could be complications leaving you bed-bound till it was time to push the little one out into the world, that you could even be hospitalised. You expected him to put his fingers in his ear and start singing the national anthem at you, desperate to drown you out, but what happened instead shocked you.

He stilled, and you could see the thoughts churning in his head, and gradually his brow furrowed and he turned away from you. You walked towards him, arms encircling his waist, face pressed against his back, the texture of his soft cotton jersey brushing against your cheek. You knew exactly what he was doing.

Ben cleared his throat and took a sharp inhale of breath. He couldn't show weakness in front of you, especially not now. It wasn't the manly- let alone fatherly- thing to do. But he felt that resolve weaken by the way you held him so tenderly, leaned into his back so softly. It reminded him of the earlier days in your relationship, when you trusted him so blindly, believed in him so faithfully.

He'd get home from work, usually in a pissy mood, ranting and raving about whatever fuckery his team had put him through. And you would be there, smile on your lips, eyes filled with joy just at the sight of him. You'd listen, never probe but when he was just winding himself up, you would circle your arms around his waist and press your face into his back, leaning on him for support. The action was simple but made him feel like he was your whole world, that he was all you needed, that he was enough.

Things were better now. Ben had followed your instruction to the morbid T, and in turn, you allowed his presence, tolerated it even, though you soon fell back into the trap of loving him wholeheartedly again. The way he doted on you, adored you, the way you were 'his girl' again.

It didn't mean that things were perfect - far from it. You still had the occasional shouting match that led to the replacement of many crushed/shattered mobile phones, and though you wouldn't admit it, your attachment to Ben had become positively possessive. If his gaze strayed from you for more than a minute, you could feel yourself freeze up, a blend of uncouth rage and desperation flooding you that was only sated when he looked back at you again. You were needy, and it was pathetic- to you, not to him, he found it hot as fuck and told you so.

Ben would press a hand to your lower back, hover smugly above your ear and whisper assurances to you, though they were less than PG. Often involving a detailed description of him fucking you in front of whoever you were jealous of. You blamed the pregnancy hormones, but every time he did it you wanted him to make good on his promises and you quickly escorted him to a (mostly) private section of wherever you were.

In fact, as you sat there, listening to the drone of legal and HR, you realised that you had been in this meeting room before. Though you could hardly blame yourself, you didn't really take in decor when you bent over the conference table, getting your brains fucked out. You cursed yourself for not making Ben read that pregnancy book earlier, ever since he found out making you cum was good for the baby, the man was on a mission - not that he wasn't before, but there was definitely an added level of determination that you appreciated.

"So it's agreed? S/N will start her maternity leave now and once she reaches her third trimester Soldier Boy will start his paternity leave." Your Vought legal representative consolidated. You tuned back into the conversation, hopeful that this meeting was finally coming to an end.

"Agreed, we have already arranged for the samples to be taken in the next half-hour if S/N is ready?" The other suit asked, casting you an expectant look. You froze, your hand gripping your bump and leaned forward, a panicked look directed to your rep, but before you could continue the suit continued. "May I remind S/N that it is in her signed contract that sample matter from a resulting pregnancy is legally Vought's to take. This includes amniotic fluid, blood and foetus tissue sample."

You felt your stomach lurch and you swallowed thickly, you didn't argue that it wasn't in your contract, it was exactly the type of sick and twisted clause Vought would stick in there.

"S/N?" Your legal rep asked, seemingly completely unbothered by what was going on. You didn't question if it was safe, nothing that Vought did was ever safe.

You surveyed the room, there was about eight people there, none of them particularly intimidating but that's not what you were worried about. They would have known you were going to show resistance and you now realised that the abundance of office workers was to merely lull you into a false sense of security. This meant one of three things. 1) There was a supe nearby ready to make you comply 2) One if not all of them had tranquillisers on them 3) all of the above.

Knowing Vought it was probably number three.

You could try and do a runner but you would get caught, you could try and fight them but that meant risking the baby. Whatever supe was going to show up would hardly care about your condition and who the fuck knew what Vought put in those tranquillisers.

Your eyes looked around the room, pretending to think about if you had any scheduled plans after this meeting. Your eyes settled on a wonky painting that had been hastily put back up- in fact, you had put that back up after it fell during your 'de-stressing session' with Ben.

Ben.

"Yes, I think that should be just fine." You smiled sweetly at them, "You wouldn't mind me calling my fiancé Be- Soldier Boy to let him know, would you? He likes to be included in anything related to the baby. Plus he would love to know that our little creation is helping advance the research at Vought. Anything for his country- you know him!"

You laughed and waved your hand, praying that they were convinced by your little show. They didn't know him, but it flew that Soldier Boy, the living and breathing embodiment of the good ol' red white and blue, would be behind such a thing. It was for his country after all.

"Great, that's just great. I'll call him now." You took the general shrugging from them as a go-ahead and quickly called Ben, mouthing 'busy man' to them with a big smile as it continued to ring, you were half afraid that he wasn't going to pick up until you heard his gruff voice on the end of the line.

"What baby? Can't even go to a meeting without-"

"-Ben, honey!" You smiled tensely as you cut him off his surely sordid sentence, and prayed that he could pick up on your forced cheeriness, from experience he should. Considering you only spoke in that tone to him when you were threatening to get rid of his baby or extreme violence. "I just wanted to let you know that Vought are going to collect some samples of our little star-spangled bugaboo. Amniotic fluid, blood, a bit of tissue matter, nothing our little super trooper can't handle, especially considering her old daddio! I was just hoping you would be able to join your darling doll at the doctor's, honeybuns."

You wanted to pull your own tongue out of your mouth, stuff it down your throat and throw it back up again.

"I will be right there."

And just like that the line dropped, you smiled, taking the phone away from your ear and holding it to your chest. You gave a thumbs up and chuckled nervously, "He's on his way!" You sat back down into your chair and exhaled, muttering the phrase to yourself again. "He's on his way.."

The time it took for Ben to get there was filled with awkward silence, interrupted only by the odd question from a curious suit about your pregnancy and the baby. Which was met with a vague and elusive answer. There was no way in hell you were going to give them any more information about it than what they already had.

Then finally, Ben appeared, bursting into the conference room decked out in his suit, hair dishevelled, panting ever so slightly, knuckles bruised. So you were right, there had been a supe nearby. He looked at you with a loving urgency and you stood up, one hand on your stomach as you nodded your head. You were okay, the both of you were, but more importantly, you were ready.

Ben landed the first hit and the HR manager's head rolled down the conference table like a bloody bowling ball. You struck next, your unhelpful rep ended up being useful for the first time in their life by acting as a human shield as you burst through their chest and clawed out the Head of Legal's throat. The others got out their tranqs - right again, but you unsheathed your forearm from your rep's chest and threw their body onto them, knocking them off their feet.

"Glad you got the message." You told him in relief as you crushed an approaching man's skull in your hand, blood decorating your face like gruesome confetti from a piñata. You quickly dropped him and continued walking towards your saviour.

"Well at first I thought you were trying something new-" Ben kicked another suit's chest in, smiling as he fell to the floor, there weren't many left now. "-but by daddio, I started to realise that something was wrong, darling doll and honeybuns was then just obvious"

"Oh so star-spangled-bugaboo and super trooper were fine, but you drew the line at daddio?" You laughed, hands on your hips as he finished the rest off. Happy that the threats had now been eliminated, Ben allowed himself to relax- slightly and turned to look at you.

You looked ravishing.

His little psycho.

Your hair was wild, no longer in the neat ponytail you had agonised over this morning. The blood that drenched your clothes hung to your curves perfectly, showed off your baby bump beautifully. The look light and love in your eyes? Intoxicating.

He quickly strove over and placed a firm hand on the back of your neck and pulled you closer to him. How could he have ever taken this- you- for granted. He would damn himself a hundred times and a hundred times more for it. You squeaked at the force behind his kiss but happily melted into it and for a brief moment you thought you were going to have reenact the last time the two of you had been there. If you ignored the background last time, you could ignore the blood, guts and gore that made it up now.

Unfortunately, Ben pulled away, pressing his forehead against your own. You whined and he smirked. "Sorry baby, but Butcher's waiting outside in the car, gotta get you and bugaboo out of here."

"That's not sticking!"

"It so is."

[absurdthirst]

How do you think Joel would react finding out that you’re pregnant and he’s the father (after losing Sarah)?

Soooooo I'm actually writing a story with @wardenparker right now where you had a night with Joel outside the walls and over year later he finds out he has a baby girl.

Joel's reaction below the cut.

"That's fair." But it still makes you blow out a slow, anxious breath and look down at your hands in your lap instead of even trying to look him in the eye. "It's just...if either of you has an issue with being around a baby...I'll find you somewhere else to sleep."

A baby?" Joel's eyes widen in surprise and he frowns. "You found a baby out here?"

"Not quite." Found isn't really the word you would use. "I..." Your fingernails bite into your palms, nerves making you close in on yourself. With no idea how Joel will react, you just dive in head first. "She's seven months old. A-and her name is Caroline."

It doesn't take long for Joel to put the pieces together. You look like you're about to shit a brick and twisting your hands together nervously. Seven months old plus the eight months carrying her. Puts her conception right at the time where he had been outside the walls and met up with you for one night. Joel's chair scrapes the floor as he pushes it back abruptly and turns to stalk out of the room, needing fresh air before he passes out.

"Oh fuck," Ellie murmurs, eyes going wide as she looks between you. Whatever gossip she thought she was going to get, this is way better.

"It's not like I could just call you." Immediately ready to defend yourself, you're also ready to collapse inwardly from the anger and hurt on his face. "Show up to a FERPA QZ unauthorized and they hang you, so it's not like I could go to Boston, either." Calling the baby Caroline had been your nod to the city where her father supposedly lived, and she's had Sweet Caroline sung to her as a lullaby every night of her very short life.

Your words stop him from leaving, his back turned to you and he tries to breath but all he can see Sarah's lifeless eyes, unable to protect her. "I-I need- to go-out-outside." Joel chokes, out, stumbling for the door.

"Joel!" Turning to follow him right away, you pause only for a second to point a finger at the girl. "Stay here," you tell her firmly before going after the man who has no idea how to navigate the colony he's about to be ambling around blindly.

Joel hits the door, stumbling into the colder night air, stumbling off to the side and bends over as he tries to suck in lungfuls of air and put his head between his knees at the same time. Blind panic taking over as all he can hear is the rapid, panicked breaths of his dying daughter's last breaths, not realizing it's actually his own breathing.

"Joel." Shooting after him, you find him hyperventilating against a tree in the courtyard beyond the gate. This isn't the first time you've ever seen somebody have a panic attack - it's a regular occurrence to a certain extent - but since it's the first time you've ever had to tell a man that you gave birth to his child, you're a little shaken. "Joel, you gotta breathe, okay?" You kneel down beside him and gently put your hands on his shoulders, trying to figure out if touching him will be soothing or just spook him more. "Deep breaths. Long, steady exhales."

"I c-can't - you- you- ba-bab-baby" Joel closes his eyes and stops breathing at one point before he starts to drop down to his knees in the dirt. Inhaling roughly and sounding like a man starved of oxygen finally getting a breath. Trying not to pass out from the rush of oxygen to his brain and he clenches his fists on his thighs.

"I don't want anything from you." What the hell could you even ask for? Child support? That's fucking laughable in the world you live in now. Dropping to your knees in the dirt next to him, one hand is one his back but you're trying to search his face for some kind of reaction beyond panic. "Caroline and I are as good as anybody can be with the way the world is, okay? You just concentrate on deep, looong breaths."

"I don't- I can't-" Joel chokes out a sob and his hand wraps around his watch. The last thing that he has from his daughter. "Sarah." He manages, trying to steady his breathing.

"Sarah doesn't need to know." Finding out he does have someone waiting for him is a disappointing twist to your gut, but you can't be focusing on yourself right now.

He shakes his head, shoulders slumping down and he takes a moment before he manages to take an even steady breath. "Not-" He stops himself and reaches for your hand. "She's okay?" He asks. "You're okay?"

"Yeah." You nod and squeeze his hand, wondering what the hell is going through his mind. "Yeah, Joel. We're okay. One of my friends is watching her while I'm on night shift, but we're good. She's...she's my angel."

Joel closes his eyes and absorbs the news that once again - twenty years later - he's a father. He nods, squeezing your hand back before he opens his eyes, more in control of himself than he had been minutes before. "Okay." He rasps out.

[pinkcherryblossomphonecase]

A Dumb Doll After All

(TW: Angst material includes suicidal thoughts. DO NOT READ, IF NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SUCH TOPICS!!!)

Sorry, peeps, for this once again: @tatsuhikoshibusawa @oscarsgallery @soonyouwillgo @city-of-c0rpses @tired-sayaka-ada @respiratory-kristem @skycasino-manager

I never thought I was stoop this low. Yet here I am. Standing by the railing of a busy bridge. The water is far down below from here I stand. It looks inviting, sparkling in the moonlight. Telling me to join it despite not knowing how to swim.

It would be nice to stand on the railing. Just to see what happens. Perhaps no one will stop me. Perhaps I can join the water and it's never ending depths.

Why am I even here again? What even is the point of this life anyways? After all, all I do is constantly make mistake after mistake. No one would want me around for that.

I can't even tell what's real to me anymore. Who's lying, who isn't. Who to trust and believe. It's all so confusing and it feels like I'm forced to pick a side all for what?! For some stupid argument that I wasn't apart of to begin with?!

I lost probably one of my few friends gone forever because I chose wrong. Now he hates me, and so does everyone else who he has told about me. No apology would fix this now.

He's so lucky. He has a lovely supporting family and group of friends to comfort him. Yet I'm practically left with no one. Sure I may have master, but everyone else I'm not so sure. They're all either acquaintances or a friend of master.

There is no family for me. Nor is there friends for me either. Just me left with my thoughts, back into this delusional head space that I find comfort in. But who can blame them for avoiding me?

After all I'm just some dumb doll who will blindly listen to others within second thought. Something to play with but you don't call it a friend. Who would even befriend a doll? It's just a object.

I guess that's what I am this entire time. Some little object that people will turn a blind eye to. Even if it disappeared forever.

If that's what I am then I don't want to continue living like this. Everything now wouldn't matter because I'll just be replaced by a real human. One that can actually think for themselves and do something good for once. One who would make them smile and create fond memories to look back on.

I don't want to be this object anymore. This isn't the freedom I wanted. Why can they have it but not I? What did I do to deserve this unfair suffering?! Tell me why! TELL ME! SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!

The water looks extra pretty tonight. Maybe I should have a dip in it. Perhaps it will comfort me if I sank.

Just sink and drown. Go ahead and jump. In a blink of an eye, I will be gone. They won't remember about me anyway. They won't notice if I disappeared for good. Just one foot on the railing.....

Snap out of it Cooper! What am I doing?! I can't do this. I promised to Yoko I would return, I can't fail on a child's promise. What sort of human am I if I can't even keep up a little promise?! WHAT AM I DOING ANYMORE?!

WHAT AM I DOING?! WHAT IS MY LIFE AT THIS POINT?! IS THERE ANYONE THERE?! IS THERE ANYONE TO HEAR MY CRIES?! AM I TRULY ALONE?! PLEASE LET THERE BE SOMEONE! ANYONE! PLEASE I NEED ANYONE! I NEED HELP!!! PLEASE DON'T IGNORE ME!!!

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Please........I'm scared.......

[tillthelandslide]

Insufferable Arsehole Part 8: When We Are Together - Matty Healy Series

A/N: sooo you may have seen my poll, you may not have, but I've come to the decision to post what I have written for this series and then take a little break from it... I love this series but recently have been feeling a bit stuck with it, I have so many ideas but I'm sure where they fit and whether there even is an end to this story. My goal is to eventually finish it so don't worry! I hope you guys are okay with that. The support has been amazing so thank you all so much.

In other news (for my Ross girlies) I will be posting the first chapter to my new series, entitled Pressure, very soon!

Warnings: bit long, probably spelling mistakes

Series Masterlist

Part 7

Lou's phone ringing on her bedside table is what stirs her from her peaceful slumber. The dozing man next to her awakens with a groan as she awkwardly untangles her limbs from him, apologising for the loud interference as she removes herself from the bed. His soft features find hers and he smiles before his eyes are drifting shut once more. She quickly throws on his shirt which rests on the ground amongst the rest of their clothes.

She stubs her toe on the bedside table as she grabs her phone, the name "Rose" lights up her screen, a picture of her and the drummer of her band can be seen.

"Fuck" she says attempting to shake of the pain, Matty mumbles a "you alright love?" His face now buried in his pillow.

"Yeah go back to sleep" she says, answering the phone, covering up the speaker until she's on their balcony. The morning breeze is far too cold and considering she's just wearing Matty's Tshirt, she'd be surprised if she didn't get frostbite.

"Lou, are you there?" She hears her friend say.

"Yes I'm here sorry" she looks at her phone seeing the clock said 5am, she puts the phone back to her ear 

"Rose I love you but it's 5 in the morning, what time is it there?" She asks, not keeping a track of what time it is in her home town like she usually would.

"That doesn't matter, what matters is that I've just seen pictures of you and Matty holding hands and cuddling. Last time we spoke you said you're seeing how things go" she explains. Shit  they did get caught she thinks , it's fine Matty said we will deal with the consequences together.

"That's exactly what I'm doing, Rose. Seeing how things go, I'm not filtering myself for anyone, I'll do what I want and that's exactly what Im doing" she explains. Rose chuckles on the other end of the line, Lou's words perfectly described herself, never one to filter herself for the sake of others.

"We respect that, you know we do. One of the things we love most about you... We're just worried you're going to get hurt" Rose explains, Rose was one of the most genuine people she had ever met, she was similar to Hann in the fact she would say it how it is although perhaps a little more carelessly and sometimes brutally than Hann.

"We? So you've spoken to Mia and Cami too... Great'' she says, eyes rolling. Mia was the band's bassist (and her sister) and Cami was their lead guitarist.

"I mean... Mia is blindly happy for you, you know what she's like" Rose says.

Mia is around 5 years younger than Lou (having joined the band reasonably late, a fact that Ross and Lou had jokingly argued about as the band didn't have a bassist for a while), they had always been close but one thing they loved about their relationship was they weren't dependent on each other. Despite spending all her time with the 1975 in her childhood, only George had met her band members, they weren't very interested in becoming friends with them, far too happy in doing their own thing.

Mia lived in London for almost all of their childhood, they'd only see each other during holidays or special occasions, something about that dynamic made them closer (which most people found odd). Mia had played bass since she was around 8 and she had joined the band 5 years after they got famous.

"I love her... She's my sister and all but she'd be happy if I found a penny on the floor" Lou says making Rose chuckle, knowing it was true. Despite having different Mum's, their families always encouraged the sisters to appreciate life intricacies, the small things.

"We're just looking out for you L" she says, the nickname only her band members gave her. She remembers the first time George visited the band on tour during one of the 75s breaks, he practically cringed at the nickname, she was and always would be his "Lou" and the fact others had different nicknames for her didn't sit too well at first.

"I know" she says, knowing they never did anything with less than pure intentions. "but listen... We're a family here, if anything happens they'll protect me" she says, not that she needed protecting. Rose finds her heart sinking slightly at her friend's words, as if their own band weren't a family. But she saw the way Lou was with the 75, how undoubtedly happy she was and she knew to push the selfish thought down.

"You seem really happy" Rose finally says and Lou smiles at that.

"I am..." She can't help but smile widely. She could easily go on to tell Rose how she's having the time of her life, how she's never felt this happy, how something feels different with the guys (something she has been struggling to explain), how Matty makes her feel seen and loved (something no guy has come close to before). But she doesn't, wanting it to be her secret for now.

"I'm also really fucking cold right now" she laughs, goosebumps rising to her skin as the wind makes Matty's shirt blow around her.

"Why?" Rose is laughing at her then.

"I'm on a balcony"

"why?" She's asking again, the two of them laughing.

"Matty's asleep... Like I said it's 5am" she says and she hears her friend sigh on the other end of the line, a happy sigh.

"Matty aye? Sharing a room are you?"

"Shut up" she chuckles. Her voice lowers and she whispers her next words "he told me he loved me Rose".

"Wow. That's big" she says and Lou's nodding even though Rose can't see her.

"Do you love him?" Rose asks, already suspecting the answer.

"Yeah"

"Well shit... Guess we're coming to the next show then. Got to see what Matthew Healy is like nowadays. Can't be the same old Ratty you used to kick about with" she says making Lou laugh loudly.

"I miss you guys" she says, the 1975 were her family, everything was intense. But with her own band she had fun (not that she didn't with the boys) but it was different.

"Is George still as fit as the good old days?" She asks and Lou can't help but laugh again.

"Pack it in, you know he's in a happy, healthy relationship" Lou explains.

"Too bad, don't know how you didn't jump his bones every time you were with him"

"Ew... Just ew. He's like my brother"

"And that Ross.... Damn. And I hear hanns going to be a daddy? That's hot."

"Okay Rose I'm hanging up now" Lou says and with two I love yous, she's slipping back into their room, seeing Matty awake and scrolling through his phone, smiling down at the screen.

"You know we look quite cute in these pictures" he says, eyes meeting hers. She's quick to jump on the bed, chin hooking onto his shoulder to peek at his screen. They did look cute and more importantly they looked happy. She smiles as Matty screenshots the photos.

"Deal with the consequences together, yeah?" Matty says, Lou nods at him, smiling as his lips press against hers.

"The first of which will be a very angry Jamie... And probably Gregg too" she says, Matty scrunching up his nose in agreement.

"Yeah...." His voice trails off making her giggle.

"I don't care... I'm happy"

"Me too love" he says, another kiss being delivered to her mouth.

"Rose called, think her and the girls want to come to the next show" she explains and Matty nods, typing something on his phone to Jamie, asking him to sort out their travel and to save them three tickets.

"Thank you" she says.

"If I remember correctly... They don't like me all that much do they?" He says and she's the one furrowing her nose at him, shaking her head.

"Guess I'll have to prove them wrong" and she almost dies at those words, lips harshly pressing against his. He groans as he pushes against her, her back hitting the bed.

"You're insatiable" he says, making her nod as her hands pull him in by the hips, forcing them to come into contact with hers in a sharp grind. She quickly finds him hard and resting against his abdomen and it doesn't take long before he's inside her.

"Jesus Christ" he groans, throwing his head back as her hands interweave into his curls. He's never going to get used to this.

----------------------------------------------------------

"You're supposed to tell me shit like this before you just decide to do it" Jamie says, his voice raised slightly, not shouting but firm and pointed.

Matty was standing in the centre of the room. George, Hann, Ross, John, and Jamie were all watching from the opposite side of the room, each of their arms crossed, ready to defend the pair if they needed to.

Carly (who had arrived this morning) and Polly were seated next to Lou on a large leather sofa.

"Come on man! It's not that big of a deal, we were holding hands, not making out" Matty says and Lou can't help but smirk.

"You know we have rules" Jamie says, making Matty (and all the boys scoff)

"I mean he's done worse" George says and Jamie whips around to see him, his finger pointing at the large man. Lou can't help but chuckle.

"Don't you start" and then he's turning to her now and her smile drops "and you"

"How am I supposed to explain this to your manager huh? How are we supposed to explain this to the fans?" Jamie asks. He was never really one to worry about these kinds of things, things were usually very chilled with him, it was one of the reasons the guys loved having him as their manager.

"Is it really that big of a deal?" Lou asks, Matty's eyes find hers and soften.

"Jamie listen" Lou says and the boy's manager finds her eyes and then soften, he had grown to have a soft spot for her "ignore Matty for a second" she says making everyone including the curly haired man laugh.

"When have I ever done anything problematic?" She asks and Jamie can't think of a single time, she was a saint (in the eyes of their fans anyway, Matty knew what she was truly like behind closed doors).

"We will do whatever you and Gregg want us to do... We just got caught up in the moment, okay?" Lou says and Jamie smiles at that, appreciating her words.

"You know what... Do whatever... We will deal with it" Jamie then says, almost completely giving in. The whole group smiled at that, the spirits lifted almost immediately. He goes to leave the room, turning back at the last minute.

"You're both serious about this right? This isn't some fuck around?" Jamie asks, already knowing the answer but wanting to confirm. They both share a look before looking at him again. They nod and he smiles.

"Well... Good" he says before leaving.

George hugs Matty as Lou is hugged by both Carly and Polly. She hadn't gotten much time to spend with the girls so when Matty's eyes found hers, although he wants nothing more than to spend time with her, he lets her have her own time with them.

"Look at you, you're glowing" Lou says, smiling at her friend. Carly smiles back at her thinking the same thing about Lou.

"How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" Her words are rushed and Carly laughs, as does Poly.

"Lou calm down, I'm fine. Thank you though" she says sweetly. They continue talking and at some point Poly leaves them and soon after Hann joins, hooking a protective arm around his wife as his other hand toys with his wedding band. Lou always cries at the sight, feeling awfully sentimental today.

The couple stare at each other for a few seconds, smiles resting on their lips before they're both turning to look at her.

"Why are you both looking at me like that?" Lou asks, making them laugh.

"We've been meaning to ask you something" Adam says, words quiet so only the three of them could hear.

"We were wondering," Carly says, looking at her husband before looking at Lou again.

"When the baby is born... If you'd be godmother" Carly says and as skin as the words come out, tears are springing to Lou's eyes.

"Wh-what?" She stutters, completely unsure why they'd ask her of all people, she appreciates it nonetheless but is very confused.

"Truth is we wouldn't even be married if it wasn't for you" Adam says.

"That's not true" Lou says and Carly raises her eyebrows at her.

"Regardless... You've always been so welcoming of me, and so so supportive. And whenever I'm here, you're always the first to check up on me and the baby" Carly speaks, hands resting over her bunk as Adam nods next to her.

"You don't have to say yes. We'd just love it if you did.  You know what you mean to us" Hann says and Lou is pulling them both into a tight hug, careful of the bump resting between them.

"I'd be honoured"

----------------------------------------------------------

The next evening Lou is pacing backstage at another venue, anxiously awaiting the arrival of her band of which included her baby sister (definitely not a baby but oh well). They had planned something special for this show, seeing as her bandmates were going to be there, the boys asked her to sing a song on her own, any song she liked.

"Lou you're making me anxious, stop pacing" George says, leisurely chilling on one of the sofas, Matty sitting next to him, a smirk resting on his face.

"Why are you smirking?" She quips at the man, who's curls have been tamed by an obscene amount of hair gel.

"Like seeing you like this, it's cute" he says, pulling her into his lap as she walks past them, stopping her pacing altogether.

"That's better" Matty says, making Lou giggle as he swarms her neck with light pecks.

"Absolutely disgusting" George says, standing to leave the pair of them.

"He's just jealous," Lou says, making Matty nod.

"Why are you anxious darling?" Matty says, nudging his nose lightly against hers.

"I haven't seen them in a while, I've missed them like crazy and I'm just.... I'm worried they're going to see what I'm like with you guys... And like hate me or something" Lou admits.

"You're crazy" Matty says, laughing at her "I don't know how many times I have to tell you love, but no one could hate you" he says, his words so simple but completely easing her thoughts.

"I love you" she says freely now, the man smiles widely down at her, pressing his mouth to hers sweetly.

"I love you more"

They hear a door open behind them, Lou jumping from her place in his lap, turning around to see three women standing in the hallway with Jamie. One of which runs towards her, screaming loudly, she jumps and Lou catches her as she laughs.

"Oh my god Mia you're not a child, I can't carry you anymore" Lou says, struggling to hold her sister up.

"I have fucking missed you bro" Mia says as she's placed back down, punching her older sister in the arm.

"Ouch" Lou says, all of the boys watch with their mouths open. Lou was talking to someone who looked almost identical to her, although her sister's hair was much lighter than hers and shorter too, her skin slightly paler, far less tattoos covering her body.

Rose and Cami are pulling her into a tight hug next, the four of them nattering like a bunch of mothers waiting to pick up their kids.

"Oh shit. Sorry" Lou turns to the guys who are still watching, mouth agape at the four of them. George is quick to stand up, pulling them all into hugs, muttering "long them no sees" to each of them.

"Of course you know George..." Lou says as she begins to introduce the guys. Every single one of them fawns over the man, making her roll her eyes, pointing her fingers at them, telling them to stop which makes George laugh. He knew they did it on purpose, to get under Lou's skin but he can't help but let it get to his ego too.

George wraps up Mia in a hug "how's my favourite sister doing?" He asks just to annoy Lou.

"Ha ha very funny" Lou says, pushing her best friend lightly as he wraps his arm around her too.

"This is Ross, Adam but we call him Hann, Carly: Adam's wife and mother of his unborn child" she says pointing to each of them, making everyone laugh at her words about Carly. She doesn't mention that she's going to be the child's godmother, wanting to savour that fact for a while.

"Penny, Jamie, John and... Matty" she's smiling at them and all the girls smile at everyone introduced, waving at them. The girls can't help but notice how Matty stares at her, his eyes set on no one else but her, a huge smile resting on his mouth. One look and they could see he was smitten.

"This is Rose our drummer, Cami our lead guitarist and my little sister Mia, who's our bassist" she smiles as she speaks, hooking her arm around Mia at the last instance.

"How did I not know you had a sister?" It's Matty who's speaking, almost all of the girls scowling at him, apart from Mia. He shares a look with the other guys, all of them shrugging, all of them knew she had a sister (although only George had met her) , how the fact had escaped the attention of Matty they did not know. He feels awful that he doesn't know, and wonders why he hadn't told her.

"Don't talk about me then sis? Oh how you wound me" her sister says, making her laugh and nudge her.

"Na, just kidding, it's all good. I lived in London, same dad, different mum" Mia explains, coming to pull Matty into a hug to properly introduce herself. Lou stands there watching them, finger in-between teeth as she watches how Matty freezes up awkwardly, the scene makes her chuckle.

"Mia stop being weird" she says, pulling her sister back from Matty.

The rest of them talk then, the girls talking to various people at scattered times. Mia stands with Matty and Lou, catching up about all sorts of things. Rose and Cami talk to Ross, Hann and Carly.

"Who's the one with the bun again?" Mia asks and Lou rolls her eyes as Matty smirks, knowing exactly why she's asking.

"That would be Ross, OUR bassist' ' Matty says, smirk clear on his face. His arm was wrapped tightly around Lou's waist, holding him to her. Mia thought they looked cute together and she couldn't help but smile at the huge smile resting on her older sister's face. She had never seen her this happy before.

"That's Ross?!" Mia almost shouts, catching the attention of the tall bearded man.

"Shut up" Lou says, Mia and her share a look, confusing Matty slightly. Mia was one of the only people that knew Lou and Ross shared a kiss when they were teenagers for they told each other everything.

"He's gotten a lot fitter than when you knocked about with them" Mia says, her London accent a lot more prominent as she speaks.

"You need to stop" Lou says, Matty and her laughing at the slightly smaller girl. Matty's eyes flick between them, eyebrows raising.

"Sorry I can't get over how similar you look, you seriously have different mum's? " Matty says, making them both groan.

"Oh god don't say that"  they say in unison, Matty holds his hands up in surrender at the daggers they shoot.

"Forget I mentioned it" he's being pulled away by someone else then. Leaving the two sisters alone.

"I mean... I like him" Mia says, grasping her sister by the shoulders. Rose joins their conversation.

"That's because you didn't see how completely unbearable he was when we were kids" Rose says, beer in hand that Lou is completely unsure how she got.

"Alright Rose we get it. Give the poor guy a chance, people change" Cami speaks and Lou is thankful to her.

"So tell us, are the rumours true?" Rose then asks.

"What rumours?" Lou asks, eyebrows furrowing at her bandmate.

"The rumours when we were kids.... That he's a good shag" rose says, always one to be forefront with her questions, something which often got them into trouble.

"You know what, you carry on mingling, I need a fag" Lou chuckles before finding her way out of one of the side doors, she hears them all laughing behind her.

The cigarette quickly finds its place in-between her lips, lighter sparking, the end burning as she breathes it in. She hears the door open and then shut behind her but she doesn't turn. She doesn't need to, she can smell two familiar scents: one of the man she loved and one of her life long best friend.

There's a silence for a few seconds as they light their own cigarettes, Matty's arm hooking around her waist when he sees her shiver.

"Sorry Lou but your sister is fitter than the last time I saw her" George says, making her cringe and making Matty chuckle.

"Ew. Just ew. And you have a girlfriend" Lou says simply, she doesn't miss how Matty leans in whispering a "you're fitter" into her ear. It's kind of a weird compliment, she never once compared herself to her sister, but she can't deny the way his words make her thighs tighten. She suppose it's because he's the one saying it and she's the one he wants when there's plenty of other beautiful girls, including the ones back inside, who he could easily get.

"They seem nice" Matty then says, loud enough for them both to hear.

"They are. But they're fucking mental though. Sorry if Rose is a bitch to you, her heart is in the right place" Lou explains, talking to Matty now, ignoring her best friend.

"It's okay, I get it. I was a dick remember?" Matty asks and Lou and George nod at him, all three of them laughing at his words.

"Cami is an absolute sweetheart so you don't have to worry about anything with her... Maybe just" she turns to Matty, placing a hand on her chest "watch what you say" this makes George laugh.

"And Mia... Keep her away from Ross will you? She's small but she will break that man" Lou says, her words shocking the two men, making them laugh anyway.

"Really?" George says, raising his eyebrows "maybe he needs to be broken" and Lou is groaning at his words.

"Don't you even try George" she says, the man flicking his fag to the floor, running back inside, giggling like an absolute child.

"George!" She shouts, giving in when the door swings back. She turns back to Matty then, who is smiling widely at her. His curls have once again been tamed by an unruly amount of hair gel, she almost frowns at the fact she can't run her fingers through the strands.

"Remind me why you didn't tell me you had a sister?" He asks and she frowns at him, thinking of an answer, not really having a definite one.

"Hmmm... I dunno. Guess I never thought to tell you before... And now... Think I was too wrapped up in you to tell you" she says, feeling a bit bad that she hadn't mentioned her own sister.

"As much as I love that... Told you I wanted to know everything about you" he says and she nods.

"I know... You'll get to know her now though, she loves you already so you definitely don't have to worry about her" she seals her words with a brief kiss.

"You seem different around them" Matty admits, making her eyebrows furrow, not knowing whether the meaning behind his words was a good or bad difference.

"How?" She asks, he smooths his hands over her waist, pulling her closer as his back leans against the concrete of the wall.

"You're like the leader of their pack, they all look to you, you shine" he admits and his eyes sparkle as he speaks "like seeing you shine". She doesn't quite know what to say but opts for the truth.

"I've actually been enjoying not being the frontman for a bit... Happy to be in the background and bask in your light" she says, his heart flutters at her words.

"Oh honey..." His fingers tucking a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen, choosing to gently grip her chin instead of dropping back to his side.

"You've got your own light, even at the back... Everyone's looking at you" he says and she doesn't believe his words. She had a few of her own fans come to their gigs but the majority were there to see the boys and Matty, of course because it was their show, she was just there to help. She shakes her head at him, making him chuckle.

"Wish you could see yourself the way I see you... The way thousands of people see you. Trust me darling... You shine" he seals his lips against hers now, not letting her utter another word. His words had some truth to them that she didn't see, the guys often found themselves watching her even on that stage, she radiated something more than any of them could give.

And Matty especially couldn't take his eyes off her, she was everything, up on that stage, in a coffee shop, amongst friends, under the covers in their room: she shined.

Their lips move passionately against each other, neither able to get enough of each other. He's pulling her as she pulls him, trying to get closer even though it wasn't possible.

Neither of them had spoken about the fact that in two days they would be at the end of the first leg of their tour. They'd been setting off on a three week break, every single person had made plans except the two of them, too wrapped up in each other to have spoken about it.

The door creaks open next to them and they hear someone cough. They pull apart, both looking to see sweet Cami standing there.

"They're calling you on stage" Lou appreciates that she makes no crude comments, and doesn't groan at the sight of them.

They leave to play then, the crowd like no other tonight. She doesn't know if it's because she has her bandmates and her sister here or maybe because things are going so well with Matty, but the smile on her face never leaves. They play song after song, each one better than the last and when the second half rolls round and Matty introduces them, he surprises her.

"So we have two more shows after this one... And then we're on a three week break" he mentions it now and suddenly it dawns on her.

" I haven't made any plans... I've been a little distracted..." He says, looking over to her, making the crowd go mental "the truth is I've been having the time of my life with someone truly truly amazing and I'm the happiest I've ever been" he says. She thinks that his words are good enough for her for now, that's all the fans really need to know.

"This tour... We had someone amazing join us... I wasn't overjoyed at first, everyone on this stage right now would tell you that... Including her, especially her" he says and they all chuckle to themselves, Lou's eyes never wavering from his.

"But my god... George" he says turning around to face his best mate "thank you" he says, hands flat against each other, raising them to his chin as he tilts his head.

"Thank you to these boys right here" he says, pointing to Hann, George and then Ross "for making the best decision ever and bringing this wonderful person on tour with us" Matty says, finally pointing to her. Some fans may think he's just being sentimental, thanking her for joining them this far. Some will know the true meaning to his words, all but confirming what they were.

"Our wonderful Lou, would you come here for a second please?" He asks, and exactly as they planned she walks over to him, smiling as he pulls her into a tight hug before they pull back, his hand resting on her shoulder.

"Now you've got an absolute treat tonight" Matty says and someone passes her, her acoustic guitar. Matty moves from his stool and lets her sit there.

"The amazing Lou everyone" he says before he's leaving, everyone leaves the stage then, joining the girls backstage and watching from the sidelines.

"God this is daunting" she says into the microphone, making the crowd laugh "Yeah I know this is my job but I haven't been up here on my own for a hot minute" they laugh again.

She's shining again Matty thinks, god he loved how she shines.

"Boys please come back" she says, everyone laughing again.

"Okay okay" she says, shaking her nerves off as she begins checking if the guitar is in tune.

"I need to say a couple of things before I start, unplanned I know" she says, saying her last words to the guys on the side of the stage.

"Can't let Matty say all that without me saying anything" she laughs and she sees him smile at her.

"My band is here tonight" the crowd screams "my little sister"

"And I can't remember a time where I felt as happy as I do now. We're a family here at the 1975... I know that more than anything else" she says her words making the boy's eyes fill with tears.

"I guess I just want to say thank you to the whole team... And to my four boys, you know I'm not the best with words so I've been wanting to do something to show you guys how much you mean to me instead. So I thought I'd sing you a beautiful song. One which you wrote. This is for you" she says, beginning to play the beginning chords to "When We Are Together".

She plays a stripped back version of the song, somehow making it more sentimental, the boys find themselves hugging each other backstage.

Matty stares at her intently as she sings, the voice he loves so much filling the entire arena, he's in awe that the entire audience is silent, simply listening to her sing.

"You ask about the cows, wearin' my sweater

It's somethin' 'bout the weather that makes them lie down

The only time I feel I might get better is when we are together" she sings, her voice soft and sweet, undeniably beautiful.

She sings the song to the end, only then looking up at the audience. Her own eyes glisten with tears that are yet to fall but they do when she sees everyone holding up their phone, a few people crying their own tears. The boys are quick to join her on stage, hugging her tightly in a group hug before they return to their places on the stage.

"I love you" Matty mouths to her making her smile and mouth an "I love you too" back. Neither caring that thousands of people were watching them.

----------------------------------------------------------

George somehow ropes them all into a night out. Explaining that they hadn't had one yet despite being nearly at the end of their first leg. It was a rare occurrence for the band not to have had one, but they had all agreed that until they were all settled they wouldn't have a crazy night out.

But as the first leg was coming to an end, they had all agreed it was much needed and well deserved. Plus, the addition of Lou's bandmates had them all in high spirits.

"Got to give the newbies a proper 75 welcome" Ross says, wrapping an arm around Lou, pulling her into his side.

"Hey I'm not a newbie anymore" she argues back, jokingly shoving the man above her, shrugging away from his grip.

"But you haven't been out with us losers since we were teenagers" he quips back and she can't argue with that.

So they all rushed back to their hotel, the girls taking up Lou's room which was yet to be touched. Matty frowns as she disappears between the doors, leaving him to get ready on his own. Lou quickly showers, slicks back her hair into a high pony and applies some make up, not too much on her face but a dark eye, before joining the girls back in her room, wrapped up in a white robe.

"Feel like seeing how much that man has the hots for you?" Cami says, making Lou laugh as she searches through her suitcase. The girls seemed to have come prepared, suspecting that a night out would be on the agenda.

"We're not going anywhere fancy Cami, George knows some dj at this club and they've got us a booth" she explains, failing to mention that it was in the VIP section, something she didn't like to brag about. Cami holds up a silk dress with a deep v and a high slit, Lou shakes her head "too fancy".

Cami mutters an "okay okay" before she proceeds to throw more things from her suitcase, a mischievous look on her face as she puts together a few items.

One of which is a skirt that is far too short even for Lou, she had thrown all sorts of items in there, some of which she hadn't worn in ages.

"Cami that skirt it so fucking short" Lou says, unsure about it, and the slit that revealed half her thigh. Cami proceeds to throw the skirt at her, along with a deep v lace bodysuit and a cropped blazer.

"Just try it on" she says, the other girls nodding. Lou sighs deeply.

"Don't encourage her" she says, pointing to the other girls.

She makes her way to the en-suite bathroom, removing her robe before putting on the assortment of clothes Cami had selected. She finds herself smirking at her reflection, her ego was far from big but she knew that one look from Matty and he'd be on his knees.

She makes her way back into the room, her bandmates gasping at her.

"That's it. That's the one. I'm a genius" Cami says, placing a kiss on each of her cheeks.

"I'd do you" Rose says, making them all laugh, her fingertips pluck the "M" necklace that rests against the centre of her chest, just falling in-between her boobs. Rose smiles and lifts an eyebrow.

"Can't lie... That's undeniably cute" she says and Lou smiles.

"I know I give him shit... And I will continue to until I see fit" rose says making Lou laugh "but it's obvious he's madly in love with you... And you seem really happy" she says and Lou nods at her.

"I am... I don't even remember what it was like before... I hated him because I thought he hated me... As soon as I found out he didn't, everything kind of just fell in to place" Lou explains, mia standing up to hug her sister.

The other girls get ready after that, Lou helping them do their hair and make up, hearing the guys laughing from outside.

Rose wears a simple black dress that sits tightly on her body, Cami settles for a black pair of skinny jeans and a lace bralette, whilst Mia adorns leather trousers and black one shoulder bodysuit.

"You guys are going to give them heart attacks," Lou says, making all the girls laugh.

They then make their way into the main room, Lou the last to leave, before she does she hears George say "Was wondering why you took so long but now I understand. Look lovely girls" he says, his words fairly tame in comparison to what she'd thought he'd say.

"Where's the woman of the hour?" He jokes before she steps into the threshold. Her eyes find Mattys almost instantly and she can't help but smirk at him.

He was sitting on one of the sofas, legs spread wide almost as if he's ready for her to take her place in them. He shoots up as soon as he sees her, tugging at the shirt that rests almost uncomfortably around his neck now.

He's dressed in black suit trousers, a plain white T Shirt tucked in with a black shirt thrown over the top, the buttons almost all undone except two at the bottom, the shirt is sheer and she holds back moan as she sees him. His hair isn't tamed by gel now, unruly curls sat atop his head, ready to be tugged.

"Damnnn" George says, hand reaching for hers and getting his best friend to do a twirl, which makes her laugh. She didn't notice Matty coming over to her but she sure as hell notices the look he gives George, one in which she had never seen before.

His eyes warned his best friend to watch his mouth and George instantly stepped away, he was being territorial and she was surprised with how much she liked the feeling.

"Baby..." He practically whispers, hands coming to find her waist, gently pulling her body to his, his touch is unsure, as if he thought he wasn't deserving of it. Behind them, everyone begins talking to each other, letting the couple be.

"You look..." He swallows deeply and the sight kills her. She's glad her outfit had the outcome she had desired but as his dark eyes find hers she finds herself lost for words. Her eyebrows raise up at him, begging him to finish his sentence.

"Devine..." He says, as if she's a meal to devour. She couldn't care in the slightest, she loved how he much he wanted her and how little he tried to hide it.

"Hmm" she says, hands flat against his chest, she doesn't even beginning to describe how good he looks before George is interrupting them.

"We should probably leave before these two start fucking" George says, making everyone chuckle.

The club is loud and George disappears the minute they arrive, talking to the DJ of the night who lets George take rein of the music for a bit. The others find themselves at their booth, drinks already waiting for them.

Matty's hand is firmly clasped on her thigh as his other arm hooks around the back of her. His hand comes to fit at the back of her neck and she finds herself loving the feel of it. His grasp wasn't too tight but wasn't exactly soft and she has to stop herself from pressing her lips against his.

Ross is sat opposite them talking to Mia, her hand rests on his knee as they talk over the loud music. Cami and Rose are already on the dance floor, laughing with each other as they danced and drank.

He leans into speak to her, having to place his mouth directly next to her ear for her to hear "saw about 6 different guys stare at you as we walked in love" he says, almost proud of the fact.

"Yeah?" She asks and he smirks.

"Don't blame them, you look fucking hot" he says, making her chuckle and lean into him.

"Bet it must feel nice knowing I'm yours huh?" She asks and his smirk falls, mouth agape for a beat before his lips find hers for a firm peck.

"You're not mine yet love, not really. You could go over to any one of them right now and do what you wanted" he speaks and she smiles at him, shaking her head at his words. His words which were just to test her. He wanted nothing more than for her to say his words weren't true.

"Its shame for them then isn't it?" She says making his eyebrows furrow, not knowing what she meant.

"Shame I want you and not them" she says, standing from the booth, hand finding his as she stands.

"Besides" she says, leaning down to him until her mouth grazes his ear, making him shiver "if I'm not yours... you should do something about that" she says before looking at Mia.

"Want to dance?" She asks and Mia smiles widely, standing almost instantly. Lou notices the clear frown on Ross' lips and she smiles, raising her eyebrows at the bearded man.

The two girls quickly make their way to the dance floor positioning themselves so they can be seen by the guys (who's eyes never leave them).

Ross and Cami are quick to find them, the four of them dancing with each other, laughing and drinking.

Lou feels a tap to her shoulder so she turns, looking up at a guy who she doesn't recognise, a 6 ft something guy who, if she wasnt completely smitten with Matty she would find attractive, he had curls too but they weren't the same as Matty's, he looks sweet, a we'll put together man who no doubt has a large sum to his name. She stands there awkwardly waiting for the man to speak.

"Sorry I saw you across the room and just had to say hi" he speaks the cliche line and she chuckles.

"Does that line usually work for you?" She shouts over the loud song that's playing, the girls behind her laughing.

"I don't know, it's the first time I'm using it, you tell me" he says smoothly and Lou chuckles again.

"Ah come on Lou, let him buy you a drink" Rose says and she knows she just wants to see Matty's reaction.

"Lou? Is that your name? A pretty name for a pretty girl" he says and she can't help but cringe a little.

"I'm actually here with-" she begins to say she's here with someone but is interrupted by rose again.

"No she's not, she's just being modest, buy her a drink, a martini" she says and Lou chuckles as they man smiles before leaving.

"I hate martinis" Lou says and rose smirks.

"I know, but I love them" she says leaning in to speak into her ear "turn around, it worked" rose says.

Lou turns and is suddenly flushed against Matty's chest, she stumbles but his hand quickly finds her waist, holding her against him.

"Hi" she smiles.

"Hi" he smiles back, looking down at her. His eyes flick to the bar where he sees the guy he was all but ready to pounce on if he made a single move. Lou turns her head to see who he's looking at and she smiles upon turnjng around to face him again.

Her hands rest against his shoulders as a slow beat plays, she steps towards him so they're closer.

"You don't have to worry about him" she whispers into his ear. His hands grip her hips as she begins to move against him.

"Hmm why's that?" He mumbles into her ear, lips finding their way to her neck.

"Think you already know Matty" she says, pulling back to look at him. Her eyes plead with him, begging him to just kiss her already.

"Because you're mine yeah?" He shouts smiling down at her. She simply nods and his eyes leave her for a second, flicking to someone behind her again.

"Sorry mate" he speaks to whoever is behind her, probably the guy from a minute ago, but Lou's eyes are training on the curly man holding her "she's my missus" the words leave his mouth before he even processes them.

She hears a grumble behind her and then Matty's eyes are on hers again.

"Your missus huh? Like the sound of that" she pulls his mouth to hers then, lips pressing against one another with fervour. Him using that word so casually awakens something in her (and seemingly him too).

He tries to speak through their kiss, eventually having to break away.

"Be my girlfriend? Like proper girlfriend" he asks, it was not the way he had intended on asking her but he was desperate now, not wanting to go another minute without asking her.

"Wanted to ask you in a better setting than this love but-" her lips are on his again, shutting him up. She goes to say yes but suddenly a lanky man is pulling the pair into a tight hug.

"Fucking love you guys" George says, making the two of them laugh loudly.

"How much have you had to drink?" She laughs and he smears a kiss to her cheek before doing the same to Matty.

"Question is... Why haven't you?" His words make no sense but they allow him to pull them back to the booth and allow him to make the whole group (save for Matty) do a few shots. Lou doesn't drink as much as the rest of the group, wanting to support Matty but also wanting to remember the night, for it was already an amazing one.

As the night progresses, Ross and Mia are dancing together, her hands flat against his chest as their bodies moved against one another.

Matty and Lou were flush against the wall in the corner of the room, hiding from everyone else, needing some time to be alone.

"You never answered my question" he says as his head tucks into her neck, lips pressing against the skin.

"Kind of got interrupted" she sighs, hands threading through the curls at the nape of his neck.

"Yeah George keeps fucking doing that tonight" He pulls back to look at her and she smiles.

"Yes I'll be your girlfriend" she says and he mirrors her, wide smiles adorning both of their faces.

"Yeah? Don't care that I asked you in the middle of some sweaty club" he asks and she shakes her head.

"No, because it's you. I'd of said yes no matter what Matty" and the confession has him blushing deeply, pulling her into him to place a loving kiss to her mouth.

"Didn't get to finish what you were saying to me earlier either... Some best friend g is" Matty says, needing to hear what she wanted to say.

"Yeah... Was going to say how good you looked" she says, smoothing her hands down his white Tshirt, fingertips pulling the shirt that rests either side of his frame, until their mouths meet again.

They break away a few moments later and his eyes wander to the centre of the dancefloor where Ross and Mia can be seen.

"Told George to keep her away from that man, she'll break his heart" Lou groans eyes finding where Matty was looking and he laughs at her words.

"You know I know about that night right" Matty says as his eyes snap back to hers, looking down at her as she frowns up at him, not knowing what she was talking about.

"What happened between you and Ross" Matty says, a smirk resting against his lips as Lou's mouth falls open.

"What- how?" She asks, mouth agape, lost for words.

"He's my best friend love, told me as soon as he knew I had feelings for you" he says, thumb drifting along her cheek.

"And? What do you think about it?" She asks, searching his face for any signs of him being annoyed at her.

"Well that depends..." He asks, a darkness to his words, lips pressing against hers, confusing her.

"Depends on what?" She murmurs against his mouth, pulling at his shirt, needing him closer to her.

"What was it like?" He asks, pressing his mouth to hers the moment he finished talking.

"Want the truth?" She asks and he nods against her mouth as his tongue finds hers. She allows them to fight for a moment until she lets his push harshly against hers, making her core flutter and letting him lead the kiss.

She pulls away from him for a second, dark eyes finding his and she smirks.

"It was hot... At the time" she says and she smirks down at her.

"Ross said the same thing" he says and Lou's eyebrows raise.

"Yeah?" Mattys hand drifts along her waist, landing against her hip, pulling her flush against him, moving their bodies to the beat of the music. Her arm hooks over his shoulder, clinging onto him as his hips ground down against hers.

He nods down at her and she finds herself confused as to why he's smirking still.

"If he told you that... Why are you smirking?" She asks, moaning into his mouth as his lips press against hers again.

"Because... It was a childhood makeout, doesn't mean anything... Fizzled out anyway" Matty says, repeating what Ross had explained to him. His lips find her neck again and she sighs.

"Hmm.. what if I said otherwise?" She says, purely teasing him. His head snaps away from her neck, finding her eyes, seriousness now covering his features.

"That's just mean love" he says, and she smirks up at him now, he doesn't find it funny and she's quick to drop the act. Softly playing with his hair as anger clouds his eyes.

"Baby I'm joking" she says, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, drifting them down to his neck and up to the shell of his ear.

"Doesn't mean anything... You're the one I want. My boyfriend" her last words are what gets him to snap back to how he was moments prior. It's what makes him press his mouth back to hers and grind his hips down to hers.

"Say it again" he murmurs into her mouth.

"My boyfriend"

"Fuck" his tongue roughly presses against hers and her hold on him tightens as pleasure increases throughout her body as she feels his hardened length pressing against her core.

"Want to get out of here?" He asks as he pulls away from her. She's quickly nodding up at him making him smirk.

"Good. Can't wait to get you out of this fucking skirt" he says, hand running along the hem of it, caressing her thigh. They quickly weave themselves out of the club, leaving their friends, leaving Lou's sister who is likely still with Ross.

----------------------------------------------------------

Their naked bodies are sprawled out on the bed of their hotel room, Matty is lying on his front as Lou is at his side. Her fingers drift along the expanse of his back, the muscles contracting under her touch before she presses light kisses to the skin.

"We have a break in two days" he says, his voice quiet, looking over his shoulder to find his girlfriend, who's arms were resting against his back.

"Want to spend it with you" Matty says, turning onto his back, she allows him and then lies back down onto his stomach now.

"Id like that" she smiles, pressing a kiss against his stomach.

"Think we should go away for a bit... Just us" he says and she nods again.

"Need to go home too though, need to see my family... And G's" she says and Matty nods.

"My mum's been wanting to see you again. Hasnt seen you since we were kids" he says. A man of many confessions tonight it seems

"Id love that. She always loved me" she says and Matty nods.

"Yeah I know... Used to give me so much shit for treating you the way I did. Said I was a cruel boy" he admits, his words holding a certain sadness to them.

"It's okay, made up for it now" she says and she smiles slightly.

"I'm so sorry"

"Baby no. You don't have to apologise anymore. I forgive you" she says, lips pressing softly against his stomach again, moving upwards until pressing against his lips.

"I know... Just needed to say it" he says and she nods.

"Can't believe you're my girlfriend" he says, hands moving her hair from her face, wanting to truly see her.

"You know... I never really said sorry for how I was to you" she admits and he looks down at her.

"You weren't nearly as bad as me love"

"That's not the point though... I'm sorry Matty, truly I am. Things were so different back then, it's kind of crazy" she says and he nods.

"Why did you hate me?" He asks, looking down at her, she didn't mind being asked it, they hadn't actually spoken about it yet.

"Suppose at first I hated you because you hated me... I tried to get you to like me... But after a while I gave in... Hated you because despite everything the guys said about you, about you being this lovely guy who would do anything for his mates... You weren't that person with me and I desperately wanted you to be... So I hated you because you didn't allow me to have you that way" she admits, something she had never admitted aloud before.

"I never knew that" he says, frowning at her. She knows he's about to apologise again so she presses her mouth to his.

"I often saw the way you were with them, when you thought I wasn't looking and I felt jealous... You told me the guys got to have me in a way you didn't and it was the same for me" she says.

"God we really made a mess of things didn't we?" He says, chuckling at the whole messy situation. She smiles at him and nods.

"Think we've made up for it now don't you think?" She asks and he nods, kissing her sweetly.

"My girlfriend"

"Your girlfriend" she smiles.

"Think I'm ready to make it obvious were dating" he says and she nods.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea" she says lying down on his chest and listening to his heart beat until she falls asleep.

"I love you" he murmurs although she's asleep on his arms now.

"I've always loved you" he says before he feels himself drifting to sleep too.

Part 9

[semiweirdshipper]

Hello! It has come to my attention that you are currently looking for inspiration, so I thought I'd lend you a hand! First of all, if this does not peak your interest, please don't feel pressured to take my suggestion! Alright, so, emotional support/fluff, hm... What about killers being tenderly taken care of after a survivor managed to hurt them? I'm not sure if this is the kind of concept you are looking for, so please excuse me if it isn't! Have a lovely day! 💗

A reader helping killers' who were hurt- emotionally and/or physically.

For the very sweet, lovely @lovesick-on-the-loose

Thank you so much, lovesick, for being so kind and patient. You're a very wonderful person and I've enjoyed the conversations we've had together. I apologize that the drabble is late, but I really hope that you like it 💐❤️ Much love to you, my dear!

Also.... This is my first time writing Kazan, so I probably did an iffy job. Nonetheless I'm glad I got the chance to portray his character more.

Warnings: Non-graphic violence. Character injury. Blood and injury. Fat shaming.

...

Max (injury)

Max was in a rough chase with Ada who kept hitting him with pallet after pallet until one point it finally managed to break the skin on his head. And it was painful. So painful that he dropped his hammer and chainsaw and began limping around blindly while clutching his head.

He growled and groaned in pain. His heart was racing and it felt like his skull was broken. Blood oozed down his face and into his eyes. What did he do? How was he supposed to fight like this? Aw, he just wanted the pain to stop.

"Max."

Max jolted and spun around anxiously. Who was that? Someone else who wanted to hurt him?

"Max, it's me, (y/n), a-are you okay?" It was you.

Max relaxed a bit and stilled his movements. Personally, you were his favorite person here. You were just so pretty and kind and caring. And he kind of... 'liked'... you........

"Oh, that looks bad. Here, I have a medical kit. Would it... Is it okay if I help you real quick?" You asked, stopping nearby.

Him getting help from you? Was this a dream come true? Max hesitated, but eventually he nodded and got down to his knees. He heard you approaching, his eyes squinting with the intense desire to properly see you.

"Here," You say, your gentle hands cupping his chin and tilting his head up, "Hold still, ok?"

Max uttered small, patient growls while enjoying the feeling of you softly cleaning away the blood. You were so gentle and kind. Oh, how he wished he could speak.

"I'm gonna bandage this, but it might sting a bit, ok?" You say, patting his shoulder.

Nodding, Max tensed and groaned whenever you poured cool liquid over his head, but once it settled a bit, he was surprised to notice the painful wound go numb. "I'm sorry this happened. I know Ada can be a pain to deal with," He heard you speak while wrapping up his head.

"But you did a good job," You hum, and it caused his chest to flutter. "And you're so strong. I love how you never give up."

Stop it. You're making his heart go crazy. Max's crooked mouth curved in a smile, and he growled bashfully at your praise. It might sound silly, but he really wanted to hug you right now.

Once you were done bandaging his head, you sat back and smiled, "There. Is that better?"

Brushing a hand over his tingly, bandaged head, Max nodded and looked at you, his cheeks turning red at your beautiful, kind, amazing face. Gosh, you were so incredible. He was grateful to even walk on the same ground as you.

Wincing, Max clenched his eyes shut and forced out, "Thhh... Thank... You."

"You're welcome, Max," You grin, leaning in to place your hand over one of his, "This trial is pretty much over, but I'll stay behind so you don't get punished. Does that sound good?"

What? You would do that for him? And the way you were holding his hand- it just- ahhh! What was happening right now?

"Wh-what's wrong?" You laugh softly, obviously catching onto his adorable panic.

Max tilted his head away. What's wrong is that he really liked you, and you were really nice, and you just helped him, and you were holding his hand, and it felt like his face was about to burn off. He growled a bit, closing his eyes when he slowly turned his hand over beneath yours, your fingers lightly intersecting.

"Max?" You squeeze his fingers back.

Max turned and looked at you, and his heart rocketed into his throat at what you said next.

Herman (emotional)

He was sitting at the isolated killer campfire by himself, his knees drawn and body slumped forward as he stared with blank eyes at the infinite fire. Around a week ago he had been rejected by someone who he was really attracted to, and that pain was still heavy inside him, endlessly weighing him down.

And, to add more salt to the wound, people both killer and survivor alike had been making fun of him and all for different reasons. He felt like a fraud, an outcast, a failure and a hated imbecile. And lonely. So very, very lonely. Unliked. Unwanted.

There was the distinct sound of tasseled tree branches in the distance, but Herman didn't care to register it. Was probably just some other jerk come to rub his own humiliation in his face again.

"Herman?" He heard a voice. 'Your' voice. "E-excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, I just... I just came to see if you were okay?"

Herman turned his head and spotted your shy figure standing just on the other side of the fire. While he didn't know you personally, he knew that the brief moments you did share together in the past had been decent. But that didn't answer why you were here. He nodded.

You approached slowly, your steps light and hesitant, "Aren't you lonely out here all by yourself?"

Yes. Herman shook his head and sighed, idly watching you from the corner of his eye.

"Is it okay... Can I sit with you?"

He nodded. You sat down about five feet away from him, mindlessly grabbing a nearby stick and probing it around at the ground, "It sucks- being rejected. Makes you... Makes you wonder what you're doing wrong."

Herman's eyes widened and he looked over at you. You were looking at the ground, casually tapping at it with the stick. You had been rejected too?

"And it's crazy because-pfft! Who would wanna reject you? You're smart, kind... Handsome..." You bashfully admit, turning your head away.

Interest fully caught, Herman straightened his posture and turned towards you a bit, "(y/n)?"

"I'm just saying-" You say somewhat passionately, albeit embarrassed, "They're stupid for rejecting you..."

Herman's gaze drifted off a bit, "Or perhaps I merely hone no attraction."

"Uh," You scoffed, glaring at him, "Yes you do. Why would you say that? You're very attractive, and kind, and you have the most beautiful smile, and you're such a gentleman- I-I seriously don't know why anyone would want to turn you down. You deserve so much more than that."

"Hm," Herman smiled a bit and scooted closer to you, his tone pleasant and smooth as he mumbled, "Yes... Yes, I suppose I do deserve better, don't I?"

When you turned your head back and saw how close he had gotten, you blushed and stammered, "O-oh, I-I... I?"

"Tell me, (y/n)... Is it true? Do you really think that highly of me?" Herman asked, staring hopefully into your eyes.

You stare back, a bit flustered, but honest, "Yes."

"Well then," Herman stretched his hand out towards you, murmuring, "I guess I just need to set higher standards then, hm?"

Kazan (injury)

Kazan is not used to the foreign, futuristic buildings that he is forced to do trials in. And not frequently does he have the proper attire to venture through these realms- like right now he was trying to navigate his way through some freezing, concrete building filled with flashing lights, walls, creepy bathrooms and more walls.

There was also a lot of clutter in the institute, and along that clutter there lie stray broken glass. Glass that he stepped and 'slipped' on thus creating multiple, long cuts in the bottom of his bare feet.

Kazan roared in anger and pain, immediately dropping his katana and falling down onto his bottom. He growled, pawing at his rapidly bleeding foot. There was a piece of sharp glass lodged inside it. He touched it and roared yet again in excruciation. Curse this hell.

If the Entity was a belly, he would slice it.

Kazan attempted many times to remove the glass, and when that failed he tried resuming the trial, and then when that failed he sat back down and huffed and groaned loudly in a mixture of pain, fury, and annoyance.

"Hello?"

Kazan huffed and turned his head straight in your direction, startling whoever it was that dared tread close to him. His eyes dilated, though, whenever he saw that it was 'you'. (y/n). You were standing nearby with your hands lifted in the air- a red medical kit held in the right one.

"I-I saw that you were hurt," You say softly, gesturing to his foot, "I can help."

What? He didn't understand you. The language you spoke was foreign to him, didn't you know? Kazan huffed gruffly, clenching his hand around his katana. The only reason he didn't cut you where you stood now was because he liked you. You were the only survivor who he respected in this gruesome purgatory.

Instead of running away like he expected you to, Kazan watched suspiciously as you pointed from your med-kit down to your own foot, back to the med-kit and then to him. Hm? He knew that those red, square things were filled with equipment survivors used to heal themselves with. Were you implying that... You could heal him too?

"I can help you."

Well, there wasn't anything about your tone that suggested malice, and your expression seemed empathetic enough. Perhaps he could stand to accept your aid. Kazan huffed and spoke in his own language, relaxing his body and lifting out his foot.

He thoroughly observed you as you slowly approached him and kneeled down in front of his injured limb. So far you seemed trustworthy. You shuffled through that red container and pulled out a pair of pliers.

Kazan wasn't completely ignorant. He knew what was coming. This wasn't the first time something sharp needed to be pulled out of his body. So he sat up a bit and braced himself as much as he could, stifling a great roar whenever you swiftly pulled the glass out.

Your care after that was immediate. As you quickly dowsed his foot with numbing liquid and then wrapped it with gauze, Kazan listened to your soft yet foreign mumblings. Somehow it was reassuring to him, and you were so precise and gentle.

Kazan decided that he really did like you.

Once you were done, Kazan sat up straight and began to thank you in his own language. He even did a little bow to further express his gratitude.

When you bowed back, he blushed a bit and gazed down at his bandaged foot. You not only helped him but you showed him great kindness and respect. He said that he wanted to get to know you better.

You squinted your eyes at him, looking confused, "What?"

Kazan did the only thing he knew of that could work. He grabbed his katana, ripped off one of the decorative sakura on the handle, and lifted it out towards you. Take this as a clarification of his gratitude and maybe even, one of these days, his love.

Jeffrey (emotional)

He was sitting outside of his caravan on a chair all by himself, simply enjoying the peace after-trials brought. It had been a rough day- one that was filled with hate, degradation, embarrassment and loneliness. Jeffrey knew that he wasn't the best looker out there. He had let himself go a long time ago and he was far from being healthy.

But man, did people really hate him.

A lot of the survivors were friends with the killers, but no one was friends with him. Jeffrey was positive that the reason behind that was due to his appearance- hell, the survivors and even some of the other killers reminded him of how disgusting he was every day.

That's why, when Jeffrey saw you timidly approaching him from the opposite side of the dead circus, he rose an eyebrow of curiosity and defense. Judging by your posture, you didn't look like you were here with ill intentions. In fact you seemed kind of nervous and... shy.

Jeffrey eyed you heavily up until you came to a stop just a few meters away. "Hi?" You bashfully said, your adorable fingers lifting in a small wave.

"An' what the hell do you want?" He asked, prepared for the worst.

"I um... I just wanted to come by and say that... I saw how the other survivors were treating you last trial, and I... I wanted to come see you and say that... That I..." You cleared your throat, pressed your hand against your mouth and looked away, your cheeks a vivid red, "I don't think you're ugly at all. And... I hate the way they treat you. It's not right."

Jeffrey could only sit still in silence for a moment, utterly shocked. Well, of all the things you could have said, he definitely didn't expect to hear that. "Heh," He smirked, spreading his legs a bit and leaning forward with interest, "An' what made ya come all the way down here just to tell me that, sweetheart?"

"I..." You stammered, your blush more than obvious, "I-I felt bad for how they were treating you, and I... I was worried that you- you know... Might be feeling bad too..."

"Well, ain't you sweet?" Jeffrey grinned and beckoned you closer with a finger, "Commere."

You complied hesitantly, coming to a stop just a few feet away from him. Jeffrey eyed you up and down, pleased with what he saw, "Tell me: if ya don't think I'm ugly, then what am I to ya?"

Your fingers nervously rubbed together in front of your belly. Your cheeks were dark and your gaze averted. "I- you... I think that you're... Handsome." And then you covered your face with your hands.

And oh did Jeffrey love that. Someone thought he was handsome- and not just any someone. 'You'. One of the greatest survivors in this junky place. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, can ya repeat that?" He teased, lifting a hand behind his ear.

You made a face that caused him to laugh in amusement. "Aw, come on, ya gotta know I ain't got good ears," He grinned.

You shuffled and gazed around, unable to look at him as you sputtered, "I said... I think you're handsome."

"What was that? Sorry, one more time."

"Mm..." You blushed furiously, covering your face, "Seriously?"

Jeffrey leaned back and chuckled, "Ain't you just the dammed most adorable thing I ever did see... Much better than all them other hustlers. Prettier too."

"Is... Is it okay if I sit with you for a while? Please?" You ask.

Jeffrey hummed and closed his legs together, patting his thighs as he said, "Yeah, yeah, here. Sit right here. Take a load off from all them darn nice things yuv been sayin' to me."

Whether you sat on his lap or not was entirely up to you. Either way, Jeffrey loved having you around. And for the first time in a long time... He felt like he was finally accepted.

[elderemorune]

Beautiful IF.

This evening, my wife and I went to see a movie. This isn't anything unusual, we love the theater, and will take any excuse we can to go when she has time. Last we were able to get out just the two of us, it was to see Lisa Frankenstein, which I wholly recommend by the way. It was great, feminist as fuck, and frankly (see what I did) fun as hell.

But that's not why I'm here tonight.

Tonight, we're here for John Krasinski's IF.

IF is a movie that's part of a rare genre. The Family Film. You know, the kind that came out when millennials were children, like The Addams Family, or Hocus Pocus. A movie made for everyone to enjoy.

Now this is probably confirmation bias, since most of the fandoms I'm in are serious business, or at least they think they are, and such most of what I watch is grim, dark, or otherwise edgy. I won't deny being an edge marquis, I've been one since middle school and I'm not stopping now!

This movie, simply put, is beautiful. As we start to see more and more art about fighting (or subliminally supporting) fascism, it's like we shy away from beauty and instead want to focus wholly on how dark things are for us. And with a constant barrage of messaging like that, it's hard to stay hopeful, easy to stay mad.

Then we get a movie like IF. It takes a look at life through the most hopeful lens it can, a kid's. I don't want to get too into the story because my roommate reads this and I want them to see this as blindly as they can, but I'll tell you this: IF wants you to know that it's okay to be a kid.

But what does that mean? To be a kid? Is it to engage in wild flights of fancy where you imagine great, impossible things like an elephant made of cotton candy? Is it using play to cope with hard times? To be innocent? What is innocence anyway?

IF isn't trying to answer those questions at all. All IF cares about is that you know that it's okay to be a kid, no matter what.

For a super spoiler-free quick rundown, IF follows the adventures of Bea as she tries to help place imaginary friends (IFs) with new kids and find a new sense of purpose. Imagine (heh) Foster's Home for Imaginary (heh) Friends, but age Mac up a year and have her partner be a big furry purple guy (Hey! Like Eduardo!) named... Blue? Is this possibly an... GASP! AN EASTER EGG RIGHT THERE?! The big difference is that imaginary friends can't really be seen by anyone, except Bea and this other guy, Calvin. We'll talk about him later.

So let's talk about the rest of the movie, because there's not much more I can say without spoilers.

Just look at this man. He's distinct. You know EXACTLY what he's about, who he is, everything you need, just from looking at him.

And the same holds true of every other IF that you see (and don't) on screen. The team that worked on them did an immaculate job, perfectly capturing a child's imagination and how they see the world around them in these funny lil guys. Like how Blue is purple because his kid was colorblind, so he looked blue TO HIS KID, and how the robot IF was the kind of thing that a kid fond of taking things apart might imagine as their friend. Their personalities are all so clear, and when they're on screen they really steal the show.

Speaking of theft, let's talk the casting. Cailey Fleming plays Bea and gosh is her performance just the tops. Her first onscreen part was as young Rey in Star Wars: The Force Awakens (which I didn't watch because I just don't care much for Star Wars). This is the first place I've seen her work, and I one hundred percent believed she was actually John Krasinski's daughter.

Who, by the way, plays her dad. A lovable goofball who tries to find the fun in everything, he's sick (though we're never told with what) and is in New York for surgery. It's a big one, apparently, and there's a chance he won't wake up from the anesthesia, but he's determined to make it through. Really, what can I say about Krasinski's acting that fans of The Office haven't already said? This guy is the kind of dad I want to be when I eventually have kids.

Steve Carell voices Blue, the big purple IF on the poster. Sure, I guess if I had A critique of this movie, it's that it's another Steve Carell Funny Voice(TM) but fuck off, I had fun and it was clear he loved the project. I loved Blue, I thought he was funny and so sweet, and he was just so goddamned lovable that I genuinely had no notes.

Last, and he'd probably say least, Ryan Reynolds plays Calvin, a very handsome gentleman who can also see the IFs like Bea can. He started the effort to rehome IFs with new kids, but hasn't had much success at the time the movie starts. He's a bit of a curmudgeon, pessimistic that anything they do will work, and refers to his ability to see them as a curse, but he still does everything he can to help Bea place IFs in new homes. While still your typical wise-cracking Ryan Reynolds character, it was interesting to see him playing a character who's not about diving into things headfirst, instead giving us a more timid person who would really rather be asleep.

The cast all worked exceptionally well together. As I said, I came out of this movie truly believing that Fleming was Krasinski's daughter, and the chemistry between her and Reynolds was amazing. They really felt like friends, and I never once felt like their relationship was weird in any way. Carell and Fleming were also delightful together, with Blue serving as wonderful comedy relief.

Lastly, I guess is the score, right? I'm new to caring about this, so forgive me if I forget an important part.

Music was done by Michael Giacchino, who's score was frankly perfect. He captured the vibe perfectly, and I can honestly think of no higher praise for a film score. In particular, there was a scene that really hit me, and if the Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia hadn't been the song used, I'm not sure I'd have cried near as hard.

So that's it. IF. A beautiful movie, a poignant message, and something that I think everyone could benefit from seeing.

Because what IF it's right? And it IS okay to be a kid?

That means anything is possible, doesn't it? What IF you COULD have a cotton candy elephant? Or a small army of Bionicle robots who are fiercely loyal to you as you lead them across Mata Nui to expunge the darkness? (Don't tell me you didn't do this. If you had Bionicle, you did this.)

What IF?

[minluce]

Weak Hero - Wolf Keum Meta and Backstory Theory

I recently reread and caught up with this series; it's one of the two webtoons that I genuinely like. Anyway, having thoughts. Spoilers for up to chapter 227.

Hot take that Wolf Keum is actually very similar to Gray Yeon. He actually makes the connection himself while watching Gray fight Dongha: They both get serious tunnel vision when they're fighting.

But I don't think the parallels stop there. I'm not the first person to bring up the theory on Wolf's backstory, that he was formerly a victim of physical bullying, before the roles swapped when he started to retaliate. The main evidence that points towards this theory is that Wolf likes to block with his face... that is to say that he just doesn't block hits. He's a tank, and he's borderline unphased by getting pummeled. It's very possible that he has a history of receiving hits a lot, therefore building up a resilience to physical blows.

The main thing we're told that makes us go "Oh wow Wolf Keum is insane", when he's first introduced as an antagonist, is the 3 second role. He beats anyone up for holding eye contact with him for longer than 3 seconds.

Now consider: everytime Gray beats someone to a pulp, his internal monologue is "I'll make it so that he can never look us in the eyes again."

Because of what happened to Stephan Ahn, Gray fights against those who threaten his friends or himself, beating them to the point where they wouldn't dare to retaliate, or do anything to challenge his authority. In a similar manner, albeit exaggerated to an unreasonable degree, Wolf retaliates against any (perceived) threat against himself. Maintaining eye contact is seen as a challenge, in both Wolf and Gray's book, but whereas Wolf is always reactive to the smallest slight, Gray is willing to let microaggressions off the hook.

The theory that Wolf used to be a victim is also supported by the timeline as well. He's the newest member of the union. He's a dark horse; he was on nobody's radar in Middle School, before suddenly becoming a big deal in High School. Just like Gray, who was simply an unassuming "nerd" up until his third year, when he went ballistic on the bullies who had tormented Stephan all year.

The difference? 

Gray had Stephan; he has friends who support him and drag him away from the edge. Friends who tell Gray "hey, they're not worth it, you're better than them".

I think it's safe to assume that no one has the guts to tell Wolf that. Without anyone to put the brakes on his rampage, Wolf got into the habit of going too far, for too little.

The role reversal from constantly being on the bottom, on the receiving end of other's violence, to being on top, would have contributed to Wolf's short temper and overwhelming arrogance. He reacts to smallest things because he won't let anyone bully him anymore. He's arrogant because he's drunk off of the victory of being on top. There isn't anyone to tell him that he's "done enough", so he keeps going, and going, and going, until it's no longer "retaliation", he's simply become the same as those who he originally lashed out against.

We even see these traits in Gray, after his fight on the rooftop, which Jake comments on. Jake compares Gray to Donald, saying that he's grown used to fighting, even to the point that he enjoys beating people up. But I think, assuming my theory isn't off the mark, the comparison would also work with Wolf.

It's the behavior of someone who has been the victim of aggression, and is sick and tired of putting up with it. They blindly, instinctively, lash out at any (perceived or otherwise) threat to themselves, or that which they want to protect (Gray's friends, Wolf's newfound authority). Other than that, they don't go intentionally provoking others into a fight, nor do they go out of their way to torment those who have done nothing to ruffle any feathers.

The only exception is... Grape, who Wolf seems to get an extra kick out of tormenting. I do suspect that the reason for this will be revealed with Wolf's backstory, but for now I will summarize this entire post by saying that I am the biggest Wolf Keum apologist, and will be a biggest clown too if this theory is completely off the mark.

[joyswonderland1108]

What?

How is it even JK's fault that Tae can't travel to see him and support him?

First of all, and i'll say it beforehand i don't know the exact details of the law so don't ask me about any further information, i know it very superficially if you need more information you might want to ask a K-army or a K-friend in general. With that being said, since BTS announced and publicly that is that they're cancelling their military service postponement and will be enlisting after the completion of their solo activities, they are now bound by the military rules.

Which means, the boys cannot travel outside of the COUNTRY, without an official schedule aka something related to their work, whatever other activity they decide to do while out of the country is their own business but they just can't travel for "fun" and supporting another member is actually inside that "fun" box it ain't no official or professional schedule.

Up until now the two times we were sure Jimin was there for members (Hobi and Yoongi) he still had a professional schedule aside but he took the chance to make it in time to support his hyungs. A friend brought up Joon in Spain with his family and while it might look like a regular vacation for some but he DID have a professional schedule, he also took that opportunity to make it a mini family trip, it's basically a win-win situation, you get an official schedule you grab the opportunity which is always great to see our boys having a good time.

Now, Jimin is "coincidentally" (I don't think it's coincidental at all but you feel me) having an official schedule during this period, was it pre-fixed or was he able to arrange it to be able to support our Maknae AND get some work done? Maybe, maybe he went for the two birds one stone strategy. Up until now we have no idea what's up, will he be able to attend GMA or not, we have NO IDEA.

For all we know, Tae doesn't seem to be having any official schedule for now, not in Paris not in the US so again, no official schedule means no flying out of the country. So why tf is JK to blame? He's not the one making up official schedules. Their only concern is Jimin and i'm sitting over here thinking why aren't they questioning why wouldn't Yoongi go too? Since apparently Tae is being "held back by the evil step-mother that is Hybe" to go support the love of his life, Yoongi isn't held back by anything so why isn't he going? Makes us go back to the same point which is : No official schedule.

Second of all, Bitch! And if Tae isn't interested in going on a 10+ hours flight just to support a member, doesn't even have to be JK and even if the military rules weren't applying, he doesn't have to, why do they make it seem like it's a MUST that Tae should go to support JK, support isn't just by being physically present, how do they know he's not very actively encouraging him via messages and video calls?

Bitches are quick to assume Jikook aren't even texting each other but now they're assuming that about TK as well or..? And again if it's Tae's choice to not travel all the way to the US for one day, then how tf is JK to blame? It's not like JK has been plotting with the evil step-mother again to stop Tae from going to him dafuq?

It's one thing to be a delusional shipper and another to be a delusional maniac. This isn't just shipping blindly, this is projection, very blurred lines between reality and fiction, dementia? Please go get treated in a mental hospital. I know someone else was saying that Jimin is going to grab the attention yada yada, why is he grabbing the attention just when it comes to JK? Why wasn't that said about him when he went to support Hobi and Yoongi?

All this bla bla bla and we're not even a 100% sure Jimin is going to GMA anyways, they're already combusting just at the thought of Jimin and JK being in the same country, same city. Chile~ anyways so.. SEVEN IS COMING!!!!! Are you ready? Personally i'm not, but i am at the same time.

(Tagging this under Jikook because well.. Jikook.)

[linkemon]

Punished (Lotor x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

"— ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀʏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ, ᴡɪᴛᴄʜ? ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ — ɪ ᴡʜɪꜱᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ ʙɪᴛᴛᴇʀʟʏ. ꜱʜᴇ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀ. ꜱʜᴇ ʟᴇꜰᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴏꜰ ᴅᴇꜱᴛʀᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ɪ ʙʀᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴍʏꜱᴇʟꜰ."

Everything was going perfectly. The colonies expanded rapidly and provided adequate amounts of quintessence.

I met with [Reader] every day to discuss the results of our research. Her dedication to work and intelligence surprised me anew every day.

I couldn't get her smile out of my head. With each visit I wanted to see more and more of her. Joyful eyes and hair, blown by the wind among thousands of colourful flowers, were a sight that brightened the darkness in my own home. I was going through millions of scenarios in my head, deep in my heart, hoping for a situation in which I would be able to openly show her my feelings.

I stood in the audience room, hoping that the formalities would be completed as quickly as possible and I would be able to return to work.

I saw a clear path ahead of me that I wanted to follow in life. It's a pity that it didn't match the one prepared by my father:

— How are the changes? — I knelt down.

— Our fields are more productive than others. By working with leaders like Venta...

— You dare to work with these races as if they were your equals? — I saw a dangerous gleam in my father's eye.

— This is a cooperation that exceeds our best expectations...

— The heir to the Empire should not sully our honor by working with his subjects — he hissed.

This was not the first time a similar conflict had occurred. Zarkon followed his principles blindly. He never wanted to look at the facts and reality around him, which I hated.

— That's the path my mother's people would have taken. Did you think I wouldn't discover the truth about them and herself? Maybe Altea was destroyed...

— Enough! Either you rule your own people — he turned sharply — or...

— Never!

How could I rule over people I considered my equals?

— So I'll do it.

A shiver ran through my body.

— Father, wait! Do not do this! You can't... Don't make others suffer for my actions. — Silent plea.

— Too late. — Cold indifference.

— I will do what you asked, people will serve the Empire.

Then there was darkness and pain. I realized that the Witch had done her duty when I woke up and saw the power of destruction.

— NO! NO! NO! — I felt a lump in my throat.

The entire colony was on fire and clouds of smoke caused by the explosion were billowing upwards.

The alleys and houses were immersed in red hues. There were no longer vast fields or laughing children. There was no [Reader]. Everything that was previously colourful and beautiful was consumed by merciless flames. I didn't even have a chance to save anything.

— You are hereby punished in the name of the Empire. You will remember your failure for the rest of your days.

These were the only words he addressed to me then.

As if failure and not thousands of innocent lives, was what was dragging me into the dark abyss.

— Won't you say anything, Witch? Even you should see what your master's actions are leading to — I whispered bitterly.

She didn't give me any answer.

She left me to watch the work of destruction.

The one I brought there myself.

[blackknight-100]

So, sometime back I made this post about Fathers and Sons in Hindu Mythology, and @chahaa-piun-ja mentioned this:

I'll admit I forgot about Dhritarashtra, which speaks a lot about his paternal nature honestly, but when I was about to reblog and mention him, I realised he deserved a different post all to himself.

So... Dhritarashtra is blind. And by popular consensus this is a metaphor for his moral blindness and his blind support of his antagonist sons which... yeah. There's a lot to say about this representation of blind people but then again, this is a text from a time when disrobing a woman was theoretically lawful so. We'll ignore that bit for now.

That being said, I did subscribe to this idea myself, and it seems pretty straightforward overall: a father loving his son to the point of ruin, until I dug in a little deeper. And it seems to me overall that he isn't just blindly granting his sons' wishes out of love, he, like every other adult male in the Kuru court, is complicit in it.

From his backstory we know that he has been denied the throne because he was blind. Which today we would call ableism, but it was clearly as allowed in those times as it is now (looking at you, people who put ridiculous physical requirements to discount disabled applicants), so Pandu becomes the king. His feelings on this matter vary from neutral, unmentioned, resignation, frustration, jealousy, fury to outright hatred, again depending on which version you are reading and the point of view. All of this is valid by the way. If your family effectively decides to cheat you out of a throne and give it to your younger brother, who is also physically indisposed, just more agreeably so, in a society dominated by progentiure, you'd have every right to be furious.

So, when Pandu is compelled to go to the forest, either because of his impotence, or the curse, this feels like justice served. If I were Dhritarashtra I'd be happy too - look, you cast me away, and now you need me again. And Dhritarashtra becomes king. Whether he wanted it or not, whether he was jealous or not, he reclaims his birthright, and his brother isn't even dead or anything. I suppose he would have more qualms about the throne if Pandu were dead. Reasonably speaking, he has every cause to be happy.

And then Pandu tries to sleep with an unwilling Madri. And Pandu dies. And his sons come to Dhritarashtra's court. And the elders want Yudhisthira to be King.

Do you see where I'm going with this? This is Dhritarashtra's childhood/adolescent nightmare come again, and this time with his sons. He has a hundred of them. The fate of a son who is not King is erasure. History forgets them, people no longer remember them. Yes everyone knows the other Pandava brothers now, but they are outliers. They are heroes. They are demigods. And they are only 5 in number. No one will remember the 95 other Kauravas. No one remembers all the names of Krishna's sons, and they too were demigods, albeit unconventional ones, Hell, I don't! And I'm sure most people don't either.

Then, like a manna from heaven, Shakuni falls into his lap. Shakuni is his brother-in-law. Shakuni loves Gandhari and will always want the best for her sons. Shakuni is also really, really clever. And Shakuni, for whatever reason, hates the Pandavas.

Now, I know there are many popular versions where Shakuni is doing this to take vengeance on the Kuru clan, and yes it was dumb of Dhritarashtra to hand over his son's care to him in this case, but Dhritarashtra is overall driven by emotion and a desperate desire to be innocent. He just... gives away 3 boons to Draupadi because her condition makes him feel guilty and afraid (as it should, but this is not what you would typically expect from a man who blindly caters to his sons). When he realizes that doom has come for his children, he has a whole breakdown where he gaslights himself into thinking that he isn't responsible for the situation at all. Dhritarashtra is not even particularly immoral overall: he doesn't want to harm his brother's kids, he loved Pandu, and by extension he loves Pandu's children. But they have to be removed for his sons to get their due. He circumvents this by applying agents - Shakuni, Karna, his own sons.

Duryodhana loves him for it - he has no qualms exerting his power over his father. Except he does this with the belief that his father would never let him walk off to his ruin, which is why he is big mad™️ whenever Dhritarashtra costs him something. And Dhritarashtra basically costs him everything - by giving the Pandavas sanctuary, by letting them get equal education, by partitioning the kingdom, and especially by freeing them. When Draupadi wins over the Pandava brothers, that is when Duryodhana's belief really snaps, and he starts seeing his father as a lenient and foolish king. And the next time, he makes decisions himself and enforces it before his father can get a word in edgewise.

So yes, overall, Dhritarashtra is not a blind, dumb and ignorant spectator, or a helpless father bound by love. He's an indecisive coward, plain and simple, and he actively gives leeway for Duryodhana and co. to do what they do, and then hinders them because he cannot pick a lane. This is a sharp contrast to someone like, say, Kunti, who effectively enforces her will on her sons more than once, and orchestrates her sons' ruin more directly. Like sure, I get where Dhritarashtra is coming from. I'd be just as unhappy as he was if I were ever in his position. And it isn't that Duryodhana doesn't have a claim on the throne. It's just that Dhritarashtra is a passive parent who kind of tried to do good by his sons by keeping his own hands clean, and dirtied theirs in the process. And you know what? I'd rather take Kunti's ferocious authoritarianism over this.

[honeymouthedtales]

Not fic related, but what can you say about the issue surrounding hc? Some say its lost in translation but idk what to believe. I'm not fluent in Korean after all. I'm quite on the heavy side, so seeing haechan say such words, as his fan, is uncomfortable...

i tried to find an ask i was sent about a similar issue but it was jeno talking to haechan a few months ago, because my answer will be the same i gave that day. unfortunately it was on cc and cc doesn't allow to look for old tweets, nor is twitter helpful in any way so i'll try to answer again.

under the cut bc very long sry

first of all, it's completely normal to feel uncomfortable. those are your feelings and they're valid. your feelings are separate from the intentions of the person who said those words, so no matter what you're entitled to feeling hurt if you feel like your bias might be fatphobic and no one should be telling you otherwise. in any case, feeling disappointed is not wrong because as many people are saying he is a public figure and his words can reach (and hurt) many people.

this said, as someone who lives in korea, i do understand why some people who are korean are saying his words are being greatly exaggerated by ifans. korean people constantly comment on other people's weight. it's to the point that i think it's a way for them to make small talk. just like they ask people if they have eaten when they want to ask how they're doing, food is often used in connection to health. when people haven't seen you for a long time they usually tell you that you've gained or lost weight as well (happened many times with me) and people do tell others to eat well as a good health wish. that's why i think that telling people to get in shape and take care of your body does not necessarily mean that he thinks they are fat, it's just a way to say take care of your health. imo it would be wrong to read a deeper meaning in it.

back to my previous point. does that make your hurt unnecessary? no, because you can get hurt even he didn't mean to say something hurtful. if you get run over by a car it doesn't matter whether the driver meant to do it or not.

but i don't accept the narrative that hc is a terrible person who judges the members' bodies because he is fatphobic, and anyone believing this has clearly never lived in korea, where the kind of sentences he said are as common between friends (especially male friends) as using the weather to make small talk. if you want a real example, i dare you to look at the other nct dream members. all of them have, in other instances, made comments that according to our standards would be judged "fatphobic" while they were talking among each other. do we stan a group of assholes or are we going to acknowledge that there might be a certain degree of cultural difference at play between the way we consider acceptable to talk about other people's bodies and the way they do it?

i'd like to add something i said when this issue happened with jeno and haechan was called fat instead. i'm not haechan's babysitter. he doesn't need me to defend him when he's talking with his friends. if what is said among them is problematic, i'm sure they are all old enough to talk among themselves and solve the problems. what they don't need is some fans (often solo stans or akgae) inventing a narrative in their head, analyzing reactions to support their theories and then proudly saying "member x is an asshole" and deciding that they, as strangers, know their friendship better than dream, the actual group of friends. and this is just to get rt and likes, for the drama. it's meaningless to always praise dream for having a genuine relationship but then distort every single instance of genuine reaction we get from them just to make a hit tweet. if jn and jm were annoyed by that comment, i trust them to say something among each other without everyone butting in blindly.

finally, i'm sorry that as a haechan fan he disappointed you. i do think what he said is wrong. i think he should've minded his words better. i don't like when he says stuff like that. i don't believe he wants to be hurtful, but at the same time i don't think he saw a problem with what he was saying because most people around him don't. not only the other members, but also the staff, his family, other celebrities. it's alright being disappointed, but i hope we can all be realistic and stop pinning the weight of a behavior that is widely normalized on a single idol every time something like this happens.

I hope I explained myself properly. It's a delicate issue, and as a fan I have to juggle between dealing with my own feelings of disappointment and seeing many comments of people who are inventing things or being hurtful just because they finally have a good pretext to do it.

[oneatlatime]

The Winter Solstice Part 1: The Spirit World

I'll be watching this two part episode as two separate episodes.

Starting strong with some stunning pastoral views.

I like how Appa's shadow undulates over the clouds.

Is Aang passively airbending at all times when they're on Appa? Otherwise how do they hear each other? Unless it's a windless day and they're flying at walking pace there's no way they would be able to have a conversation.

Can you imagine the freedom of being able to throw yourself into the air with no consequences? Imagine how being able to ignore gravity since (presumably) a very young age would shape your worldview. Aang must look at the world in a fundamentally different way.

Blow dried Momo.

Could Katara stop babying Aang for five minutes?

The perspective is so funky in this shot that Appa looks Momo sized.

Did Gyatso say that Roku specifically would help Aang? He said that someone in that special room would guide him, but the only living creature in there was Momo.

Emotional support Momo. Maybe the help Gyatso spoke of actually was Momo.

Every time Iroh appears I become increasingly convinced that the creators of this show are fans of The Big Lebowski.

I love Iroh weaponizing teenage awkwardness to get himself five more minutes in the tub. I think I can also now declare myself officially used to Zuko's voice. I no longer find it muppety.

This is the environmentalism after school special.

The way this guy talks about flying Bison and airbender tattoos, is he actually old enough to have known airbenders?

Katara blindly trusts this guy because... he's old?

Pretty.

"It is the greatest honour of a lifetime to be in your presence." "Nice to meet you too." Yep, those greetings are definitely in proportion to each other.

I love the lighting in this scene. Everything has this golden glow.

The winter solstice sounds a bit like Halloween. The walls between worlds thin to almost nothing and things can cross over which shouldn't.

Aang's eyes are brown in this episode.

I love this attitude. Optimistic, upbeat. "I have to try, don't I?" is so true.

Is it just me, or is Sokka's ponytail weird this episode?

I think this is the Bumi guard voice guy again.

This episode appears to be taking place in a part of the Earth Kingdom that hasn't been taken over by the Fire Nation (unlike last episode). So for Zuko & crew, this is enemy territory. Iroh, who is a general with a fancy title, the brother of the leader of the fire nation (so I guess the next in line to the throne?), and so recognisable to the enemy that they can identify him without a single piece of insignia or even clothing denoting his country of origin, thought it would be a good idea idea to have a solo, unguarded spa day here? I bet the fire nation is happy the other brother is the one in charge.

More pretty.

Sokka racking up some major Big Brother points this episode. Aang may be the Avatar, which makes this kind of stuff his responsibility, but he's also 12 and clueless. He shouldn't have to face this alone.

This village must be close to the Avatar world's equator because that sun set ridiculously quickly.

You know, if I turned around and saw that thing following me, my first impulse would be to scream and run away, not introduce myself. This is why I'm not the Avatar.

If that's their water tower gone, this village is done for with or without the Avatar's help.

This spirit is throwing a proper tantrum. I love the way it moves too fast to see. I did not see Sokka getting kidnapped coming. I actually had to rewind and watch it again because it happened so fast that I did not see it at all the first time through.

I think the fire nation solider here is the Bumi guard voice too.

This is an insane shoulder to waist ratio. Also nice to see Zuko figure it out so quickly. This show has given me the impression so far that he's kind of stupid, but I guess not.

It's a panda! Black and White spirit, plus the environmentalism stuff from earlier, I really should have put that together sooner.

"I Failed." yeah you kind of did. So pick yourself up and try again.

Bird horses? Also those earth soldier helmets are probably really effective, but they look so stupid.

Proof that Katara is used to relying on Sokka to do all of her thinking and planning like I said last episode. If Sokka was the one left behind and Katara the one missing, he would not be so passive.

"All I have to do is figure out what I have to do. But once I do that, no problem." Even the most impossible tasks can be broken down into manageable steps. I love Aang's attitude.

It's so painfully in character that what gets Katara out of her funk is looking after someone else.

Where's Momo in all this?

In the spirit world, the avatar is just some guy? Can't bend. So what makes him uniquely qualified to be the guy who deals with spirits?

Dragons can talk with their whiskers. I'm sure I've seen that somewhere before.

Iroh can see stuff in the spirit world? Maybe it's an old people thing?

How stupid are these earthbender guards? Nice call back to the water heating trick. This show is really good at set up and payoff like that.

This dragon is very fluent at talking in pictures. Also the sky in the accelerated days and nights animation is actual live action footage of sky, right?

Earthbenders can skate on their bare feet. That's beyond cool. Imagine having an inborn ability to sock slide at will. I'd never walk anywhere again. Only slide.

Comforting Appa really did get her out of her funk and inspire action. Neat.

Aang and Zuko's stories do intersect this episode after all. Also I had no idea the two parties were this close to each other. Zuko showing this episode that in addition to deductive reasoning, he also has long-distance tracking skills.

I want to visit this village just to see the sunsets in person.

Iroh was right, they were clearly outmatched. These guys are just the worst. They're on a dirt floor in a dirt cave with the advantage of numbers and actual pants, and they still lose. Did Iroh even firebend?

I take back what I said earlier about Iroh being stupid for going off alone in enemy territory. If this is the calibre of soldiers he knew he would possibly run into, then he was perfectly safe all along. Although the last minute rescue from Zuko was a nice touch. Did anyone really believe that he would choose chasing the Avatar over his uncle? I didn't.

I like the creepy spirit whispering at the gate.

Did Katara yelling to Aang attract the spirit's attention to that main building? Because it seemed to be ignoring it before.

Chekov's acorn!

When Aang went to the spirit world, his body stayed behind on the statue's head. But when Sokka went his whole self was stuck there? Also that bathroom joke is payback for all the denied potty breaks.

Sokka's practicality and bluntness is just so perfect this episode. A nice counter balance to the spirity stuff. Just spent 24 hours in the Spirit world? That's nice. Can we have supplies?

Momo's back in these final scenes, but where was he the rest of the episode?

How does Aang know the island is in the fire nation? From the temple architecture?

Final Thoughts

I really like this episode! There is so much that is good: -beautiful visuals (so many sunsets!) -interesting sound design (that whispering was neat, and the single wind chime in the last spirit attack was so eerie) -so many well-executed set ups and payoffs (acorn, firebending heating stuff, how the spirit does relate to the burnt forest from the beginning) -So much good dialogue, from Zuko especially ("Now would you please put on some clothes?!?" / *sniffs* "Yeah, that's Uncle Iroh.") -relationship stuff (Sokka being big brother, Katara being lost without him until someone else needs her to be strong, Aang's relationship to his responsibilities both internally within himself and externally with how the village sees him and what it expects of him, the exasperated teenager and secretly amused parent dynamic between Zuko and Iroh switching flawlessly into a fighting team, then flawlessly back) -Everyone feels in character (optimistic sweetheart Aang, practical protective Sokka, caring Katara, super chill yet super skilled Iroh, Zuko just so fed up with everything) -The humour was downplayed this episode but the few jokes that were there were genuinely funny. Sokka getting hit with the acorn in particular. I'm thinking that there must have been a rule in the writing room that it's not a proper Avatar episode unless Sokka gets to be the butt of the joke at least once. -Zuko and Iroh finally getting fleshed out a bit. I feel like this is the first episode where Zuko hasn't come off as an asshole. -Worldbuilding (this is the first time the avatar's done his job as per the job description) -How it's supposed to be the first half of a two part episode but it doesn't feel like set up at all. It's a self-contained story with actual stakes, a conclusion that matters, lessons learned all around, and ALSO set up for next episode.

Once I had gotten a good look at firebending in the Southern Air Temple episode I started wondering how the fire nation hadn't completely decimated all their enemies. After I saw Bumi's bending skills I understood how the earth kingdom had resisted the fire nation for a century, but Bumi really was the exception to the rule, wasn't he? If these earth kingdom soldiers are typical of the earth kingdom army, I'm going to have to switch back to my original opinion and wonder why the fire nation didn't win the war 85 years ago. Because these guys are bad. They are surrounded by their element. Their prisoner is standing on their element. Just make the ground grab his feet! He'll be a sitting duck and they'll be able to do whatever they want to him. Better yet, just bury him completely. Or make handcuffs out of rock instead of metal. That being said, the soldiers' stupidity set up a really cool fight scene. How did Zuko not break his foot with that kick?

Everything is woven together so well in this episode. Almost nothing feels contrived - you can't tell me that Zuko didn't wait behind a bush somewhere so he could time his rescue of Iroh to have maximum drama. But otherwise this episode feels organic - like we were actually watching a couple of days in the life of these people.

I really liked this one.

[jess-moloney]

I hate this fandom. Yeah I think a lot of people here are kind and honestly I’ve met some great friends here, but honestly knowing that half these fans only have sexual feelings for this man without taking into account that he’s a person. He has flaws and struggles like us all. They all see him as a simple sex symbol when he is a PERSON. They don’t see his personality, his hobbies, his accomplishments. They just see a living dildo. Also, the fact people in this fandom are defending Jess so mother fucking blindly is annoying, genuinely makes me want to rip the hair right out of my scalp. Also, adding to what I previously mentioned, when someone calls Jess out (for example, this blog) they think they envy her or are jealous because they see Jamie as a sex symbol and only that. Do I think he’s attractive? Hell yeah. Do I think he’s sexy? Also yeah, but I also find his personality attractive, not just his body. I find HIM attractive. Not JUST his body.

I think part of the problem with this fandom is a lot of it is young girls and they don't know any better. Their only education on relationships is what they read in fan fiction. They have no experience with the real world so they think a guy has to have a huge cock and be a total animal in bed all the time because they don't consider Jamie to be a person as much as they consider him to be an object of lust in their fantasies, roleplays, or fan fiction.

Then we have the people who defend Jess for some reason. Though none of them are ever able to answer simple questions like:

Tell me one reason that you like Jess that doesn't have to do with something superficial or something to do with Jamie (notice how not one single person can answer that). Even that Malarkey blog flat out said they don't give two shits about Jess (I mean obviously they do or they wouldn't run that blog) but you'd think these people would have some reason to like her other than she's with Jamie and they don't.

Some of them like her because of lies they've been led to believe and when you try to show them proof of this they just call you a hater, refuse to look at it, and then attack you so that's pointless.

I get the frustration I really do. It's not that hard to sit down and read the source material. It's not that hard to use logic and conclude what Jess is doing. It's not that hard to see expressions, body language, and other behaviour and conclude that two people don't really love each other. Yet, instead of using any sort of critical thinking these people just fall back on fan fiction and the lies they tell themselves or other people tell them.

Of course a lot of this also applies to the other demographic of his fandom which is bored 40 year old dissatisfied housewives who are so obsessed with this fantasy of Jamie that they can't have anyone ruin it so they live vicariously through Jess because she's some "alt goth" looking woman they never could be without really examining the type of person she is. It blows my mind that there's such a lack of intelligence and empathy around here. It's why I'd never consider myself part of this fandom again. I'll like Jamie and I'll support him but fuck if I'm being in the fandom with how toxic it obviously is.

[bluiex]

(Immediately took the royal idea in an angsty direction (assumed unrequited love & Scar showing ambiguous signs of trauma). Nothing explicit but there's references to their wedding night! This was done head empty, so sorry for the pacing /formatting (not an experienced Tumblr user either) LOL — if anyone gets anything from this they're welcome to add to it /fix it up)

.

Scar thought he knew his place.

He'd familiarized himself with the judging stares from the start. Grian had been by Mumbo's side with a readied hand over the sheath of his sword like he was just waiting for an excuse. His fiance was kind, but he wasn't much better; his introduction one of resigned misery. Scar worked hard to break down their expectations over the months, but they'd both grown to trust him as a friend. Just a friend.

Scar hides a fond sigh. Despite everything, their warmth ended up being something close to what he wanted when he'd imagined for his wedding night in the past. He can still feel the loving ache between his thighs, their heated praises still echoing in his ears.

If things were different, maybe he'd consider himself lucky to not be truly bound to his arranged husband. If only he could swallow his feelings, if only he hadn't fallen so easily for them both.

He can't sleep with them. Actually sleep, that is. He's sure there's a couch in the corner, which would likely be preferred, even if he did serve as a catalyst for their urges–

He takes a shaky step out of the bed, blindly reaching for a wall for support, and trips.

His heart plummets, and the loud shattering of glass against the hardwood floors makes him nauseous. He's so dead.

Behind him, sheets move, quick and furious, he's sure.

"Scar?" a voice asks, cautious.

"I'm so, so sorry," he yelps. "I– I didn't mean it. I can clean it up, I promise, don't worry about it."

He narrows his eyes at the darkness, willing shapes to appear so he could follow through with his words. Sharp pain instantly shoots through his hand, and a pitiful whimper is torn from his throat.

"Scar," Grian says, "stay still."

Scar braces for some sort of impact that doesn't come.

Hurried hands grab at his own, and he drops the pieces of glass instinctively.

"Oh, Scar, let me get you fixed up. The only guard around tonight is me to honor your guys' privacy. No one will know a thing." Grian gets out of bed, and Scar can only wonder why his words don't sound like a threat.

"It's fine," he starts, a nervous laugh in his voice, but Grian just tsks.

"You're bleeding. Don't argue with me," he says, no room for argument.

"What were you even doing? If anyone should be resting, it's you." Grian adds, with the swish of a bottle and its contents. "I feel like I should be insulted that you're insistent on walking when I promised you wouldn't be able to."

"Oh, don't worry. Every move I make is a reminder of earlier tonight," Scar muses, through gritted teeth.

Grian hums, and starts tying his bandages. "Then explain yourself."

Scar blinks. "I was going to–you know–just find a place to sleep and all."

He swears he can hear the ruffling of feathers.

"What? Why?"

Scar frowns, even if Grian can't see it. "I didn't want to intrude. It should've been you."

"It should've been me?" Grian echoes. "It was me. We were all together, weren't we? You're the one who–"

Yes. Yes, Scar had worn that blood red lingerie in honor of Grian's signature jumper. He'd called out his name just to see Mumbo's face, to indulge the rough touch of the guard's hands when he finally threw out his urges from the other side of the door. He'd been waiting for their wedding night, to see them both give in was worth everything.

"Scar?" Grian whispers.

He doesn't have time to prepare for Grian's lips against his own; soft and careful and loving, he hopes.

"Please. Please just stay in our nest for the night. We can talk more when you wake up, I'll tell you everything." Grian swears, once he's pulled away and left Scar breathless. "We love you. We both do, if you do too."

Scar blinks, and feels something break within him when Grian pulls him close.

First off- this was AMAZING. The pacing is was perfect and I see no need to fix it... I WANNA HOLD SCAR AND TELL HIM HES LOVED *cries into my hands*