#i don't know!! I'm not a good liar when I haven't made my mind up about it!!!

[birdmenmanga]

there IS a temptation to send my mother images of men having sex that I’ve drawn because I think it would honestly answer a lot of questions she has about me. but I say this while simultaneously feeling embarrassed about telling her my plans to make two guys roommates in a story. genuinely have no idea why the latter is embarrassing and why the former isn’t...

[woso-dreamzzz]

Flirts III

Mapi Leon x Reader x Ingrid Engen

Summary: You have doubts

You don't know when you start getting doubts.

You don't know why you start getting doubts either. There's no catalyst for it. There's no rhyme or reason.

Just, one day, when you're across the country working on a surgery, the thoughts come to mind.

Ingrid and Mapi just fit together. They have a push and pull that balances them so well. You can't help but wonder if you're ruining the balancing act.

You're the interloper here even if they were the ones that pursued you. Maybe you've made this into a bigger thing than they expected. Maybe they thought that they were just going to give you the best sex of your life and disappear into the sunset and you just got your claws into them and they were staying with you out of politeness.

Your thoughts aren't rational, you know this, but they still swirl in your mind when you return to Barcelona and break down in tears in your cousin's arms.

She looks more shocked and worried than the time you made her babysit your puppy.

"I love them," You choke out suddenly after several minutes of uncontrollable sobs," I love them so much."

"Mapi and Ingrid?" Patri asks," I don't see the issue here."

That just makes you cry harder. "I don't know if they love me back!"

"You're not making any sense," Patri says," Why wouldn't they love you back?"

"I don't know!" You snap. You're a bit annoyed that Patri's clearly not taking this as seriously as you'd like her to. "They're always together, at work, at home. I'm not around them as much! How could they possibly love me as much as I love them?!"

Patri grabs you by the arms and shakes you a bit. "You're overthinking, again. They love you even if they haven't said it yet. I know they do!"

"But how?!"

"Because I'm the smart one between us!"

You let out a little laugh as you wipe your eyes. "I think my degree in veterinary medicine would disagree with you there."

Even with Patri's reassurances, you still felt a little wary. But you pushed through it. Your cousin was many things but she wasn't a liar.

You definitely kept your distance a little bit though. You wait a few minutes to reply to messages, just to see if they'd take invitations back. You don't smother them in affection like you want to. You don't make the first move in anything.

"Are you coming to the match tomorrow?" Mapi asks one evening as you all sip wine on the terrace.

"Do you want me to?"

Ingrid sits up from where she was lazing around. She places her wine glass down on the table and captures your hands with hers. Her fingers gently rub over your knuckles.

"Why do you sound so unsure?" She asks," Hmm? What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on."

Her gaze turns cold and she pulls you to face her by your chin. "Don't lie to me," She says firmly," Or I'll have to remind you what happens to girls that do."

Your throat bobs at the reminder and you wiggle in your seat.

Mapi's moved closer to your other side, a hand resting on your thigh.

"What's going on?" She asks," You've been distant for days now. Even Patri's noticed it. She came to talk to us in training, did you know? If something's happened, you have to tell us or we can't help."

"Nothing's happened," You deny," Honest. I don't know...I just..."

"Just?"

"I love you," You declare suddenly, shocking even yourself with the conviction you say it," Both of you." The words hang in the air for a moment and you think this is it. It's gotten too real for them both. This is when they break up with you.

You squeeze your eyes tight.

Mapi moves behind you, her lips brushing up against the shell of your ear as she whispers," Good. We love you too, amor."

Ingrid's smirking when you open your eyes and she drags you in for a bruising kiss. It's sloppy as she slips her tongue into your mouth. When you pull away, you're panting.

"You're coming to the game, right?" Ingrid asks even though she already knows the answer.

You nod.

You end up in Ingrid's jersey for the match. Partly because it was the first one you saw that morning and partly because you knew that it made Mapi absolutely feral.

You wouldn't ever say that you understood football no matter how many times Patri tried to explain it to you but you could admit that you liked the way it made your girlfriends all flushed and sweaty by the end of the ninety minutes.

Ingrid's arms wrap easily around your waist as she helps you jump the barrier. She brings you into a kiss that's bordering the line of indecent in public and you barely have time to react before your head is turned and Mapi's kissing you too.

Her hand tugs on your shirt. "You're wearing Ingrid's jersey," She groans against your lips," God, amor, what are you doing to me?"

"You like?" You tease.

"I love."

Mapi pulls you for another kiss and this one is definitely not fit for the public as Ingrid rests easily on your back, your hips in an iron grip by her hands.

"You've gotten her riled up," Ingrid scolds though her tone is light and joking," We'll have to get out of her quickly before she make a scene."

"You're already making a scene," Pina complains from where she's standing nearby with Patri.

"Stop tonguing my cousin!" Patri says," It's disgusting! I told you not to do that where I could see it."

Mapi rolls her eyes. "And I told you to stop trying to police our relationship. You're not as intimidating as you think you are, amiga."

"I am so intimidating!"

"Patri," You laugh," I once saw you slip over an empty coke can and land in a bin. You're the least intimidating person I know."

She grumbles before pointing warning fingers at both of your girlfriends and storming off, pulling a laughing Pina in tow.

"She's so annoying," Mapi complains and you swat her.

"Hey, that's still my cousin. Be nice."

"She's not being nice to us!"

"Girls," Ingrid laughs," Come on. Let's get home." She smirks. "I think that we can spend our time doing something apart from arguing about Patri."

[willows-peak]

*･ﾟ✧ Sharing Is Caring

tags: fem! reader, like a sprinkle of porn with plot, movie night, implied satosugu, dirty talk, its just all dirty talk, geto is thick asf, geto is fucking you in gojo's lap, petnames (baby, princess, sweetheart, honey, pretty girl)

MDNI

word count: 2k

a/n: i was in the mood to write dirty talk passed out then this appeared on my screen

⋆｡˚ ♡ Tonight really had started simple, with you coming over to Geto's apartment for a movie night, only to be surprised by Gojo greeting you at the door. And while you were always happy to see him as well, you've noticed that the two could get a little… Competitive with you. It was common knowledge that the two of them had a crush on you, and you did with them. Instead of the three of you saying anything out loud, the two men had turned it into a game of sorts on who could be the center of attention when you were with them. 

Thankfully, their competitions were never too serious nor staked on anything. Simple couples banter half the time, with the winner only earning bragging rights. So, of course you'd assumed tonight would be the same, when Geto started rolling his eyes when a sex scene came onto the movie you three had picked. “She's not even enjoying that, come on.” He'd scoff, hand underneath his chin and elbow resting on his thigh. 

“Oh yeah, right there!!” Gojo called out mockingly, earning a laugh from Geto while you sat silently. You couldn't exactly tell what she was doing ‘bad’ at, if you were being honest. “Is she really that bad at acting?” You chirped up, making both of them nod simultaneously. “No girl is ever that loud, trust me.” Geto confirmed, turning his body to face you and Gojo. You smiled up at him at how swiftly he shut your questioning down “You seem awfully confident with that, you almost made me think you've ever gotten pussy.”

Geto raised his brows at you, raising his head from his hand and leaning back on the couch, eyes shifting from your lips to your eyes before speaking up. “I haven't? That's funny, I didn't know you were a liar. Does she lie like that to you too, Satoru?” Geto chimed, smiling coyly over at the white haired boy. “Damn, she caught you red handed Sugu’.” Geto rolled his eyes before meeting your faze once again “I know what I'm talking about when I say that she's not getting fucked good.”

His tone, while the same as it was earlier, carried a certain weight to it when he said that. His smile failed to meet his eyes, which were staring straight through you as he watched for your reaction. A million things came and went by in your mind as you stared back at him, feeling frozen under him by how he looked at you. “She doesn't look too convinced.” Gojo laughed.

There really wasn't a good way of responding to him, was there? He said it so plainly, like it was a given fact, that you couldn't come up with anything to actually go against him. Well, one thing did come to mind, though it wasn't going to be your best work. 

“Prove it.”

.

You didn't mean to come across so bluntly with what you said, but it was too late to take it back. And from the grin that made its way onto Geto's face, you have a sneaking suspicion that that's what he wanted you to say.

Which led to right now. Where Gojo was keeping you snug in his lap, your bare back against his steadily rising and falling chest. His fingers spreading your pussy apart for the man in front of you two, who was so slowly grinding himself against you, hands sturdying on your hips. Gojo's middle finger slowly stroked your clit in rhythm with Geto's grinds, your resulting whimpers making the two men chuckle.

"Stop teasin’ her, Suguru.." Gojo spoke quietly, not wanting to tarnish the silent scene in front of him with his voice. Geto grinned up at him and angled his hips back, just enough for the tip of his cock to press against your hole. "Don't tell me how to fuck, Satoru" He shot back, watching how you squirm under him as he pushes himself inside of you, agonizingly slow. 

Inch by inch, you could feel yourself stretching to accommodate his size. Your hands came to grip at Gojo's thighs as you took your time getting used to Geto inside you. Gojo muttered curses under his breath as he watched Geto disappear inside of you, his cock being replaced by a small bulge at the bottom of your stomach. "I know, baby, I know. It feels like he’s fuckin' tearing you open the first time, doesnt it?" Gojo pressed the finger on your clit down more as he whispered, making your pussy tighten around the last inch of Geto. "That's right, gooood giiirrrl....I knew you could do it." Geto cooed, tipping your chin up to meet his eyes.

You shivered from his gaze, intense and relishing in the doe-ish look you had on you. "How's he feel, princess?" Gojo asked, smile audible when you made a broken moan in response. "S’ big.." You whined, sucking in air through your teeth as Geto pulled his hips back. "Fuck me, you're tight.." Geto stumbled out, your pussy almost choking out his cock if he so much as twitched. 

"Relax, honey, you're doing so good.. Just breathe with me, in and out." His tone was so soft, so easy to follow that you found your body obeying before your mind could catch up. He let out a low laugh as he watched your chest shakily fall up and down, feeling his dick grow harder at your obedience. 

"Innn and out, pretty girl, don't stop." Geto praised, moving his hand down your body to right below your stomach as he started thrusting, in time with your breathing. You gasped as he moved, his hips smooth and deep and just enough to make your head feel full of air. 

Your voice stumbled clumsily out of your mouth, moaning and panting from his thickness. "Shit..." Gojo whispered, his dick throbbing up against the restraints of his pajama pants (why did he have them on still? It may or may not be because he was too eager to see your naked body that he has the sense to strip himself) 

He continued whispering swears and encouragements to you as he squeezed his fingers inwards, around Geto's cock shifting out of you. Geto's slow and deep pace was no longer so gentle, every thrust inside you coming fast and hard, your body lighting up with sensitivity and pleasure before he'd take his time pulling out of you. 

It was difficult to think, much less speak at the rhythm he was moving inside you, especially with Gojo's own moans filling your ear, his fingers now rubbing quick circles against your clit. You could feel his cock humping up against your ass, too, a light wet spot beginning to form at the point where his dick grinded against his pants. 

"So good for us, shit- makin' me sweat for this pussy...come on sweetheart, lemme show you how good you can feel" Geto's husky and smooth voice was almost lost on your ears, your mind torn between focusing on Gojo behind you, or the way you could feel every vein and bump and how deliciously they were rubbing right against your walls. 

You nodded dumbly, not bothering to ask what he meant and just wanting this to get better. Geto's smile grew wider at your eagerness, shifting his hand to squeeze at the flesh of your ass before lifting your hips up, your upper half falling back against Gojo's chest and making your tummy squish against itself.

Gojo let out a low groan at how much your pussy stretched around Geto, a thin ring of cream beginning to form around the base of his dick and sticking to the thin hairs decorating his lower stomach. "Make her cum, Satoru, want you to watch her squirt" Geto said, his tone breathless as he spread his thighs apart. 

"Don't tell me what to do, Suguru" Gojo mocked, a cheeky smile finding its way to his lips when Geto gave him an unamused stare. Geto's eyes fell back onto where the two of you met, biting his lip and blowing out a breath before reeling his hips back, a loud slap of skin echoing through the room as he thrusted back into you. 

You yelped as he squeezed your ass again, yanking your hips forward to meet his thrusts, sweat starting to form over your body from the heat between Geto and Gojo. Gojo, who was bringing you quicker and quicker to orgasm with his lithe fingers rubbing expert circles around your clit while pumping his leaking cock inside his pants, and Geto, who was fucking you so deep and making your breath catch so much that you could feel yourself getting dizzy. 

You could feel yourself growing tense, your orgasm feeling so close yet so far as Geto's cock was taking over any conscious thought you could hope to have. "That’s right, take this fucking dick, like you're made to-" He grunted out, feeling your pussy tighten sporadically.

"You close baby? Shit- Yeah you are, pussy's trying to keep me in... Cum for me, make a fucking mess for us-" Geto egged on, hips angling up to aim his thrusts against your g-spot. You gasped and moaned loudly, feeling the tightness in your belly finally break as your orgasm flooded your senses entirely. You whined and squeaked helplessly as your pussy throbbed harshly, wave after wave of pleasure consuming you as neither Geto's hips nor Gojo's fingers slowed or stopped. You couldn't even try to muffle yourself, your arms shaking too hard against Gojo's thighs as you came around Geto. 

Gojo's orgasm seemed to come almost immediately after yours started to simmer down, his eyes locking with the growing mess on Geto's stomach and the drips of cum falling down his balls to the bed sheets underneath you two. 

"Fuck yes, take his fucking cock baby, oh my g-god yes-" Gojo sloppily stammered, the orgasm making his body fold into itself as his cum covered his hand. Your eyes began to roll back into your skull from how expertly they were seeming to break you down, your pussy feeling looser and impossibly wetter to Geto.

 "Keep moaning, princess, say my fucking name- Just like that, make me cum inside this pussy" Sweat was forming and dripping down his brow from the strain it took to keep going, his abs clenching and his thighs tensing as his hips moved at a quick and hard pace. Gojo, mercifully, stopped his onslaught on your clit and instead let his hand travel downwards to where Geto was fucking you. 

His fingers collected some of your cum and wetness mixed together, using it as lube to stroke the now bulging vein that sat underneath of Geto's cock. "Cum inside her, make her know who's pussy this is, Suguru-" Gojo was almost pleading from his tone, still reeling from the orgasm he gave himself and how his cock was half hard already from your loud moans and whimpers. 

Geto could barely make another buck into you before he came, hard, inside you. His hips came slamming down into you as rope after rope of cum emptied inside you, your body slowly coming back to reality and focusing on the warmth filling you. You could feel the way his balls emptied below your hole, where they rested as Geto sloppily rode out his orgasm, twitching and thrusting himself as deep as possible inside your welcoming pussy, before pulling out slowly.

You whimpered breathily as you felt the veins of his cock dragging out against your sensitive walls, weakly tightening around his softening cock. “Come on baby, don’ be greedy..” Geto spoke, low and smooth as he rubbed his thumb across your cheek gently. Two other hands came to wrap around your middle as you relaxed against Geto's hand, your stomach and waist being caressed tenderly. “Did so well, sweetheart, so proud of you..” Geto praised, kissing your temple as you smiled warmly up at him.

“..C'n we do this more often?” You asked quietly, Gojo giggling into your shoulder as Geto paused to consider your request. “If you're willing to go back on what you said about me, then of course.” You scoffed and pushed at his chest lightly in retaliation. “Absolutely not.” 

[from-the-clouds]

bad liars (savior complex ii) - joel miller x f!reader

part one | masterlist | song inspo |

Baby, you're a vampire You want blood and I promised...

summary: It's been a month since Joel has last seen you, fully healed since your last interaction. But you haven't spoken...at all. Your radio silence becomes cause for concern when he hears about an outbreak of Infected at the hospital where you work. There's enough explanation in this part that you could read it on it's own, probably, but I'd highly recommend reading part one first to get the full experience. pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 7.9k warnings: SMUT - 18+ ONLY, minors DNI. (porn w/ plot, unprotected sex, oral, rough sex, dirty talk, praise kink, age gap. dom/sub dynamics.) Heavy angst, multiple POVs, implied drug abuse, alcohol use, canon-typical suffering! Blood mention. Both reader/Joel are insanely emotionally unavailable, and love to lie to themselves and each other! (please dm for specifics if you have any questions). a/n: Ya'll loved savior complex and I'm so happy! Literally don't think I've had a fic get that many notes before, i had so many requests for a part two and because it felt like i left things open-ended enough, this came to me pretty easily! It might be the horniest thing I've ever written and also very angsty (what's new?)....but I think you'll like the ending <3 Special to @ay0nha for letting me yell at you about my writing and to @zbeez-outlet for the wonderful idea.

Joel exhales and runs his fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair – the tips of which were frozen together from standing outside for so long. It had gotten cold out. Very cold. Boston always did this time of year, and because of it, people stayed in, and crime in the QZ dropped, making it a safer place - though that wasn’t saying much. 

Of course, the cold didn’t stop him from dealing. It did make his job a hell of a lot more difficult, since FEDRA was bored, out looking for trouble, and didn’t have more pressing matters to attend to. Although today, he must’ve been in luck, because the only sign of FEDRA had been helicopters and tanks that were clearly on a mission, driving to the opposite side of the QZ. Good, he had thought. A distraction. 

Joel leans back against the brick wall of the alleyway, pulling the hood of his jacket up over his ears, stares at the ice in the cracks of the pavement. When he hears the crunch of gravel underfoot, he straightens.

The man approaching looks nervously over his shoulder, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his flimsy sweatshirt. Dave, a customer of his for some time. 

“You’re late,” Joel doesn’t bother with a proper greeting.

“I know, I know, I got held up on my way here,” Dave answers, immediately beginning his excuse. “They cleared out the hospital because of an outbreak, that whole area was locked down so I had to take the long way.”

“Outbreak?” Joel tilts his head.

“Infected. I guess a bunch of hospital staff got bit. FEDRA had to go in and put them all down.” 

Joel feels a distant pang of concern somewhere in the back of his head. “How many?”

Dave shrugs, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t know, man, that’s all I know. It’s not like they’ll ever tell anyone what actually happened.”

Joel can’t help but think of you. He knows a couple people who work at the hospital, most of them through smuggling, but you’re the only one who he’s really able to bring to mind at the moment.

“So, can we, uh…”

Joel pulls the plastic baggie out from his pockets, fishing out the pills. On his end, Dave produces a wad of credits, his shoulders sagging in relief once they’ve made the trade and the drugs are in his hand. He takes one immediately, shoves the rest in his pocket. “Thanks man, I’ll see you next week?”

Leaning back against the wall, he nods, and watches his customer disappear down the alleyway. 

The second Dave is out of sight, Joel’s chest tightens, and he takes a deep breath. There’s no reason why news of Infected at the hospital should concern him. If FEDRA had been called in – they would’ve gunned down anything that moved until it was under control. He knew, better than anyone, that they would do unspeakable things in the name of keeping order. Innocent people probably died, but the dead can’t get infected.

It had been about a month since Joel had last seen you, after he’d gotten beaten within an inch of his life and ended up on your doorstep, and you were the only person that could help. It hadn’t gone at all how he expected it would – at the end of the day, he had been surprised by your tenderness. 

Still, despite that you’d let him take you on the edge of your bed, legs wrapped around him, bouncing on his cock, he wouldn’t really say that it changed anything about your relationship. He had actually been kind of afraid that it would, that your attitude towards him would shift to something more amicable.

But you hadn’t spoken to him in a month. Joel had told you he owed you one after you stitched him up, and had anticipated that you’d take him up on his offer pretty quickly. There were so many things he could do for you to make your situation better. Maybe you’d need credits…. Medicine…. Food…. Booze… Pills, something, but you haven’t reached out. You could just be biding your time until you really need the favor.

Still, the radio silence takes him aback. He should be relieved that you aren’t talking to him. But nothing? Even if it’s not about a favor…he wants some kind of confirmation that you’d both made a mistake. After all that, did you really expect nothing from him?

It dawns on him there’s now a chance you’ll never speak to him again, because you’re one of the ones that FEDRA killed. Or worse….you had gotten bit. 

Joel passes by the hospital, taking the long way home. Everything is locked down, taped off. There’s a crowd around the place – family members, he assumes, pleading with FEDRA agents for information and getting nothing in return.

“Go home. I’m sure they’ll turn up,” he hears one of them say to a weeping woman. It’s useless to ask for an honest answer, for one of them to actually care. 

Joel could go home. He could crush a couple pills, snort them, and quell the burn with a couple drinks. He could fall into restless sleep and wake up the next day as he always did, go about his business as usual. Survive. One day at a time. 

Would he ever get confirmation that you’re alive? Because at this rate, he’s not sure he’ll ever know either way. 

The feeling is going to linger. He hates it. Were you gone? If you are, he can handle knowing. Its somehow worse not to. 

He tries to justify it to himself. You’re one of his solid connections to the hospital, you’d traded with him for medical supplies before. This is business, really, if he thinks about it that way. If you’re dead, he and Tess need to find someone else to work with. 

Joel decides to take a detour on the way back to his place.

It’s past curfew when he arrives at your apartment, the sun has long since dipped below the horizon and with that comes an even harsher cold. Boston winters, he thinks to himself. If he is capable of missing anything, he’d say he missed Texas. Before all this, the last place he’d be caught dead was on the East Coast. 

Joel raps on your front door. He forgets how shitty your building is, that you sleep here alone every night, listening to your neighbors arguing through the thin walls, shady characters slinking out of shadows in the dimly-lit hallway,

A few seconds pass. When he hears nothing behind your door, he knocks again, a little louder. 

More time passes. He knocks again, louder. Maybe you didn’t hear him. 

Nothing. He does it again. Could you be asleep? His jaw clenches.

Still nothing, and Joel knocks even louder. Maybe you’re not even here, and you work nights, and he’s just missed you as you head out for another shift. But he knows that’s unlikely. Since he’s known you, you’ve never worked nights. So where the fuck were you?

Joel’s pounds on your door, yells your name into its chipping paint. He listens for something, anything, on the other side, and there’s nothing, absolutely nothing, but he keeps going The side of his fist starts to hurt, but he can’t stop himself. He doesn’t even realize what he’s doing until he hears one of your neighbors yelling from the end of the hallway. 

‘Shut the fuck up!’

Joel doesn’t hear exactly where the voice comes from, but it’s enough to snap him out of it. He halts his movements, his forehead falling against hollow wood, and in the silence, hears his heart pounding in his ears. 

“Fuck!” he kicks the wall just outside the frame of your door so hard the drywall gives, leaving a hole behind. “Fuck.”

He stares at the result of his outburst for an undetermined amount of time. You were all alone. To his knowledge, you had no immediate family to inform. Who would be around to remember you? He’d never really know for sure what had happened. 

“Joel?”

He looks up, his hands still clenched tightly into fists. When he sees that it’s you, standing at the end of the hallway, they loosen. 

You look horrible - haggard, tired, your hair tangled and matted. As you move closer to him, he doesn’t miss the way your shoulders are hunched underneath the weight of your backpack. But once you’re standing in front of him, you straighten, lift your chin. 

“What is this?” you ask. “What are you doing here?”

There’s no animosity in your tone, he thinks. You might be trying to put some in there, but you don’t have the energy to do so, so it just comes out sounding very flat.

Joel realizes, suddenly, that he doesn’t have a reason. A real reason that wouldn’t….give him away. He puts his hands on his hips, thinks desperately. You do nothing to help.

When he settles in silence, offers you nothing, you just sigh and shake your head. Your teeth are chattering, lips cracked from the cold, and you seem desperate to get into shelter, twisting your key into your lock and opening the front door. Once you step inside, you flick on the lights. He follows you, closes the door behind you both, and locks it.

“Oh, yeah, come on in, I guess,” you say over your shoulder. 

Joel crosses his arms, standing in your kitchen. 

“What, am I in trouble or something?” you ask. “Because if I am, you’re gonna have to wait until I’ve showered.”

“It can wait,” Joel says, and sits at one of your kitchen chairs. 

You shrug off of your backpack and leave it on a chair, then unbutton your coat, tossing it on top. Joel swallows hard when he sees the damage it’s been hiding. Your scrubs are dirty, tattered in some places, one of the sleeves hanging, partially ripped off. And they’re covered in dried blood. It’s smeared on your arms, on the back of your neck. Not yours, he hopes. 

What the fuck happened to you? You don’t turn to see his reaction, don’t look over your shoulder to see if he’s going to ask about it. It’s almost like he’s not even there, and you clearly wish he isn’t. 

He realizes then, that he has the confirmation he’s looking for. You made it out alive. He doesn’t actually need anything else from you. And you’ve given him a perfect out. He can leave while you’re in the shower. 

But he doesn’t. Not when he hears the shower start, or the screech of the curtain across the metal rod, the sound of water hitting the basin. He stays there, motionless, until you duck out of the bathroom with your arms wrapped around yourself, wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, hair damp and teeth chattering. 

You pad with bare feet onto the tiled area of the kitchen, brushing past him. 

“What the fuck happened to you?” he asks. 

You finally look at him, like you’re surprised he spoke up, or even asked the question. A choked, bitter laugh leaves you, and you shift your attention away from him, reaching into your cabinet for a bottle of bourbon. “Pass.”

You pour yourself a whiskey, and Joel watches you throw it back in one go, your nose scrunching up, your hand clasping into a fist as you take the shot. The taste doesn’t stop you from pouring another drink and gulping that one down, too, without as much of a reaction as the first. It’s only when you start pouring the third that he intervenes, standing and crossing the room to cover the glass with his hand before you can grab it. 

“Slow down,” he says.

“I know you’re not telling me what to do in my own home.” Your mouth opens as you look up at him, incredulous. 

Joel looks past you, shakes his head. He supposes your right, but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch the self-destructive behavior, which is funny considering how often he engages in it himself. He gives in, removes his hand from your glass. “At least…pour me one. You shouldn’t drink alone.”

Your expression softens slightly, and he’s able to see all the pain you’re hiding, just for a flash, before you turn to retrieve a second glass from your cabinet. 

Once you hand him the whiskey, he sits in the middle of the tiny loveseat you’ve got in your front room, expecting you to sit in the armchair across from it. Instead, you approach with your own drink, nudge his knee with your own, and Joel slides over to make room so you can fall onto the couch beside him. Much closer than he’d expected. 

It’s surprisingly good bourbon, and he wonders how many times you’d wasted it by downing it like you just had, instead of taking your time, savoring. He waits for you to get settled before he speaks again.

“What happened to you?” he tries once more, a little softer this time. 

There’s some contemplation on your end, you look at him for a moment, then at your glass, then back up at him again. He can almost see you trying to figure out how much you’re going to share, but he wants to know everything.

“There was an accident at the hospital,” you answer, finally. 

Joel slings his arm over the back of the couch, angles his body towards where you’re curled up, legs tucked underneath you. I’m listening.

Your voice stays even, blase. “A guard at the border broke protocol…and someone who was infected was brought in. By the time we realized, it was too late….”

“Were you hurt?” 

“Almost.” you say. “I mean, yes, actually, I’m a little scratched up, but…it’s not as bad as it could’ve been.”

Your teeth start chattering again. Joel wonders if it’s because of the cold, or your nerves. Figures it’s probably both.

“My coworker turned and I uhm….I had to…” you say into your glass, your free hand flexing like it’s trying to shake off some unpleasant muscle memory. “I had no choice.”

“I understand,” For whatever reason, he spares you from telling the story. To him, taking down Infected was nothing. But to you…“What else?” he presses.

You shrug, avoiding his eyes, one of your arms coming to grip at your opposite shoulder. “I can’t really remember. A bunch of people died. FEDRA came in and just started gunning everything down….” you shook your head, and straightened up.

“I heard about that,” Joel offers.

“Wait…you knew about this?”

“Yeah.”

“So then why are you here, asking m-” the rest of your sentence drops off, your lips parted slightly. The look on your face shifts, slowly. Your eyes narrow. Remorse turns into something more neutral, then into curiosity. “Oh my god….you were worried about me.”

“No.”

“Yes, you fucking were,” your lips curl slightly, it’s not quite a smile, but it’s something close to amusement. 

“No,” Joel defends himself. “I wanted to hear what happened from someone–”

“No you didn’t,” you interject, but he raises his voice to finish his thought.

“–who actually works there, not FEDRA’s propaganda.”

“No you did not. You’re checking up on me. You came over here after curfew to see if I was–”

“Enough,” Joel growls with enough conviction that it shuts you up, and he’s grateful, but its not enough to wipe the self-satisfied look on your face, because it doesn’t.

“What are we, like, friends now?”

He doesn’t answer, and slugs back the rest of his whiskey.

“Or would that be too much for you?” You don’t wait long for him to give you an answer, probably because you know he won’t respond. “I mean, if we’re both being honest–” He definitely wasn’t being honest. “–Today was really fucked up.”

You’re leaning forward now, some of the space between you is gone. And though you’re trying to give the impression that you’re unphased by everything, your hand is clenched tightly around your glass, and you avoid his eyes. It’s painful to watch you resist the urge to trust him. Not that he’s ever given you a good enough reason to – he knows he doesn’t deserve it, but he wants it anyways.

“It’s funny…” you say after a while. “I remember thinking that I didn’t want to die. At least… not like that. I’ve never felt that before…That’s something, isn’t it?” you ask him. 

Joel looks at you, and is surprised at the vulnerability in your expression, sees you looking for some kind of validation from him. “....It is.” 

You finish off your drink, and put the empty glass on the coffee table, shift closer to him.

“It looks like you healed up okay,” you say, after a spell. “How’s your shoulder?”

“A little sore, nothing I can’t handle.”

“Did you take those antibiotics?”

“Yes.”

“Good. And I can’t even tell you had a black eye.”

“I’m fine,” Joel asserts. 

Another shiver wracks your body, and he can tell this one is actually from the chill – your apartment is cold as fuck, it even is starting to bother him. 

“Don’t you have a heater?”

“Kinda,” you glance over at the radiator in the corner. “Sometimes it works.”

“What do you do when it’s colder than this?” It was only November, things would only get worse. 

You shrug. “I don’t know….just be colder, I guess.”

Joel imagines you curled up in your bed alone, wrapped in a thin comforter, shaking in front of him like you are now. He winces. 

“How long are you going to stay?” you ask, changing the subject.

“I should probably go now.”

You nod, scoot closer. “But maybe…” you trail off, contemplating. 

Joel sits up straighter, prompting you when you don’t speak again. “Maybe what?”

“Maybe you could stick around for a little while longer.” There’s a warm hand, yours, that lands on his thigh, and he recoils like you’ve touched him with a fire iron. He rises to his feet. 

“Hey,” you stand along with him, step in front of him to block the pathway to the door. He could easily get past you, obviously, but it’s not as simple as that. 

Of course he’s fucking thought about what happened the last time he was here – his arms around your waist, his mouth on your neck, your chest, your hands on his shoulders, whining his name. A freak accident, a glitch in the matrix, a statistically improbable thing. 

“What?” he asks as you step forward, the fingers on your free hand sliding into the belt loops of his pants. He feels blood rush to his cheeks, to other places. And you’re still fucking shivering. You look so fucking miserable, he wants to yell at you to put on a coat, to wrap yourself in a blanket, in his arms. 

“Joel,” you say his name softly, tilting your head up, leaning close. And then your hand is on the side of his face, and he realizes you’re fucking pleading with him. He knows what you want, but he has a feeling this isn’t just about sex. You’re looking for comfort, as if he’s capable of giving it. 

“We made a mistake…once,” he tells you. “We’re not going to make it again.”

He says it to hurt you, but it doesn’t work. It’s like you knew it was coming all along. “I knew what I was doing,” you answer, earnest. “Didn’t you?”

Yes. You glance down at his hands, which are squeezed into fists so tightly, his knuckles are white. If he’s not rigid, he’s not sure how he’ll be able to resist. He wants you. God, he wants you. He never thought he’d be able to have you again. 

“I could help you loosen up.”

Joel’s walking on the edge of a one-thousand foot cliff and hoping his foot slips. He wants to surrender. The only thing he thinks might save him is to say the meanest thing he can. Maybe you’d get turned off.

“Listen to yourself,” he says, finding the strength to meet your eyes. “You want me so bad, you sound pathetic.”

“Asshole,” you step closer, your mouth twitches, your lips are inches apart. “Do you think I care what you think about me?”

Joel realizes his plan has backfired. But he really only has himself to blame, he should’ve known better. With you, he’s never in as much control as he wants to be, and deep down, he likes it. 

“Go lie down on the bed.”

It’s the only thing that seems to shock you. “What?” 

“I won’t ask you again,” Joel steps backwards, crosses his arms. “Go lie down.” 

──────

If you told yourself a couple months ago that one day you’d find yourself pinned down by Joel Miller, you’d think it’d be because he was about to kill you. Maybe because you cheated him out of something, maybe because you did something else to piss him off – it didn’t really matter. Regardless of how fucked up it was, that idea would seem more dignified than what was happening now. 

Your back is being pressed deeper into the lumpy old mattress, and he’s on you. His mouth is warm, hot, wet, and dragging down your neck, nipping, sucking, licking. Your hands are itching to reach out, to skate down his torso, trace along his jawline, tug at his hair, but you can’t because he’s got them pinned above you with only one of his own. Anytime you try to fight him, his grip only grows stronger. 

It was shameful, really, but you had asked for this – begged for it, basically. There were a number of reasons why – one of which was to blow off some steam after a near death experience, the other because you’d fucked him before and it had been good, much to your dismay. There was also a third reason that you weren’t interested in acknowledging now. 

After the night Joel had gotten jumped, and you’d taken care of him, everything has changed. It’s a cliche, but true. You’d known what you were doing when it happened, and had no regrets. But it was probably not supposed to happen again, and you tried to keep it that way, more for his sake than anyone else’s. But….he was the one who showed up tonight after he’d heard what had happened. It wasn’t nothing.

Joel pulls away from you so abruptly that you gasp, shivering in the wake of his impossible warmth. 

“Sit up,” he instructs, and you turn to find him at the end of the bed, arms crossed. 

You obey, mostly just for the view. You hope to admire him, fresh from kissing you – flush skin, wet lips, tousled hair. Only he’s frustratingly stoic, unsullied – like he hadn’t been touching you at all. 

“Look at me,” he says, and you do. 

“This doesn’t mean anything.”

“It’s nothing,” you agree. 

“I won’t be gentle.”

“I don’t want you to be gentle.”

“Good,” you watch his shoulders loosen, just a little, and he takes one step backwards, his eyes tracing down your body and then back up. “Strip for me….” 

You aren’t dressed sexy at all, you remember, a sweatshirt and sweatpants. If you had thought this through a little more, you might’ve tried to make it nicer for him. “....Okay.”

“Start with your shirt,” he says, and you grab at the hem, but he snaps at you. “Ah-ah….slower.”

You swallow, nod, and carefully lift the fabric, dragging it up over your stomach, over the swell of your breasts, revealing your tight, thin white tank top. 

“That’s it, nice and slow.” 

Joel’s voice is soft but stern, a low rasp that makes your cunt clench around nothing, and he’s not even touching you. The sweatshirt is pulled over your head, falling somewhere on the crumpled bedspread. 

Languidly, you lean back, shifting your weight to get off the mattress, and Joel palms himself through his jeans. You can see where he’s straining against the denim, and you find it hard to tear your gaze away as you go to pull off your sweatpants. Joel stops you again. 

“Turn around.”

You do, and you’re sure he has a nice view of your ass as you slide them over your hips, bending over to let the fleece pool around your ankles. Slowly, you rise back up, looking at him over your shoulder for approval. 

“Good girl,” he murmurs. Your stomach flips. A month ago, you would’ve done anything to get him to stay away from you, and now, you’re terrified to disappoint him. 

That’s the problem. You’d spent most of the day fighting for your life — literally. But even after standing behind a barricade of heavily-armed FEDRA soldiers outside the hospital, you didn’t feel as safe as you did when you saw Joel at your door. You need him. For now, at least.

“Now the shirt,” he tilts his head towards the mattress, nodding encouragingly.

You get back on the bed, sitting back on your heels, and begin to pull the tank top up. It’s your last layer up top, you’re not wearing a bra, and you’re feeling a little vulnerable with him just watching you, fully clothed and composed, your gaze falling down to look at the threadbare linens. 

“Eyes up,” he instructs. “Look at me.”

Taking in a shaky inhale, you do. It’s not easy. Everything about him looks dark, animalistic. A coiled ball of energy, waiting to pounce.

But, even when you’re bare before him, he doesn’t. 

“Lie back, close your eyes.”

Of course, you don’t refuse, settling your head against the pillows. 

There’s a sound of a belt – his belt, unbuckling, the snap of a button, the dip of the bed where he kneels when he comes to hover over you. Two hands land on top of your thighs, pressing the backs against his denim-clad knees, thumbs pushing your legs further apart. 

And then…nothing. He’s still. He’s still for so long, that you actually think that something’s wrong. When you open your eyes, you’re met with a view of the underside of his jaw. You can just make out the pinched expression he’s wearing as he looks down upon you. Disdain, maybe…but it’s not meant for you, it’s for someone else….him.

“Joel,” you murmur. Instinctually, you reach for his hand.

The second it makes contact, he smacks your hand away so hard your whole body jolts. “I told you to close your eyes.”

“Sorry,” you mumble quickly, closing them again. 

You are well aware that he’s actively working through shit, probably doing some kind of mental gymnastics to rationalize why it’s okay to fuck you again, which, when you really think about it is kind of….pathetic. It’s the only thing that makes you feel any sort of power in a situation where you’ll surrender everything else. It’s a fair exchange. 

Maybe, on a different day, you would want it softer. You’d like to think he’s capable of that, even though he seems determined he isn’t. Luckily, you don’t want it softer. After today, you want to be so far gone you can’t think. 

Joel answers by leaning down and catching you in a bruising kiss. Finally. You press yourself against him cause you’re freezing and he’s so warm, and you frantically begin to unbutton the flannel he’s wearing, making it about halfway down before he pins your hands above you again.

“Slow down.”

You whine, a little frustrated because all you want to do is touch him. The fingers on his free hand hook around the elastic of your underwear, and he starts to drag them over the curve of your ass. 

He’s got to be joking with how deliberately he’s moving, anticipation only building underneath his featherlight touches.

When he’s got your panties around your ankles, you slide your legs together so he can pull them off entirely, keeping them closed as his weight shifts, and your thighs are pulled back apart.

“You’re already so wet for me,” he doesn’t need to feel you to see it clear as day, with you spread open in front of him. “So fucking desperate.”

He’s all-but glaring at you, like you’ve done something wrong, and for a minute, your eyes flick away, just for a second of relief from the tension.

“What, are you embarrassed?” he asks. 

“N-no,” you stammer, though it was supposed to sound confident. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t press you, his head dipping down to press his lips to your knee, then an inch higher, then an inch higher, then higher – keeping his eyes locked on yours the whole time, an arm winding around your thigh.

“I wanted to do this last time.” A confession. 

“Yeah?” you sigh, trembling. It’s maybe the nicest thing he’s said to you, but you can’t even acknowledge it, because you’re buzzing.

He turns his face, his beard scraping along sensitive skin. “Mhm,” his deep rasp vibrates directly to your cunt, and when his head dips down, you close your eyes – it might just be better to focus on only one sensation at a time, you’re not sure you can handle seeing what he’s about to do.

Joel’s mouth is on you the second you do, and you gasp. He licks up the seam of your lips, mouth latching around your clit, swirling with his tongue, and back down – firm, determined, practiced. You try to buck up, but he has an arm locked around your hips. 

He removes himself from you just enough to utter two words. “Stay still.”

You want to protest, but you realize that he’s let go of your hands, and it gives you the opportunity to thread your fingers into his hair, while you dig your heels into the broad expanse of his back, and he groans, tongue curling into you. 

“I’ve thought about this,” you gasp, answering his earlier admission.

“When?”

“At night. More than once.”

“Fuck,” Joel growls, and you wheeze when he works one finger into you, forcing you to take it along with his next words. “You know how fuckin’ bad that is? Dreamin’ about a man nearly twice your age?”

“I d-don’t care, I want you anyway. Y-you can do whatever you want to me,” It’s too early to be past the point of speaking coherently, it really is, but you’re already there. 

“F-fuck,” Joel repeats himself, and pushes another finger inside you next to the first, the stretch almost uncomfortable, but quickly fading to pleasure. “I’m going to.”

You’re not the going to tell him, though, that he’s the first man whose ever gone down on you, because you’re a little fucking scared for some reason. It’s intimate, very intimate, more than you expected. 

The truth is, you weren’t actually very experienced at all. You could count on one hand the number of partners you’d had, and still not use all of your fingers. While some of them were good enough, they all paled in comparison to Joel. There had never been anyone like Joel. 

His fingers curl as his tongue swirls around your clit and you cry out, inhale sharply. Minute by minute, you’re getting wetter and wetter – can hear yourself with each twist of his fingers inside you, bearing down on him. 

“You taste so fuckin’ good,” he grunts, and your eyes flutter open just for a second, just to see his forehead, dark eyes staring back at you, and his hips dipping, rutting against the mattress. God he’s getting himself off to this. As hot as it is, the thought of not getting to feel him inside you causes a rush of anger. 

“F-feels so good,” you’re right there, already, and it’s pitiful.

“I know, baby, I know,” he says. “You’re already so close, aren’t you?”

Instead of answering, you just nod, gasping. Joel works you right up to the precipice, hands tightening in his hair, hips lifting off the bed – and then he slows a little –  just enough – to pull you back off the edge, and you let out a humiliating sob.

“Shhh!” he hisses with his mouth still on you, resuming the steady pace he had going. A little sigh of relief when you feel your release approaching again. He just lost his rhythm for a moment, it was nothing.

Again, he’s got you right there, you’re so close, hips jerking, breathing in short, sharp pants, something molten working its way up your spine. “Joel, that’s it, please I-”

He falters again – just enough. And it’s gone again.

You realize, with dismay, that he knows exactly what he’s doing. He hadn’t lost his rhythm. He’s doing this on purpose. 

If someone asked – not that anyone would – you wouldn’t be able to recall how long he keeps you in that state, being dragged and dangled, but denied the privilege of falling. It’s torture. 

And at first, you try to be patient. You figure he’ll grow tired, desperate, and eventually want to move on. But apparently, he doesn’t want to move on. He’s content to keep you this way for as long as he sees fit, and you can’t handle it any longer. It’s starting to hurt.

“Please, Joel, let me-” you gasp.

“Let you what?” he pulls back from you, frustratingly too soon, once again.

“Let me come, please, I’ll do anything, I’ll be good, please, please-”

“Just a little longer,” he dismisses you.

All you can do is pant and writhe, completely at his mercy. He keeps going like that, and you’ve stopped trying to filter yourself, the sounds he makes as he laves at you are obscene, you can see yourself glistening on his chin, and can feel the sheets damp beneath you. At this point, he’s enjoying this more than you are.

“Joel,” you plead with him again. “It’s too much, I c-can’t. Just, please I really need-”

“You wanna come for me, baby?” he asks. You nod ferociously. 

“Yes, please, please,” 

“You’re so fucking sweet when you beg, you know that? ” he murmurs. “Wish you were like this all the time.”

“Fuck off,” you manage, feeling heat rise to your cheeks. You should do this to me more often. 

Joel chuckles, and it vibrates just right, his fingers curling again and you moan, hands tightening in his hair. He’s focused now, you can tell because the constant stream of filth he’s been whispering has finally stopped. He’s persistent.

You’re unable to stay quiet, continuing to whimper just like that and please don’t stop over and over. And then all at once, every muscle in your body grows tense and you cry out, cunt pulsing around him so tightly that his fingers slow. “There you go, pretty girl, that’s it.” 

You whisper his name as he continues to fuck his fingers into you, riding you through your orgasm and licking up the mess you’ve made. 

At some point in the aftermath, Joel withdraws from you, and you hear the sting of his zipper. It takes a moment, but you’re able to see him through heavily lidded eyes, kneeling in front of you with his shirt unbuttoned all the way, pants around his ankles, jerking himself slowly in his hand. God he’s fucking huge, how had you forgotten about that? He’s a vision, beard still wet with you, looking down, watching your chest rise and fall. In that moment you realize two things. One, even though you’ve already come, you somehow want him even more than you had before, and two, you’ve never wanted to suck a dick so bad in your life. 

So you sit up, crawl towards him, and reach out with one hand to take him in your palm. He lets you, sighing, closing down his eyes. First, you have to kiss him, so you rise to your knees, and he pulls you into his arms, one of them winding around your waist, the other coming to rest at the small of your back. “You take such good care of me,” you whisper. 

He grimaces at the words like they’re an insult. You expect him to retaliate, to tell you that you shouldn’t say that sort of thing, but he never does. So you kiss him, gently, bringing your free hand to the side of his face. Once again, he lets you, and you taste yourself when his tongue presses into you mouth. You run your thumb over the head of his cock, and he hums against your touch, almost contentedly.

You’re doing whatever you want to him, and you’re shocked he hasn’t put a stop to it. It could be satisfying enough, you think, just to keep kissing him like this. Still, you sink back towards the bed to test things further. You’re about to wrap your mouth around him, but he pulls you off by your hair, so quickly, so hard that you yelp.

“No.” he says firmly. “Lie back.”

“But I just wanted to-”  

“No.” 

You consider trying to reason with him, but decide it won’t be worth whatever he’d do if you continue to argue.

Joel braces himself with one hand above your shoulder, the other wrapped around his cock, slowly teasing you by rubbing himself up and down a few times, before he gives in, finally pushing into you.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasp at the stretch, reaching out grasp at his bicep, arching your back. He’d prepped you, and it was still too much. 

“You can take it,” he says, pressing deeper into you. His hips are all the way flush with yours, he’s to the hilt, and he still snaps them even further, once, holding you there, so deep, you feel like you’re choking on him. “See? There you go.”

It seems like you can’t quite catch your breath, and you squirm underneath him for some kind of friction, some kind of relief from how intense it all is. You can feel him throbbing inside you, feel how badly his own body is begging him to move, but he doesn’t. 

“Joel,” you cradle the back of his head, look him in the eyes. “Move, please.”

He doesn’t answer, he just brings his hand to grip your jaw, his thumb and forefinger pressing into the soft flesh of your cheeks. 

“Please?” you murmur again, and his thumb slips into your mouth, silencing you. You suck on it obediently, and after you do, he finally gives you what you want.

──────

Joel told you he wouldn’t be gentle, and he isn’t. 

He hadn’t been able to do this last time. Taste you, spread you open, fuck you properly. His hips snap against yours – ferociously, unrelenting, over and over. You’ve been going at it for awhile now, and he actually wants you to break. He wants you to tell him to slow down, to be a little more tender, not press into you so deep, so hard, so that if he listens, it wouldn’t mean he’s breaking his own promise. He’s got to be rough with you, because he’s afraid of what could happen if he’s not.

But you don’t break. You fucking take it, take him, each time, again and again, your nails digging into arms, your legs locked around his hips. Each time he delves into you, you’re getting wetter and wetter, and yet, you’re still so fucking tight. He doesn’t understand it. It’s been a long fucking time since he’s been with a woman like you – and you might be the best he’s ever had. 

You’re not even making any noise – you’re just panting, gasping in Joel’s ear as you cling to him, and that’s all. He can’t even look you in the eyes. If he does, he knows you’ll see everything that’s wrong with him, and still beg for him to give you more. 

Two hands land on either side of his face, turning his head so you can kiss him. Despite how he’s treating you, you keep trying to connect, to ground yourself. For as much as he wants to refuse, it feels too cruel to deny you. He lets you lock your lips with his own, feels your cunt clutch him even tighter. It’s impossible for you to kiss for more than a few seconds at a time without it getting broken up by a whimper here and there. You’re getting close again, he’s started to get better at recognizing it.

“You’re fucking so perfect on me, baby, you feel that?” he asks, and you nod, breathless. “Taking me so well, such a good fucking girl-”

A gasp from you cuts him off, your eyes squeezing shut as you are taken over by your climax. Joel groans and does everything he can not to come when you start pulsing around him, holding him closer, since there’s nothing else to do. It’s way too intimate…because it’s missionary, and he should’ve known better than to start off like this. 

Pulling out of you is the hardest thing he’s had to do in a while, and he ignores your noises of protest now that he’s left you empty. Then, he flips you onto your stomach. He takes a moment to admire the curve of your ass, how it dips into your waist….to him, your body is perfect, and you’re young, your skin still supple and smooth. There are still places he hasn’t gotten his mouth on, and it’s a shame, he thinks, but tonight his patience is wearing thin. Joel pulls you back until you’re on your knees, and slides back inside. There’s a little resistance, you whimper, but it’s easier than the first time. He wraps an arm around your waist, the other across your chest, and starts to jerk his hips upwards, into you. 

“Oh fuck, Joel,” you sigh in relief.

“I know, I know.”

You drop your head back until it falls against his shoulder, winding your arm back so you can pull at his hair, which kind of fucking hurts, but he likes it. 

Ultimately, you’re pretty easy to please, and it’s not long before he feels the telltale flutter of your walls as you drip down over him, soaking his lap. 

“You’re making a fucking mess, baby. You gonna come for me again?”

All you can do is plead with him. “I can’t, Joel. I can’t do it again, please just-”

“Yes, you can,” he interjects. “I know you can, baby, don’t worry…I’ll help you.”

“O-okay.’ 

He slows the roll of his hips just a little, focuses on deeper, longer strokes, and lets the hand that’s currently squeezing one of your tits fall to where your bodies are joined, finding your clit immediately.

You whine, arching back against him, the swell of your ass packed against his lower stomach. He sees a single tear leaking from the corner of your eye and feels a little guilty for what he’s doing to you. Only a little, though. 

Without any warning, for the third time, you’re coming around him – easier than the last time, like always – and he uses the feeling of you throbbing around him to chase his own release, his hand clapping over your mouth to muffle your moans as he becomes increasingly frantic. 

He turns his head, rakes his teeth along your exposed neck, and sinks them into your pulse point with a groan. Your breath is hot against him when you whimper in response. 

“Just a little more, honey.” He’s so close. You bob your head, though you’ve nearly gone limp in his arms.

Like last time, Joel knows it’s a bad idea, but he’s not going to pull out. The thought of deliberately coming inside you is actually what sends him over the edge, and he’s cursing and moaning your name. You whine at the feeling of him pulsing inside of you, arching back for more, even though he can tell you’re exhausted. 

It’s fucking freezing in your apartment, and yet, his skin is damp with sweat when he finally regains some awareness of his surroundings. He’s panting, you’re sniffling, a weak smile on your face as you catch your breath. Before he can stop himself, he presses his lips to your cheek. 

Joel tilts you both forward – very tentatively, keeping an arm wrapped around your waist. At some point, your hand settled over top of his, and you threaded your fingers between his own, holding his hand across your stomach. You keep it there, even after you’ve settled onto the bed.  

It takes a few minutes before either of you move, but it’s you who gives in first, wriggling out from where he’s got you trapped partially underneath him. 

You retreat to the bathroom, like you did last time. Somewhere during your coupling the linens have slid down the bed, and Joel settles back against the pillows, throwing an arm behind his head.  Now that he’s stopped sweating, he’s just cold, and he reaches to pull the bedspread over him. He should leave, he thinks, before you come out and ask him to. Beat you to the punch. Maybe while you’re still in the bathroom. 

A few minutes later, and you return from the bathroom, dressed again in sweats. He hears you pour yourself a glass of water, gulping it down. You flick off the lamp on your bedside table, and fall into bed next to him, lying rigidly on your back. He should reach out, pull you against him, let you settle in his arms. Instead, Joel rolls over on his side. 

It’s terrible how beautiful you are, he thinks, watching you stare up at the ceiling, hugging yourself. So beautiful, and fucking smart. You’re strong, too, but not as strong as he wishes you were. Of course, no one could ever be that strong.

He whispers your name. You turn your head, pupils still blown wide with lingering lust.

“You need to learn to defend yourself, to shoot a gun, to fight,” he says. “After today.”

“What?” you roll to face him. 

“You said you didn’t want to die,” Joel continues. “So you need to learn. ‘Case something like that happens again.”

“Oh yeah? Lemme guess, you’re gonna teach me?” your voice is a little hoarse after what he’d done to you, and you smirk at him.

“Yes.” It sobers you up, that he’s not fucking with you, or giving you a hard time. “I owe you, remember?” 

“You do.” 

“So…. I’ll teach you.” 

“....Okay.” 

“Alright.”

Joel rolls over to his opposite side, and you’re left staring at his back. Arms wrapped around 

himself in a tight hug, he waits for you to tell him to go.

You never do. 

Instead, he feels the heat of your body as you curl up against him, slotting one of your legs between his own. Your hand grazes up his ribs, over his bicep – a gentle, quick massage – before you tuck your arm underneath his own, your palm flat against his heart. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, frozen at how tender the embrace is. It’s a foreign feeling, he can’t remember the last time someone touched him like this. 

The tip of your nose hits the nape of his neck, and he can feel your shuddery exhale.

“I’m cold,” you say, like it’s obvious, lips brushing featherlight against his skin. “And if you’re staying, you might as well make yourself useful.”

He can’t roll over and wrap his arms around you. He can’t kiss your forehead or play with your hair or murmur into your ear. He can’t offer you anything in return. Joel decides, though, if he’s going to accept comfort from anyone, it’s going to be from you.

──────

taglist (basically if you asked for a pt 2 on the last part i tagged you): @bbyanarchist @dlwrish @imaginewrites24 @captain-yellow-96 @daisyintheskyewithdiamonds @sludgec0r33 @c0wb0ym3nace

[beanibon]

Big fan of the eriks/bakery reader and wondered if you could write like a part 2 of it where eriks and reader actually have sex it was so good ty!! absolutely great work

Absolutely! Again, I love eriks x reader short fics and will 100% indulge in them

TW: softdom!eriks, creampie, alien genitalia, sex with food, cockwarming, a sprinkle of angst, probably my most vanilla smutfic

~ Prequel ~ Part 1 ~

Eriks x Baker!Reader Part 2

Eriks watched you from his seat, finding it hard to divide his attention between Lina and eye fucking you. After he had you quivering around his face, struggling to talk calmly to your remaining customers, he couldn't stop craving more.

You plagued his thoughts, every night he'd dream of you wrapped around his cock, screaming his name. It drove him wild, like an animal in heat.

"Mr Eriks, you haven't ordered your usual." Eriks blinked, realisation that he was face to face with your breasts. He jumped back, sitting upright as he hid his blushing face.

"I'm sorry, just thought you had it downpacted by now." He covered up the throb in his pants by laughing obnoxiously, only to quieten at your stern look.

"Mr Eriks, you have ten different usuals at best, I can't guess which one you crave by the way you stare at me." Lina snorted, concealing her laughter as Eriks's face turned bright red.

Lowering his head in embarrassment, he mumbled out his order. You nodded, mockingly patting his head as you walked away. Just that small action had him wanting to throw your body over the counter, fucking you covered in sweets and whipped cream. Instead his head hit the small bakery table, inwardly groaning at his inner turmoil. He couldn't stand another second without you, he wanted to rub himself against you, tickling your beautifully soft, plush skin with his peach fuzz, the smell of your arousal like an intoxicating drug as he ploughed into your sex.

Eriks wasn't listening to Lina anymore, distracted by the way you laughed along with a familiar older couple, he remembered you mentioning they were your favourite regulars. Though try as he might, Eriks couldn't stop staring at your ass, more filth filled thoughts swarming his mind.

Eventually it became unbearable, he couldn't take how you actively ignored him yet swayed your hips just that tiny bit more, or bent down to pick up some 'clumsily' knocked over paper cups. Every action was filled with purpose, knowing that Eriks gaze burned into you, knowing that he was struggling to stay composed. So when he abruptly rose from his seat, a blushing, flustered mess, you smiled. . . Innocently.

And that's what made him snap.

Apologising profusely to the couple you were talking to, that he so rudely interrupted, Eriks rested his prickly chin on your shoulder. That pleading, longing sideways glance he gave you had you giggling, patting his hair.

"I'll close up early, wanna wait upstairs for me?" He nodded, pretending not to notice the way Lina's glare drilled holes along his spine.

You gave Eriks a quick kiss to cheek, returning to your conversation, now bubbling with praised coos at your display of affection. While slinking off behind the counter, Lina stormed towards him, if looks could kill he'd be burning in hell.

"When were you gonna tell me you and Y/N were a thing?" She demanded, hands slamming down on the counter.

"We're not really a thing Lina, I just help them on some occasions ya know." If only Eriks was a better liar, maybe he could've spared himself from his friend's fury.

"You're so full of shit, Eriks! Not a thing? Then why did they kiss you? Don't lie to me, or I'm taking away donut day!" Eriks couldn't help the whine, pouting as faux tears streamed down his face.

"Perhaps, just maaaaybe we are a thing." His voice was so quiet that Lina had to force him to repeat himself a few more times before she could understand.

"Was it really that hard to tell me? Just be back by morning, now shoo." Eriks couldn't contain his excitement, nodding so rapidly that his head looked as if it would fly off.

Lina just shook her head, yet she couldn't help the smile on her face. It had taken the dork weeks, hell months even, for him to gain enough courage to speak to you. Now he was able to openly display affection towards you, eagerly waving a hello the moment you're in sight.

He was like some lost puppy, sulking until he's presented with a treat. Now he's run off again, chasing that very person who'd treat him like he was their own personal ray of sunshine.

Your moans were as addictive as a sirens song, spilling from your bruised, drool coated lips. How his name rolled off your tongue, eliciting tingling sensations down to the pit of his gut.

Eriks released your swollen tit with a lewd, loud 'pop' of his lips, face messy with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Those beautiful eyes sparkled with clouded lust, staring at you with an adoring gaze.

"Taste...so good," he mumbled, a dopey smile on his face.

"That's because you insisted on covering me in whipped cream, chocolate and cherries." You chuckled, fingers tangled in those luscious blonde locks.

"Taste good without all that." His tongue lazily circled your perked nipple, the taste of chocolate seemed to infuse into your breasts.

Your lips parted, a soft gasp echoed through the quiet room. Finger nails dug into the scarred flesh of Eriks shoulders, back arched against him as he slowly rolled his hips, finally moving the cock buried deep within your warm folds.

Lapping up the last of the dessert that turned your body sticky with sugar, Eriks used his arm to hoist his body up. Starting of gentle and slow, his hips begun to thrust into you, stretching you around his cock. As if on cue your walls convulsed, clenching Eriks as he grunted.

"Mayfly, you gotten loosen up, you got me in a choke hold here." He whined, lips pressing themselves between your slightly bouncing tits.

You whined, the two of you weren't foreign to penetrative sex with each other, but everytime was still a struggle to adjust. Eriks genitals weren't normal and you were quick to discover that Eriks himself wasn't normal either, in more ways than one. So when it came to sex he was patient, allowing you all the time you need to relax against his foreign cock.

Finally releasing your death grip, Eriks sighed in relief, placing a ticklish kiss against your lips. Whispers of praise filled your ears, all of them melting that hard, mean exterior that you'd always put on around the blonde when on the clock. But in private? You'd turn into an absolute angel, one that captivated the heart of certain disguised gunman.

"Eriks," Those soft, bandaged hands brought him back from his trance, thumbs caressing his rough face. "I can't cock warm you all night."

Humming against those beautiful hands, the same hands he'd watch knead dough, or throw handfuls of flour at him. A few kisses placed against their palms, Eriks smiled down at you, eyes shining with something he could only describe as love.

With his arm now wrapped tightly around your hardy yet small frame, Eriks began thrusting once again, only this time more harder. He watched as you tilted your head back, mouth wide as sweet, sugery moans poured out. Those sounds were pure ecstasy, encouraging him to move at a faster pace.

Soft praises were murmured into your ear, with kisses pressed against your neck, teeth nibbling at your throat. Your clit throbbed as Eriks pelvis rubbed against it, feathers tickling against the nerve bud and your spread thighs.

That ball formed in the pit of your stomach began to ache, on the edge of bursting until movement pulled you from your sweet release. Eriks repositioned himself, turning you onto your side with a leg dangled over his shoulder. The new position allowed him to fuck you deeper, hitting that spot that had you arched until your joints ached.

Eriks chuckled, revelling in the sight of you quivering beneath him. You always looked so ethereal whatever the position be, voice singing his name like honey.

Only it wasn't his actual name.

"Vash."

Clouded eyes looked to him, confusion etching its way onto your blissed out features. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

"Please, call me Vash."

It felt so taboo, saying his actual name, but he wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear you say it.

Your calls of the name Eriks soon faded, willingly moaning his true name. You didn't question him, demand to know why the most wanted man had openly lied to you about his identity for one and half years. You simple complied.

That itself brought tears to Vash's eyes, hiding his face against the leg bent into the shoulder missing its arm. Tears began to soak your flesh, sniffles filling you with alarm as you hoisted your body up, leg dropping to wrap around his waist.

"Vash? What's wrong, why are you crying?" For the second time that night your hands held his face, forcing him with gentle yet firm force to look you in the eye. Those soft blue eyes were filled with tears, and for the first time since meeting the mysterious man that showed up out of nowhere, you saw just how tired Vash truly was.

Offering a smile, you placed several kisses upon his face, leaning against his forehead as he wept. The pace of his hips colliding with yours never stopped, slowing down slightly as you caressed his features with love and care. Each touch graced his scars, lips kissing every one that you could reach. Perhaps you were a little harsh to Vash every other day, but here and now you treated him as if he were a cracked, fragile vase.

"You're perfect Vash, I love you so much." You whispered, looking into those tired eyes once again.

Vash shook his head, sobbing. "You shouldn't, if I stick around too long you'll get hurt. People I care for, they'll always get hurt."

"It's a good thing you're stuck with me then, no matter what I'll always be here, to love you, to kiss your scars and to bake you the best donuts in town." A quiet laughter filled the room, Vash's pace faltering. "I'm yours as you are mine, Vash the Stampede."

Vash bit his lip, holding back a fresh wave of tears. With one final buck into your hips, both of you came, lips pressed together in a passionate kiss.

As new tears filled his eyes, Vash nuzzled into your neck, soft cries echoing off your thin walls. You allowed him to cry, leaning back so he was laying on top of you. You both stayed like that for about an hour, listening the Vash's cries as you quietly soothed his shuddering shoulders by whispering lovefilled words in his ear. He appreciated every word spoken, every comforting circle rubbed between his shoulder blades, you were too perfect for sinner like him and yet you chose to stay, even after finding out who he actually was.

"I mean it Vash, I'll always be here to love you and make sure you know that you are loved." His grip tightened around your waist, as if scared you'd vanish after saying those words.

Vash didn't speak much, mumbling out shaky 'thank yous' or 'I'm sorry'. Yet you didn't mind, laying there with the man you loved tangled in your arms, it was all so perfect. And as Vash's tears stopped, sobs turned into sleepy whimpers, you knew he'd cried himself to sleep.

You cradled him in your arms, tugging a blanket over your naked bodies as you gave him a final kiss on the crown of his head. Mumbling a final "I love you" you soon followed as you drifted into sweet embrace of your lover and sleep.

AAAAAH I finally completed it! This was so fun to write and of cause had to sprinkle a small pinch of angst, hope you all enjoyed!

[leigh-kay]

Tyler x reader where reader has actually been killing everyone as a Hyde and manipulated everyone into thinking it was Tyler. Tyler figures out it was really her and fucking rails her as revenge - @serrinaisdying (didnt know how to answer it twice lmfao) but here u go babe

.... i told u i was on it 🥂

Revenge is Best Served Rough | tyler galpin

SMUT OBVI

i am so fucking sorry for that cheesy ass title oh my god

warnings // mean!tyler, struggle for dominance lmao, dark!reader, dark!tyler, a teeny tiny smack across readers face, choking, missionary bc tyler likes to know you're looking at him as he fucks you, degrading, unprotected sex (would not reccomend), dirty talk (my fav), mention of past... encounters w xavier bc hes on my mind, p in v fr, spitting in readers mouth, biting

Her door slammed shut, causing her to jump, a gasp escaping her as she turned on her bed to acknowledge the sound.

Her eyes widened at what she saw.

"Tyler, aren't you supposed to be in a cell right about now?"

He tried his best not to laugh at her casual ask, "Not like you have any reason to fear me so why does it matter?"

"Wednesday says you're dangerous... That you're the one killing people." She scooted towards her headboard in an effort to put distance between them.

He smiled, "You're the prettiest little fucking liar there ever were."

The falsified fear in her eyes no longer lingered, her fingers releasing the grip she has on her duvet. The jig was fucking up.

"You think I'm pretty?" She grinned, patting at her bed, "Come sit, we clearly need to talk."

"Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"That happened before we even met, now don't be a rude guest. Sit down."

His arms crossed, but he sat. He refused to take his eyes off of her. Answers were in order.

"Why me?"

"You're mom of course. She was like me. You will be too. You havent been awoken yet. Your mother died but for some reason it didn't trigger you. You'll be transformed one day, and when you are, all that extra strength and anger and hunger will amplify and you'll be just like me. I blamed you because it made sense."

His eyes narrowed, "You blamed me for no good reason! I haven't done anything yet!"

"Yet. And I blamed you because you're young and clueless and weak."

Her head cracked the headboard as his hand grasped around her neck, closing her airways and leaving her choking on the air she couldn't call in. It made her stomach turn, and his head spin.

"You call that weak? Looks to me like you're in no position to speak." He laughed under his breath. Pun intended, he supposed.

Her own fingers twisted around his wrist, pressing her nails into his skin, cutting and digging. It called a hiss out of his teeth, but made him falter just enough to catch a breath as his grip loosened.

He was wild. Eyes black, hair messed and teeth bared. His lips were swollen, bitten to a raw point that she assumed was from Wednesdays torture methods just a few hours prior.

He looked like he wanted to rip her apart limb by limb and fuck, she hadn't been this turned on since her and Xavi snuck around secret library last semester.

"Oh? So the psycho bitch doesn't shut up unless she wants to be fucked then?"

He's closer to tranforming than she thought if he can smell her already.

She opened her mouth to speak, having his hand come across her cheek.

"Not one more word."

His hands groped at her, tearing away at her top as his lips attacked hers as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Kisses, bites, tore down her neck as she wrapped her legs around the backs of his thighs, tugging his already hard cock against her core, bucking against him. The groan he let out was enough to let her relax. He at least wouldn't be a real threat to her safety until after he finished.

She'd worry about that after he fucked her senseless then. Priorities.

"Why do you kill?" He worked off her jeans.

She laughed, "I'm not allowed to talk."

He halted his motions, grabbing her by the chin, "Open." She obeyed.

She always thought if someone spit in her mouth she'd hate it. She fought the shame off of the fact it was actually the hottest thing she'd ever experienced. She swallowed with a smile on her face.

"Now, if you can open your mouth to be a slut you can open it to talk." He glared down at her, thumb running over her cheek in a manner much too soft for the mood of their situation.

"I kill because it's fun." she grasped at his shoulders and forced her weight over, straddling him as he fell under her.

"I kill because it feels good," her own mouth found his collarbones, tugging the skin between her teeth and nipping just hard enough he whined, hips bucking involuntarily.

"And i kill because they taste of their fear is amazing," her tongue ran across his neck, "not as good as you taste though."

He lifted his hips to press against her center and her eyes fluttered as he repeated the motion, bringing his hands to her hips. He used all that extra strength to force her down against him and he didn't let up until she finally gasped and lost the straightened posture she'd taken on top of him.

Lost in the feel of him against her, she hadn't noticed when he grabbed at her wrists and rolled her right back under him. Not until he stopped his attack on her lower half.

She whined before she could stop herself.

"Tyler so help-" his mouth covered hers.

"Let's try the quiet route again, yeah?"

His fingers crept into her panties, pulling them down her legs as she wiggled under him. She was desperate for friction he refused to currently give her.

"You're unbelievable. Getting me arrested to letting me use you like a goddamn toy."

He bit his way up her thighs, onto her stomach, "and I meant it when I said you were a pretty liar."

He tugged her bra down, exposing her breasts to the cold of the room and to his view.

"I think it's just because I like seeing your mascara run when you cry. Even if it's fake, those little tears of yours are just so precious you know?"

His lips closed over her nipple, pulling, the warm contrast made her sigh. Her relief was short lived as his teeth began to tug at her.

"Fuck!" she squealed, hands finding his hair and tugging right back.

"Thought I said to shut the hell up?"

"Either fuck me or kill me Galpin, choose fast or I'm choosing for us."

His eyes rolled as he ripped his pants down, taking his cock in his hand as he leaned over her.

He was bigger than expected, and thicker too. Butterflies stormed her stomach as he eyed her, looking feral.

He entered her with a single quick thrust, fucking into her with ease.

He didn't go slow and he didn't care to. She was hardly complaining. The sting was unimaginable compared to the feel of him pulling at that spot inside of her that had her clawing at his back.

It made her eyes roll as his hand refound her neck, squeezing just enough to make her gasp.

"God you're such a slut. Squeezing down on me like you need it."

She couldn't force out a snarky reply. Not when she could feel him in her stomach. She thought she might die when she saw him pushing against her, the print just visible as he fucked her.

He could see the bruises forming from the bites he'd ravaged her with, and the sight of the red staining the cheek he'd struck and he hated to admit it made his blood warm like a fire.

"Faster," she cried, eyes watering at the brutality of each thrust.

He slowed, putting more weight behind each slow drag as he pressed a hand down where his cock pushed against her pelvis.

"Can't have you calling the shots," he teased, noting her annoyance at ignoring her request.

Her stomach clenched as she forced her walls in on him, making him whine against her neck.

"Keep that up and you won't cum at all."

She huffed, bucking her hips, "Please, I'll be good, I'll tell them all the truth, please!"

"You? Be good?" he pierced each word with a thrust hard enough to make her head spin.

"I promise!" she sobbed, feeling the tightening in her core as her legs shook around him.

"So pretty when you beg too, hmm?" He ran his fingers across her clit, feather light with each touch as he pounded into her like she was less of a person and more of a toy.

She fought to keep her eyes on him as he gazed down at her, a smile gracing his lips just as he pressed harder against the bundle of nerves keeping her in tact.

"Tyler!" she yelled, teeth tearing into her bottom lip as she let go.

She saw stars, moaning and crying as it crashed down on her. It drove him crazy to watch her fall apart, driving him to pump harder, fuck her through each and every wave as it hit her.

His own composure began to break as he felt the build start to break. His hands tightened around her waist, pressing hard into her as he came, head falling back as she seemed to suck out every last drop he forced out.

He fell to her side as they caught their breath, staring at the cieling.

Before she could fully calm down, her phone was held over her face.

"You promised."

[fullstcp]

"Speak Now (Taylor's Version)" Sentence Starters

MINE

"I was a flight risk with a fear of falling."

"Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts."

"Can you believe it?"

"Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?"

"You are the best thing that's ever been mine."

"There's a drawer of my things at your place."

"You say we'll never make my parents mistakes."

"We got nothing figured out."

"Braced myself for the goodbye, cause it's all I've ever known."

"You took me by surprise, you said, 'I'll never leave you alone'."

"Every time I look at you, it's like the first time."

"Do you believe it?"

"We're gonna make it now."

SPARKS FLY

"The way you move is like a full on rainstorm, and I'm a house of cards."

"You're the kind of reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know that I won't get far."

"Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain."

"Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain."

"I see sparks fly whenever you smile."

"Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around."

"My mind forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea."

"I'm on my guard for the rest of the world, but with you, I know it's no good."

"Just keep on keeping your eyes on me."

"It's just wrong enough to make it feel right."

"I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show."

BACK TO DECEMBER

"I'm so glad you made time to see me."

"How's life? Tell me, how's your family?"

"Your guard is up and I know why."

"The last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind."

"This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, 'I'm sorry for that night'."

"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine."

"These days, I haven't been sleeping."

"I watched you laughing from the passenger side."

"And realized I loved you in the fall."

"You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye."

"Maybe this is wishful thinking."

"Probably mindless dreaming."

"If we loved again, I swear I'd love you right."

"I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't."

SPEAK NOW

"This is surely not what you thought it would be."

"I lose myself in a daydream."

"Don't say yes, run away now."

"I'll meet you when you're out."

"Don't wait or say a single vow."

"You need to hear me out."

"Fond gestures are exchanged."

"I know you wish it was me."

"You wish it was me, don't you?"

DEAR JOHN

"Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you."

"You paint me like a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain."

"I lived in your chess game, but you change the rules every day."

"Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight."

"I see it all now that you're gone."

"Maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame."

"Or maybe it's you and your sick need to give love and take it away."

"You'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand."

"I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said, 'run as fast as you can'."

"I shoulda known."

"You are an expert at 'Sorry' and keeping lines blurry."

"Never impressed by me acing your tests."

"I took your matches before fire could catch me."

"I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town."

"You shoulda known."

MEAN

"You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me."

"You have knocked me off my feet again."

"You can take me down with just one single blow."

"But you don't know what you don't know."

"Someday, I'll be big enough that you can't hit me."

"All you're ever gonna be is mean."

"Why you gotta be so mean?"

"You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation."

"You have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them."

"I walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you."

"I just wanna feel okay again."

"All you are is mean. And a liar, and pathetic. And alone in life."

THE STORY OF US

"I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us."

"We met and the sparks flew instantly."

"I used to know my place was the spot next to you, now I'm searching the room for an empty seat."

"Lately I don't even know what page you're on."

"Miscommunications lead to fall out."

"So many things that I wish you knew."

"So many walls up, I can't break through."

"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking."'

"I'm dying to know, is it killing you like it's killing me?"

"I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down."

"The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now."

"How'd we end up this way?"

"You're doing your best to avoid me."

"You held your pride like you should've held me."

"I'm scared to see the ending."

"Why are we pretending this is nothing?"

"I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how."

"I've never heard silence quite this loud."

"This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less."

"I liked it better when you were on my side."

"The battle's in your hands now."

"The story of us might be ending soon."

NEVER GROW UP

"It's so quiet in the world tonight."

"You got nothing to regret."

"I'd give all I have, honey."

"I won't let nobody hurt you."

"Won't let no one break your heart."

"No one will desert you."

"I just realized everything I have is, someday, gonna be gone."

"Wish I'd never grown up."

"It could still be simple."

ENCHANTED

"There I was again tonight. Forcing laughter, faking smile."

"All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you."

"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go."

"I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home."

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew."

"Who do you love?"

"This night is flawless, don't you let it go."

"This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the storyline ends."

"My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again."

"Please, don't be in love with someone else."

"Please, don't have somebody waiting on you."

BETTER THAN REVENGE

"Time for a little revenge."

"I never saw it coming, I wouldn't have suspected it."

"I underestimated just who I was dealing with."

"There is nothing I do better than revenge."

"Think about what you did."

"Do you still feel like you know what you're doing?"

INNOCENT

"I guess you really did it this time. Left yourself in the war path."

"Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything and everybody believed in you?"

"It's alright, just wait and see you."

"Who you are is not where you've been."

"If only you had seen what you know now then."

"It's okay, life is a tough crowd."

"Who you are is not what you did."

"Every one of us has messed up, too."

"Minds change like the weather."

"Today is never too late to be brand new."

HAUNTED

"You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time."

"I can't trust anything now."

"Won't lose you again."

"Something's made your eyes go cold."

"Don't leave me like this."

"I thought I had you figured out."

"Something's gone terribly wrong."

"You're all I waned."

"Can't breathe whenever you're gone."

"I still mean every word I said to you."

"Something keeps me holding onto nothing."

"You can't be gone."

LAST KISS

"You told me you loved me, so why did you go away?"

"All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss."

"I never thought we'd have a last kiss."

"I never imagined it'd end like this."

"Your name, forever the name on my lips."

"I'm not much for dancing, but for you, I did."

"I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep."

"I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe."

"I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day, and something reminds you you wish you had stayed."

"You can plan for a change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind."

LONG LIVE

"Remember this moment."

"We were the kings and the queens."

"That night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same."

"You held your head like a hero on a history book page."

"It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age."

"Long live the walls we crashed through."

"Long live all the magic we made."

"One day, we will be remembered."

"And the cynics were outraged. Screaming, 'this is absurd'."

"Bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid."

"I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you."

"May these memories break our fall."

"I had the time of my life with you."

"And long, long live the look on your face."

OURS

"Strangers' silence makes me wanna take the stairs."

"But right now, my time is theirs."

"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves."

"They'll judge it like they know about me and you."

"The verdict comes from those with nothing else to do."

"The jury's out, but my choice is you."

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine."

"Life makes love look hard."

"This love is ours."

"You never know what people have up their sleeves."

"But I don't care, cause right now, you're mine."

"It's not theirs to speculate if it's wrong."

"Your hands are rough, but they are where mine belong."

"They can't take what's ours."

SUPERMAN

"I wonder if he/she/they know(s) how much I miss him/her/them."

"I always forget to tell you I love you."

"I love you forever."

"I'll be with you someday."

"You'll leave, got places to be, and I'll be okay."

"I loved you from the very first day."

"Don't forget about me."

"I'm far away, but I never let you go."

ELECTRIC TOUCH

"Just breathe, just relax, it'll be okay."

"I've got my money on things going badly."

"Got a history of stories ending sadly."

"All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life."

"I want you now, wanna need you forever."

"I'm trying hard not to look like I'm trying."

"Every time I tried hard for love, it fell apart."

"Maybe I call you mine."

WHEN EMMA FALLS IN LOVE

"She's/he's/they're the kind of book you can't put down."

"To tell you the truth, sometimes I wish I was her/him/them."

I CAN SEE YOU

"I've been watching you for ages."

"I spend my time trying not to feel it."

"What would you do if they never found us out?"

"We kept everything professional."

"Something's changed, it's something I like."

"Wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened yet."

"I could see you being my addiction."

"You can see me as a secret mission."

CASTLES CRUMBLING

"Now, I fear I have fallen from grace."

"I feel like my castle's crumbling down."

"You don't want to know me, I will just let you down."

"You don't wanna know me now."

"I held that grudge 'til it tore me apart."

"My foes and friends watch my reign end."

"i don't know how it could've ended this way."

"People look at me like I'm a monster."

"Now they're screaming that they hate me."

"Never wanted you to hate me."

FOOLISH ONE

"My cards are on the table, yours are in your hand."

"Chances are, tonight, you've already got plans."

"You give me just enough attention to keep my hopes too high."

"I will block out these voices of reason in my head."

"You are not the exception. You will never learn your lesson."

"Stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love that ain't never gonna come."

"I know how to act like I'm fine."

"I know I can't call you mine."

"How could I not see the signs?"

"Maybe I will finally learn my lesson."

TIMELESS

"Somehow, I know that you and I would've found each other."

"In another life, you still would've turned my head."

"You still would've been mine."

"We would've been timeless."

"I believe that we were supposed to find this."

"Even in a different life, you still would've been mine."

"Hundreds of years ago, they fell in love, like we did."

"It was like an age-old classic the first time that you saw me."

"Sometimes there's no proof, you just know."

"You're always gonna be mine."

"We really were timeless."

[talokanda-forever]

Ok, I know in advance this is going to sound petty as fuuuuuuck, but bear with me. I've taken a few days off from work and I think my brain is healing. Which means my mind is thinking about goofy shit. Strap in, folks.

Anyway, has anyone else been struck by just how much you see MER holding a saxaphone? I understand to some extent still photos that are clearly part of a photo shoot. However, I'm talking more about when she is being interviewed on Zoom or other media platforms. Does she end up playing it during those interviews? Or is it essentially just a prop? I feel like she's overcompensating. Like she's saying, I'm a saxaphonist, as you can clearly see because I'm holding this saxaphone. Which led me to wonder, since she is constantly being referred to as a saxophonist, does she have any music that she has released? Original music or covers? Or has she given live performances where she was the featured artist? I went on YT a while back to try to find videos of her actually playing and only found a couple of quick clips at events where it appears she was only on stage briefly. They definitely weren't her concerts. Even obscure artists have a good amount of their material on YT, but not MER. Which then got me to thinking, can this bruja actually play the saxaphone? I'm old enough to remember Mili Vanili winning a Grammy with their lip-synching asses, so I don't put anything past anybody. Again, I wouldn't believe her if she said the sky was blue.

Then, just a bit ago I saw the post below on Twitter. The "shitty sax playing comment" made me feel not so crazy in my train of thought. Her playing (if it truly is her) does sound amateurish--think 3rd chair sax in a high school band. So is she really a professional saxaphonist who earns a living with her playing, or just a rando chick who happens to be able to (kinda) play the saxaphone? We know she is a liar, so her running a con about her career as a musician would not surprise me at all. Well-established artists don't have their talent constantly linked to their name and aren't ALWAYS toting their fucking instrument around. Damn, even Prince didn't walk around with his guitar 24/7 and that man lived and breathed music. (Plus he would also have to lug around about 20 different instruments, but that's another story.)

@sarahivi and @luzsp9-1981 , your insight here would be appreciated. Not sure if referencing an artist's "talent" is something common in Mexican media? Also anything you may know about her career as a saxaphonist, pre- and post-attack would be helpful. Not completely sure if there are other Tenoch regulars here who are based in Mexico, but your input would be valued as well.

FYI, I haven't yet dug into the original Tweet that K was responding to.

@cutelatinagirl @cantstayawaycani @observers-journal @sarahivi @luzsp9-1981 @aolechan @oakzap425 @love-too-believe @soledadmiranda @venting402 @v4mpires0ap

[yanderemommabean]

There was a rush at work and it made me imagine an influx of patients into the hospital Lee works at and Lee coming in from his day off and when he finally has a moment to breathe he just exclaims “Whoever told me it was a slow day, your a fucking liar!”

You gently walk up to him, eyes filled with worry as he doesn't usually show how fed up he is. "Are you ok? What's wrong?"

Lee just looks at you with a puzzled expression, confused. "Hmm? Whatever do you mean love?"

"Well...You just came in screaming 'You're a fucking liar' and haven't even said hello to me first. Was it bad today? What do you need me to do?"

Oh, his precious sweet butterfly. You have a heart bigger than most, don't you? Did he scare you? Make you think he was angry at you? Forgive him! he's just exhausted is all!

"No no! Love it's fine, today was just a bit overwhelming is all. Though I suppose, as a hospital worker, you should never expect a day to be calm. Especially in a city as large as this one".

You give an awkward smile, as if you didn't believe him, and gently place your hand to his chest as you lean up to whisper in his ear. "You still seem tense...Let me help you relax. I'm almost done with dinner and laundry, you just sit back and relax ok?"

His hands are on your waist before you even finish, pulling you tight against him as he purrs deeply "Oh, my sweet little minx, being so dutiful for me...I should reward you. A good spouse deserves to be treated well, do they not?"

You flush pink for a moment, but smirk as you wrap your arms around his neck, stealing a kiss. "Hows about this- You let me take care of you, dinner, and laundry"

"But dearest!"

"I'm not done-" you interject "And if you finish your plate, and maybe do the dishes, I'll let you...you know...do that thing you've been wanting to try"

Lee's eyes dilate as he holds back the urge to jump you right then and there, all stress of the day forgotten as images of you flash through his mind at that promise. "Oh, don't tease me butterfly...Do you mean it? Oh tell me you mean it!"

You nod, kissing him again as he holds you against him again, hungry for more of you as you try to verbally affirm that you meant what you said.

It seems he might be too eager to wait for dinner to be made, but teasing him like this just adds to the fun! Plus instant gratification isn't a great thing all of the time, patience is a virtue even for a serial killer such as him.

You just hope you don't regret making this promise. The heat and danger behind those eyes when you told him he had all the control for tonight, it sent a shiver up your spine.

You suppose that's part of the fun too.

-Mommabean (Tell me what you think!)

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Kanetsugu Naoe (JP)

Sweet Love Training Part 1

One beautiful afternoon.

Today, I'm visiting the school to help Kanetsugu.

Boy: "Sensei, how do you read this?"

Kanetsugu: "It's gashinshoutan."

Kanetsugu: "It means enduring hardship to fulfill a goal, but the origin of this term is一"

(As usual, his teaching style is so precise and easy to understand.)

I know I shouldn't, but I'm tempted to watch him teach.

(No, Kanetsugu will "punish" me later.)

I hurriedly returned to organizing the letters.

This situation began yesterday when he had to deal with a visitor on behalf of Kenshin, who was on an expedition.

------------Flashback-----------

(He's been so busy these days that I haven't been able to see him much.)

As I was passing by the hall with such thoughts in my mind一

(Kanetsugu's voice?)

I happened to hear his voice coming through the door.

Kanetsugu: "You? But一"

(Huh? I feel like he's talking rather casually.)

(I wonder who and what he's talking about. I wish I could talk to him too.)

Missing him so much, I couldn't help but listen in.

Kanetsugu: "Mai?"

Mai: "!"

Suddenly, the door opened, and I met Kanetsugu's eyes.

Kanetsugu: "What are you doing here?"

Mai: "Um. Well, I'm just passing by."

Kanetsugu: "While leaning in the door like that?"

Mai: "The truth is, I heard your voice. I missed you, so I listened in."

Kanetsugu: "..............."

Kanetsugu: "I didn't ask you to answer that honestly."

Mai: "S-Sorry."

I sighed and hurriedly bowed my head.

(We haven't been able to talk recently, so I'm glad we could have this conversation.)

(I wonder if he'll be surprised again if I say something like that.)

Still, the happiness of seeing him made me relax.

(There is probably still a guest inside, but why did he come out of the room?)

(Did the meeting end early or something? If so, I wonder if we can be together after this.)

Kanetsugu: "Mai, you一"

As he was about to say something一

???: "Mai!"

I looked up when I heard a familiar voice and saw Keiji peeking out from behind Kanetsugu.

Mai: "Wait, so Keiji is the visitor?"

Keiji: "Yup! Someone else was supposed to be here, but there was a sudden change of plans!"

Kanetsugu: "Liar. You just wanted to surprise Mai and me, so you didn't tell us."

Keiji: "Kanetsugu, if you know what's going on, don't tell everyone.”

Kanetsugu: "It's my policy not to waste my time worrying about things like that."

The lighthearted banter between them was that of two good friends.

(I see. Because he was dealing with Keiji, his tone of voice was more relaxed than usual.)

The two, who haven't seen each other for a long time, are as friendly as ever, and the smile on their faces warm my heart.

Keiji: "What are you smiling at, Mai?"

Mai: "Hehe, Kanetsugu looks so lively when he's with you."

Mai: "When the person you love looks happy, it makes you happy, too."

Kanetsugu: "----!"

Keiji: "Heh."

Keiji: "You're right! I'm glad to see you guys are getting along."

Kanetsugu: "That's enough, Keiji."

He said this quietly and stood in front of Keiji, his beautiful wisteria eyes reflecting mine.

Kanetsugu: "Mai, I opened the door because I was about to ask the maid for tea. Sorry, but our discussion is still going on."

Mai: "I see."

I couldn't help but be disappointed, hoping that today would be the day we could spend some quality time together.

Mai: "Then, I'll go get the tea!"

Kanetsugu: "!"

(I can help him and see him again later. It's like killing two birds with one stone.)

I quickly turned on my heel and went to make a pot of tea.

Kanetsugu: *sigh*

Keiji: "You can't just ignore her, huh? Kanetsugu."

Kanetsugu: "Shut up, don't make fun of me."

That night一

Kanetsugu: "Mai, show some restraint."

Mai: "Restraint?"

I blinked when Kanetsugu, returning from a bath, said that to me.

Kanetsugu: "You were smiling while saying you were happy to see me having fun."

Mai: "Really?"

Kanetsugu: "Yeah. From the moment our eyes met, you were smiling like a goofball."

(Ugh, I didn't notice it.)

I was so happy to be able to talk to him that I think I lost control of my expression during the conversation.

Kanetsugu: "Sorry for making you feel lonely, but still, your face shows too much."

Kanetsugu: "Even when you delivered the tea, you were like a dog that took a thrown stick and came back."

(Dog!?)

Back then, I was carrying the tea, thinking, 'I want more attention,' so I couldn't say anything back to him.

Mai: "I apologize for my lack of discipline."

Kanetsugu: "I see. That's a good way to put it."

(It looks like he's convinced.)

(From now on, I'll be a little more careful with my words, actions, and facial expressions.)

As I was thinking that一

Kanetsugu: "This is a good opportunity for me to discipline you."

Mai: "What?"

The unheard-of statement was met with a disarming response.

Mai: "What do you mean?"

Kanetsugu: "It means exactly what it says. I'm going to teach you so that you won't have to show your emotions any more than you do now."

(What kind of talk is this!?)

Kanetsugu: "It would be good to train you not to show your emotions in the future."

Mai: "You just said that."

I'm not confident I can do it well, remembering that even before we became lovers, he had told me repeatedly, but to no avail.

Perhaps sensing my concern, he let out a small sigh.

Kanetsugu: "I'm not saying you shouldn't smile in public."

Kanetsugu: "But put yourself in my shoes. What do you think will I feel if I saw other men looking at my lover's smile?”

(Does that mean he's一!?)

Mai: "Are you jealous?"

Kanetsugu: "................"

He remained silent, his eyes like the surface of a winter lake shot through me.

(He's not denying it.)

(He really doesn't like it when other people see me smiling.)

My heart clenched at the passion hidden in his wisteria-colored eyes.

Kanetsugu: "Sorry for being selfish. Just forget about it."

Mai: "Nope! I'm happy about your feelings that I'm about to cry."

Kanetsugu: "Idiot."

Mai: ".................."

(It's not fair for him to smirk like that.)

Mai: "Kanetsugu-san, I've decided. Please train me not to show my feelings on my face!"

Kanetsugu: "But that's not what you really want."

Mai: "That's not true. It's a good opportunity for me to reflect on how much I show my emotions."

(Besides, it's not my intention to make my lover jealous.)

Mai: "I know you're busy, but I'd appreciate it if you could help me."

When I said this and bowed my head, Kanetsugu paused for a moment and一

Kanetsugu: "Okay."

Kanetsugu: "If you're sure about this, we'll get started right away."

Mai: "Yes, sensei!"

Kanetsugu: "Don't call me that."

Kanetsugu: "Anyway, I'm going to bed for now."

With that, Kanetsugu plopped down on the edge of the futon.

Mai: "Kanetsugu-san? Why are you sleeping there?"

Kanetsugu: "I think we should sleep at a distance from each other tonight."

Mai: "Why!?"

Kanetsugu: "I told you we would start right away. It's part of your training."

Mai: "But we're alone right now."

Kanetsugu: "You're easily distracted when you're not careful, so you should learn to be aware of this habit from time to time."

Mai: "That may be true, but..."

Perhaps reading my expression that I'm not convinced, he ponders for a moment and then speaks up.

Kanetsugu: "Then how about I give you a reward for being patient?"

Mai: "Reward?"

I lifted my head, feeling motivated.

Kanetsugu: "That face. Do you want something?"

Mai: "Yes, I want you."

Kanetsugu: "I'm asking about the reward."

Mai: "I know. But you're my reward."

Mai: "If I can hold back showing it on my face, let me touch you."

Kanetsugu: "Sly fox."

His softened eyes made my heart flutter.

Kanetsugu: "Then, if you show your thoughts on your face, I won't touch you at all."

Mai: "Not at all!?"

Kanetsugu: "Discipline comes with punishment."

(I hate the idea of not being touched. I have to really work hard at this!)

With renewed determination, I gently pulled his sleeve.

Mai: "Well, I'm going to start working hard tomorrow, so please exempt me from training for today."

Mai: "Please? Sensei?"

Kanetsugu: ".............."

Kanetsugu: *sigh*

Kanetsugu: "A little bit is okay, I guess."

Mai: "Oh."

Next Part

[twogeeseinatrenchcoat]

Spiritfarer Rant (It's Long)

Yeah. It's what the title says. I've been playing Spiritfarer a lot more recently, just wanted to share some shit my brain thought of. As a reminder, this is random shit I think of as I'm writing it and essentially rambling. Take all of my game analysis with a grain of salt. That said, play the game and be absolutely destroyed emotionally by the frog uncle.

(Putting the tldr here so people don't have to scroll)

Tldr: Spiritfarer is an excellent game that you should absolutely play. It pays attention to detail, has amazing characters and storylines, and is never boring for more than a few minutes (in my experience).

Holy shit this game is good. If you haven't played it yet (and don't mind getting absolutely destroyed emotionally by a cozy game) absolutely recommend. Absolutely. Play it. And face the consequences dear god this game is sad.

And that's coming from a person who is just so emotionally detached to media. I cannot remember the last time I cried over a book. (it was years ago, I remember exactly, I'm just a liar. Long story short, Xan from She Who Drank the Moon) The only spirits I cried over were Gwen and Stanley. (I think I cried over Stanley? Not sure.) But if the standard of the game is "I only cried twice playing this," you know that's sad. And honestly, It's kinda expected, what else can you really expect with a game about ferring spirits to their death while simultaneously being their therapist and friend?

But it's done so well. So well. I think this concept is so hard to pull off, and to pull it off to the degree that Spiritfarer does is insane. The attention to detail, the meticulous story-crafting, the way they made sure that every single character gets a backstory---even Stella's (the player) backstory is played out so well.

MINOR SPOILERS

Like, who came up with the genius idea of her sister coming on board and them traveling around and going through a photo album of Stella's life? Give that person a raise. And the way that the backstory isn't even revealed until relatively late in the game? I loved that. It's not thrown in your face, it plays out at your pace, and the whole shit with the owl and Lily and just ahhhh I loved it! Play the game.

SPOILERS OVER

Also, the way the game is interesting even when you aren't actively doing anything? There's almost always something to do. If there isn't, they give you something to do. You can always redo your boat design to eliminate those gaps again. You can always build more farms, you can always fish more, you can always do more.

And yes, it could get repetitive after a while, but they have quests! They have so many different and unique storylines for each spirit! And there's unique houses and flowers and likes and dislikes and preferences and personalities and gifts and emotions and moods and they even have different fucking hug animations! It's not just "oh there are people on the boat but they're just kinda there." NO. They are present at all times!

You'll be flying by and see someone call out to you. You'll be on your way to grab some crops and Beverly will give you some fireglow and tell you to make something spicy for her! You go onto an island and you see Atul picking berries! You go talk to Gustav, give him some food because he's hungry, hug him, talk to him and he gives you a vase! They are present, at every moment. Even with a large ship, an endgame ship with only a few spirits on it, it still feels full because you talk to them. You interact with them. You give them food---and you better not give Buck milk, because he's lactose intolerant, or Bruce and Mickey, well anything aside from junk food really, or Elana fine dining food---and you talk with them, and you share moments with them, you bond with them, and then suddenly they're gone.

Suddenly they're asking to be taken to the Everdoor because their time has come and you're devastated. Because now the character that you've spent so much time talking with, bonding with, enjoying talking to and interacting with, whoever it may be, is gone. And holy shit if that isn't one of the best representations of grief and loss that I've ever fucking seen I don't know what is. This game knows what it is, it knows what it wants to do, and it does it so fucking well. It lets you bond with these spirits, let's you get to care about them, learn their backstories, see how it affects them, how they change, and then you have to lead them to the afterlife, where you'll never see them again.

When playing the game, it really feels like every single detail is thought out, planned, cared about. The islands are amazing, the scenery is beautiful, have I mentioned the art style? It's amazing. I think the only game that could really beat it in terms of stunning art is Gris, but Gris belongs in a fucking museum sooooooo...

One big reason that I stopped playing Animal Crossing was because I felt like I was progressing too slow, wasn't getting enough done, or there wasn't enough to do. (Not saying Animal Crossing isn't a great game, just that it's not for me) Spiritfarer never has that problem. If a character storyline isn't progressing, work on another one! Stuck making a material? Move onto another project. Have too much time on your hands because your boat moves too slow? Gather more materials, talk with the spirits, make sure to stock up on their favourite foods so they're happy, or even take a break. There's never much of a lull, and while there are moments---mainly when sailing between islands---in which you can be bored, log off! Or just wait it out, it's never really more than a few minutes. For every quest that wants you to go somewhere and do something, there'll probably be one that wants you to make something: make a house, upgrade a house, make a production building, make this or that for one of Francis's errands, the list goes on.

And if you ever get bored with the main quests, or they're too complicated, or you can't find something (Henry the Acetate, I'm looking at you) (but I googled it for that), then there's civilian errands! You can do shit for the people in the towns if you want. Deliver records to these places, go through this mine, deliver a letter from Hummingberg to Nordsee. One of my favourite pastimes is cooking. I don't know why, but I just love cooking in this game. So, I've been trying to completionist it. (I won't, I'll give up 3/4 the way through and call it good enough) But even so, it just goes to show. There's really never a long period with something to do. The game stroked just the right balance between giving you things to do and giving you free time to do what you want.

I think I should end it here before this gets too much longer. But yeah! That's pretty much all of my thoughts on Spiritfarer. (Not really, but all of the ones for now) Amazing game, 5/5, absolutely recommend.

[booboodaddysblog]

First kiss

Colin sits on his comfort armchair in his office at the police station, resting, closes his eyes and breathes deeply.... when suddenly he hears his name. He doesn't even have to open his eyes, because he knows who is interrupting his rest…

Roberta: Colin! You're a bad influence on me! We need to talk! Now!

Colin: Really? Now? Can't you see I'm on a break?

Roberta: Yes now! I don't have time! Please don't piss me off!

Colin: Alright, why am I a bad influence on you? What did I do? I'm innocent, as always

Roberta: You did a lot of things! But at the same time you are so handsome, with this fucking smirk of your face! Please stop!

Colin: Could it be that someone missed me?

Roberta: Yes! It could be, I'm honest! I'm not as you, a liar!

Colin: Me a liar? I don't know anything about this?

Roberta: Yes, a liar! You know what I'm talking about, but you're acting false! Do you remember what you did last time you were drunk? Do you need me to remind you?

Colin: I have so many cases on my mind that I don't remember what I did a week ago! A little respect, please! If I hurt anyone, I'm very sorry, if I haven't already apologized!

Roberta: Here comes the victim! You remember everything and don't act as you lost your memory, my love!

Colin: You mean that girl I talked to last weekend? Or maybe playing with your feelings? I've already apologized for that several times! What else is wrong?

Roberta: You are terribly unpleasant and I don't know whether to slap you or kiss you!

Colin: I’m unkind because I apologized and we still have a problem?

You can kiss me first and slap me, or vice versa! I like both options

Roberta: First I'll give you a spanking and then a kiss! I'm going to do it and you don't stop me, as long as James doesn't find out about it! Please keep it to yourself! I'm not a betrayer, I'm just addicted to love!

Colin: I don't know. You complain that I played on your feelings, and now you want to play on mine? To kiss and slap me? Oh and even spanking? You are starting to mess with my head! Again! But we can try these kisses, it could be interesting

Roberta: I play the same cards! And honestly my head is a mess from the first day I saw you! Now shut up and let me take what I want!

Colin: OMG! I guess we need to argue more often! Admit it, you had felt like kissing me from a long time? Am I right?

Roberta: We always argue! And for that question, what about you? I can answer that I made the first step, so…

Colin: Every argument can end in a nice reconciliation! I really like that you took the first step! Can I get more?

Roberta: I feel stupid but I can't say no!

Colin: Now I think I'm going crazy!

Roberta: Earth calls Detective Colin! Over!

Colin: I'm still here! Yeah… honestly, I’m very happy that you are here with me. You complain terribly, but I can get used to it

Roberta: Colin, you're not helping me at all!

Colin: Relax, breathe... just don't waste all the oxygen

Roberta: Don't make fun of me.. or you are going to regret!

Colin: Not nice to threaten someone like that

Roberta: You're not such a saint at all!

Colin: I finally heard something smart today!

Roberta: Excuse me very much, but do you think I'm stupid? Ok, the argument continues.... better come up with an apology quickly before I slap you in the face!

Colin: Pardon? No, I’m not at all saying that you are stupid! Where did you get such an idea! You are smart and wonderful and your kisses are amazing, they take my breath away!

Roberta: Haha, you are so funny! You can say the whole second part of what you said louder, but the first part doesn't convince me at all! I think my kisses should be less breathtaking

Colin: I think I've fallen into the swamp up to my ears again! I need to start thinking before I say something!

Roberta: Yes, you should! You'd better be a good boy, because the only thing will left to us is to argue and better forget about kissing!

Colin: Yes, from now on I will think before I say something! Thinking first then speaking! I've already coded it in my head!

Roberta: Perfect! But don't worry I can always find something to argue about!

Colin: Maybe it's better to keep quiet, because I say too many unnecessary things

Roberta: Yes, but in the end I like you as you are! One more kiss and I’ve to go!

Colin: Oh wow! It was so unexpected! Hope to see you again soon!

Roberta: Maybe tomorrow, if James lets me leave the hotel

Colin: He doesn't have much say in the matter. You aren’t his bird in a golden cage. You have the right to go out whenever you want

Roberta: Oh my God, one more kiss and I'll be drunk! You know James is very jealous and loves to have me with him. I would remind you that I love him too, but you're right, I need freedom!

Colin: I know you love him and it hurts that I’m not your first choice. Somehow I have to get over it. See you soon

——————————————————🩶—————————————————

And then they met in a bar…

@robnovetre @team-evan-peters @spill-the-t @yes-divine-ruler @my-own-walker @frankenkyle19 @taintandviolent @undeadcortez @innocent-writers-soul @paulinepaul @silverzoomies @divineruler @thewolveswithin @evannppeters @evan4ever @evanspresso @evanpeterswhoresblog @zipzapzabel

[irenethewoman]

Mrs. Shelby - Chapter 15 - Cozy

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@vanhelsingsbigtoe

London, March 1922 Tommy called me when he got back to Birmingham. He said that although he was beaten, it was nothing serious and I didn’t need to worry… I held the phone and rolled my eyes. Believe it or not, you are a big liar. I muttered in my mind. We two fools always like to hide our true situation in front of each other, report good things but not bad things, and then continue to talk in silence Pay for each other.

"I may have found Polly's son, Tommy." I looked at the piece of paper in my hand. This was the Senate President I sponsored to help me. Got it. "Unfortunately, I haven't found Polly's daughter yet, I guess, um…she…but I'll keep looking of. " I held Tommy's arm and walked down the country road. "We haven't walked together like this for a long time." I sighed. I'm feeling suffocated in London these days. "here It looks good. We can buy a house in the countryside to retire in the future. "

"I have to buy another manor. You don't know. Turner Manor is in Yorkshire. It's as cold as a ghost house in the winter. I'll watch the cows." The house in Jin is pretty good. Imagine that, Tommy! Living in the countryside, not far from the city, the air is fresh and life is comfortable. Has its own flower field and horse farm. In the spring we can ride horses through the flowers. Not only can I ride a horse, I can also ride a horse. As for hunting, I can take our children hunting…" Tommy just listened seriously as I chattered about my wonderful ideas for the future.

I just leaned against the fence in the back and watched Tommy negotiate with the boy's foster mother and listened to his nonsense. He is the person responsible for the agency in the Birdsley parish of Birmingham City Council. The adoptive mother, Mrs. Johnson, must have loved the child very much and treated him like her own son. If it weren't for Polly, I couldn't bear to separate the mother and son. But this kid at least has the right to know the truth, right? But I couldn't help but wince when I heard Mrs. Johnson say that Polly smoked opium and tortured and beat her son. eyebrow. I can understand her feelings, but if she really said that to this child, it would be really vicious.

Mothers love their children, and most of them spoil their children - my brother ended up being the one with De Xing and me. It cannot be said that his mother's doting on him in his early years was completely irrelevant. We had been discussing for too long outside the yard, and Mrs. Johnson’s panicked look also caught the boy’s attention, and he turned to me.

They come over. "Your real name is Michael Gray, and your biological mother wants to meet you. Her address is written on the back of this business card. She wants to talk to you. " The boy looked first at Tommy and then at me, with the look of a boy who had just graduated from Cambridge and entered the London social scene. My head is blue, just like the look in Tommy's eyes when they saw me for the first time. I have seen this kind of stunning look too many times. But it seems a little different…

His eyes slid from my face to my ordinary clothes, and finally landed on my hands. The rich and powerful in London know that Turner The baroness's favorite jewelry is the ocean blue diamond ring given to her by her fiancé Thomas Shelby, which she will never leave. 6 carats The aquamarine is dazzling and dazzling under the embellishment of diamonds. I think the kid has made plans. When I got home, I sat on the sofa in a daze. This boy will definitely identify his biological mother - because of Tommy's clothes today and the car and the diamond on my hand. Precepts can prove to him the wealth level of this new family. But what if he knows what we do? Can he still accept his biological mother? If you accept it again For what reason? If it was because of money, wouldn't it be even more terrifying… "I'm in a daze again." Tommy always liked to just wrap a towel around his waist after taking a shower. He stood behind me with his bare chest and kissed my neck son. This makes me feel very itchy, but he always said that my neck is as graceful as a swan - "It is a piece of art." Taste, dear. "He said while kissing me at the time. "I wanted him to accept Polly, but I didn't want him to." I looked up, trying to get support and recognition from Tommy's eyes. "It's human nature to yearn for better living conditions." Tommy tried to comfort me, but I always felt that Twist. But I don't want to speak anymore. While Tommy didn't draw any conclusions, we all knew Michael was going to return to Polly. The matter is settled. I didn't want my words to drive a wedge between Tommy and his new cousin. Big deal I'll just pay more attention in the future.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never had to worry about food and clothing since I was a child, but I couldn’t understand that boy’s straightforward and passionate desire for fancy cars and fancy clothes. he I have certainly never experienced hunger or abuse in this home. As long as the residents of Birmingham have his living conditions, they also Not going to be a prostitute, a gangster, or go on strike. Tommy sensed that I was feeling down and used himself to please me. I lay under him obediently, following his movements Breathing and emotional. "I miss you……" "Me too, Tommy…"

But actually he didn't have to do that. I will continue to support every decision he makes. He is my fiancé, the man I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. We will have quarrels and conflicts, but love binds us together and we will always be one. We want to meet Supporting each other throughout life. Afterwards, we lay together and talked about politics as usual. "I wrote to Mr. Churchill," he said, before There was a cigarette stuffed in his mouth. I took the cigarette away from his mouth and stared blankly at the thing in my hand.

To be honest, I kind of want to blame him for killing him first and telling him later. For the greater good, now I have to stay with Churchill A neutral attitude with Tommy won't help Tommy much, but at least it will allow me to maintain my current political status. This will prevent me from losing my right to speak in London in the future. "What's wrong?" He hugged me, turned over, and faced me. "Tommy, you can't trust anyone. Whether it's Mr. Campbell or Mr. Churchill, especially Churchill, he's a Politician, Tommy. I spent the first fifteen years of my life surrounded by politicians, I still support them, I care about them Too understanding. " I was a little incoherent and wanted to explain it to him as soon as possible, but the more I talked, the less I understood. "They're a bunch of people… You can't believe any of the promises and benefits they give, you know, you've got to be on your toes all the time.

You are nothing in their eyes, just a knife that can be replaced at any time. As long as they think you are disobedient, Or if you know too much about dealing with them, they will get rid of you without hesitation. Kill the donkey, you know? Borrow the knife, huh, huh…" Tommy silenced my chattering mouth with a kiss. "I know, honey." Our foreheads touched. Although I didn't say it explicitly, I felt that his blue eyes saw my concerns, and then he didn't blame me. Generous and gentle.

But his understanding only made me feel uncomfortable and blamed myself. I separated from him and returned to London in order to be able to help him more; now that I am a baroness, I can do nothing to help him. What he can do for him is not as much as Liz Stark. I could only stay in London, watching Tommy's shoulder The burden is getting heavier. I don’t know much about the mission Churchill assigned Tommy, but he did so for different reasons. They all clearly didn't want me to know. Arthur's emotions are in trouble again. How can such a person control the overall situation? return

There is Polly’s son and daughter, and I should have been the one to tell Polly about these things… But now, apart from my body, what else can I use to prove my love for him… "I love you, Tommy, I love you…" "You will never be dispensable, Diana. You will be Mrs. Shelby. I never love you because You are useful. "Half asleep and half awake, I heard Tommy whispering in my ear. My eyelids were so sleepy that I couldn't open them. Now, I fall asleep quickly only in his arms… I turned over and arched into his arms. "I love you, Tommy…"

"2050 guineas? What did you buy?" Thomas Shelby never bargained, and this time he didn’t bring enough money to the auction house, so he directly filled in my address for credit. he There is no need to tell me in this way, I am very useful… I took out 2,200 pounds directly from the drawer. "With the remaining money, I will buy some news. Is there anything else interesting today?" A mysterious lady bids for Tommy, and Sabi's men want to assassinate Tommy but are beaten to a bloody pulp by Arthur. I took out another 300 pounds and pushed it to the people at the auction together with the previous coins. "Please send someone to kill that assassin.

Send him to Scotland Yard, saying he attempted to assassinate Baroness Turner's fiancé. Well… remember to send him to Green Prison. One hundred pounds is the management fee, and the rest is your extra income. Please come to my house as compensation. " The child arranged by Tommy was brutally killed by Sabi's people in Green Prison, and then Tommy arranged to shave the child. The knife gang members went to jail. This happens to be a good opportunity for revenge. I am a very vengeful person. I still remember that

That night Sabi's men pointed their guns at me. I also remember that I seemed to have said that I would exchange Sabi's fingers for Tommy's. Ya… this time it was his subordinates, next time it will be his turn. "Cut off his little finger. Which hand? Cut off whichever hand he uses to hold a gun." "Why?" I sneered into the phone, "Sir, if this person ever broke into your house and pointed a gun at You, I'm afraid now it's not just as simple as cutting off your little finger. " Tommy's expansion plan is going very smoothly, his methods are clever and ruthless, and he can't find a single fault on the surface, but secretly he has me.

political umbrella. Sabiri could only send more people to monitor me, seeing me as a breakthrough to defeat Tommy. mouth. But whatever he did, Tommy came to London to spend more time with me, and sometimes he would bring John and the others to eat and drink. Drink, or entertain his other "friends." "Are you so eager to let them see Mrs. Shelby in advance?" I sat in front of the mirror, smiled and put on Jane's clothes. Bead earrings. "Who is our distinguished guest today, Mr. Shelby?" "Miss May Carleton." He played with my hair. "…Ha, another ignorant girl who was fascinated by Mr. Shelby?" I'm a little jealous. Good guy, Thomas actually invited people to his home.

Thomas accompanied me to a banquet half a month ago, and then Baroness Turner’s handsome fiancé became a Londoner. A celebrity in the social scene. Even if he is not a politician or a nobleman, those aristocratic ladies and young women think that He is just an ordinary young businessman, mysterious, handsome and generous. But these days, it smells like ink A bulging money bag is much more attractive than an old manor with a musty smell. Although the social season is over, the holidays If I break up with Tommy tonight, the lady who comes to sell her daughter to him early tomorrow morning will be able to break through his door. sa Billy should hire them. I felt like I had just eaten a big pot of freshly grown wild cherries. My heart felt sour and bitter, and I couldn't help but look at him sideways. Tommy came up behind me and put the diamond necklace around my neck. He pressed my shoulders and looked at me in the mirror I. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you in advance. Miss Carlton is very influential in the Jockey Club."

"No sex trade?" I looked back at him. "No sex trade, Mrs. Shelby." He leaned down and kissed me. Miss Carlton is not as beautiful as I thought. Even after being carefully combed, her hair is still as wooly as straw Rough, her bright brown eyes were as watery as a horse's. She looks like Tommy spent a fortune at auction The beautiful little mare I bought for the price—I don’t know why this metaphor came to me. But I have to say, even though it was only at first sight, I quite liked her. She is different from those shallow and squeamish noble ladies. At the same time, maybe it’s the temperament brought up by the old aristocrats, maybe it’s the gentle strong aura in her body, let me know

The son took a liking to her. When we meet our opponents in chess, we cherish each other. I haven't felt this way since I came back from Berlin when I was 10 years old. We were more communicating at the dinner table, talking about horses, hunting, men, how to manage industries, and the latest politics. policies and the politicians who make them. Tommy couldn't get a word in, and he just kept refilling our glasses from time to time. I drained my glass of rum before enjoying dessert. I think my face should be a little red, but who cares? I It’s been a long time since I’ve had this kind of joy of meeting a close friend.

I took a spoonful of the brownie and felt sick when I brought it to my mouth. I thought it was because of drinking. for Maintaining the Baroness's demeanor, I tried to remain calm, restrain my body's reaction, and stay away from the plate of delicate snacks. Tommy silently handed me his untouched plate. He never likes desserts, so he uses dark chocolate imported from Belgium The brownies made with strength were one of the rare things he could accept. I dug in another spoonful, which only made me feel worse.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." After saying that, I quickly covered my mouth and rushed to the toilet. I almost threw up my entire dinner. I feel dizzy and groggy, and I can only stand steady by holding on to the sink. "What's wrong?" Tommy opened the door, supported me, and let me lean against him. "I don't know…" Why does he smell so strange tonight…

[little-tyrant-gortash]

Oathbreaker

Pairing: fem!Tav x Enver Gortash, fem!Tav/Astarion

Tags: Emotional Manipulation, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Paladin Tav (Baldur's Gate), Vaginal Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Drunk Sex, Unrequited Love, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Scars, Blood and Injury, Injury, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Torture, Psychological Torture, Implied/Referenced Torture

Word count: 2,247

Ao3 here.

Chapter 1.

Chapter 2.

Chapter 3.

Chapter 4.

Chapter 5.

Chapter 6. ⬇

Chapter 7.

Chapter 6.: The Gift

"So", Tav sighed as she wrapped herself up in a way too fluffy towel. Black, of course. "Why did you summon me for, exactly? If it wasn't this…" She motioned at the corner tub before she ran her fingers in her wet, now vanilla scented hair.

Gortash raised a brow as he looked at her, just when he was wrapping another towel around his waist. His hair was a little messy now, as she had been running her fingers in it so many times, and as the drops of water rolled down his chest, she couldn't help but follow them with her eyes.

"This was a lovely distraction", he confirmed with a low chuckle, shifting his left hand on her chin to tilt her head up a bit. "One I'd love to repeat in the near future. But no. I've called you here to give you a gift."

"A gift? Oh my. You should've started with that", she murmured, mesmerized by his dark gaze. His eyes were always too intense for her to focus properly on her thoughts, and after letting him bed her twice, her mind took a rather naughty turn. She blinked at him, slow. "Must you look at me like this?"

"Does it bother you?" Gortash's lips twitched as his eyes dropped to her mouth.

"Very. I can't focus."

"Oh, I'm truly sorry, my little Paladin."

There it was. She rolled her eyes.

"Liar", she huffed. "Stop it."

"Never", he smiled, pecking her lips softly. "Now, come."

"Like this?"

She followed him, barefoot, through the bathroom. Half naked, Gortash still looked massive. His coat usually gave the illusion of him being bigger than he actually was, but compared to her, his shoulders were broad, and his arms were thick and strong. Tav bit on her lower lip. She wished she had those arms wrapped around herself again.

"I've sent my guards and servants away for tonight. There's only you and me here, now. You needn't worry about being in a towel and nothing else, I've seen it all, you know."

Tav remained silent for a few seconds.

"Fascinating how you believe I wouldn't turn against you", she half smiled to herself as they walked back in his workshop.

"I don't believe. I know. And still… you wouldn't have a chance."

"Oh, really?" Tav teased. "Aren't you a little too sure of yourself, Your Grace?"

"I know myself and what I'm capable of." He stopped in front of a desk and placed his right hand on it as he glanced back at her. "Come over here, beside me."

His simple instructions made her want to rebel against him, but for now, she complied. She stopped beside him, in front of the desk, and glanced at the obvious something which laid there, covered by a thick, rough cover.

"While you were trying to find Orin, I was working on trying to find a suitable armour for you to fight her. No offense, but that medium armour you have simply won't be enough. I was hoping I did not run out of time, and given the fact she came over yesterday to taunt me again, I knew you haven't succeeded yet."

"The sewers are a damned labyrinth", she sighed, looking up at him with almost sad eyes. "I don't know how much time I'll need."

"I'm hoping you won't be stalled for too long", he looked down at the cover, and she knew a billion thoughts crossed his mind. "Ketheric's death set off a wave of events we can't control nor contain. We need to act fast if we want to live." Gortash glanced back in her eyes. "I can't stress it enough. We really need the stones, Tav."

"I know", she shook her head, tired of hearing this. "I'm working on it, I swear."

"Good. I believe you." And he really did. "And with that out of the way… let me show you what I've been working on for you."

He grabbed the cloth and removed it, letting it fall to the ground. Tav stared at the armour that laid on the table. This was Ketheric's armour, although, it had a dark purple gem where Ketheric kept the netherstone. The very sight of it made her pale; all the memories from that night – the mind flayer colony, Chop, all the bodies and brains and… gods, the horrors she'd seen there. The horrors she'd felt on her very skin.

And now it reoccurred to her once again just how dangerous Gortash was. That Balthazar was complaining that Gortash left his skull shavings all over his table. That Gortash went to Moonrise Towers to talk with the minds. That he dabbled in gods knew what to gain as much power as he had now.

Her throat tightened as she stared at the armour. The toys at the mind flayer colony. Children's toys. Her eyes filled up with tears.

What was she doing here? Gortash should be her enemy, not someone who had such an effect on her. Not someone who could wrap her around his pinky if he wished, who just needed a gaze to make her knees buckle.

"The Reaper's Embrace", he introduced the armour, "a magnificent piece. An exoskeleton made of steel to protect every vital point of it's wearer. Additionally, it has properties one should take advantage of, if you ask me. I've improved the fit to your body shape… amoung other things."

He wants me to wear this.

The armour of his dead ally.

The terror she felt when Ketheric fell and rose as the Apostle of Myrkul assaulted her senses. What she learned about Gortash was nothing compared to that.

That night only came back around in her worst nightmares, and it always ended the same way. Everyone she ever loved and cared about, fell to Myrkul before he crushed her skull. The way her head cracked woke her up from that nightmare – a nightmare that felt too real to ignore. The pain, always throbbing behind her eyes. A warning.

"I can't", she whispered, holding the towel close to her heart.

She was trembling. Up until now, Gortash was admiring the handiwork on the armour, but at the sound of her voice – quiet and weak and fearful –, he turned to look at her with a soft frown.

She was... afraid? Of what?

"Tav, this is just an armour."

"It was Ketheric's", she mumbled. Gortash saw she went even paler than ever. "He... when I... I was trying to..."

Enver's brows twitched. He turned to her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She didn't look up at him.

"What happened?"

His gentle voice broke the dam down. Tav's mind collapsed. It was impossible to stop it now – after holding it back for so, so very long, after she always just kept going, without a break, without a hope... it was too much.

She just wanted the gods damned tadpole out of her skull, and she got so much more than what she was prepared for.

She would've crumbled in front of Gortash if he hadn't kept her on her feet in front of him. Seeing that, he wrapped her in an embrace and she hid her face in his bare chest where she sobbed and wailed and screamed.

And he said nothing. He knew she had to deal with a lot, and he knew she'd return from Orin in a similar way if... if she survived.

He held her a bit tighter at the thought.

No, this won't do. She had to get used to the horrors, because this would just get worse for her in the not too far future. She had to know about everything he had been doing to acquire power unmatched, he must make her see that this was for the betterment of the future. Their shared future.

He had no such problems with the Dark Urge; murder and gore was first nature to them. But Tav wasn't specifically built for this. Tav was, in his eyes, innocent. Even if she fought innumerable foes until she got to him. He had to help her somehow, for his own well-being, because while Orin lived, he wasn't safe.

He had to desensitize her.

"Are you feeling better?" He murmured as he stroked the top of her head once her crying got under relative control.

She nodded against his chest; finding comfort in his warmth, in the sound of his heartbeat. Whenever she had a breakdown when she was near Astarion - the only soothing thing about him was his voice. There was no life in his body. No warmth, no heartbeat. It seemed it was easier for her to remember the present moment if she felt and heard those two things. If she knew that there was life was worth fighting for; even with her demons.

It was awful to think that between Astarion and Enver, she had no one. Nothing but the darkness that swallowed her whole, the fears of the future, the regrets of the past, the pains of the present. Enver's warmth washed it all away. His warm skin against her skin helped her remember that she wasn't alone. That she wasn't abandoned.

At least, not yet. The crippling fear that he'd discard her as soon as she stopped being useful to him gripped her guts.

"Good." Gortash didn't pull away. He did not move, but he was about to nudge her in his desired direction with his words anyway. "I want you to visit me, every day, for a few hours", he decided. "You can't do a good job if you're distracted. As much as I hate to waste time right now… you need exposure."

"Exposure? To what?"

"Your fears and traumas."

He was willing to help her? Her breathing normalised and she sighed a little before she pulled away from him. His arms fell away from her form as soon as he felt her shift away from his embrace. He found it childish that he already missed her.

"I'm fine", she defiantly pressed her lips together, clearly a sign of annoyance.

Gortash motioned at the armour on the table.

"You just had a breakdown, Tav."

"I said I'm fine!"

The second she raised her voice, Gortash's eyes narrowed and darkened. His gaze turned intense again as he focused his attention on her, and she had to look away.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell." When Gortash said nothing, she bit her lower lip and started to spiral into worrying again. "I just… I saw things. So many things. You've… you're…"

"I'm what?" He hissed coolly, and she felt physical pain in her chest at his tone.

"You've done unspeakable horrors to innocent people and I-"

And I still can't keep myself away from you.

"And you?" Gortash snapped again, making her face scrunch up in indescribable pain. He was trying to deduce what she was thinking about, and came to a logical solution. "Are you afraid of me?"

Well, that was not too far away from the truth, but that wasn't what she was thinking about. Admitting it to him though that she was so desperate to be in his presence… that was worse than if he thought her a coward. She nodded. Several times.

"In all honesty…" He wondered, and she finally glanced back at his face. He looked like he was in thought, the darkness from his eyes were gone again. "That's good. I'd be surprised if you weren't. But, at the same time…" He reached out for her chin to turn her head as he liked, "you needn't be. You're not a victim. Not a target."

Tav's heart sunk as someone else's voice rang in her head.

You're not a victim. Not a target. Not just one night it's better to forget.

"You are my ally. My equal. We will rule together. I swore to you that I will do you no harm. You can't let your fears get the better of you, or we will both perish."

Her shoulders dropped in utter defeat.

"I can't wear Ketheric's armour", she whispered.

"You will", Gortash leaned closer to her and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "You must."

"What will my friends say if they see me in it?"

"It doesn't matter what they will say, what matters is what you will tell them. And you'll tell them the truth. This", he let her chin go and gently knocked the side of the metal ribs of the armour, "will protect you. Trust me."

"I rather trust those I travel with that they'll watch my back if needed. I got far with them until now. And while I appreciate the gift… I'd like to ask a favour of you."

Gortash tilted his head as his curiosity got the better of him.

"Favours do not come cheap", he mused.

"I have gold."

"I might not require payment in gold. After all, I have a lot of that, you know."

Tav noticed a mischievous glint in his eyes, and she was almost certain what sort of payment he was thinking of. The sort of payment she was sickeningly eager to provide for him.

"I'll… compensate you, if you do this for me."

"Hmm, a tempting offer", Enver smirked. "And what your request might be?"

Tav bit her lower lip as she thought her request through – and what effect it would have on him.

"Please, fix Karlach's infernal engine."

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Thus commences the last in the "Haru bugs FF about Milgram" series, with only two more characters to put on the table !! ...Huh? Ask in my inbox? What ask in my inbox, I have no idea what you're talking about !! Aha !! Ahahahaa !! (i swear i'm getting to answering it i'm sorry for the wait) The last two on the list is Green Anime Baby (/ref) and Schrodinger's Sexuality, both of which you have already talked about before but this can serve as an opportunity to say whatever else is on your mind regarding them

The end of an era, really. The final two people.

Take your time on my ask! It's pretty hard to get so many thoughts on these characters in words, because there's a lot to them, so.

CW: Internalized homophobia, suicide and murder, cults and indoctrination, child abuse, heavy Amane apologism.

EDIT: On second read, I may have come off a bit strong with the Amane apologism. Keep in mind most of it’s hyperbole. I recognize her actions are morally grey, that’s the fun of it, but this isn’t a serious analysis. This is a collection of brainrot, and so I’m letting myself indulge in mindless Amane apologism, hope it’s not too much of a bother.

Let's start with Kazui. The (allegedly) gay (possibly) aromantic old man. Yeah, the aro/gay reading has grown on me since I made that Cat post. Though I'm biased towards the aro thing for obvious reasons.

Anyways, I like him! For the final time there is the issue of sexual attraction being a decently big part of someone's character, and me not really being able to relate to that, but at least this one has the whole thing about lying and societal expectations which makes it a bit more interesting for me. I personally have never had any big issues with my sexuality after I figured it out, but I can sympathize with his struggles to an extent. More than I can sympathize with Mahiru anyways.

I am always inclined to like characters who lie a lot, because it makes them more interesting to analyze. I tend to prefer when they aren't constantly telling everyone they're a liar, but Kazui isn't as annoying about it as some other characters (if I can like Kokichi I'll survive Kazui's thing). Kazui is cool because there's always the tiny doubt in my mind that maybe we're making a horrible horrible mistake by voting him inno this trial, but the more logical part of me knows that really isn't the case probably.

Shame his songs aren't really my kinda thing. I like Cat well enough, and I think half is good too, they're just not what I usually listen to.

I think it's funny his first instinct in his first VD was to try and apprehend Es, very funny guy. In particular, I think one of the most hilarious things that I've seen from Milgram so far is when someone before the release of Cat shipped him with the bartender just so Milgram could have a "Gay or European" parody, which is great, watch it if you haven't, and then it became canon (in theory).

As you know, I'm currently voting him Innocent, not just because of the whole "defending the others" thing, but because he clearly regrets what he did, he didn't mean to kill Hinako in the first place, so while what he did was pretty shitty, I don't think it's completely unforgivable.

I'm honestly coming up a bit blank on what to say about him other than the stuff I've sorta already talked about. I'll talk about the interrogations later, because right now I'm sorta distracted... by her.

Look at her!!!!

Look at how silly she is!!! She is not mentally stable but she slays that insanity look!!!

There's more of them??? This is fantastic!!! I love that for her!!!

Look at how happy she is, going to commit first degree murder!!! Yes, go literally slay queen! Kill 'em! Make them suffer >:D!!

(That last image and her murder shot may be my favorite Milgram frames btw)

I love her a lot a lot. To make it clear to you, I like her about as much, if not even more, than Min. Yeah, that's the critical levels of brainrot we're dealing with here.

She's just so fantastic honestly. Her entire story and personality and capital S Silliness is just fascinating, I could think and talk about her forever. It's hard for me to put into words, because I think about her and I start vibrating. Hands are shaking because Amane too awesome.

Amane is the reason why I even got into Milgram in the first place, you know? Like, I was seeing it pop up around my dash every now and then, but I was content to kinda ignore it... until I started seeing fanart of this weird little girl standing in an army of clones, and she looked a little... a little silly you know? I wanted to see what the deal was, and so I started obssessing over Milgram, so.

And what a time to join. Purge March may not be my favorite song musically (it's probably fifth after Backdraft, MeMe, Harrow and Bring it On. Magic is a bit below that but I also like that one), but it's probably overall my favorite MV of the series. Amane's an incredibly interesting character, the visuals are awesome, and lyrically it's amazing. Literally my only complaint is that it isn't longer, like please under three minutes? The shortest fucking MV in the series?! Evil /lh

One of my favorite Milgram lines in general is:

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry” You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already!

Just the almost jarring shift from "like our religion ordains, everything will be back to normal if you just apologize and repent :)" to "I don't care what you do, I hate you and I want you dead" is fuckaingadjk yes Amane go go go kill 'em! I don't care if you try to excuse your actions by twisting your cult's teachings so much you actually contradict them! That just makes it even better!

Yeah my sense of morality cannot properly process Amane's crimes as actually evil. Honestly she could kill the entire cast and I'd forgive her. Sounds like a skill issue on their part not gonna lie. Just let her stab Shidou, come on! Let her brainwash Fuuta! If she has DID, then let one of the alters not afflicted by Milgram rules stab Es! I think that'd be very funny.

God, she's just asodak`+ anda alsldk

Sorry, I'm normal again <- Kazui-core statement (aka a lie).

Amane's just really awesome. I can't properly make a character analysis here because I will simply explode and I'd like to survive to see her third trial MV. I think I'll love it no matter what it is, but I do have some things I would particularly adore. Bassically I just want her to go feral, just- just go insane. My inner Veronika in full swing, I wanna see a play by play of her murder and just her covered in blood and screaming like yeah girl beat 'em up! I've seen some people suggest she should just turn into a monster in her MV and that would be so awesome. I am so immensely normal about her holy fuck do you understand.

Obviously I think she should be voted Innocent this trial. Because I'm pretty sure there's just no coming back from a second Guilty, so we're essentially dooming her and irreversably breaking her psyche. Shidou will probably survive any physical wounds she could possibly inflict, but I'm not entirely sure Amane would be able to recover after a Guilty. I also have a full draft talking about all the ways voting her Guilty just to protect Shidou could go wrong (Fuuta could attack in her place/there's a chance it wouldn't even stop Amane/Amane could sabotage medical equipment even while Guilty/Amane might still have the "first stage of physical restraints" from Trial 1 making a second Guilty redundant/DID could let her skip over the rules/etc). So overall I think Innocent is by far the better option, and I hope the way she's bleeding Inno percentage is some sort of statistical quirk and not her actually losing ground on absolute terms...

... But.

Listen, an inno is absolutely the best option in my mind. But if she gets voted Guilty, after I cry for a few months straight...

I am going to be so excited to see what she does in Trial 3. My inner Veronika coming out again, I wanna see how bad she gets. The more terrible and feral she becomes, I'll only love her more. I want to see all the horrible things she's willing to do and say without justification (/ref). God Kami-sama I need therapy.

Ehem. Anyways, I like Amane a lot.

And there's the dynamics, the dynamics! I've already brainrotted about her and Fuuta a bit on his post, but holy shit I love them so much. I want them to get out of Milgram and be silly together. They really are the siblings ever. Fuuta would introduce Amane to all sort of online and self-indulgent stuff she probably wouldn't have had access to before, helping her reconnect with her own desires and happiness, and Amane would try to get him to touch some grass and fail miserably. They are probably my favorite prisoner duo overall; they're both already silly on their own, and their silliness is multiplied exponentially when they are together.

Like, you gotta understand. It's not just that they are objectively hilarious together and they should hang out all the time always. There's also the parallels. Have you ever noticed how they both present themselves as heroes in their own ways (knight and magical girl)?

That they both want nothing more than to impress the very people who are pushing them to do bad things?

[Magic] I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile

[Backdraft] Tolerate, impress those spectators

The way Fuuta sees judgement as fire while Amane sees it as rain?

And justavs jas doj oq

God I am exploding I am going crazy like O2 I'm burning myself into oblivion I'm undeniably inequivocally definitely completely insane-

Okay I'm calm now. I need to stop thinking about 0308 parallels because I will simply combust. So we're moving on to-

Oh fuck the Es parallels too!

Amane: We’ve talked about this before. There are things more important than the law. That would be our teachings. Es: I won’t acknowledge you turning such selfish rules into a standard of judgment. I won’t allow it. End of story. A: … E: Both religion and faith are free. However, a doctrine can’t become a universal standard of judgment. A: You fool. Isn’t Milgram trying to enforce a new standard of judgment precisely because laws cannot guide this world onto the right path? Are you still being weighed down by the law?

E: Shut your mouth…! I am the one casting the judgements here! A: Hehehe. And how does that set you apart from us?

A: “We”? What’s “we”? Are you not just “I”? E: … I…? A: Aren’t we the same? Me and Warden-san. You know, I’m aware that I’m out of the ordinary. That my environment was peculiar, and that everyone else is normal.

What if I just ascend into another realm? What then? Can I still post my silly little thoughts from the world beyond?

Listen, there's so much to talk about with these two. I've already said I'm a sucker for protag foils, and Amane may be the most direct foil Es has alongside Fuuta and possibly Kotoko. Not to even mention their sibling dynamic, too, only matched in awesomeness by 0308!

E: No matter what you do, no matter how grown-up you behave – you’re a child. That’s an unchangeable truth. A: You’re a child, too! E: Wrong. I’m fifteen, so I’m an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You’re twelve, so you’re a child no matter the country. A: …!! E: Hehe. You look angry. A: I don’t. E: You do. A: I don’t!

Actual sibling behavior what the hell. I think they should stick together if they get outta the hell prison.

Honestly it's ridiculous how awesome this girl is. I could talk about her and her parallels with all prisoners for days straight. I am not normal about her.

It's not even the prisoners either! Like, have you heard of the Sacred Texts, the godforsaken fucking cat parallels?! I'm going crazy just thinking about them. The only reason I haven't posted 15000 different posts about it is because Amane PhD haver Dr purgemarchlockdown has already talked about it so much. But they are so incredible. Animal cover goes hard, too. I have to listen to all of those at some point.

I will be so upset if she doesn't end up Innocent this trial (not as in mad, as in extremely depressed and a bit mad). I've even tried to cope by thinking of how it's mathematically possible she's actually been getting more Inno votes than Guilty but her percentage is dropping anyways due to statistical quirks and please tell me once the percentage stabilizes it will hover around like 53% give me some graphs I want to try to make some predictions please augh-

Anyways I need to calm down or I will never be able to post this.

So let's look at interrogation questions! New ones come out soon, yeah? I'm excited to talk about them when it happens (and after someone translates lol). Kazui first!

(T1) Q2: Is there anyone you hold in high esteem?

K: You wouldn't know them, but I have a childhood friend. I really look up to them. Sorry for bringing up someone you'd have no clue about.

(T1) Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow?

K: I would lazily do some fishing. My childhood friend who I talked about earlier has a boat.

Childhood friends to lovers AO3 tag is strong with this one huh. Hope his Trial 3 MV contains a scene of him fishing. It's just a funny image really.

(T1) Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do?

K: I'd like to live righteously.

(T1) Q4: Do you think that your family is proud of you?

K: No. They must find me embarrassing.

(T1) Q7: Do you like yourself?

K: I can't really say I do.

(T1) Q19: Do you want to be forgiven?

K: I'm not sure. I also want my weakness to be tolerated, to be honest.

Yeah, the (alleged) internalized homophobia is strong with this one, huh. I'm assuming that's what he's referring to when he says "weakness" unfortunately. I hope he gets therapy when he gets out of Milgram. But you can say the same about all the sillies I guess.

(T1) Q5: When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride?

K: The merry-go-round. I actually want to try riding on one.

What. Is this. Is this related to the merry-go-round in I Love You? Like Kazui wanting to try being in a relationship where the love is (somewhat at least) reciprocated? Will think on this more later. Maybe.

(T1) Q6: What is the difference between an adult and a child?

K: Responsibility. Adults can't just go and do whatever they want.

One day I'll start making posts about the prisoner pairs and this will come up in 0708 but I am currently unable to think more about Amane without imploding so.

(T1) Q12: What is the meaning of life?

K:I wonder what. If you find out, kindly come and tell this old man.

(T1) Q14: Do you listen to music?

K: Well, a decent amount. I'm sure you wouldn't know them because they're all old songs.

Why does my guy always talk like he's about to die from old age. Dude you're not even 40 you have literally half (song reference hah) of your life left at least, at least try to live it you know?

(T1) Q15: When do you wake up/go to bed?

K: Because I don't have a job now, I'm letting myself act freely. I sleep whenever I get sleepy, and get up before noon.

I've always wondered about this one. Retirement for police officers in Japan is around 60 years usually, so there's gotta be some other reason my guy's unemployed. That's assuming he was a police officer, since I've seen some dispute the claim, but I think it makes sense. Did he quit after Hinako's death? Something happen before it? It's really peculiar, especially because we don't really get any reference to this in either half or Cat from what I can see.

(T1) Q16: Do you believe in past existences and fortune-telling?

K: I don't. I can't shift to them the responsibility of what happens in life.

Oh you mean like how Amane pretends her murder was ordained by God even though her cult would very clearly disavow her killing anyone or anything because of the whole "follow thine destiny" thing? Curious.

Alright now get ready for me to analyze literally every single Amane question out of principle.

(T1) Q1: Do you have any special skills?

A: Nothing that I can call a talent. Perhaps studying. I do well in my Japanese class.

Does murder count as a special skill? Because I think she's actually decently good at it. Her studiousness is obviously caused by the whole cult thing, but good on her for being good at Japanese! Couldn't be me.

(T1) Q2: Is there anyone you hold in high esteem?

A: My father. My father has been on a journey for a while, but that is something very honorable.

I've always wondered how the father thing plays into her story, there hasn't been too much reference to him yet. There is the second voice reveal trailer thing, but honestly I'm not too sure what to make of it honestly.

(T1) Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do?

A: Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

Alright you lying liar.

(T1) Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow?

A: If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

I fucking love characters who lie to themselves yes fucking inject that shit in my soul-

(T1) Q4: Do you think that your family is proud of you?

A: Of course. No daughter is as exemplary as I.

(T1) Q13: Who do you want to meet right now?

A: My father. I want him to praise me for working hard.

Her (allegedly) dead mother staring at her from hell like ಠ_ಠ

One day I'll make a post about how it's possible everyone in Milgram's just dead and Amane got killed by her father when he returned home and that's how she ended up in Milgram and I'll be sad.

(T1) Q5: When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride?

A: That is a place I should not go to.

I hate her cult so bad. I imagine that would be obvious, but I'll say it anyways.

(T1) Q6: What is the difference between an adult and a child?

A: There is no borderline there. I think there are grown-up children and childish grown-ups.

She had to grow up so fast I'm fucking depressed. Also ngl "childish grown-ups" is kinda based I think Amane should just insult people more often it's very awesome of her.

(T1) Q7: Do you like yourself?

A: I have never considered it from the perspective of love and hate, but I do think I am a good child.

Ouch. Ouchie ouch ouch.

(T1) Q8: Between ethics and emotion, which do you prioritize?

A: Both are trivial.

"Throw down, ethics is a delusion"~

This is honestly just a really funny answer. I get why she's saying it (common ethics and her own emotions are not as important as her cult's teachings in her eyes), but there's always a bit of hilarity that ensues when you say "ethics are trivial." Amane should honestly be allowed to violate Geneva conventions, I think the world would be better if she did.

(T1) Q9: Tell me what your family consists of.

A: It was my father, my mother, and I.

Was, huh. Wonder what happened there (murder happened there (allegedly)).

(T1) Q10: Is there any prisoner you're close with?

A: If I were to say, I guess it would be Yuno and Mahiru.

And then she wasn't! Kami-sama that first trial aftermath was a warzone.

(T1) Q11: What kind of meat do you like?

A: I don't eat meat.

The part of me that loves body horror sorta wants Amane to be shown eating her victim in Trial 3 to really drive home how 'this is not what the cult wants her to do'. Is that not a normal thing to say? It makes me sound completely fucking unhinged? Oops. Anyways.

(T1) Q12: What is the meaning of life?

A: I think it is something you learn for the first time when you look behind yourself when it ends. I do not want to have regrets then, so I live on with all my might.

Sometimes (a lot of the time) I think about Amane when she grows up and hopefully is out of her cult's control, and how she'll feel about the first 12 years of her life. I hope she and Shidou make up.

(T1) Q14: Do you listen to music?

A: Not really, to songs that are highly entertaining.

I headcanon that if the prisoner's listened to each other's songs, Backdraft would be Amane's favorite because it's exciting and she likes Fuuta.

(T1) Q15: When do you wake up/go to bed?

A: I go to sleep at 9PM, and wake up at 6AM.

She sleeps for nine hours a night? This is the healthiest sleep schedule I've ever seen in my entire life the fuck is this. I get this is because of the cult thing, so I think my girl should get to do a sleep-over with some of the other prisoners eventually, but still.

(T1) Q16: Do you believe in past existences and fortune-telling?

A: Although there are many fake ones.

How do you think Amane would react to Mikoto's tarot thing? I can't think of anything funny to say so I'm just not gonna address the question.

(T1) Q18: Do you regret your "murder"?

A: No. It was a natural obligation.

So true bestie, kill the bitch. I will live up to my name as the Local Amane Momose Apologist, I want her to kill everyone that's ever hurt her (not the audience obvs).

(T1) Q19: Do you want to be forgiven?

A: Of course. I anticipate that you will make the right judgment.

Come on, how can you disappoint her again? Vote her inno, she deserves it.

(T1) Q20: Any complaints about being imprisoned?

A: No. Because this is a trial by God.

Reason #543785478 why voting her inno is the better option: there is zero chance she sees a second Guilty as anything but another trial she must endure, so she'll only cling harder to her faith and I seriously worry we might not be able to get her back by the time Trial 3 rolls around.

Okay brainrot over. I'll be surprised if anyone survives that amount of insanity but here we are. Thanks for all the asks! And excited to see what you're cooking on your end. Take care!

[aita-blorbos]

(Technically Canon Characters, but it's from an AU/Fanfic)

AITA For Showing a Dead face to a Guy?

So, I (14??M) am Dead, but am also somehow alive again. I'm like a Zombie basically. I don’t want to get too into everything, but keep in mind I was murdered, trapped in a golden bear suit I was murdered with and my murderer who's a ghost, and I have no memory of anything in my life besides my death.

I stick to hiding in the woods, because I don't want anyone seeing me. I don’t know what would happen if anyone saw me, but I know it wouldn't be good. Only one person knows about me, who I'll call G(15M). He's a bit fidgety and nervous all the time, but is overall nice and apparently knows a bit about ghosts.

One day I end up hearing a voice from a Junkyard calling for Help. When I go to investigate, I find a piece of metal with strange neon goo on it. Confused about it, I just decide to go ask G about it since I was 99% positive it was ghost related. I went to his apartment (Just yelling at him through his window... I am aware that was dumb), and he seemed confused as well. He ended up just suggesting to see if there was more and see if it made anything. I went back to the Junkyard and found more pieces with the goo on it, but ended up making a girl out of the garbage. I'm not sure why, but the goo seems to match with whatever I made since it looks like it's bleeding.

I go back to tell G this and offer to try taking a picture if he gives me a camera since he's still kinda confused, but when he comes down to hand me a camera, his Dad or something comes down with him! I'll call him D, since he's a Detective. You can probably see why I would freak out if I didn't want anyone else to see me, a Detective is one of the worst types of people to see me! It also makes it worse since D is apparently a huge skeptic of the Paranormal, unlike G. I get a bit upset at G for this, but as I try arguing with him, D steps in and says "I believe you should calm down, and not begin yelling at him over a mistake caused by your decisions", which, I guess he's right about that, but it still pissed me off.

G explains he just wants to ask me some questions, and was even willing to let me borrow his camera. I end up allowing him to, but I get quickly upset with the guy. D starts questioning the answers I gave him, which admittedly were kind of bad at the time and kind of lied (I was scared of admitting the truth about being dead), he gets upset and questions me for "destroying private property" of an old Junkyard gate, he even ended up following miles across the woods to get to the Junkyard to see the person of garbage I made because I didn't trust him enough to get in his car. Looking back, these aren't the worst things ever and make sense, but they just made me more agitated at the time.

We get to the person I made who's out of garbage, and, before I can take a picture of it, he snatches the camera out of my hands. D ends up apologizing, but says he can't let me take a picture of it. Apparently some horrible incident happened where a Girl, S, was reported to be seen turning into garbage before going missing, and the person I made with junk looks pretty similar to her. Now, I had no idea this ever happened, I've literally been in the woods hiding for weeks, so I get defensive, thinking he's going to blame me for this. He ends up saying something snarky about how he doubts I haven't heard anything about it, since this incident was a pretty big deal around here, which I said was where I "probably" lived, so I admitted to lying.

D just sternly asks why I lied, and I explain it was because I thought he would see me as crazy if I said I was dead. Then, he just says G told him that already, and that he felt like there were larger issues to address than that. We begin arguing, then he says "I think you're a liar. I do not believe you're insane, or 'crazy', or even a sane person who only happens to believe something absurd, I simply think you're lying, and wear this suit for reasons I don't fully understand. I also believe this...body could possibly be some sick joke to make fun of this missing girl, and, frankly, your attitude towards me and others is starting to get on my nerves."

This was my tipping point, so I end up yanking my bear suit open to show my rotting face. D just stares at me terrified and too stunned to say anything, so I cover my face again and just say "Fuck you" before walking a few feet away and sulking on the ground. D ends up apologizing to me, genuinely apologizing, and promises to leave me alone like I wanted. I don’t apologize. I don’t know why I didn't. I felt bad for doing that, but I also felt too stubborn to? I don't know, my brain just feels confused right now. I feel like I already know the answer to this question, but I might as well ask it since I can't ask anyone else.

AITA?

EDIT: Ok apparently the junk person I made was S after all somehow. I don’t know how that even happened to her, but I guess that adds to D's point about it looking eerily similar (Since it was her.)