#i don't mind being criticised if it's constructive

[snallavanta]

kinda ironic how i studied communication, yet suck at doing it in real life

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Superfluous writing update

Calling this superfluous because it's about a story I've decided not to publish, but it's a writing update nevertheless and while I'm deeply dissatisfied with the result, I can still use it for my YOI canon/post-canon series.

The (first) draft of my Vitya backstory, which I've started writing during my Easter holiday, is finally finished. A part of me kept hoping that I might change my mind because it had some highlights like the origin of the bondage lilac fairy, but unless I invest an unholy amount of my time in the revision, it's not going to become a story that anyone would be interested in reading because for all I know, it doesn't match people's expectations about Viktor's past at all. In addition to that is this draft a big construction site.

Here's what imho makes the story unappealing and/or screams at me to be fixed:

Baby Vitya obsessing over a late famous Russian ballet dancer, who I thought would be an amazing idol for him and inspire him to become the kind of skater we see in YOI - no actual story here, just a loosely connected series of events.

Early teenage Vitya still obsessing over his ballet dancer and experimenting with feminine styles and being very stubborn about it despite everyone criticising him - still no actual story here, though, and his arguing with Yakov is becoming repetitive.

A very lenghty part about his first love that was mostly self-indulgent because I knew I had to end it eventually - actual story here for once, but let's be frank: who does even want to read 8 chapters about Viktor/OC?

A first Olympics that very likely is not at all like what Sayo and Mitsurou had in mind for the movie because my Vitya is still trying to get over his heartbreak. Note that I never aimed for that because this project is the result of smaller details I've invented for my series, but the result is far from what I had in mind and although that's part of a natural writing process, the result is extremely dissatisfying.

No drama revolving Viktor's decision to cut his hair because I believe that it was just him getting tired of his long hair and reinventing himself/crafting a new persona.

Poorly fleshed out programmes (there were just too many and I was too busy jotting the story down).

Appearences of real-life figure skaters who competed at that time because I was too lazy to invent OCs for anyone who is not Stéphane Lambiel.

Poorly researched Russian culture (I was too preoccupied with turning post-Soviet Russia into a country that is compatible with the world of YOI than looking into such details).

No teenage Viktor meets teenage Yuuri because during the time the story is set, they never skated in the same category due to their age gap: when Yuuri discovered Viktor, he was 12 and Viktor on the verge of entering seniors, and by the time the story ends, Yuuri has just reached the minimum age to enter seniors.

Honestly, I don't see the appeal in any of this, even if I fix the issues, shorten the lenghty parts and connect the scenes in the first half to an actual plot. It will take months until I will have time for such an endeavour and it will take even more months to turn this clusterfuck of a draft into something readworthy, and by then here will already be dozens, if not hundreds of Young Vitya stories written by people who will likely do a much better job at it than I could ever do.

Why is that even important to me? My stories are very dear to me and posting into the void just hurts. So far, I didn't have any luck with stories that are basically Viktor without Yuuri. This one was especially precious to me because it's a coming-of-age/coming-out story. Since the movie was cancelled, I also feel that expectations for this kind of story have skyrocketed because YOI fans crave to get their Ice Ado in one or the other way. Last but not least, this draft needs an unholy amount of work, and given all the reasons I've just listed, it just doesn't feel worth the effort at all.

So yeah, I wrote a story I've been burning to write since I had the idea back in January, and for the first time in 15 years of writing fanfiction (and 10 more years of writing), I've fucked it up. I now have 115k of backstory I can use in my ADTLTBA-series to flesh out Viktor, which is ridculously much for a backstory. On the pro-side, I now can rest assured that this story will never be abused to hate on animation studios and I'm just emerging from two very intense weeks of writing, which I haven't had since last NaNoWriMo.

[hambiichu]

Robotic (Red x Reader) AU

--------Argrument and Bar--------

"I Hope you learned your lesson."

Red is holding the steering wheel while driving, and you take an awkward stance in the passenger seat, peering out the window at the torrential rain. Before Red spoke, the only sound emanating from this vehicle was a bump and a hum. It had been a lengthy and uncomfortable silence.

It was merely a mistake, a bloody mistake, you two made at Carlos' house; you and him criticised each other's attitude and skills, unaware that the deviant had escaped through the attic window and fallen on all fours on the muddy grass in the backyard.

You made an effort to reassure him that it was acceptable for him and you to make a mistake because it was natural. Yet, Red disliked the thought.

It was the first mistake you had made—a more unusual situation than spending a whole day at a desk. Is completely unfamiliar to you, yet it adds to your experiences as a cop and a detective.

"Is a we not an I?" You corrected him, ignoring his side-eye cold gaze. "Don't implied to me that I learnt the lesson. We both are; it is natural to make mistakes."

"Androinds don't make mistakes," Red sneers, gripping the steering wheel with more force as if he wants to break it. "We are programmed to be more superior than humans; we are perfect beings to surpass humanity. We are the advanced technologies."

"That's bullshit." You look up to him and say, "You built like a human. Breathe like a human. Have senses like a human. A human built you, and it gave you life."

You swore, and as soon as he snapped his head at you, the car abruptly halted, and your body struck the air vent. Red's body pivoted to face you, his knuckles at his sides aching to wrap around your throat and suffocate you, as his cold brown eyes gazed directly into your soul. Red's nostrils flared.

Red finds it incomprehensible that you looked at him more like a human being than the annoying android he is. People detested Androids; they caused the unemployment of half of the human population, and they wished the creator of androins hadn't created them in the first place. Though you were more unique—a strange person at least—Red was despised by the individuals he deals with.

He wants to get rid of you.

As your pokemon rattles in its pokeball in your pocket, warning its priceless trainer of impending danger, you, on the other hand, give him the glare. You know you hit a chord with his behaviour, even though you don't know why. You know that modern technologies pose a risk, but you also know how to fight back.

You may not know what his next move is but you're not holding back down whatever Red has in his mind.

You don't perceive him as a threat at all; instead, you see life in him. Perhaps this is due to your prior experiences, which have made you more sympathetic towards people in general, even those who are constructed androids like him.

Your past bothers you, even though you don't recall it at all. You were traumatised, but you don't bring it up very often.

Nevertheless, it made you the person who you are today.

"They don't give me life," Red growls. "They gave me only a position. A human built me to give a position."

You counter his icy gaze with your own, not missing the twitch of his fingers, knowing that no matter what he does, you'll fight back. "They gave you life and position. We live for a purpose, Red."

"Purpose," he breathes, scroutching his nose like it was bad air. "It is for the weak."

"Not all." You pat down your pokeball; it calms down, signalling you can handle this. "We humans may be weak, but we battle through hard life situations."

---

"Just like that? He kicked you out of the car?" Blue shakes his head in dismay, pipping down his second glass of alcohol. "What an ass."

"I know," you said as you sat back on the plush couch and watched Leon's battleship ship on repeat on the vintage television that was hanging below the bar table. "Then I called you and dragged my feet here."

Ludicolo placed your drink down at the table, and after telling Blue all that had transpired, you swirled the liqueur in the glass, losing all desire to drink.

Blue huffs and sets down his empty glass. Taking yours, he chunked it one time, sensing you were too loose to want to drink. Then, his eyes slowly moved to a robotic Gardevoir, who was sitting next to its trainer, peacefully waiting to finish his meal.

Blue's eye twitched in irrationation; the man had failed to notice the sign stating that robots were not permitted in the pub. Every single person inside detested man and modern technology; to them, pokemon—being living, breathing creatures—were priceless, but they were replaced by robotic ones.

Certain Pokemon that were extinct years ago were brought back to life by scientists, although most people didn't like the idea. They prefer the past over the present.

"So what are you going to do now?" Blue looks up to you.

He repeated it, and you finally looked up. You are clouded in your mind at this moment and have failed to notice his voice: "I don't know. He's hard to handle, and he has some issues."

"Why not report to Looker?" Blue suggested, "After all, you looked up to him like a father. Maybe he'll understands and disband your partnership with Red."

"I can't." You shake your head, waving your hand at the Ludicolo to shoo the Pokemon away, who have been still standing to await if you have another order. "You know who Looker is; he's the captain, and he knows what's best for me."

"Bullshit!" Blue clears his cough, his chest raised in embarrassment when others look in the direction of his raised voice. "Try to convince him; he'll change his mind. I do it all the time, and the next thing I know, I'm out of his office."

You gave a small snort, knowing full well that Blue Looker would never heed his advice and would ultimately be kicked out of Looker's office. You have known Blue for years, despite the fact that, aside from being a constant jerk, he is the most trustworthy person you have ever met. Blue asked you out on dates several times, but you consistently declined until he gave up and showed you respect.

Even though you knew that part of Blue's advice would not work, you still decided to give it a shot.

"I'll try," you smiled, Blue smirks showing his dimples. "Is what's for the best?"

Blue hums in approval.

"Why are you still here?" Blue shifts his gaze to look at Ludicolo. "Go back to your trainer. We have nothing to order."

Ludicolo gave him a nasty growl.

----

Chapter 1

[strudelapfel]

There's this girl with NPD who I really like, and whenever I look for advice on how to interact with people with NPD, it's always shit like "HOW TO MAKE NARCISSISTS LIFE HELL AND MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES" so I've been looking for someone with NPD to ask for advice on how to make someone with NPD happy!

I've tried being nice to her and that's been working pretty well so far, but I was wondering if you know of anything special that pwnpd might need in terms of attention or interactions that I might not be doing.

That's very sweet and considerate of you! Yeah there aren't a lot of NPD resources on the internet besides this corner of Tumblr sadly. I don't know your situation so I can't give you clear advice and I can't speak for everyone with NPD but I find myself being less drained socially when I feel like "winning" at the interaction. In a sense that I've successfully put on this perfect front that everyone believes in and admires. Perhaps you could reaffirm your perception of that person as being really positive. To me that feels rewarding because I work hard to control the image others have of me as best as I can with the intention of them associating me with being charming. Admiration should also work quite well. NPD is contrary to how it might seem a very outward dependent disorder. The stereotype is that pwnpd are too focused on themselves to notice the things around them when in reality a lot of pwnpd are very perceptive of the things going on around them in order to respond to it in the most desirable way in the moment. If I don't get admired frequently I crash. I chose the word admired because that suggests that someone is looking up to someone for their skills or talents or whatever. If there is something the person you're talking about is quite good at or passionate about, perhaps you could point out how amazing they are at it. Oftentimes I tie my self worth to a certain skill I have. So I need to be the best at it at all times. Also try not to criticise them in front of others. Obviously there will come a time when they've done or said something you don't agree with and giving critic is necessary, just make sure you do it in a private setting as to not humiliate them because I tend to react defensive and less open to the critic in a group setting. And try to word it as constructive and non accusatory as possible. Keep in mind that I don't speak for everyone, this is just based on my personal experience and may not apply to them :)

[drbased]

Time for another major take-down

This is a Big One. I'm going to analyse I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.

Part 1

Let's get into it. Firstly, the note at the start: I hate how it's become commonplace to write something online - a literal public space, accessible to anyone - and then when criticised immediately back-track and call it 'private' and 'a diary entry'. This applies to radfems on tumblr, or anyone tbh. If you want something to remain private, write it privately.

Correlation, meet causation.

Yeah, there's a reason the phrase 'correlation does not equal cause causation' exists. But this is the primary tool of human narrative-making and exactly why it is so easy for trans-identified people to discover past 'evidence' of their gender. Occam's razor is thrown out because the dull reality feels much less significant than the constructed narrative.

Ever the magical thinker, I tell myself that if I wish out loud one thousand times, I will wake up with long hair in cute pajamas with a different name — and maybe freckles.

One might consider it a minor nitpick, but here lies the primary issue: the gender essentialism that people internalise as children is not discarded as sexist nonsense, but instead the sunk-cost fallacy works its magic. Of course, the author might be using some flowery language to merely evoke the image of 'girl' in the reader's mind - but the mere fact that someone in this culture is able to communicate the exact concept of biological sex by referencing sexed roles/expectations shows just how ingrained these beliefs are in our society.

The next part, at eight years old, is especially sad. Causation and correlation definitely have a rocky relationship here. He describes getting on with mostly women. Something as basic as being friends with and admiring the females in his life is seen as 'proof' of his female identity. But of course, you're a transwoman in the closet. How many of these 'women' you like and admire, are actually women? You say you think divorced, tattooed, Catie's mum is cool - what if that person is actually a man? Or if that feels like a cheap argument, do you think that all these women especially like you, above all other 'boys' your age? Do you think they can tell?

When I ask to sleep over at my friends’ houses, I am told I am not allowed. Boys are not allowed. My friend Caitie’s mother argues about this on the phone with my mother. I realize my mother is not on my side.

No sarcasm here - I don't really get this bit. Did you mean to write that girls are not allowed? Because historically, parents are fine with boys having sleepovers together - it's typically cross-sex sleepovers that parents find an issue with, for all sorts of reasons. Not allowing sleepvers with other boys would be a concern of your mum specifically; nothing to do with gender. And speaking of your mum, your takeaway is that she's not on your side? What a strangely powerful conclusion to come to from one minor thing. Parents give their kids all sorts of weird and stupid rules. She might have her own reasons to not let you go to sleepovers - have you, say, asked her?

I love everything my sister loves, but I will not admit it. I know she and her friends will make fun of me. I know my parents will chastise me and correct me. I am learning the rules, and I am learning that boys liking girl things is a very high stakes issue. I am learning that adults react the same way to my interest in makeup as they do to my interest in matches and lighters.

Oh, you're learning the rules, are you? Did you ever want to un-learn them, maybe question them a bit, at least wonder for a second why the rules are that way? I once asked a trans person in DMs if they'd wondered why certain gendered expectations exist, and they responded 'to be honest, I hadn't really thought about it'. Remember, trans people are supposed to know more about gender than cis people. I've known trans people IRL to obsess over the details of their passing with zero questioning of the status quo. The fact that we're supposed to consider this rhetoric to be truly radical is telling.

As if maybe, by being what I am, I might burn down something very important to them. Something that makes their life more comfortable and easy.

The reason that following gender expectations makes life comfortable and easy for 'cis women' is exactly the same as it is for you: because it means that they don't have to feel angry at the world, that they can accept that everything they learned during childhood is natural and healthy and they don't have to hate their parents, peers and other adults for demanding certain things of them, and now as adults they retain certain 'perks' for conforming. You're only fractionally better because you're rejecting one set of expectations in favour of another - but in another way you're a whole lot worse because you're literally a member of the oppressor class wearing the costume of the oppressed class and thinking that makes you privy to their experiences. You're the one with a privilege so important to you that women's freedom and liberation would burn it down.

I am jealous of my sister’s clothing. One day, home alone after school, I sneak into her room and pull on her Tinkerbell Halloween costume. I slip the elastic straps over my shoulders, then the tights along my legs. It fits.

Ah, the classic. The charitable version of me acknowledges that many trans people have been perfectly willing to admit (especially pre 2016) that they're dysphoric over sex and will accept these surface-level associations purely to help them relieve dysphoria. And I understand that. But this man claimed at the start that correlation = causation, here. And you cannot tell me that everyone who has read this will be thinking as deeply as I am - many people are fully happy to admit that this has nothing to do with sex and entirely to do with gender i.e. gendered roles and expectations. To many people, that Tinkerbell costume is synonymous with 'female'. It makes you wonder why we decided to say that vaginas are female sex organs at all, if gender can be summed up with long hair and cute pyjamas.

[behindthewox]

Behind the WoX - introduction 📌

The purpose of this blog is to provide a platform to discuss WoX sites and raise awareness of issues that exist but seem to be ignored or mismanaged by those in charge of solving them. By making issues public we can add pressure on the leadership to listen to us, as users and community members, and make the changes we feel are needed in order to make WoX the best it can be.

If you have concerns or criticism regarding a WoX site it's always best to take it to a site leader and/or mugwump first. There is no need to point out their oversights or mistakes in public without first giving them a chance to fix it. As leaders they can, and should, expect to be questioned and criticised for their actions at times, but they still deserve a fair chance to learn about the issue and adress it before being publicly attacked for what could be a simple mistake. I will assume that attempts have been made before resorting to this blog.

If the issue remains after you've raised it with the people in charge and nothing seems to happen, that is when you can submit your concerns to the blog. (If it's an issue that is clearly not a mistake but something done on purpose and it should be obvious that it will have negative consequences, I'd say it's fair game to criticise though...)

_ _ _

KEEP IN MIND

§ This blog is a place for thoughts, opinions and feelings. Opinions, thoughts and feelings are subjective and aren't necessarily correct, factual or representative of the bigger picture. A person might be incorrect or misleading in what they express but that doesn't mean their opinions/thoughts/feelings are wrong or invalid. § One person's experience or interpretation of something can differ from another person's. Again: it might not be entirely accurate and correct, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or invalid. § Being offended or upset by something doesn't necessarily mean it was done in ill intent or aimed to insult or offend you personally. Objective, fair and constructive criticism is not an insult or offense.

(click "keep reading" for instructions, rules and information about submissions)

Submissions

On this blog there is a button which says "Say something!" where anyone can submit their own posts, either linked to a tumblr account or anonymously. The feature is technically for asking questions but on this blog we accept pretty much anything you want to say or share so don't feel restricted by Tumblr's wording.

SUBMISSION RULES

Submissions that don't follow the rules may be published with edits, or not published at all. If you don't want your submission to be posted publicly on the blog, please make a clear note of it! Start the post with "DO NOT POST THIS" in all caps so I won't miss it by accident. I may decide NOT to post your submission, or save it and post at a later point. This is mainly to keep a steady and cohesive flow of content.

You are responsible for what you write. I may be the one posting your words (I take responsibility for that part of the process) and your words may not be traced back to you, but you are still responsible for the consequences they may have.

Unless you specifically request that your submission is not to be posted, remember that your submission may be posted and made public for a wide audience. If published, anyone can see what you've written. Consider the potential risks and consequences of this before you post anything.

Try not to be rude. We all have feelings and sometimes it makes sense to express them freely, but sometimes it doesn't. I try to avoid insults, and so should you.

For negative feedback and/or sensitive topics, please avoid using names and use positions instead (e.g. "teacher"). If necessary, I will edit out names and any specifics that could make the person identifiable, but I appreciate if you do it for me.

If applicable, try to back up your statements with sources and/or arguments.

English, please. I'm not gonna share submissions that I don't understand myself.

Wanna submit anonymously but still separate yourself from all the other anons? Sign off with an animal of your choice (example: Best fishes! / Anonymous Fish)

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EDITS

Sometimes I post submissions in edited form. I try to keep my edits minimal and do my best to make sure the submissions retains its' original message. Edits are entirely due to practical reasons: protecting anonymity and integrity, avoiding unnecessary drama and insults, and in some cases simply to shorten down submissions to make them more manageable.

[text] = replacing (or rephrasing) original text [-] = one or more words have been redacted [/] = one or more sentences (in some cases paragraphs) have been redacted

On occasion I might use quotes from submissions, in which case I'll use quotation marks and sign it off with your name (if provided) or simply "anon".

I save all the original submissions, as well as submissions that I don't post, in case I need to go back to it later on. If you wish to retract a submission, feel free to make contact with me and request a removal. As long as the request isn't impossible or extremely unreasonable I will respect your wishes and integrity to the best of my ability.

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I, Fish, am an amateur: I don't have any training or instruction manual to follow, I'm learning as I go along and I like to try different approaches to see what works and what doesn't. I've messed up a few times and there are things I regret with this blog, but that is part of the process.

I do my best, and but I acknowledge that sometimes that's not good enough. I can't change that, all I can do is learn and try to do better. By all means, judge me by my mistakes, but please try to see the difference between mistakes and intent.

[cookidemon]

I wrote a fanfic about jp x inner critic because no fandom is a real fandom unless there is at least one hurt/comfort fic with the two main male characters.

- - -

It had been a wonderful start.

Jp had gotten up early, done a morning routine and felt ready to start writing something today.

His mind was buzzing with ideas for stories and couldn't wait to start writing it all down for his next best story ever!

Yet.. there he was.

Lying face first in his messy bed. Glow of the computer taunted him as the page remained empty.

He had been "working" on it for half of the day now, but had nothing to show for his progress. All his words felt disgusting and forced and bland, Most of all boring.

He had done his bed earlier today but ended up messing it up again once he decided that a nap would help him be more inspired.

That was four hours ago.

Jp's mind still felt like it was buzzing but the ideas now felt more like a mob of customers trying to get through a single door on a black friday. It was a weird kind of hell, being motivated and unmotivated at the same time. All Jp could do is lie in the bed he had made for himself and wish that this feeling would leave like a status effect in a legally distinct video game.

His thoughts came to a halt when his door was knocked. Jp could just groan into his pillow as his Inner critic walked into the room.

"Jp? I'm here to beta read that story you betted i could properly criticise."

Great. Like his day couldn't get worse, of course he also had to deal with this now. Jp and his other counterparts have made a habit of playing poker every friday night.

It was all fun and games, small silly bets and insignificant trinkets lost unlike in a real casino.

Jp had a good hand and betted against Inner critic that if he won Inner critic would have to praise his next story. In retaliation Inner critic smugly betted that if he won Jp would actually let him give him constructive criticism of his work and Jp had to improve it no matter what.. and now we're here.

His Inner critic standing inside the neat mess of his room. Almost as inconsistent as Jp's writing.

This is just what this day needed,

A snarky asshole to waltz into his brooding space and tell him how lazy and unprofessional he was.. which he knew thank you very much.

Wanting this encounter to be over soon as possible Jp just pointed his hand towards the computer and it's empty page, not even bothering to raise his head from his pillow.

Could he suffocate and black out if he just kept pressing his head harder into it?

Jp couldn't see what Inner critic did but he could hear the very familiar sigh of disapproval.

"So.. one of those days huh?"

He said, voice painfully sympathetic.

God, please smithe him now. Either one Jp doesn't care, anything to be out of this situation.

Jp couldn't bring himself to respond with anything other than a half-hearted shrug. The sound of footsteps and the door opening and closing made him a bit hopeful that he was finally left alone to brood more but was dissapointed as he heard the door reopen and close.

"Well. If you do not have a story for me to read then let's try this.."

his bed dipped as Inner critic took a seat. He heard a telltale sound of a pen clicking and paper being flicked. "What kind of a story are you planning to write?"

Jp was a little confused.

Normally he would have been very against sharing his awesome ideas and concepts incase some other author might steal it and make billions with it but this case was a little different because..

"i don't know."

He just muttered into his pillow but other man persisted.

"Well then, what kind of a story do you want to write?" "I dunno.. something like space related?" Jp raised his head slightly from the pillow to see his Inner critic writing and nodding. "That's a start." He stated with a relaxed smile. Jp thought a bit harder and spoke up again.

"Maybe something like cyberpunk in space or.. something?"

"Hmm.. that could be interesting. Tell me more" Did- Did Inner critic get replaced by an alien or did he suffer a concussion?

"Uhh.. maybe like a crime drama?" "Similar to fbi?" "Yeah but a little more space crime, you know?" Inner critic dutifully kept writing whenever he spoke. Jp couldn't see what he was writing from the position but he couldn't care at the moment. For the second time today he felt motivated to make something.

They kept going on like that.

Exchanging ideas and concepts, even getting so far as making the main character and his rival.

"Let me guess.. They are gonna need a love triangle right?" Inner critic asked even though he already knew the answer. "Of course! We need a hot reporter lady and-"

Jp went on as the other just listened to his thoughts with a tender look.

Eventually it turned to evening and evening turned to night. Before it was morning Inner critic decided that they had to pull the plug on this eventually. "Alright. I think we need to go to bed. You can work on this more tomorrow, you did good progress." The other stood up and left the notes on Jp's bedside table.

"Try to rest alright? And get some food you haven't eaten all day."

God he hated how nice Inner critic sometimes was. Who did he think he was caring for Jp's wellbeing. Curse him.

Soon Inner critic left and Jp was left into his dark room again. He properly sat up and decided to take a peek at the notes Inner critic had left him. Seems like he also forgot his trustworthy pen too. Jp slid it off the paper and began to read. A light smile grew on his face as he read how passionatly the other had been noting his ramblings down, even leaving the ideas that he was critical about.

Jp now had a solid map to start writing tomorrow! And it was all thanks to..

...

Tomorrow Jp knocked on Inner critic's door holding the white pen in his hand.

- - -

The end! I wrote this on a whim in the middle of the night.

@terriblewritingadvice hey man you asked me to tag you on stuff so here you go. Enjoy a half baked fanfic with lowkey homosexual tension

[anvastya]

My boyfriend sometimes asks me if I will wear my hair straight. It makes me upset and angry. I feel humiliated. How dare he say in that casual tone 'Would you mind being someone else for me? Could you be that woman over there instead of who you are and who you have decided to be?'

I know he knows it hurts me even though he doesn't know why. And I also know that even though he doesn't know why, he also does. He wishes I was something different. He wishes my hair was long and straight and smooth and shiny, and probably blonde too. And he wishes that my skin was tanned and my body was like that woman over there, in the gym or on instagram in brightly coloured leggings and little white socks.

He acts as though each of these things independently would be a small improvement, like it's as self explanatory as hygiene - the way he takes care of his skin and teeth. I am incandescent with hidden rage.

My best male friend tells me, apropos of nothing, that men prefer long hair to short hair. I nearly snap at him. Of course I know that, statistically. But I never thought it should matter to me what men, on average, prefer because I did not wish to appeal to the average man. I was trying to appeal to someone in particular, as yet unknown to me, who had an appreciation for that which is unique. I wanted William Morris and Dante Gabriel Rosetti looking at me like Jane Burden; wild dark hair and full lips; staring stonily out from under her heavy brow; moved to invent a whole new idea of beauty to explain the feeling of seeing her.

My boyfriend feels entitled to ask for the change in me because he himself changes his hair to become something new like it's nothing. He grew it long and now he goes to an expensive Japanese hairdresser to get it cut and permed into artfully tousled curls. I'm touched by his earnestness but disdain his vanity. (But really this is because, in my own vanity, I feel his admiration for his own looks should rightly be directed at my beauty, and I feel cheated at its misdirection).

Everything about who I am is carefully negotiated with my principles. About beauty and timelessness, truth to materials, daily practices, otherworldliness, individuality, belonging, and the ways time is spent. He does not understand my ideas about authenticity, I think because his sense of himself is so radically unstable. He seems to construct himself opportunistically depending on his circumstances. But I have dragged the burden of myself too far and across too many uneven and inhospitable terrains to abandon her now.

My anger is not precisely anger at him, as I believe he can't help it. It is disappointment in him and in the world. I had hoped for someone who would share and augment my vision of myself. I had hoped that I would be more than a woman who can offer the things a woman offers to the average man. But to him I am not more than that. I am no more than the sum of my parts, and I am starting to see myself as foolish for expecting anything different.

At a raclette party last Friday I spoke with a colleague who had known my best male friend at their residential hall at university. I pre-emptively declared 'I know not everyone finds him likeable'. She was non-committal in the way lawyers invariably are and merely stated the fact 'He was 30 and dating a lot of 18 year olds'. I knew this, of course, but hadn't thought about it in those terms. I know him, but I also don't. I have criticised him previously in my mind for selecting women on the basis of what he describes as some liveliness or spontaneity or emotionality that is lacking in him, which sounds perfectly reasonable but in practice translates into never being with a woman who he regards as his intellectual equal.

It seems to me that this ensures he never gets given a run for his money, and never has to endure having his mind changed about something important. It makes me dislike him a little bit. The way women seem to be interchangeable to him. The way he doesn't make himself vulnerable. And the mysterious connection between those two things. I am reminded as ever of why I never slept with him, because as I knew as a teenager, it makes me interchangeable too. Sleeping with a man makes you the sum of your parts, because at the end of the day there are only average men.

This is the return of the familiar sensation every time I look up a man I admire for his art on wikipedia, to read how many times he married, and how many divorced, how many affairs, how many women he declared his undying love to. I never know what to do with this information or what it means, but it makes me distrust the art I admired. It strikes me that even the most brilliant and creative men are unwise in some fundamental way, they have no understanding of the weight of love and what it costs. They run around like foolish children and disappoint me.

I straightened my hair to check that I still don't like it. Sometimes I imagine a different self, softer and quieter, and prettier in the ways the average man appreciates. This version of me has my boyfriend's surname, something we have agreed will never happen in real life. I still hate my hair straight. It is smooth and lifeless and flat and seems to make my features protrude too much so I look tired and lumpy.

I want my white skin and my black cloud of curls staring darkly out of a 1930s photograph, with a long cigarette holder in my hand. I am thinking again of the sullen photographs of Jane Morris whose Victorian shirtwaists seem to hang off her stiffly, like this is a costume and the real her is enrobed and enthroned in a mythical garden somewhere.

I can't give my real self up. My real self is the only insurance policy I have against the risks of living. I think there is probably no such thing as making the right choices and having a happy life. What I mean by that is I think there is no true union, there is only the different ways you can be together and alone with different people at different times. I have to have myself to come back to or, inevitably, one day I will have nothing. Beauty lasts only for a moment, so I can't afford to invest too much of myself in that stock, I must focus instead on becoming wise.

[human-still-developing]

Constructive Criticism: A Guide

Hey everyone :)) Here's a quick guide that I've created for giving others constructive criticism. This is by no means 'all inclusive' and you should of course use your own judgment before sending anyone feedback of any kind, but here a few general rules that I use when writing con crit (as a professional editor) <3

For those wondering, don't worry, I'm still working on another SoC rant and some more poetry but this is just an interesting aside I thought I might post :DD

So without any further ado, the concrit rules:

Firstly and most importantly, don't provide constructive criticism unless the writer has explicitly asked for feedback. If you're asked by a friend to 'let me know what you think' -- this is generally an opening for support, rather than concrit

Be sure to read the text as an objective piece of work, with a clear frame of mind. These may seem like obvious stipulations, but avoid reading anything for the couple of hours before you read the work to prevent your mind being swayed to a particular judgment (e.g. reading a famous poet's work might make you more critical of a novice writer's first poetry). On that point, remember:

You are not here to give judgement! Avoid stating any terms like "Overall, this piece of work is good enough for ...." or "I think that I would rate this work a ../10". Your job is to provide an analysis of the text in front of you, not its value or worth

Okay, so now to the actual concrit. Lets say you've read this person's work and you're ready to give your feedback:

Always open up with your interpretation of the work so that the writer can see what exactly you are thinking as you are analysing. This statement could be something as simple as "The poem that you've sent me was an evocative teenage love story intersected with romantic poetry to show the everlasting nature of love". In the case that you have mis-interpreted the text, this allows the writer to take your further evaluations with a grain of salt and also gives them a subtle nudge to perhaps improve the clarity of their message :)

List your points in size order. What I mean by that is start with the easiest thing that the writer can fix (e.g. your basic line edit including spelling, punctation, grammar, word choice, etc.) and then slowly work down your edit as you reach the bigger ideas (e.g. major themes, overarching concepts, etc). There are a few benefits for doing it this way. Firstly, as a reader, it makes logical sense to evaluate the themes of a text after you have finished reading the entire work; this way you have a greater appreciation for the text as a whole (which is required for a concept) rather than the text as a collection of small parts. Secondly, for a writer who may be using your edit like a checklist, they can quickly 'tick-off' the easy fixes and then work the bones of their text more thoroughly (also its often hard to start editing your work and simple fixes are a good early motivator).

Afterwards, I always like to go for the 'one for one' rule. For every one feature you 'criticise', give one place where the writer as done well. These should generally be linked if possible. I'll give an example, say my friend who is writing the teenage love story has a really compelling plot that falls short due to flat characters....you'd state something like "You create a touching story that could be enhanced through better characterisation." So this way, you acknowledge the work the writer has done and also introduce your feedback. Notice how instead of criticising, I posed the above statement like an improvement. Give the person something concrete to work on!

Expand! Apart from the judgemental trope, the other trap that editors often fall into is writing wishy-washy statements that don't really have a solution. I'm sure we've all been in that english class with that one teacher who circles entire paragraphs with the overly descriptive term 'vague' and not had a clue about what to fix. Don't be that teacher! Try and list as many clear examples of what the author could touch up on and fix (without sounding too domineering of course). For example: "The characterisation of your protagonist Sue falls a little flat because it's hard to have empathy for her. You portray her as an extremely beautiful young woman who is bullied for her good looks but is still really popular....I'd suggest reconsidering how realistic this may be. You have an amazing connection built up between Sue and Alex however, perhaps a greater focus on that rather than so much description about Sue might be more effective :)"

Finally, wrap everything up with a nice (generally uplifting) conclusion. My advice is that no matter how terrible the text you have just read, the writer has taken the steps to go out and send you their work! This is much more difficult that it seems! Congratulate them for their effort, perhaps point out some of the nicest parts of their work. I like to add short quotes from the work that I found particularly interesting at the end. This not only leaves them on a happier note but also makes them feel comfortable and safe about sharing their work and moving to improve it! Remember, you have had plenty of time to talk about the flaws, this is the time to build up their morale and let them work through everything.

Okay, so now you've written out your concrit. Here are a few things you should do before sending it to the person:

Give the text another read! I cannot emphasise how important this point is!!! Often themes or concepts that might not have made too much sense the first time become a lot clearer now that you are in the world of the text. Also you can make sure that your critiques actually match the work :)

Give your concrit a read. Try and avoid basic spelling and grammar mistakes and make sure you don't sound too patronising or rude. Perhaps sprinkle some other nice things in there too :)

Remember, a piece of writing is often someone's baby! It can be personal and vulnerable for someone to hear its criticism. Be kind and supportive in your work!

If everything is good, send through your concrit to the person. Generally I like to wait a few days or until the person themselves reaches out to me again before talking about the text anymore. Give them some time to process; allow them the space to decide what they want to do with their work.

Sometimes, your writer might not take all of your edits on board. That is perfectly okay! You, like any other human being, can be flawed and have opinions that don't align with someone else. At the end of the day, it is not your work that you are giving concrit to and it is entirely the writer's decision of how they want to shape their work. Try not to take ignored concrit too personally :)

So there you have it; a relatively comprehensive guide to giving concrit. Whether it be for the next literary journal you edit or for that fanfiction you've read (with a writer specifically asking for concrit ofc), I hope some of these tips and tricks help you in your editing work :) If you have any questions, feel free to ask me (I love asks, comments and DMs) :))) I might consider doing beta reading here in the future and if you have requests you can also contact me as above!

Concrit is welcome for this article (ironic, isn't it?) cos I've literally written it all in one sitting and not even had a glance over it before posting (terrible writing advice...don't do that) :) Reblogs and likes are also extremely appreciated!!! Anyways, happy editing out there folks :)

Until next time,

Hics <3

[starfruit-baby]

Detroit Become Human is such a flawed game. I just got done playing it, and in some parts it was downright triggering. But I really like your blog, and a lot of the fandom, that see through the "pacifism is the answer to oppression" bullshit the game tries to shove down our throats, and have good takes in general about the characters and the storyline. Maybe you could offer your two cents? It still makes me wonder if it's right of me to engage in the fandom, even like this. I'm not black, or jewish, which were the two groups most attacked by this game's depiction and appropriation of thsir struggles. I don't feel I have the right to "reclaim" this game (is that the word?), even if I have subversive takes to it.

honestly anon, im very flattered and honored to be asked this, but i have to say i dont have any solid answers much less right answers about this :( i knew DBH has oodles of problems since release, ive been heavily criticising it myself since then, but for some unknown reason ive gotten pretty hyperfixated on it (i only played it because i got it for free, i can at least say id never hand my money over to the original creators), and i can only say my view on this (and most media of this genre), and its that i think it can be a constructive thing to criticise media from whatever background you have (?). i consider myself a huge hater because almost every media i like ill do exactly this, ill enjoy stories and aspects of it but basically go through a looking glass to each "social issue problem" (idk what to call it, sorry) i can spot to keep myself updated i guess? i dont always discuss it to not be the party pooper though

i came to tumblr also because it seems to be the most open to this, talking about the bad not just of the story but the choices made along bringing this game to life. for DBH in particular my thoughts are that there are a lot of good points it either accidentally made or just about missed the opportunity to do in regards of technology with capitalism, humanity's desensitization to abuse towards human-like things, and sometimes i try analysing why the horrible parts even exist or what makes them horrible if that makes sense? for example i may be wrong, but the North x Josh rivalry sort of came off to me as pitting two oppressed groups against each other as almost a test of your own morals, would you as the player rather side with a sexually traumatised 'angry' white woman or a violently abused 'calm' black man? when this is a mechanic that doesnt make sense, with the fucked up mind of the producers behind this, it wouldnt really be a big shock if it was the case. i also think its incredibly ableist in its methods, the old disabled man keeps yearning for his death and musing about humans being far inferior for their "fragile existence", and the game visibly intends for you to believe him "wise" for this, while i think it not only shows their ableist beliefs, it isnt necessarily an unbelievable character? a bitter, once abled bodied healthy and wealthy man suddenly deprived of some of his "liberty" would clearly become nihilistic once hes got just one of his priviledges stripped from him, imo

i also am appreciative of recreational work, if im being frank! derivative works are something i personally really really enjoy, since im pretty bad at inventing things from scratch? and ive seen fix its from people that basically take some of the monstrosities in the game and either recontextualise them or reframe them way better

in conclusion, im too biased to give you a good answer, so my middle of the road answer is always "enjoy things but with a critical mind and avoid giving money as much as possible" :/

[ocvtis]

Platonic matchup for @spring-in-space

_

I match you with...

Fischl and Satan 💋

Fischl doesn't have many friends as many people tend not to approach her, considering her personality 'bizarre'; but you have been lucky enough to be included among the few people Fischl considers trustworthy companions, and because of this, even if she is not very open in admitting it, she cares a lot about you and is happy to have you by her side

Fischl has lost count of how many people have criticised her for her passions and how she behaves, both in the past and in the present, so she understands perfectly how you feel. She would comfort and encourage you to be yourself and be proud of the things you like, because all those things make you the fantastic person you are now. She is aware that for insecurities like that, motivational words are not enough, so she would do everything she can to support you and stay by your side

Fischl is an expert in writing stories and bringing her fantasies to life, so she would be happy to listen/read your stories! And trust me, she is the kind of person who gets easily immersed so she might get a little too excited listening to your stories

She is a member of the adventure guild so she too has had the chance to travel and see many new environments; she would be happy to invite you to her quests if you want! Of course she'd offer you her protection, she wouldn't want her friend to get hurt by going up against hilichurls, or more fearsome enemies!

Are you a person who likes to listen? Then I guess you won't mind Fischl's endless speeches. Aah, how she loves to talk about her noble deeds to her companions. :')

I don't know if Fischl likes cats, but my headcanon is that they are among her favourite animals >:). Anyway, she is very supportive of your dream! She already imagines visiting your café after a hard day's work, and creating an adorable army of cats under her command mwahaha

_

You are very honest with each other and get along easily, what also unites you is your interest in learning new things and the fact that you are comfortable being in each other's company; in short, you have a healthy and wholesome friendship <3

He is a person who thinks too much, and is often insecure about himself, so someone like you who is always ready to listen to others and reassure him makes him calmer and clears his mind of negative thoughts; he is very grateful for this, so he always makes sure to remind you how lucky he is to be your friend

Satan has read a lot of books, so he could help you shape your story as you like, giving you useful advice and constructive criticism

When I read about your dream of opening a cat book cafe I was immediately reminded of Satan dmwmss. Hearing this news would make him the happiest person in all of Devildom, nay, the world! This man LOVES cats and when your dream comes true you can be sure he will be one of your regulars. He would probably be tempted to leave the House of lamentation and move to the cat café instead lmao

He'd invite you to visit art galleries with him and recommend his favourite series, namely those about detectives; if by chance you're not a fan of the genre but simply enjoy watching dramas you can organise movie nights, where you take it easy and eat snacks while enjoying episodes

Other potential matches: Xinyan, Beelzebub

[wakraya]

don't know what was up with the art, my guess is a somewhat less experienced member of the art team did this update, but the fact that people are shitting on it so hard? like, the art has charm even if it might not have the same xamag level polish, and the fact that people are calling it a "punishment" by the HS^2 team? Thats shitty, because its not the clever jab at the team that they think it is, its only insulting the effort of a few, or even 1 artist who worked on the update.

Yeah! I honestly feel really bad for whoever did the art because, it’s not horrible like many are making it out to be! And particularly the people using it to scream like how the Team is bad or whatever, people are sooooo quick to jump at the throats of people, throw insults and laugh at their faces.

Also I am not even sure if Xamag is the artist for many of the prior updates! I know she’s not the Art Director since a long while ago, so I can’t quite tell whether she hasn’t contributed since, or she has and is just not directing, but like, there has been a variety of artists and styles, and while this was less refined, it wasn’t the worst thing ever by a LONG shot. @.@ That said, it’s kinda fun seeing the redraws of the panels pop up.

Honestly it’s kinda sad? Because like, this was probably the worst update. It wasn’t bad, I am not saying it was bad. It was funny, and fluffy, and silly, but it was just Roxy and Dave talking, the art was less refined than prior updates, there wasn’t much, it was just a mindless little respite after the Candy Stuff. So I do think it was the ‘worst’ in those terms. It was just silly fun. And as such, you can absolutely come up with constructive criticism! About pacing, about art stuff... But ignoring the larger context of Hiveswap coming out, and the large amount of people just being mean, overdramatic, going too far, make it hard to like, actually criticise, because you end up fearing you will sound like the people going too far, so it’s just. A mess that helps nobody.

I personally really liked the different artstyle of this update, if they made more panels like that i won't mind.

And of course across the people that seemingly ABHOR the update, bluh bluh huge entitled britches, there’s people like this other anon! I’ve seen people seriously cracking up at the interactions and calling Dave an icon! I’ve seen already three or four discord users with Jade or Dave from this update as icons. I’ve seen people skeptical of HS^2 do a heel-turn on this one and really just, enjoy the fun of this update. I’ve been enough out there in the sea of really liking an update a lot of people didn’t, and it’s not the best, to say the least.

It’s almost 6 AM, I wanted to wait for a video to render but, fuck it, I’m just going to leave my PC on and let it finish overnight. Hiveswap Act 2 was wonderful and I had a blast playing it and I’ve got a bunch of fun theories and ideas. This upd8 was a good, silly respite after a really tense and busy month between the Elections, the release, that I personally really appreciated. I’m just so tired, at this point, y’all. I’m tired of having a list of filtered names on XKit that I NEVER see pop-up when things are good and fun, but that always, without fail, pop in to throw shit in the tag the instant they get the chance. I’m tired of getting hate in my Inbox every day because I DARE like that Jade is horny in post-canon and just chillin’ in this last update. I’m tired of seeing people like me who are working in good will even if they fuck up at times, on the stuff I love, having what would be my dream job, get kicked down by the so-called fans to the point they’re afraid of putting their names out there.

I’m gonna go sleep now so see y’all tomorrow.

[putschki1969]

Kala rant anon here: what you say about fandom on that site is everything wrong in online fandom. I don't believe criticism is 100% wrong. The important parts are how, when, where, why. Tearing things down, phrasing opinions cruelly, pushing negativity into everything, constantly bringing up the same issues, all that makes it toxic. And that's everywhere. "I don't like [song]"? Ok. "[Song] is [bad, period; Wakana's voice; Kajiura's flaws; Keiko never gets to sing]"? No. We've heard that enough.

Hi there and welcome back!

Yeah, those are not issues exclusive to the Kalafandom. I am seeing thatkind of stuff in all of my fandoms. It’s just that I am not as invested in anyof my other fandoms so it doesn’t bother me as much there. The internet is botha blessing and a curse. Thanks to the internet fandoms are thriving, everythingis readily available and it’s never been easier to interact with fellow fans.However, the internet has also enabled people to be assholes without ever havingto suffer any consequences. The degree of fandom involvement is also muchhigher than it used to be. This has led people to believe that they areentitled to interfere with the object of their admiration. Back in the dayinvolvement was limited to fan art, fanfiction, fan theories etc…In the presentday people think that being a fan gives you the right to dictate the things youlove. In their eyes they OWN their favourite work or favourite star and ifthings don’t go according to plan, all hell breaks loose. The truth is, thecreators own their works and the stars/idols own themselves. They can dowhatever they want, whether or not the fandom likes that is irrelevant. If yourvision doesn’t align with your favourite writer’s/singer’s vision then you areobviously in the wrong fandom. Or maybe you have just outgrown your fandom, it’stime to move on. Unfortunately, these days fans are like spoiled little kids. Theyare stubborn and want to change things so they are happy with the result, they tryto force their vision on the creators and everyone else who listens. *sighs* It’sa real shame…

What you say about criticism is absolutely right. While I will be the firstone to admit that I am not a fan of criticism and I personally have a hard timebeing criticised, I KNOW that it’s not actually a bad thing when it’s done RIGHT.As you say, it’s all about how it is done. Here’s a hint, if you are beingdisrespectful then it is NOT done right. If you are using a ton of unnecessarynasty words, it’s NOT done right. And don’t get me wrong, I am not saying thatbecause I am a prude or anything. I don’t mind cursing, I actually curse a lot.But there’s a time and place to use your bad mouth and it’s not when you aretalking about something/someone you claim to love. Maybe I am old-fashionedbecause I seem to be the only one who thinks that way. I don’t know…there areso many things that don’t make sense to me….                                 

                                                                                 Anonymous said:                                                                            Often, the criticism is not about technical things or things which can be improved on - but rather silly things like the choice of clothes. Some people were actually very funny to me becuase they sounded like judgemental teenage girls gossiping... saying something like "Wakana need to work on stopping her notes being flat" is totally fine, but adding tones of nasty words and then criticising her style/look that she has went for. If you dislike the whole style of wakana's work just leave!            

Helloagain!

Adding this comment to this post since I guess it is adirect response to it. Yup, most criticism doesn’t have anything to do with positive/constructivefeedback, most of the stuff I am reading are attacks below the belt. If you arecriticising their style, sense of fashion or singing preference then that is apersonal attack. To each their own, it’s something Ihave been taught as a little child and I still live by this idiom. I wishothers would too.

And as I have mentioned in a previous post, I believe theyalways do their best. Their best might not always be what we consider to be „good“from a critical point of view but there is not much we can do about it....Complaining about it again and again won’t change anything about it...

And yes, many fans do indeed sound like gossiping teenagegirls

[human-still-developing]

The River Analogy

Hi guys :)) Welcome back to my rambles about writing and editing. I was asked a few times over DM and Ask about the 'River Analogy' that I keep on commenting/talking about so I thought I might share it with y'all. This is something which I think applies editing at every level, whether it be line-editing, copy-editing, beta-reading or constructive criticism. So lets get into it <33

What exactly is the River Analogy?

The River Analogy is a mechanism I use to teach new editors about editing other people's work. It goes something like this:

Imagine the piece of work that you have been given to edit is a river owned by the author. You, a small boat, are asked to float down this river to where it intends to meet the sea (the writer's audience and greater society) to 'test the waters'.

The key features to take away from this analogy is to remember the position of the editor, the writer, the audience and the work. So lets talk about all of these in a little more detail :)

The Audience

It seems silly to talk about the audience first but since the entire directive of editing is to create something which other people and the author can appreciate and cherish, we have to keep them in mind throughout the entire process. The audience in the river analogy are described as the people from 'the sea'. There's a couple of reasons for this:

The sea is a unchangeable part of this analogy. You can work with the river, you can't really do anything to the sea. You pump water into this larger body of water but the way that they react to it is something that the river (the work), its owner (the writer) or the boat (the editor) cannot change.

The ocean, like the river, is all made of water! Writing often reflects, criticises or praises some aspect of society as it is. In Seamus Heaney's words, writing is made to 'continue, hold, dispel, appease'. No writing is ever going to be completely distinct from the ocean it comes from :)

The audience is going to consist of people who will ride their boats along the river the writer has created. They derive from this greater 'sea' of society and will experience this work (hopefully more than once) to gain some insight about the sea that they belong too :)

The Writer

The analogy describes the writer as 'the owner of the river'. There's this lovely Gwen Harwood poem (who's name eludes me at this moment) about the writer being 'an other self' to the writing. The writer has created this river but there are aspects of it they cannot control themselves. However, all the parts that can be controlled should be and will be controlled by them :)

The Editor

That's you! You have a very important place in this whole scheme; you are here to test how the river flows. While you don't have any decision making on the river, you are the only one who can actually watch it move from its conception and understand what its like to float down it. You can see places where the river-bank might need to be widened. You can see where rocks and curves in the path may slow down the river too much and other open expanses of water which might make the river flow too fast. You can spot out clever places to draw bridges and make interesting connections.

However, its important for you as the editor to also recognise there are parts of the river that cannot be changed. This brings me to the final part of our equation, the work.

The Work

The work is depicted as a river. It may be an independent piece of work, or part of something larger. It flows out to the audience and has parts that can or cannot be changed.

What can we change from the river?

The speed it flows at (to some extent). We can add buffers to slow down the river at tricky bends to prevent the audience from being thrown off.

The decorations along the river-bank (e.g. we can sprinkle some nice writing and lovely techniques along the way if parts of the writing look too plain)

The bridges it has across it (e.g. clever symbols or metaphors that give the work a deeper intellectual meaning).

What can we not change from the river?

Where it goes (e.g. the direction/message/objective/main concept behind the actual work is hard to change without changing the entire work).

How popular it will be (again depends on the audience).

How it interacts with other bodies of water (can be changed using bridges and direct connections to some extent but the relationship between pieces of writing is something which continues to elude a lot of writers).

So, what should we do?

As editors, you have a responsibility to equip the writer with the best tools to enhance their work and point out places where they can make their work stronger. Using this river analogy helps me make sense of the place of an editor in the greater gist of things and provide realistic feedback to a writer which they can actually use effectively. Furthermore, its something which I fall back to when I feel upset if a writer doesn't take my advice (which may be due to their own decision or a fault of my own) or if their work doesn't gain the traction I think it deserves.

After all, we're all just boats, floating and creating rivers of our own <3

As always, thank you so much for reading this entire ramble of text and I hope you got something out of it. If parts of it don't make sense (likely as often analogies don't have a perfect representation of real life) or if you have questions/want to rant with me, feel free to DM or send an ask because I'm always open to talk :)

Otherwise, re-blogs, comments and likes are most welcome <33

Until next time!

Hics <3

P.S. If you're interested in my other editing guide, check it out here: https://human-still-developing.tumblr.com/post/687842858928111616/constructive-criticism-a-guide#notes

[corecrochet-blog]

Blog #2 Thursday, July 18th - You Should Practice What You Preach

Own It

Have you ever tried to venture outside your comfort zone to learn something new? If so, you'll know that it's easier said than done due to the amount of hurdles you may have to overcome initially.

So what do you do? Many people have found success by turning to their peers, YouTube videos, or even buying a course. I believe that there are a few things you should know before you tackle a new endeavor.

In my last post I challenged many of you to write down the barriers to a goal that you deemed difficult or unattainable. I’m a big believer of practicing what I preach, and this blog will detail my journey over the course of this week as I took a spoonful of my own medicine and challenged myself to expand my crochet abilities. I owned it.

The Three Golden Rules

If you're looking for a shortcut to achieving success, this isn’t the blog for you. The best method to ensure success in anything you do is by focusing on these three pivotal concepts.

1) Failure Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

When you first begin a new endeavor, you should always train your mind to understand that things may not turn out perfectly on your very first attempt. If it isn't, you'll have trouble coming to grips with the outcome of your efforts, and you’ll be more likely to get frustrated and throw in the towel.

My first blog was titled, ‘Allow Yourself To Fail and See What Happens.’ This blog was an embodiment of me coming to grips with the idea that this vision would not be easy to obtain. Part of what held me back over these last few months was simply not being able to live with the fact that it may not work out how I intended.

I allowed my mind to cripple my ambition, my aspirations, and my efforts. My own doubt was a crutch until I sat and evaluated how bad I wanted this. I encourage you to evaluate what’s important in your life.

You’d be amazed how many projects I started and set aside because I didn’t like the way things were going. I often ponder where I would be now if I’d simply learned from what worked and what didn’t work during those moments of frustration.

Over the course of your journey to reach whatever it is you wish to attain, enjoy every part of the journey. Enjoy the small successes that are birthed out of inconvenient setbacks.

My commitment to enjoying this process has led me to bringing to life these products you see below. In five days I went from having little to no knowledge of crocheting baby products to having a respectable collection of products that I felt comfortable making.

Personalize At: www.corecrochet.com/babylovers

When things don't initially work out, stop and take a step back. Then breathe, evaluate the situation, and identify what can be done differently going forward. The difference between yourself and a millionaire is that they didn’t allow a minor setback to prevent them from reaching their goals.

You shouldn't either.

2) Step Outside Your Comfort Zone For Help.

This is a problem many people I know struggle with. I’ve often struggled with putting myself out there and ‘bothering’ someone with a question that I felt they would think was trivial or stupid.

I never wanted to be the person that was annoying someone with constant questions and problems. In a way it was due to insecurities I had with myself. I felt that people viewed me as someone that had it all together, when the reality was I was just stumbling along like them.

What I’ve learned is that there are so many tools out there to help people like you and I. YouTube is a great tool that I've become best friends with. Not only are there insurmountable tutorial videos for projects large and small, there are so many people out there that simply want to help.

Over the course of this week, I’ve noticed that after I posted a seemingly simple comment, there was an influx of people that joined my thread of comments searching for the same information. It was almost like the bystander effect for social media. Everyone had the same question, but no one wanted to stick their necks out and ask it.

In turn I noticed that I gained more information than I’d originally intended because the sum of the parts was greater than the individual pieces. The internet is a great tool to gain information and while many of you are uneasy about confronting people face to face with questions, the internet offers an invisibility cloak to allow you to seek information without direct judgment.

This week I’ve learned that chances are if I had a question, there were at least one or two other people with the same question. So, I encourage to not let your uneasiness get the best of you. Ask away. There are so many wonderful people on the internet that would love to help you out.

How can they do that if you don't seek help?

3) Tune Out The Doubters.

My last tip is very simple in concept, but difficult in application. In the heat of frustration, it’s easy to listen to those that simply don’t want to see you succeed. I advise you to ignore them.

Instead, ensure that you have a committed support system around you to offer constructive criticism, rather than people that only want to criticise. People often live within their comfort zone and are afraid of taking a chance by venturing out to try something new.

Their insecurities manifest in the form of them suggesting you quit what you’re doing. Don’t listen to them and don’t quit.

Earlier in this post I mentioned enjoying the journey and the nay-sayers are definitely part of the journey. Those that question and doubt you now will be asking for your help and support in the future.

Conclusion

In conclusion, you now have my most successful tips for success. Of course there are many more tips I could offer, but I try to keep my blog posts short, sweet, and to the point.

If there is anything that you’d like me to go more in depth about, I encourage you to email me at info@corecrochet.com. Not only am I more than willing to help, reaching out to ask for help with concepts that are foreign to you is my second tip for success, as mentioned above.

As we head into the weekend, I challenge you all to ask your friends and family what are some of the goals or projects they are working towards. Then, I encourage you to ask them how you can assist them in reaching their goal.

Like I mentioned earlier, many people let their fear of asking a question prevent them from being great. My current success now can be attributed towards my friends reaching out to me and asking me what I needed. Had I not expressed my desire to start this crochet business, I would not have been approached by my business partner with the answers to my question in the form of a website, product catalogue, and business cards as mentioned in last weeks blog post.

To shop any of the new product I’ve created this week, visit https://www.corecrochet.com/babylovers.

Thank you all for continuing to be a valuable part of my success! You can check out last weeks blog by clicking this link: https://www.corecrochet.com/post/successinfailure.

[bewareofchris]

Hello! Thank you for answering the previous message! I just want to ask, what should I do with people who criticised me without giving me a chance to explain or even let my story grow to its full potential? They seem to like dragging me down with hate and spiteful comments anonymously. I usually just ignore them but some struck hard like accusing me of having fetish on abusive relationship and/or encouraging self-harm. It's very tiring but I don't plan to leave my story just like that.

+ Criticism is hard; especially if any part of it strikes us in our doubts.  But real, viable criticism often is intended to educate/help fix whatever the source of the criticism is.  Which means if this anonymous person is saying “well this was THIS because of THIS,” it doesn’t hurt to take a look at whatever THIS was and see if it does need adjusting/fixing.

+ “trolling” on the other hand is a bunch of faceless anonymous folks on the internet shouting hateful things at people because they think anonymity gives them a pass on basic human decency.  I’m not sure what setting you are publishing on but most platforms allow you to block anonymous messages.  This is a 100% reasonable and useful option if your own mental health/happiness is being damaged by faceless hate.  Don’t be afraid to use this option, even if its only temporary.

+ I have limited actual experience with faceless hate but I have had a number of very, very passionate (negative) responses to various stories I’ve had.  My own personal tendency is to leave them as is.  I don’t respond to them, I don’t defend my story and I don’t try to make things “right” or “better” for the person that left me the review.  In fact, I literally never defend my story.  Its important to keep in mind that your story is yours and if you write it as best you can, with the message (or question) that you want, there’s almost never going to be a need to defend it.  I’ve been writing (on the internet) for over a decade and I have gone through phases where it felt crucial to defend myself/my story from people who disagreed with me.  It felt like my very belief system/self worth hinged on me being able to get the anons to understand and agree with me.  

+  ok, but its not.  This circles back to, have faith in yourself and in your story.  And as hard as it is (and it was very difficult for me, at first) accept that everyone will have their own opinion and that people will feel compelled to share that opinion with you.  Their opinion is not the true value of your story or of your ability to tell stories.  It’s literally only their opinion.  

+ in fact, story time:

So back when I was a small child (I was like 19, I think), I wrote this story with a name I forget.  It was a DBZ story wherein Vegeta (PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS) had been kidnapped (sort of) and forced to work in a brothel (sort of) and Goku (SAVIOR) was (sort of) sent to rescue him.  The plot was kind of convoluted because it was written during my I AM GOD OF ALL THINGS phase, but there is a part fairly early on in the story where you are TOLD by Vegeta himself/the narration that he voluntarily let (Bad Guy, idk which one it was) put this like mind control button thing on/in him.  Now this did not set well with a variety of people but this one person was like: I absolutely cannot believe you’d do this and I will never read your writing again.  In a mad dash of desperation I literally explained the entire plot of the story to this person in an effort to convince them that just because it APPEARED that Vegeta voluntarily let himself be turned into a mindless sex slave, there actually never was a choice.  I mean, I wrote impassioned essays to this person defending my every single choice.  Because I thought I had to.  They did come back and read the story and we were pals for a bit after that.  But the thing was, I knew my story would disprove Vegeta’s claim, and that it would explain itself.  At 19, I didn’t have the faith in myself or my story to let it speak for itself.  This desperation that I unleashed on this person was all my self-doubt as a writer that I couldn’t make the point without explaining it first.  

+ story time #2

fast forward to 2014 (I think) and you’ll find a story on AO3 called Safety and Peace that seems to attract people who hate it like a moth to flame I’ve got:

“I hate your Malik. Murderers and rapists are inhuman and have a special place in hell, and people who lie, even by omission, about being raped are scum who do not deserve good things.”

“I hate this story. UI hate it because I now how he feels. I wake up just about every morning, crying, because I am a girl, and I hate My body so much, and, what people expect you to do with it. But, I hate HIM. Your character. Because, if I was him, I would not have been a COWARD. I would have KILLED Myself, before ANYONE could FORCE Me, or put a PARASITE in Me. (And if I could not, I would kill the UNWANTED child. Everyone of his IDEALS he let fall, to being called MOTHER at the end. Just what makes him a COWARD, again.) I'd rather die. There are worse whtings then death. And I'd face it if not gladly, bravely. This story made Me SICK. At ALTAIR, at his WIFE, at Malik, at EEVRYONE. Maybe that is a sign of your powerful writings, I don't know, all I know is that this is the final nail in the coffin of Me EVER reading another omega fic. Because, I can't feel this sick ever again, and, even though there are SOME rare good ones, where O's FIGHT, and do not let people FUCK AND BREED them like CATTLE, but, they are too few, and, I keep finding fics like THIS, that make Me to sad, and push Me ever closer to making that decision about a sex change, because of the fucking NIGHTMARES I have. Omegas, (WOMYN.) are not just broodmares, uterus's, the sum of there parts, (SOME of us, HATE kids, and want our body for our OWN, and do not, will not WILLINGLY, WILL NEVER HAVE KIDS. FUCK YOU WORLD.) but, there fics remind Me how it used to be for this gender, and, STILL IS, in too many places. I can't stand it, and , these fics just make it worse. So, no more for Me. Good writing, but, the CONTENT....... Sigh. Bye.”

and:

“oh god it was awful and not in the good wayit was simply horrible... I expected good things out of it but I am disappointed”

Just comments, sitting on my story.  Reminding me that these people basically hated everything about it.  In my head, I’ve probably provided counter-arguments to these statements but I wouldn’t put the effort into typing them.  Because it’s not about me or my story, it’s about their perception and their experiences and how my story spoke them.  I can’t control that.  (This is the wisdom I’ve gotten after a decade of trying.)

+ in summation: take a minute to reflect on any genuine constructive criticism, remember you do not owe anonymous people on the internet any explanation, have faith in your story to explain your meaning, and do not be afraid to turn off anonymous comments for your own well-being.

(and I’m sorry if I got side tracked, or if I rambled.  I do that.)