#i don't think i even conveyed what i wanted to

[lurkingshan]

What are your favorite examples of deep unbridled yearning in a bl? I think my is I told the sunset about you the way they used the coconut smell to showcase one the leads feelings for the other was so unique and sensual. He starts out hating coconut and how it smells but slowly as he falls in love he becomes obsessed with it since it's the other MLs unique scent and he uses it on everything, so we get a scene of him inhaling a paper written by the MLs coconut pen and then another one just devouring a coconut like it's the best thing in earth. I don't think I have ever seen such a depiction of attraction/love/lust that's so different but also visceral and beautiful and it really stuck with me. It's very different but it's one of the rare romance things that I'll never forget akin to the hand flex from pride and prejudice.

So you want to talk about yearning.

*Lan Wangji has entered the chat*

There’s a lot of good yearning in the romance genre, and plenty of bls feature it. The example you gave from ITSAY is definitely one of the standouts in terms of how visceral it felt. I will never forget Teh shoving his whole face into that coconut, or all the super charged scenes where he and Oh-aew stare at and touch each other and keep testing boundaries until they break.

There are definitely other expressions of yearning that stick out for me for one reason or another, and not all in this same tone.

The Untamed

Let’s get this out of the way upfront, because no one can step to this man on yearning. He adopted a whole child and named him after his yearning for his lost love. What I love about the presentation of Lan Wangji's particular flavor of yearning is how steady and matter of fact it is. He is always yearning for Wei Wuxian and it's just a part of who he is, whether his love is alive or dead. And while I love that Teh is such a big mess of emotions, I also like this more understated flavor of yearning where nothing is ever said out loud but Lan Wangji's feelings are clear in how he chooses to live his life. He's the poster boy for "actions speak louder than words."

Eternal Yesterday

I'm not sure if you've seen this one, but it's one of the most poignant and devastating depictions of yearning I have ever seen. Mitsuru yearned for Koichi so hard that he kept his body alive for precious extra days and his memory alive forever. Brb gonna go cry.

Utsukushii Kare 2

This is probably one of the more unique expressions of the emotion (on brand for this series), since this sequel season has Kiyoi yearning for the man who is already his boyfriend to love him for real instead of idolizing and holding him from a distance. It's one of my favorite explorations of how lonely we can feel even while in a relationship.

I Cannot Reach You

This show wins for best visual effects to convey yearning, with a beautiful bokeh effect taking over the screen in moments when the characters were extra in their feelings over each other.

Unknown

Wei Yuan's yearning was more of the desperate and hopeless variety, especially in his teens years when he knew his feelings for his adoptive older brother were impossible. I liked that his feelings were expressed via caretaking; he didn't think he could have the relationship he really wanted with Wei Qian, so he made it his mission to take care of him and help shoulder his burdens instead.

I Feel You Linger in the Air

This story stands out in my memory for its dedication to anticipatory yearning. That is, knowing a separation is coming against your will and yearning desperately for the person who is still in front of you. Yai and Jom did not want to let each other go despite knowing they could not stay together, and that yearning was so strong it ultimately connected them through time.

Theory of Love

And on the comedic end of the spectrum, I absolutely cannot end this list without giving a shoutout to one of the funniest manifestations of yearning that has ever graced my screen. Every time his feelings for Khai got overwhelming, Third ran to the bathroom for a Sadness Shower, and if the water wasn't working he was happy to improvise (and now I am cackling).

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 15

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

PREVIOUS (FF) CHAPTER:

FIRST CHAPTER:

When I wake up I am not in Niki's room. It's the first thing I notice, I can't help but rise up startled to look around, am I already in cage? Is this how this day begins? Did Niki let him do it or did he wait for him to come out?

I sigh, still wearing last night's tshirt, briefs, and my mouth is bitter from smoking and not brushing my teeth, too tired.

Sunghoon enters in his room, he has an all too smug smile, seems to almost feel pity for me, I should too.

"You even bothered to bring me here?"

"I didn't feel like waiting for you to wake up from Niki's room." Amment serene.

I sneer, annoyed, as I get off his bed. "What are the plans for today?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm not going to do anything with you."

I hear him burst out laughing as I sigh looking at Heeseung's chat, did the idiot really send me the morning?

"What did you do yesterday? With Niki."

I lift my tired, sleepy gaze to his, then smile. "We did it every which way, first I was on top of him, then him. Forward, back, I had him all over." I see him laughing, yes, he's laughing, but only because he doesn't want to show that he's bothered by this, after all, he knows it could have really happened (and it did, but not in these ways and certainly not lightly).

"Oh yeah? So you like the much smaller ones? Gross."

"Riki is my bias, after all." I laugh too, walking to leave the room.

He doesn't stop me but follows me, and I go to the kitchen to make myself a long espresso. "So, nothing to do today either?"

"No, nothing in particular. - He explains, walking away to get a small bottle of water from the fridge. - So, do you have Heeseung's number now, Jake? Niki probably gave you his too, didn't?"

"Do you want to give me yours too?" I ask, approaching the fridge to get some milk to stain coffee with, he opens the door for me. I look at his face for less than a second, then sigh and pick up the brick, moving away again to pour it into the cup. He takes his time answering me, who knows what he's thinking-probably wondering what he could say to make me feel worse.

"You already have so many people you can call in times - he says, approaching the door - you don't need my number too."

So, he crosses the hall and disappears. I am left alone with my coffee and some doubt, as well as a strange bitterness in my chest, better not to think about it. I check social since it's been a while since I've done so and surprise surprise, I choke when I find out that with his official account Yeonjun actually wrote me on instagram.

Of course he doesn't follow me, but since I have the open account he can write to me.

In the meantime, Sunghoon has returned to the kitchen with his own phone, but I am caught off guard, instinctively afraid that he might find out such a thing and therefore rail further against me.

"Do I scare you that much?" He huffs, annoyed, but continues to look at the phone screen, intent on sending messages by typing quickly. He looks agitated.

"In fact, you do convey a certain uneasiness to me - I sigh, turning off the phone screen, he notices though - but I'm not af raid of you."

"That's good - he says, but he doesn't seem at all focused or present, something is going on behind his screen. - Because it's Heeseung you should be afraid of."

I wearily lift my eyes to the sky, he took short time. I sit at the table, away from him, resuming staring at the screen as I sip my coffee and it still feels too strange, should I respond? Surely it's not nice to ignore him - he even wrote to me with the official account....

"What are you smiling about?" He asks annoyed.

I immediately compose myself, turning off the phone again. "What do you care? Mind your business."

"Yah! - He raises his voice, I raise my eyes a little scared and he notices, so he clears his voice calming down. - Really, you should put the phone down."

"What?" - I ask incredulously, and a little amused. - Are you kidding?"

"You can choose to put it away yourself, or I'll take it."

I immediately pick up the device, placing it between my thighs. "What? Are you crazy all of a sudden?"

"Never been sane. - Approaching threateningly, I stand up. - That idiot will text you all the time, and you apparently can't take your eyes off the phone, so we'll settle it politically."

I laugh as I flee for the kitchen, avoiding him. "You've been with the phone the whole time, too!"

He stops, I can see it, he covers his mouth because by dint of running and chasing me around the kitchen he's had to laugh too. He coughs again, gets serious.

‘Of course I have real commitments, important people to answer to.’ I arch my eyebrows in amusement, I actually have important people to answer too but I don't need to say that, I don't want to annoy him further. ‘Then you shouldn't waste your time on unimportant people like me.’ I explain. He, however, takes advantage of my moment of vulnerability to reach over and take the phone out of my hands, raising his hand so that I can't reach it. ‘Shut up, okay?’ OK my ass, Park Sunghoon, ‘Give it back.’ I ask, doing so politely, this doesn't have to turn into a war. ‘Why do you want it? Forget it - he replies, with such nonchalance that it creeps me out. - So you talk to Heeseung a lot? Do you have fun over the phone?’ I keep smiling nervously, I want to slap him, he's so arrogant. ‘Give me your phone.’ ‘What?’ He bursts out laughing, putting mine in the back pocket of his suit… black. ‘I'll let you have it if you give me yours.’ ‘No way.’ He laughs. ‘Then give it back to me, there's not a single reason why you should have it.’ ‘There are reasons - he says. - The first is that I don't know your code, so, I can't do anything with your phone. The second is that this is my turn, your time belongs to me, so I choose what you can and cannot do.’

I am speechless for his logic, his arrogance no knows bounds, I am fascinated by this but not in a good way. Park Sunghoon, are you a sociopath?

‘It's not written anywhere that I can't use the phone.’ Just as I speak, in front of me, he pulls out his fucking phone and replies, as I can see a few metres away, to a very long message. ‘Then let's write it down.’ He says.

As I suspected something is going on, but who is he talking now? The messages are long and Sunghoon stays writing the reply for several seconds, to the point that despite being aware that stealing his phone now would be so easy, I still decide not to do it.

He has a stern expression on his face, he's so handsome when he's angry that it makes you want to make him really angry. I sigh, realising I've been staring at him for too long, so I simply return to my coffee.

‘Don't drink just that, eat something.’ I look at him, he's focused on the screen, I force myself to get angry but it actually still makes me a little bit impressed that he's pretending to care about me. ‘No thanks.’ ‘Don't be such a kid.’ ‘Aren't you too busy answering to talk to me too?’ I ask, and he lifts his gaze for the first time in a while, staring at me amused. ‘What, are you feeling neglected?’ I open my mouth genuinely surprised, how dare he? ‘Give me my phone back, stupid.’ ‘Stupid?’ ‘I thought about it, I'm older than you, you should start... c-comport yourself well. - I say that but my voice is shaking at the end. - You're d-disrespectful.’ He bursts out laughing, turning off his phone and putting it back in his pocket. ‘What, and you want me to call you noona too?’

Let's not exaggerate, I think as I cover my mouth because I can't help smiling, I'm such a pervert…. is just a word, why should it have that much effect on me?

‘Look at her, she can't hide it! - He accuses me aloud, while his laughter fills the atmosphere all around. - Oh my god, do you really want to hear me say that? Pathetic, give up now.’ ‘If you hold to that like you did with the ‘I will never sleep with you’ then can we say you'll do it by the end of the day?’

I bite my lip, I knew he would be angry. He approaches twisting his lips, the evil ice prince, he has his hands in his pockets but bends slightly to get to my height.

‘And tell me, how is Heeseung?’ ‘What does Heeseung have to do with it now?’ ‘About this thing which I really don't remember - he smiles smugly - what does he think? Is he trying to reassure you by saying it was a mistake?’ ‘You realise you can't talk about something you deny happened?’ He laughs again, pulling away. ‘It doesn't change anything, whether it happened or not. ‘ I take a few steps towards him, narrowing my eyes. ‘Then why not admit it happened?’ He backs away further, laughing. ‘Because it doesn't matter.’ ‘Talking to you is pointless, isn't it?’ ‘We can deal with it like two adults. - He explains calmly, taking his mobile phone back, writing a short message and turning it off again. - Now let's talk about what happened yesterday, where you were with Niki, who was with you? And Heeseung?’ ‘You keep asking me about Heeseung… - I giggle, nervous. - Like it's important.’ ‘It isn't? Then you should let me read the chat.’ I swallow, not expecting such a request. ‘W-what? No?’

At that moment, Sunoo enters the kitchen, Sunghoon is about to distance himself from me as the comrade passes between us and approaches for coffee.

‘Didn't you go out?’ Sunghoon asks, first. Sunoo, so elegant and pale, sighs almost disappointed. ‘Good morning.’ I sit at the table looking down. ‘Good morning.’ ‘You're excited, aren't you, hyung?’ The younger man asks, sitting down next to me and observing me. ‘What?’ Sunghoon asks. ‘It's finally your turn, you've been looking forward to it. - He smiles, bringing his cup to his lips, takes a sip. - Noona shouldn't you eat something? Then you'll end up sick.’

Wow, Sunoo, just like everyone else, is simply dazzling up close. It may be the make-up, but his skin appears free of any kind of imperfection, his features are so fine. He has a very different glance to the rest of the world, calmer, maybe mature, but equally brilliant.

‘And you? How are you going to get through the day with just a coffee? ‘ Sunoo crinkles his beautiful big eyes, he's surprised but doesn't want to show it. ‘I'll be fine, I have vitamins.’ ‘Do you want me to cook you something quickly? - I sigh worriedly, getting up. - I'll be quick for real.’ ‘Noona… no need, really.’ He laughs, embarrassed, how cute… ‘Go to that bar you like so much - snorts Sunghoon, taking out his wallet and putting several tens of thousands of won in his hand - and really do it.’ ‘I don't want anything from you, hyung.’ Sunoo replies, but Sunghoon grabs his hands, preventing him from pushing the money against his chest. The two look at each other for several seconds and God if I am fantasising. 'Then you really are…how envious. I'm jealous. - Sunoo laughs, pulling away first. Sunghoon swallows, struggling, looking away nervously, then the younger man comes towards me, smiling. - I'll BOY something good for you too, noona, since you're so nice.’ ‘Thank you…’ I nod infatuated by his sweet and spicy scent.

Sunoo leaves the room and walks out of the attic, Sunghoon looks at me, he's angry but I don't understand why. The fact that he approaches so suddenly, walking against me, makes me spontaneously back up until I freeze against the wall, I swallow, he's really… close.

‘W-What did I do?’ ‘I don't know but stop it.’

This is all crazy. I slide under his outstretched arm leaning against the wall and walk towards the corridor, he stops me, as usual, with his stupid strength and I give in.

‘What do you want?’ ‘Aren't you going to answer?’ ‘I have nothing to say to you.’ ‘I can be nice, if you'll be a good girl.’

I stiffen, he absolutely must not say such things. I'm very sensitive, even if it's an asshole like him saying them.

‘Sunghoon, what's on your mind?’

He walks towards me, he is close but does not cross the line, I can feel his breath caressing my forehead, it is as if time has stopped. I hate feeling so at a disadvantage.

‘What should I have on my mind? I just want to talk.’

He says this grabbing me by the arm and dragging me into his strange bare room, he pushes me against the bed but as usual, he is not abrupt, I fall exactly as I should have fallen. He, though at arm's length, has climbed into bed with me, crawling.

‘Talk about what?’ ‘Let's see if you're honest… who were having lunch with you yesterday? ‘ I pale, evidently also. ‘W-what?’ ‘Who, were, with, you? - He smiles but is nervous. - Come on…’ ‘Why do you want to know?’ Sunghoon gets serious all of a sudden. ‘Riki is a kid who gets manipulated by those assholes, and you would do anything to get laid.’

I do, I don't even think about it for a second, I slap him on his fucking elegant cheek which turns red within seconds. I'm terrified of my own behaviour, I should never, never have reacted like that.

He touches his cheek as he looks at me surprised, but also definitely annoyed. ‘Who were you yesterday, Amanda?’

Did he call me by name? I don't remember if he did before, but the way his voice vibrates, his tone serious and deep, makes my knees tremble and my throat dry.

I swallow, backing away as I sit on the bed. ‘We were together with Yeonjun and Soobin.’

There, now he is really angry. There are several reasons why he might be: the first is that, thinking me an easy chick (even though I actually am) he might be afraid of venereal diseases or something, the second is that he obviously hates them.

From first to last.

‘Oh yeah, and did you have a good time?’ I raise my pupils, that's just like him reply like that. ‘Do you really think that just because I met them then I laid with them?’ He doesn't answer right away, seems to think about it, then looks at me. ‘Yes.’ ‘I already told you - I reply, unable to mask my nervousness - think what you want.’ ‘I don't actually believe you - he says, approaching slowly - but you can try to change my mind.’ ‘W-Why should I?’ I laugh, but I don't realise fast enough that by grabbing me by the waist, he pushed me down so that I was right underneath him, between his legs. ‘Because if I'm not angry - he whispers, hunching over me, who remain pressed against his mattress, unable to breathe - it will be more pleasant.’ ’W-What?’

He smiles for less than a second before taking off his little black shirt, revealing a body that is nothing short of divine. His shoulders broad as fucking highways meet at the height of his collarbones, so prominent and defined. His chest appears immense in front of me, as I gaze shocked from below.

How can he… be real.

‘If you cooperate, I will show you more and more.’ He says, taking my hand to rest it on his abdomen so tight, so flat, so hard. ‘Don't… A-Are you kidding?’ I ask genuinely confused. ‘You really didn't do anything with Riki?’ He asks again, pushing my hand lower, but not too far.

This is…. I have to get up from here.

‘N..No…’ I whisper.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Why do I please him? I regain my senses thankfully and try to get up to move away from him but he stops me from the waist, forcing me under his body.

‘No, eh? Why? Cause did Heeseung ask you?’

We look into each other's eyes, i'm feeling strange. His gaze is serious enough to make me uncomfortable, at the same time I feel like this is the only time Sunghoon takes me seriously.

‘Yes.’ I reply.

He didn't expect such a response, it is obvious, so much so that he lets his grip on my hips but I don't use this moment to escape, I remain helpless, as if my body were lifeless.

‘What?’

I don't answer, but it's as if I did.

Sunghoon's phone starts ringing just at this moment but he doesn't move, instead he grabs my shirt and lifts it up, I am only in my briefs underneath. I don't run, I don't flinch, I don't even know what's going on.

I'm just lying.

‘Do you want Heeseung?’ ‘Your… the phone rings…’ I say softly, looking away. ‘He's just messing with you.’ ‘I know.’ I admit. ‘You know?!’

The phone stops ringing for a second, then a second call comes in, apparently urgent.

'And you? - I ask him. - Aren't you messing with me too?’

That's when in less than a second, as the annoying ringtone becomes sweet music, Sunghoon leans over and taking my face with both hands kisses me, for the first time.

But… what the fuck…..

I push him, he insists, I try to push him away but after a couple of times I stop fighting. He kisses me, really kisses me, he's not touching me outside my face but my body burns as his tongue melts over mine like ice in lava.

A third call starts, this time I really push him and he stops.

He gets up without saying anything, I get the impression that he is angry while walks to the desk where he had left the phone and answers.

‘What the fuck…. who is?! - He answers really, really aggressively to the call….. I hear a female voice. Sunghoon has his back to me but I think I know which his expression have, his silence lasts too long. - What?! No!’

Several more seconds of silence.

‘Fuck, you can't do that! I'm coming..... I said…. yes.’

When he closes the call he loses several seconds before turning around, but by the time he does I'm already up. He walks towards me, his long black fringes covering his eyes but he has a really scary expression.

He takes off my shirt, I'm so surprised I don't realise I have to stop him, then I catch a glimpse of his dark eyes.

‘Wait in Jungwon's room.’ ‘W-what? Give me the shirt meanwhile..’ I say, trying to grab it back. He moves his arm. ‘No - he shakes his head, making a noise of denial with his mouth - you're going to stay like that.’ ‘S-Sunghoon who's coming?’

He doesn't answer immediately, in fact, he tries to boycott the discussion by throwing the shirt to grab my thin briefs from my hips, I see his long fingers bend around the lambo of fabric and seriously I can't stop him.

He touches my abdomen, my thighs, with his nose, with his lips.

Shit…

‘Wait in Jungwon's room.’

Why do I let him undress me? Why do I let him take me to Jungwon's room? And why specifically his?

‘Honestly - he says, still holding my underwear - I don't have enough time to tie you up. This is the only room with a bathroom that you're allowed to enter, and you can't go outside.’ ‘G-Give me the phone.’ He bursts out laughing, but you can tell he's faking it, he's really pissed off, unhinged I dare say. ‘No kidding.’ ‘What…. What am I supposed to do?’ ‘Wait for me.’ He says, and then SIMPLY closes the door.

So I'm naked and in Jungwon's room, which is particularly neat but monochrome, mostly, all white, grey and beige.

I lean against the door, wondering who it is. Wonyoung? It looks… dangerous to me.

‘Are you an asshole? I'll kill you.’ Someone shouts, sounds like her to me, also seems to hit him repeatedly with maybe a bag. ‘You can't come here. Who did you come with?’ ‘You really want to tell me that? - She replies offended, advancing into the living room. - You're a fucking asshole, I'm going crazy.’ ‘If I was boring you would have snubbed me.’ He chuckles, in confidence.

Their tone is almost childlike, it doesn't sound like they're really arguing.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you these days?’ She asks. ‘Nothing, it's the change of season. Why are you here?’ ‘Ah, that sucks. You've gotten so used to it - and I guess she's talking about herself - that you don't even want to…’

Their bickering is interrupted by a stony silence, because… I guess the sound of their kissing doesn't come through the door. Why am I trembling? Am I scared or envious?

‘I know the boys are out all day today.’ She giggles. Sunghoon does the same, but in a different way. ‘How do you know? You let me spy?’ ‘Who knows… never let it be said that the princess of Korea is betrayed by any idol.’

They kiss again, at length.

Fuck, she is just incredible. I wish I was a tenth of what she is to live just better. And I feel pretty shitty too, I mean… I wouldn't feel guilty if she was aware of it of course, but really, beyond what I think of Sunghoon, never let it be said that someone like her has horns, for someone like me then… that would be inexcusable, I would deserve the pillory.

He whispers something to her that I can't hear.

‘And I don't like bullshit.’ She replies though, getting up, walking down the corridor, he follows her. ‘Wonyoung, don't do that again. Coming here is dangerous for you too.’ ‘Ok, but now fuck me.‘ ’You asked for it.’

I'm quite surprised. I mean… I imagined this would happen, but I thought I had more time to deal with something like this.

Thus began whole hours of fucking wild sex.

And I, honestly naked, locked in Jungwon's room, don't know what I could use to take my life without feeling excessive pain. I could try to use a pillow to suffocate myself or throw myself out the window, but the building is really high and the torture would be really long.

They scream, she moans at the top of her lungs. Right now they must be looking at each other, possessing each other in a very different dance than they are used to. It must all be so sweaty, wet, and elegant, their bodies high, dry….

Lying on Jungwon's bed, after putting on one of his shirts (I'll apologise later) I realise that although his sheets smell like everyone else's, his pillow smells too. Like borotalcate. It is so fresh and natural, it makes me want to sleep.

I try and try again but they keep moaning, panting, screaming. I get up, desperate, I walk around the room. This cannot be happening.

The screams subside and I can breathe.

When I hear the doorknob click, I snap too, terrified. Someone has tried to open it, and it is not Sunghoon because he knows he has locked it.

‘What are you doing?’ Sunghoon asks agitatedly, behind the door. ‘Take it easy you idiot. - She snorts in offence. - Where is the bathroom in this house?’ ‘That way, this is Jungwon's room.’ ‘He locks it huh? Strange…’ ‘He does it because Riki takes his clothes.’ ‘Mh, if you say so - sigh. - I'm going to take a shower, bye.’

After several minutes it happens what shouldn't have happened, seriously, I could have faced a few more hours without water and mobile phone, it would still have been better than seeing Sunghoon walk through the door, half naked, his wide tracksuit slipping over his pelvis, his hair dampened, his fucking lips consumed by another's kisses.

‘Are you ok?’ He asks, without looking at me, as he hands me a bottle of water. ‘Get out immediately - I whisper, terrified - are you out of your mind?’

Sunghoon approaches, he is tired, he looks like a zombie. He places the water bottle on the desk before grabbing me by the face and resuming kissing me, like before.

What is he doing? This… this guy has gone crazy! They've all gone mad! I am living in the worst and best erotic nightmare of my life but I really need to wake up now.

He kisses me, his tongue is not fast but passionate, he savours every inch of my lips as I sink into the softness of his, our noses brush against each other and his hands caress my cheeks, my hair, he holds me from the nape of my neck so that the kiss is more intense.

I really want to die in this moment, because imagining that it will end devastates me.

He stops, perhaps he has finally woken up from his nightmare. Yet I still cannot see his eyes, preciously hidden under the thick bangs that also look so soft and into which I would like to sink my fingers.

No… he has not woken up.

‘Why are you wearing Jungwon's things?’ He asks, in a whisper, I can't even tell if he's looking at me, he's become so strange, unrecognisable. ‘If she came in…’

Sunghoon approaches me again, takes the t-shirt from the edges and lifts it slowly over my body, and the truth is, I don't stop him this time either.

‘You wouldn't want to… - He asks, laughing awkwardly, as if he's really out of it - wear only my things?’ I am… confused. Confused, tired and terribly horny. ‘I maybe… - I say, swallowing, I feel like I'm drunk and I haven't even had a drink - no… you're crazy. Maybe you're the craziest of them all.’ I smile upset, turning away from him. ‘When you're good at everything, you end up a little crazy in the end.’ He smiles this time too, but as usual, he doesn't mean it.

He takes my face again, he kisses me again, to deny him would be like going against my own instincts, I can't resist him.

This time his hands touch me, how very much they touch me. He cupping my breasts, picking them up as if they were tiny, then his lips slide over my nipples and I moan.

‘S-Stop it….’ ‘Shut up.’

ok short poll because it amuses me, bye

NEXT CHAPTER:

[loppiopio]

in a flash.

[allyriadayne]

We are puppets dancing on the strings of those who came before us, and one day our own children will take up our strings and dance in our steads.

[kyojuuros]

knowing communication is vital to a healthy relationship but never knowing how to start a conversation or holding back because you don't want to burden them with your emotions or say/do something that will push them away and just generally being socially inadept is such a fun time! :)

[mermaidsirennikita]

sometimes it drives me literally insane to see romance requests that are like

--I want a romance wherein it's basically the happy epilogue throughout the book

--I want a romance that has great communication and they never withhold anything from each other ever

--no "miscommunication trope"

The last thing is just a general gripe about how so many of the things people say are tropes are not tropes, and it's pedantic and snobby but like. Miscommunication is so broad. It's not a trope. People are miscommunicating. WHAT are they miscommunicating about? Is one of them keeping a secret identity from their partner? Because a secret identity romance iS a trope. Is one of them withholding their feelings out of fear of rejection?

Because people DO miscommunicate. Often writers do write it clumsily. If people miscommunicate for no reason, sure, whatever. But if they miscommunicate BECAUSE of a REASON--like, often it's not even miscommunication lol. It's the hero keeping his dire supernatural secret from his wife because she'll die if she finds out (honestly, valid to me, but whatever). It's the heroine finding it difficult to trust the hero with her heart because her dad left when she was young (maybe cliche in theory, but actually a very real thing that happens).

If all you want is plotless nothing wherein everyone is happy and nobody makes mistakes, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as a book, because there is no story. It's just vibes. And essentially EVERY time, people have to mess up and make mistakes in order for there to be a plot.

I just don't understand the point.

[wonder-worker]

Margaret of Anjou’s visit to Coventry [in 1456], which was part of her dower and that of her son, Edward of Lancaster, was much more elaborate. It essentially reasserted Lancastrian power. The presence of Henry and the infant Edward was recognised in the pageantry. The ceremonial route between the Bablake gate and the commercial centre was short, skirting the area controlled by the cathedral priory, but it made up for its brevity with no fewer than fourteen pageants. Since Coventry had an established cycle of mystery plays, there were presumably enough local resources and experience to mount an impressive display; but one John Wetherby was summoned from Leicester to compose verses and stage the scenes. As at Margaret’s coronation the iconography was elaborate, though it built upon earlier developments.

Starting at Bablake gate, next to the Trinity Guild church of St. Michael, Bablake, the party was welcomed with a Tree of Jesse, set up on the gate itself, with the prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah explaining the symbolism. Outside St. Michael’s church the party was greeted by Edward the Confessor and St. John the Evangelist; and proceeding to Smithford Street, they found on the conduit the four Cardinal Virtues—Righteousness (Justice?), Prudence, Temperance, and Fortitude. In Cross Cheaping wine flowed freely, as in London, and angels stood on the cross, censing Margaret as she passed. Beyond the cross was pitched a series of pageants, each displaying one of the Nine Worthies, who offered to serve Margaret. Finally, the queen was shown a pageant of her patron saint, Margaret, slaying the dragon [which 'turned out to be strictly an intercessor on the queen's behalf', as Helen Maurer points out].

The meanings here are complex and have been variously interpreted. An initial reading of the programme found a message of messianic kingship: the Jesse tree equating royal genealogy with that of Christ had been used at the welcome for Henry VI on his return from Paris in 1432. A more recent, feminist view is that the symbolism is essentially Marian, and to be associated with Margaret both as queen and mother of the heir rather than Henry himself. The theme is shared sovereignty, with Margaret equal to her husband and son. Ideal kingship was symbolised by the presence of Edward the Confessor, but Margaret was the person to whom the speeches were specifically addressed and she, not Henry, was seen as the saviour of the house of Lancaster. This reading tips the balance too far the other way: the tableau of Edward the Confessor and St. John was a direct reference to the legend of the Ring and the Pilgrim, one of Henry III’s favourite stories, which was illustrated in Westminster Abbey, several of his houses, and in manuscript. It symbolised royal largesse, and its message at Coventry would certainly have encompassed the reigning king. Again, the presence of allegorical figures, first used for Henry, seems to acknowledge his presence. Yet, while the message of the Coventry pageants was directed at contemporary events it emphasised Margaret’s motherhood and duties as queen; and it was expressed as a traditional spiritual journey from the Old Testament, via the incarnation represented by the cross, to the final triumph over evil, with the help of the Virgin, allegory, and the Worthies. The only true thematic innovation was the commentary by the prophets.

[...] The messages of the pageants firmly reminded the royal women of their place as mothers and mediators, honoured but subordinate. Yet, if passive, these young women were not without significance. It is clear from the pageantry of 1392 and 1426 in London and 1456 in Coventry that when a crisis needed to be resolved, the queen (or regent’s wife) was accorded extra recognition. Her duty as mediator—or the good aspect of a misdirected man—suddenly became more than a pious wish. At Coventry, Margaret of Anjou was even presented as the rock upon which the monarchy rested. [However,] a crisis had to be sensed in order to provoke such emphasis [...]."

-Nicola Coldstream, "Roles of Women in Late Medieval Civic Pageantry," "Reassessing the Roles of Women as 'Makers' of Medieval Art and Culture"

[soo-won]

translation is out on mangadex i can finally post this

[blastburnt]

so seeing her again did not hurt in the way i expected but how am i meant to go back to living now. like where is my other half

[turtlemagnum]

thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too

[neverendingford]

Therapists have two genders:

Professional Asshole and

Well-meaning Incompetent

[anothermonikan]

Me: Literally just trying to draw anything, anything at all

The irreversible impact these two fuckers had on my art:

[hazeism]

hi!! wanted to ask if you have any favorite books, either that you've read recently or of all time. Your prose is insane and I need to broaden my own vocabulary so if you have any book recs, fiction or nonfiction, I'd love to know :')

Hii :D ! ahaha, what a well-timed question; lately I've become the kind of guy who just really wants to talk about what people are reading, or are planning to read, and responding in kind, so thanks for giving me an opportunity to indulge that, haha. What a wicked invention the printing press was!!! (Also--thank you!! I'm glad my prose is to your taste. I'm happy !💕)

If you don't mind, I'll put a cut on this right away, because I know I'm very talkative, but let me put a TLDR above for all the novels/authors I mention here. Disclaimer also that I am kind of a dunce (I think you know this) so I like silly shit a lot of times . please be nice to me adfhbjkdg. :D

(No nonfiction also because I'm a frivolous and unworldly little sprite or something but if you want straight philosophy [which counts] come back and I'll do my Top Ten Epic Platonic Dialogues Compilation for you .)

TLDR: Read any UKLG you get your hands on, Cain by Jose Saramago, or any Saramago (though maybe not Skylight, which is not a good introduction to Saramago), very much enjoyed Sartre's The Age of Reason recently, Shadow & Claw or The Fifth Head of Cerberus by Gene Wolfe. If you feel like it, come off anon and tell me what you like, so I can give more tailored recommendations!!

Now if you're asking for favorites, like just the particular and arbitrary objects of my partiality, that stir my stupid little heart, the true answer is probably UKLG's The Farthest Shore, just because it is very special to me. I can't, of course, in good conscience, recommend the third novel of a six-novel fantasy series to someone (but of course read Le Guin, everyone should be reading Le Guin, it's dire for universal soteriology that we all read Le Guin; You'll probably get told to start with Left Hand of Darkness, and that's pretty solid. I liked The Lathe of Heaven as well. And if you read any Le Guin it doesn't hurt to pick up a copy of the Tao. I love the Tao man.)

Some friendlier recommendations, though:

José Saramago is someone I really consider peerless; There's no way to pick up a Saramago and not know who's written it. Cain is a bit drier, a bit more abrasive (almost accusatory, in that particular way you'll find in a Buddhist parable) and bleak than some other Saramagos, but it's one I like (perhaps for the trite reason that I like bucolic atmospheres and Classical antiquity as a setting) so it's the one I'll put forward.

Uhh, I've also been enjoying Sartre's Roads to Freedom lately, starting with The Age Of Reason. I'm partway through the second novel and umm... despite all the other things you could say about Sartre, lmfao, let it not be said that he is not a serious literary force. Serious is maybe the only word for it. Dire, too. I keep a commonplace book, so usually I take excerpts, but this was the first time in memory that I felt compelled to commit entire pages, ahah (I just took pictures though, fuck copying all that).

If you're itching for esoteric language, Shadow of the Torturer (as usually collected with Claw of the Conciliator in a single omnibus edition titled Shadow & Claw; the first of the give-or-take five volume Urth series) by Gene Wolfe will scratch you BLOODY. If you're particularly fussy, you might be irritated by your compulsion to Google, but I find it really makes the experience when you type in a word and the only results are "what the fuck did Gene Wolfe mean by this?" hahaha; Honestly, though, those kinds of complaints are borne from a lack of immersion, but you'll notice pretty quickly that the verbiage is a pretty crucial vehicle OF the immersion.

It may or may not become a commitment, though, if you like Urth enough to want to read through, so if you want Wolfe without the strings--though less of the exciting vocabulary, which is pretty necessarily constrained to Urth--I'd really highly recommend The Fifth Head of Cerberus (the novella OR the novel, I mean the former is volumized in the latter so just start it and if you feel like stopping then stop, haha). Mr. Terminal E is incredible but I scrape enough time out of my daily life to gush about his crazy literary density so I won't do it again here (you should ask my coworker, lmfao, who one time went "stop, hold on, hold on." because my face started getting really red while I was explaining to him some Wolfean gesture). If you read any Wolfe, and I mean ANY Wolfe, because his permatypes and his manipulations of them are endlessly interesting, feel free to come back and chat with me over it!!!

I guess I have to disclaim that my habit is mostly to pick through an author's corpus over a course of, usually, a couple years, and then sometimes I'll read things that will inform my understanding of the genre conventions or currents that the author is writing in (been enjoying Golden Age sci-fi recently)--it's not really as deliberate of a process as it sounds, but I think if you were to map my habits, that's the landscape of it. This means, though, that my reading is actually pretty narrow in scope, and I am not very well read or very knowledgeable in general (who is, in this economy) but it does mean that of the authors I do like, I can probably find the novel that'll work best for your taste.

If you want to come off anon, or I guess just leave another message, haha, (or if someone else wants to, idgaf, we're all friends here at tumblr user hazeism) describing the things you like or look for in a novel I can probably give you a more relevant recommendation. I've been dosing people up a lot lately tbh, it's like a parlor trick I've been doing; I have a conversation with someone and afterwards they'll have a PDF with a relevant Asimov story in their messages, hahaha. I can't help myself sometimes.

Come back anyway, though, if you read anything I talked about, okay? I want to hear about it 🥺

And alsooo (turning to face the audience) if anyone ever wants to put recs in my inbox (or my dms : ) slow replies though sorry I'm a hermit) I'd be happy to take 'em down. Can't guarantee I'll read them in a timely manner, or that you'll ever find out if/when I do, but it's good for me to leave my comfort zone.

[devondespresso]

i love gay people in fandom proving their gay ships with just vibes like you'll see a bunch of gifs of a pair interacting and theyre just like "this is not heterosexual behavior" or they'll have screenshots of like a character just fuckin standing there and be like "they're just fruity idk what to tell ya". its like not even like evidence that can be proved it just pure unfiltered gaydar

[captainkurosolaire]

I've told you this before but you are an inspiration to me to keep going when I'm lost in the darkness. You're apologetically you and I admire that a lot. You're passionate about your projects and I will always be your biggest cheerleader to see you through to the end of Captain's story.

ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT ME. I CAN’T REPLY, JUST PUBLISH.