#i don't think it's meant to be a serious indicator of his age

[dizzying-faust]

I'm in the minority that dislikes Blitz//bee that isn't related to Bumblebee's age.

[stoopid-turtle]

moar made-up thoughts about dd's thoughts

Some of the replies on my previous post left me re-evaluating, and I don't know that I was incredibly effective at what I meant to communicate (honestly, that is really frustrating for me). So I just want to clarify and maybe add some context.

I assume it goes without saying that everybody in turtleland adores dd and gg and that we think dd is a sweetie-pie (I can't conceive of being a turtle without that belief). And as a group, dd and gg's sweet moments get highlighted a lot, which I adore. These posts I have on dd are more about stuff I don't see discussed quite as much and they're not meant to encapsulate all that dd is because, wow that's a lot. For the previous post, I'd been thinking a lot about dd's mentality and how he approaches things, as seen in SDC, because his captaining style seems really distinct in a way I wanted to dig into.

Honestly, we've known dd for years at this point, and he's grown and changed throughout that time. He's been influenced by gg and by other friends and mentors. And like most people, how he acts is variable and dependent on context. 

I do think dd was sometimes thoughtless when younger, but I don't think that's anything out of the ordinary for his age at the time, and I think he's grown out of it. In any case, it was never mean-spirited. Still, I think the way he expresses his feelings is pretty reserved and that he's not incredibly prone to sentimental gestures, like the gifts he sent Yang Kai. I think he can be thoughtful in that he's responsive when people indicate what they want, but I don't think he's the type to think up a gift idea on his own. Given that Yang Kai actually knows the guy and said as such, I don't think it's too far off-base to say that. I honestly think he probably gets help from gg with that sort of stuff, and he's likely to have gotten better at it as a result. But dd has never struck me as a sentimental guy.

(though with the captain gifts, I have no idea the logistics of how those worked, and I suspect, like most things on reality shows, that production assistants helped with suggestions and such)

I think he's a fantastic captain! I don't think I said that, because it's one of those things I assume goes without saying, especially as it's often said as such in turtledom. I think even back to Produce 101 when he was mentoring the young girls who were fawning over him. He did the cutesy dance with them to support them, even though he hates being cutesy (and bless him for it. That dance is a gift (and led to cute bts moments of gg poking fun at dd)). He's passionate about dance and he's passionate about helping other people improve (and learning from others). Dancers want to join his team because of that passion, and because dd just has a natural talent for it that is incredibly inspiring.

But he does like winning. He explicitly said as much himself. And that one episode I highlighted where his team lost is pretty tense. The rehearsals were tense, the performance was tense, dd's response to everything was tense. During one round, his team only gets 4 votes compared to, like 40 for the other team. I can't recall the score ever being so lopsided, especially when the losing team is full of top-tier dancers.

And dd's behavior then is incredibly relatable to me. He laughs about it, joking about how he only got 4 votes. But it's the laugh you get when you're really unhappy and kinda embarrassed but trying to keep a good, positive face on things (or at least, that's a strategy I have for those moments, and given dd's switch to serious-times when he's doing the team debrief, I think he's somewhat similar). 

And dd recovers well. He has a debrief with his team. He talks to Han Geng about what his team is lacking (they specifically talk about his team performance not being thematic like the others) and realizes they need a choreographer to pull everything together and give them direction. And the very first round of recruitment, he gets a choreographer for them. 

I don't think dd only likes winning. The reference to "not here to make friends" thing was a bit of rhetorical exaggeration for fun. Like I noted, he makes friends. He learns a lot and he mentors a lot, and that's definitely a big part of the draw for SDC for him. And while dd never intentionally cultivates a family atmosphere (as opposed to the other captains who explicitly tell their team that they're like a family), they come together like a family anyway. But he still likes winning, and I think he has trouble enjoying everything else as much if he's not winning. 

It's not a bad thing to be competitive like that (I once got into a fight with my wife because I kept losing in thumb wars against her. I personally know when competitiveness becomes stupid). DD has a passionate drive to succeed. This is how he's managed to excel at basically everything he tries (except cooking). I think way back to the auditions in SDC 3, when dd impresses his group by being savvy about street dance gestures (like the plagiarism gesture) and by knowing how to appeal to dancers (by having them warm up with some freestyling). He quickly overcomes any doubts the dancers have based on his idol background by being genuine, sincere, and passionate and that's why people want to join his team.

 *rereads all this* Hmmmm...feedback and replies are good. This is a better post.

Also, this judge is the one who always says nice things about dd. He's said at one point that dd has an extraordinary natural talent for dance even among professional dancers. He's right and he should say it. Best judge. A+ I hope they keep bringing him on.

[scoobydoodean]

I think dean in that world just would enjoy variety, and is used to eating different things since I believe he lived in the city

Context

Hmm... but Dean Smith isn't consuming a variety of foods?

He opens the episode talking on the phone about having not been in the gym in a long time and feeling flabby. He ends up getting the recipe for a juice cleanse meant to help you lose weight:

DEAN Oh I hear you. No, I haven't been to the gym in ages. Carrying a little bloat around myself. It's a sedentary lifestyle, my man, no two ways. —All right, tell me one more time. You said lemon and—what was it? Cayenne and maple syrup, are you serious? How much did you lose?

He later indicates to Sam that he's on a juice cleanse:

DEAN It's the Master Cleanse. You tried it? Phenomenal. Detoxes you like nobody's business.

Sam comes to his house and he tells him he's thrown out all the carbs in the house:

SAM Yeah. I could use a beer. DEAN Oh, sorry, man. I'm on the Cleanse. I got rid of all the carbs in the house.

So he isn't eating a variety—he's eating "healthy". I don't know—I think it means something, though I'm not totally married to the "cleansing sin" idea, I think there's some suggestive evidence for it.

Another idea is that it could be totally Zachariah's influence—assigning "Sam" traits to Dean as another intended jab to reinforce Sam's belief that Dean is being assigned traits and roles that should be his.

Another idea, connected to the guilt idea, is that it just represents Dean's desire to distance himself from who he is, his family, and his history. Dean's relationship with greasy food and the comfort he receives from it is deeply connected to his upbringing imo. In this reality, he's also given the father he always wanted as his biological father (Bobby) and Sam is not his sibling—Jo is, and Ellen is his mom. He's freed from his ties to Sam and John. I think the hints of insecurity about his body lend to a different reading though.

One could also say Dean Smith's interest in dieting perhaps represents Dean's desire for a long life outside of the context of hunting, in contrast to 4.12 "Criss Angel Is A Douchebag":

DEAN Man...hope I die before I get old. Whole thing seems brutal, don't it? SAM You think we will? DEAN What? SAM Die before we get old. DEAN Haven't we both already? SAM You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60? DEAN No, I think we'll be dead...for good. What? You want to end up like -- Like travis? Huh? Or Gordon, maybe? SAM There's Bobby. DEAN Oh, yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully. SAM Maybe we'll be different, Dean. DEAN What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life.

What Dean says in 4.12 (and what Sam does in response—go back to drinking demon blood) is about Dean (at this point in his life) feeling trapped in hunting, and wanting to die young because he doesn't want the pain he's feeling to go on forever as he gets sadder and sadder. But when he's out of the hunting life and away from the John -> Sam dynamic, he's interested in cultivating a healthier lifestyle (based on his understanding of health—these juice cleanses are nonsense imo) so he can live a long, healthy life.

Ultimately though, I think to me so far, the guilt angle/desire to be cleansed of sin seems to fit the best.

[sure-to-lure-someone-bad]

Do y'all ever remember that we only have Luffy's backstory starting at 7 years old? What was he doing before Shanks? Where was he living? Who is his mom? Where is she? Did he have any friends? Why is he so scared of being alone?

Theory and analysis under the cut

Like, I think about that scene after Ace and Sabo had saved him from Blue Jam's lackeys a lot. Ace asks why Luffy wants to be his friend so bad and Luffy says that being alone is worse than being hurt. That's a child speaking from experience.

I also think about that scene in Chapter 137 where Luffy saves the parent of the baby Lapin even though it had almost killed him and two of his crew.

Maybe this was just showcasing how merciful and kind Luffy can be, but I don't think so. I think, in that moment, Luffy was relating to the baby Lapin. I think Oda was drawing a direct parallel to something Luffy may have experienced as a child, basically giving us a hint to more of Luffy's past. I'm not sure if it was his birth mom or a caregiver, but I think Luffy has been in a situation where a parental figure died because no one was around to help them and Luffy was too young and weak to save them.

I feel like this explains the shadowed eyes in the image. We've seen Luffy save many previous enemies without the indication that Luffy is so personally affected. I could believe that it's because he's worried about his crew, but in the next scene he has a serious expression that would've been plenty fitting on pulling up the Lapin. Maybe I'm overthinking, but I truly think there's more than concern for his crew or anger at the Lapins affecting him here.

On top of that, Luffy having a traumatic experience as a young child where he felt helpless would follow a recurring theme in his character arc. We've seen Luffy at three of his lowest points in the manga where he has been too weak to protect his loved ones.

First, chronologically, was Sabo.

Luffy has always been a passionate kid, so maybe this is his first experience with loss, but I don't think so. This seems like a reaction to feeling like being too weak to save his loved ones is a pattern. Most kids Luffy's age have a hard time grasping death. They might know that it's not a good thing, but most don't understand exactly what it means. It might be different for him because he has been around Grey Terminal, but I doubt it. Yet, he knew instantly what Dogura was saying and what it meant. There was barely a period of shock or denial.

Luffy is experiencing grief at a level of intensity that fits more with someone who knows exactly what death is. I really don't believe that this is his first time losing someone.

Second was being unable to protect his crew from Kuma.

The phrase "What's wrong with me...?!" really stands out to me here. Luffy definitely takes his role as captain seriously and knows that it's his duty to protect his crew, but we know this self-blame is also influenced by the reopening an old wound. He has worked hard for a decade to make sure he was strong enough to protect his people, and here he has failed once again.

Finally, third is the loss of his other older brother, Ace.

This, of course, led to the two year break where Luffy and his crew focused on training and becoming stronger to take on the New World. I would also like to point out that Luffy didn't emotionally stabilize until Jimbe reminded him that he still has his crew. He was grieving his brother, dealing with a sense of helplessness, and feeling alone in the world. Garp may be Luffy's grandfather, but he obviously neglected Luffy. The bandits might have grown on Luffy by the time he set sail, but I don't think Luffy considered them family in the same way as Ace and Sabo. Ace and Sabo were the only family he had until he met his crew. This isn't the grief of someone with a support network and people to motivate him. In this moment, and in all of the time since deciding to go after Ace, Luffy has pushed his nakama out of his mind. This is the grief of someone who has been too weak and feels like there's no one left to even try to protect. Someone all alone.

Luffy's character is one who's weaknesses are loneliness and helplessness, and that implies a lot about his developmental years. I truly believe that Luffy's backstory will involve the death of a parental figure. I also think that Garp either was even more neglectful than we realize or didn't know Luffy existed until he found out through Dragon.

I also think that Luffy's longing for freedom will also tie in somehow. We know he and no one who knew him as a child was a slave for the Celestial Dragons because he didn't recognize the symbol on Hancock, but maybe there was a nami and arlong-esque situation.

I'm so desperate for his backstory 24/7 lmao.

[anger-ey]

What year does NSR take place in, anyway? (theory)

I've had this question for a bit, and I came up with a theory, like, nearly 2 years ago by now, so I figured I'd share it here......

There are MULTIPLE OPTIONS I came up with.... here goes,,,

For starters: how do we even start? There's no indication of a year anywhere in the game! Nuh uh... there is!

Let's start by process of elimination: in one of the AMAs, one of the devs (I think it was Haz?) said that NSR does not take place in 2020, and in not in a post-pandemic world. So the maximum year is 2019. (They've also refused to actually answer on another occasion, though, so I'm not sure which is accurate.)

And, in one of the areas near the Mamak, Zuke notes how there hasn't been a specific music award since the 90s

So we know for certain (ish) that the game takes place between 2000 (if Zuke was referring to the early 90s) and 2019.

There's also a canonical date that the audition took place:

Monday, on the 7th of August. Because 2023 also has this date, we can see the previous years this specific day and date fell on.

The only years this date falls on are 2000, 2006, and 2017. (Now, I know that this is probably some random date, but I'll do what I can bro!!)

There's another clue to the setting: Neon J. He specifically mentions having served in the military in "'67", which can be from any century or millennium, but if we assume he meant 1967, we have to possible outcomes: 2000 or 2017.

We have little to no information about Neon J, but we do have some facts that can help us: the minimum age for serving in the military in Malaysia is 17. Let's say that Neon J was referring to his first serious mission when ranting to b2j about the azkar faction. That would mean he was 17 in 1967, making him 50 in 2000. Now, I know the devs said he was around his 40s, so we can use birthday logic and cay that maybe he is 49 now, and turning 50 later in the year. Kind of shaky, but I do like how it reflects the rise of EDM over Rock in the 2000s, and it fits with the fact the game is based on lots of early/mid 2000s media. As for the technology being so advanced for 2000, they have a giant nuclear reactor that turns sound into power in the middle of the city. I'm pretty sure they're much more technologically advanced than we were back then. As for the 2017 theory, we can also say that maybe Neon J died or was comatose for a very long time starting in his 20s, and was resurrected as a cyborg shortly before NSR was founded. That means he'd have been born over 40 years ago, but wasn't alive for a lot of it, so he was frozen in time for bit, like Aang in the iceberg. That, or he died in his 40s and it stuck in that mentality. Who knows!

There's also the possibility that Neon J meant, like 2264 or something and NSR takes place in the very far future, but idk I don't like that as much for some reason.

(p.s., just remembered that this is on those toy frame thingies in sayu's boss fight. this either means sayu was made in-universe in 2018, or this was simply when the modellers/painters worked on this specific model)

TAKE WHAT YOU WILL FROM THIS..... THANK YOU FOR READING MY THEORIES....

(Edit: thinking it over, I could see it being 2006, as a compromise between 2000 and 2017)

[blackjackkent]

Jaheira does not volunteer an explanation for the little girl's behavior, but Hector almost immediately starts to formulate some theories, especially since he can hear the little girl talking with another voice inside the building.

"She'll be here. Any second. Maybe she's sneaking." "Doubtful - we'd hear her knees cracking."

"Enough, Fig. There's no point getting your hopes up. She'll be back when she's back." "You don't think she will." "I know she will. But we can wait a little longer, if you like."

"I saw her, I swear!" "Are you sure? Maybe it was just a laborer hauling a shaggy grey mop." "Be serious, Rion. Who puts braids on a mop?"

Hector swallows the urge to smile. Whoever these people are, they know Jaheira. They have been waiting for her to return from the shadowlands. This is going to be a reunion.

He looks at her sideways as they step through the door, but her expression is utterly still, entirely unreadable. She only speaks as they reach the center of the living room and the arranged figures standing there (Fig included) turn towards them.

"Oh, Malar's mark... here we go," she says, and a rueful smile flickers onto her face.

It's a rather motley crowd arranged to receive her. Fig and another girl about her age stand by the side of a young elven woman with dark hair wearing a greathammer on her back and polished leather armor. Next to her is a hulking half-orc fellow with bright pink hair. All of them look more than a little surprised.

"Are we quite sure she hasn't actually died this time, brother?" the elf says with jocular humor, lounging back on her heels and looking at the orc. "She *looks* dead."

"Smells it, too," the orc grunts.

Jaheira snorts. "It has been a hard road," she says with something between amusement and indignation. "But I can clip you both around the ear to prove I am no ghost, if it would help!"

The woman grins sardonically. "Forgive us, mother. We're just surprised you know how to find your way home."

Hector's eyebrows shoot to his hairline and his mouth drops open. "Mother? Jaheira, these are your children?!"

Adoptees, certainly, unless Jaheira casts her net far wider than he would have ever taken her for. He finds himself deeply touched to picture the actions that would have led to this diverse bunch calling themselves siblings. Jaheira has a more sentimental streak than she would ever actively admit.

"She always brings the smartest people home, too," the woman says dryly.

"Enough, Rion," says Jaheira, suddenly sharp. "I taught you better manners than that."

"No, you didn't," the orc mumbles, sotto voce.

Rion rolls her eyes. "A sending spell can carry twenty-five words. Do you know how many Jaheira's only message contained, in all this time she's been away? Seven."

Hector winces. OK, maybe Jaheira's not *that* sentimental, he thinks wryly.

"This... really isn't any of my business," he says awkwardly, rubbing his jaw with one hand.

Rion laughs, a shade bitterly. "Hah. Now there is a phrase Jaheira has never uttered. But no." A slight pause. "The message went, 'I'm sorry. You know what to do.'"

"So why haven't you done it?" Jaheira interjects with visible agitation. "You were supposed to get the young ones out of the city!"

"And you were supposed to be dead," Rion fires back without missing a beat. "That's what your oh-so-stoic message meant, yes?" Her voice softens almost imperceptibly, and Hector can hear the thread of anxiety underneath it. "Yet here you are. So... what happened out there?"

Jaheira frowns, then jerks her head to indicate Hector. "I got my skin saved by this one. We've come to take the fight to the cult - which is *exactly* why you all cannot be here."

The woman juts her jaw out stubbornly. "Why? You plan on winning, don't you?" She turns in Hector's direction, lifts an eyebrow at him - in a way that reminds him very much of Jaheira indeed. "You're the one who saved her, so tell me. Are we all doomed?"

Hector folds his arms and looks back at her steadily. "The cult is powerful," he says. "It's not going to be an easy fight."

"So fight," Rion says sharply. "That's what all you heroes and Harpers are for, isn't it?"

Jaheira sighs. "You are a very irritating girl," she deadpans.

"Ah-ah--" Rion wags a finger at her. "This isn't your house, remember? You'll keep a civil tongue under our roof - *if* we let you stay at all."

"Have mercy, sister," the orc puts in. "She's old after all."

"SOOOOOO old," one of the little girls says with a giggle.

"She can stay," Fig declares. "But only if she brought home *presents.*"

Rion laughs softly, though without much humor. "Seems I'm out-voted. See, mother? That is how you go about talking things through with your family." She shakes her head, looks at the others of the group with some skepticism, then shrugs. "Now, if there's more to discuss, then bloody well come in. And wipe your boots."

[epicsteddieficrecs]

Epic Steddie Fic Rec | April 3rd-16th 2023

I never know what to say here 😆 I hope you guys had a good Easter if you celebrate? I hope you enjoy this rec? If I forgot to tag anyone, tell me? :P

Complete

🖤 starts with an h, sounds like potential by formosus_iniquis/ @formosusiniquis (4K | Teen): Eddie knows he got to Hawkins a little later than everyone else. He wasn't born and raised in the six miles of town with the same eight people his whole life. There was a whole social services kerfuffle that meant he didn't land in this small town hell hole until he was the ancient age of thirteen. But even without all that he is fucking positive that there was no Henderson in any of his three graduating classes. Yet here Henderson the supposed younger sits painting him a mystery week after week. Steve said this, Steve did that, Steve may very well be a delusion if the way the others giggle and sigh every time he gets brought up is any indication.

🖤 i can't take it when you touch me by deadratz (First Time, PWP | 20K | Explicit): Eddie is too embarrassed to tell Steve he's still a virgin. Their relationship gets to a point where he knows he can't keep it from him anymore. Steve makes it clear to Eddie that he doesn't mind at all. (Part 1 of locked in)

🖤 feels so good i could explode by deadratz (First Time, PWP | 12K | Explicit): After his first time, Eddie decides he loves sex. Particularly, sex with Steve Harrington. It's just that he doesn't really think Steve Harrington is going to love continuing to have sex with him after, what Eddie considers to be, a poor performance. Steve does what he does best and proves Eddie wrong. (Part 2 of locked in)

Slutty Social Media by blissedoutvixen (University AU | 15K | Explicit): Or: Steve has a really slutty Instagram presence and it's kind of ruining Eddie's life.

🖤 To Offer You a Little Relief by IndigoFudge (Canon Divergent, S4 Vol. 2 | 8K | Teen): Eddie pitches forward a bit, head falling against Steve’s shoulder. He’s shaking again. “I’m so sorry, Stevie,” he murmurs. “I think I’m in love with you. Worst fuckin’ time, but I think I’m in love with you. How about that.” It may not hurt to breathe, but it hurts to exist. Steve wishes it was tomorrow. Steve wishes it was tomorrow and Eddie was in the hospital safe and there would be a world of time for everything. “You’re gonna laugh,” he says, even though it’s the furthest thing from funny. “I think I’m in love with you too.” • What if Dustin had gone with Lucas, Max, and Erica? What if Nancy and Robin had killed Vecna alone? What if Steve had been with Eddie? What if that had made all the difference?

amplification by Adure/ @toburnup (Dreamsharing, PWP | 2K | Explicit): "And what if it's about you?" Steve asks, eyes serious. Questioning. "Would it still be a compliment?" Eddie's throat is bone dry. He blinks, feels each thought rearrange into something less comprehensible. Steve's hand is warm against his back. "As long as it's a good dream." (Part 3 of parasomnia)

somatic by Adure/ @toburnup (Dreamsharing, PWP | 3K | Explicit): "Apparently we've been hanging out at night without me realizing," Steve says quietly and he doesn't look mad, or even sound upset. He's just... looking. "Don't say it like that," Eddie says and the words are muffled underneath his palm as he scrubs his face. "The other night was... the first time I did that." Steve's smile melts into something less playful, almost unsure. "But if you—if you did that, that means you could feel—?" (Part 4 of parasomnia)

just an animal looking for a home by deadratz (PWP, First Time | 26K | Explicit): The first time Steve sees Eddie’s dick, there’s blood everywhere, his hands are trembling, and he’s too scared his friend is gonna die to think too much of it. But then he keeps seeing it, and he thinks about it a lot. Turns out Eddie’s been thinking about him, too.

WIP

🖤 better by you, better than me by palmviolet/ @palmviolet (Canon Divergent, Season 1-2 | 27/? | 142K | Mature | Warning: Violence): November 1983. Between unpaid bills, the supposedly straight jock he’s seeing, and letters from his convict dad, seventeen year old Eddie Munson’s got enough to worry about. But when Will Byers goes missing, it sparks a chain of events that will show there are more depths to Hawkins — and to certain people in it, like infamous Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington — than he realizes. / or, the excessively long slow-burn in which Eddie is involved in the Upside Down from the very beginning.

🖤 no me without you by cydonic (Post S4, Kas Eddie | 5/10 | 28K | Mature): Eddie Munson dies, the world is still ending, and Steve Harrington doesn’t know how he’s supposed to keep going. That is, until he comes face to familiar face with the creature killing people in Hawkins.

Operation Parent Trap by ChronicRabbit/ @chronicrabbit (Post-S4, The Party | 4/? | 8K | Mature): It all started with a crush. Not one that anyone expected, per se, but a crush nonetheless. The Party embarks upon a sacred quest; a quest to hook up their oblivious babysitter and their moon-eyed DM with the ultimate Parent Trap!

🖤 Reboot by plutosrose/ @plutosrose (Modern AU, Actor Steve & Eddie | 5/10 | 20K | Explicit): In 2012, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson film a scene in the teen drama Normal Stuff that launches a popular ship on ao3. By early 2013, they aren’t speaking anymore. In 2024, Robin calls Steve with an offer to reprise his role as Andy Hartley in a reboot of their old show, with one important update–his character gets together with Eddie’s.

🖤 Swing and a Miss by deadonarrival (Baseball Player Steve, Fake Relationship | 3/5 | 19K | Explicit): “Apparently they usually reserve the box for the wives and girlfriends … so either you’re gonna have to be my boyfriend or you’re going to have to sit in the stands with the fans. It’s not that bad, you just need to like, pretend to be my boyfriend so you can sit with the other WAGs and like, then you can be in the box and have all you can drink alcohol and snacks.” “Did you agree to this!?” Eddie asks. “If I say yes, how mad are you going to be?” Steve asks.

[dead-boys-club]

†  finale : rindou.

request: not really

* these are the 3rd/extra endings to: ‘do you love me?’ p1 / p2

beta’d: yes but typos are always a thing

a/u: kind of want feedback on if i should finish all of the members?

* banners do not indicate age or timeline.

'You haven't spoken to him in five months.'

'I keep forgetting to change the locks, too.'

Ran hummed in acknowledgment before joining you on the couch, an arm settling behind your shoulders while his leg crossed over the other. 'He doesn't seem to be handling this little break up of yours well, you know? Drinking, sleeping around, spending like he has brains. Aren't you even a little disturbed?'

Closing the book in your hands, you tilted your head to look at him. 'Am I supposed to be concerned about a man who never once cared for me?'

'You know very well he cared.'

'And yet, here we are. Shouldn't you be at his place, playing the role of caring older brother like always?'

Sighing deeply, the latter shifted to let his head fall back against the couch, frame shifting down enough to be comfortable. 'I've given enough years of my life to make sure my brother was happy.. have I not earned the ability to cater to my own happiness for once?'

With a shift in how you sat, you reached up to start undoing the pastel colored tie, chuckling weakly. 'Older siblings have no time for happiness,' you pointed out, settling the now removed fabric neatly on the arm of the couch, 'I'm sure you know that by now.'

'You're really going to say these things while trying to undress me?' Laughing softly, he took one of your hands and tugged, guiding you onto his lap. 'Why don't we change things, then? I do believe it's time for the older siblings to have a turn.'

You could take the words in multiple ways but you decided not to seek out the one that would end up annoying you both. Instead, you turned your attention back to the buttons of his shirt, letting him initiate a kiss. It was passionate and slow, like it always was and you'd never get tired of it.

---------------

'You're fucking my brother?'

As the door slammed open accompanied by the harsh accusation, the conversation between Hajime and yourself came to a halt. You didn't bother lifting your head to look at him, continuing to write down a few numbers. 'Was this really necessary?' You questioned, finger tapping at one of the purchases.

The white haired male was more than happy to go along with you, ignoring the latter's sudden appearance. 'It was, actually.. if you're really curious, it may be in your best interest to take it up with Sanzu.'

That made sense. Before you managed to continue, a hand was pulling your ledger away and causing your mood to sour just so. 'I know you heard me,' came Rindou's voice again, 'are you serious?'

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you shifted to lean back in your chair and looked up at him. 'I don't think it's any of your business who is in my bed, first off. Secondly, if you're so angry, I believe you should take it up with your brother. No one held a gun to his head.'

'Take up what with me, exactly?'

Ran seemed to always have great timing, walking into the meeting room with a raised eyebrow. Hajime clicked his tongue and collected his books and whatnot; 'I doubt we'll finish this with.. all of this happening. I'll be in my office when this is over.' With that, he passed by Ran, clearly annoyed that his business was interrupted by the younger Haitani's obsession with drama.

No one really paid him any mind.

'Were you planning to tell me you were screwing my fiancé?'

'Ex fiancé.'

Rindou's expression showed that he was unamused by your little correction but he didn't voice that. Instead, his attention went to the older, waiting for some explanation.

'I was unaware I was supposed to keep you updated on who I was sleeping with,' Ran began, stepping further into the room to set a thin, rectangle box next to you, 'the last several months have been you going on about how this never meant anything to you.. or, was that to impress the girls you were sleeping with? Shouldn't you be giving that list to Y/n?'

When he didn't get an answer, he shifted his attention. 'We have a birthday lunch to attend.'

Your eyes widened only for a second at the fact someone other than Kakucho remembered your birthday and it made your skin tingle, heart fluttering a bit. 'You remembered,' you mumbled, almost inaudible, as you tapped a finger against the box.

Rindou straightened at the scene in front of him. 'So, what? You're both against me now?'

Ran rolled his eyes. 'Don't blame others for your inability to hold a relationship, Rindou, it's unbecoming of you. I'll never not be on your side when it comes to most things, you're already aware of that.. as for Y/n.. she simply decided what was more fitting for her.' Helping you to your feet and gesturing you ahead of him to go and try on your gift, he stopped to briefly look at his brother.

'You put yourself in this situation. I tried to help countless times and I wasn't the only one but you didn't want help. I told you several times you were going to end up alone if you didn't get your head out of your ass.. look where it got you.' Ran offered a frown, something of genuine empathy for him but it was no one's fault but his own. 'Now.. I expect you to get over it and leave my fiancé out of it.'

Without another word or staying to hear him out, Ran left to seek you out, wanting nothing more than to enjoy the remainder of the day with you.

'Is he okay?' You finally asked, looking up to the latter with a soft frown. The last thing you wanted was to cause a problem, regardless of who approached who first.

'I don't believe he's coming to the wedding,' Ran mused and offered you a reassuring smile. 'He will eventually get over it.. it may take time for him to realize just what he's done but he'll get there. I do think he'd appreciate, later on, his childhood friend back.'

It was something you'd have to think about and you'd have to deal with your own feelings but someday, you were sure it wouldn't be too difficult. 'One day,' you answered, reaching to take the latter's hand, 'I love you.'

'I love you, too, darling.'

[navree]

What do you think about Aenys i and his relationship with Maegor. Do you think that the two of them have weird feelings between each other like Show! Viserys and Daemon ?

I've discussed Aenys and Maegor's relationship a bit in a prior ask (mostly in the second and seventh paragraphs, but it's sprinkled in throughout the entire thing), but my view of it is, as I said, it was kind of doomed to fail. The age difference isn't an insurmountable thing, but five years is significant when it comes to childhood development and where two kids are at, and Aenys wasn't in the mental place to have any connection to anyone who wasn't Quicksilver or Aegon as he recovered from such a heavy mental breakdown at such an early age, which stunted any early bonding he might have had with Maegor, along with the fact that they were living in tow different locations (Maegor on Dragonstone, Aenys in King's Landing). There's also, like I mentioned, the fact that Aenys was clearly the favored child over Maegor, not even for anything about Aenys himself but because of who his mother was and what she meant to Aegon, which was never going to change and was always going to affect Maegor and Aenys even if it wasn't about them specifically but the events and relationships that had already been set in stone long before they were born.

That being said, I don't think the relationship was all bad straight through. Aenys appears to have been somewhat more emotionally intelligent and self aware than most people in this world (and I know people give him shit for being "weak" and "weak minded" but on the former point that seems to refer to martial prowess and on the latter that seems to be a bit disingenuous because he had meltdown at the age of three, but clearly he was able to handle taxing things like visiting Dorne himself years later in spite of what happened to his mother), and likely at some point became aware of the fact that the family issues that began to plague them and their father wasn't necessarily about them specifically, but a whole host of things. Aenys extended a serious olive branch in giving Maegor Blackfyre, given how powerful a symbol it became once Aegon won his Conquest, and in saying that they should "rule together". And even though Visenya took that to mean that Aenys was unworthy of the throne, there's no indication that Maegor ever thought the same way. Like I said in the longer Maegor response, Maegor was incredibly deferent to Aenys's authority as king. He followed him as a ruler, he fought for him and put down rebellions for him right and left and protected him, almost similar to the way that Visenya would for Aegon like we saw during the Dragons' Wroth. And Maegor, though he did take Blackfyre with him over Aenys's objections, abided by the exile imposed on him and remains in that exile until Aenys died and Visenya specifically told him to come home. And listen, that's not a small thing. Aenys rode Quicksilver and Maegor rode Balerion, later in the timeline we do see those two dragons clash and Balerion makes extraordinarily quick work of Quicksilver. And that's Quicksilver after he'd been alive for a while, when Aenys exiled Maegor he'd have been smaller and weaker than he was below God's Eye. If Maegor had really wanted to defy Aenys, he could have easily just said "no" to exile and completely decimated Aenys if he'd tried to enforce it. But Maegor didn't do any of that, he followed the order and he stayed away and acquiesced to Aenys's authority over him as the king, and that does speak to some kind of respect or affection for his brother that he chose to do that. And Aenys himself is noted as having used exile as a last resort, that he only even got involved in the situation because everyone was pointing out that this was blasphemous and as the king he had to do something and he felt that voicing outrage was his only option publicly, not to mention that he offered the alternative of having Maegor leave Alys, clearly only deciding to exile Maegor when everything else had been exhausted. All this points to some kind of stilted affection in an uncomfortable relationship that can never be fully reconciled due to the circumstances of their childhoods, in spite of what they both might want, and that they're trying their best in the most repressed ways that they can.

But that being said, I don't think that either Maegor or Aenys had that dynamic we got with HOTD's version of Daemon and Viserys, the idea that Daemon was in some kind of unrequited love with Viserys and did desire him both romantically and sexually and part of his interest in Rhaenyra was as an extension of Viserys's body, a socially acceptable Viserys who would want him back. Considering that this is something that's only been seriously discussed post-season 1 by Ryan, the specifics of it are incredibly open to interpretation, but I've given my (incredibly long) two cents on it before. Daemon's feelings about Viserys, at least in my view, are borne out of very specific circumstances, the age he was when he lost his mother and how distant his father might have been, and that he views Viserys not just as a brother but almost as a parent, and there were some degrees of transference involved, which is never a type of dynamic Aenys and Maegor had, as well as Daemon's canonical (I think?) bisexuality both making him capable of same sex attraction and bringing up feelings about how, if he'd been born a woman, he and Viserys would have been married but in this reality that's not possible, and how that might affect him emotionally. Daemon's feelings about Viserys are very much a product of his life up until that point, which was very different from both Maegor and Aenys's. A major component of the Viserys and Daemon relationship is also that Daemon feels constantly rejected by Viserys, and spent some time desperately seeking the opportunity to be the most important person to him, and seems to have become more bitter the longer this was seemingly denied to him. Aenys never rejected Maegor, he very explicitly seeks out his assistance and his companionship once he's king, while Maegor in return, despite valuing this, doesn't seem to have been as desirous for Aenys's approval as Daemon was for Viserys's (if anything I think Maegor probably had that sort of "I want to be important to you please approve of me and if you don't I'm going to be so hurt and angry even when I keep trying" mentality going on with Aegon, which does only further my point that Daemon views Viserys as a father as much as he does a brother or a potential romantic/sexual partner, God they're sordid I love it). Maegor and Aenys have their own sets of issues, but not the specific set of issues and furthermore, personalities and various interpersonal dynamics that led to the specific Daemon and Viserys situation.

(i'm sure there's an angle similar to the Daemon/Viserys and Daemyra situation that can be extrapolated from the dynamics of Aenys and Maegor and Maegor's subsequent marriage to Rhaena after it had already been proposed when they were both significantly younger, but that's more for my dear @lemonhemlock and their Maena tag)

[thescrumblingmidwife]

So what are the ways to stop a period (and fertility) as an adult? I need to figure out my plans for when that time comes. I mean permanently, btw.

Hi Anon,

I'm getting a lot of asks like this. Here's another one:

Anonymous asked: whats the safest way to stop getting a period as quickly as possible? i was told by my gynecologist that id be given birth control that'd stop them but i keep getting them and it's been months

So let's do a menstrual suppression post.

MENSTRUAL SUPPRESSION (AKA, Secondary amenorrhea)

What can be done depends a lot on your age, where you are, what kind of healthcare access you have, as well as your reason for seeking menstrual suppression.

If you experience medical complications like endometriosis, serious menstrual pain (dysmenorrhea) or heavy menstrual bleeding that causes anemia, etc., you may find you have an easier time accessing treatments beyond BC than if you just "don't want a period." (FWIW - I think that's a completely valid reason for menstrual suppression!). Trans and GNC people will fall somewhere in the middle - depending on where you are, it may be considered a legitimate medical indication all on its own, and in other areas may result in a roadblock and discrimination.

Disclaimer - my scope as a midwife will be limited to the use of hormonal birth control until I complete separate training on offering gender-affirming care. So please take what I say here only as a rough guide to your own research. If I've missed anything or get anything wrong, please let me know!

PREPUBERTAL (have not yet gotten a period)

Leuprolide (lupron) is an antiandrogen medication that basically stops sex hormones from working. When used in prepubertal/early puberty kids, it's called a "puberty blocker." It's meant to be a temporary solution until the kid can be sure what they want to do next, as its effects are completely reversible. Pediatricians will usually refer you to an endocrinologist or a gender clinic rather than provide themselves.

Otherwise, I'm afraid that you must first go through the initial period of menarche until normal periods are established before you can then go on menstrual suppression.

ADOLESCENT (teen, not yet an adult)

Progestin-only birth control is the first-line treatment. The good news is that pretty much everyone can take it, and it's relatively easy to get. This works by keeping the uterine lining thin, and keeping a level of progestin high enough that you don't experience the withdrawal that triggers menses. Methods include: IUD (intrauterine device), Nexplanon (implant), Depo shot, and pills. In all methods, it takes several months to work, and spotting/breakthrough bleeding is a possibility.

---->If you take the pills, you have to take them at the exact same time every day, so the hormone levels stay even, or you risk breakthrough bleeding. Different brands have different progestins in them, so if one doesn't work for you after several months of taking it properly, you could ask your provider about switching to a different pill.

---->The IUD has the best record with total menstrual suppression after a few months, but it is the most invasive of the LARC methods to insert.

----> Nexplanon can take some time to achieve menstrual suppression, and some people still get breakthrough bleeding, but it is also the single most efficacious BC besides hysterectomy. Yes, even more than tubal ligation.

----> Depo shot is pretty good at achieving amenorrhea, but has more side effects (low libido, dry vagina, risk of bone loss) that can take a while to resolve after you come off it

Testosterone - If you are trans and go on T, it may stop your menstrual cycles/ovulation, but it is not a guarantee. People on T are counseled to also be on BC, because it is does not eliminate the possibility of pregnancy and is teratogenic (can cause birth defects). You should not go on T purely to stop menses, as it has other permanent effects - go on T for those effects and be pleased if it happens to stop your period.

ADULT (18/21+ up)

All of the above methods, plus:

Estrogen-containing birth control may offer more suppression but also increases certain health risks (like clots), and it has a number of contraindications (reasons why someone can't use it safely). Generally don't advise teens to use it.

Tubal ligation for FERTILITY CONTROL ONLY. This will not stop periods!

For transmen: Hysterectomy (uterus removed) and/or salpingectomy/oophorectomy (tubes/ovaries removed). This is a component of gender-affirming care - but you will likely need to find a specialized provider for it. The average gynecologist is not going to do an elective (no medical indication) hysterectomy ----> https://transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/hysterectomy

I have seen some evidence that Lupron can be used for menstrual suppression as well, but I haven't heard much about it being used outside of certain medical indications (like if someone has cancer).

GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE

If you identify as trans or gender non-conforming and there is a gender clinic in your area, I recommend trying to get in with them, as they deal with this sort of question regularly. They have interdisciplinary teams (mental health providers, gynecologists, endocrinologists, surgeons, etc) that can meet all your needs. Someone trained in gender-affirming care will be best equipped to help you.

Here is a list of gender clinics in the USA:

Ok, all you Anons out there - I hope this is a good jumping-off point for you to find what you need. The TLDR is please try to find a provider who is willing to work with you and help you find what's available to you in your area!

[harukavoice]

What is your opinion on the relation among different Milgram trials? (Cat Kazui/Amanes cat; Mikoto wearing the same outfit Kotoko in his music video, etc). Do you think these details have a deeper meaning?

for the first one, i don't think there's any significance. i think it's just that amane happens to take care of a cat, and kazui happens to be compared to a cat. they don't really have any dynamic, like if amane was particularly close with kazui, that would make this more meaningful than just a coincidence. i do find it interesting that they're in a pair, being 07 and 08, but i don't think it means anything

for the second one, i think it's possible there's a little more significance. i don't think it means anything for the characters' relation, but it could be meant to convey something to the viewer. mikoto and kotoko both use a bat to attack people, so the use of the bat could be because it's a common weapon for civilian assaults, seeing as guns are mostly illegal in japan except for like government officials. it could be meant to signify that they aren't serious enough criminals to obtain one anyway, or more interestingly, it could be meant to signal to us that they didn't mean to kill anyone, as they didn't bring a more lethal weapon; this adds up with canon, as kotoko is only shown to beat up most people, and mikoto presumably had no plans to murder until his headmate fronted. i don't think the hat-wearing is particularly significant, as it's a different type of hat. the only thing i could find is that it's popular among young people, so i guess that could be something to indicate they're of a similar age.

[carewyncromwell]

"So you say it's not okay to be gay?

Well, I think you're just evil!

You're just some racist who can't tie my laces...

Your point of view is medieval!

Fuck you! (Fuck you!)

Fuck you very, very much

'Cause we hate what you do,

And we hate your whole crew,

So please don't stay in touch!"

~"Fuck You," by Lily Allen

x~x~x~x

Carewyn's dress robe inspiration // read more about Erik here!

x~x~x~x

Hahaha, oh GOD, Erik, you really are a little prat, aren't you? 😂

Okay, first of all, the person Erik's giving the bird to behind Carewyn's back is her overbearing, gaslighting, blood purist uncle, Blaise Cromwell.

As the head of the Cromwell Clan after Charles's arrest and death, Blaise is incredibly disapproving of most of the life choices his sister Lane, nephew Jacob, and niece Carewyn have made, least of all keeping a very healthy distance from Blaise's abusive arse and the rest of the supremely dysfunctional Clan. Blaise is particularly "overprotective" of Carewyn, thinking that a talented, intelligent young lady from a respectable family like her should be pursuing marriage with a proper man from a similarly respectable family and having children of their own to carry on the Cromwell legacy. Needless to say, therefore, that Blaise greatly detests not only Carewyn's future legal and romantic partner, Orion Amari, and his daughter Eos, but Carewyn's Muggle-born son "ward," Erik Apollo. And yeah, after first encountering Blaise at the Ministry while Carewyn was finishing up with the last of Erik's affairs in court, the newly-thirteen-year-old took an immediate dislike to the man who had the audacity to not shut his face after "Miss Cromwell" made it incredibly clear she wasn't asking for his opinion.

"Don't reckon it's any of your business what Miss Cromwell does or doesn't do, you old knob." "Stay out of this, brat." "Like hell! All this talk about 'proper families' and shit...what are you, from the Dark Ages or something?" "Carewyn's future is family business -- something that Mudblooded filth like you is not meant to understand...so I'll say it again: stay out of it -- " "And I'll say it again too: like fucking hell, you scumbag -- "

Carewyn interceded before the fight could get too heated -- but she did shut the conversation down with a pointed warning toward Blaise.

"Until Erik has finished his education at Hogwarts, he will be my ward and sole charge -- family in a legal sense, if not by blood." "Family?! Winnie, you can't be -- !" "I am deathly serious, Blaise. And believe me, should you make one breath toward a word insulting my ward's ancestry or relatives again, or make any other ill-meaning gesture toward him, I shall be just as serious in retaliating, as well."

As Carewyn brought an arm around Erik and led him away, the snarky teenager couldn't resist shooting one more vindictive indication of his feelings toward Blaise as they left -- something Carewyn was quick to reprove him for.

"Put that finger away, young man." "Oh come on, he deserved it." "Perhaps -- but crude gestures like that reflect badly on you too. There are more intelligent ways to get your feelings across." "Oh, I know. That way's just really satisfying." "Erik." "Sorry, Miss Cromwell."

[manie-sans-delire-x]

i agree with you every time you speak about how its so incredibly important to acknowledge female oppression based on sex, but why is it so hard to not call trans men "women"? like i don't get why so many people refuse to do that. both trans men and women have uteruses and vaginas, so why do they insist that it erases female oppression or harms women? it doesnt? the same thing happens with trans women. i think it really isnt that hard to speak about certain types of oppression while at the same time acknowledging that they very often overlap each other. like trans women and cis women both suffer misogyny, theyre both targets of sexual harassment and assault, and they both are the main victims of prostitution. trans men and women both suffer from sex-based oppression, obstetric and medical violence. trans men who are cis-passing dont suffer sexual harassment though, and they can navigate society with a considerable amount of male privilege (and so many radical feminists forget this, there ARE trans men who pass completely, most trans men who have used testosterone for a long time do, and they dont have to suffer misogyny in their daily life. it feels almost a bit insulting to hear people speak about them like they suffer the exact same oppression cis women do) trans women usually can't do this. people are diverse, and i dont get why its so difficult to speak about these things without excluding certain groups of people or just being fucking rude or disrespectful to them, many times on purpose. (sorry if i didnt explain myself well btw, english is not my first language)

Hi anon, your English is fine! Its super good actually. And thank you for acknowledging that female oppression is based off sex. But you should have stopped at "I agree with you every time you speak" lol! Jokes aside...

Transwomen (I think thats who you meant when you said transmen) are able to get surgery to have a sort of vagina, but no, they do not have uteruses... Not sure where you got that misinformation. Even if they had a uterus surgically transplanted, it would be nonfunctional and ultimately pointless to everyone. As they do not have eggs, they would be unable to have periods or get pregnant. I suspect there would be serious health risks involved too. In the same way, a transman would never be able to produce sperm even if they had a dick or balls surgically transplanted.

Girls, women, and boys are the main victims of prostitution and sex trafficking, simply because most of the "clients" are straight males. A smaller percentage of them are also sexually attracted to males, but as many of them are pedophiles, they prefer boys over grown men. So passing/not passing/extent of transition also has a lot to do with it. Traffickers of course do not care if someone is trans or not. If someone looks like a young female, they are a potential target. If they are not "passing" and look like an adult male, traffickers are likely uninterested because they are not sexually attracted, the clients are not interested, and a male is harder to physically fight and control. Or if they are smaller and young, they will happily traffic boys too- whether or not they identify as a girl. I guess what Im saying is that they do not purposefully look for transwomen, they look for girls, young women, and boys (and sometimes young men that are small/look way younger than they are). Basically anyone who looks young and vulnerable. Aside from sex, age is the next largest indicator of risk. It may even be number 1. Its not gender presentation. A female could identify as and present as a male but it would not matter to them if they can tell that they're female.

Transwomen are definitely victimized as well, but it is on incomparable scales, partly due to the vast difference in population size (1% to 50%), and usually for different reasons- transphobia, (which may or may not be mixed with misogyny). To say they are "both the main victims" makes it seem like its an equal amount, which is very much is not, luckily for transwomen.

All populations- including boys and men- experience sexual harassment and assault, but obviously that does not mean we might as well put them all in the same sex category because sex is not defined by level of oppression. Its not like, "oh you've experienced x amount of oppression in your lifetime, you may as well sit with the ladies" lol.

Transwomen are not oppressed under laws that only apply to females. Women are denied equal legal and social rights for being female, and as transwomen are biologically male, they are given equal rights from birth. As long as their birth certificate says "male", they will always be given these rights by the government.

I definitely agree that transmen who are cis-passing dont suffer sexual harassment (as much) and that they can navigate society with male privilege. But they can still be denied legal rights for being biologically female though, or be discriminated against anytime it says "female" on academic, professional, or legal paperwork. (And then transphobia can mix in with the misogyny when they see a male passing person). I also agree that they dont suffer the exact same oppression as cis women and that transwomen are not given this same luxury, because unfortunately as transwomen come to learn, misogyny is real and its a monster.

Why do you find it insulting to hear people say that passing transmen suffer the same oppression cis women do (because you know its not completely true), but you dont think its insulting to say that passing transwomen do NOT suffer the same oppression cis women do?

I think your whole argument boils down to "transwomen are oppressed just as much as ciswomen so should be considered women". Not only is that clearly not true when you look at laws, but again, sex is not defined by levels of oppression or life experience.

[tryst-art-archive]

Context: 2006

Looking through the archive, I think 2006 is when I started to get properly serious about art. At the very least, there's a life to the things I was making that seems to indicate a shift in my relationship to making. I'm not sure if that was a conscious move at the time though; there's evidence from later years that I saw 2006 as when I began doing less work of value.

My memories of 2006 are blurred into memories of the rest of high school, but I do know I went to Ireland with Mare and his family that spring, and I attended an art summer camp that Mare had been to before. Ireland was a very cool experience, and the camp allowed me to meet more art-inclined folks and try new media forms that I wouldn't've had access to otherwise, like flameworking (small glass sculpture).

But, I was still massively depressed so encountering a bunch of people my age who were also inclined toward art and were, in my opinion, better at it than me knocked my overall confidence and self-belief down a bit, even as I simultaneously got more invested in the Khra-nicles characters and viewing myself as An Artist.

I'm pretty sure I was wearing colors again by 2006 (it'd been brown and black all the time), but I wasn't following fashion beyond the sway of whatever happened to be in stores. I did have a particular style, but it involved long, unstyled hair, handmade necklaces based on my OCs, and oversized shirts and sweatshirts that pretty much hid my mortal form.

I had a bad case of "Not Like Other Girls" and had applied moralism to the fashions of the time--baby doll T-shirts, low rise flare jeans, Ugg boots, thongs, push-up bras--while deliberately going in the opposite direction. (Mum criticized me more than once for essentially following the fashions by so resolutely refusing to.) Skirts and make-up were adamantly off the table as I defiantly reveled in doing only the most pragmatic personal maintenance.

Unfortunately, I'd developed an anti-feminist streak by this time. I recall that starting when I was in 8th grade, but it persisted for several years, and what evidence I can find suggests it was at its worst in 2006 and 2007, when I was 15 and 16 respectively.

It was, simply, misplaced anger. The idea that women "can have it all" was good in theory, but in practice it connotated not that women had the option to do whatever they wanted but rather the mandate to do everything, and I resented that. I also resented every gendered expectation heaped upon me, and looking at that now, I'm dead certain that was gender dysphoria. I was resentful of being a girl and everything that the world around me had decided that meant, everything that meant for my body. I didn't have an outlet for any of that anger, and so I chose the easiest target, one I perceived as the creator of the expectations: feminists.

I didn't see the contradiction in being staunchly pro-lgbt and being anti-feminist. I also didn't see a contradiction in being anti-feminist in name and pro-feminist in action, because I didn't see "caring about women and girls" as necessarily being feminist. It was a lot of mental gymnastics that I didn't even realize I was doing.

I don't remember the exact point at which I grew past this particular phase, but I think it was either senior year of high school or the start of college (2008 or 2009, basically). Regardless, I don't think there's a ton of this phase to be seen in the archive. Most of what I made relating to it was in the dA journals deleted years ago.

Still, it shows up in some comments and descriptions as passing asides, so if you see it, know that I did get over it.

[lususnatura]

“I’ll admit, this looks bad.” // vasily

the first indication that something was up with blamore, upon being approached by vasily, had to be that he was hugging himself; a gesture that looked sort of out of place on someone who normally portrayed themselves as having a confident air. but even people who seemed to have everything figured out on the outside could have moments of anxiety, of course. blamore truly hadn't meant to hurt the person now lying across the ground from the both of them so badly. they were just a kid in comparison to it, after all. though facts were facts and although blamore had smacked them to the ground with it's tail out of panic... they were bleeding from a deep crevice in the head from it.

and it's not like they could just bring them to a hospital, considering that his body count had been on a steady increase ever since it endured it's transformation. they would arrest blamore pretty much on sight and although he was not afraid of humans themselves, they had things that could take away something very integral to it's survival: its powers. but blamore could not just stand there and watch as this kid (though they were about the age of nineteen, so they technically weren't seen as one in the eyes of the law anymore, at least) bled out in front of him. so the creature called someone in hopes that they'd help him figure out what to do.

but it was still stressful to essentially be on one of the biggest and most concerning time crunches blamore had experienced for a long time. there was blood all over its hands, and it didn't stop flowing from the vigilante's head, no matter how hard he applied pressure to the wound. if blamore didn't know any better, then it'd genuinely believe that the tightness in its chest was actually due to the fact that it couldn't breathe; not that he was freaking out, ❝ ahh, obviously, this is not good! this is the type of injury people die from. gods, i didn't mean to hit him at all, and now, look at him. ❞ blamore tried to think as he tried one last time to rouse the vigilante awake but to no avail.

it suddenly got an idea, which caused it to look up from the other's head that he was currently resting on his knees to be able to have close contact with the wound. ❝ i need you to get something for me. there is an herbal solution over there in the kitchen, labeled yarrow. could you grab it for me — please? i will literally pay you to do it at this point, i don't give a shit. i just need it, ❞ blamore gestured wildly towards the direction of said kitchen and blinked the wateriness of its eyes away. he was being totally serious about this, as there was no way he was going to be responsible for having a kid die, he thought.

[noelledeltarune]

what subtly about reigen do you think gets lost sometimes by fans? :3

ohhh this is a tough one because so often people lose the overtones of his character so bad they don't even GET to the subtleties.

i can't really think of anything off the top of my head but some smaller things that i find myself noticing that bug me a little are like. and this is specifically in fanfiction but i find that a lot of people write reigen like he is a physically avoidant person. if that makes sense? like weird about touching people. which is so so odd to see. like idk why it annoys me so much but it's just kind of weird. reigen is not awkward or uncomfortable with touching people. he is a clap on the shoulder hand in the hair kinda guy. he's a masseuse.

i just see a lot of stuff like where people write mob hugging reigen and the internal monologue is like "THIS IS WEIRD.. this is not something that's ever happened before. weeirrrd as hell. kind of awkward" and then i just close my computer and open my computer again to look at any piece of official art ever at all

sorry i know these are mostly just him and mob but that's what most of the mp100 official art is. it's just odd to me to see people write that he's like awkward about being physical or touchy when that is not reflected in his character in any way whatsoever

another thing i find kind of weird (and this isn't really ENTIRELY to do with canon but i feel like SPECIFICALLY in an ageswap context is really relevant) is that people act the same way about him as i find people act about dawn-as-akari in pokemon legends stuff. where they write him as being really exuberant and loud and excitable and bubbly???

i can't imagine him being like that (especially as a kid) at all. every scene he has where he's like alone with his own thoughts he seems really like. quiet and introspective yknow? and of course part of that is to do with the nature of his own thoughts during these moments but it makes me think of that post that's like "you fell for the character's facade that was meant to be dismantled by the viewer!! LOL!" because people act as if the way he acts at work is the main indicator of what he's like as a person. and this isn't shown as MUCH in normal fanworks because he IS an adult who spends most of his time at work. but in the ageswap stuff specifically it grinds my gears because it shows how people think of his character.. he's a generally more serious person and you can tell that even outside of that he's not super bubbly of friendly outside of how he projects himself because he doesn't fucking have any friends his age 💀