#i don't want it on my blog too overtly i guess so talking in the tags is a viable option

[silasbug]

brain going brr... but not in a good way

i don't feel like a person

i look in the mirror and i can barely comprehend that.. that is supposed to be me

skin and appendages and twitching muscles when i move, unconsciously

i really don't like it

[catboybiologist]

I think people that post photos of themselves on tumblr like you are very brave. Aren't you scared of irl people finding your blog?

Brave or just extremely stupid tbh.

This has already happened multiple times. Most of the time, it's been friends that already knew I had a place to post these kinds of pictures online, so did a little digging. And I didn't care, I would've told them my username if they asked, and they knew that. Some of them follow me here. I've also openly told other friends.

And there's probably more, including cishet friends, that may have stumbled across me somewhere, and just haven't mentioned it irl. I'm technically closeted, but my transition is an open secret at this point considering how many people explicitly know in my life. I suspect that some people are just waiting for me to say something before they mention anything trans related.

It was nerve-wracking at first, but I stopped caring too much largely because I reached a kind of extreme point related to this. This is gonna be a bit vagueposty, but the first time someone found this account, it ultimately ended very, VERY poorly. But I pushed through, along with several other bad things going on in my life, so now I kind of have a "fuckit" mentality about it.

But yeah.... Mostly it's just stupidity and a lack of caring. I want this in my life and I don't have the energy to care what other people think about it. That'll probably bite me in the ass, like it already has once, but we'll deal with that when it happens. Worst case I can always just quote everything and work on a remote bioinformatics job from wherever the fuck or something.

I do have small limits though. For example, I don't want to like... Overtly associate my research topic with this online presence, and so I'm a little evasive talking about what I actually research. I also won't outright state what my uni is even if it can be figured out. And don't try to guess either of those publicly bc I'll just ignore it.

[thecloudstan]

(Part 1) Sharing an idea I've been crafting with in my head for angst reasons: Claudia is a loving mother and I totally headcanon her to be supportive of whoever Cloud's partner is, regardless what their sex or gender, but seeing how incredibly sexist/toxic Nibelheim is and how they shunned Claudia because she wanted more than simple village life in ToTP and then the village's further mistreatment of Cloud when he a CHILD, I've gotten the idea that Nibelheim may look down on same-sex couples.

(Part 2) The devs confirmed in "Rebirth" that homosexuality is generally accepted in the world (yay!), but I don't believe that aren't any bigots that exist in the FFVII world, either. Going with this idea, I'd like to HC that there's a tiny part of Cloud that is scared how his mother would react if she knew that he was in a relationship with a man because his whole life was surrounded by people who hurt his mother and him for not fitting the "mold", even though he rejects such backwater views. (Part 3) Of course, being the awesome mother she is, Claudia would be happy for Cloud and assures him that he shouldn't worry what other people think of him, especially by the judgmental folks in Nibelheim, or anywhere else. Claudia would happily welcome Cloud and his partner to visit her in Nibelheim without fear or shame. (And if anyone has a problem with it, she'll go full mama bear mode!) Hearing this would move Cloud to tears, and it will fill him with so much relief and happiness. End. 🥹

I'm not even finished with ToTP yet and I'm already surprised by the villagers in Nibelheim. Although, I guess that whole theme of 'small town, small mind' can be pretty universal. Young people leave their small backwater towns (myself included) because of a lack of opportunity and/or a conservative mindset that never changes if people don't live in close proximity to those who are different from them. Both could be true for Nibelheim. Clearly the treatment of Cloud's family is enough to draw such a conclusion. Maybe some of the villagers who are younger would find same sex relationships to be more foreign than taboo, and might even act bizarre because they just haven't had the exposure. Older ones might have an overtly negative view. It's hard to say.

There is definitely discrimination of certain kinds in the world of FF7 (thinking about how people in Midgar talk about Wutaians in Remake), although general exploitation tends to be the main theme in terms of oppression and even the nature of the Wutaian/Midgar conflict is borne from that. It's economical as opposed to cultural. Shinra repeatedly pushes the world to the brink through socioeconomic monopoly and fascism, but the actual core cultural differences don't seem to be a feature of why all the factions (Midgar, Junon Replublic, Wutai) detest one another. Kind of an interesting, almost Trekkian means to create conflict without alienating the player...I'm careening off topic.

I don't personally like to project our real world hang-ups onto the world too much because of the extremely specific nature of it. If you're in the west, a lot of rampant homophobia is rooted in somewhat modern interpretations of religious texts (I'm being intentionally vague here, I'm not going to get into this shit on a fandom blog), so it can feel strange to imagine how that would be expressed even in Nibelheim. I guess an old world desire to have a big family to work the land or whatever? Something more akin to 'traditional family survival' than 'THAT AIN'T RIGHT.' I don't know. I get where you're coming from, though. And I think ultimately the point is that Claudia would be supportive, which she obviously would. She clearly feels that her son hung the moon, and I don't think it's just because he went off to become a SOLDIER. I'm sure their bond was extremely intense (coming from a child of divorce/single parent home), especially given the treatment she received from the other villagers. She likely tried her best to shield him from it, but I'm certain there were quiet moments alone when it was overwhelming for her. It would only be natural for her to fear that Cloud would be treated poorly for being different (he already is), and she was probably delighted when he chose to leave for a better life. Sad, but hopeful he would find his tribe (and his way). I wouldn't mind if the Remake series gave us a few more memories Cloud has with her, a little more window into their lives before everything went to shit. Maybe in the Mideel bits, we'll see.

This went super long and I kind of rambled, but I had a lot of feelings that I wanted to share. I know you sent me some follow-ups so my response to those may seem redundant now, but I'll get to them!

[jack-bytez-genuine-corner]

Dear Tumblr diary

I'm still scared of sleep and it's a hard act to do. My brother bullying me my entire childhood sadly still sticks with me I guess.

Brain fog sucks. I sometimes lose track of time and it's absolutely terrifying. I'm trying to adapt in my own way but the next time I see a doctor I guess I'll see if there's anything that can help. I don't like the realization of me missing time. I'm being a bit overdramatic as it only happens for short bursts but it's just awful as it is never consistent in how bad it is.

I don't understand why I write these as I don't even know if I want a response. I guess it's calming to send my thoughts into the empty void that is the Internet.

I wrote a letter to myself while delirious from sleep deprivation on how I can make a tech fairy outfit for cons and for fun. I don't remember what is in the letter I wrote two+ hours ago. I hope I was nice to myself in it, I think I was. If the outfit turns out bad or good I'll be happy, I deserve to fail or succeed at sewing, a thing I used to do as a wee lad. It'll be fun, period.

I cried a lot thinking about games that sincerely changed my life today: The World Ends with You when I was a depressed teen that helped me relearn how to like other people and even be vulnerable with them. That game helped me to expand my world, appreciate others even if I don't know them or share any similarities with them and that the world truthfully does end with you. Then Hi-Fi Rush now which honestly helped me realize that it's ok to be a loser with low / no prospects or accomplishments, because living your best life and struggling towards a dream, any dream is important. If I get a tattoo I'm getting Mr Mew and 808 cause simply remembering those games makes me all emotional. I need to not feel like a failure just cause I'm still in college at 25 years old and still a loser, cause I have people who care about me, I have a lot of the world to learn from and listen to their noise, I can still let people in. Basically it's ok to be a loser and to fail.

I helped some med students get ready to draw blood today. My husband is going there as well, but he got all his arm pokes in so I was just there to make sure others got theirs in as well. I talked to a lot of them but I don't think people feel that comfortable when I'm so honest and forward with stating what I'm feeling. I used to use a mask for every social interaction, but now I try my hardest with everyone to make sure I'm being authentic, so I'll just flat out state that I'm grateful for talking to them, that I'm excited for them, that this or that thing of them is brave, that their clothing or mannerisms are cool. I try as hard as possible to be so overtly kind cause I don't want to "Fake" it anymore, I just want to be that way. To me, I know I mean it, but I worry if I'm coming off as not genuine. I don't need them to say "Oh thank you for being you" but I just don't want to be seen by others as a loser even if my outlook of myself is that. Side note but I'm extremely thankful for the students bringing home cooked, authentic food to the potluck as a thank you for friends and family getting poked. Some of it is clearly home recipes passed down in different cultures. I'm only regretting the fact I didn't question them for a history lesson on the food they made as I really want to know the story behind the food.

I do that online too and I don't know if people like it or get it. When I got that art commissioned I went out of my way to tell the artist repetitively how much it meant to be, and how pretty their art is, and I meant it 100%. They deserve to know that info and l, btw, think the model is practically perfect and I've never been so happy to see something that I could only describe in my brain be real. I need to change my profile pic on here and the blog title, but it feels different or wrong to do that at this moment. Similarly if I reblog your art with those types of compliments, please know I mean it. I don't want to lie and I want to be an honest man, and every single person deserves kindness and honesty from strangers.

I hate that US society is so dehumanizing and selfish centric. We ignore other cultures to an extreme, are extremely paranoid and it's always about me - me - me, but never we. I really wish I got to live in a society that's more level headed, a little more kind, and a little more stable. I often have to fight myself because of this: When I get real disillusioned at the state of things and can't see the good in people I just revert to edgy, suicidal teen me that views everyone and everything as a falsehood and a threat. Person walking their dog down the street? Will actually kill you for fun. Happy couple? Complete lie, happiness isn't real. That "Me" wasn't healthy and still isn't, but when I see how the US treats minorities , treats the poor it just kills my want to live and experience life. It's like I just want to become a hermit who experiences nothing. Thank goodness I was fortunate enough to be in a position for therapy, because I don't want that to be my outlook: I want to live in a world with hope and I want to believe good things will happen because I think they can and will, it just sadly takes time. That disillusionment has been happening more recently, but I try real hard to make sure I remember that good things can still happen and that I can be good for the people in my community, I can be their hope like they are mine. The strength of Trans people, Black people, Natives, women, progressives, etc, is awe inspiring to me and they're what gives me hope that things can be better. And if anyone not in the US is reading, you also give me hope, cause I can always look elsewhere and see good people doing good things just to do so.

I finished my classes this semester, my Python programming class I got over 100%. I should feel really accomplished but I just don't feel that. I love programming, don't get me wrong, but I still hit a roadblock daily on allowing myself to feel good about myself. I just remember things I've said to random strangers online or things I've done in person and I put myself at below where I would situate others: I can forgive people for those things, but I can't forgive myself. Maybe it's trauma from my bro, maybe it's my illogical brain, but I really should try to take pride and joy in doing good at things. If others deserve that, don't I as well?

This post keeps getting longer but I just have more of my guts to spill I guess. I really dislike the feeling that the body I always wanted is pretty much permanently out of reach and was never in reach to begin with. It's dysphoria but I'll never be a thin shouldered Twink and that's ok. I like my beard, I don't mind balding at 25, i think my wide shoulders and heavy weight are tactical advantages. Still, I hate being 250~ pounds permanently. My weight hasn't changed for such a long time and my build has always been the same. It doesn't matter what diet I try or what years long lifestyle changes I make, shedding down the pounds might as well be impossible. Other than my fibromyalgia and post COVID brain fog I'm healthy as an ox so I'm very grateful for that. I'm also thankful for that doctor and therapist who aided me with my eating disorder crap, without them I might be dead and that's no good. Maybe that's why I'm a furry? Who knows.

The other day I got to call a beekeeper to come and save a swarm of bees. It's was very exciting and I got to learn a lot about the process as I saw her vacuum up the whole swarm. A junior beekeper tagged along and brought her kid. The daughters name started with a T, she has her 13th birthday and she was having trouble with her Spanish teacher who is really busy business focused, likes gymnastics and her favorite insect is the honey bee with her least favorite insect being the killer bee. I talked to her and hopefully helped her to not take out her frustrations with her teacher on the idea of learning / speaking Spanish. From what I gathered I think she understood it. To me, language is extremely precious and unique, with any and every single one being worthy of preservation and respect so I'm glad it seems like she won't let one stern teacher stop her from learning Spanish. I am very grateful I got to see a kid be very excited about bees. Side note but if my situation was better / more stable I'd love to adopt, it's a travesty that many kids just get tossed around the foster system and don't get a loving home. And if I do adopt, I really won't be picky as all kids deserve a loving home. If we adopt a Black kid or Native kid I'll have to figure out how to make sure they aren't denied that cultural heritage as those are extremely important things, and perhaps the right answer is not too cause I'm not a white savior so to speak? It's honestly a complex moral question to me.

I feel at odds with my close friend group. In my eyes, their family and come first but I think I'm viewed more as an afterthought. Regardless of that I still need to remember to send them love. When it isn't 3 in the morning I'll make sure to send them a nice message on discord as they deserve it. Is a cat meme too cliche?

My cat is a little space heater, and even though he annoys the crap out of me he cares for me to such an extreme degree that I should always remember him for being there to watch my back, to comfort me when I cry like a baby, and the fact that he basically discusses things with me.

I still don't understand blogging but I don't think I want too. Similarly I don't understand mutuals but I'm glad people have them on here. Closing message is to remember to be kind to yourselves, that you don't need a reason to live past being alive, and that you have value innately. You matter.

(Why did I even write this for an hour?)

[maoam]

genuine question, so why does everyone assume sasuke is this submissive bottom or uke just bc he has some feminine features? i love sasunaru and narusasu but i can’t imagine one just bottoming frequently or forever. i feel like they both would want to top or bottom lol, it’s more in character imo, plus when it’s just sasunaru or narusasu, they tend to make them really ooc.

"Everyone"

If it was "everyone" there wouldn't be posts with thousands of notes about daddy Sasuke or Naruto having a harem where he takes multiple dicks because he's such a desirable bottom or blogs insisting he's feminine and would wear makeup and act like Ariana Grande. Or have his friends be women he has girl talks with while the guys only want to get into his pants (because deep down these people see him as a woman).

Not saying there aren't people who say Sasuke should be bottom because he's more feminine looking. It's common in m/m shipping. It's either people take the one who does look prettier (Sasuke) or they take the other and change their features to be softer/feminine/prettier (Naruto) to fit the role better.

I have my issues with both ns and sn fandoms and I'm sure a lot of people are probably tired of this topic but...

I feel like top Naruto in fics is always much more likeable than top Sasuke? Sometimes almost too likeable. While Sasuke is often aggressive and like he's overcompensating, I don't like it. Or he's a sappy guy who woos and chases after Naruto. I also dislike how people act like Sasuke would be some sex-expert or fuck around a lot. Only one time I have read bottom Naruto that I found sort of okay (Sasuke annoyed me a bit though) but the fic had the writing for other characters to be something I didn't like so I didn't bookmark it. Bottom Sasuke is much more often okay, but there are fics where I dislike how he is overtly asshole or lacking edge. What I really don't like is when people make either into a doormat.

To be honest most of the time the fics that don't have sex are better for me, I guess because less projection lol but honestly I'm lazy about reading fics. Oh and people should try to sometimes write nsfw without penetration. There's more to sex than it.

[trans-cortana]

Okay, now that I've finally seen the first episode of the Halo Paramount+ series, I'd like to share my thoughts. Cause, oh boy, do I sure have a lot of thoughts...

SPOILERS AHEAD

Tl;dr: I'm VERY angry about the face reveal, but there was also a lot that I really enjoyed

So I guess I'll begin with some of the things I liked:

Seeing the rebels fleshed out and humanized in a medium other than the books is something that I've wanted to see for a long time, and I think this series is handling them pretty well so far. I do like Kwan Ha, but her and Chief's relationship and growth has been rushed so much in the first episode...

Anyway, another aspect I really appreciated was this show's take on the Covenant. The Elites' armor design isn't really my thing (a lot better than Halo 4 and 5 though), but the Covie weapons and vehicles are great, and my boy Mercy looks and sounds fantastic! Also, sorry to be a sucker for cheap fanservice, but we got a motherfucking "wort wort wort!!!" I really hope to see the Grunts in live action too. And I know a lot of people hate the idea of the Covenant adopting a human into their ranks, but a human would be an extremely useful asset, and I'm not too bothered with the Covenant's morals being slightly different, seeing as it's a different timeline and all (even if that means Sangheili directly kill unarmed civilians now. Very *brutal* of them.)

Speaking of questionable morals, let's talk about the UNSC. I always love seeing them being a little evil and fucked up, but I hope this series can show a bit more of their good side too as it goes on. But as you can probably guess from my blog title, I have a bit of a soft spot for the insurrectionists, so I suppose I don't really mind seeing the UNSC being portrayed as more overtly corrupt this time.

Putting aside my lukewarm feelings on their place in the story, the UNSC's visual design is almost perfect, especially the Spartans. I'm also very glad to see and hear the UNSC weapons brought to life with just as much style as the Covenant's.

And that brings me to my last point before i get to my more negative thoughts: the sound design. The music we've heard hasn't really impressed me so far, but I'm very satisfied with the sound effects, particularly those of the guns. I am not immune to nostalgia bait, so hearing classic Halo sounds again made me very happy.

Ok, this post is going on a lot longer than I anticipated. Thank you for bearing with me. Without further ado, here's some of my more critical opinions:

I'll start with the big one... so I'm okay with the Silver timeline taking some liberties, but this moment in the episode was when my hype immediately turned into disgust. Because even though it doesn't necessarily contradict the lore, it cheaply subverts an iconic, decades-long trait of a pop culture icon without coming remotely close to earning it. If you haven't guessed what I'm talking about, *he* took *his helmet off. With almost no buildup. In the first. Fucking. Episode.

There's no better way to show zero respect for the original source material. It would have been completely fine if Chief took his helmet off and audience never saw his face, that's a classic Halo trope after all (but even then, him showing so much trust to this rebel kid he's barely interacted with over the course of a short space trip is still so fucking stupid.) Hell, even if they briefly revealed his face and then put his helmet back on i would have been a bit less upset. But his face is all over the entire climax of the episode, and the wow factor of seeing the hero of Halo come to life is completely lost. Instead of seeing the most iconic helmet in video game history (and one of the most iconic helmets in sci fi as a whole), I'm just looking at some random man's face.

Since this show seems to take a lot of inspiration from a *certain other popular science fiction series,* maybe it should have taken notes on how they handled their helmeted protagonist's face reveal, because this was NOT the Way. The Mandalorian at least waited until the end of their first season to first let us see Din's face, and the few times he is unmasked are very brief. With that formula, we still associate him with his helmet, and seeing his face brings so much more weight and emotion to those rare moments. But "Halo" has decided to disregard anything interesting they could have done with Chief's face reveal, and now he's just some conventionally attractive man, and the symbol of his stoicism that hides his vulnerability is now an optional accessory. Hope it was worth it.

And since I've spent way too much time picking apart that problem, let me briefly list some of my smaller gripes:

Halsey feels too tame so far. I miss Chief's bitchy evil mom.

It's WAY too early for Chief to go rogue! The reason that was the most hype part of Halo 5 was because we already had the context of that version of him being extremely loyal to the UNSC, and the fact that he loved Cortana enough to potentially ruin the only life he knew to get her back. In the show he's risking everything for an enemy of the state that he just met.

The Elites have the Halo 4/5 problem where they look and act too much like the Brutes, but thankfully to a lesser extent.

Some of the visual effects do look very cheap, but then again some of them look very good

Anyway, that's the end of my long-winded and rambly review. If I had to rate this episode, I'd probably give it a 5.5/10. I'm not going to do huge posts like this for every episode, but I might do another after the season's over and I've had time to digest it all. Thank you very much for reading, and here's hoping that the rest of the series has more to offer!

[amysubmits]

Amy,

I do see domintant traits in my husband but we are venturing into DD to kind of bring that out more as well as bring out my desire to submit to him. My question for you and your partner is, do you have any advice to offer on how to speak (tone wise, words/sentences) that could give him more ideas? Obviously he and I don't want him to he a robot, but just a general idea to get him to understand the importance of phrases and tones. I read one your blogs and I so related to you saying you get off on the tones and words he uses. Sometimes my husband does that and it's nice because it came natural, but I would love more of that.

(ask #2)

I was looking for some advice from you and your partner. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've struggled with me respecting him because he doesn't normally come across as authoritative. I have seen that side maybe once or twice but I think because of the lack of respect I've shown he really lost confidence in himself which I really hate and blame myself for. I grew up in a pretty chaotic house so arguing comes natural to me. Whereas for some who grew up the same way are intimidated easily and shy away from conflict, as it sounds like is the case for you, which I'm glad you are more naturally submissive. In my heart though, I want to submit to him. We have decided to give DD a trial though and I'm really grateful for that but also feel guilty for even wanting it. I relate so much to some of your posts. For example, just how a phrase or tone can be exciting. Do you and your partner have any suggestions or advice on how a man can come to understand why it's appealing to us? And maybe even some tips on what kind of phrases work. Lol 😆 . I would love if you guys could sit down and think about how your partner came to understand the importance of the words he said and the tone he used when it came to backing up his commitment to this lifestyle. To your boyfriend, do you know the affect you have on Amy when you say certain things? What do you think about having that affect?

---------------------------

It’s always hard to know what someone who has read some of my blog posts has envisioned about me/us as a result of reading my posts. So I guess to start with I just want to try to explain how I perceive our relationship to work when it comes to word choice and tone, to make sure we’re on the same page to start?

CD using certain tones of voice, or certain phrases or wording, can definitely have an immediate impact on my headspace. I know I’ve written about being in a bad attitude and him saying something, or using a tone, and it basically being an immediate attitude adjustment. Those things happen sometimes. They’re quite rare, though. They really only happen if I’m out of line to begin with. 

Most of the time, he knows that I will listen to him regardless of how he words things or what tone of voice he uses. More often than not, he uses his regular speaking voice, and just whatever working comes naturally to him when speaking to me. Most of the things he has me to are pretty simple acts of service. Get him a drink, cook dinner, a specific chore around the house, etc. Those are sort of the ‘bread and butter’ of our normal instructing and submitting, day to day. 

I think when it comes to food or drinks, he almost always asks. Would you make me X? Will you bring me a drink? Etc. 

With chores, he sometimes asks but often will just express it as a want. “I’d like you to vacuum the living room today.” for example. 

I say all of this to say, I don’t feel like CD is always speaking to me in a stereotypically authoritative way. He speaks to me quite similarly in front of other people as he does when we are alone, and the way he speaks to me in front of others never turns heads and has never upset anyone. It comes off as socially acceptable, polite, respectful of me, etc. We have a podcast together and while I don’t think he ever gave me any instructions while recording, some of the most common feedback we got from the podcast was that it as really insightful to hear how we talk and interact with each other. We got feedback on both ends of the spectrum, I guess. A couple were upset that I tease him, for example. I think some feel that doesn’t belong in D/s relationships or that it’s not appropriate for a submissive to do, i guess. Others told us we were ‘Sooo obviously’ Dom and sub in the way we speak to each other. So, how it will sound to you..i have no idea. But I think it does show how we talk to each other so that might give you some insight into us that might be helpful for adding context to my relationship, anyway. 

Anyway. At the same time as I say he speaks to me very casually, I feel his authority over me with the way that he speaks to me. Because I know that when he asks me to get him a drink, he fully expects me to get him a drink. It’s worded as a question, but it’s not really a question. But it also just doesn’t seem like a harsh, stern or rude thing. He expects my obedience and my service but not in a harsh way. It’s not...I know you will listen to me because if not...’ it’s just...”i know when i ask you this you will do it because i know you listen to me.” It’s closer to being a compliment than it is to being a threat. But it’s not really either. It’s more of just knowing who we are and how we work. And that takes time, to get comfortable in seeing yourself as dom and sub, in trusting your D/s as far as really believing it’s who you are. 

Gosh I feel like i’m talking in circles. I hope you’re able to follow me, haha. I guess I say all this to say..while I have many anecdotes on my blog about tones CD has used with me, or specific things he’s said...some of those were said casually but still were very powerful on me because of how our relationship works. Others were specific tones. Off the top of my head, I recall one post I shared a non-compliant mood I was in, he was sitting on our bed, I was standing so we were the same height, eye to eye, and he just looked me in the eye and quietly said ‘stop’, and my mood totally flipped. I know i’ve shared others where he uses “Dom Voice” to catch my attention or correct my course. Those types of things happen sometimes, and when they do, I tend to write about them because they feel like a big deal. They aren’t the norm though, and they’re frankly, kinda the result of failures on my part. He only gets authoritative with me when I’m not listening very well to begin with. For us, it wouldn’t be sustainable if he had to always be like that with me to get compliance. Yes, I need him to be stern with me when I get out of line. But that can’t be the norm. If he did have to sort of ‘force’ my submission all the time, it would be putting way too much responsibility for my submission onto him. I have to take responsibility for it first. His sternness is the backup plan. 

The way that CD speaks to me, whether casually or when being more stern, is just how it comes natural to him. I think the authority I Feel from his casual language comes from feeling his assertiveness and confidence, in part? And in part it’s just knowing our D/s and how it works as I said a bit higher up. I think when he’s stern with me that just sort of comes naturally after more casual tone doesn’t work. Not to compare myself to a dog, lol, but if my dog doesn’t listen to me the first time, i’ll change the one of my voice a bit to sound like ‘i mean business’ and I think most people just naturally do that. So he just naturally gets more stern with me if I’m being a turd when he asks nicely. Though I think it somewhat comes back to having confidence in your D/s, too. He has to be confident in his authority over me in order to push for obedience/compliance if I resist a bit at first. I think part of that naturally improves with time as the dominant gains confidence in their position within the dynamic. 

We’ve never discussed the way that CD speaks to me, that I can recall. I just wouldn’t want to have that much say in how CD acts as my Dom, to be honest. I think it’s good to talk openly with each other about what makes you feel submissive or him feel dominant, for sure. If he says something that really made you feel submissive, its great to let him know that. But for me, asking him to speak a certain way or giving him suggested phrases just is too far. I think it would be really tough for a dom to feel dominant if they’re trying to speak in the way that their sub wants them to. I think it would be better to let him find his own tones and wording, etc over time. 

Back to how I have to take responsibility for being submissive even when he isn’t speaking super authoritatively...with you saying that your partner has low self confidence, I think it’s extra important for you to take responsibility for your submission. I think confidence is built when someone feels accepted, appreciated and trusted as they are. So, I think it would be potentially counter-productive to ask him to change how he acts to get more submission or respect from you. I imagine that could easily read as ‘if you want my submission or respect, you have to change’ and that is going to lower his confidence even more. 

I’m not prone to conflict the way you say you are and I know that when you’ve had patterns of behavior since childhood that’s really, really tough to overcome. I think that really is a key way that you’ll show him that you respect his natural Dominace, though. Is to work to overcome your instinct to challenge him when he isn’t being super authoritative. Once he’s able to feel that respect from you, it might increase his confidence in himself in general and in his position as your Dominant to where he will be more comfortable being more overtly authoritative. So in a nutshell, I think you’re sort of looking at it a little bit backwards. Instead of trying to change his way of speaking so that you will respond more submissively, I think what should come first is you respecting his “softer” leadership to build his confidence, so that he can then embrace more of his natural dominance.