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#i don't want to live in this way anymore
exodusx · 2 years
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I want to be myself again,
but I'm still trying to find it.
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greatalastoraltruist · 2 months
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So we know Alastor and Lilith disappeared at the same time 7 years ago. And we know that Lucifer had a meeting with Heaven which began the exterminations. We don't know when that happened though. Either they're not mentioning when the exterminations started because they've always happened or because revealing when they started would give too much away and make it too easy to guess things. All Charlie knows is that Lucifer went to the meeting and she assumes he gave the go ahead for exterminations. But the exterminations haven't always happened. They only started after the angels, or specifically Sera I think considering no other angels knew about it, became afraid of the power and influence Lilith had over the demons.
My current theory is that that meeting was called between Sera, Adam, and Lucifer because Alastor and Lilith were planning on working together with him broadcasting her voice on his radio station to inspire the other demons to rise to war against the angels. I think Sera demanded that Lilith and Alastor be separated with Lilith making a deal with Adam to stay in heaven where she can't empower any other demons with her voice or even contact anyone in hell and that Sera demanded the exterminations happen as well in order to not only lessen the demons' power but also instill fear in them in an attempt to prevent future uprisings. I think Alastor was given the options of either be killed or sign a contract limiting his power and requiring him to stay away for a while so that their little idea of rebellion is forgotten amongst the masses. I especially think that because of Zestial's comment about folks thinking Alastor had fallen to holy arms. Maybe Sera is his contract holder. That or they tried to straight up kill him and he somehow escaped barely alive and it's taken this long for him to heal and regain enough power for him to feel comfortable revealing himself to society. But trying to kill him wouldn't explain the contact or his need to 'unclip his wings'.
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imthursdaysyme · 9 months
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I feel like the kids in st would have simple small answers for “what do you want to do in the future” bc subconsciously or not they don’t think they’ll survive, I think Lucas would answer and say oh I want to be a camp counselor one summer and his dad is like….I meant a job son
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uselessnbee · 4 months
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what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.
or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!
and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes
and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you
#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her#but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son#just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead#so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options#that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive#thinking about it makes me go feral#they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible#and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too#but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye#percy jackson#sally jackson#pjo#hoo#percy and sally#percy jackon and the olympians#whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work#and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts#don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him#but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore?#and he knows that's not true but what if?#i'm thinking it#okay i think that's enough
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gideonisms · 6 months
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The thing about my parents is I will text them like "love you there's a potential gun incident" etc and then after the all clear and I'm home they will ask like. So how was the rest of your day. I....well, it was bad! Idk what you want me to say. Like the morale was low
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laas-yahnir · 4 months
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hmmm maybe I am going to make my own post about the whole "adult cartoon fans shouldn't expect other people to want to watch their favorites" thing, I saw the post again and all the notes on it implying that liking cartoons is inherently immature and I got annoyed
I have all kinds of academic and personal credentials that I could trot out to justify why I shouldn't be treated as if I'm immature for loving She-Ra as much as I do; I'm 31 with a humanities-oriented graduate degree under my belt, I think I'm a pretty deeply intellectually- and analytically-motivated person, I have something like 700 books in my apartment and only a handful of them are targeted at young-adult-or-younger audiences, I've experienced and loved plenty of adult-oriented and/or live-action movies, shows, games, I'm actually really big into a lot of nonfictional media, yada yada......
but I shouldn't have to trot out those traits and accomplishments to get people to take me seriously when I say that yes, the cartoon lesbians learning about the power of love and friendship changed my life, and profoundly, and I do think it's worth experiencing regardless of whether or not it has the same impact on you
someone else discounting all TV-Y7 animation outright and challenging me to prove to them why and how my fave is intellectually stimulating enough to be a valid interest (by whose standards?) is decidedly not my problem
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oifaaa · 9 months
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Oh yeah, Mr. First-Robin-to-Get-a-Solo-and second-longest-Robin-run-and-now-a-Robin-again-instead-of-a-guy-who-is-supposed-rp-be-Robin-by-now is sure most mistreated
Here's the thing the comments were definitely meant in a in universe Tim's the most mistreated Robin way but even then its like baby boy hasn't even died as Robin both dick and Bruce respect the hell out of him as Robin and he's respected as a hero and leader in the outter hero community he's gotten beaten up a few times but that's just what being Robin is like
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casiavium · 15 days
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I really need to be cleaning my room but. fanfiction I'd write if I had time but I Do Not
There are several ghiralink fic storylines that are along the lines of "Link gets exactly what he thinks he wants and turns out it isn't really what he needs" (whether real or a dream-state) that have him taking Ghirahim's sword and gaining complete control over him and the themes are of personhood and power and complacency. be careful what you wish for type things. A few that are Ghirahim killing Link/Link losing and realizing he would rather have him alive and fighting instead of dead/given up because it was more fun than way, but usually end up being sad. oh well I guess for the former and teaming up with Link to defeat Demise for the latter.
What I want to write is the themes of scenario 1 but role reversed so it's like scenario 2 with Ghirahim having the "this isn't what I wanted" moment. Ghiralink adds, usually as a joke, a level of "if I can't kill you, maybe you could join me ;)" and I want to write more or less Link doing that, Link being a perfect subservient extension that does everything he wants him to and he doesn't regret it (he can't), but Ghirahim having the realization that he doesn't want someone who is nothing more than an object for him to use. A doll. A sword.
And then, how Link has guilt over Fi and the Master Sword and his role as hero and how Hylia controls him but he's no better than her, Ghirahim realizing Link is now what he is to Demise and rethinking his own position. Is this what Demise thinks of me. Is that why he treats me the way he does. And he takes his anger out on Link but Link can't fight back anymore. Link doesn't want to fight back anymore, and not in a depressed it's hopeless kind of way, but in the same way Ghirahim accepted Demise pulling the sword out of his chest.
When Ghirahim is empty and goes isn't this what you wanted, Link can genuinely say no because he has a hero's heart and conscience and never meant for anyone to get hurt. When Link goes I am what you made me, Ghirahim has to face that fact that yes, he is, and he is made in my image, and I do not want this anymore.
#ghiralink#ghirahim#I want skyward sword bad ends but I want them completely different from what is already out there#I want the dark ending from Ghirahim's POV where he got what he wanted and everything is perfect and Link isn't ever an issue anymore#and like honestly. I don't want it to be a sex thing. like yeah that could be part of it but I don't think it would work as well#how I wanted the sword spirit au to go but did not manage to make it work this way 😔#I want Demise to win and Link to live and Ghirahim to know he does but not see him for a few weeks/months. to not even think about him#or feel any guilt that he's probably rotting away in a dungeon or getting tortured or whatever. no even excited about that just apathetic#and entirely focused on Demise (who is in turn pretty apathetic about him but he doesn't even realize) until one day he sees Link and he's#*not* a prisoner. he's just another solider in a demon army or a regular servant or maybe even a bodyguard to Demise. and he speaks with him#and there's no trace of animosity or anger or sadness or anything. there is no war in ba sing se etc.#and then I don't have anymore than that it's just kind of wouldn't that be fucked up huh#for Ghirahim to have absolutely no underlying thoughts of demise actually sucks or foreshadowing he's not the perfect blade he presents as#and all of that to snap when he sees an enemy completely changed. he wanted Link dead. even when he says you could join me#he would expect push back and fights and relapsing into wanting to be the hero. he never considered what if he wasn't an enemy at all
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falderaletcetera · 8 months
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come to think of it another reason I'm biased towards nine might be because we never reach such beautiful casual queer vibes as the doctor + rose + jack situation again, at least not as far as I've watched. like I'm honestly not that much of a shipper but that kiss scene DOES things to me. and part of that is how loosely defined the relationship seems to be, at least maybe from jack's perspective. I can't rightly say it was wholly romantic in canon, but it sure was something - yes, rose flirted with jack way more than the doctor did when they first met, but the doctor even just being chill about jack kissing him feels significant - and I do love a quasi-romantic loosely-defined Something.
#doctor who#falderal speaks#I have stills from the jack+rose and jack+doctor kisses because I'm. normal about it#and I think we avoid seeing the doctor's face during or right after because they didn't want to shock the viewers too much?#if we don't see the doctor's face or reaction it can be waved off as just a Jack Being Jack thing#and it leaves us this sort of... almost plausible denability almost ambiguity#and again that may just be the vibe jack brings to it#it honestly makes me a little sad that he feels so different in torchwood#because I almost wanna say that pre-torchwood jack is maybe just LIKE this with his close friendships#maybe he comfortably straddles/ignores the line between friendship and romance when that's safe and welcome#(or else just falls into that with rose and the doctor specifically)#and maybe he's just lived through so much by torchwood (or lived so long in such a restrictive culture)#that he just. doesn't do that anymore. can't.#those are my feelings on it at least!#I haven't strayed into the fandom at ALL I just grew up with the show so nobody read this as reacting to any trends in the fandom pls#anyway apparently I'm mostly feral about the relationships I can think about and ship in a queerplatonic way#which will be a surprise to absolutely no-one who knows me from fandom stuff#but I hadn't thought to think about these three that way before. and it's a treat.#drafted last night just posted today#(like this was probably the first queer character and queer kiss I saw on screen and it was a nationally beloved family-friendly show)#(I'm basically obligated not to be normal about it)
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v-arbellanaris · 9 months
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To be clear, I'm sending this ask not to start an argument but because talking about S/amson's morality as a subject interests me. This is all intended politely, though I am bad at tone. While my personal thoughts on S/amson's stuff in act 3 are a little complicated (shit of him to do, and they have him be excited about the annulment on the templar route, the latter of which I do have to wonder if they did simply bc the writers hate addicts (they do) or not. Still it did happen and it IS odd when people try to act like he had less part in the attempted genocide of the gallows than C/ullen, who was way more hesitant than S/amson), how did you come to the conclusion that he was purposefully throwing mages at slavers? He says pretty explicitly that he didn't know and was trying to get mages out of Kirkwall, are you assuming he's lying or is there some extra information I'm missing? I guess I could see why he might lie here if that was his intention, but I don't… really think he is? there's nothing to point to it? I see "he gave mages to a slaver" as a point a lot in the S/amson discourse, but I don't know how people are coming to the conclusion that he wasn't genuinely doing the best with the no resources he had at that moment, and the smuggler he was using ended up being a slaver without his knowledge. This being said, the fandom posing him as super good compared to C/ullen is really weird, and while I understand why it happens, it is frustrating seeing people ignore his blatent flaws.
do i think he deliberately gave mages over to slavers? no, i don't think that. i also don't think a lack of deliberateness absolves him of blame. k/irkwall is notorious for slavers - how many do we kill in game? we find a bunch just hanging out in lowtown, and the docks, and near the wounded coast. but the guy who lives on the edge of the docks never suspects that the man taking runaways for free is a slaver?
with regards to f/eynriel, s/amson is very explicit about how he didn't help f/eynriel as much as possible because he didn't have money. instead, he directs f/eynriel to a ship captain he knows. he knew the slaver, and he sent both o/livia and f/eynriel to him. when h/awke says "of course your friend's a kidnapper", s/amson quickly says r/einer's not a friend, but someone who "isn't scared to try out this business". but what business is he referring to? f/eynriel doesn't have coin, that's the entire reason s/amson turned him away. what other reason does a ship captain in kirkwall HAVE to take people on for free? s/amson deliberately sends f/eynriel to someone else to deal with. and when he heard rumours that person was selling people, what did he do? nothing, until h/awke comes looking.
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crescentfool · 1 month
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going to keep this vague on purpose but playing reload has reactivated brain chemicals in me that i forgot i had.
i think i'd want to make a more thought out post later, but i think my favorite thing about reload (aside from seeing minato in full HD glory) is how much it's made me think about video games as a storytelling medium- specifically with what mechanics and game design imply for characters.
there's a lot of quality of life features added to reload that help players easily enter a flow state and get immersed in the gameplay (most notable with tartarus)! which is so dope! reload has been such a nice blend of the mechanics from both FES and portable and it feels like a love letter to persona 3 fans.
there are definitely mechanics i miss from FES (minato's ability to wield multiple weapons being one of them). i can't deny that FES has some dated mechanics that don't necessarily feel fun for the player experience... but!
i think i mostly miss things from FES because i feel like so much of minato's characterization (for me) was informed by the gameplay experience and mechanics (e.g. fatigue system). obviously there's still other ways you can put together his personality (his dialogue responses), but i think game mechanics are a bit part of it, for me.
but in spite of that, i think reload is a really nice introduction to persona 3, it's so much more accessible and has a bunch of things to help make it more fun :) so far i think i'd recommend it to people :D
#persona 3#persona 3 reload#i don't even really talk about mechanics from reload specifically here but just in case haha#lizzy speaks#im really enjoying this game. i dont want to get into specific details abt reload in a text post atm#and if i do in the future it'll be under the cut#but my god this game is giving me big brainrot#i know i tend to mostly just be like 'hehe fanart reblogging time and here is me talking about the two guys i like'#but playing reload again reminded me of how much i loved playing FES because it was so fun for me to see how FES was designed#like... every time i finished FES i'd think about how much modernsona evolved the gameplay formula and built upon it#and now every time i finish reload i think 'goddamn they've really nailed the formula this experience is so fun'#but also it's fun for me to think about the different experiences curated by both FES and reload#i don't really know if anyone would play FES anymore with reload being out but i still really like the takeaways from FES#FES mechanics may not be the most convenient for the player but they definitely help sell the narrative in ways that only a video game can#like sometimes i just think about the movies and while its a good summary of the events it feels more like supplementary material#like p3 is 80+ hours and in order to have that 6 hour movie experience there's so much that has to be condensed/removed. they hit different#sometime after i finish reload im going to make a text post about my favorite mechanics from FES and how you can read into minato's-#character from it (i don't feel like it's very original but GUYS I LOVE GAME DESIGN GAME DESIGN IS SO COOL AND INTERESTING)#anyways. i needed 2 get my feelings out there. im on august 4th rn. this game is so awesome i love experiencing minato's day to day life#and i fucking LOVE TARTARUS!!!!!! (this tower is my beloved i can just live here forever).#i love having no expectations for video games ever because then i get knocked out of my seat im having so much fun. ok bye. back to the voi
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exodusx · 2 years
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musical-chick-13 · 4 months
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"This show is SO good, you should watch it!!"
I gotta be honest. If I look at a character list on Wikipedia and get five characters down without seeing a single woman, it's probably not for me.
#I have no patience for 'there is exactly one woman in the main/supporting cast' anymore#unless the writing is INCREDIBLE and the themes are explored with a type of depth and nuance I can't get anywhere else (like shiki)#(daily media plug for shiki)#then I just. probably will not vibe with it. if there are no women. (also shiki DOES have interesting female characters in it)#and this isn't to say that like. things involving men or talking about men or that have a male protagonist are Not Worth#My Time that is NOT what I'm saying at all. I just want like. several women. who show up and affect the story. like LITERALLY that is all I#am asking for. I feel like that's just. the bare minimum. but alas.#mel screams about fictional ladies again#there are plenty of things that are male-character-focused that I enjoy and even genuinely think are good! but I do want people to#ask themselves why they aren't willing to go to bat for media that DOES have more women in the cast than men.#(I mean. the answer is misogyny. but I want people to be. aware of that. and evaluate accordingly)#(evaluate meaning 'acknowledge I have some biases I need to continue deconstructing' not 'drop interest in everything tumblr#user musical-chick-13 personally doesn't like')#I feel like so many times we get trapped in this space between overcorrection via 'don't like ANYTHING that's pRoBLeMaTiC in ANY way'#and people taking the 'it's fiction it's not that deep' to the conclusion of 'because I cannot actually hurt fictional characters because#they're not real that means I am incapable of hurting irl people when they talk about those characters'#like there is. nuance here. there is a middle ground. and most people have NO interest in finding it lmao#and like...if you carry your biases from irl (which EVERYONE HAS. INCLUDING ME. COURTESY OF LIVING IN A PREJUDICED SOCIETY.) into a#direct and one-to-one evaluation of stories or characters that allow you to exercise those biased ideas. then that reinforces those biases#like. no hating...for example every anime lady isn't the same as structural misogyny like the pay gap or anti-women violence#but if you automatically associate the idea of 'female character' with 'lesser-than' it strengthens the already-present societal idea that#women are not as important or dynamic or worthy of support and attention as their male peers. if you are willing to see every (white)#fictional man as having interiority and depth but struggle to see that in any fictional woman then it adds to the things society is already#telling us about women. it creates an association of 'women' with 'inferiority' and uh. that's what misogyny is.#it is not the same as misogynistic crimes against irl women but it IS a reflection of the rhetoric and societal impulses that lead to them#and even if it's a reflection and not the actual thing. it's still important to break down and examine and reevaluate because#if we don't examine our OWN biases. then even if we tear down the greater oppressive structure we'll just end up building it back up again#no your thousands of words of m/m fanfiction or liking late 2000s shonen anime isn't responsible for misogyny nor are these things#inherently misogynistic. I just want like. some acknowledgement that something being 'for fun' doesn't automatically mean that bias/#prejudice is nowhere to be found
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outlying-hyppocrate · 9 months
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does anyone ever just casually have the most violently disgusting intrusive thoughts that make you absolutely sick to your stomach or (:
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sophism · 9 months
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ykw there comes a very beautiful time in a young woman’s life when she finally gets bored of being in her online echo chamber and becomes obsessed with living in the real world with real problems and surrounded by real people who help her find real solutions
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kyouka-supremacy · 9 months
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Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):
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But I liked the clean white background one...
#It's cute...#It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi#Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;;#Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking.#It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful#Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image.#And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know??#But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source”#Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality#And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20#And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public????#It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work#Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison#Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google#and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff)#But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option#But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens#and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea-#what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever#Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge#random rambles
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