#i dont know abt these disciplines as much as I'd like....

[kimmkitsuragi]

okay do i watch the ladies sp and men fp tonight it's literally 2am and 4am for me 😭

[angelsdean]

how is dean not the same as john. in the later seasons i mean. sorry but describing him as "not an angry man" is insane to me cause dean's number 1 of getting out his emotions is anger. i love dean as well but like. you know john tried to be better too right? like i dont really understand how you extend this huge hand to excuse some of dean's angry/bad tendencies (which imo makes him that mlre interesting: the fact that he is angry and he's sometimes not a particularly good person) but refuse to extend even a sliver of this to john? obviously i get that you're attached to dean way more than john thats like common sense for us deangirls but genuinely. cas died and dean did turn into his father. its a thing that happened. i love dean and i dont understand how you can call yourself a deanlover but... erase so much of him??? like you can say he has bad qualities. thats what makes him human. john and dean are much more similar than you claim and its genuinely confusing to me why you don't see that. not trying to start a fight or anything i genuinely would like to get a piece of your mind on this

no no no you misunderstand. i am not erasing ?? his anger. he IS angry (it's just that anger for dean is rarely actually anger). i also think his imperfections are what make him interesting. i talk abt this a lot actually. about how i don't believe in flatting ANY character to prop them up as your fave. people being messy and flawed is good. the problem i have is people who do not look at dean w/ any nuance and just point blank go: he's angry therefore he's abusive and equals john without examining WHY he's angry, where that anger originates from, the fact that his anger most often is Not true anger for the sake of anger or violence. instead, his anger most often stems from fear and grief. especially during widower's arc. he's drowning in grief and as much as we love jack and can see in hindsight that he wasn't a threat at all, dean doesn't know that! we as the audience get the privilege of often knowing and seeing more than the characters! all dean sees at the time is a Very powerful being, who IS the son of lucifer, and who he believes manipulated his best friend and got him killed. he does have every right to be afraid and wary of jack. (and i'd argue he has the right to feel this way again with soulless jack, he IS afraid of him and what he might do and he's also grieving mary and that mixture of grief + fear is where his anger-but-not-really-anger comes from). like, because of the way dean was raised, because of growing up with the angry man that is john, the only emotion that was really expressed and "allowed" was anger. anger was justified. crying and sadness and fear, that's weakness in john winchester's household. but anger was powerful and masculine and good.

i also DO look at john with nuance as well. i've talked about how i don't like when people reduce john to a flat caricature or cartoon villain abuser. there's more going on, there's nuance, their dynamic is so complicated. john is Also, at first, drowning in his own grief. i think early on, john DID try, and was mostly motivated by a desire to protect his family, but he went about it wrong and imperfectly. however, where they diverge, is that john continued to let his anger consume him for the sake of revenge. he neglected his children, he put them in danger through his repeated neglect, and he did (based on various pointed insinuations) at one point or another physically abuse them, most likely dean specifically (the line abt flagstaff, also less "canon" but in the john's journal book john mentions how dean was particularly responsive to "discipline" and that john feels he's been too soft on sam)

the thing is, being angry doesn't make you a bad person. being angry is human. dean's anger imo, and the way we see it manifest--most often when what he really wants to express is grief and fear--is indicative of his internalized behaviors learned from john and past trauma that remains unresolved. this man has never had a chance to COPE or unpack not only the abusive and controlling environment he grew up in, but all the subsequent years of trauma INCLUDING his hell trauma. that's a lot. all those bottled up feelings are gonna turn into a lot of anger and frustration. he doesn't suffer perfectly. like you said, and which i agree, he is not perfect. he's flawed. he's human. but i don't think being angry and suffering imperfectly makes him a bad person. i feel too much empathy and compassion for him. i can see struggling and i want someone to help him. sometimes when people are in pain they'll say or do things they don't mean. and yes, they may hurt people in the process and those people are allowed to feel upset, but dean is also hurting. and i don't think he's a horrible person for not suffering the "right" way or not being a "good victim." and that's how i view widower's arc, as someone who is deeply hurting and suffering. it's not excusing his behavior but it's not villainizing it either. john gets similar feelings from me too, to a point. but john took things further and actively abused and neglected his young children and raised them to be soldiers and made them put aside their dreams and desires in the name of HIS revenge quest. he raised his children to live in fear and used fear and violence to control them. however, despite the fact that *i* don't particularly like john winchester, i know that his dynamic w/ his sons is nuanced and i know that dean both Loves and Hates him and that both those feelings can and do co-exist and i enjoy that duality.

dean's complicated emotions during times of intense grief and stress (widower's arc, losing mary, finding out chuck was controlling his whole life) are isolated moments but do not speak for his whole self. outside these high stress situations, where what he's really feeling is fear / grief / worry, we usually see dean to be very compassionate and patient and good with children.

this is getting very long now and i don't know if you'll take the time to read all of it but i'd like to conclude with saying my main issue with the "angry man in the house" phrase is the way it is used out of context to paint dean as becoming john and taking the place of the angry man in the house, when the original context of the quote is about being haunted by the angry man you grew up with, not becoming him. i talk more in-depth about all of that in this post.

also, just as an aside but, i generally have two "modes" of operating on this blog. one is fangirl mode where yea, dean is my blorbo specialest princess who can do no wrong<3 and then there's the other mode where i'm doing formal analysis of canon where it's more abt dissecting things and talking meta and looking at WHY characters are acting how they are. that's when i talk abt their flaws and motivations and nuance and context. also, people are often needlessly harsh or over-exaggerate things dean said or did in canon just to villainize him and in those instances yes i will go to bat for dean and "defend" him, usually by just, pointing out the nuances and additional context for his actions that many choose to overlook or misinterpret just to make dean seem worse than he actually was.

[isawken]

i found out about the slap stick from reading about commedia del'arte which i would recommend bc its a total brain blast. its kind of like... idk if youve experienced this but for me reading about vaudeville contextualizes all of hollywood as an industry in a really eye-opening way bc you see this whole lineage. and thats just one example for one industry, many such cases obvs. but like commedia del'arte is like legitimately the grandaddy of All Of It, its like THE fount from which all these different entertainment disciplines can trace their roots. its wild. did you know the term "pleased as punch" is more accurately transcribed as "pleased as Punch" bc Punch is a character from a folk-traditional archetypical british puppet show? which itself has its origins in you guessed it commedia del'arte. theres hundreds of tidbits like this one could cite. dont even get me started on the harlequin

YES reading abt the commedia was exactly how i came across this! (well kinda, i'm reading a bio of first ever clown joseph grimaldi and the author was describing one of the bits he was doing and it featured said stick) and it really is crazy how much of what we know today goes back to it! it's like a cultural entertainment funnel lmao. i've read a fair bit about the commedia and that's why it's wild to me i'd never come across the stick- the sources i'd been able to get my hands on were all like, hoity toity academic literature that very rarely delved into what the performances actually looked like. it was all about the cultural context of the plays and its characters, which is great! but i was shocked how hard it was to find anything telling me what the dang shows would actually look like, and now i'm just thinking of what other juicy deets i've missed out on. i've also had trouble finding literature abt Punch and Judy shows so i don't know much about them other than a vague awareness of the ties to the commedia, i love that that's where pleased as punch comes from! also please do get started on the harlequin i'm all fucking about the harlequin lay it on me baby

[beannary]

hey abt your tags on the DID survey

I would say we were a little thrown off by them? The tone just came across as talking about systems like theyre some weird misunderstood creature that needs to be experimented on, and not you know, people with thoughts and feelings.

Being interested and having an open mind is good! I'm not saying it isn't, and I know this probably comes off as being very policing

Its just important to be careful how you talk about other people, especially when we have a history of being the "other"

We're genuinely not mad because I'm pretty sure this came from a super good place, I just thought I'd let you know!

Thank you!!

Thank you for sending me this! I did not consider how the tone of my comments could come across but I also think you are misunderstanding what an anthropology study would be but also

1. that is super understandable because anthropology is not super well understood by non anthropologists

2. anthropology has such a bad history when it comes to studying marginalized communities

3. i am so entrenched in the anthropology community so i definitely did not consider how what i said would come across to people who dont have the same set of knowledge that i do and

4.i did not like proofread my comments so i totally get that i may have written my thoughts in a way that was othering which I really didn't intend! so I am sorry for that

im including like a bunch of information about my like thought process and like a further explanation of what i mean under the cut my thoughts just ended up getting super long so i didnt want to like clog up peoples dashes

TLDR: I totally understand how the term anthropology study comes across as othering and seems as if i am reducing people with DID to some sort of oddity that needs to be studied, and I am sorry for that, I should have considered how it would be understood. What an actual anthropology study would entail (or at least a good anthropology study) is just asking people with DID questions about their lives and whatever other topics they want to talk about with the end goal of giving the people who were apart of the research as much control and say over the research questions and study itself if that makes sense.

when i say anthropology study i mean that in the sense that anthropology is the study of communities and culture. anthropology has been used in the past as a tool to oppress people of color, women, people with mental illnesses, and pretty much every other community that is not straight and white and male, but that is slowly but surely changing!

I'm currently doing a masters degree in anthropology so I have read a lot of academic anthropology literature and I have read studies on people with mental illnesses and psychiatric disorders but I haven't read anything about people with DID and so i think that is an area of research that could be expanded on

when i say it would be interesting to do an anthropology study on people with DID what I sort of have in mind is basically it would just consist of asking people with DID questions about literally whatever. anthropology is meant to be a study that at the end of the day helps the study group in whatever way they want or need, it isn't (or at least it shouldn't) be entirely motivated for academic achievements if that makes sense

if I were to do a hypothetical anthropology study on people with DID my first step to begin that research would be to reach out to people who have DID and 1. ask if they want me to do a study at all (if they don't then there's no point in me pushing for it because the end goal of my study should be to help them in whatever way they want), 2. explain to them the ways anthropology could help them if they want a study to be done at all and figure out if what they want is compatible with the discipline of anthropology

just thinking of some like research topics off the top of my head (and mind you this is just me spitballing without going through the actual research process which would be much more intensive and would involve me you know actually talking with people with DID to figure out what they want specifically so this actual research question would not be applied in an actual study but im just giving you this as a rough example of what I mean) but a research question could be how are people with DID living in the modern 21st century world? I would then ask them questions about how they live their life, what they feel about the way they live their lives, what struggles they face, what would make life easier for them, and essentially literally whatever else they want to talk about.

I literally cannot stress enough how whatever research I would hypothetically do would be entirely up to the people I'm interviewing they would literally be entirely in control of the entire thing. And also any hypothetical research would only be conducted if people with DID wanted me to, it would be entirely dependent on their wants and needs, my job as the anthropologist would just be to document what they are saying and helping them navigate the world of academia to help them achieve whatever goals they want

If you do end up reading all of this I hope this was all understandable and straightforward! If it isn't then that's on me and I will rewrite it to be easier to understand. But I really do hope this makes sense and if you have any more questions for me or really anything else to say to me about things I could have said better or with more consideration my ask box is always open and also im pretty sure my dms are open too so you can always message me there!

[milkbreadtoast]

I don’t know if you’ve played ovenbreak as well so for now I’d love to hear your thoughts on Financier and Caramel Arrow Cookie….. they both seem incredibly loyal but with very different personalities

hi ty for the ask!! someone already asked abt them and unfortunately i dont really have any detailed thoughts/strong opinions bc i hadnt considered them before... tbh i'd like to hear ur(/u guys') thoughts abt them! u prob have more thoughts than me, what do u like abt them/why makes their dynamic interesting to u? ^^

let me think abt it tho...🤔i do think theyre compatible! ur right in that they r similar yet r v diff... They're both incredibly loyal, they have serious and earnest/honest/upright and humble personalities... I think one major diff tho is that CA is much more assertive, as she's the leader of the watchers, and is the one who makes decisions and gives orders during battle; whereas financier is a knight and usually takes orders, and she's more passive and non-confrontational. I think they're both v strong and capable, but in terms of actual battle experience I think it can be safely assumed that CA has (much) more... we know for a fact that she has seen many battles firsthand + even witnessed many comrades falling in battle...Whereas the Republic is known as a "peaceful"(/peacetime?) country (as in not having seen war w other countries), to the extent that their knight commander, Madeleine, had 0 prior (real)battle experience before being promoted and leaving w Espresso LMAO.. We also know that Financier is a recent graduate of the Paladin academy(making her younger than Madeleine), so it can be safely assumed that she, while rigorously trained and having fought many duels, hasn't had the same "battle" experience as CA.

I think another difference personality-wise is CA seems likely to be a bit more laid back and personable and more expressive(which u can see in her sprites)... We know that altho she is a hardworking, earnest, and highly disciplined leader, she's also very kind and warm-hearted, adored by all her fellow soldiers, who r fiercely loyal to her not out of fear but out of trust and love, sharing her own rations with hungry villagers, v quick to protect and defend other cookies... I think Financier cookie is also kind hearted and earnest, but her outside demeanor def seems more "cool and collected", more of a rigid/uptight honor student vibe... CA seems more warm/friendly/more of a people person(cookie) than Financier lol, like she'd be more likely to make small talk, crack light jokes, smile more, etc... Financier is def one of those charas whose slight smile is a rare sight 🫢(and her laugh even rarer...), doesn't talk much unless needed, doesnt joke around, etc djfjsn it's fun to compare/contrast her to Madeleine, because they're both paladins but their personalities could not be more diff... they're foils to each other in a way (it was rly fun to see this addressed in the story too lmaoo their interactions are so funny😭)

ANYWAY I def think if they got an opportunity to interact in canon, theyd get along rly well and would prob become good friends... and given crunchy is canonically friendly w financier(despite being so diff), I def think caramel would get along w her too!! Although they come from v diff cultures, they have similar values and I could see them clicking well and enjoying each others company~

[salaciousslut]

A lot of my playlists are very long and jumbled lil messes. Lemme make a proper playlist and when i stop being so shy, i'll send you a link to it? ☺️

I just think you'd sound cute drunk, plus i think ive just wanted to drink these past few days and maybe i wanna get drunk with you. I become a bit bolder when im drunk. But i bet you'd look so cute looking at me after i call you puppy<3 im not someone who thinks brats should be disciplined either, i feel like subs get bratty cause they either want more love and attention or they wanna be roughed up a bit, sometimes its both<3 and you are a good puppy<3 so good<33🥰

You better be crying when you need to! No need to bottle up feelings when its better to express them ☺️ and i got you on the log accountability for sure ❤️

!! Youre in two campaigns??! Thats so fucking cool!! I'd love to play d&d with you, I had a discord campaign like two years ago and my old friends went crazy over the fact that i would change my voice to be in character 🤭 but i like to practice the range in my voice d&d and monster prom came in real good for that back in the day hehe ☺️ youre too cute omg<3 i wish i could smell your perfume!! That sounds like it smells nice :0 do you have a favorite perfume?? ALSO YUZU IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CANDLE SCENTS!! Im literally crazy abt candles i know the proper way to care for them and it feels a little silly how much i care about candles but i just love them. I care enough to also always check the candles that the ppl in my life have to see if theyre essential oil based bc fuck paraffin based candles they are not the best for ppl or animals :( and i get you on fruity and clean smells!! Im also just insane and i used to play with fire for fun so i love burning wood smell!

Green was my fav color growing up!! I hated DHMIS bc of the "green is not a creative color" bullshit. Its still pretty up there but royal purple is my color, not even just ok favorites. Royal purple is low key a lucky/spiritual color for me. Sleepy girl who likes walks and cuddles<3 lemme come over to cuddle! Also how tall are you? 🫣 you dont gotta say if you dont wanna, im 5'7" (short king i guess lmao)

omg yes!! ill make one for you too!! i love sharing music! i just take a bit of time listening to new music bc i have to be in the right mood!! but i love music

i wanna get drunk sooooo bad!! im going out momday after my exam and now i wont stop thinking of u with me!! i love bold and i become bold too!! and very giggly and very fun!! and im not super bratty, i just like attention!! so it all works out for me 🥰

im working on being better at expressing my emotions actually!! i always bottle it in but im trying my best!!

yes i love dnd!! i have one online campaign that i play with friends from tumblr and then one in person campaign with people from school!! and you change ur voice omg i have to hear it!!!

yes i loveee my lil dolce and gabana light blue! i have a dupe for it sooo its really nice and affordable!! that or under the lemon by replica! smells like yummy lemons!!

i love candles too!! i try to tale care of my candles but sometimes i get a lil lazyyyyy but i know i should be better. see i love playing with wax! i loved dipping my finger in wax and playing with the candle so i feel u

i but u look amazing in royal purple too!! im 5'5! but i love my short kings hehe!! ur perfect height!!! 😘