#i dont know why i believe that. it's probably about integrity again

[ilynpilled]

also, in her converation with Ned, cersei outright TELLS him that Jaime would kill Robert if he knew how Robert abused her (fuck robert i hope he's rotting). and Robert knew it too which is why all his bruises were generally weren't on her face where people, specifically including Jaime, could see.

This is her exact quote: "Jaime would have killed him (Robert), even if it meant his own life"

that's probably one of the reasons why she doesn't tell him. she was in an awful, awful situation and it reflects the situation of so many other abuse victims across the world. it's not fair that she should have to keep this from her own family and worry about what her brother would do, but if he DIDN'T do anything...what kind of a person would he be? just look at Aemon the Dragonknight as a prime example

regarding this post: link

yeah thats the quote they refused to take at face value when almost everything about his characterization indicates that it would be the case.

i think when it comes to the discussions of much of this the dissonance comes from not confronting that this society refuses to acknowledge marital rape as rape. i do not have the quote at hand (@/georgescitadel might have it) but george himself has expressed that marital rape as a concept doesnt exist in medieval society. that is why it makes sense that while jaime is aware that robert “claimed his rights”, he does not recklessly murder him for it in rage unless cersei gives the word (again, we already know he is ready to do it after he sees that robert is disrespecting her by cheating on her and proceeds to ask her if she wants him dead for it. but like you pointed out, cersei understands that if he saw evidence of physical abuse he likely would not ask for permission and potentially get himself killed.) this is because arranged marriages are treated as a norm in which conjugal rape and a man claiming his rights is not really acknowledged or understood (more like confronted tbh) as rape. this is an integral aspect of the patriarchal domination thats present in westerosi society, its woven into its very fabric. women are placed into a role of subordination, again, it is robert’s “right.” and jaime too is unable to conceptualize it as sexual abuse on the level of rape. hence we get quotes like this:

like we know and understand that cersei was repeatedly raped by robert. we know she didnt make anyone kill her. we know what jaime is saying and thinking here is inconsistent and makes little sense if he believes that she was raped.

that other passage suggests that jaime does not fully grasp or know this. and in general society doesn’t for the most part, including most of the victims themselves. “claiming his rights” is not referred to as rape. robert also knows that what he is doing is wrong, especially the part where he is hurting her (theres also the layer of the code of chivalry being completely contradicted), but he refuses to confront it in multiple ways, and i dont think even he fully acknowledges it as rape either even though i refuse to believe that he is not aware of it. cersei’s right to label him a coward. same with ned in that very conversation, he even sees and knows that robert physically hit her, heard her say that she can scarcely bear him touching her, and yet he asks: “a thousand other women might have loved him with all their hearts. what did he do to make you hate him so?”, and cersei also doesn’t give the answer: “he repeatedly raped me.” jaime understands rape as terrible, he shows concern towards brienne, and risks personal harm (and gets it too since he is kicked unconscious because of it) saving her from it, and it is an act driven by empathy, and he even ironically acknowledges that rape can leave someone broken in a way that does not show on the outside. he executes pia’s rapist too, sets a precedent among his father’s men, and recognizes that she’s “scarred” where it does not show: “That’s all she is, a little girl in a woman’s body, scarred and scared.”

and re the present: while i have a sympathy for jaime in the sense that the betrayal that he was confronted with shatters the delusion that he made immense sacrifices for and defined most of his life atp, and the fact that it makes him feel that he was not actually loved by her as well as recontextualizing his most horrible decisions, he should be showing more consideration and empathy (and i am not saying that he is obligated to die for her either. he isnt) and put in the effort to actually place himself in cersei’s shoes and navigate these blindspots that he has (he has the capacity to, again: “they will leave her a cripple too, but inside, where it does not show”). right now, he is extremely bitter, violently even, and can be selfish and misogynistic as hell about it, and i obviously believe that that is something that has to be recognized by readers for what it is.

but still, regarding the rest, i also think ppl dont acknowledge that because of how medieval society operates there is a very skewed perspective and understanding of certain things and how that affects characters. even with rhaella, jaime is disturbed by the physical abuse:

like he doesnt use the word rape like he does with brienne and the bloody mummers, but he obviously hears and sees that the abuse thats happening to rhaella is horrid and hurts her, and feels a need/obligation to protect her. this is why it is not inconsistent at all that jaime would recklessly murder robert without “permission” even if it meant his own life if he saw evidence of physical abuse, but does not do the same for the marital rape/him claiming his rights. in this society it is not viewed as a violation of rights because women do not really have these rights in these circumstances. their purpose is to marry and bear children. rape is mostly understood and recognized as “low born criminals violently raping women”, “knights and soldiers violently raping women when their blood is up” etc, not “nobles in marriages raping their wives when they claim their rights”, or “coerced rape occurring every time nobles use brothels” etc.

and, as you may have noticed, there’s a strong “you’re hurting me” motif with all of this, because no matter what westerosi society normalizes to maintain patriarchal hegemony, it is obviously all an utter violation of human rights that deals immense harm and trauma to women.

[woncherie]

Thank you for replying about the rules!

Then I would like to make request for the blue lock boys : bachira, chigiri and kunigami, please!

May I request how the boys would try to confess to a painfully oblivious, yet affectionate crush please? Like they enjoy hugging the boys and all, but everything flies over their head.

Thank you for your time!!!

HELLO!! ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖) I'm sorry for it to take to long, I was drowning in uni work. I wanna apologize for this mess that I produced. this kinda got longer than expected so I left out chigiri,, I'm so sorry grr

genre: fluff

Reader: Gender Neutral (if I did any mistakes please tell me!!)

☆☆☆☆

confessing to oblivious reader:

Bachira:

You always appreciated Bachiras easy and ongoing character, not taking everything that you say to him seriously. you two could just sit around for hours and hours without getting bored, just laughing and joking around together.

His love language is physical touch. He loves having his arm around you, being close to you, his hands on your shoulders, just touching you in any way. he also speaks his mind, not thinking twice before dramatically confessing to you every few days, jumping on your back and hugging you while laughing.

When you began your (now very close) friendship to him, you were confused by his behaviour, but after a few weeks you got used to him and his way of acting. you dont even take these words serious anymore, even though it seriously hurts you. you'd love to hear them come from his mouth and meaning them. (at least you believe he doesnt mean it.)

Some of your other friends might even ask you two if you were dating. You shook your head, Bachira nodded.

"Huh?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What what?"

You looked at him with wide eyes, wondering why he just nodded. It wasn't unusual for the both of you to get asked this question, but usually both of you would dismiss it with a quick hand or headshake.

You loved Bachira, and you loved the close friendship you two had, but at this point it was getting more than frustrating. it feels like he knows about your feelings and is just playing with them.

"Why would you say that?" You bit the insides of your cheeks, trying to ignore the pain in your chest once again. you couldn't do this anymore, it just hurt. You didnt want to tear up in front of him, but you just needed to tell him about his behaviour just breaking you.

"(Y/N), I told you about how I felt about you around five hundred times already." you heard bachira speak up defeated and discouraged, his normal joking behaviour being gone. instead, a serious looking boy stood in front of you, looking deep into your eyes, taking your hand slowly and gently. "But all you do is laugh and change the topic. I can't stand this anymore. are you doing this on purpose?", he let out rather frustrated.

"... HUH????"

☆

Kunigami:

Kunigami is literally just a big ass fluffball. He is nice and patient to everyone and anyone as long as they are the same to him.

This is probably why you never realised the special feelings he had about you. yes, he is nice and helpful and gentle, integrating and patient, but with you his behaviour goes up another level. he's constantly looking out for you, making sure you eat properly and stay hydrated, he's even walking you home every day with the excuse that his home is in the same direction anyway, acting unbothered and cool when in reality he should've turned to the right halfway through the way home. (but you don't know. he doesnt let you find out.)

he's inviting you over to him every other day, meeting up and probably playing football with you. it doesnt matter to him that you aren't a good as he is, he would even gladly teach you, as long as it means to spend more time with you.

in order for you to realise he really thinks you are more special to him as the other people in his class, he would probably take you to a nice scenery to confess his feelings. which means him forcing you to spend time with him again, not that you would mind though.

you noticed him being more silently and into his head the whole day in school. after school was over you head to his desk, trying to find out if everything is alright.

"Hey, do you need to go home right now?" he asked you, looking up from his desk and right into your eyes, making you feel a bit shy under his glance.

"No. Is there anything you wanna do?" you answered him. He stood up from his chair, throwing his bag around his shoulder. "Lets go for a walk."

You both walked around the city, hands brushing up against one anothers every few minutes. you could feel him trying to hold at least a few fingers of yours, but kunigami always shyed away right afterwards. you didnt say anything, just hoping for him to just take your hand.

The second you two stood at the bottom of a small mountain you started complaining a bit. "What the fuck, do we really need to go up there?"

"Just shut up and follow me" he said with a grin on his face, stretching his hand out for you to finally take.

you placed your hand in his and he grips it tightly, starting to lead you up the mountain. his hand spread warmth through your body and you could feel your heart racing a bit. stop feeling this way, he is just being nice, he's like this to everyone, you tried to downplay your feelings.

once you arrived at the top it was already late in the afternoon and the sun started to set. you both threw yourself onto the ground, looking up into the sky, talking and watching the sky turn from blue to yellow to orange to black, stars beginning to shine brightly all over it.

you did admit that the scenery was amazing from up here, but you didnt say it out loud. you just know kunigami would grin and say I told you so after you complained the whole way up.

instead, you turned your head to him and looked at him, surprised that his eyes were already on you. (they were from the very beginning, you just didnt notice.)

his hand came up close to your face and he put a few strands of your hair away that fell over your forehead. you couldn't help but turn red at his small gesture.

he opened his mouth, wanting to say something before changing his mind and closing it again.

"is everything alright?" you asked him.

"(Y/N). fuck. I really like you."

☆☆☆

Here is an insurmountable amount of garbage. It disgusts me as well. I apologize in advance.

[hajihiko]

listen idk how to tell you this, and please do not take the tone of this ask to be aggressive, but you have got to start questioning yourself a little more. why are all your least favorite characters the most visibly mentally ill? why are you comfortable saying a character will need several years of therapy before they are able to have friendships? i know youre going to reply to this saying like, oh, i hc other characters as mentally ill, or oh, i'm mentally ill myself - i can't possibly be ableist! and then all your followers will be like yeah ur fine we love you, but im begging you. its okay to dislike characters, but its such an obvious pattern that the ones who have visible, uncomfortable mental health problems that make them unpleasant are, mysteriously, the ones you have the least sympathy for. i do not care whether you consider yourself ableist, whether you headcanon more pleasant characters as mentally ill, whether youre mentally ill yourself - you are posting ableist things. someone doesnt need to be cured or fixed before they should be allowed to have meaningful relationships

Okay, I've read this message over a few times and have it under consideration (? I think that's the phrase).

I do think you got some information wrong, I could be mistaken but after looking through my own posts I think you might've misread something. What I *have* said (before I watched the OVA) is that I dont think Hajime and Nagito should specifically date *each other* until they get therapy / work through their problems (although I do think that, thematically, they make sense as eventual love interests). Again, hadn't watched the OVA, so I was basing it on their interactions in game only, the OVA sort of changes directions from how the game left off.

Never said anything about anyone not having meaningful relationships until they get therapy, and have actually said that a good social net (meaningful relationships, friendly or romantic) are integral to healing from traumatic events. Not saying I haven't given off a bad impression maybe or implied something, if so do tell me because it was probably not intentional and might've slipped by me, but I'm speaking from a factual search of my blog. Not something I have ever said, as far as I can see, and not something I believe anyhow.

I actually mention pretty frequently that I think Nagito (I assume this is mostly about him) is an interesting character that I like, but find complex. My least favourite characters are Hiyoko, Mahiru and Teru (sorry fans of those! I dont mean anything by it it's literally just the vibes) that's why I don't really draw them. The OVA endeared Nagito to me, which is why I've been drawing him on a friendship journey lately, so if you're assuming I don't like him that's more incorrect now than ever.

By all means if you wanna talk about this more openly in chat, I'm down (though my timezone tends to clash). I feel you've put some words in my mouth.

[philtstone]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you so much to the lovely @tllgrrl for tagging me! without further ado ...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

as of this one, 197! i have been on these fanfic streets for roughly ten years, it all tends to accumulate

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,056,672 ..... do with that what u will

3. What fandoms do you write for?

yall, this is a prolonged list. i dont think theres been a source material ive written for once that i dont randomly write for again every so often. i have 1-2 big phases per year, usually. just go look at my ao3 dashboard sdlkfjldskf

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

to the surprise of absolutely no one, all five are from the age old skywalker happy trash family au. thanks for being so consistent star wars fandom, ur all real ones <3 but also my writing has improved so much since then that occasionally the hingeless urge to go back and re-write every fic in that verse is real

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try my best to! every so often life gets in the way, but especially in the last few years, i really try to engage with comments as much as i can. ive also been lucky enough to write in pretty small fandoms for the last couple years (ironically, given ive been in my second m*rvel era) so replying to comments has been a lot more intimate and friendly anyway

6. What is a fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i was going to say "i dont know" because for the most part -- and especially my more recent fics -- everything ends up pretty consistently bittersweet. then i remembered vintage phil: "we want to live by each other's happiness", or the b99 captain america au

7. What’s a fic you've written with the happiest ending?

i tend to very consistently write things with shades of happy and sad. that said, some of my favourite purely "happy ending" fics include:

"easy, easy (my man and me)"

"i found a dream"

"hark the bluebells"

"i believe in you and in our hearts"

8. Do you get hate on fics?

eh, not really. i dont generally write chapter fic with controversial enough plot points and the unresolved nature of updating chapters to generate true "hate". i have gotten some really bizarre comments where one has to wonder what was going through the commenter's head when typing it all out, but most of those are not things that stick.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

not me feeling emotional abt my ao3 tenure .... 15 yr old me would have such a different answer ...

i write often and (i hope) as authentically as possible about lived-in romantic relationships, and as ive gotten older it has felt more and more organic to include scenes in and around sexual intimacy where appropriate. i dont think most people would classify that as "smut", though.

10. Do you write crossovers?

if i am writing an au, it is a true au, with the single and sole exception of the force sensitive claire au, which is, on a technicality, a crossover

it also is, on much less of a technicality, unfinished ...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of and i certainly hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my memory

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

the closest ive ever come to this was, actually, writing the b99 cap au with maya Back In The Day. our tumblr messages used to just be draft upon draft of scenes evolving in real time. but never formally. friends are an integral part of the fic writing process tho

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

the world should know i am an anne-gil truther. blueprint if there ever was one

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

sadly, probably "happiness, like those palaces in fairy tales"; my beloved small time constance-centered parks-flavoured musketeers au .... my writing style has just changed so much since, and it was such a huge undertaking. i still have half of the unpublished anne/aramis flashback chapter saved in my google docs though.

16. What are your writing strengths.

ive been told im good at prose! and writing from childrens' pov, which i am fond of doing, though in a tragic turn of events i havent done much of it recently

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

as i see it, sometimes i dont know when less is needed for a fic to be more. often, this comes from a lack of clarity on my end re: what the fic is trying to be -- OR when im trying to write about something i dont really know. at the end of the day, though, this problem recurs because fanfic is supposed to be fun, so something being a bit too messy and a bit too long is not a huge deal to me. hopefully its also not a huge deal to my readers!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic.

u can pry doing this from my cold dead hands. & are also always free to criticize my phrasing and translations, lol, except for that one time i made bucky barnes speak farsi, which is a language i actually know

19. First fandom you wrote for?

star trek aos, baybeeeee

20. Favorite fic you’ve written.

IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION. i love many of my children equally!

here are some all-timers from those fics which i have not mentioned yet:

hopeful./summertime

and there's a keepsake my mother gave me

then she'll be a true love of mine

just to hear the nightbird singin'

my daddy was a prominent frogman

**

thank u so much for the tag my friend! i had heaps of fun. tagging @firstelevens, @sesamestreep, @sennenrose and @flyinghome-againstthewind as well as anyone else interested!

[lindalofbroome]

23 - Intricate

The chest was heavy, and [Rowan] could feel rich carving beneath his fingers as he dragged it into the open. He supposed it contained more blankets, or perhaps bukshah skin rugs. Lann lowered her lantern. Soft light glowed on the chest's lid, illuminating a carved pattern of birds, beasts and flowers. 'Why, it is beautiful!' Rowan exclaimed. [...] 'It is fitting that you admire it, for it was made for me by Morgan, your father's father, as a wedding gift,' [Lann] said. ROWAN OF RIN Rowan of the Bukshah Ch 9 The Carved Chest

sad violin hours for joel and morgan ;-; </3

thinking about morgan and joel spending many nights on this chest to give lann and joel making such a beautiful design inspired by the wonder of the world around him and he probably was so kind and probably loved lann because his big brother did even though she was so indifferent to him. and he was giving this gift his all and bonding with his brother and hoping to bond with lann maybe. and morgan probably spent a long time carving the design with love and care

and truly mind-boggling that it seems like lann did no self-reflection after joel died and their engagement broke off, especially with rowan. but also im sure it's complicated like maybe she did but she really really struggled perhaps. but she was never like the unexpected kind village elder, she was always pretty stern and crotchety. actually sidenote but that wouldve been pretty interesting to see rowan getting defended by lann sometimes and he has no idea why; but pretty sure rowan of rin series is less planned than the others because it was first but i dont know for sure. like it circles back in the end but i doubt she had it in mind when she wrote the first book imo. anyway just saying i can be forgiving on rowan and lann's early relationship.

anyway what a lot of anguish oh my god and like morgan loved them both so much and lann was jealous of his loyalty to his little brother, instead of like. admiring and appreciating morgan's kindness and loyalty. lann, he was loving and loyal to you too, he tried so hard. and when joel died, not only was morgan suffering intense grief for his brother's early end, but he cant not know that it was motivated by the village's (and lann's specifically) distaste and hatred for difference and perceived weakness and his whole world was upside down like how do you go on knowing the person you love doesnt love an integral part of your life, that the people you've known since childhood and their own children could be so cruel, that you have to go home to an empty home. and it seems like maybe he was willing to persist with his relationship with lann since it was she who opted to break the engagement out of pity/kindness damn. like it must have taken him a looooooooooooooooooooong time to recover, if he did at all. i want to believe he got to be happy again til his dying day ;-;

[viktoriakomova]

I saw your tag about true crime fans on Reddit and I just wanted to know if you have any #thoughts about the Bryan Johberger case? Personally I’m not convinced of his guilt or innocence either way but it is disturbing how redditors demonize the defense team for doing their job and want to just send him to the firing squad asap (sorry this is non gymnastics related feel free to ignore lmao)

oh girl im so glad u asked me this lmfao

i think hes most likely guilty but it really disturbs me how the peanut gallery thinks throwing constitutional rights to the wind is fine just because theyre really emotionally attached to the case

ive gotten in several Fights in the comments with people on that case's subreddit to the point where i just lurk and downvote and dont engage anymore 🤡 like people are really sincerely convinced that they have a 0% chance of being accused of a crime they didn't commit and the State would never come down on them with all its might for unjustified reasons. lmao and lol.

like people suggesting that him waiving his right to a speedy trial is "retraumatizing" the victims' families because it will be dragged out longer and he CLEARLY did it so he's doing all this on purpose because he LOVES THE ATTENTION (that comes hand in hand with him literally staying in jail in the meantime but nope he just loves media scrutiny he's an attention whore!). meanwhile his lawyers NOT doing that, given all the evidence they have to plow through and the fact that its a CAPITAL MURDER CASE, would be a goddamn cupcake of an ineffective assistance appeal. but they dont know that because they learned everything they know about the legal system from law and order svu, and they dont understand that if this trial is bungled he'll walk away scot free! and they probably think double jeopardy is a moral outrage too lmao

and then there was a whole Thing about the issue of whether the trial would be broadcasted/streamed, and/or whether video recordings would be allowed. and people were like "transparency !!!! free press!!!!!" girl please be serious this isnt about free press (there are press passes for all major trials like this, btw) and you know it, this is about YOU consuming it as entertainment, integrity of the criminal justice system be damned.

same goes for stuff i saw from people during the kristin smart trial. like its literally written in black and white in the fifth amendment to the constitution that you have a right not to testify against yourself and people on twitter were still like "WHY CANT THEY FORCE HIM TO TAKE THE STAND!" and then once he was sentenced to "25 years to life" people were like "THATS WAY TOO LENIENT" bruh firstly thats the legal maximum and secondly he's realistically never seeing the light of day ever again lmao. if you dont understand what things mean just dont say anything!

the intersection of bloodthirst and self righteousness is crazy lmao. it dovetails quite nicely with gymtwt and the gymnastics subreddit in fact, like a lot of the rhetoric during the nassar sentencing (he literally did not have a trial i cannot stress that enough, he pleaded guilty) was deeply disturbing to me even though i also obviously believe he's terrible and should spend the rest of his life behind bars.

[rememerance]

Complete meaninglessness makes no sense therefore expresses meaninglessness in an ineffective way. Meaninglessness aways needs chains of meaning to glue it up so that it shall be seen, even tho it is no longer pure. Pure meaninglessness unfortunately cannot be experienced, as the humans are limited to experience through constructing meaning which is instantly destructive to any pure meaninglessness presented (to be argued). Yet if you glue meaningfulness altogether in a meaningless way, pure meaninglessness can be presented, yet it simply can't be experienced purely, as meaninglessness can only be experienced purely through a state of meaninglessness (to be argued). But it's not true, as the act of trying to comprehend pure meaninglessness through the eyes of meaningfulness is no matter what meaningless. So can any attempts out of meaning ever really do any harm to pure meaninglessness? Is there any meaninglessness more or less pure than the other? Can pure meaninglessness not be experienced purely? Probably experiencing meaninglessness with the attempt of figuring it out, of comprehending it is the best way of experiencing it, as it adds more meaninglessness. So is experiencing meaninglessness through meaninglessness then more meaningless? They seem to me very equal, simply two different experiences. The former is like a smoker trying to smoke a bench and fails, and then realises that it is surely a bench that cannot be smoked no matter what; the latter is a smoker knowing that they can't smoke a bench as they came to appreciate the bench not to smoke it, so they just appreciate the bench as it is, which is their goal, which then is perfectly fulfilled and sątisfied through their attempt of no attempt. Both are satisfied as long as they both understand they are not here to smoke anything.

Now talking about smoking, why is it so necessary to use the verb "smoking" in front of "cigarette", as it sounds almost like emphasising it unnecessarily as what else can a person be doing with a cigarette in their mouth smoking? The word smoking is literally absolutely excessive and therefore meaningless, so instead of saying "They are smoking a cigarette" why not just say, "they are doing a cigarette", which makes more sense and saves some meaning. However meaning does not need to be saved as it is not limited. But since we live in a physical world where every traditional resource is limited therefore I developed this habit of saving. Yet again, trying to substitute words like "smoking" with "doing" in front of words like"cigarette", rather than saying that it is for saving something, it is actually cutting off some excessive unnecessary meaning.

Yet it is very intresting to notice, that when squeezing more than necessary meanings together you dont get more meaning, instead you get meaninglessness, just like "smoking a cigratte". Yet next time when I need to say "smoking a cigratte" I will still say “smoking a cigratte" instead of "doing", because I am afraid of being called a werido. But if you are not afraid, I do highly encourage you to do so, as that demonstrates your integrity and courage of cutting off shit, which is actually very important. At this point if you wonder, I do have realized that you could say "doing a cigratte" without being called a werido, which however, is less formal than "smoking a cigarette", which is super funny. How is excessive meanings squeezed together resulting meaninglessness more formal than the opposite? Which I figure is because they believe it is more clear, which I can't disagree more for obvious reasons.

[sphericalbee]

bro if either of my irls see this i will look crazy pahtetic idk maybe ill delete iti should probably just leaves this ini the drafts

im pretty pathetic irl anyway i think lol wo who carse

im thinking ab my middle school best friend and i miss her so much it isnt even funny

idk if i was her best friend but i always loved her so much and i think about her almost every day even 2 years later

ik she wasnt doing well and she didnt come from a good home and was awful at managing her emotions and didnt talk to anyone and she would sh (i only know ab bc of some complicated secret poetry thing but she never knew i had seen that but i think she meant me to) and i think she cared about me? i kinda hope not bc i want her to be happy

but i would genuinely give anything to go back in time and talk to her again for just a few hours

i want to text her and tell her everything but idk its too weird after 2 years

i think she deserves to know how much i care about her,, right?

i had to pause twice writing this bc i was crying too hard i worry about her so much

its good im godo at crying silently lol no one can even tell so sneaky

i saw a girl with the same hair as her last week and i teared up in the middle of the hallway because it hit me how much i dont know what shes doing or if shes even alive bc i KNOW hse wasnt fucknig donig well

my cat was trying to comfort me but i think he got bored and left he's so cute lmfoa my brain made it into a very angsty analogy b4 i had the chance to stop it 💀

im this close to cracking and spam texting her

i googled her just now and found her linkedin profile of fucking course shes on linkedin thats so inc harecetr where she says she wants to go to medical school and she uses fucking stupid old words like candor and idk i hope she gets into her dream college

im sure she can she was always so smart i thknk shell do rly well and maybe one day shell perform open heart surgery on me lol that would be baller

"I believe in honesty because it creates an environment that permits integrity. Allowing for candor leads to an honorable work space. Integrity is an essential value to have as it holds all to a high ethical standard. Integrity adds trust, which is necessary for professionalism. I plan to enroll in a four-year college for a master's degree to study biochemistry. I then intend to go to medical school and earn a doctorate."

she fucking talked like that even at 13 yeah and she liked running and read all the time and she loved gamed of thrones and i still own one of her shitty books and we met when she was challenging classmates to race and she was so tall and had pretty hair

sophia im sorry for crying i think it would make her uncomfortable haha

i have fucking snot on my face now shed forsure be uncomfortable lmfaoo

ill go watch some tv show and try not to burst into tears again in 10 minutes ugh maybe it would be better if i had stayed depressed having this many feelings is driving me crazy why r u here bro : /

i should make a secret vent account LMFAO my followers r here for ohshc and mq not sob stories sorry sorry

[bulldagger-bait]

LONG ramble ahead. Feel free to skip. (Also this stuff is probably a bit too personal but i dont really care tumblr is my diary and i just have to get these thoughts out)

I had my first almost completely pain free day today and... It was fucking magical. Like, I still had pain in all of the niggling areas i always do: muscle tension, joint pain.

But my nerve pain. My nerve pain! For a good while it just wasnt there. And because the pain wasnt there, the FND couldnt kick up a fuss. I felt strong. I could stand. I wasnt hurting.

When i woke up after my surgery nearly a decade ago, i was in the worst pain of my life. I was writhing and screaming and begging to die. 10 out of 10 out of 10. And over the course of my hospital stay it diminished. Went from 10 to 9 to 8. And then 8 is where it stayed. It became my new normal.

I forced my way through the first year of recovery waiting for it to get better... But it never did.

I tried to push through and not let anything hold me back. I dont know how many times i sobbed to myself quietly about how unbearable it was. I tried to take my life twice, and the pain was a significant reason why.

Eventually i got on meds that knocked it down to a 7, and a 7 is where ive been for the last 5 years. Every day.

Eventually i just kinda resigned myself to it. I couldnt think about the future because whenever i did, all i could feel was: "every moment of the rest of my life is going to feel like this". I accepted it, and i tried to move on. I found someone that i loved enough to stick around for. Someone who made living with the pain worth it.

And now, with this new cocktail of drugs... That burning pain is gone. Or at least, its no longer an electric, burning, blistering, grinding pain. Its tempered to what feels like a candle flame. And for a few rare moments here or there it goes away.

I dont know what to do with that. All of my other pain pales in comparison. They're their own little burning pains, but it doesn't feel like it matters. i can live with them.

And im finally hopeful about my future. Because for a few minutes last week i felt nothing. Blissful nothing. I was so shocked i couldnt even believe it.

When the pain came back i didnt even care or feel cheated, because all ive wanted for so long was just a few seconds pain free, and i got it. I didnt have to be drugged out of my mind (well ... Excluding the cocktail of drugs i was on). I just was. And when it was gone i wasnt upset because i knew if it could happen once, it could happen again. and i had a reason to be excited for my future; my long term future.

Im not just sticking around for other people anymore. Im sticking around for myself too. Because i deserve another five minutes without pain.

(sidenote: do i feel insanely guilty about having a break from my pain; and that its not fair; and that other people deserve it more than me; and that i shouldnt talk about it because its just rubbing it in everyones faces; and that i must have just been exaggerating the pain; and i dont deserve to even call myself disabled anymore; and that im scum; and that i should instead continue to suffer in pain because its all i know, and i dont know how to be myself without pain because its become such an integral part of who i am; and because its who ive been for near as makes no difference a decade; and that im just waiting for the other shoe to drop and somehow prove that im a fraud; and that the pain i had was never real, nor is the pain i have that the meds havent affected; and that im lying about everything; and that I dont deserve help; and that everyone in my life who has pain and hears me talk about this hates me, resents me; and that im terrified of losing the pain because it knows me intimately, and i know it, and that this severing is making me question who i am; and that the answer im getting in my head is: no one; you are no one without this.... Yeah, maybe. Maybe i am thinking that)

[alroma1]

Lightning does not strike twice Part 2

When some people critique All Might one of the point they made is how other people ( Gran Torino, Endeavor ) were better at teaching Deku handle Ofa, Which is true by the way. But I wonder if those who use this fact remember the reason for this. Its because All Might had no problem in handling Ofa since he got it. Its like trying to teach a person how ride a bicycle if you yourself only rode auto. 

So we stopped on how I think Yagi being quirkless explain his muscular form. Its just my theory though. Maybe next chapter Kohei will give another proper explanation. But as for now I believe its worth sharing. 

Quite a poetic way to describe it but if I got it right practically Ofa is a physical power boost. It enhances power, speed and other physical characteristics. 

So yeah One for All came from blending of two quirks. Lets stop on stockpile quirk for a moment.

We dont know who was original user of this quirk and as things stands now thats not that needed probably. Though maybe Kohei wil surprise us latter. 

Anyway for original stockpile user that quirk was the only quirk they had. It enhances his or her body. Practically quirkless body since it was the only quirk original user had. 

What I am trying to say here is that this quirk was never meant for somebody with already existing quirk. It simply doesnt work right in this situation. 

Both Banjo and En pointed out how their quirks became stronger with influence of Ofa. They both talks how its only stronger now with Deku but I suspect its not quite true, I suspect Ofa enhanced their quirks in their time too but in small amount. So small they didnt really noticed it while they were alive. 

So once again - stockpile quirk was meant to enhance physics of practically quirkless body ( since it was a quirk itself ). It was never suppose to boost another quirk. But for person with a quirk it is integral part of their physics. So Ofa starts to boost quirks as well. In small portions I think since its main point is in enhancing body. 

So when quirk person uses Ofa he or she cant draw its real power since it would be always shared between body and a quirk.

All MIght had no quirk to boost.  

He is the first Ofa user who handles it the way original stockpile user was. How its supposed to be. It fully went to his body and thats how muscular form came to be. 

Deku is a bearer for one year and roughly three months so maybe its not enough time for Deku develop it. But I doubt thats can explain this vast difference from All Might. 

This moment from Endeavor Agency really gives red signal now if you ask me.

Enji has a very strong quirk that starts to hurt him if he goes overboard. Sounds familiar isnt it? Yes, its similar to Deku and how he handles Ofa. Thats probably was the main reason why internship with Endeavor was so successful. 

So in the moment I was spoken earlier he placed himself and origin trio in one category and All Might in another. Of course he didnt know about Ofa at the time. But I think this moment was kinda 4th wall break. Endeavor placed Izuku in group of people with their own quirks opposing the quirkless born person. I think thats in very subtle way this was a hint to Deku having his own quirk. 

However Deku is special in a row of Ofa users too. Just not in All Might way. He is the first holder thats not only manifested previous users quirks. He actually has those dead people personally teach him how to use them.

Why this is even happening? 

The basic explanation is that Ofa started growing. The reason for that was never stated. Thats unanswered question in manga as  for now ( 327 )

I would say its kinda implied that Ofa accumulated enough power for that change. The question then would be why its happening with Deku who only wielded that power for nine months when it first manifested and not All Might who had it for forty years.

Theres theory that All Might somehow unconsciously used those quirks which I dont think has any real base in it. 

Its not clear if theres a special reason for quirk manifest in the order they are manifesting.( Thought Toshinori somehow knew that second would be Nana quirk ) But I suspect Kohei purposely made black whip first. All Might never had anything like this. Its like saying “No, this is something different”

So the question is why its happening with Deku. I have four versions. But only in one of those Deku is quirkless. In other three one way or another its because he has his own quirk factor. 

First version  - Quirk singularity.

One for All hit quirk singularity and even though Deku is quirkless the power is too big to control. It would most likely means it hit it during All Might turn but his body was adapted to it. But when it was passed to new person it hit him with full power. Good theory. But I doubt. 

It kinda feels that Ofa hit singularity long time ago. Maybe even before All Might.Or more like quirk singularity of this quirk exists only for quirk persons. Or more like quirkless people use it right.

I suspect that even if Ofa accumulate power of ten thousand nuclear reactors as long as it is quirkless person it will be fine. This power will just buff their body as much as it could take and then stop. It will inflate balloon but not blow it up.

Practically this wouldnt probably happen to quirkless person. I mean when All Might was hurt in battle with Ofa his body just started loosing muscular form. Super unsure about this one though. 

Second version - No quirk factor 

Lets put quirk singularity aside for now and return to thought that at the time Ofa simply didnt have enough power to manifest those quirks. But nine months after Deku became holder it suddenly has. I say suddenly because its hard to swallow because Toshinori holded this power for forty years and nothing of that sorts happened. So maybe its already had enough power in All Might turn but he has no quik factor so it simply couldnt manifest those quirks. One cant SPEAK in six different languages if he or she is mute. As soon as it really settles in body with a quirk factor Ofa started evolve and manifested another quirks.  

Third version  - Last accord.

Even though All Might was holder for forty years the power saved during that time was still not enough for vestiges and other quirks manifest. Deku added his own quirk factor to the core and that what caused changes. 

The last, fourth version is a bit more complicated. We need first to look closer at idea that Deku has his own quirk. 

The first objection that comes with theory about Deku having his own quirk is this pinky thing. Quirk persons has one joint Deku has two hence he is quirkless. 

The first question I have - what about heteromorphs? Does this mean Spinner has human pinky? Okay lets say this is special case. 

Putting aside who told Deku this I think its interesting that this rule comes from EARLY research. A lot of time passed since then. Even if this is generally true theres always such thing as exception. Like certain percentage reject this rule or people with certain type of quirk are exceptions. 

 Another problem with Deku having his own quirk is how in fifteen years of his like Izuku didnt manifested anything that can be called quirk. But there was already precedent for this right?

Yoichi had the quirk that didnt have anything that can be called manifestation. Practically it can be a quirk that wouldnt show signs of existing until very specific circumstances, 

But I doubt Deku has that kind of quirk ( if he has one after all )

I would say it sounds more like even though Deku has his own quirk it cant manifest for some reason. 

Maybe Deku case is special and he should have manifested in different time of life than others. Like in X-men majority of mutant abilities manifest during puberty.  

However I personally suspect something happened with Deku and that put something akin to block on his quirk. 

Personally I see two possible explanation to this. 

Theres long lived theory that dr Tsubasa is Garaki and he stole Deku quirk.

While the two are clearly connected ( in 257 it was practically stated that Tsubasa clinic is in cooperation with Jaku hospital that Garaki founded) dr Tsubasa being a man himself sounds kinda strange to me. 

Garaki is a careful one which makes sense. He is in legal field. Would he risque his years build public persona just so he could be a doctor somewhere in suburbs? Or more precisely would he risque it looking exactly like his public persona? I have my doubts so I will wait for Kohei explain this situation. 

So returning to theory about Deku quirk being stolen. Ironic but if this was a truth we wouldnt have so much problems. Probably. It would made him quirkless and thus the same as All MIght. Probably.

The thing is if I got it right Garaki doesnt steal quirks. He replicates them,

It makes sense  - if he stole all those quirks it would raise numbers of quirkless people and inevitably caught the eye of police and heroes.

The only existence in this manga ( if I remember right ) that can steal ( not erase ) others quirks is a quirk called All for One which belongs to Afo. 

Afo can steal and give quirks but cant replicate them. Garaki can replicate them but cant steal them and only can give through long painful operation. It was a match made in hell.

If this is right the chances of Deku quirk ( assuming he had one ) being stolen is quite low.  Unless Tsubasa decided experimented on him. Which I would say kinda far fetched. Thats to say there is clear connection between him and Garaki so it wouldnt surprise me if one of remaining Nomu will start make explosion with its hands.

I suspect the real problem may lies in Inko

I have already made a post  about how I believe Kohei hints that Inko isnt as wholesome as some believe and she might did something with Deku quirk. It would explain her clearly feeling guilty about something. Her guilt was stated in her profile but a reason for this was never told. 

The question how could she actually do something to his quirk is complicated but if this is really what Kohei hints I am pretty sure he has explanation for this. 

I think this version has more chance of happening because it would explain why its kinda feels like something eats her from inside. I mean lets be honest. She can support Izuku when times are relatively fine. But when it get tough he is the one that ends up supporting her. It was clearly shown in aftermath of him meeting Shigaraki at the mall.

So yeah if Deku has his own quirk after all I would say somehow it cant manifest. And here comes last version why Deku manifested quirks of predecessors.

Fourth version - Obstacle.

 In its history power called One for All only had two kind of holders - those with quirks and strictly speaking those without it. However in Deku it found something new. It encountered body with quirk factor but strictly speaking no quirk. Body that cant manifest quirk because it has some kind of obstacle, What does flowing river do when it encounters impediment on its way? It bulges until it manages break through. And this is a real reason why Ofa started to grow. It tries to make Deku manifest his own quirk. To fix him.

                                             Visuals

In Ofa realm All Might vestige looks different then other users. One of the explanations its because he is still alive. Might be. But in 304 chapter its quite strongly implied its because Yagi has no quirk factor. 

He literally looks like Ofa flames. Deku doesnt look like that. 

For justice neither do Deku looks completely like other vestiges. Though I would say he looks more like them than All Might. 

Yagi vestige cant speak in that world and neither could Deku at first. But latter he managed to form sounds so I would say eventually he will manifest mouth, Actually he takes more and more concrete form in this dImension. Its implied to be because he gets better at handling Ofa but I wonder... maybe its because we are getting closer and closer to his own quirk manifestation?

There has been a lot of stars\lights in the story recently. But I suspect it has two different meanings. On these two panel its to symbolise Ofa users. On the first one theres eight stars and ninth is Deku in flesh. On the second just nine stars.Its pretty simple. 

And here we have something more complicated. I think. It was said that core of Ofa contains previous users quirk factors. I think here stars symbolise those. Yoichi says that core should contain quirks from 2d to 7th users. He doesnt count himself and All Might. So strictly speaking there should be six stars at the core but as you can see on the first picture theres seven. 

And here we have a moment from 287 chapter where you can observe six stars. I have two explanation for this. 1) They symbolise Ofa users minus Deku, minus 2d and 3d who at the time didnt acknowledge him. 2) Its lowkey confirms Deku has his own quirk since he is the seventh star at the core. Personally I suspect its second option.

So heres my thoughts on why I suspect Deku has his own quirk. I dont insist on it. Just think its worth sharing.

P.S.

If Deku really has his own quirk I suspect it to be water type quirk. Aside from small moments during manga that might foreshadows it Kohei hints quirks of the characters in their names. Midoriya Izuku. Mi and izu roughly can be read as mizu which is japanese for water. 

[obeiii-mee]

Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!

——————————-

This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)

——————————-

The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:

Lucifer:

-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived

-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable

-Not to mention all the treatment you would require

-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there

-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake

-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair

-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house

-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs

-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year

-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis

-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)

-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break

-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom

-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you

-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you

-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case

-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears

-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you

-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back

-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare

-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha

-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay

-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need

-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol

Mammon:

-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first

-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he’s stuck babysitting you stupid human

-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”

-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that

-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for

-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?

-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though

-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around

-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN

-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it

-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am

-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions

-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:

-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”

-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh

-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs

-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad

-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”

-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too

-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving

-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad

-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”

-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones

-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often

Levi:

-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom

-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year

-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot

-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often

-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you

-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him

-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”

-“The answer is no Leviathan.”

-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“

-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around

-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all

-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch

-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him

-Usually left out by other people, ignored even

-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself

-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking

-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’

-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)

-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !

-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven

-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings’ endless and dangerous shenanigans

-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being

-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure

-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol

-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it

-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-

-OK Levi, sit back down

-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything

-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room

-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe

Satan:

-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense

-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)

-He’s a smart boy, alright?

-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you

-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get

-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰

-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way

-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)

-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help

-But in a subtle way...?

-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside

-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here

-He wants to know how your wheelchair works

-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before

-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself

-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like

-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon

-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain

-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish

-But when others purposefully try harming you?

-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage

-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings

-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything

-You’re strong and he knows this

-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you

-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing

Asmo:

-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life

-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way

-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time

-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around

-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual

-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get

-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go

-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously

-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you

-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together

-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”

-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes

-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room

-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day

-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times

-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not

-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life

-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries

-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career

-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)

-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(

Beel:

-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances

-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is

-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius

-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?

-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around

-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(

-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way

-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so

-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best

-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him

-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help

-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’

-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most

-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”

-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound

-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt

-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do

-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough

-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times

-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself

-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation

-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair

-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what

Belphie:

-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak

-It didn’t matter that you had a disability

-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him

-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first

-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs

-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all

-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby

-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer

-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you

-Do not let him push you around

-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls

-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off

-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that

-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole

-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him

-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not

-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer

-But he doesn’t care

-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there

-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD

-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over

-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”

-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”

-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often

-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house

-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌

———————————

Al~

[enderspawn]

It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

[ask-the-six-human-souls]

Hi, it’s the Justin and Chara rambler again. This time I want to go over Asgore.

Don’t you find it odd that there actually isn’t a definitive reason why Asgore wanted them to go to the surface? Like yeah there is the whole, we where sealed here and want to be free but it’s very lackluster reasoning for Asgore.

Like, I bet he knew or understood what kind of crappy life Chara went through. A human hating and wanting to leave the human world sounds really bad. There is also the fact that he knew it was the humans that killed Asriel. It’s why the whole “kill humans” rule exists. Yet he still wanted to go to the world that one of his children hates and that killed his other child. If anything that would make someone not want to go up there or even despise the surface.

I will say that it’s hard to believe it was him getting the collective ideas from his people because it sounded like the “human hunt” was a very instant rule. Also, seeing how the underground treated Chara + with majority knowing who Chara is; them suddenly seeing Chara and Asriel are both gone and how the King made a “human hunt” rule, it’s easy to figure out they both died to humans. Yet Asgore still wanted to free the monsters to the surface. He knew if the monsters did get free they could be killed easily from human hands, that their entire race could be killed, he knew of the risks and that everything he’s known and heard about humans was bad and pretty negative.

It makes one question, why did Asgore want to go to the surface?

((A very good question! And I'm gonna do my best to give you my opinion!!

So, yes, its true...from the humans trapping monsters Underground, Asgore possibly knowing Chara's story, to the humans killing his own son and his adopted child...you'd think Asgore would completely refuse going to the Surface, and rather, let his people stay in the Underground. Its safer down there, right?

No...not really. :/

Multiple times in the game, NPCs mention how crowded things are getting, and other factors that make the Underground pretty miserable:

There is no way that Asgore isn't noticing this. His people are struggling to find places to live, and they are all trying to mask their fears and sadness of the future...

Living in the Underground isnt bringing his people hope like he wants them to have. The whole reason he made the 'human hunt' a thing is so that he could restore his peoples hope, which had been crumbled due to Asriel and Chara deaths. None of the monsters in the Underground truly want to stay there, it may look pretty great, but it's actually not.

The Surface is bigger, theres sunlight, and much more resources than what the Underground offers. Asgore wants to go back to the Surface to ensure that his people are happy and healthy...but, yes humans are still a big threat.

But thats why he was gathering the souls. I believe the game also mentions multiple times that Asgore was actually planning on wiping out the entire human race with the power he would have gained by absorbing all 7 souls, so then monsters could rule over the Surface...

But, I don't think he would have been able to really go through with that plan, if he would have succeeded...he couldn't even kill 6 humans without feeling tons of guilt...

Really, its a good thing Frisk came along, and showed Asgore that not all humans were merciless (possibly some of the other fallen humans may have showed him this as well- like Kindness, Patience, or even Integrity and Perseverance- even though we dont know their stories, not to mention Chara was not all that bad, either).

In the end, Frisk becoming the ambassador was the best thing that could have happened. Cause it seemed to have worked well, since the credit scene shows all the characters doing what they always wanted to do (Papyrus getting a car, Mettaton performing, Toriel becoming a teacher, Onionsan swimming in the ocean, etc.) With no humans seeming to have harmed them, or harming them.

Asgore probably wasn't he biggest fan of going to the Surface...but, his people being free, happy, and healthy, probably made him not worry as much. He may have just been glad to see everyone finally achieving their dreams, and not worrying about the future.

Thats my take, anyway! :)

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[auty-ren]

The Offer: Chapter 2

Touches

Pairing: ClanLeader!Mando x fem. Reader

Rating: T (Mature for future chapters)

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Injury, Touching, Insinuations of sex, Cursing (just a tiny bit), Fluff, Yearning (a lot).

A/N: I’m having so much fun writing this. Please let me know what you think! Comments and feedback appreciated always. It’s also on AO3. Hope y’all enjoy💕

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

Mandalorian lore via mandoa.org (I dont own it)

ClanLeader!Au created by @magichandthing​​

Gif by @coredrive​

Summary: You finally get to speak to Clan Leader Djarin again.

Your nose was definitely broken.

The elder assessed that much on her initial exam of your face. 

The bile in your stomach churned and nausea flooded your senses at the thought of having to reset the broken cartilage. You knew they would have to realign your nose otherwise it would never grow back properly. However, your stubbornness took hold and you wouldn’t let the elder anywhere near your face. You knew the pain that was eventually going to happen, but you dreaded the process. You wanted to postpone it for as long as you could. You tried to rationalize other options, internally debating and trying to come up with excuses for Mira and the Elder. Maybe if it was left alone, your nose would heal just fine; it seemed like a probable outcome you just hoped Mira would see it that way and leave you be.

Mira, of course, had different plans.

It took Mira straddling you, completely immobile due to her weight pressing into your chest, and the strength she held your arms with for the Elder woman to be able to fix your nose from its dislocated position. When she finally did, you're sure your scream reverberated off the walls.

“We underestimated your strength ad’ika.” The woman joked after giving a final dose of a bacta shot. Your eyes were still watering and you just huffed in response, causing Mira to chuckle from across the room.

Mira’s company started to grow on you, even though at first your time together was filled with silence. She often busied herself around the hut; shining her armor, cleaning her assortment of weapons, tinkering with different pieces of mechanics that littered the shelves. You would offer to help and she accepted, reluctantly at first, but you were starting to think she enjoyed your company as much as you did hers.

Most of the conversation was you asking questions about Mira and her people. You had some knowledge of the ways of a Mandalorian but Mira always explained it better. She always answered you with a sense of patience, explaining everything to you in detail you could understand. You appreciated it, the last thing you would want to do is offend her people with ignorance. She seemed to enjoy your enthusiasm for learning about Mandalorian culture.

“Ba'jur bal beskar'gam, Ara'nov, aliit, Mando' a bal Mand'alor, An vencuyan mhi.”

“What?”

“It is a rhyme taught to children, so they can better understand our way of life.” She put down the tool she was cleaning her armor with, handing you the piece to polish. Before you could even ask, she recited the same phrase to you in basic.

“Education and armor, Self-defense, our tribe, Our language, and our leader, All help us survive.”

Days bled into weeks and you started to lose count of how long you had been with Mira. Your injuries had healed fully thanks to Mira and the elder that visited you. Light remains of your still healing bruises were all the evidence of the encounter. As you felt better, Mira invited you to accompany her into the village. It had almost become pleasant, the little routine you two had. The fresh air always felt nice, and Mira filled the time telling you more stories of her clan.

“That man,” you paused, debating whether or not you should even bring up the topic. “The one who I met when we first arrived, who was he?”

Ever since then you found yourself wondering about him more than you liked to admit. He and Mira had been the first people to treat you with kindness in a long time, so you figured the reaction to him was just grateful. Your curious nature made it almost impossible to not want to know more. You had learned much about Mira the last few weeks, and the persistent thoughts of him would certainly cease at knowing more of him. At least that's what you told yourself, but it was hard to forget that blooming you felt in your chest when he first spoke to you. How the deep timbre of his voice felt like honey that settled in your bones. You caught yourself daydreaming how his voice would sound without the mask of his voice coder, just as rich and deep but something new and soft against your ears. It probably felt heavenly to hear him whisper things to you, his breath gentle in your ear.

Mira turned to you and watched as you waited for an answer. It was as if Mira could read your thoughts from the way her head tilted to look at you. You were thankful she didn't pry, that was a conversation you didn't want to have.

“He is the strongest and conscientious of us all, which is why the High Elders chose him to lead and defend our clan. Each of the pendants he wears is a testament to his fortitude.”

You listened intently, hanging on to every word Mira spoke.

“They say he received his signent by hunting a Mudhorn that terrorized the village and killing the beast with a viro-blade as his only weapon.”

“Oh,” was all you could say, your voice just a whisper in the silence left behind her words. As much as you will yourself to be satisfied with this information, it only seemed to stoke the fire that had been set ablaze by him. You wanted to know so much more, the desire to be around him was something you tried hard to ignore.

—

Much to Mira’s protest you mostly stayed to yourself, already feeling so out of place. Aside from her, the elder, and the brief encounter with the clan leader Djarin you hadn’t spoken to anyone else since being here. She tried all she could to get you to attend their weekly dinner, a celebration every clan member attended, she insisted. You eventually caved to her persistence. So you sat with her at one of the long wooden tables, chipping away at the plate full of food in front of you. Every so often you stopped to pull at a loose thread in your sleeve, somehow hoping the action would ease the anxiousness you felt.

The clan had given you new clothes shortly after settling with Mira. She presented the garments to you one night, explaining that the leaders agreed you would feel more comfortable in them. A simple, deep red, long sleeve tunic, and a long brown skirt that flowed around the movement of your legs. It was similar to the attire you’d seen some of the women in the village wearing.  It felt unusual at first, you were so used to wearing the same few articles, almost threadbare in places from the years of consistent wear. These clothes seemed almost new, soft to the touch, and fit your body perfectly. The gesture nearly brought tears to your eyes, no one had given you such a thoughtful gift since you were a child.

It was so refreshing to see that not all the hope had been purged from the galaxy. Mira's people were just as legend had described them, fierce warriors with integrity and strength that rivaled entire battalions of soldiers; but there was also love and kinship that was deeply rooted in pillars of their society. It seemed almost surreal, this warrior race had taken you in; had healed and cared for you. It was something you had to witness first-hand, no amount of stories could convey the community the Mandalorians had, at least no one would believe you if you had tried.

You opted to observe the events of dinner, not wanting to cause any more trouble than you felt you had already. Mira had not lied when she said everyone would be there. The tables were filled with people laughing and enjoying the company of each other. It felt so peaceful, and the unsettling feeling in your stomach subsided as the dinner went on. The evening eventually started winding down when dusk had settled over the village. You thought it would be rude to leave without Mira, so you waited patiently on the sidelines wanting to return to the hut.

“How are you feeling?”

Din leaned his shoulder against the wall behind you, his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side. You jumped, you hadn't even heard him coming towards you. He seemed amused at your reaction, letting out a huff that slightly jolted his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” You felt that same pull start in your chest. “Mira has taken very good care of me.”

“Good.”

He became silent, watching the clan mingle like you were. This was exactly what you had been hoping for, to be alone, to be able to talk with him, and ask all the things you had been pondering since your initial meeting. But now you felt so small, every word you had readied was lost on your tongue, swallowed by the intimidation you felt. He was the noblest warrior of his clan, strong and authoritative in his ways but he made your heart flutter in a way you didn't know could. It was suffocating, being around him but you craved it nonetheless.

He moved to sit next to you, straddling the bench you sat on. You could feel him looking at you, but you didn't dare tear your gaze from in front of you. You felt your face flush all the way to the tips of your ears. He hadn’t said five words to you and you were already a mess.

“I should find Mira,” you broke the tension, hoping to escape so you could finally breathe again. “It's late.”

Before you could distance yourself he spoke, halting you in your tracks.

“I can return you to your hut,” he paused pushing himself to stand. He considered you for a moment as if to debate his next words.

“If that's what you wish.”

—

“I haven’t seen you since your arrival.” It wasn't really a question, more of an observation. You turned to look at his helmet, still trained on the path in front of you.

“Mira forced me to break my isolation.”

A huffed laugh came through his helmet, effectively melting some of the tension that had built up. Your own smile stretched across your lips, he still made you incredibly nervous but he at least had a sense of humor.

You didn't exchange any more words, silence falling back over you both. It felt just a little different than before, the tension wasn't drawn so tight. A light airy feeling replaced the energy that flows between the two of you. You could feel your muscles relaxing just the slightest bit, the bubbling worry in your stomach replaced with a dull ache.

Your senses focused back on your surroundings, cool darkness had enveloped your path, lit only by the torches mounted against the huts. People still congregated in the street, groups exchanging wishes of sweet dreams as most of them prepared for sleep. As you passed, side by side with their leader, each person stopped to give a small bow. Some of their gazes lingered on you, not in a judgemental way, most of them just seemed curious in nature. It was probably odd, seeing some strange woman being escorted by the most respected man in their village. If he noticed their looks, he didn't make it known.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a small flash of bright color, sticking out noticeably against the neutral tones of the earth. You stopped and tucked in between two of the homes lining your path home, was a small flower bed. Some of the buds had yet to bloom, the new petals poking through the green shell that encased them. Others were full and brilliant, ranging from every color under the sun. You kneeled down to gently caress the buds in the palm of your hand.

Din didn’t realize you had stopped at first. He noticed the absence of your footsteps and turned around, watching you admire the flowers. He walked closer to you, essentially blanketing you in his shadow. Like before, you failed to notice his presence behind you.

“Sorry,” you apologized once you realized he was waiting for you. Standing up and brushing the dirt from your knees. You awkwardly clasped your hands together in front of you, waiting for him to respond. He stood still, completely static and it felt like a standoff of who would move next. You thought of saying something, anything to get him to act again but before you could he cut you off.

“You like…” He seemed to carefully consider his next words, in some ways it almost seemed meek the way the syllables rolled off his tongue. “Flowers?”

You turned your head to glance at the bed behind you. Realizing now how odd you must've looked, stopping to smell flowers like some child. You looked forward and he had yet to move still staring directly at you, at least that's what you assumed it was hard to tell with his visor.

“Yes, um…” Your mouth felt dry and tightened around your words. You know he didn't ask for an explanation but you gave one nonetheless, trying to ease your embarrassment.

“My mother used to have flowers on my home planet,” You turned your face down to your hands, rubbing your thumb at the juncture of two of your fingers. “I haven't seen any since the day I left...”

It had been a long time since you had thought of your old life. Ever since the war it had become painful to even entertain the good memories. Your parents had become ghosts of what they once were.  Their faces were just flashes in your mind, reduced to the few reminders that stuck with you. The smells of cedar and earth reminded you of your father, his clothes always permeated with the smell of the outdoors. Sometimes you could recall how kind his eyes were, seeing a glimpse of them in your dreams. You remembered your mother’s flowers, how they grew during the warm season filling beds of green with vivid, swirling color.

“I didn’t realize they still grew.” You tried your best to keep the emotions these memories held from finding your face, but Din sensed them nonetheless. He hesitated for a moment before gesturing for you to follow him again.

—

“Thank you, for walking with me,” you said turning to him with a small smile on your face as the hut came into your view.

“Of course.” He stopped just a few feet away from you, turning to mimic your position.

“Goodnight,” you said, turning and walking up the few steps of the porch to Mira’s home.

“You never told me your name,” he said, causing you to stop just in front of the door, you turned back to face him.

You told him, giving a slight smile at the end of your words. He parroted your name, climbing up the stairs becoming level with you again. He moved closer to your body, leaving just a few inches between your chests. You looked up into his visor, your reflection more noticeable with the close proximity of your bodies.

He repeated your name, his hands going for one of the necklaces resting against his chest. He lifted it away from him, bringing the necklace around your neck, the cool metal of the pendant resting just above your breasts. You looked between him and the mythosaur skull, the same one you saw plastered on nearly everything in the village. You wanted to say something, your mouth opening, and closing while trying to focus long enough to string a few words together.

“You’re so beautiful.” He leaned his arm against the door behind you, pinning you between him and the wood of Mira’s hut. His other hand came up to trace along the length of your neck, his knuckles stopping when they reached your chin.

You felt like you were on fire, your blood running white-hot under your skin, leaving a blushed tint in its wake. You didn’t dare look up at him, afraid you’d melt under his gaze that seemed to bore straight through you. You kept your eyes fixated on the expansion of chest level with your eyes.

“Have you thought about staying?” His fingers gripped your chin, bringing you to look directly at his visor.

“Stay?” You were a little taken back, your voice coming out as a squeak compared to his. “Here?”

“Yes, here.” He chuckled, his voice dropped mocking the whisper in your tone. A smile threatens the corners of your lips and you bite on the inside of your cheek to stop the spread. He thought it was entertaining, watching you become giddy under his attention. You turned to look just past his shoulder, willing the flush you felt on your face and neck to subside. You had wanted his attention and now you had it but you were failing miserably at being anything but at his mercy.

“Do you like it here?” He said sensing your hesitation, forcing you to focus on him again.

“Yes, of course.” It was true, you enjoyed your time. But to stay? What place did you have here? They had made you feel so welcome but you were an outsider and you had yet to offer any contribution to their way of life. You had felt better than you had in years. Like a familiar version of yourself had taken over again, replenishing the life you so desperately tried to find before. It felt invigorating but you knew it couldn't last forever, and with your injuries in the final stages of healing, you knew that time was coming to an end.

“Then stay.” His voice was firm but held a sort of gentleness that made your heart flip in your ribcage.

He grabbed your hand, leading your palm to rest in the middle of his chest. Your fingers instinctively spread over the warmth of his skin, he interlocked his fingers with yours, effectively trapping your hand behind his.

You couldn’t see his face, but it felt as if you were staring right into his soul. You imagined the depth and piercing look of his eyes. You imagined they were just like the rest of him, fierce and intriguing but with a softness hid behind them. Mesmerizing you and making you want nothing more than to fall deep in their hypnosis. You wanted to kiss him, to feel him against you, flesh and bone to be explored by your fingertips. You wanted to be encased totally by him, to drown in the warmth he exuded, to feel nothing but him for the rest of your days.

With a newfound boldness, you slipped your hand away from his slowly trailing down the center of his chest. The pads of your fingers moved over the toned muscle of his chest, doing exactly what you had daydreamed about since you met him. His skin was a beautiful tanned color with scars scattered, telling the story of his battles. You traced a few, fingers delicately moving across the raised skin. You felt his breath released from behind his helmet, so quiet you may have not noticed if it weren't for the rise and fall of his chest. You continued your movements, traveling down until you met the trail of hair that peeked out from his trousers. He abruptly grabbed your wrist, a groan filtering through to your ears. His grip was firm, stopping your actions but being careful not to hurt you.

“You should get some rest.” His voice was so low, gravelly, barely registering with the voice coder of his helmet. He released his grip, moving your hand back to your side.

You were afraid you had fucked up, misreading him and crossing some forbidden line. Shame flooded your mind, causing your gaze to drift to your feet. He reached up to your face, pushing the hair that fell in your face back, revealing the timid look that fell on your features. He held his palm against your face for just a moment longer than necessary. As his hand fell from your face, you were back to staring into the darkness of his visor, surprised by the tenderness of his actions.

“Goodnight,” He whispered, turning back to walk down the steps, leaving you stunned and missing his warmth.

“Goodnight.”

—————

Taglist: @queenofheavenandhell​​ @youmeanmybrain​ @theocatkov​ @dreamgirl-67 @duker42​ @spxcedxdddy​ @vikingqueen28​ @hdlynn​ @leo-moon​ @tiffdawg​

(Let me know if you want to be added or removed!💕)

[seaweedsawyou]

i dont follow you, but i saw your reply on the eskew post with the haunting of hillhouse quote and its been making me WILD. they are honestly so similiar if you get down to it in such fascinating ways.. brilliant n groundbreaking! id love to hear more thoughts on the matter if you had any more. i hope you have a nice day regardless :)

Glad to see someone who understands!! They are integral parts of each other, Eskew being an almost spiritual successor/continuation of Hill House! Down below I try to give my thoughts on it, which start as an essay and end as abstract poetry - thank you for the opportunity.

In the Haunting of Hill House, Eleanor is trying to change the direction of her life by spending time in an insane house, which can survive under conditions of absolute reality (unlike living beings). In Jackson’s context, “absolute reality” is the constant bombardment of realism into our psyche, the only sane escape from which is to dream.

Both Eleanor and David are dreamers at heart, where David’s old notebooks are filled with spirals of an impossible place, and Eleanor invents 3 different magical scenarios of a life she could never have on the way to the House. Why are they so attracted to the places that are devoid of the need to dream, to escape from reality?

It’s- it's about pretending again. Eskew and the Hill House see them for what they are, which is a tragedy. More on that later.

It’s hard to make friends as an adult. Eleanor sets out to Hill House in hope to find companionship, and through it - attention she’s been absolutely starved for. At first she tries to be nice and friendly, but can’t survive an evening without getting extremely self-conscious. Human attention is exhausting. Unkind thoughts about herself and others creep into Eleanor’s mind. After sharing that she is without a job and plans for the future, she can’t let them know she is homeless and friendless as well.

We don’t see David pre-Eskew, but we can assume that he was a lot like Nell. No prospects, no connections, troubled relationship with his mother.  However, he chooses to run away from his home and his mother, in desperation for somewhere, anywhere different. His emotional investment in Eskew has no rivals, and the city is willing to reciprocate. Promise itself to one human.

Words often betray Eleanor when she is trying to tell the truth, especially about herself. 

She doesn’t value them much.

David does not trust himself with words - either to convey or understand important topics. He avoids bringing up the elephant in the room even with Allegra - probably wise, since the question he wants to ask her the most is about how she would define her relationship with Eskew.

Thankfully, Hill House and Eskew operate on a deeper level. More primal, and without the need for pesky verbalization that breeds confusion. Desires are absolute reality. You want a soulmate that understands your pain, even if you never told her about it? Please! You would like to feel the comfort of your mother’s womb and the ultimate sense of belonging it brought with it? Can do! Want to commit suicide? Sure, here's a nice welcoming bridge right next to your house.

David lives in fear of being noticed by the city, of failing to follow one of the unspoken rules he never learned (he’s a foreigner, after all) and incurring its wrath, and simultaneously - of playing right into its hand. Thought crimes are still crimes. At the same time, he can’t announce his plans out loud for they will be heard. Also, and he seems to sincerely believe this at times, Eskew can be swayed with a convincing enough performance. 

Eleanor, soon, slips. Her hunger and self-hatred begin to haunt the House, terrorizing its inhabitants at night, and some of them even start to notice the source (before she does). The sudden shift from a member of the group to an outsider is jarring, and can only be rectified by more fabrications. 

Places become extensions of will - or, rather, minute desires that cannot be put into words. They don’t need to be told, they simply change. Control is a curious thing: on one hand, your surroundings morph according to your whims, on the other hand, you cannot control your feelings and mental illness, which often causes knee-jerk reactions leading to external catastrophes. Simultaneously all powerful, and nothing goes according to your wishes.

People give up on Eleanor. They cannot provide as much patience and compassion as she needs. She needs so, so much attention, and is not willing to give anything in return.

The House has all the time in the world and no social needs to speak of. Eternally welcoming, waiting for the one.

Eskew never gives up on David. Time and time again, it offers him new starts, different circumstances, alternate lives. Their parting is just one among the myriad of previous reinventions.

A place so real it feels like a dream. A portrait of a person so true it seems fictional. A creature so small it can be swallowed whole by a monster, to feel its every tiny movement on a personal level and respond in turn. A loving embrace.