#i dont know why im trying online anymore

[britneyshakespeare]

ppl will just reblog posts w outright historical misinformation in them

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

What's the fucking point

[bellamygateoldblog]

idk i feel like everyone would be so much happier if u just minded ur business and let ppl get on with who they are

[n0ct0urn1quet]

think i migght acactully drop out of school lmao i cannot do this shit anymore . i was fine a second ago but the thoughts got too strong and so now im Mad

[pears-trinkets]

.

[iridescentspacewhale]

.

[almondarcade]

i really just show up once every month to use this shit as a diary because i cant on twitter where people will see lmAO

[omanu]

THERE IS A LIMIT FOR TAGS NOW???? FUCK YOU

[snekdood]

To all the group chats who are bored and need a hobby badly: goooo fuck yourselves!!!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i cut off someone reaching out for help on tumblr? i am a very anxious person. ive been on tumblr a very long time because most all other social media terrifies me as someone who grew up with the wild west internet a decade past (im in my late 20s) so i feel sometimes with how reckless and spurractic people can be online in chatroom and especially clearly public platforms where any stranger, malicious or otherwise can just archive your digital presence for personal use.

more recently as someone who has been here during the pornban and as an asexual really enjoyed the quiet with no drama farming and a slow pace to talk about more unique political topics in a measured way it is something im strangely nostalgic for and a great example of my sensibilities to people when they insist that i use other platforms like discord or twitter or whatever clone for these services comes out of the old guard introducing feature creep to copy everyone else or any other indi "were the anti corporate version" of the endless scroll apps. i just dont want it. tumblr is special because im desktop only, been here for years, and i have kept track of every single change made so i have manually adjusted the change through hacks to evade every bad decision on here and make my set up look identical to how it was in 2010. so let it be understood that i tend to be a loney person because of this stubbornness. web 3.0 is too dangerous to people with addictive tendencies that my adhd brings out and my need to wear my heart on my sleeve. so i hope i defended my personality type enough to show why someone like me would see a post about some horrible abuses they have fell victim to who also share alot of the marginalized status as me and writing depressive things in the replys of others posts as to attention seek about it.

i directly interact with this person, not only to check if they are real (but wow, modern chat bots make this part horrifying for me. we really cant ever know for sure what is real anymore. trying to find warmth on the internet feels impossible now a days) i have multiple conversations at this point both venting and just casually shooting the shit. but the begging for me to constantly repost their paypal makes me so nervous in a way that i feel so guilty for because it reminds me of all the scams that get associated with this kind of ebegging and the reminder that capitalism takes away all warmth from human interaction to make them purely transnational and conditional. but then it just has been escalating where im so scared that now its not enough that im reposing on my 8 follower, all mutual blog, they are asking me to share it on other socials. accounts i do not have i have a flip phone and a laptop and i am tinkering with a windows 7 tower that will never be connected to the internet so i can always have software sit perfectly in its time capsule for when i need it. i do not have a way to help this person outside of what i learned from collage psyche classes. a part of me is so scared to just abruptly cut them off and just delete my entire account like i tend to do often on tumblr for a multitude of reasons, its a part of what lets people survive being here this long but i worry that would crush them if i did that, i dont want to make them feel more hopeless and unwanted then they already talk about. but i am text on the internet through a screen. i can only do so much. so would i be the asshole if i just deleted my account with a "i hope you hang in there, the world is a harsh place but keep moving" to cut someone so similar to me who is struggling out of my life?

What are these acronyms?

[mazeofyeni]

(🔴) ... [ NOW PLAYING ] [STAY-MADE] KAIA AND STRAYKIDS CUTE MOMENTS !

( intro. ) stray kids all being in love with kaia ❤️😝

➩ CLIP #1 PLAYING… 📼 !

chan being supportive as always ...

*kaia on the set of her drama* "it's my last day filming today , it's been fun , but it's time to return to stray kids." *she will always mention them😭* "I loved filming the drama , and it's been hard balancing both straykids and filming and i felt like i've neglected skz , so now it's time to return." *knock on her dressing room door* "huh?" *who could that be🤔* "come in" *door opens* *IT'S CHANN* "hello?" *look at her eyes light up🥹* "oppa!" "kaia!" "what are you doing here!" "i came to see you!" *he's matching her energy😭* "ah why?" "cause it's your last day of course." *hands her flowers* "thank you!" *look at him patting her head🤭* *fast forward until after filming ⏩* "and cut!" *everyone clapping* "thank you everyone for this opportunity." *chan comes out with a cake* "congratulations." "thank you." *blows out candles* *chan on the side taking a 1001 photos of her* "im so proud." *proud dad smile😭🥹* "our kaia is all grown up." *chan would be jailed if it was illegal to to praise kaia🤐*

➩ CLIP #2 PLAYING… 📼 !

lee know protecting her any way he can ...

1. ( offline ) *airport video of both lee know and kaia* *making sure kaia is in front so she won't be hurt if someone goes wrong* *you can hear him telling her it's okay , while keeping his arm in front of her* *fans screaming her name , trying to grab at her* *look at his glare😳* "keep your headphones on." *he held her shoulder until they got out*

2. ( online ) *lee know and kaia live* *kaia randomly talking about something while lee know looking at the comments* *see's the comments filling with hate* *you can see him visibly get upset* "let me see." *doesn't give her the phone.* *glares stares at staff* "it's not working, they're gonna fix it, just keep talking." *ends it right after* *lee know later on bbl* 'dont comment unnecessary things' 'tiger has feelings too'

➩ CLIP #3 PLAYING… 📼 !

changbin being protective ...

*flashback* *kaia being asked her ideal type by a interviewer* "yah, she's to young for that , don't ask her that." *everyone laughs* "oppa." *changbin gets louder.* "SHE'S ONLY A MINOR" ( flashforward to 2023 ⏩ ) *interviewer asking her once again* *you can see his eye twitch 😭* "this topic makes changbin kinda crazy" *hyunjin exposing changbin.* *changbin finally speaking* "oh no" *kaia please😭* "because why do we have to talk about this , shes so young , she doesn't really need a ideal type." *he's so into it😭* "oppa im 21." *disgusted dwaekki* "yah! and that's too young, you've barely graduated high school." *MIND YOU SHE GRADUATED ALREADY* *everyone is making fun of him* "this is why we don't have this conversation anymore"

➩ CLIP #4 PLAYING… 📼 !

kaijin jeju "date" ...

*kaialog ft. hyunjin 😁* "hi guys" *almost drops the camera* "please don't break the camera" "im not, have some faith in me." *passenger princess kaia is back* *flashback ⏪* *solo kaia live* "can i drive? yes. but do i drive? no, we have drivers and if not i cant be bothered to do such." *she's so real😭* *fast forward ⏩* "hyune is gonna drive today." *smiley 🥟* "we're in jeju" *casually dropping they're on a jeju date but okay😳* "it's our last day, so we're driving around and taking pictures." *driving⏩* "we've found a spot , and hyunjin bought his camera." "hand me your bag." *holding her bag😭😭* "be car getting out." *hyunjin looking around for a perfect spot.* "here, it's good lighting." *literally only takes pictures of her* "that's enough right" *hyunjin is not even listening* "ah all of these good , im gonna upload them all." *smiling ear to ear over her STAND UP ❗* "ah, so so pretty." *trying to whisper, we all heard you hyunjin*

➩ CLIP #5 PLAYING… 📼 !

jisung being flustered by kaia ...

*flashback* *han talking about kaia* "kai has really flirty eyes." *changbin is confused* "yah , explain that so stay won't think different." *changbin trying to stop a scandal😭😭* "oh wait no! i-its just that she has a really intense stare , and it's makes you really flustered and hard to concentrate." *that didn't help AT ALL 🤭* *okay fast forward ⏩* *kaisung live* "we've never did a live with just us , why is that?" *jisung is nervous* "i-i don't know." *why does he look like he's about to pass out." *another flashback ⏪* *solo kaia live* "jisung said my eyes are flirty?" *look at that smirk, GIRLY KNOWS!* "so he did, okay..." *you can see her planning* *now* "is it because my eyes are too flirty?" *look how his eyes widened 😭😭* "yah, stop that." *look at him turning red 🤭* "ah jisungie, look at you jisung." "so cute." *i see what he's talking about, those eyes would make me fold as well🫠*

➩ CLIP #6 PLAYING… 📼 !

lixie being the greenest flag ever ...

*kaia in milan on her first solo schedule for chanel* *our girl was so nervous* "im getting ready now , and im so nervous" *look at her shaking☹️💔* "you okay?" *even the staff was stressed out for her* "i never do these things without my members so it's hard." *poor girl☹️* "i'll go get you some water." *staff leaves* "im so nervous, is it gonna be okay?" *sees her phone ringing* "it's lix, he's facetiming her." *answers* "hello." "you okay?" *why is like he could sense😭* "im really nervous." "ah why, you'll do great." "it's a lot of people outside." "don't worry about that okay." *he's speaking so calm to her* "you look pretty." *felix is the guy everyone wants, kaia won at life🙏🏼* "don't be nervous, it's just stays out there okay?" *nods* "i'll call you right after, okay, go have fun." *I wan a felix😭* "love you kai, have fun." *waves, before hanging up* "you feel better now?" *shakes her head* "yeah." "he helped me , thank you lixie." *hearts* "he's such a light."

➩ CLIP #7 PLAYING… 📼 !

seungmin being cute for once ...

*seungmin talking to the camera , sitting on the couch* *wild tiger spotted in the background* *kaia see's the camera* "kaia is back there , she' was a mc today." *kaia takes this as a invitation* "minnie?" *seungmin sighs😭* "here she comes" *gets up and walks over to the couch* "what do you want?" *minnie trying to be serious , knowing he cant* "im tired." *lays down , putting her head on his lap." *seungmin pretending to be annoyed😭* "get up." *shakes head no* *literally never ask again* *5 minutes later and it cuts back to seungmin and kaia* "she fell asleep." *stoic stare* "she must've really been tired." *look down at her* "she stays up all night and wonders why she's so tired." *why does he look so worried* *this is such a cute scene though* *⏭️ another cut* "that's okay , get some sleep" *he gave her his jacket 😭😭😭* *moves her hair out her face* *that smile , she's whipped 🤭*

➩ CLIP #8 PLAYING… 📼 !

jeongin and kaia giving sibling energy ...

"we're here filming for lalalala concept photos , it's the unit photos and im with jeongin." *disgusted face* *aggi bang saw that* "yah, i seen that." *ready to fight* "what" *nawt her trying to play innocent* "both of you" "maknaes serving face 😵‍💫* *⏩ immediately cuts to them fighting again* "your big head is in the way" *offended tiger* "yang jeongin , don't talk about my head." *pouty kaia* "yah, don't be upset." *that cute fox smile* "im sorry, don't be upset." *jeongin actually tries to hug her 😨* "ah our pretty kaia" *smiley kaia* "your head is cute don't worry." *the longest i seen him hug someone , kaia really out here changing men ✊🏼*

( outro. ) kaia really out here doing what all girls want to do CITY GIRLS UP ❗

©️MAZEOFYENI

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[n0ct0urn1quet]

pov talking shit abt my sister in vc when my door is ever so slightly open and she probably heard me so now im all embarrassed to go out into the living room out of fear that she'll be like "so what were u talking about in there"

[niqaboy]

a long list of reasons i love my niqab and abaya

first and foremost, it is what makes me feel closest to Allah. i am in a constant state of worship when i am wearing my veil. i even wear it in the house.

i feel so incredibly protected. i know i sometimes am actually putting myself at risk wearing my abaya and veil, but regardless, there is such a safe feeling when i wear it

nobody! knows! the! shape! or! size! of! my! body!

the genderfuckery of it all. im a boy in a girl way and a girl in a boy way and my gender and faith are so incredibly intertwined.

its fun to play around with different color combinations and styles! i genuinely find it to be like. a fun little challenge to see how i can style something different about my look every day. like an online dress up game where you drag and drop the clothes onto a static doll. yes i am autistic why do you ask

on the note of gender again, it really helps me connect with the girl part(s) of my identity, something i had suppressed for a long time in trying to fit in with other trans men (a note here: don't really consider myself a trans man anymore. only label im using is boydyke currently. it fits like nothing else ever has)

i won't lie! i feel really beautiful! and i like feeling beautiful!

warmb. roast me like a chicken i love the heat. you can catch me wearing layers in the summer. yes i am anemic why do you ask

this is very specific but babies and little kids LOVE IT. especially when i'm wearing jersey fabric. so many are very curious and like to play with the fabric! have gotten slobbered on plenty of times. this is okay. they are children

sensory heaven. i am in my own little bubble and most people dont even look at me let alone speak to me. those who do are usually muslim themselves and will greet me warmly, because like, that's what we do!

[kaeyx]

anon who suggested demon beastzai here again !! meeting demon beastzai probably consists of months withstanding very very strange things happening wherever you go and even more so within your house. from lights flashing off and on, scratch marks on the wall, your stuff going missing, things being misplaced…. im not sure how reader and demon beastzai would even meet but i would think after you did, he got hooked on you immediately therefore the weird things start happening

it isnt until he actually makes himself FULLY known to you does he start showing up in front of you with little to no regards of your comfort, im sorry you just have a new roommate !! no takesies backsies !! he lingers behind you randomly , wrapping his arms around him and dotes on you. sure maybe he messes you with and maybe it’s a lot but it’s nothing too serious!!! yet. yet at least. unless youre so insistent on getting rid of him but you dont really have the power to actually do so, so he plays with you lightly <3

oh and he totally watches you take baths or showers, he’s like a cat he will follow you into every room. and let him nuzzle you while he holds you in bed wont you? no he won’t let you outside that much anymore, if you need something he can just order someone to get it for you ! he has a lot of power you know ? why would you need to go outside without him? if you really want to that badly, he supposes he could shapeshift into a human form but he’d really rather stay at home with you.

also going back to what someone said abt the demons faking that they have heats/ruts YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT DOES NOT HAVE DEMON BEASTZAI ALL OVER IT. HE WOULD DEFINITELY DO THIS…. just hearing him whine while he buries his face into your neck and he presses against you, practically humping you and hes just complaining about how painful this rut is for him !!! even the strongest demons have their weaknesses, youre the only person who can help him :(( he cant go to anyone else

I also don't know how demon Beastzai would come around to be honest.... he just pops up and decides to stay. The closest explanation I can come up with is he's some sort of lord/ruler in the underworld? That could serve as substitute for the PM, but I'm not too concerned about logistics I want the vibes. Somehow, someway, Beastzai decides he's your new roommate and now refuses to leave. Even worse if you live in a little studio apartment, because it's impossible to keep your distance or have any personal space. He'll sit with you, sneak into your bed, poke his head into the bathroom while you're showering, and nothing you do or say will stop him.

Beastzai also refuses to let you leave! He can magic groceries and takeout into your hands, you can shop and order stuff online, why would you ever have to step foot outside? If you complain about being confined to such a small space he'll offer to bring you back home with him, but of course that "home" isn't anywhere in this plane of existence. If you insist on going outside he shapeshifts into a hauntingly beautiful man, his dark fur turning into a dark coat, claws turning into long, nimble fingers. If the light hits his eye just right you swear it looks red. And he holds your hand everywhere you go, of course. Doctors' office, grocery store, he'll even hang off your arm while you're trying to work, exercise, go to class... And he'll be whining constantly about going back inside. He's got a million excuses: pollen, the sun hurts his eyes, he doesn't like getting wet, it's too hot, it's too cold, people make him anxious... It's neverending. And god forbid you have to take public transport, he'll hug you from behind, rest his chin on your shoulder, and glower at anyone who tries to stand close to you until they get off.

As for how he'd look, I have a few ideas but he's mostly the same as regular Demonzai. Big, tall, not buff just broad shouldered, horns and fangs and big claws. Lots of dark brown/black fur especially on his stomach and back. Maybe slit pupils? Yellow or red eyes, perhaps a forked tongue. He might even have backwards knees like animals do, generally I imagine him as part goat with some monster features added. If you strip him naked there won't be a lot of difference between Beast Demonzai and normal Demonzai imo, maybe a few more scars on Beastzai.

Also OUGJSVJDKVJD YES HE FAKES HIS RUTS ALL THE TIMEEEE he gets extra clingy and puts his hands all over you and whines pathetically, humping your leg and crying about how painful it is, walking naked around the house because he's "overheating" and conveniently letting you see every inch of him... And much like regular Demonzai he's not opposed to straight up holding you down and taking what he wants, or using you in your sleep.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

i have a confession

recently i had some trouble and had to delete an email

problem is, i used the google docs there to write my fics. and i thought i downloaded them all, but only one of my major ones did, and i lost everything else

literally all of it

i am anonymous because i lost my tumblr acc but on ao3 i am veetheree, and i had this longer dilemma regarding my potterlock fic (pretty disillusioned with rowling and all.that, unsure whether to continue) but even so i saw that a lot of people subscribed to it and i wanted to at least see where the story leads, i had over 300k words apart from the 40k i published

and i domt hve it anymore :') i didnt check the process because it seemed okay and i had other uni and work stuff to take care of, and now i check it and :') it's gone :')) im not doing well, and i am going to delete the fic i think

i dont have the energy to maintain it and i dont want it to be left in the dust either - i have lost all hope for it, and this is just a punch in the gut. and i was proud of the plot and how i intertwined the 2 worlds too

this is mostly just a rant because i dont really have anybody else who can relate to the pain of fic writing and the challenges that come with it

also, as to why i had to delete the email - it's complicated, hacking situation and such, but it happened over 2 months ago so im not able to retrieve it and neither do i really feel like looking into it, im done with that fic for good 😭

that's all, thank you for being a safe space for me to go to, and i apologise to anyone who was waiting for that fic to be updated :(

Hey Lovely *HUGS*

OH GOODNESS, I'm SO sorry you had a garbage time with your email, and even more so, accidentally deleted fics from your Google Drive without saving all of them. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my own fics from my G-Drive all the time (I do actually write and have about 15 "snippets" of fics on there) and back them up religiously.

That said, I can understand how life can overtake literally everything and just make being online Too Much™ – happens to me all the time 💜🖤. And I know how disheartening it can be to just... not have the motivation anymore to continue on with something, heaven knows I've done that plenty in my 40 years, LOL. And Lovely, we have to remember to do what's best for us in the long run.

When I was a teen, I wrote a fairly popular Sonic fanfic series that I never completed, literally left it on a cliffhanger. This was back before even FFNet, and fics were distributed in the Sonic fandom on our Geocities pages via Webring, LOL. After life took over, it still remains unfinished over 20 years later. I recently found the original word docs of all 9 of the stories (with the 10th one half-finished) and while I cringe at my bad writing from back then, I still love immersing myself in that world. One of these days, maybe I'll finish it, because I do think it was a great concept and intriguing storyline that dealt a lot with humanity and sentience, just obviously written by a teenager, hahaha.

The point of that anecdote? We can still love the things we wrote, and still want to engulf ourselves in that world from time to time and not feel bad about it. And if you decide to come back to it a decade from now, that's okay too. You're only human.

And never EVER hesitate to come here for a friendly eyeball to vent to. I try my best to make y'all feel not so alone. Glad to see you are okay, Vee, truly. That's what's most important.

*SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE* I hope you have a beautiful, prosperous day. And I'm sure your fic-fans understand <3