#i dont like ranting eh but had to get it out. and maybe sb feels a similar way

[lesbiankordian]

aromantic thoughts

in one book about transness i read, the author said that even if you go through transition, even if you accomplish everything trans related you wanted, the feeling, the years, of sadness and alienation just don't go away and are always somewhere deep inside you. you may still compare yourself to cis people and still not feel enough. even if transphobia magically evaporated, your transness wouldn't - even if you had a perfect life with no transphobic incidents.

and it's exactly the same with aromanticism. i generally feel good. but there are days where i just can't understand why i can't feel the same way as other people do. why i can't understand that one (supposed to be universal) beautiful poem about love. why most people's values are a bit different than mine. why i can't be truly happy in a queer club, because there are people in love everywhere and my friend's talking to me about her love problem with a guy and the people next to me are all flirting with each other and a girl's hitting on me but i'm afraid bc she'll probably stop when i say "hey, i don't wanna go on a date. ever. but we can kiss if you want". (don't even know if i actually like doing that).

many times i feel like that while talking about friends. life. attitude, not necessarily towards relationship things. it doesn't have to be anything romantic. bc romance as a norm goes so deep you're reminded everyday you're different, and that your difference - if you show it to others - is a rather bad thing in their morality spectrum. everytime i think about that i wonder if i'm not confusing aromanticism with sth different, but i do think aromanticism falls under that category too.

the author of the book i mentioned said that when she first realized she was trans, she was terrified of the thought that was how her life was gonna look like - after all those awful years, it'd only go downhill (realization, transition process etc), this time bc of her own actions. similarly, i know the way i live now is the best for me (probably). but i do that deliberately. i could stop anytime and try to go against myself, caring for someone the way my friends seem to be able to. i long for that, simultaneously knowing i wouldn't last a minute.

[blueberrypie31]

Can I just rant abt sth for a moment

Ok so sth recently happened that got me upset. To start off with the context, I love pretty clothes. I rmb i used to google a d browse through appstore to find like a cool fashion game I could play. Occasionally I downloaded some fashion apps and played them for like a ten minutes before getting unsatisfied, then deleting them afterwards. I didn’t know why. They werent really up to my taste so eh :/

Then I heard of this game called Miracle Nikki? Or Love Nikki in some regions. It looks anime-ish so I thought this would be more interesting than the other games I’ve seen (I find that Japan stuff has rather innovative and interesting ideas). It took me a while to find it cus I didn’t know what the Love Nikki app was called in my region aka SouthEast Asia, but after some persistent searching I found it.

And it became one of-no-tHE APP that I played the most. I absolutely loved the clothes in 360 mobi Nikki (that was what the app in my region was called yea). It had beautiful fantasy-esque dresses that are so gorgeous and vivid with amazing detail. Go search love nikki suits on tumblr and u can see what I mean. I fell in love with the design of the clothes in game and it didn’t hurt that the story was kinda interesting as well, and did have an ongoing serious plot. I practically played the app everyday when I could and finish up all my stamina to grind for clothes i wanted. It was satisfying whenever I managed to complete the suits I wanted and it feel great to admire them from time to time cus I really worked at it u know

But then recently the app hasnt been working so far on my phone and at first I thought it was nth but like network issues. After like two days I got a bit confused when the app couldnt open and decided to research. Apparently the company that made the app had decided to do a “transfer”, deleting the app servers and creating new ones. The new app was up in the store but only for a short while for some reason before it was deleted as well. I didn’t know any of this because it was announced on facebook and I don’t actually touch Facebook that much, so I was out of the loop. Reading the comments posted where the announcement was made it turns out that the “transfer” wasn’t really a proper transfer either. You don’t get all the suits and clothes from the last app and u have to start from scratch. Not even the money or the gems u earned get transferred either. Some weren’t really happy that there wasn’t an English language option since the app was in viet/thai. It was a rip-off in my opinion and I have read some upset comments about the whole situation

So I guess sadly that I might not be able to play Love Nikki again. It was an amazing game but unfortunately was taken out for whatever reason I dont quite get nor like. I really reALLY loved that app a lot and its sad cus I didn’t even know I was playing it for the last time several days ago until its too late. Im hoping maybe that in the future sb might recreate Love Nikki and make it available in my region but whelp lets not get my hopes up too high

Im prob gon search for some other fashion games later, but I’ll be honest in saying that I don’t believe Love Nikki will ever be pushed down from my Top Fav games to play. It was just so unique and stood out amongother fashion games. Interestingly I do actually have another fashion game that is quite similar to Love Nikki but not really called Helix Waltz. It’s nice. But doesn’t really have the same charm that Love Nikki once did

And there. Goodbye Love Nikki for now. Hope someday I can play u again. It has been so much fun. Its tragic that Im cant access the game anymore after all the effort I put into finding those suits I wanted and progressing through story mode. Ah well. Can’t really do much on my end. Sad.

-Pie :/